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Aug. 6, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
53:38
GOML LIVE #59 - LIVE FROM ATLANTIC CITY
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Time Text
Isn't it more a game to hide your penis and ball for you?
Maybe.
Now that you mentioned it.
Yeah, I don't care about my penis and mall.
I do.
I'll hit him in your face.
I'll hit him in your mother's face.
Your finger touching mine.
That's terrible.
And that's part of the joke.
Oh, that's golden.
That's why we're in a tiny bat pot.
That's why it's funny.
The worst.
No splashing food.
Right?
That's the joke.
All right, so we're going to do GML live.
We obviously can't take calls.
We had some trouble with the shows this week.
So we put up Monday.
We pre-recorded a Tuesday mailbag.
It did not work because Ryan didn't send it to the cloud.
He brought it to his home, which is just north of the Bronx.
And north of the Bronx is a dead zone.
So we can't get to his computer because we're out in Atlantic City.
We could drive back.
Power outages.
But we don't respect you enough to drive back.
Are these stirrups?
I think this is how you...
Yeah.
Don't show that.
You could have just left the briefs on.
I don't understand why the naked part's so important.
Well, now you have to dry that shit, and we're leaving tomorrow morning.
That's fine.
throw these underwears away.
I mean, as far as the Yeah.
I have underwear under the swim trunks because the netting bothers my genitals.
And I'll just dry the swim trunks.
The netting doesn't bother your genitals?
No.
This is the lie of your generation?
No.
You people wear underwear with your bathing suit.
I don't usually do that, but this is like an old-fashioned one.
There's a hand-me-down from I don't even know who, and it's rough.
You wouldn't like it.
It's rough.
Oh, it's sandpaper on your dick.
So someone built a bathing suit that corrodes a bag.
Yeah, there's plenty of room for innovation when they made this.
No, that's not fucking true.
I think they could.
tell you what's going on.
Your generation, your people...
I thought you were going to say my genitals.
I was like...
Which is gay, by the way.
To look at dicks.
That you wear underwear so no one sees the contours of your penis.
The same way you're playing with your faggot hair right now.
I'm just kicking it back.
Thank you.
Did you see that Joe Biden thing?
If my dick shows up in the stream, keep in mind that it's quite cold.
We've had this water prepared for an hour.
Yeah, where'd the bubbles go?
How did you eradicate the bubbles on?
That's what you're filming, sir.
But is there a way to achieve a beer here?
Let's throw some code names, because everybody is anonymous.
13.
Are gay leopards?
No, definitely not that.
Everyone we're with here is gay.
That's not true.
We're at a gay secret resort.
Oh we're not.
I don't know why you put that up.
But uh, is that the full beer?
Is that a true?
Alright, let's do the news!
Get the news today!
Beirut!
So when I saw Beirut blow up, which looked like a nuclear explosion, I went, oh shit.
And I did this- is it something we all do in the West?
Where we put our brains in other cultures' brains, and we go, oh, you have a perwatch.
In your country, like say, I had a perwatch.
We go, well, that can't be a mistake.
That must be some major fucking problem.
No, Arabs are retarded.
So what they did was they were storing ammonium nitrate to the tune of this entire hotel.
It was the Unabomber, I don't know.
Unabomber levels.
Actually the exact same amount.
Because this killed 100 people.
I don't know how much Timothy McVeigh killed.
I think he may have killed 800 people.
The more the numbers that used two tons and then this explores were like 200 tons or something like that.
You know what I mean?
Think about it.
Like Timothy McVeigh just did it in an afternoon.
This had been there for six years.
And the inspectors went, you're going to blow up all of Beirut.
This is really bad.
And they go, I think we're good.
Wasn't that the exact quote?
You're going to blow up all of Beirut?
Yeah, the exact quote was, you're going to blow up all of Beirut.
Ow.
And, um.
Turn off the jets.
Alright, so there's that.
And so have we explained why there's no show?
We did.
You fucked up.
Yep.
Should I apologize?
I'm sorry.
No, I don't think apologies mean anything.
That's a good point.
Why apologize?
If you just learn from it, that'll be good.
I see sensor.tv as a machine, as like a horse.
So the fact that you didn't upload this is like a broken foot on the left horse leg.
But it could be like, oh, we gotta bandage that up.
That's about it.
I can rehabilitate it.
I'm not out for the camera.
Down for the camera.
Is there another beer I can get?
Should I holler?
Is it gay that we're showing the same gay text?
Yeah.
I mean, there's a lot of gay things already in play, and I just don't want that to be a thing.
So if I feel like if I started a beer and I gifted it to you, that's fine.
But if we're just going back and forth, that's very weird.
Which is my thing.
Okay, let's also go through the news.
What else do we have going on?
We have the Seattle Washington governor did very well in the elections.
He nailed it.
He got 51% of the votes.
So this is during CHOP, during Chaz, the guy fucking, Texting the beer.
Texting the beer.
The guy did amazing.
That's shocking to me.
How the fuck did Seattle's governor, Washington's governor, do well and win 51% of the votes?
It wasn't around chop and chaz and all this shit.
It was down between, it was only two Democratic candidates, too.
There was no Republican choice.
Really?
Didn't I hear that?
Yeah.
Thumbs up on that?
Is that true?
Yeah.
He doesn't know.
There was 10, like...
I think there were 35.
Candidates total, and it was just down to two Democrats.
Because my dick is light.
Do the bubbles just come out?
Or do you have to add like bubble bath?
Every time you add a bubble bath.
But the jets kick it up.
Okay.
I have that annoying bubble thing in my swim shorts.
And so Seattle choppers completely gone, right?
I feel like with you, Ryan, though, like your job is politics, right?
Right.
So you I don't really care.
No, I do.
I fucking fancy that.
No, you don't.
Me and Tony, right?
Tony and Censor.
We have kids.
We're worried about taxes.
or worried about the future of the country, I don't think you really care about politics.
Sure I do.
I talk about politics to all sorts of people.
And I care.
Here's things I care about.
I care about a lot of the social things, like the cultural things, like ways that it impacts people that don't know about politics.
That's where I'm coming at it from.
Like, as a person who isn't politically, hasn't been politically engaged all my life, if it's affecting my life, like I get in trouble for saying this, I'm going to get fired for saying that.
Or like comedians.
That's what got me into it in the first place.
I'm like, that guy lost his job because he said, you know, this word or whatever.
That's when it starts to affect my life and I have to, you know, in response to a comedian.
Well, I like comedians.
I think I relate to people who do comedy, but I'm not a comedian.
As we've seen from my Imperial Guitar stand-up.
Why don't you do your bit that you do it?
I don't want to do that.
Do it.
Which one?
There are so many.
Wall cats.
That's the worst one.
So, my dad, you know, he's a Japanese guy, so when he writes a letter to me, he'll He usually.
So he has a pen.
Yeah.
You need an email.
No, no, no.
This was when you used to write your letters.
Oh, yeah.
And so he just does all caps because, you know, he didn't learn lowercase and all that.
So it's pretty easy.
Instead of learning, you know, the lower caps and all it's all caps.
So when you're reading it, it sounds like he's just yelling.
Sounds like the kind of lazy guy who would just fuck a Puerto Rican hairdresser, get her pregnant, and then go, oh, something wrong with that.
And then just like fly to LA.
He said nothing wrong with that.
Because he was like, I don't do anything.
And do you want to go to the beach?
That's the big punchline.
Are you playing with your testicles?
No, I'm drying my butt wall.
I can't believe I'm in the same.
You know, I thought it was just going to be you in the tub, so I was going to piss in the tub and then tell you that.
I don't care.
No, it's not fun, but...
And then have everybody here pee in the tub and then tell you afterwards.
But then I'm glad I didn't because.
This is not shit.
Okay, so let me try your joke.
So my dad is an immigrant.
And immigrants are cool, you know?
They built this country.
They're good at their job.
They fucking came in here and kicked ass and took names.
I think they had a civil war.
Didn't they get all the land from the Indians?
They did a good job.
They did a good job.
But my dad's from Japan, and he's a lazy piece of shit who is not around for me.
And what he does is he doesn't understand uppercase, lowercase.
Which is kind of a big deal.
It's kind of a big deal.
I'm actually getting insecure about this bit as I do it.
I'm with you.
So he texts me and he goes, we should go to the beach.
But he does it in all caps.
So it's, we should go to the beach.
And it gets to Pearl Harbor levels where I'm scared.
I'm scared for myself.
I'm scared for my family.
And he goes, we will have a good time.
And I get nervous that I'm being kidnapped.
And then I realize I'm dealing with a fucking...
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
The delivery of the actual voice, I'd say maybe.
As soon as if I see Dick, I think that they can.
So if you could be the judge on that.
Or if you see genitals, maybe kick her off.
That's why I came on.
You saw my genitals?
Yeah.
Okay, so keep in mind how cold it is in the water.
It's not representational.
No, but you hate.
So we can't take calls.
We are dealing with...
Go ahead.
Sure, make yourself at home.
You're the boss.
We're dealing with a guy who lives north of the Bronx, and all his data is stuck in a thing where even if we could call someone and say, get that show off the La C. It'd be terrible.
They need power and they need internet.
Right.
And also my fish tank is, there's a heater and a filter.
Oh, are your betas dead?
No, they're very hardy.
They'll live.
I guess my text went unanswered.
But yeah, that definitely is a problem.
But they're good episodes.
The mailbag 1 and 2.
And then Thursday is going to be really good.
That is the...
We can mention it?
So what we recorded was a Monday mailbag.
Seeing a lot of dick?
Not a lot, but...
That's never been done.
That'd be funny.
Like, that's still that's a bit.
It might be.
Like, you blow me, kidding.
And I'll be like, what the?
This is so stupid.
I'm just like, what's the retarded?
Let's say it is really funny.
You know, what are we sacrificing to get to them?
We're making fun of, like, the whole...
So you blow me.
Is that a thing?
Right?
And I'll be like, this is so stupid.
And then you could be like, what am I even doing?
And then after the third hour, we both go, we're stopping this.
This is ridiculous.
A lot of time.
This is a joke.
We neither of us enjoyed this.
I'd just like to ask you, what other type of joke goes for three hours?
Did you fart?
No, that was...
But they're off.
The jets are off.
And it stinks.
You know what's funny?
I swear to God, I didn't know fart.
Are you serious?
I swear my children's life.
Okay, I believe you.
Alright, so we got the Beirut thing.
What other news items should we discuss?
Killing the news.
The news is going very well.
It's not going very well.
Oh, this is going awesome.
So the news says So we're sitting at a hotel in a disclosed location, possibly Atlantic City.
We gambled last night with this fucking asshole who has this...
So he goes, here's $200.
Put it in the vending machine because we can only do vending machines.
And he goes, keep pushing the $100 one for 40 times and then push the $2,000 one and we're all going to get rich.
And I go, well, that sounds great.
So I do it.
This is your first time doing slots?
Yes.
Right.
22, 23, 24.
And I get to 40 and then I hit the $2,000 thing.
You lost.
You just lost all your money.
And he's like, he doesn't even go, oh shit, I'm wrong.
Because he's a sales guy.
You got to warm him up.
He says, hey, you got to get, we'll do it again.
And so I spent like $400 making $73.
He's like, we won!
I fucking hate casinos.
Thanks.
This is just one.
And here's my other problem with the guys we're staying with.
Thanks.
The fucking showers.
Like, the guy filming right now, he will have a shower for 40 minutes.
Like, I don't even think our systems with our boilers and everything are designed for that.
But he'll watch, he has a waterproof foam.
He'll watch YouTube videos.
I do that too.
You do that too?
It's a great time.
To do it.
To watch YouTube videos.
Because you're not going anywhere.
That's so self-indulgent.
But I don't use shampoo.
I don't give a fuck.
So you'll sit there and you'll watch like what, a 20 minute video?
No, no, no.
With water on it?
You prop it up in the soap holder or something like that, or you put it on the sink next to the shower.
Right?
You're trying.
And you're watching a video in the soap holder.
I listen.
Do you watch?
I listen.
I'm a listener when it comes to the shower.
How long will that go for it?
Normal shower time.
And then when you're getting ready, Normal shower time is one minute.
That's not true for me.
Can we bubble this up?
Oh, thank you.
Oh.
You want to take calls over speakerphone?
Can we do that?
I just thought of it.
I think we can.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Oh, shit, we got Vincent's fucking reading, dude.
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If you don't want to eat the CBD, you can put the ointment on your body.
They have it for pets.
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Nothing wrong with that.
That's what I should do.
I should just shut up and literally do video sound drop imitations.
Yeah, I'd love to take calls.
Kevin?
Grab someone.
This human being came.
By the way, John Wayne stayed in this bathtub.
But the guy who rented this penthouse, whatever it is, he goes, John Wayne stayed here.
And I was like, yeah, it's possible he hated it here.
And he was like, I don't like this fucking shanty at all.
I shot that movie.
I had to stay at that fucking shit old motel.
Everybody praises it.
Not everywhere, like, it's not like every toilet John Wayne took a shit in is made of heaven.
He probably walked down 33rd Street too.
Yeah.
Did he make that magical?
Probably went to fucking Bushwick.
Yeah.
Speaking of Bushwick.
Home time.
Okay.
Reflection.
Oh, and also if you see Gavin's penis, you have to hit the bubbles.
A little cold.
Well, that's not the main promise.
It's a new deal.
So, what are you doing?
Are you filming the live stream?
I have no idea.
I think you are.
Can we hit the bubbles?
Alright.
Okay, it's just my captain.
I love that you're so worried about my healing.
I am.
Because I'm so close to it.
Her.
I'm so close to it.
You know what?
It's big enough to wrap around your neck twice.
I'll just take your word for it.
No need to...
So, is this part of the model?
Yeah.
That's how that's more of.
So.
Yes, right?
We can't tell people where we are.
We can't tell people who we're with.
It's going pretty good.
Isn't it weird, though?
Like, if you're liberal and you're fucking Chris Hayes or Rachel Maddow.
You can literally be like, here's my baby's address.
Yeah, here's my kid.
Go send her a gift.
I'll actually send you my kid for the weekend.
Here's her address.
Just send her back.
I can't send my fucking nephew's address.
I can't even acknowledge my cousins and their names.
Absolutely.
Cool.
Yeah.
Bananas.
Tony, is this going on on the Skype?
I think so.
You know what?
Do you mind passing me the phone?
What are you going to do with the zips on your forehead?
This was cool.
Can you get a cream?
It's so rude.
Yeah.
And you've never talked to this person before?
No, never.
And the first thing that came out of your mouth is, wow, you have a lot of acne.
Yeah.
And then you said, well, I've done a lot to treat it.
And then you said, well, obviously it doesn't work.
And you don't know this man.
That's correct.
Imagine this is a little rude.
Yes.
But no part of you wanted to stop saying that.
I don't like sitting here in a hot tub alone.
We're doing this as a joke, and it's funny because it's like a gay thing with chink.
I don't think so.
But imagine no one knew I was here, and I'm sitting here in this bath just getting a hot bath.
That kind of makes sense.
It's not stimulating.
That is the whack.
I couldn't imagine...
You're not part of the massages.
But like sitting here alone, all alone.
I understand if you, you're probably, if you're Tom Wayne, you probably brought a groupie back and you're fucking, maybe you fucked her up against that.
That makes sense.
I get that.
But the idea of just being alone.
And this is a one-person talk.
I don't get alone.
Like, these guys are going on vacation alone and they go swimming.
And then they put a fucking towel on the beach and they're like, oh, that's awesome.
And then they go and they eat like a pineapple surprise at the Hawaiian like, what are you doing?
That's my favorite treat.
Pineapple surprise.
I talked about this once with my brother-in-law.
And then I realized that's all he does.
Oh yeah.
He got super pissed.
That hurt my feelings when you were.
You had perked me today.
Yeah, I didn't realize.
Yeah.
I go on the beach, I lay down a lot, I get massages, I would do a hot tub if there was one.
Yeah, that's the thing.
But I'm starting to see your point.
It's not even gay.
Like, for example, the reason we can't show the show is that Ryan has no friends.
Well, that's not true.
Yes it is.
Well if I had You're right.
Well, I have friends, but none...
None of that are in close enough prox none that are in close enough proximity to help a brother out.
I have a thousand friends.
First of all, I'm the most hated man in my community.
Because I'm a mega guy in a liberal enclave.
Yet I have at least 20 friends that would eat a bullet for me.
Okay, maybe I'll eat zero.
I would eat a bullet for you.
A chocolate bullet.
Just like drink it?
Yeah, like a pill.
I got a million friends.
You have no friends.
I got a lot of friends.
No, you don't.
Sure I do.
No, you don't.
You play.
You guys are my friends.
You play solitaire, and these guys live at the other end of the world.
And it's detrimental to our heritage.
We can't fix these shows.
We have Tuesday's show and Thursday's show.
And we can't.
Oh, Jesus.
What?
There's just a lot of people.
I'm trying to stretch.
I don't think stretching is an important part of.
Please don't get that close.
What are you talking about?
My back is all stiff.
I'm trying to relax.
This is hell.
This is me being comfortable.
Thank you, God.
Oh, yeah.
Let's go fuck it.
Get the jets going.
I've got cold.
Get the jets up for cold though.
How about an outgoing one to the police department?
How about a 911?
Sir, are you fixing your job?
Is there a suicide hotline available?
Oh, my leg is so smushed.
So there's a bunch of things that we're looking forward to.
This Thursday you have the How to Be a Dad special, which is, I'm hyping up the show.
It's really good.
Maybe you should get some friends.
Sure.
I guess that'll help.
You can't get pussy if you don't have male friends.
I got male friends.
You gotta be gregarious.
All your friends are back at your grandma's.
Everybody thinks I need so much help getting laid.
It's like, I'm loving my life.
I'm living, laughing, loving.
Shut up.
No.
You need, like, you play solitaire.
You need to have male friends in your community, in your new house.
Hmm.
You know what?
I just made a walkie-talkie.
I was like, John Asian Trump.
That's what I'm saying.
Now we're walking an amazing dude.
We're walkie-talkie friends.
Here, look, I can walk you talk to him right now.
Did we, can we say that we golfed?
Yeah.
We golfed.
And you did pretty good.
I beat you all.
So that's pretty good.
I destroyed you all.
And I fucked up a hundred times.
Anyway, let's take a call.
Okay, we got Jason is calling about Joe Biden.
I'm turning it on right.
Go for it.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Hey, man.
Just what's up, guys?
Nice look.
Just calling upon Joe Biden.
I know like you said, it's literally getting to the point where it's almost not fun anymore.
But did you possibly catch where he was being interviewed by MSNB and ACNN that they're all the same?
And the guy asked him about, you know, have you had a cognition test?
And Joe Biden said, you know, asked the guy, oh, well, have you had a cocaine test before you come on there?
And just even the way he was talking about it legitimately sounded crazy.
And I guess he doesn't see it.
You know, and I guess he's not going to come out and say that, oh yeah, I'm going crazy or I've got dementia.
What do you think on that?
Well, that was seen as racist, but I think you're giving Joe Biden too much credit to call it racist.
Because, like the idea that blacks do cocaine, whatever, I don't think that went through Joe Biden's brain.
I think he was like, that's like me asking you if you did, and then he thought of a drug that people do, and cocaine came into his head.
You gotta think of Joe Biden as a nine-year-old.
And a nine-year-old, if they were questioned, they would go, oh yeah, you want to question me?
How about I question you?
How about I question if you did cocaine or not?
So that became a racial thing, but it's actually a great example of how fucking lost he is.
And the real question is, can we make fun of him for four years if he wins?
Like, it's going to become quirky.
It's going to become making fun of a Down syndrome guy.
I'm pissing right now, man.
Certainly.
Oh, good God.
It's going to be bad.
And he's going to be a puppet, clearly, of whoever his VP is.
Yeah, he's a loser.
I was just kidding.
Oh, really?
Okay, good.
All right, next, Colin.
Thank you, guys.
Thanks.
Oh, that was you.
Okay, it's John calling about Crocs.
Hey, what's up, guys?
That looks like the baggiest zone I think I've ever seen.
We're so confident in our heterosexuality that we...
What do you have, like, underwear?
Yep.
Yeah, we're not gay at all.
No, thank you.
No way.
It might be a little bit more convincing if you were wearing socks, but yeah.
Okay.
Well, anyway, I just took a differential equations exam, and boy, are my couchies Euler.
Wow.
That's a nerd joke from the engineer.
So can you text me that?
And boy, are my couchies jewelered?
Can you email that to gavin at censored.tv?
No, I didn't email anything.
No, can you email that to gavin at censored.tv?
Oh, oh, okay, yeah, I get you.
Yeah, because I well, my uh my comment was about proc, and uh, I think you got it totally right if you're living in New York.
Uh I was living in Florida and the guy only judges something as being usable if it had a purpose to it.
And when you're in New York, you crocs don't really have a use up there for too long.
But if you're living in Florida where it's 90 degrees and above in March, then you got a lot more uses out of it, especially because it's not shape.
Why are Crocs better in a hot climate?
Why are Crocs better?
Well, they're better in a hot climate because my feet get fucking sweaty.
And you're always talking about sweaty legs, that's why I wear shorts, which you probably don't agree with.
Yeah, but so you still have sweaty feet with a pair of crocs.
Your whole body, lower half, is just sweaty all the time.
So you have to be as loose-fit as possible.
Also, the whole of Florida is basically a swamp.
So you're always walking through like mud or some other shit.
Like, you want to be able to clean your shoes easily.
And it's just made of rubber, so you can just fucking put it in a bathtub, like the one that you're in, and you just wash them up right next to your dick.
I'll tell you what, dude, I will live in Florida for one year.
I'll do all your bullshit with washing Crocs.
If Chucks are not less inconvenient, you're a fucking dead man.
Oh, my God.
All right.
I will agree to that.
Okay, I need your address.
It is address.
I agree 100%.
In upstate New York, where my Crocs are most useful, he's right.
Upstate New York where my Crocs are most useful.
That's right.
That's a t-shirt.
Can we get a hot tub?
Our store is back up, right?
Is our store back up?
Our store is back up, by the way.
That's a big thing.
Thanks for calling.
Get some more sets going.
Alright, want another?
Sure.
Right?
You know how pissed my wife is?
She's raising three kids with a generator that's going outside all day.
It lasts for four hours.
Oh, my.
You have to replenish it with gas.
Women don't get gas cans.
I barely get gas cans.
You have to, like, take off a red thing, peel back the foreskin, pour it down, and then lift up a 50-pound fucking gas can.
You know, she's mad.
And she's like, you need to come back now.
And I go, I am in a business meeting with Ryan.
We're doing our year-end review with the net and the gross and playing golf and gambling.
I can't come back.
That's true.
You know what's weird about gas canisters?
That's true.
That's true.
With gas canisters, it's like how baby-proof bottles for pills are baby-proof.
Gasoline's like woman-proof.
Dude, Gannister.
No, no, canisters are.
Gannisters are.
I can't figure them out.
What I do now, I just rip out the red thing, and then I pull my thumb down on that fucking dumb foreskin, and it's still.
It's a major.
You get gas everywhere.
Yeah.
I haven't figured it out yet.
I was pretending I knew, but I don't.
You don't.
You don't ever.
I've touched the gas can.
Alright, next call.
We've got another one.
Curtis, Nick, Bae, and I want Brian to take his pants off and show us his ass, and I'll donate to the charity.
How much?
Well, let's ask.
He's coming on right now.
All right, you're on.
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Great.
Pretty good.
So, since you guys don't have OnlyFans, I'm thinking, I got some money burning in my pocket, and I'm wondering if I can pay you guys to do some hot shit together.
Not together.
Yeah, we'll fuck each other dry.
Nope.
Definitely not.
That's for charity.
I don't have a lot of money, but I got 50 bucks for Ryan to take his shorts off, spend the rest of the time there cuff naked.
$100 to see that little Japanese cock.
And $150 if Gavin can just shove a little bit of his pinky thing.
Absolutely not.
None.
No, we don't.
No, we don't negotiate.
Let's get started.
I got the buns.
Get the pinky away from my...
Are we seeing buns?
Is everybody happy?
I know you have a tattoo in your ass.
Yeah, I do.
What is that?
It's a smiley face.
Yeah, not happening, dude.
We can't really hear you, but do we got a deal?
Is that a female?
Yeah, we got a deal.
Is it a female or a queer?
It's a funny.
Alright, how much money am I sending you?
What are you guys going to do for us?
We saw $150.
We did everything you asked for.
Great point.
Alright, do you figure Lynn Daddy holders $150 with Justice Leader?
I did.
I did.
We just showed it on the show.
It hurts.
I don't like it.
Oh, wow.
Oh, I gotta watch my pinky.
I got a bit of a delay here.
And he's like, all right, I'm a man of my word.
I'm gonna donate.
Good work.
Thank you, sir.
Thanks for calling.
You damn much.
You damn fucking pussy.
Come on.
It's for justice, for liberty.
It's my cheeks.
What a fucking demonstration.
You alt-right weirdo.
This is a family show.
You know what's going on with my cameos?
I have all these Jewish recommendations saying, say that you love Israel and blah, blah, blah.
And I do, but I have a feeling about half of them are real Israelis and the other half are these traffic were trying to like frame me and go you just said you love Israel.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
I saw through a couple of those where I was like...
What do you mean a couple?
They're some of them public.
Oh, you see them after they get public?
and I'm thinking I'm like is this someone just trying to Okay.
Welcome back to the show where a 50-year-old man sits in a bathtub with a 30-year-old Asian.
31.
And I donated to charity, basically.
I'm willing to put myself in line.
Sure, it's silly.
Might ruin my career.
Your career.
That's kind of funny.
And, you know, my dignity has been chipped away at it a little bit because I've revealed myself.
I've exposed myself.
But it's revealed yourself.
My anus.
Oh, you showed your anus.
That's correct.
You spread your butt cheeks.
You spread.
I did not know that.
I was right here.
I figured we'd get another 10 spot.
I was right here and I did not see the spreading.
Well, I don't think you were looking because that'd be gay.
Queen.
Alright, I think we should wrap this up, guys.
This is absolutely fucking ridiculous.
Let's do two more calls.
And also, sponsors?
Express VPN.
Promo code Gavin.
Aren't you tired of getting all of your activity tracked online?
That's a bummer.
Well, with ExpressVPN, it's so easy.
All you do is as soon as you open up your computer, it starts on startup.
It's logged in.
You just click connect me.
And now it just scrambles everything you're doing.
So you're not going to get in trouble.
You're not going to be shamed for being free on the internet.
Freedom exists not only in the real world with your voice and with Twitter and all this stuff, but what you do when nobody's looking, when you're looking up, hey, what's this word on my butthole?
Express VPN is going to be.
What's this word on my butthole?
Wart.
Wart, okay.
And they'll hide all that for you because, you know, you deserve freedom and privacy just like everybody else does.
What was this thing if you put on Google what we is?
What was that again?
It's a racist acknowledgement of a trend that happens on the Google search where if you type in is we in space.
If you type in is we in space, one of the questions that comes up is getting more checks.
Getting more stimulus.
Is we getting more stimulus checks?
And I think that's an abominable racist.
That's a racist AI.
Algorithm, yeah.
That's an R AI.
Can you give us a blast of the old fucking jets?
We have a racist AI.
There's a U at the end of this table.
I think.
He's fantastic.
Frankly.
Great guy.
Great guy.
We like him.
I offered AI, I offered a Kangaroo Jack $800 a video.
He's like, I'd rather take a commission.
And I go, okay, that's crazy.
That's actually better for me.
And then he brought in like fucking, what, 3,000 subs?
Yeah.
So he gets 40 grand.
And I went, can we go back to my original?
Why is he?
Can we go back to Pizza Pie?
Why is he trying to get commands?
Why is he still talking about it?
He must like bacon.
And he doesn't like bleeps.
Why is he still talking about bleeps?
Alright, next call.
Alright.
Hey, it's Nick.
I have a good willing or would you rather for Gavin?
He is on right now.
Hey, what's up, boys?
How's it going?
Hey, man.
Hello.
Hey, I just want to say amazing with another guy who's gay.
What the hell are we doing here, first of all?
Is that gay?
This is my penis right now.
I do not have a mother.
Yeah, this is a gay test.
If we were gay, you'd see this submerged.
Yeah.
Like Godzilla coming out of the water.
This is like when men go to the bathhouse or a locker room.
You know how much what you would consider homosexual happens in sports locker rooms?
That's what they call them, sports locker rooms.
The ass slap.
Anyway, what's your question?
Okay, so my would-you-rather question is this.
Okay, would you rather get a massage from a man, or would you rather get surgery from a female doctor?
That's pretty good.
Well, surgery is obviously a big topic.
Like eye surgery, you're having like part of your fucking spine replaced.
So we don't know.
So that's tough.
But, uh...
I haven't had a massage by a guy.
It's not that bad.
I hate massages.
I like them.
But I don't trust women.
But I think most good surgeons are autistic.
And autistic people aren't human.
So they can be a woman, a man, a black.
It doesn't matter.
They're just like they're robots.
True.
And I assume if a woman gets to the point where she can be doing surgeries, she's probably not like a normal woman.
It's like an airplane pilot.
You can't be a shitty airplane pilot, right?
Everyone's going to die.
And there's no training or information a man could get as a masseuse to make himself less gay.
But anyway, the problem with your riddle, sir, is that surgery is much more consequential than a massage.
And I'm obviously going to just take the male massage.
A male massage is an uncomfortable afternoon.
A fucking any surgery is, you know, it changes your life.
We could be talking about a heart transplant.
So back to the drawing board, my friend.
Thanks for calling.
Also, by the way, Kangaroo Boy is awesome.
And I just want to say that was a good hire by you.
What was that?
Kangaroo Boy is awesome.
He is.
Good hire by you.
Okay.
By the way, the best would you rather is always eat a piece of poo this big, an acorn-sized piece of poo.
You have to eat that in the morning, whatever.
Or dance every time you move.
So like say you get up at four in the morning, you go pee, you have to dance there.
And then the beauty of that ultimatum is you could increase the time you have to dance.
It could be two years.
And you can increase the piece of shit you have to eat.
It can be an acorn, it could be a gobstopper.
Right.
It does change things.
Yeah.
I'm not comfortable enough to answer that question, but it's in my mind still.
Like, I want to get to the part of my life where I know the answer to that, but I don't yet.
It's a lot of commitment.
What the fuck that means or what he just said.
Okay, let's do one more call.
I couldn't answer that question.
Not yet.
The poo or the dancing.
This is Daniel.
Well, okay, first of all, I'm not.
Let's say it's a poo this big and dancing for a year.
Right.
The beauty of the poo this big is you mix it in with eggs and shit, you just eat it.
You swallow it like a pill.
Do you have to chew it?
You just swallow it like a pill.
It goes in the eggs.
Okay.
And that's for life?
Dancing takes up your whole life.
So I would just do the little shit.
But is that for life, the shit?
No, it's one year.
Oh.
But the beauty is you can manipulate it and you go, okay, what about a cheesy, right?
Okay.
And you also need a doctor to make sure you don't die of sepsis.
Because it would almost end that way being the shit until it's that big.
That's what I'm tapping out.
Okay, we got Daniel on here.
Alright, Danny.
Don?
Hey, you guys upgraded from the fag zone to fag palace.
Yes.
If there was a fag zone, I suppose this would be an upgrade.
Dramatic.
Also, Ryan's cross tattoo looks like it was placed by a game of pin to tail on the donkey.
How dare you?
It's cantoned for a reason.
For aesthetic value.
Ryan has his dead friend on his arm who died of an opioid overdose.
So it's a really depressing, sad tattoo with reading glasses on it.
It's a beautiful tattoo.
It makes you want to cry.
No!
Way to go.
He was a badass and a legend.
And by the way, when Ryan is 62, he's going to have a fucking dead friend on his arm that he wouldn't even remember.
You know, the one problem that I do see what you're saying is that I won't be 190 with this tattoo on my arm.
That's the only thing.
There's not enough time in my life to honor the man.
He was a legend.
You know another problem?
I just pissed.
That is a problem.
I agree with you.
All right, question.
Come on, okay, yeah.
I recently had some people trying to cancel me.
I responded to a girlfriend of mine DM on Instagram to doing her story, and we had a long conversation about all this racist shit going on, and she had no argument.
I didn't say anything racist.
And by the end of it, she blocked me and then screenshotted everything and then posted it all to her story.
And then I got a text from a friend of mine saying that she did that.
And so now these people are trying to cancel me.
And, you know, this is a person who I thought was a good friend of mine.
And, you know, we were having a private conversation.
And she just posted it to her whole story.
And then all these other bitches are screen capping it and selecting all these different sections, telling people to call me out.
And the thing is this, is they tagged me in it, but they have me blocked or muted.
So I don't get notified about them trying to call me out.
So they're just cowards.
Where do you live?
Atlanta.
What a fucking mess.
Well, I think it's pretty gay.
And the thing is, it's like, it's kind of making some, you know, because I'm a musician and an artist, and so I have a lot of liberal friends.
And I'm trying to slowly red till them.
And I can't tell them, you know, I listen to you because they're fucking, you know, think you're a Nazi.
But it's starting to make them kind of question what's going on here.
And I think that people are starting to get tired of this shit.
You know, I live right by the Wendy's that got burned down in Atlanta, the Rayshard Brooks Peace Center.
And over 4th of July, this little eight-year-old girl, Secoria Turner, was murdered by peaceful protesters with gun for nothing, and no one gave a shit.
No one burned out anything for her.
And then Keisha Lance Bottoms, the mayor, gets COVID the next day, puts a mask mandate that we haven't had this whole time because people were, the heat was turning onto her about letting this happen.
And then that causes a spur from the governor, which sweeps little Secoria Turner out of the news.
And I was talking to my friend.
Oh, I asked them how many unarmed black people were killed last year.
None of them know the answer.
And one of my buddies, so then I asked them, how many people do you think they killed?
One of my buddies said 40,000.
He thought they killed 40,000 unarmed black men last year.
And so, yeah, you know, by basically saying stuff like, no, we all have the same rights that black people disproportionately commit more crime and the, you know, percentages of the population and all this.
And I'm not trying to like say, haha, they're terrible, but let's try and, you know, get to the problem.
75% fatherless homes instead of single motherhead with welfare.
And that's just racism to them.
Well, I think what we all have to know in this day and age is that when you're texting someone or DMing someone, no matter how private it is, even Telegram and Signal, it could end up on Facebook.
It could end up publicized.
So always understand that nothing's private anymore.
Even the face-to-face conversation is not private anymore.
Nothing is sacred.
But at the same time, you didn't do anything wrong.
You pointed out a bunch of facts.
So go ahead and find me.
And I feel good about that.
I've tried to stay, I don't post anything political, nothing like that.
And I see all this ridiculous shit constantly because I'm just doing my music thing and my art thing.
And so I stay out of it.
And I never thought she would do this to me because we were really close.
And then, so, yeah, I never post anything.
And I had a private conversation and she just put it out there.
So, I mean, you're right.
I was really blown away and shocked.
And, you know, but I do feel good that I didn't say anything racist or in like they just hate the truth, you know?
And she'll hate herself forever.
And you won't.
And if you had capitulated to her, you would feel like shit for years.
So, you know, we just have to be honest and call people out.
And then when they stab us in the back, go, goodbye.
I'll never speak to you again.
Unless they're your sister or brother.
And then end the relationship.
Alright, we gotta go.
I'm not even necessarily that mad.
It's just kind of like, when are we gonna get over this stuff?
You know, because these are a lot of generally nice people that, like you say, have been active.
Yeah, it's fashion.
It's all fashion and sports.
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