Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #39 - LAST SHOW FROM NYC?

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March 20, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

03:26:38

GOML LIVE #39 - LAST SHOW FROM NYC?

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Rock with Kevin McTinnis.
	Get Off My Rock with Kevin McTinnis.
	It's enough of that music.
	That music doesn't inspire.
	That's kind of punk.
	That's some punk we had made for the show.
	70s punk.
	And we're going through an incredible time right now where people need solace.
	They need support.
	They need to imagine.
	And that's why Ryan and I are here to help you tonight on this special edition of GOML Live.
	Imagine there's no heaven.
	It's easy if you try.
	No hell below us above a sonly sky.
	Imagine all the people living for imagine there's no country.
	Oh, sorry.
	It sees this isn't hard to do.
	Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too.
	I hate this so much.
	Imagine all the people living life in peace.
	You might say I'm a dreamer.
	But I'm not the only one.
	I hope someday you'll join us and the world will imagine no possessions.
	I wonder if you can.
	No need for greed or hunger.
	Wait, who needs hunger?
	That's a good point.
	Uh huh.
	I wonder if A brotherhood of man.
	Imagine all the people.
	Like the ethnic twist.
	Sharing all the world.
	You together now.
	You might say I'm a dreamer.
	But I'm not the only one.
	I hope someday you'll join us.
	And the world will live as one.
	There.
	So you can do that without being cringe.
	You're welcome for that.
	I hope that made you sort of, I hope that gave you pause and made you think, huh?
	You know what?
	I'm being greedy here.
	I like, I'm going to.
	It's weird that you find solace in a communist anthem where no one has any possessions and there's no God or religion.
	Yeah, that's called China.
	China.
	China's what got us into this mess in the first place.
	That's racist.
	Don't call it Chinese food.
	Call it food.
	But before we start the show, I would like to thank my sponsor, Red Pill Red.
	This is a very long show we have today.
	And not Red Pill Red.
	Sorry.
	I was reading Red Pill Read.
	Red Pill.
	But we're only going to make the first half hour free, but I think it's going to go longer than two hours.
	But hold on a second.
	Oh, I thought we were done singing that song.
	I Googled the Great Awakening because I was feeling philosophical and I found a new coffee.
	It's called The Great Awakening from RedpillLiving.com.
	I ordered the Great Awakening coffee from redpillliving.com.
	Unbelievable coffee.
	I had a Great Awakening.
	You need to keep shopping at redpellliving.com.
	Keep shopping at redpillliving.com.
	See, this is the beauty of being in quarantine.
	You don't have to go out and buy this stuff.
	I've heard some gossip from insiders at the National Guard that they're going to be, they were told to pack for 30 days.
	So they may be quarantining everyone in the entire country for two weeks, but they have enough food for 30 days in case it becomes 30 days.
	And they're not announcing this until all the homes are guarded to prevent looting.
	So they'll be stationing militia everywhere in every little town.
	So when they announce that they're cutting off everything, including grocery stores, we won't kill each other.
	So I also bought the, this is a lie.
	I haven't bought the Red Pill Living Wild Herb Essential Oil yet to see if it boosts my immunity, but I'm sure it will.
	And I know I said I bought Great Awakening Coffee.
	We're yet to do that.
	This is the first day we've had this client, and I'm looking forward to it.
	I think they're somehow linked to Johnny Apple CBD.
	I'm not sure, but we've been enjoying Cavefe coffee, and I assume Great Awakening Coffee from Red Pill will be equally fantastic.
	So when you go there, use the promo code Gavin15, and you get 15% off all purchases.
	That's 15% off.
	Just use promo code Gavin15 at redpillliving.com.
	Gavin15, blah, blah, blah.
	I fucking hate the way these reads are written.
	He's got me repeating redpillliving.com like 50 times.
	I'm not doing that.
	I see something cool in here.
	They like from all different countries.
	Italy, France, Costa Rica, Colombia.
	Oh, that's a trip.
	That's pretty crazy.
	There's a lot of them.
	Yeah, you can try the different.
	We should order one from every country and then we'll give reviews on each one.
	That makes a hell of a lot more sense than pretending that I bought tons and I love it and I feel awakened.
	True that.
	Hey, ad guy who gets his clients, don't write this shit for me anymore, okay?
	Just tell me the who, what, when, where, why about the thing and then I'll talk about it and send me a free sample and I'll try it like you did with the beef.
	But I'm not pretending that I do this shit.
	Mother Nature's hella pissed.
	He's back.
	Let's check out that Gail Godot thing.
	She is a fucking smokeshow.
	But here's the thing celebrities need to understand about themselves.
	Back in the 40s and 50s, after World War II, celebrities were actually exceptional, exceptional, exceptional people.
	That's why Ronald Reagan was such a great president, because movie stars were actually fantastic people.
	Now it's just the prettiest girl or boy from your fucking annoying drama club in high school.
	In other words, losers.
	That's why the men are so short, because they couldn't play sports, so they got involved in drama, and there was some gays there who couldn't, you know, butch themselves up enough to sound normal.
	And then there was gays like Tom Cruise who were able to do it, but still, a midget.
	And then the pretty girls are just like Elizabeth Banks, who's, you know, look at Charlie's Angels.
	She's a failure when she tries to do things on her own.
	But as Ezra Levant points out, they've been reading these scripts for so long that they think they're wise.
	And then they start talking because they believe the character in the movie, like Vin Diesel.
	When I did How to Be a Man, it was the same studio that had just done a movie for Vin Diesel.
	And people who worked at the studio told me he'd show up as a character.
	Like he'd get off his bike, take off his helmet, throw it to his buddy, go sit down, put his feet up on the desk, and like, I need my check.
	And they go, we wire you your money every time.
	We don't have check.
	I mean, I can print out a check, I guess.
	And he'd leave with his check.
	Van Diesel is the perfect celebrity.
	He's also the sexiest thumb in the history of hands.
	What a hot thumb.
	Hot thumb!
	Howling on the streets!
	I want to suck and taste you.
	Actual lyric from Hot Boys by Pete Townsend.
	Which we can play once we're off the paywall.
	Yeah, don't ban me, YouTube, for saying that.
	Robots have been banning me like crazy.
	I'm suspended from YouTube for seven days.
	And YouTube says it's just, it's the robots.
	Twitter is doing this too.
	Once China attacks the world with far more effectiveness than ISIS could ever dream of, big tech's first solution is let's get Chinese robots to infiltrate our tech and ban all the people that are conservative and also start rumors that it was started in America and also shit on Trump.
	China is asshole!
	The president of the country.
	That sounds like a good solution to me.
	And it's also a great way to ban conservatives.
	You say, sorry, dude, we couldn't come to work and the robots had to do it.
	Michelle Malkin called them out on this.
	But I don't really care.
	I don't care if I get banned from YouTube.
	I don't care about all this danger, even if it is 30 days with the National Guard.
	I've already built this pirate ship that you can't fire me from.
	I've already been ostracized in my community, had my car vandalized, signs on my lawn, banners on the highway calling me a Nazi.
	So what are you going to fucking do?
	Come at me, bro.
	I was talking to Anthony about our ammunition, and I was counting my gigantic fucking 30-odd 6 shells today.
	And I've got packs and packs of it.
	I won't say how much I have, but say you only had 20.
	A 30-odd 6, I told you this, right?
	I shot a rabbit with it once, and the rabbit was gone.
	It left this dimension.
	It wasn't like it had a bullet hole.
	It was just, poof.
	It was just fur.
	So if you shoot someone in the head with this, with my, with my rifle, they're just going to have like a hole in their head.
	Like you can't have a wake.
	So say I use 10 of these bullets.
	I guess we're in such an intense state, right, that the bodies are going to stay outside because no one's doing any collecting, right?
	That's why they came to my house because they were starving because there was no food, which is a fucking ridiculous sentiment.
	I just need bread.
	Yeah, there's no bread.
	You have to come and try to kill me to get bread.
	Bull shit.
	What is this?
	Cormack McCarthy's The Road?
	Anyway, so say I use like five bullets and kill five intruders.
	There's five dead bodies in front of my house?
	Yeah.
	A lot of clean.
	Like I was talking to guys that say, yeah, I'm saving my AR-15 for when shit gets really crazy.
	I just have buckshot and my shotgun, and then my handgun just has 22s.
	So you'll just be like injuring people for the first little while.
	And then the buckshot, the same thing, just like putting some holes in their ass.
	So they run away.
	Then the AR-15 is when I really start murdering people.
	So how many cadavers are in front of your house at this point?
	Like blood is your whole front lawn is blood.
	Your whole driveway is the bloody angle.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	So I don't think you need like 100 bullets.
	Speaking of the bloody angle, we were there yesterday.
	We walked outside the office.
	And non-subscribers won't know this, but we did a tour of Chinatown.
	And sorry, of Times Square.
	And then we took my car.
	We've been driving to work because the trains are not safe.
	No one's on them.
	In fact, I think this might be the end of our studio shows.
	I think I might be shooting From home next week, which is weird because we won't have the TriCaster, we won't be able to cut to things.
	And I saw Stephen Colbert doing his show from his balcony on YouTube.
	It's not in the notes, but God, it sucked.
	It really stripped bare what these shows are.
	It's 14 people busting their ass to send in 40 jokes.
	And then a guy reads the jokes with his eyebrows going, what?
	And then pretending he's making it up as he goes, but you can tell he's just reading.
	Look at that.
	This is really what talk shows are when they have writers.
	You're not going to show the video, Ryan?
	Oh, they didn't have one on that site.
	Well, you might want to go to a site called YouTube.
	By the way, folks who watched yesterday's episode, you may have noticed that it changed three times.
	That's because Ryan kept forgetting shit we had shot, which I don't understand because we went to like four or five locations and he forgot two of them twice.
	Can you fucking believe that?
	I said, where's the thing where we're on the stairs of Times Square?
	And he goes, oh, sorry.
	Adds a bit.
	And I go, no, no, that's when we were by the Homeless Woman with the Dreads.
	Where's where we were by the stairs?
	Oh, you're going to have to put this back on manual focus.
	Oh, damn.
	And he goes, oh, yeah, that too.
	So yesterday's show was uploaded thrice.
	Anyway, Times Square wasn't as abandoned as people say it is, but it's pretty abandoned.
	I mean, that guy to my right, sitting down, is a brutally homeless man whose entire back is black.
	Even though he's wearing...
	It hit the sack.
	He's a fucking bum and he's whack.
	His back is black because that's where he sleeps.
	He's wearing a beige, beige attire.
	It's construction workers, bums.
	We went to the Bloody Angle, which I just mentioned, in Chinatown.
	Site.
	A lot of deaths were there in the gangs of New York days.
	There it is.
	I've never seen that thing not be mobbed.
	Doyer Street, I think it's called.
	The post office is on it.
	And then we went down to the war memorial and we drove through the West Village.
	It's a fun thing to do.
	I recommend you, if you live anywhere near Manhattan, just put the family in the car and go toot around, especially if the National Guard's going to be saying we can't leave our homes and roads are closed down.
	But anyway, that's what I was talking about.
	Look at Stevens Colbert reading from an iPad teleprompter.
	There are some officials who agree with each other, like California Guardian.
	I don't think you play too much of that because YouTube is just a little sample of that audio.
	Pretty bad.
	I can't.
	Maybe I'll still be suspended from YouTube.
	But you get the idea.
	You can look it up yourself.
	And are we playing the His nose is red.
	And we'll get to that.
	And because, just like on SNL, when they talk to people like this, what?
	We're not going to be there on Friday.
	And I think it's kind of nuts that so many people are fighting back.
	Are you sure that that's what we want to do?
	And you're like, what the fuck's the matter with your eyes?
	It's the same with Colbert.
	He's reading his teleprompter like that, and he looks like he's touched.
	He looks like he ain't right in the head.
	So I don't want to do that.
	I don't want to sit on my balcony, on my porch.
	So what I was thinking, though, Ryan, you could come to my house and we could just watch movies.
	And the way that we would be able to show them without getting busted is we broadcast them on ourselves.
	Sure, sure.
	You know, so now we're not stealing the movie and uploading it.
	It's art.
	It's like built-in commentary.
	Yeah, and we could cover so much of the screen that it would be more like that robot theater thing.
	Mystery Science Theater.
	Mystery Science Theater, but they were just a little shadow on the bottom.
	We'll be the majority of the fucking thing.
	More so than Beavis and Butthead as well.
	Yeah, maybe you can send in some ideas of movies we should watch.
	I was thinking Hustlers, we've already done.
	I'm giving that away.
	Cats, Charlie's Angels.
	What was the other one I wanted to do?
	Hustlers, Cats, Charlie's Angels.
	Well, then there's a badass one, but I don't think we want to watch Mandy.
	No, no, no, no.
	We don't want to watch a good movie.
	That's not funny.
	I don't think you mentioned that.
	Then we'll just be sit there captivated.
	Whoa.
	I thought I had four in mind.
	Hustlers, Charlie's Angels.
	I already had part one and part two.
	No, no, no.
	Anyway, we'll figure that out.
	Maybe we'll break into the studio on Thursday and come back here.
	Bet DSI 15 minutes in.
	Is it?
	Or is it Blue Chew?
	Is it Blue Chew?
	Yeah.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Blue Chew.
	Blue Chew Red Pill.
	Blue Chew.
	Blue Chew has been our sponsor since the beginning.
	And thank you to these guys.
	This is sort of how you build a pirate ship is you have loyal sponsors who support you.
	Blue Chew is essentially what Viagra is.
	It's everything like that, but without the exorbitant costs.
	You can go onto the site.
	You should show the site.
	You can go onto the site and a medical professional will talk to you and decide if you're eligible.
	And then they will send it to you in a very discreet package.
	Now, if you use the promo code Gavin, you get 15% off.
	You also get free delivery.
	I don't understand why you wouldn't do this.
	No, wait a minute.
	You pay for delivery for shipping and the pills are free.
	That's all you pay is the shipping.
	Yes.
	All you pay is the shipping.
	So shouldn't you just have it safe?
	Even if you're not Mr. Flaccid, shouldn't you just be prepared for that?
	It's like having a generator.
	And if there's one thing we've learned from coronavirus, it's that you should have a generator for your home.
	You have to be prepared.
	Are you prepared?
	I don't care if you're married, single, dating, in a relationship.
	For that special time, you have to be ready to rock.
	Now, you partiers who are going out till all hours, you need it more than anyone else.
	So please go to bluechew.com, use promo code Gavin, get a fantastic rebate.
	You get a shipment free, but you have to pay for the shipping.
	So you get the actual Blue Chew free.
	And then you're safe.
	Maybe you don't use it for six months.
	I haven't used my generator in years, but it's there.
	It's hard to get hard when there's widespread panic.
	And we need to procreate so that way humanity doesn't die off.
	That's an angle I had not thought of.
	A bloody angle.
	Also, before we get to Gail Godot, is it Gal Godot or Gail?
	I think it's Gale.
	Gal.
	What kind of name is Gal?
	I don't know.
	It's just like dude.
	Dude Rivera.
	That's like being named Bum.
	You're a bum, Charlie.
	None of the gals like you.
	You're on a one-way ticket to Palocalle.
	Guy Pierce.
	That guy's named Guy.
	Oh, yeah.
	Guy Pierce and Gal.
	Guys and gals.
	They have a podcast they're doing, Guy and Gal.
	Actually, when I saw this video we're about to watch, I thought a friend of mine was saying, oh, don't you miss Kumeo and Mindy Kaling?
	But yeah, they would be perfect for this.
	I'm surprised they're not in it, but I think it's all gals pals.
	But anyway, before we get to that, also in Censored.tv news, Copper Cab is determined to fight Alex Jones.
	And he's already in training for it.
	Now, I don't think Alex Jones has agreed to do this yet, but I know Alex.
	And he would happily fight anyone at any time.
	Yes, he would.
	In fact, he often begs me to punch him three times so he can punch me once.
	And punching him feels like punching a radiator.
	It hurts like hell.
	And when he punches you, it feels like the SWAT team is using a battering ram to open your front door.
	It fucking kills.
	What does punching Copper Cab feel like?
	That is also very unique.
	I fought a lot of guys, a lot of big guys.
	And one of my top sparring partners at the gym, Tommy Fatso, I fight him.
	And even though he's got like, he doesn't have a six back, he's got like a belly.
	Still, when you punch it, you feel like you're hitting something solid.
	But, oh my God, punching Copper Cab, I said it before.
	It's like a shower curtain.
	Like you just go through flab.
	I think he must have lost a ton of weight recently because nothing stops you.
	And his punches are so slow.
	I didn't know that he was such a shitty fighter when he originally pitched this fight to me.
	So I was pretty nervous.
	Like when I spar at the gym, I get the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis.
	And they're all smaller than Copper Cab.
	Copper Cab's a big boy.
	So I thought, uh-oh, here we go.
	And it was pathetic.
	It was so easy to skip, to deke out his punches.
	So that is Copper Cab fighting Alex Jones.
	We don't know when that's going to happen, but we're very excited about it.
	And then also Milo, this isn't in the future, this is in the past.
	He did a debate special, the Democratic Debates that no one watched because it's two angry old men screaming at each other.
	He did that with Uncle Tony.
	That's Uncle Tony, right?
	Uncle Tony Redpill.
	Uncle Tony Redpill.
	Ironic that Red Pill's our main sponsor of this show.
	You're going to go downtown and get your butt cheeks divided.
	I wrote that.
	Remember that?
	He was at the He Would Not Divide Us thing.
	Oh, yeah.
	He got the viral video with him and Greek Tony.
	Greg the Greek.
	Yeah.
	I thought they were, those two were inseparable.
	Eh, they kind of, No.
	Yeah, it happens.
	No!
	It happens.
	No, it happens with Trump derangement syndrome, but they both love Trump.
	They probably argued over whose mom's sauce was better.
	Ah, they're not friends no more.
	That hurts.
	That makes me sad.
	That really does.
	Yeah.
	I think they're good.
	No, they're not good.
	They're not good, are they?
	No, those guys were inseparable.
	Now they're separating their butt cheeks.
	All right, so let's finally get to this.
	Oh, then we got Biggs was doing the whole episode on coronavirus.
	Soph does an entire thing about conspiracies.
	And John Miranda does a whole show about how, like, not a whole show, but about how Republicans can't get the Latino vote.
	He chastises them for not getting Latino, but he says it's easy.
	It should be easy.
	Just focus on their Catholicism.
	Hey, guys, we're pro-life, and we don't like Drag Queen Story Hour.
	Join us.
	And Gary's mailbag, of course, was a gem.
	Gary's mailbag, you shot one without me today.
	Yes.
	Yeah, it went pretty good.
	I'm looking forward to seeing that.
	Yes.
	How'd you guys get along?
	Great.
	I understand he brought you some grain?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I got to bring it to my house.
	Don't forget.
	It's over there.
	Just throw it in the garbage, dude.
	I can't.
	That's really mean.
	No, it's not.
	He hauled it all the way from, I don't even know where.
	I don't know how.
	When a bum gives you a bag of grain.
	That's like right out of Jack and the Beanstalk.
	Yeah, it does sound very fairy.
	It's going to grow 600 feet high and have a giant in it.
	But here's the thing.
	He doesn't know anything about what's going on right now.
	He doesn't notice.
	He's like, wow.
	I guess he thinks every day is Sunday.
	Oh, he doesn't watch the news, right?
	So he just thinks, oh, that streets are deserted.
	So this is a sign.
	That's why it's a sign.
	He's bringing me sustainable dry goods in a time when I need it the most, and he doesn't know why that's important.
	So I'm going to keep it.
	You know, if God was going to communicate with someone, it should be someone who's a little touched.
	Touched, yes.
	Like Stephen Colbert.
	All right, let's get to this.
	We're finally ready.
	Hey, YouTube, are you going to fuck me for this?
	Is this some sort of, does CBS own this?
	Okay.
	Her forehead's a little large.
	Ladies, if your forehead is more than a four and it's like a five head or a six head, get some bangs.
	The Lord made provisions for that.
	Don't you think that's like an inch too much?
	I think so.
	You know, in Korea, they see a small forehead as very ugly.
	Like if a girl meets a guy and his forehead's like this, it's over.
	That sucks.
	So she'd be hot in Korea.
	And believe me, she's hot here.
	But that's just a minor complaint.
	And here's another thing.
	Wait, let me say one more thing.
	You know, Canadians, and I love my people, I'm Canadian, but Canadians can be very corny.
	And when you're watching a show that's Canadian, you're just like, something's kind of off.
	The lighting is kind of wrong.
	There's something, I'm sorry, but kind of uncool about my people, Canadians.
	And yeah, sorry.
	Our country's a tenth the size of yours as far as finances and population.
	Sometimes our shit looks a little half-assed and cheap, and not wearing sunglasses.
	Did you see Trudeau getting his coat before this before the press conference?
	No.
	Okay, I'll show you that.
	It sucks.
	Israel is twice that corniness.
	Like on Halloween, or is it no, Purim, right?
	Which is the Jewish Halloween.
	In Israel, I was there at the time, and you're looking at costumes going, a cowboy?
	You're just a cowboy?
	Like, they don't get culture.
	There's no humor in their costumes.
	That's probably American Purim, or is that Jerusalem?
	Yeah, look, someone has a cowboy hat on, and someone's a surgeon.
	The Hasids doing it is kind of different.
	I'm talking about normal mainstream Orthodox Jews in Israel dressing up for their Halloween.
	And they just, it's super fucking corny.
	And they're still into rave music and stuff.
	I love my Israelis.
	Don't get me wrong.
	But that, I'm just trying to explain the Gal Gadot thing where she doesn't get how unbelievably cheesy it is to get a bunch of celebrities together.
	So she's coming at it from a cornball angle because she comes from a country that's uncool.
	I'm sorry, Israel.
	You're not cool.
	Not a lot of countries are cool if it's any constellation.
	But the rest of the people in the video are coming at it from a people give a shit about us and think that we have something important to say.
	So it's two different angles.
	I just thought I should explain that.
	In self-quarantine, and I gotta say, these past few days got me feeling a bit philosophical.
	Why are Israeli Jews so much hotter than American Jews?
	It affected the entire world.
	Everyone.
	I had no idea.
	Who you are, where you're from.
	Black, white.
	And I saw, I ran into this video of this Italian guy playing the trumpet in his balcony.
	Yeah, that wasn't corny.
	To all the other people who were locked inside their homes.
	You'll notice, by the way, the trumpet guy was doing it not knowing he was filmed and doing it to his fellow, to the people in the surrounding buildings.
	Gal and her friends have to do this staring at their fucking phones.
	Me, me, me.
	Something so powerful and pure.
	And I thought I can do something powerful in this.
	Imagine how powerful and pure her pussy is.
	It probably gobbles your phallus.
	It's going to get me kicked out.
	How would it do that?
	Well, it would be late.
	You think it actually moves?
	Yeah.
	That seems crazy.
	Grips it.
	That seems crazy and a bunch of people.
	Yeah, imagine a horse barfing in reverse.
	With no teeth, hopefully.
	Yeah, a toothless horse barfing in reverse is what it's like to bone this gal.
	Can we stop hearing this?
	Oh, here we go.
	Oh, heaven.
	It's easy if you don't.
	You're dead to me, Kristen Wigg.
	No hell.
	I had to look this guy up.
	He's a model.
	He's a male model.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	For what?
	Average guys anonymous?
	He models people's buttholes.
	And this guy is some British rapper no one's heard of.
	That was a little bad.
	I'm sorry.
	That's here.
	That's what I was trying to channel when I did it.
	It seems like he's missing teeth.
	Bobazon Liska.
	What is a working-class jacket to Carhart?
	Imagine all the people.
	Who is that?
	That's, I think, a model too.
	No, he's an actor.
	He was in Sonic the Hedgehog.
	Oh, gross.
	Main character.
	I hate celebrities' nostrils.
	Oh, wow.
	I did not notice that.
	They're so prominent.
	You know, because their features have to emote.
	So they have like these lips and these nostrils and these eyeballs and these cowcatcher chins.
	Told me it's almost a parody of facial features.
	Yeah, it's too much.
	It's like someone is drawing with a crayon and they're really pushing down hard.
	Oh.
	What happened?
	I double-clicked.
	Hey, guys.
	Hi, gal.
	You hear me?
	Oh, yeah.
	All the people for today.
	You hear me?
	Pause.
	Yeah.
	So, Sarah has this thing.
	I'm a little cute little girl.
	It's almost like Adam Carollo's, no, Adam Sandler's little woo-hoo-goo guy.
	What is that?
	You do that back.
	And Sarah has this, like, I'm just like a little stone girl in overalls and Chuck Taylor's jellyfish.
	Just trying to get through the day, making fun of Jesus and making cum jokes about Christians.
	Don't mind me.
	That's why she was so perfect in that cartoon where she was the princess.
	You know that movie?
	Wreck-It Ralph.
	Oh, okay, gotcha.
	She was just a little silly princess.
	And then she realizes she can't sing, so she does this faux, humble, like, I can't really do the high parts, so I'll exaggerate it.
	Comic relief.
	Who the fuck is this?
	Is this someone's kid?
	Who is this guy?
	I mean, technically it has to be.
	Is this like a snowboarder?
	Sure.
	I could buy that.
	It's some random...
	Yeah, that's a little brother.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	I don't know.
	Those kids, my son's, my oldest boy's 11.
	I'm going to start having these fucking twats in my kitchen soon.
	You usually know who people are, too, so I was kind of looking forward to you telling me who this was.
	I don't, I have no fucking clue who that little snowboarding pothead is, but he sure loves himself.
	No countries, yeah.
	Oh my God, I can listen that a thousand times.
	Imagine there is no countries, yeah.
	It is.
	No countries, yeah.
	He's Ray Charles meets fucking Nina Simone.
	Oh, man.
	What a fucking retime.
	The left can't do any song thing like complications.
	They're so unaware.
	They are so self-unaware.
	Like that.
	This is a fight song.
	This is a fight.
	Which, of course, was Elizabeth Banks.
	This one's for Hillary.
	Boop, boop, boop, ba-doop, bop, boop, boop, boop, boop, ba-doop.
	I'm a big wave on an ocean.
	Like I was saying I were.
	And it's this.
	I can start an explosion.
	Just like Sarah Silverman did the comic relief.
	He's like, I can start an explosion.
	I have the douche chilling.
	I'm douche chilling myself.
	I have, like, I could show you.
	They're on my arm.
	Wait, I got no autofocus, but just trust me.
	Whatever.
	Then there's this fucking nostril festival.
	Who the fuck are you?
	Jimmy Fallon.
	Nothing to kill.
	It isn't hard to die.
	Oh, it's Jimmy Fallon.
	Yeah.
	Playing it safe.
	I saw he was in it.
	I read he was in it, and I thought he must have had himself pulled out when he saw the final result.
	It isn't hard to do.
	Nothing to kill or die for.
	Nothing like to kill or die for.
	Meanwhile, we've heard this song with the most perfect production in the world.
	So they're giving us this shit version of a song that we've all heard a million times done perfectly by one of the greatest musicians of all time.
	Like, here, how about this?
	Nothing to kill or die for, you guys.
	Nothing to kill or die for.
	You suck.
	I'm going to add every one of their segments on this.
	Why did Moby fuck you?
	And then who's this?
	Is that Zendaya next or Zoe Kravitz or someone?
	Nothing to kill or die for.
	Or die for.
	This is my favorite one.
	I don't know.
	Anorligento.
	What is this?
	AMSR or whatever?
	Anorligento.
	This really.
	Hey, when Gal sends you, you don't have to do it.
	It's not like, hey, this is going to raise a lot of money for kids with severe face burns.
	Oh, shit.
	Okay, I'll do it.
	Hi, imagine all the people.
	This is just a random, idiotic act of kindness from some cornball Israeli chick, and it's not raising any money.
	Like Kumail and his ugly girlfriend have this podcast out, and it's a temporary podcast, and they're sending all the money from their podcast to charity.
	I'd be stunned if they raised a thousand bucks.
	You got plenty of money in the bank there, Mr. Ript.
	Why don't you, your girlfriend and her big nose, both of your big noses, just donate a thousand bucks?
	No, because we'd rather showboat and make it about us.
	Fuck, that guy is a turd.
	Look at his eyebrows.
	Yeah, it's always like, huh?
	What the...
	Should we finish the video on this side or should we...
	Meaning we're going to kill ourselves.
	Oh.
	To get back to Red Pill, it's a coffee company.
	It's a coffee company, but it's a way of life.
	We're yet to sample their wares.
	They just started with us today, but we're very excited about this.
	I think I'm going to start going by country.
	Not decaf, but I want to try Italian, French.
	You know what we should do?
	You know what would be great for them?
	Do a taste test?
	A little taste test.
	That's better than sitting there lying saying, I just bought it and it was awesome.
	It'd be cool to do a taste test.
	Which one do you like the best and see which one it is?
	Do a reveal.
	We'll do like a little competition.
	Now, that's fun.
	That is fun.
	That's fun.
	But we'll pre-record it.
	You know why?
	Why?
	I don't like having coffee after noon.
	Oh, that's true.
	Yes.
	I do.
	I can have coffee all day.
	One of my rules.
	Dude, I found some Adderall today in my medicine cabinet.
	This is the perfect time for Adderall.
	My daughter was having trouble with her homework, which was fucking hard.
	Which subject?
	Oh, algebra?
	She's 13.
	It was like 10x plus 3y equals 16.
	And then 4y equals 10x, then in brackets, 2 plus 3y, end a bracket.
	That's all I'm telling you.
	So you have to sort of isolate y in one of the equations and then plug it into the other equation to get one of the variables and then use that answer to go back to the original equation, get the other variable.
	I got it wrong like twice and the fucking paperwork.
	I mean, I had like 16 pages.
	I'm not exaggerating.
	I had eight pages and I write small.
	I go, this is fucking hard.
	But the blue pill got me through it.
	Then I put my, my son has these baseballs that he has signed, got them up on the wall, mounted.
	I got him this case for all his baseballs.
	He's got, oh, there we go.
	And I said, this made me so fucking mad.
	And thank God I'm not taking testosterone anymore because it would have punched a hole through a wall.
	I said, put the name of the person on the ball.
	He goes, no, I can't.
	I can't wreck the ball.
	No, shithead.
	No, you have to.
	Write it on a post-it note part, the sticky part, super small, like Ahmed Rosario, right?
	Then you cut that out and just stick it on the back.
	Post-it note glue is very ungluey.
	And he goes, No, I can remember them all.
	And I go, Really?
	He had forgotten at least three of those fuckers.
	Yeah, and you have to know to identify it for.
	Yeah, like they see the one in the middle with no signature, New York Mets Foundation.
	That's a Granderson home run.
	But the one with the top middle there, with no signature on it.
	Okay, yeah, yeah.
	Or the Rawlings.
	Right.
	But the one next to it with that fat looking D and then the F, I go, who's this?
	And he goes, I don't know.
	And I go, you know what, buddy?
	I don't mind when you do things that are wrong or you make mistakes.
	That's life.
	But it's when I predict the mistake and then the mistake is made that I get pissed off.
	And I knew this was going to happen.
	You told me to ignore, you ignored my advice and now we're stuck and we don't know who the fuck this is.
	I hate when people that can't do that, they can't admit that the advice is there and then they wind up doing something wrong anyway.
	One of these days, Alice, to the moon.
	But anyway, here's something, a little strange side note here.
	So I took a picture of that ball.
	I sent it to Don Camilla, Anthony Camilla's sister.
	I put it on Parlor where I have about 23,000 followers.
	Then I put it on Telegram where I only have 9,000 followers.
	Don Camilla put it on her Facebook page and she got it immediately, John Franco.
	Telegram had nothing for me and I only got a few comments.
	Telegram also solved it in Seconds Flat with like nine comments.
	Or no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
	22 comments.
	So Telegram has a third of the followers, yet it seems way more effective.
	And I prefer Parlor.
	It's more aesthetic.
	It's more user-friendly.
	So that's, I'm going to, I know the guy who runs Parlor.
	I'm going to ask him about that.
	We did a cool interview with him.
	He knows nothing about social media.
	Celebrity.
	Pop culture.
	Yeah.
	Nothing about social media.
	As he runs a social media.
	All right.
	So back to redpillliving.com.
	We're going to do a taste test with them, and we'd like you to do the same.
	Please check them out.
	Please support them.
	They are a new sponsor here.
	And when you support our sponsors, you're supporting free speech.
	So use promo code Gavin15 and try this coffee.
	Give it a whirl.
	They've got the beans, as Mocha Joe would say.
	They've got the beans.
	This is where Larry David gets his beans for, what's his Latte Larry's.
	Fucking curb your enthusiasm.
	Don't sleep on it.
	It keeps getting better every year.
	This new season is so good.
	It's like the Sopranos where I'm like, don't end, don't end, don't end.
	I don't want to look at the time because I cherish every moment of it.
	You fuck it up, Mocha Joe.
	The Mocha Joe.
	Oh, yeah, that's one thing annoying, though.
	His best friend, what's his name?
	J.B. Smoove.
	J.B. Smooth.
	You know how old Jewish billionaires love hanging out with ghetto blacks and just eating licorice and shooting the shit?
	You know how that happens all the time?
	I'm not familiar with that, but I'm not a rich man.
	I'm not familiar with that trend.
	Is that big?
	Does Bloomberg live with fucking EZE?
	Is that a thing?
	That'd be pretty cool.
	No, it's not a thing.
	But it looks good on you.
	And he's got a Puerto Rican woman's necklace, which you pointed out.
	Well, that really pissed me off, too.
	Maybe JB Smooth is a wigger.
	Oh.
	Well, dude, he drives around RVs.
	He's dressed like, I mean, like a...
	That's a Puerto Rican girl thing to do.
	That's a Hispanic female thing.
	It's not what men do.
	It's sort of like when, what's his name?
	Isn't he also named Smooth?
	No, Sway.
	Sway from MTV would have his dreads up in a big thing.
	And I'm watching going, dude, that's what African and Jamaican women do.
	Women.
	Or when Krusty Punks will have their tattoo here, like dudes will have a goatee of Maori tribe here.
	And I'm looking at them going, that's what a Maori wife wears to show that she's married to a man.
	He doesn't do it anymore.
	I think you heard me making fun of him.
	I think he wears just a beanie now.
	No, this is his current look.
	I know.
	He's got the beanie, not the thing.
	No, but there was a while there we would have a you'd have all these dreads in this big Dr. Zeus hat, which is a fucking female thing to do.
	It looked so stupid.
	No, that's not it.
	It was like Marge Simpson-sized.
	Anyway, so that's the end of that.
	We've already ended the episode.
	Oh, it's done?
	We cut it off?
	Well, we ended the free episode.
	Oh, okay.
	So we didn't do the get fired and the.
	Yeah, I guess get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting, throw the papers.
	Whatever.
	I like the idea of cutting the static.
	But I also called JB Smooth a wigger.
	That might get me banned.
	Fuck.
	I'm not.
	I'm done giving a shit about Facebook.
	I mean, YouTube.
	All right, let's finish this imagine thing.
	I know relief.
	Imagine all.
	Oh, this is Saya.
	Or what's her name, Maya?
	I think it is Saya.
	Saya, yeah.
	Or Sia?
	Did she do two?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	She nailed it, but you can't do that.
	Imagine all the people.
	But it's not a gospel song.
	It's a groovy, hippie Beatles song.
	It's not like, oh, yeah, yeah.
	That's like me soloing on Ben on the Run if I had the opportunity to cover it.
	It's like, no, it's not.
	Showing off.
	What's like showing off?
	Living for today.
	Shut up.
	That's Linda Carter wearing lots of makeup.
	Her lips are still falling off.
	You look pretty unsure yourself.
	Amy Carter or something?
	No.
	Something like that.
	She was Superman's.
	She was Lois Lane in the new Superman.
	Yeah, she was in every fucking movie in the world for a while.
	Is that the one?
	The Arrival and Hustler.
	Oh.
	American Hustle or whatever.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	She had a moment.
	There was a while there where you just see her in every single fucking movie.
	I don't think celebrities should exist.
	Just get actors from theater school.
	It pulls me out of it.
	That was so, what was so great about 1917.
	The only time I got pulled out of it was when I saw fucking Cumber Buttstain, Cumber Benedict Cumberstain pop up and go, you're not going back there.
	Why are you reading your phone at work?
	Your phone should be off.
	Kale says, can't call in, but the reason there's a JB Smooth in Curb is because of Larry Charles.
	He looked out at the right place, right time, became a writer for Seinfeld, really great writer, decent director, whatever.
	But he's obsessed with blacks and being cool to liberals, and he writes, produces, directs on Curbs too.
	Ah, so Larry Charles is one of those black-loving Jewish sycophants.
	He wants to be down.
	And that's fine, but hang out with them.
	This is what pisses me off about people who ask like blacks.
	You want to ask like blacks?
	They're in the Bronx.
	Go.
	Be merry.
	Go to black clubs.
	Come to my boxing gym.
	Speak to blacks.
	They'd love to have you.
	They're a very sociable demographic.
	No, I'd rather like them from afar.
	Why are you looking at Billy Crystal?
	He's so bad with that.
	He goes out in his stand-up and he's like, you know, in New Orleans, and he does this in the press.
	He's really bad at that.
	Yeah, I guess he has it too.
	He has that character he does that's like, Jazz Joe.
	Yeah.
	And I don't know.
	Maybe his fans love it, but it's so fucking gay when he comes out there and he's like, yeah, I want to go to New Orleans.
	I just love them Jazzy Blues.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	We got to dig him up now.
	Oh, the Billy Crystal?
	Yeah.
	You dig it?
	You did you could.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's it.
	You clearly have never spoken to Negroes.
	They don't talk like that.
	I think I've seen him in Blackface doing it.
	He definitely was in Blackface when he was Sammy Davis Jr.
	Oh, yes.
	But like, the character he's doing, I don't think he ever met.
	I think it's going to be a little hard to find, but.
	No, just find the name of the character.
	Didn't you also say you were going to show me something?
	Oh, Justin Trudeau.
	Yep.
	He was doing this press conference.
	No, no, no.
	I want to see Billy Crystal first.
	All right.
	Let me see.
	Billy Crystal Jazz.
	Just look up.
	Why do I got to tell you how to fucking Google shit?
	I put black impressions.
	No, his fans aren't going to call him that.
	This one keeps coming up.
	Jazzman Hurricane Katrina.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Yeah, this is it.
	Jazzman.
	I think he did Jazzman for the whole time.
	Now, during the war, the funeral business was sad, but steady.
	I was 16 when I marched down the street when my dad come home from the war.
	My dad come home from the war.
	The American flag draped his car.
	dad was one of the oldest symbols.
	Oh, that's the only time the taps was ever played on the clarinet.
	And it was her mother.
	I was waiting for the cemetery.
	And every time I would stretch by the street, right, I would see this beautiful girl.
	Beautiful.
	Sweet looking dress on the porch, and she would smile.
	Oh, my God.
	This is a real douche chill episode.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Her name was Marjorie Green.
	I think I want to see video.
	Look up Billy Crystal Jazzman.
	HBO Sundays.
	700 Sundays.
	I remember watching it.
	I got it right here.
	Let me see.
	I was an old jazz man.
	First times an audience has heard me say came the first American comedian to perform in the then Soviet Union.
	Oh, there we go.
	There we go.
	There we go.
	Can you dig that?
	I knew that you could.
	Yeah.
	Life has just been for this.
	Can you dig that?
	I'm going to do a Larry Barnes.
	Vice versa.
	Burst.
	Vice.
	That was a fight in the parking lot.
	I'm going to wear a blackface and do Larry Barnes.
	It'll be my character fighting Larry.
	And I won't give him any of the proceeds.
	And he'll just be watching TV one day and they'll all be on HBO going, that's a fight in the parking lot.
	You were dope.
	The whole front row took a shower.
	Motherfucker.
	Amy asked.
	Someday we'll join you and the world.
	I'll join you.
	Where are you?
	Who are you?
	Galaxy Doe's black friend.
	Who's joining me here?
	Yeah.
	Imagine no possessions.
	Ugh, that guy's dead to me.
	Like all of these, I'm getting hot.
	Who is that?
	It's getting stuffy in here.
	We're showing so much cringe.
	Douchiness heats.
	It's a heating element.
	It's getting hot.
	Hot douche.
	I wonder if he has to be able to get it.
	Oh, Chris O'Dowd.
	I fucking hate that guy.
	I had an argument with him on Twitter once because I go, I'm watching bridesmaids and there's an Irish cop like with an accent in a small town.
	You need to be a citizen to become a cop.
	How did you...
	Yeah, because there's plenty of Hispanics with accents who were born here.
	What are you talking about?
	I wonder if you care.
	No need for greed.
	Thank you, Will Farrell, for ruining stepbrothers for us forever.
	Will Farrell's dead to me now.
	I used to like Christian Wig a bit.
	I used to obviously like Will Farrell.
	Now they're both corpses on my front lawn with 30 odd six shells lying on the ground.
	He killed Ron Burgundy, for us.
	I never liked Ron Burgundy.
	Me neither.
	Of course, I didn't.
	You're making fun of like 80s newscasters.
	No one ever looked up to them.
	So it's a dumb target.
	It's like that movie, The Folk movie, that they did, the Waiting for Guffman guys did.
	Like, I like making fun of people who are in drama and they think they're going to be movie stars.
	That's a good target.
	But like geriatric folk heroes or best in show when they're making fun of, you don't have to find all these, the dog show people.
	Yeah, they're sad, lonely people who overgroom their dogs.
	I don't enjoy laughing at them.
	Oh, of course, Mark Rufflo's the worst.
	Brotherhood of man.
	Do you think you think he nailed it?
	Yeah, but look at his smile.
	That's what really makes me puke.
	And hunger.
	Brotherhood of man.
	It looks like he has Lego glasses on, too.
	Like, why are his glasses even douchey?
	He is wonderful.
	I've hated him since when I lived upstate in the Catskills.
	He lived nearby.
	And he pushed everyone to stop fracking, which worked.
	They didn't frack.
	They didn't jeopardize his water table.
	And the potential for jobs in the Catskills went right down the toilet thanks to this fuck.
	And people were left with welfare, opioids, and going to Afghanistan.
	Thanks, Mark.
	Thanks for fighting for a possible water table infection.
	The good of man.
	Sharing all the way.
	What's her name?
	Nora Simone?
	Nora Jones?
	Nora Jones.
	Oh, okay.
	You're a stupid dog.
	They say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
	What the fuck is that?
	I don't know what anything happened.
	What are you?
	Someday.
	Maya, you need to get up before everyone else at five in the morning and start spending two hours on makeup.
	She has gone down the tubes.
	Join us.
	She's a fighter.
	And the world will be home.
	Look, Jews have horns.
	Oh, wow.
	I told you.
	Weird.
	Started with Moses.
	No one listened.
	We'll be as one.
	Hey, guys.
	I think we should do that with everybody we know.
	Has that been done already?
	Why don't we do a different song, though, like Back in Black?
	Because I'm back in Black.
	I hit the sack.
	No need to get me back.
	I've got nine lives.
	Cat's eyes.
	Oh, that's a perfect song.
	Because then you go, hey, hey, hey, hey.
	You do that part that has no words.
	Yeah.
	The hey, hey, hey, hey part.
	Let's do that.
	Let's get...
	That's a good...
	We'll get all our celebrity friends.
	Wait, do we know that many people?
	To do back in black.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm back in black.
	Do we make it sound like the thing?
	Nope.
	I'm back in back.
	I hit the set.
	Some people can.
	You want to see this?
	Yeah.
	It's douchey.
	I love your little beard there, Justin.
	I'm going to go grab my coat and I'll be right back.
	Oh, there we go.
	I'm supposed to model healthy behavior.
	I'm going to go grab my coat and I'll be right back.
	It's not even snowing.
	Oh, my God.
	What a fucking pussy.
	This happens.
	He goes to get his coat.
	He can't be chilly for four minutes?
	Modeling good behavior is.
	It's nice and sunny, but a little brisk.
	A little cold.
	Dude.
	That guy is such a pussy that I feel gay because I want to stick my dick in him.
	That's way more complicated than what I think about him, but I guess I understand.
	Justin Chudeau is such a pussy that when I look at him, I go, because I want to eat him out.
	I want to lick his face till he comes.
	He's so effeminate that I could bone him and I think I'd be straighter after that.
	Way to ruin my jokes.
	Matthew McConaughey, speaking of douche, this is a little off topic, but he too.
	Remember what he said when his Instagram when he started?
	I want to have a dialogue.
	I'm just not sure I want to have a conversation, but you got to have a conversation to have a dialogue.
	McConaughey here, just want to say in these crazy times that we're in with the coronavirus, let's take care of ourselves and each other.
	Let's not go to the lowest common denominator and get paranoid.
	Let's do our due diligence, take the precautions we need to take care of ourselves.
	Who the fuck is asking Matthew McConaughey for advice?
	We're dependent on each other than we ever have been.
	But we have an enemy in the coronavirus that is faceless, that is raceless, sexless, nonsense.
	Just pause.
	Did you notice Gal Godot said this too?
	They have to make it about fucking race all the time.
	They were doing that with Trump.
	Like they won't shut up about the fucking Chinese virus and how Chinese people have had dozens of reports of bias.
	Dude, if someone with a mustache started a global pandemic, I would understand people yelling from their car, nice mustache, dick, and them calling it the mustache virus.
	I'd be sitting at home going, thanks, mustache asshole.
	Fuck.
	You made the rest of us look like dicks.
	Another one coming in and says, I gets mine is what it says.
	Okay, now that's even gayer.
	You have a woman's necklace that talks about how much cock you got.
	Sorry, Jeremy, you idiot.
	Thanks for writing in, though.
	They always do this self-effacing thing where they're like, we kind of have to work together here a little bit.
	You know what I mean?
	Just a smidge.
	And it's an enemy that we all agree.
	We're going to beat.
	We want to beat, and we're going to beat them.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So in this time when people are going to move on, the economy is going to be in shambles for who knows how long.
	Just pause.
	This is in high school when I was dumping a girl.
	This is how I would explain.
	This would be the bullshit yarn that you deserve someone better than me, all right?
	You're at a point now in your life where you're out there, you're striving, you're so fucking smart.
	Your photography is incredible.
	And I feel like I'm holding you back because I'm muddled up in my head and I'm going through some things that I don't even quite understand myself.
	So, I'm gonna be fucking other chicks that are hotter than you, and you need to get the fuck out of my life.
	And I'll be your friend.
	I'll be there with you.
	I want to see you do better.
	Because I do care about you.
	You and I are still going to be best friends.
	Just not.
	Just the sex thing is hurting you.
	So I'm taking it out of the equation.
	There's a green light on the other side of this red light that we're in right now.
	Yeah, it's Matthew McConaughey dumping me.
	Wait, what are you talking about?
	So you don't, I can't stay here anymore?
	What are you talking about?
	No, you gotta go.
	That green light is going to be built upon the values that we can enact right now.
	No, no, I don't want to go in the green light.
	I want to stay with you, Matt.
	I want to stay in the red light.
	Red light, red light.
	I love you.
	Kindness, accountability, resilience, respect.
	Yeah, let's do that together.
	Courage.
	Okay, I want to be brave with you by my side.
	We practice those things right now.
	Yes, I will practice them.
	When we get out of this, this virus, this time, might be the one time that brings us all together.
	Why are you calling our relationship a virus?
	And why do we have to separate to come back together later?
	Why separate at all?
	I want to be with you.
	Buys us like we have not been in a long time.
	So, we have been kind of disappointed.
	Let's see if we can make some lemonade out of this lemon that we're in the middle of.
	Trying to red light to me.
	Hey, I guess I'll pack up my shit.
	Just keep living.
	Okay, I'm going to keep living.
	We are getting back together?
	I think that's what he meant by the.
	That's banging.
	Come on.
	So get your shit out of here.
	I got a girl coming in from Japan, and I'm very excited about it, but you are bringing me down.
	Apparently, he talks like the beaver from Winnie the Pooh.
	I kind of noticed that too.
	His S's are sounds like a cardinal is chirping every time he says S's.
	I'm not a five-year-old, so I'm not familiar with the beaver from Winnie the Pooh.
	I'm sure he's awesome.
	He whistles every time he talks.
	Let's find him.
	Oh, that's such gross.
	That's a gopher.
	Do you know what a beaver is?
	I was just thinking.
	What about?
	I know about that.
	He sounds like a high school kid dumping a chick who's stupid.
	All right.
	There's been a lot of Corona songs out on the streets.
	I don't know how they put this together so fast, but this gentleman has a Corona bona.
	This is, what's his name?
	Little Covid?
	Little COVID, Corona.
	Bibes, so sunny.
	How are you feeling?
	Is she British?
	Did he have his hand down the front of his pants?
	I've seen black guys in Brooklyn do that.
	Pisses me off.
	Is it the Al Bundy?
	So they can stay on YouTube.
	Yeah, what?
	Is that the disease that gives your butt cheeks eyes?
	Dirty gal, you give me a kiss.
	Give me a corona bona.
	I guarantee you that guy is British or Canadian and white.
	And that's why he's covered up 100% of his body, including his hands, because he wants you to think he's Jamaican.
	Ah.
	Yeah.
	Alright, that song sucks.
	How about Dwayne Black?
	What's his Corona bona?
	Oh my god, I actually I got a corona bona during that song.
	Yes.
	You as well.
	You as well.
	Did you time save this on purpose?
	No?
	Oh.
	The latest on the novel Coronavirus.
	The government's.
	You don't have to show all this.
	What are you doing?
	Beer grabbing?
	I guess this is What?
	What?
	Ill, ill, ill, ill I just be ill, ill, ill I feelin'shit when I'm sober Ain't got a pill, pill, pill I feelin'shit like Corona I just be ill, ill, ill You bring the peanut whiskey over?
	Yeah, there's no more good.
	That might go be peanuts whiskey.
	The fun.
	I couldn't want anything less.
	I hate scotch.
	I don't think it's scotch.
	I know, but peanut and then way down the line is peanut whiskey.
	Wait, I can't really hear this song.
	When I hit it, feel like when I go out back.
	When I pull up, you don't want to come back.
	Little bitty, try to give a contact.
	I said a word, but I never called back.
	I'm sick as I don't need a contract.
	When I come up, you better fall back.
	Because I'ma think she like a boss at.
	When you see you, don't know where your boss at.
	No one's in the end of the day.
	I don't want to be careful.
	Everyone's not going to be able to leave.
	Everyone's in the house, play a game.
	The world's in the world's in the world.
	Is there a place to go?
	Where are you going?
	The world's in the world.
	I'm going to take a deep breath.
	If you're If you're trying to be a badass and saying I'll fuck you up and you're Chinese and you're saying I'm responsible for this, that is pretty badass.
	Yeah.
	Like NWA could only really shoot up parts of South Central and kill maybe 18 people.
	Chinese have killed thousands of people.
	And it is a Chinese disease of difficulty.
	You want to own that and be like, yeah, we're China, bitch.
	You know what happened in Wuhan?
	We kept it silent for how long?
	I wrote it down here.
	Seven months?
	Where is it now?
	Seven months they kept it under wrap.
	Yeah, seven weeks.
	Sorry.
	They kept it under wrap for seven weeks.
	And while they did that, five million people left.
	So you couldn't have spread it any better.
	Yo, for seven weeks, I fucked up people who...
	Yeah, 1-7.
	They arrested people for talking about a brutal kind of a pneumonia that was spreading around.
	Police in central China's Wuhan arrested eight people spreading rumors about a local outbreak of unidentifiable pneumonia on January 2nd.
	Yo, you tried to complain about it.
	We fucked you up.
	And then we sent out 5 million people.
	You are a badass.
	And I have to admit, this was kind of a coming to Jesus moment for me when I realized I'd spent so much time.
	I did bitch about China quite a bit.
	But I spent so much time bitching about ISIS and jihad and radical Islam.
	And these guys are so much more dangerous.
	Communism is so much more dangerous than Islam.
	And that's what brought us this shit.
	China is asshole!
	And by the way, I want them to bring manufacturing back here, obviously, for pharmaceuticals and airplane parts and everything else that's important to our lives and children's toys.
	But it's not as simple as China's making them.
	A lot of these companies in China making the pharmaceuticals are American companies or German companies or French companies.
	They're just using China as their home base.
	So we've really tangled a web here we have to unravel.
	But as John Kinsman said from prison, at least this will raise awareness about it.
	I saw Senk younger, Chink Younger.
	Isn't it funny that his name is Chink and he married a Chinese woman?
	Did he?
	Oh, snap.
	But he was like, was it 18, 18?
	Yeah, my kids are Chinese because my wife is from Taiwan.
	Taiwan isn't really China, my friend.
	So they're seen as very different countries.
	One's capitalist and one is communist.
	But he goes, my wife's from Taiwan, so my kids are half Chinese because they're racist assholes like Trump.
	Their classmates are already blaming them for the virus and asking if they eat bats.
	My nine-year-old son came home and asked me if it was true.
	It's heartbreaking.
	Chinese people eat bats.
	Your son, by the way, who doesn't look Chinese, they look like my kids.
	They look part Asian.
	That was a funny joke I was doing today, by the way, with my daughter.
	She kept fucking up, like a minus number divided by another minus number becomes a plus.
	And then a plus and a minus becomes a minus.
	And then a plus and a plus becomes a plus, whether you multiply them or divide them.
	You have to remember that.
	And I was like, think of it this way.
	I'm white.
	I married an Indian and made you, who is hideous.
	So a negative and a positive got together and they made a negative.
	If I married a white woman, you would be beautiful.
	A negative and a negative would make a positive.
	Similarly, or sorry, a positive and a positive would make a positive.
	Similarly, if mom married an Indian, you'd still be beautiful.
	A negative and a negative make a positive.
	You see how simple it is?
	If you have any doubts, just look in the mirror.
	I can hear my wife in the other room saying, what is he saying?
	Don't listen to him.
	She turns kind of.
	Dude, don't listen.
	I said, look in the mirror.
	And when you feel that feeling like you're going to barf, that should remind you that you're a negative because a positive and a negative got together.
	Anyway, so yeah, the fact that someone asked your kids if they eat bats, that's not that unusual.
	If you were Scottish and someone asked your Scottish kids if they eat haggis, which is a bloated sheep stomach, that's not unusual.
	And it's not that rare, by the way.
	Yes, it's rare for Chinese to eat bats, but Chinese people eat rats in America.
	Go to Chinatown in New York City and you will see live traps this big in Chinatown on Canal Street.
	Live traps this big.
	I've photographed it myself.
	Now, they're not known for their catch and release programs, and there's no real squirrels lurking around Chinatown.
	So that is to catch rats and not kill them.
	They don't want them dead.
	They want to keep them fresh so they can pop them in their mouths.
	So the fact that someone dared ask your son if he eats bats.
	And also, in a global pandemic, the country of origin is going to get some beef.
	And people that also originate loosely with that country are also going to get harassed.
	After Braveheart came out, English kids in Scotland were getting the shit beaten out of them.
	I'm not saying, obviously, anyone deserves it.
	But he got the facts all wrong.
	Well, yeah.
	It's also like that thing yesterday where that woman was saying, there have been dozens of examples of bias.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I'm more worried about the economy going back to the Great Depression because a bunch of lazy communists, a bunch of parents, a bunch of fucking immoral communists prosecuted people who brought this up, ignored it for seven weeks, and let 5 million of their citizens spread.
	Like a Batman villain.
	Oh yeah, so even his school is bullshit.
	His story is bullshit.
	All right.
	Let's keep hearing these songs, though.
	G-Mac Cash.
	Don't we have any Lils?
	I want a Lil.
	Is that a metaphor?
	The camera rolling?
	Just play your fucking song.
	hate rap.
	coughing
	Move, bitch.
	You got coronavirus.
	Oh, shit.
	You got coronavirus You can tell this guy reads a lot of books I ain't finna take a trip with this coronavirus Ooh, bitch, you got coronavirus Ooh, shit, you got coronavirus We ain't finna do shit with this coronavirus I ain't finna take a trip with this coronavirus I'ma chill at the crib cause I'm safe here I ain't even bout to drink me a corona beer I'm bout to stay at the crib for about a year And I ain't coming back out into this shit She's going to hand it to them.
	It's pretty impressive that they got this song recorded, produced, mixed, and shot a video.
	That's really well done.
	The lighting is beautiful.
	Yeah, the video is probably the hardest part.
	You can bang this song out in a couple hours.
	All right, Pretty good, G-Mac.
	Although, your lyrics you do.
	Oh, this guy, Tom McDonald.
	People keep sending me.
	Have you checked this guy out?
	He's pretty fucking badass.
	He's right up your alley.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Someone with 13 balding ponytails is not up my alley.
	The piercings.
	The fuck's on his neck?
	Just pause.
	This whole thing about the only way to eat is to be violent.
	So people are going to be starving to death?
	And they're going to come to my house to get my beans?
	What?
	What the fuck are you talking about?
	Maybe in two years of a quarantine.
	And by the way, I was at Costco today and the shelves are jam-packed.
	Yeah, they restocked.
	I heard it from a lot of people.
	Everything is back to normal, you dummies, with your whole house filled with fucking toilet paper?
	What were you thinking?
	Toilet paper?
	How much diarrhea do you have?
	Rely on the science.
	This is that scientific numerical rap that was so big in the early 90s and fucking late 90s.
	It's a ghost now.
	We're in this together.
	They're closing all the stores now.
	We're heading for shelter.
	Whatever.
	It's the same as the last one, right?
	That's fine.
	Whatever.
	What's D1?
	Corona Clap.
	This is the last one we got here.
	I think that's when you get an STD during the Corona.
	Oh, no.
	It's not.
	Rapper D1.
	Yo, I'm a rapper.
	Do these guys make any money?
	Like, what's D1's annual salary?
	I don't know.
	What does he take home?
	Remember TI in that song Rubber Band Man?
	He's like, I'm worth a couple hundred grand.
	You're like, oh, so like a kindergarten teacher.
	Oh, no.
	Corona.
	He wants love.
	Where Italy at?
	USA at?
	Canada, China.
	We'll play that.
	We're here.
	We're in Manhattan.
	Money making Manhattan.
	Last day ever, maybe.
	But that corona make it hard for a player to breathe.
	Don't wash your hands.
	You might catch it.
	Wash your hands.
	You know what the common theme is?
	Is that left or right or red or blue, we're all in this together?
	That's what everybody's been saying.
	Thanks.
	I didn't know that.
	But it sounds like everybody on my right-wing memes, they're like, this is gonna, the globalists are defeated from this.
	But it kind of sounds like if there is an agenda, it's pushing.
	Maybe the left is losing in this battle.
	So they're like, we're all in this together, guys.
	And the right's like, finally, those globalists get told to fuck off.
	And those of us with ammunition who know how to use guns and who have been stockpiling food for years already be in this together?
	Can you pretend?
	No.
	We're not sharing the cure with you.
	You know, Styx Hexenhammer also made a song called My Corona.
	i like sticks but this is as good as No, thank you.
	Last one, Jojo.
	My daughter was here for Halloween, and I'm so out of touch, I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.
	At the end of the night, she's like, yeah, I was kidding.
	No, this is 2-2.
	Oh.
	Tutu.
	I never thought Corona could be such a nasty bitch.
	But now that she's here, boy, all I want is for you to use time and sense.
	Stay in.
	Just pause.
	This is exactly like the Gal Godot thing where you just say a bunch of platitudes that I know.
	You're younger than me, bitch.
	Stop telling me how to live my life.
	For humanity, I'm dead ass.
	Uh-uh.
	About that, but we will survive.
	So you don't learn how to cook now and practice good hygiene.
	I know you're bored and want to fuck around, but not on me.
	Uh-uh.
	Tell me why your act is so confused when the CDC laid it out for you.
	Come on, I know you're not done.
	Good night.
	Go behind my back and hit the box.
	Jojo.
	Okay, that's enough.
	This is based on JoJo's song that you wrote.
	But is it JoJo Silwa?
	No, that's a different one.
	Oh, this is just JoJo.
	Just Jojo.
	Just JoJo.
	You got to start on the morning.
	Welcome back to the show, Just Jojo, where we investigate all things JoJo.
	We drink two cups of music.
	But speaking of not sharing the cure with you, it sounds like we have one.
	It's chlorine or something?
	2-0.
	They found whatever treats malaria has worked on coronavirus.
	Let's hear that.
	Blaze TV.
	That sounds cool.
	I'd love to be on Blaze TV.
	So what I'm here to report is based on a well-controlled, peer-reviewed clinical study out of the South of Prince by the most eminent infectious disease specialist in the world, Didier Raoult, MDPHD.
	He enrolled 40 patients, which showed a 100% cure rate after taking two generic drugs, hydroxychloroquine and azithromycin.
	100% cure rate against coronavirus within six days.
	The disease was released yesterday morning on my Twitter account, ReganoESQ, and also on COVIDTrial.io and was recently accepted into the International Journal of Anti-Systems.
	We're not all in this together.
	We are in contact with hospitals across the world around the world.
	If he's not on our side, we are all in this together.
	So, what is it that you have?
	What's a gasoline can, Glenn?
	Do we have to have a burn the styles?
	It needs to paint.
	Oh, does he paint?
	I didn't know this till now.
	Yes, he's a painter.
	What can't that man do?
	Wait, go back.
	For 50 years.
	Is he a cheater?
	Needs to open this up.
	The one in the background, that's not a projection, is it?
	No.
	The picture?
	Not that I'm looking at that.
	No, the one next to gasoline, I thought was a projection.
	Oh, I see.
	And so the reason that that, normally that's projected onto the canvas, and he just traces the projection.
	But even that's hard, by the way.
	Yeah.
	I assumed I'd be able to do that.
	You know that John Lennon painting?
	Oh, yeah.
	I thought I would just, I got a projector.
	I go, I'll just project it.
	I don't know.
	I'll just fucking trace it.
	And I started, and it did not look very good, believe it or not.
	Sounds like Tim's room.
	I had someone in China.
	China.
	China.
	Make it.
	All right.
	Oh, wait.
	Someone posted a picture of Costco today.
	2-1.
	Somebody says food is back.
	Yeah.
	That's what the grocery stores look like today, you fucking retards.
	But wait, go back to Glenn Beck.
	We should finish that.
	I can't believe we're talking about his paintings and if he cheated when someone has cured a global pandemic.
	And I'm like, I bet he cheats on his oil paintings.
	What I'm here to report.
	No, go right back.
	And can it be mass?
	Say the president needs to open this up.
	What is the next step?
	Do you have the finished product and can it be mass produced?
	The finished product are generic drugs that have been around for over 50 years.
	So hydroxychloroquine is an anti-malarial drug that was developed in response to American soldiers coming back from World War II in the Far East that had contracted malaria.
	It has a high-quality safety profile and has never come off the market since about 1955.
	Sounds like we're done here, folks.
	Pretty cool.
	Maybe we won't be shooting next week's shows from my house.
	Or people on your lawn.
	Or shooting people on my lawn.
	Like the guys at the gun store were just like taking boxes and boxes.
	Like honestly, usually a case of bullets is like 20.
	And they'd have this much.
	So 20, 40, 60, 80, 100.
	You have 230 odd six shells.
	That's 200 holes in people this big.
	Maybe they think it's the last time they'll ever go shot.
	Like, you're going to be killing droves.
	I'm still not done, by the way.
	I know we're going way into the call time, but this is a special app.
	This might be the last from the studio.
	We're in a global pandemic.
	If we're going to have a long app, it's this app.
	We will be doing calls, don't worry.
	Although I'm fucking bummed route of beer.
	Yeah.
	Although I have beer at my house.
	There's a warm one.
	Do you want that?
	You want to split it?
	Why is there a warm one?
	It's just out of the fridge.
	How long?
	Oh, I don't know.
	We could put ice on it?
	Ice and beer.
	Ice on it.
	Maybe an ice on it?
	What an ice on it?
	So, alright.
	Trump Trump.
	Remember Trump.
	Patient Zero in New York is from Iran.
	I just saw this 2-3.
	The patient, a woman in her late 30s, contracted the virus while traveling abroad in Iran.
	Wait, aren't all women abroad when they're traveling?
	That's what I'm saying.
	This is a redundant article.
	And is currently isolated in her home, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said in a statement.
	So as they sit and call Trump racist for calling it a Chinese disease, he tried to prevent this by banning flights in from Iran.
	Let's not have Iranians coming in here.
	It's not safe.
	Now, he didn't say that for a virus, but viruses are included when you say, I don't want those people coming in here.
	And don't deny for a second that that ban was about Iran.
	Remember 2-4, Washington Post?
	Call it an Iran ban.
	Call Trump's travel ban what it is.
	Get a lot of ads.
	Are you on Brave?
	Yep.
	Call, dude, you have it cropped, so it's hard to read.
	Call Trump's travel ban what it is.
	An Iran ban.
	Hmm.
	It looks like if these activist judges weren't changing Trump's laws and getting in his way, we wouldn't have this fucking problem in the first place.
	It's disappointing.
	Jason Reslan.
	Fucking Muslims telling us how to conduct ourselves.
	So yesterday we had that annoying Hispanic woman saying, why do you call it the Chinese virus?
	It's so racist.
	There's been dozens of cases of people, of Asians reporting being uncomfortable as the entire world is thrown up, turned upside down.
	But then they had this woman from OAN, One American Network, 2.5.
	And, you know, I hate the media shitting on him, but this woman is kissing his ass a little too much.
	I would rely on that.
	Yeah, I would rely on that.
	Mr. President, thank you.
	Thank you.
	Mr. President, thank you.
	I have two questions.
	Do you consider the term Chinese?
	Very good.
	Thank you very much.
	Thank you very much.
	Do you consider the term Chinese food because it's food that originates in China or not?
	It's a loaded question, but from the other end.
	You know what I mean?
	It's a loaded ass-kissing question.
	On that note, major left-wing news media, even in this room, have teamed up with Chinese Communist Party narratives, and they're claiming you are racist for making these claims about Chinese parts.
	Is it alarming that major media players just oppose you are consistently siding with foreign state propaganda, Islamic radicals, and left-wing games and cartels?
	And they work right here at the White House with direct access to you and your team.
	It amazes me when I read the things that I read.
	It amazes me when I read the Wall Street Journal, which is always so negative.
	It amazes me when I read the New York Times is not even, I don't, I barely read it.
	You know, we don't distribute it in the White House anymore, and the same thing with the Washington Post.
	I know this is a cliche, but can he not take an orange foundation thing and just get the little bit of pink around the eyes?
	Under the eyes?
	Just to make it, I know I'm not the first person to say this, but just to make it more consistent.
	Might be a look.
	But as Howard Stern pointed out today, I've never seen anyone in the world with that look ever.
	Yeah.
	It might be to make the eyes pop because look at those little those eyes pop more.
	Well, the eyes, I was watching a news conference earlier today at my house, and we have high-def television.
	The eyes were popping.
	They were popping.
	The eyes have it.
	The eyes have it.
	Larry's got the beans.
	Larry's got the beans.
	Fuck, he's got the beans.
	Some people out there in the world, they really don't know the truth.
	They don't know what it is.
	They use different slogans and different concepts for me almost every week, trying to catch something.
	Last week it was all chaos.
	You see me, there's no chaos.
	I have no chaos.
	I'm the one telling everybody to be calm.
	There's no chaos at the White House.
	We have unbelievable professionals.
	It's really, I mean, I think I came up with a term.
	I hope I came up with a term, but it is fake news.
	It's more than fake news.
	It's corrupt news.
	Okay, that's enough.
	They write stories.
	I also airdropped you a much funnier video where he says, you guys are sitting too close.
	I think we found another way to do this.
	He said, actually, I think we're going to get rid of you.
	He should get rid of that woman who was chastising him.
	Remember that woman who was like, why are you calling it that?
	Like, fuck off, school marm.
	I don't know if they're sitting like you people are sitting.
	You're actually sitting too close.
	You should, really, we should probably get rid of about another 75-80% of you.
	I'll have just two or three that I like in this room.
	I think that's a great way of doing it.
	We just need a new way of doing it.
	You're actually much too close.
	You two, you should leave immediately.
	You should leave immediately.
	Wow, that's cold.
	Can you say that like him?
	You could leave.
	I think we found another way to do this.
	He's like kind of smiling.
	Yeah.
	He's having fun.
	That's what I love about him.
	That's why I don't get why comedians hate him so much.
	The guy's having fun.
	There's no stick up the man's eyes.
	Like, we're all freaking out.
	The whole world is in an uproar, and he's making funny jokes.
	Like, we should get rid of you immediately.
	75% of you, there's a lot of you too close.
	Matter of fact, you guys should go home immediately.
	Immediately.
	Damn, that's funny.
	It's such a great word to end a joke with.
	Immediately.
	Just leave.
	Shut the fuck up and leave.
	Immediately.
	Leave immediately.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	That's when she realizes I'm not getting any fucking cracks.
	I'm going to have to start throwing my voice down the hall and around.
	Sort of like when you're doing tons of Coke and your buddy and you're dumb the bag and your buddy goes, holy fuck, I found another bag.
	I forgot I bought two bags.
	And you're like, oh, thank God.
	And he goes, yeah, I got it right.
	Just kidding.
	And you're like, oh.
	It's like you killed me.
	Make it say yes.
	Mike.
	Oh, wait, that's me.
	All right, one more here, two, six.
	More reporters calling him racist.
	I don't remember this clip.
	What is this again?
	You did say a few days ago, though, you did have a sense that this was a pandemic, it was coming.
	So why was the United States not prepared with more testing and testing?
	We were very prepared.
	The only thing we weren't prepared for was the media.
	The media has not treated it fairly.
	I'll tell you how prepared I was.
	I called for a ban from people coming in from China long before anybody thought it was.
	In fact, it was your network.
	I believe they call me a racist because I did that.
	It was many of the people in the room, they call me racist and other words because I did that, because I went so early.
	So when you say we weren't prepared, had I let these tens of thousands of people come in from China a day, we would have had something right now that would have been, you wouldn't have even recognized it compared to where we are.
	How many people have passed away?
	How many people have died?
	See, by the way, as of this moment.
	The teleprompter thing.
	Like the way Stephen Colbert was reading that teleprompter.
	Who else was reading today?
	Oh, that JoJo chick and some other people?
	Yeah, the people that sang.
	No.
	No, they didn't.
	They just look so awkward reading.
	And then you see Trump and he's just always winging it.
	Not always, but often winging it.
	It's like you're hearing from a human being, maybe a human president for the first time ever.
	Never stump them.
	Unstump him.
	You can say a few days ago, though, you did have a sense that this was a pandemic.
	It doesn't pick up where I left off.
	I was the first one to do the ban.
	Now other countries are following what I did.
	You know, remember we were talking yesterday about the movie, sorry, the Amazon Prime show Hunters by Jordan Peel?
	Yes.
	Or is it the same producers as Jordan Peale?
	Or is it Jordan Peel?
	I can find that out.
	I don't care.
	It's linked to Jordan Peel.
	It sure is.
	But we were laughing yesterday saying we like the show Hunters.
	Executive producer, yeah.
	Because it represents the ridiculous cartoon brain of the left and how they think we're secret Nazis, just like the fucking handmaid's tale.
	We don't like women.
	We want women to be lying in a room somewhere.
	Just inseminate them and then make babies.
	No, we want to fuck them.
	We want to 69 our wives.
	why wouldn't you want that?
	Why wouldn't you want a cordial relationship with the person you're fucking?
	Anyway, the same with hunters.
	Yeah, we're all secret Nazis that secretly want to shoot our sons dead in the head.
	And then Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says exactly what I said.
	Trump's coronavirus response similar to unrepentant Nazis in Hunters.
	So he is watching Hunters.
	And he's going nailed it.
	Got it.
	Go down to his quote there.
	What did he say?
	This show is not far-fetched.
	If you follow the Trump administration's blame the black guy rhetoric, what?
	And foot-dragging behavior in response to coronavirus pandemic, the scenes from White House pressers remind of the gleefully unrepentant Nazis and Hunters.
	Because for almost two months, Trump, like a sneering Bond supervillain, you're actually mocking your own ridiculous beliefs in your own quote.
	Yeah.
	Like an unrealistic fiction.
	You watch James Bond and Hunters for your political reference points, allowed the virus to spread, knowing that poor communities and people of color would pay the greatest cost.
	That's not true.
	It's rich white men that at least in New Rochelle was all rich Jewish lawyers.
	Economically and health wise, it wasn't until it started affecting the Mar-a-Lago crowd and their businesses and therefore his reelection chances that the president, And then when it started affecting Mar-a-Lago people, the rich, then he, like, that's just made-up shit.
	Very lazy fan fiction.
	Based on a true story, kind of maybe-ish.
	Wouldn't it suck, though, if you were like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Cat Stevens or even Talib Quali, where you got named a Muslim thing or you got into Muslim culture when it was cool?
	And it was cool.
	Back in the 70s, the nation of Islam, the little bow ties, I'm Gavin X. I'm actually Muhammad Gavin Malcolm Muhammad Shabazz X. And I'm a Muslim.
	I even have a tattoo on my arm.
	It says, arm your desires.
	I think it's the word desire in Arabic with an M16 because I was like, fucking, this is like 19, I don't know, 92.
	And I was like, fucking Arab world's got to fight.
	Fucking fight for what they believe in, man.
	Arab.
	Yeah, Muhammad.
	Elijah, Muhammad.
	We heard it in public enemy songs.
	Farrakhan's a prophet that I think you ought to listen to.
	Yeah, I'm listening to him.
	We fell for that shit.
	I think you ought to listen to.
	And then all of a sudden we're like, wait, you fuck kids?
	And then there's 9-11, and then we find out about the pedophilia and the nine-year-old wives, and then the marrying the first cousins until there's major inbreeding problems.
	And then you're stuck with a name like Talib and Karim and whatever the fuck Cat Steven's stupid name is.
	Statistically, there's nothing wrong with the name Talib.
	Philadelphia has high statistics tenistically.
	Tenistically.
	Wow, that's a stretch.
	Okay, we're running.
	Okay, I think we're finally almost ready to take calls.
	Let's just dip into the mailbag.
	By the way, the mailbag is in a drought.
	Yeah.
	There was a time there, like a week ago, where we were getting 30, 40 a day.
	I think it's because people aren't as busy.
	And if you want something done, ask a busy person.
	I remember back in Vice days, I'd ask Jimmy Kimmel to do something like, hey, we're doing the cartoon issue.
	Can you do a comics page?
	And boom, I'd have it in like five hours, even though he was shooting a show that day.
	But I think because people are sitting on their ass all day, they're too lazy to write fucking letters, which is good because we can catch up on them.
	But today, I only got and got good at it, if you will, one letter.
	That's a new one.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Wait a minute.
	This is weird.
	Since starting the show, we've got about six.
	We just got another one.
	All right, let's read this one from Chris.
	Turn on the phones, asshole.
	Relax.
	We'll get to you.
	This is from a guy named Dill.
	Hey guys, do you ever see this clip from Hunters?
	It's damn funny.
	This came in three minutes ago.
	Dill, okay?
	It's on YouTube.
	That's good.
	Welcome back to the world's most popular game show.
	Okay, folks, you know how this goes.
	Let's put two minutes on the clock.
	I actually love the show, but I've never actually seen it.
	This is probably based on my fucking video, 10 Things I Hate About the Jews, where everyone just assumes that that was real.
	Why does everyone hate the Jews?
	Yes, Mel.
	Because they're cheap.
	50 points!
	Joints!
	Show me they control the media!
	How about because they killed Jesus?
	I'd say killing a Messiah is a pretty Jewy thing to do.
	Are any of these untrue?
	Oh!
	Lightning round!
	Double the money!
	Because they start all the wars in the world.
	Oh, this was Mel Gibson?
	...the world's financial institutions leading all non-Juice to inevitable financial ruin while benefiting only themselves.
	Because they used to kill Christian children and use their blood to bake their weird Passover bread?
	No, I haven't heard.
	I'm not familiar with that one.
	Because you know.
	Is that Brooks Brothers?
	Yeah.
	It is Brooks Brothers?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Tell by the roll of the shoulder.
	I think.
	I don't want to be an idiot.
	Get that wrong.
	Because they run Hollywood.
	Because, like, can they get over this Holocaust thing already?
	Yeah.
	Move on, Jews because they're rapists.
	Ponzi schemers.
	Globalists.
	Because they're Jews.
	This is insane.
	This is pretty over the top.
	This could easily be made by America First.
	Easily.
	If Nick Fuentes made this, I'd go, holy shit, he's got good production.
	We should deep fake it.
	If Nick Fuentes made this, I would not flinch for one second, but I would watch it and go, where the fuck did he get the budget?
	And he did an incredible job.
	Like that riser that the host is on, the Carpenters?
	This is a parody of the left.
	This is a parody of the paranoia of anti-Semitism that they think we think like this.
	But you said the first three were real.
	The first three were pretty normal, and I've seen a million Jews say those things.
	But like, they maybe a disproportionate number of people in finance are Jewish.
	They have a high IQ.
	They tend to be disproportionately represented in medicine, too.
	And real estate, they love the real estate.
	It's the hard jobs the smart people tend to do good at.
	But this like making everyone else suffer so they can only benefit themselves.
	You don't hear that that often.
	Wow, the fucking emails are pouring in now.
	Jeez, Louise.
	Okay, this guy's saying we should give Tom a chance.
	Watch Tom McDonald's straight white mail.
	Am I supposed to be able to get over this guy's fucking hair anytime soon?
	Straight white.
	Why don't you just click on that fucking letter, Ryan?
	You're getting them too.
	That one I don't see in our shared email.
	You didn't skip any?
	This one just arrived literally 30 seconds ago.
	Straight white male.
	Hate myself.
	Mad that my skin so pale.
	Got white privilege, so I cannot fail.
	The world told me I'm evil spell.
	I break the law, but I escaped the jail.
	My diet only mayonnaise and kale.
	I went to school and I pay my taxes.
	I used to grammar.
	I'm bad as hell.
	I'm not a Nazi.
	I like black people.
	Black Jesus, black Santa, black coffee.
	I'm not a racist.
	I like Hispanics and Negroes and natives and Asians.
	Black power says I'm the problem.
	Girl power says I'm the issue.
	Gay rights think I'm trying to stop them.
	I'll let y'all chip and I'll get you some tissues.
	Y'all look at the bottom of the business.
	Okay.
	Yeah, it's not bad.
	It's too pristine.
	It's the same thing as McLemore, but on the opposite end of it, it sounds too bubblegummy.
	Ryan has the worst taste in music on earth, so please disregard anything he says.
	Just the mix of it.
	Garrett, this is from Garrett.
	Hey, guys, saw Ryan in one of his Instagram stories a while back listening to Periphery.
	These guys are my favorite band.
	Was wondering if Ryan ever showed you them and your take on them.
	They rule.
	Periphery?
	I already hate the name.
	Was it Prague Rock?
	Kind of.
	Kind of like metal, Allison Chains, Prague.
	Yes.
	How did I know that?
	But this song nods to kind of more classic metal.
	This song nods to kind of the end.
	Oh, good.
	Alien Ant Farm and Mr. Bungle had a baby.
	No, there's no ant farm.
	Maybe the vocals.
	Oh, gross.
	That's enough.
	Here's one from Dustin.
	Nobody's emailing you because we're all freaking out about the government making everybody go inside.
	Yeah, where you have email.
	Everywhere we look, people are talking about this being in our homes for up to a month.
	Nobody knows this is bullshit.
	What?
	Everywhere, look, people are talking about being in our homes for up to a month, but nobody knows.
	Learn English, Dustin.
	Are you smoking fucking angel, Dustin?
	Eric wants to know our opinion on Oasis.
	Great band.
	Some guy named Clint wants me to know I'm a faggot.
	That's mean.
	This guy's called First.
	Felt bad about your empty mailbag.
	Hope this helps, Zach.
	Thank you so much.
	This is from Bruce.
	Gav, I just want to see your thoughts on lazy fat people who don't want to admit their work ethic is the problem when it comes to fitness.
	Seems that their equality hands around the world and everyone is the same mentality, works only when it's convenient for them.
	Left, all of us are the same.
	We can do anything we want.
	We have the same abilities.
	Also, the left, your personal truth is specific to you.
	More on the left.
	Everybody is different and we can't all lose weight.
	You know, I was going through my daughter's homework and one of the things was, if someone is about to, I don't know, ingest dangerous amount of carbs or something like that, it was like health, what might be the reason for that?
	And I was like, write Lizzo.
	And she goes, no.
	And I go, okay, you want to get an A?
	Say lack of food education.
	Say corporate fast food, making fast food addictive, all of these different ways that the fat person isn't culpable.
	Depression bullying.
	But honey, you need to, yeah, bullying.
	Put that at the top.
	But fuck an A. Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	McKinnis, don't quit.
	We get fired.
	Just tell the truth.
	Body positivity is why this woman is eating herself to death.
	Wow, they're really pouring in now.
	I can't keep up.
	This should mean less calls.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	I'm going to see if I can...
	Now there's like 50.
	Oh, yeah.
	Christopher?
	Let's see if we can just speed through them like crazy.
	I'm going to start with Phil at the bottom and then go up.
	Phil at the okay.
	Phil, we need more 600 pound life commentary.
	Bruce, I've registered GML.tv, 40 seconds for all you all, blah, blah, blah.
	Thanks.
	Katie, hey, Gab, my boyfriend has been imitating some Indian doctor who says, did daddy not drink enough water?
	And he can't remember the story behind it.
	Can you retell the story so I can be in on the joke?
	Yes, I can do that for you, Katie.
	So my buddy upstate, when I lived upstate, he had a bar we used to all go to.
	And I was up in Eldred in the Catskills, which is north of Port Jervis.
	You want to puke?
	Pee.
	Yeah.
	So weak to have to pee.
	And so his son was, everyone has Lyme disease in upstate New York, just like Ryan, who got it in upstate New York.
	And it fucking cripples you.
	It controls your bones.
	And it was breaking his heart because his son was named Baron or something.
	And he was like, we're about to move Baron speed, Dad, fast forward.
	And then he would run super fast.
	And then over the next couple of days, he had Lyme disease.
	The boy did.
	He took the antibiotics.
	They work 90% of the time.
	Sometimes they don't kill the Lyme and you have to take more antibiotics.
	So his son took the antibiotics.
	He's doing okay for a while.
	Then he started to get fucked up again.
	And it makes you sort of contort.
	It's like multiple sclerosis.
	So his kid was playing and he was like, dad, I can't go barren speed.
	His son was about six or seven.
	And he's like, I can't move barren fast.
	And he was trying to run.
	He was running slowly.
	And he goes, oh, he's fucking still got Lyme.
	So he goes to the local doctor, who's an Indian guy.
	And he goes, yeah, my son took antibiotics for Lyme, but they didn't take, so we'll need some more to cure it.
	And he goes, well, hold on, buddy.
	Let's do a little, to do some tests and see what's going on, my friend.
	He's like, okay, you can do some tests, whatever the fuck.
	So he does some tests.
	He goes, so what was he doing?
	When did you notice this?
	And he goes, well, I was at the park and he wasn't running as fast as he could.
	And I realized then that he was acting exactly the same way he does when he has Lyme.
	Did he have anything to drink today, my friend?
	And he goes, I don't know.
	Yeah, he had something to drink earlier.
	Did he have anything at the park?
	And he goes, I think, I don't really remember.
	And he goes, are we getting a little dehydrated today, Daddy?
	And he said, when he fucking said that, I was so mad that I almost did that throat grab thing you do and just fucking threw him out of the goddamn window so I'm not sure I'm getting the quote exactly perfect but then every time I saw him for about a year I would see him and I'd go are we getting a little dehydrated today daddy someone actually made a t-shirt of it but
	Yeah, his son did have Lyme disease.
	It was not dehydration.
	Thank you, Seamgem Partek.
	He's not a Delavoper, is he?
	Oh, my gosh.
	Oh, look at the emails are piling in.
	I've had enough.
	We should get to calls, right?
	Yes, buddy.
	When do we do the final video?
	That's after the calls?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	People mad that I say I wanna instead of let me.
	Nice problems, kids.
	Michael from Los Angeles.
	Hey, Mike.
	Hello, Gavin.
	Hello, Ryan.
	Hello.
	Can y'all hear me all right?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I wanted to...
	I just think that what everything is portrayed between the blacks and Hispanics don't get along, it's false.
	I want...
	If Ryan can pull up real quick on YouTube for you guys to see us, just look up, Ryan, Ross Kemp, Los Angeles, to show Gavin real quick.
	It's at minute 20 and second number 40.
	That's what I grew up on and I just want you to see that love of that.
	You know, like, what's going on?
	And then I have another comment after that if Gavin will allow it.
	Okay, it sounds like you're trying to trick us and you're gonna show some blacks and Hispanics fighting.
	Absolutely not.
	I would not do that.
	I think you guys are wrong.
	Gavin, please pay attention.
	Okay.
	Let's watch the video.
	The man wants us to watch.
	Minute 40.
	I got it.
	So you want to run one more thing by him before we do that or after?
	Minute 20, second 40, please.
	Oh, no, I got you.
	I got you.
	Okay.
	Let's see what he's got.
	Okay.
	To the stars.
	it's also infamous for being the gang capital of the world last year there was a gang related murder every other day and last month February 2000 there were just under 2,000 violent crimes committed for generations the bloods and the crypts have fought for control of the streets here but it would appear there's been a change in the balance of power the latino gangs are on the rise and i've come here to meet them how
	How long do we have to watch this for, dude?
	My second comment real quick was on Hunters.
	Since you made me subscribe to Amazon Prime, you're promoting the Hunters.
	Wait, why did you make us watch that?
	You made us watch some fucking documentary where he says that the Bloods and the Crips are losing to Hispanic gangs, and then we don't see any divulgence, discovery, whatever?
	It was Ross.
	It was Ross Kemp like...
	los angeles minute 20 second 40.
	it was a 43 minute video i sent it to um minute 20 second to ryan on his dm minute 20 minute 40 minute 20 it was minute 20 on second number 40 mark minute 20 second 40 you just say 20 40 no minute number 20.
	i was breaking you guys are good at math so i said minute number 20 on the 40 second mark gotcha okay i've never heard anybody say it like that before that's my bad you mean 20 20 33 yeah that's what i mean okay sorry i'm slow minute i'm slow you're 12 you said hispanic minute minute 20 i gotcha second number quaranta okay Exactly.
	Why is that?
	If they're gang members and these are hard people, tough people, why don't they want to speak to us?
	Well, the last guy who did what I'm doing got killed for it.
	So.
	You don't think they could touch you?
	No, I don't.
	I'm much higher than that.
	Thanks for this fucking call.
	What a great call.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thank you so much.
	Goodbye.
	Jesus Christ, what a fucking waste of time.
	Minute 20 on the second 40, and then some fucking gangster documentary from the 90s saying that I can get killed.
	What the fuck?
	He's had some good calls in the past, but that was a bad mirror.
	Stop hogging up the calls, too.
	You call in every fucking week to say the same shit.
	You're like the Bobo of GOML.
	Fuck.
	Reading the letters was way better.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	And fucking parsing through this guy's shitty fucking videos.
	Okay, I'll wait after you find that on minute 40, second 20 of the 20 second mark that's after minute 20.
	Go ahead, sir.
	Steven, you're on the line.
	Oh, hey, yeah, this is a circumcision Steve.
	I called him like a really long time ago.
	I don't know if you remember.
	Okay.
	I don't give a shit, but what?
	I figured you said it.
	I love the show.
	But no, I wanted to talk about circumcision.
	I just wanted to say something.
	Thanks for the intro.
	Great setup.
	We're ready now.
	You need to check out Eric Clopper's show.
	Hello?
	Okay.
	Eric Clopper.
	Eric Clopper.
	Look up Eric Clopper.
	He has a play.
	It's like two hours.
	It's called Sex and Circumcision, an American Love Story.
	So I'm really nervous.
	I watch the show every day.
	And, dude, it's like fucking insane.
	He exposes the whole medical industry on like all the, basically like everything, every lie that they tell about circumcision, like that, like it prevents STDs and like it prevents AIDS and all this shit.
	Like he exposes all of that.
	And dude, it's fucking insane.
	It's like the best fucking thing you'll ever watch in your entire life.
	All right.
	Well, check it out.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, I was talking to a couple recently who's having a baby.
	Our buddy, our fat buddy, Yona, who's Jewish, by the way, in D.C. And I said, are you going to circumcise the boy?
	And the pregnant wife, I stayed at their house when I was last in D.C. And she goes, yeah, I mean, I kind of wanted to.
	And I go, why?
	And she goes, I don't know.
	Like my brother, my father's are.
	It's kind of, I don't know, it just seems like what you do.
	And I said, how does your husband feel about that?
	Sort of biding my time, right?
	Before I go nuts on them.
	I don't want to become like a vegan who tells everyone how to live their lives.
	So you try to be inquisitive at first.
	And then she goes, yeah, but Yona just said no.
	And then he comes out of the bedroom, in the living room, and he goes, yeah, we're not doing that.
	And she was like, oh, okay.
	Dropped it like that.
	That's how deep these things go.
	It's that easy to get rid of fucking circumcision.
	Just tell your wife now, and she'll be like, what?
	Oh, okay.
	I don't have a dick, so I don't know.
	It's kind of your lane.
	It's like racism.
	It's like the thinnest little sliver.
	I lived in Quebec where everyone was French versus English.
	It's us versus them.
	If you're black and you're French, you're on the French side.
	If you're black and you're English, you're on the English side.
	So as soon as language became a big deal, everyone forgot about race.
	You forgot about race.
	You forgot about race because you didn't know the time when you were politically scientific.
	Not bad.
	Thanks.
	We got James.
	What's up, James?
	Hey, how are you?
	Good, how are you?
	I'm okay.
	I'm calling from Australia.
	I want to know shit, Sherlock.
	The industrialization and the effects on men that this has had.
	So, and also like wrap the transsexual issues in with that.
	Go on.
	Okay, so you know, like in the late 90s, there was a really big world recession and all that kind of thing.
	And we had this thing in Australia called like the long-term unemployed, which were people that were unemployed for five or more years.
	And they were nearly all men.
	And one of the sort of little secrets not many people know about that is that 50% of those men never worked again.
	Like they never worked again.
	And I thought it was interesting.
	We have these things in Australia called men's sheds.
	Do you know what they are?
	Do you have them in the US?
	Wait, before we get to that, what percentage of this group would you say was Aboriginal?
	That's a whole nother topic.
	But no, it's true.
	Like a fucking lot of these guys, these guys, they're not old guys at the time.
	They were like in the 20s and 30s.
	They were a long-term unemployed and they never worked again.
	And a lot of them, they got divorced, they committed suicide, they, you know, were alcoholics.
	They died early.
	And so, no, they're not Aboriginals.
	A lot of Aboriginals don't actually ever work.
	But anyway, we'll move past that.
	So they joined these groups called men's sheds.
	And every local council has a men's shed.
	And it's where these old guys go to, you know, do like municipal gardening and shit like that.
	Or they fix park benches and it gives their life some purpose.
	Like it's probably a better way than drinking yourself to death.
	But they're kind of like looked down upon, like they're a kind of daggy institution.
	You know, you make fun of somebody, you go join a men's shed.
	Ha ha ha.
	You're filling your time by doing crafts and helping society and bonding with other men.
	Ha ha, loser.
	But my point is that you never see any transsexuals trying to join a men's shed.
	They're always trying to get into some like private club or something like that.
	They're never actually trying to do something that a man would actually do, like a real man.
	They have no idea what men are like.
	They don't know what it means to feel like you're unable to support your family.
	Yeah, you're right.
	It's sort of like the black thing where these sycophants pretend that they love blacks, but they don't ever hang out with them.
	And similarly, these trans lesbians pretend that they love men, but they don't ever want to hang out with them or do their stuff.
	They just like it as this sort of ethereal fashion thing that exists out there in the clouds, but they never actually pursue it.
	It's sort of like goths.
	You know, gots talk about a fashion and sorry, goths talk about how death and I want to die.
	And okay, go fucking kill yourself then if you're so into death.
	Or like, or work at a morgue or be a gravedigger.
	Right.
	You know, or in the cemetery.
	That's like the cramp song.
	You ain't no punk, you punk.
	You want to talk about the real junk?
	If you ever said you're a man, I'm a garbage man.
	If you're so punk, be a garbage man.
	So if you're so into that thing, why don't you have any actual...
	It's all people serving them things.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Yeah, Menshed seems pretty damn cool.
	Seems awesome.
	That'd be great for a solution to a serious problem.
	For veterans, too, because my grandfather vets, yeah.
	They need to do something.
	Plus, it's hard to have a functioning workshop with all those tools.
	In Brooklyn, they had a thing in Williamsburg where carpenters would pay a monthly, just like we work, but it was this awesome, huge, open carpentry place that carpenters would rent.
	And you had like drill presses and all these crazy saws and those fucking things that can make bed posts.
	That rules.
	We got Megan on the line.
	Megan?
	Megan?
	Mogan.
	Check alert.
	Hi.
	Hi.
	I'm actually the one who emailed you to rate me and you gave me a seven.
	That's pretty good.
	Remember that, yeah.
	You can't be mad at a seven.
	I'm not mad.
	I'm just disappointed, but it's okay.
	What do you think you are?
	I think I'm a 7.8.
	Well, we were basing on the aesthetics only.
	The rating system includes more than that.
	Do you think you're a 7.8 to look at?
	Yeah.
	Where do you live?
	In Connecticut.
	Up high in Connecticut?
	No, I live right on the beach in New Haven County.
	On the beach, man.
	With a stroke tank?
	I'm out.
	It's okay.
	It's okay.
	Even Gavin said yesterday, minus all the wealth and fame and awesomeness, you're down to like, you lose like two points.
	No, men do.
	Men lose a lot.
	Oh.
	Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
	What's your question?
	Oh, no, I was just, I had wanted to say, like, about you, because you wanted to get that shirt done, the let me fuck you with my heels.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.
	And, like, I'm not good with Photoshop or anything, but I did have an idea that you could, you know, the logo for the Rocky Horror Picture Show with Frank Insherter on the lips?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, like, what if you took that, put Gavin's head on Tim Curry's body, then you put him on top of the censored.tv logo instead of the lips, and then you did, like, a red roses background on it.
	Hmm.
	That's pretty good.
	I wonder if Rocky Hoare would sue us.
	No, Richard O'Brien doesn't really care.
	How do you know?
	I'm him.
	I mean, because like, no, because like if you look at any of his interviews that he's done, he really doesn't care about that.
	I mean, you probably have to care what, like, because Fox, you know, I think owns them.
	So that would probably be the problem.
	I saw Rocky Horror play.
	I went with David Cross to make fun of it at a small town theater.
	And I realized this, I don't want to do this because I'm ruining everyone's fun by laughing at it all.
	But they weren't singing.
	They weren't singing any of the songs the way they are on the album, which made me think that there's some sort of copyright thing where a theater is not allowed to do the song the same way.
	No, that is not.
	That's not it at all.
	The Rocky Horror experience is completely different from watching the movie.
	Like when you go see the play, you're supposed to throw the rice and the toilet paper.
	And I mean, most theaters don't let you do that anymore.
	I think the Chelsea theater in New York still lets you do stuff like that.
	Yep, I saw it there.
	I'm kind of embarrassed to come out of the closet as a Rocky horror head.
	When in Rome.
	In Chelsea Delta Theater.
	It's really cool, but they don't sing it like on the album or on the movie just because they add all these other lines to it to make it.
	I know, but it's not the same song.
	It's like where the album would go, why don't you come up to the lab and see what's on the slab?
	Then the player will be like, why don't you come up to the lab?
	It's like a Dylan coming up and see what is on the slab.
	And you're like, no, that's not how it goes.
	Oh, that's kind of weird.
	I never noticed that.
	I see you shiver with anticipation.
	Oh my gosh, when you did that the other day, I was like, no!
	Dang it.
	Dang it.
	Gotta say it, man.
	Okay.
	Patience!
	What made me in the way?
	It's not really to blame.
	So I remove the cause.
	Not are you.
	The symptom.
	Thanks for calling.
	Who's next?
	We got Sade.
	Oh, that it.
	What's that song?
	Smooth Operator.
	Doesn't she have no, you're giving me the sweetest taboo.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's why.
	You love is King.
	Sade, you sound like a dude.
	Yeah, girl name.
	Yeah, it's Cade.
	Oh.
	Oh.
	Bummer.
	We thought we were going to talk to a hot black British.
	I was just calling him to see if you guys have heard of the show Love is Blind.
	It's a new Netflix reality show, like The Bachelor, Bachelorette.
	Yep.
	It's awesome.
	We should probably watch it more and discuss it on the show.
	I've only seen one episode.
	Howard Stern is obsessed with it, and so is my wife.
	That's a good sign.
	So what I would suggest, you have to watch episode eight of the first season.
	It builds up to a white guy going to meet his black girlfriend's dad.
	And there is this huge buildup as to, oh, this black dad, he really doesn't want his daughter dating a white guy, and like her friends don't want it.
	And he's got to go meet everybody.
	And there's this huge buildup, and the dad's not approving.
	And I was just wondering, you know, watching it was kind of mind-blowing, thinking about what it would be like if the races were reversed.
	I don't know what the problem for me would be as a white dad.
	Like, I wouldn't like it either, but if the races were reversed, I don't know what it would be like.
	Well, it's also the type of black dude.
	Like, if your daughter is marrying fucking Mike Jackson and he has a do-rag on and his pants hanging below his ass, you're like, this is not going to end well.
	But if he's like, hi, what's going on?
	I'm a black guy.
	Then, you know.
	It's the most boring white dude you could have ever imagined.
	I mean, he legitimately sucks, and you can tell the dad realizes that when he meets him.
	This guy's stupid little t-shirt with the buttons on it.
	Why are you wearing sweatpants in a light?
	He wears green.
	Why is he wearing green?
	This faux hawk?
	You don't like the faux?
	You know, that t-shirt he's wearing in this clip is you dress a baby.
	He dresses like a baby, like a mother who adores her newborn.
	Okay, thanks for the tip, man.
	There's actually also a scene where he was in a hip-hop band as a high schooler, and he does his rap for her mom.
	Oh, also pretty awful.
	I believe that's episode seven.
	I believe you rule.
	Thank you for the call.
	Yeah, we got to make that our show.
	I don't know why I don't watch it more.
	But did you just click out of that?
	I want to watch.
	Let's see some of it.
	Okay.
	Episode seven is when does the rap.
	Do we want rap?
	Well, I want to see the dad.
	Okay, this is where he told us to start episode eight.
	That's not when the dad is in there.
	Are you sure?
	That's when the lead up is.
	Like, that's when the lead up starts.
	Oh, I want to see the dad.
	How do you know?
	Because I scrolled through it.
	But he said episode 8 is when they meet the dad.
	He said episode 8 is when they start the lead up to the whole.
	Wouldn't that be hilarious if you have this white dad like me and the white girl shows up with the black boyfriend?
	And I'm just like, well, well, well.
	Look ye here.
	Look what the cat dragged in.
	A piece of fucking black licorice.
	shit.
	If he just So this is me when the daughter brings home the black guy on the first date.
	Sopranos, I hate this shit.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	Hey, what's up?
	My name is Terrell.
	I love your daughter.
	She's great.
	Not anymore.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	Yeah, the thing is, of course, you wouldn't care if it's an upstanding citizen type person, but the thing is the black culture, which, you know, they kind of, what do they call it?
	Make something seem cooler.
	Shut up, Brian.
	I know a guy whose daughter's dating a black guy, a black Hispanic guy, and he's like, I don't like him.
	His mom delivers Uber Eats, but I don't want to go crazy with this or she's going to fall madly in love with him because the more your dad hates someone.
	And I said, dude, this is very simple.
	If he's a piece of shit, you just go, hey, Jen, when is Marcus coming by again?
	He's a lot of fun.
	Hey, Marcus.
	Just love him to death and he's gone.
	Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
	They glorify lowlives, is what I'm saying.
	Which is unfortunate.
	We have on the line.
	But you're not finding us the dad.
	Oh, yeah.
	All right, so I got.
	They're still leaving up.
	No doubts, no nervousness, nothing.
	I have no doubts about wanting to marry you.
	How are you feeling right now?
	You seem like a stable guy, but I'm not sexually attracting you.
	Right now, I mean, I feel.
	Where is it?
	I feel.
	Uh-oh, she feels, and we'll never know.
	We're not going to spoil it.
	I feel.
	Well, we can take a call while I look for it.
	Devoid of lust.
	Bruce.
	Look how fat I'm getting on this fucking talk about Discord.
	My shirt is bursting at the seams.
	I can't even see my belt.
	It's down there.
	Gavin.
	What's up, dog?
	What up, bro?
	First time, long time, man.
	Nice to talk to you.
	Yeah.
	I just want to tell you, like, I've seen you at, you know, you were at CPAC and I've heard you make statements here and there.
	Listen, man, there's a lot of people that really do subscribe to Sensor TV.
	We love you.
	We're young.
	We're excited.
	You know what I mean?
	Don't Get so down on yourself.
	And there's an entire community of people that talk regularly that are on the younger side of the spectrum that are in this chat server called Discord.
	We talk all the time.
	We're regular-ass people that just love what you stand for, and then also conservative values.
	So, what I'm trying to say is there's hope for the future generation, and don't get so down on yourself or your network or whatever other bullshit that's going on with the SBLC or other morons at CPAC.
	We're like the fan club for Gavin, if I was to say.
	Okay, yeah, great.
	Maybe I misportrayed myself.
	I wasn't down on censored TV or anything.
	I just was annoyed by all these people demanding selfies at CPAC and not subscribing.
	It's just a waste of my time.
	Like, you're obviously not a real, you're not genuinely interested if you don't fucking subscribe.
	You just want to put me on your Facebook page.
	I am the only pay.
	I'm just going to ask it was an extended olive branch.
	We'd love for you to come to the Discord sometime and say what's up.
	You don't have to hang forever, but it would be fun.
	It's on censored.tv.
	I mean, just to come in and be like, hey, guys, what's up?
	And then leave.
	I'm sure Ryan could hook it up.
	Also, Ryan, send me to fucking movies, dude.
	Oh, that's you.
	Give me the clip.
	I got to send him the clip.
	Okay, I'll go on the Discord.
	I just did an AMA on it a second ago.
	On Reddit or Discord?
	Discord.
	Huh.
	I don't remember the AMA there.
	Yeah, I did a call-in.
	Oh, that might have been a while ago.
	I don't remember.
	But anyway, man.
	It was a week ago.
	It was a week ago.
	Yeah, you know, you sound like a hell of a fan.
	Thanks, guys.
	No, I am.
	We believe you.
	Fuck you with my heels on.
	Thanks, guys.
	Can I say it too?
	The fuck you with the heels on?
	Let's start saying that to people like, fuck you with my heels on.
	Okay, that's good.
	Yeah.
	I don't give a shit about you.
	You know what?
	Fuck you with my heels on.
	There's a theory about that in the mailbag.
	What?
	Here.
	That about the heels on.
	I'll find it.
	But I also found the dad.
	So we're juggling over here.
	My dad's not racing or anything.
	He just hates one particular race.
	He doesn't take a lot of shit.
	He doesn't take a lot of shit.
	He's used to being the boss.
	He's used to calling the shots.
	He's very racist.
	He's also racist.
	Right.
	But he's a great man.
	Yeah.
	With Lauren, I know that she's never lived with a man before.
	Never.
	And never introduced a man to her parents.
	He's the worst.
	I'm so honored that I'm that guy.
	This is big stuff here, man.
	This ain't no easy thing here.
	This is big stuff.
	He's a music producer.
	Would you consider getting a race change?
	I want to scare you not like that.
	It's not my intent.
	I want to know you.
	Yeah.
	Absolutely.
	But I'm brutally honest.
	Anybody who knows me would tell you I have no problem speaking my mind.
	I got through life like that.
	You look stupid.
	Do you hate white people?
	I guess it's simple and the shortcut to say you're a white guy, she's a black woman.
	Let's talk about that.
	How do you feel about being in the room for the black people?
	I'm not a fan.
	Wouldn't it be funny if the white guy was racist?
	And he's like, your daughter's incredibly hot, but I'm not big on the ends.
	And then the guy was like, they get on your nerves.
	And he's like, yeah, they make up weird words.
	I don't ask.
	It's ask.
	And he was like, so you uncomfortable around black people?
	Yeah.
	Like, I hate that they're COVID.
	I'm uncomfortable around you.
	And he's like, guess what?
	I'm uncomfortable around you.
	And he was like, okay, I don't like being in a room with white people.
	Okay.
	And then they look at each other, and then the black dad just goes, my nigga.
	And they just bond on their mutual racism.
	I don't like black people.
	You don't like white people.
	It's like agree to disagree.
	It's a Yankees Red Sox thing.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You love the Mets?
	I love the Yankees.
	Sounds like we playing baseball here, motherfucker.
	See you at the game.
	Young boy got there.
	Of course.
	Maybe that's a hell of a question, but it's real.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	You let black people get away with anything.
	We had a serious relationship prior to meeting Lauren.
	We dated for five years.
	Okay.
	And she was a black Hebrew-Israelite.
	So I found myself in that type of situation all the time.
	I hate Jews.
	You know, I think black people were the real Jewish.
	I think the Holocaust was a joke.
	I kiss boots.
	Do you have boots?
	You're wearing derbies?
	That's not going to work?
	No, no, that's not the guy I'm doing.
	I'm making him a radical black activist.
	Right.
	Well, he wouldn't kiss boots.
	Oh, that's the other guys that do it.
	True relationship where people have issues.
	Well, that's not everything, but it's certainly going to play a factor of how you live in the world.
	Yeah.
	World's most boring racist fight.
	Yeah.
	Most amazing woman I've ever met.
	I fell in love with her without ever having seen her.
	I love her for who she is.
	And I'm not even mad that she's black.
	I'm not going to be a JK to be with her.
	You know, when I saw she was black, I wasn't even disappointed.
	I don't judge you about anything other than how you treat her.
	JK, Delaney.
	You suck because you're white.
	And I'm on TV right now.
	So I'm obviously going to make up a bunch of bullshit about how I like open and frank discussions.
	And then later, I'm going to try to sabotage the shit out of this motherfucking relationship.
	Yeah, that's probably going to be a lot of fun.
	Of course, he's not on TV.
	I don't see no wife, motherfucker, with my girl.
	That's funny.
	All right.
	Yeah, we got to get into that show.
	We got Marty talking about what's really important.
	More Jew talk.
	Go ahead.
	Oh, great.
	Just kidding.
	I don't know.
	Did I say a goddamn thing about Jew talk?
	Did I really?
	No, we're sorry, Marty.
	Yeah, are you?
	Are you really?
	I'm not sure.
	Not so much.
	This sounds like merch from Revenge of the Cis on Every Night from 7 o'clock.
	I'll have you know, sir, that I have a disease that isn't corona, but it's a regular disease that also sucks.
	It's called, I don't know what it's called, it's a throat thing.
	Okay, okay.
	I usually sound like a 14-year-old prepubescent boy.
	Can we get to the question at some point?
	Question?
	I'm here to tell you what's really important, my man.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Mikey!
	Are you?
	What?
	Are you ready?
	Yeah.
	This is creepy.
	Did that guy just call me a creep?
	No, I said this is creepy.
	We're running out of patience here.
	No, you're right.
	It is creepy.
	Music.
	We need super bands again.
	We need super bands back.
	You know?
	You mean like power groups where it's like Jimmy Page and Anthony Keatus and fucking transcendent.
	This is what's going on.
	Fuck what you were thinking.
	This is what's going on.
	You know?
	And you don't understand it because it's gobbledygook, but you still freaking sit there and look at it, you know?
	No, I don't know.
	Do you mean like we need big rock bands like Queen or those super groups where it was guys from individual bands making a new band?
	All of that, all of that and more.
	It ended sometime in the early 80s, and then it still had enough steam, you know, to get almost up to the 90s.
	The 90s, by the way, was shit.
	Do you remember somebody made a movie called The Year Punk Broke?
	Yes, Sonic Youth put that together.
	I was in my 20s in the 90s, so I do manage to harken back to those days.
	I've never seen that movie.
	Have you seen it?
	We got to go to.
	Thank you for calling.
	You referenced the movie that was.
	It was fantastic talking to you.
	Great points made.
	But honestly, the supergroup thing, do you think he was inspired by the family?
	No, I don't think he knew.
	We never heard if he met us.
	You don't even know what a supergroup is.
	Yes, I do.
	Live Aid?
	It's not a supergroup.
	No, no, no, but We Are the World.
	We Are the World's not a Supergroup.
	A super group is like that band that had Radioactive.
	It's a Radioactive.
	Okay, that I don't know.
	That was like, or that band, The Traveling Wilbury's, is a super group because it has Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty.
	The band.
	No, the band became famous after they went solo, you shithead.
	Oh.
	Chickenfoot.
	Fuck off.
	Look, it's got Sammy Hagar, Joe Satriani, and James Miller.
	So do you.
	You have Sammy Hagar.
	No, I don't.
	All right, next call.
	Kelly Reese, we can hear you.
	Hi, Kelly.
	Hello.
	How you doing?
	Kelly, let me ask you, as a woman who watches this show, do you find it to be sexist?
	Like all the raiding girls and stuff, does it ever sort of bum you out?
	No, I don't think it bums me out.
	Not at all.
	I don't think so.
	Did you grow up with brothers?
	I did, actually.
	I grew up with twin brothers, but I also grew up with sisters, too.
	No, I mean black.
	Did you grow up in a black neighborhood?
	I did not grow up in a black neighborhood.
	All right, what's your question?
	Okay, so I actually am living just outside of Seattle, so very liberal and very right out, you know, with the coronavirus, the mecca of everything, which kind of sucks.
	Wait, what's the mecca?
	You're from the mecca of coronavirus?
	I thought we were in New York.
	No, it's kind of, if you look at the map of everything, that's where it kind of started, supposedly, from what I know.
	Okay.
	Yes.
	So, but my question is, with the whole Trump giving this whole thing with the $1,000 to everybody, my understanding, that's what's happening.
	I don't agree with him giving it to everybody.
	I think it should go to only people that are affected with either the virus or out of work because of it.
	I'm not out of work because I work in health care and I'm still working and making money.
	I think it should go to people that are actually out of work or affected.
	And I want to find out what your thoughts are on that.
	Well, I think the problem is quantifying all this would become so incredibly expensive that they would never be able to do it.
	To sit there and have a board that decides which out of the 331 million people should get it and shouldn't is too hard.
	I think the much easier way to handle it would be a tax break.
	Let's delay the IRS filings.
	Let's delay our taxes until, I don't know, July, August, and then make the $1,000 some sort of tax payment discount.
	So if you're going to owe $12,000, you only owe $11,000 that particular year.
	That sounds more reasonable.
	And then it would be proportional to how many people there.
	But this fucking Andrew Yang shit with giving a check, it was literally in the movie Idiocracy, where Wang Bang, Mountain Dew, Melonhead, whatever his name was.
	Camacho.
	Camacho gave everyone a million dollars.
	It doesn't sound smart.
	Well, the mortgage.
	You heard about the mortgage thing, right?
	Cuomo said.
	Yeah, I did.
	For 90 days, mortgage payments are waived.
	Well, what's going to happen, too, is all these people are going to say, I'm not paying my rent.
	Whether they can or they can't, every poor person is going to say, I can't pay my rent.
	Landlords are going to get fucked.
	They can't pay off their mortgage.
	And then their mortgage is often sold to some bank.
	Your mortgage isn't like some guy waiting for the check.
	That's a whole other mortgage.
	We're still doing mortgage bundling.
	So yeah, it sounds like a mess.
	How are you doing?
	I'm doing fine.
	I personally am doing fine because I'm still working.
	I'm in health care.
	And so for me, it's great.
	I'm living off of this because I have to.
	Are you dealing with sick patients?
	What was that?
	Are you dealing with sick patients?
	I am not in, like, I work in insurance.
	So I don't have to work with patients, unfortunately.
	But I still have to work.
	But, you know, I feel for the people that are not working, you know, and so I think that that's where I feel where that money should go to the people that are not working.
	And that's why I don't want to have to take it.
	A couple of people are kicking ass.
	I bought a bottle of bourbon yesterday, which goes against my Lent rules, but I talked to God and he said, just don't overdo it.
	Have a couple every couple days.
	But the liquor store guy said his sales are up 30%.
	Certain things are probably doing great, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, we went to get some vodka today, and all the big vodka was gone, but the little vodka was there.
	Little vodka.
	Let's go home to mommy.
	Little tiny vodka.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	It was nice meeting you.
	Yeah, but you know, waitresses and restaurants that, you know.
	Waitresses, not so much.
	Not so much.
	Not so much.
	They can't sit down.
	These people can't.
	Restaurants closed.
	Mike is talking about what we all want to talk about, the toilet paper.
	Oh, fuck.
	What's up, Dods?
	What up?
	Yo, dude, Thod.
	So you were talking earlier about how Costco's stocked up and everything.
	I, too, am from Washington, the hub of the coronavirus, I guess.
	And yeah, Costco's cleaned out of fucking toilet paper, eggs, milk, all kinds of shit.
	When were you last there?
	And today.
	Well, it's going to be good tomorrow.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But what sucks about it is I'm running low on toilet paper.
	And I was like laughing at everybody because they're like fucking, oh, yeah, we're going to stock up on toilet paper.
	I was like, you fucking idiots.
	And then now I need toilet paper.
	And they're like, well, you should have stocked up on it.
	And then I'm thinking, why the fuck were you stocking up on it in the first place?
	You're fucking ruining it for like the normal people.
	How many roles are you down to?
	I'm down to probably about four.
	So that's a lot of roles.
	That's a lot of roles, dude.
	How much diarrhea do you get?
	Are you alone?
	How many people in your house?
	Family of five, maybe?
	Dude, dude, I'm like every person that calls in.
	I'm an alcoholic.
	So I shit probably like five times a day.
	I'm assuming.
	Okay.
	I'm going to say this as a one-time offer, and I don't want to have to do this again, but I am going to contribute to this problem.
	When you run out of toilet paper, you can Skype in to this show, a video Skype, put your anus up against your shitty anus, up against the webcam or whatever you use to do video chats, and then I will go up and I will lick the screen, lick my camera, and that will clean your asshole.
	I will do this four or five times.
	That's all I can do.
	And that's going to be my contribution to this crisis.
	Just doing the thing?
	Well, you know, honestly, I thought about it, and I can honestly, I've wiped my ass with a McDonald's bag before, so I was kind of like, yeah, there's plenty of things that you can wipe your ass with.
	Dude, I have a suggestion.
	Do you want to?
	Yeah.
	You know what you should do?
	You crumple up a piece of paper 100 times and it turns into like a beautiful like a silk kind of like a cotton thing.
	And run it underwater.
	Because why not?
	Yeah, what if you wet paper and then dry it?
	We'll try that.
	I got another suggestion, too.
	I'm going to join.
	You got a Biffy?
	Gabby?
	Biffy.com.
	I'm actually using one paper.
	I'm actually getting a Biffy on the way.
	Because it rules.
	Yeah, that's awesome.
	Also, this is a little thing, a little sneaker peek or whatever, a hack.
	You get one wipe Charlie's from Dollar Shave Club.
	That is not a sponsor, and I don't advocate them, but that's what I got.
	Those OneWipe Charlie's sponsor.
	Maybe.
	Okay, thank you for calling.
	Thank you for calling.
	Do you put those things that they're going to do?
	Are you sure they're flushable?
	It says they're flushable.
	They disintegrate real easy.
	I don't know.
	Because like while I was wiping off the desk after Gary was here.
	I've heard about London, England, having these sewer, these toilet blog, whatever they're called.
	They're wet wipes.
	I don't know if they're as thin.
	Because those are like baby wipe wet wipes.
	This says they're flushable.
	Does it on the thing?
	Let's mix this up with some mail bags.
	Okay.
	So, Angelo, just hold on the line for a second, all right?
	Jesus Christ, we have like a hundred.
	Oh, geez.
	Should we hit the Brian?
	Gavin, I've been dating my girlfriend for four months now.
	I love her.
	She loves me.
	We have told each other as much.
	However, I know getting engaged at this stage would be a bit ridiculous.
	We're both 25.
	I've read your book.
	I remember you describing when you first saw your wife.
	I don't recall you mentioning how old you were.
	My wife and I had a pretty unromantic dating thing.
	I was quite popular at the time.
	We broke up about 10 times.
	I was not a reliable guy, but I just couldn't get her out of my mind, and I kept going back to her.
	Then I just realized, this is the one.
	It's like God has decided.
	How long you dated pre-engagement?
	So I met her in 2001.
	We got married in 2005.
	That was way too long.
	It was a total waste of time.
	I shouldn't have been fucking those other girls.
	I shouldn't have been breaking up with her or she shouldn't have been breaking up with me.
	And we should have just started fucking the day we met.
	Like making babies.
	Because I met her at 29.
	And I didn't put a fucking bun in the oven until she was like 32.
	33.
	Hello.
	Anyway, when did you realize that you loved her?
	And when did you know that she was the woman you were going to marry?
	Just fucking marry her, dude.
	Now that's how guys talk to one another.
	If you have any doubts, just live with her for six months.
	And if you haven't had a drag-out, drop-down, super fight where you wanted to kill her mother for making her, then fucking do it.
	That's true.
	I don't understand why we need to party so much.
	Dear Gavin in the short bloke, walk past this with my son.
	This came in one minute ago, Ryan, from Mark.
	It looks British.
	Walked past this with my son, who often watches your show over my shoulder.
	We laughed for about eight hours after seeing this.
	Location of Terrence's new venture, Watford.
	Just set out of London.
	Symbols.
	Oh, my.
	Hand empowered tools.
	You misspoke.
	It's S-Y-M-B-O-W-S.
	How old is that store?
	How old is that store?
	And is it one of the oldest in the neighborhood?
	Those look rustic.
	This is from Jared.
	I found Mikey in a kid's book.
	One day, Mary Manatee gave birth to a baby.
	He weighed 65 pounds.
	His name was Mikey.
	That's such a retarded email that I kind of liked it.
	Did you see that one?
	Yeah, yeah, I got it right here.
	Okay.
	Bring back Miles.
	Miles.
	One day, Mary Manatee gave birth to a big baby.
	He weighed 65 pounds.
	His name was Mikey.
	Mikey!
	Your turn.
	Mikey!
	Mikey!
	Wow, I'm glad we read that letter.
	Mikey changes lives.
	Lisa says you are transgendered.
	That's not true.
	Who, me?
	No, me.
	Oh.
	You didn't sound too happy about that.
	Chris, we both have a beer now.
	Cool.
	Okay, these letters are not really very deep.
	Who would win a drunken fight?
	A Glaswegian, a Canuck, or a Pikey?
	It's a Pikey?
	A Paky?
	No, a Pikey.
	I think it's that like Irish Traveler, isn't it?
	I mean, not Irish Traveler.
	Yeah, like Brad Pitt played one in the movie.
	Yeah, I'm going to say an Irish Traveler.
	I mean, they get the shit beaten out of them from the day they're born.
	Pikey are the best fighters, and then a Glaswegian, and then a Canuck.
	Canucks fight too nice because of hockey.
	They're too fair.
	Jesus, look at all these letters.
	All right, let's take another call.
	All right, we got you on the line.
	And hello.
	And hello to Andrew.
	Hey, good.
	Hey, everybody.
	So I was actually the guy who sent you in the 95.5 Pareto distribution stuff.
	Oh, 95.
	The what?
	Yeah, the 95.5, 90.10.
	Oh, right, right.
	Yeah, so on the charting the coronavirus, I kept being bothered with this probably since about a month ago, and everybody shows the actuals, right?
	You're not supposed to show the actuals.
	You're supposed to show the scale or the rate of change as it goes up.
	And then you can see the graph tapering off.
	But the media always shows the actuals so that it looks like it's an exponential rise.
	It looks like it keeps doubling.
	But that's not how you do statistics like that.
	You do it with a log graph.
	And you can see the rate of recovery, the rate of infection, and everything kind of meeting a common limit.
	So it's like it's been since day one, we've had it.
	And they said, well, the Chinese underreport and overreport, or they are munging the data.
	I say, yeah, but with this type of analysis, you can't buck a trend, especially when that trend shows up the same way in other countries.
	So I was, you know, since day one, this has been a hash.
	So you're saying that it's been tapering off since day one.
	It's not bad?
	Well, the rate of growth is tapering off, right?
	So say...
	Oh, I didn't see them because I paused the TV.
	Does your last name start with a V?
	Is your last name start with a V?
	Okay, gotcha.
	Yeah, we got a bunch of people.
	Okay, so we got your graphs.
	Okay, so those graphs we just showed that look like a whale's back are really what's going on here.
	It's tapering.
	Yes, but they only show you the front.
	And the reason why we do that is because if one person goes out and infects two people, right, then those people go out and infect two people, okay?
	That's what, that is a rate of infection, but it's starting to be like those, that one person is now not infecting two people, they're infecting 1.5.
	I see.
	Or they're infecting 1.3.
	And now it's down.
	And as soon as it gets to be infecting one to one, this starts going away.
	Just like the flu, just like SARS, just like everything else.
	It's a very common disease trend.
	And if you put it up against the flu virus, it's the same trend.
	Well, thank you very much for your call.
	That's an informative discussion.
	And the fact that we have a cure now with this chlorine and igalola that we use for malaria means that maybe we will be in the studio next week.
	Maybe people won't have to watch us watch movies.
	Watch him or watch you.
	Dude, he has some quality emails, this Angelo.
	Can I search this smart guy?
	He also did the 95.5, like you said.
	By the way, this is a piece of paper I've been rubbing and crumpling for, you've been seeing me do it.
	This is perfect butt paper, right?
	Pots of water?
	No.
	You want to add water for the experiment?
	I want to add water.
	Just to see if it gets it softer.
	What?
	It's fine.
	So it's kind of holy.
	You might get a bit of shit on your finger.
	You could fold this, wipe your ass.
	I wouldn't put it in the toilet.
	You have to put it in a garbage bag or something.
	But there you go.
	If you've got paper, you've got toilet paper.
	And we were right that China sucks.
	We said that at the beginning of the month.
	And we were right to say this is not a big deal.
	Everyone's overreacting.
	One quick question.
	Change the name of the show to the always-right show.
	Do we want to start hand-picking?
	Is this card still recording?
	No.
	So the last end of the episode is going to visually take a little hit, but audio is going to be great and fun.
	Because we have to pull it from the actual stream.
	Shouldn't we have a card with more room?
	Yeah, we should.
	So shouldn't that card have been empty when we put it in?
	It was totally emptied.
	Totally emptied.
	It's a gig a minute.
	Okay.
	That's a lot.
	A gig a minute?
	Yeah.
	We shoot an MOV.
	So this show is like coming up on three hours.
	180 gigs?
	Something like that.
	Woo!
	Something like that.
	you know what?
	It squashed it down to about maybe like 150 or 90.
	That's so crazy.
	It's crazy.
	Let's see.
	Asking about your beard.
	James Pants.
	One quick question.
	Bill Maher.
	Big Titty Social.
	Calling about NASCAR.
	Yeah, just put the fucking guy on.
	We got a lot.
	Do we still want to know?
	No, just keep taking calls.
	Everyone's locked up here.
	It's me.
	Hello.
	You puked?
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Did you puke?
	Hi.
	Did you barf?
	What?
	Me?
	Yeah.
	No?
	Did you fart?
	No?
	I thought you said it's me.
	I puked.
	No, I got excited.
	Oh, okay.
	So you puked.
	Oh, okay.
	How are you?
	Good.
	How are you doing?
	Good.
	So I just had a quick question.
	I didn't know if you had any tips on how to make my boyfriend realize that wearing open-toed shoes is very pathetic.
	You ugly.
	So we're talking about flip-flops or something worse?
	Like flip-flops, slide-ons, really just anything he can wear that doesn't require socks.
	And where are you?
	What state?
	I'm in Kansas, so it's cold right now.
	So it's fucking cold out fucking.
	It's quiet.
	Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
	Let's start with stepping on them repeatedly.
	Okay.
	Just by accident.
	And maybe you could wear high heels and just be like, oh, Jesus, I'm sorry.
	And always apologize every time you do it.
	Make that a habit of stepping on his feet when he's wearing them with your high heels on.
	And I want to step on your toes with my high heels on.
	Let me poke you with my heels.
	And then maybe there's a way you could get shit on his toes.
	Like if you had some sort of a long stick and you could get some shit on the stick and then at the taco place or something, you could just sort of touch it there.
	And then later just go, what is that?
	What is that?
	And then he's like, I don't know.
	Oh my God, I got shit on my toes.
	And you're like, I hate this fucking shit.
	And then you're like, why are your toes out in the first place?
	You ugly.
	Well, I ask him that all the time, and he doesn't understand the problem with it.
	We don't want to see your fucking toes.
	Wait, what are you going to do?
	Okay, here's my third idea.
	Hire a friend to come and not beat him up, but get into a kerfuffle.
	Not like a guy who's going to knock him out, but have like a friend dress up as a homeless man and put dirt on his face and be like, what's going on?
	I want to give your girl a hug.
	And then he'll be like, get away from her, dude.
	And then he gets in a dumb, kind of a silly, homeless, mentally ill wrestle.
	And inevitably, of course, your boyfriend will lose his shoes.
	And then you go, how are you supposed to protect me when you got your shoes flying around all over the fucking plane?
	Exactly.
	And then you can go back over the week and go, you keep complaining when I step on them by accident.
	You got shit on them at the taco place.
	And then when we wrestled that homeless dude, or when you did, your shoes went flying everywhere.
	I don't feel safe.
	Right.
	I need someone to depend on.
	And I can't do that when his shoes are slipping off all the time.
	If you were hired to make me mad, you couldn't be doing a better job because I'm getting fucking pissed at this guy.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	I appreciate the support, Gavin.
	It's ridiculous.
	And men's toes, they have little hairs on them.
	No one wants to see your fucking toes.
	We barely want to see girls' toes.
	Right.
	Like if I'm going to be able to see little pieces of glass all around the house.
	Smart.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Later.
	My met sucks.
	Oh, no.
	Look at that.
	Look at that.
	Don't spread the pinky toe around.
	Jesus.
	Get in.
	Mike.
	Get into that.
	Don't do that.
	Mikey.
	Rand.
	Come on, man.
	Mikey.
	Let's enjoy our toes.
	Dude, fucking call Mikey.
	Ew.
	Ooh.
	It's quiet.
	Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
	What are you doing?
	If you can...
	Cough
	Who's next?
	Okay, we got Josh asking about Gavin's beard.
	Yes, Gavin.
	I had a question about your beard.
	Why do you want to ask questions about my wife?
	That's my private life.
	Oh, Lord.
	I wanted to know how you trimmed your beard.
	Oh, good question.
	I have these clippers.
	What the fuck are they called?
	I wish I had it.
	Actually, no, we have one here in the studio.
	Yeah.
	Can you get it?
	Sure.
	Let me fuck you with my hair.
	So what I do is I have a setting on it, like the beard setting, and I sort of like sort of tear at it without getting too crazy.
	Wait, do you have the hip on it?
	So it's a Philips Norelco Go styler.
	So this one I do, I always go like this, and I get the neck.
	You got to go like this with your other hand, or you'll get those little fucking hairs.
	Look at the little fucking hairs in your t-shirt.
	But this, it's got the little setting on it, right?
	And then what I like to do with this setting is just sort of scrape down where it's near the ear and make that even go bald.
	Sometimes you go up if you really want to play hardball.
	And I try to keep it away from the beard, the main chin zone, so I don't want to lose that fake chin.
	And then as I get closer to this part, I'll be a little more like zip, zip, zip.
	And then I get the mustache out of the way and we'll be like zip, zip.
	Once you get in this zone, you want to be real careful not to make any mistakes.
	And the beauty of having this guard on is you can't do anything too crazy.
	Phillips?
	Okay, and what is your ratio with your chin hair versus your cheek hair?
	Well, what I want to do, the same way I have a fade here that goes from nothing up, I want this to go from nothing down.
	So the fade should be both ways.
	Yes, okay.
	I may have made some mistakes there because I was filming on awesome.
	Thanks, man.
	You're welcome.
	Jake, Jake, I made it.
	Love you, buddy.
	Love you, too.
	Bye, guys.
	Ryan couldn't hang up because he was on the ones and twos.
	You know, Tom Ford had a piece of advice to make you look like you have more of a drawline?
	What?
	Stop, you.
	You keep this.
	Everything from here to here.
	That's what gives you a more pronounced drawling.
	You keep this?
	I just shaved my whole damn face.
	Crazy, right?
	I just shaved my whole damn care.
	I didn't see that one coming.
	James, talking about pants.
	Hey, Gavin, I would have fucked you about you, Jordan.
	Look, look, I got a very difficult situation here.
	I can't find pants that I like.
	Even these jeans, they're too wide at the bottom.
	And then I have these J. Crew pants that are too tight.
	They're like skinny fucking jeans.
	I can't find a happy medium.
	I've been looking for pants that fit for, I don't know, my whole life.
	Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
	Dude, I got a problem.
	So I was 240 in December, and I'm down to 210.
	I've lost 30 pounds.
	By the way, dude, you got to do something about that belly.
	Those buttons on your shirt, there's creeping.
	The whole episode, they just look like they're struggling.
	Okay, first of all, I was like, fuck, dude.
	This is after four or five beers.
	Secondly, I weigh 200 pounds, my friend.
	How dare you?
	So you're calling up a skinny little waist.
	I fucked up.
	I fucked up.
	But what do you do when you've lost like 30 pounds and you're still losing weight?
	Oh, I see what he's doing.
	This is a former fat guy trying to fat shame you because now he's skinny.
	So he feels.
	Yeah.
	I'm still skinny, dude.
	Good.
	Are you still losing weight?
	It sucks because you've got to buy a whole new wardrobe, I guess.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, dude.
	That's what I'm trying to do.
	That's what I'm calling you.
	I want a fashion advice because part of me wants to buy the elastic waist shit, but I don't really care about brands or whatever.
	I'm not like, you guys are into Carhartt.
	I'm into Dickie's, which is like the Walmart version of Carhartt.
	But in terms of still style, though, is elastic waist power?
	No, yeah, you can't do elastic waist.
	My buddy Chris Lombardi used to run Matador Records, and he was a real yo-yo, as they said on Curb You Enthusiasm.
	And he would go from fucking 280 to 190.
	So what he had was a series of pants, and that included suits.
	He had fat Chris suits.
	He had skinny Chris suits.
	I got to buy all new shirts now because my neck is fucking, I don't know what's going on here.
	I like to think it's because I'm getting so ripped.
	My neck is huge, but I got to buy all new shirts.
	I got a tip for you.
	You can ask Crowder about it.
	I don't know how often you talk to fucking Steve Crowder, but I wouldn't give you advice unless someone you knew and respected.
	Starting strength with Mark Ripito.
	Steven Crowder had him on like three or four times or whatever, and also the Art of Manliness guy had him on.
	I did it for a while, and then before I went to a four-year university and just got a huge beer gut, I got jacked.
	I'm telling you, you'd be...
	You're trying to get muscle.
	You're not trying to...
	Well, you're...
	I got a trainer.
	I was doing great.
	I've been locked in my house, and I just drank a bunch of beers.
	We're very sensitive.
	I was getting fucking ripped.
	I'll tell you something about pants and temporary fatness, which Gavin is talking about.
	There's a thing on Tailored Pants called the after-dinner split.
	So literally, after you eat dinner, the pants, they have a little split because you do get fatter after you eat and drink.
	All right, that's enough.
	It's real.
	Thank you for calling.
	These calls are getting a little too friendly.
	Don, oh, we're done with calls?
	No, but.
	Don, one quick question.
	Make it cooked on, you son of a bitch.
	Gabon!
	Maza!
	Mikey!
	Best name for the corona pandemic.
	Is it the Chinese virus, Kung Flu, or the Holoc?
	How dare you!
	I would avoid the Holocoff at all costs.
	I would say Kung Flu amongst your friends and the Chinese virus amongst everyone else, including Chinese people who are politically correct and getting pissed off.
	You know, you wear your MAGA hat when you go out to the parade with your kids.
	You get fired.
	You get in trouble.
	It's like even Indians.
	Like, I call them Indians.
	And I remember I was with my wife's cousin and she was like, it's actually native.
	And I'm supposed to go, ooh, you are native.
	So I better use the word.
	I said, I use Indian.
	Thank you very much.
	We can argue about this or we can move on, but I'm not fucking saying Native.
	It's so gay.
	And you can't say the Holocaust because this is actually happening.
	Oh, that's going in the Get As ruined fucking sizzle reel.
	The Vic Berger.
	All right, next call.
	Bill Maher.
	Question by Chris.
	Okay.
	You, what up, guys?
	I should have asked about Gavin's beard.
	But yeah, Gavin, you said before you launched Free Speech that you were going to put up a video of you drunk on Bill Maher.
	Just curious if you were still going to do that, I guess.
	I mean, I have the VHS tape somewhere, it's so embarrassing that it's it's a low point in my life.
	Like, I yeah, yeah, yeah, I kind of understood still pretty interested.
	I can't get it out of my mind.
	Okay, I did tell you how it went, right?
	Uh, the gist, but I mean, I don't want to take up too much time in the call, but um yeah, also just one thing.
	You don't have to talk about it now, but in the future, if you just want to say if you think the coronavirus thing is going to affect Trump's future election.
	No, not at all.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's going to go, we're going to be done with this in two months.
	The economy is going to rebound like a motherfucker.
	Holy shit, it's going to be a slingshot.
	And by the time November rolls around, everyone is going to be rolling around in dough, and that will lead to his massive landslide.
	If this was some sort of globalist ploy, which I doubt, but if it was to ruin Trump, you started way too early, dude.
	We had a caller talking about the whale back where we're going, but.
	Listen to them talk.
	But we saw that whaleback coming, and it's clear that even by July, things are going to be cooking.
	August, oh, my God.
	August, I think, is going to be the boom.
	And then September, October, Jesus fucking Christ, you're going to have gold boots on.
	Bullshit.
	How are you drinking that peanut butter whiskey?
	Because it's around.
	If you had a cup of cum, I'd go, well, it's got a lot of protein.
	As long as it's not too warm.
	It's like peanut butter whiskey.
	It's on the rocks.
	Tyler, you're online.
	Hey, what's up?
	How you doing?
	Thank you to John who got this for us, by the way.
	Thanks.
	Gavin, what's up?
	Hey, man.
	Hey, all right.
	So I got a quick story, and it's going to lead into a question for you.
	Hoi, hey.
	We don't give a damn.
	All right, so here we go.
	So basically, I worked for a libertarian group on campus, and we were just fucking, you know, spreading some information on communism and genocide, et cetera, et cetera.
	And we had some dude that came up, dude, and he was like, you know, fighting for socialism.
	And then at some point in the argument, I called him man, and he took off his jacket, and he had fucking tits along with facial hair.
	So I was like, I just looked at him and I was like, what the fuck, dude?
	Like, you have facial hair.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute.
	What kind of tits?
	Because I see men with tits at Grey Wolf Lodge all the time.
	Were they man boobs or ladies' tits?
	No, these were lady tits.
	They're big difference.
	Big difference.
	Yes.
	So it was a chick who was taking male hormones.
	Or maybe a male who was taking chick hormones, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but he wouldn't grow facial hair then.
	All right, fair enough, fair enough.
	He had facial hair, and this is my question.
	I said to him, I was like, you know, he corrected me on his pronoun, and I was like, dude, you have facial hair.
	Like, don't sit here and talk to me about your tits.
	And, you know, he eventually walked away.
	Like, how do you combat that?
	How do you speak to somebody that has tits and facial hair?
	I feel like I'm a doad.
	You laugh your head off.
	You go, look at this clown with his tits and his beard, trying to tell me how to live the perfect life.
	Who the fuck are you, dude?
	Don't fall for the like tranny N-word shit, but just go, look in the mirror.
	Look at this clown.
	Why am I listening to this fucking lunatic?
	Have some fun.
	Enjoy yourself.
	Of course.
	All right.
	And one more thing.
	One more thing.
	The whole let me fuck you with my heels on and I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	I don't give a fuck what you say.
	It's your fucking show.
	You say what you want to say.
	I personally, to my friends, I say, I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	Yeah.
	Thank you very much for having our back for getting the ladies saw lyrics wrong.
	I appreciate that.
	And I agree with him.
	Yeah, what sounds better?
	It sort of goes with, there's a couple things, and I wouldn't push them to you as news if it was important, but there's a couple stories in my life where I don't want to know if I'm wrong.
	Like this is, I don't want to sound like I'm not a reliable source, but a story like a bear took a shit and threw it at a kid and it knocked the kid out.
	Like that kind of story.
	I have a couple of those in my repertoire.
	I can't think of them right now, but I don't want them researched.
	I don't want to know if they're false.
	And I feel the same way with that Lady Saw lyric.
	It's like the Irish say, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
	Right.
	We got Jonathan calling about NASCAR.
	Yoho, January Goo.
	What's up, guys?
	I'm not actually calling about NASCAR, even though I do live in a small town with a NASCAR track, but I'll call him out Nate Ober.
	Have you guys heard anything about it?
	Yeah, whatever happened to Nate Ober.
	I don't know what happened to Nate.
	He's still watching the show.
	I don't think he's watching the show anymore.
	He's not watching it.
	Wait, what's your name impression, sir?
	That was actually pretty good.
	Let's hear your Nate.
	I'm a Nate Ober, and I have my just some Swiss cheese on him.
	That's deep cut.
	He loves his food.
	Deep cut, yeah.
	You really know your Nate.
	He does.
	Nate rules.
	Our gothic friends.
	Last I heard, he texted me back, and he didn't have his phone for a while, but he said he was coming to New York, and he wants to have a drink with me, and I would definitely do that.
	Look at the other Nate Ober.
	could they be more diametrically opposite?
	Nate Ober's the opposite of everyone in the world.
	But has he been putting up videos?
	Let's see his most recent video.
	All right.
	I don't want to disappoint myself.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling, sir.
	Indeed.
	Let me see.
	Five months ago, man.
	Five months ago?
	And look, when we discovered him, he was on all the time.
	Yes.
	Look, everything was six months ago.
	Like, it was rare that you'd have to go a month.
	Can we try to decipher that?
	Like, remember this?
	Like, what did this mean?
	No, no, no, no.
	Fuck, that's because he learned it.
	I'm on YouTube, where if I do anything wrong, I'm way fatter back then.
	Yeah, you were.
	So I'd like to present to you, ladies and gentlemen, classic film for now as a kid, Star Wars.
	No, actually, I'm bringing it up.
	Sir, can you please hang up?
	Because I have to use the audio from the computer.
	This is one of the things that I'm talking about.
	No, go to his most recent post.
	Okay.
	It's not great.
	I know.
	I don't care.
	All right.
	It's a bass loop for four seconds.
	Really?
	And actually, there's no sound to it.
	There's no sound.
	No.
	That implies that Nate has lost his mind and he's at a mental institution.
	Heavily medicated because I threatened someone's dog.
	Threatened to kill their dog with a hammer and everyone took it way too seriously.
	This looks juicy.
	Alright, Vava.
	Baba.
	Omaka.
	Baba.
	I tried to Skype him.
	Not cool enough to talk to Uber Commandant Uber.
	Oh, you're real.
	I'll do it.
	It just hurts.
	I'm not afraid of the clown.
	I'm going to shoot a photo.
	This is the Ober dance.
	You cropped his head here, shithead.
	music
	I want to go to the strip club of just Nate Obers.
	Yeah, I would love that.
	Can I...
	So it's just him, like little, dancing on your desk.
	I know somebody that knew him.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	The one that's helping me with my Lyme disease, Kieran.
	What do you mean, helping you?
	You got tested, you took the antibiotics, and then you just dropped the ball and went to Brooks Brothers and spent all your money on pants.
	No, those pants were cheap.
	The jacket really was a little pricey.
	Anyway, let's wrap it up here.
	We got any more calls?
	We got a couple, but I also have Nate Ober's Skype name.
	I'm willing to give it a shot.
	Calling about the guy that was sitting in front of the Land reporter because one of the people that was talking about his face is priceless.
	What?
	Yeah, so if you really want a good laugh, watch this little piece of shit sitting in front of that reporter that asked Trump if he thought Chinese food was racist.
	And watch his face.
	Oh, he's that little cuck that's had his ass beat his whole life.
	And his only friend is his liberal little justice warriors.
	And you can see the contempt on his face.
	It is hysterical.
	Okay, that's 2-5, video 2-5.
	Thank you.
	Thanks for calling.
	I don't remember him being too expressive.
	Me neither, but I would rely.
	I would rely on that.
	Mr. President, thank you.
	Mr. President, thank you.
	I have two questions.
	Do you consider the term Chinese?
	OAN.
	Yes, sir.
	Very good.
	Thank you very much.
	Yeah, dripping with contempt.
	Is Chinese food racist because it's food that originates in China or it has Chinese food?
	No, I don't think it's racist.
	I don't think it's racist at all.
	On that note, Major Left-Wing teamed up.
	These people see themselves as freedom riders.
	I was there in the trenches speaking truth to power.
	How is gay a visible thing?
	I don't find him as annoying as our caller did, though.
	That guy's gay.
	We've had much more effusive reactions from people.
	Jesus, there's a lot of calls.
	We went from a drought to a flood, three hours not cutting it.
	Gary, United States Air Force retired or veteran, I'm supposed to push the pound key.
	Hold on.
	All right, sorry.
	Listen, Gavin, Mr. McGinnis, I was drafted and joined the Air Force and fought the Vietnam War from Germany.
	The grunts I partied with in Germany called us Zoomies.
	Why?
	Wait, how old are you?
	68.
	Sound great.
	You sound like you're in good health.
	Yeah, I'm okay.
	Retired IBEW.
	You're not like that Indian with the Covenant Catholic schoolboys who got kicked out of the fucking Vietnam for not repairing fridges well enough.
	No, well, they didn't like me very much.
	They didn't have a pot test back then, so nothing but hash over there, but I was into it pretty heavy, and they tried to get me a lot.
	Really?
	They didn't like smoking hash.
	I would think if you're running 60,000 deaths in Vietnam from American soldiers, you let them do whatever the fuck they want.
	Well, like I say, they didn't have a test.
	It was pretty crazy.
	You couldn't do it nowadays.
	There was heroin people on base, too, and they had drug tests.
	Everybody had a random come up with your Social Security number.
	And if you got tested, you got tested.
	And what happened to the junkies when they got tested positive?
	You know, I'm not sure.
	They just kind of disappeared.
	Were you 173rd airborne?
	You never hear about them again.
	You weren't 173rd airborne by any slim chance, were you?
	No, I was in the communication squadron in Bitburg, Germany.
	Oh, okay.
	My grandfather was in Mainz, Germany.
	So I figured, I guess Germany is a big place.
	So you never went to Vietnam.
	You were fighting it from Germany?
	Yeah, well, keeping up the effort.
	When you get draft, when you join.
	I'm not trying to trivialize your service, by the way.
	I'm just curious.
	Once you're in, you don't get a pick where you go.
	I could have went to Vietnam.
	I didn't know.
	When they drafted me, I was thinking, oh, man, Canada or Vietnam.
	And I went and talked to the Air Force recruiter and the Navy recruiter because I figured you got to bed at least.
	And they called me.
	They said, no, we're all booked up for about six months because of the draft.
	And I get the draft notice and I was 38 and I was supposed to report in two weeks.
	And the Air Force recruiter called me and said, we had a guy drop out.
	Would you like to take his place?
	And I go, yeah.
	And he goes, tomorrow.
	And I went, okay.
	And so that's how it happened.
	Gotcha.
	I'm no hero.
	I was seriously thinking Canada.
	I didn't know Carter was going to let everybody come back.
	All right.
	Well, what's your question?
	I just wanted to tell you, zoomies, not pussies.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	What were we talking about, pussies?
	Well, he said you asked him the Marines are jarheads and Army's grunts.
	You know, I got to tell you, I never called them grunts to their face.
	That was with my other Air Force buds, but they all called us Zoomies.
	And why were you Zoomies?
	I don't know.
	Air Force planes, I don't know.
	Zoomies.
	Oh, okay, yeah.
	You know, you do have a trace of George Takai in your voice.
	Oh, my.
	You know, you have a bit of George Takai and a bit of Jell-O Biafra.
	I don't know.
	And a little Tom Ford.
	But thank you for your service, and thank you for your call, right?
	Yep.
	Spirit.
	Spirit Taurus and Led Zeppelin Stairway to Heaven.
	The intro to Stairway to Heaven, the guitar part.
	Spirit used to tour with Led Zeppelin, and they ripped him off.
	They ripped off Randy California's song.
	He's the guitar player from Spirit.
	Gotcha.
	And they ripped off Burt Janch.
	That whole, dude.
	I totally got that mistake.
	There's no way he'd be in the 173rd Airborne if he was in Air Force.
	That's only Army.
	Okay, we got August Friends Difficulty with.
	The Army has an airborne?
	Yeah.
	I never got paratroopers.
	Like the Navy has an Air Force, and then the Air Force has an Air Force, and then the Air Force has an Army, and the Army has a fucking Navy.
	I don't specialize in.
	Guys.
	But they're all over.
	America.
	From now on, Air Force handles all planes, all flying things as Air Force.
	I don't care if they land on a boat, where they land, that's Air Force.
	Any boat shit, all right?
	If you're on the water, that's Navy.
	Starting today, all Navy.
	I don't care.
	Marines and Army.
	Marines are Army.
	If you run on your feet, now you're Army.
	The Marines are the top of the Army, green berets, all that.
	So it's a different.
	All feet stuff, that's Army.
	All planes, Air Force, all boats, Navy.
	From now on, I've got enough of this shit.
	Navy SEALs are Marines.
	Navy SEALs, they swim, so they're Navy.
	What happens when they go on land?
	Are they all automatically Army?
	A Navy guy is on land for a little bit.
	Okay, but wait.
	That's fine.
	But for how long?
	You don't have to become fish.
	Oh, okay, okay, I got you.
	The reason they don't do that is because they do different drill and routines and they have different names for stuff.
	Ryan, I just fixed the entire military for the entire country.
	August, friends difficulty with a friend.
	Did we already say that?
	August?
	Hey.
	Hey, I'm here.
	Hey, so first of all, Gavin, I think I got to you when I was way too fucking young, and I'm still pretty young, so thanks for forming my views.
	It's pretty cool.
	Second of all, I got a friend who recently kind of just came out as trans, and I don't know how to feel about that, because I still got a one at the beginning of my age, if that's anything.
	It's not called it for trans.
	It's called going under.
	Yeah, it's called telling the world that you're kind of suicidal.
	But so he is, everyone's referring to him as this female name, female pronouns.
	And I just kind of like do it because I don't want to get a shitstorm thrown at me.
	But what do you recommend?
	Do you think I should be honest?
	It's like my closest friend out of nowhere.
	That's a tough one.
	Well, how do you feel about trans?
	Like, does pronouns bother you?
	Well, I'm basically in the same boat as you.
	I'm fairly not convinced for the most part.
	But it's a situation where, again, like whatever makes him happier, but also there's something, there's a little bit of a primal, like, ooh, this is wrong type of thing.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	How about this?
	Like, when Jordan Peterson refuses to use pronouns, he's saying, I'm a professor.
	Oh, Jordan Peterson.
	I'm a professor at a school, and I deal with students every day.
	I'm not going to sit here playing that stupid game.
	That's ridiculous.
	So across the board, I'm not doing that.
	Now, if Ryan lost his mind and said, I'm Eddie now.
	I'm Italian.
	I might just to sort of grease the wheels, be like, okay, hi, Eddie.
	I don't know, for a little while until it started to bother me.
	But obviously This person is mentally ill, so you might want to just appease them for a little bit.
	But if it starts getting on your nerves, then just fucking stop.
	This is about you and you having a good life.
	So if this guy, if being friends with this guy is good for you, then maybe appease him for a little bit until it bothers you.
	It's not like you're a hypocrite or a piece of shit if you appease one trans lunatic.
	But as far as across the board for the rest of your life, no, I'm not pretending.
	And if he ever asks you, look, do you believe that I've switched genders?
	I think then you got to be honest and be like, look, dude, I call you she because it seems to appease your mental illness, but I don't believe this shit for a second.
	Yeah, and another thing that's kind of come of it, just quickly, sorry, thank you for humoring me.
	But another thing that's come of it is sort of like, because I'm pretending with this, every little thing that he does that bugs me comes out as like, I want to fucking slaughter you.
	So I get super angry at nothing.
	It's a great time.
	Yeah, because you resent that he's making you play this stupid game.
	Yeah, no.
	Well, that's what I meant when I said whatever makes you happy, you know?
	if this resentment is building up, then just say, I can't do it anymore.
	Fucking.
	Don't do it.
	There's literally no tips.
	I can see your bulge, dude.
	Tuck it in.
	This pretending that you're a chick is brittle.
	Dude, duct tape is like $2.99.
	Riddle.
	Is there any...
	Thanks for calling.
	You can answer that satisfactorily.
	Yeah, like, what do chicks do?
	Chicks love that Netflix show, Love is Blind.
	Chicks love shows about home improvement, like, no, building, like, fancy houses and stuff.
	Chicks love reading Vanity Fair.
	They love reading Domino magazine.
	Okay.
	What the hell is that?
	It's like an interior design magazine.
	My wife loves it.
	They love looking at, like, my wife will have like 10 magazines of just interiors of homes.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Because you like decorating and it's a natural thing for a woman to nest.
	They're essentially birds.
	Oh, because that's where they're spending.
	That's their workplace.
	Yeah.
	And that's their job.
	Right.
	Like, if your house looks like shit, no one says, hey, dude, what the fuck?
	They go, what's with your wife?
	This place, the wallpaper's peeling off.
	Like, I sweep this floor here once every quarter, quarterly.
	And I just did it today, by the way.
	It's good to know.
	It's good to know.
	But this is the studio.
	Right.
	All right, next call.
	Ziggy, what the F is science?
	That's a workplace.
	I can hear you.
	Gavin.
	Yeah.
	Dude, can you explain science to me at all?
	Because it does not make any sense.
	Like, you ever read some of the stuff they're studying and like molecular cells and like, it's like, how do you know?
	You know what I mean?
	Like, how do we not know these people are just like bullshitting us?
	You mean scientists?
	Yeah, and like space and shit.
	And like, Neptune's made out of phosphorus.
	Like, how do you know that?
	Yeah, I know how you feel.
	I feel that way too, but flat earther?
	No, definitely not a flat earther.
	I don't fucking know.
	They talk about molecules and atoms, and they say, actually, the universe, a black hole, would eat itself and everything in the universe and then barf it out six billion times its size.
	And you're like, meh, that's just like a thing you thought of.
	Yeah, have you seen that?
	Like, where are you getting this shit from?
	It doesn't make any sense to me.
	Yeah.
	And they talked about like medicine on like a cellular level.
	Like it goes, diffuses through the cell membrane.
	Like, what do you have?
	How do you take it?
	It probably does.
	It probably does.
	That's a good theory.
	I was saying this to my kids today, teaching them that science is gay.
	And I said, I was reading about this article, and it said a local doctor was saying, and make sure you go outside.
	It's very healthy to get a breath of fresh air.
	And I was like, says who?
	How is the air outside better than the air in my house?
	What's so great about it?
	Now, I understand you go outside and you walk around, you get some exercise, and we all know exercise is good.
	That's a good theory that's been tested and true.
	We see fat cells dying.
	But this like fresh air says who?
	You want to know what it is?
	What?
	Everyone pretends like they know what the fuck is going on, but we don't, Gavin.
	No one knows what anything is.
	I agree with you.
	Yeah.
	Good point.
	Thanks for calling.
	I didn't try to disparage him with the flat earth thing, too.
	I thought the earth was flat for a little while, too.
	How long did you think the earth was flat?
	Me?
	Yes.
	Zero seconds?
	Oh, shut the fuck up.
	Ryan, I want to talk about Gavin's doodles.
	Hey, Gavin.
	So my girlfriend, we watch you every week.
	She sees you drawing.
	She wants to see you post the doodles.
	And also, what happened to my favorite show, Free Speech?
	Thank you.
	I'm hanging up.
	Okay.
	Free speech cost me so much fucking money.
	And I don't know if it worked.
	I mean, I'll do more interviews like the Maddie O'Dell one.
	I want to do one with this guy who just got out of Rikers, who was at that fight of the night of my talk, Jeff.
	I'll get around to that soon.
	But the whole like paying a liberal $10,000, sometimes more, to come and talk to a conservative, I don't know.
	I mean, we still are banned in Australia, banned in UK.
	If you want to see my drawings, do you want to switch this to auto?
	Sure.
	Jor.
	Jor.
	Or I could post them on the end.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Twitter and Instagram.
	Switch it to auto.
	I'll take pictures of them.
	Oh, you're going to zoom in?
	Thank you.
	This is what I'm working on right now as we speak.
	This guy with like a lot of antlers and mazes coming out of him.
	And then I also made this tiger, which I'm not very happy with.
	And then this alien with his funny ear.
	And then a very long penis.
	And then I made this this guy is sort of like a superhero kind of guy walking.
	And then this guy had penis ears.
	I was not thinking at all when I was drawing these.
	And then this guy, he's just like an ugly guy with weird balding hair.
	And then he has black tar shooting out of his boots.
	Then I was trying to draw the boots symmetrically, which is very challenging, making them both exactly the same.
	And then I just wrote the word crazy.
	Yeah, zero thought goes into these.
	All right.
	Should we wrap it up soon?
	Let's wrap it up.
	Let's wrap it up.
	Let's fucking wrap it up.
	Crazy Dinash thinks he's a doad.
	Let's do three more calls.
	All right, Max and Philly, the part that the corona.
	Max, you son of a bitch.
	Max!
	You're on the goddamn phone?
	Max from South Philly?
	Yes.
	No, Max from North Philly.
	Yeah, bastard.
	I'm sorry.
	Good.
	So, the coronavirus is really getting me down.
	I've been cooped up in my apartment for the last four days, and I was just thinking about the party they threw after Victory in Japan Day.
	You know, the famous photo with like the sailor kissing the lady in the Times Square.
	So you think we're going to throw a big-ass party after this is all over?
	Oh, my God.
	We're going to get so fucking wasted.
	You know, they tried to make that into a rape thing?
	And that woman had a whole career saying, calm down, everyone.
	But anyway, we're going to do that.
	But what city are you in?
	South Philly?
	I am not in South Philly.
	I'm in Minneapolis.
	Liar.
	Oh, Minneapolis is fun.
	This is the Minneapolis Police.
	You know that song, The Replacements?
	No, I'm not as into music as you are, but that's all right.
	Check out Kids Don't Follow by The Replacements.
	It's such a great Minneapolis anthem.
	This is the Minneapolis Police.
	Just go home.
	There won't be any trouble.
	Party's over.
	We could end the show with this.
	So, yeah, I think it's going to be a fucking party, dude.
	Just chill.
	Try to catch up on books.
	Read books.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm reading the Gulag Archipelago.
	Oh, that's a doozy.
	Me too.
	Three volumes, man.
	What an incredible writer, huh?
	Yeah.
	I mean, you definitely can't be a socialist after reading that book.
	I just got his book of speeches, too.
	I was talking about it on the show about saving the West.
	A warning to the West, I think it's called.
	I'll have to check that out, too.
	Yeah, it's just a.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	I got one more thing.
	Okay, one more thing.
	You have a pen and your suggestion box ready.
	Yep.
	And I'd just like you to be better.
	Be better.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Did you see that Never Trumper, what's his name, told Melania Trump to get infected?
	No.
	Yeah, look it up.
	Oh, I have to, it's on the notes?
	Yeah, she said something like, you know, you have to stay in your homes and try to be careful.
	And then Dick Wilson?
	Rick Wilson, yeah.
	Instead of saying, you know, be better.
	No, what was her thing?
	Get.
	Be better.
	No, no, Michelle Obama and Oprah said, be better, be better.
	But she had one, too.
	Oh.
	What was her motto?
	I don't remember that.
	It was like, be best.
	Was it?
	Something like that.
	Be best.
	Be best.
	And then he goes, get infected.
	Be inactive.
	Be infected.
	Yeah.
	Dick Wilson.
	Of course, he'll stay on Twitter.
	That's okay.
	You can hope that the first lady gets an incredibly dangerous disease.
	Well, it's not incredibly dangerous.
	It's not that dangerous.
	They just shut the entire country down over it.
	All right.
	I said three more calls.
	What was that?
	That was the first of three.
	This is James.
	Yames.
	Black people.
	This isn't James.
	This is Dalton.
	That's what I meant.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Anyways, yeah, so I found out fucking black people wash their chicken before it's cooked.
	What the fuck is that about?
	Sounds hygienic and great.
	Wait, don't we do that?
	Dude, bacteria gets fucking killed off when you cook your chicken.
	You pull it out of the package, you fucking cut it up, and you cook it.
	They wash their chicken.
	What the fuck is that about?
	I've never heard that.
	Also, look it up.
	That's weird.
	Also, Gavin, fucking Kimmy Gustafson.
	Kimmy.
	Big Kimmy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Fucking, I went to school with her fucking kids, buddy.
	Me and the boys are cracking up when you mentioned that.
	We're cracking the fuck up.
	I fucking went to school with all of her kids.
	I feel terrible that I mentioned her real name.
	I hope this doesn't blow up in her face.
	I mean, she's had a very terrible life, and she really neglected those kids.
	Those kids seem like wonderful.
	Are they well-adjusted, good kids?
	Yeah, most of them.
	Most of them, except for one.
	So four to five?
	Most of them.
	Yeah, pretty good, I guess.
	So there's five of them, right?
	Yeah, but she had one when she was like fucking 40-something, like back in 2014.
	She had a baby.
	And of course, that was taken by CAS.
	Oh, my Lord.
	Where are you in Ottawa?
	Yeah, dude.
	I'm in Stittsville.
	I'm like fucking 10 minutes away from full.
	That takes me back, eh?
	Is the Stittsville flea market still going strong?
	You know what?
	They fucking shut that down Because they said that they were going to build this giant building and whatever, but they never built it, so it just got shut down.
	Fucking eminent domain, classic government move.
	When I was a kid, we'd go there and get like a switchblade comb and mad magazines and fucking googly eye x-ray specs and all kinds of cool shit.
	A Motley crew mirror.
	Holy fuck.
	Oh, yeah.
	Also, Jim Fannin, fucking Claudette getting married in the YouTube comment section.
	I want to hear more about that.
	Let's delve into that.
	I want to see something on that.
	He got banned from YouTube.
	He's banned from YouTube, eh?
	Oh, no.
	Fucking 10 years.
	Fucking 10 years he's been on there, eh?
	Fucking drinking two fours, smoking darts.
	That's all fucking gone now.
	No more just for fucking showing any kind of interest in this show.
	But let's be honest.
	There's no way he's fucking getting married to that chick, eh?
	Fuck that.
	Fucking total joke.
	I know.
	Probably not.
	It's fucking, it's probably him.
	It's probably just him.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for tuning in, fuck.
	And drink a fucking blue for me, eh?
	Next time you grab a 2-4.
	Oh, bud, fucking, you know, I will, bud.
	Fucking take care.
	Igav.
	Oh, bud, one more thing.
	Okay, one more fucking squeezing one in at the last minute, eh?
	I know you love it, buddy, just for you.
	Listen up.
	I grew up, my dad taught me this.
	Every man should be able, physically able, to defend his family from a psychopath attacking them in an elevator.
	Should be able to defend your family as a man.
	That's one, that's number one rule as a man.
	Yeah, and that's a great argument against obesity, right?
	Because say you're like fucking 380 pounds, you're not going to be able to defend your family.
	You're going to get all worn out after two punches and shit.
	Exactly, buddy.
	All right.
	Fuck you with my heels on, boys.
	Take care.
	Fuck you with my heels on, fuck.
	Growing up in Stittsville and Ottawa, they're very close together.
	But we just would punctuate everything with fuck.
	Like, just be going, fuck.
	Fuck.
	Steadsville Carp Road Flea Market, fuck.
	You just like make the stitch and then you just go like throwing a frisbee.
	It just means like I just did a thing.
	Taking a shit.
	It's like putting a period out in action.
	Yeah.
	It's like the way homos use like.
	Are you sure you're in Canada there?
	Yep.
	Spitsville's Karp Road flea market.
	So it's not around anymore?
	If it's on a website, that means it must have still been around recently.
	God, when I was a kid, that was like going to heaven.
	A Motley Crew Mirror.
	We didn't realize they were used for Coke.
	All right, one last call.
	One last call.
	Now, Marty's called before.
	He's calling to clarify.
	What a waste of a good last call.
	Last call for calls.
	Waste.
	Indeed.
	My wife informed me when I came back in the room that I sounded like an asshole and went to bed without giving me my offer of a customary goodnight kiss.
	I can't actually remember what I did assholesh, but I'm sure I was probably an asshole, so I retract any asshole.
	We forgive you.
	We were wrong.
	You were right.
	Please let your wife know that she's wrong to withhold affection.
	You deserve a gigantic Corona smooch.
	Oh, good.
	On the lips.
	You did nothing.
	Anyway, the supergroup thing.
	I need Owen Benjamin on drums.
	I need Nick Fuentes on keyboard and...
	And I need Owen Benjamin to coach Nick Fuentez on keyboard.
	I need Alex Jones on rhythm guitar.
	I know it sounds a little weird, but I think we can make it work.
	And I need Ryan to teach me how to play guitar.
	And then you and Ryan sing.
	Sold.
	Go ahead.
	We could do like a Lincoln Park thing where one guy's a rapper, the other guy's a screamer.
	Hell yeah.
	Fuck yeah.
	Shut up what I'm talking to yo.
	And I'll be like, yo.
	Everyone's on vacuum vocal.
	Like everyone involved.
	All right.
	Sounds good.
	Thanks for calling.
	It's a great ending to the show.
	It's super band.
	I get it.
	So we don't know what's happening next week.
	We'll definitely give you a show.
	It might be from my basement.
	We might still be allowed to sneak into the studio.
	Let's see what the government tells us we're allowed to do.
	But in the interim, get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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