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May 13, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:41:36
S02E163 - HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS [2020-05-13 - S02E163 - HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS]
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Time Text
Take me home tonight.
Oh, down beside that red firelight.
Live from New York.
Get off my lawn with Kevin McKinnon.
To make the rockin'world go round.
Hey!
I was just a skin lad.
Sorry to get you all pumped with that gem and then take it away from you.
That was mean.
I'm a mean guy.
Well, I made that very clear here.
Ain't no nice guy.
Lot going on today, folks.
We got a lot to show you.
I want to dive deep on these pickup artists I've become obsessed with.
But before we get to that excruciatingly long video, let's just catch up on the news.
I'm a little late today.
Ryan had to take the train and I didn't drive him because I took my motorcycle because a friend of mine died.
I didn't know him very well, but he was a guy at my gym.
I thought he was like 26, but he apparently has a 13-year-old son.
And he lost control on his motorbike, motorcycle, smashed into a parked car.
I think if you're on a motorcycle and you kind of lose control and do a rev, you can really get going.
I mean, you can sort of cannonball yourself, shoot yourself forward at 50 miles an hour overnight.
And then you hit the truck.
You hit a parked truck and just lights out instantly.
Crushed.
Brain bleed.
He's got a...
I sent you the article about it.
I didn't know his name was Jesus.
I know him as Alex Guatires.
But his real name is Jesus Alessandro Guatierez, I guess.
Oh, they don't have his name there.
Cutierz, probably, right?
Yeah.
I've never been to a Mexican funeral before, and I've never been to a pandemic funeral before.
So we all just talked on the lawn, and it was his different sort of groups.
There was his Mexican family.
Look, they already raised the 15 grand.
Nice.
There was the Mexican family, and then there was the people boxing, his boxing world, and then, you know, his, I guess, workplace.
He owned a Mexican restaurant in New Rochelle.
Fucking the dead with a 13-year-old kid.
Pretty.
But so it was weird.
I recorded, but I felt kind of bad on my motorcycle because he died on a motorcycle.
Is that like that Bill Hicks has a bit about when Jesus comes back and he sees a cross around people's necks, he's going to be traumatized.
But it's weird being at a funeral where a guy named Jesus died because it says RIP Jesus all over the cars.
You want to play that?
One of the crows had a sombrero.
It's weird too because some of the, like the boxing people, my coach was just wearing an undershirt with paint on it because he's painting his house.
But some of the Mexican women were wearing stilettos.
And you feel blasphemous being attracted to someone at a funeral.
So you have to sort of look away.
I wish they'd wear burkas.
I don't want to think about such things.
But yeah.
So what we did was we can't have a funeral or awake.
So we just made a convoy of cars.
They had balloons and stuff.
And we just drove down Main Street.
But it was a procession of maybe 50 cars.
So when we got to a traffic light, the snake got separated.
And then I made sure I was last because there was me and this other guy from the gym who was on his bicycle.
We didn't want to, I mean, I probably knew him the least out of everyone there.
So I made sure I was at the back, but sorry, I lost you.
You become irrevocably separated unless someone pulls over.
And I didn't get the route.
And even if I did have the route, there were so many traffic lights ahead of me that it was pointless.
So then I'm like, well, I'm just going to go to Manhattan and go to work.
And then there's these Mexican girls behind me.
And I'm thinking, wait a minute, are they following me?
Because when I veer off and go on the highway, they might end up following me to the studio.
How old was he?
God, he must have had that 13-year-old young.
Unbelievable guy.
Awesome dude.
So friendly.
Great boxer.
Really fast.
He always was there early.
I think he'd start his day there.
And he'd do weird shit too.
Like some guy at the gym, he just brought him a birthday present.
Or the coach, he bought him sneakers for Christmas.
Coach is like, oh, thanks.
No one's ever done this before.
Anyway, so that's a sad day, but that's enough of that.
You move on.
Front page of the Mets.
I mean, front page of the Post has the Mets.
I feel like the Post slightly prefers the Mets to the Yankees.
It's something I feel.
I apologize, by the way, about my nipples.
They're very hard today.
Criminals, recidivist criminals let out on the streets.
Proudboys, of course, can't leave, but these guys are just getting released and arrested and released and arrested.
But more importantly, look how hot Dakota Johnson is in the new issue of Mary Claire.
It kind of makes me think, kind of got me thinking a lot about tights.
Women in tights, the texture when you feel their thighs.
Their depression is beautiful.
Oh, yeah, it is beautiful.
You're a smoke show.
I love tights, especially, obviously brown nylons are a write-off.
We will accept them under no circumstances at all.
Your body's in a plastic bag.
It's disgusting.
But like orange tights or in the winter where they're sort of blue and woolly?
Blue and woolly.
When is this just me talking about fun stuff and hot chicks?
And when is it a disgusting pervert lurking?
When does it go to pick up artist territory?
Yeah, pickup artists.
All right.
So the reason I played that song, Fat Bottom Girls, I thought Freddie Mercury wrote that song and I thought it was funny to hear a gay talk about how hot big fat chicks are.
By the way, if I say that you have a nice butt, You should be insulted because I cannot lie, I like big butts.
So, if I say you have a nice butt, I mean you have a big butt.
So, you should be pissed off if a pig likes me, likes your ass.
But this was written by Brian May.
It's a great jam, and I feel passionate about it.
But the reason we played it is because we have some bad news.
Brian May hurt his butt, and the pain is relentless.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but he tore his buttocks while gardening.
The man who loves fat bottom girls has an incredibly fragile butt.
And here he says, reality check for me.
No, the virus didn't get me yet.
Thank God.
Hope you're all keeping extra safe out there.
As well as getting overstretched and harassed by too many demands.
Oh, my.
I managed to rip my gluteus maximus to shreds.
What?
In a moment of overenthusiastic gardening.
I don't understand.
How do you rip your ass to shreds?
Isn't that a gay sex thing?
The butt cheeks?
You don't really use your butt cheeks when you're gardening, do you?
So suddenly I find myself in a hospital getting scanned to find out exactly how much I've actually damaged myself.
Turns out I did a thorough job.
This is a couple of days ago, and I won't be able to walk for a while or sleep without a lot of assistance because the pain is relentless.
I don't like the butt cheek.
Who knew that a butt cheek fan, and I think Brian May and I are in the exact same boat as far as our taste for butts, but who knew that the butt cheek guy had such delicate buttocks?
He shredded them.
They're a mere shadow of their former self.
I mean, I'm tensing my buttocks right now.
It doesn't feel like a familiar muscle.
You go like this and you're like, oh yeah, I used that when I was playing frisbee with the kids.
But this one, when did you lose your butt?
When do you use your butt?
Maybe he heard it on his bicycle, bicycle.
Queen joke.
That was the shittiest, stupidest fucking joke I've ever heard.
And he already admitted he did it at gardening.
Yeah, that's why I said I thought.
Holy fuck, you make me mad.
Also in the news, do you remember Amy Siskind?
She's one of the worst people alive.
I think I might have this.
Remember where she attacked that loser, David Pachman?
So a long time ago, she said, if you're white or you're male, do not run for office.
Step aside.
It's a woman's turn.
And then David Pachman noticed, well, that's kind of shitty.
That's kind of racist and sexist, isn't it?
So then she called his school and demanded he be fired.
Right?
Yeah.
But I found a text or a post where she said, I'm calling.
I just called your school.
I'm going to get you fired.
So let me see what you put up there.
Yeah.
So then he brought it up later and she said, how dare you?
That's a lie.
I would never do such a thing.
And so I don't have it here.
Oh, here we go.
Okay.
Yesterday on the program, I called out Amy Siskind, a self-described feminist activist, because she tweeted a couple days ago that we should not vote for, that she will not vote for any white or male candidates.
Anyway, it's just retelling a story.
We don't need to find the exact tweet.
But she had a Facebook post where she said, I'm going to get you fired.
He brought it up like a year later.
And then she said, how dare you?
I'm going to sue you for saying such lies.
I would never do such a thing.
And he's like, here's the Facebook post where you said you're going to do exactly that.
I put it on my Telegram.
Now it's bugging me.
Anyway, so this is her latest stroke of genius.
And by the way, she's on my radar because she said, I've just found out Gavin McInnes lives in our community.
We should have a vigil at the temple or near my house or something to protest hate.
And this was like days after the synagogue shooting.
So I brought my family to her home and stood at the back as my wife said, we need to talk, Amy.
And she had my youngest son in her arms at the time, and Amy called the police.
What was I doing that was illegal?
Anyway, check out this tweet she just put up.
Rand Paul just tried to play a doctor on TV and Dr. Fauci is schooling him and exposing him as the fool he is.
She doesn't know that Rand Paul is an ophthalmologist.
And by the way, he had COVID.
Ophthalmologists, that's the guys who operate on eyeballs.
I mean, outside of neurosurgeon, I think that's the hardest shit you can do.
But he got COVID and then thought, Jesus, this is rough.
These people need help.
So he went back.
He's a practicing physician.
He went back to work, put on his scrubs and said, I'll help out for a while.
They don't need me at the House, the House of Representatives.
And Dr. Fauci, by the way, hasn't practiced medicine in about 30 years.
And I don't like him anymore.
Tucker brought this up.
He said, the thing about these doctors is they give these models, and I'm sorry to talk about Corona, but I'll drop it soon.
But the models are just based on academic and science.
And they say, oh, the virus could do this and it would kill this many people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your model doesn't include suicide, unemployment, poverty, businesses being irrevocably destroyed, you know, alcoholism, divorce, all kinds of other factors that might not obviously kill us in a medical way.
So I'm done.
My kids were playing the other day, but they had to be monitored.
They were playing baseball and they had to be six feet apart, but at least my son was able to see his friends for once.
That's the worst part right now is I just want my fucking kids to be able to play.
Here's a story I've been meaning to get to for a while.
Dave Rubin stole his book of ideas, Don't Burn This Book, is completely uncontroversial.
If you're going to make a book, it should have some controversy in it, like Women maybe aren't designed to be scientists for the most part.
Or blacks commit crime more than whites because welfare took away their fathers and they don't have discipline at home.
Those are controversial things to say.
We should abolish school and kids can homeschool from 9 to 12 and then play all day.
Those are controversial opinions I have.
95% of women would be happier at home, more fulfilled, and the society would be a better place.
Close the borders to manufacturing, build as much stuff here as we possibly can, all that kind of stuff.
His ideas are like, be kind to people.
We need to be slightly stricter about immigration and stop with illegal immigration.
We need an open dialogue.
Ooh, they've spooked me.
But anyway, he did an interview with Bridget Fatassi, who if I was single, I think she'd be at the top of my list.
She's intelligent and sexual.
She did a sex column for Playboy, and she's recently read Pilled, which is my favorite kind of chick.
But you can show the article anytime you'd like, Ryan.
I'm writing my book too.
So he's talking to Bridget Fatassi at her show.
I had her on my show too.
She's on this website if you look at the CRTV archives.
And she says, she was born with factory settings.
And you can scroll down.
And what she's talking about is like America's racist.
We was built on slavery, stolen from the Indians, all these sort of normie views we all have when we're 15, 16, 17.
Because the teacher's brainwashes.
And then in the interview, she goes, I joke that, and everyone's like, and I don't buy the shtick that you don't know anything.
But I really didn't know anything.
Unlike you, I didn't come from a poli-sci background.
I didn't have an ideology.
I call them fact in the book I'm writing.
It's called factory settings.
I was born into a democratic liberal home.
So I love that.
I never questioned anything.
And then I was high and drunk until I was 35 years old.
I love that you're calling it that.
I love that.
Factory settings.
Because it was.
Because that's so right.
And it's so interesting because I'm writing my book too.
And I'm not going to steal factory settings, obviously.
Please do not steal factory settings from your book.
And I'm not going to, but I have been writing about that concept at the default, blah, blah, blah.
And then he writes, he writes, he puts factory settings in his book.
Someone sent me this, Bridget Fitassi, discussing a book she's writing.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but I'm like.
Well, we just heard it.
You don't need to hear it again.
And then I think if you scroll...
Does he mention factory settings there?
I think I'm live on YouTube.
We have a little stream episode there.
But let me see if we have like a picture of the quote.
Yeah.
So then he says, like most Americans, spent the majority of his adult life subscribing to certain lefty political narrative, which is fed to all of us through the culture polygram and media machine, fed up with these quote unquote.
I think he thinks it's okay because he put factory settings in quotes.
All you had to do, dude, was say, fed up with what Bridget Fatasi wittily calls factory settings, which my friend Bridget Fatasi, a term my friend Bridget Fatasi coined.
That's all you got to do.
That's all you got to do.
Of course, was performing the song by Beefeater.
Remember them?
DC hardcore band?
They stayed at my house, my punk house, when they were on tour.
And the singer, Tomas, he slept in the middle of the kitchen on the floor with, he didn't want a bed.
We had a bed for him.
He slept in the kitchen floor with a small little Mexican blanket, a rock on one side of him, and a long stick on the other side of him.
No blanket.
That's how he slept.
What a fucking weirdo.
Should we get to that pickup artist video?
No.
Let's still do some more news.
Today in Black People, which is my new category for my notes, this fake racist graffiti, after racist graffiti shows up near Shelburne, that's like, I think, near Toronto, a community bands together to fight the bad words.
Imagine it said fuck on a rock and they talked about the community banding together.
So it said black niggers in Shelburne eating watermelon.
Of course, the news can't even show you this because it's so horrific.
So they cut out watermelon and they blur out that horrible word.
And you're looking at it going, yeah, I don't believe you.
That's not.
So this is a girl who discovered it, right?
I don't know why she had to call the police and have the community come together.
Just wash it off.
But she clearly spray painted it there herself, and she's calling herself a person of color.
No, not really.
But go up a bit.
My friend Robbie sent me this.
No, no, go up a bit.
That's down.
Anti-black racist graffiti spray painted across a large rock near Shelburne, Nova Scotia, sorry, has been removed thanks to people who took a stand after seeing it on Facebook.
How brave.
God, we're weak.
We're so scared of swear words.
Keep going down.
Oh my God, Ryan.
Just said down.
Yeah, you not to the bottom.
I want to read the next paragraph.
The graffiti, which used the N-word, blah, blah, blah.
Hartley 20, who is black, yeah, and lives in Shelburne, immediately posted the photo with the N-word covered up.
I just characterize it as hate.
And I, being a person of color, I've experienced so much hate.
Bullshit.
That I don't understand how one person could do it anymore.
See, you know what's funny?
That's a really clunky, weird sentence.
Like, you don't do hate.
And the graffiti is also clunky weird.
Black niggers, as opposed to what?
White niggas?
Eating watermelon?
What?
In Nova Scotia?
What?
She wrote that.
That's how she talks.
She talks funny.
So scared of bad words.
With that same logic, right?
You'd have to freak out if you saw the word cunt.
The community would have to band together.
I was in one of the bathroom stalls, and someone had drawn a penis and balls.
The balls had hairs on them, and the penis had pee coming out of it, and it said cock.
So I got the community together, and we painted, we banded together, and that penis is long gone.
Painted over.
You can't even see it through the paint.
All right.
Well, let's get serious for one second.
What is going on with ObamaGate?
It should be the biggest story in the world.
It is in here, but it takes a while to get there.
You have Richard Grenell, who was like the German ambassador for a while.
I know this dude.
He's a homo, a really cool, conservative homo.
But acting director of national intelligence, Richard Grinnell, has declassified the names of Obama administration officials who were allegedly behind the unmasking of formal national security advisor Michael Flynn.
Isn't this a big...
Watergate was him spying on people and recording their conversations.
Then, I am not a crook.
He was impeached.
The end of Nixon.
This is the exact same thing, is it not?
Go to that 1.5, the Zero Hedge article.
Obamagate Trump tweets Tucker Carlson's crushing breakdown why the former president should be panicking.
So go to round 215 in that clip.
He said, continue to seek everything ever been asked.
This exchange would define Barack Obama forever.
Obama would be known as the disgraced former president who used federal law enforcement to hurt his political enemies.
That's what he did.
Unfortunately, this is not a normal period.
Already today, Obama's order that Comey investigate Donald Trump has been relegated to a little-known footnote.
Joe Biden happened to be sitting in the room when this happened.
Has Biden ever been asked about that?
It's possible he never has been.
Most media outlets have ignored the origins of the Russia conspiracy hoax completely.
And as a result of that, Barack Obama's plan to derail his successor unfolded with very little opposition along the way, including from Republicans.
The entire country, therefore, spent the first three years of the Trump administration hyperventilating about Russian collusions.
That's enough.
Sometimes I get I agree with the Groupers and Michelle Malkin about Khan Inc., Conservative Inc.
Like they totally fucking dropped the ball on this story.
Just like the Proud Boys, there was no Daily Wire there.
They were scared they'd be called racist too.
So they just the Daily News, the New York Post didn't even go near the story.
The Daily News got to go there, hide John's black wife and take pictures of John Lowe, so it looks like he's Zeke Heiling.
And we know that our enemies, our shitty magicians, are going to be trying to fuck with us, but where are we?
You know what I mean?
In short, during the Obama administration, the NSA database was continually used to conduct surveillance.
They were spying on Trump and other Republicans.
They had a whole laundry list of enemies.
This is the critical point that leads to understanding the origin of Spygate as it unfolded in the spring and summer of 2016.
It was the discovery of the database exploitation and removal of access as a surveillance tool that created their initial problem.
Anyway, just show the top of that article because I'd have to read the whole thing.
It's really good.
That's what it's called.
And it's on Zero Hedge, which is not going to be around for long.
Oh, here's a doozy.
And this is related.
1-6.
So NBC admits Chuck Todd's Meet the Press dissembly edited Barr remarks on Flynn, right?
You are being lied to.
So go down to the tweet that it's a guy from Daily Wire, I think, posted.
Yeah, that one.
So click on that.
You brought up Bill Barr.
Peggy Noonan, I want you to listen to this Bill Barr answer to a question about what will history say about this.
When do you hear this answer?
Take a listen.
When history looks back on this decision, how do you think it will be written?
Well, history is written by the winner, so it largely depends on who's writing the history.
I was...
It's a correct answer, but he's the Attorney General.
He didn't make the case that he was upholding the rule of law.
He was almost admitting that, yeah, this is a political job.
When history looks on this.
So what you just saw was Chuck Todd's edit.
This is how it actually played out.
And how do you think it will be written?
Well, history is written by the winner, so it largely depends on who's writing the history.
But I think a fake history would say it was a good decision because it upheld the rule of law.
It upheld the standards of the Department of Justice.
And it undid what was an injustice.
Minor fucking...
It drives me nuts when she's on Tucker.
She could be so pretty, and she has basically my hair.
You have more feminine hair than her.
But anyway, yeah, you are being lied to by shitty magicians.
That pisses me off.
Should be fired by Concast for this fraud.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
Public airways equal fake news.
It's so true.
All right, let's get to, let's have some fun and make fun of losers, shall we?
Let's get to, let's get to.
Hello, folks.
I'd like to introduce you to some sad fucking losers.
And this is going to be a strange journey because I feel bad for the plight of man, but this horror show of bottom feeders feeding on nerds who are slightly lower than them is shocking to witness.
So we're going to be insulting these people, but also feeling some sympathy for them.
Let's see if that's possible.
So this guy with his strange collection of barn wood, he calls a face.
Look at those teeth.
Women aren't horny for you when you have shitty teeth because it Shows that you had a shitty childhood where your parents didn't care about you, and it means that you're going to be a shitty dad.
And so it turns off women.
They see a shitty son when they see you because you are.
So this sad nerd calls himself Wet Movie.
It's a strange, kind of a clammy pornography name, Wet Movie One.
And he just vlogs his life.
So he's seen to losers as the king of the shitheads, which is kind of good, I guess, because he obviously is never going to be able to pick up girls in person at a bar or something.
But if you have an entourage of friends and a project, you're going to have like a friend's sister.
There's hope for you yet.
But not picking up chicks.
So don't bother spending a night with pickup artists.
It'll do you no good.
I promise you, you will not get a phone number.
Promise.
Hey guys, Wet Movie One back here again.
Hi, Wet Movie One.
For another tonight in a life video for you guys today.
And in this video, we're gonna be doing something a little bit special and a little bit different.
You guys may be going home.
Oh my God, what kind of crazy stuff are you guys going to get into?
I'm with the special guest right now.
Come on over here, special guests.
Pause, you know how blacks have a different accent?
And because it's a different culture, I'm noticing nerds have a whole different accent, manners.
They always pose like this in photos.
They have different DNA.
It's a different culture.
And this is comic book guy from The Simpsons.
Hollywood, outside of the Capitol building, and we're about to go to a seminar.
Only building that's remotely interesting in all of that shithole called LA.
They contacted us, or we've been messaging back and forth, and they'll be like, yo, you want to know how to pick up women?
Come to Hillary.
I looked up these guys' videos.
Not these guys, but the pickup artists you're about to meet who are mind-blowing.
And they generally have about 115 views, 55 views.
They don't have a microphone.
So even in the pathetic world of being a YouTuber, they suck.
And these guys look up to them as gods.
See, there's tears.
When you see a really sad nerd, he's looking up to a rock star that you wouldn't let shine your boots.
Speaking, we're going to give you the right tips and tricks on how to pick up women and things.
Because, you know, I don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to that.
I kind of do, a little bit.
Sort of.
But we're going to be going to.
You know what your hope is?
Your hope is a nerdy girl who's part of some dumb club and doesn't care about teeth.
Your only hope is for a roadie vibe.
So don't wear shorts like the comic book dude from The Simpsons.
Grow more of a beard so you look less like the comic book dude.
And wear like jeans and boots so people think you're a roadie from motorhead or something.
And smoke.
Smoke cigarettes.
Going down to the seminar in a couple minutes and seeing how this thing turns out.
And we're on the Hollywood Walk of Fame right now.
But Aaron, dude, what are we getting into right now?
How do you know these?
Well, I mean, they're on Facebook and stuff.
And these guys are actually pretty popular.
And hey, hey guys, let's go on.
Okay, this pod here.
So that's part of his nerd crew.
This guy's bit is that he walks around with mannequin legs.
I just thought of something.
Can you imagine how sad it is this concept?
This is where we get into mockery and sympathy at the same time.
Can you imagine how sad it is, the concept of being a regular customer for pickup artists?
You didn't just go to one seminar.
You go to all of them and you know the guys' names and stuff.
How heartbreaking is that?
Hey guys, you want to get any chick you want?
Buy a bag of cocaine.
Sorry.
What's up, bro?
What up, buddy?
You know, me and Aaron are kind of busy tonight.
What are you doing?
This is a comedy act you're seeing.
Yeah, we had dinner earlier, so it's kind of hard.
Yeah, dude, but right now, me and Aaron are about to go meet up these pickup artists.
You want to come along with us?
I think it might do him some good, actually.
How to pick up a bro woman?
I heard he has a woman, and I guess you wouldn't mind if I tag a lot of it?
You can come along.
That's okay.
He's definitely got some Mexican in him.
That guy seems reasonable.
That guy managed to pick up a chick.
You just go black.
If you go black, you can get anyone you want.
Okay, this is the part that breaks my heart.
There's clientele.
People go to see these pickup artists.
Now, maybe the pickup artists faked this seminar and had their friends come, but I don't think so.
Now, this is the problem with the state of men today.
When I was young, men were rock stars.
Burt Reynolds had his big hairy body in Playgirl, a centerfold.
You could see big, fat, not fat, but big, hairy Burt Reynolds.
The way we dressed when we were teens was like a cutoff t-shirt showing our gorgeous bellies and like short shorts with tube socks and feathered hair with like a coral choker.
I see these photos of me when I was like 12 and I'm going, yeah, with like sunglasses like this.
We thought we were gods because men were treated well in the media.
There was like Smokey and the Bear and the Dukes of Hazard and men were cool.
Then somewhere around the 80s, feminism ended all men's clubs.
That's why the Proud Boys are verboten today.
And men became pieces of shit.
So we went from like my three sons and the Brady Bunch where dads are cool to like Homer Simpson and Dad Suck.
And the male suicide rate is going through the roof because guys don't know who they are anymore.
They've had their identity taken away and they don't know how to talk to girls apparently, a lot of them.
So their confidence is devastated.
The suicide rate is going through the roof for men, especially white males.
So this just breaks my heart to see.
Guys, you want to get laid?
Go to bars and get wasted and talk to everyone.
Talking, laughing, fucking.
That's all you need to know about chicks.
Just don't shut up.
Let's see how this turns out.
Aaron, what are we doing?
Hey, we're in Hollywood.
I think that's everything goes, right?
I guess so.
So we're heading on in to the seminar right now there.
Now, are you excited?
You think you're going to learn anything?
I'm really excited.
Are you excited too?
I'm excited.
We are excited.
Are you excited about your hilarious joke?
Hi, everybody.
Welcome.
Okay, so, just pause.
This freak is a nerd named Arash.
His name is Arash.
He is Arash.
Arash D Bazaar?
Oh, look, this is his protege who dresses like him and does all his tech equipment.
So, this guy's just, he couldn't get laid, so he covered himself in tattoos and turned himself into this mystical weirdo that I guess in a dark club, some girls think, oh, I'm gonna fuck him, a shitty bad guy from a kid-friendly horror movie like Goosebumps or This Old House.
He's a Disney villain.
Or something wicked this way comes.
Let's get started.
What I can do, nobody can do.
That's it.
There's nobody on the entire planet that can do what Arash can do.
Some of you have seen it.
You saw it last week, they went out with me last week.
Some of you have seen it on other levels.
He's seen a bunch of shit that's not explainable.
He gave away that a lot of his customers are actually friends he had come in.
You saw it last week when we were hanging out because we're friends.
And to get to where I'm at is going to require a tremendous amount of commitment.
But I am here to inspire something new.
What's happening is what's happening?
What's happening?
What is that?
Why is there a mannequin here?
What do we have to find?
So this again is a joke.
This is obviously staged, and now they're doing a comedy turn.
Bro, I told you.
Go for anybody go for it to the party.
In a way, yeah.
Yeah?
Who are you guys?
I've been seeing you guys.
Are you students here?
Are you spies?
Spies.
Spies.
When nerds do art.
Their students are half gay, half not gay, half animal lovers.
He's wearing OR scrubs, a black silk t-shirt, and fancy dress shoes.
And why is there a woman there?
How to pick up me?
Bring him to spies?
He's gay.
You're his dad?
I'm gay.
You're gay lovers together?
I'm not against gay, you guys.
These guys have all agreed to be there.
You would be too ashamed to let someone say that.
We're just trying to get some tips on, you know, we want to spice up our love level.
Well, let's start with a tip.
Don't bring a fucking mannequin to a place like this.
I've talked to him before, and he said that he thinks that it makes other women jealous because he's fuck off your restaurants.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I want to hear more of what a rash has to say.
I didn't know a rash could talk.
How about that continuum?
I also know I dress nice.
I know there's many things about me that can be admired.
I'll start there.
Without thinking about sex.
He has his eyelids tattooed.
Covered his face and head with tattoos.
Okay.
For sure, we're going to have sex when the right fucking time comes.
For you and for me.
When is the right time for your rosh when she's begging me?
How about that?
Be clear here.
He's telling these nerds who can't get laid that the best time for them to have sex with a woman is when she's on her hands and knees pleading and begging for it.
Is that really good advice for these guys?
For Garbage Mouth?
Is that really good advice for them?
That's when I want to have sex.
What if that is going to take about 300 years?
Fingering the shit out of her or licking her pussy or doing whatever the fuck I'm doing.
And I know she wants to fuck.
And now it's getting awkward that I'm not fucking her.
We both can feel it.
How much money do you think these guys make?
How much are these tickets?
That moment arrives if you do that long enough.
And then I say to you.
Remember Rouch V. He's all into trad cat stuff now, traditional Catholicism and living in the woods in the middle of nowhere.
But that used to be his bag.
How to pick up chicks.
And sometimes I think the tickets are 320 bucks.
So we make men feel terrible about themselves.
They live in perpetual fear of getting me-tooed like Aziz Ansari did when seven blowjobs meant that seven blowjobs meant that he was raping her.
Remember that story?
We've talked about it a million times.
She blew him seven times in a date, and then later, two years later, said that he basically raped her.
I know her language by then.
Don't blow your rapist.
That's my advice.
That's my seminar.
Then you have to tell me, Arash, fuck me.
And every single time, they're like, what?
What the fuck did you just say?
And I say, no, I'm serious, actually.
We don't have to.
But if you want.
He's on his phone during his seminar.
Okay, this guy is named Vince.
Do you remember his second name?
Vince Nevik or something?
I don't know.
He's got some weird foreign accent.
I guarantee you he has a wife and kids back in his home country of maybe Poland and or Italy.
I don't think Italy.
Vince Kelvin?
Vince Kelvin.
That's his name.
He's been on Steve Harvey.
Oh my God.
He's lived an incredible life.
And he has a weird shitty mohawk where it's as long as my hair on the sides.
And then he just has this long hair that he combs and dyes into a chick's mohawk, like a sexy girl's mohawk.
Like, what's her name?
Brody from the distillers.
And it goes over one eye.
It's sort of like that dude, Sway, who would put his dreads in a big, tall Marge Simpson, like African wrap until someone said, dude, that's what African women do.
Men don't put their hair in a big tall thing.
And then he stopped doing it.
This guy is doing the same thing, but with punk chicks.
And he has on all this pink jewelry.
His face is covered in piercings, just like a rash.
And then he's got these like goth boots from fucking Burning Man.
I really want to meet someone who fucks him.
I really want to meet her, and I want to interview her vagina.
Same with the other guy.
I'm stunned anyone fucks them.
And the fact that these sad nerds are taking advice from them shows you how far man has plummeted.
Talk about toxic masculinity.
This masculinity smells like a bad fart.
Do not always keep it.
You cannot just smile or just, you know, you got to be alive with your face, with your soul, your heart, your guts, and your soul.
Your testicles.
We have a lady here.
Let's watch that 950 points.
Your testicles we have a lady here who have to be.
Sounds like he's saying electric eels.
Your testicules.
And your.
Your testicles we have a lady here.
We have to be.
In between.
We call them yes, but.
Everybody, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
But.
Speaking of butt.
Wait a minute.
This guy Is Arash's man.
I wonder what he thinks of Vince.
I wonder if he's like Vince, because he hasn't taken any of Vince's look.
He's 100% Arash.
So I wonder if he's sort of like, oh, great, now Vince is here.
He probably says to Arash, dude, you should do your own seminars.
You're so much better than Vince.
He looks like a goof.
You look like a magician.
Look at fucking comic book guy.
He's an exact clone.
Really?
Black dudes?
Really?
Do you walk around with legs like that?
Yeah, sometimes.
Sometimes.
May I see them?
May I borrow them?
Won't it be okay if you see a man walk around with legs like that?
Don't eye-seekiness.
Yeah?
I would walk around with that and say, excuse me, excuse me, have you seen the top?
Those tools I give you right now.
Excuse me, excuse me, have you seen the top?
Let's get to it.
And the guy is ancient.
He's older than me.
And he's dressed like a Ten year old anime Punk chick Those tools that I gave you right now You need to be a mouse This is so amazing.
Not only does he have this unbelievable chick hair, emo fucking geek.
He also has wool that he's stitched into his hair, woven in.
He has multicolored dreads coming out the back, but he also has this gray wool ponytail, three mouth piercings, and then nose and eye piercings.
Could you do worse?
I don't know a woman that I've, in my entire, like all my friends, all my friends' friends.
I don't know of a woman that would fuck him under any circumstances.
Super sharp.
You need to know them in your sleep.
You do either.
At some point, it's still a process of discovery, but it's like, you know, these guys are like, they're like parasites.
They're like rats.
So we have this rotting corpse of masculinity in this country.
And then these little scavengers come in and just start picking off and breaking off little pieces.
Like this well-trained surgeon.
Or, like, all-time classic in a parallel reality.
Right now, you and I are dry humping so good.
You're on that wall.
Remember when Ricky Gervais, or I should say David Brent in the office, he has that song, Hot Love on the Hot Love.
And then he says, I saw a cowboy crying.
And he ends it with, I had a lot of women, but none of them was you.
And then the other guy goes, oh, he's gay.
And he goes, no, no.
He's not talking to the cowboy anymore.
He has a picture of his girl that he's holding up.
And he's looking at the picture.
In the video, you'll see that.
So David Brent fucked up and changed out the person without telling the listener.
That's exactly what he did.
He's sitting here talking to these guys, saying, you need to go out and talk to girls and you need to do this.
You need to do that.
And then he switches it to a chick and says, in a parallel universe, you and I are fucking.
So everyone in the seminar goes, wait, you and I are fucking?
That's how bad he is at talking.
Go back a little bit.
You're on that wall.
You're begging for more.
You're at that place when you want it to stop because it's so strong and you want it to last forever at the same time.
And the two are coming together.
And you go inside one and the other one is back and forth.
And dry humping.
Hey, you want to dry hump in my car?
Rub each other's jeans together?
What you wanted?
I'm wondering if I fell down, did you guys catch me?
Or take it?
Come and suck my dick, his jacket says.
He's smoking a cigarette and drinking health grass juice.
If you look at the look, you miss out on things that, if let's say.
This is how bad things are, that people actually listen to this man who does not speak English and cannot convey a thought.
See if you can understand what he's about to say.
It's one of the most confusing moments in the history of the human experience.
You miss out on things that, if let's say, you're talking to a man and you say something that's pretty clever, wouldn't you say that what I said is clever and funny?
Not everybody may appreciate it, but it's clever and funny.
And the best response the man would give you, let's say, you share some principles that you share and the guy goes, oh, yeah.
You would put in the right perspective.
You would be like, that's completely retarded.
Who is that human being?
what I'm thinking right now.
That's the one crumb in this entire video that sort of made sense.
And he's saying when you go out and try to pick up chicks and they reject you, don't take it personally.
Okay?
That's not easy to do, especially as you get older and your ego becomes more important to you.
But thanks, I guess, for the tip.
Punk chick?
Look at him.
Somebody responds minimally, not much.
Then he thinks something is wrong with him.
But if you don't have that, you stay.
It's just about a matter of having the right candidates.
See, let's see.
Let's set it down.
Yeah, let's do some more leg jokes.
Those are great.
I kind of like the height right there.
Because I love tall girls, so oftentimes, like it's a little bit of a mismatch.
I love hips higher than mine.
Sir, would you fuck that mannequin?
Ah, no.
Come on.
Look, just pause.
What the fuck is this?
This is a tiny dwarf who's handicapped who rides around in a neon toy with blue hair making jokes.
I don't know if he's part of wet movies crew or if there's just the streets of LA are just littered with freaks.
But he likes to fuck mannequins according to their joke.
Dude, bring it.
You might want to be careful, dude, because he has all.
I'm actually about to take it out, bro.
Okay, have fun, bro.
You don't know what kind of disease.
I know exactly what I'm going to do, bro.
This bitch, bro.
I've never been before.
This is my little girl.
Oh, dude, he's taking your shit, homie.
This is my ex, but, like, you get habit, bro.
Cause, like, I've been there, done that.
Floppy seconds, bro.
Okay.
God, imagine the kind of game you'd have to be if you were a crippled dwarf.
Like, you're going to do better than being the funniest guy alive and having blue hair.
Wait, what's he saying?
Okay.
Like, you know what I mean?
You might want to wash your hands though, okay, homie?
Did I ever tell you about the time I met this hot Asian chick because she sent Vice her zine and it was pretty interesting?
So I started corresponding with her.
And eventually she said, hey, I'm going to be in New York.
I thought, yes, let's meet up.
And she'd sent me pictures of her.
I think this is like 2000.
And she'd sent me a few pictures of her.
There wasn't a lot of social media back then.
And she looked super fucking hot in these pictures.
So I meet her at, what's it called?
It's on 10th Street, Webster Hall.
And I can't find her anywhere.
And I go upstairs, downstairs, which she's not the place we agreed to meet.
And then I finally see her.
She's sitting down.
They have high tables there, the kind that you stand and lean on.
She's sitting down below one.
So it's like over her head.
And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?
Why don't you sit on a stool?
And then I realize that she's crippled.
She's in a wheelchair.
And her legs are pipe cleaners.
What the fuck?
And I said, oh, you didn't tell me you're in a wheelchair.
And she goes, yeah, I did.
No, you didn't.
Believe me, I would not forget that.
And then I guess she's been through this before.
So she picks up her body and her little spaghetti legs sort of follow her.
And she sits on the bench now.
And she goes, try it.
Try it.
I guess that's the icebreaker that she does.
And it kind of worked.
I sat in it and there was zero friction.
The technology on these things is amazing.
I could do that sort of spin thing and the lean back thing.
And from the slightest push, I was like across the room.
So that was fun.
But I got to get out of this.
I'm not going to fuck a cripple.
And so she has like this guy there, and he's her best friend's boyfriend.
And he's sort of monitoring me and monitoring the situation.
Whatever, dude.
I'm not interested.
So we go to this dive bar that's on 14th Street.
I forget what it was called.
But we go to the back and she starts getting drunk.
Now, girls can't handle their liquor.
Asians can't handle their liquor.
Crippled Asian females, I mean, you just have to sort of breathe beer vapors on them and they're shit-faced.
So I'm talking to the guy and not really including her in the conversation because she's lower than us.
And I don't mean that in a class way.
But when someone's in a chair, you have to keep going like this to talk to them and it hurts your back.
So they tend to get ignored.
It's just more comfortable.
In fact, there's these parties in New York where they would cut styrofoam for your shoes and make everyone six feet tall.
They were called like height parties or something.
So everyone was the exact same height.
And it's true.
I noticed at parties, you'll see like the tall people will end up talking to each other because they're sick of doing this all the time.
And same with the shrimps.
They're sick of going like that, so they'll hang out.
Anyway, so she starts getting more and more wasted and she takes off her shirt and she's got her phone stuffed into her bra in case she gets an important call.
And she goes, why does everyone think blowjobs are such a big deal?
And she's saying that really, really loud.
And we're both like, okay.
And she goes, they're so fucking easy.
That's what she yelled.
And then I start getting attracted to her.
And oh, there we go.
And then her boyfriend senses that.
Or not her boyfriend, her bodyguard, I guess.
And then he's sort of getting territorial.
And then we start having this sort of chest puffing stance where I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll probably take her on.
He's like, no, I got her.
I got her.
Don't worry about it.
She'll be safe with me.
I'm like, oh, no, she'll be safe with me too.
Yeah.
And eventually he won and wheeled her out of there with her little skinny legs ranting and screaming at the top of her lungs about fellatio.
And I thought, I wonder what that would have been like that night.
Her legs had zero meat on the bones.
And you'd think she'd wear high-heel shoes, too.
If anyone's going to wear high-heel shoes, it's someone who doesn't have to walk in them.
That kind of pissed me off.
Anyway, so this guy's probably in the same boat.
Poor bastard.
You can tell he's working hard, though.
Should I wash my hands?
Do y'all come on that shit or what?
All of us did earlier.
We were cocky on that motherfucker.
Appreciate it.
Okay, cool.
All right, man.
You down to go to the Roosevelt with us?
Let's do it.
All right, man.
The party's moving on over to the Roosevelt.
Okay, guys, before we head on over to the Roosevelt, we're going on over to Vince's apartment, the Pussy Palace, and see what it is.
Way better name than the Fag Zone.
All right, Vince, we're finally in the city.
Okay, so this is his apartment, right?
It appears to be a bachelor pad, like a bachelor apartment, like a one-bedroom, which in Hollywood, in LA, that must be dirt cheap.
This must be $900 a month.
Maybe $1,100?
He's a loser.
Finally, in your pad here, as I called it outside the Pussy Palace, and you even have a stripper pole here.
These guys are kings of the shitheads.
In the middle of your room here.
Do you have a stripper pole in your room?
It has a stripper pole, actually.
It's just pants on it.
So it depends, you know?
Oh.
Yeah, it's in my pads.
We got a little history with some of the things we put down in the garage here.
Okay.
That's on the Steve Harvey show right there.
Oh, yeah.
That's the CNN week.
I like that clip.
That's our event, the Golden Player.
Oh, we listen to Lisa Ling's show.
That's the pig party last year.
And that's the Russian I, Will Kings will pick up.
That's pretty cool, man.
This is like, this is kind of like a pad I wish I had, to be honest.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't know about the stripes.
It's a girl's pad.
It's not just a girl's pad.
It's a fat girl's pad.
If you go home with a fat female bartender in New Orleans, this is exactly what her place will look like.
Oh, great.
You have a black cock tattooed to your stomach.
Didn't occur to you that it's black when you were doing the pun?
Some of them did just go, yeah, sure.
No, but guys, I have a quick question.
Since we're going down, we're going to party in Hollywood together.
These wool dreads.
Hey, with that shitty attitude, what do you think the chances are of me, you might as well go bet all your fucking money on a lotto when you talk like that?
Let's reword it, right?
Okay, we're going to go to Hollywood right now.
You're going to Roosevelt Hotel, which seems to be a weird destination.
I've never thought of that until you're going to be a fun party zone.
I don't know.
Who goes to a hotel?
Vince, are you like that?
We finally got out of Vince's apartment over here.
I know.
This is like a fancy ass thing.
We're going to be getting into this car.
I feel like a rock.
So I know what's going on here.
I got it figured out.
This guy is king of the shitheads.
He's the top nerd in the loser community.
The two, Ash Arash and Vince, prey on these sad losers.
So they say, hey, we want to be on your YouTube channel.
You can interview us, spend a night with us rocking.
And you can come to one of our seminars.
It's going to be good for you.
It'll be good for us because it'll be advertising.
We can show you losers how cool we are.
And as you can see by that apartment, you don't have to be very cool to impress these guys.
Oh, by the way, in that stripper pole thing, he says, I could never have one in my room.
This nerd says that because I don't have the confidence.
Do you realize what he thinks?
He thinks that Vince strips for his dates.
They sit on the bed and then he, I don't know, goes upside down and like slides down the pole really slow.
Is this still recording, Ryan?
Everything fine?
So Vince, do you usually ride in cars like car stores?
What they did was they booked like a super fancy Uber X or maybe even rented a car so they can look like badasses in this clip to the nerds.
This is just, this is evil.
So if it's pre-planned, we have a couple drivers we work with.
We just arrived in the room.
A couple of drivers we work with.
What are you talking about, you effing liar?
Oh, shit.
Oh, I think something over here at the Bluebell.
Okay, so what is that black chick?
She has wool hair.
She looks like she's 45.
She's a four.
And I don't think these guys just picked her up.
think they called her and said hey can we pick you up at the club so we just yeah I picked up a four.
No, you didn't, and that's not impressive.
And you can't get a bald chick.
A fat, bald, old chick.
Look at his head.
What has he done to himself?
He likes pussy so much, he's disfigured himself.
I mean, we like it too, but we're not going to tattoo our eyelids to get our numbers up.
This is the weird part.
I don't care.
Vince leaves.
Wow.
You were over here at Craig.
So, what do you do when you want to pick up chicks?
You go to a strip club where lots of naked ladies are.
Yeah.
And those naked ladies like you a lot.
They want to date you.
All it takes is throw, literally throwing money at them.
So what he does is he takes these girls outside and he says, you can plug your Instagram.
Follow me on Instagram at F-U-underscore I'm going to go to.
Nice work, wet movie.
You got a girlfriend.
She loves you.
You know who's allowed to go to strip clubs and hang out with chicks?
Every male person of drinking age in the world.
This is not an accomplishment.
Although I'll tell you what is an accomplishment.
I've taken my phone out of strip clubs before and they get fucking pissed.
They get really mad.
Even if you take out your phone and look at your texts, they get mad at the idea that you might be filming.
Music I'm partying.
She had a rash on her shoulder there.
All right, guys, we just got out of the club.
Hang on.
We met Liles Davis?
We're heading on back to the Roosevelt.
Yeah, that's gremlin.
All right, everyone.
We've come down to the coke sinking in.
I got the girls back there doing their stuff.
What do his eyelids say?
I killed another.
Fuck you?
Fuck the rest.
Yeah, it says fuck you.
It says fuck you.
Holy shit.
Wow.
I know this guy, a rash.
He's such a badass.
It says fuck you on his eyes.
That's how badass he is.
Wow.
I appreciate you guys being here.
I had a good time with you.
I hope you had a good time.
Yeah, we had a lot of time.
I had a good time advertising to you nerds.
Pretending that I can get you laid.
And all I can do is get you less pussy by making you look like a freak.
I'm a total nerd.
Anyway, he goes on to plug his website.
And I think we should definitely check these guys out.
Maybe get them on the show.
I like the idea of mocking these parasite rats who feed on lonely nerds.
And you're ready for life.
Oh, and you give it all you've got.
I'm hooked.
Are you hooked?
I'm Vince and Narash?
I want to know everything about them.
I want to know, this is sort of like the room with Vince.
We don't know his, what country he's from.
He's a midget and he's got dark hair, so I'm thinking Italian.
He's shockingly, he's shorter than Ronnie James Dio, by the way.
If you see him, I saw other people.
You'll notice when he's talking to people like my height, I'm 5'11.
He's talking like this.
He looks way up.
Oh, he's got an IMDB.
What a fucking loser.
Dude, you have the hair of a hot, fat, punk chick.
Wait, what's this?
Best Science Fiction Feature Film Award.
Amazing.
Oh, we're watching that.
Look, Tarash is in it too.
Yes, he is.
I got mirrors sent to the house.
So we can, we don't have to use my daughter's giant fucking wood mirror.
Yeah, we should watch that.
We should also watch 90 Day Fiancé, which I watched with my daughter last night.
Holy shit.
That guy, I think my favorite one, obviously Big Ed is the winner.
But it's almost like it's lame now to like Big Ed.
You know, when Your band, like the replacements, when they had Sarima forgot to take out the trash, they were your band.
And then when they got big with Please to Meet Me, you're like, ah, I don't like them anymore.
I like their old stuff.
I'm like that too.
I'm a 90-day snob.
He's Tiger King now.
Yeah, he's Tiger King.
Sorry, it's whack.
You're corny if you're into big head.
No, the cool guy.
I don't know.
That's enough of it.
The cool guy now is David.
The guy who spent $100,000 on, I think her name is Maria.
Atlanta?
Atlanta.
She stood him up five times over the course of seven years.
Oh, yeah.
And this is, they just showed her for the first time.
By the way, my daughter and I are obsessed with this jacket.
Is there a worse jacket available?
First of all, that color.
What is that?
Hot mustard?
No, it really is.
It's like champagne bronze or something.
What is that?
Could you choose a less attractive?
There's not a less attractive color in the world palette.
Where did you get that?
Who sees a gold, weird bronzy gold shirt?
Like, if I see a car that color, I have to speed and pull up next to him because I just have to see who the person is.
But the jacket is way worse.
The jacket is leather, right?
But it's a trench coat, but it's also somewhat quilted.
You'll see in close-ups, the collar has some sort of a mush, like a thin layer of cotton ball lint that's sort of stitched and quilted in.
Look, and his pants are too long.
You know the story with him.
His friend met a Ukrainian girl online on the internet, and they're happily married, and they're good friends of his.
So he wants the same.
But the woman that is the family friend, she had a normal dating site, like a Facebook thing that she had to pay for.
And she didn't take money from him and say, buy me flowers, buy me chocolates.
She's not a scam.
Your chick is a scam.
But I guess they finally met in the new episode.
Well, what do I mean?
I guess I saw the episode.
They do finally meet.
It's been seven years in the making.
Thousands of hours of chat.
I am beyond ready.
But my excitement is being tempered by my nervousness.
Another thing my daughter pointed out, that's a wig.
It is a wig?
He's 60 years old.
His hair is perfect in every shot.
That same like ch thing.
Of what that first meeting is going to be like.
He's bald.
I want someone who shows affection.
Can I get that from just knowing somebody through chat for seven years?
This is Independent Square.
And the monument that I'm going to meet her in is right there.
I told her 11 o'clock at this spot.
There is no room for error on this.
By the way, you know what I told you in this episode?
He arrives on Friday and she goes, I'm sorry, I can't meet you till Monday.
I have to go to my nephew's hockey game.
I'd like to come.
I'm your fiancé.
No, it's very just family, very private hockey game that lasts all weekend.
And he just goes, damn, shit.
Her to meet me under the monument.
Everybody knows Independent Square.
Everybody knows the monument.
There is only one place that could be.
Five more minutes.
It's a super cold day.
So the good thing is that it's so cold that I don't think anybody's going to be here.
It's just going to be me and her.
Button up your stupid jacket.
I guarantee that, what is this, TLC?
Just said, we'll give you 500 bucks.
You got to show up.
Or she caught wind of the show, maybe.
Why would she want to be on the show?
She's a scam artist.
1059.
Now I'm starting to get nervous.
Imagine living in Eastern Europe.
Everything's so cold and dirty.
I don't know what she'll be doing.
It's the least cozy part of the world.
Look at their rust diorama there.
Marble.
And they don't have catalytic converters, so every time you touch something, it's soot.
China's like that, too.
11 o'clock.
Everything is dirty.
She's not late yet there, David.
You should talk to a pickup artist.
Yeah, she wouldn't wait down there.
There is another statue across the street.
She wouldn't think it was there.
Where is Lana?
Where is she?
I can't take it anymore.
Can we fast forward to Lana, please?
Or does she not even...
That is her.
Hi, thanks for the 120 grand.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you're much fatter than I imagined.
Oh, you're the man who has been masturbating to me and sending me $120,000.
That's me.
It's all a bunch of wankers.
Chronic masturbators.
All right, should we do the...
1-7.
Ryan has an interesting theory I haven't brought up yet.
Oh, that's this Arash before he had his beard.
Before he had his rash.
Who is that midget?
Where's that midget from?
He's an Italian midget.
Have you seen it?
No, I haven't.
Fuck.
Okay, it's brilliant.
Resource.
Have you seen it?
I haven't.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Have you seen it?
I haven't, but I watched it.
I'm picking up Ecuadorian vibes from his schnaz.
Oh, that's not terrible.
It's brilliant.
Like, you need to watch it.
It's not just a movie.
It's a lot.
Ecuador would explain the height thing.
And yeah, and the rock aware.
Like, the rocker wear, excuse me.
They love mana and mago de Os.
But the scene where he's...
Yeah, but that's not...
He comes from a...
Look at 2-0.
I was looking at 2-0s.
This is on Vince Kelvin's own site.
2-0, I said.
So you get a good look at his face here.
There should be an app where you can just plug in a face and it tells you like the 23andMe just by the bone structure.
Okay, scroll down.
That was on Steve Harvey.
Keep going.
There.
Oh.
Is that Ecuador?
No.
It looks pretty Italian to me.
It looks Italian.
Yeah, Roberto Benini.
Yeah, and Italians are fucking shrimps.
No, like if you go to Italy, I recommend you go to Italy.
Well, I can't go.
You're too retarded to get on a plane.
But no, you go to Italy, you go to your used clothing store, and all the suits are super tight and pee-hermin-y, which I like.
There's nothing worse than a big suit.
The Milano fit.
And that's because they're all like midgets who are wearing oversized suits.
So it ends up fitting you perfectly.
That's why they have great fabric, too.
They don't have to use very much of it.
Yeah, very Italian.
I'm picking up.
So anyway, Ryan's theory is that they're fags.
Yeah.
And they're trying to seem like macho guys in front of these nerds.
And they're like, I pick up women, I eat the vaginas.
Yeah, the way they talk about sex reminds me of the 40-year-old virgin.
You know, when you're fucking and you switch holes.
No, switch holes.
No.
Maybe in pornography they do that, but it's not really a thing.
And they love pink so much and they love makeup so much.
Yeah.
We'll show these clips.
Well, look at 1-8.
That's something they've never looked at.
1-8.
There was the outer appearance, and there was what was really happening.
I can meet a woman and go, that bitch will be in my future as long as I can talk to her.
If my future, she accepts it, she does better.
She lives better, then I don't have to apologize for taking that.
He's still holding that imagination for me.
I'm going to get everything out of you.
Yeah, she's scared.
Whoa!
She's going to fall.
Now, the beautiful part of you and I is that my friendship with you is first.
Thick, thin, good, bad, ugly, whatever the fuck it is.
Ryan's theory is, and I'll add something to it.
He gets these losers, you get them drunk, you take them to a strip club, they get all horny, and then you somehow, sort of like Tiger King with the meth guys, you brainwash them into thinking getting a blowjob is not really gay.
That's just what buddies are.
Like, look, you touch her like this.
See how I put my hand on your leg like this?
Here, let me show you how good a blowjob can feel.
And you're going to be getting one of them from a girl.
And they're like drunk and tired and sad.
And they're so excited to be with these cool guys who have sort of mohawks and tattoos.
Holy shit.
That they blow them.
Yeah.
Would real cool guys let just nerds all hang out with them on tattoos?
Yeah.
That's our event, the global SLR, Playboy Radio.
They're showing off for them.
Okay, go back.
Now, look at 1.9.
Because that 1.8 I showed you was very gay.
1.9 is also extremely gay.
And then there was the outer appearance.
Is that 1.9?
Yeah, it's two time codes.
There's two under one.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
Okay, so show that time.
That was just a particularly gay moment in that same video.
Okay.
So here, this one, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, this one.
Without a doubt, you throw a guy to go in a room.
Okay?
Let him be there for a very long time and nobody else.
Something's going to happen with those two.
Like over the years, you know?
Over the years.
You don't have to teach them.
Throw two women.
You put a man and a woman in a room for years and they're going to end up fucking?
Yeah, probably.
They're also going to go insane.
Good tips.
Are you feeding them?
Good pickup tips.
At some point, his penis is going to get hard, she's going to get aroused, and they're going to explore and figure this shit out.
No one has to come up with that.
You're a genius.
Right?
Why are we allowing immigrants to come here from Iran?
By religion.
Bye.
All right, let's close the show-ish.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
This is from Lara.
Lara?
Hey, did you zoom in more?
No.
On you?
Yeah.
No.
I thought my helmet was in frame.
Maybe because did you knock it with the microphone?
Yeah, yeah.
I got this from in Japan.
Oh, nice.
And it's a triple XL, and it barely fits on my head.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's another shrimpish gland.
Holy crap.
Look, my beard sticks out of the bottom.
But you look like a stormtrooper.
Yeah.
My dad used to be a motor psychoresa.
I think he was into some mischief.
Nothing wrong with that.
My son and I are really into dad jokes.
He would post them on a whiteboard on the outside of his dorm room door to amuse his classmates.
He picked up a new joke book yesterday while running some errands.
We were sampling his new material when we came across this little gem.
The joke itself was not very funny, but the cruel irony gave us a chuckle.
I guess you could file this in things that didn't age well.
Like you more than a friend, Lara.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Time?
Whoops.
Now he has passed.
Yes, you can say my name because I don't give a fuck you with my heels on what anyone thinks.
There you go.
You should remember that when you feel anxious about something.
Like you have to go to a party and you're like, I don't really know anyone there.
Just go check it out.
And if it sucks, leave.
You're not marrying this party.
You get invited to some seminar or something.
Check it out.
And if it's boring, stand up and walk out.
Now, I know if you're on a cruise and you go to their comedy club and you sit in the front, and after 15 minutes you decide this sucks, and you're one of seven people and you have to stand up and walk out, yeah, that can be pretty rough, but fuck it.
That's the guilt tip.
You're the customer that you're you mentioned in the strip club, the guilt tip.
Oh, yeah, did I mention that in the video?
You did, I think.
We did a couple takes, but yeah, those fat uglies, especially if you're in a strip club like in Greenpoint or the Bronx or Long Island City, and it's like early.
It's like a Monday at 4 p.m.
That's when they really roll out the pigs.
Hey, Gavin Ryan, any tips for getting hard and fucking chicks while drunk as shit?
I'm 18 years old and I never have an issue when sober, but when I drink, it's tough.
I've had a few close calls in the past where I almost couldn't get it up, blah, blah, blah.
We have Blue Chew, our sponsor, and if you use the promo code Gavin, you get they only have to pay for shipping.
But my friend Dan Morrissey once said, smelling a girl's ass, the poor man's Viagra, her butt cheeks.
And I think it's because you're kind of shocked that you like it and you go, Jesus, I'm a real pig.
I don't like the butt cheeks.
You have a coconut smasher.
Or sometimes just thinking about her ass, even though she's right there, will save the day.
I hate your ass.
That's what dreams are made of.
You better have You Hurt Me today.
You know what I have to do?
I have to counter the music in it.
So I have to like, because there's music full-blown in it.
So?
Okay.
You have hurt me today.
Hey, Gavin, Ryan, love your show.
I'm confident you've seen this before, but sometimes it's good to have a refresher.
Seems timely.
It's about a four-minute gig.
Chris Rock, How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police.
Yeah, we've seen that before.
Thank you, Elizabeth, for showing us something we've all seen a million times.
Hey, Gabarino, in episode 162, you showed a video of two cops from Canada forming someone.
I'm a paramedic in Alberta and I...
What's forming?
Isn't that what sex is when you're married?
Were they made of clay?
Were they sculpting them?
Can you read your letters before you send them to us?
I'm a paramedic in Alberta, and I have to...
I'm not sure if what those cops did was actually legal.
A Form 10 or a Form 2 is an order under the Mental Health Act.
It allows you to hold someone for 24 hours against their will, pending assessment by a physician in regards to patients' mental state.
Usually you can only form somebody.
What is he talking about?
Those forms he had, remember?
That were passed down.
Usually you can only form somebody if they have intentions to harm themselves or intent to harm others or if they're a danger to themselves.
I understand that Canada was never a free country, but if peacefully protesting is now considered a danger to yourself and others, then I shudder to think where we'll be in 10 years.
Maybe it's the booze talking, but I kind of thought, and this isn't very liberty, but if someone's going to kill themselves, we send police over for a wellness check.
If you're on a hunger strike, aren't you trying to kill yourself?
No, it's your right.
Sorry.
But the law says harm to yourself and others.
That's a hunger strike is harm to yourself.
So aren't they just following the law?
I think it does fall under.
Where's this little cuff to happen?
Here's a rapper I think is very attractive.
I'd give her a 7.8.
I'm going to say that's pretty accurate.
Perfect amount of fat.
Yep, 7.8.
She should make a rock band called Thin Lizzo.
Not bad.
This is from Levi.
Oh, no makeup they put attitude.
Oh, wow.
Total fucking smoke show.
It's very Hawaiian, right?
Sure.
Like that cartoon.
Lilo and Stitcher Moana.
Isn't it funny how I talk about something adult, like a book, Albion Seed or something, and you never have any idea.
The second I mention anything kid, you're like, oh yeah, that's when Super Grover had a fight with Elmo, and they didn't speak until Big Bird made them be friends again.
Just want to let you guys know I looked up historical temps for Waco during the timeframe of the events.
Thank you, sir.
April 19th, the last day, it was 74.
March 16th, the midpoint, it was 66.
I don't think I could wear a sweater at 66.
I think I'd start having a panic attack.
By the way, in case you're not familiar, we were totally distracted in that awesome Netflix series, Waco, by the V-neck sweaters that are crowbarred into every scene.
I think the stylist spent her entire budget on V-neck sweaters and had to put a different one in every fucking shot.
And you don't wear sweaters in Texas ever.
They're not basing that off of the footage, right?
Or the real people?
Shut up.
February 28th, day one, it was 54.
Even 54 is too...
And I was riding my motorcycle on the highway.
My hands got a little chilly, but I had my t-shirt.
I wasn't wearing this.
I'm wearing this because it's the last day of Brooks Brothers Week.
And I felt cool air on my t-shirt.
That's a motorcycle, which lowers the temperature by like 10.
I don't think the sweaters are historically accurate.
Thank you, Levi.
Are you an Indian?
American Indian?
I've only ever met Indian Levi's.
Hey guy, I thought you would enjoy this video of a guy destroying a Toronto cop car while the female officer does fuck all.
The confrontation tases him and runs away.
The confrontation ends when a male cop arrives and takes the guy down with ease.
Just another example of how totally useless female cops are.
We don't call them female cops anymore.
They are human radios.
Right.
Exactly.
Can somebody film this?
Yeah.
Look at that.
Give her a gun or don't give her a badge.
Look at how useless she is.
By the way, he's been brainwashed by all this propaganda.
So he's.
The propaganda has put his life in danger.
Because if that cop was armed, they would be justified in shooting him.
Thanks for helping out, lady.
Oh, no.
You almost hit her with that freaking.
Just run, lady.
Nobody wants you to come.
Thanks for helping out.
Thanks for coming out.
Drive away, buddy.
But she didn't have a taser on her at the time.
Now she's finally got her.
Oh.
It's a taser.
Yeah, yeah.
This reminds me of European cops.
Oh, you got a lot of angles on this.
Hi, I'm a man.
I have good upper body.
What are you doing?
It's coming to an end there.
Oh, we don't get to see it?
Oh, there you go.
And boom.
And look at her strut over after she takes him down.
Thanks.
That was a great clip, Nick.
Dear Gav and the fag.
I don't get it.
I was watching episode 162 from Tuesday at 148 in which you rate girls with perfect chub.
Ryan complains because she has nipple knees and quote-unquote looks degenerate on an album cover.
He is spiritually female.
And it continues to astound me.
Yeah, he calls his apartment the fag zone.
I've never called it zone.
That should be the first tip.
It's not anything I've ever said.
This is from Joshua.
I just finished Death of the West.
It's crazy how it seems more pertinent now than in 2001.
Which book from Milo's America First do you think would be best to read after the Death of the West?
Heels, Sunglasses?
I think the best book is a book I'm reading right now, and it's called Warning to the West.
And it is by the guy who did the Gulag Archipelago, Alexander Solzhenitsyn.
Solzhenitsyn.
It's just a collection of his speeches transcribed.
It's just a thin little book.
It's a fun read.
And then maybe Mark Stein?
What's a good Mark Stein book?
I find Mark Stein pretty dense.
Maybe Mark Stein America Alone.
Or After America.
Those are good ones.
And then you can join me in reading Albion Seed, which I haven't been doing a very good job at.
I've been getting so drunk at night that I usually pass out by 10 p.m. and don't remember anything.
Oh, when you read, you don't remember what you read.
Oh, that stinks, yeah.
This is from William.
Hello, Gav, Monesti.
That's Quebecoa for hello, Gav, my, well, it means the host, but it basically means fuck.
It basically means, hey, Gav, you fucker.
I like when you talk about movies and TV shows and when you give us your non-political opinions about general culture.
Another way of changing people, other than implicitly telling them to do what to do or swearing at them for doing something wrong, like you do with Ryan, is recommending TV shows, books, and movies that would improve their personalities and increase their IQ.
These would not necessarily be about politics or the culture wars.
Would love a weekly show.
Also, could you talk about the Ricky Gervais show on air?
C'est d'rol on tabarnak.
And can I get a job on your show?
No and no.
Uh, coolman.
Kuhlman.
You've told the story of Albert Hammond Jr. and the strokes a million times.
It's one of your quote-unquote hits.
During that time, did you ever run into Ryan Adams?
They say he hung with the strokes and he actually got Albert hooked on heroin.
Yeah, I did hear that.
No, I've never met him.
But I did hear he was a real fucker with that.
And by the way, if you introduce people to heroin and they die, you're a mass murderer.
Corey B. Horrible attempt at proving racism.
Supposedly, this is a good representation to prove racism killed, armed robbery, or whatever that copper thief's name is.
Thoughts?
Keep up the good work.
An episode of Cops.
I'm running with the TV.
Someone's gonna stop me now for sure.
Because if not, what was the problem with the mod?
Oh, hey, hey.
All right, I figured it out.
I got my hat on backwards.
I'm shirtless.
Like I'm on some episode of Cops.
I'm running with the TV.
Someone's gonna stop me now for sure.
Because if not.
There had been repeated break-ins at that construction site.
A. Michael, Greg McNeil, whatever his name was, McMichael, recognized the perp because he'd arrested him before for bringing an illegal gun to school.
And we noticed patterns.
Generally, when you see, you don't see white people running with TVs.
When you see blacks running with TVs, a disproportionate number of them have stolen said TV.
They are overrepresented in petty crime.
Oh, look, here I am.
Just, I'm here to help an old lady.
Again, we know the Ahmed Arbery thing is bullshit and people are clinging to this stupid narrative that he was jogging.
But the real question we need to crack as a team is why?
Why does that guy want it to be an example of racism?
That's what I might spend the rest of my life trying to figure out.
It keeps going to a whole other thing?
What's the other thing?
Crap.
Keep going.
Who's that chief in the t-shirt thing?
This guy.
Politician.
What is this?
It's the very people you'd think.
Politicians, the ultra-rich.
Ooh, the ultra-rich.
I hate the ultra-rich.
Media mobile.
Monarchs?
Hi, I'm Sean Morrow, the host of WhoIS the Podcast, the first podcast from Now This and iHeartRadio.
On Who Is, I'll dive deep into the fascinating lives of the people who run things.
The globalists, you mean George Soros, where you'll be raking him over the coals?
How did they get where they are today?
And knowing that, what might they do next?
How do they use all this power they've accumulated?
Boy, if there's one thing I love, it's being lectured by a 21-year-old about life and the power structure of the political system.
Can you tell me about Jared Kushner, please?
Can you tell me about globalism and free trade?
Please.
I love listening to children tell me about the world.
Jake.
Gavin, is it in essence or is it in a sense?
It's in a sense.
Also, here's a very well-known lone gummon clip with spooky 9-11 foreshadowing that retard Ryan couldn't find last week.
Love you, Ryan, but fuck guy, eh?
It's like four minutes, but I'm pretty sure you get a kick out of it.
It's beyond weird.
Hope you guys are doing good, and I want to suck you with my funglasses.
No homos.
If some terrorist group wants to act out this scenario, why target you for assassination?
Depends on who your terrorists are.
Well, we'd already had the World Trade Center attacked, right?
...to commit a terrorist act against a domestic airline.
There you go.
Inditing the entire government, as usual, to faction.
A small faction for what possible gain?
The Cold War is over, Jesus.
But there's no clear space against the arms market factors.
But bring down a fully loaded 727 to the middle of New York City, and you'll find a dozen tin past dictators all over the world just climbing to take responsibility.
Begging to be smart.
I can't believe this.
This is about increasing arms sales.
When?
Tonight.
How are you going to do it?
It's interesting.
Thank you.
That's what it looks like.
This is from Joe, the old firm Casuals, Perry Boy's official video.
I know this is five years old, but will they come for Lars next?
I know this is five years old, but will they come for Lars next?
You know what's weird?
I like Lars Fredrickson a lot, but he has like his Lars Fredrickson and the Bastards, and those songs are all fucking epic.
And then he has these songs that are just sort of mediocre.
I think What's His Name wrote all the songs for that?
All I want to do is fight.
Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.
It's like Courtney Love, when she was with Kurt Cobain, she had all these Olympia, awesome songs, and then after he died, she just was a mediocre musician.
Tim, what's his name from Rancid?
Of course you don't know.
It's not related to Elmo.
Tim Armstrong?
Yeah, Tim Armstrong.
Tim Armstrong has one of those one in a million abilities to just start pumping out hits.
And after he's got like $10 million in the bank, he's like, hey, dude, I'll write you some hits.
just put your name on him.
Fred Perrys are incredibly common, dude.
What are you talking about?
Go to the streets?
All right.
Brock Tease.
But it is funny how I remember when the Proud Boys began, I kept getting asked by journalists, why did you choose a shirt that is so quickly associated with Nazi skins?
Like, it isn't.
Ever heard of Mods?
Ever heard of the streets?
Ever heard of Amy Winehouse?
I mean, what are you talking about?
It's just like a British geezer shirt.
And they never said that to the streets when he started wearing it.
They just had to crowbar it in.
First off, Gavin is right.
Ryan is wrong.
Agreed.
That's what living in the fag zone will do.
It makes you always wrong.
Just about everything?
Ryan, until you own a car or anything that is an engine, don't give advice to people that have those things.
Ryan's mom was doing it right.
If you talk to a mechanic, they will tell you not to let your tank go below half.
If you go to empty, your fuel pump will go out sooner, which is about $1,400 to fix.
The other reason is emergencies, like getting stuck in the snow or stranded somewhere.
You now have a heat slash AC for more time.
Your parents, mine, are doing it the worst way possible.
They will spend more money on repairs because they are more likely to ruin the fuel pump.
That reminds me, my motorcycle's idling really loud.
I think it's a pretty simple fix.
That's what's so cool about YouTube.
You go, hey, when I indicate right on my motorcycle, it goes hazards.
It doesn't go right or left.
YouTube it, boom, video right there shows you exactly what to do.
Hey, I'm on the highway.
Not on the highway, sorry, but I'm during that funeral procession.
I'm stuck at a red light.
I Google how to fix the idling on a Triumph Bonneville.
Bloop, there's a video.
Look at this cringe.
I was driving by this house in my work truck and spotted this gem.
Keep up the fantastic work.
Scientists, doctors, nurses, first responders, fuck off.
They're really ruining their job.
This is like when the FDNY does that sexy calendar.
I just go, guys, the role of a doctor, an ER guy, a cop, a fireman is to be stoic.
That's what I love about baseball.
They get a fucking home run.
They don't do a stupid little dance in the end zone.
They just run the field in a normal way to continue the game.
They run the bases, walk off home plate, get some high fives, that's it.
There's no like, yeah, fucking, I rock.
Okay, this is the last one.
With all this spending, $1.8 trillion ongoing from the federal government, I have total disgust for both political parties, especially democratic socialism.
I consider myself a fiscal conservative, minimal government influence, spending, blah, blah, blah.
I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
What I see in the bureaucrats' mindset in this time of crisis, they are leaning into Keynesian economics.
Keynesian economics argued that an interventionist government could help smooth out recessions by using fiscal policy to prop up aggregate demand.
I disagree.
What are your Thoughts on how the government should have dealt with the pandemic in terms of fiscal policy?
What consequences will unfold in the future?
Stagnation, higher taxes, inflation?
What are your thoughts on Milton Friedman?
I think he was a brilliant man.
I love the show.
I'd love to hear more and see more interviews as you did in the past, like Charles C. Johnson, Matt Welsh, Kat Tempt, Telief Strux, and the best, KT McFarland.
Thanks.
Also, the drawings Gavin makes on air should be sold to your viewers.
Yeah, I guess I'll start selling those drawings and donate the money to justiceforliberty.com.
We'll get on that.
Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing.
I should set, so there's websites you can do charity auctions, right?
Yep.
I guarantee you I will get booted for trying to raise money for little black kids.
What was I going to say, though?
Oh, yeah.
The answer to your question is the government is incapable of anything.
I don't want them involved in anything but keeping us safe with police force, not even fire departments, police force and military, enforcing the borders, ICE, just our safety.
That's it.
I want to privatize education, privatize the energy sector.
As John Stossel says, I'll give you a thousand bucks for everything you can show me that the government does better than the private market.
Oh yeah, you hate roads?
Dude, it costs me 20 bucks to go upstate and back with all these tolls.
The roads are already privatized.
So stop talking about roads and healthcare?
Yeah, you had an argument when we were a normal country, but with an obesity epidemic and 30 million illegals, there's just too much abuse going on to have free Medicare.
So no, not even that.
All right, let's end the show with some fun stuff.
We like to end it with a kooky video.
I'm sorry this show is late.
I was at a funeral.
First of all, 2-1.
this looks really fucking fun and it must feel like what it feels like to be Superman.
How do they film this?
Whoa!
I don't understand how you film this.
A drone?
I don't know if a drone could follow a person that quick.
There's got to be maybe some sort of thing hanging from the overall thing.
But you don't see it and there's no, like, there's no thing going from his helmet to a camera.
Right.
But when he drops, it like kind of drops too.
does like a bound like right there I'm confused.
That must be so fun.
I want to do that.
Reverse bungee jumping.
Yeah, and after you do the initial thing, you're just weightless.
Yeah.
Cannot figure out how that was filmed.
If that guy was using a drone, we need him in the military stat.
Here's a thing that's going around.
They say Jeff Goldblum lookalike.
I don't really see it, but it was two ex-Marines and some drunk guy with no shirt on said something rapey about the other guy's wife.
So he said, let's fight.
This is the way life should be.
Mutual combat.
Don't call the cops.
Don't sue anyone.
This is a great fight.
Don't tall guys have reach.
I hate fighting tall guys.
I can never get to their fucking head.
Boom, boom.
Great use of a kick.
I've never seen so much kicking in a fight.
And then a roundhouse kick, and then some punches.
You're done.
You're done.
So now he's having trouble recovering.
And then...
You told him, like, just stay right there.
He, like, preps him for it.
I love that.
I love a rib kick.
I hate when they catch a criminal robbing them and they punch him in the face a bunch of times and throw him around.
He's going to be fine in like a day.
You break someone's ribs like six weeks.
You can't sneeze.
You can't laugh.
You need help getting out of bed.
If someone robs my store, I'm not even going to punch them in the face.
I'm going to get them on the ground and just really destroy the ribs.
That will give them something to remember.
A face?
There's a skull in a face.
Oh, I have a black eye.
It looks cool.
Thanks a lot.
Ooh, I got a bloody nose.
Ooh, ooh, my nose is broken.
You reset it, boom.
So that's the guy who posted it.
Leo Senpai.
What does senpai mean, Nip?
Like daddy or master or something like that?
Isn't that sensei?
Did you notice me, senpai?
I know it contextually, but not necessarily.
He's got a bunch of tweets of this fight because it went viral.
That was such a good move.
Oh, my God.
Great fighting, sir.
Okay, go back.
I don't care.
But let's see.
Someone added music to it.
Oh yeah, another angle.
We're on the bench.
We're on the bench.
That's how equipped everyone is with phones now.
Anything goes on, and there's three angles.
Open your window, dickhead.
Did your window not open?
This is terrible.
Scroll down.
Someone had a music.
That's round two.
What?
Round two?
The guy's got a weapon.
Now he's using his shirt against him.
He said he was going to call the coffee.
Oh, now he's got the stick.
Adina, your car.
Okay, is there round three?
Man, the myth, the fucking legend.
He wants a picture with you.
No.
The man.
Oh, that's him?
Yeah.
Just smoking a cig.
But is there one with music to it?
Let's run.
Run.
Finish him.
So GoFundMe for the GoBloom Doppelganger.
Why?
What does he deserve money for?
I don't know.
Jesus, they're raising money for Alex so they can send his body back to Mexico so he can be buried with his father.
This guy doesn't deserve $2,000 for winning a fight.
Or a SoundCloud rap.
Oh, they made a song about him?
I saw one that had added funny music to it.
What are you doing, Rygai?
We're about to end the show.
We want to end on a funny note.
Here's where we were.
Here's where we were.
Oh, it sucks.
It had sound effects.
here it improves I don't think he hit him with that crazy kick.
Not even a little bit in the draw.
I kept rewinding it.
I thought I saw some drawings.
They're both ex-Marines.
*laughs*
Oh, I need a break.
You don't get breaks in fights, do you?
Oh, you'll get a break, all right.
Yeah, you get a fracture.
Boom!
That's the funniest rib kick I've ever seen.
With a Nike free run where it's the rib to song.
Boom.
All right, that's enough.
Hold this.
Test your might.
Test your might.
Everyone loves a good fight.
I hate the police.
No sound effects on that one.
Boo.
Is that the Street Fighter?
yeah i think it is You can't be sounding.
Come on, dude.
Jeez.
With sound effects.
I have this video game.
Stand up.
That's enough.
That's enough.
It's not.
Handle it yourself.
Don't call the police.
Don't sue.
Don't look to authority figures to solve your problems.
You guys have beef.
Settle it like men.
If you have beef at work, settle it there.
I don't care what the boss says.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
and never stop fighting.
And you don't see this every day.
The tall, skinny, lanky version of Jeff Goldblum in the movie Jurassic Park facing off against a man who thinks it's cool to get the devil tattooed to the front of his forehead.
And let's see, the fight begins.
Quick punches being exchanged, and Jeff is in the lead.
Big kick.
Didn't expect that.
And a roundhouse kick up against the car.
And now he's beating the shit out of him.
Wow.
And he's wondering if he should go in for more.
It seems he threw in the white flag, but Jeff doesn't give a fuck.
And now both men must go with their tails between their legs back to their wives and explain how this happened randomly on a Thursday afternoon.
Back to you, Peter.
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