Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

All Episodes

Previous Next

May 3, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:54:33

S03E105 - INTOXICATED EFFORT

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	For those I love, Irish dude who lost his friend in a car accident, I believe.
	So he's got kind of a punky background that was sent to us from a viewer.
	Music suggestion.
	Pretty good.
	A lot of the music suggestions are shit.
	It'll be like tool or something.
	How do people like tool?
	You probably like tool.
	I do not.
	My wife likes tool.
	Everyone I know likes fucking tool.
	I was never exposed to them.
	What does that mean?
	Like, I could like them.
	Anyway, that guy sort of combines Dublin street poetry with techno, and it sounds really cool.
	You know, that's all I ask for out of music these days is for it to be something I haven't heard before.
	Something original.
	And then check out this other jam.
	One, two.
	For those I love.
	For those I love.
	Kind of got a street vibe, huh?
	I was stepping in that same field beside me gaff, kicking through the leaves and the grass until two guard a rock up backpongs in hand and meet you crying for your mouth.
	It's a really cool art form, that weird 3D.
	This is no tales of Nike's escape.
	You spend your whole life being brave and you hope that things will change.
	So don't fucking ask me why I don't want to age.
	It just marks the time and things staying the same.
	Today's book is a coffee table book called Punk.
	And it's by Jonah Kugelberg.
	And this guy, John Savage, the guy who did England's Dreaming, which is sort of the definitive history of punk.
	It's a little too definitive.
	Like we get into Malcolm McLaren's grandparents and stuff.
	It should be a third of the size.
	And this is...
	Jonah Kugelberg and I are not friends.
	He's not a fan of me.
	I'm not a fan of him.
	He's a punk snob.
	And I'm not good enough.
	Apparently, I don't know enough about punk for him.
	Meanwhile, this guy wasn't there.
	Like, he wasn't in a band.
	He wasn't at shows.
	He's an onlooker.
	He's just a rich kid whose wife that he has since abandoned for a trophy wife.
	I think she's a makeup heiress or something.
	He just would shop and buy stuff.
	So he has the largest collection of punk memorabilia, I would say, on earth.
	And this is a lot of it.
	This is Jon Savage doing the writing.
	G. Vaucher, our old crass artist, is also showing some of her collection.
	We've got some punk seven inches.
	And so it's fun if you're into punk and you're sitting around waiting for your girlfriend to get ready to go out.
	You can just flip through it and it triggers all these memories of these old bands and Mad Magazine punk issue and stuff like that.
	So you get to see his amazing collection that he spent his wife's money on.
	But outside of that, just like random eye candy, it's garbage.
	Uh-oh.
	It's hard to squeeze it in here.
	Today's, so that's the book of the day, the song of the day.
	I mean, I don't want to toot my own horn here, but this show is very fulfilling, is it not?
	Ten seconds in, and you have a new book you never heard of, and a new band you never heard of.
	They don't really do that on other shows.
	Like Jimmy Kimmel might have, you know, some band that you've heard of do a song at the end.
	I don't know.
	Anyway, front page of the post, Billie Eilish.
	My wife was disappointed in this because we don't want our daughter to be a slut.
	And Billie Eilish was always wearing baggy clothes.
	But I have a defense for this woman.
	She's 19.
	She kind of got doxxed by the paps.
	And we didn't know she had gigantic tits, big fucking tits.
	Until she was caught, you know, going to get a coffee, an iced coffee, as they do in LA.
	This seems to be the only thing people do is they get in the car and they drive to a coffee.
	And she looked like shit in those photos.
	So I understand a 19-year-old woman, one of the most successful artists alive today, she doesn't want to be known as the fat getting the coffee chick.
	So she goes to the very best and Vogue hooks her up and makes good use of her gigantic tits.
	So I support this.
	I'm fine with this.
	Whatever.
	They did a bar rescue with her body?
	Yeah.
	You know, those tits are very big, right?
	Shut it down.
	But the thighs are too big.
	We're going to trim it down.
	Also in the post, the chick from...
	This is actually in my notes.
	Oh, I didn't number.
	Oh, yeah, this is 17.
	The chick from Game of Thrones, the ugly little girl, she's 23 now, 24.
	And she's playing that broad from the Sex Pistols days.
	I forget her name.
	It was like Polly or something.
	And all she did was, her only contribution to the punk movement was to have eye makeup like that And her hair up high.
	Okay.
	Thanks for coming out.
	I think she was part of the Bromley contingent.
	Bromley was like the Westchester of London, a middle-class, affluent suburb.
	But a lot of punks came from there: Billy Idol, Susie Sue.
	Most of the people you see behind the sex pistols on that famous Bill Grundy interview were from Bromley.
	And guess who else is from Bromley now?
	The shoe bomber, Richard Reed.
	This is how Teenage Rebellion has progressed in Britain over the years.
	Used to be you'd wear a kooky outfit.
	Now you try to take a plane down.
	Yeah, that's the chick.
	You just showed her.
	That's the woman I was talking about, who she's dressed up as.
	By the way, you'll notice that my suit is reacting.
	You know what I'm dressed as?
	No.
	A black guy on sports TV.
	Wow.
	Pretty good.
	They always have these suits that feed back because no one told them what a moire is.
	And so I thought I would do that.
	They also wear sneakers with their suits, I've noticed on sports TV.
	And their blazers are never darker than their slacks, which is retarded.
	It should always be the other way around.
	Some of the worst dressed people are sports hosts.
	By the way, speaking of sports, what a night last night.
	Holy Toledo.
	It was like, what was it, like six, two or something for the Mets?
	And then the bases were loaded with the Phillies.
	They hit the ball in the air.
	It's out of the park.
	So with bases loaded, we're now losing.
	But dong, it bounces off the rail.
	So they all run home.
	Wee, wee, wee.
	They all ran home.
	All the little piggies.
	And then the umps put on their things and they go, no, it hit the rail.
	So it's not a home run.
	You got to go back to where you were.
	Yes.
	Damn!
	My son's not speaking to me because I made him go to bed and miss all that.
	Oh.
	But shit, dude, that happened at 11.
	You're a little kid.
	Speaking of little kids, a lot of segues here.
	So my son is 12, going on 13.
	Puberty's beginning, and a lot of his teammates are 13.
	So their baseball is indistinguishable from the MLB.
	I mean, the balls come in.
	I don't think I could hit the balls they pitch at.
	They're coming in at 60, 70 miles an hour.
	So terrible MLB, but still, if they hit it, if you hit it to the fence, you'd be lucky to get a double out of that.
	Someone would have to screw up.
	And that's assuming no one catches it.
	So it's high quality baseball.
	Then I have my eight-year-old boy.
	Wow.
	He's pretty good, but the rest of his team sucks so bad that it takes all of my willpower not to go, you suck!
	Get off the field.
	Oh my, I spent half the game going like this.
	Like pitchers, eight-year-olds throw grounders as a pitch regularly.
	They walk, the bases are always loaded from walking.
	They'll throw the ball four feet above the batter's head.
	Like it'll almost go over the fucking thing.
	Or this is typical, okay?
	This is watching eight-year-olds play baseball.
	Pitcher throws a terrible, terrible pitch, like a grounder.
	The batter swings, and it's the worst swing you've ever seen.
	He sort of pushes it.
	And then the catcher finally finds the ball, which takes him a while.
	Then he throws it to the pitcher, who doesn't know how to catch.
	And every time a kid misses a ball, I can't help but sort of look over at the dad.
	Would it kill you to play catch with your son once in a while?
	Similarly, my son, my elder boy, hit it out of the park this weekend.
	And everyone turns around and looks at you the same.
	The reverse way, the converse, where they go, well, you must be proud.
	And I pointed to my dick.
	I said, I made that.
	That's me.
	Which my wife wasn't happy about.
	There's a pub near the field, and I've been going to get to-go cups, and I may be getting a little saucy and sauced at these games.
	Because there's this one kid, they did a sweeping tag.
	You know what a sweeping tag is, right?
	You grab it.
	They hit him like this hard on the chin.
	And I've noticed there's these thing little kids do when they're going to cry where they have this like, oh, not again, fuck.
	Like, say I put bamboo shoots between your toenail and your skin three times a day, right?
	And I was coming for the third time.
	It's at 6 p.m.
	And I go, time for the bamboo shoots, the incredibly painful thing.
	You could imagine the person going, oh, fuck, not again with those.
	So he does the sweeping tag, hits his chin like, dude, you can hit my newborn that hard in the face.
	Fine.
	I'm not remotely mad.
	You can, I'll peel my foreskin back, and you can take a hammer and hit the head of my dick that hard.
	I probably won't even notice.
	You can flick me in the, you know what?
	I'll lie on my back with my legs in the air.
	You hit me in the balls with a sweeping tag like that, right in the jigglies.
	Yeah.
	And I won't even feel nauseous.
	So this guy gets the sweeping tag in the chin.
	He goes, oh.
	And then he has his face down like this.
	Like.
	And then I see this.
	His shoulders are jouncing.
	He's jounced his shoulders.
	You're coming across as a bitch.
	No.
	So I said to the two moms I was with, or my wife and her mom friends, I lean over and I go, you know, that can be particularly painful when the person getting it is a complete pussy.
	And my wife's like, Kevin, stop.
	Jesus.
	I guess I said it louder than I thought I said it.
	But then he's up and at him and ready to steal bases two seconds later.
	So if I was hurt so bad I was crying, then if you check in an hour later, I'm still going to be going, oh.
	I'm not like, oh yeah.
	Oh, the crying thing?
	Oh, that was 10 seconds ago.
	I'm fine now.
	I had a good show.
	Yeah.
	And I think I know why.
	He needs to go back to the Muppet show where he belongs.
	Also in important news, I have become a woman and I've been watching oxygen.
	I don't know, man.
	It's like, if you really want to get out of your head, you can get drunk.
	You go to the pub.
	You can get into arguments.
	Oh, my God.
	Wait a minute.
	The pub.
	My local.
	So, you know, Joe?
	Hey, the guy who fell asleep.
	Oh, whoa, we're doing this now?
	What?
	See, he has a shitting problem.
	We figured out Crohn's disease.
	He's been leaving shit everywhere.
	I think he puts toilet paper up his ass, and then he either leaves it on the floor or puts it sometimes.
	It's behind the seat in a big Nutella wedge.
	And the urinal was blocked last week.
	Despite having a chlorine puck with a grade over it, I think he took his shit in there.
	I think he has a shit psychosis.
	Anyway, this is how dumb he is.
	He goes up to this guy, Ranger Tommy, we know, who is a Ranger, and he's in cybersecurity now.
	He's like, yo, Tommy, can I talk to you for a sec?
	And Tommy has this kind of like evil voice.
	He goes, yeah, what's up?
	And he goes, come here, come here, which is a weird thing to do.
	Of course, everyone has started going, what the fuck?
	And he goes, does this look legit to you?
	And I hear him go, no, man, look, there's a lot of red flags when people talk about, and I forget what the red flags were, but we don't need to know red flags with cyber scams, right?
	We've all just, they don't even register.
	Like, hi, there's a problem with your Amazon account.
	It's been compromised.
	Please contact me.
	You're just like, fuck off.
	Anyone with a semblance of a brain just ignores those.
	I'm sure Ryan doesn't, but everyone else does.
	So Tommy tells him it's a scam.
	And I don't know what it is or how to get good at it, if you will.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	So the next day, I see this other guy, James, British guy, going, oy, check this out.
	So Joe's expecting a large shipment tomorrow.
	And I'm like, wait, was this what he was asking about yesterday?
	Yeah, so what's happening is someone is in Afghanistan and they have $1.6 million and they need to ship it to someone in America.
	Now, the good news for Joe is he gets a commission of $160,000.
	So he showed me the receipt for the shipping company.
	It's coming in today, I guess.
	It might be there now.
	And we're like, Joe, first of all, you're not getting any money.
	But if you were, that's a felony.
	Taking in illegal goods, like accepting stolen property.
	If someone asks you to store 60 grams of Coke, you're in trouble.
	But the good news is that's not happening.
	What's going to happen is they're going to say, it arrived, and you're going to say, no, it didn't, because it didn't.
	They're going to say, you're lying.
	And they're going to say, well, you need to pay us.
	And then they're going to extort you and get your banking info.
	And you're going to end up emptying your bank account.
	They're going to say, well, we could do, say you had 80 grand in the bank.
	We could do 80 grand because we have an insurance policy and that will pay for the deductible.
	You fucking idiot.
	So if he's not shitting the bed, shitting the toilet, he's shitting up his life by listening to Nigerian scammers who pretend to be from Kabul.
	Like, imagine, I literally can't imagine thinking you were going to get money from a scam like that.
	I cannot fit it in my head.
	In fact, I've been making a list of things I just don't get, and I'm putting that on the list.
	Don't worry.
	I am disabled.
	I'll do a green screen of it.
	Holding hands is another one.
	I saw this couple holding hands.
	They were like 60 walking down the street holding hands.
	What the fuck are you doing?
	If you're feeling the need to be with each other, you could stop and maybe hug, get your yayas out, but holding hands.
	But anyway, falling for Nigerian scams.
	I mean, what it really is, it's obviously low IQ, but I think more importantly, it's greed.
	Like I saw a guy in 60 Minutes who fell for this one where you're washing money.
	We have millions of dollars, but it's been covered in this black paint.
	And the solvent to wash the paint off is very, very expensive because it doesn't damage the money.
	And we need you to help us buy that solvent.
	And it was a doctor who had spent like $150,000 on that fucking scam.
	They are retarded in some ways.
	They're geniuses.
	That's true.
	Anyway, yeah.
	It's fun being a chick.
	Why didn't you ladies tell me what you were watching on TV?
	It's such a perfect escape.
	Like you don't, you know, I watch Tucker and it's my job.
	So I'm like, oh, I got to talk about that.
	That's a good one.
	Oh, I got to look that up.
	So I'm still at work.
	The news, even on Twitter, social media.
	I'm still looking shit up.
	But when it's like a 15-year-old murder, actually, I did end up bringing it up on the show.
	Here we are.
	But yeah, you ever see the Netflix show, The Staircase?
	You saw it before Netflix redid it.
	It's so good because at the beginning you go, this guy was framed.
	The fuck?
	And then as you keep watching, you go, this guy's a fucking murderer.
	And this one was very similar where his wife tried to kill him and in self-defense, he stabbed her.
	And then you're watching it and going, wait a minute.
	Your previous wife died too?
	In a truck accident?
	Where she was thrown from the vehicle and beat to shit and knocked unconscious and then it burst into flames and you were perfectly fine.
	And you're wearing like 10 layers of clothing and a fucking puffy hat.
	You clearly put on your seatbelt and drove off the edge of the mountain or hill, I should say.
	And then lit her on fire to make sure she's dead.
	By the way, whenever I see these things, I know I'm not the first person to say this, but can you just divorce her?
	What's with the killing the wife all the time?
	Like Scott Peterson?
	Ooh, they say there's new evidence exonerating Scott Peterson.
	Good luck.
	My wife and I were obsessed with that case.
	They have footage of him.
	They hid cameras in his house and pretended he wasn't a suspect.
	And he'd be watching the news, eating ice cream, and they'd be like, well, looking in this bay that's miles from where Scott buried the body.
	They didn't quite say that.
	And he would laugh.
	He'd be like, like, not even close.
	And we have evidence of him buying cement for the same paint.
	He put cement in paint cans to make weights, and then he put them in the Tupperware that he sank her body in.
	Is that a coincidence?
	That's who you killed your wife for?
	Dude, I could get her with a bag of Coke and three glasses of wine.
	What a waste.
	What a boob.
	Look at his.
	You know how there's gay face?
	There's also stupid idiot face.
	Look how dumb he is.
	Stupid idiot face.
	I've been thinking of a fart.
	I'm brilliant.
	We're going to show you some CIA footage.
	His job was to sell shit.
	It's a fertilizer salesman.
	Oh, yes.
	Lacey Peterson is so beautiful and wonderful.
	And you could just...
	Look at her.
	What a joy.
	Always smiling.
	What a perfect little chubby Modesto Californian.
	What a joy she was.
	Got any other pictures of her?
	Not since she was killed.
	We don't want to see those.
	Okay, gotcha.
	But just her smile would just light up a room, wouldn't it?
	What a wonderful little sweet angel.
	That's her pregnant.
	Look at those dimples.
	What a beautiful woman.
	Yeah, she is.
	Not too pretty.
	Not overwhelming.
	Oh, yeah, this is a really sweet one.
	Yeah, you can tell she's just like a sweet angel.
	Smiley little chipmunk.
	That's my type of chick.
	Smiley chipmunks.
	Smiley chipmunks.
	Look at that one right above me.
	Which one?
	No, no.
	Right higher up?
	No, no, no.
	That one there, yeah.
	Look at that.
	What a smile.
	Yeah, that's like a smile that feels like home.
	Just lights up the day.
	She makes some comfort food, some mac and cheese.
	Probably too much parmesan on top.
	Oh, my.
	You put the game on.
	She puts breadcrumbs on it so it's crunchy.
	Yeah, that's what I do.
	I do have breadcrumbs.
	Damn.
	This is good.
	And then this freaking creepo kills her.
	Have fun in hell, Scott.
	So as I'm watching this, I discovered a new simp girl we can simp on.
	So she's the prosecution who caught that guy and pointed out that no, it wasn't self-defense.
	She murdered.
	He murdered his wife.
	Her name is Lisette Souter.
	S-U-D-E-R-1-5.
	She dresses like a whore with five-inch heels.
	She has huge tits and a gigantic fucking tits.
	That's not her.
	And a big fat ass.
	And her face is perfect age.
	She's like 38, 40 with some laugh lines and some crow's feet.
	There she is.
	And she's a fucking genius prosecutor who catches sex offenders mostly.
	Perverts.
	Pedophiles.
	No, that's not her.
	I mean, can you beat that?
	Oh, look at that one you just passed.
	There, they're right above me.
	Right there.
	Oh, that's very small.
	That's very small.
	What a fucking smoker, huh?
	Pull her up on video.
	It's best to see women in video.
	Now, I don't count this as simping.
	Simping would be me crying in my beer because I want to fuck her so bad.
	I don't want to fuck her.
	I'm married.
	I want you to fuck someone like that.
	And I want to develop your, I don't know, libido.
	I find these young men, they're not horny.
	That's why I talk about all these chicks and big fucking dits and stuff, because I want guys to get their libido back.
	These young men don't seem to care.
	We are gearing up towards anticipating trial beginning on May 3rd, so we're just starting to go through all the legal proceedings that we have to do to get it ready to go.
	Culver and Witt are accused of murdering Witt's mother, Joanne, by stabbing her to death at their home in Elder Outside.
	They did.
	Your Honor, evidence A, their hairdo.
	Yeah, wow.
	Exhibit A. Yeah, yeah, move it, David.
	By Nick.
	Yeah, by Nick.
	Bye, by Nick.
	Vector Speaker.
	Bye, bye, Nick.
	That's up there.
	She's a big woman, too.
	I don't mean big, like 6'5, but like, this is not petite.
	Like, you better have had your Weitabix that morning if you're going to fuck her.
	Or you better do a good job.
	Best to get a hotel room and sort of write off the next 36 hours.
	She's got that button nose.
	It does take a long time.
	She's a swoopy little fairy nose.
	Bouncy hair there.
	It's very difficult.
	You should see the rest of her body.
	You know what?
	Shocking.
	Maybe it is, too, about when you phone over older women and you're like, that's hotter than a younger woman, is because all of their laugh lines or whatever would happen is already kind of happening.
	So you don't have to guess, be like, I don't know how you're going to look like shit when you get older.
	But she is older.
	So you're like, all right, I see the wrinkles.
	You're 30 years old.
	But it's like, I see the wrinkles and I see it.
	I know, but it's okay.
	When you're my age, you're not worried about how are you going to look.
	You want someone that you can talk to after you come.
	Wait, she does look cool.
	Like, she's fun to go on a trip with.
	I'd be a good woman to have an affair with.
	You tell your wife that you have to go do a week audit in the tombs of the IRS.
	And you go to Puerto Vallarta.
	You come back and she goes, why do you have boderic hair?
	Why do you have cornrows in a tan?
	Because I had to go undercover as Nuka Zeus.
	It is very prevalent.
	And there are a lot of people that are stuck in routines and being trafficked.
	Don't have ways to get out.
	Just days ago, the district attorney and sheriff's office rescuing a 17-year-old human trafficking victim, arresting and signing others.
	The third human trafficking sting this year.
	Has no one put a ring on this bitch?
	I bet you wouldn't mind being bumper to bumper in her human trafficking.
	There's nothing on her, though, like with social media.
	Oh, really?
	Is that her again?
	Don't have weeks to get out.
	That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
	Somebody with a human.
	Suspect is walking down the street with a human.
	This story has no segue.
	It couldn't be more out of the blue.
	But you got to get it.
	We're going to kill the news thing on the site.
	I thought it would lead to more money.
	It didn't, and it's very expensive, so it's gone.
	But I'm going to make that a blog.
	I think that was Ryan's idea.
	Or was that Josh Lacash's idea?
	No, put the blog.
	It was kind of a compound of like what you wanted, a compilation?
	It was a something.
	But I just thought it would be good for news flashes and announcements.
	It's a compound.
	It would be good for news flashes.
	I'm taught this fucking nip English.
	It feels like I have a gun to my head when I talk.
	Yeah.
	Because I know it's going to be stupid.
	It was a compound of news flashes.
	Yeah.
	So we'll put the show notes there, too, from now on.
	Oh, cool.
	But this story, you can check out and read on your own time.
	1-8, it's one of the most craziest stories I've ever read.
	So there's some Syrian dude who's working on a ship that's owned by some rich Arab sheikh and they're in Egypt.
	And they pull in to drop off some shit.
	He's just bored working there, like Ryan, kind of a job, just like doing his shit.
	And they go, Mister, Mister, you owe $22,000 for anchor you bought here.
	You no pay your bill.
	We confiscate tanker.
	He goes, okay, that sucks.
	Can I get out of here?
	No, you sign, sign here, sign here.
	Okay, fine.
	So he signs.
	You declared ownership of boat.
	Your responsibility.
	You raise money.
	Or you pay for anchor.
	Four years, he's stuck on this boat, eating rations.
	The boat is covered in rats and insects because whatever the produce is on it has been compromised.
	So sometimes he was allowed to leave and sneak onto the shore and get something to eat, but he would often be arrested.
	And then the authorities would bring him back to that fucking boat for four years.
	There he is, trying to escape.
	And he kept trying to escape.
	And then they get him, but he wasn't doing anything illegal.
	So they wouldn't, he was trying to get arrested.
	He would have loved to go to prison.
	That would be great.
	No rats or less rats.
	Can you believe this story?
	The fucking ineptitude.
	Like, you think we have a bureaucracy problem, but bureau is a French word for office.
	As soon as you get outside of North America, the bureaucracy going on, like in Europe is grim.
	But in Africa, in Egypt, can you imagine?
	Look at this guy.
	He's alone on that fucking giant.
	That's a movie, don't you think?
	That would be a good movie.
	Oh, and he could see it too.
	Oh, geez.
	That's torture.
	You're so close, but so far away.
	Please help.
	Wait, how did he do that video?
	He swam there to charge the phone and then came back.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So he charges his phone and gets food every three days by swimming.
	That guy is not exactly the guy that face for television.
	I'm not saying I'm a male model, but I'm at least the base videogenic to not make you sick.
	Look at his hair.
	Looks like a fucking pineapple's thumb.
	Dry-ass lips.
	Look at this.
	Kim Jong-un here.
	Life like if you're stuck in soliditary prison, you can see some rodents sometimes.
	Slides and mosquitoes.
	The night is like a grave.
	You can't see anything, you can't hear anything.
	The Bahraini flag MV Amman was detained by the Egyptian port state authorities due to expired safety equipment and certificates.
	In all that time, it appears no action has been done by the ship's owner.
	No, he owed money on an anchor deficiencies, which led to the prolonged detention.
	Two years ago, and she's never going to see me again because of this damn discursed ship.
	All I want is to go back home to my family.
	The ship's owner.
	Oh, I know how I can make this more relevant to the show.
	This is what Max and John got.
	Four years.
	Similarly, Antifa BLM, I sent you a picture.
	So that's four years, which is typical of a shithole bureaucracy.
	But look at this guy.
	Burn down a police station.
	Minnesota man gets four years for torching police station after George Floyd's death.
	Four years.
	Same as Max and John.
	So in other words, in American justice, daring to fight the DNC's paramilitary wing, Antifa, is equally as bad as burning a police station down.
	What are you doing?
	I just got a little alert, and I just wanted to know what it was.
	Why are you getting alerts?
	What do you mean?
	Well, turn your alerts off.
	You're at work.
	We're doing a show.
	Can you imagine Andy, what's his name on Conan O'Brien started checking his Apple Watch?
	He's on camera.
	I'm listening to you.
	What's your alert?
	I just went like this.
	What's your alert?
	You get a little buzz when you get a text.
	I got a text from my girlfriend.
	I just looked at it.
	I'm not going to answer it.
	Okay, turn off all alerts.
	Yeah, the magical four years.
	All right, let's just end this intro section with a little bit more sports talk.
	The Ruiz fight yesterday.
	Or sorry, Saturday.
	I actually got so drunk that I passed out the second I got home and I missed The whole fight.
	So I've only seen highlights and tweets and stuff.
	You know how I got so wasted?
	And please, folks at home, answer me this.
	So we're at the bar, and you know, there's all the bottles that you see here, but then there's the bottom section behind the bar, right?
	And that's usually just cheap vodka, all the same.
	But then behind those, there's always weird shit like from the 90s.
	So I go, give me some of that.
	And they go, what are you talking about?
	I go, not the vodka there, but behind that, it's basically underneath the back of the bar.
	And they go, they hadn't even seen it before.
	And they're like, all right, what's this?
	Apricot brandy.
	I'd like a shot of that, please.
	So that was like fucking gasoline.
	And then I had some whiskey called Wild Cherry.
	This shit was so old that the dust didn't dust off.
	Like the dust was stuck on.
	It had been glued on.
	You'd have to really scrub to get the dust off.
	The dust had been solidified.
	So I had about three different shots of lost and forgotten drinks.
	And I got fucking obliterated.
	And this guy Bill, I call him $3 Bill because he's queer.
	He says that it keeps fermenting.
	So because I was drinking stuff that was from like the 90s, it was like 300 proof.
	I don't know if I believe that.
	Is that true, folks at home?
	Does an ancient bottle of booze keep getting more alcoholic over time?
	I mean, it pickles itself, doesn't it?
	There's no...
	For a fermenting process to happen, you need sort of organic gases and stuff coming in.
	The air that's in that bottle is...
	No, not quite that.
	Anyway, so my take on the Ruiz fight is going to be a little ancillary, if that's a word.
	What the fuck is this guy wearing?
	What is he doing?
	Are you cold?
	What?
	Help me out here.
	He lost a bet.
	That's actually more reasonable than he's cold.
	And who's cold in a suit?
	He's got a tweed top on, a blazer?
	Like in the winter here in New York City where it never gets that cold.
	I just wear, if I wear my wool suits, I don't wear a jacket.
	I'm toasty.
	I've never been cold wearing a suit in New York City in January, February.
	Never.
	You got this all bundled up?
	I mean, your ears could hurt a little bit, maybe if it's really windy, but who, where do you get the blanket?
	There's blankets at these matches?
	Where?
	In the broom closet?
	Did he just...
	Is that a shock blanket?
	Did he go through some sort of trauma?
	Or is it a thing that he's trying to bring in, like male shawls?
	In fact, that was a sketch that I wrote years ago about a line of men's shawls.
	Like, sick of stupid, wimpy, bitchy shawls for broads.
	It's time that shawls...
	You're not going to find it.
	I didn't do it.
	But it was like cool dude shawls.
	And there was a denim one and a leather one with it said Harley Davidson on the bottom and had studs.
	Badass shawls for badass balls.
	Look at these primitive cultures and their fucking blankets.
	Scots were doing that probably 800 years ago.
	But if you scroll down to that blanket one, you can see the Mexicans fighting in the stands.
	Yeah.
	I assumed every Hispanic in the Northeast was Puerto Rican or Dominican.
	There's tons of Mexicans at my gym.
	Maybe because the rich people spend a lot of money on lawn care.
	But like the neighboring town is all Mexicans.
	And at my gym, when it's sparring night, it's mostly Mexicans.
	And they are totally different.
	They don't pivot when they do like a left hook.
	They keep their feet planted.
	And they don't have defense.
	They just take the punches to the head.
	Yeah, they can scrap.
	Should I show you two guys at my gym?
	I know how they could afford it.
	They're really good at saving money, in my experience.
	Really?
	They just send it back home.
	Yeah, because I think, you know, all the things that we buy on impulse, they're not tempted by because it's like foreign shit.
	Yeah.
	Like, they want a mango with some spicy shit on it.
	And that's like 38 cents.
	Yeah, right.
	Like, when we see something...
	Oh, it's a Bionic Man replica from Happy Days.
	And it has a Brady Bunch logo on the side.
	Like, I don't know what the fuck.
	I could use an Oreo, a pack of Oreos.
	I don't know what stupid stuff.
	Should I show you these little talking Mexican men?
	How do I send you a...
	Let's try Airdrop.
	Let's try Airdrop.
	Okay, this never works.
	Correct.
	Airdrop.
	Bluetooth off.
	Turn on Bluetooth.
	There was no one nearby to share with.
	Then there's Gavin's Mac.
	Yeah.
	So it says waiting.
	It says converting.
	Waiting is the hardest part.
	The waiting is the hardest part.
	Exactly.
	Part.
	Yeah.
	Waiting.
	We were in the bar the other day and they were playing Come Sail Away with Me, Sail Away by Styx.
	And the guy's, this really cool dude showed up from Poughkeepsie.
	And he's like, he sees Ranger Tommy.
	He recognized me.
	And then there was this funny dude, Donnie, who was drunk.
	And he goes, we got a hero, a patriot, and a retard.
	Get them all a drink.
	That's good.
	Did it show up?
	No.
	It says scent here.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah, I got to.
	Okay, this guy, the guy in the red shoes, I have his name somewhere.
	I'll get it for you in a second.
	But he has this like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
	He moves like a robot that's malfunctioned.
	Like, he's never not jiggling.
	When they played Come Sail Away, did you do the lad part?
	Oh, that's sorry.
	I wrecked that story.
	So he goes, I fucking hate this song.
	And then I leaned over and I hadn't spoken to me.
	And I go, but do you like the lad, right?
	Everybody.
	You know what I mean?
	Like switching up the garnishes, like, we will rock you, lad.
	Or what would the inverse be that?
	Come sail away with me, everybody.
	Yeah, they work.
	Okay, this is the most stuttery video I've seen in my entire career.
	What's his name?
	That's unbelievable.
	Yeah.
	That's a world record.
	This used to be the good one, and now the other one's the good one.
	Our shit's I don't even know what's happening anymore.
	I'm trying to find the name of these guys, which is a waste of time.
	You know what I'll do?
	I could send it to myself on a flash drive.
	That sounds like a huge pain in the ass.
	This is not going to be worth it.
	But yeah, these Mexicans will go at each other so fucking hard.
	And when you see them box, they've been going since they were like five or six years old.
	So they're not scared.
	They don't get tired.
	I have a theory that boxers like Canelo are used to training in Mexico where it's 120 degrees.
	So they come to Madison Square Garden and they're like, I'm in a fridge.
	This is easy.
	And they don't overheat.
	Whereas if I'm fighting under anything that's not Alaska with snow piled up to my knees, I fucking start overheating and panicking.
	While Ryan tries to solve this problem, so Ruiz won by decision.
	He's a big fat pig.
	But the guy he was up against, Areola, had the weirdest send-off when they interviewed him after the fight.
	He calls the judges Butterface, or he calls the match Butterface or something.
	And then he says it can all suck his dick.
	This is, I think, 2-0.
	Yeah, check out this on TV.
	Absolutely, man.
	You know what?
	I respect the judges, but today I always say that.
	Fuck it.
	But don't tell me you only need to give me 2-3 rounds.
	Fuck that.
	I'm going to be the fucking game.
	I'm going to respect my motherfucking dick.
	I don't understand you.
	What does that mean?
	The judges are pretty except for their face?
	I guess he's saying his fight was pretty except for the face where he lost.
	What?
	And then who sucks your dick?
	The judges or all of us?
	Do I have to suck your dick?
	The whole world, Brad.
	The whole world sucking your dick?
	It's a lot of mouths.
	It's quite a dick.
	You got a lot of time on your dick if you can get that accomplished.
	Dude, it's going to have the skin ripped off.
	It's going to look like Freddy's face.
	You get 7 billion blowjobs?
	That really reminded me of Biden's thing where he planned out saying something about, get my wife back, man.
	I want her to come back.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then it just fucking falls apart.
	Dude, look at gray pants.
	See, Buxon isn't very videogenic.
	This doesn't look like a big deal.
	These punches were brutal.
	These guys are both world champs.
	The guy in the shorts just lost his featherweight championship belt.
	Show the other video?
	Can you rebooting some?
	See if it'll work with the videos better.
	What does his shirt say?
	Dikes?
	Does it?
	It sure does.
	15 dikes.
	That's what you get when you're a Mexican jihadist.
	15 dikes when you go to heaven.
	Yes.
	Look how fast he is.
	Boing, boing, boing.
	Let's have some spice here.
	What was that little move?
	Anyway, that wasn't worth the wait.
	Let's jump into Antifa BLM.
	Fuck you, Dad.
	Those that work forces.
	There's no way that's me saying fuck you, dad.
	Fuck you, dad.
	Why is the screen black?
	The video ended.
	Okay.
	Look at these fucking...
	Actually, before you do anything, look up Suburbia.
	The movie Suburbia.
	It's a punk movie.
	And I remember being, starting to get into punk as a little kid, like 13.
	I looked out the window and I saw these punks walking down the street and they're Canadian.
	So they had lumberjack jackets on and like cone spikes and 14 hole docks and a 2-4 fucking beer.
	And I remember looking at the window just of the bus just going, that is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
	I want to be part of that group so bad.
	And then in Suburbia, in the trailer, I guess.
	Wait, you got the whole movie?
	Looks like it.
	They're walking down the street.
	I hope it's at the beginning.
	No, they kill a dog at the beginning.
	Yeah, get the trailer, dude.
	Gotcha.
	When I asked for a movie, it's best not to get the entire movie.
	We don't have an hour and a half to flush down the toilet.
	I mean, wish movies were an hour and a half again.
	I don't have two and a half hours to give.
	Okay.
	Castle Rock, yep.
	Okay.
	There's a scene where they're all walking together.
	Wait, no, that's not the right one.
	What is it, remake?
	No, they named another movie Suburbia.
	Oh.
	Here we go.
	Yeah, that's it.
	That's it.
	That's it.
	That's it.
	Perfect.
	Okay, go back to that walking part.
	The flea is in this movie, by the way, from the Chili Peppers.
	I think the.
	Yeah, I can't remember which one of those guys he is.
	But when you see that, you just go, that's so fucking badass.
	Wow, there's a crew.
	And they all hang out together and they don't take no shit from nobody.
	What a fucking homemade army.
	That's fucking awesome.
	And then you cut to Antifa's version 2-2.
	Compare that, what you just saw, to this.
	It really.
	What?
	what are you doing?
	Oh, wow, what are you doing now?
	I've watched this 350 times, so stop.
	See if you can zoom in.
	First of all, there's the chick behind the loser in the wheelchair.
	Look at her eyelashes.
	They're palm fronds.
	They're about an inch long, which is a, you know what that is?
	That's a crystal.
	They're all on meth.
	Looks like she got cast and couched.
	Yeah, they're on meth.
	What the f?
	Look at this guy.
	And just hold on a second.
	So first you go, what is...
	You're distracted by his ridiculous death stare, which is definitely drugs.
	But then you go, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	What are you wearing?
	I get the combat pants.
	I get the flak jacket.
	I guess that's a medical kit.
	And then what's the jacket?
	Is that like a brown leather like bomber jacket?
	Or is that like a windbreaker with a big white collar?
	Who dressed you?
	And then you got Toothy Grin there with the dog and the two beta nerds behind them ready to blog about this and get some things for their fucking It's Going Down Twitter account Her face is identical to Gary Oldman's in Fifth Element.
	You know that character.
	Wow.
	What?
	I think that's a chick.
	Cavalcade of cunts.
	Is that something in her mouth?
	Yeah, I think it's a stogue.
	Yeah, yeah, that's what it is.
	I thought that was her teeth.
	I'm not ashamed.
	Look at badass.
	So if you go back to that tweet.
	Is she skitching off the dog?
	Like the dog's actually charioting her?
	Yeah, I think so.
	He's a juggalo.
	There he is.
	A juggalo who has been arrested many times for stabbing people, all kinds of violent acts.
	And so they're taking over Seattle.
	And if you look at 2-3, they shut down the roads.
	So that's Portland you just saw.
	This is Seattle, where they tried to shut down the roads, and it didn't work.
	So they just jumped on cars.
	Look at this guy.
	He jumps on a car.
	Abolish ice?
	Is that what his umbrella says?
	What are you abolishing?
	Maybe it just says abolish.
	Yeah, it does.
	It just says abolish.
	Just abolish.
	Just go out on an abolishing tear.
	Abolish everything.
	Look at that.
	That's a grown man.
	He's my age.
	Abolish physics.
	Abolish aging.
	Abolish gout.
	I talked to a guy who lives there and I said, how are you surviving?
	And he goes, we're all out, dude.
	We're all going across the bridge to Washington State.
	There's a mass exodus.
	Oh, our new studio is coming along quite well.
	I want to have a wall of TVs behind me.
	And when I'm talking, this might be distracting, but we could show a movie like Suburbia just behind me.
	That's kind of cool.
	Just like a mood.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Have a bunch of like B-roll.
	Hell yeah.
	We'll see.
	We'll see.
	It's pretty cool.
	You could even make obscure it a little bit.
	The last thing.
	Oh, no, sorry.
	I wanted to show you this.
	I know you didn't think this exists, but did you know there's a such thing as a vegan butcher shop?
	Wait, was that?
	Yeah, 2-4.
	What do you do?
	Who, who, who are you, and what do you do?
	Please help me out here.
	What do they do?
	Chop tofu?
	You don't need an apron for tofu, dude.
	Of course it's leather.
	How fucking embarrassing is that?
	A vegan butcher shop.
	I mean, half of the left are just playing house.
	They're playing capitalism.
	They're playing butcher.
	They're playing society.
	It's all a game.
	Look at those brand new, sparkling, clean aprons.
	Yeah.
	Like this chiropractor at my bar who wears OR scrubs.
	And I'm like, Terry, those are for discharge, vomit, blood, when you accidentally cut the femoral artery and it's spraying all over you.
	You crack backs.
	He's like, my wife's worried about COVID.
	I have to have something I can take off and put by the front door when I get home.
	Like your balls?
	Meanwhile, cops are dropping like flies, murdered all over the place.
	Nariamenshin, say his name, Christopher Farrar, 25.
	He was just murdered by someone who stole a car.
	And it's one thing to deny these people parades and t-shirts and media attention and days of the month devoted to them and murals.
	We're not begging for murals here.
	We're begging for any kind of attention, any kind of...
	Like, would you have heard about this if I hadn't brought it up?
	This one actually, I saw it and liked because somebody follow retweeted.
	But there's definitely no news about it.
	This is coming from all over this country and no one is going near it.
	Read that one out or move it over so I can read it.
	With heavy hearts, we announced the passing of Chandler Police.
	Christopher Farrar, Officer Farrar, was struck and killed by a suspect driving a stolen vehicle early this evening.
	He was an 18-year veteran of the Chandler Police Department.
	And that's his daughter saying, rest in peace, Daddy, I love you.
	And then, of course, let's not forget last week's Anastasios Takos, who saw an accident late at night.
	And he pulled over and made sure that everyone was safe.
	And this fucking disgusting piece of garbage, no, not Ben Shapiro, who had just ended her podcast with fuck the police and a shot, charged into him.
	Now, the cops I know say that she's not going to get much.
	She might get 15 years, but it's going to be a misdemeanor.
	In fact, one of the cops said, if you ever want to kill someone, just get in the car and fucking run them over.
	Then you just get away with a misdemeanor.
	Handy tip.
	They do something similar, like you said in China, right?
	Instead of dealing with shit, they'll just kill the person that they hit?
	No, they're totally different.
	In China, you are responsible for your victim's hospital bills.
	Right.
	unless they die.
	So if you hit someone and you knock off their arm and they're going to have to have like a $150,000 prosthetic arm, you just reverse over the body and then drive over them and reverse over the body and drive over them until they're deed.
	All right, I want to get into racism, but speaking of law enforcement, you got to see this thing that the CIA just put out, where a woman...
	You are just kids.
	Remember when Queen Latifah said she's going to shut down the CIA if anyone fucks with her?
	That was in the equalizer we watched with Josh Denny.
	Well, this is Queef Latina, and she's one of the people that will be shut down if the equalizer gets pissed off.
	This is just some random fucking Hispanic chick who works at the CIA.
	Okay.
	I figured you're what?
	20% of the population?
	Hispanic people?
	I figured there'd be some of you at the CIA.
	No, no, this is a huge deal.
	She is a Latina, and she works at a CIA.
	What the fuck?
	Wait till you see this.
	This makes no sense.
	Okay, so first of all, she's walking down the hallway.
	Don't even press play yet.
	But what is this?
	Like leadership, agency before unit, mission before self.
	Some big dumb inspiration board.
	I guarantee you it was a woman who came up with this idea where we should have messages of inspiration on the walls.
	Anyway, this woman's name is Misha.
	Mia.
	Mia.
	Mia.
	And she has her name on her fucking shirt.
	Imagine I was walking through the CIA because I worked there and I had a shirt that said Gavin.
	And I was just like, I'm me and I work here and I can do it.
	People would assume I had Down syndrome.
	I think Vin Diesel would cringe at that.
	Cringe diesel.
	Okay, let's see it.
	Wait, what are you doing?
	Syndrome.
	But at 36, I used to struggle with imposter syndrome.
	But at 36, I refused to.
	Stop, stop.
	So, her shirt, not just, it doesn't just say her name.
	It has a woman's symbol with a fist.
	So just her existence is a feminist statement.
	The fact that I'm Hispanic and I work at the CIA is a feminist statement.
	My uncle is Mexican.
	He worked at the CIA fucking half a century ago.
	No one gave a shit.
	This is not some incredible accomplishment.
	This is called normal.
	What do you think?
	Like the implication here is that everywhere is racist, systemic racism.
	So everywhere along the way, on her way to the CIA, people are going, you're not good enough.
	You're not a white male.
	So you can't be in the CIA because it's only white males.
	Because that's how the CIA works.
	So for her to be there, I guess it gave her imposter syndrome.
	She was posing as a white male and now she's realizing, no, the fact that I'm a Hispanic woman is enough.
	We belong here too, you know.
	No one's.
	What are you rebelling against?
	I refuse to internalize.
	Internalize misguided, patriarchal ideas of what is happening.
	That's the worst lagging I've ever seen.
	How long have we had this lagging issue, Ryan?
	This computer never had the lagging.
	Oh, so it's getting worse.
	So that's good news.
	That's confusing too.
	Oh, good.
	Thanks.
	Let's try this one.
	Did we order the new TriCaster yet?
	I believe we did.
	I used to struggle with imposter syndrome, but at 36, I refused to internalize it.
	Change is a comment or something?
	Mia, be that.
	You are worth it.
	You are worth it.
	And just her name, like, Gavin, you can do it with like a male symbol and a fist.
	How embarrassing would that be?
	Ryan, you got this.
	The text is upside down so she could read it when she looks down.
	You are worth it.
	What are you talking about?
	What?
	But at 36, I refuse to internalize misguided patriarchal ideas of what a woman can or should be.
	Stop.
	So wait, you're 36 and you've just now accepted that it's okay for you to have a job at the CIA.
	Grow the fuck up.
	And the whole patriarchal thing?
	No.
	No.
	No.
	Tired of feeling like I'm supposed to apologize for the space I occupy rather than intoxicate people with my effort, my brilliance.
	That's why I chose to do a green screen on this.
	So intoxicate people.
	So she's so awesome that when you're in her presence, you get drunk.
	You get a contact high from her amazingness, her effort.
	Just her trying something.
	Hello?
	Can I help you?
	What's the matter with you, dude?
	You're drunk at work?
	No, I didn't drink alcohol.
	I was speaking to Mizia and her effort, she was trying to solve a crime and get some intelligence on some jihadists.
	And it was intoxicating.
	I remember seeing a porn once where, what's her name?
	Asia Akira.
	She'd just been drilled for like an hour and she said, oh my God, I'm dick drunk after being plowed for 20 minutes.
	That's what it's like to hang out with Misa.
	You get pussy drunk from her incredible femininity.
	It's intoxicating.
	You know what this reminds me of?
	You know the black guy from Ghostbusters?
	He was a guest on Compound once.
	And my son was very young at the time.
	My middle boy was like maybe five or six and he was obsessed with Ghostbusters.
	And I went up to him and I said, hey man, I'm sorry to bother you.
	I'm sure you get this a hundred times.
	But if you could just on my phone, while I record you video, could you just say who you're going to call?
	And he goes, okay.
	So he does it.
	Who you're going to call?
	And then a black friend was there and he said, can you just Say Ghostbusters, he stole my idea basically for his kid.
	And you know what the dude said for his kid?
	The black guy's kid?
	He looks into the camera and he goes, You are a god.
	What?
	No, you're not.
	You're a five-year-old black kid.
	You're not a god.
	Chill the out.
	And all of this, like I intoxicate people with my efforts.
	All of this stupid, you're a god talk, it sounds like the bigotry of low expectations.
	It sounds like saying, you're not human garbage.
	You're not a waste of space.
	You're a somebody.
	Like, I would be insulted if someone came up to me and said, you know what?
	You're a person and you matter.
	I go, yeah, I know.
	What the fuck?
	Where'd you get this from?
	Of course I matter, shithead.
	Go ahead.
	Go back a bit.
	I want to hear that.
	What was before intoxicating?
	Effort.
	Like, I'm supposed to apologize for the space I occupy.
	Stop rather than intoxicate.
	No one asked you to apologize for the space you occupy.
	And what's with all of this stupid college jargon leaking into the Central Intelligence Agency?
	Can you focus on sex trafficking and jihadists, please?
	Just do anything.
	I occupy rather than intoxicate people with my effort, my brilliance.
	I am proud of me.
	Full stop.
	Stop my proud.
	Stop.
	My brilliance.
	I am proud of me.
	I'm going to duplicate this exactly with a shirt that says, Gavin, you can do it.
	And you'll just, you'll assume I'm in the Special Olympics.
	This sounds like the Special Olympics.
	I am proud of me.
	She's 36 years old.
	And she's saying, I'm proud of me.
	I'm number one.
	We used to, in order to get to sit together with my ad agency, I would pretend that I was special at the check-in gate.
	And my buddy would say, hey, I should be with my stepbrother here because he has needs.
	And they'd be like, oh, sure, certainly, sir.
	And they'd make sure we were always together near the front.
	We always had great seats.
	I'm not proud of it.
	It was unethical.
	But I really got into it after a while.
	And then I was getting on the plane and I gave her my ticket.
	And then she's like, thank you.
	And I go, I'm number one.
	And she goes, yes, you are.
	That's what we're dealing with here.
	She just said, I'm proud of me.
	People get drunk when they see how hard I try.
	Go ahead, Mija.
	You're my friend.
	I want to be your friend, Mija.
	You have a t-shirt that says you on it.
	I want a Mi-shirt.
	That's not a t-shirt.
	It's a Mi-shirt.
	I want a Mi-shirt.
	My brilliance.
	I am proud of me.
	Full stop.
	My parents left everything they knew and loved to expose me to opportunities they Yes, so did mine.
	So did everybody's.
	So did Ryan's shitty dad.
	He came from Japan.
	My parents came from Scotland and England.
	I came here.
	I left everything I knew from Quebec to come to New York City.
	It's not a big deal.
	In fact, we all started in Africa, so emigrating to a new place is what people do.
	In fact, these two look like a mix of Aztecs and Spanish conquistadors.
	So their background is conquering and moving and immigrating.
	And that's fucking life, you silly cow.
	I am sober as a judge by your efforts.
	Full stop.
	My parents left everything they knew and loved to expose me to opportunities they never had.
	Pretty good.
	He's wearing a tuxedo.
	This guy is not exactly in lawn care.
	How brave.
	Of them, I stand here today a proud first-generation Latina and officer at CIA.
	What an absolute shit show clown loser retard Mija is.
	James O'Keefe just sent me something.
	I'll email it to you.
	I think it's like a rock video he made called Oligarchy starring the breathtakingly gorgeous Isabelle O'Reilly, who is actually too pretty.
	She's burned victim pretty.
	Where you'd be embarrassed to take her to a party because everyone would stop talking and go, what the fuck?
	Is this what I think it is?
	It bleeds and leads.
	I think that's an obvious thing.
	Twitter permanently suspended his account after he exposed hypocrisy and fraud at CNN.
	Coordinated disinformation.
	The New York Times were definitely a major victory in that case.
	That would tell them to go to hell.
	Can James be weirder, please?
	This is fucking awesome.
	Like, how does he pull it off?
	Like, this is the recipe for cringe.
	But it is awesome.
	Maybe because he's got like a Bueller vibe.
	Yeah, he's he bulled out of he Bueller out of the uncanny uncringy valley.
	That's a great fucking album name.
	Buellering out of the uncanny valley.
	People are going to isolate that and make that a Zile for sure.
	Yeah.
	You got to hand it to him.
	I was saying to him the other day, when Sean Hannity is saying to Donald Trump, did you see the Project Very test footage?
	CNN admitting that they were just doing this for propaganda?
	He goes, Oh, yes, of course.
	Like, everything now, James, is just gravy.
	That's probably why he's doing silly shit like this.
	Because it's all just icing.
	Once the president is discussing you, like Proud Boys, for example, you're good.
	You've made an impact.
	Yeah, they don't do enough victory laps, you know, so this seems very warranted.
	Because they got some bombshells they'd be dropping.
	Well, I think the secret for James is to stop getting defensive.
	Not that he was.
	Well, he hasn't been recently, but many years ago, he'd always be like, no, I didn't re-edit it.
	No, that is true.
	No, this is what actually happened.
	And now he just has to go suck my dick, just like the Ariello.
	You could all suck my motherfucking dick.
	Yeah.
	All right, let's drift into racism.
	Let's talk about racism that was racist, guys.
	We have a new song.
	Someone has remixed Can You Imagine If the Races Were Reversed?
	And it's a fucking jam.
	And it's relevant to this first story.
	Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	You didn't show that on.
	No, no, I took the video of a different one, but that was just audio.
	Right.
	So it was a mashup.
	So Kristen Clark, Biden's nominee to head the civil rights at DOJ, used to edit this black nationalist newsletter that is pretty fucking insane.
	Now, if it was a white nationalist newsletter, it would be the most racist newsletter you've ever fucking heard of or even imagined in your life.
	And so she would promote various essays, edit various essays, come up with headlines.
	And so by proxy, she was agreeing with this.
	This was her thing.
	And she swore under oath that she didn't work for any radical newsletters or magazines or anything.
	So she's perjured herself before she's even begun as the head of the Department of Justice Civil Rights Division.
	So first, she personally said that black people are superior to white people and that human mental processes in the brain have chemicals that imbue one race, the black race, with superior physical and mental abilities and spiritual abilities.
	Mmm.
	That's like what Nick Cannon was talking about where the melanin, because they're sun people, the sun goes into them and they're more in touch with the planets than we are.
	Yeah, 20 times a day, blacks are sending other blacks to the spirit realm.
	By the way, not that I want to get into that topic with you, but if white people are paler, that means they're more susceptible to the sun.
	Like, that's why we get a sunburn, because we're very sensitive to the vitamin D from the sun.
	Blacks eschew the sun, and it doesn't make them much darker.
	Yeah, your skin's wearing sunglasses.
	You're more in touch with the sun?
	You have shades on.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you are shades.
	We're just bare eyeballs.
	And then she talks about, or sorry, her magazine would talk about this radical revolutionary that they kept quoting and having as a contributor.
	So there's Professor Tony Martin, who I looked up, very radical, anti-Semite.
	He talks about how the Jews stole all the African inventions.
	And that's why they're so rich, because they stole African knowledge, which I don't understand that.
	Can't you just come up with more knowledge?
	Unless it's a lobotomy, a genetic lobotomy, just you steal my plans for a plane, I'll probably reinvent a new plane.
	Like say we burned everything the Wright brothers did, stole it, and then copyrighted it and said you can't make any more of these wood planes.
	I have a feeling they'd have a different plane pretty soon after.
	For example, if you jump down to the end and you go to 41, this is an engineer who had his knowledge stolen and he was left with nothing but a rubber band.
	And his goal was, I'm going to make one of these rubber band planes fly as slowly as humanly possible.
	Wow.
	So, like, his knowledge can't be stolen.
	I don't understand what you're talking about, Professor.
	What the?
	Does it stop, or I'm just not seeing it?
	It's doing like perfect circle.
	Wait, how's it doing that?
	No, I think sometimes you just can't see the propeller spinning because of the lighting.
	Right, but it's not hooked up to anything that makes it spin in a perfect circle.
	No, he's got one of the wings is slightly different than the other.
	Wow.
	To make a circle.
	That rules.
	Can't steal that knowledge.
	But yeah, sorry, to get back to that guy.
	So another one of the authors that they featured on their site was a poet.
	And he had this poem, which I'm sure my enemies are going to take out of context.
	I got the extermination blues, Jew boys.
	I got the Hitler syndrome figured.
	So come for the rent, Jew boys, or come ask me for a book, or sit in the courts handing down your judgment.
	Still, I got something for you.
	Gonna give it to my brothers so they'll know what your whole story is.
	Then one day, Jew boys, we all, even my wig-wearing mother, gonna put it on you all at once.
	That doesn't sound good for anyone involved.
	I'm not looking forward to that.
	And then, of course, this poet also wrote: this poet's name is Amira Baraka, Amiri Baraka, who was a regular at her paper, and she was a big fan.
	And he ended one of his poems with: We are all beautiful, except white people.
	They're full of and made of shit.
	Come up, black dadda.
	Nihil Smus, Nihilism.
	Rape the white girls, rape their fathers, cut their mothers' throats.
	Now, say I worked at a newspaper that said that about black people, right?
	What black people are full of made of shit.
	And then I said, rape the black girls, rape their fathers.
	And then I also published, like, say Vice published things like, I got the extermination blues, Jew boys, right?
	And talked about how whites have chemicals that imbue them with superior physical and mental abilities.
	Say I did all that.
	And then you found out I was going to be nominated the head of civil rights at Trump's Department of Justice.
	Doesn't fit.
	You can't imagine it.
	Not possible.
	But in the bigotry of low expectations, we say, yes, you're brilliant.
	Wear a t-shirt of you with a fist.
	You can do it, Maija.
	Yes, you can have your...
	Because if you think less of blacks, then when blacks say, I'm superior to you, you go, yes, you are.
	You're number one.
	That's what they're doing.
	By letting one group get away with this kind of shit, you're calling them retards.
	And you're saying, yes, I know.
	I suck.
	I don't have enough melanin.
	Yeah, you do.
	Hey, look, you're the head of the Civil Rights Commission.
	You go, girl.
	Look, we made a t-shirt with your name on it.
	And we made a little video of you saying that you're brilliant and you intoxicate people with your efforts.
	Good little retard.
	Here's some good news.
	Critical race theory dies in Texas.
	They had two seats on the board in Dallas.
	And the anti-woke, this is 2.8, the anti-woke candidates won 70% of the votes.
	Wow.
	And they were running on fuck this diversity shit, this woke shit.
	I do think critical race theory should be taught in schools.
	But it's a theory.
	So you should say, some people believe this.
	You should also say Holocaust deniers believe this.
	You should know about theories, no matter how crazy they are.
	But my problem with the way it's being constructed now is it's being taught as fact.
	The 69 Project teaches children that this land was stolen from the Indians and built by slavery and is built, the bricks of this country are built on racism, which is a ridiculous theory.
	It's a flat earth theory.
	I think you should hear what the flat earthers say.
	I think a teacher should have a flat earther come to class.
	Sure.
	Holocaust deniers a little more contentious, but a critical race theorist?
	Yes, come on in.
	But you're just a guest here on our Kukamami Theories, Kakamami Theories Day.
	And I think I know why.
	And I think I know why.
	2-9.
	This is, it's still clinging to colleges.
	And I want you to take a special note at the patronizing and cunty tone this woman has.
	I just got worried, dude.
	What?
	About our new neighbors at our new studio.
	Oh, you just me saying Hitler and Jew boys and Kanti.
	Well, these ones deal with it just fine, unless they secretly hate us.
	They're Chinese, dude.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	You never know what they're capable of.
	So you brought up the police in your speech a few times.
	So what is your, like, what is your main concern?
	Since, I mean, honestly, the whole reason police, I mean, it is systemic.
	The issue is systemic because the whole reason we have police departments in the first place, we're just talking about...
	It's got a Rachel Maddow tick.
	Rachel Maddow does that too, where she's like, so people are going to be talking and, you know, thinking they're doing something good for the world when they're actually doing something really bad.
	And no, you're not dreaming.
	You don't have to pinch yourself.
	We are living in Nazi Germany.
	And the Gestapo are the police force.
	Police departments in the first place.
	Where did it stem from?
	What's our history?
	Going back to what Jeremy was talking about, what does it stem from?
	It stems from people in the South wanting to capture runaway slaves.
	Stop.
	Wow.
	Could you have a more parochial view of the world?
	Did you know that America is not the only country in the world?
	Did you know that?
	So there might be a case to be made that some police are rooted in slave catchers in some parts of America.
	Have you ever heard of the world?
	What?
	Are the police in Malaysia rooted in slavery?
	Are the police in Taipei rooted in slavery?
	What about Stuttgart, Germany?
	I suppose they're rooted in Nazis, but they were around before the Nazis.
	So why is it that because you found some early southern police linked to slave catching, now all police in America come from slavery?
	And how could you be so blind as to take that as a fact and ignore police in Canada, Ireland?
	You know what country doesn't have police?
	Nowhere, Zeville.
	Every fucking country in the world, every society has law enforcement.
	You stupid bitch.
	This is who's teaching our kids.
	And you know what's really adding insult to injury for these poor bastards?
	They're going a quarter of a million dollars into debt to get patronized by a cunt.
	What kind of S and M relationship is this?
	You know, those money dominatrixes where they don't just stand on your balls, you give them like all your savings and you say, yes, mass, mistress, or whatever she's called.
	That's what this is.
	This is a sexual perversion.
	College is a fetish now where you go millions of dollars in debt to get abused by a cunt dominatrix.
	That's what it is.
	So if you send your children to college, you're a pervert.
	Maybe they shouldn't be heroes.
	Maybe they don't belong on a kid's show.
	So I disagree with the...
	Wait a minute.
	I got to hear that.
	So he's against Paw Patrol because of George Floyd?
	Maybe they shouldn't be heroes.
	No, no, go back.
	People in the South wanting to capture runaway slaves.
	Maybe they shouldn't be heroes.
	Maybe they don't belong on a kid's show.
	So I disagree with the...
	So we can't have that dog on Paw Patrol who's a cop, right?
	I think they've canceled Paw Patrol.
	Oh, yeah.
	So you can't have Paw Patrol because around 400 years ago, there were people who caught runaway slaves.
	And by the way, slavery was ubiquitous.
	And they had people catching runaway slaves in Africa, in Brazil, which got 3 million slaves.
	10 times the slaves we got.
	Wait, is it even more than that?
	We got like 320,000.
	They got 3.2 million.
	I'm so fucking stupid.
	My dad would kill me if he saw this.
	320,000, right?
	320,000.
	And then they got 3.2 million.
	So 3.2, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0.
	3.
	So that's 3.
	3.200.
	This is taking so long.
	1, 2, 3, 4, 0s.
	1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 0.
	10 times.
	They got 10 times the slaves we got.
	They had slave catchers.
	Are their police a lie too?
	What about African police?
	See, this is the lack of rigor in modern education.
	You have some silly cow, some barista patronizing you because she read one stupid little fact about the slave catchers.
	And she notice how she delivers it like it's a fucking slam dunk.
	Suck on that, Mr. I Love Slavs about it because I think I disagree with what Jeremy said about it because I think cops are heroes and they have to have a difficult job, but we have to have not,
	I mean, I'd say a good majority of them.
	You have bad people in every business and every part.
	Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Police officers have committed atrocious crimes and have gotten away with it and have never been convicted.
	Name one, name one, name one.
	Stop.
	Please, assistant professor who's raping my bank account right now.
	Can you name one?
	Abner Luima got a broom pole shoved up his ass.
	What happened to Justin Volpe?
	Oh, he's still in prison right now.
	Please tell me about a cop who murdered an innocent black man who was not trying to kill said cop and got away scot-free.
	Please.
	I can tell you cops who deserve to be innocent who were penalized, like the cops involved in the Rodney King fight or Derek Chauvin, I don't believe was guilty.
	He didn't get away with it, but please tell me about all these cops literally getting away with murder.
	Please list them.
	And then please list all the cops who are murdered every year.
	Let's compare those numbers.
	Let me just tell you something, you fucking sour-faced chiselhead.
	Your average police force has about 40% of the people who are, they just want to get through the day.
	They want to make it to their pension.
	They don't want to rock the boat.
	They're not particularly ambitious.
	They're happy to pencil push.
	They'd like a desk job, to be honest.
	That's 40%.
	20% are cowboys.
	And they want to go out there, yeehaw.
	They want to save the day.
	They want to catch the bad guys in the act.
	They risk their lives on a daily basis.
	They're wild men.
	And they're heroes, superheroes, I would even say.
	I'd give the first 40% hero.
	I'd give this 20% superhero status, right?
	Now we're up to 60%.
	About another 35% are somewhere in between the two.
	They're ambitious.
	They go there.
	They risk their life, but they're not going to do anything stupid.
	Like, not that it's stupid to run into a burning building, but there's firemen who go beyond the Call of Duty and go in there and risk their lives.
	Those are the cowboys.
	But then there's the slightly ambitious ones.
	That's like 35%.
	Now we're at 95%, right?
	5% are fucking assholes.
	They're dicks.
	They're going to make you, they're going to bust your ass for a joint or something.
	They're going to give you a fine for a broken taillight.
	They're jerks.
	They were dicks their whole lives.
	They chose the police force to be assholes.
	That's 5%.
	That 5% are not going to blow their pension by doing something illegal, by murdering someone, by roughing you up.
	They're just within the law being dicks about it and not cutting you any slack.
	That's about the same as dentists and people with internet TV shows.
	So calm the fuck down.
	What's this cop you have?
	I wake up every morning and kiss my family.
	That's a given.
	Goodbye.
	Me too.
	Dead men tell no tales.
	I don't.
	Every morning and kiss my family goodbye.
	Knowing that there's a possibility I won't come home.
	I am tired of every time I wake up in the morning that someone else polarizes the fact that maybe law enforcement is just not a good thing.
	All of us are not bad.
	I am not as they are.
	Most of us are not.
	There are bad people in every career.
	I'm so goddamn tired.
	Tired.
	Tired.
	Black things.
	You get to a level of emotion where you're actually hurting the cause, you know?
	You know that dude who called LeBron James for advice?
	Yes, I've been following that.
	Because I wouldn't be surprised if that chief, whoever that guy's boss is, throws him under the bus and reprimands him or even fires him for that, which was totally reasonable.
	A little dramatic, but totally reasonable.
	But the guy who called LeBron James to ask for advice, I think he was, if not fired, suspended.
	So there's a GoFundMe for him.
	Suspended without pay card.
	You know what drives me nuts about that is the cops are doing jokes or ranting about something that bothers them.
	That humanizes them.
	The biggest problem with the way they're portrayed in the media is it's dehumanizing.
	It makes them easier to kill.
	And when we try to fix that by giving them a soul and saying, here, do a joke about LeBron.
	No.
	You have to stay a dark figure in the corner so I can kill you easier.
	I thought I heard something about the GoFundMe being suspended.
	Probably is.
	If Paw Patrol can't get out.
	What's that Chelsea Handler tweet you showed me?
	Oh, yes, yes, yes.
	This is your exact argument.
	Oh, no.
	Here he goes.
	Why would any person of color ever comply with a police officer when there's a 50-50 shot of getting accidentally shot?
	You probably should use the word chance there.
	Don't double your words, Smith.
	Which is what we keep screaming on the show.
	When you push this lie that there's a 50-50 chance you're going to die, you make young black teenagers go, what the fuck, bitch, fuck this.
	I ain't going hell like that.
	And the next thing you know, they put everyone's life in jeopardy, the cop and themselves, because of bullshit like what Chelsea Handler's saying.
	You know, it's weird is like, she's kind of been like, she's so liberal.
	She's like circling around to saying things that you say.
	Here's another one.
	Aside from my cleanly, I don't like to interact with minorities.
	I'm around them and it shows.
	Shit.
	There's this one.
	I'm lonely and miserable because my ovaries are dried up, but I've spent my life as a colastomy bag for guys come.
	Wait a minute.
	I'm gay for men.
	These are sounding like a lot of my talking points.
	This one's kind of a stretch.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Chelsea, it's all one sentence, okay?
	Come on, lady.
	Whose fault it is that that's worded that way.
	All right, we're having, we're running out of time here.
	We don't want to.
	We're done with this, right?
	Well, let's see a little bit more.
	Who are police officers?
	And I say it's like a person who has family members.
	Who are police officers?
	Yes, I understand.
	And this is what I believe.
	This is my opinion.
	And this is, you know, not popular to say, but I do support our police.
	And we have bad people.
	And the people that do bad things should be brought to justice.
	I agree with that.
	But I think that I'm saying it again.
	They haven't.
	Well, I agree with you on that point of they should, right?
	Who?
	This is school.
	Like, you're supposed to have specific examples.
	You have to do your homework in school.
	Do you see the energy?
	Tell me their names.
	Tell me the cases.
	Tell me the compare it to the number of interactions.
	So I always forget this number.
	We've got to write it on the fucking.
	It's like a billion kajillion.
	They have a billion kajillion run-ins, confrontations, interactions with the public every year.
	So that has to be factored in, too.
	Let's see you have a kabillion interactions with the public and not have any kind of trouble.
	No one died.
	Everything was cool.
	I mean, it's the roll of the dice.
	If you pet a kajillion dogs, you're probably going to get your hand bit once.
	Yeah, and they make news out of every single police shooting with a black person, whether it's sketchy or just completely by the books anyway.
	So we'd be hearing about every single one.
	And right now, somebody's getting stopped who's black by a white cop.
	Right now, news from rap songs is the problem here.
	Do you get the energy here that she's like a defiant kid and he's like a calm parent?
	He's like, honey, I know what you're saying.
	That's what school is today.
	That's how you have to talk to women because they've been so heavily bitchified.
	Like he's making a point and then she's like, yeah, but what about this?
	Like the way you talk to women now, especially in academia, is the way you talk to a child in the middle of a tantrum.
	Like, I understand, but your friends have to go now because it's bedtime.
	Okay?
	But this isn't fair.
	Actually, I wouldn't say that.
	I'd say, calm down, stop the whining, change your attitude.
	Okay?
	This is not happening.
	Get the fuck upstairs, you arrogant little prick.
	That's how he should talk to her.
	He should be like, you're just making up shit.
	You're getting your facts from a rap song.
	Give me cops.
	Tell me names of guys who have shot people and not been punished for it.
	Show me the list and show me how that compares to the general crime stats because it better be a disproportional number.
	Do you know that word, you stupid cunt?
	That'd be so good.
	He'd get an F and he should.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Show's over.
	Yeah.
	And this is what I believe.
	This is my opinion.
	And this is, you know, not popular to say, but I do support our police.
	We have bad people.
	And the people that do bad things should be brought to justice.
	I agree with that.
	But I think that they haven't.
	Well, I agree with you.
	That's a pessimist.
	They should, right?
	So what is your bottom line point?
	You're saying police officers should be revered, viewed as heroes.
	Yes.
	They go on on TV shows with children.
	I think they are heroes in a sense because they come to your need and they come and help you and they have a problem just like every other business, but we should fix that.
	But I think that they're heroes.
	Semantics.
	Well, that's not a business.
	That's the problem is that you call it a business.
	Yeah, you're just...
	Oh, shut up.
	My God.
	Sorry, any other endeavor.
	Unbelievable.
	You know, I wonder she's so concerned about children and the purity of the...
	Like, what's her view on the trans drag queen story time hour?
	I'm sure she's pro for it.
	Only some of the drag queens who do the story hour end up being sexual predators and pedophiles.
	Right.
	There's bad people in every business.
	So true.
	All right, let's jump over to the male B. Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's male beauty since the last time.
	A lot of males.
	Wife's Reality Show Garbage.
	Hey, Gavin and Ryan, I'm recently married, and your advice to watch your wife's stupid reality show garbage to increase intimacy works.
	I stole that from my old literary agent, Bird Levil, who said, you get a bottle of wine, you watch their show, and you comment on it.
	I'd be like, Sandra's a bitch.
	Boom.
	The most recent show we watch is Indian Matchmaker, and it takes every ounce of my being not to turn the show off when girls like Aparna are opening their retarded mouths.
	Girls like this remind me why I love being married, and that it is great not to have to go on dates with girls who are so feminist, independent, that it's just off-putting and revolting.
	Cheers, Ben.
	People care about sense of humor.
	No wonder they're lively, jolly.
	I don't have to be the funniest guy in the room.
	I don't need that.
	There's many a man I've rejected that hasn't fit what I want in my life partner.
	Let's let's both stay where they like love football.
	Oh my goodness.
	You do you boo.
	I'm never gonna watch a football game with you.
	But in a way it was relieved because I was like, during the fall, I don't have to see you every Saturday or whatever day they play this Sunday.
	Oh, that's her whole thing, huh?
	Almost.
	I feel like I've been there.
	Yeah, you know what she is?
	I've seen these a million times.
	She's one of these perpetual dumpies who's constantly getting dumped and turfed.
	And so they change it to the, they either say, I'm really picky, is one of their dumb lies.
	And the other is, men are intimidated by me because I'm empowered and I'm intelligent and stuff.
	Yeah, sure.
	I don't even like chicks.
	Chicks suck.
	Yeah.
	That's why we all had a coconut smashing boner when we were introduced to that prosecutor who is a successful lawyer and a nine.
	Sudan or Suda.
	Sudan?
	I hate beaches.
	Well, I hate bitches, so we've got a lot in common.
	I haven't made me lay out a beach for more than like three hours.
	Maybe three days.
	This would be like a relaxing 10 days for you.
	What would you do for 10 days?
	I'm concerned if you have to relax for 10 days.
	You know what I mean?
	I'm like, what's wrong with you?
	I've always, always wanted to go to Dubai.
	Really?
	Strange place to want to go?
	Really?
	Like, it seems like so developed and so.
	Why are Indians dating?
	What do you mean?
	Isn't that kind of raw?
	Oh, yeah, that's right.
	Like, why are you isolating one race?
	What if...
	Can we watch the white dating show?
	Is that on next?
	Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	Hi, it's called Whites Only, and it's a show where white people date whites and make sure that no other races show up on their fucking dates because they think the other races are gross.
	It's strange because we kind of do live in a racist America, but it's not the kind of racism they claim.
	Whoa, look at those big fucking dates.
	Fucking dirt.
	Did he ever tell you off-air what that is?
	Not to ask you what it is, but did he ever tell you?
	No?
	Okay.
	I'll never tell.
	It's a secret.
	Apparently, this is a picture of the head of the World Economic Forum.
	This is from the Daily Anus.
	Uh, I don't believe you.
	Neither do I. Let's...
	Surely you could include a link?
	Not save for work question mark.
	Klaus Schwab.
	So now let's go Klaus Schwab.
	Schwab beach lingerie, what'd you call that?
	Uh, nothing.
	So, thanks for wasting our time.
	Wait, what was this?
	Let me make sure it's not gross.
	Close 12 goes to the beach.
	There's a reason this sub is NSFW.
	Yeah, that's.
	We don't know.
	This is not evidence.
	Um, lads, I thought these would make some cool.
	Oh, no, sorry, we already did that one.
	Uh, dear Ryan, please check this out.
	This video is three minutes, so for the sake of showing, no, no, no, this is a guy who claims he was raped by a bear.
	It's the oldest fucking viral video ever.
	Oh, my God, yes, sir.
	Uh, President Biden is loosely based on Steve Bruhl.
	It's a four-year segment, this kind of shit.
	We're familiar with Steve Bruhl.
	Thanks for all the introducing us to all this cool shit we never heard of.
	Yeah.
	Like Steve Bruhl.
	This guacamole.
	Found a new sponsor for your show, says this guy.
	And it is a John Deere car.
	Well, that's pretty fucking great.
	That's just, I guess, the best guy in the world.
	Hello, Marca.
	Y'all check out my new lawnmower.
	Now, this ain't no regular lawnmower, okay?
	This is a Ron Bear.
	And you know what they say?
	Nothing runs through you like a beer.
	Well, how do you wear him?
	He's literally a redneck.
	And I got tired of having to swamp butt every time I cut the grass.
	I wanted something more luxurious.
	So I went and got me a Ron Bear.
	Now I know y'all probably curious about what kind of power plant I got in this luxurious cutting machine.
	This is a Briggs and Stratton 600cc motor.
	This guy's blood type is WWF.
	I'm telling you right now, if I was to turn this motor up full, probably all right.
	So we genetically modified wolves, he says, not wolves, okay, to be hilarious furballs so that my daughter can try to ride it like a pony and not worry about her getting her face torn off.
	Human ingenuity at its finest, if you ask me, plus to lick peanut butter off your nuts when the wife is away without you having to worry your nuts torn off.
	Why you got to be such a killjoy about dogs?
	I don't know.
	They're stupid.
	Gavin, it's pronounced Wah-Gu.
	Wagu.
	Dude, every time you say it wrong, my ears bleed.
	Tokyo Joe.
	Wagyu?
	Wah-wah?
	Yeah, like wah.
	But he says W-A-H.
	That could be wah or wah.
	It could be wah, actually, yeah.
	Wagyu.
	Wagyu.
	At the very least, the sprinkle relative relative to his industry competition.
	Hey, put this motherfucker in park.
	Hey, who needs an eating when you got an Audi?
	Check out this bad motherfucker.
	19 Model Q8, 19,000 miles, all-wheel drive.
	I don't know if it's got one turbo, too.
	Quite frankly, I don't give a flying fuck.
	You talk about a show-stopping pussy-popping dick-driving son of a bitch who you go right here.
	You look inside there.
	It's got so much technological fancy shit.
	I don't even know what's what.
	Backup camera, front camera.
	This whole fucking shit right here is a scream.
	I'll be honest with you, I was gonna price it, but you know what?
	I think old daddy's gonna keep this one.
	Suck my ass.
	1625 South Main Street.
	Give us a call.
	8772896.
	Damn it, Slipper.
	So he owns a fucking...
	That's his promo.
	Quality.
	Speaking of sprinkles, check out I'm Afraid of My Own Scream.
	It's pretty old news, but I just saw it the other day and I thought, this is insanely high-quality humor.
	I just ruined it by being so clinical.
	I'm Cornelius.
	I live in North Carolina, and I'm afraid of my own scream.
	That's good.
	That's sprinkles.
	Probably an ancient Chinese secret, but curious about your opinion on the Trump reference in this vid.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I got to watch the whole vid now?
	Let me guess.
	His head blows up.
	Oh, yeah.
	We're playing Wall Street, okay.
	So, what are you doing?
	Are you anti-Wall Street?
	That'd be funny if the cops went to arrest them and then they just started going.
	It's actually pretty good.
	Lagtown.
	I love how Rage Against the Machine are exactly on par with Nike, Best Buy, maybe not Walmart, but most major corporations and Rage Against the Machine have aligned.
	So you can't Rage Against the Machine because the machine is screaming Black Lives Matter and wokeness and trans and all your stupid shit.
	So now you're just stuck hating Wall Street.
	What does that mean?
	So Wall Street is a place where businesses that have gone public say, hey, Censore.tv is, we're selling a certain percentage of our shares.
	Can you invest in us?
	And then when we make more profit, we'll pay you back.
	That's how economies work.
	Sounds good.
	No!
	Okay.
	How do I get invest?
	Can I get investors?
	I just won't do it on Wall Street.
	Can I go to Indiana and ask to try to sell equity to censored.tv?
	Is that allowed?
	You don't even know what you want.
	You're just like, money, greed.
	Yeah, it's bad.
	Money's bad.
	Meanwhile, fuckface was born and raised in the nicest, richest suburb Chicago has to offer.
	Hey, G-Mang and Barack O'Rion.
	Firstly, thanks for being the only consistent thing since the lockdown started.
	I always look forward to your show, so thank you for that.
	By the way, we had some people complaining that they're getting an hour less of G-O-M-L now that we're doing Wednesdays with Anthony.
	Fuck you.
	And when you signed up for this, you were getting like an hour, 45 minutes to an hour of Get Off My Lawn.
	Now they're getting closer to two hours.
	Yeah, wait, that's not true.
	Yeah, the math doesn't add up there.
	So you're still ahead.
	Because it's like two, four, six, seven hours a week.
	And it used to be five.
	A typical show is around an hour 20, so they're missing 20 minutes if you were to break it down like that.
	Because the live show is still two hours.
	No, our typical shows these days have been two hours.
	Yeah, yeah, but the shortest it'll ever be is like 120.
	All right, let's not talk about this anymore.
	Let me fuck you with my Essex.
	Plus we do extra stuff.
	Plus we have 900 million other shows.
	And you can complain that you don't watch Wayne Dupree or Copper Cab, but I gave you a lot to choose from, and there's more coming.
	So no complaining allowed.
	Thanks.
	Secondly, one of your best videos, in my opinion, was for Rebel when you were chirping Lindsay Lowen for being so hungover she turned Muslim.
	What a great video that was.
	I can't seem to find anymore on YouTube.
	That was always my go-to video when I was looking for a laugh.
	Anyways, gents, take care and all the best.
	P.S. Mets looking decent this year.
	Might be a dark horse.
	Sorry, horse of color.
	For the World Series.
	I like to hear that.
	And this was sent yesterday at 9.08 p.m. before they turned around that game with the Phillies.
	You know something spooky?
	Speaking?
	The previous game, Conforto got a home run that won the game.
	And I was calling my dad to tell him about my son's home run and sitting at the bar watching the game.
	As I was describing my son's home run, Confordo hit his home run.
	Speaking.
	You never know.
	And this one is eating the poop all over the place.
	I'm gonna come.
	He looks like a fucking hooker.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	I thought I was gonna make it crack with one of those.
	Fuck.
	Are you crazy, motherfucker?
	I ain't cracked for sheet.
	Hey, G-Dog, what was it?
	Hey, G-Dog, when was the last time you actually pissed in public?
	Have you come up with any new methods?
	Uh, Sort of.
	I pissed in public at my kids' baseball game several times over the weekend.
	My life is baseball, baseball, baseball.
	I'm not even that much of a jock.
	But what you do is you have your dick.
	I'll use my finger for my dick.
	So your dick is sticking out here, right?
	Now you want to go piss.
	You want to go piss, but there is a chance that some kid could be coming up over the hill or something and see you and see your penis.
	Now you're already on the phone.
	You want to be on the phone when you're pissing because that keeps the eyes up here.
	So one hand is on the phone and the other hand holds the dick like this and then shoots it out.
	That was too much of indecence.
	So you see there the penis, that's the penis.
	So even if someone were to walk up right up to you, they wouldn't see the dick because it's being held like a fist like this.
	Yes, I've done that.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So that wasn't in my video.
	That's a more recent technique.
	Dakota, isn't that a girl's name?
	Why would a woman be asking me about my peeing habits?
	Gavin, oh, you're a connoisseur of fart humor.
	This video made me laugh for a few minutes.
	Hope you and Rai enjoy.
	Let's see some farting.
	This was featured on Josh LaCash's new show, Wrong Opinion Live.
	So we've already seen this on the La Cash show.
	Yeah.
	Should we pause it?
	So it's a teaser.
	Oh, that's a good idea, yeah.
	You can check out that video on Josh LaCash's new hit, Wrong Opinions.
	Every time I see that name, I think of that Jane's Addiction song, Everybody Has Their Own Opinion.
	Not bad.
	All right, last one.
	Oh, wait.
	From a guy named Steve, Straight Fire.
	Holy Shittolla, that is a great get.
	Sent from iPhone.
	Hmm.
	Huh.
	Pretty cool.
	By the way, Josh's take on this was pretty cool.
	Same thing.
	And it is.
	Oh, yeah.
	The being there.
	So that's a good reference, not like the Steve Broll one.
	Right.
	Well, we did a whole episode on being there, if you recall.
	Hell yeah.
	Hey, Gav and Grinder Aficionado.
	I'm thinking about moving to a gentrifying neighborhood.
	Yesterday afternoon, I was walking around showing my mom the area via FaceTime.
	Out of nowhere, this black guy runs up behind me and accuses me of recording women.
	He's yelling loudly, demanding that I delete the videos and threatening to take me out.
	Frankly, I thought he was going to snatch my phone, so I put it down to my side.
	Luckily, a few bystanders who were watching helped defuse the situation.
	I'm a gay, by the way, and don't deal with that kind of confrontation.
	So I pretty much froze and just tried to explain the truth to him, but it's hard to calm him down.
	Well, gay man, I'm afraid the best scenario, the best way to deal with scenarios like this is to scream.
	Not like, ah, help it.
	What are you talking about?
	Get back.
	Don't touch me.
	Don't fucking touch me.
	Get back.
	Get back.
	What's your problem?
	I wasn't filming shit, idiot.
	I'm filming this neighborhood.
	You need to calm down.
	You gotta fight aggression with aggression.
	Because if you just start going, then the wolf smells fear and that makes him snarl harder and come closer.
	Like with aggressive people, they're like dogs.
	You gotta bark them back.
	Get back.
	Hot shit.
	He didn't seem necessarily crazy, just highly aggressive and irrational.
	It was like a clash of cultures.
	Passive and apologetic white guy walking down the street talking to his mom versus domineering and belligerent black man irrationally accusing someone of recording women.
	That probably sounds racist, but I just want to be proven wrong about certain patterns of their behavior.
	I really do.
	I've definitely learned my lesson not to use FaceTime in public anymore.
	I guess it quote unquote upsets them.
	Sounds like he's talking about dinosaurs or something.
	A few weeks ago, I saw a similar situation between a black woman on a street corner who was screaming at a white guy holding a phone.
	Any advice on how to deal with their behavior?
	And yeah, I just covered that.
	Fight fire with fire.
	Don't take any shit from anyone.
	It's like he wasn't listening.
	Brody Dale, what do you think of Brody Dale?
	I don't think of Brody Dale.
	What's...
	Am I supposed to?
	Oh, okay, that's...
	What's taking you so long?
	Roaring Rock.
	Who is that?
	You don't know who that is, dude.
	Yeah, she was in the...
	She's a punky chick.
	She was in the...
	Whatchamacalls?
	She used to have Cone Spikes.
	She dated Tim Armstrong for Manced.
	What were they called again?
	Divinyls, Disorder.
	The fucking...
	Fuggin.
	What were they called?
	That's my name.
	Distillers.
	Distillers, that's it.
	I know one of their songs.
	A Fellas Found a Possible New Audio Drop.
	All right, this will be our last letter.
	This better be good.
	Women aren't funny.
	Dude, why are you watching children's cartoons?
	Like, how did you come across that?
	Oh, that's not a children's cartoon.
	There's blood and violence in there.
	That's got to be for adults, you see.
	There's no such thing as superhero comics for adults.
	I hate superhero comics.
	I hate that people are looking at muscles.
	So much of it is just muscles, muscles, muscles.
	And the artists are sitting there drawing muscles all day and getting the abs just perfect.
	It's not even gay.
	I wish it was gay.
	All right, let's get to the final video.
	Yeah.
	Homeboys get my like.
	Get it.
	Did you do that on purpose?
	Let's do 4-3.
	So casting agents are often gay and they often require sexual favors.
	And I think a lot of people, especially when they're Handsome young men, you will find that they have to do sexual favors.
	Even Scary Perry of Windy City Heat, he allowed a casting agent, I think his name was Callahan, Randy Callahan, something like that.
	He allowed the casting agent to blow him in order to get a role as an extra in a movie.
	And that sucks.
	It's prostitution.
	It's not cool when it happens to women, and it's not cool when it happens to men.
	But what is cool is when a woman on a British talk show is open and honest about this sexual assault that men receive and how much gay sex they're forced to perform to get a role.
	And she's open and honest about it on a talk show.
	This is you as an all-American and a big opportunity for you in Hollywood.
	You must have had to beat off a lot of American men to get this part.
	Why does that make you giggle?
	Did you not have to beat them off?
	To get the role, there was imagine there was quite a few men up for the role as well.
	There were?
	There were.
	And compose yourself.
	This is you as normal American.
	It's great to see some honesty, is it not?
	Why can't he say anything?
	I don't know.
	Why can't he go?
	That means masturbating.
	You're not familiar with American vernacular, so you just said something incredibly silly.
	Katie Hopkins could say something.
	She comes from a different era, though.
	That's ultimately my goal here with free speeches.
	I'm just being selfish.
	I just want laughs again.
	I just want to be able to be honest with people and say, what's that on your nose?
	Like, even if, you know, you meet someone who's got like a weird hand where it's not a hand.
	It's just like a little noodle.
	And you should be able to go, I know you get this a lot.
	What's going on with your hand there?
	Now, you don't overdo it.
	Like, don't go up to tall people and ask them how fucking tall they are.
	And if they play basketball.
	Okay.
	And anyone who's remotely ethnically ambiguous, don't say where you're from, what's your ethnic heritage.
	That's boring.
	But if it's been a couple times and someone has a fucked up, you know, stub or a lobster claw, you should be able to say, was that thalidomide?
	Do you mind if I ask?
	You know, get it out of the way.
	If you're talking to someone who's topless or has huge tits, you should say, Jesus, you have huge tits.
	That's a joke I like to do too with someone with huge tits.
	Like, let's get this out of the way.
	I'm going to have a quick look and then we can move on.
	Whoa.
	Or this is another good joke you do where you go, okay, so can I get another Budweiser?
	And you pretend you're, you know, hiding the tits.
	You know, you want to be able to joke around.
	That's the beauty of American freedom.
	I used to work, ironically, at a Canadian company called Rebel, and they had no HR at the time.
	So you could pinch a girl's ass.
	You know what we did with that freedom?
	You know how badly we abused it?
	I did this joke where I pretended my belt didn't work and I would walk down and my pants would fall down.
	I'd go, oh, god damn it, pretend I was embarrassed.
	Always got a laugh 100% of the time because I was very Chris Farley slapstick about it.
	That's what people do with freedom.
	That's what Westerners do with freedom.
	We don't abuse it.
	We enjoy it.
	And that's why we fought so hard to get this freedom because we know we're safe with it.
	And the fact that you're taking it away is sending us back in time to an era when we couldn't be trusted, where we would burn witches at the stake or kill gays.
	You're making us into Arabs, basically.
	And that's not who we are.
	We're freedom-loving people.
	We love to call it as it is, call it like we see it and be honest because being honest is not just fun, it's funny.
	So stop telling us what to do.
	Stop trying to make us woke.
	Stop lying to us with fake statistics about how awful this country is because we're in it.
	We walk outside and we see it and we love it.
	And we want to be free.
	We want to be free to ride our machines without being hassled by the man.
	And we want to get loaded.
	So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

▲