Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E148 - CELEBRITIES SUCK [2020-04-08 - S02E148 - CELEBRITIES SUCK]

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April 8, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:30:22

S02E148 - CELEBRITIES SUCK [2020-04-08 - S02E148 - CELEBRITIES SUCK]

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	Okay, let's start the show.
	Fuck.
	Do it.
	It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog.
	Let surprise take a slog.
	And if you get a knife from behind, I know you're nice and impressed.
	Get off my lawn.
	Do it.
	Do it.
	I won't say a word'til I've walked a mile in your shoes.
	But once a mile from you, sign up to what the fuck I choose.
	Wearing nice new shoes.
	Do it.
	Do it.
	If you're going through hell.
	If you're going through hell.
	You going through hell?
	If you're going through hell.
	If you're going through hell.
	Keep going.
	Hold it.
	Now, five times rise up six.
	That's the streets, Mike Skinner, a guy I signed with Vice Records.
	Very skeptical was Skinner about an American audience getting him.
	But they did, especially the Canadian audience, really loved him because Canada gets along with Britain, gets Britain more than America does.
	Remember when we signed Mike?
	We took him to a Chinese restaurant, and he'd never been before.
	And he thought it was too weird.
	And it wasn't, this is in New York City, so it's not like it's fucking turtle soup or anything.
	It's all Americanized Chinese food.
	And he was like, oh, Mike, this is fucking no thanks.
	You got anything normal?
	You got burger chips.
	Anything else the shrapnel my pocket can afford?
	Yesterday was an exceptionally good show.
	So this show is going to suck because we have to even it out.
	It's sort of like the way the union works where you don't want to work too hard or the boss will expect that of you.
	So I got wasted last night with my wife and I'm hungover and don't get your hopes up for this show.
	In fact, if you're going to not watch a show ever this week, I would choose this one.
	I would piece up.
	You know how wasted I got?
	My wife said, we were talking about murder and I was, I can't remember how it came up, but we were talking about kill your, we were talking about Lacey Peterson and Scott Peterson and how he put her, his wife in a Tupperware thing.
	And if I was ever to kill you, I would lie you down then with chicken wire, I put big cinder blocks on you, then wrap you and the cinder blocks in chicken wire and then throw that overboard.
	So as you decomposed, your head wouldn't float up because it would still be wrapped in the chicken wire and the rocks would weigh you down.
	And she goes, yeah, that's a good idea.
	But you couldn't kill me.
	I go, I could just strangle you to death right now.
	She goes, no, you could, and I'd overpower you.
	How many times, like women think, I think they watch too much TV, too many action movies.
	I can beat up basically everyone but Ronda Rousey.
	Run through a motherfucker face.
	So I go, how about this?
	I'll strangle you, right?
	You can do whatever you want.
	And then just when it's very clear that I could continue, I won't, obviously.
	I won't kill you.
	So she goes, go ahead, try.
	Now I have little nicks on me, little cuts from her fingernails, but I just overpowered her, held her down, and she's like, oh my God.
	And I'm just like, and so you get the idea.
	I'm just like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
	Oh, oh, oh, oh.
	And she was totally stunned.
	What are you going to do?
	Like, what the fuck did you think?
	Imagine that just improves the overall just marriage altogether.
	Well, I think it made her a little hony.
	So some stuff may or may not have happened immediately following that.
	Just too much of indecence.
	I'm actually getting a boner just talking about it.
	What else?
	We saw God Bless Ozzy Osborne, a 2011 documentary last night.
	Fucking rules.
	They did kick Ozzie out of Black Sabbath.
	I didn't know any of this.
	He was fired.
	But it was the same reason they kicked Vince Neal out of Motley Crew.
	He was so wasted that they couldn't get any work done.
	So in both cases, they essentially quit.
	But he really reminds me of my dad.
	Birmingham is very much like Glasgow.
	It's a working town, poor town, an industrial town.
	In an industrial town in Glasgow.
	But it's got tons of Black Sabbath footage.
	What a fucking band.
	That was all 1970.
	Their first song was 1970, in 71, 72.
	And then all the Aussie shit was like the early 80s.
	But, you know, people should talk more about the entrepreneurial ship and bravery it takes.
	That song that we just heard from the streets, Fall Down Five Times, Get Up Six.
	Entrepreneurs have this ability to take it on the chin.
	They're like boxers.
	They get knocked out.
	I've always said for every successful business endeavor I have, 12 have failed.
	And you just have to keep getting up.
	And it must be even harder with music, where not only do you have to take it on the chin, not only do you have to play a bunch of shitty gigs that no one goes to, but it's this intense marriage where it's not just you and your spouse that have to get along.
	It's you and five other people or four other people.
	And you have to have this magical chemistry.
	You have to get along great.
	You have to work together creating these songs.
	And on top of all of that, just like a business, it has to be a new concept, a cool idea.
	And Black Sabbath just said, hey, you know how the movie theater downstairs, that was their practice base, was movie theater?
	They play these horror movies, right?
	What if we were to make music that's like spooky?
	It's horror music.
	Exactly the same as a horror movie, but it's just scary.
	And then he's like, fucking dragons that dying.
	Down.
	New, new, new.
	I forget.
	Finally, see, I forget the words.
	Oh, no, no, no, please, God help them.
	Fucking went straight to number one.
	And then he goes so low and fucking does it again.
	Like, I want to hear more about the economics.
	Same with the economics of KISS.
	They were stun, fucked, broke.
	And then they said, well, how are we broke?
	We're the number one rock band in the country.
	Yeah, you have shitty managers.
	Oh, I don't know why I said that with a European accent.
	And then they said, let's just market our fucking name and have Kiss dolls and KISS beer and KISS.
	We'll have a KISS comic book that's made with KISS's blood, which they did.
	They just put some of their blood in the ink mix.
	Smashing success, totally fucking rich.
	Worked out great.
	Or Billy Idol.
	He's got Generation X. What's that music?
	Look it up by KISS.
	A successful punk band.
	Punk's kind of waning now.
	And in the early 80s.
	And everyone's into dance music, disco and shit.
	Fuck.
	I know.
	I'll invent a new kind of music, punk dance.
	And I'll fly to New York, even though I'm not that popular of a pop star.
	Like I'm very big in sort of the London punk scene, but I'm virtually unheard of in New York City.
	But I've got a little bit of clout and a little bit of money.
	I'm going to go to fucking New York City and start my new kind of music called Dance Punk.
	And in Ozzy's case, his endeavor was perpetuated by Randy Rhodes.
	That was the missing link.
	And in Billie Idol's case, it was that guy, Steve Stevens.
	So he's got an electro beat.
	He's using an 808, I guess.
	And then he still screams like he's punk.
	Fucking brilliant.
	That's why I always say venerate the entrepreneur, you know?
	Like Michelle Malkin.
	Oh, she's that Asian chick who's really angry.
	Yeah, she's also an incredible entrepreneur.
	Started hot air, sold it for a fortune.
	Like, she's, what else did she start?
	Oh, that Twitter thing, Twitchy?
	Not the thing that you watch people play video games on, but the thing that only does Twitter news about tweets.
	She created that and sold it.
	She's a fucking little go-getter.
	That's what we need more of.
	We need to venerate the entrepreneur.
	We need to inspire more entrepreneurs.
	And when we do documentaries and stuff, I want to hear the economics of it.
	I want to hear how much they made, how much was spent, how much was lost, how it could have been prevented.
	You know what we should do?
	We should do a whole economics of Larry Barnes.
	He's broke, and he was the welterweight champion of the world.
	I think his manager ripped him off for $800,000 fucking dollars.
	I'm going to drive to his house today and just give him some dough.
	I mean, he's essentially an employee of the show, right?
	You know what else I saw the other night?
	Did I tell you this?
	Training day?
	No.
	So fucking retarded.
	Did I tell you about the Vin Diesel one, too?
	No.
	Okay, there's two movies that I saw recently that I don't recommend.
	Bloodshot?
	Yeah, Bloodshot, the new one where they replaced his skin cells, his blood cells, with nanotechnology.
	So they say in the movie, like he's worth billions of dollars.
	And you know what they do with this billion-dollar hitman?
	They have him kill their enemies, like competitors in the same nanotech industry.
	Why don't you just hire MS-13 for like 500 bucks?
	Why'd you spend $5 billion on a super killer?
	People get whacked for like 500 to 10,000 bucks, depending on the quality of the whacking you want done.
	Or 3,000.
	Or you can kill Carol Baskins for $3,000.
	And they wipe his memory, right?
	Again, way too much technology.
	They can program his brain to think that whoever they want to die killed his wife.
	Meanwhile, she hasn't seen him in years and she's moved on and had a family.
	She's fine.
	Fucking terrible movie.
	But training day, I don't like looking at hunks.
	Maybe I'm jealous, but Ethan Hawk, hunks ruin shit for me.
	Especially when they're like you're a cop in Detroit or wherever the fuck they are, South Central or something in some shitty neighborhood, and you're a gorgeous babe.
	It's like that show, Prison Break.
	Remember that one with a bunch of smoldering hunks?
	The guy wants to break his brother out of prison.
	He gets a tattoo on his back of the prison.
	It looks like a castle, but it's actually a blueprint.
	And he gets, punches a cop or something, gets put in jail.
	And then he breaks him and his brother out.
	But he's like, melt in your mouth gorgeous.
	And you go, I've visited people in prison before.
	There's no hunks at all.
	There's not one hunk in prison.
	There's zero hunk rate.
	And remember those cops we showed, that montage of cops who committed suicide?
	You'll notice there was not a lot of hunks.
	Out of the one cop suicides a month, I can't believe I'm saying this, only about one was reasonable, as hot as me, say.
	Have you actually noticed that the victims that we've lost to COVID are very almost exclusively unhot?
	I have not.
	It's an ugly disease.
	Oh my God, I'm terrible.
	Get this guy off the stage.
	Yeah, it's not hurting actual people.
	It's hurting old people, fat people, and ugly people.
	Uglies.
	And the poor.
	So if China is doing this to start a war with us, all you're doing is polishing our populace.
	We're doing pretty good.
	The hunks are fine.
	They're going to continue to make shitty movies.
	This literally looks like the opposite of Pornhub.
	Well, they had the front page of the post yesterday, and it was who we've lost.
	And I'm looking at it going...
	Ha ha ha!
	Oh, them?
	I'm not going to miss them.
	I thought it was bad for a second.
	Well, call me back when things get really bad.
	Have you got it?
	I just did.
	Yeah, there it is.
	That is it.
	Oh, it's right there.
	Okay.
	Let's see this.
	Terrible.
	We're going to hell.
	Wait, my monitor's not on, dude.
	Say what?
	Oh.
	I can't really see.
	That whole time, I've been looking at your computer, actually.
	We're almost as shitty as Seth Meyer and Samantha B. We're almost touching twice as good as Conan levels.
	This guy's pretty handsome, but he has a do-rag on, so he's trash.
	This guy looks pretty cool.
	He looks like James Rowl Jones, but he's clearly old, so he can go.
	This guy's ugly.
	This is like a four.
	This guy, pretty ugly and old.
	This guy's young, but he seems like he could be a dick.
	She's an old lady.
	She's an old lady.
	She's ugly.
	He looks pretty important, like a doctor.
	So that's sad.
	That guy, he's old and ugly, boring.
	And he's a male nurse or something?
	Maybe he's a doctor.
	He's right on the edge.
	But definitely this is sad and that's sad.
	But otherwise, it's not so bad.
	It's not such a bad plague.
	Just kidding.
	So yeah, Training Day has Ethan Hawk come out.
	And at the beginning of the movie, Denzel wants to become a detective and Denzel Washington is there to help him.
	And Denzel Washington goes, you need to know what you're doing on the streets here.
	Smoke some crack.
	And he goes, do it now.
	And Ethan Hawk goes, okay.
	Smokes crack.
	What?
	I thought it was angel dust.
	Whatever the fuck.
	Yeah.
	And then he said, and the threat before that is, or get out of the car.
	In other words, lose your chance to become a detective.
	Okay.
	I guess I'm not a detective.
	Bye.
	Like, what'd you think was going to happen when you smoked fucking PCP, you boob?
	What?
	Go up to any cop.
	They test your piss all the time.
	And being a detective is definitely more profitable than being a street cop.
	It's not that much more.
	It's maybe like another 20 grand a year.
	I'm not going to smoke crack and now you can lord that over me.
	End of the movie.
	The movie could have ended like two minutes in.
	No thanks.
	But he, yeah, no, thank you.
	Go offer a cop PCP and tell me how that goes.
	And tell him, say to the cop, if you don't smoke this PCP, then you're fucking out of my car.
	Guess what's going to happen?
	You know what's fucking weird, Ryan?
	What?
	When you move around in that chair, your wheels sound like someone giggling and it makes me feel like I'm cracking you up.
	No, I giggle every time I move my chair.
	I'm giggling so hard.
	It's me.
	It tickles your buttocks.
	I don't know you like to get wet.
	I'm Denzel Washington.
	That wasn't too good.
	That was Denzel Washington?
	Show your face.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Oh, it crashed.
	Oh, great.
	It didn't crash, though.
	I'm Denzel Washington.
	Holy shit, that is terrible.
	Can I hear him first?
	I didn't know you can't do Denzel Washington.
	I have to hear him.
	I didn't know you were that untalented.
	Let me see.
	I'm Denzel Washington.
	Holy shit.
	Wait, let me hear him.
	It's like some guy hangs a rat and he has a micropenis.
	That's what that was just like.
	What's his voice sound like?
	Forget it.
	We're not working in your denzel today.
	Another important piece of news.
	You know that video we showed yesterday about the Nazi?
	Yeah.
	I was thinking about it all day.
	Pull it up.
	It actually makes being a Nazi look awesome.
	He accidentally made a propaganda ad that says being a Nazi is cool.
	Like at the very beginning, the Nazi family, clearly a very wealthy and loving family that have beautiful little birthday parties for their kid.
	Being an illegal alien looks pretty good too, by the way.
	But you're supposed to make being a Nazi look bad.
	And look at this.
	Beautiful, loving family.
	Southern California.
	Look at them.
	They're so sweet and clean.
	So that's them.
	And then we see a little bit later on, right?
	He meets his skinhead pals, who this skinhead we see that he meets when he's a teenager ends up being his best pal for like decades.
	He stands by him.
	So now what logic is saying is if you're a Nazi, you'll have a loving family and your friends will stick by you forever, right?
	And your brother will be there for you too, even though he hides his boots from.
	But go farther down.
	Yeah, these guys, it looks awesome.
	You talk around a campfire, you joke around, and this guy sticks around with this guy his entire life.
	And then go forward to the bar scene.
	In the bar scene, so this guy is, I guess, causing problems.
	And now look, so just hold on, stop, stop.
	So what this is saying is, if you're going up and harassing a mixed couple and anyone fucks with you, another Nazi from the bar will come over with a knife ready to kill anyone who hurts you.
	Sounds like gangs to me.
	You know, like the Bloods or the...
	It's like, you should join the Aryan Brotherhood.
	Yes, there will be freak accidents where you'll fall on your own knife.
	But I even have good news there.
	When you get to the hospital, right, with your Nazi tattoos all over you, no matter how ethnic the surgeons are, they're still going to treat you.
	You're still going to live.
	You'll be fine.
	Way to go, Logic.
	Logic is a...
	He has propaganda.
	He does Nazi propaganda.
	I love when you discover things like this.
	Like America First, Nick Fuentes, they're promoting a diversity agenda because they clearly don't want all blacks to go back to Africa.
	And they don't want every visible minority to suddenly have to get a mixed race couple.
	They obviously don't expect me and my wife to divorce and my wife to take the kids, I don't know, back to America where Indians come from, right?
	But they do want to close borders now and they want to stop this diversity agenda now.
	Okay.
	I get that argument, of course.
	But America is like 65, 60% white, depending on what you call non-white Hispanics, 14% black, as high as like 30% Hispanic.
	So that's a pretty diverse group.
	So, this America First they're talking about today is a diverse country.
	So, America First, those guys that keep getting called alt-right, are pushing a diverse agenda.
	Speaking of celebrities, speaking of celebrities, remember that, this is kind of old news now, but I got to get it out.
	This is one, two.
	Remember the guy who played the Flash?
	He's some hot, hunk, smoldering Jewish man.
	I think he's Jewish.
	Evan Williams or something?
	When I saw the poster, uh-oh.
	Well, just look up the flash that chokes a girl.
	When I saw the poster for the event, No, it was like the Justice League.
	Yeah.
	And it was at Davin Buster's.
	And I went, what the fuck are they doing now?
	Now they're making the Flash a chick.
	My sons are going to grow up seeing a Flash be a chick with her little boobs.
	But it's not a chick.
	It's just a very feminine looking star.
	Oh, ew, that guy?
	Yeah, that's not the picture I was talking about.
	But even then.
	I hate that.
	I hated that guy so bad.
	Look, look.
	It's a hot chick.
	What did they do to his uniform?
	And I know I said I don't care about comic books.
	I don't.
	This is my kids.
	I don't want propaganda going into my kids' eyes.
	Oh, he choked a fan?
	Did you want to fight?
	Is that the new?
	What the fuck is he wearing?
	Got a pink scarf, a woman's coat, and foot flats.
	But it's from you and your wife's hangout last night.
	It's me and my wife getting drunk watching Aussie docks.
	What the hell is the context?
	She's doing a weird dance up to him.
	What is the context?
	This is so weird.
	I don't know.
	But I kind of get his sentiment if she was fucking with him.
	Like, I remember at a free speech event in D.C., this reporter comes up to me and he goes, so as you know, Proud Boys were in Charlottesville.
	And I said, what are we doing here?
	Let's just fight.
	I mean, you're fucking with me.
	You are out to destroy me and hurt my family.
	So I see that as a violent act.
	I'm happy to fight you.
	I want to hurt you for wanting to hurt me.
	So rather than play games with these silly questions and this passive-aggressive bullshit with your little notepad, let's just cut to the quick.
	Cut out the middleman and let's just fucking fight right now.
	And it scared the shit of him and he walked away.
	Why is he grabbing her by the throat?
	This is awkward.
	He's grabbing her by the throat, taking her to the ground.
	Why is she playfully?
	Why are you pulling this up?
	I don't give a fuck what some teenager said on Reddit.
	He's wearing sandals in the snow.
	This is not news.
	He's wearing sandals.
	We're trying to do celebrity reporting on their new celebrity-based show.
	I thought this was funny.
	For all the people who sit there and they look at movie stars and they must just be thinking, God, I'm a piece of white trash.
	Don't pull it up yet.
	I'm a piece of white trash.
	My wife, she partied a little too much in her heyday, and now she's had some kids.
	She looks like a fucking meth addict.
	I look like a fucking racist loser piece of shit.
	I wish I could be a movie.
	I wish I was a rock star and my wife was a beautiful movie star and we weren't the white trash that we are.
	Guys, don't have such silly thoughts because rock stars look like you and celebrities look like your wife on a bad day.
	Okay?
	This is what they look like.
	Stars, they're just like us.
	Ugly.
	Look how bad she looks there.
	Time to get stuffed.
	Yeah, it's the stupid some dumb grocery stores motto.
	Why would you make that the takeaway?
	Look, that's the guy who I rent a wood chipper from when I'm taking down branches of my property.
	And that's the woman at AA who talks too much.
	So that was fun.
	Oh, speaking of disgusting celebrities and rock stars, Lizzo is under the impression that she's not disgusting.
	And my wife's a huge Lizzo fan.
	Sorry to keep mentioning my wife, but I'm not exactly socializing very much these days.
	And she has brainwashed herself into thinking she's not fucking disgusting.
	Has she seen her ass?
	Now, there's ways to not be disgusting if you're Lizzo with a photograph.
	Like look up and get some cleavage in.
	Maybe this area at the right angle we could work with.
	Maybe a thigh, maybe a foot in a high heel.
	If you could find a high heel that doesn't look like Pillsbury chocolate dough is oozing out of it because your fat foot has to stick in there.
	But this is one of the worst asses I've ever come across in all my days of assing.
	Look at that thing.
	It looks like a rotten chocolate bun, doesn't it?
	Look at that.
	It looks like a burnt hamburger bun that somehow was left in the cold rain overnight.
	And then she wedgies herself.
	And we got to look at this shit, too.
	I guess there's black guys out there that are horny enough for that.
	But God bless them, man.
	I wouldn't be that horny if I just got out of jail after five years of solitary confinement.
	I don't think I could get it up for that.
	Do you?
	Hell no.
	I'm not sure you can get a penis in.
	I don't know if I can get it.
	I don't think you can get a penis in the vagina there.
	Do the physics work out?
	I guess they do, right?
	Isn't that weird, by the way?
	On all these 600-pound life shows, they always have a girlfriend?
	Remember that burn victim I showed you the other day?
	Yeah.
	Where is that now?
	Did I not put...
	Maybe it's not in the notes.
	Every time I see Lizzo, I think of this, though.
	Yeah.
	That's one big pile of shit.
	Remember that someone put that up, like Steven Spielberg or something, and there was big game hunting, and some fucking idiots were mad that they killed that creature.
	Wow.
	Yeah, I saw this burn victim in Britain who was burnt as a toddler, 90% of her body.
	She has no hands, no hair.
	She looks like a duckling, an albino duckling on a bad day.
	And she just got married.
	And I'm thinking, why can't, like, what's the matter with the rest of us?
	Why can't we get laid?
	And the same with the 600-pound life.
	They'll have a guy, and he's sitting there, he can't get up, and he has three kids, and he's on his second marriage.
	Who the fuck?
	Have you got her there?
	It's not in the notes, right?
	No.
	No, this woman is like the least attractive woman imaginable.
	And I'm not shitting on her.
	She survived a horrible burn.
	My problem is, what's the matter with you?
	Why can't you get laid?
	It's way worse than this.
	Like, she has nothing.
	Oh, there she is.
	Yeah, that's when she was younger.
	That's obviously a wig.
	She just got married.
	This Tales from the Crypt just got married.
	What the fuck's the matter with you?
	Lizzo's out there getting laid.
	This chick's married, and you're sitting at home alone beating off to kink.com.
	She's married to zombie Al Bundy.
	That's her dad, by the way, not her husband.
	Oh, okay.
	What's one five?
	Oh, yeah.
	Remember Kumal Nanjiani, that fucking annoying Pakistani dude?
	And he said, yes, people are making fun of us.
	We're walking around and we are practicing safe distancing and we can hear people snickering.
	Guys, this isn't a joke.
	Look, people are snickering at us as we work super hard to keep six feet away, buddy.
	And then you're getting kind of dehydrated, buddy.
	Oh my god, do you dare me to call him?
	The guy?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	As him?
	No?
	Are you just going to call him?
	Yeah, why not?
	What the hell is his name?
	That could be a good idea.
	The number you are trying to call is not reachable.
	PPS 6.
	I haven't talked to him.
	Did somebody change their number, daddy?
	Somebody's changing their number, buddy.
	I'll ask Curtis.
	Mayfield?
	Yeah, he's dead, but retard.
	Oh.
	Why would you ask him?
	Curtis Brown.
	The black guy who was a Nazi skinhead in the 80s.
	So yeah.
	So people are snickering at Kumail because he's practicing six feet.
	And then this picture comes out and you go, maybe they're snickering because you're a fucking cuck joke who carries his wife's coffee.
	Why would you carry your wife's coffee?
	And by the way, you're not doing six feet.
	They're snickering at you because you're fucking hilarious with your stupid face and your cocked eyebrow.
	And now Marvel got you buff.
	That's why they're snickering.
	I just snickered.
	It's a natural reaction.
	All right.
	But there is a group of celebrities that are even below celebrities.
	Are we all on the same page now that celebrities are below us?
	I think that Twitter has shown a lot of this.
	Me too, Harvey Weinstein.
	We realize that they're just incredibly vain, low IQ losers, right?
	I mean, does anyone envy them?
	Do people wish they could be married to Cameron Diaz still?
	I guess with our subscription base, I'm guessing we're at like a 92% see celebrities as below us, right?
	But there's a group even lower than that, and that is YouTubers.
	This is like the low IQ of celebrities, but somehow even stupider and more annoying and shitty and inarticulate.
	This guy is one of the best.
	He has a new show where he goes to YouTubers' house and shows all their awesome stuff.
	Look at the way they dress.
	Look at his fanny pack and this guy's hair.
	I want to dedicate to you.
	Kate, turn it up.
	Second off, this year I became one of the most hated YouTubers on the platform.
	That's maybe because I let Risegum punch me in the face, or maybe because I came out and said 99% of the pranks on YouTube are fake.
	Just pause.
	Like, you thought celebrity politics were boring when they get up there and they talk about Trump and Meryl Streep says that Donald Trump was making fun of a disabled person, the most powerful voice in the land, was mocking someone less able, someone underprivileged.
	That was annoying.
	This is even more shitty.
	This is below tedious celebrity rants.
	That woman isn't even looking at him.
	He's doing his thing.
	I'm going to say this.
	For a long time, I looked at myself in the mirror and I based myself based on what I read on the comments.
	I felt worthless.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	I felt that no, like, that's based on what they told me.
	But I reminded myself the two most gaffe.
	Because a gaff like that, where you say, I felt ugly.
	We got to make that a video drop, by the way.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt worthless.
	I felt gay.
	You know all those shitty things to feel.
	But what did they do in the audience?
	I want to say this.
	For a long time, I looked at myself in the mirror and I based myself based on what I read on the comments.
	I felt worthless.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	I felt that note of like that just based on what they told me.
	What's her name?
	Yeah, yeah, Melissa or whatever the fuck.
	Lily Singh, the bisexual woman of color who doesn't want you to know that she's just a boring Canadian Indian and she's not actually a black woman.
	I know you guys are probably bothered that I'm brown and I'm on the stage, but you're not bisexual, okay?
	You're straight and you got drunk and made out with another pretty chick.
	Sorry, that's not a bisexual.
	There's no such thing as a fucking bisexual.
	You're either into dicks or you're into cunts.
	That's the end of the story.
	But I remind them.
	Talk to a gay about a pussy.
	I do this all the time.
	I'm like, you like boobs, right?
	And they go, yeah, I can get, I've made out with chicks, probably more than you.
	They always say that.
	I've made out with more chicks than you.
	And the number is always like 20.
	20?
	That was me just warming up when I was 16.
	I'm in the hundreds, my friend.
	I've had every STD except crabs and syphilis.
	It's easier to list the STDs I haven't had.
	I'm not bragging.
	I'm not bragging.
	But then you ask them about a pussy and without a, without, without exception, they always go, oh, and they go, don't you just want to get in there and just eat it?
	And then as it gets wet, you drink the juice and they're like, and then when you talk to lesbians about dicks, they're like, I think it would be cool to have one.
	They seem handy.
	It beats like having to wear a strap on.
	They go, but what about just like getting right in, just smoking a hog, licking a guy's big hairy balls.
	You can smell his ball sweat.
	And again, they're like, oh!
	But to go from eating this one to smoking another, maybe if you're drunk in college, but no, it's not a thing.
	Sorry, sing.
	Myself, the two most important words of my life that I had to use for myself whenever I was fighting my mental illness.
	Those two words are I am.
	Doesn't that mean like I am gay?
	I am.
	Yeah, that's shitty.
	Because every day when I looked at myself in the mirror, every day when I looked at myself in the mirror, listen to the crowd kind of just so dumb.
	Two most important words of my life that I had to use for myself.
	You never thought you could get lower than celebrities.
	Like if you read a celebrity magazine, you feel kind of dirty after.
	You have to wash your hands and like read Kierkegaard to sort of cleanse your brain.
	But watching YouTubers, like this, okay, we have to do this.
	What's that guy?
	Yousef?
	FouziTube.
	FouziTube?
	Yeah.
	Look up FouziTube's new show, and he goes to Logan Paul's house, and they see what a Mac he is.
	You know what's funny too about YouTubers?
	That fucking Bernie argument where 1% makes over 80% of the money and 90% of the top 2%.
	This is true of YouTubers.
	You can apply it to pretty much everything, Bernie.
	So why would you think YouTubers are anything different?
	The top 1% of YouTubers are making 80% of the cash and over 76 to 80% of YouTubers, people who put stuff on YouTube, don't monetize anything.
	We have this tiny group of YouTubers that are dominating all of the YouTube income.
	And YouTube is making over $2.7 billion a year and it's only going into the hands of maybe 15 different people.
	And then YouTube is taking the lion's share of the profits.
	1% of the people who play basketball are in the NBA.
	You have these millionaires making $30 million a year when 98% of people who play basketball don't make any money.
	Yeah, there's exceptional people.
	99% of the people who do mathematics are not very good at it and have trouble.
	And you have the only people who win the Fields Medal in mathematics are maybe one person a year.
	And those are the only people making money.
	1% of people who do math make money from mathematics.
	Yeah.
	There's exceptional basketball players.
	There's very lucky idiots.
	There's people who are really good at math.
	Like everything is 95.5, Bernie.
	Do you want to change that?
	YouTube, I actually love this analogy because say we did that and we spread all the money around.
	You'd have all these shitty videos on YouTube making money.
	And these guys at people, I guess young people like this shit, not making any money.
	What's up with his hand?
	Ew.
	I think it's a tattoo.
	So this is what you do with money.
	Do you really make?
	Well, today, we're going to find out.
	Here on my new show, YouTube Cribs, we're going to visit the homes of some of the top YouTube creators to see how they like to spend their money.
	Our first episode, Logan Paul.
	Logan has had a massively successful career, starting on vine and then taking ugly and gay.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	And even ugly form on November 9th in the 16th century.
	Jump ahead and see Logan Paul's stupid house.
	Yo, check it out.
	I spent five grand on a lamp.
	It's a giant plastic horse.
	So this was a store.
	It is.
	That it is.
	Check it out.
	Yo, check it out.
	This is like a room where I have a bunch of my merch.
	Oh, wow.
	And then there's a guy who takes orders through PayPal here, and then we ship them.
	This was the Kong den.
	Sometimes he sleeps there.
	Look at his Gucci purse.
	He has a Gucci handbag.
	This is, I put my dog in the fireplace.
	These are my fucking dogs.
	Like, what the fuck?
	You know who's got a great house, by the way?
	Speaking of blow Ike you, lots of money.
	Tracy Morgan.
	Look that up.
	She's a little bit more.
	Tracy Morgan house tour.
	This is what happened with Tracy Morgan.
	He was making good money.
	He was probably worth like a million bucks.
	And he got in that car accident where everyone died.
	And he's a kid from the streets.
	He's a Brooklyn kid.
	And he went, you know, let me just tell you how Brooklyn goes.
	One time my wife slipped at a CVS in Brooklyn.
	And this Puerto Rican woman says, stay down, stay down.
	I got you.
	I got you.
	Every time they get into an accident, they just think, how we're going to monetize it.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	You're going way too fast.
	Look, look, just go back.
	I love the games he chose.
	They're so shitty.
	It's like Gallagher and Donkey Kong.
	Sorry, just let it play.
	Here we go.
	So what he did after the car accident was he probably just went like, I'm retarded now.
	I can't do comedy no more.
	Maybe he whispers to his wife, like, I'm actually fine, but we got to play this out for a bit.
	And he doesn't talk.
	He doesn't appear anywhere.
	And he just sits in the hospital like, I don't know what that is.
	Is that a pen?
	And then he gets a settlement, which I'm, my gut says 280 million.
	Judging by the way he spends money.
	Or more.
	I mean, he has like a $2 million car.
	And he has a bowling lane in his house.
	And then the second he gets that check, what's up?
	I'm Tracy Morgan.
	Everyone's getting pregnant tonight.
	What the fuck?
	Boom, he's on.
	He's all better all of a sudden.
	You could just see that insurance company going, motherfucker.
	Son of a bitch.
	But if you are going to give someone $250 million, please make it Tracy Morgan.
	He has albino amphibian alligator fish in his pool table.
	Like they live in the base of his pool table.
	Check it out.
	The seats have bass drum.
	They have speakers in them.
	So when it's like shit.
	The seats were making it so awesome.
	The popground.
	So you just don't hear the sound.
	You can feel it.
	And you in the picture.
	You're in a picture.
	And you did it that way.
	I'm glad.
	And then I have an indoor basketball court.
	I got indoor basketball court with certain players of the Knicks.
	Pop wall.
	Oh, yeah.
	This part is wife because he's like the next Spike Lean.
	Actually, it's better, easier to say the first Tracy Morgan.
	And look at his cars.
	Go forward a bit.
	Well, that's the fish tank.
	No, they They think a foyer is pronounced foyer.
	Foyer.
	Wait, go to the pool table.
	Do you miss it?
	No, it's after this.
	There it is.
	Wow.
	What the fuck are those?
	Sturgeons?
	I don't know.
	No, he said they're alligators.
	It's like a type of alligator fish.
	Turn it up.
	Yeah, well, I'm the first Tracy Mog, and it's easier.
	Yeah.
	Well, that's true.
	We have a fish tech in our pool table with two platinum alligator garb.
	They have teeth.
	What the fuck is alligator garb?
	It's what you wear when you go to the fucking.
	It's never going to swear on their boots.
	All right, you get the idea.
	Look at this.
	Walmart wants the millions back from Tracy Mogan.
	Videos, pictures.
	Let's see.
	$13.9 million mansion.
	$90 million plus settlement from Walmart.
	$90 million plus settlement.
	Three of that on a car?
	That's not good spending, dude.
	Are we reading that?
	No, I can't read it.
	Can you read it?
	so it Well, just after receiving a settlement, pictures surface of him driving around a 400,000,000 444,000 Lamborghini he bought.
	Then came the news that he also purchased a five-bedroom, nine-bathroom, $13.9 million mansion.
	Sprawling $218.
	I don't understand why they want their money back.
	Tracy has a new Netflix staying alive carrying Walmart.
	Like what'd you think he was going to do when you gave a poor kid from the Bronx and Brooklyn $90 million?
	Tracy Morgan's been ordered to testify under oath by Walmart's insurance company about the multi-million dollar crash settlement that he from...
	And you read so badly.
	The store is insurer, Ohio Casualty, is demanding that the comic be deposed over the estimated blah, blah, blah.
	They're asking that he turn over his medical records, income statements, information related to his future earning potential, and even documents pertaining to appearances he made on SNL.
	Sometimes no matter how much you bone, you have to fly low-key.
	Court documents.
	Yeah, I figured as much.
	It's really about the medical record.
	By the way, find him on, I don't think I put this in the notes, but he was just on, you know that woman with the fucked up, he's on the Today Show.
	Ota?
	Yeah.
	I hate her name.
	Why do we cripple kids with names that no one can pronounce?
	If you're born in America, call your kid John.
	My kids have weird Indian middle names, but they don't have to use them if they don't want to.
	Tracy Morgan's with us.
	His show, The Last OG, it returns to TBS tonight with his character Trey continuing the fight of reminding people of what his Brooklyn used to be like.
	Take a look.
	Looks like Louis Armstrong.
	That's over funny.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Pardon me, sir.
	These people paid good money for an authentic tour of Brooklyn.
	So if you'll excuse us, we'll be on our way.
	Authentic.
	Y'all want authentic?
	Y'all call us Brooklyn?
	We call Crooklyn.
	Crooklyn.
	Sorry, Tracy.
	How do you mean?
	Good morning.
	I'm good.
	Good morning to you.
	Hey, baby.
	Good morning to you.
	My mother-in-law, Chrissy, says good morning.
	She loves you.
	Well, I'll tell her I love her back.
	Tell me about what life is like being at home for Tracy and his family.
	Oh, well, me and my wife have been quarantining here for like three weeks, so she's pregnant three times.
	Every week she got pregnant.
	Okay.
	So, you know.
	So, and we also, we're role-playing a lot now.
	We're role-playing.
	She's playing a young maiden whose grandfather was infected with coronavirus.
	And I'm the scientist who discovered the cure.
	And she'll do anything to save her grandfather's life.
	Not me, anything.
	He's the best.
	By the way, I'm not shitting on him for ripping off that insurance company.
	Whatever.
	That's none of my business.
	I love Tracy Morgan.
	You know those Gary Goldman?
	Oh, no, it gets better.
	That was Gary Goldman's joke in Joker?
	What was?
	He's like, me and my wife like to role play.
	She's the student, blah, blah, and I'm the teacher, and she'll do anything to pass.
	Oh, yeah.
	He says, pass all weird.
	You are a creative one.
	All right.
	So tell me.
	Now, we know what your house looks like because you know what, Tracy Willie took us on a tour.
	We know what's going on in that home of yours.
	There's a bowling.
	That's not important.
	I mean, even like I was just watching the show, this tiger and the bronze oak got me scared.
	So I'm going to get all my pets tested.
	I'm getting my sharps tested.
	I'm getting my more eel tested.
	I just bought a 600-pound silverback gorilla.
	I'm going to take him down to New York Presbyterian And get him tested.
	Gorillas only get around 400 pounds, by the way.
	Yeah, it's a comedian doing a comedy bit, Ryan.
	But thank you for that update.
	You know, Hoda is one of Bill Schultz's crushes.
	He loves Hoda.
	Oh, my God.
	She's a thousand years old.
	Gross.
	He's got a mummy fetish.
	What a fucking weirdo.
	Every time I hang out with Bill, I go, can you just stop this and just become a fag?
	Like, all your friends are girls.
	You've got your flip-flops on.
	You're just, you're wasting time and occupying a lot of the straight male world.
	Get out of here.
	I have no interest in big gay.
	Chelsea, just be a fag.
	Stop wasting everyone's time.
	Okay.
	So we're done, the celebrity mix.
	I wanted to talk about God Emperor Trump for a second.
	Someone put up on the Gavin Reddit this softball question that Obama got.
	When you juxtapose Obama's treatment with Trump's treatment, it is stunning.
	It's two totally different universes.
	Like, this is basically pornography.
	This is mixed-race porn where a white woman blows a black guy with all the fervor of someone whose grandfather has COVID and he's a scientist who has the cure.
	And Christy, you are going to get the last question.
	Christy is I've been knowing her since Springfield, Illinois.
	When I was a state senator, she listened to what I had to say.
	So the least I can do is get rid of the last question.
	There you go.
	Go ahead.
	Mr. President.
	It has been a long time.
	Turn up.
	Thank you.
	And I have a personal question for you.
	It's going to be tough.
	Got the president's ear.
	The First Lady put the stakes of the 2015 election in very personal terms in a speech that resonated across the country.
	And she really spoke the concerns of a lot of women, LGBT folks, sip the coffee.
	Do you know what she's saying?
	She's saying that when Trump, the threat of Trump, scared Michelle, because now that Trump's elected, he's going to be really hard on gays and women.
	It's me, grabbing women's pussies and just electrocuting gays.
	Because a fucking Pepe meme is where she gets her facts.
	She really spoke the concerns of a lot of women, LGBT folks, people of color, many others.
	And so I wonder now how you and the First Lady are talking to your daughters about the meaning of this election and how you interpret it for yourself and for them.
	Mr. Paz.
	So this is the answer you're supposed to say.
	Thank you very much, Catherine Perkins, whatever the fuck your name is.
	We live in a very troubled society with systemic racism and sexism, and Trump helps those people get out of the closet.
	But what I can tell my two young black girls is that I'm a black president, and I am living proof that America's sometimes not racist.
	So yes, they're going to see Klan rallies and stuff in Trump's America.
	But sweeties know that for eight years, America was not racist, and it can be un-racist again if you just have faith.
	That's basically what she's saying.
	I mean, it's a rhetorical question that has an answer built into it and getting good at it, if you will.
	I can't even say the fucking word it ever again.
	It's ruined.
	Or even if anything said with the cadence.
	And that's because of have my arm chopped off, bring it to the hospital, and as they're trying to figure out if they can put it back on, they can say, well, how long did you have it?
	Well, I had it, and I started getting good at it, if you will.
	So being good at it, if you will.
	It's ruined the word it for me.
	I can't even watch the movie it.
	Did Shane get back to me?
	Oh, good.
	He got back to me.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	That's my favorite drop.
	That's just the short version.
	Wait, you got to have the worthless, too.
	I felt worthless.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	Yeah, that's the only one.
	Comedy comes in threes.
	Okay, so don't.
	Okay, I'm calling him.
	You know who I'm calling?
	No?
	The buddy guy.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	and being good at it, if you will.
	Thank you.
	My phone battery has learned to die right before I start texting out things that I'm gonna regret.
	Nice.
	I'm really happy about it.
	Because I used to back when I was on social media, I would wake up and read my tweets.
	Oh no.
	I'll text him.
	I feel like I'm a doad.
	Okay, I need the dehydrated daddy story.
	All right, so should we even bother watching his response?
	I mean, it's going to be so derivative.
	Go ahead, Obama.
	You know, Hussain.
	Iraq Hussein.
	Basil Belt.
	Every parent brags on their daughters or their sons.
	I'm not that special.
	You have daughters too.
	I'm just a dad.
	Yes, I'm the president.
	Yes, I'm magic.
	Well, I'm also a human being.
	Man, my bad.
	Spot on Pete Buttigig impression.
	And they just surprise and enchant.
	Listen to him.
	He's so boring.
	He's just dancing around.
	He's the most boring president we've ever had.
	You know, sometimes I learn more from them than they learn from me.
	In many ways, they're my dad.
	And they're the president of Barack Obama.
	As parent to child, but also we learn from them.
	Yes.
	We learned from them.
	And I think it was really interesting.
	Shaman Obama.
	I hate this piece of shit.
	They were disappointed.
	He's like a noble sage.
	Okay, so that's an Obama press conference, right?
	We had To put up with that for eight years, and by the way, we didn't have ODS, we didn't have Obama derangement syndrome when he won.
	I remember the night he won.
	The fucking streets in Williamsburg, Brooklyn were mental.
	People were cheering, they were climbing up telephone poles.
	The street Bedford Avenue, which you saw on the NYC tour the other day where they were lining up for Whole Foods or whatever.
	Bedford Avenue was packed with people dancing and cheering that the racists got kicked in the ass.
	And I felt like just going out there and going, but America's not racist, you fucking dumbasses.
	They voted for him.
	No one lost.
	The Klan is not going, oh, god darn it.
	The Klan is fucking 16 guys that could fit in one living room.
	This isn't a victory against racism.
	And one more thing, he's not the fucking Messiah.
	Okay, stop talking like Jesus has come back.
	Oh, he said LOL.
	Who is this?
	Gavin.
	I'm doing...
	That's easier for people to understand.
	My internet television show.
	Mikey!
	Mikey!
	Okay, I'm calling him back because he texted me back.
	You can text, you can talk.
	What's up, dog?
	You're live on Get Off My Lawn.
	Believe it or not, I got another fucking baby here with me now.
	A grandbaby.
	Holy.
	Unbelievable.
	Shit never stops.
	What?
	A grandbaby?
	What a surprise.
	Fuck, I haven't seen you in so long you became a grandfather.
	Yeah, I mean, you know, probably had a few more kids.
	A lot of stuff's happened.
	How are you doing?
	I'm feeling good, man.
	What is going on here?
	You're talking about that doctor with the Lyme's disease?
	Is that what I'm talking about?
	Yes, it was about Lyme.
	It was five years ago.
	I've told this story about 10 times.
	People made a t-shirt of it, and people keep getting me to repeat it, but it's been so long, it's getting a little threadbare, and I'm forgetting details.
	Can you just glide through it quickly?
	Yeah, the long and the short.
	It was after Aiden had been diagnosed with Lyme's disease.
	He was like two years old.
	And that was my fourth kid.
	So I was an expert at that point.
	Yeah, living upstate, everyone gets it with kids.
	But yeah, he all of a sudden, after three, four days of treatment, he got paralyzed.
	And then, you know, he couldn't walk.
	He was just basically paraplegic, whatever.
	What was the thing he would say?
	Like, I'm the speedy guy or something?
	Yeah, he was like, I got this fast button.
	He's like, he's like, my fast button's not working.
	He's like, I got to use my slow speed strength or whatever.
	It was just like watching a fucking, your kid go from like, you know, like this maniac, you know, daredevil two and a half year old to like, you know, just fucking, you know, like a, I don't know what, whatever, some horrible cerebral palsy style situation or something.
	Yeah, anyway, I don't know.
	So we, you know, in the morning brought him, they, and I went to a few doctors, but the first initial doctor, you know, is this Indian dude, and he's like just a condescending freak show.
	And yeah, like one of the many questions was, did you have playtime today, Daddy?
	Yeah, bitch, I did have fucking playtime.
	What is that?
	I was like, what does that even got to do with what's going on with this paralyzed kid?
	So he's like, he's like, maybe the park, you went and play a little too much, dehydration, think of daddy.
	And I'm like, dude, I'm like, this is not a dehydration.
	And at the time, you remember Mel, you know, she was younger.
	So she probably, I don't know if this guy thought it was like I said, our first kid, but I was like, either way, I was like, you don't go from your kid backflipping off of his fucking dresser to paralyzed.
	That ain't like from, you know, being on the slide too.
	Yeah, that's not from being fucking thirsty.
	Yeah, I was like, you know, I know when they need Pedialite or whatever, it's like, yeah, with a fever and shit, not from like just an extra, like, double-dutch session or something.
	Yeah, the dude was a, yeah, but that was it, man.
	That was a little maybe dehydrated, Daddy.
	Do you think play too much?
	Did we have playtime today?
	Do you still have that shirt?
	Yeah.
	Well, I have a picture.
	I'm going to find it in my shirt.
	I'll send it to you.
	But that shirt is, I've moved around a lot.
	It's somewhere in a storage ben or something.
	Okay, well, thanks for updating us.
	I got to get back to the show.
	Yeah, dude, later.
	Hope that was helpful.
	Later.
	Have a good one.
	That was the phrase I forgot.
	Did we have playtime today, Daddy?
	Meanwhile, Lymes, as you help stators put it, has very specific symptoms.
	And it's very weird symptoms.
	It's like you start to seize.
	It's almost like your joints don't have oil.
	Yeah, there's tons of different ones.
	Sometimes it mimics MS. Yeah.
	13.
	And you behead people for drugs.
	Okay, so sorry, that was a little side bit.
	But I've been looking at questions for Trump.
	One of the questions he got the other day was, so I understand that you encourage people to go vote in Wisconsin and a large number of them got sick.
	Do you feel any culpability for their illness?
	Do you think that you jeopardize their safety in any way?
	And he goes, all I did was endorse a candidate.
	I don't know how their voting booths work.
	And that's my job, to endorse candidates.
	Like, what a fucked up question.
	And the other one I saw the other day was they said, so you said that a lot of the times we're conveying this disease to each other in crowded places.
	And it happens in businesses that are open still.
	Wouldn't it make sense just to shut down every single store, all business, and enforce like a curfew?
	What?
	Like gas stations, grocery stores, pharmacies?
	You want me to completely shut down this entire fucking country?
	What a dare to ask.
	But I think I have a couple of them here.
	What's 178?
	Did serve in the previous administration?
	Oh, you didn't tell me that.
	Oh, I see.
	You didn't tell me that, John.
	You didn't tell me that.
	Did serve in the previous administration?
	You mean the Obama administration?
	So he's saying he's talking about incompetence in the Trump administration, but he's talking about someone who was appointed by Obama.
	Thank you for telling me that.
	See, there's a typical fake news deal.
	I told you she was appointed a third.
	Keep going.
	She was appointed by your race reporter.
	And what you just said is a disgrace, okay?
	You asked me, you said, sir, just got appointed.
	Take a look at what you said now.
	I said, when did they, when did this person, how long in government?
	Well, it was appointed in the Obama administration.
	Thank you very much, John.
	Thank you very much.
	You will never make it.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	You know what?
	Oh, back to the fellow this.
	He would just march off in a huff.
	He would not have the balls.
	He's way too much of a prima donna to handle any kind of aggression.
	In fact, I know that for a fact because when he met John Lott, he said, oh, you're the gun guy.
	And John Lott goes, well, I think that the data on guns and crime is often misdiagnosed, but I'd love to sit with you and discuss it.
	And Obama just went, hmm, and stormed off.
	This is back when they were both professors at Chicago College.
	All right.
	Check out 17B.
	Doesn't know the price of oil.
	Oh, this was good too.
	I checked oil today.
	So this guy's pretending that he's really into the stock market when he's just trying to have a gotcha moment.
	And Trump smells the bullshit and catches him.
	This is why it's great to have a New Yorker as a president.
	They're going to vote for the right candidate.
	Yeah, please.
	Just checking on oil again today.
	Yeah.
	visit today?
	Well, I was Give me the price.
	I'm not sure, to be honest.
	How can you ask a question when you don't know the price?
	I'll look it up for you.
	Let me do something else.
	Go ahead.
	You've done it.
	You'll never make it.
	You're fucking lying.
	Wow, look at his smile.
	Like, talk about a great bullshit detector.
	He just sees this hair and he sees he's a fat piece of shit and he goes, you don't really follow the stock market.
	Someone told you that oil is down and it's in a dangerous low or something.
	You thought, oh, good, I'll use that to fuck with the president at this press conference.
	Look at this smile develop.
	I'll look it up for you.
	Let me do somebody else's question when you're on the press.
	Now, then there's Biden, the DNC candidate.
	Now I'm fascinated.
	I've noticed liberals back when Trump was winning, I'd still, before Trump derangement syndrome really kicked off, like the first week of his presidency, liberals would come to me just perplexed, like, so you're happy about all this?
	Like, you didn't mind the pussy joke?
	And I would have to explain to them that they thought I was like a weird specimen.
	But I feel that way now about people who support Biden.
	Like, it doesn't even feel victorious.
	I'm not like, like with AOC and the goon squad, I'm like, this woman is a fucking terror.
	She's really bad news, you fucking dummies.
	But with Biden, I'm just sort of like, uh, so how you feeling?
	I mean, you really are stuck with a piece of shit, huh?
	Like, they can't possibly be for it.
	By the way, Ryan, I'm looking at your bike.
	The bike shop is open.
	You can just walk it over there and get the tower.
	The tower is fixed.
	But yeah, you've seen this gaff a million times, but we got to put it up.
	This is 1-8.
	Mr. Vice President, experts are saying things are going to get a lot worse in the coming weeks, possibly the next three weeks or so, especially in this state of New York.
	They say a best case scenario is one where 100 or 200,000 people die in this country.
	That is astounding to me.
	In this country?
	Even say those words.
	Americans are terrified.
	What is your message to them?
	My message is that the president has to move more rapidly.
	You know, we've known from experience that speed matters.
	Just pause.
	You know that you can't go...
	You hear they said, we've know from experience.
	Really?
	You know, we've known from experience that speed matters.
	We know that you can't go too fast.
	It's about going too slow.
	What?
	Whoa.
	We know you can't go too fast.
	It's about going too slow.
	So you just said we should go faster, but not too fast?
	Experience that speed matters.
	We know that you can't go too fast.
	It's about going too slow.
	And in order to avoid those very high numbers, we have to do at least several things.
	One.
	At least several things.
	Wait, does that make sense?
	No.
	Several.
	We can't go too fast.
	Like, it's not possible to go too fast.
	It's about being too slow.
	Yeah, that does not make sense.
	Okay.
	Oh.
	And in order to avoid that, those very high numbers, we have to do at least several things.
	One, we have to depend on what the president's going to do right now.
	And first of all, he has to tell, wait till the cases before anything happens.
	Look, the whole idea is Like, I'm not even enjoying this anymore.
	This isn't fair.
	This is like playing tennis with a toddler.
	I don't, am I supposed to, like, I'm not finding this so funny.
	This sounds like something you would say when you're holding in diarrhea.
	They're not sending their best.
	This is not a worthy.
	This is me being pulled over by a cop when I'm shit-faced.
	It's not about going.
	I was driving.
	I was not trying.
	Well, it's not about going too slow.
	I was trying to get home.
	I turned right on a red and I know you can't do that here.
	And now I know, and you're great.
	You have to wait for the cases.
	Actually, that was much more articulate than MPS.
	He's got to get in place things that we're shortages of.
	We're not testing enough people.
	Our first responders, docs and nurses don't have the gloves, the masks.
	They don't have the equipment they need.
	We're short on ventilators.
	And as this spreads to other areas, which is likely to do, we don't have the capacity to surge the equipment that they need.
	We have to surge the Defense Production Act much more aggressively, including not just ventilators, but getting gloves, masks, getting mashed gowns, et cetera.
	So you're saying move more rapidly.
	What exactly, what are the steps that that takes to happen?
	What does that look like for you at this very moment?
	At this very moment, it means the president has to surge more equipment to New York and other places that are clearly in distress.
	And that means he has to be able to provide for, providing significantly more masks to protect these First Nations.
	Significantly no more masks and nurses.
	He has to provide the gowns so they're not wearing garbage bags to protect themselves.
	The shields around their faces when they're taking the blood and moving people.
	The testing, just the mere testing, significantly increased the number of tests available.
	The president said that a couple weeks ago that every CVC and other, he named four outlets, were going to have testing sites outside of their stores and the various places that they exist, when in fact there's only been four, F-O-U-R, that have been put in place so far.
	It requires much more rapid response to the needs of the first responders to detect where the people are.
	We get it.
	We get it.
	I don't know.
	Yeah, that's terrible.
	Go to unfilteredpolitics on Instagram, because that's not the clip I thought.
	Do you feel kind of...
	Like we have adversaries, but one thing that pisses me off is that they're not sending their best.
	Here, let me see all of them.
	Part of the top 1%.
	Keep going down.
	That's it right there, right?
	Yeah, that might be it.
	Yeah, I mean, we gotta transcribe.
	We've never allowed any crisis from the Civil War straight through to the pandemic of 17, all the way around 16.
	We have never, never let our democracy second fiddle ways that we can both have a democracy and elections and at the same time correct the public health.
	The case where we cannot.
	That's bad.
	When you write it out like that, that's bad.
	Yeah.
	And go back.
	This is like a top DNC advisor on the pandemic doesn't know how to wear a fucking surgical mask.
	She's got her nostrils sticking out.
	You're getting corona air into those nostrils, you fucking buffoon.
	Yeah, they're not sending their best.
	And I don't know, it kind of pisses me off how easily we succumb to these fucking losers.
	For example, that guy I was talking about the other day.
	Well, De Blasio is a good example of it, but the guy I was talking about the other day, this Ethiopian communist terrorist, this is 2-0.
	I skipped over the de Blasio one.
	Really good video on Rebel.
	Make sure you show the title.
	Make sure you show the title.
	Yeah, five awful facts about who's Tedros.
	Okay, pause, pause, pause.
	So this guy, Tedros ad, you'll find this on Rebel and watch the whole thing.
	It's really well researched.
	They got a great young kid there doing an incredible job.
	But this guy, Tedros, isn't just a fucking buffoon.
	He's a communist terrorist Ethiopian.
	And when you look up his name, for some reason, Ethiopians, when you look them up on Wikipedia, they show their stupid name in their unbelievably archaic language, which is like a cave language.
	I used to make fun of Chinese and Arabic because you need a paintbrush to write them.
	I think for Ethiopian, you need a rock, a dirty rock to write it.
	It's fucking pathetic.
	Look at this.
	Oh, wow.
	Can you show that screen?
	Look at this shit.
	What the fuck is that?
	That's your language?
	Look at that.
	Do I have to break a pencil and burn it for 10 minutes in order to use that?
	Like, it's fucking sub-caveman.
	The second character looks like a balls and peepee.
	That's pretty funny.
	And like a little monster.
	And I think this dude is actually a retard.
	Can you spell his name by describing each character?
	Let's see.
	A sword with a balloon on the end of it, a penis and balls, a small.
	He looks like Barack Obama.
	A penis and balls.
	And they have a seed with the growth.
	So here's the deal.
	China obviously has a lot of influence in the World Health Organization.
	They just throw money at problems and they decided, well, we suck and we're probably going to start a plague.
	So let's get a communist in there.
	And someone, I guess, said, well, we have a communist in Ethiopia.
	Okay, but it's the World Health Organization.
	Is he a doctor?
	Yes, he's a doctor of philosophy.
	Oh, well, as long as we can say doctor, what's his past like?
	Oh, he was a brutal dictator who murdered thousands of his own people, ran a police state that was just rivers of blood and carnage.
	Okay, but is he communist?
	Yes.
	All right, well, maybe no one will bring up the terrorist thing.
	How is he smarts-wise?
	He's a retard.
	Well, does he know anything?
	Like, can he answer questions?
	He's going to be asked questions, obviously, before he becomes the head, the chief of the World Health Organization.
	He will not be able to answer any questions.
	He actually won't even be able to understand them.
	And it still works.
	Like, we should be concerned that people like Biden and this buffoon are in our orbit.
	Like, why do they even get to step to us?
	You know what I mean?
	Like, if someone, if I'm in the ring, I want to fight someone where I'm tired and scared.
	They keep putting babies in the ring with us.
	That's what pisses me off.
	And it might be our fault.
	But go back to this.
	So this is when he's being appointed.
	They're deciding whether they should appoint him.
	Stop, stop, stop.
	You got to go back a little bit.
	And this is him being quizzed about how he will perform as the head of the World Health Organization.
	Thank you very much, Dr. Tedros, for your presentation.
	You focus on fragile states and hard-to-reach settings, but with very little clarity on the WHO mission in terms of the development agenda.
	So how can we translate your views in terms of a development candidate?
	Thank you for your question.
	I think one of the problems in the developing world is that we're using first world standards on third world countries.
	Yes, we want to discourage coal energy in places like America, where it's an integral part of the economy, but we can afford to do it.
	When we start enforcing those same standards on countries in Africa, we hinder them.
	And we have places now, we have diseases all over Africa where people are using burning dung as a fuel source, and they're getting sick from it.
	So I want to have a different set of standards for the third world.
	And I think we should allow Africa to have coal energy and let them get on their feet before we inflict what some would say are draconian environmental laws.
	And I think that will really help Africa and the rest of the developing world develop faster and catch up faster and close the gap.
	That's my answer, sir.
	Let's see how Tedros handles it.
	Sorry, but the question is not clear.
	Can you clarify, if I may ask?
	Sorry.
	Could you write it with a burnt rock, please?
	How can you better explain your claim of being a candidate from the South, a development agenda candidate?
	Will you say the President's candidate linking it to sustainable development goals?
	I would like to ask you, which technical cooperation areas do you regard?
	I think they just abandoned that question entirely.
	Because he's already, China's already made him the chief.
	But this is just they have to go through the motion.
	It would be nice to have our so-called pet topics of the member states in which the WHO is currently active, and you see the least value added in the organization's action.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Okay, let's wait, go back.
	could not fucking now I'm turning into Tedros in which CW2 is going to go back more you say that you say Candidate linking it to sustainable development goals.
	I would like to ask you which technical cooperation areas do you regard being the nice to have or so-called the pet topics of the member states in which the WHO is currently active and you see the least value added in the organization action.
	Thank you.
	Nothing.
	Okay, I think he's saying what departments are the most valuable going forward and what are the least valuable.
	And I'm sorry to repeat myself, but I think with the developing world, we need to focus on energy.
	You can't create things if you don't have electricity.
	You can't have an economy if you don't have air conditioning.
	We need to have a real push for energy in these countries.
	And again, sorry to repeat myself, but if you're asking about the least important elements of the WHO, I would say enforcing first world laws.
	I'm sorry to repeat myself, but you keep asking the same questions.
	Let's see what Tedros does.
	Maybe if you can repeat, not clear or if you can.
	During times of crisis, the mainstream media will be the first to wave their arms and scream at you.
	Wow.
	And speaking of shitty socialists.
	Wait, is there more on him?
	What's 22?
	Oh, yeah.
	I think they're calling for him to resign.
	But it took a pandemic for us to discover this fucking clown, this communist terrorist.
	And I think I've said this before, but the one thing I've learned about this pandemic is that I should have had more focus on this show on communism and maybe less focus on radical Islam.
	Communism is clearly a much bigger threat.
	And, you know, we do have Ilhan Omar in our government, but we also have a lot of fucking socialists.
	World Health Organization ignored Taiwan's coronavirus warnings to cover for China.
	It costs lives.
	Did he even know?
	Maybe that's why they chose him, because he's so fucking stupid that he's just like a little puppet.
	And speaking of socialists, de Blasio, this is, I think, before the coronavirus got big.
	This is 19.
	De Blasio, I got to do an interview soon for, what's that guy's name?
	Slightly offensive.
	Just pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause.
	Look at her.
	How much fucking food does she consume?
	How much fried chicken?
	How much electricity does it take to keep this bloated pig fed?
	She's the head of the DFP.
	That was another great line.
	Remember I told you about it in the Louis C.K. video?
	He goes, what if God comes and he goes, you're not fucking these animals?
	They're to fuck.
	You eat them?
	That's disgusting.
	Why would you eat a perfectly fuckable pig?
	But you have these guys going up and down the escalator with worst mayor ever.
	So I don't want you to get distracted by them.
	They're obviously wonderful.
	And you'll notice, by the way, when socialists come, they all have the same beautifully made Kinko signs.
	And when movements are authentically grassroots, you can tell the signs are handmade.
	Like when they protested my talk, every sign was gorgeous.
	It looked like it was done by a design firm because it was.
	But listen to what this silly cow has to say.
	A family friend, they found his body three days later.
	Included lost a family friend.
	They found his body three days later after the storm Maria hit.
	Gunshot
	They were flooded out.
	They lost everything, including their homes.
	New York City will not survive without a racial, a radical action to stop climate change.
	Are you following any of this?
	She's talking about Hurricane Sandy, and she's saying that was caused by our pollution or whatever.
	And the lack of recycling, not having a green enough economy.
	That's why the hurricane hit us because hurricanes didn't happen before we started pollution.
	Hurricanes are a brand new thing.
	And then she's pointing out that someone died during it.
	So her contention is that lack of attention given to green concepts is killing people.
	These storms are going to get far worse if the world doesn't act.
	New York City will drown as sea level rises.
	New York City will drowns as sea level rises.
	This is what I'm screaming about.
	All of this shit.
	They're not sending their best.
	Like those reporters that go to attack Trump, you're talking about the price of oil and you have no idea what it is.
	We have communist terrorists running the World Health Organization.
	So a Chinese puppet is running the world's health.
	And then you have this disgusting, useless pig saying, New York City drowns as ocean levels rise.
	That's Elad.
	Oh, that's Elad.
	Yes.
	As our city drowns, it will be baking under heat waves like what we see.
	Now you might think I've given up hope.
	It is not the case at all.
	No, I've been fighting back activism.
	We can still turn around and create good union jobs while doing that.
	And I am so proud and happy to be standing here today.
	And that's because what a pile of shit.
	What a bunch of fucking losers.
	Should we get to mail?
	We shall get to mail.
	We have to.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a death.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	This is from Lucian.
	He's in Texas.
	Gav, I've read everything there is on the JFK assassination, and I'm not sure what Roger Stone is talking about, but there's a lot of horse manure there.
	I don't really want to get into it because we can go on and on, but here are a few things.
	First of all, Leo Harvey Oswald shot the president from the sixth floor of the school book depository with an Italian carcino that he ordered through the mail.
	He didn't hide the rifle.
	He just left it there.
	There were three black janitors or workmen or some sort on the fifth floor directly below.
	They heard the brass hit the floor.
	They heard the action cycle.
	That's how close they were.
	He wasn't eating lunch.
	He bailed out immediately.
	Well, isn't there a picture of him eating lunch?
	There's no picture, but there was the staircase.
	There was a power outage at the time, apparently, and there was a woman on the staircase that didn't hear or see him.
	Furthermore, an entire neighborhood watched him shoot J.D. Tippett.
	I've also been to the grassy knoll.
	It's fairly small.
	There were hundreds of people standing around.
	If someone else had fired a weapon, even a silence one, everyone would have noticed.
	Nobody reacts that way on the Zapruder film.
	I hate to be a wet blanket because I know this is a sacred cow for everybody, but people just want to believe, man.
	The fact is, all the little conspiracies can be debunked, but nobody wants to hear it.
	I'm telling you, I've spent hours reading everything there is to read about this case.
	Hours, days, weeks.
	Stone is just telling another version like everyone has their 9-11 version.
	Don't get me wrong, there are some anomalies and such, but that would be the case if you microanalyzed any major event.
	There was no magic bullet.
	There wasn't somebody in the gutter with a gun for Christ's sakes.
	There was no crossfire.
	LHO blew his goddamn brains out from that window.
	The end.
	Let's fuck to a slow song.
	Interesting.
	Always good to get another take.
	N. Snuffy, this guy's name is.
	I don't out names, but if they're a joke name, I don't think I'm threatening anyone.
	You ever wonder why Jordan Peterson just suddenly disappeared?
	Sure, the official story is that he got hooked on pain meds, tried some experimental cure, and hurt himself, but where the fuck is he?
	We all know his daughter's into some weird all-meat diet.
	I think she ate him.
	Love the show.
	Thanks for doing that, Amy, on that shitty Discord.
	It was fun.
	Terrible theory.
	It's from Max.
	Hey, Faggots, Saskatoon listener here.
	Gavin, have you ever looked into the Society of St. Pius X?
	And if so, what do you think of them?
	Did you know that Torinana lips on a homosexual is one of the Otis Simbos?
	I'll look into that, I guess.
	It's one of the Otis Simbos.
	You know, do we feel sympathy or anger when we see these retards like Otis Simbos and Joe Biden?
	I think it varies.
	When I see Joe Biden, I don't feel anger because I know he's going to lose in a landslide.
	And I just feel like the DNC can see how shitty they are.
	Did my hand get cut off there?
	No.
	So he's actually very an educational tool.
	Like my kids, they're not right or left, obviously.
	But last they were saying, so who's Gagaz, with the Ho-Chunk word for grandma?
	Who's Gaga going to vote for?
	And she goes, well, she always votes Democrat.
	She's stuck with this guy, Biden.
	Why is he suck?
	And I just played the clip we just showed.
	I just played that and I go, this is how he talks.
	So he's self-explanatory.
	But the WHO guy, like I had to kind of dig to get that rebel video.
	So that pisses me off.
	And then De Blasio pisses me off too because he ruined New York City.
	But that big fat clown talking about New York underwater, I saw her as educational.
	So it's funny.
	It depends on the case.
	It depends on how effective they are.
	This is one of the oldest symbols.
	Like with that one, I feel like everyone in that room was laughing.
	They were.
	So I feel bad.
	He's like Joe Biden.
	It's two separate categories.
	Dear Lone Ranger and Tonto.
	Brian Rose would be a great guest, as would David Ick.
	David Ike.
	David Icke.
	Isn't he a Holocaust denier?
	I don't know.
	I don't know who this is.
	I mean, a lot of people, even when we have a cure for the coronavirus, maybe, they're not going to be going out to eat as often.
	Wait, what the?
	Yeah, I've announced that.
	Is this an ad?
	There's a lot of small retailers that were just barely hanging on.
	Can I not skip around this?
	That's weird.
	I can't skip around.
	This is from Justin.
	What's up, Gav?
	Just want to say Ryan's video drops really make the show really make the show.
	My fiancé doesn't really watch GML, but she's usually listening in the background while I'm watching in the mornings before work.
	The other day, she reminded me that it was our two-year anniversary, and I said, wow, two years already?
	To which she replied, time flies when you're having sex and getting good at it, if you will.
	It was hilarious.
	Love the show.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	Hey, Gaster, I was going through the archive show and I stumbled across Ryan correcting you for something that didn't warrant correcting whatsoever.
	In this clip from June 2019, you said you had said, I want to talk now to homeless me about Nazi graffiti.
	And Ryan, for some reason, thought you said homeless graffiti, imbecilic oblivion.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Do you have that one?
	I do.
	This will be typical.
	I'm trying to not show the email with it, but we might have to.
	Oh, you're going to pull it up?
	Let me try to zoom in.
	We're going to see his email.
	No, we're good.
	So those are my three neutron bombs.
	I want to talk now to Homeless Me about Nazi graffiti and how I don't believe you that you've invented a magic thing.
	This guy is running.
	I'm sorry, you said homeless graffiti?
	Nazi graffiti.
	Nazi graffiti.
	Sorry.
	I like that you believed that, though.
	That was not intentional.
	I didn't mean that.
	Well, when you say things with authority, you just go, wow, this guy must know what he's talking about.
	You didn't trump me.
	You didn't say.
	What are the oil prices?
	Yeah.
	How did I say homeless graffiti?
	So what did I say before?
	I just repeated myself.
	You're done.
	Next.
	This is from John.
	Interesting article from Windsor, Ontario.
	In the middle of our quarantining, some dudes decide to have a machete fight in front of an oil change place.
	Another dude ended it with a pickup truck.
	There's a video.
	He doesn't include it, by the way.
	But then he sent another one.
	Pickup truck interrupts machete fight.
	And then he pulls it up.
	I hate machete fights.
	They're so hard to watch because you see machetes, like even a baseball bat, it has to connect really well before it does permanent damage.
	Everyone's seen this video a million times.
	Why are you sending me viral videos?
	Those are top spots.
	With a machete, like you block it and it's still going to go right through.
	You get it in the head.
	You're going to be bleeding everywhere.
	I don't understand how machete fights exist.
	Like, how do they not last one second?
	You get me here.
	I'm gone.
	You hit me like this.
	I go to block it.
	I'm bleeding like a stuck pig now.
	There's a video I can't get out of my head where in Brazil, exactly that happened.
	the guy's arm's gone, and he jumps on a moped on the way to the hospital, but you're just...
	You're toast.
	I just felt so...
	I don't want to pick it up, but it was in Brazil.
	Some guy broke into a dude's house and the dude was like a samurai ninja sword dude.
	And he was just like, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.
	And the guy's lying on a gurney going, and he has these fucking giant slices all over him.
	And he's going, he couldn't have survived.
	That sucks.
	Yeah.
	The two worst things as far as fight videos are anything with a machete and seeing someone get kicked in the head when they're unconscious.
	Yeah.
	Gentlemen, two of my beta male friends have both lost their spices to women due to their lack of traditional male attributes.
	Two of my beta male friends have both lost their spouses to women due to their lack of...
	Do you mean two of my friends got divorced because they were pussies?
	That I can understand.
	Two of my beta male friends have both lost their spouses, gotcha, to women.
	So the women became lesbians due to their lack of traditional male attributes.
	They love Marvel Comics video games and still build Lego sets.
	Is it possible to make fun of them until they convert from tall toddlers to strapping lads?
	Yeah, of course it's possible, but will it work is the million dollar question.
	There's so much support for all these fucking pussies, but I would relentlessly make fun of them until they didn't want to hang out with you anymore.
	Hi, Gavin.
	I was watching a documentary called Rainman Twins about these lady twins who are autistic savants, and it's pretty fascinating and worth a watch, I guess.
	But what I mostly took away from it was that at about 48 seconds in, you guys get it mentioned.
	I attached the clip.
	Enjoy it.
	This will be our last letter.
	They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.
	Well, that's a video drop right there.
	Thank you for adding to our video drop list.
	Yes, that will be saved.
	All right.
	So let's jump to the end here.
	Oh, I want to see this.
	Check out this cop that got attacked in the Bronx yesterday.
	This is exactly what I was talking about in the NYPD Lives Matter video.
	We instill in these young black and Hispanic kids the lie that cops are just fucking with them for no reason, that that person was just like eating a hoagie and the cops ran up and beat the shit out of him.
	And he said, I have my hands up.
	Don't shoot.
	And they were just bullying him.
	So these kids want revenge.
	I would too, if I had been convinced that cops are just hunting guys with mustaches for sport.
	I'd be fucking pissed.
	I had to shave my mustache.
	You media, you did this.
	You got to zoom it out a bit, dude.
	That's as much as all right.
	Let's watch it.
	I'm recording this shit.
	You see him getting psyched.
	What a pussy, too.
	There's this sucker punch thing.
	Yo, yo!
	What the fuck?
	Why didn't you chase him?
	Look how he runs, too.
	I guess because his pants are so low.
	Get him.
	Get the fucker.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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