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Sept. 17, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:58:33

GOML LIVE #115 - RYAN SUCKS

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	That's officially my favorite Nikki Minaj song.
	That's a remix of an Andy hit called Dominoes where she added some rap on top of it.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	Welcome, Maddie Odell.
	Taking care of business every day.
	There was a weird offshoot of the Proud Boys who were trying to make it racist, and I think they called themselves TCB.
	Really?
	They tried to, you know.
	It was originally an Elvis.
	Telvis, yeah.
	We have Ryan Katsu Rivera on the mix today.
	What up, Ryan Guy?
	Yo, yo, yo.
	If the calls suck today, I'm going to murder your wife and cut open her pregnant belly.
	Oh, my lord.
	I'm going to pull out her child.
	Mine child.
	Our.
	What did I say, mine?
	Did I say my child?
	Was that a Freudian slip?
	Oops.
	Better not a Freudian slip.
	She doesn't have a beard.
	And then I'm going to raise it.
	Wow.
	And then I'm going to kill it.
	Oh.
	So it's going to be elaborate.
	If you fuck up to that.
	So it's torture and...
	So you know how it goes on Thursday nights, folks?
	We do free podcasts from 12 to, I'm sorry, from 9 to like 9.30, and then we go behind the paywall.
	Of course, you have to pay the bills for the first part, and then we get really fun and exciting behind the paywall.
	I can't believe you haven't paid for Censored.tv yet.
	10 bucks a month, a beer and a half a month.
	And it's endless, endless content.
	You cannot possibly finish it all.
	When we started this, it was just me doing an hour and a half show, four days a week.
	Now, I do five days a week, two hours a day, and there's limitless shows, endless shows.
	Jacob Wall, Laura Loomer, Cornell Wes, Candace Owens, Roger Stone, Zuby.
	It's basically Wakanda.
	There's so many blacks.
	But this particular episode is brought to you by Drome, the conservative dating app.
	Drome is the place to meet conservative girls.
	These are superficial...
	What?
	Oh, sorry.
	There are superficial face wiping apps, and then there are the quote-unquote expert matching apps.
	Both usually waste your time.
	The solution is values-based matching.
	If you're right-wing, things probably aren't going to work out with someone who's a total lefty.
	Same with religion, lifestyle, how to raise children, and other core conservative values.
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	Drome is also video-only for more human interactions.
	Go to drome.date slash gavin in your phone's browser.
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	That's d-r-om-dote slash gavin drome.
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	You know, I was thinking about this dude.
	His name is John Berger.
	J-O-N-B-I-R-G-E-R.
	And he's an expert.
	He's an old fucking left-wing Jew bag who is obsessed with young people's sex lives.
	And there he is.
	Ugly dude.
	He Zeke hils me.
	He lives in my neighborhood.
	Whenever he sees me, he's Zeke hils me.
	But it's always when I'm with my youngest boy and I can't run and kick his ass.
	And this guy, his area of expertise is young people's sex lives.
	He's written many books, I think two actually, about how young people fuck and how they date and what their dating lives are.
	And this guy, I had a tech place fix my computer, and he found out that they did it for me.
	So his contention is these people are Nazis, right?
	Because they fix Nazis' computers.
	So if you send your computer there, you're giving them all your data.
	You're giving Nazis your data.
	Oh.
	And they'll like get into your bank account and fuck you over.
	So he shut down the place.
	It was run by an immigrant, and he shut down the tech place.
	Jesus Christ.
	What?
	What's wrong with him?
	Fucking...
	So, first of all, he writes about kiddie sex.
	So that's what's fucking wrong with him.
	Yeah.
	Dating.
	How to date?
	What young people, like being into dating, I'm sure dating is a complex thing for 19, 20 year olds.
	But I'm not writing two books about it.
	No.
	The penises of seven-year-olds.
	Who knows what they're up to?
	Research it.
	The woman in Texas about the book the other day.
	What was that?
	The woman in Texas?
	Yeah, she was at the school meeting about the...
	Oh, my God.
	yeah, yeah.
	The kid was 10, and the other kid was sucking his dick, and oh, Jesus Christ.
	The way the left is spinning that, though, is that was just a book available at the library.
	Yeah, bullshit.
	And that's not true.
	That's just a lie.
	He's not written out his reading.
	It was an assignment.
	It was write an erotic passage, a sexual passage that would be an erotic novel that you wouldn't want your mother to read.
	Now rewrite it in a way that you want your mother to read it.
	How sick is that?
	It's just like some wasted Satanist coming up with dumb ideas.
	My name is Craig Schubert.
	I'm the mayor of this city.
	It has come to my attention that your educators are distributing essentially what is child pornography in the classroom.
	I've spoken to a judge this evening.
	She's already confirmed that.
	So I'm going to give you a simple choice.
	You either choose to resign from this Board of Education or you will be charged.
	USSA.
	You choose me.
	Yep.
	Thank you.
	That's when you take a train when you resign out.
	That's badass.
	I can't believe he did that.
	But anyway, the reason...
	Somebody did it.
	What?
	Thank God somebody's doing it.
	I've never seen anything like that, by the way.
	When was the last time you saw a mayor go, you know what?
	You all resign or you're going to fucking jail.
	Yeah.
	You're making kids write adult erotica for.
	It's a classroom assignment.
	How demented is that?
	How sick is that?
	It's so fucked up.
	Didn't you cause quite a stir at your son's high school?
	Yes, yes.
	We're in lockdown for three hours.
	What happened there again?
	They wrote a little article in the paper about it.
	Well, I was texting, my son had left his phone at my house.
	So he received a message from a guidance counselor or social work at school.
	And it said, hey, Dylan, it's so-and-so.
	I just want to know if we're still meeting today.
	So I didn't know unbanozumi.
	I texted back and said, my son left his phone at my house last night.
	You know, he's at school.
	He doesn't have it.
	I'm sure he's going to.
	He goes, no, no, Dylan's not at school.
	He's suspended.
	So I'm like, why are you texting my son asking him if you're still going to meet him?
	Like, where are you supposed to meet him?
	Oh, at the library.
	Like, the public library.
	I'm like, what?
	Like, who are you?
	What is your position at the fucking school?
	So you're getting pedo vibes.
	I'm like, yeah, I'm like, why are you meeting my son who's suspended, not in school, off school property?
	What?
	So then, you know, I started calling the Board of Education and the guy's name was Dr. Wool or something.
	And I was like, you know, everyone there.
	And then the Harrison police came to where I lived.
	And they said, you know, don't go to the school.
	And my nephew at the time was at the high school too.
	And he was like, oh, Uncle Matt, you had the whole school on lockdown for three hours.
	Nobody could leave or come in.
	Well, didn't they put your picture up in your criminal record in the office?
	Yeah, that was the public safety officer in the school.
	Yeah, that was another time.
	That was a different time.
	Yeah, it was two incidents at this high school.
	What was that time?
	I had gotten released from federal prison, and the fusion centers and parole and local police departments get disseminations of information that I'm home, I'm in the community, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	And the youth officer had called my wife earlier in the week, and she called me and said, they called me up and asked me a bunch of weird questions.
	And she basically reiterated the same thing that, you know, our son knows where I was, he knows who I am, you know, but his friends don't need to know, you know, would you please keep this a private matter?
	I don't go to the school.
	But my son comes to me one day.
	He goes, oh, dad, he goes, youth officer had your picture on the wall in the school.
	I'm like, what?
	So then I got a little agitated, and I had to go see my federal parole officer.
	And I had told him that, you know, I was going to go up there and see this officer.
	And he advised me not to.
	And I said, well, I got to do what I got to do.
	So you got to do what you got to do.
	And I told him, I said, I was going to fucking smash him.
	And he goes, oh, you can't tell me that.
	I said, well, then I'm going to blow the world up.
	He goes, well, you can't say that either.
	I said, well.
	And did you?
	No, they locked school down.
	Oh, right, right, right.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Dude, I was at SkyZone today with the kids, my youngest boy and his friend.
	And there was a dude in the bathroom.
	He was like 14.
	And he was like adjusting his hair.
	And he goes, I got mad swag.
	I got killer swag.
	And he's talking to two little boys who are about six.
	And I was going piss.
	And I just thought, that's a weird thing to say to little boys.
	And then these moms come in and they go, are you guys done?
	What's taking you so long?
	To the little boys who are like six or seven.
	And they scoop them out of there.
	And then I'm looking at the dude who was just talking about his swag, who was like fixing his hair in the mirror.
	And then he goes and gets some pizza.
	I don't think he's there with anyone.
	I think he was a fucking young pedophile.
	Maybe what?
	Victims become predators.
	Like, remember when you were 16, right?
	Imagine telling seven-year-olds that you're looking good.
	I'm not.
	It's the farthest thing from your fucking mind.
	Like, when I was 17, little people, kids didn't exist.
	Yeah.
	They were like beetles living life.
	I didn't see them.
	I might stand on one by accident.
	Yeah.
	You're on the hunt for the opposite sex.
	That age.
	Hormones are raging.
	Nita fashions.
	Nice.
	I can't say enough about Nita Fashions.
	The reason I look so good every fucking night on this show is because I'm wearing Nita Fashions.
	This is one of the only nights I'm not wearing Nita Fashions.
	And the reason I'm dressed like this is I just came back from my daughter's birthday dinner in Koreatown in the city, which was delicious.
	$350, by the way.
	You know, I don't want to interrupt the Nita Fashions commercial, but my wife got my daughter this micro corg for her birthday.
	It's the most complicated piece of machinery in the world.
	Like a keyboard?
	It's beyond a nuclear power plant.
	If you pull up an introduction to the microcord, you will not understand one fucking word of this thing.
	And it's like, I was going through our finances this past month.
	My wife is spending money like at levels that would make Flava Flav blush.
	$2,500 a day is not unusual.
	Just like pissing money.
	Pissing money.
	And they're coming, and they are coming at levels that you haven't even seen yet.
	By the hundreds of thousands of people.
	Now, if my daughter, like my daughter's been taking guitar lessons forever, she can't play guitar.
	We had a piano in the house, no one played it.
	We have a keyboard in the house, no one touched it.
	So now she has this in the house.
	And it's like, it's a $500 fucking instrument that is so beyond complicated.
	Play what you're playing there.
	And I know this guy, by the way, because I saw him on YouTube beginner videos today.
	Incredibly rich, detailed soundscapes.
	That's what I said to my wife.
	She's like, well, maybe she can figure it out.
	I go, honey, you could do a soundtrack for Star Wars on this fucking thing.
	It's a fucking movie.
	It's really, really advanced.
	And I'm not sure our daughter is even musically inclined.
	A lot of people that aren't really tactically musically inclined, but they have ideas, this is the perfect entry point for them.
	So there's a lot of things that she's not going to be utilizing at all, but if she just focuses on the basics, you know, that's what I did before I knew how to do any of this stuff.
	And I make some bomb-ass tracks.
	No, all your songs suck.
	They don't.
	Yes, they do.
	No, they don't.
	Yes, they do.
	No, they don't.
	They absolutely do.
	No, they absolutely do.
	All your songs are the worst songs ever made.
	That's not true.
	Okay, play one.
	Everyone's going to projectile vomit.
	Okay.
	We have a couple of different vibes here.
	Here we go, folks.
	This one's called Smoking on a Sunday.
	No, there's no such song called Smoking on a Sunday.
	That's the vibe it's going to be.
	This one is made by all keyboard stuff.
	Oh, that's going to be great.
	What's the woman talking thing?
	It's watch the tram car, please.
	I made a vlog for Wildwood, so I just made the song because I was like, I don't want to keep repeating songs.
	Listen to this slapper.
	It's called Lunge at the Bunch.
	How 80s is he?
	Yeah.
	He has no shame here.
	What do you mean?
	Dude, your musical tastes are an abandoned child who had a single mom in the 80s.
	How about Good Great Fine?
	Listen to this one.
	Whoa, where are we going, guys?
	To shit town.
	No, we're not going to hear horrible music.
	Sounds like the equalizer done by...
	It's the equalizer done by Down syndrome.
	It does kind of sound like the...
	But I have some singy ones, too.
	Oh, God.
	What's the singing one?
	Look up, boy!
	Look behind yourself, Del!
	Is that a song?
	That's you.
	No, it's not.
	Let's hear your singing.
	This one is about...
	Was it up?
	Was it down if I can't understand?
	This is about like Antifa chicks, basically.
	Filthy, unpretty, and not too smart.
	No brains, all heart bleeding, heart, blue, hair.
	A little flat there, right?
	Farts in public and she just don't.
	Jesus.
	Or art thou, fuck her?
	Why must I hate thee?
	Now this part starts slapping around.
	So be good, buckle in your seatbelts.
	Fuck up, fuck that, fuck mom, love school, love Parma John, love what?
	Yes, Parmajon.
	You have pricked my ears today.
	Dude, that was actually so ballsy for you to play the gayest song I've ever heard in my life.
	Did you hear the...
	Now you haven't heard the Dire Straits Like Solo.
	No, no, go back to like, fuck this, fuck that, fuck smart.
	Dude, that's so embarrassing.
	How do you get Parmesan in this?
	Wow.
	Because she loves Parmesan.
	You know when you have a cold shower and you sort of feel like cleansed?
	I've been washed over with your gayness.
	Brian, you have hurt me today.
	That was embarrassing.
	I'm not embarrassed.
	I think that rules.
	I took creative choices.
	Wow.
	That's the gayest music I've ever heard.
	It's literally not.
	I got, and there's plenty more.
	Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there is.
	Just go to my, my, no, you can go to YouTube.
	You can go to YouTube Music.
	You can go to Apple Music.
	Jesus.
	SoundCloud.
	Anyway, get back to Nita Fashions.
	So NitaFashions, NitaFashions.com.
	Contact them on Instagram.
	They will set you up with a new look.
	They will, they used to go to hotel rooms and they'd measure everyone and then we'd then make you shirts and suits and shit.
	But now they do it online.
	And that's who I use.
	That's why I look so sartorial because I use these guys.
	And they, you know what's great about them too is they, when they're getting clients from our show, they interview them about the show.
	And they say things like, we want more things about Gavin's theology, Gavin's faith.
	We want to hear more about sit-down interviews, shit like that.
	But Nita Fashions is a great way to have a perfectly tailored suit, shirt, pants for an affordable price.
	I've always said It's for cheap, rich guys.
	And that's how I heard about it.
	When I was at Fox News, the producers there would be like, You've got to meet me at Nita Fashions.
	We're doing a thing on Thursday.
	Go there.
	They'll measure you at the hotel.
	And I know that dude personally, by the way, that's the guy.
	And we'll set you up.
	And it's great too.
	Once they get your sort of blueprint, you can start looking at swaths and getting new shirts, new suits, new ideas.
	And when you get fat, as you're wont to do, they let out your pants.
	So it's fucking awesome, dude.
	Get one suit.
	Get a suit for funerals.
	Get a suit for job interviews.
	If you're blue collar and you never wear suits, you need one suit that fits you perfectly.
	And you look so professional when you show up at the event and your top button isn't undone.
	And it's like, wow, this guy's always in Carhartt overalls.
	But now that our sister died, he looks fucking amazing.
	Yeah, because he has his shit together.
	Because he contacted Nita Fashions.
	This nigga is asshole.
	Not anymore.
	Not with Nita Fashions.
	When I lose 20 more pounds and I'm down to 185, I'm going to buy me a suit from Nita Fashions.
	I'll buy you a suit.
	There we go.
	185.
	So you were supposed to be dead this episode.
	No.
	I'm going to Skype from the hospital next week because I'll be recovering.
	Okay.
	I felt bad for you when you described this behind us, but I've been talking to people since, and they go, it's actually just like having a wisdom teeth pulled.
	I don't know about that.
	They go, it's not that crazy.
	Well, I've had the cameras go up through there, but I've never had the burning of the inside of the heart.
	But yeah, it's not a big deal, apparently.
	You're going to live.
	Oh, I plan on it.
	Good news.
	So we are going to dip into letters.
	We're five minutes away from Letters Town.
	But before we do that, we should probably explain what's been going on this past 24 hours.
	Anthony Cumia raped me.
	No.
	Okay, I thought we were going to do that again.
	You just bailed me.
	I actually have a thing to say.
	That's amazing.
	Yeah, look up the microcorg.
	Like my wife was almost in tears.
	My wife is such a Midwesterner.
	Forget the Indian shit.
	That's irrelevant.
	She's a Midwesterner and she hates conflict.
	So the fact that I was mad about the microcorg, she's like, should you be coming to dinner with us?
	Because I'm sick, right?
	She's like, you're sick.
	You're a bummer.
	You're being too negative.
	And then my fucking daughter, we're driving through the city and she sees Beacon Hill High School.
	And she goes, oh my God, Beacon Hill High School.
	That's my friend's school.
	From camp, that's my friend's school.
	So I obviously go, shut the fuck up.
	What are you doing?
	It's your friend's school?
	Be quiet.
	Calm down.
	And then my wife is like, I can tell she's crying because I told my daughter to shut the fuck up.
	Now, I wouldn't tell my daughter to shut the fuck up.
	She went, oh, what the?
	Beacon High School.
	That's my friend's school.
	She was screaming at the top of her lungs.
	So I got annoyed.
	Now, look up microcorg, like for beginners.
	This is what I was doing all morning.
	And I hate how so much of the presents my wife buys for my kids are homework assignments for me.
	Okay, this is going to be really easy.
	By the way, first of all, first of all, first of all, why isn't the whole fucking thing in the shot?
	Why are you in the top corner?
	As fast as possible.
	Patch Bank.
	You have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight patch banks here.
	I don't know what a patch bank is.
	What's that mean?
	So right now, you can ignore these bank titles.
	What?
	Whatever.
	And then when you're in a bank, you can push these program numbers down and switch between different patches.
	What are patches?
	Sounds.
	Okay.
	So you have eight sounds per whatever, knob turn.
	You know, like it says trance, whatever.
	You could ignore those and you could make those banks different things.
	And there's eight patches per bank.
	So are those pre-programmed or is that like...
	You could program them, I'm sure, but they're pre-programmed out the box.
	Okay.
	So these are the A patches under trance.
	Oh, and then there's a B side.
	So there's 16, actually.
	Yeah, I can go to the B patches.
	So under this trance or bank one, you have A 8A and 8B.
	Is everyone as lost as me right now?
	No, I get it.
	Hey, look, you can make a song right now.
	So look.
	You know, the sad thing about these tools is that the only people smart enough to figure out how they work are retarded and make shitty music.
	But then there's me, too.
	Exactly.
	And then I'm worried my daughter thinks that I think she's stupid.
	And I'm like, no, I don't think you're stupid.
	No one can figure this out.
	Go back to that instructional video.
	Train.
	Train.
	All right.
	Simple stuff.
	Simple.
	Let's look at up here.
	Okay.
	I know what's going on.
	Look at that chart.
	Those are effects.
	That is an encyclopedia of terms.
	Get into talking.
	For a 15-year-old girl.
	Okay, but it looks like, see where it says synth?
	That's only that many.
	For vocorder, you got a bunch of shit.
	So that's good.
	Because the vocorder you don't use too much modification dials.
	Let's look at these five dials up here.
	And if both these lights are on, it means you're in play or performance mode.
	I forget what it's called.
	It doesn't really matter.
	But it means that these dials up here are going to be the cutoff, Renaissance, EG attack, EG release, and temple.
	It's resonance.
	He said renaissance.
	And have nothing to do with what's under them here.
	Okay.
	Okay, so what he explained, those are different characteristics of those sounds.
	So like if you were to go in here, this has a very similar thing.
	You pick one of these things.
	See, the cutoff resonance.
	You're explaining Chinese to me, and Chinese is retarded.
	See, cut off, what it does, it goes or it lets it rock.
	But you can cut it off, make it more staccato.
	So you're going to play with that a lot.
	Resonance, it's pretty easy.
	Why did my daughter get this for her birthday?
	It's fucking stupid.
	It's a waste of time.
	Kick a little cash my way.
	I got some lessons.
	I could probably impart some knowledge.
	You know how to work a micro core?
	Well, I have a similar thing, yeah.
	I have a, it's not as cool.
	Mine is very limited, but it's the same.
	It's a MIDI controller.
	Why does my daughter have something better than your retarded shit?
	Because her parents, my wife spoils her.
	That's true.
	We spent $2,500 a day this month.
	My family's just hemorrhaging cash.
	I cannot.
	It cannot continue.
	It's insane.
	She makes beats and sells beats.
	That's very lucrative.
	No, it's not.
	Fuck it.
	Selling beats?
	Jesus Christ.
	Tactical Walls is a veteran-owned, operated, and tactical walls.
	It's designed to store and secure firearms.
	But really, you can hide anything in there.
	We, our office, our studio is replete with tactical walls.
	Now, we can't have guns because we're in New York, so we decorate our tactical walls with motorcycle helmets, jackets, bric-a-brac.
	Baseball bats.
	Baseball bats.
	I wish we lived in a place where you live where you could have fucking tons of guns.
	But guns, grandma's prescriptions, heels and sunglasses, whips and chains, hide it all with tactical walls.
	Right now, our loyaledcensor.tv subscribers get 15% off all orders of tactical walls.
	Just use promo code Gavin15.
	Support veteran-owned business who support us.
	TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin15.
	Now, we've had Tim at Tactical Walls on the show.
	Yeah.
	It didn't go great.
	There we go.
	Ryan has done a terrible job of his tactical walls.
	And that's the great thing about Tactical Walls.
	You can make it look awesome like this we see here, this mod wall, or you can make it look terrible like Ryan's thing where he has like a random mug and Billy Harmon?
	Billy, what's his name?
	Billy Bologna from fucking Peewee's Playhouse.
	Just shockingly bad.
	So Ryan's failed, as he's wont to do.
	But you don't have to fail.
	When you do your tactical walls, it will look awesome.
	And I've seen guys who collect guns, and I've seen the handguns and the boop, boop, boop, boop, boop things with the AR-15s and the rifles and the shotguns all lining up.
	It's fucking beautiful, man.
	Why buy guns if you're not willing to display them beautifully?
	And that's what Tactical Walls does.
	All right.
	We are going behind the paywall now.
	We've had enough of you.
	And that's that.
	There's some vids, too, if you're interested.
	Tons of fucking stuff that will help you out.
	No, thanks.
	So we're going to read a bunch of letters and hang out for the next hour and a half.
	And we like you more than a friend.
	And thanks for tuning in.
	Goodbye.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	How was your day today, Maddie?
	I was alright.
	Went to work for a half day.
	Just ran around, took care of a few things.
	Had a doctor's appointment this afternoon.
	Got two tomorrow.
	When's your heart operation?
	Wednesday.
	Tomorrow's a CAT scan and COVID test.
	Pre-op procedures.
	I did a COVID test yesterday because I've been feeling like shit since Monday.
	They barely touched my nose.
	I go, can we just do the front of the nose?
	And they go, yeah, that's what we do here.
	And they go, we don't need brain particles.
	Right.
	Do other places literally need brain particles?
	Because it seems like they fucking dig in your brain.
	Yeah, I've actually heard that it does serious sinus damage, like permanent sinus damage.
	Yeah.
	I fucking hate it so much.
	I swear to God, I'd rather have Maddie Odell put his finger up my ass than have that Q-tip go into the brain again.
	And every time you do it, you go, I'm never doing that again.
	That's the last time.
	And then you do it again.
	But this one was just like this.
	She went like that.
	It was great.
	You actually liked it.
	I didn't give a shit.
	And then, you know what was cool?
	I went to John Sullivan's across from Cumia's studio.
	And I go, I'd like a bourbon, please.
	And some dude, random dude, looked like Gavin Newsome.
	He's like, I am Beyond Angry.
	And he paid for my drinks.
	Wow.
	Nice.
	Yeah, he was a big fan.
	Not a big fan, whatever that means.
	He knew all the shit in the show.
	He loved I Am Beyond Angry.
	We talked for about half an hour about that guy, I Am Beyond Angry, and his beef.
	His beef is the lack of wheelchair access in Portland, which I assume is the best in the world.
	It should be like, are there more fucking ramps than Portland, Oregon?
	I am your you.
	Remember at the airport the guy recognized?
	Yeah, yeah.
	You and then me afterward.
	And I was like, what's your favorite BERT?
	And he was like, oh, the BERT, which is the bald eagle.
	All right.
	So now we're talking.
	That's amazing how many people subscribe to this network.
	But you've got to keep playing those fucking drops.
	I feel like you've been sparing recently.
	Yeah.
	Because little kids, like my friends, our baby monster sons will be like, I am beyond angry.
	When they're like three.
	Come on, man.
	That's the audience to me when I don't play enough.
	You know, we have new bumpers, by the way.
	We have a good news intro.
	We have a new racism intro I have not seen.
	We have another War on Kids one.
	So this is good news.
	Remember, it was the newest bit.
	Check it out.
	On the more pleasant mood, the good news is.
	I'm going to go.
	Congratulations.
	Sorry to keep you waiting.
	I cheer up for happy bits.
	People eat animal dicks and jump out of helicopters.
	I'm going to cry now.
	I'm thinking about it.
	That was amazing.
	That's great.
	I love that font.
	Yeah.
	The wiggly, squiggly font.
	Yeah.
	No, not this wiggly squigglyness of it.
	That's a filter, but I like the original font.
	Okay, what else do we got?
	Racism.
	I'm a black female.
	What other different...
	What else could I have done to piss you off?
	Black woman?
	This is really inconvenient.
	That guy, he did that song, that DJ, to fight racism.
	Was that a green screen, or was he really on the top of the Freedom Tower?
	No, he was not.
	I doubt it.
	I don't know, dude.
	Was it TS though?
	Europeans are painfully corny.
	George Flores.
	Yes.
	They are.
	So that's all we have for the motion?
	We have one more.
	This is the war on kids.
	This is V2.
	So I believe it's from the same guy who did the education one.
	Could be wrong.
	Hello, fam.
	I had a text page up right.
	Who wants to pamp my bag?
	We are living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.
	Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrine.
	Fun your feet!
	Fuck your feet!
	Damn.
	Yeah, I think this show should start focusing on kids.
	I think this is a new angle here.
	It's the kids' show.
	Gotta save them.
	What?
	Gotta save them from the left.
	Let's see.
	Transgender story timeout.
	I mean, you have some fucking dumb tranny doing some dumb shit.
	That doesn't mean anything unless they're teachers.
	Look at this.
	That looks kind of real.
	No, that's real.
	No, that looks real.
	I was just there.
	I knew we were going to do it.
	Is he on the Freedom Town?
	Huh?
	No, that's David Guetta.
	He might have been on top.
	He's a pretty famous DJ.
	Yeah, he was David Getta.
	He was one nomad at the Korean restaurant there.
	No, that's real, dude.
	That's not crazy.
	He has enough clouts.
	He's fighting racism at the top of New York.
	They used to fly him into Ibeza to play for the weekend.
	Freedom Tower's back there.
	So he's too close to the Empire State, I was going to say.
	There we go.
	He's actually uptown, isn't he?
	Yeah, because there's the west side.
	Yeah, he's uptown.
	He's above.
	No, I think Koreatown would be down here, closer to the Empire State.
	So what do you think he's up at?
	50-somethingeth.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, 50-somethingeth street.
	I'm sure they'll be.
	I gotta say it here.
	Imagine Trump Tower.
	Fucking dork.
	It's like, ooh, I didn't mean to do that.
	I don't know.
	Okay.
	You should do the segue.
	Oh, yes.
	Say, Ryan, shut up.
	By the way, great Mets documentary on ESPN.
	We're taking calls or doing it.
	Started in Queens.
	What?
	Doing calls or mail?
	Calls.
	Oh, yeah, calls.
	Sorry.
	Okay.
	You are on air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	Understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Maddie's right.
	I don't know why I thought we were answering mail.
	Might be because I'm drunk.
	All right, so Matt, you got yours clicked on?
	I'm going to click it on right now.
	All right, a lot of pressure on RyGuy.
	He has a baby coming.
	I am going to fire him if this does not work today.
	And he will be unemployed.
	If I were you, I would have been here all day today.
	But you decided video games and guitar were more important.
	Untrue?
	We did a few practice runs.
	What did you do today?
	Yes, we did.
	I did a lot of things that I had to do, frankly.
	I worked out.
	Oh, okay.
	Very important to me.
	Important.
	Important to me.
	And I thought I had that cold as well.
	And maybe I did.
	Maybe I didn't.
	I think it was because of the vape.
	I had a new vape.
	And I had a coil that was very strong, so I had to switch that out.
	This cold sounds like that.
	I had a bronchitis type thing.
	You have a ski boot in your head.
	No.
	I just had the bronchitis type thing, but I was coughing in the middle of the night, and then I hacked up in the morning a chunk of green, and then it was red blood.
	And I was like, that's bad.
	After that, totally fine.
	Stopped hitting the vape.
	I prayed.
	I was like, God, please, you know, I know, you know, whatever's going to happen is going to happen.
	Imagine you're God, you create the universe, and you get a call from Ryan Catsu Rivera.
	Hey, man, my new vape makes me bleed.
	No, it wasn't that serious.
	You're like, dude, I fucking can't help you.
	It was just, you know, like, you know, leave me.
	I'm in Africa right now.
	Yeah.
	They're fucking babies to cure AIDS.
	Yeah, but they're African.
	I can't help.
	I can't deal with this shit right now.
	It's like when the Prowboys called me from, I don't know, Cleveland.
	They're like, we were at a meetup last night and some dude put a fucking rubber ducky up his ass.
	Okay.
	What would you like me to do?
	Pull it out?
	Fly down there and remove it.
	Yeah, goodbye.
	Rubber ducky, you're the one.
	Okay.
	Everything is looking kosh.
	Now, the one thing we did see is echoing from the caller when he called in.
	We stopped it and signed back to the bank.
	Brian, don't brag until you've been successful.
	Not bragging.
	I'm not bragging.
	It's a number one rule.
	I'm looking at everything, making sure we got men's fashion.
	This man is calling into us.
	What's up, men's?
	Gavin, did you know that you are gay?
	Ouch.
	I did not know that.
	I'm open to it.
	Okay.
	Well, so you have a lot of very strict fashion rules for men.
	Yep.
	And as a young man leaving college, I don't know how not to dress like a frat boy or like I'm going to play basketball at the YMCA.
	And I think it would be cool to do a special or like a censored where you go through how you should dress at every age.
	Because one of the problems is I want to wear a suit and dress up, but if you are my age or Ryan's age and you wear a suit every day, you kind of look like a clown.
	You pull off better if you're older.
	Of course.
	Have you bought my book Street Boners?
	You need to buy my book Street Boners.
	We cover this in Street Boners.
	How old are you?
	I'm 22.
	What?
	22.
	Oh, I thought I said 42.
	22.
	And where do you live?
	Jacksonville, Florida.
	Okay, so it gets hot there.
	So that's a tough one.
	I've always said once it's over 84 degrees, all bets are off.
	There can be no rules.
	Whatever makes you feel comfortable, you're in a fucking oven.
	But yeah, you gotta get away from flip-flops and cargo shorts.
	Maybe wear low-cut chucks and gay shorts, short shorts, and Brooks Brothers polos.
	I don't know, dude.
	You're in a tough area as far as...
	Yeah, well, that's what I wear right now.
	That's just like, that's classic frat dress.
	You know, I was just thinking today, not to get too gay, and I don't think this applies to you, but my winter outfit is going to be so breathtakingly gorgeous that Maddie Odell is going to have to go to de-homosexual classes.
	I'm going to be so enamored by it.
	I'm just going to be attracted to you.
	You're going to fucking melt.
	I got this hat on oldhats.com.
	It's a Budweiser hat that's blue corduroy.
	Nice.
	Yeah, oldhats.com.
	Look that up.
	And thanks for calling, by the way.
	So I got that hat.
	And then I'm going to go on to Pendleton.
	I'm going to get their vest they have.
	It's all very expensive shit over there.
	Yeah, it is.
	But it's quality.
	Quality.
	Old school hats.
	Look up fucking Budweiser.
	The Budweiser hat I have coming any day now is going to make you jizz yourself.
	That's gross.
	A lot of their hats are great, by the way.
	Just go Bud.
	Bud Weiser.
	No, it's none of those.
	Get out of here, clicker.
	Dude, your internet is brutal.
	Let's see.
	Ah, dude, it's fucking brutal.
	Anyway, you got the idea.
	And then Pendleton Vest.
	Is it a cap or is it like a fedora style or a bucket?
	No, it's a normal baseball hat, but blue corduroy.
	There it is.
	There it is.
	This one?
	Bud King of Beers.
	Oh, this one.
	Yeah.
	You know, it does say purple, but that's okay.
	That's going to be my fucking hat, bro.
	Damn.
	Look at the double cording on that shit.
	That might be blue.
	Wait, that might not be that.
	The hat I'm talking about is blue corduroy.
	That's not blue corduroy.
	Oh, it's not corduroy.
	Oh, no, it's not blue corduroy.
	Anyway, you get the vibe.
	So that hat, beard, long hair, Pendleton shirt, which are very, wildly expensive.
	But they have these zigzaggy shirts.
	And then my wife goes, no, you can't do that.
	My look this winter is going to be Pendleton.
	Looks like we're Pendleton.
	And I'm like, we don't hang out.
	You go to your things.
	I go to my bar.
	I haven't seen you in weeks.
	Like, we went to our daughter's.
	I'm going to get that fucking snap front, right?
	But keep scrolling down.
	And this is where Maddie's going to start getting wet.
	Keep going, keep going, keep going.
	Is that the one you had with the elbow patches on it, the flannel that you gave to Ryan?
	Those are all like normal, cheap, fucking reasonable shirts.
	These are the next level, super expensive shirts.
	Next level.
	Yeah.
	Like $300,000, $400 a shirt.
	Yeah.
	Holy shit.
	Well, I spent that at my fucking daughter's bullshit dinner tonight.
	But wait.
	Holy shit.
	But wait, find the shirt, the zigzaggy shirt.
	Okay.
	Looking under men's wool shirts.
	Shirts.
	I don't know.
	Wool shirts.
	Yeah, wool shirts.
	Dude, I'm wearing a blue Budweiser hat, and I have keep going.
	Keep going, keep going, keep going.
	There it is.
	On the left?
	Yeah.
	On the left.
	Okay.
	And it's blue?
	No, no, the other one.
	The other one.
	This one?
	The other side.
	Oh, okay.
	That's the right one.
	There we go.
	This one.
	Yes.
	Shed head.
	Yeah, but there's this and this.
	Okay, it doesn't matter, Ryan.
	Just click on it.
	So you're wearing like a vest, and then you have that shirt, and then you have a blue corduroy Budweiser hat.
	I mean, I might rape me.
	And I wear red wings that I've had resold five times.
	So they're super broken in, but the soles are brand new.
	I mean, what the fuck?
	That's what I'm in a mortar for right now, is a new pair of boots.
	Dude, red wings.
	Black red wings.
	They're the greatest shoes of all time.
	I've actually had mine so long that I don't like them anymore because my feet sort of come out on the side and they step in the snow.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	He likes it.
	Anyway, I'm going to be so fucking sexy this winter.
	You guys are going to fucking jizz your pussies.
	Let's take a call.
	Hell yeah.
	Logan.
	Yo, what's happening, boys?
	What up?
	Yo, what's up?
	Yo, so I'm going to make this really quick because I know, Gavin, you get pissy when people do more than one thing.
	So the first question I have for you is, what was your experience like in Thailand?
	Because I know you sort of briefly mentioned that you did English there for a little while.
	If I remember correctly, you sort of Taiwan, okay.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I wonder if you could sort of elaborate, you know, your experience there as a white guy doing that whole thing.
	Well, this is all in my hit book, Death of Cool.
	But yeah, it was a fucking weird experience because it's a completely different universe.
	They don't have the same ups and downs as us.
	They don't have the same standards as us.
	They don't give a shit about life.
	And that's why I think it's funny that China is like, we're going to take over Taiwan.
	It's not a separate country.
	And I'm like, yeah, it is basically the same.
	You guys feel the same about everything.
	But why do you care about Taiwan?
	No, actually, I misunderstood it.
	My stupid ass about you said Thailand, which happens to be like the ladyboy land.
	So I was like, maybe he's got some like ladyboy stories he hasn't sourced or something.
	Yeah, there's no ladyboy stories.
	Thanks for calling.
	Next call.
	We have Mongols in Vegas.
	I guess that's what this is.
	541, mainline.
	Hey, what's up, boys?
	Hey, what's up, dude?
	What's going on?
	What's up, man?
	Hey, so you very topical call-in tonight.
	First thing, the I Beyond Angry little creature, I went to Vegas a couple weeks ago, so I had to go downtown Portland to get some new Super Gay Shorts Strawberry Bowls.
	And that little creature hangs out around Foxtower, downtown Portland.
	Wait a minute.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Stop the press.
	You met a drop?
	You are familiar with a human drop?
	Wait a minute.
	Wait a minute.
	He looks like if Kirby and a garbage pail kid had a baby.
	That's really fucking true.
	You came across I Am Beyond Angry?
	Yeah, so dude, he's got a little spot down there with him and his, I'll call it his cadre.
	And they're down there probably, well, I don't go down downtown Portland very often, but the last like two times I've been down there, they hang it around Fox Tower because there's a bunch of construction going on down there, so they can't kick him off the sidewalk.
	So he just sits there being beyond angry all day.
	Dude, he's got his little sign and his little water bottle and his little chase.
	I think he's got like a little colostomy bag, too, I think.
	But what's his sign say?
	His sign talks about whatever is currently in the news in Portland.
	So if it's like, fucking, pigeons aren't getting fed down at the waterfront or like, don't make us clean up our needles, he's got a sign for the day.
	So next time I go down there, if I see him, I'll take a picture and I'll send it to you.
	Yeah, I'd love that.
	Boy, that'd be great.
	So it made me think about it.
	So Maddie, so I went down there, bought my super gay board shorts, then went to Vegas like two weeks ago, three weeks ago, and was at the MGM pool.
	And we're floating around there in the Blaze River, and come around a corner, and there's some big old boys.
	And this guy stands up out of the water, and he has a Mongols Nation tattoo across his back.
	Back patch.
	And I stop all my boys.
	I'm like, hey, fucking avoid that dude at all of us.
	If we just got normal guys out drinking civilians?
	Yeah, stay away from the civilian.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, no, no, no.
	So it's super funny.
	So we float around four or five more times, and they're actually pretty cool.
	Like they're cheers and beers with guys.
	And then probably about an hour into it, this blonde dip shit goes, the guy standing, he's got his back to everybody.
	He goes, hey, Genghis, gone, sweet tattoo.
	And I almost shit my pants because I'm like, oh, you don't know who you're talking to.
	And they were actually super cool to the guy.
	And he puts his arm around him, like brings him into the little circle of death.
	And the guy proceeds to just get out of the pool and leave.
	And we don't see him the whole rest of the time.
	And we come back around, and he's got like six buckets of beers for the dude.
	So who knows what he said to him?
	But God bless those guys for having that much scary power.
	Yeah.
	But yeah.
	So anyway, and Maddie, your surgery.
	So my best friend is a cardiologist.
	This guy's got a lot to contribute to this call.
	We're like fourth wave of input here.
	Well, I'm sorry, dude.
	You let me talk.
	I mean, you can say have a nice call, and I'll stop talking.
	But anyway, you got nothing to worry about.
	You got nothing to worry about.
	My buddy's a cardiologist.
	We watched the show last week, and he's like, dude, it's so routine.
	It's not even funny.
	He did say, stop being a fat piece of shit, though.
	Keep losing weight.
	And you're not going to die before the age of, you know, your next birthday.
	So anyway, guys.
	All right.
	Thanks.
	Come on.
	Thank you.
	Love you, boys.
	Fat piece of shit.
	You're not really a fat piece of shit.
	I've lost 30 pounds.
	Yeah, you're good.
	If you look at my first.
	You look pretty slim to me.
	If you look at my first free speech I did with you at the duck.
	Yeah.
	And then you look at me now, you basically have a chin now.
	Yeah, I'm starting to get my neck structure back.
	Fat piece of shit.
	I was.
	I love the way people talk to people.
	Hey, man, stop being a huge piece of shit that everyone wants to puke when they look at.
	He has to be nice to the Mongols guy because he was in person there.
	But Matt's far away.
	Is it the Mongols or the Pagans or the Banditos where if you say something remotely negative about them?
	Well, that's any club.
	If you disparage the club, they're going to try to.
	But in that situation there, I mean, I know in the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club, if the guy's been in the club, you have to be in the club for a certain amount of time before you can get a full back patch.
	So the guy had been, obviously, in the Mongols for a while.
	I don't know if that's the same rules for them, but I'm sure they're similar.
	But the Mongols are disproportionately obsessed with someone saying something bad about them.
	Well, most clubs are.
	Really?
	Now, there's the thing.
	The Mongols and Hell's Angels all have had problems in casinos in Nevada.
	Like in 2002, they had the big shootout with the Laughlin River Run, and it's a big shootout.
	What was that based on?
	Hells Angels and Mongols met up in Harris Casino.
	And they started talking.
	And other Hells Angels came, and it just kicked off.
	And three people got killed.
	It was a big shootout in Texas.
	I know, I remember it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it was like $3 million.
	Legal fees.
	Usually.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But why did it kick off?
	Like, why can't these fucking biker clubs unite?
	Most people don't even know why.
	They dominate the new membership political conversation.
	Most new members don't know why.
	It's just because they've been told, oh, they're their enemies, that we hate each other and rockies.
	It's all bullshit.
	I mean, killing each other in public places is bad for everybody.
	It brings the heat on everyone.
	If biker clubs united, they would be a bigger force than, I don't know, if they all got together, they would be definitely a force to reckon with.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, there's bad apples in every group, and some people don't want to let old things die.
	Well, here's the inherent problem.
	If you're attracted to a biker club, you like conflict.
	You're a tough guy.
	Right.
	And so you want to...
	You're not into cool.
	You're not the whole mysticism and romantic side of being the outlaw, the women.
	There's always that, I don't know, they say qua.
	People are intrigued by it.
	They sequa.
	And, you know, they're enamored by it.
	They want to know more about it.
	They want to hang out in the fringes.
	But, you know, we used to say, I used to tell people all the time, yo, if you hang out with the junkyard dog long enough, you're going to get bit.
	So they don't want unity.
	They don't want peace.
	Right.
	They'd rather be left alone.
	That's what brought them to club in the first place.
	Right.
	There comes a certain, I don't want to say celebrity with it, but it does.
	People want to come up.
	People get stupid.
	When people get drunk, they want to see how tough you are.
	All sorts of stuff.
	All movements need faggots like me to get in there and say, look, let's be friends.
	Can we just talk?
	Even the Prowboys at Westfest this weekend, there was two separate groups.
	And I'm like, what the fuck?
	Why are there two separate groups here?
	Why are half of you going to Anthony Coomi's thing and half of you renting a house down the street?
	And they started explaining it to me.
	And the explanation was so fucking retarded.
	It was like, look, here's the deal.
	So I got accused of doxing another Prowboy.
	But what I was doing was they said, he said that he was a mortician.
	And if you're a mortician, you're registered as a mortician.
	So I looked him up and his wife was registered as a mortician.
	Shut up, Janet.
	But he wasn't.
	And so he kept pushing himself as a mortician.
	He's fucking lying, dude.
	And I'm like, okay.
	So someone was dishonest about their job.
	I don't fucking care.
	This is why there's a coup?
	This is why there's a split.
	This is the big division.
	Well, lying is an automatic kickout in Hell's Angels, too.
	Great.
	Because if you lie about something, the reasoning behind it is if you lie about something as frivolous as that, when something happens, that's, you know, you can't be trusted.
	And I don't think it's a good question.
	That's a good point, actually.
	Yeah.
	If you're going to lie about something that's so irrelevant and so, like, look, my wife owns, she's a mortician.
	We own a funeral home.
	I go in there and I do the work too, but I'm not a licensed mortician.
	That kind of explains it a little better.
	But to say that you're a licensed and registered mortician, then you're developing and you're alive.
	Big chim.
	Okay, I think it's time for me to come clean.
	Uh-oh.
	And I'm not happy about this.
	I'm saying this on the show live.
	I want this to be on record.
	I was never in Iraq.
	I didn't sign up for shit.
	I was never arrested for a DUI after coming back from Iraq.
	That's a lie.
	I'm ashamed of that, too.
	When I went to jail, I did not beat the shit out of six black dudes.
	That's a lie.
	And it's a lie I'm not proud of.
	Arnold Schwarzenegger did not see me beat up those black dudes.
	He was not in the jail at the time.
	As you may have guessed, he could afford bail.
	He would not be hanging out at random prisons in San Bernardino.
	Furthermore, I did not go to his dojo.
	Arnold Schwarzenegger does not have a dojo.
	He does not have any kind of a training camp for conflict.
	Furthermore, if you can believe there's another furthermore, at the bar I work at as a bartender, two men did not appear with shotguns in hand.
	And I did not disarm them and beat the shit out of them with their own guns and then tell them they have to leave now or forever hold their peace.
	So I've been dishonest with you.
	But I did lose my car during Ida.
	And I would appreciate anything you can do to get me a new car.
	I need $5,000.
	We are up to $1,500.
	And $56.
	We're getting there.
	And I think if you keep believing in yourselves and in me, we could get there.
	Can you show the GoFundMe, Ryan?
	Of course I can.
	Anything for somebody who's so upfront and honest and apologetic.
	But Gavin, I think you're confusing yourself with Joseph Tonelli.
	Nope.
	You are Joe Tonelli?
	He is.
	I am Joe Tonelli.
	You'll notice I have to do this.
	You've never seen us in the same room.
	There is the Joe.
	The greatest lie that has ever been told, I think there's a thing called the big lie with the noise.
	127.
	And they talk about the big lie.
	The greatest lie that has ever been told, Joe Tonelli told.
	And he said, I am seeing a therapist to deal with my lies.
	Yeah.
	Because I lie too much.
	And that was a lie.
	That is in the Smithsonian as the greatest lie ever told.
	He is the king of liars.
	I am going to lie therapy.
	Look at him.
	He's a monkey.
	He's a monkey.
	He's a cute, adorable monkey.
	Well, are we serious?
	What are we doing this now?
	Oh, really?
	Oh, really?
	Between that and the shitting himself and lying about.
	Constantly shitting his pants.
	That doesn't make sense.
	I went into the bathroom.
	Covered in shit.
	And I seen two shit painted on the wall.
	What?
	I went in the bathroom the other day.
	It was like two shit drops on the wall.
	I said, oh, my God.
	No fucking way.
	On the wall, there's shit drops on the wall.
	Between the toilet and this fucking wall.
	That doesn't happen.
	People don't do that.
	I'm taking a picture of the urinal, and I look over and I'm like, I am the anus of a 70-year-old gay man who grew up in studio 54.
	My anus is a mess.
	I've never left like turds on walls.
	Why are there turds on the wall?
	Dude, you know what you should do?
	I think, is that you put poop on the walls, you blame him, and then has he ever come forward about, like, has he ever been honest?
	He has literally...
	Has he ever admitted it?
	He's ever been honest in his life about anything that's closest to the wall.
	He has left piles of shit.
	Wait a minute.
	Jesus Christ.
	Matty.
	Hold on a second.
	I have an idea, though.
	What are you talking about?
	So there's pellets of poo on the walls?
	It's like smear marks.
	What do you mean smear marks?
	Like two drops of diarrhea shit hit the wall.
	Where?
	In against between the toilet and the wall where it's like only a little space.
	What height?
	Below the toilet.
	Oh, okay.
	So six inches.
	Six to eight, six to ten inches.
	Is it smeared by the hand?
	No, it looks like drops.
	So it's a explosion from an anus.
	Yes.
	And so it's dripping down.
	Yes.
	Has a downward trajectory.
	I had to get the forensics out, you know.
	Shit.
	Blood droplets.
	Yeah.
	There's shit everywhere!
	Damn it!
	But he's also shit in that side of the toilet.
	And it's been there for days.
	I'm like, what the fuck is that spell?
	And I looked over there and it was a pile of shit.
	Look what he did.
	He shit all!
	I sent you pictures of it.
	Recently?
	No, probably six, seven months ago.
	Wow.
	So my idea.
	Remember one time he shit on top of the back of the toilet?
	Yeah, that took me six months to solve.
	Yeah.
	But you knew.
	He shit on the side of the toilet.
	What do you mean side of it?
	On the floor?
	Because you knew it was him, but you meant like, how did it happen?
	He had shit all over his face.
	So you have the perfect.
	The question was, and it was like a Rubik's Cube.
	I would look at it for hours every day.
	If you look in your pictures that I've sent you, it's probably in there.
	You can get him to admit it was him if you shit or put shit on the walls and you blame him for it.
	And then he's like, no, no, no, I didn't do that one.
	I did the other ones.
	I didn't do that one.
	No, bullshit.
	Maybe then you can.
	Okay, I'm going to send this to you and you can.
	Oh, man.
	You can try to figure this out on your own time.
	But I spent hundreds of hours.
	Like, remember in the 9-11 episodes, I was like, it took me 10 years to realize my friend Derek was lying about how his mom was doing photocopies that day.
	And then 20 years later, I realized that my friend Sprague was lying about how he's piling body parts onto pallets before the towers collapsed.
	How did you deke out the towers collapsing?
	So this is what was going on at the bar.
	Now, here's my 200-hour theory.
	So he has, what's it called?
	Crohn's disease.
	Crohn's disease.
	Allegedly.
	So he has toilet paper up his ass at all times, right?
	And shit is just like being pushed out like Nutella 24 hours a day.
	So once in a while, it becomes too much of a burden.
	And we know this is a fact, by the way, because he has shit-stained jeans.
	He's getting on the side of his legs, everything.
	He's covered at shit.
	He's a monkey.
	He's a monkey.
	He's a monkey's grooming.
	It reaches a breaking point.
	So he goes, uh-oh, I got to go to the bathroom.
	So he goes to the bathroom and he's like, uh-oh, I got to get rid of this.
	So he grabs his gross, like giant thing of shit and he throws it in the toilet, right?
	And then he closes the lid and then he pulls up his pants and runs out.
	What he doesn't realize is that it didn't go down into the toilet.
	It stayed on the ledge.
	And then when he put the seat down, he smushed it and he made like, you know the Play-Doh thing where you push the hair out the barbershop?
	He pushed the lid down and it pushed the barbershop out the back.
	Which is why, meanwhile, my underwear is all over the place.
	Which is why it was all smushed like that.
	That's my theory.
	Oh, I wish I had the pictures.
	That theory, by the way, took me, I would say, 132 hours.
	Because you look at that yourself and you're like, oh, that's gross, whatever.
	Now, if you zoom out, Ryan, on that picture, you see the tiles on the left there?
	Yes.
	That's where the shit drops are.
	Okay, what?
	On that area.
	Okay, what if he did the same thing but smushed it fast and it sprayed on the walls and then he and then he.
	But then also, on the floor in between that area on the top, he's shit literally on the floor.
	He totally missed the toilet.
	Like when we say this guy's annoying, we don't just mean he's like a silly loser who's not in the in crowd.
	We mean like he shits himself and he shits the bar.
	He shits mysteries.
	He shits our bar.
	And then it doesn't even become currently to either clean it up, like he just runs out.
	Wow.
	It's like, what the fuck are you doing?
	Wow.
	You're going to foul the bathroom and then fucking leave?
	I've shit my pants in public before I go, oh my God.
	Jesus.
	I get my underwear out.
	I wash my ass.
	I wrap it up in paper towels.
	I put my underwear in the garbage.
	I like clean my butt cheeks.
	When you walk in after I've shit myself, you'd think that like Doris Day just had her prom.
	It's beautiful.
	Joe, he throws his fucking Nutella underwear into the Play-Doh barbershop and then he closes it and it oozes out the back.
	Oh, it's disgusting.
	Did you see the videos I took of him passed out?
	Now we're spending a lot of time on...
	Oh, the DJ was at Top of the Rock, by the way.
	Somebody sent it.
	Top of the Rock.
	So what is that?
	What is that, Rockefeller Center?
	Yes.
	Okay, I'm going to send you some videos of Joe being awesome.
	Oh, yeah.
	He is a monkey.
	What do I do with airdrop?
	No people found.
	I have to turn on my Wi-Fi.
	It should be censored Mac available now.
	Here we go.
	There you go.
	Is that coming through?
	They are.
	Yeah, the two drops went.
	I mean, the thing about comedy is you have to choose your targets, right?
	So you don't want to choose like a vet or a handicapped person or someone who like has breast cancer.
	That's not funny.
	But when you find some fucking asshole who got a $100 tip on Memorial Day for pretending he was a Marine.
	Yeah.
	Combat veteran.
	I can fucking roast this guy.
	He lies about everything though.
	Like audience needs to know that not one word that comes out of this man's mouth is true or accurate about anything.
	Audience, if this, baby monsters, if this was a guy who was struggling and his daughter was like trying to get through college and he was working at McDonald's to get her through, do you think we'd be sitting here fucking with him, mocking him?
	Absolutely not.
	That's not how we operate.
	We don't punch down.
	That's fucking lame.
	It's not funny.
	This guy's a fucking asshole who rips people off.
	He lies.
	He shits his pants.
	He's lied about having a daughter.
	He's lied about having a granddaughter.
	His daughter tried to commit suicide by taking Xanax.
	They found her floating in a bathtub.
	And patrons of the bar are like, look, here's my credit card.
	Buy a flight.
	Go out there right now.
	Wow.
	Oh, no, she's not really talking to me right now.
	Well, you joined that biker club, Fourth Watch, right?
	Yeah.
	And they're like a silly biker club.
	Which is no longer around.
	They're done?
	I think so.
	That's what I heard.
	They had like 1,400 members.
	Maybe that charter.
	I don't know if it's an international...
	It's a law enforcement charter.
	It's like cops and firemen and stuff who want to become bikers.
	And Joe was neither.
	Here's Joe.
	There he is.
	Passed out in all his glory.
	So let's show the video.
	Oh.
	You know what?
	I did not get a video.
	I got two picks.
	What?
	Are you sure?
	I'm sure.
	You could probably just send them by regular text.
	If transfer failed, please try again.
	Oh, try to leave the phone open.
	Not blaming you.
	I'm just saying that does help.
	Okay.
	Isn't it funny how you try to text people shit and it, I mean, sorry, you try to email people shit and it never works.
	And then you text people things.
	You can send them like Star Wars.
	You can send them the 50 gigabytes.
	Well, that means you're gay.
	Amazing, isn't it?
	That was great.
	Sometimes the gods of the drop speak, and then they say.
	I can't believe I went to a bar in Manhattan and some guy was like, I am beyond angry.
	You emailed it, right?
	No, I texted.
	All right, let's take a call.
	Okay.
	Auto screen tail.
	Fuck a call.
	Are you sure we didn't do mail before, Maddie?
	No, we didn't do mail.
	No, mail.
	No, the purpose of Thursday nights was only mail.
	Oh.
	We didn't do mail.
	Yes, we did.
	No, we didn't.
	Yes, we fucking did.
	Tonight?
	Not tonight, but Thursday nights was meant to be mail only.
	Oh, okay.
	Just the boys.
	Go ahead, Caller.
	Hey, guys.
	First time caller, longtime baby monster.
	I just want to jump into it here, though.
	Gavin, you consistently extolled Rudy Giuliani for his broken windows cleanup of New York, which I think, you know, I think he did a wonderful job.
	But in the same breath, you're avidly against the war on drugs.
	And in my perspective, that's kind of like a nationwide application of broken windows.
	So I was kind of just hoping that you would expand on what you think is different about the war on drugs and why you're against that, but you're with broken windows.
	Wow, that's a great question.
	At 10.15 on a Thursday night.
	I think it's an unwinnable war.
	I think that marijuana, all of these gang wars, everything you see in prison at Rikers, at Governor, at Bear Hill, all of these jails, all these prisons is tangentially related to the drug war.
	Stop it.
	You're not going to win it.
	It needs to end today.
	And I think that the only way, like in your version of events, right, we nip it in the bud, it's like turnstile hopping, and we get guys who grew pot, and we throw them in jail for 10 years, like animals.
	Well, not to get too anecdotal, but here in my town, we have human trafficking issues, as most towns do.
	And the girls that are often trafficked by these traffickers, you know, view the traffickers as boyfriends, and they won't.
	But as soon as drugs are legal, they don't have any authority.
	They cease to be.
	Well, what I'm saying is, the drug offenses are often what gets these traffickers in jail because it's easier to prove up that case as opposed to trying to get a human trafficked girl who thinks this trafficker is her boyfriend to testify.
	Maddie, can you handle this?
	Well, the human trafficking, most get their girls, runaways or drug addicts, and they hang around with the girl, the boyfriends or pimps or traffickers because they supply them with drugs.
	If drugs are legal and you can buy them anywhere and it's regulated and taxed, they don't have to go to the CD boyfriends and traffickers and deal with those sorts.
	Yeah, I mean, I think that's fair.
	I don't know.
	I just, from the prosecuting perspective, it's much easier to prove up these drug cases against these traffickers than it is the trafficking.
	Yeah, I mean, if you think that eliminates trafficking, I guess that does make sense.
	How far you don't human trafficking.
	Oh, human trafficking.
	Oh, I thought we were talking about the war on drugs.
	Well, right.
	It's like catching the murderers with the turnstile jumpers.
	You catch a lot of traffickers with the drug offenses.
	Yeah, I get what you're saying, but that's not the right way to go about it because, I mean, at the end of the day, the amount of human trafficking and drug trafficking kind of go hand in hand,
	but not really.
	There's more people that deal a lot of drugs that would rather not deal with human trafficking.
	I mean, pimps, prostitutes, hoes, whatever you want to call them, human trafficking ranks, you know, they're going to do it regardless if they're going to kidnap the girls or whatever.
	I mean, I get what you're saying now.
	You know how you're going to catch the drug dealers or the war on drugs?
	You have a really good point, and I have to admit, I'm kind of taken aback.
	I feel side-blinded.
	Blindsided.
	Blindsided by this?
	It's not a joke.
	But do you think that the war on drugs is working?
	I mean, is there any hope for it ever solving anything?
	Let's start with that.
	Any criminal worth of salt can get any illicit street drug.
	It shouldn't be a problem.
	I can get you any drug in the world.
	Literally.
	Prescription or non-prescription or party drugs.
	Any drug in the world.
	The way I'm looking at it is it's similar to, you know, the people who are going to traffic in drugs are the same people that are going to be committing the robberies, the murders, the trafficking, and stuff like that.
	Well, large-scale trafficking are done by most of the cartels or organized dealings.
	They're not, you know, they want money.
	They don't want women.
	Women, I mean, the human trafficking is probably more low-level shit.
	Like, they're pushing girls to go on back page and all that other bullshit and prostitute, run hotels.
	You know, you're ripping off jobs for a little bit.
	That's petty cash.
	Drug traffickers are making hundreds of millions of dollars.
	You think they give two fucks about women?
	No.
	They want their money.
	They want to make sure the shipments get through.
	They want to buy pilots.
	Yeah.
	Well, I don't know.
	I guess my head always goes back to what Gavin's example that he often uses, right?
	The turnstile jumpers, we end up nabbing quite a few people that, hey, if you're going to do turnstile jumping, you also don't care about this, this, this, and this, and you'll end up committing certain other crimes.
	And so I think that theory kind of applies to drug offenses as well.
	Yeah, but you're right, Matty.
	This guy's pretty good.
	This is a good point.
	You're not going to catch the kingpin jumping a turnstile.
	Like, he's not taking the training.
	Right, but this guy's saying that jumping turnstiles really helped New York get rid of a lot of bad dudes.
	Well, Giuliani came in and he Disneyfied Times Square.
	Yeah, he said, if you're jumping a turnstile, you probably have a gun.
	There's something else going on.
	And he got a bunch of bad dudes.
	So this guy's saying, okay, by those same rights, let's enforce anti-drug laws, and we'll get even bigger dudes.
	Well, Juliani.
	Maybe he's right.
	He also did the quality of life laws.
	Who?
	Giuliani.
	Right?
	Like people public and those were like petty offenses.
	Right, so that's all helping this guy's argument.
	This guy's argument.
	Have they really worked?
	Has it hindered or curved?
	Time square during Giuliani's era was Disneyland.
	Yeah, but there was still illicit drug activity.
	Oh, come on.
	It was paradise.
	It was paradise.
	Disney fight.
	Good point, caller.
	You may have got it.
	Next call.
	We haven't done the slow fade in a while.
	What's the slow fade?
	Is that really hurtful when they're talking to the?
	This guy's Adam.
	Hey.
	Hey, what's up?
	What's going on?
	Caller.
	In regards to Ryan's music, it's absolutely terrible.
	Thank you.
	Music is subjective.
	No.
	Who gets to decide what's funny?
	Okay, play some more, Ryan.
	I have plenty.
	Hey, Caller, Ryan wants to dispute what you're saying with some more of his music.
	So let's bust it on.
	Okay, hit me with it.
	Let's hit him with it.
	Here I go.
	Here we go.
	And it's going to be so good.
	It's going to be awesome.
	It's going to slap.
	It's going to slap.
	You know, sure.
	By the way, Ryan wants you to know he's a better guitarist than Jimi Hendrix.
	Yeah, but these are synth songs.
	Now, I haven't heard his guitar playing.
	I could play some of my guitar playing from today if you'd like.
	I mean, I don't know.
	I would like.
	Okay, so should we do that?
	Sure, let's do both.
	Let's do some of your awesome guitar playing about how you're better than Jimi Hendrix and then some of your fucking shitty.
	I said to my son today, he's like, I went golfing and I fucking destroyed.
	And I go, okay, well, he thinks that's going to make me mad because I'm a golfer.
	And I go, good, good.
	I'm glad you're good.
	And I go, I want to set you up with a pro so you can unlearn bad habits.
	He goes, I'm better than a pro.
	And I go, dude, you sound like a retard.
	And he goes, what do you mean?
	I go, no, literally, you sound like a retard.
	Like, I'm so good at golf.
	I'm better than a professional.
	I'm number one.
	That's what you sound like, Ryan.
	No, it's not.
	You sound like my son.
	If you have 10 minutes, not even five minutes, I can explain why, on a technical level, better than Jimi Hendrix.
	I'm not saying that.
	We don't need to have it explain.
	Just play us.
	Play that.
	Some of your amazing fucking guitar licks.
	Okay.
	Now hold up.
	Ready.
	Jimi Hendrix, eat your heart out.
	Here we go.
	Now, this is just off the fly.
	This is off the cuff.
	You ever hear Hendrix off the cuff playing acoustic guitar?
	It's garbage.
	It's literally garbage.
	Now, this is, I don't know what we're in here.
	Let's just drop the needle.
	You ever hear Scatman?
	You know Scatman means shit man.
	Yeah, that is true.
	Oh my god.
	He's literally playing a solo.
	Dude, I'm the Scatman.
	This is not dope.
	This is not sarcasm.
	He chose this.
	He chose this.
	I dropped the needle.
	He chose.
	No, I knew me doing a solo over I'm the Scat Man.
	I dropped the needle.
	I mean, I can't make this stuff up.
	Somebody pitched in money.
	They suggested the song and I played it.
	I mean, like, you can't make fun of people anymore.
	They hang themselves much more ferociously than you could ever think of.
	Like, if I held a gun to Brian's head, I'd be like, I want him to play that solo to I'm the Scat Man.
	Look at this fucking Puerto Rican piece of garbage.
	Dude, you need to be in the Puerto Rican.
	You're not meant to be in here, Brian.
	You're meant to be in Jupiter.
	This is Jupiter, Matu.
	Not offended, Jupiter.
	No, no, no.
	Jupiter's not offended.
	This is you.
	Why does it look away when you do a particularly high note?
	I'm off the top of the dome.
	I do a solo to I'm the scatman.
	That's right.
	Now, who else does this?
	Not Jimi Hendrix.
	Because you're better than him.
	I think he might be rolling over in his grave.
	Well, Jimi Hendrix.
	Here's the thing.
	Hey, Jimmy, can you do a solo to I'm the scatman?
	I'm the scatman.
	Nah, man.
	I don't do shit like that.
	No, man.
	Nah, man.
	That's not what I'm about.
	Now, his skill set, not great.
	Period.
	It's just not great.
	Now, he rocks.
	Now, you don't have to be great to rock.
	You don't have to be the most skilled to rock.
	But when it comes to command of your instrument, you have to have a certain amount of skills and knowledge.
	Is that you right?
	No, that's actually, this is Jimi Hendrix himself.
	Oh.
	Who I love.
	Now, this feels like a very talented musician.
	That's because it's through golden, rose-tinted glasses, rather.
	No, no, dude.
	I'm a racist, and I'm looking at a black man playing the guitar.
	I'm loving it.
	Now, if you look at Tommy Emmanuel.
	Is that a 12-string he's playing?
	Yeah.
	No, I really do think.
	Hey, can we just have one more kind of hurry?
	No, we saw the film there.
	Stop it for a second.
	Because I was scared to death.
	So then, can I just shoot one more time, though?
	Can I just do it one more time?
	You know what?
	Isn't it amazing how blacks used to speak like Seattle back before the internet?
	Even New York blacks, they weren't speaking like, hey, man, what the fuck?
	Yeah, he's like, hello, what's going on?
	I'm from Seattle.
	I could be a guy where you buy trains at a train store where we set up all the various tracks.
	Now they all sound like, I am the aunt angry.
	Waiting for the train.
	He's amazing talent.
	That's for sure.
	He's a natural.
	He's no Ryan Katsu Rivera though.
	Not when it comes to a smoke fest.
	If we're doing a smoke fest.
	Yeah.
	Why is it that with your incredible talent, you've never had any song that went anywhere?
	The thing is, Jimi Hendrix was very close to, that's why it's amazing when you listen to his story, you're like, wow, he could have just not made it.
	He had to meet this guy and play at this place and that guy listened to that thing.
	Nobody makes it.
	The percentage of musicians, you don't get deals with talent.
	25,000 subscribers following this show.
	That's probably more than Jimi Hendrix for the first, I don't know, 20 years of his career.
	Are any of them music industry Jews?
	I don't know.
	Didn't you do live guitar shit where you'd have like three people watching you?
	Yes, so.
	So you're...
	But let's say, okay, if Jimi Hendrix was never famous, would he be a bum or would he be good?
	Jimi Hendrix would probably I would wager that Jimi Hendrix would be Jimi Hendrix.
	If you walk past him and he's playing on the subway, you'd be like, he's pretty good.
	But you wouldn't be like, I saw Hendrix.
	You know?
	What about Bob Dylan?
	A lot of people hate Bob Dylan.
	This is an easy one to get people on board with.
	Where are we going with this?
	Like, the icons, the music icons.
	Now, I happen to be torn on this.
	Is it possible that you're retarded and you suck?
	Have you considered that possibility?
	Because all of the information to that.
	I think a lot of musicians think that.
	All of it's going to that.
	You have a lot of other theories that, like, we would walk by Jimi Hendrix and not notice him.
	But the general hypothesis is that Ryan sucks.
	That's untrue.
	This is coming from a guy who knows nothing of the guitar.
	Knows nothing of the guitar.
	What are you?
	Knights of the fucking guitar table now?
	Yes.
	I'm a gatekeeper.
	And I think a lot of...
	Gatekeeper is what you are.
	You're the gatekeeper of the fag zone.
	They fall into the false call.
	Worship.
	I've had enough of this fucking retard and his ridiculous shit.
	This guy's still online.
	Terrible songs.
	What'd you think of that, sir?
	He died.
	Oh, he's dead.
	You killed him with your music.
	All right, this person's talking about murder.
	Speaking of which.
	Murder, murder.
	Hey, boys, how we doing?
	Good, how you doing?
	Hey, Gavin.
	So I want to be crystal clear here and say that I am not super familiar with New York law, so don't take my word as a rule.
	But from what I understand, you can own and possess a black powder revolver.
	So because a black powder revolver is not considered a handgun, it's considered a firearm.
	You should be able to own that in the office, fully loaded and hanging from your tactical walls, as well as something like a musket.
	Basically, any black powder firearms.
	Ex-cons tend to own them, ex-felons tend to own them because their laws are a lot less strict.
	And so that might be something worth looking into.
	I thought it'd be pretty cool to see you be able to shoot that on camera.
	Okay, thanks a lot.
	Thanks for calling.
	There is footage of me shooting my black powder gun.
	I put it on a motorcycle helmet because I had never shot it before.
	And shit, that stuff shoots out a lot of flames.
	A lot of flames.
	And people always talk about how the founding fathers were not prepared for mass shootings because they have to stuff the fucking ball down.
	Those dudes back in the Civil War, they could pound down a ball bearing and shoot it out within eight seconds.
	They were good at powering out.
	And they would have other guns ready at the same time.
	So this notion that like the founding fathers never thought of like, pump, pow, pow, pump.
	They had.
	And we have.
	But you know what's cool about Westchester and the surrounding suburbs is we're down to 37 inches, right?
	27?
	26.
	26?
	I'm totally okay with that.
	I prefer 26 inches to a handgun.
	You seem upset.
	No.
	In reference to the phone call, I believe a few years ago they changed the legal definition of a firearm.
	It used to be anything that fired rim fire or center fire ammunition constituted a firearm, a modern day firearm.
	And black powder and other stuff like that were excluded from that.
	In New York State, I do believe they changed the law that said any projectile that is expelled from the firearm due by any means of ignition.
	So that kind of labels the black powder in with it.
	I'm not getting the verbiage and the language right, but they changed the legal definition in New York about what constitutes a firearm.
	So can you have anything?
	Me?
	No.
	Nothing.
	What about those black pepper things?
	Those yellow.
	I've seen this yellow gun.
	Hannity was pushing it.
	It's $350.
	They want it for your wife.
	And it shoots these pepper balls that blind the guy.
	Yeah.
	They've changed it even to be like cover air guns and stuff like that.
	So you can't have that?
	No.
	Fuck, dude.
	Yeah.
	That sucks.
	New York's a tough state.
	I'll talk about that here in a minute.
	It did not come with it.
	I just purchased it.
	I'm going to get that for my wife.
	For really no reason.
	Because I don't think she can figure out my gun.
	And I don't think my daughter can figure out a microcorg.
	Colin wants to figure out.
	Hey, if there's any people who know a microcorg, can you contact me and maybe you can FaceTime my daughter and we can figure this shit out?
	And I hate that my wife's presents are homework assignments for me, but we're here now, so let's figure it out.
	Some dad somebody requires on the air?
	Yes.
	You're on the thing that is the air.
	Yeah, I mean, my dad listens to jazz.
	You need to disown him.
	Say, dad, I don't love you anymore.
	I'm moving on.
	I was in a car with him the other day, and he was playing jazz with the whole family in there.
	And I looked at him and I went, I'm gay, yay.
	Is he a Jew?
	Say again.
	Is he Jewish?
	Deep down inside, probably.
	He's got some kind of like a, I don't know.
	Like, I don't get how people can, I get the concept of being, I love jazz, but like, literally putting the needle on the jazz record and being like, let's go, I don't get it.
	It's just he's, you know, going on, he's going out, and so he's got to have a few fuck you's to the rest of the world, and I think that that's what it's but hey, can I share with you a funny observation that I made?
	Okay.
	Let's change the subject.
	Do you know who the soccer player Wayne Rey is?
	No.
	No?
	Oh, man.
	Well, he's pretty damn good.
	I don't expect you to know your soccer players, but like, he is the only soccer player.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	I've had enough of that.
	Next call.
	This man is named Adam.
	Like the first man ever named.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	What's up, Adam?
	What's up, guys?
	How y'all doing?
	All right.
	Good.
	I know you've been talking a lot about guys working trades, and I'm one of them a couple months ago.
	I had gone to college for a couple years, and I took a year off.
	And then, obviously, being in a liberal arts school, I did not want to go back.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah.
	Let's see the next call.
	Dan, we are shuffling.
	Next card of the pile is Scott moving out of Canada.
	Yo, Gavin.
	Yo.
	Yo, so I'm living in Canada.
	You know, it's turning into a bit of a shithole.
	But me and my buddies have been talking about leaving the country.
	Now, one of my friends has gone as far as actually Costa Rica.
	Well, part of me with, you know, I got Scottish background, Scottish blood.
	I feel like leaving Canada is like giving up.
	It's like, you know, just throwing in the towel, just running away.
	What do you think?
	Should I leave this place, maybe move to USA or another country?
	Or should I just in Toronto?
	Yeah, I know what you're going through, dude.
	I feel the same way.
	Also, Costa Rica is so fucking hot.
	Us Scottish people, we roast alive.
	Like, I've been planning life on the lamb if I ever get really arrested.
	And I was down there recently in Costa Rica, and I was like, I don't think I could lamb here.
	It's so fucking hot.
	That's what I was thinking.
	I would have to lamb in Calgary or something.
	Josh is having some issues down there, too.
	It's hard to, there's no Amazon Prime, and there's no like Best Buys and shit.
	So like getting tech stuff is tough.
	No, Costa Rica's...
	I had a place in Costa Rica for 10 years.
	It's awesome.
	It's a great place.
	It's the best place in Central America, but it's also an inferno.
	Dude, you're bringing up a great point.
	Like, we got a lot of callers that are smarter than us tonight.
	I don't know what to say.
	I feel bad about leaving New York to go to South Carolina.
	I feel like I'm pussying out.
	I remember I talked to Tucker about this after they invaded his house, and he's like, fuck it.
	I moved here when I was 12.
	I've been here my entire adult life.
	I'm not leaving.
	And then a few years later, he was like, I don't want to be around these people.
	I don't like these people.
	So you have to balance this sort of like, am I capitulating?
	Am I pussying out?
	Like Michelle Malkin, she goes, I'm moving to Colorado.
	You should come, Gavin.
	It's way safer here.
	They don't do that shit.
	And I go, okay.
	And then when the shit was really hitting the fan, she goes, she texts me.
	She's like, I told you.
	I told you.
	And then she got the shit beaten out of her at some thing they were doing in Denver.
	And I'm like, well, you didn't escape it, did you?
	You're in the eye of the storm again.
	So, who fucking knows?
	I don't have the answers.
	I'm determined to move to the South because I think we're in an American divorce.
	Should we stay in fight?
	Should we save New York?
	Maybe.
	Like, what do you think, Maddie?
	Should we save fucking New York State?
	The only thing that's keeping me in New York right now at the moment is my health care.
	my cardiac team.
	But you're waiting for a heart transplant.
	Yeah.
	The heart transplant list is way better in every other state.
	Yeah, New York is like one of the worst states to live in for transplants.
	To be a transplant recipient.
	Because people just don't donate.
	Okay.
	So why New York State?
	I've been struggling with this over the last like two years.
	Because I liked Florida and I liked Virginia.
	Didn't Virginia fucking get you arrested?
	Yeah.
	That was, you know, the feds, they're everywhere.
	It don't make a difference what state.
	But yeah, I would be, you know, in the Richmond area, southern Virginia.
	I have family in Virginia.
	I was looking at, I went to Cassandra Fairbanks, Tim Pool's Hood in West Virginia, and I liked it, but it was all just homes.
	It was not, like, I like bars.
	Yeah.
	I like our local dive bar.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I don't like just, and I said to Cassandra, I go, so what's the local bar scene like?
	And they go, no, people don't go to bars here.
	They have bonfires at people's homes.
	Which sounds great.
	That does sound fun.
	But you just need a place for random ranch coming.
	The South, the thing about anywhere that's not New York is it doesn't feel like haunted with like the stories of older people and older generations it just feels like just land and that's kind of boring you know like even LA as shitty as it is like it's kind of addicting because it's got a story to it addicting addictive is that right yep addictive because it too people go to house parties the south is a paradise but you know it gets a little boring but the south is just as old as new
	don't do football picks i don't even watch football patch ram saints thanks for calling yeah great call later there's one place you want to go for football picks it's get off my lawn that's right all right um that guy was on hold For like an hour.
	That's true.
	To ask what our favorite football team.
	I played that this weekend.
	This week.
	What'd you play?
	The ticket.
	I picked three games on the team.
	What team is Aaron Rodgers on now?
	Aaron Rodgers is the Green Bay Packers.
	He's still the Packers?
	Yeah.
	Oh, okay.
	602 is on the line.
	Hello.
	Yellow.
	602.
	Thanks for calling.
	Next.
	I'll mute that person.
	I'll give them time to wake up.
	Alright, this person's talking about a new video drop.
	I am beyond angry.
	I am beyond angry.
	I am beyond angry.
	I sent you guys a letter.
	I sent you angry.
	I sent you a letter at the start of the show with a great video drop for when Ryan fucks up but doesn't want to admit it.
	You guys check it out.
	I think you'll like the whole clip, but it's perfect for Ryan.
	Okay.
	Let's see.
	Okay, here we go.
	This is Ryan fucking up.
	And I believe the time code's...
	How many seconds in?
	Dan Marino.
	1-6, 16-fucks.
	Alright, gotcha.
	We're watching it.
	Flubbed on that last.
	Did not flub at all.
	No, it wasn't a flub.
	It was no fucking flub.
	It was not a flub.
	No, come on.
	Let's do it.
	Fuck it.
	Page 3, 25-second version.
	Oh, dude.
	That reminds me.
	I was watching that Mets documentary.
	It started in Queens, which is so good.
	What is it on Netflix?
	It was on ESP.
	I hope we can still find it.
	But I didn't know this, but for a minute, there was like the Super Bowl shuffle, right?
	There was teams doing rap songs.
	So the Mets go, we have to do a song, too.
	Were the Metzizos?
	So the Mets do a rap song that was the most embarrassing thing that has ever been created.
	Never heard it.
	Yeah, me neither before this documentary.
	The Metzizos.
	Like, it was Metz Tizos?
	What was it?
	The Metzmerized?
	Yeah, that's it.
	Get Metzmerized.
	Check out this fucking song.
	Oh, my Lord.
	Get Mesmerized, get Mesmerized!
	Get Mesmerized, Get Mesmerized!
	Get Mesmerized, Get Mesmerized!
	I agree with you!
	Get mesmerized!
	Get Mesmerized!
	Let's do this right now.
	Can I hear a witness?
	George Fox.
	I love this team.
	Mr. Met the Rent Machine.
	I lift the play, and that's my thing.
	This year we're gonna win the series ring.
	Strongman Darrell.
	What's the name?
	Rockman Daryl.
	With your black bat.
	Is there a video for this?
	See if you can find a video.
	Get mesmerized.
	Get mesmerized.
	I'm Daryl Strawberry.
	I use a black bat.
	Okay.
	I sit on this bench because I got a toothache.
	This is Let's Go Mets.
	Have you ever seen this worst thing ever?
	We are Notre Dame.
	Yeah, that's the drink.
	We are Notre Dame.
	This is fucking bad.
	I didn't hear it.
	I just came up with a new thing.
	Guys who play guitar and bass are dorks.
	Like, look at that guy.
	Look at Ryan.
	I'm not the same.
	We are not the same.
	You gotta be kind of autistic to be good at that weird instrument.
	I don't think I'm autistic.
	I think that people who play instruments are dorks.
	You're right.
	But me and that guy are not the same.
	Yes, you are.
	No, we're not.
	Look at these fights.
	That's your world.
	This is not the pipe of a dork.
	I fight, I fuck, I do drugs.
	Fight.
	When'd you last fight?
	When you knocked that guy for a week?
	Yeah.
	But I'm not a mirror guy.
	I'm not afraid to fight otherwise.
	I just don't pick fights.
	I'm kind of stoic.
	So I fight.
	When are you last in a fight?
	Well, not a long time, but I'm willing to fight.
	That's right.
	I do all the things a man should do.
	One of Jessica White's favorite songs, Fight Fucking Fucking.
	And make European songs.
	All right, next call.
	We're down to the last 10 minutes.
	We are Notre Dame.
	So they dropped two F-bombs in that Let's Go Mets thing, and they had to apologize?
	Well, this was really cool about that Mets documentary is they have nails on it and he says fuck shit all the time.
	And I thought, yeah, he was part of the story.
	Thank you for including him.
	What was that?
	Wasn't there an ESPN thing where they cut out a guy who was offensive?
	And the documentary already aired and they went back in time and cut him out.
	What?
	They cut him out?
	Yeah, do you know what I'm talking about?
	There was an ESPN documentary and the guy, I don't know, his fucking great-grandfather said nigger or something.
	It had to be NASCAR.
	Maybe.
	I think it was a NASCAR.
	And they removed him from the documentary.
	Look that up, Brian.
	So what was cool about this was they had Ron Darling, Keith Hernandez, they had all the Mets classics.
	Those guys hate Nails because Nails was a dick.
	Nails did say nigger all the time.
	He was picking fights.
	He was doing Coke.
	He was shoving people.
	And they don't like him.
	But he was an integral part of the 80s Mets.
	Was it Lenny Dykstra?
	What?
	The man they called nails.
	Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, Ryan.
	I'm saying they left him in the documentary, but there was another documentary recently where they removed a guy.
	But do you remember the team?
	No, just go ESPN.
	How many times do I have to tell this guy?
	I believe it's NASCAR.
	Just go ESPN removed documentary.
	That's all you need.
	Gotcha.
	And it's going to be some fucking dude who sinned.
	And they rescinded.
	Yeah, there it is.
	Last dance?
	No, what's that?
	Rachel Nichols removed from ESPN programming.
	What's going on now?
	Oh, I remember.
	Wait, this is recent, isn't it?
	Oh, maybe that's not her.
	Oh, there was audio on her cell phone.
	No, that's not her.
	No, that's not her.
	There was someone else.
	Anyway, it happened recently.
	I forget the name of the guy.
	You can look it up yourself because Ryan's inept.
	But I thought it was cool to have a fucking train wreck like nails.
	He's still a train wreck.
	Like, we know Ryan is getting fired any day now.
	But if there was a documentary at Censored TV, we'd have to include him because he was an integral part of the, I don't know, what are we at now?
	2019 to 2021 years of Get Off My Lawn?
	He's been in the news lately.
	He's been a big part of this club.
	All right, next call.
	Okay, fucking Jason.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, man.
	What's happening?
	Yeah, so, Gavin, you mentioned the Pendleton shirt earlier.
	And I'm actually born and raised in the namesake of that brand.
	And I've toured like their woollen mills and seen all their shit.
	But right now in that town is probably the biggest rodeo in the nation going on right now.
	It's called the Pendleton Roundup.
	It's just a bunch of cowboys, bunch of Native Americans, and they're all just partying for like four days straight as this big rodeo is going on.
	And it's just drunk every night, up all night, all sorts of drugs, alcohol.
	It's pretty amazing.
	It's in eastern Oregon.
	It's a really ultra-conservative place, even though we got some crazy leftists here as well.
	But you should see it.
	I mean, there's Trump flags everywhere right now, American flags everywhere.
	There was even a fuck Biden flag.
	It was really awesome.
	But yeah, I just wanted to call in and let you know that Pendleton, I mean, it's still going with the wall mills.
	Still cool.
	Okay, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	Good to know.
	Good to know.
	Local business?
	Good to fucking know.
	Edited out of sports documentary.
	Okay, let's take another call.
	Okay, we got Nikki.
	Nikki, you're on the line.
	What's up, Nick Dog?
	Nick Dog.
	Hey, we just wanted to say hey from the hometown, Westchester.
	Oh, okay.
	Nice.
	Yeah, we don't really have any interesting questions.
	Where in Westchester?
	We're up in Briarcliffe.
	Okay, not too far.
	I don't know, Briarcliff.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's going up like towards 98 Peakskill area, 100.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's like by the way, like in the beginning of the pandemic, you were over at Rockefeller Preserve.
	Is it MAGA up there?
	No, but we actually just bought our first house today, which is very exciting.
	And we're actually heading up to Duchess, and it's very, very red up there.
	Well, congratulations on buying your first house.
	Do you have kids?
	We do.
	We do.
	We have a 12-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a 7-month-old who is screaming.
	Oh, that's true.
	That's fantastic.
	Look at you.
	Look at you starting your life.
	It's fantastic.
	And yeah, so we're in Westchester, and my husband also is very familiar with the Corg.
	The what?
	The Corgs?
	Corg.
	The Corg, the Mini Corg.
	Oh, the Mini Corg.
	Oh, the Corg.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Okay, I'd love him to come by.
	Yeah, well, we actually, we're super familiar with your area.
	We know you're local.
	I saw back when you posted your 50th.
	I recognized it right away.
	So I know exactly where your spot is, but we don't really know when you guys are there.
	So we haven't come to meet up.
	You know, we have kids.
	Okay, well, let's communicate via the mailbag, and let's hang out at my local and also help my daughter with her stupid, fucking, complicated musical instrument.
	Yeah, he's really good with all of that stuff.
	But yeah, that would be fun.
	I'll hit you guys up via the mailbag.
	Yeah, it's pretty depressing around these parts for us red folks.
	I feel kind of like your wife.
	It's really sad for her.
	Really sad for us.
	Well, my wife just got red-pilled.
	I mean, we were traveling all summer because our house was getting gutted and renovated.
	And she was just around normal MAGA people.
	And she was just like, I love these people.
	They're so nice.
	She should come to the bar when we meet up.
	I watched her get slowly red-pilled.
	Nice.
	Because all her friends and all these fucking blue liberals stabbed her in the back.
	And the red-pilled people, they didn't know even what her politics were.
	In fact, I think they thought of her as a liberal vegan Hillary supporter.
	And they were still like, hi, want some tomatoes?
	Here's some brosciutto.
	How you doing?
	Nice.
	Yeah, well, I'm kind of, you know, I've been born and raised in Westchester, so obviously you know the climate here.
	So I'm very, you know, slowly but surely becoming an outcast amongst my group of friends.
	It's so ridiculous, isn't it?
	It's so lazy.
	It is.
	It's just lazy.
	There is hope, you know.
	Your kids are growing up here, too.
	And listen, I was red-tailed eventually as well.
	So there is hope.
	Yeah, great call to end on.
	Thanks for calling, by the way.
	That was a great ender.
	All right, folks.
	Normal show tomorrow.
	Thanks to Maddie Odell for tuning in.
	Thanks to our sponsors, Nita Fashions, Droom, and of course, what was the other one?
	Droom Tactical Walls and Nita Fashions.
	And Tactical Walls, of course.
	We really appreciate you supporting this show from day one.
	We know you get blowback from supporting this show.
	It's not a popular sentiment.
	You were punished for supporting the show, for supporting free speech.
	And our viewers and I appreciate it very much.
	So in the interim, before we see you in, I don't know, like 20 hours, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	So if you're pretty, I'm sorry.
	I got the key to eight motherfuckers.

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