GOML #120 - MAIL FOR MATTY (Part 1)
After discussing the need to burn masks, we focus on letters to Matty, and Ryan debuts a masterful Jim Goad impression, with the help of his face swap technology.
After discussing the need to burn masks, we focus on letters to Matty, and Ryan debuts a masterful Jim Goad impression, with the help of his face swap technology.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Guys, wear a mask, okay? | |
| Stop being stupid and selfish. | |
| Wear a mask. | |
| God damn it. | |
| Is it so hard? | |
| Is it so hard to have your glasses fog up for a disease that has really just stopped killing people? | |
| I got a message from some chick today about this new movement to fight the masks. | |
| What was her name again? | |
| She's got a soccer player name. | |
| I know this isn't a great introduction to the show, but bear with me, folks. | |
| Her name was fucking fuggin. | |
| I forget her name. | |
| Elise is a soccer name. | |
| What? | |
| Is it Elise? | |
| No, it's like Gabriella Strife or something. | |
| But Restore Freedom. | |
| So she's pushing this thing. | |
| Look it up, Ryan, or I can send it to you. | |
| Restore Freedom 02. | |
| It's got 36 views. | |
| And their thing is they want to burn on November 3rd, 2021. | |
| Post a video safely trashing your mask to rumble.com. | |
| Include the hashtag in the video description and send a link to RestoreFreedomStrike at protonmail.com. | |
| Restore Freedom. | |
| And the hashtag is trash your mask, all one word. | |
| Restore Freedom. | |
| Catherine Henry. | |
| Well, that's not who I spoke to, but maybe it's the same thing. | |
| Anyway, sorry. | |
| A tangential way to introduce the show. | |
| That was the Datsuns. | |
| What was the song? | |
| I Am the I? | |
| Yes. | |
| We are wearing the Out for Bud shirt that features a Gavin werewolf drinking a Budweiser. | |
| We have Maddie Odell. | |
| What's up, everybody? | |
| Maddie Odell on the mic. | |
| Check, check, check. | |
| And you know how it works here. | |
| We are live and free for the first half hour of the show. | |
| Then we go through the viewer mail. | |
| Shit, I forgot my computer. | |
| And then we take some calls. | |
| But the freeloaders don't get any of that fun stuff. | |
| The freeloaders only get the first half hour. | |
| So fuck you. | |
| But before we get started with that, let us introduce Tactical Walls, a veteran-owned company built in America, made in America. | |
| These are, we have them here in the studio. | |
| Now, unfortunately, we live in New York City. | |
| We're here in the South Bronx where you're not allowed to have anything fun. | |
| So our mod wall features motorcycle helmets, hats, jackets, microphones. | |
| Ryan's mod wall is a cacophony. | |
| It is an absolute fucking mess of strangely folded shirts that sit halfway on a shelf, which I've never seen before. | |
| I don't think anyone has. | |
| Maddie, have you ever seen a shirt displayed like that before? | |
| Well, it's the first time I've seen that. | |
| I'm an innovator. | |
| Yeah, that's one way to put it. | |
| You're an innovator too at your green cobwebs. | |
| I don't know what's going on with that. | |
| I love your display, Ryan, because when I insult you, people go, that guy's mean. | |
| He's picking on that poor Asian. | |
| I love the 1987 Hawaii vacation airbrushed. | |
| That's his brand. | |
| Nope. | |
| Yup. | |
| That's his brand. | |
| Okay. | |
| I don't know what it is. | |
| I don't know what it means. | |
| It's more cool music. | |
| Okay, that's his cool music. | |
| So when you look at his mod wall that he basically has abused tactical walls with, you see how retarded he is and you don't think I'm mean anymore because you go, oh, that's his brain. | |
| It's a mess. | |
| Your whole office is disgusting. | |
| Look at it. | |
| Like, what's the Jets bag? | |
| The Jets bag. | |
| You don't even know. | |
| I don't know. | |
| You don't know. | |
| No. | |
| You have a New York Jets tote, kind of a vinyl bag, just sitting there on its side. | |
| Plenty of bags. | |
| There's like seven totes on their side. | |
| You don't even know what that is. | |
| Totes. | |
| Totes don't, actually. | |
| So anyway, the beauty of tactical walls is you can display your guns, show all kinds of cool stuff. | |
| And if you're an absolute imbecile, you can show the world how stupid you are. | |
| TacticalWalls.com, best products in America, tactical walls, promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders. | |
| That is tacticalwalls.com. | |
| You know how to spell tactical, right? | |
| Promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders. | |
| We are doing Christmas giveaways. | |
| So get in touch with them. | |
| We've got some booze treats here. | |
| I've got a shot of makers, I think, or bullet. | |
| Bullet. | |
| Bullet bourbon. | |
| We shot a bullet and then a pint of, it's not really flat beer, but it's the bottom of the cake. | |
| Bottom of the keg. | |
| I was going to ask you today if you could bring the truck by and we could go to the store. | |
| Did I tell you when I got that first keg? | |
| I go in there, you know that big keg place by the other bar? | |
| Uh-huh. | |
| And I talk to a young man, millennial, and I go, I'm looking for a keg, Budweiser. | |
| And he goes, oh, I'm not sure we have Budweiser. | |
| And then he takes me over to a fridge where, you know, those dumb like college party kegs that are the size of a basketball? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| He goes, I think we have Stella and Heineken. | |
| And I go, what? | |
| Those are beer balls. | |
| I drove all the way out here for a basketball. | |
| Meanwhile, those things are like 20 beers. | |
| Yeah, they're beer balls. | |
| Or less. | |
| They're not a lot, yeah. | |
| So then the owner is walking by, and I go, so this is what you call a keg? | |
| And the owner takes the kid, who I'm going to say is 20, and he goes, what do you do? | |
| What the fuck is it? | |
| Who the fucking? | |
| And I say to him, I go, I'm looking for a keg. | |
| I have a keg orator. | |
| I need a keg, a half keg, I think they're called. | |
| And he's like, yeah, follow me. | |
| And he goes, come here to the kid. | |
| And we go over to a room that's as big as this studio, at least. | |
| Maybe more. | |
| Giant sign on top that says, kegs. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| Millennial. | |
| Like, you come there every day. | |
| You work there. | |
| You work there. | |
| It's a huge room. | |
| It's as big as the store. | |
| There's the store in the front with all the shelves of bullshit IPA faggotry. | |
| But then there's the kegs in the back. | |
| The fucking. | |
| Who the fuck. | |
| I can't lean forward or I turn into the hunchback of Notre Dame. | |
| Look at this, the back of my shirt. | |
| You don't do that, Maddie. | |
| I think you have much better posture than me. | |
| When I'm normal, my shirt has like a pussy lip. | |
| It's got a little rim in the back there. | |
| Yeah, I can't, that's not a good look. | |
| But that's not the fault of the shirt, which you can buy. | |
| Which you can buy. | |
| And also, you should notice, by the way, we always wear our own shirts on Thursday nights. | |
| This is pre-washed. | |
| So you're seeing our shirts not at their peak, because shirts, everything that you buy as far as clothing goes, is better after one wash. | |
| Except maybe a jacket. | |
| So, yeah, we should probably wash these. | |
| But we have all new picks up, new shirts coming. | |
| And of course, our favorite shirts, Let's Go Brandon. | |
| Presently available with an apostrophe. | |
| There's only two shirts made without the apostrophe. | |
| And I guess we'll auction those off. | |
| Maybe at the we're having a big telethon on December 17th. | |
| What if we signed the shirts as apostrophes? | |
| We signed it between the T and the S in the shape of an apostrophe. | |
| With what? | |
| A micro laser? | |
| No, just a regular small. | |
| Ryan, the apostrophe that's requisite on that typo is approximately a quarter inch high and an eighth of an inch wide. | |
| What are you signing Ryan Katsu Rivera with? | |
| You can get it. | |
| A nuclear pen. | |
| It's the initials. | |
| Oh, yay. | |
| This guy's. | |
| Make your mark. | |
| We're already 15 minutes into the show, if you can believe that. | |
| Okay, it's only 10 minutes. | |
| Before I get to the next sponsor at 15 minutes in, I went to the Silwa Eric Adams debate last night at a bar of the playwright in New York City after Compound censored. | |
| What a shit show. | |
| Eric Adams is the bad guy from Princess and the Frog. | |
| I think his name is Dr. Felicitas. | |
| You would know this, Ryan. | |
| No. | |
| Oh, you don't have the Princess and the Frog memorized? | |
| Look up bad guy from Princess and Frog. | |
| Felicius Felicus? | |
| Felonius? | |
| That guy. | |
| He's got this really irritating smirk on him the whole time. | |
| And his big gotcha with Curtis is that Curtis faked a crime so he could look like a hero, which is a hell of a gotcha if it were true. | |
| But it's not true. | |
| So his whole thing, and it might work, is that Curtis lied about a crime made up of fake crime. | |
| And he kept calling him fake crimes, fake crimes. | |
| Curtis didn't come back hard enough against him, I believe. | |
| But anyway, we showed up there. | |
| We weren't on the guest list. | |
| It was Curtis Campaign Workers Only. | |
| And they knew who I was. | |
| They go, you're the guy with the plastic swords, meaning the Otoya Yamaguchi thing on October 12th. | |
| And then I think we had a weird scene where it was like, I like you, dude, but I'm not sure you're good for the campaign. | |
| I don't know if I want you photographed here. | |
| And then we were talking. | |
| I talked to one of the guys. | |
| I go, what if I endorse Eric Adams? | |
| Ooh. | |
| And he was like, please, please do that. | |
| Proud Boys founder endorses Eric Adams. | |
| He follows our values. | |
| We should do that. | |
| I'll do it. | |
| Anyway, I go there with Gino Biscante, the loudest WAP in the world. | |
| And we're doing shots. | |
| And I'm used to doing shots at my bar with Maddie where the corrupt Irishman dilutes them so much that you do five shots and you feel great. | |
| I do shots in the city and I have to lie down in the bathroom because they have alcohol in them, which I'm not, my body's not used to. | |
| So Gino's fucking yelling out and he's clapping, yeah! | |
| And sometimes he gets it wrong. | |
| So they're like, this city needs more, you know, law enforcement and we need to get back to what it was. | |
| And he's like, yeah, in the 80s. | |
| It's like, Gino, it was bad in the 80s. | |
| We're going for like Giuliani, like late 90s, early aughts. | |
| So Curtis's campaign people eventually filtered out. | |
| They decided to watch it back at HQ because I think Gino and I were bad for the brand. | |
| Gino is bad for the human brand. | |
| And the other funny thing, too, was it was so overlit that he looked like he had just washed his face after doing the blue man group. | |
| We need to focus at a much earlier. | |
| Eric Adams was 80% blue. | |
| You know, Curtis wants to build the seawall. | |
| He's very trumpy. | |
| The catch-based sense of the city. | |
| What's a seawall? | |
| No cunts allowed? | |
| No, like when Hurricane Sandy hit and all that. | |
| Oh, SEA. | |
| Yeah. | |
| On a regular basis. | |
| Get those seawalls built up and make sure that areas are designated a flood zone. | |
| I'll give you a few seconds of response. | |
| David, let's be clear. | |
| Seawalls would not have stopped this storm, but you had to be out there moving through the city, helping people to realize that this was rain. | |
| This had nothing to do with seawalls. | |
| If we keep thinking antiquated methods to a modern problem. | |
| What does that mean? | |
| Rain is a modern problem? | |
| Nothing about modern problems is a modern problem. | |
| This new rain everyone's been talking about. | |
| This new problem is rain. | |
| I can't believe Ryan brought up something I haven't thought of before. | |
| I might be drinking too much. | |
| Here's a good clip of Eric Adams being a tattletale snitchy McBoner pants that you just want to punch in his head. | |
| And expand throughout that educational experience. | |
| Thank you, Mr. Adams. | |
| Instead of focusing just on academic excellence, we need to focus at a much earlier age for our children, vocational training. | |
| He's such a good man for the carpenters, electricians, plumbers. | |
| All right, Mr. Seward, thank you. | |
| And hopefully, we have attendance. | |
| Okay, thank you. | |
| We have to keep going. | |
| I have a few reps all the time, and we continue to lie. | |
| I'm the one to follow the rules. | |
| Can he please adhere to the rules that you set up today? | |
| What are we? | |
| We are adhering to the rules, Mr. Adams. | |
| Discretionary, give you a chance to respond. | |
| I guess he's not Australian. | |
| Doesn't that remind you of that kid that like, I'm trying to participate, but Ryan's distracting me with his jokes? | |
| I'm like, you're fucking. | |
| As someone who endorses Eric Adams, I know there's a lot of criticism where they say he was a member of the 100 black officers thing, and though he was a cop, he was actually just a transit cop, and he was always bitching and moaning and suing. | |
| That's not true. | |
| I mean, it might be true. | |
| But what's more important is that Eric Adams is here for New York City. | |
| And he is the change we need. | |
| And he is also, not only is he a cop, but he is a person of color, a man of color. | |
| There's a lot of criticism against him. | |
| Holy shit, I just barfed. | |
| Ew. | |
| I just barfed while bullshitting. | |
| You've hurt me today. | |
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| Check out Beard Vet and tell them Gavin sent you. | |
| Sean, the owner of Beard Vet, is one of us. | |
| He's a good egg. | |
| We like him more than a friend. | |
| Like most of our sponsors, BeardVet is a veteran-owned company and operated by Vets. | |
| We support them. | |
| They support us. | |
| Remember, when you hear these sponsors, folks, these are people who are getting pressured not to sponsor the show. | |
| They're not just randomly picking this show, they're picking this show on purpose. | |
| They're picking this show because they support it. | |
| They support free speech and they support you. | |
| So you should support them. | |
| Let's return the favor and go to beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off all orders, plus Christmas giveaways. | |
| What do you make of that, Ryan? | |
| I think that's friggin' cool. | |
| Don't you? | |
| Awesome. | |
| One more thing before I forget. | |
| They asked him, will they be filling the quotas for black and Latino? | |
| Mr. Sleewa. | |
| And Sliwa said no. | |
| Absolutely. | |
| He said, no, we're just going to, the best guy for the job, we're just going to have that guy do it. | |
| We're not going to, there's going to be no quotas or nothing like that. | |
| But there's another good slam that what's his face did? | |
| Curtis Sleewa. | |
| And that's the last highlight. | |
| Just follow me in the streets and subways. | |
| I'm there. | |
| I'm the people's choice. | |
| Eric Adams is with the elites in the suites, the TikTok girls, trying to sort of live up to the Kardashians at Club Zero Bond. | |
| Come on, Eric. | |
| Come back. | |
| Come back to the streets and the subways. | |
| Be with the real peeps. | |
| Earn the trust. | |
| Pretty good. | |
| That was a good slam. | |
| Yep. | |
| And he was respectful. | |
| He wasn't grumpy and hateful like the other guy was. | |
| He wouldn't talk to him. | |
| He wouldn't look at him. | |
| And then another thing, he wouldn't even shake his hand. | |
| He's a disrespectful guy, this Eric Adams. | |
| He's a piece of crap. | |
| You sound very New York. | |
| Disrespectful guy, this Eric Adams. | |
| He's a piece of crap. | |
| He's got no respect. | |
| Okay. | |
| Is that it, Ryan? | |
| That's it for the Sleewa. | |
| Okay, we're done with Sleewa. | |
| Yep. | |
| Yep, go ahead. | |
| What do you think, Maddie? | |
| Who are you voting for? | |
| Slewa. | |
| I think he, because everyone knows his history on crime, and crime in New York right now is just so out of control. | |
| But aren't you a criminal? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I used to be. | |
| I used to be, but I am now, too. | |
| Wait, what does Mitch Hepburg say? | |
| I used to be. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| No, Mitch Hepburg goes, I used to do drugs. | |
| I still do, but I also used to do them. | |
| So wait a minute. | |
| Now that you're not a criminal, you want us to crack down on crime? | |
| Well, I mean, I mean, I'm not for one, like, people are mugging people and, you know, agent bashing all that. | |
| Like, violent crime is not good for you. | |
| You were never a violent crime. | |
| You were a meth and pill dealer. | |
| Yeah, I have a few fights and assault and gun crime. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| So we don't crack down on those? | |
| No, they should make all drugs legal. | |
| Okay, what about violent assault? | |
| Didn't you beat up a cop? | |
| More than one, yeah. | |
| You know, and I. Should we crack down on that? | |
| I think we should crack down on that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's not, I was frowned upon. | |
| Well, the beauty of when that, I don't know which time we're talking about, but the beauty of the old days was you beat up a cop, they took you to the police station, they handcuffed you to a chair. | |
| Yeah, and about six, eight guys walked in at different times and just beat the fuck out of me. | |
| But hey, that was. | |
| Major bed. | |
| I've heard you say in the past that, oh, well, that was fair. | |
| I beat up a cop, cops beat up me. | |
| Exactly. | |
| No need for paperwork. | |
| No. | |
| See, this is my goal in modern America. | |
| Let's get rid of paperwork. | |
| Let's get rid of calling the cops. | |
| And at the end of the day, they didn't. | |
| Even though they had to, it was a bar fight, and we were fighting in the doorway of the bar, and a cop hit me with an ice stick, and I turned around and just hit him. | |
| Like, I just teet off on him. | |
| And they got me for they didn't charge me with assault that time. | |
| I've been charged with assault on an officer, but I was charged with obstructing governmental administration. | |
| I was preventing the police officer from doing his duties. | |
| Oh, I see. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That's technically. | |
| I'm friends with the cop now. | |
| The cop who we got into the mic. | |
| Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I know, you know. | |
| I still see him to this day. | |
| Is he still a cop? | |
| No, no, he's retired. | |
| Because I was invited to a Mets game with a bunch of cops from your old neighborhood. | |
| And I said, they go, do you know any other Mets fan? | |
| I go, yeah, I know one. | |
| Maddie O'Dell? | |
| That went over like a farting jerk. | |
| And they were like, yeah, no. | |
| Nah. | |
| Well, did you ever. | |
| Oh, Jim Gold is on the show. | |
| Hey. | |
| Hey, you doing, guys? | |
| Hey, how you doing, Jim? | |
| Fantastic. | |
| I was charged with trying to beat up two cops. | |
| I don't remember if I did or not. | |
| It was the last time I ever got drunk. | |
| Wow, that is fucking Jim Goad to a T. | |
| Yeah, with hair, finally. | |
| When was that? | |
| Was that before you went to prison? | |
| This was April 1982. | |
| I was still going to community college. | |
| It was a nice spring day. | |
| You know, I hate cold weather, so we decided to skip class. | |
| Me and my friend Warren, we drank a whole bottle of tequila that had a red sombrero that you screw off. | |
| Oh, yeah, I remember those. | |
| Chased that off with a whole bottle of Coal 45. | |
| I don't remember anything. | |
| I woke up in jail with my face all fucked up and charges for assaulting two cops. | |
| I'm like, well, it's time to quit drinking. | |
| That was the last time I ever drank. | |
| Like, next April will be 40 years since I've had a sip. | |
| Oh, wow. | |
| So what are you, like 55? | |
| 60. | |
| You're 60 years old. | |
| I just turned 60 in June, yes. | |
| Wow. | |
| But I had an encounter with the police last night, actually. | |
| I was telling you about that. | |
| What happened there? | |
| Me and the woman went up to Mountain Town. | |
| What just happened with your nose? | |
| Get an extra appendage. | |
| Something weird happened with your nose. | |
| There we go. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| How do you do that, Ryan? | |
| Yeah, we rented a hot tub room up in the mountains, like two hours away from here. | |
| And the hot tub still wasn't hot after four hours. | |
| And I called the cleaning woman in. | |
| I'm like, it's still not hot. | |
| She's like, yes, it is. | |
| I'm like, it's 96 degrees. | |
| This is four hours. | |
| And she's like, it's hot. | |
| I'm like, it's not hot. | |
| I'm like, you're a liar. | |
| And she got pissed off, went down to the front desk. | |
| Another fat mountain woman was there. | |
| And I'm like, you know, she's like, he called me a liar. | |
| I'm like, well, either you're lying or you're dumb. | |
| She's like, well, you just insulted me. | |
| And I guess with these mountain folks, that's like being disrespected if you're black. | |
| Oh, right. | |
| Yeah. | |
| They called the cops. | |
| I got the whole thing. | |
| I might even put it on the next hardball. | |
| It's like, because I'm a felon, I might as well have a camera attached to my head. | |
| Because then the woman said she felt threatened by me. | |
| My wife, who's like 4'11, she's there. | |
| She saw the whole thing. | |
| They called the cops. | |
| The cops came and talked to me. | |
| I'm like, look, like, it's the crime. | |
| You can call someone a liar. | |
| It's not illegal. | |
| Yeah, or dumb. | |
| I said, either, I mean, give me the third possibility. | |
| You're lying because you know it's supposed to be hot and it's not hot. | |
| You're dumb. | |
| You don't know what's tell me the third thing. | |
| So she calls the cops. | |
| She's like, well, yeah, he's ball-headed. | |
| I'm like, okay, you're fat. | |
| And he's insulting me. | |
| And then the other woman said, you know, you're a narcissist. | |
| I work with mental health and you can't ever admit you're wrong. | |
| I'm like, you can't admit you're wrong about the hot tub. | |
| It's supposed to be, it's not just a tub. | |
| It's a hot tub and it's not hot. | |
| I was like, you know, I go up there to soak my 60-year-old bones. | |
| I don't get much time off. | |
| And I wanted the hot tub, not just a tub. | |
| And we had to just peel out of this fucking little mountain town like at midnight last night and drive two hours on. | |
| I got to say, Ryan does a lot of imitations. | |
| This is the most accurate one I've ever seen. | |
| This is uncanny. | |
| This is almost exactly like he's talking through his body. | |
| It's disturbing. | |
| Yeah. | |
| When did, okay, Jim Goad, if you're so Jim Goad, when did you go to prison for how long and what for? | |
| I went to prison. | |
| Well, started in jail, spent nine months in county jail. | |
| It was May 27th or 28th, 1998. | |
| I got out. | |
| I got out. | |
| Fuck. | |
| Let's see. | |
| Day after tomorrow will be 21 years ago. | |
| It was right when Bush and Gore, the whole election thing where they took a couple months to decide who got elected. | |
| That's when I got out. | |
| For hitting a chick back. | |
| I did a whole episode on hardballs in this. | |
| I wrote like 400 pages in shit magnet about it. | |
| If you want to hear this chick threatening to cut my head off, chop my nipples off, you know, blow my head to smithereens, jimgo.net/slash sound/slash an a-n-n-e dot mp3. | |
| Had a restraining order against her, lost my temper for 10 minutes. | |
| And first offense, first conviction, two and a half years. | |
| And I probably would have done 25 years because I was notorious, but she did stupid stuff like call up my friend and say she was jerking off to the fact that my wife was dying of cancer. | |
| We got it all on tape, gave it to the DA. | |
| He got scared, offered me a plea. | |
| I took it. | |
| Okay, okay, Ryan. | |
| You've done your research here. | |
| That's pretty impressive. | |
| I got one for you. | |
| What was the fourth issue of Answer Me about? | |
| That was the notorious rap issue. | |
| We interviewed a lot of rappers. | |
| Okay. | |
| Good, good. | |
| Now, who was the most, you used the word notorious just then. | |
| Who was the most notorious bad man who contacted you and said that that issue went a little too far? | |
| That would have been Richard the Nightstalker Ramirez, who was another, he was a known rapper, and he skullfucked a grandma after killing her, but thought that Answer Me No. 4 went too far. | |
| That's an actual story. | |
| I used to correspond with the Nightstalker. | |
| He thought Answer Me was brilliant, but the fourth issue he said, he told somebody he just stopped, he ghosted me. | |
| I was ghosted by the Nightstalker, and he said he asked, he told another friend pale. | |
| He's like, don't you think that issue went a little too far? | |
| That and Bobby Bozole from the Manson family in prison. | |
| I met him. | |
| He had a whole sound studio in there. | |
| They had him hooked up. | |
| Like, I guess they have educational programs. | |
| So he was a killer from the Manson family, but he told mutual friend Michael Moynihan, who wrote a book, Lords of Chaos, about Norwegian death. | |
| And I was like, that guy seems a little paranoid. | |
| So being like, having a member of the Manson family who say you're paranoid, that's another badger. | |
| Wait, you're friends with Michael Moynihan? | |
| Different Michael Moynihan. | |
| This was a guy who wrote a book for Feral House. | |
| But remember, they had all those Norwegian church burnings and murders in Norway. | |
| Yeah, killing each other for not being heavy metal enough. | |
| There was that. | |
| What was his name? | |
| He killed someone because they wore a white sweater. | |
| There was a guy, he called himself Faust. | |
| He was in a band called Emperor. | |
| He stabbed a gay guy to death for coming onto him in a park. | |
| He sent me the scariest letter I ever got. | |
| It's like the night there was a chill in the air that night. | |
| And I was walking to, he just, this description of stabbing a humo to death for coming onto him. | |
| There was the other guy who Stabbed a fellow metal dude because he didn't like his shirt, and then he ripped his head off, and then he took the shattered skull parts and made a necklace after eating his brains. | |
| That's pretty hard. | |
| I don't know about that case. | |
| That's pretty hard, though. | |
| All right, Ryan, you did a good job, I got to admit. | |
| That is the most convincing Jim Goat I've ever seen. | |
| Thanks. | |
| No problem. | |
| I mean, yeah, I've been working on it a lot. | |
| It's perfect, dude. | |
| Thanks, man. | |
| That's your best invitation. | |
| You're fucking spent though. | |
| You're tired? | |
| Yeah, my throat. | |
| Oh, that makes sense. | |
| I've heard that with like people who do seances and stuff, and they talk to the other side. | |
| When they're done, they're done. | |
| It's almost like he's a physical medium. | |
| He channeled Jim Goad right through him. | |
| Yeah, and Jim Goat's not. | |
| He's not dead. | |
| No. | |
| Not even close. | |
| don't need to be dead. | |
| As long as I get some of their essence, what I'll do is I'll get Jim go jizzed on you? | |
| No. | |
| No, but here's the thing. | |
| You can get a, the easiest part is get a piece of hair, but obviously, if you look at Jim, not too much hair. | |
| Well, he's got pubes. | |
| He does a pube. | |
| No? | |
| Well, depends when you catch him. | |
| I got unlucky, but he was very nice. | |
| He sent me a bunch of cigars to congratulate me on having a child, and I guess he handled them himself. | |
| So I took a swab and I brought that to my Juju Mon. | |
| You have a Jujuman. | |
| I have a Jujuman. | |
| I'm Haitian. | |
| We have the same Jujuman, I think. | |
| Anyway, but. | |
| Ingate umbata? | |
| Mbate ungoto. | |
| That's his son. | |
| Oh, I'm sorry. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Bad juju. | |
| Bubbandhanks.com. | |
| Last sponsor before we go behind the paywall, bubbandhanks.com. | |
| Bubba's going through some rocky times. | |
| So why don't you support him by buying his Wagyu? | |
| He's got some cancer. | |
| And I don't know, man. | |
| He's a great guy, close friend of the show. | |
| It's hard to see him going through this, but the company's still going. | |
| We still got Hanks. | |
| And it is the most high-quality beef. | |
| Maddie's got a ton of it. | |
| Maddie's tried out, I think, everything they have to offer. | |
| The Wagyu. | |
| Almost everything in that picture behind you. | |
| The hamburgers. | |
| Did you make the hamburgers? | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| My kids inhaled those. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Well, you get the pre-made ones, and then you get packages of like chopped meat. | |
| So I mean, meatloaf and stuff, the other stuff. | |
| We did the pre-made ones. | |
| Yayo was eating actually the last two pieces we had in the freezer tonight. | |
| Oh, really? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Who's we? | |
| Yayo. | |
| Oh, Yayo came out from his room for once. | |
| Yeah. | |
| He says, hey, because I took him out and defrosted him yesterday. | |
| He goes, you going to the show? | |
| I go, yeah. | |
| He goes, can I cook that? | |
| I said, go for it. | |
| What do you mean? | |
| Go for it. | |
| Maddie has a weird Peruvian roommate. | |
| Peruvian, yeah. | |
| Who's named after cocaine? | |
| He gets real mad, though, when you call him Yayo, which means cocaine. | |
| Yayo, yayo. | |
| Sorry, dude. | |
| You're one syllable off of cocaine. | |
| And they both thoroughly enjoyed it. | |
| So go to bubbandhanks.com. | |
| Use my promo code Gavin 15% off. | |
| Bubba's a fantastic guy. | |
| Bubb and Hanks, a fantastic company. | |
| And it really is the highest quality beef. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I thought New York was kind of well known for beef. | |
| We got Keene's Steakhouse. | |
| We got Peter Luger's. | |
| But when I ordered this stuff, when I got it freeze-dried in this dirofoam container and I put it on it, thawed it out, cooked it up on the barbecue. | |
| Holy moly was it delicious. | |
| Unbelievable. | |
| He said, holy cow. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Holy cow. | |
| Totally true. | |
| I didn't want to use a bad word because I don't want you to associate that with it because it was so good. | |
| It's one of those steaks where, like, you know, you go to Keene Steakhouse and you're on the train going back home and you're thinking about it like you made out with Eva Mendez or something. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's that kind of a vibe. | |
| Like you think about it for a long time afterwards. | |
| That is how high quality Bubba and Hanks is. | |
| All right. | |
| That's enough. | |
| Catering to the freeloaders. | |
| We're going to read some viewer mail, take some calls, talk to Maddie about his sex life. | |
| And for you folks at home who haven't signed up to censored TV, I don't know what you're waiting for. | |
| $10 a month, unlimited entertainment, much more than you could possibly watch. | |
| I am one of 15 shows on censored.tv, but I still give you one to two hours every day, but the weekends, and the weekends are jam-packed with everyone else. | |
| So stop wasting your time. | |
| Censored.tv is a wee bit of sanity in a wood old gone mad. | |
| It is a rational, normal, unbiased take on the news that's informed and objective. | |
| And that has become a radical way to see the world. | |
| Anyway, you don't deserve all this quality, so fuck you. | |
| Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting. | |
| You were like you found this was a dream. | |
| I'm making it into the sea. |