Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E160 - BE A MAN [2020-05-06 - S02E160 - BE A MAN]

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May 6, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:39:10

S02E160 - BE A MAN [2020-05-06 - S02E160 - BE A MAN]

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	Fontaine's DC DC standing for Dublin City Life Fate Always Empty Life Fate Always Empty There you get the idea.
	I think we've had them on the show as an intro song before.
	They sound like Art Brute, which is another cool band.
	They're named after Johnny Fontaine from The Godfather, and they couldn't be called Fontaine, even though they spelled it differently, because someone else is called Fontaine.
	Everything's taken.
	Like, that's why we had to go with censored.tv.
	Every .com is gone.
	Even, I think we had free speechlive.com.
	How do you possibly come up with a name of a company now that is not taken?
	That's why that phone-friendly new TV that everyone, all the kids are into, Quibbid, is the only thing you can do, Quibbid.
	Speaking of Timid, no, that's not fair.
	I've actually noticed when I was at Williams, Colonial Williamsburg, there was a name of some company, and it was like a draft beer company.
	Not draft beer, a craft beer company.
	It was called something like Timid or Hesitant or something like that.
	We've used up all the cool words.
	Now we're just scared.com.
	That's probably taken.
	You're going to have to, like annoying.com is going to be the name of your company.
	I bet that's taken.
	Anyway, do you remember Johnny Fontaine?
	That's the first link I've sent you.
	Second link I sent you.
	Why does my nose become itchy the second you press record?
	It's a nervous tick.
	I don't know what to do.
	You can act like a man!
	What's the matter with you?
	Want to slap this?
	Is this how you turn down a Hollywood spinocular that cries like a woman?
	Can you just pause?
	What if Marlon Brando said, hey, I really appreciate this role.
	I'm going to put cotton balls in my mouth.
	I would go, what?
	No.
	Sounds like you don't appreciate this role.
	Yeah, fuck you.
	Are you making fun of me?
	No, I look, look, look, look.
	You got a little man.
	I can't hear you.
	Don't do that.
	Why are you putting cotton balls?
	You're fired.
	But it works.
	It's like teenage meeting ninja turtles.
	I would have said no.
	You were right.
	was wrong.
	You spend time with your family?
	Sure, I do.
	I love that line.
	Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
	He'll never be a real man.
	That's the theme of today's show.
	Real men.
	Be a man.
	You look terrible.
	I said he.
	Anyway, that's enough.
	A lot of gifts in the mail today.
	America Bourbon.
	New sponsor.
	Looking forward to trying it.
	They sent us.
	Is this cup theirs too?
	Yeah.
	They got a fun little cup.
	This is good for the pandemic, going for a walk in the park.
	Although that's a lot of booze.
	I don't know what's going on with my diet, by the way.
	I tried quitting Makers, so I quit it Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
	Nightmares persist.
	Nightmares all night.
	They're getting better, too.
	I think it's because I've been watching a lot of movies, but my nightmares are, I'll wake up and go, that would be a cool movie.
	Like I had one last night where this disgusting golem type guy was chasing, not really me.
	So I was kind of watching a movie.
	It was a protagonist and a girl.
	And they were having a nice relationship, a beautiful relationship.
	And this disgusting golem was, oh, and they would beat him and pound him.
	And the guy would fuck him up.
	And he keeps showing up, trying to break them apart.
	And then, halfway through the nightmare, you realize that's not a golem.
	That's how you see him.
	It had a fight club twist.
	And the couple were being harassed by a normal guy, and they were the depraved ones.
	So then I woke up and I started punching up the script.
	And I go, okay, they're meth heads, right?
	And it's a handsome guy, beautiful woman, and they're attacked by this golem and they just want to be together.
	It's kind of science fiction-y.
	And then in the middle of the movie, we switch it and you see what's really going on.
	And the golem is just like a normal guy who's not that attractive.
	So like a Steve Bessemi guy.
	He's the brother of the girl.
	He's trying to break them up because they're meth heads.
	They're hallucinating.
	It's like a great Twilight Zone.
	And we had this handsome guy play.
	I like how I go handsome and I have a mustache.
	We have this handsome guy play the protagonist and a beautiful woman play the protagonist.
	But after the revelation, when we see it's not Gollum, the girl is like, she's a girl, like a white girl with a plain face that we can really play with.
	Like Charlize Theron is perfect because you can make her a nine, but then in Monster, you can make her a four.
	So we do the same with the man.
	He's like an eight and we make him a five.
	And we have the actress put on weight for the rule, the second part of the movie.
	Now, I have two holes in the plot I got to fill.
	One is if the brother really cared about them, he'd let them get arrested.
	That's the best way to get clean.
	That's what saved Artie Lang was getting arrested.
	So why would he be trying to not get them in jail and break them up?
	Maybe.
	Yeah, because if you're the brother, you go, just get them fucking arrested.
	I'm sick of these two.
	And then I wanted to have a romantic ending at the end.
	And if you're a mess head, you shouldn't.
	Oh, maybe that.
	No, the second thing is good, because they get back together at the end, right?
	They've been cured.
	They go to rehab or whatever.
	Yeah, maybe they go to rehab and that's where we slowly learn that the guy's Gollum.
	He's not Gollum.
	That they start getting clearer pictures.
	They start seeing him.
	Yeah, as he comes to visit.
	Like he, Gollum, throws them in prison.
	And then you realize it's not a prison, it's rehab, and they slowly get better.
	And then at the end of the movie, they're back together.
	It's super romantic.
	And they both look almost as good as they did at the beginning of the movie.
	So now Charlie's throne is like a seven.
	And they're happy, and Steve Bussemi's happy, and everyone's happy.
	And they're in Hawaii, and they go by an alleyway, and there's a drug dealer, and you see the couple walk into the alleyway.
	They're relapsing back on the meth.
	And it's a super handsome guy that's selling them the meth, but really he looks like a golem.
	No, you have to be on meth to have these hallucinations.
	You will not be my writing partner on this hit.
	But the temptation makes them see him as handsome.
	No, no, you're on meth.
	When you're on meth, you hallucinate.
	I know a chick who was on meth, and she drove from Minneapolis to Madison.
	I forget how long that is.
	I think it's like three hours.
	And there were these people talking shit about her the whole time in the back seat.
	Oh, yeah.
	And when she finally pulls into her driveway, she goes, will the two of you just fuck off?
	And there was nobody there.
	What are you doing with your goddamn fucking hair, you faggot?
	None of your business.
	On the Be a Man episode, you're primping and preening.
	Yeah, I got a lot of this stuff.
	I just parlored this, by the way, and said, what's with the beards?
	I've always had this, but Justin Trudeau has a big beard now, and he's all disheveled because he can't.
	Meanwhile, he has a whole staff.
	He's got nannies and maids and everything.
	What's with the beard?
	Is it like you saying that you have camaraderie with the rest of us?
	No, show pandemic beard.
	That's like a sexy beard he grew on his own.
	Did he have the beard before the pandemic?
	I saw this picture of him with like, he looked like Steve Bannon with two collars and he was going, uh, uh.
	You have clippers at home, do you not?
	You can get a razor at the fucking store at CVS.
	What are you doing?
	There's them with his beard.
	Why do you have to have a beard?
	Eurotech sent us some stuff.
	We got some cool t-shirts.
	We will be going over there soon to shoot our car show.
	I know I keep talking about it, but we're not allowed to leave.
	A little keychain.
	Look at this fun glass to help my addiction.
	This is my mess.
	I wonder if you can put this in the dishwasher.
	I don't think I'm going to.
	Maybe you take this off.
	Oh, I just broke it.
	Why would you do that?
	Great.
	Well, because it's going to melt in the dishwasher.
	You don't have to put that in the dishwasher.
	You can just clean the glass.
	Oh, thanks.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	Sheesh.
	I had no idea.
	Hey, Gavin, Ryan, thanks for having me on the show.
	Been watching for years.
	Best part was the green screen intercourse.
	Too fucking funny.
	Let me just get out my phone and ask what the green screen intercourse was.
	Ready?
	This is our new thing.
	Voice call.
	You son of a bitch.
	No one answers their phone.
	I don't answer my phone.
	I don't even know how to answer my phone.
	It doesn't ring.
	I just see voicemail.
	I can be on my phone and find out.
	Hey, Chris.
	What's up, man?
	Just got your note.
	Thanks, man.
	That's great.
	But what is green screen intercourse?
	You don't remember it?
	No.
	Oh, it's when you had that like stripper hot chick with giant tits and she was on the green screen.
	Oh, like five years ago, or many years ago.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Back in the day.
	Okay, thank you.
	We're on the show.
	We got to go.
	All right, man, too.
	Yes.
	Mercedes, when we had her nude.
	And then we had a hole.
	And we managed to have green screen sex on my show, which I actually got a boner at.
	We had to stop doing.
	I wrote her a letter yesterday.
	And what do you write with someone with charges that include child porn?
	I just sort of wrote, what the fuck?
	Is this true?
	And of course, no one who's guilty is going to write you back and say, yeah, it's true.
	But something fishy is going on here.
	That's true.
	Because I know her and she's a great person.
	There's no way she did all that shit.
	Anyway, did we say this sponsor already, America?
	Nope.
	Feels nice.
	I hope it's sweet.
	Every time I get a booze that they tell me is as sweet as Maker's, I always drink it and go, no, it's not.
	But we'll keep you posted on this.
	Yeah, I might as well.
	What if I just hit it and go...
	You can take a little sample.
	Okay, let's do a little sample.
	This doesn't make for very good TV.
	God, I took out the recycling this morning.
	There were so many bottles in there and Budweiser cans.
	I was embarrassed.
	I actually got out the recycling about an hour before the truck came.
	How many of us are doing that?
	Waiting until they can hear the truck and then running out?
	I don't like people knowing my business.
	I don't like people knowing my business.
	I prefer the music of single moms and their new boyfriends.
	Jeez.
	Ooh.
	Ooh, that's good.
	It's almost scotchy.
	Really smoky.
	That's not that sweet.
	I like it.
	It's like, it reminds me of Tullamore Dew, like an Irish whiskey.
	But it's America's finest bourbon made with pure American grains.
	Nice stuff, America.
	Really good.
	Tastes scotchy, right?
	Yeah.
	Smokey.
	Smokey.
	All right, let's get started.
	Important news.
	Before we, by the way, this is the Be a Man show.
	Be a Real Man.
	And I want to talk about Jimmy Kimmel and Howard Stern and how they used to be an inspiration.
	They were so dangerous.
	And now they're fucking faggots.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	But before we get to that, let's cover a few newsy pieces.
	I thought this was interesting.
	So, in the New York Post, which is just COVID, COVID, COVID.
	That's why I've not been bringing it in.
	Adele had a little birthday thing.
	Adele was dying, right?
	Now she lost a lot of weight.
	She looks more attractive now.
	A big part of beauty is, can I breed with you?
	Will you live if we get married?
	Junkies aren't attractive because they're dying.
	Food addicts are not attractive because they're dying.
	But if you go back to that article, look, you can see it was written by a woman, Francesca Bacardi.
	Women don't make for good writers because just like they're not great at being hilarious because they're not mean, they're too nice, they don't report the news well.
	A major part of this story is that there was backlash against her for being fat.
	No, go back to the article, please.
	And if you look at all the quotes that Francesca chose, it's, I mean, are you kidding me?
	Tegan commented.
	You are truly our angel.
	And why you won.
	Why you won?
	Little rapper Lil Naz X wrote.
	What the fuck does that mean?
	Why you won?
	I guess it's urban slang.
	And Francesca fails to mention the massive backlash against Adele.
	Why are you skipping over that, Francesca?
	Because it's uncomfortable?
	Yeah, the news is uncomfortable.
	We're in a pandemic.
	You shouldn't be reporting the truth if you can't handle the truth.
	The truth is ugly.
	I like the ugliness.
	There is not a truth existing that I fear or would not want known to the whole world.
	Sorry.
	Hey, if we didn't have any racial parameters for university applications, McGill, Harvard, Yale would probably be about 90% Asian.
	I don't give a shit.
	That's the truth.
	We shouldn't be trying to force some different thing.
	Basketball is predominantly black.
	I don't fucking care.
	Let it be.
	Anyway, here's the real story that Twitter is better at reporting.
	Twitter is a robot algorithm that accrues patterns and it's better than women at reporting.
	Look at this first one.
	Katie Meehan, can we please not celebrate Adele for being, for losing weight like it's the ultimate achievement?
	The news articles and tweets are disgusting.
	So it's disgusting now to say you're not dying.
	And look at this woman, by the way.
	She is an authority because she's disfigured.
	You can't really see it in that picture, but her jaw hangs down like a Jay Leno cartoon.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	So she's allowed to say that shit because again, fear of confrontation.
	No one wants to contradict a disfigured person.
	Whatever you want, which is kind of the way they talk to blacks and the way they treat blacks.
	They treat them like they're disfigured.
	And that's what I resent.
	I hope I get this across on the show.
	Last night I was watching TV and I was on channel 887 and it was Blind Date with Fox.
	What's his name?
	Jamie Fox and one of the Wayans, right?
	And there's a scene in it where there's a bodega.
	The bodega, you can tell this is written by black people because it's totally insensitive.
	And the bodega is run by two Indians.
	One's played by an Indian.
	The other has a turban on.
	Oh my gosh, what are you doing today, buddy?
	Like it's that over the top and not even that good.
	Like I just did a way better job.
	Anyway, some white dude, typical white dude, give me all your money and is robbing the store, the bodega.
	Why aren't you looking at bodega scene blind date, you goddamn motherfucking retard?
	What were you just doing there?
	I noticed something about the chins of somebody else who said, I said.
	Yeah, we'll get to that.
	That's next.
	Like, why are you just sort of enjoying watching?
	You're not watching this show.
	You're in it.
	You're driving the boat.
	Stop looking at the scenery.
	Blind date, robbery scene.
	Anyway, oh, fuck.
	Jamie Foxx, Damon Wayans, movie.
	Anyway, the white guy shows up and he says to the, oh my gosh, what are we doing, Buster Brown?
	He goes to rob the store.
	They run up and knock out the white robber.
	Bang.
	Fuck you.
	I'm so sick of white guys coming into the hood and robbing our bodegas.
	What?
	Then I hit forward because I'm bored of that stupid movie.
	It's Nickelodeon levels.
	It's basically a teletopic.
	Thanks for showing us the homepage there, Ryan.
	Oh, it froze.
	And I go one channel up, and one minute later, channel 888 is Panic Room, where we have two white guys, and I'll give you this, a black guy, Forrest Whitaker.
	Two white guys and a black guy robbing a white family as they're want to do.
	And these evil white guys have no scruples and they want to kill everyone.
	Forrest Whitaker was one of the thieves, but he comes back at the end of the movie, even though he could have escaped, and kills one of the white guys because he was going to hurt them.
	And he didn't want anyone hurt.
	In fact, I think they were just robbing that couple for drug money, but I think he was robbing them so his daughter could go to a nice school.
	Because that's usually the impetus for black thievery.
	Anyway, you don't got it.
	Is that the movie?
	Is that the name of the movie, Blind Date?
	Yeah.
	I'm pretty sure.
	1997, I believe.
	Why are you so terrible at this?
	Is it called Wanda's Blind Date?
	Wanda's Blind Date?
	No.
	Oh, sorry.
	I'm wrong.
	You're right.
	Embarrassing.
	I apologize to Ryan on this show.
	That's great.
	I was breaking your balls.
	Thank you.
	It's called Booty Call.
	Booty Call.
	Oh, I remember Booty Call.
	It's like a sex date.
	Lots of talk about fucking, but the comedy level is for an infant.
	Yeah, there it is.
	Y'all got anything cheaper than this?
	Well, that's the 300.
	The 100 is back there on the shelf.
	Back there on the shelf.
	What are you a southern seek?
	I don't trust those boys.
	my God, you know what I think, Ahmed?
	I think that that girl was the judge's fuzzy temptress.
	Furry Temptress.
	What is the difference?
	What is the difference?
	You don't know the difference between fuzzy and whatever that is.
	Aren't you sick of walking around Brooklyn, East New York, and these goddamn white pieces of shit go into the hood and pull guns?
	I wouldn't be surprised if this has never happened.
	Or at least, like, East New York and Brooklyn have changed.
	They used to be whiter.
	They used to be more middle class, up and down, up and down.
	But as far as this current model of Brooklyn, the idea of a white dude going into, the idea of a white dude going to East New York is weird.
	We used to drive around it in my buddy's Merck blaring Metallica because hard rock in that neighborhood is unthinkable.
	And you'd be blaring Metallica and other metal and people would be stopping going, what the fuck is going on with that car?
	It's making a weird sound I've never heard before.
	What kind of car?
	The Mercury?
	Is that sure for Mercury?
	What's a Merck?
	Because I've heard you mention that before.
	Yeah, Mercedes.
	That is a Merck.
	Okay.
	So yeah, go back to the reaction to Adele and don't try to look up Mercedes because you've never heard of it before.
	Yeah, that's another one, that one you were just looking at.
	I see that Adele is trending because people are saying how gorgeous she is since she lost weight.
	Yes!
	That's what we're saying.
	That's what we're saying.
	Adele is more attractive since her fucking gunt isn't hanging over the front of her underpants.
	What?
	What?
	Adele is more attractive now that we can make out her facial shape and it's not just an inflated fucking inner tube around her neck.
	So what does this hideous cow say?
	She's also got jaw problems.
	Okay, look, lady, you're not less of a human being.
	You deserve the same rights as everyone.
	You're not going to do well in modeling.
	You shouldn't be a waitress, probably.
	You'll probably get less tips than a knockout.
	You shouldn't be a greeter at a restaurant, but we wish you nothing but the best.
	But I'm sorry, you're not attractive.
	Good audition to be zoomed.
	You're severely disfigured.
	And we live in a civilized society.
	In Costa Rica, by the way, in Central America, you'd be kept in the basement.
	People think of like Africa and other archaic cultures when they think of how we would treat the handicapped.
	Central America is real bad.
	I used to live in Costa Rica.
	They think that when you have a crippled child, it's God saying you suck.
	So they hide him in the basement because of the shame.
	So you're welcome that you're in the West, the civilized world.
	But you're not beautiful.
	Sorry.
	I'm not a male model either.
	So we can hang out together and kvetch about how unattractive we are.
	But Adele is more attractive since she lost weight.
	So what does she say, that fucking weird-looking Ziggy?
	I see that Adele's trending, by the way.
	Y'all, now she's like a hip dope chick.
	Now she's on a booty call.
	Y'all, we've been over this.
	Your weight doesn't determine your beauty.
	Your appearance doesn't determine your beauty.
	What?
	That's not true.
	You're going to pontificate.
	People like to see you pontificating.
	Okay, well, I can pontificate a small square until I finish reading the goddamn tweet.
	The number on the scale doesn't make you worthy or unworthy.
	What the fuck are you talking about?
	Did anyone say she's more worthy now?
	I'm saying it, but no one else was.
	Yeah, you're more worthy.
	I know, by the way, a guy who used to be Adele's photographer, and she fell madly in love with him, and he wasn't interested.
	And he pieced out of there because she's too fat.
	Sorry, she was too fat.
	And they could have got married.
	They could have had a wonderful life.
	So her obesity has already drastically altered her life.
	Now she looks fucking amazing.
	Is that malice?
	Hello?
	You don't think she looks better as Kevin James in a wig?
	Problem is, oh, is that ginger spice?
	Problem is, it's too late now.
	How old is Adele?
	Let's see.
	Here's the deal, ladies.
	20 to 25.
	What's this little lump here?
	20 to 25, everything's off the table.
	You're likely pretty good.
	I wouldn't worry about anything, really.
	32.
	25 to 30, time to find a man.
	Closer to 25, the better, because you can have the ideal number of kids, which is five.
	30, you're going to get traded in for a younger model.
	Better start being real careful about who you date.
	And then 35, bye.
	I remember my wife would have her friends over when we were like 40, and their friends would be all.
	So who are you going to hook me up with?
	One time one of our friends stayed with us at our place upstate, and we'd all been drinking, and I was drinking my honesty juice.
	And she said, so who are you going to hook me up with?
	And I just said, we'll call her Lucy.
	Lucy, your ship has sailed.
	No guys I know want to be with a 40-year-old woman.
	They might want to have kids.
	Even a 45-year-old man could get a 25-year-old woman.
	I'm not saying that's right, but that's just the way it is.
	Your ship has sailed.
	You waited too long.
	And inevitably, when I talk to these women, there's a proposal they turn down.
	They haven't been going like this.
	They've been sex in the citying for 20 years.
	And then they go, okay, I'm ready now.
	Well, you waited too long.
	All right, I have a new segment now I'm calling Tangentially COVID, where we don't talk about COVID, but there are some things weekly related, like that beard thing I was talking about.
	James O'Keefe just keeps fucking hitting it out of the park.
	How does he do this?
	I think he's autistic.
	We need more autistic males in news and less touchy-feely women.
	Just play this.
	You're 100% certain that CBS News, CBS News Corporation National, staged a fake event.
	They fake the news.
	They faked the reality and broadcasted that to all of their audience last Friday on CBS this morning.
	100%.
	Absolutely.
	Like, I know CNN is a PR firm for CNN, and I know CBS is corrupt and left-wing, but I kind of thought CBS was above CNN.
	I mean, 60 Minutes is a nightmare to watch, but at least they've been around for longer, but that's naive of me to think.
	So if you go to Project Veritas, they sign you up on this email newsletter, and they'll keep you updated.
	They haven't quite spilled the beans, but I think what's happening is they staged an anti-quarantine protest to create the news.
	And we've seen this before.
	Remember that news agency that was embedded with the KKK?
	And they said, can you go have a cross burning?
	And they go, we really don't really do that much anymore.
	And they go, well, we'll pay for it.
	So they brought the Klan.
	And when I say the Klan, I mean like seven guys to Home Depot and had them buy.
	Ryan is sitting here, by the way, as I tell this story.
	Instead of looking it up, he's going, it's crazy.
	Once again, he's watching the show he's on.
	Did Jennifer Anison watch friends while they were taping and laugh at Chandler's funny mannerisms?
	So they brought them to Home Depot, had them buy wood, make a cross, bought the rags, got the gas, set it up like this, yeah, yeah, like that.
	And had them do a cross burning so they could have it on their fucking show.
	This is the weird...
	Crossburning?
	CBS.
	Crossburning.
	I don't know if it was CBS.
	This is what you look up, Ryan.
	News agency staged crossburning.
	Like, you're so fucking literal.
	I talk about Ottawa hardcore and you go, Ottawa, hardcore.
	No, you look up Ottawa Punk Music Scene, 80s.
	This has been this guy's job forever.
	He's not good at it.
	This should not be your job.
	We should have a separate researcher.
	Maybe instead of getting a bigger studio, we should just get more staff.
	I have to be a little predictive, though.
	I got to understand, you know, when you want me to look stuff up.
	Sometimes I'll look stuff up.
	You're like, don't look that up.
	What are you doing?
	So I just want to know.
	If you say, look that up, like Joe Rogan.
	It doesn't take him any time.
	He just goes, look that up.
	So I have to say, look that up from now on.
	I mean.
	So we don't know exactly what happened, but it looks like they staged an anti-quarantine event to make people look bad.
	Holy fuck, what if they staged that fake roadblock?
	Ooh, what if they staged the doctors in scrubs in front of that roadblock in Michigan?
	Because when we got shown the map here, and I don't know, that wasn't a reliable source.
	It was just a mail email we got.
	But they showed the route not going near a ledge producer.
	There we go.
	Fake scenes and canceled.
	A ⁇ E did it.
	Isn't A ⁇ E Vice?
	Okay, these models are annoying.
	That makes a cool sound.
	A ⁇ E is like a TV station.
	Tiger King.
	Well, that is cool.
	That's more Jaguar.
	Isn't that a jungle?
	throws Thank you.
	Isn't that more Jaguar?
	Shut up.
	Please, Ryan, do me this one favor.
	When you're not sure of something, don't blurt it out.
	Like, you know about shitty music, guitars, the Bronx.
	When you are sure about something, then blurt it out.
	Okay, that's probably the same as a fucking tiger.
	It's the same as a lion.
	Also in the tangentially COVID news, please don't look it up anymore.
	1-4, look at Pennsylvania's, the head of their COVID-19 response.
	What happened there?
	Just like shoot off the screen.
	Dr. Rachel Levine.
	Hey, viewers at home, can you find me Rachel Levine before she was Rachel Levine?
	I think her name was Ronald or something.
	I can't find her anywhere, but she used to be, I feel so stupid saying she.
	Look at that guy.
	That's your dad's friend.
	That's your dad's ugly passive friend who sucks at golf.
	Why is he there?
	Anyway, he is a big trans doctor, trans activist, has a lot to say about trans.
	at this weird pig Now, I'm a very hopeful and optimistic person.
	And many people have asked me how I can remain hopeful.
	Is he even taking estrogen?
	Like you look at what's her name?
	The one we like.
	Jazz Jennings?
	Blair White.
	We don't like Jazz Jennings.
	We like Blair White.
	Like our friends.
	Or even Jazz Jennings.
	She sounds like a woman when she talks.
	This just sounds like my dad without a Scottish accent.
	Hopeful and optimistic when life is changing so quickly.
	Well, I'm an hopeful and optimistic person because of the fantastic health care professionals, first responders, and emergency medical services who are working tirelessly to make sure that Pennsylvanians are safe.
	You look like a clown.
	Because of our fantastic public servants under the leadership of Governor Tom Wolfe.
	I think we all have to keep a straight face with this.
	We're shipping services to all of our citizens in Pennsylvania.
	So I just saw Mrs. Deltfire.
	That was a comedy.
	This isn't a comedy?
	Okay, so I'm sorry.
	Get serious.
	And the Pennsylvania Emergency Management Agency, they are really working.
	Of course, no one can beat the head of the Quebeco.
	Look this up, Separatist Party.
	Manon, Manuel Manon, or something like that.
	She's got a mustache and huge tits.
	What the fuck's her name?
	Oh, yeah.
	I know what you're talking about.
	Quebec Separatist Party.
	Two M's.
	For this, you should look up Woman with Mustache Quebec.
	Politics.
	There we go.
	What the fuck is that mess?
	Like, right there above my head, he looks like a normal dude with long hair.
	But generally, this is the Quebec Separatist Party who got into power recently by saying, we promise not to try to separate.
	That's just our name.
	Manon Massé.
	Manon Masset.
	Fucking Manon Masset.
	Let's hear Manon Masset talk for a second.
	Any interviews avecle?
	Bon bélolo, c'est la grand chauz avec le separation in vafer tout que yes, we did it.
	Alors, dès demain matin, je reprendrai le bâton de pèlerin.
	Pour nos agriculteurs agriculteurs...
	At least he has a female voice.
	That might be a chick who took testosterone.
	That's where the mustache came in.
	I don't fucking know.
	They're saying boo to Ottawa because Ottawa's the problem.
	It's like saying, fuck you, DC.
	The gas?
	Yep.
	All right.
	Last political thing, one, five.
	I thought this was interesting.
	This woman put up this tweet saying, admitting, just like we were talking about yesterday, admitting that Biden raped her.
	And she says, Joe Biden could rape me in the middle of Fifth Avenue, and I would still vote for him before I would vote for Trump or Sanders.
	Now, my question to you is, what percentage of this is a joke?
	I'm leaning to zero.
	I mean, yes, she's aware of the humor.
	Yes, she's being hyperbolic.
	But let's get literal here.
	What if Joe Biden was drunk, they were drunk, he tackled her on the street, she said, Joe, get off me, please.
	And he raped her in the middle of the street.
	She went and was crying.
	The police said, you want to press charges?
	I think she would say no.
	And I think if someone went up to her and said, I know you don't feel like voting today, and maybe you can press charges after he's done his presidency, but do you want to vote for him?
	Because if you don't, it's a vote.
	It's a vote for Trump.
	And she went, I can't believe I made that joke on Twitter.
	I didn't know it was going to happen.
	Yeah, I'll vote.
	And she votes Biden.
	What do you think?
	What percentage of that is a joke?
	I'd say, to be fair, I think it's 80.
	She's telling people over and over again that it's a joke.
	I don't think it's because she regrets it.
	I think she thought that was funny.
	Really?
	She has as much forgiveness as if she's serious.
	Okay, let me rephrase it then.
	Maybe she's not aware of how much of a joke that was.
	Hey, lady, here's Joe Biden.
	Now he's going to rape you, and you don't get to vote for him.
	No, he's going to rape you and you still have to vote for him.
	Or he won't rape you and you have to vote for Trump.
	Or here's a better way.
	What about this?
	Four more years of Trump or Joe Biden rapes you and we get four years of Biden.
	I think she would choose the latter.
	100%.
	She'd be like, I sacrificed.
	Yeah, that's the other thing, too.
	I'm glad you mentioned that.
	I was going to mention that.
	She'd be such a hero.
	I took a penis bullet for this country.
	Yeah, headline.
	And I actually did enjoy it.
	My horniness died so you could live.
	Finally, I was thinking of another t-shirt.
	There's no link for this.
	Ted Cruz 2032.
	That's our new campaign here at censored.tv.
	Flags, pins, shirts.
	2032.
	Ted Cruz 2032.
	We know we're getting Trump for four more years.
	That's just a given.
	And also that comedian Brandon Walsh is going to have to eat a plate of dog shit because he said he would.
	So that's a fact.
	Now, unfortunately, in American history, we tend to go Democrat, Republican, Democrat, Republican, Democrat, Republican.
	It's also very rare that we switch midterm.
	So the odds are 90% that after Trump has done this, we're going to get some shitty fucking dem.
	And they're not sending their best.
	They better do better than Joe Biden because we're not even enjoying this.
	But they can basically put up anyone they want in 2024, right?
	They'll probably do like a chick.
	They might do Hillary.
	I don't know.
	But they'll probably do like Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, someone like that.
	And we'll tolerate that stupid bitch for eight years.
	Everyone will be so happy.
	A woman.
	They won't talk about her policy.
	So just talk about the fact that a woman is in charge.
	No, it won't be the one we like, the Hawaiian broad, Tulsi.
	And then we'll get our chance back in 2032.
	We will have already shown them that if they fuck with us, we unleash the hounds.
	So they'll say, okay, okay, take it easy this time.
	And we'll give them a civilized, non-street smart, non-New Yorker who has the Constitution memorized, Ted Cruz, and you'll really see what we can do when you don't make us play hardball.
	That is my theory.
	Ted Cruz 2032.
	All right.
	In the entertainment news, we watched a movie last night.
	Ryan came over and disrupted my home because I got him a bike.
	He's biking distance from my house.
	He refuses to fix it.
	So he took an Uber over to the house.
	It was very late.
	And that infests my home with Uber germs.
	And then he can't just leave immediately because Ubers take like 20 minutes now and they cancel all the time.
	So he comes upstairs.
	We have to talk in the kitchen.
	That wakes up my daughter.
	She has a bad dream.
	She's freaked out.
	Why are there voices?
	My wife has to go in, take care of her.
	Now my wife's up.
	Now my wife can't sleep.
	She's coughing.
	Now she's worried she has COVID.
	All because Ryan can't fix a bike.
	I bought him.
	Sheesh.
	Well, I'm going to fix it.
	Oh, okay.
	That's it.
	my own accord as it is mine and uh i don't might just take it back feel like there's you I mean, but sorry I didn't fix my bike fast enough.
	So you go into the bike.
	Now you have a problem.
	I solve it by getting you a bike.
	And then the problem persists.
	The weather just got good enough for me as a hot-blooded person who likes to ride bikes in nice weather to ride my bike.
	Let me just remind you folks at home that I said, dude, stop wasting money on Ubers.
	Here, I bought you a bike.
	It's like $150.
	Go get groceries now on your bike.
	And he goes, what?
	On my bike?
	How do they take on the bike?
	Dude, I had put him in a backpack.
	And he goes, eggs.
	All right, not just eggs.
	You have to see the yield, the $250 yield.
	I bought five pounds of ground beef, two pounds of pork loin, chicken, eggs, milk.
	Five pounds of ground pieces.
	I had three big bags.
	That's not a bike.
	That's not a bike trip.
	Yeah, that's a bike trip.
	You just put it in your backpack.
	Okay.
	It's not, but sure.
	I couldn't even get it.
	Pretend you're going to the gym.
	Pretend you're going to the bike gym, and there's a resistance thing where you have to put a backpack on.
	Yes, you might get sweaty, God forbid.
	I was riding a fucking bike in Montreal in the winter carrying massive packages on my back and fucking things that went up this high.
	All right.
	I just didn't think it was ideal is all.
	Oh, it's not ideal, no.
	No, definitely not.
	No, but you're not wealthy enough to live the ideal lifestyle.
	You take a chauffeur to the grocery store.
	That's not normal.
	I walked two and then Ubered back.
	Anyway, we saw the movie Code 8 last night, which is a stupid movie.
	The subtext is illegal aliens are magic and we shouldn't treat them like shit.
	And imagine if you were an illegal alien.
	No, I don't have to imagine that.
	I spent thousands of dollars and years and lawyers trying to get my green card.
	So they want to portray illegals as just special, just like superheroes, which is gay.
	But in it, there's this woman whose superpower is healing.
	And I think she's the perfect kind of chick.
	She's my new fave.
	And she's the perfect kind of chick that I want to start pushing on this show.
	I feel terrible that we pushed supermodels.
	They're so boring and lame.
	And as we learned yesterday with that Mexican, they just had tons of plastic surgery.
	She's not in the cast, by the way.
	Look at that.
	They have like reporter, truck passenger, security guard.
	She's a major player in the movie.
	Yeah, she's like 17th on the list.
	Kyla Kane is my new fave.
	Look at that.
	Look at her buck teeth.
	Click on her again so we can see her better.
	Two photos.
	See, that's...
	But that's like a solid 7.19.
	That's what you want to marry.
	You don't want to marry an 8 or a 9.
	It's too much of a headache, and they're vapid.
	You want to marry a 7 between a 6.5 and an 8.
	That movie was pretty cool, though.
	You know what's interesting about it?
	I'm thinking now the young generation are the only ones who know how to use the modern cameras.
	Because you look at Mobtown with David Arquette, and I think it's grizzled old film dudes who are used to holding something that weighs 40 pounds with a little Sony XD on like a jib thing.
	You know, that non-resistance doohickey, those dudes that don't move around.
	Stabilizer, yeah.
	I don't think they know how to use cameras.
	Of course, the trailer is going to have the best lighting possible.
	But look, you see that clip they just showed?
	Like, you can't see the guy.
	This one, there.
	I couldn't see him.
	Yeah, how so?
	Look how bad this lighting is.
	I want their loyalty.
	And the framing's real tight, too.
	Look, that guy's in the dark.
	Everything is at dusk.
	And then you watch a stupid, shitty, you know, dumb movie like Code 8, which was fun to watch.
	Don't get me wrong.
	Like, if you have a buddy over or an arch enemy like Ryan, definitely put it on and just veg out.
	It's not highbrow.
	But the quality of the shots, each one you could freeze frame and make a poster.
	Just click anywhere on any of those.
	I think the kids today, look at that lighting.
	Look, it's perfect.
	You can see everyone's face perfectly in every scene.
	Okay, okay, everybody face down on the pavement now.
	Go a little farther in so we see because anyone can film outdoors.
	See if there's an indoor shot.
	This is not HD either.
	Let me get an HD clip.
	No, it doesn't need to be an HD clip.
	Just find them indoors.
	We're talking about lighting and shit.
	There we go.
	This will run the gamut.
	Look at that.
	He's in a dark face.
	Everybody's showing this room.
	Just skip ahead.
	Chadwick.
	Oh, Chadwick Moore's in it.
	I'm wondering why a guy like you got in the van.
	Hi, Milo's going to be late today.
	He's sick.
	Sorry to announce to everybody that Milo actually isn't coming in today.
	Thank you for coming.
	Unfortunately, next week, we'll have...
	That was such a good Chadwick Moore.
	It's eerie.
	Look at that.
	He's looking at a light bulb and the fucking lighting is awesome.
	All the graphics ruled.
	All the graphics were, yeah, all the special effects were perfect.
	And you don't recognize anybody.
	There's no actors in this.
	Which was also awesome.
	Yeah.
	I wasn't pulled out of it by.
	Oh, that's the guy from fucking Harry Met Gruff.
	Well, they had Andre 2999 in it.
	The black guy that almost looks like Andre.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, he got mixed up with some bad people.
	Definitely, no part of it sucked.
	You know, it just moved really good.
	All right, also in the news, I feel guilty when we show shit like that.
	That reading list that Milo and Michelle Malkin put together is organic.
	I didn't know that.
	So it was at 202.
	Now it's at 198.
	I think they should take out the Shakespeare.
	It's called America First.
	This doesn't have a number.
	Shakespeare was a really good writer from the old-timey days who wrote soap operas.
	I don't know.
	Is that America First?
	And I know I realize that America, the American Revolution wasn't Americans kicking out the British.
	It was working class British kicking out the upper class British.
	But there's way too much Shakespeare in this.
	Anyway, I was recommending some.
	They didn't make it to the list.
	But here's some books that I think should be on that list.
	And I'm going to start, me and my brother have decided we're going to start plowing through all 200 of those.
	I mean, they don't have to be done in a year, right?
	I started Art of War.
	Art of War?
	By Sung Shang Shu?
	Why?
	I don't know.
	It's way over your head.
	But it was a must-read.
	Why didn't you start the joke is over?
	I comprehend everything that was going on in it.
	How are you reading The Art of War?
	It's an audiobook.
	I didn't want to admit that, but you got to read it.
	The readers said you should try to get Ryan to read, and he fucking finds an audiobook.
	You know who listens to audiobooks?
	People on road trips.
	People in cars.
	Not people who can read.
	Anyway, here's some I'd like to add to it.
	And I've mentioned them on the show before, but they really stand up.
	And I chose these without looking at my books.
	So this is just me sitting in a chair going, what really changed my life and was an incredible read.
	Hero of the Empire is, it's like an adventure novel.
	It's all true, and it's about Churchill before he was Churchill, and it's about the Boer War where Britain took over South Africa for a limited time.
	And he escapes from a POW prison, not to add too many spoilers, but it's just a really fun book to read.
	It's really exciting.
	And Candace Millard is a fucking amazing writer.
	Women can't write, but some women can really write.
	Also on the list, I think you've got to put in Unbroken, another great female writer.
	Do not watch the Angelina Jolie movie.
	She ruined it.
	But this is also a roller coaster ride.
	Angelina's movie left out the part where he found Jesus Christ and it saved his life.
	It didn't pay much credence to the fact that he had a mob war with sharks when he was living on a dinghy after falling out of his fucking plane.
	Just an amazing book.
	Really exciting to read.
	Who built that?
	Michelle has two of her books in there, but she doesn't have this one in.
	If I was king of the world, everyone would have to read this book.
	And when my kids are at the right age, I'm going to make them read this book at gunpoint.
	There's an audiobook version, by the way, if you're an illiterate Puerto Rican.
	Introduction.
	But who built that really has to go in?
	Let me hear.
	Somebody else made that happen.
	Barack Obama, 2012.
	Is it a square book?
	Is it square?
	Please, Ryan, when you ask questions that are unimaginably retarded, I don't respond.
	The graphic for the audiobook is square.
	The book itself is shaped like every other motherfucking book in the world.
	Where are you going?
	Oh, I thought we were done.
	No, I want to hear more of that.
	He interrupted her to ask a retarded question.
	If you've got a business, you didn't build that.
	Somebody else made that happen.
	Back to the beginning.
	Barack Obama, 2012.
	Many of you know me as that angry brown lady on cable TV who's always yelling at liberals.
	The truth is, I am so much more than just the angry brown lady on cable TV.
	My kids, for example, know me as the angry lady who's always yelling at them to do their non-common core homework, pick up their underwear, eat their vegetables, and enter the no-wine zone.
	But I do have a softer side, really.
	At home, I'm a geek mom who loves to watch the science channel's How It's Made and ABC's Shark Tank.
	So she goes through various entrepreneurs like the guy who invented Mag Light, the building of the Brooklyn Bridge, and traces their history and shows the context that these entrepreneurs were in when they invented things.
	She also gets into the history of glass and shows who invented glass.
	It's a fucking amazing book and really easy to read.
	Michelle is not highbrow.
	I hope that doesn't come across as an insult.
	But like Mark Stein and Buchanan, if you're tired at the end of the day, it's kind of hard to get through them.
	Michelle is like reading, this is going to sound terrible, okay?
	It's like reading People Magazine.
	But it's just that sort of, she writes like she talks, as you heard from that intro.
	So it's just a pleasant read to hear about all these incredible entrepreneurs.
	And you come out of it with some real reverence for the entrepreneur.
	I also recommend The Unnecessary War.
	Now, this is dense.
	So I couldn't read, like if I did this after doing a show and fucking screaming and yelling and putting together this Jimmy Kimmel diss I got coming up, I can't read that book.
	I can read Michelle.
	I can't read this.
	But if you don't have a lot to do that day and you've just had a nice big breakfast, this is a great book to sit and digest.
	It's really fucking meaty.
	And as I've said before on the show, Buchanan's contention is that Hitler just wanted to go east towards Russia and we should have led him and ignored him.
	And it would be Nazis against commies.
	Comies would lose.
	Nazis would die a slow death on its own.
	And we didn't need, there wouldn't have been a Holocaust.
	There wouldn't have been any of this shit.
	And we wouldn't have lost all the people we lost in that war.
	We had a scorpion and a poisonous snake facing each other and we jumped in the fray.
	And it takes, he's read like 70 books to get there.
	Also on the book list, obviously, we have a show coming up with this man on censored TV, Redneck Manifesto, Jim Goad.
	Now, the others are my personal opinion.
	If Redneck Manifesto doesn't make it to this list, I'll be pissed off.
	And I'll nag Michelle and Milo and kind of be cunty About it because this has to be on that list.
	It talks about white slavery.
	It basically starts, and I think he may have strayed from this a little bit since he wrote this, but it basically says: we make American history about white versus black.
	It's not, it's about upper class versus lower class.
	And that's how he discusses, you know, the treatment of rednecks and white trash over the years.
	How hillbillies, hicks, white trash became America's scapegoats.
	Here's a one.
	Here's a doozy, especially if you're a parent.
	This fucking little kink is driving me mental.
	Ching, it's pronounced.
	No, that's a nip that's driving me mental.
	The worm in the apple.
	This is Peter Bremelo, who's become persona non grata since he wrote this and is known as a white supremacist.
	He's suing the New York Times for this.
	But it's how the teachers' unions are destroying American education.
	And you really realize how insidious union culture is and how it can lead to brainwashing and Marxism and then ultimately pollute our child's brains.
	But the book is more about the terror of these unions and how corrupt they are and how they usurp all the money and goodness we put into the education system and sort of divert it away from kids.
	And it's exciting too.
	He talks, he makes a lot of really strong analogies between the teachers' unions and the mob, including like flattening your tires and death threats and, you know, serious mob shit.
	So that's a great movie if you have kids or are remotely interested in education.
	And all you teachers should read that book before you start bitching about how horrible your life is.
	And all you spouses.
	I get a lot of guys who watch the show and they have teacher wives and they say their wife will see me watching, will see them watching me and get pissed off.
	Have her read that book and then get back to me.
	Now, here's a really interesting one.
	Paved with Good Intentions came out in the early 90s and it was originally entitled, the working title was Black Failure, White Guilt.
	Paved with Good Intentions, The Failure of Race Relations in Contemporary America.
	Now, I could, if I was at Blaze TV, I could lose my job for promoting this book.
	And Blaze TV is pretty open-minded.
	They'd never mentioned it on Fox.
	Jared Taylor could never be on Fox.
	But Jared Taylor's never changed.
	He's always had the same views.
	He thinks that we shouldn't spend money promoting multiculturalism and integration if it's not happening naturally.
	You don't need money to promote sex.
	So why do we need so much money to promote this idea of multicultural pizza pie schools?
	It's a very valid case.
	And he also talks about black crime and the myth of anti-black racism.
	But the funny thing about it is Jared Taylor shows you how much we've changed.
	And I got to thank Milo for this.
	Check out these reviews of what would now, a book, you could get fired if you worked at a fucking, I don't care, energy plant and you had this book on your desk.
	It's that dangerous.
	It's just a swastika today.
	But here's how it was perceived in 1992.
	And again, the book is written on paper that does not morph.
	It's not like the reading list.
	It's not organic.
	So the book hasn't changed.
	We've changed.
	Here is Jared Taylor's book being reviewed by the Wall Street Journal in 93.
	Mr. Taylor's book is easily the most comprehensive indictment of the race conscious policies of the three decades, past three decades.
	Here's The Washington Times, a vitally important shattering book.
	Here's National Review, the most important book to be published on the subject in many years.
	National Review are the same ones that had Jared Taylor's comrade John Derbyshire fired for a much less controversial statement.
	This book deserves to become a sensation, seriously considered by Americans with influence, blacks and whites alike, human events.
	I don't know what human events is.
	The final book I'm going to recommend before we get to my little be a man green screen is Beer in America.
	Now, unlike Malkin, this book is simple but shitty.
	It's not the best written book, but the reason I'm recommending this book is you could skip to the chapter where they talk about the Brits and how they encouraged newspapers all along the East Coast to have dissent, have a left-wing view, a right-wing view, debate.
	They wanted to foment debate.
	And they also wanted everyone to have a gun, militias.
	Not because they wanted an American Revolution, but because they wanted to not have to pay for an army and make sure everyone was policed.
	They thought, oh, we'll just let them police themselves and they can stay informed and smart by debating each other.
	So they introduced the First Amendment and the Second Amendment to Americans way before there was an America.
	And I think they accidentally facilitated the American Revolution.
	So beer, because they did it at taverns, by the way, beer is America.
	Beer is not in America.
	It is America.
	All right.
	Without further to do, if you will, I want to talk about this Donald Trump tweet where he acknowledged Greg Guttfeld and Jimmy Kimmel in the same tweet, because it's a great example of how being a man can fall through your fingers if you get a trophy wife.
	Don't get stuck in the past.
	Say your favorite things at mass.
	Tell your mother that you love her.
	Hi, welcome to the 100th episode of When Men Become Fags.
	On today's episode, we're going to focus on my old pal, Jimmy Kimmel.
	Let's check in on him.
	Trump was up very late last night watching TV and rage tweeting at 1246 a.m.
	And his mood apparently continued into the afternoon because today.
	When.
	No, it's...
	That's what Maggie Thatcher got.
	Why are people making fun of him for being up late at night?
	That's what I want from a world leader.
	And by the way, the true Kimmel in his soul, which you can see here, is a Trump supporter.
	It's like Joe Rogan.
	You can tell.
	Even Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, I saw the actor saying, Ron wouldn't support Trump.
	Well, no, a pussy wouldn't support Trump.
	Someone who had a reason why they're not allowed to support Trump wouldn't support Trump.
	But I'm particularly pissed at guys like this hating Trump because I know it's not who they are.
	Today he wrote, wow, congratulations to Greg Guttfeld, a one-time Trump hater who has come all the way home.
	His ratings easily beat no talented Stephen Colbert.
	I might have to call Greg Guttfeld and apologize.
	Is it possible that he could have ratings that high if I was a regular on his show?
	I don't think so.
	And that's why I X'd him for not getting me a regular gig on his show.
	I may have to apologize to that guy.
	But I noticed that people were complaining about this saying, Jimmy Fallon, all these people, they don't have a show on Saturday nights.
	So you're comparing apples and oranges.
	No, you're not.
	He's saying the average viewers for Gottfeld were like 2.8 million.
	The average viewers for the next one down were 2.7 million.
	And the average viewers for Jimmy are about 2 million.
	It doesn't matter what night of the week they're on.
	That's like, they didn't say Greg Gottfeld has 2.8 million viewers on Saturday nights and Colbert has zero.
	No one's making that idiotic comparison.
	They're talking about average viewers and Guttfeld creamed them all.
	Nice guy, Jimmy Fallon, and wacko last placer, Jimmy Kimmel.
	Wacko last.
	I hope he wasn't talking about me.
	I think maybe this was another typo situation.
	I think what he meant to tweet was, I am completely devastated by the loss of life caused by this insidious virus.
	My thoughts are with the families of those who've passed.
	I pledge to spend every waking moment talking to make sure that.
	This is what a lot of things, a lot of people on the left say.
	They say he's not presidential.
	He should be more civilized.
	Dude, do you remember Hillary's?
	We are not civil?
	You turned this into the thunderdome.
	You said the gloves are off.
	That's why we're bare knuckle boxing.
	We gave Mitt Romney a chance.
	We gave Ted Cruz a chance.
	We tried to have civilized, erudite, smart presidents who don't fuck around and don't play dirty pool.
	You fucking stabbed them.
	So we sent it a pit bull.
	And now you're bitching?
	Make sure our medical workers have the support they need and every American has access to tests.
	P.S. Congrats to Greg Gutfeld.
	That's better, right?
	He does seem to be familiar with the budget.
	He doesn't allow us to do that.
	I've heard that if you snort enough Adderall, you can watch four of them at once.
	Pause.
	So I guess there's some rumor that, is that the end of it?
	I guess there's some rumor that Donald Trump snorts Adderall.
	Yeah, I hope he does.
	He's an old man.
	He should do speed.
	Just like our greatest president ever, JFK.
	That guy was on amphetamines constantly.
	He said to them, I don't care if it's horse piss.
	I want you to inject it into my ass.
	Look at fucking Motorhead.
	Lemmy was on speed.
	Look how good Motorhead was.
	Look how good this presentation is.
	I'm on Adderall.
	All right, so I want to analyze what happened to Jimmy Kimmel and how he became such a fag.
	This is Jimmy Kimmel before all this.
	Carl Malone.
	Here he is in Blackface being hilarious.
	I'm not remotely offended by Blackface, especially in this context where it's laughing with Carl Malone at what a weirdo he is in his weird fucking Jambalaya Nolins accent.
	Sometime at night, Carl Malone look up in sky and say, what the hell going on up there?
	Do UFO live on other planet, phoning home like E.T.?
	Carl Malone read on TV.
	Carmelone talks.
	That's a funny joke.
	And Jimmy Kimmel is a mean guy.
	And that's why he's so funny, because he's mean-spirited.
	He's the man behind the Perry Project.
	The Perry Project, go look up Wendy City Heat on YouTube.
	But the Perry Project is a 25, 30 year, I used to say it was a 25 year prank about 20 years ago.
	I think it's like a half a century old prank on this fucking poor Galuk who threatened Don Barris in 1994, and they've been fucking with him ever since.
	This is around the time when Perry would perform his now infamous spaghetti.
	This is his commentary on the movie.
	I'd like to see this classic spaghetti bed.
	Just picture me and my wife, my ex-wife, because my ex-wife used to do stupid shit like this all the time.
	And it's almost like being married or having an ex-wife that couldn't cook.
	She went.
	It's a quarter century, sorry.
	Anyway, that's the point.
	But if you scroll forward, you see them tormenting Perry for years and years and years.
	Kimmel got sued for this, actually, and refused to settle because he never settles because he was a total badass.
	But you just watch this movie, and it is pure mean-spirited maliciousness.
	But here's what happened.
	And here's what happens to guys like Kimmel.
	His wife got fat.
	Gina Kimmel.
	You can see her now.
	She's normal fatness, right?
	He married young, stood by her, had some kids.
	They're all grown now.
	But she got fat and she got ugly.
	And he's making, what, $15 million a year?
	So you got to trade up, apparently.
	And he got his second wife, the head comedy writer on his show, like David Letterman.
	He likes to fuck the staff.
	Molly McNearme.
	I hate when women don't take the last name.
	Doesn't that say a lot?
	Isn't that like, I'm not really getting committed with this.
	This bitch is a fucking nightmare.
	Look at her.
	She's constantly like, we see you, Sean Hannity, you dangerous jerk off.
	Or what's this one here?
	The next one.
	If you're spending money on a cameo message from someone on Tiger King, I assume you've already fed the 18,000 homeless LA USD students who can't get a meal at school right now.
	You can't get a meal, really, in fucking LA and you're a student.
	You're not homeless.
	You can't get a PB ⁇ J sandwich.
	Just remarkable naivete.
	So Jimmy jumps on board with her with the never-ending Trump bashing.
	Here is Jimmy after Trump killed the top terrorist in the world.
	Killed Bin Laden.
	He spoke for nine and a half minutes.
	Trump yesterday did 48 minutes.
	How about this?
	You kill the top terrorist in the world, and the take is, yeah, but a lot of people were a lot more Modest when they killed the top terrorist in the world, so you should be a lot cooler about it.
	Okay, thanks for the tip.
	While I'm out killing top terrorists in the world, I'll try to be cooler about it next time.
	And for further criticizing Islam, I thought it might be fun to match up Trump's speech about al-Baghdadi with Obama's about bin Laden, and we were right, it was.
	The United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden.
	Abu Bakar al-Baghdadi is dead.
	The United States launched a targeted operation against that compound.
	They did a lot of shooting, and they did a lot of blasting.
	This is really a great example of where we split with the Trump haters.
	Like, I'm supposed to laugh at how bad Trump looks.
	I'm seeing this stoic piece of shit, Obama, pissed off, basically, that Islam is looking bad because his whole, he changed NASA into a PR firm to promote Islam.
	So he's not feeling very good about this.
	So he's sitting there, morose, boring.
	And then we have the funnest president we've ever had going, ladders shooting, ladder shooting.
	You said to us, we're not going to be civil.
	Bring us a monster.
	We brought you a fucking monster.
	And now you're like, he's awesome.
	Door.
	You know, you think you go through the door.
	If you're a normal person, you say, knock, knock, may I come in.
	After a firefight?
	He's making murdering the top terrorists in the world fun.
	This is not fun.
	Killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.
	Read your screen.
	He died like a dog.
	But his death does not mark the end of our effort.
	Should we be more reverent, by the way, to terrorists when we kill them?
	Should we not piss on their corpses?
	Anyway, I don't know if I included this, but do you have Jimmy talking about Kobe Bryant, who I don't think Jimmy knew.
	He's always been a sports fan.
	His background was sports radio.
	But did you...
	I don't remember him on your show much.
	I can only imagine how painful this is for them.
	I don't think any of us could have imagined this.
	Everywhere you go.
	Just to be clear, you can cry in public if it's about a dead kid, a kid in peril, a war vet, Louis Zampurini in World War II, some 110-year-old getting a medal at some sort of war memorial.
	That's all fine.
	Basketball player you didn't know?
	No.
	You see his face?
	His number.
	His number?
	Gigi's face.
	Gigi's a number.
	Everywhere at every game.
	Well, another guy we used to look up to who went through this exact same transformation, verbatim.
	In fact, Stern is more interesting.
	That's Howard Stern.
	I just gave it away.
	Spoiler alert.
	Stern is more interesting because he actually used to like Trump.
	But now that he's president, fuck him.
	So I want to show you Howard Stern before, the real Howard Stern, the Trump supporting Howard Stern.
	Joe Rogan, Ron Swanson, Jimmy Kimmel, Howard Stern, their soul supports Trump.
	But they can't do that because they're too scared to get in trouble.
	130 years ago, niggas were slaves.
	200 years ago, they were swanging from trees and living in caves.
	When the Bible was written and Jesus were here, they were the beast of the field.
	The Bible says they wore clothing.
	So just positive crowds.
	That's Donald Clark, I believe, who was the head of the KKK at the time.
	This is probably when the SPLC destroyed them by giving some woman a warehouse.
	But he would regularly have this guy on because he saw the innate humor and the controversy in it.
	Yes, it's fucking harsh to see this guy call this woman a mud baby.
	But if you have a head on your shoulders and you know how absurd it is, then you fucking laugh.
	Beast with hands.
	That's what he's talking about.
	You probably can't handle it.
	You don't feel like a beast, do you?
	Hell no.
	No, you don't feel like that.
	Do you believe any of these?
	Yeah, I tell you, she seems like a very lovely woman.
	Can you answer that?
	Yeah.
	You've got walls.
	Can you show the other claire?
	I don't know if this is from the same show.
	God, you could never show this today.
	How did we get less funny and less interesting?
	Is that a first in the history of civilization where we become more closed-minded and more uptight over time?
	It's time for a guess who's the Jew.
	The game where contestants guess who's Jews.
	A lot of these fucking incel alt-right jokes that everyone's freaking out about that they see on 4chan message boards is just this kind of joke.
	It's just this level of controversial humor, but they think it's some sort of manifesto for World War IV.
	And now the host of guesses the Jew have Jew himself, Howard Stern.
	Okay, hi, hi.
	Thank you, Robin.
	Howard, Kurt Waltheim, I'm not familiar with him, but I bet he's a bona fide, like actual Nazi member of the American Nazi Party.
	That's Howard, yes?
	You have sort of a 60s thing going there?
	Well, thank you, Robin.
	Thanks for taking a look at my outfit tonight, and I love to play Guess Who's the Jew.
	I want to welcome everyone.
	Tonight, we're going to find out if our contestants know a Jew when they see one.
	Now, Kurt Voldheim Jr., you're a well-known Nazi.
	Do you actually know any Jews?
	Yes, many.
	Now, really, you know Jews.
	What do these Jews say to you?
	Well, they said, no!
	Stop!
	Please!
	Don't!
	That's the wittiest thing in the world.
	But just as with Kimmel, Howard Stern's wife got fat, and he was forced to dump her and upgrade.
	By the way, isn't it funny how these liberal, feminist, awesome guys don't get any shit for unloading their extra baggage and upgrading to a, just like they said in Husbands and Wives, they love you till you show your age.
	Then they want to trade you in for a younger model.
	How come they don't get any shit for that?
	Hey, feminists, how come you're not mad at guys who take the Best years of someone's life and then dump them at 32 so they can never remarry and then marry a 20-year-old.
	Why is there zero stigma for that?
	Why is there zero stigma for Leonardo da Vinci constantly just going up to 26 and then back down to 20, up to 26 and then back down to 20?
	Or what about these guys who come out of the closet when they have three kids and dump this woman and have ruined her life, wasted her life?
	She was fucking a fag for 20 years.
	Aren't you pissed off at him?
	She's been raped.
	Hasn't Chris Jenner been raped?
	Bruce said he was a woman the whole time.
	So she was fucked by a woman.
	Hasn't she been raped?
	Why don't feminists give a shit about this?
	Because they're pussies.
	Anyway, after trading her in, he got this woman, Beth.
	She sort of took his name.
	Beth Ostrosky Stern.
	And if you scroll down, you'll see that she's a fucking smokeshow.
	Oh, wait, there's the old wife.
	Yep, old kids.
	I guess this is the wrong link.
	I guess this is just more pictures.
	That was more pictures of the first wife.
	So there she is.
	She's really hot.
	And Stern, obviously, with grown kids, unlike Kimmel, was brave enough to say, I don't want any more fucking kids.
	I'm too old.
	This is the face a woman makes when she's fertile and her new 100 millionaire husband says he doesn't want any kids.
	Good.
	I don't want any kids at all either at all.
	So, and I don't have this burgeoning maternal instinct that is ripping out my tits right now.
	My ovaries aren't aching every time I see a child.
	So I'm just going to relax with 7 million stray puppies.
	This is how women really feel when they're told that their spouse, their new spouse, doesn't want any kids.
	Hello, Ryan.
	There we go.
	I told Ed so many times I want baby.
	Why you not tell me the truth?
	You not want a baby?
	Get a baby on eBay.
	Why?
	What do you mean?
	Why do you not tell me first before you come here?
	And Howard Stern, if they were honest and there was not $100 million floating in between them.
	$100, $500.
	Why?
	Why?
	What's wrong?
	Because I'm 54 years old.
	I don't want to.
	Work at Northside Animal Rescue?
	Why are you not telling me first on chatting?
	So Beth becomes a cat mom.
	And that's great because it kills two birds with one stone.
	It gives her substance, and it also kills the maternal instinct, or at least numbs it.
	It's sort of like what's that orange shit that junkies drink so they don't have to do heroin?
	It's like that stuff, that fake heroin.
	Oh, shit, that's...
	Shit.
	It's orange.
	That Lemmy Show guy, the character, loves it.
	Pedialite?
	Pediolite, Ryan?
	You think they give junkies pediolite?
	Don't fucking comment if you have no idea what you're talking about.
	Pedialite?
	Hi, I'm addicted to heroin.
	I'm worried the withdrawals are going to kill me.
	Here, have something that will help hydrate you and prevent diarrhea.
	Wow.
	So Stern follows suit with this.
	And he says, working with animals helps his marriage.
	And Beth takes my breath away.
	Get it?
	I don't give a fucking shit about these animals.
	I'm just happy she keeps nagging me.
	I'm madly in love with this young lady.
	So yeah, I'm a cat dad.
	And so now Trump, just like Kimmel is obsessed with shitting on Trump, Stern is obsessed with shitting on free speech and Trump.
	So he, this was like I've always tolerated Stern and his stupid liberal rich guy shit.
	But when Alex Jones was in trouble, Trump couldn't wait to flip on him.
	Have you got that?
	Yeah.
	Alex Jones says he agrees with Sandy Hook family, wants NBC interview polled.
	And I was in the car listening to Stern, and Stern said, yeah, Robin.
	He said, free speech has ramifications.
	Free speech doesn't mean...
	That's what he actually said.
	And he assumed, without ever listening to Alex Jones, that Alex Jones was pushing hard, this Sandy Hook thing, never apologized for it.
	This was seven years ago, by the way.
	And Stern's comments came from like six months ago when Alex Jones was banned.
	When was this?
	That was 17.
	So that was three years ago.
	He was pushing for Alex Jones to be banned from something that had happened seven years prior to that.
	And you realize, dude, you've had the FCC ban.
	You've spent probably, I don't know, $2 million in fines.
	And the second it happens to someone else, you can't wait to throw them under the bus because you've turned into a fucking fag.
	Here he is commenting about Trump supporters.
	Howard Stern.
	Oh, yeah, remember that?
	This was just the other day.
	Howard Stern stands by and comments suggesting Trump supporters take disinfectants.
	He wants half the country to die.
	They should all fucking die.
	You know why?
	Because Beth thinks so.
	He can't even watch Tiger King because it makes Beth sad to know that tigers are in captivity.
	All right.
	So you might want to know why this happens.
	What is going on here?
	It's actually quite sociologically complicated.
	Here's what happens.
	All right.
	These men, these cool guys, they make money being one of our boys, right?
	Like Opie and Anthony, one of the guys.
	Then the shit hits the fan.
	Kumia remains one of our guys.
	Opie becomes a little pussy and scampers away.
	In the case of Jimmy Kimmel and Woody Allen, I guess.
	No, that's a whole other subject.
	Jimmy Kimmel and Howard Stern, they generate all this guy currency by being one of the dudes and being funny and being outrageous and being politically incorrect and telling everyone to fuck off and being a dick to people.
	And we love that.
	And we go, you're fucking funny, dude.
	You're one of us.
	They start making money.
	Then they get accepted into the mainstream.
	This is around when I left Vice.
	But Stern gets up to $90 million a year at Sirius and Kimmel gets up to last.
	I checked, it was like $15 million on mainstream television.
	Once they get up there, they think, I'm special.
	What am I doing with this old hag I met in fucking high school?
	She's fat.
	She's ugly.
	Get her out of here.
	So they indulge themselves and they dump her.
	And no one gives a shit about that.
	They just go, well, you know, all marriages don't end.
	I mean, no, marriages don't last forever.
	And then you think, okay, well, then he'll marry someone similar to his age that will look normal.
	And they don't.
	They trade them in for a trophy wife.
	So they feel bad about that.
	All right, that's the main guy settled for a second.
	Now we go over to the trophy wife.
	She's obviously well aware that she's seen as a trophy wife.
	She's seen as an accoutrement.
	She's just a midlife crisis personified.
	She's a Lamborghini.
	She's a sports car.
	She's a toupee.
	She's a jiu-jitsu class.
	So how does she justify this?
	She needs to give herself substance.
	So they become activists.
	In Kimmel's girl's case, she says, I'm actually really political.
	And I tell Hannity to fuck off all the time like a total badass.
	And I say that Trump is a piece of shit.
	And then Beth is not intelligent enough to even be that lame.
	So she goes, I'm really into puppies and kittens.
	And I want to save them all.
	And I don't like that tigers got shot in the head.
	Really advanced stuff, Beth.
	And so the new guy wants to appease the new gal.
	And she also acts like that because all of the cool dinner parties in Hollywood and New York are these trophy wives.
	And they all have this same fucking high school politics.
	So these women all have one Stepford-wise liberal mentality where they're trying to give themselves substance because they know they're trophy-wise.
	And the guys with the dicks who say, Beth makes my life, they want to appease them.
	So they acquiesce.
	And they say, okay, here, let me take off my balls, put them in your purse.
	You tell me what to do.
	And so you have someone that you used to look up to who has become, well, I'll let Tony explain it.
	He's a fag.
	Life ain't always empty.
	Life ain't always empty.
	It was methadone.
	Can you pull up that Jacqueline McCaffrey clip?
	Methadone.
	You sent it as a separate link?
	Yep.
	Yeah.
	That's what I was trying to remember.
	I couldn't remember methadone.
	McCafferty.
	I lost three years of my life on heroin and another five years on a methadone program.
	Zoom out?
	So when I found out that Marty Pell was going to be signing copies his new solo album, I was on a heartbeat.
	Marty!
	Party!
	That's based on a real guy who really was an addict, Macedone.
	I was addicted to heroin for four years, and then eight years for the methadone as many things as I. Can you put a post-it note on your computer that says zoom out?
	The default.
	I don't think you understand.
	I told you this before.
	Look.
	Yeah.
	This is the default.
	So the default is too close.
	So then the second you show it on the screen, you start zooming out.
	That's why you need a post-it note.
	So people can see these.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	So let's get a post-it note.
	Wait, you're writing down a note to remind you to put something on a post-it note.
	I don't have a post-it note.
	I don't need it.
	I'll get one.
	So yeah.
	Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel, Tucker Carlson, Anthony Cumia, Ezra Levant, they built this show.
	So when they act like pussies, not that everyone in that list acts like pussies, but when anyone in that list acts like a pussy, it hurts me.
	Because I think you're kind of why I'm here.
	And now you're a fag.
	All right, we're running out of time here, folks.
	We're getting pretty late.
	A lot of long shows this week.
	I'm doing that because you're stuck at home.
	When we get going again, I'm not going to be so fucking generous with my time.
	Let's check out the MB.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dance.
	Let's turn our eyes together.
	Let me touch it.
	You think flying into the World Trade Center Escape New York is eerie?
	Check.
	Oh, no, sorry.
	I'm so used to confrontation that I assume everyone is attacking me.
	Let me rephrase that.
	You think flying into the World Trade Center Escape from New York is eerie?
	Check out the Lone Gunman X-Files spin-off show.
	Pilot episode.
	A conspiracy-minded bloke is forced to take control of a remote-controlled 747 to prevent it from crashing into the World Trade Center.
	It makes escape from New York look like a minor coincidence in comparison.
	And since I like you more than a friend, I'd consider fucking you with my heels on.
	Can you guys send links when you send stuff like that?
	Now we've got to fish through this.
	According to the police Still going and Still going.
	Thanks for the homework assignment, shitlips.
	Get ready to go.
	all right What year was this?
	I mean, it's obviously not 2012.
	My dad is such a literal boomer.
	He thinks that the date on the YouTube thing is when it was when it happened.
	So he sent me this link about Tucker Carlson was being harassed by this guy who said he was just following millionaires.
	He was some Danish guy who was against environmentalism.
	I go, yeah, I remember that dad from 10 years ago.
	He looks different, too.
	He looks much younger.
	The targeted flight.
	This flight was chosen primarily for its visibility.
	It's scheduled to pass over Manhattan on its way to Boston.
	Can you just show it crashing the World Trade Center, please?
	Mike, who sent this in?
	You're a dick.
	Oh, sorry, Wayne.
	Wayne, you're a dick.
	Thanks for wasting my time.
	This is from Hannah.
	When the Proud Boys went to jail, were they made to declare a gang affiliation when entering the prison system?
	If not, it shows how flawed the logic used to persecute them was.
	Also, are you still going to do that segment when you read through the diaries you stole?
	Like you more than a friend, Hannah.
	Thank you, Hannah.
	No, they weren't.
	But even after, so they said, we're not in a gang, they kept saying that, even in prison.
	And they were brought to their sort of like the equivalent of a probation officer in prison.
	And Max's, the one Max was assigned to, said, you're a white supremacist.
	You're a Nazi.
	And I think he said, fuck you.
	And that's maybe why he was immediately sent to Maximum.
	But then the one John was assigned to had more of a, this is fucking crazy, dude.
	I'm sorry.
	This is bullshit.
	And he's like, yeah, well, that's today's America.
	So there's no rhyme or reason to any of this.
	But you're right.
	If it's gang violence, but again, with gang violence, if four people get together and do something as a group, that can be a gang charge.
	You're not necessarily in a gang.
	And as far as the diaries go, I have a confession to make.
	I have torn my house apart.
	I've torn this bookshelf apart trying to find those diaries.
	I cannot fucking find them.
	Now, I knew I would lose them one day, so I actually made a fanzine of one of them, and I can't find it.
	So believe me, I'm still searching hard to find those diaries because I used to collect them, steal them regularly, but I can't fucking find them.
	Mikey!
	Tim.
	Hey, Gab, I know you mentioned a few years back that Black Thorn is one of your favorite albums.
	I couldn't agree more.
	I did?
	What's Black Thorn?
	Buy Flatfoots at 56?
	Oh.
	No, not necessarily true.
	If you like that sound, check out their friends, a band called The Killigans, Celtic folk punk from Nebraska.
	I'm sure you'll dig it.
	I was totally full of the rise of cheer as we fall for.
	Great sound.
	Yo, Gavin, after watching you comment on the conference at the high school about the school play, I wanted to share my experience that happened two weeks ago.
	By the way, Ryan, also put this in your notes.
	We've got to download that video because I've come back to it many times now.
	I'm scared they're going to take it down.
	And it really summarizes the trouble with America.
	That a whole town would come down on a little girl based on a bullshit belief that a character was black.
	I watched the new Spider-Man and no, I don't give a shit about Marvel movies.
	I decided to go through with what is with my voice.
	I noticed in this part of the show, I started tripping on my words, and I sound like Rams Paul does this sometimes where he kind of blends words together.
	Enunciate.
	I watched the new Spider-Man and no, I don't give a shit about Marvel movies.
	I decided to go through with watching For My Girlfriend.
	This is how he writes this guy.
	My faggy friends who are into Spider-Man movies asked me what I thought, and I said it was all right, but I don't get why Mary Jane is black now.
	I defended my criticism by saying I remember her being a ginger and just don't see why they had to make her black.
	I was called racist and tried explaining it's not racist and I feel the same way if a character who was black was then made into a white person.
	Anyway, now I'm a racist, so I suppose even though I disagree, thought I'd share.
	Thanks.
	God, dude, your grammar is so fucking brutal and there's no commas.
	You can't even uppercase an I. What are you writing in?
	What is going on with our education system?
	Here's one from Patrick.
	He wants to recommend Supreme released a collaboration with My Bloody Valentine a couple weeks ago.
	Wanted to get your take on the band and the whole shoegaze genre in general.
	Was never my cup of tea.
	So it's what a graphics.
	Again, we have to do the homework.
	Supreme, My Bloody Valentine.
	My Bloody Valentine.
	Why are you saying it like that?
	I made it like a song.
	But why would you do that?
	Why are you mumbling on a show and making an Irish accent?
	Thought it deserved a little theme.
	Well, why wouldn't you do something that was pertinent to My Bloody Valentine, the band?
	My Bloody Valentine!
	You don't know the band, do you?
	No.
	So why interject?
	What's their big hit?
	Yeah, I was never into them.
	Boring.
	This is from Royce.
	It's way too long.
	Has it become so normal to be politically correct that even blue-collar working class has fallen into this awful trap?
	Yes.
	Yes.
	You'll see a lot of blue-collar dudes who carry I-beams on their backs talk about how fucking important gay marriage is and how trans awareness and my kid's gay and I love her and all this shit.
	I have so many questions for this poor fellow who has fallen victim to this nonsense.
	I just cannot imagine a grown man walking around with a pin that says he wants to accompany other people to the washroom based on the belief that these people are scared of being attacked.
	So then he scrolls down and it's it's some dude, tough looking guy.
	He's got a dirty shirt.
	Maybe he builds decks for a living.
	It's true photography.
	That's a cool self-portrait with the framing.
	About a year ago, my daughter came home wearing a button that said, I'll go with you.
	I asked her what it meant and she explained that there were transgender children at her high school and many of them were uncomfortable using the assigned bathrooms.
	The button is an indication that she and some of her fellow brave badass friends are willing to accompany you to the bathroom if you're in that situation.
	Sometimes I forget that our children can teach us lessons.
	My trans kid reminded me that you don't have to be a big and scary looking badass to be a brand of brave, whatever.
	Next week I'm going to North Carolina, the land of bathroom law hijinks for work, and I'm stealing her button.
	I can't be everywhere, but if I'm around, you're safe.
	That might be the gayest thing I've ever read.
	What a perfect ending to this show.
	What a perfect ending to the Be a Man show.
	You look so stupid when you believe this dumb shit and assume, well, my daughter said that trans kids are getting the shit kicked out of them when they just want to go pee.
	So if I'm in an area, a state, where that's mandated, it isn't, that's not a thing, then I'm going to wear a pin.
	And so if a trans kid wants to go pee, they can go, excuse me, sir, could you stop welding for a sec?
	I want to go pee and not get lynched.
	No problem, kid.
	Let me put down this blowtorch, flip up my mask, take you to go to the pee-pee area that you like.
	You probably start problems because he's just looking for a reason to be there.
	I know this kind of guy, too.
	And when they get a few drinks, they get ornery.
	And I know that if I was at a bar with him, I said, dude, that's not a thing, okay?
	And what are the odds someone's going to bump into you with that pin on?
	There's zero.
	Zero out of a hundred.
	And then I can just see him getting up from his chair and saying, you got a problem, pal?
	And it'd be like, all right, yeah, you beat me up, and now I'm not right, and you're right.
	That's how logic works.
	Let's watch some fucking shit.
	Let's jump to 2-5.
	Final videos, ending the show.
	This is a pretty interesting video about these kids fighting, and it shows you what the hood could be if there was fatherhood.
	Oh, wait, you can't see it.
	Damn!
	Fuck, what's going on?
	What's going on with your shit, nigga?
	Watch out, dance.
	Damn, Taz, move!
	Oh, it was good!
	It was good!
	Come on, nigga!
	Interesting stance.
	Go ahead, bro.
	Y'all niggas is good.
	Everybody in your phones, though.
	Oh, y'all, y'all the real cowards.
	Record that, too.
	Everybody on the phone, record that.
	Everybody recording the phone.
	Real cowards.
	Ain't cool, man.
	Y'all in the middle of the street.
	Look, she's smiling and laughing.
	They laughing.
	Wait a minute.
	You're good at fake.
	Is this fake?
	Like, I've seen people try to break up fights.
	No, they just get ignored.
	Look, this fight just instantly stopped.
	It could be.
	now they're putting their hands on their shoulders they're like alright I'm looking at them.
	Their reaction.
	Oh, y'all, y'all are real people.
	Stop there on your shit.
	Go ahead.
	Wait, there's no hits, right?
	Yeah, that looks pretty fancy.
	Oh, wait, no, he got him there.
	Not really.
	And after he got him, then they back up.
	That doesn't seem like they're really doing.
	Yeah, that's pretty good.
	There's also later on in the video, he goes, yo, your mom and dad worked hard to give you what you got.
	Mom and dad?
	Dad?
	Square up!
	Go ahead.
	Brown niggas is puffing.
	What?
	He was looking back and like, wow, weird.
	And then they're saying, what's good, what's good?
	Square up!
	Go ahead.
	Brown niggas is popping.
	Yeah, that's bananas fake.
	Everybody in your phone stopped.
	That's bananas fake.
	That kid, the skinny kid's waiting for his cue, and then he gets it, and then he's like, all right, cool.
	I get dropped my hands.
	Everybody in your phone stopped.
	Oh, yeah.
	Second phones.
	Whoop.
	Record that, too.
	Everybody on the phone, record that.
	Everybody recording the phone.
	Real cowards.
	Ain't cool, man.
	Y'all in the middle of the street, huh?
	Free actors.
	She's smiling and laughing.
	They laughing.
	Look, he laughed.
	He got a big smile on his face, little bruh.
	He got a picture of the ball.
	You're giggling because they're having trouble keeping your straight face during your little sketch.
	Look, this is cool.
	Look at the listen to that.
	Look, they all laughing, little brother.
	But you really upset.
	And you really upset.
	You more mad than he is.
	I can see it in your face.
	So you fighting for a reason.
	He only fighting you because you want to fight him.
	Because you mad.
	He came to me.
	He texted me.
	So you that's.
	I don't even know.
	So you defending yourself.
	Yeah.
	So look, so little bruh.
	So you in the right.
	You defending yourself.
	Look at the crowd.
	And little bruh, look, whatever you text him for, that you don't know, you was ill-advised.
	My thing is, look at the trick of the devil.
	Who ill-advised you?
	Look around.
	Who ill-advised you?
	White people.
	Who told you wrong?
	Who told you wrong?
	You don't got to answer that.
	You said, who told you wrong, though, little bruh?
	Trump.
	The only reason I'm saying this is all y'all yell, because y'all almost men.
	All of y'all yell.
	You're almost men.
	Y'all ain't kidding me.
	That's as faki as a banana sandwich.
	At one scene, you didn't see it, but this guy's snacking, and he's eating from a bag of chips as he walks across the street.
	I thought it'd be funny if the guy was like, yo, why are you snacking?
	Why are you snacking?
	It's 4:30.
	You're going to have dinner at like 5?
	You ruin your appetite, nigga.
	You're ruining your appetite, yo.
	Your mama at home make a hamburger helpful.
	Your mama right there cooking chillins and grits.
	Afraid of ain't free.
	You ruin it with them motherfucking Doritos.
	Playing games, y'all.
	Snacking and shit.
	Snacking, motherfucker.
	You know how many Corbs in there?
	Let me see that bag.
	26 dietary fibers over here.
	Now you're putting up a bit hungry with his dinner.
	Then you're not going to have a big dinner.
	Then you're going to be hungry later.
	Now your mom's just like, why are you having frosted flakes at 9 p.m.?
	I'll tell you what, you crumple the Doritos on a steak, put some sauce on there.
	Recipes.
	This is a funny fight where a man stores way too much stuff in his pouch.
	Very marsupial dude in the sweatshirt here.
	Woo!
	Nigga squatting.
	That's what he's like.
	Two candy bars.
	He's a piñata.
	Two candy bars and a comb.
	What is that third thing?
	Could be a knife.
	Knife, maybe.
	Oh.
	It's always weird to me when someone gets an amazing punch like that and the fight's not over.
	Yeah.
	You think you would have earned it?
	If it was boxing, boom.
	All right, we're done.
	It doesn't just boom.
	There's shoes gone.
	Man, this guy's just having a yard sale.
	He dropped another thing back there.
	That's two knockouts.
	Look right here.
	Something else.
	That looks like another knife.
	How many knives does this guy carry?
	He's slitting.
	He's swimming.
	Then more shit came out of his pocket.
	That's right.
	Chocolate coins.
	Caramel popcorn.
	Dude, that's for warming your hands.
	It's not a pocket.
	Wow.
	All right, here's.
	So that's what a real fight looks like.
	It's not quite as pretty.
	And here's another real fight.
	And this is a good one to end the show with because it shows you how important it is to never give up.
	Time and dread coming out the store.
	Heads high, dude.
	Full screen.
	Watch him time and dread coming out the store.
	Heads high.
	Hit him with the pole.
	This is about to be the saddest day of his life.
	Oh, and he's tagging him.
	Tinga lingering.
	Limba.
	That's still, but he's good, though.
	Dude, must hit like the Mets.
	This is crazy.
	He could have killed him.
	You know what they call it?
	Out in the six hits to the head.
	I think Dread might give kind of a padding.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	Look, he's tumbling.
	He's kind of, he definitely has a concussion right now.
	Dude, that's so wrong.
	And he gets him.
	There you go.
	He's taking him down.
	He got him down.
	Look, he's got his leg now.
	He throws the stick away.
	Now it's just an all-out wrestling match.
	Whoever gets who, he turned the tail.
	Got him in the okra yoke.
	There's got to be about a chip.
	I wish there was more rib shots in fights.
	It's the only thing that's going to last weeks after fight.
	Next day when they execute, just say, I don't know, I don't know.
	He literally tried to make it.
	Why do you stop?
	Not you, but why do you people out there stop recording at the best part?
	Ridiculous.
	Don't press stop until they're both walking home, please.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.

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