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June 1, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:48:37

S03E114 - CUCKBUDDIES

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	That is such a Black Sabbath rip-off.
	Yeah, even the tone.
	What's the Black Sabbath song I'm thinking of, though?
	Down, down, now.
	Danny, down, down.
	Snowblood.
	Snowblood?
	The guitars are exactly the same.
	Now that's Rush's epitome debut.
	Rush, obviously, that's what epitomis means.
	Self-titled.
	And Black Sabbath's epitomous debut, I think, was 69?
	69!
	So, yeah, Volume 4 was like their fifth album, I believe.
	That would be like 1973.
	All these bands you love, all their hits were in the first five years.
	Like the Rolling Stones, Satisfaction, all those great jams.
	That was all like day one.
	Yes.
	It's close.
	It's fucking close.
	The tone is really surprisingly close.
	Whatever, though.
	It's an homage.
	You were in Canada.
	They were in Britain, 3,000 miles away.
	We didn't have the same kind of availability to music that we have now.
	Like, they say that about Led Zeppelin ripping off Burt Janch, that it was more like, oh, I can play that same song Burt Janch can play.
	Almost like a sample.
	Because most people just played covers back in the 50s and even the 60s.
	The Beatles, the only reason the Beatles started writing songs was because everyone else was playing covers, and so they'd get on stage, and the opening band had already played all their songs.
	And they thought, well, that's gay.
	So they changed it.
	I was considering playing this song.
	It's the biggest song in Peru right now.
	In fact, there's special dances dedicated to it.
	It is a cover of Hotel California by a popular singer there from, who's never not been popular in Peru named Tongo.
	He's a very unattractive abo.
	There he is.
	Hit it.
	Oh, wait.
	He's not kidding.
	I love the shitty camera work.
	An iPhone would do a better job.
	Just use your iPhone.
	Oh, he's in New York City because his song is about New York City.
	The quintessential American place to go.
	That's your top saying for half a century.
	No more.
	Anyway, he's a popular kind of activist.
	It seems like in every Central American, South American country, there's just two groups.
	There's the conquistadors who are the whites, and then there's the Aztecs who are the little midgets.
	And we don't really differentiate here in America.
	We're just like, oh, that's someone Gonzalez.
	So he's Hispanic.
	Meanwhile, he could be from Spain and he had nannies wiping his ass his whole life.
	But they differentiate like crazy.
	And they say, we're the underclass and you abuse us.
	And we need rights.
	So that was his big claim to fame is that he was pro, you know, little guy.
	Underdog.
	Tiny man.
	I went to a Puerto Rican barbecue yesterday.
	How was that?
	It was interesting because there was some, there was probably about 10 white people and 30 Puerto Ricans.
	And there was obviously mingling back and forth.
	But eventually, just like French and English people in Montreal at a party, you segregate.
	You separate.
	Different jokes, different languages, different culture.
	All the women got up and did a dance.
	Weird little dance.
	That was attractive.
	We all enjoyed it.
	It's not like people were going, oh, there they go doing the dance.
	All the kids played together, which was interesting, right?
	They were all as one playing wiffle ball.
	But yeah, inevitably, different jokes, different cultures.
	You're all there together as a group, but you're not really...
	It's like New York City, right?
	The whole myth of like, we all get together on the subway, as the beastie boys said.
	No, not really.
	Businessmen hang out with businessmen.
	Yeah.
	Saters hanging out.
	It's not like we're all, yo, what's up, Rico?
	I mean, do you know that many Puerto Ricans?
	No, really.
	No, my family, but that's it, really.
	Right, because your family moved from the Bronx, and then there's not that many Puerto Ricans upstate.
	No, not really.
	Not a lot of Puerto Rican Japanese either.
	No, no, no.
	But then again, a lot of people from the city move upstate to where I was living because that's like far from the city, but it's like moving up, like moving up too much.
	Well, it's also affordable.
	It's a far upstream.
	Like where Alexandra Oquez-Cortez go.
	Well, she was in Westchester, right?
	Yeah, I see.
	Right, right, right.
	But yeah, there's different areas.
	Even upstate, there's like segregated areas.
	There's black neighborhoods.
	Yeah, Oh, yeah.
	Isn't Newberg black?
	Oh, yeah.
	Real.
	You know, a good white hack.
	You go to the antique shops in Newberg, and the blacks don't care about mid-century modern furniture, so you get way better deals.
	It's a great problem.
	And there's no fags there.
	Fags will empty out any antique store within seconds.
	They're locusts.
	They will devour all the deals.
	Same with black Americana.
	I wanted to start collecting like little jigaboo cookie jars.
	But people like Spike Lee and Whoopi Goldberg have just devoured that market, and you're not getting anything for under $1,000.
	Can't collect it.
	Rich Blacks ruined it.
	What would you call that type of stuff?
	Black Americana, it's called.
	Black Americana.
	And it is pricey price soprana.
	New York Post today, I really just bring you this to show you that these shows are live.
	City Squeegees are back.
	There's some other stories, but as I promised last time, I'll just incorporate them into the thing.
	We've got a green screen on Cuck Buddies today.
	And we've got Ryan's trip to North Carolina.
	We'll get to that in a second, but I've got to do the book.
	Here's a fun book, very well researched.
	Michael Booth went all over Scandinavia to investigate the almost nearly perfect people.
	And he's really debunking the mythical claims that Northern Europe's better than us and everything they do is awesome and the Danes are way happier than us.
	Well, sort of.
	You asked them when they're drunk.
	They have a different definition of happiness and they've just come out of generations of hell.
	So sure, they're happier.
	And how successful socialism is when it's really just spending their parents' money.
	Their credit card debts are through the roof.
	Their bills are insane.
	The cost of living is mental.
	So basically, this is a book you need to read.
	So when people brag about socialism and you say, well, Cuba sucks and China sucks and the Soviet Union sucks.
	And they go, no, no, no.
	I'm talking about Northern Europe.
	Not the top 1%.
	When they get Bernie Bros on you.
	This book is Bernie Bro kryptonite.
	And it basically explains that things are not as rosy as they seem.
	Is there a fun little YouTube video for it?
	You should do that.
	If you're writing a book, you've got to make a trailer.
	They don't do that anymore, do they?
	I don't think I even did that.
	I made a movie for How to Piss in Public where I pretended it gave women orgasms.
	And I was going up to women on Bryant Park in Midtown and having them read a paragraph, and then they would come.
	It got taken down.
	There's a book review.
	There's a summary.
	Let's see a summary.
	Oh, there's one by Michael Booth.
	I just saw it too.
	Summary of The Almost Nearly Perfect People by Michael Booth.
	Written by Alyssa Burnett and Quick Read.
	Narrated by Alex Smith.
	Introduction.
	Terrible.
	Scandinavia has been considered Frager U graphics.
	I traveled, as I said, repeatedly to all five countries.
	Sorry, I'm trying to entertain people.
	We can't bore them with that kind of shit.
	Bad move, Booth.
	You should have had a fun little quirky boop boop boop.
	This was the thing that you saw there, though, this is some problems that they have.
	High taxes, high personal debt.
	Did I tell you I made a bet about these Puerto Ricans?
	One of the girls, she's my friend's daughter, and she's about 30, 28, and she's dating a guy who's 60.
	At least.
	He's bald.
	Bruh.
	Wow, great video drop, Ryan.
	Bruh.
	Is that what you were trying to do?
	The kids know what that is.
	Bruh.
	What?
	It's like a meme.
	Okay, that's a kid thing.
	I'm too old to understand.
	That's why we hire young people on the show so they can.
	I'm also too old for that.
	The cool kid stuff.
	But I go, yeah, she's there with her grandfather.
	And my buddy Rob goes, that's not her grandfather.
	And I go, it clearly is.
	And I've been calling him Papi.
	And he smokes a cigar.
	And every time I call him Pappy, he'd be like.
	And I thought, have I got your culture wrong?
	I'm pretty sure the grandfather, the patriarch of the entire family is Pappy.
	And kids are Papi, too.
	Like when her son's playing baseball, that's how we know them through baseball.
	They're clapping, come on, Papi.
	Yep.
	But he would give me this weird look.
	And basically, in this context, it's the equivalent of Gramps.
	Thanks, Gramps.
	And I should have known that something was up because it's not her grandfather, it's her boyfriend, which I told you at the beginning, right?
	The bird, which is the bald eagle.
	And so I go, okay, you win.
	I think I bet him 20 bucks.
	He goes, I don't want money.
	And I go, okay, what do you want?
	And he goes, when I say now, you have to walk over to your wife, could be in 10 minutes, could be in a year, and you have to lick her entire face and then walk away.
	And you can't tell her why you did it.
	And I said, okay, deal.
	So I'm now living under the sword of Nowacles.
	Still hasn't happened.
	Still hasn't happened.
	No, that story is very, very old.
	But he was there that night.
	And they were playing basketball.
	We were all outside, of course.
	And he must have got hit in the head with the basketball like 20 times.
	It knocked his cigar out of his face.
	Because the basketball hoop was near where we were sitting.
	But we were agile enough to go, whoa, that was close.
	But he was just bonk, boom.
	Well, how was the food?
	Amazing.
	Right?
	Rice, chicken.
	How about that pork?
	Did they have that pork?
	They had pork in the rice, little squares of pork.
	Is that what you're supposed to do?
	That was good.
	Yeah, that was good.
	Then lots of dessert.
	I think one of the guys was stoned.
	He was my age.
	I think he was smoking weed.
	And I saw him just take some whipped cream.
	And I saw him just sort of go, oh.
	Like my age.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	What's that?
	You can't do that.
	But the Old ladies look hot too.
	Like the grandmother was the grandmother, but the woman my age, all like tanned, dressed up.
	They didn't have high heels on, but they had wedges and stuff, dancing sexy.
	Puerto Ricans, Italians, actually, all Central Americans, really, they keep trying.
	They don't get that fucking white soccer mom bob and throw in the towel.
	Look at J-Lo.
	Anyway, fun times to be had.
	One time, one of the guys, he was actually Spanish, so he has a Hispanic last name, but he grew up wealthy and he runs a restaurant.
	And we were talking about the local cops.
	And he said, yeah, I was beating the shit out of this guy.
	And the cops showed up and they shine this.
	We're outside in the driveway and they shine the spotlight on me, the headlights.
	They go, what the fuck are you doing?
	And I knew them, right?
	I bring them food and stuff.
	He had a restaurant in town.
	This is back in the 90s.
	And they go, this guy grabbed my pussy.
	I mean, sorry.
	Comedy and storytelling are so unforgiving.
	One blooper and you've ruined everything.
	This guy grabbed my wife's pussy.
	Just a big honk.
	She was the waitress at the restaurant, you know?
	And he fucking, he was drunk.
	They asked him to leave.
	He wouldn't leave.
	This is the Donald Trump thing.
	But can you imagine literally grabbing a pussy?
	The Donald Trump context was when you're famous and the groupies are there and they let you because they're horny.
	It's not a random waitress.
	Hey, honk.
	Which is what he was accused of saying.
	And the irony is, we can't even imagine that.
	We cannot imagine going up to a waitress and being like, hey, how's it going?
	Whoop.
	And not expecting a fork in your neck.
	So anyway, he's pounding the guy, sitting on him, sitting on his chest, and he's a big man, probably 6'2 ⁇ .
	Just pounding the guy's face to a pulp.
	And the cops go, to the other cop.
	And they turn off the lights and reverse out the driveway.
	Good old days.
	That was 95.
	Also in stupid news, before we get to your trip, I saw Army of the Dead over the weekend.
	I started watching that.
	So I'm excited.
	Wife's asleep.
	I'm bored.
	I got some brews.
	Got a pretty good buzz.
	I just want to veg out, not think about politics and the state of the union, and just watch people shoot zombies, which are great things to shoot because there's no race or gender.
	It's just they're zombies.
	That's why they're at a shooting range because it's totally apolitical.
	Shoot a zombie.
	Good.
	Dude, it's fucking woke.
	First of all, the hero is Pilipino.
	It's that guy from Guardians of the Galaxy.
	And you can tell, like, I don't know, I feel like the Northeast is more used to Pilipinos than the Southwest.
	They seem freaked out by his eyes.
	So the first movie he was in, Guardians of the Galaxy, they covered him in makeup, right?
	So his weird eyes were, he was an alien.
	And then he was in a movie, a detective movie, where he had bad allergies and he got like sprayed in the eyes with something.
	Oh, I think he had LASIK surgery.
	Yeah, that's it.
	He has LASIK surgery in the movie.
	So he's like this the whole movie.
	Like, ah, I can't see.
	Ah, ah.
	And then in this movie, they give him classes.
	Yeah.
	Hey, Hollywood, I'm okay with half-Asian eyes.
	I hang out with it every day.
	It's not hard to get used to.
	And he's trying to, he's really holding onto that hair.
	And it's not working out for him.
	No.
	It's strange.
	Yeah, he's really clinging.
	He's got to go full Hulk Hogan.
	So let me tell you about all the fucking tropes.
	They have a holding area outside of Vegas for people who are from Vegas and they can't get out.
	And it's supposed to be the women and children in cages, right?
	Wait, stop where you are there.
	And what happens to women in cages?
	Same thing that happens at the border.
	They get raped every day by ICE guys.
	What?
	Fucking...
	You know who rapes?
	Yes, illegal aliens get raped like crazy.
	They take birth control pills before they cross the border because they get used like fuckbags.
	Oh, look at that guy.
	That's the bad guy from that Netflix show with the black dude.
	He was also in Sons of Anarchy.
	Oh, yeah?
	He's the rapist.
	He rapes all these bitches, slaps them around.
	So we know when illegal aliens get raped, when they finally get to America and get to the cages, they stop getting raped because we separate them from the men.
	And our ICE guys do not rape them, right?
	But they come from what's basically a rape festival.
	It's a three-day rape tour of the border.
	But in this narrative, no, it's the fucking evil cop.
	So that guy you just saw, he dies twice in it.
	First, they throw him to the zombies because he's a pig, rapist cop, shithead.
	And then when he's a zombie, he gets killed again.
	And he's one of three white guys.
	So that's one white guy.
	He's a disgusting rapist pig.
	Then there's that guy, Deidre Dieter.
	He's German, the biggest pussy in the world.
	He shoots like this.
	The black dude has to grab the gun from him and show him how to shoot.
	The black guy is so bored of him.
	Oh, God.
	What a fucking loser-white piece of shit.
	And then the third white guy, that's the black guy who's sick of him.
	Then the third white guy is this evil monster who's about to stab them all in the back.
	So the only man with any kind of redeeming features who's not black or a visible minority, I should say the only white man in the movie with any kind of nuts and likability is Tignataro.
	Who's got a cigar in her mouth?
	Oh my God, she stinks.
	Riding a helicopter.
	There she is.
	All right, what do we got here, boys?
	She thinks she's Clint Eastwood.
	I know.
	It's embarrassing.
	It was a very cringeworthy performance.
	When she first...
	I'll try to find when she first gets.
	She's a helicopter pilot.
	Do you want to do this mission?
	I sure do.
	I got to get out of this fucking shithole.
	You don't even know what the mission is.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Oh, God.
	There she is.
	The crew is half hot chicks.
	Now, I would argue going into a city of zombies.
	All of Vegas has been walled off and zombified.
	Wait, turn it up.
	Holy shit.
	What the hell brings you here?
	How's the job?
	Sucks ass.
	What are you guys doing here?
	We are putting together a crew for a job.
	Yeah, what does it pay?
	It pans out.
	We make $2 million for one day's work.
	$2 million.
	That's my share.
	That's just for me.
	$2 million if it pans out.
	100%.
	I meant.
	Yeah.
	You don't want to know the risks or...
	Why would I want to know the risks?
	$2 million?
	It's a lot of cash.
	Listen, I hate my life so deeply.
	If I had $2 million, my life would change drastically.
	Yeah.
	Who ruined that?
	Yes.
	Her?
	I'm sure you don't want to know.
	I bet it had something to do with the helicopter.
	Yeah.
	I'm the helicopter guy?
	Yeah.
	Good guy.
	I'm the helicopter guy.
	I puzzled off a guy about three times in the movie, too.
	By the way, a little side note.
	Everyone thinks money is going to change their life.
	It's the exact same as sex changes.
	You put all your problems into this one area.
	It's the fact that I'm born a woman and I have a penis.
	And that's all your eggs are in that basket.
	Then you chop it off.
	And then you go, what the fuck happened?
	I'm still miserable.
	And then you kill yourself.
	Same with money.
	I need money.
	I need to win the lottery.
	I just, if I could get, I talk to people, I told you this at my gym, and I'm like, every time I talk to someone about the lottery, I'm like, what would you do if you won 10 million?
	And they inevitably break down their own life, but make it better.
	Like, I'd probably still work in a bar, but it'd be a nice bar.
	Would you still drive to work?
	Yeah, but in a Cadillac.
	Okay, so you're in a Honda Civic now, so it'd be a nicer chair.
	You don't need the 2 million TIG.
	Anyway, yeah, that was really disappointing that they managed to fucking wokeify a zombie movie.
	I mean, what do I expect when I'm watching Netflix, right?
	Spoiler alert, everyone dies except her, the cool young girl.
	Oh, she's the leader of the thing.
	Oh, that's what I was going to say earlier before I interrupted myself.
	Going into a zombie city and getting zombies, I would argue it's the same as breaking someone out of a jail when it's legal to kill prison guards.
	So imagine the apocalypse, and you're going to save someone, and there's no law enforcement to save you from killing prison guards.
	You still could not get in.
	But tons of hot chicks are involved.
	Look at them all.
	One, two, it's half hot chicks.
	That guy's evil, of course.
	Of course.
	Well, what's it to you?
	Well, maybe a lot.
	How much do you know about how these things operate?
	Everything there is.
	Lots of Europeans, too.
	Everything there is.
	She's from France.
	And then the loser white guys from Germany.
	Is that a thing where you get grants?
	If you showcase a German?
	Maybe you get grants from like the German Actors Guild.
	Gag.
	That black guy.
	That's another thing they do with movies.
	They make black guys so cool that they have no personality and you don't care if they die.
	Turn it up.
	My name is Titer, and I'm going to open what cannot be opened.
	Are you kidding me?
	No.
	We need to get to open the safe.
	It's rude.
	But he's white.
	Another spoiler.
	He's not really sending them there to get money.
	He's sending them there to get a zombie head so he can make more zombies and he can start a zombie army and use it as a military weapon.
	Which doesn't sound very smart to him.
	Did you see that?
	Chelsea boots.
	What a piece of shit.
	Yeah.
	I fucking hate his boots.
	He's obsessed.
	It might be a closet queer.
	He's like, his boots are so stupid.
	They turn him into such a cool guy that you're like, I don't know who you are.
	I don't know what your personality is.
	I know you hate boots.
	He's obsessed with certain types of boots.
	So when he dies, you're just like, okay, bye.
	I should say, if he dies.
	All right, we've got enough of that out of the way.
	My nose is so fucking itchy.
	Yeah, let's fucking hear about your gay trip.
	Now, I'm warning you.
	Yes.
	The second this starts getting boring, we're shutting it down.
	That is fine.
	But because we're considering moving to North Carolina, we want to hear what it's like, right?
	And yeah, let me start out with that.
	Okay, so we looked at this house.
	Well, the weather's good.
	You know what?
	Not that hot.
	I mean, it's not really into the summer.
	Spring?
	Not that hot.
	That's a stupid fucking house to buy unless you have three families splitting in a polygamous relationship.
	That's a retarded McMansion.
	It can go suck my dick.
	It's on the lake.
	Okay, even stupider.
	All right, so besides like looking at property.
	Why were you looking at those houses?
	For you.
	Oh.
	Because you said look at some houses.
	Okay.
	So did you look up like a real estate thing?
	How much were those?
	Oh, no, I don't know.
	They just looked like you could afford them and big and nice.
	I don't want a big house.
	Look at the lake.
	We were talking about that.
	Right there.
	Oh, yeah.
	Great view of the lake.
	It'd be cool to be able to jump out your backyard and onto a boat.
	Dude, that's what I'm talking about.
	So that's Lake Norman.
	We were near Lake Norman.
	Lake Norman.
	A lot of ladies.
	By the way, I want to explain these.
	I know this is bothering you.
	I just got these shirts from Nita Fashions, info at NitaFashions.com, and they come FedExed.
	So they're folded up into a little package.
	Now, rather than go have them dry cleaned, I have my own steamer, so I steam them.
	And that makes them 99% normal, except for the cuffs.
	And the cuffs still have the fold they have in the package.
	Now, obviously, after my first dry clean, this will be back to normal.
	But I apologize.
	You're going to see a lot of, I just got a new shipment of shirts, so the next few days you're going to see a lot of creases in my cuffs.
	And I apologize.
	That's not who I am.
	That's not what this network represents.
	And it will not happen again more than six times.
	Creases, cuffs, creases, cuffs.
	There's a meme going around about that, too.
	I am hearing young stuff now because my girlfriend's younger than I am.
	Oh, okay.
	She's telling me all these things.
	So Creases cuffs.
	You'll have to explain your youngster memes.
	So, Reese's Puffs is like a TikTok.
	So, that's a big boring building.
	Thank you for that.
	Yeah, we went to a college called Davidson, and the town was very nice.
	This is a thing that there's a lot of...
	See, here's what I was bummed out about.
	So she went there, and I thought that there would be like cool.
	The ghost of this guy haunts this area because it's old from the 1800s.
	The famous poem was written here or something, but there was no like cool tales of the campus.
	So you're saying.
	Besides this.
	So people kiss here, and if they kiss here, you're only allowed to go in there after you graduate.
	Then they will be destined to be married.
	Pretty interesting.
	So that's kind of...
	Pretty gay.
	Pretty gay.
	Definitely gay.
	And then I noticed there's a bunch of commie, weird, like satanic art all over the campus.
	So here's the one satanic bullshit thing.
	That's where you go to have anal.
	Yeah, devil anal.
	And here's some other creepy.
	Like, the new art is all...
	Is it not satanic and hateful towards the human form?
	That makes me think of like some horrific fire.
	Right.
	Where everyone died.
	True.
	And so this is the explanation to it.
	It's very similar to Marina Abramovic.
	It's Magdalena Abakanowicz.
	Abakanowicz.
	Abakanowicz.
	I was like, yet another.
	But wait, that's just the name.
	What's the definition?
	There's no explanation.
	You have to scan a QR code to learn about it.
	No.
	I don't want to learn about her satanic.
	Then there was...
	Yeah, why learn about things when you're putting together a presentation on where you went?
	It's probably about...
	I'll show you the Black Lives Matter stuff.
	For being North Carolina and a very nice...
	Why are you spending so much time at a college?
	Just to see some nice stuff.
	Ready for your kids to go there in 18 years?
	Dedicated.
	This is some research.
	This is dedicated to the soldiers and stuff.
	Okay.
	That's me talking about how I went to the college there.
	That's not true.
	And this is the town.
	So this is the town that you'd be near if you were to.
	Wait, what are you doing there?
	That's just a picture of you?
	No, it was a video of me explaining how I went to the college and I was making stuff up.
	But that's not funny.
	Let's see it.
	Let's see if it's funny.
	All right.
	I don't think it is.
	Okay.
	Let's check it out here.
	College.
	Yeah, close it up.
	I went there, college.
	Here we go.
	Okay, let's see if we get some laughs.
	Go.
	Nice hair.
	This is where I went to college.
	These are all my memories.
	Alvarez Court, I mean College Union, was special to me.
	After my studies, I would ride that swing in the park.
	After football practice, I would go on that little balcony up there.
	And it's kind of weird, but it's like Willy Wonka, where when you go up there, you turn small.
	So that, although the railings look small, you shrink.
	So obviously there's a physics building.
	And those bushes.
	Oh my god, those bushes.
	There used to be this game called Hide and Go Bush.
	Yeah.
	And I would win a lot.
	But when you lose, you bleed.
	You bleed.
	She told me to say something.
	I was like, I don't have anything to say.
	I'll make stuff.
	You clearly don't have anything to say.
	Wow.
	Standards are lower when you're in your honeymoon phase, I guess.
	I tried to save you.
	I tried to save you from that.
	That was brutal.
	That might be worse than, I can't give you my love if I can't take your word.
	What's up is down.
	What's down is heard.
	You're pretending you don't know the lyrics now?
	Okay, so that's a boring little...
	It's a nice town.
	Now it's boring, dude.
	It's not without its problems.
	Okay, a nice Memorial Day vigil.
	Black Lives Matter, not nice.
	Big old Black Lives Matter thing.
	Brainwashing our youth.
	There's the...
	What's a bird?
	Glasgow Street, don't you know?
	All right, thank you.
	Figured you'd like that.
	Lots of Black Lives Matter.
	What town were you in?
	Davidson.
	Lots of black history.
	It's like a paradise, but minus that.
	You know, people in dive bars?
	No, no, I didn't drink once when I was down there.
	Ben and John.
	During a vacation, you drove down to North Carolina and thought it'd be a great opportunity to not party.
	I partied.
	I had a cigar with my buddy.
	They have the cat in the hat there.
	That's still going.
	Two baby raccoons were found.
	Okay.
	We are about to shut this down.
	That's fair.
	I'm done.
	So first time going to country warehouse or whatever it is.
	What is it, Cracker Barrel?
	Cracker Barrel.
	Yeah.
	It's fantastic.
	And then the videos are these here that are dumb.
	Here's the lake that I want you to move to.
	This is where your property would be on.
	What's it called?
	Lake Norman.
	I don't want to move to Black Lives Matter Central.
	Well, no, that's Davidson.
	That's 20 minutes from here.
	Oh, here's that.
	What's the lake called?
	Lake Norman.
	Okay, let's look that up.
	And then this is some badass stuff here.
	And this is the...
	Is it Cracker Barrel?
	Cracker Barrel, yeah.
	We've been to Cracker Barrel.
	They're all the same.
	I've never been.
	So she asked me if I want a mimosa, and I said, not even close-up.
	What happened?
	What's the matter?
	I feel like I was sparring with someone who has the arms of a normal person's legs.
	This was pretty cool.
	This is blindsided.
	On Memorial Day.
	I have pugilistic dementia from the blows that this is giving me because it fucking blows.
	This guy had the original 13 flag on the top of the freeway there.
	Right on the back.
	And we beat.
	Before he's committed suicide.
	Correct.
	We heard a splat.
	After moving forward a little bit.
	We heard a splat.
	If you will, yes.
	And then people erected cranes just to hang flags to be patriotic.
	There was cranes there, and they saw it.
	While the cranes there might as well have a flag on it.
	That's true, too.
	So there's a big mountain that you'll see commuting from the home, the lake home to the studio.
	I was driving for 11 hours.
	Fun.
	Surprisingly fun.
	Surprisingly fun.
	And then my dad was there too.
	Basically, we are going to dina time.
	We have to treat my friends to the dinner because they have been very hospital to us.
	And then we are going to help the baby sit the kids because they can go out because they always hang in with the kids.
	But now we are going to treat them to dinner.
	You have to do something nice to people that have you as a home.
	Alright, well, at least that was sort of funny.
	Yeah.
	Then they got, you know, that's the college that I'll go to when I'm old enough.
	And, oh, this was weird.
	A steam factory.
	They just make.
	So they make steam?
	Yeah.
	Huh.
	That might be...
	Isn't that what they do with nuclear power?
	That might be a nuclear power plant.
	No, we looked at it and it said it's steam energy.
	Oh.
	And I wanted to tour that.
	See, that's the type of shit that I want to do.
	I wanted to tour that.
	I wanted to tour some caverns and hit some nature.
	But we were spending a lot of time with my friend Jared and his family.
	Very, very nice.
	And we just had a nice, relaxing time.
	Great story, dude.
	Thank you.
	All right, let's start the show.
	We've been talking for an hour now?
	No.
	A half hour.
	Half hour.
	Oh, then, maybe we can do some more stupid news then.
	Stupid news.
	Check out this first link.
	I forgot to number.
	It's between 12 and 13.
	Where this guy, he became famous, he's from Kazakhstan, right?
	The worst shithole in the world.
	Why does the dictator allow him to do this?
	He wed a sex doll.
	Oh, he wed two sex dolls.
	Look at him.
	Is he fucking with us?
	Can you imagine watching him fuck that?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	Does he make out with it?
	Imagine him washing it.
	Does the jaw open?
	It must, right?
	To put the penis in?
	I wonder if he makes out with her.
	Because he doesn't.
	What if he makes out with her and it tastes like dick?
	His dick.
	That is a conundrum that we fix.
	Gross.
	You whore.
	Slap.
	What if he beats her?
	Oh, my God.
	I bet he does.
	I bet he comes home and he slaps her around.
	And then she's lying like with her arm askew.
	He's like, what have I done, my angel?
	And then he picks her up and starts crying.
	Is she breathing?
	She's not breathing.
	Yeah.
	And then he holds her and he's on top of her on the kitchen floor, crying into the nape of her neck, and then he falls asleep.
	He cries himself to sleep on top of her.
	She looks alarmingly young, sir.
	Go back to the one above that.
	What the fuck?
	How is that an adult?
	Yeah.
	Maybe this is a guy.
	Wait, is he hover-handering?
	He's hover-handing her.
	Wow.
	Dramatically.
	Same with the other arm.
	The other hand isn't really touching her normally either.
	He's nervous.
	What are you doing, dude?
	You don't want to invade her privacy?
	What an absolute fucking freak.
	Anyway, he wants to get polygamous and get a man into it.
	I want to do a wedding of a male doll and Luna, and at the same time, I want to do the ceremony of life and freedom with me.
	It's similar to wedding, but not wedding.
	He wants to bring a male into the...
	She'll have a male and two women and then have orgies.
	Orgies.
	Now, orgies are hard enough with living beings.
	There's a leg over there.
	I mean, I've had threesomes.
	I never had an orgy, but even with threesomes, you feel like you're running a little party with a clipboard.
	Is everyone okay over here?
	You're trying to help everyone.
	I would imagine just dead legs.
	Six dead legs, right?
	Two, four, six dead legs.
	Just lying around.
	You're picking her up, dragging her over.
	I guess you prop two of them up on a chair and they watch you.
	Maybe he puts the hand on the boner of the guy and then he takes the other girl who's in the chair like a cadaver and he puts her finger in her pussy.
	So they're masturbating to you and then you have sex with that girl who's just nothing wrong with that.
	And then I don't know, you're done or you maybe you run over and you jizz on like the guy on his foam penis.
	Hopefully not, but yeah, probably.
	And then you wash him.
	We've really reached levels of depravity.
	I identify her as a massive chicken.
	The gym shark described, adding that his inflatable lover's navel has depth and can be used as a vagina and a penis inserted into it.
	What is that you got to do with chickens?
	Do you fuck chickens, sir?
	Here's a chicken, Greg.
	Do you fuck it?
	I got nipples too, Greg.
	Do you want to fuck me?
	Remember that guy with the chicken noodle farts that liked you?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Wow, that was an old thing.
	Yeah, that was a thing.
	Two Jews I thought we should check in on.
	Timothy Speed Levich.
	I think Speed comes from an addiction to amphetamines.
	I'm not sure.
	I have to be careful not to put libel myself.
	But he had a great documentary about New York a long time ago that we were all obsessed with.
	Very funny, weird dude.
	And here he is describing friends.
	He's back.
	I haven't seen this guy in 20 years.
	Do the first video.
	So, Central Perk to the Sitcom Friends.
	And when you think about it, what we're probably talking about with the international friends fans across the street taking a photo, it is a kind of a mechanic.
	Pilgrimages from all over the world coming to an end on an average day on this.
	The morning itself is a living art installation.
	As people learn English all over the world by watching Friends.
	There is kind of an analogous Western Wall here where the Friends stands right on it.
	And this is the analogous Western Wall.
	I can watch that guy forever.
	Back when he was allegedly addicted to speed, that first doc, I think he's talking about the Twin Towers.
	Maybe they were still around at the time, or it was two other towers.
	And he's like, there they are, magnanimous and brave, dominating me.
	But there's no victory in their subjugation.
	So they proudly dominate you, but they're not assholes about it.
	They don't brag.
	Oh, wait, he's in.
	I knew I recognized him.
	He's from...
	He's in this movie Waking Life that Joy.
	Of course, you would know the shitty part of Timothy Robert.
	Now isn't.
	But didn't I mention the ongoing wow is happening right now.
	I hate that movie.
	You just traced a movie.
	But find an older picture of him?
	Yeah, that second one.
	Oh, I guess that one will do.
	Maybe that's what I was just talking about.
	And when he was 95 years old, Les Radley said to me, I don't like New York City, but it's my favorite place to get lost in.
	If you take out the words New York City from Radley's comment and put instead the word consciousness, Radley's statement still makes perfect sense.
	In my own study of New York City, I would say that I get more lost.
	And being lost is a really beautiful feeling here in New York City.
	Because to be lost in the big city is to actually be quite precise about your place in the universe.
	My cousin Bruce watched September 11th occur with his own eyes on a rooftop on Avenue B in the East Village.
	So did I. He said that when the towers collapsed, he realized most of all that the vastness of the sky had been that much more exposed and that the towers had re-emerged, reunited with the infinitude that is the sky above us every day.
	The World Trade Centers did not die.
	They created more space.
	And we may be lost, but that's because we went on walking tours with him.
	John Joseph's walking tours are back.
	I highly recommend those.
	The guy from the Cro-Mags.
	I heard about that.
	He goes through New York City and talks about the history of punk.
	But you can hate punk.
	It's more like what New York was like in the 70s and 80s, being a street kid and a hustler and a homeless orphan.
	It's fascinating.
	Make sure you fucking tip him at the end.
	That's the thing about walking tours.
	No one realizes this.
	You got to tip the guy at the end.
	And then once you throw him like 10 bucks, everyone else does and it doubles his income.
	So it's free?
	No, it's not free.
	It's like 15 bucks, but...
	That's pretty cheap.
	I don't know exactly how much it is.
	You can do that.
	See, art, crime, drugs, and punk rock.
	I went on that with my wife, too.
	There was a lot of German punkophiles.
	You know, Europeans who were in their 50s.
	Maybe you can find a link for that, though.
	John Joseph Walking Tour.
	Holy shit, you're slow.
	Maybe John Joseph has a website?
	John Joseph Pro-Mag or something?
	The momentum of the show is coming to a close.
	Okay, now scroll down there.
	There should be a link.
	Find more information here.
	Click on that.
	Okay.
	Anyway, you'll have to look that up on your own time.
	It's ruining our show.
	Second Jew story was my buddy in Australia, Av Yamini.
	I thought this was fascinating.
	So it's got anything to do with his Judaism.
	Stupid link.
	But he's reporting on some demonstration in Melbourne.
	And the cops say, you have to take your mask off.
	And he says, no, I'm allowed to have my mask down when I have my microphone in front of my face.
	And they go, no, not unless, only if you're an accredited journalist.
	And he goes, okay, first of all, the whole accredited journalist thing, you guys abandoned.
	Weeks ago, you stopped that as a rule.
	Secondly, that's insane that the police define who is a journalist or not.
	So can I just get that apology on camera?
	Well, all I'm saying is...
	Can I get that apology?
	Because what you just did to me and a direction.
	And can you say sorry?
	Say one word.
	Say sorry.
	So we're just going to head up to the protest upstairs.
	But before we get there, I want to make sure you know what's happening because on Tuesday, YouTube, you may not know this, they're changing their terms of services, which means that Rebel news may be pulled off by then.
	So to ensure that you can always get our reports and they can't stop you from seeing the other side of the story, head over to your mini report.com right now.
	Give me your name and email address.
	That way, even if on Tuesday they do shut down our channel, I can send you the reports.
	YaminiReport.com.
	How you going?
	Alright, so come here.
	Yep, mask.
	Yep, yep.
	There you go.
	While we're talking on this, you don't have to.
	Put it on, please.
	The rule with...
	Put it on, please.
	So, hold on, can I just clarify the rule for months?
	You're aware of the rules, put your mask on.
	No, no, but the rule, the rule is talking on the microphone.
	I'm doing this, Bard.
	And you need to clarify the rule.
	Like yours.
	Your nose and your mouth.
	There we are, thank you.
	Like his?
	Like his one?
	Can you hold it for you?
	Nah.
	Okay.
	The virus, I'm worried.
	Thank you.
	So hold on, hold on, hold on.
	No, no, the rules here.
	So let's just clarify.
	The rule here for media is while you're talking on the microphone, you don't actually...
	Okay.
	Sorry?
	You are not accredited media.
	That's the point.
	You're saying I'm not accredited media.
	Your accredited media pass issued by Victoria Police.
	Victoria Police actually told us that they've cancelled.
	Your accredited media pass issued by Victoria Police.
	So Victoria Police told us...
	What a waste of time.
	No, no, no.
	So wait, so you're saying that's the case?
	this fucking COVID thing has really separated the wheat from the chaff and showed us who likes socialism.
	And I'm not shitting on those cops, I'm shitting on the dictum that they received where they have to enforce bullshit laws.
	Anyway, I just thought that was interesting.
	I want to jump into a bunch of fake news before we start the show.
	And we have a new bumper, Chaco Chip Media, one of our finest drops.
	Just arrived from a viewer who's a fan.
	No, I can't believe I just said that word.
	A viewer who subscribes to the show.
	And they...
	This is better.
	Let's just make this our fake news drop.
	Chocolate chocolate chip.
	Oh, yeah, I know those.
	It's extra chocolate chips.
	Nose is so good.
	Let's see it again.
	Chocolate chocolate chip.
	Oh, yeah, I know those.
	It's extra chocolate chips.
	Nose is so good.
	I think he even added a part of my sh jacket there at the end.
	Because it cuts off with the microphone.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You have to add that.
	Well, that was really good.
	Before we get to this, though.
	No, no, we'll get to that.
	I just, I wanted to mention this isn't fake news.
	This isn't Choco Chip Media.
	But DeSantis, day one, it's Pride Week where you're proud to be gay, which, again, totally redundant in 2021.
	But DeSantis signed the, it's not in the notes, the no trans in women's sports law.
	You noticed no one is complaining about trans men.
	Wait, yeah, trans men in men's sports.
	So a woman competing in male wrestling or male bodybuilding or male weightlifting.
	That hasn't come up.
	I wonder why.
	That's kind of the Achilles heel of the whole thing, isn't it?
	Yeah, so today, our first day of Pride Month.
	You know what I think is the deal with him?
	And maybe I shouldn't be saying this.
	I think he has Asperger's in a good way.
	So he doesn't really have normal feelings.
	So when people go, you can't do that.
	Everyone's going to hate you.
	He goes, I don't give a shit.
	But you'll be unpopular.
	Uh-huh.
	I don't care about unpopular.
	It is an irrelevant feeling.
	It is an emotion of the weak.
	Perfect politician.
	It's like when they said Ted Cruz, David Crossroom was saying, Ted Cruz doesn't care about you.
	He doesn't care about your feelings.
	And I was like, that's the goal.
	I don't want him to know who I am.
	I don't want the government to care about me.
	If I'm on the government's radar, we have a problem.
	Sorry, what were we going to show there?
	He looks like he's smiley, dude.
	Asburgers people not smile as much?
	Well, they can be trained to smile.
	Well, not only that, Tucker, but lost in this is we vaccinated now 3.5 million senior citizens.
	We were the first state to say we're doing seniors first.
	We're not going to follow the CDC's recommendation.
	And what we have done has worked.
	And they didn't want to discuss.
	I like how they spun that?
	They said the vaccinations are only for the rich and the white because elderly people in Florida tend to be wealthier than average because you've been saving money your whole life and white because, I don't know, I guess it's a predominantly white state.
	Three minutes ago, some bitch just said she was going to run against him.
	I'm Nikki Freed.
	The only statewide elected Democrat in Florida.
	It's corrupt.
	It's anti-Democratic.
	And it's time for something new.
	Like many of you, she's not hot.
	I mean, I would say good luck.
	I'd be a little nervous about Ron DeSantis not winning the presidency.
	That's not a guarantee.
	So I'll sweat a few drops for that.
	But Ron DeSantis not winning Florida?
	Are you out of your mind?
	Unless you provide free motorboats to every viewer, and I'm talking about your tits, there's no way you're going to win, my dear.
	Kicking out the NRA.
	Yeah, that'll go great with Floridians.
	Fighting racism, thank you.
	Fighting racism.
	All right, let's do some Choco Choco Chip Media.
	Oh, here's an interesting thing.
	So I'm very lucky in that I'm close with Matt Palumbo, who is now Dan Bongino's top researcher.
	So every time I see bullshit, I just go, is this true?
	And then he sends me a bunch of charts.
	And it's never true.
	The thing that makes me go, oh shit, that looks pretty bad, is never true.
	But anyway, let's start with 1.5.
	So there's this dude, Tay Anderson, whose trademark is a backwards baseball cap, even when he has a suit on.
	So he goes, I'd love to see where Black Lives Matter as an organization called on folks to riot and burn down cities.
	Pigs in a blanket, fry them like bacon.
	What do we want?
	Dead cops.
	When do we want them now?
	Do you mean like a press release that said, please burn down a city?
	I can show you infinite, like last show on Friday, no, yesterday, I believe it was, we had that one with the bullhorn saying that she can't wait for cops to pull over someone because they're going to get fucking shot in the head.
	So all of the rhetoric with the burning down is prevalent.
	I'm sorry if it's not laminated on a piece of paper that you got from BLM.
	But anyway, go back to him.
	I'd also love to know about the mythical organization of Antifa.
	Last time I checked, that organization doesn't exist.
	Not that it's not organized, it's that it doesn't exist.
	And then who's saying this?
	Who wants to normalize Antifa?
	Oh, a Denver school board member who has apparently been raping kids.
	Mostly dreamers.
	Not the cops, not the ICE police, but the activists, the thought police.
	Brooks Fleming told the committee 62 people had come to her for help regarding single individual, regarding a single individual, but it was Tay.
	Their experiences ranged from unwanted touching to violent acts of rape, she said.
	61 of them lacked documentation or recipients of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program.
	And the youngest was 14.
	When it says lacks documentation, it means at first glance you might think of the rape.
	No, they mean they weren't citizens.
	So this fucking pig that was trying to normalize Antifa and BLM and political activism and say white males are the problem with America and the patriarchy and systemic racism, et cetera, is a serial child rapist who preys on the weak, the illegals.
	Are you seeing a pattern here?
	So anyway, I'm checking in those tweets and then someone responds with, go back to that tweet.
	If you scroll down, they're like, where's the outrage?
	Per the Bureau of Justice statistics, white men are just 30% of the population of America, but they comprise a whopping 72% of all child rapists.
	And then they show that a white man who raped an infant daughter, which is obviously so unthinkable it makes you dizzy.
	So I just send that to Matt Palombo.
	I go, that looks pretty bad.
	30%, 74%?
	So as per the stats he sent you, whites are about 63% of the population and are perpetrators in just under half, about 49% of child sex abuse cases, right?
	Blacks make up 13% and account for 21%.
	Hispanics account for about 20%.
	So men tend to commit nearly all crimes, so you're not really making a point.
	Even if you revise the argument to more accurate, white men make up 30% of the population and commit 50%, not 74%, of the child sexual assaults, it would also apply to every other race.
	Black men, for example, represent 6.5% of the population and they commit 21% of the child to sex assaults.
	So it always seems to be like 1.4 more, right?
	So if you're 10% of the population, you're representing fucking 24% of the rapes.
	Now, so it's not a racial thing.
	In fact, it's disproportionately more with blacks and Hispanics than it is with whites.
	And it always seems to be about one and a half times your representation in the population.
	But what the stat I'd like to see, asshole, is the gays.
	Of the men that are committing child sexual assault, black, white, and Hispanic, what percent are gay?
	And with gays being 1% of the population, I think we're going to be very surprised to see how many of them are gay.
	It's definitely true with priests.
	Here's another one, another fake news bit.
	And when I say fake news, I don't just mean the media lying.
	I mean a lot of us are getting our news from social media and memes and shit.
	You're getting your news from jokes and lies.
	Oh, this was from a while ago.
	This guy, Wilfred Riley, I like him, but he does this thing where I don't know if people on Twitter realize that when you like something, it appears in your feed and we see it.
	And a lot of these older dudes will like some like 20-year-old hot chick going, haven't been this horny in weeks.
	Or like, what do you think of my new heels?
	Or like, this I like to call my cleavage shirt.
	And I guess they're liking it so they can have it in some sort of spank bank, but you're showing me that you're a perv, dude.
	I remember we did this and there was...
	Maybe he heard you.
	Yeah.
	So anyway, go back to his thing.
	So this is a conservative who says, hey, man, you know, I'm like you, but it's important to distinguish between edgy, heterodox information that mainstream media won't report and racist crap that's not true.
	And so, okay, I'm almost interested in stuff like this because I want to be debunked.
	If white men are out there raping kids like crazy, I want to hear about it.
	They say 13% of the population commits 80% of the crime.
	That's not even close to true.
	Wait, did we cover this already?
	I don't remember this.
	The black rate of index violence crimes, which is a problem, is max 2.2 to 2.4 times the white rate before any age or income adjustments.
	Keep going.
	Show this thread.
	And then he says, for anyone saying I'm exaggerating this trend, President Trump posted the meme attached meality.
	Of course, 85% of white murder victims are killed by white guys.
	Yeah, but there's not that many white murder victims, Wilfred.
	Don't let MSN dishonesty drive you into fringe.
	So then, oh, that's the thing you showed earlier, Ryan.
	You showed the chart too soon.
	You should have known when the chart says murder by race, not child sexual assault.
	Oh, I saw Age of Victim, so I thought that that had something to do with that.
	Yeah, well, murder by race is at the top.
	So when you want to see what a chart is, you usually start with the headline.
	That's true.
	That's why they call it a title.
	Okay.
	I figured that, I don't know.
	I thought you would have said something.
	Ryan, don't say I figured that.
	I'm busy here trying to do a show.
	You're pulling up the wrong chart.
	I dared to assume you knew what the fuck you were doing.
	Please stop with the constant excuses all the time.
	Every time you fuck up, you fucked up.
	The doc he linked to is of victim data, not perpetrator.
	But from it, even if you compare blacks and whites of the same age for murder victimization, and the perpetrator is usually the same race, the ratio is as high as 10 to 1 for those aged 18 to 21.
	Matt's got to do a book of all these and just debunk them all one by one.
	So no, the meme that Trump tweeted is not misleading.
	And go back, actually, because I think other people debunk them.
	Because he says 13% doing 80% of the violence.
	Yeah, it's way less than 13%.
	Black women, black men over 40 commit next to no murders.
	Black men aged 14 to 35, probably 2% of the population, do about 50% of the murders.
	Tragic.
	Averting our eyes won't help.
	What you report is factually correct.
	It's about 2% to 3% of the U.S. population.
	So anyone, yeah, everyone takes him apart.
	Oh, Steve Saylor will be good.
	In 2019, FBI statistics, blacks at 30% of the population, were 55.9% of the known murder offenders.
	Per capita, blacks were 8.2 times as likely as non-blacks to be known murder offenders.
	And again, they always say blacks, and we include old ladies and fucking babies.
	It's 14 to 30, and that's a fraction.
	Anyway, we all know these stats.
	But here's something.
	Speaking of stats, so Black Lives Matter, everyone's evil, right?
	We live in a racist society.
	We live in such a racist society that if I'm nice to a black person and give them a lollipop, I make a movie of it and put it on social media to show them a cuck buddy.
	Or actually, I'm calling them cuck buddies.
	Cop shot over the weekend.
	California Sheriff's Deputy has died after being shot following a pursuit of a motorcyclist who failed to pull over the San Bernardino where Mercedes is.
	We've got a letter from her from the mailbag today.
	Office announced just before midnight local time on Monday that 43-year-old Sergeant Dominic Vaca, a 17-year veteran of the force, so three years out, had succumbed to his injuries.
	The gunshot wound he sustained earlier today was too severe for him to overcome.
	Sheriff John McMahon announced in a video shared on Twitter, our prayers are with him and his family.
	We all mourn this difficult time.
	Go to link in our bio for more.
	Jesus H. Christ.
	That's brutal.
	You won't see that in the mainstream media, in the Choco Chip media.
	Also, I saw this in the newspaper, the New York Post, one of the few people.
	No, don't jump ahead, please, Ryan.
	This isn't in the notes, but I saw this in the newspaper, and it's not reported.
	Like, the New York Post is very pro-cop.
	Cops home shot up.
	This woman in Long Island, Natalie Iglesias, Natalie Iglesias, had her home shot up by gangsters who just laced into her house.
	How we doing there, Ryan?
	N-A-T-H-A-L-Y Gomez Iglesias, an off-duty city cop was grazed in the head by a bullet Monday when her home was sprayed with more than 30 rounds.
	Wait a minute.
	Apparently intended for her sister's alleged gangbanger boyfriend, police and sources said.
	Way to go, sis.
	Way to get them involved.
	Have you got it yet, buddy?
	Having trouble over there, are we?
	Yes, sir.
	Try the author, Joe Marino.
	Sometimes that helps.
	Why don't you let me type in the search now?
	I'll just show you, since we can't do it.
	Cop's home shot up.
	Very attractive lady.
	So no luck there from Ry Gai on the article.
	No.
	You could show that homeless man hit the dude.
	Not homeless man, sorry, black man.
	Punched an Asian lady in the face.
	Right in front of Wohop.
	I just ate there.
	Oh, so you do contribute to the show.
	I'm sorry.
	I never said I did.
	Look, what's he doing there?
	Calm down, everyone.
	I just hit a bitch in the head.
	Look, he sticks around.
	Why isn't anyone beating him up?
	Like, at least jump him and hold him down there for the cops.
	She hit me.
	Sheesh.
	Did you have knives downstairs?
	Didn't I send...
	I sent you the John Joseph link.
	Can you at least pull that up?
	That took me 10 seconds.
	One minute and 17 seconds I counted.
	It was on the video.
	But yes.
	Wait, what are you doing, dude?
	I'm in the emails.
	And it didn't show up yet?
	I got it.
	Folks, are you going as nuts as me?
	So this website is johnjosephdiscipline.com.
	When you go to John Joseph Discipline, he does a lot of like self-help stuff, you know, training and shit like that, getting your diet in order and stuff.
	He's a big vegan guy.
	But when you click on walking tours, they come.
	Highly recommend it.
	And he's a down-to-earth dude.
	You can shoot the shit with him and ask him questions and stuff.
	He'll tell you who killed Sid and Nancy.
	The 35 now.
	What?
	The 35 now.
	35.
	Still worth it.
	Yeah, give him a $5 tip.
	I would do it.
	Mass shooting in Miami.
	That's the 1-8 I was trying to get to before.
	Not on the news.
	Not on the news.
	Look, even the way they describe it, they don't...
	Oh, yeah.
	At least this video of mass shooter suspects.
	1, 2, 3.
	Scroll down.
	Do you have any info?
	How many died?
	Oh, two are dead.
	23 shot in all.
	Ages ranging from 17 to 32.
	Hello?
	Can we get that on the news, please?
	Can we get that on the Choco Chip news?
	And again, the news isn't doing it because the narrative is that we live in a horrible racist society where white men like Dylan Roof are shooting up everything and we have to fight racism, Black Lives Matter, Black Lives, saying Black Lives Matter is a big deal.
	I mean, you see politicians running with programs that say, I'm running for Black Lives.
	Like, Black Lives is a thing that they're running for.
	To make them equal.
	And you're going, I have eyeballs and ear holes.
	I go outside every day.
	The black people that are in trouble are most, for the most part, trouble themselves.
	That's why they're so badly overrepresented in the crime stats, because they're up to mischief.
	And I blame the Dems with their endless stupid welfare programs.
	Jesus H. Look, you can see by the smoke, the shooting's still going.
	Oh, you know what?
	Remember we said Freddie Gray was one of the O's?
	I was talking to A cop this weekend, and he told me about a dude.
	He told me about a phenomenon where people will jump in front of cars.
	Key Styles is his name.
	And what they do is they jump in front of cars and fuck themselves up.
	Key Styles.
	And then they sue the insurance company.
	So his contention is that Freddie Gray was trying to fuck himself up.
	And he'd, yeah, that was it.
	He'd broken his neck the previous week, I think, or month, being one of these guys who jumps in front of a car at like 20 miles an hour.
	You don't want to jump in at 80 miles an hour.
	But when it's local traffic, you jump in front of the car and then you sue the insurance company and you'll get like 10 to 40 grand.
	I used to live with this black woman who jumped in front of the train.
	And she was living in a very nice building that I was in the penthouse suite of.
	And she was like, really, and I think she was already that retarded.
	And she would jump in front of a train when it was going nice and slow and then get the money.
	In fact, she did it again when we were there and ended up in the Bellevue.
	And I was like, I told the Bellevue nurse, I don't want her coming back.
	She's a danger to herself.
	She almost burnt down her building because she was doing crack.
	And she lit the carpet on fire.
	And then she put a lighter underneath the water thing so it would put out the fire.
	But it flooded all the apartments.
	Anyway, so it sounds like even the Freddie Gray one wasn't.
	And my new rule is everything starts with Martin Luther King, okay?
	If you want to go back in history, we can do the potato famine, we can do white slavery, we can do the Scots being tortured by the English for 700 years, we can do little children covered in coal in the coal mines during the Industrial Revolution.
	We all got a lot of shit before 1969.
	We all had it real rough.
	Remember that woman who was talking about, my grandfather had no shoes on his feet and he fought with the Tuskegee airman.
	And you're like, yeah, all grandfathers had no shoes on their feet.
	How many of you have a grandfather who was driving around in a fucking convertible smoking a cigar?
	Every time you talk to someone, they're usually dead now, but most people like my grandparents age, my grandmother had dirt floors.
	I was perfectly normal back then in rural Scotland.
	So we're starting with 1970 from now on.
	And in that last sheet, I may have to update that because I had four O's, right?
	Two of them were horrific KKK things that the guys were executed for, but they were back in the 50s.
	So I think I should delete those two O's.
	And that leaves the other two O's.
	There was Freddie Gray.
	I can't remember what the other one was.
	But if Freddie Gray had a previous spinal injury and was fucking himself up so he could become the next martyr, you lose your O, dude.
	Tanya Anderson, that was the other one?
	Emmett Till was one of them.
	Emmett Till, yeah.
	Emmett Till and the little girl in the church.
	I don't know if we should count those.
	No, I didn't start with that caveat.
	I think we're going to have 1-0.
	Tanina Anderson, Freddie Carlos.
	So we'll maybe do an update and re-upload that.
	But 1-0 out of 50 years doesn't sound like it's a problem to me.
	But we keep treating it like that, and then we pose with black people and go, I'm breaking the mold.
	I'm not murdering black people.
	I'm actually their friend.
	I'm buying lemonade from them.
	I'm posing with them at a game.
	I'm buying them lunch.
	That's gay and boring and insulting to me because you're implying that I have a problem with that and you're blowing my mind.
	Let me show you what I mean by cuck buddies.
	America is a racist shithole where black people are abused, shot by the cops, and just generally ignored, treated like crap.
	I am going to reverse that one step at a time.
	I went up to one of them and I gave him some licorice.
	Isn't that sweet of me?
	No, it's not.
	Blacks are not.
	Again, we're starting with 1969.
	From that day forward, blacks are not human garbage.
	So stop blowing our minds by being nice to them.
	Your fucking cock buddy is not your friend.
	It's embarrassing.
	Remember I told you the other day when I was getting off the plane coming back from Florida?
	And that able-bodied young white man sees a black dude who's the same as him.
	Same opportunities.
	He's the fucking same.
	Stop it in 2021.
	And he isolates him out and he goes, hey man, is this your bag?
	You want to help with you?
	What are you doing?
	He'll get his own bag.
	Go give it to an old lady or something.
	Now, if there's some poor black dude who's been walking five miles to work every day and you all pitch in and get him a car, that's nice.
	But don't post it.
	We don't need to see that, okay?
	You're just being a decent human being who did a nice thing that cost you each like a thousand bucks.
	That's great.
	Now shut the fuck up.
	Stop virtue signaling because when it's cuck buddy based, you're accepting that we live in a racist America and what you're doing is somehow magnanimous.
	And that insults me because I'm in the country that you're calling racist.
	So let's start with the king of cuckbuddies, the guy who, very difficult dude to read.
	I can't tell if he's kidding or not.
	We watch some more of his TikToks.
	He's all over the map politically.
	He'll say a bunch of facts and he'll say, so what should we do?
	I don't fucking know.
	So basically he's a clueless retard.
	But I think this is real.
	Anyway, this is like the quintessential cuck buddy.
	This is the Jesus Christ, the final prophet of cuckbuddiness.
	You've seen this, obviously.
	What's up, white people and the rest of you motherfuckers?
	I'm starting a trend.
	Look what I got.
	One, two.
	Oh.
	Show them the bag.
	Let me see the bag.
	What is that?
	Seven bucks?
	Hashtag apology lunch.
	Go find yourself a black person and buy them some fucking food.
	Hashtag bag apology lunch.
	Yeah, I got it.
	I got it.
	I got it.
	So, how much is Burger King?
	Even if you're greedy?
	Like seven bucks?
	That's you getting like a lot of shit, too.
	Maybe extra onion rings.
	So that's two lunches.
	So he spent $14.
	You know what?
	If that's reparations, I got that on me, as Jackie Rogers Jr. would say.
	So the assumption here, too, is that like we're rich eating all this great lunch.
	We don't deserve it.
	They're poor and that's not fair.
	Sorry.
	If you're poor in 2021, you fucked up.
	It's your problem.
	Buckle down, get a job at Burger King, and you can eat all the Burger King you want.
	All right, so that gets us started.
	Here's the first one.
	So that's all right.
	That's the first one.
	And I love the line, look what I got.
	Number two, this one really pissed me off for some reason.
	Meet a new, okay, you have to translate for it.
	I can't read it.
	Met a new friend, T.I. Met him at Speedway getting gas, and I loved his challenger.
	Now that's his car.
	Apparently, this man works hard to pay off his car payments.
	He's got a challenger, and he works hard to pay it off.
	Okay.
	Every day in a lumber mill.
	Oh, no.
	You work in a lumber mill, you poor thing.
	What the fuck?
	Is that the new mines?
	To pay for it, so I invited him to the group.
	So I don't know what the group is.
	Some chat, some group chat, some Reddit thing.
	But why is this being televised?
	Why is this in my life?
	Which one is the challenger?
	Is that it?
	I can't really tell because these new muscle cars are like the old ones souped up.
	Yeah, the one on the right looks like, doesn't it look like one of the new GTOs?
	Yeah.
	Oh, so I guess they're in a car group.
	And he wants everyone to know.
	And somehow this gets out.
	Look, if you're in a car group, I sneeze on you officially.
	And then just like motor along.
	You found a new guy.
	He's got a challenger.
	What do you call them?
	Mopros?
	Mopars?
	You got a Mopar?
	Now you guys are talking shit about it.
	That's great.
	It's not a win.
	You didn't accomplish something by being Dr. Doolittle who can talk to the animals.
	We're not impressed.
	Every time I see it, I just think, fuck off, because the assumption is that it's pre-MLK.
	Number three.
	Okay, this one kind of has an excuse because it's a pro ball player's dad, Jay Morant.
	I guess he's with the...
	Who is he with?
	Oh, I forgot who he's with.
	He's with some weird team like the fucking Montana Rockies or something.
	The Jazz and Grizzlies game?
	That's the game that they're.
	Oh, yeah, so he's with the Grizzlies.
	His son is, right?
	But, okay, so, hey, we're lucky.
	I guess Ja Morant doesn't have a lot of connections and he's in shitty seats.
	His dad's in shitty seats.
	But we're lucky we got to meet one of the players' dads and we drank beer with him.
	Okay.
	But would you have televised this and put it on social media if it was a white dude?
	Just look at the tone here.
	It's so, I don't know.
	It's so like African conqueror.
	Like, hey, I've met one of the Aboriginals.
	We bought him some beverages.
	He'd never heard of the beverage.
	I had to tell him what it's called.
	Is that one as annoying?
	It's not as annoying, right?
	A little bit, because it's a celebrity dad.
	But like, look at the picture at the end.
	The way they pose with their catch.
	Look what I got.
	Look what I got.
	All right, we might let that one fly.
	Four.
	This one really pissed me off.
	And I know I shouldn't be pissed off about kids selling lemonade, but Snoop Dogg posted this.
	Entire procession of bikers stop at lemonade stand in Indiana.
	So the moral here is that America is a horrible racist country.
	Bikers hate little black kids.
	I mean, there are some biker gangs that are white.
	There's black biker gangs.
	There's the Chingalings here.
	They're Puerto Rican and black Dominican or black Puerto Rican, I should say.
	Then there's the Hells Angels are a white gang.
	They don't hate black people, but they're a white gang.
	You may have found one black dude.
	Okay, go nuts, but generally they're white.
	But bikers in general, they're not racist.
	That's not a thing.
	And the idea that we're blowing minds here by buying...
	Can you turn it up?
	What are they doing there?
	Isn't this...
	I don't know.
	The meaning?
	It's so insincere.
	You gotta get it on tape.
	Hey there.
	I love it.
	Let's make sure we catch all this.
	We post it.
	The one in the blue shirt.
	I'm not racist.
	I'm not racist.
	Look, I'm buying lemonade.
	Prince.
	Oh, what's that?
	Another $100 tip?
	What the fuck are they doing?
	Stop it.
	Go fuck yourself.
	I don't like this.
	It's virtue signaling.
	It's depressing.
	It's irritating.
	It makes assumptions about you and I, too.
	That we thought bikers were a bunch of Nazis who would never buy lemonade from a kid.
	And now you're blowing my mind.
	Stop blowing my mind with the obvious.
	Skinny person eats huge fat hamburger.
	Fat guy has a Diet Coke.
	Whoa.
	This is the perfect example, though, this last one.
	And it really got, this is what inspired me to do cuck buddies.
	This is the first, the quintessential cuck buddy.
	I started texting these to a friend just going, oh, fuck off.
	But click on this one.
	North Carolina breaking news.
	We got some breaking news, guy.
	Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
	Is it the mass shooting in Miami?
	No, no, no.
	It's this.
	If anyone recognizes this man in the orange shirt, you walk up to him and you shake his hand.
	It doesn't seem like the bragging type, so I'll brag for him.
	I love that, too.
	See what I got?
	I brag for them.
	While working out at Planet Fitness in Durham, North Carolina, a special needs man constantly approached him about 10 different times in a 45-minute time span with handshakes, hugs, questions, and interactions.
	Not only did this man smile, laugh, give him workout advice multiple times, and joke back with him while getting in his own workout, but he didn't care who was watching while doing it.
	Just to be clear here, a retard came up to a Negro and he didn't even hurt him.
	Isn't that fantastic?
	And he didn't even care that he was being seen with a retard.
	Oh my God.
	How brave.
	Because we know that if other people saw him, they go, ill, that black guy's talking to a special needs guy?
	Disgusting.
	He didn't care who was watching.
	So this is this guy being super brave by saying, I'm going to brag for him.
	Like, he didn't care who was watching while doing it.
	So he was nice to the guy and like, hey, yeah, okay, I'll show you.
	Hey, everyone.
	Everyone see that?
	I just showed him how to lift a weight.
	So I hope you saw that we're not all rapists and murderers.
	His patience, compassion, and friendliness was next level admirable.
	Next level admirable.
	That's worse than the fucking apology lunch.
	Towards the end of the workout, the special needs man approached me and pointed to the man in the orange shirt and said, that's my friend, with a huge smile on his face.
	Yeah.
	We've been around special needs people.
	That's how they talk.
	And when someone's nice to them, they like it.
	The pics aren't the best, but they were the best creeper pics I could take at the time.
	I was creeping around.
	And this guy deserves recognition.
	No, he does not.
	The world needs more people like this man in the orange shirt.
	Okay, let's do a test.
	Let's take a special needs person to every gym in America.
	We'll have to spread them out.
	Take every special needs person.
	I don't know how many there are.
	Thanks to liberals and abortion, there's a hell of a lot less than when I was young.
	Let's say there's 40,000.
	Okay?
	Let's take them all to gyms and they go, hi, can you show me something?
	You're my friend.
	Hug, hug.
	I'm guessing about one in a million people will be like, fuck off.
	I don't have time for you.
	One in a million.
	And that's being mean.
	Every other person's going to, okay, man.
	Yeah.
	No, you want to kneel down.
	Yeah.
	And then you want to get your back into it.
	And slowly and then wrote, yeah.
	Oh, you got it.
	That's it.
	Okay.
	Bye.
	Like a black guy acts like a human being and all these white people have to virtue signal on his behalf because, and this is why I fucking hate this shit.
	The assumption is that I think that the black guy is some fucking animal who's just going to beat up a special needs kid for no fucking reason.
	No, I don't think that.
	I've noticed a pattern where black males seem disproportionately represented in crime.
	That's not good.
	But I'm not a racist.
	So I don't look at that guy and assume he's a violent cocksucker at first glance.
	And I'm not surprised when he acts like a decent human being.
	And by you acting like I would be surprised, you're implying that I don't see people, strangers, as decent human beings.
	Well, fuck you for saying that.
	Fuck you, cuck buddy.
	At least Geddy Lee's voice is unique.
	Right?
	Um.
	Okay, I'm bored of talking about racism.
	Antifa.
	Let's do an Antifa segment, yo.
	Look at these fucking horrible, weak users.
	Fuck yo, dad.
	I was talking to a tech guy and he goes, good news, we're up to 26k viewers, subscribers.
	But what's better news is, in total, since day one, we've had 44,000.
	He goes, that's, imagine you're the Rolling Stones, man.
	Imagine you played a stadium and there's 44,000 people there.
	And I go, so 23,000 left or 13,000 left?
	23, 33, 40, 10.
	Yeah, 20,000 left.
	So imagine it's time to go on and you look out and you're like, well, it seems like it's half as full as when the opening band came on.
	And they go, yeah, half the stadium left.
	It's not quite so flattering.
	Was any of that to do with the payment process or where we lost?
	There's also the normal turnaround.
	Talk to any one of these people who have these things.
	People's credit cards expire, they go broke, they change their mind, whatever.
	It's not like there's a mass exodus.
	It's like every month you gain five and lose two.
	Anyway, I like to look at the dark side of things.
	I thought this was interesting, 3-1.
	The United Nations has decided that proud boys cannot be restricted because they have the right to free speech and the right to...
	Oh, no, wait, I got it wrong.
	It's Antifa.
	Human rights experts expressed profound concern over a recent statement by the U.S. Attorney General that described Antifa as domestic terrorists.
	They say it undermines the rights to freedom of expression and of peaceful assembly in the country.
	Like, who's had less peaceful demonstrations, Proud Boys or Antifa?
	Yet, Proud Boys are the ones in prison right now.
	And by the way, folks, please write Joe Biggs, Max and John, and Mercedes.
	Max and John are in a shithole prison that sucks.
	Their life is horrible.
	Their appeal wasn't even considered.
	We saw the appeal.
	We made a movie of it here.
	It was three black women basically determined to change their minds.
	I mean, sorry, determined not to change their minds.
	And then Joe Biggs has been in solitary confinement now for about four months.
	He can't move.
	Like, you want to talk about torture?
	Lock someone in a room.
	Human contact is how we define our sanity.
	But if you really want to torture someone, lock them in a room, deny them human contact, slide them food through their door once a day, twice a day, with no chance at, you know, talking to people.
	Wait, we can't see it because of that stupid thing.
	Yeah.
	So that's been double-checked, right?
	I should double-check that.
	I talk to his lawyer sometimes.
	I'm worried that's old.
	And then, so yeah, that guy needs someone to talk to.
	He needs correspondence.
	And then there's Mercedes, who I've been reading her letters over the weekend, and I'm just convinced she's innocent, and this is political.
	I mean, she was vocally MAGA.
	All of these people, Joe Biggs, Mercedes, John Max, all vocally MAGA people, proud to be American, loved Trump.
	And they're all locked behind bars.
	Actually, let's look at Mercedes here.
	I'm just going to jump ahead out of the mailbag just for a second here.
	No, I'm not.
	I changed my mind.
	We'll do that in the mailbag.
	Also in Antifa News.
	Antifa were not there.
	This is 3-2.
	The accepted narrative is that Antifa being there was a lie.
	They were not there.
	And that guy, John Sullivan, doesn't exist.
	Look, he's clearly on Adderall.
	This is a known Antifa member who has paid $70,000 for his Capitol Riot video.
	And I've double confirmed these.
	The FBI says they have no proof Antifa members dressed up as Trump supporters.
	I think he got Ashley Babbitt killed.
	By the way, that cop I was within the weekend.
	He also said Ashley Babbitt deserved to die.
	He said, let's not bullshit here.
	You're guarding the vice president.
	You hear a window smash and someone jumps through it.
	Phew.
	It's your job.
	I see his point.
	But yeah, the John Sullivan thing isn't some weird Alex Jones thing where a few freaks think about it and there's no proof.
	I sound like I'm disparaging Alex Jones.
	The way he's perceived is like on the fringe and has crazy theories.
	But John Sullivan himself was very vocal.
	He was on Anderson Cooper talking about his footage.
	And you can hear him say, let's do this.
	Let's pushing Ashley Babbitt.
	Not physically, but verbally saying, let's go, let's go.
	He convinced the cops to go away, too.
	He's like, I want you guys to go home.
	So just step away, walk away.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's tons and tons of footage of John Sullivan egging on people at the Capitol.
	That thing is getting fishier by the day.
	More and more shit's coming out about the National Guard being told to stand down, people being invited in.
	Look, they're staying in between the ropes.
	And while trying to break into the House chamber, he even volunteers a knife to help break down doors.
	But then curiously, at each police line he meets, he claims to be press.
	Then Sullivan does something really odd.
	He pleads with the Capitol Police to make a pact and let them into the House chamber.
	Moments later, the police step aside and Sullivan again incites the mob to more violence.
	Let's go!
	Let's go!
	Pretty big.
	This trial, though, is going to be going so slowly as Joe Big fucking rots in prison away from his daughter.
	Where's his poor daughter?
	Rufio, too.
	And Ethan Nordine, yeah.
	The exact same story.
	Oh, we should get Ethan Nordine's info to write him.
	Here's something that's going on.
	Where the fuck's Andy No?
	This guy posts about every two, three hours.
	He hasn't posted in three days.
	And this is his last post.
	I can't find anything in the news about him.
	Every time you look him up, you just see people saying, where'd he go?
	Is he okay?
	Weird, huh?
	All right, let's go to the mailbag.
	I got to take my daughter to boxing.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dance.
	Let's turn our fries together's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Okay, letters from Mercedes.
	Unauthorized items form.
	Some woman named Erica.
	I'll call you Erica N. You sent greeting cards.
	They are not accepted.
	Not accepted by the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	Also, folks, unauthorized stained paper envelope.
	So this is from a guy named Mark B. I don't believe Mercedes doesn't believe it was stained, but you know that you can't.
	I used to send them my kids' drawings sometimes, but they get sent back because they're worried that the markers have LSD or something in them.
	So you can really just send normal white paper with black ink.
	Any kind of color they think is something.
	Gavin, it's so good to speak with you, albeit briefly the other evening.
	So she means the, I think she means the call where we had it on.
	She goes, my pub sounds like a great place.
	I'm glad you've spoken with Randaza lately, Mark Randaza.
	He's been more accessible to me, for which I am grateful.
	It's evident to more and more people these days I'm more political prisoner than child abuser.
	Yes, and that's true of me.
	I let doubt creep in last week, but then you go over it all and you realize she's a political prisoner just like all my other friends.
	John, Max, Ethan, Joe.
	I have four friends in prison.
	Four political prisoners.
	But they really tried their best to dismirch me in this Godforsaken place.
	I've had to wage a Mini war just to be treated fairly.
	Oh, yeah, because she's known as a child molester in the prison.
	So you go to this special area so you don't get stabbed.
	And then the people there who work there hate your guts because they assume you're guilty.
	There are laundry room serfs, convicts.
	The people who work there are convicts, the one who treat them like shit.
	But when you're in productive custody, you're treated really badly.
	As it is, I still have a blanket that belongs in a hazmat dumpster.
	It's got bloodstains all over it from some disgusting woman's menstrual blood.
	And my socks have a huge hole in them.
	That's right, I have huge holes in them.
	These are the conditions I'm forced to live in.
	Jail is much worse in prison, especially San Bernardino County Jail.
	That's where that cop was shot.
	Did I mention we only get one set of clothes a week?
	But we can't buy them, and we only get one blanket and can only exchange it once monthly.
	They're so broke, this is why they make bail inaccessible.
	They don't want anyone to leave.
	And then she talks about the letters that got sent back.
	She calls bullshit that the letter got stained in transit somehow.
	My dear friend John, who watches your show, was telling me you show the difference between Russian versus military recruitment ads.
	I really am so disheartened, but I have to say after this Chauvin verdict, the police should be concerned as their immunity is now removed.
	They're now culpable for murder for every dumb drug addict that dies on their watch.
	I'd be finding another profession stat.
	She writes very fancy, so it's hard to hear.
	Which reminds me that I got a letter from John recently.
	I don't know if I can read.
	Where are we here?
	Sorry.
	This JPEG is constantly logging me off and rejecting my credit cards and demanding location accuracy and loading and loading.
	I'm not a fan, but it's a great way to send them money and to send them letters.
	Once you get their DIN number, you can just fill up their books with a few clicks and send them a letter.
	This is from John.
	Hey, Gavin, I would ask how things are going, but it sounds like that islander with the overwhelming perfume is kind of ruining your good time.
	You know me, I like to send people messages in prison that are stupid.
	Like with Tommy Robinson, I talk about fries.
	And then with my friend with John here, I talk about how at my local, there's this woman from Trinidad.
	Dude, something is up with my bar these days.
	I think there's feds all over it.
	Because this woman comes in from Trinidad.
	She dresses like she's going to the Academy Awards.
	She's got her hair up, jewels in her hair, stilettos.
	Attractive lady.
	Won't see the body.
	Bit of a butterface.
	And she's very uptight.
	Like she chastised me once for saying fag.
	I told you that, right?
	When I'm like, it's illegal to be gay in Trinidad.
	So I take it easy on the homophobia policing.
	And she's very like sort of buttoned up, right?
	And it's a dive bar.
	It's all disgusting men telling gross jokes.
	I don't know what the fuck she's doing there.
	Everyone treats her very well, by the way.
	So she's doing an expose on a racist bar.
	It's not going to happen.
	And the problem with her is her fucking perfume reeks up the entire bar.
	Like you have to hide in the corner.
	I hate perfume.
	All perfume.
	Despise it.
	There's no such thing as good perfume.
	I'm actually getting mad talking about it.
	So she's coming in and she's coming from Yonkers.
	So it's like $30 there, $30 back.
	So $60 to hang out with old men in a dive bar.
	There's no chance of meeting Mr. Wright.
	We're all retired and ugly or married.
	And then there's this other dude who comes in, muscular dude, really friendly, wants to talk, knows who I am, right?
	Muscular with no tattoos, which is kind of weird in this day and age, don't you think?
	Like, I know guys that aren't muscular that don't have tattoos, they have low T. But when you have tattoos, when you're big and you don't have tattoos, and you're not like...
	Cop, Marine.
	Even Marines get tattoos.
	Marines get tattoos.
	It just seems very copy.
	C-I-A-E.
	Anyway, he's like this dude who comes in and he doesn't seem to know about a lot of stuff.
	You know, he's not like an eager beaver who's like, oh yeah, I know that band.
	That's their third album.
	You know, people who don't know about stuff, like they don't even know that the font says AE.
	Okay.
	And then anytime crime comes up, the guy's a fucking raging expert.
	So I'm talking to this biker and I go, what are the top four clubs now again?
	And he's like, I forget what it is.
	Maybe you could look it up.
	It's like the Pagans, the Hell's Angels.
	I think the Banditos.
	I don't want to disparage anyone here.
	You know what?
	I don't think the Banditos are in.
	Anyway, there's four.
	And then I go, why not the Banditos?
	I thought they were a big deal.
	The Mongols, I think, are one.
	And he goes, then this guy, Muscle Man with the no tattoos, jumps in.
	And he's like, oh, yeah, well, the Banditos had that fight with Hell's Angels, and then they got subsumed.
	They got taken in by the pagans, and then the blah, blah, blah.
	And you're like, the biker I was talking to, who spent 15 years in the club, knew that.
	But who the fuck else knows why someone is in the top four if you're not a biker?
	Is there a non-biker in the entire country who knows who the top four is and why they're in the top four and why someone didn't make the cuts?
	Doesn't that seem weird?
	But it gets weirder.
	So another time we're at the bar and I'm talking with an ex-con who's an older guy.
	And he goes, yeah, I was in the slammer with this guy.
	And his name, I had to write it down because I knew I was going to forget.
	Did I tell you this already?
	Ricky Ticks?
	Oh.
	Maybe I texted it to myself.
	Shit.
	I got to get better note-taking.
	He's called Ticks because he takes a lick at it and keeps on ticking.
	He's been like shot at.
	But he was, I forget his name, but it's something, Eric Ticks, Ricky Ticks.
	Fuck.
	Sorry about this, guys.
	This isn't very.
	Key Styles.
	We got Key Styles.
	Christy Tickfernari.
	So he's in there with Christy Tick Fernari.
	Dude, Christy Tickfernari was born in 1920.
	He was like there for prohibition, basically.
	No one's heard of Christy Tick Fanari.
	Look at him.
	When the guy I was talking to was in with him, the guy was in his 90s.
	And again, Mr. Tattoolist is like, oh yeah, Christy Tick Fanari takes a look and keeps on ticking, huh?
	What?
	How do you know who this guy is?
	Look at all these pictures of him.
	They're from the fucking 60s.
	And he's old in them.
	That's the end of his career.
	And then it also came out that he was with some other guy named Spanish Carmine.
	And again, the dude knew who Spanish Carmine is.
	Whoa.
	He's a spook.
	Have you ever heard of the name Spanish?
	Look up Spanish Carmine.
	The only person I know who knows any of these people are is named Google.
	My friend Google's familiar with all these.
	So now, the thing I keep saying about it is, okay, so say you're a crime nut.
	Galante.
	That's who you would be.
	Like it would come out with other things.
	Like you'd be talking about the Mets and they go, well, that's a thing.
	It's like the Gambino family.
	You know, you got to keep trying and trying.
	The next thing you know, you're a Scarvesi and then you're as big as like, say, Spanish Carmine.
	Like it would infiltrate the rest of your conversation, but no.
	No crime, no crime until we're talking about crime.
	And then he jumps in with a Google brain.
	Fishy stuff.
	And it'll be even fishier if he stops coming to the bar immediately after this episode.
	Anyway, I'm talking to this buddy of mine about the spooks at the bar.
	And I realized I'm talking to someone who had the feds chase him down for nine years.
	And eventually he did a total of 10 years.
	And it was all thanks to the feds.
	And they terrorized his fiancé and said, we're going to keep doing this for the rest of your life if you guys get married.
	We're never going to let it go.
	So she dumped him.
	I'm like, maybe I shouldn't be complaining about strange hunches at a bar that have cost me nothing so far when they threw you in prison for bullshit drug charges.
	So yeah, we want to find out what's going on with Andy No.
	He's...
	Wait, what am I talking about?
	There's this stuff.
	Oh, you said, you know.
	So he went to a thing.
	Yeah, that's a left-wing opinion.
	I think what might have happened is he got, he was at some Antifa thing.
	They beat the living shit out of him.
	His mother had a panic attack and was hospitalized.
	And his parents have begged him to stop doing this because it's killing them.
	This is my theory.
	I just made it up.
	It's pretty good.
	Okay.
	It sounds like that Islander with the overwhelming...
	This is John Kinsman talking.
	Ruining your good time.
	The perfume isn't even good either.
	It smells like pesticide?
	It does.
	It smells like off.
	And again, sorry to go off at a wild tangent.
	I like to keep it light.
	So I talk to Tommy about fries.
	I talk to this about perfume.
	The story I just told you, I don't think I would even tell because it's too crime-laden and it might get censored.
	I just talk about stupid shit.
	Like I got some fucking vintage Air Jordans and they hurt my feet.
	I stopped wearing them.
	Next time she comes in the bar with that bullshit, you can do what I do.
	Dig your finger all up your ass, then pick your nose.
	It works every time.
	Good to know.
	So this inmate walks into his cube and since he doesn't have a belt, his pants fell down, underwear included.
	Then he bends over to pick up his pants, but he slipped and fell on his bed.
	I guess somebody balanced a 24-ounce bottle on his bed standing upside down and he accidentally fell on it, asshole first.
	It went up his ass all the way, fat end first, and got stuck.
	He figured he would shit it out later, but when it didn't come out, he decided to go to the infirmary and have it removed.
	That's the official story.
	Another inmate got a visit from his wife.
	When done, he had to get searched on the way out.
	It involves getting butt-naked, spreading your fingers and toes, yanking open your mouth, picking up your balls, separating the testicles from the shaft, and spreading your butt cheeks while the CEO looks really closely.
	Well, when this inmate spread his butt cheeks, the CEO sees a hemorrhoid.
	He thinks it's drugs.
	So he tackles the guy, calls in other CEOs, and tells them to hold the inmate down and open his ass.
	Now the CEO, oh God, is digging around up his inmate's asshole, trying to get a good grip on this hemorrhoid.
	And this inmate is kicking and screaming, crying, ah, please stop.
	That's all me.
	Anyone who hasn't had a hemorrhoid before can sympathize with this story.
	Dude, it is the Vietnam of butt disease.
	Like, I'll be laughing and someone will be like, I had a hemorrhoid, and I'll just stop and sort of go, thank you for your service.
	Sorry, bad timing to be making your army jokes.
	But dude, it's heavy shit.
	Literally.
	It fucking, have you ever had hemorrhoids?
	I don't know.
	I don't think so.
	Oh, you know.
	I would know.
	Yeah, yeah.
	The best it feels is there's a bug about this big up your ass 24 hours a day.
	Jesus.
	Kind of moving a little bit.
	That's the best.
	Oh, that's terrible.
	When you shit, it feels like it's being torn out.
	When you sit certain ways.
	God.
	It just kills.
	When a bug in your anal lips is the best of your day, it lasts forever.
	Tickles at best.
	Tickles at, but a blunt sort of...
	Wow.
	It's not a tickle.
	That sucks.
	It's an invasion.
	The CEO has a grip and he's just tugging and tugging, yelling, release, release.
	Then finally, oh, God, he just gives a full forearm, bicep, shoulder, chest, back yank with all his might and rips the...
	Rips the inmate's hemorrhoid out.
	Which actually might be good.
	Right.
	He just did him a favor.
	So the moral of the story is that if you have hemorrhoids that you need removed, the Bear Hill COs will help you with that.
	Hopefully you laughed as hard as I did.
	All right.
	That's enough, mail.
	We got to wrap it up here.
	Let's go to the final video.
	Final videos.
	I'm going to give you three today.
	Let's start with the problem with dining outside.
	And as my friend Anthony Cumia pointed out, this guy already has crutches leaning up against his chair.
	So he's already in pain.
	Hear some noise and ceases to be.
	So is that the yeah, that's a tire from a car?
	Yeah, it sure is.
	Whoosh.
	What's the stick there?
	Why are you laughing?
	Because the sonic sounds are really on point.
	Oh, I didn't hear that.
	It's from a video game Sonic, yeah.
	God hates that guy.
	Yeah, he must have done something bad.
	Probably Chop Melester.
	True.
	Also, in the news, moose are fucking huge.
	I remember tree planting, and I always had my head down, and I look up and I thought, I don't know what the fuck that is.
	It didn't have its horns.
	I don't know how big I thought a moose was, but this was not it.
	Look at that fucking beast.
	Is this real?
	Yes.
	What the fuck?
	No, they go out in the middle of the road because they need the wind because the black flies are eating them alive.
	And they just need one, just give me one break with some wind.
	Have you seen one that big before?
	Oh, yeah.
	So imagine that without its horns, and it's as close to me as that camera.
	So I'm down like this, down like this, and I just go, what?
	And I was just like, this is clearly an alien.
	I mean, the head, the head is like the size of a toddler.
	What the?
	The entire head.
	And then without the horns, there's no contacts.
	So I just see this huge long head and I go, holy fucking shit.
	Aliens have made contact.
	Wow.
	Is everybody on this planet a tree planter?
	Those who have read Death of Kool know that what I'm talking about.
	Oh, the shedding is rough, but the mating season is really rough where they're fighting other males for ladies' attention.
	And they're happy to kill you if you want to get in the way.
	You don't want to mess with the moves, I guess.
	Nope.
	You'd like to leave them alone and treat them right, correctly.
	Good, good.
	Yes.
	You learned your lesson.
	And lastly, Elliot Page is a boy now.
	So she's joining our troop, right, guys?
	So she should get used to boy culture.
	Elliot.
	Oh, sorry.
	Yeah, Elliot, right?
	What's her male name?
	Ellen.
	Elliot?
	Elliot's the male.
	Ellen Page.
	Ellen Page was her name.
	Now that she's Elliot, if you're watching, this is what guys do.
	This is who we are.
	This defines us.
	So get ready to join ours as we whip eggs at a guy sleeping.
	They got him first try.
	They got him right in the ear that time.
	That's a really good throw.
	You know it's their first try because if they missed him before, he would have woken up.
	Right, right.
	And dude, get in the water.
	I've watched this 752,000 times.
	How many times?
	752,000.
	700 billion and a trillion 300 million billion.
	That's a perfect summary.
	Folks, thanks for tuning in.
	Same time tomorrow.
	We shall be here and we shall be queer.
	I want to get into interable relationships.
	I think that's a really fun pursuit for tomorrow.
	And until then, please remember to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	The bird witches the ballkeepers.

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