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Aug. 31, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:21:26
S03E05 - BACK FROM SUMMER VACATION [2020-08-31 - S03E05 - BACK FROM SUMMER VACATION]
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Whiskey too, jamming cost too much.
So that's a great jam.
Tom T. Hall, country singer.
I looked him up.
I just discovered him on vacation in the East Hamptons.
He's from like the 50s, 60s, and 70s, basically.
But in the 50s, his job was just sitting in a room writing songs.
He had to write 12 a day for 50 bucks a week.
He'd write 12 songs a fucking day.
Wow.
The other problem with looking people up, though, is you discover that he abandoned his kids with his first wife and left them to raise himself.
Married for 46 years.
His wife just died in 2015.
Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Stuck by his wife, second wife.
Didn't stick by the first wife.
And that was way back in like 1960.
He abandoned her.
That's not great.
She was British, that one.
Show the screen.
That's his late wife.
She just croaked.
I know she looks like shit there.
She's very old.
Okay, assholes.
Jesus Christ, you're so shallow.
But yeah, I think that might be linked to Brett Kavanaugh when he said, I like beer.
Because this was a hit in 75.
And that's around when he was in college.
So I think that was like a secret motto that I wasn't privy to.
I just thought he was saying it literally, I like beer.
But no, I think it's like a good old boy shout out.
And interestingly enough, when Max and John were arrested, and this might have been one of the reasons they didn't take a plea because they thought they were going to do well, the, I don't know what you call him, not the chief, but like a major captain in the police force, the kind of guy who has four detectives following him at all time.
I forget the name because I always say fuck the police's boss, so I don't put much stock into them.
But he came down, he banged the table in front of John and he said, I like beer and walked out of the room.
Yeah, that's right.
Of course, that means nothing now.
We were just all shouting it.
That just hurt my knuckle, dude.
Uh-oh.
I'm worried I got a bone fragment from.
I wish I had a care fragment.
I think being a suck.
Having suck attacks has chipped the bone, and now when I bang it, the little broken off piece jabs in.
Ew.
I guarantee you broke something when you found out about the Mets.
When you saw what the Mets...
No.
No?
Are we not talking about them?
The maddest I've been in the past year is when our mailer, the guy who does our email list, spelt censored wrong.
Oh, I remember that wrath.
Twice.
I broke my watch.
It cost me $300 to have it repaired.
I banged it so hard that the class came off.
No, that was about six months ago.
We just sent out a new one.
I scrolled down and this fine type, it's spelled wrong again.
Same motherfucking censored.
C-E-N-C.
Wow.
Wow.
After all the screaming and yelling about the first time, and it wasn't just a gold darn it.
It was like, da-da-fa, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
And then calling the other guy, how old are you?
It was like four different tantrums that went on for 20 seconds each.
And then it happens again.
The tantrums didn't do shit.
I'm like, do you know how humiliating that is?
A mass email.
Now I'm getting mad again, remembering.
I can see it.
A mass email is you advertising your brand.
When you have a spelling mistake, you're advertising what a fucking idiot you are.
That's not a good investment.
Hi, I'm retarded.
Check me out.
Anyway, I just got back from the Hamptons.
A little vacation there.
I don't vacation very well.
I need to get drunk to get into it because I get anxiety.
I feel like I'm missing out on stuff.
And we had a bunch of banked episodes that are evergreen.
And so like Jacob Blake happens and this Jay Bishop happens.
And you're watching Animal House, which is frustrating, but it's better than nothing.
So I'll have like a half a bottle of bourbon for the first three days.
And then the next three days are detoxing and like shivering.
And wait a minute, does Tommy Robinson hate me?
How come he doesn't respond to my calls?
Yeah.
And then I get a JPEG email from Max.
And he's like, shit's crazy out there, man.
Keep your head in a swivel.
Watch your back.
Always eat with your back to the wall.
And make sure you bang the table twice when you get up so no fuckers are around you.
And then I'm like, I get all those, but the knocking is a prison thing.
Are you telling me you're going to kill me?
Are you, do you think I rip Bunny off from Justice for Liberty?
Oh, fuck.
He thinks I'm ripping him off.
I got to contact him.
So it's like three days of blind drunkenness.
Not blind drunkenness.
The kids have never seen me drunk.
That's how much Mela can handle my booze.
I'm just normal, normal, normal, cheery McGee, and then asleep.
But then it's three days of anxiety.
Anyway, to get back to Tom T. Hulk, we're never going to cover this guy again.
That song rules.
I like beer.
And then he has this other song called I Love You.
I love You Too or something like that, or maybe it's I Love.
It's the best song I've ever heard.
Song that I really love.
It's a song called I Love, and he really loves it.
I love little baby ducks.
Old pickup trucks.
Slow moving trains, and rain We all do I love little country streams Sleep without dreams Sunday school and maze and hay And I feel you too I
cry because you're losing true uh so let's catch up on the news I guess I'm gonna see what's on my desk I bought a tabloid which I believe were invented in Montreal and popularized by Brits but I haven't bought a tabloid in fucking years they heavily influenced my my work at Vice because they're great at misleading headlines so they say you know $14.6 million deal with the devil and
they shut it down the problem with it is it has so much data and shit that you can't just shift it over it's not like a wordpress blog so they shut it down enrique's still in the process of moving it but while it's moved they change the link to the proudboys.org and they say well they what's the headline what's the headline uh proudboys website attack taken offline for two days after malicious fake website created to gathers people's info yeah i said to enrique why don't we
have nerds and he goes because we're not nerds right i thought we did have nerds no we don't have hackers yeah not really uh scroll down so what happened was they did a ddo sat and then they changed one of the the uh they changed the site theproudboys.org is a signup thing so they have we fuck antif and all this stuff but they're posing as as proud boys but they're getting all this shit wrong like they have most of the things right and
then it'll say anti-miscagination which is race mixing uh q and on supporters not really there's no really synonymous view on q anon and then uh what was the other one uh anti-child trafficking well yeah of course but it's not really a proud boy's thing.
They never talk about it.
It's not like written down anywhere.
We hate child trafficking.
And by the way, doesn't every single person on earth...
Yeah, it's a weird mention.
I think even child traffickers are like, I'm a fucking shitbag.
I hate me.
That's why they do it.
That's the only reason to child traffic is you fucking hate yourself and want to die.
It's the worst job in the world, but I guess somebody's got to...
No.
I just suck.
No.
So I was told, I haven't seen evidence of this, but I was told it was also soliciting donations, which is we've got major fraud going on.
The DDoS attack is illegal.
This fake page is illegal.
But if you start soliciting for money and sending out mass texts, that's a major felony.
And it's ironic because all these lefties are buying it, right?
Because we don't do journalism anymore.
And people just take whatever they're fed, whatever fucking garbage that gets barfed out, they swallow it up.
And they're ending their sort of tweets, whatever.
These are blue check marks, freaking out about it.
And they're saying, how did I get this text on my phone?
FBI needs to investigate.
And I'm reading it going, yeah, please do.
Please do investigate.
Plan to riot and loot on your town in the coming weeks.
We're recruiting new Prowboys to stop them.
Yeah, so that's the same.
That's just the recruiting one, which probably doesn't have that big of a punishment, right?
They're just getting data to dox people.
That's funny.
There's always that accusation that Proud Boys are trying to recruit people.
It's always been the opposite.
Like, I don't like meetups where there's more than 30 guys.
So I was always trying to cap it.
Make it difficult to sign up.
Anyway, speaking of Proud Boys and that kind of thing, the other story that I drove home quickly to get to and I'm bringing to the studio now is Jay Bishop, Patriot Prayer guy.
So they go out and they've decided to fight back, take back Portland.
And I believe, I think they have the guy, his name's Michael Reinh, shot him.
I believe that these guys were hunting Trump supporters.
There he is, right above me.
We saw that video where everybody was screaming, we got one, we got a Trumper.
Well, there's some controversy about that.
Some people are saying, we got one, we got a couple.
We got a Trumper.
We got a couple.
But even the couple, a couple of what?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sounds like hunty.
It does.
Yeah, right before the shots, right here?
They say?
Well, I think there's also a tape of someone saying, pull it out.
I do not believe he meant his dick.
I don't believe so.
So this guy, this Michael Reinhole, seems like a mentally ill pawn.
He's got a Black Lives Matter tattoo.
He's got the fist tattooed on his neck.
And he was in one of the other teaser stories on that same page.
Remember above my head?
No, on the right-hand column.
There he is.
Oh, that's him.
He looks like a weird.
He's a really weird-looking dude.
He's got like a cartoon, like old school Batman chin.
You know, when they would have villains back when Prince was doing it and stuff and Jack Nicholson.
He's got like a Dick Tracy thing.
But yeah, this guy's a moronic, retarded, psychotic radical.
And I believe that these slightly higher up BLNs go, this guy's a great pawn.
And so I think there was a black guy with him going, there's one, go get him.
Go take the shit, moron, loser.
It kind of scares me.
The Crowboys importantly knew this guy, great guy.
And of course, the reaction, the reaction is, well, what's this?
An interview with him.
We should get him on the show.
I witnessed a gentleman pushing to Brown in his 40s, and he was in an altercation with multiple young people of color, minors.
And I'm not sure what started it, but I would imagine that he probably said something that was inappropriate, and they went to put him in place, and he got aggressive with them, and so they started getting aggressive with him.
And what happened is that he decided to start fighting back with the miners, and the adults around jumped in to intervene.
As soon as the adults jumped in, he pulled out a gun.
One of the people that were in the crowd, I've been working security and trying to keep protected.
And so I have military experience.
I jumped in there and pulled the gun away from people's heads, avoided being shot in the stomach, and I got shot through the arm.
Wait, this has got to be before this whole shit went down.
Yeah, this was on Bloomberg.
I mean, guns in the park.
Is it getting dangerous out here?
What do you think?
See, there's an IPs.
There's sort of two major types of Antifa.
There's the spoiled brat academics kids, the professors' kids.
You see that in New York a lot.
But there's also the sad, lonely, lost souls who have mental illness or PTSD in this guy's case, potentially.
And they love those guys because they can do horrific shit and then get killed.
And then there's also just the scumbag people with, you know, with the death wish, like that guy who said, shoot me, nigga, shoot me.
That was the bald guy.
So the Kyle, oh, we haven't even spoken since Kyle, what's his name did nothing wrong?
Rittenhouse.
Rittenhouse.
So the pedophile who was shot by Rittenhouse, they have footage of him earlier.
This is on my parlor, I believe, saying, what you gonna do, nigga?
Shoot me.
Shoot me in the face, nigga.
Shoot me.
Okay.
And there was the skater who got shot in the chest and he died.
And he's got a long criminal record.
All these people raise millions.
That's the amazing thing about these scumbags with this bullshit tabloid culture we're living in.
They come up with some pathetic narrative that's like, Mike Brown said, please don't hurt me.
He had just graduated.
He wanted to help starving kangaroos.
Help, help, don't.
And they went, fuck you, Negro.
They raise millions.
And then, of course, it comes out that the guy's a scumbag and they go, oh, I see.
So because Mike Brown didn't have his hands up, then he deserved to die?
Well, no, no.
Oh, because he stole a bike when he was two, he deserves to die.
Kangaroo did a good job of this, by the way, with Jacob Blake shooting that's up right now, the most recent one, I believe.
And you go, no, no, I'm not saying that every criminal deserves to die.
Max and John are considered criminals.
I don't think they deserve anything.
I don't trust the state.
However, when someone is a career criminal, you have to say, well, there's a pattern of behavior here.
Like George Floyd, don't tell me that he won't be around for his daughter's graduation when he wasn't around for any of his kids' graduation.
You're painting this messiah picture.
And I'm not saying the non-messiahs need to die, but let's start with the truth.
George Floyd was a career criminal.
We saw him eating fentanyl and ODing.
He killed himself.
He was not killed by cops.
So before you start with the angel narrative, let's maybe just dip our toes in the facts.
And we'll eventually get the truth.
But if you want to run with your theories, then let's do theories.
Fine.
We can play theories.
Let's look at patterns here.
Jacob Blake was a serial rapist.
Okay.
He raped a 14-year-old girl at gunpoint.
He goes to this woman's party.
He has a restraining order, whatever.
He's not allowed to be on her property.
He goes there.
She's hysterical.
She's screaming her head off.
She knows his history.
She's scared for her life.
She calls the police.
The police show up.
He's grabbed her keys.
She goes, I don't want, you can't have my keys.
I don't feel safe.
They go, give her her keys back.
And then they see he's got a knife.
He's waving a knife around.
And then he says, I'm going to get my gun.
So they're like, put the knife down, put the knife down.
Then he gets into his car.
Now they say he had a knife in his car.
They haven't verified that his gun in his car.
Maybe the knife they found in his car was the same knife he was holding the whole time.
And it's not two knives, it's one.
But eventually they're pulling on his shirt.
Stop, stop.
If someone says they're going to go get their gun or they're waving a knife around cops and ignoring them, something's up.
You're in danger.
So they did what their training was and went, he's not listening.
Something's in that car.
I don't know what is in that car.
Could be anything.
Could be a handgun.
He just goes like that.
So they go, fuck, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Like those sound effects?
He's dead.
Now you go, look, the guy wasn't perfect.
He's not a hero.
I'm not asking for heroes.
I'm asking for a real victim.
Like Craig James Robinson.
Was that his name?
No parades for him.
A bona fide racist attack.
White kids hated blacks, killed him.
No attention because he lives in a blue state that will never go red.
So who gives a fuck?
They say black lives matter?
Black lives in swing states matter.
According to the left.
But that's been an incredible turn of events, has it not?
And there's um this stuff.
I can't.
I got water in my phone by the pool.
It's not very news.
I'm not much of a newsman, am I?
But um.
Now whenever I touch anything, it just goes off.
It starts doing calculations.
Time to go to Apple.
No, I did the thing you taught me.
Oh, okay, cool.
You just, you pay $150 and send you a new one.
Yeah, yeah.
It should be here today.
Nice.
His life is worth something!
And I got to say again, damn it!
If you kill one of us, it's time for us to kill one of yours.
Kill me.
What's with his stance?
We ain't never did nothing.
Kamala Harris said this.
You ain't never did nothing to no one.
Yeah, you never did nothing to nobody.
Don't check the crime stats.
I'm going to do that, actually.
I'm going to list all the black on white deaths recently that have gone completely unnoticed, but also the black deaths that have gone unnoticed.
Like the two guys shot in shop.
Totally, totally ignored.
Or how about the girl who was killed for saying all lives matter?
She's a four-year-old boy.
She's deed.
Or the five-year-old that was just shot in the head.
Or the black guy who was in his SUV, saw two kids on the street, swerved into them.
Or the black guy who recently stabbed someone, killed them, and he had said he hates all white people and was looking for white people to kill.
Or one of the latest ones, it's a small to a dude and smashed.
We never did nothing to nobody.
Well, technically that's true because it's two negatives and you didn't do nothing to nobody.
You did nothing to nobody.
You did everything to everybody.
That's crazy.
Unless they're like his, if they're not that guy's friends, they're in on it, right?
The people recording?
Yes.
Because if they're just watching a record.
So that seems like it's pretty easy to catch the guy.
There might have been some sort of the only other chance.
If they're not friends, there might have been some sort of argument.
They're just recording.
No.
No, that seems like an inside job.
Yeah, and that's just when you see, like, it's funny how they say white people don't see us as human.
If I was to run up and someone and hit them in the head with a brick, it would be a robot.
Someone I don't see as human.
So that's an example of someone not being seen as human.
And also, by the way, with Jay Bishop killed, we saw these Black Lives Matter Protesters talking about how they don't give a shit that a Nazi died.
And that's why things like pouring water on people and milkshaking them seems irrelevant, but it's part of a much bigger plan, which is about dehumanization.
You start with ridicule, right?
Then you start with the Nazi shit.
You're part of the people who killed six million Jews.
That's your group.
And then you de-platform them so they can't speak up.
Now we just have a piece of human garbage.
So kill them.
And they do.
There's this myth that Antif hasn't killed anyone, but they sure have.
You know what else was interesting in this?
This tabloid, it has some truth to it, possibly.
Like they had a thing on Ben Affleck getting a cool new BMW, but right next to it, it says, love in the workplace.
And it's an article about how people who work together, males who aren't gay, have noted that playful intercourse is not considered gay sex and has strengthened their relationships and made the workplace a much more productive place to work.
Wait, you didn't read.
That's not in there.
Yeah.
Well, let me see.
Past.
Well, it just seems like an interesting concept, don't you think?
Yeah, it does.
It's kind of...
I want to see that.
Is there like a picture of the guy in there?
Let me check.
Let me see.
Let me check that.
They don't have a picture.
It's an illustration.
You want to see it?
Fine, here it is.
Rest of it has very little news.
How was your week?
I haven't spoken to you all week.
It was good.
I took a bike ride to Orchard Beach again and had a lobster roll.
Just little things in life.
I smoke some.
In the Hamptons, that's big.
Lobster rolls.
No one likes them.
Let me make something clear.
Shrimp and lobster are insects.
I don't mean they look like insects.
I mean Wikipedia them.
They're insects.
You're eating, what is this?
Starship troopers?
Oh, but they're really good.
Yeah, drenched in butter.
You know what else is good drenched in butter?
My ass.
Cardboard.
Fucking hair.
Go to a barbershop floor, dip that in butter.
The texture isn't it.
And there's something about, I originally thought white people, but what it really is, is status-hungry areas.
Like the East Village of New York City, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and the Hamptons.
This is a particular type of white person where they want, they're very status-conscious.
And in the Hamptons, you have a lobster roll after you go to East Hampton Beach.
It's just what you do.
Blacks in the city in Puerto Rican, like lobster, what is it?
Oh, red lobster is like, that's where you take your girl for your anniversary or a big thing.
Like we had one right in Co-op City.
That's like lobster.
They love red lobster.
They love the biscuits.
They love the lobster.
It's not really what I'm talking about.
They also love Olive Garden.
Yeah, they do.
I don't know.
That's their highest prestige.
Red Lobster.
Yeah, it's called Red Lobster.
Yeah.
Anyway, so they're waiting outside for an hour for a fucking insect dipped in butter.
And I'm just like, no.
I also noticed, we also went to Montauk.
We checked out that big lighthouse.
It's the first lighthouse in New York State.
It was commissioned by a guy named George Washington.
I didn't realize it was that old.
Caught COVID when I was there.
And we're up there, and I think it's run by this geriatric couple that are the only people left who care about lighthouses besides my wife.
And we're there, and they, to try to get younger people to make it more exciting, they have this Jaws Museum, the Shark Museum in the back.
And it's a room the size of this shitty studio.
And it was the shittiest museum I've ever seen in my life.
Adults were $10 each.
That's $10.20.
My kids were $5 each.
That's $30.
I snuck in the youngest one because he was lower than the gate.
We go there and this fucking COVID shit, the Hamptons, it was so nuts.
And this goes back to what I was saying about the lobster rolls.
Oh, sorry, I didn't finish that previous point.
So in the East Village, when I was dating my wife, we would line up for brunch for like an hour and the lineup would go all the way down Avenue A. We're just lining up there.
Why?
To get eggs?
Because eggs are rare, eggs and toast and some bacon.
I could have gone to the store, cooked it at home in a tenth of the time.
And the bill was always like $17 for your fucking eggs.
But we were just so conformous.
And that was what everyone did.
Saturday morning at noon, which I guess is Saturday afternoon, you line up for an hour and 20 minutes to spend $17 on some fucking eggs.
And the same was going on in the Hamptons.
There's actually a very interesting class division there.
There's no middle class in Montauk or the Hamptons, East Hampton, Southampton, Springs, even Quag.
It's just upper class and the people who fix their garage door openers.
And they're about equal populations, especially in the peak season in August.
So it's a lot of Mexicans, but it's a lot of blue-collar dudes, especially in Montauk.
Montauk is all gorgeous hippie chicks and surfer dudes and then Trump guys.
There's Trump flags all over the place.
He has no home here, Black Lives Matter, Trump.
And they hate each other's fucking guts.
And I noticed this when I was picking up Fried Chicken, I had this on.
And they go, hey, nice, nice.
I love your mask there.
And I go, yeah.
I go, sometimes I'm worried that the pink, you know, it's like desecrating the flag.
You know, like these, those shirts that say these colors don't run.
And here I am, the colors are running.
He goes, well, at least we know how you're voting.
And that was a buddy.
But then I go to this other place.
And this was a super yuppie place in Montauk that was right near a garage sale where it was all super models in long dresses selling like, hey, I painted this on a rock.
Want to spend 50 bucks?
Yeah.
Best $50 I ever spent.
Your drawings suck.
You're just pretty.
That's all.
But they were, it was funny how hot they were.
And then we go to this other place near there and it's like on the on the beach.
Not on the beach.
Sorry.
It's not the water.
It's not on the ocean side.
It's on the other side, bayside.
And you can see for miles and it's beautiful.
And I'm like, hey, can I get a table for five?
And he goes, it's going to be about 25 minutes and we close in 15 minutes.
Ah, fuck, that math doesn't work out.
And he goes, you can stick around.
And I was like, well, I'm obviously not going to stick around because by the time you're ready to seat us, there'll be nothing to eat.
That seems pretty logical to me that it's not going to happen.
And he goes, okay.
And then as I'm, my wife and my daughter were in a vintage clothing store, and I noticed three more groups went in after us.
Not with American flags.
What are you taking a note of that?
Three more groups.
Yes.
What are you writing down?
What's it called?
I forgot.
Forgot what you were writing down?
What?
Secret.
Production, though.
By the way, shouldn't you be pulling up Montauk and stuff while I chat about this?
I've been waiting to drop this.
Okay.
But yeah, I don't know.
We rent a house in the Hamptons.
It costs a fucking fortune, and it's smaller than my house.
I'm in a shittier house.
And what they do is they have a homosexual come in and redo the kitchen with like crazy modern, what's it called?
That era.
My wife loves it.
Mid-century modern.
Mid-century modern light fixtures and a thing of Freddy.
What's his name?
Freddy Krueger.
No, Freddy from Queen.
Mercury.
Imagine.
It's just a nice house.
Oh, I thought of a great idea for a shirt.
Oh, I thought of a few great ideas for shirts when I was there.
Sorry, this is so off the cuff, folks, but I just pulled into New York City after dropping my family off.
And we don't have time for notes.
We'll do notes tomorrow.
Three awesome ideas for shirts.
One is it just says 100% pure noob.
And it's written in like an 80s surfer style.
Dope.
With like, like our old writing with free speech, that horror movie with like triangles and stuff.
100% pure noob.
Because my kids would call, all they do is call each other noobs.
You're a noob.
No, you're a noob.
In fact, my youngest boy, he got so good at it.
His big brother would call him a noob and he'd just hold him up this.
Oh, reverse to you.
Yeah.
You're a noob.
I had to, he was carrying it with him everywhere.
And I go, you don't have pockets.
This is going to get wet.
I'll carry it for you.
And when someone's calling you a noob, just ask.
I'll pull it out of my wallet.
You could take a picture of it too.
What?
You could take a picture of the card.
Just kind of hold it up.
Sure.
But I also like the fact that, yeah, I am a noob.
I'm not good at video games.
I'm proudly not good at video games.
I'm a proud noob.
So it's two things.
Proud noob, 100% pure noob, 80s parody.
But here's my genius revelation, folks.
To make t-shirts that look really gay and boring, but are actually just off.
And it comes from, I can't remember who, was this my son's idea that you go to heaven and Jesus just looks a little off?
Yeah.
Wasn't that your daughter's idea?
Oh, my daughter.
Yeah.
Your head's kind of light bulb.
His head's kind of light bulb shaped and you're like, oh, and he's thinning.
Now don't make the shirt now.
Focus on the show, dude.
You're not listening to a podcast for the 500th time.
So it'll say like Harry Potter, because I've been begging my daughter for her first day of school to show up as a Harry Potter buff.
Like the scarf, everything.
And you're from Vilecrust or whatever.
Slytherin.
Vialcrust.
And I zap you.
And hey, do you guys want to play that?
But she'd have to, it'd be funnier if she was talking like me too.
Hey, you guys want to play that game with the broom and you're fucking kicking a ball?
Oh, I just kicked over the garbage.
Hagwartz?
Yeah, I'm from Hogwarts.
And I like the big Drumfeld Doof guy with the beard.
And then the other little skinny shribbly guy.
What's his name?
I love that shit.
Dobby.
Dobby.
I'm a Dobby buff.
That would be cool.
Because then the next day she'd just go, I don't really like that.
And all the nerd friends she'd make would go, what?
Somehow they'd be British in my mind.
What?
Are you kidding me?
But anyway, we got onto that.
And I thought, wouldn't it be cool to have a shirt, sell a shirt that says Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
And he's like this.
And from far away, you're just like, oh, that's a weird Harry Potter buff.
But you get in closer and the face is just kind of off.
And he has like six fingers or his thumb's way too long.
I love that.
There was an episode of King of Queens where they started this presence war and they got the black couple this terrible jazz statue they didn't want and they kept asking them to put it there.
Like, where's your jazz statue?
And they go, oh, yeah, I guess.
And they would put it up.
So then the black couple got them a painting of Doug and Carrie, but the painting was just off.
Sort of like that prank that David Beckham did.
Remember?
David.
No, what did he do?
I'm sorry.
The prank that what's his name did?
Robert Corden on David Beckham where he got him a statue that was just kind of off and his ass was big and stuff.
So, yeah, you can try to dig out that King of Queens because it's a fucking amazing painting.
Actually, maybe Google image.
I got the painting clip.
But the stat.
Oh, so that's a statue, remember?
That's hilarious.
And then go, but that's too much.
They overdid it.
But go back to Doug and Carrie.
That was much subtler.
That show was so fucking funny.
Well, you got the whole episode?
No, just a minute.
What's the matter?
Doug, I can't live with this painting, man.
We got to get rid of it.
I am willing to lose them as friends over this.
Did you forget about the stupid painting?
Poke them out with your giant fingers.
You better keep Google image then because there's too much emotion going on here.
Anyway, so you do that with Harry Potter.
And then, the same shirt, but it's like Jimi Hendrix.
And he's doing a solo.
No, you just get a generic Jimi Hendrix shirt.
But then you look closely at him.
That's pretty good.
He looks fine.
His teeth are a little super white.
Oh, shit.
That's funny.
And you have Jimi Hendrix, and he's just like, I don't know, his teeth are too long.
And his head is kind of skinny.
And the pretext, this conceit would be that we took, we bootlegged Chinese bootlegs.
Well, but we didn't, but that's just a funny, We call them the Chinese bootleg bootlegs.
Or it says Rolling Stones in their cool font with their awesome logo.
And then it has a drawing of them that I can do that's just like not really good.
I love that.
That's not really a good drawing, dude.
And then maybe, this might be pushing it, but at the bottom of the Rolling Stones one, it just says best band.
That's very European.
Or for Jimi Hendrix, it says Jimi Hendrix.
And then it says guitar solos.
I like these off, terrible shirts.
Or the Beatles.
And it's just like a picture of, like, I don't know, John Lennon.
That is so good.
Picture of John Lennon and Yoko.
It says the Beatles.
Yeah, that's it.
All with friends.
That's it.
Done.
The Beatles with John and Yoko.
Oh, I want all of these shirts.
Yeah.
Oh, that's good.
Because people would see you as a loser with a Harry Potter shirt, but then you get closer, and that's really the subtle art.
Like if he's like, I'm Harry Potter, that's way too much.
But if he's just, and David Beckham, that was way too much.
That was so obvious.
That's not good, dude.
But if he's just like, it's easy to do, right?
Yeah, you just wonk him up a little bit, sure.
Yeah, just stretch his eyes a little bit, move his nose higher.
I could do it in Photoshop in two seconds.
You know, Opie and Anthony had a picture that they took for like a press thing.
Yeah, here it is.
And the guy, if you look closely at this picture, that's not Anthony's arm.
Like he put that arm in post and then like his neck, Opie's neck is elongated.
They break this down.
Like they have a whole thing where they break it down.
They hired some kid who just couldn't leave the fucking photo alone.
They were like, well, let me put my magic on this and just weirded them out.
So the kid wasn't kidding.
He was trying to make them look better?
Yeah.
It wasn't a joke at all.
And his eyebrow, like, he's like, my eye wasn't like that.
We saw the original pictures.
His neck is longer.
His little hand, like, there's an extra elbow thing like on his Opie's arm.
You know, that's on the data.
Andrew W.K., when Trevor Simser was managing him, he would take their pictures and he would just fuck it up just a pube.
Like he would make Trevor's arms just like an inch too long.
Or Trevor has sort of hemophilia eyes.
We used to call them assholes eyes.
And so he'd exaggerate the hemophilia, the darkness around the eyes, but just a little bit too much.
What are you looking at?
So Andrew W.K., who's the photographer?
Trevor.
No, his manager.
Trevor Silmser.
S-I-L-M-S-E-R.
Silmser.
Silmser.
Yeah.
It's not going to show up.
Ah, dang it.
That sounds funny.
But yeah, he was so good at it that Trevor got an inferiority complex.
And he's just like, God, I used to be handsome.
I used to do okay with the ladies, but I have fucking shit.
I guess I'm getting older.
It's like that look.
Slowly poisoning somebody thing.
Yeah, you know, poisoning their self-esteem.
That's hilarious.
But I got to go back to one thing.
So there's this bizarre culture in the Hamptons.
I'm not really familiar with the Hamptons.
And it's the beautiful women, right?
But who are they going to hook up with?
Rich kids, yeah, but not pussies.
I'm a supermodel.
I like kind of bad boys.
Okay, surfers.
So there's this massive surf scene in New York in the Hamptons.
One problem, there's no surf.
It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
The waves are mediocre for body surfing, sort of.
Your kids can get a little bit out of a boogie board.
When the waves are really crazy, then it's very fun, but they break right at the shore.
So if you're body surfing, you better be ready to like Spider-Man land on your feet or have your hands down because you're about to get slammed into sand.
But to surf, you have to go out like, I would say 50 to 100 feet.
And then you need a major wave, like a four to five foot wave that goes all the way to the shore.
Like I used to, in Costa Rica, we used to see them all day.
And they were so far out, they were, you could barely see them.
These guys can't go up more than 20 feet.
And when they catch a wave, which appears to be like once a day, they're just like, shoo.
But they love the look.
So there's surf shops and everyone has those like Jimmy's, Jimmy Z fucking surf cars.
You know, those like 1960s looking things with the wood paneling.
And they'll have like four surfboards on the top and you're like, you're not a surfer, dude.
Or they even will come out, a grown man, like point break style.
What's up?
100% pure adrenaline.
And he'll have a fucking boogie board and flippers.
And he's like a burly dude with a beard.
What's up, dudes?
Gotta catch some surf.
Those are for babies, dude.
That's like those guys in New York with the little satchel and the helmet just on their scooter.
No!
No!
You can't have that.
You can't even ride a skateboard.
Not allowed.
Look up Jimmy Z car.
Yeah, that's that look.
They all have that stupid fucking car.
Wow.
It's like LARPing.
It's LARPing.
And it works.
And no one's told them that they're not surfers.
No one's told them that this is all fake.
You can't be a surfer if the waves are two feet high and last for literally three seconds.
That's not surfing.
I remember in Williamsburg, there was a clam chowder restaurant called Storm Chasers.
And their mentality, which was better than this bullshit and still retarded, is that they chase storms because the only time you can surf in New York is after a major hurricane.
This is exactly what this is.
This is the thing that came up when you search Montauk surfing.
Okay, so this probably happens once a fucking century.
This is a hurricane, yeah.
Yeah, hurricane.
See, there you go.
2011.
Now that looks like California, Costa Rica.
That looks like real surfing.
This does not happen in Montauk.
It's fucking fake.
Oh, and by the way, that's at the lighthouse, which is like the crazy wave.
You're at the very end of New York when you're there.
There's no more New York.
Where those guys are, I don't even know if they're in New York.
Like, does New York end in the water?
When does it end?
Good point.
Yeah.
So these guys are basically in the Atlantic Ocean right now.
And they've got some waves after a hurricane.
I'm not talking about Montauk, the very tip.
I'm talking about the East Hamptons.
What the fuck?
Most of the other guys don't even know what to do.
They're like, I've never seen this before.
Visual waves?
I'm going to die.
You got one guy who's been in California a lot.
But you see these dudes with their fucking...
Like, at least the fishermen actually fish and catch fish.
What you just saw there was as unusual as it gets.
Yeah, posted in 2011.
It's the top hit.
That's the last time there was surfing there.
So you didn't do much this past week?
No, no, just had a great time.
I just, you know, tried to relax and catch up and work.
Gary's mailbag, you got that down?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, we actually filmed one.
Got another one in the bag.
Good.
How's Gary doing?
People loved it.
He's good.
His phone was...
Is he getting good at it?
If you will.
His phone was broken, so I had to put like a glove on.
We did it on the show, the upcoming Gary's Mailbag.
He put the battery in wrong.
White phones have batteries.
It's a flip phone.
It's an Obama phone.
I'm getting a guess.
And it's like, you know, broken.
I don't think it has minutes.
I remember getting his number a while ago, and I tried it, and I was just like, this never works.
So it's basically like not a phone.
I don't know what he uses it for.
But the battery isn't wrong.
So I used gloves to, and I told him, you can't touch the battery.
If the battery's open, you can't touch it.
So I had to put gloves on.
I didn't know that.
I lied so that way I could put gloves on and not touch his phone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, as you were saying before we started recording this, the beauty of Gary doing a show here is you can see what you have to wipe up after.
Yeah.
Because there's a big mark.
It'll be brown.
He's like pig pen.
Yeah.
He leaves a physical trail.
You can see it, which helps.
He wants now.
Somebody wrote in.
They said that he should get a raise.
And he told me after the show, he's like, no, don't bring it up to Gavin that somebody mentioned, you know, like maybe $5 raise.
And I was like, I'll pitch it up to...
It's not a tough gevin, but sure.
I understand.
So we're trying to get, we've got a lot of new shows in the works.
Some I'm not allowed to talk about.
But Kangaroo Jack was a roaring success.
And I want to get, I want a British show and I want an Australian show.
I want to expand our repertoire.
I'd fucking kill for Tommy Robinson, obviously, but he's not calling me back.
Dang it.
That is weird.
Have you interacted on Parlo?
Like, is he retweeting your stuff?
Well, he raised $800 for Proud Boys.
And it was really hard for them to send because Antifa was hacking his site.
So does he think that I'm taking the money?
But Dusty Bogan has sent some stuff.
Have you got any of the Bogan?
Bogan's great.
I've been in contact with this Bogan looking at his stuff.
Let me see.
I mean, the beauty, he's doing Man on the Streets.
And the beauty of Man on the Streets is if you edit them short, they can't suck.
Unless you're just you.
Well, he's not me, fortunately.
Let's see what we can go to here.
You know, I like his style, too.
It's kind of got, there's no other vibe like a dusty vibe.
That's what I've noticed.
I did his show.
Okay, don't shut.
If there's an intro there, let's not show that.
Okay.
I want to just jump to the questions.
Are you familiar with this clip you're about to show us?
No, I'm going to parse this one out.
Let me see here.
Yeah, let's just see that one.
Okay.
He's talking to some lady with a sign.
Let's see if he's.
I don't have to be skeptical because you have Bill Gates talking about depopulation and talking about ID 2020 and things like that.
We can't just sit around and wait.
Yeah, it's pretty full on.
Hey, I mean, I'm not like.
Isn't it amazing that not him, because he's a weirdo, but isn't it amazing how accents are dying?
She could have been American.
And I got a buddy, Tommy, who's like, hey, what the fuck?
I can't hang out with people who got no kids because I'm like, get your shit together.
And then I hear his kids, and his kid's like, hey, dad, can we go to Davin Buster's this weekend?
He's like, Davin Busters?
No, Davin Busters.
There's an R in there, shithead.
And that's the Brooklyn accent's done.
Yeah.
And I'm not talking about rich kids.
I'm talking about blue-collar Brooklynites.
Their accent's over.
I wonder if Boston's going.
You know, I saw a video of like a young Bostonite talking about how feminism worked.
He was like, so hold on a second.
We had the sexual empowerment thing where you're dressing like a fucking hua, and now we can all look at your fucking body.
And then we got he's repeating me.
Yeah, yeah.
That whole shtick he's doing.
All points I'm very familiar with, you know, but he had an accent.
I thought that was encouraging.
That was like kind of what I picked up from that video besides his points that I've heard from you.
So here's Bogues.
Like an anti-baxer.
Like I'm actually having a son soon, so I'm like, I'll probably get him vaccinated.
I haven't learnt about it.
That's your choice, you know.
And other people feel differently.
Yeah, like the footy players who said they weren't interested.
And like, I fully support their right to say, you know, not interested.
This is a free country.
I mean, if someone wanted to put Roundup in your breakfast cereal and, you know, half the population thought it was a great idea, I mean, would you eat it?
You know, like, he gets into it.
He's not afraid to.
Yeah, but pause.
The problem here is the argument is, well, what if your kid that's not vaccinated gives my kid measles?
I'm not saying that's my argument, but that is the argument.
You got to know the arguments.
Maybe she's American and she's lived here for like five, six, seven years.
Yeah, here's zero accent.
Yeah.
Taking anything full.
Let me see where she's blabbing here.
I match on the Facebook blink.
All right.
So this protest is basically about Australians fighting for their freedom to not be injected by the government.
She has no Accent because my theory is it's constant TV and internet and YouTube, and they're hearing the West, well, not the Western, the American accent all day, and it strips your accent of color.
Whoa, now Bogan's autistic, so he's gonna have the same accent if he lived in China for the rest of his life.
But in saying that, maybe there'll be, we'll be like, you know, super high-powered fucking internet and we'll be like self-driving cars and fucking drones dropping off my cartons of beer and fucking KFC on Cheap Tuesday and all that shit.
And I'll be like, yeah, I love 5G.
And I'll still have the giant fucking growth hanging off my neck.
What a fucking.
Christy Mogan here.
Simeon Cassar, nice to meet you.
Yep, God bless you.
Excellent.
So you come up and you're telling me about, this is what a 5G reader means.
Yeah, this is a radio frequency, microwave, radio frequency meter RF.
Yep.
And we should...
They say 1.0 is safe.
This is...
Well, there it is.
It's flatlining.
And this goes up to 20.
So that's like 20,000, I think.
It works out to be 20,000 like microwave millimeter.
How many 5G towers around here?
This is good.
I like it.
Yeah, I'm in.
That's pretty cool.
I want to see, like, trashy Australians are like the coolest thing to me.
I just want to make sure it's edited tight.
Oh, I see.
Sure, sure.
There's not a lot of wandering.
But who's going to edit them?
You?
No, he's been editing.
So I've been editing on my phone, and then I took me Missy's phone, and then I started editing on that.
And so that's going pretty well.
You said there was audio problems, but that audio sounds perfect.
Yeah, he upgraded a lot of stuff.
Everything I've said that, hey, you know, it'd help if you had a better microphone out in the field and then you lower the gain so that way it doesn't clip because you could always bring low audio up.
And he's changed everything.
He upgraded his camera and all that.
Ryan recently came to me and said, can you pay for this phone bill?
It's $200.
I spoke to Dusty Bogie for now.
I didn't ask you.
You brought it up.
He doesn't know that you don't speak to Australia outside of Skype.
I didn't know.
You're talking to the other end of the world.
In fact, isn't that the joke when you take someone's phone, they go, don't call Japan?
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
But I thought phones were different now.
So where it's like, yeah, you could just call the world.
Yeah, they are different.
It's called WhatsApp.
Oh, man.
Signal.
Telegram.
Now I've learned.
Or Instagram, Messenger.
There's a million different ways.
Or mail.
Yeah, mail.
That's a great idea, Ryan.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
It was a segue.
I know.
Okay.
Wow.
We are.
Like, after a week, we got to do something about this because there's content gold here.
Yeah.
But it's thousands of emails lost in the abyss.
So I think what we should do is on the censor.tv homepage, have whatever we call it.
Not letter of the day, because it has to be like our top 47 letters of the day.
Oh, and then.
Oh, okay.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
And it's just kind of like generating.
Have it on censor.tv.
No, we'll have someone go through it, like Aerie.
She can go through it.
Or the New Zealand chick.
And then post it up there in text.
Yeah.
Right.
Or if it's a video, we can even attach the video.
Yeah, we can even attach the video.
Bass Stickman 2.0.
This is from John.
He says it's the funniest shit he's seen all week.
Well, let's see about that.
This is not available to you, likely because I'm banned from Twitter.
This is ancient.
Thank you for the scoop, you fucking Dolt, John.
That video is about two years old.
The cigarette in the mouth.
It is cool to watch again, though.
But yeah, this is ancient.
It's the funniest shit I've seen all decade.
Yeah.
That was a Canadian Christian group in Hamilton, Ontario that were attacked by Antifa.
And our buddy with a fucking dart in his mouth just fucking starts giving her and giving her.
Hey, Ryan, I want to send over some unsolicited advice from someone who dated for many years and ended up happily married with a MAGA wife.
Your biggest barrier to finding a suitable woman isn't your hair primping, love of kids movies, or the fact that you live in the fag zone.
Yes, good point.
It's your debt.
Oh.
But he doesn't tell women he's in debt.
No, why would I do that?
No responsible woman is ready to settle down as blah, blah, blah, blah.
So we're not reading that anymore because you think his dating profile says deep in debt.
I don't have a dating profile.
A lot of people tell me that's the problem, but I will not do it.
Sorry.
Internet women.
This is from Justin G. Diggity Dog and the Field Marshal of the Fag Zone.
I love your takes on Prince.
When you start getting into music as a teen, it's just understood that Prince is the best musician and you can't make fun of him and his music is gold.
Later on in life, when you start getting into politics, it's just understood that the Democrat Party are hip and not racist.
But whenever Prince is on, I instantly turn the channel within two seconds and realize what a fucking weird little queer he is and could not give less of a shit when he died.
Much like the Democrats are weird little queers who just start complete shit shows and I could not give a shit less when they die.
I mean look at 507 in this video.
This one he threw his guitar straight up in the air.
And then that little face.
Look at that little hat.
It looks like Paula Abdul.
He has a weird little froggy queer.
But Purple Rain is a masterpiece.
And Controversy is a good jam.
Delirious is good.
But that was all what?
Like when was that?
When was Purple Rain?
It was like 1980.
And then I'm like, okay, I'm good to go.
That was 84.
All right.
Bye.
Same year as National Lampoon's Vacation.
Okay.
I don't sit and cry when National Lampoons Vacation dies.
The fag capitals of the world.
Fag capitals of the world.
God, my daughter and I had a weird fight on the beach.
Beach fight?
I think she thinks I'm a homophobe because she hears the word faggot occasionally.
Meanwhile, we have fags over to the house.
And then saying fag to describe the fags.
Yeah, but Like Chadwick came over and we had a long talk about the state of the union.
And then he stayed and we had dinner and we watched a movie in the backyard on a projector.
And he's not straight.
It's pretty clear.
Why are we bringing faggots to the house if I hate faggots?
I heard the, is it like Dennifer Schmucks?
Dennifer Fans?
Guys, look at this one.
But there was a kid, because as I said, there's two classes there.
There's blue-collar and upper class, nothing in between.
There's zero middle-class people in all of that entire area.
And there's some kid playing with, my kids were on the lifeguard chair.
You can do whatever you want up to 6 p.m.
You don't have to pay.
You don't need a permit.
You can have fires on the beach, fucking party boys.
And so it's a lot of landscapers and Hasidic Jews and the McKinnises.
But there's some kid.
My kids like to go up on the lifeguard's chair and then like jump off it into the sand and dare themselves.
And this girl shows up.
And I can't remember who it was, my son or something goes, yeah, just do it.
Don't think about it.
You can do it.
And then my youngest boy's like, that girl's going to jump.
And she goes, I'm transgender.
And both my kids are like, okay, whatever.
And she told me later.
And I thought, oh, man, if I was, because the mother was there too.
And I thought, if I was there, I'm not sure I could have been silent.
Like, I'm not going to say, what the fuck?
Get her kids know how to fucking check, dude.
But I would say something like, oh, you were born a boy, now you're a girl.
Okay.
And then say, if that's what you're running with, something like very subtle like that.
Like when you say, I'll praise due to Allah when you see like a super radical Muslim on the street.
It's a little tiny fuck you.
Yeah, and I'd watch the Pete Davidson movie.
That was really good, King Staten Island.
No, it was not.
I thought it was really good.
And he's like, hey, you want a hot dog?
He's like, no, I got Crohn's.
You know, it makes you shit a lot.
And he's like, thanks for sharing.
You know, just like, it's a little bit much.
You don't really need to share that you're transgender before you jump into a damn pool.
Yep, yep, yep.
Now that's how guys talk to one another.
Well, you really knocked off my train of thought there.
You're fucking bullshit.
And then my daughter was weird for like the rest of the night.
Because I said, I don't know if I would have been able to keep quiet.
Like, does she think I'm going to go pick up, this is not a fucking trance?
Or pick up the kid?
Yeah.
Like, by its dress?
Fucking put a little boy in a fucking dress.
You know, she's 13 and very emotional.
And so I just told her the next day, I go, look, no one has a problem with the kid is acting gay.
That's not a thing.
No one cares.
But it's when you start indulging these whims.
Your brother thought he was Spider-Man when he was that age.
We didn't start fucking removing his veins and putting in little squirter things.
Teach him how to hang upside down for more than an hour without fainting.
You can't get a tattoo until you're 18.
And I told her that when I was 20 in college, I told the school doctor, I want my tubes tied.
The world's overpopulated.
I was miles.
The world's overpopulated.
There's too many people, so I don't want to have more kids.
By the way, when you say that, you're as stupid as me when I was 20.
And the doctor just went, no, not doing that.
Which was probably illegal because I was an adult, but ethical, but they were right.
Thank you for that.
And I'm talking to the person who wouldn't have been born if they had done that.
And I talked about hormone blockers.
And then at one point, she goes, I don't think they should give hormone blockers until you're 18.
I'm like, yeah, the ship has sailed.
It's to prevent puberty, which you're in right now.
And then I talked about the suicide rate with trans.
You know, you just lay it out.
But then you got to wonder when you're with teenagers, are you being emotional?
Have you been brainwashed by your school?
Or here's a new one I'm starting to consider now that my daughter's 13, 14, going on 14.
Are you stoned?
Are you high right now?
Are you having a bad trip?
Has this got nothing to do with politics?
And you're just like, the beach is melting?
It's just ruining the vibes.
Yeah, you're just like, God, you're killing the vibes.
Oh, fuck.
Everyone's face is melting now because my dad said that he would have harassed a child.
Because the next day when I was having a talk with her, she's just like eating cereal, going, yeah, okay, whatever.
You were pretty emotional about it last night.
You're definitely not stoned because I just saw you wake up and come downstairs.
So what's going on?
And now I'm, and as a normal adult, you got to be dubious when you see your teenage kid and his or her friends laughing their heads off.
You're like, wow, you guys sure think that was funny.
And you're sure snacking a lot.
You really love those Pringles.
You're really devouring those fucking Pringles.
And then they start having a panic attack.
Are you having a panic attack?
Or are you having a bad trip?
I'm watching you, potted.
You should just start messing with them and like moving slow motion.
Hey guys, I'm going to go to the store if you want me.
Or I buy their exact shoes, but one size too small.
Wow.
That is the next level.
One size too big.
And they're like, what the fuck's going on, man?
Wow.
Sometimes I put them...
My feet are growing and shrinking and growing and shrinking, man.
That's genius.
Whoa, dude.
I want to be a woman.
Wait a minute.
I don't have...
Shit, I had a good video for the end of the show today.
And it's Gazan.
Oh, that's an oldie but a goodie.
Okay, sorry.
Hello, Gavin Ryan.
I want to send you two Trump Pence 2020 shirts I made below.
I can't find your P.O. box in the site.
What is it?
I assume you both want a New York shirt, but let me know.
And it's a pretty lady with a Trump Pence t-shirt on.
You know what just happened?
What should we do?
We don't really have a P.O. box.
We'll hook them up.
But I don't really need shirts.
Like, people are sending us shirts and records and a belt buckle and shit.
I don't know.
I like the Eurotech stuff.
I use the Eurotech keychain.
Oh, cool.
I still got my belt buckle.
But you know what happened today in the car on the drive back?
I finally got Julia Louise Dreyfus' joke.
Remember, she's with Andrew Yang and she goes, Oh, who's the vice president they got again?
Mika, Mika Pinche?
Mika Ponce?
Mika Pince?
And then Andrew Yang goes, I think it's pronounced Ponce.
And I was like, okay, give me two weeks to crunch that joke with my AI algorithms going through, like getting, like mining Bitcoin.
I've been chipping away at this joke and I just got it today.
Do you want to know what the joke is?
What's up?
They, meaning us, have the lamest, most mainstream, boring milquetoast candidates.
It's a guy named Mike and a guy named Don.
We have diverse.
We have Kamala.
I'm Jewish.
I'm talking to an Asian.
We're this cornucopia of diversity, and they're just Mike and Don.
So the joke is, oh, it's so exotic.
What's his name?
Mike Ponce?
Oh.
No, it's just Mike.
Mike and Don.
God, those guys are so lame.
Yeah.
Not like Yang or Julia.
Well, basically.
Louise Dreyfus.
Meanwhile, she's the fucking queen of white privilege.
Her dad collected slave drawings for fun.
So what did you think about Kamala Harris's speech last night?
It was tremendous.
I was so happy for her.
I know, me too.
She was fabulous.
I cannot wait to see her debate our current vice president, Mika Pintz.
Or is it Paints?
It's pronounced Ponce, I believe.
Oh, some kind of weird form.
Said that.
Yeah, not very American sounding.
Oh, God.
That's blue.
That could be maybe.
And the not very American sounding should have tipped me off earlier.
That's like Barack Obama.
I drank beer with my friends.
Sometimes I had too many beers.
I liked beer.
I still like beer.
I did not drink beer to the point of blacking out, drinking beer, which I gladly do.
If every American who drinks beer, every American who drank beer in high school, we drank beer, we drank beer, liked beer, still like beer.
We drank beer, we drank beer.
Too many beers, too many beers.
That's one of those videos, too, where the left sees it and goes, what a fucking mess you guys are.
And we see it and go, what a fucking mess you guys are.
Like, that's bad.
You should make a drop where it goes to Tom Hall's version.
Tom Hall.
He's like, I'll say it again.
I'll lock Bayer.
This is from Censored Biker.
Virtue Signaling Around My Neighborhood.
The first one says, protect queer black lives.
But when you look at it, you just see protect black, which makes you think of a New Zealand rugby team.
Okay.
We'll make sure when they're here that they're okay and no one hurts them.
Some competitive other rugby competitors.
And then Black Lives Matter.
Why is he sending us this?
We don't know where you live, sir.
Just because they're poopy signs.
No room for racism.
You can't see matter in that either.
It's kind of hard to see.
Yeah.
Black on purple is not a good choice.
But they really are injecting the homosexuality into it, too, huh?
But purple on black is...
No room for racism.
Queers are not a race.
Kenosha kid song.
By the way, there's some proud boy from Kenosha has been contacting me, actually threatening me, saying, you better get me on your fucking show or I'll kick your ass.
To tell he has some scoop about Kenosha where it's big.
FBI, CIA, Watergate.
We'll get him on the show.
We'll figure it out once I get my fucking phone fixed.
Okay.
Should have been the opening song.
Yeah.
Or for tomorrow, even.
That could be tomorrow's.
Thanks, dude.
I having trouble with the store.
Okay, that's nice.
Site you just tried to visit looks fake.
Attackers sometimes mimic sites by making small, hard-to-see changes in the URL.
Let's try that.
Actually, I haven't checked out the store in a long time.
We got new shirts.
We got that St. Louis couple shirt, which is fag and sick.
Brian John Spencer, of course.
Don't let me do shots or coke.
Yep.
Clown World, Invade Greenland.
Yep, good stuff.
I really like that shirt.
The Invade Greenland shirt.
Yeah, it's really confusing to people.
Yeah, yeah.
I just wear it around and...
Because it's like, is it racist?
Yeah.
You know, Mike, who we both know?
He had on his car, he had Blue Lives Matter.
Have I talked about this yet?
Some woman runs into the restaurant he's at and goes, there's a racist sticker on a car right in front.
I've not heard that.
And he goes, what?
And she goes, it's the flag with the blue line.
He goes, yeah, that's my car.
That's a cop thing.
It means Blue Lives Matter.
She goes, I know what it means.
He goes, my dad was a cop.
My brothers are cops.
I'm the only one in my family who's not a cop.
What's the problem?
She goes, in this climate right now, it's racist.
It's trivializing black lives.
Everyone around him, too, is going, what?
Like the bartender and the owner were next to him going, what?
What are you...
A cop of a magazine?
There's a blue line on your American flag.
Okay, here's one.
Here's another subject.
I'm glad we...
This is a good thing with the mailbag.
When I forget things, it covers here.
It's covered in the letters.
COVID is about 20% exaggerated, you say?
He's quoting me.
Try 94%.
Right.
Now, so we recently discovered that 6% of the deaths in America had no underlying conditions.
And the left's defense of this is 60 to 70% of Americans have underlying conditions.
Sort of.
You're including a lot of fucking oldies and a lot of newborns with jaundice, etc.
You're not including the normal people you see on the street.
So we're talking about hospitalized people, people in foster, not foster care, but in old folks' homes, all that.
But when you look at the list of the underlying conditions, it ain't dandruff.
So when they say 60, 70%, they're probably including me.
I'm allergic to cats.
They're probably including Ryan.
He has Lyme.
That's actually a big deal.
But is that listed in that article?
They show the underlying conditions.
Influence and pneumonia, huge respiratory failure, hypertensive disease, diabetes, vascular and unspecified dementia, cardiac arrest, heart failure, renal failure, intentional, an unintentional injury, poisoning.
So those are some pretty big deals.
So I guess I was wrong about Corona.
I said it was a pretty big scam.
Turns out it's a fucking huge scam.
Crazy.
Okay, last article because I'm about to pee my pants.
I'm not able to go back home because they have to quarantine after Florida.
My grandparents are like, no.
Well, hasn't it been too leaving the news?
But they are older, so.
Just about now, yeah.
This weekend, I'm good to go.
Sometimes you can buy a minute by jiggling your penis.
Hmm.
It doesn't look good on the bus.
Somebody told me to do this on the bus, literally.
My friend was like, I know it seems counterproductive, counterintuitive.
Pound, like, right above, like, where your bladder would be.
And it, like, kind of just shocks your tubes.
And then you're just like, huh, I guess I don't.
It did kind of work.
Yeah.
It's weird because I was like, dude, I'm trusting you, but if I piss myself, I'm going to be really fucking mad.
Maybe it's your body going, uh-oh, we have bigger fish to fry.
He's being attacked.
Yeah.
Oh, good point.
Huh.
Okay, last letter from Sean wondering if you could comment slash dissect slash opine.
It's Gabrielle Blair.
I know what Gabrielle Blair is at, the cartoonist?
Probably not.
Blair.
At Design Mom.
No, probably not, right?
Gabrielle Blair.
Designer, blogger, New York Times best-selling author, mother of six living in Normandy, France.
I host rad daily parenting discussions.
No, this isn't a graphic novelist.
Sorry for that little sidetrack, folks.
I saw a tweet where someone described what they someone described that when they found out someone they know personally supports Trump, they lose all respect for them instantly.
I liked it and retweeted it, but stopped short of sharing it on Instagram.
Why?
I suppose because I also know Trump supporters in real life, and they already know I hate Trump and know that I will frequently criticize Trump supporters as a group, but I've hesitated to tell them directly that I've lost respect for them individually.
But I woke up this morning, read reports of the final night of the RNC, grew deeply angry.
Now my hesitation is gone.
Reports of the final night of the RNC?
You mean when we were getting attacked?
When Antifa was screaming, fuck you, at geriatrics?
Do you mean when Rand Paul and his wife were almost killed?
The guy who wrote the Brianna Taylor, Justice for Brianna Taylor, bill?
Yeah, the Brianna Taylor bill?
Was that what pissed you off?
That was Rand Paul?
Yeah.
What the fuck are they talking about?
My Instagram account content is different than my Twitter account.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I was a freaking DMRC coming in for design stuff.
My response, I do not create content for you.
Makes me sick to my stomach that you, a Trump supporter, ever read or watch or listen anything I've created.
Oh, no.
You're going to take away your creations.
What a fucking silly cow.
White supremacy is a terrifying view for Jews, too, say in the comments.
See, this is the thing.
Trump supporter in their mind is now the same as white supremacist, pedophile, anti-Semite.
So now I've seen them yell.
Like they just attacked Brandon Stracha after the RNC, by the way.
And they're like, he's filming them.
And he goes, this woman just attacked us.
And then she yells on the camera because she doesn't want to go viral.
She goes, he's a Trump supporter.
Like you're going to watch it and go, oh, shit.
Okay.
Sorry.
Get back to your.
Get back to your attack.
Good work.
Good work.
Yeah, that's it.
On the top left.
I have yet to see this.
I've been pretty up to date.
No, you're never up to date.
You're worse than our readers.
Jacob Blake, Kyle Rittenhouse, not knowing about Jacob Blake, you would deserve a PhD in not knowing stuff.
By the way, Jay Bishop, rest in peace, Jay Bishop was tweeted by the president.
Yep.
He recognized that that happened.
Joins us live.
Thanks so much for coming on.
Tell us what happened.
Where you were at White House for the close of the RNC convention to watch President Trump's speech.
It was a magical evening.
Everything was absolutely incredible, like something out of a storybook.
I was there with a bunch of people from my organization, The Walkaway Campaign, and as I was leaving with two people, Mike Harlow, who's a fellow gay man and conservative activist, and the ED of Walkaway, Libby Albert, we were exiting the convention along with a large group of people,
and there was a small group of BLM hecklers there to harass people as they were walking out.
The majority of the people.
Two friends of mine and I exited and he was a little bit of a left, which ended up being L, and that was BLM.
Looks like they smashed the camera, or they hit the camera.
No, go back, go back.
You're almost there.
The fat one goes, he's a Trump supporter.
I've endured since the wellness.
This is actually...
This is a group that just said.
Don't talk over the footage.
Now we have to see it.
I don't see that footage.
Just Brandon Stracha Faga.
Oh, oh, because they said that.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
But I don't think that's going to come up.
But attacked BLM.
Brandon Stracha attacked BLM.
You saw the one where they call the woman a chink, too?
I don't need to.
None of this surprises me.
This is the problem with so much of the news these days.
Once you sort of are awoke, you're just watching.
Yeah, I know.
does this surprise you one iota?
I'm not judos.
You want to see that?
Little solitude.
Literally walking down the sidewalk.
Don't get me on me.
I need the diamond trunks for murder.
There.
There.
Show that again.
Little solitude you.
Literally walking down the sidewalk.
Fuck you.
Fuck y'all.
I'm not saying y'all.
So when you say that, right?
Are you writing that down as a video drum?
When you say that, it's like, oh, God, I'm sorry.
Yeah, get back to stabbing.
Keep killing him.
I didn't know you were cleaning up society.
So yeah, that woman's a stupid bitch.
And what are you going to do, by the way, with Gabrielle Blair, design mom?
Are you going to explain to her that he's never said anything racist?
Are you going to change your mind?
No, cut her loose.
Say bye.
You're a fucking retard.
And by the way, I hated Obama from day one.
The day he won, I said, you dummies, you think you just elected the Messiah?
He's just another politician and he's corrupt and blah, blah, blah.
And I didn't cut anyone loose.
I didn't say I'm never speaking to you again.
I would just roll my eyes and go, yeah, that's not true.
You ever heard of Fast and Furious?
You ever heard of Benghazi?
You ever heard of spying, of the deal with Iran?
Okay, so we'll get it.
All right, let's go to the end video.
I emailed you that while we were chatting.
My wife said to me this morning, she goes, I can't, because I have my computer in the kitchen of the house we rented.
She was like, I can't hear you watching riots all day.
Because when everyone's having breakfast, I'm watching, this was the video that set her off, too.
This is all she hears.
Like when she's in the living room, she hears this.
It is nerve-wracking.
Oh, yeah, especially when you watch like an hour of them in a row from 12 to 1 a.m. and then try to go to bed.
I didn't hear anyone the fucking thing.
Put your mask on properly.
Whoa!
I'm not saying punch a woman, but this woman's clearly never been punched.
That's right!
Fuck it off!
That's right!
That's right!
You get to keep the flags.
Keep balling!
Keep balling!
Keep balling!
Walk away!
Walk away!
I'm gonna record to you!
I'm recording now!
Please, film me!
Walk away!
Philippe, you're not walking.
Walk away!
What do you mean by the way?
While I go to fight Nazis, I need to have my headphones so I can enjoy some music along the way.
I'm Jewish!
I'm Jewish!
Oh my god.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Every brain should help me explain.
As a matter of fact, I like beard.
My wife walks round the town.
I'm wearing a suit and a tie.
Peace to be birds.
I like beer.
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