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Aug. 5, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
39:55
GOML LIVE #110 | COPS AND ROBBERS (Part 1)

We sit down with Matty and try to figure out how many chicks is too many chicks and why cops don't get along with their criminal family members (the second one's not that hard).

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
That was Grade 2 from the Isle of Wight.
Funny little island off the bottom of England.
And they're like a kind of a cool boy band that a reader sent in.
A viewer.
High quality.
Grade 2 is what we call second grade in Canada and Britain.
You guys say second grade.
I've learned not to say that because people make fun of you when you use the wrong colloquialisms in this country.
Coxsparr shirts.
Ben Sherman's.
What's the Isle of Wight like? - Get out!
I've never been down there.
Cool, I'd imagine.
You're a hop, skip and a jump from France.
Welcome back to the show.
Welcome to GOML Live.
This is the one that we make free as a podcast.
We have our co-host, Matty O'Dell.
Good evening, everybody.
How's your monitor working out?
Can you see the right thing?
Yeah.
Okay.
And, uh, the audio sounds good, Brian?
We're ready for the Skype calls?
Sound in butte.
Um, I gotta get Matty's... So right now, your lav is the only one working, and I'm just tinkering with these.
So maybe it would make sense to solve that before we go live, no?
You know, I think we hit a technological limit here because it could only understand one lab at a time, and we're feeding the computer two.
But what about the directional mic that we had in front of them?
That's if we go through the board, if we choose our audio through the board, then they'll hear that, but then they might get that echo, that dreaded Dreaded Echo.
So they've been able to hear Matty, you can hear him, but he doesn't sound as crisp and good.
We want crisp and good.
Sounds like this is the kind of stuff that should be looked into before 9pm on Thursday night.
What do you think?
Who, me?
Yeah.
Oh, I agree, yeah.
Been a busy week, but you're right.
It hasn't been a busy week.
There was, I've been gone.
You've had, you've had, I left what?
Friday?
You've had Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Five days.
So I'm trying to see if I could blend these two into one.
Send these two labs into the one.
So it's not getting two different things.
It's getting one stereo thing.
Not stereo.
A mixed down thing.
You're a fucking retard.
We'd like to thank our sponsors.
Let's start with Tactical Walls.
Tactical Walls are coming down soon.
I'm all over the place in August.
Cooperstown, I'm going on vacation, I do stuff, renovating the house, all kinds of shit.
So I don't know when he's coming here, but he's going to Tactical Wallsify the office.
So that'll be fun.
But Tactical Walls is a sponsor that's been with us almost as long as our original sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD, who we'll get to in a second.
But it's a fantastic way to display your guns.
We just had a few subscribers send us pictures of their their mod walls.
If you're gonna spend that much money on something you want to display it nicely.
You want to have easy access.
Of course it makes people like us here in shithole states like New York Green with envy when we see the way you can display your things.
We have to have them triple sealed in safes with the ammunition in a different safe and all this fucking horse shit.
But Tactical Walls allows you to display your guns in a way where they get the beauty they deserve.
And that's tacticalwalls.com.
If you put in the promo code Gavin, you get 20% off all orders.
We made fun of the ad copy guy's text so much that he no longer says anything in the, in the ads.
He just says, say whatever you want.
So we're saying whatever we want.
These guys have, you should go to their site, Ryan, rather than just a, Yeah.
All the different cool places they have to hide your guns too.
Like we used one of them.
We have the shelf you see on the left there where you shift something over and the shelf drops down and then you got your gun.
Hidden behind mirrors, hidden behind wall panels.
We have the issue box where it's hidden in a tissue box.
It really is incredible the different places you can hide your guns.
And guys who break into your house, usually not that smart.
So it's not like you have to have some complicated French maze from 1836.
The slightest subtle change of the environment is going to throw them for a loop.
Look at all the different things they have.
It's not just tactical walls.
They have the hero wall.
Also with the firings set up.
What's a hero wall?
It's on their site.
What is it?
It's like right there on the left with the firefighter.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's not just guns.
If you're living in a state like New York, you can put up stuff that's not just guns.
Anyway, tacticalwalls.com, promo code GAVIN, 20% off.
Go there now, whether you're displaying baseball equipment or just having stuff by your front door to hang your jackets and your motorcycle helmets and your baseball gear, or if you're lucky enough to be able to display guns.
So you know how this goes, folks, right?
Free till 9.30.
Then we go behind the paywall.
We take letters for the first hour.
Then we take calls from 10 to 11.
And what do we do?
We just really just make fun of liberals.
I saw Amy Siskind is having a meltdown, my neighbor.
She's a horrible cunt who is sort of the Pied Piper of the Karens of the suburbs and she trains them to launch domestic terror campaigns on people she disagrees with.
Under the auspices of tolerance, which is the funniest part of these Karens, they're out there to terrorize people that disagree with them in the name of diversity.
Diversity of opinion doesn't matter, but I checked her Twitter feed and she says she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown and she wants people to leave her alone and if you're going to be mean to her, don't go on her feed, which shows you the sort of IQ level of this silly cow.
I would recommend if you've been trolling her and mocking her, I think it's a great time to ramp it up and point out her mistakes.
And when I encourage harassment, I'm obviously not talking about doxxing or saying, you're a bitch, you're a dyke.
But it's fun to point out the hypocrisy and the glaring errors of all these people.
They don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
Like, we were talking about the Capitol the other day, and they go, You don't know how hard it was.
You know the suit I had?
The blue suit I had where I was picking up water bottles?
Well I donated it to the Smithsonian.
So people could see the pain we had.
Remember there was that senator who was bawling his eyes out.
I think that was like today.
Crying his eyes out about how scary it was.
AOC still has PTSD.
She wasn't even in the building.
She was almost martyred.
I was almost murdered!
She was nearby, and she was almost murdered.
And then you go, wait a minute.
When people were really trying to kill Trump and storming the White House, you made fun of him for going into a bunker.
Remember all that?
The limitless tweets from Ted Lieu and Samuel Jackson, celebrities, everyone laughing at Trump for going to the bunker when people actually want him dead.
And then when there's some trespassers meandering, it's ridiculous that they're not, everyone meandered, everyone who meandered isn't in jail.
Alright.
I'm worried this show's gonna suck already.
Can you bring up the crybaby?
What are you doing?
I looked on Posobik's.
You saw it on Posobik, right?
No.
I saw somebody crying about the thing, but it was two days ago.
Was that a different one?
A man.
It was a man crying.
He had an award in his hand.
Yeah, yeah.
That was from a couple days ago, so I'm finding it.
Okay.
Well, but don't look on one guy's Twitter feed, especially someone who posts every 30 seconds.
My thought is, I don't know his name, neither do you.
So, what do I type in?
Senator Crying?
Politician Crying, January 6.
Here, I'll do it.
Let's see how fast I can do it.
We're currently racing.
So I'm going to Brave Browser.
Politician cries a statement, maybe?
Jan 6.
And then I might even just jump to videos.
Lawmakers teared up.
Here we go.
Rep Krizinger.
Kinzinger.
So now I go back to the original thing.
I have Kinzinger crying.
That's all I have to put in.
And here we have it.
This dude.
So... All killings have been shown to my... The right side.
These are all cops?
Oh, the humanity.
That reminds me of that mayor, the George Floyd mayor, who was sobbing at his casket.
And he was doing this elbow, this shoulder thing.
Sobbing uncontrollably.
Yeah.
Where was George Floyd killed?
Was that Minneapolis?
Yeah.
Yeah, Minneapolis mayor, who looks like this weird gay Jew, crying his ass off, crying George Floyd.
We should set up something where my computer can go to the feed so I can just do your job.
Jacob Frey is his name.
F-R-E-Y.
This is from back in early June, but fuck is it funny.
And it's gold-plated casket.
I wanna see your tears.
Remember when I was a kid, I was pretending to cry for some reason, I can't remember why, and I spat on my fingers, and I put spit in my eyes, and I was like, Dad, it's just not fair.
And my dad touches my eyes with his finger, tastes it, and he goes, that's spit!
He caught me immediately.
Maybe there was bubbles on it.
But I just want to come up to those guys and go, there's no fucking tears there!
Fucking no tears.
Like Van Jones, who was drying them like this when he was crying on CNN.
Fucking liar.
Pathetic.
All right, shall we jump into the letters?
We ready to go?
Should we start the show?
We got a crier.
What do you mean?
It's in this clip where this man cries, this Kissinger.
But I thought there was one with him holding, like, an award or some shit.
Thank you, Mr. Chairman, and thank you to my colleagues on the committee.
Yeah, that was Photoshop, whatever, After Effects, meme stuff.
He was holding out an Oscar.
The joke, Ryan, is that he's overacting.
I think it's important to tell you right now, though.
You guys may, like, individually feel a little broken.
You guys all talk about the effects you have to deal with and, you know, you talk about the impact of that day.
But you guys won.
You guys held.
Held?
You know, democracies are not defined by our bad days.
We're defined by how we come back from bad days.
Well, that's not necessarily true.
We take accountability for that.
And for all the overheated rhetoric surrounding this committee, our mission is very simple.
Let's define the truth.
I don't see any actual tears.
No.
I want to see tears.
Like most Americans, I'm frustrated that six months... He's getting choked up.
You guys all talk about the effects you have to deal with and, you know, you talk about a photoshopped of that day.
I mean the banner is, but... You guys won.
Look at how good that is.
Yeah, it's so good it fooled a retard like you.
You don't think there's Oscar CNN moments?
You guys held.
Now I can't tell how, if you're fucking with me.
You know, to mock.
You guys all talk about the effects we have to deal with.
No real tears.
What a pussy.
Um...
So I've been through all of the mailbag, but I stopped at around 720 and we have new ones since 720.
So let's just live life on the edge and jump into ones I haven't even seen yet.
A few unvetted.
- Ready? - Shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
- Let me touch it. - Mr. Show, Hey Homos, hilarious sketch, but man, this could cancel Bob Odenkirk.
I want Bob Odenkirk to be canceled.
He almost died over the weekend.
Yeah, good.
Just kidding, God.
Just kidding.
I think he's lying about his home invasions.
I've had three home invasions.
Really?
What a coincidence you're talking about them right now while promoting a film about home invasions.
Home invasion?
Have you ever heard of a home invasion?
Yes.
Well, it's basically a burglary.
I understand, but anyone you know?
Can you talk about it on air?
I was actually arrested once for a home invasion.
Oh yeah, what was that one now?
I knocked on the door to talk to somebody and because I actually stepped inside the door, it was a home invasion.
Because I was on the property without permission.
I love criminals talking about their crimes in a sanitized way.
I accidentally knocked a door down because I wanted to have a meeting with someone and discuss some things that we had had.
Yeah, we had to sort out a few issues.
I wanted to sit down with him and talk about some stuff.
The female who answered the door was a little reluctant to testify, so she moved to Kentucky and refused to come back to court.
So the case was dismissed.
I wonder what made her reluctant to testify.
I don't know.
Maybe she was suffering from PTSD.
But the concept of a cop, and that's like, you're probably dealing with criminals and someone called someone a snitch or something or someone was a snitch.
Well it was actually somebody who actually kidnapped somebody.
Oh yeah.
They kidnapped, I know this story.
They forced their car off the road and then like forced them to drive to the home that I went to and then basically had them sit in a chair and they smacked them around and a few things like that.
Yeah, I remember this story.
And I had done time with the guy who had smacked the person around, so I went to get the straight deal from what was up.
And that guy who was kidnapped had a million chances to escape.
Him and his girlfriend, yeah.
That's the strange part of the story.
Yeah, but if you think about it, the guy the day before forces someone off the highway, forces him to come to their house, then smacks him around and humiliates him in front of his girlfriend, and then I go there to find out what's going on, and then they call the police.
It doesn't make sense.
It's not hard to stop a bully.
But yeah, any Any burglary of a home which I think is like a C felony because it used to be at night it was more dangerous like an invasion because you had more of a chance of people being home in bed sleeping.
Oh I see.
Yeah and like commercials or a beef It's not as bad as a home invasion because it's commercial property at night if there's not a chance of running into people in the store.
Oh, right.
Like the IRA, they would bomb buildings when they knew people wouldn't be there.
Yeah, there's a difference between commercial and residential.
The residential becomes a home invasion.
But the home invasions you're talking about are criminals getting back at criminals and that's normal stuff.
But the idea of like a Bob Odenkirk family With his nerdy wife who's a talent agent, I believe, and their five kids.
He's been doing very well for a while now.
Better call Saul.
Even before that, he was on Breaking Bad.
So the guys, I know someone who was at his house like five years ago, big pizza oven in the kitchen, like he's upper middle class at the very least.
Yeah.
So that's Westchester.
So someone comes into your home in Westchester, I mean, it would be international news.
It would be on the news in Germany.
Definitely on the local news circuit.
Yeah.
And this happened three times?
And he was home all three times?
I don't know if he was home all three times.
I call fucking bullshit.
Also, yeah, we talked about this before on the show, my house would be beyond Fort Knox.
It would be razor wire top to bottom.
Private security, whatever you need.
Anyway, someone sent us a Mr. Show sketch, um, called Operation Hell on Earth.
Mr. Show was probably one of the greatest shows ever made.
If we work together, people, we can return America to her God-given glory.
America first!
America first!
Okay.
This is how people see Proud Boys.
Now here's what, this is what America's gonna look like after the mandatory relocation is enforced.
New York City will become known as Little Israel.
I figure all the Jews will love that.
Is that okay, Miss Shapiro?
That's fine, Ken.
Okay.
Now down here is gonna be your New Africa.
See your colors keep to that.
Uh, Ken.
I don't see Virginia there.
Oh, well, Chris, that was going to be part of Homo-Rabia, which is over there.
You know, see them, uh, them homos get to sodomizing.
Well, I'd kind of like to be by the beach.
Well, okay, I guess, I guess the coloreds can have Virginia, too.
We'll annex that.
I can, can, can.
That's, that's SpongeBob SquarePants.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's his voice over?
That's his voice?
Yeah.
Where's Homo-Rabia now?
Kind of a one trick pony.
That's fucking Spongebob's voice.
Yeah, he's not got a lot of range.
I think it's called his voice.
Anyway, we get the joke.
But you know what's funny about that sketch?
I did an article a long time ago called 13 Mr. Show Sketches That Became Real.
And it's up to like 25 now.
That is real.
In D.C., blacks are talking about having black neighborhoods, but black counties with black mayors and black politicians, they are self-segregating.
We are getting homo rabia and little Israel.
I mean, Americans are naturally, and I blame social media.
I think social media has created these bubbles where we go, I don't want to talk to anyone who disagrees with me, and we no longer correspond with each other.
So now you have people that are saying, I'm done, with their own families too, exing their own families.
I'm surprised your families stayed so close with them being in law enforcement and you being in the opposite.
Well, it was about 20 years we were estranged.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
So, were any of them your friends?
My brothers and sisters?
What about Thanksgiving and stuff?
No, pretty much non-existent.
For 20 years?
Close to it.
I mean, I would go to my mother.
I mean, I would go and then I would stop going.
I would be like, ah, I don't want to sit across the table from someone I have to be phony or who's gonna be phony to me.
Huh.
Like, I'll go to see my mother.
You know, my mother was, you know, I loved her.
She was my mom.
Right.
But my sister was always close with me.
My younger brother was okay.
I mean, my brother, My older brother, because he was law enforcement, you know, conflict of interest.
Oh, I, see, I love corruption.
I wish, I wish you guys were pals like Whitey Bulger.
Oh, my brother was by the book.
Which is not a bad, you know, that was his career.
And he's still in law enforcement.
Yeah, but you guys could have been a great team where he tells you when the bus are coming and... The relationship I have with all of my family members now are okay.
Yeah.
This is from Pizza Machine.
Gee, moi, you're gorgeous.
Check out this band from Canada, Metz.
Wow, I like the sound of the name.
We have to get through an ad, of course.
Oh, are you on a better YouTube than me?
You don't get ads?
I have premium.
Yes.
I got to sign in.
Top left corner there, premium.
Mm-hmm.
Doing big things in a bag.
OK, this is boring.
Boring.
Okay, jump in the middle.
How many times have you heard this fucking boring Foo Fighters modern rock hardcore?
It's just the guy in the band saying, check out this band I discovered called Me.
There's no lyrics, but... Just jump in the middle there.
Is that the middle?
This is, yeah, this is fucking... Fuck off!
He moves like three times and there was never any lyrics.
It's, uh, you know, something.
Sounds like a guitar riff on loop.
Um... How did Matty and his brother go in such different directions?
That's from a Japanese name.
Okay, um, I'm not too sure.
I mean, my brother worked a normal job, I think he became law enforcement at an early age, maybe 23, somewhere around there.
When did you become a bad boy?
Well, I've been getting in trouble since I was like 8.
Well, weren't you babysat by some bad boys?
Oh, yeah.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Very, very, very good.
I mean, in my eyes, you know, they're great cats, but, you know, they have a very sinister reputation.
Yes, I know.
When their names come up at my gym, everyone shits their pants, and these guys are professional fighters.
But my brother, my sister, and my younger brother all grew up with them.
We were neighbors.
Like, literally.
So what do you think sent your brother on a law enforcement path?
I think my brother took the civil service test just out of, I mean he went to university.
What did he take in university?
Um, first he was out in the University of Arizona, and then my father passed away early, 49, and then he came back, you know, helped my mom out and stuff.
And, uh, he ended up with, like, a B.A.
or a B.A.
in, uh, no, Bachelor of Science in Criminology and all that stuff.
Okay, so he was into it before Criminology.
Well, he went back to college after he had gotten on the job.
Like, he had started off as an officer, then he did undercover work, then he was on the... Right, so what sent him to pursue that?
That must have been young then.
Yeah, I think he got on the job at 23.
When he first went to college, after high school.
And you don't know what set him off?
No.
I think he just was... the test was coming up, so he took it.
A lot of people do that.
Hmm.
Oh, we're running out of time here before we go behind the paywall.
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CBD is pot without the illegal parts and We all assumed that the magic was in the THC and it's in the illegal part, but they took that out and it's still amazing.
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I have my problems with pot, actually.
Pot with THC, I think it makes you lazy.
I don't think it should be illegal.
But I also don't think it's magic.
I mean, booze kills a lot of people, and pot doesn't really kill anyone, but they just assume that means it's perfectly innocent.
Pot makes you sleep in too late.
It kills a young man's ambition.
It's especially bad for teenage guys.
I had these two best pals when I was in high school, and we started smoking pot at the same time.
It was actually hash.
And then they went off on a tangent.
I stopped smoking it, and I got my life together, and they just became fucking potheads.
And they never really went anywhere.
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Johnny Apple CBD does not have the sleep all day bullshit in it.
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The gummies help you sleep at night.
The tinctures take the edge off your coffee.
They take the edge off your day.
The topicals take the edge off your workout.
When your bones hurt the next day, your muscles are aching, you put the topicals on, you feel 100% better.
And then there's things I haven't even tried, like the cartridges.
Ryan, you've tried a bunch of shit, right?
Yeah, they sent us a whole bunch of good-ass shit.
They have a vape pen thing.
Yeah, you do the vape.
It's really quality.
It's like a qual... I know a lot of vape pens.
I used to buy, like, the disposable ones, but these are, like, nice quality vape pens.
Huh.
And then, um... Yeah, you smoke it.
It tastes good.
So if you go to feel... It doesn't feel like nothing.
You feel like, uh... Oh, you get a bit of a buzz?
Not a buzz, but just relax.
I didn't get that with the tincture.
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Pretty much all of these, you put in the promo code GAVIN, you get 20% off.
All right, let's get back to the lets.
Oh, we got one from About Maddie... Um... Why are you such a fucking fag?
No.
Nice.
I had to say no really fast.
Um... Some dude said... Shit, can I find it?
Um... He said... You talk about getting arrested in Massachusetts... Someone... I know... Do you know Big Steve?
He has the same last name.
Odell.
No, I was never arrested in Massachusetts.
One of my good friends and associates lived in Massachusetts and was arrested coming back from my home in New York in Massachusetts.
Oh yes, with helicopters and everything.
Yes, I did spend a lot of time in Massachusetts.
You've never heard of a fellow criminal named Big Steve O'Dell?
Big Steve O'Dell, not off the top of my head.
Yeah, it was a dumb letter because Massachusetts is a fucking gigantic state.
Well, I hung out mostly in Boston, you know, Mattapan, Lynn, Salem, Chelsea.
Let's get serious here.
What up, guys?
Just wanted to ask, what number of chicks y'all niggas think a guy needs to bone before settling down?
Thanks.
Also, Matty is the man.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, that's a good one.
Well, I know you've had similars before.
You were married and everything, and when you started Vice, you said it was rainin' pussy.
I did very well, because I was always very horny.
So I was out there.
Like I said, with the organization I used to be with, it was like being in a rock band.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
365 days a year.
You had groupies that would basically do anything for you.
Did you ever have a girl that was incredibly violent and wanted you to, like, cut her?
Yes.
What happened there?
I knew one girl in particular.
She lived up in Hartford, Connecticut.
She worked at a local adult entertainment establishment.
She used to run some girls.
She liked to get cut.
She wanted me to cut her.
I mean, I guess she was pretty good at it.
in the pubic bone area.
With what, little slits?
And then I was trying to, you know, fulfill her need, and she was, no, you got to do it like this.
She was nuts.
But a good time.
Was there a lot of blood?
I mean, I guess she was pretty good at it.
She knew what she was doing.
I wasn't into the whole, you know, cutting, but there's cutters out there.
Did she have scars all over her pubic area?
I didn't get down there and look too close because she was nuts.
And then what happened after that?
How'd that whole session end?
Oh, we were, uh, we locked ourselves in a bathroom in the bottom of one of the clubhouses in Hartford.
And, uh, we were there for about an hour and a half going back and forth, you know, two linebackers coming out.
And then, uh, it was actually St.
Patrick's Day and she Came out, we came out, we're sitting at the bar in the bottom of the clubhouse and she goes, uh, you wanna go to the parade with me?
Wanna go what?
To the parade.
Oh!
I was like, yeah, maybe another time.
And you never saw her again?
Never.
Wasn't there other couples there that could hear you guys?
Oh yeah, it sounded like there was two linebackers going back for the bathroom.
Bang!
Smash!
A couple of the other members had come downstairs and they were getting ready to leave.
You know, it was probably like now 7, 8, 9 o'clock in the morning.
So I'm there, I'm just in a pair of jeans and sweat pouring out of, you know, I was doing what my favorite drug was, I'm sweat pouring out of everywhere.
She's sweat pouring everywhere.
There's blood splatters on the walls in the bathroom.
So I go, hey, you guys, you know, they're like, hey, That's mad.
It's actually funny, one of the guys goes to one of the prospects and was like, should we get garbage bags?
What's he doing in there?
I thought you were murdering someone.
Garbage bags?
I would have been like, should we call the police?
No, should we get garbage bags?
That was their response.
But um, so they come down and I'm sitting there sweating.
She's sitting there sweating.
We're breathing.
I like, you know, just had a heavy session and oh, this man ain't good.
Cuz I just come home from prison at the time and uh, they're like, oh I say, you ever meet my wife?
And they all they all were like walking side step like So they were both there with their wives too.
Oh yeah.
Two.
There was a few members, they were there actually from Rhode Island.
This is a simulation of right before you guys are about to... Yeah, that was her.
That's them fucking in the bathroom.
Yeah, it was crazy.
It was definitely one for the books.
But not your cup of tea.
No.
Kind of like fucking a female bodybuilder.
That was a tough one too.
I had to go, I had to do it just to say that I did it.
Oh, I agree a thousand percent, yes.
But it was, it was like literally grabbing this bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like there was no feminism.
A man, that's a man's body.
Whatsoever.
That's the rock.
It was like grabbing a guy's arm.
You fucked the rock.
And it, you just, it just ruined it.
I mean, we did the D, but.
Well, the entire concept of sex with heterosexuals is me, like you want to be the rock, you want to be the bar.
Yeah.
And sometimes we're not.
And then she's soft and smooth and it's the juxtaposition But like you want her to sleep in the the crux of your your your arm there That's the ideal with her leg over you her little soft leg But the idea of you sleeping in her thing that you're ruining it now So if she's any kind of hard or any kind of dominant or she's got like size 12 feet We've lost the whole dynamic here.
Yeah It wasn't like she was like a fitness model or a bikini.
She was a stone-cold, straight-up body, like... Like she could pick you up and go like this.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
All right, let's get back to the question.
Sometimes you have to ignore it.
How do you feel about that, Neil?
That's actually a woman.
That gets mistaken for a man.
Deep-seated, rude behavior.
You know, I'm being hurt as a woman.
They don't even take the time to see who you are.
They just go ahead and accuse you or judge you like they are God.
Yuck.
That's a dude.
I don't even like looking at that.
Alright, so here's the answer to the question.
Ideally, you're a virgin.
I know this sounds crazy.
Ideally, you're a virgin and you're Christian and you meet the love of your life and you guys get married at like 18, 19 and you have 10 kids.
I know that sounds mental and none of us have experienced that or will ever experience that.
But I have noticed that when I meet young Catholics, they have great sex lives, they love each other, they have tons of kids, they lead fantastic lives, because they build their habits up together.
So like, I like movies on a Thursday, whatever, I'm making up habits.
That Thursday night's movie night.
They like going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.
That becomes their habit together, they grow together.
Now, though that's the utopia, none of us end up with that.
I mean, the love of my life, when I lost my virginity, ended up being a crackhead.
I'm glad I didn't marry her.
So, it's kind of a two-pronged question, because it's like saying, what's the ideal number of fucking bourbons to drink if you wanna piss the bed?
It's a vice, it's wrong.
But let's cut out that utopian model where you marry your high school sweetheart and have tons of kids.
We hope you do that, but we know you won't.
So as far as like getting a good sort of concept of what fucking is, I mean, I don't understand why you'd need more than 20 under your belt.
You and I both have 20 million.
I've got in the hundreds.
But like a fat chick, a skinny chick, a black chick, an Asian chick, a threesome.
You kind of get the idea.
Pussies are not that different.
It's not like some are sideways, some are big, some are small.
If you pay attention and no female anatomy, you'll do well.
And I'll tell you another thing.
When you're fucking your wife and trying to make a baby, that sex is in a different universe.
Yeah.
Here's one thing I will say.
I caught myself fucking this girl Amanda to, uh, I think Scott was playing on my computer and, uh, I was actually dancing to the music.
So I was more invested in the song than I was in the actual pumps.
And that's when I was like, you know what?
It's time to it's time to stop yeah, so if you catch yourself with your mind wandering during intercourse It's time to settle down and ladies You from 20 to 25.
I'm not gonna murder you but at 25 up you got to start caring about who you're fucking guys I Kind of the same thing.
Like you started getting wasted doing coke partying at 15, 14.
You're 25 now.
How much coke do you need to do?
How much beer do you need to drink?
How many parties do you need to go to?
I mean, in New York City, 45 is still considered, like, well, he's still partying a little bit.
That's 15, 25, 35, 45.
That's 30 years of fucking partying.
Three decades on the town.
That's embarrassing.
Aren't you embarrassed?
Uh, okay, we gotta wrap it up.
Okay.
These go by fast, don't they?
So I'm going to end the show for the freebies.
Are you still putting these on the podcast thing?
Oh, yeah.
Do they get hits?
Should we still keep doing this?
Yes.
How do you know?
Because if they're if they're late, you'll get some emails.
Oh, no.
So we end the show with Our usual mantra, and if you're not paying for the show, we suggest you do.
It's ten bucks a month.
You're already paying ten bucks a month for a million other things you don't even use.
I get this bill for PS4s.
We don't even use a PS4.
Or maybe it's an Xbox.
I don't even know.
But I see it in my bank statements and go, I gotta cancel that at some point.
The kids don't even play that fucking video game.
But you get much more entertainment on here than you do on Netflix, Hulu, anything else.
Because we...
Are a wee bit of sanity in a world gone mad.
We tell it like it is, not just my show, but all the shows on this network.
Give you the news on a daily basis and tell you what actually happened.
So you watch, you know, the Young Turks of the News and you'll hear a story that, oh my god, the cops photoshopped a black man to make him look more like the perp.
We're living in a corrupt society.
Antifa's riots are totally justified.
And then we tell you, no, no, no, no.
The guy had facial tattoos.
When he went to rob the bank, he covered his facial tattoos with brown makeup.
When they showed the picture, they took out his tattoos to show you what he would look like with no tattoos, and what he looks like is the bank robber.
And it was the guy, and he was a serial bank robber.
So you're being lied to.
We tell you that at Censored.tv.
Anyway, in the interim, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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