Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #42 - RYAN'S APARTMENT

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April 10, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:00:42

GOML LIVE #42 - RYAN'S APARTMENT

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	Let's desert the Chizeau.
	Oh, live from New York.
	It's get off my log.
	You gotta make the background something different, and you can see the nails that we made.
	The way we made this thing stay taut is we uh T50 staple gunned it to a big piece of fucking wood.
	Speaking of wood, Ryan, you got a lot of stuff to do here.
	So while you do that, fix the green screen and adjust the camera, I guess.
	I will say thank you for tuning in and welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	Thursday nights, 9 to 9.30 is free on podcasts and YouTube.
	9.30 to 10 is behind the paywall and then 10 is also behind the paywall, sorry.
	But we take calls from 10 to 11.
	We do not take calls from non-subscribers.
	But before we even start that, I want to talk to you about Johnny Appleseed, J-A-B-C-D.
	Not to be confused, by the way, with Johnny Appleseed action or something.
	There's this great YouTube interview I saw on the YouTube channel After Prison, where a guy was sentenced to 3.5 years for selling Disney tickets.
	He got fired and he couldn't afford the Disney trip, so he just sold the tickets, six tickets.
	But that was considered scalping, which is a felony somehow.
	So he got six felonies, three and a half years.
	So anyway, when he came out, he started this company also called Johnny Appleseed.
	Well, this company is not called Johnny Appleseed.
	It's Johnny Apple CBD.
	And he teaches prisoners trades, which should be the world, should it not?
	When my dad was young in Glasgow, you took your O levels when you're 14.
	And if you are incredibly intelligent, then you go on to basically a private school and then college.
	But if you're no, like most of us, then you get a trade.
	And the ratio was the magic number, 95-5.
	95 got a trade, 5 went to school.
	5% of the population should take secondary education, but 100% of the population should go to johnnyapple.com.
	We got the tinctures, great sleep.
	We got the gummies, delicious.
	We got the topicals, great for jump recovery.
	And right now, my listeners get 20% off all orders if you use the promo code Gavin.
	So that's jacbd.com.
	20% off all orders.
	JohnnyApple.com.
	Same thing.
	They got both URLs.
	And it just sort of takes the edge off of life.
	Not unlike this, by the way.
	Which is delish.
	Hey, I'm wearing a champion sweatshirt that Todd Snyder designed.
	He used to design for J. Crew.
	Can we do a Bud t-shirt?
	Like Budweiser?
	No, they would never fucking want to be part of my toxic brand.
	All right, we've got a fun show for you today.
	That was the first read of three that will happen before 9.30, and then we can all relax.
	I was noticing we're seeing how untalented people are.
	Even Fox News is sucking shitballs with lame graphics.
	And I don't get the lame graphics.
	Your guys have After Effects and Premiere at home.
	So can't you just send them the footage in a, what do you call it, Dropbox?
	We transfer.
	We transfer, and then they can soup it up and send it back.
	What's going on with you people?
	God, you suck at this.
	But we're also getting to see Home Studios, which is 1-3.
	And they just, they're so fucking lazy and shitty and predictable.
	What are you doing?
	what are you doing there?
	I'm turning more Canadian under a...
	Is that like a 1920s Hollywood movie?
	Like a lighting thing?
	For Clark Gable to look gorgeous on a one-way ticket to Palookaville.
	And what does that mean, by the way?
	If you're this fucking retarded egg, Brian Stetler, or as Greg Gutfeld calls him, the turgid tattletale, are you saying that you love old-timey movies?
	With your gross little...
	He looks like a very lonely man.
	And is this his bedroom?
	Wait a minute, your bedroom has a 1920s Hollywood light?
	What's that for?
	Home porn with your boyfriend?
	This is very depressing.
	This was already pretty depressing, this little hideous egg.
	Actually, we were decorating eggs today for Easter.
	I think I'm going to make one, Brian Stettler, with some markers and pencil crayons.
	Or what do you call them here in America?
	Colored pencils?
	All right, let's go down here.
	Most symmetrical, Kristen Walker.
	I think, who is this we're on right now?
	Daily Caller?
	BuzzFeed?
	Washington Free Beacon?
	You guys kind of stole this from me.
	So I'm stealing it back.
	I'm stealing it back.
	I do a pretty good Gavin McInnis, don't I?
	Oh, that was your impression of you.
	So I'm stealing it back.
	You guys suck.
	The Gavin that you do of me is from like five years ago.
	You might as well be doing John Travolta as Vinny Barberino and telling him it's him now.
	It's a different guy.
	I don't do this anymore.
	A little bit.
	Look at that background.
	That's your camera, by the way.
	That's cool.
	I forget that I share the screen With everything.
	Good thing it wasn't my emails.
	That's a minor setback.
	You'll notice it takes Ryan a little bit to get to himself and get good at it.
	That's because in this studio, which we're about to show you, which is his apartment, we only have the one computer.
	So he can't switch from that article to him, or you'll see his email and everything first.
	Hello.
	There he is.
	There's that weird raced Cambodian, whatever the hell you are.
	Basically a Hawaiian.
	Polynesian black.
	Yeah, Polynesian, like a makeshift Hawaiian.
	Yeah, you're like a DIY.
	DIY Polynesian.
	DIY.
	I mean, what are you, right?
	You're Puerto Rican and Japanese, so let's just call Japanese Asian.
	So you're basically sort of like a Pilipino.
	Because the reason those Asians have asses is because they got fucked by the Spanish and they became Spanified.
	So they're Spanified Asians like you.
	Yeah, a lot of people ask me if I'm Filipino, but they're wrong, frankly.
	It's my favorite kind of Asian chick.
	You.
	Now come down here.
	You're going to see a lot of Filipino people, but you're also going to see a lot of Asians.
	What do you think of Carol Baskin, Filipino King?
	Carol Baskins is one of the worst women I've ever met.
	First of all, she fundles millions of dollars into what she says is wildlife recovery.
	Meanwhile, it just goes right into her bucket.
	Right into her bucket?
	Yep.
	She keeps her money in a bucket?
	Yeah, I mean, go figure.
	Did you see that Trump was asked if he's going to pardon Tiger King?
	Yeah, you thought he said no, but do you see the full clip?
	Oh, he said he'll look into it.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'm trying to be ambivalent about it, but he did pay someone money.
	He paid that super sketchy guy three grand to go kill someone.
	That should get you what?
	What should that get you?
	Three years.
	You know, I'm really anti-prison and stuff, but that's bad.
	Thing is, he didn't set it all up.
	Jeff Lowe did.
	And so I don't think he would have gone through with it.
	He gave him, apparently, I'll go back to me.
	Apparently.
	Hi.
	Oh, look, I'm there.
	Oh, this is weird.
	Hi, little me.
	That's retarded.
	Yeah, so apparently that $3,000 wasn't for the hit.
	It was to get Alan, that sketchy guy, to move off the property, go back home.
	And to support that theory, he just had a fundraiser.
	So that money was to send Alan off back home because he didn't want Alan around.
	He only answered to Jeff.
	So he was like, get this fucking Alan guy out of here.
	So he donated $3,000 for him to move, not for the hit.
	And there's text of that.
	There's text proof of that.
	Okay, so let me go back to the judge thing.
	If you pay someone to whack someone, if they actually do it, you should get eight years.
	If they don't do it, you should get four years.
	But if there's no evidence that that was your plan, you should get fucking nothing.
	And as far as killing the tigers, I don't give a shit.
	Animals are losers.
	I ate animals for lunch and for dinner tonight.
	Why do you care about tigers so much?
	I don't think you should eat bats, but that's not because I think they're wonderful little creatures.
	All right, let's go back to Loserville.
	Brian Stettler fucking turd.
	Hey, look, I've got feedback happening.
	Yeah, no, I'm trying to fix that.
	So that's idiotic.
	And when you're setting up your little stupid home, right, the lighting's pretty good there, but can't you see, like go into a photo booth or whatever and see what you look like and realize, oh, that's ridiculous, Kristen.
	I shouldn't do that.
	Anyway, she fucked up.
	Who's next?
	Most askew.
	Does it say that?
	Oh, it does.
	Next.
	Best pillows is Chris Cuomo.
	I think these guys are kind of fey.
	Here's a theory I just invented right now.
	When their father was running for Mayor of New York City, he was running against Ed Koch.
	And the motto was, vote for Cuomo, not the Homo.
	Now, that may have been funny back then in whatever it was, the 80s, but that became a curse on the Cuomo family.
	So their father was like, I'm not a homophobe.
	I'm not a homophobe.
	I'm not a homophobe.
	This is like the son of the vote for Cuomo, not the Homo guy, right?
	So they were so determined to distance themselves from their father, their homophobic father, that they became like freaky.
	Because you know, if you have nipple rings, as Andrew Cuomo sure seems to have, you get pegged by your wife.
	You're into toe sucking.
	Like you do freaky shit.
	No one is just like, I have nipple rings and I make love to my wife missionary style, but once every three weeks and I don't look at porn.
	No.
	You get spanked.
	And not with a hand, with some sort of paddle.
	Like he has a box under the bed with all kinds of sexual bric-a-brac.
	So anyway, similarly, his brother Chris probably has a flair for design, people.
	And that includes Gordon Gartrell white fur cushions.
	What are you doing?
	Looking for another mouse because I'm trying to see if I could utilize this computer here.
	Okay, let's focus on the task at hand here.
	That was him again.
	Brian Stettler.
	So we've already done him.
	Oh, so then someone makes fun of him.
	He moves that.
	He still loves this 1920s Hollywood light, whatever the fuck that is.
	And why is that in your bedroom?
	When you're checking like the follicles of your bag and you want to see, is that for hemorrhoid exams?
	Why would that be in your bedroom?
	Is that an interrogation light?
	Most bedrooms, their problem is they're missing lights.
	Like there's not enough light.
	It's kind of hard to read unless you bend the lamp.
	You don't have this fucking Waco, Texas.
	You guys come out with your hands up lights.
	And then there's this, the carefully handcrafted.
	First of all, I hate these chick bookshelves that are vertical.
	They're so lame.
	And you know, he sat there.
	There's probably a whole hierarchy.
	Like, you know how the KKK thinks like, I don't know exactly how it goes, but Jews, mulattoes, blacks, gays, like they have a whole hierarchy.
	This is his, this is the best book ever.
	This is probably like Black Lives Matter.
	It's probably the same as the KKK's hierarchy of value, but in the opposite.
	So this is probably like why, why Jews should win and so on down the line.
	Why women matter, why the black vote is better than the white vote.
	Anyway, that's fucking annoying.
	He's a loser.
	Most Midwestern.
	I don't get that joke because she has one of those cake things.
	What are those for?
	To keep the cake fresh?
	But there's air all around the cake.
	Yeah, but you keep the bugs away.
	Bugs?
	Bugs will stick right in that air.
	That's not a Midwestern thing.
	They'll stick right in there.
	Oh, you're going to Madison, Wisconsin.
	Hope you're ready for some serious mosquitoes.
	Yeah.
	Dust.
	Oh, the dusty Midwest.
	That one annoyed me.
	Next.
	Most likely to be filming in upscale women's bathroom.
	Dude, just get that out of there.
	Maybe even take those down.
	That would be fine if that was just white.
	Keep going.
	Most ostentatious display of a fancy vacuum.
	This, of course, is the daughter of Zoe Tour, who was the helicopter driver for OJ when he was in the Bronco and later decided that he was too machismo.
	So he removed his penis, made it into a vagina.
	And we've shown you that operation and how easy it is to do.
	Some of you could probably even do it at home.
	Jazz Jennings appears to have done it herself.
	And then he had boobs put in and he makes love to men.
	He also lectures me on how I've ruined my reputation.
	And she's not speaking to him.
	But yeah, that is, I wouldn't say that's, you know who wrote this is fucking broke when they think it's ostentatious to have a Dyson hand vacuum.
	Ooh, la-di-da.
	Nice Rolex.
	All right, what's next?
	Most desperate for the world to know he has an Emmy.
	I actually was very surprised to know that's the guy from Shark Tank, the Canadian dude, Hungarian name, who he just designed software.
	Why does he have an Emmy?
	Oh, for Shark Tank.
	So all the judges get an Emmy?
	It's kind of cheating.
	Maybe the producer should get one.
	That's another thing I just invented.
	From now on, if a show wins an Emmy, it's just the person responsible.
	So if Oprah wins an Emmy, she gets one.
	Not Heron Makeup and the line producers.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	It's like the Academy Award, right?
	Not everyone involved in the movie gets it, just like the Brad Pitt.
	Hungriest star.
	You'll notice that they're all liberal, right?
	She has a fucking half-eaten banana.
	What is that?
	Is that a banana peel or a banana that's untouched?
	I think it's a peel.
	I see inside of that banana.
	Here's something else I just made up.
	This is a very spontaneous episode.
	I think women who enjoy bananas are sluts.
	Next.
	I mean, think about it.
	Why do you have a fixation with such a phallic fruit?
	It would be like if I was constantly eating out pomegranates.
	You'd go, are you lonely?
	Are you okay?
	You'd think I was a perv.
	think I had my nipples pierced.
	You know Cuomo just...
	And bananas.
	And bananas.
	Waspiest David Faber.
	This person who's writing this article is white trash, and they're broke, and they've never had anything.
	So they're kind of...
	But yeah, that is kind of a queer thing to want to show off.
	Next.
	Oh my God, Ling Kent.
	Joe Ling Kent.
	I was on Red Eye with her.
	She has enormous breasts.
	I would murder my entire family, including my children, on Christmas Day, just to be able to motorboat her.
	And I'm not proud of that.
	That's a horrible feeling to have, but the feeling is here.
	I'm just acknowledging it.
	And what's her most problematic adherence to stereotypes about millennial women and house plants?
	That joke sucked.
	Rachel Solomon.
	What's she?
	Oh, that's the same one?
	Yeah.
	They all have that.
	Millennia Women and Houseplants.
	Millennial Women are usually such slobs that they don't have house plants.
	They're all brown thumbs, and it's not from thumb-banging Andrew Cuomo.
	Remember that?
	Well, I shouldn't say remember that to you, but I remember before I was married, every time you'd go to a chick's house, it was like Dresden.
	Yeah.
	It was just, there was a mound of clothes on the ground that were clean.
	Next, it was a mound of clothes that were dirty.
	They were just like disgusting.
	Yeah, everything wrong was that.
	In fact, we'll get to that.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	Wait, but it looks like a handsome John Lott.
	What's this best wall art?
	And I can't see the wall art.
	Can you?
	Is it like a football touchdown?
	Oh, Jesus, that changed everything.
	That's nuts.
	That did not help at all.
	No.
	Sometimes you do that on a computer where you go Command Plus and it doesn't get bigger.
	Yeah, it just sucks more.
	It gets smaller.
	Pretty curious, by the way.
	Here we go.
	We're going to pin this sucker down.
	What is that?
	Is that football shit?
	Yeah, it looks like some kind of like some sort of baseball player's eating out a fellow player's ass.
	I don't think there's eating out happening.
	I think that might be some sort of football tackle thing.
	I see, because I see gloves.
	So do I, but it looks like he has thighs in his hand.
	Yeah.
	The old days when they, if you won the Super Bowl, one of your fellow players would stand on his hands and then he'd put his knees on your shoulder and you would go onto his butthole.
	But it was seen as gay and they stopped doing it.
	So now they just slap each other on the butt and say, good game.
	Speaking of normal sex, if you're stuck at home with this disease, which we're not calling chink inpox, and we don't like when people do that, we call it COVID-19.
	We don't call it kung flu, you might want to go to bluechew.com.
	And I think a lot of people are drinking a lot.
	They're having a bit of trouble with the erections when they get wasted, but their wife's ready to go, and that's a waste.
	So you should have Blue Chew on the go.
	Use promo Code Gavin, and my listeners get their first blue chew order free.
	Vinny, the ad guy here, wants me to say that you can burn calories the old-fashioned way, not old-fashioned way, but old-fashioned way.
	So, I guess by old-fashioned, he means like flappers and silly mustaches and double-breasted suits.
	Bend over, you fuddy-duddy.
	And you can have in your bedroom, you can have one of these old-timey lights that shines on the bed and really illuminates the fornication.
	Let me rough you up from behind.
	Blue Chew.com, promo code Gavin, and may all your ups and downs be between the sheets.
	So, yes, we've discussed Blue Chew quite a few times.
	And if you have a problem, obviously you need to have it.
	But even if you don't have a problem, it should be there as insurance.
	Have you ever seen this?
	You know, when I first started going blind, you know, when you're 40, you don't know this as a young man, but the second you turn 40, you can't read anymore without reading glasses.
	And an older gentleman who was like 50 said, yeah, it sucks.
	No one tells you.
	I don't know why no one tells you that.
	But he goes, here, I'll give you a tip.
	Buy like, they're pretty expensive.
	They're like 20 bucks.
	But buy about 10 pairs of reading glasses and put them in every room in the house, or you're going to spend the rest of your life looking for your reading glasses.
	And I did that, and I cannot recommend it enough.
	But similarly, I would recommend you have a blue chew in every room in the house, just in case the moment strikes and your lady friend says now, and you're either not in the mood or you've had too much to drink or something else.
	All right.
	Should we finish these horrible home studios and pathetic television that's been going on?
	And look, I'm not bragging, but our show is 4% less good since this meltdown.
	Most shows are, I'd say, 78% less good.
	So that means that we're awesome.
	And I don't brag.
	I started suing the SPLC.
	Hasn't even gone to court yet.
	Their head of legal is gone.
	The founder, Morris Dees, is gone.
	Their CEO is gone.
	Boom, boom, boom, all fired.
	The whole place is shook upside down because of me.
	Because of my lawsuit.
	And I've barely dipped into your donations.
	What's this?
	Flashiest display of wealth earned through collaboration with a disgraced sex pest.
	Am I supposed to get that?
	This person must be British, by the way.
	Sex pest is what they call pedophiles.
	Huh.
	That one sucked.
	Saddest attempt by a boomer to seem cool.
	That's for Jimi Hendrix.
	Led Zeppelin.
	Well, isn't that the music he grew up on, though?
	Yeah.
	So, I mean.
	Yeah, that's his generation's art.
	Yeah, that's kind of a lame one to say.
	Like, this old guy is trying to seem young and hip by liking a guy who died 50 years ago.
	Jimi Hendrix probably died in 1974.
	He identifies with the music he grew up listening to.
	Yeah.
	Oh, you like early Led Zeppelin?
	Dude, you were 20 when they were early.
	Fuck do you know about Led Zeppelin?
	Even sadder?
	No, no, that's not so bad.
	Okay.
	If you want to see Sad, I think you should check out Ryan's apartment.
	He nicknamed it the Fag Zone.
	I did not name it the Fez Zone Zone.
	And I don't know who he has over here, but it is a disgusting shithole that I now work in.
	I don't commute to Manhattan anymore.
	Every day, I get on my bicycle and I ride up to the Fag Zone.
	So I thought you should probably see what it's like in here.
	So we made you a mini documentary that is not unlike, what are those NPR ones?
	Ken Burns.
	This is like a Ken Burns documentary.
	It's about our home studio.
	Like a tiny desk.
	Starts with his growth.
	Wait, just look at his slumlord door.
	Now, just to, this isn't really his slumlord's fault.
	Ryan once was with the chick, and he gave her his jacket because she was cold and she was retarded and didn't have a jacket on in the winter.
	And then he got home.
	He went, uh-oh, I don't have my keys.
	And she didn't go, hmm, I'll check the pockets of the coat you gave me.
	So he checks both his pockets, all two of his pockets, and he goes, oh, well, I guess I don't have my keys.
	Broke his own door down.
	His steel door.
	He smashed it.
	How did you do that?
	With your shoulders?
	Oh, yeah.
	And what was the cost to fix that?
	$350, I believe.
	No.
	$375?
	No, I believe it was $800.
	Was it?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but maybe I paid in installments or something.
	Oh, okay, then it wasn't $800.
	If it was only $400 twice, then it was just $400.
	And then later, $400.
	That's not $800.
	Yeah.
	You crazy?
	Was it $800?
	Amen.
	Amen.
	That's close.
	You want to come in?
	Yeah.
	There's a bike they gave him.
	He let the tires go flat.
	I bought this bike just out of the goodness of my heart.
	Now, you might also notice he lives in a shithole called the Fag Zone.
	It's not called the Fag Zone.
	I don't underpay him.
	I pay him very well, but he's 30 and he buys things like expensive cigars and Brooks Brothers suits, even though he's 12 grand in debt.
	So this apartment could be a nice, it's a, what, a one-bedroom?
	It could be nice.
	Sandwich.
	Could be.
	We haven't seen it yet.
	Bike?
	It's not.
	Why does this light in this vault not fixed?
	That's true.
	I don't know.
	I need a ladder.
	You don't have a ladder.
	Ladder.
	What does every G-O-M-L start with?
	Me using our studio's ladder that we brought in.
	It's an integral part of every day of your life.
	And you're like, I don't have a ladder to change the light.
	Unbelievable.
	So we're two steps into your house and we're already drowning in negligence.
	You have a bike with flat tires and you take Ubers instead.
	And then you have this burnt out light.
	I don't UB.
	I rode that thing till the wheels popped.
	So you have a ladder.
	I don't have a light.
	Why don't you get a light bulb?
	Quarantine.
	He's holding a sandwich that he just walked outside and bought.
	And he's like, quarantine, can't get outside.
	I think I know why it's called the fag zone because there's a giant idiotic fag in it.
	Adult male.
	Adult males fix their lights when they burn out.
	I don't really need it, but I don't spend much time there.
	Great point.
	This is Ryan's bedroom.
	This is an unflattering.
	So you did show the studio?
	You jumped ahead to this?
	Oh, yeah.
	It was just a pass.
	I was trying to make it as quick as possible because we were trying to keep it short.
	So Ryan has a living room, which we're in right now.
	I don't know why you didn't show that.
	It's really just this the green screen, right?
	And then he has a kitchen and a bedroom.
	So we're in his bedroom now.
	Which could be great.
	Could be great.
	Didn't I give you this too?
	Yeah, the TV.
	You gave me that chest.
	Didn't I mount it?
	Anyway, I'm not sure.
	I think you helped me mount.
	Like, what the fuck is in this?
	What the fuck?
	Oh, those?
	Yeah.
	That's how you store your cufflinks.
	No, there's coins.
	Coins.
	There's tchotchkis.
	There's wires.
	There's like, you know, batteries.
	Roll that out.
	No.
	Where else am I going to put my hand on?
	The chesco.
	Oh, that.
	That's it there.
	Yeah, yeah.
	His chest of drawers is literally a chest.
	Yes.
	I like it.
	This is disgusting.
	How so?
	You look like the chicks I used to bone.
	I look like them or I both.
	Your room looks like them and you look like them.
	That's all this luxury.
	Same height.
	Never seen a teenage girl's room before.
	Can you take us on a little tour?
	Where'd you get that?
	What's this?
	It's a hat.
	Oh, that's a, you know, like a tapestry, but a small, small.
	A small tapestry?
	What are your Sean Connery now?
	You have two Sean Capital.
	That's a small tapestry.
	Where'd you get it?
	Like, did you roll that up and that was actually a gift?
	One of my friends got that for me because I was like, I wanted to cover my windows or something.
	Not for nothing.
	I got you a tapestry of a purple sunset.
	I think it's for the fag zone.
	I think I mentioned that I wanted to cover my windows or something.
	So somebody hooked me up.
	I mentioned that I wanted to cover my windows or something.
	Yeah, but not for this house.
	It's for my old place.
	Do you believe what I have to live with?
	This is my guitar.
	Very nice guitar.
	It's a Martin.
	Fat chick bought that for him.
	It's possible.
	Could you sing songs?
	And they buy him nice gifts.
	There was a half.
	Mother, tell your children not to.
	No.
	Here's this area I have.
	Here's this area.
	You're a great host that I have.
	We should switch jobs.
	Here's an area that I have.
	Here's an area that I have.
	Some Purel.
	So you sit.
	Why do you have a mask at your little desk here?
	Well, in case I got to up and go.
	Now I got my scan.
	That's classic Ryan right there.
	That's a lie, right?
	But he wants to have an answer right away so he doesn't look stupid.
	So he goes, oh, this is my get up and go.
	So I always have it here because this is where I do my work sometimes.
	And then I'll just grab it and go.
	Or like with the light bulb, I go, why is that still burnt out?
	And he goes, oh, I don't have a ladder.
	Like, I got to have an answer.
	He talks to people like he's talking to cops who have a flashlight in his face and he has to come up with something.
	My prevention and my weapon.
	Yeah.
	That's the input so that way I can record my musics.
	Vape juice.
	I've got tea.
	I offered you a $2,000 couch and you said, no, you prefer this because you built it.
	It's a piece of shit for my kids.
	You could have had a designer couch.
	It's $500, this bad boy.
	I had to put her together myself.
	Sometimes that slips out.
	It's a real problem.
	My great grandmother, my non-autonomous.
	If people enjoying this as little as I am, I could look at the chat, the Discord chat, in a minute.
	My little.
	What's this weird rock?
	What rock?
	That rock there.
	On top of that.
	You got a laundry machine in your house.
	Why don't you just do your fucking laundry?
	Yeah, I'm going to.
	I let it build up.
	I still have tons of clothes left.
	That's weird.
	That's a Himalayan sea salt lamp.
	It's a Himalayan sea salt lamp, he says.
	Yeah.
	It's an HSS L L. Thanks.
	See, my favorite joke is doing acronyms, but you're so stupid that you can't do them.
	One day.
	If it was a three-letter, three-part word, that'd be funny.
	You can't even say that.
	You get mood lighting here.
	If you could just demonstrate.
	Here, hit the light.
	You should fast forward.
	This is painful.
	Go to the kitchen.
	This is the mood lighter.
	He has four turns on.
	Yeah, I don't want to watch this anymore, right?
	Can you fast forward to the kitchen?
	This is embarrassing.
	You've got some shows...
	He shows us some toilet paper he got on Amazon, which is small.
	What do we got?
	I'm a Pop-Tart cereal kind of.
	So that's what I got there?
	That's racist epithet.
	What's this?
	This is a...
	This is bread.
	I'm letting it ferment.
	Now, I will say, I will see you wonder bread.
	We're on YouTube.
	I'm impressed that you make bread.
	Emily and I have been trying to make it, my wife and I, and it's disgusting what we've made.
	And I saw the previous loaf you made, and it looked like wonder bread.
	Like, it looked like it's factory-made bread.
	The thing is, you have to be strict about the measurements.
	It's a science, not an art.
	Like, cooking is.
	Baking is.
	You got to stick to those measurements.
	So maybe she's not being accurate with the amount of milk or whatever?
	She may be.
	Yeah.
	It's very little milk.
	It was like a quarter cup.
	Yeah, I don't use any milk.
	I use butter, salt, sugar, yeast, water, dough.
	I mean, flour.
	That's it.
	Why do you have the cadence of the president right now?
	I use sugar.
	We all know sugar.
	All right, let's keep going.
	How do you make bread?
	See, you brought my peanut butter whiskey home.
	Yeah.
	The great thing about peanut butter whiskey is it lasts for years because no one wants it.
	There's actually another bottle back at the studio.
	I got multiple bottles from the guy named John.
	From the guy named John.
	I do sound like Trump.
	From the guy.
	His name is John.
	Guy named John.
	Yeah, he got me like three of those.
	Flour?
	You could use short.
	I was on a Proud Boy chat recently, and we often show the drinks that we're having, and we're like, hey, boys, have a swig for me.
	This is from England.
	Yeah.
	And some guy, it's usually Makersmark Bud, normal stuff.
	And then some guy was like, ready to rip into this.
	And it was that.
	What's it called?
	Screwball?
	Yeah.
	Peanut butter whiskey.
	You want to do another read and finish this?
	I'd rather eat out a quarterback's butt after he got a touchdown.
	A quarterback's butt.
	We're at 30 minutes right now.
	You know, I know.
	It's an art, not a science.
	There's a whole bunch of different recipes.
	I mean, I had to find one that just with my limited ingredients, because here's what I really, this is all my baking section here.
	I have rice and egg noodles.
	You know, butter pastas and the other ones.
	This is flour.
	You can see my eyes this way.
	You know, I have rice.
	I heard you.
	Pancake batter.
	But I don't know if the audience heard.
	You know, in individual bags.
	So they keep all fresh.
	So the flour stays fresh, just in case.
	Does flour go bad?
	Just pause.
	He keeps his flour fresh because you know how flour goes bad.
	Don't you hate that?
	When you go to get your flour and it's all rotten, it's curdled.
	No.
	Curdled, disgusting, gross, rotten, stiff flour covered in mold.
	I explain.
	Moisture.
	Moisture.
	How many times roughly have you come across rotten flour in your life?
	Not rotten, but exposed to the elements.
	I'm not one for that.
	I don't want to give any sort of bug any reason to be.
	There's no bugs here.
	I know, but I don't know what it is.
	We're turning into an old couple of fags in the fag zone.
	He has sugar that he takes out of the box because one time his sugar was gone faster than he thought.
	And he thought, hmm, I know what happened.
	Roaches got in here, ate it all.
	No, turned it to shit.
	That's why.
	So they've been feasting on it.
	He's never seen a roach in his apartment once, ever.
	So he goes, not falling for that again.
	Invisible cockroaches.
	So he pours his sugar out of the box into a Ziploc bag, then puts that into the fridge.
	Yeah.
	So the roaches are outside the fridge going, oh, fuck.
	This guy's good.
	Go to another apartment, buds.
	Humid in here or something like that.
	It gets clumpy.
	Let's see your fridge.
	Okay.
	Is that a good idea?
	So I have defrosting some beef and chicken beer in that.
	Beef and chicken.
	Sugar.
	Budweiser.
	Water.
	That's my brother.
	And then what's going on with your freezer?
	Let's go box of Budweiser and go.
	Budweiser?
	From hot ones.
	My hot sauce.
	Do you like to taste the little cribs?
	Nope.
	How about the first one?
	Exactly like Logan Paul's.
	I got steak.
	I got coffee.
	I got plug rate awakening premium coffee.
	So not unlike here.
	The first thing we toured gets real bold.
	I didn't get to show you my $200 knife.
	So maybe we should sign out.
	Got some coffee, some pots.
	Yeah, I think my instincts are correct.
	All right, let's go.
	This is it.
	We're done.
	This is the podcast.
	And people complain to me that the podcast isn't as involved and deep and long, kind of like my genitalia, anymore.
	And it's just, it's too quick.
	And then you got these ads.
	You're complaining with something you're getting for free.
	If you can hear this, then it's free to you.
	When we do the paywall, there's no ads.
	And we deep dive into something this week.
	We had Roger Stone on, deep dove into the JFK assassination because he can't talk about his imminent device.
	We went through all the talk show hosts and how terrible their home shows are and how unfunny and talentless they are.
	That's all behind the paywall.
	But in front of the paywall, you got to suffer and we don't give you a lot of juice.
	Speaking of terrible, Vinny the admin has written us a script for this reread of the JA CBD.
	Oh, that's going to be tough because I have to utilize multiple items.
	Well, I'll just do both parts then.
	Okay.
	Jenny Apple's CBD.
	This is the best CBD in the world.
	Okay.
	Tremendous, people.
	Tremendous.
	Lovely products.
	Okay.
	The selection is huge.
	The gummies, the topicals, the tincture.
	Okay.
	Great tinctures.
	Great tinctures.
	And then I say, and right now my listeners get 20% off all orders.
	Just go to jacbd.com and use promo code Gavin.
	And then Ryan goes, 20% off?
	Huge.
	That's huge.
	Go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
	And now Ryan is meant to say, I like Johnny Apple more than a friend, okay?
	I like Johnny Apple more than a friend.
	By the way, now that we're going behind the paywall, Bubba and Hanks, $50 gift card to the first caller.
	So I would call now and get on hold if I were you.
	All GML listeners get 15% off Bubba and Hanks, the promo code Gavin.
	Okay.
	Goodbye.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	never stop fighting.
	...
	You know what I just remembered?
	Back in Vice days, Shane, bullshitter Shane would say, he was annoyed that I was always hogging the spotlight.
	And he'd say, yeah, yeah, yeah, this isn't that.
	Okay.
	This isn't the Gavin show.
	Vice is not the Gavin show.
	Not everything we do has to be the Gavin show, all right?
	I've heard that before.
	And I was like, what, you think I want everything to be the Gavin show?
	You think that my vocation, if it was up to me, would just be like the Gav talking to people on a camera and begging for attention?
	Okay?
	Now I've heard everything.
	But meanwhile, this is the Gavin show.
	Ryan, if you explain another joke of mine, I am going to fucking impale you on that broom from the ass up to the mouth and then spin you around like I'm roasting a pig, but instead I'll be taking a shit on you.
	Oh my god.
	Like a diarrhea.
	So as you rotate, it goes around you in swirls.
	That's painful.
	Oh, you'll be dead by that point.
	Did you ever hear a broom pole that went up your ass and came out your mouth?
	When you were took off a day of school, when you got back into the class, did they let you know that the class was quieter and more behaved without you?
	Yeah.
	Well, not really, because I was so loud and such a pain in the ass.
	I was in the retard class.
	I got into the retard class after third grade.
	Oh, you beat me?
	We talked about this.
	And did you see it there?
	Because I was only in it for eighth grade.
	Two grades.
	And then in high school, it was a fresh start.
	Yeah, it was two grades.
	It was third and fourth because I peed on the desk in front of my girlfriend Zakia.
	For the record, folks, Ryan went to school in the Bronx, where a giant black woman were his teachers, and there was no checks and balances, which is not unlike the Bronx of today, of course.
	And the punishment for bad boys was to take them to a room with a bed in it and not rape them, but similarly, something similar, they would sit on them.
	They would give you the old Lizzo.
	Lizzo would sit on Ryan to punish him.
	Yeah, Miss Sanders.
	Would she read a book while she was on you or just...
	Would you be like, oh, okay, I gotta breathe, I gotta breathe.
	I feel like she was doing something casual, just like knitting.
	Yeah.
	This is pre-IP.
	Until you calm down, and then you're good.
	All right, we don't talk about Corona on this show, but some of the jokes are obviously going to come from Corona Town.
	Like this awesome guy, 1-1, who we tried this in the kitchen, by the way.
	The kitchen you just saw, Ryan tried to do this.
	It's impossible.
	is way harder than it looks and it looks pretty hard.
	Damn, that double at the end.
	Double microwave thing at the end.
	By the way, this isn't in my notes, but I have become obsessed with Bob Menery on Instagram.
	He is a gift from God.
	And he has the most talent.
	What is taking you so long?
	If you must know.
	So when you get too close to the top, see how that thing comes down?
	Now you have to wait for that to go away.
	Okay.
	I tried to click.
	I tried.
	I really tried.
	The clicking isn't.
	We used to think Trump is the best at saying fucking.
	He's got a rival.
	His name is Bob Menery, and he is better at saying fuck than anyone in the world.
	Perfect example is this one.
	This is the best use of fucking you'll ever hear in your life.
	He chugged some beers last game.
	The guy loves to rage, obviously.
	And he's back at it again.
	The first beer goes down the gullet with ease.
	He's looking at number two, and he fucking leaps with the pussy.
	Leap down the gullet.
	Look at this.
	He is saying, I protect you every single game.
	Rogers.
	I don't know what he's doing.
	Has he got a fucking limitation?
	Rogers is going through.
	That is not good.
	Rogers can barely get through half the cup.
	He's going to give up.
	And once he would box the body.
	He's going to die and not finish the beer in that.
	Fall off.
	I can chug a beer.
	I can't do it like that.
	I've never been able to do those, though.
	Really?
	Yeah, they always say open your throat.
	I hate when they say that.
	Oh, it's easy.
	Keep going.
	It's easy, Ton.
	You want to chug a beer?
	We don't have any more beers.
	Oh, I thought you.
	Because you keep them in the box.
	I want to see more.
	He puts up a lot of shit.
	Oh, this one's a good one, too.
	And base is loaded.
	Nobody out.
	Slapper, left side.
	And nice play by the third baseman.
	Digging his way to first overthrown.
	And number 10 forgot to run.
	God damn it.
	Every time in this fucking sport, Peter, brown ball to the fucking finally, we think we're going to see some action.
	Why'd you turn the fucking volume off, Tar?
	It's a replay.
	Yeah, I mean, the video is replay, but the audio is new.
	Have you ever watched sports before?
	Do you know what a replay is?
	Holy shit, you suck.
	Okay, keep going down.
	I think I know all of these.
	Let's go up a little bit.
	Please don't ruin it like you ruin everything in the fag zone.
	Well, Peter, you see here.
	Look at this ball boy in the background.
	Collects his balls like his job is supposed to be.
	Then he runs into the fucking wall.
	Nose plant.
	Doesn't disturb the tennis player one more time.
	Look at fucking Gooey Head go right into the wall and then tennis is back.
	Well, Peter, you see here.
	Look at this ball boy in the background.
	I first discovered him through John Joseph, the singer of the Cro-Mags.
	He's got a cool Instagram.
	He's a surprisingly funny guy.
	New York hardcore dudes, like sick of it all, they are surprisingly funny.
	Even Paul Scheer of Sheer Terror, who won't shut up about the Proud Boys and how he doesn't support them at their shows and they're racist and blah, blah, blah.
	Meanwhile, we're not.
	And Paul Shear, I remember seeing him Zeke hiling out front of handsome Dick Manitobas, which I got was funny and I got the joke and he was just trying to be offensive.
	But for that same person to be a total prima donna about offensive behavior is just fucking ridiculous.
	But anyway, while checking out Bob Menery, he turned me on to these guys, Nelk Boys, which is a Canadian and two Americans who now that school is on Zoom, it's too time consuming to say, all right, class, we're doing this at four o'clock, but I need to verify all of you first.
	So email me, blah, blah, blah, and then I'll make sure you're actually in the class.
	That would take forever.
	So there's no verification going on.
	They just announce the class and 99.999% of the time, just the students show up.
	But these guys have been going into these classes and just fucking with people.
	Like, I think this one is the best one.
	This has been the whole semester where It's like every time I raise my hand, you don't call on me, too.
	You're always calling on Ming and shit.
	Like, Ming's not all fucking that, you know what I mean?
	Like, sure, he has nice glasses and shit, but he's not fucking not everything.
	Yeah, that's what I thought, Ming.
	Turn your camera off.
	Ming, I will, Ming.
	If you fucking turn your camera back on, I'll scrap you next class.
	Don't think this coronavirus shit's not gonna end.
	It is gonna end one day, and I'm gonna see you in person, so don't be grilling me.
	This has been the whole semester.
	It's like every time I'm in the future.
	But he's not in that class.
	How did he get in there?
	I just explained it, you Luddite!
	I was doing stuff.
	Well, watch the show if you want to find out.
	If I could maybe try to get ahead.
	Yeah, I can do that.
	Please, will you put the dishes in the dishwasher, please?
	Shut the fuck up!
	I'm in a class!
	I'm in a class, please!
	Put them in the dishwasher.
	I'm sorry, Peeky.
	Sorry, Miss.
	Yeah.
	Sorry about that.
	Yeah, I was just saying chapter 9 and chapter 10 because I have a lot of spare time now.
	I'm sure we all do like a lot.
	Yeah, I know that some people are definitely wanting Mom, this is why dad left you Because you talk when you're not supposed to What the?
	Okay?
	Of course, the funniest one is the Canadian.
	Sorry, Miss.
	Yeah, even chapter 11 and 12.
	So you can check all those out.
	By the way, speaking of funny Canadians, Justin Trudeau is just hitting it out of the park.
	I am so happy with him because it's like women were given the keys to the country.
	And we said, all right, what do you want to do?
	And they went, we want to vote for the cute guy.
	No, this isn't the right one.
	It's the other one.
	And we went, yeah, but he's retarded.
	He's the Zoolander president.
	And they go, I don't care.
	I think he'll do a good job.
	And you go, what?
	Is it 14?
	He's giving the CBC a billion dollars a year.
	That's the government-controlled, the government-controlled media, just like the BBC in Britain.
	They get a billion dollars, at least $1.2 billion.
	I think there's some trick where they don't include their own salaries or something.
	So it could be like $1.5 billion.
	But they grossed, grossed last year $500,000.
	Guess what?
	That's less than censor.tv.
	I make a fuck ton more than the entire CBC.
	This is the second largest country in the world if you look at land mass.
	Okay?
	It's got the same population as Britain, $500,000.
	And you have to watch it.
	It's on your television.
	You don't choose CBC.
	You turn on the radio, you turn on the TV.
	There's CBC.
	I'll be specific, $490,000.
	And this is the genius behind the whole thing, ladies.
	Like, do you see why I told you that you should have the right to vote, but you shouldn't really vote?
	This is what we end up with when I let you.
	When I let you run the show, you run a shit show.
	Time stamped at 53 seconds.
	I don't know if it is.
	Let's hear it.
	I think those are exactly the kinds of questions that people should be taking the advice.
	By the way, just by the medical experts.
	He locked himself in his house at the first sign of that being arguably the thing to do because he doesn't want this job.
	He's dying to get out.
	So he's going to probably stay in there for a year.
	In fact, Canadians are talking about not opening up Canada again to business until 2021, which is starting some conspiracy theories that people are trying to introduce communism.
	But holy shit, we should be very careful.
	And I know you Americans are bored of Canada, but this is us in five years if we let AOC and her friends have any more power.
	Experts from.
	I am not a medical expert.
	What I have heard from medical experts is that the most important thing is for people to stay home.
	If they do have to go out, they need to keep two meters apart and look to go out as minimally as possible.
	We need to wash our hands regularly.
	We need to cough into our elbows.
	These are the things that we know will slow and arrest the spread of this disease through this country.
	My understanding of what Dr. Tam explained yesterday is that if people want to wear a mask, that is okay.
	It protects others more than it protects you because it prevents you from breathing or speaking moistly on them.
	What a terrible image.
	But it actually is such a double whammy.
	Because on the one hand, he just said, talk moistly, which might be the new name of this show.
	Welcome back to Talk Moistly, where we try to deliver the news, politics, and culture in an erotic fashion for the ladies.
	Talk moistly.
	Talk moistly to me.
	It's a new prince song, Darling Nikki.
	I met her in a hotel lobby talking moistly with the magazine.
	But he said, then after he goes, what exactly did he say?
	That's a terrible image.
	Or speaking moistly on them.
	What a terrible image.
	That's not an image, dumbass.
	It's a dumb thing to say.
	It's a stupid concept.
	And you just massacred the English language because you don't seem to speak it.
	But it would just look normal.
	Speaking moistly, it's just like, hey, what's going on?
	It's not.
	Fuck, it's unbelievable.
	But while I was looking up the Zoolander Prime Minister, what was the hand sign language for that?
	Did you dig into breathing or RC?
	Is that French sign language and English sign language?
	I'm guessing so.
	Speaking English.
	Brian, sign language isn't a language.
	It's one language.
	Is it universal?
	Yes.
	Oh.
	There isn't French and English sign language.
	I thought there was.
	No, and it's not the exact same as English or any other language.
	It's its own thing.
	It's almost like pidgin English.
	Where they put the poo-poo in the big School and Migo Yaya.
	Go to the other Justin Trudeau thing.
	I think it's 1-4.
	No, it's 1-5.
	This is Obama was recently in Canada, and the fucking ass looking is so depressing.
	It's just gross.
	This reminds me of the Academy Awards.
	See a bromance up close.
	Thanks for making that possible.
	Although I still think due diplomacy is more accurate, but I'll get over it.
	Yikes.
	That's Sophie.
	Doesn't she have coronavirus?
	His wife?
	Oh, yeah, I think so.
	Yeah, she got it from Idris Elba or vice versa.
	This is not six feet.
	Oh, this must be affordable this extraordinary welcome.
	Of course it is dumbass.
	Which tempts me to just shut up and leave.
	Just pause.
	This is Obama's shit.
	This is his favorite thing.
	He gets into a room where everyone kisses his ass and then he pretends he doesn't like his ass kissed and he acts all modest about it.
	This defines his presidency.
	It defines his personality.
	You just walk in there.
	It's like Gene Simmons going to a kiss convention and just going like, as everyone screams, going, you know what?
	I think you're the stars.
	I think without you guys, we're not a band.
	Without you buying our records.
	So sometimes I feel like I should be down there and you guys should be on this stage rocking out.
	But I'm happy to do it.
	I'm happy to do it.
	Because it can't get any better than this.
	So Canada.
	It was in February.
	Good joke.
	Local humor.
	It was colder.
	I was younger.
	Michelle now refers to my hair as the Great White North.
	Our only battles take place inside the hockey rink.
	What?
	Even there, there's a ton of place in between parenthood and in prison, too.
	What are you talking about?
	Between Canada and America, I believe, right?
	Oh, I'm caught up now.
	No, there's a lot more.
	Ever heard of the pipeline?
	Or Wroxham Road, frankly?
	That is maintained.
	As Americans, we too celebrate the life of Mr. Hockey himself, the late, great Gordy Howe.
	Who the hell is Gordy Howe?
	Do you remember last when Gordy Howe's birthday was and the whole streets were alive with hockey sticks and people screaming for Gordy Howe?
	No.
	As all Americans do because they love him so much?
	More like Gordy.
	What is he talking about?
	Americans don't give a shit about Gordy Howe or Maurice Le Rocket Richard.
	All right, before we go to calls, we got to catch up on old Cardi B. Where is she now?
	I got a whole Cardi B set list for you.
	All right, and then you sent me a second one, Pop Smoke.
	Oh, no, that's different.
	That's not Cardi B. Oh.
	1-8.
	Now, there's a bunch of them.
	I'm not sure I got them ordered right.
	I don't think this is the famous one.
	No, this, like, I know this sounds, I hate when leftists talk about white trash and stuff, and it sounds like people are human garbage, and it reminds me of the way Stalin and Mao sees the populace as just like things that can be swept away.
	And maybe I am a snob, but the word trash just keeps popping into my head every time she opens her garbage mouth.
	Here we go.
	Um, this is how I press it.
	Ah, what the fuck?
	All right, look.
	She's like a bratty.
	Now go to the next one.
	Is this the famous one?
	Yeah, this is the one that is all over the place that everyone's talking about where she's just schooling us on Corona and entertaining us and just being garbage.
	And you know, I looked up her dad.
	I went, well, obviously your dad was never around.
	That's why she's such a piece of shit.
	No, dad's been there.
	He's very happy with her.
	Her stripping career.
	Everything's been going great.
	I mean, she is rich.
	Probably the most successful Dominican in the history of the Bronx.
	Government!
	Let me tell y'all a motherfucker something.
	I don't know what the fuck this coronavirus is about.
	I don't understand how that shit was from Wuhan, China.
	Now, all of a sudden, this shit is a motherfucking tour.
	And let me tell y'all something.
	I didn't even go up front.
	A bitch is scared.
	I'm a little scared.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, shit got me panicking.
	And a lot of you motherfuckers think it's a joke.
	Like I was thinking, right?
	But that shit right there, just because you think you're immune to it, guess what?
	Your pocket ain't bitch because a lot of shit comes from motherfucking China, bitch.
	So if you wonder where your motherfucking weave or your fashion over, motherfucking packages have arrived, guess what, bitch?
	Ha ha!
	Coronavirus!
	Coronavirus!
	I'm telling you, shit is real!
	Shit is getting real!
	Woo!
	Bitch, I'll scare.
	What a humongous piece of trash.
	Maybe it's maybe it's like because I live near the Bronx and I see the sucker punches every day and running guys' pockets after they're passed out and the arson and rape and fucking punching cops in the head.
	And she just seems so Bronx.
	Maybe that's it.
	I'll never forget when I went to Jamaica when that shit hit the fan after my talk.
	And I came back and I had like two weeks of New York posts and they were all piled up in my front door and I read, I just sort of flipped through them all and it was just Bronx, Bronx, Bronx, Bronx, Bronx on fire, Bronx robbery, Bronx rape, Bronx arson, Bronx kids, fucking raping and beating the shit out of an old lady.
	So maybe I just hate the Bronx.
	But what was that?
	She's inspiring others.
	Go to, oh shit, I only have one.
	Oh yeah, I sent you a video that's embedded in the email.
	Uh-huh.
	Yeah, let's see that.
	Some chick did an excellent job of recreating this piece of trash.
	White women, middle-class white women, fucking adore Cardi B. And they memorize all her songs, they buy all the records, the reason she's rich.
	I don't quite get it.
	Can someone explain that to me during the calls?
	Y'all, like, this Corona shit is pretty serious.
	Like, especially a piercing rosographos.
	Like, this shit is serious.
	Like, this told me Cardi B versus Corona.
	Like, if y'all try to have a meeting with me, like, y'all think you could be using like lupa master hair sanitizer.
	Y'all gotta have hair sanitizer with some cool packs with some goddamn alcohols in it.
	Like, y'all really scared.
	I'll be stocking up on nails.
	I'll be stocking up on goddamn eyelashes.
	Like, she, I'm gonna be pretty if the world is.
	She just used the audio of Cardi B?
	No.
	I'm not wearing this in like a little bikini or something.
	Did she buy all those lashes and those nails for this bit?
	I think girls be buying lashes, be buying nails.
	Seven boxes of lashes?
	That was pretty good.
	That was a really good impression.
	Wait a minute.
	Then it ends with Trump 2020.
	Wait, what's Cardi B20?
	Cardi B20 come right up.
	I don't know if we want to watch this.
	So she's wearing Louis Vuitton or something in Paris.
	And you're just like, what a juxtaposition.
	The most couture label in Europe and fucking the Bronx stripper who thinks motherfucker means you.
	We are not here in Paris fucking on my nigga and eating some snails.
	I've eaten some snails.
	I'll see you in Americans later.
	I'll see you in a minute.
	I'm a garbage person.
	Yeah.
	Oh, this is a funny article.
	So 21, that song like Coronavirus.
	So some DJ made a song of it, and everyone's bored.
	And so it went viral.
	But here's a news piece on the coronavirus Cardi B song.
	So it's a guy just quoting her.
	It's not Cardi B doing the song, obviously.
	But check out how serious this news piece is.
	News.
	In the midst of the international pandemic, COVID-19, Brooklyn DJ I.Marques managed to score a viral hit with coronavirus remix.
	Involving Elmo.
	It's always a great thing to me because that just drives me to go even more for people to make them feel good when they're having a bad day.
	We spoke to DJ IMARKES himself, who told us that while this isn't his first clever remix to go viral, coronavirus remix has already hit number one in iTunes in a number of different countries.
	And much like the actual virus, his remix spread at an alarming rate.
	The song was inspired by a video that Cardi B posted on Instagram in response to the recent.
	Are they talking about a cancer cure right now?
	I bet she's grumpy.
	You know, the fact that that went to number one and just inspired me to get out there and be more creative.
	And as an artist, you know, promote my artistry to other people if I can help them in this time.
	Shit, it might even have saved some lives.
	And if it could do that, even just save like one life, I would be so, so enchanted, you know, and pleased.
	The virus spreading.
	And let me tell y'all something.
	I ain't gonna go up front.
	A bitch is scared.
	The particular part where she said coronavirus.
	Shit, it's real.
	Can we analyze that?
	This deserves a lot of analysis.
	Right there alone is just like, that's something.
	We're on the boat!
	This is real!
	We're on the boat!
	This is real!
	While many fans simply saw the video as a funny, shareable post, Marquise seized the opportunity, making the remix in only 15 minutes.
	People would tag me and say, oh, throw your blessings, this, that and a third.
	iMarquise uses the music production software Ableton to take his favorite elements from almost any piece of video.
	Is this 60 Minutes?
	And he's remixed everything from the Damn Daniel Vine.
	Damn Daniel.
	Damn Daniel.
	It's a joke.
	Why?
	Like, are you going to do a serious news piece on the guy who crashes Zooms now?
	Never would have made it.
	And as for the video itself, Mark V's uses a ton of different clips, like Elmo, the jukebox meme, and others that he pulls from.
	I know.
	Shut up, bitch.
	Women in the workforce.
	Kicking ass, taking names.
	All right, let's start taking some calls.
	And let's make sure that the first call, we see their phone number.
	And we make sure they get a $50 gift card.
	to Bubba and Hanks.
	Now, Bubba and Hanks sent me a massive styrofoam cube of meat that I've been enjoying.
	I'm still only like a third of the way through it.
	And it is fucking exquisite.
	It actually makes me regret the shitty meat I've been eating for so long and tolerating.
	Coronavirus.
	Coronavirus.
	Also, y'all people who in the Discord, you know what I'm saying?
	You got to go to the call-in area of the voice place.
	You should put the number up on the screen, or should you?
	Yeah, that'll come up right there.
	Coronavirus.
	That was pretty slick.
	Yeah, you got boobs.
	You got motherfuckers going to the bathroom.
	I don't shave my legs, because I suck a mean dick.
	Does she not shave her legs?
	No, I saw some Instagram video.
	Howard Stern was talking about it, where she goes, I don't need to shave my legs or do shit like that, because I suck a mean dick, right, baby?
	Cardi B said that?
	Yeah, to her husband.
	Her husband's like, yeah.
	Yeah.
	What did she say?
	All right, we got Zane Boy.
	Hey, Zane.
	What's up, Zane?
	Can't hear you.
	Zane, don't fuck it up.
	This is your big chance, Zane.
	Zane.
	Yeah, I can hear you now.
	You guys there?
	12?
	Is there 12?
	Yes.
	Okay, nice.
	So I'm out here right now, shark fishing on the beach.
	A couple of my buddies, first time ever drinking.
	Grab some Maker's Mark.
	What?
	Came across a hilarious video.
	video the guy uh his name is Bucky Boyd you look it up on YouTube it's called uh oh wait give me one second hold on a sec go back go back are you in uh west palm beach or something you're you're on the beach fishing for sharks no i mean uh i'm in st. Lucy right now man oh nice so you can do that all the way up to port st. Lucie is that like the whole coast of Florida you can you can uh fish for sharks on the beach um I'm
	pretty sure you're supposed to have a license for it, but dude, I live on a private beach, so no one really messes with me, you know?
	That's awesome.
	Super chill.
	That must take some real upper body strength to pull those fuckers in.
	It does, dude.
	Yeah, like we got a nine and a half foot lemon shark a couple years ago, man.
	And she was ridiculous.
	So earlier we were out, took my boat out.
	We got some nice jacks, and we're just dropping it off my beach.
	Lemon sharks, do they attack humans?
	You know, I don't know.
	They might, dude, I know.
	Hold up one second.
	I can hear you guys in the background.
	You couldn't keep that?
	I'm sure you can, but dude, it's just like, I don't know.
	It just feels kind of funky, I guess.
	Like a nine-foot shark, like hauling that back to my house.
	It's a lot of meat.
	It's like, you know, probably over 150 pounds of meat.
	Okay, let me tell you something.
	Let me tell you an idea.
	Let me tell you an idea I had on the show.
	And when I was last in Florida, I was there for spring training for the Mets.
	And I noticed that when you catch a giant fish, they just make a mold of it, and then they throw the fish away, and they make you a recreation of your fish.
	And it's all just based on the honor system, right?
	There's no like this guy who comes in and checks it.
	So let's start a fraudulent, because some of these marlins will sell for $10,000.
	So let's make a fraudulent company that just pretends you caught a 20-foot shark and we'll make you a shark.
	And then you, you know, we could Photoshop a picture of you holding it with a hook.
	And then when people start to suss it up, we move to the next town in Florida.
	We go up and down the coasts.
	Dude, that's a great idea.
	Let's do it.
	Seriously.
	Like, charge people like tourists and stuff.
	Yeah, and restaurants, like hotels, they want to have a 1500-pound marlin in the front room.
	No problem.
	Buy it off me.
	I caught it and got good.
	Yeah, like if you like the marlin.
	Okay, so what's the video you want us to check out?
	Yeah, it's called.
	Oh, fuck me.
	Hold on one second.
	I forgot the name of it again.
	It's called Bucky Boyd is Back.
	So let me just give you a little bit of backstory on it.
	It's about a guy.
	It's his first boxing match ever.
	I'm pretty sure he's retarded.
	I don't know.
	And he's trying to intimidate his opponent and also advertise the fight, I guess.
	But start at the 17-second mark.
	It's called Bucky Boyd is Back.
	Okay, wait, didn't he win?
	Yep.
	Yep, no problem.
	Didn't you win with it?
	Oh, no.
	Oh, heck no, dude.
	Hank.
	Wait, Scott, stop, stop.
	Dude, dude, dude, are you still there?
	Okay.
	What?
	You won a $50 gift card from Bubba and Hanks, the finest meat in the world.
	Oh, no way.
	I forgot about the gift card.
	Yeah, so did I. Dude, yes.
	Yes.
	Does Ryan have your number?
	I do.
	Okay, Ryan's going to call you back in a bit and get all your information.
	It ends with 3-8, correct?
	Your number?
	Yes, that's correct.
	Yep, yep, that's correct.
	Chillo.
	Thanks for calling.
	It's a base.
	Chillo, it's a base.
	If you ever want to hear a shitty version of Ryan's impressions, just tune into the Gavin show.
	I'm a freight train.
	I'm a monster.
	Anyone get in my way in Backley?
	Gonna be runned over.
	I'm 400-pound, seven-foot-tall, appear craziness.
	And anybody steps in the ring with me this time, I don't care who it is.
	I'm going to get runned over.
	Runned over by the locomotive.
	By the time.
	I'm coming to Beckley.
	I'm going to cause someone pain.
	Very much pain.
	And when I do, somebody going to the hospital.
	I don't care who it is.
	Anyone standing my way from winning the rough from Riley Brow this time?
	I don't care who it is.
	Don't go to get knocked.
	I'm inclined to believe that.
	Have we seen him fight?
	Is he fighting in this video?
	Let's see.
	Don't go to get mold.
	Move!
	Move!
	Talk a lot of shit so far.
	Hell yeah, talking Bucky.
	Don't go to get out.
	But if you're seven feet tall and 400 pounds, that's a recipe for a knockout.
	Okay.
	I'm Bucky.
	You ever talk to someone who's been knocked out in boxing?
	They have a sort of like a, hey, what?
	And the words get jumbled up quite a bit.
	That's how Joe Biden talks.
	When Joe Biden talks, I can see a ref holding his gloves and say, look me in the eyes, look me in the eyes.
	We got all kinds of things of the virus of 16 or 17, the Civil War, and for the sake of health.
	All right, that was kind of a boring video, Floridian.
	You're drunk.
	Wait, oh, this is his fight.
	He's been fighting for a long time.
	The people in the country need unity and hair.
	Is this the boxing league that Barstool Sports bought?
	Let's see.
	They bought a redneck, like, boxing...
	League.
	League.
	And it's all amateurs, like, fucking amateurs.
	Some dudes in New York will go down to North Carolina and get a bunch of fights in with just like these random dudes who are drunk half the time.
	And then they're undefeated.
	And you'll see a lot of amateurs with like 20 records.
	Right.
	And that's how they get those perfect numbers.
	Did you like my Joe Biden?
	What?
	You like my Joe Biden impression?
	No, I didn't hear it.
	The man on the left is punching the guy on the right.
	You don't look away there, Bucky.
	Bucky's getting hit.
	I thought you were a monster.
	Where's the volume?
	I don't think he's ever been punched in the face before.
	That's it?
	This is like fucking Master Blaster and Mad Max.
	You're not supposed to put a retard in the ring.
	What are you, Master?
	If you put a retard in the movie, The Ring, it would have been a worse movie.
	That's a terrible Joe Biden.
	What was that impression you were doing yesterday that ended so bad it was shocking?
	Oh, yeah, Denzel Washington.
	I'm Denzel Washington.
	Jack, watching someone fall downstairs, like you go, oh, oh, oh, oh, Jack wants to give me fashion advice.
	Okay.
	Yeah, right.
	Yo.
	Yo.
	Yo, Brian, how much does a suit express cost?
	Express about less than $300, maybe $250.
	Bro, you might as well buy some shit at H ⁇ M, man.
	Dude, the suit, when you come in with your suit on, you don't look good, dude.
	You look like a retarded kid going to a funeral.
	I am.
	You're a funeral, Bucko.
	I'm just saying, dude, no, what you should do.
	Listen to me.
	You need to go to fucking Goodwill, go to the Salvation Army, find a variety of things.
	Why are you even looking at Brooks Brothers, man?
	Like, unless Gavin's paying you $125K a year, you have no fucking business shopping there.
	Yeah.
	Good point.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	It's fucking retarded, dude.
	All I got is a jacket, and it was on sale.
	It was half off.
	Try to get a deal like that.
	You don't just have a jacket.
	You have Brooks Brothers pants and you have Brooks Brothers polos.
	Yeah, but they were $60 a piece.
	You even said that's a good thing.
	Thank you for calling, Caller.
	That was good advice.
	Another thing you can do is get like the hair club for men, whatever they're called, suits, and then take them to a tailor and you can have them fucking men?
	What's that called?
	Zoot suit fucking...
	Men's warehouse.
	Oh, and never, never, never.
	Never.
	I'd rather save up.
	Says the man $12,000.
	I'd rather save up.
	Let's blow me.
	Us people $12,000 in debt, don't stoop to men's warehouse.
	Matt's talking about flip-flops.
	Go ahead, Cornpop.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, man.
	Gavin, I think you need to realize that when people fetishize Cardi B, these white liberal women, it really represents what you say about the North loving or hating blacks in theory and loving them in practice, and the South loving them in theory, but hating them in practice.
	I think the dichotomy between her and someone like Idris Elba, they really, that's how they see Cardi B, that's how they really see black people, whereas they see Idris Elba as like this novelty and a well-spoken one.
	But I think the reason that you see them mind her so much is because that's genuinely how racist they really are.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	They see them as these silly clowns where they go, look at her saying bathroom instead of bathroom.
	It's so endearing.
	Look, I can say it too.
	I'll pop a cap in your ass.
	Exactly.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	And I see it all the time.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Great points.
	Great points.
	You know, Milo and Chadwick were insulting our fans and saying that we should remove the unsubscribe button when they did that stupid prank where they said I was fired.
	And he goes, we have to do it because Gavin's fans are so stupid that they'll immediately take it seriously and unsubscribe.
	But I'm totally open to the concept of having stupid viewers, but the quality of the letters we get and the quality of the calls we get, when I compare that to YouTube comments or the people who call into Opi and Anthony, I think it is a disproportionately high level of intelligence with our viewers.
	Like the calls, okay, the guys that was wasted sent us to a shitty video, but it did end up being pretty funny when he got knocked out.
	And then the other calls, how many times have I said good point tonight?
	It's been quite a few.
	I'm going to try to go to the voice channel.
	Where's Bruce?
	Hey, voice channel.
	You're live.
	Show the Discord on the screen.
	Sorry.
	Should I?
	He's just talking about how to do it.
	guys should...
	Is it bad for Ryan to show the Discord on the screen?
	Unsubscribe button or whatever.
	Oh, maybe they got a...
	Here we go.
	Well, aren't they watching live?
	Yeah, just folks at home who are confused.
	We're going into the Discord.
	Hey, y'all.
	Can you hear us?
	Can you hear us?
	One at a time, boys.
	This is stupid.
	Go back to calls.
	No.
	Oh, you're here, Brian.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So, does somebody have a question?
	Gavin's getting impatient.
	Yep.
	All right.
	So first up, we got user CK Val.
	CK Val, go ahead.
	Hey, what's up, Gav?
	Hey, how you doing?
	Good, good.
	I just was wondering if you've talked to Mercedes Carrera since your last show, because I saw that she and her boyfriend were arrested for sexual abuse and was wondering if you had any like juicy gossip.
	Yeah, I got lots of juicy gossip about that.
	Her ex-husband is a psychoevangelical dude who brainwashed the kid, basically, not unlike Mia Pharaoh and Woody Allen, and said, they practice pornography.
	I don't think he said specifically, you're getting raped, but he said, you're brought into this world of pornography.
	So she calls the, so then he calls the cops when she's there.
	And no, no, sorry.
	Then he calls the cops.
	The cops interview her and they go, what's going on?
	And she says basically what dad told her to say.
	Then the cops go over there and they see all of these cameras in the bedroom.
	And they go, well, you're clearly making kiddie porn.
	But all porn stars have cameras in their bedroom.
	And then they got the double whammy of meth, which all porn stars do.
	And that was stupid to have drugs and guns in the house, but they did.
	Said meth and guns.
	So they go, meth, guns, kitty porn, boom.
	No bail, no nothing.
	I mean, they're going to do a lot of time.
	And Mercedes would never hurt her daughter in a million years.
	She worshipped the ground her daughter walked on.
	She was a great mom.
	And she's been framed.
	And it's part of this whole, it could be my fault.
	It could be her being associated with me, but it's part of the whole Max and John in jail for four years.
	It's part of the whole Roger Stone going to prison for three and a half years.
	This is all part of this deep state, fuck the Trump people, culture war.
	This is the justice system being used to win the culture wars.
	It's sick and depraved.
	And no, I haven't spoken to her.
	No one has.
	Wow, that's crazy.
	All right.
	Well, I appreciate it.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	All right, next.
	Yep.
	All right.
	Next, we got user Taz.
	Taz, go ahead.
	Hey, what's up, Gavin?
	Hey, man, can I just interrupt you?
	Can we show the Discord or is that private?
	No, you can show it.
	All right, let's put it up.
	Show it.
	Yeah, everybody's on notice.
	Go for it.
	Hey, I'm sitting here thinking about this election, man, and Joe Biden hadn't picked a VP yet.
	I'm wondering, what are your thoughts on his VP pick?
	Because they're obviously going to take over when he gets out of the race due to his health.
	I think he's going to choose Kamala Harris.
	I think people are going to push him to choose Andrew Cuomo, but Andrew Cuomo gets pegged by his wife.
	He has nipple rings.
	You know he's got some skeletons in his closet where some fucking gay orgy is going to appear.
	Will you stop showing that picture?
	What if someone had a micro penis?
	Would you show someone your micro penis?
	You like making fun of the handicapped?
	Jesus Christ.
	Bastards.
	Fuck you.
	Fuck you.
	With your heels off.
	Anyways, Camilla Harris, man, really?
	Yeah, he said he's going to choose a woman.
	She's, I think, the most popular woman.
	She sucks, by the way.
	The most popular at like 0.3%.
	I don't like her.
	What?
	At 0.3%?
	Yeah, well, what else?
	He said he's going to choose a woman.
	He can't choose Cuomo.
	Who is he going to choose?
	Bernie?
	I don't know, man.
	I think they're fucked.
	I just wonder what your thoughts were.
	They're so fucked.
	I hereby predict that the results in November are going to be the widest gap between DNC and GOP in the history of the country.
	It's going to be a landslide that has never before seen in history.
	The fact that they have Joe Biden running up against Trump is not even fun.
	I'm not even happy about it.
	I'd prefer Bernie.
	It's sort of like that fight we just saw in the ring.
	Like, it's not even going to be a good fight.
	Trump's just going to go pop, and Biden's just going to fall out of the ring on top of the sportscasters.
	Cheers.
	Cheers.
	Whoa, Jordan Peterson looks like shit.
	Next, we got Raylan.
	Hey, Raylin, how are you?
	Porn pop.
	What's up, fucking Carol Baskin?
	He 30 son of a bitch.
	Come over here smoking Newport and hit it down.
	From now on, the only callers that get in here are ones that want to fucking kill Carol Baskin.
	Mike Gate.
	Go ahead.
	Yes, sir.
	Stop showing that fucking flip-flops picture.
	We didn't have air conditioning in the office, and we were moving at the time.
	This is moving to New York.
	We're packing boxes.
	I couldn't find my shoes.
	I put on some flip-flops for one second.
	Well, then you ain't that striped then, are you?
	I wish I had that shit.
	What's the question, boys?
	I said, well, you ain't that striped.
	We lost him.
	All right.
	Next up is user Kiki.
	Kiki.
	Kiki.
	Okay, so I have a question about the current and coming state of conservatism.
	So as the right has started to shift more left over the last few years and they're like accepting homosexuality, immigration, abortion, do you think like these young traditional groups like American Identity Movement and the Groiper Movement have a chance to shift the right to where it came from?
	Or do you think because the left is just all powerful and the right is becoming more left that they'll just be totally disavowed in the future?
	No, I think America First is doing a great job.
	And I used to, I was wary of them at first because I've seen so many fucking Nazis walk in my front door like Jason Kessler and say, no, no, I'm cool.
	And then it turns out they're not and they're lying and it's a trap and so many fucking feds.
	So I kept my distance for a long time.
	But then I thought, all right, you're against Israel, Israel getting money, right?
	Yeah.
	I know a lot of Israelis who are against the 3.5 billion.
	They think we have our own GDP.
	Fuck it.
	You're against race mixing.
	Yeah, but they don't want to legislate against it.
	And they don't have a problem with my race mixing.
	And when I went to the America First Thing at CPAC, there was not tons, but there was plenty of black dudes.
	And then the closed borders thing, that and abortion are the core of conservatism.
	So that's endorsed.
	And the fact that they want to sustain America today means they're not totally against diversity.
	Like Richard Spencer wants blacks to be shipped back to Africa.
	So I think America First are doing a great service to the conservative movement.
	And I also think that these pussy conservatives who like kick me out of CPAC, CPAC sucked this year.
	The only fun part of CPAC was Jacob's press conference, me getting kicked out, and the Groipers coming in and harassing everyone.
	The rest of it was like a brutal milquetoast collection of sad artisans who had blown way too much money on their little booths.
	So these fucking pussy national review Fox News types who say, hey, look, we have a black friend get boring after a while.
	People want adventure.
	And young people, they don't like rules.
	And these fucking, these, these, the Fox News type of mainstream conservatives, they just can't wait to tell you what not to do.
	The Groipers are dangerous.
	They remind me of, you know, the punk movement in the 70s.
	Yeah, I for the conservative movement.
	I agree.
	That being said, though, I don't like Drag Queen Story Hour, but I don't have a problem with fags.
	I think that gay marriage was sold to us as a Trojan horse, and I don't think they really believed what they were saying.
	But to get involved in gay is wrong and stuff like that, I think young men are disgusted by homosexuals, and I understand why.
	But it's not a hill to die on.
	It's a waste of time.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Let's go back to the caller calls.
	Okay, we're going to switch to the callers, y'all, and we'll be our B. You could leave the Discord up, though.
	Why not?
	It's more colorful than this stupid fake shelf.
	I got to use this.
	Oh, you got to go to the screen?
	Yep.
	If I get a magic mouse for this fucking thing, then I could use it.
	Well, maybe you should have thought of that before we fucking started the show.
	Well, I didn't think you wanted the background of the Discord.
	How the hell would I suppose know that?
	Jennifer.
	She didn't know that.
	Go ahead.
	Go ahead, Jen.
	Hi, the Gavin Rygai.
	How are you guys doing?
	Pretty good.
	How are you?
	I'm wonderful.
	Well, first I wanted to know if you guys think Moist Talker will be playing at the Mercury Lounge when it opens back up.
	When will it open back up?
	Well, Gavin, I was hoping to restore your faith in the American housewife.
	I'm not trying to brag or anything, but it just so happens that I'm everything just about that you think that you say a girl should be.
	Yeah, you don't have to restore my faith in housewives.
	I've always been pro-housewife to a fault.
	Well, I guess I'm talking about the ones that you complain about, like the women in the workforce and oh no, people just, well, that's true.
	Well, anyway, I'm a homeschool mom, and I got married very young, 20 years old, and I maintained my chastity, like you say, a good girl should do.
	I quit school to have kids.
	I just figure I don't need a degree to be a good mom.
	Correct.
	So I feel like it's kind of useless, like you said, like you've said.
	I guess I'm calling because I have an idea to get Ryan married.
	Okay, let's hear it.
	Okay.
	So I think the perfect way to get him married is, now you're going to see some problems with this, but I've already got all those figured out.
	So in exchange for you paying off his $12,000 debt, you will gain complete control of his love life.
	So whatever you say, go.
	It has to be his own fault that he's not married because he's such a cutie and got a great personality and all that.
	So I know he spends his money on really dumb stuff.
	So anytime he's going to, he wants to buy something that's $100 or more, he has to pay you that money too.
	Okay.
	So maybe he'll think twice about...
	Well, if you're the dictator and it's just you and Ryan.
	Yeah, that's more like Pinochet, I guess.
	What?
	I already got him that chick.
	I already siphoned.
	I already rifled through all the chicks in his Rolodex, and I chose that Texas chick with the blonde hair who got accused of being an ethot, but she's just like a political activist on the right.
	What's her name again?
	I don't think she wants to be a public person at all anymore.
	That's why she developed her.
	What's her name?
	She deleted all her stuff.
	What's her name?
	Not saying it.
	Yes, you are.
	No, she deleted all of her stuff.
	Okay, what's her name, please?
	Frank Harry.
	A fucking woman boy.
	Well, see, my plan would fix that because he would have to do whatever you say.
	Yeah, he would be indebted to you.
	Sounds like we have the fascists.
	And, you know, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink.
	And if the horse is retarded, then you're really in trouble.
	And that's where I'm at.
	I mean, I've handed him so many bitches, so many hot chicks that are MAGA and everything.
	And he's just like, oh, yeah, I had to answer the phone, and then I noticed that there was a pigeon flying outside, and I tried to catch it, but they're so fast, and they go up, high, high, high, high.
	You can't get them in the sky.
	They are retarded and deal.
	What do you have to say for yourself?
	Oh, I'm really not in a rush for all that.
	I don't think I'm at a deficit of options.
	I think.
	No one's saying that.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So it's just, it's up to me.
	Yep, thanks for your advice.
	I appreciate it.
	Thanks for calling.
	But believe me, I've tried and I've just given up.
	But what's that blonde chick's name?
	Folks at home, you know who I'm talking about.
	She runs a thing now where she helps populate conservative, like CPAC things.
	She encourages conservatives to go check out certain things.
	She's not even doing that anymore.
	She's got blonde hair.
	She's short.
	She's from Texas.
	She got attacked by Groipers, right?
	Yeah, pretty much.
	Ryan, we do a fucking news show here where it's not about secrets.
	But she's not a public person anymore.
	She deleted all of her things on purpose.
	Hey, Nick.
	You can't not be a public person anymore.
	Hello?
	Hey, bud.
	Sorry.
	I just wanted to say I have this week's Would You Rather question.
	It's been a doozy for me, so I figured I'd ask the experts.
	Okay, so a bartender pulls out two shot glasses, okay?
	One shot glass has your dad's sperm in it, chilled, and the other glass with your mom's period blood.
	All right.
	Which one are you going to pick?
	Gun to your head.
	I don't know if you've been watching the show much, but we don't like when mom and dad get involved because you're saying ruin your relationship with your parents forever.
	Shit, that's true.
	That's true.
	Mom is sexual, and menstrual blood is really just like an apartment for a dead, for a baby that never got lived in, so they got rid of it.
	So it's more like shit.
	So I would go with my mom's period blood.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	In the future, people, try to avoid mom and dad in the Would You Rathers.
	It's a cop-out.
	Now that's how guys talk to one another.
	We got Britt talking about unit 731.
	Hello?
	What is this?
	Storage Wars?
	No, Unit 731 was the Japanese Imperial Army, their scientific bioweapons experimentation unit.
	And I was just calling to think, do you think that China absorbed a lot of those scientists?
	And is that why they're so interested in bioweapons and biowarfare nowadays?
	I mean, that's why I don't talk about coronavirus much on the show because it's out of my league.
	But I'm trying to get Jim Goad to do a show on this network because he's a total expert on shit like that.
	And he was telling me about Japan, you know, having these ceramic bombs of fleas that had syphilis that they were dropping on China and their own population just as an experiment.
	So the number of government experiments where they've just massacred thousands of people by giving them these diseases is not uncommon.
	I mean, the fucking smallpox blankets thing is a myth.
	That was just a general suggesting it.
	And another general said, no, we probably end up getting it.
	But biowarfare is nothing new.
	So I wouldn't put it past anyone.
	My gut instinct with this, and I'm not an expert, but my gut instinct is they were developing plague-like viruses and working with them, not to cure people, but to hurt people.
	And which is a dumb thing to do, which is why we didn't do the smallpox thing.
	And someone got it on their fucking hands or something.
	They went to the wet market, and that's where it spread.
	I don't think it was from a bat at the wet market.
	And that's another reason why we need stronger borders and we need to be more skeptical of China and their incompetence.
	This plague could be incompetence.
	Exactly.
	China is SHO.
	Yeah.
	You guys should check out Unit 731.
	The shit they did was pretty fucked up.
	And a lot of what I've been reading about them lines right up with what the Chinese are doing today.
	So that's all I wanted anyway, guys.
	Doing a great job.
	Thank you.
	Thanks, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	What are the chances he's not Canadian?
	Zero.
	Zero.
	I can't identify Canadian accents, like their location.
	I know in Vancouver, they use an A a lot more, and the Ottawa Valley has more of a singing Irish little.
	Fucking look at this guy over here.
	And then in, obviously, the East Coast is easy.
	That's trailer park boys and all that.
	But when we get to like Calgary, Winnipeg, and Ontario, I can't differentiate.
	We got Experian David Sam Cedar.
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Just had a question back when I guess it was Anna Kasperian's, whatever the name of that show she had was.
	Anna Kasperian.
	When she tried to accuse you of calling into David Packman's show, did anybody ever try to claim the money and actually think it was you?
	Because it's very clearly, it doesn't even remotely sound like you.
	But also, don't they have caller ID?
	I have all your numbers, by the way, when you call in.
	So couldn't he just call the guy back and see if it's me?
	I don't understand.
	And when she accused me of offering liberals money to be on the free speech show, that's because it's true.
	I hired a firm to find liberals that I could pair up.
	Getting conservatives is easy.
	Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, boom, boom, boom.
	They'll show up.
	Half the time, they just say, pay my hotel and flight, Gavin, whatever.
	But liberals are a nightmare.
	The prices go from $5 to $20,000 sometimes.
	And I just thought, fuck it, this isn't worth it anymore.
	They're bitches.
	And the fact that Anna turned down the money and thought that I was some cabillionaire, lady, we've got almost 16,000 subscribers paying $10 a month.
	We have money in the bank.
	The thought that you think there's this secret funder, this Soros guy who's controlling the behind the curtains just shows that she's fucking broke and thinks five grand is an insurmountable amount of money.
	I am never going to financially.
	Anybody think you actually sit there and watch David Pachman's show and hang on the line to see if you can get online with him just to say, oh, you should watch Censor.tv?
	If I have free time, I want to catch up on our shows, Biggs, Milo.
	I want to watch Soap's videos.
	And then I might check out Anthony Coomi's show.
	Why would I watch something like David Pachman or The Young Turks or any of these other shows?
	Who the fuck has time?
	Maybe if I wanted to see a liberal just to get annoyed and see what they're talking about, I might go to Rachel Madow or Chris Hayes or someone like that, but I'm not going to fiddle around with some fucking boring liberal YouTuber who thinks everyone's a Nazi.
	But I'm talking to you here on a YouTube video.
	Actually, you know what?
	I just remembered now?
	When they told me they had asked David Pachman, I was bummed because I thought, I don't want to see that fucking guy.
	I don't like that guy.
	He called Proud Boys racist.
	We got Daniel.
	A lot of the people they would say they were going to get, I went, oh, fuck.
	I mean, I guess I did ask you to go get me liberals, but a lot of these people I want to fucking fight if we ever get within four feet of each other.
	Who was the other one I was super bummed about?
	Shit.
	I can't remember.
	Getting hip-hop wrong.
	Is that right?
	Gavin.
	Yo.
	Let's put on heels and fuck.
	I got two.
	Let me fuck you with my heels.
	Quick, pompous corrections and then a comment.
	Okay, I know what you're going to say, and you're wrong.
	Gizza, that album sucked.
	The best post-Wu-Tang solo album was Old Dirty Bastard.
	Then it was Ghostface Killer with the Daytona 500 single.
	And then, of course, it's the chef, Ray Kwan.
	Gizza is basically Ugod.
	That's completely untrue.
	You God doesn't have lyrics.
	Liquid swords.
	Liquid sword in my ass.
	You sound so ridiculous.
	Hold on, hold on.
	You sound ridiculous.
	This thing was the goodie mob era.
	Huh?
	You sound ridiculous.
	Yeah, a little bit.
	You attributed Goody Mobs, They Don't Dance No More to Outcast.
	So that was your first mistake.
	I wasn't able to get through when you made the mistake, so I'm a little late.
	They were a part of the same collective and recorded at the same time.
	In other words, totally irrelevant distinction.
	Goody Mob and Outcast were basically the same band.
	No.
	There was so much crossover with those guys back and forth.
	Any songs Andre 3000 did with Goody Mob?
	That's a fair point, but you're still technically incorrect.
	And as far, you could ask any hip-hop head.
	I'm a hip-hop head.
	Arguably the best Wu-Tang solos were either Raekwon the Chef, you're right, only built for Cuban Lynx.
	What am I wearing right now?
	What's around my neck?
	But Cuban Lynx.
	Liquid Sword by Purists.
	It's one of the best hip-hop records of all time.
	Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
	The way that you shit it on it, it was almost unforgivable.
	You know what I'm going to do to you?
	I have that album, that vinyl, signed by Gizza.
	I'm going to bring it on the show and smash it on camera just in case you're not going to be able to do it.
	You're an asshole.
	The comment, I voted for Obama twice, and I've voted for Hillary Clinton.
	I'll definitely be voting for Trump this go-round, most of it on the strength of how horribly they represented you and how unfair all of these media outlets were to you.
	I've known about you since you were on Compound, and I'm pretty familiar with your career.
	And I've never heard you say anything remotely as grotesque as the things that got attributed to you.
	You're constantly taken out of context, and the bullshit gets repeated over and over.
	And it's a really shitty situation, but for any rational, relatively intelligent person watching it happen, it makes who's the good guy and the bad guy crystal clear.
	Yes, thank you very much.
	Thanks for calling.
	And the thing that annoys me about that framing thing, too, is Tucker Carlson said this when they found some quote where he said, like, I make my maids and servants serve me on a gold tray or some very obvious joke.
	And he goes, look, I'm on TV for an hour a night.
	I mean, if you're curious about me, I'm right there.
	And as far as me being like this horrible white supremacist ogre, go to YouTube.
	Like, there's 9 billion videos of me ranting about shit.
	You're not going to find one where you go, the goddamn Negro came over here to pick cotton.
	And now he's stuck in our hair like a crow.
	He's like a crow tangled in our hair.
	We got to get him out and get him back to Africa.
	Now we can have cruise ships.
	Take them one by one.
	It'll be a beautiful cruise.
	And when you add up all the costs of the Negro, the cruise will be beneficial financially.
	And as far as the Jew.
	That's why I did that at NYU.
	I did that guy.
	And everyone went, what the fuck?
	And I said, why are you freaked out?
	You just pepper sprayed me because I was that guy.
	So they don't even believe it.
	But I got off easy, man.
	I had a bad couple years.
	My kids' social life was fucked with.
	I didn't go to prison for four years.
	I'm not Roger Stone.
	I'm not looking at, I'm not, I might not possibly die in prison because I pissed off the feds by making a fucking typo.
	That's when shit got real.
	Is when I had feds in my house, I had the DA in my house.
	I had my lawyers saying they're trying to make you the leader of the gang, and they're going to use this gang definition to throw those guys in prison.
	Say it's not a gang.
	Take yourself out of it.
	Don't give them that.
	Didn't help.
	I actually don't know if it helped.
	Saving money.
	Hello.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey man.
	Hey, I just want to say I really enjoyed the episode with Roger this week.
	It was really good to see him.
	He looked like he was in pretty decent spirits.
	And his stuff on the JFK conspiracy really got me going again on that.
	And I was looking at all like a bunch of material that's out there.
	I got his book because it did seem really interesting, all the dots that he was connecting there.
	One of the things I did was I remember this old episode of this conspiracy theory, Jesse Ventura.
	And one of the weird things about that show was you can get season one, you can get season three, but season two is not available anywhere.
	It's like they memory hold that.
	You can't get it on iTunes, you can't get it on Amazon, you can't get it anywhere, you can't get it on DVD.
	It's just completely gone.
	And that's the season that has the JFK episode where they interview Lee Harvey Oswald's wife, where she says a bunch of stuff.
	Wait a minute.
	What show are we talking about?
	Is this Jesse Ventura we're talking about?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	The second season of his show has been deleted.
	It's gone.
	Look on Amazon.
	Look, try to order it there.
	Try to order it on iTunes anywhere.
	It doesn't tell you what it's going to be anywhere.
	It's gone.
	The deep state deleted.
	It had too much reality in it.
	They were scared of the truth.
	I know, Jesse Ventura.
	I could probably track him down and ask him about that.
	Ask him that.
	Ask him that.
	That is such a weird thing.
	There's a couple other episodes in that season, too.
	The one about Plum Island, where supposedly that's where they developed Lyme disease and put it in ticks, and then that's when it got across the Long Island Sound to Lyme, Connecticut.
	There's a couple other episodes in there that seem a little controversial, but I don't know why the whole season is just gone.
	Title is unavailable.
	That's two things I've got to do.
	Break a Gizza record and contact Jesse Ventura.
	Yeah, I was talking with Tucker Carlson about this a while ago, and I said, you know, even three years ago, if I'd say, Alex Jones, what will he think of next?
	I mean, I always liked him, but I just thought he was way out there.
	Roger Stone with his JFK stuff, I was like, okay, whatever, dude.
	It was three different groups at the same time.
	And now I am open to anything.
	I used to hate truthers and think that was ridiculous.
	But now I don't just take any, I'm not anyone's dog for a bone, but I'm open to anything now.
	Well, not aliens, but anything else.
	Jesse Ventura must know why they put that in the memory hole.
	So it's going to be great.
	Get him on and ask him.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	I'll check that out.
	Want to go back to the Discord?
	Sure.
	Let's go back to the disco.
	Hey, Cord.
	This is how British people do American accents.
	Hey, man, I want to go down to the disco, man.
	It's going to be really cool.
	I'll drink some beers.
	This is like a total cool thing to do.
	Oh, that's Europeans doing American accents.
	Hey, y'all.
	What's up, y'all?
	We're back on the Discord.
	Not sure you can hear me.
	Not sure if you're ready.
	Show the Discord to the peoples.
	You are gay.
	What?
	Are you gay?
	Why are you gay?
	Vinny gay to the people ready.
	That was good.
	Yeah.
	You are gay.
	All right.
	We're going to give Raylan one more shot.
	Raylan, go.
	Am I audible?
	Yep.
	Amen.
	Yep.
	Cool.
	All right.
	So, my question is: what advice do you have to someone who wants kids but is fucking terrified because of all the unknown variables and complete change of lifestyle?
	All right.
	Thanks.
	Like you more than friend.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	Just stop thinking so much.
	You know, the best way to get a job done is to turn your brain off.
	When I was a tree planter in Northern Ontario, it's a really monotonous job and you got to dig a hole every six feet.
	You get paid eight cents a tree.
	So you better plant a lot of fucking cheese.
	And we would make like 10 grand of eight cent trees.
	And that, the secret of that was just turning off your brain.
	Same if you're jumping off a cliff into a swimming hole.
	Stop thinking so much.
	Just be like, I'm an idiot.
	And jump in.
	Same with going up to a girl, talking to her.
	Sometimes I find if you're really freaked out in a situation like even a fight, say you're going to get into a fist fight, you leave your body and you float up about 20 feet above your body and you go, now you're just playing a video game and you go, go fight him.
	And now this empty shell has to go in and start fighting some dude.
	And then you're like, wow, it looks like I might be winning this one.
	Oh, no, maybe not.
	Similar motherfucker fights.
	Having kids, like it works itself out.
	Plus, by the way, when it comes out, the endorphins are surging through your head.
	So it's not like I took a newborn baby from the hospital and just plopped it in your house and said, go work on that, fucking feed it.
	The love that is emanating from your chest, it's gay to talk about.
	It's so incredible.
	It's like it's like you became a junkie and someone gave you unlimited heroin.
	So you love wiping their ass.
	You love all this shit.
	It's not scary because you have this Darwinian reward going, this magical endorphin that's saying, you're doing the right thing.
	This is awesome.
	Like my phone is my family.
	And every time I see them to unlock it, I just get this surge of dopamine.
	All right.
	Next, we got up user Savage Sam.
	Sam, go.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Hey, man.
	I have a YouTube channel, and I've noticed that ever since this quarantine started, me and a bunch of other smaller conservative YouTube channels have started to disappear off people's feeds.
	Do you think that's weird considering what's going on with Corona?
	And how would you suggest that we get around that?
	Speaking.
	Yeah, it's a tough call.
	You know, I was talking to Slightly Offensive yesterday.
	I don't know if that's aired yet or if they're still editing it, but we were talking about this sort of wall.
	Big tech built a wall.
	And if Fleckis came out today, he would get maybe 25 views.
	He would not be Austin Fleckis.
	You won't have heard of him.
	It's hard for anyone new to appear on the scene.
	Like, why did people follow me to censor.tv?
	Because they heard of me before.
	If you started a censored.tv right now, how the fuck are you going to advertise it?
	How are you going to get enough people to make it monetizable?
	And as far as YouTube goes, I don't know.
	I mean, I think the secret is to focus on new and different platforms like that Nick Fuentes thing and DLive, whatever that is, Telegram, Parlor, This Discord is cool, Reddit.
	We just have to keep moving, keep mobilizing because we're at war.
	This is a culture war that went from an ethereal concept five years ago where it's like, they kind of gay and we're kind of awesome and that's lame to like friends in prison.
	You can't use Chase Bank anymore.
	Your daughter can't go to this school.
	You can't go to this hotel.
	Like things have fucking ramped up to matrix levels.
	Yeah, it is really hard for smaller channels to grow, I've noticed.
	Oh yeah, my channel is, I used to get 100K easy on videos.
	Now it's 23K and subscribers tell me they don't get notifications when I put a new video up.
	Yeah, I only have 630 and people DM me all the time saying that they don't get notifications from me.
	And I'm like, well, I don't know what to tell you.
	Oh, if you only have 630 subscribers, I shouldn't be wasting my time talking to you.
	Sorry, thanks for calling.
	In the future, guys, don't talk to me like you're a peer if you don't have any followers or fans or anything.
	Can we do no more nobodies?
	We're running out of time here.
	We've only got 10 minutes.
	Let's have a nobody free zone.
	All right.
	Next, we got user Waka Flocka Frost.
	Better be a somebody.
	Hey, I know how you like freaks and all that.
	Have you heard of the Bogdanoff twins at all?
	Can I get like a reaction to those guys from you?
	What are these now?
	Fans of Judas Priest?
	We're talking about Judas Priest?
	I don't know.
	I guess they have powers beyond human powers.
	I don't know, but like, I don't know.
	I just look it up.
	I don't know.
	Oh, those guys are awesome.
	Yeah, I love looking at those guys.
	What the hell's up with that?
	Isn't it weird how two brothers have the same terrible idea to massacre themselves?
	Like, you'd think if your brother goes, hey, I'm going to start to fuck my face up and make myself into a freak and have a big chin implant and look like a weird lion model.
	You go, well, I don't know why you're doing that, Kyle.
	But his brother goes, yes, let's do it.
	Let's get started.
	Yeah, let's check those guys out.
	You got any video footage of them?
	I do.
	Guys, we're going to meet y'all for a second.
	Sorry, we got to dump you to watch the twins.
	But what did he say at the beginning?
	I know you like priest?
	Freaks.
	Oh, freaks.
	From Evu?
	Bye.
	French, right?
	Is he funny?
	Wouldn't that be weird if he was hilarious, like an awesome dude?
	And you'd want to have him over at the house for dinner, but he made the kids cry.
	He made sound.
	Psychic powers evidence.
	Just a monte's been laughing weird.
	The host puked, then ran off stage.
	I guess what he said, something that was so funny.
	Maybe they were supposed to have done that or something?
	Like, that was the test?
	I think it's a joke.
	All right, let's take.
	We got 10 more minutes, or 6, 7, 8 minutes.
	By the way, speaking of destroying footage, Lou Reed has a really queer album called New Sensations that's unbelievably corny.
	It's a cringe record.
	I took my GPZ out for a ride.
	That's a gay little scooter.
	The engine felt good between my thighs.
	I love that GPZ so much, you know, that I could kiss it.
	And I think he was on heroin when he made it.
	It's unbelievably bad.
	I can't find it anywhere.
	It's not on Spotify.
	I think he was so embarrassed of it.
	He had it just deleted from the world.
	I helped him.
	Who's next on the Q?
	Who's next?
	We got up user Vincent.
	Hey there, Gab.
	Hey, Ryan.
	How y'all doing?
	Pritz good.
	Pritz good.
	First and foremost, Illmatic is the greatest hip-hop album of all time.
	And I know you...
	What's that, Nas?
	No, thank you.
	Yeah, so I've never heard you talking about hanging about in like Queensbridge or hanging out in like the hood of New York or nothing like that.
	So how does Gavin end up with Nas making a phone app?
	Yeah, how did we end up with Nas?
	I wrote about him a bunch and I interviewed him for NME, but I think it was through a record label, the hip-hop record label.
	One of the marketing guys from there knew him and brought us together to work on that.
	And it really had nothing to do with Nas and I knowing each other.
	It had to do with this in-between guy knowing that we were the only people he knew that had some money to invest.
	And it wasn't really a phone app.
	It was an app where when people come into your store, they have to use your Wi-Fi.
	But as soon as you sign up to it, we now know everything you do in the store.
	So we would provide the retailer with these really in-depth graphs of like everyone was looking at hats the whole time they're in your store.
	No one ever even goes to the shoe section.
	So he could go, I should just drop the shoes and have more hats.
	That's the shit.
	And, you know, people consented to that when they signed up for the Wi-Fi.
	But no, I'm not very close with Nas.
	I've only met him a handful of times, but I like him.
	I think he's a smart guy.
	Although he did say one thing, retarded.
	We're saying retard way too much, by the way, this episode.
	We've got to cut that word out.
	He had some rant once in a song, and thanks for calling, by the way, about how we need to start working with black-owned businesses and we should drive on black-owned highways and use black trucking companies and black manufacturers and black restaurant suppliers.
	What?
	You know that you're 14% of the population, right?
	You're really hindering yourself if you're only riding on a highway that was built by black highwaymen.
	It's not going to happen.
	Bar, make sure you're unmuted.
	Go on now.
	What's up?
	Shortly.
	Good evening.
	Good evening, Gavin and Ryan.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	I'm the guy with the small nose, by the way.
	I'm back.
	Okay.
	I'm the guy with the small care.
	Oh my gosh.
	Anyways, mostly for Gavin, maybe for Ryan, do you guys have to squeeze the base of your penis to achieve initial penetration?
	Or has the lack of porn kind of fixed that for you?
	Oh, yeah.
	No, I haven't had to do that in forever.
	I still have trouble if I'm blackout drunk, but not as much.
	No, not really, actually.
	It sort of figures itself out.
	And one thing I did learn very recently, though, was I used to have my foreskin back because your foreskin naturally recedes when you get an erection.
	So then I would have to get lube or something if she wasn't wet enough to get in there, right?
	And then I was like, wait a minute, push the foreskin forward, get it to the door, and then you just push and the foreskin goes back and the penis is in.
	I didn't know, I didn't think of that till like two years ago.
	But yeah, quitting porn is the blue chew.
	It's a poor man's blue chew.
	Next.
	All right, next we got user Jenks.
	Hey, can you hear me?
	Mike!
	All right, good.
	I'm not muted.
	First off, the Budweiser gold that you drank in that first bunker episode, fucking amazing.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You got to put it, it has to be very cold, though.
	Yeah.
	And I usually don't like foam, but for some reason, I don't mind it on that.
	On a bud, nice.
	Well, what I noticed is that when it's very cold, because it says they have port hard, not a ton of head when it's cold.
	Ah, I see.
	And then the other thing I found out about the show, it's called Nirvana the Band, the Show.
	And the Vice TV network ran it, really.
	It's a little old now.
	I don't know if you've ever heard of it.
	No.
	So it's kind of your Steez a little bit.
	It's like a two-man band, and the concept is every episode they're trying to play at this bar called the Rively.
	And then something comes up and they have some wacky adventure.
	And apart from these two protagonists, there's some kind of improv there, and they kind of bring their own style.
	I felt it was kind of your style.
	I thought it might be a good recommendation.
	And I thought it was kind of ironic that it was on fucking Vice Land.
	So no question, but I was going to recommend quarantine recommendation.
	It's called Nirvana to Ban the Show.
	Nothing to do with Nirvana at all.
	It's like a weird comedy show.
	Yeah, I'll check it out.
	In like Toronto.
	I'll check it out.
	It was weird after I left the strange ways they would sort of, my spirit would haunt the brand, and they tried to do my humor, and they tried to do do's and don'ts.
	I'll never forget one.
	I think it was Andy Capper Who ran Vice UK at the time?
	He took over do's and don'ts.
	I don't know who told him he's funny, but he said, You're wearing combat trousers and a techno shirt, implying that combat trousers you should be hunting or something.
	And he goes, Those two things together make no sense.
	By the way, brevity is wit.
	This is very long.
	And then he said, the least funny line I've ever heard, he said, you might as well be wearing a sandwich ball that says, I am insane.
	All right.
	Next, we got up user Obamagon.
	Obamagon.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Next, we got up user Soshi.
	I don't care what their names are.
	All right.
	Well, then I'll just let them go.
	Black Jesus, go.
	Hey, I got a real problem.
	Have you heard of Amway?
	Amway, like the boring insurance company?
	No.
	No, like the pyramid scheme company.
	The pyramid scheme where you sell trinkets.
	Yes, yes.
	All right.
	So I got a buddy who's got involved with that about six months ago.
	Me and my friends have been trying to convince him to get out of it forever, but the more we bring him valid points and try and get him out of it, the more he doubles down on it.
	Basically, our point is he's wasting his time fucking probably 20, 30 hours a week making $50 a month.
	We're just trying to get him out of it.
	His reasons to be in it are really genuine.
	He just wants to get his wife home to take care of his kid.
	That's what he tells everyone.
	How would that get his wife home?
	Why didn't he just work at McDonald's?
	That pays a lot better than $50 a month.
	Well, see, he's a technician for a cat.
	He works like 80 hours a week between farming and that he makes like $100,000 a year.
	So he's got a really good job, but he's trying to do this to get his wife home to take care of his kid.
	But really, we're just trying to convince him to go home and be like a, you know, be a mechanic, like pay him to do oil changes and shit, make actual money for his time.
	So, well, my question is, how do we convince him to get out of this?
	I'm out of ideas.
	Relentless mockery.
	You have to make up cruel nicknames for him.
	You have to call him Amway Pants.
	You have to relentlessly ridicule this guy until he is embarrassed that he's wasting all this fucking time with a scam that goes.
	What does pyramid schemes go back to?
	Probably to the pyramids.
	It's probably a 5,000-year-old scam.
	And the fact that people are still falling for it, like with Bernie Sanders, is downright embarrassing.
	You have to do what you would do to obese people, which is constantly ridicule them.
	Okay, folks, that's the show.
	Thanks for calling in.
	We'll see you on Monday.
	We've got a great revenge prank planned for Milo tomorrow night.
	That's going to be very enjoyable.
	We have a new show on censored.tv.
	Jacob Wall will be debuting his new show, Man Up, it's called.
	I'm still trying to get Jim Goad.
	And Loomer should have a new episode up probably on Saturday or something like that.
	I don't want to bombard you on Friday, but.
	Copper Cab also.
	When's Copper Cab going up?
	Tomorrow.
	Tomorrow.
	Oh, so we have two Friday shows.
	All right.
	I like you more than a friend.
	And I'll see you on Monday.
	And get fired, get in trouble.
	Oh, yeah.

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