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Sept. 16, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
28:41
GOML LIVE #59 - LIVE FROM ATLANTIC CITY (Part 1)
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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McInnis. it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McInnis.
Are you recording now?
Good boy.
I want to make it clear that co-workers can go on a secret vacation to, say, Atlantic City, and it's clearly not a date.
It's guys taking a break.
Guys who have a company together, right?
Yeah.
Who are hanging out, and fucking kicking ass and kicking me?
What's that gate?
I don't even, actually don't even get the whole concept of, like, that gate.
Right.
Like, you know, in the 50s, you know, you saw that movie, The Irishman, Joe Pesci and De Niro, they go around, they're partying, they're like, combing each other's hair, and they're not gay.
Right.
How is this gay?
That we secretly left our, my family and your whatever, non-family, and went and hid in Atlantic City and played golf and gambled.
That's a great point.
The only problem with this vacation is Ryan crying himself to sleep every night.
Because I'm like, why are you sad?
I'm afraid to mention that.
Let me turn off the, uh... Kill the bubbles, man.
Kill the bugs.
Okay.
Alright, so we're doing a show here.
I'm here.
I hope people don't see my pee in this.
Are you naked?
Yeah.
Oh, you're not?
No.
Why?
'Cause I think that'd be strange.
Isn't it more a game to hide your penis and balls from me?
Maybe.
Now that you mention it.
Yeah, I don't care about my penis and balls.
I do.
I'll hit them in your face.
I'll hit them in your mother's face.
Your feet are touching mine.
That's terrible.
That's part of the joke.
Oh, let's go.
That's why we're in a tiny bathtub.
That's why it's funny.
The worst.
No splashing soup.
Right?
That's the joke.
Alright, so we're going to do GYML Live.
We obviously can't take calls.
We had some trouble with shows this week.
So we put up Monday.
We pre-recorded a Tuesday mailbag.
It did not work because Ryan didn't send it to the cloud.
He brought it to his home.
Which is just north of the Bronx.
And north of the Bronx is a dead zone.
So we can't get to his computer.
Because we're out in Atlantic City.
We could drive back.
Power outages.
But we don't respect you enough to drive back.
Are these stirrups?
I think this is how you... John Lennon apparently stayed here during a movie.
Don't show that.
You could have just left the briefs on.
I don't understand why the naked part is so important.
Well, now you have to dry that shit and we're leaving tomorrow morning.
That's fine.
I'll throw these underwears away.
I mean, as far as the... Throw these underwears away?
Yeah.
I have underwear under the swim trunks because the netting bothers my genitals.
And I'll just dry the swim trunks.
The netting doesn't bother your jandals?
No.
This is the lie of your generation.
No.
You people wear underwear with your bathing suit.
I don't usually do that, but this is like an old-fashioned one.
There's a hand-me-down from I don't even know who, and it's rough.
You wouldn't like this.
It's rough.
Oh, it's sandpaper on your dick.
I wouldn't say sandpaper.
So someone built a bathing suit that corrodes a bag.
Yeah, there's plenty of room for innovation when they made this.
No, that's not fucking true!
I'll tell you what's going on.
Your generation, your people... I thought you were going to say my genitals.
...are so paranoid that someone looks at your fucking dick, which is gay by the way, that you wear underwear so no one sees the contours of your penis.
- The same way you're playing with your faggot hair right now. - I'm just kicking it back. - So you see that Joe Biden thing?
If my dick shows up in the stream, keep in mind that it's quite cold.
We've had this water prepared for an hour.
Yeah, and where'd the bubbles go?
How did you eradicate them?
Turned the bubbles on.
I know you're filming, sir, but is there a way to achieve a beer year?
Let's throw some code names, because everybody's anonymous. 13.
Are gay lovers?
No, definitely not that.
Everyone we're with here is gay.
That's not true.
We're at a gay secret resort.
No, we're not.
I don't know why you'd want to put that up.
But, uh, is that a full beer?
Is that a... Is there... Can you... All right, let's do the news.
In the news today, Beirut, So when I saw Beirut blow up, which looked like a nuclear explosion, I went, oh shit!
And I did something we all do in the West, where we put our brains in other cultures brains, and we go, oh, if you had a Hiroshima, In your country, like, say, Iowa had a Hiroshima.
We'd go, well, that can't be a mistake.
That must be some major fuckin' problem.
No.
Arabs are retarded.
So, what they did was, they were storing ammonium nitrate to the tune of this entire hotel.
It was, uh, the Unabomber?
Oh, no, no, uh... Unabomber levels!
Actually, the exact same amount.
Because this killed 100 people.
I don't know how much Timothy McVeigh killed.
I think he may have killed 800 people?
Weren't the numbers that he used 2 tons and then this explosion was like 200 tons or something like that?
You know what I think about, like, Timothy McVeigh just did it in an afternoon.
This had been there for 6 years.
And the inspectors went, ah, you're going to blow up all of Beirut.
This is really bad.
And they go, ah, I think we're good.
Wasn't that the exact quote?
You're going to blow up all of Beirut?
Yeah, the exact quote was, you're going to blow up all of Beirut.
Ow.
And, uh... You turn off the jets, please.
Alright, so there's that.
And so, have we explained why there's no show?
We did.
You fucked up.
Yep.
Should I apologize?
I'm sorry.
Now, I don't think apologies mean anything.
That's a good point.
Like, why apologize?
It's... If it happens again, that's bad.
If you just learn from it, that'll be good.
I see Censored.tv as a machine, as like a horse.
So, the fact that you didn't upload this is like a broken foot on the left horse leg.
Right.
But it can heal.
Oh, we gotta bandage that up.
Yeah, that's about it.
I can rehabilitate.
I'm not out for the count.
Down for the count?
Is there another beer I can get?
Uh, let me see.
Should I holler?
Is it gay that we're sharing the same beer?
Oh, I can text.
Yeah.
I mean, there's a lot of gay things already in play, and I just don't want that to be a thing.
So, I feel like if I started a beer and I gifted it to you, that's fine, but if we're just going back and forth, that's very weird.
It's just my thing.
Okay, let's also go through the news.
Um, what else do we have going on?
We have, uh, uh, the Seattle, Washington, um, governor did very well in the elections.
He nailed it.
He got 51% of the votes.
So this is during CHOP, during CHAZ, the guy fucking, what are you doing?
Texting beer.
Texting beer.
The guy did amazing.
That's shocking to me.
How the fuck did Seattle's governor, Washington's governor, do well and win 51% of the votes during CHOP and CHAZ and all this shit?
It was only two Democratic candidates too.
There was no Republican choice.
Really?
Didn't I hear that?
Yeah.
Thumbs up on that?
Is that true?
Yeah.
He doesn't know.
There was only two.
There was ten, like, uh... I think there were 35.
...candidates total, and then it was just down to two Democrats.
Um, can we light the, uh, jets again?
Because my dick is... Do the bubbles just come out?
Or do you have to add, like, bubble bath?
I added bubble bath.
But the jets kick it up.
Oh, okay.
I have that annoying bubble thing in my swim shorts.
So yeah, that is weird.
And so in Seattle, Trump is completely gone, though, right?
I feel like with you, Ryan, though, like, your job is politics, right?
Right.
So you... The fact that I laughed at that.
You have to pretend to care.
I don't really care.
No, I do.
I find it fascinating.
Now I do.
Like me and Tony, right?
Tony at Censored TV.
Uh-huh.
We have kids, we're worried about taxes, we're worried about the future of the country.
Like, you were living in a youth hospital before I met you.
I don't think you really care about politics.
Sure I do.
I talk about politics to all sorts of people.
And, uh, I care.
I care.
Here's things I care about.
I care about a lot of the social things, like the cultural, uh, things, like ways it impacts people that don't know about politics.
That's where I'm coming at it from.
Like, as a person who isn't politically, hasn't been politically engaged all my life, if it's affecting my life, like I get in trouble for saying this, I'm gonna get fired for saying that.
Then it's, or like comedians.
That's what got me into it in the first place.
I'm like, that guy lost his job because he said, you know, this word, or whatever.
That's when it starts to affect my life and I have to Well, I like comedians.
I think I relate to people who do comedy, but I'm not a comedian, as we've seen from my Imperial Guitar stand-up.
Why don't you do your bit that you did?
I don't want to do that.
Do it.
Which one?
There's so many.
All caps.
Oh, that's the worst one?
Okay.
So, my dad, you know, he's a Japanese guy, so when he writes, like, a letter to me, A letter.
So is it a pen?
Yeah.
You mean an email?
No, no, no.
This was when he used to write me letters.
Oh.
And so he just does all caps because he didn't learn lowercase and all that.
So it's pretty easy.
Instead of learning the lower caps and all that, it's all caps.
So when you're reading it, it sounds like he's just yelling.
Sounds like the kind of lazy guy who would just fuck a Puerto Rican hairdresser.
Get her pregnant and then go, oh, something wrong with that.
And then just like fly to LA.
He said nothing wrong with that.
Because he was like, I didn't do anything wrong.
And uh, do you want to go to the beach?
That's the big punchline.
Are you playing with your testicles?
No, I'm drying my butthole.
I can't believe I'm in the same... You know, I thought it was just gonna be you in the tub, so I was gonna piss in the tub.
And then tell you that... I don't care.
No, it's not fun, but...
It's just really ammonia.
And then have everybody here pee in the tub and then tell you afterwards?
But then I'm glad it didn't because... This is not shit.
Okay, so let me try your joke.
Right.
So my dad is an immigrant.
And immigrants are cool.
You know, they built this country.
They're good at their job.
They fuckin' came in here and kicked ass and took names.
I think they had a civil war.
Didn't they get all the land from the Indians?
They did a good job.
They did a good job.
But my dad's from Japan and he's a lazy piece of shit who is not around for me.
And what he does is he doesn't understand uppercase lowercase.
Which is kind of a big deal.
It's kind of a big deal.
I'm actually getting insecure about this bit as I do it.
I'm with you.
So he texts me and he goes, we should go to the beach.
But he does it in all caps.
So it's WISH I'm going to the beach!
And it gets to Pearl Harbor levels where I'm scared.
I'm scared for myself.
I'm scared for my family.
And he goes, we will have a good time!
And I get nervous that I'm being kidnapped.
And then I realize I'm dealing with a fucking... That's not bad, that's not bad.
The delivery of the actual voice, I'd say... Thank you.
If I see Dick, I think that they can.
So, if you could be the judge on that.
Where if you see genitals, maybe kick around.
That's why I came on.
You saw my genitals?
Yeah.
Okay, so keep in mind how cold it is in the water.
It's not representational.
No, but you hate.
So we can't take calls.
We are dealing with... Would you mind if I went like this?
Go ahead.
Sure, make yourself at home.
You're the boss.
We're dealing with a guy who lives north of the Bronx, and all his data is stuck in a thing where even if we could call someone and say, get that show off the scene... It'd be terrible.
They need...
They need power and they need internet.
Right.
And also my fish tank is, there's a heater and a filter.
Oh, are your baits dead?
No, they're very hardy.
They'll live.
I guess my text went unanswered.
But yeah, that definitely is a problem.
But they're good episodes.
The Mailbag 1 and 2.
And then Thursday's gonna be really good.
That is the...
We can tease it, right?
We can mention it.
So what we recorded was a Monday Mail Diary?
Seen a lot of dick?
Not a lot, but...
Maybe we should do a straight guy blowjob.
That's never been done.
I don't understand the value of that.
It might be funny.
Let's do this as a bit.
It might be.
Like you blow me, kidding.
And I'll be like, what the?
This is so stupid.
I'm just saying, what's the give and take?
This is so retarded.
Let's say it is really funny.
What are we sacrificing to get to that?
We're making fun of the whole everyone has to be gay thing.
So you blow me.
Is that a thing?
Right?
And I'll be like, this is so stupid.
And then you could be like, what am I even doing?
And then after the third hour, we both go, we're stopping this.
This is ridiculous.
That's a lot of time.
This is a joke.
Neither of us enjoyed this.
I'd just like to ask you, what other type of joke goes for three hours?
Did you fart?
No, that was no fart.
But they're off.
The jets are off.
And it stinks.
I swear to God I didn't knock first.
Are you serious?
I swear on my children's life.
Alright, so we got the Beirut thing.
What other news items should we discuss?
Kill the news.
It's not going very well.
So the news has... I know what I can talk about.
So we're sitting at a hotel in an undisclosed location, possibly Atlantic City.
We gambled last night with this fucking asshole who has this... His arrogance is unprecedented.
So he goes, here's 200 bucks.
Put it in the vending machine because we can only do vending machines.
And he goes, keep pushing the $100 one for 40 times And then push the $2,000 one, and we're all going to get rich.
Right.
And I go, well, that sounds great.
So I do it.
This is your first time doing slots?
Yes.
Right.
22, 23, 24.
And I get to 40, and then I hit the $2,000 thing.
You lost.
You just lost all your money.
And he's like, he doesn't even go, oh shit, I'm wrong.
Because he's a sales guy.
You've got to warm him up.
He says.
Hey, we'll do it again.
And so I spent like $400 making $73.
Yeah.
And he's like, we won!
I fucking hate casinos.
Thanks.
Is it just one?
And here's my other problem with the guys we're staying with.
Thanks.
The fucking showers.
Like, the guy filming right now, he will have a shower for 40 minutes.
Like, I don't even think our systems with our boilers and everything are designed for that.
But he'll watch, he has a waterproof phone, he'll watch YouTube videos.
I do that too.
You do that too?
It's a great time.
To do it, to watch YouTube videos.
Because you're not going anywhere.
That's so self indulgent.
But I don't use shampoo.
I don't give a fuck.
So you'll sit there and you'll watch like what, a 20 minute video?
No, no.
With water on it?
I'll just listen to... Like where's the phone?
You prop it up in the soap holder or something like that.
Or you put it on the sink next to the shower.
Right?
He's trying.
And you're watching a video in a soap holder.
I listen.
Do you watch?
I listen.
I'm a listener when it comes to the shower.
How long will that go for?
Normal shower time.
And what you're getting ready to hear.
No, no.
Normal shower time is one minute.
That's not true for me.
Can we bubble this up?
Oh, thank you.
You want to take calls over speakerphone?
Can we do that?
I just thought of it.
I think we can.
Yeah, I'll take calls.
Oh shit, we got Vincent's fucking readings, dude.
Oh.
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I don't see what's wrong with that.
That's what I should do.
I should just shut up and literally do video sound drop imitations.
Yeah, I'd love to take calls, Kevin.
I need to grab someone.
This human being can't- By the way, John Wayne stayed in this bathtub.
But the guy who rented this penthouse, whatever it is, he goes, John Wayne stayed here, and I was like, yeah, it's possibly hated in here.
He was like, I don't like this fucking shit at all.
When I shot that movie, I had to stay at that fucking shit-hole motel.
Everybody praises it.
Me and my mom were like pissing everywhere.
It's not like every toilet John Wayne took a shit in.
He probably walked down 33rd Street, too.
Yeah.
Did he make that magical?
Probably went to fuckin' Bushwick.
Yeah.
Speaking of Bushwick... Oh, and also, if you see Gavin's penis, you have to hit the bubbles.
It's a little cold.
Well, that's not the main promise.
It's the nudity.
So what are you doing?
Are you filming the live stream?
I have no idea.
I think you are.
Um, can we hit the bubbles?
I love how you're so worried about my foot.
I am.
Because I'm so close to it.
Her.
I'm so close to him.
You know when it's big enough to wrap around your neck twice?
I'll just take your word for it.
No need to... Ow, my foot!
So, is this part of the line?
Yeah.
That's not what that's for, huh?
So, we can't tell people where we are?
We can't tell people who we're with?
It's going pretty good.
Isn't that weird though?
Like if you're a liberal and you're fucking Chris Hayes or Rachel Maddow.
You could literally be like, here's my baby's address.
Yeah, here's my kid.
Go send her a gift.
I'll actually send you my kid for the weekend.
Here's her address.
Just send her back.
I can't send my fucking nephew's address.
I can't even acknowledge my cousins and their names.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Tony, is this going on the site?
I think so.
Do you mind passing me the phone?
What are you going to do with the zits on your forehead?
Can't you get a cream?
It's so rude.
So you just had a Skype interview, correct?
Yeah.
And you've never talked to this person before?
No, never.
And the first thing that came out of your mouth is, wow, you have a lot of acne.
Yeah.
And then you said, well, I've done a lot to treat it.
And then you said, well, obviously it doesn't work.
And you don't know this man.
That's correct.
It's a little rude.
Yes.
No part of you wanted to stop saying that.
I don't like, like imagine sitting here in a hot tub alone.
We're doing this as a joke and it's funny because it's like a gay thing with the jink.
I don't think so.
But like imagine no one knew I was here.
And I'm sitting here in this bath.
Just getting a hot... Like, it's not stimulating.
I couldn't imagine... Now, you get massages.
You're not part of this discussion.
But, like, sitting here alone.
All alone.
I understand if you... You're probably... If you're Tom Lane, you probably brought a groupie back, and you're fucking... Maybe you fucked her up against that.
That makes sense.
I get that.
But the idea of just being alone...
And this is a one-person tub.
I don't get alone.
Like, these guys who go on vacation alone, and they go swimming, and then they go, they put a fucking towel on the beach, and they're like... That's also me.
And then they go, and they eat, like, a pineapple surprise at the Hawaiian, like, what are you doing?
That's my favorite treat, pineapple surprise.
I said, I talked about this once with my brother-in-law.
And then I realized that's all he does.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He got super pissed.
That hurt my feelings when you were... You have hurt me today.
Yeah, I didn't realize.
Yeah.
I go on the beach, I lay down alone, I get massages, I would do a hot tub if there was one.
Yeah, that's gay.
But I'm starting to see your point.
It's not even gay.
Like, for example, the reason we can't show the show is that Ryan has no friends.
Well, that's not true.
Yes, it is.
Well, if I had...
You're right.
Well, I have friends, but none... What is that?
None that are in close enough proximity to help a brother out.
I have a thousand friends.
First of all, I'm the most hated man in my community because I'm a MAGA guy in a liberal enclave.
Yet, I have at least twenty friends that would eat a bullet for me.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but... I would eat a bullet for you.
A chocolate bullet.
Just like drink it?
Yeah.
Like a pill?
No.
I got a million friends.
You have no friends.
I got a lot of friends.
No you don't.
Sure I do.
No you don't.
You play fucking solitaire.
You guys are my friends.
You play solitaire and these guys live at the other end of the world.
And it's detrimental to our heritage.
We can't fix these shows.
We have Tuesday's show and Thursday's show.
And we can't.
Oh Jesus.
What?
I'm trying to stretch.
I don't think stretching is an important part of it.
Please don't get that close.
What are you talking about?
My back is all stiff.
I'm trying to relax.
This is hell.
This is me being comfortable.
Thank you, God.
Oh yeah, let's also fucking get the jets going.
We've got calls.
Oh wow.
How about an outgoing one to the police department?
Sir, are you okay?
Is there a suicide hotline available?
Oh, my leg is so smushed.
So, there's a bunch of things that we're looking forward to.
This Thursday you have the How to Be a Dad special.
I'm hyping up the show.
It's really good.
Maybe you should get some friends.
Sure.
I guess that'll help.
You can't get pussy if you don't have male friends.
I got male friends.
You gotta be gregarious.
All your friends are back at your grandmother's house.
Not everybody thinks I need so much help getting laid.
It's like, I'm loving my life.
I'm living, laughing, loving.
Ah, shut up.
No.
You need, like, you play solitary.
You need to have male friends in your community, in your new house.
You know what?
I just made a walkie-talkie.
What about John Asian Trump?
That's what I'm saying.
That guy's an amazing dude.
We're walkie-talkie friends.
Here, look.
I can walkie-talkie him right now.
Did we... Can we say that we golfed?
Yeah.
We golfed.
And, uh, you did pretty good.
I beat you all.
So that's pretty good, yeah.
I destroyed you all.
And I fucked up a hundred times.
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