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Jan. 4, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
46:59
GOML LIVE #79 | MERRY CHRISTMAS!

After discussing the origins of Santa, we implore Jews to enjoy him too. Then, we open some presents, read mail from prison and make fun of the "president elect" for being a retard.

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Time Text
So this is Christmas.
And what have you done?
Another year.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
And so this is Christmas.
I hope you have fun.
The near and the dear ones.
The old and the young.
My very...
I cut that short because the fucking copyright shit on that must be mental.
No!
Mental.
Don't hang your coat on the lights in the studio.
That's a coat rack now?
You get so much shit everywhere.
That was Merry Christmas War is Over by John Lennon in 1971, a year after I was born.
The beginning of the song he says, Merry Christmas Julian.
Let's hear what Trump has to say about Christmas.
I hope it doesn't get taken down.
Yeah, that was in his hippy-dippy peace and love thing that everyone was into back when I was born.
Then he went off, divorced Oko, Yoko, and was with a four named Tammy Yang or something.
It's called his lost weekend.
Amy Chan, you should be looking that up.
What are you doing?
The current card, I need to make space on the second card, because it's a two-hour show.
So I gotta get two cards.
I didn't know he... That's really weird.
I didn't know he divorced Oko.
Yoko was never... Like, you're in the Beatles, dude.
You should be getting a chick that burns our eyes off.
He liked Ronnie Spector.
She was cute.
Does your camera work?
It crapped out.
Oh, it already stopped?
I'm missing a cord.
Yeah, no, I don't think those round glasses worked very well.
You know, we're not talking about his first wife, buddy.
We're talking about his mistress, girlfriend.
Yeah!
During his lost weekend phase, Amy Chan.
Anyway, then he, he didn't really do anything from 73 to 75, 72 to 75.
And then he got back with Yoko, made, yeah, that's her.
She looks pretty good there, I gotta admit.
But he went back with Yoko, made Sean Lennon, who's an awesome dude, And then, uh, he made this song.
And, no, sorry, sorry, 71 was the beginning of all this.
Then he made that album, With Her, that has all those hits.
Like, uh, what's the one where you- Give Peace a Chance?
Give Peace a Chance?
That's the Beatles, you fucking- Oh.
Piece of human garbage.
Why are you interjecting stuff when you have nothing to say?
I could've sworn.
No, we played it on the show the other day.
He ends it with, Good night, Sean.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.
It's got some good hits.
And then some weirdo from Hawaii came and shot and killed him.
This is the end of the Christmas stuff.
We've been wearing Christmas sweaters every day.
I don't think this one turns on.
I've had Christmas sweaters all week that turn on.
And we're leaving you.
After this, we're going on vacation, but do not fret.
We have jam-packed entertainment the entire time we're gone.
And if you want to rob the studio, this is a great time to do it.
We will not be here tomorrow.
The alarm will be on, but by the time you grab everything, you could probably get out of here.
Can you show the ads they made for all the stuff we have coming up?
I think it's a separate email I sent you earlier today.
Gotcha.
Not that you ever check your email.
Oh, fuck.
I do not.
We're not off to a great start.
It's weird to have a beer when you're really, really thirsty.
It feels wrong.
Like you should be having Gatorade or water if you're really, really thirsty, and then you have beers.
This should not be quenching your thirst.
Make sure you show them in order.
But before we get to that, what we're doing when we're gone, let's talk about our oldest sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD.
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We're turning into InfoWars with all the shit we sell.
I'm not going to do an Alex Jones impersonation.
That is fucking hack.
That's for amateurs.
Look at these bags under my eyes.
That's not what my fucking eyes look like, dude.
This is what my eyes look like.
This eye.
It's got a bit of a line.
But this is like, the lighting in here turns it into this sack.
And then the glasses emphasize that tenfold.
It's not a good look.
Have you got the ads ready?
What are you doing?
Yep.
Make sure they're in order here.
So we got boxing gloves.
No, that's not in order.
Please do something right once ever.
Well, this is the order you sent me.
Boxing Day?
Nope.
What's the first thing we're showing, Ryan?
What have you been working on all day?
I think this was after you decided to change them up because this is the one that you sent it to me.
You sent this to me.
This is from you.
You sent it to me.
Yeah, it doesn't matter how they appear in the email.
You know how they go chronologically, don't you?
What did you work on all day?
What were you working on before we did the show?
This one.
Okay, that's before Boxing Day?
In the email, yeah.
Take down Johnny Apple.
The email's irrelevant.
Those are just the pictures.
That's not the order they're in.
So that's tomorrow.
Yes.
So this... Go back.
So tomorrow, Ryan and I are going to be opening presents.
It is possibly the worst thing we've ever put on this site.
We wanted to show the things close up, so we went up to the camera, put it on auto, then our cameraman here, Ryan, neglected to put it back into focus, so the focus is fucked the whole time.
We didn't have anyone checking the audio, so I guess my dog or something unplugged my audio.
My audio sounds like shit, it's mostly coming through Ryan's mic.
Only check that out if you're bored.
It's pretty short though, it's probably only like 40 minutes.
Yeah.
At the most.
But it is very low quality.
However, what's next?
Boxing Day.
Traditionally, Boxing Day is December 26th.
And it's a British tradition.
Canada too.
It was originally for going out and taking presents.
Maybe presents you didn't need that you got for Christmas.
Boxing them up and giving them to the poor.
The less fortunate.
We've since changed that.
And now it's buying stuff for ourselves.
Because that's what Christmas is really about.
Buying stuff for yourself.
So, uh, on Boxing Day we'll be, uh, I'll be teaching you how to box, all my tricks.
That's a pretty long one, though.
How long is that?
That's fuckin' high quality.
Get your hopes up for... About a half hour.
December 26th.
I'm considering making it free on the site.
Oh, speaking of free, we have a new payment processor!
Thank the Lord in heaven above.
I gotta be honest, I wasn't showing it too much on the show, but I was fretting.
Because I went through maybe 11 banks that said, yeah, of course, yeah, we can do it.
But can we see the site first?
Oh, there's black people on it?
You're not racist?
Okay, that's fine.
What's your name?
Gavin McInnes.
Oh my god.
Oh, okay.
I'm Charles fucking Manson.
My name is Mud, and I had 11 banks tell me to fuck off.
I finally got one.
So then we have the How to Box on December 26th, and then the beginning of next week we have a new show called Car Guys.
First episode's sort of an introduction to cars, what makes them tick.
And then the second episode is like a rock and roll SoCal.
You know, the guys with the crazy beards and the gloves with fingerless gloves and the horns and all that shit.
That's the second episode.
Then things get serious on a Wednesday where we go to jail.
We visit John.
I know the bags look brutal there.
That's the lighting and we'd been up all night driving.
And then on Thursday, so no live show next Wednesday.
Then on Thursday, Milo and I watch Withnail and I. That's the part where Withnail is going, are you the farmer?
Are you the farmer?
And then I says, stop saying that Withnail!
Of course he's the fucking farmer!
It's one of my favorite spots.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh, ha, ha.
It's so funny.
That movie's great.
And I don't think, with the commentary, it's a bad way to watch it for the first time.
Really?
I think it was great, yeah.
Here's $1,500.
What?
Let's come on the camera so we can see.
I just got electrocuted by headphones.
I just got cared by care phones.
So that's the good news is you get 1,500 bucks your Christmas bonus.
You got your chest plate.
Ow!
That hurts so bad.
- It looks so bad.
- Ow! - It's made of steel.
- Ow! - Ooh! - I'm going with the boom box, the bum box. - That's smarts.
She's got this bulletproof vest on which I think the people who make those could take it down a notch.
That is thick.
They must weigh 40 pounds and it's thick enough to take like a jet plane to the chest.
You're not gonna get shot at point-blank range with a .30-06.
It should be knife proof, .22s, not sniper rifles.
Relax.
Should be 40, 40, 45.
My knuckle feels nothing but fire on it right now.
With like a Rube Goldberg?
In a way, you hit my ass.
You punched me in the chest, then my ass went into the side of the boombox and I hurt.
Dude, I work out every day.
I have the power.
I'm turning into the Hulk.
I have to stop, because I don't want someone's head to come flying off when I punch them.
That's why I wear this to work now.
Yeah, you should.
And it's not like I want to hurt you.
But I don't say safety after a fart.
I'm like the dude of mice and men who squished that little retarded boy or a bunny or something.
Lenny, yeah.
I'm Lenny now.
So when people fuck with me, I go, please don't do that!
Please run away now!
Please go!
Go!
And they go, why?
What are you gonna do, bitch?
Oh no, don't call me bitch, please!
Please!
Look at him, he's crying, little pussy.
Oh fuck, here we go again!
Oh, you got a webcam going.
I got the webcam.
Show the people.
So isn't there, but they're like, did you mention the caveat?
I was nursing my bum wound.
Uh, oh, I didn't mention the caveat.
So I showed you all those things we have for the next couple weeks.
Um, and if Ryan is one minute late, On any of them.
Or they show up and they're half, like, black.
I don't mean like Obama.
I mean, halfway through it just goes to blackness?
Or there's no sound on them or something?
That doesn't count as putting it up.
Putting it up means it's up and ready to rock.
If they're not up at 9am, every day, Yikes.
You lose $200 of your Christmas bonus.
So let me do the math here.
If I ruin everything, I still might come away with $100.
$300.
Right?
There's six things, six shows.
Car Guys is two.
So six times two is twelve.
It leaves you with $300.
Which is almost as much as the stimulus.
We'll get to that.
We've got some stuff on the stimulus.
Yeah, I was going to choose this as the intro song.
1, 2.
Who are these guys?
They're fun!
Clockwork Beanie Booty?
Krusty Remix?
Clockwork Beanie Booty?
Crossy Remix?
Hasn't even kicked in yet.
Here the girls crying out To Sabine If you love her It's got many names.
It was originally a poem by an academic named Clement C. Moore, who was kind of embarrassed that his poem was kind of gay.
I think it makes me miss partying.
Today's book is The Night Before Christmas.
It's got many names.
It was originally a poem by an academic named Clement C. Moore who was kind of embarrassed that his poem was kind of gay.
Creature stirring and all that.
I think it helped define Santa Claus.
There was Father Christmas, Saint Nick.
It wasn't that defined back then.
And he said, you know, the long beard, the red nose.
And then that kind of solidified it because this was such a successful book.
And then I think 1832 he wrote it.
1837 he said, OK, it's me.
I didn't know it was going to be such a hit.
It's illustrated by a young man, Christian Birmingham.
He's just like a classic British fine artist, you know, art school kind of guy, illustrator.
It's really good illustrations, though.
I don't know.
It's the perfect kind of illustration when you're reading a little boy a book.
Or your daughter a book on Christmas Eve.
So I'll have to remember to bring that back home.
You know what else defines Santa?
Let's see if this is Ancient Chinese Secrets.
Coca-Cola.
Coca-Cola had this artist they loved who did the first commercial for them in 1931.
And then, and he took a lot of it from this poem, Night Before Christmas.
The red nose, the white beard.
He was always wearing red, that wasn't a new thing.
It's not based on Coca-Cola.
And he kept, he was with them for 30 years.
Drawing the same kind of Santa.
So that's why we have the Santa we have now.
Which is why I tell the Jews to go friendly on Santa.
Dennis Prager had a good thing on this.
I told you I was going to push it this year, but it turns out, I keep telling these Jews they need to support Santa, because it's not Jesus.
He's a cartoon flying in from outer space, handing presents.
So do Hanukkah.
Don't get me wrong.
But why not have the tree and the little guy, the cartoon Superman?
Have him bring presents.
It only lasts, they usually grow out of it by eight.
And I'm not asking, the Easter Bunny, by the way, would be equally, actually, you know what?
Do the Easter Bunny.
Yeah.
Why not?
It's not Christ.
The bunny.
The bunny is, it's a pagan thing that we pulled in from the pagans to, so they wouldn't kill us.
Um, but I'm not that adamant about that.
Let me think on the Easter Bunny thing first, cause that's getting a little too close to Christ.
Um, and Christ is the reason for the season, but you can still celebrate, have a tree and have Santa without saying, I believe in Jesus Christ.
In fact, plenty of Christians don't like the Santa thing.
The Dominicans here in New York, they think Santa's blasphemous.
He's not the reason for this season.
Get him out of here.
They stay up till like 2 in the morning on Christmas Eve.
Their whole party's tomorrow night, including the kids.
So the kids are fucking falling asleep all over the rug.
And then they wake them up at midnight.
Hey, you fell asleep.
Open your presents.
They're like, these are great.
Okay.
And then they fall asleep on their toy truck.
The parents keep partying and then the parents sleep into like two.
They don't have the morning presents thing because that's Santa and Santa is anti-christian according to them.
In other words, it's pretty separate.
What does Dennis say?
Having Christmas trees in my society, it's a good thing.
It's a happier place Christmas time, thanks to Christmas tree and decorations and Santa clauses and Christmas music.
It's all great in this inclusive, this totalitarian inclusiveness.
You are a narcissist.
Everything must revolve around you.
It has nothing to do with inclusivity.
It has to do with your hypersensitivity and immaturity.
Am I strong enough?
I love having Christmas trees in my society.
Ron Coleman sent me this picture of him as a kid, and he's always been a raging Jew, sitting on Santa's lap.
In L.A., the L.A.
Jews do Santa.
They do Hanukkah.
They don't have nativity scenes.
That's Ron Coleman.
That guy's had 170 different heads.
Is that him on the right?
That's him in the gold thing that appears to be made by refugees?
I don't know who makes his clothes.
What?
Do you get your clothes from a play?
Looks like a Party City Halloween store material.
Like that nylon?
Or it's super thick velour where you don't even need a winter jacket.
I think a lot of Jinos, Jews in name only, are anti-Christmas just to spite the Trump supporters.
And before Trump it was whatever.
Those people.
You see them with like ZERO Christmas decorations on their homes.
Like not even a light.
It's a fuck you.
Orthodox Jews, Hasidic Jews, they get it.
They'll say Merry Christmas a hundred times.
They don't give a shit.
They get that we're on the same page basically.
But I think Jews in name only are irreligious brats who use their fake Judaism to shit on everything fun.
And it's not.
It's lame.
So if you see a yarmulke, then say Happy Hanukkah.
But if you see a dick, then tell him where to stick it.
Okay, sometimes our colloquialisms will not be great.
Oh, we're mid-roll.
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Speaking of Santa, this, like, racism culture we're in is so humorless that now they're taking Rudolph and turning it into a... Remember?
Do you remember the rebooting Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?
It's a super heavy story about a guy down on his luck.
This is a super heavy story about a basketball player from a broken home who has a red nose.
his name's Rudolph.
This isn't a joke.
Can't just kick him out.
It is.
No, it's not.
What?
Everyone thought the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which is called Bel-Air.
You should look that up too.
We'll replay that.
Everyone thought that was a joke.
It's real.
This is real.
There's nowhere else to go.
Rudolph was well aware of the rules.
Does every male wish he had a deeper voice?
I think Howard Stern fucks with it on his mic.
Because you hear his old things, he's like, hey, come in the studio, can we see your tits?
And now he's like, ho ho ho, hey Robin.
Oh, you hear that?
He goes, that other school is an hour walk from here.
Yeah?
- Oh, you hear that? - He goes, that other school is an hour walk from here.
Yeah, an hour walk?
That's like three miles.
Yeah.
On a bike, that would take you ten minutes.
Three miles?
It's not far, dude.
On a sleigh?
Who wrote this?
I would have to walk over three miles to get to school!
A paraplegic?
With a broken wheelchair?
And the bus doesn't come to this part of town!
Hmm, if only they'd invented the bicycle.
I'm working two jobs just to get my car out of the shop.
We have a zero tolerance policy for fighting.
What?
They were fighting Rudolph because he wouldn't play in their basketball games.
That's the only thing that isn't the same is reindeer is black.
Why'd you name your son Rudolph?
Are you really into German culture or something?
- You're not dropping out of school, Rudy.
Look, I know it's hard, son.
- Why'd you name your son Rudolph?
Are you really into German culture or something?
- Well, fight isn't gonna bring your mother back.
- Or is it Norwegian?
- Remember what she said.
Always lead with your heart, not your fist.
I want you to go work for Santa Claus.
And then, of course, the kids start picking on him.
You need to go see a mechanic or something.
The engine light's on.
It's kind of a good joke.
If you're gonna be teasing kids with red noses, that's in the top 4% quality riffs.
Your engine light is on.
Anyway, you get the picture.
It goes on and on like that.
Speaking of Norwegian, by the way, well, that's in racism.
We'll get to the Norwegian thing in a second.
We gotta still cover the stuff that's sitting at my feet here.
I finally got my cop sweatshirt!
This is 1.6.
This took three weeks to make, so it's not the most topical thing anymore.
It's not as CBD topical, but look, we've got Val, K969.
So the story is, back in, I don't know when, I think the late 80s, Detective George Cacciavelli, Cacciavelli?
I'm sorry if I mispronounced his name, was shot in Line of Duty.
So they named a canine unit after him.
I don't think he was in the canine unit, he just liked it.
And then they made this... These sweatshirts for the canine unit.
And some teacher just happened to have it on.
It's a thick sweatshirt.
It's really, really warm.
You can get them at, um... What's it called?
I should have included the link to order them.
That was stoopy of me.
But you can get them, they're in the Bronx, and they are at a place called Shiznit.
Maybe it'll be in my- Is it something searchable?
Because I can look for it as you tell the tale.
NRPD... Oh, fart biscuits!
I'll look for it.
I'm drawing a fucking blank.
Let's see here.
I know, I'll look up her name.
It's like Bridgeport or something?
I'll look up the dead detective's name because I talked to his daughter.
I tried to get her on the show and she kind of, I guess she Googled me and said no.
Diamondback!
Yeah.
Diamondback Sportswear.
DiamondbackSportswear.com.
Let me make these shirts.
Anyway, teacher wore the shirt and they said to the class, sorry, the principal of the school said the blue Lives Matter flag makes some children feel unsafe.
And that says a lot of shit, but two things it says to me is one, hey children, the cops are bad, they're dangerous, they're evil, and say someone's trying to rape you, don't go to the cops.
You just put my kids in jeopardy by telling them that, because now I'm scared that they're going to be scared of going to the cops, so fuck you.
Secondly, you're saying blue lives don't matter.
It's offensive to say blue lives matter.
And the irony is, Black Lives Matter is a Marxist organization that burns cities down.
It's a scam.
And they've made it very clear that what they're really about is dismantling the family.
Blue Lives Matter is, word for word, face value, what you get.
There's no secret dismantling of anything.
Alright, so we got that.
It's fun to wear, but... I have trouble with sweatshirts because they're so fucking hot.
Um, do you got scissors?
I do.
Let's open this box.
Yeah, that's better.
Why would I prefer scissors to a knife when you're opening a box?
Here's a fun box we just got today.
Christmas presents, Christmas presents.
Hope they don't suck.
We'll be in a new studio soon.
What?
Got it.
We'll be in a new studio soon, and we'll be able to store this shit, but as of now, in our little mouse hole, which you only have a couple weeks to rub, um...
I don't know where to store most of this shit.
Got a big Proud Boys shirt.
It says Gavin.
Okay, that's fun.
I'll have to hide that from the FBI.
Stealing our hats!
Don't let me do shots or coke.
I should have copyrighted that.
I wrote- I made that shirt in the 90s and I wasn't kidding.
Got a Proud Boys bowling shirt.
That's fun.
What?
Some patches.
This is way too much shit, dude.
Um...
American Hero, General Flynn.
That's fun.
This is like an unboxing.
This is from Bobby Pickles.
The Poe Boys.
Okay.
We've got, uh... Biden here.
Proud Boys Recruiter of the Year.
I think he would have to... He's competing with Mark Dwyer, whose shitty sentence with Max gave, uh... We've got a mask and a hat.
Boy, this is a lot of shit, dude!
Um, what's this?
O.K.
Loomer?
Get it?
Like O.K.
Boomer?
We got, uh... No Sharia in the USA, Laura Loomer, and then it says, Incest Omar, she married her brother.
No puns there!
Jesus, this must be his entire stock.
Roger Stone did nothing wrong.
My arms hurt from showing you this merch.
More Proud Boys stuff.
Proud Boys Iran.
Oh, I get it.
That's funny.
Remember, because Iran... Iranian hackers used the Proud Boys site.
Pardon Roger Stone.
That's, I guess, an old shirt.
Stan Black, stand by.
What's this now?
Is there a site?
Oh, okay, there we go.
On Parler, right?
There's probably a link.
Guinness is Gaelic for genius.
Uh... Kyle Rittenhouse did nothing wrong.
With a really cool background.
Look at that.
The Tree of Liberty.
Sick.
Must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of commies.
Okay.
And then we got, fuckin'...
Fuck Antifa.
He's got a good graphic designer.
He's kind of got a punky look to it.
Dirty Judge, my Berman Jackson.
I don't really get that.
Amy Berman Jackson, Dirty Judge.
Oh, she's the one who put Roger Stone in peril.
Oh, yeah.
Kill the elders.
Oh, I like the elders.
I guess there's a civil war going on.
Oh, this is a good one.
Proud Boys did nothing wrong.
I'm a Western chauvinist and I refuse to apologize for creating the modern world.
Defending free speech in 1776.
Speaking of Proud Boys, god damn it!
I got this letter from Max, I want to read you.
I said, my favorite thing to ask prisoners, and I don't think they enjoy it because they don't want to hear about... They don't want to talk about prison and their charges all the time.
They're done with that.
So I said to him, what percentage of the guys you meet in there are incompatible with society?
Like say a dog, right?
Say there's a dog that's been biting people and stuff.
Most of them can be retrained with just a little bit of love.
And it was just bad conditions, bad owners.
I know I'm talking about inmates like their dogs, but, um, I said to him, which ones are irrevocable, incompatible with society.
And, uh, He said, he sent me back this email, and by the way, I asked Jim Gode that once, and he said 5%.
5% is a common number, because you take away domestics where they were just fighting, but she called the cops because she was mad.
Drugs, either you're fighting for territory, or you were on drugs, or you were robbing someone because of drugs.
False accusations of fight that got out of hand.
You know, like people who randomly stabbed a stranger for no reason.
Do they belong in there?
And even when I went to that penitentiary in Philadelphia, they were talking about murderers and saying most murderers just do it once and they never do it again.
So they would have sentences of like five years.
And those guys would sit alone with the Bible.
They'd learn a trade.
They would have a little area in the back.
It was very civilized.
And the crazy part about that whole experiment is they wanted to retain the person's honor and self-respect, so they didn't follow them after.
So we don't know if that worked.
But the cage thing is clearly not working, because we do have data on that.
And recidivism is through the roof in this country.
Anyway, why don't you play the mailbag thing, and this will be our mailbag before the paywall.
Cool.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Okay, you ready for this?
I ran into my sons tonight at dinner and my youngest boy was like, how long is this?
By the way, he says it's about 1%, but he talked to some other inmates.
They said about 5% are just, they should be in a cage.
They're bad men, get them, don't put them in society.
They cannot be retrained.
It wasn't a matter of a bad owner.
It's a rabid dog that's going to bite you if you go near it.
The ratio of socially compatible slash incompatible people in prison is similar to everyday life in the street.
Learning that was quite a shock.
The antagonist in everyday life is the bully.
Chip on the shoulder, bad attitude, disrespectful, assertive types that deserve to have their dads put a cigarette out on their chest.
You don't find those guys in prison.
Those guys do pretty good in life.
They usually find themselves in places of authority because they can force people to get jobs done.
Like I guess they become foremen or managers or something like that.
They get their kicks from belittling people.
I don't see these people committing crimes past being physically abusive.
So, for the most part, they aren't robbing banks, cashing checks, selling drugs, and getting caught.
They already have their edge.
It's the little guy who needs an edge.
The Ratso Rizzo.
This is me talking.
Ratso Rizzo in Midnight Cowboy.
The little thief.
The petty little thief.
The Joe Pesci guy.
That regular Joe finds a way to make a little extra on the side, takes the risk, and gets caught like a retard.
He goes to jail and finds it's mostly full of idiots like him.
And then he adds, so it's like Weasley guys.
And then you go, okay, so it must be a bunch of little Weasley dudes with one or two giants that just run the prison.
The biggest guy in the prison, right?
That's the way it is in the movies.
No, being big doesn't mean shit in here.
Their faces bleed just as much as anyone when it's all carved up with a can lid.
Everyone is dangerous.
Everyone has to sleep carefully.
Everyone's eyes are in the front of their skull.
My point is, the big guy isn't the bully by default.
The big guys in here typically eat in their cells because they're self-conscious and don't like people watching them eat.
Weird.
I would conjecture that they are also sick of fighting all the time.
Like in Glasgow, you go up to anyone that's over six feet and you go, I bet you're getting a lot of fights with little guys, right?
And they'll go, I don't half have problem with little men.
I don't half have problem with little men.
It's true, every tall guy in Glasgow has to fight once a day.
Some little dude who wants to prove himself.
Murderers, for the most part, just happen to do it.
They weren't any more emotional than anyone else gets when their wife leaves them for another man.
They just put themselves in a situation where they can actually go through with it.
They are happy and talkative like a very normal person.
Here we go to what he calls the 1%, what other people seem to call the 5%.
The people who are incompatible with society are either hell-bent on being gangster or are mentally broken records.
People who are mental talk a big game and get their asses beat on the regular.
They are pleasant 99% of the time, but then that record spins all the way around and the needle hits the scratch and all of a sudden they want to kill your entire family.
They actually do belong in here.
Even when they didn't do the crime, they belong in here.
But there are so few of them, it seems like a fluke, a glitch in the matrix.
One of my good buddies in here was like that.
He went to the box recently.
A story for another time.
Classic, crazy, Italian, straight out of the movies.
A true killer.
No remorse.
Just killing.
Not a single person took him seriously.
99% of these gangstas, that's the other group he was referring to before he got into the broken record guys, say they're going straight when they get out.
They don't want to get caught up in the mess again.
The problem is they parole right back to the same projects with the same people, same drama, and get into the same trouble.
I do know a few of them that are set on getting busy in the streets after they get out, but even they crack once in a while and shout out to no one in particular, I just want to go home and be with my family!
There are a lot of people in here that, well, we call them Rapos.
Mostly they stand out, but on more than one occasion I've got to talking to guys in my electrical class on the walk back to the dorms, somebody will come up to me and say, uh, you should stay clear of that guy.
And I'll be completely caught off guard.
Really?
No way, that guy?
And they go, yeah, that motherfucker wore a dolphin mask and shook his dick at a bunch of nuns on vacation at SeaWorld.
And then I go, no fucking way!
I believe that was a made-up example.
It's like that sometimes.
Mostly they stick to themselves, never talk to anyone but each other.
So you can tell the type just by looking at the way they move.
I never trusted creepy people and I never will.
When they looked apart, you know that's what they're in here for.
This prison has a lot of them, but that's because the system keeps them concentrated in a few spots.
So, to sum it up, prison isn't what people think it is.
Living in prison is not a constant reminder that you are being punished.
Prison is society away from society.
When you fuck up in the big world, you get sent to the small world.
People can function in society when they respect others, use formalities, and clean up after themselves.
Most prisoners fit that criteria.
And then he adds, the people who belong in prison are the ones who drive slow in the fucking left lane.
What are you doing, asshole, grandma, motherfucker, Toyota Corolla, cocksucker?
I think he was trying to end on a moment of levity.
All right, so that's in front of the paywall.
We still have a lot of news to get to, but I think we've given the freeloaders enough.
We were unable to take you on, freeloaders, and indulge you in our services, but we now can.
So come aboard and get your friggin' friends for Christmas a membership.
Get a monthly one.
Get a year one.
You should get a year.
It's a hundred bucks.
And sign up.
And they'll be... Hopefully they won't watch the tomorrow's December 24th Christmas present thing as the first thing.
That would be unfortunate.
But I think they're going to be very happy with the next week of content.
Alright, so... That brings us to... The way we end every show.
Which is... Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave and never stop fighting.
The rich and the poor ones The road is so long And so happy Christmas For black and for white For yellow and red ones Let's stop all the lies
Our very very rich life Bye.
Can I take this off yet?
I'm anti-sweater.
Starting today.
I don't have to wear these for another year.
And we'll be in the new studio next year and we can turn it into a fucking fridge.
What are you running around for?
You have to go get water?
Oh, that's more important.
Our TriCaster overheats on these long shows.
So I was talking about Santa earlier, and how he's kind of Norwegian.
He seems... Jim Gold wrote a great article on Tacky Mag about the oranges and Christmas, because a few years ago, Megyn Kelly got in big shit for saying, uh, Santa's not black.
And it's just a fact.
I mean, the Easter Bunny's not a dog.
We're not saying dogs are bad, but Santa's not black.
You know, if we would just aerosol that thing out, all the dust would come out and we'd stop having this overheating problem.
I'll order some of that right now.
What is it called?
Dust Away?
Dust Away?
I don't think so.
Compressed air.
Shit, we could cut out.
That thing's humming away.
You know what's funny?
I got that used for $15,000.
Brand new now, they're maybe two.
The technology has increased.
That's true.
So, I just sent you a funny email.
Don't go on Amazon and buy shit when we're fucking here.
Doing a show.
Sorry.
of all the times to finally get around to buying that.
Yeah, right on my notes.
Compressed.
Oh, you know what was weird?
We had to, um... I didn't get that email yet.
When we were shopping around for sites, I mean, for banks, some insider goes, yeah, this sounds political, but also, dude, don't have an auctions link on your site.
Why?
Banks hate auctions.
They're notoriously corrupt.
But we don't see the money.
The money's over at the auction site.
It goes straight to Zenoa.
It never touches our hands.
I didn't want to touch it, because I don't want to get taxed on it.
So we had to take that down.
So we'll be getting that back up soon.
The auctions will be back up.
And my notes are for sale, 25 bucks each.
It was your idea.
I didn't suggest selling my signed notes.
Oh, and we're going to have the posters, the timeline posters.
Can you go grab that?
Those are gonna be 100 bucks signed, and I think 20 bucks unsigned.
But that'll be, it's right there against the wall.
Isn't that nice?
Very high quality paper, too.
So I've signed it and numbered.
We only made 200 of these.
Rare edition.
I spelt declaration wrong, as Milo likes to point out, but otherwise everything is correct.
I fixed about 10 mistakes before I printed these.
So that'll be fun.
Um... A very Merry Christmas!
My email didn't arrive yet?
No.
That's not good.
I don't like that.
You just sent it, right?
Yeah, but it's so weird that things have to go to outer space before they can go five feet over to the left.
What the hell?
So I was talking about how Santa's- Just got it.
This was something my wife just sent me that I think I should share with you.
Dad's getting ready for all the shit they need to build and put together.
The thing that annoys me about Christmas, like my son wanted this thing last year that was this Hot Wheels fucking castle.
It was so huge and you that you had took batteries and the cars will go down this big thing and they go they go back up the elevator and they go to various it was like a parking garage but for us a massive mall that had cool tracks and everything.
It took me two hours to get together and I think my youngest boy played with it for two hours total.
So it was a project for me.
So many of these are a project for me.
Yeah, I think that's... No, but it's basically that.
It's very similar.
I think it had King Kong on it.
Yeah, it had a gorilla on it.
Who would try to stop you from going all the way up.
But these trends with Hot Wheels, and he's over Hot Wheels now.
He doesn't care about Hot Wheels.
I'm very scared that toys are done.
Oh shit, I didn't do a wrap-up.
I think we have a post thing when we talk about the collars.
Yeah, I think toys are done.
I've watched my kids' Christmas lists go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It was hard to cram it all into one page.
There was so much Ninja Turtle stuff.
And then my youngest boys now, my seven year olds, it's like Roblox, blah, blah, blah.
Almost no, I think one or two physical things.
We had to push one thing on him.
We're like, you should probably ask Santa for one of those electrical motorbikes that you sort of sit on and you can toot around the driveway.
He's like, why?
I don't know, Santa might really want to get you one.
So you have some toys in your thing, and it's not all video game shit.
But I hereby predict that toys are about to become extinct.
That is my prediction.
But speaking of Santa being Norwegian, I thought this was awesome, 1-7.
This guy has a Norwegian first name.
He's probably in Norway.
And their O has a line through it.
Oh, we should do the racism thing.
Let's talk about racism.
- That was racist, guys. - Shit.
Wait, post roll.
Post roll means it's after the...
We drew the paywall.
Because Bubba and Hanks, I haven't said that one yet.
Is that supposed to go to the free podcast?
I could text them.
Well, yeah, of course it does.
They want to be... Okay, let's make the show end now.
Okay.
Before we go, we want you to go to BubbaAndHanks.com.
Promo code Gavin.
20% off all orders.
The official Proud Wagyu.
BubbaAndHanks.com.
Promo code Gavin.
We have two Christmas giveaways.
Collar number one.
We still got a lot to talk about.
Collar number one, Bubba and Hanks prize pack, a BeardVet prize pack, and a Johnny Apple prize pack.
Collar number two gets...
Exactly the same thing.
The Bubba and Hanks prize pack, the BeardVet prize pack, and the Johnny Apple prize pack.
First two lucky callers.
First two lucky callers.
And Ryan will not forget.
No.
Okay, so now again we say, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Right?
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