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April 11, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
37:51
GOML LIVE #42 | RYAN'S APARTMENT (Part 1)

Full episode only on Censored.tv in full HD video. After mocking news anchors stupid houses, we pull back the curtain and check out Ryan's disgusting apartment where we've been shooting this show for the past couple weeks. Then, it's cringe watching Cardi B and taking a TON of calls.

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Time Text
We're live.
Let's desert the Chizeau.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McInnis.
You've got to make the background sound different.
You can see the nails that we made.
The way we made this thing stay taut is we T-50 staple gunned it to a big piece of fucking wood.
Speaking of wood, Ryan you got a lot of stuff to do here.
So while you do that, fix the green screen and adjust the camera I guess, I will Say thank you for tuning in and welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live!
Thursday nights, 9 to 9.30 is free on podcasts and YouTube.
9.30 to 10 is behind the paywall and then 10 is also behind the paywall, sorry, but we take calls from 10 to 11.
We do not take calls from non-subscribers.
Um, but before we even start that, I wanna talk to you about Johnny Appleseed.
J-A-B-C-D.
Not to be confused, by the way, with Johnny Appleseed.
Action or something?
There's this great YouTube interview I saw on the YouTube channel After Prison, where a guy was sentenced to 3.5 years for selling Disney tickets.
He got fired and he couldn't afford the Disney trip, so he just sold the tickets, six tickets.
But that was considered scalping, which is a felony, somehow.
So he got six felonies.
Three and a half years.
So anyway, when he came out, he started this company also called Johnny Appleseed, Well, this company is not called Johnny Appleseed.
It's Johnny Apples CBD.
And he teaches prisoners' trades.
Which should be the world, should it not?
When my dad was young in Glasgow, you took your O-levels when you're 14.
And if you are incredibly intelligent, then you go on to, like, basically a private school and then college.
But if you're no, Like most of us, then you get a trade.
And the ratio was, the magic number, 95-5.
95 got a trade, 5 went to school.
5% of the population should take secondary education, but 100% of the population should go to johnnyapple.com.
We got the tinctures, great sleep.
We got the gummies, delicious.
We got the topicals, great for gym recovery.
And right now, my listeners get 20% off All orders!
If you use the promo code Gavin.
So that's J-A-C-B-D dot com.
20% off all orders.
JohnnyApple.com.
Same thing.
They got both URLs.
And it just sort of takes the edge off of life.
Not unlike this, by the way.
Which is delish.
Hey, I'm wearing a champion sweatshirt that Todd Snyder designed.
He used to design for J.Crew.
Um, can we do a Bud t-shirt?
Like Budweiser, but no, they would never fucking want to be part of my toxic brand.
All right, we've got a fun show for you today.
That was the first read of three that will happen before 9.30, and then we can all relax.
I was noticing, we're seeing how untalented people are.
Even Fox News is sucking shitballs with lame graphics.
And I don't get the lame graphics.
Your guys have After Effects and Premiere at home, so can't you just send them the footage in a, what do you call it?
Dropbox, WeTransfer, and then they can soup it up and send it back?
What?
What's going on with you people?
God, you suck at this.
But we're also getting to see Home Studios, which is 1-3, and they just, they're so fucking lazy and shitty and predictable.
What are you doing?
What are you doing there?
I'm turning more Canadian under... What the fuck is this, by the way?
Is that like a 1920s Hollywood movie?
Like a lighting thing?
And what does that mean, by the way?
If you're this fucking retarded egg, Brian Stetler, or as Greg Gutfeld calls him, the turgid tattletale, are you saying that you love old-timey movies?
With your gross little, is he gay?
He looks like a very lonely man.
And is this his bedroom?
Wait a minute, your bedroom has a 1920s Hollywood light?
What's that for, home porn with your boyfriend?
This is very depressing.
This was already pretty depressing, this little hideous egg.
Actually, we were decorating eggs today for Easter.
I think I'm gonna make one Brian Stetler.
With some markers and pencil crayons.
Or what do you call them here in America?
Colored pencils?
All right, let's go down here.
Most symmetrical, Kristen Walker.
I think, who is this that we're on right now?
Daily Caller?
BuzzFeed?
Washington Free Beacon?
You guys kind of stole this from me.
So I'm stealing it back.
I'm stealing it back.
I do a pretty good Gavin McInnes, don't I?
Oh, that was your impression of you?
So I'm stealing it back.
You guys suck.
The Gavin that you do of me is from like five years ago.
You might as well be doing John Travolta as Vinny Barbarino and telling him it's him now.
It's a different guy.
I don't do this anymore.
A little bit.
Look at that background.
Where's your camera by the way?
Cool.
I forget that I share the screen with everything.
Good thing it wasn't my emails.
That's a minor setback.
You'll notice it takes Ryan a little bit to get to himself.
And get good at it.
That's because in this studio, which we're about to show you, which is his apartment, we only have the one computer.
So he can't switch from that article to him, or you'll see his email and everything first.
Hello.
There he is.
There's that weird raced Cambodian, whatever the hell you are.
Basically a Hawaiian.
Polynesian black.
Yeah, Polynesian, like a makeshift Hawaiian.
Yeah, you're like a DIY Polynesian.
I mean, what are you, right?
You're Puerto Rican and Japanese.
So let's just call Japanese Asian.
So you're basically sort of like a Filipino.
Because the reason those Asians have asses is because they got fucked by the Spanish and then became Spanified.
So they're Spanified Asians like you.
Yeah, a lot of people ask me if I'm Filipino, but they're wrong.
It's my favorite kind of Asian chick.
You.
Now you come down here, you're going to see a lot of Filipino people, but you're also going to see a lot of Asians.
What do you think of Carole Baskin, Filipino king?
Carole Baskins is one of the worst women I've ever met.
First of all, she funders millions of dollars into what she says is wildlife recovery.
Meanwhile, it just goes right into her bucket.
Right into her bucket?
Yep.
She keeps her money in a bucket?
Yeah.
Go, I mean, go figure.
Did you see that Trump was asked if he's going to pardon Tiger King?
Yeah, you thought he said no, but do you see the full clip?
Oh, he said he'll look into it.
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm trying to be ambivalent about it, but he did pay someone money.
He paid that super sketchy guy three grand to go kill someone.
That should get you what?
What should that get you?
Three years.
You know, I'm really anti-prison and stuff, but that's bad.
Paying for a hit.
Thing is, he didn't set it all up.
Jeff Lowe did.
And so I don't think he would have gone through with it.
He gave him, apparently, I'll go back to me, apparently... Hi.
Oh, look, I'm there too.
Oh, this is weird.
Hi, little me.
That's retarded.
Yeah, so he apparently, that $3,000 wasn't for the hit.
It was to get Allen, That sketchy guy to move off the property, go back home.
And to support that theory, he just had a fundraiser.
So that money was to send Alan off back home, because he didn't want Alan around.
He only answered to Jeff.
So he was like, get this fucking Alan guy out of here.
So he donated the $3,000 for him to move, not for the hit.
And there's text of that.
There's text proof of that.
Yeah, OK, so let me go back to the judge thing.
If you pay someone to whack someone, Uh, if they actually do it, you should get... eight years.
If they don't do it, you should get... four years.
But if there's no evidence that that was your plan, you should get fucking nothing.
Yeah.
And as far as killing the tigers, I don't give a shit.
Animals are losers.
I ate animals for lunch and for dinner tonight.
Why do you care about tigers so much?
I don't think you should eat bats, but that's not because I think they're wonderful little creatures.
Alright, let's go back to Loserville.
Brian Stetler is a fucking turd.
That's where we are right now.
Hey, look, I've got feedback happening.
Yeah, I know.
I'm trying to fix that.
So that's idiotic.
And when you're setting up your little stupid home, right, the lighting's pretty good there, but can't you see, like go into a photo booth or whatever and see what you look like and realize, oh, that's ridiculous.
Kristen, I shouldn't do that.
Anyway, she fucked up.
Who's next?
Most askew.
Does it say that?
Oh, it does.
Next.
Best pillows is Chris Cuomo!
I think these guys are kind of fae.
Here's a theory I just invented right now.
When their father was running for mayor of New York City, he was running against Ed Koch.
And the motto was, vote for Cuomo, not the homo.
Now, that may have been funny back then, in whatever it was, the 80s, but that became a curse in the Cuomo family.
So their father was like, I'm not a homophobe, I'm not a homophobe, I'm not a homophobe.
This is like the son of the vote for Cuomo, not the Cuomo guy, right?
So they were so determined to distance themselves from their father, their homophobic father, that they became like, freaky.
Because you know, if you have nipple rings, as Andrew Cuomo sure seems to have, Um, you get pegged by your wife.
You're into toe sucking.
Like, you do freaky shit.
No one is just like, I have nipple rings and I make love to my wife missionary style about once every three weeks.
And I don't look at porn.
No.
You get spanked.
And not with a hand, with some sort of paddle.
Like he has a box under the bed with all kinds of sexual bric-a-brac.
So anyway, similarly his brother Chris probably has a flair for design, people!
And that includes Gordon Gartrell white fur cushions.
What are you doing?
Looking for another mouse because I'm trying to see if I could utilize this computer here.
Okay, let's focus on the task at hand here.
That was him again.
Brian Stetler.
So we've already done him.
Oh, so then he's a 3D.
Someone makes fun of him.
He moves that.
He still loves this 1920s Hollywood light, whatever the fuck that is.
And why is that in your bedroom?
When you're checking like the follicles of your bag and you want to see, is that for hemorrhoid exams?
Why would that be in your bedroom?
Is that an interrogation light?
Most bedrooms, their problem is they're missing lights.
Like there's not enough light.
It's kind of hard to read unless you bend the lamp.
You don't have this fucking Waco, Texas.
You guys come up with your hands up lights.
And then there's this, the carefully handcrafted, first of all, I hate these chick bookshelves that are vertical.
They're so lame.
And you know, he sat there just, there's probably a whole hierarchy.
Like, you know how the KKK thinks like, I don't know exactly how it goes, but Jews, mulattoes, blacks, gays, like they have a whole hierarchy.
This is his, this is the best book ever.
This is probably like Black Lives Matter.
It's probably the same as the KKK's hierarchy of value, but in the opposite.
So this is probably like why Jews should win and so on down the line.
Why women matter.
Why the black vote is better than the white vote.
Anyway, that's fucking annoying.
He's a loser.
Most Midwestern.
I don't get that joke, because she has one of those cake things.
What are those for?
To keep the cake fresh?
But there's air all around the cake.
Yeah, but you keep the bugs away.
Bugs.
Bugs will stick right in that icing.
Bugs are not a Midwestern thing.
They'll stick right in there.
Oh, you're going to Madison, Wisconsin?
Hope you're ready for some serious mosquitoes.
Dust.
Oh, the dusty Midwest.
That one annoyed me.
Next.
Most likely to be filming in upscale woman's bathroom.
Dude, just get that out of there.
Maybe even take those down.
That would be fine if that was just white.
Keep going.
Most ostentatious display of a fancy vacuum.
This, of course, is the daughter of Zooey Tour, who was the helicopter driver for OJ when he was in the Bronco, and later decided that he was too machismo, so he removed his penis, made it into a vagina, and we've shown you that operation and how easy it is to do.
Some of you could probably even do it at home.
Jazz Jennings appears to have done it herself.
Um, and then he had boobs put in, and he makes love to men.
He also lectures me on how I've ruined my reputation, and she's not speaking to him.
But, uh, yeah, that is, uh, I wouldn't say that's—you know who wrote this is, uh, is fucking broke when they think it's ostentatious to have a Dyson hand vacuum?
Ooh, la-dee-da!
Nice Rolex!
All right, what's next?
Most desperate for the world to know he has an Emmy.
I actually was very surprised.
No, that's the guy from Shark Tank, the Canadian dude, Hungarian name.
He just designed software.
Why does he have an Emmy?
Oh, for Shark Tank.
So all the judges get an Emmy?
That's kind of cheating.
Maybe the producer should get one.
That's another thing I just invented.
From now on, if a show wins an Emmy, it's just the person responsible.
So if Oprah wins an Emmy, she gets one, not hair and makeup and the line producers.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's like the Academy Award, right?
Not everyone involved in the movie gets it, just like the Brad Pitt.
Hungriest this tard.
You'll notice that they're all liberal, right?
She has a fucking half-eaten banana?
What is that?
Is that a banana peel or a banana that's untouched?
I think it's a peel.
I see inside of that banana.
Here's something else I just made up.
This is a very spontaneous episode.
I think women who enjoy bananas are sluts.
Next.
I mean, think about it.
Why do you have a fixation with such a phallic fruit?
It would be like if I was constantly eating out pomegranates.
You'd go, you lonely?
You okay?
You'd think I was a perv.
You'd think I had my nipples pierced.
You know, Cuomo just... Oh my God, he attacks his pomegranates.
And bananas.
And bananas.
Waspiest David Faber.
This person who's writing this article is white trash and they're broke and they've never had anything.
So they're kind of, uh, like, isn't this more ostentatious than the vacuum?
But yeah, that is kind of a queer thing to want to show off.
Next.
Oh my God.
Ling Kent.
Jo Ling Kent.
I was on red eye with her.
She has enormous breasts.
I would murder my entire family, including my children, on Christmas Day just to be able to motorboat her.
And I'm not proud of that.
That's a horrible feeling to have, but the feeling is here.
I'm just acknowledging it.
And what's her?
Most problematic adherence to stereotypes about millennial women and houseplants.
That joke sucked.
Rachel Solomon.
What's she?
Oh, that's the same one?
Yeah.
They all have that.
Millennial women in houseplants.
Millennial women are usually such slobs that they don't have houseplants.
They're all brown thumbs.
And it's not from thumb-banging Andrew Cuomo.
Do you remember that?
Well, I shouldn't say I remember that to you, but I remember, before I was married, every time you'd go to a chick's house, it was like Dresden.
Yeah.
It was just, there was a mound of clothes on the ground that were clean.
Next, it was a mound of clothes that were dirty.
They were just, like, disgusting.
Kind of like you.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, everything wrong with that.
In fact, we'll get to that.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Wait.
Looks like a handsome John Lott.
What's this best wall art?
And I can't see the wall art.
Can you?
Is it like a football touchdown?
Oh, jeez, that changed everything.
That's nuts.
That did not help at all.
No.
Sometimes you do that on a computer where you go command plus and it doesn't get bigger.
Yeah, it just sucks more.
It gets smaller.
Pretty curious, by the way.
Here we go.
We're going to pin this sucker down.
What is that?
Is that football shit?
Yeah, it looks like some kind of, like, action shot.
It looks like some sort of baseball players eating out a fellow player's ass?
I don't think there's eating out happening.
I think that might be some sort of football tackle thing.
I see, because I see gloves.
See little hands?
So do I, but it looks like he has thighs in his hand.
Yeah.
The old days, if you won the Super Bowl, one of your fellow players would stand on his hands, and then he'd put his knees on your shoulder, and you would go... onto his butthole.
But it was seen as gay, and they stopped doing it.
So now they just slap each other on the butt and say, good game.
Speaking of normal sex, if you're stuck at home with this disease, which we're not calling chink in pox, and we don't like when people do that, we call it COVID-19.
We don't call it Kung Flu.
You might want to go to bluechew.com, and I think a lot of people are drinking a lot.
They're having a bit of trouble with the erections when they get wasted, but their wife's ready to go, and that's a waste.
So you should have Blue Chew on the go.
Use promo code GAVIN, and my listeners get their first Blue Chew order free.
Vinnie the ad guy here wants me to say that you can burn calories the old-fashioned way.
Not old-fashioned way, but old-fashioned way.
So I guess by old-fashioned he means like flappers and, uh, you know, silly mustaches and double-breasted suits.
Bandova, ya fuddy-duddy.
And you can have, in your bedroom, you can have one of these old-timey lights that shines on the bed and really illuminates the fornication.
Let me rough you up from behind.
Bluechu.com, promo code Gavin, and may all your ups and downs be between the sheets.
So yes, we've discussed Bluechu quite a few times.
If you have a problem, obviously you need to have it.
But even if you don't have a problem, it should be there as insurance.
Have you ever seen this?
You know, when I first started going blind, you know, when you're 40, you don't know this as a young man, but the second you turn 40, you can't read anymore without reading glasses.
And an older gentleman, who was like 50, said, yeah, it sucks.
No one tells you.
I don't know why no one tells you that.
But he goes, here, I'll give you a tip.
Buy like, they're pretty expensive, they're like 20 bucks, but buy about 10 pairs of reading glasses and put them in every room in the house or you're going to spend the rest of your life looking for your reading glasses.
And I did that and I cannot recommend it enough.
But similarly, I would recommend you have a blue chew in every room in the house just in case the moment strikes and your lady friend says now and you're either not in the mood or you've had too much to drink or something else.
Alright, should we finish these horrible home studios and pathetic television that's been going on?
Look, I'm not bragging, but our show is 4% less good since this meltdown.
Most shows are, I'd say, 78% less good, so that means that we're awesome.
And I don't brag!
I started suing the SPLC.
Hasn't even gone to court yet.
Their head of legal is gone.
The founder Morris Dees is gone.
Their CEO is gone.
Boom, boom, boom.
All fired.
The whole place is shook upside down.
Because of me.
Because of my lawsuit.
And I've barely dipped into your donations.
What's this?
Flashiest display of wealth earned through collaboration with a disgraced sex pest.
Am I supposed to get that?
This person must be British, by the way.
Sex pests is what they call pedophiles.
That one sucked.
Saddest attempt by a boomer to seem cool?
Jimi Hendrix.
Led Zeppelin.
Well, isn't that the music he grew up on, though?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's his generation's art.
Yeah, that's kind of a lame one to say.
Like, oh, this old guy is trying to seem young and hip by liking a guy who died 50 years ago.
Jimi Hendrix probably died in 1974.
He identifies with the music he grew up listening to.
Yeah.
Oh, you like early Led Zeppelin?
Dude, you were 20 when they were early.
What the fuck do you know about Led Zeppelin?
Uh, even sadder?
No, no, that's not so bad.
Okay.
If you want to see sad, I think you should check out Ryan's apartment.
He nicknamed it the Fag Zone.
I did not name it the Fag Zone.
And he, I don't know who he has over here, but it is a disgusting shithole that I now work in.
I don't commute to Manhattan anymore.
Every day I get on my bicycle and I ride up to the Fag Zone.
So I thought you should probably see what it's like in here.
So we made you a mini documentary that is not unlike, what are those NPR ones?
Ken Burns.
This is like a Ken Burns documentary about our home studio.
Like a tiny desk.
Starts with his growth, look at, wait, just look at his slumlord door.
Now, just to, this isn't really his slumlord's fault.
Ryan once was with a chick, and he gave her his jacket because she was cold and she was retarded and didn't have a jacket on in the winter.
And then he got home and he went, uh-oh, I don't have my keys.
And she didn't go, hmm, I'll check the pockets of the coat you gave me.
So he checks both his pockets, all two of his pockets, and he goes, oh, well, I guess I don't have my keys.
Broke his own door down, his steel door.
He smashed it.
How did you do that, with your shoulders?
Oh, yeah.
And what was the cost to fix that?
$350, I believe?
No.
$375?
No, I believe it was $800.
Was it?
Yeah.
Yeah, but maybe I paid in installments or something.
Oh, OK.
Then it wasn't $800.
If it was only $400 twice, then it was just $400.
Times two.
And then later, $400.
That's not $800.
Yeah.
Are you crazy?
Was it $800?
then it was an $800.
If it was only $400 twice, then it was just $400-- Times two. --and then later, $400.
That's not $800.
Yeah.
You crazy?
Was it $800?
Oh, man.
That's close.
You want to come in?
Yeah.
There's a bike he gave him.
He let the tires go flat.
I bought this bike just out of the goodness of my heart.
Now you might also notice he lives in a shithole called the fag zone.
It's not called the fag zone.
I don't underpay him.
I pay him very well, but he's 30 and he buys things like expensive cigars and Brooks Brothers suits, even though he's 12 grand in debt.
So this apartment could be a nice, it's a what, a one bedroom?
It could be nice.
Could be.
We haven't seen it yet.
What does every GOML start with?
Me using our studio's ladder that we brought in.
fixed that's true i don't know i don't even have a ladder you don't have a ladder ladder what does every goml start with me using our studio's ladder that we brought in it's it's an integral part of every day of your life and you're like i don't have a ladder to change the light unbelievable so we just We're two steps into your house, and we're already drowning in negligence.
You have a bike with flat tires, and you take Ubers instead, and then you have this burnt out light.
I don't ube.
I rode that thing till the wheels popped.
So you have a ladder, and I have a light.
Why don't you get a light bulb?
Quarantine.
He's holding a sandwich that he just walked outside and bought, and he's like, quarantine, can't get outside.
I think I know why it's called the Fag Zone.
Because there's a giant idiotic fag in it.
Great point.
So you didn't do it in the studio?
You jumped ahead to this?
Oh yeah.
I don't really need it.
I don't spend much time there.
So...
Great point.
This is Ryan's bedroom.
This is an unflattering lighting.
So you didn't show the studio?
You jumped ahead to this?
Oh yeah.
It was just a...
I was trying to make it as quick as possible because we were trying to keep it short.
So Ryan has a living room, which we're in right now.
I don't know why you didn't show that.
It's really just this, the green screen, right?
And then he has a kitchen and a bedroom.
So we're in his bedroom now, which could be great.
Couldn't I give you this too?
Yeah, the TV.
You gave me that chest.
Didn't I mount it?
Uh... Anyway.
I'm not sure.
I think you helped me mount it.
Like, what the fuck is in this?
What the fuck?
Oh, those?
Yeah.
Is that where you store your cufflinks?
No, there's coins.
Coins?
There's tchotchkes.
There's wires.
There's, like, you know, batteries.
Just throw that out.
No!
Where else am I going to put my hammer in?
Hey, where'd the chest go?
Oh, that.
That's it there?
Yeah, yeah.
His chest of drawers is literally a chest.
Yes.
I like it.
This is disgusting.
How so?
You look like the chicks I used to bone.
I look like them or I... Both.
Your room looks like them and you look like them.
It's luxury.
Same height.
You ever seen a teenage girl's room before?
Can you take us on a little tour?
Where'd you get that?
What's this?
It's a hat.
Oh.
That's a, you know, like a tapestry, but a small, small.
A small tapestry?
What are you Sean Connery now?
You have two Sean's.
That's a small tapestry.
What, what, where'd you get it?
Like, did you roll that up and bring it to the home?
That was actually a gift.
One of my friends got that for me, because I was like, I wanted to cover my windows or something.
Hey man, not for nothing, I got you a tapestry of a purple sunset.
It's for the fag zone.
I think I mentioned that I wanted to cover my windows or something, so somebody hooked me up.
I mentioned that I wanted to cover my windows or something.
Yeah, but not for this house, it's for my old place.
Do you believe what I have to live with?
This is my guitar.
Very nice guitar.
It's a Martin.
Fat Jake bought that for him.
Could you sing a song?
Here's this area.
You're a great host.
We should switch jobs.
Here's this area I have.
Here's this area.
You're a great host.
That I have.
We should switch jobs.
Here's an area that I have.
Here's an area that I have.
Mask.
Some Purell.
So you sit-- why do you have a mask at your little desk here?
Well, in case I got to up and go now, I got my sanity.
See, that's just classic Ryan right there.
That's a lie, right?
But he wants to have an answer right away so he doesn't look stupid.
So he goes, oh this is my get up and go.
So I always have it here because this is where I do my work sometimes and then I'll just grab it and go.
Or like with the light bulb I go, why is that still burnt out?
And he goes, Oh, I don't have a ladder.
Like, I gotta have an answer.
He talks to people like he's talking to cops who have a flashlight in his face and he has to come up with something.
My prevention and my weapon.
Is this a guitar thing?
Yeah.
That's the input so that way I can record my musics.
I've got juice, I've got tea.
I offered you a $2,000 couch, and you said no, you prefer this because you built it.
It's a piece of shit from Ikea, so you could have had a designer couch.
It's 500 bucks.
This bad boy, I had to put her together myself.
Sometimes that slips out.
My great-grandmother, my nana, did that for me.
Are people enjoying this as little as I am?
I could look at the chat, the Discord chat, in a minute.
What's this weird rock?
What rock?
That rock there.
You have a laundry machine in your house.
Why don't you just do your fucking laundry?
Yeah, I'm gonna.
I let it build up.
I still have tons of clothes left.
This weird lamp.
It's a Himalayan sea salt lamp.
It's a Himalayan sea salt lamp, he says.
Yeah.
Then, uh, H-S-S-L-L.
Thanks.
See, my favorite joke is doing acronyms, but you're so stupid that you can't do them.
One day.
If it was a three-letter, uh, three-part word, that'd be fun.
You can't even say that.
You get new lighting here.
If you could just demonstrate.
Here, hit the light.
All right, you should fast forward this.
This is painful.
Go to the kitchen.
This is the mood lighting.
Yeah, I don't want to watch this anymore.
Can you fast forward to the kitchen?
This is embarrassing.
You've got some shows.
He shows us his PlayStation.
He shows us some toilet paper he got on Amazon, which is small.
What do we got?
I'm a pop-tart cereal kind of ****.
So that's what I got there.
That's a racist epithet.
What's this?
This is a... What, you dinked it?
Yes.
I'm letting it ferment for 16 hours.
Now I will say, I will give you one comment.
I'm impressed you make bread.
Emily and I have been trying to make it, my wife and I, and it's disgusting what we've made.
And I saw the previous loaf you made, and it looked like Wonder Bread.
Like, it looked like it's factory-made bread.
The thing is, you have to be strict about the measurements.
It's a science, not an art, like cooking is.
Baking is... You gotta stick to those measurements.
So maybe she's not being accurate with, like, the amount of milk or whatever she puts in?
Maybe, yeah.
It's very little milk.
It was, like, a quarter cup.
Yeah, I don't use any milk.
I use butter, salt, sugar, yeast, water, dough.
I mean flour.
That's it.
Why do you have the cadence of the president right now?
I use sugar.
We all know sugar.
All right, let's keep going.
How do you make bread?
I see you brought my peanut butter whiskey home.
Yeah.
The great thing about peanut butter whiskey is it lasts for years because no one wants it.
There's actually another bottle back at the studio.
I got multiple bottles from the guy named John.
From the guy named John.
I do sound like Trump.
From the guy, his name is John.
Guy named John.
Yeah, he got me like three of those.
I was on a Proud Boy chat recently, and we often show the drinks that we're having, and we're like, hey boys, have a swig for me, this is from England, yeah.
And some guy, it's usually Maker's Mark Bud, normal stuff, and then some guy was like, ready to rip into this, and it was that.
What's it called?
Screwball?
Yeah, yeah.
Peanut butter whiskey.
You want to do another read and finish this off?
I'd rather eat out a quarterback's butt after he got a touchdown.
A quarterback's butt.
We're at 30 minutes right now, or 33.
I know, I know.
It's an art, not a science.
There's a whole bunch of different recipes.
I mean, I had to find one that just, with my limited ingredients, because here's what I really, this is all my baking section here.
I have rice and egg noodles.
Other pasta's in the other one.
This is flour.
You can see my eyes, that's why you know I have rice.
I heard you.
Pancake batter?
But I don't know if the audience heard.
...in individual bags.
So they keep all fresh.
So the flour stays fresh.
Just in case.
Does flour go bad?
Just pause.
He keeps his flour fresh because you know how flour goes bad?
Don't you hate that?
When you go to get your flour and it's all rotten, it's curdled?
No.
You're curdled, disgusting, gross, rotten, stiff flour covered in mold.
I explain.
Moisture.
Moisture.
How many times roughly have you come across rotten flour in your life?
Not rotten, but exposed to the elements.
I don't, I'm not one for that.
I don't want to give any sort of bug, any, any reason.
To be.
There's no bugs here.
I know, but I'm going to keep it that way.
There's no food.
We're turning into an old couple of fags in the fag zone.
He has sugar that he takes out of the box, because one time his sugar was gone faster than he thought, and he thought, hmm, I know what happened.
Roaches got in here, ate it all.
No.
Turned it to shit.
That's why.
So they've been feasting on it.
He's never seen a roach in his apartment once, ever.
So he goes, not falling for that again.
In the laundry room I saw one.
Invisible cockroaches.
So he pours his sugar out of the box into like a Ziploc bag, then puts that into the fridge.
Yeah.
So the roaches are outside the fridge going, oh, fuck.
This guy's good.
Go to another apartment, buds.
It's humid in here or something like that.
It gets clumpy.
Let's see your fridge.
Okay, is that a good angle there?
All right, so I have the frosting, some beef and chicken, sugar, Budweiser, water, and then what's going on with your freezer?
Budweiser?
My hat's okay.
Would you like to taste a little bit?
It tastes like cribs.
How about the first one?
It's exactly like Logan Paul's house.
I got steak-ums.
I got coffee.
I got, ooh, The Great Awakening premium coffee.
So not unlike the first thing we toured, it gets real boring.
I didn't get to show you my $200 knife.
Oh, he does have a fancy knife.
So maybe we should sign out.
Got some coffee, some pots.
Yeah, I think my instincts are correct.
All right, let's go.
This is it.
We're done.
This is the podcast.
People complain to me that the podcast isn't as involved and deep and long, kind of like my genitalia, anymore, and it's too quick, and then you've got these ads.
You're complaining about something you're getting for free.
If you can hear this, then it's free to you.
When we do the paywall, there's no ads and we get in deep and we deep dive into something.
This week we had Roger Stone on, deep dove into the JFK assassination because he can't talk about his imminent demise.
We went through all the talk show hosts and how terrible their home shows are and how unfunny and talentless they are.
That's all behind the paywall.
But in front of the paywall, you gotta suffer, and we don't give you a lot of juice.
Speaking of terrible, Vinnie the Adman has written us a script for this reread of the JACBD.com.
Oh, this is gonna be tough, because... You ready?
I have to utilize multiple items.
Well, I'll just do both parts then.
Okay.
Jenny Apple CBD!
The best CBD in the world, okay?
Tremendous people.
Tremendous.
Lovely products.
Okay.
The selection is huge.
The gummies, the topicals, the tincture.
Okay.
Great tinctures.
Great tinctures.
And then I say, and right now my listeners get 20% off all orders, just go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, and then Ryan goes, 20% off?
Huge!
That's huge.
Go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
And now, Ryan is meant to say, I like Johnny Apple more than a friend, okay?
I like Johnny Apple more than a friend.
By the way, now that we're going behind the paywall, Bubba and Hank's $50 gift card to the first caller.
So I would call now and get on hold if I were you.
All GML listeners get 15% off Bubba and Hank's promo code Gavin.
Okay, goodbye, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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