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Jan. 21, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:58:41

GOML LIVE #82 - INAUGURATED

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	So, the inauguration.
	That's a big deal.
	We had a 22-year-old black girl talking to us like she's Jesus Christ and a bunch of other platitudes from all sides.
	I hate speeches.
	People always go, did you hear the speech?
	What's speech?
	The speech?
	The thing a guy wrote for someone on a teleprompter?
	I don't care about speeches.
	I like the debates.
	I like interviews where they're off the cuff, but speeches are for creatures.
	That's the kind of slang for creatures.
	It's like Valley Girl talk, like, yo, or maybe like Bronx.
	Like, yo, there's lots of creatures there.
	Creeches.
	Well, now it's just an accent.
	That was the Viagra Boys from Stockholm.
	Like, an awesome band.
	Everyone's talking about booth.
	I should probably have a tattoo on my forehead at this point.
	Like, I'm that level of weird as far as the way I'm perceived.
	Probably going to get a forehead tattoo soon.
	What should it say?
	Like, fucking boners or something cool.
	Boners, yeah, that's my favorite thing.
	Boners.
	What does his say?
	Let me just get his.
	Gavin, maybe?
	Yeah, that's good.
	Made in England?
	Yeah, Made in England seems like a good idea.
	Or a symbol.
	Cross.
	Today's book, of course, is not exactly very creative.
	I kind of forgot that we had to have a book, so I just grabbed this.
	Confederacy of Dunces, the best-selling Pulitzer Prize winning classic by John Kennedy O'Toole, or John Kennedy Tool, sorry.
	They've been talking about making a movie of this forever.
	Jack Black was going to be the guy, but it never really got off the ground.
	I don't know why.
	Chillo, you've got a base.
	Maybe it's cursed.
	I was talking to my daughter today about laughing out loud in books, and I think I could name maybe three times.
	In Confederacy of Dunces, he has a revolution.
	The guy, Ignatius P. Riley is his name.
	And he has, he works at some dumb factory, and then they start, they want to lower the salary or something.
	He's only been there for a minute, but he has a strike.
	And so he makes these big banners like, strike, we will not comply, resist, revolution.
	But they're on his bed sheets.
	And people who are holding them can recognize jizz stains on the sheets.
	And I must have been like 15 years old on a bus in Canada, Ontario.
	And I laughed out loud at that.
	I also laughed out loud in Naked by David Sederis, where you're reading it.
	You know he's incredibly gay.
	But of course, that's not evident in a book as far as like the lisp and the accent goes, right?
	You're reading letters.
	But in the book, he's hitchhiking.
	And he gets picked up by some fucking weirdo who tries to rape him, I believe, like puts his hand on his leg and tries to tongue him and stuff.
	So he jumps out of a moving car and lands in a ditch.
	And then he runs up to these frat boys and he's like, oh my God, you're not going to believe what just happened.
	I was just in this car and this guy almost killed me.
	And as he does his diatribe, they go, are you perchance a fag?
	And then they all start laughing.
	And you're reading it like this is the first time it's been conceded that David Sederis talks with a Lisp as the author.
	And I fucking laughed my ass off.
	That's the only two I can think of.
	I know there's others, but it's very, very rare to laugh out loud at a book.
	Oh, I remember now.
	Gulliver's.
	Gulliver's travels.
	So he goes to Lilliput, everyone's tiny, right?
	But then he goes to a place where he's tiny.
	And they're all sexual, by the way, these things that made me laugh out loud.
	And he goes, I must concede nothing disgusted me more than the size of her monstrous breast.
	And the idea of like a one-inch tall man looking at a giant tit and being disgusted by it, it made me laugh my ass off.
	So those are the only three times I can remember laughing out loud reading a book.
	It's pretty rare.
	Can you fix the fucking viewfinder here?
	So that's the opening song.
	That's the book.
	Today was a big day, but before we get into any of that, we've got to hear a word from our sponsors, right?
	Let's start with Good Ol' Faithful Bubba and Hanks.
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	I've had it.
	My freezer is stocked with Bubba and Hanks.
	Thank you, Bubba and Hanks.
	We enjoy that on a regular basis.
	The steaks, The burgers, what do they got?
	The Wagyu beef?
	I mean, it's incredible high quality.
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	Say the website and promo code with, sorry, the website is bubbaandhanks.com.
	The promo code is Gavin.
	20% off all orders.
	So put that in, you get 20% off.
	This hat, by the way, is a Glaswegian Tam, big in Glasgow, not considered remotely eccentric in Glasgow or Canada.
	Like if you wear this, you know, to a party or something, it's just like you wore a baseball hat.
	It doesn't mean anything to anyone.
	It's not weird.
	In America, however, I've been getting some stares.
	It's like Texas with the cowboy hats.
	Like it seems ridiculous.
	Like, have you seen the cowboy hat even in New York City?
	They look stupid in New York City.
	They do.
	But down there, it's like...
	They look cool here.
	Okay, shall we go through the inauguration?
	I was considering jumping on air at noon today and doing it live, but I watched a bit of it and I was like...
	I mean, it's exactly what you'd expect, right?
	I will say we've officially taken down Election Gate off the site.
	Did we do that?
	It's like...
	I hope it's down.
	Oh, there's some...
	Show the site.
	Interesting news.
	It's still there.
	It's still there.
	It takes a little bit.
	No, it doesn't take a little bit.
	Get it down now, dude.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	This fucking shit.
	Clobatar.
	And every time I say something like this, the guy will go, oh yeah, I had to take care of this and take care of that.
	And then he'll fix the problem in one millisecond.
	So apparently it wasn't a matter of time.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	So yeah, the inauguration was what?
	It was Trump did his farewell speech, which was benign and dull.
	And then what, Amy Klobuchar came up?
	She's an incompetent bureaucrat.
	Why is she in our radar?
	Lady Gagass sang a song.
	Biden, I gotta say, man, Biden's confusing me.
	Because his speech was obviously just reading from a teleprompter, but it was good in the sense that it was well delivered.
	He didn't stutter on any letters.
	The speechwriter wrote a good speech.
	He said, let's try to focus on unity, not right versus left, not urban versus rural, blah, blah, blah, which you should say.
	So, you know, all the boxes were checked off.
	But I'm just amazed that he could read because Kamala Harris may be our first black Indian daughter of a single mom president, vice president, but this is our first president with dementia.
	This is a triumph for the mentally ill.
	Look at him.
	If you've stuffed my ass with enough Adderall and I get to sleep for two days before and two days after, I can do a good speech.
	I heard there was a baby crying at the very beginning.
	I didn't see the very beginning.
	Vice Principal of Under Brock Tobago.
	As a Zoom from home.
	Crucible.
	For the ages, America has been tested a new crucible.
	That's a big word.
	And America has risen to the challenge.
	What is a crucible?
	Stop, Ryan.
	On our new investigation on whether you and I are stupid, and I'm twice as smart as you.
	So if I'm stupid, you're fucked.
	If I'm stupid, you're a worm.
	What's a crucible?
	I think it is a series of challenges and obstacles to overcome.
	Okay, that's retarded.
	I am dumb, and I think it's a glass sphere.
	I think it was popularized by a play, The Crucible.
	But I guess it means like a new beginning, according to him.
	Oh, I'm thinking of in the Marines, the crucible is something that it's what I said.
	It's like optical cores.
	What's a crucible?
	Hey, computer, what's a crucible?
	The noun, crucible, can have a few meanings.
	One, a container of metal or refractory material employed for heating substances to high temperatures.
	Two, a hollow area at the bottom of a furnace in which the metal collects.
	Three, a severe, searching test or trial.
	Sounds like stupid idiot moron pants, Ryan, beat me.
	I think you won that one.
	Maybe because the picture on the cover of the play is like a spherical thing, but it's not when you Google image it, it's like a cup.
	Was the crucible...
	What was that to be on me?
	Was that about witches?
	Dude, I'm getting really paranoid that I'm retarded.
	It's like finding out you're gay.
	Like, I feel like someone who's around 11 and is all my friends are like, check out these tits.
	And I go, they're no dicks.
	I mean, similarly.
	They're kind of like ugly dicks, but there's two of them on a broad.
	Why does her mids, her pelvis area have nothing dangling?
	That's gross.
	It's missing something.
	I just enjoyed a show tune.
	I feel that same way, but stupidity.
	Yeah, the crucible, you're showing the cover of the book there.
	It doesn't have a sphere.
	No, but they have different book covers for everything.
	Like, I can't find the 1984.
	I'm seeing a lot of spheres.
	I don't see spheres.
	I see a lot of nooses.
	It was about witches, right?
	No.
	It was the witch book?
	All right, so let's go back to his speech.
	Not that we're going to glean anything from these platitudes.
	We need to come together.
	Yeah, I know, dude.
	Right now, over me.
	The cause of democracy, the people, the will of the people, has been heard.
	And the will of the people has been heeded.
	We're not sure.
	We've learned again that democracy is precious.
	Democracy is fragile.
	And at this hour, my friends, democracy has prevailed.
	I mean, that's good.
	You got to admit, like, that's well delivered.
	This is not vice principal under Barack Tobagan.
	So what is it?
	It's got to be Adderall, right?
	On this hallowed ground, President Pfizer.
	Violence sought to shake the Capitol's very foundations.
	We come together as one nation, under God, indivisible.
	So we were talking about the Trump's new army video where they talk about how horrible the Capitol invasion was.
	And again, we didn't advocate it.
	We said, don't do it.
	In fact, our boy Joe Biggs, contributor at Censored.tv, has been arrested by the FBI.
	Probably should have started with that.
	But he called me last night and he's like, can you loan me some money for a lawyer?
	I can get a great guy.
	And I said, no.
	To be clear, because this is a weird subject, I consider myself below Joe Biggs when it comes to being a man.
	Joe Biggs has, I believe, two purple hearts.
	He has put his life on the line to die for our country because he saw what happened with 9-11.
	As far as I'm concerned, that puts a man on a different plane.
	He's better than us.
	Just like the parents of Marines who die.
	What do you call them?
	Silver parents or something?
	They're different than my parents.
	They're better parents.
	They're better people.
	They should have different rules going forward.
	If you put your life on the line for your country, you're not the same as us.
	You should get different treatment in the judicial system and everything.
	But I said don't go there.
	I mean, it puts our site in jeopardy going there.
	What if the DA tries to frame censor.tv as some sort of hub where terrorists, oh, gold star families, that's it.
	Some sort of hub where terrorist activities are planned.
	Now, of course, if you're tuning into my show, you'll see me saying don't go to that rally.
	I don't know.
	Don't go to any fucking rallies.
	Why did rallies become a thing with Proud Boys?
	I understood the, you know, bodyguarding because conservatives were getting attacked.
	That made sense.
	But like, especially after the Million Mega March where the point was made, Antifa are scum and a lot of people support Trump.
	Good.
	We're done.
	Why keep going back and getting stabbed again and again and again?
	Like, what's the point of going to Harry's on a monthly basis to deal with people with knives?
	Are you cleaning up the streets of DC?
	Why?
	Anyway.
	I love Joe Biggs, but this is not my fight.
	I didn't want anyone to go there.
	And I cannot get involved.
	I'll fucking die on the cross for James and Max, for John and Max.
	And I talk to their lawyers on a regular basis and Zenoa and Max himself.
	And I pay attention to their books and I send them stuff and I'm raising money for them.
	That's different.
	But anyway, so remember there was that video about the Capitol, Trump's army, and how we're all going to die?
	And I said, this should be re-edited with better footage.
	And several people did it.
	I got to say one thing about our viewers.
	And I hate the word fans.
	They're not fans.
	Fans imply someone's below you.
	We're together on this.
	So our subscribers, our viewers, one great thing about them is that they fucking deliver.
	They made all our whatchamacallits, our interstitials, our little intro cards.
	And every time we talk about a video, they make a great one.
	And it's not half-assed.
	So the first one is the worst one, and it's really good.
	And then I'll show you a better one.
	So this is 2-0.
	Let me make sure there's the right one here.
	I love this hat.
	I'm going to start wearing this hat more.
	This is my new look.
	Yep.
	The greatest threat facing America today comes from within.
	Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists.
	Is that Facebook a little gay to you?
	I mean, it's the lips.
	They are hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs.
	For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language.
	Racism is evil.
	And those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs.
	I'm going to go to the next one.
	I'm going to make a shirt disrespect in the fight.
	Proposing reformists in Army.
	Our weapons will be computers and cell phones.
	We, who are monitoring extremists on the internet and reporting their findings to authorities.
	Remember, before the Navy SEALs killed Osama bin Laden, he had to be found.
	He was found by a CIA analyst working on a computer thousands of miles away.
	It's up to you.
	I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds fucking retarded.
	Video Podcast Network was Windy City Heat.
	That was what the big three were on.
	And by the way, my hat yesterday that had the address was a Windy City Heat reference.
	But this is an even better one, 2-1.
	On or before January 20th, Donald Trump will no longer be the Commander-in-Chief.
	He will lose control of the army.
	He will lose his nuclear arsenal.
	On January 20th, Donald Trump will become the commander-in-chief of a different army.
	Hold on a second.
	If this guy is so horrible, why didn't he do anything with his nuclear arsenal?
	Why was there unprecedented peace in his time?
	Where were there so few wars?
	Why was there so little conflict?
	If this guy is such a fucking threat, we just had him for four years.
	You just showed me all the access to weaponry he had.
	Nothing went down.
	We blew up like an airbase in Syria, I think, one afternoon.
	Yeah.
	But now we have to be scared of housewives.
	He should have been just like arresting gays and building the wall with like Mexican bones.
	Yeah, we're actually disappointed in this lack of fascism.
	Pardoning cool people instead of rappers.
	The greatest threat facing America today comes from within.
	Radical extreme conservatives, also known as domestic terrorists.
	Fucking hey, man.
	Glad to see you guys.
	I got shot in the face with some kind of plastic bullet.
	Shot in the face.
	Some kind of plastic bullet.
	I've been making sure they ain't disrespecting the place.
	Okay.
	They're hidden among us, disguised behind regular jobs.
	They are your children's teachers.
	They work at supermarkets, malls, doctors' offices, and many are police officers and soldiers.
	For more than a decade, Donald Trump has spoken directly to white supremacists in their language.
	Build that wall.
	He goes out.
	Pocahontas, is it offensive?
	Oh.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, I'm sorry about that.
	Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States.
	In the middle of a presidential debate, Donald Trump was asked to disavow white supremacy.
	I denounce white supremacy.
	Okay.
	Wait, are you listening?
	I denounce white supremacy.
	What's your next question?
	Are you willing tonight to condemn white supremacists and militia groups and to say that they need to stand down and not add to the violence in a number of these cities as we saw in Kenosha and as we've seen in Portland?
	Are you prepared to do this?
	He refused.
	Instead, we did it seven times.
	Stand back and stand by.
	Stand back and stand by.
	Stand back and stand by.
	Pretty good quality, huh?
	Oh, cool.
	That was a nice touch.
	Um, Canal Plus came by, and uh, that's two three that they wanted to talk to me about these fops.
	Donald Trump, and proud boys, in the leader, created another one.
	He has the liberty of expression, in its country, surplus of Margot Belcholi, with Julie Patin.
	So, I think what the other guy was just saying before there is that I said that Biden taking over for the next at least four years is going to be a huge regress to socialism.
	And there's a myth when we say make America great again that we want to go back to Jim Crow.
	We actually want to go back to 1985.
	Unfortunately, the left wants us back in 1984.
	I've been using that line quite a bit.
	I'm pretty happy with it.
	The Proud Boys make the white supremacist symbol.
	In mouse Qatar, by Guy Vin McInes, in figure of magines, the family today is controversial on the internet.
	So, what do they say?
	Or what are you saying, I guess?
	America is founded on Christianity and free speech.
	And when we take that away, we have no America left.
	I'm talking about the dangers of socialism to French people, which is like that's like telling them the dangers of baguette and crème voulé.
	Impeachment is fake, he hasn't done anything wrong.
	And I'm saying, I'm explaining that on January 6th, it wasn't the beginning of an imminent boogaloo race war, whatever.
	It was just a fucking take this job and shove it, and angry employees who had been fucked over flipping their desks.
	I don't advocate flipping your desk, but I understand why you left in a rage from your job.
	Here's our new studio, kiddies, and the Bougie Damn Bronx.
	So, that's one show.
	That's my daily show.
	I'm explaining that we'll have the sort of InfoWars type set, a sort of Dave Rubens sit-down set, a bar for free speech.
	I want to have two different things.
	I'm going to have Interviews with celebrities like Ann Coulter and stuff, where we sit down, or Ron Coleman, get into Judaism.
	But then I also want to, at the bar, I want to have interviews with like a plumber and really get into it.
	Like, tell you how to be a plumber or a cop, but someone in sanitation.
	And I won't call them their name.
	I'll say like interview with a plumber.
	I'm really looking forward to that.
	Anyway, you get the idea.
	Bunch of fucking frogs.
	You know what's funny about the Joe Biggs thing is it was on Huffington Post, it was on NBC, and they were relatively fair.
	The worst one I saw was this one, 2-4, on the Hill.
	And it was like, crowd boys smashed the windows with a police shield, which is just a lie.
	But isn't the hill...
	I thought it was relatively right wing.
	Arrested Joe Biggs, HuffPoe reports, CFBI officials, arrested, blah, blah, blah.
	In the video, Voice of the Camera says, hey, Biggs, what do you got to say?
	And he goes, this is awesome.
	Apparently, everything was broken in, like broken open when he got there.
	And he walked in and went piss and left.
	Not the end of the world, but not something that I think is very good for anyone.
	I saw there's kind of a weird civil war going on in the Proud Boys right now.
	Do you know about this?
	Yeah.
	What do you know?
	That it's like an anti-rally thing.
	We're like, stop going to rallies and being retards and rebrand the aesthetic of it.
	Don't associate with the people that go out and get it.
	Well, it was a secret club before.
	Before we got into security, before they got into security, it was just a secret club.
	Like Barney Rubble's wife, Betty, I believe, she didn't really know about the water buffaloes.
	You know, she didn't read about the water buffaloes.
	Your wife doesn't know about the Knights of Columbus.
	My wife has no idea what I do at Knights of Columbus meetings.
	That was the business plan.
	Then it just became Rally Central.
	The loudest wheels get the grease is basically what happens.
	What are rallies?
	Like, what are we hippies protesting the Vietnam War?
	I don't get it.
	I get that once you want to say, hey, Trump isn't being respected.
	He got a lot more votes than that.
	Watch this.
	We're going to go to DC.
	And then there's like a million people in D.C. Gotcha.
	I get that.
	Once.
	The rest?
	Anyway, we should get back to the inauguration.
	But before we do, we're running out of time here.
	And the first order I'm going to be signing.
	Johnny Apple CBD proud sponsor.
	They've been with us since the beginning.
	Go to jacbd.com.
	Enter promo code GAVIN.
	You get 20% off all orders.
	That is jacbd.com or johnnyapple.com.
	They own both URLs.
	And what do you get?
	You get the gummies.
	You get the tinctures taking the edge off your coffee.
	You get the CBD for your sore muscles.
	I'm fucking dreading tomorrow.
	I got a spar.
	The only thing worse than sparring is refusing to spar.
	But I have a new rule with sparring.
	If you hit me in the head three times very hard, I'm stopping.
	I won't stop mid-round, but I'm not, I don't want to do this anymore.
	I have three blows to the head in me.
	And then I'm out.
	But yeah, jacbd.com, enter promo code Gavin.
	Let's get down to the inauguration.
	But as far as this podcast goes, we're going to sign off on the freebies.
	Do we still put this thing on the free podcast?
	Oh, yeah.
	You look like you forgot and you missed like four months.
	Who me?
	No.
	So last week's is on podcast land.
	Yes.
	Promise?
	Yep.
	Let me see.
	I'll kill your entire family in front of you if you haven't done that.
	I'll help you.
	I'll help you.
	I'll help you.
	I'll help you, you bum.
	Oh, Lord.
	So to the people doing the freebies, I'm going to say goodbye.
	And to the rest of us paying for this show, we're going to keep going with the inauguration and enjoying ourselves.
	And then we're going to take calls and do some sketches.
	So what are you showing, Ryan?
	You're showing all your shit, you dumbasshole.
	It's up there.
	Okay.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	I think my favorite part of the inauguration, although Obama singing Amazing Grace was probably number two, but there was this weird black girl who's 22 years old and she's a poet laureate, which obviously means nothing.
	And you know that if you're involved in poetry and you're a young black female, you're probably getting bumped up ahead of like a million white poets.
	Poetry is gay, by the way.
	I hate it.
	I don't get, as my dad pointed out, I don't get how you would go, instead of saying that is a thing, this is a pen, you would do a big maze first and then get to that as a pen.
	But so she's clearly an affirmative action hire, and she does this speech that goes on for about 37 hours.
	I believe it's still going on now.
	It's a filibuster.
	I think it was longer than Biden's.
	It sure felt like it.
	And she has this tone.
	She's dressed like the ambassador to the country of McDonald's.
	And she has this tone where she's Jesus Christ.
	And she's telling, like, you're talking to the new president.
	You're talking to the old vice president.
	You're talking To the entire country, and you have this tone where it's like, Don't cry for me, Argentina.
	I'm a dictator speaking to my disciples.
	And the arrogance is just ridiculous.
	Like, if a girl ever spoke like this to me in real life, I'd go, Get the fuck out of here.
	What are you get away from me?
	What are you talking about?
	She talks like Spartacus after a massive victory, which I guess is what the left sees this thing.
	Mr. President, Dr. Biden, Madam Vice President, Mr. Mhoff, Americans and the world.
	When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade?
	The loss we carry, a sea we must wade.
	We've braved the belly of the beast.
	We've learned that quiet isn't always peace.
	In the norms and notions of what...
	So quiet isn't always peace.
	So I guess what she's saying is pre-riot, we were quiet, but we were racist.
	And it had come from never-ending shades.
	So we've been racist from slavery till now.
	It's been never-ending.
	And eventually the rioters had to rise up.
	I bet she wrote this before the Capitol thing.
	So she thought it was safe to glorify rioting.
	Just is, isn't always just is.
	And the library is where they keep the lies.
	His story, his realized story.
	We have to recognize.
	Cello.
	What was that other black dude who did that thing where he paused in a word that had absolutely no meaning?
	The guy with the white hair?
	Where he was like, we have to talk about the what?
	It was like a Matthew McConaughey moment.
	But it wasn't...
	But there was no meaning to that word.
	It was the guy who was on that show that we used to watch it all the time.
	Remember, it's like one of our favorite clips.
	And he's like, people have gotten to the point where they have to stop.
	It was exactly like Matthew McConaughey and his why of the.
	You know the guy.
	Shit.
	He's got whitish hair, and he was on that MSNBC show where they're all going, uh-huh, uh-huh, please don't hit me.
	Oh, yeah, black guy dude.
	Yeah, black guy.
	Professor.
	Yeah.
	Professor.
	You can find that later.
	Professor Dramatic Pants.
	Yet the dawn is ours before.
	We knew it.
	Somehow we do it.
	Somehow we've weathered and witnessed a nation's parody isn't broken, but simply unfinished.
	We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny black girl, descended from slaves and raised by a single mother, didn't dream of becoming president only to find herself reciting for one.
	And yes, we are far from the city.
	I'm the only one craving a Big Mac right now.
	I don't know about you, but I'm bad, ba-ba-ba-loving it.
	This doesn't mean anything.
	It's just a fucking pile of rhetoric.
	We are striving to build a republic that's not perfect.
	Thanks.
	Anyway, what's the capital gains tax?
	Should there be a minimum wage?
	How much should it be?
	Won't that lead to more automation?
	Cultures, colors, characters, and conditions of man.
	And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us, but what stands before us.
	We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside.
	We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another.
	We seek harm to none and harmony for all.
	Let the globe.
	I feel like Dr. Joe Biden right there was sort of just putting on her gloves going, what fucking horseshit is this?
	Jesus Christ, this is embarrassing.
	Don't you think?
	Probably.
	I mean, I'd understand if it was like Nina Simone or someone who had cut her chops.
	And after all of this work and all of these accomplishments, she was laying it out for us.
	And I'd be like, there's a beautiful, strong black woman explaining what we all have to go through because she's been through so much.
	Even fucking Tina Turner, I'll take.
	She got beat by Ike Turner.
	She survived that.
	You talked about it.
	Tina Turnaround.
	This is a fucking child.
	The pomposity.
	She's talking about the pomposity.
	She's talking to the entire world like she just walked around it.
	Yeah, let me tell you about this world here.
	The worst part for me is when she starts, like she says the first word of the next sentence.
	She says the first word of the next sentence and you know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's a thing.
	That's the worst thing.
	But I just, and I also hate the just is justice.
	That stupid fucking wordplay shit.
	It's like street preacher crap you hear in Harlem when they're selling DVDs about how the Jews are controlling the fucking gold industry.
	Objectively, mathematically, this is just as good as that fat woman thing where I am not beautiful because of my fat.
	Exactly.
	That woman who is like, fat girl goes to the doctor and asks, why am I in pain?
	Doctor asks, why are you fat?
	Fat girl goes to the doctor.
	It's that same level, right?
	And I don't mind that that exists.
	There should be amateur people in every field.
	There's amateur plumbers.
	But why is this woman, this level of expertise, talking to the entire world before or right after the president?
	She's also a very aesthetically, very McDonald's-friendly.
	Dear Cosmo, fuck you.
	I will not take your sex tips on how to please a man that you do not think my body will ever be worthy of.
	Six.
	He tells me he loves me with the lights on.
	Seven.
	Oh, she thinks she's a six?
	I don't know.
	Maybe that was a different context, but I want you to know, ma'am, you seem Italian.
	It seems like there's potential there if you were to slim down like 200%.
	But you're a three.
	And that's just an objective fact.
	I know aesthetically to look at this 50-year-old face, I'm a six.
	I'm fine with that.
	What is she here?
	To begin with.
	Fat girl walks into the doctor's to ask about antidepressants and gets prescribed exercise instead because obviously her depression is because of her fat.
	And obviously fat bodies never exercise and stay fat.
	Fat girl walks into the doctor's office to ask.
	Okay, anyway, so that's what we're watching on a national stage.
	It's just not meritocracy is my beef.
	Like I could, I don't give a fuck that she's young and black, but this is clearly just because she's young and black.
	Say this is true.
	That even as we grieved, we grew.
	That even as we hurt, we hoped.
	That even as we tired, we tried.
	That we'll forever be tied together, victorious.
	Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.
	You know what really bugs me about this too is her anus has been bleach wiped from tonguing after this.
	Like not one person has said, I don't know, I love you and I think you've accomplished a lot.
	It just seemed a little pretentious for your age and your experience and you're talking to people.
	It's off-putting.
	It just seemed a little condescending.
	And I know no one else is going to say that to you.
	Oh my God, her poor anal lips.
	They're probably threadbare from ass licking.
	You and the hemorrhoids versus how she feels right.
	She probably has hemorrhoids.
	She probably feels worse.
	She probably has a pencil broken in her ass just like me.
	Actually, mine feels a lot better right now.
	Nice.
	The Prep H worked?
	No, I don't believe in Prep H. I've been applying it like crazy and everyone goes, you got to get Prep H. And then the guys at my gym are like, you got to ice it.
	I don't believe in any of that shit.
	Things have a duration.
	And a hemorrhoid is like 24 hours of hell, and then it gets manageable.
	This is the beginning of the hemorrhoid is what she is.
	Somebody wrote in hour three with hemorrhoids.
	They wrote in about the metal spoon that you put in the freezer and you put it to your asshole.
	I'm sure that is great.
	Don't eat breakfast at that guy's house.
	I'm sure that's great for like 30 minutes.
	It's sort of like a canker.
	They go, oh, you put salt on it and you cry with the pain.
	Like tears involuntarily roll down your face.
	But then it's numb because it got like overwhelmed.
	And then you can eat and the pain doesn't come back for like 10 minutes.
	Okay.
	I mean, I'm sure ice would help me for 10 minutes.
	I'm not really looking for 10 minutes.
	I'm looking for this broken pencil to get out of my fucking ass.
	To envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree and no one shall make them afraid.
	If we're to live up to our own time, then victory won't lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we've made.
	That is the promised glade, the hill we climb, if only we dare it.
	Because being American is more than a pride we inherit.
	It's the past we step into and how we repair it.
	We've seen a force that would shatter our nation rather than share it.
	Would destroy this country if it meant that.
	Trump was a force that would shatter the nation.
	Bitch, that's your side.
	We've had 10 months of rioting.
	You're the force that would happily shatter a nation.
	You burnt this country down to the ground.
	And I'm talking about Antifa BLM and the radical left, of which you were a part of when you're on the left.
	They would happily destroy this country, and they did it during a pandemic.
	If that's not the lowest blow you can imagine.
	No borders, no wall, no USA at all.
	That's you.
	Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.
	And this effort very nearly succeeded.
	But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated.
	In this truth, in this just like we were talking about that trans health secretary and trying to imagine his sex life, what percentage of the people in the audience right there are just going, oh, for fuck's sakes, whatever.
	Let's get this over with.
	She's young.
	She's black.
	It's good for the books.
	What percentage are doing that?
	And what percentage are blown away by this stunning poem?
	Amanda Gourmand.
	And remember, we're dealing with politicians here.
	So they're a particularly ruthless group.
	Like, they're sort of like criminals.
	They are criminals, right?
	And criminals aren't very gushing.
	They're not very...
	What did that ISIS liar say?
	Gloomy-ish?
	Yeah.
	They don't have a lot of feelings.
	Of course, with political theater, they talk about this and that and how my heart bled.
	But I think they're some of the least feeling people around.
	Like, you and I cry at movies way more than any politician.
	Like the movie Soul.
	Oh, my God, Soul.
	I needed Gatorade.
	I was so dehydrated from crying.
	But I watched it with a child because it's a children's movie.
	You watched it.
	I technically watched it with a child, too.
	She's 18 or whatever she's.
	What's she got?
	Stickers on her face?
	She's admitting voter fraud.
	She voted seven times, looks like.
	One, two, three, four, five.
	Yeah, that's too many.
	The red ones are from my dad red ones.
	Okay, I'm just sorry to bore everyone at home, but can we just hear a little bit more of this?
	How long is this shit?
	Oh, man.
	How long is this?
	That's also kind of rude.
	Like, I don't have any respect for the White House or Democrats, but it's still America.
	And if you're a little kid who is in way over your head, make it two minutes.
	And you can't tell her to wrap it up like there's.
	Yeah, who's going to go, let's play some music, like at the Academy Awards where they play music in the background?
	Faith we trust for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on the future.
	This thing is what pisses me off.
	Like the history.
	You're not the president of the United States, and you didn't just end World War II.
	She's talking like Winston Churchill in 1946.
	Or like an alien that has come down and like we finally get smart enough.
	And we're all like, thank you so much.
	You saved all our lives.
	Before I go.
	Yeah.
	Before she jets back into space.
	The reason I came down here and cured cancer and gave you your grandmother's back is because we were impressed with your ability to love.
	When we looked from our planets down on you, we saw creatures that were not advanced, that struggled, that starved, that were lost.
	And we thought they must have no hope.
	They must resent each other.
	They must want each other to fail.
	And the closer we looked, the more we saw that that was not true.
	The more we saw that humans loved one another.
	This is something our planets fail to do.
	This is something Mars, Venus, planets you haven't heard of, like Hakala, have failed to do.
	And we said, why are we wasting so much technology, so much force, so much science on our own people who are incapable of love?
	We technically literally have no hearts.
	And we thought we will come to Earth.
	And we said, what's the number one cause of death?
	They said, cancer.
	We said it's gone.
	We said, what's number two?
	They said heart disease.
	We said it's gone.
	They said, what's number three?
	They said it's obesity.
	We said it's gone.
	And now we look at you human beings and we think, now you can thrive.
	Now you're fit.
	Now you're old.
	Now your loved ones can be with your loved ones, loved ones.
	Great-grandmothers play with grandchildren.
	And why did we do this?
	Because we're magnanimous?
	Because we're incredibly generous aliens?
	No, we did it because of you.
	The same way that you rescue pandas in China and propagate the species, we do that to you because we think you're cute.
	And we're in awe of your ability to love.
	So at this, the 59th inauguration of the 46th President of the United States, I would like to say to you, you're welcome.
	You're welcome for me as super alien.
	Removing the top three ways you die.
	Wait, why are some ABBOs banging on a stick when I'm making an important speech?
	Some more alien buddies.
	Yeah, yeah.
	One thing we notice about Earth is these guys don't know how to play instruments.
	Yeah, these guys are gone.
	They're done.
	Cancer, them, done.
	Yeah, we're taking them back to Mars.
	We're going to work on them for like a thousand years and we'll come back with a super above.
	Okay, let's get back to his speech.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	Why?
	What are your hands?
	You're used to like this.
	You better be fucking Moses.
	You got to summon something.
	Some kind of creature.
	You better be lava come up from the ground and kill every rapist in the world.
	People like turn back time and fly.
	Or at least bring fries.
	Or at least be entertaining.
	I guess she is entertaining.
	Providing fodder.
	It's the only thing I remember of today.
	She's appropriating African culture too.
	She's not from Africa.
	She's African-American.
	I knew an African chick.
	I was seeing one for a little bit.
	And she would wear those things in her hair.
	And it's because that's how they go.
	Yeah, that's an interesting point.
	The American black dressing African is appropriating culture.
	She's not from Wakanda.
	I don't mind that as much as I mind her appropriating deities.
	She's acting like a fucking god.
	Now we assert.
	How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?
	We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be a country that is bruised but whole.
	Fucking embarrassing.
	The poor soldiers standing at attention too.
	They got to stand there at attention.
	Like Patton's speech.
	Patton had fought in wars.
	What have you done?
	How long was Patton speech?
	You wrote poems at McDonald's and stole their uniform.
	What are you looking at?
	I just wonder how long Patton's speech was.
	How long was this?
	Let's see.
	We'll look that up later.
	Yeah.
	It's fucking long.
	It's fucking long.
	And I know that our viewers are getting mad, but fuck you.
	We're making a point.
	Minute 31.
	Yeah, it's like almost seven minutes or something.
	Turned around or interrupted by intimidation because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation.
	Our blunders become their burdens.
	But one thing is certain.
	If we merge mercy with might into might with rights, then love.
	That's My least favorite part.
	The Naruto hand, like Kamehameha, Japanese anime hand.
	Mercy with might, into might, with right.
	Oh, I notice, notice her little squint, too.
	Yeah, yeah.
	She's powering up for an attack.
	She's like, here it comes.
	I'm like, cringe clans.
	Our children's birthright.
	So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left with.
	Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into.
	Just as bronze, is that like a way of saying black?
	Yeah, they're like the cinnamon just relating it to some sort of other thing.
	Wondrous one.
	We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west.
	We will rise from the wind-swept northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution.
	We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states.
	We will rise from the sun-baked south.
	We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover in every known tree.
	Every nation in every corner called our country.
	Our people, diverse and beautiful, will emerge battered and beautiful.
	When day comes, we step out of the shade of flame and unafraid.
	The new dawn balloons as we free it.
	For there was always light if only we're brave enough to see it.
	If only we're brave enough to be it.
	Please be okay.
	Wow.
	That was utter fucking garbage.
	That was the most irrelevant pile of words I maybe have ever heard.
	This was a really good 12th grade presentation at a junior fucking high.
	So blacks are 14% of the population.
	Shouldn't they be 14% of the speeches?
	Shouldn't out of 10 speakers, one of them be black?
	This guy, anyway, we won't bore you with more of this shit, but this guy was basically the same.
	Dead Garth Brooks.
	And they had Barth.
	Who hugged people and shook their hands with no mask on.
	Aren't these the people that care about this sort of shit?
	Like, what are the rules?
	What's 2-5?
	Where I said seems nice.
	I don't know what these lefties are going to do now that they don't have our bad guy anymore.
	I know what I'm going to do.
	I have a bad guy.
	His name's Joe Biden.
	And the various clowns they pull up, like the ambassador to McDonald's.
	But.
	Oh, yeah, this is his speech.
	I mean, people keep talking about it.
	Everyone at the bar was talking about this today.
	It's just a fucking farewell speech.
	It's almost as bad as what she just said.
	Like, this isn't relevant.
	My fellow Americans, four years ago, we launched a great national effort to rebuild our country, to renew its spirit, and to restore the allegiance of this government to its citizens.
	In short, we are almost as bad.
	It's slightly less pretentious, a little more on point, but still just meaningless rhetoric.
	This is why we hate politicians.
	The rhetoric.
	I hate that so much of politics is someone reading a fucking speech that someone wrote for them.
	I read them books to go to bed.
	That's a daddy reading his little tiny kid who can't read a book before he goes to bed he buys.
	And it's Captain Underpants, for example.
	I'm not a little kid.
	Don't read me Captain Underpants before I go to bed.
	Wait, are you sure that was 2.5?
	No.
	That was 2.5.
	This is 2.6.
	What's 2.6?
	Oh, this was cool.
	The peaceful transition of power.
	Look at that.
	This must be footage from North Korea.
	This is because Joe Biggs walked into the Capitol and took a piss, and some other guy was sitting on the phone with a plastic bullet in his face.
	Did he take a piss?
	I believe he did, yes.
	Allegedly.
	Walls don't work.
	We hate walls.
	What's 2-7?
	Also defund the police.
	Oh yeah, this was a great example.
	I got to do a whole show on this, on the way the media portrays Trump and portrays other politicians, because I have a whole file on my desktop of contradictions and hypocrisy when they report on one and the other.
	And I think what it's done is it's ruined the media.
	I've talked to a lot of people that are just done with the news, right and left.
	They just don't watch it anymore.
	It doesn't mean anything.
	They believed it.
	I mean, the shit you read about Proud Boys is so fucking crazy.
	The Wall Street Journal said they led the attack on the Capitol.
	Nick Ox was there.
	Joe Biggs was there.
	That means they led the attack.
	And then you read the article and it's like, well, they were talking shit on social media.
	Oh, so everyone at the Capitol was inspired by some random parlor chat or telegram beef.
	But what does she say?
	This is just a random silly example, but I think it's very important.
	And I know the Guardian is left-wing, but you get the idea.
	And this one, Arwa Malhadawi, is clearly an affirmative action hire.
	That's who writes our news these days, affirmative action hires.
	Why Ivanka Trump's new haircut should make us very afraid?
	And then the uproar over AOC's hair is a reminder that women can't win under the patriarchy.
	Look at Midnight Smiter.
	I had to triple check that this person is real.
	What is this and who fucks it?
	Mary Fauci Day to President Biden.
	Thank you for promising to restore secular atheism in government.
	I literally worship you for that.
	What is that thing?
	Do you watch The Mandalorian?
	Was it originally female?
	I don't know.
	Is it a lesbian with testosterone?
	And then, is it even conceivable that any gay, straight woman or male would fuck that?
	Isn't that bestiality?
	How much would you have to be paid to fuck that, Ryan?
	And when I say fuck, I mean go to town, making out.
	I want it's, I'm going to say it's a her.
	I want her world to be rocked.
	I want her to be like quivering after, because it was so amazing.
	And I like remember it well.
	Yep, yep.
	What am I going to do?
	Oh, you'd be blackout drunk or something?
	Maybe.
	No, you have to be 100% sober.
	Um, let's see, like $41,000.
	Okay.
	Now, you're $12,000 in debt.
	Allegedly.
	No, not allegedly.
	It's a fact.
	I just like to say that.
	So I have a paper bag.
	She's in your bedroom.
	I have a paper bag with $12,000 in it.
	No.
	I slide that over to you.
	Nope.
	Debt-free.
	You slide it back to me?
	Yeah.
	Because, I mean, that money's gone?
	I guess with you Puerto Ricans, you're like, yo, that sucks.
	Because now I still got zero.
	Yeah.
	Even if I had like $40,000, that's still like people could bring this up and be like, look what you did.
	And I would not have said the way Aunt Coulter got really mad at me once because we had a big dinner with all her fancy friends and they're all doctors and stuff.
	And I was like, how much do you have to be paid to let a bum rape you?
	Well, you can't let a bump.
	Don't bring up subjects like that when I invite you out with my friends.
	But I was like, it's a good question.
	It's an interesting question.
	I wrote a whole article about it in Tacky Mag.
	And the answer is $10 million.
	And you take $7 million and you give $3 million to charity.
	So when you're in your mansion, when you're indoor pool, and people go, how'd you make this money?
	You go, oh, I let a bum fuck me in the ass.
	And they go, ugh, that's gross.
	And you go, really?
	I started an entrepreneur's fund that led to this company, this company, and this company.
	So fuck you.
	I saved the world and my hemorrhoid for $40,000 plus 200 meters.
	Plus the Statue of Liberty.
	So we should also talk about the pardons.
	Not really impressed with our guy, Trump Barunski.
	Yeah.
	Oh, man, I missed it.
	Did not pardon Julian Assange.
	Yeah, that doesn't matter.
	You didn't get that on tape?
	No.
	I was switching over.
	The last thing I would imagine is you break our boy's head off.
	Julian Assange is not pardoned.
	That pisses me off.
	Edward Snowden.
	Edward Snowden isn't as bad because he's not sick and he's safe where he is now.
	Julian Assange is dying.
	And he's already done 10 years.
	Even if you think he's guilty.
	But I think he chose Lil Wayne and Kodak Black because he wants to be popular.
	And he hates that people think he's racist.
	Dude, dudes on the right, they all call us racist.
	They don't really mean it.
	And the more you try to appease them, the less it works.
	So what is this now?
	Video tackles of major bout and racial tension.
	Oh, yeah.
	I remember this video.
	Kodak Black strangles a guy in a MAGA hat.
	No, someone else does.
	And then Kodak Black is dancing around in the background.
	And then Lil Wayne, I guess he feels culpability for that.
	But show the Kodak Black video.
	See if you can find that.
	Just go Kodak Black Strangles Trump Supporter.
	Why'd you give him a pardon, dude?
	That's that opens.
	There it is.
	Oh, cool.
	It's even.
	It's about the KKK.
	I got this great letter.
	Hold on a second.
	I got this great letter about the KKK, and it's funny how much we talk about them.
	Because it was like a documentary on them.
	Yeah, here it is.
	Let's just...
	So that guy had a Confederate flag on his back.
	He's in the KKK.
	He's an evil man.
	Let's see who we're talking about.
	Who are these people?
	These radical white supremacists that are domestic terrorists that support Trump.
	They're going to take over the world, start a race war.
	Let's see these domestic terrorists.
	If your discretion is advised, guys, you're going to be really freaked out by how dangerous these fuckers are.
	Get ready for some serious nightmares.
	Oh my God, this is...
	I'm petrified.
	1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 24, 50.
	20 people.
	They're one of the world's most controversial organizations and the most dangerous.
	With over 50 members.
	Yeah, they better be.
	Look at them.
	Oh, my God.
	Imagine those people were in your town with special access to a recruitment round.
	Four moms and one dude.
	Secret location.
	We go inside the movement members and uncover how they're planning to take up military-style training for what they claim is the first time in their history.
	Looks like if you want to destroy this group, you should just ban donuts.
	Moving to another direction with lower white knights, and that is starting to arm train hand-to-hand combat and stuff like that just for the upcoming battle.
	Established 150 years ago, the Ku Klux Klan have long been associated with racism cross-lightsing.
	So that's who everyone is petrified about.
	And he ignored Assange and Snowden to appear less racist and chose Lil Wayne and fucking Kodak Black.
	Why?
	Do you want to get invited to the...
	I Guess that is.
	You know, I think ultimately Trump's biggest problem is, as far as his social life, is that he's considered Rodney Dangerfield and Caddyshack.
	He's considered Catholic.
	He's considered Scotch-Irish, like me, and he wants to be Tucker.
	He wants to be a wasp really bad.
	And wasps aren't like that.
	They don't greet you.
	You're either born wasp or you're not a wasp.
	Now, I personally could give less of a fuck.
	I like some wasps, but I know I'll never be part of their little gay club.
	I don't fucking care.
	But Trump does because rich people aren't authentically rich unless they're wasps.
	They're nouveau-riche.
	And Trump hates that he's seen as nouveau-rich.
	I think he should embrace it, love it, and wear tartan pants.
	But it seems to bother him.
	So part of being non-nouveau riche is having black friends and being woke.
	And I think that's why he pardoned them and ignored Snow Nurse and Assange, and that's why we killed him.
	We've had this little thing forever.
	And now I've turned into, what's her name?
	With the head.
	What's 3-1?
	I think it's the same thing.
	Oh yeah, expectations in reality.
	But this dude, 3-2, did a good compilation of all the people he pardoned and what fucking disgusting pigs they all are.
	Oh no, maybe that's not it.
	So in the end, Trump pardons Blackwater war criminals, an Israeli spy, a bunch of financial fraudsters, shady political operatives, and even a couple rappers.
	But Julian Assange and Edward Snowden, no further commentary necessary, is there?
	Go to 3-3.
	Look at all the people better than Assange.
	Poor Cassandra Fairbanks.
	She's on fucking, not suicide watch, meltdown watch.
	Trump pardoning a foreigner who came to this country to convince Americans to spy for Israel.
	And then after that, he has just a CEO with a conflict of interest.
	No, he defrauded the United States Medicare program of $4.6 million.
	And these fraudsters are often taking people's retirement funds, destroying their lives.
	This guy lobbied Trump's Justice Department on behalf of the Chinese and Malaysian governments.
	Very cool.
	And then charges weren't exactly overturned.
	Prosecutors chose not to pursue the case further if he relinquished the $710 grand.
	He claims his family in Iran sent him a few million dollars.
	Make of that what you will, but Dianne Feinstein wants him pardoned.
	John Hardner defrauded people all across the country who are preparing for retirement, essentially stealing well over $100 million from them.
	And then he quotes one of his victims, I cannot retire.
	I'm turning 66.
	I don't know how we're going to survive.
	John has destroyed my family.
	He's free to go.
	In this case, nonviolent offense is used to hide the fact that he defrauded 1,400 Americans out of $300 million.
	Life savings, retirements, poof, gone.
	But Clark bought himself a literal gold mine with the money.
	Anyway, that pisses me off, and I can subsume Cassandra's rage.
	3-4, we tend to wonder what these Trump derange syndrome shitheads are going to do now.
	Look at these tweets.
	They're watching him walk away, and they're like, he looks small.
	You got to zoom out, Ryan.
	People can't see the tweet when you show it on the screen.
	As he leaves the White House for the final time, he just looks like a small man.
	Next.
	Oh, blessed day.
	They're so glad he's gone.
	Next one.
	The image of Trump leaving the White House this morning will supplant Nixon's walk and wave as the iconic picture of disgrace in American politics.
	That's just false.
	Fleeing in disgrace, classless to the end.
	A puny crowd awaits him in that.
	This woman, by the way, is one of the ugliest women, Jennifer Rubin.
	She is hideous.
	Just an ugly person inside and out.
	But what are these people going to do now that he's gone?
	He's their entire existence.
	So Bernie was dressed up like a fucking idiot.
	Look at that.
	Let's see her again.
	Yeah.
	And the way she presents herself, too, is what's really hideous.
	It's like a weird leathery Hispanic male.
	So the Bernie meme is, he showed up, kind of pissed off.
	He always wanted to be president.
	And people think that he was making a statement about how mad he is that he's not president.
	No, that's not what happened.
	People don't understand that Marxists look like shit.
	That's part of their thing.
	Have you ever been to college?
	Go talk to a Marxist professor, which is 80% of professors.
	They always have on like a gross sweater with like moth holes in it and weird brown pants and like orthopedic loafers and they'll have big mittens on.
	It's the way they dress.
	It's like a fuck you to aesthetics.
	So that's a real picture of him, but in a pigeon park.
	Love those pigeons.
	Is that really Ariana Grande?
	I think it is.
	Yeah.
	There he is.
	These are all different people.
	There he's in the cover of a Steely Dan record.
	I assume you like Steely Dan because you like all shitty single mom music.
	I do not.
	You do not?
	The song Pretzelogic's pretty good, but I don't remember it.
	I just remember it feeling all right.
	My guitar teacher making me start green sleeves over after I made a mistake.
	There he is in the bathroom at CBGB's from John Joseph Cro-Mag.
	Fantagraphics, but this one up of him selling their various books.
	That's it.
	Is that it?
	So 3-7.
	Wait, is that her?
	Dr. Biden.
	That's not 3-6?
	Madam.
	That's 3-6, Ryan.
	It's 3-7.
	Mr. President.
	Dr. Biden.
	Are you sure?
	We skipped 36, though.
	What was 3-6?
	Oh, that's just the thing.
	She's dressed like Ronald McDonald, and I have a strange suspicion that her dad dresses like the hamburgler.
	That's a possibility.
	All right.
	I should probably get some paper, and we should probably take some calls.
	Yes.
	And before we do, let's hit the boat.
	You are on air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You don't need to learn here.
	Understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	All right, next call.
	I should warn everyone, I'm going to be completely ruthless today in order to get through the calls.
	So if you fart or blink, I'm cutting you off.
	Ooh, new bumper, check it out.
	Submission by Chris.
	Black good, white bad, black, white bad, rideworld, your bad.
	You're mad.
	Kind of long, but cool.
	I have no comment.
	I'm going to do a drawing of me holding Trump's head, like what's your name?
	20 seconds.
	20 seconds?
	That's a long ass time, motherfucker.
	By the way, folks at home, if you haven't received your sketches from a previous thing, I gotta admit, I was swamped with the whole payment processing thing.
	So I wasn't paying attention to sending you your sketches.
	I got them all.
	I got your names.
	I'm going to get on that probably on Friday.
	I just sort of felt like I couldn't breathe until we knew if we had a payment processor.
	I also have everyone cracking down on everything Proud Boy.
	So I was worried about it getting shut down.
	Because Vice got my cameo shut down.
	Because I'm raising money for a black family, and that's racist.
	We have a call.
	We have plenty of calls.
	All right, what do we got?
	Any giveaways or no?
	No, I didn't see any.
	All right.
	Hey, you're on the line.
	How are you guys doing?
	Hey, man.
	Yeah.
	Just watching the inauguration today at work because all my patients like to watch fucking CNN and MSNBC.
	Have you noticed that all these reporters and journalists are basically beating off while they're talking about Biden and the fucking Dr. Biden and all his bullshit?
	It's like they're having literal orgasms on here.
	Well, we saw this with Obama, right?
	Like the questions were all softball questions and they would calm themselves.
	It's just non-news.
	And I think what's going to happen is people are just going to not watch.
	Like who's going to watch CNN now just to watch someone lick Joe Biden or Kamala Harris's ass?
	Yeah, and these people are just fucking so fucking dramatic.
	And the people watching them too, like, you know, I'll be in a guy's room where I work anyway.
	And this one patient I had was a Marine, and he was literally in tears about how bad Trump was.
	And he's crying about how terrible Trump was and how happy he is that Biden's in.
	People are just fucking brainwashed.
	How is it a Marine?
	I don't get that.
	He was a fucking Marine in fucking Vietnam.
	He was telling me about all these stories about him and how he has PTSD and he won't take medication because of, you know, he doesn't want to start taking anti-anxiety meds, but he was literally bursting out in tears when he was talking about Trump.
	It was pathetic.
	Yeah, it sounds like he's...
	He started laughing.
	He needs meds.
	He's awesome.
	Yeah, it was really awkward because I started laughing because he started doing that.
	I literally thought he started talking about Trump and I thought he was laughing, so I just started laughing.
	But then he was doing the Van Jones thing.
	And I was laughing.
	All right, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	Great points.
	See, that's how fast we're going to be this time around.
	You have been silenced.
	We got Lewis.
	Hey, what's up, Gang, Gang?
	Gang, gang, gang, gang, gang.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, what's up, Gav?
	Hey, dude, I have a bone to pick with you.
	Pick away.
	Let's get picking.
	All right.
	So every time I call, I was the last caller last week.
	Every time I call, you always say to, you turn to Ryan at the end of the call and say, I'm going to flip the script on you.
	Or like, did you get the feeling that this guy's going to trick us?
	You always say this shit to me.
	What's up with that?
	I don't know.
	Are you trying to trick me?
	No, of course not.
	I called about Arrow Pink at the last caller last week, and then you've said that.
	You've ended myself.
	Thanks for calling.
	This sounds like a trick.
	He's trying to.
	It does.
	Yeah, that guy's trying to dupe us.
	Nice try, dude.
	Fucking try.
	Nice to us.
	Fucking try.
	You think we were born yesterday?
	Good thing you have a long-winded setup, like when a villain has the ability to kill the hero at the end of the movie.
	Fucking try.
	I'm no dummy.
	Yeah.
	I'm no dummy, my friend.
	You know who's a better caller?
	Billy.
	Billy boy.
	Yes, Billy Boy.
	What's up, Bibi?
	Billy boy.
	Dude, fucking worst hangover of my life today.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, here's something I got to ask you.
	So I was in Vegas last year, and I was maybe 10 feet away from a place where for $100, and I had the money, I could have had an IV and oxygen and killed my hangover.
	And I just thought, no, that ain't right.
	I have to pay my taxes.
	And it's hard to explain to people why you need to endure a hangover.
	Yeah, hair of the dog, for sure.
	But I need a pick-me-up.
	I've got a Mary F. Kill scenario I want to hear.
	Okay, I wasn't talking about Hair of the Dog.
	I was saying, just take it and suffer.
	Oh, no, no.
	I got to keep drinking.
	All right, what's your MaryFuck kill?
	Okay, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malk, and Candace Owens.
	And with that, I yield my time.
	Okay, thank you, sir.
	I would kill Candace Owens because she charged me money to be on our show, and I'll never forgive her for that.
	That really pissed me off.
	I discovered her.
	And when I was at CR-TV, she refused to appear on the show.
	And then when she got money, she said, okay.
	That made me mad.
	So she's dead.
	And then Mary and Fuck.
	I think I find Michelle Malkin more attractive.
	I'm more of a brunette guy.
	Ann Coulter is a beautiful woman.
	But Michelle is more my type because I'm more of a brunette dude.
	My mom was blonde.
	I have a reverse oedable complex.
	So I would fuck Ann.
	Just get that out of the way.
	I hope it wouldn't ruin our friendship.
	I hope she wouldn't be mad.
	Well, I guess when you do marry, fuck, kill, it's not like you're raping the girl, right?
	It's not like she's crying and screaming the whole time.
	No.
	It's not like it was set up by Uday Hussein.
	So in this scenario, Anne would be enjoying it, and she would have proposed it or something, right?
	And Michelle Malkin, for example, would be divorced from her husband, who she loves very much, and she would be desperate for me, and I would be divorced.
	So there's a lot of caveats here.
	You got to assume a lot of voluntary behavior.
	But yeah, in that scenario, I would kill Candace Owens, fuck Ann Coulter, and marry Michelle Mulkin.
	I'm going to come.
	Did I really say that?
	Yeah, but not in that case.
	But he was going to come.
	Okay.
	What's that, Billy?
	Hot shit.
	Hot shit, shit.
	Tony, calling about Kamala.
	Camela.
	Came in.
	Hi, hi.
	Hi.
	I don't want to lose my camela.
	I do.
	Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
	Really fast.
	Desetin will get rid of your hemorrhoids.
	But anyway.
	What's it called?
	Desetin?
	Desetin, you've got babies.
	Desetin, what you use on babies.
	Decetin's child.
	And what do I do?
	I just put it on my analytics?
	Put a shitload on.
	Just a whole lot, and it'll be over in a couple days.
	And whereas Preparation H has 13% fish oil, Preparation H has 40%.
	And it's amazing.
	It got rid of my daughter's eczema.
	It's very, very potent.
	Desettin'.
	Okay, sold.
	So anyway, anyway, so you're right.
	Biden's going to last a year.
	I think after a year, we're going to hear, we'll hear he, you know, leaks out about health issues.
	By 18 months, he'll say to my fellow Americans, it was my pleasure for serving you.
	I'm leaving you in good hands.
	But she's a psychopath.
	She has psychopathy.
	That woman disturbs me to the core.
	When you see that posturing that she does and that cackling laugh, the laugh is really weird, isn't it?
	All the time.
	And she thinks it's a bad thing.
	No, she's a psychopath.
	She thinks it's an icebreaker that makes everyone feel relaxed.
	Meanwhile, it's just disturbing.
	She has psychopathy.
	She's in portrayal all the time if you study her body language.
	And she's the kind of female I've always hated my whole life.
	So I'm particularly disturbed because she's always used her sexuality to get attention.
	She's like the kind of chick that hates other women and only goes for high-powered men.
	You can tell right off the bat.
	So that cackling laugh is her idea of being a coquettish young woman, but she has psychopathy.
	She's just a stone-cold liar and has always used her sexuality to get ahead.
	So she terrifies me.
	Well, it terrifies me.
	So let's please hope that old Codger keeps his shit together for four years.
	I doubt it, but I give him 18 months at most.
	Okay, that's your vote.
	You're in.
	18 months.
	Thanks for calling.
	That's about mine, too.
	What did we say?
	I thought you said just under two years.
	Right.
	So she said one year.
	So she's going low.
	God, these people keep coming out of the woodwork.
	Because I've been confident Trump was going to win, which he did for many years.
	And Sherrod Small texted me the other day and he goes, so how are we going to do this?
	Venmo?
	And I go, oh, fuck.
	What did we agree on again?
	And he goes, hundo.
	And he goes, and I'm donating it to Black Lives Matter.
	And I was like, wow, that really doubles the sting, dude.
	So I just Venmoed him 100 fucking bucks.
	And my bartender, Jimmy, I bet him a beer in 2016 that Trump would win.
	And that was the one where I was about to burn down the entire bar and his family if he refused.
	it's hard to explain why.
	There's certain things with dudes where you're like, that's the hill to die on.
	And Jimmy not paying me my beer was like, I couldn't even think, I couldn't think straight.
	My rage was so intense.
	You could punch me in the face on the street and I'd be like, you're a dick.
	But not buying me that beer after I won the bet.
	But yeah, so I won a beer from him in 2016.
	It was one of the most delicious beers I've ever had.
	And he's about to enjoy a beer from me, motherfucker.
	All right, what else do we got?
	We have Ben.
	Ben.
	Gavin.
	Yo.
	Ryan.
	Yes.
	First time caller.
	Long time listener.
	First time to the Gavman and the fag president.
	Elect.
	Erect.
	Gav.
	I have a quick question for you because you're not associated with the Proud Boys anymore, but you are a professional.
	Is there anything that can get you expelled from the Proud Boys?
	Are there mortal sins?
	Of course.
	Nazi shit.
	Zeke Heiling, yelling the N-word at strangers at a meetup or anywhere, going to Charlottesville.
	There's a million different things.
	Okay.
	How about a guy that wastes a chick's time, like who pretends that he wants to wipe her and just wastes her time?
	No, that's very poor form, and I wish there was more stigma on such behavior, but no.
	That would be brought up in our Sharia courts at meetups.
	I don't want to give too much away about our meetups, but that would be brought up in our Sharia courts.
	It's frowned upon, and that should definitely be some consternation and maybe a tisk-tisk.
	But no, it's not necessarily a violation of the rules.
	Why?
	Okay.
	All right, bye.
	Thanks for calling.
	I was just wondering.
	Look at this shit.
	This is weird.
	What's weird?
	Ever since, I mean, the other day, because we looked this up on the show, it's even purple to show that I've clicked it.
	The tenants, Proud Boys, Googleable, type it in, you find it.
	You click the link, it goes there.
	Now it goes to the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.
	You can't even type in, yeah, proudboysusa.com.
	USA.com goes to St. Jude's where you could donate.
	ProudboysUSA.com goes to St. Jude's?
	Correct.
	Huh.
	Since a couple of days ago.
	Okay, good.
	St. Jude's can get some money.
	What about the tenants, though?
	I mean, we've told the truth a hundred times.
	No one gives a shit.
	Yeah, you're right.
	Bulkum.
	Christian.
	Hey, what's up, Ryan?
	Hello.
	Hey, Gavin, so you're sitting there concerned about why Julian Assange didn't get his pardon.
	Pretty much what happened was that McConnell turned around and held it over his head with impeachment.
	And even if he is a civilian after leaving the presidency, he loses his secret service if they decide to impeach him.
	Big deal.
	Trump can afford security, no problem.
	Yeah, but it's the security for his family and everybody else in his cabinet.
	No, he doesn't get security for everyone in his cabinet.
	It's just him and his immediate family.
	For him.
	And he can afford that, no problem.
	Yeah, it's still a bullshit deal, and they held that hanging fruit over his head.
	Yeah, but dude, let me repeat myself.
	Trump doesn't give a shit about Secret Service.
	He's got money.
	Your theory doesn't hold up.
	Yeah, but that was the first time.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	See, that's the problem with young people is someone brings up something that shatters their argument and they don't go, oh, shit, yeah, good point.
	They go, yeah, but that's the beginning.
	Trump is fucking rich.
	He doesn't give a shit about post-presidency perks.
	Let's see.
	Emmanuel isn't aligned.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	So my question is, do you think American exceptionalism is dead?
	You don't have to do Morse code and speak.
	You're masturbating into the microphone?
	No.
	Do you think American exceptionalism is dead?
	That's a good question.
	In many ways, yes.
	I think that we had our kick at the can.
	We had our chance to drain the swamp.
	And we lost.
	They didn't give it up without a fight.
	Of course, it's still in our hearts as freedom-loving Westerners, but this could be the end of America.
	This could be the end of what makes us special.
	I think this was a real fork in the road, and America chose the wrong route.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	But I feel like.
	I like this hanging up on people.
	You do.
	I can tell.
	Look at this bitch.
	This is the poet laureate.
	Look how creepy this shit is.
	Keep abortion legal.
	And what is that baby?
	Is that a baby?
	Or is it like a little woman?
	Is that a dwarf?
	What the fuck?
	And then there's a training in the middle.
	I don't know.
	And when I see young women really worried about abortion, I just think sluts.
	Yeah.
	So you want to kill, but you want to make baby kill.
	Oh, okay, cool.
	Like, that's just so dark.
	Casey is on the line.
	Casey, motherfucking Jones.
	Sorry.
	What's up, Kuyons?
	What's up, dude?
	So, dude, if I gotta hear about your fucking eye bags again, I think I'm gonna unsubscribe because, I mean, no one really gives a fuck.
	Okay, I'll officially stop talking about it.
	We don't give a damn.
	Please, dude, like, please.
	Okay, done, dude.
	Anyway.
	Yep, go ahead and go on to another call.
	Thanks for calling it.
	I don't like the buttons.
	It just frustrates me because they don't like it.
	You're doing it again.
	You're doing it again.
	It wasn't even 10 seconds.
	All right, I'll drop it.
	I'll never mention it again.
	Is there anything weird about the camera that picks up that in real life it doesn't for you, though?
	Just on a side note.
	Well, I think it's the reflection of the black lens.
	You're doing it again.
	It was a test.
	You failed it.
	I'm just trying to keep you there.
	Keep you in the pocket.
	Josh is on the line.
	Hey, what's up, boys?
	Hey, so real quick, I just came across this quote today.
	It says, if you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.
	What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
	So it just had me thinking about how there's such a genuine hatred towards Trump.
	And if we think that quote is true, what is it that you think that these people who hate Trump hate about themselves?
	Because it's that, you know, everything we like about Trump, they hate.
	Everything they hate about Trump, we like.
	So I was just wondering if you think that quote's true.
	I have a theory.
	If you think that that assessment is accurate.
	I've been saying that for many years.
	My old boss, Marcus, said that when I was like 22.
	And it's so true.
	When you get really frustrated at something or someone, it's because they share a trait you hate.
	And you don't really lose your temper the way you lose your temper when you fuck up, when you blow something really important.
	It's a different kind of rage than when like Ryan fucks up, which is a hundred times a day.
	Mike!
	So what do they hate about Trump?
	Do they hate about themselves?
	They are racist.
	You know, I was looking at Amber Tamlin.
	She used to be a friend of mine because she's David Cross's wife.
	And I was looking at her Twitter feed the other day.
	I don't know why.
	And it's all black women, black women, black women.
	I knew her for years.
	There was no black woman within a thousand miles of her.
	These elitist, rich white people hate that they don't have black friends.
	So they make Trump a racist, and he doesn't have enough black friends.
	It's all projecting.
	They hate that they're classist.
	They hate that they're separated from the rest of the world.
	So they call everyone else fucking disgusting KKK people.
	And it's ironic because as they're doing it, they're being classist.
	Like when they pretend everyone's in the Klan, they're really saying rednecks are garbage, which is a classist thing.
	So they hate their own elitism.
	And they hate that they haven't experienced anything or met anyone.
	Like when NYU took over the Kimmel building in, it was probably like 10 years ago now or something.
	But they had this bizarre list of demands.
	They took over the cafeteria.
	And one of their demands was free tuition for Palestinian students.
	What they really meant was, I want Palestinian friends.
	I don't even know what a fucking Palestinian is.
	And I wish one of them was in my speed dial.
	They might as well have said free tuition for Rastafarians.
	So they hate Trump.
	That's what they hate about themselves.
	The fact that they're the bourgeoisie.
	Next call.
	Mikey.
	Hey, what's up, Geto?
	What's up, Russia?
	Mikey!
	I just wanted to mention that we're all praying for Biggs.
	You know, if there's any way we can help him, hopefully there's a way we can help him that it comes to fruition.
	But I just wanted to talk about, Gavin, you said you're a Catholic, right?
	Yep.
	I think this is a serious thing, not trolling or anything.
	This Joe Biden becoming president, I was seeing on its Catholic Connect on Instagram.
	It's a site where different Catholics from everywhere communicate.
	And they were talking about there was a lot of Catholic churches being built in Iraq during Trump's presidency because, you know, he either destroyed ISIS or put them into hiding.
	And right now, these people, they're giving feedback.
	And I can see on the comments, people are living out in that area.
	And they're genuinely concerned, you know, because that can bring out the people there.
	You know, that brought peace in their areas for a lot of time.
	You know, so it's not like a small fry type of thing.
	I know you don't really care about anything that doesn't affect the West.
	No, I can't.
	Hey, it's a war on Christianity with 200 Christians being killed every day in this world.
	So that's a war on the Western world.
	I genuinely care about that.
	And you're right.
	In an effort to appease, I don't know, the woke gods, they pretend that Islam isn't a threat to the West.
	And that, in turn, justifies all this murder of Christians.
	Hundreds a day.
	Yeah.
	Well, thank you guys for your time.
	Thanks, buddy.
	Thanks for calling.
	Bye.
	God bless.
	Thank you.
	And yeah, our prayers are with bigs.
	I mean, it's frustrating, but I don't know.
	It's the craziest thing with these arrests because they go, half the people I talk to say, eh, it's just misdemeanors.
	It's criminal trespassing.
	Don't worry about it.
	And those are cops.
	And I got to say, I love cops, but a lot of the times cops will tell me something with authority and then I'll look it up and it's not even close to true.
	And then other people, like the newspapers, which are equally unreliable, are like, no, it's 20 years or whatever.
	Ashley.
	Ashley.
	Ashley.
	Hi.
	Heavy breeze.
	Is that you snoring?
	You gotta lie on your back if you want to stop snoring.
	Really sleeping, huh?
	What is she on heroin?
	All right, next caller.
	Ashley, Joshua, something?
	Nope.
	All right.
	Michelle.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Ryan, first of all, you look much better with your hair slicked back.
	And Gavin, I'm going to help you.
	I'm going to help you with the eye bags.
	Okay.
	Uh-oh.
	Okay.
	Your glasses are too heavy and they're making your, you know, making you have bags under your eyes.
	And they will also cause dark circles, too.
	Do you mean literally, or just the way it looks?
	Literally, your glasses are too heavy and they're causing the bags under your eyes.
	Because you said at home, you know, they'll go away for a while and you're probably not wearing your glasses.
	Hmm.
	Okay, good tip.
	It is a good tip, and it'll work.
	It'll help you.
	Thanks for the hands, too.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, babe.
	I don't know if you guys are really there yet.
	I think we're there.
	You guys are there.
	Well, that was Michelle.
	This is Michael.
	Michael, you're on the line.
	Hello.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, what do you mean?
	Hey, you.
	So I wanted to call.
	I've been listening to you.
	Some guy named Doug Snapel and Bill Whittle, conservative commentary guys.
	Oh, Bill Whittle's.
	And yeah, I was wondering what your thoughts are on those guys, because after Trump kind of announced, kind of hinted that he was going to start a new party, and everybody's kind of formulating ideas of what to do next.
	Well, the new party thing seems like just a gift to the right.
	I mean, the left, does it not?
	I mean, you've fractured everything now.
	I don't see how that could work.
	But what did interest me was his talk of a new network, a big media company.
	That's a lot more effective and interesting.
	But I don't know if I see him bothering.
	You know, it's very likely he just says, fuck this.
	I had a good run.
	Bye.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, I think the three-party thing is a bad idea.
	I come from Canada where we have four parties and nothing gets done.
	So there is my second drawing.
	That's just a guy smoking a cigarette with our motto.
	And then this was my first drawing, and it's me holding Trump's head just like Kathy Lee Gifford.
	Kathy Griffin.
	Kathy Griffin.
	Or Griffin.
	Joey.
	What's up, dog?
	Hello?
	Hey, Joey.
	All right, next caller.
	Oh, wait.
	What was that?
	Whoa, circumcision.
	Yeah, I want to know the thoughts on circumcision.
	I think you're covering your phone, sir.
	You're covering the mic or something.
	There you go.
	Can you hear me better now?
	Yes, much better.
	Okay, so about to be a dad, and I'm wondering what your thoughts are on circumcision and if there's any kind of issue with cleaning or whatever.
	So wanting to get your take as a dad and having a wanky wiener.
	Don't cut your kid's dick off.
	That shouldn't be a challenging thing.
	That shouldn't be controversial.
	It may have had an argument way back when we didn't have wet wipes and showers, but it's really fucking painful.
	It's astronomically cruel and it serves no benefit.
	You probably have to wash your dick 20% more often if you have a foreskin than if you don't.
	Big fucking deal.
	And here's the thing to tell, because young guys go, oh, but my dick looks weird.
	It does.
	My dick looks like an elephant trunk right now.
	And that's not as pretty as a mushroom Darth Vader penis.
	But when you're with a lady and you're a young man, you're so fucking horny that for the first like five years of a woman seeing your penis, it's erect.
	And when it's erect, the foreskin recedes and you can't tell the difference.
	So don't worry about the aesthetics because women don't see flaccid penises until you're like bored of them, which takes a good decade, actually.
	So don't circumcise your child.
	Washing your penis is not rocket science.
	And it's, you know, sex feels better.
	There's more nerve endings.
	It's just healthier and more normal.
	It's how it was designed.
	Like, why are we cutting off earlobes?
	The why of things.
	Okay, awesome.
	Is there any kind of religious thing around it?
	I know you're Catholic.
	I'm Catholic.
	I don't know what your thoughts are on that.
	I think that Jews do it, Muslims do it.
	I don't think Christians have it in the Bible per se.
	But the reason it's popular in America is because Dr. Joseph Kellogg of Kellogg's Cornflakes decided that young men were masturbating too much, and he wanted to make dicks feel less good.
	So he took on the Jewish and Muslim tradition and enforced it on America.
	You don't see it in Canada.
	You don't see it in Britain.
	You don't see it in a lot of normal Western countries.
	But Dr. Joseph Kellogg made it big here.
	And the only argument I get from men, like my fellow dads, is they go, well, I want his dick to look like mine.
	And to that, I would say, for what?
	The penis photo shoots you guys are doing together?
	What?
	Who cares?
	We're not twinning.
	Yeah, me and my son's penis aren't big bros.
	They don't really hang.
	How could you guys be related?
	Your guys' dicks are different.
	Yeah, we don't get laughed at at the nudist colony.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	We just protected an unborn child's penis.
	We just saved a dick.
	Which, by the way, is going to kill Andrew Yang.
	There's no way he's going to become mayor of New York by being anti-circumcision.
	Chachi.
	Hey, Rhenobs.
	Yo, dude.
	That's boner spelled backwards if you remember the 80s.
	And yeah, Decedin is something that I used to put on my nose when I lived in San Diego because remember zinc oxide back in the day, Gavin?
	Oh, yeah, that was a good look.
	That's Decedin.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's what that is.
	It's that baby.
	It's that baby stuff.
	Yeah.
	They just started putting color in it, that's all, because I used to wear it because I went to the pool every day until my hair turned green.
	Nice.
	That is kind of a look.
	Oh, yeah.
	And don't worry about your eyeballs because Ryan was touching his hair again yesterday on the show.
	Every time he got on the camera, he'd start playing with his hair again.
	So he can't give you any crap about your eyeballs and all that systems.
	I sent you guys a quick email.
	If you check it out on Chachi, and I'm going to get to that at the very end.
	Trump derangement systems because all those politicians were in fear that they were going to get called out, just like the Q people.
	The Q people is not a conspiracy.
	Those people, pretty much, what they did is they did deep dives that the regular media, they followed Solomon, they followed Sarah Carter, all that good stuff.
	Next, Trump does have a problem because these politicians now can go after his money, Gavin.
	They can seize things.
	They can go after him the same way they've screwed with Roger Stone and all your other boys.
	He's not above the law.
	Justin Roberts is a piece of shit because he was with the upstream.
	Key adopted kids to him.
	Catholicism is a fear-mongering political system.
	Let's look from the vestiges of Rome.
	If you want a relationship with God, just grab a Bible and talk straight to him.
	You don't need all the bomb circumstance.
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	What's your email?
	One last thing.
	You really crammed a lot in there, right?
	Let's take the next call.
	Let's take the next call.
	When I say thanks for calling, that's the death knell.
	Your email is kaput.
	Unless you make it chachy.
	Justin.
	Justin.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, dude.
	Hey, real quick, that McDonald's lady, yo, she sounds like that other Drop You Guys do with the guy in the wheelchair, like, oh, I just want to get along with the dreads.
	I think it's some like Portland or something.
	I'm beyond angry.
	The beyond angry guy?
	Yeah, yeah, I'm beyond angry.
	Yeah, she has a, I think she was born with a speech impediment because she has a strangely white Midwestern accent that's a weird affectation.
	But yeah, when she was talking, all I could think of was that one drop, like, I'm sure angry.
	But the reason for my call, I'm going to assume, did you listen to Howard this week?
	Yep.
	What did you think about Dr. Agus?
	I like Dr. Agus.
	I got to say, the guy's obviously a fucking genius, but I think that Howard likes him because he justifies Howard's paranoia and his agoraphobia and makes Howard feel better about not going out.
	But have you noticed how adamant Howard Stern is about the vaccine and how everyone has to get it, except no one ever says, when are you getting it, Howard?
	Yeah, and he was kind of like dancing around it this week, like, oh, maybe I should get it, I think, but definitely not Beth.
	You know, because I'm older than her and I probably knew it before her.
	Yeah, why shouldn't Beth get it?
	Well, I don't know if you remember from last week, but remember he was like, oh, all of Beth's friends are saying that I'm trapping her in the house.
	But he keeps talking about it.
	And he doesn't usually talk about his personal life.
	But he's like, it seems like the vaccine is his worst nightmare because then the illusion breaks because now he's got to leave the basement and actually maybe do some work.
	Yeah, today he was all about how Biden is going to let medicine take over and we're all going to get the vaccine.
	Meanwhile, you're like, Trump got the vaccine in record time and Cuomo and all these liberal politicians stopped it getting to the people.
	But yeah, okay, Biden is going to make everything okay.
	And with that, they're already, I saw something on Twitter, they're already like, oh, whoa, whoa, we didn't know that the situation was this bad, so we might not be able to deliver on quite everything that Biden said he was going to do.
	So it's like they're already moving the goalposts on the vaccine and the virus.
	And after almost a year of the basement bunker podcasts from the Stern show, it's going to be really interesting to see how Howard spins this since he's been like such a shill for Biden for months and months and months.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	I have to admit, part of me, with all the terror that these fucking lunatics have imposed on me and my family and my friends and getting everyone doxed and fired and all these innocent people having their lives flushed down the toilet, I have to admit that part of me is going,
	are you going to fucking leave us alone now?
	Like, are you going to relax?
	Are you going to stop screaming?
	Are you going to stop terrorizing conservatives now that you won?
	Like, imagine a screaming brat, spoiled rich girl.
	And she finally gets the convertible, the pink BMW convertible she asked for.
	Okay, are you going to shut up for at least like a month now?
	I think that's why a lot of people elected Obama because they said, I'm sick of hearing about race.
	It's been 50 years since Martin Luther King was killed.
	I'll give you a presidency.
	And I think we should be good then.
	I think we should stop hearing about how racist we are.
	And no.
	I forgot what that was, but I like it.
	That's a guy who teaches you to have a life force.
	And you can build a force field around yourself.
	So he showed that woman how to have a magical life force.
	He said, Watch this.
	I'll try to run into you and I won't hit you because I'll bounce off your life force.
	And then he fucking knocked her out.
	How did that go?
	Yeah.
	She wasn't doing it right.
	And so yeah, you're not doing it right.
	I'm guarantee you she fucked it up.
	I didn't believe enough.
	How funny would that be where you ram into a woman and then you say you did her?
	What the fuck?
	Why didn't you listen to me?
	Yeah.
	And now she has to feel bad about it.
	You're right.
	Are we going to try it again?
	Come on.
	Get up.
	Get up.
	Let's do 10 more.
	Ryan's pet is what it says.
	Oh, hey, it says Ryan's pay, but if he's $12,000 in debt, what is Gavin paying him?
	Not $12,000 in subscribing.
	If there's 15,000 subscribers at 10 a month, you should be making $1.8 million a year.
	So $22,000.
	I mean, not Ryan.
	Not Ryan, but, you know, I mean, can we spare Ryan a few extra dollars?
	Ryan makes well over the national average, but he spends money on like Crocs, guitar pedals.
	He puts no money away.
	He has no interest in paying off his debt.
	I've been shipping it off.
	Bullshit.
	I don't believe you.
	It's true.
	I've been watching.
	Okay, when'd you last pay off?
	When'd you last donate to your debt?
	I think I have an automated thing, but...
	Who set it up?
	I did.
	To be honest, I think it's...
	I mean, the joke's going to go away, but it's almost paid off.
	It was through this, like, somebody bought the debt, like, some third-party company.
	Yeah, I tried to set that up a million years ago, and you blew it.
	And so it's basically...
	I remember that.
	Yeah.
	The joke's pretty much done.
	So what's it down to now?
	I think it's a couple hundred away and then I'm done.
	Also, myself.
	What?
	This is bullshit.
	No clue.
	$200 away from paying off your debt.
	Yeah, and then also my ex's phone is going to be paid off soon, too.
	So I don't...
	Yeah.
	That's going to be completely done, too.
	So I'm doing pretty good.
	I got a couple of thousand saved.
	But nobody likes to hear that because it's not fun.
	But yeah, I'm doing pretty good.
	No, I don't believe you, Ryan.
	Thanks for calling, by the way.
	You out of your 12,000, you...
	It was never 12,000.
	Yes, it was.
	It was 9,000 or 10,000.
	Okay, let's see.
	Or maybe it was 12 because I had a credit card open or something like that.
	But I think you bumped it to 12.
	It was always like around 10.
	Let's be generous.
	Let's go down to 10.
	Plus an active credit card or something.
	So it was 10, and you've now just fastidiously paid off $11,800.
	Sorry, $9,800 from your paycheck you've just been paying off.
	There's nothing fastidious about it, but...
	Yes, there is.
	No, you just sign it up so that way they just take, they just take.
	And how much do they take?
	Like $100 every whatever, like every two weeks or something.
	$100 every two weeks.
	Okay.
	So there's a third-party company.
	How old?
	This company's about a year old.
	But then I've paid $100.
	$100 every two weeks.
	But I've also paid good chunks.
	I do not believe.
	So maybe not a couple hundred, but I have to check.
	I'm not logged in because I got a new phone since then, since having that account, but it's like not AdSense.
	It's like some third-party shit.
	Let me just tell you my gut, folks.
	I know this guy.
	Could be four grand.
	Could be a sign-up thing.
	If he signed up for a thing that takes from his paycheck, it probably takes $200 per paycheck, right?
	So that is $400 a month.
	We have been around for not that long.
	So $400 a month, let's say we've been around for 16 months.
	But I've still been paid since we worked at CRV.
	16 months times 400 equals 5,600.
	I've been paid since working at CRTV.
	There was never a lapse in my payment because we were doing stuff behind the scenes.
	So it's not just, it's over two years.
	Ryan's right, Gavin's wrong.
	No, that's.
	Look at this.
	This is the text you get from cops.
	What the hell?
	I see a beautiful lady here naked in the shower.
	I don't want to see what's going to happen next.
	I guarantee you, it's going to go to a dead body on the road or a penis or someone covered in diarrhea.
	NSFW.
	I have a would you rather very attractive lady.
	She's got a thong.
	She's shampooing her hair.
	The odds of her having a penis are...
	Yeah.
	Okay, wait, hold on a second.
	Would you rather be in the room while two guys boned, like you're in a small room, while two guys bone for 30 minutes?
	Like your bedroom.
	Or, yeah.
	Or, but preferably not my bedroom.
	Thank you.
	And because it'll be stinky and gay in there.
	Or see a dead body.
	Be in a room with a dead body, like pretty decomposing for like five minutes.
	It stinks.
	It'll be a pretty good one.
	And it stinks bad.
	And you'll remember it forever.
	But the guys are going at it.
	They're doing everything that you could do to another gay body.
	And it stinks.
	Those two things are equally gross.
	I know.
	And what if it looks like that's like they're looking at you?
	The Illuminati.
	Ooh.
	That could be a shirt.
	No.
	This is the drawing I like best today.
	That's awesome.
	This one's easy for me.
	What would you do?
	Gay all the way.
	I heard there's something that physically changes in your brain when you see carnage.
	Yeah, like I know that gays exist.
	I know gays have sex.
	Actually, you know what?
	We've all seen gay porn.
	Yeah.
	It's just like that.
	And you go, when you see it, you're like, oh, Jesus Lord.
	Yeah, cops send it to you every day.
	Yeah.
	And when a cop send me a gay porn, I just go, oh, for fuck's sake.
	But when I see like worms in the ear, I go, oh, Jesus Christ.
	Yeah.
	And then for the next like hour, I'm going, yep.
	So I know from my own experience on the internet, I find death more disturbing than gays.
	So I'll go with the gays.
	And the smell of death is probably not good.
	Okay.
	Next one.
	Let's get the next call.
	Last one.
	Steve.
	Lucky Steve.
	Last call.
	Last call for alcohol.
	So yesterday I was hanging out with a friend and just talking about today's young men and what they're into.
	So I went out with my friend and we smoked a blunt and then went back to his place.
	And when I got there, fucking roommates were watching The Bachelor.
	Oh my gosh.
	And it was possibly the gayest shit I've ever walked into.
	I found it interesting, though, because you get to hear what these women think are problems in their lives.
	And it's just absolutely hilarious.
	And the guy's a complete tool.
	Oh, so you sat down and enjoyed it?
	Okay, maybe a little bit.
	But nothing.
	This show sucks.
	I mean, like, Taylor's totally not going with Jared, who loves her a lot.
	And the fucking show sucks.
	Sorry, dude.
	You walked into that trap.
	Thanks for calling.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.

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