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July 23, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:05:19

GOML LIVE #109 - MATTY JAMBOREE

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
	Who's that again?
	Japanese Panther?
	Tijuana Panthers.
	Tijuana Panthers from Long Beach, California.
	Reader submission.
	Happy to get them.
	I would say two-thirds of our reader submissions for music are awesome bands I never heard of that.
	I'm happy to hear.
	We have Maddie Odell co-hosting by the bar.
	Everybody, hello?
	Just like Watch What Happens Live.
	Andy Cohen has a sexy hunk behind the bar when he does Watch What Happens Live.
	We're the same way.
	We know people want eye candy.
	We're not stupid.
	We know sex sells.
	So we have a gorgeous sexy hunk.
	I mean, I do joke, but I bet a lot of women want to fuck you.
	I've had my fair share.
	Well, you're a bad boy.
	You're a rough boy.
	I'm a rough boy.
	I want to get bit and kissed.
	Like, I can't tell you how many beautiful women, including Kat, that chick who was a drug addict, Kat Marnell, asked me about Artie Lang.
	They're like, is Artie Lang single?
	What's going on with him?
	I go, he's a fat, drunken fucking drug addict derelict.
	And they're like, yeah, exactly.
	Did you see what he did to his face with his nose?
	Oh, we were talking about that the other day.
	Holy cow.
	He's punishing himself with his nose, where he's saying, I'm not going to give me a new nose until I know that I can trust me.
	Like, if your kid crashes a car, you don't buy him a new car.
	So his kid is him, and the car is his fucking nose.
	And he's saying, I'm not getting you a nose until I know you're not going to sniff it away.
	Demons.
	The monkeys.
	On the back.
	The monkeys.
	On the back.
	Before we get started with today's show, I'd like to thank Tactical Walls.
	They're going to be in here any second now.
	By the way, August is going to be a crazy month.
	I'm going to be gone.
	I'm renting an RV.
	I'm going to go check out Tennessee and North Carolina and South Carolina.
	Please email me places to visit.
	I'm going to go to Dollywood, of course.
	And I'd love to meet up with some of you.
	Just don't be Antifa in disguise or I'll slit your throat.
	But Modwall is going to come into the studio and build us a bunch of Modwalls.
	Nice.
	For everything from...
	Unfortunately, we live in a shithole country called New York where we can't have any of these beautiful guns.
	What are these, Maddie?
	That one you're pointing to is a SCAR-17.
	A SCAR-17?
	Yeah.
	It could be either heavy or light.
	There's a SCAR-17 heavy and a SCAR-17 light.
	Just different rounds.
	And what are they, like one trigger?
	No, no, they can be full auto, but they're no, it's high-power weapon.
	They can be full auto.
	Oh, yeah.
	Can they take a .30-odd 6?
	The heavy is a 30-caliber round, which is the same as a 30-odd 6.
	And the light can take .22s?
	I believe it's maybe a 5.56, like a 223.
	Here's a retarded question.
	Is there a gun that you can put any bullet you want into?
	A giant 30-odd 6 or a .22?
	Some guns will shoot different rounds, similar rounds.
	Like a 410 can shoot, I believe, a 44.
	Like, you could use them interchangeable in, like, these revolvers they make.
	But you'd have to change the whole barrel because of the way the bullet from the projectile looks down.
	The barrel is going to change everything.
	Right.
	The 22 is going to be bouncing around in a...
	Right, it really wouldn't go anywhere because it needs, when the round goes into the chamber, into the barrel, you know, it's very snug.
	I mean, it's not a thing.
	That's the whole point.
	In order for the bullet to go forward, it needs, after the primer gets hit in the explosion, the projectile shoots out.
	Like if your house went on fire, you had a box of bullets in there.
	Like, yeah, the bullets would explode, but they're not going to go shooting into you, like, to kill you.
	Because when the powder inside the shell explodes, there's nothing to make the projectile go straight.
	Right.
	It just pops off and then, you know, it drops.
	It's a little mini bomb.
	Yeah, it wouldn't really hurt you.
	By the way, when you're watching this, people south of the Mason-Dixon line and everywhere cool in the world, and you see me being a retard about guns, you should get mad at society.
	You should get mad at New York.
	Not me.
	I'm a product of my environment.
	Get mad at my environment.
	It's sort of like with black dudes where they're like, some Asian lady grabbed her purse.
	Get mad at the black dudes who robbed purses.
	Get mad at the fact that I will never touch one of these.
	That's fucked up.
	I'm a victim.
	Anyway, this shoots any caliber.
	You can change...
	38, 350.
	Yeah, you'd have to change the cylinder.
	Don't you have to change the cylinder?
	As Maddie just said?
	It looks like...
	You know what?
	There's this other rifle that does exactly that.
	You take out the barrel and you switch it out.
	Right.
	And it's kind of a goofy.
	At that point, it's...
	Why not just grab a different gun?
	It's like end-of-the-world type shit where you're scrounging for ammo, you know?
	Oh, so maybe that barrel has different settings.
	And when you click it, the barrel changes.
	Looks like it, yeah.
	It gets tighter or it sets itself.
	No, that doesn't make sense because the wide barrel would have small barrels in the way.
	Anyway, this is all part of a tacticalwalls.com ad.
	Use Gavin for 20% off all orders.
	That is tacticalwalls.com.
	Promo code Gavin15, they both work.
	Gavin, Gavin15 is 20% off.
	They have a huge variety, by the way, of promo codes in case you mistype.
	Lowercase, uppercase, that's fine.
	And the mod wall is just the tip of the iceberg with these guys.
	We've got the issue box.
	We've got fucking shit for baseball.
	Stuff for hide your guns in mirrors.
	You know, I sold a house a long time ago, and the new owners knew who I was, and they were very nervous about it.
	And they go, are there any weapons lying around?
	Because we have young children, they might come across them.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I have so many, like, mirrors and shelves and things where if you double push them, they open up into a huge arsenal that your child might discover.
	I've forgotten them all.
	I like the one where...
	You have so many, you forgot where they all are.
	I forgot where they are.
	And that's one thing about gun owners.
	They always forget where their guns are.
	It's a problem.
	It's a major problem.
	Like my blur.
	Like your blur.
	That one, you know, that's in your stairs.
	So when you're walking up the stairs and they're like, bring us to your stuff.
	And you're bringing them upstairs and then you kick the stair and then it launches the shotgun.
	Wait, is that a real thing?
	Because that sounds like a cool one.
	I'm making it up.
	Well, I'm sure Tactical Walls is watching that.
	They can literally make it up.
	And they would do that.
	You just give it a tap.
	You kick the one stair like two times and then it launches a shotgun into your hands.
	I like that you're blurry.
	It shows how retarded you are.
	Thank you.
	Wait.
	TacticalWalls.com.
	So as you know, the way this show works is everything is free for half an hour.
	We put this on the podcast world.
	Everyone can see what we're up to.
	And then we go behind the paywall and we take calls.
	Maddie's here.
	We've got a lot of sponsors.
	There's a lot of stuff to handle.
	So the idea of also getting into the news and talking about Proud Boys at the Wii Spa and the inauguration, too much to cover.
	So we've decided on Thursdays now to just stick to mail.
	Mail for the first hour, calls for the second hour.
	But I was telling Maddie at our local, there's a new guy, there's a new kid in town.
	And I've got some good vibes about him.
	I've yet to meet him, but I'm interested.
	Funny and smart.
	A hermit.
	So he didn't know our pub existed for many years.
	He hates my town.
	The neighbor's complaining about his tree because it's partly on her property and she's worried the branches are going to fall and hit her garage.
	Perfect example of where I live.
	And being MAGA in 2021 in New York State, I shouldn't say New York State, but like New York and the surrounding suburbs, you're great upstate, is like being gay in the 50s.
	And you, I would assume the way it was in the 50s is you'd say like, silk feels really good.
	It's a very nice fabric.
	And then the other guy has like silk panties on and then you guys.
	So with him, I was like, I was talking about the owner of the bar, they did new cement in front of his bar and he wanted to write his name in it or write the name of the bar.
	And I go, that's vandalism.
	And the guys for the January 6th meandering are getting arrested.
	No, not arrested.
	They're getting charged now.
	But it's not insurrection, which is a capital offense.
	And you have to be murdered.
	Unless you're John Walker Lind.
	Level 42.
	And they don't fucking murder you because you're a Muslim.
	Muslim privilege.
	So it's the most serious offense, right?
	Treason and I think treason and insurrection would be at level 42, which is the highest level on offense levels on the federal sentencing chart.
	They should call it 1.
	It goes from 1 to 6 and 0 to 42.
	So it's 1.
	No, 42 is the highest level.
	That's treason level.
	So what do you mean 1 to 6?
	Oh, on the top, that's your criminal history level.
	If you have an extensive criminal history, you have no criminal history, you'll be a one.
	I got you.
	If you have an extensive one, you'll be a six.
	And then you have the offense levels that go down the right-hand side.
	They go from one to 42.
	So the first guy got eight months, and you go, all right.
	But if it's a 42, it should be, they should be murdered.
	I'm not saying that you should get the electric chair for the insurrection.
	I call it the meandering.
	And the charges are showing as much.
	They're saying they're saying trespassing and vandalism.
	Wait a minute.
	I just remembered something, Ryan.
	I said to our South African friend, we're going to call him tonight.
	Willem.
	Yeah.
	Petzer.
	Can you grab my phone?
	Sure.
	It's up Maddie's ass.
	It's on vibrate, too.
	So just have him relax.
	Yeah.
	I said bring my phone because I left it at his house.
	And he's, I think it's by there on the brown couch.
	He's so used to being inside that when he brings anything, he smuggles it up his ass in a balloon.
	One time he brought a six-pack to a party, and it was in a black balloon.
	On the East Coast, you would call it, you would boof it.
	Boofing, right.
	And then on the west coast, they call it keestering.
	Eastering.
	Keistering.
	You got a keys to that.
	Here we go.
	It's really going to be exceptionally difficult for me to do that because that will be 3am my time in the first place.
	And secondly, things are like it's cold as shit, yeah, and also there is very, very bad signal.
	And yeah, it's just like a proper hunting trip.
	I think if we do an interview, I think we should just do it Monday if that's okay.
	Like, I know I would say that we can maybe do it on the weekends while I'm here, but yeah, that was a stupid thing to say in the first place.
	So that's a no.
	Should I just call him anyway?
	I've just been rejected.
	No.
	No, it's 3 a.m.
	Yeah, well.
	Can you play the You Have Hurt Me Today?
	Oh, of course.
	Because Willem has hurt me today.
	He's known as a white supremacist, by the way, because he's concerned about his people getting massacred on a daily basis, which they are.
	Doesn't that show you where we will be if we start getting massacred?
	You have a problem with being ethnocided?
	Well, you're a white supremacist.
	Here we go.
	You have hurt me today.
	Sorry that you've been hurt.
	We'll get him on next week.
	You want to see something funny?
	Yeah.
	To lighten this up a little bit.
	This is...
	Are we getting too dark already?
	I'm hiding things that he wouldn't want to see, but look at this exchange.
	This is hilarious.
	You just sent a screenshot, like three screenshots.
	And he's like, why did you send this?
	You know, I have a theory about South Africa.
	Zuma is killing them all because they asked for human rights.
	Right?
	But with the South African accent, you hear human rats.
	So Zuma is so stupid, he's scared of human rats.
	Like rats that are part human.
	That's why he's killing all the whites.
	Because they want rats.
	Human rats.
	I think it's kind of smart to be scared of human rats.
	It is.
	Right.
	But double check and be like, are these actually human rats that are going to be attacking me?
	Or is this just someone who wants human rats?
	They have a mythical creature in South Africa that looks like a human rat called the Tokolosh.
	Oh, really?
	We have French.
	Hey.
	No joke.
	You're cool.
	And they believe in it.
	I read a great article today about Africa and the vernacular there and how they don't really have dictionaries like English, French-English dictionaries, because most of the languages are spoken.
	So they're like, why do you have a dictionary?
	It's your language.
	You know it.
	They have like eight different languages they speak there.
	But they don't really have the term promise in the entire continent.
	I promise I'll do that for you.
	Wow.
	Because it takes an abstract sense of morality to know that I'm committing to do something.
	So in Africa, this article, by the way, is called, it's very offensive.
	It's called Morality and Abstract Thinking, How Africans May Differ from Westerners from Amren.com.
	Ooh, controversial source.
	But in Africa, I promise I'll do that for you means I will do my best, but no guarantees.
	So when it doesn't happen, it's no problem.
	Because I didn't promise you.
	I just said I promise.
	Yeah.
	Doesn't mean anything.
	Different culture, different peeps.
	So we're going to stick with some others.
	Oh, yeah, but this John guy, sorry, to get back to the original story.
	I was talking about our friend who was going to write his name in the cement.
	And I said, that's vandalism.
	And these guys at the, I didn't even call it the meandering because I don't want to burn an abridge with a newbie.
	And I said, I said, it's the insurrection.
	I said, the guys who are arrested for the insurrection, so you don't know where I stand yet, were arrested for trespassing.
	And as I was saying insurrection, he went, oh yeah, the insurrection.
	And I was like, ooh.
	Okay.
	Someone's wearing pink pants in the 50s?
	We have a little assemblage.
	He's one of us.
	I told you about that.
	I was at my wife's family reunion with her white side of the family.
	And there was this guy there, young man, 22.
	So I'm just like, my arms are behind my back.
	I'm on parole.
	Best behavior.
	Hello.
	Hi.
	How are you?
	Hello.
	And they're all liberal.
	They're all from Madison.
	And my wife's uncle's son, so I guess it's her cousin, was talking about taxes.
	And he goes, yeah, yeah, oh, I'm sure that'll trickle down.
	That's the way it works, right?
	The more we tax, the more money we get.
	And I sort of, my gay dar went up.
	And I was like, huh.
	So you don't think high taxes are helping anyone?
	So then I dared to sort of sachet over.
	And I said, yeah, I mean, it would appear to me that the more you tax something, the less you get of it.
	If you charge people for jaywalking $100 every time they jaywalk, probably going to be less jaywalking.
	Exactly.
	If you punish entrepreneurs, you're probably going to get less entrepreneurs.
	And then he was like, well, hello.
	That means you get.
	Hello, my good friend.
	We started making eyes.
	That means you're conservative.
	And we started making eyes at each other, basically.
	And we ran out of beer.
	And I go, I'm going to go.
	I'll find a beer store.
	We're in Malibu at a house the family rented.
	I go, I'm going to go get more beer.
	Anyone want to come?
	He goes, yeah, I'll go with you.
	Down the alleyway.
	Oh, yeah.
	Dude, we get into the car.
	And it was just, this is 2016.
	So we get into the car and it's just like, finally, someone who fucking cares about this country.
	I talk to real estate agents and things are going up really fast.
	We finally have someone who wants a free market, who doesn't apologize all the time.
	You know, Americans only really care about two things.
	They care about stop apologizing all the time and we want guns.
	And they keep talking about racism all the time, racism, racism, racism.
	No one fucking cares about racism in this country.
	It's old news.
	They keep reviving.
	It's a fucking communist talking point.
	And we're both talking at the same time.
	We go, we get the beer.
	We're not even looking at the beer we're getting.
	We're screaming about Trump the whole time.
	I pull back in.
	We're gone like 20 minutes.
	The second we walk back into the house, boom.
	We separate and go to different parts.
	Because we just fucked.
	In the car.
	In the car.
	He went and had a quickie.
	He had a quickie.
	He is another Trump murder.
	It's fucking ironic, isn't it?
	Yeah.
	And then you talk to gays, like the gays we just saw.
	That was Brandon Stracha getting attacked by a Negro.
	And they were beating Brandon Stracha because he's a Trump supporter.
	And so they started filming it and saying, a bunch of women are attacking us because we're gay.
	They're calling us faggots.
	So that woman had just yelled out, they're Trump supporters, which negates any accusations of prejudice.
	You can kill Trump supporters with reckless abandon.
	That's perfectly reasonable.
	Speaking of African dictionary, it's kind of bleeding.
	They have a dictionary, but it's here.
	Oof, y'all, and yeet have now been added to the American dictionary.
	What's oof?
	Like, holy cow, like, that was harsh.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	That's our word.
	Yeah.
	Yeet and y'all.
	I've been saying oof my whole life.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you know who would like that dick?
	Your mother.
	Oof.
	Oof.
	Oh, oof.
	What is yeet?
	Yeet.
	What is like, I think to get out of there, like, I'm out of here.
	Like, yeet.
	Dude, that came out like an hour ago.
	This year.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeet definition.
	Let's do our second sponsor, Need of Fashions.
	I was wrong.
	This is one of the only days I'm not wearing Need of Fashions.
	Oh, wait.
	Sorry, go back to Yeet.
	Yeet needs an exclamation of excitement, approval, surprise, or all our energy off.
	We should do like a current cultural word of.
	So you can't even help us with youth culture now?
	I'm out of touch.
	That's why I think we should do a service to all the viewers and tell them.
	Tire you.
	Yes.
	But besides that, tell them urban culture.
	So just in case they miss it.
	And somebody walks by them and like.
	I'm 50 years old, a father of three in the suburbs.
	Maddie's an ex-con, also in the burbs.
	We're not going to be getting anyone up to date on urban vernacular.
	That's your job.
	Where are you?
	I'm too old for that.
	I resent that culture.
	So I'm just...
	Brian, you are 32?
	You have the brain of a 19-year-old.
	You don't even know what Elise is.
	Elise?
	Yeah, I went to school with her.
	Yeah, you see?
	The girl I banged.
	Anita Fashions.
	So this is the only day I'm not wearing Anita Fashions jacket.
	This is Ted Baker, but the shirt is Anita Fashions.
	Perfectly tailed.
	Look at this.
	You know how much of a loser you look like when you don't have your top button done up?
	You look like a half-assed turd who's going for his first job interview after your paperboy route.
	You need to have customized shirts.
	Now, I understand it's expensive to have all custom suits.
	Fine.
	Get a bunch of cheap suits if you must, but at least have your dress shirts be custom-made.
	And that's what's fantastic about Nita Fashions.
	So you contact them through their Twitter.
	You can DM them.
	Or you can go, I think it's info at nitafashions.com.
	And what they used to do back when I discovered them when I worked at Fox News is they'd come to a hotel room and they'd measure you up.
	They'd show you a bunch of swatches.
	You'd choose like five shirts, six suits, or you could do it.
	You can go super cheap with them.
	You can do like a $50 dress shirt and nothing else.
	But it'll fit you like a fucking glove.
	Now they can't do that because of COVID, although I'm sure it's booting back up soon.
	So you call them on like a video conference call or FaceTime, whatever you want.
	You measure yourself up in front of them, and then they make you your suit, your shirts, whatever you need, and FedEx it to you.
	Wow.
	And then you steam it, you iron it, and now you have a shirt that fits you so fucking perfectly.
	You know, if you fly first class once, you're spoiled and you need it again.
	Like you can't go to coach ever again, although you do.
	I do.
	But when you have a custom suit or a custom shirt, you realize it wasn't the shirt or the suit that was bothering me.
	It was the fit.
	Once it fits you perfectly, it's like PJs.
	Like these shoes, for example, they're not that expensive.
	They're J. Crew.
	These feel more comfy than Chuck's.
	I cannot say enough about these.
	I could run a thousand miles in these things.
	And that's how I feel about my need of fashion suits.
	I could, especially in July where the humidity is killing you.
	When you have a suit that fits, it's just a different universe.
	So if you're rich, I would recommend you get six custom suits.
	And also, by the way, I know you're going to get fatter.
	I did.
	I added like an inch to my waistline.
	They had already added an inch in there.
	All they had to do was let it out.
	So if you're rich, get like six suits and 10 shirts and you'll be walking around in pajamas.
	It'll feel comfier than the basketball shorts and the t-shirt you're wearing now.
	If you're broke, then get one dress shirt and that's it.
	If you're a little more, less than broke, then get one awesome gray suit that you can wear to weddings and funerals that fits you perfectly and a $150 shirt.
	And by the way, you will get infinite pussy at weddings and funerals.
	Sorry about the funeral thing, but it's true.
	When you have a fit suit.
	There's nothing worse than seeing a man at a wedding or something where his hand looks like this.
	It's downright embarrassing.
	It hurts to look at.
	Grow up, you fucking infant.
	What was that?
	I said, you hurt me today.
	You've hurt me today.
	If your blazer goes beyond your wrist.
	Come on, dude.
	I'm going to have to order a couple of shirts.
	Anyway, NitaFashions.com.
	Check them out.
	All right.
	So anyway, let me just finally finish this story.
	What the fuck?
	I was charging this bitch all day.
	She better be.
	Oh, there we go.
	So when he said the insurrection in quotes, I think we're good.
	Oh, yeah, the insurrection.
	That's all you need.
	How dare you call it that?
	That's become a good little litmus test.
	Oh, yeah.
	Did you roll your eyes when you said the insurrection, if you go like this, the insurrection, or did you say the insurrection?
	It's kind of like that day, Teacher Joe, said that the Republican Party had their private army like Antifa.
	And you go, oh, yeah, who?
	The KKK.
	That's sort of how we met.
	Maddie was bartending at the bar and was talking to some teacher.
	And I said, you know, that DNC has their own paramilitary wing, Antifa.
	And he goes, so does the right.
	And I go, who?
	He goes, I'm just repeating Maddie's story, but whatever.
	He goes, the KKK.
	And I didn't know Maddie at all then.
	No.
	And we look over each other, we meet eyes, and Maddie just goes, really?
	The KKK.
	Yeah.
	So I know the Antifa are at every fucking left-wing rally ever.
	Are the KKK at every right-wing rally?
	No.
	Following Matt Goetz on their horses?
	They're lucky if they could afford to travel to the local Kmart.
	Crow the fuck up, you losers.
	How much of this shit can they all believe is really what it's coming down to?
	Okay, this isn't good for the fluidity of the show, but I'm going to read letters I haven't vetted yet.
	There's one, two, three, four, five.
	So normally we would dive into the letters and they'd all be good.
	And then I might read some stinkers.
	I start with stinkers because they've arrived since I've been talking at the beginning of the show half an hour ago.
	Hey, Gav, I've been to a number of dead shows in NYC.
	Okay, that's a great point.
	Let's start with this.
	The Grateful Dead suck shit.
	That's a fact.
	They are probably the worst band ever made.
	I cannot believe how many people like them.
	It boggles the mind.
	Have you ever heard these bootleg tapes where people just hold up a cassette player in the sky and record it?
	It's shocking.
	Shockingly bad.
	All you hear is the crowd.
	Look up Grateful Dead bootleg tapes.
	It sounds like your dad and his brother, your uncle, got on stage after a wedding and just put on the instruments that were sitting there and just started going before they got kicked out.
	All right.
	Cool.
	And, you know, my chick part with.
	He's proud.
	The Jerry Garfield.
	See if we can actually hear him.
	He loved it.
	I was never into the dead.
	I've been to the dead shows at NYC back in the 90s.
	There were some of the best times of my life.
	Your life sucks.
	Parting as a young man.
	What do you think of that subculture compared to punks?
	There are some similarities with the do-it-yourself thing.
	No, there's not.
	Deadheads are known for doing whatever they could for money to make it to the next show.
	No, they sold acid.
	There was no DIY.
	There was no collectivism.
	There was no fighting Nazi skinheads.
	There was nothing.
	It was just getting high.
	A lot of nitrous oxide.
	Self-indulgent fucking losers.
	It's like my 600-pound life.
	You're just eating Twinkies.
	You're indulging your addiction.
	I think I've seen once in the park like some girl was selling peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
	Wow, what a great entrepreneur.
	She had like a loaf of wonder bread and a peanut butter in a jelly jar, and that was, she was selling them for two bucks.
	Imagine, like, it's one thing to be so shitty that you like the Grateful Dead, but imagine also thinking, I was part of a cool movement called the Deadheads.
	No, dude.
	Okay, turn that up, Ryan.
	Let's hear the Grateful Dead.
	There's Titty.
	This is a colonoscopy.
	How do they do it?
	It looks like it's two ferro heads.
	Oh, dude, there's full frontal male noodly.
	Male noodly?
	No noodly.
	Matt in Italy?
	Well, it is noodly.
	It's got the twigs and berries out.
	Sounds great.
	The meat and two veg.
	Fucking gross.
	Hire Kevin Brennan, someone says.
	That guy seems like a dick.
	Last sponsor before we close out and go behind the paywall and have some real fun.
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	Take the tincture to take the edge off.
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	That's the tip of the iceberg.
	That's all that I've tried.
	I haven't tried the other 347 things on this.
	Johnnyapple.com promo code Gavin gets you 20% off all orders.
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	Because now you're getting your CBD and you're changing the world.
	You're supporting free speech.
	You're saying thank you to this American company that is not kowtowing to the psychopaths.
	Also, by the way, another sponsor, Bubba and Hanks.
	Oh.
	What did you think of that?
	I loved it.
	Let me tell you something.
	So what have you had so far?
	That was a goodie bag that is still going.
	So what have you had so far from?
	So far I've had the chopped meat.
	Then I've had, I put that, I did that in like a meat sauce.
	Made a like a, you know, a red gravy with the chopped meat in it.
	Meat sauce over the spaghetti.
	Then I had, I just went through the six pack of burgers.
	Delicious.
	Amazing.
	Amazing.
	Amazing.
	And I have defrosting now the beef off asabucco.
	So I'm having that later this week.
	What do you do burgers as?
	What medium rare, medium well?
	I like it medium rare.
	A little pink in the middle.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, me too.
	Same with my taste.
	So I take them out of the fridge.
	I put them up the room temp.
	I sprinkle each side with a little bit of salt for the hour.
	Then I leave them to get to room temp.
	And then I right on the grill.
	All right, so now we're leaving the free part of the show.
	Kind of gave Bub and Hanks a free ad there, by the way.
	We're going to go behind the paywall.
	By the way, censored.tv has hours and hours of content every night.
	It's better than Netflix and Hulu.
	It's not woke.
	It makes you feel sane.
	There's no agenda here, by the way.
	We just talk normally.
	We basically are America in 1994 before it got woke.
	So when we see a man dressed as a woman, we laugh because he looks silly.
	We don't pretend that we're looking at someone who has changed their gender.
	That's all it is.
	It's portrayed as some sort of hate site, but it really is just you.
	20 years ago?
	That's all.
	Anyway, we're about to get uncensored, uncensored, so stick around if you got money and fuck off if you don't and get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	What's he saying?
	Get fired?
	I don't like it.
	It's called Fired, yeah.
	That's a cool song.
	The Tijuana Panthers.
	Is that a picture of John Wayne?
	Looks like it.
	Looks like get interested.
	It's called Wayne Interest.
	Dude, if you're pro John Wayne and you say get fired, they're American Surf Rock Band from Long Beach, California.
	That's it.
	Surf rock.
	I'm going to get fired.
	Ooh, carpet denim instead of carp DM?
	That's a right-wing phrase, carp DM.
	Because they're military.
	What do you call it?
	Carp DM?
	Yes.
	And what does that mean?
	It means live for the day.
	It's carp a diem, and it means seize the day.
	You don't speak Latin?
	Yep, I know.
	You don't speak English.
	I do.
	Yeet.
	So if bands are slightly red-pilled, just like our dude at the bar and the guy at the family reunion, they have to just sort of release little tiny things.
	Little tidbits.
	Like Carpe Diem.
	Huh.
	And I bet if I contacted them and they were like, yeah, we love your show.
	We watch it every night.
	I go, okay, I want to go to one of your shows.
	They go, okay, we can't be seen with you.
	I'm going to a buddy's birthday party and he's got this band playing that are super PC and he's like, let's make it a Halloween party and then you can wear a disguise.
	Oh my God.
	Yeah.
	If a friend of mine asked me to do that, we'd have problems.
	Well, that's when I said, then I don't want to go.
	Yeah.
	And he's like, yeah, I was worried you would say that.
	I mean, we can risk it, but the band might go, we just saw the founder of the Proud Boys is here.
	Fuck you.
	We're out.
	Yeah, fuck the band.
	Get a different band.
	Get a better band.
	Yeah.
	I get that.
	I see that.
	All right, you ready?
	You ready, Maddie?
	Yes, sir.
	Leave it to dictionary.com to get urban words wrong.
	It's like asking a woman to describe what it's like to be kicked in the balls.
	The urban dictionary has it correct.
	What?
	Just like Froboy Ryan said.
	Yeet.
	Oh, so we've got to the minute letters that pertain to earlier parts in the episode.
	Or discard an item at a high velocity or to leave.
	Right, right.
	So you were right.
	Yeah, but I guess it has multiple meanings.
	Nope.
	Ryan, be confident.
	What the fuck?
	Was that just like some trick in a trailer park?
	To discard an item at high velocity.
	I wonder if Urban Dictionary or whatever that...
	What if they make money?
	Is that like a viable site?
	Could you invest in that?
	Because if they're recording pronunciations, then there's someone there who cares about the site.
	Yeah.
	And it's not just a fuck-off.
	I mean, that is really poorly recorded, but yeah, it is.
	And there's a yeet mug.
	And there's tickets on the right-hand side.
	There's ads.
	So.
	Huh.
	Who knew?
	Who knew?
	What is ult?
	Dragon is my yeet.
	True for ultimate bias.
	Wow, my ult.
	Okay.
	Yeet too.
	I don't care.
	I'm too old for this.
	Next letter.
	Russian drunk pisses himself in a funny way.
	Okay, let's watch a Russian man piss himself.
	Hey, downloading.
	Why is it downloading?
	Mine's ready to rock.
	The fuck?
	Ew, his dick is coming out of his pants.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, fuck.
	Not safe for work.
	Seek, son.
	For fuck's sake, Alan.
	Alan!
	Oh, you just made it worse by touching it, dude.
	There we go.
	At least he's got his mask.
	Well, you gotta flex a bit, right?
	Use your muscles torture muscles.
	Every time he talks, it moves.
	But he says nothing.
	Yeah, because you use your stomach muscles to talk.
	You gotta at least wake up to articulate, too.
	Oh, the laughing makes it come out too.
	Anyway.
	He's gonna be destroyed tomorrow.
	Yeah.
	Brilliant style.
	That was great.
	And that was not an edited one.
	No.
	Wow.
	You know what?
	Okay, fine.
	I'm gonna check out a musical suggestion without vetting it first.
	Mrs. Magician Video Drum.
	Solid band music.
	I think they've disbanded.
	Strange Heaven is a great album.
	You can find yourself singing along to every song.
	From what I remember, the lead singer was a woke joke.
	So we'd probably hate this being recommended to you all.
	Well, let's hope we hate it.
	Let's try to hate this band, Mrs. Magician Video Drum.
	Sounds pretty cool.
	More surfy.
	Pretty gay, but good.
	Do a drop from 043.
	You and Camilla lack diversity with German Americans.
	Have Anthony's Eastern Euro slave, Luby, do a show with Michael Malis for a 10-minute plot.
	Did I tell you what happened with Luby?
	She's a Slovak, so I have Colin, what's his name's book on Colin Sacco's graphic novel on the war in Croatia,
	Slovakia, whatever.
	So I go, I've already read this.
	I can buy another one if I really care about it.
	So I brought it to her.
	And then because she's pretty and I'm obviously a horn dog, I thought, oh, fuck.
	Now it looks like I'm trying to get in her pants.
	And then she didn't show up for the next like three compound censored.
	And I thought, oh, fuck, I creeped her out.
	I obviously would love to fuck her, don't get me wrong.
	But, you know, beggars can't be choosers.
	I wasn't making a move.
	But now she's back.
	She's got to go to 43.
	That's a 43.
	Oh, um, here we go.
	Your attack will not be an easy one.
	Your enemy is well trained, well equipped, and battle part.
	He will fight savagely.
	I don't get what this has to do with Anthony and I. I'm starting to slur like Joe Biden.
	You like diversity with German-American.
	All right, that's a non-screen letter.
	Here's the last non-screened letter.
	I don't know if this is worth your care at all, but I work in a school for the handicapped in Quebec.
	I did that once, sort of.
	I worked in a place in Quebec at a daycare in Verdun that was so shitty and poor that the kids were inevitably handicapped.
	And the kids there love Dharman.
	They idolize this guy.
	These are 18-year-olds with the IQs of first graders and below all super awesome kids, but they absolutely adore his videos and watch them over and over again.
	They analyze them, try to find deeper meanings, and refer to them all the time.
	I don't really get it.
	I think the answer is they feel smart watching the videos, question mark.
	I'm not trying to make fun of them, but it might be an answer as to why his shitty videos do so well.
	Average people are just above the level of the mentality of the mentally handicapped.
	Love you, sunglasses.
	Oh, that kind of explains something.
	Dude, Darman's numbers are so high because retards are watching them 800 times a day.
	So it's actually probably like 15,000 people watching them 100,000 times.
	How many views did the airline that went on the airplane?
	Let's look that up.
	Jefferson Airplane?
	I sent that to Tucker Carlson, actually.
	And I go, the reason people don't like you is because you treat handicapped people like shit when they sit next to you on a plane.
	And he said, if I had enough credit dollar for every time I've done that, I could be...
	I don't know, living in Kuala Lampur.
	His jokes are too esoteric and educated.
	That's ridiculous.
	How many views does this have?
	How would you like to move to first class?
	This has 7 million, rounding 8.
	8 million views.
	Oh, fundraiser.
	Look at that.
	What?
	The theory goes farther.
	It says fucking fundraiser, right?
	The fucking error.
	So this is some government.
	he's not taking the money for these.
	Oh, so your theory is this is his probation, right?
	This is a government-mandated activity.
	That's your theory.
	How many likes and dislikes do we have?
	What is that?
	219 likes, 3.6,000 dislikes, 219,000.
	Okay, I'm surprised.
	To help individuals, okay, I don't know if all of his videos have fundraisers, but this one's raised $14,000 for people with disabilities.
	Because we're so sick of them getting abused.
	But go back to the donation thing.
	Like, try to donate, but don't quite donate.
	Or do donate.
	I don't care.
	Oh, so it goes right to Special Olympics.
	So I don't know if you saw the episode, Maddie, but Ryan's theory is that Darman is doing probation and he has to do these PSAs.
	Because he got caught with some, he got arrested for some pot stuff, like CBD, whatever, but not CBD.
	Yep.
	Like legal marijuana stuff.
	It could be, because he's considered an influencer.
	Yeah, he had to use his influence for the greater good of humankind.
	You know who had to do that was Bujo Bantan when he did his hit Batty Boy.
	No, his hit Boom Bye Bye, wherein he said that Batty Boys have to die.
	They have to be killed.
	Boom bye-bye in a Batty Boy way.
	Me don't want them Batty Boys, I'm happy pay.
	And then he had to do a commercial going, well, Guan, I'm Bujo Bantan, and I want you to know that faggots are okay with me, and it is a major crisis, you know, and you should use a condom and all manner of things.
	I think who also had to do that was Takashi69.
	Oh, yeah.
	He was doing like public service announcement at Romantic Depot against women violence.
	Yes, we featured that on the show.
	Oh, my God.
	They probably said you have to promote businesses.
	And then he goes, okay, what about this business?
	And there was some bureaucrat who was black, an affirmative action hired, that was just stamping things.
	Approved, approved.
	Yes, I approved.
	There it is.
	And meanwhile, it's probably his friend.
	And she probably like sucked his balls off its hinges.
	Well, there's one in the Bronx not too far from the city.
	Oh, I've been there before.
	Man, not too far from the middle.
	I've been there.
	God, it's good.
	And then there's another one up here in Westchester.
	They're always trying to upsell you there.
	You go in there, you got like a lingerie and a dildo and something, and they're like, no, no, no, you don't want this.
	And I'm like, I actually want to get the fuck out of here.
	And like, no, this vibrator only has one speed.
	Okay.
	I'll deal with one speed.
	This is not the dildo you wanted.
	Public service announcements by celebrities that get in trouble.
	What a scam.
	I never had that.
	Yeah, you had to go to prison.
	Yeah.
	You ready to spice things up?
	You do know you have to know your partner's limitations.
	I agree.
	When I was a young guy, I used to make a lot of stupid mistakes.
	I'm ready to learn more.
	Get informed.
	Help stop violence against women.
	Visit a Romantic Depot near you and pick up your free pamphlet.
	Thanks to Romantic Depot.
	I now know how to treat women with dignity and respect.
	Visit Romantic Depot, Auckland.
	Go to RomanticDepot.com for directions.
	Make sure you go visit Romantic Depot for all your Valentine's gifts.
	Wow.
	That guy is a romantic.
	Yeah, man.
	Okay.
	Sorry, go ahead.
	I was going to say, here's a double fifth in 12-inch dildo, babe.
	Yo, and if you go right now, you get a double vibrating ass plug.
	For free.
	Yeah, if there's one place where it's important to talk about women's rights, it's at a fucking sex club.
	My son packed four years of drinking, fucking, and fighting into two years of college and is ready to get out working.
	He likes looking good and snazzy.
	A snazzy blazer would help him get a job while his beta male peers are busy living on the dole.
	Where'd you get the vertical stripe blazer?
	My vertical stripe blazer, sir, was a Vivian Westwood I got at Century 21, which is a place here in New York City that has overstock.
	So you can get fancy brands for cheap prices.
	It was too long, so then I had a tailor take it up.
	Your son can't recreate that, but Nita Fashions, you could easily find a swatch of that material and have them make that blazer for, I'm going to say 500 bucks,
	Max.
	I don't know.
	Ask them.
	But it would be just as good as a Vivian Westwood blazer.
	House of Tards meme.
	Evening gents, you're welcome for my services, man.
	It's made as a meme with the House of Tards.
	And I do think they are retarded.
	I do think every woman in that picture would have trouble with 11 times 12.
	Wait, that's the one I got?
	That one's tough for me.
	Yeah.
	Even me.
	You're a retard.
	It's 121, isn't it?
	No, that's...
	Well, here's what you could do with 11 times 12.
	You go 11 times 10 is 110.
	Then you can add 11.
	Oh, 122.
	121.
	Then you can add 11, and you get 132.
	That's what it is?
	Okay.
	Well, no, now I think I went up to 11 times.
	I think it's 122.
	You could do 12 times 10 is 120, plus another 12 is 132.
	If you wanted to go that route.
	Fuck.
	See, Maddie's not drunk.
	No.
	So he's even better at math.
	I can do math in public.
	True.
	To gap in my anus and nothing wrong with that.
	Was watching Gavin Anthony talk about his foreskin removal on stage and then Instagram shows me this.
	That's kind of weird.
	This is a very disturbing lamp that I wouldn't recommend.
	I mean, are they doing that on purpose?
	The lamp company?
	Not the joke.
	But do they recognize that they're making a foreskin lamp?
	They must, right?
	They have to.
	That's the problem with clown world is I never know what's a joke anymore.
	Obviously, it's a novelty.
	Gavbag and Ryan, check out Winter Gloves.
	I know they're Canadian.
	You probably discovered them.
	Still, their music is right up your alley.
	Synth Poppunk.
	I especially like Factories and Let Me Drive.
	If this is Ancient Chinese Secret, I'll acquiesce and have intimate sexual relations with you as you wear adjusting feminine footwear.
	I enjoy your decision and new solar blocking eyewear.
	Nikki B. Let's check out Winter Gloves, the band.
	He recommends factories and let me drive.
	Okay, let's check out Let Me Drive.
	I thought you were ultimately right.
	I know you're not.
	Come on, just let me try and say I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	Let's try factories.
	Fucking quiz.
	That would make the song much better if those were real samples.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Sounded like a video game.
	Yeah, I kind of like that shit.
	Like the background shit.
	8-bit.
	Yeah.
	Factories.
	I'm not a fan.
	I mean, we have very high standards here.
	That was a good band, but when we're playing the Tijuana Panthers and Amel and the Sniffers and Sleaford Mods and Diane Word, I mean, you got pretty big shoes to fill.
	Hey.
	You're cool.
	Yeah, that's fine.
	Whatever.
	Dude, have you seen this movie on Netflix Sex Tuplets?
	Nah.
	It is Nickelodeon IQ levels garbage.
	Okay, can't wait.
	Okay, remember in Tropic Thunder where Jack Black, and this movie was written by hilarious funny man Justin Thoreau.
	Justin Thoreau, I think, was taking a stab at Eddie Murphy, who plays every character.
	So he had the Jack Black character play a bunch, every single person in the movie in Tropic Thunder.
	That's how the Jack Black character made his name, right?
	So that joke from Tropic Thunder is now reality in Sex Tuplets, where, what's is it, Damon Wayans?
	That's Marlon Wayans.
	Marlon Wayans?
	Damon's bald.
	Yeah, I've seen this.
	He finds out that he was an adopted sex tuplet, and he tracks down his other five siblings, and he plays them all.
	Dude, it is written by a six-year-old.
	I bet my eight-year-old son would go, this is gay and boring.
	Play it.
	Play it.
	Gay and boring.
	I'm excited.
	I've seen this movie.
	I think we should watch it for the show, actually.
	Maddie, you and I should watch it and we'll make that an episode.
	Oh, yeah.
	Definitely.
	You're going to have to pay him for that.
	I don't use this.
	I know we're getting to a weird endeavor.
	We're going to have to start paying Maddie.
	It's like, I'll hang out, but watching the shittiest movie in the world, I might need a little scratch.
	Definitely have to use the drop.
	You hurt me today.
	You hurt my eyes.
	You are becoming a fix in this company, literally.
	Now, everything's about to be a little bit more.
	Music, dude.
	Another baby's breath.
	Linda, that's why I'm not sure.
	She's from Saturday Night Live, too.
	No, not Sherry O'Tonnie.
	It's like pretending to do the dancer teams.
	Yeah, the Spartans.
	So the segment I saw tonight, his Mac pimp brother shows up and totally subjugates her and fucks her.
	But she thinks it's him.
	And it goes great.
	Well, pull up the trailer, Ryan.
	The trailer was playing before.
	Let's see.
	That's a fat one.
	That's my favorite one.
	Always funny.
	Let's see.
	There's a fat brother in there?
	Yeah, of course.
	They gotta have the fat brother.
	And a dumb slut.
	I like how they're all ghetto trash, too.
	Don't be throwing shade at my brother.
	See, I don't know him, but I love him.
	Don't you ever mess with my family.
	My whole life, I always wondered what my birth family was like.
	Remove the curse or shit for brains.
	My mama had six babies at the same time with six tuplets.
	Maybe one of them changed their name to Idris Elba.
	You know, we do have strikingly similar bone structures.
	What?
	Is he Idris Elba a hunk?
	This is awkward.
	Ryan, why is the text in the way?
	That's this is the way they show trailers.
	I'm not fighting.
	Hey, man, you make it.
	The buck is beautiful.
	Boy, if you don't put some damn clothes on, look around.
	So, so you're a stripper?
	What the hell?
	A stripper and exotic dance are different.
	See this?
	Here, here, here.
	Shit, ship, ship.
	Please don't do that.
	Wow.
	Oh, boy.
	Imagine laughing at that.
	Keep money, huh?
	You got Republican money, huh?
	Hey, hey, hey.
	You know I'm a Bernie bro.
	You shop at whole foods.
	I am free.
	I was about to El Chaco this bitch.
	Oh, my God.
	Housewife, the Atlanta is this.
	Thank you, brother.
	Baby Pete is in the hospital.
	He's spitting her dreads out of his mouth.
	Not every day that they long lost.
	Keep going.
	Appears out of thin air.
	Donate a kidney.
	You said what?
	Why do you gotta take my kidney?
	Why don't you take one of his?
	Don't look at me because I sniffed way too much laptop cleaner and I popped a molly yesterday.
	I was a molly.
	I was just gone aimeth and Andy.
	Just got fucked up.
	Like the cake and cake could have made this.
	Wait.
	I always wanted to do that.
	These past few days have been the greatest of my life.
	Dude, they're not going to show the white one.
	I've done things I've always seen.
	They just showed a little glimpse of it.
	Can we just.
	I know where it is.
	Can we click resume?
	The Wayne's family is the highest paid family in the history of Hollywood, by the way.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	There's like four of them, right?
	Marlon, Damon, Sean, Sean.
	Yeah.
	Who were the ones that did the white girls?
	That was I was telling my daughter today, I go, there's a scene in White Chicks where he goes to the woman's bathroom and starts shitting.
	And he's having man shits.
	And then he starts farting.
	And the women that are in the women's bathroom putting on their lipstick are like, what the fuck?
	That's so gross.
	I go, guess how many farts there are?
	And she goes, I don't know.
	She's not really into me these days.
	And I go, 15.
	And then I'm sitting next to her on the couch and I go, 15 farts.
	Who shits like that?
	Now, if I was seven, yeah, who shits like that?
	But if I was seven, I'd go, this is fucking hilarious.
	Yeah.
	Funniest show I've ever seen.
	Four jokes.
	Is that, you call that the white guy?
	Dude, this is the guy who's like the white of them.
	Just watch him.
	No, he's the Samuel Jackson.
	He's a ginger.
	That made my nipples dance.
	Thought I was a goner.
	Thank you, kind sir, for saving my life.
	I'm forever indebted to you.
	Enough of the buffoonery!
	You know, despite the obvious, we look exactly alike.
	You and I?
	Hardly.
	Us?
	Negative.
	You two, however, it's uncanny.
	Wow, this actor is really showing his range, isn't he?
	He can play anyone.
	I'm the black sheep of the family.
	He's supposed to be a white guy.
	Laugh!
	And he's the evil guy, by the way.
	If you couldn't tell.
	He's a smart guy.
	And smart people are the enemy of that movie because it's clearly for fucking absolute retards.
	Wow.
	Stunning.
	That's terrible.
	Dear Gavin and Ryan and Maddie.
	Okay.
	Shout out.
	After watching a video you showed a while back, I looked into more drywall videos and found a competition that takes place every year called the Drywall Olympics.
	I'm not sure how big this event is, but it takes place on the East Coast every year.
	The event starts at two minutes.
	If you're Scotch-Irish and you don't have a Mexican drywall guy who comes by and regularly fixes the holes in your walls, you're not Scotch-Irish.
	If you're not punching your fingers, your bastard fingers, for letting you down.
	Oh, yeah.
	Have you ever tried to fix a large drywall hole?
	Yeah.
	It looks like your wall became a pair of pajamas for six inches.
	I've replaced doors, drywall.
	It's the one thing.
	I'm pretty terrible at everything, but replacing drywall holes is, that's a fucking art.
	To make it look like there's nothing there, yeah.
	It's amazing.
	Yeah, it is, it's a talent.
	All right, let's see.
	Turn it up.
	Top down.
	Clean, nice, clean, cuts around the boxes and the buckets.
	I would fucking love to go to this.
	And my wife would rather suck my dad's dick.
	Imagine you brought your wife to this.
	I guess where this probably came from is years ago, if people weren't union carpenters or drywall guys, they weren't in union, they'd get paid by the board.
	By the board?
	By the board.
	So they want to throw up as many boards a day as they can because that means they made more money.
	Yep, getting paid by the board.
	That would be so fun to go to.
	Oh, of course, we've got to get a broad in there.
	We know how good women are at Drywall.
	Yeah.
	Look at this.
	That column is fake, by the way.
	Ryan, use your 3D cam.
	So when I built this studio, I said, I want the sensor.tv thing, the sit-down area, to be perfectly symmetrical.
	There's a column on the left-hand side.
	I want a column on the right-hand side.
	So I brought in my Mexicans, and look at the job they did.
	So you see that?
	I'll get over it.
	You want to turn on your lav?
	No, you can just recite what I'm saying.
	You can just recite what I'm saying.
	So this is real.
	This was there.
	And this is totally fake.
	And this is totally fake.
	Look at this seamless top over there.
	It's perfect.
	It's perfect.
	It's incredible.
	It's incredible.
	That's pure dick.
	Brilliant, son.
	You know how many fucking years that would take me to do?
	I would have to rip it down 100 times.
	One time I was a kid and my dad's mom died.
	He was in a bad mood and he was fighting with my mom.
	And my bedroom was next to theirs, which I don't recommend because Scots don't have a problem with fucking and knowing that people know they're fucking.
	They're like shameless Africans in many ways.
	So my dad would fuck my mother and the headboard would just be going bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, against my wall.
	I was remembering today, we went on a road trip from Montreal to Vancouver, across Canada, in a tiny Little stupid egg trailer that was from the 50s, and my parents fucked each other while I was in it.
	I was 14 at the time, my brother was a baby, and I'm there in the little bed thing, just going getting jostled as my dad tears my mom a new ass.
	That's bad.
	So anyway, this wasn't the headboard.
	It was his foot.
	His foot came into my bedroom.
	I saw a foot.
	And so being a cheap ass and Canada having no Mexicans, he fixed it himself.
	And I'll never forget the way the wall was normal and then it had this sort of chubby like cellulite and then went back to normal again.
	Even though one side was painted, the other had wallpaper on it.
	They both had that curse.
	All right.
	Coming up to the last one.
	Official White Boy Summer Playlist.
	This is interesting.
	A playlist by official America First.
	So Nick Fuentes and the boys have put together a playlist.
	I'm assuming it's them, right?
	I got the app.
	You don't own it.
	I do.
	I do have the app.
	We should.
	I have to open up.
	Malibu, Miley Cyrus, Ricky, Denzel Curry, Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes.
	They got the Arctic Monkeys.
	The boys are back in town, Thin Lizzie.
	You know what I think this is?
	I think this is my little protege, Nick Fuentes, trying to be Gavi and realizing that our music segment of the show is a popular segment.
	And he wants to do it too.
	But he clearly hasn't accrued enough life experience to make a good mix because there's cringe in there like Sum41, like Gwen Stefani, like Kid Rock, like Corey Hart.
	What's Some 41 song?
	Blink 182.
	Yeah.
	Blink 182?
	That's White Boy Summer.
	I think he's too young to be making mixes.
	Kanye West, Power.
	Okay.
	That's an album.
	Nice mix, Nike.
	Curiosity of the musical variety.
	I obviously am same with your worldview and stuff, but what really sets your show apart from, say, Alex Jones or AIU is the music editorializing.
	Oh, that's what I was just talking about.
	I'm from the West, but live in the South and would never live anywhere else in the U.S., especially now.
	But one of my favorite bands is the Walkmen, who have storied New York City history.
	Have you ever delved into their discography?
	Are you a fan?
	I'm familiar with the Walkmen.
	They're a New York band.
	I find them kind of corny indie rock beta whales.
	But yeah, pull them up.
	It's a good song by them.
	The rat?
	What gives you the rat?
	What gives you the rat?
	The human rats.
	I'm just fighting for human rats.
	This is a new one.
	Got a video.
	Why?
	If they were playing at a party, I'd have to wear a disguise.
	House party.
	Let's jump to the middle.
	Gay and boring.
	Your taste sucks, sir.
	Have a nice chance.
	Let's start taking some calls.
	Yeah.
	Wow, there's some garbage mail we received since we started the show that I just will not waste your time with.
	You want to click that mic on there, guys?
	Just got to hold the button down until it turns.
	Oh.
	By the way, people have been asking about the book of the day.
	I'm completely gutting my library and rebuilding it from scratch, so my books are all in boxes.
	We will be bringing back the book of the day.
	But I'm stunned at the price of bookshelves.
	I showed the guy the main wall I want.
	I go top to bottom.
	This is your guy, by the way, who broke your knee.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And I go, I have so many books that I don't care about the shelves.
	Just make sure there's variety.
	But if they're too tall, too short, I got little books, big books, whatever.
	Just make sure there's different heights.
	And he goes, okay, so that wall right there, just give me like eight grand and we'll be good.
	And I said, what?
	Come again?
	$8,000?
	American dollars or rupees?
	And he's like, I can make you adjustable shelves so they're different.
	I go, I don't need that.
	And he goes, well, if you pay cash and it's not painted, I could go down to six.
	And then I looked to some other people and they were like, yeah, that's pretty good, six.
	Unpainted.
	What?
	Damn, dog.
	Now, I could get it from IKEA for like one.
	I don't know if an adult should have IKEA bookshelves in his house, but fuck.
	And that's just like a third of my books.
	If I do the basement too, it's going to be...
	Yeah.
	When you get $20,000 for fucking bookshelves?
	Custom cabinetry, stuff like that is big money.
	I was talking to PJ at the bar, and he's like, well, I got a guy who's fucking $300 a day, but that would take him a few weeks.
	What?
	Yeah.
	$1,500 a week, a few weeks.
	You know, it's $45,000, $5,000.
	The fuck?
	It's just some shelves.
	Well, here's the letter.
	I hate Maddie.
	Maddie sucks.
	Get him out of this show.
	He's the worst guy ever.
	Thank you.
	Okay, I paraphrase a little bit.
	That's weird.
	I don't see that here at all.
	It actually says, Maddie is the man.
	By the way, Gavin, Maddie is the man.
	I can like him.
	I, like him, can definitely tell he's got Scottish blood.
	He's got that look about him.
	Not like Ryan.
	He needs to man up and look more Scottish.
	By the way, when I read that, I am correcting so much fucking grammar.
	It's unbelievable.
	Straight from Glasgow.
	It's Glaswegian.
	Let's hit a little intro.
	Yeah, I love this song.
	Thank you, Reader.
	You are on the air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	That's our best interstitial.
	Yeah.
	I see the falling down reference.
	Yeah.
	With the MAC 10 shooting up the phone booth.
	Yeah.
	You know the guy who wrote that movie was very disappointed in the audience for liking the protagonist.
	He was supposed to be a bad guy.
	And he was an American hero.
	Did you also know that that guy I'm talking about was a regular on Portlandia where he played an old bald pervert?
	No.
	And he was the writer of Falling Down.
	I did know.
	Yes, that's a fact.
	We got a dude on the line right now.
	Okay, hello, sir.
	Hello, hello.
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Gentlemen and Ryan.
	Dude, the Grateful Dead suck so much shit.
	Thank you.
	I work with a ton of guys.
	What?
	Thank you.
	I work with a bunch of guys that are like all former deadheads and stuff.
	And let me tell you what, dude.
	Zero personality.
	They're like just fucking organisms that exist at work.
	And one thing I have noticed with all deadheads is they always wear fucking flip-flops everywhere.
	Even in jeans.
	That's all.
	Thank you for calling, sir.
	We really appreciate it.
	What's the Grateful Deads like?
	What's their top number one satisfaction?
	Sugar on the Mountain or some shit with the voice?
	What's the song we're supposed to like?
	Friend of the Devil.
	A Touch of Gray.
	I'm looking them up here like any residents.
	These are the only ones that were commercially like, did they have a hit ever?
	Fire on the Mountain, I think that's one of them, right?
	Fire on the Mountain?
	Okay.
	Scarlet Begonias, 10.
	Bertha.
	Let's just scoot to the first one.
	Yeah.
	Let's hear their very best, most popular, accessible songs.
	Casey Jones.
	Casey Jones.
	Okay.
	Hit me with Casey Jones, please.
	That's fine.
	Oh, this one.
	Cocaine.
	Casey Jones, you better watch his feet.
	I just hear a bunch of wasted dudes noodling on guitars.
	My wife loves this song, and I don't understand.
	Is she trying to be cool?
	I don't know, but a woman.
	They're retarded.
	She likes a lot of Grateful Dead songs.
	There's nothing I like here.
	But I don't get it.
	Like, I don't know what to hang my hat on.
	They were just a jam band.
	That was it.
	All they ever worked on.
	But a jam band is great if you're in the band jamming at the time.
	The rest of us aren't interested in seeing you fucking play basketball.
	It's like watching guys at high school pickup game play basketball.
	Oh, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
	What music did you ever pretend to like to be cool?
	Did you ever do that?
	Because Steely Dan was mine.
	I was like, I think I'm smart if I pretend I like Steely Dan.
	Some bands I made myself like that I didn't like at first.
	And then you actually wound up liking.
	Like GBH.
	I liked their logo and the band, so I just listened to it 9,000 times until I got it.
	You forced yourself to like it.
	I brainwashed myself into liking GBH.
	They're from Bristol.
	Now I love them.
	So wow, that worked.
	It worked.
	Holy shit.
	That's rare.
	But there was some, like, towards the end of my punk days, the bands were getting super intense, like crusty punk, napalm death, and stuff.
	And I remember, like, playing napalm death and going, come on, buddy, you can do it.
	Let's like it up.
	Right.
	And I was just like, no.
	Can't do it.
	This is a fucking cacophony.
	I'm out.
	Yeah.
	Go to Tower.
	Napalm Death was really the end of punk for me.
	This wouldn't sound so bad.
	This probably isn't their most.
	This is probably late Napalm Death.
	But I like gay punk, like Bow Wow, Wow and the Sex Bistles and stuff.
	I liked musical punk.
	Melodic.
	Yeah.
	Oh, look, people are sending us letters as we do the show.
	About Grateful Dead?
	Yeah.
	Top song.
	Also, this will piss off Deadheads.
	And it's called Touch of Gray.
	Yeah.
	That was like their big one viable commercial hit.
	Oh, so Deadheads probably hate this because it's their sellout jam.
	I just want to hear them be musical.
	Like, I get that bands noodle away on their live shows, but you got to show me.
	It's like an artist.
	You got to show me you can draw hands.
	And then you can go do abstract art.
	Yeah.
	Here's the whole dead thing.
	I'm grateful Jerry Garcia is dead.
	It's all skeletons.
	Dude, I thought they were like metal.
	Like before, when I was a little kid and you're Grateful Dead, you're like, oh, that shit's serious.
	And then later on.
	Oh, I know this song.
	Okay, this is like an accessible hit song, right?
	I hate you all, you have no taste.
	Grateful that's perfect for driving, fire pit music, or doing other stuff while you're hanging out.
	Okay, so it sucks.
	So are whale calls and bird calls and white noise and podcasts.
	That's not music.
	Anyway, let's get to callers.
	Wait, I got this letter.
	How do I go about courting?
	He spelt courting C-O-R-D-I-N-G.
	I guess you wrap them up in a cord.
	How do I go about courting a girl I used to date in high school, and I'm not sure if she hates my guts or not?
	Learn how to spell first.
	Don't text her.
	Yeah.
	Do voice to text.
	I'm not very good at the...
	I haven't been courting girls for a long time.
	So let's assume he's 21.
	How do you flirt with a girl who's 21?
	Just got to be yourself.
	You've got to have a bag of Coke, really.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	Are young kids in the Coke these days?
	I don't know.
	It was an old range in the late 80s and 90s when I was young.
	I was saying the other day, one thing if you're picking up girls as a young man is don't start out in the friend zone.
	Right.
	Like start out horny.
	That's the kiss of death.
	And be like, you're so fucking hot, I can't believe it.
	So now it's established, I'm a horny man.
	I like fucking, and I want to fuck you.
	I don't want to be your friends.
	I want to fuck you.
	Yeah.
	You have to lay that, you have to make that intention known immediately.
	Now, you can also be the fun guy.
	So like, you're so fucking hot, I can't believe it.
	Holy shit.
	That outfit, like, who dresses you up?
	Professional?
	And then also, like, hey, we're all going to steamers down the street.
	There's some guy there going to be sword swallowing and lighting his eyes on fire.
	Yeah.
	You should come.
	It's going to be funny.
	Now I want to fuck you.
	And I'm a fun guy that wants to take you to a fun thing.
	So if you don't want to fuck me, well, we can still have some fun.
	Yeah.
	But to just be like, hi, I'm a friend.
	That's not going to work.
	They could smell the deceit.
	Because then, as we were talking about on one of the bank shows, you have that thing, say, God forbid, you get her back to your house, and you're sitting on the couch, and you have to have that.
	You have to lean in for the kiss.
	Wait, if you lean into your right, Maddie, and then Gavin leans into his left.
	And then I just pop in.
	And I've had girls who have gone like this, who have gone like...
	Not because they didn't want to make out, but just because this whole scene was so fucking lame.
	Yeah.
	It's sex.
	It's not a big deal.
	Why are you gay?
	Why are you gay?
	Sex is like not a big deal.
	Sometimes you just got to grab my pussy.
	So we got calls next.
	Let's see.
	Griffin is on the line.
	Griffin, talk to us.
	Be sexy.
	Wait, we have a question for Maddie coming in.
	Oh, let's do this guy first.
	How you doing, buddy?
	Not too bad.
	How are you, Gavin?
	We're pretty good, man.
	Good to hear from you.
	What do you got to say?
	Oh, fuck.
	I got a weird voice.
	My bad.
	I'm from Prince George, Canada.
	I'm wondering...
	My dad owns a logging company that I work for.
	Oh, dude, do you watch that show on Netflix?
	Do you watch that Netflix show?
	Which one?
	What's it called?
	Big Timber or something like that?
	Timber Kings?
	What is it called now?
	Big Timber.
	No, I don't.
	I don't watch it.
	Dude, it's really fucking good.
	And it's in Victoria Island.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, I went to school there.
	It's fucking amazing.
	Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
	So I'm wondering, I'm 21, dropped out of school.
	I went to school for arts and fucking hated it.
	Do you think it's worth going to business school?
	No.
	Just do business.
	Not at all.
	Not at all.
	Not one iota.
	When I started Vice, a normal business plan that you would submit to the bank, and even back then in the early 90s, the bank's not giving you a penny unless you're doing the simplest thing on earth, like making nuts and bolts.
	A normal business plan was five to ten years.
	Then we got into the late 90s, dot-com boom happened, and they weren't interested in more than a two-year business plan.
	Now, with Bitcoin appearing and disappearing, I don't think a year business plan is in anyone's best interest.
	So no one's an expert.
	These people don't know business.
	They don't know what they're doing.
	I think 10 out of 12 businesses fail.
	So if you're an entrepreneur, you'll start them, they'll suck, they'll die, and one will stick.
	And that's what was so great about Censor.tv.
	We were in a studio where the rent was $1,100 a month in a shithole basement, basically a furnace room.
	And we did that for two years, and we went, okay, we're profitable.
	Now we can build a studio.
	And then we built the studio.
	So do a bunch of businesses that fail and suck.
	Try not to get down after they suck.
	You're sort of like a young man getting pussy, like you're going to get rejected a lot.
	And then one will stick.
	And it'll be the one that's closest to your heart because you'll be the most passionate about it.
	Well, he said he works for his father's business.
	Yeah, what's your father's business?
	A logging business.
	So why not either pursue that or an offshoot of that?
	He wants me to go to business school.
	That's my big fucking problem is he doesn't have any respect for somebody who hasn't gone to school.
	He's Really old school.
	Yeah, that's fucking wrong.
	That's another world.
	That was the case.
	Thank you.
	Education is dead.
	It used to be.
	Dude, how do I explain that to somebody?
	Okay, my dad's born the same year as you.
	You show him, what a fucking old bastard.
	1970.
	You show him Dan Klaus's comic art school.
	Back in the 50s, if you went to art school, you would be able to draw a Harlequin romance cover perfectly.
	It would be the couple in love making out with like flames in the background, and it would look like a photograph.
	That's art school.
	Art school today is a tampon in a teacup.
	You call it Typhoon and you get an A-plus.
	Yeah.
	Now that's art school.
	This is true of all other schools, though.
	I mean, just have them look at some of the curriculums.
	There's history.
	Even when I was in school in the early 90s, there was the philosophy of rock, philosophy of love was a class.
	There's a class called How to Be Gay that wasn't at my school, but you can look it up.
	It's a shit show fucking lie.
	Your dad's wrong.
	I know where he's coming from.
	He's thinking of the 50s and 60s.
	But no, post-1995, education is a fucking farce.
	Did he go to business school?
	Did you hear that?
	Yeah, no, he went to school for sustainable resources and maybe business.
	I can't remember specifically, but it was all around logging.
	We logged in in Northern BC for like 200 years, my family.
	So maybe, okay, maybe I'm talking at a turn here.
	Maybe there are some industrial trade agricultural schools in your area that are totally focused on lumber and logging and shit that I don't know about.
	But as far as the rest of the world, education is a joke.
	Well, yeah, no, like we've, we've kind of cycled into now logging's dead.
	We've killed it.
	It's fucked.
	So, no, we're more construction anyways.
	I just, I don't know.
	It's fucked, man.
	So annoying.
	But thanks a lot.
	All right.
	Thanks, buddy.
	I love Maddie.
	Thank you.
	You guys were sick.
	Appreciate it.
	What's so great about Maddie?
	I don't understand people with the whole like, I love Maddie thing.
	I think there's a little jelly.
	There's a new flavor in town.
	It seems redundant to say at the end of a call.
	You had a question for Maddie, didn't you?
	Yeah, it's a stupid question.
	Who even cares?
	We got to hear more about Maddie.
	We're doing the mailbag.
	Why are we focusing on Maddie questions?
	Well, you did bring it up.
	You said we got a question for Maddie.
	I know.
	It just seems dumb to mention.
	Let's focus on other shit.
	Maddie, Maddie, Maddie.
	Okay, this is from John.
	Maddie, what's your funniest or most positive memory while being incarcerated?
	Funniest?
	Or posit?
	Funny or positive?
	Yeah, those sound like two very different things.
	Yeah, funny.
	I mean, funny shit happened all the time.
	Wow.
	Well, there was the baby monster incident.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That's funny to the rest of us, but not to you.
	How I got that monkey here.
	Why don't you tell that story?
	Well, somebody had stolen what they call a short eye book, which is, you know, like a Playboy or a penthouse or hustler.
	You know, they call them short eye books because you only look at them for a short period of time.
	I thought short eye meant pedophile.
	No, short eye is, you know, a fuck book.
	You want to go in your cell and relieve some tension.
	So it's a short eye.
	So someone actually came in and stole my book, one of the books that I had.
	Now, you know, I was well-liked enough where I would leave my cell door open and I wouldn't have to worry about sneak these or anything like that.
	And what's in your cell that you value?
	I mean, you got your commissary and stuff like that.
	Ramen noodles?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I was in a county jail at the time, and, you know, you had these bins like a tub with a lid on it.
	You put all your stuff in there, your commissary, your hygiene products, your inmate clothing.
	And then, you know, you'd have stuff like I used to keep my books and magazines.
	Like, you used to have a little metal table and a metal chair.
	Like, there were just two pieces of metal that came flat out of the wall.
	Like, one was your seat and one was your desk.
	So I would, like, put my magazines on either on the seat or on top of the desk or just under the floor underneath it.
	But one day someone decided that they wanted a book.
	And what was this book?
	It was actually, I think it was a penthouse.
	I'm going to buy you this for your next birthday.
	Do you remember the edition?
	It was crazy because there was one photo shoot in it where a girl had a fucking, either it was a Coke bottle or a Pepsi bottle, stuck up her ass reversed.
	And it was a black and white photo shoot.
	It was insane.
	I'm googling it right now.
	Oh, yeah.
	So, anyway, somebody.
	Not easy to Google.
	And then.
	So that must be when Penthouse was coming to the end.
	Yes, it was.
	And they had to launch up.
	Because I remember there'd be like pissing in Penthouse.
	If I were pissing on you, that was in like 2001, maybe?
	It was around there.
	I believe it was 2001 because I remember I had to surrender on September 17th, and it was just after 9-11.
	That incident.
	Okay, so you got a black and white penthouse.
	It was a penthouse.
	I believe it.
	It was a bottle up some chick's ass.
	And didn't you say these, because they're grandfathered in.
	You can't have new porn.
	You can have old porn.
	In federal prison, yeah, there's no porn.
	If you have it, it's grand, like, you know, they're not going to take it on shakedowns or anything like that.
	But no new magazines can come in that have nudity.
	So these things are like at the Louvre.
	Like they are laminated.
	They're involved.
	They're going to rent them out.
	People will rent them.
	And they have clear packing tape all over the pages because you don't get lamination machines in there.
	But all of them are taped over so they don't rip.
	Some of them are in three-ring binders because the magazine's been so torn up.
	Oh, it's hilarious.
	You're turning each page like this.
	So someone went into your cell and stole your book.
	Stole a book.
	So I came back and I asked all of my close friends who would be able to just go in my cell and take it if they wanted to use it.
	And if I wasn't available, say if it was in the yard or I was at work or wherever I was in the institution at the time, there's certain people that could go get it and be like, you know, oh, I got your book.
	And I wouldn't mind.
	Like, I would, you know, I was, like I said, I was a pretty well-liked person within the facilities I've been in through state prison, county jails, federal prison.
	I've never had really beefs with other inmates like about stupid shit.
	So, yeah, so I'm like, I ask all my close people who would go in there.
	So then I walk into the day room.
	And then this one particular block I was on.
	It was, you had F1 North, you had F1 South.
	And I was in F1 North at the time.
	So I go in, and then the day room's in between what you have the officer's bubble where the officer sits.
	And there's an officer at the beginning of the, like, it's just a long straight tier with just cells on each side this way.
	And so I go in and I close the day room door.
	And I literally go unplug the Spanish TV.
	I unplug the English TV.
	And I just start ripping into the room.
	But wait a minute.
	Didn't you also tuck your shirt in?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You tucked your shirt into your pants.
	You tucked your pants into your socks.
	You tied your shoes up tight.
	You tied everything.
	You lace up.
	You're ready to throw it out.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because if someone's like, yeah, I got your fucking book, what are you going to do?
	Well, then you got to handle your business.
	Win, lose, or draw.
	You know, you got to step up for yourself.
	Because now, you're basically telling me that I don't give a fuck who you think you are, what you are.
	I'm robbing you and you ain't doing a fucking thing about it.
	That's a death sentence.
	You have to be able to be prepared to go to distance or else you're just going to be a punk.
	So you ripped out and unplugged every TV in the common room and then screamed, who's got my fucking book?
	I'm going to kick the shit out of you.
	Yes.
	I said, whoever has it, I said, let me explain something to you.
	I says, I don't care who has it.
	I says, if you return it, just put it back to my cell and I'll drop it at that.
	I go, but if I catch somebody with that book, I don't give a fuck who gave it to you.
	I'm going to whoop your ass because you're in possession of it.
	And then I said, then you can go back and kick whoever's ass who gave it to you.
	Now, keep in mind, folks at home, that he's screaming this at the top of his lungs.
	He's red as a tomato.
	All this shit is tucked in.
	I'm ready to go.
	He looks like a paratrooper.
	So my buddy Joey.
	Tucked in.
	We used to call him Joey Viggs.
	He worked on what they call the outside crew.
	He got to leave the actual jail for days and go do work, like road work or whatever.
	I never could get those clearances.
	So he comes back and he hears about the store and he starts pissing his pants.
	So it's a weekend and we used to play Pinuckle to entertain, like on the weekends, we play cards just to kill time.
	So we're playing a game of Pinuckle and he makes a crazy bid and I slare around.
	I'm like, what the f- and he goes, Z, there you go again.
	He goes, look at my little fucking baby monster over here.
	So now when anything would go, when he would come back from doing the outside detail, he would always say, anybody see my little baby monster running around?
	Anybody see my little baby monster?
	You have a tattoo that you're now baby monster.
	I have it on my red sheet.
	You're known as baby monster.
	Even if you, like, I could bring it in one day and show you, like, my, my, my rap sheet and everything.
	And all my aliases, they have monster, baby monster.
	That reminds me, by the way, Max and John still getting mail from all over the world.
	They really appreciate it.
	Mail means a lot, right?
	Let me tell you something.
	I can remember, you know, when I was in federal prison and I was in the club, and like every charter in the world would send you Christmas cards.
	And there were times when I was getting literally like 50, 60 pieces of mail a day.
	And people would get mad and be like, yo, man, let me get some of that mail.
	They would not get mad, but, you know, everything, Odell, Odell, Odell, Odell.
	Like, then he's, you know, it's not in any typical order.
	It just comes in a bag.
	He dumps it out.
	No, it says you're not forgotten.
	It means a lot.
	It means a lot.
	Can you pull up their...
	There's nothing like, it's like Christmas every day when someone gets a piece of mail.
	Can you pull up their addresses, Ryan?
	Now, Mercedes, I understand, if you're not willing to commit to her innocence, I have, and I'll wait.
	I'm 97% sure she's innocent, but I get it if you're reserved.
	But with Max and John, they're clearly innocent.
	They fought Antifa after Antifa picked a fight with him.
	One thing, John and Max are very different guys.
	John is a family man.
	What he's doing now is he's making comics for his kids that tell these stories that are kind of red-pilled stories, but they're sort of graphic novels.
	John's all about his kids and his family, and he's the guy who recently said, you know, one thing that's good about all this is that I've been through hell.
	So now with my family, you know, if there's cancer or a kid gets arrested or there's some, you know, we go bankrupt, we get sued, whatever, we've already been through the worst we can go through.
	So it's all gravy from here.
	And I know my wife will stick by me.
	So John's a family man.
	He's very patriotic.
	He's into the founding fathers.
	These are his interests.
	Economics are big with him.
	He's a welder.
	He cares about the fundamentals of this country.
	He cares about his family.
	Max is very different, although he has the same values.
	Max is consumed with bodybuilding.
	He's like fucking chugging peanut butter, trying to get protein into his system.
	He doesn't want to talk about prison.
	I don't think I've had much of a political discussion with him at all in the almost two years he's been there so far.
	He's just focused on bodybuilding, basically.
	We can get protein powders in his packages every month.
	He can get protein powders?
	I'm pretty sure.
	I think we've had some trouble with that.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	I remember years ago, I think in the state, in New York State, you used to be able to get like creatine and protein powders, but it may have changed.
	I think they've been refusing him protein powders.
	Okay.
	Because the diet is all shitty and carbon.
	Oh, it's horrible.
	To make you fat and not muscular, they don't want strong men in there.
	You can get 30 pounds of food a month in New York State.
	30 pounds, yeah.
	You can get like 30 pounds.
	Of any kind.
	You can get hermically sealed chickens and hermetically sealed pickles.
	Hermetically sealed chickens he could get.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Oh, that sounds amazing.
	It's already cooked and it's hermetically sealed.
	Also, when you go on Amazon, you can buy them anything on Amazon and they can get it.
	Yeah.
	I'll fucking pay you back if you buy them shit.
	The money's irrelevant.
	I used to get beef jerkies and pickles sent to me all the time.
	Really?
	Let's try to send Max beef jerky.
	He needs protein.
	He's getting fucking ripped.
	The guy you see in that picture is a tiny child compared to who he is today.
	Sam in octopus, anything in like aluminum foil packets.
	The cans, you can send cans, but it kind of takes up weight in the package.
	Oh, I see.
	So you get like the tuna in the envelopes, so they're not as heavy as the cans.
	Even if you send Max or John a fucking paragraph on a, and make sure your return address is on the actual letter.
	Even if you send them that, it takes nothing out of your day.
	It costs you a dollar, and you've changed their lives.
	You've reminded them that they exist, that they're not forgotten, that they got fucked over.
	It means the world to them.
	I used to have friends literally right who didn't, they're not much writers.
	They're like, hey, bro, just letting you know I'm thinking about you today.
	That's great.
	Yeah.
	I've had like that written on a bar napkin.
	Yeah.
	All right, next call.
	We got Mark.
	Mark, you're on the line.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hey, yeah, I got a question.
	Out of one, two, and three, pick one.
	I'm a big fan of two.
	Big fan of two.
	Okay, cool, great.
	So you were talking about drywall hangers earlier, and you talk a lot about construction workers and stuff like that.
	But I just wanted to give a shout out to the mechanics and stuff like that, because, you know, as far as flat rate work goes, it's along the same lines like he was talking earlier about like getting paid by the wall.
	We get paid by the job.
	And a lot of people don't understand that, especially customers.
	But I mean, for example, you know, we'll charge 10 hours for a transmission job.
	Now I've been working on Nissan's for like 10 years or so.
	I can bang out a transmission in Ultima in like four hours.
	But that's the time that it's taken me to learn how to do that.
	You know what I mean?
	The price doesn't change, but that's where we get involved in that aspect.
	But, you know, that's where you get the hustle to get better at the trade.
	And that's what I think a lot of people lose nowadays when they get involved in a trade like this where they don't have the hustle to try and get better.
	That's the beauty of the design, where it says a transmission is a four-hour job.
	A young guy goes, that sucks because it's going to take me eight hours.
	And an experienced guy goes, that's awesome.
	I can do it in no time.
	In mechanic vernacular.
	Well, I'm saying it pays 10 hours.
	So like your average Joe on book time pays 10 hours.
	I've gotten good enough over the past 10 years.
	I can do them in four hours for that vehicle.
	But, you know, that's where some customers will be like, well, that's ridiculous.
	It pays four hours.
	My car's done the next day.
	It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	No, you're paying for the total labor.
	That's book time.
	That's what it takes traditionally.
	And we get in arguments all the time with customers where it's like, well, I can do brakes in my driveway.
	It's going to take me like, yeah, I have no big deal.
	I do them in my house.
	Okay.
	Have fun.
	Enjoy it.
	Do it.
	I'll knock it out in 30 minutes.
	But if you want to do them in your driveway for all day in a case of beer, enjoy it.
	But at the same time, the kids nowadays, they don't have the drive to try and get better.
	We have a lack of people that want to work and do better and try and learn the trade.
	All the young guys that I get now, I throw them a job and I'm like, you know, you might eat shit the first time, but the goal is eat shit as much as you can when you're younger and it's only going to make you better because that's what I did.
	And I mean, I'm booming now.
	It's great.
	I mean, I eat shit forever and now I mean I rock and roll.
	Well, can I give you a tip?
	If you are fixing a transmission and you're taking out the cranks, the secret is to keep them as lubed as possible.
	So as you change each crank, dip it in oil before you put it back and recalibrate the refribrator.
	I'm taking the transmission out.
	We got big problems.
	I fucked up big time.
	I pulled the crank out.
	All right, thanks for that.
	I didn't mean to say that, but I appreciate you.
	What were you going to say, Maddie?
	I was saying in the mechanic vernacular, when he says, oh, they're book hours.
	Each job has a certain amount of time allotted to it that the dealership's going to charge.
	Like you said, you know, book time or book hours is the job takes 10 hours.
	Even though he can knock it out in four.
	But then he's going to go on to another job, so he's getting paid per job.
	So if he knocks out that transmission job, it's almost like the free market in a little brochure.
	And it says, this job is 10 hours.
	If you're awesome, then you deserve more money.
	That means he can do more jobs in the day.
	It's not going to take him all day to do.
	I love to watch car shows, but I watch them as a chick, and I just go like, you're a fucking amazing dude.
	What is this?
	Especially graveyard cars.
	That dude is a fucking magician.
	And he knows everything there is to know about Mopars.
	He'll have sprinkles.
	He literally knows, he has the sprinkles.
	He literally knows everything there is to know about Mopars, and I'm not exaggerating.
	And I've noticed even on those shows, though, they always go, oh, a transmission?
	Yeah, don't even bother.
	Send it out to be fixed.
	It's not worth it.
	So if this guy's fixing transmissions, he's at the top of the game.
	Like he works for a Nissan dealership.
	Because of the car.
	He's so familiar with that particular transmission.
	Dude, Graveyard, that guy right there with the goatee, he's a fucking freak.
	He knows...
	I know it sounds exaggerating to say he knows everything about Mopars.
	He literally does.
	I'll suck a dick for everything he doesn't know about Mopars.
	But it better be a chick's dick.
	Exactly.
	Because I'm already regretting that.
	I'm already regretting the esoteric trivia that's got me fucking on my knees.
	Turn it up.
	Cornet, but I want it all red.
	Would that still be a factory car and not custom?
	Custom is something that's done after the manufacturer has completed.
	Oh, they always want to get the factory parts, right?
	And there's a gray area where they mimic the factory.
	So they don't have the right tube, whatever it is, pipe, whatever, fucking hose.
	So they'll get a fake one, but then they'll spray paint the same serial number on it to totally mimic the original hose.
	Repop.
	Reproduction.
	And I watched it with my youngest boy, and he likes it.
	So that's good news.
	The bad news is, by the pool the other day, he said, I know what you're capable of, and it terrifies me.
	So graveyard cars, capable of, terrifies me.
	We're not sure where he's going.
	But we hope it's not to the West Village.
	Or Hell's Kitchen, actually, these days.
	They actually make quite a few of those.
	But you don't know if this car is special ordered like that.
	He knows everything.
	Can you actually work?
	Who are you talking to?
	Well, I just see you kind of walking around over there.
	Would I consider Mark to be a motivator to people?
	No, not really.
	No.
	Doesn't seem to work on me.
	That's a very boring episode.
	The guy's very exciting.
	He's very charming.
	He's a great show host.
	I'm gay for him.
	He rules.
	All right.
	Well, that's everything that could be said has been said about that guy.
	That was the pilot.
	Never before seen pilot.
	Oh, you got to see.
	Like, he does whole Ricky Gervais parodies.
	Like, he's in his own now.
	But unfortunately, his daughter, he wants his daughter to take over the shop.
	He's getting old.
	He's probably like 65.
	And he wants his daughter to take over the shop.
	He has the sprinkles.
	No one else does.
	Dude, your daughter's not taking over the shop.
	It's not happening ever.
	Unless he's had someone under his wing.
	And she's under his wing.
	She's got the college try.
	She's trying.
	But it's like, and he's only Mopars.
	But like, if you were to stack the books of information that are in his head, they would fill the studio.
	And I'm not exaggerating.
	Like 40 full encyclopedias.
	And she's just going to pick that up.
	He's probably forgotten more than she'll ever know.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	We got Wit on the line.
	She's hot, too.
	Wit, you're on the line.
	What's up?
	Gab.
	You sound drunker on the phone than you do on the mic.
	Well, I am drunk.
	I got it.
	Number one, when are you moving to Nashville?
	And two, who's this fat guy on your show?
	That's Maddie Odell.
	That's me.
	My name is Russ.
	Oh.
	We've introduced him a couple of times.
	And I'm actually going to rent an RV, I think, and drive down there in a couple weeks and just see, like, you know what I keep hearing about Nashville and stuff is like, if you're from New York, you move down there, you have a cowboy hat on,
	your shirt says Trump.
	They find out you're from New York and they go, get the fuck out of here.
	We hate you.
	I don't know about that, man.
	I don't know about that.
	It depends on where you are, but hey, when you're down here, you should come to our boxing gym.
	What's it called?
	Music City Boxing.
	It's not our gym.
	It's the gym we go to.
	Music City Boxing.
	I know.
	I'd love to.
	I actually packed in the car my kids' boxing gloves and my boxing gloves because I thought when we're down there, it'll be fun to work out at various clubs.
	Music City?
	Well, come.
	Music City Boxing.
	They're the home gym of Caleb Plant.
	A what?
	Who's like a midweight champion?
	Caleb Plant, who's like a midweight champion guy.
	I don't know.
	We just started boxing like two weeks ago.
	Oh, okay.
	I'm looking it up now.
	Music City Boxing.
	Established 2013.
	Yeah.
	It looks great.
	Let's spar.
	Yeah, it's great.
	All right.
	Let's fight.
	Fuck it.
	Let's do it.
	Let's do it.
	My only requirement is you drink all night the night before.
	And I'll go to bed at 9 p.m.
	Yeah, let's do it.
	Come down.
	All right, man.
	Email.
	Ryan, we love you.
	Did you get married, Ryan?
	Yeah.
	I was in my wife earlier.
	The ceremony is tomorrow, but we have proposed.
	Really?
	Yeah, you know how it works.
	He did it the normal way.
	You get a girl pretty.
	You break up with a girl, you get back together, you get her pregnant, you give her a ring, you propose to her, then you get married.
	And I'm going to meet her eventually, too.
	And then we're going to bone probably like in a year or so.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah.
	Yo, kiss on your first question.
	I faded him.
	But that was very nice.
	Thank you, sir.
	Shit's quiet for him.
	His shit's increasingly quiet for him.
	It's literally quiet.
	Walker is on the line.
	Hey, Bellas.
	Yo.
	Hey, I wanted to talk about the movie Zola.
	Are you guys familiar?
	Could you be more specific?
	There's many movies in the world.
	Zola.
	Oh, Zola.
	Zola, the OLA, the new A24 movie.
	Wait, I was reading something about that.
	Didn't one of the guys become trans or something?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	One of the guys in it just came out as trans.
	Okay, I could see that.
	And he looks fucking absurd.
	I wonder if it's the white dude from the movie who's a complete head case.
	Could be him, but the reason I bring that up is I saw it in theaters, and there were two scenes that they snuck in there on the slide that felt kind of dubious that had absolutely nothing to do with the movie.
	So are you familiar with the story?
	No.
	Zola?
	No.
	Okay, so like, yeah, so this black chick meets a white chick, and the next day they go down to Florida to do some stripping, and it turns out that the white chick has the black pimp that's trying to pip out the white girl and the black girl.
	And it's, I mean, it came from a viral Twitter story.
	So if you got time, read the Twitter story.
	But I went and saw the movie because I read the Twitter story.
	But they stuck in two scenes.
	One of them, as they're driving down to Florida, they do like 20 seconds of an establishing shot showing a rebel flag waving in the air.
	So like if you're not familiar with the story, you're like, oh my God, this black girl's going down to the racist part of the country.
	You know, there must be some terrible white people down here.
	And then all the criminals are black people the entire time.
	So it's like, why did you guys sneak in the 15 seconds of a rebel flag?
	Yeah, and white trash people and black trash people, they don't fucking care about the rebel flag.
	It doesn't keep them up at night.
	That's a rich middle class obsession.
	It's not something that strippers.
	You don't see a lot of strippers crying themselves to sleep at night over a fucking rebel flag.
	Yeah, exactly.
	So they like sneak it in there.
	So you're going to clutch your pearls.
	Like, oh my God, there's racists down here.
	They're going to racistville USA.
	So that was one scene that they just snuck in there.
	And then the second one, so while the two girls are being driven around and pimped out, or attempted to be pimped out, they drive past the scene where these police have pulled some people over.
	I can't remember if I only saw the movie once.
	I don't know if you guys can pull the clips since it's relatively new, but there's like a police brutality scene where it's like, oh my gosh, we're here in Florida and there's some police brutality.
	Oh my gosh, it's an innocent guy while we're looking out of the window of a car that's a pimp and two prostitutes.
	It's like, oh my gosh, that guy didn't commit a crime.
	Let's go back to them.
	While we're rooting for the prostitutes.
	How dare they pull him over?
	What's he ever done wrong besides had sex slaves?
	Yeah, that's like that Jay-Z song, 99 Problems with a Bitch Ain't One, which is a direct ripoff of Iced T. It's an Iced T song that he just stole.
	But in it, he's like, yo, the fucking cops are pulling me over.
	And you're like, the song before, you were bragging about how you're the biggest crack dealer in the world.
	It sounds like the cops got the right guy.
	Yeah, it sounds like it was some pretty good foreshadowing for the cops.
	Yeah, good work.
	Or NWA, where they're like, motherfucker got a bed because I'm brown.
	And then they also go, I never should have been let out the penitentiary.
	Oh, okay, so we got the right guy.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And one more thing.
	Fuck jam bands.
	It's all glorified elevator music that fucking sucks.
	So fuck widespread panic, fuck fish, and fuck the grateful fucking dead.
	Fuck the grateful dead.
	We're grateful they're dead.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, the guy I'm looking up, talking about is called Tommy Dorfman, and he's transgender.
	She was a Juno star?
	No, she's awesome, though.
	Dude, I'm obsessed with her.
	Elliot Page, I think, is totally regretting cutting her tits off.
	And she's on that Oprah interview where she just cries her eyes out.
	Yeah, she was on the show the other day.
	She can't talk about anything else.
	We've been banking so many holiday shows, I can't remember what's real and what's not.
	But yeah, she destroyed herself.
	But this fucking, this is just a homo who likes wearing dresses, like them all.
	This is Daily Mail.
	Look up like 13 Reasons Why star Tommy Dorf.
	Yeah, there it is.
	Like, that's just a gay guy in a dress.
	He's wearing a dress.
	You're not coming out of shit.
	Just a cross-dresser.
	You're just a cross-dresser.
	You're just a sweet transvestite.
	Nike Hara.
	How am I supposed to not laugh at that?
	You got to see the Daily Mail, though.
	They have way more pictures of him.
	And you're just like, homos like to wear dresses and high-heeled shoes.
	We've seen it a million times.
	But is he still heterosexual?
	No.
	He's a raging fag.
	And I don't even have to look that up.
	I just know, I can just assume that.
	But like, this whole, like, homos have been wearing dresses since homos.
	So it's not like you go, oh, he's not a guy anymore.
	Look at him.
	I like how they get lazy, too.
	And just wear, like, sneakers.
	How about the outfit of his boyfriend there?
	A weird Velour fishing hat, your dad's fucking...
	Your dad cleaning out the garage t-shirt.
	And then velour pants with black clogs.
	And of course, they both need water at all times.
	They have to be heavily hydrated.
	What the fuck?
	That's...
	I mean, pretending that's a woman is ridiculous.
	Yeah, look, Zola.
	That's the same thing.
	Let me wear black stocks.
	So he must be in Zola.
	Or maybe he was there?
	Wait, go back.
	No, he was in Zola's star.
	He was in the movie.
	As what?
	A super hot chick?
	Maybe before.
	I gotta look that up now.
	Tommy Dorf.
	You know the girl you were beating off to in Zola?
	It was a dude.
	No.
	No way.
	This was a dude?
	Oh, no.
	What the fuck?
	Get out of here.
	She's gonna fucking class your picture.
	I busted her not to that hot chick.
	Wait a second.
	You better be kidding.
	So wait.
	A24 Zola will be available to rented home.
	Maybe that should be another movie we watch.
	Oh, yeah, silly, piss.
	Okay, say one sentence that's normal and don't cry.
	I mean, seeing people, of course, too, but really purposefully was probably the first time in my life where I really felt okay and comfortable alone.
	It used to just be incredibly difficult for me to even just sort of sit with myself.
	And this was a time where that was possible.
	Well, you seem real comfortable now.
	Really relax and let my body relax.
	I think I realized getting to that space and getting surrounded by nature more, it almost was like steps into relaxation.
	Don't you think her friends, like when they hang out with her, they just try to avoid asking how she is?
	Like, so how are you?
	It is casual.
	She's like, what do you do that?
	What do you do?
	Because it's two hours of your life gone.
	I realize that pizza makes me feel like a woman.
	A number two pencil.
	These things are not quite as soft as HPs.
	What do we have in high school with this?
	It looks like somebody on acid where you're trying not to give them a bad trip.
	That's who she is.
	She's the person about to have a bad trip and you want to steer her away.
	But she wants it because it's all about her.
	Yeah, she can't wait for you to ask her about.
	We used to have a rule with mushrooms and acid where it's like, if you start bad tripping, you got to go.
	You're banished from the reservation.
	We had a rule that we would have one sober friend.
	Oh, that's a good idea.
	I wouldn't say completely sober because he was smoking, wheat, and drinking all night, but he wasn't tripping.
	So he would have to, what, deal with the bad tripper?
	In case any of us started to go out, get out there.
	Do you bad trip on meth?
	You can after a certain amount of time, yeah.
	I mean, shadow people are normal.
	Hallucinations.
	Right.
	After, you know.
	But like, bad trips on mushrooms and acid.
	No, my whole life is a lie.
	I want to die.
	I'm dying right now.
	Time doesn't exist.
	I used to love doing acid.
	I used to get the only type of anxiety.
	Sorry, Ryan.
	You ever had a bad trip on acid?
	I wouldn't say they were terrible bad trips.
	Like one time I was.
	Well, then it wasn't a brief.
	I thought I was dirty laundry.
	You thought I was a bad trip?
	I was like laying in the bathroom with like towels and stuff on me and people would come to the doorway and they're like, what are you doing?
	I'm like, just hanging out like dirty laundry.
	True story.
	And then one time I got into a fight with a door jam.
	Like I was walking through the doorway and I bumped into it and I started grabbing it and was like choking it and like choking.
	Choking what?
	The door?
	The door.
	Like the door jam.
	Yeah.
	Oh, it was terrible.
	But it was a good time.
	What did I interrupt there, Ryan?
	This is just Maddie's theme song.
	Dirty laundry.
	I almost cut off a cop's thumb on ass at one time.
	What?
	Yeah.
	Because it was actually one of the few times I was hanging out with my younger brother.
	And this cop that grew up in my neighborhood was with us.
	And we were in the kitchen playing around with knives.
	And I went to slam the knife down.
	And he stuck his hand because he thought I was going to cut my brother's finger off.
	And I cut so deep into the top of his thumb.
	Oh, terrible.
	So he had to go get stitches.
	Oh, yeah, he got stitched up.
	But he wasn't tripping because he was on the job.
	Cop, yeah.
	Yeah, every time I tell cops I know you, they go, he's a really bad dude.
	It's not good.
	On paper, I look like a monster.
	A little monster.
	Well, maybe that paper's correct.
	Maybe that paper nailed it.
	Nailed it?
	No, we did mushrooms once on Halloween, and it was a crazy night, because ding-dong, the bell would ring, and the host would go, you.
	And you'd have to answer the door where there'd be literally a bee and literally a vampire and a dad.
	And they weren't dressed up, they were their costumes.
	But just like the dirty laundry, there was like a little mud room by the garage where about four dudes had ended up, I don't know, stuck there.
	Yeah.
	And they were on the ground just like going, yeah!
	It was sort of like that, the compactor room in Star Wars where they're in the garbage, and they were all one blob.
	I wasn't part of it.
	It was Paul McCarthy, Eric deGrasse, a couple other dudes.
	And we would open it up and they'd all be like, yeah!
	And we would throw like little balls of bread to feed them.
	Feed the fish.
	And they would go, yeah, and then we would close it again.
	They weren't locked in.
	They could leave whenever they wanted.
	Literally, the threshold of the bathroom door.
	They would not come in.
	And then Eric put on a monster mask.
	Oh, Jeff.
	And he came downstairs to scare us.
	And we all went, what are you doing?
	And then he got super depressed that his monster mask thing flopped.
	And he just took it off and he sat on the couch.
	And we're like, I don't know.
	It was a good try, man.
	It's a scary mask.
	Oh, Jeffrey.
	But bad trips, they're like your family's dying of cancer.
	I mean, it's the apocalypse.
	Yeah, I've never really had a terrible trip.
	The best advice I ever had with bad trips is just wait it out.
	It can't go.
	Yeah.
	It can't go three years.
	It's going to go like six hours maximum.
	The weirdest part for me whenever I trip was at the end, like, all right, am I sane again?
	Or am I still tripping?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Did you ever get acid or any hallucinogens in prison?
	No, the only drugs I ever, I mean, people would get, like heroin and meth.
	and I did coke Twice in a county jail and I did it once in federal prison and I sat there and I said why the fuck did I do this?
	Now I'm just alert in myself.
	Yeah, I wanted to shoot through the wall Like what am I gonna do?
	So how did they coke get it up someone's ass I guess yeah, you know sneaking in on a visit oh yeah coke's a social drug if you're not partying yeah with beer and everything what are we doing like I could I mean it'd be tough I mean I but listen I loved crystal meth that was my drug of choice um no thank you I would I would I could do it and just be normal but like still being in prison you'd be like why yeah my problem with
	a man named Dominic Dominic hey what's up guys hey man what's going on hey I just actually wanted to ask you what is the email address where I can send something to the show so that's uh uh the GML mailbag and the address is uh mailbag all one word m-a-i-l not m-a-l-e mailbag at censored.tv okay so

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