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Nov. 26, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:09:44
S03E44 - HOW TO SURVIVE THANKSGIVING [2020-11-26 - S03E44 - HOW TO SURVIVE THANKSGIVING]
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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
Hello everyone, welcome to an extra special episode of Get Off My Lawn.
This is our Thanksgiving special.
I've decided to follow Cuomo's rules and stay away from my family.
I saw Cuomo said that he's not going to visit his sister because she's from out of state and it would be a great gesture of love for him not to see her on that day to keep her safe.
He's okay with his 89-year-old grandmother.
That's because he likes to kill old people, apparently.
He is really good at it.
In fact, I think he won the Emmy in killing old people.
Something just fell out of my pocket.
The hell is that?
Looks like some sort of drug thing.
Or like in World War II where they'd stick something in with morphine with a pen.
So yeah, it probably won't be a very long show.
We're just going to talk about family and Thanksgiving and the arguments you're inevitably going to get in.
But today's book is Shackleton's Way.
I just bought this, just skimming through it before we started recording.
My old man told me to get it.
Leadership Lessons from the Great Antarctic Explorer.
And he was a sailor, a captain, sea captain.
His boat was stuck in the Antarctic for two years, but he kept his crew alive, saved the lives of 27 men stranded with him in the Antarctic.
So it's written mostly by these two women who are like finance people, and they've noticed that his rules are great for business, great for making money.
So in the book, they have his diary and the diary of the sailors on board, and you learn a lot about him.
And then these two women have done a great job of putting it all together.
But I thought this was an interesting example of what makes him a special guy.
And I asked my dad, by the way, I go, you were a bleeder, a manager of a lot of projects.
That was your job, project manager.
What was your secret?
And he goes, intimidation.
I'll just intimidate people and they'd be too scared to fuck up around me because it was too painful to deal with.
Okay.
This was not a Shackleton's method.
I don't know why he told me to get this book.
Even while he was training all the men to do all the ship's work, the boss was observing, that's what they call him in the book.
The boss was observing everyone's personality.
He wanted to put each person in a long-term job he enjoyed and for which he was best suited.
He watched as each took care of the dogs on a rotating basis, then selected dog team leaders.
Shackleton figured the best work came from those with a particular interest in the job, and the dogs benefited from the dedicated care of one owner.
As another example, Ord Leese.
Oh shit, that light's out.
Because I thought it had a buzz.
I'm going to put it back on again.
Ord Leese was hired as a motor expert.
He was a pack rat.
Sorry, Ord Lees, hired as a motor expert, was a pack rat and obsessed about the possibility of running short of supplies.
The crew members knew that if anything was missing on the ship, it would likely be Ordley's pillow or bed.
So Shackleton made this hoarder the storekeeper.
To some, it seemed like putting the fox in charge of the henhouse, but Shackleton knew this job would allay Ordley's anxieties and prevent the possibility of having to deal with other problems down the road.
Ordley's was delighted and said, it is awfully fortunate for me that Sir Ernest, Sir Ernest Shackleton, should have put me on to this work, which is so especially congenial to me.
And that's why I chose Ryan.
He wasn't as experienced or talented as, say, that shithead Ben Ratner, who started the Proud Boys just out of his sheer shittiness, but I knew he was determined.
He learned all the stuff in the studio by being an intern.
So that's who you want on your team.
Not someone who took it in school or who's doing it because it makes money.
You want the guy who's obsessed with that kind of stuff.
And tomorrow we'll be announcing a new show where you can see the intro and you'll be very impressed with his handiwork.
But because we're having Thanksgiving alone, we just ate at McDonald's and I want to talk to you about what's happening with your family on Thanksgiving because I believe family is paramount.
It is the most important thing in your life.
And we're all pretty good with our parents, aren't we?
We're not great with our in-laws and we're not great with our siblings, I've noticed, through the Trump era.
And I actually got a letter.
Maybe I'm going to read it first.
I was going to save this for the mailbag, but I got an interesting letter that I think would be a good way to start the show.
Here it is.
So Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
What does that sound like?
Sounds like aliens.
Something in the kitchen.
It stopped.
They landed.
Hey, Gabin McKenis and grand pooba of the queer clubhouse.
So basically, I just have a large anus.
That doesn't mean I'm gay.
But you are the grand pooba of the queer clubhouse, Ryan.
So you run it, you have lots of people over, you do tons of gay stuff.
Ever had a Coke and a beer before?
Okay, here we go.
This is sort of the theme of the show, which is why I'm starting the show with a letter.
Every time our family goes on vacation, there is always a problem with my sister.
She acts horrible from talking behind everyone's back to saying horrible mean things about my brother, mother, and other sister.
So he's got a brother and two sisters, this guy.
Two bros, two chicks.
What a perfect family.
She ruined this guy's spelling, by the way.
Dude, your spelling is embarrassing.
You spelled ruins wrong.
R-U-I-N-E-S?
That's not even what you call like ruins, right?
When they're, you know, like abandoned castle or something.
She ruins every family vacation or family get-together.
The family dynamic with my sister reminds me of the 1980s Twilight Zone movie scene, It's a Good Life, where everyone is nervous because a little shithead kid has mental powers and nobody wants to upset him because he will banish them to hell or remove their mouth.
Do you remember that one?
The sister's mean to him and he just goes, shh, and she has no mouth.
So the family's in perpetual fear of this shitty little kid.
Look it up.
When she shows up, the mood turns to shit.
My mom and dad are afraid if they say anything, she will not let them see their grandkids.
So they don't say a fucking word.
A little backstory.
This is so typical of what's happening.
Like when Obama was in power, there weren't these cunt publicans ruining everyone's vacation and dinner and Thanksgiving.
A little backstory.
We are a family of six with four kids.
We grew up in a small town, went to church.
My dad owned a small newspaper slash printing shop and was an entrepreneur.
My mom worked at a local daycare, then became the editor of the paper.
Very normal and great childhood.
It was fun as hell.
When my sister turned 18, she went to the University of Oregon.
The end.
You know, of the Antifa that attacked that journalist the night of my talk where Max and John got arrested.
One of them was called Finbar Sloanum.
And I believe his dad killed himself.
Maybe he was in financial trouble, Mr. Sloanem.
He used to interview people on the red carpet and stuff in New York high society, lived on the Upper West Side.
Maybe he got over his head in debt.
And obviously, it's crippling when a parent commits suicide, makes the child suicidal.
So instead of killing himself, he became a lady.
And he went to the University of Oregon, where he became a crazy lady.
And then he came back home and started attacking people.
Don't send your children, not just to the University of Oregon.
I don't know if you say Oregon or Oregon.
Don't just send your children there.
I mean, don't just avoid sending your children to school there.
Don't send your children there.
It is a shithole.
Portland's still going, by the way.
Seattle, Portland, still rioting.
Just like two nights ago, they were attacking trucks driving around the place and spray painting them, just with a line of spray paint.
They don't know what the guy in the truck believes, but he doesn't deserve a truck.
Anyway, she went to the University of Oregon, and that was 20 years ago.
She was there one year and started calling me an Anglo-white male.
What the fuck does that mean?
Anglo.
Like, how is that different from other white males in America?
And it just got worse from there.
Now she lives in LA with her UCLA professor husband, who I really like.
While on vacation this summer, I was having a conversation about guns with my other brother-in-law, and my sister came in and decided to start lecturing me about Trayvon Martin.
So you can imagine how that went.
The conversation soon escalated from the usual bullshit leftist garbage to Trump.
That's where you're going to end up today in Thanksgiving.
Within a few minutes, she finally had enough and said something she'd been wanting to say for many years.
She called me a racist, probably six times, then called my brother a racist.
Finally, she said, anyone who votes for Trump is a racist.
I looked around the room and started counting.
I know my mom, dad, and brother, all Trump supporters.
And that's when I replied, what about a black person who votes for Trump?
Stunned for a second, she replied, black people can't be racist.
And I said, how convenient.
Instead of me laughing in her face, I got fucking pissed.
See, this is where you blow it, dude.
When you're right, you have adrenaline control.
And when someone is apoplectic like this, freaking out and calling someone racist, they've already lost the argument.
So don't kick someone when they're down.
This person is flailing.
If you saw someone in a boxing room going, you just stand your ground, block it, and wait.
You've won.
They're freaking out.
They're hysterical.
And calling your mother race.
Well, I'll get to that in a second.
So you shouldn't have gotten pissed.
You should have just said, I don't understand.
So black people are voting against their own interests.
Are they stupid?
You could slowly pry away at that.
This is the key to my whole show today.
Play dumb.
Everything is a question.
Everything is interrogative.
Oh, really?
That's funny because I was sure I read a study that said blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And you'll point out exactly how they're wrong with this study.
You'll win.
You just beat your sister, but she's going to talk down to you and go, no, that's not true.
Now, if she's curious, you can look it up later.
You could email her the thing that you said later when she's back at home, calm down.
You could say, uh-uh, sorry, I'm just curious.
During Thanksgiving, you were talking about the wage gap.
And I was sure that I had read that young women make more than men.
It's after they have kids they end up making less than men.
And here's the article where I must have read it.
And then she can say, well, that article is bullshit.
Or she could slowly think and realize that she fucked up.
But that's safely away from mom.
You've defused that bomb in a desert where it's not going to hurt anyone.
So getting pissed and shooing her out is a mistake.
Now, what if your sibling starts insulting your mom?
Calling her a racist bitch, calling her stupid?
This is the woman who breastfed your sister, who bought her Ashkosh Bagosh overalls, who tucked her in every night.
This is the girl who crawled into her mom's bed when she had a nightmare and mom held her, told her everything was going to be okay.
This woman's a stupid bitch now?
So you're going, someone attacks your mother, it's like primordial.
You just want to start fucking stabbing them.
But you obviously can't do that.
So, what you have to do is say, Jen, come on.
I mean, we're going to sit here and let you insult mom all night.
Like, is that how this is going to work?
And you're calm, your mom's crying, and she might get up and leave, but you don't scream at her and force her to leave.
Just be like, Yeah, I. That's not, you know, that's not true.
Don't insult mom.
She made this beautiful dinner.
We're not, or as Trump would say.
Everybody knows what I'm saying is true.
Everyone knows what you're saying is true, especially in this family where they're all Trump supporters.
You'll notice, by the way, I lean with my tits.
This mic isn't working.
It's just a prop.
This is the mic.
That's why I'm reading this letter first, because I don't blame you for getting pissed.
Plenty of my friends have gotten pissed.
My family, personally, my family, my parents and my brother, we're all on the same page, so there's no problems with that.
But I have other relatives where it's an issue.
And yeah, when they start attacking my family or my parents or my wife, well, they never attack my wife because she's not a big Trump person, I want to flip the whole fucking Thanksgiving table over.
But that's not what men do.
Men smile and explain and even play dumb.
You know, ideally, she leaves Thanksgiving thinking she schooled your ass.
And then you can slowly show her that you were playing dumb.
Don't ever say I was playing dumb.
But you can slowly show her that all the things that you had as questions are hard facts.
And then even then, though, you're still kind of curious.
Like, oh, I'm sorry.
You know, you said that they're not sending any rapists from Mexico, but I looked at the stats here.
80% of the girls crossing the border get raped.
And here's Vincente Fox in 2000 explicitly saying we're sending criminals and rapists over the border because we don't have room in our prisons.
So I can see where my, can you see where my confusion came from?
Little, little droplets.
Nothing too major.
Anyway, this is him losing his temper.
I told her how out of line she was and on and on.
But this started a huge fight between us.
Lots of yelling, screaming, and her acting like a complete insane person to my brother also.
She was out of her mind yelling fuck and getting an inch away from my brother.
I've seen this before with Trump derangement syndrome in people's homes where they just, they start with a normal argument and then you bring up something on your phone saying that's not it and they just go fucking nuts.
Mental.
And I think it's because they know they're wrong and they haven't done their research and that makes them feel insecure and they're so used to being in the Facebook bubble.
And Tucker talks about suing Facebook and social media for separating us as people and providing these bubbles where we're never confronted with any data that contradicts our beliefs.
And it makes you totally unprepared.
It's so they've been in a boxing ring sparring with toddlers and then they get to a real professional fight and they get punched in the face and they freak the fuck out.
They've never heard that before.
They've never heard that Trump isn't racist or that he's not stupid or that all his businesses have not failed.
So they lose it when it happens to them because they're a fish out of water.
Getting an inch away from my brother, you should have seen the look on my 70-year-old mother's face.
The next day she wanted to talk to us, this is the sister, but did not apologize.
She said, your mother was an editor of a magazine, sir, and you are the worst writer I've ever seen.
You don't even know how to switch from person to person.
The way this reads, you say my mother's face, and then the next sentence is the next day she wanted to talk to us.
The reader assumes that she is the last woman we spoke to.
You should have said the next day my sister wanted to talk to us, but did not apologize.
She said we were complicit in Donald Trump's racism.
Okay, so this is going to come up a lot today.
And the best way to handle this, and I learned this from Jim Goad actually, when people say racist, say, what does that mean?
And they'll go, oh, well, he thinks lesser of people.
Okay.
So he thinks blacks in general are, what, less valuable?
Yeah.
What does valuable mean?
Like, they should get different rules?
You could give them, like in Islam, a woman's say is less valuable than a man's, so she needs twice as many witnesses if she saw a rape or she was raped.
That I understand.
That's a quantitative thing.
But in America, where we all have the same rights, what does less valuable mean?
And then she'll go on to police brutality, but you don't let her leave.
Tell me what that means.
Well, they judge someone based on their skin.
They don't want to know them.
And then my favorite analogy that I've used a million times is you're at a bar, the black guy sits down next to you, same teams, same complaints.
You have everything in common with him, and he likes the same subjects as you, and he wants to talk about boxing, and so do you.
Why would you deny yourself that interesting conversation?
Why?
You know, you often hear racist things in New York, but you'll meet the guy's wife the next day and she's black.
Or you'll meet his daughter that he's raising now and she's black and the ex-wife is black and that's why he was saying those things.
So true racism is noticing a pattern, embracing the negative patterns only, and then applying it to 100% of that group.
No one does that.
When we meet a person, it's a blank slate.
When he sits down next to us and he goes, you're wearing a Mets hat?
He's wearing a Mets hat and he goes, I'm excited about this season, man.
I think this is a whole reboot.
I know we say this every season, but I'm excited.
I would love to talk to that guy, obviously.
Why would I deny myself the pleasure of talking about my favorite baseball team?
Similarly, and I've used this analogy a million times, a guy comes in to work at a bank.
His resume looks great.
He's going to make the company tons of money.
And you're going to look cool for hiring him because he's made money for them too.
You as an HR person just made the company $10 million.
Now your job is more solid.
So why would you look up from that scenario that's staring at you in the face on your clipboard, See a black person and go, no, no.
You wouldn't.
The friend wouldn't deny himself that interesting friend, and the business wouldn't deny themselves this lucrative employee.
Oh, yeah, well, what about these resumes that get sent out, and black names don't get the same responses white names do?
Michelle Obama is not a black name or a white name.
It's a normal American name.
I shouldn't say Obama, whatever Michelle's maiden name is.
Michelle Jackson, we'll say.
That's a normal American name.
Shiniqua or Roshanta, that's not just a black name, that's a specific part of blackness that says, I don't want to be part of American culture.
I'm starting my own thing.
I got my own little pirate ship I built.
And those people tend not to assimilate well into a working group, as Shackleton probably would notice if he was having everyone try out various jobs.
So it's a lie that those people were racist because they saw the names.
If they saw Michelle Jackson, they go, oh, good.
She had a normal life.
Her dad.
And by the way, Michelle Obama had a wonderful life because her dad stuck around.
Huge, huge detail today on Thanksgiving.
Her dad stuck around, cared for her, loved her, and raised a family despite being a complete fucking gimp who could barely walk.
So yeah.
Just calmly asked for examples of Donald Trump's racism.
And all this complicit shit doesn't work.
Oh, how ironic.
My dad's calling.
Hello?
Hi, honey.
Stag.
Hey, Dad, I called you back after I was done the show, but you were at the pub dealing with your alcoholism.
So, Jim, we're going to ask you.
Wait, hold on a sec.
Hold on a sec.
Again, I'm recording a show because we're recording the Thanksgiving show.
So we're live now, so don't say anything about my micro penis or my criminal past with bestiality.
Okay.
But can I talk or no?
Well, it's being recorded, so make sure you're ready for the whole world to hear whatever you have to say.
Well, I watched Rudy Giuliani there giving a testimony to the Pennsylvania state legislator, and he's got overpowering evidence of fraud in the election.
And when was this presented?
When was this presented?
I think it was today.
I'm not sure.
But it's certainly very recently.
The evidence is absolutely overwhelming.
Well, here's the issue, though.
If Biden won by 20,000 and we find cheating of 10,000, no judge is going to want to set up...
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not talking 10,000.
We're talking 600,000.
Wow.
There was about something of the order of 600,000 more mail-in ballots counted than were actually sent out.
And that's just Pennsylvania?
Well, I haven't had the evidence from several other states, but his lawyer maintains that's the same thing happening in at least another five states.
And they always seem to be swing states.
Yes, and they're all going to Biden.
There was something, so they did a count of all these questionable ballots.
And something like, I don't know if it was, I probably got the number wrong, but you'll get the message.
There was something like 400 or 500,000 to Biden and 3,000 to Trump.
Holy shit.
Which...
So that is.
There's obviously something very, very crooked about that.
Okay, I just get nervous sometimes when evidence sounds circumstantial.
Like they say, the odds of this happening are one in a million.
That's not...
I mean, when you get DNA evidence, they say the odds are 99,99 out of a million.
Yes.
So I hope...
But, you know, but you can't.
Obviously, the number of counted mail-in ballots being significantly larger than the number of mail-in ballots actually sent out is obviously fraud there.
Right.
So that's what we need.
It's total incompetence.
Yeah.
They're counting the same ballots time and time again.
Yeah, that's hard evidence.
So with a bunch of solid pieces like that, what would the judges do?
Say these states have to do a recount?
He actually came up with a very, very sensible response to one of the judges.
The one judge said, well, you can't rule out these mail-in ballots because you're disenfranchising the people who sent them in.
But Giuliani's point was, no, if you can't fraudulent ballots, you're disenfranchising the people who sent in honest ballots.
Yeah, yeah, you've totally trivialized the whole process.
Yes.
So I think to me, I don't know if they'll ever come to this conclusion, but to me, the only thing they can do is ignore all ballots that haven't been validated.
And do you think that could win the election for Trump?
Oh, 100%.
Well, that's great news.
Okay, let me call you back when I'm done recording the show.
Okay, Donna.
My dad's dad didn't love him and beat up my dad's siblings.
My dad didn't get beat because he always had straight A's.
But he doesn't understand affection.
Like, he loves me very much.
He was hugged me and kissed me my whole life.
But he's the first McInnis to ever do that.
So he'll say things like, my wee angel and my darling and peto.
And I'm like, dad, those are not dad-to-son names.
It's like kid and buddy.
Or he'll, sometimes he'd look at me and just go, you're gorgeous.
Like, dad, don't tell your son.
Please don't do that in public.
One time he blew a kiss at the young man giving us our beer when we were on a road trip.
Because what my dad does when he's totally zoned out, and you're looking at him going, what are you doing?
And he's so out in the abyss that he just sort of wants to go, hey, hey, something like that.
Like, I gotcha.
Boo.
But he doesn't have that kind of vocabulary as far as love and affection goes.
So he would say to my mom, like, you're gorgeous.
And look away, whatever.
It just means like, I like you, you're good.
But then he started saying it to me and my brother.
And we're like, what?
We're gorgeous?
And then we're on a road trip and he's getting his beers from the beer store.
And he goes, there you go, sir.
And he's totally spaced out.
And he just looks at the sexy young man and goes, you're gorgeous.
He just walks out of the way.
We're outside the parking lot.
I go, hey, dad, you just told an 18-year-old boy that he's gorgeous and you blew a kiss at him.
And he just goes, that's how he laughs.
It's disturbing.
So yeah, you calmly ask for examples of the racism.
Why wasn't he racist in 2014, by the way?
I hate when people call Trump a reality star.
Yes, very recently he had a show called The Apprentice.
I'm 50.
I remember in 1980 seeing him on the cover of Penthouse.
He was always in Mad Magazine.
He was on Sally Jesse Raphael.
He's been in the public eye since the late 70s, non-stop.
So yeah, he dabbled in reality at the very end because that was a great business and everyone else was doing it.
It was the thing to do at the time.
That's not who he is.
He's a real estate mogul who's made billions.
Yeah, from his dad.
Okay, you know what?
I'm going to give you $3 million in Manhattan and then check in in 50 years.
I have a funny feeling you'll be fucking broke.
Like most lottery winners.
I told her to stop lying to the whole family and get right with God.
Dude, you blew it.
She ruined two precious days of our vacation.
And when we all say goodbye, I saw my father crying, which I've only seen that twice in my life.
Which I have only seen that twice in my life.
Which I have only seen twice in my life.
Can you have your mother edit your next letter to us, please?
My father, mother, brother, and I run our family business and we all work very hard most of the year.
So our vacations are very important to us.
It's cool that they still go on vacation together, assuming this guy isn't like 12.
No, if his mother's 70, he's an old guy.
Why are you still going on vacations with your parents?
This was all in July.
Now here's the other mistake.
I froze my sister out in the next few months and she actually started acting nice to me.
That's not a result of the freezing out, dude.
That's a result of your mom calling her and crying.
Asking my mom if I was upset at her saying she apologized.
So the sister was claiming she apologized, but she didn't.
That's a lie.
To wanting pictures of our newborn and sending me a gift card when I had surgery.
What'd you have surgery for to fix your spelling?
I weakened on her.
Jesus Lord.
Because I do love her, but I do not trust her.
I don't like her, and I'm still pissed at what she did to my family.
Let it go, dude.
Let it go.
Don't forget, but forgive.
That's the Christian thing to do.
So you're being way too hard on her.
She's trying to come back in your life.
There's no need to punish her.
Now, what are unforgivable things?
There's a lot of unforgivable things.
Like my uncle, my dad's brother, told my grandfather he got into college and then he took the money and would go to the pub every day and just play pool for years.
He would have a book bag with the same books in it and go to a non-existent college, which was actually a pub.
Is that unforgivable?
Ripping off your dad?
Like, say, I'm my dad?
It's pretty rough.
It's pretty rough.
I don't know.
It's a case-by-case basis.
There are some things.
Obviously, hurting, you know, someone's child, like you slap around your nephew.
I could understand that father beating the shit out of the guy and never speak to him again.
But you get what I'm saying?
It's like major consequential things that you end relationships with your family on.
Child abuse, robbing them blind, that kind of shit.
Basically criminal offenses.
But outside of that, being a dick because you're brainwashed by Oregon and California, it's like Scientology.
If my brother became a Scientologist, I would just avoid the subject of Scientology altogether.
That's the situation we're in in America.
We're in a Scientology climate.
Okay.
I'm still pissed at her.
Fine, be pissed.
Just seethe.
My mom told me about a month ago that she wanted to come home for Christmas and I wanted to rip into her, my sister, right there, but I didn't.
I'm going to confront her because I don't want her to hijack Christmas and make it fucking miserable.
Christmas in our family is about God, kids, and relaxation.
Question, should I let her have it?
Let it go, or a mixture of both.
Not a mixture, let it go.
This is what you do.
You make it a fun thing.
Hey guys, no politics.
No politics this Christmas.
It's a fun rule, like no farting or no saying words that start with B. It's a silly game you guys are Playing.
And when it comes up, no politics.
I have relatives on my wife's side where, when politics come up, they know that we're going to get into a fight, me and the person.
And so literally, hands go up, no politics.
And it's very strict.
No politics.
And us righties are like, fine.
And the left is more like, and they stop it right away.
But that's been very conducive to a smooth Christmas, Thanksgiving, all this other stuff.
And that's what you have to do.
Look, there's time to get revenge or to bring it up.
In a year, you can say, you remember when you were the worst cunt on earth two years ago?
Ideally, she's sane after that.
She got her shitty Biden and realized that he sucks and Trump derangement syndrome has fizzled out.
There'll be times.
But this kind of confrontation with dad's crying is irrevocable and does permanent damage to the family.
Well, she did permanent damage to our family.
No, no, no, no, not really.
I have this conversation in my head about a million times, going from completely pissed, where I tell her if she pulls that shit during Christmas, I'll pack her family up and send her ass back to LA.
I am the oldest brother, and as she points out constantly, the alpha male in the family.
Something has to be said.
How should I handle this?
Thank you.
Have a great show.
Keep it up, Chris.
So, as the alpha male, you have to be big enough to play dumb.
Now, with her, you can't really play dumb because you've already shown all your cards.
So I would just take her husband aside and say, dude, this constant politicking, Trump derangement syndrome, whatever you want to call it, it's ripping my family apart.
And soon, we won't see your kids.
They won't see our kids.
It'll be a permanent rift.
And I don't want that to happen.
So I'm going to casually, happily insist on a no politics clause this Thanksgiving, this Christmas.
And I'd like you to help back it up because it sounds like the professor is sane.
All right.
Here's another fun way to bond on Thanksgiving.
COVID.
This is a scenario that Cuomo wants.
This is the scenario that de Blasio wants.
This is the scenario that most COVID fucking phobics want.
But if you're having dinner with your family on Thanksgiving and you're not six feet apart and you're drinking and singing, you were clearly on the same page when it comes to COVID.
So if, I bet there's not a lot of liberals joining their families this Thanksgiving or this Christmas.
But if there are, they're clearly pretty sane and are not brainwashed by all this propaganda.
So maybe you could bond on that.
And I think the best way to bond with COVID is to ask Trump.
You're fired.
Fuck you.
Is to just say the simple thing that all us sane COVID people say, which is, hey, we're not denying it exists.
No one's denying it exists.
That's nuts.
When people say, even at rallies, it's not real.
What they mean is the magnitude that we're seeing is not real.
It's not the black plague.
It's killed 200,000 people?
No, I don't think so.
I think the over-reporting has it more like 100,000.
And they are all olds and fats.
Some of them had pre-existing conditions.
And flu seems to have magically disappeared.
I think a lot of flu stats are in there.
So once you take away all of those factors, pre-existing conditions, olds, fats, over-reporting, the flu, and you look at people like you and I, going outside is more dangerous.
Driving is more dangerous.
And what I would say to my fellow, to my family members at the COVID thing is to say, look, if you're old, if you're fat, I could see, there might be some olds and fats at the table though.
If you're very old and very fat, I could see, yeah, say very, so fat people don't get mad at you.
Very old and very fat people, I could see it.
Put a mask on.
I might stay home if I was 89.
It's not worth the risk right now.
But can the rest of us please get back to work?
Can the rest of us begin making money again?
Hear, here, here, here.
And then everyone toes.
Okay, so here are some tips for dealing with the left when it comes to various subjects, because you're going to see people you haven't seen for a while.
They've been in their bubble.
It's like Facebook has become Medusa, and it takes whatever your views are, and it locks you there like stone, and they can't waver from that.
So immigration to them is, we're a nation of immigrants.
We need to open our borders, and they do the jobs Americans won't do.
And right now, Trump is so racist, he hates them, he thinks they're all rapists.
So he's putting them in cages.
That's a lot to unpack, is it not?
But that's the narrative from the left.
So the best way to handle this, I always say, is questions.
Oh, okay, all right.
So just the same way you would with a 12-year-old who's talking like an expert and he doesn't know you're a mechanic and he's telling you about cars.
You go, oh, okay, all right.
And how many cylinders is that?
Oh, okay.
That's a V six, a V6.
Okay.
Oh, it's V because of the way the little tubes are shaped.
I get it.
When they talk about immigration, you say, okay, I don't understand how it should go.
Help me out here.
Like, say someone crosses the border with their kids.
They have to go in some sort of holding cell, right?
I mean, otherwise you don't have borders.
No, just let them go.
Oh, okay.
So America has no borders?
Try to build their model.
Like, just like we always say with NA, NAA, play it out.
In NA, they say, if you have a beer, then you're going to have a shot, then you're going to buy Coke, then you're going to get heroin, then you're going to die.
You know that's the sequence of events.
So with immigration people, I always say, okay, so they come across the border, and then it's a guy and a four-year-old girl.
I either let them go or I put them in some sort of holding cell, a cage, as you put it.
It's got to be a place they can't get out of.
So it's going to be pretty cage-like.
And by the way, Obama built those cages.
I know, by the way, for a lot of you, this episode is stuff you've heard a million times.
But don't watch it then.
This is kind of like a Swiss Army knife thing for dealing with liberals at family events.
And obviously, you're going to hear things you've heard on my show a million times.
But I'd rather put them together in a package for this Thanksgiving episode.
So I have to put them in a holding cell because we have borders.
Because without borders, we don't have a country.
And if you want no borders at all in the entire world, well, that's a whole new planet.
And no other countries are going to agree to that, by the way.
Peru, you tell Peru they don't have borders, they're going to tell you to go fuck yourself.
So they should.
So are we the only ones without borders?
No.
Okay, so we have borders.
All right, so if someone crosses a border illegally, for it to exist, there has to be some sort of punishment.
Or else it's just a border in theory.
So you have to put them in some sort of holding thing while you process the papers and figure out what you're going to do with them.
You can't put kids in adult holding cells.
They're going to get raped.
They're going to get fucked with.
So you have to separate the kids.
So separating children from their families, again, I'm trying to stay interrogative.
What if you catch a drug dealer, she's dealing Coke, assuming the drug war is still going in this perfect society.
She's dealing Coke and she's with her five-year-old.
And there's no one who can take the kid.
There's no relative around.
That's separating families.
You have to put the kid in foster care with someone while you process her paperwork for dealing cocaine.
Like, what's your version of events?
You tell me what we do.
She comes, the girl comes with the mom to the jail, or we let moms get away with dealing Coke if they're with kids.
Isn't that going to encourage Coke dealers to always have a kid around?
Which is exactly what's happened with immigration.
These people are bringing kids across as toys.
The DNA rarely checks out.
These aren't their fucking kids.
You want proof?
The kids are there unclaimed.
You're not going to come back for your kids?
I would come back for my kids if they were in hell.
I would fight Satan.
I wouldn't go, oh, well, I can't go back and get my kid.
I'll get in shit.
I'll get arrested, deported.
They noticed that basically women voters and a large part of the American public is very unhappy with the thought of people being separated from their kids.
So they started bringing kids.
Kids in Mexico with these drug cartels are human garbage.
They use them as spotters.
They use them to transport drugs.
They're orphans.
They're tools.
And they're being used as tools against the American psyche.
And Americans are falling for it.
Mostly chicks.
Mostly chicks are falling for that shit.
So I always want to know how I don't separate kids from the border.
I think that's a good way of putting it to your people.
He didn't call all Mexicans rapists.
He noticed that they're sending a lot of bad guys over the border.
That's got nothing to do with Mexicans in general.
Okay?
Just because your town has a rapist in it doesn't mean you're saying everyone in that town's a rapist, but they noticed when the town sends the rapist somewhere that they're sending their rapist.
So then we get to Trump.
And they're going to say he's racist, and he said you can grab a woman by the pussy.
With the racist thing, you have to ask for examples.
They'll do the Mexican rapist thing.
They'll also do the very fine people.
Now, the best way to handle this, I know you're getting mad, dude.
I get mad too.
Especially when you've had a few drinks, you want to just say, oh, fuck off.
Go make me a sandwich, you stupid bitch.
Which is a fun way to end a conversation in a bar.
But when it's your family, you can't do that.
You know, I ended one conversation bar.
I can't go out at night anymore, really, because I get recognized by wasted people and they're not a great demographic to deal with.
And it was these two women.
One had a shaved head and one was fat, and they thought they were lesbians.
Now, I could have just said, you know what you are, you're both lugs, lesbians until graduation.
You're not even real.
And the reason you're pretending to be a lesbian is because you're fat, and you're fat because you're lazy.
And no one wants to fuck you, so you just get a girl, and now you can get laid and still pretend that you're some sort of visible minority.
And you, the girl with the shaved head, you're just boring and kind of ugly.
So you shaved your head and you pretend you don't want the boys that don't want you anyway.
I didn't need you anyway.
And you're doing this whole political thing as an act, which is why you don't know what you're talking about.
I could have said that.
It was my local bar at the time.
And I don't want to get in a screaming fight.
So I was trying to keep everyone calm and not be the guy where when I show up, fights break out.
Because that's how you get 86.
So I just calmly said to them, they were asking about trans and they go, I don't really believe it.
I think it's just people pretending to be something they're not like you two.
I didn't say that part.
And then I came up with a good little trick that I highly recommend.
I said, what about Antifa?
And every time it goes to Proud Boys or something else, you just bring it back.
You go, what about Antifa?
What about Antifa?
Oh, that's an idea.
Okay, well, it seems like a pretty violent idea.
We've had five months of rioting, six months maybe by now, $3 billion in damage, statue in every state.
We've had 32 deaths at these riots, not tangentially related, but at the fucking riots.
32.
That's more than Heather Heyer.
She's one.
And they go, well, the right is just as violent.
And then you go, show me an example.
And they'll pull up on their phone some COVID rally where people weren't wearing masks.
I go, that's not a building burning to the ground.
That's not fireworks shot at cops.
That's not violent.
And then they get mad and leave.
So I think it's always healthy to put the onus on the person that's deranged and say, provide me with evidence.
Help me out here.
The other trope you always get from the left is this is a racist country.
And the way they base this on, what they base this on is the fact that black men are in prison.
And a lot of that is Biden and Harris, by the way, in this stupid drug war.
And that's a good one to throw them, a good bone to throw them, because you're like, I'm against the drug war.
I think drugs should be legal.
I mean, heroin already is legal.
It's called OxyContin.
So Let's get the junkies off the streets, get them into treatment.
We should have mental health centers.
All these mass shooters are insane and high.
Let's get them treated in a facility and get drug use to go down by making it legal.
Once drugs are legal, there's no motive for the cartels.
You've killed a whole industry there of gang warfare where 20 black men are killing 20 black men a day.
And when you bring that up too, you have to make it clear that that's democratic policies.
But again, interrogative.
My understanding is that the big problem with crime is this the lack of fathers in the hood.
And fatherlessness brings a lack of discipline, a lack of direction, and they end up getting sucked into a crime world.
The crime gang, crime boss, becomes their dad.
And so it seems like ending welfare would sort of stop this incentive for mothers to be single.
And they might be more inclined to stay with their baby daddy.
And they might go, oh, that's stupid, whatever.
Oh, okay.
And then you just drop it, but you planted the seed.
And if it comes up again, you can go, yeah, it's really unfortunate what Democrats did to the black family with welfare.
You always got to play up the minority and down the white guy to get into their heads.
Like immigration only benefits whites, rich white males in Mexico and America.
It hurts Mexicans in Mexico.
Their mom is a nanny.
Their dad's working construction.
There's no men in that town.
There's no moms in that town.
You've drained the town of love and culture and patriarchy.
And you've left it just a bunch of relatives sitting there getting checks all day.
That's no way to live.
So the racism trope is based on the fact that blacks are doing badly.
We're all for equality of possibilities, but we're not for equality of outcome.
Asian, short, fat Asians are nowhere in the NBA.
Is that proof that the NBA is against Asians?
How many Native Americans are in the NBA?
Not many.
And they're tall.
They do well in basketball.
Why aren't they in the NBA?
Because of anti-Indian racism?
No, that's not the case.
So just because a group suffers doesn't mean that there's someone out to get them.
And I always use the analogy of, say the mayor said, I'm clamping down on parking tickets.
Everyone who has outstanding parking tickets is getting the boot on their car.
That might, in a certain neighborhood, disproportionately affect black males.
Does that mean it's racist to enforce parking?
No, it means blacks got to pay their fucking parking tickets.
You know, that oink, oink you monsters chick we had on the on our t-shirts there, she got her wish.
There's no one on the subway anymore.
And this no mental institutions is not a great combo.
No cops, no mental treatment.
And they're shoving people off of trains.
Junkies are shooting up.
I've seen people blowing.
I can't show it on the show, but I've seen like a bum blowing some random black dude just right out there where everyone is.
Bums defecating on the tracks, pissing.
You go to sit in a seat and there's a trail of piss that's going up and down.
So she got her wish and it's a fucking hellhole.
Anyway, racism in America.
So these are the two biggies.
Racism was, we built this country on slavery and we stole it from the Indians.
The Indians stole it from the Indians.
The Indians were a tribe, a nomadic tribe, a group of nomadic tribes fighting each other, killing each other, mass graves, shooting each other with arrows after they were dead, so they would be immobilized in the afterlife.
Brutal, savage warfare.
A new tribe shows up, whites.
They struggle.
It was not an obliteration.
They were just another tribe for 400 years.
I think it's racist to single them out.
Just because they won, eventually, they fought with the Indians, they fought against the Indians.
I got a painting right here, the Battle of Fort Decayne, where we have the French and the Mohicans ganging up against a white tribe called the English.
They fought and fought and fought.
400 years.
People went to bed.
They went to their grave going, oh well, my grandmother was losing to the Indians.
We're losing to the Indians.
I guess we're lost this war.
Our tribe is done.
And eventually, superior firepower, they won, they overpowered.
And then there was a fight within the whites where the more working class British kicked out the British elites.
That's more tribalism.
And then even within that, there was a North and South war with two tribes, the North Tribe and the South tribe.
All of this is just tribes.
We have a history of tribes fighting each other.
And to stop slavery, 620,000 men died.
That population is the equivalent of, if it was today's population, it'd be 5 million dying.
That's an American Holocaust.
We suffered, and probably 98% whites, suffered an American Holocaust to free the black man.
And this is a country steeped in racism?
There should be parades going, thanks, white people, for ending slavery.
You didn't start it.
You finished it.
Britain made it illegal in 1833.
America finally ended it in 1865.
You're welcome for that.
And as far as slavery goes, Arabs, Jews, blacks rounded up.
Actually, I'm not positive about Jews, but I know it was Arabs.
Weren't there a lot of Jews coming from Arab places?
Arabs and blacks rounded up 11 million Africans, sub-Saharan Africans.
And a million died being rounded up.
Not by white guys, by Muslim Arabs and by blacks.
Got it?
So they started this whole industry.
Although the industry goes back before Africa, the industry, we had the industry.
We had this, The word slave comes from Slav.
We had this all over Britain.
There were slave rebellions with the serfs in England, with white slaves rebelling.
So it goes on forever.
But the slavery we know, when we talk about slavery, we're not talking about Slavs.
We're talking about the ones that were taken from Africa, and that was Arabs and blacks, possibly Jews.
I'll have to double check that.
A million died.
We got 10 million shipped out.
Brazil got like three or four million of that 10.
We had 320,000.
Now, the New York Times denies this, but there is evidence of 400,000 white slaves also being stolen.
Irish kids being, the term spirits is from being spirited away because they take bums that were passed out, they'd throw them.
Sometimes they throw them in a boat and they just work as sailors forever.
Work them to death.
Yeah, but they didn't pick cotton.
Whites didn't really pick a lot of cotton because they couldn't handle the sun.
They would sunburn to death.
And blacks would make jokes about white slaves because they were less expensive.
They were lower quality.
Black slaves were the most expensive slaves and therefore in the slave hierarchy they were the more refined, the more valuable, speaking of less valuable.
White slaves were less valuable.
And Jim Goad has collected a lot of data saying that there was 400,000.
So that kind of nullifies the whole thing.
And another thing I stole from Goad, let's say hypothetically that 100% of America's wealth came from slavery.
This is totally ignoring the fact that something like 3% of Southerners own slaves.
But let's say it's just this booming economy.
The Civil War wasn't just devastating with human beings, the 5 million, equivalent of 5 million today.
It was financially devastating.
After the Civil War, the balance sheet was zero.
So you build a restaurant and it gets burned to the ground.
Someone comes along and with the foundation that's there, which is just a cement box, rebuilds the restaurant.
It's beautiful.
Then it becomes a chain.
They start selling other, it becomes a whole, what's it called, licensing thing all around the country.
It's McDonald's now.
The guy who built the first restaurant doesn't have the right to come in and say, hey, hey, hey, hey, this is my, I built this chain.
I built McDonald's.
No, you didn't.
The thing you built is long gone.
Zero.
Negative.
The bounce was in the negatives.
So that's a clean slate.
That's declaring.
We literally declared bankruptcy.
We were done.
So those two arguments don't work.
What does that leave us now?
Those are the biggies.
You're going to get homosexuality, homophobia.
God.
I don't know how to break it to most gays, but there's no phobia there.
You know, Adam Corolla pointed out something.
He goes, to a normal straight guy, the idea that a man isn't remotely interested in tits or vagina and he pumps men in the butt, that's very, very weird to your average guy.
What does the average guy think of that?
Nothing.
If I met a dude who had never had anal, never had vaginal sex and he only put it in his girlfriend's butt only, I'd go, that's weird.
Probably gay, by the way.
But I wouldn't give a shit.
It's none of my business.
So yes, there may have been a thing where gays were pariahs and no one liked them.
But that's not the case anymore.
Even when I was a kid, you had Paul Lynn, you had Liberace, you had the village people, you had Rip Taylor, over-the-top raging homosexuals.
And everyone was just like, okay.
They'd say, he's a little light in the loafers.
But they wouldn't have a problem with it.
Oh, my dog's barking.
I don't know who that is.
Might be my kids home.
I better watch what I'm saying.
I better curb my enthusiasm.
So no one is homophobic.
People are homo-board.
What about gay marriage?
Yeah, I'm still, I'm staying interrogative.
I would say, yeah, it makes sense to me.
And I was for it for the longest time because it was like two people in love.
They want to be more traditional.
You're not going to un-gay yourself.
So you might as well try to buckle down and, you know, have a family.
That sounds good.
If some orphan is sitting there and no one's adopting him, you're going to get him.
Cool.
Thanks.
That's awesome.
But then I started seeing people getting bullied.
Like, do you think someone should have to bake a cake?
Yes.
Okay.
Should someone have to bake a cake that says, I love gays and gay sex if they're Muslims?
What about a Muslim bakery?
So you've always got to flip it that way.
Who's there?
No reason.
I'm recording.
And then the trans thing, if they start blasting with trans science, like I saw this video where this woman was doing a PowerPoint on trans and what pronouns she likes.
If that happens and that person's in your home, you are dealing with mental radioactive waste.
And I would just tread lightly.
I would smile, use whatever pronouns she wants, and not do any of the shit I'm saying today.
None of this interrogative stuff, none of that.
She's inconvertible.
So I would just smile and let her grow out of that phase.
That's nothing that we can negotiate with.
That's just like, yeah, okay.
Like astrology.
You're not going to, people who are really into astrology, you're not going to shake them out of that.
So just smile and go, yeah, oh, Sagittarius, guilty as charged.
Oh, it's a full moon rising on Uranus.
Great, okay.
Well, I hope it works.
Election gate is going to come up.
My dad's already covered that pretty well.
I would say I actually made a list of real evidence you could quietly say.
So here is some points you could memorize.
The big picture though, like what Tucker said is they've been stealing the election for four years.
Big tech has got in there censoring conservative voices.
I'm gone, Milo's gone, Laura Loomer's gone.
Anyone fun who's pro-Trump is gone, mentioning Proud Boys is verboten, anything that praises Alex Jones, Nick Fuentes, they're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
So you cut half the conversation out.
And that's the national conversation.
Secondly, these people have been illegally changing the laws of the democratic process.
They've been cutting out signatures.
Philadelphia said the signatures don't have to match.
There was no vote on that.
It's unconstitutional.
It's illegal.
So they've been changing, they've been rigging the system for the past four years.
So that's inarguable proof right there.
But here's some little points you can casually, quietly say.
And I like to start things in these tense situations with, my understanding is, or I read an article that said, or I thought I heard someone say, I know I sound like a total pussy, pussyfooting around here,
but you're not a pussy if you're playing dumb and you're actually doing 5D kraken chess.
Many counties had little or no population increase, but votes were up about 50%.
Biden is not that charming.
Trump is not that detestable.
The turnout was unprecedented in American history tenfold.
That's bizarre.
Hundreds of thousands of votes were just Biden checked.
And the way the little hole was filled in was absolutely perfect, as though a computer did it.
No little lines escaping and nothing else on the ballot.
And that happened with Trump, like so rarely that the margin of error wipes it out, like 800 out of a million.
But with Biden, the just Biden votes were in the hundreds of thousands per state.
Dominion voting machines have, their software has been compromised, has corrupted.
Why did all, and again, it's a question, why did all swing states use Dominion?
That seems like a weird coincidence.
In Wisconsin, 30,000 votes switched from Trump to Biden.
So those are just the main things.
And it's hard because they say there's no evidence of photo fraud.
And then you go, well, I kept hearing about how our election has been compromised by the Russians in 2016.
And now it's anti-American to even question it.
Let's just go through them.
Let's look at Giuliani's evidence.
Let's look at Sidney Powell's evidence.
Don't you want to know if the election system works or not?
I do.
And if Trump lost, Trump lost.
This is if you get to Trump.
I mean, it's funny because I started this show saying don't go near politics, but I guess what I'm saying is someone's going to get drunk and you're going to end up down that alley at some point.
So here's what to do if you end up there.
Proud Boys might come up.
Curious people already know what the club is about.
The incurious are tough to work with.
Just keep focusing on the black guys, the black Proud Boys.
Isn't the leader black?
Say?
They try to trivialize his blackness.
No, he's Afro-Cuban.
Oh, okay.
So it's a white supremacy club led by an Afro-Cuban.
Does he hate other Afro-Cubans?
If you want to dive deep, you could talk about how the Proud Boys take in blacks and gays who get rejected from their friends for being mega because the liberals are remarkably intolerant of Trump supporters.
You know, I know a gay guy who came out in New York City and he's lived in an area in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where there was a few gay bars.
And he would just regularly visit them.
You know, there's probably three gay bars in all of Williamsburg.
You must know all the bartenders there and all the knights and the karaoke knights.
He was just part of, hey dude, how you doing?
They knew everyone.
And now he's not allowed in them anymore.
So what does he do?
He comes to our bar.
That's why we have more gays and blacks than, say, Antifa.
Because we are the island of misfit toys.
We take those who have been banished, censored, banned.
And then they'll say that they were in Charlottesville.
You say they weren't in Charlottesville.
You have to explain to them that Charlottesville was two things.
It was a statue rally saying, don't take down these statues.
Then it was also a bizarre ritual that smells like feds to me where Nazis with tiki torches said Jews will not replace us.
I didn't see that on the flyer at any point, although I did suss it out early and said don't go, for which I got zero credit.
I think it was a setup.
Well, didn't the guy who start Charlottesville, wasn't he a Proud Boy?
No, he infiltrated the club twice by lying and was kicked out for being alt-right when they discovered that he was.
That was like that article the other day that said, Proud Boys is like a gateway drug because we found a bunch of Nazis that were involved with them.
And you go, how were they involved?
Well, they tried to join and they were kicked out.
Okay?
That's not a gateway drug.
That's the system working correctly.
And then when they bring up Heather Heyer, of course, you explain Dwayne Dixon, who spooked James Fields right before he sped off in his car.
He threatened him with a gun.
He sped off.
They were banging on his car.
He freaked out.
He's nuts.
He drove into a crowd.
This woman, Heather Heyer, I don't know if she was hit.
She could have just had a heart attack from the fear.
She was very obese.
So I think James Fields' lawyer is fucked up, by the way.
He got 430 years for that.
You know what you get in New York if you murder someone?
On average, 11 years.
Not 430 years.
What is he, Gandalf?
So I think that's it.
Homophobia, racism.
Yeah.
And I want you to retain your relationship with your sister.
She's going through a crazy time.
Half the country is going through this Trump derangement syndrome, and it's looking pretty good for Biden.
Like, at least I'm still supporting Trump, and we still do election gate coverage every day.
But let's accept there's a possibility that Biden gets in.
I mean, they're already celebrating it like they've won.
And if this is how people Act when they've won, and as far as they're concerned, they have.
They're insatiable, they're not going to stop, they're nuts, they're going through a crazy phase.
And what do you do with mental illness?
You don't tell them to fuck off and scream at them, you try to work with them, you try to help them emerge.
It's sort of like de-brainwashing someone in a cult.
You know, I remember I had a friend who sleepwalked, and he said, if I start sleepwalking, just explain to me how what I'm doing makes no sense.
So he ran down, he told me an example.
One time I was sleeping, I was at home, and I ran downstairs, and I screamed at my older brothers.
I said, hey, a stampede of married women are chasing me.
And he just said to me, okay, why?
I don't know.
How did they get together?
This was before social media.
How did they meet?
How did they organize this?
They all met at a certain time at like a church or something and then said, let's go chase Jamie.
I mean, we would have seen them outside first and dad wouldn't have let them in.
And Jamie went, oh yeah, huh.
And he walked back to bed.
So he cured him, not by attacking him, not by screaming, but by saying the flaws in his argument and calmly explaining some questions.
I just want to know how these women got together.
I'm not mad.
I'm not saying you're lying.
I'm not saying you're crazy.
I just don't understand how these women congregated to go chase you.
Now, the addendum to that story also applies.
It's actually a perfect analogy because it doesn't always work.
And after he told me that, he came up.
We were staying in a motel and I was on a cot.
And he came over to my cot and he goes, hey, man.
And I'm like, what?
What?
What time is it?
Four?
It's pretty late.
I want you to know that I have two posters in my room.
I have a Bobby Orr poster, right?
The hockey player.
And I also have a poster that is the BMW logo.
Just the circle, the cross there, it says BMW.
Those are the two posters over my bed.
There's no arguing with that.
It's a fact.
And I just went, uh, got it.
Okay, gotcha.
Went back to sleep.
And I told him the next day, I go, Jamie, the fuck?
You're explaining your posters in your bedroom back at home?
We were 20 at the time and 19.
No, no, no.
Shit, we must have been 17 if we still live with our parents.
And he goes, he started laughing and he goes, I don't have those posters.
I'm like, Bobby Orr, who would have a poster of a logo of a car company?
Like, you'd have the car.
You wouldn't have just their logo.
And I realized, oh, the witch, the evil spirit that makes him sleepwalk, whatever that little part of your brain is, recognized that he was being threatened.
And it said, there's some guy out there trying to ruin you by saying logic kills you.
So go attack.
The best offense is a good offense.
Go on the attack and explain things that you can convince him are logically true.
So there's no guarantees.
Everything I've just laid out in this episode hopefully works.
And Jamie realizes that a stampede of married women, married racists, can't be chasing him and he'll go back to bed.
But it's highly possible that the monster inside of him in the Trump derangement syndrome will lie, mention there's two posters that aren't there, and calmly go back to bed.
And if that happens, it happens.
At least you retain your family.
At least like the, what is it, the sisters?
Sisters sledge?
Yeah, we are family.
At least like the sledge sisters in Philadelphia, you'll still retain that family.
Half of the America is going through a serious mental crisis right now.
We're not.
The worst thing you can do to someone going through a mental crisis is scream at them, ostracize them, tell them to fuck off.
If they attack your mother, I understand you're getting mad.
Just try to calmly escort them out of the room or something like that.
They can go scream in the basement.
But do not sever ties with your family.
Be thankful that you have your family.
Be thankful that we live in the West, in the epicenter of freedom, where blacks, gays, women, visible minorities, handicapped, trans, nowhere on earth are they more free and have more opportunities than they do right here in the West.
So let's be thankful for that.
Enjoy our families, or we're going to end up like some loser in his bathrobe eating McDonald's all alone.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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