Is it so hard to have your glasses fog up for a disease that has really just stopped killing people?
I got a message from some chick today about this new movement to fight the masks.
What was her name again?
She's got a soccer player name.
I know this isn't a great introduction to the show, but bear with me, folks.
Her name was Fuggin Fuggin.
I forget her name.
Elise is a soccer name.
What?
Is it Elise?
No, it's like Gabriella Streif or something.
But Restore Freedom.
So she's pushing this thing.
Look it up, Brian, or I can send it to you.
Restore Freedom 02.
It's got 36 views.
And their thing is they want to burn on November 3rd, 2021, post a video safely trashing your mask to rumble.com.
Include the hashtag in the video description and send a link to RestoreFreedomStrike at ProtonMail.com.
Restore Freedom.
And the hashtag is trash your mask, all one word.
Restore Freedom.
Catherine Henry.
Well, that's not who I spoke to, but maybe it's the same thing.
Anyway, sorry.
A tangential way to introduce the show.
That was the Datsuns.
What was the song?
I Am the I?
Yes.
We are wearing the Out for Bud shirt that features a Gavin werewolf drinking a Budweiser.
We have Maddie O'Dell.
What's up, everybody?
Maddie O'Dell on the mic.
Check, check, check.
And you know how it works here.
We are live and free for the first half hour of the show.
Then we go through the viewer mail.
Shit, I forgot my computer.
And then we take some calls.
But the freeloaders don't get any of that fun stuff.
The freeloaders only get the first half hour.
So fuck you.
But before we get started with that, let us introduce Tactical Walls, a veteran-owned company built in America, made in America.
These are, we have them here in the studio.
Now, unfortunately, we live in New York City.
We're here in the South Bronx where you're not allowed to have anything.
Fun.
So our mod wall features motorcycle helmets, hats, jackets, microphones.
Ryan's mod wall is a cacophony.
It is an absolute fucking mess of strangely folded shirts that sit halfway on a shelf, which I've never seen before.
I don't think anyone has.
Matty, have you ever seen a shirt displayed like that before?
No, that's the first time I've seen that.
I'm an innovator.
Yeah, that's one way to put it.
You're an innovator.
You're an innovator, too, at your green cobwebs.
I don't know what's going on with that.
I love your display, Ryan, because when I insult you, people go, that guy's mean.
He's picking on that poor Asian shirt.
I love the 1987 Hawaii vacation airbrushed.
That's his brand.
Nope, yup.
That's his brand.
Okay.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it means.
It's my cool music.
Okay, that's his cool music.
So when you look at his mod wall that he basically has abused tactical walls with, you see how retarded he is and you don't think I'm mean anymore because you go, oh, that's his brain.
It's a mess.
Your whole office is disgusting.
Look at it.
Like, what's the Jets bag?
The Jets bag.
You don't even know.
I don't know.
You don't know.
No.
You have a New York Jets tote, kind of a vinyl bag, just sitting there on its side.
Plenty of bags.
There's like seven totes on their side.
You don't even know what that is.
Totes.
Totes don't, actually.
So anyway, the beauty of Tactical Walls is you can display your guns, show all kinds of cool stuff.
And if you're an absolute imbecile, you can show the world how stupid you are.
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We've got some booze treats here.
I've got a shot of makers, I think, or bullet?
Bullet.
Bullet Barbie.
A shot of bullet and then a pint of...
It's not really flat beer, but it's the bottom of the keg.
Bottom of the keg.
I was going to ask you today if you could bring the truck by and we could go to the store.
Did I tell you when I got that first keg?
I go in there, you know that big keg place by the other bar?
Uh-huh.
And I talk to a young man, millennial, and I go, I'm looking for a keg, Budweiser.
And he goes, oh, I'm not sure we have Budweiser.
And then he takes me over to a fridge where, you know those dumb like college party kegs that are the size of a basketball?
Yeah.
He goes, I think we have Stella and Heineken.
And I go, what?
Those are beer balls.
I drove all the way out here for a basketball?
Meanwhile, those things are like 20 beers.
Yeah, they're beer balls or less.
They're not a lot, yeah.
So then the owner is walking by, and I go, So, this is what you call a keg.
And the owner takes the kid, who I'm going to say is 20, and he goes, What do you do?
What the fucking, what do you do?
Who the fucking?
And I say to him, I go, I'm looking for a keg.
I have a kegerator.
I need a keg, a half keg, I think they're called.
And he's like, yeah, follow me.
And he goes, come here, to the kid.
And we go over to a room that's as big as this studio, at least.
Maybe more.
Giant sign on top that says, kegs.
The fuck?
Millennial.
Like, you come there every day.
You work there.
You work there.
It's a huge room.
It's as big as the store.
There's the store in the front with all the shelves of bullshit IPA faggotry.
But then there's the kegs in the back.
I can't lean forward or I turn into the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Look at this, the back of my shirt.
You don't do that, Maddie.
I think you have much better posture than me.
When I'm normal, my shirt has like a pussy lip.
It's got a little rim in the back there.
Yeah, I can't.
That's not a good look.
But that's not the fault of the shirt, which you can buy.
Which you can buy.
And also, you should notice, by the way, we always wear our own shirts on Thursday nights.
This is pre-washed.
So you're seeing our shirts not at their peak, because shirts, everything that you buy as far as clothing goes, is better after one wash.
Except maybe a jacket.
So yeah, we should probably have washed these.
But we have an all-new picks up.
New shirts coming.
And of course, our favorite shirts, Let's Go Brandon.
Presently available with an apostrophe.
There's only two shirts made without the apostrophe.
And I guess we'll auction those off.
Maybe at the, we're having a big telethon on December 17th.
What if we signed the shirts as apostrophes?
We signed it between the T and the S in the shape of an apostrophe.
With what, a micro laser?
No, just a regular small.
Ryan, the apostrophe that's requisite on that typo is approximately a quarter inch high and an eighth of an inch wide.
What are you signing Ryan Katsu Rivera with?
We can get it.
A nuclear pen?
Just the initials?
Oh, yay.
This guy's.
Make your mark.
We're already 15 minutes into the show, if you can believe that.
Okay, it's only 10 minutes.
Before I get to the next sponsor at 15 minutes in, I went to the Silwa Eric Adams debate last night at a bar of the playwright in New York City after Compound censored.
What a shit show.
Eric Adams is the bad guy from Princess and the Frog.
I think his name is Dr. Felicitus.
You would know this, Ryan.
No.
Oh, you don't have the Princess and the Frog memorized?
Look up bad guy from Princess and Frog.
Felicius Felicius?
Felonius?
That guy.
He's got this really irritating smirk on him the whole time.
And his big gotcha with Curtis is that Curtis faked a crime so he could look like a hero.
Which is a hell of a gotcha if it were true.
But it's not true.
So his whole thing, and it might work, is that Curtis lied about a crime, made up a fake crime.
And he kept calling him fake crimes, fake crimes.
Curtis didn't come back hard enough against him, I believe.
But anyway, we showed up there.
We weren't on the guest list.
It was Curtis campaign workers only.
And they knew who I was.
They go, you're the guy with the plastic swords, meaning the Otoya Yamaguchi thing on October 12th.
And then I think we had a weird scene where it was like, I like you, dude, but I'm not sure you're good for the campaign.
I don't know if I want you photographed here.
And then we were talking.
I talked to one of the guys.
I go, what if I endorse Eric Adams?
And he was like, please, please do that.
Proud Boys founder endorses Eric Adams.
He follows our values.
We should do that.
I'll do it.
Anyway, I go there with Gino Biscante, the loudest WOP in the world.
And we're doing shots.
And I'm used to doing shots at my bar with Maddie where the corrupt Irishman dilutes them so much that you do five shots and you feel great.
I do shots in the city and I have to lie down in the bathroom because they have alcohol in them, which I'm not, my body's not used to.
So Gino's fucking yelling out and he's clapping, yeah!
And sometimes he gets it wrong.
So they're like, this city needs more law enforcement and we need to get back to what it was.
And he's like, yeah, in the 80s.
It's like, Gino, it was bad in the 80s.
We're going for like Giuliani, like late 90s, early aughts.
So Curtis's campaign people eventually filtered out.
They decided to watch it back at HQ because I think Gino and I were bad for the brand.
Gino is bad for the human brand.
And the other funny thing, too, was it was so overlit that he looked like he had just washed his face after doing the Blue Man group.
Eric Adams was 80% blue.
He was such a good man.
You know, Curtis wants to build the seawall.
He's very trumpy.
What's a seawall?
No cunts allowed?
No, like when Hurricane Sandy hit and all that.
Oh, SEA.
Yeah.
On a regular basis.
Get those sea walls built up and make sure that areas are designated a flood zone so they can collect those.
I'll give you a few seconds to respond.
David, let's be clear.
Seawalls would not have stopped this storm, but you had to be out there moving through the city, helping people to realize that this was rain.
This had nothing to do with sea walls.
If we keep thinking antiquated methods to a modern problem...
What does that mean?
Rain is a modern problem?
Nothing about modern problems is a modern problem.
This new rain everyone's been talking about.
This new problem with rain.
I can't believe Ryan brought up something I haven't thought of before.
I might be drinking too much.
Here's a good clip of Eric Adams being a tattletale snitchy McBoner pants that you just want to punch in his head and expand throughout that educational experience.
Thank you, Mr. Adams.
Instead of focusing just on academic excellence, we need to focus at a much earlier age for our children, vocational training.
Such a command for the carpenters, electricians, plumbers, programmers, and hopefully we have attendance.
Okay, thank you.
We have to keep going.
I have a few voice all the time that we continue to lie.
I'm going to follow the rules.
Can he please adhere to the rules that you set up today?
What are we?
We're adhering to the rules, Mr. Adams, and we're discretionary, give you a chance to respond.
We vote, but we can't.
I guess he's got a trillion rules.
Doesn't that remind you of that kid that like, I'm trying to participate, but Ryan's distracting me with his jokes?
I'm like, you're fucking.
As someone who endorses Eric Adams, I know there's a lot of criticism where they say he was a member of the 100 black officers thing, and though he was a cop, he was actually just a transit cop, and he was always bitching and moaning and suing.
That's not true.
I mean, it might be true.
But what's more important is that Eric Adams is here for New York City.
And he is the change we need.
And he is also, not only is he a cop, but he is a person of color, a man of color.
There's a lot of criticism against him.
Holy shit, I just barfed.
Ew.
I just barfed while bullshitting.
You've hurt me today.
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Remember, when you hear these sponsors, folks, these are people who are getting pressured not to sponsor the show.
They're not just randomly picking this show.
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What do you make of that, Ryan?
I think that's friggin cool.
Don't you?
Awesome.
One more thing before I forget.
They asked him, will they be filling the quotas for black and Latino?
Mr. Sliwa?
And Sliwa said no.
Absolutely.
He said, no, we're just going to, the best guy for the job, we're just going to have that guy do it.
There's going to be no quotas or nothing like that.
But there's another good slam that what's his face did?
Curtis Sliwa?
And that's the last highlight.
Just follow me in the streets and subways.
I'm there.
I'm the people's choice.
Eric Adams is with the elites in the suites, the TikTok girls, trying to sort of live up to the Kardashians at Club Zero Bond.
Come on, Eric.
Come back.
Come back to the streets and the subways.
Be with the real peeps.
Earn the trust.
Pretty good.
That was a good slam.
Yep.
And he was respectful.
He wasn't grumpy and hateful like the other guy was.
He wouldn't talk to him.
He wouldn't look at him.
And then another thing, he wouldn't even shake his hand.
He's a disrespectful guy, this Eric Adams.
He's a piece of crap.
You sound very New York.
Disrespectful guy, this Eric Adams.
He's a piece of crap.
He's got no respect.
Okay.
Is that it, Ryan?
That's it for the Sleewa.
Okay, we're done with Sleewa.
Yep.
What do you think, Maddie?
Who are you voting for?
Sleewa.
I think he, because everyone knows his history on crime, and crime in New York right now is just so out of control.
But aren't you a criminal?
Yeah.
I used to be.
I used to be, but I am now, too.
Wait, what does Mitch Hepburg say?
I used to be.
Oh, yeah.
No, Mitch Hedberg goes, I used to do drugs.
I still do, but I also used to do them.
So wait a minute.
Now that you're not a criminal, you want us to crack down on crime?
Well, I mean, I mean, I'm not for one, like, people are bugging people and, you know, agent bashing all that.
Like, violent crime is not good for you.
You were never a violent crime.
You were a meth and pill dealer.
Yeah, I have a few fights and assault and gun crime.
So we don't crack down on those?
They should make all drugs legal.
Okay, what about violent assault?
Didn't you beat up a cop?
More than one, yeah.
Should we crack down on that?
I think we should crack down on that.
Yeah, it's not, I was frowned upon.
Well, the beauty of when that, I don't know which time we're talking about, but the beauty of the old days was you beat up a cop, they took you to the police station, they handcuffed you to a chair.
And about six, eight guys walked in at different times and just.
And they beat you for the course of many hours.
Beat the fuck out of me.
But hey, is what that was?
You made you bad though.
I've heard you say in the past that, oh, well, that was fair.
I beat up a cop, cops beat up me.
Exactly.
No need for paperwork.
No.
See, this is my goal in modern America.
Let's get rid of paperwork.
Let's get rid of calling the cops.
And at the end of the day, they didn't, even though they had to, it was a bar fight and we were fighting in the doorway of the bar and a cop hit me with a nice stick and I turned around and just hit him.
Like I just teed off on him.
And they got me for a, they didn't charge me with assault that time.
I've been charged with assault on an officer, but I was charged with obstructing governmental administration.
I was preventing the police officer from doing his duties.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
That's technically.
I'm friends with the cop now.
The cop who we got into the Viking.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, you know.
I still see him to this day.
Is he still a cop?
No, no, he's retired.
Because I was invited to a Mets game with a bunch of cops from your old neighborhood.
And I said, they go, do you know any other Mets fan?
I go, yeah, I know one.
Maddie O'Dell.
That went over like a fart and shirt.
And they were like, eh.
Yeah, no.
Nah.
Nah.
Well, did you ever.
Oh, Jim Gold is on the show.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
Hey, how you doing, Jim?
Fantastic.
I was charged with trying to beat up two cops.
I don't remember if I did or not.
It was the last time I ever got drunk.
Wow, that is fucking Jim Gold to a T. Yeah, with hair.
Finally.
When was that?
Was that before you went to prison?
This was April 1982.
I was still going to community college.
It was a nice spring day.
You know, I hate cold weather, so we decided to skip class.
Me and my friend Warren.
We drank a whole bottle of tequila that had a red sombrero that you screw off.
Oh, yeah, I remember those.
Chased that off with a whole bottle of Coal 45.
I don't remember anything.
I woke up in jail with my face all fucked up and charges for assaulting two cops.
I'm like, well, it's time to quit drinking.
That was the last time I ever drank.
Like, next April will be 40 years since I've had a sip.
Oh, wow.
So what are you, like, 55?
60?
60.
You're 60 years old.
I just turned 60 in June, yes.
Wow.
But I had an encounter with the police last night, actually.
I was telling you about that.
What happened there?
Me and the woman went up to this little fountain town.
What just happened with your nose?
Get an extra appendage.
Something weird happened with your nose.
Hold on.
There we go.
Fuck.
How do you do that, Ryan?
Yeah, we rented a hot tub room up in the mountains, like two hours away from here.
And the hot tub still wasn't hot after four hours.
And I called the cleaning woman in.
I'm like, it's still not hot.
She's like, yes, it is.
I'm like, it's 96 degrees.
This is four hours.
And she's like, it's hot.
I'm like, it's not hot.
I'm like, you're a liar.
And she got pissed off, went down to the front desk.
Another fat mountain woman was there.
And I'm like, you know, she's like, he called me a liar.
I'm like, well, either you're lying or you're dumb.
She's like, well, you just insulted me.
And I guess with these mountain folks, that's like being disrespected if you're black.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
They called the cops.
I got the whole thing.
I might even put it on the next hardball.
It's like, because I'm a felon, I might as well have a camera attached to my head.
Because then the woman said she felt threatened by me.
My wife, who's like 4'11, she's there.
She saw the whole thing.
They called the cops.
The cops came and talked to me.
I'm like, look, it's.
What's the crime?
You can call someone a liar.
It's not illegal.
Yeah, or dumb.
And I said, either, I mean, give me the third possibility.
You're lying because you know it's supposed to be hot and it's not hot.
You're dumb.
You don't know it's supposed to.
Tell me the third thing.
So she calls the cop.
She's like, well, yeah, he's ball-headed.
I'm like, okay, you're fat.
And he's insulting me.
And then the other woman said, you know, you're a narcissist.
I work with mental health and you can't ever admit you're wrong.
I'm like, you can't admit you're wrong about the hot tub.
It's supposed to, it's not just a tub.
It's a hot tub and it's not hot.
Because, you know, I go up there to soak my 60-year-old bones.
I don't get much time off.
And I wanted the hot tub, not just a tub.
And we had to just peel out of this fucking little mountain town like at midnight last night and drive two hours on.
I got to say, Ryan does a lot of imitations.
This is the most accurate one I've ever seen.
This is uncanny.
This is almost exactly like he's talking through his body.
It's disturbing.
Yeah.
When did, okay, Jim Goad, if you're so Jim Goad, when did you go to prison for how long and what for?
I went to prison.
Well, started in jail, spent nine months in county jail.
It was May 27th or 28th, 1998.
I got out.
I got out.
Fuck.
Let's see.
Day after tomorrow will be 21 years ago.
It was right when Bush and Gore, the whole election thing where they took a couple months to decide who got elected.
That's when I got out.
For hitting a chick back, I did a whole episode in hardballs in this.
I wrote like 400 pages in shit magnet about it.
If you want to hear this chick threatening to cut my head off, chop my nipples off, blow my head to smithereens, jimgo.net slash sound slash anne dot mp3.
Had a restraining order against her.
Lost my temper for 10 minutes.
And first offense, first conviction, two and a half years.
And I probably would have done 25 years because I was notorious.
But she did stupid stuff like call up my friend and say she was jerking off to the fact that my wife was dying of cancer.
We got it all on tape, gave it to the DA.
He got scared, offered me a plea.
I took it.
Okay, okay, Ryan.
You've done your research here.
That's pretty impressive.
I got one for you.
What was the fourth issue of Answer Me about?
That was the notorious rap issue.
We interviewed a lot of rappers.
Okay.
Good, good.
Now, who was the most, you used the word notorious just then, who was the most notorious bad man who contacted you and said that that issue went a little too far.
That would have been Richard the Nightstalker Ramirez, who was another, he was a known rapper, and he skull fucked a grandma after killing her, but thought that Answer Me Number Four went too far.
That's an actual story.
I used to correspond with the Night Stalker.
He thought Answer Me was brilliant, but the fourth issue he said, he told somebody he just stopped, he ghosted me.
I was ghosted by the Nightstalker.
And he said, he asked, he told another friend paler.
He's like, don't you think that issue went a little too far?
That and Bobby Bozole from the Manson family in prison.
I met him.
He had a whole sound studio in there.
They had him hooked up.
Like, I guess they have educational programs.
So he was a killer from the Manson family.
But he told mutual friend Michael Moynihan, who wrote a book, Lords of Chaos, about Norwegian Destiny.
I was like, yeah, that guy seems a little paranoid.
So being, like, having a member of the Manson family say you're paranoid, that's another badger.
Wait, you're friends with Michael Moynihan?
Different Michael Moynihan.
This was a guy who wrote a book for Feral House.
But remember, they had all those Norwegian church burnings and murders in Norwegian each other for not being heavy metal enough.
There was that guy.
What was his name?
He killed someone because they wore a white sweater.
There was a guy.
He called himself Faust.
He was in a band called Emperor.
He stabbed a gay guy to death for coming onto him in a park.
He sent me the scariest letter I ever got.
It's like the night, there was a chill in the air that night.
And I was walking.
He just, this description of stabbing a humo to death for coming onto him.
There was the other guy who stabbed a fellow metal dude because he didn't like his shirt.
And then he ripped his head off.
And then he took the shattered skull parts and made a necklace after eating his brains.
That's pretty hard.
I don't know about that case.
That's pretty hard, though.
All right, Ryan, you did a good job.
I got to admit.
That is the most convincing Jim Goat I've ever seen.
Thanks.
No problem.
I mean, yeah, I've been working on it a lot.
It's perfect, dude.
Thanks, man.
It's your best invitation spent, though.
You're tired?
Yeah, my throat.
Oh, that makes sense.
I've heard that with people who do seances and stuff, and they talk to the other side.
When they're done, they're done.
It's almost like he's a physical medium.
He channeled Jim Goad right through.
Yeah, and Jim Goad's not...
He's not dead.
No.
Not even close.
They don't need to be dead.
As long as I get some of their essence, what I'll do is I'll get...
Jim Goad jizzed on you?
No, he jizzed on me.
But here's the thing.
The easiest part is get a piece of hair, but obviously if you look at Jim, not too much hair.
Well, he's got pubes.
He does have pubes.
No?
Well, depends when you catch him.
I got unlucky, but he was very nice.
He sent me a bunch of cigars to congratulate me on having a child, and I guess he handled them himself, so I took a swab, and I brought that to my Jujuman.
You have a Jujuman.
I have a Jujuman.
I'm a Haitian.
We have the same Jujuman, I think.
Anyway, but.
Ngate Umbata?
Mbate Ngoto.
That's his son.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Bad Juju.
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He's a great guy, close friend of the show.
It's hard to see him going through this.
But the company's still going.
We still got Hanks.
And it is the most high-quality beef.
Maddie's got a ton of it.
Maddie's tried out, I think, everything they have to offer.
The wagon.
Almost everything in that picture behind you.
The hamburgers.
Did you make the hamburgers?
Oh, yeah.
My kids inhaled those.
Yeah.
Well, you get the pre-made ones, and then you get packages of like chopped meat.
I mean, like meatloaf and stuff, you know, other stuff.
We did the pre-made ones.
The barbecue.
Actually, the last two pieces we had in the freezer tonight.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Who's we?
Yayo.
Oh, Yayo came out from his room for once.
Yeah.
He says, hey, because I took him out and defrosted him yesterday.
He goes, you going to the show?
I go, yeah.
He goes, can I cook that?
I said, go for it.
What do you mean?
Go for it.
Maddie has a weird Peruvian roommate.
Peruvian, yeah.
Who's named after cocaine?
He gets real mad, though, when you call him Yayo, which means cocaine.
Yayo, yayo.
Sorry, dude.
You're one syllable off of cocaine.
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And it really is the highest quality beef.
I don't know.
I thought New York was kind of well known for beef.
We got Keene's Steakhouse.
We got Peter Luger's.
But when I ordered this stuff, when I got it freeze-dried in this Dyrofoam container and I put it on it, thawed it out, cooked it up on the barbecue.
Holy moly was it delicious.
Unbelievable.
I said, holy cow.
Oh, yeah.
Holy cow.
Totally true.
I didn't want to use a bad word because I don't want you to associate that with it because it was so good.
It's one of those steaks where, like, you know, you go to Keene's Steakhouse and you're on the train going back home and you're thinking about it like you made out with Eva Mendez or something.
It's that kind of a vibe.
Like you think about it for a long time afterwards.
That is how high quality Bubba and Hanks is.
All right.
That's enough catering to the freeloaders.
We're going to read some viewer mail, take some calls, talk to Maddie about his sex life.
And for you folks at home who haven't signed up to censored TV, I don't know what you're waiting for.
$10 a month, unlimited entertainment, much more than you could possibly watch.
I am one of 15 shows on censored.tv, but I still give you one to two hours every day, but the weekends, and the weekends are jam-packed with everyone else.
So stop wasting your time.
Censored.tv is a wee bit of sanity in a world gone mad.
It is a rational, normal, unbiased take on the news that's informed and objective.
And that has become a radical way to see the world.
Anyway, you don't deserve all this quality, so fuck you.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
That was another, that band is from New Zealand, 1990, late 90s.
Oh, wow.
So we've been playing modern 60s music this week on the Underground Garage week.
We should do the Sonics.
You know, I was listening to Credence Clearwater Revival do like a Little Richard type of song.
I forget what the song was, but they were screaming the way Little Richard did.
And I was thinking, is Little Richard the first guy to scream?
Wouldn't that be Screamin' Jay Hawkins?
Well, it's the same time zone.
It is very close.
Who screamed first?
Whoops.
Screamin' Jay or Little Richard?
Oh, you had Howland Wolf, too.
He was an old passing.
Screaming Wolf, that's right.
Howland?
He used to make these high-pitched screams.
Big Joe Turner and Howland Wolf, one of the first known R ⁇ B songs that utilized screaming vocals is said to be Screamin' Jay.
Yeah, Howland Wolf.
What's with the picture?
Yeah, what the fuck?
Is that him?
That's not Howland Wolf, no.
But they were kind of different, too.
Screaming Jay Hawkins was like, I put a spell on you.
God, you're mine.
He's screaming.
I guess it's the same.
Because when I think of Little Richard, I think of like, function at the junction.
And of course, the great line, the only devils in here are a devil may care.
Meaning, there's no fucking white people at this awesome party.
No white devils.
And we've been listening to black people shit on us in music for 60 years.
And just been going.
This is nice.
We're weird.
White people are weird.
Black people don't listen to songs about how the only niggas in here are a nigga may care.
Not the same.
Never.
Not catchy.
Topping the charts in the 1960s, nigger May Care rivaled such other ads.
So what year is this?
Put a spell on you.
In 56.
That's a good guess.
Let's see.
And I bet Little Richards' first hit was 55.
Who was Halloween?
He's got to be insane in the late 50s.
1959.
Oh, Hallow Wolf?
Did you nail that?
Wait, 1959?
What did you say?
No, I said that Little Richards' first hit was 55, and it was Function at the Junction.
So he beat some.
But I'm guessing.
Maybe Screaming Jay Hawkins is 69.
Oh, dang.
You're a loser.
Get out of my way.
It's a jam.
Play that function at the junction.
It's so fucking good.
It's weird to make a piano.
Raging homosexuals, sucking dicks, that fucking pencil thing.
He invented that.
I think he invented everything, and I'm probably wrong about it.
So I guess Screaming Jay Hawkins was the first screamer?
1931.
You've got to save that thing.
That's pretty early, man.
Let's see.
You know, when you look up these things, there's like the first and then there's the first.
Like, say some vaudeville dude in Chicago in 31 was in a play and he had a song and he went, yeah!
Yeah, that's it.
He can suck my dick.
He didn't bring it to the masses.
Back then it was the masses.
We got the first screamer here, folks.
This is why Prince exists.
Aura.
Speaking of Prince, you see the SNL thing with Prince?
They kind of made fun of their own racist tendencies, SNL.
It's pretty interesting.
You sound like a weird Chinese guy.
It's pretty interesting.
Did you see SNL?
You sound like an over-Westernized Chinese immigrant who's learned English basically perfectly.
Have you seen the SNL episode where the comedy sketch shows?
That's too Chinese.
No, no.
You sound like this Chinese guy where you only hear Chinese like every four minutes.
Did you guys see the new SNL sketch?
It was pretty funny.
They had, I forget who's coming.
There was, I think they were make fun of a prince.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
There we go.
There we go.
There we go.
There you go.
Almost perfect.
Yeah, and then you go like, make fun of a prince?
A prince?
Wait, what?
What prince?
Yeah, I'll notice that with the...
Is that prince or print?
A lot of Swedish people, they'll nail English, and then one thing will be like, like some sound.
I don't hear a lot of screaming.
Yeah, Aura.
Say what thing, you stupid bitch.
It's crazy if she invented screaming.
Scream before.
Scream it, bitch.
Scream my name.
Okay, go forward.
See if you can find some screaming.
Because that's the thing about screaming Jay Hawkins is in you put a spell on me, he's normal.
He's like, you put a spell on me.
Cause you're mine.
And then at the end, and I heard in the recording studio, he was shit-faced.
Wow.
And they said, just wing it.
Just go with it.
Just feel it.
He's like, cuz you're mad.
And you hear him like knocking over shit and shit's falling behind.
Cause you're mad.
That's not really screaming.
Robin.
Yeah.
But like when the sonics go, psycho!
That's like screaming into the song, making it the song.
Right.
Here she comes.
This bitch has got to go.
Yeah.
Or is not doing it.
Sounds like she's on a toilet bowl.
Dude, if I was raping a chick and she went, help, I wouldn't think she was in trouble.
No.
Help!
Get up at me, please.
I'd go, she's enjoying it.
I think if I was raping her, I'd be screaming like that.
If I was raping her, I'd probably have two black eyes and I'd be unconscious.
My dick would be tied in a knot, and I'd wake up the next day in my own blood.
I would say on my chest, not today, bitch.
Oh, where are you going?
You're not done raping me yet.
I don't get mine.
Oh, fuck.
You think you want to rape a motherfucker?
Hang on.
Don't stop what you can't feel.
You bit up more than you could chew with Aura.
So, yeah, that's probably Wikipedia.
It's so literal.
Right.
With screams, especially music Wikipedia.
The first scream ever was Aura in fucking 1922.
Aura Alexander.
Whoa.
He was a drunk.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
One, two, three.
It's a very Jim Goat episode, isn't it?
What makes you say that?
We're watching Hardballs.
Yeah, this isn't screaming, dude.
When I say who's the first screamer, I'm saying who influenced Prince and the Sonics.
Not this lunatic, the proverb with a fucking bone through his nose.
Talk about stereotyping.
I'm offended.
Dan, you avert me today.
Jump ahead.
Okay, I'll count that as a screaming Jay Wolf.
No, that's Screaming Jay Hawkins.
I'm not going to be Juju.
Is he speaking English?
No, he's speaking Juju.
When was Howland Wolf?
I'd say late 50s.
So what year is that, Ryan?
It'd be funny if I was asking what year the late 50s were.
Yeah.
57, 89.
40.
Okay, so Howland Wolf was 51, but before I go around throwing a yes, I need to hear your screams.
Because that Aura Oda chick fucking blew it.
She was...
It's not a scream.
Are you fucking kidding me?
It's better not be this scream.
No.
Calling me over my telephone.
Calling over my telephone.
Yeah, I feel like he's going to hit some high notes.
You were a telephone back then?
Yeah, right?
51?
Somebody calling.
Over my telephone.
I mean, he's got other songs where he starts ripping into them, but I'm all ears.
You know who would know all this?
Pat Dixon.
You know, my dick has been lying to me like a motherfucker all week.
I am convinced I'm getting laid.
I'm convinced that I'm the lead singer of Motley Crew.
Groupies.
Groupies.
My wife's dying to blow me.
She's trying to fuck me at all times.
Last night she goes, let's call her Renee.
She goes, oh, I got to bring Renee home.
She's too drunk to drive, and we'll call an Uber from the house.
And my dick, I didn't think anything of it, but I looked at it.
My dick's like, threesome, dude.
And I go, really?
That's the part that pisses me off.
I don't mind that he says dumb shit.
It's that I go, wow.
Thanks for the update, retarded dick.
So my dick tells me that I'm getting a threesome last night with our family friend Renee, where our daughters would play together when they were eight.
And all of a sudden, they both are sluts in lingerie, like competing to blow me.
So I come out to the living room and I sit there, like, talking to the two waisted women, like I have anything to fucking say to them, thinking this is going to lead, we'll lock the bedroom.
I hope we're quiet.
Don't wake up the kids.
And the next morning, I woke up and I said to my dick, I was like, you're a dick.
Fuck you.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Talk up.
Like, you weren't even close.
It wasn't like there was any sort of like, hee, hee, uh-oh, what if we got up to some mischief?
Sometimes the complaints will be.
Zero, like, honestly, if someone broke in and held a gun to our heads and we did a threesome at gunpoint, they would both be bawling their eyes out at how horrible this rape was.
Like, they would just.
It wouldn't be like they were like, finally, there's a gun pointing at us.
We don't have any guilt.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, where did my dick get this retarded idea?
Sex is, like, not a big deal.
And then I started telling my wife to come to the studio because I was like, Ryan's not around on Wednesdays and Thursdays.
And she was like, I got errands.
I feel nauseous from hot yoga.
And then I go, ready for this one?
I go, I'll pay you $100.
Nice.
It's $100 guilt-free.
You can spend it on anything.
As a married couple, you should spend money in a reasonable amount that we both agree on.
Like, you can buy some expensive shoes, but not too many.
But when you get $100 cash from your husband, you can fucking burn it.
It's free money.
Didn't work.
So I would like to take this moment to tell my dick to shut the fuck.
Stop lying to me about all the pussy that's waiting around the corner.
Shut up.
Shut your mouth.
That's how I feel.
That's me.
Jacob Wald.
My dick is at the door trying to talk to pussy.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
And I'm just like, dick, it's not happening.
Go somewhere else.
That's my dick.
Oh, my God.
I've just met my dick.
Shut the fuck up and leave.
My dick wears sunglasses and has a fucking dress shirt on.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Mike!
Pussy!
Pussy!
Dude, fucking call Mikey!
Shut the fuck up.
She's hot.
She's nauseous from hot yoga.
Somewhere else.
She's running errands.
She's not coming by the studio.
This one makes too much sense.
Come on.
I'm fucking sweating my balls off.
Oh, Jesus.
Dude, I'm getting a tattoo on my dick of Mikey.
Hey, that girl's coming from the marathon.
She's bringing her husband.
I wonder if she'll be okay with dick tattoos.
Oh, wow.
I'm not sure I could handle a dick tattoo.
Hell no.
I know a couple people have them.
I know one guy's got dollar signs on his neck.
This is not pleasant.
One's got a ladybug on the head of his dick.
Oh, the head.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
A ladybug.
I could do a word.
I think I could do Mikey.
Like, how do you even spell that?
I guess it's M-I-K-E-E-Y.
And with a Y?
M-E-Y, yeah.
Yeah, I guess I could do Mikey, but poof.
Well, I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.
Are you into that, Maddie, when she comes by getting a bald eagle tattoo?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't know if I told you this.
We're doing a marathon on December 17th.
24 hours.
What?
A phone marathon?
No, no, here, a telethon.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And she's going to be here with her tattoo gun.
Nice.
Doing a bunch of tats.
We'll get to that.
I just got a statue.
I'm one of my medications.
What do you mean?
Because I take blood thinners.
It makes you blood thin and then you bleed out.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
I won't bleed out, but it'll just be a pain in the ass.
So a couple days before, I'll stop taking them and I'll be good.
Okay.
Although, I don't want to lose you, but it would be great for ratings if you were to die.
I hate to be Mr. Pro.
Mighty death.
All right, let's answer a couple of letters before we take the calls, but I forgot my computer.
We're going to erase the intro.
In the office?
Here we go.
Oh, yeah.
Can you get it?
It's actually on the turquoise couch.
Did I talk about the Pine Tree Rebellion yet?
The bird which is the pine tree?
So I went to this Proud Boys meeting in Long Island, on Long Island, which is a fucking dumb thing.
Thank you, sir.
Yes, please.
And there's a black, a couple black Proud Boys, stand black and stand by.
Stand black, stand black, stand by.
So they had this yellow truck that was playing this old-timey song, and they were driving through Long Island.
And no one listened to the song, and no one understands the club.
And they see everyone's going like that, which means liberals are retarded.
Yes, white supremacists do this.
White supremacists think liberals are retarded.
Everyone does.
So when you go like this, Hitler used toilet paper, you used toilet paper, all dogs are mammals, all cats are mammals, all dogs are not cats.
So anyway, they're going like this, and these Karens are like, a black man is a fucking doing the white power symbol.
And it's like, please listen to the song.
So this is a song they were blaring from the truck all across Long Island.
Kingdom come on the other thing of misery.
There's a world we long to see.
The strife we share will take us there to relief and sovereignty.
In our own towns, we're foreigners now.
Our things are spat.
Okay, so that's what's that called?
The pine tree riots?
Pine tree riots, but by God, we'll have our home again.
By God, we'll have our home again.
That's what the club is about.
And the pine tree riots were during the American Revolution, I think it was 1774, the Brits realized that they don't have enough pine to make their boats, especially masts.
Masts need to be one piece.
And so they had some rule in, where was it, Rhode Island?
Eastern White...
New England.
Plymouth.
Where they said, if it's like 24 inches diameter, it's the property of the crown.
And these New England farmers and lumberjacks said, fuck you.
And they started milling their own pine for their own boats.
And they got arrested.
And sheriffs came from the British Crown to arrest them, take Them to jail and they fucking beat the shit out of them.
And the best part is they whipped these British sheriffs with switches, with pine branches from the trees.
Pretty badass.
So that's the song they were playing.
And of course, we all know how the American Revolution played out.
So the message that was being blared from this truck is stand up to tyranny.
Now, in an era of COVID, obviously the message is don't fucking succumb to these assholes who are making your kindergartners wear masks.
You don't need a vax if you don't want to get the vax.
It shouldn't define your employment, which it now does for all cops and firemen in New York City, which is fucking insane.
The Basio.
It's pure tyranny.
And the Proud Boys were playing that song to say, stand up to tyranny and you will win.
The pine tree riots, which they say inspired the Boston Tea Party, was standing up to tyranny and winning.
We beat the British.
We can beat this, whatever you call it, new British.
And they're so fixated on race that they're like, why was there a black guy there?
Fuck you.
Losers.
What a petty thing to be obsessed with.
Was there a black guy there?
You sound like a fucking racist from the 50s, actually.
Yeah.
What is he doing there?
Audacity.
I don't mind this pieting contest, but why is there a Negro here?
You can't have one of them in your group.
I don't want a Negro in my group.
How do we avoid doing the Southern accent when we do racist accent?
No, I don't mind it.
Dude, dude, it's not.
Ezra Levant was mad at me once for doing the Southern accent.
And I'm like, no, no.
I'm mocking the concept of the Southern racist.
Good point.
Like, I obviously don't agree with this mentality of fucking everything is racist.
So what you're doing is you're mocking the liberal view of the dumb southerner who thinks everyone is fucking racist.
Oh, no.
What's up?
Oh, no.
Instagram has...
Or big tech has infiltrated our very stream.
And now they put this false information thing on our stream.
Could I, is it going to be there the whole show?
You can click see why, but I could.
Oh, I got it.
If I double the camera thing, maybe I could just put this on here.
Fuck.
What happened?
It's false information.
They'll tag you for saying false.
I don't know what we said, but...
Well, I can sort of go around it, I guess.
I'll try to work on getting that off of there.
Well, click CY.
You see why?
Click CU.
See you later.
See you.
It's not even tagging.
See you.
See you.
Hanging's too good for you.
Hanging's too good for you.
It's not even talking about it.
Oh, there we go.
Oh, it's got to be awesome.
Oh, beautiful.
Oh, thank God.
Not to go off topic or anything, but yesterday when we were on Cumia, you were talking about how your wife watches home renovations and all that stuff.
And in early homes up in New England, you would have these pine boards in their floors.
And the wider the board was the more prominent of a person because they call them king's boards because they weren't allowed to cut the lumber and mill it.
So when you see an old house like from the 17, early 1700s, mid-1700s, and they have these really wide pine floorboards, the person had a lot of clout or he was someone just saying, you know, fuck you.
They call them the king's boards.
Both are cool.
They're called kingboards.
Wow.
Yeah, you know, in Lead Hills in Scotland, it was a big, well, it was a Lead town, but they had gold too.
And they were told they had to give the gold to the crown.
So what the Scots would do is they'd have all the gold they found made into jewelry.
So they'd have like, they'd look like Mr. T. They'd have a ring on every finger and like four gold chains rather than, so you have these dirty fucking miners in shitty cable net sweaters dressed like Mr. T. Pity the fool.
We won.
We won.
We've been through tyranny before, folks, and we won.
So stop being such a pussy.
Like stand up, get fired, get in trouble.
I'm going to have to make a drug and start manufacturing called Grow ASET.
Not Perkins Set, Grow ASEAT.
Bald Eagles, what is the chain you're wearing?
I don't know.
My wife got me this about 20 years ago.
It's just a Cuban Lynx.
This is like a $200 fucking thing.
I don't know.
Oh, back then, gold was, what, $400 an ounce?
Yeah.
Now it's like two grand, $1,800.
Hey, Gavin, check out this absolute low, low, lol cow Cyrax.
Lol cow.
Lol cow Cyrax.
I'm not familiar with the vernacular.
Lol Cow is just a person that the internet makes fun of for being a cow of LOL.
Okay.
He's a product for inbreeding.
His IQ is very low.
He's basically retarded.
He has a deformed body.
Literally no shoulders.
He's also a dwarf at 4'7.
I have a bad feeling this is gonna...
Oh, I thought it was gonna be me.
He has a skullet and lives in absolute filth.
His father was sent to prison for 30 years for raping an underage family member with Down syndrome.
Jesus.
That's not a good look.
The bad look.
He's in his 30s, never worked a day in his life.
Blah, blah, blah.
Let's see what this guy has to say.
George, boy, I know a lot of you guys have been wondering what's been going on with my genetics.
Don't mind the t-shirt.
What is going on with his face?
She goes back home on Monday.
It looks like it has a rubber band around the lower lip.
Behind the noise right here.
I don't care.
Fuck that guy.
All right.
That seems cruel.
Unless if he's flawed and he's a bad man, then we can make fun of him.
Let's do some Maddie letters, okay?
There we go.
We have a Facebook group called Censor.tv.
Yep.
Check it out.
I sent Ryan a picture of a screenshot I took of it today.
Okay, it's a Facebook group with 14 members.
We are popular.
14 people.
There we go.
I think the guy's name is Buddy Woolhoyt, I believe.
Is like the administrator of it.
We can supply him with a full res image of this.
Censored.
It's got the little arrows in it and everything.
It's screenshot.
Yeah.
I'm surprised it's lasted on Facebook that long.
Yeah.
Because even if you send a Facebook message and you put like censored.tv in it, it won't send the message.
Wow.
It blocks it.
Hi, Gavin, Ryan, and Maddie.
My best friend convinced me to join the Daily Wire earlier this year when it released the film Runhide Fight.
I remember that.
Great.
I like that movie.
Telling me conservatives are finally producing their own movies is what we wanted.
Runhide Fight was amazing.
Now the Daily Wire just announced two upcoming movies, Shut In, coming in November, and Gina Carano's film, Tear on the Prairie, coming the first half of next year.
They're kicking ass, those Daily Wire guys.
Plus, they got Matt Walsh, who, like you said, is killing it, and they just hired Adam Carolla.
I almost exclusively watch censor.tv content and know the DW is your competition, yeah, I guess.
But spending an additional $100 a year to get conservative movies made is super important in these crazy times.
I recommend all baby monsters do the same.
The Hollywood Union started debating vaccine mandates forecasting for and I wasn't into that.
I don't think that's a good idea.
See, again, my dick is like you could probably fuck her.
My dick has a Brooklyn accent.
See, right there?
You could wrestle with that.
She has the perfect female body.
Thank you to all the Dick Car members.
You guys have been an extended family.
Thank you to everybody for making this possible.
Without you, I don't know where I'd be right now.
Well, Taneshi Coats now?
There's no other place I'd rather be.
He sounds like her.
I hope everybody's doing well.
Boy, Taneshi Turncoats.
Flip sides faster than a flap deck.
How great is it that his great-grandmother's slave got five fucking acres?
My great-grandmother's slave.
It's the best thing.
Did you know this?
It was supposed to be 40 acres?
It was supposed to be 40 acres in a mule.
40 acres and a mule, yeah.
Sure, that's a fuckload of land, though.
If it was 40 acres total, that would be reasonable.
Yeah, yeah.
Split that amongst yourselves.
But have you been watching the show, Maddie?
Five acres she got.
It's like five football fields.
It's a nice neighborhood.
It's like where you grew up.
I bet where you grew up in New Rochelle, everywhere you would go, all your friends, 100% of your world was his great-grandmother's area.
It's like two and a half streets, 10 houses on each street.
Yeah, I think the house I grew up in, which was, I lived on a corner property and I had a detached garage.
I think it was a quarter of an acre.
She got five acres.
Yeah, it was happy.
I was happy.
Almost every African American.
Wait, was that Taneshi Coach playing Taneshi Goat rancor?
What a redundant ass.
Those ancestors can only be glimpsed through the records of their owners.
But in Harriet's case, the records also contain quite a bit of a matter of time.
We've already watched this 100 times.
But we had a baby monster send in an email that goes, you know why they did that?
Because that homo from NPR resents that Taneshi Coates is successful.
And he was like, he had a great point.
He's like, strip race from it.
It's an old timer who's been doing this forever who sees a young buck come in and get more notoriety than him and get higher speaking fees at Harvard.
And he's like, fuck you.
Jealousy and envy.
So he gives him a little stab.
Took away his reparations, huh?
Your great granny was a rich slave stab.
She probably told on my granny, who was a regular slave.
Yeah, my granny had nothing.
I heard she was invited to your granny's house.
My great granny was your great granny's slave, bitch.
Yeah, that's the best thing.
Like, you're bragging about how slave they were.
Mine was a fucking super slave.
She wash feet.
I do that all the time.
I talk about my dad not having shoes that fit.
True.
Hi, Gavin, Ryan, and Maddie.
I'm constantly watching your show.
I love to watch G-O-M-L.
This is called Baby Loves Your Show.
I'm putting a Maddie search on the emails.
If you want to pin them, I can follow the pins.
Okay, I'll do, let's do green.
I love to watch GML, of course, and your old show on Rebel Media.
My blah, blah, blah.
This is boring.
I have a two-month-old baby boy who watches your show.
This is a boring email, dude.
No one fucking gives a shit if your stupid baby watches our show.
That's so terrible.
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
Oh, look at that.
Your baby doesn't watch our show.
This is like people glorifying their dogs.
My dog loves your show.
I like that.
Whatever that is, though.
Yeah, that's a cute touch.
It looks nice.
You got your baby coming when?
Soon.
I mean, like, it could be.
Good answer.
I don't think she's going to be induced, but the doctor was talking about maybe inducing.
And she's like, no, I want to go all natural.
No, no medicine and no pain.
No, no, no.
She's going to get something.
She's saying.
A shot of Demerol or something.
She's saying.
No, my wife did the first kid with nothing at all.
Damn.
It was funny, but I remember my wife was in labor.
And I think the only thing she got was maybe one shot of Demerol.
And she kept like, every time she would have a contraction, we'd put her hand on her face, spoosh it in.
So the next morning, she wakes up and she says, why does my fucking nose hurt?
Oh.
I said, because all last night you kept fucking smashing your nose in your face.
But her, I mean, she had a quick labor, so it was not too bad.
How big was he?
Do you think you know what?
Seven pounds, six ounces or something like that.
Oh, I'm impressed you remember that.
Seven pounds, eight ounces, somewhere in there.
He's gotten a lot and bigger since then.
Yeah.
He was at the house tonight.
He was at the hoose.
Is he getting serious with that broad?
Yeah, yeah.
He was out birthday shopping for her today because it's her birthday this weekend.
And oh, he is buying a new PMW.
Oi Vei.
Oi Vei.
He keeps getting all my dream cars and then totaling them.
You know, my brother, we had that baby monster who emailed in and said, I can't find a date.
I hooked her up with my brother.
That's so cool.
They've been getting along great, but they haven't met yet.
It's been weeks.
And he goes, I'm talking to her.
She seems really cool.
I mean, it's been like 25 hours of FaceTime.
If this is a setup, they're really devoted to their job.
How do I know this is real?
And he's like, you're either the best brother in the world for setting this up or the worst brother in the world for fucking getting me hustled.
Yeah.
I mean, I just don't see when people start off a relationship online.
Like, just it's, it's tough because.
Dude, it's a different generation.
The way these people talk to each other, these young people, these Zoomers, they're just like, what happened to your past three relationships?
It's like speed dating.
They're just like, why did you break up?
What happened?
Okay, do you have a pattern of this?
Okay, goodbye.
Which doesn't allow for any, like when my wife met me, I said, I'm not having kids.
I'm not interested.
Yeah.
And then there was the stupidest thing ever imaginable, and she fixed that.
So you're assuming that whatever happens, whatever you don't like about the person you're dating is unfixable.
It's not.
No.
Compromise.
Work.
You can change her, especially women like me.
Hi, Gav, Maddie, Rygai.
This was number one in the UK in 2001, and the video sounds very gay and unrealistic.
This jam, it's a jam in a Ryan's mum kind of way.
I already hate this song, and I hate that we're searching Maddie songs.
I should only do emails that specifically want to talk to Maddie, not just...
Oh, did you pin it?
Who is that?
Dinesh.
Yeah, I did.
You look like Dinesh meets fucking Hassan Piker.
Wait, was that me?
Yeah.
Did you put Dinesh on me?
I did.
I put a Dinesh on you.
Wait, but it's your mouth.
Because you're a toad.
Oh, that's my mouth.
Yeah, it's when you're talking, yeah.
I feel like I'm a toad.
Let's just say I was a terrible.
I feel like I race cars all over the place.
I'm not only Dinesh de Souza, but I'm also on West Coast cars.
I like to revamp old Mopars, and I also like to race occasionally.
Sometimes when I race, I feel like I have won.
Even when they outsmart me, and they have the nitro that burns and shoots into the motor, man.
Uh-oh, this is terrible.
I can't find in the pins.
What's the name of it again?
Subject?
If my last email was gay.
Okay.
Why are you gay?
Why are you gay?
Come on, Ryan.
Do your job.
Wow, you're really taking your time with this one.
Oh, okay, found it.
It was really frustrating because every time I typed email, it was something.
Oh, we already did that too.
Okay.
Not his fault.
Isaiah Rollins, G-Spot Rice Cake, and Guy with More Girth, Fieri.
Me.
Wait, why did this come up when I typed in Maddie?
I've been called that before.
Guy Fieri.
Just want to say that not understanding the Instagram culture of streaming one's remarkably unimpressive face doesn't make you an out-of-touch boomer.
It just makes you sane.
Wait, I think we read this one already.
My generation's obsession with themselves is mind-blowing and nauseating.
The girls all think they're the hottest models on the planet, and the guys make complete fags of themselves while making sex faces into the camera.
In either case, they film themselves for no other purpose than getting spurious compliments to further inflate their already leviathan egos.
It's incredibly frustrating when I want to just browse memes and I have to filter through a film.
We did read this.
Yeah.
That was from October 5th, I think.
All right.
I want one specifically for Maddie O'Dell.
Sounds like Joe Tonelli imagines he's Robert Downey Jr.
Really?
From the movie Air America.
Are you serious?
We're doing this now?
Really?
This is what we're doing?
Here's a guy, your drunk mate Joe.
Gavin, we, the subscribers, care far less about your dumb drunk mate Joe, the big fat liar, than you and Maddie do.
Please don't spend 20 minutes per show going on about this hopeless softcock.
We don't care.
And then he adds, now, what do you think of these big fucking tits?
And he adds a woman.
Hey, now.
Your drunk mate, Joe.
Those are some big, big tits.
Those are really big titles.
Those are some New York boobs.
What do you think of those tits, Matty?
Mongus.
Well, I'm not really a tick guy.
Like, it's not my thing, but the last few series, like my ex-wife, she had 34 double D. My girlfriend, my last serious girlfriend, she was 32 double D. And it just.
Titcha tits.
You know, they lay on their back because they're natural.
They're in their armpits.
Yeah, what do you do with them?
I guess when they're on top, you smush them in your face.
Yeah, that's nice.
You motorboat.
You motorboat inside of the beach.
Pardon me, can I talk to you for my TV show?
Please don't run.
Boy.
Black privilege.
Some sweet New York boobs.
Yeah, have you seen that segment?
He goes around putting metal awards on.
I mean, those are big.
I mean, they look a lot bigger than what her frame would normally suppose.
Now, where do you think the nipple is on those suckers?
Yeah.
Right at the top of the triangle or top of the cup.
Oh, no, no, no.
They're looking at the Super Dollar pancake nipple.
It's at the bottom of the V. I don't mind that, though.
I've never minded nipple stuff.
I know a lot of nipple snobs where they're like, it has to be a silver dollar.
I don't care if that nipple is like a frayed tea plate, like a dish sausage.
But they were actually, they were huge.
If you look at the strap on the bikini.
If you look at the strap on the bikini, I mean, frayed.
She's got to buy custom bikinis, that's for sure.
Yeah, when my wife had our son, she went up to like a G. Oh.
It's crazy.
Ouch.
Nipples went inverted and all sorts of crazy shit.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Nipples went in.
Yeah, they were so big that, you know, they didn't.
The nipples couldn't hang on.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, no.
You're telling the truth, though, right?
Are they talking about my wife's ex-wife's tips?
I don't think so.
I don't know what.
This one, I don't know what they.
How do they know about Maddie's ex-wife's tips?
Exactly.
That's creepy.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's weird.
Independent fact-checkers, too.
Somebody's been nosing around in my trash.
That's TMI.
Oops.
Hate out.
I just played a beat.
I know that a common gavinism is that women ruin everything.
Yes.
I happen to agree, except for sex.
It really sucks without women.
Correct.
I started thinking about how rabid people are today about politics, fighting and screaming at each other's families, blah, blah, blah.
I bet in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, when it was mainly men involved in politics, men who disagreed with each other on political issues were still friends with each other.
I bet they would work together, discuss politics, debate, and argue, but then go out drinking together all night and have a great time.
I bet they would even have barbecues together because they were men and were confident enough in themselves to not let such petty disagreement ruin their friendship.
I would also add that like I'm pro-Israel, right?
But say Maddie, my friend, had like all of this evidence that I had never heard of before about how evil Israel is.
I'm open to fucking shutting it down.
I mean, I might be wrong.
If he had just come from there and he was like a big Israeli expert and he's like, I don't care, but it's not about Palestine.
It's about this and that and the corruption and some whole involved thing about how they're really just a Potemkin village that Joe Biden is propping up and the Palestinian thing is a distraction.
I'd be like, holy shit, let me look this up.
But that sounds like a big deal.
I don't have any views outside of pro-life and God existing where they're unshakable.
I'm happy to get knocked down.
Like with climate change and everything, I just personally think it's not a big deal.
But if you have tons of evidence that it is a big deal, real evidence, obviously, then yeah, I'm all in.
And I think that's the way real men are.
Well, we disagree on one thing, pit bulls.
Pit bulls.
You know, don't sweat over yo.
I love them.
You hate them.
Okay.
Teach yourself.
Yeah.
And pit bulls is a funny one, too, because we both have all the facts.
Yeah.
They are, you know, they do have a bad rep, and there are instances where they have killed people and maimed people.
I'm not saying it's the way you're raised.
The dog was specifically bred for one thing.
They definitely do.
Your Honor, he seems to be making my argument pretty exactly.
I mean, but Pitbull fills this kind of gap between the pop rap community, because it's like kind of worldly, but it also...
No, no, no, Ryan, I don't have a problem with the rapper Pitbull.
It's the dog.
Oh, I was going to say, okay.
Yeah.
Much funnier thing would you have been to make a Pitbull face and be like, why aren't you guys arguing about me?
And you think of that for next time.
There you go.
That's true.
Especially because as a Puerto Rican, you should be able to do it.
Oh, he's Cuban, right?
Yeah, he's Cuban.
Cubano.
Cubano.
Same accent.
When women got involved in politics, however, they felt and still feel inadequate and self-conscious, so they lash out in anger.
Yes, I strongly believe that.
I strongly believe that a lot of this maniacal anger you get from women is their insecurity.
And their emotions.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Like, say I started screaming at you that you were never in the Hell's Angels.
You would just be like, all right, all right, buddy.
Yeah, okay.
You got me.
You got me.
You don't have to prove.
You have nothing to prove.
But when they have something to prove, it's like if you call an alcoholic an alcoholic and they get super fucking mad because you hit, you touched on.
You struck a nerve.
You struck a nerve.
You can't strike a nerve when you're dealing with someone who understands the truth.
Yeah.
Women get incredibly emotional and destroy the friendship.
Then their pussy boyfriends and husbands, so true, who have been basically turned into women, start acting the same way.
And that I'm seeing in the suburbs with this hate has no home here sign where the husband is MAGA.
He voted for Trump and he has a Hate Has No Home here sign on his lawn because his wife wants it and whatever makes you happy.
That's why most right-wing conservative men want to converse, have discussions, find the truth, but the Libstars want to shut us up, destroy anything and anyone that disagrees with them in a fit of rage.
Like as Dennis Prager said, they think we're evil.
We just think they're wrong.
P.S. This is for Ryan to answer as well.
Oh, okay.
It looks like a would you rather type of thing.
I haven't read this yet, but if this is involving your dad sucking your dick or some shit about your sister and fucking your sister, guys, come on.
Any incestual incest is so fucking lame thing.
I'm not sucking my dad's balls.
Like, that's obviously, I'd rather almost, I think I'd rather die than anything that's going to ruin my friendship with my, my relationship with my dad.
So don't include family in any kind of would you rather, obviously.
Fucking so stupid.
I heard you guys were talking about me.
Oh my God, Pimple.
Hey.
You're talking about my rights and, you know, like attacking people.
Listen, back in Cuba, I used to attack a lot of people.
I just didn't know one thing.
Did you bring his cigars?
No, no.
I think this is a big misunderstanding.
You don't disproportionately attack people, do you?
Dale Huevo.
No, I don't.
Back in Cuba, maybe I did a couple of things here and there, but here, I make a music.
Yeah, that's what we thought.
But there's this reputation you have for overreacting and just locking into someone's neck and not letting go.
Yeah, sometimes I would do that.
And people, they run over, they're trying to grab my boss, put a finger on my ass, and then I let go because I like it.
I make them reward my behavior.
That's really all I'm trying to do when I'm biting a neck or bite your little kid's hand or something.
I just want a finger in my kulo.
Oh, you're doing it to get a finger in your kudo.
Say, took him a long time to figure that out.
You just blew it by saying it on the show.
Oh.
The jig is up.
No, but the baby monsters, you know, they know.
The baby monsters, they know.
Mr. Worldwide.
Tusave.
Tusave, si.
Holy shit.
Holy girl.
I can't believe we had Pitbull on the show.
That is.
Surprise guests.
Surprise, a little disappointing to bring any cigars from Cuba.
I knew I could tell when Jim Goad was on that Ryan was just doing a good Jim Goad impression, but that was obviously actually Pitbull via Skype.
Right.
We're not stupid, my friend.
I didn't say anything because I was starstruck.
You were starstruck?
I was starstruck.
I'm still kind of collecting myself.
You sound like Biden now with that, like...
Hey, son is sane as thing.
I was Star Wars, man.
Star Wars?
I'm not Star Wars, man.
Beat me up, man.
Starstruck, man.
P.S., this is for Ryan to answer as well.
Why would Ryan, why would he have to say that?
Are you not usually included in our hypotheticals?
Maybe I shirked them.
All right.
Ready, boys?
Let's hear it.
Fire away.
If you stuck your dick through a glory hole, and there was porn playing on a screen in front of you, some super hot chick, I'm going to go with Ava Devine.
Sucking a dude's dick.
Then someone started sucking your cock.
Then, when you get to the point of no return, we all know what that is, he says.
When you come.
And you are a second away from blowing your load, the curtain comes up and you see it's a dude.
Would you come anyways?
Would you run out screaming with your pants at your ankles?
Have you ever...
Have either of you ever stuck your dick into a glory hole and has Maddie.
What?
No, I haven't done that.
Glory holes are like in comic books, like adult-rated comic books.
Do they even exist?
There's a whole porn genre.
Yeah, there's a porn genre.
This is...
Is it a thing, though?
Avid Devine?
Maybe not this picture, but the...
That's Avid Devine.
I think she's the most beautiful woman in porn.
I don't support porn.
That's not her.
Dick sucking listening.
Ian Fidance, he's a comedian.
He claims that there are glory holes in Chelsea, and he got denied at one, and he's got a story about it.
Denied?
Yeah.
Why did his balls stink?
How'd he get denied?
I don't know.
If you walk around in 100-degree weather and 100% humidity in New York City and you go to get your dick suck and you put your pants down.
They should have like a bunch of bleach wipes.
Has Maddie, has anybody ever done that?
Sounds like a lot of shit can go very wrong.
Yeah, moron, of course a lot of shit can go wrong.
That sounds terrifying to you.
See, the problem with this whole hypothetical is it implies that we would do a glory hole.
I wouldn't do a glory hole ever.
Correct.
I'm not even in prison.
Not even if I just got out of prison and I hadn't had a blowjob in 10 years.
False information.
Oh, shit.
It looks like maybe you're not.
Maybe glory holes do exist.
All right, I might give it a whirl if it had been that long.
But you want your dick sucked by a fairly attractive woman, not a supermodel.
Right.
So putting your dick in a hole, the odds of it being a reasonable lady are like one in a million.
Slim to none.
Well, if you go to like Thailand and Bangkok and all that, they get those blowjob bars.
You fucking belly up to the bar and you fucking, they got a bunch of girls behind the bar sucking dicks.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's different, though.
Yeah.
That's not a glory hole.
No.
Okay, look at this.
We've got some more Maddies that are live from tonight.
Nice.
Hey, Maddie and the other two.
I know you raped a girl in the East Village in 1992.
Her name was Rachel Sandrak, and here's a picture and the police report that she...
No, just kidding.
There was no...
Wait, but hold on.
I'm like, Rachel Sandrak?
Maybe I know her.
There was no false information claim for that.
Oh, yeah, that's disturbing.
So it's accurate.
It's true.
Hey, Maddie, and the other two.
You should check out the song Tired Man by Doug Powell.
It's one feminism.
What?
So you could say it's a bit different from songs you hear nowadays.
I think it would make a great anthem for the show.
Okay?
This guy cheated, by the way.
He knew we were on a Maddie bender.
So he made his email, Hey, Maddie, and the other two.
Got nothing to do with Maddie.
Late 50s?
Lazy women always doing me wrong.
You know, I was thinking the other day, too.
I think Jim Goldman have actually given me this, but they're like, oh, white man's always ripping off the black man, like the blues and shit.
Where'd you get the guitar, dude?
It's not bongos.
So you're welcome.
Oh, did you see this?
One of our buddies, he's a PB.
And then also Bobby Pickles found This in Netflix.
It claims that Proud Boys are racist, and it's on Netflix.
You don't think Prowboy queen talking to me.
On Netflix.
Wow.
Yeah, we talked about that before.
You're going to fork out a...
Like, say Prowboys were racist.
I don't think racists deserve to have their eyes removed.
Correct.
That is very true.
I don't agree with you.
I think that it's mean to think that certain races are inexorably inferior and need to be deported.
It's a silly belief, as are raw foodists and vegans, but to remove their eyeballs?
And by the way, here's another kind of crazy angle on that.
If there's a fork that's walking around doing that in a Christian world, then it has to be God's divine intervention.
So now God is de-eyeballing people, gouging their eyes out.
And aren't you proving them?
Because if those exist in a Christian world, then God doesn't exist if they're not part of God's plan.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, God wouldn't allow a magic fork to just cut people's eyes out.
Hey, fags, I think Maddie doing a show would be awesome.
Would love to hear more stories of the old crime days straight from the big guy's mouth.
Plenty of stories.
Yeah, that's an interesting idea.
What do you think of that, Maddie?
Who knows?
Who knows what holds down the road?
What about a, well, the problem with your industry is that any kind of talk seems like snitching.
Right.
It's called dry snitching.
Dry snitching?
I never heard that shit.
Yeah, it's like if you tell about crimes that you did and you mention people's names.
Like if I go into a story, I won't use people's real names or exact times and dates so nobody can be implicated in crimes.
Because there's certain crimes that don't have statute of limitations.
Well, like what crimes?
Huh?
Murder.
I think for the money.
Murder has no statue of limitations.
I could have killed someone 100 years ago and they come get me.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
And attempted murder.
I'm not sure.
Because we had that cop on the show from Colorado who got shot 50 years ago and he caught the guy and the guy went to jail.
And he's obviously alive if he caught the guy.
Right.
Like certain, like a lot of crimes have statute of limitations.
If they're felonies, it's usually seven years.
Like after seven years, they don't initiate prosecution.
They can't pursue the charges.
Oh.
For me, remember, I talked to Tiny Tuetse the other day.
He called me up, and he brought up an interesting detail.
So the guy who shot him in the foot, it was in the foot.
Oh, it wasn't in the foot.
It was in the foot, but it was from far away.
So it's a fucking brutal shot because it went this way through his foot.
Oh, okay.
So all these bones are shattered, which isn't a big deal.
They're just little fucking lollipop sticks.
But the heel bone, that's destroyed.
So he's got to deal with that.
But I go, so, and I was actually bringing up you, Maddie.
I said, so my buddy said that it's actually a big deal felony assault.
Right.
Assault one.
Assault one.
Yeah, yeah.
And he goes, but it should be way worse.
And I go, why should it be worse?
And he goes, because that guy was on chats, the guy who shot Tiny was on chat saying, Tiny needs a bullet.
Okay.
So that's premeditated.
Premeditated.
Could be attempted murder.
But because of where he gets shot in the foot, the likelihood that you're going to die is very slim.
Like, even if you get shot in the thigh, you have more of a chance of getting a mortal murder, yeah.
Bleed out.
But yeah, like when it comes to assault one and attempted murder, it's depending on where the injuries are and what the intent, like, but not.
But yeah, talk about intent.
And that wasn't just the one.
There was another.
He's on another chat saying, like, we need to start taking these proud boys out.
We need to start shooting them, blah, blah, blah.
Like a bunch of examples of him saying, let's kill Tiny.
Giving them all the rope they need to hang them.
I mean, unfortunately, I know a girl who's a close friend of mine who had her ex-boyfriend broke into her house and shot her in the leg with a shotgun.
And it blew like half of her ankle off and everything.
And let me tell you, to this day, it's a tough, when the ankle is destroyed, it's a tough road.
Yeah, I imagine your whole body's weight is on that every time you step a million times a day.
Yeah, yeah.
I broke my heel in a motorcycle accident once.
I was going out there in 2004.
I was riding out to California.
I went down in Omaha, Nebraska.
And, you know, as I went over the high side, my foot hit the ground.
I shattered my heel.
And, oh, it's almost as bad as breaking my tailbone.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
But when you have wounds like that where the heel is destroyed and it's open, it's, I mean, I could show you pictures privately and stuff.
It's pretty bad.
We could show them on the show.
I'd have to get them.
The heel is why I started believing in God, because when my daughter was born, I was looking at her heel and I thought how perfect it is and I realized God exists.
Do you believe in God?
Of course.
Are you Roman Catholic?
Born and raised Roman Catholic.
You've always believed in God.
Yeah, yeah.
This is from a guy named Jamie.
The subject matter is Maddie, and it says we need more Joe stories.
Fuck the baby monsters.
And when he says that, he means the ones who say no more.
He's referring to the earlier letter.
Joe stories.
I have a Joe story.
I'm not sure I've told this on the show before.
Ryan, you don't drink.
Maybe you can help me out here.
Correct.
Did I talk about Joe and law enforcement and the two dads that were at the bar?
I think I did.
You mentioned it to me the other day.
These two MAGA dads were at the bar, and they're talking about Nelson Mandela.
Yeah, I think I did.
Nelson Mandela, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, so I wasn't, I wasn't like, fuck, you're a dead man.
I was just like, Nelson Mandela's a terrorist.
He killed 300 people.
And Winnie Mandela is much worse with the tire necking or whatever they call it.
What do they call it?
Necklacing?
Necklacing.
They put a...
They take a...
Winnie Mandela did this to dozens of people she saw as a threat.
She put an empty tire around their necks.
It's filled with gasoline.
You light it on fire.
It burns your fucking face off.
And then it slowly melts the hot rubber down your body.
That's stadistic.
The worst way to die imaginable.
Sadistic.
Look at that.
That was Nelson Mandela's right-hand woman.
Anyway.
Then he gets out of jail for like 30-something years and divorces her.
So I didn't threaten the guy or anything, but it was a little tense.
And then Joe Tonelli goes, by the way, guys, you got law enforcement behind the bar.
I mentioned that to him yesterday.
What did he say?
I said, Joe.
Oh, we serious?
I said, Joe, we're doing this right now.
They said, Joe, the job in FedEx didn't go as planned.
But I heard you were back behind the stick last night, you know, pouring beers.
I go, I heard that you were telling people that it was law enforcement behind the bar.
That wouldn't mean you, wouldn't it?
What, are you serious?
Really?
What are we doing?
Really now?
Oh, really?
Matt, now you're accusing me of this?
Dude, it was a lie so absurd.
I can't remember.
It was me, Jose.
I can't remember who else was there.
Maybe James.
And we didn't even make fun of him.
Oh, yeah.
It was so absurd that we all went.
Yeah.
What?
Like, that's a new one.
Anyway, let's.
Let's say that again.
Yeah, exactly.
That was the tone.
I wasn't, like, I thought I misheard.
Because I was like, maybe there's a cop that's going to help you out with the bar?
Yeah.
Is he here bar back?
Is there a cop bar back here?
Because you're not in law enforcement.
You're in nothing enforcement.
You can't enforce your own law.
You can't even enforce your own will.
Your life's a joke.
Fucking terrible.
I hope the fans like that dog because I'm not a fan of the dog.
My wife goes, let's get a rabbit.
Our boy will love it.
Our youngest boy will love it so much.
Don't worry.
You'll see plenty on your lawn.
Yeah, there's plenty already.
And she's like, they're so cute and he loves animals.
And I'm like, he'll love that rabbit for 15 minutes.
15 minutes.
And then we have this smelling fucking shit machine in a cage eating honey.
I don't think they smell bad at all.
I used to have a rabbit.
They don't smell too bad though.
For how long?
When?
Like a year or two.
More than a year.
They don't they live 10 years?
What did your fucking recons fry them up?
No, I think we either set her free or she ran away into the woods.
Cheddar, her name was.
See, it's easy for Puerto Ricans to talk about pets because they don't really put in the time.
They usually just escape or they're lost.
As like probably the least Puerto Rican, Puerto Rican out there, I loved this rabbit and I used to play with her and yeah, she was great.
Did you pick it up by the ears?
No, no.
Actually, there was this one black guy, Bill, Uncle Bill.
He was like a friend of the family, but we called him Uncle.
And he would chase me around and pretend that he was going to cook and make Pfeffenhofer, which is like bunny stew.
Yeah, Hafen Pfeffer.
Yeah, HafenPfeffer.
Yeah, it's a big German meal.
And he would chase me around.
I was like, is there anybody going to stop him?
Because I was convinced.
I was young enough to think that he would cook.
I like rabbit.
I've eaten it many times.
Eat it?
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Alrighty, let's take some calls.
I'm getting a little trippy.
Dude, thanks for calling.
I'm going to pour some drinks.
There you go.
Thanks for calling.
Frankly, that's what they call it.
Quite frankly, you are on the air.
This is a fucking loser.
You want me to learn, Sheriff?
Understand why.
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It's great hearing from you.
Bye-bye.
All right, next call.
Stay classy, San Diego.
Alrighty then.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're pouring beers and shots and not on camera.
You're on cam.
She wouldn't want to be on camera.
Okay.
Thanks for calling.
Now we're on the wide shot.
There we go.
Boom.
Boom.
Damn.
Fucking.
I'm beach ball mad.
No, dude, I was mad.
Like, I was, I was fucking...
I was beach ball mad.
Beach ball mad.
Gasp.
When I found out she was cheating on me, I got fucking...
I was like fucking beach ball mad.
You don't even want to know, son.
You don't want it.
Yo, son.
It was ugly.
It was ugly.
I don't like this.
I like Max admitting Max admitting he's becoming black in prison.
He's like, the other day, this brother was like, you heard?
And I did.
I had heard.
You heard?
I heard.
You know what's weird about those guys, by the way?
When you send them shit, they rip open all the packages.
So they just give the prisoner the thing.
Yeah.
So if you want them to know it's from you, put a note in the thing.
Now, I know it's weird because Amazon is the best way to send them shit.
But if you send them something from Amazon, then send them a letter going, did you get the thing that I sent?
Yeah.
So they know who it's from.
Follow up a little letter.
That never gets old.
Jesus Christ.
Mr. You okay in there?
I read about Gandalfini today.
Yeah, the New York Post?
No, I don't know.
I got in a little Gandalfini thing.
I looked him up on Wikipedia and stuff, and so he was like a popular dude in high school who was very tall, basketball guy, and was in a bunch of plays.
And then he was in true romance where he was like an enforcer.
Yeah, he beat the girl up.
He beat the girl up.
And I think my theory is David Chase and the producers were looking for cheap sunglasses.
They were looking for someone who's not going to ask for like an Al Pacino or a fucking De Niro that's going to ask for a million dollars an episode.
And so they found a guy who was like a drama club nerd, not a nerd, but a drama club kid.
And he looked pretty good in a couple of movies.
There he is.
Dude, he's got the smile you hated from his son, though.
No, that doesn't bother me.
That doesn't bother me.
You know what I didn't realize?
His son's a chink.
His son's a chink.
Yeah.
Who says that?
Wait, what?
God?
Oh, yeah.
Genetics?
Deborah Lynn.
Deborah Lynn.
He married a rice ball.
Oh.
Wow.
He can't see that.
So the weird smile you're seeing is like a rice-arone.
Oh, I see.
Not that half Asians are annoying.
Hey, I'm one of those things that you mentioned.
Yeah.
Look at your office.
Need I say more?
The fuck's going on?
Like, what is that monitor?
Go back, Ryan.
What is that monitor?
Like, what is that?
Oh, that's our security cam.
Why is it off?
Because I ran out of outlets, and I just switch them on and off.
Plus, that'll drain the electricity.
It's better to keep the monitor off.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's keep the security low.
Why, if there's one thing we want to save, it's the 38 cents a year that our security monitors cost.
Well, I just made that up on the fly, but I need this light.
It makes things green.
All right, shut up.
Let's take a call.
I can't believe we've only left 20 minutes for calls.
Holy flips.
Shoot.
This is AT ⁇ T 985.
You're on the line.
Hey, Joe.
Yo.
Hey.
First off, first off, great show tonight.
Oh.
Second, Ryan, you're having way too much fun with the fucking software.
That's true.
Three, Maddie has great posture.
And the last one is the t-shirts.
The apostrophe, like for the two that are going to be auctioned off, why don't you just sign your names a little fucking bigger?
Did you ever think of that?
Wait, what do you mean sign them bigger?
An apostrophe is this big.
So?
Does it really matter?
I mean, it could be a little bit bigger.
No, that would look ridiculous, though, to have this big signature.
There's only two of them.
There's only two.
I understand, but it's not an apostrophe anymore.
Ryan's idea was make it the apostrophe.
In the world of apostrophes, they're this big.
Nah.
Well, I mean, we could be different again.
Thanks for calling.
Fuck you.
Bye.
Like, do people know what the word apostrophe means?
In fact, the concept of an apostrophe is, I don't have time to write let us, so I'm going to write let's, and then I need you to know that I cheated, so I'm just going to leave a little boop, a little zip, a little.
Now, if we put a signature in a, it's going to be small.
If we write Gavin Miles McInnes or Ryan Catsu Rivera, it's clearly not an apostrophe anymore.
And don't fucking make that a gif of me, Zeke Heiling.
Even that looks stupid.
He's loving this bullet almost more than Makers.
Yeah, it's real sweet.
I like it.
I like it a lot.
Jason's online.
He's got a movie recommendation.
It's probably Friday the 13th.
Yeah, Gavin, I got two recommendations.
They're both Russian war movies about World War II.
First one is called Come and See from 1985.
And then the second one is called T34, like the tank.
And that's from 2019.
Go check them out.
Okay, thanks for calling.
T34.
I guess I'll text those to Russia.
Come and see.
Come and see.
And T34.
Here's T34.
I think it was the Tiger, the Tank.
I got to admit, I'm such a Western chauvinist that when I see Eastern suffering, I feel nothing.
I know they're my race.
I feel nothing.
That might as well be an Indian mudslide.
Well, is Scotland really been the kind of guy?
Scotland's Western Europe?
Huh?
You don't think Scotland's Western Europe?
Yeah.
Say, when you say there's damage to the East, you feel nothing.
I'm like, yeah, because you're not from the East Europe.
Right.
Like, Eastern Europe's like the Warsaw Black Pole.
Yeah, well, like, God hates communism.
So when I see communists fail, I go, yeah.
Yeah.
That's what we told him.
That's the way it should be.
That's the deal.
You played God, and you lost.
It's like they say, you know, deciding who eats and who lives is playing God.
You're literally playing God at chess, and he wins every time.
So it's like Indian mudslides.
Like when I'm on actual public freakouts and they go, a woman in Delhi, India, New Delhi, is stoned to death for cheating on her husband.
I'm like, don't care.
I figured as much.
That's my subs.
Come and see.
Communism can take something as amazing as white people and turn it into a fucking nightmare.
I mean, the thing is, as a war movie vet, it's not really my decision what battles I have to go into, so I will watch these.
You've done foreign tours, yeah.
I've done foreign tours.
You'll be in theater, as they say.
I don't want to toot my own horn, but a lot of vets have been to one war, like Vietnam or Iraq.
Afghanistan.
As a movie war vet, I've been to World War I, World War II, Korea, Vietnam.
Iraq won.
Iraq won.
Iraq war.
Afghanistan.
Afghanistan.
And all the clandestine ones.
I'm not saying I'm better than war vets, but how many have been to six wars?
That's a lot of time.
It's a lot of fucking time, dude.
Folks, if...
Really?
Oh, really?
You serious?
You serious?
We're doing this?
I'm not a war vet.
Oh, really?
Really?
We're going to do this now?
Are you serious?
We've got the fact checkers now.
Oh, we serious?
Are you serious?
What is the fucking growth on his lip?
It looks like somebody punched.
No, you know what it is?
It's because he's missing all his teeth now.
Uh-huh.
Like, one tooth at the bottom is snagging his lip.
So when he talks, it's like hung up on it.
But it's an abscess of, like, it's an abscess the size of an eyeball.
And he's like, are you serious?
Serious?
Yeah, Joe, I'm not making fun of you.
I'm just like, what's with your lump?
And he goes, I had it drained two times last month.
Two times.
I'm the same.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm the same.
Okay, well, get it drained this month.
It's fucking disgusting.
It looks like you're chewing tobacco, but your tobacco is your face.
I don't like the butt chicken.
It's too much of indecence.
I don't like the Joe face.
Too much lip.
Too much of indecence.
Who do we got here?
Tom.
He's got some pet peeves.
Okay, let's hear him.
Tommy Peeves.
TP.
Hey, what's up?
What's going on?
Remember in the past when you did that 10 things I hate most thing?
I love you TPs.
I can't believe you didn't add this one.
Men that have long nails.
It's so disturbing and gross.
Where do you live?
Ontario, Canada.
I don't see it.
I don't see men with long nails.
What?
Just earlier in that video that the guy made you play off Netflix, I couldn't watch.
The guy had such long nails.
So distracting.
Is it white men or is it maybe it's like a cultural thing like with Somalis or Middle Eastern men?
Oh, the Indian refugees or whatever.
It's terrible to them.
But I mean, white, everyone, it's so common.
It's so terrible.
Not in my world.
What about you, Maddie?
I noticed what guys have longer than normal.
I mean, my name is North.
Well, there's essential Americans who will grow out their pinky thumbs super long to do Coke.
You know who has long nails?
But I don't see it that much.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
You know who kind of has long nails?
Who?
And I noticed it today.
He sent me a pic.
No, he sent me a picture yesterday.
Bill.
Million dollar bill.
Oh, really?
He sent me a picture.
He was holding an orange juice bottle.
And I looked at it and I seen his finger and I go, he needs to trim those motherfuckers.
Yeah.
It's a bad look if I came across it a lot, but I don't.
I have a list I'm working on.
I always wonder how the fuck people wipe their fucking ass when they have nails that long.
Yeah.
Like, it's like, what do you...
Well, black women have long nails, but the good news is they don't have to worry about it because they don't do anything.
Here's two I have.
When someone calls someone a gossip, I don't like that guy.
He's a gossip.
Or she's a gossip.
That doesn't disgust.
Gross.
I could do it.
It was very gross, dude.
Oh, you did it?
Yeah, that was me in the clip.
Oh, sorry.
It's just like, it's going down, like, going down fingernails is like going down wood.
No, it was gross, dude.
It's a minute time.
But why is it gross?
It's just like it might as well be going down anything.
What do you do with it?
It's like somebody has like dreadlocks on their fingers, dude.
No, dreadlocks collect.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I guess it scrapes a lot.
Dude, imagine if somebody had dreadlocks on their balls, dude.
Steve, Steve-O, do you remember used to, I was on your RAD email list.
It was like Johnny Knoxville, Mike Judge was on it, all the jackass dudes, and you would do whippets and send out these 7,000-long, 7,000-word emails talking about like redemption and justice and Jesus and finding yourself.
Do you remember any of that?
I don't remember any of that, dude.
I was high as balls, dude.
They were fucking hilarious.
You were retarded.
Yep.
I'm better now, though.
Sober.
Clean as sober.
Sort of.
Kind of.
It's pretty funny.
You mentioned Whippets.
I put up a picture on my Instagram.
I saw that, yeah.
It's like, holy shit.
And a silencer and everything.
I used to love Nitrous.
We did Nitrous at my old job in between.
The job was bringing old people to their appointments.
And so we had a lot of time to burn if you dropped a lady off a dialysis.
So we went to Newberg and we bought...
I couldn't believe it was legal.
We just popped balloons.
Like you said, most people buy the little nitrous oxide tanks for making whipped cream and stuff like that.
But I get the, looks like helium tank size.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Is it even bad for you?
I don't think I've ever done it.
It feels brain.
Oh, it's great.
I love it.
I loved it.
Loved it.
Love it.
It makes you see demons.
Last time I've done it, I did it probably in 2020, maybe last year.
I wonder if it's technically bad.
Well, it's an anesthesia because it's medical grade and food grade.
Like, it's laughing gas.
That's what you give the dentist.
Right.
Nitrous oxide.
It's nitrous oxide.
It's the cramp song.
I mean, you could freeze your lungs.
You could burn your lungs.
There's ways to hurt yourself with it.
Short answer.
Oh, wait.
Short answer.
Although one or two whippets may not cause any damage, abusing them.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Shut the fuck up.
I hate these kind of answers.
Is pot bad for you?
Smoking 30 joints an hour will give you lung cancer.
Yeah, I know.
I don't think I could fit 30 joints an hour into my body.
Bone marrow production.
What about doing whippets once a month for two hours?
No.
Is that bad?
Well, we used to buy 50, 60 inch balloons.
You sit there.
See a whole fucking room full of Hell's Angels all these fucking balloons.
How much is a 50-inch balloon?
Oh, we used to pay $10.
$10 a balloon.
Huh.
But you'd always have to have like a shitload in your pockets because, you know, they break, they pop, they explode.
People pop them.
People hit them with their cigarettes.
Don't want to be caught without a balloon.
I don't know.
I'd love to see how many drugs are actually bad in their own, totally legal, like cocaine.
Have you ever done uncut cocaine?
Well, I did cocaine in South America.
With like a rainbow sheen?
Yeah, like do a line, go to bed, do a line, fuck your girlfriend, do a line, eat a large breakfast.
Yeah, I was down in Brazil, and it was pretty, really good stuff.
So that makes you think, yeah, that's what it looks like.
That makes you think, is it even bad for you?
Maybe heroin isn't bad for you.
Actual pure heroin.
100% pure.
I don't know.
I've never done heroin.
I'm on her.
I've done plenty of coke.
I'm on heroin right now.
I've never done a show not on heroin.
It's true.
I didn't know that about you.
I'm surprised.
That's what this whole sound is.
You hide it well.
That's why I never show my inner elbows on this show.
You want to show your track marker.
That's why I got the tattoos to hide the track mark.
All right, let's do another call.
Here we go.
Okay.
This one, let's go, Brandon, the Coast Guard.
Hey, Gavin, Uuru.
Uhuru.
Hey, I wanted to hear your thoughts on the Coast Guard specifically, you know, out there on the high seas stopping guys smuggling cocaine up from South America like you're just talking about.
What do you mean?
Like, should they be doing that?
Yeah, like, what are your thoughts on them?
I don't know.
I've never been asked this question in my life.
How do I feel about the Coast Guard pursuing the drug war along Central American?
I don't think they should buy.
I just got a clip on YouTube called Coast Guard Narco Sub.
I think you'd be impressed.
Yeah, I support cops, and I understand they're doing their job, but I think drugs should be legal, and I think it's a waste of resources, and I don't like seeing my guys risking their lives fucking with these cartels.
7,000 people in America are doing cocaine right now.
So why are we fighting this?
And yes, I've seen this video 100 times, these guys that skulk along the coast.
And the guy jumps off and jumps.
He jumps on, but those submarines can't sink.
But I love the bravery of these guys doing the, you know, upholding the law, but I don't respect the law.
I think it's a dumb law.
Cocaine?
Cocaine's just, it's a vice.
It's probably as bad as booze.
I mean, my opinion on drugs is they should legal all of it, tax it, and distribute it.
I mean, it is legal.
Oxycontin is indistinguishable from heroin.
And it's legal.
Percocet, the lotta, fucking Vicodaine.
So why are these fuckers risking their lives enforcing these retarded drug law?
I think all drugs should be legalized.
Yeah, and I mean, these guys are U.S. military out there stopping the drugs.
So kind of a waste of resources.
Totally.
Absolutely.
Thanks for calling.
Kind of got the vibe that guy was trying to trip me up on some sort of hypocrisy.
You notice that in British pubs when you're in Britain, in London, someone's really friendly.
They're like, yeah, oh, yeah, you are.
Are you from America?
And you're originally Scottish, are you?
Yeah, yeah.
No, the Scots.
What a background.
I mean, the English fighting them.
I mean, the battles they had, like the Battle of Trafalgar.
I mean, it was amazing.
And you have to sort of be like, yeah, I'm not really familiar with it, but then you'll find out that the Scots murdered a bunch of English babies and blah, blah, blah.
He's trying to take the piss out of you.
Yeah, they're always fucking.
You got to be on your guard over there.
They love the devil's advocate shit.
Whereas in America, it's the opposite.
Everyone's like, hello.
Hi, I'm a rapist.
Oh, okay.
I mean, I assumed rape was bad, but I mean, maybe if it works for you, I mean, I don't know.
Are you a nice rapist?
Are you a good, like, do you rape prostitutes and porn stars?
Because they don't have the same rights.
They should be raped.
They're poor.
I mean, I don't know.
Maybe fuck for a living.
Were they wearing slutty outfits?
Maddie, what's your handle on Instagram?
I live evil.
Gotcha.
I'm trying to see if I can pull up that nice.
Oh, yeah, I love it.
There you go.
There we go.
Yeah, that was the last time I did it.
What's the buzz like?
It's very brief.
You know, it's fleeting.
But it gets to a point, because it is an anesthesia, you kind of have to get it to the point where you inhale enough that you start to, like, kind of not black out, but like you hear, like, a woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, womb.
Oh, yeah.
We used to do...
In high school, we would do Pam cooking spray.
Yeah, people do that with the...
And we would get the woah, whoa, whoa.
Woah, womp.
Pam.
We call it the helicopters landing.
What you doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
But when there's loud music, like the music's always blasting the Hell's James Party.
And then everyone's just like, you just get into it and you get in the zone.
Yeah, we used to call it the stupids.
Yeah, you get this giant balloon, so you're not going up to get a little 10-inch balloon every 10 minutes.
So you get this big, giant balloon, you inhale it a couple times, and you enjoy the little rock shit.
So, I guess when we did Pam Cooking Spray, we were doing nitrous.
I guess, in a way.
It's probably one of the propellants in it.
Yeah, that's what makes it shoot out.
Right.
Like, if you went into the supermarket, you took a can of ready whip where you turn it upside and it goes.
Right.
Like, if you flip it upside down, you do it, and you just suck all the nitrous out of it and leave the cream in there.
And that's the same thing.
You get high than that.
That's why they sell them in those little cartridges because bakeries and restaurants and stuff, they put them in there and make whipped cream.
So you just buy that without the, and you don't put any cream or anything in the cartridge to whip, and you just inhale the gas.
Hmm.
I didn't know I was a whippet head in high school.
Yeah.
All right, we got one more call.
Okay.
Okay.
This guy's talking about Angelo.
His name is Angelo.
Hey, Angelo.
Yeah, Whippets are the unsung hero of shitty college parties.
Whippets of mass destruction.
They call it hippie crack.
Well, we used to do so many of them that we'd pass around a cracker in the dorm room there, and then when we'd turn up and we'd just be passing around, it looked like somebody had just a paintball war.
There's just shells of canister covering the floor.
The cracker.
Well, that almost killed Steve-O.
I mean, Steve-O would do whippets for 36 hours in a row until he was just drowning in an IKEA ballroom of Whippet containers.
That thing's a little much.
That might be a little much.
But we would go to sex shops in upstate New York and Buffalo, and they would sell those whipped cream canisters.
And the Whippets was, you just walk out with a cracker and three racks of nitrous containers.
I guess that guy's having a lot of sex with whipped cream there.
But I saw Maddie's face light up like a kid on Christmas when they were talking about whippets.
I remember I went to an after-party in New York City.
Thanks for calling.
I'm going to take to the clubhouse.
And it was a prominent member from the city's 25th anniversary coming up.
So he had about 15, now, when I say 15 tanks, I'm not talking about the little Whippet cartridge.
I'm talking about 200-pound cylinders, like helium tanks.
Jesus.
15 of them.
Me and a guy in six days went through all of them.
Just me and him.
Two guys, six days.
I mean, a couple people came in as we were partying throughout the week, and they were like, look in, they were like, you know, those are so-and-so's first party, right?
We're like, yeah.
I mean, we had to go buy all new ones for him.
But, oh, it was terrible.
But yeah, six days.
Me and the member at the time, I'm not going to say his name.
We stayed in the clubhouse from the time, from the after party that we had, went to.
I sent my girlfriend home in a cab with her girlfriend.
I said, I'll see you.
She came three times to come get me.
And I never left.
She left three times to come back.
Like, literally six days later, I was like, yo, someone's got to come get me.
This is making me want to do whippets.
Let's get some whippets for next live.
That's hilarious.
Whippet?
Are they legal?
Can you?
Yeah.
Okay, let's do some legal whippets then.
They're absolutely legal.
All right, folks, we're five minutes over.
I like you more than a friend.
No, that sounds insincere.
I do genuinely like you.
I think you guys are the few sane people in Clown World who are as discouraged as I am by what's going on around you.
And you've had enough.
And we've had enough.
And that's why we bond together every day, Monday to Friday, talking about the lunacy that surrounds us and wondering how to fix it.
We can fix it with activism, with what we talked about this week, without Karening the Karens.