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July 16, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
02:13:15
GET OFF MY LAWN LIVE #108 - BIOMETRIC AUTHENTICATION
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Time Text
No, I see Corecomen collected making my way to Hipster.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Devin McGuinness to turn me into the What's
it like to get everything wrong every day?
You're like you're ubiquitously wrong.
You're all things at all times, but wrong.
That's kind of impressive.
Yeah.
Well, that's what Satan is.
You're the opposite of God.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the show.
Our Thursday regular is here, Mr. Maddie O'Dell.
Hello, Matthew.
What's going on, Cal?
Right, guy.
Happy to be back.
He's at the bar, just like Andy Cohen's after hours.
Cheers.
Maddie and I are both bikers, just like that caller last week who was a trucker because he delivered fresh direct three times.
I ride a bike, so I'm a biker.
If you surfed and you stood up once, then you're a surfer.
True.
And if you drive a truck that's more than seven feet tall, then you're a trucker.
He could say he's a professional truck driver because the word professional means just getting paid for it.
You want to be good at it.
Be good at it if you will.
Dude, as long as you're getting paid, you're a professional.
Dude, from last week, you're supposed to be a little self-conscious.
Like, obviously, I say biker as a joke.
I say surfer as a joke.
You should have been saying trucker as a joke.
I used to deliver records because what cargo records would do is they'd ship them to the border because it was cheap.
And then it's very expensive to ship to Canada.
So because it's considered like Australia.
That's the way Americans work.
They're just like, Canada's another world.
So they would ship them to the border, like Rochester or something.
I would go down there with my van, fill them up, and then come back.
I wouldn't dare say trucker.
I'd listen to them bitch about all the stupid little stickers they had to have on the back of their trucks.
Those guys get tortured by the government.
But yeah, I'm a fucking trucker.
For those of you not familiar with what we're talking about, Caller last week was saying he married a doctor and he's doing well financially with her working and him not, but he's a trucker.
And should he continue trucking?
And then through a little bit of prodding, we discover that he's not a trucker.
Just like I'm not a biker.
Anyway, Tactical Walls.
This episode is brought to you by TacticalWalls.
TacticalWalls.com.
Promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.
I talked to the guy the other day.
How humid it is here in the Bronx.
And I said, I'd love you to come into the studio and help us build a big, fancy thing.
We can have motorcycle helmets and stuff on it and baseball bats and all the other weapons we're allowed to have in New York.
And he goes, okay, I'll fly down and install it.
Ooh.
And I go, dude, you can just ship it.
I'm not retarded.
And he goes, I'd rather make sure it was done right.
If it's going to advertise the company, I want to make sure it's perfect.
Ooh, that'll be cool to have our jackets displayed like they're guys.
So we're looking forward to that.
We haven't worked out when we'll do it.
Things are hectic now.
I had to help Brian move all day, which fucking sucks.
A lot of stuff.
I talked to some rich neighbors whose company paid to have all their shit packed and moved to Florida and then unpacked.
And I go, I'm going to do that.
I'm doing that.
Hook me up with who did it.
And they go, okay, blah, blah, blah.
And it's just like, it's just like, well, it's $10,000, but then it's another $2,000, you know, tips and everything and costs.
I'm sorry?
It's $12,000 to have your shit packed.
I would let a homosexual fuck me in the ass and pack that shit for $12,000.
There's no way I'm paying $12 fucking grand.
You just feel like an asshole.
You'd feel like a dick.
So yeah, tacticalwalls.com, promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.
We highly recommend.
It's vet owned.
They make everything here in America.
This is the future of America, is manufacturing coming back.
Fuck China.
The shit they make is disposable.
You wouldn't believe all the shit we had to throw out.
It's like contractor bag after contractor bag of shit.
China makes crap.
Look at this.
New York weather sucks.
I was talking to a guy, a Floridian, and I go, you know what?
Maybe Florida isn't so bad after all.
I mean, I've been watching the weather on my phone down there just for fun.
And it's been 85.
Tomorrow's going to be 90 in New York.
And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
New Yorkers always say that because July is reasonable.
August and September are fucking AIDS.
And all of you New Yorkers who are moving down there are going to have buyer's remorse in about two weeks for two months.
Apparently, August and September is unfucking real.
Anyway, tatkawaz.com, promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.
Got a fun show for you today.
As you know, how it works here is we do the first half hour free and put it up as a podcast to try to get people to come to censored TV.
It's the only way we really are allowed to advertise, and that probably won't last very long.
And then we do another.
Oh, look, Mercedes is calling from prison.
There's a free call from Mercedes Carrera.
An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
This call is not private.
It will be recorded and they're not.
Oh, I know.
If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a result of the case.
It's pretty funny that she uses her stage name.
If you would like to thank you for using Securus, you may start the conversation now.
Hey, Mercedes.
Hey, Gavin.
How are you doing?
I am good.
I'm good.
We're shooting the show.
You're live on Get Off My Lawn on censor.tv.
Hello.
Well, thank you for having me on.
Are you worried about getting murdered by your ex-husband?
Well, I certainly should be if I have to go to the hospital here or, you know, like that.
Yeah.
Do you still have COVID?
Well, you know, I don't think so, but I was never swabbed a second time like I should have been, so nobody knows for sure.
It sounds like they're not really treating the prisoners very well.
You were encouraging me to tell our viewers to call OSHA?
Cal OSHA.
Yeah, Cal OSHA is the, I'm pretty sure the dude is the health and safety for most institutions in California.
Because they're handing out blankets that are covered in feces and menstrual blood, and they're handing them out as new blankets.
Yeah, and anytime any material is done, block feces, urine, or vomit, it's supposed to be disposed of.
But this facility is so disgusting, they'll just throw it back in the wash and reuse it.
And actually, Jason got scabies from the clothing that they gave him here.
Wait, who got scabies?
My husband.
Oh, oh, you've heard through contact.
So it's not...
Oh, I'm sorry.
So he's in the male equivalent of San Bernardino, but same jail.
Same jail.
He got scabies, the clothes here.
Wow.
That's amazing.
We've got an ex-con as a co-host because our Thursday nights include Maddie O'Dell.
Maddie, have you ever heard of getting scabies from?
Scabies?
Yeah, I've seen the whole dormitory shut down where everyone in the unit is isolated because so many people have scabies.
And where was that?
Virginia.
I was in Central Virginia, Central Virginia, CVRJ, Central Virginia Regional Jail in Orange, Virginia.
It just, they clearly don't see prisoners as human beings down there, which is great if they're pedophiles, but if they're innocent, then wait till they're proven guilty, no?
Well, keep in mind, I'm in a jail, not a prison.
So I'm not a convict, and these aren't convicts.
These are people who are awaiting trial.
Right.
These are people awaiting trial.
This is the jail facilities.
This is counting.
This isn't a prison.
It's not a prison.
You're calling from jail, not prison.
There we go.
Pre-detention.
Right.
Pre-conviction.
So, and you said that there's hope that you will at least start your trial in August?
Right.
We're going back August 6th to try to set trial dates.
Part of the delay, California State said an emergency order as of March 2020 because of COVID and shut the courts down.
Wow, for fun's sake.
So, yeah, so we have been in this delay, and now we're doing the variants that are back in hysteria.
So, just as the courts were reopening, they're back on another hysteria loop.
So, we're hoping that just as the courts were reopening, we're hoping they don't close everything back down again.
Okay, well, we've got to get back to the show here, Mercedes.
We put up your address at the end of every episode.
Is there anything you want in particular?
Anything you need?
What kind of letters do you like?
You know, I just send me letters.
Oh, you know, everybody sends photos of yourself with a pen.
It says, I got my cell raided the other day because of a pen, and everybody's here ever since I got back from the COVID isolation unit, they said that the deputy, there's one real ugly one in particular.
She spent an hour in my cell reading all my fan mail, making fun of it.
She's been targeting me over this pen.
So all of you send me pictures of yourself with a pen.
And she actually took all the pictures that people have sent me of themselves.
She's been giving me a real hard time.
She confiscated those pictures that people sent to themselves?
Yes, she did.
And she's been giving me a real hard time.
I think she's totally jealous because, you know, nobody wants to write her letters because she has a unibrow and she looks like a Neanderthal.
Her name is Deputy Felix for the record.
But so go ahead and write me letters and notate as a figure for Deputy Felix.
And what percentage of the people who write you letters are porn fans?
And what percentage are through politics and MAGA and stuff, this show and stuff like that?
I'd say about half and half.
Okay.
But a lot of them come from you guys.
And I love all of you guys.
Thank you for writing me.
I'm always gracious.
Just send me letters and send me pictures of yourself, preferably with a black man.
Okay.
That makes me happy.
Pics of...
These people are assholes here.
I love you guys.
Oh, and happy early birthday.
Okay, thanks.
Have a good one, Mercedes.
As good as you can.
We love you.
Love you too.
Bye.
That's intense.
Maddie, when you're in prison, how do letters feel?
Is it fantastic?
I feel like I get Christmas presents every day.
Listen, when you're in prison, like I used to sit there and watch people, because after the afternoon count, after like 4 o'clock when they do the afternoon count shift change and all that, they usually do mail call first thing.
And you would see people still, like everyone crowds around the CO who's handing out the mail because they'll call out names and numbers and hand out whoever's getting mail.
And some people go every day and never, ever, ever, ever get mail.
And it's disheartened.
I mean, I would get disheartened after a while.
I would just stop going.
Fuck you.
Some people do.
Some people don't even pay it.
Like, they just disregard it.
Are there people in prison who don't want to be visited?
Like, I don't want my son to see me here, kind of thing?
Well, it depends on how long you're going to be away, I guess.
Yeah.
I mean, like what Mercedes is and she's in pretrial detention.
Like, she hasn't gone to trial.
She's not convicted.
She's in a county jail, which is the worst because she's obviously in solitary.
She's in the shoe, special housing unit or the whole solitary confinement.
She's not in general population.
Because one, of who she is, you know, she would be preyed upon.
Like other inmates would try to extort her because they think she's got money.
You know, she was a porn star, all that stuff.
So she would disrupt the day-to-day activities within the facility.
It's kind of like Joe Biggs and stuff like that because they think he's going to disrupt the day-to-day activities by organizing.
Like they put him in what they call administrative segregation.
Or at least they can say that.
Right.
I want to put them in solitary.
Give me an excuse.
All high-profile inmates usually go straight to the shoe.
They get put on what is administrative segregation.
It's a little different from disciplinary segregation when you get put in a hole or the shoe because they're allowed a little bit more freedom on like commissary lists and stuff like that.
Like when you're in disciplinary segregation, you're only allowed, well, the jails and the prisons I've been, you're only allowed hygiene products.
Like you couldn't buy snacks, you couldn't buy stuff like that.
You could call it the shoe tray diet.
You only get your three trays a day and that's it.
Isn't it mental torture to be in the shoe?
I mean as human beings, the way we sort of, and rats, a lot of mammals, the way that we stay sane and function is a sense of society and interaction.
You cut that out, you're alone.
You lose a social creature.
You start losing it.
Yeah.
I mean, but...
Social creatures, that's what I meant to say.
Cells are, unless you're in like the ADX in Florence where like all the cells are angled where you can't see anybody.
You know, like a regular shoe and a hole, there's so much noise during the day, there's no shot of trying to sleep or get anything done.
And most, like I've like in Allenwood, where I was in Allenwood, there were three-man shoes.
There was three bunk beds.
So it was three men in a cell.
So you got two other people to talk to, unless you were by yourself.
Like in MDC Brooklyn or MCC Manhattan, there were two man shoes.
So you always had a cell, you had a cellmate.
But wait a minute.
The whole point of the shoe is to isolate you, but then they put you in a three-man cell?
Yeah, in Allenwood, there was three-men sell shoes.
I don't understand what the special housing unit is anymore.
Well, it's people who have disciplinary infractions.
Like, if you get what they call a shot, so you get written up, you get a shot.
The call you said the lieutenant's officer is going to put you in a shoe.
You go to the special housing unit, get put in a cell.
Then you have, like, what they call it, you go to your UDC first, which is unit disciplinary hearing.
So the unit usually just kicks it to what they call a DHO, which is your disciplinary hearing officer.
So the non-shoe people, they get to wander around and like watch TV and play ping pong and stuff.
Right, non-sharing-shoe people can't.
23 hours in shoe.
It's supposed to be 23 in one.
You're supposed to get one hour out for rec, and then they give you hygiene.
Like some, like in MDC, they had what they call boxcar cells.
MDC where Epstein allegedly...
He was in MCC.
I was in that shoe also.
MDC is in Brooklyn, which is Metropolitan Detention Center.
It's on 3rd Avenue, like 26th Street.
Like they had what they call boxcar shoes.
There was a shower in the cell, so I could shower anytime I wanted.
So could Epstein?
No.
Oh, no, he was taken somewhere.
Right.
In MCC, the shoe is on the ninth floor.
And the way the floors in MCC are, it's like almost like a split-level ranch house.
Like, if a little stairwell goes down, a little stairwell goes up.
And right at the beginning of the steps, on the upper and lower tier, is a shower with a bar door on it.
So what they do is when you're in the shoe, you have to cuff up anytime they open the door.
So the CEO comes to the door, he opens up the food tray slot, you stick your hands out in the back, he locks you up in handcuffs.
Now, if your cellmate's in there with you, your cellmate, then you have to go sit back on the bed, then your cellmate has to come back up to the door, and he has to get handcuffed.
They won't open the door until both inmates are cuffed up.
Then they'll take you out, close the door, and walk you down to the shower.
They'll make you step in the shower with your clothes and towel or whatever your shower, your hygiene products.
Then they'll close the door, lock it.
Then it's a gray bar, like the gray bar hotel, the gray bars.
You stick your hand out through the foot like a slot, and they uncuff you, and then you go in there and shower.
Now, when Epstein wrote, oh, they locked me in the shower for hours.
So it never came.
He didn't come back in the shower after a couple of like 15 minutes or 20, however long you want to be in the shower.
Yeah.
You know, maybe something happened.
Who knows?
Do you beat off in there?
I'm sure people do.
That's why you wear shower shoes.
Because where do you get a chance to beat off?
In the shoe?
I don't know.
I guess you could beat off in the shower.
Yeah, I get a beat off in a room.
Put it this way.
If I was in a room, in a cell, with a cellmate and he started beating off, we'd be going at it.
That ain't happening.
You'd go from a beat off to a beating.
Yeah, exactly.
Let's check in on another sponsor of the show, Johnny Apple CBD.
Been here since day one.
And we appreciate them for that.
If you are interested in the magic of CBD, do not go anywhere else but Johnny Apple CBD because they support this show.
If you see an advertiser on this show, know they're getting harassed.
Same with Tucker Carlson, actually.
If you see any advertiser with any kind of influential right-winger, they are getting harassed.
I saw Dan Bongino was doing a thing recently where he's like, I dare you to ban me, Facebook.
I dare you to ban me, Instagram, YouTube.
I've had enough of this shit.
And it's like, I love Dan Bongino, but he's not a threat.
He's a Ben Shapiro.
He's a moderate conservative who doesn't say anything dangerous.
If he really wanted to get banned, he'd have me or a proud boy on the show.
We are the toxic Avengers.
We are the ones that, I'm fucking banned from Australia.
You know how easy it is to get banned from Twitter?
I'm banned from PayPal.
I can't use a credit card processor.
If you gave me your bar, I couldn't process the credit cards.
So yeah, I'm sorry, Dan.
You're not a threat.
They've banned all the threats.
Now they're actually going farther.
Biden's talking about this purge.
Did you hear about this?
I don't know why I'm doing this in a commercial for CBD.
We'll get to that in a second.
This is how you relax from all that bad news.
Just take a look.
Well, Elijah Schaefer texted me the other day.
Maybe I'm speaking in a term, but he's like, Jesus, I haven't been in an industry like this before where you're constantly having your life threatened and the president wants to kill you.
But it's pretty harrowing.
How do you survive?
And I go, boxing and alcohol.
You box in the mornings and you get drunk at night.
And the good thing about boxing and alcohol is your training hungover.
So when you're at your worst, you're practicing, fighting, which is, I think, a good time to practice at your lowest point where you're, now you dry heave a lot and everyone at the gym thinks you're a pussy because you're a third of your normal self.
If these guys could ever get me at 10 p.m., maybe they wouldn't call me the quote-unquote mayor of Cupcakeville, which is a moniker I'm not happy about.
Or just WIMP, I think, is the newest one they seem to be using, which hurts.
When Larry Barnes is like, see you later, WIMP.
My jokes are so much better with Larry than he gets to me.
I once brought children's books to the gym, and he was like, what the fuck are those?
I'm like, oh, I brought you these.
I just thought you might want to choose a story right before I put you to sleep.
I don't know which one you want to read first.
Sometimes they go Zoom.
That's awesome.
Sometimes he fucking laughs his head off and goes, I'm going to tell my grandkids about you.
Okay, now I'm talking about how much black people like me.
That's cringe.
I was like Alex Jones.
They would bring my father pies.
They would line up and bring pies to my father because he lowered taxes in the black community.
Alex is awesome.
Yeah, sorry.
So back to Johnny Apple CBD.
All the magic of weed without the illegal part.
Take the gummies to go to bed.
This is just my two cents.
I don't know how you interpret them, but this is what I've noticed with Johnny Apple CBD.
I like the tinctures in my coffee to take the edge off.
I like the topicals after a leg day or some brutal workout where you're hurting the next day.
It's magical.
The hippies are right.
The liberals are right.
Weed is magical.
And the gummies, the tinctures, the topicals.
But you also use all the inhaler things that you kids are up to these days with those weird digital dicks you stick in your mouth.
And the straight up tincture is my favorite, but I will.
Oh, you put the tincture on your tongue, right?
You don't put it in your coffee.
It's so good.
I just put it in the coffee because that's what I think they told me.
I never thought to just take it.
Well, it still works in the cough, and it's great.
Yeah.
Anyway, Johnny Apple CBD.
Promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
They've been with us through since the beginning.
If you're going to try CBD, then this is the place to go.
And if you're already using CBD, why the fuck aren't you using these people?
Like my glasses guy.
I meet a glasses guy in the city.
He's MAGA.
It's a bitch to commute there, even from the South Bronx.
But he's my glasses guy for life.
Like I'll die with that glasses guy.
That's what you do when you find one of us.
Promo code Gavin, that's enough of that.
Holy shit, it's already almost over the free part of the show.
All right, let's do a little bit of news just so the people who are freeloaders can see how we do.
Show the LGBTQ interstitial, and then I want to show you something that is fucking amazing.
We are glorifying mental illness in these times.
We've always had these freaks, but they were always on the outskirts of society.
I remember being punk in the late 80s, early 90s, and we'd have these things called anarchist ungatherings, because we're anarchists, so we can't say gathering.
Like anything that involved rules had to be unrules.
Sort of like vegetarians with like tofurky and un-meat and everything.
And there'd be a tranny there.
That was normal.
There was this guy, Carl.
He wore a slip.
You know, like women wear under a dress?
So he'd have a slip and tennis shoes on, and he was a tranny, and he was the weirdo in the group.
And then he would do a workshop, and he'd talk about how children have sexual lives and they're sexual beings, and everyone would beat him up because there's a bunch of single moms there who, you know, were fucking on welfare and they got knocked up and they don't want to hear about kids getting fucked.
And as we watched them chase him down the street and out of the anarchist ungathering, we went, oh, so that's what those freaks are up to.
Now you turn on the news and they're on MSNBC.
They've got their own show.
They're running for office.
Now the freaks have become normalized.
This isn't a stupid feminism one, is it?
Why are you ugly?
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
And then we fell in love.
And then they eat their poop and we have a very good relationship.
You don't want to see a closed up picture of my haters because you hate damage.
You ugly.
Homophobal.
That's fucking awesome.
That's one of the better ones.
That's so not gay.
Okay, so I'm just assuming this person's gay.
I don't know.
But she claims that she wasn't parented enough or she misses her parents or something.
She's just ill.
She's mentally ill.
Let's stop psychoanalyzing it.
This is just a crazy person.
And 20 years ago, 30 years ago, you'd see a crazy person and go, oh, that's a crazy person.
Now you go, what's happening?
What are your pronouns?
What should I call you?
No.
Don't talk to, as my father would say at the pub when some lunatic would start talking to us about aliens.
Don't engage.
But we're engaged.
We're engaged to this.
So this is how you reparent yourself if your parents aren't around and you need love from your mommy and daddy.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I know you're scared.
I know we don't know what to do.
That I've got you and I won't leave you.
I love you.
And I'm so sorry.
I'm just scared.
But it's okay to feel.
It's safe.
Look at her hairy legs.
Is that a green screen?
I can feel the emotions.
Yeah, you're you.
I can feel the emotions when I hold you.
Yeah, you're in the body that you're holding, dumbass.
I'm the one that knows exactly what I need and when I need it.
Big hugs, me.
Big hugs.
I love myself.
I can't live without me.
You lost your mother relatively early, Maddie?
Both parents.
My father passed away when he was 49, 1991.
How do you reparent yourself?
I don't know.
For fuck's sake, Maddie, get it together.
Fuck off with you.
Our parents come from like three miles from each other.
What?
Oh, that's crazy.
If I was to reparent myself, I guess I would say, who is this man?
He knows nothing.
I do not want him on my team.
It doesn't say that.
You're a liar.
That's the infamous Jim McGinnis.
It doesn't say that.
You're a liar.
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
Nothing says I love you more than getting told to get fuck off.
You know, it took me like 16 years to go, oh, you're not mad at me.
That's just how you talk.
You're just very loud.
Because he'd be like, what the fuck are you?
Get over here, no.
And you'd go, oh, shit, I'm the worst person alive.
I must have really fucked up bad.
But then he'd be like repairing something.
He's not dead.
I don't know why I'm talking about like my dad's dead.
He doesn't repair things anymore.
But he'd be like, oh, you fucking stupid.
For fuck's sake.
And then he was hurter on nobody more than himself.
And he'd be driving, oh, you fucking idiot, James.
For fuck's sake, Jimmy.
Get it and get him, you stupid.
You fucking idiot.
Like if we were low on gas and he thought he's about to run on gas, he'd be punching the steering wheel going, you fucking idiot, James.
Like that guy with the hands who's mad at his hands for playing guitar.
It's these.
You see this wrist?
These fucking bastards.
Looks a lot like you, that guy.
Oh, he could be my grandfather.
No, he could be your twin brother.
I think so.
We both have tempers.
Off a fucking train.
Off the fucking trick.
Shame me a fucking echo.
So you live with someone like that and they talk to you screaming and yelling and you go, that guy's mad.
But once you see them lose their temper, and that's why I think it's important with my kids, because I have a bad temper too and I yell at them all the time.
But when they see me yell at like a pen and a Twizzler and the fridge, they realize, oh, you're just bombastic.
You put it right when he wrecked his guitar.
I've beaten a motorcycle With a shovel.
You beat a motorcycle with a shovel?
I've dropped my motorcycle in the middle of an intersection and just walked away.
Wow.
I've done some fuck you.
Stop cooperating.
Motherfuckers.
You're going to suffer now, bitch.
And then I go get my bike into the middle of the intersection.
Like the bike is going, okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah.
When we would go tree planting, if a twig whipped me or something and cut my skin, I would take the twig and then I would show all the other twigs who just cut me and the blood would be on it.
And then I would destroy the twig in front of the other twigs as they all sat going, oh shit.
Get the word out.
Don't cut him.
All right, that's it.
We only did one news item for the freebies.
We've got tons of other fun shit to talk about.
We might call my friend in South Africa, who I've noticed, by the way, everyone I know in South Africa, usually like when there's shit going down, like in Portland, for example, you call and they go, oh yeah, well, it's just this one area where Antifa are.
Yeah, it sucks though, but it's not that bad.
And, you know, depending who you talk to, you get different perspectives.
Not in South Africa.
Go ahead, fucking just call a random number down there.
And people are going, what gives these people the rat to fucking destroy this country?
That's a terrible South African accent.
But yeah, they are fuck.
Every single person you talk to goes, no, this is different.
This country is ending.
And we're headed there if we let this critical race theory shit go.
Oh, it's definitely writing on the wall.
Well, I saw some tweet.
Yeah, go to 2.5 where they say what's really going on here is post-apartheid inequity.
And you go, whites have been second-class citizens in that country for a quarter century.
There's concentration camps for white people.
They are literally second-class citizens.
So I'm afraid you can't blame them for anything.
They're fucking starving to death.
Tremol is linked to surging poverty during lockdowns and post-apartheid inequalities.
55% of people live in poverty.
White people own...
That's not true anymore.
White people own most businesses.
That's just false.
White people are fucking broke.
They're unemployable.
Anyway, we're going to get into that, but you're cheap, so you're not allowed to indulge.
In the interim, I would like everyone to actually let me elaborate here.
When I say the first part of this goodbye, I don't just mean go up to your boss and kick him in the nuts.
I mean if not being yourself is eating you up alive and you're petrified of losing your job, so you become someone else.
That's no way to live.
Don't be scared of losing your job.
You'll get a better job.
You'll move on.
Not being you is evil.
Constantly apologizing for yourself is evil.
The fucking ADT guy, Craig, who came by here, who said, I'm Indian, and I said, how much?
And he goes, 4%.
I wish it was more.
That's pathetic.
Whatever race you are, whatever your ethnicity, to apologize for yourself is fucking pathetic.
Stop it.
By the way, have you noticed that people don't really fuck with anti-maskers?
Like, at the beginning, we saw a few Karens, but for the most part, I've noticed as a non-masked guy, no one really fucks with me.
Everyone else has a mask.
One time, a retard kind of fucked with me at a grocery store, but that's about it.
And that says a lot.
And I think it's because non-maskers wreck shit.
Like, we scream and act like black people and Jews and Muslims and Asians.
The only reason those other groups don't get attacked is because they fight back and freak the fuck out when you mess with them.
So anti-maskers, Jews, Asians, Muslims, blacks, every group is left alone because they say fuck off.
White people should try it.
White people should say, no, we're not doing that because it's not working out for them otherwise.
So anyway, if it preserves your job to hate yourself and apologize, don't do it.
Lose your job.
Just like that woman, that lawyer who worked for the free legal affairs thing in New York, she said that she didn't want to attend an anti-white seminar.
And her employer said, we're ashamed she works here.
And it's a nonprofit here in New York.
She was right to get fired.
She's suing them now, by the way.
So that's what I mean when I say the first part of this.
And here's the rest.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Most of my old friends, I can only stand for the weekend.
But that doesn't apply here.
Doesn't apply.
Why'd you play the wrong song, Ryan?
Um, I made a mustik.
Um maybe I can call this South Africa guy.
They always have such weird names like Will Helm and stuff.
Remember him?
He called me recently.
Um but it's weird calling people on telegram.
You know?
Well, I guess that's who she is.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Oh, fuck.
This is like what people subscribe to.
Anyway, that country's fucked.
I don't see how it could recover.
What are they going to do?
Settle things?
I mean...
Who's taking the place of Zuma?
I don't fucking know.
He's got a 15-month prison sentence.
He's going to be out soon.
I mean, in Zimbabwe, they invited all the white farmers back because they wanted food.
Right.
I don't see that happening in South Africa.
Well, I was watching a news story today, and they were saying that, like, the people who are in the cities, like the bigger cities, like where all the looting and everything is, and even the cops are looting.
Like, they're running out of food because all the stores have been looted and destroyed.
So people don't have water, milk, food, nothing.
And then now they've gone into the rural areas and they're starting to set the fields on fire.
Well, yeah, it's not just the stores that are of food.
The farms have stopped making the food.
South Africa was the breadbasket of Africa.
They're setting the fields on fire now.
Kind of like Saddam Hussein when he lit all the oil fields on fire.
It's like, what are you doing?
Yeah, and the difference is Saddam Hussein was going, all right, I'm out of here.
Well, then fuck it.
I'm going to make it burn.
But the blacks in South Africa are still there.
They're burning their own homes.
It's like with any riot, like when South Central with Rodney King and all that.
You burned your own neighborhood down.
Now what do you guys do?
When all the fires are out and everyone stops looting and rioting, you still live there.
It's a total inability to delay gratification.
They're just like, I want this right now.
It's all over.
Unfortunately, reparations.
They want to be paid from when it was.
Okay, when are you paid?
Like, when?
Who gets paid for what?
What was it?
Owen Benjamin said he said, I think we already paid reparations in stolen bikes.
We're good.
All right, let's continue with this LGBT stuff.
I've never heard.
I just discovered this woman that apparently is ancient news, Tatiana McGrath.
And it's some dude being a stuck-up bitch.
This is 1-3.
She's really good.
Holy shit, 640,000 followers.
And she's just offended by everything.
A lot of people think it's real.
What's a recent tweet here?
Tatiana McGrath.
What's her name?
No, Titania.
Titania.
Oh, so this is July 13th.
As a proud feminist, it is depressing to see that more and more women are becoming violent sexual predators.
And then quite frankly, these women are no better than men.
And look at the guy who identifies as a woman.
Woman charged after allegedly assaulting boy six in Toronto Park.
Look at this fucking dude.
You just say you're a woman.
I think that means I want to go to a holding cell with women in it so I can molest them too.
He's not even trying.
That's the woman who assaulted the child?
Yes.
Oh.
I want to be a little bit.
Put some lipstick on, for fuck's sakes.
You want to know what's funny?
Like, you know, the episode, a couple episodes ago, you had the guy who was a girl who was having the baby.
Yes.
And this is where it's going to get tricky because she was the biological female who mothered the child.
They wouldn't put on the birth certificate of the child the reverse genders.
Like the father was the mother and the mother was the father.
Right.
When people go to jail, like they're not going to put them, a male, in female prison.
They're not going to...
You could cry and kick and scream and shout and do whatever you want to do.
When it comes down to it, you're male or female.
But hasn't that happened?
Haven't there been men who identify as women in female prisons?
Well, I know in New York State and in the federal system, depending how far along you are in your transition, the state and the federal government will continue to have to pay to have your transition done legally.
So you can have a man in a woman's prison.
Well, unless they're...
What if they have tits and a dick?
You go to a male prison.
There's plenty of people in prison with long hair that look like women with tits and have a dick.
You know what's funny?
When you say that, I just, my brain goes...
They're poor assholes.
They must be shredded.
They must look like this.
Oh.
No, I don't.
I mean, rape does go on, but there's so many people giving it away that it's not really for.
I mean, you have what we call booty bandits.
Could you be friends with a booty bandit?
I wouldn't be friends with a booty bandit.
In federal teaching, I taught like ceramic, the ceramics class and leather class, and there was quite a few he-she's that would come to the class.
Why?
Because it's like artsy?
Well, you have to, quote-unquote, program.
So it counts as completing a program.
You always have to either go to school program or do something constructive with your time.
You have to.
Yeah.
Because I was talking to a guy.
You have to, but when you go up for your, like, in, you go to see your counselor like every six months.
And then when you get to, like, I think less than a year, it's every three months.
You have to, you're supposed to have had a certain amount of like awards for programming.
Yeah, it's like Boy Scout badges.
Yeah, same shit.
It means, I mean, anyone who took the course got the certificate.
Like, I'm not going to fail anybody.
Are you kidding me?
You know, for what?
I'm there for the same.
I'm a prisoner, too.
I'm not.
I'm not.
Yeah.
You're taking the class?
All right, we're done.
I was talking to a guy the other day who went to jail for no-shows.
He was a mobster.
No-show jobs.
Yeah.
And they go, we need you.
You know, you can sign up.
You can work at the cafeteria or something.
He goes, I didn't work out there.
Why the fuck would I work in here?
Yeah.
Well, if you refuse to work, you get the shot.
You get refusing a direct order, insolence, you get all sorts of shots.
You're going to be in the shoe for.
But then there are no-show jobs, like in the federal system.
Like people have, like, what they have a job called PM Compound.
Like, you're supposed to go out there with what they call a Cadillac, which is like one of those dust pans on a stick, a little broom.
But people never go.
Like, there's certain people that they just sign off and they get paid, I think, 98 cents a month.
So, you know, they go down.
So it's way less than you think it is.
They go down, they go down to wherever their boss is and they say, okay, I'm here.
And they just check them off that they came to work and they go back to the unit and they get paid 98 cents.
Now, people are watching this going, well, what did this guy do?
How many times have you been to prison?
I've been to state prison once.
I was in federal prison for the shape charge on three different times.
I did my time, and then I did two parole violations.
And then I've got like four years in a county jail.
So that sounds like five.
Yeah, like five different times.
Five different times.
And they were guns.
Guns, knives, and drugs.
That was too much of indie.
I have one felon in possession of a firearm was a federal charge.
I have criminal possession of methamphetamine means with intent to distribute.
But that almost got way worse because you had guns in the house, right?
Yep.
And I got state time for that.
Why didn't you get in trouble for the guns?
They charged me because my federal crime was in 2004, my conviction.
So over 10 years, the state only goes back 10 years on your criminal history in New York State.
So my federal conviction was 14 and a half, 15 years old.
So it was like when I got my drug charge, it was as a first-time nonviolent offense.
Oh, handy.
So how many years have you spent in prison, total, total?
I did 43 months in federal prison, a year at state prison, and four years in county jails.
So four years and seven and a half, eight and a half years.
And the longest tent was four and a half years?
Plus parole and so the longest tent was four and a half years?
43 months.
Is that four and a half years?
No, it's just below four years.
Three and a half years.
Oh, so that's what Max and John are.
Well, Max and John are.
Yeah, about the same time.
And that sucks, I assume.
It is what it is.
You know, what are you going to do?
Then you do, you know, violations here, 10 months, 6 months.
Is there a number, like, as far as I'm concerned with drives, four hours, no problem.
Five hours, I start losing my fucking mind.
Six hour drive, I think this fucking blows.
I'm in a bad mood.
Is there a year thing?
Like, if four years is okay, five years sucks.
Six and up is like, I'm going to kill myself.
I mean, unless you're doing like real big number, like 25 to life and stuff like that.
As long as you have a number, you have, there's, you know, it's better than a letter.
That's what they say.
Yeah.
I'd rather have a number than a letter.
Well, Mercedes doesn't have a number.
No, she's pre-trial.
And pre-trial could be five years.
Yeah, however long it takes to do her case.
Like Rikers Island is a county jail for New York City.
Yeah, remember that case?
There was that black kid who was there for five years?
In any county jail.
He killed himself.
Sentenced inmates who, like, anything from, like, a felony, I mean, a misdemeanor down, which has a maximum of 12 months incarceration, is a year or under.
You could do in a county jail.
So if you go to, say you get into a fight and they charge you with assault in the third degree or whatever, and you get one year in a county jail.
You do about eight months on that, which is a cool bullet.
I'm doing a bullet.
It's eight months because you do, in county jails, you still do two-thirds.
I can do eight months.
244 days.
So you're doing a bullet.
But some people who don't want to go upstate, they do plea bargains or whatever their charges are, and they get back-to-back bullets.
And that is torture beyond belief because now you're doing 16 months at a county jail, and a county jail sucks because there's no movement.
People are stressed out.
Attitudes are flying because these people are all pre-trial.
They don't know what their cases are, how much time they're doing.
And you're already a sentenced inmate.
So like, what are you fucking...
So you prefer, you'd rather just go right to prison.
Yeah, that's usually you could tell who's been to prison and who's never been to prison.
Because people have been to prison and they're back in a county jail on a new charge or a new case, and they're going, they want to go back upstate as fast as possible because there's so much more movement, there's so much more activity, there's so much more to do with your time instead of sitting in like one unit in a county jail,
like staring at the same fucking four walls with the same 42 inmates in your tier.
You know, there's no movement.
You don't go anywhere.
You know what I would do?
If I was sentenced to any kind of prison or jail, I would find the biggest fucking guy there.
I'd walk up to him in the like main canteen area or whatever.
I'd grab him by the neck and I'd pick him up.
No, that's the thing.
As he was dangling, I'd go, anyone who fucks with me is going to be dangling like this.
So I hope to see what the fuck happens to motherfuckers who piss me off.
And then I would slam him down.
Well, that's probably the biggest myth ever, considering jail or prison.
That's not a wise choice to ever do anywhere.
It doesn't.
Not for a prison.
No, nobody does that unless you're built like that.
And not too many people are built like that.
You go there, you observe.
I don't know if that overhand right would do the job.
Yeah.
That'd be a tough one.
Now, I liked your advice when we first met, I think, where you just said, you just nip everything in the bud.
Yeah.
Like, what are you looking at?
You like my commissary?
You want my ramen noodles?
Is that what you're looking at?
You don't have your own ramen noodles?
You have to do that because if you show, they want a victim.
They don't want somebody who's going to confront them and want to fight them.
Are you in the city much these days?
Like Manhattan?
I've been down like a few times since COVID, but nothing crazy.
I've noticed a new walk that I've just developed.
I think everyone has.
Where you just sort of, you maintain air in your chest.
Yeah.
And you sort of have this like no headphones.
What's up?
Everything okay?
That's the worst.
And then at the subway, you're always sort of going up against one of the pillars.
Yeah, so nobody comes from behind you.
It's situational awareness.
Be aware of what's going on in your immediate vicinity.
Headphones walk away.
I let people, when people have headphones in and they're looking down at their phone, they walk in the polls and parking meters.
And how do you know who's running up behind you or who's like if you don't have your headphones on, you hear the footsteps coming up behind you?
You can turn around and see what the hell's going on.
Dude, 2000, I'm going to go with like two because Juliani didn't magically turn New York safe.
It took a long time of throwing away people like Julian.
He Disney fied everything.
And then I would say like 2003, you could walk around nude with dollar bills glued to yourself in Times Square.
It felt like fucking Switzerland for a while there.
Another shooting in Times Square yesterday.
You're kidding.
No.
Not the tourist guy, not the Marine.
It was a gunfight.
They said it was somebody in a BMW, a four-door BMW, and somebody on a dirt bike got into a beef and shots were fired in the middle.
41st and 7th.
Well, I read recently some cops saying that in this neighborhood, kids are carrying guns.
Innocent kids, like normal guys, like you and me, are carrying handguns because they'd rather, especially with this no-bail shit, they'd rather get a gun charged than get popped.
They'd rather get caught than shot.
Yeah.
So they're like, fine, arrest me.
I'll take my chances with the courts because I don't want to get my fucking head blown off when I'm at a bodega.
Yeah.
That's the Wild West.
New York is back to Wild West days.
Back, yeah.
Like when I was a kid growing up, you know, in the late 70s, early 80s, my father worked in the Bronx.
He was a fucking shithole.
What was his job?
He worked for the phone company.
Oh, yeah.
He worked on Zariga Avenue in the Bronx.
Fucking crazy.
Yep.
I'm reluctant to take on a new subject.
Oh, let's just finish this Titania McGrath because Jordan Peterson had the guy on who does the character.
Jordan B. Peterson?
Jordan B. Not Jesse Lee Peterson.
Oh.
Who says, you're not a man unless you picked cotton.
Wow.
Yeah.
Does taking me out of the aspirin bottle count?
Thank God this is gone.
But you're a satirist and a comedian, as well.
You can't see how unfunny I am in real life.
Isn't that awful?
You know, when I'm doing stand-up, if I've got a script, I can be funny, but I can't be funny spontaneously.
People are very disappointed about that.
I'm sorry.
I'm curious about your motivations.
Let's talk about Titanium.
Hold on a second.
Isn't it funny how some of these guys like Stefan Molyneux and Jordan Peterson, both Canadian, are just so painfully humorless?
Like, you're a satirist.
Can you just fucking relax?
He does a funny Twitter handle where he pretends to be an uptight cunt.
That's it.
It's just amusing.
Why does everything have to be so fucking space?
Oh, you do these things called jokes.
Is that correct?
What kind of psychological proclivities led you to this note?
Rats and other mammals don't have humor.
He sounds like a robot.
You know, on those space shows where they go, I can't understand love and humor.
Anyway, go ahead.
First for everyone.
Tanya McGrath originated as a Twitter character in around April 2018.
And the idea of the character is that she is a very privileged, poe-faced, young white intersectional activist who is determined to be offended by absolutely anything.
She can problematize absolutely anything.
You know, you could give her a pair of shoes or a hat or a holiday in Margate.
And she would find a way to say that it is irredeemably transphobic and white supremacist or something like that.
She can do those things that the activists always do.
So nothing is ever good enough for her.
She's also immensely privileged.
She comes from an independently wealthy background.
She lives in, you know, one of those gated communities, which is 99% white.
She has a deep mistrust of the working class.
But she thinks that she is virtuous and noble and good.
And she goes on Twitter and goes on the attack all the time, trying to isolate things, trying to save the world through intersectional theory.
And it's a very recognizable type of act.
Even if you know nothing about intersectionality or anything of the stuff that came out of the School of Thought of Kimberly Crenshaw or any of those academics, even if you know nothing about that, you will recognize this type of figure because this figure is ubiquitous on Twitter, on social media.
They always have their pronouns in their bio.
They always use the same terminology such as hegemony or discourse or problematic.
She knows the right jargon to use.
Lived experience, cultural appropriation, mansplaining, toxic masculinity.
And all of these things tend to be slogans in substitutive thought.
You know, women, when they don't have kids as they get older, they become so fucking annoying.
And nowhere is this more prevalent than with rich women.
Because they've got the au pairs and the nannies and the maids doing all the things they would normally do.
So they derive no joy.
Remember, like, my parents are not good-grandparents, but like that generation before them, they'd make like a doll.
Like your grandfather would make a dollhouse for your kid that was this big and it had a little sink and everything.
And the grandmother was making cookies and all this stuff.
They don't do that anymore.
What was that story you told Ryan about the fucking horrible cunt at the cell phone store?
She was teenable on it.
Let's see you.
See you?
So, yeah, we're waiting there, and she walks in and she's.
So what are you waiting for?
Something legitimate.
You need a new phone or something.
Yeah, we're trying to get Wi-Fi for the new spot.
Okay.
And so she comes in and she greets the dog.
Hello, how you doing?
And that's expected.
But then she says this.
She says, oh, yeah, dogs are better than people anyway.
Oh, because she's looking at your dog.
Yeah.
Well, not ours, but yeah.
Your dog sitting.
Yeah, dog sitting.
My dog.
It's your dog.
How much are we just dribbling information?
I'm watching your dog.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
And then she puts her son on speakerphone and she's like, hi, okay, I'm at Verizon right now.
Mom, they're not going to have it.
Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
So she's at Verizon.
The guy who works at Verizon is on the phone.
Yes.
Taking a call.
So he doesn't come into play yet.
He's been on the phone.
So normal people see the sales guy on a phone call and they go, ah, fuck.
All right.
I guess I'll wait till he's done there.
Yeah.
I hope he's done soon.
They don't get involved.
No, and she's, she does not, whatever she wants to interact with or talk to, that's what she's talking to.
Like, he's on the phone and then fast forward past the whole thing with her son on speakerphone, which is obnoxious.
Like 62.
But why is your son?
You're wearing Lululemons, the little athletic.
Dude, she's not 62.
She looked like fucking old as shit.
But why would she be getting a fully grown for her son?
He's fully grown.
He was like, let's give it like the oldest I could make the son is 23.
Yeah, he's in his 20s.
So the oldest I could give her is maybe she had him at 30.
Yeah.
Because like they did, it's pretty recent having young, having kids when you're old.
So she's 53.
Dude, she looks like absolute shit.
Okay.
But yeah, she was.
That happens when you're a cunt.
Yeah.
So she has no joy in life, and she was doing this little favor what she thought.
She's like, I'm going to pick up your phone.
And then she puts him on speakerphone for what reason?
I mean, you could just do this.
And then the son, like, starts not cursing her out on the phone, but just giving hate to her.
He's like, mom, it's not going to be there till tomorrow.
Why are you there?
And it's almost about to close, blah, blah, blah.
He's like, okay, well, I'm doing you a favor.
He's like, no, mom, that's fucking stupid.
And then she takes him off speakerphone.
And she's like, no, a lot of things are stupid, but I don't think this is stupid.
I'm doing you a favor.
And then she goes up to this poor guy who's on the phone with his boss.
He's been trying to figure out this computer thing.
We've been sitting there just patiently, not talking to the guy because he's on the phone.
And she's like, Paul, right?
Is your name Paul?
Are you going to be here tomorrow?
He's like, hold on one second.
Yeah, I won't be here tomorrow, blah, blah, blah, blah.
She's like, okay.
And then, so that's an interruption that lasts longer than what I just did.
And then on her way out, she turns around.
She's like, by the way, Paul, he's still on the phone.
She's like, I just want that you should get a break soon because you're working very hard.
All right, Paul.
Because they people, she's like talking on the phone.
Now I'm mad at you.
Why?
Should I have said something?
Yes.
You got to bring out your inner Larry David.
That's on the phone.
He's on the phone.
And you're phone calling.
You don't call her a pitch or a cunt or anything.
Or you could even be even subtler than that and go, I thought he was on the phone.
Is he not on the phone?
Oh, I haven't been talking to him this whole time because I thought he was on the phone.
I guess he's...
Couldn't you say something?
Isn't he?
Or you could have been like, isn't he on the phone right now?
That is very Larry David.
You know, I've been watching too much Sopranos, so if I did channel anything that's inspired, that wouldn't have been very good.
You're on the fucking phone.
What the fuck's the matter with you?
Your fucking eyes?
It's like when I confronted those Krusties who let their dog shit in Washington Square.
No, in Tompkins Square Park.
And I said, because I had just seen the episode where we went up to that couple, and the guy had a hat on in the restaurant.
He's like, take off your fucking hat.
Yes.
Why?
What are you going to do?
And he goes, take off your fucking hat.
And the guy goes, oh, shit.
So then I thought, I'm going to do that.
And then they didn't pick up the shit.
I go, go pick up your fucking dog shit right now.
And they go, this is in my book.
And they go, no.
And I go, look at you with your fucking facial tattoos.
We all know you got fucked by your dad.
That's why you got facial tattoos.
Go pick up the shit right now.
And they go, what are you going to do?
I go, I'm going to fucking stab you.
And then I reach in my pocket where I have no knife.
This was a bluff.
You have a bluff.
And then he pulls out a tire iron from his backpack.
And I go, uh-oh.
I raise you one.
I'll take your non-existent knife and raise you a tire iron.
And I'm like, all right, I hope I can block it.
And then their stupid dog on a rope, because you know the crusties, they pretend like they're so poor they can't afford a leash.
Meanwhile, a rope, getting a rope around a dog, that's more complicated than a leash.
You probably get a leash for a dollar.
And then the dog runs away.
Pancake.
And they both go, pancake, pancake, and they go chasing the dog.
Dang.
Thanks, dude.
I owe you one.
By the way, God...
You thank God and dog.
So that's a palindrome thank you right there.
This is the scene, by the way.
I don't know if I was going to cut you off with this.
Oh, you found it.
Not everyone can pull this off.
I would have killed his coach to stick around until my kid graduates.
Then let him stay four years for Chiara.
I think he only says it once and then just stands there until the guy gets it.
I'm not going to fucking repeat myself.
That would be great.
How come I don't have this grabby toss?
Take your hat off.
No customers.
Excuse me?
They don't sell hot dogs here.
They took the bleachers out two years ago.
It's my hat.
I'll wear it where I want.
Guido Jedi mind tricking.
These are not the hat you're looking for.
I'm stronger now if you strike me down than I will be alive.
I'm talking to Krusties who got raped by their dad.
They have to fight other junkies every night to stay alive.
I show up 5'10 and a half with wrinkled eyes.
I'm drunk, and I'm like, I'm going to stab you, eh?
Speaking of God, by the way, I love God.
I'm a huge fan of him.
Dude, Jesus fucking Christ.
Or more specifically, your son.
Do you not get jokes?
When we said Saint Floyd, we were kidding.
We were making fun of George Floyd.
God took it totally, literally, seriously and fucking blasted this mural with a lightning strike.
Dude, what are you, Jordan Peterson?
Ever heard of a joke?
Chill the fuck out.
He is no saint.
True.
We know he's not a saint.
That's the joke, dude.
Ever heard of irony?
Ever heard of sarcasm?
Calm the fuck down.
We're on your side.
We hate him, too.
He's not literally Saint Floyd.
You fucking acapi.
Hey, fucking.
You think we fucking really made it with Saint?
That's a false idol.
Yeah, it would be if we were serious.
God, God.
All right, let's start taking some calls then.
You ready for some calls?
How much...
We got a letter, by the way, in the mailbag where someone was asking Maddie, how much do you think you've spent on legal fees in your entire life?
By the way, the bar lights are on.
Is that bad?
No, it's looking fine.
Over six figures.
$100,000.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
So, not a million.
Not a million.
Over six figures, though.
So let's say $120,000?
Around there.
For me to talk to my attorneys now, or anything, I have to give them a $30,000 retainer just to sit down and talk and discuss the case.
And you're never getting that back.
No.
No one ever goes, oh, this turned out to be a lot simpler than I thought.
Here's $29,000.
Yeah.
No, it's the $30,000 retainer just to sit down and talk.
What the fuck?
I don't get in trouble anymore.
$2 trillion to $389,000.
So that's $30,000 in the bank.
Do you think you will get in trouble again?
I don't have a magic ball.
I don't have a crystal ball, but I would hope not.
Well, it really comes down to your temper, really.
Yeah.
Because you're not doing drugs or selling guns or anything, so it would just be you getting in a fight.
I've changed my ways.
Took you long enough.
Yeah.
Well, it took 49 years.
All right, we got calls for Maddie and Gav.
They're going to be.
Two bikers.
Fucking coming true, real fucking tricks.
Just kidding.
Don't kill me, bikers.
I'm fucking making fun of myself, okay?
All right.
They should be coming true.
I hear Fourth Watch is disbanding.
What the hell is that?
Fourth Watch is like not a real biker gang.
It's a bunch of like law enforcement guys and ER.
I like them.
They seem cool, but they're not bona fide like bikers.
They're LE Club.
What do they call an LE Club?
They're winding it down.
They're calling it LE Club?
Law enforcement club.
If you're in a law enforcement motorcycle gang, it's kind of admitting that you always wanted to be a criminal.
And you've admired them all this time.
Yeah, I mean, the legal definition of gang is three or more people with the same insignia.
The cops are a gang.
The Teamsters are a gang.
Insane clown posse.
All right, yeah.
Three or more people with the same insignia.
Lincoln Park.
Rocket from the Crypt let you come to their shows free if you have a Rocket from the Crypt tattoo.
Nice.
That's a gang.
You are on the air.
This is a fucking loser.
You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen.
Understand why.
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It's great hearing from you.
Bye-bye.
All right, next call.
That's the best one we have.
It's fantastic.
And that song is great.
Did someone write that song?
By the way, I meant to mention this earlier.
So Ryan's moving all day, right?
Moving boxes, sweating upstairs.
And moving sucks because it's not just like working out where you lift something like this.
You've got to lift it like around a thing up.
Oh, it's got to go vertical, vertical.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, stop, stop.
I can't.
No, no, stop.
Put it down, put it down, put it down.
There's nowhere to put it down.
It's going to crush someone's foot.
So it's the worst kind of workout you can do.
It's really awkward.
I assume it's what gay sex is like.
One more thing about it, too, is that when you, I could lift like 200-something pounds, like deadlift it, but not in the position where you have to lift it off.
And you don't want to damage the walls and lose your security deposit.
60 pounds picked up incorrectly is worse than 200 pounds reggi.
Agreed.
True.
Like that fucking marble thing.
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
It's like a base to a lamp thing.
It's a nice lamp, though.
But Ryan decides, I don't know where you got this from, but he decides that he should look nice on the day that you lift shit all day.
I'm the one.
Yeah, I know.
So he wears like jeans.
It's 85 degrees.
Jeans and like a little dress shirt.
That's just how I roll.
Just sweat like this.
I was inspired by...
Alright, so you know Hollowed.
Sweat.
Hollowed Dan from Hollowed.
Yes.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Get out of my way.
So he came over and he sang, boom, boom.
Oh, wait.
Bed, bed, bed, bed.
I'm going to move it for you.
So he helped me Move this bed from my girl's apartment, and I was inspired by his look.
He wore fucking like thick dress pants, a long-sleeved shirt, and he was just misery.
He was miserable.
So you saw him suffer from his terrible decision, and you thought.
I was like, How bad can that be?
I think it'll be cute.
I'm also retarded.
I should do a retarded thing like that guy.
He's not retarded.
Let me go get my corduroy suit.
It's 90 degrees out.
Put a sweater on.
Brown corduroy.
I'm kind of a punk, so I just do a corduroy.
Not bad.
Okay.
Thank you.
All right, here's Tranny Game.
This guy's calling about.
You're on the line.
Yo.
Hey, Tranny Game.
Hey, Tranny Game.
No, that's not me, but a couple episodes mentioned how you think that gamers and trannies have some sort of connection.
And I had that exact same thought.
I actually work a little bit in games, and I have a bunch of friends who are game developers.
And man, some of these teams I worked on, one of them would say that they're trans.
And then all of a sudden, like four or five of them on this team would say that they're trans too, and it would just spread like this virus.
And I think Sargon calls them trans trenders or something, but I just don't know what's up with it.
But they just, I think it's like you said, when you play this game, you see these chicks in these games that they're, they're butch.
You know, you could be a butch and a chick.
And so now these dudes, these effeminate gamer dudes, start deciding, you know what?
Maybe I am a purple-haired chick, actually.
Like, I don't want to be the, oh, that's rock and roll and these video games and these comic books polluting kids.
But something must, like, video games have exploded at the same time that the trans thing has exploded.
And in video games, you're a chick for hours and hours and hours with a gorgeous ass.
Oh, yeah, no, people get really into that role-playing stuff, and they'll identify with these characters to a weird point.
I mean, that's also why people are like weirdly into Harry Potter and shit, too.
It's like you spend so much time in these random nerd culture things, and you just start, it subsumes your identity.
Remember the Avatar Blues?
Are you familiar with that?
I am not, but I'll look it up.
In the movie Avatar, so these people would love.
Oh, yeah, the blue people.
Okay, yeah.
And they got so addicted to the movie that when it was over, they would get in this sort of like separation anxiety, and they felt like they'd get depressed because they're no longer in the fucking movie.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Which is embarrassing.
Weird.
All right, thanks for calling.
Weird.
Also, no, you get one thing.
This group has even come up with a three-step.
I like that term.
Trans trender.
Trans trender.
Yep.
Oops.
It becomes kind of fascist where, like with younger girls and stuff, when they're 12, it's like, I'm trans, she's trans.
Why aren't you trans?
It's a trend.
Be trans, bitch.
Trans trender.
You better fucking be trans.
Oh, okay, I'm trans.
Or we're going to say that your parents rape you.
If you're not trans, you're gay.
Auto screen failed?
This is a 909 number.
Coming in hot.
Oh, big fucking titch.
Big fucking titch.
What's up, Gav?
Hey, man.
What's up, Ryan?
Hey, guys.
What's up, new Maddie?
What's going on, guys?
Nice to see you on the show, dude.
Thank you.
He's a regular name.
Yeah, that's great.
I like him.
I think he's like a good buffer between you and Ryan.
He got a lot of buffers.
He's also a bad man.
The thing you have to know about Matty is he's not a good guy.
Like, he'll stand by you.
He'll never stab you in the back, but he'll kill somebody someday.
He'll stab you in the front if you broke with him.
But he's the guy that he's bad, but he does gardening too, you know?
Yeah, sure.
That's true.
Okay, fine.
Hey, so this is my question.
It's kind of an open, open question or assessment.
I don't know how to lay this out exactly, but are the sort of bicultural culture is bicultural culture production over?
Like, do people who tend to have more conservative values, do we just all have to go down south?
Like, start our own record labels, art galleries, make new movies, start our own Netflix?
Like, is this what's going to happen?
Because I've been dabbling in these things, and it just, I don't know, man.
It seems like undoable.
It's undoable.
And I don't know about moving.
Like, I live in one of the most liberal places on earth, and I have my MAGA dad chat with like all the local dads who's sometimes their wives have Hey Does No Home here signs on their lawn.
And I found that enclave.
I got more fucking MAGA than I know what to do with in my super liberal town.
So I don't know if like I want to move because I'm sick of this shit, but I don't have to move.
But as far as like art and comedy and all that stuff, yeah, I think it's an American divorce.
Like is Milo ever going to be on mainstream TV ever again in a million years?
I don't think so.
Is Sam Hyde ever going to be anywhere where you don't have to sign up with your credit card and he's not banned?
I don't think so.
I think the pendulum is going to swing back, but, you know, I don't have a crystal ball, as Maddie would say.
I think that the pendulum will swing back, but there are certain irreconcilable differences that we will never get over.
I don't think we'll fully recover from this ever.
You know, divorced couples become friends.
Maddie's good with his ex-wife.
Absolutely.
But they're never getting back together.
No, that's long gone.
They can coexist.
So we can, I think there's hope that we can coexist, but we're never getting back together.
It's over.
It's going to be what it was.
So what do you think?
How do you think that plays out then?
I mean, this is kind of short Term, isn't it?
Like, it's not long term, it's short term.
I mean, like, most of these people, you mentioned any hints of having conservative values or whatever.
And I mean, I had a guy today just chase me down an aisle in the hardware spell saying, You're a fool, you're a fool.
And it's like, why?
Because you don't have a mask?
No, we don't.
He was talking shit about prices were going up and in general.
And then he started saying, I knew where he was going, but I just wanted to push buttons.
And he's like, oh, but that Trump idiot.
And I was like, oh, sorry, sir.
I'm a supporter.
I didn't realize you were going that direction.
I just wanted to talk to you because I need to help you.
But that's it.
And then the guy just, he's like, you're a fool.
You're a fool.
Anyhow, I mean, if that's happening on a national stage in more extreme versions throughout the country, I mean, holy fuck.
I mean, the tactics are just going to up the ante.
I don't know.
So it's Trump's fault that lumber is more expensive right now, and it's Trump's fault that we're facing inflation?
Well, that's the thing.
It's like, it's the thing.
It's like, I think it's illogical to just, but that's like, but for a lot of people, I feel like that's like a quick answer, you know?
Yeah, it's sort of like the South African thing where they said, yeah, the riots in South Africa are because of post-apartheid inequity.
Like, we're always on the hook for your problems.
And the thing now that struck my curiosity and interest right now in society is that, and this is something maybe you should have a delve into, is like, what happens when conservative or the right wing becomes popular?
Like, when it becomes trendy to just convert, you know, what happens then?
Does that become problematic?
Like, where do we preserve those values?
And I don't know.
I don't know what you mean.
When it becomes trendy to be conservative, that's bad.
No, I'm not saying it's bad, but I think people will use it as a sort of a marketing thing or to popularize their brands.
Let's cross that bridge when we come to it.
If wanting less government and not kowtowing to every fucking woke meme, it becomes trendy and Coca-Cola tries to fucking steal it, I don't give a shit.
We'll get there one day.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
It's a strange phenomenon because my wife was crying the other day, going, what's going to happen to our kids?
They won't get into school because of your name and all this stuff.
And I was like, the pendulum's going to swing back.
I was obsessed with that Chicago college kid who was just on the subway going home and then a bullet just goes through his head because there was a gang fight down there on the street.
You know, the Chicago subway's up high, I believe.
Yeah.
And just up killed him.
And surely that makes normal Americans, I don't care what your politics are, go, okay, this is out of fucking control.
What were you saying about Cuomo, Maddie?
Oh, they held a press conference yesterday.
And he had Adams, the Democratic mayor runner-up.
And the Brooklyn president, the borough president for Brooklyn, what's her name?
Myra Richardson, I believe.
And she's the one who said that Cuomo had to he doesn't have the right or he's not entitled to be in office anymore and everything.
And they grilled her about it.
And she actually pushed Cuomo out of the way.
I said, I got this.
And she blasted the post reporter saying that you were a big opponent of his.
She's like, politics is politics and business is business.
We got to get shit done.
But I believe she's the one who said that we needed to fund the police and she's going to hire a private security for her.
Right.
So the only hope to win the mayorship is to be anti-crime in New York.
Eric Adams was a cop, so they think he's anti-crime.
But Cuomo doesn't come across as anti-crime.
No.
If she's in bed with Cuomo or going back on her word, then she looks bad.
And Eric Adams looks bad for being with him.
So he's losing Democratic votes.
And he said, somebody in the crowd asked him a question.
They said, well, how do you feel?
You said at one point prior to winning the Republican nominee that you didn't want an endorsement from Cuomo.
And he turns around and he goes, well, I didn't get an endorsement from him today.
He said that he would work with me.
This all bodes well for Curtis Shilla.
Sleeway, yeah.
Like I said, we spoke earlier and I said, you know, if Cuomo's part of the reason he's, you know, he did the bail reform and he's helped create this climate in New York where there's so much gun violence and there's so much crime.
You know, the police have to stand down.
They can't grab him.
They can't do certain whole, like, can't do their jobs.
So if he's trying to say, I'm going to be tough on crime, he's up there with Cuomo and this other one who wants to fund the place.
You're not going to get the vote.
Because people in New York are tired of the violence.
Let's settle this pronunciation.
Because I could have sworn I heard him pronounce it Shliwa.
Shliwa.
Curtis Sliwa.
But with a sh.
Like a Shliwa.
S-I-L-W-A, I believe.
Sliwa.
Shilwa.
He adds a sh.
Shliwa.
Maybe that's his accent, but it's Sliwa.
I'm pretty sure it's Sliwa.
Look it up, Ryan.
Do they pronounce big names?
Or is it only words in the dictionary?
Oh, you want to actually see...
Curtis Lewiwa.
See how you pronounce it?
I mean, I guess...
No, just look up.
Pronounce Curtis Sliwa.
Maybe he's got that New York thing, Schliwa.
Oh, he's got a heavy name.
Curtis Sleewa.
One more time?
Curtis Sleewa.
Sliwa.
Yeah, so I must be hearing his New York accent do like just shriek.
Oh, he lays it on thick.
Talking about altering your voice in bands and stuff like that.
He lays it on thick.
But it is his accent.
He was born and raised in Coney Island and Manhattan.
He's done it before, and he'll do it again.
Protecting our families, cleaning up our streets, and bringing this to the bottom to life.
Curtis will refund the police.
Sole ID.
Sole identity.
We are in this together.
I got a crazy theory for you.
Want me to blow your fucking mind?
Sure.
Dana White can't fight.
I've never seen him in a fight.
Nobody has.
And he says he's a boxer.
Box Rec has your files down.
It has your record if you got into an altercation while you were sleepwalking with your baby brother.
If you sneezed in a boxing ring one.
Yeah, yeah.
Sleftwalked and punched his brother when he was six.
Over two.
Over two.
I mean, he looks like he's in somewhat decent shape.
I mean, you know, he presents himself as somebody who can take care of himself, but, you know.
I also think a lot of people that are black aren't black.
Like, obviously there's Sean King and stuff, but I don't think Rosa Parks is black.
And I don't think Tyrus is black.
The guy from Red Eye, maybe that you're not familiar with that?
Yeah, I know who you're talking about.
One, the big tell with people who aren't black but are known as blacks is their hair is always kooky and Tyrus either has little poo Cheeto dreads or something.
He never just has like a normal fro that's like, oh, it's COVID.
I didn't get out much.
Here's my normal fro.
You're going to pick it out?
He doesn't have that.
Because he's not black.
That's right.
We're calling you out.
It's just a guess.
All right, let's take another call.
This is him.
And yes, let's take another call.
Let's see your hair there, Tyrus.
Oh, a mohawk.
Like, that guy's got some...
Oh, no, maybe he doesn't.
Look at that.
Wow, your afro sure spikes nice.
It's not easy to get spikes with an afro.
A lot of product.
Crazy go.
I think that, like, Hispanic is more black than him.
Jason wants to talk about race and press.
Yeah, hey, dudes.
Hey, man.
So, yeah, I had a question, and I'll hang up after this because it's kind of hard to hear on the phone.
Hard to hear Maddie.
But I had a question for Maddie.
So I was watching a documentary about prison, and I think it was on the border.
And it was in like a giant gymnasium kind of thing.
And they had the Mexicans, the Mexican-Americans, they had the black people, and they had the white people.
And they show a black guy walking into this gymnasium, and he just says to the closest guy, he's like, where's my people?
And they just point him to the back, and it's just to his, all the black people.
When you go to prison, is that the case?
Do you just go to whoever your skin color is, basically?
Pretty much, but there's a big difference.
That was in the California State penal system.
I know the show you're talking about.
And out there, it's a lot more regimented between races.
Like, you don't interact with others other than outside of your job or stuff like that, where you're forced to be in the institution.
So it's blacks, Hispanics, whites.
Is there Asians?
Yeah.
And is there like Arabs?
Native Americans?
Native Americans?
Yeah, everyone stays with their kind.
Like, you'll have a black TV, a Spanish TV, and a white TV.
And in that same documentary, there was only like 12 white guys in the whole gymnasium.
I mean, it was just a huge open gymnasium with bunk beds that were just in rows.
It says open dormitory.
Who has more animosity, blacks versus Hispanics or whites versus blacks?
In that one particular episode, I believe it was the Spanish and the whites that had gone at it.
And all the white guys got there.
I mean, they were beat up, I mean, knocked unconscious and everything.
The white guys lost.
But you had to stand there and fight because if you ran away, you're going to be ostracized.
You're going to get beat up by white guys.
When it happens like that, you just got to do what you got to do.
Hope for the best.
What's the smallest group of types of people?
I would say Japanese.
Asian is the smallest?
Oh, shit.
I would say Asian.
Not that I plan on going.
But the Asians, do they have their own little thing?
Everyone has their own little thing.
Like, you know, unless people are gamblers and stuff like that, they'll sit down at the gambling table.
You're going to have an Italian guy, an Asian guy, Spanish guy.
They're all, they gamble.
That's their, you know, inside.
Like, stuff like that.
In New York State, it's not as racially divided.
No, not as bad.
I mean, you still kind of, it's still like that, but not no aspect.
Could you have a black best friend?
No as near as that.
Could you have a black best friend?
I mean, I was pretty friendly with, but, you know, because I taught these certain classes, I line judge volleyball.
You know, it's just stuff to keep busy.
You're going to interact with them.
My job.
But you were friends with zero booty bandits.
No booty bandits.
No booty bandits.
They're out there, though.
It's a real thing.
Next call.
Rocky.
Fuck you.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, man.
Oh, this is what I want to talk about.
I work at a grocery store, and I'm in Florida.
Food stamps are crazy out of control.
These people come in a lot all throughout the day.
And they do two separate transactions where they pay for food, cigarettes, all sorts of stuff, you know, in cash.
And on their EDT card, it's not just food, I mean it's food, but Twinkies, Doritos, like you can get any kind of food you want.
And it's crazy.
It's like not even like, oh, they need sandwiches for their kids.
It's like all sorts of stuff.
And they have money aside for wine and beer.
Crazy.
Yeah, it is nuts.
You know, especially these days, I've been talking to plumbers and contractors, and they cannot get anyone to come to work.
They have no guys.
No one's available.
And they'll come to the meeting and they'll say, I'd like to work here.
And they go, oh, great.
Let's start like right now.
Let's start tomorrow, okay.
And then they don't show up.
They only went to the meeting to check the box.
I heard a story today with a contractor where these Colombians, and thanks for calling by the way.
These Colombians are working for him.
Now, what every contractor does in New York, I don't know about other states, I assume it's the same everywhere, is you're on the books Monday to Friday.
It's cash on Saturdays.
So they come in, they work.
Everyone fucking does this.
So the Colombians stopped coming in Monday to Friday because they were getting welfare.
And they said, why bother coming in if I'm getting all this free shit?
And it went on and on.
So the guy who had been working with them for years, 10, 20 years, he's a steel guy.
He goes, you know what?
I'm going to fucking report you assholes if you don't come to work at some point.
My business is dying because you're on fucking welfare.
It's fake.
You don't need the money.
I've had enough of this shit.
They report him for giving them cash on Saturdays.
Tax evasion.
He now has to pay them time and a half retroactively for all the Saturdays.
He's in a whole, and now he is in a whole new tax bracket because he pays Saturdays on the books.
His whole life has changed.
His company is not over.
I don't know.
I don't think it's over, but it's a totally different company now.
Where he was like, I don't know, upper middle class.
Now he's fucking broke because they ratted him out.
From, I think, June 25th to the following week, they did like a survey of people that were on unemployment and 13% had refused jobs or their prior jobs just flat out said no because I'm making too much money.
We're Scottish.
We don't like not working.
I don't even really like holidays.
Like you sit, especially my wife, she wants to go to a beach.
I fucking hate the beach.
But even when you go on a holiday, you're sort of like, okay, the kids fish.
That's fun.
We did that.
And then around like 1 p.m., you're sort of like, I got to check my email.
Or what are we doing here?
Like, should we start, let's barbecue?
That's going to be at 5.
1 to 5 is sort of this dead zone.
You can read for a bit.
I don't know.
Like, New York State, I think at the time, was $403 was the max you can get unemployment a week.
No matter if you made $12,000 or $100,000.
The most you were getting was $403.
And then the federal benefits came in when COVID hit, and they offset it.
So they were getting an extra $300 a week from the feds, which is due to end in September.
So they're getting $703 a week to do nothing.
Okay, so most people work 50 hours a week, right?
I mean, 50 weeks a year.
Yeah.
So 700 times...
Oh, this is embarrassing.
It's going to be $35,000.
Yeah, $35,000.
Yep.
Well, if you figured, if you're taking home $700, $703, if you were on the books, you were probably making like $1,200, $1,300 before taxes.
Right.
And you have to be up to what?
About $500,000.
It's no longer transportation to work.
It's no longer lunch.
Right.
You know, all these other costs.
No expenses of commuting.
Yeah.
So let's say $35,000.
Let's say your normal daily costs are like five or six.
We're up to $42.
And then it's tax-free.
So to make $42,000 in your pocket, you probably got to make like $65,000.
So now, if you're not paying me $65,000 a year, or even more than that, it's not going to be like, I'm not going to come to work for even.
So it's got to be like $75,000 a year, which is almost, well, the average American salary is $50,000.
So it's the average American salary plus half.
If I remember correctly, I think the feds at the beginning of the pandemic were given like $600 on top of what you were getting from the state.
And then I think when things transitioned towards the ends of Trump's presidency, he cut it down to $300.
And now it's going.
It's supposed to end in September.
But we'll see.
I hope so.
I hope so, too.
That could be a flood of money for everybody.
I like you know many people that need workers and they're desperate for people skilled labor.
We're going to Cooperstown with my kid.
He's made it to the finals, his team.
And the plumber guy can't come.
He goes, I might be able to make it to one game, but he goes, I have no guys.
He's got to work.
He goes, I used to have six or seven guys.
I have two now.
What?
What a strange predicament to be in as a country.
And you see it everywhere.
You see, we're hiring.
Fucking the cops up in the new Rochelle have these things that we were both talking about this on the back that says, hire me.
NRPDHireMe.com or something like that.
On every patrol car.
Mount Vernon cannot pay gas in their...
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Well, that darn Trump.
Inflation's got Trump.
Inflation's gone up so much for all these relief checks that there was an article, I think it was a day or two ago, about Social Security recipients are getting the biggest boost in like 40 years.
Like what they call COLA cost of living allowance.
It's very like 1%, 2% a year.
They're getting like 6.1% this year to cover inflation.
And being good at that.
Because whatever they get on Social Security, when you retire at 62 or 67, whichever you retire at, it's not going to be worth shit.
Yeah.
The dollar's worth what?
50 cents?
Unfucking believable, kiddies.
I'm going to pour myself a drink.
Let's take another call.
And I'm worried that people can't hear Maddie.
I didn't like what that guy said.
Hello?
Your back is on there, right?
Oh, it's plugged in?
Yeah, it's plugged in.
Don't you have headphones on?
Aren't you hearing him through your headphones?
Well, here's the thing is that the wireless mic system is going into the computer.
So I'm seeing the levels.
They both look nice and clean.
Hello, check, check.
He's actually clipping a little bit, like he's loud.
Okay.
But yeah, through the soundboard, he sounded nice and good with that boom mic.
I hate you.
I just watched these yesterday.
Let's see.
We got...
You're a monkey bastard.
so who do we got here?
Steven and Anthony Santana.
It says yo, what's up, my black brothers?
Yo, what's up?
What's up?
What's up?
Yo, what up, y'all?
I called last week and I brought Anthony Santana to your attention, and he said his glasses make you turn, make the person, whoever is looking at them, turn into Mike Tyson.
So would you be surprised that there's YouTube videos of him crying to music?
Would you like to see this?
Yes, please.
Mike Tyson.
So, Ryan, just type in Anthony Fantano crying.
I think it's the second video.
It's like a minute and 12 seconds long.
It's cold.
It's hilarious.
Crying to music.
Okay.
We got it bottled up here.
It's better be good.
Quite great.
All right.
Every time Anthony Fantano cried or almost cried during a video, that's it, right?
Yeah, that's it.
All right.
Oh, I like that one.
Three down.
Mike Kai memes.
Yeah, I like when guys look up so oh, yeah, tears don't fall down.
That's true.
Thanks for calling, sir.
Thanks for calling.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
He's watching himself cry.
This is a new level of megalomania.
Watching yourself cry and then commenting on your crying.
Everyone, Anthony Fantano here, Internet's busiest music nerd.
Hope you are doing well.
Let's give some thoughts and some opinions on during moments like these.
This whole, you know, crying meme has been doing over and over again.
I'd rather just see him cry that Mac Miller tracker I bit of baseline.
Moments too of, you know, laugh.
Oh, you know what?
What do you think?
This fucking guy.
You know what he did?
What?
He didn't like that that existed for good reason.
And then he fucking puts out a video.
Yeah, that's from his channel.
He puts out every time with the clickbaityest, most clickbait title ever.
It sounds like what you want to see.
And it's not that.
And it's just a little copy.
He's just talking the whole time, right?
That's kind of smart, though, dog.
Yeah.
Shit.
Fantanto Christ a Weezer.
This is what we want to see.
That's right.
I think I'm liking it more than the white album so far.
You know?
I think I'm carrying more than the camera.
I think at this point in his career, you know, Rivers certainly still is showcasing some lyrical shortcomings for sure.
But...
Lyrical shortcomings.
Still your lyrics.
The instrumentation and production are great.
I just want to see him cry.
And the hooks are crazy.
It's like boxing.
You just want to see the knockout.
I feel bad about what I just said.
Good.
Because those are easily some of the best lyrics I think I've heard on a Weezer song in a long time.
Okay, just find me the tears!
I don't think his girlfriend would want to watch him listening to music.
Why would anyone else?
Oh my god.
You just burp.
I'm sorry.
That tracks a lot.
I think that tracks a lot.
I think that tracks a lot.
I think that sucks a lot.
Waste of time.
That just gave me the opposite of a boner.
You know what we should do just briefly?
Let's have a quick look at the mailbag.
We can little twist.
We can absolutely snood at.
I was considering making Thursday night.
What's up?
I was considering making Thursday nights just Maddie and I go through the mailbag.
And I maybe should have done that.
Mailbag for the first half and then calls for the second half.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Questions for Mikey Odell.
Love the addition of Mike.
His free speech video with the G-Dog was awesome.
There's a badass tough guy, charmed to him.
Also, he has great insight in the justice system.
And then he asked, oh, this is the one I already asked about how much you end up paying in legal fees.
How do you, you don't, you don't have 30 grand to throw around.
Not anymore, no.
At one point in my life, I did.
So what would you do?
What would you do if you were facing legal aid or whatever?
I'm going to try not to get in trouble, but if it does happen, yeah, I would have to rely on the legal aid system.
Well, that's going to beg my old lawyer and say, please help me out.
I don't know.
I don't know.
That's what I told Max and John.
Their sentence was already set in stone when they went to court.
So you might as well just have legal aid and not fucking have to pay for it.
Yeah.
Because there's no way they were going to win.
Another great take from 4chan.
Hey, Gavin and Supreme Leader of the Fag Zone.
Here's a screen cap from 4chan similar to with the caveman pretending to be a woman, the actual woman being a woman effortlessly.
This is so perfect.
What a great picture.
She has natural cave instincts.
She's wary of what she's looking at.
You know what a woman is.
You see this bizarre creature.
You can tell it's a man.
And you feel unsafe.
I'm convinced that babies and toddlers are just in a constant state of don't kill me.
That's even why they like such shitty food, like bread and nuggets and stuff, because they don't want any adventurous food that might poison them.
She looks very weary.
Yeah, I don't.
I don't know what's going on here.
Something's not right.
And it's not even like, I don't like you.
It's like, I'm not safe right now.
Yeah.
And like, why are you smiling that hard at me?
I'm not doing anything.
Yeah, I gotta get out of here.
And I don't like that my mom is smiling too.
Does she not have my back?
South Africa.
I'll keep recommending you watch Africa Blood and Guts 1966 on YouTube until you do.
Especially in the light of the current state of South Africa.
It's like a documentary on how shitholes are made.
But I think South Africa started going down the tubes after apartheid, which was 82.
Are you pulling up the movie?
Just jump in the middle somewhere.
We're creating new racisms into the new exploiters, East and West, who spread false promises so they can increase their own profits or power.
So it's all about how evil South Africa is?
The Arab leaders have escaped to the mainland with the Sultan.
These are Zanzibar's poor Arabs.
Thousands and thousands of people.
We'll check it out sometime.
Hey, Gavin Rye, first I want to commend you on continuously improving an already great piece of entertainment.
Sick.
I mean, we have Mikey Odell.
Of course, Mikey.
How do you feel about that?
Mikey, he likes it.
Mikey likes anything.
It occurred to me the other day while prousing through your whole website.
The website's fantastic.
Oh, that's very nice, which is part of the appeal of the show.
Every time I see compliments like this, I'm like, all right, where's the zinger?
If I want to watch GML, I click on it and bam, I'm watching it.
If I want to watch the latest former AIU episode, it's easy to find, easy to watch.
If I want a deer-censored, easy as pie.
It may sound weird, but I notice often how shitty and difficult to navigate.
People make their own websites.
The other thing I wanted to get your opinion on is census.
I don't know what it's like in the USA, but I live in a social shellhole, Canada, in brackets, Vancouver, and I've been getting hassled by some cunt several times a day by phone.
Several times a day?
I don't think I know why.
And every day she buzzes my apartment to get me to fill out my census.
They keep sending me letters and threatening to fine me $500 for not fulfilling my quote-unquote legal obligation.
I don't really care that much, but now I don't want to do it simply because they are so adamant that I fill it out.
I feel the same way about the census.
Just leave, just go somewhere else.
As we have learned in the last several years, whenever the government is trying very hard to force you into something, nefarious intentions are afoot.
Am I right or just being a paranoid fuckhead?
P.S. I heard Maggie Longclaus is pregnant.
Oh, I just totally ignored the census and they never bothered me.
You want to know a funny thing in New York State about census and prisons?
They would, like, say we're Bear Hill, up in the Clinton Hub.
You know, it's way up in Governor.
Yeah, that's where John Kinsman is.
They would count the inmate population as people that were living in the town so they could get more money until the inmates found out and had an upward.
They're like, we don't live here.
I live in the Bronx.
I live in Brooklyn.
I live in Queens.
I live in Westchester.
So they no longer count prisons, prisoners in the census of what towns they're in.
To get more money for the towns, they said they have, you know, boost the population by 1,200 people.
So it's financial.
That must be what's going on with this guy.
Oh, yeah.
Well, why do you think prisons are in these remote areas?
You create jobs.
Yeah.
I notice in upstate New York, and this isn't far, I'm talking about like where our old place was in Berryville, near Fort Jervis sort of area.
And you go into a restaurant and everyone is so broke up there that the COs were like the mafia.
I don't mean the mafia in that they were criminal, but they were revered.
So a CO would be at a restaurant and all the waiters were clamoring around him.
He got his food first because he would bleed the tips because he's the only one making any money there.
Just criminals and COs.
Guaranteed money.
This was near Monticello.
So what's up there that's gambling?
We're all over New York State.
No, no, but what prison is by Monticello?
Monticello by Liberty.
You have like Mid-State.
There was a prison up there where they were all, and it was just weird because, you know, in Manhattan, you'd see a CO as like a blower, blue-collar kind of a job.
There, they're like the fucking Liberace of the town.
New York is gazillion millionaires, and it's not uncommon.
In the sense that...
Sorry, catching up with shows, but the state fireworks you should have bought is Maryland, not Pennsylvania.
You pretty much spent $800 on sparklers and Roman candles.
To be clear, I spent $250 and my buddy spent $250, so it was $500 total.
I only spent $250.
If you want the real stuff, which are mortars, you get them in Maryland.
Dude, Maryland is fucking three and a half hours from here.
I'm not driving seven hours from fireworks.
I am never getting to Ohio to recover from.
What?
Ohio.
Get the big stuff.
I'm not going to Ohio.
No.
Why don't Democrats campaign to get everyone valid ID?
This is one of the most intelligent emails we ever got.
Gavin and Ryan, instead of fighting against voter ID requirements in the USA, why aren't Democrats campaigning to ensure everyone has valid ID?
Conservatives should ask this question.
As part of their campaigns, Republicans should offer help to people who might need help getting valid ID to get it.
Providing a helpline and an information website in their ads and even in-person help if requested would not only be investment against the creep of voting fraud, It would also put to bed the claim that Republicans seek to suppress votes.
Good scam, Bri guy.
Not even a scam.
Here's something about that that most people don't understand.
If Democrats are so worried about lower-income communities and poor people or rural people, everyone who's on welfare has to provide ID.
And then you get a state ID from the state you're in that has your picture on it and your name on it, your benefit card.
Done.
So what?
There's your ID.
Well, we were talking about this all day.
Kamala Harris says that rural people can't get to a photocopier.
We have to know who we're talking about here.
Now, your contention is she's a stupid bitch.
But I think there might be another layer there where she knows that's not true.
And she's just saying it because her team, their modus operandi is that we can't have voter registration in rural areas.
Because it's bad for her because rural people tend to vote Republican.
So the million-dollar question is, when she says this shit, does she know it's bullshit or is she a fucking idiot?
Good clip right here.
It's phony as hell.
I don't think that we should underestimate what that could mean.
Because in some people's mind, that means, well, you're going to have to Xerox or photocopy your ID to send it in to prove you are who you are.
Well, there are a whole lot of people, especially people who live in rural communities, who don't, there's no pinkos, there's no office max near them.
People have to understand that when we're talking about voter ID laws, be clear about who you have in mind and what would be required of them to prove who they are.
Sometimes the complaints will be false.
What's a photocopier?
I don't know.
What?
The best part right here where she's talking, she says, yeah, of course, people have to prove who they are.
Don't they?
I was like, Kinko, there's an office max near them.
People have to understand talking about voter ID laws.
Be clear about who you have in mind and what would be required of them to prove who they are.
Of course, people have to prove who they are.
What?
What?
But not in a theory.
Almost impossible for them to prove who they are.
She's bullshitting.
You're making it.
But she's a retard.
She can't even do her bullshitting right.
She just contradicts herself by accident.
Like when Obama said, we got women out there making 18 cents or whatever it was, 82 cents for every dollar a man makes.
Now he knows that's because they do less valuable jobs, blah, blah, blah.
He was just saying that because it gets people rolled up.
I don't think he really believes that women get paid less for the same job with the same work.
She knows, her people have said, we have to not have voter registration, so make it look like, come up with something for why rural people can't do it.
And she goes, okay, I will lie.
And then she fucked up her lie by saying, they don't get photocopiers.
They can't prove who they are.
I mean, they have to prove who they are.
So she's an incompetent liar.
Okay, last one, before we get back to calls.
Gavin, what's the crake?
We've got an Irish woman here.
My husband is from Ireland and therefore uncircumcised.
The only peeve I have with him is the massive pistains he leaves on and around the toilet.
It's a miracle that any makes it in the bowl.
Just wondering if he's ridiculously lazy or is that something you unsnipped lads particularly deal with.
I know you think peeing sitting down is emasculating, but when my grandparents traveled full-time in their RV, my granny forced my grandpa to pee sitting down because she was tired of the mess.
He didn't seem to mind.
Yet again, my grandfather is definitely cucked.
Oh, wait, sorry.
Yet again, my grandfather is definitely cucked.
Help me find a solution, and if not, I suppose I'll keep cleaning the toilet daily as a token of my undying love and devotion to my uncircumcised husband.
Love the new studio.
Lady, you've got to pull the foreskin back.
When you pull the foreskin back, it's a circumcised penis instantly, homemade.
So this guy's leaving his foreskin forward, which is like, you know, a hose.
It can be folded in on itself, and it's going to go splattering everywhere.
If you pull your foreskin back, you get one or two drops on the lid, and then you take toilet paper and you go zoop.
Yeah, this guy needs discipline.
I'm sorry.
And sitting down is not an option.
Glasses.
What?
Or glasses.
Everybody?
Okay, let's get back to calls.
I like that we did that.
That feels good.
Trey.
Hello?
You're on the phone?
I can't hear you if I can't hear any audio on the ears for the beef, so I'm going to say what I was going to say, but you got to check out the app Fearbuddy.
It lets you know when people are drinking, and you can take a picture of when you're drinking.
And once you do, it turns on a GPS on your phone so all your friends can see where you are.
So if you get a bunch of buddies to, I don't know, on your friends list, you can let them know when they're drinking, and it'll track you throughout the night.
So yeah, it's a pretty good app.
Sold.
Thanks.
Done.
Let's do it.
What's it called?
I think you said beer buddy.
Did you forget, Ryan?
Beer buddy.
And why can't people hear us?
So I know what happened here.
What happened?
It's fighting to join the road.
See, these are road mics, and then the software is coming up, and it's blocking what it should be coming up, which is just a USB.
So very simple.
Yeah, USB.
That doesn't sound simple.
I don't understand it.
Beer Buddy.
But let's take another call while I look that up.
Okay.
I guess you guys can.
Is it gay that if you and I get this?
I don't know.
That sounds very gay.
Hello?
Hello?
How are you doing?
Sorry.
They said there was going to be a beep when I was on the phone, so I'm just going to go ahead and talk.
I can't hear anything otherwise.
I'm going to restart this.
Apparently there's a new meme that's going around, especially in right-wing circles, called the Sigma Mail Meme.
I sent an email to Ryan in the mailbag called entitled Sigma Mail Meme.
They are extremely antisocial and sociopathic.
So I warn you ahead of time in case you're listening.
They're pretty funny, though.
I don't know if anyone's hearing me right now, but I can't hear anyone talking back.
I know.
But I did hear a beep.
So we got you, sir.
Yeah, let me restart the Skype and search for the Sigma male meme.
That's disappointing, Ryan.
Can they hear us?
Hello?
Hello?
They can hear us on the left.
So what should I do?
Look for this meme or try to fix this?
Look for this meme.
It's 11 o'clock.
Oh, no, we got it.
Or what if I fix this and then while we're talking to somebody, I look for the meme so there's not dead air.
Okay.
This meme sounds like a lot to investigate.
I could read another letter while you fix it.
Okay.
Why does that clock s go f oh, we got three minutes.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we're not fixing it.
Check the meme out.
Okay.
I missed a lot of stuff today.
Sarah Silverman.
Tomorrow we'll be discussing Sarah Silverman, who's glad she doesn't have kids.
I'm glad.
I chose that.
It reminds me of Jen Kirkman saying, I'm glad I'm divorced.
I want to be single.
She's sad.
Jared Holt hates fags.
Also, COVID.
I have a theory that putting everyone inside hurt their immune system.
You hid everyone.
I and Maddie, and Maddie got it, actually.
Yeah, I had COVID.
But we didn't stop going out.
No.
I was going to the local, at the peak, like Nazi fucking cops coming by, threatening licenses.
We would just bring a tool bag to the bar and drink with a power drill in your hand.
Fucking PJ.
We're just parking.
We'd have his little tape measure next to his pint.
I never got it.
I think that.
You were actually at my house the day I went to the hospital.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You and my cousin.
I had to keep that on the D-mail.
You brought me a sandwich.
Oh, yeah.
And Mike bought me pizza.
What was a sandwich again?
Subway.
Italian combo with jalapenos.
Yes.
I think we've done damage to people's health by leaving them sequestered.
Like, I'm basing this on this subscriber who sent in a thing saying that they're seeing all these kids have these major respiratory problems and all kinds of other illnesses, not COVID-related, but their immune system is so shit now because they haven't been socializing.
Haven't been out in the sun.
Vitamin D. I think I heard in Australia they had this thing, my mom told me this, about some dirt pill.
And it's a pill you take.
It's just basically like, not literally dirt, but dirt.
Yeah.
And it's giving your body the little tiny doses of what normal kids got when they played and they would throw worms at each other and catch frogs.
I don't know about you, but when we're a year apart, when we were kids, I would come home and look like I ran through a mud, like filth head to toe.
Playground.
Oh my God.
When you were a kid and you had a bath, and unfortunately, I don't know why we didn't do showers when I was young.
Oh yeah, everything was a bath.
I don't even know if we had a shower.
I can remember getting bathed with my two brothers.
Yeah.
It was in the tub.
That's a Scottish thing.
Yeah.
The shower's right there.
Shower's a great invention.
It goes all over you, and then the dirt's gone.
My mom would have a bath, and then my dad would get in the tub after her, and then I would get in the tub third in their disgusting dead skin filth where they were washing their armpits and their cunts and their balls.
It's cold bathwater now.
Yeah, it's not even hot anymore.
They would sort of drain a bit and put more hot water in it.
And then you're washing in your parents' filth.
What a fucking white trash thing to do.
Hey, I sort of all over the place.
I'm not seeing the Sigma male thing.
I don't care about it anyway.
I've heard about it.
Let's do one last call.
I was looking for the meme instead of the calls.
So let me hook this up.
So this guy, he can't hear us.
Technical difficulties for a change.
Oh, you rebooted Skype?
Yeah.
So you were looking for the meme and rebooting Skype at the same time?
No, it hung up without me doing anything before the meme search of 2021.
Matt, have you ever heard that there's things on a Bonneville that are fake?
Like the thing to change the idling isn't real?
I've definitely changed my idling on this.
Okay.
That's an adjustment on the carburetor.
Yeah.
They say the carburetors are just there for show.
They don't really work.
No, the carburetors are there.
They work.
That's how the moon boy, you know, without the carburetor, the bike's not going to run.
One second.
Not going to get gas into the combustion chamber.
I thought I read somewhere that, like, or maybe it was the carburetor adjuster is just there for show, but I don't see someone in 20...
Well, this was, I think this is a 2020 or something.
I don't really see them in this day and age having fake things on a fucking bike.
No.
We got Mark.
I mean, maybe something cosmetic, but nothing that's functional.
You can't have fake carburetors.
Mark, you're on the line.
Hi, Mark.
Oh, hi, Mark.
Hi.
Luke.
Hello.
Hi.
In the last podcast, we talked about memory issues.
I just wanted to let you know about something.
There are a few different supplements that you need to know.
All right, thanks for calling.
That sounds cool.
I'm interested.
Next call.
Jacob Juice.
Why are millennials such medical experts?
Isn't that a weird thing?
Well, I think.
I guess, no, you know what?
When I was young, when I was 18, it was all about fucking tofu and ginseng, and we had all our shit.
We had our dumb things that make you stronger.
Yeah, there's all kinds of weird roots and shit.
That's like a 20-something, early 20s thing.
Yeah, there is this pretentiousness with us millennials.
Yeah, like I would say.
They fix it with a little bit of kava kava.
Oh my god, Ryan was witty.
I'm going to have a fucking heart attack.
Mission completed.
God forbid.
Okay, let's do one last call that's not about how we need to drink more oxy fucking olive oil to make our stools more solid.
Loose poop.
Kelly, it's a lady.
Hi, am I on?
You're on.
Well, I was hearing you guys talk about voter ID, and then you played that clipbook, Mala Harris.
And it just made me laugh because my husband and I got onto the IRS website to register our 2021 baby who was just born in April.
And they wanted not just a picture of my husband's driver's license, but they wanted his biometric data and to get a release to have his biometric data.
Which I don't know if you guys, I've never heard of biometric data before, but they wanted pictures, they wanted voice recordings, and they wanted him to take a video selfie and do all this to register on the IRS website.
What?
Where are you?
Yeah.
Michigan.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
So my husband was like, fuck that.
We're not doing that.
We'll wait till tax time to get her child tax credit.
So I don't, I'm still confused here.
So you contact the IRS and you go, I want my daughter on the books.
No, no, no.
No, I went on the website.
So you go to the link, the irs.gov.
But why did you go on the website?
The tax credit.
To add my 2021 baby.
So we have 3,600 bucks or whatever that's going on?
Yep.
Right, right.
So if you want your tax credit for your 2021 child who you didn't file your taxes with from last year, which I just had a baby in April, we went online to do that.
And to do that, you have to create an ID on IRS.gov.
And when you open that up, it's not just put an email in and make a password.
They want you to consent to biometric data that you have to give them.
And then they want video selfies, a recording of your voice, and a picture of your driver's license.
Jesus.
It's on the website right here.
I'm glad we waited for this call.
Wow.
That's really what all this is about.
Something you know, something you have, and something you are.
That sounds like creepy all in the sense of.
I took pictures of all the legal mumbo jumbo.
They wanted me to say, yes, I sign off on this.
I took screenshots of all of it, and then I got out of the whole system.
I was like, forget that.
That's crazy.
You know, if you will allow, and they do this in Europe, and I think it's fantastic, you get a microchip put in your hand, and then you just add money to it through your credit card.
And then every time you go on the train, you just scan the chip.
You don't have to deal with money.
Insane.
Right.
Wow, that's fucking disturbing.
Thank you very much for that call.
Congratulations on the baby.
Congratulations on the baby, yes.
Dude, check this out.
That is much more politely.
Look how sneaky this is.
Something you know.
Okay, that's a one little paragraph.
Something you have.
It looks so benign, right?
It's like something borrowed, something blue.
Yeah.
Before we get married.
And then something you have is this long-ass thing.
You're like, okay, I pretty much read everything.
And then just something going on.
It's just this one little fucking smidgeum.
And they don't mention it.
If there's two words that should scare you, it's biometric authentication.
Yeah, that's insanity.
That's the name of this episode now.
Biometric authentication.
Remember that crazy lunatic, Alex Jones, who says all kinds of fucking nutty shit, like the government wants some sort of giant biometric authentication database.
They want biometric authentication so that you can get a child tax credit.
But they don't want you to provide anything when you're voting for the president of the fucking country.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
George Bendover.
Yeah, they can't get to a photocopier.
Blacks can't get ID.
But if you want $3,600, I want your fucking voice blueprint.
And that, by the way, is so they have this incredible database where there's a, it's like minority report.
They have a crime and they see you walking through the subway and they see and then you talk to someone and they record it.
I got to get out of here.
I'm being framed.
There he is.
When I was on terror parole, they would call up, like you'd have to call up.
I used to have to call every day.
And they would have to verify your voice and you would do this whole setup process where they would make you read like paragraphs at a time so that they could record and authenticate your voice so that when you called in, they knew it was really you.
Well, I'm glad you're on the show now because we're all ex-cons now.
Welcome aboard, America.
All right.
You're all criminals.
You're all fucking wards of the state now.
We have a follow-up.
Okay.
The caller, I see in the screen, said, we don't have to take the call necessarily, but he said he sent it to the wrong address.
Here is the Sigma mail meme.
Let's read it.
Let's go.
Theodore Robert Bunding is to our charge.
Looks like Ryan has ruined the show once again.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
We'll look at that another time when we have a little more space.
We had a great ending there where we had this biometric data thing and you jump on with some new meme.
Now that it's ruined.
But that was from the call before I couldn't find.
And I looked, couldn't find it.
By the way, imagine I've been drinking for three hours now.
You're acting like a drunk the way you ruin shows.
I think you're perceiving drunkness.
Somebody talks about your bike too and your fuel injection.
Your side carbs are not real, they're just there for cosmetics.
What are Gavin's bike is EFI electronic fuel injection?
Is that true?
I don't know.
Ask Maddie.
I haven't looked at it.
Ask about your bike.
Yeah, I don't fucking know.
The side carbs.
I haven't looked at it.
Oh.
So the side carbs are fake?
They are not real.
They're just there for cosmetics.
Pretty sure.
This is not a...
This is a boomer.
A Gen Xer, actually.
Yeah, that sounds right.
My side carbs are fake.
And a millennial.
So this is meant to be an homage to the original 1960 whatever guy.
It's like a Cafe Racer style with that front fairing and stuff like that.
Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with that.
Quoting my dad.
All right, guys.
A bit of a mishmash of an ending there, but I still think it was pretty good.
Wow, that's amazing.
Biometric authentication.
Isn't that fucking nuts?
Is that where we're at now?
The real question is, where do we go from here?
Like, you look at South Africa and you go, you're done.
South Africa has no hope.
It's not recovering.
We're going to get Wilhelm Petzer, whatever his name is, on the show, maybe tomorrow.
And talk about it.
Because he's so optimistic.
I shouldn't say optimistic, but he's so determined to stay there and fix his country.
And dude, he goes, I would rather live in a pile of rubble in South Africa than live in a palace in any other country.
Okay.
Well, I think a pile of rubble is your best case scenario at this point if you're going to stay there.
But we're beginning this.
We are South Africa in 1983.
And we're trying to capitulate.
We're trying to be nice.
And it's not working.
Get like the anti-massacres.
Get angry.
Get even.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
You can smile this time we might need to get dark around here.
Real dark around here.
Some of my old friends I can only stand for the weekend.
But that doesn't apply.
Does it apply?
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