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Feb. 18, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:05:36

GOML LIVE #86 - GET FIRED

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
	Yeah, that's a cool wee band Fay in New Orleans, by the way.
	Special interest, and that's called Street Pulse Beat.
	And a new album out, really weird band, but really good.
	I guess you'd call them bunk.
	But they go out of the...
	Love it.
	Look at my fucking hair.
	If I don't spend, if I don't have a shower and spend like an hour fixing it up, then it's a huge fucking mess.
	I think I've had enough of this shit.
	I thought I would be wild man forest guy for like as a new look.
	You know, I've changed.
	I'm not a proud boy anymore.
	I don't really talk about politics as much now that Trump is gone and we just have a retard in the White House who's not even there.
	I think Kamala Harris was answering all his questions yesterday.
	I don't like the butt chick.
	So politics isn't as fun anymore, and this mess is just...
	It's not me.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	He's pimping.
	Where's the haircut helmet you were talking about yesterday?
	Oh, yeah.
	I brought it up.
	I think it's right here.
	So you put this on, and it trims you right up.
	I named it the Hair Catron.
	I've seen this before.
	It has vacuums, and then the vacuums have little scissors in it.
	Yeah, and you'd have to dump it out later.
	If this pulls my hair, I hate...
	Two of my least favorite things are having my hair pulled and any kind of electrical shock.
	You can beat me up for an hour.
	But if this starts pulling my hair, I'm going to pull your hair.
	It is a disaster.
	No, it shouldn't do that.
	This is the third generation.
	So they fixed a lot of the bugs.
	Okay.
	So, Ryan Rivera claims that this stupid thing he got in Japan, which looks tiny for my big head, and my head's not that big, will cut my hair.
	And you should zoom in so people can see it operate.
	This will cut my hair and my beard and groom me in a matter of seconds.
	Surely there has to be touch-ups after that where you have to fix parts.
	No?
	What are you doing?
	Zooming you.
	No, no, zoom with manual zoom.
	So it's sharp.
	You ready?
	I can feel it on the beard.
	Do I have to do this?
	By the way, notice how non-wrinkly my eyes are.
	And this you stuff up in it?
	Okay, you're not doing a very good job here, Ryan.
	I don't want to move this because it's getting it back in place.
	Just hang it up.
	What do I do here?
	Okay, so I switch it on at the back.
	Oh, you hear that?
	There's the wind.
	Whoa.
	It feels like little spiders.
	Holy shit.
	Oh my god, this is the weirdest feeling I've ever experienced.
	Kate, zoom out.
	Zoom out.
	Ow, ow, ow!
	Oh, it's ripping my fucking hair out.
	Ow!
	Ow!
	You're right, dude?
	Ow, Jesus!
	Ow!
	Are you a fuck?
	Hold on one second.
	Let me get the camera out of here.
	No, no, no.
	That's really bad.
	My hair is still tangled in the fans.
	I don't know if you're supposed to take it off yet.
	I'm scared.
	I'm going to rip my hair out.
	I think my hair is tangled in the fans like a washcloth in a garbage disposal.
	Ah, ah, ah.
	Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
	Ow, ow, ow, ow.
	Ow, oh.
	You're the grape lady now.
	Wow.
	Whoa.
	See, it works.
	Whoa.
	What is this with the line?
	It does.
	Well, it's a setting.
	Well, why did you set it to that?
	That looks absurd.
	You said it to modern.
	That's like German mall goth.
	There was modern.
	Dude, that line is insane.
	You look like a Mexican gangbanger.
	Yeah, that's not a good look.
	There was three settings I didn't know.
	Otherwise, I don't really hate it.
	I thought there'd be bald patches.
	No, it does the beard, does the...
	It does everything.
	How long was that?
	Like seconds.
	15 seconds, maybe?
	You got to hand it to Japan.
	Pretty cool.
	Yeah, so good.
	Pretty cool.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	That's going to take over.
	You don't have to wait in a Baba chair.
	Man, I look gorgeous, by the way.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Nothing wrong with being gorgeous.
	Put my dad out of business, that thing.
	Yeah.
	Your dad's going to be pissed.
	I mean, I thought he was the only haircutting Japanese robot on the market.
	Let me explain Ryan's joke.
	Ryan's biological father, Katsu, has no feelings.
	So that's why he's calling him a robot.
	He was able to abandon his child, leave him to the wolves.
	Aka Puerto Ricans.
	I'm like Mowgli.
	And he was raised by Puerto Ricans.
	That's right.
	Like a wolf boy.
	What do you guys eat?
	Just beans and rice and shit.
	Beans and rice.
	Is there even such thing as a Puerto Rican restaurant?
	Oh, dude.
	No, there's good shit.
	There's like fried yucca.
	There's Mofongo is Dominican.
	Funche.
	Bianda.
	Baca La Alfrito.
	What's baca elfrito?
	It's fried, deep fried.
	Oh, it's so good.
	Oh, it's so good.
	so good.
	Oh, God, it's so good.
	Oh, my God.
	It's good.
	Baca El Frito.
	But a bucket of El Fritos.
	I know Gary likes a big bucket of Fritos.
	Are there Puerto Rican restaurants?
	Yep.
	Sure are.
	Name one.
	Well, it's probably like a Puerto Rican restaurant in New York.
	There's Minas.
	Minas is pretty good.
	Oh, Pernil is pork.
	That's Minil.
	It's a type of pork with their sofrito, which is a bunch of spices.
	Sofrito, so fucking what?
	More like.
	Hey.
	That's very nice.
	Puerto Rico.
	Not that there's a ton of English restaurants, Scottish restaurants, although McDonald's is a successful chain.
	Or Canadian restaurants.
	Although there is Mile End, the Montreal restaurant that serves Montreal bagels and putin.
	So what's that?
	They got food down.
	That looks fucking gross, dude.
	Yeah, right.
	A bunch of rice and beans, and then it's like a cow's dick.
	There's no cow's dick.
	That's just like random pieces of butcher meat that no one else wants.
	Plantains?
	They love plantains.
	Fry's a banana.
	Gross.
	This looks like...
	Look at that.
	Look at that pile of food.
	It's a little salad.
	No, it's not.
	It's a pile of food.
	All food sucks outside of the West.
	And Puerto Rican's not Western.
	Sorry, folks.
	Pasquale.
	It's like Israel and the Middle East.
	Oh, wait till you try the food.
	I don't know why I'm being Mexican for that.
	Oh, you have to try the food in Israel.
	It's so good.
	Have you tried the red thing?
	Yeah, it's cut up tomatoes.
	Why everyone calls it the red thing or the red sauce?
	And then you just dip your shit into it with your pita bread.
	It's exactly like you woke up at four in the morning and you're having leftovers.
	And then I look at everyone else's food and it's fucking broth or Mexican food.
	Oh, you don't like illegal aliens, huh?
	Okay, say goodbye to tacos.
	Bye, tacos.
	Nice meeting you.
	You ever heard of something called half a fag?
	It's half a sandwich.
	And you eat it, oh, you're eating it.
	It's falling everywhere.
	Look at this pile of shit.
	Someone put some dead pig and a banana and came on it.
	It's dope.
	I don't want that with some fucking miscarriage on the top.
	An octopus miscarriage?
	No, thanks.
	It's good.
	No, it's not.
	It's a fucking jizz pork banana.
	Not interested.
	I don't even know how to eat that.
	I don't know you.
	I guess I just have to match it up in a blender and drink it.
	How did you know the name?
	What's this pile of food?
	How'd you know the name of it, though?
	It's a pile of egg, pile of potatoes, and then some shit on some stuff.
	Shit on a cheeseburger.
	You could hand someone, if they're running the New York Marathon, you could go, hey, I know you're kind of hungry.
	Try this.
	And be like, thanks, dude.
	Have like four good bites, throw it away.
	Hot dog.
	Try handing a marathon runner a taco or this bullshit.
	What is this?
	Fucking weird, dumb potato bun with shavings of bullshit.
	And again, more come.
	Nobody wants that.
	It does kind of look like Star Wars food.
	Hey, world.
	No one likes your food.
	Oh, come on, man.
	Chinese food.
	Chinese food that you and I eat is heavily Americanized Chinese food.
	Go to China if you want to eat Chinese food.
	And I hope you love millipedes.
	I hope you love a turtle sitting in hot water with nothing else to it.
	It's not broken up and deep fried.
	It's just a hot turtle.
	A dead hot turtle.
	Want a dead hot turtle in dead hot turtle water?
	Go to China.
	Want fucking live baby mice.
	You know what they call it?
	Two squeaks.
	One squeak as I pick it up with my chopsticks, which are retarded.
	Your cutlery is two pens?
	That's pathetic.
	You know what my cutlery is?
	Oh my God.
	I have a spoon for scooping up stuff.
	I have a fork for poking stuff.
	And I have a knife for cutting stuff.
	Perfect combo.
	I don't even use a spoon.
	I'm not a soup guy.
	So I just need to.
	You have sticks.
	Are you a fucking caveman?
	Look at that.
	You stick your sticks into a fucking grasshopper.
	What are you at, Abbo?
	Sticks?
	When did we graduate from sticks?
	I'm going to be generous and say a thousand years ago.
	No, play them playing their sticks.
	This is an Aboriginal musical instrument, and it's not that different from chopsticks.
	And meanwhile, China's 40,000 years old.
	You've had 40,000 years to beat me, and I fucking creamed you with my super fork.
	Look, she sneezes.
	He laughs, thinking she's laughing.
	Then she laughs because he laughed.
	They're drunk.
	That's not an instrument.
	That's barely two sticks.
	Even within the stick community, those are shit.
	It's not a song.
	You're mumbling.
	You know how they cook their food?
	They like to do this.
	It's a traditional way, the Aboriginal, Australian Aboriginal way to cook food.
	You take, oh, we should probably print out our sponsors at some point.
	I've been on this xenophobic rant now for 15 minutes.
	They smoke out iguanas or lizards or whatever's down there by lighting a brush fire.
	The lizards come out and then they get into an elaborate process called throwing the lizard in a fire.
	That's it.
	Not even a spit roast.
	Just throw the lizard in the fire.
	So yes, the lizard burns to death, burns alive.
	Its outer skin is charred.
	And then I guess the inner skin isn't too bad if you get it out in time.
	But like, that's cave shit.
	Sorry.
	And again, I'm shitting on everyone equally.
	If you think this is racist, I would like to emphasize how disgusting all of Eastern Europe is.
	Fucking Romania.
	Home of the gypsies.
	Oh my God, Romania.
	What a fucking Hellhole.
	Homeless people with tumors dancing and laughing on the street as they slip at each other's vomit.
	I don't even think there's such a thing as Romanian food, is there?
	It's gypsy food.
	Yeah, gypsy food.
	Whatever I stole off the back of a truck.
	Goulash?
	Looks like whoever ordered that got gypped.
	What is gypsy food?
	It's just like...
	It's just a bunch of other foods stolen from other people.
	Look up Romanian cuisine.
	I bet it's nothing.
	I bet it's just an empty plate with some snow on it.
	They always look the same, don't they?
	Oh, some broth.
	You know, in Scotland where I'm from, we were so impoverished and we had such little arable land that we'd literally have a pot in our fucking mud hut, and you just throw in like a goat eye and some bread or what, no, bread, if you wish.
	You just throw garbage in there and it would just be bubbling in.
	And when you're hungry, you just grab a spoon and eat out of the pile of garbage.
	So, can you fix the monitor?
	So you could have a goat eye, ostensibly, you could have a goat eye pop into your mouth that was 40 years old.
	And I heard of some pathetic Southeast Asian countries that had the same thing.
	And they have some restaurant that's still going and it's had the same broth for something like 40, 50 years.
	So that crazy, disgusting scenario I just brought up in Scotland also happens in Southeast Asia, which is unforgivable over there because they couldn't possibly have more arable land than Southeast Asia.
	Jesus Christ.
	I bet if you took a shit in Cambodia and came back the next day, there'd be a bamboo tree there saying thanks.
	This scary pot of soup has been cooking for 45 years.
	Call me old-fashioned.
	That's fucking gross.
	So this is why I'm a Western chauvinist.
	The West is the best.
	It's not racist because there's plenty.
	Hey, other countries.
	You literally make me dry heap.
	Welcome to stupidest name in the world.
	Stop, stop, stop.
	Let's go back.
	What if you ever get your New York taxi license?
	How am I going to fit that on your ID?
	Your first name is Natapong, which is basically the Mike of Cambodia.
	And your second name is Kaowin Utawang.
	Natapong Kawinutawong.
	That's a shitty name.
	Natapong Kawinutawong.
	I met a guy in Egypt, from Egypt, I should say, who told me that they do this thing that idiots here at America are just trying out now with hyphenated names.
	So Gavin McInnes marries Ryan Rivera.
	His kids are Julie McInnis-Rivera.
	Well, that's pretty dumb, but okay.
	I guess we won't give her a middle name.
	Then she gets married to a guy who has a hyphenated name.
	Now that kid has four names.
	Well, now you're just listing off names of your fucking parents when we meet, which is gay.
	But in Egypt, that's what they do.
	And so you'll have an ID form, like you'll be filling out an application, and the name will go across the top down the side of the paper because you have 140 last names.
	Everywhere else sucks.
	Europe, parts of South America, not Central America, it sucks.
	North America, obviously Britain, Australia.
	And then there's some scatterings of Africa, like where's the place where they still speak Aramaic or whatever Jesus' language is?
	Is that Armenia or Albania or something?
	They're included.
	I would actually, I'm starting to think Japan, the paragon of the East, is more Western than many Western countries.
	We may just have to include Japan in the West.
	Hitler did.
	Hitler should.
	So maybe not.
	He did.
	He was like, they're Aryans.
	Well, if you do what Hitler does, then you're a Nazi.
	Yeah.
	I can't believe toilet paper.
	How have we forgiven Japan?
	I don't get it.
	And Germany.
	Because it was fucking half a century ago.
	What do you want us to do?
	We haven't forgiven slavery.
	We had war tribunals.
	We had them all killed.
	We didn't forgive slavery, and that happened longer than that ago.
	Yeah, good point.
	It's weird.
	It was 400 years ago.
	You know what I saw in the paper today, by the way?
	You know who we're really pissed at right now, speaking of slavery?
	Who that?
	You ready for the biggest dick ever?
	Who's super antiquated?
	Oh, my God.
	Is there anyone more out of touch than William Shakespeare?
	I'm not joking.
	I didn't see that coming.
	An increasing number of woke teachers, and thank God woke has finally become an insult, are refusing to include the bard in their curricula, claiming his classic works promote misogyny, racism, homophobia.
	They promote it, classism, anti-Semitism, and, well, they write misogynoir.
	Misogyny noir?
	Is that a typo?
	Type in misogynoir.
	So it's M-I-S-O-G-Y-N-O-I-R.
	Misogynoire.
	That's like misogyny, but it's like a fancy art film.
	Wait, what is misogynoir?
	Is that like black and white misogynist?
	The specific hatred, dislike, distrust, and prejudice toward black woman.
	I fucking knew it.
	I've never heard this before.
	Me neither.
	So is it, are you a misogynoirist if you make fun of Tessica for putting gorilla glue in her hair?
	Of course.
	Misagenoir.
	Misogenoire.
	Misogenoire.
	Sounds faint like air.
	Misogenoire.
	Sounds like somebody who likes opera a lot.
	I'm a misagenoir myself when it comes to opera.
	I'm a misogynoir.
	What a fucking retarded word.
	Don't make bad stuff.
	Boy, we learned a lot of stuff on this show live on the air.
	Speaking of live on the air, today's book is Unmasked by Andy No.
	It's a great book, but I have a problem with these kind of books when they're so on the nose.
	Like, I want every liberal in America to read this.
	I want everyone, all these boomer-angry woman liberals to read it.
	I'm reading it and I'm like, yeah, I know.
	Uh-huh.
	Yeah, that's true.
	No, I remember that.
	Yeah, I know that happened, Andy.
	And I also can remember the quotes.
	So here's an incredibly petty thing, and I don't want to shit on such a fantastic book with such a petty observation.
	But on page six, and Tucker was just making fun of Jill Biden's dissertation, and it is a fucking shit show.
	She says things like, if you're in a classroom in America, half the class will be Hispanic, a quarter will be black, a quarter will be white, and then there will be another quarter.
	And she starts listing like seven quarters of people.
	She also talks about in her dissertation that maybe we have to get to the point where we have an eight-week study week, where I guess we cram eight weeks into one week.
	So if we're going to make fun of people for typos, this typo drove me bananas.
	And again, it's a petty thing to say about a good book, a great book, a very important book that I would love it if this was taught in schools.
	I'd love it if everyone in America could read it.
	It's not radical at all.
	It's very benign.
	This wouldn't be unusual to be read in a classroom.
	It's not like these motherfuckers are burning down the country.
	I hope they all die.
	I'd love to stab them in their cunt and or balls.
	It's not like that.
	It's just like, and then Owejibwe, you know his weird gay Vietnamese voice?
	Of course.
	Awejibwe, they were mad at people for challenging them, even though they had been challenging people for a very long time.
	So it's very, I find it to be very centrist, actually.
	But anyway, here's a line.
	House Judiciary Committee Chairman Gerald Nadler.
	He doesn't even say Jerry Nadler.
	That's how sort of politically correct he is.
	Called the movement imagery during a congressional debate.
	Now, Ryan, you're too dumb to know anything in the world, but Jerry Nadler never called Antifa imagery.
	He called them imaginary.
	Oh.
	And he reiterated that on the street with Fleckus, which is how I remember it, where he said it's a figment of our imagination or something.
	So that fucking pissed me off.
	I even looked at the publisher to see if it was some like, you know, homemade thing because no one would want to print it because there's so much controversy about this book.
	But I think it made to the number three New York Times bestseller list.
	Imaginary, Andy.
	Imaginary.
	No one says Antifa's imagery, you fucker.
	Yeah, there it is.
	That's a myth.
	So he called it imaginary?
	Look at his body, by the way.
	That's true.
	What is that?
	If you made a puppet of that in puppet school, you'd fail.
	About Antifa in Portland?
	Your marionette prof would dump you.
	Look at him.
	Ba doodly dump.
	Imagine him nude?
	Who fucks him?
	Does anyone fuck him?
	It gets crazy, Mr. Nadler.
	Politics is Hollywood for ugly people.
	Gravity's fucking him in this video.
	It's like someone dared him.
	Bet you can't get fucked in the ass and walk at the same time.
	Oh, yeah?
	Me not doing that is imagery.
	He also says whom a lot, which is a pet peeve of mine.
	But anyway, I edited a magazine for many years, so I'm very finicky about stupid mistakes.
	Don't let that influence you.
	Oh, my God, that woman deserves a fucking Nobel Dick Prize in cocksucking.
	That poor both of them.
	You want to come to them and go, who fucks you guys?
	And they go, we do.
	And you go, wow.
	Why?
	We do.
	Yes.
	Why do you guys fuck?
	Wouldn't you both rather just get prostitutes?
	I'll pay for it.
	But yeah, it's a good sort of A to Z on how Antifa's not just an idea.
	It blows out myths like they don't have a death toll.
	Yes, they absolutely do.
	And it explains their grand plan, which is to destroy America.
	No borders, no wall, no USA at all.
	And I love this new assertion from Paul Joseph Watson, where he calls them the lumpen bourgeoisie, which is not included in this, and says that they're not the lumpen proletariat as they purport to be, but they're the lumpen bourgeoisie in that their parents are boomers.
	They come from a meritocracy where you're rich because you busted your ass.
	You had a great education because the greatest generation created your education.
	But these kids are 250K in debt, a quarter mil in debt from NYU, totally skillless.
	They know words like intersectionality that no one on earth in the real world says outside of academia.
	And they realize that.
	And they realize, my mom and dad aren't going to support me forever.
	I want to just drive off a cliff like Thelma and Louise.
	And so they do.
	Lampen bourgeoisie.
	Lumpen bourgeoisie.
	Misogenoire.
	By the way, are there even black women in?
	I forgot to mention this.
	We all know when Shakespeare's from, right?
	Same time as slavery.
	The 1600s.
	400 years ago, this guy was old-fashioned.
	Dude, if you rode to work today in a spaceship and you were wearing all Lycra and your name is X13428 and for lunch, you injected a UV into your arm, you are going to be known as painfully old-fashioned in 400 fucking years.
	Jesus H. Half a millennia?
	They say he was bi.
	Oh, good.
	That might save his career.
	The other funny thing about this, too, is if you told Shakespeare, hey, man, people in 400 years are going to think you're old-fashioned.
	He'd go like, I don't give a fuck.
	I'm trying to pay my bills.
	He was basically a soap opera writer at the time.
	That's their only entertainment.
	So he was just churning out the plays, and he was happy that they were popular, maybe because there was nothing else going on.
	And then he probably thought, if people still knew about my plays in 50 years, I'd come in my pants.
	Come on, man.
	But 400 years, my bones will be ash.
	I got my ashes today, by the way.
	I saw a kid in the lineup, like a three-year-old.
	And the whole purpose of your ashes is you came from ash and you're going back to ash.
	And I was like, don't, please don't give your kid ashes.
	He's only not been ash for like four years.
	He was dust in your balls.
	All we are is dust in the balls.
	All we are is dust in the balls.
	Dust in the balls.
	Three or four years ago.
	How about we let him get to this age before we remind him that you're going to fucking die?
	That was another part I didn't really like about it.
	Hey, just a reminder.
	You're going to be fucking ashes.
	Yeah, yeah, I know.
	Can we not dwell on that?
	He's like, you could change your diet, but otherwise, I'm going to make a really dark one.
	There was some people, some churches were using a Q-tip.
	Oh, man.
	My buddy's church, they sprinkle the shit in your hair.
	What?
	And then our guy had the thumb and the rub, and then he would wipe like a disinfectant towel thing and then do another one.
	I'm going to spread COVID from my ashy forehead to your ashy forehead.
	Isn't ash like carbon?
	It's a great absorbent.
	It's not really known for transmitting disease.
	God, you should have seen the old lady lighting the candles too.
	Her legs, her legs, her hands were rocks, right?
	Until she got up to light the candle and she had like one of these Bic extension things and she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	And it was so, I guess it was like Parkinson's.
	And we're all watching like, and then she gives up on the Bic and she lights a match and it was just like, it was like naked and afraid in a hailstorm.
	Just and then she kept trying to get it on the candle and she was about to burn her finger.
	So she said, blow it out.
	So I go, okay, so you have like Billy Connolly level Parkinson's.
	And then I see her walking and I'm watching her hands like a hawk and they're just like dead rock mittens.
	So why is it when you go to light, you start freaking out?
	And then I told Maddie this and he goes, why don't you go help her?
	I was like, it's not really like, it's not like she was at the back.
	She was at the very front by the steps with all the Jesus and everything.
	And I'm going to get up and walk up two like white ivory steps and go, you need to end with that?
	Yeah, no, I can't.
	Not really that.
	No.
	That's like getting on stage and helping a fucking, helping, who was it who fell off the stage and really fucked himself up?
	Oh, the Foo Fighter Sky Dig role.
	All right, so we're supposed to get this in within the first five minutes.
	We managed to get it in within the first 30 minutes while we're ending the free portion of the show.
	Johnny Apple CBD, proud patriot-owned, our first guys here.
	First and last, apparently.
	jacbd.com.
	Enter promo code Gavin.
	20% off all orders.
	Cannot recommend enough the CBD, the topical for when your muscles ache.
	But there's also the vape.
	There's also the tinctures to take the edge off your coffee.
	There's also the gummies to help you sleep at night, relax.
	Say you wake up in the middle of the night and you have the terrors or you're just staring at the ceiling worried about life.
	Take the gummies.
	Take the concentrates, the topical I just mentioned.
	I don't know what the Aphrodite is.
	I guess I should if I'm marketing it.
	They got merch, galore.
	And, you know, pot makes you feel good.
	And a lot of that is the THC because it gets you high.
	A lot of that isn't the THC.
	There's something magical about pot devoid of the illegal part of it.
	So try this out.
	JohnnyApple.com.
	And if you're a CBD user, why are you using anything but these guys have been supporting us since the day we started and all our advertisers get hassled?
	But they say, fuck you.
	Go ahead and hassle me.
	Well, we're going to boycott you.
	Good.
	I'm brave.
	I don't care if you fire me.
	I'm here to cause trouble if that's what needs be.
	I'm not going to bend the knee.
	They say, get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Yeah, so the church was weird.
	I'm going to give up hard liquor for 40 days.
	Which I should be doing anyway.
	I don't get my money's worth out of hard liquor.
	It's like fucking heroin.
	Oh, you put together your gun?
	Oh, yeah.
	These are awesome.
	Let's see.
	Thank you to Jason, right?
	His name's Jason?
	I think so.
	These are the GOAT guns.
	Hope I'm not a fool.
	Well, you can.
	It's by Tim.
	I'm sorry.
	Tim is the guy who made our awesome War Vet sculpture.
	Which is beautiful.
	What a talented guy.
	And you know what I like about this is you look like a useless fag, which is totally accurate.
	I think I look pretty cool.
	Look at this.
	So what's that one?
	AR-15.
	That's an assault rifle.
	That's a military-style assault rifle.
	Those should be banned.
	Why do you need that many rounds?
	You're just shooting a deer.
	How many people are you going to kill?
	Do the bullets come out?
	No.
	But you can disengage the magazine.
	There's individual bullets in there, individual bullets.
	So it's so cool when you load them up there.
	You know what I looked up today?
	We had the 50 cal at home, and my son was like, what's the longest that this has ever shot?
	And I said a mile.
	But that was ancient Chinese secret.
	That was from years and years ago.
	Now it's 2.2 miles.
	Wow.
	Is the longest.
	I'm talking about a kill.
	I don't mean they hit a target.
	I mean like would you even hear the probably after you get hit?
	2.2 miles.
	You probably hear the poo because the speed of sound.
	And then the jihadists go, hear that gunshot?
	I'm glad we...
	Your friend's fucking jihadist head blows off.
	So I looked it up and it was, yeah, it was all like 2.2 miles.
	That was the norm.
	Two, around two.
	3,800 yards.
	But I couldn't help but notice they were all white males.
	And mostly Scottish, Australian, Canadian.
	I don't know what that means.
	But that is a pattern I noticed that no one else would mention.
	And to stay focused takes an incredible amount of courage and self-discipline.
	But time running out.
	Harrison.
	How long does it take?
	More than a mile and a half stand between Harrison and his.
	A mile and a half.
	That's nothing.
	This is an old one.
	Harrison takes 2.2 miles.
	And fire.
	That's like from here to Times Square.
	One Taliban machine gunner dead.
	Good.
	I wasted a lot of time worrying about Islam.
	Little did I know socialism and China.
	China.
	Would be a much bigger threat to America.
	I guess because I'm so British and I'd be talking to Tommy Robinson.
	I was like, uh-oh, I don't want what happened to you to happen here.
	Let's hope we don't have an influx of jihadists.
	And we didn't.
	Muslims are 1% of the population.
	But communists, they're getting close to 50.
	That's a lot of fucking pinkos.
	Also in the news, very important story.
	I forgot to mention this the other day.
	We were listening to Mitch Hedberg in the car, which is kind of bad because he swears.
	And you don't want your eight-year-old to be hearing fucking all the time.
	But Johnny, my eight-year-old, sitting in his booster seat after we turned it off, started doing his own Mitch Hedberg.
	And he said, and I quote, this is my son doing Mitch Hedberg.
	What is Elmo?
	Is he a monkey?
	I do not know what he is.
	Is he a dog?
	Oh, shit.
	That's what he would say, too.
	That's a Mitch Hedberg.
	Totally, yeah.
	I was so proud of my boy.
	What is Elmo?
	Is he a monkey?
	And I was like, you couldn't have heard that before.
	You've never heard Mitch Hedberg before.
	He's never talked about Elmo, to my knowledge.
	I think he started swearing later on in his career.
	I remember one time his girlfriend, who I'm told fed him the heroine that killed him, was criticizing me online once.
	And back when I was on Twitter, I could go, yeah, didn't you kill Mitch Hedberg?
	Pat Dixon was in on that.
	You don't bother digging it up.
	It'll take forever.
	But play a little bit of Mitch so people know what we're talking about.
	What is Elmo?
	I used to draw you.
	Mitchell's hand, tracing.
	Oh, no, a turkey.
	You know, if you had a couple fingers missing, you would draw a screwed up turkey.
	That turkey wasn't an accident.
	I've got a lot of bars when I'm under road.
	A lot of bars have black lights.
	When a bar has black lights, everybody looks very cool.
	Except for me.
	Because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
	I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet.
	Because Pizza Hut will accept all competitors' coupons.
	That makes me wish I had my own pizza place.
	Pizza Place.
	Mitch's Pizzeria.
	This week's coupon, unlimited free pizza.
	Then you go bankrupt.
	Special note.
	Coupon not go to any of the Mitch's Pizza locations.
	Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke.
	Should we get...
	Oh, yeah, here's one other thing before we get involved in the news.
	We have to have a news thing.
	Okay, folks at home was making us our news bumper.
	News.
	Is that stupid?
	Yeah, let's kill the dude.
	I changed my mind.
	Stop.
	Wait, is that going to be do, do, do, do, do?
	Let's see.
	Here, let's just both go do, do, do, do, do a bunch.
	Not like nerd were.
	And then they can make the thing.
	Ready?
	Go.
	News.
	Please work with that, folks at home.
	But before we get into that, holy fucking Howard Stern and his cunt wife, he, just like he criticized everyone for, he dumped his wife, abandoned his children for a trophy wife.
	She obviously has trouble with her maternal instincts, so he has her working at a kitten rescue where they have, I don't know, 37 cats in their house.
	So that quells her maternal instinct, but she's got the money.
	He's making 90 million a year, so she can go shopping and go on fun trips.
	But when you get a trophy wife, ask Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman, et cetera.
	They want to be invited to dinner parties.
	And you don't get invited to Chelsea Handler's or Sarah Silverman or fucking Bill Maher's dinner party if you're rational and you want a small government and you don't trust big tech.
	Look at this silly cow.
	My pet tail.
	Are you eight?
	So this is Clobber.
	He was born with one eye.
	You know where Clobber belongs?
	In the garbage disposal.
	Let him go.
	We got a lot of cats.
	He needs to be in the oldest stew ever.
	Hey, Beth, I have a mouse in my house with one eye.
	Should you give him surgery?
	Like, it's animals.
	We just make more.
	Throw him off a cliff.
	Do him a favor.
	Do you want to give a fucking cat liver transplant surgery?
	Where do you draw the line?
	So he had glaucoma.
	Turn it up.
	And his heart is as strong as ever, and he helps me in the foster room take care of the kittens.
	He's like a papa to all of my fosters.
	He grooms them.
	He corrals them back into the foster room if they escape.
	He literally does my job when I leave the foster room.
	He takes over.
	And he has a job.
	Owning kittens is just people without allergies hanging around at home.
	It's not a thing.
	Yoda.
	Wouldn't he like to be part of a 45-year-old broth legacy?
	She's a vegetarian.
	But isn't she freaked out that I had a chicken sandwich for lunch?
	Like, that's a chicken I ate.
	I don't get the rules of these.
	What about in China, where Asia?
	Where they're all eating dogs and cats right now?
	Super chill.
	Like, shouldn't you be waving a sword, running through Asia like you're fucking Genghis Khan?
	Screaming and killing everyone?
	Good boy.
	Anyway, there's no logic to a trophy wife's tiny brain.
	See, that's why these big stars are total cucks because they're just appeasing their wives.
	So his shit was, and this is a common liberal take on Texas failing yesterday.
	No, Texas didn't fail because of liberals and solar power and wind energy.
	Texas failed because of infrastructure.
	And AOC also argued this.
	She went even further.
	She said that what happened in Texas is an argument for the Green New Deal.
	Now, allow me to help you out with this because I speak asshole.
	There was wind power and there was solar, right?
	The solar didn't work because it was covered in snow.
	The wind turbines didn't work because they froze.
	So what you should have had is some sort of giant windshield wiper scenario for the solar panels.
	Somehow the solar energy, and by the way, I lived in a solar house.
	I bought a house off of hippie in Costa Rica when we first sold Vice in 99.
	Me and Shane, the co-founder, split on it.
	It was expensive.
	I think it was like $220,000.
	I think we paid $120 each.
	Maybe that was Canadian at the time.
	But living under solar power, and solar guys will tell you, oh, that was back in 2000.
	It's awesome now.
	Sure it is.
	But you were just living on borrowed time.
	It was like shekels.
	And if you did your laundry that day in your tiny little laundry machine, say goodbye to listening to music that night.
	Or say goodbye to Christmas lights.
	Like every piece of electricity was coveted.
	And if you were frivolous, like you fucking blared music in the morning, well, just tonight is a caveman's night.
	And the fridge, it couldn't handle the fridge.
	The fridge was propane-powered.
	And then we got a pool eventually and we just had to fucking give up.
	But anyway, solar power sucks.
	This desk might charge your iPhone.
	Maybe.
	Probably not.
	You see these stupid backpacks that have solar power on them?
	They might charge one of your pubes if you had Verizon Fios for pubes.
	Maybe not the best example.
	But I think that phone would probably have to be outside for three days to fucking charge.
	It's absolutely ridiculous.
	Solar is a waste of time.
	Sorry.
	And anyone who's making money in solar is making money off of government grants.
	They're not actually making money in the real free market.
	So anyway, I guess AOC and Howard Stern's plan is that there's this giant, I don't know, like wipers that come down.
	They're not going to be able to handle ice and sleet, so they can only handle like powdery snow.
	But anyway, the power for the is definitely 110% of what the solar panels themselves are creating.
	So that's infrastructure, according to AOC and Stern.
	And then for the fucking wind turbines, I don't know, you have like tubes of antifreeze that come out and maybe start spraying all the gears when it gets too cold out.
	You had natural gas.
	You had fracking.
	Everything was going great until the cunts are in control.
	But Stern wouldn't stop talking today about, you idiots.
	Everyone's so stupid to him too.
	These people don't believe in science.
	They believe in freedom, but you need the government.
	You need the government for energy.
	And I just, can you not have someone on there on your show to go, actually, no, you don't.
	Energy thrives in the free market, and it's hampered by the government.
	How do you think we got to fracking in the first place?
	And then someone called up from, and he's talking about Hillbilly.
	You know he resents the South, right?
	Same way he resents Germans because he blames them for World War II.
	He's a northerner.
	He's a New Yorker in the most traditional, shitty liberal sense.
	But he knows a huge swath of his argument are Southerners, so that's why he has that guy Richard on to try to help them.
	But the guy calls up a Texan and he has a Southern accent.
	So he's a fucking idiot, right?
	Anyone with that accent is dumb.
	Everyone with a Jewish Long Island accent is smart.
	That's the way intelligence works.
	So the guy calls up, he's from Texas, and he's like, yeah, you're really going on about Texans and how bad we are at electing people and how we got to elect people with a brain.
	What about your guy, Cuomo?
	What about your buddy Cuomo?
	And then Stern goes, look, I'm not a politician.
	I don't know politics.
	I made my career doing fart jokes and talking about I am Jazz's pussy.
	Like I shouldn't be talking.
	And then the Texan goes, the dumb Texan goes, oh, how convenient.
	Now that it doesn't work out for you and your buddies, then now you don't know about politics anymore.
	And you're just shooting from the hip.
	You don't know what's going on.
	And I was just like, I was surprised actually that Baba Bowie let that caller through because he fucking summarized Howard Stern's hypocrisy perfectly.
	Infrastructure.
	How about fucking gas?
	Oil and gas?
	Coal, fracking.
	Texans would have had new problems this week if they had access to fucking energy.
	Okay, I haven't even started the show yet.
	We have 15 minutes left.
	What is a Elmo?
	Is it a monkey?
	Monkeys are not red.
	Where did he get red from?
	What is his nose?
	Is his nose separate?
	Why is it not hairy?
	And his other friends look weird too.
	Why is he friends with humans?
	How can he count?
	Does he have a girlfriend?
	How does that work?
	Is it like Jerry Nadler where no one can bear to fuck him?
	Is he a child?
	Holy shit, remember that his sidekick?
	You probably like him because you are an infant.
	Hi, I'm Almo.
	But whenever his buddy would come out, the clown guy with the vest.
	Because I would have to watch it with all three kids over the years.
	I've seen a lot of Agenalmo.
	Mr. Noodles.
	Mr. Noodles.
	And I would look at Mr. Noodles and just think, dude, I think I'd rather do gay porn than live your life.
	Sometimes we had to listen to, what's it called?
	Kids Place Live in the car when my kids were younger.
	And I would just think of all these people on their acoustic guitars going, and B is a letter that's got your number.
	The number is two in the alphabet.
	Hey!
	And I would just think, like, God bless them.
	My kids adore them, and they've enriched my children's lives.
	But how the fuck could you make children's music for a living?
	Slow-mo Joe is kind of slow, you know, ho.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Never really had very much get up and go-ho-ho.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I would go fucking insane.
	I really would.
	I'm Lucky.
	And I'm Anthony.
	And I'm going to kill myself.
	It's party day in Wiggletown.
	Oh, gee, whiz wiggles.
	It's party day in Wiggletown, which means we have party balloons.
	Oh, gee, whiz wiggles.
	It's party day in Wiggletown, which means party balloons.
	Look at that guy smiling with a blue shirt.
	That's your life.
	That's your job.
	I would have nightmares every night.
	It's worse than doing a musical.
	Is that a midget?
	Oh no, it's her hair in his pants.
	Again, I'm glad this exists.
	I want my two-year-old to have something to look at.
	But I honestly don't get you people.
	How can you do this?
	And kids don't appreciate this level of...
	Like, they don't.
	This is basically your dad is sucking a cock to make you happy.
	Like, why do any of this?
	Like, to me, this is jerking off a dude.
	That's an instrument you're born with.
	Look up Kiddio, K-I-D-D-E-O.
	I mean, women are more predisposed to do this kind of thing than men, but you're a grown man.
	There's this viral video going on of a guy in an oil rig, like moving the fucking giant pipes that go from this thing to the other thing because it already finished that well.
	And he's lifting, you know, 700 pounds.
	That's what a man should be doing.
	Driving a plane, doing open heart surgery.
	Like, those are the kind of things that young men look up to.
	Nobody looks up to a child entertainer.
	It's worse than flight attendant.
	It's even worse than male nurse.
	It's worse than chiropractor.
	Kiddio.
	K-I-D-D- Is it IO?
	It was from the 90s.
	Oh, it is old.
	Okay.
	I was making, yeah, I saw some old one.
	You saw old one?
	You went, no, that can't be it.
	Yeah, I thought it was some new one.
	It can't be the thing, though.
	No, this is not it.
	It's a band that were clearly a failed Canadian kind of a rush band.
	And so they still did the, yeah, there they are.
	They still did their same songs, but they made it like it's getting kind of, it's really apparent that it's hard to be a parent.
	They were like a hard rock.
	Here's a little trick.
	Well, Ace knows a game that we all can play.
	So listen to me and I'll show you.
	We all must clap when I do the rap called clap rap.
	Take your right hand and your left hand too.
	You start a band in order to get blown.
	That is the number one priority.
	Also to travel with your friends and get wasted.
	Maybe number six on the list is to make a song.
	These guys have a song at number one.
	Nothing else is on the list and the song is half a fag.
	All right, it's over to Buddy Goodfellow for the snap rap.
	Buddy plays a game that we all can't play.
	So listen to me and I'll show you the way.
	We all must snap when I do the rap card snap.
	When you lie in bed at night, you must feel horrible.
	I'm a fraud.
	Yeah, you just...
	And then all the people you meet if you do.
	You're not a fan.
	Dude, a fraud?
	I'd love a fraud.
	Remember the guy yesterday said, would you rather kiss Ryan's butt cheek every day?
	And I said, I'd rather give up booze?
	Yes.
	Those guys are kissing kids' butt cheeks, metaphorically.
	Basically, right.
	And also when you meet your fans, it's like, oh my god, like Steve from Blues Clues or The Wiggles.
	You know, you have to meet very...
	Steve fucked a girl that fucked the Blues Clues guy.
	Steve.
	I don't know if it was Steve.
	There's been a few.
	And apparently he would just inhale.
	There he is.
	Steve from Blue Schools.
	I'm told that that guy would just inhale mountains of cannabis.
	And that I understand.
	Yeah, that makes sense.
	Very rarely.
	Does anyone think that I'm Steve from Blue Schools?
	We put it in our note because they're whose clues?
	Who's clues?
	I look so much more like Paul Schaefer.
	I get recognized as the bass player from OKGo.
	When I'm in shape and skinny, people think I'm Moby.
	Everyone always asks why I left Blues Clues.
	I was just getting older, you know?
	I mean, I was losing my hair.
	It was just time, you know.
	Yeah, you got fired for going by.
	It's usually not.
	Like, I remember when it first happened, my mom called me crying to be.
	He seems like a pretty good guy.
	Which is probably why he could no longer do blues clues.
	Speaking of good guys, Rush Limbaugh croaked.
	Poor bastard.
	I don't think people, even at my age, you kind of have to be 55 to recognize the impact that Rush Limbaugh had.
	Rush Limbaugh was around pre-Fox News, and you think that conservatives are being sequestered now?
	No, that's been going on for a long fucking time.
	And so we were driven, we didn't have Fox News, and I say we, I wasn't even really conservative then, but our not lefts, as I like to call us, were driven away into the outskirts.
	And it was like, no, you can't do TV, you can't do newsprint, we don't want you to have a voice at all.
	And then someone went, what about talk radio?
	And they went, what, hoodieo?
	Do you mean the band Kiddio?
	Yeah, you can be in Kideo.
	Well, I didn't say that.
	I said talk radio, but sure, okay.
	And so not only did Rush take a dead medium like talk radio and let conservatives bloom there until I don't like there wouldn't be GOML.
	There wouldn't, I don't think there'd be Opi and Anthony without Rush Limbaugh.
	He sort of created a space where you could not kiss ass the way that Howard Stern does and talk about how you need big government and you need infrastructure.
	He sort of invented the concept of a safe space for the not lefts.
	And not only did he do that, but he fucking kicked ass at it.
	So he, talk radio before Fox News was the only place you could go to not get bombarded with leftist dogma.
	And not only did he have a little hideout like me or Michael Savage or Adam Carolla, but he made it as big as mainstream media.
	That was the thing.
	They threw him in the garbage and said, you can go take a shit in there, you fucking homeless piece of shit.
	And he built it into the Taj Mahal.
	And then all of a sudden, everyone's peeking into the dumpster going, wow, it's nice in here.
	What, did he die of lung cancer?
	Yep.
	You know, people think he was snatched away from us.
	He was.
	But 70 is, I'm not going to be screaming at anyone if I go at 70.
	I'd like to go to 80, but 75, I think, is what all men my age are hoping for.
	70, pretty good run.
	And as you can see here, getting the, whatever it's called, the Guy is Awesome award from the president.
	What's that called?
	The Medal of Honor?
	There you got it.
	The Guy is Awesome Award.
	The Guy is Awesome Award.
	So you accomplished a lot.
	And I saw, of course, the left is dancing on its grave as they're want to do.
	I would like to think that we don't do that.
	Maybe I'm wrong.
	Maybe you can create a montage of me shitting on dead liberals.
	I don't think so.
	I don't like to do that.
	But liberals, good riddance, I think, is trending on Twitter right now.
	I wouldn't say I was happy that Rush Lima died.
	It's more like euphoria, says a faculty member at Yale Law.
	You know, the impartial Yale Law School where they're focused on the Constitution and the law.
	He was a terrible person.
	You know, the only thing they can come up with, too, to say he was a terrible person?
	He said that maybe one of the reasons that Michael J. Fox has such bad Parkinson's is because of Coke.
	Okay.
	Prove him wrong.
	Billy Conley has Parkinson's.
	That might be Coke related too.
	A lot of people who partied hard in the 80s are going like this, not including the woman who was trying to light candles at my church today.
	So disprove it.
	Another thing too, when Howard Stern was bitching about science and how important it is, he goes, you got these fucking rednecks.
	Oh yeah, I didn't finish that story.
	You got these rednecks saying that we should have more carbon dioxide because it'll give more plant life.
	Yeah, I've heard scientists talk about that.
	Patrick Green, I think his name is, the guy who started Greenpeace or Earth First or whatever, the Canadian guy, fucking genius.
	He talks about how important carbon monoxide, dioxide, carbon dioxide is to our environment and how crucial it is and how we need it.
	So if you're going to shit on people who don't follow the science, maybe have a rebuttal.
	So that's the worst Rush Limbaugh did was criticize Michael J. Fox.
	Oh, let's let him rot in hell.
	This is another funny one I saw.
	Oh yeah, wait, wait.
	Did I finish the thing?
	The science, Texan, he's so stupid.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then he started saying, I fucking, and he started calling the guy fuckface.
	And then he goes, I'm trying to save people here.
	And we got some fucking hillbilly calling in.
	Yeah, you should do that.
	That's what you'd like Cuomo.
	He got so mad that the curtain came back and he started doing a southern voice.
	Sorry, folks.
	I should have put all that story together.
	Maybe we'll do that in post.
	Oh, shit, it's a live fucking show.
	Look at the tweets about Rush Lima today and understand that people aren't being hyperbolic when they say the left wants you dead over your political beliefs.
	They really do.
	And I've said that to Ann Coulter before.
	If you ever got like brained and someone smashed a cinder block on your head and there was some incredibly gory picture of your brains hanging out, that would become a meme and there'd be like writing around your dead skull.
	Look at this one though, 1-3.
	He did it for the money.
	The thing about Rush Limbaugh is he wasn't the zealot that he came across as.
	Rush did it for the money.
	Lots of it.
	Just like Hannity and company.
	His background wasn't in politics or a political movement.
	It was making money.
	That explains the right-wing media right there.
	That statement is so full of shit.
	First of all, click on Joe Lockhart.
	Look at his face.
	Remember when I said when you get to my age, you see old guys and you don't see them as authority figures.
	You see them as the DOLT they were in high school?
	I see that DOLT.
	I see him not playing with us, not having fun, talking to a girl as a friend because he has a crush on her, but she actually just sees him as a friend and is talking to him because she likes his friend's friend.
	A fucking loser, in other words.
	Not invited to the party.
	And so much of these guys, when they finally get to contribute, it becomes revenge of the hurt.
	So his contribution is revenge of the hurt.
	But let's go back to his asinine statement, shall we?
	He's such a Joe.
	The thing about Rush Limbaugh is he wasn't the zealot that he came across as.
	Correct.
	You guys made him into a zealot because you're fucking paranoid.
	You don't get to know the people.
	For example, because one dude had a sweatshirt that's at Camp Auschwitz at the Capitol, you think every single person that went to DC on January 6th is an anti-Semite Holocaust denier because you're a fucking imbecile.
	So you create this straw man, and then you say Rush wasn't the straw man that we made him into.
	Yeah, we always knew that.
	We laughed at your depiction of Rush.
	Rush did it for the money.
	Lots of it.
	No, Rush did it for the love of the American people.
	And you know what my proof is?
	Three hours a fucking day, Joe.
	Let's see you do three hours a day, totally unscripted.
	I mean, I occasionally go off script, but I still have my little news bites here to get to.
	Alex Jones is the same way.
	Tucker Carlson writes all his own stuff, but he's still reading what he wrote.
	Rush was just like a girls' record collection.
	No rush.
	Oh my God, I got to use that joke on parlor today.
	Today, America is like a girls' record collection.
	No rush.
	Bravo.
	Why don't we do that live?
	You're going to parlay?
	Yeah, I'm going to parlor.
	In the parlay?
	You guys are going to see a live parlor.
	Once you get rid of an app, I don't know how you get it back on your shit.
	You go to the app store.
	I got to go to the app store and put it back.
	I don't know if they're allowed on the app store.
	Today, America is like a girls record collection.
	Semicolon.
	No rush.
	Are you able to go on the site?
	And then I'm going to go R.I.P. know that I like the guy.
	RIP Rush Limbaugh.
	Today America is like a girls' record collection.
	No rush.
	I'm happy with that.
	That's a send.
	Check us out at Gavin McInnes.
	So yeah, when someone sits for fucking decades and talks off the dome about how much he loves America for three hours a day, give it a whirl.
	Give it a try.
	Get back to me.
	All these people who trivialize pundits are usually talking about assholes who fart out a sound bite.
	But the ones who sit there on talk radio for hours and hours a day, you inevitably get the real guy.
	It's inevitable.
	You can't be a phony for hours and hours of fucking day.
	It's too exhausting.
	I do a funny accent sometimes.
	After about 10 minutes, I get on my own nerves and I have to go back to my own accent.
	And just because someone changed their politics or wasn't always like that, doesn't mean they're being insincere.
	I heard Michael Savage was a liberal and they go, well, he went conservative.
	Oh, then he must be lying.
	It's all an act.
	All for the money.
	Go back to that fucking irritating tweet.
	The money in America today has been since the 80s to kiss liberal ass.
	I could have made hundreds of millions more dollars than I've made if I had just always kissed lefty ass.
	I've lost money past year.
	My fucking website, censored.tv, is like a cornered rat, and we're still having to fend off all the assholes on a regular basis.
	If I came out and renounced Trump, denounced the Proud Boys, said I've been brainwashed by the right, and oh my God, I look back at the things I said, I'm disgusted.
	I love fucking Hillary and her big fat ass.
	Then that would be great.
	That would be instant bucks.
	That would be money immediately.
	Because just like the Never Trumpers in the Lincoln Project, when they're not fucking kids, they're seen as a valuable asset to the left.
	So I'd actually be more valuable than if I'd always been a liberal.
	Because it'd be like even a shithead Nazi like Gavin McInnis hates the right and hates Trump.
	But go back to his fucking thing.
	Did I cover everything?
	Like Hannity and company.
	Sean Hannity, I don't know what he's worth, half a billion?
	He probably makes $3 to $5 million at Fox a year, which is peanuts compared to how much money he's made in commercial real estate.
	He is an oligarch of real estate.
	He got in early.
	He was incredibly smart about his purchases.
	And he has some of the finest property in the Northeast, especially in New York.
	The guy is a brilliant real estate mogul.
	It's a science.
	I'm not good at it.
	I've made a couple bucks, but I talk to guys that are good at it.
	And to hear the way they talk about all these conditions to determine a good sell and a good investment, it's just, it's more complex in the stock market, I'd argue.
	And that's Hannity.
	But what does he do?
	He has his investments.
	He has people manage them.
	He flips his fucking skyrises, whatever.
	But he focuses on media because that's his passion.
	He was on a college radio station when he was in college.
	Look at the tweets go up.
	Fucking losers.
	Like the left is so into a narrative, if it sounds good.
	How disgusting is that seeing it go up?
	They're dancing on his grave by the thousands as we speak.
	Anyway, Hannity does his Fox News show.
	Then he does his radio show.
	This is not his primary source of income.
	He could easily retire.
	His kids are overachievers.
	He could be at his daughter's gymnastics or lacrosse or whatever it is, spend a lot more time with his family.
	And that is obviously his passion.
	But his real passion is media.
	And he's banned me.
	I don't have to carry water for him, but I'm not going to be ignorant and deny the truth.
	And the truth is that that guy is a fucking genius, ball-busting, overachiever, just like his kids, who doesn't need to do this.
	He's doing it because he loves it.
	And if he was stripped of everything and he only did a podcast, he'd still do it.
	Like Bill O'Reilly.
	Bill O'Reilly was stripped of everything.
	What did he do?
	He did a vid cast from his basement, even though he had more than enough money to retire on.
	So fuck you for saying that these people are just doing it for the money.
	But let's get back to that tweet.
	Just like Hannity and Company, his background wasn't into politics.
	Yeah, my background wasn't into politics at all until you fucking let Muslims blow up the World Trade Center.
	It was Making money.
	Money's so evil, isn't it?
	The only reason that person's in commercial real estate is to make money.
	Look at all those people in finance.
	They just want to make money.
	All those bankers, all those day traders, all they want to do is make money.
	Okay.
	Those people employ us, by the way.
	Make money.
	If you're making money, you must be only in it to make money.
	What a cunt Joe is.
	It actually makes me dislike Joe's, which I don't enjoy because I know a lot of good Joes.
	Signing off with a final notable quote from Joe Biden during this town hall this evening.
	Everyone knows I love kids better than people.
	Wow.
	Q suits you just fine.
	Just please stay out of pizza joints.
	Oh, I get it.
	So he's saying that all Kaylee's doing is mocking his typo.
	And his typo is that children aren't people.
	It's got nothing to do with child molestation, but he's taking it there and he's making it a common pizza thing.
	This guy's a fucking dunce.
	I've never come across him before.
	What's his job?
	CNN political analyst.
	Column comms for Clinton, whatever the fuck that means.
	That can't be good.
	No, CNN political analyst communications for Clinton.
	Clinton White House, yeah.
	Wait, is there a, should there be a comma there?
	CNN political analyst comma, communications for Clinton White House.
	Yeah, there should be a comma there, you fucking imbecile.
	Communications for Clinton, White House, Facebook, NFL, founder GPG.
	I love Hoya Beeball.
	I hate you.
	And of course, he's over at Politico if you want to check him out.
	I hope those are his grandkids.
	All right, so we have a lot of stuff here.
	We should be taking some calls shortly.
	I just wanted to show one thing.
	This is Lockhart speaking, by the way.
	President Clinton did not want the head of the FBI in office, thought that he had a political agenda against him, but he didn't fire him.
	Yeah, sure.
	I'm sure Clinton voluntarily put an arch enemy into his administration because he's just such a fair dude.
	Actually, I like Bill Clinton.
	And I don't care that he stuck a cigar up some dude, bitch's twat.
	Who hasn't?
	True.
	And he was a fiscal conservative, and I'm much more concerned with that than I am about your sexual proclivities.
	Unless you're Joe Biden.
	Well, I'm...
	Because that hurts Joe Biden.
	Sorry, I should add, with consenting adults.
	Right.
	I can't believe the job that your super helmet did.
	It's pretty cute.
	How much?
	It's pretty Q. Q?
	Q. You're abbreviating the word Q?
	I'm making it Japanese.
	Oh, cool.
	Yeah, I didn't make it a Q. Oh, it's pretty cute.
	Q. I would have fired you if you abbreviated Q to Q. No, no, no.
	I stumbled upon this.
	Go to 2-0.
	I've been.
	Wait, what are you doing?
	You want to show Rush?
	I was going to say another retarded thing.
	I'm in Q and ON, so I'm trying to stop this.
	No, not that.
	Sorry.
	1-9.
	1-9.
	I had it in the right order.
	In February, you introduced the assault weapons ban and law enforcement detection act.
	So this is CNN.
	Tucker was at CNN.
	CNN was not that bad in 2007.
	Lou Dobbs was at CNN.
	And then they decided that America should just have one side of the story at our news source.
	Now, here's the question.
	The chicken or the egg?
	Did they help polarize this country by only featuring one side?
	Or did they realize the country was headed that way and they should only do one side?
	I was with Ann Coulter once at Keene Steakhouse and Lawrence was there.
	What's his name?
	Not Fishbourne.
	Lawrence O'Donnell was there.
	And she goes, you got to get me on your show.
	And he'd had a few drinks.
	So he had some truth serum.
	And he goes, it doesn't work, Anne.
	People don't like it.
	They want to just hear their side.
	And maybe he's right.
	I mean, look at this show.
	We spent probably $60,000 on liberal guests trying to encourage a civil discussion.
	Did it do shit?
	I think it's some of the...
	Not one person has ever mentioned it.
	It's definitely exciting, you know, but yeah, I wonder if it's publicity.
	No one's ever, people are petrified to discuss censored.tv in the media because they don't want to promote my shit.
	But no one went like, I got to admit, at least he had this and this.
	Actually, I saw someone criticizing Cornell West and going, the problem with Cornell West is he thinks he's being open-minded, but he ends up giving Nazis a platform.
	He's appeared on blah, blah, blah.
	I forget what that was, and then Gavin McInnes' network, which again is verboten to name.
	Sorry.
	So go back to 1.9.
	So this is Tucker on CNN talking about a woman who is pushing for a gun bill that she knows absolutely nothing about, and it includes, what do you call that thing, the chamber doohickey that goes around the end of the barrel,
	I guess, to stop it from overheating.
	It says barrel shroud here.
	Barrel shroud.
	I don't know what a barrel shroud.
	I guess the top of the gun gets hot, and then you have the barrel shroud so you don't touch the hot part.
	I don't fucking know.
	I'm sounding as dumb as her, but I'm not pushing legislation against it.
	Has that got a barrel shroud?
	Yep.
	No, it doesn't.
	I just install it myself.
	That's not a barrel shroud.
	No, dumbass.
	A barrel shroud is this big.
	It looks like a big robot piece of corn.
	Oh, damn it.
	Thanks.
	Detective shitty.
	Wait, you got to pull up Detective Shitty now.
	Detective Shitty giving gun lessons on.
	I don't know what it's called.
	I don't know.
	I don't know the sound it makes when it takes a man's life.
	All right, thank you.
	If I were you, I would have that more ready to rock.
	What's that notice that keeps coming up?
	Some poor shit.
	So show the CNN clip.
	In February, you introduced the Assault Weapons Ban and Law Enforcement Protection Act of 2007.
	It would regulate semi-ematic assault weapons, including weapons that have pistol grips, a forward grip, and something called a barrel shred.
	Weapons with a barrel shred would be regulated.
	What's a barrel shredded?
	Why should we regulate it?
	I think the more important thing is that it also would have been banned to the launch capacity clips.
	I read the legislation that said that it would regulate barrel shreds.
	What's a barrel shredded and why should we regulate them?
	The guns that were chosen in those days were basically the guns that most committees and criminals were using to kill police officers.
	I'm saying was the best bill.
	That was the best meeting that we did at this particular time.
	I actually don't know what a barrel shot is.
	It's the shoulder thing that goes up.
	No, it's not.
	So she says it's the shoulder thing that goes up.
	Now, a rifle, I guess a heavy rifle, it has a little clip at the back that you can rest on your shoulder.
	I guess if you feel that it's too heavy and you want to be more accurate.
	Again, I know you fucking Southerners are laughing at me right now.
	But why would you ban that?
	She said it was the shoulder thing that goes up.
	What's the matter with the shoulder thing that goes up?
	You want the criminals who shoot cops with 22s to get so tired that the barrel goes up?
	Right.
	Anyway, he's on this really cool.
	He appeared on this really cool show recently talking about that.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	Pickcock 45.
	Yeah, I wasn't familiar with this, but I've since become addicted to it.
	And Tucker's obviously a fan.
	And these guys are just some fun, good old boys.
	I think they're in fucking Alaska.
	Yeah.
	Oh, maybe, maybe.
	I'm not sure.
	That might have been a joke.
	I just know.
	He's got the coolest little range.
	Yeah.
	He's got this awesome range with bowling pins.
	Yeah.
	Let's shoot another melon.
	Melons and bottles.
	Melons and bottles of fucking orange juice.
	And this whole channel was under threat because YouTube was going to do something, you know, demonetizing gun.
	Anything to do with guns?
	Oh, dude, I'm so glad we brought this up.
	What's that?
	Did I send this to you?
	I don't think I did.
	So there's a new bill.
	Oh, thank God I didn't start taking calls too early.
	Yeah, I'll send it to you right now.
	HR 127, which we've heard about in some other capacities, and we knew it was bad news, but I hadn't looked into exactly what it entails, and it is fucking spooky.
	Okay.
	What is HR 127?
	It's worse than you think.
	Every gun owner will have three months to report all owned guns, make, model, and serial number.
	You must also report where you keep your guns.
	All the info above is put into a database which the general public will have access to.
	So say you don't have a safe.
	You list that you have two handguns, I don't know, in the front closet, right?
	I have two handguns there, and then I have a fucking AR-50 upstairs in the guest bedroom under the bed, right?
	Now, criminals have a shopping list.
	And they go, I'm going to wait till the car's out of the garage, case it for a while, make sure the dog isn't home, and then I'm going to go in.
	I'm good for long barrel guns.
	I don't really want another rifle, but I can't have enough handguns.
	So he goes to the handguns that are listed as public knowledge.
	So in other words, you better get a fucking safe.
	Or the irony is, or you're a target.
	So you've got a gun to protect yourself and your family.
	Now you're part of a public shopping list.
	So now in a way, your family's more vulnerable because your house is going to get broken into when you're not there because you've had to publicly list exactly what guns you have and where they are.
	So that's insane.
	You need to get a license to have any gun at all.
	Shotguns, rifles.
	Old 22 that could barely kill a deer.
	You have to be 21 years old, pass a background check, psych evaluation.
	Who knows what that determines?
	Maybe there's a domestic violence in your past.
	Nope.
	You're psycho.
	And then you have to purchase an insurance policy for $800 a year.
	You won't be able to get a license if you're evaluated to be mentally unfit, diagnosed with depression, any brain disease.
	If the evaluators think you have an alcohol problem, that's not just me.
	That's everyone with a Mick in their last name.
	And the evaluators can contact and interview your family, even your exes, to determine if you're mentally sound.
	I'm sure all of us have an ex-wife who's totally fair when it comes to assessing our well-being and holds no bitterness towards us when we're being evaluated.
	This one's crazy.
	What about antique guns?
	You will need to prove ownership.
	I know people with black powder guns, they're like 150 years old.
	What do you have?
	Some parchment signed by the sheriff of Earl of Sussex County?
	With us all burnt around the edges like the Bill of Rights?
	Who the hell the fuck do you have a record of that?
	All old guns are like your grandfather dies, he gives it to your uncle, then your uncle's getting old.
	He knows you like it, he gives it to you, then you give it to your son.
	They're all hand-me-downs.
	No one uses them.
	Oh, and you're getting big shit too if you have an old-timey gun and ammunition.
	And ammunition for an old-timey gun, I'm not just talking about little handheld pistols, but the long-arm ones.
	How many fucking bank robbies have they been involved in?
	A long-barrel fucking black powder gun.
	So say you have the black powder gun and then the ammunition for a black powder gun is black powder, a fucking ball bearing, the little magnesium thing, flint doohickey, and then a little piece of cloth that makes the ball a perfect seal,
	and then the rod, I guess, to stuff it down.
	That's your ammunition.
	And if you have that, you're fucked.
	But it keeps going.
	What about military-style weapons, which of course are just your dad's deer gun spray-painted black.
	You need a separate permit for those, and you'll only be allowed magazines that hold 10 rounds or less.
	What about antique guns?
	I already said that.
	So, what is the government going to do if people violate this?
	The government will impose intense fines starting at 50 grand.
	And 10 to 15 years minimum in jail.
	This is the craziest bill I've ever heard of.
	H.R. 127.
	So we've got, what, 25,000 subscribers?
	Please, please contact your local representative and don't get this to go through.
	This is fucking insanity.
	Wow.
	You have to register your black powder gun if your ex says you're an alcoholic.
	You can't.
	And if you violate that, how many fucking people have an old-timey gun?
	You can't display it in your house, by the way, which is like, well, why do I have it now?
	So when a home intruder comes, I have to go, oh yeah, buddy?
	Get out of here.
	Boom, these explosions of bullshit.
	This is Biden's America.
	Anyway, sorry.
	So get back to Tucker.
	So he's on that cool show.
	I didn't know it was going to get shut down.
	Are you familiar with this show?
	It's not going to get shut down, apparently, but they were threatened, maybe demonetized.
	It happened a couple months ago.
	It's really popular.
	Hitcock fucking rules.
	Yeah.
	How many of you have known about Hickcock?
	How come you are cooler than Hitcock?
	A couple years ago.
	Because I'm really into M1 Garands, the World War II rifles, and he shoots the hell out of them.
	Actually, he's got one right there.
	I think that's an M1 by Springfield, like SOCOM.
	I don't like you being cooler than me.
	It feels unusual.
	I feel like someone's touching my anus involuntarily.
	I just nerded out about those guns.
	I found that they're actually like, they're kind of like obsolete, but I still like them.
	Hitcock is from Nashville, says Whitfield.
	Who's Whitfield?
	He's a viewer of the show.
	Sent us rosary beads.
	Oh, sorry, Kathy.
	I guess Tucker was joking about Alaska.
	John.
	We're going to do a little basics, quick video explaining the difference between a barrel shroud and a shoulder thing that goes up.
	Whoa!
	Whoa, whoa.
	That's awesome.
	My name's Tucker Carlson.
	I'm not from the ATF.
	I am a concerned citizen.
	What was your name again?
	Tucker Carlson.
	And when I hear the term barrel shroud or S-T-T-G-U, shoulder thing that goes up, I know we're in an unsafe environment.
	That right there is a species of barrel shroud, correct?
	It shrouds a barrel.
	And this right here is a shoulder thing that goes up.
	Both of these features have been banned in various states.
	And the reason is really simple.
	If you're firing a gun to the point where it gets hot, you're dangerous.
	Oh, oh, if you have a shoulder thing that goes up, it's not clear why that's bad, but it is.
	Maybe I have an idea.
	Maybe it's because if you have to have a rifle that is so heavy that you are not able to support it yourself, then...
	By definition, it's deadlier.
	Exactly.
	Right.
	And if you're not singing your palms, it's logical in a sick way.
	Look at this.
	This is a classic gun criminal.
	You'll notice there are no burns on those palms.
	That's true.
	Evidence of the pressure.
	Oh, so protect your hands from being burned.
	This has a barrel trout, too.
	Standard AR-15 deal.
	I wonder if that's just a trend.
	We have to register these, too?
	I bet.
	I just pulled the trigger and pointed it at you.
	What if it went?
	That is terrible.
	It went right into your spine.
	You're triggered.
	Holy fuck, I'm sorry.
	I didn't know.
	I thought it was a toy.
	I die a little death.
	Pew, pew, pew.
	Imagine they put that in like a Gavin McKinnis.
	That's some good news and some bad news, Mr. McInnis.
	Your gun permit has gone through, but there is a size restriction.
	Anyway, here's the gun you can have in your home.
	You have to keep it in a safe.
	If you ever get gang raped by mice, you should be able to kill a third of them.
	That is a small gun that will not shoot regular people.
	I am not going to get gang raped by a mice.
	By a mice.
	Yeah, you're right.
	You're right.
	I've seen these rifles like this.
	This is what we call an assault rifle or a weapon of war, if you will.
	With this feature right here, this barrel shroud.
	I have seen guns like this on their own remove themselves from a safe and commit atrocities.
	Yeah.
	Yes, I have.
	And that's why they're banned.
	If I could criticize Tucker, I'm not bananas about his leisure wear.
	He wears new balance.
	His pants are too loose.
	That little overcoat, it's very private school.
	He could be a little more tailored.
	Is he trying to go for like a, that's a worker's kind of coat?
	I think he's such a, he doesn't do our thing where we blue-collar LARP.
	Yeah.
	So he doesn't want to wear a car heart because it looks disingenuous.
	Right.
	I think you've got to be disingenuous.
	That's one of those ones at a small little county shop.
	You can get like a quick little over-shirt jacket.
	I don't care if you're rich, your dad owns Swanson or your stepdad, your father-in-law, whatever.
	You may come from money.
	You may be married into money, but don't dress money in the woods.
	Like, what do you got there?
	A Brooks Brothers button down?
	You should have a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, a Todd Snyder sweatshirt, and a carhart.
	And then you should have red wings on and jeans that are pencil...
	What do they call them?
	Pencil leg jeans.
	Oh, straight leg.
	Yeah, not too wide, not too narrow.
	He's got khakis.
	I'm not going to lie.
	He's got some khakis.
	Yeah, don't.
	Don't.
	Stop doing that.
	Stop being so accurate.
	His riffing is hilarious.
	He's really quick.
	If you have to have a rifle that is so heavy that you are not able to support it, those just jump off and get it.
	You'll notice there are no burns on those palms.
	Why are you repeating the jokes?
	With this feature right here, this barrel shroud.
	I have seen guns like this on their own.
	Right.
	He's repeating a joke.
	That pissed me.
	You have.
	All right.
	I think we're ready to rock.
	I just didn't think it was that funny.
	Naturally.
	He doesn't usually go for funny.
	You didn't think Tucker was funny?
	Yeah, but no, he goes for a different guy.
	He's very funny guy.
	Tucker introduced me to the poo-poo.
	No.
	Yeah.
	They eat the poo-poo.
	I'm sorry.
	Sorry, sorry.
	He introduced me to why are you gay?
	Why are you gay?
	And this Is obviously not a week ago.
	This is the second it came out.
	He sent it to me.
	Why are you gay?
	One of our parishioners, priests, whatever you call him, today at Getting the Ashes was an African.
	He is new to the church.
	And I love that accent, by the way.
	I know we make fun of the poopu, but I love Scottish, Jamaican, and African accents.
	They all sound the same to me, all of Africa.
	But I have to concede, my mind wanders in church, and I could not stop hearing about De Poo Pu.
	We are here today on Ash Wednesday to talk about sacrifice and saying the word no.
	I saw a woman today with her kid.
	It was actually a really good point.
	And this wasn't his point.
	I'm just putting other guys' words in his mouth.
	Because they sound cooler.
	But he had a good point.
	He said, I saw this mother walking down the street and she was with toddlers and the four-year-old was throwing snow at his three-year-old daughter, I mean sister.
	And she said no when he chastised her.
	And he said, that's what Lent is about.
	Saying no to yourself.
	And as he was saying that, I thought, God damn it.
	Oops, sorry.
	Bleep, damn it.
	Oh, no, it can't say damn it.
	Gosh, I thought.
	That's what America needs, is a lot of us telling ourselves no.
	You don't wear slides in the snow.
	I know it's your comfy wear, but stop wearing fucking sweatpants.
	There was a woman next to me wearing sweatpants in church.
	I know they're comfy.
	So are PJs.
	Stop wearing, and you guys aren't New Yorkers, but Jesus H. Christ, there are so many fucking people in New York City proper in the day wearing pajamas, especially blacks and Hispanics, with hair curlers on,
	sweatshirts, and slides with their socks, with like the lower, the ankle socks, and their toes are wet from the slush.
	Like tell yourself no.
	I want to just leave today without getting dressed.
	No.
	You have to put on shoes and socks and pants.
	We're in an epoch where denim is considered wildly uncomfortable.
	They won't wear it on the plane.
	It's a cotton twill.
	Denim, I mean, besides the blue-collar guys of the 60s, denim was like for your lazy Sunday.
	Now it's fancy wear.
	You should be wearing a suit when you're on the fucking plane.
	Speaking of suits, I'm glad I remember this.
	Shout out to Nita Fashions.
	Let's give them a free ad, Ryan.
	N-I-T-A Fashions.
	It's for cheap rich guys where you can get a shirt for $50, tailor-made.
	I like to go fancy with the fabrics and get as much as a $7,500 shirt.
	They made this.
	I got a little fatter, though.
	So I called them up today and I go, I'm fat.
	I have to throw all my shirts in the garbage and all my pants.
	And they said, they have a weird accent because they're in Hong Kong, but they're Indian.
	So it's a little bit of a buddy, but it's also an international language, Mr. McInnis, Mr. Gavin.
	The Trans-Pacific accent.
	Yeah.
	So they said, we appreciate you giving us our business, sir, giving us new customers, promoting our business.
	So when we built your suits, we built the pants with four inches to spare.
	I didn't even know.
	Nice.
	And they go, so send us back free of charge.
	Well, obviously shipping, but we will handle it.
	I'm like, I have 10 suits at least with you guys.
	Please send them our way.
	So they're going to expand them all.
	Tight.
	And then I did the reason I've been wearing a tie is because my fucking neck has expanded.
	And they have a little book there.
	I get claustrophobic when I wear this shirt.
	They have a little book there, like an old-fashioned, old-timey book that has Gavin McInnes on it in beautiful calligraphy.
	And it has all my sizes, but it's got a nice grid to it where it shows how fat I'm getting.
	And they're like, Mr. McInnes, you've put on an inch and a half around your waist.
	I was like, all right, let's go bananas.
	Give me a 35 instead of a 34 waist.
	And then my neck, give it another 15, like make it a 15 inch or whatever it is instead of like a 14 and a third.
	Because I want to, for just once in my life, I want to have the top button done and have tons of breathing room.
	Yeah, that's nice.
	They're like, sir, it looks very bad if you can fit a finger in your front.
	And I'm like, I look bad.
	Look bad, feel good.
	Call me, Mr. Looks Bad.
	Don't say you know what it's like, but say, I'm not saying that it don't look bad, but I understand.
	I got, it's luxurious.
	Awesome.
	Oh, my God.
	I saw Britt Hume on Tucker the other night, and he had a clit.
	What?
	Well, as men get older, they get this turkey neck, just like women.
	So his top button was done up, but he had this like engorged clitoris hanging down over it.
	Uh-oh.
	Oh, there it is.
	I think you're right.
	Look at that clit.
	So you go, you go, Britt, you don't have a tailor?
	You can't have your top button.
	You don't have your shirt tailored?
	No, his shirt's perfectly tailored.
	You're seeing his fucking turkey neck clit.
	I just want to diddle it when I see it.
	I don't.
	I don't want to do that.
	What if you're like, you went up to him and you're like, Britt, the fuck, dude?
	You've got this thing hanging over your shirt and you go like this and he just goes, oh, and comes.
	And you're like, what just happened?
	He goes, that's fucking great.
	That's where my clit is, you idiot.
	I thought you had a cock.
	I do have a cock, but just like that dinosaur that has a brain in its head and then also another mini brain in its tail, I have my normal male genitalia, but I have a female clit right here.
	And you just made me come.
	That's gay.
	Imagine him taking you to court and this is all red in front of people.
	Your Honor, I didn't know I was rubbing a clit.
	It just looked like extra skin.
	I've never heard of a dude having a clit in his neck.
	Order.
	Order in the clit.
	What about George Conway?
	He has a tit in his neck.
	That's totally different.
	Tit necks are, everybody knows a tit neck.
	I like how he's saying, I didn't know about that the Lincoln Project was fucking kids.
	You know, it doesn't look good for him to shake his head during those allegations.
	Like, I had no idea, and I'm ashamed of that.
	Because it just, the wobble on this guy's neck is Bonanski's.
	What the First Amendment says.
	The First Amendment doesn't protect imminent.
	I love Jake Tapper's face.
	He's so concerned.
	He's just like the TMZ phony when they were interviewing Tessica.
	He's like, so how are you doing, George, now that you put Gorilla Glue in your hair?
	He does not have a First Amendment.
	I'm so worried about it.
	He's leaning forward now.
	He's self-conscious.
	What has George got?
	Georgie?
	Poor Kellyanne Conway.
	Her daughter's a cunt.
	Her husband's a cunt.
	Yeah.
	You know, the daughter took her back.
	She's got more cunts outside of her pants than inside her pants.
	You got clitneck, cunt face.
	You know, she came back.
	She started a superhero duo called Clitneck and Cunt Face.
	That's amazing.
	I'm sure somebody will.
	Yeah, so the daughter took back the allegations that the mom should go to.
	She was like, you're going to jail, Kellyanne.
	She took all that back.
	She was like, listen, I'm going to take a break from social media.
	And that was bullshit.
	I overreacted, yada, yada.
	Yeah, I think young people sort of have their parents wrapped around their finger, especially if they're public figures, where they probably realize I have the power to destroy you just by saying that you said the N-word, whether you did or not.
	Sometimes they wield that power.
	Call us.
	We got Ziggy.
	Getting Ziggy with it.
	Hello?
	Hey, Ziggy.
	Hello?
	What's up, Zig Dog?
	No more giveaways?
	Well, we're down to one sponsor, jacbd.com.
	I don't think we're very popular.
	So, Gavin, if you leave the best tester, who's going to clean your toilets?
	If I leave the what?
	Who is going to be cleaning your toilets, Donald Trump?
	Oh.
	Oh.
	No, I'm sorry.
	I missed the beginning of that joke.
	If I leave the what?
	Do you remember the time that you had the most hilarious moment ever, the hardest you've ever laughed?
	No.
	You said the best chester.
	When was that?
	Are you in the bath?
	I'm giving a bath to my three-year-old.
	Oh, okay.
	In the sink or in the bathtub?
	In the bathtub, in a mini bathtub.
	Oh, those are cool.
	I miss those days, man.
	Those are fun.
	So you remember the time you had the funniest moment where you had the most incapacitation due to laughter?
	I think it may have been when I was in the special class in grade eight, as we say in Canada, when someone said, it's called pressing a ham, Mr. Gunn.
	That was funny.
	So I was actually in Quebec.
	I used to do survey work.
	We had a contract.
	We were doing a forestry survey from an airplane.
	So this has to do with Solon Valor and also war movies.
	Okay.
	So I was in charge.
	I was flying the airplane.
	The co-pilot was this guy.
	He called himself, his handle was like Navy Teeth.
	And the guy that runs the camera, the operator, his name is Joe.
	He grew up in Yonkers.
	Okay.
	He was in the army.
	Joe was in the Army.
	He got injured jumping out of an airplane.
	Somebody undercut him with a parachute and he ended up with a back injury.
	It's really bad stuff, but he had valor.
	Navy Pete, he flunked out of Navy boot camps because he had IBS.
	Okay.
	But his identity, but his identity was he was a naval airman.
	Anyway, we're driving in the freaking middle of nowhere in Quebec trying to set up a stationary point for our survey.
	And we're bored.
	He's got a CD that he made of soundtracks from war movies.
	So we're trying to entertain ourselves and we're listening.
	And we made a game of it.
	So I mean, you could probably list off 15 or 20 or maybe 50 war movies with your status.
	Anyway, we're lifting off movies.
	We're lifting off movies.
	And Joe says, what is this?
	Is this from Thin Red Line or what are all these movies?
	And finally, he says, full metal jackets.
	And Pete goes, what's that?
	Joe's driving the car and we almost crashed.
	He did a triple take and he was like, what?
	You're a Navy guy?
	You've never heard of full metal shit jackets?
	And I swear I almost had a heart attack from laughter.
	That story was way too long and totally blows.
	I'm not a veteran of having to have...
	I thought I was a war movie veteran.
	Now I'm a war movie story veteran.
	I just got a purple heart.
	I'm a war movie veteran.
	My kid's crying.
	Dude, your story reeks so bad you should give it a bath after your daughter gets out of there.
	Wow.
	Good thing you're near a toilet.
	You need to flush that story.
	Anyway, thanks for calling, I guess.
	Thanks for your service.
	God, why did I give that guy so much?
	You had to be there.
	Holy fuck.
	I got a way better story than that.
	Vinny Stigma is everyone in New York is scared of him.
	And it's sort of like Chuck Zito, where when you start talking about him, people go, but I cannot resist telling this story.
	So he was in the band Cro-Mags, Sick of It All?
	Agnostic Front?
	Agnostic Front.
	So they're on tour, and this is back in the 80s.
	And Vinny Stigma, I respect him very much.
	I hope he doesn't fucking kill me telling this story.
	But let's just say he's not an academic.
	He's not known.
	He does not have the Fields Medal in mathematics.
	And he's in the van, and they're listening to whatever 899 FM as they tour.
	And they're on their way to, I believe, Detroit.
	And he passes out in the van, and then he wakes up freaking out.
	He thinks they're going to miss the show.
	And he goes, holy shit, what time?
	When do we got to be there?
	And they go, relax, Vinny, not till 9 o'clock.
	And he points to the radio and the dash and he goes, it's 8.99.
	It's 8.99.
	Holy shit.
	Meaning they have one minute to get there.
	Oh, that is great.
	Because hours have 100 minutes.
	Of course.
	it's got New York hardcore tattooed to his head.
	Now, that's just Vinny tired, making a silly semantic mistake.
	Please don't fucking kill me.
	I don't actually know Gavin.
	I just met him.
	He had a tattoo shop in New York when they were illegal, which, by the way, tattoos are officially legal in New York City in like 2003.
	I'm not kidding.
	Wow.
	Let's hear his interview, though.
	Just so you get the guy.
	You got to sort of know the guy.
	Interview and live.
	No one wants to see fucking agnostic front live.
	Of course they do.
	They're great.
	I like touring with other bands.
	Like we're touring with these younger bands, you know, and we always like, we're always nice to, I know, I'm always nice to them, and I always make them feel comfortable.
	And always my backstage, if they're on tour with me, that backstage is yours, too.
	You know what I mean?
	We're together.
	I don't like.
	You don't like the hierarchy.
	No, no, no.
	We're family and that's it.
	We're on tour.
	It begins.
	It's a family tour.
	Whatever band it might be, take offense, which we're going on tour with in California.
	You know what that reminds me of?
	Derek Beccles and I went on tour with the band The Unicorns, and we did sort of a stand-up comedy thing where I would show do's and don'ts with a projector, a PowerPoint, and then he would show TV Carnage with a PowerPoint.
	And we were in Boston, and we had done a few dates, and we were being treated like the opening band, even though I'm way older than fucking Nick Unicorn, who's a cool guy, by the way.
	Probably hates me now, but he was a good guy, and it was nice of him to set this up, but whatever.
	His tour manager would treat us like we were little kids, lucky to be on tour with the unicorns.
	And I'm like, dude, I have kids.
	I think you have this all wrong.
	It's nice of us to go on tour with some other little kids.
	And, you know, we're all, like, I was probably 40 six back then.
	No, 06, 36?
	I was in my late 30s.
	And so we're in Boston.
	I'd maybe had a few drinks.
	And we go backstage.
	And I'm like, we're in the green room.
	And I go, I'm going to grab a beer.
	And the tour of engineer goes, and he touches my beer.
	And as I'm opening it, what?
	And then he puts his finger so I can't open it and holds it closed.
	And he goes, that's for the band.
	And I go, yeah, well, we're with the band.
	And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	And I was like, fuck you.
	This tour's over.
	We're going home.
	And I just got in the car and drove four hours from Boston or whatever it was back home.
	And Derek was like, some of us need the money, dude.
	Why'd you can this tour?
	I'm like, the money?
	You were making like 40 bucks a night.
	Here, here's 80 bucks.
	There's two nights.
	Go work at McDonald's.
	Fuck.
	Which one's fucking Nick there?
	That's in the middle.
	Fuck.
	He's a good old Canadian hoser.
	He's a guy.
	I don't mean to disparage him, but his fucking tour manager was.
	Sounds like he didn't do anything wrong.
	It's all these like business types, you know, what they're fucking doing.
	You know what else Nick showed us?
	They were staying at a hotel, and I'm like, Jesus, we're staying at a hotel every night.
	It's going to get expensive.
	And he goes, no, I have this happen, hotels.com or whatever it was.
	And what you do is you look when we're done the show tonight at like 11, and they're so desperate to unload, you get something for nothing.
	Like the five-star hotel.
	So I think this was in DC.
	And I'm like, okay, cool.
	So we try that and we find this five-star hotel and it was like 60 bucks.
	I go, this is fucking awesome.
	So Derek and I head over there and we get into the lobby.
	It's beautiful, by the way.
	But it's also very zooy.
	And there's zebra prints everywhere and leopard prints and fucking spears on the wall and stuff.
	And I'm going, what the fuck is going on here?
	Is this some Disney themed zoo hotel?
	And then we get to the hotel room and it's also got like red satin sheets and stuff.
	Luckily we had two beds or we would have ended up fucking because it was so seductive.
	And I turn on the TV and it's Tyler Perry.
	And that's when I saw the Tyler Perry movie where the dude is in the hot tub and he's paralyzed.
	Diary of Mad Black Woman.
	Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
	And I'd never watched a Tyler Perry movie before and that overacting is, that was actually the birth of the term blackting, where we realized blacks tend to overact.
	That whole movie is an overacting madhouse.
	And we went down to the lobby.
	I can't remember why.
	And then I realized, Derek, we're in an upper middle class black hotel.
	We're in like a Will Smith, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but not Will Smith, the other family.
	We're with like well-to-do blacks.
	And this is what they have when they have a hotel.
	Zebra Prince, Leopard Prince, a spear on the wall, and Medea.
	We've been to one recently.
	Remember that place we stayed in DC?
	Most recently?
	Yeah, after Car Guys.
	Remember?
	Everything was all white.
	There was like a fight in the lobby and stuff.
	Yeah, it was very black.
	It was a very black.
	But it was a beautiful hotel.
	Yeah, but zebra, dragon sticks.
	Zebras.
	Why are black people so into zebras?
	Zebras.
	Fucking loser horses, SD.
	All right.
	Oh, I want to get one of those.
	Dude, I was going to get you that.
	You should have got me that.
	Why don't you buy me that?
	Why don't you buy me more presents?
	Actually, you know, I'm eBaying a couple of things like Rocket.
	By the way, if you want to buy me a present, I really want this.
	What the hell is that?
	The Cara Dune.
	It's the Gina Carrano action figure from Mandalorian.
	Was it sold out?
	They're not printing anymore.
	So I looked them up on eBay.
	They're like $200 each.
	Holy shit.
	I've got very expensive tastes.
	Fucking cow.
	What are those shoes I want?
	You like the blue and white ones?
	Off-white?
	Those are like three grand.
	Jordan ones.
	My shoes right now are fucking $800.
	Those are all right.
	Those is alright.
	But this is your wave.
	That's what I want.
	These Scoochie shoes are nothing compared to those puppies.
	Shuchies.
	Can a 50-year-old wear $3,000?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	All right, let's try the calls again and see if it's another eight-hour story about someone who hasn't heard of a movie before.
	Mike Worst.
	Hey, so apparently there's a king of Thailand, which I didn't know about, which I don't really give a fuck about.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	He has the fucking worst name ever.
	You were talking about bad names.
	His fucking name is like two paragraphs long, and it's fucking retarded.
	I don't know why you would ever fucking name somebody that many weird letters.
	It's like some monkey went on a fucking typewriter and just was hitting fucking keys.
	Pull it up.
	Why would you ever fucking do it?
	Thanks for calling.
	We're going to look that up.
	Vagilcron?
	Yeah.
	That doesn't seem so bad.
	The side effects of Vagilcron are, of course, Vagiralongcron.
	Vagiralongcron.
	You know what that is?
	That's when you have a Nordic warrior in your pussy.
	It's just like crazy because of the horns.
	Of course.
	That doesn't look so bad.
	I've seen worse than that.
	Wait, what's it like?
	Oh, dude, you want to talk about bad names?
	You got to find the guy who owns Al Jazeera, the main funder of it.
	It's going to take you about a day.
	His name takes an hour to say, and it dwarfs the king of Thailand.
	Look up Al Jazeera on Wikipedia.
	No, no, just look.
	Go to Al Jazeera on Wikipedia.
	I've looked this up a hundred times.
	I should have it bookmarked.
	Okay, so.
	No, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
	So funding from the government of Qatar, but maintains its editorial independence.
	Muslim Brotherhood, anti-sh.
	So I guess click on government of Qatar.
	Yeah, right there.
	Government of Qatar.
	The funding from the government of Qatar.
	I can't see it here.
	Government of Qatar.
	Government of fucking Qatar.
	Because that's owned by one family.
	No, that's the cabinet of Qatar.
	Shit.
	Wait.
	Government of Qatar.
	Right there.
	Okay.
	Incumbent office.
	Oh, Jesus Christ.
	That's a name.
	Oh, that's him, right?
	Al-Thani?
	Khalid bin Khalifa al-Baduzagana Al-Thani.
	Shalik Khalid bin Abdulz al-Tani.
	I can't remember if that's the guy I was talking about, but that's equally absurd right there.
	This guy, too.
	So that's the incumbent.
	Abdullah bin Abdullahziz bin Turkey al-Subdueh.
	I mean, this is not an opinion.
	Your culture sucks when your name is 32 names.
	That's just a fact.
	I said Chinese language sucks because you need a paintbrush to write it.
	I got in a fight with this Jewish woman.
	She's like, you're anti-Semite.
	I go, give me an example.
	She goes, you said Hebrew is a disgusting language.
	It sounds like someone's horking up phlegm.
	I go, it does.
	German's gross too.
	English comes from German.
	I love German.
	I hate all Middle Eastern languages.
	I hate Russian.
	Any language that goes ach is gross.
	And that's like 37 of them.
	Sorry, you're included in the shit group.
	Doesn't mean I don't like Jews.
	I'm a Zionist.
	Longest name in Africa.
	Okay, interesting.
	I've seen this before.
	So, what is your name?
	What is your name?
	What is the whole joke of it?
	Why do you eat the poo-poo?
	That's what I don't know.
	Yes, your name.
	That's not a different culture.
	That's a shitter culture.
	And by the way, you live in garbage.
	You are a bear and you eat in the garbage.
	All right, next call.
	We're not being very generous with calls.
	I think we've done two.
	Call screen failed.
	You're on the line.
	909.
	Hey.
	Hey.
	How's it going, guys?
	What's up, guys?
	Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gang.
	Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci don't.
	Hey, Gav, thanks for the advice last week.
	It was very nourishing.
	What was that now?
	About the contemporary art scene.
	What did I say?
	Oh, no, you were very thorough.
	You told me about, you know, if you're MAGA, don't worry about it.
	Don't actually, don't even engage.
	Just do your thing and don't trip about, you know, trying to be political or anything.
	Just do the work, you know?
	Yeah, it's a tricky thing because at the end of the show, every day I say, get fired, get in trouble.
	And then I'm also telling you not to be public about your magginness.
	But I think every man should be on the precipice of trouble, which is losing your job, going to jail, and getting divorced.
	So if you get those, you've gone too far in many cases.
	Right.
	Right.
	It was good.
	It's coming from you.
	It means a lot.
	So thanks.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	I'm worried now I'm contradicting myself.
	When I say get fired, what I mean is you're at a dead-end job.
	Everyone's talking shit all day about, say, Trump.
	And you're just like stewing.
	And it's eating you alive.
	And you're getting cancer from keeping your mouth shut.
	Now, you can say, fuck all of you.
	I love Trump, which I've done a million times.
	But you can also say, I don't know.
	I mean, jobs went up.
	Isn't that all that anyone really cares about?
	I mean, you don't have to love the guy.
	You don't have to read his tweets, but the economy was booming before the pandemic.
	Say that.
	Well, what if I get fired?
	You'll get a better job.
	Now, I'm not encouraging you to run headfirst into the wood chipper and get fired on purpose, but I'm saying be yourself.
	They can't fire us all.
	And if you're at a job where you just indicating your true self is enough to get you fired, then you're not in the right job.
	Now, what about fine arts?
	Yes.
	Yes, that's tricky.
	But the beauty of art is it's ambiguous.
	So you can stay in the clouds a little bit.
	And slowly.
	I mean, I should do a whole show on this because it is a very gray area.
	Like Ben Shapiro's thing, they said, what should I do in college?
	And he said, lie, pretend to be left-wing, get A's, graduate, then become a lawyer, and then fuck them all over and say, haha, I was bullshitting the whole time.
	No.
	I disagree with that.
	I say you should be yourself in school, even if you flunk out.
	So it's a case-by-case.
	I mean, who is going to clean your toilets, Donald Trump?
	It's a case-by-case basis, I guess.
	But there's nuance there.
	And what I'm really saying with Get Fired is be yourself and don't fucking keep your personality bottled up to the point where it's killing you.
	Hey.
	You're cool.
	She is so fucking ugly.
	She is hideous.
	She's a freak.
	But.
	But nothing.
	She's inhuman.
	She looks like a possum worm.
	I wish I knew what that was for.
	She has no irredeemable qualities.
	What race is she?
	She's like every race.
	She's the worst of every race combined.
	Wild.
	Yeah, you belong in the wild.
	You should be eaten by fucking herbivores.
	What is it?
	Wear a shirt that represents where you belong, Dave?
	Her eyes look like little garbage assholes.
	Garbage.
	And her fucking possum nose.
	She looks like a...
	What are those big, huge rats they have in Central America?
	Capuberas.
	She looks like a capubera.
	What is that?
	I'm closer to figuring out what Elmo is than her.
	What mammo are you?
	We got Nicholas on the line.
	Nicholas.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Can you hear me?
	Yes.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hey.
	So you're talking about children's music.
	You're reminding me of a great John Ronson documentary you should check out if you haven't seen it.
	It's called Funny Torture.
	It's about how they were using those songs, Barney and so forth, to torture the Iraqi POWs.
	And they go on to interview the people who wrote the people who wrote the Sesame Street music.
	And they talk to them about it, and they talk about what royalties should they ask for for their music torture.
	It's pretty funny.
	All right.
	What's it called again?
	I got it here.
	Oh, you got it?
	Funny.
	Thanks, buddy.
	Thanks for the call.
	Have a good one.
	Nice short, sweet call there.
	Informative, of course.
	Your commander-in-chief, the president.
	Oh, they got the whole thing on YouTube?
	There's a couple of companies that have made some pretty big leaps.
	American Technology now has an acoustic system that you can reach out.
	How about that acoustic system in Cuba?
	I heard these Canadians are suing for it.
	I actually know the lawyer involved.
	They blast out these super duper bass waves.
	Omega waves.
	And these people have all kinds of like brain problems from it.
	It worked.
	I'm sure it was developed by Russia.
	They were there working on harmful.
	She's a smoker.
	She looks like Cameron Diaz.
	Exactly.
	Who looks like shit right now, by the way.
	Government personnel who were working at our embassy in Havana, Cuba on official duty.
	You can look that up on your own.
	Those sound things I've already done.
	John Luke Picard.
	Oh, you want me to get back to the documentary?
	No, the calls, obviously.
	I just said that's enough.
	What do you think I meant?
	Of the sound weapon one.
	Bobby.
	What's up, Bobby?
	Hey.
	Hey, Bobby.
	Are you Bobby Hill?
	Damn it, Bobby.
	Are you my son, Bobby Hill?
	What is that?
	That's me trying to do you doing the hill.
	Oh, man.
	Yeah.
	It was all right.
	Go ahead, Bobby Hill.
	Anyway, Gavin, do you still have your motorcycle?
	Yes.
	What kind is it?
	Is it a Bonneville Trucks and it's this guy right here?
	Bonneville, it's like a 750, a 20.
	It's like a 2012, I think, but it was made as a replica of the original 1960s thing.
	So I love it because it looks old, but it's not very old.
	From a distance, it also looks like a Thunderbird a little bit, but not the new, new ones.
	The new ones are pretty loaded and big.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Anyway.
	It's the common one, the Bonneville 750.
	Hey, that's got the same tank as mine.
	1976 Triumph.
	Yeah, so I guess they're mimicking the 76.
	I don't know.
	I don't know much about it.
	I do know you've got to get your battery out of there because I noticed I was buying a new battery every year, and it's because I would let it freeze.
	So the battery's got to come out.
	I'm sure anyone with a motorcycle knew this way before me.
	But yeah, you've got to get it on the Doctor Charger thing in the fall.
	Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
	I was going to say, unless you keep it on the charger, you should be pretty good.
	But anyway, if you are thinking about moving to the Tennessee, North Carolina area, I'll tell you what.
	The most gorgeous riding is there between the North Carolina and Tennessee.
	There's many trails you can look up.
	One that comes to mind is called Chero Halla Skyway.
	Cheryl with an S or with a C?
	C. It's like C-H-E-R.
	Cheryl Hollow?
	Something like that.
	Chero-Holla.
	Hollow.
	Skyway.
	Ooh, old-fashioned.
	Cheryl Holla Trail?
	Skyway.
	Skyway.
	That sounds awesome.
	Skyway.
	There's one called the Dragon Tail.
	The Dragon Tail.
	It's only like a short distance.
	It's only like 15 miles between Tennessee and North Carolina.
	And it has like 300 curves in a 50-mile stretch.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	I know a lot of people who actually wrecked on that, but he said it was awesome.
	Like regardless, the scenery between Tennessee and North Carolina is fucking amazing.
	That's awesome.
	Thanks for the tip.
	I appreciate it.
	Thanks for calling.
	I had Beers with a biker today, and he said they have a motto in the Hells Angels.
	If you're not going 90, you're not going.
	What?
	90?
	Oh, you're going all right.
	Now, I don't have, my fairing is just like you saw my motorcycle, and the fairing is a little foreskin on the front.
	It doesn't really do much.
	My head's still moving.
	When I'm going 60, I'm shitting in my panties.
	Shitting in my panties, especially on a fucking New Jersey freeway.
	If I look to see if I can change lanes, my whole head goes.
	So what I do is I indicate and I just slowly change lanes going, I'm coming over, boys.
	You can slow down or kill me, but I'm not looking.
	But 90?
	Like even in my BMW going 90 on the freeway, I'm going, fuck, I'm booking here.
	I'm going to get busted.
	Yum!
	90.
	And he was in, it's funny because he went down to Florida, but the storm hit.
	So it never got warm.
	He left in these shitty New York temperatures at 4 in the morning with heated seats and shit.
	Didn't matter.
	And then you expect like around Delaware, it starts, the clouds come out, but it didn't.
	And when he was in Florida, it was like fucking 40 degrees.
	So he went to escape New York and just had a big, long, 20-hour New York drive that they did in two days at 90 miles an hour, dude.
	That is fucking in the sleet and the slush.
	No, thank you.
	All right, one more call, then we got to go.
	All right, Alex Jones, he's a poo-poo head, buddy.
	Hey, buddy, buddy.
	I like your Gucci shoes, buddy, buddy.
	Thanks, buddy.
	They're my off-duty buddies.
	Yeah, yeah, buddy.
	I got my sketchers on, buddy.
	You like my sketchers, buddy?
	No, I don't tolerate skechers in any way, shape, or form.
	If I was at a restaurant or a deli and I was buying a godfather sub and they had skechers on, I would walk away, buddy.
	Oh, shit, buddy.
	Okay, okay.
	Anyway, Gab, I was watching Crowder's recent upload on The Blaze.
	He was interviewing Alex Jones.
	And they get talking about January 6th, all the riot and shit.
	And Jones just kind of blames it on Proud Boys.
	He kind of says, like, Proud Boys is boo-boo-boar.
	I sent you guys an email.
	I think I titled it, like, Alex Jones Fucks Boys Who Happen to Be Proud or whatever.
	It's like a 30-second clip.
	That's a bummer, man.
	All right, well, check it out.
	Thanks for calling.
	By the way, Alex was, I'm not going to, I'm not about to get revenge till I see the whole thing.
	But did you notice he's not in shit?
	Like, wasn't he screaming with a megaphone going, we got to do this.
	Yes.
	Fucking.
	Alex had some pretty good evidence of him saying, let's move away from here, go to the front, or peacefully.
	I know.
	Okay, good.
	Okay.
	Like, in, you know, very long form, hey, don't get nuts.
	January 6th.
	It was a trap, just like Charlottesville.
	I called both of those things and said, don't go, you're getting duped.
	And, well, I will say, only like three people that I know of still went to Charlottesville.
	And Charlottesville was portrayed as a statue thing.
	And then at the 11th hour, they started having these SS type of things on the flyers.
	And Paul Bazil pointed out, he goes, wait a minute, this doesn't look like it's about statues.
	This is all like Pepe but gone mad.
	So Paul called it too.
	And then it happened.
	I waited for all the high fives for predicting it was going to be a shit show.
	Got nothing.
	And then with January 6th, I said, don't go.
	It's a trap.
	This is on our Twitter.
	This was, it was on parlor.
	And I said, it's a recipe for murder.
	And then a chick was murdered.
	It's still my fault because someone there looked like me.
	And 100%, the fire extinguisher guy, that didn't happen.
	He did not die from the fire extinguisher.
	He died from pepper spray, but no one will go near it because they keep saying cops should use more pepper spray and less guns.
	And pepper spray is not remotely dangerous.
	Oh, really?
	What happened to SickNick?
	He died from pepper spray.
	I think it gave him like heart palpitations.
	Dude, getting pepper sprayed reboots your hard drive.
	It's not like it just, it's not like someone just put on two eye patches and now you can't see.
	Now you can play the blind game.
	It shocks your whole system.
	It's almost like the LeBron James helicopter pilot who thought he was going up when he was going down.
	You almost don't know what's up or down.
	It's like you're scuba diving and you think you're swimming down, but you're swimming up.
	It's almost that intense.
	You know where your feet are, so you know where gravity is.
	Otherwise, it's not just being blind, man.
	It is fucking shocking.
	You don't know what race you are.
	Please don't piss me off, Alex.
	All around the Capitol, trying to stop people for over an hour and a half.
	And I realized, because see, I'm all like the left, I'm not going to lie.
	And people are pissed at me about this.
	I'm getting death threats over this.
	But I was there.
	I said, okay, it's Boogaloos, it's Proud Boys, and it's a few people from a great organization, Oathkeepers, who claimed they were part of it.
	We have to cut them off.
	It was literally a minority of people with Antifa.
	Antifa was involved as well.
	But it isn't just Antifa.
	It was right-wingers believing they were part of this great storm.
	That wasn't the most damning thing.
	I mean, he's right in the sense that it was guys who were members of the Proud Boys.
	It wasn't Proud Boys.
	And I don't understand why no one can understand this nuance.
	If they were Knights of Columbus, they weren't there as Knights of Columbus.
	They're just members of the club, which is a big club with 5,000 people.
	So I'm not bananas, but it's verbiage.
	But, you know, he said the Oath Keepers are good people, so he was saying the clubs are nice, but they just had a few fuck-ups.
	And they did.
	Sorry.
	But the Proud Boys who did that were fucking idiots.
	There, I said it.
	What the fuck were you thinking?
	I warned you that you're getting duped.
	Anyway.
	What do you think is going to happen when you storm the Capitol?
	Well, Brett Kavanaugh's followers did it.
	Yeah, they knew they had the media and the justice system on their side.
	Prowboys have been stabbed once a month in DC, and both times the takeaway was, what are these assholes doing?
	People are getting stabbed.
	So obviously the third time you go, the third month in a row, say hypothetically you get stabbed, it's going to be known as your fault.
	So why did you go?
	Why did you fucking go?
	Anyway, what are you trying to show me?
	Oh, we lost a Dharman actor.
	This guy.
	Oh, that terrible actor is dead?
	Disparage him.
	We'll say sorry that a human being has died.
	You brought us a lot of joy.
	For real.
	Is he meaning that?
	Love of family.
	He didn't write the scripts.
	Yeah, look, we don't disparage the dead here.
	No, I'm going to tempt you when you're in a Dharman dude.
	That guy's one of the best.
	And I'm not mad at Alex for that.
	It could have been better phrased, but that's fine.
	Anyway, folks, we'll see you tomorrow with all the shit we didn't get to today.
	And we also would like to add that you should, within reasonable parameters of your own safety and success, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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