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April 15, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:13:54
S02E151 - HOT CHICKS [2020-04-15 - S02E151 - HOT CHICKS]
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Time Text
Hello, folks.
Welcome back to Ryan is Incompetent and What the Fuck Is He Wearing?
The acronym for that just being G-O-M-L.
Ryan is dressed in a hot chick's PJs today here in the future.
Coming from the fag zone.
Anywhere I go is now the fag zone to you?
I picked him up this morning.
We drive into the city every day.
And I go, are you going to change out of your pajamas?
And he goes, these aren't pajamas.
I go, yes, they are.
They're hot chick with big tit pajamas.
But this is a special episode called Hot Chicks.
And we're going to go through the hottest chicks in the world today and argue and rate.
Now, I don't want to ostraciz our female viewers.
So I want to have some caveats here.
Ladies, I want you to understand that we know we're gross.
Ryan knows he looks like a funny little pygmy from the jungle with the weird little monkey face and he's a midget and his nose looks like he was in a car accident.
He understands all that.
I know that I look like Donald Sutherland with AIDS.
I look like someone who died about seven years ago.
And maybe I did.
Maybe I did.
So we know we're nothing to write home about.
This is like fat dudes sitting on the couch talking about athletes and saying, get your shit together, deGrom.
Fucking worst pitching inning ever.
Meanwhile, we throw like this.
You get it?
By the way, that's always a funny thing to do if you're in a park.
Grab a ball and throw catch to your buddy with your left hand.
You see how you do?
Yeah, well, yeah.
I've always said if I ever get an opening pitch, I'm going to do one of those left-handed ones just to humiliate my family.
So everything has to be taken with a grain of salt.
We realize we're nothing to write home about.
So don't get offended.
Well, I don't care who gets offended, but don't be hurt, ladies.
Oh, here's another caveat I want to add.
Some of you will be sitting there, some of you ladies will be sitting there looking at your gunt and going, oh, what?
She's not even pretty enough for him.
Men aren't like that.
You'll notice if you watch 650 Pound Life, she's married.
The biggest, fattest, ugliest pig at Walmart has a boyfriend.
So it's not like we sit around and we go, you're either Sophila Ren or nothing.
We have weird tastes, and one man's garbage is another man's treasure.
So I'll be, you're probably going to send me like what would be considered a nine today, and I'll probably go, nah, no thanks.
Now, that doesn't mean that I only do tens.
It means that there's plenty of sevens that I would prefer.
And we discussed this the other day when I was talking about how Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, my dick just falls off.
Now, there's other girls that are not hot.
Like even, you know the girl from Eastbound and Down?
Yeah, she's more of a woman.
With the chubby cheeks.
Now, obviously, in Eastbound and Down, she was through the roof, especially when she had a tit double for the boob scene.
But she's presently in a sitcom where she's a fat pig.
I'll take her over Katy Perry.
And it wouldn't be a compromise.
I wouldn't be going, fuck.
Like, I would much prefer modern, what's her name?
Let's see.
Katie Mixon.
Obviously, that's when she was super young.
But I would take today's Katie Mixon over today's Katy Perry or Lady Gaga.
And the reason I'm saying that to you ladies is to say we don't sit here and go, tons or nothing.
We go, and this is why I love this game.
This is why we made this show because it's not a science, it's not an art, and it's not based on prettiness too.
Judging hot chicks isn't necessarily about being hot.
That's where it gets spooky.
For example, Victoria's Secret runway show.
Of course, yes, very beautiful ladies.
I'm not blind.
I'm not kicking any of them out of bed for eating crackers.
But I don't think about it.
I'm not sitting on the train going, how about those Victoria's Secret models?
Like when there was in Grand Central a few months ago, there was a big display for them.
And every time you got off the train from Grand Central to Times Square, you'd come in the subway and there'd just be like a thousand of them.
And I remember just going, yep, very attractive young ladies.
In and one air, out the other.
So that's one thing I have to get across.
Secondly, I apologize.
I am starting this show with a failure.
And that is, I had a chick ready who was going to change the game.
I can't find her.
Now I need you, as the research public, to help me with this.
It's an action movie.
It's from the past three years or less, maybe two years.
She is Mexican.
She has long black hair.
She's a real demon with the guns, one of these double guns type of chicks.
It's pretty, I recall the movie being pretty absurd.
Not like machete absurd, but pretty over the top.
Like you could still see Mark Wahlberg in it, though Mark Wahlberg's not in it.
I thought it was Miss Bala, but I just researched that.
It's not that.
She's a villain, and she's like the godfather.
Like she runs the whole drug cartel, gun running thing.
She is like the Pablo Escobar.
I believe she's in Mexico.
Another clue is I believe they had money hidden in the walls.
So when these guys go to rob the place, they have to rip open the walls.
I think.
Yeah.
Now don't go up down Sicario route.
That's humans in the walls.
And it's not that kind of a movie.
This is almost funny.
Like it's just a there were They weren't trying to impress you.
This is not a drama.
This is a silly action movie.
Oh, and she's super classy.
Like, I see her wearing a black dress.
She's not like in a t-shirt and jeans or anything.
She looks like she's going to the Academy Awards.
So see if you can help me with that.
And it's really hard to research because you look up action movie drug cartel and you end up with a bunch of documentaries.
No, this is over the top.
Dude, fucking call Mikey.
So see if you can find that Mexican chick.
Come on, man, Mikey.
Should we start with the 10 that I discovered?
The 10 that you discovered.
Okay, don't show her face.
Oh, actually, can you want to show something first?
Look up Sophia Lorenz strip teas.
Because a lot of the stuff we take for granted as the most beautiful woman in the world, no one can ever compete.
I'm not that impressed.
Like, remember we had...
Was it from the 70s?
Yeah, or 60s, I think.
Just the three stooges?
Don't burla!
Put on a disco.
Spogliate.
Spogliate.
See, this is when movies began and everyone overacted.
What kind of garbage language is this?
Italiano.
Now, I always thought of her as, like, if you had said to me, who's the most beautiful woman from the 60s?
I'd just go Sophia Ren.
But I think the chick from BBQT that we had on, who got kicked off her label for having the song Savage, has a similar look and is much hotter.
I think BB King is hotter.
Her nose is too bird-like.
Now, ladies, I know you're at home going, oh, I'm sorry, Sophia Loren's not good enough.
That's not what we're saying.
And get me out of there so we can see.
Oh.
To suspiribhisa percay.
Amen.
Amen.
All right, that's enough.
What is this film?
I don't know.
Is it just that?
Yeah, it's just that, Ryan.
It's a bedroom strip tease.
This is before they had porn.
Okay, I think we should do it.
It sets the tone.
So, Machete, go before you see her.
Before you see her.
Machete is a silly cartoon movie, Danny Trejo, who, by the way, is an awesome guy.
Super funny dude.
Great interview.
I've never met him, but I've heard him interviewed.
He had a horrible life, prison, probably 10 years of prison over the years.
And he got into action movies just because...
He was a good source for what prison is like, what bad guys are like.
He was a bad guy.
So this movie, he's a cop.
He's actually a cop right now in Mexico.
And the drug cartels have kidnapped this girl.
I think they've brainwashed her into being on his side.
And I would say about twice a year, you see a chick where you go, it's like someone's putting a hot poker right up your butt until it comes out your mouth.
I was alone when I saw this and totally involuntarily I was going, and then I could slowly get back to earth and just do normal stuff like go, oh my god, holy shit, oh my god, oh my god, holy shit, what the what the fuck?
It's like God overdid it.
He played his hand here.
God, if you're playing the poker of creating human beings, you want to have your cards like this.
You don't just go, bah, full house.
All right, folks, are you ready?
This is, I think, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
This isn't the finale, this is the jumping point.
This is the jumping point.
All downhill from here.
Possibly, yeah.
Well, I want to put this first because I want this to be a reference.
When someone shows us some pretty cheerleader and we're like, dude, what did we start the show with?
Myla Leia.
So when you're calling in, we'll have the number on the screen and you're sending us broads.
Please let it be the action movie broad I opened the show with.
But also know that this is the level that we're dealing with on today's show.
Okay?
Hold on to your hats.
Oh, stop, stop.
NSFW boobies coming up.
It's not a sex scene.
So I don't think it's the end of the world if kids see this by accident.
It's just a naked lady.
You see it in France on the beach all the time.
But yeah, if you're not into, if you don't like boobs, you don't want to see boobies, maybe fast forward a bit or something.
But here comes some boobs on a 10.
Boobs on a 10.
That's what we should call this episode.
Boobs on a 10.
Oh, there's some more massacres before we get there.
Boobs unattended.
I don't really know what that means.
Oh, my God.
It looks like their heads were just hanging by a thread already.
Okay, here we go.
Pause.
Oh, what?
Take me under this so we can see your feet.
So we can see your feet.
Well, they're hidden.
All right, put me back.
You know how they say Mike Pence wanted to help, what do you call it, convert gays by electrocuting them, which was a dumb rumor based on a long thing I've explained a million times.
But I would take this to conversion therapy for gays and just have it on like a piece of poster board and be like, all right, let's start with this.
We don't have a number two.
We don't have a second method.
This is it, by the way.
There's the wrong colour.
I know there's a whole center and you're waiting in a lobby and the nurse brought you in.
Let's see.
You'll notice there's no degrees on the wall up here.
This is just a doctor's code I got on Amazon.
This is it.
And by the way, we're at 100% success rate.
So feast your eyes on this.
What is that?
That beats Sophia Loren and Raquel Welch.
What a juxtaposition.
Hello.
Just pause.
What is that?
What is that?
I'm being born again.
And you know what else with those lips is you can tell they're not fake.
When someone has their lips and their tits done, what the fuck?
She's got the kind of age in the eyes.
Yep.
What?
Kills her.
Can you turn it up?
No, she's so pause.
So she's acting kind of drugged.
By the way, that bum, after seeing the front, could have a penis hanging off of each butt cheek.
And I'd be like, well, we could work around it.
Yeah, there's always room for improvement.
Yeah, we'll keep them, you know, well-groomed.
And I'll just, you know, hope she doesn't sit down when she has erections.
Go ahead.
Oh, uh-oh.
What is that thing?
She's pretty comfortable as an actress being nude.
So she's acting drugged.
That looks like me.
Just pause.
Go back a second here.
What in the Sam hell is this creature?
You know what she is?
She's a freak.
Like, if you were at a pause.
Say you're at a party and some friends are over, right?
And Ryan comes over and we're all hanging.
Hey, yeah, you shower and I'll shower.
No, it was, yeah, it was, I hate naggers, but they misheard me.
And then Ryan shows up in his woman's PJs and someone, his friend is severe, severely burned.
Like one of those ones that just has the stub hands and the weird nostrils with no hair and no ears and just the hole in the hole.
And then the teeth are like this kind of hard, you know?
And he's like, hey man, this is Mark.
We would all go, hey, hey, what's up?
Pretend we don't see anything.
All right.
Grab a seat.
Can I get you a beer?
Can you drink beer?
I'll get a straw.
All right.
Just have a seat.
Game's starting soon.
And great to see you.
This is Artie.
This is a guy we call Machete.
Okay, so you got that scenario, right?
When everyone goes, oh, hi, hi.
It's the same if anyone, like forget Ryan, if anyone walked into a room and she was there, she's as much of a freak as a burn victim.
And you would go, oh, hi, hello.
And your wife would be all pissed off.
Oh, fuck.
That's great.
Now I look like a fucking idiot troll.
Get the bitch out of here.
You just ignore them like the handicap people.
Like people in wheelchairs, you never stare.
You're just like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's that level of beauty.
Like she could be the circus side show could have like the bearded lady, a snake with two heads, the fucking insane 10, the man with no arms.
Same with Jackie.
Because he was beating up to the lady who's a 10.
Jessica Alba's also in this movie, and she's that level, but no, Jessica Alba is like a nine.
Look at this fucking thing.
Wow.
Actually, she's so hot that if someone, if a guy drew that, I'd be like, holy fuck, man, you have a gift.
What the fuck?
Turn it up.
What's this long, hard thing?
It's an erection.
Is it sharp?
The people are trying to kill us.
We don't really have much time there.
Ah, why'd you do that?
That's a femoral artery.
Look at her little perfect butt and her hair.
She reminds me of Eva Mendez, who's also in my top five.
Whoa, look at that.
She has a cell phone up her cooch.
She's only a nine in that shot.
Even her hair.
I think most of it is the hair.
No, most of it is the eyes.
They're Betty Davis-like Segal.
Oh, Robert De Niro's in this.
And then look at that hideous four that you know casting couched away into this movie.
Oh, no.
Yeah, it's over the top.
This is nothing.
And this is all in the first two minutes.
This is Robert Rodriguez?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never liked him.
Well, it seems like kind of a Tarantino wannabe.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's a good movie to have on if you have a bunch of buds over and there's no bird victims around.
That's enough.
And you're just like, you want something to sort of watch, but also be able to riff and stuff, and you're not worried about, you know, missing any plot points.
Oh, I'm going to put the call number up.
We also have the Discord.
Going, Erwin.
God, I hope people can help me find this fucking chick.
They might have.
You want to tap in?
Yeah, let's tap in.
I've said my view.
And by the way, it's one more thing.
The reason that we started the show with legs is because fashion-wise, and that's a big part of being a hot chick.
That's our ideal.
1980s fucking stilettos with little frilly socks.
The chat is now unmuted.
So if they're listening just to the stream, they won't hear this for another 15 seconds or so.
But if they are listening right now, if they could hear me, then they can start chiming in.
Hey, guys.
Hey, so we got a call in from Vesh.
Weird name.
All right, Vesh, you're on.
Hey, Gavin.
I was just wondering, like, what a five looks like to you.
And I mean, it should be right on top of the bell curve, you know, but what, like, height and weight, blemishes, acne, you know, what are all those things that factor into that fat part of the bell curve?
That's a great question, caller.
Thank you for your call.
I would say Mindy Kaling at her peak was a perfect five.
And I've always had a dream to, after leaving Vice, I was happy to be done with magazines and editing and stuff.
But I've always thought it'd be fun to go back and have a six magazine, and you'd have this like breathtakingly gorgeous six on the cover of six magazine.
Because would they want to do it?
Hey, Mindy, good news.
You're on the cover of six.
I thought it was more of like an eight.
But anyway, Mindy Kaling now is drifted into four territory, I'm afraid.
Yeah, putting Mindy Kaling on the front of six magazines is like putting Bruce Jedder on the front.
Right, I shouldn't have said Mindy, but look up young Mindy Kaling.
That strikes me as a five.
You're worried about her future?
I don't know that young.
Not when she is five.
When Mindy Kaling was five, she was a total five.
When Mindy Kaling was a child, I didn't want to fuck her at all.
Yeah, that one's pretty good.
Like with the lab coat on.
Okay, you're the white coat.
Yep.
Lab coat.
Like that's that to me is a breathtakingly gorgeous five.
Personally, I don't think Indian women can go above a seven.
Okay.
What about Padmar Lakshmi?
Typical looking woman.
Look up her, Padmar Lakshmi.
Welcome back to Hot Talk, where we look at chicks.
Lakshmi.
And by the way, fives, there's nothing wrong with a five.
You don't want to be your friends to see you with her.
Padma is a solid eight.
Always has been, always will be.
She'll be an 8, 80-year-old.
But I got a letter the other day and it said, I'm going through a tough breakup.
What's your advice?
You got to get your feet back on the ground.
You need to fuck some fives.
Get five fives under your belt.
And the beauty of fives is you can relax.
I dated a model when I lived in Montreal.
I think about her 0% of the time.
One night in New Orleans, I boned a big, fat four.
And that plays in my mind once every couple months.
So it's important to eat potatoes sometimes.
Not everything has to be a delicious meal.
And fives are good to practice on.
That's how guys talk to one another.
Okay, next call, and I'm going to find an interesting chick, an interesting letter that helped inspire this whole show.
All right.
All right.
Next question is from Titus.
Titus, you're gone.
Hello.
Yeah, I'm here.
Hello.
Hey, man.
So, okay, I guess my question is, classic beauties.
Who's like the dream girl from like, you know, the pinup era, 1560s?
Who's that blonde chick who was looking at her tits?
Jane Mansfield.
I think Jane Mansfield might be the hottest classic chick of all time.
What do you think?
And it's tough.
I mean, Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I can't go wrong with that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What's her name?
Anne Blanken.
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Ann Hepburn.
Audrey Hepburn.
Yeah.
You know what's interesting?
She's easily one of the most beautiful women of all time.
You know what's interesting about her?
Okay, thanks for calling.
You know what's interesting about her?
She's from, what's the tulip place that has the tulip festivals?
Where they invented the tulip?
Anyway, they have a they had it really rough in World War I and II, and we're starving to death now.
This tulip festival, Amsterdam.
Just think tulips.
Where are tulips from?
Is it Hungary?
Dutch heritage.
Your education.
Guys, pay a little bit of attention in school.
Where are tulips from?
I don't know if they ever told us that.
Tulip.
Here we go.
Tulip, blah, blah, blah.
Doopy-doopy-doo.
Oh, fuck.
Anyway, wherever that's from, her family's from, right?
And they starved so much that their bodies, the people who couldn't do this died.
And the ones who survived the two world wars were able to need almost no food to survive.
So Audrey Hepburn could have like a stick of rice, like a rice krispie a day and be fine.
That's why she was so thin.
It was a genetic freak result of the world wars.
And her ancestors ended up with the opposite problem and all suffered from severe obesity.
A geneticist told me that.
Belgium.
Belgium, that's it.
But by the way, go back to Audrey Hepburn because she has that nostrils thing that Sophia Loren had that was very popular.
I'm getting over it.
It's a little too bird-like for me.
She looks very girlish.
She does.
She's too far.
She's very, very feminine.
And Jane Mansfield was not looking that feminine to me.
She looked like one of the guys.
She's like, hey, boys.
She is pretty fucking incredible.
Who are we kidding?
Tobacco voice.
You know who is an absolute dog?
That, oh, come up and see me sometime.
What's her name again?
Of course, Ryan.
I learned it from you.
So she was known as a brassy broad.
She kind of invented the brassy broad.
Mae West, M-A-E-W-E-S-T.
She was the first sort of pin-up woman.
And I remember I used to do imitations to make my parents laugh.
Like, come on, big boy, peel me out.
Gripe.
That's how she talked.
And she was like the first feminist, the first badass.
And that's funny and everything.
And it was a cool, she was like the Oscar Wilde of chicks.
I looked her up recently and I was like, holy fuck, you were hideous.
Yeah.
Not looking great.
What are you on?
Daily Motion?
Yeah, I'm trying to get a clip of her talking her guff.
This is her on Mystery.
That's your Ed.
Yeah.
Hey there, you big horse.
My calling card.
The queen of hearts.
Thank you so much.
Maybe that was the joke I'm missing out here.
That she's gross.
That she's fat and ugly and thinks she's a little pew.
You've met my wife?
Yes.
Won't you sit down, honey?
You don't dare sit down in this gown.
It's standing room only.
I know you only have a few minutes, so why don't you step out of my office?
May, if you're watching and the joke was that you're not hot, then I apologize for not getting the joke.
Just a Randy Pig.
Hey, big boy.
Why don't you appeal me?
Great.
Should we go back to the Discord, or should we take a call?
We could take...
I'm going to have to...
What are those?
Yes.
Are they pajamas?
It's called a co-op.
I mean, it's called a co-ord.
Co-ord.
It's a two-piece men's set.
So it's the top with the magic bottoms.
Yeah, we saw them.
But it's called a what?
Either a co-ord, like a coordinating thing, two-piece, or like a two-piece.
You could buy these yourself.
Well, we're not going to get lunch together.
What do you mean?
I cannot be seen with you.
It's worse.
It's not just so much that it would hurt me, but it would hurt the town.
Yeah, this was a big running joke.
What's that called?
I wore it on CR-TV.
A jumper.
Yeah, a romper.
Romper.
No, rompers are different.
You're wearing a romper, dude.
No rompers are one piece.
Yeah, well, you're a few stitches away from a fucking romper.
Yes, correct.
And men wearing rompers was the big joke of 2019.
Everyone was laughing their heads off.
That's you.
You're literally a joke.
Well, don't tell me that.
I mean, I like to take myself as seriously as possible.
So this was really off-brand, and now I'm hurt.
No, now he's trying to pretend it's a joke.
Like, was the suit you were wearing yesterday a big joke suit?
Was that a comedy tie?
I like LARPing.
Like, this is hilarious.
This is good.
And it looks good.
It looks fucking gay.
You look like you're in drag.
It looks rad.
David, you could agree with me here.
Come on, David.
Hold on a second.
It takes...
Hey, guys, how's it going?
Good.
How you doing?
Doing fine.
Hey, Hot Woman, my wife makes me watch this show called This Is Us.
It's a big cry fest.
But Mandy Moore plays like a late 70s housewife, stays at home.
It's the most understated, hottest thing.
Want to get your take?
All right, let's check it out.
So don't just look at Mandy Moore.
We want Mandy Moore from This Is Us.
This is Us, yes.
Yeah, maybe even the character's name would be better.
Oh, yeah, that's, you know, there's something about women with kids that are housewives where your brain goes, I know everything works.
Like when you see a junkie, you go, we can't breed with that.
It's going to die.
Or when you see a big fat pig, maybe one of the reasons, oh, that's a rough picture of her.
Maybe one of the reasons that fat is unattractive is that you look at that person, you go, I don't know if she could make a baby.
I don't know if she could breed.
I don't know if this shit works.
But when you see this and they've got things coordinated and they've got the kids' markers ready for school and stuff, you go, this is a person I could spend the rest of my life with.
She's obviously functional and I have a boner.
Now, what are you doing?
Absolutely.
She looks a lot like John Lee Guizamo in this picture.
What?
No, she does not.
All right, thanks for calling, buddy.
Yeah, I like seeing housewives.
Not when they're wearing like fucking crocs and sweatpants and all that shit, but there is something very attractive about a housewife.
It's a sin.
You know another one that's weird?
I don't know why this is.
Anchor women.
If I see a six doing the news, she's an eight.
Maybe it's because it looks like she doesn't need me and she has her shit together and she's organized.
Or maybe it's because they're just done up and stuff or they look smart.
I don't know what it is.
But anchor women get a pass.
All right, next caller.
Are you there?
Charlie.
Hey.
Hey, man.
Hey, thanks to you and Owen Benjamin.
I am off porn and off beating off for the last six months.
Aren't you just a happier person?
So much happier.
It's unbelievable.
Thankful every day, just like walking around whistling.
It's unbelievable.
I couldn't imagine watching fucking runaways again.
It disgusts me.
I feel permanently like I always felt after I ejaculated.
Now, are you in a relationship?
I got married a month after I stopped watching porn.
You son of a bitch.
So now your wife is just constantly pursued.
You guys are in the honeymoon phase of your marriage and just fucking...
Yeah, we're not trying, but we're going to start really giving it to her.
And being good at it.
Yeah, you know.
No protection, no pulling out, no nothing.
It feels so much better when you're fucking to make a baby.
It's just like you're more in tune with God and nature.
Oh, yeah, it's the best.
But back from my porn days, I have one, she's not a porn star, but somebody that for some reason, looking at her at first, you say seven, but for some reason, the more I saw her in music videos and stuff, she like turned into like this like gross, but in a dirty hot way, into like an 8.5.
It's the weirdest thing.
Charlie XCX.
Okay, well we will dig her up.
Flip her up.
Thank you very much for calling.
I remember her, Charlie XCX.
But she wasn't a porn star.
She was a musician, right?
No, no, no.
He's not saying that.
But he's saying, you know, he doesn't wank off anymore, but he would to her.
Now we're looking at a man's wink material.
That's kind of weird.
That's not interesting.
But yeah, Charlie XCX.
You know, it's better To see videos of chicks, Ryan.
Yeah, are you like that chick I opened the show with?
You saw a picture and you're like, very pretty.
But when you see her move around and her dopey eyes, you're just like, holy penis pumps.
Dopey eyes.
Put it on our dancing shoes.
Going to the discotheque.
Getting high and getting crazy.
I don't want to go to school.
Getting hard and getting wet.
Trashy.
That's why he thinks he's trashy because the word trashy is in her video.
i am the king it says You notice the difference between this and legs?
Like, legs, the girls were kind of silly and tough and to a fault.
I don't really like that.
But this is even more like, like, I'm a brat.
I'm a fucking bitch.
I'm cool.
Yeah.
I don't really agree with the caller on that one.
That was not my cup of tea.
Very young looking, too.
He said she's a grower.
He said that after a while.
Oh, I see.
Back from my days of watching porn, my favorite was a young Ava Devine.
Ava Dine?
Pull that up.
Avad.
And make sure you get young because times have changed.
But I found back when I would watch porn that I would almost get monogamous with it.
Careful, don't show like disgusting porn stuff.
I'm not trying to.
We have the save search on.
This is, they're all clothed.
Oh, cool.
But I think.
Yes.
Find me one then.
Let's go strict.
And nothing comes up.
Yeah, that's right.
Just a picture of a bird that's named Ava Devon.
Okay, let me see.
What do we got?
She's from Long Island.
Now that's too long island.
This is grossing me out.
This is not.
Yeah, porn stars aren't.
We don't count them as people.
Yeah, it turns off.
But, you know, we were talking earlier about women who don't necessarily seem hot, but there's just something about them that drives you nuts.
And that's the eastbound and down chick I was doing.
But you might not agree with this, but Tiffany Hadish has something very elusive about her.
No?
Why are you laughing?
Just coming up with a couple jokes that I would never say.
Okay.
Because they're mean.
I know what you mean, though.
She seems like a fun person.
That's not a great picture, but there's something quirky about her.
Yeah, that's maybe it.
Her man shoulders.
Well, that's not the best either.
Again, video.
It's like her attitude, right?
Her bitchy attitude.
I don't know if I find that attractive, though.
But I just, I see her in trailers sometimes, and I'm thinking, I can see why Kevin Hart books her for everything.
You guys take Walmart.
Why did you cut away from me?
Hey, I'm Tiffany Haddish, and this is everything I eat in a day.
I'd be funny if it was just like seven cheeseburgers, lasagna, fried chicken.
Usually I stretched my hands and I say, oh, I made it to another day.
New chance for new beginnings.
All right, that is very nice.
All right, I sent you two emails from guys.
One of them was an Instagram chick, and the other was about this show today.
Okay.
Wait, no, that's a different one.
Oh, no, that's one yet.
That's a fucking bunch.
All right.
Okay, let's see what he's got.
It's froze up for a second.
Here we go.
So this was from a viewer named There we go.
That looks like a Landa Del Rey type.
Okay, this is an interesting conundrum because you can reach a level of beauty where you break it.
You're not affected by it anymore.
Yeah, it goes through the glass ceiling.
And it might be because I never got chicks that hot.
So what you do is, just like Audrey Hepburn's genetic code managed to process just a tiny bit of food and keep them skinny, maybe my brain said, look, you're never getting a Lila blue.
So let's make you into more ethnically ambiguous, kind of slightly chubbies.
You know what it's kind of like.
And then, you know, you get enough food.
Good, good, at it.
You know what it's kind of like?
It's like you put a, like what they would consider a perfect nose or whatever.
You put all these things together.
It's almost like if you wear like Gucci shoes, Louis Vuitton shirt.
Yeah.
It doesn't mean it coordinates.
Yeah, but also bogus looking.
Says the guy wearing a co-ord.
It's also like a super group.
So you got Roy Orbison and remember that band that had the Traveling Wilbury's.
They were good though.
You like Steely Dan all of a sudden.
Yeah, those super groups, they got all the right ingredients.
They always have a name like Snapchat microphone or like what was it?
Revolver, Velvet Revolver.
Something nice, but also Snappy.
Like booby bear trap.
Chickenfoot.
That's one of them.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
And you listen to them and you go, these guys suck.
So Lila Blue, I understand everything is perfect, dude.
Go back to those pictures, Ryan.
Okay, well, I opened up the other ones because I thought we had demeaned her.
Everything is great with Lila Blue.
And obviously, if that was, you know, my girlfriend, I'm walking down the street, people will go, holy shit, how did you get her?
But I also know that I'm going to leave this picture and never think of it again.
That machete chick is burned in my retina.
Okay, so now he goes down deeper and he brings up the chick who was married to Steven Seagal, who was in Weird Science, who is an insane smokeshow.
Girls don't really have curly hair anymore.
Have you noticed that?
Yeah.
That was very common in the 80s.
Now they got to straighten it right away.
Maybe it's an anti-Semitic thing.
So what would you say she is in the movie Weird Science?
Let's see the video, right?
Sure.
What the hell is it?
Weird Science Girl.
What is her name?
I don't know.
Do you know the movie Weird Science?
No.
Well, actually, I know it.
I never seen it.
Instead of playing video games, you should probably catch up on some classics just so you can be part of the show.
You know what Ryan was doing yesterday?
We don't care.
I FaceTimed him because he doesn't answer his phone.
And I could see in the background, he was playing a video game where he was a woman.
Yeah.
So he's wearing woman's pajamas today.
Oh, her face is pretty intense.
Intense.
It's okay.
Just sit here.
I'll take care of this.
Is she British?
Yes, marry.
You get the hell out of here before I throw you out.
Don't threaten me, owl.
You're out of shape.
I'll kick your ass.
I'm going to make this real easy for you.
Look at her hair.
I'm taking Gary to a party.
Over my dead body.
He's a good kid.
He studies hard.
You've got no complaints.
He gets a bit much with the 80s, but I think that's a nine.
Anyway, what the fuck was I talking about?
Lila Blue and then Super Groups.
No, you always do this.
Oh, yeah.
He's playing a video game where he's a woman.
Yeah.
What's it called?
I'll show you right now.
It's called Horizon Zero Dawn.
And I go, why didn't you just choose the male guy?
And he goes, you can't.
I go, so you're playing a woman's video game where he has a nice ass and a beautiful thin waist, voluptuous breast.
No, she's actually very conservative.
And she wears Viking garb.
Yeah, sexy Viking garb, dude.
You know, she's pretty.
She's not sexy.
She's not pretty hot or sexy.
Look, look at that.
Her face is a bit.
You look up her skirt when she does a flip.
That's Ryan's game.
I'm looking at my enemy.
First of all, it's a video game.
That's Ryan Katsu Rivera.
Gorgeous.
You're not a sexy woman.
You're a gorgeous woman.
That is a four-word.
I was a butch chick.
Yeah, look at her.
She looks like Ronda Rabbit.
Listen to his argument, folks at home.
The chick that I was pretending I was wasn't even that sexual.
And I will be pretending.
Yes, she was wearing a leather crop top, but she was kind of butch.
I'm basically a butch chick.
She's showing no sexual.
Okay, nice argument.
Ryan's a butch chick.
She's showing zero midriff, just some arms.
Okay, this is a, we're sort of jumping ahead to the mailbag, but not really.
This is a letter we got from a guy named Bill.
I've been a fan of you again for a few years, but after yesterday's show, which is now, I think, two days ago, where you question the appeal of tits, I'm seriously considering unsubscribing out of spite.
How could an, in brackets, alleged, heterosexual male not love breasts?
I include here the most extraordinary beauty currently bouncing on earth as evidence.
Her name is Adriani Fenice.
The feed stopped for whatever reason.
Somebody just emailed about that.
So it's back up now.
Okay.
Well, how long was it down for?
I don't know.
I mean, bad feed today.
You got 1239.
Okay, 30.
I got that at 39 after.
Okay, so that means it probably went down at like 1235.
Maybe like 15 minutes-ish.
Yeah, for fuck's sakes.
But we have all this recording.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the people in Discord can hear this.
All right.
If you don't think she's a perfect 10, then you, sir, are what we call a faggot.
And then he shows us Adriana.
This is Bill, right?
Geomel and Bill.
Yep.
Oh, this is bananas.
He likes this?
This isn't.
Remember I said that a hot chick was a circus freak?
It's like a freak show, boy.
This is another circus freak.
These are the elephants in the room.
Like, don't get me wrong.
I'm not going to kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
And I've had four beers and I'm going six beers and I'm going home alone.
This is going to be a hell of a night.
She looks like your Dutch neighbor.
No, she's very, very pretty, Ryan.
Face-wise, that's an eight.
Too doughy.
What?
To be an eight?
Too doughy.
You know, when you say there's she's too many strong features, she doesn't have enough strong features.
That's not true.
You're not looking at enough pictures.
And her eyebrows are too thick.
Her eyebrows are too thick.
You're making me mad.
She has bulldog jowls.
Okay, now I'm getting genuinely angry.
But show fucking pictures.
We're talking about tits and hot chicks, and you have me.
Why did you leave the Instagram page?
To get from the email, which I was looking at, to the Instagram page.
That first picture doesn't look like her.
It's not.
That might not be her, no.
Follow my wifey, I see.
Oh, my God.
Like, come on.
This is not healthy either.
Like, she's going to have serious back problems.
Like two human torsos meeting to be one.
That would be great for one night, but that's just, come on, that's just ridiculous.
And it's kind of embarrassing.
Like, you know the show Pimp My Ride?
I've always said I would be embarrassed to have one of those cars in my driveway.
Like a green car with a DJ booth in the trunk and like a swimming pool on the front and flames going up the side.
This is kind of embarrassing to take her out.
You'd have to make her wear a pea coat everywhere you went.
Yeah, come on, dude.
Are you nuts?
Ridiculous.
This is P.T. Barnum material.
Fucking P.T. Barnum.
All right, let's take a call.
All righty, let's go back to the...
The Discord.
Okay, we got a call from Amers.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Gavin.
I was just going to ask you, because I know you watch Howard Stern.
And sorry, there's a lot of echo, but.
What did you feel about when Howard Stern, when he like always judges girls and stuff?
And they strip down to their bikinis.
And they, like, a lot of them that he loves, like, they're very skinny and they don't have like any shape to them.
So I was wondering what you think about that.
Like, why would he be like, oh, she's a 10 or she's so hot?
But reversely, if she has a booty, he's like, ugh, no, I don't want that booty.
No.
So what do you think about that?
Yeah, it's why you don't like the butt chick.
It sounds like, and I do listen to that all the time.
And you're talking more vintage stern, but it sounds like he's low T. He's low T. He likes his woman skinny and small and weak.
And I think it's the girls that rejected him in high school over in, where was it, Rockland County, Rochester in Long Island, and he never got laid.
Then he got popular, and sort of like Robert Crum, there seems to be an element of revenge in their lust where it's not benevolent.
It's like, you fucking bitch, where were you when I wasn't fucking famous?
Like, they want to get revenge.
And I also think he's creepy about it.
Like the way he goes, I heard a vintage episode just yesterday in the car, and it was Fiona Apple.
And he's like, you got a crop top on there?
You want a crop top for Howard Stern?
And she goes, yeah, I knew that you'd want to see that.
And he goes, your stomach is as flat as a board.
And I just thought, what a weird thing to say.
Like, what's your problem with a bit of a gunt?
Unless you're a pussy.
So, yeah, I don't like his lust.
It smells like revenge of the nerds to me.
I think what we do is a lot more loving.
It's quiet.
Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
Next.
All right.
Next call is from Rhesus Puffy.
Let's see.
All right, you're on.
Awesome.
Gavin, you need to realize the synergy between asses and boobs.
Thanks.
And I think that those can be displayed in Monica Bellucci from Matrix Reloaded and Christina Hendrix.
Thank you for your call.
That's an interesting point.
Have you noticed, by the way, that when you have big, great tits, there's often no ass involved.
Conversely, when a woman's ass is two bowling balls hanging out as best friends, the tits are rarely there.
It's like God doesn't want you to be spoiled.
It's very rare you have big tits and a big fat ass.
And by the way, another thing about body types that we should discuss is we don't really care how fat you are, and that includes cankles, if you pay your waist tax.
So your ass can be this and your tits can be that if your waist is that.
But if your ass is this and your waist is this, similarly, by the way, if you're a tiny person, you have a tiny ass in a tiny waist.
Well, now you're just a 12-year-old boy.
God, those dreads were so corny.
Yeah.
Wait, the dreads aren't in this one.
But yeah, they are corny.
I just saw them in that scene.
That's why I said the dreads.
The dreads.
So let's see, Monica.
No dreads.
What?
What are you saying, Ryan?
No dreads.
The dreads are in that, with that entourage.
One of the guys is white dreads.
He's cut off the screen now.
You think I thought Monica Bellucci had white dreads?
Are you not watching what I'm?
How did you miss that?
Why would I say the white dreads are corny?
Because you remember this movie?
Oh, yeah.
Oh!
Wow, that's a big win for you, huh?
Next.
And who else did you say?
Christina Hendrickson?
I couldn't really see the ass in the tits in that clip, sir, but she is incredibly appealing.
And she looks pretty old.
And that's what I'm getting.
Maybe when I, one thing you'll notice young men is you see 30, like when you're 20, a 30-year-old is like ancient and a 40-year-old makes you want to barf and you're like, gross.
Then you get to be over 32, I'd say.
And all of a sudden, well, you don't find 16-year-olds attractive, but your range stays with like 19 and goes all the way up to 50.
You have, it just goes, your spectrum explodes.
I heard Steve Coogan mention it in the movie The Trip, where he goes, one day, you're just like, massive, wide range.
I didn't see Christina Hendrickson.
Christina Hendrix.
Oh, is that what he meant?
Yeah, she's great.
What is she?
And by the way, speaking of that woman who just called, Howard Stern would hate her.
That's way too much woman for him.
He couldn't handle that.
And it is a lot to handle in July when it's humid out, I got to admit.
Wow, that's a great shot of her.
What would we give her?
You're a tiny little monkey man.
I don't know.
You could just sort of scamper around her.
I could have her dress me in my rompers.
She probably wears bigger shoes than you.
I'm going to help buy my romps.
I'm going to give her a...
I think it's a very solid eight.
Which often happens with redheads.
That's an eight, though.
It's a dictionary definition eight, cover of eight magazine.
Solid eight.
In fact, we should put together a chart of what's a one, a two, a three, a four, a five.
Like definitive?
Yeah, and then she's like the definitive eight.
And Tarana Burke is a definitive three.
And then that's actually tricky.
What do you do like with a burn victim?
Or what if an eight gains a lot of weight?
Then they go down.
Right.
I don't think burn, if you have something like, well, what about a super hot chick in a wheelchair?
What about a super hot chick that stinks?
What about a super hot chick who has Kermit the frog legs because she's paralyzed from the waist down?
Well, then she's half freighted.
And then obviously people go, well, what about a 90-year-old?
If you're not sexually viable, you're not on the spectrum.
So no one says a five-year-old is a hot five-year-old, right?
So it starts at whenever their sexuality starts, depending on that particular state.
17 is probably the youngest you could go.
And it ends around when like 60, I would say.
Couldn't you say eight top five bottom?
What?
Couldn't you say eight on top five on the bottom?
I don't know.
I don't feel right including them.
It's cheating.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It sucks when the bottom rating is better than the top rating.
All right.
That's very mean.
Next call.
All right.
Next call is from Big Black Chalk.
Hey, man.
You're up.
Hey, Gavin.
Hey, dude.
So I have a Bombshell supermodel that's Absolutely going to change the way you think about Down syndrome.
Really?
I've never seen a hot one.
Her name is Madeline Stewart.
I emailed over some stuff to Mailbag.
Okay.
Madeline Stewart.
And why do you find her attractive?
I think it's illegal to fuck her, by the way.
I'm just going to look up for it.
Because what is your email name, by the way?
Hello?
Hello?
You'll love it.
Got it.
All right, I just searched.
Madeline Stewart.
Oh, does she actually have Down syndrome?
Yeah.
Oh my, dude.
To have sex with someone with Down syndrome is, I think, illegal.
It's the future.
Thank you for calling.
The future is handicapped.
He's right.
Isn't that weird, though, that a person with Down syndrome is sort of denied their sexuality?
Yeah, thus their humanity.
Like, what about a 25-year-old person with Down syndrome?
They should be able to have sex with another Down syndrome person.
Well, that, yeah.
Shouldn't they?
Yeah.
I don't think they can get pregnant.
couldn't they?
So if you see a pregnant Down syndrome chick, it means she was raped by definition.
That's all Pat Dixon was trying to say when Bonnie McFarlane got pissed on that episode.
Where you stepped in and you brought the facts.
Well, he was stealing my joke.
Oh.
Go ahead.
Next, we got Ryan K. Ryan Kaye.
What's up, Ryan?
You're up.
Come on, man, Mikey.
Hey, Ryan, you're up.
Who, me?
Well, you blew it, Ryan.
All right.
That's all the calls we have right now.
Okay, let's go over to the message board, the switchboard.
All right.
His name is Doug.
Hey, Doug.
What's going on, guys?
I got one for each of you based on what you don't like.
Okay.
All right.
So for Gavin, Jillian Turner.
They're both from Fox News, too.
Jillian Turner from Fox News.
Okay.
And for Ryan, Susan Lee from Fox Business.
I don't like Asians, so I really don't like it.
But here we go.
Susan Lee.
All right, so this is you.
This is Jillian Turner.
Okay, I got beef with Jillian Turner.
Her personality annoys me because she's a Midwesterner, but she knows that sounds hokey.
And to avoid the Fargo thing, she has an affected Connecticut accent.
Where she tries to sound like a Kennedy, this sort of fancy chick from Connecticut.
You might be off a little bit.
Is the Secretary of Defense?
She's born in South Africa.
You just showed her.
As of now, Justice Ginsburg remains under close observation at George Washington's.
Close observation in downtown D.C. and assumed to be the minority party in the United States.
You show the fucking video charge.
He confirmed to reporters his meeting with the Saudi foreign minister Adil al-Jubair in Bahrain and reiterated.
As of this hour, the hospital is of this hour.
I'm not from the Midwest.
I'm actually kind of a very Northeastern kind of a girl.
I went to Yale with Ann Coulter.
So that affects my rating, but I'm not blind, so that's going to be...
We got to start doing points because they're all eights for you.
Your 8 scale is so all over.
8.2.
This one, I can guess Ryan's rating.
I think it's a 4.
A four?
Not a four.
You know what?
She's a five.
She's a 6.3.
You just jumped 2.3.
Yeah, 6.3 is fair because I'm going to say a very beautiful 6.1.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right.
Thanks for your call, sir.
Interesting insight.
I don't want to go against your type.
I'm talking about this Asian thing for everybody.
What do you mean?
I don't like them.
Why don't you like them?
They're square.
Their face is too sharp.
Their skin is so smooth, it feels like porcelain.
Cool, so I'll rub one down or something.
Have you ever slept with an Asian?
Yeah.
Slept with an Asian?
I've known you two.
I've known you two.
As well.
As well.
You as well.
Sarah.
Wait, did we do Madeline Stewart?
Oh, yeah, we already did.
Sorry, that's the Down syndrome.
I should cross it off the list.
Go ahead, Sarah.
G-Dog.
Yo.
This is not Sarah.
Okay.
Oh.
The girl is Sarah McDaniel.
Sarah McDaniel.
Sarah McDaniel, yeah.
She has fucked up eyes, but she has like a cartoon body.
Oh, Jesus.
What the hell?
She a robot?
What is going on there?
I never heard of her before.
She looks like a cartoon.
You know what?
That's how you get to 10 status.
Oscar Wilde said, pretty is pretty, but only ugly can be beautiful.
Wow.
And she's enough of a freak that she's a 10.
What's her deal?
Is she an actress?
I think she's a model.
I found her on Instagram.
She goes by Krochi on Instagram, K-R-O-T-C-H-Y.
Oh, we just saw an article that say she's lying about her eyes, like she has a blue contact or something.
Heterochromia.
Heterochromia iridium derives from the old Greek word heteros, which means different, and chromus, which means color.
There are some or you're hazel to have it.
And one is green.
Yeah.
Brilliantly blue, and one is, and one is a hazel.
Yes.
When you were like a little girl, did you like it, or did you think I want to be like everybody else?
I didn't like it.
I don't like the way he talks to women.
I still, at times it's very annoying because I get asked a lot into other things about me.
Ooh, look at this.
Expose.
You saw it here first on GOML.
Expose, expose.
Her own dad calls her out.
Wait, wait.
Wait, go back, go back.
How else do people get exposed lying?
Exposed.
Stop.
What does it say?
You know the kind of person who, even if they're totally caught in a lie, keep lying forever?
My daughter with her real brown eyes.
Why would you be exposing your daughter's lie like that?
That was weird.
My daughter, Sarah, the homophobe.
Homophobe?
Jeez.
I guess because she has hetero eyes and she's homoiphobic.
Oh, I get it.
You know?
Sarah isn't sleeping with anybody, but her boyfriend, they've been together for years, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Just come clean about the eyes.
Stop hurting other models by using their pics and saying it's her.
Reflect on the LGBT community in relationship.
Oh, maybe she is anti-gay because he keeps mentioning this stuff.
That's apparently her dad.
How weird for your dad to come at you on social media.
That doesn't fit in my head.
Like, I don't think I would come at anyone on social media in that way.
Coming at me, bro?
Well, I guess I would if they fucked me over.
If they fuck you with their heels on.
But your kids can't fuck you over.
We got Jace on.
What's up, Jace?
Hey, what's happening?
What's happening, boys?
What's happening, Gavin?
What's up, boys?
Mikey!
I love you guys so much.
Like, honestly, some of, like, your tats, obviously sick as shit, but, like, some of the stuff you say, do you ever get concerned genuinely that, like, I don't know, you might get in some kind of trouble, perhaps?
Yeah, constantly.
Again, this sounds like a setup.
Where's the zing?
I mean, there's no zing, brother.
I'm just like, when I see shit, this is so edgy, it's just like, I'm, I'm like, because most of the stuff I watch, it's like, well, they kind of tamp it down a little bit, but you go absolutely all out 100%.
And it's so fucking like, to me, it's just like, I would say pretty much badass as far as I'm concerned.
And pretty fucking cool.
All right.
Well, thank you for your call.
Appreciate that very much.
Your tattoos are cool as well.
Your tattoos, don't forget your tattoos, man.
Don't forget how cool they are.
Yeah.
Okay.
It sounds like, is that sarcasm?
A little bit of sarcasm there.
So he doesn't think your tattoos are cool?
So that's called opposite talk.
Sarcasm is opposite talk.
So when you don't think someone's cool, you call them up and tell them that they're edgy.
That had a very groiper vibe to it, didn't it?
Maybe.
Fontana, is this Fannin?
Yeah, it is.
Thanks for taking my call.
All right, you know, we do have to be talking about women that exist and not the ones that you met online in the comment thread.
I got one for you.
I emailed it to you, but you got to learn to accept the love.
Some guys are just gay for Gavin.
Some guys just really, they're new to it.
And they look at this and they go, what the fuck?
This is so fresh.
I'm over it.
All right, who's your chick?
Gavin.
Who's your chick?
Evelina Menarino.
I sent you some clips on her.
She's on Twitter as Alpha.
She's reporting.
All right.
Thank you for your call.
All right.
let me see if we can We're kind of running out of time here, and this thing is running its course.
And that guy making fun of me really hurt my feelings and killed my vibe.
Please don't kill my vibe.
Okay, I can't find his fucking.
Evelina Mannerina?
Just look her up then.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to have to do that.
Let me see what we got here.
This guy David says we're turning into narch.
I'm seeing a lot of people narcing.
Yeah, I'm seeing that too.
A lot of fucking tattletales.
You know, if you guys want to go to bars, here's a clue.
Bring a tool bag.
Put the tool bag on the bar and have a tool in your hand at all times.
Say you have a beer, have a hammer in your hand.
And then when these looky loose, nosy bitches peer in.
That can't be her.
That's a child.
Then you won't get in trouble.
Ew.
That can't be.
That can't be.
Yeah, you're not supposed to be attracted to children.
I'm not sure if anyone was told that.
I don't know if you have to.
Is my husband an idiot for teaching our children to call Himalayan salt himal yan salt instead of the actual pronunciation of Himalayan salt?
Yes.
Hamalan salt?
Bad feed, works now.
Some guy, has anyone heard from Gary?
No.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe the future modeling is disabled.
What else do we got here?
Some chick's ass, thanks.
Farts.
Hot chick episode.
Savannah Hernandez.
Okay, this is from a woman named Doris.
Doris and her husband, Robert, in Florida.
They like us more than a friend, and they both nominate Savannah Hernandez from Infowars.
Yes, I would say Savannah.
Mexicans are doing very well today, by the way.
I think Savannah is, yeah, Ryan, that's Savannah Hernandez, who you've met many times.
I've met Savannah?
Holy fucking shit, this guy.
Yes, but shouldn't you just know the regulars at Infowars?
No.
Why not?
Tell me what to do and I'll do it.
I didn't feel like...
Like, instead of becoming a woman online and running around chasing dinosaurs, you Should know what Infowars is.
You should know who works there.
You should know that you just passed her.
There she is.
Savannah Hernandez.
Is she all Mexican?
There must be something else in there.
I think that's that could be 100% Mexican.
I think she's dating Owen Troyer.
Oh.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah, she is an absolute smoke show.
Let's find some video of her.
You're probably spending her name wrong, spelling her name wrong.
Do you know how to spell Savannah?
S-A-V-V-A-N-A-H.
But there are different ways to spell it.
I'm going to go with nine.
What, too high?
It's expected that the first wave of the day is set to arise.
I use my rating on the body, too.
I rate the whole package.
And for me, usually I found Mexican women to be disappointing.
So what do you give Savannah?
Based on her face, she's very pretty.
7.
Definitely not.
7.1.
9 seems a bit rich.
Okay, maybe.
8.87.
Wow.
Go to another video.
This is like a cell phone on a selfie stick.
And I've seen her in person, by the way, many times.
Savannah Hernandez.
I wish that was her choice.
Wouldn't you just go back instead of re-entering it?
This one looks pretty HD.
I'm about to go inside to city council right now and address Mayor Adler on the fact that Planned Parenthood is getting one donation.
She's very pretty.
She's got that Asian thing going on for her, too.
Like, some Mexicans are so Mexican they look Asian.
Like Selena.
You know, today, because we're going to go address the mayor on this, so hopefully.
That's cute.
You know, but right on into what I'm going to be talking about.
A nine should be like all woman.
You're like, holy moles.
A nine should involuntarily cause a gasp, at least.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
That's fair.
That's fair.
Like the woman in the beginning was a gasp.
I don't think all these letters.
Sorry, all these letters I'm going through are like karaoke.
There's no chick stuff.
And we want to make this a very, an extra special episode.
So let's clean out the call list and wrap up the show.
All right.
I think we got one call.
Mikey.
Oh, I know this guy.
This is Mikey, formerly of LA.
What's up, G-Doug?
Yo, what's up, G-Doug?
What's up, Ryga?
What's up, Do?
I got a question.
Another question, suggestion.
Can you guys look up Giselle Lynette?
Okay.
Giselle Lynette.
Right?
Why do you like her?
Yes.
It's my dream girl.
Is she on Instagram?
Is that what she is?
What would you?
She's on Instagram or you could Google search her.
What would you give her out of 10?
Nine points.
Whoa, that's a lot of gal.
That's definitely not suffering from the Howard Stern problem of not being enough lady.
Do you think those are real boobs?
I don't care.
I don't care.
All right.
Well, thanks for calling, dude.
We'll get to her in a second.
I want to read out a tweet that this woman said.
I hope I haven't said this on the show before, but she was talking about fake tits.
And I'm glad we came to this because I do care.
And I think it's just, first of all, it's sad when you see it.
Sad.
And it's so, okay, I can't find the tweet, but this one was saying, why would you want to telecast to the world your middlebrow sensibilities and take away your God-given tits, no matter how small they are, we're fine.
And replace them with some sort of like man-made stupid sodium bags.
And we can all tell.
And when you have no tits and you get them, you have these tits that are this far apart.
And when you see it on young women, you just go, what the fuck have you done?
Don't you picture surgery happening too?
Like bloody, bandaged.
Oh, you see those horrific scars?
Dude.
Just think, what?
Are you in porn?
What have you done?
We could have worked it out.
Oh, I was fat and I lost a lot of weight and they were droopers.
Yeah, no one over 30 has a problem with droopers.
That's a silly young man's problem.
We like it when you're on all fours and you have penises dangling.
That was too much of indecence.
Oh, you're right.
Okay, go back to her.
I want to check her out.
She's got kind of a young Hispanic sexy thing going.
I bet she's insanely short.
Like, even shorter than you almost.
I mean, I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.
Right.
Well, she's wearing a jumper here.
Or whatever I'm wearing.
A romper.
Yeah.
Let's see that one.
Which one?
God, that looks like it would be fun.
Which one?
Oh, sorry.
The one where she's leaning up against a chair.
Wow.
It's a little young.
A little short.
Problem with young and short is, thank God she has a big titan ass.
Hey, that's the one.
Look at the one in the bathing suit.
So I was saying you don't get this.
You don't get boobs and butts.
But you do, apparently.
What do you think?
I mean, you guys couldn't get married or you'd give birth to midgets.
Oh, I'm not happy with that.
What's your problem with it?
It's kind of trashy.
It doesn't look natural.
Even if it is natural, that's fine, but it's just like a rapper's wife.
Like this is T.I.'s wife or something.
I can't get down with it.
This is Wakaflaka's wife.
It's got the Jennifer Rabbit thing.
Like, that looks like a cartoon.
Like, come on, dude.
That's embarrassing.
I don't know.
It's just stupid.
Yeah, it's sort of like the Instagram chick with the giant hits.
Like, you just go.
I don't know.
I'm sure this bewilders absolute primal retards, but.
But also, it would be a great time.
Sorry, Mike.
Late at night.
But as far as, like, your girlfriend walking down the street and going to get coffee and stuff.
And then, like, having to follow her up after she, like...
Now, with sex, I think I would give that like an 8.6.
I mean, it looks like a wild ride, right?
But for a relationship, I don't know if I want to be dressed with a walk around with a wrapper midget keychain.
I mean, she looks like a keychain.
I wouldn't want to go into the bathroom when she was done.
She could probably stink up a bathroom.
Shut up.
She looks stinky.
She doesn't.
So.
But you have to combine the two to give a rating.
Oh, this is one of the toughest ones we've ever had.
Because if I give it like a six, then I'm gay.
Right?
No.
What would you give it?
I mean, do you think there's an empirical rating or a personal rating?
Just give it a rating, please.
Yet again, 7.
I think her features, her body features actually deduct.
Yeah, I see that.
You know?
Very young.
Rating is not easy.
I hope we're not looking at a 16-year-old right now, by the way.
I would be fine with it because I've not had one sexual thought.
That's one thing up in the burbs with all these teenagers back from, or, you know, not in high school.
So you see an ass in Lululemons jogging that used to be a housewife, and you're like, hello.
Holy shit, that's a 14-year-old.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Kid eats too much hormone chicken.
Too much chicken.
Yeah.
I'm going to go with that one.
I'm going to go with a.
I know this sounds crazy, but 7.5.
It's fine.
And I know you're going to put her up next to other 7.5s and she'll look totally different.
That's the crazy thing.
Something crazy.
About 7.5s.
Not a science, not an art.
I think we dragged that out a little too long.
I'm not sure that this subject lends itself to an entire show.
No one found me that chick.
Bright.
Let me check the mailbag.
No, I just checked it.
Barts.
All right.
Well, I'll find it tomorrow.
And I promise you I will dig it up.
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