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Dec. 3, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:38:28
GOML LIVE #76 - THE LAST DANCE
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Time Text
Oh, live from New York.
It's get off my lawn with my hair.
Holiday edition.
Fuck you.
I'm the company, bitch.
I don't know if it's too late.
They might have another drop.
Yeah, let's do it.
As soon as I can look that up, yeah.
That was Indila.
Indila.
And she is the voice behind the hottest trend in India right now, which is listening to a remix of that song and making a funny face that sounds that looks like the Joker.
As you may have noticed, I'm drunk, so we'll be sort of flopping back and forth from efficient to inefficient on today's episode.
I already forgot the book of the day.
Let's use this book.
Gaylord Phoenix.
Some guy...
I did a couple transactions in my time that were completely cash-based and I couldn't pay the IRS.
So I bought a lot of shit.
And one of my things was collecting books.
So this is one of the books I bought.
And it's just an illustrated book by a guy named Gaylord Phoenix.
It's really good.
And I'll never look at it again.
I think my daughter will one day if she goes to art school.
That'll be the book.
Let's leave it alone.
But yeah, we got obsessed with the Indian Joker last night.
And not last night.
Two days ago.
And then made it the thrust of yesterday's show, The Crux.
And we finally tracked down the song.
It's a French song by this woman in Dila, and I don't like it.
Here's why.
It's a good song.
I love it.
I don't like her Arabic singing.
See, this is the end of Paris.
That's fine.
I'm working up that part.
We're just walking up the hill.
It reminds me of Pakistan's Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan and his Qawwali singing.
Look up Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan.
We got a letter from.
Oh shit.
What kind of singing?
Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan.
Singing.
Nusrat N-U-S-R-E-T Fata Ali Khan.
It's called Kawali singing.
They have this like, oh, shaky shit.
No, ignore Peter Gabriel, dude.
Jump right to Nusrit.
Kawali singing.
There we go.
Hear that?
And I smell that in that song.
It's got an element in that.
I didn't think it was French at first.
I thought it was just Arabic.
Right, that's bad.
And she is like Armenian, Syrian, Pakistani, French.
She's a million different races.
Okay, we just open a letter from John, and it is...
Whoa.
Sidney Powell.
Surrounded by a bunch of emojis.
Beautiful.
XOXO love.
Bay.
Divine.
Amazing.
OMG.
That's amazing.
What a phenomenally weird drawing from a guy in prison.
Speaking of John, he's in a Snapple commercial someone sent in.
And it's funny because he's born and raised Chicago and he's like, New Yorkers love Snapple.
It's our favorite shit over here.
He'd lived in New York when he made this commercial for like a week.
America, New Yorkers love all natural Snapple and we want you to love it too.
Snapple's born in New York.
It's one tradition that's never gone out of style.
That's probably not from New York either.
Every time I open this and I hear that pop.
New Yorkers love it!
You're gonna love it too!
Snapple made from the best stuff on earth.
Here's a fun game to play.
By the way, let's slow down here.
We have to do our announcements and everything.
I'm diving into the show too fast.
Welcome to the free episode of Get Off My Lawn.
This is where we take a lot of calls.
We also dress head-to-toe in Budweiser.
You have Budweiser socks yet?
Yep.
I'm not going to show them.
That's private.
But we also want to thank, before we get started, our number one sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD.
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Johnny Apple is the official proud CBD.
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I think they were our first sponsor on our first episode.
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Start your Christmas shopping early and support Patriot-owned business.
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got scott are you there sir hey how you doing my man i'm good how are you uh i'm beat man i'm beat we're just uh kind of wrapping it up uh i just had a i forgot all about your calling it's like insane it was sane over there uh today, but good,
insane.
Very good, insane.
So, what were the exact charges that Danny was charged with?
You know what?
It's so surreal what's going on.
The sheriff's department has no concept of what's going on.
You know, I was there yesterday when he got arrested.
We were sitting with his lawyer and Danny, and, you know, we were trying to come up with what the next step is.
And then they came swarming in.
He left the door open and they came swarming in.
And they spent an hour in there.
They kicked us out because no one was allowed to be in there.
And I guess I don't know what it's so, you know, it's just mind-boggling because they have no concept of why they even locked him up because there was nobody, you know, there was six people in there.
And so then they came and they posted, you got to forgive me.
I've been screaming all day and I've been at a commission.
Well, I'm drunk, so we're both in the same boat.
You know what it's like.
Yeah, been there.
So yeah, it's really hard to say, you know, it's all sorts of stuff going on.
And what they posted on the door was that they weren't allowed.
They were allowed to go back in the place today, this morning, but nobody else was allowed.
No workers, no family, no nothing.
They had to convince the sheriff that his attorney was allowed to go in there.
That took about 25 minutes for that to happen.
Well, I saw the attorney was getting charged, too.
They were writing up the attorney because he's an employee of Max Public House.
Listen, my man, this is the problem.
I don't know.
What's my, can I curse on the show?
I don't know.
Can I be Scott Lubedo?
You can be Scott Lubedo.
Okay.
The fucking governor and the fucking mayor, they send in these poor souls, okay?
Everybody's got to remember the Sheriff's Department has nothing to do with the NYPD.
Nothing.
They dressed them up in the NYPD looking uniforms to confuse everybody, okay?
The sheriffs, they are revenue collectors.
That's all they are.
Okay?
They have no jurisdiction being there.
So they don't even know what they are doing.
This is the sad part.
Across this country, well, especially here in the city, the sheriff doesn't even have a clue what they're doing.
And they have control because they arrested the guy.
The only reason I came out is because I wasn't ready to get arrested because I had to leave this rally today, tonight.
How'd it go tonight?
How was the turnout?
It was phenomenal.
Listen, I called this at like 9 o'clock last night on my social media, telling people to get their fucking asses down here at 6 o'clock tonight.
And at least 2,000 people showed up.
That was fantastic.
And it was people with heart and soul that never had it before.
Because you know as well as I do, people are woke and they are fired up.
Moms, okay?
Families, people that never went out and come out and protest like me and you do.
These people were out in force, and that was the most beautiful thing.
I got to ask you, are you...
The place you're talking from now, is that where you murder people?
What is with the black garbage bags on the wall?
Is that where you cut people up?
I did come and run into an Italian restaurant just to come and talk to you because I was outside.
So we're in Staten Island, so, you know, maybe.
It's none of our business.
Let's not pride.
Keep it floating up in the air so you don't see the bodies on the floor.
Well, you know what's impressive about Danny and Keith is that they have the balls to stand up to these people.
But I think part of it is they were kind of left with no choice.
Like I talked to them on Sunday and they said, what do I do?
I abide by their rules, I go bankrupt.
I fight them, I go bankrupt.
I'll choose fighting them.
Well, that's the whole point with Danny and Keith.
They approached me because I had a big rally in Manhattan in the summertime and at City Hall, as a matter of fact.
And it was a beautiful rally.
And my message was to the businesses, the small businesses, especially the restaurant businesses and the bar businesses.
If you get 500 restaurants in one community that all do this autonomous zone thing that I did for them, where everybody just says, F you, we're not abiding by these state rules and regulations by this dictatorship.
And the sheriff's department would never be able to handle it.
But I understand people don't want to go down that road to lose everything.
But what happened with Danny and Keith is they approached me and they said, Scott, we want to do your thing.
You're right.
So the autonomous zone was your idea.
You're going to go down, okay?
But you're going to go down as a fucking hero, okay?
And you're going to have the world watching you.
And that's exactly what happened.
So they did put the balls on.
And exactly what they said.
They said, we have to close up anyway.
We're shutting down anyway.
My livelihood is fucked.
It's over.
So why not go down with guns blazing?
Now, Scott, we have a delay here.
We have a delay, but let me interrupt you.
So the idea of the autonomous zone, the tape on the sidewalk, that was your idea.
Did you put the tape on the sidewalk?
Yes, and I made those signs that said we did not abide by the laws.
You know, look, I got the idea from Seattle when those jackasses did that thing in Chad, and they got away with it for a month.
That they wouldn't, the authorities would not come in.
So anyway, it was a matter of maybe theatrics, but also, hey, let's try it.
This is what we're saying.
You know, this is what they're saying.
We're not taking it anymore.
We're not abiding by your rules.
Meanwhile, they were.
They were abiding by all the rules.
It's a tiny little place.
It's a little mom-and-pop bar tavern.
You could fit 15 people in a place.
And they did everything by the book, masks, the tables.
There's nobody that's allowed at the bar, separated, and it was beautiful.
So again, my statement today was, you know, we have home goods down the street here.
Home goods.
People are lined up in there shopping for ceramic penguins to put on their friggin mantle.
Okay.
But this guy can't sell a hamburger, you know, and a beer at his little mom and pop shop.
And that's pretty disgusting.
Okay.
Selective enforcement.
It's a great example of the hypocrisy.
I don't know.
This district, you can't eat in a restaurant, but across the street, you can have a ball.
What the hell is that?
It's insanity.
It's insanity.
It's oppression.
It's un-American.
Scott, thanks for coming on the show.
Edifying as always.
Let's talk again soon.
All right, my friend.
Thanks for having me.
Cheers, Scott.
So that's interesting.
So it was Scott's idea.
He made, I thought the autonomous zone lettering looked very good.
You know what I mean?
He's an artist.
With all due respect to Keith and Danny, the font was just duct tape, but it was like laid out beautifully.
We kind of broke that story.
That's a major scoop.
I didn't know that either.
Scott Libedo is the guy who is the brainchild.
He's the sabo behind fucking this entire thing with Max Public House.
So who is there now?
There's Max Public House, who said, fuck you to the COVID bullshit.
There's the New Jersey gym where they ripped up the fine.
And the New Jersey gym, by the way, it's the same gym.
The guy with the big beard we showcased yesterday, he's the same guy who chased off the health inspectors and said, this is our property.
You need a warrant.
Get out of the parking lot.
So that's two.
Then you have the barbecue joint in Toronto, Etobicoke, I believe, just outside of Toronto, where that guy was arrested.
That's only three.
Look, everyone's going broke.
We need more than three.
We need more than three people willing to get fired.
Yeah, we're waiting, Don.
Do we have any footage of the show tonight?
I'm looking for the show, the demonstration.
Yeah, I'm looking on Periscope.
He doesn't have it on the screen.
I'm looking on Periscope.
What about Mac's Public House Facebook feed?
It's MAC Apostrophe S, right?
You're not adding a K?
No.
Hold on, we got three hours ago.
That's pretty good.
It started three hours ago.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
That's awesome.
Look at that.
That's everyone in Staten Island.
It's amazing.
It's kind of weird at a rally.
You're like, oh, shh, shit.
Wow.
Oh, Scott painted that.
That's a Scott painting.
Yeah, he does those great American flags.
I don't think I've ever been sober around him in my life, and I've hung out with him like 10 times.
Deplorable, he did a live painting.
Yep.
I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to be sober enough to talk at that deplorable.
You know, it's cool.
Now they can sing the chorus, but it's weird when you're at a rally and the chorus is part of your demonstration and there's a guitar solo.
Oh, yeah, whatever.
Because you have to sort of sit there and go through the guitar solo.
We ain't gonna take it.
What a hero that guy is.
We're not gonna take it.
Come on.
You're all worthless and weak.
Which is from Animal House.
There's no footage of looting or anything yet.
That's weird.
I guess that's gonna come up later.
Yeah.
Again, did you know it's racist to point that out?
Of course.
You can't tell people.
If you say, at least we don't riot when we don't get our way, and when you say we, you mean Trump supporters, you're racist.
How fucking fed up you are.
Yeah!
You can go to HomeGoods and buy a porcelain bunny for your fucking mantle, but these guys can't sell a goddamn hamburger and a beer.
All the big box stores are open.
Home Depot, Kmart, Walmart, thousands of people.
You go there.
There's no regulations in there.
This guy's got seven people in here.
Look at this.
Look at there were 20 of them here last night.
This is disgusting.
This is what doesn't.
We are on that fucking line right now across this country.
Okay?
And it's about these governors and these mayors.
What's he saying?
Chromo sucks.
All right, we got it.
That's a great turnout.
That's really impressive.
Can you go get our beard vet stuff from the cupboards?
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We are sort of turning our backs on Black Rifle Coffee.
They seem to have thrown Kyle Rittenhouse under the bus.
We have moved on to Beard Vet.
Look at all this cool shit They have.
We've been using it, well, I've been using it on my beard, but I've also been trying the coffee, which is it gets you pumped and alert, but sort of like Johnny Apple CBD, you are not sketched out.
Here's the coffee.
So the way I feel about this is the way I feel about Johnny Apple CBD, which is if you are going to buy CBD or beard cream or beard anything, why wouldn't you go with patriots?
Why wouldn't you go with people who believe in what you believe in?
Look at this cool thing.
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You get the beard cream.
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You get the coffee.
You get the beard balm.
Let's put the beard balm in right now.
And the thing I hate about beard balms and mustache waxes, they have a smell.
And I don't like smelling things all day.
You know what I mean?
But this smell is, it's not a smell.
It's like 0.01%.
If you had to name what it was, you'd be like, it's just a tree outside.
It's not invasive.
It's incredibly subtle.
And it's gone in about a second.
And you just feel fresher after.
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All right, I think that's the end of the free segment.
Oh, what's that about?
That your alarm saying we're done with these.
No, that's me telling my kids to put their phones away.
So let me just text them because I'm a corrections officer.
Phones downstairs.
You know, the other way to make sure the phones go downstairs is just to have a draconian punishment where when you don't put your phone downstairs, you don't see it for two days.
So now they have to put it down there.
By the way, before you hang up, I invented a new thing.
Gradual punishment, I call it.
Now, let me explain.
If your daughter does something terrible, like, I don't know, goes into your gun safe or is home an hour after curfew or something, you ground her for five days, right?
It's the end of the world.
Terrible.
But what about minor transgressions?
Like, what if your daughter spills your beer?
It was an accident, but you don't want it to happen again.
So you know what you do?
You do what I call a gradual punishment.
You take off her glasses and you throw them over on the carpet like 10 feet away.
And then she has to go get them.
So, oh, you inconvenience her to the same level, basically.
Exactly.
I see it.
It's a gradual punishment.
My punishment as a father is not all or nothing.
So say I go, hey guys, we're getting close to bedtime.
They go, whatever.
Oh, really?
You have attitude?
I will confiscate your lamp for two hours.
I unplug it.
I bring it over to my room.
You do?
Yeah.
It's a new thing.
Or say a kid's like, I say it's recycling.
Everyone get all the cardboard together.
And someone's like, oh.
And then as they're grabbing it, they go, I got it all and they don't have it all.
You know what I do then?
I take all the cardboard and I push it out of their hands.
Now you got none.
Now they have none.
Now they have to pick it up again.
They laugh because they're not used to gradual punishment and they have to pick it up.
But this is my new thing.
I grab your fork, throw it away.
Can't wait to be a dad.
That sounds awesome.
Yeah.
Minor punishments is my new thing.
That's what Tony Soprano did where the kid was completely.
He's like, I don't like the cereal.
He's like, and he takes it, walks over the sink all slow and dumps it.
He's like, now you got nothing.
I'll throw your sweater downstairs.
I'll stand on your hat.
I'll take your book and remove your bookmark.
You lost your place.
That's rough.
Yeah, I got a lot of shit up my sleeve with these kids.
Where's your pillow?
I don't know.
It's gone.
I took it away because you said, what?
New invention, folks.
Gradual punishment.
So it looks like the protest at Max Public House was a smashing success.
Scott Lebedo did a fantastic job.
But we got to go.
We have to go behind a paywall now.
And we'll start taking calls, doing drawings that we will sell on the doodle auction.
I almost said the vice doodle auction.
Oh, snap.
Haven't worked there in 15 years.
But for those of you freebie hijackers enjoying yourselves, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
I think the fall of France was really Napoleon's nephew deciding to invade the Middle East and the Arab world and making a conjunction there where Arabs became part of French culture.
Their fucking noses.
When you get off the plane in Paris and you look at your first Frenchman, you go, are you a racist cartoon of a Jew?
It is a fucking toucan beak.
They have way bigger noses than the most insulting Jewish caricature.
Can you put that back in the freezer, please?
I don't like the butt cheek.
You don't like the buck cheek?
It's too much mice.
And I blame the Arabs.
I mean, why do blacks and Arabs have big noses?
Why do blacks and Jews and Arabs have big noses?
Why do I have such a little button?
Because your nostrils are trying to get oxygen.
They're trying to get moisture from the air.
So black noses go like this for some reason, and Semitic noses go like that for some reason.
So their nostrils are like that.
Black nostrils are like that, and they're trying to get in moisture.
In Scotland, you don't even need a nose.
You could have two pinpricks here.
You'd still be drowning in moisture.
And being good at it, if you will.
Anyway, we have our normal news.
Santifa, COVID, fucking election gate, my Christmas tree story.
I was watching the Beluchi dock before I came here.
Great guy.
Albanian.
He's not Italian.
He's Albanian.
What?
Yeah.
Wow.
I don't even see it.
How many Albanians do you know?
I knew a couple.
My friend Mark, who passed away, he was super Albanian.
How did he die?
We're not sure yet.
It's one of those things where they didn't announce it, so you kind of think the worst things.
Even if it's the worst thing, I think you should announce it because now we're...
That's how I feel.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
Especially with pills and stuff.
Like, what pills was he doing?
Right.
What if every pill, like fentanyl with Prince and fucking Tom Petty?
Like, tell us the drug.
So other kids can go, oh, I know Fentanyl.
It killed Prince, Tom Petty, blah, blah, blah.
Lil Pump, whatever.
Yeah, a little peep, I think, right?
Little peep.
Believe me, and I am always right.
All right, should we jump into calls?
Maybe we should.
Of course.
Let me find a picture to draw.
Oh, do you want to show that?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was at the fag zone this morning.
Sure were.
On my way to work.
I decided to pop in and wake up and pick up Ryan.
I have a key to his apartment.
And I want to show you the power of Dernier Dance, Last Dance by Indila.
It's a weird stain on your cheek.
You're good at comedy when you can do it one second after you wake up.
I'll put you out for a fucking week.
Or when you're getting beat up, you're devoted.
You're devoted.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I know the rules, I think.
Yeah.
What the fuck were you listening to?
Me jamming out.
I did a four and a half hour stream on YouTube of me just jamming out to music.
And then you replayed it to yourself as you slept?
Yes.
So what time did you go to bed at?
Oh, I don't remember.
I don't know.
I don't remember.
Probably like 4 a.m.
That sounds about right.
You probably went from 12 to 4 doing your stupid stream.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not that late.
No, no.
What do you mean?
No, I don't stream that late.
But how did you, like, you were asleep and your stream was playing?
Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
I just listened to it.
I was listening, reviewing, you know, my, like, because you, it's like watching game tape or something.
You're just like, what did I do that I could keep?
Because a lot, it just happens.
You know, you're playing and it just, all these things happen, and you don't have time to process it.
You could also be a self-obsessed megalomaniac that just wants to.
No, I'm pretty critical.
I'm like, ugh, that stinks.
Most of it, I think, is, you know, almost good.
So anyway, so you did it from 12 to 4, but I came in and woke you up around 11 a.m., right?
So that stream that you played was only four hours?
Four and a half hours, yeah.
But I don't know where in that stream it was.
So it loops?
No.
Oh, no, no, no.
It doesn't.
See, I get up early.
I get up early, sometimes around 8, and then I'll go back to sleep.
And what do you do when you wake up early?
Take a pee.
And then you put on a tape of yourself and go back to sleep.
Because I had a nightmare that I peed my pants.
Yeah, that's not a nightmare.
A little bit came out.
I'm not proud.
That's not a nightmare.
This guy, by the way, I'm at his house.
I'm at the fag zone.
And he goes, I almost clogged the toilet.
Oh, how?
Big huge shit?
No, toilet paper.
Oh, why would you have so much toilet paper?
Well, I was cleaning the toilet seat, and I used a lot of toilet paper.
I didn't want to sit and piss.
Okay.
Why is there so much piss on your toilet seat?
Oh, probably because I don't put up the toilet seat when I go piss.
Just seems like a waste of time.
Seems like too much effort.
Okay.
So it's too much effort to lift up a toilet seat.
Toilet.
The lid.
Not the lid.
The lid is the top part, the seat.
Oh, yeah.
It's too much effort to lift up the toilet seat.
So you don't do that, and then you piss all over it, and then you spend like five minutes with toilet paper washing the piss stains and almost clogging the toilet because the rest is too much work.
See, I almost lifted it, and then I realized I don't put my hands on there because it's also very dirty.
Then I have to wash my hands.
Holy fuck, you're fucking.
Like, just listen to the logic of it's too much work to lift up the toilet seat right after you had done all that work.
Let's see what my dad has to say.
It's quiet, yeah, no, it's quiet, Blue.
Hey, Dad.
Hi, buddy.
How you doing?
Oh, everything is wonderful.
It's lovely being down here in Florida.
The weather's a bit cold.
But other than that.
Hey, listen, Mom phones you, so see hi.
Okay.
Hi, honey.
Hi, Mom.
Um, yeah, I'm just kind of lying here thinking, Jesus Christ, Christmas is going to be a bit weird.
Yeah.
I don't think we'll get there.
You know, we had quite a time getting here in the first place from Canada.
You don't have to pretend that you don't want to come, Mom.
I know you don't love us.
Are you kidding?
I'm desperate for company, even yours.
You know, Emily and I are going through a weird thing.
She's kind of mad at me right now for the most ridiculous thing ever.
We were at a party and there was this gay guy there.
And him and I went into the bathroom and we were kidding, basically, but we were making out and I was touching his cock as a joke and fondling him.
And we both were nude when she walked in.
And she's turning it into this whole like, you're gay, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, we were making fun of gays.
It was a private parody.
And she doesn't get it.
Can you talk to her?
You understand it's not a good visual.
I kind of get that.
I sort of get that.
But if she could have known the context of it, it was like a play.
We were doing a play.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, is this all part of your show?
Yeah, you're on my show.
You're on my show right now.
Oh, God.
How do you not know your son has a show live on Wednesday nights?
Oh, I didn't know that.
How would I know that?
Well, you'd have to love me and care to know.
All right, I better get back to it then.
Are you serious?
You have to just say hello and goodbye?
Well, I'm happy to have you on for as long as you'd like.
We're going to take calls soon.
Oh, okay, honey.
That'll be very nice.
Okay.
So you're fed up with Dad, are you?
So you got to...
No, we'll talk to Dad.
What's Dad got to say?
Let's talk to Dad.
Bring on Jimmy McKennis.
He's on the other phone.
Oh, no, no.
Bonnie, I watched you in Staten Island at the Max bar.
Yeah, we just talked to them.
No, I said I watched you.
And I said we just spoke to them.
Oh, okay.
So, and there was a big thing on Tucker as well tonight.
But he's a bit late at the party.
Yep.
But I didn't realize that they divided Staten Island in two.
Yeah, nor did I until I got there.
So the cases are worse on the southern end.
So they're terrorizing the southern end.
And the northern end is fine.
So this bar is right on the border.
Yeah, but you know, a lot of people don't know that viruses are very, very sensitive to borders.
You see, wait a minute.
It traveled from China to Europe, but it's not going to travel from one end of Staten Island to the other.
Yeah, good point.
Time sensitive.
It doesn't come on until 10 or 12 next time.
Yeah.
Well, you've got to see this pub, too.
It's the smallest pub.
It's smaller than the Hopeton in Lead Hills.
Actually, no, it's the same size.
I'm not joking.
It's the size of the Hopedon in Lead Hills, the back area, not the front area.
And these guys are trying to make a buck, and they're getting terrorized by Cuomo and de Blasio.
And all these politicians are happy to go to their luncheons and their fancy restaurants.
But these poor bastards who bust their ass in sanitation all day are not allowed to have a beer after a hard day's work.
It's sickening, you know?
You get politicians who are making, you know, in Canada, they got 20% increase while poor sods.
And it just drives me crazy because they were always on about, oh yeah, small industries are the engine of the economy.
And then you're thinking, oh, really?
You mean that politicians don't actually create wealth?
Is that what you're saying?
Oh, my God.
Oh, oh, oh.
Why are you shitting on them all day if they're such an integral part of the economy?
Oh, I know.
It's unbelievable.
You know, they've got a barbecue guy in Ontario.
They find him something like $15,000.
He's a young father with two kids, a wife and two kids.
His business, and hundreds, of course, they look as if they see hardly anyone, but of course, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people turned up and said, we love his, he ran out of food within about an hour because everybody came to support him.
You know, the whole thing about the so-called stupid common man is that they've got tons of common sense.
Politicians and everybody like that has none.
Absolutely zilt zero nothing in their heads.
Gavin, you should have seen the number of police that turned out.
And they were, they were, some of them were on horseback.
They backed them.
No, seriously, Gavin, they backed them near the front door and then fined them.
The health people came and fined them another, God knows how many thousands of dollars.
Because the horses did what horses do.
They pooped at the front of his restaurant or the back at the front.
So he's getting horse shit fines now?
Yes, of course.
It's against health.
You can have dogs and horses pooping in the house.
Where were they at all these Black Lives Matter and Antifa riots, all these rallies, all these fucking...
In New York, we had 200,000 people saying Trans Lives Matter.
Not one arrest.
Okay, you know something?
The police are in black with black face masks.
They're Antifa.
They're wearing sunglasses and black masks.
They're the new Antifa.
Well, I try to defend the police here on the show, Mom, and I think they're just following orders, and their orders are fucking insane.
So it's either quit your job or they've got more applications for retirement than practically anybody else.
They want to get out of it.
They understand.
No, no, I get that.
Of course.
Of course.
Okay, mom, I have to start taking calls here.
Not to get too off-topic, but would it have killed you to get me a $6 million man and not his fucking boss, Oscar Goldman?
It's a collector's item.
No, okay, well, that was...
I don't want a collector's item when I'm nine years old.
I want the bionic man.
I was thinking ahead.
I was thinking.
Well, where is it now?
Why do you need to help me preserve it?
Because it was teaching you it's possible.
Okay.
Last question, and this is very serious.
I'm sorry to get so heavy at the end of our conversation, but Dad, when you were quitting smoking, you said I'll give you $5 for every cigarette I smoke.
And I remember going to ashtrays and I go 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
And I accrued, I believe, $350 of cigarettes that you smoked after our bet.
Sound reasonable?
Probably.
Why did you then take that money out of my account and spend it?
I said he does.
It's all about tough love.
Do you recall I charged you a robber's fee and you had to replenish the account to the tune of $400?
That happened.
It's called parenting, Gavin.
Get with it.
It's called robbing motherfuckers blood!
All right.
They did that.
If some Indian dude did that to me, I'd go, oh, you can make a funny face.
You were doing a perfect job with not even trying.
What the fuck you?
What are you?
You want to piss off a fucking Indian?
Any third world person?
You go, your uncle's a donkey.
Don't use first world insults on third world people.
Don't say, fuck you, fuck your mother.
That's our vernacular.
They go, my mother, what?
She's floating down the Yangtze.
She has no arms.
We burnt her alive for desecrating the family.
We did an honor killing.
Buddy.
Buddy?
But yeah, call a relative of theirs an animal.
Not even a fly.
That's, I think, too low.
It should be like a donkey, a monkey.
Believe a mouse?
Your mother's a mouse?
I think that really hurts them.
We got Chris on one.
Chris on one.
Hey, Chris on one.
Hi, Chris.
Hey, can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Yep, yep.
You're live, dude.
Hey, what's up, dude?
Hey.
Hey, Gavin, when you do that face, you look a lot like Crowder, and it's freaking hilarious.
But I got two things for you guys.
One, Ryan, look up on YouTube.
I've sent this into the mailbag a couple times, but you obviously haven't read it.
Do Running in the 90s Car Chase.
It's like four minutes, so I mean, you can watch it on the show if you want, but I mean, if you want to take your own time, do that.
But anyway, Gavin, the So you're getting a lot out of this call.
You get a homework assignment.
We have to look up a video.
You get to talk about your inspirations.
It's basically your show.
Thank you for calling, sir.
It's been a pleasure getting to know you, and we will definitely check out your video.
You just got the fade, dog.
Hey, man, long time to call.
Look up this YouTube video.
Fucking fuck right in the ass.
Go out on a Thursday.
And then I have some stuff I want to ask you about.
I don't think this is it.
This isn't four minutes.
What is this, man?
It's like a random car accident video.
This guy's going to crash.
Surface.
Isn't it?
Send it to the mail.
Ryan at.
Oh, wow.
Ryan at sensor.tv.
Hi.
Way to handle yourself, dude.
Isn't it funny how we always root for the bad guys?
Yeah.
It's a strange.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Western trait?
I think it might be a West.
I don't know if it's even...
Maybe it's a global trait.
But that guy could have raped babies.
Yeah.
It's all the babies' dads.
Finally catching the baby rapists.
They're in the car.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That car could be full of babies that are being raped.
And we're sitting there going, come on, dude, you can do it.
Yeah, even on Catch a Predator, I'm like, he might be able to.
Oh, they caught him.
Yeah, like in Catch a Predator, or Catch a Predator.
Yeah, maybe with that.
But even with America's Most Wanted, I'd be like, I'd see his face and they'd be like, he's wanted here.
And they'd show his face and I'd go, dude, you're fucked, man.
Then you'll find out like he burnt a woman alive.
Oh, they got him.
Oh, well.
He's not getting away from that.
No, no, no.
That's over.
Alright, we got Eddie.
Eddie Cantor.
Eddie Cantor, what's going on, Bacho Berti Buno?
I'm a jolly bunter.
Yeah, no, I was calling because I wanted to say, man, what the fuck is up with these police?
When is it going to be time for them to choose the sign?
You know, we give them all this support.
You know, whenever the c gets shot, stuff like that, and we're all right there by them.
And I used to hate the police.
And then Obama came with all his bullshit with Michael Byrne and all that.
And, you know, then I started to love the police.
But why should we give them all this support if they're not willing to support us?
Well, they get assigned shitty jobs.
Like, what should you do?
So you got to go arrest the people at this Max public house.
What do they say?
No?
I'm not going.
Okay, you're fired.
All right, fuck you.
So they should all be getting fired.
Like, there's sort of like the military dissent.
They have to go to Iraq.
They have to go to Afghanistan.
Should they say no?
That's a stupid war.
I don't want to go to that war.
I mean, you know, they have to do some horrible shit.
Should they get fired?
Great.
Never stop fighting.
Yeah, you're right.
It's a strange situation.
And I feel kind of uncomfortable, to be totally honest, in it.
I know that when John and Max were arrested, not the chief of police, but whatever you're, one of these dumb categories like the alderman went over to John and he said, I like beer.
And he slammed his hands on the table.
Of course, Johnston still went to jail for four years.
But yeah, I know what you mean, dude.
Should they just say fuck you to their assignment and get fired?
I guess that's a lot of money.
And they're going to have a lot of other dumb assignments over the years.
Yeah, all right.
Thank you, bro.
Bye.
He wanted to get out of there fast.
Yeah, what the heck?
Cody.
Trump's hard to draw.
What's up?
Hey, dude.
How's it going?
What's going on, guy?
Oh, nothing much.
I got a...
Okay, so I have two things, but just tell me to fuck off for one of them if you want.
I got a would you rather and a gross baby rape.
Which one would you rather like?
Gross baby rape?
No, not gross baby rape?
Gross babe rape for Gavin.
Okay, what's the question?
Okay, so do you want the would you rather or the gross babe that you want to rate on a scale of one to ten?
You only get one.
Would you rather?
You get the.
Okay.
Would you rather?
Okay, cool.
Sounds good.
All right.
Would you rather, when your wife comes, she makes Indian Joker face, or when you come, you make Indian Joker face and your wife has to see it?
That's easy.
I would do her have to see Indian Joker face.
She also has to see Indian Body Face.
She already has to see all this other gross shit, like my bag and all that stuff.
So yeah, I would go with her seeing stuff.
She closes her eyes.
You know, men are not attractive.
So if there's anything that, if there's any kind of would you rather that involves a woman, here, show me those drawings?
Because this is not coming along very well.
Oh, I muted him.
He's hang up on him.
Okay.
Bye, sir.
Like, these are little too.
I'm trying to see what you could do here with just.
Oh, here we go.
Well, that's...
Most of these are, like, insulting, you know?
Yeah.
They're not the most flattering features.
It's like his nose is hard to draw.
Yeah, this one gets it pretty good.
Let me see this.
I'll see what I can do.
I was drawing on the week.
If you could check my parlor, not you, Ryan, but other people, you can see that I'm pretty good at drawing.
But, you know, these are like 10 o'clock at night after some drinks, and they tend to be pretty shitty.
But let's take another call.
I'll go get some tennis.
Okay.
You're on the line, Kev.
Hello, Bundy.
Hello.
What's going on, Bundy?
Hey, Rye Guy, my wife met you at the Stop the Steel march.
Oh.
Oh, I think I remember.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
And she was like, my husband loves you.
I think I remember that.
Yeah, yeah.
She found you with her Gator in the crowd.
Oh, you know what?
Hang up on this clown.
Even though I can do it.
Anyways, we were just watching HBO, and with the movie ratings, you know, in the top left, where they say there's like nudity and stuff, they're now saying if the movies have blackface.
What?
It's a movie that's blackface?
Yeah, like they're warning that there's violence, nudity, foul language, and blackface.
It contains blackface.
Is there an example for?
I don't remember what fucking movie it was, but shit.
You know what this is called?
Black fragility.
Everything they accuse whites of, blacks seem guilty of.
That's and not that blacks have said, hey man, can you put a warning on movies?
It's like whites are doing this for other whites.
I don't think blacks are invited to this ridiculous plan.
What a mess.
I would never want it if I was if they warned for whiteface.
Like, oh, darn.
If they all have it.
Amazon has it too.
Content warning from Amazon.
All right.
Thanks for calling, dude.
Have a go.
Yeah, they have a blackface warning.
Because of Justin Trudeau's picture.
That was the blackface.
That's funny.
Really?
Yep.
That was pretty cool.
Imagine being such a pussy that you found.
And like, the reason I protest Justin Trudeau's shit is because I want him to suffer the same fate that he gave for everyone else.
But imagine authentically being super freaked out and scared of that picture.
What the fuck?
Madmen won't remove scene showing actor in Blackface.
All TV shows removed from Netflix, HBO Max, and other platforms over Blackface.
The Office edits out the Blackface scene.
Community pulls entire episode.
We have...
How about Sarah Silverman apologizing for her Blackface when it was a very politically correct episode?
What about the full Hitler regalia?
No apology for that.
Rosie O'Donnell had to.
Or Roseanne.
Whitfield is on the line.
Quit.
Hello, buddy.
What is going on, y'all?
Tea Talk?
Talk to Hay.
I'm proud of your brown funnel noodle, buddy.
Oh, the brown funnel noodles.
That's a long time ago, pal.
Hey, thanks for having me on.
And also, thanks for showing our Apostles' Creed yard sign a couple weeks ago.
We really appreciate it.
You're welcome, though.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I have one question for you.
I have one question for you, buddy.
What is it, Yard?
When were you baptized?
When were you baptized?
I was baptized in the Soho at a church.
What the fuck is it called?
It's by the West Force Stop in Manhattan.
It's got a really apocalyptic sound to it.
But probably 2008 or so, dude.
No, wait a minute.
2007 in Manhattan at that church that's in the West Village, my friend.
Why, are you dubious of my Catholicism?
Not at all, buddy.
I just didn't know if you were baptized as a baby or not.
Oh, no, I only discovered religion after my daughter was born in 2006.
So I was an atheist my whole life, as is my daddy and my mommy.
They are still atheists.
They're actually very angry that I take the kids to church and they call it, my dad calls it child abuse.
Yeah.
I'm a convert as well.
I actually met you once at your old show.
You have that cartoonist who was jailed for obscenity.
I don't remember his name.
Mike Diana.
But I came to that show.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
What's his name?
Mike Diana.
I think I might remember you.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was there.
My wife came and she actually surprised me with a ticket to your show.
You were visiting from like Indiana or something, far away?
Say that again.
You were visiting from Indiana or something.
You were visiting from far away?
We're from Nashville, Nashville, Tennessee.
Yeah, same place.
Yeah.
Same place.
Thank you, buddy.
Okay, buddy.
Have a good one.
Keep on rocking in the free world, dude.
Oh, shit.
I can't sell this.
No one wants this.
Or Quay.
It doesn't look like Donald Trump.
Let's get some more paper.
Maybe it's a Donald Trump impersonator.
McAdoo.
Hello, McAdoo.
Ryan, for like the third time, man, it's MAGA Jew.
Oh, MAGA Jew.
Sorry, buddy.
That makes a lot more sense than MAGA DOO, dude.
That's okay.
I have 40 games.
So I have one thing and then a soundbite suggestion.
Is that okay or you can just do one thing?
Just one.
One.
Gotcha.
All right.
So it's a bit of an old story, but the guys at Deutsche Bank, or you know, Deutsche Bank, basically had a panel to suggest a 5% tax on people working from home because they're saving more money, which is like really gay.
And that's why Germany sucks and why America is awesome.
Yep, too true.
That's why you called?
Yeah, and also look at Sopranos.
No, too late.
Thanks for calling.
Yeah, how about Italy, too, where they go, you need to hire handicapped people.
So they go, okay, what percentage?
Forget the number.
It's nuts, though.
It's like 8%, 8 to 10% handicapped.
But that's not the population.
So what they did was they started going, okay, well, I need employees, and there's not that many people in wheelchairs here in Reggio di Calabria.
So they started changing the definition of handicapped.
And soon it meant like left-handed people.
I'm not kidding.
You know, people with allergies.
They had to expand the definition of handicapped in order to get their numbers up.
This is what happens with affirmative action.
When you go against God and you say, I'm going to play God and I'm going to decide what justice is and ignore meritocracy, you end up with this fucking ridiculous scenario where you have to call left-handed people handicapped.
I think both of my sons are left-handed, by the way.
Is it Church of Our Lady Guadalupe?
Nope.
Oh, you're at the West Force stop?
Yeah, I don't see it.
Zoom in.
Let me see.
These are all the woods around here.
West Forth.
Soho House.
It's south of the Church of the Episode.
Go down, down, down.
Soho House is north.
I mean the subway stop West Forth.
No, no.
Go down.
Zoom in.
Spring Street Park, yep.
What is it?
Move over there.
Spring Street, Canal Street, stop.
It's north of Canal.
North of Canal.
Okay.
Spring Street.
If you want to go north of Spring Street, stop.
Okay.
I'm going to click search this area.
Oh, wait, we got...
Church of Pompeii.
That's it.
That's it.
Okay, that's where I was baptized.
Our Lady of Pompeii.
Yeah.
I guess I said apocalyptic because I'm thinking of the explosion with the ash people.
By the way, what the fuck was with that?
So there's a volcano.
Why is everyone frozen in ash?
Wouldn't they just be burnt to smithereens?
Wait, weird.
I never really understood that, like, those people.
There's one of them he's beating off.
Oh, yeah.
And he's frozen in ash, going.
Making.
And you're like, what were you covered with?
Hot freeze powder?
Any Joker face freeze powder?
Yeah, like those guys.
You just showed them.
Pompey.
Wait, go back.
Go back.
Go back.
People.
No, you showed them.
It was a slim pick and slow.
I don't get the physics of this.
What happened here?
So the lava went through so fast that everyone just...
Or maybe...
Or maybe it was a smoke and they died and then the ash sort of froze them later.
That looks like...
So he's dying of smoke inhalation?
That kind of looks fake, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does.
Like the face, like, that's what your face looks like.
Let's try to ask the computer.
She's going to fuck this up by 100% guarantee.
Computer!
Who are the people of Pompeii?
According to Wikipedia, Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus, known by the anglicization Pompey the Great, was a leading Roman general and statesman whose career was significant in Rome's transformation from a republic to empire.
He was for a time a political ally and later enemy of Julius Caesar.
Fuck you.
An elegant mansion.
Hundreds of others mingle in the market square or head to the giant arena.
And meanwhile, the many slaves of the town clean floors, work in factories, or massage men in a local wolf den.
Then, suddenly a deafening crack is heard, followed by great plumes of ash blackening the sky.
Those people in the streets see daytime turn to night.
People soon scream in the darkness as buildings collapse around them.
Noxious gases and superheated rocks will envelop them all.
That's what happened the day the Roman city of Pompeii was swallowed, when something like 12 to 20,000 folks were stopped in their tracks, consumed by nature's whim.
How we know this scene did something close to that is because many, many years later, archaeologists managed to put the pieces back together.
But before we can get to what they discovered, let's have a closer look at Pompeii in ancient times.
The city here today.
Why are you showing me like they're famous?
Although these thieves did have to dig through some ash to find their bounty, those since we're surrounded by the swimming pool and the 25 water fountains, I am not sure if it's a good idea.
You just get to the fucking juice place.
And what some people might have done for business.
As for those bodies, you can see people crouching down and looking like they're praying.
Others are mid-crawl.
Some are huddled together.
We should say that these whole-looking bodies are casts that were made from impressions of bodies in the ash.
The skeletons were surrounded by voids of ash, and so plaster of Paris was poured into the voids.
They represent how the body would have looked, but aren't actually the body.
The stone people are creations or representations.
Most would have been killed by those searches we talked about for a moment on ash.
You ripped me off.
A nickel for this?
Curtis.
Did we just have Curtis online?
Hey guys, how's it going?
How's it going?
Good, man.
So, just going about, you brought up Azalea Bax yesterday.
I'm a fairly big fan of her music, but holy shit, she seems fucking crazy.
I was just curious how it came to be that you guys had drinks together.
Like, she's in a shit like Bruce Maria, and there's videos online of her slaughtering chickens for sacrifice and stuff.
So, I was just curious how that came to happen.
Yeah, she's friends with Milo.
And I think Jack, you know, I remember one little piece of gossip at our lunch.
I think Jack Twitter had called her and said, I want to take you out for lunch.
And she was like, okay, you seem rich.
And they went out for lunch.
And then I think she realized he's a fag and wasn't interested in sex with her.
And I think she was bummed because she wanted to fucking get reamed.
She's kind of a cool chick, actually.
She's really raunchy and funny and cool to hang out with.
I just wish that her and Milo's husband didn't get off on a tangent about fucking astrology.
Is it true that Gavin puked in David Bowley's sink?
I remember him saying that passively once.
Gavin?
Yeah, I remember in a while.
I was just talking from years ago.
He just kind of passively mentioned David Bowie's sync.
You're talking to Gavin.
You're talking to Gavin.
Oh shit, Milo.
Milo, sorry.
Yeah, I would take everything Milo says with a fucking oil tank container of salt.
But yeah, he says he puked in David Bowie's sink.
He says that he says he used to have fake, like Louis Vuitton, whatever, until David Bowie told him to never do that.
I don't know.
I don't believe it.
But yeah, that's what he says.
He hang out with David Bowie.
That's exclusive.
That's pretty big.
You sound like Nardwar.
All right, thanks for calling, buddy.
I like you more than a friend.
Doot, doodly, doot, doot.
Doodly doot, doot.
Doot, doodle, doot, doot, doot, doot.
I knew Nardwar quite well.
I felt like we were friends.
Yes, you know I gotta scrape all this shit up.
My God.
I got my sandblaster, my goggles.
It's about to go down.
What's Bruheria?
Some witch shit.
Oh, it's probably wax?
She's weird.
It looks like chicken feathers and shit.
Yeah, maybe wax and chicken feathers.
You know what?
You know what Azealia Banks is?
Not boring.
Right, yeah.
That's all I ask.
We have Resistance in Indiana.
Oh, hello, buddy buddy.
What is going on, off-duty buddy?
What are you doing?
I am an on-duty buddy for sure, okay?
Okay, let's do it, man.
Let's get going and all of the times and all stuff.
Yes, buddy.
You're saying there's only a few businesses, like, I don't know, you're talking about New York that have, that are, like, resisting lockdowns.
Yeah.
But I'm in Indiana, and if you look up, Ryan, look up Yergi's State Road BBQ in Bluffton, Indiana.
Y-E-R-G-Y plus DS.
Yergi's State Road Barbecue.
It's a little, little barbecue shop.
They're really good.
Gotcha.
And the owner is Matt Yergler.
He's a righteous, godly man, okay, buddy?
Okay, buddy.
I mean, you can look up like on, I mean, you can't look on Facebook because they hate you, but they got fined by the county board.
I think the county was claiming that the governor had the authority to shut them down and like they were violing mask mandates because they wouldn't require it.
And so they refused it.
They were shut down.
And so now they've got a ton of support behind them.
They made signs that said, say yes to barbecue, say no to tyranny.
That's awesome.
All kinds of good fun.
Are you in Indiana?
But yes.
What's it like there?
I don't know anything about Indiana besides maybe David Leonard.
Okay, so what's that guy from Barstool?
I forget his name.
Is it KFC?
The main guy, the Jew?
Is that his name?
Oh, Dave Portnoy.
Dave Portnoy?
Yeah, he got some corn shipped to him from Markle, Indiana, which is not far from Bluffton, and he loved it.
He said, this corn fucked.
That's a quote.
So I asked you about your state, the history of the state, what the culture is like there, and your takeaway is that the guy from Barstow got a corn shipment?
Well, yeah, my point is corn.
That's it?
Well, yeah, I mean, that's the majority of it.
What was it like growing up there?
Did you get laid okay?
Like, were there bands?
I got laid okay.
What's an Indiana band?
No, you got your county girls, you got your city girls, but, you know, girls are girls.
Pounding and pounding and heading out.
What's a big Indiana band?
Big Indiana band?
Yeah.
Speedwagon.
Oh.
REO Speedwagon?
Yeah, they're Indiana-born, corn-fed, just like me.
Okay.
Can you discuss your state without mentioning corn?
It's possible, but come on, man.
But it's not likely.
Not likely.
All right, man.
Thanks for coming.
People don't like it, but it's a good place.
It really is.
Oh, I'm on the Facebook.
It looks like I have access to the videos.
What video would it be?
Oh, I don't know.
I didn't do my research before, but I'm telling you, they're trying to take this suit against the county to the Indiana Supreme Court.
And we're really hoping to get there.
The county rejected their claim that the governor doesn't have the authority.
They have a constitutional lawyer on their side.
And he says the governor doesn't have the authority to tell you to shut down.
And the county said, no, fuck off.
They do have the authority.
So they're suing it.
It's funny how it's always barbecue, huh?
All right.
Thanks for calling, dude.
We'll look it up.
So that's what?
Four now.
Throw me a tissue.
Ooh, okay.
I made a boo-boo.
It'd be hard to throw it, so I just handed it.
So there's the New Jersey gym.
There's the Canadian barbecue guy in Etobicoke.
That's two.
There's our Staten Island Boys in Max Public House.
That's three.
And then we have the New Jersey Gym, New Jersey Gym, Canadian Barbecue, Staten Island, and now this student, Indiana, that's four.
Yerges owner, Matt Yergler, accuses the Department of targeting the restaurant to make an example out of it.
We reached out to the county health department after hours were waiting for a response on if refusal to comply with that mask requirement was indeed the reason for shutting your company.
What if like our neighbors in this building realize that this is the place where they do the Gavin McKinnis show?
Get off my lawn and they start sabotaging it.
Oh, I see.
Just start knocking shit around.
All right, next call.
I want to learn about Indiana.
Yorgi State Barbecue.
A way that you can support with these people, buddy, is that remember at MAX, people are ordering shirts.
They can't get food because it's perishable and they can't ship it, right?
So they'll order their merch.
So that way it's kind of a donation.
Or if they don't have a GoFundMe or something like that.
Right.
So that's a thing you could do.
Oh, by the way, the guy who got knocked out in DC, I think he has a GoFundMe coming.
Oh, nice.
Joe.
We'll call him Joe.
GP.
What?
Ryan there?
Yes, sir.
Hello?
Rye there?
Yes.
Hey, hey.
So I was watching Wolf of Wall Street this weekend, and that piece of shit, Rob Reiner, his character, is like this guy who's super high-strung, but then as soon as he answers the phone,
he's all like calm and English-accent-y fucker, right?
Yeah.
He sounds very Canadian, sir.
Gav's dad the same way because the way Gav impersonates him is this high-strung Scotsman, but when you talk to him, he sounds like a calm guy.
Yeah, I get that a lot with my dad.
And every time that comes up, I say to the person, why don't you go cross him?
Why don't you go play trivial pursuit with him and get the wrong answer twice in a row if he's on your team and see this sweet old man turn to fucking human fire and say, who is this man?
I do not want him on my team.
He knows nothing.
It gets disturbing.
How does he turn it on and off so easily?
Well, my brother and I have become absolute fucking ninjas at making him mad.
One thing you do is you tell him that you really care about celebrities and what they think.
And after Lady Dye died, I told him that Elton John did a beautiful song for Lady Dye called A Candle in the Wind.
And it was just absolutely heartbreaking.
And he goes, that song was written for Marilyn Monroe.
He's a fucking fraud.
And boy, was he mad.
And then when they get mad, you have to keep going with the bit.
You have to commit to the bit and go, no, I don't think that's true.
This was about Lady Dye.
And it was just a beautiful testament to her, their friendship, and how much he cares about her.
You can really fucking make them mad.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
We're going to watch that now.
Toodaloo.
Toodaloo, motherfucker.
This is what he was talking about, by the way.
Oh, please tell me something I don't know.
I wait all week for the fucking equalizer and I have to fucking...
Hello.
But as soon as he picked up the phone, Gene, how are you, Jane?
Hello, everyone.
That's Scottish people.
I bet that's...
No Jews are like that.
Rob Reiner's a Jew playing a Scotsman in that particular song.
They whispered into your air that said you are the treadmill.
Imagine being really into Elton John.
Yeah, it never stuck for me.
Like you were just like, shh, Elton John's on.
Seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind.
I'm not going to deny he's a talented penis.
Right.
But the idea of actually liking that just boggles the mind.
Even Billy Joel, I mean, yeah, you got some hits there.
Fuck.
Have fun with them.
I mean, Anthony's song is a slammer.
What?
Anthony's song?
What's that?
That's a fucking damn dude.
Yeah, no one listens to your taste of music, Ryan.
The Stranger was a great album.
The Stranger was a great album.
That's very popular at the Kumia karaoke.
The Billy Joel.
Oh, so now I like it because Anthony Kumia likes it.
No, that's what I'm saying.
I will say I don't like the album cover that his little foot with his long toenails are like...
Oh, he's barefoot?
Yeah.
If you look at the album, I got the record.
His prominent toenails are like all pointy and jagged and shit.
Such a Jew thing.
We have Loblaws on the line.
Loblaws?
Hello, buddy.
What's going on, buddy?
I am to tell you that why your poop is brown is because your dead blood cells go out with it, you know.
Oh, is that really a true thing?
Yes, buddy.
We see it in the streets all the time.
It's the brown poop.
But wait a minute.
It is your dead blood cells.
But dandruff is dead blood cells, isn't it?
No, that's skin cells.
Dandruff, I think it's just dead skin.
I don't know.
Oh, I see.
So you have blood cells that get because isn't it just a mix of all the different food?
I mean, if you mixed a thousand colors, they would come out shit brown.
Well, I think maybe if you...
I don't know.
Wait, you don't sound very confident in this.
That's genius on poop.
Well, you called as a poop genius.
I had to call the corn guy.
And now you're backing out.
I bet the corn guy would have a lot to say about this.
Yeah, well, I mean, I just had heard that about poop.
I know no one had ever answered that for you, so I thought I would tell you, buddy.
Okay, buddy, thanks for calling, but I don't think that you have the wherewithal to back it up.
So, you know, we have to be dubious.
We have to be dubious of various things.
Here's what a cop sent me today, by the way.
Speaking of dubiosity, we're getting a lot of information here, okay?
So let's talk to this guy.
And he says, and I quote, big guy, big guy is Biden.
Ready?
Big guy approached Mitch McConnell and asked Mitch to promise him a deal will be made and kept big guy and kept.
Big guy doesn't trust Trump.
McConnell agreed and facilitated the negotiations.
What?
I'll just say Biden from now on.
Biden is singing like a bird as far as the election.
It's all over, but the confession slash concession.
Biden wants a pardon for himself and his family has turned on China.
There's no dog ankle injury.
Biden is wearing that boot because he's covering the ankle bracelet.
The Iranian scientist that was assassinated is actually alive and well.
He defected with his family.
He's also singing like a bird.
Obama is being implicated in some major, major crimes, along with Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Justice John Roberts, John Podesta, and many, many more.
Anyone remember that $1.5 billion in cash?
Yeah, it wasn't what you think it was.
Five U.S. Army Patriots lost their lives retrieving the Dominion servers in Frankfurt, Germany.
They were successful, but paid the ultimate price.
The CIA attempted to stop our soldiers.
They failed.
The servers are and have been for two weeks in the hands of Sidney Powell and Donald J. Trump.
Biden has seen this server data.
The mainstream media reported these soldiers' deaths as a helicopter crash in Egypt.
This was untrue.
There was a CIA agent also killed in the firefight.
His death has been reported by the media as occurring in Somalia.
This is also untrue.
The reason I laughed is because I thought how funny it would be on this live stream is if I was reciting this theory, I got shot in the head.
And you saw me go, so apparently they're dead in spite of it.
It's quiet.
Yeah, no, it's quiet.
That would suck.
That's the reason I think those kind of things do well, like that thing I just read you, is because as I'm reading it, I want it to be true as bad as you.
And I'm just like, yeah, please be true.
Please let Biden be wearing a fucking ankle bracelet.
But we know he's not.
That's ridiculous.
Just goofy, buddy.
That's so goofy, buddy.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
You know the thing.
Auto screen failed.
267.
Wrong alarm.
What's up, buddy?
What's going on?
You're on the air, my dude.
How are you doing today, my friend?
Oh, my gosh.
I got all manner of things encroaching on me.
Not unlike the Rastafari in Babylon.
Okay, well, I have one question for you, Gavin.
Okay, buddy.
All right, Gavin.
So I banged this 9.1 a few weeks back.
And this question's for Gavin, not for Ryan, because we know he doesn't get laid.
Hey.
But anyways, I woke up with scars and scratches all over my back, like I got mauled from the bear from the Revenant.
I was wondering if Gavin had any similar experiences.
Buddy, I've been there a million times, my friend.
You need to get a ring on that as soon as poss.
You have bagged the ultimate fucking prize, and you need to recognize that and not chicken out.
You know, a lot of guys, they say, oh, I had to get rid of her.
She was nuts.
What they really mean is she was a fucking catch and I didn't have the balls to continue to pursue it.
So, dude, just marry her right now.
All right.
Sounds good.
Thank you, Gavin.
Yeah, you got a catch there.
All right.
That's great.
Just clawing him, scratching him.
What a number one he's got going on, my friend.
We have Chris on the line.
Chris Bis.
Chris.
Hey, baby.
Oh, hi, Chris.
How are you?
Fine, how are you doing?
Good.
I'm getting very flirtatious vibes from you.
I have a question for you, okay?
Are you ready?
Are you married?
Is that the question?
I am not married.
Anyway, if you were to be a fag for one day, are you ready?
A fag?
Do you watch Peaky Blinders?
You're a Peaky Blinders guy, right?
Yep.
Okay.
So if you had to fag yourself out for one day, would you fuck Tom Hardy or Killian Murphy?
Um, wait, I'm gonna have to pull up Killian Murphy.
There's one of the guys who looks exactly like me.
Um, I'm glad you didn't bring up the main guy, because I hate that guy.
He's such a fucking hunk.
And it's like you're watching a show about murderers.
Don't show me some hunk male model from, you know, Ford modeling agency.
He actually pulls me out of it, and I think he kind of ruined Peaky Blinders for me.
You know the guy who was the mask in Batman?
Yeah, that's a scarecrow.
Scarecrow.
Mask.
But hold on.
So Thomas Hardy, I know.
Tom Hardy, I know.
Who's the other guy?
Well, it was Tom Hardy or Killian Murphy.
So you got to pick one.
Killian Murphy.
And we are talking about Peaky Blinders.
You know, Tom Hardy.
Killian is the thing.
Tom Hardy's a midget, you realize.
I know, I know, I know.
And that's got to come up.
You know, one time I was watching, I think it was The Revenant with my wife, and I fucked her that night, and she was so wet that she goes, oh, I think I might be on my period.
And she wasn't.
And I realized later she was period wet because she'd been looking at Tom Hardy all night at the movie theater.
And in that movie, he's been scalped.
He has half a head.
So Tom Hardy...
I know he's pretty hot.
Tom Hardy, as a midget with half a head, is more attractive to my wife than fucking a hunk like me.
Sorry, this is acting weird.
What's his name again, the other guy?
The scarecrow from Batman.
No, not him.
Oh, that's Killian Murphy?
Oh, that's easy.
Killian Murphy looks like a weird chick.
And I know it's weird that I'm saying I'd rather fuck a dude, but I don't know.
I feel like it's hard to explain.
Like, you'd think I'd want to fuck the most feminine man available.
But I don't know.
Go gay or go home.
Yeah, once we're getting gay, we want to get real gay.
Thanks for calling.
Yeah, I kind of contradicted myself there.
And maybe I learned something about myself.
Because would you rather fuck an effeminate man?
Like, say you're going to be gay, or you have to fuck a man, your whole family's going to die, right?
Would you rather he was like a tough guy?
Like a bear, a tough buddy, or like a super.
Obviously, if it's like Blair White or Bailey J or a trans, you'd go with that because you're like, at least it's close.
But within the normal realm of normal men, and I'm asking you this, Ryan.
Sure.
Would you rather...
Well, like, why don't you do the Tom Hardy other guy thing?
Because I'm starting to feel gay and I'm getting embarrassed.
Well, I remember, I don't remember why, but there was a dissection of Tom Hardy.
Was that on the show?
And we looked through him and we looked at interviews.
He's like scrawny.
He doesn't have a great body.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
We're talking about you fucking a dude.
So now you have all these criteria about like you have to have a good body for me to fuck you.
Tom Hardy.
If I had to pick, don't I have to pick between these guys?
Yeah, but now you're getting super gay.
Oh.
Where you're like, they have to be in great shape.
No, I'm just ruling it out.
It's too scrawny for me.
I don't want to fuck them.
Sorry, too scrawny.
No, I'm asking, like, think of effeminate men.
Like, David Beckham is an effeminate man.
Tony Soprano, what's his name?
James Gandalfini.
James Gandalfini is a very difficult situation.
Steve Coogan is my man.
Okay, we're not talking about that.
Jesus.
What the hell?
I'm trying to think you're gay, though.
That's my guy.
You flourish when this subject comes up.
This is the first thing you're asking me.
So let me just rephrase everything.
Would you rather be fucked by James Gandalfini or David Beckham?
I would think David Beckham because there would be less smell.
I feel like I love James.
So your problem with having sex with men is smell.
No, but that's got to be a lot of it.
I mean, I know, you know, we'd be sweating, right, guys?
Oh, this is so weird.
I feel like it'll be more of a high-tech.
I'm just hoping your terrible answers are because you're retarded and not because you're gay.
I mean, is there a difference?
You're actually answering these like an Amish virgin.
Aren't gays just like sex retards?
You're a retard retard.
Okay, let's do the next call.
Frick.
Stream lost connection.
Now I think it's coming back up.
You know, we might fare well with a restart because I've lost the ability to show anything on my screen.
Okay, let's reboot.
I think we have to do a reboot, buddy.
Is this all still recording?
Oh, yeah.
But people at home are seeing nothing.
No, and while we restart, we'll be able to.
Yes, he does.
I've never denied that.
I think we're back.
Hold on, wait.
Oh, it's initializing.
So it'll take an initial second, buddy.
Yeah, I'm not online.
What the fudge, buddy?
I think we are streaming now, buddy.
Do you think we're streaming?
Because I'm going nowhere, pal.
I'm putting up Derny dance lyrics.
I'm getting fucked all, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, should I probably log off?
Do you think my internet is fucking shit up?
That'd be maybe...
Turn my Wi-Fi.
I mean, I think we stream it right now.
Well, there's one way to check.
I can't get connection to the fucking...
I can't show my screen.
What the hell?
Live show went down.
I'm getting messages from people.
All sorts of people.
Don't worry.
When we move to a new studio, which is momentarily, couldn't be more than a couple months, we will have all of this worked out.
Let me just go to my own app and see if my own face is on there.
No live streams available.
We're not live right now.
What the frip?
Well, we're recording.
So I don't know what that means.
We're twenty minutes short of a show here.
Alright, let's just.
It's not working, dude.
This one I'm pretty happy with.
I kind of copied it off a Google image cartoon of Trump.
This I did not copy.
I don't know what it is or what it means.
It kind of sucks.
I hope it gets at least $100.
We will begin selling the show notes on the site.
But I guess it's time to wrap it up.
Yes.
No internet connection.
What the fuck?
You have no internet connection.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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