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March 9, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:55:34

S03E82 - RESPECT YOUR ELDERS (FULL)

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
	These eyes cry every night for you.
	That was originally the guess who, eventually Burton Cummings.
	Cummings or Cummings?
	When he went solo.
	Why go to school anymore?
	I was listening to these eyes in the car on Saturday, Sunday, Sunday.
	And I thought, fuck, that's a good jam.
	And then I was curious about the vocalist Burton Cummins.
	Is it Cummins?
	Cummings.
	Cummings.
	I was curious about Burton Cummings.
	He's from Winnipeg, which is fucking freezing, folks.
	When I meet someone from Winnipeg, I go like this.
	Hey.
	It's like, thank you for your service.
	You live inside of an ice cube.
	It's intense up there.
	But Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings both came from Winnipeg.
	And they're both some of the most prolific songwriters in the history of time.
	And as I get older, I get more and more reverent about songwriters and what a rare skill it is, especially people who can write a bunch.
	There's so few human beings like this.
	Taylor Swift is one.
	Sorry, but she is.
	Tom Petty?
	Tom Petty?
	Shane McGowan of the Pogues.
	You think, oh, these are all old Irish classics.
	No, he wrote a ton of those songs.
	Very few of them, in fact, Old Irish classics.
	But when you look up Burton Cummings' hits, there's like fucking 12.
	Now, I've heard that you get about 400 grand a year for a hit.
	Like, what's that police song?
	Every Breath You Take?
	I heard that Sting just gets $400,000 a year for that.
	So when you have this many times half a mil, that's some pretty good.
	So what are the ones we recognize?
	Go to the top.
	Are these all his hits?
	Stand tall.
	I don't know, Break It To Them Gently.
	I don't know, I'm Scared.
	Wait, I don't know these songs.
	I will play a Rhapsody, I guess.
	I kind of know.
	These aren't his hits, Ryan.
	It says highlights.
	Yeah, that doesn't mean they're his hits.
	American Woman was him.
	Oh, wow.
	She's come undone.
	Stand tall.
	Don't be too small.
	What else is there?
	Can you just say that?
	When a man loves a woman?
	This is his greatest hits.
	2017, his greatest hits ever.
	Of 98 songs.
	You ain't seen nothing yet.
	You just ain't seen nothing yet.
	I think that's him and Randy Bachman.
	Like, She's Come Undone was Randy Bachman.
	And I saw this great documentary on the weekend about the Go-Go Girls.
	And they talk about how towards the end, one of them saw one of the checks that the bassist got.
	And the bassist was a songwriter.
	And they were fucking huge.
	They were making probably $100,000 a night playing shows in the 80s.
	And then they see this guitarist get a way bigger check and they were all pissed off because they haven't really been taught to revere this incredible skill.
	The reason you guys are on tour is because of We Got the Beat.
	And it's hard.
	There's doodle doo doodle.
	It's not just a riff.
	It's doodle to doodle doodle doodle to doodle doodle.
	All the kids go walking down to school.
	We're standing in line.
	We got the beat.
	We got...
	That's a whole other thing.
	All of these songs too, like she's coming on Bop and Dooden Daba Dooba Doodada.
	So what's that?
	Great jams.
	This is a great documentary.
	What's it called?
	It's called The Go-Go's.
	Came out in 2020.
	We are the first local band that wrote their own material and played their own instruments to be really successful.
	In the course of a year, we have gone from playing five boards to Madison Square Garden.
	There never would have been the Bogos without the punk rock scene in Los Angeles.
	Anybody could do whatever they wanted.
	It was total freedom.
	The punk scene, a little bit of a game.
	Play the way you wanted to play, and you were accepted.
	People used to cross the street when they saw me.
	I felt powerful for the first time.
	When they asked, hey, do you play lead guitar?
	I figured I'd play bass.
	That chick on the bass.
	Charlotte Kathy, she wrote most of the hits.
	There's three songs to it.
	Roger Daltry was really pissed at Pete Townsend because he's like, I want to have my hits.
	Why do you get all the money?
	And Peter goes, okay, write me some hits, dude.
	And he wrote a bunch of shit songs.
	We played them on the show the other day and they suck.
	He's got two songs and they reek to high hell.
	It's fucking hard to write a song.
	So the guess who is American Woman, right?
	That was 65 to 75.
	They were fucking huge.
	Randy Bachman of BTO with the taking care of business, working overtime.
	When they were on The Simpsons, Homer Simpson kept yelling, get to the working overtime part.
	Like the, what do we call those?
	Come sail away with me, lads.
	Vocal garnishes.
	Yeah, vocal garnishes.
	Get to the vocal garnish.
	Spring feed!
	We're going to play all your old favorites.
	But first, we'd like to dip into our new CD.
	Taking care of business.
	Don't worry, sir.
	We'll get to the docking.
	No new crap.
	Taking care of business now.
	Get to the working over time, pop!
	Just the one part, yeah.
	So, yeah, Randy Bachman left the guest 2 at their peak in 1970.
	You know why?
	You'll never guess in a billion years.
	No cheating.
	I don't know.
	They were irreligious.
	They were partying.
	They were doing Coke.
	They were fucking chicks.
	It's against Christ.
	So then he left.
	He started a family band.
	And then eventually he started BTO Bachman Turner Overdrive.
	And they had a ton of hits.
	And they got to do...
	Look at that guy, George Strombalopoulos.
	Then they got, is that him?
	And we were selling millions of records, and we were making thousands of dollars a night, and the traveling was good, but it was starting to take its toll with each guy, you know.
	And I guess each guy, at the time, there were four of us, and each guy kind of reached his limit at a different time along the way.
	And I think Randy just couldn't hack the traveling, for one thing, because he's more of a family man than the other three of us are, or were, or whatever.
	I mean, that's the...
	I didn't hear what he said.
	He just came out and said that every guy dealt with the success and the schedule their own way.
	At a certain point, you couldn't hack it because you're more of a family man than they were at the time.
	Well, to be away 90 days and have a weekend at home.
	You know what's happening?
	You hold the kids crying.
	When BTO got cooking in the late 70s, they were playing every single night for years.
	So it doesn't really hold up.
	Maybe because it's the partying afterwards.
	They would do the partying, he gets to go home after.
	Did you know they once had a deep-fried rat?
	Pardone?
	BTO were at Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a rat had fallen off one of the pipes into the deep fryer.
	So as they're going through their chicken, there's a fucking rat in there.
	Is that one of those like Richard Gere gerbil butt stories?
	No, it's a true story.
	They tell it.
	You've written some songs, right?
	When up was down and down was up and life was all a crazy game.
	Yeah, I still write some songs.
	Let's hear a melody.
	Well, you want to hear some of my newer stuff?
	No, I don't want you to show me some dumb beats.
	I want like a song like taking care of business.
	But that's not my song.
	When up was down and down was up.
	What was that one?
	Oh, I'm not going to sing that one.
	Yes, you are.
	I'm passing through the days where I couldn't care less.
	If anyone saved me, now I see we see the same way.
	But I never would have met you, never would have hear.
	You know, there's Bachman.
	Then they did it.
	You ain't seen nothing yet?
	Well, that's a weird ending.
	No, I'm just now.
	Do you have any other songs that you can sing?
	I have recordings.
	No, no, that's boring.
	That's just you noodling away with fucking Guitar Hero or whatever.
	I don't do acapella.
	I mean, they don't do acapella either.
	I mean, if you've got those guys in a room, you say, go ahead, sing your song and be like, I mean, I don't have a guitar.
	What am I?
	A joke?
	I've written a ton of songs.
	I only have the pieces of them.
	Do you want to hear them?
	Yes.
	This is what I've been working on for probably 20 years now.
	It's a country song.
	Diddle-dling.
	Maybe you could get your guitar.
	Okay.
	Do you know the chords?
	No, it's just...
	So just have like a ding-dling-ding dling.
	I don't know.
	Just play music in the background.
	This song is about other countries moving here to America or to the West in general.
	And how the Bible says in the Tower of Babel that we should all have our own areas.
	So regular little country beat here.
	Yeah.
	So first do it like a Yeah.
	I love you, China, with your...
	No, it's much slower.
	I love you, China, with your mountains of snow and your centuries of history everywhere I go.
	I love you, Africa, with your deserts so wild.
	First man came through Egypt and he crossed the river Nile.
	But stay where you are, stay where you are.
	I'll stand here on my land.
	Stand here strong on my land.
	If you stay where you are, stay where you are.
	Stay where you are.
	You can come here for a holiday, but then fucking stay where you are.
	And then jigga-jang.
	Doom, boom, badoon, dumb, badoom, damn, badoon.
	And then it's uh, okay, but we'll do that.
	I love you, Mexico, with your dick.
	And then I have not done that part yet.
	But I'm gonna do like, I love you, Mexico, is a puerto bayal.
	It's always puerto ballar with you.
	If you listen to the other, the reggaetong, every time you do Japanese, it's I think it comes from my son, Johnny.
	When he was a little kid, he was ruining the kid's toothpaste by pouring water into it.
	I have this on a video somewhere, and I go, what are you doing?
	And he couldn't speak English at the time.
	And he goes, oh, chess cho baya.
	That's better than the isha fat.
	It just sounds like English.
	And I sort of went, I could tell his tone was, this isn't what you think.
	I'm being innocent.
	So I just went, oh, okay, I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	Chescho baya.
	I also wrote the middle of a song.
	It goes like this, ready?
	It's kind of like Len.
	Those guys are like, steal my sunshine.
	It's that kind of a song.
	And it's like, did you get caught when your hot got caught in the dark?
	You don't even have a stop.
	Ha ha.
	And you, and you, and that's all I got there.
	Sometimes that's all you need.
	And then when we were away in Europe in the early 90s, going on a punk tour, staying in squats and hitchhiking, me and my buddy Steve, the guy I told you about last week who threw firecrackers and had a concerned citizen on his tail, we said,
	let's write the gayest song we can.
	And so I had a song with Tina Turner and Brian Adams, and it was like, When I look into your eyes, I see the smile that's there.
	Cause I need you now more than ever before.
	Cause I need you now.
	You know, I'm crying out for more.
	When I look into your eyes, I see the smile that's there inside of me.
	When I look into your eyes, I see the smile that's there.
	Cause I need you now whenever you're just keeps on going.
	Because I need you now.
	Yeah.
	It's almost like a.
	That's what I don't get about songwriting.
	I get how you come up with a hook or a thing.
	How do you get out of it?
	But that's like, now you got to add 40 other things?
	Your thing just kept going.
	Yeah, I just thought, okay, I got it.
	We're done.
	Like Lou Reed says when he wrote Vicious, he goes, Andy Warhol came up to me and he said, you hit me with a flower.
	You should know he goes, Andy Warhol came up to me and goes, you should do a song about Vicious.
	And Lou Reed's like, what do you mean?
	He goes, just, I don't know, like, be like, you hit me with a flower.
	And Lou Reed was like, the song wrote itself after that.
	Like, how?
	That's funny.
	And then Steve's song was good.
	It was, but it was so good.
	It was so gay that I go, I hate that song.
	He's like, we had a fight about it, actually.
	We kind of got on each other's nerves on that trip.
	But we had a fight where I go, that song is fucking gay.
	And he goes, that's what we were trying to do.
	What, my gay song's too shitty?
	And I go, yeah, it makes me feel bad.
	He goes, that was the point of the exercise.
	He was right.
	But anyway, this is his song.
	I'm looking for something and I don't know where, yeah.
	Rip jeans and wavy long hair.
	You got to do it.
	You know it's the time.
	Pull up your socks and find your line.
	That's the worst part.
	Oh, find your line.
	I was like, ah.
	I was almost with it until.
	And then don't forget that you can't start.
	Oh, yeah, that's the song I wrote last year.
	And all I have is this chorus.
	You can't start a fight with the petty bone.
	You can't start a fight.
	Hey, hey, hey, hey, you can't.
	And then there's a part in the middle where it's just, you can't start a fight with the petty bone.
	You can't start a fight.
	That's pretty cool.
	You can't start a fight.
	I'd say keep the lyrics.
	I know Pettibone's like a work in progress word where you want to replace that, but.
	I've tried other words.
	It doesn't work.
	So it's about trying to fight Raymond Pettibone.
	I don't even know if that's how you pronounce it.
	It might be Pettibon.
	I don't know if that's a man.
	And I don't know.
	Yeah, he's a painter.
	He did the Sonic Youth covers and all that stuff.
	Black Flag record covers.
	He's a very popular artist who's not very good at drawing.
	Not very good at it, if you will.
	Getting good at it, if you will.
	Did you hear Chip Chipperson's song?
	It really reminds me of your friend Steve's song.
	Find your line.
	Exactly.
	That same type of thing.
	It's like someone pulling a long thread out of your butthole that you ate.
	Find your line.
	It really made me cringe.
	By the way, good news, folks.
	Nita Fashions, where I get my outfits from, is sending me new shirts today.
	Wow.
	So I'll be able to do the top button without having a panic attack, which is as close as I can get as this.
	So we'll be back to ties soon.
	That is fun.
	And they also took out the waist in all my suits.
	I shipped them back.
	They did it for free.
	And then they made maybe two shirts that were like $50 each.
	I want to try them on before I buy a bunch more.
	And then they shipped them back.
	So the shirts were like, they weren't free.
	But they altered my suits.
	They had added four inches already, so it was easy to take them out.
	But they did it for free, but I had to pay for shipping.
	And that was to Hong Kong.
	So that was $380.
	You're kidding.
	No.
	$150.
	$190.
	That's a pain.
	There come back.
	That's a pain.
	Let's hear chips on.
	And if you put the keys in, my heart will start.
	I remember the Sunday that we met.
	You bet.
	I'll never forget.
	I was walking round with my heart locked up.
	Wishing there was a key because my heart was locked up.
	I got the key to the kingdom of my heart.
	And it can put the key.
	How many views does that have?
	Actually, only 315.
	They made it unlisted, but I had looked at it when it first came out, so I guess I have access now.
	Why is it unlisted?
	Maybe he's a shame.
	Maybe he put on his Patreon.
	This one has 173 views.
	I don't think people know this exists.
	I love Jim Norton.
	I like him more than a friend.
	We've had arguments in the past, but he's man enough to say, what's your beef with me?
	And we had a one-hour fight where he didn't want me on the Opi and Anthony show because he was worried it would make Shane Smith mad.
	And he just got a gig with Vice.
	And so he claimed that he just didn't want to be surprised with something he couldn't back up.
	And I said, that's bullshit.
	And that was our fight for one hour.
	Anyway, that was many, many, many years ago.
	Probably 10 years ago now.
	But I have nothing but respect for the guy.
	And I told him they're going to cancel your show, by the way, immediately.
	So you're going to regret this.
	And I love his comedy, and I listen to all his specials, and I text him when they're on, and I go, that was hilarious, whatever.
	This reminds me of that, whatever.
	We talk sporadically.
	I cannot get into Chip Jefferson.
	I don't get it.
	It doesn't fit in my head.
	It's like homosexuality.
	I understand that other people like to suck each other's dicks, but I just can't get it in.
	And I don't even understand when people are on that show, I don't get like, who are you?
	Like, does Anthony, when he's on the show, he pretends that that's Chip?
	You participate with Chip, yeah, you interact with Chip.
	Well, that's annoying.
	It's like drag queens.
	Like, you don't know if you're supposed to be them.
	Like, what's he saying right there, for example?
	Go back.
	He's showing you all the different Jim Norton characters.
	Do you get to have a friend who you want to tell what a piece of garbage he is, or how fat he's getting, or how much you kind of hope he dies?
	How about you send him a cameo?
	Or if you want some extra Kipperson, join Patreon.
	We got all kinds of great stuff.
	You get the pod the cast a week early.
	We do some live Zoom hangs.
	And I got a horror film I'm working on.
	It's really scary.
	Is anybody in here?
	You!
	Nora!
	I know it's bad, but I don't get it.
	It's like nihilistic.
	It's supposed to make you exhausted, I believe.
	So much of Tim and Eric, too, is like, we're going to do really shitty public access, cable access show, and we'll laugh at how bad they are at TV.
	It'll be like a crappy, homemade, low-budget commercial that sucks.
	Yeah, those suck.
	I remember, I think it was Andrea Martin from SC TV, or maybe it was Catherine O'Hara.
	After a while at SC TV, they go, we're getting kind of sick of making fun of terrible television.
	I want to make good television.
	So I, sorry.
	I don't get it.
	It's like drag queens.
	When you're with drag queens, you're like, are you you now?
	Or am I talking to you?
	Or are you a hot mess?
	Do you mind if I call you Tiptoenail?
	Tiptoe Nail.
	Some B-roller.
	Key and Peel is still the gold standard of humor.
	I guess I didn't watch the show that much, and now that I've checked it out on YouTube, it keeps showing me different Key and Peels.
	And the algorithm is working to my favorite Thank You algorithm.
	I'm very happy with it.
	I'd never seen this War of the Magical Negroes.
	And Ryan had never heard of a Magical Negro.
	Not that term.
	You know why?
	Because he watches Lilo and Stitch.
	No, I didn't.
	And Toy Story.
	So his movie repertoire is all children's movies.
	So he's not familiar with this trope.
	Can you believe that?
	I love all movies.
	Dark movies.
	Dark movies.
	Dark movies.
	Light ones.
	Please, this is the worst possible time.
	Please don't do this.
	Babe?
	Wow, you really gave up on that marriage pretty easy.
	Huh?
	Can I take your garbage?
	Yeah, sure.
	You know, I find the more garbage in the can, the better it feels to dump it all out.
	Perfect.
	I suppose that's why we let it.
	This is why, like, I was, I'll get to her in a second.
	I was listening to Comedian in the Car, and I was just reading it, listening to it, going, you tried.
	Like, that garbage in the can joke is such a perfect representation of what's in these movies with these magical Negroes.
	It's always like that.
	And you guys sat and you worked on that sketch.
	I can tell you worked on it for a long time and you just wanted to get it just right.
	And you did, but it keeps getting better.
	You're so fooled in the voice place.
	Voice place.
	So we can start over.
	Here to fix the copier?
	Yes, sure, sure.
	Hey, how did you...
	Sometimes things ain't really broken.
	It's the way we treat them that needs to be fixed.
	Like, surely you saw Denzo Washington in the movie with Jim Carrey where he's God and he's a janitor.
	Yeah, no, I was thinking.
	I was thinking about compiling all the magical news.
	I'm familiar with the trope.
	The one I was thinking of was like an hour.
	No, no, obviously, you know, Green Mile, but then there's the black guy in Bedazzled.
	He turns out to be God, believe it or not.
	And he just comes out from the bottom bunk smoking a cigarette.
	He's like, you know.
	And it always starts with some wisdoms.
	And then this is what white liberals want blacks to be.
	Magical little silly prophets who come, drop some wisdom, and then vanish and don't send their kids to your school.
	And they always have like a lowly lot in life.
	It's like, yeah.
	Yeah, they're out of sight, out of mind.
	Like, go ahead, clean my garbage, say something wise, and then fuck off.
	You're magical, but you're also a janitor.
	Yeah, it's basically the way they were seen in like the 40s and 50s.
	Like, get on stage, do a funny dance with some white gloves, then fuck off.
	Go back to your little fucking area where you have, you choose someone based on their toe.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	In the 40s, they'd have these toe parties, and there'd be a curtain, and these women would have their bare feet there, and you would pull on a toe.
	Wow.
	And that would be your date.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah.
	It's kind of fun.
	Yeah.
	Who the hell are you?
	What's going on with this?
	Are you connected to the internet?
	Yeah.
	Oh, you have to be.
	Guys, the important question is, who are you, Steve?
	Well, maybe it isn't Mr. Standle, Carl.
	Anyway, they have a duel.
	We're not going to sit here and watch the whole sketch, but they use employee more and more magic, battling each other.
	And just the way I told you, the reason I like Trump is because I like his fans.
	I like the people at Trump rallies.
	You can tell the key and peel are good by their comments on YouTube.
	All of the comments here are high-quality jokes.
	What do they say?
	Well, I saw one of them goes, Carl's right, he was their foist.
	Blow it up a bit.
	I can't really read it.
	They were kicked out of Hogwarts.
	Stanley's right, he was their foist.
	What's Stephen King novels?
	Go up to the top, though.
	One woman had a great, great quote.
	She goes, It's sad that, yeah, now the copier is broken and there's trash everywhere.
	Consequences.
	Optical flares for the wind.
	Oh, I love this one.
	How so many girls talk to each other in the dating pool.
	You need to find your own troubled white boy.
	What are those replies?
	You'll need to widen your search parameters.
	May I offer you a troubled exotic yellow boy from the Orient?
	I personally prefer a badass chick, but I'll check your recommendation.
	Literally, me.
	You'll find him on Fortran.
	Good luck.
	Anyway, keep going down to the other ones.
	I love this guy.
	Who is canonically stronger, Carl or Mr. Stanley?
	People usually cite the fact that during the final struggle, Carl needs the assistance of Chesterfield, that's his cartoon bird, to be equal with Mr. Stanley.
	But what people don't realize, in the manga, it's clearly stated that Carl is actually a Conjurer Nen user, while Stanley is in an emitter who specializes in the type of projectile-based battle we saw here.
	Carl's own emitter techniques, plus the power from Chesterfield, his own creation, was able to go toe-to-toe with a master emitter in his own comfort zone.
	That's scary.
	Next time they fight, I hope Carl uses his signature ability million talents to summon his army of Chesterfields.
	I think once he plays to his strengths, he'll win.
	That is a masterful comment.
	And, you know, we've been talking about comedy and how some people just have the magic sprinkles.
	And there's people who don't.
	Burt Kreischer is an awesome guy.
	I love his comedy.
	He's making bank.
	He's one of the most popular comedians in the country.
	And it's just a testament to working class America and how if you bust your ass, you don't necessarily have to be magically talented.
	Like Burton Cummings probably has 10 million bucks in the bank just from songs, right?
	That's not including live shows.
	That's because he's incredibly talented.
	But there's plenty of people out there who are working their ass off who paid their bills and just aren't really good.
	Like what's a really successful band that doesn't really have any good songs?
	Or Rich Voss.
	Rich Voss isn't that funny, but he's a hard worker and he busted his ass and he's got a career.
	But what's a band like that where they don't really have any hits, but they just keep chugging along?
	Song workhorses.
	Yeah.
	You know, I guess Guided by Voices are kind of like that.
	Cold play, they force hits.
	So what they'll do is they'll pick the hits.
	Creep.
	That's a hit.
	They got, you know, an all-yellow.
	Oh, no, I'm thinking of radiohead.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, the percentage of people who can write songs, I'm going to go with maybe 0.1%.
	And the percentage of comedians who have the magic sprinkles is similar.
	It's almost once a generation.
	But I keep discovering them and I see, because I have special sprinkle eyes, which I would appreciate if you made that my nickname from now on sprinkle eyes.
	Old sprinkle eyes.
	I have sprinkle eyes and I can look and scour the deep dark web and I can find people and I'm like, I smell sprinkles on this person.
	Not just hard work.
	Like this homo from the south, what's his name?
	Brian Jordan Alvarez.
	Brian Jordan Alvarez.
	I don't think he's a hard worker at all.
	I think he likes scoofing around with his sister.
	He probably works at Quickie Mart.
	And his shit is so fucking golden.
	Here, just go down a bit.
	Not that one.
	Not that one.
	Here, click on that one.
	Southern restaurant manager just got to work.
	That light is so bright, y'all.
	Did anybody make the tea yet?
	Malcolm, did you make the tea?
	I'm going to do paperwork in the office.
	Don't make me mad.
	Why did I take this job?
	My God, why did I take that's just to show you what his face looks like and what his range is.
	Not that one.
	Not that one.
	Look at this one he just did.
	This is the first one I ever saw of him.
	Quality.
	Hey guys, it's Eric.
	I wanted to tell everybody about some new options available at the salon today.
	We are doing a skin refresher.
	So if you are having something where your pores are showing, maybe you're kissing your boyfriend and you are showing your pores a lot, a lot of black head, we can do a deep cleanse and a deep strip that pull that,
	all the impurity out of your skin.
	And then we do a hot stone on top and give you a head massage as well.
	And then we put you in the tanning bed to kind of bake everything.
	And when you come out, you're gonna look like a new person, I swear.
	Come by the salon today.
	Darlise is doing lashes, she's doing cuts.
	I am doing the skin treatment.
	And if you don't believe me, I am a patient of the skin treatment as well.
	Oh, wait, you gotta see his British guy.
	Keep going.
	That is just a real guy somewhere.
	Wait, these are all different people.
	What are you doing?
	You left Brian Alvarez.
	I'm sorry.
	What's going on?
	What have you done?
	Let's go back.
	I'm getting annoyed.
	Okay, there we go.
	So go down, go down.
	Southern Pastor.
	That will probably be good.
	What's this one?
	No, that one's not good.
	That's someone else trying to be funny.
	Okay.
	This one's great.
	And don't get me wrong, I ain't really mad, but these are some things that frustrate me, okay?
	When they say they want ham for dinner, and you got a whole ham in the fridge already, and you say, y'all want that one?
	They say, no, we want a new one.
	When you are passed out asleep, you've been asleep for an hour, and your wife comes in after finishing some murder mystery show and wakes you up and tells you she's scared.
	When you keep...
	Okay, that's enough of that.
	Okay, so I'm just showing you his incredible range, but where do you see this British guy with the fucked up face?
	Have I shown you?
	Yeah, this one.
	I showed you that, right?
	Yeah.
	I don't know if this is based on a real guy, but I feel like I know him or know of him.
	He's no friend of mine for any reason.
	He reminds me of the withnail guy.
	No, not even close.
	Who laughs a lot?
	She reached back out to me.
	She absolutely was so excited when I texted her proposing a third date.
	She has an energy, a potency about her, a clarity.
	She speaks like a bell ringing.
	Like a bell that you might Ding when you're at the desk cover of her library.
	She is beauty incarnate.
	She is Chardilaine.
	Her eyebrows, her teeth, her sense of self.
	I mentioned the producery earlier.
	And beyond that, I know there may be some competition between different concepts of Chardilane, but I love...
	Don't you want to get stoned with him and die laughing?
	Dude, that is Richard E. Grant.
	No, it's not, you idiot.
	It's the farthest thing.
	This is...
	With the laughing?
	Yeah, the laughing is all you have.
	I like the intricacies of things.
	Withnell's not effeminate.
	That guy's effeminate.
	But he's a young little twat who's too naive to understand that he's nothing.
	And Withnail and Richard E. Grant are pompous, drunken, British bon vivants.
	So terrible, terrible analogy.
	Let's try to get the show back on track here after Ryan ruining everything, ruining all of our lives.
	She reached back out to me.
	Alice Wedderland.
	So check him out on your own.
	If you're on TikTok, I'm not.
	I got that through Instagram.
	Actually, my wife sent it to me.
	I'm listening to this chick in the car, Alice Wetterlund, and I think she has the sprinkles.
	Nazis.
	How do we feel?
	What do we think?
	Pro, con?
	I have a new boyfriend now.
	He's a musician, which I'm sorry, it's just I get really turned on by lending people money.
	Oh, you're a feminist.
	Does that mean you hate men?
	And I'm like, no, I'm a feminist.
	That just means men hate me.
	Her politics aren't great, but we've got to give up that.
	But she gets this great bit about her, My Mama is a Human.
	And she's like, I'm into country music.
	And a lot of these songs, they are trying so hard to be a regular guy that they sound like they're compensating for something like, I go to church on a Sunday, just like my mama told me.
	I'm just like you, working man, and I'm a human, and my mama's a human, just like you.
	She goes, they sound like an alien trying to blend in.
	I just bombed on my own show.
	No, I got it.
	I wasn't laughing.
	No, I'm not asking you.
	I felt unfunny.
	I'm not doing it justice.
	And it's hard to find.
	Her bits go back to what I was saying with Keyam Peele, with the magical Negro.
	Like, she really thought hard about this.
	And her little side things are fucking quality.
	But I discovered that she had beef with TJ Miller.
	See, it's so hard with politics infecting everything now.
	Because TJ Miller was in shit for having rough sex and wanting threesomes and stuff, which is like, if that's a crime, I'm going to jail.
	So you don't know anymore with the sexual harassment stuff.
	And you want to have TJ Miller's back.
	And usually the feminists are wrong.
	But he said something that put me, put him in my bad books forever.
	1-7, if you recall, when that emoji movie came out, he said it will fight Trump and make young people adopt progressive values.
	So once you start getting kids involved, you're dumped.
	So I hated him from that day forward.
	But I don't know what side to take on this.
	Because I just heard of Ellis Wetterlund now, like a few hours ago, and she seems to have the sprinkles.
	I can't remember if TJ has the sprinkles or not.
	I think I saw him do stand-up in real life, and it was fucking hilarious and spontaneous.
	He was doing a set, and they had these light bulbs.
	Maybe I didn't see it live.
	Maybe I saw it on my computer.
	But it was just, it was this set that had light bulbs hanging down, and he looks behind him, and he talks about the light bulbs and does the whole set about the light bulbs.
	It was pretty good.
	Pretty impressive.
	Pretty sprinkly.
	But go to 1.6.
	Somebody that kind of lives on the straight and narrow like this, does it affect you?
	I guess you wouldn't have anything to compare.
	Do my Sam Roberts.
	So somebody who's on the straight and narrow, as it were.
	And you start getting negative stories about you, because every six months we're good for a negative TJ Miller story that's like, what the fuck is going on?
	Can I ask you about this?
	Think about Sam.
	Instead of like Stone Cold Steve Austin, since he'll, he says that, he said that name a million times since he was a kid, so he goes, so I was in there with the Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin.
	It's one word.
	It's like signal line.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Stone Coast.
	It's one word.
	Stone Cold Steve Austin.
	So Stone Cold Steve Austin grabbed a chair from the top rope.
	Girl, before.
	Can I tell you to have a bunch of imitations ready with faces?
	You should have a Sam Roberts ready to go.
	You know what?
	On Snapchat, I don't know what the fuck this guy's using.
	I think it's Snap Camera.
	So I downloaded that.
	It's not Snapchat.
	Because Snapchat doesn't allow you to do that anymore.
	Let's start writing a list of who I demand you to do.
	This is Sam Roberts.
	Sam Roberts, John.
	Taffer.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	Bill Burr.
	These are all people I want on my show.
	Ah, dude, it's brutal.
	Like Gina Carano, you know?
	It's like a nice girl.
	What the fuck was that?
	Just the drop thing?
	Wire snag.
	The good old wire snag.
	See, I like this Jim Norton.
	Why do I have to like Chip Chipperson?
	But I mean, it's on the same line.
	Like, does it make you go like, you know, I'm trying to.
	Well, no, I've been talking about all this.
	Yeah, but I've been talking about the internet in general as like having turned the world into high school where gossip is immediately true.
	Like if you were in school and you found out somebody said, you know, so-and-so is a slut, then everybody started just being like, she's a slut.
	And no matter what she had done.
	I remember that.
	Cindy Wood at Earl of March High School, we heard that someone slipped her a Spanish fly and she got so horny, she started humping the gear shift of the car.
	And not one of us went, what?
	That doesn't make it.
	So there's a pill that makes women so horny they have to stuff something up their cunt?
	Wouldn't rapists buy that by the palate?
	This is bullshit.
	We all just went, oh, she was very, very horny.
	Those pills are very powerful.
	We just accept it as a fact.
	I contacted her maybe 10 years ago, so we would have been 40.
	I'm like, do you Remember that?
	And she goes, Yeah, yeah.
	I didn't put out for this guy, so he started that rumor for revenge.
	My brothers were going to kill him.
	I go, they should have.
	And I also said, I cannot fucking believe I believed that.
	She goes, that's high school.
	So he's right.
	And there's no court of law to be able to, for her to prove, like, anytime you get into the he said, she said stuff, you get into a very difficult gray area because there's no proof either way.
	But people love to bully.
	And mob mentality is very easy to get into.
	And yeah, I mean, I think as of late, we've been incredibly unfairly treated.
	And I may have welcomed some of it by sort of leaving Silicon Valley and leaning into the emoji movie because I just thought that would be a funny thing to do.
	But for some reason, people sort of translated that to arrogance or me being an asshole or stupid.
	Yeah, well, you said teach kids progressive values.
	And I think now, you know, you were about to bring up Alex Whether.
	Yeah, but to me, to me, it's like, you know, that's, and I don't know, she may have had that experience, but it's, it's, again, people trying to enter the headlines, get in the cycle, the media cycle, break the cycle for a second.
	All right.
	Boring boy.
	I hate this whole thing about, too, people care how actors behave.
	Like, is he nice?
	Yeah, I met Tom Cruise.
	I hear he's nice.
	Is he really nice?
	I don't care if he's a dick or not a dick.
	My dad said that a long time ago.
	He goes, I was always hard to work with.
	I'm a very pleasant person in the pub.
	We should call him now.
	But he goes, I'm not very easy to be around in a work environment.
	And I'm the exact same way.
	I'm a fucking nightmare to work with, as Ryan can attest.
	But when it comes to normal life, I'm a joy.
	At the pub, everyone loves me.
	Like, my wife complains that we're pariahs in our community, but I'm like, I could have this place packed to the hilt tonight.
	I know every single Trump supporter in the burbs.
	It's not a lot.
	It's maybe 5% of the population, but I know them all very well.
	We're all pals.
	We all totally hang.
	So I'm good at socializing, but I don't think work should be fun.
	You got to get the job done.
	Now, this is pretty fun.
	I'll give you that.
	But I have been doing this for a quarter century now.
	You got to be proud of your boys.
	We are, sir.
	Mom's going to answer.
	I'll have to dump her.
	I'll even kiss the men.
	Hello?
	Hi, Mom.
	How you doing?
	Great, baby.
	How are you?
	I'm good.
	I'm just recording my show here.
	I wanted to ask Dad a question.
	Okay, honey.
	Hold on.
	Well, he's...
	What time is it?
	He might be sober enough still.
	Yeah, he should be okay.
	Yeah, I think he's only had two beers.
	Here he is.
	He's staggering a little.
	Oh, that's old age.
	Here he is.
	Hello.
	Hi, honey.
	Hey, Dad.
	I want to ask you something.
	You said a long time ago that you're very pleasant to be around in a social situation, but you're a nightmare to work for.
	I think, you know, I've been a nightmare, maybe too, but I'm very tough.
	Can you speak up a bit?
	What are you demanding?
	Are you on speakerphone or something?
	No.
	Are you hearing him okay?
	Yeah.
	You're very demanding in the workforce because I'm similar.
	I think work shouldn't necessarily be fun.
	You've got to get the job done.
	It's almost like working out.
	Like, it shouldn't be pleasant.
	You're pushing yourself.
	And then when everything's said and done, you can go out to the pub with the same people you were yelling at and have a gay old time.
	Well, you know, that didn't happen with me because I work with a lot of software engineers, and most of them didn't drink.
	Curiously enough, the hardware engineers drank, but not the software engineers.
	Well, the hardware engineers, it's easier, so they have lower IQs, I would assume.
	No, dear.
	No, dear.
	I think what we're seeing now with the software engineers, if you look at the absolute shit that companies like Google and Facebook and what have you, you know, the software is crap.
	It's done by a bunch of coders.
	And hardware engineers, aren't they the guys just clipping in the motherboards?
	No, no, you're talking about hardware assembly, darling.
	Not about the engineers who designed it.
	Oh.
	If you look at the advances in computers, it's all been hardware advances.
	Okay, maybe I've been telling the story wrong my whole life.
	The story I got was you emigrated from England to Canada.
	They go bowling and you're with middle-class people.
	They don't bring booze.
	They just want to bowl and focus on the bowling.
	You go, this is bullshit.
	Oh, no, that's when I was in England, when I moved from Scotland to England.
	Oh.
	They were bowling in England?
	Yes.
	So, you know, normally in Glasgow on a Friday night, you know, the idea was to go and get hammered.
	Right.
	That was my experience.
	Then I come down to England and I'm invited to go bowling.
	I go to the bowling alley and there's no bar.
	What's the point?
	Exactly.
	That was the last time I went bowling.
	So then you ended up hanging out with the technicians because they were partiers.
	Well, I had no class associated with your position in the company.
	So, I mean, it's, you know, some guys were more pleasant than others, and some people were.
	Well, some engineers are very, very sort of status conscious.
	You know, so they won't mingle with technicians because they're engineers.
	I never bothered with that kind of crap.
	Well, I noticed I grew up in the slums.
	No, you didn't.
	No, we lived in a middle-class neighborhood, but you would ship me to Barhaven so you could party with, I won't say their names, and then I was in basically the trailer parks hanging out with in Barhaven.
	No, dear, there's no trailer parks in Barhaven.
	Well, I'm exaggerating, but those homes that whatever you call them.
	They're called row houses.
	Row houses.
	So we were making out with chicks that were five years older than us, and then we'd go back to the suburbs at night.
	Don't do that.
	I think you're getting a bit carried away.
	You know, the people I associated with were just most of them, the reason I associated with them is because they were workmates.
	Right, but they were more working class than the people that were in your particular division.
	No!
	Not at all.
	You're determined to have me, you know, mingling with, I don't know, as you see them, the lower class.
	No, it wasn't true.
	I would say that my really close friends were all engineers.
	In fact, to this day, I'm still very friendly with them, and you know who they are.
	Yeah, I'm having trouble getting you through here, Dad.
	The signal's not great.
	It has nothing to do with you disturbing my narrative and my version of my childhood.
	It's this phone signal.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	You're not coming through.
	That's unfortunate.
	We lost that call.
	That's sad.
	Do you ever get so horny you just want to jizz on a whole crowd?
	Hell yeah, dude.
	You just want to like.
	I mean, I mean, no.
	Like, you want to go to a baseball game and just be like, hey, maybe you become a giant.
	And you're...
	So you're a giant and that's the first thing you think of?
	The first thing I think we all think of, if we're honest, is we want to go up to like a baseball stadium, women, children, workers, mostly the audience, and we just want to jizz all over the.
	The people that are there.
	No.
	Maybe you get around to it, but there's so many other things you would do if it was a giant.
	No, I would just start beating off.
	Actually, I'd start beating off as I was normal size, and then I would be like, uh-oh, we're getting close.
	Danny's Tranny.
	That's a British comic I used to like as a kid.
	Danny's Tranny, activate.
	And now I'm this huge guy.
	And then I just jizz on couples mostly.
	You know, that would be a historic me tooing.
	You'd have like 90 victims in one fight.
	I think deep down we all want to cover random couples with huge buckets of jizz.
	And luckily, there is a 1.9.
	Someone has realized this market, and they've filled the void with this desire all men have, which is jizzing on strangers.
	Thanks, Milwaukee Bucks.
	Jizz on some black lady fixing her hair.
	How about some jizz, bitch?
	Oh, my God.
	Look, jizz on the Asians.
	Hey, Asians, are you dating or are you siblings?
	Don't care.
	I'm jizzing on you.
	Try to catch it with your hands.
	Rubbing on his hands there.
	Hey, mascot, how about some jizz?
	Wow.
	How did no one see this?
	Like, how did that pass?
	I think I need to be employed by every major corporation.
	You know how Al Sharpton will go there and he'll decide if you're racist or not?
	I'll go there as a disgusting pig and you can say like things like, yeah, you know, say you're a nightlight, right?
	A nightlight company.
	And you're like, we stick our nightlight where the sun don't shine.
	And I go, the sun don't shine.
	That's up your ass.
	So you're saying you stick a nightlight up someone's ass and it's for kids.
	So don't say that.
	Okay, thanks, pig.
	We're not disgusting, horny weirdos, so that didn't occur to us.
	But they could have showed me that and I would have said, that looks like you're jizzing on people.
	And what if you were the person and you just went, ah, yeah, somebody has to do it.
	If that's more, if that lasts longer than a day.
	They're coming and they are coming.
	Yeah, anything with coming, they'll call you.
	We haven't started the show yet.
	Cuomo keeps getting better and better every day.
	Thank you, God.
	I know you couldn't throw him in jail.
	I'm not asking for him to be arrested.
	I know he's Teflon.
	I know he's old school, fake wise guy, fake mafia.
	But here's the thing about Cuomo.
	He started this cancel culture, and he fucked with me.
	When Proud Boys got in that fight after my talk, he said, what about me, Gavin?
	I'm from Queens.
	You want to fight me?
	In the same tweet, he said, we disavow violence in any shape and form.
	In the same tweet, and then a sentence later, he goes, you want to fight me, proud boy?
	I'm from Queens.
	We don't play.
	Andrew Cuomo thinks he said, all you have to do is punch him in the nipple once, or maybe just give it a tug, and it collapses in pain.
	Then he started using it as a regular term to mean Nazi.
	So there was some, I don't know, alderman senator rep in Brooklyn who had been there for 100 years and he was debating.
	He was in a fight with Cuomo and Cuomo wanted to take him down because it was the last R seat in all of Brooklyn.
	He said, what about you?
	Are you a proud boy?
	He said, I can dig up these exact examples later.
	But the problem with Googling Cuomo now is you get all this shit.
	And then Max and John went to trial.
	And then the judge, Mark Dwyer, he knew that Cuomo was using this as a weapon.
	So he said, yes, I'll get involved.
	They are Nazis.
	This political fighting reminds me of 1943.
	Hey, Cuomo, you Listening?
	No, he goes, 1940s Europe.
	So he threw Max and John in prison for four years in order to impress Cuomo.
	Now that made me fucking mad.
	And I sat and prayed.
	I would think of him when I hit the speed bag.
	And I would hit it until it was a frequency, just imagining Cuomo's face.
	Every time I hit the heavy bags at the gym, when I imagine Cuomo, I have three times my normal strength.
	And I think I sent out waves into the cosmos.
	And the cosmos said, we can't throw him in jail, but we can ruin his reputation.
	And I said, okay, so you'll use the nursing homes, the fraud, where he lied about the numbers?
	Yeah, we'll definitely do that, but we need to get attention.
	Okay, call him racist.
	Yeah, we could.
	Well, is there anything else?
	Well, the next best thing after racism is any kind of sexual assault.
	Okay.
	And they got a ton of those.
	I think we're up to five now.
	And that gets the females going.
	And that's what you really need to power any kind of engine in this country.
	Whether it's getting a president elected or ruining a politician, you need to get women mad.
	They have time on their hands.
	They can get petty.
	So we dug up a bunch of bullshit.
	And now women are mad.
	And now he's fucked.
	And the beauty of this is it's his reputation that's fucked.
	And that's all he cares about.
	So thank you for that.
	So what are we up to here?
	One, two, three, four, five.
	I think it's six, but I'll take five.
	Number two Dem tells Kuo, go.
	So he won't go.
	He won't resign.
	He won't be punished.
	Don't get your hopes up with that.
	But all he cares about is his standing, and that's over.
	His fucking reputation is over.
	And I could not be fucking happier.
	Also, today's book.
	Dude, this is a fugging doozy.
	Safe Area Gorizade.
	It's Joe Sacco.
	I had begun reading this years ago, and I kind of forgot about it.
	I found it in my daughter's bookshelf, and I started rereading it again.
	You can't read it right before bed.
	It's about the Bosnian war.
	I think we had Serbs killing about 15,000 Croats, and maybe 5,000 Serbs died.
	But just absolute murder, death, neighbors killing neighbors, Muslims chopping off little kids' dicks at gravesites.
	The amount of abuse children got in this.
	At one point, they have a picture of a kid, a drawing of a kid with a two-year-old with his entrails hanging out.
	And he asks for a bedpan because he has to go to the bathroom.
	He died about an hour later.
	And they weren't, and the horror went both ways, too.
	Muslim families having their throats slit, like to the tune of hundreds, and then thrown off into the river.
	I forget what the name of the river is, the Dilson?
	It's the name of their cigarettes.
	What are they called?
	Fucking Dillson something.
	Dylan?
	It's got a great intro, too.
	Joe Sacco is a great journalist, and when you see him there doing this reporting where he's doing this cartoon reporting, it seems kind of like a waste of time.
	I mean, I'd rather have video.
	You can write it down.
	You do a documentary.
	But as far as longevity goes, I mean, people will be able to look back at this comic, kids alike, and see the absolute shocking sadism and horror.
	Like, I often talk about the sadism with white farmers from the blacks in South Africa.
	This is white-on-white crime.
	And the levels of sadism are comparable.
	I mean, burning people alive, massacring children in front of their mothers, and then raping them?
	Like, real bad stuff, guys.
	Real bad.
	And I don't think you can put it on Muslims alone.
	Both sides are pretty bad.
	Although, the Serbs, the Muslims were worse.
	Milosevic.
	Drina, that's the name of the river.
	Milosevic was charged at The Hague with war crimes for all the bodies.
	He was playing soccer with Croatian heads.
	They chop the head off and play soccer with it, which can't be a very good soccer ball.
	No, there's a lot of...
	You'd need like ski boots on to be able to withstand the bonk from the skull on your toe.
	Anyway, this book is a fucking intense story.
	I find it to be one of the most confusing wars ever because it was Serbs versus Croats, but it was also communists versus capitalists.
	It was also Yugoslavians versus Chetniks.
	And it was also, there were Serbs and Christians on both sides.
	So you had Croatian Muslims and Croatian Christians and Serbian Muslims and Serbian Christians.
	I still can't figure it out.
	I used to work with a guy.
	Oh, fuck.
	Oh, Jesus.
	Yeah.
	You know what, though?
	I mean, this is the only way some people would be able to stomach being able to, you know.
	Well, also, you're not going to get a picture of a two-year-old with his end shells hanging out.
	True.
	So it's actually one of the times where graphic novels are the perfect way to do it.
	You know, another time that that's really handy is Pyongyang.
	Guy Delil is a French cartoonist, Quebecois, my kind of French.
	And he went into North Korea.
	Now, you're not allowed to take pictures there, so you can't document it.
	But when you're a cartoonist, you can take pictures with your brain.
	And so he did an incredible graphic novel about North Korea, and it's the most in-depth look at the horrors of that place.
	He talks about he looks at his window.
	I always wanted to do a horror movie about North Korea.
	He looks at his window, and he sees in the darkness, he just sees someone emerge from the darkness under a streetlight, walking backwards, and then disappear again.
	That's creepy.
	And the explanation is for some reason, they're under the impression that it's better exercise to walk backwards.
	It uses more muscles.
	And the only time they get to work out is at night after work.
	And there's no streetlights because there's no electricity.
	So there's all these people walking backwards all over the city.
	And occasionally they'll come under the one streetlight.
	That's creepy as hell.
	Pretty good context for a horror movie.
	Wow.
	That is the most backwards dystopian thing I've ever heard.
	That is creepy.
	Oh, we're supposed to talk about this Megan Markle interview.
	My wife was so excited.
	Countdown, five more hours.
	And I went and watched Some of it, and I was just like, why do we give a shit about these millionaires talking to a billionaire about their plight and how horrible it is?
	And then, like, Princess Di left her son $10 million.
	That's that's a pretty good chunk.
	You can, the interest on that is going to be like, I don't know, $100,000 a year.
	You live in a giant mansion.
	I think you're going to be fine.
	And then Megan Marco goes on this big tyrant about how racist everyone is.
	And it's like, lady, you look so white that you have to tell people you're black.
	And I bet some people don't believe you.
	Like, does that person look black to you?
	I mean, her nose is maybe 4% bigger than your average white nose.
	And 3% smaller than mine.
	No, that's a white lady.
	Yeah, that's smaller than your disgusting snout.
	Yes.
	But go back, is that Daily Mail?
	Stony Face, Kate and Camilla, break cover day after the Sussexes trash their husbands to Oprah for not being protective and understanding enough to suicidal race victim.
	Yeah, she said they took her passport away and they kept her locked up in a room.
	And then so you look at the husband and you're like, why didn't you kick the door down, faggot?
	And he goes, I was suffering mental health issues too and didn't know how to react.
	You lock my wife up in a room and take away her passport?
	I'm getting her out of the room and I'm getting the passport back.
	Grow a fucking ball, you pussy.
	But they're rich attention whores doing their 50th interview, complaining about how they're broke and they won't be left alone.
	I think she got like 7 million for this interview.
	Totally unself-aware.
	So yeah, who fucking cares?
	And then they're like, they said, what shade will the baby be?
	We don't know the context of that.
	And they said, oh, Charles wouldn't take our calls when we said we're leaving the royal family.
	I don't know.
	Like, you're the queen of England.
	I think you're kind of allowed to be a dick.
	I think you can be a real stickler.
	Like, she goes, I had to take a class in curtsying.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's one of the oldest things in the world.
	It's a big deal.
	So grin and bear it, you stupid bitch.
	Not that I give a shit either way.
	I don't care what you do.
	I just had to cover this because it's everyone's talking about it.
	And my wife comes upstairs after and she goes, there were some bombs dropped.
	Like, okay, what do you got?
	Well, Charles wouldn't return his own son's calls.
	All right.
	My dad's been mad at me.
	He might be mad at me now for overblowing our working classness in my childhood.
	Look, I know that in Barhaven, it was a shitty neighborhood, and we'd hang out with girls who raped us.
	We used to buy them cigarettes, and they would give us a kiss for a cigarette.
	And then once at a sleepover, our babysitter, who was 16, we were maybe 12, she sat on my arms and made out with me.
	She held my, sorry, she sat on my belly, held my arms down, and smooched me.
	That rules.
	That's not a fancy neighborhood.
	I would kill to see them, what they looked like now or back then, because I remember them just being goddesses.
	I didn't mind the rape, by the way.
	But their feathered hair and their skin-tight jeans and those Nikes with the tongues hanging up and out.
	Oh, God, their lumberjack jackets.
	I hated going back to the burbs.
	All right.
	Shall we do some racism?
	Of course.
	Let's do it, yo.
	Let's talk about racism.
	That was racist, guys.
	Wait, I don't want to do racism.
	Okay, we'll do some.
	We're here.
	Asian on black crime, still going strong.
	The NYPD wants you to know.
	Wait, you don't have to make a note.
	We're going to do it.
	3-4.
	This is still going strong, and it's all Trump's fault.
	I'll explain why at our green screen segment when we do Proud Boys.
	This is who is beating up Chinese people.
	He's doing it because he can.
	The end.
	Go to 3-5.
	You keep seeing these perps, and it keeps not fitting the narrative.
	They would love it to be Proud Boys.
	Oh, my God.
	74-year-old Phoenix man fatally punched for being Asian.
	Let's check him out.
	This is the case every time.
	No, it's not Trump's fault.
	And Shirlene McRae's worried that the more we call the cops, the more we have mugshots like this.
	So, in order to alter the truth, her takeaway is, 3.6, just handle it yourself.
	She's even got a fun acronym.
	What does she say?
	Suggests witnesses intervene in hate crimes.
	Vigilantes.
	Okay.
	And she's got this whole thing, like D is for, go down?
	The five D's.
	The five D's.
	D is for distract, delegate, document, delay, and direct.
	And then she goes on to explain each one.
	Sounds like a good plan, right?
	Isn't that what Prowboys started to do is their own security to deal with all this fucking left-wing crime?
	And then we have 37.
	Here's an example of someone following Shirleen's advice and saying, yeah, great point.
	I'm going to start fighting black thugs.
	And how did it work out for him?
	Scroll down.
	Click on that article.
	So he sees an Asian person being attacked.
	He says, because there's no police, he says, I'm going to handle this myself.
	And they stab him to death.
	He's dead now.
	I'm Yel Brenner and I'm dead now.
	What's 3.9?
	Oh yeah, this is interesting.
	So this woman says, this black guy notices this woman's scared of her.
	This is in Britain now.
	This Asian woman.
	It's becoming a Western problem, not just Oakland, California.
	We're seeing it all over Britain and all over America.
	And so this guy notices an Asian woman scared of him.
	Go down?
	So he chases her.
	Dumb bitch.
	Keep going.
	Oh, it's been removed.
	I should have recorded it.
	Oh, let's see if that works.
	These Asian stones are fucking racist, fam.
	She extend her journey by three minutes to avoid me.
	Fucking bitch.
	How dare she not want to get raped?
	How dare she notice a pattern?
	Now I looked this up, and it's a very contentious quote, but you can't really find rape and race stats unless you go pretty far right.
	That doesn't mean they're not true.
	But I saw this, and again, it's Amran, so it's considered this information comes from Satan's bowels himself, but they are using real reports.
	And in the 111,590 cases in which the victim of rape or sexual assault was white, 44% of the offenders were white, and 33% of the offenders were black.
	So almost the same, even though blacks are only 14% of the population, and black males are half that.
	In the 36,000 cases in which the victim of rape or sexual assault was black, 100% of the offenders were black, and 0% of the offenders were white.
	You don't often hear those kind of stats in crime.
	Zero and 100.
	It's usually 99.9, 0.1.
	That's 100% of the offenders in female rape, black rape, were black, and zero of them were white.
	In the United States in 2005, 37,460 white females were sexually assaulted or raped by a black man, while between zero and 10 black females were sexually assaulted or raped by a white man.
	So a little more than the previous case, which was zero.
	We're now up to zero to 10.
	So is this Asian woman allowed to be nervous when she walks home?
	This is a common theme I've noticed with like black comedians and stuff.
	They get mad when someone notices a pattern.
	Uh, sorry?
	Okay, now we can do proud boys.
	Proud boys don't start fights.
	They finish.
	I'll make you proud of your boys.
	Proud boys, stand back and stand by.
	Okay, so this is a kaboom.
	You ready?
	This happened over the weekend.
	Smoking gun.
	Proud boys are fucked.
	We have the evidence.
	Alan Froyer at the New York Times nailed it once again.
	I feel like I have his number.
	I feel like texting him and going, your shitty scoop went viral, which I guess is all you were really going for, right?
	Not the truth.
	So Amy Siskind, our favorite Amy, one of the worst parts about being banned from Twitter is I cannot respond to this cunt.
	But she goes, kaboom.
	Ready for this?
	This is it.
	A member of the far-right nationalist Proud Boys was in communication with a person associated with the White House in the days just before the January 6th assault.
	So?
	Associated with the White House.
	How many people are associated with the White House?
	Are we technically associated with the White House?
	I don't know.
	Because we cover politics?
	There must be 10,000 people, advisors, lobbyists, whatever, connected to the White House.
	The fuck does that even mean?
	And so in this terrible article that was penned by three people, including Alan, who's like their Proud Boys guy, who laughed in my face when I said I wasn't there, and he showed me proof of me being there, which was some other dude.
	They say that it was all a big plan.
	And if you scroll down, you see more people talking about it.
	Oh, check out this chick.
	The Stop the Steel Rally.
	So I'm sure by now you guys have heard about the Stop the Steel rally in Washington, D.C. Trump supporters marching to Stop the Steel with the IRW.
	It's just incredible there.
	And I'm sure you've also heard of it.
	Look, this is women in politics.
	You are so dumb.
	I'm so smart.
	The fact that you have fallen for any of the bullshit out there when I know everything shows what an absolute loser you are.
	Listen to how dumb I am from this child.
	About the Proud Boy leader that was invited to join Trump at the White House.
	But the White House didn't want people to know that they invited him.
	So they did what they do best.
	They lied.
	Saying that the Proud Boy leader was on a public White House Christmas tour.
	He did not have a meeting with the president, nor did the White House invite him.
	But that story doesn't line up with what the Proud Boy leader is posting on Parlor, who said it was a last-minute invite to the White House.
	Come on.
	Lady, has it ever occurred to you?
	That's a guy, by the way.
	The possibility...
	Wait, that's a guy?
	Yeah.
	No, it's not.
	I'm almost certain.
	No, that's a chick.
	Okay.
	Has it ever occurred to you, lady, that the guy who posted that in Parlor was kidding?
	That he had a picture of him at the White House, so he said Trump invited him there?
	The White House caught him trolling people, as he is wont to do, and they said, no, no, it was just a normal visit that was scheduled.
	It was a Latinos for Trump thing, and he went along with them.
	Yeah.
	So now it's a fact.
	So this is my new obsession here.
	And I've done this before.
	Play it through.
	Let's hear your version, Amy, and androgynous college girl.
	This is their contention.
	You ready for this?
	So when Trump said stand black and stand by, he wasn't trying to say stand down, even though he said that a million other times.
	Are you trying to prove to me it's a guy?
	Yeah.
	And are you realizing you're wrong yet?
	Detective shitty?
	I think your time would be better spent pulling up the detective shitty thing.
	I could do that.
	Let's focus on what matters.
	Never seems to amaze me.
	So he didn't mean stand down, according to this story.
	He said stand by.
	Now, again, Proud Boys were joking after he said they're going, we're ready to rock.
	And there was shirts, stand by.
	They're incapable of humor, or they're incapable of understanding that we could be kidding, or Proud Boys could be kidding.
	So that's a fact.
	Stand back, waiting in the lurches.
	Okay?
	The FBI is in on this absurd theory, by the way.
	This isn't just a few nuts like Amy Siskin and that college girl.
	Okay, so that's the plan.
	Now, the day of inauguration comes along, January 6th.
	So Trump called in Enrique to his office and he said, I need you guys to storm the Capitol on January 6th.
	And Enrique said, okay, but I'm an FBI informant.
	Okay, well, we'll have you arrested the night before, but get the rest of them to go do it.
	Yeah, what about the FBI informant part of their plan?
	Like, if Enrique met with the president, that means that he's part of storming the Capitol.
	But then they also say he's an FBI informant.
	Does Trump know that he's talking to an FBI informant?
	Like their Enrique narrative contradicts itself.
	But anyway, let's just let it contradict itself because that's never stopped the left before.
	So I know you're an FBI informant, but I need you to get your guys to storm the Capitol.
	No problem.
	And then on the phone, other guys go, okay, we heard from Enrique.
	It's time to storm the Capitol.
	Should we do it?
	Like, when should we do it?
	Well, dumbass.
	You do it when Biden is being sworn in, when they're saying he's the president, whatever you call that.
	Inauguration?
	Is that what it's called?
	That moment?
	Yeah, okay, we'll do it.
	And that achieves what exactly?
	Now Biden isn't president?
	Like, their version of, and they want to call it domestic terrorism because they're saying they thwarted the nomination of the president.
	So that's why it's really important for the charges to be 20 years because they got to say they were stopping the government from doing their job.
	Because remember the, whatever he was, the attorney general with the DA, whatever he was, he said, if you do it at night, it's okay, because that doesn't stop government process.
	If you do it in the day, it is bad, because the politicians can't do their job.
	Then it's terrorism.
	Okay.
	So they were trying to stop Joe Biden.
	Is Joe Biden president the next day?
	Is it delayed 24 hours?
	Or do they occupy the Capitol for four years so Trump just remains president?
	And if it is just a day, and we, who the fuck, even with your crazy theory, who the fuck thinks that the SWAT team, whatever, the military won't come in and drag them out on their ass and everyone will be back to work in an hour?
	And they go, well, what they were going to do is kill Nancy Pelosi, kill everyone, and then they had a noose outside to hang Mike Pence.
	Okay.
	So when you guys say shoot President Trump, kill Trump, you've got a front page of a magazine has his head, Snoop Dogg's shooting him in the head, kill Trump, you're blowing him up, you're killing him, you're slicing his throat.
	There's one million examples of kill Trump.
	Those are all metaphorical.
	Your guillotines everywhere.
	That's all metaphorical.
	But when we have a noose for politicians, it's literally there to do the job.
	It's there to kill Mike Pence.
	And now we're at the point where I go, so do you believe this?
	Like, what is the point?
	This is my take.
	They went to the rally.
	They were fucking mad.
	They felt like the media had stabbed them in the back.
	They felt like the election was stolen.
	They lost their temper and they did a stupid, frivolous act where they broke a bunch of windows.
	They went into the Capitol.
	When you see the footage of the guys in there, sitting at Pelosi's desk, wandering in with the buffalo horns, these people clearly don't have a plan.
	It was not there.
	This is not a master plan.
	And your kaboom that someone from Proud Boys talked to someone associated with the White House?
	Pathetic.
	Pathetic.
	So again, just to summarize this, even if we take your lunatic argument at face value, 100% your argument, what is the point?
	What is the point of delaying this procedure by a couple hours?
	What does that achieve?
	Why would that be anyone's plan?
	And why would Trump go, hey, proud boys, I want you to go and delay the inauguration by a couple of hours?
	It's like an incantation where if you don't finish it, you can't switch over presidents.
	Yeah.
	You have to finish the incantation.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Well, your joke is their logic.
	Oh, well, we missed our window.
	Biden isn't president anymore.
	We was delayed two hours.
	And you missed the deadline.
	So now Trump is president for four years.
	How many people could possibly be convinced that's the case?
	Snow day equals schools canceled.
	You know.
	Here's a...
	Last minute tour.
	You must request one at least 21 days prior to the desired tour.
	Yeah, lady, the 21 days is proof that Enrique was not called in there at the 11th hour, that he was always going there and it was planned 21 days in advance.
	You absolute buffoon.
	Stand black and stand by.
	What's she saying with her smirk?
	He's still White House.
	But I mean, he did tell the Proud Boys.
	Stand back and stand by.
	So are we surprised he's trying to incite violence?
	And are we surprised he's still lying?
	But none of this changes the fact that he's still a loser and he'll always be one.
	So I'm sure about that.
	Yeah, he's a real loser.
	Yeah.
	Fucking loser.
	What has he ever done?
	How many TikTok followers does he have?
	Name one thing you've ever done, Trump.
	Who is going to clean your toilets, Donald Trump?
	Maxine Waters was mentioning them in a silly speech.
	In the sense that...
	Good old Maxine.
	And white supremacist and domestic terrorists.
	She doesn't know the word white supremacist.
	White supremist.
	This is what alt-right people say is a joke.
	White supremacist.
	And white supremacist and domestic terrorists.
	And so we've got to resist this.
	We've got to say to mad cops in the world.
	We're going to fight you or proud boys in the kitchen.
	We're going to fight you.
	We're going to resist you.
	I yield back to proud.
	Did you say black cops in blue?
	Gentlewoman's time.
	I think.
	Yeah, I think you're right.
	We've got to say to mad cops in gentlewoman's time exactly.
	We're going to fight you or proud boys in the extreme.
	We're going to fight you.
	We're going to resist you.
	In Yellow Gears.
	Yellow Gears, Michigan?
	Where?
	where's the fight happening?
	There's no fight, it's like there's a fight happening.
	It's like, no, it's not.
	This has nothing to do with proud boys.
	This has nothing to do with meetings.
	This has everything to do with people feeling bad about black crime, about Muslim terrorism, about non-white failure, and they have white guilt.
	So they finally found a group they can heap all their problems on.
	And Lily Singh, one of my favorite late-night philosophers, conceded this on her show.
	And I'd like to take you there now, if I may.
	You make me seek.
	I don't know.
	Lily pronounced Sikhs sick.
	I pronounce it Sikh.
	And that's my right.
	Sikhs are a wonderful religion that totally assimilates into America.
	They do well at the Ottawa airport.
	They do all the security.
	Their religion seems pretty cool to me.
	It's like justice.
	Oh, fuck.
	If somebody's getting raped, buddy, you get in there.
	They carry a dagger around to protect random strangers from bad guys.
	I think we need them.
	They're considered Asian in Britain.
	So, hey, Asians, go down to Oakland and go start protecting your fellow Asians from black perps who are beating the shit out of Orientals down there.
	Now, there's sort of different sects of Sikh.
	There's the, what do we call them in Niagara Falls?
	Varmit Jenda?
	Vali Janta.
	There's the real deal Sikhs who don't like Muslims because Muslims killed a million Sikhs.
	They're normal.
	Then there's the radical separatist nut bar terrorists like Jarmeed Singh, who has embraced.
	Canada loves their terrorists.
	They gave Omar Kader $10 million for the inconvenience of being at Guantanamo Bay, even though he murdered and blinded our troops.
	But we're sorry, you're in Guantanamo.
	Here's $10 million.
	And we also love Jarmeet Singh.
	He's the head of the NDP, which is like the Green Party.
	It's like the equivalent of Bernie Sanders.
	He's the Bernie Sanders of Canada.
	He's got plenty of power.
	And he's responsible for making the Proud Boys a domestic terrorism group in Canada because members of the club were caught storming the Capitol.
	Ergo, that entire group is a terrorist group anywhere in the world, including Canada.
	Pretty good logic, huh?
	Now, the real reason Jarmeet did this is because he looks at the terrorist list, and unfortunately, it tends to be very brown.
	But it's all Muslims, not Sikhs.
	There's very little lists of Sikh terrorism, although they did take down a plane.
	There was a flight in India that they took down.
	So they have done some terrorism, but it's mostly a Muslim thing.
	And Muslim terrorists attack Sikhs, dude.
	Anyway, this guy Jarmeet is such a nutbar Sikh terrorist that he's not allowed in India.
	He's banned.
	He wants his own Sikh country, his own Sikh state.
	Now, they've dominated the Punjab.
	They're known as the Punjabi Hillbillies, but that's not good enough for him.
	He wants them to separate.
	They have a Quebec now.
	And it's ironic that he's Canadian, but he's not satisfied with that.
	He wants, in this analogy, Quebec wants to be totally separate.
	He wants, I assume, the Punjab to be totally separate.
	Anyway, he was successful with this ridiculous thing.
	The KKK, domestic terrorists, they fit the definition perfectly, but no, they're not on the list.
	But Proud Boys are on the list in Canada.
	It used to just be a silly suggestion in Parliament, but the law enforcement has gone along with it.
	And they love this myth that white nationalism is the number one terrorist threat in the Western world, in the world.
	It's a fucking lie.
	And the reason it does well is because black failure, white guilt, brown failure with terrorism, white guilt.
	So they obfuscate it.
	And they want this list to go brown person, brown person, throw some white guys in there.
	Yeah, what if they're not terrorists?
	I don't care.
	I just want the list of terrorism to be diverse.
	Yeah, but what about reality?
	Doesn't matter.
	We're not interested in reality.
	So the second I saw this, this classification, I thought, this is Jarmeet annoyed that the terrorism list is so brown and he wants to add whites at any cost.
	And then Lily Singh, you remember Lily Singh?
	Total raging incompetent.
	She used to do this YouTube show where she'd be like, oh, hello.
	I am my mother.
	I'm wearing a wig.
	I am a Sikh mommy.
	Oh, I am a Sikh daddy.
	I have a mustache on.
	Like, what's easier than doing your parents?
	And that was huge with 11-year-olds.
	Massive with little kids.
	And these retarded executives at the network, they go, well, she's got like 10 million followers.
	That's a great night for TV.
	That's like the Super Bowl.
	That's election night.
	Look at this.
	This is her comedy.
	Turn it up.
	What you gonna do?
	Put a dirty clothes and washer and then instead of soap, you're going to put a bloody broom.
	Okay?
	Okay, clean my clothes.
	Thank you.
	You know what?
	I am very lucky, guy.
	Look at me, everyone.
	I'm lucky, guy.
	I never have to waste money on a Netflix, okay?
	Because my entire life with drama.
	That's like featuring Manjeet Singh and my wife.
	So great for little kids, especially Indian kids, Sikh kids, immigrant kids.
	They loved her.
	But the networks decided, well, that will easily translate to TV, especially late night.
	Because we know how 11-year-olds love watching TV, especially after they're in bed.
	So her show flops.
	But because of political correctness, they're keeping it on.
	And I'm happy about it because she's so stupid that she inadvertently spills the beans.
	And the beans in this case are what I just did in this introduction.
	We made Proud Boys a terrorist group solely because they tend to be white and we want more white people on the list.
	Not because of what they did.
	Let's watch her spill the fucking beans.
	And by the way, remember her show when she finally came on?
	She's like, yeah, I know.
	I'm bi, which doesn't mean anything.
	And I'm brown and I'm a woman.
	What's she doing on late night, right?
	No, you're perfect for late night.
	You have the exact same political beliefs as everyone else on late night and you're equally as talented.
	82% love her for being brown, bi, and a woman, 16% have eyeballs and are honest with themselves.
	What a fucking joke that is.
	Thank you, Ryan.
	That would be 18% if we were talking about the rest of 100.
	100 minus 82 is 18.
	Have a drink!
	God bless her.
	I would take a late-night show too if some moron thought it would translate to money.
	How's it going?
	You know, I love this show so much, and one of the reasons I love it is I get to talk about important things and have conversations that I believe matter.
	And today is no exception.
	Something I've been thinking about a lot recently is the power of words and language.
	Because if you think...
	This is massive, and I remember this from the 90s when political correctness first reared its ugly head.
	I mean, it goes back, I think you can cite early examples as early as the 80s, but as far as reality goes and you hearing about it in real life, it started in like not 1990, but the early 90s, and it was esoteric.
	It was way out there, and it was obviously the same as it is today.
	It was about control and power.
	And a great way to control people is censorship.
	So how do you argue for censorship?
	Well, you say the opposite of sticks and stones will break my bones.
	You say words can hurt.
	Words are dangerous.
	Now that I've made words dangerous, now that words are nuclear weapons, I can justify controlling them.
	So this dumb mantra is a transparent trope that's been around for decades.
	And what it really means is, I want to control your words because they could go and hurt somebody, which is not true.
	Think about it.
	Some words and how we use them and how we understand them can change our entire view of the world.
	And for as long as I can remember, the word terrorist has been an insult towards Muslim people.
	In everything.
	You know why?
	Because a disproportionate.
	Can we just stop all schooling and try to teach people the word disproportionate?
	A disproportionate number of black men will steal your purse.
	That's why on the elevator, women guard their purses more around black men than they do around Chinese guys.
	It's just a pattern that people have noticed.
	You're allowed to notice patterns.
	That's not a crime.
	Here's a little stat for you.
	In America, one in four Muslim men between the ages of 18 and 25 believe suicide bombing is sometimes or often justified.
	Tell that to people next time they say, why does everyone think Muslims are terrorists?
	Because a lot of them are.
	And even among moderates, they tend to tolerate extremists in a way that you and I couldn't conceive of.
	When we have terrorists, which is very rare, despite what these fucking pundits on MSNBC say, when we have a terrorist like Timmy Thief McVeigh, we're fucking mortified.
	They go, well, you got to break an egg to make an omelet.
	So I think one of the biggest problems with the Muslim community is the tolerance you get from the moderates when it comes to radicals.
	I mean, look at the Boston bombers.
	Yeah.
	The Boston bombers grew up normal.
	They were radicalized in America, surrounded by their Muslim brethren.
	We support radical terrorists, and moderate Muslims almost applaud it.
	You won't hear any moderate Muslims decrying jihadist terror.
	It's pretty rare.
	Movies, TV shows, from South Park to Roseanne.
	There's always a trope about, oh, there's new Muslim neighbors.
	Are they a terrorist?
	Oh, it's just a local town terrorist.
	Wave at Khalid, everyone.
	And I'm just sitting here watching this like, not only is it not funny, it's lazy.
	Y'all lazy.
	Yeah.
	Easy.
	And I personally really empathize with my Muslim pals because I grew up sick.
	Women are funny.
	Women are not funny.
	That's lazy and true.
	What's happening?
	Stop loading?
	Sick as in the religion, not as in sick, although sick or sick.
	After 9-11 happened, we had to become full-time racism deflectors because people would think we were terrorists just because we were brown.
	And it was awkward and unfortunate.
	I'm really sorry about that.
	You come from the Punjab, which is literally touching Pakistan.
	You look like terrorists, although you have those big, crazy beards.
	They're bigger than terrorists.
	It's similar to that.
	Get mad at the Muslim terrorists.
	If Scotsmen or even people with big mustaches were blowing up shit, I wouldn't go, just because I love a Muslim, I'd go like, what's with these big mustache assholes blowing shit up?
	They're making me look bad.
	Now I have to shave my mustache, which I refuse to do.
	Why do you get to bitch at me for noticing a pattern and you don't get to bitch at the Muslims who blew up the World Trade Center, the ones who created that pattern?
	Why am I the bad guy?
	I didn't blow up the World Trade Center.
	And because we didn't want to defend ourselves by saying...
	Uh-oh.
	We're having.
	Oh, you're incorrect.
	Sorry.
	I know you are calling me Muslim, but I'm not Muslim.
	I'm sick.
	Because then it just justifies that if I was Muslim, they could call me a terrorist.
	It was all just, I hate it.
	If you were Muslim, you'd be more likely to be a terrorist than if you were a Sikh.
	And you'd be even less likely to be a terrorist if you were white.
	And you'd be even less likely to be a terrorist if you were Chinese.
	You see how it works?
	It's patterns.
	So this dumb bitch who has her own show is mad that someone's noticed a pattern.
	And you'll notice that pattern is the pattern of political correctness.
	It's a war on noticing patterns.
	It's so much.
	Because we're not trying to throw another religious group under the bus.
	You know why?
	That sounds a lot like terrorism and we're not about that.
	And this is just one example.
	So wait a minute.
	Now noticing Muslims have a predilection for terrorism and disproportionately employed as a tactic, a political tactic, now that's terrorism.
	Did you know that?
	If you've noticed that Muslims tend to embrace terrorism disproportionately, then you are a terrorist.
	Like, she's saying words matter, and then she's using this weird political rhetoric to change the meaning of words.
	She's a word magician.
	Words can impact the lives of an entire community.
	You just called me a terrorist.
	Words every day.
	Subconsciously, we're tuning in, listening to the news, hearing the words like little chia pets, subconsciously watering.
	By the way, by the way, so we're almost halfway through this.
	Welcome, Proud Boys to Terrorists.
	How about you list in your video like 20 examples of Proud Boys using terror, using violence, using bombs, using fisticuffs, attacking voters?
	Why don't you give us a list of 20, 10 or 20, a dozen, whatever works, examples of why Proud Boys should be designated terrorists and why they finally are and why that's great.
	And then maybe while you're at it, you could tell us about a brown group on the list that doesn't deserve to be on that list.
	Terrorists.
	And what happened over time?
	Every tragedy that involved a person of color was labeled terrorism.
	And every tragedy that was not a person of color was considered a mental health issue.
	But don't just listen to me.
	Let me show you some real examples.
	San Bernardino shooting, considered a...
	San Bernardino shooting was not terrorism.
	Is that what she's saying?
	Look at these people's philosophy.
	Look at their writings.
	Look at their belief systems.
	They hated the West.
	They praised Allah.
	They were, by their own admission, jihadists.
	That's why we didn't just say it was a random mental health incident.
	Because they admitted it.
	They intended it to be terrorism.
	You know, Lily, you should probably talk to the terrorists before you deny them their victory.
	I think the San Bernardinos are up there with their 72 virgins.
	I don't know what the woman gets.
	Going, hey, I busted my ass on that terror attack.
	Don't take it away from me.
	A terrorist attack.
	Charleston church shooting.
	Oh, no, this is just a...
	So Dylan Roof, that was domestic terrorism.
	Now, I've gone back and forth on this because I want to be generous and I've let some people have it because he did say a racist thing once or twice.
	But what's his canon?
	What's his legacy?
	What's his writing?
	I always use Michelle Malkin as an example for this.
	Look up Michelle Malkin's writing in college in 1990 and follow it from then till today.
	If Michelle Malkin blows up the government, you would definitely have an example of domestic terrorism because you could look at what she had to say for 30 years and she's always been anti-government.
	She's always been anti-corruption.
	She's always been anti-deep state.
	If she were to get violent about that, it would definitely be an example of domestic terrorism.
	Dylan Roof is clearly a fucking nut.
	He doesn't have, outside of the manifesto he farted out that day, he doesn't have a history of showing his belief system.
	So I'm sorry, but all past lead to lunatic high on amphetamine sulfate, aka Adderall.
	It's a troubled kid.
	Bomb goes off in a subway.
	No doubt terrorist attacks.
	I'm not familiar with this particular one.
	There were so many jihadist attacks in New York.
	One loses track.
	Is this the one where there was one also in New Jersey on the same day?
	That again was a self-professed jihadist.
	Let's see the next one.
	Terrorist attack.
	Bomb goes off in Nashville and almost takes out an entire block.
	Okay, I remember that.
	I think that was a terrorist attack.
	She has made a point.
	At 2.11, I believe the Nashville bomber was targeting some sort of government institution.
	He was targeting the post office, right?
	Because he was against the government.
	That sounds like textbook terrorism.
	It sounds, I bet if you looked him up, he would have examples of his hatred for the government, unlike Dylan Roof.
	So I will give you that one.
	There is an example.
	Now, we can go through terror attacks in America, and you're going to find out Muslims who are 1% of the population are responsible for about 50% of the terror attacks, at the very least.
	And you can do this by sitting on your ass and thinking about San Bernardino, about 9-11, about the Pulse shooting.
	The list goes on and on and on and on.
	These kind of nuts who hate the government and drive like their one-prop plane into an IRS building are few and far between.
	It's called patterns.
	Run the numbers.
	This random list is not running the numbers.
	But you did get one.
	I'll give you that.
	You got one.
	So a brown guy goes crazy and kills eight people in New York, definitely a terrorist.
	Probably ISIS.
	And later that month, a guy lost.
	It's not playing here.
	Oopsie poopsy.
	Not sure if a terrorist would do this.
	So a brown guy goes crazy and kills eight people in New York, definitely a terrorist.
	Probably ISIS.
	Stop.
	This guy was a devout Muslim, again, who did this for jihad.
	The guy came here to destroy lives.
	He came here to destroy the West.
	He is, I don't think he was in ISIS per se, but the guy was a proudly, a proud jihadist.
	All of these cases she's giving are proud jihadists who want you to know that's why they were attacking people.
	But she just decides, well, they're brown, so they're innocent.
	She's actually doing what she's saying we do.
	She's seeing this guy and assuming he's Dylan Roof.
	This is not Dylan Roof.
	This is a guy following the Quran to a T. This is a jihadist terrorist, you dumb bitch.
	What does he say?
	Tells Judge he only answers to Allah.
	What the fuck did I just tell you?
	And later that month, a guy in Las Vegas guns down 500 people, killing 60 of them, which goes down in history as the largest mass.
	Agreed.
	And keep going.
	Shooting in American history, but we can't be so quick to call it terrorism.
	Hold up.
	Now, I already know.
	Lily, Lily, Lily.
	I almost agree with you.
	What the fuck was going on in Las Vegas?
	We have no idea.
	Now, we know his wife, his girlfriend, was a devout Muslim.
	We know she disappeared to Indonesia.
	Laura Loomer has all these theories about the FBI setting up a giant arms deal with Muslim terrorists and it going awry and the FBI guys getting killed and then this dude going nuts because he was part of it somehow.
	Well, I'm getting cut off.
	That's a possibility.
	But that attack, and I think American journalists should be ashamed of this.
	That attack is a gigantic question mark that no one knows the answer to.
	It's not because he's fucking white, you stupid bitch.
	You don't think the media is dying to pillory white guys?
	Why do you think the proud boys are domestic terrorists?
	Oh, he became Muslim six months before massacre.
	I actually hadn't seen that.
	That's juicy.
	So all you really have is this Nashville guy.
	Right now, some of you are going to take out your phone, open Twitter, and at me like, Lily, stop being such a baby.
	These are just words, okay?
	Sticks and stones.
	They break your bones.
	Words can't hurt.
	No one's getting injured.
	Stop, stop, stop.
	I'm not worried about Muslims being offended by the terrorist moniker.
	I'm not using it as the N-word.
	I'm saying that these are bona fide examples of terror that the perpetrators want you to know is terror.
	You're getting involved in something that the terrorists don't want you to get involved in.
	Poetry slam.
	But jokes aside, can we be real?
	Words are the most common tool used to harm others.
	Because sure, calling it the China virus or kung flu may just be s ⁇ They're the most common things used to complement each other.
	They're very handy.
	That's what defines humans is we talk.
	So that's a ridiculous thing to say.
	That's like pointing out that furniture kills more people than anything else.
	Yeah, because furniture's fucking everywhere.
	I'm staring at like 32 pieces of it right now.
	Stupid and racist, but then you realize things like this.
	Violence against Asian Americans is going up and you realize, oh, do you know why violence against Asian Americans is going up?
	It's not going up against you.
	They're not attacking Sikhs because they think they're terrorists.
	They're attacking Asians.
	And you know why they're doing that?
	Because they can.
	Because bail is done.
	Cops have been defunded.
	Black kids can do no wrong.
	So guess what they do when you lay that out for them?
	They do wrong.
	And who's a good target?
	Hasidic Jews, they don't fight back.
	Ooh, old Asians, they don't fight back.
	And they have money on them.
	This has absolutely fuck all to do with kung flu and the China virus.
	And by the way, you're allowed to call it the China virus.
	We called it the Spanish flu.
	You call things where they come from.
	And we all know that China did this maliciously.
	China was working on chemical weapons and they overdid it and made something incredibly contagious and went, holy shit, and it got out of hand.
	Whoops.
	Stop making chemical weapons, you stupid, fucking, horrible Chinese people.
	You disgusting, tyrannical hellhole of a country devoid of human rights and totally determined to get us.
	And we all know we're going to war with China within the next decade.
	That's just happening because they want it to.
	And eventually we'll have no choice but to retaliate.
	China is the enemy.
	Communism is the enemy.
	Russia is the enemy.
	And Islam is the enemy.
	That's the situation we're in in America.
	We didn't start the fight, but we will finish it.
	So the idea that these black teenagers are waiting for instructions from Trump is willful ignorance.
	You are fucking blind to the perps.
	And the fact that they can take these black kids attacking Asians because there's no bail and there's no cops and they have tons of money on them, the fact that you can take that and make it white supremacy is equally as insane as taking a men's drinking club and turning it into domestic tear.
	You're the cocksuckers who are using words as rhetoric to change and distort reality.
	Because you don't like the reality.
	Because you guys look bad.
	Uh-oh.
	The secret's out.
	Well, the secret went back in again.
	It's actually dangerous.
	Making jokes about Jews controlling space lasers and drops.
	The left did that.
	Marjorie Taylor Greene.
	Again, I had to look this shit up because when I first heard that, I go, I don't want to support a woman who thinks that Jews have laser beams.
	And I look it up.
	And as we discussed last week, she listed a bunch of strange coincidences about the fires in California and who benefits.
	Plenty of non-Jews in that list, by the way.
	But because of the many suspicious characters in the list, of which there was like 20 different people who were suspiciously involved in the California wildfires.
	Of that list, one was the Rothschilds.
	And coincidentally, anti-Semites don't like the Rothschilds.
	Ergo, if they're on your list of people you're criticizing, then you're an anti-Semite and you think Jews have lasers.
	Again, they're using the words to obfuscate reality.
	They're using the words to twist the truth and brainwash you.
	Soros paying off protesters.
	Sounds cruel.
	Soros is paying off protesters.
	He brags about it.
	He talks about the hundreds of millions of dollars he's poured into activism.
	And his group, what's it called?
	The Open Society Foundation.
	We've seen them pay checks to people.
	We've seen lawyers magically appear.
	We've seen DAs that Soros funded release Antifa.
	This isn't a conspiracy theory.
	These are all well-documented facts.
	Soros.
	This is all there for the taken.
	And half the time, the people you're defending have admitted it.
	Soros admits that he funds these protests.
	These jihadists admit that they did it for Allah.
	And then she goes, if you think that, you're a terrorist.
	What?
	Okay, go ahead.
	Kookie.
	And then you realize, oh, anti-Semitism is on the rise everywhere.
	I've seen news story out there.
	Stop.
	I would argue that there is a slight increase in anti-Semitism on college campuses.
	You cannot be pro-Israeli.
	You can't be in Israeli and talk about how great Israel is on a college campus anymore.
	No fucking way.
	You'll be massacred.
	Similarly, amongst the black community in Brooklyn, especially, there's anti-Semitism.
	There's Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where they're attacking Hasids just for fun.
	But when you get deeper into Brooklyn, you get to, what is it, Brooklyn Heights, Crown Heights?
	They deeply resent the Orthodox Jews who are moving in there because they think they're gentrifying and they're going to become landlords and raise the rent.
	So there's anti-Semitism there.
	There's obviously the black Hebrew Israelites who have been making a name for themselves, murdering Orthodox Jews, going into kosher delis, shooting them in upstate New York.
	That's definitely an issue.
	But as far as white nationalists hating Jews, no.
	Sorry, that's not on the rise.
	You got the wrong guys.
	What's this now?
	Yet there's a little personality from activists who are normally quite quick to denounce hate crimes and bigotry.
	What explains the science the perpetrator has been disproportionately black.
	And that's true of this Asian on black violence, too.
	That's why Charlene McRae, de Blasio's wife, says, don't call the cops.
	Handle it yourself.
	Because I don't want it in the stats.
	I don't want a record of this.
	New story of black people described as thugs or gangbangers may not seem very scary until you realize that these racial biases have very real consequences.
	Stop, stop, go back, go back, go back, go back, go back.
	So what's she talking about describing blacks as gangbangers and thugs?
	In what context?
	Like, there was a bunch of gangbangers and thugs at the party.
	When you mean blacks, people don't do that.
	They say gangbangers and thugs if they mean literally gangbangers and thugs.
	They don't say, oh, Denzel Washington, you know that thug.
	Oh, the BET awards.
	You mean the gangbanger awards?
	Like, that's not a thing.
	But go back a little bit before this.
	After a news story of black people described as thugs or gangbangers may not seem very scary until you realize that these racial biases have very go back.
	Research shows black drivers more likely to be stopped by police.
	Yes, that's true because blacks disproportionately are involved in auto crimes, in not having driving with a suspended license, not having insurance, not having registration,
	having some sort of problem with the car, with the taillight, with the bumper missing.
	They are disproportionately represented in crimes that involve driving, so they get pulled over more.
	Giant tall black men are recruited more for the NBA.
	Super smart nerds are overrepresented in NASA and medicine.
	Sorry, you have to look at the amount that blacks do this crime before you say they're disproportionately represented in getting arrested for that crime.
	So that's total horseshit.
	Erase it.
	Next.
	Real consequence.
	Black people are six.
	What was that one?
	Black people aren't six.
	Some black people are six, and they're only six for one year.
	Oh, sorry.
	Black people are up to six times more likely to be killed by police.
	Harvest City says, again, Lily, this is amateur hour at the Apollo.
	You need to look up the crime stats.
	Yes, they're more likely to be shot by police because they're more likely to be in a criminal situation.
	Similarly, cops are more likely to be shot by black men because black men are disproportionately represented in crime.
	Cops tend not to be shot by old white ladies.
	You know why?
	Because old white ladies tend not to be in criminal situations.
	Are you seeing how stats work yet?
	Okay, let's do the next one because it's long and we don't have time.
	Consequences.
	Okay, so I guess I'm supposed to go through all these.
	Now, we know that Trayvon Martin was a thug, and he was picking a fight with George Zimmerman, a Peruvian, and he kept pounding the shit out of the guy.
	You don't pound the shit out of someone with a gun, or if you do, you know the odds are pretty high you're going to get shot.
	He got shot.
	So this was a thug.
	And in that documentary we talked about, the French dude did, we have all of these texts of him, pictures with guns, him getting into gangbanging, and his friends going, Trayvon, what are you doing?
	You have a family that loves you.
	Why are you hanging around with these fucking gangbangers?
	So they nailed it when they called Trayvon a gangbanger.
	Yvette Smith, I don't remember, Eric Garner, was he the I Can't Breathe guy?
	So was that the guy with the cigarettes?
	Selling Lucy's, the guy who got choked out.
	He had an asthmatic, asphyxiated breakdown because he was totally out of shape.
	Now, why were the cops hassling him?
	Because socialist de Blasio had decided to crack down on Lucy's, people selling Lucy's.
	So it was socialism and bad health that killed him, if that's the right Eric Garner.
	Michael Brown didn't have his hands up.
	That was a lie.
	He beat the shit out of an Indian, by the way.
	He beat the shit out of an Indian shop worker and stole a bunch of cigars.
	And then the cops were called.
	When the cops showed up, he went for the cop's gun and he got shot.
	Terrible example.
	Tamir Rice.
	I mean, we've been through so many of these.
	Freddie Gray was dealing heroin.
	Sandra Bland was a suicidal lunatic who killed herself in prison after many attempts outside of prison.
	They assume she was murdered in prison.
	Philando Castile is one of the better examples as far as innocent goes.
	But I guarantee you, if I was to go through all these, Ahmed Arbery, definitely casing the joint.
	You don't jog five miles from your house in Timberlands.
	He grabbed the gun when the guy said, what are you doing around here?
	And it went off.
	Breonna Taylor was a drug dealer.
	She was living the life of crime.
	She got involved in it.
	These cops were told by their superiors to take care of crime in the neighborhood.
	They went over there.
	As they were told, they were doing their job.
	They got shot at.
	They shot back.
	She died.
	That's what she was asking for.
	When you get involved in a life of crime, you get shot.
	That's the risk you take.
	Most people don't complain about it.
	Hell's angels don't complain when they get shot and demand parades.
	They go, well, I was dealing meth.
	I guess shit hits fans.
	And then, of course, there's George Floyd, who OD'd on fentanyl.
	So we could go through all of these.
	We could do a whole video of going through these.
	But speaking of Words matter, what they do is they just pile these names down without explanation or context.
	And I don't blame the incurious, but they see this list and they go, Oh, black people are being slaughtered, absolutely slaughtered by racist cops.
	We need to do something.
	And of course, when you do shit like this, you put cops' lives in jeopardy because you're like, I mean, if I was dumb, I would go, cops are shooting black people for sport?
	Well, we should shoot them.
	That's not what they were hired to do.
	And so you get morons with guns who start shooting cops based on the assumption that all these people are innocent.
	And by consequences, I mean everything from the laws we write to the justice we uphold.
	Words matter.
	You know, I always tried to see the silver lining.
	How far are we into this now?
	327.
	This video is about Proud Boys becoming terrorists.
	She's done nothing but whine about how bona fide patterns affect her hypothetical life.
	And we still haven't touched the subject at hand.
	Three-quarters of the way into the video.
	And here's another thing.
	Blacks were slaves.
	As Anne Coulter points out, they have an argument.
	There was Jim Crow, there was civil rights.
	I get it.
	I don't really agree that you're oppressed in 2021, but at least there's a semblance of an argument there.
	Sikhs who came here from a shithole like the Punjab and are thriving in Canada and America, you don't get to jump on the black bandwagon.
	You don't get to talk about Trayvon Martin like you're one of them.
	Sikhs don't get in their car going, I don't know if I'm going to make it home alive.
	That's not your world.
	You're piggybacking black oppression.
	And more people should be outraged by that.
	Change.
	And that's why it's so refreshing to see that Canada has labeled the Proud Boys as a terrorist organization officially.
	It's like someone.
	Who else sees that?
	Proud Boys next to ISIS and Al-Qaeda and goes, yeah, what's the death toll?
	What's the Proud Boys' death toll?
	And what is the ISIS and Al-Qaeda death toll?
	Should that not be a factor?
	Muslims killed 3,000 people in one hour in New York.
	Proud Boys killed nobody.
	Turn off the gaslight for two seconds and thought, oh, well, if they walk like a terrorist and talk like a terrorist and attack like a terrorist, maybe they're more dangerous than your Muslim neighbor who they don't walk like a terrorist or talk like a terrorist or attack like a terrorist.
	So by your very logic, they should be removed from the list.
	And my Muslim neighbor, if he's between 18 and 25, the odds are one in four that he's a terrorist.
	Those are fucking high odds.
	Those are really high odds.
	Over and drink sparkling grape juice instead of have a drink with you.
	Language matters, y'all.
	And I'm happy that we're finally seeing racial equality when it comes to how we label terrorist groups.
	White people have just as much a right.
	That's why I played this.
	That's all she cares about.
	That's all Jarmeet Singh cares about.
	That's all anyone cares about.
	I'm happy we're finally seeing white people on the terrorism list.
	Not that they deserve to be there.
	No.
	I just want diversity when it comes to crime.
	This is what they want.
	They don't want diversity when it comes to sanitation.
	They don't want black people or sorry, women involved in sanitation.
	They don't want Jews involved in the NBA.
	They don't need diversity there, but they need diversity of white people on shitty thing lists and black people on cool thing lists.
	That's racist, by the way.
	Right to sit on that FBI's most wanted list than brown people.
	Congratulations, Proud Boys, on breaking the terrorism glass ceiling.
	All I'm saying is the next time I turn on TV and there's a funny bit about terrorism, his name better be Greg.
	Wow.
	Four and a half minutes, and we have one semblance of a joke on a comedy show, which is congratulations, Proud Boys, on breaking that glass ceiling of terrorism.
	That's a lot of work to get to one joke.
	Watched you bring my world to a living as possible.
	Let's yeah, it's kind of worth going through that whole list that Lily Singh put up.
	You know what I mean?
	Oh, all the victims.
	I'm not doing the mailbag yet.
	We got plenty of time.
	Yeah, that list.
	Because remember I did that 21 Ways to Die that Alicia Keys made?
	And she listed all these people.
	She's like not having a functioning taillight or driving home at dark.
	And then it would show the face of the person.
	And you watch it and go, Jesus Christ.
	Wow.
	That woman was murdered by police because her taillight was out?
	I don't approve of that.
	That's not in the Constitution.
	I don't care what race she is.
	Here in America, we don't murder people because their taillights are out.
	So then you look it up and you go, oh, she committed suicide in her cell.
	This is Sandra Bland.
	She'd been suicidal for a long time.
	She was incredibly mentally ill.
	And the reason that she ended up in jail for a taillight is because she went fucking ballistic on the cop and wouldn't calm the fuck down.
	You know, I looked up the second name on that list too.
	I think it was Yvette something.
	And the tricky thing is you see the picture.
	They always use like nice pictures of them.
	You know, it's really hard to find.
	Yeah, it's really hard to find the ones where they're holding a gun.
	They're like, fuck everybody.
	Yeah, like with Diana Taylor, we finally saw the picture where she's pointing a gun at the camera, and he's pointing a gun and she's like, do you love how he's got my six?
	Meaning he's got my back.
	Right.
	Let's put that on the cover of O magazine.
	What are you looking at?
	And so when you see those pictures, you're like, oh, that's an innocent person.
	So I kind of fell for it.
	I saw the pictures of that.
	I was like, oh, that one actually looks like that was a bad shooting.
	Well, that's what they're doing.
	They've been taking advantage of us.
	Like, Antifa, you're anti-fascist.
	That sounds good.
	I don't like fascism.
	That's what got me to vote Obama.
	Yeah.
	Or, you know, they know that our entire lives, we've heard rape and gone, I want to kill that person.
	So now they go, they rape someone.
	And you go, well, slow down.
	So now when I hear racist tirade, when I hear rape, when I hear innocent black person killed by cop, You know, up until maybe 10 years ago, I would go, What?
	What the fuck?
	That's disgusting.
	Because it was a more honest time.
	Now there's so many lies.
	You could tell me someone chopped a baby's head off.
	And I go, Meh, I'm going to look into it actually.
	It's, yeah.
	Although maybe this is in feminism, I got to get to this today.
	Pepe's, where's this thing?
	Censorship.
	You want a feminism bumper?
	No.
	This woman, you know that weird, disgusting East Indian dude who's covered in hair?
	Chank Junger.
	No, Olak something.
	And he said, look, the narrative here is that we're going to molest your daughter when we go to the bathroom.
	Yeah.
	These women are pretty fucking slutty.
	I got that.
	Where is this?
	I retweeted it.
	Did you?
	Yeah.
	It was in my newts.
	Here we go.
	Alak.
	Yeah.
	A-L-O-K.
	It's a very common Indian name.
	Let's take a look at it.
	It's a woman's voice.
	It's in my newts.
	Tweet.
	Alakved Manan.
	Yeah.
	And so this woman said, this right-winger said, this is demonic.
	And it really is.
	Because they said a lot of the time your daughter's asking for it.
	Your young daughter in the bathroom is being a little whore.
	And then this disgusting pig, I was really sure this was in my notes, says, you know, she has it coming.
	No, I don't have it in my fucking notes.
	Cassandra Fairbanks was like, this is the last that she tweeted.
	And you go, oh, it must have been like denying the Holocaust or something, or Sandy Hook or Jews have laser beam eyes.
	And then you see it, and you can just go Command F last, dumbass.
	Yeah, I've tried that before.
	It doesn't work because it doesn't consider this text.
	It's like within a barrier that you can't...
	So even if I type interesting, you know, it doesn't.
	It sucks.
	But I lost my spot now.
	So she just said the word demonic.
	Yeah, about something that is demonic.
	But because it's a tranny, he's allowed to say whatever he wants.
	We have to find this.
	I'm sorry.
	I can look in my notes.
	I mean, I can look on my McPuter.
	I call it a McPuter because my daughter used to say that when she was four.
	You put it.
	Why can't you find this, you punched?
	Had to go back to March 7th is probably why.
	No, that's not it.
	Oh, yes, it is.
	Yeah.
	So, women's voices.
	And look at the woman who, like, there must tell me, please, there's some feminists going, what is this asshole doing at our meetings?
	Oh, my God.
	We got to find that original tweet, though.
	Oh, I had it.
	So, I retweeted the original.
	These eyes.
	Exactly.
	There we go.
	But I want to see that whole picture of him.
	There we go.
	Finally.
	So zoom out on that so we can see the whole thing.
	So please, I beg of you, please tell me there are feminists who see a lock come into their meeting about women's voices.
	And please tell me there's some going...
	He's like, hi, girls.
	Oh, my God.
	I want to talk today about daughters and what sluts they are.
	And there's a woman there, a single mom, with a six-year-old daughter, just going, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?
	How did we get here?
	We're at a rape workshop, and we have this hairy beast coming in with a wig on and some makeup and telling us that our daughters are sluts and he wants to fuck them.
	This isn't really the feminism that I was expecting when I signed up for a women's voices workshop.
	These days, the narrative is that transgender people will come into bathrooms and abuse little girls.
	Yes, that is our fear.
	The supposed purity of the victims has remained stagnant.
	Yep, we're talking about little girls.
	I don't know if you're familiar with the stats, but they tend not to be real precocious cocktases, these little girls.
	There are no princesses.
	Little girls are also kinky.
	I'm embarrassed even reading this.
	Like, I'm scared someone in the next office is going to walk by and hear this.
	With a machine gun.
	Yeah, the magical Negro is going to be fixing the copier and he's going to be like, what did you say?
	Your kids aren't as straight and narrow as you think.
	Yes, they are their kids.
	Alik Ved Menem.
	In other words, Alik made venom.
	Whoa.
	I'm not.
	Just is.
	There's no justice, just does.
	So anyway, that conservative chick says this is demonic.
	Dictionary definition of demonic.
	Not remotely controversial.
	But you can't anger trans.
	Because the fat, disgusting losers who work at Twitter consider themselves trans.
	And it explains the fact that they cannot get laid.
	So if you criticize they, them, then you have to suffer, no matter what the truth is, no matter what the logic is.
	Isn't that fucking disgusting?
	Look at this pig.
	Okay, you can be around my daughter.
	I wouldn't want to be banned from Twitter.
	Can we let this thing around our daughters, please?
	He thinks, and outside of the way he looks, he's just explicitly stated that he thinks there are no princesses and our children are kinky.
	So he could look as normal as Ralph Nader, and I don't want him around my fucking kids.
	Right.
	I'll take the lamb on the rice with the red sauce.
	You want the spicy sauce?
	Yes.
	Spicy sauce.
	You're kinky.
	Oh, yeah, this was fun.
	Let's do an Antifa BLM segment.
	It's always fun.
	It's always fun.
	You're fucking a white man!
	Neither am I!
	Look at these fucking horrible weak losers!
	Fuck your dad!
	So I think we covered this last week with MSNBC.
	We got to make a video.
	I hereby command you to make a video montage of that guy who, by the way, is a very successful FBI advisor.
	He worked with the Security Council.
	He's in all these think tanks.
	There's not a random dude off the street.
	And he claims that Antifa are fighting fascism.
	They're a reaction to fascism.
	And this is not the link there.
	And the Capitol was an insurrection.
	They all have to go to jail.
	And Antifa, what we saw for the past, I say 10 months?
	I realized that was a year ago.
	It's been 12 months of nonstop motherfucking chaos from Antifa BLM destroying this country.
	Yeah, that guy.
	With our favorite Muslim convert in the middle there, John Brennan.
	There's no equivalency by any measure between Antifa or any political left terrorism right now and what's going on on the political right.
	And I always like to remind people when they hear Antifa, that means anti-fascist, which is in response to another.
	So if you have a go, oh, you're a stupid college girl like the smug bitch with the beautiful teeth we just saw.
	No, dude.
	Look up Clint Watts.
	He's been around the block.
	He was a major player with the FBI's anti-terrorism task force.
	This guy's a big fucking deal.
	And he believes that white nationalists are the biggest threat, not just to America, but overall.
	Dance like Russia isn't watching.
	So he's a big Russiagate dork.
	Isn't that amazing?
	Like, this is what I was saying earlier about how we see people in authority like that and we go, you know what you're doing.
	You're a judge.
	You must be impartial.
	You're in the FBI.
	No, it's all the same twats from high school.
	Clinton Watts just learned to lick enough ass to get up to the top and got on MSNBC.
	He's not qualified.
	So basically you should have just named the Proud Boys the good guys.
	There'd be no problem.
	They're called the good guys.
	They are.
	They're called the Proud Boys.
	They're just boys who are proud.
	It's in the name.
	But yeah, I want you to make me a montage of all the worst violence from the past 12 months with that guy's narration going over top of it.
	Maybe you can slide him over to one side and then just show like the one, the biggest one was the one we were talking about before we started shooting, which was the shooting for that.
	There was that guy who grabbed a taser gun at Wendy's because he fell asleep in his car.
	And then there was this.
	So this is not violent, by the way.
	This was a BLM Antifa rally protesting the guy who got shot for stealing a cop's taser.
	And do you think these people are concerned about politics?
	That's what I'm talking about.
	BLM and Antifa gave a lot of bad people the excuse to riot and kill and murder.
	Who are these guys that are heavily armed going towards the cops that made the arrest and shot the guy?
	They just heard there was shit going down and they thought, let's go fight people.
	Who want that smoke?
	Who want that smoke?
	Hey, IP2, you happy there?
	Gunshot goes off.
	Is that just one faction of BLM and another one?
	If I hear a gunshot, I'm running away.
	They go, what's going on over there?
	Some sort of shooting?
	Oh, shit.
	Gunfight.
	Oh, fuck.
	When you get behind the car.
	First, don't stop bullets, by the way.
	Maybe the wheel well, you'll be safe, but the car will easily go through both doors and into your chest.
	Get behind the car.
	Yeah, get behind the car.
	What is this woman doing just standing out there?
	She's just checking it out.
	Whose mom is that?
	She's an Antifa mommy.
	She's Aunt Aifa.
	Wander away.
	This is not mom.
	Fuck, get down.
	Get down.
	Oh, you okay?
	You okay?
	You hit?
	You hit?
	She's hit.
	She's hit.
	You hit?
	Move me.
	Go back and move me.
	She's a rich girl.
	She's some random white Antifa chick who came down to check out the fun.
	You hit?
	She's hit.
	She thinks she's a medic.
	She's hit.
	She's hit.
	Do you know what she got hit with?
	Reality.
	Where is she hit?
	Look at her.
	That's your daughter playing revolutionary.
	And she's not even at a revolution.
	She's at a fucking gangster shoot-up.
	It's the guy up there.
	Who got the rag?
	Hey, can you use your doom rag or something about her?
	Look at her little sandals.
	The other girl.
	I'm wearing my sandals to a riot.
	That shit went right by me and hit her in the leg.
	Believe it or not, I don't want these people to die.
	Oh, I found that link I was looking for forever.
	It's in Antifa BLM.
	I don't know why I put it there.
	Oh, I know why.
	And there was a big Antifa rally here in New York City this weekend where their priority was, 4-6, getting illegal stimulus money.
	Illegals aren't on the books, so they didn't get any of the money.
	And that made people in New York mad, even though nobody at this rally has ever met an illegal alien, knows what they're like, Knows what they do.
	They just thought they need money, these people.
	You know what this has got to be?
	Antifa is a paramilitary wing of the DNC.
	The DNC said, get some people on the street protesting that illegals get money because we want them to vote and we need their votes.
	You know, we'll stop this really quick.
	Be like, okay, we can give money to the illegal immigrants, but instead of 1,400, we're going to give you 900.
	And then let's see if this protest happens.
	So, yeah.
	Isn't that weird?
	What the fuck was that rally about?
	You really care?
	I bet none of these people have mentioned illegal aliens once.
	The only time they see them is when they mow their mother's lawn.
	Excluded workers.
	This was a fun little story that I have to get to today.
	Mumford and Sons, a Mumford son, who Mumford and Sons have previously been in big trouble for daring to pose for a picture next to David Duke.
	No, just kidding.
	Jordan Peterson.
	Okay, Jordan Peterson.
	One of the sons from Mumford and Sons has landed in hot water.
	He said, congratulations, Mr. Andy No.
	Now, we featured this book on the show, Unmasked.
	I'm reading it right now.
	It's a really good book.
	It's remarkably benign.
	When you're writing about such an opinionated group who regularly say, kill all Nazis and slit Gavin McInnes' throat and threaten my children and all this shit, that's what you're talking about.
	Die cis scum, kill Trump, punch Nazis.
	That's what you're writing about, and you're being incredibly calm.
	It sounds like he's writing about fish in this book.
	He just talks about their patterns.
	He's very stoic in the book.
	So you're allowed to like it.
	It's a New York Times bestseller.
	It's okay to like it.
	And of course, his fans hate him because Antifa has amazing PR.
	Proud Boys have the worst PR imaginable, and Antifa has the best.
	It's amazing.
	And they call themselves revolutionaries.
	Maxine Waters defends Antifa.
	We have politicians saying they're anarchists.
	Just to be clear, politicians in the House of Representatives are talking about how great anarchists are.
	You're not an anarchist if politicians like you, my friend.
	So this is such a great example of Clown World.
	And it was funny seeing all the, does this show all the tweets of people hating him?
	Oh, look at this one.
	Your banjo player is a fascist.
	What do you think this is going to do to your public image?
	You guys screwed up.
	Fire the fascist.
	A dumbfounding endorsement of fascism.
	This is so damn disappointing and really enforces all the bad stereotypes about what it means when you hear the sound of banjos.
	So they're inbred rednecks from deliverance now.
	Supporting fascism ain't a good look.
	Again, these tweets should be mounting for the nine billionth time.
	Go to 4.8, maybe they'll mount there.
	We're watching your computer.
	Scroll down.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Oh, so that's the evil tweet.
	Hey, man, I checked out your book.
	It's pretty brave.
	How dare you?
	Imagine being in Mumford's home was only the second most embarrassing thing.
	They're the landlords of rock and roll.
	They're a flock of Zeeg Isles.
	You're a Nazi.
	Keep going.
	A dumbfounding endorsement of fascism.
	What?
	Reinforces all the bad stereotypes about...
	Oh, we saw that one already.
	Mumford, come get your son.
	That was pretty good.
	Let's see what he looks like.
	And then, you know, it's fun to look at them all.
	One time I saw there was this tweet about, I forget who it was, it was like Roger Stone needs to go to jail.
	And I looked up that guy's Twitter and he was submissive.
	And there's all this Dominatrix shit about him buying piss, this black guy, saying he's been in a reality show for 19 years and they won't let him out.
	You know, a lunatic.
	But who's this guy?
	Oh, he's got to go fund me.
	Please give me money.
	He's got a bunch of followers who needs a he him.
	Support my YouTube habit here.
	Hire me for a real job.
	And what do you do, Kyle?
	Just hire me.
	Let's see what he makes.
	Thank you.
	Thank you for clicking on this non-video essay content.
	I know it must have been a huge sleep for you to do that.
	This is who we're up to.
	Your bravery will be rewarded because I have a huge announcement to make, and it has nothing to do with video essays.
	I'm still working on them.
	In fact, you can see the first six minutes of my next video essay on my Patreon, the Indulger tier.
	It's a reward tier.
	So you can click the link there if you want to see that.
	And send me a dollar.
	But no, this is not about video essays.
	This is about even bigger.
	He's sweating.
	So these are the kind of people that have heart attacks when you don't support Antifa.
	So yeah, initially, by the way, they changed the title.
	They had called him Far Right.
	Andy No.
	Mumford Sun support far right.
	I'm sure they don't give a shit at this point, do they?
	I mean, if I was in a band, I would get, I can't believe The Guess Who toured for 10 years.
	Burton Cummings got a lot of shit for leaving The Guess Who and going solo, but he was spreading out all his money.
	They were making 20 grand a night, and the drummer got as much as him.
	They're all his songs.
	He could have made 50 grand a night and kept 49, basically.
	I'm exaggerating, but 45.
	And after 10 years, I think that's fair.
	That's okay.
	You wrote all the songs.
	But go to 4.9.
	This is where I had buried that original Lauren Witzkiel thing.
	This is Andy No.
	This is someone who's far right, by the way.
	Arizona Democrat lawmaker has voted against a bill that seeks to introduce harsher sentencing for convicted child molesters and rapists.
	Her reasoning?
	The bill would hurt people of color.
	What?
	I don't give a fuck what kind, what race the child molester and the rapist is.
	Sorry.
	Is she far right?
	Is she like David Duke far right where she's saying that blacks are always rapists?
	But click on that crazy bitch?
	That stupid witch.
	We can't persecute child sex predators.
	The 60-year-old progressive also uploaded a video elaborating on her opposition to the pros law change.
	Why would I vote against this bill?
	Because we know that the justice system in the United States is not colorblind.
	What?
	So we can't enforce laws about rapists because the justice system is racist, and any law we push will hurt blacks more.
	Really?
	Is that why my friends are in prison for being Nazis?
	And that, by the way, was the segue to the post we couldn't find earlier, 50.
	So now it's far right to oppose child molesters.
	No, we're not doing that.
	No, no, 5-0.
	Oh, no, you're right.
	I had it wrong.
	Anyway, that was the a lock thing.
	So my next link was going to be the a lock thing saying it's now controversial to be against trainees raping your children.
	That's where we're at, folks.
	That's where the fuck we're at in modern America.
	All right, let's hit the mail B. Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Oh, someone sent me a link to that fucking doohickey up the dinga bong.
	Ooh dicky.
	The jim a jamb.
	Ow.
	The jiddly bump.
	That old thing.
	The Cuomo thing.
	Cuomo tweets.
	Hate will not be tolerated in New York.
	Authorities must review these videos immediately and make arrests and prosecute as appropriate.
	Hate cannot and will not be tolerated in New York.
	And then he says, here's a message from a Queensboy to the so-called proud boys.
	New York has zero tolerance for your BS.
	That's the tweet I was trying to remember.
	He said that on October 13th, 2018.
	And now he's fucked.
	And I could not be happier.
	All right.
	Stephen Ho.
	This might be an old Chinese secret, but in case you haven't, this is a two-minute satirical video by the BBC No Less, where they make a lot of the same points that Gavin makes about modern women in the workplace.
	Okay?
	For years, women have fought hard to ensure that our generation had an equal place in the workforce.
	And to all those women, we just want to say thank you.
	But also, f you.
	I am so tired.
	Being a welcome woman sucks foals.
	I work for a women's rights NGO, and every day, I get letters from little girls saying, help me.
	I need an education.
	And I'm like, no, you don't.
	I had an education.
	You know what I need now?
	The now.
	In my mother's day, they used to say that a woman's place was in the kitchen.
	And to that I say, why does that change?
	I work a 50-hour week in an architecture firm designing kitchens.
	And ironically, I can't find one night to cook a meal in my own.
	If I have to eat one more Tesco regular meal, I will.
	My mother raised me to be an independent woman.
	I don't want to do that.
	I want to marry Rich Banker and go to brunch.
	I've tried to find him on Tinder.
	Ha!
	Hot.
	I've been screaming.
	I made those last two up.
	No, nitrogen.
	I made them.
	I work for a tech startup.
	And now, now I'm a high earner.
	At the end of every day, I'm expected to say split the bill.
	All right, we got it.
	I warned you.
	Pretty sophisticated joke for BBC.
	I'm surprised.
	I had seen that before, though.
	You know what?
	Speaking of people inadvertently telling the truth, we need white people.
	White people are endangered.
	Okay, and hear me out and hear the whole thing before you freak out.
	White people are endangered.
	We're going to become a minority.
	And that's bad for everyone, especially blacks.
	Blacks need white people to run things, to represent them in court.
	Black criminals don't want some black, incompetent black lawyer.
	They want a white lawyer who can get them out of jail.
	Also, blacks can't run corporations.
	Who's going to run Google if we get rid of white people?
	Did that sound racist to you?
	Let's check out link 33.
	This guy does not have the sprinkles, but he accidentally just did what that video did, which was say what I just said.
	American on CNN, he said white people would become extinct in the year 2070.
	I was like, get out of here.
	But listen.
	He said if white people keep having sex with other nationalities, their race is going to be wiped clean off the planet Earth.
	He was like, because nine times out of ten, when a Caucasian has sex and a baby with any other nationality, Asian, Hispanic, or black, that baby is going to come out the other nationality.
	It's not going to come out.
	This is a common myth.
	I'm sick of hearing.
	Look at Phil Collins' kids.
	Look at Megan Markle.
	Within two generations, they have to tell you if they're black.
	I don't get there's this myth that you have sex with an Asian woman and you make a Chinese baby.
	No, you have a Lauren Chen.
	Lauren Chen is going to marry a white guy.
	Her kids will look as white as white can be.
	So, as we've said a million times before, if you want to preserve your non-white race, you have to go fuck that thing.
	If my kids, my kids look sort of American Indian, when they have kids, those kids, by the way, are half Asian, those two kids you're looking at right now.
	Now, imagine that little white kid in the middle, the younger one.
	Imagine his kids.
	The odds of him marrying an Asian are pretty low.
	And even if he did, it'd probably look like him.
	So this myth that, and by the way, maybe 2% of whites marry outside their race.
	And it's more common with poor people than it is with all the rich folks at the New York Times that pretend they love and cherish blacks.
	So the Lewis Farrakhan initial theory is flawed.
	But anyway, that doesn't affect Dion's take on it.
	I just had to point that out.
	She's half?
	I just stepped on it.
	Or leaned on it.
	Is she half?
	You leaned on what?
	My vape.
	That's why I went.
	She's half Chinese.
	Oh.
	What did you think she was?
	Full?
	Yeah.
	No.
	So if they keep doing that, their race is going to be wiped clean off the planet Earth.
	And he was like, and it's already happening because Caucasians are no longer the majority.
	They're now the minority.
	It's not true either.
	And I was like, wow.
	Maybe globally.
	But then it had me thinking, we got to save the white folk.
	We need them.
	We're going to know what junk means.
	Who going to represent me in court?
	I ain't taking no nigga to court.
	I tell you this.
	Nigga be telling my business before I hit the courtroom.
	What up, lawyer?
	Shit.
	Deion drunk ass got another DY.
	I'm going to go ahead and see what they do with this nigga.
	Call me later.
	That's the beauty of comedy.
	The truth seeps out.
	Yeah.
	Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	A white guy saying any of that is the end of his career.
	Which is black privilege.
	What up, Gavin, the great Rye guy?
	I am a cop.
	Well, all cops are bastards, and we don't read bastards' letters.
	Next from Lawrence.
	Just kidding.
	I've been in the force for 10 years.
	What are your thoughts on what policing will be like in the next 10 to 20 years?
	Thank you for my service.
	Respectfully, Brett.
	Brett, you are not going to be able to do your job.
	I don't think I want my sons to be cops anymore, and that's a first in my life.
	I think you're going to become pencil pushers.
	I think you're going to be punished every time you do real police work.
	Every time you chase a perp down an alleyway, every time you catch the bad guy, every time you thwart the robbery, you will be scrutinized and examined, and they'll go through the footage trying to find you farting or blinking at the wrong time, and you'll be written up, and then you'll be exposed in dox.
	There's a thing they did with the NYPD last week where all of their records are public.
	So any infraction, any violation, any complaint is there for the world to see, including retired cops.
	I was sending retired cops their records.
	Publishes a trove of NYPD disciplinary data involving cops, everything.
	And it says like he was accused of, you know, excessive force and it was dropped and that kind of shit.
	It's all there.
	You don't know the context.
	You just know the accusation.
	So what that says to me is don't do your job.
	If you get a call, someone is being murdered.
	Go grab a coffee and a donut and then show up there after everyone's gone and everything's safe and take down a report.
	You're going to become report takers.
	The hood will become a fucking nightmare and it'll expand.
	So the south side of Chicago, Baltimore, South Central, they'll become much larger areas.
	The only way they're going to get cleaned up is when Mexican gangsters come in and kill everyone.
	So you're going to be having a brown on black race war under your very nose.
	And my advice, don't get involved.
	So they said they don't want you to police.
	I wouldn't police.
	Don't do your job.
	Now, if you joined the force because you're a cowboy and you were playing cops and robbers as a kid and you wanted to catch bad guys, I feel sorry for you because that job is gone.
	Especially here in New York, the job is dead.
	So I would keep your nose clean.
	Don't be ambitious.
	Just show up late for work and do the bare minimum because that's what society asked for.
	Okay.
	Make sure your family's safe.
	Make sure you're well armed.
	But yeah, the job has been ruined by social justice warriors.
	And what did they do?
	They defunded the police.
	I wrote this down in my notes here.
	Check this out.
	What was it?
	$2.7 billion.
	They've defunded the police.
	I'm not very good at finding shit in my goddamn notes.
	Probably under racism.
	I'm looking for it.
	Black on Asian still going strong.
	They defunded the fucking police to the tune of billion.
	Just look up like billion maybe in my notes.
	I searched billion.
	I searched police.
	It's not in COVID.
	I'm being in COVID.
	And cops in blue.
	No, we already got that.
	And it's a bit of a social form.
	I need white people and Asian apartment.
	Fix it yourself.
	Paul, back Asian.
	Fix it yourself.
	Joe Jordan.
	And Juliani.
	And then there's Memphis and Dana.
	Oh, Jim Jordan explains 20 million taken away from police.
	What was that under?
	I don't remember.
	Me chick.
	Antifa Bealamatha?
	No, 41, right before feminism.
	That's not tricky and tricky.
	Oh, it was in racism.
	It was in racism.
	Yeah.
	We're prepared to close.
	Gentleman Reserves.
	Gentleman from Ohio.
	Thank you, Madam Speaker.
	Madam Speaker, you said defunding the police is not a slogan.
	You said.
	It is a policy demand.
	Over 20 cities in this great country enacted that.
	They did that to the tune of $1.7 billion taken from the brave men and women who protect us all.
	Good work.
	That is our concern.
	I assume that after that, crime didn't change and you just stopped seeing innocent black people killed, right?
	We had a bill.
	Senator Scott worked tirelessly on it.
	Representative Stahlber, police officer Stahlber, on our side, worked night and day on it.
	But Democrats wouldn't work with this, wouldn't take any of our amendments.
	This is partisan political bill.
	Unfortunately, that's why I urge the no vote.
	With that, we yield back our time.
	Gentleman Yields.
	So what they're doing now is desperately trying to refund the Police because they realized one of the world's oldest professions is actually needed.
	Oh, that's the same clip as Maxine Waters talking about bad cops in blue.
	So you and I, Brett, are united in that sense.
	Best would you rather type of question.
	What would you do if you were sandwiched between your mom and your dad?
	I don't like.
	What would you do if you're swimming?
	He admits, he goes, I'm not a fan of the family inclusion.
	I don't do.
	You were in your dad, and you were an inch deep in your mom, and your dad was an inch deep in you.
	Would you move forward or backward to get out?
	We make questions about the job.
	Oh, okay.
	I know what I would do.
	That's an ancient one.
	And you'd push back on your dad.
	No, no.
	If you're, all right, you're in your mom, and your dad's in you.
	Couldn't you just like just, if you're laying down, you just lift up.
	So it goes.
	Ryan, would you rather there are ultimatums?
	You can't come up with a third angle.
	Non-final.
	You're a chick.
	You're basically a girl who goes, I would rather do neither.
	Well, in that situation, there is a third escape.
	No, there's not, dummy.
	It's an ultimatum.
	There's two options.
	Okay.
	Ummming.
	Well, that's only.
	Would you rather, A or B?
	You can't add a C. So somebody's pushing on my hip or something, preventing me from.
	Sure, you're in a steel box.
	I don't fucking know.
	Well, I'd move back and forth until I'm complete.
	So you'd take both?
	I'd give, take, whatever.
	I'd kiss the guys if I had to.
	No, you'd push back on your dad.
	It's worse to fuck you.
	He wouldn't be there, so I could just exit my mother and continue with my life.
	Dad joke?
	Hey, Gavtart and Ryan.
	I was scrolling through YouTube trying to find videos of you and Ryan.
	I came across this.
	It's your old buddy backstabbing Dante Nero.
	He's back to his old pornographic ways.
	He's talking with other respectable black leaders, real pillars of the community, about how there's racism in black porn because there isn't enough love or enough kissing and caressing.
	I haven't watched any black porn, so I wouldn't know.
	Why is black porn trash?
	Did he look less like that cartoon?
	No, it was because we were doing parties for primary black women between the ages of 25 and 45.
	And people would just kind of ask us, yo, why is black porn so fucking trash?
	Yeah.
	Why quality is so bad?
	Romance, no love, no kissing.
	Why is there no lotion?
	Why is it just as a whole?
	No lotion.
	Yeah.
	I caught that with no lotion.
	You're like, he lotion.
	Then we got a makeup guy and they need makeup too.
	This is ashy.
	Yeah.
	I wouldn't know.
	Is there affection in any sort of...
	Have you ever watched white porn?
	They're not exactly snuggling.
	Why is the quality of them?
	Fuck these people.
	And then.
	Quality.
	P.S. Gavin, you're the only one who talked about how it is important to question this audience beliefs, so settle down on the Ryan shitting and his retarded dinosaur beliefs.
	Dinothor.
	Okay.
	This just says fucking horrific.
	And then the link is horrific video shows moment Bacco crushes New York somewhere.
	Oh, I saw this yesterday.
	Get off your phones.
	Especially black women.
	Get off your fucking phones, especially young people.
	Look at this.
	Smash and scrunch.
	It runs.
	But you didn't show it.
	I mean, I didn't skip it.
	Maybe they did that.
	Does it skip it?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	Well, I saw the whole thing, and it just reverses over her.
	She gets caught under it, and then it rolls.
	I mean, she has to be dead, right?
	But yeah, especially in New York.
	Hey, New York.
	I don't even wear headphones in New York.
	I mean, people want to kill me everywhere I go, but I just don't feel safe not being able to hear.
	Hey, Gavin, I saw this game show idea on 4chan.
	Maybe you guys can make it.
	Find the straight guy.
	Nine gay guys and one straight guy are sent to an island.
	They must figure out who the straight guy is.
	Every week, they vote for the guy they think is straight.
	If they vote off the right guy, the remaining gay men split 1 million prize bounty.
	If the straight guy is one of the last two remaining and the straight guy wins the whole 1 million.
	Unbeannounced to the participants, all of them are straight.
	And they must gay as much as they can to fool other fake gays into thinking they're really gay.
	Comedy ensues.
	Yeah, that's pretty good.
	Nice.
	They start fucking each other.
	Tova, Ryan, you're so lucky to have someone like Gavin who is concerned for your future and tries to give you opportunities like he did in last week's show.
	Thank you.
	And did Ryan do anything about it?
	Any of it?
	What do you mean?
	Well, the impression show?
	Where's your imitation?
	Oh, I could go on for an hour how it's just pointless.
	Look at Dunn again.
	How does he even...
	How do you even do it?
	I mean, your impressions are like quick, and then you're done.
	And I got to be pretty good with them.
	I was thinking about writing Mitch Hedberg.
	I told you, I'll write whatever you want.
	I can write them up.
	Yeah, alright, that'd be good.
	We already agreed on that.
	That's old news.
	So, but you said you were going to send me a script for Trump, and you never did.
	You already did Trump.
	Okay, alright.
	So how about Mitch Hedberg jokes?
	But like political.
	What if Mitch Hedberg was political?
	That's my new thing.
	I have the hair.
	I can get another wig that goes here.
	And I just need blue glasses and a background.
	Hey, man.
	But you wouldn't have the glasses because it's a face on your face.
	Oh, I could do that green screen.
	No.
	Jesus.
	Why can't I put glasses on?
	Just do it like Kyle Dungan.
	All right.
	Yet again, I don't have the technology yet.
	I don't know what he's using, and I got to find out.
	Because I checked out Snapchat.
	Doesn't have it.
	As someone who was also abandoned by my black dad, you seem kind of ungrateful.
	I would love to have an older, wiser, dad-like figure that takes time out of his day to give me advice or even a second thought.
	You seem like a good guy and everything, but come on, man.
	Yeah, yeah.
	He's offered a lot of great improvements, advice to my life.
	And the impression one is you can't make somebody motivated for something that they either like to do or don't like to do.
	Well, you can't make someone motivated to do anything.
	And what's it going to be?
	A whole show of me impression.
	Hey guys, what about this one?
	Hong Kong.
	Aooga.
	Like, fuck you.
	No, it would be me having a regular celebrity guest.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, on the show.
	Like a quick one.
	Which we also discussed.
	But I thought you were saying you told me a show before.
	You were like, no.
	No, I said you could eventually accrue this until it was something that was marketable, that was a brand, that was a thing.
	That's exhausting.
	Exhausting.
	But I explained why I don't do that.
	Playing little scary things for 12 hours in a row is not exhausting.
	It's a four-hour game.
	You said you were up all night playing it.
	It's a 30-minute game.
	I got the first one and the second one.
	And then I save some for later, some because I play my guitar when it's not too late.
	And you're not going to let me talk.
	Well, who cares?
	You don't want to hear this.
	I know this.
	No, you're just contradicting me.
	I just don't care.
	You said I stayed up all night playing a video game till 8 a.m.
	Yeah, because you don't just, when you buy it, you could take a break.
	You don't have to play it all the way through.
	So I took a break and then I played it at night.
	If you cared.
	I don't know why you engage in things that you don't want to know the answer to.
	But do you understand what I'm saying with the impressions at least?
	Like, you know, you...
	No, we discussed all this, and then you went backwards and you said, what am I going to do?
	Put them all together?
	No, we discussed that they're guests on the show.
	And you said, well, I can't.
	I got to write the scripts.
	I said, I'll write you this script.
	That I could do.
	That's fine.
	I don't have a problem with that.
	But it being marketable, there's no way.
	There's no way.
	Yes, there is.
	You do it for fucking Talib Starks.
	Does Kyle Dunne?
	I don't get paid for that.
	Does Kyle Dunnegan market?
	Well, you don't get paid for it because you haven't done it enough.
	No desire to do that.
	No desire.
	And nobody knows my impressions?
	No, that's the problem.
	No desire.
	Nobody knows my impression.
	No, I have desire to do Talib Starks.
	Find five people that know who he is that aren't.
	You know what I mean?
	What's your ambition?
	Like, where do you want to be in five years?
	Well, yeah, I'll figure that out.
	But I like using the impressions to pepper in just normal life on a show such as this.
	But to actually focus on them, I don't have that.
	That I don't have.
	I couldn't bother with that.
	I give up.
	That's like you're good at dancing.
	You wouldn't have a dancing show.
	Well, that's because I have something else to offer.
	But I don't want to be a show.
	What do you have to offer?
	I don't want a show.
	I'm not the one saying I want to show.
	If I wanted a show, I could film a show.
	I could absolutely film a show.
	I got cameras.
	I got fucking lights.
	I got a camera.
	I got action.
	I don't want to.
	We're not talking about you having a show.
	We're talking about you having a thing that you could eventually have somewhere else.
	A creative thing is hard.
	Yeah, a creative thing is hard.
	You know, I like being the supporting.
	Like Kyle Dunnegan was Sly Stone on Adam Carolla's show.
	And him and Frank Stallone talked to Sly Stallone.
	And Sly talked about when they had a threesome.
	And everyone was giggling.
	It was fucking hilarious.
	How does he make money from that?
	Worry about money later on.
	I wouldn't worry about the money part of it yet.
	You haven't accomplished anything.
	I need some income for that.
	All right.
	That's why I give up on you.
	It reminds me of when we started Vice, we were trying to get absolute vodka.
	And one of the things was you do the campaign first.
	So it was a punk campaign.
	And it was absolute punk rock, I think.
	And the bottle was just covered in studs.
	So we had to take an absolute bottle and put studs on it.
	And we're working with the graphic designer.
	And he goes, but we're not getting paid for this.
	And we go, yeah, it's a proposal.
	And he goes, well, so I'm going to work on this, making this bottle, and then we might not get paid.
	And I go, yeah, that's life.
	Oh, yeah.
	And he goes, that's unethical.
	That's not true.
	Okay.
	Now, I don't agree with him.
	You know, but the thing is, it is a, you have to put 100% into it, and you have to have no plan B. And I did that with music, and I did that at Compound Media.
	And if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have a job, and I'd be working at a restaurant and working at a hostel to make them.
	Keith said he didn't hire you at Compound Media.
	I know he's kids in the back.
	I know, I know.
	I'm not even getting into that.
	The why and the what's the where.
	But I'm just saying that I fell ass backwards into this, but you really only have one shot to make it.
	You can keep trying, and it's a rat race.
	I've had an ad agency, I've had a restaurant, I've had a million careers.
	I already discounted this last time.
	I said you are a prolific.
	It doesn't make sense your work ethic and your success rate for the things that you attempt.
	But for a guy like me who likes to, you know, as a 30-year-old, you give up.
	You've had your whole chat to cancel.
	But here's the thing.
	I don't find anything wrong with just working regular jobs.
	I just happen to have been blessed to have, you know, had you asked me to do this job.
	But I wouldn't have had a problem, I suppose, like grinding out just some shitty job because with music, at least, I like to do that.
	It's just as fulfilling when I'm not forcing people to listen to it and trying to sell tickets.
	Online market, it's just such a saturated market for music and comedy.
	You know, I'd have to be exceptional.
	And I don't have that much confidence.
	But you're better than Jimi Hendrix.
	Well, yeah, I mean, but I mean, even Jimi Hendrix wouldn't be making it these days.
	He'd be canceled.
	He'd like Andy No's book or something.
	Something would happen with him.
	NBA All-Star game.
	Look who it is.
	Cabin McCribbage and Brian Katz Superpair Bill.
	Hope all is well, boys.
	I was watching the NBA All-Star game last night, and you couldn't go one second without hearing about the money raised going to African-American funds and scholarships.
	Everything to do with the right, sorry, with the night-involved blackness.
	I actually believe they made a mistake and had Alicia Cara sing the Canadian national anthem, thinking she's a black woman.
	In fact, both her parents are of southern Italian origins.
	Oh, let's look up Alicia Cara.
	What does she look like?
	That'd be funny.
	See, that's the problem with like Mariah Carey and Megan Markle talking about how black they are.
	Now we see anyone from Sicily and we're like, welcome to Black History Month.
	Oh my fucking God, she is hot.
	Sometimes I wonder if I should have married an Italian.
	Italiano.
	Wait, I should be careful.
	She might be 16.
	It's not that part.
	It's the Italian part I have a problem with.
	She's my favorite black singer.
	Very Demi Lovato-ish.
	Okay, there is a movement to change the NBA logo from the white Jerry West to Kobe Bryant, which I am fine with.
	However, players are wearing shirts that state, black kings built this league.
	Could you imagine white NHL players with shirts that said white kings built this league?
	I find this just crazy.
	I feel the media and the woke people out there are creating racial divide when there shouldn't be any thoughts.
	All the best, boys.
	You can say my name.
	It's Barry McCockiner.
	Oh, that's not your name, sir.
	And the thing I liked about sports was it was the last bastion of meritocracy.
	Like I go to a Mets game, I look out, it's almost evenly black, white, and Hispanic.
	And we're cheering for Dominican, Black, white players, because they're all on our team, and we're totally above race in a sense.
	And now they're dragging that into it.
	You know why those players are there?
	Because they can throw a fastball at 105 miles an hour.
	No one else can do that.
	That's why they're there.
	They wouldn't care if they were fucking blind albinos.
	Fuck, albinos.
	Hey, guys, apologies if these are ancient Chinese secrets, but I just discovered these and I think they weren't a take from Gavin Rye guy.
	The first is a hilarious brawl between three drunk chicks and some local gays.
	I'm not sure where.
	And the second is a hilarious argument between two Indian dudes, or as they say in New York, hysterical.
	Their accents are brutal, but they insist on arguing in English.
	Cheers from Texas.
	Stephen N. We got the second one first.
	The first one's a Facebook video.
	If you want to go, then you'll go to Hill and Godung.
	Are you crazy?
	You're fucking awesome.
	Oh, this is ancient news, dude.
	Fuck off.
	Holy shit.
	How old is that?
	God damn.
	It needs to be at least the last year, okay?
	And if it has more than like 80,000 views, we've seen it.
	Everyone's seen it.
	What's the other Indian dispute?
	It's a gays and girls fight.
	Oh, here we go.
	This has got to be it.
	Yeah, this is.
	Oh, my God.
	This is older than the fucking Bible, dude.
	I think we covered this on the second time on the show.
	What a crime loser you are.
	I'm going to email him back.
	These are the oldest clips in the fucking world, dude.
	For some reason, my autocorrect capitalizes fucking.
	Is that a name?
	Dear Gavin, in the grand pudong of the fag zone, Gavin, your story about masturbating the car in front of your friend Steve is gay.
	There's a reason Jackass never aired a stunt titled Masturbating in Front of My Friend, because that's gay.
	My wife and I still love listening to you.
	We're just adjusting to our newfound understanding of your sexual orientation and hope that you will move into the fag zone with the retard.
	Yeah, I know.
	Looking back, it does seem pretty crazy, but you got to understand, Steve and I were like inseparable.
	Like we moved out of our parents' house together.
	We moved into all the same apartments.
	He had a big bed.
	He made a bed out of two beds.
	So sometimes I'd just crash in his bed because we were talking and we'd fall asleep.
	We'd fuck the same chicks.
	We were very.
	And it's not like I was enjoying it.
	I was just freaking him the fuck out and almost making the car crash.
	Yeah, when you're out of like farts, then it makes sense to like, what else?
	Oh, we were so gross.
	What else?
	That I would scoop a fart and I would just open it into his face and he would go, oh man, that's brutal.
	That smells like, it's almost like if steel had a smell.
	It's like burnt steel.
	It doesn't even smell like poo.
	All this information is being forwarded to the Department of War movie veterans for the removal of your medals and to issue your dishonorable discharge.
	Oh, I got some dishonorable discharge.
	It's been a run.
	Discharge for you.
	Yeah.
	Dishonorable discharge.
	Let's do it all over the fucking stadium.
	Fact.
	Oh, I thought you were going to the splooge cam.
	Oh, the old splooge cam.
	Yeah, let's see if there's more than that.
	Let's see.
	That can't still be up.
	Surely someone tapped someone on the shoulder and went, ah, that looks like they're being jizzed on.
	It's at the beginning, I think.
	1-9.
	I say, you ever get so horny you want to jizz on a crowd?
	Should this be a drop or a look for a white colour?
	So look up the watery box.
	Look up hand sanitizer cam.
	Just cut and paste it.
	What are you doing?
	Videos?
	Oh, this guy's...
	He opened his mouth.
	WhiskeyRiff.com.
	Click the videos.
	The hand sanitizer cam.
	Let's get those hands clean.
	Here we go.
	Get your hands nice and clean.
	There we go.
	He puts his mask up.
	He's like, don't get that fucking cum on my face.
	This is crazy.
	Are you jigging my face?
	It even looks exactly like the way cum comes out.
	It looks more like the way cum comes out than the way hand sanitizer comes out.
	Absolutely.
	And if you listen closely, the bottle's going, oh.
	If that was me, I would go.
	Damn it.
	Great job, Dango.
	He's like, give me all the hands.
	Wait, was that the kid that?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Now, that guy's funny.
	Sometimes, regarding our previous letter, sometimes gay is funny.
	Justin Chudeau says, women are disproportionately affected by COVID.
	We are facing a she-session.
	I'm gay for Gavin, and I like Father Felcher of the Fag Zone more than a friend.
	It's especially important right now when women are bearing the brunt of the impacts of COVID-19 and we face a she-session.
	She session.
	Like, there's going to be too few women?
	She-session.
	She-session.
	Okay, last one.
	A little too Soviet, Caitlin.
	Grandsons of Idaho pastor slapped with 13 criminal charges for protesting lockdowns with stickers.
	Two brothers, aged 18 and 14, and their father, 42, face multiple misdemeanor charges for mocking their town's strict lockdown tactics with stickers.
	Wilson, a best-selling author and television producer in Moscow, Idaho, faces an aiding and abetting charge for having made the stickers, which his sons distributed.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	Well, that's not so fun.
	Brandon, I'm just wondering if you'd seen this certain scene in Ray Donovan that implies the Prowboys are white supremacists.
	It's in season seven, episode four at the 41-minute mark.
	One of the characters accidentally attends a white supremacist meeting, and there are obviously a lot of red hats, but it also inspired the few guys.
	Yes, we've seen that episode, and we talked about it on the show at the time when it came out one million years ago.
	Hey, Gavin and Ryan, the purveyor of Fagger, here's a video of a cute dog doing Guinness World Records stuff.
	I like your new friend.
	Excuse me, heels, fuck sunglasses.
	And now we have a cute dog to Jiff is the latest addition to the Guinness World Records family.
	He's a Pomeranian from the world.
	That's what I discovered when I looked up dogs on their hind legs.
	All right.
	That's it for the show.
	Yet another very long show.
	I wanted to play this clip.
	Oh, wait, let's do the final video.
	Let's go to 5-9.
	This is a farmer on Johnny Carson.
	It reminded me of a better time.
	Anyway, no more, but you'll meet this gentleman.
	I want to mention that tomorrow night on NBC at 230.
	This is hard to believe.
	It's David Flederman.
	Just celebrating an outside life.
	That's a little far.
	I want to see him come out.
	I want to see the clap.
	We thought you'd like to see a farmer Tulon, Illinois.
	They all respect him.
	Audience is happy to hear from him.
	They're impressed.
	Have a seat, buddy.
	Have a seat, peer of mine.
	Mr. Eaton, it's a pleasure to have you here.
	Thank you.
	You look remarkable.
	Are you really 97?
	That's what to tell me.
	That's what I go by.
	You look great.
	Must be the climate in Illinois.
	Well, it could be.
	Did I pronounce the town right?
	Is it Toulon?
	Toulon.
	Toulon, Illinois.
	That's the only city in the United States with that name.
	Well, I didn't know that either.
	Yes.
	Now, somebody told me when we first invited you to the show, you didn't want to come on.
	No.
	Really?
	No.
	Why not?
	Well, I'm scared to death.
	Well, you shouldn't be.
	You shouldn't be scared.
	You've been through 10 or 12 World Wars.
	I mean, this.
	Well, I'm kind of getting composed.
	Well, just relax here.
	Since you're back sitting on the front porch and we're talking about it.
	Nobody's watching.
	Thank you.
	He literally has been through two World Wars.
	It's 1988 and he's 97.
	He's been through two World Wars.
	Mine to come on the show.
	Well, I tell you, a lot of my friends know Johnny Carson.
	Uh-huh.
	They said if I had a chance to get on Johnny Carson's show, I'd be on.
	So?
	So I reconsidered.
	Maybe they had good judgment.
	Well, good.
	I hope so.
	Yeah, it's called 1891.
	Do you catch our show very often?
	Oh, occasionally, say.
	But you can be honest.
	Yeah, well, I'm honest with you.
	Yeah?
	I go to bed early.
	Yeah.
	You see, how many times would you think you'd seen the show?
	This show?
	Yeah.
	Oh, down through the years.
	That'd be hard to say.
	Yeah.
	They're just laughing at his honesty.
	It's so refreshing.
	I don't think I'd better press this.
	Anyways, now, somebody mentions your local coffee shop.
	Yeah.
	Oh, well, there's where the farmers congregate.
	Congregate.
	Every farmer has a pickup, you know.
	Goes town for breakfast.
	Sure, yes.
	What goes on at the local coffee shop?
	Oh, I tell you, everything.
	I mean, politically.
	Huh?
	Politically?
	Yeah.
	You can hear all sides of it.
	Yeah?
	What's the title of the?
	All sides of it.
	How American is that?
	Right and left?
	A little bit draggy.
	A little bit draggy so far?
	Pretty draggy.
	You know, agriculture cutting in the dunks.
	Yeah, sure is, isn't it?
	Yes, sir.
	I never lived on a farm myself.
	I grew up in Nebraska, but my uncle had a farm, and so I know a little bit about farm life.
	Oh, that's great.
	And things are kind of tough right now, aren't you?
	Yeah, well, I've been out 197 years.
	197 years.
	Do you still actively work on the farm?
	Yes, I honestly do.
	My yeah, I'm not far out from the last harvest we had, about 90 days.
	Uh-huh.
	What kind of a typical day would you have?
	What time would you get up in the morning?
	Oh, you don't have to rush.
	Yeah.
	You got fun.
	That's what I wanted for.
	You don't have to rush.
	Great guy, honest dude, 97 years old, in great shape.
	And what I really love about that interview was that it exists, that he was invited on the show.
	You don't see Jimmy Fallon or any of these new late-night guys having old farmers on the show.
	There isn't that reverence for the working man.
	There's no reverence for old men.
	There's no reverence for honesty.
	That's the problem with America right now.
	We're missing reverence.
	We need to respect each other, especially those who deserve it.
	And I know you're mad at the radical left.
	I am too.
	And if you really look at what is irritating about them, it's a total lack of respect for everything around them, everything that the previous generations have built.
	And that's why we can rip down statues.
	That's why we can laugh through history and tell everyone to fuck off, because we don't respect our past.
	I don't know what it comes from.
	I suspect teachers brainwashing our kids because they've been brainwashed themselves by the unions.
	It's not that important what the root is.
	The point is it's important to bring it back, to bring back a sense of respect.
	When you see an old person, you should respect them.
	When you see someone honest and hardworking, you should respect them.
	As Charles Murray points out in Coming Apart, we're drifting away from the working class.
	Like the initial Keynes Peel sketch we showed at the beginning of the show, where you have the magical Negro come in, do his tricks, and then fuck off.
	No, that's not what America's about.
	America's about the right and the left getting together, and it's about respecting other people.
	We've been taught to hate each other.
	We've been taught that there's these white nationalist villains lurking around every corner.
	We've been taught that hillbillies are stupid and that southerners are racist fucking rednecks.
	That's not what this country was built on.
	This country was built on giving everyone a chance and saying, I disagree with you, but I respect you.
	I don't think you're a fucking Nazi just because you don't have the same views as me.
	You and I have to get back to that because no one else is.
	So let's be the braver man and say, don't you dare talk to your grandfather like that.
	Don't you dare shit on the working class.
	Don't you dare mock southerners, you elitist shithead.
	I will fucking fight you if you don't apologize to that old man right now because that old guy built this country and the only words he should be hearing out of your mouth are thank you.
	Be brave, get fired, get in trouble, and never stop fighting.

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