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April 3, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
29:39
GOML LIVE #41 | GUIDED TOUR OF NYC

We drive from Brooklyn to the East Village to the USNS Comfort to Times Square to Radio City Music Hall examining an abandoned NYC.

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Okay, now to the clip.
Can you hear me?
That's a good jam he wrote for us.
That could be a band.
We could start a band up again.
Actually, I'm not doing that.
I did a band 80s hardcore.
We were a hardcore cover band that covered 80s hardcore.
It was exhausting, man.
That hardcore is a young man's game.
Welcome to the show.
Welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
It is our Thursday live presentation here from Ryan's apartment.
And I got to say, we are doing a much better job of retaining the merit of this show than Trevor Noah and Samantha B and all of these high-paid celebs who are turning out to be talentless hacks.
Holy shit, do their shows suck.
And if you go to censored.tv and check out yesterday's episode, you can see us go through them all.
Samantha B did a seven-minute joke where she's showing you how to survive in the forest and chop wood, but you can't chop wood very well because women don't have that much upper body strength.
So she has a lot of trouble chopping wood.
That's the whole joke.
And it goes on and on as she tries to hit log after log.
I don't even really get it.
Did you think that we thought you were strong enough to chop wood?
She's like five feet tall.
Anyway, this first half hour will be free.
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And by the way, you know how I was talking earlier in the week about how I resent that you have all these rich chics in the Middle East who are getting all our oil money because they happen to be on that particular piece of sand.
I feel the same way about these countries in Central America.
Like, would they be able to make the coffee if we didn't go in there and show them how to use those beans?
At least they don't drive cars just on two wheels.
You know that thing they do in the Middle East?
Anyway, today's a special app.
Oh, look, my t-shirt is somewhat transparent.
I drove into the city last night.
I checked out all my old haunts and I wanted to see how abandoned it is.
And it is.
It is, I would say, like when we first went there, remember last week we went down and we were interviewing people and whatever.
Well, we weren't interviewing people, although I thought that would be a good idea.
Get a broomstick.
Tape the mic to the end and do streeters like this.
Oh, you can't hear me say that.
Do streeters really far away.
Don't make that a Zeke Heil fuckers.
So we're going to, this hour, I guess, we're going to go through a quick tour of New York.
I started in Queens.
Queens is not that, okay, in case you don't know New York, it looks like an uncircumcised penis, right?
There's the foreskin down there.
Wall Street is the foreskin.
This is Lower Manhattan.
Not a lot's happening down here.
If you're in finance, this is where you go.
There's some tourists down here.
There's a 9-11 memorial too soon.
But that's not a lot happening.
And it's ironic, too, because when they built City Hall, which is about there, the back of it doesn't look that nice.
It's the front of it that's really grandiose.
And that's because they figured, well, New York's never going to be bigger than this because this was all farmland.
And they thought this will be the sort of edge of the city.
So let's make the front.
And then now it's the nothing part of the city.
So here we get Tribeca.
And that's like Robert De Niro, Soho, expensive fashion places.
And then we move over to the Lower East Side.
East Village, that's more punky and hipstery.
This hipsters over here too in Greenpoint and Williamsburg.
But these hipsters are young and sexy and rich.
If you're a hipster in the Lower East Side, East Village, you're kind of like a weirdo for life.
Like that's where I should be if I didn't have, you know, kids and a wife.
This is sort of where you go to be a weirdo for life.
So these are very different.
And this Williamsburg, the hipster area, was a total shithole when I moved there in the 90s and we brought vice there because it was cheap.
And now it's actually more expensive than here.
In fact, when we opened up a restaurant over here, it was cheaper to open it in the East Village than it was in Williamsburg.
Now, Greenpoint is Polish.
That's where we're going to start this whole thing.
And it's funny because everyone talks about gentrification.
And I think I am responsible for gentrifying Williamsburg via Vice.
Same thing with the hipsters.
That was us.
That was the do's and don'ts.
But the reason this area was so easy to gentrify is because it was empty.
This was all warehouses.
There used to be a lot of manufacturing here.
The ports there would get supplies and there was factories working through the night.
Then manufacturing died and this was all empty warehouses.
So there'd be a lot of crackheads hanging around.
So artists would move in because they needed the space for the lofts.
So this was easy to gentrify.
Greenpoint's never going to gentrify.
Stop buying expensive apartments there.
The Polex are never going to go.
Similarly, East Williamsburg, well, that's still sort of Williamsburg, but you're getting sort of black and Puerto Rican and Dominican here.
These people are third generation.
They're not moving.
They don't know any other culture.
Like they, a lot of these people have never been to Manhattan.
I guarantee you, no one here has ever been to the Empire State Building inside.
Like they're very parochial.
Anyway, so let's start out our tour with the Polish part of Greenpoint, which is where I first moved when I moved to New York.
Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
This is the first place I lived when I moved here.
700 bucks a month they paid.
And it's basically all Polish.
And after being here for a while, I started seeing these people every day, these drunk Polaks, and it got depressing.
And even though I was only paying $700 a month, I thought, I'm not getting the New York experience.
I'm essentially in Poland.
So I got the hell out of here.
And I think I moved to the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.
I don't remember.
I hopped around.
Basically, in New York, you can't get laid if you don't live.
This is probably, there's a dude saying, what's up?
This was probably the busiest place we saw in the whole of the city.
Hi, me.
Getting some wrinkles there, Gav.
I didn't realize this because this was our first stop.
But this area is usually, you know, packed with people, but there was still quite a few here.
So this is surprising.
Manhattan.
It's like having a shitty car in LA.
So I cheaped it out here in Greenpoint and Williamsburg, which back then was cheap.
And then I said, I got to find a lady to settle down with.
So I went to Manhattan, lived in the Lower East Side, and got a wife.
Just pause for a sec.
I don't know if I made that clear because I interrupted myself.
In LA, you have to have a nice car to get laid.
Or at least I hear you can just have a Prius now.
But back when I was, you know, in the early aughts, you'd meet a girl at a bar and then you go, let's go.
And she saw you have a decent car.
And they would talk about cars.
Like, yeah, he's got a sob, but it's like, it's a 1989.
It's a piece of shit.
And you would never hear that in New York.
But in New York, if you said, hey, let's go home.
And she's like, okay, where do you live?
I live in Greenpoint.
Oh, so I got to get in a taxi.
Find one that will go to Brooklyn.
A lot of them wouldn't do that back then in the early aughts in the 90s.
So I got to sit in a taxi with you for like 20 minutes.
No, thank you.
So it was very hard to get laid.
But if you lived in the East Village and you said, let's go home, where do you live?
Upstairs.
Well, kaboom.
Well, the good thing about living in this neighborhood is you were never worried about your girlfriend getting attacked because these guys don't have a lot of gumption.
But I remember seeing one of them was puking in a dumpster and then the other one was staring at him laughing.
And I just thought, I got to get out of here.
Here, one detail.
That woman, go back.
That woman, she was so shit-faced she couldn't get up.
And you see this all the time.
This really bourgeois woman walking her dog, like this rich young hipster.
Greenpoint wasn't a hipster when I was there.
Later, the Williamsburg thing spread, but not the way that people say it would.
It leaked.
It dripped.
But anyway, she comes up and you can see her talking.
Like, is she okay?
What's going on?
What do you think is going on?
A bunch of drunks are shit-faced.
It's that simple.
It's like one time I was in St. Mark's.
Here, go forward on the map a bit.
St. Mark's.
So where is that?
Little, little, little, little, little, little.
St. Mark's, 9th.
Does that say 9th Street?
So I was around here.
Oh, no.
It was closer to NYU, though.
So I was around, let's say, here.
And this bum just goes, oh, hits his knees and then falls face first.
And I was walking by a bus shelter and I saw him.
I was just like, you piece of shit.
And then he gets up and his nose is bleeding and he ripped his jeans a little bit.
And these NYU kids, just like the lady I just talked about, are on the phone calling 911.
And I go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
He doesn't want to go to the hospital for a nosebleed.
He's a drunk piece of shit and he fell because he's wasted.
Don't intervene.
There's nothing to be done here.
And he goes, he's right.
I have a piece of shit.
I don't own a hospital.
And then he just walked away.
You have to, in New York City, you have to recognize that you're in a shithole.
Like rats fight for pizza in New York City.
All right.
Oh, it's time for our, no, it's not.
Okay.
Let's go to a funner part.
So now I drove from Greenpoint, right?
And now I'm driving into Williamsburg.
This is Williamsburg here.
And by the way, if you're visiting New York City, I highly recommend you fucking get on the L-train and get off at Bedford and just walk around.
It's a very colorful neighborhood.
They all hate my guts, even though I'm the man who created it.
But they don't know who you are.
And it's got more dense bars and places to check out than the Lower East Side in East Village.
I've heard someone describe it as it's like the East Village in the 80s without the junkies and the crime.
That's really what it is.
So that's a fun trip.
Anyway, we're just on the edge of it right here in this very important clip.
This is where I was in a taxi cab with my wife and I farted one of those farts of Burns Urana Lips and I knew it was going to smell unbelievable, but so bad that it didn't smell like poo-poo.
It just was disgusting.
And my wife, who's my girlfriend at the time, said to the cab driver, do you smell that?
And then he says, yes, I do.
There is a lot of manufacturing in this neighborhood.
This is back before it had become gentrified.
There's a lot of manufacturing in this neighborhood.
And you're probably smelling maybe someone manufacturing plastic, the smell of burning plastic.
And they were both having like an in-depth discussion about my fart.
By the way, that takes balls to let one rip in a taxicab with a girl you're courting and know that it will not be seen as a fart.
I'm not even sure I did that on purpose.
And by the way, these areas we're going into now are usually totally crammed.
Williamsburg is like Chinatown now.
We're here at 75 North Forth, which was where Vice was after we went bankrupt.
That door right there.
People always say that Vice was started with the welfare grant and it's not a real company.
It was created by the government or whatever.
Okay, that's a whole other argument that I've gotten into a million times.
But what about after we went bankrupt and we were about a million dollars in debt and we had to go to the Triple Five Souls storage room and work from there and build the company back up from scratch, just like America after the Civil War.
And it was fun because we'd be up there and we'd see these Hasidic Jews in minivans picking up these prostitutes who basically lived there and they were fucking vile, the prostitutes, like one ski boot on, one sneaker, lipstick all over their face.
And God, truckers would solicit them too after a long drive.
I guess you want a cheap VJ.
But they would write all over our stairway.
I miss you so much, sweetie.
Mommy's coming home soon.
I guess had their kids taken away for being crackheads.
And if you miss her so much, if you love her, how about you give up crack for a second?
Oh, there's the guy with a white flag.
I wonder what that says.
Can I turn this around?
And yeah, Williamsburg is totally, not totally deserted, but it's operating at about 1%.
I love you.
Keep on going, his sign says.
Thanks, man.
That's the sweetest thing anyone in Williamsburg has ever said to me.
It's funny how the younger the area, the more populated it is.
Speaking of Johnny Apple CBD, we use CBD at my gym, and it's a topical cream that we used for our workout.
I actually am not clearly not going to the gym anymore.
You know what I did today?
I bought Peloton shoes to ride my wife's Peloton like a bitch.
I'm going to be taking spin classes.
Isn't that embarrassing?
You don't seem to care.
Me?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought you were talking to the.
Are you working out?
No.
I've been making a lot of food, though.
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All right, we should get back to the tour of New York.
Are you enjoying this?
Is this fun?
I mean, doesn't everyone want to see what New York looks like?
And believe me, we're going to go to the West Side Highway.
We're going to go to that big boat.
What's it called?
The Comfort?
USNS Comfort.
And Radio City Music Hall, Fox News.
All of those areas are much more deserted than these hipster enclaves.
I guess young people think they can't get it.
Okay, here we are.
My kids.
In Williamsburg, hipster capital of the world.
Okay, now I do, I know I look at that guy's hair.
It's not a hat.
See, when I created hipsters, it was like a thing.
It was like an offshoot of punk.
And it was skinny white jeans, Ryan McGinley, army coats, skateboards, track bikes, MP3s, old vintage Nike shirts and stuff like that.
Then it went gay.
It actually split after I left it alone and let it run its course.
It split into metrosexuals like this guy who might not even be gay and then like biker type looks with like big beards and tons of tattoos and leather vests.
Anyway, this street is usually fucking jammed.
So I know I said Williamsburg is more populated than it should be, and I guess it is, but you have to understand, like New York is unique.
And I think I say this in the video.
It is the busiest city I've ever been in.
When I go back to Montreal and I'm walking around, I just go, where the fuck is everyone?
So maybe you're just seeing what looks like your town, but you got to understand how unbelievably overpopulated this city is.
Capital of the world.
There's a guy with funny hair.
This is usually packed like Chinatown.
Not anymore, though.
Line for Whole Foods.
Everyone's got their masks on.
Oh, there's a lineup for Whole Foods.
They're waiting to go in one at a time.
It's so expensive here now.
Only Asians can live here.
Oh, that guy must be an Antifa.
Everything's boarded up.
I used, when I came here first in 1999, you couldn't even get a bank machine.
And I'll tell you what, you better watch yourself.
These Puerto Rican kids would run around.
One of them knocked my friend out with a golf club.
He had a driver came out behind him, smashed him in the head, knocked him clean out.
I remember when North 7th, you wouldn't go past North 7th.
There was like the Dominicans on the south side, the Puerto Ricans on the north side.
And then it got Polish as you got farther down here.
Wow, this is, I guess this looks normal to people in normal cities, but New York City's usually jammed.
I guess this looks normal to people in normal cities, but New York City is usually jammed.
Okay, now we're going to cross the bridge and go over into the city, where it gets busy.
Who want to sleep?
Leaving Brooklyn, oy Vey, it says.
And we are going into Manhattan from Hipster.
Clay Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
Doesn't matter which side you go on.
Hipsters taking their one-track bikes over the top.
And then you get to see New York Sette.
Remember one time I was in a taxi right here with my old man.
He is visiting.
He goes, look at that.
New York Sutte.
It's weird driving on this part because it's not really enough for two cars.
But yeah, this bridge took about seven years to build and has been under construction for about half a century.
And we're above the East River.
You can see the projects there.
You can thank Robert Moses for those.
Third generation welfare living in there.
Having a cozy time.
You can see uptown the Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building built within a year and a half of each other during the Great Depression, no less.
So we've been through worse and had greater.
You'll also notice the roads in Brooklyn are not that different from the roads in Iraq.
I don't know where all our tax money goes.
I have a feeling it goes to these folks in the PJs, as they're called.
I'm a big fan of the fashion here on Dorains and Carry.
The Rock-Aware and such, but my wife doesn't wear, refuses to wear Rockaware and those Timberland high-heeled boots with stiletto wheels.
Okay.
I wouldn't want you to send okay, so now we are in the city.
We're in the East Village where everything New York-y you hear about the classic New York City and what you see at the beginning of this show is the East Village.
That's where, I mean, hip-hop came from the Bronx.
But as far as punk and the fashion and the whole concept of like the cool New Yorker, this is where they're from.
Here, why are my nude senses tingling?
This is, did you hear that?
His nude senses?
No, my two sons call each other noobs all the time.
And he said, what is it about sitting next to you?
Why are my noob senses tingling?
Street.
I used to be nice Guyettis.
Pretty darn empty.
There's the infamous Katz's Deli.
No one around.
Oh my God, the Mercury Lounge.
Look at that.
I want to go to Mercury Lounge.
Barf snippets are playing at Mercury Lounge.
I know the bassist.
Mercury Lounge is officially shut down.
Remember, the strokes told me I wasn't allowed to go there anymore because I made fun of them.
Run this town.
Keep going.
This is Ludlow Street.
This is the street I met my wife on.
Max.
I am a lot here.
It's kind of embarrassing.
It sounds like one of those guys who was super duper fat and then he lost the weight and looks normal now and he got married and you go, oh, it's a normal guy and his wife.
But he's actually so thrilled that he has a normal girl for the first time in his life that he talks about his wife all the time.
Like the way people talk about their dogs all the time and tell you about their likes and dislikes.
I sound like an ex-fat guy.
This used to be a junkie hellhole and now look at it.
Fancy hotels.
By the way, for those of you familiar with my book, Death of Cool, this is where I fought Ryan McGidley, McGinley, right there.
That's where I drove a giant hole into his face with my rings.
This is gone.
Oh, it's sweet chick now.
Was that where it was?
So, pause, that's my old house, 174 Ludlow Street.
And on the roof is where I watched two planes crash into the World Trade Center.
And I hate to recognize that the terrorists are Muslim.
That feels racist.
But they were Muslim.
And by the way, speaking of racist terms, can we stop calling it chink and pox, please?
That is brutally offensive.
Ludlow Street, Hipster Central.
Actually, more like decrepit hipsters.
Here we are going down First Avenue.
Uh-oh, we're low on fuel.
First Avenue.
Okay, come on, Paz.
Anyone who knows New York City, this is, so we're just north of Houston now.
We were in the Lower East Side on Ludlow.
This is the East Village.
This is fucking nuts.
New York City, East Village.
Look at that.
One, two, three.
Who are these people on city bikes, by the way?
Do they live in the East Village?
You know, another thing with the East Village that's changed drastically is NYU students have taken over this neighborhood and it's not junkies anymore.
And all the students have gone home.
So Greenpoint is a lot more residential and Williamsburg is a lot more residential than the East Village.
All the East Village, you know, hardcore lifers, they got pushed out a long time ago by students.
Defines the East Village.
This is where the sort of New York Cool was born.
Andy Warhol, Sex Pistols, New York dolls.
Oh, there's people lining up to go into Key Food.
This is surprisingly busy.
That's 4th Street, 1st and A.
I used to have a restaurant down there.
Mom, you bought me Shulk Leon.
My wife got food poisoning from a smoothie shop here, and she called them and said, I've been sick for two days from one of your smoothies.
And the woman said, okay, thank you very much, and hung up.
Wow, look at this.
That's where, oh, Niagara's gone?
Geez.
Tompkins Square Park, that's where the squatters fought the cops.
Doc Holidays.
This is where everyone congregated on New Year's Eve and during the two thousand kind of embarrassed of that mistake I meant 9-11.
I called 9-11 New Year's Eve.
But we were all gathered at Doc Holidays and all these spots after 9-11 coming together.
But we're not allowed to come together for this crisis.
And during the 2004 blackout, it was hopping with people having a good time.
Not so many people having a good time now.
East Village is closed for business.
Okay, I'm going to give you one more before we go behind the paywall.
And that is basically the top of the Westside Highway.
Look at that.
Beautiful sunset.
We're here on the West Side Highway where a bunch of people, I think eight, were killed by a terrorist.
Look at the quality of that sunset.
It's pink and purple.
We're going to go see that big hospital boat that's next to the Intrepid, just a little farther south.
People are walking, their dogs hanging out.
You can see the Westside Highway is pretty empty.
All right.
Time to go.
That went by really fast.
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