Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E166 - NO JUSTICE [2020-05-20 - S02E166 - NO JUSTICE]

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May 20, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:36:56

S02E166 - NO JUSTICE [2020-05-20 - S02E166 - NO JUSTICE]

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	Did she write that song?
	I don't think she did.
	I think it's like a 50s song.
	Crimson and Clover was a cover.
	She didn't really write a lot of songs, Joan Chet.
	She was a pretty good guitarist, but she's also a lesbian.
	Isn't it funny how when they show us chicks who can do what we do, they're always dykes?
	Oh yeah, you think men are the only ones that can play soccer?
	We have women's soccer.
	Yeah, but these cool chicks that can do what we do are your most male females.
	That have the most testosterone, the most man juice.
	Lesbians.
	We have the women's NBA.
	I would love to hear the percentage of female soccer players and female basketball players that are gay.
	My gut says it's 80.
	I'll go as low as 75.
	The reason I chose that song, I was just talking to Michelle Malkin, and she asked me to give a message to Trump at the end of the live stream.
	She's doing live streams all week with band people.
	She's in Nick Fuentez, Laura Loomer.
	I was today.
	And we should find a link.
	How can we...
	Look at this.
	What's the link?
	X-Player claims 98% of the women in the WNBA are gay and they bully straight players.
	Oh, you don't say.
	If these people really cared about the things they say they care about, they would hate where they end up.
	Do you believe all women?
	Do you want to fight for women's rights?
	Are you against domestic abuse?
	Okay, we should probably focus on where domestic abuse is really at its worst, which is in lesbian relationships.
	They kick the shit out of each other.
	Or I should say, the top kicks the shit out of the bottom.
	But yeah, the message I was saying to Trump on her show is he's very concerned about his reputation.
	He cares what people think about him.
	He has a big ego.
	And as we learned from talking to Dinesh D'Souza, he gets hurt.
	The toughest man in the history of presidents gets hurt, like when he killed that terrorist.
	And everyone said, fuck you.
	Obama killed Osama way better than you.
	Killed that guy.
	He hurt me today.
	And he goes, geez, I mean, I killed the head of ISIS.
	I thought I'd get a whats up, but no.
	And I think that's why he's so slow on Stone.
	Stop teasing us.
	He was saying to Lou Dobbs, I think, oh, stay tuned for what I think is really horrible what they did to Roger Stone.
	And I saw Lou Dobbs talking about this.
	He goes, it sounds to me like the FBI colluded with Russia to frame Roger Stone.
	And that's exactly what happened.
	Why isn't the DNC in trouble for this?
	We actually learned today that Barr is probably not going to pursue charges against Biden and Obama.
	Why do we get investigated for crimes we didn't do and they don't get investigated for crimes they did do?
	And who do we blame for this?
	The right?
	Maybe we should blame ourselves, you know?
	That we're so easily bullied by pussies, that we're so easily tricked by crappy magicians.
	Paper's boring.
	Same old shit.
	COVID, blah, blah, blah.
	You know how we feel about this.
	The numbers are 45.
	Oh, so it's on her Twitter?
	I even ordered a Japanese school uniform online.
	Okay, I'm not doing the quick version.
	So I did how many shows.
	I'm explaining the Toya Maguchi thing.
	Proud Boys has got four years in prison for assault with a deadly weapon, meaning Max's boot and the fact that John had a penknife on him and felony gang assault because they're in a gang, which they're not.
	Anyway, it's an interesting case I probably talk too much about on this show.
	Let's keep it light to begin with, shall we?
	I'd like to catch up with some letters today.
	Howard Stern is over, ruined.
	He sucks so much shit right now because he's one of these paranoid Jewish rich guys who thinks the world's at the Ghana and Nazis are everywhere.
	He hates Germany.
	If the subject of Germany comes up, he hates them because they had Nazis in them 100 years ago.
	And he hates going out.
	He's a germaphobe.
	He's neurotic.
	He has to see a therapist every single day.
	And the world's going to end.
	He's always been talking like that.
	And now this pandemic justifies all of that.
	And now he's saying bullshit like Trump should resign.
	Trump won't wear a mask because it affects his hair.
	And I listen to him in the car, and I can't listen to it anymore.
	He's screaming at people who aren't wearing masks.
	He's Karen.
	Something you thought this day would never come.
	Oh, I get you.
	That's after she beat cancer.
	I like Robin more now.
	She's got bigger balls.
	I read her autobiography, which was a weird thing to read.
	And the strange thing about it is she talks about hating white people and how Muhammad Ali taught her to be proud to be black.
	And she realized at a young age that white people will stab you in the back.
	But then you're reading the story and she's like getting raped by her black father, getting abused and beaten by her black mother.
	And all these black people are screwing her over.
	And the only bad thing the white person did to her is she had a good friend when she was a little kid.
	And then when she was like 13, the friend pretended they weren't friends because she was with other people.
	Ooh, the lynching of Robin Quivers.
	That sent her on a path of fuck whitey.
	It's a pretty black powery book for someone who doesn't really talk about race much.
	But yeah, Howard Stern, and they're all like this.
	They're all turning into Karens.
	David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel.
	Stay inside.
	Stay outside.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Cough.
	Oh, and you know what happens in his household now?
	He does a show from home, which he's probably going to do forever.
	And his lovely wife, Beth, has to clean and disinfect the entire home every day for him to be safe.
	You know how they get mail?
	They have like a, what's the word, triage room where they get the mail with gloves and everything, which they then throw out.
	They put down, they put it in another room where it sits for 48 hours.
	Then they rinse and wash it off with the Clorox bleach and then they look at what's inside.
	And so she's sitting there with gloves, just appeasing her neurotic husband.
	I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
	Out, damn spot, out, damn spot.
	It's not fun.
	That's what I hate about where we are as a nation.
	Where's the fun?
	Ever drive the speed limit?
	I'm like Sammy Hager.
	I can't drive 55.
	You just think, how can anyone drive this?
	And no one is.
	If you drive the speed limit, someone's up your ass in no time and cars are whipping by you.
	And that's what everyone, that's what we were talking about at the show yesterday, all this need for moderation and a safe space.
	The fucking loonies who want to moderate us are just disturbing.
	Actually, jump ahead to we are being moderated by the mentally ill.
	It's just power-hungry freaks, nerd loser pussies.
	I have power, trans Twitch moderator.
	Twitch, I guess, is that's what you watch people playing video games on, right?
	Trans Twitch moderator who identifies as a deer threatens to censor critics.
	There are some people that should be afraid of me.
	See?
	Doesn't that sum it up that sentence?
	There are some people who should be afraid of me.
	I can eradicate you.
	Those are antlers on his head, by the way.
	He's taking hormones.
	It's rare they do that.
	I don't think he did.
	They just take tons of testosterone.
	They almost had the same face.
	If you scroll down, you can see him.
	And he has that weird incel face.
	In my spare time, I go out to my yard.
	In my spare time, I go out to my yard and I prance around and I eat grass.
	Do your antlers fall off?
	And I just launch it because it helps me feel like in tune with my dear self.
	Do you also come out of the winter with gangrenous open sores on your hip?
	So I do my best.
	Because the life of a deer.
	In fact, you know what I just realized?
	Deer started me on this whole Animals or Losers things thing many years ago.
	Because when I tree planted, I'd see them all the time.
	And I was just like, your life is hell constantly like this.
	And they have open sores on them.
	They get cut and stuff.
	It gets infected.
	You'll see a deer with a hole in its side with maggots writhing in it.
	Then they shed their velvet from their...
	Horrific.
	I'll take it away.
	But that's just something they do.
	Their antlers just fall off and then their velvet sheds.
	It itches them.
	They have to try to get it off.
	You know, when God sees this, he just goes.
	Because he didn't know exactly what was going to go on.
	He knew man was going to exist.
	Okay, I'm going to make humans and they're going to get better and better and better until they realize earth actually is heaven.
	Life's just going to keep improving.
	But I have to use this magic splooge and throw it on earth.
	And I know that it's magic, so it's going to make weird things like a man of war and other stupid losers.
	But he didn't know exactly how crazy they would get.
	And then when he sees these, he's just like, Jesus Christ, my son.
	And yeah, he looks at that and he goes, Jesus Christ.
	And Jesus goes, what?
	He goes, oh, sorry, sorry.
	I was just looking at a deer.
	Oh, I thought you were calling me.
	Can you stop taking my name in vain, please?
	Because I keep thinking you're calling me.
	Why don't you go?
	And then God goes, why don't you go back to earth if you love it so much?
	They've been waiting for 2,000 years, you know.
	Get into it.
	I will.
	He's like a teenager who won't move out of the house.
	He's sitting there eating blueberries out of God's fridge, playing video games.
	Move out.
	You're what?
	3,000 years old now?
	But he's the only guy who could wear sandals.
	Only guy who's okay to wear sandals.
	Yeah, Jesus has to wear sandals because when you think about him wearing like skechers.
	Yeah, no, no.
	Or like rubber boots, what could he possibly wear?
	Desert boots.
	Desert boots?
	No.
	Clarks?
	A suit?
	What should maybe that's why he hasn't come back yet?
	Because he can't decide what to wear.
	Fred Perry?
	Because honestly, though, like, does he wear the robe and the sandals?
	That's pretty much all you could do.
	You couldn't wear this.
	That's a great that he doesn't know what to wear.
	He's been in his closet for 3,000 years.
	What about this?
	This thing's nice.
	This doesn't even fit anymore.
	Yeah, but go back to that last link.
	Because I sort of, her name is like Ferocious Steph, and she just thinks everyone's a Nazi.
	Okay, so that clip is her having a deergasm where someone rubs her hair, his hair, sorry, and she likes it.
	The level of self-indulgence here is just like, I feel weak.
	I want to act like a child.
	This is who moderates us.
	This is who's in charge.
	Go up a bit.
	Thank you.
	This is the money shot.
	I'm just not cool with white supremacy, y'all.
	It's really not that.
	I think a lot of you gamers are actually white supremacists.
	Sorry.
	Just a fact of how I feel.
	Which isn't a problem.
	No, I just not cool.
	Have you ever seen a better example?
	Is he streaming right now?
	No, I just not cool.
	Is that the whole clip?
	It's really not that.
	Yeah, I think a lot of you speaking of trans, now go up one.
	Vice got woke and went broke.
	Here's what I think happened with Weiss.
	I think Shane saw that he flew too close to the woke son and ended up with the SJW staff.
	And then they started unionizing and calling everyone sexist.
	So he said, I'll just put a woman there.
	And for all the bad shit I've ever thought about Shane Smith, no one can deny that he's a great salesman.
	And that's not easy.
	He's the CEO whisperer.
	You take that away, you take away vice.
	So this dumb bitch that they hired fucked up and started encouraging even more wokeness until they went brokenness.
	I was laid off from Vice on Friday.
	Now there's no one who reports on trans issues there anymore.
	See, you know what I don't get about this?
	Like I've been fired 8 million times.
	Lauren Southern, for example, no one asks where she's at.
	Well, she's retired now, basically, but back when she was doing stuff, they wouldn't say, hey, Lauren Southern is at Rebel or Lauren Southern is at One America News or something like that.
	No one cares.
	They were looking at her content.
	It's like a bartender.
	When he moves from a bar, people will follow him to that bar.
	So if you're a great writer and if you're really giving out important news, like Tim Poole, he could, no one cares where he's doing his shit from or who's hosting it.
	That's irrelevant.
	It's his message people follow.
	And Rogan, he's moving to.
	Rogan's going to Spotify.
	No one gives a fuck.
	So you're not, just go to your next venue if you're so valuable.
	But you're clearly not valuable.
	You're talentless.
	But here's the best part.
	Okay, I worked there for five.
	No, no, keep going.
	I worked there for five years.
	And by 2020, almost all the people have been actively investing in the development of the trans coverage that I built at Vice Iscon.
	Now, we just saw what trans coverage is.
	Are you willing to concede now what I said five years ago?
	They are mentally ill gays.
	Very simple.
	But that thread gets better.
	So I almost choked on my own snot there.
	The person who laid me off came to the company.
	That's the woman I think he's talking about there.
	Then you go down.
	The choice you make, what matters to you, it's heartbreaking that Vice thinks, blah, blah, blah.
	I said, I know of, became a very different company a year ago, blah, blah, blah.
	Two years ago, I successfully bargained in the union contract negotiations to obtain expansive trans coverage on our insurance plan.
	I explained how trans care is medically necessary and Vice agreed to expand to include everything for trans people, like everything.
	Including allowing you to mutilate yourself and we foot the bill.
	That's a good business decision, isn't it?
	And by the way, enjoy your job security when you force your employer at gumpoint to cut your cock off.
	I want to mutilate my genitals and you're going to pay for it.
	And I looked it up.
	It's not cheap.
	It can be up to $150,000 to have your cockloped.
	But go back.
	I'm grateful, blah, blah, blah.
	I have to, oh yeah.
	I was in the final stages of securing a surgery date around the time COVID-19 came and trans procedures were put on hold.
	I have to wonder whether that occurred to any of the people determining whether or not I should lose money.
	Yeah.
	Even if I believed in trans, I would look at it and go, hey, we're having a bit of trouble with the net here.
	I see there's someone who wants to charge us $150,000.
	What do they bring in, like, as far as value to the company?
	Oh, it's a mentally okay and no one reads their shit.
	Okay, well, I think we got to cut that cord.
	That's just too expensive.
	Look him up, too.
	Look up this guy.
	Deanna Tourgi?
	Yeah, he's obviously on hormones and he's been injecting his lips.
	And so in every picture, he has this bizarre duck face.
	Yeah, that's him.
	Up top there.
	Look at his face.
	Oh, I'm a woman.
	No, you don't look like a woman.
	You know what I think they said...
	You know why I think they said trans and gender binary?
	Because they started out just going, I'm not a man, I'm a woman.
	And then people started laughing.
	And they said, really?
	You look like Mrs. Doubtfire.
	And they went, oh, okay, I'm not a woman.
	Yeah, I know, but I'm not a man.
	What?
	Yeah, there's another one.
	Oh, I didn't know about that.
	Okay.
	I guess you're...
	A video of him?
	Sorry.
	I've been laughing at this since Monty Python.
	I can't stop now.
	That's his friend, I think.
	This is a joint project between Dana Tourget and...
	Pledge $15 or more, and we'll talk about drag queens and shit.
	Just give us money, please.
	I need money to cut my dick off.
	Flawless Sabrina.
	Yeah, she looks real flawless.
	I'm trying to not see a flaw.
	Oh, here we go.
	There's a message from Diana.
	I thought it was Deanna.
	Today we're going to look at a mock-up.
	It's just television series.
	I used to live with a bunch of lesbians in Montreal.
	I don't know why, but I was paying $100 a month in rent.
	So it would be rent day, and I go, what?
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	I think I got that on me.
	Like, rent wasn't even in my radar.
	But there was, I was in this tiny room at the back, but there was three other lesbians there.
	And they would change their name all the time.
	This is before cell phones.
	This is like 1990.
	So I'd get a call.
	I'd answer the hello.
	Hi, is Georgie there?
	And I go, I don't know.
	Is anyone calling themselves fucking Georgie this week?
	While you sit there and make hats and your dad pays your bills?
	Collaboration between Flawless Sabrina.
	So in 1984, Flawless and John Waters with Divine were working on a television Series called The Apple Pie Show, which was going to be a news talk show basically with different celebrities hosted by both Devine and John Waters.
	And this is a mock-up, basically, something that was put together to help sell the television show.
	So you've got descriptions here of who you're talking about.
	Interesting, isn't it?
	John Waters wanted to do a show with Devine.
	Yeah, I figured.
	I forgot I was alive just for a second.
	The show itself is interesting.
	Why?
	Let's just sit here with him.
	Look, pledge $15 or more, and you can watch me look at a TV pitch from the 80s.
	Actually, go to this.
	Yes, please.
	Hi, you're flawless, Sabrina.
	That's flawless, Sabrina.
	Go to the censored Reddit.
	I saw this cool article that said, believe all women is a right-wing trap.
	Don't fall for it, feminists.
	So they come up with Believe All Women.
	Then it starts affecting their side, and now they reject it.
	That's the way it works, right?
	What are you doing?
	This is a subreddit.
	I know, well, find the fucking article I'm talking about.
	Like, why don't you just show them Google while you're at it?
	Scroll down till you see a New York Times article.
	Holy fuck, you're fucking slow.
	I want to stab you.
	Why are you going so slow?
	It's a huge picture of an article.
	There we go, Ryan.
	Oh, that would have been a great help to describe it, that it's a picture.
	Believe all women is a right-wing trap.
	So I look at that, and I'm getting good at this now.
	I'm thinking, so you're a liar and a hypocrite.
	You work for the New York Times, and you'll happily turn on a dime when things are inconvenient for you.
	So you're what we were talking about yesterday, a fucking liar.
	So I look up Susan Faluti, and she's a feminist author who, ready for this one?
	This is who wants to moderate us, just like the two people we just saw.
	At 76, Susan Feluti's father became a woman, giving her a strange daughter the news in an email in 2004 with the subject line, changes.
	You know that article that got me fired about being trans?
	Sorry, did I just say me being trans?
	I think so.
	About trans being mentally ill gays.
	I started the article saying, yeah, when your father shows up and he had a beard last Thanksgiving, and here he is this Thanksgiving in a dress with no penis, everyone's totally cool with that, right?
	And the truth is, only the mentally ill lunatic freak liars like Susan Faluti are cool and call it changes.
	So I was mocking this exact attitude of, it's okay, it's just a change.
	Like, how brainwashed do you have to be to fucking not be freaked out by your 76-year-old father becoming a woman?
	That's not her father, that's her, but close.
	This wasn't her father's first reinvention, but it was the one that drew Feluti back into her life as both a daughter with unresolved grievances and a journalist with a story to pursue.
	And it's a remarkable story.
	Oh, it sounds remarkable.
	The story reaches back to her father's childhood as a Hungarian Jew coming of age in the midst of the Nazi horror.
	We knew we had to get the Nazis in there.
	That's what pays the bills.
	Like, I remember Bill O'Reilly saying, if all of these taxes were going and I saw like these orphanages and mental institutions that were perfect and spotless and all these people getting the help they need and the homeless rate going down with all the mental institutions going up and people getting better and really efficient health care, he goes, I wouldn't mind paying my taxes, which is kind of what's happening in Denmark.
	They are paying a lot of tax, but they're also, they have no minimum wage and the free market is off to the races.
	So I think Bill Rye was subconsciously saying, I'd like Denmark, I could live with.
	And that's not the kind of socialism that Bernie and AOC are promoting.
	They want to have both no free market and free market paying tons of money to them.
	It's not how it goes.
	That's what I always said about Bernie supporters in the northeast, like Vermont and stuff.
	I like them.
	They're just bad at math.
	But they're patriotic and they have flags in their yard and they have guns.
	But I wouldn't mind these people wanting to moderate all this shit and validate.
	Remember yesterday?
	That's valid of you to say.
	If they were really good at it.
	And even Ron Coleman said, you know, there was a time when Twitter did have a lot of Nazis.
	There's not a lot of Nazis in the world, but they were disproportionately represented in Twitter.
	And it was just like fucking Jews, die, kiked, Holocaust, blah, blah, blah.
	And that does get annoying.
	It's a tiny, tiny group of people, though.
	Tiny irrelevant.
	But if they get on your message board, you kind of have to weed them out.
	It takes like a day.
	I thought you said you were pro-free speech, Gavin.
	No, I'm not talking about ideas I disagree with.
	I'm talking about vandalism, people vandalizing.
	It's like when Antifa comes to a talk and just is like, dong, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
	That's not, you're preventing speech.
	But so if they were doing that and just like helping speech go along by stopping van, the occasional vandal and not shutting down interesting conservatives like Milo Laura, the G-Dog, Michelle, blah, blah, blah, then I wouldn't be so mad.
	But it's that these clowns, these mentally ill lunatics are the ones that want to monitor us.
	And they're about to elect one for president, they think.
	See, Biden, he's the worst of the lot.
	He's going to control everyone.
	Here, this is one of the last links, Ryan.
	He said, he said, well, first of all, he said, I've never hate the way Trump makes nicknames for people.
	It's so petty.
	And now he goes, oh, this, by the way, in this live address to the nation, whatever the fuck it's called, there's someone wandering around in the background.
	So he's not practicing social distancing.
	He still has a staff.
	And there's a goose Making a racket in the background, guys.
	Audio is crucial.
	Audio is crucial.
	If there's a goose going, stop and start again.
	Or close the fucking window, retard.
	He's able to get this money out to the folks who desperately need it to stay afloat.
	Is it incompetence?
	Corruption?
	If that incompetent vid casting again this morning, I called president tweeting.
	Reopen the country, end of quote.
	How are we supposed to do that if you're sitting on the money small businesses need in order to stay alive?
	What?
	Stop tweeting about it.
	Get the money out to Main Street.
	Do you want to get the money out to Main Street?
	Open up Main Street and let us buy shit.
	Let me go to my barber's.
	Let me go to my bar.
	By the way, Asian John has the keys to a certain bar I won't name.
	So we can start going there.
	Interesting.
	Yeah.
	So I'll be back up to two bars that I can sneak into.
	But as I said yesterday, I don't enjoy the shame.
	Bar is a place you're proud to be a man.
	Maybe we shouldn't...
	We should go there but not wear clothes, so that way if any Karen's walked by, all they'll say is...
	This nigga is an asshole, nigga!
	You know what we could do, and I've done this a few times.
	I have a perfect cock.
	I'm debuting that now.
	I sort of held it back.
	But what I can do to women is they go, hey, what the hell's going on in here?
	And I just take out my penis and lay it in my hand.
	And they go, you don't.
	Hello.
	And I just, and then I put it back in my pants and they go, what was I talking about?
	Wait, it's like the mind eraser from Men in Black.
	Neuralizer.
	It's a neuralizer.
	I just lay it out.
	Sorry, is there a problem here?
	Oh, my.
	I saw that happen once live.
	I was at a boxing match and the women who come out and hold up the numbers, Jesus, I guess because they're Mexican, they are so fucking hot.
	It's insane.
	I don't know where they get these women.
	I guess they're Puerto Ricans and they find the best Puerto Rican there is and maybe Puerto Ricans, a lot of them are fat, ugly pigs, but when they get a good one, they get a really good one.
	Anyway, she's out there doing her walk with her high-heel shoes on.
	And I'm looking at the guy next to me and he loses consciousness and he goes, I didn't know him.
	I was just standing next to him.
	It was a standing room only kind of thing.
	And I look at him and he's going like this.
	Oh my God.
	Just doing the thing.
	He was like licking her vagina in his mind and he had self-hypnotized.
	So that joke character I was just doing of Karen, I actually saw live.
	That was too much of indecent.
	What if he went on a date with her?
	Hey, so thanks for taking me here.
	I love, I always eat here.
	I love Italian.
	I like you.
	That reminds me of me and my buddy Sharky.
	We used to do these characters when we go to a bar and we pretend we were unbelievably wasted.
	And we go, you two are fucking hot.
	Hot to the shot.
	So beautiful.
	Oh, you should take a bath.
	You can use this one, by the way.
	You two should get in the bath together.
	Have a bath.
	And you're not threatening, right?
	Because you're falling off the bar.
	And they go, yeah, that's a great idea.
	Thanks a lot.
	Thanks for the tip.
	Oh, wait.
	You have a bath.
	Watch this.
	I'm not drunk anymore.
	That's magic.
	I can make myself not drunk.
	What do you think?
	And they usually laugh, but this one girl goes, I don't believe you.
	I'm like, what?
	The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane.
	Hello, how are you?
	Want to do any tests?
	She's like, no, you're full of shit.
	I was dropping off this bar a second ago.
	Anyway, they are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.
	Oh, that's a goody, oldie, but a goodie.
	You saw Armed Robbery, stole the TV.
	I stole the TV.
	The beginning of Strangers with Candy, Amy Sederis is talking about, I was a boozer and a user and a loser.
	And then she just goes, I stole the TV.
	Out of the blue, you're not going to find that.
	But everyone's seen this by now.
	Armed robbery is turning out to be an even bigger loser than all their other losers.
	I gave them a real guy in Mississippi, gay black dude, victim of a hate crime, run over on a truck.
	But you didn't want it.
	You wanted the swing state guys.
	So we get armed robbery, who was being chased by guys after a series of break-ins, and they had the right guy.
	It's not really a great example of racism.
	And this right guy has been a fuck-up his whole life.
	Such a fuck-up that I'm not sure if he's a criminal or just severely retarded.
	For example, we showed a clip yesterday where he was practicing rapping in the park by parking his car in the middle of a field and giving cops shit.
	This is the other thing about him.
	The story that I believe is that he grabbed the rifle and it went off and shot him.
	And we can see that's the way he behaves when he's confronted.
	Like he's always pissy with the cops.
	He's going close to you.
	And again, this is a totally separate clip from yesterday, but again, it's the no shirts with the parka.
	Hey, guys.
	Y'all camera for show.
	You know how hot that is?
	And he's in Georgia, I think.
	Like attractive hot.
	He looks so African.
	Why are you gay?
	I got a parka.
	It is from Canada.
	It's a grey goose.
	These are my friends.
	These are my friends.
	I do not steal that TV.
	And again, they have them on camera stealing the TV.
	And don't make this hard on yourselves.
	All of you, take a seat.
	Take a seat.
	The floor is dirty.
	I'm not going to take a seat.
	But people have the poo-poo there.
	I'm not going to sit in the poo-poo.
	Imagine being a cop and just having to hear lies all day.
	I'm starting to.
	I was talking to a fire man yesterday, and I was like, I don't think cops can do anything.
	I think we're done.
	Like, they're very lucky.
	Say those guys stole the TV.
	They're very lucky to get there in time.
	To steal a TV takes no time.
	You run in, grab it, run away.
	The cops can't get anywhere in under five minutes.
	Sometimes 15 minutes.
	As I learned in the Bronx, it's 45 minutes or never.
	They're not right now in the pandemic.
	They're not going to anything unless it's a rape or a murder.
	But even if it is a murder in the hood, right?
	You show up there.
	Yeah, my brother was murdered.
	Okay.
	What do you want me to do?
	Go door to door and try to find witnesses?
	No one's going to talk to me.
	They might shoot me.
	They hate me.
	And with the Proud Boys, they said there's nothing to see here.
	They had a press conference and they said, though, these guys were ambushed.
	They weren't roaming the streets like a hate gang.
	They just beat up someone who wanted to fight them.
	And the DNC said, fuck off, cops.
	We're throwing them in prison.
	What?
	Okay.
	Seems weird.
	So what do cops, and I'm on the side of cops, but what can they do?
	They used to be able to do, like in New York, for example, I talked to cops that said they could tell by the way someone walked if they had a gun.
	And that's a real, in the NYPD, if you get someone with a gun, that's a high five.
	If you bring in someone for smoking a joint, everyone in the station makes fun of you.
	But getting a gun off the streets, that's a feather in your pocket.
	So he started to notice the certain walk they did.
	It's kind of slower, you know, less peppy.
	And so he caught like 15 guns.
	Now that's stopping Frisk.
	Can't do that anymore.
	They're going to get sued if they do something wrong.
	They knew the truth about George Zimmerman, and it didn't work.
	Look at the fucking Rodney King.
	They chase a guy through the suburbs.
	They finally get him to stop.
	He's endangered to thousands of lives, hundreds of lives, dozens of lives, I don't know.
	And everyone stops.
	He won't sit down, like armed.
	And he laughs in their face when they tase him.
	So they beat him.
	Everyone sees the whole tape in court.
	All right, sorry, you're not guilty.
	I just seen the last two seconds of you beating him.
	I didn't realize what he was doing.
	And then there's riots on the streets.
	So they go, put the cup in jail.
	Yeah, everyone's mad.
	So put him in jail.
	And I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of criminals paying witnesses, like 10 grand sometimes, to shut their mouths.
	I've been hearing the story like this since the 90s.
	Where it's like, oh, yeah, then what happened?
	Well, he had some money.
	So he went up to the witnesses and he said, here's 10 grand.
	And you either go to court and it's going to turn out very bad for you, or you take this 10 grand and I never see you again.
	And they're like, yeah, I think I'll do that.
	So, or it's like stealing your phone.
	They don't have a magic phone tracker more than I do.
	So I have to go there and put up posters.
	And I'm not saying cops should be putting up posters for my phone.
	I just think in an era where we're calling the cops for everything, that's assault.
	The police are on their way.
	Remember that conservative kid who had a sign and it was like being white is okay or something and someone ripped it from him?
	And he goes, call the cops.
	And puts his hands in his pockets.
	The cops aren't magic.
	In my neighborhood, about 10 years ago, there was fighter jets flying overhead.
	People called the cops.
	Now, say the cops were Superman.
	What would Superman do?
	Hey, where are you going?
	I can't hear you.
	I've been a fighter jet.
	Pull over.
	Pull over?
	Where?
	Follow me to the base and I can explain, I guess.
	The fuck are you doing?
	But they're not Superman.
	And then these Karens have simultaneously made the cops responsible for everything.
	If it rains on your birthday, call the cops.
	And then at the exact same time, strip them of all their rights and put them in litigious hell where they're going to get sued if they say the wrong thing and they're going to be racist.
	And if a black guy steals something, they're going to be called a Nazi and have people show up at their door.
	Remember when the top brass says, arrest these Karens if you see them in the park.
	Oh, fuck, really?
	So they arrest her and then the whole town shows up at the cop's house.
	They can't even catch you if you run away.
	Look, that's my first link under cops are finished.
	And again, I'm not shitting on cops.
	I'm just saying I don't see how they can do their job anymore.
	I think the job is over.
	And this is a slightly separate topic.
	It seems pretty easy to outrun a cop.
	I mean, isn't he a middle-aged man?
	And with all this shit on him and a big hot chest, bulletproof vest thing?
	Meanwhile, you got Nikes and shorts?
	So this story is this guy in the cool car just picked up her.
	That's his girlfriend.
	And now she's saying, get away, boyfriend.
	I want to go in the guy with the nice car.
	This is like cave level.
	But if you scroll way ahead, the cops shove.
	What the hell's going on here?
	Oh, you're seeing a girlfriend be stolen.
	His eyebrows.
	I look too much like John Leguizamo.
	Oh, I got some Billy's love out.
	Oh, it's a room.
	I cannot.
	They're wearing a suit.
	I can outrun someone in a suit.
	What kind of hangout is this shit?
	That's a party?
	I don't know what it is.
	But I guess this guy's getting threatening.
	And then look at this.
	He's gone.
	He's 14.
	He's an antelope.
	Shitting his belt.
	You're an elephant.
	Elephants don't get antelopes.
	Elephants can't even catch dogs.
	The checkers.
	And he's gone.
	Look at this other chase.
	And in the good old days, they just catch someone and they think, I don't want to waste the court's time.
	I'm just going to beat the Shit out of this guy.
	He'll learn.
	You can't do that anymore.
	You have to put it through the courts and charge me thousands of dollars as a taxpayer to process this stupid charge, like selling meth.
	Yeah, that's right.
	I think selling meth should be just fine.
	Doctors do it.
	Yeah.
	I was on it all last week.
	Look at this.
	Look, he's just, you know, when you're so exhausted, you think you're going to die?
	I get this with boxing sometimes.
	That's what he's going through right now.
	He's like so winded, he's worried he's having a heart attack.
	It's like tasting pennies.
	Oh, I can taste blood.
	Oh, I don't feel good.
	I think I'm going to barf.
	I need a granola bar, help, and the chair.
	Think of a crime.
	There's nobody rooting for cops out there.
	Like all these people.
	No one's rooting for you.
	They're like, woo, you're a bad.
	Like, think of any crime.
	Say I stab you right now, right?
	Then I roll your body up, drive out to New Jersey tonight.
	I'm dead?
	Yeah.
	Oh, man.
	Stab you to death.
	put it in a hole, and then I just...
	And then I just call the police and go, hey, I work with this guy.
	I haven't seen him in a while.
	Did you arrest him?
	Even if they suspect I killed him, are they going to do the DNA?
	I could just wash it with bleach.
	I'll stab you right in the spine so there's not a lot of blood.
	There'd be plenty of it right away.
	That's where I keep most of my blood, is my spine.
	I once had a cop say to me, he goes, if anyone's ever killed and it looks like it could conceivably be a suicide, we're not going to bother.
	my god.
	Like, if he's lying like this and the gun's in his hand, it's like...
	You know, detectives don't really have time.
	Holy crap.
	Like that woman who killed her husband with hydrochloroquine with koi fish pond cleaner.
	The case Steven Crowder had to crack.
	Like Joel, this is true with what's his name?
	Joel Gilbert?
	Joel Gilbert.
	I think we're supposed to pronounce it American.
	Joel Gilbert.
	He cracked that case.
	The cops were told, hey, go to the girlfriend's house.
	And then someone just said, no, actually, that's the girlfriend.
	They're like, okay.
	They managed to, they can be manipulated like little marionettes.
	They kick out Trayvon's mom and they put in the other woman.
	Now you're the parents, grieving parents.
	Cover up your crip tattoo.
	And they just use the media, the DNC, to politicize everything.
	Well, it's like they're like the muscle, right?
	They go do the muscle stuff and whoever's the brain doesn't exactly exercise the muscles anymore.
	Like they can catch speeders.
	If you buy Coke and you get caught, I don't know how you got caught, by the way.
	Shouldn't you just do it in the bathroom?
	But say you got caught and they go, where'd you get this from?
	Then you say the guy, but they have to prove it and you don't have it on tape.
	Like say someone roofies a chick and then rapes her.
	How are they even going to prove that?
	You'd need footage of the roofie going in.
	But he's like, I don't know.
	She seemed drunk.
	She took me home.
	You'd need a blood sample to prove she was roofied, but then he could just say, oh, someone must have roofied her.
	I didn't do it.
	I'm surprised anyone's in jail.
	How do you arrest people?
	How do criminals get caught?
	I don't understand it.
	There's a lot of taking word for and, you know, just plea deals.
	Who the fuck is in prison?
	What did you do?
	How'd you get caught?
	I understand like infiltrations where there's an undercover guy and he hears about a murder or something.
	I get that.
	Or when they go undercover and someone says, here, undercover cop, here's $10,000.
	Go kill my wife.
	I understand that.
	But how did he know to be there?
	I guess the husband said, I think my wife's trying to kill me.
	Or Carol Baskin.
	Right.
	I was just thinking about that.
	She's out in the middle of nowhere.
	You probably hear gunshots all the time.
	Big deal.
	Goes to the back of her husband's head.
	He falls down.
	Digs a hole.
	Probably takes about half an hour.
	And he's gone.
	What are you going to do?
	Dig up her entire property 20 feet deep?
	Seems tough.
	They got some wilderness down there, too.
	I mean, you could just...
	No, she just buries him where she shot him.
	Just right there?
	Yeah.
	Let's go for a walk in the woods.
	I love you.
	I love you.
	That's the last thing you heard.
	And then we have this pathetic justice system that throws my friends in prison.
	Or check out this chick, Evelyn Farkas.
	She came across my radar because she's running for Congress in Westchester, the suburbs where I live.
	Former Obama defense official admitted under oath that she lied on MSNBC about having Trump-Russia collusion evidence.
	How is that not a career killer?
	What's going on?
	Where are the standards?
	Where's the justice?
	Like, why isn't she in jail?
	She's running for Congress after this?
	Isn't that kind of a smudge on your record?
	Look at the other, the Lohud article.
	According to the transcript, former Republican Trey Gowdy asked Farkas, you also didn't know whether or not anybody in the Trump campaign had colluded with Russia, did you?
	I didn't, Farkas replied.
	Well, then why did you say what you said?
	And she says, oh, because I had a strong suspicion.
	And then later when she's asked, so, and this is her being asked, so when you say we knew, the reality is you knew nothing.
	And she goes, well, yeah, nothing that's been reported out in the press, that's not been in the press.
	So she's sitting there saying, we have evidence.
	And I don't even want to say, because I don't want you to attack our sources.
	And then she says, in court, that was a lie.
	Anyway, I'm running for Congress.
	What?
	And I was, remember the other day I was trying to remember, Jake Tapper had some major controversy, and I forgot about it.
	And this is after he was ridiculed for stepping in shit, basically, on Twitter, when he said, the right has no bottom.
	There's no low they won't stoop to.
	And then people started listing CNN's lows.
	They didn't even list the one when CNN doxed the guy who made a meme.
	And they said, We have his home address.
	We won't release it because he's promised he won't do it again.
	But we're watching him.
	We're monitoring him.
	This is, I'm going crazy here.
	Real quick, what was the name of that woman that took in the Antifa people?
	She was like, it sounded like Evelyn Farkas.
	Remember?
	That little short Asian chick that got arrested?
	She's like an Antifa?
	Oh, that's not Evelyn Farkas.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	What is her name?
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	So I was trying to remember Tapper's controversy, and then I remembered it.
	It's right below the left is above the law.
	The DNC...
	I mean the things below the things we've already discussed, but under that category.
	Remember this story?
	The DNC was on the phone and exchanging emails with Jake Tapper and Chuck Todd, and the DNC was feeding them questions.
	The email was then forwarded to another DC staffer with a message that said, need to know ASAP if we want to offer Jake Tapper questions to ask us.
	I mean, aren't you marched out of the building at that point?
	Isn't that the end of your career?
	Nope.
	Still going.
	He's still, wasn't he monitoring the presidential debates too?
	Wasn't he the mediator for that?
	Fucking mental, man.
	All right.
	I want to rip into this mailbag.
	How are we doing for time?
	We're at less than an hour, 48 minutes.
	Well, good.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a death.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	So just to summarize, there's no justice.
	The left is above the law.
	And the job of police officer no longer exists.
	So the answer is, if you want justice, you have to sue.
	Lawfare is the only way to do it.
	That's the only way I could fight back against the SPLC.
	I couldn't defend myself on social media.
	And it worked.
	I decapitated the SPLC, and I haven't even started yet.
	The complaint is still in the judge's hands.
	He refused to dismiss it after the SPLC asked that he would.
	I don't know when he will move forward.
	Oh, Yvette Falarka.
	Yeah, that's her name.
	No, she didn't take them into her home.
	It's not Yvonne Falarka.
	It just sounded so familiar.
	Yvette.
	No, but what her people would do is they would put them up Antifa, homeless Antifa kids, little punk kids basically, in these houses that I'm told there is a tangential link to Soros, the owners of these homes.
	And then these orphan kids would feel obligated to return the favor.
	So they were like rounding up orphans, sort of like, you know, criminals.
	They were making...
	That's something someone should go to prison for.
	Rounding up orphans and using them for violence.
	Wait, her name is Yvette Falarca.
	They got that wrong.
	They said Yvette Flora.
	That's what I just said.
	Yeah, but that's Fox News proper.
	That's really weird that they would.
	I bet it's a chick.
	No.
	No.
	It's Edmund.
	It's a pretty big fuck up.
	And so you have to do your own research.
	Like Joel Gilbert changed my life.
	He got the truth out about Trayvon by just hitting the pavement.
	Journalism is dead.
	So if you want to find out what happened, you have to do it yourself.
	And if you're like George Zimmerman and you get fucked over, you have to sue.
	I don't like it.
	British people, we're not Canadians.
	We're not litigious.
	We're not a litigious culture.
	But it works.
	So you leave me no choice.
	Rob.
	Hi, Gabby Hines.
	That is an inside joke.
	I got a call.
	No one gets my name right on calls because it's usually Puerto Ricans, and I guess they don't know any Scottish people.
	But I got a call from Con Ed, Affirmative Action Hire.
	And she goes, hello, is this Cabby Hines?
	And I go, wow.
	How is it spelled there?
	And she goes, oh, G-A-V-I-N, M-C-I-N-N-E-S.
	And I go, all right, so let's just break this down.
	So the M-C just vanishes into thin air.
	And the double ends, they don't exist now.
	They don't make a hard consonant, I mean a hard vowel.
	So that's now I-N-E-S.
	And then the V is a B. And how is a G a C?
	That's what I don't get.
	It's like, oh, I'm sorry, sir, if I pronounce your name wrong.
	And why do you guys say pi-mini when you mean five minutes?
	How do you get a p out of an F?
	Now that's how guys talk to one another.
	Ju shuga biba.
	What?
	That's not English.
	You know what he was saying to me?
	Should have got a minivan?
	I should have got a minivan.
	This is Northside Car Service in Williamsburg when I was carrying a big long painting I had bought and the edges were getting damaged in the car.
	He's right.
	But he can't speak English, even though he was probably born here.
	I've always been curious about that weirdest tattoo near your left elbow.
	And when you got it up, I've always known it looked familiar, and then I realized why.
	I picked up some Jimmy John's today and noticed their logo, hoping you could shed some light.
	What the fuck is he talking about?
	Near your left elbow?
	Near your left elbow?
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	Oh, wait, is it that?
	This?
	Because from far away it looks like two days.
	You could zoom in on it, Ryan.
	It's pretty uninteresting, but I have some tattoos of cute things about my kids.
	And when my eldest boy was younger, he thought Jiminy Cricket's name was Crickety Cricket.
	So this is done.
	This is done by the guy, Jay Howell, who did the cartoon Sanjay and Craig.
	So he thought Jiminy, that's a top hat.
	He thought Jiminy Cricket's name was Crickety Cricket.
	And I used to get him to say it all the time because he had a sort of a little kid lisp.
	You want to show it again, real quick?
	Well, I think we've seen it.
	Am I mistaken, or is that what you think, Sadie?
	Yeah, I think you're right.
	What a stupid letter.
	Zach, this is jiggle attempt number two.
	The link works.
	Wait for the jiggle and say wiener and poopmora.
	The music in the vid is half the fun.
	Love both of your shits.
	Sounds like something, like some deep web nonsense.
	An error occurred.
	Please try again.
	Sir, you are officially banned from the show.
	We will never be reading a letter from Zach again.
	And you again made it some stupid Google photo thing.
	Yeah, why don't you just upload it to YouTube private fucking?
	Like he said, no, this one works.
	I got it right this time.
	And he did the exact same thing.
	In fact, I think he went message resend.
	Yeah, I didn't see anyone.
	I'm going to stab you, Zach.
	You're banned.
	Banned from the show.
	You're banned.
	Hey, Sailor Pants, an Uber fag.
	Who's who?
	Well, you're Uber Fag.
	You called your apartment the fag zone.
	I never did.
	But why am I Sailor Pants?
	It works.
	Unbanned.
	I had to download it.
	Oh, geez.
	Oh, there's not safe for work, I predict.
	This is a teabagging.
	All right.
	Thanks for showing us your stupid antics that aren't funny.
	Just keep that to yourselves.
	Teabagging, that's funny amongst your circle of friends.
	Like, don't send me someone with a penis on their forehead that's passed out.
	How is that funny to me?
	I've just finished reading Thomas Sowell's Intellectuals in Society, and wow, everyone should read this book.
	It's astounding the amount of damage that intellectuals have done to society over the decades.
	Sow Soul lays it out beautifully with fantastic research, but doesn't this quote just sum up intellectuals or snobs?
	And then he has a Soul quote, which is, nothing is easier to detect than the absurdities of ideas in the past.
	Nor are such absurdities simply those of the village idiot.
	All too often they have been the absurdities of the village genius, who may not realize that the depth of his genius says nothing about the limits of its scope.
	Moreover, the village idiot seems unlikely to have acquired the same influence as the village genius or to have some capacity for generating major disasters.
	Intellect, even intellect that reaches the level of genius, is not the same as wisdom.
	Yeah, that reminds me of in my fancy neighborhood, there was this like $2.5 million house, and it was in a neighborhood that is probably 99.8% white.
	And in front of this massive, beautiful mansion, and it's not even on near like a roadway or anything.
	It's really ensconced in the burbs.
	So it was weird that I even came across it.
	I was just kind of wandering on my bike with my kid.
	And it said, Black Lives Matter.
	What?
	And I went to the local police.
	I buy them subs sometimes from this really popular sub shop in the Bronx that cops love.
	I was giving him subs.
	And I told him about that.
	And he goes, really?
	He goes, it's weird in this area how people so educated could be so stupid.
	Like, there's an argument if you're in, I don't know, the south side of Chicago and the black people dying and there's a shootout with the police and you lost your cousin.
	Maybe I could understand that or you got some misinformation about Ferguson or something or you believe the Trayvon thing and you wanted to tell those police, but you're telling it to suburban police who will never touch their gun their entire career, I promise you, and who only do speeding.
	Occasionally, they'll come up to your house if you were robbed by some tourist criminal.
	Have your cell phone taken off your loan.
	They might fill out a form.
	They don't even fill out that form.
	You fill out the form.
	They'll take a complaint and file it.
	And you're telling him not to kill black kids?
	Okay, got it.
	Thanks.
	I'll try to tone down the child murders.
	Hey, Gav, I saw you mentioned that your kids are getting free education.
	I grew up in Nevada.
	There's a ton of BIA land in there.
	What's that mean again?
	Indian land?
	So I met a ton of natives.
	Surprisingly, very few actually take advantage of this free education, though.
	In grade school, I grew up learning about our expansion as positive.
	Now in university, they teach it as a negative.
	I see millions of dollars going to these native lands, and we still get berated about how bad we were to steal the land.
	Their lives are better off because of Western expansion, how I see it.
	Question, should we be allocating funds to these tribes in the degree to which we do?
	How is it different than giving reparations to black Americans?
	Good question.
	My kids get a check every month, and my wife has received quite a large amount of money from her tribe.
	And I brought up this question with her.
	I said, is this because I stole your land?
	She got very angry.
	One of the few times she's really like, she gets pissed at me, but this was like fire and brimstone.
	The only other time she got this mad was she was reading a book about divorce.
	And I said, should that make me uneasy?
	You're sitting here indulging in a book that's all about a woman who enjoyed her divorce.
	And she goes, well, if there's one thing that pisses me off, it's people telling me what I should and shouldn't read.
	I was like, oh, simmer down.
	And this was another time.
	So I said the land thing.
	And she goes, we had a land deal.
	The Ho-Chunks had a land deal.
	They sent half the tribe to Nebraska and they kept coming back.
	And they did it so many times that some stayed and they're called Winnebagos, but it's the same tribe.
	We had a land deal with them to rectify this.
	They signed it.
	It was cool.
	They didn't honor the deal that we signed.
	Okay?
	And now they are paying back the money with interest for what they did wrong.
	It's a trust that's generating money in the stock market and we are getting the interest off the money that they agreed to pay us for our land.
	So the fact that I get this money is because my ancestors did a good deal.
	She goes, it's exactly like Daphne Guinness of the Guinness beer family.
	She didn't do anything, but she gets checks because the guy who started Guinness, who I think did this by accident, invented Stout and started one of the most popular beers in the world.
	That really put it into perspective for me.
	Also, separately, her tribe owns a casino and she gets allocations as do my kids from the casino.
	I don't really have a problem with that.
	But they've got a lot of dough, that tribe.
	Some tribes don't get any money.
	Like, you know how everyone says they're Cherokee?
	That's because Cherokees don't verify.
	And you know why Cherokees don't verify?
	Because they don't have any money.
	So if they don't have land that has something, some sort of resource, or they didn't do a good deal, they don't get any money.
	There's 3,000 tribes in America.
	They all get treated differently.
	Some of them get dope, some of them don't.
	So no, I don't think you should just get money because we were mean to you.
	You were mean to us, too.
	It was a 400-year fight.
	It was a good deal.
	Frankly, there are a lot of Native American deals, but frankly, this one was quite great.
	I call him Joe Who Sleeps.
	Here's a disturbing letter.
	Dear Gavin and Mayor of Fag Zone.
	I don't know who he is.
	He's not the mayor.
	He just lives in it.
	Who?
	After watching more of your shows, I'm starting to worry that you are the next Perry project.
	Ryan's ceaseless means of screwing up is similar to that of Moll's.
	Oh, Schnepp.
	That makes me feel like it's a matter of time.
	I find it next to impossible for him to mess up so badly and frequently.
	This has led me to believe that he is a prank on you.
	An example of his deception is that, like Mole, he is wearing a wig.
	The constant messing with his hair is an indication of such.
	We all know that you are on good terms with Jimmy Kimmel.
	You're not on good terms with Jimmy Kimmel anymore.
	And I think that since he was the one who produced Windy City Heat, what would stop him from doing the same to you?
	He did write Hillary on my motorcycle helmet in Black Marker.
	He has been mean to me before.
	I never did that.
	Gavin, wake up before it's too late.
	Here is video proof that Ryan is lying to you.
	You can see the real Ryan playing with his band in the video attached.
	You can confirm that it is him due to his obvious inspiration of his taste in shitty music.
	Wait, where the hell is that?
	Wait, that's something the same thing.
	Yes, it is.
	Charles.
	Gavin, I'm worried.
	Wait a minute.
	Is this you proving that he's right?
	No.
	Oh, you just got this, isn't it?
	Pretending you can't understand this?
	That's not me.
	So you've done other characters in the past.
	That's not me.
	Doesn't even look like me.
	Alright, it looks a little like me, but his teeth are way nicer.
	No, they're not.
	His teeth are straighter.
	How did he know this exists?
	It sounds almost as good as Aboriginal music.
	Remember that woman?
	How that would take too long to find and you're terrible at finding anything?
	There was, it was my favorite thing for about a year and a half.
	I was obsessed with two Aboriginal musicians and a tranny on the piani.
	And it was from Australia, obviously.
	And so the pianist was fairly good.
	I mean, it is a man.
	And he's like, oh, the people will change and change happens to them.
	Something like that, like that level of good with an okay piano thing.
	And then they would cut to the Abbos who were sitting next to them and they would just go, and they had two sticks that they were just going, oh, you found it.
	This is that show Q and Day on API.
	Are you worried that you got caught being mole?
	By the kindness of your nature.
	And do you know for sure that this audience is ultra, ultra left?
	Because take it away, Aboriginals.
	Yes, I'm nodding to you.
	Go.
	It's your turn.
	Go.
	Action, Olsen.
	Action.
	He laughs.
	Pardon?
	We suck.
	He's laughing at how much we suck.
	And either the music was striking on her spit and woke up, or she started laughing and triggered her husband to start laughing.
	Which one's the husband?
	It just sounds so bad.
	I don't know what gender any of these people are.
	That's your musical instrument?
	That's the musical instrument of a baby.
	Like, even a seven-year-old will come up with some little zip, chick, chick, chip, chick.
	Just like Dinner for Schmuck's concert version.
	Is this Tranny really pissed off?
	Is he thinking this is pissed off?
	That person has no standards.
	No, they're not pissed.
	Those abos can do no wrong in that guy's eyes.
	Hey, Kevin and Ryan, I have a feeling you're going to stop listening to viewer-suggested music pretty soon, because it's...
	How about Lick the Bag by the Viagra Boys?
	No, thank you.
	Hey, Kevin and Ryan, something that should be so obvious to people who believe in the mystery that settlers intentionally infecting natives never consider is germ theory.
	Germ theory was not discovered until the 1850s and not widely understood until the 1890s.
	This does not line up with when settlers are accused of having such a vast understanding of biology that they knew more about disease than the top scientists of the time.
	Like you more than a friend, Hannah.
	Great point, Hannah.
	That song ain't bad, though.
	Isn't it funny how, speaking of Fatassi's factory settings, how long it takes to unravel the bullshit they put in your head?
	Like Canadian education with the Indians is brutal.
	Brutal.
	The guilt is just, we were horrible.
	And we weren't even, we didn't really fight them very much.
	That's true.
	That was the American thing.
	We just showed up with British people.
	There wasn't that many of us.
	The subs.
	Check out this Karen PSA on my gas can.
	Gasoline and fire never mix.
	There is no safe way to start a fire with gasoline.
	Make sure your children know.
	Talk to your kids about gas and fire.
	Share a video of a burn survivor or burn survivor Austin Bailiff at Stop Gas Fires.
	Who is this bitch?
	Oh, he was just 14.
	It still hurts to think how everything changed in an instant, but I am so grateful he survived.
	Tammy Bailiff.
	Thank you for the wake-up call.
	Again, this is how I feel about like trucks backing.
	Nice job, Ryan.
	This is how I feel about trucks backing up.
	How many kids are hurt with gas and fire?
	Do we really need to waste all our time?
	The ladder we use at the green screen.
	I'll show it to you.
	this Austin Bailiff Look at this shit.
	You see this?
	Hey, this isn't a step.
	Don't step here.
	Oh, danger, danger, danger.
	Oh, this is danger.
	Do not stand above this level.
	Oh, here's a big, huge, long essay on how dangerous this tiny ladder is.
	Oh, and just in case you missed it, there's a diagram here on this side.
	Danger, danger.
	Oh, danger.
	Don't stand here.
	Danger, danger.
	Fuck off.
	Could you hear that okay?
	Is it because people get sued?
	Or are there just too many women involved in manufacturing?
	Gavin, on Monday's show, you said that Washington State might be going red due to lockdown protests in Spokane.
	I live in Walla Walla on the east side, and we had a little protest recently, too.
	So I hope you're right, but I'm not so optimistic.
	Washington does all mail-in ballots, and it's been highly suspect before.
	Oh, shit, I didn't know that.
	What?
	If you do mail-ins, you're Democratic because they play dirty pool.
	It's crazy.
	Have you ever heard much about the 2004 Gober national election here?
	Even just look at the Wikipedia page, especially the section on discovered ballots.
	Literally unbelievable coincidences and fishy rule bending.
	The King County Seattle Council chairman just happened to discover that his own ballot was among those that weren't counted.
	And they found some hidden boxes of votes.
	And there's this.
	Washington State allows for election officials to evaluate voter intent and correct ballots so that the machines can properly read them.
	For example, on a Scantron or other optical ballot, an election official might fill in a circle that was not properly marked so that the machine may record the vote.
	Unless it's a landslide, I doubt GOP can win here anytime soon.
	If we allow mail-in voting swing states, we'll use Hillary's as far as the eye can see.
	And even without it, there's probably going to be lots of fraud in 2020.
	So we can't be complacent thinking a senile puppet can't win.
	I feel very confident that the senile puppet can't win.
	I know people that, and by the way, I'll double confirm that Washington thing because it might have been an area of Tacoma.
	Gavin, how do you feel about your kids getting tattoos in the future?
	My daughter cannot have more than this total surface area.
	My sons, I don't care, but they're not getting their necks or anything below the sweater.
	But I don't think they'll want to get tattoos.
	They've been looking at my stupid tattoos my whole life.
	My brother doesn't have any tattoos.
	You're like a walking PSA.
	I heard Keith Richards kids say that.
	They go, we never really drank.
	Because when we think of booze, we think of our dad asleep on the couch at 2 p.m.
	And it was like a long-standing gross.
	I'm trying to bid on a new place.
	And the owners came up a bit.
	Didn't like my first offer, obviously.
	And I'm like, should we come up a bit?
	And then my wife sends me a thing that says, an article that says people who make, I was just telling Michelle this, people who make quick decisions tend to have happier lives.
	And I go, I'm the king of quick decisions.
	She goes, yeah, I've seen your tattoos.
	That was pretty much.
	My wife roasts me.
	And then my daughter, I told you what she said, right?
	No.
	This roasting.
	I go, these glasses are the original Wayfares that Buddy Holly had, and they're a little bit thicker.
	But I think they're, I like them.
	I think, I like wearing the authentic thing.
	Chuck Taylor's, Fred Perry, Levi's.
	I like wearing the thing from the 50s.
	What do you think of them?
	And she goes, whatever, Daria.
	Oh, wow.
	And then her friend was there, and her friend goes, spreading coronavirus all over the fucking backyard.
	Corona laugh on you?
	How mean is that?
	And those are round.
	That's inaccurate.
	Yeah, exactly.
	I'm going to send that to her.
	I'm going to text her that.
	I looked up Daria and the glasses are round, so it doesn't even make any sense.
	And then she'll have whatever and something way meaner.
	It just wouldn't be.
	Yeah, it just took you three days.
	Nice snappy comeback.
	Okay, let's end with this.
	So start with this has 10 million views.
	No, no, start with this.
	I never heard of this guy before, DJ Keemstar.
	But I think this guy might be a bigger douche than Jim Carrey.
	Churches.
	Let's get pumpkins and smash them on churches.
	Let's get pumpkins and smash them on churches.
	Okay.
	Yep, I did that when I was 10.
	Look at the way they dress.
	Is that all Walmart clothes?
	It's like 90s streetwear.
	Look at those big baggy jeans.
	Look at this move.
	Are they making fun of someone who thinks they're being a bad boy?
	You know what I mean?
	Because I remember, just pause.
	When I was in eighth grade, I walked into my class and I was doing that as a joke.
	Like, this class is stupid.
	And I flicked a paper like this.
	Like, this is dumb.
	And then I flicked the chalk and I was being a guy.
	I wasn't really thinking the chalk is dumb.
	I was just being funny.
	Like, I hate this stupid page.
	The teacher had a fucking meltdown.
	He goes, Get the fucking all now.
	I was like, Whoa, whoa, I'm doing a guy.
	He completely snapped like a twig.
	When they believed the camera killed me.
	Yeah, it was like the straw that broke the camel's back, and he went up.
	I've only seen a teacher freak out like that one other time, and it was Monsieur Canard.
	We have French teachers a lot in Canada, and that sounds like Canard, which is a duck.
	So we pretended we didn't understand his name for like months.
	And French people are spoiled.
	They're an aggrieved minority group that gets whatever they want.
	French signs in Vancouver, 3,000 miles away, no problem.
	So they're not used to conflict or being made fun of.
	They can't take it.
	They're literally spoiled brats.
	So when you fuck with them, they have a conniption.
	And they suck at sports, too.
	Whenever an English school plays a French school, we would always win because they just, they couldn't handle the confrontation.
	Soccer, baseball, anything, we always crushed them.
	Fucking pussies.
	What are you doing, you retard?
	Steven Crowder's quebequoy guy is perfect.
	But we go, Mr. Kennard, quiz queu en va faire.
	And he goes, canard.
	And then one time he just, someone says, Monsieur Cunnard, we did it for weeks.
	And he goes, my name, yes.
	Like, I can't do it.
	I'll be hoarse.
	Canard.
	And he takes the chalk.
	You'll be cheval.
	He writes canard on the chalkboard so hard that the chalk keeps breaking.
	So he keeps having to get new pieces for every letter as he writes canard.
	And we're all like, okay, okay.
	I thought it was canard.
	Holy shit, we were so mean.
	The pettiness of this is so great.
	Oh, that should be the game.
	Like, how, let's see if we can make the supply teacher crack.
	That's why I was put in the retard class because no one wanted me around.
	Isn't it funny how good your character worked, though?
	Like, your folk school.
	Yeah, but it wasn't, the guy wasn't made to make you mad.
	The guy was a parody of a big child.
	Mr. Cotter, like Mr. Cotter kid.
	That looks like what they're doing here.
	This other teacher, Mr. Amlin, I made him quit teaching.
	I had a teacher quit.
	Nice.
	Miss Detroit, yeah.
	And Miss Aaron remarked me like three years later, she saw my mom.
	She was like, I still don't forget Ryan.
	Like she made me question being a teacher or something like that.
	I made two teachers cry, I think, in total.
	Oh, nice.
	Miss Detroit and Miss Aaron.
	What's your technique?
	What's your text?
	There's no rhyme or reason.
	There's just whatever's the most fun thing to do.
	I'll just do that thing.
	But it's not supposed to be destructive.
	It's just, you know.
	I would just hold up the class.
	Like, okay, Mr. Hamlin was like, okay, we are going...
	They think they're black or something.
	We're going to do a class project.
	We're going to make a class for 2020.
	And this class is going to be what it's going to be like in the future.
	So let's take suggestions.
	We could make it very futuristic and fancy, or it could be like a dystopia where the desks are on the side.
	And Mr. Hamlin, I think that it's not a given that adults will be teachers in the future.
	So I'll be the teacher in this class.
	And then you can just be one of the students.
	Maybe you have a detention or something like that.
	And he's like, fuck, this kid is driving me crazy.
	I remember his report card said, Gavin bubbles with energy in the classroom, but it can be distracting to my class.
	And then at the end of the year, we had like a big bowl of Mars bars or something, Henry bars.
	And he goes, Gavin, can I talk to you for a second?
	And I go, okay.
	And so we go, and I just had zero respect for him.
	Like, you can, you know how Alpha can smell fear in a beta?
	I could just smell that he was weak.
	He's trying to couch out to you?
	Yeah.
	And so he comes out and he has a Mars bar.
	And he goes, Gavin, we have had our ups and downs this year.
	And I know sometimes you've been mad at me, I've been mad at you, but I think at the end of the year, we can both agree that we learned some things from each other.
	And I want to say that we should remember this year as friends.
	And he hands me the Mars bar, and I go, there's a whole fucking bowl of them inside.
	Oh, no.
	And left him standing there with a Mars bar in his hand.
	Oh, that's so bad.
	That makes me, like, really sad.
	Oh, it was fun.
	He has this token of candy.
	He was a pussy.
	He had to be destroyed.
	I remember I tried, I faked the teacher out, like, everything that I would say would be just be distraction or vulgar.
	And then one time I raised my hand, she was talking about like PM and AM.
	And I was like, a good way to remember PM is later is it comes later in the alphabet.
	She was like, that's right.
	She was like so surprised it had anything to do with what she was talking about.
	I remember one time, I told this story before, Mr. Brown, this is before I was sent to the retard class.
	He said, okay, we have a thing on its dress code, but it's really from the 70s when girls were wearing short shorts and crop tops.
	And this is the 80s and you guys are dressed pretty normal.
	So I don't even know why I have to read this, but I have to.
	So he starts going through it and I was like, Mr. Brown?
	Mr. Brown?
	Yeah, I've been through this myself and I read over this document this morning.
	And it looks like the safest way to avoid all of these traps is for everyone to come nude.
	So I think we should all come nude tomorrow.
	And then he said, do you want to start the trend, Mr. McInnes?
	And then I said, ladies first.
	Genius.
	All my detentions are always for zingers.
	I was enriching the class life and you rocked me in a room with retards and with a rapist.
	That teacher, Mr. Gunn, for the retard class, ended up grabbing Donna DeLiva's tits.
	Wow.
	And he was fired.
	Holy crap.
	Sorry, I was so funny.
	It's like being banned from Twitter for jokes or the judge saying my speech incited violence.
	It's all fun stuff, guys.
	I'm just trying to share the joy.
	Yeah, they'd have to.
	You'd lock me in with retards and a giant rapist.
	It's so fun.
	I have, my mom saved some of the write-ups I would get.
	And I read some of it.
	I don't even remember some of my hits.
	Like, I would get kids coming up to me and be like, dude, remember when you did that and you broke the sink?
	And then I was like, I do remember that.
	But that's not the one.
	That's not the one that I remembered before.
	That wasn't one of my hits.
	I remember one time we snuck into the equipment room at lunch and it was like the equipment room for the gym.
	So it was like, I don't know, hockey sticks and shit where they store it all.
	And I look around and Steve, the same guy who threw the cinder block through the windshield.
	Yeah, yeah, Steve.
	I turn around.
	He's just taking a huge dump.
	And not telling everybody, hey, look.
	No, he just lay a big turd.
	The janitor, I'm not saying all of our hijinks were cool.
	Some of them were just by regret.
	And that, like, that poor janitor had to be like, Jesus, fucking Christian.
	We used to have this thing at the Earl of March High School in Canada called Pooh Downs.
	And we would just say, calling a poo down.
	And you'd have to go and try to poo.
	Wow.
	And sometimes, you know, you'd get a raisin out.
	Pete McCarthy would sort of stand like that with his feet on the lid.
	And obviously, I don't know why we did this game because obviously the guy who's calling the poo down has to go poo and he's going to win.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So one time we go there and Paul McCarthy goes, guys, you're not going to fucking believe this.
	And we go, calm down.
	Opens up the stall.
	There's a turd that is bigger than this.
	Wow.
	It's just a bit bigger than this.
	Holy shit.
	And we go, it's literally.
	And Paul's like, it's unflushable.
	So he starts flushing it and it just, it makes a bridge every time.
	Wow.
	So then at the peak of their freakout, I go, Excalibur.
	I pick up this shit.
	And they're all going, oh my God.
	It breaks apart in my hands.
	So then I made a flyer and it said at the top, hey, poo fans.
	And then it had a big drawing of a bull with a giant turd in it.
	And it said, we found this bull, this 13-inch turd in the upstairs bathroom yesterday at 1 p.m.
	Who did it?
	Are you responsible?
	We want to shake your hand.
	You have a gift.
	Please meet us tomorrow at 1 p.m. in the same stall it happened.
	I think we said to claim your prize.
	So the flyer had hey poo fans with a huge drawing of a turd and then the text here.
	And you couldn't photocopy in the school.
	The teachers did that.
	So I would bring it to teachers and go, hey, can you make 10 copies of this, please?
	Or 20 copies of this?
	And they're like, yes, whatever.
	And the teachers were so bad and so uninterested in our lives and so lazy and shitty that we made about 100 copies using four teachers.
	They were just like, and they're like, here's your stack.
	Thanks.
	Guess you don't know how to read or look at poo.
	One time we would sneak into the gym at lunch and the teachers are all like eating their lunch, smoking, they don't care.
	And we would lock the doors and then we pull out the mats, like the gymnastic mats, and then like do a backflip off the basketball net onto these giant mats.
	And then as we're doing this, there's the school stereo, cheap candle stereo.
	That's the manufacturer.
	And Clinton Bedecki was a little fucked in the heady.
	And he's like, hey, guys, check it out.
	He picks up the entire stereo and it was on the stage and just goes, and we're all sitting there going, that's so great.
	And it just goes, shatters into a million pieces.
	Holy shit.
	And just run out of there.
	The running is the best part.
	What a psycho.
	One time it was me and two other friends.
	We were like, just, we wanted to run the track in our underwear, you know, during gym.
	And we pushed the door open.
	So we're out there running.
	And it's like freezing cold.
	There's snow on the ground.
	And Miss Ferran, Coach Feran, she's like one of the lesbian ladies, we could hear her opening the door.
	Dude, dude, she's coming.
	And she opens the door and then I just lay flat on the track like this, like on the snow.
	And I'm naked.
	I think you're going to be invisible.
	It's so cold.
	I was.
	She didn't see me.
	She looked really.
	I saw her look outside like this, like, then went back in.
	And were you new to wearing underwear?
	Underwear.
	It would have been great if I was new, but I mean.
	Did I ever tell you about the time, speaking of things flying through the air?
	So my mom has a hell of a temper, so all Scottish people do.
	And I go, my college was about half an hour from the house.
	And so I go, I'm by the rec room in this place.
	And it's, you know, colleges are kind of hard to navigate, especially when you're looking to park and stuff.
	So I told her where I was.
	And then half an hour later, I don't see her there.
	And I'm like, oh, shit, she's going to have a meltdown.
	And I don't live at home anymore.
	I was just, she was going to pick me up and I would go hang out there, say hi to my brother or whatever.
	And I'm like, oh, God, she's really going to freak out.
	It's been, it's been 40 minutes, which means she's been walking around for 10 minutes.
	She's going to blow her top.
	And so I'm getting nervous because I don't want to deal with this crazy woman.
	And I'm running over here, running over there, trying to see if I can find her.
	And there was this weird area at Carleton University that was just like a badly designed area.
	It was like near the pavilion, what was it called?
	Portland Hall, something like that.
	And then near, so it was just a long, long cement hallway that was about 20 feet wide that served no purpose, wasn't a thoroughfare.
	But students loved it because they filled it with tables and it was total and utter silence.
	It was more silent than the library.
	And it was cool and you could really concentrate, I guess.
	So I finally see her and she's about 50, 100 feet away at the other end of it, right?
	It's really long.
	And she goes, I see her and I go, okay, here we go.
	And across, mostly Asians, by the way, studying.
	And across like basically China's population of Asians, she goes, where the fuck have you been?
	And I just thought, I don't need this hassle in my life.
	You wanted me to come home and visit.
	And I said, okay.
	And I just went, you know what?
	Fuck you.
	Which, oh my God.
	So she goes, fuck me.
	No, fuck you.
	She grabs one of these steel chairs that are from like the 80s and whips it.
	I love Shin Flying.
	It's great.
	Over the entire thing, it couldn't have been launched better from a cannon.
	It just went, and again, it was just like Clinton Bedecki's stereotype.
	It was just like, shoom, shoom.
	And all the Chinese kids are just going, oh, shoot.
	As this soars through the air, and it just goes, I just leave the room as it's in midair.
	And as the door closed behind me, I hear it go, it was like a really steel chair, like, you know, modern, what are they called?
	It's got that Dutch modern or whatever, like themes kind of a thing.
	And it just, and it's all steel and plastic.
	And I just heard like, bang, bing, bang, bounce.
	Bing, bang, as it bounced around and echoed in the cement room.
	Holy shit.
	I would have watched it, but it's cooler to walk away, I suppose.
	Or another time, I was a chatty guy, and I was happy to be out of the retard class.
	So at 3.20, when the bell rang, I would sit and chat and talk to people.
	And maybe by the time I left the school, it would be like me and the janitor.
	And then I would get on the bus.
	So I'm doing my chatting and my socializing and talking to every single person in the entire school.
	And then I'm on the bus.
	It was far away, the Earl of March.
	I didn't live there.
	I lived in Broadwaywood.
	But I'm on the public transit bus going back home.
	And I hear these people, these other kids in the bus, and they go, holy shit, did you hear about that Scottish couple that was at the office?
	And they go, yeah, what the fuck?
	Oh, no.
	Yeah, they were screaming at the principal and swearing and stuff.
	And I think one of them, the dad punched a hole in the wall.
	They were like crazy Scottish lunatics screaming.
	And then I went, oh, fuck.
	Oh, no.
	We were going away on a vacation and my dad got off work early to beat the traffic.
	And I was supposed to go straight home.
	Oh, my God.
	And I'm an hour late.
	So he didn't have to take work off early.
	And we're now going to hit traffic.
	I totally skipped my mind.
	Oh, my God.
	So I get to the driveway, and my mother's like this in the car.
	And my dad is sitting with his hands on the wheel in the parked car, and he's sort of bobbing.
	And I found out later, like a year later, because this was a touchy subject for a long time.
	I found out like a year later that he had said, if he lies, I'm going to fucking murder him.
	If the first thing that comes out of his mouth is a lie, he's fucking dead.
	Holy shit.
	And so guess what came out of my mouth?
	So I run up and I see them and I go, guys, you are not going to believe this.
	But there was a bus and he goes, right.
	That's it.
	And he gets out of the car and he picks me up by my neck.
	Oh, wow.
	And my legs are like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	And he's like, you fucking don't you dare.
	And I'm like, well, and then he walks me up the like walkway to the front door.
	Holy shit.
	And then slams me so hard against the door that it rips the siding off with the deadbolt.
	The door comes flying open and then he falls on top of me with the impact.
	So I have this purple, crazy Scotsman who looks exactly like Groundskeeper Willie going, Willie, but fuck it.
	Scream with spit going in my face.
	Holy trauma.
	Oh, and by the way, I have like, I couldn't look more annoying.
	I have like a purple mohawk with a snakeskin shirt that has like safety pins with little chains on them and stuff.
	We're rooting for the person you want to marry.
	No matter what the context, we're rooting for that guy.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like if I saw that happening now, I'd go, good, fucking give a kick for me.
	That's clearly the bad guy.
	Just your energy just said, guys, you are.
	That's it.
	Just door open fucking.
	One time, he's really big on instructions.
	You have to follow the instructions page by page.
	I'm not an instructions guy.
	I can just kind of figure stuff out.
	So we lived in a pretty nice middle class home, but I was punk, so I wanted to live in a fucking dangerous place, right?
	So I moved into the basement because it wasn't finished.
	And my dad said, no, you're not living down here.
	It's just cement.
	I was like, but dad, I'm kind of a rebel, dotty.
	I live, I squat like a punk.
	What?
	You live in the fucking suburbs.
	You're just on a different floor from me now.
	You're still using our kitchen.
	And so they bought me a water bed for some weird reason.
	The way Scottish people are is they're cheap, but if it's important, they'll buy it for you.
	So like, people sleep.
	So like, I couldn't have Star Wars toys or anything fun, but people sleep, so we'll get you the highest quality bed, which is currently a water bed.
	So, okay, fine.
	So it arrives when he's not there, and I just take it out of the car, and I start building it in the basement where I was forbidden to build it.
	And I don't use the instructions unless it looks like something and I'm missing, I got some extra pieces, and I have sharp steel where the bag is going to go.
	So it's going to, so I fucked it up, right?
	But I'll just put duct tape on that part.
	And as I'm building this from intuition, he comes down the stairs, and it's like wood steps that echo.
	So it sounds like a machine gun with his, you know, dress shoes.
	And he's just, his eyeballs are like this.
	His face is red and he's holding the fucking instructions.
	And again, I think probably best to lie right now.
	So I go, same exact lying face.
	You're not going to believe this.
	It didn't even come with instructions.
	Before I realize that that's exactly what's in his hand, and he just goes, and he comes to the side of me.
	I'm like, what the fuck is he going to do?
	Rape me?
	And he grabs my shirt here and my belt and throws me about, I'm not going to exaggerate, about 30 feet.
	Wow.
	Because I can remember being in the air.
	For so long.
	Well, like, a bird goes by.
	Yeah.
	I look at a magazine.
	Oh, they did have instructions.
	And then I like fall and go sliding on the cement floor.
	Wow.
	Boy, would he get mad.
	I'm a fraction of that temper, but I still yell and punch things.
	And my wife is in Midwestern Indian who's like, oh, hello, what is going on?
	So she, it's a strange parenting.
	He really moved on from the air choke.
	Like, where I'm not going to make physical contact with you?
	No, he's just throwing.
	No, the air choke was.
	Oh, yeah, you're right.
	He kind of upgraded.
	Those were all previous to the air choke.
	Yeah.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, the air choke, I was like 19.
	But at that time, you had moved out.
	Being late from school, that was like I was probably 14.
	If you had moved out, then you're kind of less able to physically touch because you're out of the house.
	Well, also, you don't care.
	Like, oh, you know what is interesting?
	With the tattoo thing, just before he did the strangling thing, I said, let's fucking go.
	Oh, wow.
	I'm sick of this.
	You want to fucking fight?
	I'll fight you, old man.
	I was ready to finally take him.
	That's a weird moment.
	And I guess he wasn't scared of me, obviously, but then he realized this isn't going to be me in control.
	This is going to be both of us bloody.
	And that's going to take like two years to recover from.
	I just remember one short thing about getting disciplined by my stepdad.
	And it was because I was sitting on the couch or watching cartoons or whatever, Red and Stimpy.
	Which of the 13 stepdads are we talking about?
	There's only two.
	Okay.
	Both named Mark.
	And I'm sitting there, and my stepdad's right next to me.
	We're kind of bonding or whatever.
	And my mom's walking by, and he's like, hey, I don't want Willie coming over again.
	You know, blah, blah, blah.
	Because Willie's like just this long-haired, just scraggly punk rock guy.
	And I'm like, yeah, especially if he's stoned.
	And he just goes and just like whaps me right in the face.
	Because they share me with my great-grandparents.
	And if I...
	So if they heard me saying stoned, that would be it.
	They'd like raid the apartment and he wouldn't be able to live there anymore.
	That's the last thing you want to do.
	Oh, he was, that you got whacked because you were implying that you might rat him out for smoking weed.
	Yeah, if I say stoned or something like that, and that gets out, that's cops, that's child protective services.
	Yeah, I don't like the idea, like, your father doesn't love you, but if I, if I'm divorced and my wife remarries or has a boyfriend and he starts hitting my fucking sons, he's getting a fiery hot poker through his eye.
	Yeah.
	That must be fucking weird.
	I saw a fight between my grandfather and my stepdad once.
	That same one?
	That was weird, yeah.
	Was he stoned?
	No, but he was painting.
	He worked for Planet Universal Studios, whatever, so he would paint.
	He's a really good painter and artist in the punk band.
	Remember, I was talking about him?
	So he painted a huge mural with angels and clouds and everything like that.
	And my grandfather, grandmother came to visit my mom, and they saw that and they pay for it.
	And I don't, that was like the straw on the camel's back thing.
	I mean, they've heard a lot of bad stories about it.
	Wait, what's the matter with painting a mural?
	That's what I thought.
	I mean, because I don't know.
	You could just paint over it.
	But I think there was a bunch of other stuff.
	He said something about it.
	These stories are too weird and they're too complicated and they're missing too many details.
	Let's finish this video and get out of here.
	Which video?
	Those guys that we can't tell if they're doing a character or not.
	Oh, yeah, Keemstar.
	The one that led us down a nine-hour story.
	The one that led us to the next one is the one that led us to the next one.
	Maybe they're really stoned and they don't, and they think things are funny.
	It does look good.
	Snooky would approve.
	Like, you understand, we've seen Jackass before, right?
	Where Johnny Knoxville goes into a store and fights Butterbean and is knocked unconscious.
	You understand that that's what we're used to.
	You're going to throw some cheese at him?
	It's got to be that character you're talking about.
	You're just making fun of a rebel.
	Look, I moved a thing.
	Turn it up.
	I'm going to say you can speak.
	Snap into a Slim Jim.
	Why does this exist?
	I punched a Slim Jim box, but it didn't even fall?
	I don't understand this type of humor.
	It's like a really low-rent badass.
	Badass?
	Yeah, low-rent, like badass.
	It's supposed to be making fun of that cool guy thing, I think.
	But look how much they laugh.
	Yeah, that one he actually did something.
	But it's just lame.
	I'm so lost.
	Is he genuinely laughing there?
	We got a pick that.
	It's kind of like in the Paul Rudd movies.
	You guys better smash some pickles or something soon.
	Brian, shut up.
	It's the emo.
	It hates mommy and daddy and hates the world.
	And it could kill itself at any time.
	It affects dangerous on bridges and high elevations Did you f ⁇ ?
	What?
	I love hamburger helper.
	This is like the least funny people I've ever come across in my entire life.
	Dude, I already got that.
	The voice of a god.
	Are you doing the MySpace mirror pose?
	What damn this?
	We'll put it back.
	What an epic meal time it?
	Bacon strips and bacon strips.
	He's holding pickles.
	Now you got more?
	Blue 427.
	Party follow.
	And let me ask you questions.
	What's your stuff in the bottom of my basket?
	Well, that's just really interesting.
	After telling all those awesome stories, those guys dropped a sausage.
	You're showing your email, dummy.
	Oops.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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