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March 19, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
37:26
GOML LIVE #90 | HAPPY ST. PAT'S (Part 1)

We got a little too happy on this episode and it would probably be worth deleting if we hadn't literally called the New York Times on their bullshit. GUEST: Alan Feur

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Time Text
*BOOM* Get off my lawn with Gavin McKinnon.
I didn't like his place in this world of ours.
Where the album ever lost my man's exexp and had some pretty close.
So I start to see the grieving of the people that I'm leaving.
And he took the road for goggles in the morning.
We walked into the station in the rain.
We kissed him as we put him on the train.
And we sang him a song that time's long gone.
Knowing that we'd be seeing him again.
I start to say it must be on the way.
So buy me beer and with me as I'm going far away.
That was Sally Macklinan by The Pogues.
Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
We have the live show here.
Unfortunately, I've been drinking all day and I'm fucking shithammered.
So we're gonna pretend that I'm sober and I guess take calls all day?
Sure.
I think people would be upset if you weren't a little smashed up.
Yeah, I was considering pulling my chain out, but I realized that's Italian.
Yeah, I had that problem too.
It's Italian and black.
So, uh, Irish... Irish wear cardigans, green shirts, and, uh, funny hats.
Um... I should also announce that I, um, am gay.
Milo Yiannopoulos didn't just give up his homosexuality, he gave it to me.
And my wife has conceded that she's relieved that I won't constantly be trying to eat her out.
Simply ain't that straight.
So I'm a fag.
And he's straight.
He's a fag!
He's a fag!
He's a straight!
What the fuck, a very difficult situation!
That was pretty good because he had like a little gristle at the end.
Like just some fat Italian breath.
I feel so sorry for his fucking son.
Yeah.
Hey, Joey Soprano, your dad was considered the greatest.
Let me take a step back.
Here in America, mafia movies are all we care about.
And I noticed this when I moved from Canada to America.
They talk about the Godfather every day.
My father-in-law is a normal dude, nerdy dude, biochemist.
He's not like, he's not a murderer.
But when you talk to him about the Godfather, he's like, oh my God, yeah, yeah.
Frito did this and fucking, yeah, they're obsessed with it.
All of them.
And they watch it every Thanksgiving, which I don't get.
Here's the thing I never got about Americans when I moved here.
They'll watch the same movie 19 times.
Oh yeah.
I don't get that.
I'm British and Canadian.
When we see a movie, we're good.
But they'll watch it again and again and again.
That's the one thing I can't seem to reconcile about being an American is watching the same fucking movie over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Run through a motherfucking movie.
I don't get it.
I really don't get it.
Doesn't look like he's trying to follow too closely in his father's footsteps though.
Um, I forgot what I was talking about.
So let's, uh, show how unprepared we are.
And, uh, even though we have plenty of notes and just make this show a bunch of phone calls.
Yeah.
I'm not going to draw it too.
I'm too drunk.
I've been drinking all day.
All right.
Connecting.
Do you like my hat?
Yeah, that's pretty legit.
I can tell it's like a good... Did I tell you, when I bought this hat, a fucking homeless black man spat on me?
What?
Do you remember that?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Want to tell this story?
Wait, I vaguely remember that.
Right, so it was, the guys in my gym, champs, we said, let's have a, like, uh... What's the show?
With the EastEnders, the fucking... Oh, the Bar Crawl, uh... Not Penny Dreadful.
Fucking... Penny... Peaky Blinders.
Peaky Blinders Pub Crawl.
Yes.
So I have, obviously, I have three-piece tweed suits.
I actually have a fucking stopwatch, whatever it is.
Pocket watch, yeah.
Pocket watch of my grandfather's that still works.
And my grandfather was wealthy.
It's my grandfather that blew the savings and made my mom poor.
You know how it goes?
Poor men make weak times, weak men make good times, blah, blah, blah.
So my mom grew up poor, but her father was wealthy.
My grandfather was very wealthy.
Both my grandfathers were wealthy and both my parents grew up poor.
Anyway.
Congratulations.
So I have a super fancy pocket watch that's like probably 200 bucks today.
And That was my mom's dad's dad my mom my mother's grandfather my great-grandfather um, so I have all that shit, but I didn't have the hat and So I went I was walking around downtown and I was looking at Wherever you buy these from what is this?
There's a particular place that has all the hats.
This is a Stefano or whatever And I'm in the new New York, which is called a shithole and There's these two giant black dudes Accosting a random East Indian gentleman, and they're about six four and they're like, what are you fucking gonna do?
There's no method to their madness.
They'll just like shoving him and I He's not really in danger because they're just like, what are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
And they're shoving him and he's going, calm down.
And so I pull out my phone and I start recording and they go, oh, you're recording now.
So their attention diverts to me.
And then they go.
Oh, they spit.
One of them spit, spit all over me.
And I'm fucking covered.
I'm absolutely covered.
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
This is, I think, pre-COVID.
So I can't blame the pandemic.
I'm covered in spit from top to bottom.
And it's like this.
It's like fucking pepper spray.
So I'm going like this.
And then he said something else.
I'm forgetting the story now.
But I was so disoriented by getting the spit off my face that I couldn't hear what it was after that.
And I went into the hat store.
And I was still, I was like, do you have a bathroom or something?
I had spit all over me.
So I washed up in the bathroom and then I just got this hat.
And this hat was ridiculously expensive.
It was like 80 bucks.
Anyway.
You turn around and walk away!
After getting spat on.
That's where we are.
We got calls.
Let's do it.
We got Stephanie.
Wait a minute, I have something to say.
Did you know that you're not fair?
I saw that coming.
When you hear the Pogues, you're hearing an Englishman, a guy with an English accent, doing an affected Irish accent.
Shane McGowan is as Irish as I am English.
He moved to England when he was six.
I moved to Canada when I was five.
So, I don't talk about being English because I'm not.
Billy, I don't affect an English accent.
Shane McGowan should not affect an Irish accent.
He's English.
How is it with you?
Fine.
Fine.
You drinking water right now?
Not gin.
Not gin.
You like gin?
Pure gin.
Look how aggressively he's holding that cup.
He's squeezing it to that.
You like gin?
Pure gin.
Sorry man.
Are they at the airport?
Oh my god, stop eating so many broken Cheerios.
Oh my god, stop eating so many broken Cheerios.
Just eating a hardtack with his front teeth.
Just eating rejected chicklets.
Chiclets factory.
What are you eating?
Other teeth?
Yeah.
Stop eating people's teeth.
Grow your own teeth.
Someone told me that you could get better teeth if you ate other people's teeth.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh, you're listening to a guy with an affected accent.
Yeah, so Shane McGowan is faking an Irish accent and Phil Lynott of the epic, totally rockin' Irish band Thin Lizzy is faking an American accent.
Tonight is gonna be a jailbreak.
That's an Irishman.
He sounds like the most American singer I've ever heard.
I know he's brown, but he's Irish.
Born and raised Irishman.
Mom's some black chick who fucked an Irish dude.
Listen to this.
Top of the mornin' to ya.
Looks like Ali... I love Loki Charms.
Looks like Ali Alex Hendricks.
Well, your mom, too.
We'll be talking to her in a moment.
What's this about going to live in Hoth?
Come on.
Right, well, the left is... The problem with them is that the Democrats never own up to what they're going to do, so we have to get strong action on them, and that's why we hold them accountable.
It's actually not a band.
Ali.
Ruins the image, you know, Phil.
Ruins the image.
Uh, well...
I was looking for a place to live in Ireland because, you know, when I moved away... That's trippy.
I thought, well, I must come home, you know, because I really suffer from homesickness.
I really suffer from homesickness.
Not so much Ireland.
So, when you hear... I hate to ruin St.
Paddy's Day, but when you hear Thin Lizzy, you're hearing an Irishman do an American accent, and when you hear The Post, you're hearing an Englishman do an Irish accent.
Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak.
I'm jammed!
The boys, you better let them fight around.
You know what killed this fucker is heroin.
Another one?
Solo in Soho.
Look up that album.
You know what killed this fucker is heroin.
Another one?
Solo and Soho.
Look up that album.
He got into smack.
And then he had a fun song about punks.
Yes.
He's like, Generation X, we're next.
The Sex Pistols were an old time crash.
Is that it?
What's it called?
Uh, yeah, this is the whole album.
But there's Dear Miss Lonely Hearts, King's Call, Tattoo, Solo in Soho, Girls... Solo in Soho.
Look up Solo in Soho.
It's all about punk.
And it was just him fucked out of his mind on fucking heroin, the poor, should I say poor bastard? - It's every time. - It's like a heroin back in the should I say poor bastard? - It's every time. - It's That's some heroin back there.
This is like a clash-like evolution.
He mentions The Clash.
Oh, really?
The Clash.
We're headed on an all-time crash.
Is this the only song that sounds like this?
Great.
The Sex Pistols were in swindles.
This is garbage.
Yeah, they got experimental there.
This is garbage, you junky asshole!
This is their Secret 77.
No, now we have to hear the Phil Lynott song from that album about the Sex Pistols.
What are our options?
Alright, so we got Girls, Yellow Pearl, Ode to a Black Man, Jamaican Rum.
That's it.
And then there's Tattoo, King's Call, Dear Miss Lonely Hearts.
I can look it up.
None of those are a thing.
He has like Sham 69, we're in shambles.
Like it's all puns.
Talkin' 79?
Yeah, that's it.
Talkin' 79.
Let's hear that.
The Clash were headed for an all-time crash.
Meanwhile he's doing a fake fucking... He's talking shit?
Now he's doing a fake English accent.
Is this like a diss track?
Sort of.
The clash were headed for a head-on collision.
Clash for complete control.
The pistols left behind a swindle and a scandal nobody wished to handle.
It is pretty cool.
You can't deny it's cool.
Generation X was next.
That's my band.
Generation X was next.
Generation X was next.
That's my band.
This is a fucking diss track.
This is a fucking diss track.
They've had to survive forever.
Divo didn't know.
D.Vo didn't know?
Because they could not get no satisfaction.
The rats were caught in their own trap.
Steve Strange began to change.
Ultrabox had a system.
Crankwork had a system.
And the Yellow Magic Orchestra missed them.
It's heavily written.
This is interesting.
Yeah.
Why aren't there any, like, rock diss tracks?
Anyway, fuck off!
There should be rock diss tracks.
Yeah, let's do rock diss tracks.
We fuckin' don't.
ACDC, sir!
Fuck you Led Zeppelin.
You're fuckin' gay.
We got Stefani or Stephanie?
Before we get started, by the way, let's recognize that, um, we got caught.
Uh, oh we have reads too.
I always said that no one would notice that Ryan was QAnon.
Right.
I said we're going to do that.
I'm going to release all my top information through him.
He's a useless Puerto Rican nip.
Correct.
That's what it seems at least.
But it's not that.
He's actually a very astute world governor.
Trust my plan.
And Ryan Katsu Rivera is QAnon.
So I guess we should confess that now, right?
I'd like to keep people in the dark a little longer.
No, why bother?
Alright, fine.
Folks at home, you've been looking for QAnon.
He has been identified as Ryan Katsu Rivera.
You're welcome.
And by the way, when you see a retard like Ryan running something as big as QAnon, you know it's me.
I'm QAnon.
I'm the fall guy.
And Generation X was next.
Wait, where the hell?
Where's my picture?
of me as QAnon.
Shouldn't you be bringing this up?
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Thank you.
Bye.
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Thanks, Tactical Walls.
We like you more than a friend.
And again, Tactical Walls did this.
They did this beautiful statue where I am a war vet.
You see this?
Fall right out.
You're ready for all of your home defense needs.
You can close it back up when you're done.
It's got like a hydraulic sort of thing so it doesn't drop hard.
Yeah, that's the whole thing.
things are always in magnets come back where they belong you're good to go so just under there again it's just this little magnet can be utilized with any type of knickknack that you choose if you guys have any questions at all feel free to contact us some secret you'd be great in bed by the way Well, I don't know who that is according to the company.
That could be relative.
It could be Mike's wife.
Yeah, so that's... And we're not disparaging her.
No.
Right?
You're just calling him a lucky man.
A lucky man.
He's a lucky man.
We've had this caller on for a while and we psyched her out twice.
Okay.
I think it's time.
For Stephanie to speak her peace and say her truth.
Stephanie, let's talk to you!
Hot damn, finally!
Oh, the echo is there.
I love it.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
Let's get rid of that.
Echo departing in three, two...
Okay, Gavin.
How about now?
Still same echo?
We live in California, but we both kind of have mobile jobs, so we're trying to find out where we should live.
Wait, I'm sorry.
You're in the same boat as me.
- You're trying to figure out where to move to?
Hello?
Are you there?
Can you hear me?
Hello?
Oh my god, this is so irritating.
Hello?
So her echo appears to be about a minute long.
No.
- Okay.
- This is so irritating.
- You're on.
- You're on.
- Hello?
- Is there any bonus to meet you if you're trying to see where it moved to? - Yes.
Sorry, you muted me for like a minute. - So her echo appears to be about a minute long.
No, no, now she's back in action.
Okay.
Hey, uh, what's the caller's name?
Wait, you gotta listen to us now, not the, not the, the stream.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
It's Stephanie and I'm, my husband and I are trying to find out where to live.
We're in the same boat as Gavin.
Okay.
So you, I just, please repeat after me.
One.
One.
Two.
Two.
Three.
Three.
Okay, so there's a bit of a delay, but it's not bad.
And where are you guys right now?
We're in California.
All right, so here's my solution to your problem.
Ready?
Yes.
The area is Eastern Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina.
That sounds like a crazy, huge expanse of American land.
It's actually as big as Westchester, which is where I live now.
It's just, it's like two hours apart.
So we're going to go there together, you and I, and we're going to rent an apartment.
Rent a really nice apartment for a year anywhere near Asheville, North Carolina.
And we're going to look at Knoxville.
We're going to look at everywhere in that area.
And we're going to look at homes to buy.
And then we'll buy a home in an area that is mega and safe and has expats.
And, uh, uh, we're not going to be ostracized.
Okay.
That sounds good.
I mean, anything is better than California at this point.
California's got to go.
How old are you?
We were looking at, we're looking at Texas, but now I'm worried about the border crisis that nobody reports about.
Yeah.
Texas is a problem.
It's also so fucking hot.
Like the beauty of Eastern Tennessee and North Carolina is you don't burn alive.
Well, I think there's tornadoes right there right now.
I saw someone talking about tornado warning in Tennessee.
I can take a tornado.
Um, how old are you?
Gavin, you're the only 10 I see.
Oh, appreciate it.
How old is your wife?
What?
How old are you?
We're like 35.
Can you tell us all about your first period?
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
What was that like?
What?
What was it like?
Was it damning?
Did you have like tennis shorts on?
What was the deal there?
That is an interesting question.
You know, I thought that was just a shock conversation.
I want to make it a theme.
Tonight's call-ins are mostly about your first period.
We're going to turn now to that outbreak of... I was at Girl Scout camp, actually.
You what?
I was at Girl Scout camp when I got my first period, but my mom was there, so that was nice.
And what were the symptoms?
I don't know, look it up on Wikipedia.
So you had, did you ruin like your pants?
No.
So you pre-pawned, okay.
So what happened?
Every woman tonight, we're gonna ask her about her first period.
I'm sure you'll get more women wanting to call in men.
So what happened with you?
Like you had some sprinklings?
What was the deal?
Yeah, I think so.
I don't even remember.
That was like 20-something years ago.
Alright, well thanks for calling.
You're cut off.
Not enough details.
That's the punishment you get when you don't have... How can you not remember that?
It's like a first kiss.
Yeah.
Do you remember the first time you came?
Uh, yeah, I remember the first time stuff came out.
Really?
I don't.
Huh.
I remember I was in the bathroom and some, it was like, stringy.
And I was like, this is what I've been hearing about.
That's it.
I remember beating off until my dick would go bright red and then nothing would happen.
Yeah, it just gets angry.
It's like, ah!
12.
It just gets sore.
And then I said to Dale Eakin, I go, I've been trying to masturbate.
And he goes, what?
That's fucking gross.
Are you serious?
And I went, no, I'm kidding.
Can you imagine someone actually, you know, what?
Like what?
Oh my God.
Uh, no, no, I don't do that.
Then you hit a phase where you think it's cool.
We're like, yeah, jerking off.
Am I right, folks?
Born a jerk.
By the way, folks, this green t-shirt, I went over to the Fag Zone today, this morning at about 10 a.m., and I said, hey, Ryan, do you have my champ shirt?
And he goes, yeah, yeah, I have that.
And I go, where the fuck is it?
And he goes, oh, it's in my dirty laundry.
I go, okay, well how long has it been in there?
Why is it in there?
And he goes, oh you made me wear this shirt.
And I'm going, I think I made you wear this shirt at St.
Patrick's Day because it's an Irish shirt.
And he goes, yeah you did.
I go, that's literally one year ago today.
Yeah.
He has dirty laundry that's one year old.
Correct.
Isn't that fucked up?
And I go, okay, here's what we should do.
I'm in the fag zone.
I have a contractor bag.
I go, let's take this contractor bag.
And put everything bad in the contractor bag.
And he goes, well, um, I already started that.
I have a contractor bag.
In his hoards, like he's a hoarder, in his hoards of hoard, he has like a pile of shit with a contractor bag that has like two shirts in it.
Right?
Everybody?
Yes.
Yes.
So he has a contractor bag with two shirts in it in his hoarding.
And he goes, I just, I thought the other shirts are, like I don't wear them, but I should donate them.
I'm like, don't donate them.
There's nothing to donate to.
There's no donating.
I hate this fucking shit.
There's no, no one's, there's no poor black American children going, I wish someone would send me a shirt so I could just go outside and have a fucking shirt on.
Stop.
And this goes for all of you out there.
Fucking, Put it in a contractor bag.
I'm married to a hoarder.
I wish I was married to a hoarder.
I'm not.
And I have rented a fucking container.
Three times.
Three times since we've been married.
And I've filled it thrice.
Thrice.
One time it was almost always shoes.
Come on man!
Mikey!
All right, let's take another call.
We've got Sean.
Sean, you're on the line.
Hello?
Hello.
Hello?
Yo.
Fellers, how you doing?
Great, great, great.
Quick question for you, Gav.
Yep.
I was wondering if you can speak a little bit about East Village Radio and those times in New York in the early aughts.
Okay, coming up.
You ready?
And thank you for calling.
East Village Radio was run by a pizza place, Frankie's Pizza, and they did a great job.
It had a very little span.
One of the weirdest things about it was there was a woman, I remember we, I would appear on this show a lot with the The dude from the thing and the other guy from the stuff?
I forget their names.
I probably shouldn't name their names or it'll ruin their careers.
But before us was this reggae hour and the woman who did it had huge fucking dreads and shit and she was German.
So she'd go, hello, how are you?
What are you doing?
Don't fuck around.
Okay.
So I'm going to be going up after you guys.
Okay.
So let's do it, Ben.
And then we would be done our set.
And then she'd go, well, go on.
Welcome back.
And she did a whole, she became a Jamaican person for her set.
Isn't that weird?
Anyway, the guys I did that show with are super cool dudes who I love that will probably never speak to me again.
There it is.
What's their names?
Jay?
No, not those guys.
Jay something?
Anyway, those two dudes who I would still get along with like great if we were, if it wasn't this world we're in today.
But if I walked, like if I ding-dong their doorbell, if I ding-dong their doorbell in 2014, they go, hey man, what's up?
If I ding-dong their doorbell today, they would shit their fucking pants.
I think it's Jay and Jason.
Anyway, I still remember everything about those dudes.
I could talk shit about them.
I could say they're rapists.
I could say they fucked girls when the girls were passed out.
That's not the case.
Super awesome dudes.
Great guys.
Sort of like David Cross.
David Cross was my best pal.
We peaced out during the divorce and my Revenge is to say, great guy.
And also the thing about David is everyone wanted to fuck him, which I did not understand.
He's bald and ugly, but he never considered cheating on any girlfriend he ever had.
I'm happy to shit on people who dump me that are assholes.
I couldn't wait.
Couldn't wait to do it.
Oh, the guy was in Japanther.
No, what was he in?
You can't find those guys?
In that article it just said a bunch of Frankies.
Japanther.
With Matt Riley and Ian Venick.
Who's the singer of Japanther?
No, that's a different band, sorry.
Maybe I'm thinking of the other Japanther band.
What were they called?
Anyway, next call.
Let's see, we got Dominic.
Why don't you take this while I go piss?
Alright.
Yo, Dominic, you're on the line, dawg.
Hey, what's up guys, can you hear me?
Yes.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
Hey, what's up all sparkly eyes and warden of the fag zone?
What's that?
So, what's up all sparkly eyes and warden of the fag zone?
I'm both of those.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
So, Gavin, listen, I'm a regular listener to the show.
I think you're awesome.
And I just wanted to call and, like, oh, so Gavin's not there.
Yeah, dude, I'm here.
Just do the fucking call.
Oh, Jesus, sorry.
So, you know, your musical acumen is very impressive, right?
I haven't stopped listening to that Tune Yard album.
Oh, yeah, that's weird.
I haven't stopped listening to the Care Yard.
What's that?
Oh, I get it.
That's, yeah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Jeez, I'm fucking bombing right now.
No, you're not.
No, this is Ryan.
I'm trying to be a dick, but I'm just...
Yeah, so over the weekend I went to a poker game with some buddies of mine.
So, again, Gavin, your musical taste is really, really impressive.
I'd love to have a conversation with you one day, but I'm a piece of garbage and you'd never give me that time.
But I decided at this poker game to throw on Ryan's Up and Down song again, and it turned into a Westboro Baptist Church fucking chorus of FAGGOT!
FAGGOT!
That doesn't make me feel good at all.
That's fantastic, sir.
How did you find the song?
Where'd you get the song from?
Hello?
Sir?
He dropped it.
I did not drop him.
Promise.
We can get him back.
Yeah, I swear to God.
I want to hear where he got it from.
Okay, let's dig up your song.
Um, see, well, I took it off the internet and it can't be found.
I looked and somebody said I was bullshitting.
It's the up and the down.
It's the up, the down.
You gotta go up, you gotta go down.
You can see it from the show, that's it.
You gotta go up, you gotta go down.
Nope, doesn't exist.
Alright, let's get him back on the line.
Dominic.
Call back and then say you're Dominic.
Oh, here he is.
Call back.
See, I can call him back.
I can do that sort of thing.
John?
Dominic?
Yeah, so where did you hear the song from?
Gavin wants to know.
Actually, I recorded it a few weeks back when you played it on one of the episodes.
Fantastic.
Oh, cool.
Ryan scrubbed it from the internet.
Oh, no, no.
It's become my favorite song.
I listen to it with my wife daily.
How does it go?
You want to go up?
You should have gone down.
How does it go?
I'm not going to stoop to your gay levels and sing that fucking song.
What?
So, another funny thing, my wife is a Puerto Rican woman, a Latino woman, and when I first started really, really getting into your show, she associated you with the Proud Boys, and just assumed because of all the fucking fake bullshit media that you guys were Nazis and racists.
In the sense that...
You know, I'm not singing on a daily basis, but I've caught her singing the Gavin Mailbag song in the shower, which is pretty awesome.
Okay, cool.
Thanks for your call.
Toodaloo!
Ups and downs and lefts and rights and fucking left and right.
I like that.
You know, pretty cool.
He thought I was you.
He bought it.
Mark is online.
Or Peter, rather.
Sorry.
Peter?
I hate Peter.
Yo!
Hello?
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Why is that?
What is it in that shit?
Comes from the earth, man.
Maybe it's God.
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So are we parting ways with the freebies?
Yeah, who's that?
We're 38 minutes in.
Oh yeah, let's say that.
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