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Aug. 7, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:17:13
S02E195 - SUMMER MAILBAG CATCH UP - PART TWO [2020-08-07 - S02E195 - SUMMER MAILBAG CATCH UP - PART TWO]
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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Don.
Those triangles?
Turn it up.
Turn it up.
*thud* *thud*
Seminole Hardcore Band Minor threaten their head salad days.
As with most hardcore bands, they start out rough, ready, and raw, and then get too good at their instruments and either become weird, prog rock, or metal, or they become pop.
Hooskerdew started out rough, ready, and raw with Land Speed Record, and then they got Zen Arcade, and then they got too good and became a pop band.
Candy Apple Gray and Flip Your Wig and albums like that.
Fantastic albums, though.
Replacements, first album, Sorry Maw Forgot to Take Out the Trash.
Pure hardcore.
But they got less drunk and more talented, although Bob Stinson drank himself to death.
And they became a pop band, starting with the album Pleased to Meet Me.
Paul Westerberg went off to have a great pop career, as did Who's Krodu's Bob Mold?
Minor Threat, well, they sort of nipped it in the bud.
So seminal hardcore band out of step.
And then what happened was Ian Mackay rebooted, and he started Fugazi, which was not a hardcore band, but not a rock band, not a metal band.
You know, Discharge were the punk band that got so good at their instruments, they became metal.
Eventually you get too good.
And I kind of like that about punk.
It's about being young.
Even my band, Anal Chinook, we started...
All of a sudden, there was all these long, weird things.
And Black Flag, too.
Little too talented.
That's Peter in the Test tube, babies.
What is that?
What do they mean?
What I mean.
Is that purpose?
On purpose?
Yeah, that was purpose.
What is that purpose?
Why is Ian Stewart there?
That's the Nazi skinhead guy.
Does that come up when you look at my band?
Yeah, 10 racist bands you won't believe are on iTunes.
Screwdriver not on iTunes.
I know that is.
Did you ever play that waiting room cover that a bunch of stupid chicks did?
And they're wearing like Birkenstocks and stuff?
They look like lifeguards and babysitters.
And then...
What did you type in?
Fugazi cover.
And so I'm watching you going, oh, great.
The local sailing club has decided to cover one of the best hardcore or post-hardcore songs of all time.
And then you play it.
And they did an incredible job.
This first one here, right?
Let me see.
Yeah, that's it.
Oh, yeah, we did show the show.
You did?
Look some dumb little girl is playing on a Rickenbacher perfectly.
God, I wish they had on shocks.
Why do they have to wear on Birkenstocks?
Wear on?
Why do they have to wear Birkenstocks?
Don't mess with me.
I have the power of God and anime on my side.
I don't know what that means.
Maybe that's their sorority's motto.
And this song came out way before they were born.
And it's not a girls' song.
Turn it up.
Birkenstocks are not meant to be on stage.
Everybody's moving.
Please don't make me choose a game.
block out the shoes Did somebody do a deep fake with black converse on there?
Yeah.
I'm not joking.
I have to do this.
My daughter and I have different rules than my boys.
I let her do more.
But so my boys, I promise you will never wear Birkenstocks under my roof.
I promise you that.
My girl, I don't know.
I think I might let her, but it would snap daddy's heart in two.
Dad would be crushed.
Anyway, speaking of dads, Ryan wants to get a full sleeve of graffiti.
And I thought it would be best saved for the show.
That's not New York.
That's LA.
That's gay.
Getting any kind of peace is gay.
What you're saying is like, my body's beautiful.
That's not what tattoos are about.
Tattoos are from sailors who went to Polynesia and they went, oh, this is cool.
And they got like a little anchor and a boat.
And it has to mean my body doesn't matter to me.
Like, that's what all my tattoos have been so far, yeah.
Yeah, it means I'm a dude.
Like, what happens when a black widow gives birth?
She eats the male.
That's why women's bodies are so much more important.
That's why women don't really belong in bars because their body is a temple.
Our body is just jackass.
Nitro circus.
Let's do jumps.
Haha, you broke your arm.
It's funny.
Like, if we were doing something dangerous and then you broke your arm and I saw your foot facing the wrong way, I would laugh my ass off.
I mean, assuming we're not in the desert and you could die.
It's funny.
I remember at Vice, Eddie Moretti had been working so hard that he was typing away and he just went and he fainted.
Yeah, that's pretty funny.
And I was dying laughing.
You know?
It's fun.
That's why we do that backyard wrestling.
Jugglos and jugglets.
I love that guy.
Superhuman.
Yeah.
Or just gonna send it.
So that's what tattoos should be.
Like, I've got a lot of gay tattoos.
This is a little too nice, you know?
That's Scott Campbell showing off.
But what I really like is like my homemade ones, like this one, the guy from Bob's Burgers did, of my Buffalo, because my youngest is Johnny Buffalo.
Was that just a freehand?
Yeah.
No, I'm drawing.
How many are freehands on your body?
Not enough.
That's my point.
Like crickety cricket.
I love this.
Ain't no nice guy.
That's kind of funny.
My daughter's hamster's gravestone, you know?
This is back when I was a very dogmatic political teenager.
And I've got a woman's symbol, crass, veganism, like a bull, and peace.
I have a woman's symbol on my arm.
With an E in it for equality.
So what you want to get is little dumb stuff.
Stamps.
Little stamps.
That's all I got.
Stamps.
I don't, I like your tattoos, actually.
Even your weird hand tattoo.
What is that, a fly?
No, it's my band symbol.
Because I thought I was going to move to California and abandon my band.
A band didn't.
I band.
And by the way, you're getting like a memorial for your friend who OD'd?
Yeah, but not...
It doesn't have anything to do with OD.
It's just like...
He had a very specific style.
He had a very uniformed.
It was like a look.
It was part of his aesthetic.
So I'm going with that, and it's going to take up about this much on my arm.
Dude, I don't know.
That's just like.
But I got tons of other reality.
I don't want to be a teacher.
A little date or something.
I understand.
But you have a dead man on your entire shoulder.
But it's not a portrait.
It's depressing.
What I would never ever get is like a portrait.
You know those portraits?
I know, but it's still the concept.
This part of your whole body is death.
Like, I knew this dude, this emo dude in New York in 2000, this girl dumped him.
And so to punish her, he got her dead in a coffin on his inner forearm.
And he showed her, and he's like, you're dead to me.
But you're on my mouth.
I'm immortalized.
No, I'm not dead to you.
I will live as long as you.
I'll die probably in about 50 years.
That's hilarious.
Well, that's my point.
That goes to my point.
Where he keeps his memory alive or whatever like that.
And the style that he went was, I guess it's new.
This is like when my buddy Saul, Jewish guy, Saul Metnik, I go, what'd you do this summer?
We went to Costa Rica.
We did enough blow to kill an elephant.
What'd you do, Saul?
Oh, me and my dad went to visit Auschwitz.
What?
Let me guess.
You were the youngest guy there.
He goes, yeah, yeah.
It was mostly 70 and up.
And I was there at 29.
You know, I'm very proud to be Jewish.
Great.
Congratulations.
But why are you going to a cemetery?
Like, that's death is a bummer, but don't make it a huge part of your arm.
What's up?
I mean, you're doing it tomorrow.
It's like a gravestone.
Maybe.
Could be.
Here, look up Wes Lang.
Wes Lang.
He's, I think, this is what you want, and this is a very New York thing.
LA, they're really into how beautiful I am and stuff, and they get like a piece.
Getting a piece is like, I'm beautiful.
You should just have a hodgepodge of Wes Lang type shit.
Ideally, with a stick and poke or something.
Now, I know I have an entire fucking back piece.
I'm speaking from experience here, folks.
Don't make the same mistakes I have.
I think it's a big stamp.
That's how I see it.
That's bad.
I'm going to go for it.
Get a bunch of little stupid things.
You always got great tattoos.
There's my buddy Curtis Brown.
I wonder if he'll come up.
If you can't spell that, I'm going to shoot you.
Is that with a C?
Yes, it's with a fucking C, Curtis Blow.
Put it in quotes, maybe?
and then maybe try uh...
bad wizard Man, that's him.
I could see his tattoos.
Where is he from?
How the Records Band, Bad Wizard.
There's some more tattoos.
Yeah, they're doing that.
Anyway, I think you're making a mistake.
But that's not the biggest mistake.
The other mistake he's saying is, because I'm like Puerto Rican in Japanese, I'm going to have a Puerto Rican arm with just like bricks and graph.
Oh my God.
I know a guy who has a graffiti tattoo on one arm.
It's his wife's name.
And it's so embarrassing.
He got it in like 96.
And it's so embarrassing that we just don't talk about it.
It's like if you had like a, you know, you were born, your bellicle cord was wrapped around your hand when you were in the womb, and now you have just like a little snoopy elephant trunk for a hand.
You're not going to mention that.
I want a bunch of little graffiti-s type stamps like that.
That's not bad.
Yeah, it's going to be a bunch of little things, like the buildings from Co-op City that, you know, like little things, but in that style, that colorful kind of street art.
That's a hideous style.
That style only looks good on things that are already disgusting pieces of shit, like the Bronx, on an old decrepit building.
It looks kind of neat sometimes to see big, like, that looks so fucking ridiculous.
It's so 90s wigger.
Ugh.
Well, maybe I'm not sold in that, but then.
And just speaking purely aesthetically, graffiti tattoos, it's round and it's colorful.
And that's not what lends itself to tattoos.
Tattoos are better angular and crude.
And for the same reason that Disney tattoos are embarrassing, those Disney heads who go like three times a year and they have Mickey Mouse and stuff.
Mickey Mouse, that aesthetic, that colorful, big, bold circles, it looks good on a comic book or on a TV cartoon.
But on skin, it's gross.
Look up Disney tattoos.
That's what you're getting.
You don't think that looks cool?
You think that looks cool?
Yeah.
It looks so, it looks so rich white kid who moved to Brooklyn and has like a graffiti sketchbook.
Remember that guy we featured at the end of the show yesterday who was screaming because he was bleeding?
Yeah.
That guy has graffiti tattoos.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, that is a bad look.
What about like religious, like Mother Mary religious tattoos?
Yeah, I like that.
That I might go for it.
Look, a piece is so gay.
Something like that.
It's like you saying your arm is beautiful.
Let's see, Mary.
Like when those stupid porn star chicks will get a squid that goes, you know, up half her thigh and across the butt cheek.
And then there's like seaweed here.
And what you're saying is, I'm a work of art.
And I don't like it on chicks, but it's not the end of the world, but on dudes.
That's fucking cool.
No, it's too pretty.
But line arty.
Yeah, not too flowy and flow realistic.
It's big, too.
Like, Jesus, get over the Virgin Mary.
Jesus doesn't even like her that much.
I like that.
Like, your tattoos are good now.
Your weird little cross.
That's a good look.
But don't go getting a, I don't know if I, I can't stop you.
And of course, this is good for the show because if he has a big, dumb gravestone on his arm, we can make fun of him.
That's not a gravestone at all.
Yes, it is.
And graffiti would be hilarious.
So that's a win-win for us.
The graffiti part of it.
But I'm not even speaking to you because I want you to get terrible tattoos.
I'm more speaking to the people I care about, which is our subscribers.
I don't want to tell them, don't get a piece.
Get hodgepodge brick-a-brac.
Yeah, I might.
I might.
I like the filled-in look, though.
Couldn't you also connect them?
Like, are you against that?
So you have a bunch of stamps and stuff.
Would you ever connect it?
Like, you could put some money.
This is pure, and you're the king of this.
This is pure vanity.
I would like it to look good.
That's not what men are about.
Have you seen a scrotal sack?
Yeah, I mean, I'm not, that's not my prized possession.
My scrotal sack.
That's God saying, stop trying to be pretty.
It's not pretty.
It's just, you know.
It's pretty.
Look at that one you just looked at.
What?
No, show it.
Oh, I showed me.
That's pretty.
Akoi fish.
Waves.
I have those same stupid waves.
You have the same waves.
Yeah.
From when I was a 20-year-old megalomaniac.
Anyway, I can't help the unhelpable.
This is a special episode.
This is Mailbag Catch Up Part 2, Summer Mailbag.
That's why I'm wearing a similar shirt.
This has, I believe it's pronounced pini palis.
You don't put it on pizza.
Pineapples.
Pinnea apples.
Like a penny whistle.
Pina papalus.
And they're from a place called Hawaii.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dead.
Let's turn our eyes together.
Let me touch it.
I saw I get junk mail from Blaze TV, my ex-boss.
I don't really, it doesn't bother me.
I think they regret firing me, so it doesn't hurt my feelers.
But that's weird because I get Blaze Mail from Junk TV.
I like that one a lot.
Really?
So Dave Rubin, who I'm liking less and less on a daily basis, has a very intense announcement, you guys.
You ready for this?
This is one of the bravest people.
Like Joe Biggs was in Afghanistan and his Humvee drove over in IED and he soared through the air and then landed and was shot at.
It's a little brave.
Not so much.
Dave Rubin, on the other hand, and it's ironic that Biggs is the one who's going to get a purple heart, not Dave.
Dave Rubin's going off the grid for 30 days.
Now, hold on.
I don't just mean he's going to be at his friend's cottage, which he probably will be.
No social media, no news, no internet for a whole month.
What a man.
Dave, that's called a long vacation.
It's not really heroic or intense.
And let me tell you what's going to be happening when you get back.
COVID will still be a big deal.
They'll be pushing for kids not to go back to school.
They'll be pushing for the ballots to be mail-in.
The right will be pushing against that.
The riots will have slowed down to a creaky pace.
That's about it.
Everyone will still be shitting on Trump.
He'll have made some other blunder according to the left.
and the right will still be sick to death of the spoiled brat minority.
Music Anyway, that's not in my real name.
Remember that guy who wrote in saying, could I get a subscription?
Just so you know what kind of guy I am?
I abandoned my family and moved to Australia.
Great pitch.
Okay.
Fuck atheism.
I agree.
But in a normal world, you can disagree with people.
Like I was saying to these old ladies I met in my town.
They said, look, we think it was terrible the way you were treated.
We're happy you're here or whatever.
And I said, you know, I haven't lived in the suburbs since the 80s, since 1988, and when I was 18.
And back then, you had no clue.
It didn't occur to me, and this was naive, that there's neighborhoods that are politically cohesive.
Like, don't you just want to be by the water or something?
I want to be by the water.
I want a five-bedroom and I want my neighbors to think exactly the same way I do about politics.
It seems very, why add that extra loophole?
And I also said to them, if my neighbor came over and told my dad how he voted, my dad would go, okay, man, what are you doing?
No one gave a fuck.
Any his, I just got a brutal craving for a beer.
Why did I take the beer from the fucking studio?
Why are you gay?
So yeah, like it was in my day, I can talk to atheists.
I'm best pals with Kangaroo Jack.
I don't give a fuck that he doesn't believe in God.
In fact, next time we get person to person, I'd love to have a sit down and film it and just talk to him about at least deism, at least convince him of a higher power.
We don't need to get lost in the woods with Noah's Ark.
Anyway, fuck atheism, he says, and he's got a bunch of links.
So I guess we have to go through it.
Did you get this one?
I did.
I got a read, read, read, read.
T-L-D-R.
And then we've got DuckDuckGo.
He's got Lionsgate.
What is the Lionsgate Portal 8820 activation?
Okay, this person is starting to sound like a lunatic.
This is a little kooky.
This is a good one.
I know.
Too many dark spaces.
How many views does that have?
Too many dogs.
A half of a million.
Interesting way to phrase it.
563,000.
Wait, what is this song?
Is this the third link?
Yeah.
But go back to Lionsgate.
What the fuck is this now?
Okay, go to Lionsgate.
Now go down to those...
Not this?
So what?
We're going to go to heaven in August 8th.
Hello, beautiful divine cosmic beings.
This is a video about the Lionsgate portal and the most important things that you need to know about this portal.
As always with every portal, I'm sure we're all thinking the same thing, and that is if you are a super duper Christian and you marry your first love and you don't sleep with anyone else, I think we all know that the sex is way better than what we experience.
Every year from July 26th till approximately August 13th, this portal peaks on August 8th or 8-8.
So 8-8 is what's typically known as the Lionsgate portal, but it is a much bigger scaled portal than just one day.
This being that the energies begin to rise for the peak day and then they dissipate to allow us to integrate and process the change that's brought forth.
So this Lionsgate portal has been celebrated and revered throughout history on Earth.
This is a portal that was known by the ancient Egyptians and the ancient Mayans.
What the fuck is a portal?
We go into another dimension.
A complete contention well saluted.
I see all.
It's a bit of the mind flip.
We're into the time slip.
Well, she explains.
How many views does this have?
915.
Okay.
You can think of it as a phoenix rising enemy.
Oh, thank you.
I wish you all nothing but the best, and I'm actually a little heartened that whatever this magic thing is is good news, right?
Like when someone tells you the world is going to end on August 8th, you go, fuck.
Probably not true, but if it is true, that sucks.
This is probably not true, but if it is true, there's some sort of cool cosmic thing happening in August.
Where will we be?
I think we'll be away on our secret trip.
There's a couple of secret trips.
A lot of secret trips.
Unfortunately, they all involve Florida.
Well, one does.
They all involve Florida.
Well, two do.
But I don't think I'm going to make it to the first one.
Oh, man.
Pitchfork news.
This is, wow, I realized I'm dumbed in.
Chris Krack releases new album, Good Cops Don't Exist.
Okay, that's obviously fucking absurd, and this kid is clearly a retard, right?
But Francesca Ramsey, if you watch Kangaroo Jack's last video, or two videos ago, that's her thesis.
And that is MTV's Decoded.
That's a show on MTV owned by Viacom, one of the largest media companies in the world.
And they are showing you a victim of police brutality that was murdered by thugs who were just murdering her for her money.
And they're saying this is an example of police brutality.
All the police did with that case was catch the perps and throw them in jail.
Where the fuck is the PBA?
Don't all cops pay into this?
Don't all cops in America pay into one policeman benevolence association?
And if they do, I'm glad those guys are fighting for their pensions and all that other shit and telling everyone to kneel.
But can you sue some people?
Like, where is the PR wing of the PBA?
Sue fucking MTV.
Because they have a host of a show who's as radical as a mentally deranged crackhead.
I don't know if he's a crackhead.
His name is Chris Krack.
He's probably tried it.
It seems like he's against crack.
Black don't crack unless you smoke it.
Okay.
What's he got to say about pigs?
900 black men killed every year.
That's three more than spider bites.
Wait, he might like.
We need to make a change.
Crackheads live longer than vegans.
Not sure that's true?
I'd like to see the data on that.
Thanks.
Thank you, Chris Krack.
Your talent is unbound.
I try rap every now and then again.
It just bores the shit out of me.
Hey, my husband and I are approaching 50.
Whoa.
Married for almost 30 years.
Congratulations.
He loves porn.
Boo.
Oof.
He insists we watch it together.
Yay!
Because he needs it to get aroused.
I don't like it.
Yay.
But after arguing about it often, he thinks I enjoy it, but I hate it.
I was honest initially that I hate it, but he got so angry and told me if I want him to be interested in my female body, he was going to be interested in others as well.
He gets so focused on the porn, he doesn't even notice me.
I am fit.
I'm not overweight, but I have pancake tits, and they look like two pieces of bologna that were just thrown at my chest and stuck there.
They have zero meat in them at all.
And if you were to cut them open and look inside, it would just look like you separated two pancakes.
Just kidding.
I added all that stuff in other tits.
I'm mature.
No, she says, I am fit.
I am not overweight.
I try to keep myself together and dress nice.
I do makeup and hair.
He occasionally searches social media for women as well.
To my knowledge, he doesn't message them.
What can I do?
Is this normal?
Thank you, God.
I don't like you more than a friend.
Ooh, this is a tough one.
Because I hate porn.
I did try.
If you and your wife love porn together, I think that's great.
It's good for your marriage.
That's what Mercedes would always say to me when I criticized her vocation.
Something wrong with that.
Like, that's why there's this myth that they say proud boys aren't allowed to beat off.
No, we said you're only allowed to ejaculate within a yard of a woman with her consent.
We beat off every day if you want.
Like, say your significant other broke her vagina and it fell off.
And you can do oral and fucking wanks.
That's fine.
Just don't beat off alone.
That's the problem.
Now, when you watch porn, it is coveting thy neighbor's wife.
It's less than literally doing it, but you are lusting after another woman.
And in a perfect world that one time you do fall from grace and beat off, you should be thinking about your wife.
Now, if you need porn to get off, you need to covet to get off.
And I think what happens is you end up enjoying the coveting more.
Like you're not recognizing it as a sin.
I know I sound religious.
Try to take religion out of it if you're an atheist.
But you're not recognizing it as a vice if that's easier to digest.
And it has consequences when you keep doing that.
That being said, if you were to go through my phone and scroll and scroll 3,000 pictures, you're going to find occasionally one in 100 is going to be some pretty girl I saw on Instagram or came up through some other search and I saved it.
And I remember my dad, when I was a kid, he would look at Playboy.
I think he had a subscription.
I remember I was probably 10 years old and I said to my mom, Mom, does daddy look at those girls because he doesn't love you?
The next day, there was a contractor bag of Playboys.
And I was asked to take the garbage out.
I'm not throwing out them.
Playboys are gold when you're 10.
So I brought them to school and they filled up my entire locker.
Oh my God.
Because I thought I'd sell them or something and I never got around to it.
My son's on the cover of a magazine.
Kind of.
He jizzed on the cover of a magazine.
So obviously there's a balance here and you're allowed some vice.
You're allowed to, I don't know, occasionally look at porn or occasionally say that girl's hot.
And it's healthy for a man to go, Jesus, what a fucking knockout.
But it has to be at a distance.
And if you're touching yourself when you're looking at these women, that's not a distance.
You have to appreciate beautiful women when you're married the way you appreciate art or something and just go, hmm, great job.
Wow, you're probably a 10.
If I was single and you were single, I would want you, but I'm not.
So I'm just sort of looking at it like a Ford Galaxy, 1959.
Just a beautiful work of art.
So this guy's got to quit porn, my dear.
If he needs porn to fuck you, he's actually getting more distant, farther away.
You guys got a problem here.
And porn ruins thousands of marriages every year.
Should I say that?
How many marriages end a year?
I remember seeing the stat, and I thought it was 500.
Because when I'm in the doghouse with my wife, I'm on the couch.
There's nowhere, I'm not getting any sex because I don't watch porn.
So it sucks to be in the doghouse.
There's only one source of water in our house, and it's my wife's vagina.
When that spigot's cut off, I start dying of starvation, of dehydration.
How many people get divorced in one year?
Did you see that?
A typo in the fucking header?
Divorces per hour, 100.
What?
So it's several thousand divorces a year.
Half a million.
But go back, look up how many porn causes how many divorces.
Anyway, while he looks that up, I'll tell you, you got a problem, lady.
Alex.
This is from Alex.
Sorry, one more question.
Who's the girl on the cover of the Vice Guide to Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll?
That was a chick we called Boink or Bonk.
And she was a white trash chick who has come around Terry Richardson's studio quite a bit.
And I don't think they would fuck.
But she was funny looking.
She's in the book elsewhere.
And I think we had her in Vice Photo Shoots.
Funny looking girl.
Pretty young.
Probably 19.
And then I think she got into drugs, being on the Vice Guide to Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll.
What are you looking up now?
Oh, I got the porn thing, by the way.
500,000 marriages annually.
But it questions, is that really true?
Yeah, because that guy watches porn.
Look up the Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll because I got some gossip.
So she started going down the wrong path, probably being associated with us, and became a born-again Christian, I'm told.
Got married, changed her identity, vanished.
What's going on?
Yeah, her.
She's not that hot, dude.
Especially now that I'm 50.
That looks like a child.
Looks like Desmond is amazing.
Another Alex 2.
Oh, it's the same Alex.
Jesus.
Should someone get two letters?
No.
This one's from Stephen.
Oh, I can't say his last name.
Hey, Gav, first off, I remember a video of a 20-year-old Gavin walking on his parents' swimming pool on Stinson Avenue.
I wanted to show you my girlfriend, Young Yu, but I can't find it anymore.
Was I just imagining this video?
Where'd it go?
My brother found that somewhere, and I put it up on social media.
I've got dreads.
And yeah, I don't know where it is.
Second, do you still have a clip of the TGMS segment where you used a screen, green screen, to climb inside Mercedes' vagina?
Now that she's suffering in prison for false accusations, it might be nice to show people how great her sense of humor is.
It's probably one of the few things that kept her sane in that cage.
Happy 60th, buddy.
Remember, I also Put Hitler in her vagina.
It's funny that Max and John had to suffer through all these quotes from my show.
Like my show was this dogmatic, racist thing.
He used Hitler and had sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, it was like how early Stern goofball shit.
And there they are rotting in prison.
Don't pull it up, Ryan.
It's pornographic.
I'm sure I couldn't find it anyway.
This is from Grace.
From a New York Times article about Zimbabwe, Sithole country, she spells it wrong.
Mr. Manangagwa took power on a promise of renewal, but his critics associate him with the same excesses that define Mr. Mugabe's legacy.
Duh.
Authoritarian rule, financial missteps, rampant graft, plummeting living standards, and a teetering economy.
You'll notice they didn't use an Oxford comma.
This is the New York Times.
Very disappointing.
In reality, there is nothing new, said Obey Sithol.
Oh, I see why she said it wrong.
A leading opposition campaigner who went into hiding days before the planned protest.
Instead, we have seen the perfection of the art of repression.
Yeah, it's all bullshit.
And all that money they're offering white farmers to come back to Zimbabwe, say no.
You're not getting any of it.
It's going right into the corrupt government's pocket.
But I was thinking today about how the American political sphere is meant to be black versus white.
And that's such a reductivist way to see it.
A black conservative was just stabbed during the riots for being a black conservative.
So it's not black versus white.
It is a very specific type of bad guy.
They don't hate whites.
They don't hate white liberals.
They love Joe Biden, apparently.
But they hate, I think the perfect example of who they hate is the Covington Catholic Schoolboys.
Young Tucker too.
Young, healthy, male.
Well, Tucker's Protestant, but religious, Christian, healthy, successful, and not interested in what the latest words are in trans bathrooms, not taking any of that bait and not even saying sorry or being unapologetic about their apathy towards the latest trends.
That's a very specific type of white guy.
Not Jewish.
You know, not an obese gamer.
And then the person that we hate is a very specific type of person.
They tend to be white.
They tend to be non-religious, secular.
And they seem to be broken up in a couple groups, like boomer moms with an axe to grind, and then lonely young spinster woman and rich kids.
That's the second group is sort of all one.
So it reminded me of South Africa where they just go, it's blacks versus whites.
No, it's eight tribes, four versus four.
Only one of these tribes is white, but all these guys are on the same side.
All these guys are socialists.
If anything, this imminent civil war in South Africa is socialist versus free market.
Yes, you see a white guy on this side, and yes, you see lots of blacks on this side.
That's because it's in fucking Africa.
So let's get out of this reductivist black versus white shit.
It's what they do.
That's black lives matter.
We're having an ideological war, and it's really just practical, rational people who believe in meritocracy versus ideologues, lunatic propagandists, Soviets, basically, who are brainwashing themselves and each other into thinking that there's a reality that exists that is not reality.
Like Tiffany Hadish thinking that she can't have a kid or we're going to fucking shoot it for sport the next day.
It's like she thinks she's a rhino in the Serengeti, and some safari guys are going to show up and kill her kids to use them as a fucking head mount.
All right.
I wonder if, do you think the protesters would be like if they had a candidate that wasn't have, you know, with dementia, that they would be, they would be like, oh, cool, at least we have a candidate in there.
Or doesn't that fuel the protest more?
Because they're like, well, Trump's already winning.
I mean, this guy's...
I know they recognize that Biden is a problem, which is why they say things like Trump is not well.
That was a hashtag the other day.
But I think they'd be acting exactly the same.
I mean, they were acting exactly the same with Hillary.
Yeah.
I was kind of hoping, like, Trump winning, like that, those riots, they kind of maybe this will just get that over with.
Like, this will be a two-in-one.
That's going to be bad.
They're insatiable.
Hello, Gavin Rice Guy.
Old news, but came to mind while listening to July 20th GML show.
This video of Glenn Danzig from the Misfits never gets old.
I think it's pretty old.
Yes, Glenn Danzig was talking shit to a bouncer, as we all do, and he got knocked out.
Should he have to wear that like an albatross around his neck for the rest of his life?
He lost a fight.
He's got a wide wingspan.
That damn thing.
Yeah, the guy's not a professional boxer.
Not about to see a lie.
Okay, so Glenn Danzig lost a fight one million years ago.
When was that, like the 90s?
Yeah.
Backstory.
Northside Kings, fronted by old New York hardcore skin who transplanted to Phoenix and almost single-handedly revived its punk hardcore scene, was playing in a shithole in Tuba City, opening for Danzig.
No idea why Danzig set a show way out there.
Anyways, the show fell behind schedule because the promoter was disorganized.
Danzig decided to go on early, and NSK, along with three other bands, were told they'd be forced to play after him.
Once Danzig was done, he turned on the lights and closed the show.
Video below show the ensuing aftermath.
This one video did more for the Northside Kings' career than any tour or record.
They made these fucking great shirts to commemorate the event.
It features the Danzig logo, knock the fuck out.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
I saw a video today of a fist fight going on in 1901.
No.
And it's people leaving a factory after a hard day's work and some guy hits the other guy's hat off and no one gives a shit.
That's the way it should be.
Like I was thinking about this today.
What if I walked up to someone and said something like, What are you going to do?
Oh, I saw it in black and white, and there it is in color.
This is what I was talking about.
You may have to get me out of the picture.
There it is.
No one cares.
Like, the guy with the cigar isn't even laughing.
He's just like, he has a fight going on.
That is cool.
That's the way it should be.
Yeah, I got shit to do.
You guys handle that.
And you should fight.
If someone, if you have a problem with someone, if someone acts out of line, if I go up someone and go, hey, fuck face, your mother's a whore.
Bunk.
Bunk me in the nose.
But there's so, who has had enough of cops standing like this and someone going, you're a fucking disgrace.
You're a bitch.
See all these people here?
You're not protecting them.
You protect the rich.
You're a fucking, you're a rich.
And then they go to the black guy.
You're a race traitor.
Saw a guy today calling a black cop a broke ass nigga.
Ouch.
And he's just sitting there like, can you just punch him, please?
This is from William.
About your nursing home abuse segment.
Please do not say my name.
Oh, no.
I might get fired.
I might get in trouble.
Morning, Gavin.
I work in a unit.
Oh, okay.
That's why we can't say your name.
I work in a unit within the government that deals with offenders within nursing homes.
Surprisingly, there is only one program that does this within the U.S. and a few micro programs.
Most nursing homes are run by big private equities.
To maximize profits, almost all nursing homes within the United States are now nursing and rehabilitation homes.
That seems like a bad plan.
Why don't you throw homeless in there?
Which means you can have 20 or 18-year-old career criminal rooming with your 80-year-old grandma.
What the fuck?
How did I not know this?
And what most people don't talk about is your older grandmas are on the same floor or might share a room and a private bathroom with a child molester, pimp, or sex offender.
With child molesters, depending on your state law, they cannot be within 500 feet of schools, parks, and like I said, majority of states do not have laws that watch older residents of nursing homes.
And I assume if you're a pervert that can fuck a kid, you're a pervert that can fuck a 90-year-old.
Also, last thing you want, and most people don't think about it, your grandma who might have dementia being around a former pimp who has access to your grandma's room and private bathrooms.
Yeah, you already said that.
They say nursing homes have a lot of STDs, and many people joke about it because they think old people are getting it on.
Have you ever considered a young criminal might be abusing older women with dementia?
No, I didn't consider that.
Most people don't really know about this unless they worked in a nursing home or investigate abuse within nursing homes.
Wow!
John Rowe, Dadderol, Facebook ad.
It's a real thing.
I thought I invented Dadderol.
Someone stole my fucking joke.
Dadderol!
Wait a minute.
It's spelled the same as Adderall.
Oh no, Adderall has one L?
Wait, you can't do that.
I'm not talking about stealing my joke anymore.
I'm talking about the drug.
It's A-D-D-E-R-A-L-L.
Yeah.
What the fuck is going on?
You can't legally just put a D in front of it?
I don't think so.
The whole thing about copyright is what people think it was.
Like if you had a Kim Kardashian lookalike and you never said Kim Kardashian, she could still sue because if you interviewed 10 people, they all thought it was Kim Kardashian.
So similarly, talk to 10 people, they all might assume that Adderall is part of this.
But this was a joke I made.
I'm lost.
Early January, the Adderall.
Just about finished, as you can see.
Great product.
I take about two scoops to get that real strong caffeine effect.
No crash.
Very clean product.
Definitely a better option than buying a rock or monster product.
Something like that.
Give it a try.
So it's just a fucking caffeine type of thing enhancer with all that stuff.
But I guess the thing I'm most surprised of, surprised by, is that they can use the word Adderall in their name.
And they don't market it as like a funny thing.
And that's kind of surprising because.
This is from Brock.
I have a kilt question.
If you are dying from the heat, why don't you go full Scotsman and get some linen or cotton kilts?
And for that special occasion, silk.
Thanks.
Well, somebody's knees get chilly.
I should wear a silk kilt.
Have you ever mentioned about your knee problem, which I share?
Oh, my knees get chilly in AC.
Me too.
And your knees would not be protected with a kilt.
Yeah, so that's some bad advice.
Guys who wear kilts are fucking dorks and often vegans.
Hey, not wedding bed, Gavin.
I guess he heard about my recent tale where I only wet one pocket of my pants and the couch was dry as a bone.
I woke up because I was pissing and I put 90% of the piss in the toilet.
What have you ever done?
After I did some videos for my YouTube channel, I got doxxed.
Full name and location plus my picture with comments that I am highly sexist and openly right-wing, which means in Germany you're literally Hitler.
That is fucking true.
And I just read about a guy today who was, they went to his house and they took all his guns.
No, no, that was an American guy.
Yeah, they went to his house, took his guns because he was saying genuinely racist shit, but you're allowed to say horrible stuff.
You don't lose your guns.
But no, in Germany The other day, where did I read this?
Bald guy.
He's a right-wing dude, like me, basically, like a normal conservative or normal non-liberal.
And all of these liberals got these hate letters.
Yeah, so that's one guy.
But in Germany, this guy is probably as conservative as Obama and Hillary were in 2004.
They want borders, they are against gay marriage, that kind of shit, right?
So all these liberals got this letter from him, email or whatever, saying that, I don't know, he's going to kill them, they're evil, and the race war is coming.
And then it was signed, some genuinely dangerous, like neo-Nazi group that don't exist anymore, but were powerful in Germany for a bit, I don't know.
And then he signed his name, signed, put his name with his home address.
So the cops come in and they go, you're going to jail for hate.
And he goes, why would I include my home address in a letter to people that I'm threatening to kill?
And they go, fuck you, you're under arrest.
So he's been scooped up after being framed.
So you think it's bad here?
Try Europe.
Try Germany.
Find that guy.
Where the hell did I find it?
Dozens of reads over online hate speech that happened.
There's a thing that happens, apparently.
So if you Google me, it's the first thing that comes up about me.
I don't want to bitch about that because I knew it would happen if you challenge clown role, but I didn't expect that there's something I can do about it.
I don't care so much about employees Googling me because I've always got a job somewhere else as a nurse.
But I'm trying to take a college course.
No, I'm trying to, but I'm trying to take a college.
She's very nice and we get along goog.
After sometimes she driving me home and she mentioned that she googled me.
And in fact, it was the first thing she did after I started in that company.
So I had to explain everything to her that I'm not Hitler, blah, blah, blah.
So this is kind of crazy to me that people Google each other.
It's understandable to me that you are curious, but it seems to me with all the millennials girls, I will have a hard time dating.
Yeah, change your name then.
I wrote Google.
They said there's nothing they can do.
How naive are you to think you can write Google?
He goes on and on.
I was always against doxing.
I don't know.
This terrible grammar is getting on my nerves.
By the way, you parlurt that Ben Shapiro is anti-Proud Boys.
When did he say that?
He didn't specifically say that, but he is anti-our vibe.
Did you find that guy yet?
I think he's a politician.
Now I have to look at it.
German politician.
Do you remember what site was in Gateway?
Vested hate mail.
German politician's assassination.
It might have been...
Or maybe it was that right-wing Gringa.
Okay, anyway, doesn't matter.
The fighting Fedora.
I'm as good as any man.
That's tough.
Say what?
It's the next...
You get the idea.
This is a woman who can just take any dude, including rip dudes at the peak of their health.
Oh, my God.
I just broke my arm.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Let's see that again.
No.
Okay.
Oh!
I can't do without pushing my arm.
Oh, my God.
I just broke my arm.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That sounds so bad.
I didn't even look at it once.
I saw it the first time, but I didn't.
You didn't see it?
I did the first time.
There's a whole compilation of them.
Cool.
I'm not interested.
I didn't.
Here, go to the next one.
Okay.
Where do you see that?
It's called Bone Snaps During Arm Wrestling Match.
This is my new favorite thing.
Go.
Is it this one in the bottom right?
No, but that might be another one.
I'm not arm wrestling ever again.
That reminds me of that video I made with you.
Oh.
shared folder.
Oh, come on Laura!
Oh shit!
Oh my fuck!
Let me see that one again.
No, go back.
I want to see the girl.
Come on, Laura.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
Laura.
Like, this is so perfect.
Wait, is your airdrop open?
It could be.
Why don't you drop it in the old shed, no?
No.
Okay.
I'll turn on.
Ladies, what are you doing?
You're different than us.
I'm open.
Okay.
Uh, airdrop.
And it's, I guess it's Mac Mini.
You're so sensitive.
Me?
Yeah, why are you such a baby?
I have a thing about broken arms.
What?
Yeah.
I want to see another one now.
Why don't you do that in your own time?
No.
People get disgusted by this.
You know how many letters I get where they say that's gross?
Yeah, I don't care.
I didn't get your thing yet.
John Morris'John Morris' Nothing's appearing?
I mean, it's not very big.
I could probably email it to you.
It could be good.
Mail.
Shit is slow here, isn't it?
It's a little slow.
Stop telling me shit.
My computer's telling me that I'm trying to send it something.
Oh, it's 17 megs.
Don't worry, folks.
That should be good.
I think 25 is the tops.
I'm going to call it.
I'll tell you what I'll call it.
You know, one time, speaking of airdrop, I was at the airport, and my son always wears Mets gear.
And some woman just, and this is at the peak of me being attacked, airdrops him in a video of Noah Syndergaard pitching live because she was at spring training, but didn't say anything to him.
I called the FBI.
No, you didn't.
Yeah, I did.
I had an agent who I was talking about on a daily basis.
I was getting death threats every day.
Oh, I see.
Oh, I see.
Put on another bone snapper.
Okay.
Doesn't matter which one?
No.
Watch it.
Look at it.
Man, I'm sizing it up.
How long is the money on watching?
I can see her looking away.
I'm looking at it.
That's how I'm resizing the screen.
Oh, I see.
That sucked.
Wait, who's the victim?
The man with the broken screen.
Watch it.
Watch it.
I don't want to.
Watch it.
Oh, my goodness.
I don't like these at all.
Watch it.
I am.
It's two chicks.
I could watch this one.
Oh!
Put the camera on you.
We want to see you suffer.
Wait.
No, no.
I want to see the video and you.
It's not possible.
Why not?
Fine.
I have to set it up then.
No, don't set it up.
Can't you just make me the video?
I can make me the video or make me the...
And then make you the other.
Okay, there we go.
This is pleasant.
Oh, that's not it.
Keep watching.
Oh!
I don't like it at all.
Oh!
Alright, I think the airdrop thing happened.
Just two more.
Alright, let me make sure.
I didn't know this was so common.
Okay, don't worry about that for now.
That's got a load.
I want to see you look at people break their arms.
Okay.
Should I this is this bad framing?
I don't care.
Okay, here we go.
This is better.
I did it.
I got a few other guns.
Oh, it's so loud!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, Jesus!
I just don't.
This is like snuff porn, but for arms.
Put it back on.
You're gonna get a lot of complaints.
This ain't good.
Oh!
Alright, I've had enough.
Any O-load yet?
I don't get how people could watch that.
Like, I never get it.
What do you mean you don't get it?
We just did it.
It's not like people are sitting there watching and eating a bowl of Cheerios.
No, my buddy Hodge will do that.
He'll watch, like, people dying, and he's like, huh.
That guy fell funny.
Yeah, I can't do that.
I hate that stuff.
It's like actual death, terrorism, blood.
When I was first moved to New York, there was a site called rotten.com.
Oh, yeah.
I remember Rotten.
And even the webpage image, the landing image.
Oh, there was like heads ripped to total shreds.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I remember I'd see something and you go, I probably don't want to see this.
Oh, maybe I'll click on it.
And then you'd click on it and you go, why did I do that?
Exactly.
You'd hate yourself.
Exactly.
I know this is taking a long time, folks.
Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
Did you get it yet?
Look how long it takes to send a fucking 20 megabyte video.
You got it?
I'm getting good at it, if you will.
Okay, let's make this the whole screen.
Folks, Ryan is such a pussy when it comes to bugs that you should take me out of this.
No, you can see it there.
Yep.
That's a plastic or rubber cockroach I put on his desk.
Watch how he handles it like a man.
Tight by your phone.
I hate you.
*laughter*
Tarot terrible.
That's like there was this vice parody in Britain called Grape Ape?
The Rise of the Idiots?
Remember this?
Rise of the Idiots.
The guy had a name.
Dan Ashcroft.
Nathan Barley.
Yeah, Nathan Barley was this editor, and I think it was meant to be me.
It was a parody of me.
And I'm looking at this guy, the vice editor, what a dick he is.
And I'm like, this guy seems pretty funny to me.
But there's a clip where he's zapping his intern.
The idiot's self-adventing consumer slaves, oblivious to the paradox of their uniform individuality.
They sculpt their hair to casual perfection.
They wear their waistbands below their balls.
They babble into handheld twit machines about that cool email of the woman being bombed by a wolf.
Their cool friend made it.
He's an idiot.
Why are you showing it, Duman?
Look away for a second.
Welcome to the age of stupidity.
Hail the rise of the idiots.
Anyway, I can't find it, but that Nathan Barley guy, the vice editor, he oh, yeah, there he is.
Maybe it's in that one.
Keep scrolling.
Sugar Apes was the name of the vice magazine.
Oh, did it end?
This is episode one.
Okay, try episode one.
Try episode one.
Keep going.
His nerves get constantly tested by a fan.
Is that the zap?
Go back.
Yeah, this is.
This is it?
This is well this is one of the things he does.
This is exactly what I just did to you.
Pingu, coffee!
Love action.
Well, slide.
It was empty.
It was empty.
That's supposed to be you?
Yeah, I guess they were accurate.
Nailed it.
All right, sorry.
Let's get back to work here.
This is from Adam.
And he says, hey, Gavin and Archduke Faginand, a couple of things.
Actually, koalas aren't bears.
Okay, thank you.
Actually.
Number two, actually, when you breathe out, a large portion is made up of oxygen.
So when you breathe in another person's breath, it is still highly oxygenated.
That's how CPR works.
Warmest regards, Adam.
Okay, thank you, sir.
Swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat.
This is from Charlie.
Latin music is ear aids.
Dear Gavin, and the Supreme Chancellor of the Fag Zone, Latin Music and Mariochi Music is one context-sized step above African stick music.
I'm writing this email angrily because I just had my ears sodomized by what I would consider bad Mexican yodeling and bunch fucking grown-ass men in public doing that stupid hoot and holler.
Yee, aye, bullshit.
It is fucking terrible.
All of it.
Marengue, fucking salsa, Cuban.
That's crazy talk.
Just too many instruments.
I appreciate the culture and I acknowledge people's choices in music.
However, as a musician, I think mariachi and fucking horchata, I was pretty sure that was a fucking milk drink, is primitive and requires no complex thinking or music theory.
There seems to be no organization to the music.
No drums to keep a rhythm.
Yeah, it's just like Of course, Ryan's context for this is a children's booth.
It's some of the most rhythmic stuff out there, Latin music.
No bass guitar for the low end and a bunch of fucking instruments that don't complement each other.
To top that off, there isn't any use of varying dynamics.
How loud?
Applied to the singing or the instruments.
Just a bunch of grown-ass men strumming their guitars as loud as possible.
A fucking trumpet tooting at ear rape volume and bellowing lyrics at the top of their fucking lungs into your ear.
Mariachi is a fucking street performer music.
Lots of swears here, Charlie.
Four guitars, a trumpet that is too fucking loud, and four guys singing at the top of their lungs corner you in the street and follow you around blaring this bullshit till you pay them.
Then some asshole decides to record this shit and sell it to retards.
Instead of singing along to the lyrics, just make a bunch of chimpanzee screeches in public.
It goes without saying that I'm a huge fan.
I just got off deployment on a ship in the South China Sea, which is totally fucked, by the way.
And I would try and download at least the free podcast or audio version of the show whenever we made port.
Your show got me through some dark times and has successfully red-pilled the majority of my Marines.
I appreciate how you can break down complex bullshit into stuff us retards can understand while still enjoying the show.
Thanks, that's very nice.
Music It's just like it's just like the sound of the ocean.
It's just sounds.
And every time, I remember when I used to try to give a shit about it, I'd be in the Northside taxi with Puerto Ricans in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
I go, what is this?
Oh, it's marenge.
Yes, but who's the artist?
Is it marengue?
Yes, but who, what's his name?
Oh, marenge.
So when you go to the store to buy CDs, this is back when there were CDs, you just like buy five marenge CDs.
You don't care what they are?
How are we doing for time?
How long have we been chatting for?
We're at an hour.
Oh, three.
Christopher has a picture of, he's made a Gavin meme.
Some nice pants you got there.
Be a shame if someone jizzed on them.
I think your joke would have worked better if you were to say if someone were to jizz on them.
So that's a failure.
Went to check for the new t-shirts and the shop is down.
I'm sure this is a five.
Yes, we're still working on that.
Thanks for the heads up three weeks after it happened.
This is from Grant.
I can already tell it's going to be flattering, so I'm inclined to read it.
Your analysis of women is profound and insightful.
I don't have your exact taste, but where our spectrums cross, my friend, you're right on the money.
When you talk about imperfections and how it soothes the soul and is aesthetically pleasing, I cannot agree more.
Demi Lovato.
I feel as though you understand my thinking when you speak about her.
I don't have words to describe how you have read my mind.
I'm a fag for you when you speak of women in their beauty.
I like you more than a friend.
Yeah.
Katy Perry is objectively hotter than Demi Lovato.
Lady Gaga is objectively hotter than Demi Lovato.
I would rather fuck Ryan than have a threesome with Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.
I feel nothing.
This girl is a slightly chubby tart who's trashy and looks like she wasn't in the in crowd in high school.
And it's coconut smashers all the way.
Turn it up.
She's super tacky.
She reminds me of how slutty girls are on Halloween.
Right.
That's a good point.
I'm a 10 out of 10, don't you ever forget it?
I'm my own world spread.
Look, she's a fat pig.
She has to wear a trench coat to hide her gigantic ass.
And I'm thrilled.
Let's see her without makeup.
I like her double chin, too.
Let's have a demi levato moment, shall we?
Without makeup.
Un pollo loco.
Oh my god.
Stunning.
Stunning.
Go up top there?
Fantastic.
Gorgeous.
Look at that one in the other right there.
Breathtaking.
She is.
Whoa.
I bet you're cheating there, Demi.
You have a little bit on.
You think there's like...
Wait a minute.
She looks better without makeup in that big picture.
How'd she get so fat?
Is her makeup butter?
And by with makeup, we mean eating butter for a year.
God damn it, okay.
This is from Kayla.
She says, hey, Gavin, check this video.
Was wondering your opinion on this washed up.
Whoops.
I must have pushed the wrong button.
On this.
Was wondering your opinion on this washed up art major old dried-up feminist hag.
Starts around 5.50.
And girls.
Like you more than a friend.
She's calling us.
She would turn like that.
And like, as school's getting out, she's like, I've got to get the new biles.
I'm going to get the new biles.
What did she mean by that?
And what did you witness?
So several times, I was in the car with her.
And she would ask the driver to stop the car.
And she'd dash across to the school or the park or wherever she was going.
And she would like write down her phone number for a child, a young girl.
And then I'd see that child at the house.
And she'd say, they're auditioning.
You know, I found a model in the park.
And I thought it was really strange because I did see a couple girls in braces.
And I've never seen a model with braces.
Of course, it was a ruse.
Epstein claimed to help manage Victoria.
Yeah, she's annoying.
She makes me want to defend Epstein.
This is from Michael.
I hate the way she has her paintings behind her, too, making a little ad.
And surely the director would go, ah, that's kind of tacky.
We're not doing a commercial for your paintings.
You can have one in the background, I guess, but we're not laying them out here like a portfolio.
Bet you the director of that segment was a woman.
This is from Mike.
COVID celebrity deaths.
If COVID is such a serious global pandemic, why haven't we heard of any major celebrity or public figure that died, not got it, but died from COVID?
Not only in the United States, but all of planet Earth.
What is happening is self-evident.
Why hasn't anyone mentioned this?
And they say things like, plenty of celebrities have died.
Look at your own fucking Herman Cain.
He just died.
Herman Cain had stage four colon cancer.
So yeah.
The only person that died where they didn't force COVID down your throat was, of course, George Floyd.
He had COVID and they said, no, it was the knack.
But go back, who the fuck are these people?
Nick Cordero.
Nick Cordero, never heard of him.
Probably does acting.
John Prine, I remember that guy.
73?
Are we sure it was COVID?
That guy's got a great song.
Do you know the song?
About his girlfriend caught him sniffing her undies?
Sniffing my undies.
In spite of ourselves.
Try to find the old one, though.
No?
That's someone doing a cover, you stupid fucking idiot.
That's the first one that popped up there.
Yep.
Why would you do the first one that popped up?
And you just saw his face in the article, so you'd know that that's not him.
She don't like her rigs already.
She thinks crossing her legs is funny.
She looks down, knows that money.
She gets it on like the Easter bunny.
She's my baby.
I'm her honey.
I'm never gonna let her go.
He ain't got late in the month of Sundays.
Caught him once and he would sniff my honey.
Ain't too sharp, but he gets things done.
Drinks his beer like toxic.
He's my baby, and I'm his honey.
Never gonna let him go.
In spite of ourselves, we'll end up sitting on a rainbow.
Great jam.
I could cry right now.
That was only 20 years ago, that song, by the way.
You think of it as like a 1940s, 50s thing.
All right, we're winding up here, folks.
But I'm so vain that right when I go to leave, I'll check the one last email and I'll see compliments and go, well, maybe we could squeeze in another one.
I don't know.
We do have a little bit of time.
This is from Chris, Gav Dog.
No mention of Ryan whatsoever.
This letter is not for you.
Dang it.
So this is, there's like, hey, Gavin and Ryan.
That's your ideal scenario.
No, your ideal scenario is, hey, Ryan.
Right.
Second, hey, Gavin and Ryan.
Then, hey, Emperor Gav, God of the Fag Zone or something.
So now it's an insult, but at least you exist.
This is none of those.
I'm not there.
This is just Gav Dog.
Just a pure.
Not Gav comma dog.
No, one entity, a Gav Dog.
A singular dog of Gav.
Just got hit with my dream last night.
I think I was a bodyguard.
Interesting.
What do you think it means?
I would like to commend you again for all the wonderful content provided by yourself and the other supremely talented outcasts on Censor.tv.
after watching two GOML episodes in Kangaroo Boy, we could settle on a name for him.
I'm edging towards Kangaroo Jack because we get to pin that movie on him.
That's pretty good.
That's like a mob-level nickname.
I just finished almost four hours of content in a row and it felt like 10 minutes.
Another thing, I know we all love to pick on Ryan.
Ah, shit, he mentioned.
I mean, look at him.
He's pimping.
But I would like to express how funny he is.
Oh, man.
Sometimes the complaints will be false.
I think we get the idea where this letter is going.
We can go to the next one, right?
No, no, we should at least hear the guy out.
He worked hard.
He's a new subscriber, and he watches.
We got the message.
He likes the show.
But he likes certain things about the show.
I would like to express how funny he is, and I really enjoy him on the show.
Good afternoon, guys.
He's a talented motherfucker.
Even if he did take over five blocks of a city, barricade it off, and claim it as an autonomous nation known as the Fag Zone.
He's a fag.
This was just incredibly gay of him.
P.S. When Ryan's face was left imprinted on your sunburned stomach, I cracked up laughing so hard, I couldn't believe it worked so well.
Is there any way that could be turned into a weird t-shirt?
I guess, yeah.
You know how we can make that a t-shirt?
We could smush your face on our photocopier and then just show my belly.
It could be the belly of the shirt because they censored.tv look like this could be like an illusion that it's all wrinkled up.
That's great.
And then you could have a fake sunburned stomach with Ryan's face.
That's pretty good.
By the way, are you getting all these other video drops that people send in?
Like the corrections officer who said, you get an aneurysm on the toilet.
You never know.
I got a list.
And you got the Dinesh D'Souza toad?
Those will be done today.
Now I have to keep reading until someone insults you.
Dear Gavin and the apparent literal mayor of the flag zone.
I don't know if that was on purpose or not.
You have hurt me today.
Just so Ryan knows, he got it backwards when he said if he had two earrings, it would be gay.
On the contrary, if you have one earring, especially on the left, that makes you gay.
I was here.
It's a joke.
I swear I saw that and said to myself, holy shit, he is the mayor of the fag zone.
Just thought maybe he'd like to know I like you more than a friend.
Well, he ain't that straight.
Yeah, that sounds pretty right.
Where is your diamond earring today?
Cubic zirconium is on the left.
Let's see.
You're still wearing it?
Left ear.
Yeah, what left earring meaning?
I didn't notice it.
Means straight, masculine, smart, and dominant.
Kidding.
I made that up.
Why did we grow up thinking a piece and on the right ear was guy?
Complications of the gay earring, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Let's see, which ear?
If you have an earring in your right ear, means you're gay.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Hey, guys, I don't know if you're a watch guy.
I've been a watch guy.
Do your smartwatch is gay.
Yes, they're stupid and lame.
Why do you need to get, I hate Turn off all your notifications on everything.
When you have time, check your texts.
See if you missed some calls.
See what's happening.
You don't like people shouldn't be able to get to you just like that.
Like you're a fucking McDonald's.
Turn off 100% of your notifications on everything.
Check your email when you can.
Check your texts when you can.
If you're driving, you can't do anything about it.
They could say, my house is on fire.
Sorry, I can't help you.
Does that Sid Vicious doll have his cock in a cock sheath?
I just noticed that.
No.
He doesn't have like a ball pad?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
No, he kept falling.
So he's sitting on a little container that is origami.
It's like ceramic, but it's made to look like origami.
Possibly drugs.
So I leaned him up against it, but then over time he's fallen and it looks like his dick.
A cock sheet.
You're right, though.
That is distracting.
Don't mean maybe.
Never gonna let her go.
There, that's better.
All right, let's do one more, and it's time to leave.
Mark Ruffalo bumper sticker.
This is from Emmy.
Hey, Gav, saw this bumper sticker in front of me the other day, and it begs the question, who's a bigger fag?
Mark Ruffalo or the guy with the Mark Ruffalo for president bumper sticker?
Well, that's obviously easy.
I'm glad we're ending on a nice and easy one.
The guy with the Mark Ruffalo bumper sticker is much gayer than Mark Ruffalo, which is 101.
I mean, Mark Ruffalo is the shittiest, lamest douche tool in the world.
And if you want him for president, I would be scared to touch you in case my finger exploded.
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
You're a radioactive douche.
And if you are that, and if you work with someone like that, let them know.
Go, hey, man, I couldn't help but notice that you have a Mark Ruffloe for President Bumpersticker.
He's the biggest douche on earth.
It'll feel good to say that.
Now, you might get in trouble.
So what?
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
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