Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E152 - FREE ROGER STONE [2020-04-20 - S02E152 - FREE ROGER STONE]

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April 20, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:55:08

S02E152 - FREE ROGER STONE [2020-04-20 - S02E152 - FREE ROGER STONE]

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	That seems weird to stop that song.
	Let's go back to the vid.
	Seems wrong.
	Seems unethical.
	Seems blasphemous.
	Especially when we're fucking partying.
	Props next.
	Zoom out, wiener head.
	Now you can't.
	Global citizen.
	It's got globalism in the name.
	But if it trucks on time, as a man, you just might find you get what you need.
	Okay, you may have to cut me out when Charlie Watts comes on.
	Charlie, what are you doing?
	To get my fair shares of abuse St. West Or you know what happened here?
	What?
	I know what happened here.
	Well, let's cut back to Ryan and Gavin.
	Me cut to you.
	Here I am.
	Me thinking, because there is a delay, the delay had me very confused.
	Because there's a delay, the drums would have the hardest time keeping time.
	Okay.
	Do you know what I mean?
	So because a drum is designated to keep time, it's harder for Charlie.
	So he's just going through the motions.
	He might have recorded this drum part and they're just playing it and then they're doing their best on it.
	I don't think this is live.
	It can't be live because of the delay.
	So they all had the drum track playing and then someone synced it up and then put them all together.
	Yeah, that makes sense.
	Yeah, this is not live.
	There's no way.
	Because we see, every time we do an interview in Skype and Zoom, they all have the same problem.
	You see that delay.
	And if it's Australia, then it can be like three or four seconds, which makes you look like an imbecile.
	So I thought that was interesting because everyone was confused by the mystery we just solved.
	And I thought it was a great example of how women suck at their jobs.
	By the way, you'll notice this page.
	I ran out of paper at home.
	And so my kids have like stacks of drawings where they just scribble and then throw it away, scribble and throw it away.
	So I have tons of paper.
	So I used it to print out a letter to Tommy, Trigger Tommy in jail.
	And you can see his address at the end.
	He was the one who was mobbed by Antifa.
	He said, get back, as they were about to kill him.
	And they kept coming.
	So he went, went to prison.
	But anyway, it got sent back.
	You're not allowed to have markers on.
	Or glitter.
	I get glitter.
	I get crayon.
	Those are a thing that could be scraped off.
	But a marker, what are you going to do?
	This is LSD now?
	I mean, this is ink too, dumbass.
	How is this different than this?
	They both sink into the paper and can't be sunk out.
	Anyway, so this woman wrote about how beautiful that song was.
	And I was reading it.
	No, it's 1-3.
	I was reading it and I go, I bet this was written by a woman.
	Because when it comes down to the Charlie Watts part, Esquire, comes down to the Charlie Watts part, she goes, who was providing the percussion that's clearly audible?
	It doesn't really matter.
	Sitting in a cozy looking room.
	What do you mean it doesn't matter?
	This is your job.
	If you take out the research part, then you're just enjoying the video.
	Yeah, I did that on my own.
	Sitting in a cozy looking room lined with floor to ceiling with record shelf.
	Lined with a floor to ceiling with record shelf.
	Look at that.
	Lined with a floor to ceiling with record shelf.
	The 78-year-old radiated a quiet joy as he mimed his part, complete with an armchair standing in for symbols.
	Do your fucking job, bitch.
	So that's who's, what's her name?
	Gabriella Bruni.
	Gabrielle Bruni, just affirmative action hire, clearly.
	Here's a man tasked with that.
	This is 1-4.
	So this guy has to...
	Yeah, this one.
	Forbes.
	So, you know, they both got a call from their editors and go, hey, everyone's talking about this Rolling Stone thing is trending number one on Twitter.
	Can you write a thing about it?
	Everyone's wondering about Charlie Watts.
	So the Gabrielle chick just goes, it doesn't really matter.
	He had all these records.
	It was really cool.
	Done.
	I can go walk my dog now.
	And this guy goes, all right, I'll come up with some theories.
	And he comes up with three pretty good theories, not as good as ours, unfortunately.
	He's not as smart as us.
	But go down.
	So he says, maybe they were aero drums, which have a camera and they follow the balls.
	Now, we saw he didn't have the balls on the end.
	They just look like normal drumsticks.
	My theory, which was wrong, was that there's these like aero drums, but the drumstick itself can feel where it's going.
	And you design a virtual kit on a computer, and then the stick itself can feel its height, and it can feel this.
	So it goes, they should invent that.
	They kind of had that.
	They kind of have invented that.
	But if you go down, that's what I just described.
	But this, what he had in his hand didn't have those things on it.
	So no, it probably wasn't that.
	And then he gets into some tune track.
	Anyway, he's got three very good theories.
	And I thought, that's someone doing their fucking job.
	And that's someone who was meant to be there.
	When someone gets an assignment and they go, it Doesn't really matter.
	Then you're not supposed to be there.
	And speaking of it doesn't really matter, what the fuck were these people doing?
	It's a globalist charity for a global organization, the World Health Organization, gets $2.4 billion free handed to them.
	The lion's share of that is us.
	I think we donate 500 million.
	And China decides who runs it, how it's run.
	And China has decided that the WHO doesn't blame China for this and actually is very impressed with China.
	And their communist terrorist chief, who has the stupidest name in the world, not as stupid as Boutros Boutros Galli of the UN.
	Stop talking about these world organizations like they have any clout, okay?
	They're basically composed of two things.
	All the shitheads who run all the disgusting countries like Ethiopia and the Congo, all these despots like Mugabe, criminals.
	Tedros, the head of the WHO, was a communist terrorist in Ethiopia who murdered his people.
	He's a fucking shit stain.
	He's Hitler, if you like that analogy.
	And then the only civilized groups is Europe, and you've seen how Europe elects people, right?
	They choose the fattest, ugliest bitch to run the Netherlands Health Group, and all their heads of military are fucking brats.
	It's all affirmative action bullshit wimps who hate their own countries.
	They're all reactionary progressives.
	Remember when Angela Merkel got that German flag and she went, ugh, and handed it to someone else?
	Ugh.
	I'm not a patriot.
	They don't even like their own countries.
	So that's the other element of these world corporations.
	Fuck them all.
	Fuck them all.
	But no, Lady Gaga and the Stones had to get together and raise $55 million for the world.
	That's like raising $55 million for the UN.
	And they did a terrible job.
	They got us in this mess.
	The chief of the WHO is a puppet.
	Isn't it crappy how they're just putting this stain on great music, too?
	Like John Lennon.
	How stupid are you, by the way, Rolling Stones?
	Rolling Stones.
	Do you not understand anything?
	Do you not read the paper?
	That song, too, is an incredible song.
	It was written in 1968.
	That was the year Martin Luther King died.
	And I did a Discord on Friday, which I'll put up on the site.
	I'll put it up on YouTube too.
	And it was just me arguing with 21-year-olds.
	Jesus, what a nightmare.
	But one of them was saying, oh, so racism is dead, is it?
	Yeah, basically.
	Now, I know you found a picture of the KKK.
	Do you want me to show you how many fucking racist black people I see on a daily basis in New York City?
	If you heard like, fuck you, Kraga, I hate white people on the subway, you know what you'd do?
	You'd go, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
	I wonder if Chick-fil-A is open yet.
	That's how you talk.
	That's how normal it is.
	So in 19, and during that Discord, they said, when did it end?
	And I go, early 70s, I guess.
	I chose 74.
	Like, that was when all of a sudden you had like big afros and black power and people wanted to be cool and whitey on the moon and all that stuff.
	And it was, and what brought that on?
	I believe, this is my personal opinion, that the assassination of Martin Luther King was a wake-up call.
	And all of America was like, yeah, they're segregated this, segregated that, whatever.
	It's not a big deal.
	Martin Luther can do his thing.
	Oh, relax, Negroes.
	And then they went, holy shit, you killed the nicest black guy ever.
	All right, that's now I care.
	All right, from now on, no more.
	I don't want any racism.
	We got to change this around.
	We got to stop.
	We got to stop.
	And that was the beginning of black being cool, which is great.
	But then the guy on the Discord was laughing for like a minute at that.
	And I think it's a concept to argue.
	Like Hidden Figures was the, well, it's weird because there's elements in it that are late 60s, even early 70s, but that actual story took place in 61.
	There's a lot of lies in there, as we discussed in the show before.
	But the ethos of Hidden Figures is that NASA hated blacks and saw them as human garbage, but they were geniuses.
	To the contrary, post-MLK assassination in 68, every major company, especially government companies, wanted a black in the front window to say, look, we're not part of that MLK assassination.
	Shit.
	Pretty unfortunate year to have a hit song called You Can't Always Get What You Want.
	Holy shit.
	Just relax.
	It was only one little Negro.
	Everyone's freaking out for nothing.
	It'd be worse if it was you can sometimes get what you'd like.
	No, it does have that.
	But if you try sometimes, you get what you need.
	You get what you deserve.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Holy mo.
	About Mick Jagger, when he heard about the assassination, went, oh, fucking hell.
	And then 24 hours later, he called Keith and he goes, do you realize that we're number one in the charts right now?
	And it says, if you try sometimes, you just might find.
	Like the Strokes did that with they had a song out on their new album called New York City Cups Ain't Too Smart.
	And then they were going into a collapsing building to save lives.
	Hey, dumbass.
	They pulled it from the album.
	There's an intentional thing that U2 and MTV did.
	Remember after 9-11, there was footage of New York coming together and then the response for it and all that?
	And it was to A Beautiful Day by U2.
	Do you remember that?
	Oh, yeah.
	You kept pumping that.
	And what's a beautiful day about...
	Is that one of those things where it's a...
	Wait, I don't know what you're talking about.
	You two had a song that came out, but instead of showing the regular music video, they put footage of like, you know, firemen carrying families and stuff.
	Oh, I see.
	It's a beautiful day.
	It becomes like a Muslim, radical Muslim propaganda video.
	The worst song title ever to put to that.
	That was like, who was it?
	George Bush was using bone in the USA, I was born, which is a song about how much it sucks to be a Vietnam vet and have gone to Vietnam.
	Born down in a dead man's town.
	Not all songs will be appropriate.
	That reminds me.
	Also, I have a Maker's Mark poster in my bathroom, my most prized possession.
	And it happened, it was put out in 2000.
	And it says, Mark of a Great Town.
	And it's the World Trade Center dipped in wax.
	So it looks like blood.
	Tower 7 2 has also been dipped in wax.
	Yep, I've seen that.
	If our house got broken into, I would sprint to my office and see if that was there.
	I don't care about anything else.
	I'd love to get robbed.
	Do you know my wife is such a hoarder that on two separate occasions, I have rented a dumpster, like the kind you see on construction sites and filled them.
	1-800-GOT junk?
	With shoes and fucking toys and bikes.
	I can't open any of the drawers in my house.
	Like if you, even my kids' clothing drawers, you open them and it's like foam.
	All the socks and pants come up.
	My daughter this weekend, we went to go on a hike.
	We went to like Rockefeller Park or something like that.
	And we get there and there's so many people with the same idea.
	It was closed.
	And I started to think about constitutionally, are you allowed to do that?
	Isn't that my park?
	Who owns the state parks?
	The state or the people?
	So I was feeling very sovereign citizen recording them saying, you're under citizen's arrest, officer.
	But so we went to some other, we found some other nature place and we're going on a hike.
	And then my daughter, she's got these chucks on and she gets a soaker.
	And then later I see she's teenagers are so fucking emotional.
	And I see that she's crying and she goes, my foot hurts.
	And I know you get a soaker and you walk too much and you can get blisters and stuff.
	So I understand.
	But then I go, what part of your foot hurts?
	And she goes, the bottom.
	The bottom?
	The bottom of your foot hurts from a soaker?
	And then I start suspecting, I think she's just crying because her shoes are ruined.
	And they're not.
	You can just pose off a chuck.
	So then as a father, you're stuck in a position now.
	Do I be an asshole and make you keep going?
	Because I like a hike.
	I like a five-hour hike.
	I don't want to hike for fucking 40 minutes, 20 minutes one way, 20 minutes back.
	That's stupid.
	That's like what you'd do if you had a big backyard.
	So do I torture her and potentially like give her actually a blister?
	How bad is that?
	You just put a band-aid on it.
	Yeah.
	So I pussied out and I decided to take her at her word and we get back in the car.
	But now I'm pissed because you called, I didn't call your bluff.
	And that means you lied if your foot doesn't hurt.
	But if she was telling the truth, you rewarded the truth by believing her.
	Yeah.
	Like when she simped when she got out of the car.
	But by the way, the second we started walking back, I go, how's your foot?
	And she's like, it's fine.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, that was magical.
	Oh, no.
	Then we're in the car and she goes, I'm so hungry.
	I'm so hungry.
	Like almost crying again.
	They always do that when they're remotely hungry.
	They're like you.
	They're just like, oh, I've got to eat.
	I haven't had lunch yet and it's 2 p.m.
	Oh, no.
	So I said, we're making steaks.
	You're fine.
	But of course, my wife has to have like Doritos snacks and water and yogurt or purses full of fucking shit.
	So they eat in the car some Doritos and they're like, can I have that water to wash it down?
	You just had dinner.
	So then it's dinner time.
	I make the steaks.
	And my daughter, teenage daughter, has maybe four pieces this big.
	And they're doing this shit that fucking pisses me off.
	Where they roll around the food.
	What are you doing?
	It's already dead.
	Don't worry about it.
	And they'll like cut it and then roll it.
	And I'm like, stop rolling it around.
	Stop examining it.
	Eat it.
	I'm like, okay, okay.
	God.
	And then they'll take it and they'll take a bite of the bite.
	Like this much.
	A quarter of a cube of sugar.
	And then be like.
	So ultimately she had about this much lettuce, this much thin salad, and this much meat.
	This was someone who was almost in tears because they were so hungry and in so much pain.
	So now I'm in a bad mood.
	Now I'm pissed off.
	Please.
	That's why I sent you that David Brent thing.
	Oh, yes.
	The bathroom doesn't appear to have been clean.
	What room you live?
	362.
	There is no 362 in this hotel.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	You got to make that a video drop because that is fatherhood in a nutshell.
	Some of these complaints will be false.
	What else is in the news?
	We have Roger Stone on the show today.
	He's finally ungaged and can tell all.
	My problem is I have too much to say to him.
	In fact, I've noticed our past few conversations end with him saying, all right, well, good day to you.
	Which is you're getting conversation dumped.
	It's they want to see, they literally want to see other people for a little while.
	And it's not about me.
	It's about him.
	This is footage from the other interview, how he ended it.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	What was that about again?
	I can't tell you.
	You know who we can get on the show, apparently?
	Fat Vito.
	Gay Vito?
	The guy who was caught in the gay bar on the Sopranos?
	Yeah.
	That would be cool.
	Hell yeah, it would.
	Wonder if he'd be mad if when he Skypes in, I'm dressed as a gay leather guy.
	Yeah, yeah, Johnny Cakes.
	Yeah, he's probably getting a little sick of hearing about the gay thing.
	Hey, Johnny Cakes.
	Wait, what's that?
	That's Johnny Cakes.
	Wait, he played gay in another show?
	No, that's from...
	Oh, I didn't know that.
	I thought he just went to a couple gay bars and sucked some dicks.
	Oh, no, no.
	He had a lover?
	He was.
	How did my fucking loser uncle have a lover?
	My uncle died in the closet.
	Yeah, that's stinks.
	There's no purpose.
	He'd go to bars.
	He'd maybe make out there.
	He'd maybe get a hotel and bone some homo and then go back in with his mother.
	And he was breathtaking.
	Melt in your mouth.
	Gorgeous.
	Six foot two, Scottish, huge, strong chin, black hair, slick back with a white Corella de Ville line.
	How lucky is that?
	You see that like once a century.
	He was a male model, basically.
	Actually, his mother, my grandmother, was a model.
	And in Glasgow, Glasgow's ugly town, people swoon when I walk down Sucky Hall Street in Glasgow.
	Women, their knees give out because my 511 frame, my tower, I'm towering in Glasgow, by the way.
	My 5'11 frame and mile-high cheekbones and bee-stung lips.
	Homeboys get night like, get it.
	So you can imagine what an actually, an actual handsome person is like there.
	Jesus, I brought Derek Beckles, an ugly black man there.
	And we literally had to escape out of the back of pubs.
	Women were crawling towards us, like hanging on the jukebox and stuff, staring and getting closer and closer.
	Like Tiger King if he had perfume on his shoes.
	Oh, that reminds me.
	Ryan said that there's a ton of celebrities that are going to call in today and do their Tiger King impressions.
	That's right.
	That's kind of a thrill.
	That's pretty badass, man.
	Yeah, I think there's like an A-list roster, basically.
	An A-list roster.
	See, people say we can't get guests, and then we start getting all these major stars, and people go, oh, well, whatever.
	They're at the end of their career.
	There's always an excuse.
	By the way, speaking of gorgeous, we did forget some hotties.
	And this list will never end.
	So let's get cultural with it.
	The Middle East, when you mix a Middle Easterner with a white person, you get some pretty good shit.
	Like, one of the biggest mistakes we made when we were talking about hotties is Dua Lipa.
	There's no links over there.
	Just looking her up.
	Just look her up.
	she was a model British model and she became a pop star and she is I think we may have to go nine what do you think Can we say that?
	Yeah, R-Tard is fine.
	That's Albanian.
	Why don't you just say hairy arms?
	What do you think?
	Nine?
	Let's see Dua Lika dance.
	I trust your rating.
	I think every time I try to counter rate, you convince me that I'm wrong.
	8.9.
	8.9.
	Amazing.
	Stunning.
	Maybe even prettier without makeup.
	Let's see her dance, though.
	Oh, the dance, yes.
	Where she dances like an R-Tard.
	By the way, if you're offended by retard, you're likely offended by R-Tard.
	You can't just remove the E. Hey, you're an Igger.
	Look at all these hanks running around pretending they didn't start the virus.
	Wow.
	You really can make yourself unattractive.
	What the hell was that?
	She looked like a washing machine in the spin cycle.
	When my crush asked me to dance is the title.
	Oh, it's her regular dance.
	I think this is the same video.
	You know what that makes me think?
	Worse ones, too.
	What if you sold your soul to the devil to get her?
	And you guys, and the devil's like, no problem.
	And then Dua Lipa's like, hey, I don't know why I have your number, but I feel compelled to call.
	Do you want to come out to this club?
	And you're like, wow.
	I mean, I'll be in hell for eternity, but whatever.
	It's going to be a fun earth.
	And you go to the club, and then she starts doing that.
	And you just go, Satan, what have you done?
	It's called Dualipa has no stage presence for one minute and 38 seconds straight.
	Oh my God.
	She dances like a 10-year-old.
	Right.
	Like when they take their little dance lessons and then it's at the school.
	Her arm just like flails dumbly.
	Look at the leg.
	Look how like delayed that was.
	Look.
	Is that good?
	Is this a rehearsal?
	Oh, God.
	Oh, my God.
	Maybe she's so dumb that it's like a borderline Terry Shaivo.
	Yeah, she's not allowed to reproduce.
	She's sort of in a coma.
	Like when she eats, the spaghetti just goes all over the side of her face and down her shirt.
	And her dad is like, no, no, sweetie, sweetie, here we go.
	She has to change her shirts three times a day.
	She keeps walking into walls.
	No, no, the door is the door.
	Remember that we talked about a door knob?
	Doorknob.
	Okay, dad.
	I want to sing a song, Dad.
	I know you do, sweetheart.
	I know you do.
	But another duo, another duo, another Albanian who's pretty hot that we've neglected on the show is Rita Orez.
	Rita Ores.
	Rita Orez.
	She's an Albanian.
	But I think she's one of those ones that without a crew.
	What the?
	Wait, have I got her name wrong?
	Rita Aura?
	Rita Aura, that's it.
	One letter wrong.
	Don't you think maybe this, The fatty?
	The YouTuber.
	Yeah.
	Fatty YouTuber, yeah.
	Yeah.
	What's her name again?
	It looks like this could be one of those.
	Whoa, that forehead is an eighthead.
	There's too much.
	That's a lot of forehead.
	Yeah, man.
	No, no, no.
	She's dumped.
	No, no.
	You're dumped, Rita.
	She's dumped.
	And here's one last one I forgot about.
	I was watching this cringe interview with this chick, Sandra Sahi, and Jesse Eisenberg.
	The interview is not important, but then I looked her up and she's an Iranian who is a fucking knockout.
	This is 2-3.
	Oh, you got it?
	This is Elik.
	Why would you look up Jesse Eisenberg?
	To see that interview that you're doing.
	No, we want to see Sandra Sahi.
	Oh, here she is.
	Sandra Sahi flirtatiously convinces Craig to teach her to play the harmonica.
	Does he still have a show?
	Harmonica just really kind of just got into my blood.
	Yeah, it's good.
	Do you play yourself?
	And I know, I just got one, though, and I want to learn.
	So maybe you could be my teacher.
	No, no, I can't.
	Maybe I could.
	Is that the sewer light?
	Yes, the doctor told me to elevate it, so here we go.
	No.
	Yeah, that's not the Eisenberg chick.
	The Eisenberg chick's yet another hot Middle Eastern, but that's Sandrasahi.
	Anyway, stupid game.
	I saw, I haven't been reading very many books.
	I'm reading a stupid book called What If?
	And wait, that's her?
	Sandrasaki.
	Keep going?
	Keep going.
	Keep going.
	Hopefully that's the right one.
	Is that the right one?
	That's not the one we just saw.
	No, this is Sandrasahi.
	Sandrasaki.
	Sandrasaki.
	Okay.
	Sounds like I just ordered it a little bit.
	Well, then who did we just see?
	Go back to that other clip.
	The YouTube clip.
	Go to the very, very, very, very, very, very beginning.
	What's the audio?
	Go back to the beginning.
	Well, on the Craig Ferguson show, actress Sandra Sahi flipped.
	Oh, yeah.
	That is Sandra Sahi.
	She's one of the morphers.
	Totally different.
	Morphers.
	What's that crazy theory people have that there's clones and they occasionally malfunction?
	Oh, yeah.
	So every time you see a celebrity, you go, yeah, because we're going to.
	And then she's removed, then she's killed and they bring out another clone.
	And it's like, the problem with these kind of theories is that's like, what, a $10 billion program?
	How about the millions and millions of people on the streets dying to be famous?
	You could just pull them up.
	There's a lot of clone malfunctions out there.
	Clone malfunctions.
	Martin Lawrence.
	Biden is a clone malfunction.
	Martin Lawrence, him and Will Smith, they promoting Bad Boys 3.
	Martin Lawrence ain't kind of strange.
	I mean, it's Bad Boy 3, but he's throwing up two fingers and he's acting kind of slow.
	I'm telling y'all, this is crazy.
	Wait, wait, did just wait.
	It's official.
	It's official, baby.
	It's official.
	Bad boys 3.
	It's happening.
	It's official.
	What?
	It's official.
	That's a peace sign.
	How is that a clone dynamic?
	I will say, though, I saw Bad Boys for Life last night, and it's really good.
	I love it.
	It was so good.
	And you know one of the things I really liked about it?
	It was the first one that wasn't racist.
	Yeah, they didn't have to throw it.
	Every other Bad Boys, the white people are going, what the fuck, boing?
	Hey, what the what's this?
	Yeah.
	There's only one white people suck joke in it, and they're racing on the beach, and they go, sorry, white people.
	We're the police, though.
	We'll arrest ourselves later.
	Right, right.
	Rich white people, he said.
	Okay, so that was kind of annoying, but that was it.
	And the rest was just a good old stupid action movie with lots of explosions and helicopters and guns and flips and punches.
	It was cool.
	And, you know, when you watch a movie as a family man, if there's anything that the kids could watch, you're like, oh, we shouldn't be watching this alone.
	Or if it's anything your wife might enjoy, there's even a hint of romance or whatever, you go, oh shit, this should be a date movie.
	But when you watch this, you're like, no one in the family wants to watch this at all.
	My son even rejects, my older boy rejects action movies.
	And I think he's doing a thing.
	I figured it out the other day because he's always trying to mess with me.
	Like I wanted to be a cop.
	And he goes, I'm going to be a cop in Baltimore.
	You like that idea?
	Or he goes, I hate action movies.
	They're stupid.
	He's trying to get you.
	And he sees that me and my dad are always fucking with each other.
	So he's trying to fuck with me.
	But yeah, I saw that movie last night and it's really good.
	I highly recommend it.
	I also saw Hoaxed.
	That's 1-8.
	Hoaxed?
	And that's Mike Cern.
	Oh, Dinesh D'Souza's on the line.
	Dinesh, are you there, sir?
	I'm here.
	I feel.
	Can I tell you how I feel?
	I can guess, but yeah, let's hear it.
	Like a tiger.
	Oh, oh, yeah.
	So you got our email.
	We sent out a mass email to all our celebrity friends saying we'd like to hear you do your Tiger King because everyone's obsessed with it.
	And I've noticed whenever I'm doing home repairs now, I'm like, fucking Carol Baskins, bitch.
	Yeah, I hate that Carol Baskins.
	So is that you doing the imitation or you?
	Oh, no, no.
	Okay, here he goes.
	That damn Carol Baskins, she's like a freaking toad.
	I feel like she is a bitch.
	Maybe work on that a little bit.
	Watch the show a couple more times and call us back because you already have that weird Bangladeshi accent.
	Yes.
	And then to make it also Oklahoman, it's too much.
	Is there any tips?
	More grasp.
	I feel like I'm the tough.
	Yeah, you're getting there.
	Try not to waste our time, callers, if you haven't mastered it.
	Even if you're Dinesh.
	Even if you're Dinesh.
	So yeah, Hoaxed is fucking good.
	I think it's the number eight documentary on Amazon right now.
	And it just, he even pulls in Black Lives Matter.
	I think my favorite part is he pulls in Black Lives Matter and shows them, they're like, I don't feel safe and blah, blah, blah, that whole Brooklyn black thing where if I go for a drive, I don't know if I'm going to come home alive, blah, blah, blah.
	And maybe you could just find the trailer if that's not loading.
	And then Cernovich shows him an article about a black man who shot up a white church.
	And I've heard of that story.
	All of us have probably heard of that story, but he hadn't heard of it before.
	And he was freaked the fuck out.
	And we are going to make the online world.
	I think the other link is all of us on board.
	There we go.
	Go, this is the whole movie.
	Go to 058.
	058, okay.
	058 exactly the same thing.
	The director of controversial documentary, The Red Pill, and I'm going to be here to promote her film, which is five minutes.
	Five minutes?
	0.58.
	Why would you get 508 from that?
	You have dyslexia.
	58 seconds in.
	No, no, let's try.
	That's not what I meant.
	Let's try 58 minutes in.
	Okay, I got it wrong, too.
	58 minutes.
	That would be 580.
	We both have dyslexia.
	If you turn on the news, you're not seeing this.
	Day one of the DNC, I'm out there, periscoping, live streaming videos.
	There are 5,000 people at least at FDR Park crossing the DNC.
	All right, 360.
	All right, 360.
	Right?
	That's everywhere, okay?
	He was the only one who showed that.
	Else I saw there?
	Zero.
	There's not even one journalist here, except for me.
	They're all on Twitter talking about the future of the Democratic Party and they're unbelievable.
	You know, being a right-winger in New York City, I'm drowned in the opposition.
	And you learn to enjoy CGI a bald spot on my head.
	That's true.
	It makes you a more complete person.
	And we wonder why the media has become...
	The Chamber is...
	These people don't believe the most.
	And this is true of the right and the left.
	They'll sit there and they'll Google and they'll talk about a backlash and you'll go check the evidence of this backlash and you realize it's just tweets.
	There's no more Watergate from the beat reporter talking to people on the street because he just uses Google.
	These kids now are turning to themselves for information.
	They're their own journalists.
	And that's what's going on.
	So that was funny.
	I also checked out this Netflix new Netflix special, Chris Delia.
	I have a fucking mental block with this name.
	Delia, you did it.
	Oh, I didn't?
	Yep.
	Delia.
	He's got a new special on Netflix, and it sucks.
	It sucks.
	It's fucking painfully unfunny.
	And it also shows how backwards we are as a country and how hypocritical we are.
	And this keeps coming up on this show with this double standard with blacks and whites, where white people can be shat on and they're always wrong.
	And black people, when they're wrong, well, there's still some good stuff in there.
	And I don't like that stuff because I'm not a racist.
	And I think it's a form of white supremacy to have a double standard where whites can only do wrong and blacks can't do wrong.
	It's fucking stupid.
	Anyway, let's check out a little sample of his special.
	We have it here.
	So I went down to the chapter.
	All right, this is a funny story about when I went to the gym.
	It's really fucked up.
	Okay.
	And this guy was working out next to me.
	He was a white guy.
	Okay.
	So I was working out.
	I was at the gym.
	And this guy was working out next to me.
	He was a black guy.
	Okay.
	Also, he was pasty.
	You know?
	Also, he was ashy, you know?
	You know, white guys that are so pasty that if you were to smack them that hard anywhere on their body, they would immediately turn bright pink.
	You know when guys are so black and ashy that, you know, if you were to slap them anywhere on their body, it would turn bright purple?
	Fuck those kinds of guys.
	Fuck those kind of guys.
	I hate those kind of guys.
	Fuck those kinds of guys.
	It's not his fault, but it is.
	It's not his fault that he's black, but it is, you know?
	No.
	Like, hey, guy, don't be pink.
	It's like, hey, guy, don't be purple, okay?
	Mulignyan.
	Like, how are you pink?
	What are you, balls?
	Like, how are you purple?
	What are you?
	A moulignan?
	Are you a fucking eggplant?
	Balls are pink.
	Eggplants are purple.
	Moulignon is Italian for that.
	Also, this guy was blonde.
	Also, this guy had black hair.
	He had a black afro.
	Also, he bleached his hair.
	So it looked like he dyed the afro even more black.
	Blonder than that.
	So this guy looked like a real piece of shit.
	This guy looked like a piece of shit.
	It looked like I shat him out.
	Okay, like, he was so white and blonde that if I had just looked at him and gone like this, come on, man.
	He would have gone like this.
	No, I know.
	This guy was so black and so ashy and so purple that if I had gone up to him and been like, come on, man, he would have been like, why are you gay?
	So I couldn't help it.
	I couldn't help it.
	I looked in the mirror.
	Him in the mirror and out loud I go like this.
	Oh, cool.
	A vampire is here.
	I looked at him in the mirror and I was like, oh, cool, a tar baby is here.
	And he heard me say it, but also he saw my mouth shut.
	The black guy saw me say it.
	I said right to his face.
	I was like, you're a tar baby in the mirror.
	But he didn't do anything.
	He didn't do anything to pussy.
	So I feel like I won.
	Yeah, I just went up and salted that black guy and didn't do shit.
	And I did it because he was just so black.
	You know what I mean?
	I won the day.
	I won the day.
	It's kind of weird to be in the most legendary band of all time.
	You're singing a song that came out over half a century ago and you're playing the air drums.
	Yeah.
	Can we not think of a better solution than that?
	Like, they're all billionaires.
	Can't they say, what are we going to do about the drums?
	Don't you think this minimizes rock and roll?
	What?
	Aren't those the two biggest bands like pretty much?
	I know, but at least the stones are doing it.
	This isn't like, no matter no releganto, no something to die for.
	Speaking of comedians, Maniscalco ripped me off.
	I caught him.
	See, I'm funny and banned.
	So I say amazingly hilarious things.
	Like, what did Louis C.K. steal from me the other day?
	Dogs, like specifics.
	Dogs are stupid.
	The dog and the pointing thing.
	Yeah.
	I'd say you go like this with a dog and go like that, and it can't even figure out that you're going that way.
	Right.
	And just like the acting.
	Oh, and the retards.
	I said, where did retards go?
	When I was young, they were everywhere.
	Now they're gone.
	Now there's no retards.
	And then you're like, obviously, you don't call a retard a retard.
	Who does that?
	That was you.
	And then he said basically the same thing.
	And my scalar is that they don't watch comedians, other stand-up comedians, but they will watch funny things and viral videos.
	See, I wouldn't be making this accusation if I hadn't said these things on YouTube to the tune of several million views.
	So go to me.
	It's a very me-centric show.
	Is it 21?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	You may have to go back a little bit.
	So this was 2009.
	What does the upload date say?
	I think it did say 2009.
	2009.
	Okay.
	When's the last time a woman ordered a makers on the rocks?
	I just drank that very stupid drinks with the fruit and the wine cooler zappers with the cranberry zingers.
	Like, when's the last time a woman ordered her makers on the rocks?
	I just drank that rotten gasoline taste that we love.
	She stopped.
	So that has how many views?
	That's loading.
	Let's go.
	Whoa.
	Almost 200,000.
	200,000 views.
	All right.
	And that might not even be the original.
	Now check out Maniscalco two years later.
	Watch out, guys.
	It's embarrassing.
	Go look at what they're ordering to drink.
	Apple martinis?
	Doesn't that sound like my frozen blackberry margarita, bitch?
	You're walking around with a green dream?
	laughter
	You can't just add effeminate mime to my jokes.
	You go get a beer or something that tastes like gasoline.
	I rest my case, Your Honor.
	It's about to get worse.
	No, no, go back.
	It gets even worse.
	Walking around with flip, flop samples?
	Have you seen some of these guys' feet?
	Have you seen the guy with the finger foot?
	You ever seen this guy walking around?
	Do you agree with what he's saying?
	Yeah, I agree with what I'm saying through his mouth.
	Also in comedian news, I'm going to do a whole thing on, I've noticed that female communities, they have relationships, I'm lonely and I suck, and then gross out.
	So I'm going to put together something where a compilation of women doing disgusting sex comedy.
	We'll do that in another episode because it's, there's so many like, yeah, you ever put period blood on cum and then throw it on your mother's face?
	Right.
	And just like, what?
	Yeah.
	Doesn't it taste like shit?
	Okay, relax.
	Fucking horror movie joke.
	But I've always said Jim Carrey is an awful human being.
	And the more you look into this, the more evidence you will discover.
	Here he is.
	My new favorite thing, by the way, is not cringe.
	And forgive me if this is a boomer thing that everyone already knows.
	But my new favorite thing is watching people die inside videos.
	Stop.
	It's better than cringe.
	It's a lot of fun.
	And maybe it's ancient news.
	I apologize if it is.
	But when I was watching one of these Watch People Die Inside compilations, I came across this Jim Carrey clip, which I guess starts with a bit of, what's his name?
	George Lucas.
	George Lucas.
	It's been absolutely amazing.
	Hey.
	Can you hear me?
	Hi, what's your name?
	It's Deanna.
	Deanna.
	Oh, boy.
	That's Jim Carrey.
	He's your stylist today.
	It's completely sexless, the Lloyd thing.
	Okay, so.
	Deanna, are you sure you want to do this?
	Wait, pause.
	What's it mean about the sexless thing?
	It's completely sexless, the white tape.
	Is he calling her hideous and sexless?
	Is he saying she's so ugly she could be a dude?
	What an asshole.
	Great.
	I think I'm.
	I think at this point.
	He's going to do a good job.
	At this point, I think I know what I'm doing.
	I'm on Hollywood Boulevard to see how that haircut is going.
	Oh.
	Wow.
	It's worse, that is unexpected.
	It symbolizes the control I have over the mind of my fans.
	Were you expecting a haircut of that severity?
	Me?
	Yeah, you know.
	I came down just to see the show.
	Oh, you did?
	Okay.
	Put in an autograph.
	Well, we'll make sure you get a good seat.
	Autograph?
	She's got to wait like a year and a half to be normal again?
	Holy schnikes.
	You just took a year and a half out of a woman's life.
	And if she's like 36 and single, that's like two years, 36 to 38.
	You just took those away?
	What's she gonna do?
	Wear wigs?
	Oh, you did.
	She almost cried right there.
	I just want to see the show.
	You know, the only way that it makes it okay is if they offered her a lot of money behind the scenes.
	be like listen I know you don't want to do it but you're on TV here's...
	$10,000, yeah.
	All right, let's talk to Roger Stone.
	This is too much fluff.
	We need some substance here.
	By the way.
	No, no, no.
	Hold on.
	Oh.
	I want to introduce him.
	Oh, sure, sure.
	The letter that I got back from Tommy said, no murkers, which is a reference to my daughter's public school teacher who told her the same thing when my daughter used markers on her work, but the teacher spelled it wrong.
	Because that's the level of education in public schools in Brooklyn.
	And that's why you're so stupid.
	So Roger Stone has had his gag order released.
	He can now talk to people like us.
	And I thought, I sent you this article a little later.
	It's not in the notes, but it's about Tamika Hart.
	That was the juror that we'll get into, the rural juror, who wasn't just left-wing.
	She was an activist.
	She wants to stand up for the four prosecutors who withdrew from the case in response to their sentencing recommendation being changed by the Department of Justice leadership.
	Tamika Hart said, she was the head juror, by the way, said she'd remained silent about the case for months out of concern for her safety.
	Anyway, if you scroll down.
	By the way, let me just pause here.
	I can't remember if she was the head juror or if this other woman who ran for office in the DNC was, but I was there when they were choosing the jurors in the courtroom.
	And it was just like, I think the judge's name is Amy Chapman.
	Amy Chapman clone.
	Amy Chapman clone.
	Like the judge was just selecting herself again and again.
	And there was like two black women, but you could tell where they stood politically.
	And Roger had this black preacher with him.
	And he goes, there's no black people there.
	Amy Berman Jackson.
	And I go, yeah, sorry, Amy Jackson.
	I go, well, there is a black woman right there.
	And he goes, yeah, she has a head shaved.
	When a black woman has a head shaved, she's sending a message to the world.
	And that is, I don't need a man.
	Which has political connotations too.
	So yeah, remarkably biased jury.
	The judge refused him a retrial because it would lose her face.
	She criticized Tucker.
	She criticized Alex Jones.
	And now I guess his only hope is an appeal.
	By the way, all of these appeals and trials and shit are hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars.
	I think he will have spent about a million dollars when this is over, which a man of his stature, I'm just guessing, probably has about a million bucks.
	So he's at zero now.
	So I guess he has to use public charity to do an appeal.
	But if you look into this charge, lying to Congress, even if you assume he did it maliciously, you'll find nothing but innocence and probation and deferred sentences.
	Almost no one goes to jail for this.
	And when they do, it's for no time.
	Anyway, we'll talk about that with Roger.
	Can you get him on the line?
	Have we got Raje?
	Yes.
	Let's bump.
	What's our favorite flavor?
	Mr. Stone, are you there, sir?
	Yes, indeed, Gavin.
	I'm delighted to be back with you.
	Well, I'm delighted we can finally talk about the elephant in the room.
	Yeah, it's incredible.
	I mean, for 16 months, I have been unconstitutionally gagged.
	So I have been unable to defend myself from the tsunami of fake news coming out of CNN and MSNBC and the New York Times, the Washington Compost, the Daily Beast.
	So it feels good to be able to at least begin to correct the record.
	There's so much disinformation about my case.
	There are actually people around the country who think I was convicted of Russian collusion, which, of course, we both know there was no Russian collusion with the Trump campaign.
	So it is good to have my voice back.
	What would you say is the biggest misconception about your case?
	That I somehow had trafficking in emails with either Julian Assange or the Russians, which is completely false.
	That was never alleged.
	There is no evidence to that effect.
	So the prosecutors on Robert Mueller's squad, his hit squad, the Trump hit squad, went to a federal judge and they basically told him that they had evidence of money laundering of millions of dollars in foreign campaign contributions,
	cyber fraud, wire fraud, cyber crimes, in order to justify a warrant in which they then used to poke into every single corner of your life.
	All your emails, all your text messages, all your phone calls for over a two-year period.
	Of course, they found no evidence of any of those things.
	They never had probable cause.
	They had my Twitter feed, which was very public, which was based solely on not only tips that I got from people who were in knowledgeable places, that's called journalism, or public information.
	So the president is absolutely right.
	It is a hoax.
	And I was kind of the last victim of the witch hunt.
	Well, I think the truth is that they start, they justify a massive investigation with a false allegation, like you're working for Russia.
	And then while they're going through everything, they can't find anything.
	So they go, did you ever get an email from Julian Assange?
	And you say, no, I don't think so.
	You did.
	So you just lied to Congress.
	Yeah, it wasn't even that good.
	I mean, it was the morning Assange on October 2nd had a presser, which was widely heralded.
	I got an email from Steve Bannon that said, what was that last night?
	And I responded, I understand that he has personal security concerns.
	Steve could have read that in the Morning Guardian.
	He could have read that on AP.
	It was public information.
	I didn't recall that email, so I was charged.
	So the fact that the content of the email was immaterial, was public information, that didn't matter.
	This indictment was cooked up by Andrew Weissman, who was really running the Mueller investigation, should be called the Weissman investigation.
	And it was really a contrivance between Adam Schiff and the Mueller team.
	It is interesting that every question for which I was charged as giving a false answer was asked by Adam Schiff.
	So in other words, they go through your emails, they make them available to Adam Schiff.
	He concocts questions that are, you know, the when did you stop beating your wife variety of questions, and there's no way to win.
	So none of my answers were material.
	There was no crime to cover up.
	I had no motive to lie to Congress because there was no underlying crime for which to lie about.
	So technically, I am charged with lying to Congress, obstructing their investigation into the Trump campaign's interest in WikiLeaks.
	Gavin, the candidate, announced his interest in WikiLeaks 142 times in September and October, according to MSNBC.
	So what secret was I hiding?
	The answer is none.
	Well, that's what I keep saying to people.
	Let's take the worst case scenario.
	Let's not take Roger for his word.
	Let's say he was lying on purpose, obstructing justice.
	The worst, worst possible interpretation of the allegations.
	This happens all the time.
	James Clapper did it.
	He got a cushy job at CNN.
	Even the baseball pitcher Roger Clemens did it.
	Casper Weinberger, even Flynn.
	And they all get away with either But 99% of the time it's probation, and it's often a cushy news gig.
	But interestingly, in this specific instance where you have Comey, Brennan, Clapper, McCabe, Strzok, Hillary, Rosenstein, and Mueller himself all lied to Congress when we sought to argue that I was being selectively prosecuted, the judge rejected that argument and prohibited us from raising it.
	It's just another example of the double standard that I have dealt with.
	So a better example, of course, is the fact that Michael Cohen has been released from prison.
	Michael Avenati has been released from prison.
	But in 10 days, I have been ordered to surrender voluntarily to the Bureau of Prisons to begin my sentence.
	It just does not seem very fair to me.
	We have questions from the viewers here that they keep asking.
	The top one is, why haven't you formally requested a pardon, filled out an application?
	Well, first of all, because it's unnecessary, of course.
	The president can pardon anybody at any time.
	You'll recall that Gerald Ford pardoned Richard Nixon prior to Nixon even being charged with a crime.
	I could go fill out the paperwork and it would go theoretically first to the Justice Department, then from the Justice Department to the White House.
	But it's not a requirement for the president, should he choose to act.
	So I have not formally requested a pardon.
	There's been no discussion of a pardon.
	I have not been promised a pardon.
	I have great faith in Donald Trump.
	I've known him for 40 years.
	I also have great faith in God.
	And I have been praying fervently for justice in this case because I believe that I have been subjected to a massive injustice.
	Okay, another question here.
	Our viewers want to know why you didn't take the stand to testify.
	It's pretty simple.
	When the government has two years of emails, text messages, phone calls on every subject under the sun, it's impossible for you to remember all of that material.
	So had I testified and I'd said something mistaken, an honest mistake of memory, I would have been additionally charged with perjury.
	There are whole areas of the campaign that frankly are perfectly legal, but I didn't particularly want to talk about.
	So it really, the volume of information that they removed from my computers, if it were stacked up paper, it would be the Washington Monument times three.
	Wow.
	Three terabytes, pardon me, six terabytes of information.
	And of course, they give that all to you in Discovery, which is still sealed, and we have respected that seal.
	But they don't tell you what specific thing they're going to use.
	So then you have to spend a fortune sifting through all those documents to try to determine what documents will be used in your prosecution.
	And finally, you've been verbotened from associating with certain people, including your old friend Michael Caputo.
	Does this gag release allow you to meet your friend?
	It does not.
	Actually, reading the fine print and the judge's order, all other conditions of release were left in place.
	And one of the conditions of release is a list of people with whom I am not allowed to communicate.
	And I've been sacrosanct about that.
	It doesn't make much sense to me, but the judge at least, and I appreciate this, removed the gag order so that I could at least try to defend myself against the literal, as I said earlier, tsunami of fake news.
	Okay, well, finally, Roger, we want to help out.
	It seems relatively hopeless at this point.
	What can we do to help besides praying?
	Well, obviously, I have the option of filing an appeal, which I will do, because the judge rejected our motion to declare a mistrial based on the egregious misconduct of a juror.
	There is no question whatsoever that Tamika Hart, who outed herself in public, tweeted and Facebook posted attacking both me and Donald Trump in 2019.
	Then in jury selection, she said she didn't know who I was.
	She wasn't really familiar with the case, even though she tweeted on the day I was arrested.
	And then she deleted her Facebook page, which she had since 2008 after my trial, and opened a new one.
	In many cases, she had tweeted Facebook links.
	The judge did not allow us to subpoena from Facebook that material, so much of it is lost to history.
	But the Supreme Court has said that every defendant is entitled to an indifferent, pardon me, impartial and indifferent jury.
	There was nothing indifferent about this jury.
	There were no Republicans, there were no Military veterans, there were no Trump supporters.
	It was very monolithic.
	When the Washington Post says the jury was diverse, it was certainly not politically diverse.
	And to say that politics doesn't matter in a case that is this political, I mean, Tamika Hart said that all of Donald Trump's associates are racist.
	When we tried to argue that I am one of Donald Trump's associates, the judge said, well, how would Tamika Hart know that?
	Really?
	I've written a book on it.
	I mean, I think I'm highly identified correctly since 1988 as saying that Donald Trump had the capacity to be not only a great presidential candidate, but a truly great president.
	And he's already proved that.
	He's proving that today.
	He not only brought back our economy, but he's going to bring it back again.
	Watch.
	Yep.
	Just like Jesus.
	Back from the grave.
	Is there a fund?
	Are we still doing the Roger Stone Defense Fund?
	Yes.
	So you can go to stone defensefund.com.
	Stone defensefund.com.
	And that helps finance a potential appeal or other legal action that I may require in this case.
	And beyond that, I just want to thank not only all of the literally hundreds of thousands now of Americans who have contributed to my defense, because I am at this point indigent, literally indigent, but I also want to thank the millions of people who are praying for me and praying for my family.
	Prayer has real power, real power.
	And therefore, I ask you to keep praying, and I believe that God will ensure justice in my case.
	We'll do that, Roger.
	We'll keep praying, and I'd love to have you back on very soon.
	When the 10 days comes up, are you going to turn yourself in?
	Well, if that is the order of the court, of course, I'm not going to disobey an order of the court, but who knows what will happen between now and then.
	My lawyers are still contemplating what action they might take.
	All right, let's get you in as much as possible then in the near future.
	Thanks very much for coming on.
	Great to be here.
	Great to be here.
	We avoid the coronavirus talk, but I had to mention this article because it mentions me, and this is the Gabbo-centric show.
	I'm surprised that this epidemic, this pandemic, has become political.
	You'd think discussions about germs wouldn't be related to Trump.
	But everything is political now.
	Yogurt is going to be political.
	There's people who have this white yogurt, Trump, and people who have tapioca pudding who are DNC.
	Anyway, I saw this article.
	What's it called?
	2.6?
	It's in the CBC, so it'll be very reasonable.
	We won't let COVID measures, COVID-19 measures strip our freedoms away, says U.S. protester.
	By the way, speaking of Canada, they always call it COVID-19.
	Justin Trudeau I always think it's his father Pierre just donated tens of millions to the lab in Wuhan that started all this I mean the level of How about giving money to that actual lab and telling them how fantastic they are?
	I mean, wow.
	That's a lot of money.
	Anyway, in this article, they say they show.
	The CBC will do the opposite of what, say, the National Inquirer does.
	So the National Inquirer will say, what's her name?
	Miley Cyrus wishes she was old and ugly.
	You go, whoa, that's interesting.
	And then you read the article and it says, she wants to get involved in acting and she'd like to play more mature roles.
	So they trick you.
	The CBC does the opposite.
	They have what seems like a reasonable headline so they don't get in trouble.
	And then in it, they Trojan horse all of this propaganda.
	So they find this guy, Charles Sykes, who is a never-Trumper.
	I think he's like an MSNBC contributor, one of these fake conservatives, like an Uncle Tom, I guess you'd call him, who goes on liberal sites and talks about how bad Trump is and how the right has lost its way.
	And they say, even conservatives hate him.
	So in this article, it says, one of the people in the picture wore a scarf over his mouth, which bore the proud boy's logo and made a white nationalist symbol with his hand.
	That's pictures down there a bit.
	Detmer said he had no idea who the group was before the image was taken, but has since spoken with its chairman and said he had found no evidence they are a hate group.
	What they say they stand for is protecting the First Amendment, which is freedom of speech.
	Second Amendment, right to bear arms.
	All of the tenets of protecting freedoms is what they say they do, he said.
	And then, this is not a First Amendment type organization, Sykes countered, describing the group as...
	Do you see him?
	I zoomed in on him.
	Yep.
	Describing the group as a neo-fascist organization, known for its anti-immigration, white supremacists, what?
	And anti-Semitic rhetoric.
	I love when they show this picture, too.
	That picture was when Ann Coulter was banned from Berkeley, so I flew down there and read her speech.
	Might be time to get a new tie.
	And so we're jokingly saying Uhuru, which is the Swahili word for freedom.
	And the SPLC always uses that picture, too, because they think it's a great example.
	This is actually in our lawsuit, in our complaint.
	We talk about that picture and how it's a great example of how I've been misrepresented.
	Uhuru!
	Yeah, Uhuru comes from making fun of that guy.
	Gatsikoto.
	Gatsikoto.
	In October 2018, the group and its founder, Gavin McKinsey, were banned from Facebook and Instagram over the social media sites' policies against hate groups.
	You see how you get to say something without saying it?
	If you see 2.7, this is this new magazine.
	They're really anti-Fuentes, anti-Michelle Malkin.
	They're called the bulwark, which drives me nuts because a bulwark is a wall.
	So they're anti-Trump, and their site is called The Wall.
	Isn't that awesome?
	An anti-wall site called The Wall.
	Anyway, where are we here?
	What?
	Like an anti-slavery site called The Noose.
	It's like, geez, guys.
	It's one of the oldest symbols.
	Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
	Okay, so finally, before we get to the mail, 3-4, I thought this was an interesting thing posted on my, Gavin read it, I think.
	It was a Psychology Today article.
	And I've seen this argument before.
	Is one sexual behavior triggering certain groups?
	That's another trick, by the way.
	When you want to say something incendiary, make it interrogative.
	And now you're like, I just asked a question.
	I'm not saying anything.
	Masturbation may well be one of the healthiest human sexual behaviors.
	This guy, by the way, has one arm.
	And I know it's low-hanging fruit to make fun of that, but isn't it funny that a guy who probably can't get laid and is stuck with one hand alone in his house is very pro-masturbation?
	So in this article, he talks about how Nazis and fascists are against masturbation.
	And so it's fascist to not want to watch other people jerk off.
	Even though it improves your marriage and it improves your life.
	And we've all tried this as an experiment.
	And this whole article says it's about shame.
	And that's why people hate it.
	No.
	Dude, it's like we quit salt and decided that our lives were better when we stopped putting salt on our food.
	It was a silly experiment that me and a comedian came up with.
	And we noticed it improved our lives.
	He's single, I'm married.
	It improved both our lives.
	Then we started telling other people to try it.
	And they all kept coming back going, wow, this rules.
	Porn was fucking me up.
	Do we have no celebrities calling in, you fucking retard?
	It's not my fault, but they They're not calling in.
	I told them.
	Oh, wait, we're getting a call right now, actually.
	How many assignments can you fail?
	Oh, Bill Burr.
	Yep.
	Hold on one sec.
	There we go.
	What happened to your skin tone there?
	It was looking at appropriate.
	Like, different.
	You know?
	Okay.
	Do you want to hear my tiger kick?
	Yeah, I'd love to.
	It's kind of brutal.
	Well, let's do it.
	Let, uh, that damn what's happening?
	Are you okay?
	Dude, it's fucking brutal, dude.
	It's like, dude, how many times, right?
	Wait, you're just doing Tiger King, but you're adding dude and brutal.
	Yeah.
	That doesn't.
	I don't do impressions very much.
	Okay.
	Well, thanks for calling, Bill.
	You're welcome.
	He doesn't.
	He's never done impressions, I guess.
	Yeah.
	I actually have never.
	That's the first time I've heard him do an impression.
	It's kind of insulting that he's just trying stuff out on your show.
	Hey, callers, if you're going to be calling in, I don't care how famous you are.
	Practice a little bit.
	Dinesh sucked.
	Burr sucked.
	It's disappointing.
	Anyway, go back to that article.
	This is an interesting little fucking paragraph.
	The Proud Boys is a group of young nationalist males, self-described Western chauvinists, who have recently been connected to numerous hate crimes, including public assaults, plural, on gay men.
	A central tenet of the Proud Boys belief system is the value of no wanks, claiming that masturbating makes men less likely to get dates and a way to push back against modern liberal culture.
	Now, you see the way that's framed?
	These guys sound like sexually repressed fucking cavemen who roam the streets beating up gays.
	I would love to contact David J. Lay.
	His name's Lay.
	PhD.
	He's a PhD in getting laid.
	And that means we should hit the mailbox.
	He's probably.
	Wait, did I just hear Tony Soprano?
	Yeah.
	He's probably a fag.
	He's probably a fag.
	Yeah.
	Tony, thanks for calling in.
	It's an honor.
	This is a really celebrity-studded episode, Roger Stone, Donesha Souza.
	Yeah.
	There's a lot of dedication.
	I was watching your show.
	I think it's very good.
	Thank you.
	Appreciate it.
	You seem angry at me for some reason.
	This is my resting gangster face.
	Okay.
	I'm looking forward to the prequel of The Sopranos with your boy there.
	Hey, he's going to do a good job.
	There's a lot of anticipation.
	Is he going to be talking like you?
	Is it going to be a very difficult way?
	Yeah.
	You know, but I don't want to give it away, but maybe there's something in my life that happened that maybe don't disappear.
	Maybe it was my trouble with mathematics.
	You got kicked in the throat or something?
	Yeah.
	Maybe it was a bad time at school.
	Okay, we don't have a ton of time, Mr. Soprano.
	No offense, but we're having people calling and do their tiger.
	That fucker gives our baskets.
	She's giving me a very difficult situation.
	I gotta add a little more southern in there.
	Okay.
	Jeff Rowe, he better watch his back because, you know.
	What?
	He's a fag.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling in, Mr. Soprano.
	I appreciate the effort.
	That's what I got to say about these celebrities.
	I appreciate them calling in.
	I like that we have famous people watching the show.
	I hope they advertise this on their respective Twitters.
	That would be fun.
	Do you want to do the mailbag thing, please?
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	This is fun.
	It's been a fun show.
	Is that Tony's?
	I forgot to hang up on him.
	Okay.
	Oh, this is an interesting twist for the mailbank.
	It's a letter from me to that doctor we just read about, David J. Lay, Ph.D. the one-handed, remember we did a video, we commented on him before in the video.
	Really?
	He was the guy that came with a stub, and it was a daily show thing where they were talking about masturbation.
	Oh, that's right.
	And I did a green screen, I made some joke about he jerked off to listen to the stuff.
	Oh, this guy loves jerking off stuff.
	Oh, yeah, that's his, he's a sexual therapist, but he's all about masturbation.
	How great it is.
	And if you don't like it, you're a Nazi or you're too religious.
	There's something wrong with you.
	It could have nothing to do with you trying it on a lark and finding out it was fun.
	No, it's in your deep-seated shame.
	You see, you're a shame.
	This is why I think psychology, the entire thing is a hoax.
	It's all bullshit.
	I remember there was a big coup about 10 years ago where they said, wait a minute, there's no way to do scientific placebo tests on this.
	Like you can't treat a patient and then they're better, right?
	And then go back in time and have not treated that patient and see if there's a difference.
	But you can do placebos with other things, just not with psychology.
	So it's not a science.
	And it was like the whole thing, yeah, fuels alt-right anger.
	What a strange position we put them in now, by the way, where they have to be pro- They're wankers.
	They're sitting there pro-masturbation.
	So he's talking about how awesome it is to be white.
	There's the old Charlottesville's got to get in there.
	There he is.
	...explained that the main proponents of this no-wank philosophy were the Proud Boys.
	Masturbation is lack of impulse control.
	The proud boys believe that not masturbating makes them more desirable to women, which brings up one question.
	Is it working for the proud boys?
	Research actually finds that less masturbation reduces testosterone.
	So there's...
	Oh yeah, then what's the...
	You see the dude just walking out that door?
	No.
	Compared to you?
	He's talking about testosterone deficiency.
	Those aren't the best of the Proud Boys there.
	Those are weighty folks, but they matter.
	Yeah, look at the lack of testosterone in these guys.
	John's about to kick the living shit out of an Antifa member.
	And he has three kids.
	And he made one of the kids from post-this fight to his prison time.
	Obviously, you look at the age of liberty, and she's younger than two.
	So there's evidence that masturbating makes you a more masculine man.
	A lot of really good things happen in your body and your brain.
	But also research is finding that people who watch.
	Have you noticed, by the way, his premise is based on the assumption that that's the only way you're getting laid?
	Right.
	Like he's, I bet all his research is about ejaculation and how you got to keep your pipes clean.
	Yeah, yeah.
	We're pro-ejaculation.
	In fact, in no wanks, in the rulebook, if this stupid asshole had ever done any kind of research, it says you can ejaculate, you have to ejaculate within one meter of your loved one with her consent.
	So if she's like pregnant, not feeling it, well, she can reach over and tickle your balls or something, and you can beat off.
	It's because you're still establishing a connection with your loved one.
	You're not sitting there alone with your pants down, staring at a bunch of meth heads in LA in the San Bernardino Valley.
	Rolling Stone is pro-Antifa.
	Yeah.
	Proud Boys dwarfed by antifa.
	Wow.
	I didn't realize that.
	Yeah, because there was a rally about free speech and like a million people showed up because they assumed it was a Nazi rally.
	So then the narrative becomes Proud Boys try to have a Nazi rally and gets drowned out.
	Like in Boston when, what's his name, Dr. Shiva, had that pro-free speech thing.
	And no one, and tens of thousands of people showed up to protest.
	Are there any celebrities calling, or do I have to shoot you in the back of the head?
	Oh, I was bouncing between the email here.
	You're not able to do your job, I think, is the problem.
	The joke's ruined, by the way.
	What joke?
	No, forget it.
	Forget it.
	Forgetting it.
	All right.
	So this is a fun little change of pace, because this first letter is actually from me to the one-armed man we just saw.
	Listen, Faggot, you said Proud Boys were homophobic because someone yelled that word in a street fight.
	There isn't a street fight on earth that does not include that word.
	There are more gay proud boys per capita than are represented in the population.
	Why not talk to them if you're curious?
	I'll tell you why, because you're not curious.
	You're an activist sculpting a narrative to further your agenda.
	Fuck you, faggot.
	And then he responds.
	This is a letter from Dr. David Lee.
	Leigh, PhD.
	He's got to put that in his signature so you know that he's a PhD in bullshit.
	Hmm.
	You call me a faggot several times and then wonder why I might assume you are homophobic.
	Meanwhile, I've explained the term.
	I am genuinely curious why you are writing me now.
	My comments about your group's strange relationship with opposition to porn and masturbation were last year.
	Question mark.
	And then I responded.
	I posted on a chat I followed tonight.
	Have you ever been in a fight?
	What words do you use?
	Jerk?
	We started No Wanx and a Lark and discovered it improved our lives.
	Many who tried notice the same thing.
	Talk to NoFap founder and your brain on porn.
	Lumping it in with Nazis because you notice Nazis do it too is fucking retarded.
	And then in brackets, oops, bad word, ableism.
	All dogs are mammals.
	All cats are mammals.
	All dogs are not cats.
	I recognize you now.
	You were on that daily show thing.
	We discussed this on my show.
	I want you to know you're a fucking amateur.
	Proud boys are in prison for lies like yours.
	You seem 10% smarter to fucking idiots when you say this bullshit.
	And black kids don't have a father for four years.
	Is that worth it?
	And then he says he's very, he's got a very controlled tone.
	Gavin, no fap and your brain on porn are pseudoscience.
	This is a guy who portrayed us as a street gang that roams the streets killing homos.
	People who were taught to fear sex and masturbation.
	Fear sex?
	Like, where did you get this shit from and masturbation struggle with it and feel shame about it that's why those groups are filled with young men from religious backgrounds yeah we know how many orthodox jews there are in the proud boys and born-again christians they use porn and masturbate and then feel guilty and ashamed let me guess their mother is involved somehow there's mommy issues maybe an eatable complex considering what role you want sex to play in your life and
	identity is healthy.
	Oh, good.
	But denying yourself doesn't make you stronger.
	No one's denying sex, you fucking retard.
	They're encouraging sex.
	I'm saying stop ejaculating alone.
	Start ejaculating with a friend.
	A lady friend.
	And shame just makes behavior change more difficult.
	He's anti-shame.
	And proud boys are pro-shame?
	Hmm.
	Yes, I've been in fights.
	Many, in fact.
	Street fights and martial arts.
	Bullshit.
	I have a black belt in BJJ.
	You probably have a black belt in BJ's.
	And train at Jackson's with UFC champs.
	When fighting, I don't usually spend much time talking.
	There are lots of folks on various chat groups who are sure they know all about me, and I'm sure they know much more than I do.
	I imagine those folks, don't say folks, get just as much right about me as the media gets right about you.
	No, you're the reason the media gets shit wrong about me, you fucking tard.
	You dolt.
	You dick.
	This guy is a fucking hack.
	We like to call him, we like to call him hack boy, because his arm got hacked off.
	So you make fun of handicapped people?
	I don't, you know, whatever.
	Okay.
	You want to hear it or not?
	Yeah, I want to hear your Tiger King.
	All right, let's go.
	Let's do it.
	Okay.
	Now, Carol Biscons, frankly, she's one of the, we like to call a tiger lady.
	Okay.
	Loves daggers.
	And then he just hung up.
	I think he's busy.
	He's got a press conference coming up.
	He should be more concerned about the pandemic than calling in on this to this show.
	No offense, or pardoning Roger Stone.
	I didn't even get a chance to ask him to do that.
	And now I go, no, you wrote an article calling a club with gay members homophobic.
	Your evidence was a paranoid gay blog that doesn't understand how men talk in a street fight, not your sanctioned gimp wrestling.
	You are pseudoscience and your lack of research is a perfect example of the bastardization of the PhD.
	It no longer means anything.
	I know the NoFap founder and your assumption that this is about shame is based on the assumption that it's linked to the Christian faith of the members.
	Masturbating to other people having sex is sad.
	It makes millennials too lazy to go out and meet woman, blah, blah, blah.
	We're much closer now.
	I've improved my marriage.
	And then he says, I, and then he says the founder of NoFap was raised Orthodox Jewish.
	Ergo, it's all about religion.
	And the founder of your brain on porn practices an Eastern religion called Kareza, an offshoot of Tantra.
	Ergo, it's all about religion and shame.
	You have to ejaculate is his argument.
	Yeah.
	Ejaculate with your significant other.
	Fucked hard.
	I get that you're interested in making me angry, disagree with my position, position, and feel like I attacked your organization.
	Beyond that, I'm uncertain what you were trying to accomplish with these angry attacking emails.
	Do you have a goal in mind?
	And then I respond and we're done here.
	You are well aware your article portrays my organization as a bunch of gay bashers.
	It's a ridiculous assertion.
	I'm correcting you and doing it in an insulting way because you're a stupid asshole.
	And that was the end of my discussion.
	That guy's not a bear.
	What a fucking dick.
	Oh, Owen Wilson.
	He's not a bear.
	He's a queer.
	Who's Owen Benjamin?
	That's me.
	Who's Owen Wilson?
	Oh, that's the guy with the broken nose.
	Yeah, he's the guy that talks with his.
	Wow.
	Sorry.
	Oh, you're doing Owen Wilson, Owen Benjamin?
	Yeah, I'm getting into it.
	Let's hear your Owen Wilson.
	Wow.
	That's it.
	Just wow.
	That's not even...
	His wow is like wow.
	Wow.
	Yeah, I don't know any lines from his movies because he's like a...
	Like a sodomite.
	And a Jew.
	Let's hear your Tiger King, Owen.
	Now that...
	Oh, by the way, Owen, sorry to interrupt.
	You are also anti-porn and beating off to porn, right?
	Yeah, it's degenerate sodomite.
	Stuff.
	We had a caller recently that said it totally improved his marriage and he's got like a third kid on the way and he's thanked both you and me in the same breath.
	Dude, it's life changing.
	It's like when you realize the earth's like flat, man.
	What?
	When it's flat.
	Why did you fade out towards the end there?
	Wait, what happened to your mouth?
	There's fingers coming out of your face.
	What the hell was that?
	It's damn carabashkins.
	Oh, that's your Tiger King?
	Let's hear it.
	Man, Jeff Lowe and carabashkins, they're, you know, they're Jews.
	And sodomites.
	I can't really...
	Just the Owen Wilson.
	That wasn't very good at all.
	Oh, it was tiring.
	I feel like I need a nap.
	Should we do a couple real letters?
	Yeah.
	Oh, by the way, three, five.
	While I was researching this Dr. Lay, I saw like, and I was looking at porn Lay, and I found this woman who calls herself the same name, Dr. Lay.
	And she does a type of porn, and you don't have to look away.
	This is not NSFW.
	She does a type of porn I'd never heard of before called hypnoporn.
	And as you're focusing...
	There's no nudity here.
	This is it.
	Just letting yourself take a nice deep breath.
	Inhaling.
	Nice shirt.
	And then sighing it all out.
	People have problems.
	I'm sure you noticed how as soon as you exhaled...
	Look at her cheap window.
	It's just a blanket nailed to a window.
	I thought you were a doctor.
	a little bit of a research who just nails blankets to their windows because when you breathe deep besides me it's inherently relaxing.
	And I want you to be nice and relaxed.
	She's very pretty.
	So that we can talk about a few important things that you're going to learn.
	So relax.
	Uh-huh.
	And breathe.
	As you're just focusing on me.
	Inhaling calm, exhaling tension.
	What is happening?
	She's not even saying anything pornographic.
	No.
	She's just speaking.
	Like ASMR.
	That's the kind of chick who's totally in control and you're attracted to her independence and you guys date for three months and then you're like, she's boring and stupid and weird.
	She loves crystals.
	And then she gets psycho.
	Do you think she believes in crystals?
	Yes.
	She's a fan of cats.
	Wow, we have a lot of letters.
	You know, I saw a reader suggest that we get Nate Ober to start handling the male burden.
	That'd be great.
	We have hundreds of letters.
	We have only one Ober, though.
	Okay.
	E, this is from a guy named Ed.
	I hope it's not big Ed.
	Can I nangak you?
	Can I nangak you in the in the middle?
	Wait, nanlick.
	Nanlik?
	Something lick.
	Can I eaglek?
	Can I eaglek you?
	Please?
	That's not a bad.
	You need a ponytail.
	That's it.
	And mayonnaise.
	Can I ninglek you?
	Oh, pretty.
	I can totally dress up.
	Why don't you go in the bath?
	Do we have Nate?
	Nate.
	Hey, what's up, man?
	Dude, we got an 8 hour.
	Nate's on the line.
	How you doing, man?
	Sleeping.
	I'm all right.
	How are you guys doing?
	I don't think it's very goth to have facial hair.
	I know.
	What are you doing?
	Are you changing your whole vibe?
	I just been, you know, relaxing.
	What do you do with the white makeup when it gets into the beard zone?
	Oh, I don't do that.
	I've never been doing that or anything.
	Really?
	So, yeah.
	Where have you been?
	Here's a...
	Then my mom took my way.
	It just gave me a Roku.
	So I can't get the cell anymore.
	Wait, how are you communicating with us now?
	On my phone.
	Can't you watch it on your phone?
	Dude, we have an app.
	Well, I don't have enough, you know, data.
	I don't have a limited data.
	Why'd your mom take away your internet?
	She is discussed about what sites go into.
	She's really paranoid.
	Well, that sucks because we wanted to give you a show, Nate's Mailbag, where you just read our letters.
	What if we supply your data?
	I'm worried about these meds taking away what makes Nate Nate.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I was doing good, though.
	I'm doing good.
	Yeah, I don't want you to do good.
	I want you to be Nate Ober.
	I want you to review goth manic makeup and manic panic.
	With studs on your head.
	It's like Superman being just Clark Kent.
	Yeah, we don't want Clark Kent.
	We want our Nadie back.
	All right.
	All right.
	We'll contact you after the show.
	We'll try to set something up, all right?
	Okay, I'll talk to you later.
	All right, Bob.
	Good morning, man.
	Later.
	That was weird.
	And when is it not?
	What do you expect?
	But if you take Nate Ober's goth away, then he's just a guy living in the trailer reading letters.
	Yeah.
	In fact, I was going to say I don't want him to do the show unless he's not in full makeup.
	Unless he is.
	And in that, like when he's reviewing things, but instead of reviewing things, he's like, okay, this is a message from Jennifer.
	She's got something to hate as a subject.
	That's how seriously we take all of your submissions.
	We appreciate them so much that we'll have...
	Oh, yeah, sorry.
	We just usual show.
	Can you turn it up?
	Steampunk goggles that come with an extra set of colored lenses that you can insert for only $14.
	I sent this to Fred Armiston.
	This one has a really fast shipping.
	Three days or so.
	Next, we have the Florata Copper Side Brothers.
	We got those, by the way.
	For the Nate Ober.
	Oh, yeah, we bought those.
	What was that?
	Was that for Halloween or just no, we did a Halloween episode where you were Nate Ober.
	Do you not remember?
	Yeah, I don't remember.
	I don't think it was on Halloween.
	I think it was just to do it.
	I love how he's like outer space alien goth, but has Lenscrafters glasses on.
	And Lostway.
	Lost Roy.
	So we found him because when you did your speech, it was behind a green screen talking about there was some announcement that you made, right?
	And so he took that and he put like this crazy skull graphic behind it.
	And then we went to that rabbit hole and found our speech popped up on my feed.
	Thanks, Algorithm.
	You brought us Nate Ober.
	That ruled.
	All right, this is from Ed.
	Keeping me sane is a subject matter.
	And that's what I'm hoping to do, by the way, with these Hawaiian shirts and not talking about the stupid pandemic wear.
	People seem to be getting more paranoid.
	Like the past few days, I don't wear a mask.
	And when I went on that hike with my family, when we came up to people who were going the opposite way, they would go into the woods like 20 feet.
	It's not cooties.
	My friend Ron has taken to going, bah, every time he sees someone with a mask.
	Now, if you're in a grocery store, whatever, fine.
	But like people are in their cars with a mask on and gloves on.
	You're in your own car.
	Bah, bah.
	I thought there was another good solution someone sent me besides going bah, just a picture of a shotgun.
	Where is it?
	That was a real Jim Norton joke.
	Oh, don't worry.
	Oh, yeah.
	When they yell at you and go, where's your mask?
	You go, my body, my choice.
	Ah, good one.
	So, my body, my choice.
	But yeah, I'm partying, dude.
	I still got to work it out with the missus, but I want my kids to go on, you know, relatively controlled play dates.
	This is a buyer-beware era we're in right now.
	Yeah.
	It is a buyer-beware type.
	Is that Kermit the Frog calling?
	No.
	Kermi, you're my favorite puppet.
	I can do a Kermit the Frog impression, but that's no.
	Jordan Peterson.
	Oh, hi, Jordan.
	Kermit the Frog sounds like this.
	No, I don't.
	Well, there's a similar sort of a squelching of the vocal cords.
	Sure.
	Squeezing.
	Squeezing.
	It's all the meat.
	Yeah.
	It's like up back here.
	I went to Bubba and Hank's and I got a lot of meat.
	Because that's what I eat.
	Yeah, I had some Bubba and Hanks steak last night that my kids barely ate because they ruined their appetite with Doritos because they can't bear being hungry for more than two seconds.
	I think maybe Carol Baskin's tigers thought that her ex-husband's name was Bubba or Hank because they treated him like meat.
	Now, damn Carol Baskins, I tell you what, she's caused me so much trouble.
	I hate her so much.
	Jordan, we have had people calling all show, including the President of the United States.
	Oh, wow.
	And you were the first person to do a decent Tiger King.
	Thanks.
	I appreciate it.
	Clean your cage.
	Okay, I've been trying to get to this email from Ed for a while now.
	Thanks for being one of my major de-stress valves.
	That's a nice thing to say.
	The mix of wit, unpredictability, and irreverence to the left helped keep me sane.
	You guys are so good at it, if you will.
	Please, more Dr. Now impressions and more cracking wise on my 600-pound life and 90-day fiancé.
	We get that a lot.
	Excuse me, I don't know why you're lying to me.
	Why you say that you have to follow the plan and then you put on 50 pounds?
	Why are you lying to me?
	He sounds exactly like Miss Quan or Quinn.
	Miss Swan?
	Miss Swan from Mad TV.
	So excuse me Why are you lying?
	So the patient There's Dr. Now.
	I don't think you could do this today.
	This is back when you could do a Chinese voice.
	I'm sorry, we're closed.
	Ma'am, we're already closed.
	You've left something?
	All right, hold on.
	You wait right here.
	I'm going to go to the Lost in Found.
	I'm going to get you something.
	Having some stuff.
	No, no, no, no.
	I went to pig.
	I'm picking.
	I'm pig, I'm pig.
	All right.
	Fine.
	Okay.
	We have to do this quickly, alright?
	Because I have a date.
	Ugh, big boy.
	You got the date.
	Wait, that's not how I remembered it at all.
	I remember it being exactly the same as Doctor Now.
	It's way more Chinese.
	Maybe it evolved over time?
	Because I do remember it a little different too.
	Excuse me.
	And you remember we stumbled on Doctor Now by creating a new character.
	And it was the most annoying person imaginable who was like on the plane.
	Excuse me.
	She was me.
	He's playing Candy Crush.
	Why don't I have Candy Crush?
	She's excuse me.
	She excuse me.
	I did it to my kids in public until they were in tears.
	Not laughing.
	Begging me to stop.
	An emergency ambulance.
	What do you think?
	He has an infection.
	He has an infection in his hemorrhoids because he got shit because he can't wipe his ass.
	He's pissed in this one.
	I don't know.
	You're the doctor.
	I don't know what you're going to do about it.
	We're going to have to lose some weight before we can do anything about it.
	Yeah, I know that, doctor.
	I understand that.
	I'm just saying about the bubbles on his legs, they keep on multiplying like the blisters.
	Well, that's a product of poor circulation when the fat smothers the blood vessel and the tissue is dying.
	This is impissed, I think.
	There we go.
	Saw some hand.
	No, I've never seen a mad before.
	A lot of people are working for you, and me and Miss Swan have headed up to here.
	What are you doing?
	Excuse me.
	Guessing getting selled to the 750 pounds.
	150 pounds.
	And he does his part, or I'm two with you.
	Two.
	I'm two with you.
	Understand this?
	You're two of you.
	Okay.
	So I'm sick and card of wasting my time coming here, bringing all the people working for you, and you do nothing.
	We need you to help us.
	We don't need to.
	No, fuck that.
	Stop feeding this thing to death.
	That is exactly what I'm doing.
	I'm offering you help, and the problem is that you're abused that out and you're lying about it.
	And you too keep wasting all the energy and resources given to you.
	And you're saying you need help?
	We don't have to be degraded and put down like that.
	He's lying.
	I'm not degrading you.
	You're the one who is degrading everyone here.
	When you come in and undo all the weight loss and rehabilitation we give into the world.
	Every time I watch this show, I feel like going up to the not fat one, like the mom and the sister, and going, you realize you're fat too, right?
	Like, I know you're not as fat as that, but you're like 100 pounds overweight.
	Yeah, they could use this situation to be like, so you know, this is you in the future.
	Like, you have a gun.
	Genes hurt you.
	They should just be like, he's lost forever, but this is you.
	It doesn't stop.
	We have so many medical supplies in these hospitals that they're starting to sprout their own kind of surgical medical supply weeds that grow out of the top of the bed.
	James, can you swell your body decaying in film?
	Is it something that bothers you?
	Doctor, no, blow your nose.
	Doctor, no, why can't we do anything about it?
	I don't know.
	I ain't had no antibiotics or nothing.
	Antibiotic is not going to be your problem.
	Your problem is your weight.
	I understand that, doctor, but you got to get the infection now.
	And the whole antibiotic in the world is not going to take it down.
	The body and the body in the world is going to not take it down.
	There's an antibiotic that makes you not hungry.
	Look, you had to lose the weight.
	I noticed that.
	Fucking Karl Buskins.
	I've been to hospitals a few times and you can hear.
	Doctor now fucking killed Buskins.
	She fucking killed her husband and fed him to the tigers.
	And he didn't lose the weight.
	He lied to me.
	He paid $3,000.
	Dollars.
	This is a letter from a sweet girl named Jenny.
	Gavin, you have taught me to hate so many things.
	And for that, I would just like to say thank you.
	Hate has a home here.
	You know, I've noticed too, by the way, that I need hate in my life.
	Like, I went to Jamaica once, and it was a beautiful resort.
	It was a kids' resort, so there's Sesame Street characters everywhere, and the kids are running around having a great time, and there's nannies for every room, and it's like kid paradise, so you can relax as a parent.
	And I'm in heaven, and I just think, I need hate, I need to hate.
	So we were at the buffet, and there's jerk chicken and all this cool Caribbean food, as well as like normal, nice food.
	And some fuckwit puts like 60% of his food, he makes it mashed potatoes.
	I am done.
	You're gone.
	I'm done.
	And I just thought, what the fuck, you fucking plebe.
	What are you in jail?
	You're eating just mashed potatoes for your fucking dinner.
	You're wasting all this food.
	You're such an asshole.
	You're such an unadventurous prick.
	And I just hated him.
	And then once I found my enemy, I could relax and I would see him and I'd just look away in disgust.
	And he's meanwhile walking with his flip-flops like, what the hell is that guy's problem?
	I am the aunt angry.
	So even on the hike yesterday, I had to choose an enemy.
	And at one point, there was one of these couples who went like 20 feet into the woods.
	And as we were walking by, you're supposed to go when you cross people, it can be a little tedious, sure.
	But you pass people and you go, hey.
	Or sometimes you go crazy, like, how you doing?
	Good.
	But at the very least, you go.
	So she does, she's sick of that.
	She's got her fucking mask on and she just goes like this.
	Wow.
	She's like, I don't need your charity wave, bitch.
	How dare you?
	And sometimes we'd cross paths because we're still in a very metropolitan area.
	So a walking path, you're going to keep meeting the same people and crisscrossing.
	So I kept seeing her just think, you fucking cunt.
	And then when we were done the thing and getting back in the car, I could see her leaving the path.
	I was like, there's that fucking bitch with her charity wave.
	Warp.
	I need.
	When you saw her.
	Yes.
	I need to warp.
	So, yeah, hate has a home here.
	You turn around.
	If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have disgust for flip-flops, men in superhero shirts, or understand the fact that animals are complete and utter losers.
	I would like to pay it forward and give you something to add to your list.
	Thank you, Jenny.
	I hate it when people say a snake is poisonous instead of venomous.
	Poison is something you ingest, inhale, or absorb through the skin.
	Things such as dart frogs, poison ivy, and arsenic.
	Venom is venom is something an animal injects into your bloodstream.
	Snakes, spiders, and bees are a few examples.
	Both are toxins.
	However, a distinction must be made in the manner in which the toxin enters your body.
	Give Ryan my love and keep doing what you're doing, brother.
	Sincerely, Jenna.
	You know what's funny about this letter?
	I have taken that on.
	Just now.
	I dated a chef once, and she fucking hated it when people would put their napkins on their plate when they're done.
	And she's like, you just made it into a garbage pile.
	That was your plate you're eating out of.
	Now it's in the garbage.
	Were you eating out of a dumpster now?
	Yeah.
	And then when I, I didn't quite get it at first.
	And she goes, okay, if you're smoking a cigarette and you're having fish and you're done, would you put the cigarette out in the fish's eye?
	And I go, no, that would make my plate an ashtray.
	She goes, see?
	And from then on, I cannot bear it when someone puts a tissue.
	I'll take it off and stuff it under the plate.
	And people always go, but I'm helping the waitress out.
	Oh, you help people out now?
	Do you go to the sewers with the sanitation guys and help them shovel shit?
	Do you greet the garbage guy at the end of the driveway and help him load up the dumpster?
	Yeah, when a public garbage is full, do you like tie it up on the top?
	She doesn't need help.
	She can pick up a napkin and make it garbage as it gets pulled away.
	And even pulling away, she doesn't, this girl, Susan Winemaker was her name.
	She didn't like to see people throwing all the shit and assembling it all before they take it away.
	Take the dishes out of my sight and then make them garbage over there.
	And I took on that, and I'm officially taking on this on my back, on my burden of hate.
	I am taking on this.
	But Jenna, I want to give you something back to get mad about.
	I don't know if you know this.
	I don't know if you're on the internet that much, but I would say more than half of the time you see a dollar sign, it's on the wrong side of the fucking number.
	As in $10 is 10 dollar sign.
	Now, it's starting to happen to percent in the opposite way, but we are drifting into a majority wrong placement for the dollar sign.
	And it makes me insane.
	Also, you don't...
	Someone was hanged.
	Things are hung.
	People are hanged.
	Mikey!
	All right, last letter.
	Oh, wait, that's way too long.
	Who sends me like a 10-page letter?
	Wait.
	You know how it ends, though?
	How?
	Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.
	Okay, here's something.
	Speaking of hot chicks.
	And ladies at home, does it bother you that we keep showing hot chicks?
	Is that lame?
	I mean, I guess I would feel like a homo if I was watching a show and it was, they'd have a hunk alert every 10 minutes.
	Right.
	But women look at magazines that are all pretty girls.
	I think it gives them ideas for hairdos and shit.
	Let us know in the mailbag if this is bothering you, because I kind of enjoy it.
	And I don't see it as like, I want to leave my wife for her.
	It's more like looking at beautiful cars.
	People, there's a new thing called simping.
	It's not a new thing, but have you heard that?
	No.
	It's like just ogling over women in general.
	It's called simping.
	That doesn't sound very good.
	No.
	It's like cucking or it's just as shameful as any of the other online things.
	Okay.
	And I'm like, oh, I guess I'm above it.
	I guess I'm a simp.
	Hi, G-Dog.
	Sorry I missed the window for the hot chick episode.
	I was behind on my viewing.
	You mentioned you love a car shows.
	I got a great combo for you.
	There's a reality car show on Netflix called Car Master.
	Car Masters, Rust to Riches.
	I'm very familiar with it.
	Thank you.
	The engine expert is a chick named Constance Nunes.
	Gab, I believe she's right up your alley.
	Check out season one, episode one.
	It's six minutes, 25 seconds in.
	Look at her.
	I've watched Car Master's Rust to Riches, and I've never seen her before.
	Is she...
	Let me see.
	The engine expert.
	We don't need to find it.
	You can just have it.
	The engine expert is blah, blah, blah.
	These reality shows are usually made up BS, but she seems to have real knowledge of cars and engines.
	On my scale, she's a nine in nine territory.
	What do you think?
	Well, the pictures you sent are definitely nine territory, sir.
	Wow.
	Now I feel like a simp.
	You just ruined ogling chicks.
	What's the other one?
	Move me.
	Great ass.
	You don't often see that with Hispanics.
	And then we have the Instagram.
	She's kind of got that square.
	She's kind of got that supermodel thing.
	Which is kind of a bummer.
	That like Victoria's Secret thing.
	and you know what in the future Let's get a little more esoteric, guys.
	Like, if it's totally obvious that she could be a successful supermodel in magazines, then...
	Yeah, let's find someone weird that you're surprised you're attracted to.
	Yeah, let's make that the new criteria so we're not simps.
	Like if 99% of the world would shit their pants when they saw her, then doi.
	All right, I think that's enough mail for one day.
	Let's take a little trip down to the final video.
	Shall we?
	There's a bunch.
	Yes, so let me choose one.
	I thought this was interesting.
	I like to call this Iron Jaw.
	This is 3-6.
	This guy should get into boxing.
	Not the guy doing the fighting, the guy taking the punches.
	I would have been out a long-ass time ago.
	mimicking noises
	Two, three, four, and he's out.
	Five, and he's out.
	Six, and he's out.
	Honey, it is out on the cement.
	How can that not be a brain hemorrhage?
	Yo, dude, lie down, lie down, lie down, lie down.
	Get my tacate.
	Whoosh.
	Look at that iron jaw.
	Those are all perfect and right on the chick.
	Why wouldn't you start defending your face?
	Because he was doing a like that all you got, bitch.
	Oh, I think.
	And he thought he could deke it.
	He's obviously had a few beers, and he thinks he's fucking Mr. Pro is going to be like, there's a video of a guy deeking like so good, just based on head movements.
	There's a video of a guy deeking so good based on that headphone.
	Ryan, there's a million of them.
	Is there also a video of a car crashing?
	Oh, that reminds me of my new favorite kind.
	I actually didn't number it.
	It's between 40 and 41.
	And don't try to go find that video with the largest possible net cast.
	A guy deeking.
	Do you know how many boxing videos I watch every day?
	He goes up to strangers, gives them a boxing glove, and says, try to hit me.
	I won't hit you back.
	It's awesome.
	It's pretty cool.
	Okay, just pause.
	This is my new favorite public freakout video is cars getting involved.
	Like that first one was cool and you saw a brutal knockout and whoa, that's heavy.
	And I wonder what that would be like to knock someone out of that bad.
	But then you're like, I want more.
	Well, how about getting cars involved?
	This is where it's really satisfying.
	So it was just a dumb girlfriend.
	They always do the same thing.
	They grab the ham.
	They do this kind of a thing on the head.
	They never seem to connect.
	You never see them with a bloody nose.
	You know?
	Okay, so she's dirty.
	She tries to get in her car.
	No, but stop.
	Stop fighting.
	Stop fighting.
	Let's just end it.
	All right?
	You go in your car.
	I'll go in my car.
	And it's over.
	The end.
	Oh, maybe not quite yet.
	And she says, fuck it, I'm getting in my car.
	Locks the doors.
	And now we're done.
	And now everyone can go home and just go, wow, we really dodged a bullet there.
	Oh, wait.
	She breaks the door off.
	Isn't that awesome?
	Imagine you were watching that right now, like you were there.
	You'd go, oh, this just keeps getting better.
	And look, she doesn't leave.
	So now they're mad.
	You're not going to be able to close the door, my dear.
	Now she reverses, nails her again.
	It's Demolition Derby.
	Hey, Kyle, you better go that way.
	Look, by the way, cameraman, you got to get up high.
	Yeah, and you're in the danger zone, stupid.
	There's another, now she gets revenge from the side, and she's revving her.
	Don't get out.
	Watch out.
	This is a good one.
	Close his door.
	I'm so jealous of everyone who's there.
	And then let's take him to the stream.
	Don't hit my car, don't hit my car.
	Oh my God.
	Help!
	I'm gonna walk out.
	Baby, you guys serious?
	What?
	serious I can't remember if this ends with another collision.
	That would be pretty great.
	Oh look, she's come back.
	I understand it.
	Trying to get her license plate, probably.
	Yeah.
	Is that jail?
	Are they going to jail?
	I wouldn't be surprised if they don't.
	Max and John get four years.
	This girl's got probation and like a year and a half suspended license.
	This is a no-bail offense in New York now.
	Vecular attempted manslaughter or whatnot.
	Really?
	You know, Philando Castile, the one everyone loves and says he shot them when he was with his family.
	That was his thing, his auto crimes.
	And not parking tickets.
	Everybody forgets he had a gun in the car, too.
	And he wanted to reach for it.
	Yes.
	Oh, yeah, this does get better.
	I remember now.
	I wouldn't waste your time.
	How satisfying is that?
	And we're all like, stop, stop.
	What do you mean, stop?
	We've gone too far?
	Only in the 80s, though.
	What did he say?
	Only in the 80s, look at that.
	You know why I like this?
	Because this is what you always want to do in your car.
	You're like, I wish I could just smash into someone.
	Wait, is that a rental car?
	That beamer?
	Look at that.
	You missed it.
	Look at the front plate.
	Oh, maybe.
	Or maybe it's going on a test drive?
	Screams
	Oh, so that sound we heard was a hydrant.
	Yeah, hydrant getting knocked off.
	Too bad he missed it.
	See if we could hear it.
	Cameraman.
	When you're videotaping us, focus, please.
	Focus on the trouble at hand.
	Didn't it turn out she's pregnant too?
	How do you know?
	I've seen this.
	I've never seen that before.
	Have you?
	I've never seen a fire hunter get.
	No, in cartoons, yes.
	Yes, I've seen it in cartoons.
	Like the mask or something.
	I've seen someone sit on it and then turn into a balloon.
	I've seen that.
	Never actually seen it used to put out a fire before.
	I've seen underprivileged children playing in the middle.
	Apparently they work.
	They're full of water.
	Now you need to go!
	You need to go!
	I don't give a coat.
	Oh, okay.
	She's letting the young man know that she doesn't give a...
	Thank you.
	you've made that abundantly clear.
	Sometimes your actions are weird.
	By the way, in case anyone's curious, I don't give a fuck.
	Don't say.
	I don't know if you give a fuck, but you've caused major damage to a different vehicle.
	It's literally raining right now because of you.
	Because you lost your temper.
	Basically, storm from the exercise.
	You're basically God.
	You're so mad.
	All right.
	Let's do one more.
	This is a pick-me-upper.
	Number 42.
	Oh, this is a happy one.
	Nice happy one.
	Let's end on a happy note.
	Because we like to party here.
	Get off my line and we like to keep it chill.
	42.
	Okay.
	Playing pretty weird.
	Let's see.
	No volume.
	No sound?
	So, it's got some chairs there.
	The fence seems to come down.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Oh, that's cool.
	How awesome is that?
	Corona party.
	Jinkin pox party.
	Hell yeah, brother.
	Thanks for tuning in, guys.
	We'll be here tomorrow.
	I want to get Faith Goldie on the show tomorrow to talk about this shooting where 16 people were killed in Newfoundland or something in Eastern Canada.
	No one knows anything about it.
	The guy was wearing a cop uniform.
	I guess we'll know more tomorrow when she comes on.
	And I also want to make fun of female comedians and how everything has to be about come tits.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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