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Nov. 24, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:34:17
S03E43 - PENIS CK [2020-11-24 - S03E43 - PENIS CK]
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Time Text
Oh, can you see this with Kevin McKinnon's leading uninto my course?
We love it so old.
That was Etienne Cuisino from Franco, Canada, just indulging himself, doing a song that is so old.
2003.
You can do like Sinatra, but doing songs from 2003.
Look at her.
Wake up!
Imagine you ate so many fries, you became a lesbian.
That's a dude.
You should hang out at lesbian bars and just...
You know what you should do?
You hang out at lesbian bars, you say, hold on, I'm gonna put on my strap-on.
And it's just a strap-on that disappears into your pupes.
And you're like, this was really, really expensive.
Touch it.
Oh my god, it's just like a penis, which I don't have.
No, I'm a chick like you.
Look at my tits.
Listen to me sing.
You really think I'm a dude?
I don't have any facial hair.
I can hear the other guy's French accent.
Wake me up, Vesti.
He looks like an orc.
Can't wake up.
Now, Ryan, when you were a young man, you would be like, what, five when this came out?
Ten?
No, older than that.
Maybe like 14, 15.
And you loved it.
I thought it was pretty rotten.
Evanescence or whatever?
Oh, yeah.
Big time.
This was the breakout hit.
You know what I liked when I was 14?
What?
Cool bands that were good and not gay.
Well, this was on the radio, so it was like...
Yeah, I didn't listen to the radio at 14.
I listened to imports because I was cool.
You were a loser.
That is very cool.
You are a loser.
Get out of my way.
You're a French Canadian, basically.
This is you.
You're in this audience.
And of course, the band can be that big because the government is paying.
This is socialism.
You're watching socialism.
You'll notice it looks a lot like Russia.
I can tell you that this was Moscow, and you'd believe me.
Yeah, you're right.
That's the thing French people do.
They get confused with words that start with vowels.
So they'll say hup instead of up.
And then for air, they'll say, like for your hair, they'll call it your air.
A funny joke we used to make about, we call them Pepsis because they drink Pepsi because it's cheaper and they're poor.
But we would go, hey, I love the way that your air moves around into hair.
They can't just switch it?
You know what I mean?
It looks like your dad with AGN.
How did you explain it to him?
L's are R's and R's are L's.
I said, you know about the LR thing?
And he was driving.
He was like, no.
And I said, I was like, well, say my name.
What's my name?
He's like, Hedayan.
I said, say lion.
Like, he's like, hidayan.
Oh, okay.
How could you not know that as a chink?
I don't know.
Like, that never came up?
I know.
Well, speaking of chinks, did you know they're white now?
Yes.
You did?
Yeah.
Hitler said that they were honorary Aryans.
Oh, I didn't even know that.
But now black people have noticed that they're doing well, so they've kicked them out of people of color.
Wow, really?
Yeah.
So now it's like whites and Asians need not apply.
First it was white supremacy, now it's Asian supremacy, says Nikoko, who looks, just from that tiny dot, looks like she might be supreme.
She looks superior.
Yep, that's an alien.
That's a pretty alien with nice tits.
By the way, I got a lot of feed pushback from yesterday talking about Dojo Cat's tits.
I've been accused of being a titstop.
I don't appreciate that.
I would not have any problem with those tits.
I like those tits.
If I was single and I brought a girl home and she had those tits, a-okay, we're rocking.
I'm just like, you're on the AMAs and you're showing the world your tits.
Like you should have the best tits around.
Like she's got droopers and I'm a drooper guy.
But like, are those worth showing off?
Am I a snob?
Again, if my wife was in a car accident and those ended up being her tits, we'd still be married.
I'd work around it.
But come on.
They're a bit of a bummer.
And like, can you, why are you flaunting that?
And look, she's got her arms up.
That's supposed to give them some lift.
There's no lift.
I think you're wrong and I'm right again.
Niggas crying over these auntie titties.
See?
Thanks, young black Jesus.
Today's book, The New Church Lady, is a collection of all of Jim Goad's articles about trans and lunatics and how their religion.
It's their faith.
That's why they don't care about facts.
They like blacks in theory, not in practice.
They say they have Black Lives Matter signs on their lawn, but they would have a heart attack if you rezoned the schools and let that dirty neighborhood next door come in.
I always say, like, when I see these signs in the suburbs, I go, oh, oh, great news.
The black part of town one mile away desperately needs tutors helping kids with their math homework.
Sounds dangerous.
My son's on a cover of a magazine.
I just like the t-shirts and stuff.
I just like it.
It's my religion.
Don't go making me do stuff.
Don't make it real.
So, prison letters.
I've got a call from Mercedes.
Do we show her address at the end of the show?
I'm learning so much about prison letters.
Lots of rules.
Lots of rules.
Make sure it's at the end of this show.
Put your return address on the actual letter.
So don't say Proud Boys.
Don't say Antifa.
And put your return address.
Everyone I've talked to mails back 100% of the time.
If you have a problem with them having your address, well, you shouldn't be writing them in the first place.
Because what the jails do is they open the letter and they throw away the envelope.
They look for contraband and they throw it to you.
They don't like you.
They're not like cops.
Cops seem interested in what's going on, even when you're a dick.
But I find that corrections officers, the ones I met, and I'm not criticizing them per se, but the tone was much more farmer and animal.
It was just like pouring out the schlop, sweeping up the thing, grabbing the thing and putting it in the bucket.
You know, there wasn't a lot of talking to the cows.
So that's in my notes here.
I'm selling the notes for $25 each.
All the money will go to the kinsmen's, Max and John, but I'll be very surprised if any of them sell.
I'll sell them for $25.
Also, on yesterday's show, we promised you that we would get to the bottom of the Hells Angels Hunter Thompson thing.
We did.
Here's the story.
While Hunter Thompson was hanging out with the Hells Angels, he saw a guy kick his dog and then slap his bitch.
That is the culture, the biker culture.
If you want to learn to accept it, just pretend it's Islam and then it'll seem cool.
So Hunter Thompson said, only a bitch kicks an animal and hits a woman.
That wasn't very smart.
So this gentleman said, you're next.
And after he had slapped his lady around, he went and tuned up Hunter Thompson pretty good, but not crazy.
And then Hunter Thompson used that as like to make his book seem more dangerous and pretended a casual ass whooping was much more serious than it was.
And that helped sell the books.
And then they did that CBC thing in Canada that was totally staged where the guy came in and said, we just wanted a six-pack, a case of beer, and for everyone involved to get a copy.
So, God, speaking of French Canadians, the Hells Angels in Quebec are no joke, man.
They murder people.
It's socialism.
Quebec is Russia.
And people say to me, oh, you built vice with a grant, that you built it on welfare.
No, there was no way, no other way out than through the government.
That's the way it works there.
Shane and I had to pretend we had Down syndrome.
We went in there and filled out our forms cross-eyed to get the paperwork to go on like special retard welfare.
And then that got us the jobs and then we could take the company and run with it.
But that's the way it is then.
You can't live if you're not following the government program.
You get fined if you have an English sign.
Do you understand?
It was, like, you'd get beat up.
If you speak English in certain parts of town, you better be ready to brawl.
It was, what's it called?
The Cold Revolution.
Yeah.
So what happens in that kind of thing?
Government corruption thrives, and you have an orchestra of 50 people playing some stupid song that Ryan used to like when he was a baby.
And then you have rampant crime, because everyone's getting paid off, and the Hells Angels run the docks.
And then the Hells Angels started killing so many other bikers that a new gang was formed to fight back against Hell's Angels.
And they were called Rachmashin.
Rock machine?
I hope I don't get killed by them for making fun of their name.
It might sound cool if you don't speak English to say Rachmashin.
But here in the English-speaking world, it sounds fucking weird.
Rock machine?
You mean a guitar?
What's a rock machine?
I've decided to wear one of my wife's brooches here.
I think I might start wearing little pins with my suits.
What do you think of that idea?
That's fun.
Definitely without the tie, yeah.
I have a lot of pins.
It's a very 80s thing to do.
Rachmachin.
Rachmachin.
I got my first tattoo at a rock machine-owned tattoo parlor.
It's hard to portray to people because people think of Canadians as pussies, but Montreal was fucking dangerous.
Wrap me up inside.
Check out this motorcycle accident 1-0.
This is my fear.
Every time I'm on my motorcycle, I'm petrified of this happening.
1-0.
Yeah, it's the first link in the notes, you fucking tard.
Oh, is it not included there?
No.
You don't see the word motorcycle accident?
I don't know, 1-0, the first link.
Oh, shit.
Maybe I was adding to my notes after I emailed you.
Poopin' stupid.
Just go to Instagram and look up my favorite account, which is Right Wing Gringa?
Shizmobin.
Ah.
You'll see a guy in a motorbikes very soon.
It looks like it's from Easy Rider, but it's from last week.
Shizmobbin.
Come on.
Well, I have to frame everything correctly.
Yep.
I wasn't talking about framing.
Nope.
Okay.
Nope.
The last one here?
Nope.
Yep.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I wonder where the Hell's Angels are at now in Montreal.
Who's winning?
Because it was a major civil war when I lived there, Rock Machine and Hell's Angels.
And it wasn't like, I'm going to throw a brick through your window.
It was just murder, murder, murder, murder.
And then I think Hell's Angels had to go up there and say, murder a bunch of them for giving the club a bad name.
That's the best way to deal with murders is to murder them.
Okay, so you're driving along, you're on your motorcycle, right?
And you go, I'm doing everything by the book, but what about some idiot on meth?
What about a moron who comes tearing around the corner in my lane?
Now, see if you can.
I know you can't pause these videos, but see how close you can go to frame by frame.
Because he could have just stayed landed on the top of the car.
I've seen that before.
Wonder what happened to him.
Do you think he broke his legs?
Okay, stop.
So first he tries to put his foot down, which I don't understand.
Probably should have just driven into the bushes.
So there you go over the handlebars, right?
Your head, thank God you got your helmet.
Your head breaks the windshield.
You land cool in a karate stance, ready to rock.
Oh, that happened quickly.
And then you fall back.
I think he smashes his knees on the pavement here.
Oh, yeah.
Videos cut out too soon.
I want to see the next hour.
Yeah.
It actually kind of looks like the safety of a motorcycle is kind of well designed.
Where you just fly right off?
Yeah.
Should I help my friend or kill the guy?
That's why the camera turned off.
Yeah, that's why.
They want to record a fucking murder.
He just had on little vans, little skate shoes.
In the news today, a monolith discovered in the desert.
Just a giant steel box that someone cool put there to be funny.
Who embedded a large metal monolith in the remote Utah desert?
A cool person who is amusing.
That's what happened.
Of course, people who do mushrooms like Joe Rogan go, maybe it was a cool person who was funny.
Maybe it was an alien.
Maybe it's like a really funny alien, man.
Pull that shit up, Jamie.
And they have no idea how it got there.
They think it's definitely aliens.
Although when you look closer, you can see the screws.
You can see the rivets that put it together.
So it was just a cool artist, really.
Maybe it was done for a photo shoot.
But Joe Rogan's pooping his pants about it.
Although he did admit that.
Go to 1-2.
Yeah.
Whoever put this here, please stop playing with my emotions.
I don't know why I look so wrinkly on this show.
I'm not that old looking.
Like this big bag you see here, it's something to do with my glasses and the lighting.
I promise you.
I don't look that ugly.
Please, believe me.
And then Twitter, Paul Joseph Watson was talking about it.
Or no, someone else was talking about it.
Go to 113.
Yeah, here they are today.
Alien life form.
Oh, so they were flying over and they saw it in that little pit.
What a cool area to walk around in, huh?
Or to party in.
Wouldn't it be cool to just have a party there?
Yeah, it would.
Lots of chicks with your tits hanging out.
All types of tits, all different sizes.
That's triangular, huh?
Oh, yeah, it's more diamond-y than cuby.
They've cut it in?
Okay.
Who does this kind of stuff?
Yeah.
I can tell he's a nerd.
You have to be a nerd to know how to fly things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is just wild.
That.
I just saw the screws really clearly.
We got to see if there's some writing on.
What the heck is that?
They didn't probably didn't have to dig much because with all the rain through the rainy season and stuff, I get the sand would pile up and bury it.
4chan found it where it is.
1-4.
I like this 4chan chick.
Whoever 4chan is, he's smart.
4chan has discovered the location of the Utah monolith.
It sat there for over four years unnoticed.
How do you know?
Oh, because they look at the dates.
I didn't know you could do that on Google Maps.
You can go back in time?
How far back?
Wake me up inside.
Got work up.
All right, so we're ready to start jumping into our segments here.
The first segment is feminism, and someone explained to me recently that we already have a video for Feminism is Cancer.
You did do the second one, right?
You cut out the first one?
Yes.
Okay.
Let's hear it.
New segment.
Feminism is Cancer!
Feminism is Cancer!
I'm a lady!
Whoa, go back, go back?
That one in the black one piece with the X on the front?
What an insane looker.
I mean, the other ones are nice, whatever, but holy crap, that's one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen.
That looks very pornographic.
Whew.
That's like a head shaker.
Go back.
Can you just show the whole segment again so we can watch her dance around?
Okay.
Wait for the play button to go, and here we go.
Her feminism is cancer.
Feminism is cancer.
I'm a lady.
Whoa, that's a wife.
Wow.
All right.
I was surfing the web, and I discovered this chick who mocks Louis C.K. And she does a character and has been doing it, I assume, since his controversy three years ago, where she calls herself Penis C.K. Now,
women often complain that they're not invited to the men's club that is stand-up comedy or comedy in general.
And now, thanks to woke Obama and Political Correctness and Me Too and BLM and Antifa, they have crowbarred their way into the comedy world.
All right, you broke in.
You didn't come through the front door.
You busted in the window.
But Louis C.K. is one of the funniest guys ever.
Let's see what you got when you call him a piece of shit.
Let's see how funny you are.
Okay, this is super funny.
Louis C.K. No, it's not Louis C.K. It's Penis C.K. There's so much going on in this video, but I have to take about 50 steps back and start with the special with Brett Davis.
Now, that used to be a show.
It's Manhattan Cable Access.
And it used to be run by Chris Getthard, who must have had a pretty rough time of it in grade school with the last name like Get Hard.
But he went on to Greener Pastures, so now this clown is running it.
And you'll be shocked when you watch this video at how uncool people in New York City can be.
When I first moved here, I assumed everyone was in the Velvet Dolls or something, you know?
Velvet Underground, the New York dolls.
And I was like, wait, you're a nerd and you're boring and you're embarrassing.
You remind me of the losers from my hometown in Ottawa, in Canada, Ontario.
How do I get to the mecca of cool and you're here?
And then you realize that, yeah, a lot of New York is full of a lot of fucking dorks.
Anyway, it's also full of a lot of sad spinsters who came here against my will.
I told you ladies that New York City is an elephant's graveyard for ovaries.
You came here because you think you're funny and you're not.
And you're making fun of possibly the funniest comedian in the history of comedy who beat off in front of someone.
Yeah, let's fucking castigate him.
Let's crucify him for consensually beating off in front of women.
But she clearly, I think she came here from some small town.
I'm not going to end up in the kitchen.
I'm not going to be a loser housewife.
I'm not going to make babies.
I'm going to make comedy.
That's kind of a bummer thing to do if you're talented.
Kristen Wigg did that.
She had a new husband.
She said, I'm too big for our little town.
She moved to New York with him.
He tried stand-up.
She tried stand-up.
Her career went off.
And their marriage went down the tubes.
They got divorced.
Now she's a lonely old spinster with dried-up ovaries who's done really funny sketches on SNL and made some great movies.
I mean, is anyone going to remember them?
You didn't make kids.
We gave you a magic power and now you're a dog mommy.
Go adopt a black kid at least so people don't call you racist.
Anyway, Kelsey Kane, on the other hand, is she's not relevant.
You're never going to hear of her again.
But the reason I bring her up, because this type of person is relevant.
They throw their babies in the garbage.
They give up on all of that motherhood to pursue something they suck at.
1%.
5% of the population is funny.
1% of that 5% is female.
Four out of the 5 are male.
So the odds are stacked against you.
You better be fucking hilarious.
Tina Fay, she is one of the most talented comedy writers of all time.
She was right to focus on that.
She made millions of dollars.
She's talented.
Kennedy from Fox Business, she's talented too.
Anyway, sorry, I'm off of the tangent here.
But I just hate seeing these women stuff their magic gift in the garbage for this.
Joke of the week tonight, making their return to television.
Keep your eye on this fucking dude.
New York City, that's where people wear leather jackets and have sunglasses, right?
Basquiat, Lou Reed, New York.
No, it's New Dork.
For penis CK!
What is he doing?
She's got a wig on.
I don't understand why.
So he's got his dick out.
Now, when did this all go down, this Louis C.K. thing?
I think it was 2017, three years ago.
She's still doing this.
And I'm pretty...
She's mocking the intro to his show.
I'm pretty sure that everyone agrees that he was fucked over.
Well, the woman...
Pause.
The woman didn't have a choice.
What?
He said, do you mind if I jerk off in front of you?
Sarah Silverman said she thought it was funny.
Janine Garofilo said she thought it was cool.
Like weird.
And the ones who don't can leave.
And then these two cunts said we were in whatever it was, Aspen or something or some Utah town at a comedy festival.
And when he asked us, he had so much power over us that it's like Mick Jagger asking you.
You just go, oh, yes, I want to be involved in rock and roll.
And you're the king of rock.
Sure, beat off.
Like they couldn't just walk out the door.
Harvey Weinstein cornered, what's her name there?
Friend of mine, actually.
She's on a friend of Bill's, Schultz's.
Anyway, Lawrence Savon.
He cornered Laurence Savon.
She couldn't get past him.
He was jerking off.
She was like, ah, and then he jerked off into a plant and she ran away and went, oh, God.
She should have pressed charges, by the way, immediately and not waited until it led to a vanity fair cover.
So the problem with that Mick Jagger thing that they were saying that they had no choice because he was so powerful, this is way the fuck back.
Not 2017, more like 2000, where he had no name.
He was like a Legion of Skanks guy.
No disrespect to them, but like it might as well have been the Puerto Rican rattlesnake or Dave Smith up on the marquee.
It brought in a normal amount of comedy fans.
So he had no power at that time.
And you watched him beat off.
He asked you first.
End of story.
But it devastated his career.
And Louis C.K., like, I'm not advocating for beating off in front of women, but that's none of my beeswax.
As long as it's consensual, it's none of my beeswax.
And the fact that this guy was so vilified, so destroyed over consensual sex is fucking disgusting.
It would have never happened if it was the other way around.
Some woman was like, can I diddle my bean?
It was because he's a white looking guy, and it's because these women who come here, they resent his success.
They think that it's all because it's a man's world.
No, Louis C.K. has a gift.
He's part of that 4%.
He has an incredible talent, and he made a lot of money with it.
He's so fucking hilarious that I feel cool when I watch his specials because he's part of my generation.
This clown is too much.
All right, so this dumb bitch is still ragging on him for his sin like it's a given that what he did was wrong.
She has notes on her hand, by the way.
She does?
Oh my God.
She's got notes on her hand.
Now, Bill Cosby was a serial rapist.
Yes.
Those women should have prosecuted him before it became fashionable.
They should have done it the next day.
But that's a bad man.
Lucy K, not a bad man.
And your glib, smug lampoon of him just comes across as bitter, talentless jealousies.
And if you're going to make fun of him, you better be fucking good.
This better be hilarious.
Keep your eye on this guy.
Everyone, it's me, famous stand-up comedian slash sex offender.
What is this?
What is he doing?
Penis DK.
She's so fat.
Look at him.
He's still going with his little sway.
Yeah, he's so bright.
That's right.
Leo on Adderall.
Is that the problem with these Zoomers?
Welcome back.
Thank you.
Oh, first things first.
I did it.
Yeah, he confessed.
Three years ago.
Did I do?
I loved masturbating.
Oh, man.
These guys jerk off three times a day.
Why are they all moving around like this?
Is this Coke or Adderall?
This guy's got a kind of neck shit happening.
Hard to tell.
But I know you guys are going to love this next one.
I know you're going to love this fun comedy bit.
What's the one?
Who wants to watch me jerk off?
Remember when Louis C.K. jerked off three years ago?
It's wrong.
And, you know, these New York women who come here, they end up just being a costume bag for strangers come on dating apps.
And there's guys that probably like sit on her face and just abuse her.
And she's like, ah, Louis sinned.
Like, men just fuck her face and then walk home.
Look at this fucking loser.
New York City?
Yes.
Pretty small dildo.
Don't women want a reasonable size cock for their sex toys?
Wait, did we miss a joke there?
Did you know that you're not fair, that Louis C.K. would come around to comedy clubs recently after he was in hiding for, I don't know, two years.
He wasn't allowed to show his face.
And he would do sets and people would complain.
They felt unsafe.
So they had to put a sign on the door saying, it's possible comedians that offend you might show up spontaneously.
We're not going to tell them not to come by, but if that happens, it happens.
And we'll give you your money back.
Because people are so traumatized by a guy who masturbated.
Ooh.
She's not laughing.
Did not even take that long.
I don't know what anyone's complaining about.
Thanks, boys.
But it hasn't all been fun and games this past year.
What gloves does he have on?
And why is he wearing sunglasses?
And why would a sweatshirt with a hood have no sleeves?
And why are the pins distributed so unevenly across him?
And what's this say?
Some sad things have happened.
Did you know that this year I lost $35 million?
I don't know.
It's unfathomable for her to ever do anything that's valuable and worth maybe even $5,000.
So $35 million doesn't register with her.
She doesn't understand.
She thinks he just didn't win the lottery.
He was going to make $35 million from movies, TV shows, because he works his fucking ass off and he's incredibly talented.
And he's been doing this since he used to be with David Cross and Sarah Silverman way back in the Boston scene, which was like the early 90s.
He's been doing this forever.
And eventually he became not a businessman, but a businessman.
And all of those other people who would work for him, all those PAs, all those boom operators, boom operators are out of money, you dumb cow.
And he didn't whine and complain about it.
He said, you know, that was a shitty year.
I lost 35 million bucks.
I bet you've had a shit year.
I had a really shit year.
Was he ever going, well, what was me?
No, he made it super funny.
He goes, everyone knows my thing.
You're so lucky.
I don't know your thing.
He goes, Obama knows my thing.
And it's true.
Obama knows that Louis C.K. beats, likes to beat off in front of women.
If any of you could understand what that feels like, because you all look very poor.
Yeah, he always brags about money, doesn't he, Louis C.K. But I can't imagine anything more traumatic ever happening to anyone.
Oh no.
Can you?
No.
Right.
Hold on.
How far are we in this?
We're in this two minutes and 44 seconds, and this is the first joke.
The joke is, what's he bitching about?
It's 35 million bucks.
No one can relate to that.
Okay.
Use your imagination.
But two and a half, almost three minutes waiting for a fucking joke?
Oh my goodness.
Okay, what else do I have to say?
Oh.
Oh, notes on the hand.
So there we go.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
He did this three years ago.
She's been doing this character ever since, and she can't memorize her lines.
Kelsey, you shouldn't have moved to New York.
You should have said yes to the first boyfriend who liked you more than a friend.
My comedy, you know it.
We liked it.
Yeah, we do know it.
I don't know yours.
I'm guessing it sucks.
Actually, spoiler alert, I looked it up and it is shockingly bad.
I'm very famous.
My comedy, every single year I put out a new special every year.
You know.
And this year, for no reason, I had to not do stand-up for nine months.
And so that only...
Nine months.
It was years.
Left me three months to put out a special.
And I will say this.
Some of my stand-ups.
And his special Slade.
And you're sitting on stage, mocking him, being powerfully unfunny.
This is like making fun of Keith Richards to Stick to my Rolling Stones analogies and getting up there and playing a shitty solo, mocking what a shitty guitarist he is.
If you're going to make fun of a great, then you better be good.
And so I'm sorry, my material was a little rough.
But you know what?
It's been really hard to get stage time in this town.
She's talking about that special he did that someone recorded.
I think he did that on purpose, though.
I think he had that leaked, right?
Do your Louis C.K. imitation.
I don't really know if I have a Louis C.K. impression.
She's a kind of and she's a faggot.
Remember he was doing, he was on OP and Anthony, and they were talking about the origin of the word kaik.
And Patrice O'Neill said, yeah, well, it's because you had to do an X if you were illiterate when you're coming to Ellis Island.
And in Hebrew, the word for circle is kaikal.
And for some reason, the Jews chose to do a circle instead of an X. So they were known as Keikals, and that eventually was abbreviated to kaik.
And then Louis C.K. goes, do you know the origin of the word nigger?
And they go, no.
And he goes, oh, some guy a long time ago has been a total fucking nigger.
So they just called him a nigger.
Patrice was gufforing before he even got it out.
He just, he knew.
The scream laughing that went on after it was right on the edge of acceptable, which is that's the game.
You want to stand right on the edge of the cliff and just dangle your feet over.
And in any other context, it would have been terrible, but he's saying it to a black guy, and it was just screaming laughing from Patrice, who is black.
Except for at the comedy cellar.
That's hard.
God bless that loyal club.
They will always help good guys like me.
What is that now?
They will always help.
Good guy.
What does that mean?
Now she's a dancer.
I thought you were being Louis C.K., but with a penis hanging out.
Yes.
It hasn't all been perfect, though.
The women in comedy.
They've been treating me.
Women in comedy.
You're not...
This isn't comedy.
So weird.
You'd never believe it.
He doesn't say that.
The women in comedy mostly had his back, if I recall.
It's these amateurs.
You see, there's a thing that happened sort of around 2015 where losers, like the people in the audience you see, like everyone you see in this video except me, wanted to get into comedy.
And it's hard.
It's like wanting to get into skateboarding.
You got to practice and you got to be talented.
But they were just like, make the ramps lower and make it easy, make the wheels bigger.
And so they had all these rules about trans and who can play a woman and what kind of jokes you can do and gays have to be involved and every special.
And they ruined it.
They ruined comedy.
Affirmative action destroyed stand-up comedy.
The only guys that weren't kowtowing were the Legionist Ganks.
But the rest of them were like, okay, let's follow these stupid fucking rules and make our whole set Trump is Hitler, Trump is the devil.
2016 sucked.
On a loop.
And that's what she's doing.
The women in comedy have been treating me so weird.
How weird.
How weird.
I'm not even asking them if I can jerk off in front of them anymore.
It's like.
I don't want to be famous.
It is Sam.
Is this guy bumming out?
Oh, okay.
Oh, to the men in comedy who have overwhelmingly supported me.
Overwhelmingly.
To the good guys.
I hear you.
I see you.
I read your tweets.
And each and every one of you will open for me.
To the unbelievably small amount of women in comedy who are supporting me.
I hear you.
I see you.
And I can't even wait for five years from now for us to be sitting around and for me to do my famously hilarious bit where I jerk off in front of you.
I know you're going to love it.
I'm not registering this as a thing.
It's weird.
It's foreign.
I feel like I'm watching some silly dance they do in Sri Lanka.
That's what you're saying.
Oh, no.
What else I got?
Man, I've just been loving this comeback.
Definitely see you, M. Oh, no.
These guys got it.
And you know, I don't really know what this is, but I'll take whatever stage time I can get.
Wait, does that mean P and CK, do you want to join our cast of Eligible Bachelors?
It's a dating show parody where they step in.
Oh, my God, she's saying she's a comedian parody in the middle of the story.
This is good.
Because I think people should be judged on their merit and specifically artistic merit.
You're a hero and icon.
Get down and suck out of you.
Yeah, I'll suck your dick.
I'll suck your dick.
I'll suck your dick.
I know you are.
That's why he does well.
That was intense, wasn't it?
Now, that's not the only time she's done that.
If this was a normal planet, she'd go, oh, fuck.
I thought it was a funny idea and I got that little fake dick, but oh, well, it didn't take.
And no one's going to crucify you for trying out a joke and failing, especially if you're not funny.
But no, no, this is her most successful character.
Her most successful stint.
Her most successful bit.
She's never done better than this.
And so she keeps doing it.
This is what I was talking about about affirmative action.
This guy's clearly there because he's a raging homosexual and clearly not funny.
And also, he's also jumping on the bandwagon.
Louise, like, right, back up, Brewand.
It's such bullshit.
Thanks for being here, just to remind you, thanks for being here.
We didn't ask for this.
We didn't book this person.
He just shows up.
Just shows up with consent.
Isn't that funny?
Okay.
As previously warned, you might not like this.
So, you know, it's fine.
Look at him.
We already lost one bitch.
Don't worry.
I'll see you.
I'm coming in.
You money.
I'll see you in the bench.
Yeah, girl.
Yes, Miss Thang.
Anyway, speaking of offensive material, just a reminder: if you don't like this, close your eyes.
Plug yours.
Lee, eat your fucking fries, you know, but whatever.
Put your hands together.
He is a sexual predator.
Guilty.
All right, here he is.
It's penis CK.
I just interrupt this whole thing.
Isn't it weird how gays, I guess they're trying to be women, but they're doing this sort of insulting take on women, and it's almost like they're mocking them.
It's kind of a Sambo thing.
They're like wiggers.
But for chicks, chiggers.
No.
Dicks.
Dude being chicks.
Dicks.
Look at her frumpy body.
She's already passed it.
No one wants her.
Famous stand-up comedian slash sex offender.
It's not a sex offender.
Miss DK.
I'm kind of racking my brain right now trying to think of a way you could make this funny.
What?
First things first, she'd probably be able to sound a little bit like him.
Do the mumbling and yeah, she's a cot.
We've been playing standing ovations.
I'm very famous.
All right.
He's obsessed with how famous and rich he is.
I did it.
This is why I'm playing this video because it's such a great example of women saying, you stole all this from us.
And minorities, people of color, whatever, they say, you're only famous because you stole from me.
And now they get their way and we go, okay, get up on stage.
Let's see what you got.
I'm just going to make fun of you and make up lies about you and mock you for things you never did, like brag about being rich.
Oh, okay.
So you're in my shadow.
I got you.
You can read about it in my confession in the New York Times.
I would call it an apology, but I do not seem sorry.
I do not.
He apologized a million times, but he doesn't seem sorry.
I don't think he should have apologized once.
Next thing's next.
What did I do?
Next thing's next.
And then this theatrics.
So I don't know who that is.
You know what I mean?
I think it's because she's fucking nervous on stage.
And that nervousness is a sign from God.
That's nature telling you you don't belong there.
You're having fight or flight instincts because not because of sexism, but because you're not talented.
Get off the fucking stage.
Trust your gut.
Move back home.
Marry Eddie.
I loved master wife.
Is that a crime?
No.
That's right.
It's hard to tell.
Crime if it's not consensual.
Pretty easy.
The law is very explicit on this.
But I know you're going to all love this next only joke.
Definitely what I consider a joke, and I'm a grown man.
This is what I think a joke is.
Who wants to watch me masturbate?
I am asking.
Who wants to watch me masturbate?
I am asking.
I am asking.
He would ask first and pull his dick out and jerk off.
And unfortunately, that detail was told to the entire world.
Now everyone knows his thing.
But in order to mock him and make him sound worse, she changes the story and says he thinks it's a joke.
And then he pulls out his dick and asks as he's beating off.
Like, that's just a dumb lie.
You know what I mean?
Oh, my male fragility is showing.
Who wants to watch me masturbate?
Who are you?
Again, 2.30 in and no jokes.
And isn't that what consent is when you just ask and then start doing it?
Yes.
That's exactly what consent is.
You weren't into this and you were being consensual.
Look at the kind of people that are at comedy clubs now.
They're just gross.
Consensual, then you would leave.
You would leave if you didn't like this.
That's on you.
I'm asking, you guys.
I'm asking.
See, the problem is most New Yorkers think that Louis C.K. got fucked over.
Oh, he's in, they're in Seattle now.
Most people, don't most people think that he got fucked over?
Except really frumpy feminists who moved to New York, which is an elephant's graveyard for ovaries.
Now their ovaries are dead.
They're realizing that they fucked up.
And they're sort of just wandering around like ghosts.
Well, that didn't even take long.
I don't know what anyone is complaining about.
That's the joke.
There's a joke.
But it hasn't all been.
She used that the other time.
So she considers that one of her hits.
Fun and games this past.
It's like she got a bigger dick.
It's been one of the hardest years of my life.
Isn't it ironic that at night she's going to go home, inverse that, and put it inside of herself while she cries about how lonely she is?
Did you all know that I wrote and directed a movie?
Yeah, it's really good.
It's crazy because I hear you saying yes.
That's insane.
It's crazy.
All of you even, I was like, they're saying yes real loud.
Maybe, you know how you could take this?
This is the beauty of art.
Maybe you could see this as she personifies how ridiculous the portrayal of Louis C.K. was.
And she's actually an ally of his.
And when she acts like the way he was portrayed, it looks ridiculous and not funny.
Famous in my movie, the PC Police Williams.
Don't worry, we're not going to watch this whole thing.
Come out.
That is C-U-M.
Come joke.
He gets it.
High-five.
You're very brave.
Did she fly there for this?
That's a very brave man.
I like that.
I get it.
Yeah, she's probably from Seattle.
She was home visiting her folks and thought she'd do some comedy while she's there.
Her dad paid for the ticket because the mom misses her.
And they miss her too because they can tell that she's throwing her life away with this ridiculous pursuit.
I did it, and I know you all would have loved to see it.
I self-titled it, I want to fuck my daughter.
And I never take from my real life.
I'm so sorry.
Okay, that's enough.
So who's doing this?
Who is responsible for this?
Well, her name, as we've said many times, is Kelsey Kane.
Well, let's see how talented she is.
Let's, no, I didn't want to do the bathtub.
Let's show her.
I think she found a dress in the garbage and she thought, I know, hold on a sec.
Follow me around with the camera, and I'm going to put on the dress.
I'll get some white gloves, and I'll pretend that I think I'm going to be Miss New York.
Okay, I can get with that.
If you're not standard beauty, as we said before, she's pretty frumpy.
She's a very solid six, maybe a 5.9.
So you want to work with that.
Now that's kind of hack as a woman to be like the I'm so pretty thing, but I'll take it.
So let's see some jokes.
It's 0.00 o'clock.
Let's see how long it takes to hear any kind of a thing.
Hi, I'm Kelsey King, and I'm competing in the 2017 Miss New York City.
I was honored to be selected.
I was also supposed to...
Hey, get your kid.
Jesus Christ.
Fucking Muslims.
I have no pageant experience, but I have watched Miss Congeniality, and I plan to watch Miss Congeniality 2.
Pause.
That's a world record for her.
24 seconds in, she has a joke.
She's going to watch Miss Congeniality.
Okay.
Many who know me have asked, really?
And it is here, I'd like to officially say, really.
Like, her...
Look at this.
She's mad that a turd is on her.
That must be her state, maybe.
Texas.
No, I don't think it's Texas.
We're on.
That's Texas.
No, it's not.
It is.
We'll see about that.
The competition is broken down into three portions.
An interview, done behind closed doors, a swimsuit portion, done for a crowd, and an evening gown portion, also done for a crowd.
And don't worry, there is no down portion.
The first round.
Like, the way she talks, I understand your joke is very facile.
It could easily be on Nickelodeon.
It's a Nick Jr. joke for eight-year-olds.
But even just the pacing, as she reads, it was just like before when the stand-up where she's like, and that's the thing.
Yay, come.
High five.
He gets it.
Like, your heart's not in it, my dear.
So I think nature knows what you should be doing, but you don't seem to be in touch with it.
Takes place on January 14th.
The finals take place on January 15th with my, sorry, the crowning ceremony taking place later.
Jeez was so half-assed.
This is like a school project in my channel.
But she's either on methadone or she hates this life.
I hope to make new friends, new experiences, and become a real generation.
Well, you already did the store.
Oh, this is a different store.
Wine.
I hope.
That's it.
That's it.
It's done.
That's the whole thing.
Can you fucking believe that?
Like, you couldn't have some slapstick or fall in a puddle or something?
You just wandered around for two seconds.
All right, so this final one.
I don't know why she decided to do this, but she's explaining the nuances of American politics in the bathtub.
So she's explaining the impeachment inquiry.
This is from like last year.
Why is this in the bathtub?
Why does this exist?
I don't know what the big short is.
Oh, the big short.
That was about, I guess there's a scene in the big short where they explain everything from a bathtub.
Right?
That movie was a real fucking pain in the ass.
It's somebody that annoying lib who started Funny or Die with Will, what's his name?
And yes, there was a lot of greedy Wall Street dudes.
The government got together with big business and said, all Hispanics and poor people should have a home.
Oh, stop, stop, stop.
Stop.
They should have a home.
And then that fucks with the market.
You have to earn a home.
You need credit and all that.
But they said, no, no, be much more generous.
So we got in a huge housing bubble and we couldn't sustain it.
The movie starts right there after government and big business got together, which is socialism, basically.
So Adam McKay starts the movie after the socialist shit show where they threw money on the ground and just shows the guys picking up the money.
What were they supposed to do?
You leave money on the ground?
It gets picked up.
I'm not mad at people who pick up money.
I'm mad at people who throw it on the ground.
Okay, so this must be what she's mocking.
I'm the fuck alone.
So here's Margot Robbie in a bubble bath to explain.
Basically, Louis Rainieri's mortgage bonds were amazingly profitable for the big banks.
They made billions and billions on their 2% fee they got for selling each of these bonds.
But then they started running out of mortgages to put in them.
After all, there are only so many homes and so many people with enough jobs to buy them, right?
So the banks started filling these bonds with riskier and riskier mortgages.
Thank you.
And the government allows them.
That way they can keep that profit machine shurning, right?
By the way, that they do a movie that shows about, they do a movie referring to a giant socialist catastrophe and make it all about the banks and big business.
Okay, so that was Margot Roby.
She memorized her lines, great lighting and stuff.
If you're going to do a parody of it, you got to have an angle, like make it dirty in there or something, and you're a slob.
I don't know.
This is just what we just saw, but way uglier and shittier.
How is that a joke?
So basically, the House of Representatives has announced a formal impeachment inquiry against Trump.
But impeaching the president doesn't mean they're removed from office.
When you think impeachment, they charge with crimes.
A whistleblower or someone who exposes illegal activity said that Trump used his presidential power to pressure the president of the Ukraine into investigating Joe Biden and his son.
That's basically interfering with the 2020 election.
So the House.
Thumbskull, you tiny-minded fool.
What a waste of time.
I hope, I pray that someone said, we need someone to explain the impeachment inquiry.
Can you do a parody of Big Short or something?
And she had all of those parameters and she had to do that.
Because if she just did this on her own for fun, we've got a problem here.
Representatives is investigating that.
Then they'll vote to see whether or not Trump committed a crime.
If a majority of the House votes yes, which they most likely will because the House is majority Democrat, then Trump will be impeached.
Once impeached, then the Senate will have a trial.
And if two-thirds of the Senate...
Okay, that's enough.
So, ladies, we respect you, we love you, we think you're sentient, we adore you, we want to spoon you every night.
But you throw that all away to go pursue comedy.
In the case of very talented women, I get it.
In the case of talentless women, you're just watching someone slowly die.
Why did you flush your life down the toilet so you could sit in the bath?
It's just sad.
Talent.
Sad, really.
She would have been a great mom, I bet.
You can be a funny mom, too.
That's the other thing, where they just sort of poo-poo these professions like housewife or tradesman.
I'm not going to be a plumber.
Are you kidding?
I'm creative.
Go design the plumbing system for a skyscraper.
It's very, very creative and you'll make lots and lots of money in a trade.
Get out of school.
Drop out now.
School is evil.
Right, Ryan?
Yes.
I am never going to financially recover from this.
So you think that she had a Texas necklace on in the last one?
A tech neck, yep.
But Texas has a straight part at the top.
That one seemed to have a loopy dedupe.
Let's see.
Chelsea?
No, no, no.
What are you doing?
Go back to the link.
All right.
Well, because I know her.
I've met her.
I don't.
You've met her.
I've met her, yeah.
That doesn't mean you know.
We follow each other.
Well, we spoke.
We know each other.
It's talent.
That one.
Oh, no, that's the bath, is it?
No, I think that's the Miss USA.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm Kelsey King.
Let's get a better look at it.
Hey, I'm Kelsey King.
I know Kelsey.
Kelsey.
That is kind of a Texas name.
Kelsey.
Notice the shit stand in front of the...
Stop.
And it is backwards, by the way, but that still doesn't obscure me.
The tall part is on the...
If you're facing...
Oh, I see.
I was seeing the little loop, and I thought it was part of the thing.
Yeah, that's Texas.
All right, all right.
That's not backwards.
Now that we're doing all of our segments, let's dive into racism.
Okay, racism is the one that we will go to.
So yeah, Asians have been booted out of the visible minority status.
Aren't they visible minorities?
And if you're kicking out people for being successful, that should include Lebanese, East Indian, like Pakistani and people from Lahore, India, Lahore, Pakistan, and Delhi, India.
Sri Lankans, they're all doing better than most whites.
And Africans from Africa do better than whites.
So are they all out?
They've got to be next.
You're going to run out of dudes.
Soon, racism is just going to be about American blacks who were born here.
I'm not joking.
That will be the future.
But we showed this clip already, but we didn't get into it.
We got sidetracked because the chick was hot.
Oh, yeah, we were talking about aliens.
Let's talk.
Progressives declare war on Asians, meritocracy, and STEM.
So let me see the first one.
Too many Asians are succeeding.
That's not fair.
When Asian American parents opposed the school district's plans to enact its new lottery system in late October, you don't have to put lottery in bold and quotes.
Who wrote this?
The school district blasted the parents by stating they were racist and responsible for the toxic culture at the school.
Does this person talk like this, too?
Parents were accused of furthering the Asian supremacy agenda by making their children work so hard their children's achievements were demoralizing African American and Latino students.
Wait, they were making their kids work too hard.
How is that a thing?
You're not allowed to let your kids work too hard?
If you're white and you eat with chopsticks, congratulations, you're a colonizer.
Somebody quoted this and said, This is from someone using a phone on the internet.
Oh, yeah.
You know, blah, blah, blah.
And other things white people invented.
Right.
White men.
So that's that.
I'm glad that's finally out of the bag.
And that was, that was a problem because schools were penalizing Asians.
They were giving blacks scores a boost, colleges, and they were penalizing Asians.
I guess whites got their own scores.
I don't know where whites are and all that.
But if you can say that Asians aren't a minority, then that's no longer racist.
Remember, was it like two episodes ago, we had a thing about there was a category and it was whites and Asians, and then it was minorities.
Whoa.
Do you remember that?
Weird.
Yeah, vaguely.
Yeah, we talked about that the other day.
It's a new category.
Oh, yeah, and then Indians are Asian too.
And so we're in Britain, people say that.
We don't really see that here.
Can we just go back to all the old names?
Pakistan.
Packy was derogatory, but at least you knew what people were talking about.
Oriental, at least I can picture it.
When you say Asia, it's kind of a large place.
That's all we have for racism.
Let's get into our next segment, Election Gate.
We're really powering through them today.
What a yo-yo ride this fucking Election Gate shit is.
Now, I don't have this in the notes, but Trump, the left was gobbling this up.
Trump said, yeah, yeah, you can start working on a transition.
And that was seen as conceding.
But I think he was just, I think the woman in charge of it was getting death threats.
And he said, fine.
If you guys end up winning, you can start putting your ducks in a row now.
I don't think you're going to win.
I'm not giving up by any means.
But my friend Robbie sent me this.
What was it?
MSNBC.
Or MSN?
Trump went along with Biden's transition only after AIDS told him he didn't have to admit he lost.
That's a funny way of putting it.
But I thought this was interesting.
My friend Robbie sent me this.
It's on One American News with Greg Kelly.
I was on that show once.
He just kept asking me if Prowboys were racist, which is like, why did I fucking...
I don't have time for that shit.
That's below me.
But this dude is a Democrat who worked with Bill Clinton.
And he said some interesting stuff here.
If you look at around 2138, it's on their player.
2138.
Dick Morris joins us, presidential political strategist.
He helped make Bill Clinton governor Clinton and helped make him a two-term president.
Dick Morris, the legend, welcome back.
And check out dickmorris.com.
A lot of great content up there.
Dick, how are you?
Great.
Good to be here with you, Greg.
Thank you.
You do a radio show on air.
But now that you brought it up, the Greg Kelly podcast is available wherever podcasts are.
You smoke cigars and scream all morning.
You're cursed.
It's terrific.
I loved it.
Sorry, I know I told you 25 minutes.
And yeah, thank you very much for being so generous with your time.
Fascinating stuff, by the way.
And so is this.
We've got some data.
I think you've come up with this.
Let's put Phoenix up on the screen.
Well, tell us a little bit before we actually look at Phoenix what you noticed in terms of voter turnout and population increase.
There was a huge increase in turnout in the key Democratic cities in these swing states that are now being litigated.
For example, in Phoenix, there were 48% more votes cast in 2020 than in 2012.
Now, the population of Phoenix did rise by 14% in that period, but there were 48% more votes.
We're seeing a lot of that.
It grew by 9%, and there were 30% more votes.
In Detroit, where there was no population gain whatsoever, in fact, there was a little loss, somehow 50,000 more people voted, a 10% increase.
And the only way that that increase can be found is by ballot stuffing.
The non-democratic cities didn't realize that kind of a gain.
And even cities like New York and Chicago that were not in swing states didn't realize that kind of a gain.
It was pure ballot stuffing with absentee and mail-in ballot.
It's pretty wild.
And again, the passion for Obama, I mean, look, people, he was a charismatic guy.
A lot of people liked him, even people who disagreed with him.
They just, there's not that passion for Joe Biden.
Let's face it.
Is it possible, you know, surprising to me, but there are people who don't like Donald Trump that somehow that spiked the turnout, or is that ridiculous?
No, no, sure it did.
But that's why there were 150 million people voting this year and only 135 million voted last time.
But in these particular cities, in these particular states, where Biden won by 80,000 in one state or 20 in another state, these kind of spikes in turnout are indicative of ballot stuffing.
They're indicative of the secretary.
It's good, though.
But I have a feeling that we'll have all of this circumstantial evidence and no smoking gun, but we don't know.
But go to 26 in that interview.
He says the judges might be too scared.
Now, what's her name?
The new chick said, no, I'm not scared of shit.
I don't care how people react to how I enforce the law.
I enforce the law.
But he was saying, I think the judges might avoid overturning the election because they don't want the courts to be responsible for riots.
26.
Harrisburg.
And that's an equal protection argument.
I'm convinced they'll prevail on that.
But the problem, Greg, is what do you do about it?
Do you throw out the whole election because of it?
It's going to be hard to do.
Do you throw out the ballots that were conceivably illegal because they were after a deadline or there weren't Republicans?
Well, you can, but then you're throwing the election into the House of Representatives.
And I think the Supreme Court may be institutionally incapable of doing that.
It's one of the points I made in the podcast With you, that the judges care about the court more than they do about the election.
And they don't want the court to be the object of everybody rioting and demonstrating and going crazy, and the Democrats trying to pack it.
And they may well want to keep the court out of harm's way.
Well, Amy Coney Barrett made a big point about how that's not supposed to be her concern.
They're not supposed to worry about stuff like that.
Okay.
And then you say, can I just see, can we see the Kraken on crack, please?
And 18, we get evidence of fraud.
Yay!
Giuliani's got evidence.
Let's see what he's got.
You want evidence of fraud?
In 70% of Wayne County, Detroit, there were phantom voters.
There were more votes than registered voters.
120%, 150%, 200%, even 300%.
And you go, okay, that's huge.
But then you have the lamestream media spinning everything and saying, no, no, no, he didn't mean that.
Giuliani said he exaggerated a little bit when he said there were more votes than citizens in Detroit after Trump made the claim part of his failed bid to overturn election defeat.
This might be Trump misinterpreting the data.
Go down.
So he said what he just said.
And then Trump, look at the picture they used of Giuliani.
In Detroit, there are far more votes than people.
Nothing can be done to cure that giant scam.
So in several counties in Detroit, there were more votes than registered voters.
No one has said there was more votes than there are people in Detroit.
When it gets interpreted that way, Giuliani goes, no, that's not what I meant.
And then Daily Mail, Murdoch, the Lambstream Media uses that to nullify the entire statement and all of the evidence.
No, no, Giuliani never said there was more votes than voters.
That was an exaggeration.
He took it back.
No, he explained your misinterpretation of what he said.
He said in several counties in Detroit.
And there's no doubt in my mind that there was massive fraud going on in Detroit.
The only question that remains is, will there be enough evidence?
Will the justice have enough balls?
And will it be enough to overturn an election or go in Trump's favor?
Put up that pick of that Salem tweet.
59 counties in Georgia rejected zero mail-ins.
Again, this is all circumstantial, folks.
Rejected zero mail-in ballots.
Not 0% rounded to the nearest decimal.
Zero total.
How many counties?
Nine?
59.
59 counties in Georgia rejected zero mail-in ballots.
All right, now for another segment as we power through these segments.
Yesterday was the heavy shit show.
Tuesdays are the fun party show, you guys.
Let's go to the mailbag.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together to mailbag.
Let me touch it.
I'm just checking this for rampant.
See, people say I should read the letters first, but that kind of kills the surprise.
I want us to go through the mail together.
True.
What's happening, King and Queen of the Fag Zone?
I was chatting to my old man the last day, the last day, from Wales, and we discussed the inner circle about Hitler and all that.
Won't drag you in too much, but I asked him why the hate on Jews and all this anti-Semite shit.
Maybe we're from a bum fuck town that never hears the reasons, but we have no fucking clue.
We saw it as a joke a few times, and Borat, when he dressed up as a Jew, was too funny.
Is it that they own the media?
They're stingy?
This guy's spelling and grammar, by the way, is shocking.
That's fucking hilarious, by the way.
Don't gas him.
We're just not sure.
My old man got a beak on him.
We've never heard a Jew reference.
Well, there is a disproportionate number of people who identify as Jewish in the media.
They do tend to have higher IQs, and media and writing tend to attract people.
There are also a disproportionate number of Jews in medicine.
However, there does seem to be, in the lamestream media I'm talking about, there does seem to be a disproportionate number of people who put their names in brackets.
You've got to tread lightly with this subject in America for obvious reasons.
But I always say to people, anti-Semites, those are ginos.
They don't really read the Torah.
the last couple days across social media.
There's been a lot of misinformation and speculation thrown out there.
What's a shit fight?
Gross fight.
We've had quite the little shit fight.
Your continued support for Black Rifle Coffee.
We've been in quite a little shit fight the last couple days across.
Quite a little shit fight?
Been in quite a little shit fight the last couple days across social media.
Yep.
I never heard that before.
There's been a lot of misinformation.
Knuckles covers speculation thrown out there.
So I wanted to get the facts straight with you guys.
Ready.
Number one, did we sponsor Kyle Rittenhouse?
The answer is no.
The reason for that, and the reason why I think it's important, is that we're not in the business of profiting from tragedy.
We're not in the business of profiting from this event.
We have zero interest in collecting $1 from any of this.
It is ethically inappropriate for us to do so or even give the perception.
So why did we come out and say that?
I wanted to make sure everybody knew we would not profit from this.
That's fair.
Okay.
So number two, did we separate our Blaze Media marketing contract because of that?
No, we had a series of discussions with Blaze because there was a promotional code attached to an image of this.
We said, we do not want to be associated with profiting from this.
Same thing I just said.
We don't want to be associated with profiting from this.
Can you please remove it?
But our marketing relationship with the Blaze, we've had that for two years.
Nothing changed with it.
We believe in what they put out.
We believe in that relationship.
Number three, we believe in the Constitution, the Second Amendment, the right to bear arms.
We also believe that a person is innocent until proven guilty.
Black Rifle Coffee has been around for five years.
We have over 400 people.
55% of those people are veterans.
We've been able to do a lot in a limited amount of time.
So we've raised over and given back over a million dollars.
Is that a base?
Our loyalty to the veteran community and the people that love America has never wavered.
We will not waver.
We will not deter from our mission to hire and support the veteran community and uphold the Constitution.
You're forgiven.
Ryan, please don't fade me out tomorrow night.
I have an idea.
Oh my God, it's Lighthouse Tom.
I have an idea that we'll garner lots of donations for the charities and we'll pitch it on the call on Epi, okay?
Just don't even answer the phone.
Dear Gavin, Ryan was having a deep, profound discussion with a friend the other night and wanted to get your take.
Is it still gay if you fuck or get a beach from another dude but don't come?
Yep.
Thanks.
I'd like to say I like you more than a friend, but I think it'd be awkward right now, so I like your new sunglasses.
They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.
All you need to know about them is this fucking person in this position in a coffee company.
What?
And what's her job?
Sandy Garner.
Vice President of People and Culture at Black Rifle Corporation.
Vice President of People and Culture.
The fuck does that mean?
She's credentialed in several fields of human resources and have over 20 years of experience advising teams and executing HR projects and initiatives.
That sounds like such a waste of money.
The problem is you get sued if you don't have these people, these HR people.
So I talked to a guy in HR and I go, I fucking hate you.
Every business is better off with no HR.
And he goes, true.
I'm totally open to that.
But when you get sued, when these people say that you grab their ass, if you don't have an HR department, you're toast.
So we're in this.
It's like lawyers.
Everyone hates lawyers.
But what do you do when you get sued?
You call a lawyer.
New soundboard clip.
Courtesy of the Donald.win.
Don't forget to go to...
I'm a cock or whatever, a bald cock.
Nah.
Thanks for trying, though, Cassie.
Lots of checks writing in today.
Hey, Gary.
Oh, that's Gary, so I don't touch that.
You go through all these for Gary's, right?
Yes.
Sup, G-Dog.
Does your legendary da keep up with what's going on in Scotland or the UK?
If you can get him on the show to talk about it, get him to say how much he doesn't even like Ryan.
He's a legend.
I want to hear how to stay in the Union.
I could try calling him now.
Should we do that?
Sure, sure.
Let's call Jummy.
See you, Jum.
See you.
Hanging's too good for you.
Yeah, we bastard.
You fucking bastard.
Somebody's pitching a feminism graphic.
Are we interested?
Or are we interested?
Alright, let's load this puppy up.
How long is it?
Eight seconds.
Yo, wake up America.
It's time to talk about feminism today.
Yeah.
Does that spell on feminism?
Wake up America.
I guess influenza.
Because it's your head.
Oh, on feminism.
Because your head is more of a circle than a eye.
So it's an on-feminism.
Hey, Dad.
Oh, hi, buddy.
How you doing?
I'm nice.
Everything is wonderful.
I'm just recording my show here, and someone's asked as a question for you.
Okay.
Does your legendary da keep up with what's going on in Scotland or the UK?
I'd love to hear how he feels about the state of the shit hole.
Well, I feel that Scotland is...
Scotland is no longer what it was.
The problem now is that Scotland has become, it's anything, a very socialist country.
Did you walk away from the phone?
I'm sorry?
Did you walk away From the phone, walk away from the phone.
The phone?
Did you walk away from the phone?
No, no, I've got your own speaker.
Okay, well, I can't hear you as well.
Okay, so the problem with Scotland now is a very socialist country.
And I read somewhere that more than 50% of Scots people are employed by some level of government or other.
Well, when manufacturing died, it just became welfare central, right?
Well, yes.
And, you know, at one time, Hillman made, opened a car factory in Scotland because the labor was cheaper, and the labor's cheaper because housing costs are cheaper than in England.
But then the unions demanded parity with the English workers.
So I always said, what's the point of his going there then?
And withdrew.
Wasn't Grandpa McInnes a fervent communist?
I would say he was certainly a socialist.
A very, very strong socialist.
But he had a curious, he had a curious dichotomy, you see, because he was a union leader.
But he had no respect for the men.
He thought they were stupid and lazy.
And he had no respect for management because he felt they were abusing the workers.
It reminds me of that saying, it is not hard to distinguish between a beautiful sunset and a Scotsman in a bad mood.
Sounds like he hated everyone.
And then didn't he, with his union, make it so expensive for the newspapers to print there that they just shut down?
He killed his own industry.
Exactly.
Well, he was part of it.
He was part of it, you know.
What happened was it was really Fleet Street that died.
They kept demanding, unions kept demanding all kinds of things.
One of the demands was if a newspaper closes, then the remaining newspapers are obliged to hire the workers from the paper that closed.
What if there's no positions available?
Well, did you sit there then?
Did you see in the news recently the Scottish, whatever it is, their fake government, police there are talking about a law where if your relative is saying something racist at the dinner table, you call the police and the Scottish police will come by and arrest the offending parent.
Oh, you know, the guy who heads up the justice ministry, okay, is a Muslim.
And he was complaining that there's too many white people in the government.
Scotland is predominantly white, so no wonder there's a lot of white people in the government.
Well, thank God you guys moved, because if the things you say at dinner, if I called the cops in Scotland, you'd probably be doing life.
You'd probably get the electric chair.
Okay, I'll call you when we're done the show.
Take care.
My dad.
We should get him regularly doing Skypes.
You know?
Do we need a bumper?
Yeah.
Jimmy's 10 cents.
Jimmy's 10 pence.
2020 has been shite, but I always knew it would end in tears.
A joke for the dads.
T-I-E-R-S.
Thank you, my dear.
Hi, homos.
The first ever.
Three subsequent video drops in one fucking clip.
All of these would be perfect for the show.
They start at 345.
You really made the world a better place, didn't you, Fag?
Now that the world is going to be run peacefully.
That was really good.
I remember George Clooney has a speech just like that, where he says, we're naive?
Yeah, I guess we are naive.
I guess we're the ones who...
And then he talks about the chick who was in, the black chick who has been gone with the wind, and they gave her the first award, and no one had done anything nice to black people before Hollywood came along.
And it's just a long speech about how good he is.
They are.
I think it's the third one there.
What does that say?
Ladies and gentlemen, please walk.
2006, I think it was before all of the man who George Clooney speech.
Naive.
It's a funny thing about winning an Academy Award, this will always be sort of synonymous with your name from here on in.
It'll be black actress.
Oscar winner George Clooney.
Go.
Sexiest Man Alive, 1997.
What's her name again?
Hattie McDaniel.
Yeah, let's see what he says there.
Hattie McDaniel.
Where the fuck did I put it?
Shit, sorry.
George Clooney, naive.
Hattie McDid.
He was really angry.
Ah, fuck.
I can't find it.
Maybe we'll have to leave that to our guys.
George Clooney's speech.
Hollywood.
He was defending Hollywood and actors and stuff.
That was sort of the beginning of when they were becoming the laughingstock.
They're all the laughingstock now, right?
We all agree with that.
George Clooney's amazing speech at the 70s.
Don't win.
And then you are a loser.
I just remember her saying, you know how to whistle, Steve?
Just put your lips together.
Very good year.
I couldn't be more proud of that.
Today was an extraordinary day.
Okay, we'll find it later on.
He's one of my.
I'm going to do an all the celebrities I hate list because there's quite a list, and it's not rational.
It's sort of like the church ladies.
Like, I despise Common, the rapper.
I despise Alan Cumming.
Jeremy Piven makes my blood boil.
I just can't even look at them.
George Clooney, yeah.
I don't hate him.
It doesn't exist in my mind.
Mark Ruffalo, he's obviously just an animal.
Like, he's like a little dog, but they put a dog's brain in a human body.
And I hate him, but it's not passionate.
I love laughing at him.
He cracks me up.
So I should put that together because I'm surprised myself at the list.
There's no rhyme or reason to it.
Alan Cumming?
Why do I give a shit about him?
But I want to strangle him.
I fucking hate his face.
And he's Scottish too.
He's one of us.
All right, let's do one more letter.
This guy's got an unfortunate name.
Last name is Gross Man.
Oh, no, it's Goss.
Sorry.
He's resending a letter because it didn't go through.
Hello, dear Gavin.
I guess he wants to talk about my wife.
Why should Trump voters confederate with Indians?
Indians voted almost unanimously for Biden.
It was a massive turnout for indigenous peoples against Trump.
Germans love Indians.
In fact, with my wife's tribe, one of the few groups that was working hard to preserve their language was Germans.
Why should Trump voters confederate with Indians?
Because Indians are more decent neighbors than masses of immigrants.
They care for the land.
Where are you getting all this from?
And can be a good part of an international confederation of landowners.
They don't give a shit about the land anymore.
They can help to overcome big money by taking over Wall Street and using it for the land and the people.
Is this guy eight years old?
They're good for terraforming and are willing to learn and basically respect entrepreneurs.
Boy, you sure know you're Indians.
A truthful attitude of Trump voters would contain list of terror details and will to stop it.
More land, which is not so big problem because of new land terraforming with desulted.
What the fuck is this guy?
Jesus Christ.
So weird.
And then he's writing about my wife telling her, how about asking all First Nations if they like a democratic coup where they change?
He wants my wife to lead a walkaway thing in the Indian movement.
No, thank you.
Okay, here's something.
Please do not use my name due to the sensitivity of the email.
I could be sued by Black Rifle Coffee Company.
I am not trying to give you a homework assignment here, but your buddy may want this information.
He can research this himself.
BRCC is a bunch of sellouts.
Their VC is a group out of Chicago named Sterling Partners.
The group is extremely left-wing.
Ryan, you should be pulling up this, not looking for George Clooney.
Example, they lend their jets to the Clintons, Kerry, Bernie, etc.
BRCC wants to go public.
They hired the CFO from Overstock.com, Gregory J. Iverson.
Give him a Google as well.
Case 219 CV00709-DAC, D-A-K.
I'm in the process of taking a company public.
No chance they can get past the SEC or the NASDAQ with this guy as the CFO.
I could go on for a short novel.
So I'm supposed to look up...
Who's this guy?
Gregory J. Iverson.
All right.
So that's something to look up on your own, folks, if you really give a shit about a coffee company.
Oh, look, someone did a feminism one.
Oh, is that the hand-drawn guy?
Nope.
Oh, this looks pretty good, Ryan.
All right.
Opening attachment.
We may have a winner here.
We may.
There is no female sword because there is no female.
Jack the Ripper.
Give me a girl with a slender wisdom.
But till then, we got some stuff of feminism.
Great.
The final graphic is a little jarring.
And no, it's a little badly cut out.
But that animation was awesome.
Huh.
That's a great point.
There's no female Mozart because there's no Jack the Ripper.
See, there is a Jack the Ripper.
We have more geniuses and more morons.
We have a wider...
What?
What did you just ask?
There is a Jack the Ripper, not a female Jack the Ripper.
Oh, right, yeah, yeah.
Okay, folks.
That's the show.
We're ready to wrap it up.
Only two show notes today because we did such a long green screen.
So that's only $50.
Let me just sign them right now.
I'll be stunned.
I mean, what do you do?
Do you frame it?
Is it framed?
Like, what about this one?
Is this framed?
I probably wouldn't sell that one.
Okay, let's do it.
Doesn't he kind of sound foreign?
There's like a foreign tinge in there.
Really?
That's a good trick.
Did you see what Mike D was doing at the end there?
You put your arm around your buddy, you have an open beer, and when it's near his face, you just go chimp.
Yeah, those are those.
I don't know if...
Would that work for modern beer cans?
Yeah, why not?
Yeah, I guess so.
The beer cans in the 80s are still pretty modern.
You're thinking of like the 70s.
Yeah, where they were just like a, there was like a strong enough to crunch them.
So this is a guy.
I think he's from Boston.
But he's living for some reason in China.
I don't get how.
I lived in China.
It sucks.
I don't get how anyone could do it.
Like for any length of time.
The Shanghai Shaqs, my favorite Chinese basketball team, stop serving booze at the arena this season.
Boyah!
Sangha Pijo, Iga Panta?
No!
Sangha Pijo?
Mayo Shman?
I don't want a mixing of water.
I want a mixing three beers in a fantasy.
I was devastated, but I wasn't about to start watching the game sober.
So at the next one, I taped a bunch of beers to my stomach to determine just how serious they were about the alcohol ban.
No?
How do you get this off?
I wrapped this like five times.
I don't know how to get this off.
Hold up.
Do you guys have like scissors?
Wouldn't be scared to do that.
Turns out pretty soon.
Yes.
Which meant if I was...
Shanghai is still mainland China.
I'd have to be a little more creative.
So I ordered veterinarian syringes, bought a bunch of fruits and vegetables, and injected them full of vodka.
Nice.
This piece of fruit is not going to shut off the mel detector that the shark does.
Alright, so it turns out they have a no outside food policy, which means most of my fruit was just confiscated at security.
Shiguel.
No, I need my vegetables.
I have a medical condition, but I was able to shove a green pepper down my pants, and all I got to do is bite a little hole in the top, bring up the Panta.
And this probably has like at least like six nips worth of vodka.
Drinking vodka out of a vegetable.
Quite honestly, it's pathetic, but it works.
Isn't quite as enjoyable as drinking beers.
I can only think of one way to smuggle them in.
Drinking water.
Actually, that's Boston, right?
Really one beer.
Yeah, that sounds like Boston, yeah.
A beer in each breast.
That's right.
I went to the game in full drag because it just so happens two boobs and the baby are the perfect cover for smuggling three beers into a basketball game.
I can't tell if I'm sweating my tits off or if just one of the beers is leaking.
And that's why my tits are sweating.
Watch the rest of my Doc Shot video on BarstoolSports.com and the Wanton Dawn YouTube page.
So that looks cool.
What an awesome guy.
He's being brave.
And that's what we always say on this show.
You need to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
So let me die.
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