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Feb. 8, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:32:57

S03E70 - BROWN PRIVILEGE

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	These are real things that happen where you can play these these important concepts and understand that when we lose our nature to nature, a security guard stopped me to offer an overview on phenomenal nature.
	She said sculpture is not just formed from penetration.
	You see, men have lost touch with the feminine.
	And with her pink lipstick and her queen's accent, she went on for a while about her president.
	I asked the bookkeeper at the end of the seventh ray to tell me what he knew about Sydney.
	And he told me about chakra, the purple flame, the birth of the cosmos, the ascended masters, and the astral plane.
	He said you could find.
	Shut up, bitch.
	Look at Elastroplane you right up the pussy.
	Now that is Cassandra Jenkins, New Yorker.
	I like her stuff, but she's very anti-Trump, and she's very happy he's gone.
	You know, her earlier work was about healing during a Trump presidency.
	And now that we have everything under control with this awesome president who knows exactly where he is at all times and can speak English perfectly and is never confused, now that we have him in control, we can focus on a new chapter.
	Oh, fuck, a book of the day.
	Yeah.
	This is a fun book.
	Aaron Bandaroff, A-Ron, we used to call him.
	And he wrote his life story out.
	Really interesting guy, Puerto Rican Jew, just like you.
	What?
	And he wrote his whole life story out, and then he had them printed on t-shirts.
	So this book is called My Life in T-shirts.
	This is back in the zenith of his creativity when he had an art gallery with a friend.
	And then he got me to.
	Did he deserve to have his life flushed down the toilet?
	I don't know.
	I wasn't there.
	That's why we have courts.
	But I used to see that guy almost every day.
	He was a skateboarder who was a Supreme model and was a big part of Supreme's brand.
	And then he went on to do his own thing and was always running around.
	I think he was doing crack, actually.
	Which I don't advise.
	Things were going great for him.
	He had a gallery called Bondorov Something.
	I forget the other name.
	And then they were at Miami, Art Basil, and all that stuff.
	He had a great life.
	He was killing it.
	The coolest guy in New York City, which is tough because it's a pretty cool spot.
	And then he allegedly reached down the front of some girl's shirt and grabbed her tit or something.
	That's the problem with this stuff.
	I don't know if he's a disgusting pervert, this friend of mine, or if it was some lying bitch.
	What if it's both?
	We had sort of drifted apart.
	I guess I could just text him.
	What if it's both?
	What do you mean?
	Which is completely full of shit, but he is a dead.
	Yeah.
	It's just like the wrong accusation.
	I don't believe the Manson stuff.
	I mean, that's been getting worse.
	You believe the Manson stuff?
	Not really.
	I don't think any of that.
	That's way better.
	Yeah.
	Well, I don't know what to believe.
	You believe what you want to believe.
	On you, no one can depend.
	Farewell, my farewell.
	I don't fucking know what's going on.
	I'm lost.
	He does seem like a weird dude, Mr. Marilyn Manson.
	I would imagine the sex would be somewhat kinky.
	You don't expect that with Aaron Bondoroff, but was that a gallery?
	Yep.
	Sweet.
	Really cool stuff.
	Look, sorry about that.
	With a dick in a vagina.
	Whoops.
	Did not age well.
	That has changed context.
	I don't have notes yet.
	I'm going to try something new out where I'll just talk about all the shit I have to say and then we'll see if we run out of time.
	New York Post, I am a fucking idiot, and I bet on the Chiefs.
	$110 down the drain.
	I bet against Tom Brady, the LeBron James of football.
	I think he's up to, what, seven Super Bowls, eight Super Bowls now?
	And his Gronster friend.
	And then I also bet against white males.
	Like, it was considered racist to support Tampa because Tom Brady's pro-Trump and their coach was the oldest white male ever to win a Super Bowl.
	And I was like, no, thanks.
	Even though that checks off all my boxes, I'm going to go for this team.
	And I don't know fuck all about football.
	So I just sat there at home and in at the bar, just getting eaten alive with no hope of recovery.
	$110 down the tubes.
	What was he thinking?
	I just thought, I don't know anything about football, and they sounded like the underdogs, and I like underdogs, and I was like, let's do the Chiefs.
	They're going to fucking kick ass.
	And you'd think there'd be a big markup there.
	The spread was three.
	So I was actually betting they'd win by, actually the spread was four.
	So if they won by three or up, I'm in.
	Line judge right there watching.
	Look at the hands.
	Just a superior team.
	I can't wait for baseball again.
	But boy, does betting make sports more fun.
	So I'm going to just tell you about my weekend because I had quite an eventful weekend.
	Friday, I fought four rounds, which I'm very proud of.
	Although towards the end, there was some new guy, this big, tall, I think he was Muslim.
	Remember that National Geographic cover with the piercing eyes?
	Yes.
	He had that as a tattoo.
	Now, when I see that, I think Muslim.
	And when I see Muslim Who's a stranger at my gym?
	I think someone is here to fuck with me.
	I'm very paranoid.
	Yeah, he had a tattoo of that.
	So that guy's got to be an Arab, right?
	Like a Christian wouldn't get that.
	Anyway, although, if she's got eyes like that and she's a Muslim, she probably is, she probably got them in the Crusades.
	Hmm.
	Like, I remember I met a blue-eyed guy in Bethlehem.
	Bethlehem's all Muslim, except for that tiny spot where Jesus was born.
	And he had bright blue eyes.
	And my tour guide there goes, he must be from the fucking Crusades.
	He didn't say fucking, but you get the idea.
	So anyway, towards the end, he was like, come on, come on.
	And I was punching him in the face, which is like, you ever see that retarded kid who got to MMA fight in the Octagon?
	No.
	And his opponent was like, ow, oh no.
	When your opponent's saying, come on, come on.
	At the end, it's like, make a wish foundation.
	It's like, we let a senior box us in the ring.
	Because after we were done, my buddy Shug goes, nothing feels, the only thing better than sex is punching a stranger in the face.
	And I was like, yeah, except when he's going, come on, come on.
	Then it's quirky.
	Make it hurt.
	This is me in my fourth round.
	Yeah, we got some footage from the gym yesterday.
	Yeah.
	Ryan was there.
	I shaved my beard on Friday.
	It grew back.
	I knew it would grow back in time.
	Just to be clear, you're the one with the mohawk.
	Yes, that's me.
	Okay, gotcha.
	That's me kicking ass.
	That's me on my fourth round.
	Dang.
	Getting in there, pinning guys.
	You could hear him.
	Look at his punch to the ribs.
	It's like, pop, pop.
	Uh-oh.
	And he's down.
	Those punches are weird.
	When my kid was like six and I would let him win in foosball, he'd get pissed off.
	You could tell.
	Punch him.
	Put your phone through the fucking holes, Ryan.
	Yeah, sorry.
	Oh, now he's pissed.
	And you're out.
	Of course, we can't see it because you have the world's worst cameraman, Ryan Katsu Redenkas.
	This had a focus.
	Yeah, I told you before I started this fight to put your camera lens camera thing, the actual thing through the gate.
	But you guys were moving, so I was like, oh, shit.
	Well, you could still move around.
	But then put it through.
	You fuck up everything.
	Look at this.
	Oh, finally in focus.
	You only focus when I'm down.
	It's true.
	You never focus when it matters.
	Oh, this is when I got him in some sort of neck up.
	He tapped out.
	Does he even know he won?
	Yeah.
	I mean, did I know I won?
	Yes, you did.
	So yeah.
	So Larry Barnes said the funniest thing.
	I can't stop thinking about it.
	I might make it into a t-shirt.
	You ready for this?
	I've actually, I texted it to the owner and he said, ha ha.
	And then I've reread the text like 20 times just because it reads to me like a Hallmark card.
	Like I just cannot get enough of this quote.
	He calls me a cupcake, which is, it's an insulting thing.
	It's actually a cop vernacular.
	Cops like to call people cupcakes and marshmallows because we're soft.
	I remember in Williamsburg days, they would call hipsters marshmallows because they're soft and white.
	Maybe turn off your phone when we're shooting a show.
	I did a video about that called the M word, which I bet you can't find because I've been depersoned.
	So it's what he calls me a cupcake because it's cop vernacular, but it's probably old school like 80s black guy vernacular.
	But anyway, I go after my fourth round, I was feeling pretty good at myself.
	That's three minutes, three minutes, three minutes, three minutes.
	Four different fighters.
	And I go, I go, yeah, maybe I am a cupcake, but I just did four rounds, motherfucker.
	You know what that makes me?
	That makes me a blueberry muffin.
	And you know what's next?
	A granola bar.
	And then you know what comes after granola bar?
	I'm going to be a fucking steak, Larry.
	And he goes, what?
	You're not going to be a snake.
	You're going to be a snake.
	He cracked himself up with that, didn't he?
	No, he corrected it a little bit later, but...
	You're not going to be a snake.
	You're not going to be a snake.
	You're going to be a snake?
	Like, is that a t-shirt or what?
	I mean, that's a tattoo.
	You're not going to be a snake.
	You're going to be a snake.
	I can't stop thinking about it.
	Holy fuck.
	And he was like, it was such a slam dunk.
	And his insults are usually pretty basic.
	They're just like, I'm going to fuck you up.
	You're a pussy.
	Don't make me come out of retirement, kick your ass.
	But like, blueberry muffin to granola bar to steak.
	It's like, he doesn't know what to do with that.
	So he just rhymes it, but then he fucks it up and says, you're not going to be a snake.
	And he ran full speed.
	You're going to be a snake.
	And he was screaming it too.
	Like, you're not going to be a snake.
	You're going to be a snake.
	That's a t-shirt I want to make.
	And then, of course, I can't get this out of my head.
	You know, the rush sort of logo?
	I forget what album it is, but it's super script-y.
	It's in purple, rush.
	So, just across the top, I'm like a girls' record collection.
	Ooh, you could even make the O in collection a record.
	Yeah, that's the Rush.
	Now, you make the word no in that same font if that's even possible.
	And it just, I'm like a girl's record collection.
	No rush.
	That's great.
	Did you make that up?
	Yeah.
	That is genius.
	One of the funniest things I've ever said.
	And it always gets a street thing.
	It always gets a laugh.
	When I'm at a store or something and I want to say no rush.
	Anyway, so that was Friday.
	I haven't been drinking whiskey.
	I've been feeling a lot better about it.
	The problem with bourbon is it's fucking awesome for 45 minutes.
	Then you pass out.
	Then you wet your pants.
	Then you wake up at 4 a.m. in hell.
	Your children have cancer.
	You're getting sued.
	The world's over.
	So just drinking beers.
	I can't remember what I did Friday night.
	I guess it's not that interesting.
	Saturday rolls around.
	I don't remember any of that either.
	But my wife, I was having a birthday party.
	Now, I'm very unpopular in America right now, but it gets worse when the Prowboys are in the news.
	And since the storming of the Capitol, when I walk around the streets of Manhattan, I just get this A lot and fuck you, racist piece of shit.
	They're never there when I turn around.
	One woman, I was walking, I was building snowmen yesterday.
	No, yeah, yesterday with my kids.
	And so I see her drive by slowly by the park, and I see this through her passenger door.
	So I'm like, you mother, like Scottish people can't tolerate that.
	They want to go see the person.
	They don't mind confrontation at all.
	Come up and give me the finger to my face.
	Great.
	But like when someone's like, fuck you, and then managers are like, who said that?
	Wait out of you.
	You son of a bitch.
	And there's been studies on this.
	They've done studies with Southerners who I say are Scottish people, really, of Scottish descent.
	And they walk down a hallway and there's these little voices going, fuck you, you suck.
	And northerners sort of go, okay, weirdest hallway ever.
	Now I've seen everything.
	But the southerners like, who said that?
	Where's the trying to peer through the hole?
	Who's there?
	So anyway, drives away.
	And then later, I see someone filming me.
	I'm building snowmen with my kids.
	By the way, my eldest boy put a dick on his snowman with balls.
	And then he pissed in the snow in the front where the dick is.
	I was like, whatever.
	Fuck this down.
	That is just great detail, great attention.
	Well, the other cool thing is he didn't make...
	His snowman wasn't one, two, three.
	It was just one and then a head and then a little hat.
	It looked like something on Adventure Time.
	Just the bare minimum to have a pistol.
	It was this big.
	It was so big that he had to put a stick in it and then stick it to the torso.
	Like give it a bone.
	Like a truss rod.
	Give the dog a bone with a how'd you do and a talamor do.
	Fucking oh, that's hilarious.
	So I just, you know, luckily now this person stops.
	So I walk up to them and they're filming me as I walk up to them.
	And then when you see this, you're thinking it's you.
	So you're like, I want to talk to this fucking guy, this cocksucker.
	And you imagine he's your strength and your build and everything, right?
	Some peer of mine is fucking with me and he's too much of a pussy to stick around.
	So I see the camera.
	I'm walking up, walking towards it.
	Go ahead, film me, free country.
	And then I get really close and it moves that way and starts pretending they're just filming the scenery.
	And then it starts pulling away and I go, excuse me, excuse me, hey.
	And then the person stops and I get closer and I see it's my mom.
	Oh.
	No, not literally shithead.
	It's a 60.
	It's a 63-year-old fat woman, boomer-angry woman liberal, our arch enemies.
	And she's just a pussy, obviously, literally.
	And I go, what's going on?
	And she goes, I'm sorry.
	And I go, did you give me the finger earlier?
	No, I just got here.
	Same car, same, and I remember a J on the license plate, and there's a J on this license plate, JDP 25, sorry, JDP 6510.
	And I go, did you give me the finger earlier?
	She goes, no, I know.
	I guess I'm just paranoid then?
	And she goes, I would never do anything like that.
	In other words, these people don't have the courage of their convictions.
	I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
	Perfect.
	Perfect.
	And I go, all right, I guess I'm just paranoid.
	She knows I know.
	I know I know.
	Like, everyone's on the same page here.
	And it just shows you that, like, when you sit there and stew and you imagine this person that's a worthy adversary going, fuck you, based on real shit.
	And I disagree with you about like women in the workplace and something valid.
	Strip yourself of that.
	It's a petty cunt just going like, hey.
	Like when Louis C.K. was saying guns should be illegal.
	Because if they weren't, we would just like murder people.
	Like, I hate Barbara.
	She's a bitch.
	Sort of the greatest fucking thing.
	He's a little gun.
	He's a body language.
	And he's wrong.
	But even sort of like that opening artist there, Cassandra Jenkins.
	Totally wrong and totally different politics.
	But when they're talented to a certain level, I can still enjoy it.
	You come across as a bitch.
	Imagine that's how you went up.
	You're like, you gave me the middle finger and you're both just timid.
	No, no, I wouldn't have.
	Okay, because I thought that.
	I was going to say, okay, well, if you did, we just proved that you don't have the courage of your convictions.
	Wow.
	Which I don't think is even insulting to them.
	Again, I'm putting my brain in someone else's head.
	She's probably proud of herself.
	She probably thinks she did some cool reconnaissance and got some good footage for the whatever.
	Anyway, so we're very unpopular.
	I'm very unpopular in New York City and in the suburbs right now, just generally on earth.
	And it stresses out my wife.
	So she's having a birthday party.
	And this is good news because it's some new friends and then her old friends.
	So she goes, it's really important that you come down and do a little cameo and say hi and do your charming little jokes where I have I have like four jokes I always do when my wife has a party.
	It's like, hey guys, can we keep the noise down, please?
	I'm hearing a lot of shit and fuck.
	And I also had the word blowjob, which the kids can hear.
	So we can, I know you guys don't do them anymore, so why talk about them?
	So I go, all right, all right.
	So there's a thing you can do now in New York where you rent a movie theater for nothing.
	What?
	300 bucks.
	You can't choose.
	They give you a list of movies and it's pretty small.
	It's like Star Wars, Magic Mike, 9 to 5.
	Shitty movies, I guess they have lying around.
	But it's like 250, 300 bucks.
	Wow.
	So everyone puts in 10 bucks and you get a theater and you can drink and scream and run the place.
	So she does that for her birthday.
	She does Magic Mike.
	I make her a fake flyer of her as one of the women in Magic Mike with Channing Tatum dancing behind her.
	And it's not sexual with these women.
	They just laugh their heads off and scream.
	So they do that and they get fucking wasted.
	What follows is possibly the worst night of my life.
	They're throwing themselves into the road gladly.
	I thought I deserve to join World War II vets because of all the movies I've seen, especially Stoned.
	I have a new purple heart in women's birthday parties.
	I mean, if I had footage Of this, you would think that I wrote a shitty movie and then got a bunch of actors to overdo their lines.
	It was, I mean, look up a lion being eaten by hyenas.
	That's what it was.
	And I actually made it worse.
	So I sort of pictured my birthday party, like my 50th, was at a bar.
	Everyone wore Hawaiian shirts.
	There was about 60 people there.
	There was no yelling or screaming.
	There was no fighting.
	Everything was cool.
	There's a lot of insults, a lot of ball busting.
	My wife showed up, even though I said no broads allowed.
	I tried to get the bouncer to kick her out.
	And yeah, this is me on Saturday night.
	Hopefully, we're getting all this great footage from you over the weekend.
	Yeah.
	This one I did pretty good with the camera work.
	I mean, I had to use it.
	Well, it was dark, and you still got a lot there.
	Maybe you work better under pressure.
	Yeah, I like the nighttime shoots because I have the flashlight there.
	This is me.
	Like, I know what it's like to be a lion.
	I could have helped.
	No, you would have been eaten alive, too.
	Thanks.
	So, and my wife showed up to my 50th and she goes, wow, this is fun.
	You guys are fun.
	I go, yeah.
	Outside of blowjobs, which judging by our marriage wouldn't happen too much if I married a dude, I'm gay for men.
	Men are awesome.
	And it's not just that we were cool and not hurting.
	Everyone was telling interesting stories.
	And there was cops there, ex-cons, boxers.
	Like, everyone has got great.
	I choose friends with great yarns.
	I don't care what you look like.
	I don't even care what your politics are.
	Just don't be boring.
	I don't have one boring friend besides Ryan.
	And this one is eating the poop all over.
	So I was dumb enough, again, to put my brain into their head and assume that her party would be with civilized human beings who were from Earth.
	Now, I know they've been watching Magic Mike, right?
	So they come downstairs.
	We have a karaoke machine downstairs, but it's Bluetooth.
	It's a little bit tricky.
	I'm cheap.
	So my entertainment system is not one of these push the on button.
	You've got to like turn off your Bluetooth.
	You've seen my entertainment system.
	Which is a disaster.
	Hanging with cords, literal cords.
	Like, you know, these twisty, you know, twist ties?
	Well, if you go to Home Depot, you can get big, long ones.
	They're for like tying up a tree and stuff.
	So that's what's holding my projector to pipes on the roof.
	It looks terrible.
	And no one else can run it but me.
	And even I spend about 20 minutes every time I want to watch a movie.
	Anywho, so I think, wouldn't it be funny if I go down there and do my same old, hey guys, music's getting kind of loud and I'm, and then just go and whip my pants on?
	Yeah.
	So my daughter and I were watching a movie, which is, it's a little late.
	I'm a little late on this.
	You've probably seen it, but have you fucking seen Hereditary?
	No.
	Again, I have PTSD.
	I feel like I've been raped by a good friend.
	Oh, I wanted to see.
	This is scary.
	I heard.
	Dude.
	I heard this is scary.
	It is so fucking intense.
	From somebody who doesn't get scared, I heard this was bothering or troublesome.
	It's beyond scared.
	I'm not scared.
	I'm changed.
	Oh, shit.
	I want to see this.
	I'll never be the same again.
	I don't wish I could unsee it, but it's just so vivid and fucking intense.
	Look at that kid.
	He looks like that Scottish comedian.
	So mom dies.
	She's in hospice for a while.
	They weren't that close to her.
	She's got a daughter who seems kind of special.
	She's got the same disease that the kid in Stranger Things has, where your face doesn't form right.
	Who are you to say what's right or wrong for the forming of a face?
	She was a very difficult woman pigeon.
	And it turns out that her mother was in the occult.
	And what these people do...
	The spoilers?
	I'm being delicate here.
	But they deal with death and the afterlife and haunting and taking over bodies and stuff.
	That's all I'll do.
	But this gets scarier and scarier and more and more supernatural as it goes on until the very end, which is just like beyond horror.
	Beyond.
	So I'm done.
	I'm done.
	I'll never financially recover.
	I'll never mentally recover from this.
	So I'm watching that with my daughter, who's tough and cool, and she's 14.
	And I go, you want to sleep in mom's bed tonight?
	Why are you talking to me like I'm five?
	Meanwhile, she did sleep in mom's bed that night.
	Our bed.
	So that's going on.
	And then I hear them come in and they're just like, boom, boom, boom.
	It's like 12 women screaming constantly.
	Like the laughing is just a scream.
	It's indistinguishable from a scream.
	So then they go downstairs and I'm hearing my name being screamed.
	Screamed.
	Not like Gavin, but I have fear.
	I'm scared.
	And the horror movie isn't helping things.
	So I think, I've had a plan all day where I'm going to do a strip tease.
	So I come downstairs.
	And I'm thinking they're going to be civilized, like my birthday party, but the screaming is scaring me.
	So we took a break from the movie and my daughter helped me make these pants where I cut off all the sides of the pants and then with like packing tape, like not too strong, I taped them back together.
	So they'd be easy rip aboffable.
	And then for my t-shirt, I just cut the front and then taped it to my skin.
	So it had no back.
	My back was my skin.
	That's cool.
	Which is weird because you can't really walk or the tape comes undone.
	So I'm walking like this down the stairs and my pants are starting to sag.
	So as I'm talking to them, the front of my pants is sag so much you can see my underwear.
	It's like imagine normal pants, but the waist is size 80.
	So I go, hey ladies, the music's really loud right now.
	And they go, oh, sorry.
	And I go, I've had enough of this.
	And I go, and then I go, and then I realize I don't have any dances.
	I haven't been to a male strip club before.
	I don't even know what their moves are.
	Like, do they dance like they're dancing or do they just jive?
	Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
	So I don't know what to do.
	So, and then the other part is they all start screaming.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like, I might as well have gone down there with a little baby and said, hey, did I tell you I have a newborn?
	And then pulled its head back.
	It's blood just went, oh, thank God.
	Like, that's how they were screaming.
	I'm not exaggerating.
	None of this will be exaggerations.
	So, blood's shooting everywhere, they're screaming, and I'm dancing around.
	And as I'm dancing, I'm getting kind of scared.
	Like, two of them have fallen, they're on the ground, and the others are screaming.
	They're clawing at me too, I guess because they saw a magic mic, and they're grabbing my underwear.
	And then, so I run upstairs, and then my wife has a Chippendales night shirt.
	So, that's my second act.
	So, I come down.
	All I'm doing right now is feeding meat to the hyenas, and they're getting crazier and crazier.
	So, what was already a volatile situation, I just made way worse.
	Now they're out of fucking control.
	And I come downstairs in my Chippendales outfit, and they're going, Gavin, make the karaoke work.
	Now, my wife's made this karaoke work a hundred times.
	It's her machine, but because she's drunk, all the buttons on the iPad are in Chinese, and they just keep, and I'm like, stop, stop, stop.
	And they're screaming at me, screaming at me.
	And then they're like, Gavin, Gavin.
	So as I'm trying to make her phone, which is a dumb idea because you can't see the lyrics on a phone, it should be on an iPad.
	Where's the iPad?
	As I'm trying to make their phone work on the Bluetooth, the women are screaming at me, and I'm getting scared.
	Like, stop.
	And I can't say, shut the fuck up.
	Because the whole reason I'm there is to ingratiate myself with Emily's new friends and try to help our reputation in town.
	So I'm just taking it on the chin, which is not the Scottish way.
	At one point, one of them is screaming at me that she wants her phone to go with this Bluetooth speaker, which is separate from the karaoke.
	She also wants the TV on, the projector to be on, even though we have two disco balls going, because she wants some action over there.
	That's just a blank wall.
	So I have to find a show that's a good background show, like The Lost Boys is what I ended up finding, because it was news before that.
	So I'm dealing with those two spinning plates.
	Then she goes, I want booze.
	Do you have any Coke?
	And so now I don't have any Coke, but now I have to get booze.
	I don't know what my wife got you for booze.
	And then they're still screaming about the karaoke and they're holding microphones going, hello, check, check.
	And that's deafening.
	So I eventually get the karaoke going.
	And then it's on a phone.
	I go, I'm going to go get the iPad because they're squinting to see the lyrics.
	And the mic plugs are sort of cackling a little bit.
	Oh, yeah.
	Which is loud.
	And it's not loud enough now.
	It's got quiet for some reason.
	All the volumes are on full.
	Oh, Jesus Christ.
	Remembering it is giving me PTSD.
	And then as I get up, this woman's like, Gavin, Gavin.
	And she goes, I want music on.
	But there is music.
	It's karaoke.
	You want to listen to music at the same time?
	And I go, I feel like I'm Mexican here.
	And then her friend, their newest friend, was like, what did you just say?
	And I go, I feel like I'm some sort of illegal alien that's been hired here to take abuse.
	She goes, you can't say that.
	Why do you think you're in so much trouble these days?
	And I was thinking about it and I go, that's exactly how I feel.
	I'm not trying to be hyperbolic.
	I'm not trying to be racist.
	I felt like some sort of servant who, like an illegal alien, they couldn't call the cops because they're going to get arrested.
	So I pretty much nailed it on the head.
	Yeah, and they were the racist.
	They were the ones picking on a Mexican.
	They were treating you like a Mexican.
	And I was like, who's going to clean your toilet, Sir Donald Trump?
	So eventually, once I get the karaoke machine going, I just run upstairs, petrified, shaking, a mere shell of a man.
	And I got to get back to the horror movie.
	So I'm watching the horror movie with my daughter.
	You have to see this movie if you haven't seen it.
	It's not scary.
	It's disturbing.
	It changes you.
	There's this one scene at the very end where a certain lady who may or may not be dead may or may not be praying to someone or something.
	And it's burned into my cranium.
	I see it when I'm driving and be like, yeah.
	Even today, I was driving my daughter to school and I was looking in a car and then I looked forward and I was too close to a car.
	It wasn't a slam break or anything, but it reminded me of the movie.
	I was like, even after you turn off the movie, you're in the movie.
	Me and my buddy Steve Durand used to call it the movies.
	Where, you know, when you're in a movie and then after you're still in it?
	Like a Rocky type movie and you're like, Adrian, hey, this is a yo.
	So then I'm watching the movie and I can hear them screaming for me, calling for me.
	I'm like, more chores, more things that have to go smoothly.
	Mike!
	That's perfect.
	Go back.
	Mikey!
	That was my night.
	Mikey!
	Change Mikey.
	That is not a molecule of an exaggeration.
	It might be underwhelming.
	Change Mikey to Gavin, and that's what it is.
	Come on, man.
	Mikey!
	So then, women love men as much as we do, by the way.
	So they start wanting men there.
	They know they're fucking lunatics.
	What do you do at a turkey farm with all female turkeys?
	Ryan?
	Oh, you bang the turkeys.
	You bang the turkeys.
	You fuck turkeys.
	Nailed it.
	No.
	You get a male turkey in there.
	Whether he's not for breeding, they just sort of calm the place.
	Same with cows.
	You get a bull in there.
	Calms the place.
	And being good at it.
	So this one chick, this Asian chick, goes, I want to get my friend Billy.
	And I said, no.
	Like, you don't invite a dude to a girl's night.
	This is the ladies.
	This is their big night.
	So she invites him anyway.
	And, oh, here's another thing that was going on.
	I think, like, my wife has a lot of new friends.
	And I think each of them thought, I'm kind of her bestie.
	And we're going to bond tonight.
	But they didn't get her.
	Like, you have to choose one.
	And here's my theory.
	Men can be second best.
	We still eat.
	We're still, we just won't get the tender loin, but we'll still get a leg bone we can bring to our family.
	They can be eighth Best.
	Women cannot be second best, or they don't get the man, and then they can't procreate.
	So, women don't do very well with second place.
	That's why they're so competitive in high school.
	That's why they can be so cunty because everything at stake.
	Nothing is really at stake for us, men, which is probably why we're so groovy.
	And I'm saying this as a feminist.
	Women have more at stake.
	They're trying to breathe.
	They're trying to continue the species.
	So if the male says no, they're dead.
	I want to be a woman.
	So they could go to the second best male.
	Yeah, I know what you're saying, but that's not the way procreation works.
	You know, look at how birds mate.
	The bird does the craziest dance, almost kills the other competing male bird, and then she fucks him.
	You're trying to improve the species.
	If you go to the second best, not your best option, you failed.
	You failed humanity.
	That's precisely the bird I was thinking of today.
	Wow, you're pretty on today there, Ryan.
	Is your limes not kicking in today?
	Maybe.
	I mean, moose will murder each other trying to get the mate.
	Anyway, so one of them was getting kind of bitter, this Jewish woman.
	And my buddy Robbie shows up.
	And I can't, I'm like, I wanted to grab him and take him to like my lair, my den, and be like, dude, what the fuck?
	This is like someone, you remember Snakes on a Plane where they gave him that weird pheromone?
	Someone gave these bitches the Snakes on the Plane drug.
	They're fucking murdering people.
	And they're going to murder each other.
	Oh my God.
	And they're so volatile, too.
	They're like, I love you.
	Come here.
	Come here, Gabby.
	I love you.
	Everyone hates you.
	You're a family man.
	I always tell people, I always defend you.
	And then they kiss me.
	I love you.
	I love you.
	I love you.
	And I'm like, get off of me, you fucking wet woman.
	Not fucking good, you fucking rat.
	You fucking rat.
	At one point, Gavin, Gavin, Gavin!
	And I'm like, it's like a firecracker.
	And I did the nicest aggressive thing I could do where I go, please stop screaming my name at me.
	Smiling.
	And then she's instantly crushed.
	I always defend you.
	Oh, yeah.
	I've done nothing but love you.
	And you fucking attack me?
	And then I'm like, oh, God.
	And then she'd be up again.
	Hi.
	It's up and down and up and down.
	And I'm sweating.
	I'm not.
	And they're like, why don't you get drunk?
	I can't get drunk.
	I could fucking mainline bourbon right now, but my adrenaline is pounding so much trying to make you lunatics calm and smooth.
	Don't worry.
	I haven't forgotten any of the previous changes.
	At one point, one of them has, they're drinking red wine in red solo cups.
	Great idea.
	We have white carpets in the basement and a projector that's all white.
	So one of them is like, I love you.
	She wraps her arms around her friend, splatters red wine all across the carpet and all on the projector.
	So then I'm running around.
	I don't want it to set.
	So I get bleach wipes for the screen.
	As they're still parting, I'm like, cleaning up after them like the Mexican.
	And then I'm getting like a wet bucket with soapy water and scrubbing.
	And then the one who smells like, that wasn't me.
	And then she's got bleach wipes and she's like.
	And I'm like, I got it.
	I got it.
	All she's doing is spreading it around and making the bleach all bubbly so it's like making the carpet whiter than it should be.
	So, yeah, one of them invites this guy, Billy.
	And I'm like, what the fuck?
	And he's young.
	He's like a young hunk.
	And he starts making out with the hot ones who are either widows or single or whatever.
	Right?
	And he's groping other moms too.
	And they don't seem to care.
	They're like, whatever, that's that hunky guy.
	I guess Magic Mike fucked him up.
	And then I go, hey, man, how you doing?
	You like scotch and something?
	And he's like an ex-Marine, or he says he is.
	He's lying about where he lives.
	I don't know what the fuck's going on with this guy.
	And then he gets drunk.
	And I get given scotch a lot.
	I don't like it.
	So I've got tons of Macmillan, McLimmon, McMum, something like that.
	McLivets?
	Macmillan?
	I think it's Macmillan.
	And I go, oh, good.
	You're a scotch guy.
	We can finish this off.
	I've had it for fucking since Christmas.
	And he goes, no, I don't drink that.
	That's shit.
	I remember it being pretty expensive.
	No, it's not that.
	It's a tall bottle.
	Anyway, it was too shitty for him.
	He wasn't interested.
	But he actually helped sort of mediate the room.
	And things got a little less loud.
	Then they decide they're going to go to another room and they start playing my records.
	You can imagine my vinyl now.
	It's just a stack of black.
	Just a cylinder of homeless vinyl.
	No alphabetization.
	Congratulations.
	It's going to take me probably 45 minutes to find the sleeves for everything and then re-alphabetize it all.
	Anyway, I'll take it.
	It's your birthday, whatever.
	But when I'm upstairs, one of the dads shows up to pick up one of the moms, and he's a friend of mine.
	So I want to take him into the den, that guy I was telling you about.
	But I have to leave him alone.
	I go, dude, I cannot believe this.
	But I'm watching a horror movie with my daughter.
	She's shitting her pants.
	Can you just sit here for a bit with the beard?
	It's got like six minutes left.
	He's like, all right, don't worry about it.
	I should have hid him in another room.
	That's what I should have done.
	But I watched the rest of the horror movie with my daughter.
	You okay?
	You okay?
	Yeah, I don't care.
	Meanwhile, her eyes are like this.
	I'm not scared.
	The movie was stupid.
	I can't wait to go to bed.
	I think she finally went to bed at 3.30 a.m.
	And I go, honey, it's 2 o'clock in the morning.
	You're still up?
	And she goes, she goes, it's the weekend.
	I don't have a bedtime on the weekend.
	I go, yeah, you do.
	Okay.
	It's later than usual, but it still exists.
	I'm fine.
	I'm just talking with my friends.
	So I come back downstairs and one of them, the Jewish woman, is looking at my buddy and she goes, you're a fucking Jew.
	What?
	He's not.
	He's Italian.
	Well.
	No?
	Could they be farther apart?
	This is white.
	This is Jewish.
	This is Italian.
	I don't know.
	Old Robert De Niro and old Al Pacino, they look Jewish now.
	Like, old Italians are Jews.
	Even my Jewish friends say.
	New Yorkers.
	There's a lot of factors in that.
	They become Jews.
	That's not a Jew.
	No.
	Tomato, tomato.
	Anyway, he's like, all right.
	Like, he owns bars.
	So he's an expert.
	He's not stressed.
	Plus, he has no stakes.
	He could care if this woman lives or dies.
	He's never seen her before.
	And I think she was mad that my wife had chosen another best friend for the party.
	So she was like, fuck these bitches.
	Wow.
	Did you like Magic Mike?
	I don't need to see that shit.
	Fucking bullshit.
	You know what she told me, though?
	She's a trainer, and she told me that she trains this couple that just moved here from Brooklyn.
	And they said, did you know Gavin McInnis lives in this town?
	She goes, yeah, I train his wife.
	And they go, oh my God.
	We're thinking of moving.
	Moving.
	Because of all the stray bullets.
	When it came through their window.
	We got to get out of here.
	That Gavin is trouble.
	We don't like to hear the marches and the anthems.
	Yeah.
	What the fuck?
	There's too many Proud Boy rallies in this town.
	They keep meeting on their motorcycles, rolling through town, smashing windows, grabbing random girls off the street and throwing them on the backs of their motorbikes.
	We can't be privy to that crap.
	Even if you're like, who was the guy, who started the Hells Angels, that main guy who's like 89 years old?
	Not Chuck Zito.
	He was the best Hells Angel, but the original guy, Sonny Barger.
	Say Sonny Barger lived in your town.
	What do you think's going to happen?
	It's going to be just Harley's rolling through town at all times?
	It's not going to happen.
	Anyway, and then she's like, where'd you grow up?
	So aggressive.
	Like, they really are aggressive.
	They should not drink alcohol.
	You know what we do when we're drunk?
	We come up with really funny ways to insult you.
	Like, so that guy, that chick's not calling me back.
	I guess I'm dumped.
	Yeah, it must hurt to be dumped by someone who's clearly so perceptive.
	Mean things that hurt you today.
	It's a joke.
	So then he goes, I grew up in Queens.
	She's like, did you have a backyard, front yard?
	And he goes, yeah, it wasn't very big, obviously.
	It was like as big as this kitchen, I guess.
	Maybe two of these kitchens.
	Bullfucking shit.
	And then I'm like, yeah, why are you lying?
	She goes, did you have a barbecue?
	And he goes, yeah, I had a barbecue.
	Bull fuck.
	You're lying.
	Did you have like a barbecue set?
	And he goes, yeah, if you have a barbecue, you have a barbecue.
	Bull fucking shit.
	You fucking liar.
	And I'm like, yeah, you fucking lying piece of shit.
	You didn't have $100 for a barbecue and another $30 for various utensils used to play with burgers.
	Like, it was just unbridled aggression for no reason.
	And then another woman thing is, like, my thing is I jounce my leg.
	I'm always bouncing it up and down, or I'm moving my foot like this when I watch TV.
	I'm a high-strung dude.
	And she's like pushing on my leg, holding my leg down, going, stop, stop.
	Like, they want to intervene.
	Unless your foot is on her chair, why would it matter to her?
	Yeah.
	I don't understand if we were on a long steel bench and me shaking my knee was making her go, but I'm on my own chair with wood floors.
	You're not getting any of these jiggles.
	And then she turns over to me, and I'm wearing my American flag thing I wear all day because it's a handy mask.
	If I have to go to the liquor store.
	And she goes, what the fuck's with you anyway?
	I go, pardon me?
	You fucking America.
	You're not even American.
	You're not even American.
	Yeah, well, I find that immigrants tend to be the most patriotic because they're very grateful to be here.
	Fuck you, fucking Canadian.
	I go, well, I was actually born in Britain.
	So you're nothing.
	You're nothing.
	And you wear this.
	Get the fucking flag off.
	You're not even Scottish.
	You changed your name, you pussy.
	Jesus.
	Because I told her that.
	And I go, actually, my grandfather changed his name because he was an Irish bookie and no one would give bets to give their money to an Irishman.
	You're two generations off with that insult.
	It just keeps going and going.
	And then they're in the front room.
	The music is blaring.
	And by the way, I can't relax because I'm worried about some of them driving home drunk because they are tarnished.
	This one woman, I could have picked her up and just poured her into a bucket and then just poured the bucket out the window.
	She was amorphous.
	She was, what do they call it when you go from a solid to a gas?
	Sublimation.
	She was being sublimated as we spoke.
	And so I wanted her keys.
	No one told me she took an Uber there.
	That would have been nice to know.
	So I'm watching people go.
	I'm driving women to their homes because everyone's pretty local.
	Stressed out.
	Are you okay?
	And that was, I wanted to stay up to do that because my whole point was to ingratiate myself with the new friends, right?
	And the one that got mad at me for saying I feel like I'm Mexican, I was determined to drive her home because I was worried that she, I had blown burn that bridge with my first step on it.
	Can you sense my stress?
	It was the most, like, we've had our site hacked.
	We had to lose free speech.tv as a name.
	Or we're going to get sued to smithereens.
	We had Stripe Buddhas off and take all of our information.
	Not take it, but refuse to give it to us.
	Keep it in some stasis on a satellite somewhere.
	All of those were the end of the company and the end of my career.
	I mean, what am I going to do after this?
	Start a new magazine called Vice 2?
	Go do a loop-de-loop?
	And that was obviously very stressful, but you sit there, you talk to lawyers, you talk to your tech guy, you figure out ways, you talk about solutions.
	You usually have four or five solutions to a problem, and you choose the most, the cheapest and the fastest one, right?
	This wasn't like that, dude.
	I was sweating, running up and down the stairs, fucking hell.
	I'm talking to you here on a human level.
	Like, imagine you gave a bunch of retards LSD and speed, and you weren't allowed to be mean or inconvenience them in any way.
	That's what I lived through.
	Mikey!
	That was my name.
	Mikey!
	And when I would run down and see what the Gavin was about.
	It was like, I need a drink, Bluetooth doesn't work.
	Why isn't the music louder?
	They always want it louder.
	And then they're dancing with each other.
	And they're, oh, yeah, that's another thing.
	I'm trying to talk to one of them, like, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	Like, come up and dance.
	Dragging you up to dance.
	The last thing you feel like doing is dancing with a retard who's on LSD and speed at the same time and can't be chastised.
	I'll eat your ass.
	So it gets later and later.
	I find out the woman I was the most worried about driving can't even drive.
	Her car isn't even there.
	She wants me to drive her home and it's like half an hour away.
	Like, no.
	I'll pay for Nuba with my own money.
	So they keep parting and parting.
	It was a funny, there was an article in the New York Post about New Yorkers moving to the suburbs with this massive exodus from the Manhattan, the Manhattan.
	And it has a woman in Jersey going like this.
	And it says, since these Manhattanites been moving up here, it's nothing but renos and construction and loud parties all night.
	And I was like, yeah, I'm in the article.
	It's this house.
	Bang, boom, boom, boom.
	I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the cops.
	We're up to like 3 a.m. now.
	So I figure, okay, I can finally relax.
	I've cleaned up all the spills.
	We're down to like five people, including that weird dude who came by.
	I was trying to fuck one.
	I think he was trying to fuck the one who was the bitch.
	Hot shit.
	But her husband, then I hear she called her husband to come pick her up.
	He's a great guy, by the way.
	I love all these people outside of this.
	Not one person there do I dislike when they're sitting on a lawn shirt at a baseball game.
	In this context, just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	Oh, God, that was me.
	So then I hear, I hear, by the way, I'm upstairs.
	Some of the women are skulking around on the second floor.
	Like my kids are sleeping up there.
	And I hear like, right, with their like, they come wearing stilettos like this, right?
	And inevitably, at that time, then it's just like socks or like, you know, bare feet.
	And I'm hearing, all right?
	And I'm like, what the fuck?
	Get down, get down.
	I'm like, there you are.
	Get down, get down.
	Where the fuck have you been?
	You're jukebox dancing.
	It's as big as a whale.
	They have no concept of this sums up the night in a nutshell.
	All right.
	I'm in bed.
	I'm in my underwear, my t-shirt, and socks, like Robert Crumb.
	And I'm finally getting tired enough.
	Like, the adrenaline has finally simmered down, or I think I might be able to sleep.
	It's 3 a.m. now.
	Plus, I know she's going to be destroyed the next day.
	So my littlest gets up around 6.
	I got to get up with him.
	So I'm looking at three hours here.
	Or what?
	We all sleep till like 10, and he's just been sitting there for four hours alone in a sleeping house, staring at a screen, playing his fucking Ding Bat game, whatever the game, Nintendo Switch, which is child abuse.
	So it's either get three hours of sleep or abuse your child.
	Not great options.
	That's true.
	And I hear her say, my husband's coming to pick me up.
	That's the bitch who called the Jewish woman who called my Italian buddy a fucking Jew.
	And I hear, my husband's kind of picking me up.
	He's going to party with us, you guys.
	And then I hear, woo!
	And then my wife goes, oh, Gavin loves him.
	I'm going to wake him up.
	Don't worry, I'll go wake him up.
	And I'm like, and then I become Anne Frank.
	And I unplug my phone and hide it, because if they see it's plugged in, they know I'm nearby.
	And I crawl under my bed.
	I have a laundry hamper there.
	I crawl underneath my bed.
	I'm behind the laundry hamper, hiding, cowering in fear, petrified of the drunk women.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	That's how my night ended.
	Writing my diary from under the bed, talking about the Nazis.
	The why of things.
	I know the why.
	It's called booze.
	Women should not drink alcohol.
	It's bad for them.
	So I had to get that story out.
	I feel a lot better.
	I'll tell you what.
	You know what was some catharsis during all this?
	Knowing I could tell the story and get it out.
	You people are my therapy.
	Thank you for this.
	Thank you for being there.
	Because I thought at least I have content.
	What are you doing?
	Lining up an Indian Joker.
	Oh.
	Quite a while.
	All right, let's get to the Super Bowl.
	So very snowy weekend.
	The commercials were fucking woke central.
	Wokeety, woke, woke, woke.
	Let's look at some of them.
	One of the most disturbing ones was this fucking Amazon Alexa's body.
	So this woman's clearly in a loveless marriage.
	She wants to die.
	And she wants to fuck Chadwick Boseman.
	Okay, I'm sure a lot of women do.
	But to flaunt it, like, first, you know, the old, can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	How about, can you imagine if the genders were reversed?
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	So her thing is, stop, stop, stop.
	So her thing is like, the Alexa, the new Alexa is beautiful.
	But I can't only think of one thing that would be more beautiful to be an Alexa, to be Alexis for the Alexa thing to be inside.
	A more beautiful case, as it were, would be this guy, Chadwick.
	What's his name?
	That's Michael Border.
	Or Jack Borseman?
	Michael B. Jordan.
	Michael B. Chadwick Boseman died.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I always thought this guy was gay because he lives with his mom, but he's not.
	Yeah.
	Well, you never know.
	But check it out.
	There are 16 tablespoons.
	It's just flawless, isn't it?
	I think so.
	I mean, I literally couldn't imagine a more beautiful vessel for Alexa to be inside.
	Blacks can do anything they want.
	How many tablespoons?
	Women can do anything they want.
	In this case, you have a woman enjoying her infidelity.
	As a man, a cuck commercial, as her cuck husband.
	And by the way, we finally got a black family staying together.
	Can we keep them together, please?
	In this cuck commercial, he's constantly flailing, trying to maintain his marriage.
	There are 16 tablespoons in a cup.
	Bear, food just got here.
	Why are you cooking?
	Who's that?
	Alexa.
	Turn on the sprinklers.
	Honey, I already ran the sprinklers.
	Things are getting way too wet around here.
	Alexa, didn't like you was seen.
	Alexa, lights up.
	Alexa, lights up.
	Add bath oils to my shopping window.
	Wait, you're enjoying it?
	That was fun.
	His part with it.
	Alexa, lights up.
	He's a good actor.
	Yeah.
	But imagine this because like, imagine, who's this fucking smoke show that everyone wants to bone?
	Dua Lipe.
	Imagine Alexa was Dua Lipe and she had sort of a catatonic, like, I'm a whore thing.
	Like, Dua Lipe, dim the lights.
	Okay, bad.
	I'm a robot whore.
	And then she takes off her top and puts it on the lamp and is like, just has her bra on.
	Like, oh my god.
	Hello.
	I'm addicted to cocksucking.
	You don't have to plug me in.
	I run on cum.
	And the guys are just staring at her.
	Yeah, and all the guys are like, I got plenty of cum.
	I mean, everyone involved would be, they'd have to get on a spaceship and leave the planet.
	They'd put them in a rocket prison, just like in Superman where they're in those record sleeves.
	That also explodes.
	And people would pay, it's pay-per-view to watch it explode.
	Alexa, lights up.
	Add bath oils to my shopping list.
	Alexa, no.
	Add lube to my shopping list.
	Do a lipe.
	Read my audiobook.
	Now I'm in the bath with her, and she's wearing like a tight top.
	And my wife is in the other room going, hey, what's going on in there?
	My slightly plump wife, who's given me lots of kids and is a little bit past her prime, is looking at this young nubile woman.
	Hey, hey.
	See, this is why I say we don't live in an egalitarian society.
	You talk about equality, yet you get to do all this shit that we're not allowed to do.
	It's called black privilege.
	It's called female privilege.
	White privilege, male privilege are not a thing.
	Alexa, no, don't do that.
	Read my audio book.
	I was in his hands.
	I was being changed.
	This is how much I hate my marriage and how much I constantly lust do Alepe.
	Imagine I was at work right now and you're like, we're going to do the mailbag.
	And then you turn over and I just have my face up against my computer screen going, I want to suck her.
	It's so bad.
	I don't just touch your pussy, probably.
	Tastes like water.
	Perfect labia.
	You could barely fit a dime in there.
	Looks like a little razor slit.
	It's not even a pussy.
	It's just an opening.
	Little pink asshole.
	Round butt cheeks.
	Two best friends that are bowling balls hanging on.
	Tits, little pink nipples.
	Tits and that.
	Same thing.
	Only one has nipples.
	Upside down.
	Same thing.
	Perfect leg.
	Oh!
	Oh, sorry.
	I'm at work.
	I was all fucked up.
	The New York Post gave it four footballs.
	I haven't seen this Cadillac scissor hands-free yet.
	I guess they couldn't get Johnny Depp.
	Isn't he desperate for me?
	This is the story of a boy with scissors for hands.
	No, not that one.
	Edgar, you're gonna be late.
	This one.
	My son, Edgar.
	Bye, sweetie.
	This is my life.
	60th Lancer Street.
	Oh, there's steel cables.
	Of course, the science teacher is a black woman.
	Yeah.
	This is getting so relentless.
	Hey, buddy.
	Stick with the money.
	That meeting would not end.
	Does he talk in that movie?
	I don't remember.
	Oh, because he broke the thing last time.
	You're watching me watch a commercial.
	Okay, I get it.
	It's hands-free driving.
	Go ahead and try it.
	Great commercial.
	That's really smart.
	Well done.
	I have no beef with it.
	That's a hit.
	What do you think?
	I'm excited for all of that.
	I want to rewatch the movie, and I also want to get a hands-free Cadillac.
	Okay, check out this super annoying one, though.
	This is so cringe.
	Cheetos, it wasn't me.
	Oh, yeah.
	And again, speaking of black privilege, Shaggy's American.
	He's doing a fake Sambo Jamaican accent.
	He's an American dude.
	There's nothing Jamaican about him.
	Maybe his parents are.
	Damn it now.
	Just tell him it wasn't you.
	But I caught you at the counter.
	Wasn't me.
	High school play.
	Wasn't me.
	You even had him in the shower.
	You even had him in the shower.
	You even had him in the shower.
	This is so fucking corny.
	Get a new bag of Cheetos.
	I'll buy them.
	Really?
	Two bucks.
	I even caught you on camera.
	Why is he Indian?
	Why is she eating Cheetos in front of her house?
	Yeah, that's weird.
	Why is he Indian?
	I even caught you on camera.
	Remember how much shit he got in for pops?
	That made Majid Nawaz's career.
	Pops?
	Yeah, pop chips.
	See if you can dig this up.
	So Ashton Kutcher played a variety of characters To advertise pop chips.
	He did a biker, he did a fucking scientist, did a nerd, did a hunk, I guess.
	And then he did an Indian.
	You know, people can only do so many accents.
	And when you're talented, as talentless as he is, and you say, shower, you can do an Indian accent.
	So he was like, chibuti booty, I like to eat the pop chips, Buster.
	Oh my gosh.
	I'm Raj.
	I'm a Bollywood producer.
	I'm looking for the most delicious thing on the planet.
	Yes, it's Ashton Kutcher in brown makeup pretending to be a Bollywood producer.
	Look for love.
	This online ad had to be pulled after some deemed it racist, saying the character Ashton played of Raj was a stereotype and showed the Indian community in a bad light.
	Really?
	He's a millionaire.
	Doesn't that portray French people in a bad light?
	I'm seeking higher planes of consciousness.
	And a tattooed southerner.
	I'm looking for something that hat and spassy.
	All of these videos have stayed on Facebook and YouTube.
	So then Majid Nawaz, who's a nobody at the time, does this big fucking browbeating about how racist it is.
	No one ever explains why or how.
	They just go, depicting my culture as racist.
	Like my buddy, my liberal buddy that I lost recently was like, you're so fucking insane if you don't think the Chinese guy in 16 Candles is racist.
	I can't even tell if you're kidding or not.
	And I go, yes, I get that there's a gong every time you see him.
	He's upside down in a tree going, and I get why that checks off the boxes.
	But let's look at the boxes.
	It's an exaggeration of a Chinaman doing Chinese shit.
	If it was a Scotsman and every time you saw him, it was like a bagpipe and he was like, top of the margin.
	No, no, that's Irish.
	But he was like, okay, the new.
	And he had a tartan hat on.
	And then he was always drunk every night.
	You're like, yeah, that's funny.
	You're exaggerating our culture.
	But you can't do it to non-whites.
	Can't exaggerate their culture.
	What are you looking up?
	Show me Majid Noaj.
	Oh, I got the wrong guy.
	Hasin Manaj.
	What's his name?
	Oh, the Daily Show guy.
	I fucking hate this.
	Hassan Minaj.
	Hassan Minaj.
	He's the worst.
	He was hired because they were desperate for Muslim comedians, but Muslims aren't funny.
	So they found a guy with Muslim parents and said, let's just do this.
	The truth.
	Drop the truth on us, Hassan.
	He did this one thing that everybody was Yasqueening.
	They were like, yas, him talking about white people is so cool.
	He's just talking about how boring white people are.
	He's like, I'm sorry, I'm not another, you know, white guy who's just average.
	Sorry, we shit on the street everywhere.
	Oh, he shit on somebody specifically, too.
	Dax Shepard, who was being super nice to him.
	And he said that Hassan Minaj was awesome.
	And then he was like, yeah, Dax is like a five.
	I mean, I went to school with like 900 Dax Shepherds.
	They're all boring.
	Oh, I remember that.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He also implied that Dax Shepard wouldn't have a career if he wasn't white.
	Right.
	Which is ironic because this guy wouldn't have a career if he wasn't brown.
	True.
	And he wouldn't be exciting it if everybody brown had a, you know, job.
	What's up, everybody?
	This is the truth with Hazan Minaj.
	Are you offended by me doing that?
	No.
	You should be.
	That's how you talk.
	That's how Indians talk.
	If you don't know why I'm doing that, it's because two days ago, Ashton Kutcher decided to do a pop-chips commercial, and it was extremely offensive.
	What up?
	I'm Vraj.
	I'm a Bollywood producer.
	I'm looking for the most delicious thing on the planet.
	Tell me why.
	Number one, white dude in brown face.
	Why?
	Because he's doing a race that's brown.
	So you want to look like that person.
	When Fred Armerson played Obama and he was still his white face, he looked like Obama had eaten some bad fish and was about to throw up.
	Funny.
	Even the Metro PCS guys are like, just listen to his accent.
	I like snooky and jaywow.
	Wow.
	I want to taste the sweetness on my lips.
	No Indian people talk like that.
	We don't sound like that.
	You know what?
	Okay, stop.
	You want to be scientific about it?
	Have Ashton Kutcher do his thing into a tape recorder.
	Don't look it up.
	And then have like seven Indians do like, I'm off duty, buddy.
	Saudi can help you out, my buddy, dude.
	And then Hassan here has to find which one is Ashton.
	My bad.
	Guarantee you he won't be able to do it.
	Sorry, it's a very easy accent to do.
	Probably because they're the most Caucasian race there is.
	They're from the Caucasus Mountains, like we are.
	So, or they're basically us.
	In fact, I've heard that genetically, it's very hard to differentiate between Indians and white people.
	If you're going to do an impersonation.
	Wait, that wasn't him doing a, oh, I'm Indian impression phase?
	If you're going to do an impersonation, do it correctly.
	That freeze frame looked like the references don't even make sense.
	When I did this film, the ties very similar to milk.
	We called it Kool-Aid.
	You have a shitty accent, and you're not even being racist correctly.
	What is that?
	Like, if you're going to be racist, come correct with your racism.
	Okay, look, maybe.
	It's a trope people say.
	I'm not offended.
	I just don't think it's funny.
	That way you can keep the high ground and you don't look like a prude.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Tangent.
	But go back to the Cheetos thing.
	This is so much brown privilege.
	Tito.
	I'm pretending to be Jamaican and Indian at the same time.
	I'm not sure what the premise of this.
	I mean, there's a way to do this comically, but you'd have to exaggerate it way more.
	They're kind of taking it seriously.
	You know what I mean?
	Well, did you?
	Wasn't me.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	Well, that's the first time that's ever worked.
	New Cheetos Crunch Pop Mix.
	Wait, is that him doing a Jamaican accent in the talking part at the very end?
	Cheetos pop mix.
	Sereno.
	Second, you're good.
	Again, another cuck commercial, too.
	He's the loser there.
	There's an infidelity overtone, just like this one.
	Not as brazen as the Alexa thing.
	But He's the loser.
	He's the dummy.
	All right, let's do one more.
	Let's do Wayne's World.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's good that they're keeping rock and roll alive with Wayne's World.
	Well, it's weird because Dana Carvey and him have bad blood.
	Oh, yeah.
	He was really pissed that.
	Well, first he was pissed that he tried to quit Wayne's World 2.
	I think he's the reason there's no Wayne's World 3.
	Remember, he tried to get the bottom of that story?
	Yeah, he wanted to write him.
	He wrote himself in for a bigger part, and then they were like, nah.
	And he was like, you know what?
	And like a couple days before shooting, he was like, I don't think I want to do it anymore.
	And they were like, oh, yeah.
	And they're like, fine, fine.
	You'll have all the scenes you want.
	He wrote himself a character arc.
	And then he was mad that he didn't get to be part of Austin Powers.
	But also, Doctor Evil is Lauren Michaels.
	And it's Dana Carvey's imitation of Lauren Michaels.
	He took his impression of Lauren Michaels and they made it Doctor Evil.
	Hey, everyone.
	We're wrinkling.
	But we'd never manipulate you the way all these other commercials do.
	God, we're getting old.
	Shut up that's really sad.
	Totally.
	We're better than that.
	Yeah, we'd never shamelessly rely on a celebrity cameo.
	Right, Cardi B?
	Yeah, eat local.
	Or jump on the lid as well.
	Is Botox?
	Stop, stop.
	Is Dana Carvey no Botox?
	And that's...
	Are these our options when we become old men?
	When?
	While we become old men?
	Like, he looks like a normal kind of old, right?
	We just get wrinkly, whatever.
	But he seems to have done shit to his fucking face.
	He's got filler.
	Yeah, it does look a little filly.
	He looks like the guys, the expendables.
	I think Sly Stone told everyone in the Expendables, you need to have at least one liter of filler in your face before we start this movie.
	They look fucking weird, especially Sly Stone.
	Look up the trailer for the Expendables.
	They all look like they just woke up and they were crying all night.
	And then they ate a bag of salt.
	Expendables.
	And then they drank 37 liters of water.
	The bag of salt.
	I couldn't watch the movie.
	I had to turn it off.
	Oh, even Kotor looked a little fluffy.
	It's time for it.
	Yo, got the four on the left.
	Why don't you take the two on the right and leave the rest?
	You're not the fast anymore.
	Oh, here we go.
	The only thing faster is.
	Hang on, let's see this.
	Well, I got three pieces of work.
	Two will walk in a park.
	Oh, that's bad.
	Mickey Lord.
	It couldn't even show up for more than a second.
	I gotta recon this island first.
	I die like I thought it would.
	Look at him.
	He loves playing in the jungle, right?
	Lad, he loves.
	Look at him.
	They had his juicy, wrinkle faces.
	Yeah, they look so juicy.
	They look like a tomato.
	Someone just cut their faces up and put on a salad.
	I'm gay for Jason Statham, by the way.
	Did you know that?
	Jason Statham was pretty cool.
	He's my top boyfriend.
	And of all the guys I beat off to, he's probably got a good four quarts of cum next to the bed.
	I'm not gonna lie.
	Your guy can probably beat up my man crush.
	Who's your man crush?
	Steve Coogan.
	Steve Coogan is a fucking fag.
	He'd pull him by the hair.
	Jason Statham could rip his nose off and shove it up his ass.
	I know.
	And I'd cry.
	I'd say that's not.
	You're not supposed to have a man crush that's not tough.
	That means it's a crush crush.
	Oops.
	Your man crush has to be in an action film.
	That's the whole joke.
	Hey, look at that.
	He said it's gay.
	Right.
	Hey, look at these.
	He's tough.
	Look at these guys.
	Wait, you might as well make your man crush like Seth Rogan.
	Or like Judd Appetow.
	Closer.
	You're making your man crush can't be someone in comedy, you fucking idiot.
	True.
	Who has a man crush that's a comedian?
	That's just gay.
	You're just gay.
	You're just a gay guy.
	Yeah.
	The whole joke is that you're disturbed by the fact that you find their toughness attractive, not like someone you'd want to marry and settle down.
	Like, no, I think he's smart, funny, and handsome.
	It's like, yeah, that's gay.
	Okay, go back to shit world.
	It's such an easy ad.
	Jesus Christ.
	Emio.
	Right, Cardi B?
	Yeah, iloco.
	Il loco.
	She's 28.
	Doesn't she feel like a 40-year-old woman?
	She looks like a gorgeous 50-year-old.
	Yeah.
	She looks like the hottest.
	When I look at her, I go, wow, black don't crack.
	You're the hottest 50-year-old I've ever seen.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Il loco and your pussy with your pH balance, motherfucker.
	You sucking dick.
	On the latest trend.
	All right.
	Is she barefoot?
	She's got flappers on with some shoes and shit.
	Some doofy shoes.
	Green shoes.
	No, but her right foot looks like it's twisted like an ostrich.
	It's just turned.
	There's also something.
	But she has no shoes on.
	See that type of blanket that's next to Garth?
	That's also on the bottom next to her foot.
	It's like skin tone almost.
	Let's zoom in here.
	Let's do a zoom.
	Let those zombie.
	Because that's every time I see a picture at a party, she always has her stupid shoes off, just like my wife's friends at that party from hell.
	I feel like I haven't had a weekend, too.
	That's true.
	Like I almost didn't come into work today.
	Holy shit.
	Because I thought I would like a weekend.
	I had a hoe day.
	Like a beat up on Friday.
	When I did Race Wars, too.
	Come on, let's go.
	We gotta go.
	Everyone over the hill now.
	What are you doing?
	I thank you for your service.
	Just thanking you for your service.
	Oh, I see.
	Okay, last story before we get to the mailbag.
	This is amazing.
	This is today's show.
	It's called Brown Privilege.
	Or maybe Black Privilege.
	Gorilla Glue Hairspray has gals stuck in hospital.
	So this woman, she used gorilla glue in her hair because she's a fucking retard.
	You know what you do when someone puts gorilla glue in their hair and they can't get it out and they end up in the hospital?
	You make fun of them.
	You laugh at them.
	You ridicule them so they never live it down.
	No, she didn't accidentally use it.
	She said, she read somewhere, some troll tricked her, and she thought, yeah, this will really slick my hair back.
	And then, of course, it didn't come off.
	So what I find amazing about this is if this was a Goomba who had a fade, but it was long at the top, and he used Gorilla Glue, and he's like, oh, I fucking use Gorilla Glue.
	And now my hair is all stuck.
	So I got to go to the fucking hospital.
	People would be him for Halloween.
	There'd be memes.
	He'd be like Gino, Gorilla Gino would be his nickname.
	They'd have Gorilla Gino t-shirts.
	Lots of LOLs with tears coming out.
	All of the responses on Twitter to this woman are praying for Gorilla Girl.
	Well, they wouldn't call her Gorilla Girl.
	There's no way.
	I forget what they call her.
	I actually, I have it somewhere in my notes if you can't pull it up.
	Uh-oh.
	You know, I know this isn't the case, but there's a thing called Moco de Gorilla.
	Moco de Goria.
	And it's a very popular gel amongst Latin Americans.
	It's cheap looking.
	Like that's, you know.
	It's like a real cheap looking.
	And I wonder, wonder, wonder if one of her Latina friends was like, no, you got it.
	It's like this gorilla, like gorilla glue hair shit.
	Oh, she's giving her way too much credit.
	I think that's even too nice.
	But see if you can find it on TikTok?
	No, on fucking Twitter.
	The reactions are amazing.
	It's all just like...
	They're supportive on hey man.
	Like peace be with you.
	Love you.
	You can do it, girl.
	You know, wish you nothing but the best.
	And again, can you imagine if the races were reversed?
	Just look her up anyone on Twitter.
	Gorilla Glue Hair.
	Is that it?
	There's a GoFundMe here.
	Help her out, y'all.
	There, perfect.
	Okay.
	So just click on that and you'll see nothing but like just scroll past if it bothers you.
	She got to go fund me.
	Verify on Instagram.
	Ride the wave.
	Literally making the best out of it.
	Queen, queen.
	I love the honesty here.
	I ain't shit for laughing as hard as I did, but through it all, I prayed slash pray for you to make it through this and know we love you.
	Fucking hair.
	I mean, maybe my beef here is actually that like whites and non-black women don't have this kind of support.
	Like the second, like that, that country singer guy, as soon as he fucked up, everyone was like, fuck you, we're dropping you.
	Morgan Wallen, baby.
	So we both have the same problem, but in reverse.
	Black people will forgive absolutely anything, including murder, and white people won't forgive anything at all, including using a jokey term with your friends.
	You know what I mean?
	Sure.
	So I guess I made my point.
	Just imagine like hundreds of praying for you.
	Two hours ago, she was able to remove that shit all day.
	Yo, that's so good.
	Really?
	Did she post it on a TikTok?
	I want to get an update, make sure she's okay.
	It says hashtag BLM, hashtag Trans Lives Matter, hashtag black translives matter fist.
	Can someone advise her to try paraffin, also known as kerosene or petrol?
	I think applying it for a week or two should dissolve the glue.
	I can't tell if that guy's kidding or not.
	Let's donate to this.
	What's this got to do with anything?
	Well, it's another person in need in Black History Month.
	It's a black trans woman.
	No, it's not.
	It's called a gay.
	Current goal is $200.
	Okay.
	Cover the cost of groceries, clothing, and other living.
	I want $200.
	Yeah.
	She probably gets it, too.
	All right, let's hit the mail B. If you will.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dead.
	Let's turn our eyes together's mailbed.
	Let me touch it.
	Sorry, when I jumped to my computer, I saw an article from when I was looking up Cassandra Jenkins.
	Wolf Alice's Ellie Roswell has shared her story of meeting Marilyn Manson and to further push the narrative that he's an abuser.
	I met Marilyn backstage at a festival a few years ago.
	After his compliments towards my band became more and more hyperbolic, I became suspicious of his behavior.
	No crimes so far.
	I was shocked to look down and see he was filming up my skirt with a GoPro.
	What is he, Pee-Wee Herman?
	Remember Pee-Wee would do that?
	He had mirror shoes.
	Oh, yeah.
	There were no repercussions for his behavior.
	His tour manager simply said he does this kind of thing all the time.
	If he does this kind of thing all the time, why on earth has he been heading festivals for so many years?
	Yeah, let's throw him and Pee-Wee in jail.
	That's so 1950s.
	Remember Animal House when Pluto is looking up through the Dumahices?
	You know, some Porky shit.
	It's such a Porkies thing, yeah.
	That's why I'm like, I'm okay with all this me canceling because I clearly don't belong in this time.
	When I watched the movie Hot Dog, I was like, that's it.
	Have her brother beat him up or something.
	That's it.
	That's what you do.
	You know, if that happened to your sister or something, you'd be like, all right, we're going to beat him up.
	I mean, but shouldn't go to like, shouldn't be canceled.
	He still fucking rocks.
	Well, it depends.
	I mean, should a pedophile go on tour?
	He did.
	His name's Michael Jackson.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because of black privilege, everyone was fine with him.
	And somebody last night during the halftime show, he was paid homage to.
	The whole thing that the weekend was wearing was paying homage to Michael Jackson.
	He was wearing the gloves.
	He got the shiny thing.
	That halftime show was...
	It was well done.
	the production was impressive.
	Whoever was the theater stage guy, and then the GoPro thing he held when he went behind the thing and he's in the room of mirrors.
	Yeah.
	Excellent production.
	Underwhelming.
	That guy is done.
	He had his song with I Can't Feel My Face and I Like It or whatever.
	And I like it.
	And now it's just elevator music.
	Did you see this?
	Music.
	Oh, I saw that one too.
	And it was Joe Biden trying to find his way around the white.
	That's the one I'm looking for.
	Yeah.
	He posted a couple of these.
	Benny Johnson.
	Okay.
	Did you play the mailbag song?
	Whoa, my brain sucks.
	Damn.
	Dear Anal Chinooks, that was my old band.
	This intro is long, but very Asian-inspired.
	Lyrics started around 1 minute 11.
	It is a jokey song.
	Very funny.
	Read description.
	Earth is flat, as your wife's ass, I'm assuming, since she's an Indian.
	Yeah, that's a common saying amongst Indians.
	FBI, flatbutted Indian.
	But my wife's only half Indian, and her Slovak seems to have delivered her ass.
	Thank God.
	Hybrid vigor.
	I got it too.
	That's how I got my bedonk.
	A minute in?
	Sucks.
	Next.
	Cindy.
	Here's Manissa.
	Please check these videos.
	They'd be great for video dropper final video.
	Thank you.
	They just in jiggle time is the first one.
	Second one is this girl actually has some moves.
	Check her facial expressions.
	Fucking.
	This Instagram player is a real pain in my deck.
	Pretty good jam.
	I like bad bitches like a fucking.
	Yeah, they took that from that other guy.
	That beat.
	So it's good because it's stolen.
	I like how they have America's or the world's top 550, top 10 female billionaires.
	And it's all like the ex-wives of white men who busted their ass making billions.
	Okay, just keep doing that for three hours a day.
	And did you just start today?
	That was kind of our waste of time there, lady.
	Sup, G-Fool and Rhyloaf.
	This article popped off my local news.
	I'm curious what your take is on this.
	I want to blow you on the cover of a magazine.
	Jesus.
	We have three more arrested at airport in Utah County massage parlor raids.
	Okay.
	I think I'm finally getting a grip on this and we'll discuss it tomorrow.
	I think it's Asians.
	Fuck.
	Yeah.
	That's bad news.
	I think the child prostitution ring are Asians.
	And I got an article that shows a bunch of mug shots and they're all Chinese.
	So we may be finally solving this.
	And you know what's annoying about it too?
	The icon for the news is like, major child prostitution bust.
	And they use Getty images as the main image.
	And it's obviously two white women from behind, you know, with thigh-high boots walking down the street.
	So your brain goes, white.
	But it should be like, childhood pasatoshan boss.
	Chinese secret.
	Revealed.
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	Wang, yeah, this is all Asians.
	Jing Wang and Zai Chai.
	Zai Zai Lu.
	I saw Mulan on the weekend too with my boy.
	Is it boring?
	It looks boring.
	It's really good.
	Is it good?
	Yeah.
	I'll watch it.
	Really weird lesbian overtones, though.
	Huh.
	She's basically a lesbian and she doesn't want to get married.
	And then she meets an older lesbian who's also a witch.
	Her with the white eyes.
	And she wants to kill everyone because she's mad because they don't accept her, which is kind of true of like American politics.
	Like Amy Siskind and all these grumpy lesbians who want to destroy America because they think it'll never accept them.
	And then you have young lesbians like this who's sort of like Ariella Scarella.
	Arielle Scarella.
	Remember her?
	Yep.
	The one I wanted to get on.
	Scarcella?
	Scarcella?
	So it's Ariel Scarcella versus Amy Siskind.
	Good cinematography.
	Pretty brutal acting in one scene where all the men are eating.
	But I thought, wouldn't it be funny to do an SNL parody of this called Mulatto?
	Because in the movie, she has to pretend to be a boy, and then she comes out as a girl.
	But in Mulatto, he's got like white face on and a blonde wig.
	And then he starts doing shit.
	Like, I'm sorry if this is racist, but black people can do backflips.
	My son's best friend is black, and he just stands there and goes, whoop, and lands fine.
	And I was like, my wife was like, no, no, no, don't do it.
	So they do it secretly in another room because my wife's scared he's going to break his neck.
	And he just like, whoop, boom, no, don't do it because it's racist.
	And David Cho said when he was in Africa, the kids were just, they had buried a tire, an old car tire into the dirt.
	And they're just running at it and then doing flips and double flips off it.
	And he said when he saw that, he just went, black people are different.
	Like at the Earl of March High School in Canada, me and Paul McCarthy and Peter McCarthy and Graham Thompson and James Forcher and Eric DeGrand and Steve Durand and Rick Lull, our crew, we tried to do backflips for an entire summer.
	And we would even put our arms underneath the guy's ass and hold each other's hand.
	I did that in the water.
	It was like a brace.
	And it was scary and shitty.
	And we cannot do it.
	No.
	It's like genetically impossible to do a standing backflip.
	Anyway, what was I telling you?
	The mulatto.
	Oh, yeah.
	So during mulatto, he does a perfect backflip and just lands it.
	And everyone else is going, what?
	How'd you do that?
	And as he does the backflip, his blonde hair wig comes off.
	He has an afro.
	I want to see this so bad.
	What is that?
	This movie that you're talking about.
	Mulatto or Mulatto.
	Yeah, it would be good.
	There'd be other tells.
	Of course.
	Like, he'd be a good dancer.
	But it can't just be black because mulattoes are different than blacks.
	They're like funny.
	Yeah, they're like that.
	Like, I was watching Key and Peel this weekend, and mulattoes are funnier than blacks and whites.
	There's something about that Oreo cookie that just creates fucking amazing humor.
	And because they both grew up in a white environment, I don't know, it makes them even funnier.
	But go look up Key and Peel on YouTube, and it's a challenge to find one that isn't absolutely fucking hilarious.
	I know.
	Holy shit.
	Like another black guy or a cappella group already has a black guy.
	I've never seen this one.
	What's this one?
	It's called Why British Actors End Up With All the Good Rules.
	Now you're going to end up with a bullet in your head for it.
	You can't play me motherfucker.
	I'm the motherfucker that plays motherfuckers, motherfucker.
	Cot.
	Everybody, let's get reset.
	We are going again.
	Nigel, that's great.
	Oh, great.
	It's smashing.
	Thank you so much.
	Yeah, Tom, well, it's been an absolute honor.
	And what a great opportunity to be here and be able to play an American Tuff.
	Well, I'm just so glad that we got you out of that BBC commitment so you can play with us.
	Cheers, mate.
	Cheers.
	Cheers.
	Antoine, listen, I'm just not buying that you're someone that was born and raised in the streets of Brooklyn.
	That's weird, because I actually was born and raised on the streets of Brooklyn.
	I was in a gang and everything.
	Most of this stuff actually happened to me.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	Well, that's great.
	This goes on and on.
	I'm into it.
	Yeah.
	Or the one, the gay dudes, where the guy's like, oh, you have a problem with me?
	Because I'm gay, motherfucker.
	And he has dicks all over his desk and he's listening to rave music and stuff.
	And then at the end, I'll just ruin it.
	The other guy's boyfriend shows up and he realizes, oh, the other guy's gay.
	He can't be a homophobe.
	And then he goes, maybe I'm just an asshole.
	Gavin, this is Latrell.
	Gavin, his name's Gavin.
	How are you doing?
	I'm doing very well.
	How are you doing, Gavin?
	Gavin?
	Great.
	I got to clip that.
	Nice one.
	For a drop.
	Yeah, yeah, good idea.
	That's the guy.
	Look, look, look, look.
	Don't miss the punchline.
	Oh, I get it.
	I'm not persecuted.
	I'm just an ass.
	Anyway, Gavin, Empirious Fagus, straight from the leftist shit show that in San Francisco, comes this crazy interview with the head of the SF school board about changing school names.
	She was chosen by the other board members to lead it.
	I guarantee you this is a black woman coming up.
	And my guess is the process was a lot like that group of idiots trying to get $1,000 on that show.
	The board, who have not has schools open for a year and recently was sued for not even having a plan to reopen, instead focused their time on removing white supremacy by getting rid of Washington and Lincoln as names of schools.
	Head of the school board responds, so it's hard for me to answer that question.
	What was the question?
	They got rid of Paul Revere because they said he attacked a native tribe, but it was actually a British fort named after a Native tribe.
	So why should we take it down?
	She goes, well, it's hard for me to answer that question without just pointing to committee statements that they did not want to include historians.
	I think that's not the process that they created.
	They included a diverse set of community members, people with a set of experiences that contribute to these discussions, people from different backgrounds who are also educated in their own rights.
	So I think that was the makeup of the committee.
	Are you understanding that Chinese?
	She's saying that I don't know anything about history, but I was chosen here because I've had a black experience as a black person.
	So the only research you've done is me search, and she decides what the names of schools are.
	Basically, did you get historians?
	No, we got diversity.
	That's funny.
	So it's not a video, it's an article that we just showed you.
	Hey, Gavin, after Kennedy was assassinated, LBJ basically had the mandate to do whatever he wanted with a bipartisan backing.
	The huge show of support from the American people allowed him to push through all of his great society proposals.
	If Biden just steps down after two years, I don't think Kamala is going to have the support she needs to do anything, especially since she would be unelected and it would look planned.
	If the DNC sets up some sort of false flag assassination attempt, again, Biden incapacitates him, then he would have no choice but to step down.
	Then Kamala will be there to bravely take the wheel after Joe was almost murdered by a right-wing extremist.
	This would give her the sympathy and support to push through god-awful policy and clamp down even harder on groups like the Proud Boys.
	Think it could work?
	Yeah.
	I think it's fucking likely.
	All right, we're out of time, folks.
	1245, yeah.
	Let's jump to the final video.
	All right, here's a controversial scene.
	This is in Russia, which is basically America in 1979 when I was a kid.
	This is my childhood.
	If I was beating the shit out of someone in front of their dad, this would probably happen to me, and I don't think I would get in that much trouble.
	Is he knocked unconscious?
	His arm did a weird kind of a thing.
	I think that he's crying, which is a good sign in a sense.
	Is this unconscious crying?
	Russians do not miss around whatsoever.
	But I'll tell you something.
	That kid's not going to fuck with another kid ever again.
	No, he's just thinking.
	No, no, keep going.
	There's another kid.
	He grabs.
	Look in the background.
	Oh, no, it's gone.
	Keep, go back.
	Look, keep your eye in the faraway background.
	After he throws the kid.
	Oh.
	top right here.
	I'll zoom.
	He's still on the warpath.
	Look at these idiots sitting on the they're like 30 years old and they're on the spinny thing.
	God, you know Russia sucks when adults want to go to a fucking amusement park because it's fun.
	Although that was you when we were driving, you saw a big park and went, well, it looks fun.
	It did.
	So there are circumstances where that would be acceptable, I think.
	Like, what if they were beating the shit out of a handicapped kid or something?
	Yeah, you beat, yeah.
	Or you push them away.
	I mean, in the 50s, in the 50s, if you saw a kid doing something bad, you just go and go, whoosh.
	And no one would say anything.
	In Brooklyn, in the old days, the whole community would raise the whole community.
	So all the parents were your parents.
	And if they saw you making a kid cry, they'd make you cry.
	That's what I'm going to say to my date, my daughter's first date.
	I'm going to take him into the room, clean my gun, and I'm going to go, it's very simple.
	You make her cry.
	I make you cry.
	All right, that's our first show with no notes.
	Nothing to guide us but the newspaper.
	We'll see how it goes.
	Comment on the website, censor.tv.
	Tell us what you think of this strange episode we just did off the dome.
	I did have a lot of stories to tell.
	And thank you for being there while I lie on the couch and tell you about one of the most traumatic evenings of my entire fucking life.
	And it's crazy because I know all these women and I've had dinner with them and stuff in a civilized manner.
	I've gone on ski trips with some of them.
	But that context, what a nightmare.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.

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