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Oct. 11, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:02:32
S04E40 - IS JAMES BOND DEAD?
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Oh, live from New York.
It's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGinnis.
I'll make the shows shorter.
Shorter, sweeter, funner, hotter.
Two hours is too long.
That's like radio when you're driving.
This isn't radio.
This is video.
So we want you to stay excited.
And you can't stay excited for two hours a day.
That's ridiculous.
And I'm sitting here with like 60 articles to talk about.
What?
I just looked at the clock like the clock was going to be like, yeah, you're right.
It's about Peewee's Playhouse.
Hey, Clocky, can you believe that we have so much news?
Yeah.
Yes, Peru.
We should totally have talking pieces.
I was talking to my friend who has a show too, and I was like, I'm stealing that idea because he can't make it work.
He's like, he wants like talking, like the printer would just open up and be like, hi, Garvin.
We should totally steal that.
Yeah, yeah, we're stealing that.
But it's official.
That's awesome.
But don't you need a puppeteer?
Or you'll just do it in like a CGI?
I'll figure out some sort of wacky way.
Yeah.
Trust.
Maybe we could do it in advance.
Like, Clocky already has his answer ready.
So when I go, what do you think, Clocky?
And he's like, I don't think we can do it, boss.
Maybe.
I got a couple of different routes we can go.
Okay.
So that's lots of exciting changes in the first one minute of the show.
Wow.
That opening song was Baila Caning Camigo by Lust Era Puerto Rican dudes who were heavily inspired by Suicide.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've seen them live.
Suicide.
Really?
I hear the influence, yeah.
Very much hear the influence.
Very much.
Very much.
Baila conigo means dance with me.
Uh-oh.
Suicide are the most underrated, overly influential band in the history of music.
No one knows who they are.
No one talks about them.
I saw records of them.
I think they started in 1971.
And I saw newspaper articles in New York City, like archived, calling them punk in 72.
What?
Turn it up.
This is Ghost Rider Ring?
Now, Bruce Springsteen just stole this for that song State Trooper on Nebraska, which is, I think, my favorite Bruce Springsteen album.
But I'm not sure if you'd call it an homage.
What's an homage?
And what's a blatant rip-off?
Like, play, go to the end of State Trooper.
1-3.
And you can show everyone the behind the scenes there.
They can see it all loading up.
This album is...
This one has, this is the one with Atlantic City on it.
Me made another Atlantic City.
Yeah, that's an homage.
Because there's no digital stuff.
It's just a guitar.
Go to the very end of the song.
I think it's 302.
Eric Conno.
You know who else was heavily influenced by suicide?
Totally forgotten band, Aerie Weapons.
I got a funny story I just remembered.
Natasha Leone was such a fucking crackhead junkie in the early aughts that she looked like a cool dude.
I mean, I think her body's, by the way, Natasha Leone's a friend of mine, wonderful human being, one of the funniest people I've ever met.
But back when she was addicted to drugs, I mean, wow.
She would just like sit there.
I think she was doing heroin and crack or whatever meth.
And she'd have these scabs on her face that she'd pick at in the mirror.
And then the blood would hit the sink and drip down and form these red lines all over the sink as she sat there picking her scabs for hours and hours and hours.
But my buddy Sharky once, he look up Aerie Weapons, the band.
So this guy is like, hey, you want to come do Coke with me?
And my buddy Dan, who was kind of nerdy, we called him Sharky, he picked his own nickname, which is annoying.
Because we'd be in South Brooklyn with like real zips, real fucking wise guys.
And they'd be like, what's your name?
I'm Shocky.
And they just assume, oh, you're a fucking wise guy.
You're a loan shark.
You're a huge deal.
So now we're with these heavy dudes.
And they're like, hey, Shocky.
I'm like, dude, your stupid nickname is going to get us killed.
But anyway, he goes, wow, I'm getting cool.
I'm hanging out with Aerie Weapons, the dude from Aerie Weapons, like the coolest band in New York.
They say they run New York.
They were kind of the head of the, that's not a very good picture of them, of the Electro Clash scene that got sabotaged by journalists.
One of them, the guy, Matt, there with the guitar, was living with Chloe Sevenye.
They were going to get married.
He cheated on her and blew that one.
so he goes, Wow, I'm cool.
Find more pictures, dude.
Is that all there is?
Find one where they look tough and cool.
There's Paul Seveny in the band.
No.
This one's pretty cool.
Wait, that's not them.
No.
They're not very Google-able.
Wait, there was an album cover there that looked kind of tough.
Okay, so anyway, there they go.
Right above me.
No, up.
No, up.
These two guys?
Yeah, that's them.
But anyway, so that's who Sharky thought he was hanging out with.
Sunglasses on, hood up, leather jacket, deep voice.
And she goes, let's go get some.
I ruined the story by saying she, and you know it's Natasha Leone.
She goes, let's go get some six pack before we go back to my place to do Coke.
And he's like, sure, no problem, dude.
And then they get to the bodega, and the East Indian gentleman at the front goes, I'm going to need to see ID because she's tiny.
And she gives it to me, and he goes, oh, my gosh.
And she goes, yeah, yeah, I know, Natasha Leone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's just give me the fucking beer.
And he's like, I'm not hanging out with one of the coolest guys in New York.
I'm hanging out with Natasha Leone, who is so fucking high that I thought she was a cool dude.
Wow.
Happy Thanksgiving Day to my fellow Canucks out there.
This is their big day.
It's colder there.
They celebrate the harvest earlier.
So we do Thanksgiving now.
Oh yeah, this ARA weapons.
I forgot to play there.
I'm not away.
I heard that from you too long ago.
And you still hold.
And I hope you cool.
I'll find.
Fuck you, baby.
Give me my money.
Fuck you.
2004.
I remember the blackout.
It was one of the funnest nights of my life.
It's in my book, Death of Cool, which I don't see behind me.
Fantastic night.
Everyone was partying.
The bars were handing out free booze.
We were shrieking.
We were running around nude.
People were chanting, no more nude guys, no more nude guys at us.
And then the media was, NBC showed up and they go, what's going on here?
And I said, they said, what is this?
And I go, it's New York Muscle, baby.
New York Muscle, which is an airy weapon song.
And I was naive enough to think that that would catch on and it would be front page of the post, New York Muscle.
Didn't happen.
That's another great New York airy weapon song.
So yeah.
Not only is it Thanksgiving Day in Canada, but here in America, it's Indigenous Peoples Day, which I've noticed is this new thing, and I mentioned this on my Getter account.
Black and Indigenous people, that's just a thing now, black and indigenous.
It's almost one group.
Are there two groups that have less in common than Native Americans and Afro-Americans?
Have the two ever met each other?
Has a black person ever met an Indian ever once said how?
Yo, what's up?
Hello?
Hey.
Well, there's a lot of Native American rap, I guess.
But like the people who say indigenous, it's a very unique culture, Native American culture.
There's fry bread, there's the res, there's the jokes.
I mean, it's a, it's, I noticed when my mother-in-law, who's full ho-chunk, sends my daughter, who's half, my daughter, my wife, the text, sometimes the jokes, it's like they have a whole vernacular.
Like every time they do a joke, they end it with, I like, what did the Indian say to the North Owl when he said, you're two months early?
Aye!
You know, the only person I've ever seen capture Native American culture is Fred Armison.
He has this Indian comedian he does.
And I've spoken to Indians that go, that's spooky.
He must have spent some time on the res because this is too fucking good.
I guess you'll be pulling that up.
I'm already laughing.
I'm going to begin again with one of my favorite up-and-coming stand-up comedians.
He's a Native American from the Apocaly tribe.
Please welcome Billy Smith, ladies and gentlemen.
Billy Smith.
Thank you.
Well, let me hear you make some noise.
Oh, see, black and indigenous.
Boy, it sure is cold here in this island of square mountains and yellow horses.
It is so cold that I feel as if I have frozen off my Oakaca.
Doing the George Lopos thing too, where George Lopos will throw in some Mexican...
ceremonial rattle that makes the noise of rain.
Play on words.
This thing on.
Yeah, it is funny.
Anyway, my wife is a terrible cook.
Whenever she prepares a feast, I tell her I would sooner eat Istankayama Kosama!
I heard the black indigenous thing too.
Here's a perfect example of how it's used.
3.9, gifted programs are racist.
And I like how in her verbiage here, she assumes that everyone who's in a gifted program is white.
And she also assumes that not gifted people are black, Native American, and then like queer.
Like only straight white males are in gifted programs.
Sorry, they're called Asians.
And they are pretty much 90% of the gifted programs in New York City anyway.
If you'll notice the rallies, because de Blasio, He's almost done his term.
I think he's out in, what, November?
And his final thing to do before he peaces out is kill all the gifted programs.
Eric Holder, holding the DA under Obama, no, the Attorney General, he didn't like that blacks were appearing so much in the crime stats.
So he solved that problem by removing race from crime stats.
So when you look at crime stats, you have to be pre-like 2012 or whatever it was that he did this, or there's no race involved.
France did that too.
They don't know how many blacks are in Paris because demographics are illegal to study.
That's good.
I like less information.
That empowers people.
And de Blasio didn't like that the gifted programs were all Asians and didn't have enough blacks.
So what do you do?
Give black people school choice.
Do you have charter schools in Harlem?
Get their grades up?
No, you just kill the entire program.
Problem solved.
Hey, there's too many rich people.
They're making too much money.
Take all their money.
Now there's no more rich people.
Next challenge.
Anyway, listen to this, the logic of the youth.
I mean, I can say it more directly.
You weren't gifted, talented, or smart.
You were just most likely, statistically speaking, an upper-middle-class white kid.
And so your school district rewarded you by giving you the title of gifted.
And then they used that as an excuse to pull resources from your black and indigenous, low-income, disabled, neurodivergent peers.
Wait, stop.
And gave them to you.
They took money from disabled children?
So there's a gifted program, but the gifted programs are all over the place.
They're in the South Bronx.
They're mostly poor Chinese people.
Neurodivergent.
Why are disabled people not smart?
Disabled people are poor?
What the fuck is she talking about?
You.
You benefited from the system of white supremacy and classism because you could uphold it as more likely than not an upper middle class or middle class white kid.
You were the reason and the excuse for withholding resources from marginalized students, and you were complicit in accepting them.
And I know you were a child, and I know you probably didn't have a lot of say, and you also didn't have a lot of perspective.
But as an adult, you don't have any perspective.
You don't know what race is in gifted programs, you stupid bitch.
Her research is based on her just going, that's where she gets her information from, her own vacuous mind.
And all that meant is that you could thrive under classism and white supremacy.
Unpack that.
The idea that being gifted and getting something based on purely your merit and your education has something to do with race is just so beyond me.
But it's an effort to look at everything through that lens.
And there's never been anybody to say, well, there's more gifted kids.
I don't want to listen to a black woman talk about racism.
Went to see the Tyson Wilder fight.
Walk into a bar, cop buddy, he's paying for everything because he fucked up the original plan, which was to go to this other bar.
And anyway, we walk in.
There's this Armenian dude there.
My cop buddy says, anyone want shots?
So now we're best friends.
I've never saw that before.
You go to a new place, you offer the two strangers next to you shots out of the gate.
Now they love you.
And this guy, he looked like a Bond villain.
And we'll get to James Bond in a second.
But he had a baby eye.
What?
He was a tough-looking dude, right?
Looked like he was into petty crime, petite larceny.
But he got stabbed in the eye in a fight.
And apparently, your eye deflates.
Like.
And it still worked, though.
So he had a tiny eye and a normal eye.
And guess what else he had?
A fucking 10 under his arm.
Guys, you need to get facially abused to get a hot chick.
You need a scar.
Get a scar across your face.
Get facially abused.
Seen.
Get stabbed.
Half-seen.
If you're in a fight and a guy pulls out a knife, go try to get your face on it.
Even when I went to visit Tommy Robinson, there was this guy who had been attacked with a machete.
He was one of Tommy's hooligan buddies who said, I said, do you support the police here or how does it work?
Because where I'm from, Patriots are pro-cops.
And he goes, no, mate.
We fucking hate the culprits down here.
Fucking hate them.
And then I talked to Tommy later and I go, Tommy, your buddy there to pick me up at the airport.
He said, you guys all hate cops here?
He goes, no.
We fucking police are on our side, mate.
And I go, but he says that he hates him.
He goes, yeah, of course he hates him.
He's a criminal.
So anyway, in this machete attack, because that's who you're fighting down there, not knives, machetes, he blocked it.
It went in, chopped him up like butcher meat, but he also got one across the face.
And as the woman was stitching his face up, she said, y'all going to do real well with the ladies after this.
So it's a universal thing, well-known thing.
The formerly wounded pup.
Yeah.
This guy, yeah.
Oh, my God.
That guy would be a fucking nerd if it wasn't for that.
Totally.
He can fuck anyone.
All of these guys can fuck even many tonight.
Past this prime, but he looks badass.
Oh, yeah.
That's amazing.
You know, the other thing you have to do when you have a facial scar is be super polite.
That's the way you make it scarier.
That's probably the best one.
You got the Glasgow smile.
Is that really a Glasgow smile?
Right?
And that when they cut you.
Yeah, yeah.
Looks like it.
I mean, because both sides are affected.
Oh, that guy.
I have a boner.
I'll fuck him right now.
I'll get a face scar.
Fuck it.
So, yeah, we're doing.
But the undercards were amazing, and the fight was so good.
But again, I'm doing shots all night.
I'm blitzed.
And so the only thing I could do to enjoy it was to slap myself in the face again and again, trying to sober up during the fight because I wanted to see it and I wanted to remember it.
And I realize now how bizarre that must have looked to be sitting watching a fight with someone and to see one of the guys not talk to anyone, not say, watch this, just be going, yep, and whoops, whoops, whoops.
I was nailing myself.
But it was an amazing fight.
Tyson Fury does this thing where he puts himself on you and blobs on you.
And it happens to me sometimes inspiring.
And you know, your health thing in a video game where it's all green?
You could just feel it, go when someone does that.
And it worked on Wilder.
But that's not to say that the whole fight was this constant clinching.
It was a part of it.
That's part of Fury's techniques.
But it didn't ruin the fight.
There was full-on brawling.
Oh, 277 pounds.
Fury 6'7.
He gets up after that, right?
Yes.
Oh, I'm not sure.
They were knocked down a million times.
It was an 80s fight.
Wow.
Look, this is the best fight you've seen in recent history.
Oh, that's what everyone was saying at the gym this morning.
They were like, the 80s are back.
Like, this was Tyson era, HBO, like the glory days.
Hagler and Hearns.
Look at him.
What was that right there?
Oh, shit.
That was fucking brutal.
Yeah, I think that falls just sheer exhaustion.
So, of course, like, Deontay Welder could be such a hero.
He's got a handicapped daughter that he took up boxing to pay for, you know, all her special needs.
But he's a moron and a goof and a pussy.
Like, last fight with Fury, he said his ridiculous shredder costume, which was downright embarrassing, he dressed up as shredder, was so heavy that it tired him out and he couldn't fight.
And then this round, he goes, Fury had plaster of Paris in his boxing gloves.
I want them inspected.
You know what was in his gloves, though, was horse hair.
Maybe that's an Irish good luck thing?
Was there actually?
Yeah.
Look it up.
Fury had horse hair.
But yeah, maybe boxing's back.
That was an exciting evening.
Get Mr. Larry in here.
So, wait, what?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's what everyone said, too.
We need to bring back fights with Barnes.
Look.
Path and Sports put stitching into their gloves, like soda's Rey is and so does Everlast MX.
We've dissected thousands of gloves, but I'm just saying, with these stitches, you can't manipulate.
I mean, where's it going to go?
How's here?
You grab it and you tell me, where's it going to go?
Why would Fury jeopardize his entire career, his entire legacy, by cheating?
That's like a 1970s thing.
That last clip reminded me of that new Matt Damon movie where some chick's going to get killed.
It's medieval nights, and there's no black people in it.
And I was watching, I went to see James Bond this weekend at this awesome theater in Yonkers called the Alamo.
It's a chain.
I think they started in Texas.
It's one of these Eaton thing, like Nighthawk in Brooklyn.
Very nice, yeah.
Oh, it's the best.
And you can just tell the people that run it love movies.
The fucking bill was a little heavy.
Wow.
I think I sank $200 into that.
But my whole family got to eat.
There is five of us.
It adds up.
So, what was what?
20 bucks?
40 bucks each?
Is that it?
It's one of them.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
I mean, I'm sure it's not the same one, but whatever.
But they're showing that movie, the medieval night movie, and I'm just like, please don't have black people.
Please don't have black people.
Please don't have black people.
I'm sorry if that sounds racist.
But they weren't around.
And when you stick them in a movie, it makes you look like a pussy.
It makes you look like you're saying, please don't boycott me.
Please kill me last.
Well, look, I'll stick a black person in here.
And it's also insulting to black people because it implies they need to see someone like them in a movie where there was zero black people around.
Boy, that must hurt, eh?
I mean, you're either speared with a lance or you have the impact of a fucking baseball bat going into your chest.
Dude, I really am so pissed I missed the Renaissance Fair.
Oh, it's Gagan?
It's Gagan.
But they do jousting, and it's pretty hardcore.
Yeah, I meant to go to that.
Dude, it's a lot of fun.
I heard it's...
Well, like I, back when I was cool, I was against it.
But now that I'm a dad, I'm allowed to do nerdy shit.
Oh, that would be the coolest thing.
I hear you just drink tons of beer.
You drink tons of beer.
You eat a big old turkey leg.
There's bitches with their titties all puffed up and they're talking all gay.
It's awesome.
We went to medieval times for one of my birthdays.
I can't remember when it was.
And we kept yelling out, you literally rule to the king.
Uh-oh.
This looks very uncomfortable.
What are you going like 20 miles an hour?
You get a pole in your chest at 20 mph?
Anyway, so then we sit down to James Bond, and I was obviously petrified.
It was going to be woke.
It's woke.
Everything woke turns to shit.
You ruined the Sopranos movie.
Please don't ruin this.
I am happy to report it's only a little woke.
Okay.
Are there spoilers in what you're about to say?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Okay.
Spoilers.
Oh, yeah.
I called Nita Fashions after I left the theater and I said, stop, stop.
I said, you guys need to do a James Bond thing.
I don't care if you get sued.
Look, you're in fucking China.
Hong Kong isn't British anymore, right?
It's Chinese.
You can't get sued.
You have to have a James.
Because I was watching the whole movie going, I'm getting that.
I'm getting that.
I'm getting that.
And I go, I can't be the only one.
So they're going to put it on there.
They agreed with me.
Do you know what I've been making them rich?
Nice.
The pandemic would have crushed them.
We send them at least two customers a day.
And when you're a customer, I'm not talking about a bubblegum store where you might just go in and buy five cents.
When you're a customer at Nita Fashions, they examine your whole body and then you're on file forever and you buy a shirt like two years every two, you just keep buying.
So each customer is probably bringing them over the course of a lifetime six grand?
So I've been making them 12 grand a day.
And by the way, they're back on tour.
Go to 17.
So they're going to be in your town soon.
You set up an appointment, and that's the funnest part is they measure you.
You see the fabrics.
You touch the fabrics.
So we got New York for October.
Then there's DC.
They get a hotel room downtown.
Where is this?
Boston, Chicago.
Oh, I should send my cousin there to Chicago.
Atlanta, Houston, Dallas, Miami.
They're killing it.
Too bad they're such nice guys.
They should be doing Coke and fucking tons of chicks everywhere they go.
Imagine they are.
Oh, we are, buddy.
No, they're very proper.
Very proper people.
What a waste.
If he was a drug addict, Cokehead, drunk, he'd be like, I'm sorry, I have to leave you, my sweet angel.
I have to go to do my hard work.
I have to bounce like a toad.
Yeah.
And then just like, I got a girl in every city and they all know my name.
That's a Lars Fredrickson quote.
So yeah, that's exciting.
James Bond, Nita Fashions.
And you don't have to be like this guy, who's a gay nerd for a Bond.
No, no.
You don't ever tell anyone that your outfit was inspired by James Bond.
Let me make that crystal clear.
No.
This guy is a good one.
This is exactly as gay as having a Batman sticker on your car.
Yeah, he's like a Marvel nerd.
There's no difference.
He has the car.
He has the watch.
I mean, he's rich as shit.
He's got every little piece of bond thing.
Put some calipers to it, you would see those differences.
This is embarrassing.
He drives the Aston Martin and all that.
Don't do that.
Now you're into like Bruce Wayne.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about you have great outfits that are inspired by a movie.
Okay?
Like the best dressed person in the world is David Cassavetes in Rosemary's Baby.
Every single outfit in that movie is...
That's what you should all look like at all times.
Mine's going to pull it up.
The best looking woman is Terry Garr in Oh God.
But woman, no.
Ladies, you can look that up if you want.
No, that's not him.
What are you doing?
David Cassavetes?
Yeah.
Rosemary's baby.
You just showed me Daniel Craig.
Are you in?
Oh, I'm on a different screen.
Sorry.
Jesus H. Look at him.
Fantastic.
Look at that.
Even his PJs are awesome.
Oh, a brown sweater with a blue dress shirt.
Can't say enough about Beige and blue.
It's supposed to be John Cassavetes.
Oh, sorry, John Cassavetes.
Yeah, I was thinking of his son.
Or his dad or some shit.
Great suits in that.
Basically, we were done.
We were done with how men should look in around 1965.
Look at that suit.
There's no need to change.
It's like my dad says about the rhythmics.
There's no need to write any more songs.
Perfection has been achieved.
Here comes the rain again, falling on my head like a memory.
So in James Bond, the outfits are stupendous.
Like a beige corduroy suit.
Why didn't I think of that?
With a blue shirt and a tie.
Tuxedo's great.
A thick gray wool suit.
You can't really see that.
That suit's corduroy.
Now, he just got blowed up, so it's looking a little crumpled, but I mean, I'm gay.
I'm gay.
Right now, I have a boner.
I'm in love with that man.
See, look, Nita, if you're watching, go back up a little bit.
Other people are doing it.
It's not a copyright.
You just say inspired by.
You don't say this is the officially endorsed.
There we go.
See, that's all I'm saying you should do, guys.
People have been seeking out his fashion for a while.
Like even me, like that Henley is a rag and bone, about like $100 Henley, and it's always sold out.
I hate that stupid sweater, by the way.
It's got two little strings.
I was saying to my daughter, what the fuck is this for?
She goes, I don't know.
Maybe you want to tie it, make your neck tighter.
I go, no, people have hoods.
They want to tie their hood tighter, but no one wants their open neck sweater to be a little more snug.
What?
Is there something weird about the tie clip and the pocket square?
Yeah, it's not making me horny.
It's quiet.
It's quiet for that, right?
Yeah.
It's confusing.
And there's a lot of double-breasted suits, which I hate because when you undo them, they're these flounging panels.
But yeah.
Yes, there's a black woman in it.
Yes, they've desexed him.
Like he meets this fucking knockout who's going to take to a thing and you go, oh, you're going to fuck her in the closet, I guess.
And she goes, oh, no, sorry.
I'm just here for the mission.
Here.
She gives him a tuxedo, and then she turns around while he changes.
And then the black woman, what they did was they went, okay, let's start with what she has to look like, and then we'll find an actress like that.
That's not meritocracy, dummies.
That's not going to work out very Well, for you.
So, what they did was they got a woman who is as black as this marker, short hair, right?
She can't have like wannabe white hair, so she's hideous, and a huge fat ass the size of Ryan.
If he had his arms wrapped around his knees, like you could easily smuggle a person in her ass.
Just a big, fat, shitty, gross ass with no tits.
Like your mom, she looked like all your mom's friends.
And so the feminists were happy.
And to me, that just looks like, like I said before, don't kill me, kill me last.
Please, PC gods, are you appeased by this sacrifice?
And it doesn't work.
Like, say you made James Bond exclusively, everyone in the movie was white.
Some blogger, like that dumb bitch at the beginning of the show, might talk about black and indigenous peoples and blah, blah, blah.
It'll die.
The root might make you, might be mad.
But so what?
Yeah, there she is.
So she's like the perfect black woman.
She's not too white looking.
She's nice and dark.
She's not trying to do anything with her hair.
She's also gross.
She's a four.
That's generous, dude.
She looks like a cool guy to hang out with, right?
Don't you want to shoot hoops with him?
She looks like one of the black dads that sticks around and is responsible.
Yeah.
We go to baseball partners every week.
Look at her fucking eyebrows.
Are those sleeping bags?
So there's one scene where she fucks with his car in Jamaica.
He hangs out in Jamaica.
And she was, you need a ride.
You da, don't fuck around, Kebbin.
You get a beautiful scene.
And he's like, yo, Roy.
And then he gets on the back of her scooter.
And I was staying in the car with the family.
I go, I know a dude who was on his dirt bike.
He fucked it up really badly, and it was irreparable.
So they said, all right, we'll hop on the back and we'll drive into town.
We'll figure out a way to pick this up.
And he goes, no, thanks.
I can't ride on the back of someone's bike.
So he walked three miles into town, which is what you do.
You never, ever, under any circumstances, go on the back of someone's bike.
You've got to tell your Puerto Rican brethren that, too.
I see them sitting on the backs of bikes on a regular basis.
It's not a good look, dude.
And dirt bikes, they use a lot, too, in the area.
Yeah.
So he's there.
He's got his arms around her waist and she's driving to his house on her Vespa.
Like, get in the back.
I'll drive.
And then it gets worse.
At the very end, they're going to this secret lair, Poison Island, and they're dropping a glider out, right?
I guess they want to go so low they can't be seen.
And he goes, he gets in the back.
And he goes, you ever driven one of these before?
And she goes, nope.
By the way, guess what her number is?
007.
Yep.
It's been retarded.
You didn't think they'd retard the number, did you?
And then later on in the movie, she goes, can he have it back?
That was really good.
You know what's cool about this movie?
It's all about a virus, a manufactured virus.
So it feels very current.
Is this the trailer for it?
Yeah.
Right?
Oh, they're showing older movies, though.
It's a wax jacket.
Gorgeous.
He reminds me of Steve McQueen, who's so sexy.
My mom married my dad because he was dressed like Steve McQueen once.
He had a Harrington on.
And my dad, by the way, had a broken nose.
It looks like that.
That got him tons of pussy.
Okay, two chicks.
It's Harrington season right now, isn't it?
Yep.
I'm going to get one.
A fake one.
That was a little bit annoying that Ramek Malik was supposed to be like 50 years old.
Ew, really?
Yeah.
That was a cool scene.
Ramek Malik saved that woman you just saw when she was eight years old.
So I got like, I was sitting there in the theater doing the math, and I think I could make him as young as 40, but it's not easy.
And he doesn't look 40.
He looks 30.
You got to add crow's feet and shit.
Oh, yeah.
So I was saying that in the car, and my youngest boy, my nine-year-old, I go, you can't be on the back of a woman's moped.
And he goes, James Bond's supposed to be a big boy.
He's right.
He's absolutely right.
But yeah, he looked like such a cuck in the back of that drone.
And here's the funny thing about affirmative action, too.
They made her, she's there with, clearly not because she's a good actress or anything, right?
They started with the color of her skin, her hair, the size of her ass.
Those were all the preconditions, and then they got some random actress that fit that, which means she's not going to be a good actress.
So you're watching her.
She's a terrible actress, totally posey of the movie.
She's got this real attitude, like she doesn't like James Bond, which is stupid.
You have his number.
I assume they'd all be looking up to the number one Secret Service agent of all time, but it's like, oh, so you think you're Bond, right?
And so you're just like, I hate this bitch.
And so they gave an incompetent woman the job, and they made black women look bad.
So you're having the reverse effect.
Bad move.
But yeah, the scene on the back of the scooter is very brief.
You think he's going to fuck her and she's there because she's a spy.
He doesn't get laid once the whole movie, which is weird watching James Bond.
But there's a scene on the back of the scooter and then there's that drone scene I just told you about the glider scene where he looks like a little bitch in the back seat.
But those are very brief and we don't really see her much.
Oh, then there's one thing.
I'm not really ruining anything, but this guy, there's this big vat of acid and this guy is a genetic genius.
He's a scientist, biochemist, and he's like, I could wipe out your whole race without touching a thing.
Because he can program these little DNA robots to go after certain DNA patterns.
So he's saying, I could just end the black race.
And she goes, yeah, I'll think I'm dumb with you.
And she kicks him into a vat of acid.
So you need to die if you suggest a racist thing.
It's gay.
Was he a bad guy?
No.
What?
Yeah.
What a bitch.
Oh, that was a cool scene.
Is this the trailer?
Yeah.
They always show like the best things in the trailer.
Yeah, you're ruining the movie right now.
Spoilers, and it's only the trailer that's doing the spoiling.
Yeah, they just spoiled that scene.
You just saw how he got out of that scene.
Yeah, that does suck.
And you know what's not in it?
I hate like triple-double traitor shit.
What do they call it?
Triple-double cross.
Where, oh, you can't trust him.
Oh, no, the head of Q is actually evil.
Blah, blah, blah.
That's boring to me.
Just show me the good guys and the bad guys and let's fight.
There's the scene.
That's what I'm talking about.
She's never driven one of those before.
But we'll give it to the new agent.
There's also something very consequential at the end, but I will not discuss it.
Yes.
Thank gosh.
When are you going to go see it?
Friday nights are movie night, but I don't know if we could wait.
We saw Venom.
You know, now that we do these hour shows, we're coming to a close.
That's true.
Can you believe that?
Yep.
But I got it.
Some guy sent this in a baby monster.
I'm not going to save it for the mailbag, but it's so beautiful.
It's our new obsession, Taneshi Coates.
And speaking of Taneshi Coates, Eddie Gowd is the same exact person.
They have the same soul.
Eddie Gloud Jr.
Eddie Gloud Jr.
Gloud being Latin for lame.
And I was just thinking on the way here today, I was like, God, I wish me or someone honest was in that room where he goes, America is not unique in its sins.
America is not without fault.
But what we need to do is look in the mirror, the mirror, and see who we are before we can move forward and forgive ourselves for our past.
And remember, they're all going, mm, mm-hmm.
I just thought, God, why couldn't me or someone normal like Norm McDonald be there and go, you really are full of yourself, aren't you?
What are you talking?
Is this a sermon?
What are you doing?
This is a political show.
We talk about the news of the day.
You're on some pulpit there doing a really bad Martin Luther King impersonation.
Our sins?
What are you, my fucking priest?
God damn.
I hate to see people get away with this.
William Trump is too easy.
And it's sins.
We're not unique in our evils, to be honest with you.
We didn't benefit from the myths and legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
It's our refusal to acknowledge them.
Look, I would just like to go.
I'd just like to go.
Sorry, Eddie, what's with your mouth?
What's that little smirk you're doing?
Look at this guy.
Don't say word, don't say word, don't say word, don't say word.
Say a word.
What a great.
Talk about get fired, get in trouble.
This should be the perfect time to lose your job at MSNBC.
It's not about race.
Or even all you can do is just when he's done, just go.
Oh, Lord.
You done?
And then you done?
Then he touches them.
He puts his hand on his shoulder.
Oh, yeah, I love that.
There are communities that have had to bear the brunt of America confronting people.
Oh, he uses that multiple times.
Hears them.
And it happens every generation.
So somehow we have to kind of, oh, my God, is this who we are?
And just again, another, think about it.
Now, two of you.
By the way, we've watched this a million times.
And his point is ridiculous.
His point is that the Tea Party was racist and he warned us and we didn't listen.
No, the Tea Party was not racist, you fucking dunce.
Nice theory and nice fake glasses.
Anyway, so Taneshi Coates, exact same person, exact same race hustler, exact same bullshit.
It's a whole industry.
Buchanan warned us about back in 2001.
If there's no racism, they're out of a job.
So they have to keep pretending that we all give a shit.
As I've said a million times, we are way too selfish to be racist.
If someone is going to be a cool friend who's going to like the Mets and share my sense of humor, you think I'm going to deny me that amusement?
Same with the place of work.
Someone is going to save you money.
They know the tax laws.
They're great at scheduling.
They're going to control your whole workforce and make sure everyone shows up and everyone works hard and your productivity is going to go through the roof and your taxes are going to be nothing.
You're hired.
I don't care if you have a swastika tattoo on your face.
You're hired.
Can you put some makeup on, though, when you come to work?
I don't want to scare the Jews.
So this is fucking fantastic.
Taneshi Coates, he really, his career started when he did an article, I believe it was in The Atlantic, and it was the case for reparations.
He made a very compelling case that we should all pay blacks a bunch of money, which I believe, as Owen Benjamin pointed out, we already did that with stolen bikes.
The number is like $3 billion, whatever.
And it would, I assume, you'd have to trace your lineage back to slavery.
You can't be a Jamaican immigrant who just got here yesterday, right?
And then we'd also, once we trace your lineage, we'd have to make sure that you didn't get 40 acres and a mule or anything that was the deal.
So PBS goes back over his life and discovers that his great granny was a slave.
Okay, that's pretty bad.
A rich slave.
What?
Who got out super early.
What?
No, no, no, no, no.
And got tons and tons of land and tons of money and was treated great.
Oh.
So if there are reparations, I don't get any?
No, I'm afraid not.
Your great-great-great-granny was a great, great, great landowner who had plenty of money and was doing great.
She would crack the whip to the runaways, put them in the hot box, punish them bravely.
They promised us land.
Yeah, your great-great-grandmother got tons of land.
Oh, well, some didn't.
Okay.
Well, they didn't give her a mule.
You're out of the argument.
So you see him, he's crushed.
He's crushed to learn this.
The guy doing the PBS thing is dumb.
So he's just like, wow, this is awesome.
You should be thrilled.
Here, show it.
with the estate.
Man named Henry Jones.
Jones was a farmer, and this inventory, compiled after his death, lists the values for all the property he owned, including Tanahasse's third great grandmother.
Negro girl Harry, $250.
Hmm.
Still got something.
That is your third great grandmother.
I think he's trying to cry.
Please cry, please cry.
Someone else's property.
Her value worth $250 at $2,015 at $8,000.
Yeah, it was happy.
It was happy.
Almost every African American grapples with the fact that some of their ancestors were enslaved.
And those ancestors can be glimpsed through the records of their owners.
Unlike Harriet's slave.
Her owner, Henry Jones, died in 1899.
The world gave Harriet two things that few slaves ever receive.
Freedom and land.
Oops.
It is my will and desire that my slave Harriet shall be free at the age of 28 years.
I give my slave Harriet five acres of land at the south end.
I think I know why.
Five acres of land.
Paul's third edition.
This is not your typical African-American story.
Not your typical slave experience, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
You have written so eloquently about the slavery.
Silly kiss your ass.
And reparations.
You need to shut up.
But you are one of the handful of African Americans who descend not unilaterally from enslaved people, but from free Negroes on your mountainside.
Do I get a badge?
Do I get some cookies?
No, you can't write about reparations anymore.
You're one of them free Negroes.
I don't think I know why.
I don't know what you're joking about, sir.
That's exactly the case.
You frog.
Let's jump to the mailbag.
I don't think I know why.
And I think I know why.
Oh, I got my old computer here for some reason.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a death.
Let's turn our fries together's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Ryan's Jesse Lee Peterson was the funniest imitation yet.
Ryan, you have a gift, but you sing like a fag and your music is all retarded.
Ryan doesn't suck.
Please keep my email private.
I'm military.
Give Ryan some fucking credit.
He shreds on guitar pretty good for a gay.
I want to know how to join Prowboys Arizona.
I'm stationed here now, blah, blah, blah.
Ryan, keep it up with the guitar.
I followed you on Instagram.
Wasn't sure if it's actually you, but you're Trump, Bird, Jordan Peterson, blah, blah, blah.
Personation, kill me.
Love the show, guys.
I'm a patriot who's been serving 14 years.
Thank you for your service.
If you want a military perspective on anything, let me know.
I would love to call the live show, but I'm always at work being three hours behind.
Oh, my stars.
Very loud.
Fruit fly issue easily solved.
We got a lot of letters about fruit flies.
Apparently, their eggs are everywhere already, just waiting to hatch.
And if you get bananas, you should wash the bananas with dish soap.
That washes the eggs off.
And what they'll do is you get rid of them all, right?
Then they go to find like a wet plant or something, and the eggs are there forever.
So once you got fruit flies, you got them forever.
And I don't want to mislead the public here.
We don't have fruit flies everywhere.
We see one or two.
I just am confused by them.
I haven't seen them all day.
And people say, oh, they're in your sink.
Our bathroom isn't in the studio.
We have to go down the hallway to a shared bathroom that our neighbors use.
So that doesn't work.
Good afternoon, gents.
I've tended and operated a bar for about 12 years.
Your issue is not exactly fruit flies.
You have drain flies.
We don't have a drain, sir.
When I want to do the dishes, I have to put them all in a big bucket and then walk them all the way to a totally different part of the building to put them in the dishwasher.
So they live off little remnants of sugar, beer, or liquor being poured down into any of your drains.
We don't have drains, so go fuck yourself.
Hey, Gavin, you ever read the Unibomber Manifesto?
It's one of the most insanely fascinating manuscripts I've ever read.
I thought it would have been the ramblings of an obvious psychopath, but when I actually sat down and listened to it for over a few work commutes, it turned out to be an extremely prescient analysis of how modern leftism developed.
Every 10 seconds, he mind fucks you with a nail-on-the-head revelation and explanations about where their minds are at.
Take a few of these passages, for example.
Feminists are desperately anxious to prove that women are as strong and as capable as men.
Clearly, they are nagged by a fear that women may not be as strong and capable as men.
He also says, leftists tend to hate anything that has an image of being strong, good, and successful.
They hate America.
They hate Western civilization.
They hate white males.
They hate rationality.
The reasons that leftists give for hating the West, etc., clearly do not correspond with their real motives.
Uh-oh.
I'll call them back.
They say they hate the West because it's warlike, imperialistic, sexist, ethnocentric, and so forth.
But where these same faults appear in socialist countries or in primitive cultures, the leftist makes excuses for them.
Or at best, he grudgingly admits they exist.
Whereas he enthusiastically points out, and often greatly exaggerates, these faults when they appear in Western civilization.
Yeah, I was looking in the James Bond movie that one of the scenes is in Cuba.
And I was just like, even in the glory of cinema, where they had all these billionaires at this secret place, you still see the urban decay of that island.
And it's a beautiful island, could have tons of money, could have tourism and sugar and coffee and everything Costa Rica has, but socialism has just destroyed it.
And then people always say, yeah, but America ruined it.
By what?
Not giving it money?
That's like me being broke and saying I'm pissed off that Ryan isn't giving me tons of money.
I could be really successful if Ryan would just give me all his money.
America's not your problem.
And you got tourism from Canada and Europe and all over the fucking place.
No, it's because you're a socialist.
And I think I'm the one.
I voted what to do.
Gavin, to become an informant?
Uh-oh.
This beta male, part of the movement, which is the resistance, needs to crop out he, him, his receding hairline like the other bald guy does.
It'd be less triggering.
This is from David Farr.
Anti-David Farr, he calls himself.
Does that mean he's Antifa?
If an ARA, the FBI should be looking at Gavin McInnes as someone who'd likely give up a lot of info on the org.
His split with the Prowl Boys and the fact that he's the type who talks big but would snap under pressure makes him a great target for questioning.
When I read stuff like that, I'm like, come at me, David Farr.
I'll come harder than fucking Jussie Smalley.
Like this fucking pussy talking about how I would.
I come really, really hard.
Who is he?
Now I have to go look him up.
And I can't see, that's another frustrating thing about being banned from Twitter.
I can't go fight him.
I mean, I can't even message him and go, listen, you fucking pussy.
Did you look him up?
Anti-David Farr?
I'm anti-David Farr.
There was that woman who wanted to 2,000 followers.
Look at his fucking face.
He thinks I'm a pussy who cracks under pressure.
He doesn't.
But he also believes in love and flowers.
You know that we were looking at one of those signs, and there's the water is life is at the bottom of one of them.
But the bottom of another one says, we respect disabilities.
And it took me a while to realize this.
My wife got it right away.
But they're talking about Trump when he went, so first of all, he didn't know that that guy was handicapped.
He wasn't going handicapped.
He was just being like frustrated person.
Uh-uh, I'm Ryan.
Oh, I don't know what's going on.
That's what he was doing.
No one knew that guy was handicapped.
He crops out his gimp hand in all his photos.
And he's not a video journalist.
He's a writer.
Anyway, so that became Trump Disrespects Disabilities.
And then that became all of us, you and I, when we see someone in a wheelchair, we're like, that's fucking shitty legs, bitch.
Like their view of us is beyond comical.
Okay, let's...
Oh, yeah.
Find that woman.
So someone sent Ryan a request.
They want to ask me about Proud Boys, but they're not right or left.
They just want to ask some questions.
Something about Enrique is getting real stinky, and they want to ask me some questions.
I might fold under pressure from this woman.
The fact that he's the type who talks big, but would snap under pressure.
Could I have had more fucking pressure?
I'm completely canceled.
My friends are thrown in jail.
The DA came to my house with detectives.
They did try to question me.
It didn't go great.
I said, yes, I'd love to talk to you.
Let's get my lawyer.
Let's set up an appointment.
That sounds fantastic.
And then they lost interest.
But go back to her.
Zoom out so we can see her.
Okay, do we want the DMs?
Yeah?
Okay.
Laura Jade.
So she wants to buy y'all some beers, man.
I'm not Antifa.
I don't want to do a gotcha.
I just want to learn more about Tario's influence on the Proud Boys and McKinnis stepping down in 2018, man.
That's all I want to know.
Come on, man.
Come on.
I was vice principal in the Barack Toboggan.
And so you look, you look, these people always leave a digital footprint of themselves.
A journalist, you might not want to smear your rabidly leftist ideology all over the internet and then contact people and pretend to be totally groovy, man.
So buy some fucking beers, dog.
Let me guess.
Childless spinster.
Colostomy bag for strangers come.
No family, no hope of a family.
6 o'clock on PST on a Thursday, which means that it is time to continue our delightful exploration of Andy Noe's horrible book and whether it continues to be horrible.
I don't want to spoil anything, but I've read ahead a little bit and the answer is below.
So we are going to be able to do that.
Wait, go to the interview she had with a bunch of people who milkshaked Andy No.
That's who milkshake Andy No.
They're not sending their best.
He didn't get them poured.
They kept getting accidentally spilled.
Sorry, accidentally spilled.
He was trying to squeeze into a dance party.
And anyway, we'll talk about it.
Yeah, yeah, we'll get there.
They love drinking bourbon, don't they?
That's like, they think they're the chick in Indiana Jones who was having the drinking contest.
That chick from Animal House with the Mongolians.
And then they just get shit-faced after one.
They look like they're in the band of The Beats from Doug.
I'm not familiar with that.
Some beats.
We'll get that reference.
All right, that's enough.
Enough mail.
Look at that.
This is the new, our new look.
Boo-boo's got a brand new look.
Let's jump to the final video.
Pretty fast, huh?
You know what?
I'm going to do something unusual here, Ryan.
We're going to do two final videos, and they're not in the final video section.
So let's start with 5-7.
This is some female cops.
It's one of my favorite subjects: female cops being useless.
And by the way, it's not Indigenous People's Day, it's Columbus Day.
Happy Columbus Day.
I'm a little annoyed that you chose to make, even my wife, who's Indigenous, said, Why didn't you just make it a different day?
That's a real fuck you.
Like, you're really stirring up trouble by making Indigenous Day Columbus Day.
There's 364 other days.
That was, of course, Joe Biden's move.
But this is Christopher Columbus, a man who navigated the globe unheard of back then, just using stars, fucking compasses, some magnets.
Like, you try it with modern technology and get back to me.
And he came to the Caribbean where savages were eating each other.
And he treated them with their same savagery.
Yes, he cut out their tongues when they stole.
That's what you did back then.
That's what they were doing to each other.
They were cutting out each other's tongues and then eating the tongues.
In fact, they were happy when Columbus showed up because they said, can you get these guys to stop eating us, please?
Anyway, it's Columbus Day.
And here we are looking at female cops who are just like the woman in James Bond, not hired for merit.
Look at her.
Perfect.
Stop.
Did you see that?
She was a spectator.
She just went, whoa, that guy.
Somebody call the cops.
Yeah.
That perp's running away.
Oh, look, my partner's chasing him.
Where are you guys going?
You hear an ice cream chocolate show?
Look at her face.
Help, help.
Someone stole my purse.
What?
Oh, geez.
I better get out of the way.
She literally steps back out of the way.
And then this poor bastard has to run at 100 miles an hour.
Okay, let's say 26 miles an hour.
Through the turnstiles.
Oh, ugh.
He wipes out.
Ow.
Ugh.
Gets back up.
Whenever I see fat cops, I just think, you should be fired.
You need to be able to run like this.
You have to be brave and fit.
She's fit and not brave.
Most fat cops are brave and not fit.
They're fat.
Anyway, this resolution looks like Minecraft.
So he gets him.
But here's a better resolution.
This is my female cop friends back in my hometown of Quebec, province of Quebec.
I assume this is in Montreal, but.
Yeah, the guy filming is one of these Haitian immigrants.
He's speaking patois.
Franglish.
Okay, we got him.
We got the perp, boss.
We're good.
Let's just get his hands behind his back.
Oh, he's kind of resisting a little bit.
Wait, I can't get it.
I can't.
I can't.
Hey, hey, hey.
No, I changed my mind.
I don't want to be arrested.
Get off of me, bitch.
I said, get off of me.
God, you're annoying.
Get off.
Fuck it.
Will you stop it?
I said I don't.
Fine, take my jacket.
Bye.
Mike!
Oh!
Look, let's get back in the car.
We've got his coat at least.
Oh, oh, Monsieur Agon.
Monsieur A. Gon.
Oh, wouldn't it be great if they crashed the car?
Left the handcuffs there.
I mean, ladies, what are you doing?
Timothy McVeigh was right.
By the way, if you do read the Unibomber Manifesto, not Timothy McVeigh.
I'm turning into Biden.
Make sure you never say it.
It's like the Unibomber says in his manifesto.
You're just going to have to not give the source whenever you talk about that because it doesn't help your argument.
All right, that's it.
Our new shorter, sleeker shows.
We'll see how this works.
We might go back to long show.
I don't fucking know.
Until tomorrow, get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave and never stop fighting.
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