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July 2, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:01:50

GOML LIVE #105 - HAPPY CANADA DAY!

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	We stand on guard.
	Remember when I said it's not cool to have retards sing the national anthem?
	Yeah.
	I was right.
	I used to be a much better singer.
	Back in the New York days, in the early aughts, we used to go out to do karaoke like minimum once a week.
	And I got better.
	And even though my wife bought a karaoke machine at the house, and we do it sometimes when we're drunk, sex, I mean, you know, it's gone.
	Singing's hard.
	Let's hear you do that.
	Say, God keep our land.
	God keep our land and the Canada for free.
	And the Canada for free.
	I don't know the word, so I did freak it.
	What are the words?
	Keep Canada free and keep showing us all your video drops on your desktop.
	God, keep our land glorious and free.
	Oh, Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
	Okay.
	One more time.
	God, keep our blurry glorious and free.
	God, keep us free, glorious and free.
	Yeah, God, keep us free.
	Fucking glorious and free.
	I didn't state it enough.
	Like, really, really, really free.
	God, keep us, like, way freer, fuck.
	Keep us like crazy free.
	Have you seen Code?
	God, keep our land glorious and free.
	God keep our land glorious.
	Glorious and free.
	Glory.
	God keep our land glorious and free.
	Yeah, you're better than me.
	Sweet.
	Not at anything but singing and playing shitty guitar that rules.
	Go figure that.
	What else are you better than me at?
	Pooping.
	Or not pooping.
	Controlling when I pee.
	So bowel movements.
	Yeah.
	You're better at bowel movements.
	Right.
	And I'm good at not being good at things.
	You are good at being a loser, I guess.
	That's true.
	So yeah, that's the today is Canada Day.
	Now, it's kind of hard to determine when Canada became independent.
	In America, it's crystal clear.
	1776, in the middle of a war, they said, July 2nd, they said, we're independent.
	And then, like, look at how long the Obamacare site took, how much it cost.
	Not in the good old days.
	Back in the 1700s, they piled together the Declaration of Independence in like three days.
	July 4th.
	But with Canada, it was inexorably tied to Britain.
	We didn't have an American Revolution.
	We just sort of shooed them.
	And then there's different dates, right?
	There's what?
	There's 1867, you could say, 1931, you could say.
	I go with 1982 when I was 12.
	Because that's when they finally said, all right, the queen is not the boss.
	And she goes, I kind of am.
	And they go, you're not.
	And she goes, I am.
	And they went, okay, 1%.
	So even now, it's not, it's only 99% independent of the queen.
	Queen Elizabeth is the queen of Canada and the Queen of England, but they're separate jobs.
	How could she ever do anything like say, I object to that law you guys just passed?
	She can't.
	So I don't really understand it.
	It's all very nebulous.
	It's one of those things where it's like, no one cares enough to ever test it, so it's just a thing.
	Like say I said, I'm the president of Ryan and Caroline's marriage.
	There was nothing they could do about that.
	There's two votes against that.
	Right.
	Of course, meanwhile, I'm changing names here to protect the innocent.
	But if it doesn't mean anything, then yeah, you're king of the world.
	I'm the boss of the South Bronx.
	Okay, well, there's a lot of criminals who run the South Bronx.
	Yeah, I'm not messing with those.
	Okay, so it's just in your head?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Have fun.
	Fill your boots.
	Now, there are things you can do.
	Like, oh, I don't think I included this.
	Trudeau, yeah, there it is.
	It's the second.
	Oh, I forgot to number the links today, my friend.
	The second link there.
	Trudeau decided.
	Is that the second?
	no, the news week one opening song is the first link?
	Trudeau decided that in all our sons command is offensive to daughters.
	So now it's some weird, it's like they them shitty grammar.
	Uh, Canada passes a bill to make national anthem lyrics gender neutral.
	So God keep our land glorious and free.
	Uh, in all thy sons command.
	That's not so bad.
	In all of us command?
	That's not English.
	In all of us command.
	In all of us command.
	What?
	Go back to the lyrics.
	Look up the lyrics for Canada.
	In all of us command?
	That makes zero sense.
	That's like a Joe Biden sentence.
	In all of us command.
	Not the thing.
	I don't want to have any American.
	So no, that's a weird one.
	I've never heard where pines and maples grow.
	Somebody just.
	I saw that too when I was looking it up.
	And I'm like, pines and maples.
	In school, we had to sing this song every day and do the Lord's Prayer.
	Thank God.
	Don't do that anymore.
	I remember in high school, I was such a rebel that I went, I'm actually not doing this anymore because I'm an atheist and I don't want to sit for the Lord's Prayer.
	And Canada was PC before PC was big.
	So this is like 1984.
	And they go, okay, no problem.
	And then I sit in a room with these Muslim kids who weren't like normal kids.
	Like the guy I started Vice with, Sarouche Alve.
	He was a normal Muslim.
	He liked punk and you could talk to him.
	But these were like Muslims.
	So I'm sitting with these kids in headdresses and just waiting for 10 minutes.
	And I was like, this is gay and boring.
	I'm out of here.
	So that didn't work.
	So it was originally a French song in the 1800s.
	And then they made it English.
	But it didn't become the official Canadian anthem until 82.
	And when did we get our flag, the maple leaf?
	Like 69, 70.
	I'm as old as Canada.
	True Patriot Love.
	Yeah.
	Oh, Canada.
	I don't know why it's O. I guess that's French.
	Our home and native land agreed.
	True patriot love in all thy sons command.
	Now, this pisses me off with sexism where they go, sons are offensive.
	I am such a peace-loving hippie that when I hear sons being praised, I think of the mothers who love them and shaped their lives.
	Like when you talk about the men who died in the wars, it's not like they came out of a dick.
	So when you say this is a tribute to all the men who have died fighting for our country, you mean the women around them who helped them.
	Like we're all a team.
	When you say God bless America, you mean all the blacks and Jews and gays.
	You're talking about all of them.
	You don't just mean the white males.
	So when you change that, it's insulting to like the sons' mothers.
	In all thy sons and their mothers who helped shape them and their sisters and their wives and their daughters.
	We got it.
	You don't have to stick that in there.
	But in all of us, command, that's Down syndrome.
	That's special.
	Isn't that special?
	Anyway, gross.
	Anyway, this is a big day for us, Canucks.
	The tradition in Ottawa, the capital where I was, where I spent most of my life, we would dress up like imbeciles.
	Lunatics.
	Canadian flags on our backs, but other dress up like faggots, whatever.
	And then we would party in Ottawa, but we were young, right?
	You can drink in Ottawa in Quebec at 18.
	In Ottawa, you have to be 19.
	So we would walk over the bridge to Hull because we were touching Quebec.
	And we would go buy booze there, get wasted, and then just carry around booze, I guess?
	Yeah, because we couldn't go to bars until we were older.
	And they didn't ID you in Quebec.
	You could go there when you're fucking 14.
	And we would drink.
	There'd be a massive lineup at every beer store.
	So you'd wait in the line, you'd talk, and it was fun, and you'd hang out.
	And then in the beer store, as we were, we just get wasted in there, too.
	Drinking it up.
	One time, Andrew Geddes, him and Blake Jacobs, the guitarist of my band, they were known as the Pirates of Piss Pants because they would get so wasted, they would pee their pants.
	They'd also dress up like pirates.
	But Geddes one year decided he was going for a sailor boy look.
	So he had on little blue shoes with buckles.
	He had on a bonnet.
	And then he had on a like a little hat, a little sailor boy hat.
	And he had on like a sailor shirt, you know, with the flap on the back, but like little boy blue with like a ribbon, tiny, tiny white short shorts, and the blue navish thing with the little bonnet, little hat.
	And he looked like beyond fag.
	Beyond fag.
	Beyond fag.
	Like gays would go, what the fuck is that?
	At a pride parade, gays would go, what are you doing?
	What are you?
	And it was hilarious in our group with our gang, right?
	Our multicultural group of lunatic losers.
	But then he got separated from the gang.
	And now he's dressed as little boy blue, but he doesn't want to be.
	So he like takes the hat off and he pulls the socks down to his ankles and tries to make himself look like a cool little sailor boy.
	Yeah, watcho a sailor boy with like bunchy ankle socks.
	So when we finally rediscovered him, we laughed our penises off.
	Anyway, that's what I remember from Canada Day.
	It's very hard to say.
	But before we get to Canada Day, we need to get to Tactical Walls.
	Oh, we got to get them to build us stuff in this office.
	I talked to him about that.
	I forgot to get back to him.
	Let me write a little note to myself.
	This episode is brought to you by Tactical Walls.
	That's tacticalwalls.com.
	Promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.
	Yes, they ship to Canada.
	It is American-made.
	It's vet-made.
	These guys show you how to show off your guns.
	If you're lucky enough to live in a state or a province where you don't have to hide your guns and have them triple locked down, there you go.
	Rip them off the wall, just like the Kingsman.
	You can have a gun room.
	Dana Lash actually had to move for various reasons, but one time she had to move because she had too many guns.
	She had a mod, not a mod wall, she had a mod room.
	Like you open it up, it's like, I guess she got a lot of free guns.
	I miss her.
	She was cool.
	I never met her in person.
	I did her show a lot.
	But she was a wonderful, funny individual, just a very happy person who, of course, is terrorized to the left, by the left as they threaten her children, et cetera, et cetera.
	But yeah, mod walls, they've got emergency shelves, 100 places to store your gun, safe places to store your gun.
	But also, if you're not in a gun town, you've got sports walls, all kinds of different walls, all kinds of different mounts, all kinds of different places to put your stuff.
	You can have a baseball wall.
	You can have a tool shelf.
	It's really impressive what they do.
	And the fact that they do it in America is kind of the future.
	Here's my plan.
	We refuse to pay our debts to China.
	They go to war with us.
	We kill them all.
	And then manufacturing has to happen back in America.
	Apparently, it works.
	You can manufacture in America.
	It's possible.
	Is that the main guy, Tim, that I talked to?
	I don't know.
	I've never seen him before.
	But I love him.
	And I thank him for supporting Censored.tv and Free Speech and Get Off My Lawn and sponsoring this episode.
	I'm wondering if I should be promoting Nita Fashions too.
	Let's just check my encrypted apps because that's how I talk to people.
	Did I mention Nita Fashions last week?
	I don't remember last week.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	I think so.
	That was the first and only live show, right?
	Then I think we did.
	Here.
	Oh, here.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	Maybe I'll take it off for a...
	How many provinces can you name?
	Oh, my God.
	Ontario?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	That's got Toronto and Ottawa in it.
	I just talked about Ottawa.
	Alberta?
	Alberta, sure.
	It's got Edmonton in it.
	Coldest place in the fucking world.
	Saskatchewan?
	Yep.
	So that's the Midwest, you're sort of doing that.
	Then there's like, how many are there?
	Alberta's pretty American.
	They got oil there.
	They used to have tar sands.
	Like oil that's in sand.
	But when oil is expensive enough, then it works to filter it out of the sand.
	But they got a bunch of commie politicians who charged so much tax to the oil companies that the whole thing fell out.
	And Calgary went from Zurich to Detroit overnight thanks to government interference.
	You know, I wasn't confident in any of those.
	I just.
	Well, you've got seven more.
	Ten provinces, three territories.
	Isn't it like Saint something or like a girl name one or French name, like girl name one?
	Like Saint-Marie.
	You're thinking of Sault Ste.
	Marie?
	Maybe.
	Yeah, that's a town.
	That's not a province.
	The French province is Quebec.
	Then there's a bunch on the east coast.
	There's Newfoundland.
	Newfoundland.
	Okay.
	There's Labrador.
	No, Newfoundland and Labrador are one.
	There's Nova Scotia.
	Nova Scotia.
	Okay, that's a province?
	Yep.
	Oh, okay.
	British Columbia.
	British Columbia Island.
	There's a whole bunch of them on the East Coast.
	North America was built from the East to the West.
	That's so weird that I knew things I didn't know.
	That's weird.
	I thought I was just going to guess and you're going to be like, nope, that's a town or something.
	That happened once, but let's see, provinces of Canada.
	Did you folks hear what just happened here on the show?
	Ryan is impressed with himself for naming provinces.
	And then he said, you know, I'm so dumb.
	I was worried that I would say a place and you would go, no, that's a city.
	Meanwhile, that's exactly what happened.
	He named Sault Ste.
	Marie.
	Yeah, I said it happened once.
	So you thought something would happen and it happened and you're just blown away?
	Well, I'm blown away that it happened only once.
	Look at that.
	Oh, okay.
	But look at that.
	Way to set the barlow.
	You know, my wife went away for a few days and she goes, how was that?
	And I go, it went great.
	I just did a terrible job.
	So it was not stressful at all.
	Right.
	On Tuesday night, I had my oldest boy order dominoes for the family.
	I wasn't even there.
	Nice.
	He ordered like nine things of pizza and chicken for himself, all this stuff.
	And then he let my daughter have like some scraps.
	And I was like, sorry, sucks.
	Sucks to have dad make the food.
	I love the name.
	Go back to that map.
	They gave the Eskimos, the Inuits, a bunch of land recently.
	And how much of it is viable?
	How much can you farm?
	How much can you use?
	None of it.
	It's called none of it.
	No.
	Yeah.
	Is that a fuck you or what?
	Wow.
	Wait a minute.
	I didn't realize Newfoundland was sitting on top of Quebec.
	Oh, you know what it is?
	It's the globe is stretched out.
	So it actually is kind of east of Quebec, but you're sort of seeing it flattened.
	But Newfoundland, New Brunswick, think of them as east, not north.
	That's deceiving that map.
	But yeah, Yukon, no one's ever heard of.
	Northwest Territories, nope.
	None of it is literally none of it.
	British Columbia, of course, has Vancouver and Victoria.
	Vancouver Island is beautiful.
	Sunsets, fishing, it's paradise.
	Vancouver, unfortunately, could be perfect, but it's become super fucking woke recently.
	And junkies everywhere.
	As bad as San Francisco.
	Now, if you go north, it's pretty nice.
	It's like Northern California.
	What do they got up there?
	I forget the name of it.
	They save A in British Columbia still.
	How's it going, eh?
	Yeah, so we're getting out there, eh?
	A is like a stereotype.
	You don't really hear it anymore, but British Columbia Has preserved it.
	Alberta is the south of America, I mean, of Canada.
	It's oil, it's cowboys.
	They literally have a Calgary Stampede there, like they have bull riding and stuff.
	Saskatchewan, no one ever talks about it.
	I'm sorry.
	I don't mean to disrespect them all.
	Fucking freezing cold.
	Manitoba, exact same story.
	If you meet someone from Winnipeg, take your hat off and go like this.
	They are winter veterans.
	And then Ontario just goes on for infinity.
	If you drive across Canada from Ottawa, three days are that yellow province in Ontario.
	Quebec is all frogs, which couldn't be more different.
	It's even foreign to people from France.
	So it's a funny country because Quebec could not have less in common with any other province.
	And then you have all the East Coast guys, Newfoundland, Labrador, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia.
	Those are just Scottish Canadians.
	Drunks, no industry.
	They used to have cod, but the cod disappeared.
	So it's very much like Glasgow.
	All of those East Coast guys are Glasgow.
	Quebec is some weird archaic France.
	Ontario is like America Light.
	Manitoba is a patch of ice.
	Saskatchewan's a patch of ice.
	Alberta is Texas.
	British Columbia is hippie town.
	It's California.
	And then none of that northern stuff exists.
	Ignore it.
	Pay attention to none of it.
	And then as far as towns go, there's really just Vancouver, Calgary, not really Regina, not really Winnipeg, Toronto, not Ottawa, Montreal, Quebec City, and maybe Halifax.
	There's only like five or six cities in Canada of any relevance.
	We were going to choose this jam, DOA, covering Randy Bachman's Taking Care of Business.
	I play it every Canada Day, and we're playing it this Canada Day.
	I kind of hate the term Canada Day.
	You know, punks have a very strict regimen on what you can wear, and for some reason, this shirt is acceptable.
	So you'd have like cone spikes, a ripped t-shirt, destroyed bondage pants, 14-hole Dr. Martins, but only in Canada could you wear this shirt that was a punk uniform.
	Possibly because of DOA.
	Did you know they invented the word hardcore, like the term?
	That's hardcore.
	Not like hardcore porn and all that, but like the baby of punk.
	Pre-minor threat and black flag and all that.
	He's got to be on the spectrum that he's been touring in 1980 for 40 years.
	Pretty much non-stop.
	Randy Bachman is the coach in this video.
	Remember Randy Bachman?
	He quit the guess who.
	He wrote all their hits with Burton Cummings.
	These us!
	American Woman.
	Pull up American Woman.
	That's a jam.
	First number one hit for a Canadian band.
	See, when I was a DJ at my school, CKCU at Carleton University in Ottawa, they made us...
	Everything had to be 60% CanCon, Canadian content.
	So you would have to pile in a bunch of Canadian shit just to be able to play like the Sex Pistols or something.
	And it sucked because it was charity.
	And bands don't need your government charity.
	The sugar cubes came out of Iceland because they're good, not because the Icelandic government made you listen to them.
	And I felt it kind of demeaned talented Canadian bands like the guests...
	Who?
	Oh yeah, because now it seems like they're just on there as a favor.
	It's like affirmative action.
	It's affirmative right.
	Holy shit, that's Burton Cummings.
	Thank God, he grew a mustache.
	Dude, I saw a guy the other day at a bar because I missed my train.
	Normal man like me, probably 65 years old, he had this insane skin beard that hung down like this.
	Skin beard.
	Here's his neck, right?
	It started here and went like this.
	Oh, so I don't know the mic.
	It started here and went like this.
	This is all skin.
	I almost ran over and went.
	I want to look that up.
	Grill a fucking beard, what are you doing?
	It's like Big Ed all over again.
	I can hide your mistakes.
	This glare from your new light is pretty bad there, guy.
	Yeah, I'm going to see if it needs that light.
	Just turn it off.
	It's annoying.
	It makes us look unprofessional.
	What are we scary, Perry?
	God, your outfit is so annoying.
	100% better.
	So Ryan was wearing a suit, and then I came into the studio, and I said, dude, it's Canada Day.
	Can we just call it Canned Day or something?
	We're going to change the name here.
	Canada Day?
	No.
	I'm just going to call it Canada.
	It's the day of Canada.
	Canada's birthday.
	Dude, it's Canada's birthday.
	Wear this shirt.
	So I gave him a Montremblanc sweatshirt.
	Vintage.
	Greatest ski hill on earth.
	Better than Whistler.
	Bought by some Japanese dudes who made it awesome.
	And then a Make Canada Great Again hat.
	But then he still has on his slacks and his dress shoes.
	And then he puts on this Rebel Media hat.
	Like, isn't he just annoying?
	I'm just wearing shirts.
	Great comeback.
	What a cool sweatshirt that is.
	What is it?
	I just said.
	Are you paying attention to that?
	Yeah, it's a hill.
	Hey, you guys want to go skiing at a local hill?
	What?
	You're thinking of toboggins, my friend.
	Toboggins are dope.
	So, what are you doing?
	Is there anything that you do, like any activities on Canada Day?
	Get wasted.
	That's it, fuck?
	That's it?
	Fuck.
	Have you seen the latest Cody Canuck?
	He's a fan of the show, and he does stuff.
	Like this.
	Oh.
	That familiar shirt there?
	I like it.
	Fuck, I was talking to the wife about, you know, I had some comments about me calling it a chicken burger, that Popeye's fucking chicken burger.
	But I'm thinking, okay, the chicken fucking...
	It's a burger if it's between two fucking buns.
	It's a sandwich if it's between two pieces of sliced bread.
	Remember talking about that fucking TikTok guy who breaks down stupid shit in English, that stage George Johnny guy?
	And I wonder what that guy has to say about that fucking shit.
	Is it a chicken burger or is it a chicken sandwich?
	You fucking tell me.
	Take it easy.
	Wow, that's a good point.
	Alright?
	Because what's a turkey burger?
	What's a veggie burger?
	Yeah, it's like a turkey patty sandwich, right?
	Now the chicken is pretty.
	It's not like it's a chicken patty.
	Chicken's all over the place.
	It's coming out of the sides.
	It's hot right now in Canada.
	What is?
	Certain parts.
	Oh, the weather?
	Yeah.
	I keep forgetting it gets hot up there.
	It was just a fucking inferno here.
	Yeah, Montreal has the biggest temperature swing out of any city in the world.
	It is brick in January.
	It's so bad in January that at bars we have to make a rule.
	Guys, no talking about the fucking weather, okay?
	This is getting tedious.
	It's a banned subject.
	I know.
	It took you 20 minutes to get dressed and then it took you 20 minutes to get undressed.
	And when you get up from your bar, from your chair, it goes flying backwards because it's got a coat and all that shit on it.
	I get it.
	I'm cold too.
	Let's drop it.
	And then in the summer, like you have to dress like Jesus Christ on the cross.
	But with flip-flops on or it'll burn the bottom of your feet.
	All right.
	Should we start the show?
	Well, let's do Johnny Apple CBD and then we'll cut out the scam artists.
	We've got a lot to do, guys.
	We have phone calls coming in.
	Kyle Dunnegan has finally released his Joe Biden sitcom.
	Sexy.
	It's July 1st, Canada's birthday.
	And then we want to talk about this war on churches going on in Canada with the Indians.
	They found out about the kids, the mass grave of kids, and they're pissed.
	Justifiably.
	I understand both sides.
	Don't burn churches, but I get why you're mad.
	It's like the storming of the Capitol.
	I don't think it was a smart move, but I get it.
	I'm not saying I would have killed it, but I understand.
	But before we go and say goodbye to the freeloaders, Johnny Apple CBD.
	Wow, what a company.
	Been with us from day one.
	JohnnyApple.com.
	Promo code Gavin.
	20% off all orders.
	Exact same as Tactical Walls.
	You've got the tinctures to take the edge off your coffee.
	You've got the topicals.
	Ladies, put the CBD topicals on your feet if you're going to wear high heel shoes that night.
	And if you're a single woman and you're having trouble getting a man, wear high-heel shoes three, not even days, three nights a week.
	And you'll find a man.
	I 100% guarantee it, even if you're a fat pig.
	The topicals are also great for, you know, sore joints, sore legs.
	They've got, what's that below the tinctures there?
	Is that toothpaste?
	No, that's the topicals.
	They got the cartridges.
	Who knew that marijuana is still magic without the illegal stuff?
	Johnny Apple did.
	And every time I tune into this site, there's new shit.
	These guys have been with us since day one, fighting hard, ignoring Antifa and all the lunatics who want to antagonize them, and providing top-of-the-line American-made CBD gummies.
	The gummies are great to sleep with.
	You know how like drunks like me, if we don't have a big drinking night, we're going, I'll never be able to sleep.
	I got a drink.
	Well, have some gummies.
	That'll ease you into sleep town.
	I know it's hard to sleep when you quit boozing at the end of a bender.
	The gummies will solve that.
	Johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
	All right.
	Let's fucking get into this, eh?
	So I guess now we have the goodbye to the other people, the people that are getting the free podcast.
	We have another hour and a half.
	We're going to be taking calls.
	You should subscribe to censored.tv.
	It's a beer and a half a month, depending on where you live.
	In Manhattan, it's a beer a month.
	And this show, which is now five days a week, including Anthony Cumia, we got Roger Stone coming up, Laura Loomer, we've got Candace Owens, we've got Cornell West, we've got Milo Yiannopoulos,
	we've got Jim Goad, we've got fucking, I already said Anthony Kumia, right?
	Josh.
	Yeah, I'm not saying Josh.
	No one's heard of him, dick shit.
	Michael Graves of the Misfits, Sof.
	Of course, Atheism is Unstoppable, who often surpasses me in hits.
	Lotus, Katie Hopkins, Jacob Wall.
	God, they wanted it to fail so bad.
	Copper Cab.
	Remember when Milo started that rumor we were going under?
	Only time you've ever seen censored.tv in the news.
	Newsweek does a big thing.
	Fucking Jared Holt is excited.
	He's already bragging with a little tiny violin.
	Fucking loser.
	No, I'm not fired, Jared.
	You are.
	Now, of course, you're a fellow at the Atlantic Institute for Hate and Research Opposition at the lab in D.C. or whatever the fuck they call it.
	Anyway, funny stuff.
	We're about to get into it deep, and you're missing out on it because you're a cheapskate.
	But in the Interim, I would like you to take your cheapness and get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	We should play out for a rip.
	Fuck.
	I love that song, dude.
	That really sums it up.
	It's up to 17 million views.
	The population of Canada is about 31 million.
	As a Canadian kid, we always go, America has so much better stuff than us.
	Yeah, they're 10 times the size.
	They're going to have 10 times the stuff.
	3,300.
	Who came with two?
	Before we learn to walk, we can cross-check properly.
	He doesn't have the right plaid coat.
	Lumberjack jacket, we used to call them.
	Music thing I love about this song, too, is they explain that we're polite and we don't like to fight and we're non-confrontational, but we'll happily fight at the drop of a hat.
	Probably because of hockey.
	Dude, that's like me with the JL fight.
	And I was Canadian for that.
	Oh, yeah, had a Canadian accent.
	Yeah, you sub-Zoomed.
	Oh, it looks like you're in the video.
	This makes me jealous of being Canadian.
	Smoking a dart.
	You know who's a really fun hoser to hang out with is Faith Goldie.
	She's known as the worst, most evil white supremacist alive.
	But she's such a fucking hoser.
	When we were in Israel, we're in Bethlehem where Jesus is born.
	And it's all called to prayer, Muslims everywhere.
	There's an iron fence keeping out the Arabs, but it's like, it's gone.
	And she was like, God, it hurts me to see this place taken over by Muslims.
	There we go.
	Hold on.
	Let me hear that.
	Fucking night.
	Like, yeah, we got matters, but fucking buddies still fight and fucking swear and fucking drink all night.
	Like this one time.
	Me and fucking buddy are out out in the dart and fucking buddy burns a hole in my coat.
	And I was like, fuck buddy.
	Because the coat was pretty new, right?
	And he's like, fuck you.
	So I put his head in the snowbank and just started fucking feeding him.
	The rate left like fucking boom, boom, boom.
	And he's like, okay, okay, fuck.
	Chill out.
	Shit.
	So I pulled him out of the snow and we went out for a rip.
	Yeah.
	I pulled him out of the snow and we went out for a rip.
	Out for a rip, of course, meaning just going out for a drive, having some fun, maybe token, maybe having a dart.
	So we're in Bethlehem and she's like, I'd love to come down here and just fucking repopulate this place.
	You know what I mean?
	Just like get married, have like five kids here in Bethlehem and just start spreading those gates out, pushing back that call to prayer until, you know, the whole Bethlehem was Christian again, not fucking Muslim, fuck.
	And I was like, that would be so awesome, especially if outside of the church, the place where Jesus was born, the manger and everything is there.
	It's actually a cave.
	And it's just a fucking giant statue of Faith Goldie with a fucking dart in her mouth, curlers in her hair.
	She's got a fucking boom box and a 2-4.
	And there's her husband, like maybe sitting down on the 2-4 with this jacket on.
	He's got a dart too, fuck.
	And it was just like, Faith Goldie out for a rip, saving the birthplace of Jesus Christ.
	She's fucking qualityisty.
	One time, she was at a restaurant in Toronto with a friend of mine, and someone sees her, and they go, um, that's a, that's, that's a Nazi.
	And she's like, what the fuck is?
	And the person starts screaming, Nazi, that's a Nazi, that's a Nazi.
	And she's like, hi.
	And so the staff, instead of going, will you calm down?
	They start going, really?
	They start freaking out.
	A woman overhears this and starts, she doesn't know who Faith is.
	She drops to her back.
	She falls on her back, holding her heart, going, oh my God, there's a racist in here.
	And she's writhing around on the ground of the restaurant.
	And you know what's crazy?
	I bet if there was a pedophile in the restaurant, you wouldn't have had that kind of reaction.
	It would have been like, oh, I don't want to bother them.
	But there's a pedophile here.
	Well, let them be.
	They're just raping kids.
	It's not like they're racist or anything.
	Jesus Christ, Mister, you okay in there?
	Doesn't even need context, fuck.
	Out for a ripper, you bud?
	Just out for a rip?
	Remember, we were in DC and we couldn't stop doing that either.
	It was you, me, and the guy from Postmillennial, and also Alex, who congratulations just got married this past weekend.
	Who's that?
	And we couldn't.
	Alex, he was the one in the...
	We were driving all over the place in DC from that one after-the-aft pack party place.
	We were all just Canadian for the whole day.
	Remember that?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It was like the whole day.
	It's pretty memorable.
	But that one guy was.
	No, doing a guy when you're up partying on vacation is not memorable.
	I've been retarded for hours.
	Well, the thing is, The guy you were being, you've actually been before, so it's not really like a detachment.
	Yeah, it's sort of like someone who grew up Jamaican but was born in America but had Jamaican parents and they started talking Jamaican.
	Yeah, I was listening to Wyclef Jean on Stern on the way here, and he's doing a Jamaican accent when he sings.
	And this sort of goes back to what I'm saying about how you're not white, you're not black, you're just American for the most part.
	And what the fuck has Wyclef John got to do with Jamaica?
	He's Haitian.
	Haiti's French.
	He's got a totally different background.
	There's nothing remotely Jamaican about it.
	Maybe the weather because it's nearby.
	But what's the difference between Wyclef doing a Jamaican accent when he sings and me?
	Same thing.
	Oh, but he's black and racists hate him as much as they hate Jamaicans.
	Yeah, but racism isn't a thing.
	So you don't get that.
	Stupid dink.
	I have an unturned stone here about darts and fighting and Canadian-ness.
	It's bothering me, fuck.
	Oh, eh?
	I shouldn't have told you that.
	That's not good TV.
	I remember one time Pete Zabo was part of our crew and there was some guy with a baby in his backpack.
	You know, the little baby thing?
	Oh, yeah.
	The baby's head is here.
	Or maybe here.
	No, maybe his high is here.
	And Pete's waisted, and he's like, hey, man, you got a cigarette?
	And the guy's like, no, I don't.
	And he goes, yes, you do, dude.
	I know you do.
	Look at this guy with his fucking baby.
	And he goes up to the dude and hugs him.
	He's like, this guy's crazy.
	He was like Chris Farley.
	Yeah.
	Little fat man in the little suit.
	And he tackled the guy, and the guy fell backwards.
	The baby came out of the backpack.
	Now, no one was hurt in the making of this story.
	Baby hit the grass.
	But seeing a man with a baby get tackled by our giant friend Peter, holy fuck was I laughing.
	You don't laugh.
	I don't laugh like that anymore.
	There's certain laughs you get when you're 18, 17, 16.
	We used to have this thing called burning, where you burn a dude.
	And what you do is you hide somewhere where you wouldn't expect him to see you.
	And then he catches your face.
	So you'd be like this, sometimes for an hour.
	It was like hunting.
	Oh, I get you.
	You could do it by the side of a wall, too.
	Just like.
	Yep.
	And if you did that to me today, like if Ryan did that, I'd go, what are you doing over there?
	It wouldn't work.
	But at 16, it was like someone shot you in the kneecaps and you just go and just laugh for a hundred years.
	I remember laughing as a kid.
	I remember what I was going to talk about.
	I remember laughing as a kid, like 16, 17, and trying to physically grab air and put it into my mouth because I'm dying.
	Does that work?
	No.
	No.
	No.
	No, it does not.
	So if you see someone drowning on the beach, don't go up to them and start going.
	You don't even have to go up to them.
	You can pitch it.
	Just throw it.
	You need some air?
	I got a ton.
	Here you go.
	You got it?
	I can't hear you.
	It's helping, I think.
	But I was going to mention, yeah, that was it.
	How we got wasted back then is we didn't really have pot in America.
	I mean, sorry, in Canada.
	Some did.
	My parents had it, but pot was so shitty back then.
	This might have been true of America, too, in certain areas.
	I'm talking about the early 80s, mid-80s.
	I mean, I remember my parents would have like a garbage bag of pot, and then it would be gone in like a couple months.
	And there'd be stems and seeds.
	And I was like, that's for old people.
	We want to get to work.
	So we would do hash.
	Hell yeah.
	And the way you did hash was, it was so complicated.
	And I don't know anyone else who did this but Ontarians.
	So you get a pop bottle this big.
	Ontarians.
	You get a rock that's about this big.
	And you put it in the bottle.
	And then you go like this and you go king, king, king, kh, until the bottle, until the rock emerges out of a hole that you just made.
	Now sometimes the entire bottle shatters and you got to start again.
	But sometimes you get a hole about that big, which is ideal.
	Then you take the, you have boogers of hash on a cigarette pack or something.
	You have a cigarette.
	Light that up.
	I didn't smoke ever.
	But I would get the heater going, right?
	So now we got the heater.
	You go onto the boogers, scoop one up.
	Now you take your bottle with the hole in it.
	You plug the top.
	You put the heater with the cigarette in there.
	And then you look at it.
	And you can tell it's not cigarette smoke because it's white.
	And the hash is burning on the heater.
	The white smoke fills it up.
	And then someone has to grab your cigarette.
	Get this out of here.
	And now you have a giant bottle of white smoke that looks like wizard juice.
	And then you go, now I was never able to, they used to call me the raunch king.
	And it would sometimes embarrass my friends if we were with new people because I would cough for one hour every single time.
	But you go, here we go, ready for a cough fit.
	And then, right?
	You release the hole and you suck in all that white smoke and then and then you're fucking baked.
	You might be able to do two or three.
	They're called bottle toques.
	Two or three a night.
	But not really.
	And then if you do four, you might be puking.
	And those were the days.
	Fuck.
	I remember coughing on that weed, too.
	Have you ever heard of a bottle toque?
	Did you ever do hash as a kid?
	I did a little hash out of a, you know, there was a bowl that had smoke.
	Somebody smoked hash out of this bowl, so I just smoked that.
	You're blurry.
	But never just actual hash.
	So you got to show it your eyes?
	Your stupid eyes?
	You don't really have eyes.
	You're Asian.
	Well, if I'm here, is this.
	Oh, that's...
	Oh.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	Your stupid sign is focused.
	There we go.
	Now that's like too focused.
	Sometimes Asians look like women dressed as men for Halloween.
	This kind of does, yeah.
	And this looks like a testosterone.
	Well, what that is is you put, she put Vaseline on her top lip and then broke open a tea bag and put that on.
	I did that once to my boy when he was like four, my eldest boy, and he was going to be a hobo for Halloween.
	And I'm driving to the party and he's, I put Vaseline all over his face and then broke tea bags and put there was mint tea.
	And I looked in the rearview mirror and his face is fucking beet red and swelling up.
	Oh, jeez.
	Like he's getting a skin beard.
	Maybe that's how the skin beard guy became.
	So I was like, screeching in the gravel.
	I run out.
	I'm getting it off his face.
	Jesus.
	I can't find anything about skin tag beard.
	Like I look face.
	Skin tag?
	Yeah, they're not skin tags?
	What?
	You know, like the hanging little skin.
	Yeah, a skin tag is like the size of a grain of hash.
	That's like this.
	This is a skin tag.
	It's like a mole.
	So what would you call that disease?
	Skin beard?
	Like hanging skin beard.
	But it was weird too, because it wasn't like his whole body.
	Oh, maybe he was a fat pig who lost like 300 pounds.
	Oh.
	But his arms didn't have like long hanging pterodactyl wings.
	It was just that.
	And I'm sure a surgeon could have just like cut it.
	And I understand you don't want to get plastic surgery if you're 65.
	You're probably not even married.
	But grow a motherfucking beard.
	I'll grow it for you.
	Loan me your face.
	I'll grow you a beard and then give it back to you.
	I'll farm you a beard.
	It was his only flaw.
	He was a relatively normal looking dude besides that circus freak thing.
	It goes back to the fucking people with the fucked up eye who don't wear an eye patch.
	What are you doing?
	This guy's got a tree for a hand.
	Yeah, I'm familiar with that.
	Not really on topic.
	All right, let's do the one news item.
	So it was recently discovered there was a mass grave in, I think, Edmonton, Alberta.
	It was from, I don't know, like 1880.
	Horrific.
	I love what Buchanan says in Death of the West.
	As fair-minded and mostly Christian folks, they concede that there is truth in the indictment of America's past and Canada's, obviously.
	Our fathers did participate in slavery.
	We did practice segregation.
	Our treatment of the Indians was not what one should have expected of people to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command.
	I love that sentence.
	Our treatment of the Indians was not what one should have expected of people to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command.
	And I don't like the word whom, but in this context, it's beautiful.
	And then he goes off, but having internalized the guilt that gnaws at their souls, these Republicans in their lifelong quest for absolution are easy prey for confidence men like Jackson and Sharpton who run the big sting.
	The truth in the story of slavery in the slave trade, Western man was among many villains, but Western man was also the only hero.
	For the West did not invent slavery, but it alone abolished slavery.
	Had it not been for the West, African rulers would still be trafficking in the flesh of their kinsmen, blah, blah, blah.
	He doesn't get into the Indian thing.
	And the Indian thing was, yes, we played dirty pool.
	But it was a war, a 400-year war.
	And the Indians were our most worthy adversaries, I'd say in history.
	Like, how long was the Crusades?
	It wasn't 400 years.
	How long was the Crusades?
	Ew, I hated the way I said that.
	How long were the Crusades?
	How long were the Crusades?
	Did they drink croissants?
	Did they eat croissants?
	Did they drink croissants?
	So I don't like it when you trivialize it to the point where they came to North America and just stole all the Indian land.
	That makes the Indians sound like pussies.
	So 200 years.
	300 years, maybe.
	No, 1,100 to 1,300.
	Yeah, 200 years.
	Half the Indian Wars.
	And everyone talks about the Crusades like it was a global revolution.
	I think we should be giving, and we do give respect to the Indians.
	That's why we call it the Jeep Cherokee, because we're impressed.
	That's why tonight the Mets were slaughtered by the braves.
	No one calls a team a name that they don't respect.
	No one wants to be called the Philadelphia Faggots.
	It's not interesting.
	It's not inspiring.
	Anyway, so yes, there was a recent mass grave.
	We separated Indians from their families.
	Horrific stuff in these wars.
	We were not, it's not what one should have expected of people to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command.
	So Indians now in Canada are just burning down churches.
	And Trudeau is totally silent.
	He doesn't want to be the bad guy.
	Go to Indian War on Churches.
	I don't know why I delete.
	This is going all over Canada, especially Alberta.
	Because I think the mass grave was found in Edmonton.
	My wife is obviously on the Indian side with all these things.
	But when we first heard about it last week, I was like, I wanted to know when it happened.
	Because if the mass grave was obviously from like 1970, that's much more serious than 200 years ago.
	And I go, God, I'm reading all these articles and I'm looking for a date.
	I can't find a date.
	And she goes, what are you on, Grinder?
	She hurt me that day.
	That's pretty good.
	So Trudeau's on the Indian side.
	Go to the National Post.
	This is the link you showed earlier.
	Just out for a rip, are you, bud?
	Just out for a rip?
	That doesn't look right.
	No, it's not.
	What's an East Tower?
	Peace Tower flag to remain at half staff on Canada Day in remembrance.
	Prime Minister has been facing mounting pressure from communities across Canada to call off Canada Day festivities since the so we cancel Canada Day because we found a mass grave.
	Does that sound normal to you?
	What if you found a mass Irish grave where, as we discovered recently in America, a bunch of Irish children who had died in a mine were discovered.
	We did, wait a minute.
	We did discover a mass grave of children, Irish children in America.
	Remember that?
	Recently?
	Was that recently?
	Yeah, yeah.
	They had farmed out to like Ohio or Idaho or something, and they were worked to death.
	And there was a lot of Irish people.
	Just look up Irish Mass Grave Discovered, America.
	But there was a ton of children.
	Can you imagine America canceling July 4th because we found that grave?
	Wow.
	Can you imagine if the cases were reversed?
	This one's pretty bad, too.
	Well, no, this one's in Ireland, so not the U.S., but there's a lot of these being found.
	Yes.
	It's called Irish Genocide.
	800 children.
	That's unfathomable.
	The other problem is people don't understand that the past sucked.
	Like the Queen of England in 1850 shat in a freezing cold bedpan that was under her bed with shit and piss sloshing around.
	Her life sucked compared to yours today.
	The Queen of England in 1850, her life was 100 times worse than some ghetto black kid on welfare in Detroit.
	Residential school.
	British Columbia.
	No, it's in America.
	Canada's dominating these guys.
	Right.
	I'll look a little farther behind here.
	So I'm of two minds about it.
	I understand them getting pissed and wanting to burn some churches as a fuck you.
	Totally get it.
	But I also don't think you should burn churches.
	Totally get that you stormed the Capitol.
	But I told you not to go there.
	It was trapped.
	The other thing about that, sorry, back to the Vanity Affair article is the whole premise is that my evil words led to January 6th.
	And then the poll quote is me saying, January 6th was a bunch of imbeciles.
	What are they doing?
	I get it while you're doing it, but it's just not, they're not sophisticated, let's face it.
	All right, let's jump ahead there.
	Just take my word for it that there was an Irish grave of dead children found in Ohio, Idaho recently, and no one gave a shit.
	Look at the first racism quote, by the way.
	Speaking of the races were reversed.
	Rams Paul.
	It's under final video bag.
	So let's say Chauvin was wrong, evil.
	Restrained subject, suspect who died while in custody, cause of death not confirmed, sentenced 22 years, 22 and a half years.
	Then this affirmative action hire, wasn't he like Somalian or something?
	A woman calls 911.
	He gets there.
	He gets totally sketched out and freaks the fuck out and just shoots her dead because he has no idea what he's doing.
	Murders her.
	12 years.
	Basically half the sentence.
	What?
	Why is that?
	Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	Hockey Night in Canada theme.
	Hate speech is a crime in Canada, just to be clear.
	Go pull that up.
	That's before that link.
	$16,000 fine.
	And again, in the Vanity Fair article, one of the criticisms he gives of me is that I think free speech includes hate speech.
	Yes, it legally does.
	It's just a fact of law.
	They also have a, I think misgendering is a crime in Canada.
	See, this, I love Canada.
	The thing I like about Canada is you're talking to a hoser who looks like me, and you're like, New Zealand is, there was a shooting in New Zealand at Christchurch, and you're talking to a guy who's always been there.
	They're like, yeah, well, that area is fucking pretty redneck, eh?
	Like, I noticed there when we went there from Melbourne, it was like, you didn't, wouldn't think it's a different country, but like, Australia's a lot more fucking laid back, and New Zealand's kind of like almost Amish.
	I don't know anything about New Zealand or Australia, so I'm just guessing.
	Or you talk about the story I just told with faith, and like, oh, yeah, I was over there for the call to prayer.
	I was kind of freaked out, too.
	Can you believe fucking Jesus was born like in a rock hole?
	I thought it was a fucking manger, eh?
	But like, you go there, and it's just like a rock.
	Well, they stored the animals there because it was, you know, temperate.
	Yeah, I know.
	I know why they used caves back then and tunnels and shit.
	But, you know, you look at the nativity scene and you think he was by a nice little wood shed.
	He was down there in the catacombs, in the tombs, fuck.
	So they're like rednecks who have traveled the world and are really well educated, which is kind of the perfect human being, right?
	The woman.
	The problem with the women is in Toronto at least, they got catapulted into this city where they were like a small little town in upstate New York, and then boom, overnight, they became New York City because separatism pushed all the English out of Quebec and they all went to Toronto,
	which wasn't a big town in the 60s.
	And then boom, 70s, 80s, it became this metropolis.
	So the men just regressed and became this.
	And we're like, fuck, and I'm just going hoser redneck, fuck.
	And the women were like, no, I'm a lady.
	And they got the Princess Leia buns and tiny knapsacks and platform shoes.
	And like, what are you doing?
	Stop trying to be Miss Fancy City Lady.
	You look ridiculous.
	Sex in the city, whore in the city.
	yeah, the women of Toronto are fucking hard to deal with.
	I wouldn't, I don't envy anyone trying to date in Toronto right now.
	That's where in my book, Circles and Strokes, that was in Toronto.
	And I never say Toronto.
	You gotta pronounce it right, Toronto.
	Um, all right, we're drifting out.
	Let's have a little sneak peek at Kyle Donegan's Joe Biden, fucking uh wait, what's going on?
	Fucking hey, right.
	Fucking right.
	Let's check out fucking Kyle Dunny's.
	He's been cock teasing us with this fucking video now for how long, eh?
	Like two weeks, fuck.
	These things are very, very warm.
	I'm boiling alive.
	There we go.
	Six hours ago, fuck.
	Fresh Prez of Bel Air of DC.
	Comedians can't make fun of Joe Biden.
	Because it's impossible.
	Because he's been great.
	I know a bunch of fat people are disappointed.
	Because trying to make fun of Joe Biden is like praying to God.
	A complete waste of time.
	Okay, that's our show.
	I want to thank my guests, Benjamin Netanyahu and Pete Davidson.
	Who's this Joe Island everyone keeps talking about?
	I ruined the joke there.
	Well, I was born and raised.
	Who's this Joe Byland everyone keeps talking about?
	Joe Violent.
	Well, I was born and raised in Scranton, PA, lifeguard by the pools where I spent my days.
	Till a dude damn corn pop, who wasn't that cool?
	Started making trouble at the swimming pool.
	So I took a chain, wrapped it around my legs.
	Bigger hair than my other legs.
	Black kids would touch them.
	Come on, man.
	Then I got on a train and moved to DC.
	Jericho Brava gave a job to me.
	I shuffled around and sucked fingertips.
	Made a big speech, get the boy on the lips.
	What are you looking at?
	The boy on the lips.
	I wrote the damn bill.
	I hold the ladies tight and stiff all their hairs.
	First person American to fall up the stairs.
	I was a winner.
	Winner was me.
	Now I sit at my desk as a preservi.
	Not preprendi.
	You know the thing.
	Come on.
	Get your face out of your ears.
	Hey, Bennifer.
	Benniford, get in here.
	You hollered.
	Holy shit.
	Where are my clothes?
	Sir, I just washed your clothes.
	I can't physically keep them on your body.
	No, no.
	We've got a ghost in the White House.
	I've heard a clear mastermind of emergency.
	How about I just find you some new clothes?
	You're a good friend, Benniford.
	Come here, I need to tell you something.
	I'm good here, sir.
	Come sit on my lap.
	I'd rather not.
	Sit on my lap!
	There you are.
	There's my little buddy.
	All is well.
	You're safe now.
	I am very uncomfortable and quite sure this violates several labor laws.
	Whoa, whoa, easy, fella.
	Easy.
	Close ghosts can't get you now.
	Frankly, I'm more concerned about your clothes ghosts.
	I'm going to tell you something, but you've got to promise to keep it a secret.
	I do not promise.
	You drive a hard bargain, okay?
	I'll tell you.
	Can you please put some underpants on first, sir?
	There's no time.
	America's in crisis.
	Thousands of mechs amouths are overwhelming our southern border.
	Some as young as another 99.
	The BLT movement is still in the streets, protesting the murder of Pink Floyd.
	And now a closed ghost has inserted his erection into the White House.
	That made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
	Don't you fret, because Uncle Joe came up with a new slogan that will unite us all and bring us back from the brink.
	With great hesitation, what is it, sir?
	Make America green again, man!
	You can't possibly be serious.
	It's got to smile.
	I'm Kaylin Jenner, future governess of California.
	A place once a beautiful and slimy second face has now turned into the rock.
	Skip it.
	That's fake.
	Oh, that's a fake button.
	That's pretty funny, though.
	Sir, how on earth is it possible that you don't know that MAGA is Trump slogan?
	What are you talking about?
	I came up with it this morning.
	Popped into my head like a jewel.
	America's gonna take it what it is and make it great again.
	Sir, I can't recommend strongly enough that you never mention this ever again to any other human being for the rest of your natural life.
	Well, I already ordered them.
	Specially made in China.
	One for every man, woman, and transgena.
	Costs $40 billion.
	But it includes shipping and handling.
	Hey, Dad.
	See, this is kind of weird.
	Stop.
	Where he doesn't really know what Hunter Biden talks like, so he makes Hunter Biden a new guy.
	Yeah, just who can't do it.
	It's sort of like when on Stern, when they do imitations of what's his name there, not Gary, but the bumbling fool idiot.
	And they give him like this weird accent.
	Sal?
	No, no.
	Benji.
	Benji.
	Yeah.
	They do Benji.
	They do this weird voice that he doesn't sound like.
	Yeah, I remember that.
	And it's like a weird parody of his voice, but it doesn't sound like him at all.
	And I appreciate that.
	Yeah.
	I like it.
	Anyway, you can look that up on your own time.
	You don't tune into a show to watch us watch a show.
	That's like inception, man.
	It's like get inside.
	You're not outside the head.
	I was vice principal under Barack Toboggan.
	I just thought, you know what I thought of?
	I'm going to feel bad when if Joe Biden or when Joe Biden actually dies.
	I will feel bad too because I'll have leg cramps from dancing in the streets.
	You'll physically feel bad.
	I'll need CBD.
	I'll need johnnyapple.com.
	Yeah.
	No, I'd feel bad.
	He's on his way out.
	Clearly, it's going to happen very soon.
	And I'm just going to feel bad.
	He's an old man.
	I don't think he's evil anymore.
	He used to be kind of a no, he's my pet Biden.
	Yeah, little guy.
	He's a silly Mr. Magoo who has no idea what's going on in the world.
	And the left has such severe Trump derangement syndrome that they put a senile old man in the driver's seat of the biggest, most powerful country in the world.
	Yeah.
	Are you thinking?
	Because I like old people, you know, they're nice.
	What do you think?
	Let's get into feminism.
	Show the feminism bumper.
	All right.
	Let's feminize ourselves.
	What?
	What?
	I didn't say that.
	I didn't say that, man.
	Feminism is cancer.
	Feminism is cancer.
	I'm a lady.
	Oh, I've missed that blonde with the bathing suit.
	God damn it.
	That's one of the only tens I've seen in a long time.
	You want to go back to it, don't you?
	I do.
	Okay.
	That's a 10.
	So second from the...
	Not the one laying down, but second from the left.
	Right.
	Okay, yeah, I see what you're saying.
	Well, it's because she's showing so much of that thigh front part.
	Maybe.
	You're not supposed to see that.
	Like, that's a really rare thing.
	But the girl, like, with bending over in the jean shorts, she's not in that shot.
	That her there with the jean shorts.
	Yeah.
	She's like prettier, but I don't know.
	It's missing the sprinkles.
	There's something about that blonde where it's just like the most beautiful human being you've ever seen in your life.
	I'm telling you, it's truly that you don't see that very often.
	This little chunk here.
	And that's the, like, that's where your eyes go, right?
	No.
	The other ones are like, yeah, sure, whatever.
	Is the moves?
	The leg thing.
	Oh, you know what?
	It reminds me.
	Doesn't it remind you of that leg thing that that chick did that you always liked?
	Who did the spider dance?
	Raquel Welch.
	Yeah, there's some Raquel Welch in.
	Dude, you're blurry.
	You've got to fix this problem.
	The sign behind you is so crystal clear that I could print it out and make new signs.
	Your hat says.
	I got focus.
	I'm going to take off autofocus and I'm just going to focus it manually.
	There, there we go.
	Okay.
	Yeah, that's better.
	Yeah, there you go.
	Manual focus.
	See your nice greasy face.
	Hey.
	How do we feel about Britney Spears?
	I saw that the judge said no to the appeal.
	Now, living in the era of fake news, obviously my first instinct is give her her money.
	But I don't know what she's up to.
	Is she like walking around naked, leaving her climbing over trees with like a frying pan on her head?
	I don't know.
	I don't know what she's been doing.
	I know she shaved her head a while ago.
	What's wrong with that?
	And maybe the judge saw how much the dad's giving her and it's like 300 grand a month.
	I don't know.
	So we don't know the details.
	You can't trust your instincts.
	I got to say, with the Bill Cosby thing, I am disgusted by my own instincts.
	I'm not impressed.
	And I said this to my wife too.
	When he got out, I was like, ah, it was a different time.
	Same here.
	I was happy that he got out.
	I still am.
	And I don't know why.
	I can't tell you why.
	It's like a friend.
	Well, the right-wing thing is like they tried to make Me Too a thing.
	And then when it didn't work on Trump, they went, okay, Me Too's not a thing.
	Let's not make Bill Cosby rot just because we hate Trump.
	So they abandoned Me Too, and that was the impetus behind Bill Cosby.
	But I don't know.
	It's like Roman Polanski.
	Like, he fucked a 13-year-old, gave her a pill.
	But part of me is like, why'd the mother bring her there?
	I'm never justifying raping children, believe it or not.
	I'm against that.
	But like, everyone knew back then that Bill Cosby was the guy who drugs your drink.
	And I think there was a lot of culpability with the woman who went there where they sort of went, ah, I'll get a gig out of it.
	That's what, who's that comedian that's my friend?
	Which one?
	He's on Red Eye all the time.
	Bill Schultz?
	No, he hosted it for a while.
	Oh, fucking.
	Tom Shalou?
	Tom Shalou.
	Tom Shalou goes, everyone knew that when you go to Bill Cosby, you get drugged and raped.
	It's like the thing.
	So when someone's going to audition for Bill Cosby, everyone rolls their eyes and goes, oh, here we go.
	Better wear some yoga pants or something.
	So that way I don't have to find my job.
	But then, as my wife pointed out, like 75 women said that happened, and that's bad.
	So then I was in a unique position I've never been in before where I was offended by my own beliefs.
	You're like, McInnes?
	Get the fuck out of my house, me.
	You're okay with 75 women being raped?
	And then I said to me, I am, and I'm tired of pretending I'm not.
	And you think that's okay, don't you?
	I'm mortified by my own opinions.
	He does hey, hey, hey?
	You saw that?
	No.
	Yeah, he did.
	I thought that was a joke.
	You know what that is?
	That's bad adrenaline control.
	You're so pumped.
	He meant to just go, hey, but his heart's pounding went, it reminds me of my buddy was in a band called The Trapped, and they covered Mr. T Experience.
	Mr. T Experience did a cover of a Sesame Street song called, I look at you and sing a song about up and down.
	And his first night with the band, I was there watching him.
	Come on, you got it.
	And it's like, one, two, three, four, doon, doon, do, do, do, do, do.
	But he was so pumped that he went, one, two, three, four.
	Take it down or not.
	I've done that before, and I don't want to dig any specific memories up because I'll cringe.
	Can't give you my heart if I can't take your love.
	What's up is down, and what's down is up.
	Gotta go around town, not to know what's going on to the thing that I love.
	I love you, and you're a real cool chick, But I gotta think about what I'm doing that's up and down.
	I don't know if you're up or you're down, but hey, that's life, and you seem really cool.
	I want to love you, but I got a big heart, and I can't trust you if you take it apart.
	So I'm just gonna sit here and talk to myself with a bunch of me's that a guy made in post.
	Up and down, up and down.
	I'm going up and I'm down and I'm up and I'm down.
	Her song is like kind of better than mine, but it's not.
	My daughter and I are obsessed.
	I told you, we were watching the boxing and in between, like every commercial break, she's like, put it on.
	I'm like, okay.
	Can't give you my hug.
	Can't take your love.
	No, it was just cringing?
	No.
	Okay.
	But it was worse than cringing.
	Oh, okay.
	It was just kind of like fascination.
	It was like when you see those ghetto fights and you're just watching it laughing.
	Like you're like, this is garbage and I love it.
	Pull it up.
	Pull it up.
	Can't give you my heart if I can't take your love.
	And what's up is down is push, jumps, is shove.
	You got to know what you want and want what you do.
	And I don't know if I love it on you.
	Highs and lows are going up and down.
	That's all that comes up.
	No, I talked to dude.
	He said he was putting it back up.
	Ryan Rivera.
	There we go.
	Hey, man, I want to love you, but I can't love you back.
	And I know all the stuff we get.
	You want the intro?
	That's a long intro.
	This is like a 1990s music video.
	Alright, start from the top, from the top.
	Passing through the days.
	Passing through the days.
	If anyone sees me now, I see we see.
	Same way.
	I can harmonize it.
	But I never would have met you, never would have seen your face.
	If I knew that you bring us to this place.
	No one's fault without both.
	Shut up.
	I'm singing.
	No, I'm enjoying this.
	Taking all the time that I can't.
	Not too sure about your commitment.
	Taking all the time.
	It's very big.
	Gotta tell me so.
	Should we take it from the top?
	Take it from the top.
	Or just leave it where we dropped off.
	Should we take it from the top?
	Take it from the top.
	Or baby, just stop.
	Stop pissing, moaning, barking at me.
	Cause you probably definitely not afraid to let you stay.
	I guess.
	Has a memory and the truth of every moment that flies far beneath the growth we see.
	She jumped on with those guys.
	It's got a real Ani DeFranco vibe.
	Yeah, that was the inspiration.
	And if I can't be a little drawing when you showed your mom this video, was she like, Brian is beautiful.
	She doesn't speak that way.
	I know.
	I don't know why I said that.
	This is beautiful.
	He's so beautiful.
	Did you show your dad?
	And you're like, well, dad, what'd you think?
	Oh, I didn't watch it.
	I was so busy.
	Maybe I'll watch it another time.
	Oh, I don't like you.
	Oh, it's...
	I assume there's something wrong with it.
	Just my gut feelings has been dancing around with that.
	Yeah, everything you do, there's something wrong with.
	So I'm just going to err on the side of the question.
	I assume there's something wrong with that.
	No, really, what did your mom say when you showed her that?
	I don't think I've ever showed her that.
	Okay.
	Like, she just finds my stuff.
	I don't show her the things.
	So I sang in this other song for my band, this one, so I did the chorus.
	And my grandmother said, she's like, it sounds like the voice of an angel.
	So she's, you know.
	No, she's final.
	She's final.
	I saw my wife and my youngest boy were playing Scrabble.
	He's eight.
	And I was like, what is this song?
	Fayayal?
	This word.
	And he goes, flail.
	And I'm like, no, that's an I. These are all uppercase.
	He's like, nah, no, I think it's okay.
	And then I said to my wife, what's Fayayell?
	And she goes, it's flail.
	And I go, but that's an I, not an L. And she's like, I'm like, yeah, what am I doing?
	Ruining their Scrabble game.
	It's hard to play Scrabble with little kids because they don't know any words.
	They just learned how to spell like an hour ago.
	You've read 7 million books.
	And I'm like, that's not a fucking word.
	Anyway.
	When do you stop letting kids win?
	14?
	13?
	It depends, too.
	Like, my eldest boy is so good at baseball, he's better than me.
	So I can play him and I will lose.
	When we race, I don't let him win.
	And he's only 12.
	But it's very important to let kids win.
	And there's a way to make it challenging, too.
	Like, with chess, you try to set yourself up and you position yourself where you're vulnerable.
	So then you put yourself in a corner and then hope he sees the corner.
	So it's not boring.
	You're fucking yourself over.
	It's a challenge to fuck yourself over.
	That's good news.
	I mean, you're really good at it.
	It's one of your primary talents.
	Thank you.
	Those are my highs.
	I have my lows.
	Here's some new pronouns from a mental patient, 1-5.
	We're still in the feminism zone.
	She's got a great idea.
	Oh, it's Jack.
	Hi, I'm Jax, and I just came up with new neopronouns that combine he, him, she, her, and they, them, okay?
	So hear me out.
	They, them, theirs, okay?
	They, them, their, whatever you want to consider it, right?
	Let's take the first one.
	Thee, okay?
	This combines she, he, and they, right?
	They.
	The.
	That's what they said, you know?
	That's what they said.
	Next, we got them, right?
	Okay?
	So them, we got, That's just combining them and him.
	Them.
	You know?
	I went to a movie with them the other night.
	Last one?
	Theirs.
	Okay?
	It's just like theirs, but like also like hers?
	Thirds.
	That jacket's theirs.
	Yes, this just sounds like they-them pronouns, but with the new ultra-scientific method, we have them so they've combined he and she as well.
	Everybody gets you with either.
	This is a matriarchy.
	What's going on?
	That's just a lesbian who took a bunch of hormones, right?
	That guy sucks.
	And she took a bunch of hormones and grew a weird mustache.
	That's so gross to me.
	You know what?
	This is getting distracting, this shit behind us.
	It's a little...
	Like when it's an American flag, it's okay.
	Because it's got a nice wave.
	Because you're not distracted, but this is like TMI.
	We may have to rethink this a little bit.
	Well, we haven't really checked many submissions, and there've been more coming in, then frankly.
	I thought this was funny.
	Some illegal alien gets so horny that he tackles a woman.
	I get horny too, guys.
	I don't watch porn.
	I don't masturbate.
	So if the wife is not in the mood for a long time, my spigot is cut off.
	And I will catch myself just staring at someone.
	Someone when the way she parks her car gives me a fucking boner.
	But I don't act on it because I'm a civilized human being and a legal immigrant.
	But this guy's an illegal immigrant.
	And this is what he does when he gets horny.
	She's got some meat on her bones.
	God, I want to fuck her.
	Oh, I just want to like grab her tits.
	I got it.
	I just got to do it.
	Ooh.
	Takes her down.
	Like, this is cave days.
	Puts his hands down her pants, feels her ass.
	Probably puts his finger in her vagina.
	Grabs a tit, and he's like, I just had to.
	Sorry.
	Bye.
	Sheesh.
	You can tell he's an illegal too because he's overdressed in the summer because he's not cold.
	He's not hot.
	If that was legal to do, I would not abuse that.
	Of course not, dude.
	No, I wouldn't abuse that.
	Wow.
	How noble of you.
	If I was allowed to sexually terrorize a woman, I wouldn't do it.
	I didn't say I wouldn't do it.
	I'm a hero.
	Are you a feminist?
	I didn't say I wouldn't do it.
	I just said I wouldn't abuse it.
	Oh, she would do it sometimes.
	Only when necessary.
	I will say, tell me if this is unethical.
	If I was invisible, I might look up a skirt or two.
	Now, she never knows.
	Have I sinned?
	Have I committed a crime?
	I don't think so.
	If a tree falls in the wood and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?
	It's like going to the museum without paying admission.
	It's like, it's there to look.
	I don't know where I fall.
	Just this gumbag show.
	Here's another dude who just got so horny I had to just go lick a woman's butt cheeks.
	This feels like a good balance of Canada Day, some Joe Biden, and some just retarded crap.
	We can take calls now.
	Did you see that?
	Yes, I see.
	She's some old lady.
	I like how he tries to justify it, too.
	Well, you was bending over and it was there.
	Yeah.
	Don't bend over.
	And it's not even like her butt cheeks.
	It's her lower back.
	Is he sniffing or licking?
	Nobody knows.
	No, it says lick her buttocks.
	Wow.
	And then what does he say after?
	Lick her buttock and then told her to grab an item from while she was grabbing an item.
	He's like, I just got to lick that.
	You know who does that?
	Animals.
	You're a dog.
	Oh, good.
	They got a picture of him.
	I'll keep my eye out.
	I'll keep my out for old Nat King Cole.
	He's a piece of coal with a part of a lip.
	That's a bad man.
	Yeah, let's get a good look at him.
	Who does some bad things?
	There he goes.
	If you see this person in your ink blotter, please let us know.
	Okay, so let's take some calls.
	Play that cool song, thanks for calling.
	Now, this song, was it written by a viewer or is it a popular song I never heard before?
	Because it's really good.
	That's a good question.
	I don't know.
	People call me a cheap ass for asking for viewer submissions, but I'm sorry.
	They're just so good.
	Like the final video video, the fucking Ryan's, Gavin's mailbag video.
	I could spend months hiring and firing people and getting submissions and trying to find someone to do that.
	Look at that shirt, that MyPet Biden shirt.
	Or the Mom Culture Is Awesome shirt.
	Quality.
	Quality?
	You are on the air.
	Get up conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You don't need to learn, share this.
	Understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great to hear me from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	All right, so you got the mic here?
	Should I bring it higher up?
	Yep.
	Am I breaking the fourth wall?
	No.
	So we have a weird solution to the feedback with Skype.
	We'll get a better solution eventually, but now we use a lav to talk to you to avoid the echo.
	You at home hear this.
	Caller hears that.
	So July 4th, we won't be here, but of course we pre-recorded a show for you that's very America-themed.
	I hope I gave Canada the credit it is due.
	It's got some problems.
	It's got this like, I'm going to reinvent the wheel thing, which is annoying.
	Like, why not have two wives?
	Why not live in a boat?
	Because it's such a new country.
	They're always reinventing the wheel.
	How about a house where the roof is on the ground and the foundation is on the top floor?
	And then the home collapses and the relationship collapses and the experiment Collapses.
	That can be annoying.
	Or the whole like Justin Trudeau saying, the hardest thing, the biggest challenge of our lifetime will be labeling things correctly.
	He's talking about trans and stuff.
	That's idiotic.
	But it is a fun combination of American rednecks and British aristocrats.
	So you have guys who look like this who are really intelligent and sophisticated, but they can change a transmission.
	That's fun.
	And I kind of miss that.
	Although Toronto has become so fucking woke that, you know.
	Remember the time we're in a bar, me and my brother in Toronto, and word gets out that the Proud Boys guy is there.
	So women start coming by.
	Remember this story?
	We actually made a t-shirt of this story.
	And so this woman is staring at me.
	She doesn't have anything to say, though, obviously.
	And she looks at me, just glares.
	Remember the eyeball thing?
	And then she goes back to the back of the bar and just sits like this in a catatonic rage.
	And I'm not exaggerating.
	So I'm talking to my brother, and I go, I look back, I see her, and I'm like, what the fuck?
	I said, it's kind of funny, you know, when a woman is acting like that, you're just like, no, what's she going to do?
	Break a bottle over my head.
	I'll see her coming.
	I'm not, this, she's not going to have a knife.
	So if it was a dude, especially like a tall dude who had little tells, like say he had dress shoes on, like wingtips, but no socks, and he was like this, and he had a t-shirt and slacks on, something like that, and glasses where one of the arms was like a popsicle stick instead of an arm.
	You're like, we should probably get out of here.
	I got a bad feeling about that dude, and he's going to stab me with some weird piece of shrapnel.
	But with a woman, you're just like, go ahead, bitch.
	And so this feminist guy was near me and he's like, what do you mean?
	First of all, I'm not talking to you.
	I didn't say that, but so I go, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
	She doesn't have a knife.
	It's like if a dog was there.
	Oh my God, if a dog was mad at me, like some like basset hound was staring at me from the back of the bar, I'd just be like, okay, I guess that dog's grumpy.
	And I go, I know she doesn't have a knife.
	And he goes insane.
	He starts banging the bar as hard as he can, and he screams, dogs don't have knives!
	Dogs don't have knives again and again and again.
	Completely hysterical.
	And the bartender goes, you guys got to go.
	I'm not saying I disagree with you, but you're causing too much trouble.
	So me and my brother and like three proud boys were like, fine, fuck.
	Later.
	And we went down the street to some shitty super dive bar that was all, when you go to a dive bar in Canada, it's Indians and blacks and immigrants and stuff.
	So we go to some super dive bar that had really tacky decor, which we kind of liked.
	And it was, you know, First Nations, as they're called up there.
	A few black immigrants, like with accents, a lot of Pakistanis, some weird like Somalians and stuff.
	And we were like, ah, we can finally relax.
	We're away from white people.
	The racists are finally away from white people.
	That's what us racists want, to be with Indians and blacks and immigrants.
	And then we were doing Coke with those guys.
	We had a great night.
	Fucking me, right?
	And they had no idea who the fuck we were, right?
	So we got to enjoy each other's company, fuck.
	Didn't somebody make a shirt with that dogs don't have knives?
	Yeah, some guy made a shirt that said dogs don't have knives.
	Fucking.
	I'm sorry I'm not conveying it well enough, but imagine like, I don't know.
	Some guy was raped by his mother his whole life, and I was the lawyer who got her off, and I said, you were never raped.
	Like, he went that psycho.
	He was screaming.
	Like, I couldn't have slapped him.
	He was gone.
	Dogs don't have knives.
	Dogs don't have knives.
	Pounding.
	Because he was mad that I wasn't intimidated by this 30-year-old woman who was 40 feet away going.
	Because that's sexist for me not to be scared of her.
	He's right.
	And I was right.
	She didn't have a knife.
	Neither did the dogs.
	Yeah, I can't find it.
	I was trying to look for the episode where you showed the shirt or something.
	That's a task.
	We got Joe Rogan's podcast, which names Mickey.
	217.
	Wait, this is Joe Rogan?
	Hi, Joe.
	Oh.
	Go ahead, sir.
	I'm sorry.
	Happy Canada Day there.
	Guys.
	Happy Canada's B Day, guy.
	It's a hard thing to say Canada Day.
	Yeah, I'm totally American.
	So I was watching the censor TV where you had us kind of watch the Joe Rogan thing and see what was so offensive.
	Obviously, there was nothing offensive.
	I kept seeing, like, when you would get up to go to the bathroom listening, he would be like, so I think what Gavin's doing here is, you know, he does this thing where he's saying sensational things, but really, it's, you know, he's just joking.
	But really, he's just, you know, the whole time, he does that several times.
	And I was just kind of like, maybe he's just Gavin.
	Maybe that's just who he is.
	Maybe he's not playing a character.
	Well, it's weird because we really bonded after that first episode.
	And we would text each other all the time.
	And he brought me and my son to these fights where we had front row and shit.
	And I went to his show when I went to the green room, which was like as big as this.
	It was tiny at the, oh, fuck, it's on the upper west side.
	I forget what it's called.
	But it was like we instantly became best friends.
	And that night, I didn't want to wait around because he does selfies with every single person in the audience.
	So it takes like an hour and a half.
	So I just went to see Dante Nero, another guy who stabbed me in the back.
	And I said, I'll catch Up with you later.
	And we didn't end up catching up.
	That was kind of the end of our friendship because after I think I was on the second time, I can't remember when the Muslim one was, if that was the first or the second time.
	But he goes, Dude, people are calling me racist for having you on.
	And he was saying it in a really shocked way.
	And I was like, Yeah, that's the deal.
	It's clown world.
	Why are you surprised?
	You didn't, you don't have Google?
	You didn't know that?
	And then the correspondence ended, basically.
	And then we saw the Spotify thing.
	But yeah, thanks for calling.
	That was a weird kind of a pussy move.
	But, you know, I called Joe Rogan a pussy.
	Him being a pussy led to, what, $100 million deal?
	He's got kids.
	I ain't mad at you.
	I ain't mad at it.
	You want to say I don't like Gavin McInnes?
	If someone's going to pay you $100 million to say, I don't like Gavin McInnes, why don't I test it?
	Hey, here's $100 million.
	Oh, thanks.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Say I hate Joe Rogan.
	I hate Joe Rogan.
	What do I mean to be like, no way, that's my bro.
	I wouldn't take $100 million to put Joe Rogan in prison for four years.
	Like Max and John.
	I wouldn't take $10 trillion for that.
	Although maybe I could do it and then give them the money.
	And then just anyway, you get the idea.
	Buy a drone thing to this.
	All he did was not put my interview on Spotify that has like 6 million views on YouTube.
	In other words, everyone who wants to see it has seen it.
	It's run its course.
	It sounds like what the caller was saying is that he's trying to give you like a way out.
	If you ever wanted to be like, guys, that was a character.
	No, he was covering his own ass because he was nervous because I was saying I was dropping truth bombs, which never happens in L.A. Never.
	Never.
	Nobody in LA is dropping truth bombs.
	You have guys like Brett Eastonellis who say, maybe we shouldn't murder people who drop truth bombs.
	That's about as good as it gets.
	But no one says something like, I don't think Muslims are compatible in the West.
	They have a serious inbreeding problem.
	That's hate.
	It may be true, but it's hate.
	We got Justin.
	Hey guys, how are you?
	Hello.
	Good.
	How are you doing?
	Awesome.
	Gav, I just wanted to get your take on Howard Stern taking the entire summer off.
	It's kind of weird.
	What a fucking pussy.
	I'll let Crowder.
	Crowder always takes July off.
	Now he's having some big surgery.
	I think that's acceptable.
	But like, I would be really scared.
	I'm doing a show tomorrow because I don't want to lose you guys.
	If you're a restaurant, and I had a restaurant that went under, so I know this, and you start getting weird hours and, you know, your date, your anniversary dinner, and you go there and the door's locked.
	People start going, I'm not coming to this restaurant anymore.
	So I don't know.
	I mean, he's old.
	He's making $90 million a year.
	He doesn't give a shit, but I just don't feel like that's fair to the subscribers.
	Yeah, I could understand if it was like a free thing, like, you know, Kimmel or whatever.
	That's on TV.
	I don't pay for ABC, but like a serious subscriber, I'm paying to hear Howard, you know, every couple of weeks take off his entire three months.
	You know what?
	I think it's time.
	We're both stern guys.
	I think it's time to cross over to Jim and Sam.
	It's much more meandering.
	Like they'll talk about some old, they talked up today.
	They talked about Halloween, like the movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, and it's from like three years ago, where she burns Mike Myers to shreds.
	And so it's silly.
	It's real radio.
	Like it's not topical and they go off at tangents.
	So it takes a bit of getting used to, but it's much more pleasant.
	It's much more apolitical.
	There's no COVID shit.
	There's no get the vaccine.
	Wear a mask.
	Yeah, it's got to be true.
	You know what I actually did?
	I actually ended up canceling my serious sub.
	And because you've been doing Wednesdays with Kumia, I signed up for his stuff.
	And I watched his show today.
	I laughed my ass off.
	It was so fucking funny.
	Dude, he's just like him and Tucker Carlson and old Stern.
	And when I say old Stern, I mean 2015.
	Like if you listen to the episodes before Trump, he was still really good and controversial and the whack pack was great.
	But COVID ruined him.
	Trump ruined him.
	Oh, completely.
	But Jim and Sam.
	Go ahead.
	I'm sorry.
	No, the funny thing with this Trump bit, like, if you remember, like, it was like 2016 and then 2017, 2018, Howard was talking like, oh, I'm going to get invited to the Lincoln bedroom.
	I'm going to bang Beth in the Lincoln bedroom.
	I'm going to be the head of the FCC.
	Just you wait, just you wait.
	And then it was just like, you know, nothing.
	And then it was like right around when this book came out, it was like, fuck Trump.
	He never wanted, he's got too many summers left over.
	He doesn't really want to be president.
	He really, he just wants a sort of 10 teeth show.
	And it's like, I would love to know what happened behind the scenes because how do you go from, I'm going to go fuck my wife in the Lincoln bedroom to he hates Trump supporters and he wants them to die.
	Like it's just, there was something that I was saying.
	I never thought of that.
	I just assumed it was his trophy wife telling him what to do.
	But maybe he's a jilted lover.
	Maybe like a woman's mother.
	It's definitely that too, like with his wife.
	But I think there's something that happened where it was just like, no, go away.
	Like you're bad for the brand or whatever.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, there's like two types of people in the world or at least public figures.
	And there's the Joe Strummer guys.
	They're like, what's going on?
	Yeah, what you doing?
	Hey, can you make a video?
	My wife's, my brother's getting married tomorrow.
	Can you make a video for him?
	Sure.
	And then there's like the Howard Stern guys who Sirius had to build an elevator for his fucking car because he doesn't like seeing people in the elevator.
	So the car goes into the building.
	What the fuck does that cost?
	If it wasn't in the original plans.
	Right.
	And then he gets out at his office.
	Car.
	Car, elevator, door, office.
	Doesn't have to see anyone.
	Put a bag over your head.
	I'll pay for it.
	What is it?
	It can be silk.
	He wouldn't like to be looked at or something like that.
	And you couldn't talk to his guys like in the regular elevator.
	He's not a loving person.
	He's a bad person.
	Now, I don't know what, it may be genetics, but I think the real problem with Howard Stern is his parents were, they want to say politically correct, but they were cheap.
	And when his town, what was it, Riverdale or whatever in Long Island, on Long Island, went black, his parents were too cheap to leave.
	There was a mass exodus of whites.
	It got really dangerous and violent.
	But his parents said, no, we're staying here.
	They pretended it was because they're into, you know, multiculturalism, but I think they were just cheap asses.
	So they stayed there.
	And Howard Stern got beat up by blacks every day.
	And his takeaway is, bigots are evil.
	Same with Robin.
	You know, when they were hitting me, I was like, please stop.
	And I'm like, why am I telling them to stop hitting me?
	You know what I mean?
	That's kind of racist.
	And then Robin was abused by blacks too, including her father who fingered her regularly and her mother who would foster parent kids to make money and then just leave them with Robin.
	And then one white girl that she grew up with didn't acknowledge her at a party and she's like, I fucking hate white people.
	I love Muhammad Ali.
	Right after that.
	Yeah, they both have the same life story.
	We got Dave on the line.
	Dave, 604.
	Yes, bye.
	Wagwan.
	How are you now?
	Hear me now.
	Ride the Punani.
	Well, switch it supporting Dominion Day and all.
	You should be checking out Donnie Dumphy from Newfoundland, the East Coast, like you pretend to be from.
	Donnie Dumphy?
	Donnie Dumfey, having a time.
	Thanks for calling.
	We're checking it out right fucking now, Isty.
	Having a fucking time, fucking Donnie Dumfey, fucking hanging her down.
	Fuck.
	I love the Quebec rednecks because you'll have guys like Martin Leduc, whose parents are French, but they don't like French because it's like seems anti-Canadian.
	So they're French, but they don't speak French.
	But they still swear in French.
	So they'll be like, we got to get the fuck out of here, Steve.
	Fucking tabernacle.
	Look at that guy.
	Modi Chris.
	Anti-French.
	Anglophones.
	No.
	Yeah, buds.
	Donnie Domfie here.
	Still rapping, no jib rapping.
	People always ask Donnie, you know, what are y'all about?
	Well, here it is.
	Psychin?
	I remember this from Donnie Meyer.
	No, that's fucking easy to coast today.
	Made my first 50 bucks rolling smokes for a mother.
	First thing I bought was to case a beer in the rubber.
	I was born in the cabin.
	The bars were two.
	Looking at each other, you were dumb than Jews.
	There's nothing like sitting with a bottle of dreams.
	Didn't hey to jump to get me sprint?
	Then you know what that means.
	Jump down the night sitting next to me.
	I'm Wayne Grammy.
	She's watching Jeopardy.
	Yeah, get some information from the movie.
	Doom bed order wasn't going to be it was boo-boo-boom.
	Donnie, Donnie, Donnie.
	Brenda, what do you want?
	Take the floor, Rob.
	Take the floor.
	John.
	On the 50.
	Get her on the go.
	Get her on the grass.
	I don't mind on the front.
	I don't mind on the back.
	It makes sense they call it the Nova Scotia's on the East Coast, New Scotland.
	How is that different from Glasgow?
	That is 100% Glasgow.
	That could be one look head.
	All right, thanks for the tip there, subscriber fuck.
	Showing us the good shit.
	Who's an ex-caller?
	Fucking.
	Oh, we got to dip into the bucket of calls.
	Fuck.
	Oh, shit.
	No one's calling?
	No, there's a bunch, but I don't know.
	Dan 740 is your number.
	What's up there, Dan?
	We have just 10 quick things.
	Ryan, congratulations.
	Did you get a haircut?
	And Gavin, I want to fuck you with my flip-flops on.
	Later.
	Later days, Blaze.
	Short and fucking shit.
	No, Ryan didn't get a fucking haircut.
	He's got it all stuffed into his fucking toque.
	His little fucking hat.
	Oh, shit.
	The missus is going to fucking kill me if I don't mention this, but we have a registry.
	What is that?
	Right?
	Baby stuff.
	So if you go to buybybaby.com, it's a little bit more.
	Hold on a second here.
	You are soliciting free gifts for that's what that is.
	That's lame, Ryan.
	I didn't know.
	She's just telling me she's like, no, no, we're not doing that.
	No.
	All right.
	So don't do that.
	You do that for your wedding.
	You do that for your wedding and you say to your friends who are coming to your wedding, hey, here's our registry.
	Buy us stuff.
	You don't go out to 25,000 subscribers and say, hey, buy me things.
	What are you?
	Jeff the drunk?
	New Eric the actor?
	I don't know.
	I just found out what a registry was.
	Yeah, it's for your wedding guests.
	I thought there was a baby one.
	No, that's really tacky.
	Okay.
	And I'm the Puerto Rican one.
	Puerto Ricans, man.
	It wasn't my idea.
	So, but she's, I guess she hung out with the family a little too much.
	We got Mark on the line, fuck.
	What's up, Mark?
	Hey, guys.
	I just want to say I think it's easier for Joe Biden to go down in history as the old man that lost his mind than it is for him to go down in history as the crook that sold out America.
	And, you know, I think we're going down the tubes quick.
	Don't know about you guys, but that's what I think.
	So, yeah, I'll take that.
	That's a good theory, but I think you might be giving him too much credit.
	Oh, no way, dude.
	He totally is.
	I think he's milking it.
	You know, I think he knows that he's in over his head, and it's best to just play dumb.
	Yeah, maybe.
	So, but that's, I don't know.
	I think I would just be very quiet if I was doing that and just like peace out, you know, like not show up for work in a way.
	But the whole like.
	I think I wrote the bill.
	Yeah, he's calling out for help.
	I think those are, those are screams for help.
	I mean, some of the stuff he whispers, it's just you can't believe it.
	You know, he said, I'm going to get in trouble, you know, a few times.
	You know, they're going to yell at me.
	It's just, it, it just seems as though he's, you know, plain dumb.
	But that's just my observation on it.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	I don't hate your theory.
	It just doesn't feel right.
	I think that we tend to imbue the government with all this authority and grand schemes, and we tend to forget that they're just incompetent fucking boobs.
	And Joe Biden was just, he was Obama's vice president, and everyone likes Obama, and Obama's not running, so okay.
	And the guy is probably 10 years past the time where he could possibly do this job.
	So anyone with eyeballs, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm not buying it.
	I'm not buying that it's all a big scheme to cover his ass.
	I mean, he said years ago, like 20 years ago, my entire adult life, I wake up and someone gives me a card and it says what my appointments are that day and where I have to go.
	And then someone else shuffles me around.
	And he goes, if that wasn't going on, I wouldn't know where the hell I am and what I'm doing.
	That was 20 years ago he said that.
	So now, a man has had his entire skull removed and laid down on an operating room like a salad bowl, his brain fuck with, and then they plopped it back on and stitched a hole.
	Yeah, I think you're giving him too much credit.
	Next skull.
	Okay, stink.
	Is it stink?
	What's up, stink?
	Hello.
	Hey, baby.
	How are you?
	Oh, hi, lady.
	Hi.
	So I wanted to ask you a question.
	Yeah, that's self-evident with the call.
	So I lost my job last year because of just, you know, being completely ridiculous and saying retard is not.
	And I have a job interview coming up in the future.
	And I'm just wondering what I think.
	I just wanted to know what you thought.
	Wait, so you're fired, but you want to keep your job?
	No, I'm sorry.
	I resigned because I was going to be fired because I said retard and faggot, and then I mentioned your name.
	It was on Twitter.
	It was my personal account.
	Auntie forgot me.
	Anyway, is there any way that the people in this interview could find those tweets?
	Yeah, for sure.
	How?
	They just Google my.
	I had to change my name.
	Can you delete your Twitter account?
	No, I actually tried to contact a company, and it was going to cost me a couple thou.
	And they actually told me that it wasn't even worth it because they could actually get in trouble and get doxxed by Antifa.
	So it wasn't even worth it.
	What do you mean, the company?
	The school?
	No, I called a company to try to figure out how to get rid of my tweets that I made because I said those things.
	And they said it wasn't worth it for them to even go and try to delete my tweets.
	It wasn't going to cost, I mean, like, it wasn't worth it.
	Well, why can't you just shut down your account?
	I did.
	I mean, it's completely gone.
	I just don't know.
	Oh, I see, but it's still floating around as, like, a thing.
	I'm sorry.
	It's still floating around there.
	If they look you up, they'll see it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, if they looked up my old name, but like I have to like, yeah, I have to say, you know, like where I used to work, because I work as a public school teacher.
	And if they looked up my name, they would see the tweet.
	This is so easy.
	Look, I got it.
	So your boyfriend was being stalked by this woman who was obsessed with you.
	She got on your Twitter.
	She posted things.
	She would dress up like you.
	She accosted your mother, has a restraining order against her.
	Your ex-you're not with them anymore, but your ex-boyfriend has a restraining order against her.
	And she got you fired.
	She got, she framed you with a bunch of stuff.
	She went over to your cousin's house, dressed as you, and burnt down their garage.
	Oh, shit.
	And you that she's been arrested.
	She even, despite being arrested, she started stalking the arresting officers.
	So you've moved.
	Can you say you've moved?
	Would that make sense?
	I mean, I lately changed my name, Gavin.
	Okay.
	But could you say that you've would you get away with saying you moved?
	Sure, I'm sure I could do that.
	Right.
	So I moved.
	I changed my name.
	Don't say you changed your name.
	Yeah, okay.
	Say you changed your name.
	I moved.
	I changed my name.
	And this psychotic woman was not going to...
	Oh, here's a good one.
	You go, she's not going to define me.
	I'm not going to let her win.
	Now she doesn't know where I am.
	And I'm finally moving on.
	My poor, you know, she ruined my relationship.
	We were going to get married.
	And yeah, so anything you hear about her, she's not going to bother you at the school.
	We've finally severed it, but she sabotaged my reputation, this crazy psychotic woman who I never really met.
	Like her beef was that I was dating her ex-boyfriend.
	She's not part of my world, but that's what she did.
	And then when they call you and say, we have a footage of you at a Klan rally saying niggers are faggot retards.
	And you go, that was one of her most brilliant moves.
	She dressed up like me and went to a clan rally.
	Done.
	Thank you, Gavin.
	Right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Bye.
	You go, she's smart.
	She's one of the best stalkers in the history of America.
	I told that to my brother, too.
	I was like, dude, you have a black friend.
	Go into your office and say, this is my boyfriend.
	Please don't tell anyone.
	We're getting married.
	And I don't want anyone to know that I'm gay and that this is my lover.
	And you'll be unfireable.
	And he was like, eh, I brought it up with him.
	He told me to fuck off.
	And I agree with him.
	I was like, okay, I'm just trying to help.
	John Kids.
	What's up?
	Hey guys, what's going on?
	It's Canada Day.
	Yeah, that's fucking gay.
	I don't live in Canada, so I really don't give a shit.
	That hurts.
	You have hurt me today.
	Well, I'm sorry.
	I want to start off by saying the last caller.
	If that voice doesn't give you a boner, I don't fucking know what voice does.
	Yeah, I can tell she has a perfect ass, too.
	She has little tits.
	She's short.
	She's 5'2 ⁇ .
	She kind of has cankles, but who cares?
	If you wear high heels, they disappear.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Right.
	Who cares?
	Fuck cankles.
	That's for pussies.
	Who gives a thick size?
	A thick ass.
	She's fun.
	She's giggly.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah, she had that vibe.
	What a catch.
	What a catch.
	You might wake up and she's blowing you.
	And you go, oh, thanks.
	I mean, yeah, that would be a change of pace.
	I want to be.
	But anyway, so I just had a quick question.
	I had sent an email, and I know you guys get like fucking half a second emails a day.
	So I just figured I'd bring it up in call if I could get through.
	I have three boys, one of which is like not even two weeks old.
	And I sent an email about how to, I don't know if you have any tips on how to control your temper.
	I have a fucking terrible temper.
	Before I had kids, I thought I had patients.
	Then I had kids, and I found that I have none.
	And I just need, like counting to 10 doesn't, that's not me.
	I can't, I've never been able to do that.
	So do you have tips?
	How do you keep your cool around your kids and, you know, not flip out?
	I mean, mine will be six in August, and then I have a three and a half year old, and like I said, a two-week old.
	So I don't need any advice because I don't want them to fucking hate me later in life because I flip out on them.
	I mean, my dad, like my wife was really mad at me the other day because I yelled at my daughter for bleaching the carpet because she thought it would clean up this chocolate milk stain.
	And I said some bad things to my daughter I deeply regret.
	And she was like, my parents never yelled at me.
	And I'm like, my dad didn't just yell at me.
	He threw me.
	Like I was being tossed around the house.
	We always had, we have like a hundred holes.
	One time he, this had nothing to do with me.
	It's because his mom died and he was in a fight with my mom.
	I was in my bedroom and his foot came into the room.
	He kicked through his bedroom door and his foot emerged.
	So we had broken doors everywhere.
	Punching through the wall was totally normal.
	He never laid a finger on my mom.
	He was not abusive.
	But he had this temper that I don't think is the end of the world.
	It's not the end of the world to have a bad temper.
	But obviously, yeah, you don't want to say horrible things to your kids or you don't want to scare the shit out of them.
	But I've like destroyed kitchen chairs in front of the family.
	And I fucking scare the shit out of them sometimes.
	And I don't, you know, I don't really, I don't, I don't like smack them.
	I mean, it's, it's funny.
	My two kids now, I fucking, you know, I threaten to spank them or I will spank them.
	And they look at me and go, that didn't hurt.
	And I'm like, motherfucker.
	Like, where do I go from here?
	You know what I mean?
	You want to do hurt?
	Give me your form.
	How's that for hurts?
	I'm like, I mean, I could fucking make it hurt, but I don't want to, you know?
	Like I said, I mean, I just, I just, I don't want to do any kind of long-term damage to them because I, you know, I lose my temper over stupid shit sometimes.
	Corporal punishment doesn't work.
	Spanking doesn't work.
	I would do it if it worked.
	It doesn't work.
	They just go.
	Pain is something that happens when you do something bad.
	All right, I'll just take it.
	It's like getting a tattoo or something.
	It's irrelevant pain.
	But here's my advice.
	Leave.
	But what do you do?
	Leave.
	Something terrible happens, your wife trivializes you or something.
	You just go and you just walk out the front door.
	You go for a walk.
	You go get a beer.
	I hope you have a dive bar within walking distance.
	You get in the car.
	You just drive away.
	You come back five hours later.
	You haven't said anything that you're going to regret.
	And if you're in the car and this is going down, like I've punched the rearview mirror off the car where my kids are fighting in the back.
	That took me like...
	Oh, I fucking lose it.
	I can't.
	That's my biggest fucking problem is my kids have the highest pitched scream.
	And for whatever reason, it fucking triggers something in me.
	I want to kill them.
	Yes.
	When they scream.
	In the car, you go, that's it.
	And you stop the car, pull over, maybe you had a red light, get out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, so now your wife can drive.
	Now your wife can drive and you're gone.
	And it's, holy shit, dad is fucking mad.
	He left.
	He's walking down the highway.
	I think that's just as effective as, you know, screaming and punching holes in the wall.
	And you haven't said anything you regret.
	It's just like, don't fuck with dad or he'll disappear.
	Not forever.
	Don't ever fucking go sleep somewhere.
	Because then if there's ever a divorce, it's like he abandoned the children and he set up shop somewhere else.
	You only want to leave for like five or six hours.
	But I think it's a great way to not do anything you regret as well.
	Jesus Christ, I could see leaving for like a half an hour, but my fucking, my fiancé would, I would be, I would be in the fucking doghouse if I disappeared for five or six hours.
	That's my problem.
	Good.
	Get in the doghouse.
	She's in the doghouse.
	She's in the doghouse.
	She called you a pussy in front of your kids.
	You have to be gone for four or five hours.
	Yeah, I'm in a fucked up situation where.
	And Ryan, I hope you're listening.
	Congratulations on your little girl.
	But, dude, I hope, I fucking hope that you mesh really well with your girl and that when you live with her, you don't find out that you guys have...
	I mean, I think it's all women these days.
	I mean, I'm 30 years old, so we're in the same age bracket, but I think they're all just fucking slobs, and they don't care.
	They just care less.
	And I'm not like that.
	I'm going to stick around for my kids.
	I'm not going to fucking walk out because I'm unhappy.
	She's of different mind where it's like, oh, if one's happy, we should split up.
	But I came from a fucking single-parent household, so I'm like, no, fuck that.
	I'm not going anywhere.
	But Ryan, good luck to you, man.
	Thank you.
	I wish you all the best.
	And don't have any more kids.
	Live with her for a few years, you know, a year or two, and fucking figure that shit out before you go.
	All those issues.
	All those issues, I think, would have came up by now.
	Like, right, it doesn't take too long before you realize, because we've been living with each other for a while now.
	So you would kind of realize the majority of the lifestyle things that bother each other, bother you or things that you do that bother her pretty quick.
	So I think we've hammered a lot of that out.
	But unless you're saying, like, after a year or something or a couple of years living together, then more problems arise.
	And that sounds like maybe it's just a natural thing.
	But I appreciate your...
	Yeah, man.
	I wish you the best.
	I mean, really, I do.
	I mean, I grew up pretty conservative and, you know, I fucked up and got a girl pregnant.
	And now I was raised that, you know, I'm sticking around and fucking take care of my kids.
	And that's exactly what I'm doing.
	Well, make it work, dude.
	And be assertive.
	You know, you're driving this boat.
	You're the captain of the ship.
	And if it crashes or sinks, it's your fault.
	I agree.
	That's why I'm like, fuck this.
	You define the rules and you don't fucking lose your temper on her.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	And that is the end of the show.
	Here we are celebrating Canada's independence, which apparently is fucking gay, according to some people.
	Just one.
	One guy.
	You know, that guy, that last caller is having a rough time in his marriage.
	He's got young kids.
	Yeah, there's going to be rough times in the marriage.
	This is the problem with divorce.
	It's not as bad as it was with the boomers, but Gen X is better.
	One of the reasons they don't get divorced is because they don't get married.
	But you can have a rough time.
	You can have a bad year.
	You can have a bad couple years.
	You don't have to be drenched with lust every time you see them.
	It doesn't have to be your soulmate.
	It's someone you have a lot in common with that's best for your kids.
	You're best for the kids.
	You're both starting a new universe together.
	You're building a new planet with these kids.
	So hang in there and make it work.
	And don't expect fucking rainbows.
	And if you're the dude and there's no rainbows, then don't let her institute some sort of divorce plan just because it's not a fucking relentless orgasm.
	It's not a rave at Burning Man.
	Just say, we got to get through this rough patch.
	That's the way it has to go.
	Don't get divorced.
	It's cheaper to keep her.
	Happy anniversary, Canada.
	It's been, what, 1982?
	80?
	10?
	30?
	It's been 28 years you've been around, basically.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah.
	It's amazing.
	Well, 50 years still.
	But kind of 40 years.
	Yeah, not 28, sorry.
	82.
	And you're doing a great job.
	We love you.
	We'll have a show tomorrow.
	On Friday, we're going to start doing shows regularly, and then we have a July 4th show, even though we'll be partying upstate, lighting out fireworks.
	We like you more than a friend.
	And of course, don't forget to get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.

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