Before we start the show, let's make sure the ghetto blaster matches up perfectly with the intro starting now.
I don't mind.
We don't go to that shot, though.
We go to the three shot right after the intro.
Oh, that's the tricky.
So the ghetto blasters don't match up anymore.
They never get a chance to even meet.
Because we go from this to this.
Okay, that's the end of that.
So that's It's All Right by The Rockin' Vickers.
And they weren't a very popular band.
They did okay.
Oh, I'm echoing there.
But Lemmy, that was Lemmy's first band.
Early 60s.
The weird thing about that song is I go, oh, holy shit.
The Who ripped off this song from the Rockin' Vickers.
This is 63.
The Kids Are Alright didn't come out until 65, 66.
But then you look at the liner notes and it says Pete Townsend wrote this, but it's a different song.
And it's different lyrics.
You can really hear what Keith Moon does to the Who when you compare someone else doing this, a similar song.
His little jazz fills.
I guess we weren't really big on showmanship in the 60s.
We're going to have an all-garage week.
I've been listening to Underground Garage on Sirius.
The only time I heard a bad song this entire weekend, I look at the fucking readout and it says Little Steven.
And he's the guy who runs the thing.
Sal.
Sal runs Underground Garage.
But yeah, I guess what happened was Pete Townsend wrote the song, It's All Right.
And then he heard The Rock and Vickers do it and he went, meh, I want to change it up a little bit.
And the kids are all right is like an updated version of what he did to the, gave to the Rockin' Vickers.
So the shirts are in.
It says these are hastily created prototypes.
The beefies are coming.
These are not beefy tees.
We prefer beefy tees at censored.tv.
Of course, there's supply chain issues thanks to Pete buttfuck gig.
But you should be getting them.
So these are the only two Let's Go Brandons that are spelled wrong without the apostrophe in let's.
Can you change the background?
I don't like that it matches my shirt.
So these are valuable.
This is a large.
Can you wear larges?
I guess you could wear it as like a sleep shirt.
No, no, no.
Larges fit like a medium now.
I wouldn't do that.
You could wear it as a sleep shirt, right?
Like when you go to bed?
No.
If that hits buttons, it could be bad.
Oh, shut up.
Until it hits buttons.
So we got the let's go Brandon's.
I think I might just add an apostrophe like with a pen.
Do you dare me to do that right now?
You could.
No, no, no.
Then I'm desecrating this valuable artist.
That's true.
That's true.
That's one of my flaws, by the way.
I have very few.
But one of my flaws is a total lack of patience, which is why I make such a terrible craftsman.
I made some furniture, you know.
You should see it.
It sucks.
And it always, like if I make a table, I made a table for our place upstate.
The legs were four by fours.
It was infinity pounds.
Like it was made of, what do you call these?
12 by threes, 12 by twos?
That was the main part.
It was a King Henry VIII Viking table.
I can't do anything good.
It sounds like what you made blows.
Yes, bload.
Bload.
Bload.
By the way, someone was asking about the art auction, which now, is that linked on the site yet?
See, go to links.
And they were saying, what size are these?
Well, here they are.
I have them on me.
This is my incredible drawing called Fatherless Child.
Fatherless Daughter.
Oh, you have Doodles for Charity.
Bam.
And then this is the painting that John did of your one and only G-Dog.
He's also got a lot of, I guess these are pastels because it's got a piece of acetate on it.
Yeah.
So he goes from pastels to colored pencils.
Again, even if you hate Proud Boys, wouldn't you want this?
When I was a kid, and by kid I mean early 20s, late teens, people would collect John Wayne Gacy art.
And they'd have like a John Wayne Gacy painting in their living room, which is pretty fucked up.
So yeah, get a piece of Proud Boy art.
And all the proceeds go there.
And plus, you also have John, assuming you're on his side, which you are if you're watching this show, you have John knowing that he's paying, he's raising money for his family.
And that's what makes a man feel like a man.
Being employed.
I'm going to meet Atheism is Unstoppable tonight.
Cool.
I begged him to come into the studio and do an interview.
He said, No, I prefer my anonymity.
But you can look him up if you look him up.
You can see who he is pretty easy.
And I go, well, kangaroo your face.
That's funny.
And he's like, nah, nah, I do it.
To which I went, you're mean.
I was at the bar the other day for a change.
Oh my God, you know what Joe Tonelli said?
There's these new guys there.
And they were yuppies, divorced yuppies.
They were their girlfriends.
Their girlfriends left early.
So if you're divorced, you fucked up.
I'm sorry.
Half of my friends are divorced.
And I think they would freely admit that they fucked up.
So to be telling the rest of us how to live our lives, hmm, it's like comedians, single and childless comedians telling us what we're doing wrong and how society should be.
We don't want to hear it.
So this guy was sitting there and he goes, oh, your daughter goes to this school?
Yeah, my daughter goes there too.
And my son goes to this other school, the middle school.
And I go, yeah, it sucks.
We moved up here to save money on private school because public school in New York is shocking.
It's run by Puerto Ricans like Ryan.
In your Puerto Rican community, are you known as a genius?
I don't know if there's much of a community.
That's one of the more racist things I've ever said on the show.
I don't know if there's much of a community, but yeah, I'm pretty smart.
I mean, I'm not going to.
They go from a small fish at a big pond to a big fish in a small pond.
I think it's not smart.
It's that I know things that they don't because they stay in like the, they get their news from like Channel 7.
Right, yeah.
It's like when I go to Glasgow and I'm tall and breathtakingly gorgeous.
That's you in the hood.
But anyway, he says, no, it's a really good school.
They have a new principal now, and he's African American.
You know, when someone says the fucking words, African-American, they don't know any black people, and they're freaked out by black people, but they love black people.
It's almost like they see them as uranium.
Like very powerful, very wonderful.
Lots of energy there, but very dangerous.
Don't go near it.
I actually don't know.
Can you go near uranium?
I think you get irradiated, and I think it's a bad idea.
Or volcanoes.
People that love it.
I think you get irradiated, and I think it's a bad idea.
I think you get irradiated, but it's good radiation.
Well, there's some good radiation, but that's not it.
So I'm already annoyed, and he says, he did a speech.
He did a fantastic speech.
Fuck a speech.
Suck my dick, a speech.
I want choice in school, and I want my children to know about history, particularly the founding fathers.
And he goes, he had the speech, and Nelson Mandela was there, and Obama, he brought in Obama, and I'm like, what, he dragged Nelson Mandela out of his grave and brought his withered bones?
And he goes, no, no, he incorporated him in the speech.
I was like, oh, good.
Nelson Mandela, the man who murdered 300 people in various ANC terrorist bombings.
And then his wife Winnie took it over and necklacing all the stool pigeons who dared report on her fucking domestic terror.
Yeah, let's talk about Nelson Mandela, especially now that South Africa is in a civil war.
Let's start murdering white farmers, shall we?
And Barack Obama, what a stalwart of faith and character he is with Fast and Furious, sending guns to Mexico so people can kill each other and guns will get a bad name.
The man who made America racist again.
We were over race before Obama.
There's all kinds of charts that show like whiteness and white privilege as far as how much they're mentioned.
And it's just trickling along.
And then in 08, it starts going through the fucking roof.
So no, I'm not impressed.
But as those guys were talking, I don't know, I guess it was getting a little tense between me and them.
And the bartender, Joe Tonelli, said, hey, don't worry about it, guys.
You got law enforcement behind the bar.
It was such a dumb lie that me and this other guy, James, both went.
Like, he just got done with his retarded lie about FedEx, where he can't go in to, he can't start at work, even though he lied and said he did start at work.
He can't start at work because he lost his social security card.
I go, Joe, I lose that thing like my virginity on a daily basis.
I've been to the place where you get it twice now.
You just have to get there before 8, and the lineup takes like fucking 20 minutes.
You fucking loser.
That's no excuse.
Anyway, law enforcement.
His lies are so dumb.
So many cooler lies you could do.
I lived in Singapore.
I was a pro soccer player in Singapore.
It doesn't say that.
You're a liar.
He was a pro-soccer player.
Not a pro, but he was as good.
Your dad?
Well, he never played professionally, but I meant he was that skilled.
Because in the projects in Glasgow, it's a square and the kids are in the center.
There's a soccer game going from about 6 a.m. till about 10 p.m.
You just go on the losing side.
So that's all he did.
All the kids did.
For years and years and years.
Anyway, sorry.
Should we start the show?
Yes.
Starting the show.
Listen to old people.
I will just say one more thing about the bar.
I think I may have mentioned this the other day.
There was these cool guys at the end, but the way the seating went, the only available chair was next to some guy who must have been 90 years old.
There's this other dude, Freddie, who's probably 92.
And you're like, man, they don't get as many jokes.
They're not as good at riffing old people.
And then I stop and listen to him.
And he's talking about the 50s and, you know, when rock and roll first came out and when the trains, you know, went on strike and all this shit I didn't know about.
And I thought, these People are at this age, they're about to die, but they're not, they don't have dementia yet or senility, they're not at a hospice.
And just like a tree under duress, when trees are stressed, when they know they have a disease, they start dropping seeds like crazy, extra seeds, because they know this is it, I gotta, I got one last spurt.
And I think a lot of old-timers, early 70s, they sense that this isn't gonna last and they want to get it out.
They want to impart this wisdom.
And we're all looking at them and going, hey, I don't care what it was like in New York City in 1948.
That's boring.
No, it's not.
It's fascinating.
Talk to old people.
That's not the theme of today's show.
The theme of today's show is to out Karen the Karens.
But talk to old people.
For example, some dude with a camera just came up to some rich old dude and said, well, you'll see what he said.
He seems kind of gay, this guy.
What did the software do exactly?
You ever go to the doctor?
Yeah.
Ever go to the hospital?
Of course.
You ever go to the lab?
No.
I was doing this all day.
I watched this in bed with my wife there, and I was like, you ever step on a corncob?
You ever pick the paint off the wall?
You ever see a cockroach flipped upside down and you help them out?
Well, never you pay your bill with a credit card.
I get a couple pennies off of it in the whole United States.
How come?
Because I own the patent.
The patent for what exactly?
The process.
The process to pay.
It was pennies.
It was pennies, but volume.
The whole United States everybody paid them something with the medical bill.
One more question.
What did you learn about people that's so surprising?
About people?
Yes.
This is it.
You figure out who you can scratch and take them with you all the way.
You make life good for them.
They make life good for you.
It's about the people.
It's all about the people.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
That's a good idea, guys.
So fucking true.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah, when I would be interviewing people for a job, I would always think, can I handle this person 40 hours a week?
A lot of the people you hire or you work with, you're going to see them more than your wife.
So they have to be likable.
The actual job, well, that can be trained.
That's not, that's, that's an acquired taste.
It's not important.
So their skill level, their resume, I mean, people pretend to pay attention to that.
They're really looking at the person and their personality and do I want this guy around 40 hours a week for the rest of my life?
You know, Shizmabin deletes all the comments.
So I couldn't get it on the actual page that you linked, but Shizmabin had this there.
And he's got one comment because he keeps deleting.
Wait, that does say Shizmabin.
Yeah.
No, but you linked me to this other guy that I don't follow yet.
But anyway, so he doesn't, there's got one comment there because he deletes all of our, you know, the bird which is the bald eagle shit.
But I was thinking, like, what do his audience is black mostly?
And then us.
Like, what do they see when they see this guy?
Like, they're just like, this is the whitest thing they've ever seen, I'm sure.
And, like, would this be the equivalent of, like, a black guy rolling up and, I don't know, like a Toyota Tercel?
And he's like, I think they feel total and utter confusion, and they assume it's some sort of stealing.
Like in Superman 3, where they took the shavings of pennies, fractions of a penny off each transaction.
But what's that?
La Shoes 1.
He's lying.
The process came out many years ago before that guy was born.
Let's click on her.
I feel like it's a black woman.
It's like a man, but I don't know.
These days.
Is it a rapper?
Yeah, yeah.
Paranoid.
Yeah, yeah.
Betty Briden.
He is paranoid.
You think that guy's lying?
Turn your gun to bitch monkey when you ask questions.
What you say?
He touched the world.
So this is a bleep.
Probably makes his own beats.
That's why it sucks.
You know, personally, I like rap.
I think rap is good, but this guy definitely sucks.
And he's a bleep.
Yeah, so pay attention to oldies.
Here's another little fun teaser before we get into the meat of the show, which is we got to do My Pet Biden first because he said something about Shoeshine Stance that I'm obsessed with.
Is it possible that LeBron James is hilarious?
That's the guy who's always reading the first page of a book.
Yeah, he's the guy who's got a school out for black kids that he built himself for a billion, zillion dollars.
And it's like, dude, you can't even read.
He's always photographed with books, but he's always got the page.
Where's my Death the Cool book?
It's always like upside down.
Yeah, or it's always on page one.
100% of the time.
He's always just started a book.
My man Kaepernick got blacklisted because he told the truth.
Cap was right.
So what are the...
No, it's not possible that LeBron James is that funny, right?
Thanks, bro.
I think that's a little dicky.
But I still appreciate it.
Oh, my God, this cringe movie.
Have we talked about this movie coming out?
No.
Did we talk about it already?
I don't think so.
It's ancient Chinese secret by now.
But where is it now?
I don't think I have it in my notes.
Yeah, I don't.
What can I search?
Yeah, look it up.
It's the Colin Kaepernick documentary.
Let's be clear here about Colin Kaepernick.
He's not black.
He's white.
Biologically, he comes from probably a junky black woman and a, I don't know, Hispanic guy.
She couldn't handle him.
So these marginalized communities, these people of color, threw him away.
I don't want him.
He's garbage.
White people came along, picked him up, dusted him off, gave him a life.
He grew up in an all-white neighborhood, had an all-white lifestyle.
White did he, white, white, white.
So they do a documentary about him where they inject racism where there Was none.
You know, we've all met the one black guy at the White High School, and the guy's poor dick looks like Freddy's face because it's been sucked and jerked and fucked so much.
All they do is get pussy.
Everyone wants them as a friend.
Everyone wants them as a boyfriend.
Everyone wants them around.
In fact, white people radicalize a lot of minorities.
Like I know Indians who were just normal Indians.
And when I say Indians, I mean feather knot dot.
But then they get to college and they're like, hi, hello.
I'm ready here to take, I'm hoping to take chemistry, maybe make some money.
And they go, could you be like an American Indian movement guy and grow long braids and have a headband and like say that white people ruined everything?
If you do that, you can come to the party.
Like, okay, I'll become a militant dickhead.
Especially mulatto girls.
They start hanging around white people.
They feel this intense pressure to be Angela Davis and grow a giant afro and sit in wicker chairs.
So they do.
That wicker chair.
So in a way, it's kind of blackfacing.
In a way, Colin Kaepernick is kind of in blackface.
He's kind of a wigger.
I would get that a lot with people like samurais and anime.
They'd be like, dude, you got to get into it, dude.
Your culture.
I'm like, my culture?
What the fuck are you talking about?
That's a whole other subject, by the way, I wanted to get into.
I've been watching the dumb things that Instagram gives you from TikTok.
Those little algorithms that you get.
And it's not my universe.
And I'm deeply disturbed by the infantilization and sexualization of young girls.
So they'll have some pretty girl, like that famous one who's the number one TikToker.
I think her number one TikTok is just her going, bouncing to some song.
But there's this, they all have the same demeanor.
They have this like, ooh, eee, ooh, do, doot, doot, doo, oo de, dooti.
Yeah, her name's Bella something.
It's all this type of stuff.
Yeah, she's one of these.
Is that her there with the...
No.
That's her on the right, I think?
No, no.
She's number one in TikTok.
She's half Filipino.
She did the interview with HVH.
We've seen her before, yeah.
But she's always, I mean, she's got tons of tattoos, which I don't like tattoos on women, but in this case, I do, because at least it makes her more adult.
But in every video, and there's all this, there's this other Asian chick with blonde hair who's always like, Like, they don't even act.
They act like cartoons.
I guess they're acting like anime cartoons.
But the actual behavior is sort of the way a five-year-old would act.
Not an eight-year-old, not a nine-year-old.
They don't act like that.
Nine-year-olds want to be cool.
They're all like, hey, what's up?
I can Ollie.
And then you ask to see, and it's, they do Ollie, but it's maybe a centimeter.
So, yeah, her.
Bella Porch.
Bella Porch.
So they all act like her.
Since I prefer to be tormented, be in the school, then go through something awful at home.
Bella said.
Bella attempted to contact any individual who might pay attention to her son for help.
There was one time when she went to class with an enlarged, draining right hand.
Her instructor didn't try to ask how she got the introduction.
This sounds like a German who learned English from a black woman.
Like she did really well over.
Anyways, that's not what I'm talking about.
But if you look at, I don't know, if you pull up any kind of Instagram moments, and then the other worst thing, too, is you look at it and you go, this is disturbing.
And now you clicked on it.
Now they start sending you more and more.
I can't go near my Instagram TikTok shit because it's all 19-year-old girls going, ooh, boochie, woo, woo, ho, mm, hee.
You should start TikTok with that shit.
I mean, that's fucking accurate.
What?
I'm a 51-year-old little silly puppy.
This was going around.15.
Yeah, that's weird, too.
It's like I'm coming so hard, I'm cross-eyed.
It's Japanese.
But then they combine that with other little kiddie stuff.
So I'm coming.
I'm a little kid.
I'm coming.
I'm a little kid.
Oh, yeah, let's get back to Colin.
Since the day I was born, he was troubled.
He was disowned on his mother's side.
We tried in vain, but he never caused nothing but shit.
Look at him.
That's ridiculous.
White people did this to me.
You are a minstrel.
Your white friends wanted you to become this guy.
What are they keeping showing his black friend in his documentary?
There he is.
Oh, shit.
Colin already got his game face on.
Yep, by the way, I call bullshit on those cornrows.
I think you got your first cornrows like three years ago.
Oh, look at this.
There has to be the restaurant scene, right?
Where they're like, we got a Negro in here?
Fuck, you got a ton of natural tone, okay?
Johnson, he's the product I've been looking for.
Growing up with white parents, I assumed their privilege was mine.
You too good?
Fine, thanks.
What?
Bull shit.
Bull shit.
Isn't that my staple guy from Office Space?
No, that's fucking...
That's Nick Offerman.
Nick Offerman.
That's the guy.
The mustache guy.
Yeah.
I was in for a rude awakening.
Jesus.
I was in for a rude awakening.
Something like that.
You saw a sticker once?
What a rough childhood that must have been.
Imagine you were a kid and you saw a sticker.
Holy shit.
I was going to start projectile vomiting with fear.
Was it a Pee-Wee's Playhouse sticker where it grew mouth and eyes and they called you the word of the day?
The word of the day is black like the night.
This song is a bit of a nice.
the queen of rewriting history.
This is the woman who put sweater vests on the Central Park 5 and made them guys on their way to their violin lesson who were framed.
Dudes, we taxpayers have paid so many millions upon millions to those guys for raping a woman.
I'm going to say to death.
They should be charged with murder because for all intents and purposes, they murdered her.
The police were investigating it as a murder.
They saw the blood and they went, well, there's no way she's alive.
She came back from the grave.
I think they got the ages a little wrong.
It was sweet up there.
Look at the middle guy.
Hi, I was just going up by Fred's house.
What a fucking joke.
Wait, I don't get these pictures.
What's the first row?
First row, I guess, is them when they're older.
So I guess that would be the same as the bottom.
Somebody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Little kids.
Little kids.
He's in the middle.
Look, I'm just a sweet boy.
The guy from Kidd and Play.
I think the prosecutor sued Ava Duvernay for this movie.
Wow.
Because everyone was...
I'm going to say rightfully, everyone was pissed off after that movie and said, what, you coerced a bunch of little kids into confessing to a murder?
She goes, no, you watched fiction.
And then they start boycotting her, boycotting her book, threatening her life.
Ava Duvernay.
Yep.
Black privilege is what that is.
Ex-prosecutor in Central Park 5 case sues Netflix and Avrid Duvernay over when they see us.
When they see us.
You're just going to have to prove them wrong.
Why am I always the one that has to prove them wrong?
We don't want you to be the coolest guy in school.
I didn't feel uncomfortable.
I couldn't rebel because I didn't know how.
But now?
It's all I got.
Rebellion.
Is there a subtext here that they didn't draft him because he's black?
Has anyone seen the fucking NFL ever?
Unbelievable.
I don't know anything about baseball.
Maybe there was a time, like in the 40s.
Was there a time where you avoided drafting Negroes to football?
It wasn't the 90s.
I'll tell you that much.
I think the Red Sox had their first black player in like the 70s or something?
That sounds right.
That's probably why you lost so long.
These are some highlights from Kaepernick.
He just throws interceptions a lot.
Oh, there's another one.
That's what I heard.
I heard he sucks.
Dude, he more than sucks.
He's giving the ball to the other team a lot.
You're not supposed to do that.
If anybody is not familiar with the rules of football, you're supposed to pass it to your own guys.
He likes helping out the other team.
That should be an easy pass.
He's an absolute fucking loser.
You stink.
Okay, we've got to jump right to Joe Biden because I don't even like calling him Sleepy Joe anymore.
He's a monkey.
He's Coco the gorilla.
He's the smartest monkey in the world.
He's a genius monkey.
And he's learned to speak.
Biden.
Biden.
President.
He's big and though he's a little bit more than a monster.
Sleepy.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
Let's go, Brandon.
We've got the shirts.
All right, I don't know if I should play my favorite clip first.
Yeah, let's do it.
So this one I was in bed with my wife.
She was blowing me as she does every single morning.
She needs it.
She can't get through the day without blowing me.
And if for whatever reason she doesn't manage to do it because there's like a fire, she'll track me down.
Wouldn't that be awesome?
If your wife...
It doesn't say that.
You're a liar.
If your wife was just addicted to blowing you, like she'd be grumpy all day if she couldn't.
That's what I'm talking about.
That would be pretty great.
I wonder if I could.
You know what we should try to develop?
Some sort of addictive cream.
It's just a drop.
It goes on your dick.
It's fine.
You could get addicted to it too, I guess, right?
Who cares?
You're already getting the contact.
So you have to give up.
You have to accept that you're going to be addicted to this ointment.
But it's like a crack ointment.
And you put it on your dick.
Now you're addicted to it.
You're addicted to what the dick did.
You're addicted to your own dick.
But then she needs it.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
Well, there was a lot of studies that said jizz is good for your skin.
I remember ingesting it.
That didn't work.
I remember there was like a month period where like that was a thing.
Why don't we just, we have all this climate bullshit where they say the world's going to be underwater in three years.
There's obviously scientists who are on the take.
Let's pay scientists to do a study that says that ingesting male semen makes you smart.
They don't care about smart.
Thinner.
Thinner, and it makes your hair thicker.
They love that, right?
They want to have thick hair.
They want to have more luxurious hair.
Add some calm to your diet.
A little calm to your soul.
What's this website?
Okay, whatever.
Read Weirder.
I am to blame for some calm to your diet.
I take full responsibility for this, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I added this to the media's Vernacular.
Anyway, okay, so pull him up there.
It's four or five.
So I'm going to just ruin it for you.
Spoiler alert.
He calls children folks in the playground.
There's tall folks, those are called adults.
Then there's the folks in the playground.
Those are children.
And he likes them better than people.
This is exactly the same as poor kids are just as smart as white kids.
They shit themselves?
They need their asses wiped.
They don't know anything.
They're constantly fumbling clueless through life, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Okay, so that's 4-5.
But here's my favorite one.
Number 46.
Shoeshines.
We truly are really good, close friends.
Senator Chris Todd.
Chris and I have known each other for a long time.
But if you'll excuse the point of personal privilege, as we used to say in the Senate.
They love saying that.
I saw up close how he fought for human rights and human dignity in the Senate.
Do you know my measure?
Madam Ambassador, Ambassador Kennedy, you know what my measure is?
People who tell me they care about people and then disrespect a waitress or a waiter.
People who tell me they care about how, in fact, people are entitled to be treated with dignity and walk by someone at a shoeshine stand and suddenly say hello.
People who do not do just simply decent things like ordinary people.
That wasn't the point of that thing.
They want us to look up Chris Dodd Waitress Sandwich.
So before we get to the shoeshine stand, which he calls a Siouxine stand, they go up to a Siouxine stand and they suzen say hello.
He said that.
Did you hear him?
Sousine stand, suzan say hello.
You want to go back?
I'm wearing red wings right now.
And I've had the same pair for many years.
I have had them resold a few times.
The secret to resolding, by the way, is you get these little...
See my bottom right heel?
That's where the soles wear out.
It starts there.
That's the Achilles heel.
It's your heel.
And once you get this little plastic thing nailed on, these soles have lasted me two years now with virtually no wear down.
Anyway, I've been looking for a place to shine them.
There's no shoe shine stands anymore.
They're gone.
Even Grand Central, where it was part of the culture of Grand Central, the businessmen with the newspapers, those are all gone now.
They're empty.
What shoe shine stands are you talking about, Joe?
When did you last...
I saw a shoe shine stand, a Siouxine stand, I think at Chicago Airport five years ago.
Did I ever tell you that story?
I had my shoes shined.
I had plenty of time to kill for a flight.
I'm wandering around.
And I only had a $100 bill.
I've told you this, right?
So I go, can you break $100?
He goes, nah, man.
You got to go there to the next stand.
I don't know why I'm making him a fucking pimp from the 70s.
No, brother, you need to go over to the reception now of Bill Cosby.
And so I go to the little fucking, you know, stationary, whatever thingamajig, the store next door, the novelty gift shop, touristy place.
And I go, can you break 100?
And they go, you have to buy something.
Okay.
What's your cheapest thing?
And they go, a banana.
So fine, I get a banana.
It's like a dollar.
So now I have $99.
I go back to the guy and I have a banana in my hand.
And I go, here you go.
And he goes, thanks.
And I give him a bit of a tip.
And then I go, do you want this?
And he's like, what?
No.
And I realized I tried to pay a black man one banana for shining my shoes.
That's pretty bad.
Is that going to come up at the gates?
St. Peter?
I think they'd understand.
I'd be like, I didn't have change.
Like, we designed them to like bananas.
This is actually in my favor, sir, because it didn't occur to me because I'm not colorblind.
I didn't see it.
Shoeshine stand.
What an absolute fucking retard.
He lives on a different planet.
Folks in the playground, I think he lives...
I think his brain is rotting, but I think he lives in...
I might go up to the 70s if I'm feeling really generous.
Probably more like the rascals era.
Yeah, so.
What's up?
Looking up Chris Dodd.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
He ordered a waitress sandwich.
Okay, I don't get it.
When the meal's coming to an end, two women accompanying the senators repaired to the ladies' room.
A waitress, Carla Gavaginglo, was summoned to the private dining room by the two members of the world's most deliberative body.
In Lightning Strike, Kennedy allegedly picked up Gavaligo and threw her on the table, knocking plates and other items to the floor.
He reportedly lifted her up again and put her on top of Todd, who was seated in a chair.
Kennedy then engaged in an attack that continued until another employee entered the room and joined Gavalingo and screaming causes others to leave the room.
They did a waitress sandwich.
Huh.
So here's what happened to Joe's monkey brain.
He's thinking of Chris Dodd and his brain goes, I think there was a waitress thing with her.
Instead of him going, yeah, what was that?
His brain is just like a little train set.
It's just like, waitress, click it on this thought.
Choo-woo.
And he goes, Chris Dodd's a great guy.
Waitress.
He's the kind of guy that would be nice to a waitress.
Hey, usually the waitress gives you a sandwich.
He gave them a sandwich.
It's like one time back in Vice days when we were still in Montreal.
Shane Smith was on the phone selling.
He's like, oh, it's going to be hot.
They're going to be there.
There's going to be all kinds of people there.
It's going to be really exciting.
It's going to be the hottest show of The year we're going to be there.
A lot of the sponsors are nagging us.
They're saying, We got to get into this issue.
And he was just motor mouth like a wood chipper.
And then I was talking to Saroosh about something else, like Bobo, maybe from Stern.
And I was like, Yeah, well, fucking Bobo was there.
And he, Shane overhears me, and the word gets caught into the wood chipper.
He's like, And there's going to be DJs there.
DJ Bobo's going to be there.
He's going to be going nuts.
He's from Europe.
He's from Germany.
This is exactly what happened with Joe Biden.
Waitress Chris Dodd, he stuck them together the way that bully in Toy Story makes bizarre, sick, twisted, the way Sid makes twisted toys.
He makes twisted sentences and twisted thoughts.
Did you see him in the iPhone store?
Oh, yeah, this is a good one.
That's the guy with the Trump tattoo, right?
Yeah, we interviewed him.
Yeah.
Jason Scoop.
Scoop President of the United States.
The Apple store.
I got hairy legs.
Here look at the phone from particularly African Americans.
LQT TBT.
And that's okay.
If you don't vote for me, you ain't black.
Come on, man.
Pretty good.
Just ignores.
So we have a Secretary of Transportation, and we also have a supply problem.
Not just the containers getting here, but the trucks to move around the products once they get here.
Cupboards are bare.
Check my getter.
The shelves are empty.
And that's a sign of a failing economy.
In fact, we use that regularly to mock Venezuela.
And it looks like we are the ones who should be mocked now because our shelves are bare.
And the entire country is getting fucked in the ass for the past two months.
Where has the Transportation Secretary been?
He's been getting fucked in the ass.
Can you believe the irony?
He took off two months of paternal leave, which is gay.
Like, it's good to have a week.
I think you should take the week off.
I don't know what we'll do about the live show.
You can come in for the live show.
Yeah.
And then we'll bank Monday, Tuesday.
You don't need me.
We don't need you for Wednesday.
Thursday, you can come in and then Friday we'll be banked too.
So you take a week off.
That's nice.
But then after that, it does sleep a lot.
So you're just kind of sitting around a lot.
And she's breastfeeding, right?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So there's not much you can do.
Right.
You can change some diapers.
Big deal.
So two months.
And by the way, Pete, you didn't give birth.
Remember Pete and his husband posed in hospital beds?
Like his husband's holding the baby and they're both in the hospital bed.
You guys, all you did was write some checks, fill out some paperwork.
How is this loser still in our minds in the political discussion?
That's the picture.
Did it come out of your urethra?
Why are you sitting there?
Oh my God.
He's the mayor of a butt-fucked town in Indiana that he, and he did a bad job of that.
And then he was a presidential candidate just because he's gay.
You know why he exists?
I'll tell you why he exists.
He's bait because they were hoping Trump would make a gay joke because they think Trump's retarded.
Now, I will make lots of gay jokes because I am retarded.
But Trump didn't fall for it and he nailed him so beautifully.
He said, you look like Alfred E. Newman.
Who's straight?
Who is straight?
There's nothing risky about saying that.
No, he's just creepy and inept.
Perfect.
Get it away from gayness.
But anyway, so Pete Buttigag has finally pulled the dick out of his ass and come back to work to notice that either it has nothing to do with him and the economy's fucked either way, or the transportation secretary really does have some power.
And he can fuck up the country.
I always tend to the former and assume that they're not good at this and they don't really have any power.
And the best thing they can do is not show up for work.
But who knows?
Maybe the problem could be fixed if he was really competent.
I don't know.
Go back to that Heinz ketchup thing.
So here's a new take.
The reason that we're having a supply problem is because Heinz is too greedy.
Inflation occurs when employers raise prices.
Profit drives their decisions.
But they dare not publicly admit that reason.
Instead, they blame government or rising wages or quote-unquote shortages.
Anything, anyone but themselves.
Don't be fooled.
Big food corporations should stop using monopolistic production and distribution structures that inflate prices and end up withholding bread from the hungry.
Look, as a Catholic, I took a vow to never mock the Pope, but he's sure making it hard.
It's a temptation.
It's a temptation of Christ.
Jesus Christ, is it ever hard to not mock that fucking moron?
Fuck it.
Sorry.
I'm breaking my vows.
Fuck the Pope.
He's an imbecile.
He's ruining this country.
He's shattering Catholicism.
Latin Mass?
We can't do Latin Mass anymore?
What's the problem?
Catholicism is getting too popular with young people?
Fuck this guy.
There, I said it.
I put up a good fight.
I can't do it anymore.
And then this is my favorite one.
Who the fuck is this guy?
It's funny how ignorant Americans never ask folks.
You know, folks is a red flag.
Folks in the playground from the Soviet Union, what they thought about breadlines.
In my experience, there's a lot of nostalgia for the sense of community they fostered.
Bull shit.
I'll pay you $1,000 for any ex-communist country living person.
Czechoslovakia.
Get me Czechoslovakians when Stalin was there.
And let me hear how awesome it was to line up to eat bread.
The bread shortages themselves were no big deal.
Remember Bernie Sanders?
Well, at least they could eat.
You know?
Fuck.
At least Holocaust victims could shower.
Like, I'm toned down.
I was thinking today, you know, they keep talking about the Great Reset.
The Great Reset.
And it makes you think of the Great Leap Forward, does it not?
The Great Leap Forward was the thing where Mao killed 80 million people.
Hitler killed 6 million.
Stalin killed 80 million.
Stalin only killed about 30 or 40 million.
So Hitler is an underachiever as far as global genocide goes.
Mao is the king.
But shouldn't we be looking back in horror?
Like, what's a Nazi term, the Third Reich, the final solution?
What if they called this the Great Solution, the final reset?
People would instantly go, can you not use Hitler metaphors?
But the Great Reset and the Great Leap Forward, they sound the same.
Billy Bragg loves it.
Look at him cheering.
This is literally communist propaganda.
Bizarre.
Bizarre.
Sick and twisted.
Anyway, so go to 4.8.
Oh, wait, no, that's him?
Okay, I guess I don't have it.
Was it 4-7, the catch-up thing you just showed?
Okay, so wait, before you show that, I heard Pete Buttigig say, I couldn't find the link, but he said, these shortages are good.
Guess why?
Well, it shows that the economy's back on track because Biden kicked COVID in the butt.
And now we're all out buying stuff and having fun.
So the shelves are empty because we're all the economy's back going.
People weren't buying stuff before.
So the fact that it's all backed up is great news.
The fact that when I went to buy a toothbrush and the whole toothbrush section was gone, that was because everyone was in there that day buying toothbrushes.
It's just a lie.
That's what they do now.
They just lie.
Fuck, did I wear this jacket recently?
I got to get back to Nita Fashion.
I think so, yeah, because you were talking about the built-in.
Yeah, I'm repeating outfits.
That's not good.
Okay, so this is also really going around.
Now, someone messed with...
Oh, is that it?
Yeah, there we go.
Let me be clear.
There is more throughput than there has ever been.
In other words, we are processing right now as a country record levels of containers and other goods coming into our ports already.
The issue is that there's even more demand than the supply chain can support.
Remember, we are relying on supply chains that were built generations ago.
It's one of the reasons why this entire year we have been talking about and working on infrastructure and are eager to see Congress act to get this infrastructure deal through.
You know, it includes $17 billion for our ports, which is a level of support, federal support for ports that we've never seen before.
Of course, that's a long-term concern.
There are short-term steps that we can take too, like expanding the hours at our biggest ports and working with terminal operators, with truckers to get that flow of goods.
Think about it.
When you see these pictures of those ships waiting at anchor, waiting outside of the ports, that means the ships are already there.
So it's everything after that that we have to...
But they're not even at the port.
They're floating around waiting to get to the port.
It's the containers being backed up.
And that goes through our supply chain, through the rails, through the trucks, again, all the way to the store shelf.
Yeah, that's the issue.
I would love to see what stat he's manipulating there.
Like, we're featuring unprecedented production here.
We've never had this many containers come to the ports.
Maybe he's like, they've never been this backed up, so there's never been like 5,000 containers trying to get in at once.
That's what's new.
And that's because they've been so backed up.
But to just sit there and say, this is because our supply chains are generations old.
Really?
So we just happened to be here the day the base of our boiler rusted out and leaked all over the basement.
Just, maybe that's why he's in our face because he's such a good liar.
It reminds me of my buddy Seth who said, gays are duplicitous.
Remember this story?
I laughed at him.
I go, what are you saying?
Gays lie more?
And he goes, sit down.
Oh, yeah.
And then he goes, you take a gay baby.
And he hands me an invisible gay baby where I died.
That was just, I went screaming off the chair.
And he was dead serious.
He's made me laugh twice with babies.
Because another time I suggested, I'm not sure I would think this was as funny now that I have kids, but back when I was in my late 20s, he worked with Terry Richardson, the photographer.
And I said, what about for a photo shoot, we do newborns in lingerie?
So like one week old, fishnets, high-heeled shoes, tons of makeup, and like a wig with like a corset.
We'll have to have it all made.
And I go, it's funny because it's not sexualizing children.
Like it would be disturbing if it was a young girl.
But this is a newborn.
No one fucks babies.
And he fucking lost it on me.
And he goes, people fuck babies, Davin.
That was too much of indecence.
Okay, I guess.
Anyway, his rationale as I held his invisible gay baby like it was Pete Buttigag's own was that they constantly have to lie about who they are, their whole adolescence.
So their formative years are spent shape-shifting.
And no, that wasn't me.
And no, I wasn't with that boy.
And no, I'm not desiring men.
And no, I don't want to kiss that guy.
And eventually, they get really good at lying.
And maybe Pete is where he is because he's a great liar.
I mean, did he have you going for a second there with those supply chains?
This guy clears it up pretty good.
This is on Grindface.
It's a two-minute video, but...
He knows stuff about trucks.
Navy Way goes like two miles, right?
On a Monday, which is the busiest day of the week, this street should be lined with trucks.
Outside truckers, these guys should be lined for all the way down that street.
But as you can see, there's no outside truckers.
And these guys here, these guys have, these are either empty containers that they're going to drop off in the yard and pick up a full container for the company that they work for.
Then that empty container gets put on the ship.
The ship gets sent to China or wherever it's going.
It gets loaded with crap.
It gets sent back and the cycle continues.
So these guys are bringing in empty containers for companies that still exist.
And they take out an empty container.
They're not bringing up a space for a ship to come over here so that we can add more containers to the yard.
You get what I'm saying?
Now, other guys that don't have containers and they're picking up loads, again, for companies that still exist.
70% of companies aren't around anymore.
Businesses, small businesses, big businesses, they went bankrupt when the fucking lockdowns happened.
And when the lockdowns happened, these businesses bought inventory for 2020.
They lost their businesses.
Their containers are still in the yard.
3.5 million truck driving jobs are open in the United States.
Again, it's Monday morning.
This street should be lined with nighttime truckers.
Somebody said in the comments, well, dude, it's Columbus Day.
I'm like, that's not how that works, you fucking idiot.
You add of your money.
You're a trucker.
I work through rain, sleet, hail, but not MCAT.
Christmas Day, but I got my double C's.
My God.
Christopher Columbus, that's my one day off.
Speaking of truckers, you want to poop your pants?
Yes.
Where is this now?
Don't worry.
It's coming up.
It's in the final videos.
Isn't it?
Hacking the...
Run over twice?
No?
Fuck your fruit stand?
Why?
Oh.
More brainwashing.
What the fuck?
Moving bus?
A little kid getting meeting his dad.
Chicken man, CGI.
Tear jerk when daddy's home.
It's the one, two, three, four, fifth last.
Hold on to your tear ducks, boys.
This one is pretty rough.
Especially when he takes his hat off.
I get a little emotional when your dog recognizes me.
From when we watched them that week.
That scene right there, right before the cut, where you put their head here, you can smell them, and you feel their little nose on your neck.
Oh, my God, it's the greatest.
And I love how the hat was getting in his or her way.
Z's way.
They's way.
Look at that.
Oh, man, it's the best.
That was pretty cool.
With my kids, I would carry them till my back was falling off.
I've heard people like walking four miles, and I'm like, doesn't that suck?
They're like, yeah, you don't even think.
You are going to have to wear a baby Bjorn.
I swore, Belina, you never catch me wearing a baby backpack.
Fuck that, man.
I'll just carry it.
You know, you want your arms.
Yeah.
One time I wore my daughter facing forward and it was in the winter and I had my park on and I zipped it right below her face so she could see.
And all these beautiful women were smiling at me and I forgot that she was there and I was like, maybe I got it still.
No.
I was talking to a fire guy, fire guy, a fireman at the gym today.
And he was telling me about this captain who's 70 years old who was walking down the street and some couple young girls were smiling at him and he used to be a real lady killer back in the 60s and he's like, still got it, man.
Still got it.
And then as he's walking by some reflective glass, he sees himself and goes, whoa!
I can't wait to wear my baby carrier thing.
My wife got me this tactical one that looks all badass.
That's before we knew we're going to have a battle.
But it'll still be pretty cool.
One of these.
He feels like badass.
Yeah, I'm a badass dad.
I carry a baby carrier.
This isn't a baby backpack.
Okay, let's finish Trump.
Now they...
Trump?
Sorry, Biden.
This is 4.8.
So someone messed with his face.
You didn't have to mess with his face, guys.
This was funny enough before your CGI.
We have fewer democracies in the world today than we did 15 years ago.
Fewer.
Not more.
Fewer.
We have fewer democracies in the world today than we did 15 years ago.
Fewer.
That's our own Josh Legash.
Not more, fewer.
Okay.
What's your point?
The world sucks.
Should I be going to make sure there's more democracies in Africa?
Is the Congo my problem?
Have I got to comb through the Middle East trying to fix their stupid messes?
No, thank you.
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, but they'll come here and get us like another 9-11.
Okay, well, we'll deal with that.
I hate the idea of going having to police the world.
We have enough on our plate.
Okay, geez, a lot of stuff.
Lot of stuff.
Speaking of the hypocrisy of the left, some climate insurrectionists stormed the Capitol.
I assume they'll be getting rounded up and thrown in the shoe.
This is 17.
No, 1.6.
I guess they'll have their lives ruined, will they?
Will this be it for them?
Just to water.
This is their big thing to water.
Look at the way he pulls his hair.
His face is so funny.
Oh my god, my beans undeniable.
I feel like when he said too water.
Okay, okay, too intense, too intense.
Some guy farted in there.
One time I farted in a crowd in Scotland, I think it was a Stiff Little Fingers concert, and we were getting in and we were all sort of shoving in, like that kind of a vibe.
And I think I farted but didn't feel it, and it was a brutal fart.
And this younger guy looks up at me.
He's probably like 17.
He goes, did you shit?
He was upset.
Guys, here is a video of Joe Biden taking the shit in his pants.
And I don't like to make fun of him because he's like, he's old.
Okay.
It's not funny anymore.
It's like sad.
Check this out.
And then it's Joe Biden shitting himself.
Here's a disturbing thing.
I think we talked about this last week, but I didn't have the visual ready.
Bill Gates buying up all of these places.
Big land.
There's something fishy going on.
Land owned by Bill Gates.
Thousands of acres in all of these states.
And then I looked at a map of swing states, and it looked the same.
So he's buying up thousands of acres in swing states.
Also, I've heard a lot of farming things, like they're buying farms from people and then stopping the production of it.
Something like that I heard recently, maybe on Timpool or something.
Huh.
Show a map of swing states, purple states, dangerous states, deciding states, pivotal moments in election states.
So we got lots of California, lots of West Coast.
Isn't Florida, is Florida reliably red?
Let me see Florida.
No, no, in the swing states.
That's kind of a light pink.
You get all those fucking New York Jews who go down for the winter.
Back in the New York Jews.
Jam, Jam.
Here's some ancient news.
I mean, I should almost not cover it, but I didn't get to it last week.
RGB, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, RBG, red, blue, green.
There we go.
Little blendy.
Something weird's going on, boys.
The great reset could become the great leap forward.
Let's hope we don't lose 80 million of us.
So you know about this, right?
Katie Couric was interviewing RBG, and RBG said the kneeling thing that Colin Kaepernick or Lil Dickie, depending what you want, was tacky.
So she cut out the interview.
And it's particularly annoying because one thing I liked about RBG was that she was relatively open-minded, and she wasn't a monolith.
She wasn't totally one-sided.
And she didn't represent the left perfectly in every detail.
She was friends with Scalia.
They got along great.
I hated that she said women don't belong at home and you're a sellout if you cook and clean.
Because judging by the woman I used to fuck when I was single, wow, did that message ever take?
I've been talking about this all weekend.
Remember when you go and bone chicks and there'd be like just a mountain of fucking dirty clothes in their shitty apartment, sink piled up, nothing in the fridge, sheets kind of dirty, one shitty pillow, mattress on the floor,
plastic furniture like little drawers in it, you know what I mean?
The TVs on top of that, weird, gross plastic garbage furniture.
Maybe a round table and one chair.
Gross.
Guys had nicer apartments.
Well, that looks like the fag zone.
Well, not the modern day fag zone.
Married fag zone?
How is the married fag zone?
I haven't seen your place yet.
It's gorgeous, man.
What does she do about your mess?
I don't have a mess.
I have a little zone that's all me where it has my guitar equipment and stuff like that.
But we have a strict rule on folding your clothes.
And even if, like, if I wear this once, I put it in a little area in a basket that I could wear it again.
It's still not really dirty.
You want to just put it back where it came from?
Because I want to wear it again and then throw it in the dirty.
And then also if we're stopping and then throw it in the dirty.
But then if we have to do laundry and we don't have enough, then you can just throw it in there.
But could we do a lot of laundry?
Do a lot of laundry.
We have a nice little thing about it.
I always clean the dishes.
I like.
Yeah, your kitchen was always clean, but your bedroom was four foot high with clothes.
No more.
There is no more of that.
We're good with it.
And they threw away a lot of clothes, too.
We gave some away to the...
And we have another bag that we have to donate.
No, don't donate clothes.
No one needs them.
The world is full of clothes.
Stop donating clothes.
It's stupid.
Even during Hurricane Sandy, everyone was sending all these clothes down.
And the black kids would just go through it all looking for sneakers and throw it all in the garbage.
So by cutting out that shit with RBG saying, I'm not into kneeling, she's killing the nuance of the woman.
This is what we hate about communism.
It's gray.
It removes color.
RBG showed some color.
She showed some nuance.
She showed some depth.
And Katie Couric went, no, we're cutting that out.
And then it reminded me of 1.9, She changed woman to people.
So she said a woman should have the right to choose, blah, blah, blah.
They've since rewritten her statement and changed women to people, erasing RBG's use of the word woman, the decision whether or not to bear a child is central to a person's life, to their well-being and dignity.
When the government controls that decision for people, they are being treated as less than a fully adult human responsible for their own choices.
Isn't that fucked up?
With Justice Death, we lost a champion for abortion mobile and on the anniversary of her death.
The fight to protect abortion access more urgent than ever.
Like, that's not how it works, folks.
This is Stalinism.
This is communism.
We've got all the features.
Anyway, I got an interesting letter from a baby monster about this, and I have to stick it here.
This would be 1.8, I guess.
No, no, we already showed it.
He goes, one, it's not the journalist's job to make people look good.
It's to tell the story as well and completely as possible.
This is not some rock star or movie actor, and Kuric is supposedly not a PR bimbo.
Two, if you think the judge is prejudiced or not conscious of racial justice or senile, that is also an important story.
Yeah, good point.
Three, the journalist's job in a republic is not to protect or attack anyone.
It is to provide the public with all the information they need to form opinions and make their own decisions.
Yeah.
Like when I said that Chelsea Handler stole Joy Coy from his ex-wife, the numbers didn't add up.
So I had to drop that.
It's sort of like Michael Moore.
I think this ruined his career, where he went to look at the environment and he discovered that it's really just overpopulation and all this other solar shit.
Solar doesn't work.
Wind doesn't pay for itself.
It's all a lie.
Electric uses burning coal.
And so instead of him going, huh, I guess us environmentalists are wrong.
He went, huh, I guess we have to all stop breeding and never have any babies.
Or we could get with Jonathan Swift and have the poor eat their young.
All right, last moment on this liberal thing.
The editor at the Huffington Post put this out, 1.9.
Being a Nazi to own the libs works every time.
Now, I don't expect you, Ryan, your tiny brain, to grasp the profundity of this error.
Yes.
But it really is bizarre because that is Joey Salads.
And we remember what he did there, right?
He wore a swastika and a MAGA hat to a Trump rally.
And he tried to make friends, which is what the left says.
They say, you're all Nazis.
They constantly depict Trump as Hitler.
They constantly talk about the Nazis did this.
This is just like the Nazis, blah, blah, blah.
So Joey Saltz went to test it.
Judging by the way you liberals talk, that he should be embraced.
But of course, he was told to fuck off.
He was ignored.
Eventually they got rid of him.
They kicked him out of the rally.
So it was a good point.
It was good art.
It was good satire.
It showed that the left is wrong about the Nazi thing.
But there is Andy saying it was wrong.
Being a Nazi to own the libs is evil.
How?
It's the most overused analogy in modern culture, and Joey just blew the lid off it.
So then we go down, and retarded leftists attacked this group, Hollywood Resistance, because they have a swastika for their logo.
Yeah, they do.
They're saying the vaccine is like the Nazis.
They're anti-needle and the needle's on a swastika, meaning swastika bad.
Nazi, no, no, me no likey.
So they totally nag and attack this group.
And what's his name?
Dershaw Walker.
What is this?
Dersha Walker defends the use of a swastika.
Well, yeah, in a negative light, of course.
What the fuck's the matter with that?
But then what's the bottom right picture?
Click on that.
So everyone shits their pants.
Herschel Walker cancels fundraiser with supporter ed swastika and her Twitter profile.
See, this is what I was going to try to get to.
We need to out-Karen the Karens.
See, they Karened this guy and he shit his pants.
We need to get on with Walker and say, Walker, if you pussy out because these people had a negative portrayal of a swastika, which is good, right?
When you say swastika bad, you're being a good guy.
We're going to fucking blow you up and ridicule you and make it really rough for you.
We need to out Karen the Karens.
Anyway, more on that tomorrow.
I think we should get to the mailbag.
And we will.
Supply.
By the way, I sent you an email, I think, just now of the riots, not riots, the rally in New York City.
Gotcha.
New York City, Berkeley, Portland.
One of the most liberal cities in America.
And they have had enough of this conversation.
Make a very shirt.
Maybe it's down.
Massacre Liberty.
Is that Scott Lobedo's banner?
I can't read it.
Who's saying unveiling my banner?
Yeah, it is Scott.
That's Scott's TikTok.
Yeah.
Scott TikTok.
So that was pretty cool.
This is a wow.
All of Times Square was mobbed this weekend.
Shoulder to shoulder.
Times Square is big.
It looked like New Year's Eve.
But with less barriers up.
Did you say Barrier?
Yeah, B-A-R-R.
Man.
Because I had some good gravy.
You're Gavin Bear.
I'm Bear Bear.
You can be Bear Bear.
Thanks.
Gravy.
Okay, here, first letter here.
Timestamp 14 minutes.
It's another felonious gem.
Okay.
14 minutes.
So I noticed your internet's moving faster, Ryan.
It is.
After I asked you to fix the problem 80 times.
And then today I said, stop what you're doing and fix the internet.
This is true.
And it seems to be fixed.
What about all your bullshit of like, Skype is open and I have too many tabs open?
Well, it did help that I changed out the Ethernet cable.
There.
So what's that got to do with tabs and Skype?
That also does affect things too, of course.
If you have a lot of things open, it takes up your bandwidth.
Even your hard drive.
I talked to the tech guy today.
He's like, even if you have a shitty hard drive, because no matter how fast your internet speed is, if the computer can't compute or it's a CPU problem, it's not going to bring in stuff.
But that doesn't mean you're right, Moron.
We bought you the top RAM for both of those computers that Apple can provide.
Well, this one is still old.
I used the old one for...
I bought the old one.
It's not old.
It's from a few years ago.
2014.
But yeah, you know.
2014?
Yeah.
He did bring up, do I want a new one?
And I say, it can be 2014.
2014.
I was at Compound Media in 2014.
They could have bought you an old computer.
This is late, yeah, Mac Mini late 2014.
All right, whatever.
Let's hear this new Felonious at 14 minutes.
This is, I'm not seeing that one.
What is this from?
I just came in.
Maybe refresh or something.
Yeah.
Okay, got it.
Timestamp 14 mins.
First minute.
Back a little.
It might be in there, depending on what religion they follow.
All right, let's go back to the rest of the video.
It was named after Houstonian Jack Yates.
So this is who the football field was named, though.
After.
From the trait.
The high school is named after Houstonian Jack Yates, who was a former slave who became a leader in Houston's black community after the Civil War.
Tonight, his great-great-great-granddaughter was asked by her family to attend the school board meeting, which she says they learned about at the last minute.
We don't mind working with the community, but we want Houston.
We want the community leaders to also recognize that the lineage is still here.
Our legacy is still here.
The brother of George Floyd says he's not surprised the proposition was controversial.
I'm not really surprised because a lot of people want the stadium to be named after the M. It was a lot of great...
Please stop.
A lot of people orchestated?
The proposition was controversial.
I'm not really surprised because a lot of people want the stadium to be named after the M. A lot of people want the stadium to be named after them.
Yeah, I do.
Gavin McKinnis Stadium in Houston.
Go back.
The brother of George Floyd says he's not surprised the proposition was controversial.
I'm not really surprised because a lot of people want Custadium to be named after them.
It was a lot of great athletes, great leaders.
Rewind that part again.
Rewind that part again.
What George's brother just said.
The proposition was controversial.
I'm not really surprised because a lot of people want Custadium to be named after them.
Custadium.
You know, I want to see if you can translate this from Puerto Rican, by the way.
I had a sandwich today, and the guy goes, pepper.
Nope.
Pica.
What's the whole sentence he's saying?
Do you want ketchup?
No.
Pickle.
Do you want a pickle?
So ju is do you.
Ba is want.
A doesn't exist.
And then P-I-G-A.
PIGA is pickle.
Juba, PIGA?
You don't speak English.
If it's those guys down the street, I don't think they're Puerto Rican.
I think they're like from Salvador.
And when the one guy's Cuban with the slick back hair.
Slick back hairbear.
This is hilarious.
Canadian government workers have been using bad phrases.
Ban them.
Control speech.
Are they saying, let's go, Brandon?
I can't wait for that to be illegal.
Oh, yeah.
Canadian government workers must not say let's go Brandon or any variation thereof in any communication.
Well, just to play devil's advocate, I kind of understand that a government official shouldn't be saying fuck Joe Biden.
Even if it is clever?
Like, you can say it on your own time, but as far as government documents go.
I'm not saying I like it, but I'm saying I understand.
Yeah, I want people to say that.
But yeah, I understand that you can't have the let's go Brandon Park.
They spelled it right, you'll notice.
Hey, Gavin, Dreambo Mancroft, blonde and Matt Christensen got trolled recently with the Bald Eagles.
She finally figured it out and mentioned it here.
Go to 21725.
2172045.
Okay, clicking.
I wonder if she'd want to fuck me if we were both single and I was younger.
Interesting thought.
That's the kind of thing you want to do now that you're old and there's no chance of it.
You just want to be like, hey, would you have fucked me?
Yeah, that was kind of fun.
Welcome.
Thanks for keeping me company on my long carpet.
On your resume.
Homo Scarecrow.
That was almost a disaster drew.
That's Blonde's resume.
Homo Scarecrow.
I do that too.
Must have.
There we go.
By the way, I have a joke about chickpeas, but not enough characters left to.
I know the chickpea bit.
We get it.
We get it.
And now I know your bald eagle joke because I listened to Gavin McInnes' podcast this week.
Ah, yes.
I'm hip to the jive or whatever.
Knuckle hunky bucks.
CNN claiming that Rogan's.
Well, glad we tuned in on that.
Thanks, Reader.
Wow.
What a great update.
Jesus Christ, you're a dork, Michael.
Fuck, talk about uninteresting.
Hello, pussies and faggots.
I'm sure you've all heard this already, but in case you haven't, let's go, Brandon, is the number one song on iTunes.
It's not even a good song.
That's how much he's hated.
I don't care.
We're not going to click on that.
This is from Jack.
The bird, which is the Google suggestion.
Really?
Is that true?
Let me try that myself.
So you go into, well, I like Brave more than Google.
But here we go.
The bird.
Wait, maybe I have to go to Google itself and not just use the URL bar.
The URL window.
Okay, here we go.
Ready?
You should be doing this too, Dickweed.
I am.
The brings me the Batman.
Bird brings me the bird.
Witch, which is the bald eagle.
We officially own the bird witch.
No, we own.
I'm at the bird weh.
We own the bird weh.
Wow.
Amazing.
Wait a minute.
Yeah.
So the bird W, that game does stuff like the bird World War II, the bird watcher.
But the second you push an H after the W, we're in.
You're right.
It's so fucking stupid.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, my God.
My kid was saying something today about something being stupid.
Oh, yeah.
He goes, he goes, what's the best song in the world?
I go, I've told you this before.
It's Louie Louie.
And he goes, I saw that on a list of the stupidest songs in the world.
Ouch.
Oh, before he said that, he goes, but it has no lyrics.
I go, the chorus is just Louie Louie, but the verse is a fine little girl, she waits for me, me catch a ship across the sea.
Three days and nights, me sail, that thing, me never think I'll make it home.
Louie Louie, we gotta go.
It's a Jamaican song about finding your love.
And he goes, it's on a list of the 100 stupidest things in American history.
And I go, yeah, what's the matter with stupid?
I go, Beavis and Butthead are stupid, and they're awesome.
Rock and roll is stupid.
Punk is stupid.
Some of our best friends are stupid.
This show is stupid.
The bird which is the bald eagle is the dumbest thing we've ever done.
And it's amazing.
How the bird which is the bald eagle.
What's this?
Jeopardy Labs?
Oh, that's me.
What's this?
I'm building a Jeopardy board in-game.
Okay.
I could spoil one of them, and you could tell me if this is good.
Okay.
I have a punk area of questions.
Okay.
And let's see.
Let's see if this is any good.
Okay.
This band from Peace Haven, England, has a song that claimed The Queen Gives Good Blowjobs.
Sex Pistols?
No.
Where are they from?
Peace Haven, England.
I didn't think I would sub.
This is a $200 question.
Don't look it up.
We'll keep this in the game.
You're going to look it up.
I'm not going to look it up.
Okay.
The Queen Gives Good Head?
Gives Good Blowjobs.
Is it The Queen Haters?
Mm-mm.
You dropped their name in History of Punk.
I think the $500 question is pretty tough, but I think you might know it.
I don't know that one.
And then there's Tattletale Journalists.
There's a lot of good categories, a lot of good questions.
So you're making a Jeopardy?
Yeah, there's even one that's...
Oh, for our marathon.
Have we told everyone we're having a marathon for Christmas?
I think it'll be December 17th.
We're going to try to go 24 hours.
We'll get guests in here, have all kinds of fun business.
And the goal will be to get subscriptions up.
We'll also raise money for Max and John.
It's going to be a fun night.
This is one of the questions.
This is one of the categories.
The bird which isn't the bald eagle.
And there's a bunch of clues for different birds.
I don't know if you're smart enough to make a Jeopardy game, Ryan.
I know what you're saying, but I think these are all good.
Well, I didn't get that one.
Well, that doesn't mean it's...
That means you're not good.
Yeah, that's the way your brain operates.
Hey, Andrew, if you're dating a woman named Angelique, it's time to put a ring on it and stop fucking around.
Like, what are you waiting for?
Are you waiting for her with bigger tits?
What do you need?
What is she not giving you?
You want to shop around more?
Fuck a few more chicks?
Pussies are all the same, basically.
So if you get along with her, stop wasting everyone's time and put a ring on it.
Why do you think we're here?
Did you see that video I played of the little kid running to the truck driver?
That's what it's all about.
Oh, you want to party?
Okay, I understand that.
I party too.
10 years?
You steal booze from your parents when you're 14, 15?
25?
I think we pretty much worked it out.
A decade of decadence is what Motley Cruz says they have under their belt.
Sounds pretty good to me.
10 years isn't cutting it?
You want more money?
I want more money before.
What do you need more money for?
I mean, I hate the boomers, but they didn't have any money when they settled down.
They just put a ring on it, got to work, had us as Gen Xers when they still lived in an apartment building.
So stop waiting.
It's a sign of cowardice.
Grow some balls and ask her to marry you.
You're wasting your time.
It's time to move on to the next chapter.
The party chapter is a great chapter.
I love that chapter.
But you can't get on with the book if you stay in one chapter.
You gotta keep moving forward.
As Mike Skinner says, let's push things forward.
All right, let's get to the final video.
Speaking of pushing forward.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And so we will.
We'll treat that get married thing as the final diatribe.
I just want to show you that God sweats the small stuff.
Yes, he worries about, you know, the earth and he worries about mudslides in India and other stuff.
But sometimes some asshole will have fucked someone over to build a fruit stand and he will have screwed a bunch of farmers that really needed the money and ripped them off.
Not just bought the fruit for way cheaper than he should have, but stolen some of the fruit.
And he's shut out other competitors.
And sometimes God is watching guys set up a fruit stand this corrupt and he's watching the guy get away with it again and again and again and shut out other fair competition, like some sort of tony soprano of fruit stands.
And sometimes God says, you know what?
Fuck you.
Fuck your fruit stand.
And sometimes we capture it on video.
Fuck you and fuck your fruit stand.
You're a dick.
I don't like you and I'm God.
So you're toast.
I guess that can't do any damage to a car, right?
Because this guy seems pretty brave.
Can't one of those boxes come and shatter your window?
Look, you can see him there realizing that he fucked up.
Or can you?
Yeah, there he is.
Did you learn your lesson, asshole?
Aren't you embarrassed?
You know you suck when God sends a tornado to your fruit stand.
All right, folks, that's it for today's show.
Tomorrow we're going to have kind of a ridiculousness catch-up because I have so many fun videos like that that I don't have a chance to show.
It's just one final video a day.
So we're going to catch up on them tomorrow and really have a total.
What's that guy's name?
Dewicky?
Rob DeWicky?
Rob Deerdeck.
Rob Deerdeck.
We're going to have a Rob Deerdeck day.
I like you more than a friend.
And isn't it funny how prescient this website is?
First it was called Free Speech.
That got shut down.
We were left with no choice but censored, which doesn't really roll off the tongue.
And now everyone is getting censored on a daily basis.
And then we ended the show with get fired, get in trouble.
It seemed kind of weird when I first said it.
I was like, why should I get fired?
And then we have all these people going, fuck you.
If you're going to vax me, I'm going to get fired.