Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

All Episodes

Previous Next

Sept. 10, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:59:15

GOML LIVE #114 - MATTY IS DYING

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	Girls wanna drink wine.
	Tell the man not to waste your time.
	If the man broke, the man hear joke.
	So you gotta get loose with the henny and the coke.
	Three, two, one, girls wanna have fun.
	If the man don't dance, he's done.
	It's get off my lawn with Kevin McKinnon.
	Tell the man not to waste your time.
	If the man broke, the man hear joke.
	So you gotta get loose with the henny and the coke.
	Three, two, one, girls wanna have fun.
	If the man don't dance, he's done.
	Tell him move on, get the man gone.
	Now can I get a coke with my rum?
	Can we have the video up?
	That's a thing.
	If the man don't dance, she's gone.
	Tell him move on, get the man going.
	Now can I get a coke with my room?
	Yes, you can, my dear.
	Who's that now?
	Ritan and Kalo.
	Is she Afrikan?
	She's got fake ID.
	Uh-oh, I don't have a pen.
	That was very Azalea Banks.
	Let's play that.
	That's kind of like more of a world music steak.
	It's a combination of Azealia Banks and that dance hall chick who is Dutch, I think, and she wins all these, she won a bunch of dance hall awards, and then she got so drunk with power that she drunk drove and died.
	Wow.
	She got loose with the henny and the coke.
	Yeah.
	Greg Goose got that girl feeling loose.
	Play Azealia Banks, though.
	Is this a rip-off or an homage, or what would you call it?
	Is it just the same genre, maybe?
	You know what people don't get about New York?
	Harlem Blacks and Brooklyn Blacks are as different as white New Yorkers and black New Yorkers.
	Oh, yeah.
	Harlem Blacks are hustlers.
	They wore skinny jeans first.
	Brooklyn Blacks were still wearing baggy jeans in Timberlands 10 years too late.
	Brooklyn Blacks complain about racism and I could die every time I get in the car.
	Harlem Blacks are like, we're having a party on Thursday.
	This is a new jean line I'm making.
	She's a Harlem black.
	She's been blowing up lately.
	She has like new singles that are charting and stuff like that.
	She's really at Webster Hall sold-out shows.
	She's like on fire right now.
	She was making a song about Kanye.
	She's a great kind of crazy.
	She is a nutto.
	I had lunch with her and Milo, but Milo's gorgeous black husband was there.
	And they just talked about astrology the whole time.
	Him and her, I mean.
	Astrology.
	Astrology.
	Liz.
	Yeah.
	He's a super interesting dude, too.
	Like, he grew up poor and he's doing like his doctorate in social studies and stuff.
	But he also is corny and a gay.
	So he's talking about astrology and he's like, yeah.
	Well, that's the thing about Jupiter right now.
	I mean, it's so unpredictable.
	And he's sending Jupiter.
	He's over the Northwest Crescent Sun.
	And they're both talking.
	Like, remember Liz?
	Yeah.
	Like, they're talking about the.
	I'm going to dinner with her tomorrow.
	What?
	I'm going to dinner with her tomorrow.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	That's crazy.
	She texts me today.
	This is the other chick that sounds like.
	The one that died in the car accident that I accused of being drunk, which is probably not fair.
	In your.
	Remember this jam?
	What's it got?
	Like a billion million views?
	Oh, Calabria.
	Let's see how many views it's got.
	This was the number in one dancehall song in the world.
	Billion dollar views.
	The other song is implemented.
	She's dead?
	It's got such a Euro vibe, doesn't it?
	Even the video.
	Like, Europeans just can't be cool.
	I don't know what it is.
	What happened, Europe?
	You can speak in a fake Jamaican accent.
	She, of course, had a Jamaican dad who was not around, raised totally white.
	So this is cultural appropriation.
	Sorry to ruin it for you.
	What a buzzkill I am.
	Nice.
	I remember I learned this on acoustic guitar and it was very cool.
	People were like, I didn't know you could do that.
	I was like, yeah, it's fucking yotes, bro.
	What the Sam hell are you talking about?
	When you learn this riff on the burnt, beep, burnt, beep, and it blows black people's minds.
	Oh, really?
	The guys I used to smoke with.
	How do you believe she's dead?
	Yeah.
	Can you throw me a pen or a pencil, dude?
	All right, let's start the show.
	Welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
	It is September, I don't know, 9th, probably.
	We are going to go to callers soon.
	There's a few things we have to cover.
	But before we cover anything, I would like to tell you that this episode is brought to you by DROM.
	DROM is the perfect place to meet conservative girls.
	Most dating apps are terrible.
	They are superficial face-swiping apps.
	And then there are the quote-unquote expert matching apps.
	Both usually waste your time.
	The solution is values-based matching.
	If you're right-wing, things are probably not going to work out with someone who's a total lefty.
	Same with religion, lifestyle, how to raise children, and other core conservative values.
	I'd like to interject mid-add that this wasn't always the case.
	You could have a liberal wife and a conservative husband.
	It wasn't, that's my case at home.
	But now in the American divorce, there's no compromising.
	And mothers are saying, I don't want your Trump supporting husband in my house.
	And so, okay.
	You know, when liberals say something asinine and do something ridiculous, we just go, oh, okay, you're not a serious person.
	I'm not going to take you seriously.
	When someone on the right says something that the left finds offensive, they X them forever.
	You're a blasphemer.
	You need to die.
	Okay, we'll die.
	In that we'll end our life with you.
	I am done.
	Here we go.
	I'm done.
	He was right.
	Sure, the right person might change to meet you where you are in life, but why not just find the perfect match from the start?
	Drome is the best free new values-based dating app.
	You pick deal breakers and deal makers.
	There are no experts and match percentages, and you don't have to addictively check the app.
	As soon as someone matches your deal breakers and deal makers, and you match theirs, you get a notification.
	If you don't find a deal breaker or deal maker that's important to you, you can add your own anonymously.
	Drome is also video-only for more human interactions.
	Go to the drome.date slash Gavin in your phone's browser.
	Click the iOS or Google button to install and use the invite code Gavin to sign up.
	If you're already matched up, tell your friends and get your boyfriend or girlfriend to tell their friends.
	That's drom.da slash gavin drome.
	Can you have a slightly more interesting background, please?
	Design and meet your perfect match.
	It's free to use.
	That's d-r-o-m.d-a-t-e slash gavin.
	Or as it's pronounced in Quebec, Gavin.
	Can I get a pencil or a pen or something?
	Just throw it to me.
	Who's brand new?
	Oh, for fuck.
	Nice throw, dude.
	Thank you, sir.
	Too late.
	You failed.
	No, this is stupid.
	It's fucking rule.
	Hang it's too good for you.
	Hang it's too good for you!
	See you, people!
	Boy, that reminded me of my dad right away.
	Oh, yeah.
	Would your dad scream like that?
	But your dad wasn't Scottish.
	No.
	He was English and Czechoslovakian.
	When I hear yelling, it just takes me back.
	It took me a while as a kid to realize he's not mad.
	He's just very passionate.
	Yes.
	My mother hit you with love.
	Yeah.
	Like my dad might go, there's not one pencil in this house that is sharpened.
	Why is every pencil in this house dull?
	He didn't want to kill you.
	Would he pull out a knife and sharpen it?
	Yeah.
	And if the eraser ran out, my mother would use bread.
	Really?
	To erase the pencil.
	I'm like, okay.
	My dad never erased anything.
	You're a liar.
	He was never wrong.
	There you go.
	Rule number one, I'm never wrong.
	Like the time I should have been crying, but I didn't have the tears.
	So I spat on my finger and I put it in my eyes.
	And he comes up to me and I go, I am upset about it, Dad.
	I'm sorry.
	And he goes, that's spit.
	So Scottish.
	So good.
	And I'm good at it too now.
	With my teeth.
	That's good at it, if you will.
	Where I'll be like, so why are you late?
	Oh, our bikes got stuck in the mud.
	But it hasn't rained in three weeks.
	So where would the mud be?
	Let's go look at the mud.
	Take me to the mud that you got stuck in.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	It just gets deeper and deeper.
	That's the least gay thing Sebastian Manaskelko's ever worn.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	That two-tone thing, we were just talking about this before the show.
	Because Maddie's getting a very severe operation where matrix-like snakes are going up his crotch and down his neck to go into his heart and scar certain tissue.
	Why are they scarring the tissue?
	To kind of make the electrical current in my heart go in a certain direction so that my heart contracts and beats correctly.
	We are living in the year 3000.
	Yeah, they're going through both femoral veins and my jugular in my neck.
	Like little snakes.
	Yeah.
	Catheter is needles.
	And some of the snakes are needles.
	Some of the snakes generate heat with lasers.
	Yep.
	Well, they have to go through, they go through the veins into my right atria, punch through the muscle that goes to my left atria.
	They leave the catheter there.
	They pull the needle out, and then they put the laser in there.
	So it's sounding like this is your last show with Censored Democrats.
	No, it's a couple weeks.
	This is the goodbye episode.
	I'll be back.
	What a great run.
	Can you text or email Ryan?
	Do you have Ryan's email?
	Yes.
	Can you send him those pictures of the operation?
	Sure.
	Dude, they're from the future.
	We normally don't do news on these days because we kick everyone out at 30 minutes in and then we go behind the paywall.
	But there are some things we got to cover because tomorrow's all 9-11.
	We'll be talking about 9-11 the entire time about Islam, about Islamophobia, about how, you know, we said never forget.
	We kind of forgot.
	So we'll examine all that and the conspiracy theories, my stories, my friends who lied to me about what their involvement was.
	The rampant lying that surrounds 9-11 is disturbing.
	It's a damning testament to Generation X's need for attention.
	I know of too many people that injected themselves into that day posthumously and made themselves, well, they didn't make themselves dead.
	I just want to say a big word.
	But made their family members dead, said they were dealing with death.
	They were lying.
	So send your letters to mailbag at censored.tv.
	We won't be reading any non-9-11 letters tomorrow.
	And then we're going to party.
	So things that have to be covered, Biden has declared war on the unvaxxed.
	He clearly hates the unvaxed more than the Taliban.
	I'm not exaggerating.
	And I would argue that the media and the liberals, the left, hates the unvaxx more than the Taliban.
	Whenever I hear about the unvaxed, I hear about they need to be rounded up.
	They need to die.
	I hope they should go to their church and be able to die.
	There's an anti-Christian element to it.
	And then when they talk about the Taliban, I'm seeing words like challenging.
	You see that?
	Taliban is challenging?
	They've had a challenging past.
	They've had a challenging past.
	I've had a challenge.
	Murdering women and gays and Jews.
	The weird thing is, too, a lot of ginos, Jews in name only, liberal Jews, are doing this, defending them, as they do with Palestine.
	And you're like, you're the first to go, dummies.
	Like, I care about you more than you care about you.
	Click on those pictures.
	The sheer unseriousness of Western liberalism goes, oh, we clicked away.
	Goes what?
	Without saying.
	But this State Department voices, and Dangerous Sharp focused it moments like this.
	State Department voices concerns over all male Taliban government.
	Yeah.
	Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?
	You're worried that the Taliban might be a tad sexist?
	In Sharia law, if a woman is raped, a man needs one witness to say she wasn't raped.
	A woman needs two.
	If a man has 13, she needs 26.
	She is literally worth half of a man.
	That's Sharia law.
	Never.
	Sharia law also says that gays are illegal.
	It says a lot of crazy shit.
	Yeah.
	You know, Proud Boys had a rally in New York a long time ago, and a common picture of me is me going like this with like a t-shirt on.
	And you imagine it's some like, get back to Africa, Negroes.
	But I'm actually bitching about the sexism and homophobia in Sharia law.
	And the rally was kind of a trick where we said, let's do an anti-Sharia law rally.
	Antifa will show up just because they hate whatever we love and love whatever we hate.
	So we'll expose them as fans of Sharia.
	Anarchist left-wing liberals defending Sharia.
	And that's exactly what happened.
	Lawrence Southern was there.
	They threw piss on her.
	They threw piss that they bought online, Fox Piss.
	Just lore cover set.
	Yeah, our buddy Fatwa Joff, who ended up doing a year in Rikers for the fight after my talk, much later.
	He had some woman attack him with a hot coffee.
	This is a crazy story.
	So she threw a hot coffee at him.
	He dinked it out and he shoved her to the ground.
	So he got charged with assault?
	No, he got out of there.
	Cops never found him.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	For the next year and a half, he would regularly get a Quran mailed to his home saying, you should read this.
	There's a lot of great information in here for you.
	How the fuck?
	He wasn't arrested.
	There was no paperwork.
	So I guess they saw his face.
	She works with people.
	I don't know, face recognition.
	And they didn't dox him.
	They just found him and spooky.
	Spooky.
	Oh, I thought this was interesting.
	I'm almost genocide.
	There's some group called the myth of the war on the myth of white genocide in South Africa.
	It's not happening, I guess.
	So Christopher F. Ruffo, the leading authority on critical race theory, talks about this white supremacy pyramid and advances the idea that conservative commentator Ben Shapiro is the foundation of white supremacy and Donald Trump is moving society on a path towards mass murder and genocide.
	Can an Orthodox Jew be a white supremist?
	According to the left, remember it's white supremacy with a tan this week.
	It's multiracial white supremacy.
	Larry Elder is the black face of white supremacy.
	But click on that graph because what I find interesting about this graph is when Trump started out and someone called you a Nazi, you'd go, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	No, that's not true at all.
	And then they go, Trump's a Nazi.
	Anyone who supports him is a Nazi.
	Plenty of Israelis are Nazis.
	And you go, oh, wait a minute.
	This is a weird term now.
	I don't understand.
	So I don't know who that dude next to Ben Shapiro at the bottom is.
	All lives matter, according to this chart, is the beginning of genocide.
	How is that for irony?
	Can we digest this, please?
	Saying that all lives matter means you want to kill groups of people.
	What?
	Like, what's the imbecile?
	I went on this website.
	I don't know who the fuck is funding.
	You've been looking at Vermodan for a while.
	You couldn't say all lives matter.
	That was like...
	Well, they're forbidding it right here.
	They're saying, don't fall for it.
	If someone says all lives matter, what they really want to do is kill, I don't know, blacks, Asians, Jews, gays, clowns, intellectuals.
	I don't know.
	Meanwhile, it's the left that has committed all genocides in history.
	The Nazis were National Socialists.
	Stalin was a communist.
	Pol Pot.
	Democrats.
	I mean, I guess Muslims are the only non-communist mass murderers.
	Anyway, go back to that chart.
	So it starts with Ben Shapiro and some dude I don't recognize.
	Then it's our own William Petzer.
	Remember him?
	He's a guy who's fighting for his life.
	He was in a gunfight last week.
	I keep trying to get him on the show, but he's living in a war zone.
	Then a Pepe Frog, Trump, is veiled racism.
	We're getting closer to genocide.
	Then it's, I guess that's the Prime Minister of South Africa, Donald Trump.
	Then it's Tommy Robinson, a man who doesn't want Muslims to rape young girls.
	If you don't want Muslims to rape young girls, then you are promoting genocide in South Africa.
	Help me out here.
	Then there's me, calls for violence.
	KKK neo-Nazis burning crosses.
	When was the last time a fucking cross was burned?
	What clown world are we living in?
	Then we have Richard Spencer, who is an extremist, yes.
	I guess the next pictures are rallies.
	And then we have the Christchurch thing that keeps coming up, that weird Northern European dude who killed a bunch of liberals.
	Like, where's all of the Muslim genocides at the top?
	Like 9-11, like San Bernardino, like Orlando?
	We'll be talking about all this tomorrow.
	Well, the guy from San Bernardino got a little pressed today because he was glad to hear that the American government was capitulating and catering to the Taliban who defended al-Qaeda.
	Did you see that the guys we traded for Bo Bergdahl, the fucking traitor, are now all part of the top brass in the Afghan, in the Taliban government?
	You fucking negotiate with terrorists.
	You kill them.
	Doy.
	So all of that, that chart was done by a company that says that there's no white genocide in South Africa.
	None.
	Okay.
	What about the white concentration camps, Greg?
	Can you milk those?
	There are 42,000 white South Africans living in poverty.
	And then they go, were they just poor?
	No.
	They're second-class citizens.
	It's against the law to hire whites above blacks.
	And blacks are the majority.
	So whites are legally starved to death in these camps.
	Like, if there's an argument for a refugee, shouldn't it be these people?
	What about, and if you hate that they're white, okay, how about Christians in northern Iraq?
	Can they be the top of the priority list?
	And I talk to liberals about this and they go, oh, I see how it works.
	So you get to be a refugee if you think like me.
	And I go, yeah.
	Yes.
	That's where we're at.
	Oh, don't Google white farmers.
	It's not a pretty sight.
	But I'm at the point now where I agree with the left on everything.
	Like they go, I'm a demon.
	I'm a Satanist.
	I want abortion.
	Yep.
	Okay.
	Oh, my God.
	Oh.
	Yeah, don't put it up like this.
	There's new ones, and they're really worse than that.
	They boiled a 10-year-old boy alive in front of his family.
	I think there's ones that we've never shown.
	What's common now with these white farmers is they will kill, slowly murder every member of the family.
	Oh, we've got Mercedes calling.
	Hmm.
	An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	This call is not private.
	It will be recorded and may be monitored.
	If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
	To accept this free call, press one.
	To refuse this, but thank you for using Securis.
	You may start the conversation now.
	Hey, Mercedes.
	Hi, Gavin.
	How are you doing?
	Well, I've been better.
	I am in jail still, and it seems that I have gotten anemia from my COVID experience.
	Yeah.
	Now, we're recording you live on the show.
	We're shooting right now.
	Folks at home, this is Mercedes Carrera.
	She was a pro-MAGA free speech activist and adult film star.
	We believe she was framed for bizarre sex crimes.
	She's been rotting in jail ever since.
	No hope of a trial.
	And she was diagnosed with COVID.
	And what did they do when you were diagnosed with COVID?
	They just threw you in a room with other people with COVID, right?
	Well, yeah.
	Well, I was first placed in the quarantine unit, which was filthy, for two days.
	And then I was put in an isolation unit for only two days after I had a positive COVID swap.
	I received absolutely no treatment whatsoever.
	And then I was put back in my regular unit.
	And I didn't even receive a cough drop, not even a cough drop the whole time.
	And now, 60 days later or so, I suddenly am diagnosed with anemia.
	I feel absolutely terrible.
	And the iron they've been giving me, I still have shortness of breath.
	The iron they've been giving me has not been helping.
	And I believe I have autoimmune hemolytic anemia as a result of having gotten COVID and not having received treatment.
	And I haven't received proper care.
	I need corticosteroids.
	Good luck getting them inside of the jail.
	So now I've got all of these issues as a result of having gotten COVID in the jail system.
	Do you think they're trying to kill you?
	You know, it seems like it, doesn't it?
	And, you know, my ex-husband is the doctor that manages the triage care at Arrowhead Hospital.
	What's his name?
	His name is Dr. Lewis Tran, and he does all of the medical care for the inmates here at West Valley Detention Center.
	So if I go to the hospital here, you know, I'm a little concerned about my well-being because when he and I were together, he used to say things like, oh, inmates, they only go to the hospital because they want a turkey sandwich.
	And he's also said, well, you know, it would be really easy for me to kill someone because I'm a doctor.
	So I'm a little concerned about that and I'm a little scared to go to the hospital for treatment.
	Jesus.
	And he's in charge of all the doctors.
	Yeah, so I'm kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.
	So are you being killed by the state because your ex-husband is powerful or because you are MAGA?
	Well, you know, it's really hard to say.
	It's kind of strange that every single person who right now not only would be speaking out about the obviously phony election results, but also the fact that, by the way, guys, China is moving to a completely Bitcoin-style currency.
	As of February 2022, I don't know if you guys knew this, but China is moving to a currency that is completely digital.
	And they will be announcing this at the Winter Olympics.
	I don't know if you're covering this.
	We're not covering this.
	You're better at knowing what's going on outside the jail than we are.
	Yeah, well, guess what?
	China's going 100% digital with their currency as of February 2022.
	Kind of fortuitous, isn't it?
	It's a little strange that they're keeping everybody focused on all these other issues and nobody's looking at this currency stuff.
	Kind of makes sense whether they're running up our currency.
	Maybe it's going to implode.
	Let's talk again soon.
	We've got to let you go.
	We've got to get back to the show and leave the paywall.
	Love you guys.
	Love you.
	Bye.
	That's it, folks, for the free part of the show.
	We are now going to go behind the paywall.
	I'm going to go pee.
	Maybe when you come back, you can talk to Maddie.
	And freeloaders, you need to pay $10 a month to hear Censor.tv because it's like this, but much better, And more than you can watch every day.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I feel like I'm a joke.
	You would drink with me.
	You got no plans, so you gotta make me drink mine.
	I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.
	He's gone, tell him you.
	By the way, there's some more great Gav.
	I did a podcast with Big Bear Jew and Miss Tree, which I highly recommend.
	You can send that to your friends.
	Put it on your Facebook.
	Hope you don't get banned.
	Can you pull that up?
	I think a lot of the people who watch this show will have heard all these stories.
	Oh, I'm debuting our cool new shirt.
	Fighting Solves Everything.
	Gavin knows this already.
	Alex, the only way you could get on one is to launch our robot for the first few minutes.
	You got to launch 12 businesses to have one succeed.
	True.
	Anyway, that's called The Bear and Tree Show with special guests, Gavin McInnes.
	Check that out.
	It's a lot of fun.
	All right, let's go behind the paywall, right?
	I mean, sorry, let's.
	We've been drinking quite a bit.
	I think it's fair to concede, right?
	A few babies.
	You know what I was thinking at the bar today, Maddie?
	Yeah.
	Joe was telling, not Joe Tanelli, but the other Joe.
	He told a seven-minute story.
	I go, well, because I had a rat when I was a punk.
	It was a thing you did, right?
	And I noticed it was docile.
	And then I fed it meat once.
	And then it was much more aggressive after that.
	And it would bite me.
	So I just, I got rid of it.
	I can't remember what I did.
	Hope I killed it.
	But he goes, no, that's not true.
	And I go, I'm pretty sure it's true.
	I hate when people say something isn't true with authority.
	He goes, I've had a lot of rats.
	I used to raise rats.
	What?
	So now it's sounding interesting, right?
	But his wife's much older than him, and I don't think she can have babies.
	So they've had tons of pets.
	And he's got that stutter where he's like, so, so, so, so, so, so.
	Well, we did.
	Like, this is a successful dude.
	This isn't a misfit, but he stutters and his stories are too long.
	He tells an eight, nine-minute story about these rats and how this one was sick, and then he went and got a male, and then the female had babies, and then they had to get rid of the babies.
	And I'm just like, Joe, this is the most boring set of stories.
	Like, I don't care about your cat or your dog.
	I care about your rat much less than those kind of pets.
	And you need an ending to the story.
	And then he goes, says the listener, like saying, I must like the story because I'm still listening.
	What do you mean?
	Instead of me running out of the bar screaming?
	I'm like, I'm trying to save your story.
	Who was worse, Tim or Joe?
	Wait, who's Tim again?
	Tactical Wallstim.
	Oh.
	Well, I've always had great conversations with Joe.
	He's the one who told me about the hot water station.
	So everything's like, if you talk about food with a chef, it's going great.
	But the rats was killer.
	And then we come back and I go, and then he keeps talking.
	I go, there's got to be an ending here, my man.
	And he goes, well, we had them all cremated at the cremation place.
	I go, okay, that's big.
	We finally have something in this story.
	What happened to the ashes?
	And he goes, well, she had a horse that she loved.
	Those ashes are like 20 pounds.
	Okay, we're finally nine minutes in.
	We're getting interesting.
	And I go, what happened to the seven rats' ash?
	And he goes, oh, it all goes in the same garbage bag in the box.
	And then when she dies, it has to be spread out in this area she likes.
	And then it's like, okay.
	This is how you tell a story.
	You start with, my wife had our rats cremated and they go in all our animals' cremation ashes.
	And then you could pepper that with, we got these rats, blah, blah, blah.
	I got the male, the female.
	No one cares about that part.
	That part should be a minute 20 max.
	And then we do the ashes, then we're done.
	That's how guys talk to one another.
	And then he goes, well, you seem pretty interested in the story if we're still talking about it.
	I go, no, dude, this is September 12th, 2001.
	I'm going through the wreckage trying to find bodies.
	Trying to escape the meat and potatoes of the story.
	You're fucking disappointed.
	This is a disaster.
	Like, do people not know how to talk?
	You talk, obviously this is different.
	I talk for two hours, but when you're at a bar, you have an ending in mind.
	You take all the pieces.
	You know the ending is like, and then he blew his head off.
	So you have that fun ending in mind.
	And then you talk for like a minute, 30, you gauge your audience, see if you're losing them.
	Then you shut up.
	Zip it.
	Come on now, dog.
	So anyway, as he was talking, I realized, I'm at, just like Censored.tv is the Island of Misfit Toys, I've always been at the Island of Misfit Toys.
	When I was in eighth grade, I was in a special class for kids who were not just stupid, but weird.
	Some of them were smart.
	And I realized that's been my life.
	Like, I don't know if Mr. Gunn at DiAubrey Moody Junior High defined my future by putting me in the weird class for weirdos, but maybe he was right.
	And it's a chicken or the egg at this point.
	But like, our bar is the Island of Misfit Toys.
	And it's not all dummies.
	James is smart.
	Yep.
	We're not retarded.
	But then you have Joe Tonelli, who I see him as a monkey.
	Yeah.
	A baboon.
	He's a baboon.
	Like it, remember those, remember when monkeys were hot in the 80s?
	I don't mean sexy, but like there was BJ and the Bear.
	And there's Clint Eastwood with that baboon.
	Right turn, Clyde.
	Yeah, yeah.
	He'd have a cigarette, and he'd like, with those big lips, they'd like kiss sissy space or whatever.
	Oh, yeah.
	Monkeys were huge when I was a kid.
	Hell yeah.
	He's a smart monkey, a very gifted monkey.
	Yeah, that.
	There he is.
	That's Joe Tonelli.
	Right turn, Clyde.
	Jesus Christ, $106 for a guy.
	Oh, we have some new news, too.
	The front bumper on his car is destroyed.
	Water doesn't do that.
	They found it today.
	They found it.
	Oh, he found it.
	So where, it was at a tow yard?
	Yeah.
	It got towed.
	Cars are in the way.
	And if a car just slowly oozed into water, it would look good, but wet.
	The front bumper, and I'm talking to a mechanic here.
	The front bumper is annihilated.
	So he didn't just ooze past a cop and slowly creep by.
	He went, wham!
	Oh, he hit something.
	And the roof is dented in like this.
	Well, that's funny.
	He pulled Jimmy.
	Right.
	So that's his story, right?
	That's probably 500 pounds between them.
	This is what happened.
	We're slowly piecing together the truth.
	So he gets out of the car.
	He's like, I gotta, I'm an EMT guy.
	What are you crazy?
	Oh, really?
	You serious right now, God?
	What are you kidding me?
	We're doing a fucking giant hurricane?
	They don't call them tornadoes anymore.
	Him and Biden would be, that would be a great debate.
	I think Biden may be smarter.
	Just a little bit.
	So he's like, I gotta save him.
	We're gonna die.
	Meanwhile, it's waist length.
	And say there is a crazy current.
	Where is it going to take you?
	20 yards?
	Like, we're not going into the ocean here.
	So anyway, there's a current.
	So he gets on the roof.
	He dents the roof.
	He's reaching down and grabbing Jimmy's arm.
	Jimmy's getting his seatbelt off.
	And he's like, get the fuck off of me.
	What are you pulling my arm out of the socket for, you fucking arm?
	Jimmy has bruises on his arm.
	And I think it's from Joe yanking him up.
	Meanwhile, Jimmy is 255 pounds.
	He's like, what are you going to do?
	Schloop me up?
	I'm not an eel.
	I'm not a large pair of socks.
	You can't just, I'm not jeans.
	You can't pick me up and schloop me onto the roof.
	I'm 255 pounds, bone dry on the beach.
	Turn around and walk away.
	So Jimmy gets his fucking arms.
	Get off of me.
	Then Jimmy gets out over the top and swims.
	And Joe is like, hey, I got to save you.
	And then they both make it there.
	Some couple, just to show you how undangerous it was, a guy and two women were walking their dog.
	Like, they've got rain gear on.
	The rain is fucking bucketing, but it's cool to go look at.
	And, you know, you can choose where you watch.
	Let's watch the flooding.
	So they go up to Jimmy and they go, your buddy's all in his eyes out.
	And there's Joe Tonelli just sobbing.
	Jesus Christ, Mr. You okay in there?
	But he has no recollection.
	No.
	Well, he's getting a new car for two grand.
	So we've taken, it's now $1,900.
	Yep.
	$1,901.
	What a funny...
	I mean, I obviously hate him because he does stuff like gets a $100 tip on Veterans Day.
	When he's not a veteran.
	When he's never done anything but fought Army ones.
	But if he left my life, I'd be sad.
	I don't want him to go.
	He's entertainment.
	He's entertainment.
	And you don't want to be a bully.
	Like, you don't want to go up to someone in a wheelchair and go, ha ha, Ironsides, you have spaghetti legs.
	That's not fun.
	But when they're a good villain, then you can enjoy bullying, like Scary Perry.
	He deserves every minute for the abuse he gets.
	Very Scary Perry.
	Very Scary Perry.
	Are you familiar with Scary Perry, Maddie?
	No.
	Oh, man.
	Could we pull that on him?
	Like, just like Lee's Little?
	Scary Perry, the guy who does the black guy with the white face?
	No, no.
	Scary Perry is a guy, Perry Caravello.
	It's been a 30-year prank.
	I used to call it a 25-year prank five years ago.
	And they've told him he's going to be in a movie.
	They made the movie where they bullied the shit out of him.
	He was a sports detective.
	They threw him in shit, did all this stuff.
	Johnny Knoxville got involved.
	He was going to be the head of Jackass.
	Scary Perry was.
	They made him do crazy shit there.
	I mean, it's...
	Have you not seen the movie, Maddie?
	I don't think I have.
	You haven't seen Still Game?
	I'm jealous.
	You haven't seen Windy City Heat, which I'll send you.
	I'm jealous.
	This is all fucking gold.
	That's him there?
	Yep.
	Okay.
	This is the movie.
	Let's hear his stand-up.
	This is Joe Tonelli in a West Case, West Coast Joe Tonelli.
	Note they're both Italian.
	Yeah.
	This is the guy operating on you, by the way.
	I got brain damage from a car wreck.
	He did.
	79.
	Back in 79.
	Okay?
	Now, you might be laughing.
	Oh, fuck.
	He's not a drunk.
	You're not watching someone drunk.
	No, it's a shtick.
	Wild as shit.
	But the most fun, when it comes to taking drugs, the on the bottom says, don't take this with alcohol.
	Drink a beer while you're taking a pill.
	You get the best hide ever.
	Look up like Perry Caravello, angry or mad.
	Him losing his temper.
	I went to his house.
	Is that the one you filmed him in his apartment?
	Yes.
	Yes, I see.
	7722 Resident Boulevard.
	I was in his bathroom.
	I just pissed everywhere.
	It was fun.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I've seen this video.
	Oh, there's his manager.
	Oh, another pickle stress thing.
	Pickle stress.
	Oh, my God.
	Here, here.
	I don't need these fucking things.
	Well, that's for stress.
	Oh, and look at somebody.
	I've watched this man get old.
	I first got into Windy City Heat in like 2002.
	Somebody like ordered these from the back of like.
	Oh my god, I've been watching this loser for almost 20 years.
	Stink bombs.
	Stink bombs.
	You see these?
	Stink bombs.
	They fucking stink.
	No, I want to matter, dude.
	Look at the screening of Windy City Heat with Perry Caravello.
	Mole and Don Barris.
	Now I'm getting sucked back into it.
	It's hard not to.
	Oh, my God.
	I do remember this little light.
	I've gone back and watched you go to his apartment.
	He sees me as William Randall person.
	I shouldn't have been pissed in his bathrooms right there by the kitchen.
	Those two big-ass shakes at the studio.
	Go to the bathroom.
	Go to the bathroom.
	There we go.
	That's what I'm looking for.
	Go to the bathroom.
	Damn him.
	Damn him.
	Look at his apartment.
	He just has random flyers taped to his wall.
	He's older than me.
	Joe Tonelli being the next Perry Calaveral is such a good idea.
	I mean, like, the nugget, his soul is, it's like the same soul.
	Okay.
	Time to do it.
	First, we give him a show.
	It's like that dude Ted I was telling you about who we convinced to bury What was it like peppers in his lawn and then he he pissed his pants.
	You know that story, right?
	I told y'all on the show We saw we did the stupid parlor game where you can guess what the band is in your head So the band's Led Zeppelin and you listen to the letter after okay.
	So okay, let's do this.
	I need you to try to figure out the band I'm thinking of, okay?
	Everyone knows this band.
	Okay.
	You can do it.
	I'm trusting you.
	Try to see in my brain.
	Okay?
	Don't give up.
	So now you got L-E-D.
	Oh.
	Led.
	Sounding like Led Zeppelin.
	You don't have to do it long.
	Ted, have I told this story on the show?
	I don't remember this one.
	Really?
	This is the scary part.
	I might not recognize it yet, and then it will.
	Okay, well, we'll bore the viewers with yet another story repeating.
	By the way, The Rolling Stones have been playing the same songs since 1968.
	So when I repeat a story, enjoy it.
	It's satisfaction, literally.
	There you go.
	This could be the last time.
	So we used to do that to get pussy.
	We'd shock girls with this dumb parlor trick.
	And you'd be in another room.
	Like you tell the girls Led Zeppelin in another room.
	Right.
	And then I come out and I, or you come out and you do the okay trick.
	It's retarded.
	Hey, you're cool.
	So we do that in front of Ted.
	And this is after Jeff Jensen had seen Windy City Heat and he wanted his own Scary Perry, as many do.
	Lots of people got involved in Scary Perry.
	I think Richie Cunningham's son did for a while.
	Rob Schneider, the shortest guy from Lord of the Rings.
	Anyway, Jimmy Kimmel was the money behind it.
	He produced Windy City Heat, lost a fortune.
	But so he starts going, it's fucked up how you and Curtis have that power, man.
	It's crazy.
	And they go, yeah, we're freaked out by it too.
	We started, we read this satanic Bible thing and this verse and we were like, this is stupid.
	This isn't real.
	But then we started getting these powers and we thought, there's got to be ramifications.
	I mean, this is too easy.
	And bad shit started happening to us.
	So we don't know how to undo it now.
	We got magic from the devil, I guess.
	And now we're in over our heads in voodoo.
	So then he has a bunch of bad shit happen to him.
	I think his mom gets breast cancer and he gets hit by a drunk driver that basically rips his ass cheeks off and he's got to sit on a $900 pillow for three weeks.
	It's like made up of these individual leather tubes.
	Oh, Jesus.
	And so he starts freaking out.
	And he goes, guys, I need you to reduce this spell.
	I don't want this spell anymore.
	And they go, what spell?
	You were just in the room when we were using our voodoo.
	We don't want this voodoo anymore.
	Is this ringing any bells yet, Ryan?
	No.
	Oh, fuck.
	I can't believe I've never told this story.
	So he's like, guys, I don't fucking, I lost my ass, literally.
	My mom is sick.
	I hear what's happening to you is fucked up.
	And they pretended they lost their job and their parents died, whatever.
	So he goes, I need to undo it.
	So they start like looking up satanic Bible shit just for fun.
	And apparently there's some stuff about burying a pepper.
	I don't know, some weird like buccha lochia pepper with a full moon and it has to be buried in your, on your property.
	So he's like, I got to wait for the full fucking full moon.
	So he eventually buries his pepper in his lawn under full moon.
	So then they come up with this great idea where they're going to scare the living shit out of him in the basement because Jeff had a two-floor apartment way out in East New York, which was beautiful apartment in a shitty area.
	Fucking two-floor.
	We'll scare him in the basement and we'll have a party up on the second floor.
	So when he runs upstairs, we'll open the door and go, surprise!
	It was all a joke.
	And we'll have chicks there and beer and parties and coke and it'll be super fun.
	So they set up the basement with pentagrams on the ground, candles everywhere.
	Our buddy Doug, these are all band members from my cover band 80s Hardcore.
	He's got this druid cloak on.
	Oh.
	They have Latin shit going, is for Atu, Nis not Mahato, Siris Onatu.
	And he has a knife.
	Jeff is stripped down to his underwear, and he's got a bandana in his mouth, and he's blindfolded, covered in fake blood, and he's strapped to a chair going, so our buddy,
	this is still no bells?
	No.
	This is great.
	Somebody in the chat was like, I've never heard this before.
	Dude, it gets better.
	So our buddy Tim was a drummer, not in our band, but he goes, yeah, I got to go by Jeff's house and get some symbols.
	But I got $100 from that gig last night.
	So beer's on me, man.
	Let's party.
	Ted's like, oh, fuck, that's fucking awesome, man.
	So you got to come with me, though, get the symbols.
	Yeah, yeah, I don't fucking care.
	So They get in the van and they go there.
	And he had the cellar doors, Jeff did.
	So you can go right directly into his basement.
	So he opens the cellar doors, which is allegedly the sweetest phrase in the English language.
	And it goes down the stairs.
	He opens the door.
	Showtime.
	So Doug has the knife.
	You can't see Doug's face.
	And Jeff has the blood all over him.
	He's like, oh, oh, oh.
	And he can sort of through his bandages see Ted.
	And he's like, oomph, oomph, oomph, screaming for help from Ted, who obviously is too much of a pussy to help him.
	He's not going to karate chop the fucking demons.
	He's worried about Ted.
	So again, candles everywhere.
	The room is bright.
	The room is like rich.
	There's like a hundred candles.
	Pentagram, goat head, like not a real goat head, but a drawing.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So Ted.
	Baphomy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Ted has a fucking meltdown.
	He runs.
	He starts crying.
	Now, this is, I would guess we were 34 years old around this time.
	All of us, 34, 35.
	He starts crying.
	And upstairs, by the way, the girls can hear what's going on downstairs.
	And they're like, this isn't funny anymore.
	You guys are mean.
	And then Matt Sweeney, my buddy at the time, guards the door and he goes, we have put way too much work into this.
	There's no fucking way you bitches are ruining anything.
	I don't care if he kills them.
	We're getting our money's worth.
	Let's go to the end.
	So he's fighting off the girls and the guys are just upstairs going like, what a pussy.
	I can hear him crying.
	He runs upstairs.
	He opens the door.
	Everyone goes, surprise.
	He's pissed his khakis.
	Oh, my lord.
	So you can see, like, you know, on beige pants, you can see the piss.
	So he's pissed his khakis.
	Everyone can see the piss.
	He's bawling his eyes out.
	His face is covered in tears.
	And he doesn't even get the surprise.
	He thinks maybe the surprise is that we're all Satanists too.
	So like girls are like, it's just a, and he's like shoving them out of the way.
	Dude, he runs to Queens.
	Like Forrest Gump.
	No fucking way.
	We're in East New York.
	We're like, take Williamsburg, Bushwick, keep going east when it starts getting scary.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, East New York can RCO.
	Yeah, it's still on the L line, so it's like maybe three stops after Lorimer, right?
	We're way the fuck out there.
	He goes north running, crying, piss, chafing his legs, crying, screaming all the way to Queens.
	It must have been like a two-hour marathon.
	I mean, it's probably 10 miles.
	Jesus Christ.
	I wish I would have been there.
	Curtis and I, the next day when we heard about the running to Queens, we both go, he's got to move.
	He can't be here.
	He can't stay here anymore.
	I'm sorry.
	It's dangerous to have somebody that's hard.
	Like, change your name.
	Move to Morocco and become a Muslim.
	Change your name to Muhammad Muhammad.
	And he did.
	He moved to Detroit.
	Same thing.
	Which is basically.
	Which is basically the coming nowhere.
	There's no coming back from crying and pissing your pants because your friends have been taken over by Satan.
	Who's magic?
	And from hell.
	He came up here.
	He gave you, first Satan gave you a magic parlor trick where you can guess the band led Zeppelin.
	That's his little door to get in.
	Not abortion or like murder or fucking meth where you like have sex with underage.
	Nothing genuinely satanic.
	Just guessing a band name.
	That's his portal.
	And then he moves in and possesses your friends and they chop each other's heads off and have ceremonies.
	What?
	And they cowers in the corner, pisses his pants, and runs the queens.
	Hysterical, screaming.
	I hope I'm conveying how hysterical he was.
	Oh, I can imagine.
	Like, imagine he was being tased.
	I can imagine.
	Wouldn't it be funny if that pepper he buried in his backyard is a beautiful jalapeno tree today?
	The jalapeno tree of fear.
	It grew into a Chipotle restaurant.
	Devil peppers.
	I don't think there's anybody that gullible I've ever known.
	That's insane.
	I remember when Baked Alaska, when your brother convinced you.
	Well, there's you, Ryan.
	No, I'm not that.
	Well, how about the time I convinced you that my wife got Fireball, the booze, tattooed as a neck tattoo?
	And we had a huge fight about it, and I was staying in a motel on our vacation because I was so mad at my wife for tattooing Fireball on her neck.
	That seems something...
	That seems like less of a thing that's crazy to me.
	I don't know.
	She's like, she's like, you have to have blood and satanic rituals.
	Yeah, it's not as bad as satanic rituals, but my nice middle American, Native American wife, just fucking fireball.
	But she used to be like a punk and she's like cool.
	She's still cool, listens to cool music.
	So I'm like, maybe she's like.
	Is it cool to get a fireball tattoo on your neck?
	Well, that would be kind of like a psychotic break or something.
	But like, the way you listen to her.
	So then I would like, she'd be in the Bellevue.
	She'd be a lunatic.
	The dopest tattoo ever.
	You know, Jeff, the guy who started that whole prank, introduced me to a gentleman named Shit Happens Rob, who got married, got into a fight with his wife's family.
	Massive brawl breaks out at the wedding.
	At the end of the brawl, everyone's covered in blood, broken noses, and she goes, we're getting a divorce.
	So he was married for like eight hours.
	So the next day, he got a tattoo that just said, shit happens.
	There you go.
	And he became known as shit happens robbed.
	Damn, man.
	Look him up.
	See if he appears.
	He just died, actually.
	Oh, geez.
	But of some weird disease.
	Because shit happens.
	I think he had a heart operation where two laser cords went up his groin.
	Matty, that was...
	Two weeks, two weeks, the 22nd.
	Underrated how funny that was.
	He's like, yeah, he died.
	And then Matty's like, shit happens.
	It does happen.
	Oh, I was too busy making my heart attack joking.
	I've definitely.
	Do you have the email from Maddie?
	Seen a lot of shit happen.
	So, no shit happens, Rob.
	Shit happens, Rob.
	That's so he's a famous man.
	No, not at all.
	But you think you'd appear somewhere on the internet.
	Yeah.
	And it was Comic Sands.
	I don't want to disparage the dead, but.
	Not even like Shit Happens Rob Brooklyn, maybe?
	No.
	How could he not exist?
	What?
	Oh, no.
	What's that?
	What is that?
	Mad Skills release of murder, murder.
	Murder, murder.
	Oh, well.
	I guess you can be off the grid.
	Off the grid.
	All right, let's take calls after we see what's going up Maddie's crotch and down his neck.
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay.
	Maddie's last episode.
	Oh, did you talk about it?
	Next week is good.
	You can't do the show if you're dead.
	The 22nd.
	We don't do cadaver shows.
	That's one of our rules.
	I'll Skype from the hospital room.
	Okay, well, that'll be your last episode.
	But that'll be post-operation.
	You'll be dead.
	Post.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'll be laid up.
	New York City.
	Maybe we can weekend at Bernie's U. So what's amazing about this picture is this is after the cords went up your crotch.
	Right.
	If you look at, there's one coming down from the top, one of the white lines.
	No, go back to me.
	Yeah.
	This one.
	You got three coming up from the bottom because they go through each femoral vein there.
	Then you got the one that comes down from the top.
	So this is the laser.
	So this right here is burning tissue.
	You see how it's leaving like a scar on the inside of the left atria?
	Yeah.
	As the white stuff scars?
	Yes.
	So it's scarring tissue up here.
	Yeah, it's burning the inside.
	And this is just for puncturing holes.
	Yeah, there's a needle in there that punctures it.
	Is it a needle and a camera?
	No.
	It's all done under an x-ray.
	Like there's a guy in a command center.
	Oh, my God.
	And he's watching it go through my veins, and they're directing the guys in the operating room.
	So there's no camera?
	I've had it go up through my groin through a camera before, cardiac catheter.
	But not this time.
	No, this is going not through my arteries, through my veins.
	Because they're going into the right side of my arteries.
	Are they inside the vein or just next to the vein?
	Inside.
	Inside.
	Why are you playing the chili peppers?
	Scar tissue.
	Scar tissue.
	Shut the fuck up.
	Yeah, they're going to scar the inside.
	Are there other pictures or that's just the only one?
	That's the only one?
	That's like the basic.
	I can show you where they come.
	Because one comes down from a jugular.
	Wait a minute.
	If the needle thing is in a vein, how is it puncturing it?
	It's in a catheter.
	It's like in a tube.
	And the tube's...
	So it's going next to the vein.
	It's not in the vein.
	It's in the vein.
	But the vein isn't puncturing that wall.
	It must leave the vein at some point.
	The needle's retracted inside the sheath, the catheter, so it can't do any damage.
	I understand that.
	But they wire that.
	When the vein hits the wall, then the needle comes out and punctures all.
	So it leaves the vein.
	Right.
	It leaves the vein and goes into my right atrium.
	You're dead, man.
	All right, hold on.
	This is it.
	Put that piece of rock.
	If you look here.
	Here, come over here.
	This is Maddie's explaining what killed him.
	No, no, you got to come back with me.
	Come back behind me.
	Oh, you could turn on your lav, too.
	This right here will...
	These come up through my femoral veins.
	Now this is the catheter with a camera, and that is the laser.
	These white ones that come down through here, this is going to come down through my jugular vein.
	And this is the lab dot on.
	So this is the needle is this.
	You see this one here?
	That's the needle.
	This right here is what gets hot and burns.
	See this white line here that burns it.
	These kind of like map the way to go in.
	This comes down from my jugular vein.
	This one comes up through my left leg.
	This one comes up from my right leg.
	And they go in there and they spread this open so that this comes up.
	This is a divider between my right atria and my left atria.
	So it punctures a hole.
	This one here has a needle in it.
	It punctures a hole through that.
	And these two go through and it starts doing the scarring.
	But my underlying heart condition, you see these here and all that, that's to keep this open.
	But this is where my main heart condition is, the left ventricle, because it doesn't pump enough blood.
	But up here, because the electrical current that goes through my heart kind of fluctuates, so it's atrial fibrillation.
	So like my heart will just like quiver.
	It doesn't like pump like how it's supposed to.
	So that's going to make the electrical current go down and come through and go in the right direction and strengthen this wall of the heart.
	Because this heart, this chamber was stretched out and kind of fucked up in a bad way.
	And this is genetics.
	Nothing to do with the incredible amount of drugs you did as a person.
	Oh, I did tons of crystal meth and cocaine and all sorts of party drugs.
	But that didn't hurt your heart.
	Oh, I'm sure it contributed, sure.
	But the underlying, what they call, I have a condition called biventricular cardiomyopathy.
	That means this part of my heart here and this part of my heart here don't pump enough blood to supply my buddy with enough oxygenated blood.
	Your buddy?
	Who's your buddy?
	My body, my buddy, my buddy.
	So all these things are coming in from my jugular, from my veins, from my moral veins through here, and then they're going to punch a hole through this where it separates the left and the right, and they're going to go in there and scar it up.
	Science.
	It's too complicated.
	It's Not going to work.
	$3,035.
	What is the cost of that to the taxpayer?
	Oh.
	Oh, my medical bills are in the millions.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	What do you think he's going to get?
	Who's the Italian guy doing it?
	Oh, Luigi DiBiasi is the sergeant who's taking care of me.
	We've been watching Scary Perry and Joe Tonelli, so I wouldn't be too confident.
	But I wonder what's his check like the next day?
	I wish they would give me a 10% kickback.
	My gut says $350,000.
	Well, when I was in the hospital with COVID for 10 days, it was probably 50 grand.
	I guess there's different circumstances, though.
	There's probably doctors who just get paid an annual salary from the hospital.
	In 2017, when I first had my episode and was diagnosed with my cardiomyopathy, I was in the critical cardiac unit for like 12 to 14 days.
	Like that alone was ridiculous amounts of money.
	Ridiculous.
	I wonder how much the guy gets.
	Oh, him?
	I know a doctor who watches the show.
	Maybe he's watching now.
	Maybe.
	Well, then I had the implant too back in February 2020.
	That was probably $800,000.
	$700 in my chest.
	$8,300.
	$40,000.
	$40,000, $45.
	$86,783.
	They don't call it that anymore.
	They don't call them tornadoes anymore.
	You're calling.
	Cyclones.
	Okay, let's take some calls.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Mark, talking about baby fever.
	Baby.
	Mark, you're on the line.
	What's going on, Mark?
	Hey, what's going on, guys?
	Hey, this one's for Ryan.
	What's the matter with BMS?
	I'm going to be on the way, right?
	I got a baby on the way.
	Ryan, you got a baby on the way, right?
	Oh, they can't hear because I'm not on the mic.
	Yep.
	Ryan said he's saying yes.
	He's hooking up.
	He's a great thing.
	I just want to recommend if you look up the baby barriza, highly recommend.
	I just had my daughter the other year, and the wife wanted to get it.
	It was like 200 bucks or something like that.
	And I was like, we're only going to make bottles for a couple of months.
	I don't see the point in spending that much.
	But let me tell you, buddy, you get this thing, lifesaver.
	You're definitely going to enjoy it.
	It's going to save so much time.
	It seems simple making a bottle, but just wanted to throw that out there.
	So how's it?
	Baby barista?
	The baby barista?
	Yeah, baby bariza.
	Let me see what.
	You keep saying barista.
	That doesn't.
	It's bariza.
	Oh, bariza.
	Baby B-R-E-S.
	Oh, you mean like when they get older and you can make them shakes and shit?
	No.
	There's all the formula in the top, and then you load it up, and then you fill it with water, and then you need a bottle.
	It's 2 a.m.
	Yeah, it's easy.
	Press a button and it pulls it in.
	I think we're doing strictly titty milk.
	Yeah, you'll do titty milk, but she'll give up after a while.
	She's going to give up on that.
	She's going to give up.
	She'll do a year at the most.
	Thanks for attacking.
	Just set it up, Ryan.
	All right, thanks, buddy.
	So we're in an unfortunate situation where we used up all the mics, right?
	Yeah.
	But, Ryan, while you sit here at your job looking at your phone, shouldn't you be figuring out a way where me, Maddie, and you can have a voice?
	Yeah, so I could switch.
	I was looking something up, but I could switch so that way he could hear me.
	But as far as these road mics go, there's only two per unit.
	There's this labyrinthian way.
	I looked up this guy.
	It was a black gamer.
	He was like, I found a way to do it.
	Took me a little bit of money, took me a little bit of time, but I did it.
	And I was like, it sounds like such a pain in the ass, and I usually don't even speak on these things.
	But what I'll do is I'll take the, well, to the callers.
	So wait, I don't understand that previous call.
	Formula is just powder.
	Let me, yeah.
	Oh, that's very.
	Well, you put it in, well, you want to have warm water to dissolve the powder into liquid.
	Okay.
	You don't want to do it with cold water.
	You put a glass in the microwave for 30 seconds, pour it in, you shake it up.
	It looked like a Kerrig coffee machine.
	Yeah, it looked way too involved.
	And then you can buy the formula, what's that, like Sirac, whatever it's called?
	Similac.
	Similac.
	That's already ready to rock.
	Have you ever tasted breast milk?
	Yeah, I think so.
	I have.
	Is it good?
	I'll never forget that when I was married, my son was born, probably six to eight months after.
	And, you know, we're getting busy in the bedroom and stuff.
	All of a sudden, I'm like, holy shit.
	I get a whole mouthful of milk.
	I'm like, what?
	Because you sucked her tits?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So she didn't believe me.
	So I had to suck out a whole mouthful and spit it in a cup and shovel her.
	It's like, look, I swear to God.
	But oh, it's very sweet.
	It's like a milky gray almost color.
	It's not like pure white.
	It's like a milky gray color.
	But it's super, super sweet.
	Dude, you're making me horny.
	Yeah.
	That's gay.
	If you make your friends horny, it's gay.
	No, that's it.
	It was a good time.
	Yeah, that thing seems like a waste of time, but okay.
	She just texted me.
	She said she's not going to give up.
	She's very gung-ho on the breast.
	All right.
	Oh, she's watching the show.
	Two thumbs up.
	Okay, great.
	English James watching the show, too.
	My mom breastfed me until I was 13.
	Wow.
	That's not typical.
	You have to leave the mother's tip.
	And sometimes I'd be out with my buddies, like my friends playing baseball, and I'd be like, mom, I'm starving.
	And she'd come by, and I would just like, I don't think that's healthy.
	As my friends would see here.
	As my friends would puke.
	Over in the background.
	In the dugout.
	No, we didn't play baseball in Canada.
	It was soccer.
	This guy says he's a doctor.
	He emailed us.
	I can probably answer any of the medical stuff you guys are referring to.
	What's the number to call in?
	I'll call in.
	You want him?
	Okay, it's on the screen.
	Yeah, we want to talk to him.
	All right.
	we have Robert.
	Robbie.
	What's going on, Robbie?
	We robs.
	Jobby.
	And this one is eating the poo-poo all over the place.
	That's really good.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that was better than I can do.
	Why are you gay?
	Why are you gay?
	When are you guys going to do the sensor presents with the milk crate challenge?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, I was thinking about doing that.
	You know what would be cool?
	I was thinking about doing that with a.
	You know, these theater things where you have a brace on with a cord and you set that up and I just do it unbelievably perfectly and then maybe go backwards and then start dancing.
	Oh, I see.
	That's the only way to do that job.
	That would go violent.
	But yeah, I'm not into that.
	Have you seen some of the wrist-breaking and unconscious bodies that that game begets?
	It's for retards.
	What game is that?
	The milk crate?
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Milk Crate Challenge.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You have seven in the middle, and then you go down six, five, four, two, one.
	And they walk up and down.
	I think whites might be better at it than blacks.
	It doesn't seem too difficult.
	Every time I see the winner, they're white.
	That might be a thing.
	I'd be up for the challenge.
	There was that thing that only females could do in the family.
	All in the family.
	Remember where you put a chair against the wall, and you lift it up and back away.
	Women can do it, men can't.
	Yeah.
	Also, giving birth and menstruating.
	Yes.
	I think that's debatable in 2021.
	The chair thing stands out.
	Well, not according to AOC, who talks about people's periods.
	Menstruating people's periods.
	People.
	I don't bleed out of any orifice.
	Well, you do when you get stabbed.
	She's bleeding out of her eyes.
	In her whatever.
	What?
	She's bleeding out of her eyes and her whatever?
	No, not you.
	Matt.
	I've been stabbed.
	Right.
	In the neck.
	No fun.
	Did it go into your mouth?
	Oh, yeah.
	I would drink it.
	It would pour out.
	Fuck.
	Are you serious?
	Oh, yeah.
	Fuck that.
	Did you just say fuck that to make it stop?
	No, no, no.
	I'll send you a picture.
	You must have to get stitches like here, here, like in every part of your...
	You can't just stitch the top and the bottom.
	There's all kinds of stuff in between.
	My son hit his head really hard when he was a baby, not a baby, but like two.
	And he had to get stitched at the base, stitch the muscle, and then stitch the...
	He had to have layers of stitches.
	That's a forehead.
	You must have had 37 things that need to be stitched up.
	It was a...
	Why did you get stabbed?
	I was in a fight with a Filipino drug dealer.
	That'll do it.
	Over what?
	Crystal meth.
	Who was right?
	Who was wrong?
	What was the beef?
	Of course I was right.
	Oh, my God.
	What was the problem?
	Somebody, she kept opening...
	A girl was in charge of the operation.
	And she kept mentioning my name to other people.
	And I had warned her not to.
	Right.
	So when a guy came to make a delivery, I said, what the fuck is going on?
	The girl's name was Lisa.
	I said, what the fuck is going on?
	Blah, blah, blah.
	So, unfortunately, we were in my apartment, my house, and I had grabbed him, pulled me close to choke him, and he had caught me this way.
	Oh, so it didn't go straight in.
	It was more of a shoop.
	It was up and in and hit the bone of my jaw.
	Right there.
	That's pretty deep.
	That looks very brutal.
	My God.
	So the funny story is, I go to the emergency room and my brother's on the job.
	Your brother's a cop.
	So now when you go to the emergency room and you're saying you have this kind of wound, they're not stupid.
	They want to know what happened, where it happened.
	So I'm just, no, no, no, no.
	So they automatically notify the police.
	They come.
	My brother walks into the room.
	First, a cop that I knew my entire life comes and goes, yeah, I heard your name over the radio, so I can't.
	He goes, looks like you got a baby's bum on your face.
	And he goes, oh, by the way, your brother's on his way over here, but I'm out of here before he gets here.
	So my brother walks in.
	He looks at me.
	He goes, what happened?
	I said, ah, cut myself shaving.
	He goes, you're a dick.
	He turns around and walks away.
	What else are you going to do?
	A Filipino drug dealer stabbed me because we're having a disagreement about Crystal Man.
	And he was basically snitching via his girlfriend who was mentioning my name too much.
	Yeah.
	Okay, we'll get right on it, Brother Odell.
	Exactly.
	All right, next call.
	You're on the line.
	You got that doctor, by the way?
	Yeah, I thought he was calling in.
	Robert?
	I'll look for him.
	I will forget things within like 30 seconds.
	416, you're on the line.
	Oh, yeah.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hey, what's up?
	Can he hear us?
	That was our Skype doing a thing.
	Okay.
	So have you lost you?
	Yeah, I gotta reconnect Skype.
	416 is Skype crashed?
	416 is Toronto.
	Toronto.
	Was what happened your fault or shit?
	This is gonna take a second.
	I gotta re-up the phones.
	Uh-oh.
	It was meant to re-like redid it, but we did change the card recently, right?
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Shit.
	Alright, so I'll get on that.
	I'll add my card for now.
	No, I can give you the card.
	Alright.
	Fucking tarred.
	Again, these are all things that you can do when you're sitting on your ass.
	It landed wrong.
	Skype cut off in the middle?
	Well, we have to pay for these calls.
	Ryan, the card is on the carpet.
	I have to go to the site first to go to the pay thing.
	So you were dealing meth with him.
	Yeah, we were importing five pounds a month.
	How does it come?
	I usually get it in shipments in the mail.
	That sounds really risky.
	Well, we opened up a an auto parts store in Arizona that would package it up and put it in like auto parts parts with charcoal paper.
	They would factory seal it and send it out as auto parts stores.
	But it came directly from Mexico.
	So it's coming from Mexico.
	How is it arriving from Mexico?
	Just as I mean, I don't even, I did crystal math by accident.
	The biggest drug dealer in the country right now, literally, is the United States Postal Office.
	So what does it look like when it arrives in Arizona?
	Humongous chunks.
	Literally.
	I could show you a video.
	Humongous chunks of what?
	Like rock?
	Yeah.
	So it looks like diamonds or whatever?
	Oh, yeah.
	Uncut diamonds?
	So that sounds like the biggest, riskiest part right there.
	No.
	Well, it's all wrapped in charcoal paper and spell-proof stuff.
	So there's an auto parts place in Mexico?
	No, no, no.
	We opened just a fake...
	Okay, I get that part.
	So you have a fake auto parts place.
	They wrap it up there.
	They break it up into chunks, whatever you do.
	I get that.
	But Mexico to Arizona, what's in the box?
	Just a bunch of giant rocks?
	Yeah.
	Literally.
	Well, isn't that...
	Like, I've had chunks, not to, like, like, one solid piece and one solid piece, like 60 grams, 70 grams.
	So they look like...
	Like softballs.
	Like softballs.
	Yeah.
	So this auto port store would get...
	It was wrapped in carbon and stuff, but it was just big.
	Well, they would traffic it by land into Arizona.
	Oh, that's the part I didn't get.
	Okay, okay, I got you.
	I got you.
	Because we were dealing straight away with the Sonoma.
	So is it in an 18-wheeler or just like someone's van or whatever?
	It would just get delivered in Tucson.
	So it could be in a car?
	How they got it there is beyond me, but I know when we started getting shipments clipped in the mail, because it was $15,000 a pound.
	You know, we were spending like $75,000 a month.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	So once start, they're getting clipped now occasionally the government workers because the post office government workers are the laziest people in the fucking world.
	They're not doing anything.
	Including Biden.
	Every now and then, and the fact that two of the Filipino people worked in the post office in New Jersey where they were getting shipped to, so they would make sure that they got through.
	But every now and then, you'd lose one, you know, two or three patents, but that's 30 grand.
	But how would you lose it?
	It would get intercepted.
	It would get caught.
	It would get X-rayed or drug dog or whatever.
	So once you start losing more than like two or three, you know, the cartel wants to know what's going on.
	They sent people out to Arizona.
	They sent people to New Jersey.
	People out to Arizona to talk to the post office?
	No, no, no, no, no, no.
	To the auto parts store.
	Who are like, yo, what the fuck is going on?
	Where's our money?
	Where's our product?
	Okay, they'll tolerate a couple of shipments that it get caught in the mail.
	I got no email, Ryan.
	It's a great time to be dealing with this.
	Fucking Jesus, H, motherfucking Christ.
	For folks' sakes.
	My last email is go fund me at 9 p.m.
	That's going around and around and around.
	So what was happening to those packages?
	The post office cops were catching them.
	Yeah, the federal, the postal.
	How are they getting them, though?
	Like, I got a bad feeling about this rack and pinion steering.
	Well, we would send them to different locations and different...
	Now, you have to understand something.
	The people that you would different, you would pay for different people's addresses to get shipments made to.
	So now you're like, okay, did they clip them?
	Did the government take them?
	So I started getting direct shipments to where I live in the village.
	And it's funny, one day my cousin Michael's like, oh, you got a package here for you.
	And I used to use one specific name called Roy Baker.
	That was a name that, an alias that used, whatever.
	If I knew it was Roy Baker, I knew what it was.
	So it came with a birthday card and a big thing, and it had like an electrical converter.
	You plug it into the car lighter, and it would change it from 12 volts to 115 volts.
	You could plug stuff in.
	But you have to take the unit apart, and inside it would be wrapped in charcoal paper, and there would be, you know, half a pound of crystal meth inside.
	And the charcoal paper is to dissuade dogs and stuff?
	Smell, yeah.
	But then when I got caught in 2018, dude, I would get it.
	It would be folded up in regular printer paper with perfume sprayed on it, and it would come in an overnight express mail.
	What year was that?
	2018.
	That sounds insanely dangerous.
	I like the power box thing.
	We got to dismantle it.
	No, no, no, yeah.
	This was crazy.
	It was literally like folded in print, like regular 11 by 8.5 with perfume sprayed on it and shipped out.
	And you never really got caught for that.
	No, no, no, no, never.
	Now, also, if you see the video that I sent you there, there was a company I was dealing with in California called Fire Tanks, and it was CBD vape cartridges.
	Not CBD, it was THC vape cartridges.
	And this company was like the Lamborghini of vape cartridges.
	And from this is how I actually got caught because the cop who came to my house that night with the knife and everything saw the vape cartridges on my dresser.
	Right.
	That gave him probable cause to enter because he knew those were THC.
	How did he know those were THC?
	He didn't know, he knew by sight because, you know, there's a whole network.
	It's called Fusion Centers.
	They get told what's going on, what the latest crazes are.
	It's information sharing.
	So to be clear, folks at home, I don't know if we ever told this story, but Maddie Was out of the meth game, or no, you're still in the meth game?
	No, I was out of it, and then the guy that I was living with, you know, enjoyed crystal meth, and he said, Oh, you know, you know, everything.
	So I said, You know what?
	Let me make a few phone calls.
	I got back into it, and I started ordering, you know, a quarter of a pound at a time and stuff like that.
	And you had been out of prison for how long?
	Oh, I had been out of prison for, I got out of federal prison in 2011.
	Oh, okay.
	And I got locked in.
	I was out of prison for about seven years.
	Okay.
	And I, you know, I got gotten back, like, had a little disagreement with my ex-wife, and she called the police.
	I had to do like 30 days for harassment.
	But nothing like, you know, we had an argument on the phone.
	Our son got in trouble in school because he hit a teacher or something like that.
	Right, right, right.
	So other than...
	You helped him out.
	You got him some meth.
	You were yelling at your son on the phone.
	So he was paying $100 for a half a gram.
	So I said, I can get it for you for $75 a gram.
	So I said, all right, start.
	I told my guys, send me like four ounces, a quarter of a pound.
	I said, send me four ounces at a time.
	You know, it was probably four, so two, four, six, about $8,000 worth at a time.
	So he hears you screaming at your son.
	My dad screamed at me the way Scottish people do.
	He's at the house.
	Me and him have...
	He used to love to get all whacked, like tuned up and tweaked out.
	And he would go out and he would fire up his tractor and all these diesel things and it would blow into my room.
	Like we had this big million-dollar carriage house that we used to live in.
	And we used to rent the first floor out to free rooms to certain people.
	So we were the caretakers of the property and stuff.
	Hold on a sec.
	Hold on a sec.
	Ryan, Maddie's blurry.
	Did you focus him before we started the show?
	Yep.
	Yeah, I'm pretty good.
	Let me see.
	That looks blurry to me.
	My name is Blurry Face Soviet.
	Oh, okay.
	I'm sorry.
	You're right.
	I'm wrong.
	Our calls are back.
	Calls are on.
	So keep doing the story, though.
	So, you know, I had a business going on, and we had acquired a 53-foot truck trailer body with a Thermal King refrigeration unit on it.
	So like 11 o'clock that night, he came into my room.
	He's like, oh, could you send me, he's like, I went there to work on the truck, on the trailer.
	He goes, I didn't know how to start or anything.
	So I sent him all the quick step, how to start it and run it and all the information on the unit.
	So it's like 11 o'clock at night.
	And he looks at me and he goes, hey, do you have anything I could party with?
	So I go, yeah, go in my room across the hall.
	I said, on the dresser, there's whatever.
	Plenty of mess.
	Tons of crystal meth.
	So he goes in there, he does it, and he goes, all right, I'll talk to you.
	So it's probably like 11.30, 12 o'clock at night.
	So now I'm trying to get in touch with my son.
	I'm calling and calling.
	So now I'm leaving vehement, angry.
	Where the fuck are you?
	We had a deal.
	Why the fuck do I got to call you 10 times?
	You don't pick up the fucking phone.
	I'm your father.
	Answer the fucking phone.
	So he's all fucking tweaked out.
	And he starts.
	When you get that whacked out, you're up for a couple days.
	He, unbeknownst to me, I'm in my room.
	He leaves the fucking house.
	He goes out and he calls the police.
	And he says he's terrified to go back in the house.
	He just wants an escort to go and get his dog and his clothes.
	He thinks there's a monster in the house.
	There is a monster.
	There's a baby monster.
	He's not a monster.
	But he's already known me for 25 years.
	Right, but he doesn't know it's you.
	He thinks there's a monster.
	Like a real monster.
	He knows how I can, you know, that is what it is.
	But he doesn't think that's you yelling.
	He thinks it's a monster.
	I don't know what it is.
	But he's so, he's been up for a few.
	He's been up for a few days.
	Let's put it that way.
	Now, it's about 3.34 o'clock in the morning now.
	I hear all this noise, which is not uncommon because he's got a 135-pound Rottweiler named Harley.
	So I hear all this noise come clunking up the stairs.
	So I think it's him.
	So I just hung up the phone with my son because I left another angry voice message.
	And I got the black.
	So I brought a little karamit.
	That's a karamit.
	So that's what a karamit looks like.
	But it was black.
	But it's plastic.
	Composite.
	Well, it was composite.
	Plastic.
	But it was cutsy in a heartbeat.
	So I have this in my hand.
	I'm playing with it.
	I'm swinging it around.
	So I swing my bedroom door.
	It's four o'clock in the morning.
	I'm not expecting four nurseshoe cops to be sitting there.
	And you're not on meth.
	Well, I might have been a little bit.
	I'm not going to.
	I still partake once in a while.
	So anyway, I'm sitting there.
	So I swing the door open and I got the black knife like this in my hand.
	And I go, oh, shit.
	So like, one guy recognized me.
	He goes, Maddie.
	He goes, what are you doing?
	So, oh, I said, it's plastic.
	Don't worry about it, you know.
	So now they said, we need to talk to you.
	So I go, okay.
	So I go to step out of my room to close the door.
	I don't want them to come in because there's crystal meth on my dresser.
	And there's all these fire tanks, the THC vape cartridges.
	And then I also have a mini 30 with a 30-round clip and a bipod and a scope and all this other crap on the fucking table.
	But that's legal, the gun stuff.
	Well, it's legal, but they can't say it's mine because it's a communal house.
	Oh, I see.
	If I lived there exclusively, they can say it was mine.
	So anyway.
	Oh, when you're a felon, you can't have anything.
	Nothing.
	I can't have a bullet.
	So I sit there and I talk.
	Did you successfully close the door?
	I close the door and one guy opens it back up and He walks in my room.
	This is an illegal dresser.
	This is a cop I know.
	He knows my brother.
	He worked with my brother and stuff.
	And he grabs a chair that's in my room and he sits me down.
	He goes, He doesn't know Crystal Meth.
	He thinks it's Coke.
	He goes, Matt, he goes, Tell me, seriously, how much Coke have you done tonight?
	So I said, None.
	I did a little.
	Whatever.
	I said, I did a little because it's right there.
	So then he goes, listen, he goes, all right.
	So now it's just the four cops that responded to the call.
	So he goes, I'm going to uncuff you and I'm going to close the door and we're going to leave.
	And he's like, I'm going to call your brother in the morning.
	He's like, make sure you call your brother.
	So I go, okay.
	There was a fucking rookie with him.
	Buck.
	Some big fucking six and a half, six foot seven, fucking skinny.
	He didn't have creases in his fucking boots yet.
	That's how fucking new he was.
	He goes, no, no, no.
	He walks in.
	So now he's actually entering a dwelling without.
	Because you can't tell that is THC by looking at it.
	So he goes, no, no, these are.
	But the first guy entered a dwelling without...
	He was cool with me.
	You know, he put me in cuss just because of the knife.
	I'm sitting there.
	He goes, he uncomforts me.
	He lets me go.
	And the fucking rookie guy goes, no, no, no.
	I called the lieutenant.
	He's on his way here now.
	You're in jail.
	You're in prison.
	Yeah.
	Went to prison.
	Pooh.
	What do you get it, though?
	But yeah, I gave Ryan the picture of the actual.
	That was the 51 grams of crystal method they had.
	Can you pull that up?
	Yeah, he sent it to him.
	That's it.
	See, that's the scale.
	See all those cartridges there?
	Those boxes with the red and the stickers on it?
	Those are the fire tanks.
	So a nickel weighs five grams.
	See, he saw all those cartridges.
	He didn't see the meth or anything like that.
	But you'll see.
	This was my old house in Never Shell.
	So there's a humongous bag of crystal meth.
	It's just below two ounces.
	Why did you have that on your phone?
	Because I'm retarded.
	Well, I was sending it to somebody so they would come and purchase it.
	Oh, I see.
	On an encrypted app, I hope?
	Of course.
	So now there's 51 grams of encrypted.
	But you see all those cartridges.
	Oh, it was a disaster.
	It was a disaster.
	So there's the.
	You can cut it off, but you could look, I zoom in and see all the go back, Brian.
	I'm not familiar with methyl.
	I've done it, I think, once.
	The very end of it.
	When I zoom in.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's.
	Primo.
	It went to the prime lab, and it came back as 97% pure crystal methyl.
	Wow.
	How is it different than speed?
	It is speed.
	It's not different.
	And it's Adderall, too, right?
	Methamphetamine sulfate?
	Yeah, it's pretty much the same.
	All right, let's take a call.
	We've got Doctor on the line.
	All right, Doctor.
	Hello, Zoo, Doctor.
	Great.
	Hello?
	Hey, man.
	Hey, what's up?
	Hey, what's going on?
	Matt.
	Hey.
	So, Matty's got a big operation.
	What are you going now?
	He's got a bunch of tubes going in his groin and his neck.
	If you're the surgeon, do you just get an annual salary or do you get 350 grand for that particular operation?
	So the doc that would do that procedure is an electrophysiologist.
	There's an echo.
	I hear my voice.
	Well, that's on your end.
	That's on your end.
	That's Ryan's incompetence once again, rearing its ugly head.
	Okay.
	Well, he's probably listening on his computer.
	They're the ones that typically do it.
	It's like for a radio frequency ablation, it's typically like they'll get like 3,000, between 3,000 and like 6,000 for the procedure.
	But it's pretty routine.
	Like they don't just like they'll do like two or three of those a day.
	Two or three of those a day?
	Yeah.
	It goes.
	It doesn't look routine.
	It could be anywhere from four to six hours.
	But it's long.
	It lasts like the whole procedure.
	I'm at anesthesia.
	I sit in for most of these.
	Yeah, it'll be like Maddie's, it sounds like it'll be right-sided, so it's probably like two and a half hours, three hours.
	So you get $1,000 an hour.
	Well, they say between three to six hours for the procedure.
	I get $1,000 an hour.
	That's with the pre-op and recover also.
	I'll be in the hospital for a day and a half.
	They go to school for a long time.
	So it's like four years of medical school, and then there's another three years of internal medicine residency.
	Then it's like another three years for cardiology.
	And then it's two more years for the electrophysiology part.
	So it's like, yeah, it's a while.
	But they make probably like average EP doc probably makes about a million a year.
	A million a year?
	Now, you're an anesthesiologist.
	You have to do 12 years too, don't you?
	It's four years of medical school, four years of, and then four years of residency.
	So eight.
	Well, the residency is working in the high school.
	What do you guys make a year?
	You could do fellowship too, which is like another couple of years.
	But yeah, basically.
	What do you guys make a year?
	Like $450, $500.
	There you go.
	That's interesting.
	I think anesthesiology is...
	Can't you just make a chart?
	You just have a chart.
	If they weigh 350 pounds, you give them X amount of sleepy juice.
	If they weigh 100 pounds, you give them much less.
	Sounds easy to do.
	You're the ones who have your life in your hands.
	I could learn it in a day.
	Yeah.
	That's like, people think that for whatever reason, though, we just inject the patient with medicine and they go to sleep for a certain amount of time.
	But I like watching them throughout the surgery and make sure that they're alive.
	Because the surgeon is doing whatever procedure, and then we are managing the physiology of the patient.
	Let me ask you a question.
	If they stop breathing or whatever, we have to take care of that.
	Let me ask you a question, Derek.
	Anesthesiologist.
	I have chronic cases of Bradycardia, where my pulse rate goes down to about 40, 45, 46.
	40, 45, 45.
	I mean, it's kind of low.
	It's like super easy.
	It starts to worry when it gets to under 40 is when I start to get really nervous.
	Yeah, I have Bradycardia quite often.
	So what's your question?
	I wanted to know, how do you adjust the medication for stuff like that?
	Just give Matterall.
	If it's intraoperative, I would give some medicine to make sure that your heart rate goes up.
	Yeah, you give them an upper.
	You give them a Coke.
	Easiest job ever.
	It actually doesn't matter as long as you can hold your pressure.
	So if your blood pressure is just like 90 or something, what's normal for me right now is about mid-90s, mid-50s.
	Mid-90s?
	Wait, what is mid-90s, mid-50s?
	My blood pressure.
	Mid-90s over mid-50s.
	Yeah, it's on the low end, but it's okay.
	That's reasonable.
	You sound like you're talking very fast in these responses.
	Are you perchance getting high on your own supply?
	What do you say?
	I can't hear you.
	You sound very sort of frenetic.
	Are you a little high on your own supply?
	Hello, hello.
	Hello, hello?
	Can you hear me?
	Gavin just sounds like he's like, he just cuts out for whatever reason.
	I can hear Maddie for people.
	You're clipping a little bit.
	Don't yell, because if I turn the...
	What was the question?
	You sound very hyper.
	Are you getting high on your own supply?
	Am I what?
	All right, thanks for calling.
	I've had enough of that.
	Ryan, the technology's not going great tonight.
	It's making that a little grumpy bear.
	Like Prissy Bear.
	I'm not happy right now.
	He's getting an echo.
	He can't fucking hear me.
	How about this guy?
	Hello, can you hear me?
	Whoa.
	That's new.
	Hello?
	This is embarrassing, Ryan.
	Fix the fucking phone.
	Well, I can't test this because I think the gents are taking a leak.
	But let's try another caller and see what happens.
	Unmute.
	Is that another call doing that?
	No.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Show's over.
	Can you hear us?
	Well, they can't hear me.
	Wait.
	Hello, can you hear me?
	Hello, can you hear me?
	So I didn't do a Skype restart.
	Let me try that.
	Yeah, let's give that a whirl!
	Let's give that a fucking whirl!
	But let's definitely, when we're at work and we have free time, let's definitely just listen to podcasts and dick around all fucking day and not test the system that we have,
	that we've had trouble with since day motherfucking one.
	Non-stop!
	Hello?
	Hello?
	What the fuck?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Okay, hang up on that person.
	Yeah, he's listening to the podcast.
	Let's try someone else.
	Hello.
	You have to tell him hello.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Please pause the show.
	Don't listen to the show.
	Listen to this.
	Hello.
	The fact that you're saying hello in a microphone that doesn't work is deeply disturbing.
	I am coming out of the speaker, which is picked up on your microphone.
	Hello, can you hear me, sir?
	Can we stop listening to the motherfucking show, obviously?
	Yes, hello.
	Don't listen to the show.
	Yeah, everybody, please.
	I'm listening to you listen to the show.
	That's a new one.
	Check, check, check.
	Okay, hang up on that person now.
	Let's keep going through the callers.
	We got 20 minutes left of this fucking ridiculous shit show that is ruined by digital incompetence.
	How is it that we don't have three mics?
	Why is that so complicated?
	Justin.
	Justin, are you there?
	Can you hear me?
	Yes, I can.
	Oh, geez.
	Okay, awesome.
	Hey, Gav.
	Hey, Rye.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, everybody.
	Gav, just wanted to ask you if you got to hear Stern this week and if what your thoughts were about the nude that he made yesterday.
	The nude?
	Well, when he told everybody to all the vaccinated people to like fuck off and die.
	And then did you hear what Alex Jones had to say to him today on his show?
	I didn't hear Alex Jones' reaction, but Howard Stern said, fuck you, anti-vaxxers.
	He found three radio hosts who died of COVID, right?
	And he rejoiced in their deaths.
	He said, thank God they're dead.
	Fuck them.
	I hope they die.
	They're going to kill me.
	So that's why anti-vaxxers need to die.
	Howard Stern is such an agoraphobe that he stays, and this is true for decades.
	He stays in his apartment or his home on Long Island.
	When he takes his limo into Sirius, they had to build him a motherfucking car elevator.
	I mean, it must have been $20 million that goes up, up to his office.
	Then he goes in his office.
	No one can look at him.
	No one can touch him.
	He sleeps in his office.
	You can't knock on his door.
	So this guy could be living in I Am Legend.
	He could be living in fucking Will Smith's shitty movie with Zombies, and he'd be totally fine.
	There's no way you could infect this fucking guy.
	But he's pretending that he's out shaking hands, hanging out with us, and he doesn't want to get infected.
	No, he's a fuck, he hates America.
	He hates everything around him.
	He's somehow still locked in his bullshit high school where the black kids made fun of him and literally kicked him in the balls, kicked him in the ass.
	And he wants to punish the rest of us for his shitty beta male life with his pathetic, retarded trophy wife who collects kittens because she can never have babies.
	And he's sitting there rejoicing at the death of others.
	You know what he's rejoicing about?
	He's rejoicing at the fact that we all have to suffer his shitty life.
	That we all have to be agoraphobes like him.
	He's a fucking poser.
	And you'll notice when the vaccine came out, people go, why don't you get the vaccine?
	And he goes oh, I never meet anyone.
	I think I'd be wasting it if I took it.
	Everyone else should take it.
	I have my dose.
	I'm in my little bubble.
	And then he realized that's contradicting himself.
	So he says he got it.
	I don't know if he got it.
	But the guy is one of the worst hypocrites in history.
	He's a fucking loser.
	And his show is just, it's a PR firm.
	All he does is kiss the ass of celebrities.
	There's nothing interesting about him.
	The show sucks.
	He's boring.
	But did you hear what he did to Ronnie and Limmer driver?
	Dude, the guy drives him around for 30 years every day.
	Ronnie even came back from Las Vegas, and he can't even meet up with him because he's too busy with Jimmy Kimmel.
	What a fucking loser.
	Fuck him.
	I remember him saying that.
	He goes, what am I going to do?
	Meet up with you?
	Like, what are we going to talk about?
	And okay, so you don't like to talk people.
	I understand.
	But then a celebrity wants to meet him.
	And yeah, let's do it.
	Let's go on vacation.
	You're going to have to be afraid of it for 30 fucking years.
	You don't have anything to say to him?
	That's fine if you don't meet anyone else.
	But the fact that he meets celebrities and not Ronnie the Limitriver, who, by the way, is the backbone of that show in many ways.
	This is the thing about talk radio that drives me nuts.
	They make money off of blue-collar people by pretending they're blue-collar.
	They realize they all love Ronnie because they identify with him.
	And so they go, they put Ronnie in the forefront.
	And he's the face of Howard Stern in many ways.
	He's always on, giving his sex tips, all that stuff.
	And he loves NASCAR.
	Howard Stern doesn't even know what a NASCAR is.
	So it's all Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie.
	And then Ronnie inconveniences him.
	Or sorry, Howard Stern has to pay it back and say, hi.
	No, thanks.
	Not interested.
	It's exactly the same as Opie and Anthony.
	Opie is Howard Stern.
	Anthony was Ronnie.
	Anthony made that show.
	He's the tin knocker.
	He got the blue-collar guys interested.
	They could identify with him.
	They got his jokes and everything.
	They didn't care that Howard Stern, the politically correct Jew, was running the show.
	They could just identify with Ronnie and his friendship with Howard because blue-collar people are not intrinsically anti-Semitic or classist.
	They just enjoy it.
	But then he throws Ronnie under the bus the exact same way Opie threw Anthony under the bus.
	So you're squeezing the blue collars, getting your money's worth, and then as soon as they're not convenient to you anymore, you throw them away like trash.
	Which I will be doing to Maddie when he dies.
	In two weeks.
	In two weeks.
	Look up what Alex Jones said about Howard today.
	He went off on him.
	Completely went off on him.
	Just definitely check it out.
	But I figured you'd be really pissed off about that guy.
	It was just crazy, man.
	Like, oh, I can't believe what a deuce he's turned into.
	Years of my life, wasted listening.
	Listen, what's the name for you?
	She's a government.
	Thanks for calling.
	Who was it?
	Joy, you under the bus now.
	What's the one from the fucking view at fucking?
	Joy Behar?
	Yeah.
	She said that she feels that the unvaccinated aren't entitled to health care because they listen to the lies on Fox News.
	Yeah, that's a common thing these days.
	It's fucking socialists.
	Socialists and communists are totally cool with genocide.
	And that's why they accuse us of genocide.
	Like we just saw on that stupid pyramid.
	And they say, we don't want trans people to exist.
	The reason they talk about us wanting to kill everyone is because they want to kill everyone.
	And to get back to what that guy was saying about Alex Jones, I'll never forget this.
	This was the end of Howard Stern for me.
	He was talking, he said, Howard Stern said, and I got banned off of Twitter right after pointing this out, by the way.
	He said, look, free speech is one thing, but there's consequences for what you say.
	And he was saying he's okay with Alex Jones getting banned because of some bullshit Sandy Hook take on Alex Jones's Sandy Hook take.
	That's his opinion.
	So this guy, Howard Stern, who built his whole career fighting for free speech, getting quarter million dollar fines from the FCC, hears about Alex Jones going through the same shit and he's like, well, speech has consequences, bitch.
	Fuck that guy.
	Fuck that fucking big-nosed scarecrow fucking pussy beta male motherfucker.
	The radio guys are the best.
	Like four of them died.
	Four of them were like ranting on the air.
	They will not get vaccinated.
	They were on fire, these guys.
	It was like day after day.
	They were all dying.
	And then their dying words are: I wish I had been more into the vaccine.
	I wish I had taken it.
	It says who.
	You know, I have all of their dying words for that.
	Lots of people die of COVID.
	Lots of unhealthy people die of COVID.
	Some of them are anti-vax.
	Some of them are pro-vax.
	Stupid.
	You fucking dick.
	Fuck Stern.
	Where do I have that clip of that Mark Brennan?
	All right, that's enough.
	I hate his voice.
	I've been listening to The Peak a lot.
	107.1.
	I just got a notification on my birthday for them.
	It's good.
	They're presenting Billy Idol at the Capitol Theater.
	What?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's great news.
	Billy Idol.
	He does a lot of Generation X songs.
	Yeah, 107.1, The Peak, presents Billy Idol.
	Coming up.
	Sold.
	Let's dress up like him.
	In a rebel, yeah.
	We'll spike our hair.
	Yeah.
	Die bleach blonde.
	That man changed my life.
	When White Wedding came out, the best.
	I was never the same.
	My mom was driving back from groceries.
	I must have been like 12.
	And she goes, yo, right, son.
	And I was like, stop, stop.
	Leave the radio on.
	Yeah.
	I've never heard anything like this before.
	Then I discovered Generation X, then I discovered punk.
	I watched him play Tommy with The Who.
	I saw him at Maddie.
	Oh, you saw that live?
	Yeah, I saw it live.
	Fuck you.
	Yeah.
	That's when he still had a little cane, actually, from his bike accident.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, but I watched The Who with him as Tommy, yeah.
	Crack really fucked him.
	Oh.
	Crack in the 80s was a fucking devastating drug.
	That's what Whiplash Smile is made on crack, and it's fucking terrible.
	Vital Idol was great.
	I loved all his stuff.
	Oh, yeah.
	And Generation X are my favorite band.
	Fucking great.
	Thank you, Steve.
	You know what I love about Billy Idol?
	Generation X were a huge hit.
	And he goes, I don't want this to be my whole life.
	I don't want to be the guy, the Generation X guy.
	And I notice punk is dying.
	It's like 1981, whatever.
	I have some money, not a ton.
	I'm going to move to New York.
	I'm going to still do sort of punky stuff, but I'm going to take into account that we're going into a disco dance, not disco, but a dance age.
	So I'm going to make dance punk.
	I'm going to start my own music, dance punk.
	So then he makes fucking Rebel Yell that has a dance beat to it, an EDM electronic beat, but he still keeps screaming and yelling.
	Everyone goes, that's great.
	I like that better than Generation X. He had a second life.
	That's balls.
	Imagine you're fucking 21, you got a good thing going on, but it seems to be fading.
	So you move to London from New York, and you start a new kind of music.
	Hey, yo.
	I'm impressed.
	It's from the random suburbs, Bromley.
	We got Kate on the line.
	Kate?
	Hey, Kate.
	What's up, Kate?
	Uh-oh, Daddy's going to start getting into his mad spiral again.
	He just got out of it.
	Kate, you there?
	All right.
	Rulietto got me unmad.
	Now I'm getting remad.
	We will have to drop you guys.
	All right.
	720.
	Hello, hello, hello.
	Can you hear us?
	Are you talking to Owen?
	Who cares?
	I can hear you talking, Owen.
	Okay, good.
	Hey, you know that fucking precious thing?
	Yeah.
	Precious child?
	Your fucking microphone sucks so much shit.
	So if you listen to the song by Slay Bells, it's called like Anne Saint, totally ripped it off.
	I think even sole some of the fucking lyrics, and that's about it.
	It's just like so clearly stolen.
	What do you hear when I talk?
	You sound like you're in a stadium, halfway across the stadium, an empty stadium.
	Like you can't hear you for shit.
	Can you hear me?
	Oh, yeah.
	This is Maddie.
	Hey, Maddie, what's up, boys?
	What's going on?
	And can you hear Ryan?
	When Ryan talks, yeah, I can hear him.
	Horrible.
	It's brutal.
	Fucking brutal.
	Is this better now?
	Can you hear me more now?
	No.
	And I called him like two years ago.
	It was the same shit.
	You think the technology was beyond 1988 or something?
	Well, Ryan likes his podcasts at work.
	He's not big on fixing problems.
	Are you being able to?
	Yeah, Kenny.
	Yeah, look up.
	If you listen to those two songs back to back, you can totally hear that Precious rip that shit off.
	What's the name of the song again?
	Slay Bells.
	Slay Bells.
	The Babe.
	The Babe.
	All right, thanks for calling, dude.
	Not that we need to be told, not that we need to learn that Precious Child is a fucking mentally ill, gay fraud piece of shit who didn't do original music.
	I don't even think he would deny that.
	So, Ryan, this isn't working, my friend.
	True.
	Let's try another call.
	Okay, Jordan.
	Jordan, can you hear me?
	Hello?
	Hello, Jordan.
	What's cooking, Gab?
	Hey, man.
	Gab.
	Zaddy, what's going on?
	Can you hear me okay?
	How's the hangout?
	Just calling in.
	I got a buddy of mine.
	He likes Zaddy.
	But he's been on the internet a little too much lately.
	He's getting into this Gematria bullshit, tagging Judaist shit together and it kind of just going psychosis.
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	Jimiraquai?
	What?
	Judaism?
	This kid is just kind of diving into Jematria.
	I'm not sure if you're familiar with it.
	Oh, yeah, that crazy numbers shit where you add up like the letters and it's 1511.
	And then, like, Trevor Moore, from Whitest Kids You Know, if you add the numbers of his name, you'll see that it's 1511.
	He had been alive for 1,511 days, so he was probably a sacrifice for Jeff Bezos.
	Yeah, dude, that is the crazy.
	That's literally the craziest shit there is.
	Crazier than astrology or anything else.
	Numerology on it.
	And that is that.
	Like, we got a lot of people cooped up right now.
	A lot of people were on the edge, as it was.
	And my buddy, he just isolated himself.
	All he's now is confined to his computer getting this bullshit kind of information.
	And he thinks it's legit.
	Tell him to get out and do something.
	I would just smile at him and go, yeah, those are great points.
	People I don't really like affiliate myself with, but we're like, you know, here and there making some bucks off them.
	But it's just a negative energy suck when you hang out.
	When you see him, say two plus two equals five.
	Good luck with that.
	Yeah.
	I would just smile and walk away.
	You're not going to debunk that myth.
	No, not to him.
	If he's isolating himself.
	I'll tell you what.
	I did read an article, speaking of September 11th, not long after September 11th, maybe a couple weeks, and it was in the New York Times Mag.
	The New York Times Mag 20 years ago, believe it or not, was really good.
	And they had a great editor.
	And he...
	What's happening?
	He's listening to the show.
	Can you turn down your show, please, sir?
	And he broke down all of this numerology.
	And he's like, yes, 9-11-911 adds up to 12.
	And he broke it all down.
	And then he just broke down a bunch of other dumb shit that doesn't add up with numerology because it's called selective memory.
	You notice these things add up, and you ignore all these other million things like M-A-T-T-Y-O-D-E-L-L adds up to this shit.
	That's...
	It's fucking embarrassing.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Let's see if this next caller can get good audio.
	I love her.
	Hello.
	Oh, whoa.
	Whatever happened at Slay Bells?
	It was Lay Bell.
	Whoa.
	Well, is it a cover?
	It's not credited as a cover.
	This is called Tear Up.
	And the other one's called And Saints.
	Okay.
	That's a goof.
	Not good.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	This complaint is correct.
	All right, let's do another one.
	Hello.
	Oh, I didn't click it yet.
	Oops.
	Your mom hung up on me.
	I don't believe that's true.
	Yo.
	Yo, hey, what's up?
	I like your new sunglasses.
	I love your new sunglasses.
	Let me just ask you something, sir.
	I'm going to tap some microphones.
	You tell me if you hear anything.
	Ready?
	Tap one.
	Yeah, I hear a tap, but you still sound like you're fucking miles away.
	And here's another tap.
	No.
	Okay, so this...
	Wait, is that plugged in correctly?
	Because if you, sometimes that gold part gets unscrewed, and it doesn't allow it to plug in all the way.
	Are the blue lights on?
	Yeah, the gold part is screwed in all the way.
	Honestly, Maddie's the only one that sounds good.
	Gavin sounds like he's miles away, and Brian sounds like he's fucking in a gym singing karaoke.
	That microphone stinks.
	All righty.
	We could switch up the sets.
	I'll do that while you talk, sir.
	Go ahead.
	Switch up the sets?
	Yeah, I sent Ryan an email.
	I got an uncle that works at Air Canada.
	He just got this mandatory vaccine fucking FAQ thing.
	And he's pretty close to retirement.
	And they're basically saying, if you don't get vaxxed at Air Canada, you're done.
	You're turfed.
	And will that affect his pension?
	Oh, yeah.
	If he gets early retirement, if he doesn't get vaxxed and he has to quit or get fired or whatever the fuck, he's going to lose out on like a G a month.
	That's fucking amazing.
	Hold on.
	I'm going to tap another round.
	I'm going to pull it up.
	It's like in the second page of it.
	It's like three pages.
	In the second page, it mentions something about like, even if the Liberal Party doesn't get voted back in, we're still implementing this fucking new rules or whatever the fuck.
	It's fucking mental.
	Canada's fucked, bro.
	Canada's fucked.
	This is socialism.
	It doesn't seem like a big difference from socialism and capitalism with Canada and America or Australia and America.
	And then the state starts influencing, it starts abusing its power.
	And you realize, oh, this is when we see socialism's ugly head.
	Yeah.
	You should see how fucked up, like, how separated everyone is.
	Like, I'm in Toronto, and fucking, there's a coffee shop across the street.
	I walked across the street with my Trump shirt on, and there's this family just like that.
	They fucking, a combined weight of like 200 pounds, these three people.
	They're fucking losers.
	But I had a Trump shirt on.
	They had masks on outside.
	They looked at me like I was a fucking, like a dragon.
	And they literally turned their bodies to the building and stared at it until I walked by with my dog.
	I would have coughed.
	I would have coughed as I went by.
	Can't your uncle and other people in that same situation do a class action lawsuit or something?
	Like, you talked to Ezra Levant.
	I was talking to your brother.
	He sent me a link for Rebel and shit like that.
	And they're like fight vaccine passports or some shit like that.
	But that just like, I don't know.
	It's like fight defines.
	I don't know.
	Like, will it work?
	I mean, what's the end, anyways?
	I mean, they're probably just going to fuck him over regardless.
	I mean, so he's going to have to win by suing them, I guess?
	Yes.
	Lawfare.
	He's got to fight.
	Yeah, yeah.
	No, I told him because I was talking to him today, and he's like, yeah, well, I don't know.
	I'm not going to get the back.
	I'm like, so you have to fucking do something.
	Yeah, you can't lie down and get trampled.
	All right, thanks for calling, buddy.
	We got to wrap it up.
	Tomorrow morning, or sorry, tomorrow night is the September 11th show.
	Maddie, you're going to, are you doing next week?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So it's the week after you'll have to.
	The 22nd is a Wednesday, so the live show would be the 23rd.
	I'll Skype you from the hospital.
	Wait a minute.
	Today is...
	Right, so we get...
	You're sitting on that booth, on that bench in a week.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Absolutely.
	We still got another week in this guy before he croaks.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was surprised how little that money is.
	$1,000 an hour?
	12 years of medical school?
	Get a trade, guys.
	Not sure about that.
	Become a welder.
	Become a plumber.
	They pay about a quarter of a million dollars just for malpractice insurance a year.
	Yeah.
	Sounds like it's better to have a trade.
	At any rate, thanks for tuning in.
	We'll see you tomorrow.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave, and never stop fighting.
	We all done the best in town.
	So you gotta get lit to the champions town.
	One, two, three, chicken fake ID.
	You can't even drink with me.
	You can't hang, you got no plans.
	So you gotta make room now for the next man.
	Three, chicks, man, girls, wanna drink wine.
	Tell the man not to waste your time.
	If the man broke, the man can get dropped.
	So you gotta get loose with the honey in the coke.
	Three, two, one, girls, wanna have fun.
	If the man don't dance, he's gone.
	Tell me, move on, get the man gone.
	Now can I get a cook with my rum?

▲