Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #38 - WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

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March 13, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:24:22

GOML LIVE #38 - WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McKinnon.
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McKinnon.
	We're all gonna die.
	We're all going to die.
	This is a global pandemic to the tune of the Ebonic Plague.
	Remember the Ebonic Plague?
	It happened, it started in the 80s with rap.
	And now, if you look up like Jake Paul or Billie Eilish or anyone, Bella Thorne, they all say, yo, I ain't trying to flex on that shit.
	This is worse.
	Soon, not only will we be speaking that way, but we will be dead.
	Actually, Chet Hanks is a perfect merger of the Ebonic Plague and Coronavirus.
	Because he talks in Ebonics when he's talking about his parents.
	This is a thing, by the way, I noticed with our viewers when they send in video letters, they have their shirts off.
	Have you noticed that?
	Yeah, for Gary's mailbag.
	Absolutely.
	They think they're sexy or something.
	And it's actually kind of worse if you are sexy.
	Because now it's gay.
	And it's making me horny.
	What's up, everyone?
	Yeah.
	Yo, what's up?
	My parents got chrome.
	What's up, Chet?
	Crazy.
	They're both down in Australia right now because my dad was shooting a movie down there.
	Can you just pause this?
	Don't you love that he's being so real?
	Yeah, he's keeping it real.
	He's just so like, yeah, I know my dad's Tom Hanks, but I'm just a regular guy who got all my tattoos in one day.
	They both are fine.
	They're not even that sick.
	They're not worried about it.
	They're not tripping, but they're going through the necessary.
	They ain't tripping.
	Or any of them bugging?
	But I don't think it's anything to be too.
	They sick, but I'm ill.
	Okay.
	Worried about it.
	I appreciate everyone's concerns.
	But I think it's all going to be all right.
	But I appreciate it.
	And just everybody stay safe out there.
	Much love.
	Much love.
	Oh, my God.
	He's worse than you with your fucking you as well.
	That's not debonics, but.
	Yeah, you as well.
	Have a nice day.
	You as well.
	Yeah, he says you as well.
	We got hot dogs the other day on the street.
	Guy's like, all right, see you later.
	Have a good day.
	And Myan goes, you as well.
	And then I made up a douchier one, which is double that and take half for yourself.
	No, that was you making a joke after that shitty thing you did.
	But the shitty thing you did was real.
	It wasn't a joke.
	I was keeping it 100.
	You as well.
	That's like when people say thank you so much.
	It's like European.
	Don't say thank you so much.
	You sound like a fucking orphan.
	Speaking of orphans, I cannot recommend enough.
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	They have the topicals.
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	Have you tried the vape pens yet?
	You're a vapor.
	I actually haven't tried their vapins.
	You should try the vapins.
	I heard.
	The tincture is great in your coffee.
	And the edibles, I just gave it to my coach, my boxing coach, to steady the nerves.
	You know, a fight is a big deal, not just for the boxer, but for everyone involved.
	They're freaking out.
	This is the big day.
	That's the excitement of boxing.
	It could all just get flushed down the toilet.
	And it's more badass than gummies, if we're being real.
	What is sitting there puffing?
	No, no, no, I gave the coach the gummies.
	Oh.
	But yeah, people think that there's something illegal about them.
	There's no THC.
	There's no buzz.
	This is just the good parts of the hemp.
	And the CBD is great for sore muscles.
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	You know, pot has a lot of great qualities, but it gets you too high.
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	Totally and utterly legal.
	All right.
	Coronavirus.
	You know, I was at the closing of CBGB's, and they had a bunch of punk bands, including Conflict and Peter and the Test Tube Babies.
	A bunch of British bands flew in, which was kind of suspicious, isn't it?
	So you're leaving here because you can't afford the rent anymore, but you flew in Conflict and Peter and the Test Tube Babies and the Business and Blitz and all these British punk bands?
	Hmm.
	The real story with CBGB's is that that venue hadn't been making money for probably 20 years, but the shirts were making intense money.
	So they left Billy Helly, whatever his name was, left the venue open because it helped sell the shirts.
	It helped legitimize the shirts.
	But it was all about the shirts that place.
	And then one day he went, you know what?
	I'll just sell the rights to the shirts to Jean Vet Veros.
	And he can just make it a shitty clothing store.
	And he'll dress Howard Stern and stuff, which is what happened.
	And Chadwick Moore.
	Chadwick Moore wears John Vetveros.
	What is it?
	Varvedos.
	Varvedos.
	And I noticed all those bands.
	You know, British people see Budweiser as a very exotic beer.
	But they also see the most, and if you go to like a club in London, people are drinking Budweiser like it's fancy pants.
	And when the Brits come here, they want to get an even more exotic beer, a beer called Corona.
	So I saw like GBH and all these punk legends that are now bald that I grew up, you know, listening to, all drinking Corona.
	They love their little lime, those Brits.
	So this isn't the first time I've seen the coronavirus.
	You notice a lot of dad puns on today's episode.
	But now we had a state of emergency declared in New York.
	They are shutting down the MLB.
	They're shutting down basketball.
	They're shutting down hockey.
	USA Boxing isn't going to have any fights until the 31st.
	The schools are all shut down in my neighborhood.
	Legion of Skanks canceled the Skank Fest that we were talking about.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, they just did today.
	Yeah.
	Because I was going to fly down to Dallas.
	Should I not go?
	I was going to fly up to see Tommy Robinson, too.
	There's a travel ban in the UK.
	No, there's not.
	Oh, and I'm sorry, everywhere but the UK.
	Yes.
	And then they go, what about these people in Europe?
	Yeah, fuck them.
	People who are traveling to Europe are not leading important lives.
	No one is going back and forth from Berlin to New York for work.
	There's no such thing.
	So if you're in Europe right now and you're American, you were just fucking around on some dumb trip.
	So fuck you.
	But anyway, I want to make it clear that we have a position here on the show, and that is this is all total and utter bullshit, and we could not care less about coronavirus.
	I didn't take my kids out.
	I initially took my kids out of school before I knew it was going on.
	Then I looked into it and I saw, you know, 30 to 70,000 people dying a year from the flu.
	And, oh, this is more contagious.
	We don't know if it affects kids.
	I don't think it affects black people.
	What do you think of that controversial theory?
	What?
	Black people don't think it affects black people.
	I speak to black people.
	I have a secret in to the black community called boxing.
	And they see it as a white disease.
	That's why they're not changing their habits.
	All weekend, New Rock Center, packed with blacks and Hispanics.
	Speaking.
	I even spoke to this black dude who's like, you know, black people can't get it, kids can't get it, and it's a white disease.
	But more specifically than that, it's a Jewish disease.
	He sounded like Chuck D when he said it.
	He said, look at the lawyer that they found a new Rochelle.
	Look at the area he's in.
	What did he pollute?
	A synagogue.
	This is a Jew disease.
	Okay.
	As long as it's not, I don't care if it's a you disease, as long as it's not a me disease.
	But no, we had in Obama's era in 2008, we had the N1H1, which I think was the derivative of the Spanish flu, that killed 284,000 people.
	We didn't really close schools.
	There wasn't this kind of hype around it.
	Now, I'm not talking on behalf of Italy and these other places.
	I'm talking about America and specifically the Northeast, my hood.
	And I'm near New Rochelle.
	Never happened in the States.
	Wow, you really are getting fast at those.
	You're the new Fred.
	I was quite chilly before I put on this cardigan.
	Now I'm quite warm.
	My son, who's only my middle boy, he's only uh-oh.
	Hey, what are you gonna do?
	Situation doesn't worry about it.
	He goes, my son goes, that's the stupidest look ever.
	And I go, what do you mean?
	And he says, when your t-shirt is sticking out from the bottom of your overthrow, your throw over thing.
	I go, you mean when your flannel is sticking out of the bottom of your cardigan?
	I go, dude, you got to get a vocabulary together if you're going to be making fun of your dad.
	Bird.
	That was a good camera.
	This is a t-shirt now?
	Nice try, kids.
	So yeah, we'll do some mailbag today.
	We're going to avoid getting too newsy.
	I do want to talk about the coronavirus.
	If you subscribe to censor.tv, you'll see my interview with Dr. Shiva, the man who invented email and is also a biology dude.
	What do you call them?
	Biologist?
	Is he just a biologist or is he a bioengineer?
	I think he's a bioengineer, actually.
	So we spoke to him about all this.
	He seemed a little politically correct, if I may.
	Because on Summit.news, Paul Joseph Watson's thing, he calls it all a big lie and a bioweapon.
	I mean, I'm paraphrasing.
	But when I interviewed him on the show, he was much more ambiguous and said, look, it doesn't matter if it was made by the government.
	The point is the government doesn't know how to deal with it because they suck at infrastructure.
	Which is an interesting point.
	But I don't know, like, even on this flight I got planned to Texas next week, I'll just drink alcohol.
	Like, you purel your hands?
	I purel the inside of my body every day with this.
	How can anything survive in here?
	You're being fucking naive, dude.
	Really?
	How many deaths are we at?
	Like 200 in a population of 331 million?
	Over a thousand people were cured in Italy, too.
	Oh, really?
	As of yesterday, yeah.
	Plus, they're all oldies.
	Although, I was going to meet going to visit Tommy Robinson.
	I was going to meet my dad up in Britain, too.
	And my cousin today said, don't do that.
	You're going to kill your da.
	And I thought, well, he has had a pretty good run.
	I feel like his last words would be, thanks, paul.
	I thought Chet Hanks was laid back about his pops.
	I'm way more dope.
	This is mega Hanks.
	This is double chilling.
	I'm going to get tons of beautiful spiritual tattoos.
	God, it's so gay to have spiritual tattoos, like that Namaste thing.
	And it's always 22-year-olds getting it.
	Really?
	You've learned a Lot in life.
	You've been an adult for what, four years?
	And you're telling me that you just have to take every moment as it comes.
	One day at a time.
	That's what this says in fucking Arabic across my back.
	This means dreams and destiny in fucking Urdu.
	Destined to be a douche.
	Dream to be a chod.
	Yeah, over a thousand people cured of Kirony.
	Yeah.
	You call it Kirony?
	That's your fun little.
	Yeah, you say it so much that you have to put some.
	What the fuck are you wearing, by the way?
	Dress shoes, blue socks, slacks, and a football shirt?
	Go to a wide, Ryan.
	I don't have a wide.
	Oh, this is it.
	No, that's the wide.
	Yeah, that looks really bad.
	Awesome.
	No, you look like an immigrant.
	Yes.
	You look like a Turkish guy who's trying to be American.
	That's what I'm going for.
	The good news is Marianne Williamson has been praying for us to be cured of this.
	I'm sure you've seen this already.
	And by the time you see this on YouTube, it will be like weeks old.
	But I did not know I had a vagina until she said this.
	We pray that it be dissolved with healing.
	With healing, with healing.
	Her cervix.
	Your penis.
	She knows.
	Your vagina.
	Your penis.
	Your penis.
	Your buttocks.
	Wait, did you just say your box?
	Buttocks.
	Oh, buttocks.
	Who's doing the zooming?
	Is that her?
	No, I believe this is somebody in post.
	With healing.
	With healing.
	Your cervix.
	Your penis.
	Wait, maybe not.
	Your vagina.
	You don't need to zoom in if you're trying to be funny.
	Your colon.
	Your colon?
	Yes.
	Go wash your hands.
	How much is she kidding there?
	Zero?
	I think it has to be a joke.
	She would be a weird lay.
	I think she'd be an annoying lay.
	I think she'd be a little too like.
	Lots of breathing and shit.
	She reminds me of the lady that Big Lebowski screwed.
	And Big Lebowski.
	I don't remember that.
	But that's all you have to do is pray for everyone's colon.
	I don't think it affects your colon.
	I think she's wasting a lot of prayers on a colon.
	Although I saw that video about an hour ago and I have not farted since.
	And you farted somewhere in the fart chain, isn't it?
	What's this?
	No.
	This is a lady from Blabowski.
	Isn't that Jillian Williamson or something?
	Jillian Moore?
	Yes, I know all about it, and I know that you acted as courier.
	Let me tell you.
	That's the same thing.
	That's a totally different type of chick.
	That's like a ball to the wall.
	Let's get organized.
	Totally different stuff.
	She's laying back and she's holding her legs up.
	And he's like, what are you doing?
	She's like, it helps conceive.
	Or conception.
	Helps conception.
	Yeah.
	She's all like spiritually arguing.
	She's trying to make a baby?
	Yeah.
	It does help with conceiving.
	Oh, snap.
	Wow, you really are a great input.
	What else should we talk about?
	Is that it for coronavirus?
	I mean, what do you say?
	It's all or nothing, really, as far as the reactions go.
	You either totally self-quarantine or you just give up and say, I think this is bullshit.
	I'm of the latter group.
	I assume you are too, Ryan.
	Yeah.
	I don't think too much about it.
	We're both on Metro North, going into the city every day.
	We're on the subway.
	Yeah.
	In New York City.
	And I was at CPAC.
	I shook 500 hands at CPAC, at least.
	I'm patient zero, basically.
	I have coronavirus.
	It's not that bad.
	Plenty of us have it and don't even know.
	Like it can get onto the cell, but then it has to penetrate the cell.
	And as we learned from Dr. Shivs, if you have enough vitamin A, you have enough of an immune system, it can't get into the cells.
	It can't lock onto them.
	Is this a boring show?
	Bet DSI.com.
	Maybe for the people on YouTube, when we get to crack loose.
	Bet DSI is a wonderful betting site.
	Although, what's going to happen with Bet DSI?
	Because March Madness is a huge part of Bet DSI, and March Madness is canceled.
	That's right.
	Yeah, I heard that too, but I think it's gone even farther.
	I'm not sure.
	I mean, the news is changing on an hourly basis.
	But whatever sports are out there, you should go to betdsi.com slash Gavin.
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	And then all my script here is about betting on March Madness.
	It's really weird, too, to watch a game without an audience.
	I saw a soccer game recently that was just the, when they get a goal, and it's just, you realize how stupid sports is.
	It's just a ball going into a net.
	And then the team is very happy, but there's no crowd.
	And the sportscasters, too, seem disinterested.
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	Anyway, I don't know what bets are going on, what games are going on.
	The MLB, we talked about this, right?
	It's totally delayed.
	So does that mean it goes into like July?
	I don't know.
	Is it going to go all summer?
	That would be cool.
	Why does baseball end?
	Baseball should go till October.
	Hey, can't they just wear it like?
	It should go from now to October.
	I heard the Yankees might be starting their season in Florida.
	Anyway, go to BatDSI.com.
	He's promo code Gavin.
	I like you more than a friend.
	And We'd like to personally thank them for supporting the show for so long.
	I was thinking, what if all this shit did end up getting real?
	What I would do?
	I guess I would just throw everyone into the car and drive up to Canada or something.
	Where it's cold?
	Yeah, where do the cases in Canada?
	I have not heard anything about that.
	I don't know.
	Coronavirus in Canada.
	Or if it's not affecting black people, go get a hotel room in Harlem.
	Yeah.
	Or Wakanda.
	Wakanda's not real.
	Then never mind, that sucks.
	Remember that professor saying Wakanda is everything that black, that Africa could be if it wasn't for colonization?
	And then Ben Shapiro goes, Wakanda's not real.
	And the amazing thing about that movie is you look at Wakanda and you go.
	It looks like shit.
	It's not that great.
	Like there's one or two buildings that have really cool technology, but there's also dirt roads and some shitty vendors with like pieces of bamboo and a pot hanging on the edge.
	Like when they go to the market.
	Yeah, that doesn't look as nice as New York.
	And they have meetings on a waterfall.
	I'm not impressed.
	Especially when your top export is a magic thing that's better than oil, gas, and nuclear power combined.
	And you still can't really get it together.
	And you're fictional.
	I'm not impressed.
	I don't see a lot of fun happening there.
	No.
	All right.
	So, yeah, I would just drive away.
	But by the way, speaking of Ben Shapiro, there's obviously this funny split on the right with the, I would call them paleoconservatives, like Michelle Malkin and Nick Fuentes and the Groipers, and then the more sort of progressive conservatives like Ben Shapiro and Charlie Kirk and all that.
	And I like Turning Point USA.
	I like Charlie Kirk, but he has said some stupid shit in the past.
	So have I, of course.
	But Michelle dug up this quote of his where he's talking about us taking in 50 million immigrants.
	Maybe he's changed his mind since he said this, but what did he say?
	I don't think, by the way, and I know this sounds like a silly argument.
	I encourage all of you to fly nonstop from New York to San Francisco with your window open, you're not allowed to sleep, and tell me that we'd have too many people in this country.
	We have land after land after land.
	Yeah, it's all being used for farming.
	We don't know what to do with it.
	If we wanted to actually grow as much food as we could possibly produce, we could feed the world 10 times over.
	We pay our farmers not to grow.
	The United States of America is an incubator for great ideas.
	I think we could take another 50 million highly qualified people in the next 10 years and not even feel that.
	50 million.
	So we're now almost 400 million people.
	To bring them to a certain state.
	At least he's saying numbers.
	People, pro-immigration people can never give me numbers.
	...state in Ohio, where they have a highly functional immigrant community from Armenia...
	And some are Muslim and some are Christian.
	They came with all the resources and they fled.
	Some fled, some came here legally.
	And they are the highest per capita neighborhoods in Dayton.
	They've assimilated beautifully.
	I see that as a great success story that can happen all across the country.
	I was just in New York.
	When you walk the streets in New York and you really feel the spirit and you feel the energy and you see the shops and you see the entrepreneurs, that's the market at best.
	Where's the market at worst?
	Well, when I go to Los Angeles and I ask people, well, where are the highest rates of welfare in the city every day?
	There's a lot of immigrant communities that we have to immigration.
	We employ them.
	A country should always act in its rational self-interest.
	So if you have more people that are all going to bring money with them, or even better, bring skills with them, the country will only get wealthier, the country will only get more productive, and the country will only get more.
	But the Michelle Malkin thing is different from that.
	Sure is.
	The tweet from Chief Trump's drug.
	Can't she be fat and ugly so I can concentrate, please?
	Can't she trade bodies with the what's her name who did girls?
	Lena Dunham.
	Lena Dunham.
	Can Michelle Malkin and Lena Dunham switch bodies, please, so I can focus?
	It would help the world more.
	Yeah.
	Mass immigration into Japan and calling Japan's immigration policy, quote, really, really bad.
	Listen to this if you can.
	Are not too generous.
	How many refugees do you think Japan accepted in 2016?
	The perfect number.
	A couple thousand, ten thousand, twenty-six.
	Twenty-six.
	Japan in 2016 accepted 26 refugees.
	How about the first half of 2017?
	Three.
	They accepted three refugees.
	Here's the problem with that argument.
	Sorry.
	We're, what, seven billion people?
	Two-thirds of them would love to come to America.
	And the term refugee, now we have economic refugees, where if you're just sort of poor and your life sucks, then you want to come over here.
	Okay, so 4 billion people would like to come here?
	Like if we really opened the floodgates, how many billions of people would like to come here?
	So how about no refugees?
	It's all or nothing.
	Like, does it really help when you have 4 billion people who want to come here and you take in a million?
	Have you really done anything?
	It's like these idiots with these pet rescue things.
	I found a stray dog and he weighed 10 pounds and then we fed him.
	He's back to health.
	Did you really help things?
	It's really just a hairy insect.
	And now there's more of them.
	How many rats did you save this year?
	You know what I mean?
	Support this strict of refugee resettlement.
	I mean, this is extraordinary.
	Just 2% of Japan's population is foreign-boring.
	This is actually an example of really, really bad immigration policy.
	I mean, it sounds really good.
	To some, oh, strict borders, but actually, Japanese worst debt to GDP ratios in the entire world.
	They have an Asian population.
	They have.
	Of course, they have an Asian population.
	It's Japan.
	That they've not been able to solve internally.
	And honestly, an upstart entrepreneurial-focused immigrant community could really have helped Japan.
	They've gone far, far in the wrong direction when it comes to immigration.
	So, so refugee resettlement, I get that.
	I mean, you don't do refugee resettlement.
	So, anyway, Michelle takes that in a rage on her Telegram.
	I highly recommend you guys get Telegram and Parlor.
	Telegram is clunky, but it seems more newsy, and Parlor seems a little more fun.
	It's got a little more Instagram-iness to it.
	But yeah, that's my problem.
	I like Charlie Kirk.
	I like that he's out there in schools mocking political correctness, but his immigration stances, at least in the past, have been absolutely fucking ridiculous.
	We do not want 50 million people here.
	And I don't know if we need...
	We start with bona fide refugees like the white farmers in South Africa and the Christians in northern Iraq that are getting killed.
	Remember Ezra Levant had that Bible from the church where Muslims had gone and just shot up the church and there was a Bible with a bullet hole?
	And I'm so vain and lame, the first thing I thought when he showed me that was, could I have that?
	Like, we have what?
	How many Christians are killed every year?
	I think it's 90,000.
	So what is 90,000?
	What's 90,000 divided by 365?
	How many thousand?
	90,000.
	90,000.
	Did you do, you just put in 90000.
	Thanks, Bronx.
	Great public schools.
	Well, it's right next to them.
	Yeah, it is, I guess.
	What is taking you so fucking long?
	1,384.
	A day.
	615.
	A day.
	That's pretty nuts.
	So almost 1,500 Christians are killed a day.
	Let's get them in here.
	If we're going to take some people.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	It's less than that.
	It's 246.
	Yeah, that makes a little more sense.
	What was your first mistake?
	The three was absent.
	So you had divided by 65?
	I did.
	God, you're fucking useless.
	Oh, look, we're already out of time.
	We've barely begun the show.
	This is a two-hour show.
	We're only halfway.
	We're only half an hour into a two-hour show.
	We're a quarter of the way in.
	I can't believe we're not talking about Bubba and Hanks.
	They sent me meat today.
	Did Dude respond?
	Did you text him at all?
	I did.
	Let's see if Dude said anything.
	Dude said anything.
	All right, well, let's not bore the viewers with that.
	No Bubba until later, but free plugs are always nice if they send you stuff.
	I sent you a picture of my meat in my freezer.
	Oh, yes.
	I just got a shipment of Bubba and Hanks.
	Sure did.
	You got that picture?
	I do.
	By the way, this is an inside look into my freezer.
	I hope there's nothing embarrassing in there.
	Redoxed.
	Pastry pups.
	What the hell are those?
	God, my wife is such a hoarder.
	I tried to marry a whore.
	I ended up with a hoarder.
	I'm shocked that we were able to fit that meat in the freezer.
	Every drawer in my house, you can't open it because there's just crap coming out of it.
	We've had that same fight about packed drawers and overstuffed things since we met.
	Whatever fight you have with your wife in the first year, just cryogenically freeze that because you're going to be regurgitating it for the rest of your life.
	That exact same, exactly the same fight.
	I'll go to open a drawer and there'll be like some fucking pile of markers and I'll go, God damn it!
	I'll go, why is there so much shit in this drawer?
	And that includes freezer drawers.
	But let me see that meat again.
	Freezer drawers.
	Yeah, zoom in on the meat.
	All right, meat is a paper.
	Not the pastry pups or the fried rice.
	God, it's hot as balls in here.
	Bottom as holes.
	Hey, I think we should do a commercial.
	If I come over one day, we show some of the grilling and then show some of the eating.
	We make a Bubba Hank commercial.
	Let's take these ads by the balls.
	Okay.
	Well, speaking of commercials, I'm in a commercial with you already today.
	For what?
	For the song, Wake Up Little Susie.
	I came by Ryan's apartment.
	We don't obviously don't do anything in the day when we do these night shows.
	And at around, I think, 6 p.m., this is what Ryan was doing.
	I don't like this song.
	Wake up, little Susie.
	Wake up.
	Wake up, Lil Susie.
	Wake up.
	You're going to forever regret giving me keys to your apartment.
	That was the dumbest thing you've ever done.
	Well, it helps sometimes, but sometimes it really.
	Can you just tell us about your insane sleep schedule?
	Why would you sleep?
	I sleep after I eat a little too much, or if I'm feeling a little Lymesy, sometimes I can't explain why I'm tired.
	Why haven't you gotten a blood test after you did your antibiotics?
	Just I haven't had the time to do that.
	That's such bullshit!
	I don't want to.
	Not yet.
	Why?
	Because I'm just not worried about it too much.
	I just take my little naps.
	I get my work done.
	And that's what I'm doing.
	Ryan's been blowing his money.
	He's been watching YouTube videos on Saville Row, where British billionaires have their suits custom-made for thousands of pounds.
	And he's been watching Taylor videos.
	He's been buying shoes.
	He's got, how much are those fucking shoes?
	$195.
	These will last a lifetime.
	$200 shoes.
	These are by $30.
	Then he spends another $50 on shoe-shining equipment.
	That was $50, yeah.
	It's not bad.
	It lasts me forever.
	No one buys shoe-shining equipment, you fucking tard.
	When you're at Grand Central, you pay for a shoe shine maybe twice a year.
	$8 a piece.
	Yeah, no.
	No one shines their own shoes.
	So in five shoe shines, you get your money's worth.
	Yeah.
	All right, we're done talking about coronavirus, right?
	And we're done talking about politics.
	Oh, and we're done with the free part of the show.
	So I would just like to remind you to go to jacbd.com, JohnnyAppleseed, the number one sponsor of the show.
	They've been with us since day one.
	And we use the topicals, we use the ointment for sore muscles.
	Everyone at my gym loves it.
	We use the tincture in our coffee to take the edge off.
	You know, when you're having that second cup because you're hungover or something, but it gives you sort of like the sketchies.
	Well, you put the tincture in.
	Ryan's trying to show you that now.
	And that makes you feel better.
	And then the edibles are great around nappy time.
	They don't make you tired, though.
	They just sort of even you out.
	So please use a promo code Gavin.
	Get 20% off all orders, free shipping when you go to johnnyapple.com.
	We are now ending the free portion of the show.
	Not a very good show, I would say, so far.
	Yeah, we're holding back for these Fs.
	I mean, the problem with YouTube is we can't play music.
	We can't show you movies.
	This show is usually a lot more exciting.
	We might not even put this on YouTube.
	No, snap.
	Yeah, you heard it.
	I think we need to for the ads.
	Oh, yeah.
	All right, I'm going to slip into a string vest, and then we're going to continue to shoot the shit.
	I want to talk about I Am Jazz, the show about that Tranny kid, which is the darkest shit I've ever seen.
	And yeah, we're going to continue to go through funny news stories, and then we're going to take calls.
	So get fired.
	So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I don't like the butt shake.
	I don't like the butt chick.
	Does this go in the front or the back?
	From the front to back.
	When I was a kid in Britain growing up, all the men wore these.
	They look remarkably gay.
	Yeah, what is that?
	It looks like porn wear, like a porn fishnet dress.
	But you were hot.
	Come on, I'm fucking sweating my balls off.
	That was you.
	But what they would do is they'd wear this, the string vest.
	They'd have their newspaper.
	And then they would make a hat out of a napkin.
	And so what you do for that is you tie up the four corners of a...
	Oh, you got it there.
	You tie up the four corners of a napkin and put them on your head.
	And it just looks so normal to me as a kid in Britain.
	No, no, no, no.
	Look what Ryan brings.
	This is what Ryan brings.
	Like a serviette that you'd eat with.
	How am I supposed to tie this into four knots?
	It has to be like a tablecloth.
	It was some kind of Highlander magic.
	How am I supposed to tie that?
	Click on one of those pictures, like the guy with the string vest right there.
	Oh.
	So how am I supposed to make that out of what you gave me, this fucking Yama card?
	You unfold it.
	That's folded in quarters.
	That might be large enough as your average serviette.
	That's true.
	But it's going to be very fragile.
	Oh, yeah.
	I didn't really enjoy that intro to the show.
	Yeah, but you know what?
	They get what they pay for.
	What?
	I have a lot of the YouTubers.
	I feign resentment towards them for some reason.
	Okay, well, now we can relax.
	We're with our actual people, not our free people.
	And I have a prediction I just made the other day at the bar.
	I was day drinking, as is my wont.
	And someone was playing songs in the jukebox.
	And it's, you know, we're all old men there.
	And we're just like, what are you doing?
	I don't want to hear the songs you like.
	But we were also, as old men, occasionally showing each other a funny meme on our phones.
	And then it hit me.
	What we're going to be doing soon, you have a Bluetooth TV.
	Amazing.
	You hook up your phone to the Bluetooth TV.
	Obviously, you can't do it at a busy bar, and you can't do it when young people are out there parting their asses off.
	But when it's just like a couple guys in the day at a bar, yeah, you'll hook up YouTube to your, you hook up your phone to the TV, find YouTube.
	This is still ridiculous, Ryan.
	Well, we get it.
	We get it.
	And then you'll just show the guys at the bar like 15 videos.
	That's pretty cool.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	That's my prediction.
	I predict that would be a thing.
	All right.
	Let's focus for a second on I Am Jazz because I am so not jazzed with I Am Jazz.
	I watched it kind of high and drunk the other night and it was the perfect level of darkness.
	You know, when you're drunk, you could watch a dog being killed and you just go, oh, fuck, they really hated that dog.
	Well, you're always drunk, so that makes sense.
	Your disdain for dogs never goes away.
	Yeah.
	Well, you're not emotional.
	Although, obviously, Kids in Peril makes you cry in a movie, but I was watching I Am Jazz, and I'm usually very sensitive to children, but I was just like, this is cool.
	Like I'm watching Gigi Allen.
	This is cool.
	Oh, man.
	I just broke it.
	How the hell did that happen?
	I picked it up by the bobblehead.
	Yeah, but when did that happen?
	Ah, geez.
	We got glue.
	We'll glue that.
	Thanks a lot, Gigi Allen bobblehead manufacturers.
	Don't blame it.
	You dropped it.
	Don't blame it.
	Get the glue right now, please.
	Well, I don't know where it is.
	So you're lying.
	We don't have glue.
	I'm sure we do.
	No, we don't have shit here.
	Fudge.
	We'll get glue.
	Anyway, I'm watching it and I'm like, this is just Gigi Allen.
	I'm watching the darkest, weirdest, grossest shit that you can imagine.
	This Jewish woman adopts Indian kids.
	Okay, that sounds nice.
	And then she goes, well, one of them's gay.
	All right.
	And after lots of counseling and me explaining it to him, he feels uncomfortable with his genitals and he wants to be a woman.
	So they cut his fucking dick off.
	And you're thinking, what about the Indian woman who goes, oh my gosh, I have no monies.
	I need to make sure these children are safe.
	I cannot keep them safe.
	This is a terrible town.
	There are pedophiles in my village and they could hurt the child.
	I am going to send him to America where he can become an MIT professor.
	And then she checks in on Jazz, her son, and they realize, oh, they cut his bag, made it into labia, and folded his penis inside out.
	And then using a welding iron, they burnt two holes above his, where his pubes are.
	One of them makes a clit, the other makes a piss hole.
	Oh, that was not my plan, actually.
	I wanted to be a little more safe, a little less genital mutilate.
	To think that the abortion would have been a plus is really aborting him would have been a little less cruel.
	But yeah, show that clip that I sent you, that woman analyzing it.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Any sexual sensations at all?
	No, go back to the very beginning.
	The first second is important.
	Any sexual sensations at all.
	Also televised the possibility of needing tissue expanders to stretch out his scrotum in preparation for castration and penile deconstruction.
	That's good.
	Okay, that's bad.
	This year, TLC celebrated the total and irreversible destruction of Jazz's reproductive organs at the age of 18.
	Can I just say something?
	I hate when people are on TV and they show their toes.
	Like you're on TV.
	Just wear some shoes for fuck's sakes.
	A lot of toes.
	I don't want to see your toes on television.
	Wife Swap shows and reality TV, they've always got their toes hanging around.
	Hey, what is M-Toe?
	Why are you so comfortable?
	What are we watching?
	Toe LC?
	Nice.
	The Farewell Penis Party.
	The self-loathing is palpable.
	Oh my.
	It's a huge pop.
	Speech, speech, speech, speech.
	I just want to thank you all for coming to this farewell penis party.
	You know, for 17 and a half years, I've lived with this body part that I have not wanted.
	Just pop brain.
	Wait a minute.
	Wait a minute.
	17 and a half years you've lived with that body part that you haven't wanted.
	So when you were six months old, you didn't want your dick?
	Wow.
	When did you really start not wanting your dick?
	Was it after your mom?
	By the way, the mom is so hideous that it's possible that she promotes trans culture because people just assume she's a man.
	Look at her.
	She looks like the basis for Dawkin.
	So she's like, actually, you know, people keep asking me if I'm a man.
	It would be fine if I was a man because trans people are cool.
	In fact, my daughter was a man and now she's a chick.
	Even though I've grown to love my penis for what it is, I'm happy to say goodbye.
	So let's cut it off.
	How depraved is that?
	You're cutting your dick off and your mom is going, oh, that's the dick I made with my vagina.
	Now we're going to cut it to shreds.
	Do you think we could put that on YouTube?
	The CGI video of the sex change that we did?
	I think so.
	I think so.
	All right.
	Part of Jazz's peritoneal lining in order to procure enough tissue.
	By the way, look, wait.
	Get rid of me for a second.
	Look how shitty his tits are.
	What are those?
	What?
	Are those tits even friends?
	Oh, I thought he was...
	Tits are supposed to be symmetrical, not a different species.
	One looks like a ferret head, and the other looks like a dead orange.
	Yeah, they're like the sharks and the jets right now.
	They are not hanging out.
	Are your tits not on speaking terms?
	What happened?
	That's got to hurt so much.
	Like, you know, it's like tattoo pain.
	You know, when like it's just that dull soreness?
	It's got to be worse than that when you get your penis chopped off.
	Oh, my God.
	Can you imagine?
	And it's in your no-no zone and it hurts.
	In your no-no place?
	Stop.
	Don't cut my dick.
	This is my no-no place.
	Stop.
	Yeah, the pain must be unimaginable.
	It would make you depressed.
	I know guys that have been circumcised as adults for whatever reason, probably because their doctors are shitty and said it's the only solution.
	I was told I had to be circumcised when I was 20.
	Some girl ripped my fresnellum, jerking me off too hard.
	And he said, no, we got to cut it off.
	And I went, no, I'm not, I'm not going.
	I didn't show up for the operation.
	And I just fixed my dick.
	So that's probably what happened to these guys.
	But anyway, one of the guys was telling me that they cut his foreskin off when he was like 25.
	He made a suit that was two couch cushions on either hip with a belt.
	He found like a super fat person belt.
	And he would wear that so that his penis, you couldn't possibly bump it or touch it.
	Or even sleeping if you rolled over, it would still be within the cushion zone and nothing could touch it or hurt it because it fucking killed for like six weeks.
	Actually, I know of a baseball dad who was circumcised.
	I forgot about that guy.
	Anyway, that's just one tiny piece of your dick.
	That's just this.
	To have a sex change is to cut open Gigi Allen's head, his chest, turn it all inside out, stuff it around, then pull it with threads, touch the Christmas tree for good luck.
	And then we're left with this.
	You'd have to destroy him way.
	I'm finally in touch with my body.
	She sat with the, what's her name?
	The conservative blonde, tawny.
	Tommy Loren.
	And I wish Tommy had just asked her this one question: How is what you're going through different from body dysmorphia, wherein people think that they should be paraplegics or they should have their leg amputated because they feel born to be a crippled person, so they cut their fucking leg off?
	How is it different from that?
	Because her argument sounds good in this interview.
	Government agents standing outside bathrooms looking at people's birth certificates or asking for a physical inspection feels to me very intrusive and the opposite of what I would assume the conservatives would want.
	I really wanted to hold her accountable for some of the language she's used because I'm pretty sure you describe transgender people as drag queens or sexual predators trying to get closer to their victims.
	You know, and I want to talk about that.
	She said there's a risk of that.
	There are individuals, sick individuals, that are going to take advantage of someone and then they're going to use the guise of being transgender to do it.
	That's an adopted Indian kid.
	And by the way, that is a common thing where when people are confronted with the risk of sexual predators going into bathrooms, the people on the side of the bathroom thing always go, there has never been a recorded case of this happening.
	I looked it up.
	It's happened dozens and dozens of times at Target alone.
	This past week it happened.
	Target decided they were going to have trans bathrooms, and they had 10 cases this year of people doing making indecent proposals in the bathroom.
	Indecent proposals in the bathroom.
	A Gavin McKinna story.
	Maybe we have glue in here.
	Glue.
	Look, I have my secret coin that proves I'm a member of Harvard Lampoon.
	That's how little I give a shit.
	All right.
	So go back to that jazz thing.
	She's being wheeled into the doohickey.
	Aye.
	And it's perineum that requires daily painful dilation to prevent closure.
	The genital surgery resulted in serious complications that required Jazz to undergo a second surgical procedure.
	Can you just pause it here for a second?
	I've been following Jazz Jennings quite a bit.
	It's my new favorite show.
	She has had four operations in total.
	So that video that she's talking about was only when Jazz was returning the second time, which was the tip of the iceberg.
	Frick.
	Look at the pain that boy is in.
	How has our culture come to see the suffering of a child and his exploitation as entertainment?
	You got me.
	That's dark.
	But what?
	Oh, that was the end of the video, but it cuts off.
	Oh, I see.
	There's another video of hers that I sent you.
	This is so true.
	When people publish retractions in the newspaper, you go, yeah, everyone's, 99% of the people who are ever going to see this article have already saw it.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Mainstream media, the medical community, and even lawmakers are not only complicit with, but actually celebrating the psychological, physical, and sexual trauma being inflicted on children.
	Gifted with her after effects, is she?
	Transgenderism.
	There is no better example of the TLC program.
	I am Jazz.
	The show began when Jazz Jennings was entering.
	Wait a minute.
	Is that the baby that I sent you 18 years ago?
	What did you do?
	What have you done to my little boy?
	I thought it was the land of the free and there were streets paved with gold, buddy.
	Would you take on a dark magic carpet ride?
	I saw him with misshapen tits crying in pain as you shoved a dildo in a man-made hole.
	What the fuck?
	Only identifying as transgender.
	But jazz had been exploited long before that show was on the air.
	Barbara Walters interviewed jazz at 11 years of age, inadvertently revealing the destructive ideology that puts healthy children on a path of permanent sterilization and an irreversible medically induced disorder of sex development.
	This ideology teaches that girl brains can exist in male bodies and that a child can be born a boy but become a girl.
	Sounds nice.
	Sounds simple.
	Jazz has always been a little bit of a distance.
	I told you, I heard Howard Stern saying that it's important to get them on the hormones early.
	You're not going to be able to look it up.
	Because they look better when it's time for their sexual assignment resurgery.
	They look better when they've been on hormones throughout puberty.
	Or else it's too big of a cock that you got to cut off.
	Cack.
	Cack.
	My God.
	If they cut my cock off, they would have to wheel in a dump truck to take away the biohazard.
	They'd actually just better call the zoo.
	And whoever deals with pythons over there would have to come over and just try to wrangle the flesh.
	Oh my God, there's that little boy.
	And wear pretty clothes like what he saw girls wearing and play with toys that he saw girls playing with.
	Cut his dick off.
	Was led to believe that in order to do that, he had to be a girl.
	And so he was diagnosed with gender dysphoria around age three or four.
	What?
	Oh my God, he looks like my little boy.
	His determination at the time was heartbreaking.
	Like he was for a child to say, mommy, what am I?
	Um, and look up you lost.
	Three or four?
	They made him a girl?
	Jazz began to I can handle that kids are gay, but uh then just have a gay kid who plays with Barbies.
	You don't have to cut his cock off.
	That sounds like a barbaric punishment.
	Right.
	Like some sort of weird Middle Eastern punishment.
	Wait, go back to the video.
	It was done.
	Oh.
	But I do have access to all of the episodes due to my logging in of a thing.
	It's pretty low res.
	It's getting better.
	What's up?
	Oh my God, we match.
	I do.
	Casey has been my girl for so long now.
	I just feel like we always understand each other and are on the same page.
	Did you hear that?
	Casey has been a girl for so long now.
	That's her friend.
	I thought you said my girl.
	No.
	Oh, did she?
	Down there.
	I don't know that.
	The number one problem that needs to be resolved with this surgery is my clitoris is a couple inches too high right now.
	It's like I'm taking a belly button.
	Don't you get that feeling laugh?
	You know when your clitoris starts to bleed and puss?
	She's like, no, my girl, I can relate.
	Oh, God.
	You know when your clitoris is two inches too high?
	The clitoris that man made you?
	Okay, maybe not that extreme, not that extreme.
	Oh, my God.
	But it's a little high up.
	So they have to bring that down.
	Which we learned from our CGI videos a penis head.
	Right.
	A maimed penis head that they poke through a hole that they made.
	They make a hole, cut the edge of your bell end off, and then pull it through the hole.
	It doesn't look great.
	I don't know what's going on.
	...of my vulva, build a labia minora and a labia majora.
	They're just going to fix everything, honestly.
	Hearing all these explicit details about Jazz's vagina right now is a little bit alarming.
	Yeah.
	I think that the surgeons are called your natural instincts kicking in, my dear.
	She's canceled.
	Yeah, she lost her job for that transphobic comment.
	I wanted it to be like a one and done procedure, and I've had two surgeries already, and this is going to be the third, but I'm accepting that.
	She's had four.
	Just girls talking about girls.
	Just gals, just talking shit.
	The left really hates kids.
	This is one last story I'll send you.
	One, two.
	These Swedish kids, non-Muslim school forces nine-year-olds to pledge allegiance to Allah.
	And write, I belong to Islam.
	And then you look at what Tommy Robinson is going through in the UK, where he dares to question Muslim pedophiles.
	And you think, we're really living in a child abuse zenith right now.
	All right, let's take some calls early because I always feel like we have to cut out too soon.
	All right.
	Look at my hair hanging down there.
	I'm like Corey Haim.
	No.
	What's the other guy, Corey Feldman?
	Feldman?
	All right.
	Entering code.
	Entering code number two.
	And we are up in approximately five seconds.
	I mean, I really wanted my sex change to be a one and done type of thing.
	I was so happy to get rid of my penis that I had a penis cake party where we all laughed.
	It's like a tattoo, but it's your penis.
	I've also seen parties where they celebrate their imminent, what do you call it, when men get their tubes tied?
	Vasectomy.
	And they have vasectomy parties with the same kind of cake, a big penis cake being cut.
	And the man's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, you cut my balls off.
	That's awesome.
	We got Daryl.
	Daryl.
	I'm here.
	What's up, D?
	Hey, guys.
	Glad I got through.
	Did you say that you were going to see if that sex change video was on YouTube if you didn't know that?
	No, I was asking if I can put it up on my YouTube and not get banned.
	Okay.
	I almost posted it to my Facebook the other day and I started watching it and it's like interactive.
	It shows the actual procedure going on.
	Pretty brutal.
	Wait, have you not seen the episode where I break it down frame by frame?
	Yeah, I've seen that, but then I thought I was going to post the same video that you were showing, but the one I tried to post showed him actually cutting somebody's balls open and stuff.
	Yeah, that's the one I showed.
	No, no, no, actual footage.
	Oh, actual footage.
	Oh, Lord.
	Yeah, it goes back and forth.
	So, like, I was really happy I screamed that at first because I almost just posted it immediately.
	That would have been disastrous.
	You know, let's cut the shit.
	You've got to be a little fucked in the head.
	I don't care if you're a surgeon, if you went to medical school for 12 years.
	You've got to be a little fucked in the head to sit there cutting up a bag like that, making little shapes.
	You've got to be a sociopath.
	There's an art to it.
	You know, in the 1800s, the guy they would get to saw the leg off during those kind of dismemberings was a bum.
	They'd get a bum into the medical room, the operating room.
	They'd give him a bunch of whiskey.
	He'd saw off a leg.
	And it was reserved for gross people.
	I still think that's the way it should be.
	If you operate on people, you're gross.
	As I was watching it, too, I was thinking that.
	I'm like, man, this would be an excruciating experience for me to even try and do on somebody if I knew what I was doing.
	Yeah.
	How do you not dry heat?
	Well, one more thing.
	I sent you guys a letter about your little photo swaps.
	It's kind of driving me crazy because I catch them almost every episode, your little superimposures.
	All right.
	You sent an email?
	All right.
	So maybe we'll read that when we do the mailbag.
	We don't usually do the mailbag on these shows.
	Oh, shit.
	But thank you for calling.
	But we should have done a mailbag on this show.
	I fucked up the caller thing.
	What did you do?
	Okay, now it's good.
	Okay, let's get to the next call, please.
	I don't know how they got there.
	I guess they already have the numbers.
	Let's see who wants to fuck us with our heels on.
	Hello?
	Hey, Gavin, Ryan.
	Hey, man.
	Head PE East Coast started 90s, Punk Ben.
	They still tour.
	What's your take on them, if you're familiar with them?
	What are they called?
	Head PE.
	Head PE.
	Born to Ride.
	One of their better ones.
	Bartender.
	They're like a skatepunk band from the 90s?
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	Hold on, one second.
	All right.
	We'll check them out.
	Thank you for calling.
	That sounds fun.
	Let's give her an opinion on a band we've never heard of called Head P.E. That's my fucking way, man.
	Yeah, fucking dick.
	Don't fuck with me.
	Fuck you.
	Is this a video or just a song?
	It's the song.
	I was born to ride, born to survive, I do whatever it takes to get by.
	Yeah, I love to live, I'm not afraid to die, cause I was born, born, born to ride.
	I was born to ride, born to survive, I do whatever it takes to get by.
	Yeah, that's kind of great.
	You don't have any gum or anything?
	Have you got a junk drawer?
	I have gum.
	You don't have a junk drawer that might have glue in it?
	No.
	Tape.
	I bet you've never had glue in your life.
	I've had glue.
	No, you have not.
	At my grandparents.
	No, that's their glue.
	You've never had your own glue.
	I've had access to glue.
	Great.
	We got Dean.
	Anyway, I didn't finish chastising you earlier.
	Instead of buying shoes and shoe polish, you should have spent $100 to get a blood test of that same doctor.
	Found if you still had a fucking crippling disease that can ruin your life.
	Give me the gum.
	You know, I don't know if it's worth it to do the gum.
	Oh, okay.
	Hello, I'm Freddie Mercury.
	And I met Sid Vicious once, and he said, hello, you Simon Vicious.
	Oh, fuck.
	everybody!
	By the way, um, Freddie Mercury's...
	Like, what are you hoping to gain from Queen?
	And he goes, to be quite honest with you, my real goal is to bring opera to the masses.
	And Sid Vicious thought that was ridiculous.
	So when they were in the same studio, he went, oh, Queen are here.
	I'm going to go ask him about that opera shot.
	And so he went to see, he went to Queen's studio, you know, without being invited, and said, hey, Freddie, how's bringing opera to the masses coming along?
	Fascinating.
	They're nerds.
	Queen are nerds.
	Can you imagine?
	It was just the whole thing about punk rope and anti-establishment under one roof.
	Sid came in.
	Sid was.
	All right, we've already talked about this.
	Who's the next call?
	We still got Dean unmuted.
	Hey, Dean, say your piece.
	Hey, guys.
	Just one quick piece of advice from Gavin, if possible.
	Good buddy of mine.
	I'm 23.
	He's 21.
	One of those friendships that just kind of develop that I really appreciate.
	We just have a lot in common.
	I could talk to him about you and Sam Hyde and all that shit and being on PC and not worry about it with him.
	Anyway, he's been smoking a lot of weed.
	He lives with stoners.
	Call him ask you, like, what do I do?
	I don't want to drive him away.
	And he's told me, he's like, bro, I feel like a loser.
	But I just can't quit.
	So, I mean, I need advice.
	I really appreciate it.
	Oh, he can't quit weed?
	Yeah, he knows he should, but he's just so, it's all around him all the time.
	I'll stop over there, and it's just constantly going.
	I don't smoke.
	There's so much weed in there that I went in there once and got high just walking in.
	It's not heroin.
	Mind your own beeswax.
	If you've got a good buddy and the only problem.
	No, I know, but he.
	Yeah.
	If you've got a good buddy and the only problem is that he smokes weed, that's nothing.
	Yeah, good point.
	I got a buddy that smokes too much weed and I hate that he does it.
	Yeah, He'll figure it out eventually.
	If you're in your early 20s, I don't smoke weed at all anymore.
	I used to love weed.
	Ooh, my weed.
	We got Mike.
	Wait a minute.
	I will say, though, that I had friends like me and Eric DeGras and Steve Durand.
	We were best pals in high school and college.
	And those guys just, after we graduated college, we were bike messengers in Montreal because that's the only job you can do in Montreal if you don't speak perfect French.
	And I don't know, man, those guys just got so far into weed that they kind of drifted away from me, like we had less in common.
	And it became a permanent rift in our friendship.
	I don't think I could have possibly changed that in a million years.
	What if I held a gun to their head and said, you have to stop smoking weed because I can't relate to you anymore?
	So let me just re gauge my advice there.
	A, who cares?
	If it's not affecting your friendship directly, then it's none of your beeswax.
	B, just like climate change, even if it was something to do with you, you can't change it.
	It's beyond you.
	So this could be the end of your friendship, but there's nothing you can do about it.
	I have an idea.
	Or this is one solution, though, that might help.
	You're going to fart into the microphone.
	That's not helpful.
	That's just rude.
	It would be funny if someone took that clip and they're like, TV host farts on air.
	It's unmistakable.
	Listen for it.
	You'll hear it.
	I'll play it back for you.
	So that gum seems to have worked, by the way, on our Gigi Allen doll.
	Hey, Brian.
	Everybody?
	Um, but yeah, I...
	Challenge him as a man.
	Be like, let's do some push-ups.
	Do some push-ups.
	Go on a hike.
	And he'll be like, I'm fucking winded, dude.
	You might not want to ask Ryan Katsu Rivera for advice.
	He just spent $50 on fucking shoe polish, and he's $12,000 in debt.
	That was so good.
	And he's wearing $200 shoes.
	Next caller, please.
	We got Michael from Ali.
	This is Panic Ranch, something.
	That's LA.
	You'll get long.
	LA, not Ali.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	Can you guys hear me?
	Yep.
	How are you doing, Gav?
	How are you doing, Rygay?
	We're good.
	There's a show on Netflix, I believe, that's supposed to be called gentrified, but it's Hentified, Peoplefied, like in Spanish.
	Cringy as shit.
	I believe, like, Hispanics are the most...
	I'm trying to go on Netflix.
	They're the most what Americans?
	They're the cringiest fucking people you're going to find in America.
	Really?
	I take it from your accent you are a member of this group?
	Yeah, and I don't want to snap and snap my fingers how we do during our slam poetry.
	But it's real cringy, man.
	And you got to check it out.
	And I'm not Mexican asshole.
	You just got to check it out.
	And you got to see what I'm talking about.
	Ryan should know.
	Half of him should know.
	What are you?
	Very bad, man.
	Half Irish, half Ecuadorian.
	Oh, that's a weird.
	Didn't you guys kill Trayvon?
	Don't you guys eat hamsters and guinea pigs?
	And wear funny little bowler hats?
	Just guinea pigs.
	What do they taste like?
	Well, I haven't tried one, but my grandma says they're delicious.
	And is the show all in Spanish?
	Yeah, it's just based on like LA culture.
	Like basically whatever type of Hispanic you are, if you're from LA, you're Mexican, right?
	Yeah.
	It's all the same shit.
	So it's just like that whole thing of like they have a scene where it's like the kid, the Hispanic kid that's from here has an A on his report card and he tells his dad and his dad ask him about his report card.
	He breaks out the tequila and he wants takis and hot Cheetos and he starts dancing and screaming Mexican screams.
	And it's just so cringe and it's fucking embarrassing.
	You guys just need to check it out if you want your daily cancer.
	It's a great show.
	All right, let's get cancerous.
	Thanks for calling.
	Let's watch this Mexican show now.
	Ryan?
	Everybody.
	Everybody?
	I'm going to put Jijalen back so his legs can, gum can solidify.
	Boppy.
	Boppy, why are you snoring?
	Janita beanbang.
	Meet up.
	Mira.
	I can't find the report card scene.
	Wait, is this it?
	Wait, this might be good.
	No, let it go.
	Curonari.
	Curonari thing.
	I can go back.
	For the kids, huh?
	I'll tell them El Tio Eric se los Mando.
	I mean, they love El Tio Eric.
	Siper Medicine.
	Papa, when I grow up, I want to be El Comal Tio Eric.
	Com Altio Eric.
	Will you just let me get this out, please?
	Okay, this is gonna be good.
	Kill me and this Collins sign.
	You know, times are rough, compa.
	No.
	What are you doing?
	Jio, we're letting you go.
	Go where?
	Get the fuck out of here.
	Wait.
	Am I fired?
	I'm sorry, Gio.
	It's just.
	There are enough cuts to make, bro.
	Something's gotta give.
	Homebreak.
	Cut my hours.
	You know, to fire me?
	A seamo mask?
	No, and I told you last week that I have gout in my big toe.
	Have you seen me live?
	Yes, I know.
	I've seen you live.
	And I got a baby on the wake up, bro.
	We all got a family to take care of.
	You're fired, Gio.
	What about some music here?
	Dong, dong.
	I kind of appreciate the no music, but because there could be an audience or music.
	This reminds me of Canadian TV or Indian TV.
	We had a show up in Canada about Indians called North of 60.
	That was real good.
	I was addicted to that show, but it was the same kind of corny soap opera.
	We're just talking.
	All right, go wash up, baby girl.
	What I appreciate about the no music is the opposite of what How they always had that funky, funny music?
	Oh, yeah.
	It's like, trust me, guys, this is funny.
	You know, I will say a thing about Indians is they have a pretty sophisticated sense of humor.
	Yeah.
	Even their corniest stuff is not really that cringe.
	They know it's corny almost.
	They have a...
	Alex Jones?
	Hey, guys, what's going on, Gavin?
	Hey, Ryga.
	How are you guys doing?
	It's Alex Jones.
	What's up, Alex?
	Hi, Alex Jones.
	You sound just like Alex Jones.
	Well, this is him.
	I'm indeed Alex Jones and not a black guy.
	I'm just calling to see if you heard about the councilman from the Bronx who's being investigated for stealing almost $2 million.
	Supposedly, he's been using his Albanian goons as muscle to get his constituents to vote for him.
	And if they don't, they'll be either evicted or they'll get the shit kicked out of them.
	I just wanted to know his name is Mark Joni.
	I think he's from either the 13th or 15th congressional district here in the Bronx.
	Just wanted to know if you guys knew about that.
	Like more than a friend.
	Peace out.
	Cool.
	Thanks for calling.
	That was the worst Alex Jones I've ever heard.
	And that's the easiest imitation to do.
	It could be the 12.
	I'm not bragging.
	I'm not bragging.
	That's interesting, though.
	Fucking Armenians are criminals.
	I was at a steakhouse, and this Armenian guy came in screaming about people parking at his, he owns a mechanic's garage next to the restaurant.
	Oh, doesn't he look corrupt?
	No, me?
	And he was screaming, people are parking in front of my place.
	I've had enough.
	And then the waiters grabbed him, grabbed him by the neck, and he was knocking over stuff, and they ripped him out of there, and they threw him away.
	That was set up?
	Well, the waiters were all Armenian.
	And if you park at the mechanics, you don't pay for the valet parking at the steakhouse.
	So there's an incentive there for someone to come in.
	They ended up calling the cops, which confused me, because that's a real commitment to a bit.
	But he had been long gone at that point.
	What are they going to do?
	Give a description.
	But if you know that there's no crime being committed, there was no crime.
	He was just kind of being yeah, I guess it was yelling in a restaurant, is the crime.
	So, yeah, it was totally fake.
	This is the problem with a lot of these immigrants we bring in here.
	They come from places where corruption and lies is normal, and then we just assume they're like us and they don't have fake panic attacks at restaurants to encourage valet parking.
	That's how guys talk to one another.
	All right, we got Brian.
	Hello.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, man.
	Hey.
	All right.
	First of all, Gavin, you got to cut the shit out about long hair.
	Long hair is great.
	You know, you could wear it.
	Maybe man buns are gay, but ponytails, you know, letting long hair fall down.
	The chicks love it.
	You know, I was able to.
	Listen to yourself.
	Long hair, letting it hang down.
	You're bragging about ponytails.
	Listen to yourself.
	You know, you've got to deal with it.
	How is this any different from your gay ass mustache?
	Well, my mustache is here because I have a beard hiding my weak chin.
	And so I grow a mustache out so I just don't have a boring beard.
	But it's all about necessity.
	Long hair is superfluous.
	And if you're putting it in a ponytail.
	The mustache is definitely superfluous.
	You don't need that curly shit on there.
	Yeah, that's a valid point.
	But we're talking about maybe a half inch of curl.
	Long hair comes down like a foot.
	Well, not necessarily.
	I guess there's a range of long hair.
	I mean, once you're past the shoulder blades, it's starting to get kind of into cringe level.
	But I mean, I think there's room to move with it.
	But that's not even the point.
	I'm going to move past this because what I really wanted to tell you about is your theory about trans being mentally ill gays is spot on, except you got to go one step further.
	Gays are mentally ill straights.
	I know this is kind of controversial, but you have to check out this book called My Genes Made Me Do It by, I think his name's Brian Whitehead.
	He's a New Zealand scientist, went through 10,000 different scholarly articles and studies on homosexuality and same-sex attraction.
	And he's basically determined that sexuality, or at least sexual orientation, is mostly based off of nurture rather than nature.
	And there's a huge, a lot of the big correlation is people who are either molested when they're young, had a traumatic divorce, had something kind of weird happen where their male role models got ruined, people who have fathers who die in some cases.
	It's a big old crazy mess.
	I think that's more true of lesbians than gays.
	You hear lesbians got fucked by their dad or something, but I don't know if I'm prepared to swallow the entire load of gays being nurture.
	I mean, just try it.
	Like, go look it up.
	Go suck a dick and get back to me.
	That's true.
	Well, it's not about that.
	I'm not saying it's a choice.
	I mean, it's more of a psychological thing that happens when you're That's true.
	And apparently when you're still developing and you have some sort of sexual thing.
	I mean, even like Milo mentioned, he was molested at camp.
	I mean, I'm curious.
	Maybe he is retroactively saying that it's not.
	No, but here's the problem, my friend.
	He was okay with it.
	Here's the problem.
	Sexual predators tend to take these jobs like camp counselor and priest.
	Now they're out there surveying their lair.
	The wolf is looking at the sheep.
	He's going to go for the pink sheep.
	He's going to go for the sheep that may already have gay tendencies because that's the easiest prey and the less likely to snitch.
	So maybe the kids that get hit on are disproportionately already gay.
	Why are you gay?
	I mean, I guess if you're going with that argument, but I mean, there's the aspect of another thing they talk about in the book is effeminacy is another pointer to people being more likely to be gay.
	But there's lots of people who are very effeminate and they've never been pushed into being gay.
	My wife actually went to college with somebody who had like the lisp.
	He had the high voice.
	He wanted to be a hairdresser, but he was totally straight as an arrow.
	Yeah, his name was Ketsu.
	I think there's a little bit of a...
	His name was Ryan Katsu-Rivera.
	Why are you gay?
	But I think the point is that there's a lot more that's not being explored currently.
	I mean, even there was like a Harvard study that found recently, like six months ago, that found that environmental factors have a much higher amount relating or causing same-sex attraction than we'd expected.
	Okay, well, thanks for calling.
	We'll definitely look into it.
	I guess I'm open to that.
	Just my experience has been that in the whole nature-nurture debate, it's 95-5.
	Maybe God doesn't make gay.
	95% nature, 5% nurture.
	All right, next call.
	Dominic.
	Hello?
	Hey.
	Hey, what's going on?
	Since you guys did the video on the journalism advice, I was wondering if you had any advice for business majors.
	I'm a sophomore in college.
	It's just fucking homework is fucking bullshit.
	So just have any, do you have any advice for business majors?
	I have tons of advice.
	Drop out.
	You cannot learn business in college.
	Nobody there knows what they're doing.
	If you can't do, teach.
	Those teachers all can't do.
	And so you need, I remember when I started Vice, it was normal to make a business plan of five to ten years.
	And then in the mid to late 90s, it went down to five years.
	Then after Amazon and the dot-com boom of 2000 changed everything, business plans were two years.
	Today, no one wants to see a business plan that's even a year long.
	So if you can't make a two-year business plan, you can't make a one-year business plan, what the fuck are you going to learn in school?
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	What are you doing?
	I thought it was shorter.
	Just leave.
	People are teaching you are years and years Behind.
	You want to learn about business?
	Intern, intern for startups, intern in Wall Street, the finance world.
	Work with brokerage firms.
	That's going to tell you a lot more modern news.
	And business changes, especially in this day and age.
	The economy, the business world is changing on a dime every second this past week has been a 90 degree turn.
	So to sit there in class and read books about the economy seems really fucking retarded to me, especially in the big tech world.
	So my advice to you, sir, is drop the fuck out.
	All right.
	Thank you so much.
	I've been loving your content forever.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	Right.
	What did he say at the end?
	He said he would like to have sex with me while wearing women's stilettos.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.
	I don't wanna ride anything down.
	Amy.
	Amy.
	Hey, y'all.
	I'm calling you.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hi.
	Hey, how's it going?
	Love the show.
	Thanks.
	Yeah.
	So if Ryan checks his Instagram, he'll find a picture of a school bus here in Austin, Texas with the gay pride flag posted on the side.
	Pretty perfect.
	It's really interesting just going on the notion of sexualizing children.
	It says safe, supported, and inclusive on the side.
	We thought that this was just more of like a California thing or an East Coast thing, but yeah.
	It kind of relates to that last caller in that he's taking business in college and business has changed on a yearly basis, so he's learning ancient Chinese secrets.
	But with sexuality, yes, gay kids did get bullied in the 50s and 60s and even the 70s.
	They got bullied.
	And it would be nice for one of those gay kids back in 1972 to be in a rainbow bus where he wasn't a loser for once and people didn't want to beat the shit out of him.
	However, in 2020, the pendulum has swung the other way and now it's uncool to be straight.
	So to have drag queen story hour and rainbow buses, they're all totally redundant.
	They're talking about an America that died decades ago.
	Right.
	And it just goes on the notion of, you know, I definitely think some people are definitely born gay, but, you know, how much of our culture, our societal culture is influencing people's sexuality.
	Yeah, and making them take hormones.
	I mean, we just watched Jazz Jennings crying her eyes out in a wheelchair with lopsided tits, heading back to the hospital again because the giant bullet hole, the giant war wound, the giant grenade in her crotch isn't healing properly.
	How do you think, just as a parent, I don't have, my husband and I don't have kids yet, but just as a parent, because these are things I worry about as a future mother, but how do you think that we can combat or counteract these kinds of things?
	Of course, we want to make our children feel safe, but we don't need to sexualize young kids getting on a school bus in kindergarten.
	Well, Michelle Malkin said to me today that that ship has sailed, and the only thing you can do is homeschool because the progressive left has taken over the educational world entirely and they're brainwashing our kids.
	I don't have time for that, and I think homeschooling might hurt my relationship with my kids.
	So what I do is I try to deprogram them when they get home and just sort of unwind all the shit that gets stuffed in there because it is relentless.
	But I think the important thing as a parent is just to always be there for your kids, explaining that, you know, at church today when they said that a gun killed Martin Luther King, they weren't telling you the whole story.
	Martin Luther King loved guns, blah, blah, blah.
	You know, constantly updating them on the truth.
	All right, cool.
	All right.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, one more thing.
	My husband.
	Rate my wife, dude.
	Check Ryan's Instagram.
	Thanks.
	Okay.
	Hey, callers.
	Bye.
	This has happened twice now.
	The word, you know how 15 sounds like 50?
	And you got to really clarify?
	Rate sounds a hell of a lot like rape.
	Yeah, why would we rate her?
	So when you say rate my wife, I often hear rape.
	No, he did say rape.
	No, he didn't.
	Yes, he did, dude.
	Would it make sense for us to just sit here and say, oh, she's a five out of 10?
	Or would it make more sense to rape?
	Okay.
	Wow, you're really good at logic, right?
	I have headphones on.
	I could hear it clearly.
	I guess we'll break the travel embargo and head down to Austin and risk going to jail for 20 years.
	He sent pictures of her.
	Yes.
	It's kind of weird to say rate your wife.
	I would hate that.
	That would never do.
	I guess when you love your wife, you don't give a shit what people say.
	Maybe.
	So have you got a picture?
	Well, those are some bazooms.
	That's a boner sound.
	I mean, that's hard to say in that picture, right?
	Obviously, the tits are skewing her number high.
	That looks like a solid 7.
	Wow.
	8.9?
	Yeah, yeah.
	High sevens for sure.
	High, high sevens.
	Eight territory.
	I can't see the face, though.
	Is there another picture?
	All right.
	There is not.
	That is the only picture.
	Why are you eight?
	You know what we used to do, by the way?
	This is a great way to pick up chicks.
	Me and my buddy Derek, when we saw a beautiful woman, we would pretend that we were having a heart attack.
	And so we would see her and go, oh my God.
	And then the other guy would get mad at her.
	So the other guy would be holding his friend up, going, you see what you did here?
	Could you be a little less attractive, please?
	My God.
	He's got eyeballs, you know?
	They always giggle.
	That's hilarious.
	And you, the Lower East Side, back in the early aughts where I lived in New York City, it was like a little community.
	And there was Max Fish was the main bar, and there was 3A and Manitoba's and 2A and Lucy's and Doc Holidays.
	Anyway, there was like sort of nice Gallettis.
	There was like 10 bars we all frequented.
	So you put out your business card like that with that kind of joke.
	And they come back around.
	And she sees you now at the bar, like could be two days later.
	And you're like, oh my God, it's her again.
	Ma'am, I think it'd be time for an apology right now.
	My friend is still recovering.
	He has cataracts now.
	It feels like that little area kind of feels like a big house, a big outdoor house where each store is like its own little apartment because all the streets are all small.
	Yeah, it is a little, it's almost like it's the East Village.
	But I should also say, while I'm giving advice, I'm talking about me 20 years ago, and I did dip my toes back in the water, as I told you, and it was the most embarrassing thing you could imagine.
	How do you get an alligator to not bite you when you dip your toes in the water?
	So I'm just sort of telling, like, imagine a geriatric who was in the MLB, who's like 90 now, and was like, I was throwing a fastball at 90 miles an hour was a slow day.
	I'd be disappointed with 90.
	100 was my median.
	48, 45, 100.
	By the way, viewers have been sending us examples of people saying 40, 45, 45.
	Yes.
	There's thousands.
	And it's very.
	There's about 40.
	45, 40, 45 examples.
	Yeah, there's about 40.
	48, 45, 45, 40, maybe, 40, 45.
	All right, next call.
	All right.
	Kristen, girl, you are on the show.
	Girl.
	Oh, thanks a lot, Ryan.
	Your name is John, isn't it?
	Only between your legs.
	Gotcha.
	Let's talk.
	Perfect.
	Let's talk.
	Hey, so anyway, you were talking last week at CPAC, and you wanted to know who the little troll was that was walking around the little beret.
	Did I?
	You got it?
	Who's a big?
	Ryan.
	Beret?
	Yeah, when big...
	Anyway, her name's Molly Jung Fast.
	And she hangs out with this guy, Michelangelo Signorali.
	I was wondering if you know anything about this guy.
	Oh, Molly Jung Fast.
	She's that.
	She's obsessed with Proud Boys.
	She was with Jared Holt.
	She was with Jared Holt.
	She's the one who went whoomput when I asked if he was gay.
	God, she is an ugly old bag.
	She's way too.
	She's got a horrible vocal fry, too.
	Ech.
	God, so many of these title tale journalists are really just ugly nerds pell-bent on revenge.
	Yeah, I definitely know that name.
	But what was your question?
	There wasn't a question, but you asked all of us if you could find out who the little troll was that was at CPAC following you around.
	So I found out for you.
	Wait a minute.
	Is that Molly Jung?
	Molly Jung?
	Junk fast, yeah.
	She was wearing beret that day.
	Wait, that looks different than the girl.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute.
	There was two of them.
	This is different than the girl who was next to Jared Holt.
	Her hair is bright red now.
	Yeah, that's not the little midget that was next to me and Jared.
	Hey, guys, this is a clip from Censor.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Let's do our own research here.
	Yeah, that girl right there is not Molly Jong Fast.
	Go back, go back.
	Okay.
	No, that looks like a fat or weird.
	No, that's a fat old lady.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you're wrong, dude.
	I like how confident he is, too.
	Yeah, well, you asked, and I found.
	So, yeah, that girl, Molly Jong Fast is young.
	That woman's probably older than me.
	She's probably 54.
	I might give her 49.
	That one right there is like 32.
	Yeah, that's not her.
	There was a woman that looked exactly like her.
	Terrible research.
	Did you notice that?
	Look, there's another one.
	That one to the left without the beret.
	Look, look, there's one with a beanie, one without any headwear.
	See, look at those.
	Oh, the one with the beanies on the left.
	Well, I obviously can't see anything.
	That might be Molly Jung Fast right there.
	Where?
	The one that the camera's on right now.
	No.
	Because there's two beanie women.
	Look.
	Oh, I see.
	See, there's the beanie, and then the other one is Keep going?
	Sure.
	I think we do.
	Here, coming up.
	It's really hard to get a nice...
	All right, that is Molly Jungfast.
	He's right, I'm wrong.
	But that's not the beret, that's a beanie.
	You fucking idiot.
	Is it?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, so he confused me because the other one had a genuine beret on.
	Yeah, this is a non-genuine.
	Yeah, that's not who I was talking about, sir.
	I was talking about the one next to Jared Holt, the fat, ugly.
	Look at those pussies.
	They don't know where to look.
	Let's go.
	Looks like they get a meal.
	And I like how pencil legs there.
	What's his name?
	I don't know.
	Zach Pizzalati or something from Daily Beast.
	When I was yelling at Will Summer at first, he stood in front of Will Summer like that and spread his legs.
	And I go, what is this pencil leg security?
	And he immediately capitulated and went, yeah, what am I doing?
	I'm not going to fight him.
	They don't know how to...
	That guy's never been in a fight in his life.
	And Jared Hold has only ever been beat up.
	Hands in the pockets, hand on the cannon.
	Look at that.
	Both hands in the other pockets.
	Giant cameras.
	That guy took out his little notebook, body language.
	Going not so strong.
	Fun times.
	Good times.
	We had a lot of fun, didn't we?
	I got a lot of subscribers, by the way.
	Sure.
	Ezra Levant was like, what have you done?
	You've been kicked out of a Trump event.
	Now you're a total pariah.
	What have you done?
	You're a total pariah.
	I don't know.
	I got 300 subscribers.
	That's 30 grand.
	We have a favorite of the show, Jim Fennin.
	Oh, you may.
	Favorite.
	I don't know about favorite, but I love rape your wife.
	But vocal fry is annoying as fuck, man.
	But how did it become Let Me Fuck You With Your Hills On?
	Or I Wanna fuck you?
	Because the song's let me.
	Does she ever say I want it in the song?
	Is that like a beat-me-up scotch?
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	Yeah, good point.
	Thank you.
	Good point.
	We've mischaracterized it.
	Your drops have entered my life.
	Like, why are you gay?
	I'm saying that all over the place.
	Like at the cashier checking out, how dear you and Mikey, even the make-em say yes.
	But, oh, a letter canny drop to for, to be fair, man.
	I don't know.
	You guys must not be up in your letter canny because every time you guys say, to be fair, I hear a letter can he drop.
	I did that Mikey six second clip, just all Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.
	Less than 10 words, six seconds, demonetized.
	So none of the Claudia calls are demonetized.
	So I split one, a Tommy video by them with no description or no tags or anything like that.
	Obviously, no name.
	You can't put Tommy Robinson in there.
	But I put his last update up and it remained monetized.
	I couldn't believe it.
	But dude, I posted you dancing around the other night, fat ass, all winded like you smoke a pack a day, and I called it, I'm gay for Gavin.
	Here's why.
	And I'll tell you straight up, man.
	If I was gay, I'd totally, totally not be into you.
	I'm more of like a Bert Kreischer kind of guy, I think, you know, like funny, authentically sweet.
	How's it going with your fiancé?
	Aren't you getting married?
	Is that thing still going down?
	I'm not allowed to talk about it tonight, but who wants a tight boy if you're gay?
	You want a fat ass that you got easy access to?
	Wait, you're not allowed to talk about your imminent marriage?
	Well, what do you want to know?
	Is it happening?
	Well, yeah, it's still game's on, brother.
	Why not?
	Okay.
	Do we need a date?
	Yeah, we're on.
	I'm going to collect my $100.
	There's no problem there.
	And I'm looking forward to a little caller-on-caller action now that you've got some regular people coming in, calling in.
	I don't know who it was.
	I'm flaming.
	Eject.
	I'm out.
	Priest, Jim's.
	What was that ending?
	I'm flaming.
	Yeah.
	When your plane's on fire, you eject or something?
	Probably that.
	Oh, okay.
	So, oh, he posted Burke Rush.
	Maybe he is.
	There you go.
	If I was a little bit of a girl, he was a little bit gay.
	That's a weird thing to bring up a lot.
	Yeah, that was a lot.
	Hey, man, I'm not gay, but those pants are awesome.
	And then there was a youth.
	Anyway, not even remotely gay, just to be clear.
	Right.
	But, you know, then there's.
	All right, let's get to the next caller, please.
	By the way, did I tell you I'm fighting Tommy Robinson?
	Are you?
	Yes.
	What, you give him a little fist-a-cuffs?
	I'm going to meet him at his gym when we're in Britain.
	And I go, oh, fuck.
	I know that.
	I've heard of that gym.
	It's a boxing gym in London.
	And he goes, yeah, I'll go there every time, right?
	And I go, all right, well, I'll meet you there.
	And he goes, yeah, let's roll out together.
	Which is a little gay.
	Right?
	Especially boxing.
	Like, what are we going to hit the same heavy bag?
	But then I thought, well, let's spar.
	I'll bring my headgear and everything.
	Uh-oh.
	He's like, yeah, it sounds fun.
	So I'm going to say, don't fucking knock me out and don't break my ribs, but otherwise, let's fucking do this.
	I told my dad, too, and he goes, not wise.
	Really?
	What are you talking about?
	And he goes, you could get pugilistic dementia.
	It's very dangerous.
	I go, Dad, I fight every week.
	And he goes, oh, that's stupid.
	That's really dangerous.
	Do you wear headgear?
	You go, yeah, of course you wear fucking headgear.
	What are you talking about?
	And I'm sniffing gear.
	Meanwhile, the guy's nose is like this from fights.
	And he's like, I don't approve.
	That could do permanent damage.
	For example, you could have Kerus One's nose.
	You could end up looking like Lady Saw in a tartan blazer.
	And I certainly don't want to fuck anyone with my bloody heels on, by the way.
	Teh fuck.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on, yeah.
	I want to ride.
	I'm going to ride on your dung-dong.
	Let me fuck you with my heels on.
	Jesus, let me fuck you with my fucking heels on, by the way.
	I'm going to fuck you with my heels on, okay?
	It's going to be great.
	Nobody fucks you with your heels on like me.
	Great fuck.
	When I'm done fucking you, they're going to take you home to mommy.
	Oh, man, I wish.
	I have the uncensored thing of him saying fuck, but more importantly, did you see when they kept rolling?
	After?
	This is after.
	Okay.
	It's just adorable.
	Did you get that?
	It's happening.
	Are we good?
	No, I'm good.
	Okay.
	Well, he had his button done up, which probably wasn't comfortable because he got a pen mark on his shirt, right?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Let me hear the fuck, though.
	So, folks at home, you know what he's talking about.
	He was getting ready to discuss the fucking coronavirus thing, and he touched his shirt.
	And then he went, oh, fuck, I got a pen mark on my shirt.
	Does anyone have that white stuff?
	And then someone else goes, just button.
	You'd be better off buttoning it up, sir.
	I want.
	He is not just the president of the United States.
	He's the president of the word fuck.
	I got a pen mark.
	Uh-oh.
	I want.
	I'm on the duty.
	Uh-oh.
	I got a pen mark.
	Anybody have any white, you have any white stuff?
	Uh-oh.
	Funniest president ever.
	But listen to that fuck.
	Puck.
	Fuck.
	Pock.
	It's like F. It's F air Air Air Air K. There's no other letters.
	It's F Cloud K. Fucking yeah.
	F cloud emoji K. Pock.
	That is the perfect.
	That's like when you have a parking app and you leave and you go to where you're going and you go, I'll just set up the parking when I get to my location.
	And then 10 minutes into your location, you realize, I forgot to set up parking.
	You go, PACK.
	I forgot to set up parking.
	You know, I was surprised when I was in Florida.
	I was trying to work my hotel key and it wasn't working.
	And to get down to the main desk and get a new key is it's at least another 40 minutes added to your day.
	20 minutes just to get there.
	It was a huge hotel in Palm Springs.
	And it's not working.
	You're always surprised what your subconscious pulls out when you're genuinely mad.
	And I caught myself going, fuck me and my fucking ass.
	I say that all the time.
	Fuck me and my fucking ass.
	What was that Jack Black line that he said?
	He's ordering food?
	Yeah, it's in the, they're in the drive-through, and he's thinking about what to order.
	He's like, you want me to, let me just play.
	I'm going to run.
	No, no, no, no.
	Just do it.
	He's like, I'll take a cherry jubilee because I'm on a diet, but a small.
	Show yourself.
	Because I'm trying to lose the weight.
	Jack Black.
	And then on the other end, it's like, what else do you want?
	Don't offer me anything.
	Fuck my ass.
	What else?
	Seasoned curlies.
	Let me go small.
	Seasoned curlies.
	Trying to lose the weight.
	My Jack Black is...
	Hello, you don't got it today.
	But Zach Black is on the line.
	Zach, victim mentality.
	Mentality.
	Alright, so.
	Do you hear me?
	Yes.
	Do you think today's society incentivizes being a victim?
	Like at my last job, pretty much if you had a major, like, you know, bad quality, it was a good thing.
	And it like worked in your favor.
	She could just kind of cry about it and people felt bad for you.
	So you got the populace on your side.
	And yeah, you could use that to your advantage.
	When you say a bad quality, do you mean being black or gay?
	No, no.
	These specific examples is being obese.
	And this one kid was deaf in one ear and he used that like a maestro.
	He used it very well.
	Well, the other thing about victimization is it's economically sound.
	If you are, it looks like you're going to get fired.
	You tell them you're gay.
	They're not worried about a lawsuit.
	They're not worried about HR coming down on you.
	You made a workplace unsafe for gays or you made a workplace unsafe for fatties or people deaf in one ear.
	So then other people in the workforce go, that guy's fucking incompetent, but he never gets shit because he's fat and deaf and has a gay boyfriend.
	You got a straight boy.
	You just described my thoughts on my last job.
	It's hilarious.
	So then people start going, actually, I'm kind of pretty gay.
	I mean, I don't act on it, but I'm definitely gay.
	Like in Italy, they have these crazy laws about handicap people, and your workforce has to be 8% severely handicapped.
	So they had to change the definition of handicapped.
	And now, like, someone with glasses is handicapped in order to get the numbers up.
	So the problem with those people, those victim culture people pretending to be something they're not is they have to live with that.
	So that's why I say get fired, get in trouble, because I don't want to pretend I'm gay just to keep my job.
	I'd rather just die with my boots on.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	That's an important message.
	I remember my brother was going to get fired, and I said, bring in your black friend and say that this is your boyfriend.
	You're petrified at people finding out because his family's super homophobic.
	And so he brought it up to his black friend and his black friend goes, I'm not fucking doing that.
	All right, next call.
	All righty.
	We got Mike.
	Pardon.
	I'm sorry.
	Whoops.
	Quick question.
	It says, Mike.
	Yes.
	Mikey!
	Hello.
	Wait, Mike, can I...
	I think that's a fucking deal.
	No, not going to work.
	Come on, man.
	Mikey!
	I'm sorry.
	I'm here to make you say yes.
	Mikey!
	How?
	Dude, fucking call Mikey.
	Okay, sorry.
	What's your question?
	All right.
	So I was watching the horrifically painful looking penis surgery video earlier this week.
	Thanks for making me almost pass out.
	I was thinking, why are they going through all of that shit to make a vagina?
	I'm assuming you can't use it for sex or anything like that.
	Oh, yes, you can.
	Why not just cut your dick?
	No, you can use it for sex, but there's a million problems with it.
	One thing that we haven't talked about on the show is that it reeks.
	It's rotting.
	It's a sore.
	So the smell is like poo and pus.
	It's like a gangrene.
	It's disgusting.
	And then there's the hair balls, but it also has no sensation.
	Like a vagina, for a woman, it feels good to be stimulated on the inside.
	For a fake vagina, it's just like someone going like that to your shoulder with a dick.
	You're just like, stop fucking my shoulder.
	And I've also heard that the penis going in has to be the perfect size.
	If it's one millimeter too small, it's a wiener in a hallway.
	And then if it's one millimeter too big, then it's stretching because there's no play with these vaginas.
	Well, then, so why wouldn't you just cut your dick and balls off, sew it up, get a tattoo of a vagina, and get fucked in the ass like a regular gay person?
	That ridiculous thing you just said is actually much more rational than that crazy video.
	But why not just have a dick and balls?
	Get fucked up the butt.
	Gays do it.
	Hello, you've got a bass.
	Right, right.
	All right.
	Well, rape my wife.
	Goodbye.
	Okay.
	Your Honor, I understand that I'm here in court for sexual assault.
	I have audio of this woman's husband saying, rape my wife.
	And that's why I did what I did.
	This is all a huge misunderstanding.
	I thought when she was screaming, it was a joke.
	I mean, rape is consensual because he asked.
	And I thought the screaming was part of the play.
	Donnie, you're on the line.
	Thanks for adding an extension to my joke.
	Donnie.
	Gavin, hey, Gavin, from earlier in the show, the bass player for Dawkin, Jeff Piltson, is a much hotter woman than Jazz's mom will ever be.
	You know, when I made that joke, I thought, I wonder what the bass player of Dawkin looks like.
	I thought you were.
	Well, just imagine a hotter woman.
	Well, we're looking at him right now, and I think I'm pretty right, especially if you look at him now.
	Look at that blue one there.
	Dude, I nailed him.
	He's aged.
	Dude, have you seen him now?
	He's from his prime.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But if you look at him now, it looks exactly like Jazz Jennings' mom.
	I nailed it, and I didn't even know who he was.
	You just knew he was like blonde but frizzy haired.
	I just assumed.
	What's a Dawkin hit?
	I don't know Dawkin.
	What's their biggest hit?
	Dakin Medicken, Yapina Ski.
	The one I remember is called Into the Fire.
	But that's the only one I remember.
	All right.
	Well, we'll try to be more accurate with our rock references in the future.
	Thank you so much for calling.
	And let's listen to some Dawkins.
	Let's listen to Into the Fire.
	Oh, that's live.
	Here we go.
	You never saw Dawkin on anyone's vest.
	You know what I mean?
	Like on a headbanger.
	You know, headbangers would have all their thrash metal anthrax and everything.
	Or wasp.
	No, you'd see wasp.
	Why are you saying or wasp?
	They weren't huge.
	Fuck like a beast?
	I saw them in 1984 with Metallica, Armored Saint, and Exciter.
	I'm into it.
	I'm not.
	Bad sign if Brian's into your band.
	That means you got also likes Sheila E. Sheila E?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Wait, is it a video that this song is playing on?
	It could be, but I'm trying to line up these two ladies.
	I nailed it.
	I'm very proud of myself.
	For guessing what a bassist looked like.
	This song reeks.
	This song smells like Jazz Jennings vagina.
	The video looks like it.
	I love this shit.
	I'm into an opera singer.
	Hell yeah, dude.
	You like this?
	Yeah, a lot.
	You suck.
	It's rule.
	You're such a dork.
	This is what I'll listen to when I get tired of listening to Rat Round and Round, because I've almost overplayed it.
	I'll have to stop myself from listening to that song so I don't overplay it.
	Where are Dawkin from?
	Hmm.
	I'm guessing Germany?
	I hope so, because they sure seem way too uncool.
	Intu Zefayo Dawkin.
	They're an American band, yeah.
	From LA.
	Wow.
	Yeah, I've never given LA any credit for anything.
	Wow.
	They made a bunch of movies, I understand?
	But like LA Punk, TSOL, I guess the germs were pretty good, but nowadays the germs are not very good.
	Hashtag Corona.
	Steve talking about.
	question about Larry.
	Hey, old coot.
	Hey, T-Money.
	Hey, hey, I got a Larry Barnes question, but don't worry, it's not a suggestion.
	I know we're not fucking friends.
	Jesus Christ.
	Anyway, my question is this.
	Have you ever talked to Larry Barnes about fights from history that he thinks the guy actually threw the fight?
	Like, I was watching the Sphinx fight with Tyson the other day, and it looks like Sphinx threw the fight.
	So I was wondering if you guys ever talked about that or he had any opinions on that.
	No, but thank you for your call.
	I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but that's a really interesting question to bring up with him next show.
	Because I know his manager was his trainer, and he was a dude who was trying to get in with the mob, and he totally fucked over Larry and took basically all of his money.
	So he's Larry's well aware of corruption in boxing, and I assume there must have been some people who threw fights.
	Yeah, it's two people.
	It's not like a team, like a baseball team throws a game.
	It's one dude.
	The problem with throwing a fight, though, is you just fucked your whole career.
	But here's the thing.
	It's like, do I want to cash out for guaranteed money, or am I good enough to actually make it and earn money in the future?
	When do you know that?
	Like 20 fights in?
	I think it's a good idea.
	Say you're 20 and 0 with 18 knockouts and someone goes through a fight.
	You go, no.
	I don't want to throw a fucking fight.
	Is this the fight he's talking about?
	Yeah.
	Spinks.
	And you know a better person to ask that is my coach owner.
	Here, throw me my phone.
	My coach owner, my gym owner.
	He usually gets back here pretty quick.
	Wearing the solid black trunks and weighing 218.25 pounds, originally from the streets of Brooklyn.
	Can I take a quick eight?
	No.
	What do we do?
	Jump ahead.
	Let's see the fake fight.
	Wait, this is a lot of...
	...in the dressing room.
	Can you think of a famous fight where the boxer gets through the fight?
	That was a lot of exposition.
	We got the Olsen twins.
	What's up, OTs?
	Hey, how you doing?
	Davin?
	I'm good, man.
	Jersey City right now.
	Just a quick progressive update here.
	I went to about three bars this week, and they all have gender neutral bathrooms.
	What city are you in?
	Jersey City.
	Jesus H. Christ.
	Jersey City's been compromised now?
	Yes, sir.
	Just a quick progressive update.
	What's that cool bar in Jersey City that has live bands and a big outdoor area?
	I'd say Florida or Ashford.
	I don't know.
	You ever hear about that Grove Street?
	There's a lot of different bars and back bars, and it's pretty popular.
	Okay.
	Well, I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
	That's disappointing.
	Yeah, just a couple things that I just wrote real quick.
	So, you know the movie that I guess Hunt the Florbles?
	And you said it was banned for a little bit, and then it's making theaters.
	Hunter or The Hunt?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So do you ever think it'll ever get that bad or but more of a realistic view in society where, you know, maybe even, you know, conservatives aren't allowed or even where there's complete segregation to places and, you know, even like signs out in places where conservatives aren't allowed to be there.
	Absolutely.
	We're already there, my friend.
	We have Enrique Tario, Laura Loomer picked off a Chase bank.
	Laura Loomer can't use Uber and Lyft.
	We have conservatives banned from Airbnbs.
	I can't rent a house in Breezy Point.
	The list goes on.
	I'm kicked off of PayPal.
	I cannot bank.
	That's definitely already happened.
	Now, will it get to the point where, you know, it's almost like that movie?
	No, it won't.
	But I think that after Trump's election, and he's definitely winning for another four years, the left is going to come back with a vengeance and they're going to want revenge.
	We've seen that the Bernie bros want to have gulags in re-education camps.
	So we better have an arc ready after Trump gets out because there's going to be a rain that comes down hard.
	And we better have something like censored.tv where we're not relying on their approval.
	Because even censored.tv has been banned in Britain by Virgin as far as providers go and in Australia and New Zealand.
	It's fucking crazy.
	Thanks for calling.
	I like you more than a friend.
	And I want to make love to you wearing women's shoes.
	Yes.
	What are you doing now?
	Let me fuck you in my body.
	Stop.
	I don't want that song in my head anymore.
	Curtis, doesn't it look cool when I get a haircut and there's bald and then the black rims?
	Oh, yeah.
	You got a little space.
	Curtis McVay.
	Fucking man.
	All right.
	Well, this has been such a gay episode that I thought I wanted to call and give you guys my gay experience.
	Are you a man or a woman?
	Okay, I knew that was going to be the first question.
	I'm a self-loathing gay man.
	Wow, you sound like a fat chick.
	I know, and I work at a call center, so imagine what I go through 20 times a day.
	You sound like the kind of girl that I would end up with at the end of the night because I got kind of lazy.
	And I'm like, ah, she's fun and we can do shots.
	And I'll just ignore her giant gunt.
	Nobody's ever said I sounded like a pretty girl.
	No, I sound like a fat Debbie.
	A cool fat chick, though, like a fun fat chick.
	Yeah, oh, absolutely fun, for sure.
	But I wanted to call, I wanted to just, the book that that guy called about earlier, I just wanted to concede that, yeah, I could agree.
	Maybe we are mentally ill straight men.
	I've never believed once for a second that we were born gay.
	And I just think that gay people want to have no introspection at all.
	And what's easier than saying, oh, I was born this way.
	There's no need to question anything.
	I just am who I am.
	Why don't we want to think about it at all and maybe come to some sort of an idea of how we ended up the way we are?
	Okay, what made you gay then?
	Why are you gay?
	I think it's traumatic experienced as a child.
	I mean, I don't know what mine might have been.
	Maybe it's something depressed, but I had like sort of an absent father, not a very strong father figure.
	I was very close to my mom and my older sisters.
	I really looked up to them more as my role models.
	So, I mean, I don't know if that's part of it.
	And maybe there's a little bit of a mixture between nurture and born this way.
	I don't know.
	I can see that there's a bit of both at play, but I tend to think it's more nurture.
	No one had a strong male figure.
	50% of this country is divorced.
	There's something wrong with that.
	So you don't like that theory?
	The one I'm putting all my money on.
	No, you were born gay.
	The fact that you didn't have a dad is perfectly normal.
	I mean, look at blacks.
	But a lot of blacks are on the down though.
	Yeah, I think that's more prison culture.
	They are.
	I told you.
	They are.
	Most trainees in New York City are gay.
	Really?
	Most trainees in New York City?
	Manies in New York City are gay.
	Wow, Ryan, you're great at research.
	Well, they're black.
	Most trainees are black.
	I like what you said a few weeks ago, too, when you were saying, I don't know what you were saying, but just basically saying gay people are boring.
	Stop being interested in gay people.
	Yeah, so true.
	And then you said something that I've been saying ever since I came out, which is, you know, my sexuality and my personality are two separate things.
	Stop trying to conflate The two.
	That's good.
	One has nothing to do with the other, and your sexuality is boring.
	Stop making it your whole personality.
	Exactly.
	Yeah, like you do butt sex.
	What if a heterosexual guy only did butt sex and he wouldn't shut up about it and called himself Joey Anal or something?
	You'd just go, fuck.
	Will you stop it?
	I don't want to hear about that.
	Well, and I hope you call him a fag.
	I would say that's a good time to use the word fag.
	Are you from Canada's?
	Are you a newfield, by the way?
	No, I'm in New Brunswick.
	New Brunswick, Canada.
	So, yes.
	Yeah.
	You're like 10 meters away from Newfoundland.
	No, I'm not far.
	No.
	No.
	And we're just as left-leaning here as you guys are in New York.
	It's getting pretty bad over here on the east side.
	East side?
	We have as many blacks as New York, too.
	We have a lot of Africans here.
	A lot of Africans come here for our universities.
	But Halifax, the Underground Railroad ended there.
	They had Africaville for a while, and it made the population of Halifax.
	I know you're not in Halifax, but.
	I was just there yesterday, actually.
	I think they called it Africaville.
	And they only got power and running water, I think like in the 60s there or something like that.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	We like you more than a friend.
	And we would like to have intimate relations with you while wearing shoes that were uncomfortable to walk long distances in.
	But they boost up your thighs, calves, and butt.
	Yes.
	Robert.
	Wait a minute.
	James Braddock allegedly threw fight versus Joe Lewis.
	After Lewis became Chank, Braddock received a portion of every Lewis fight thereafter.
	Wow.
	James Braddock and Joe Lewis.
	Braddock.
	James Braddock, is there age?
	Holy schmokes.
	That's back in these days.
	Alrighty, let's get started.
	In this corner, we have James Braddock.
	He's ready for a punch-up with Joe Lewis.
	All right, Joe Lewis, let's see what you got.
	Look at that.
	That's made on acetate.
	The mongrel and mod before rock and roll.
	Back when we only had trumpets.
	Hello.
	Here, let me undo your robe, sir.
	Oh, let me tie it up again.
	Why are you tying up my robe?
	I'm ready to fight.
	Versus.
	Joe Lewis of Detroit.
	That's so stylish.
	I don't like that Memphis look, that train shit.
	What's it called?
	Art Deco?
	Yeah, Art Deco.
	I thought Joe Lewis was black.
	Me too.
	Come on, you bum.
	Come on, you pantsy green.
	Knock the block off.
	I'll knock your block off.
	Yeah.
	You're on a one-way ticket to Palucaville, Joe Lewis.
	I'll give you the one-two skidoo.
	You said, what about my ma?
	I'm going to give you one hell of a knuckle sandwich, you bum.
	Boring.
	Ooh, I like the little dance.
	So this is how far a thrown fight has gone back?
	I guess that's why it's so long.
	Boxing sure sucked back then.
	I guess that's why it's so long, because they wanted to make it seem like a real...
	You know?
	Wait, Joe Lewis is black.
	Yeah.
	We're just watching black and white.
	Yes.
	All right, knock me out.
	Hit me with your best shot, Charlie.
	That doesn't look like a thrown fight.
	It doesn't look like a fight.
	I can beat both of these guys.
	Yeah, I want to walk up into the ring and just knock them both out.
	It looks like two guys, you know, moving around while waiting for a bus.
	Yeah, but this guy's face is a boss, dude.
	There we go.
	Oh, I'm out.
	That looked like a good punch.
	Yeah.
	Dude, his face is bloodied as hell, too.
	So, I mean, maybe he let him take those hits, but it immediately doesn't look fishy.
	Robert.
	On mute.
	What the hell?
	Robert.
	Hey.
	Hey, man.
	That tranny show, man.
	The tranny show, it was fucking...
	You're still watching the tranny show.
	Are you talking about Jazz Jennings?
	I am Jazz?
	No, I was talking about the disgusting dick surgery show from earlier this week.
	Oh, yes.
	Wow, that really garnered a lot of attention.
	I've never watched it yet.
	once.
	It made me totally sick, so I don't recommend...
	But why did you fall in a fire naked?
	I'll tell you why.
	I just built my own house in upstate New York, and my buddy Trevor Simser, I think he was jealous.
	And I don't think it was conscience.
	Conscious.
	I think that if I brought that up with him right now, he'd go, what?
	Like, he doesn't even know this.
	But he was on magic mushrooms.
	And when you move into a house, obviously there's tons and tons of cardboard because you're unpacking all the furniture and all the IKEA cutlery and all that crap.
	So I had mountains of cardboard.
	So I made this massive cardboard bonfire.
	And we had a big party.
	I think it was New Year's Eve.
	And we had all these people up from the city, from New York City.
	And this is up in Eldred, New York.
	So there was this massive bonfire.
	Everyone's having a gay old time.
	We're having fun.
	And I took off all my clothes.
	And I thought it'd be funny to jump over the bonfire nude.
	And it wasn't, this is after it had died down a bit, right?
	So it's probably as big as this table.
	It was no longer like a big peak.
	So I'm running over, jumping over it.
	I do it a few times.
	Makes for some funny photos, by the way.
	And then one of the times I'm jumping over, Trevor just fucking clotheslines me.
	Not a shove.
	Now, his story is, no, no, no.
	What I was trying to do is shove you while you were right at the peak, so then you'd go Flying.
	And I go, That's a reasonable excuse, except that I got the tape.
	I got the receipts, motherfucker.
	And in the video, you see him going click, click, click, click.
	I tried to look for that.
	Is that available?
	No.
	Okay.
	And he hits me.
	So, what happened was he hit me right above the flames.
	I landed on the flaming cardboard.
	It stuck.
	I got up.
	It stuck to my ass.
	And I had to run to the shower and have like a freezing-cold shower and then a freezing-cold bath all night.
	So anyway, I didn't jump into a fire.
	I jumped over a fire.
	And a friend of mine was getting out his frustrations, I believe.
	That's my theory.
	That's a great story.
	Well, anyway, your new sunglasses are pretty cool.
	See you later.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, we got to wrap it up here.
	Last call.
	He doesn't love your new sunglasses, though.
	Hurtful.
	Dogs.
	Jesse didn't love her new sunglasses either.
	He said, I like your new sunglasses.
	That's right.
	Dogs suck, says Kevin Ryguy.
	I just want to let you know, dogs totally suck.
	You talked about this before, but I like to go out to the beach here, and every fucking time I do, there's some dog who just runs up on my shit, and then their person right behind them just yelling, oh my God, oh my God, I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	Oh, my God.
	I hate that.
	So fuck those dogs.
	And I want to love you with my heels on.
	Okay, thank you for your call, sir.
	Maybe we'll take a few more calls.
	Let's go through them super quick, though.
	Yeah, I was on a little nature walk with my youngest boy the other day, and I see some dog running around, and the dog faces me.
	And the owner's literally a mile away.
	So I pick up my boy, so he can only bite his feet, and I go, what's going on?
	Hey!
	And then the dog eventually ran away.
	But I had my leatherman on me.
	I was like, am I going to have to kill a dog with my little baby boy in my arms?
	Like, get them out of here.
	All right, next call.
	Okay, you're on the line.
	Nameless bastard.
	Hi.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Okay, I didn't hear my name.
	Anyways, I'll keep this real quick.
	I was just wondering if you've seen on Twitter that Antifa's talking about fucking looting and shit.
	I was wondering what you thought about that.
	When?
	Today, that, what's that faggotry?
	Salish black flag or some shit.
	And what are they going to loot?
	As the African flag for the Imam?
	They're talking about knocking up stores and shit and taking everything and distributing it amongst themselves.
	Oh, because of coronavirus.
	Yeah.
	They really think that there's some sort of vigilantes police force that's out there doing good.
	Oh, yeah.
	Fucking if you get a chance, check out Antifamous on Telegram.
	Me and a couple other Proud Boys have been fucking naming and shaming.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I actually did check that out today.
	I saw you got Unicorn Riot.
	Yeah, we've got a couple of them.
	We're going to keep on hitting them.
	Good.
	But the problem is, though, like these losers have nothing to lose.
	So you get Christian Exo, anti-fash Gordon, and you go, what are we going to do?
	Embarrass him in front of his wife and kids?
	He probably lives in his parents' basement.
	He doesn't have wife and kids.
	Well, he's got teeth to lose.
	I want to know their name.
	Oh, God.
	That's funny as hell.
	Awesome.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling, buddy.
	We're going to try to power through these calls.
	How many do we have left?
	We got about seven.
	Okay.
	Next.
	Oh, six.
	Somebody just dropped off.
	Mark, question about Joe Biden.
	Okay.
	It's taking a second to load.
	I clicked it a.
	You know, late year ago.
	Dinesh had a great theory about Joe Biden.
	He said, when men get older, they get more childlike and they start acting like four-year-olds.
	They get petulant and vicious and overly defensive.
	And that's what Biden's doing.
	He's reverting back to his toddler self.
	Where's the caller?
	You're on the left.
	Just doing anything?
	Anything?
	Yeah, so after watching yesterday's episode about dementia Biden, I had a thought.
	I hadn't heard anybody talking about this angle, and I want your thoughts on it.
	So say that they're putting Biden in there.
	He's going to get the ticket.
	And they're like, well, he's got dementia.
	He gets some kind of medical thing where they're like, no, he's not competent enough to be the DNC ticket.
	What can happen there?
	Because I was like, oh, shit.
	They can put anybody they want in there.
	They can slip Hillary in there.
	What's going to happen?
	Because I really think this is actually the plan.
	Yeah, that's a smart plan.
	Assuming that you're right and they're allowed to switch him with anyone, then this is a good idea.
	You get some retarded puppet to take the job and then you switch in Hillary.
	But can they do that?
	Because he has to be democratically elected as the head of the DNC and then also as the president.
	So wait a minute.
	If he was elected president.
	Or what the fuck is going to happen here?
	Because I don't think that Biden is going to survive with his fucking looney, creepy shit.
	You're right.
	You know, they can't.
	You know what I mean?
	So I'm just, I'm real curious.
	I want to do some more research on it because I feel like this is a ploy.
	They're going to do this thing.
	Biden's definitely not going to be the guy in the end.
	Does he have a vice president pick?
	Bernie?
	Yeah, if he gets Hillary as VP, and then they get in and they just go, Biden's not competent, and then he resigns like that day.
	Right.
	Yeah, right?
	They would totally do something like that.
	But anyways.
	I got a question, what is the, Uhuru.
	What is the last is it too late to reveal Hillary Clinton as a surprise VP pick?
	There are no VP picks, Ryan.
	We don't have a head of the DNC Yet we don't have a candidate.
	Next call, please.
	We got Mark.
	Mark.
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Gavin, I think that you might not be the godfather of hipsters.
	I would say somebody like a Jarvis Cocker would be the forerunner for that.
	That's a terrible theory.
	Jarvis Cocker came out with common people long after I had established hipsterism.
	He was one minor garnish.
	Well, I think the style he had, like, you know, the retro sunglasses retro glasses and the like Finch's clothing, that was like pre, you know, even before the Stokes came along and all that stuff.
	The Strokes.
	Yeah, I was around, I was doing this.
	I mean, we moved to New York in 1999.
	So Jarvis was way late on that.
	You have a problem with chronology there.
	Interesting theory, though.
	And also, and thanks for calling, by the way.
	Also, his actual canon was just like a couple songs.
	He wasn't really providing us with any context.
	He seems to have one style as opposed to your style, which is a little more eclectic.
	Okay.
	Anyway, next call, please, Ryan.
	We're trying to power through these.
	Hey, GM.
	Minneapolis Muslim.
	My name's Ian.
	I'm in Minneapolis.
	So I've lived in the Twin Cities for five or six years now.
	And I thought under Sharia law that women weren't supposed to be able to do anything.
	But every day I get stuck behind fucking minivans that when they're taking a right-hand turn, they're going one mile an hour.
	And it's fucking Muslim women in fucking jihads or fucking burqas and shit.
	Yeah, you have to find out what, okay, then they need to be punished.
	Let's play their game.
	Let's call the report them to the Sharia hotline, get their license plate, and say, this woman was out driving without permission, and she was driving like a bitch, and I hereby give you permission to beat her with a stick no bigger than your thumb.
	Thanks.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, you can be, you can have, as long as it's not bigger than a toothbrush.
	That is the actual rule, by the way.
	Okay, we have Nicholas.
	How are we doing?
	Are the calls, they keep coming, right?
	One, two, three, four, five.
	Yes.
	So I had a question on what your thoughts are about spanking your kids.
	I just got in an argument with my brother-in-law.
	He's a pastor, and he was using Bible verses to explain why physically abusing your kids is part of God's word.
	Obviously, he wouldn't hit them very hard or whatever.
	He'd call it corporal discipline, whatever.
	Don't leave a mark.
	Just hit them enough to punish them.
	What are your thoughts?
	I don't agree with that, by the way.
	I don't see it as a big deal either way, especially the way parents spank their kids.
	It's not like the way blacks beat their kids with a switch.
	But the reason I don't do it is because it doesn't work.
	I've read that they end up becoming immune to it, and now it's just like I might as well get it over with.
	However, I was reserving it.
	I never had to use it, but I was reserving it for something huge, like running out into traffic or trying to drown your sister or something.
	I never had to bring out that nuclear weapon.
	But again, I don't have a problem with it politically or anything.
	I just don't think it works.
	So I think timeouts, Stern talking to punishments like no screens for five days, that is a lot more effective.
	Anyway, next call.
	Jake.
	What's up, Jake?
	Hey, Gavin, longtime listener, first time caller.
	I was calling to ask, have you seen the Iran is supposedly making mass graves?
	I saw this on the Guardian.
	We could see from space that they are creating mass graves for the coronavirus victims.
	Yeah, I saw that.
	It's like 63 meters long and four meters wide.
	Whatever that means.
	Yeah, it just shows you what a backwards shithole it is.
	I don't know.
	I see stuff like that, and I see the police in Hong Kong, and I just cannot care.
	I don't care about non-Western countries.
	I agree with you there.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	It is horrific how disgusting these fucking countries are.
	Yep.
	Next call.
	We got Andrew talking about Mexicans.
	What's up, dude?
	We got a roll.
	It's cringey Mexicans.
	What?
	Hey, cringy Mexicans.
	Oh, yes.
	That one caller called saying that they're the cringiest group of Latins in America.
	Yep.
	And I have evidence of the contrary.
	It's actually Colombians.
	If you Google or on YouTube, look up Blast Beat Cast on making an authentic Colombian movie.
	You'll see the little short kid from Hannah, Montana pretending to be a Colombian Coke dealer.
	And it's just awful.
	Even the title annoys me.
	Blast Beat Cast on making a 2015.
	Fast forward to 130, and you'll hear him having like a strange Colombian English accent.
	130.
	And it's just awful.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Colombians are now the most cringy Hispanics.
	Let's do 130.
	Thanks for calling.
	Wait, I want to see it.
	Yeah, no, I gotta...
	You gotta hang up on her?
	I gotta hang up on her.
	Kind of bled into real life.
	Here's 130.
	And the Play Brothers just made it even that much more special.
	You know, I don't think that many of the scenes would have been able to be executed with the person that I had just met or was a little bit acquainted with.
	You know, there was a lot of unnecessary fighting that kind of bled into real life.
	But I think from a genuine source.
	Yeah.
	Him and Eric being, you know, Colombians for real.
	Yeah.
	So it resonated when we read the short.
	What was the hardest part about pretending to be brothers?
	I think that my 80-year-old woman uniform.
	What the fuck is he wearing?
	Some tension and some friction.
	And because it was wanted of us to it and like just kind of promoted it.
	Yeah, we promoted it.
	There was definitely some aggressive moments on set.
	Yeah, I remember them like running lines with each other and they would just start fighting and I would be like, yo, Ed Berl, the cameraman.
	Oh, that was a really cringy laugh.
	Yeah, I think story to life, especially right now in our country where immigration is such an important thing.
	All right, next.
	When do they act?
	We're way over the line.
	I know.
	I'm going late because the intro was so boring.
	And FTP.
	Hills.
	Hey, yeah.
	Listen to you.
	I click on a thing from Reuters, and you know China a lot better than I do.
	I've never lived there.
	And the foreign ministry spokesman just tweeted this in English, and I want to see what you think about it.
	It's short.
	When did patient zero begin in U.S.?
	Question mark.
	How many people are infected?
	Question mark.
	What are the names of the hospitals?
	Question mark.
	It might be U.S. Army who brought the epidemic to Wuhan.
	Be transparent, exclamation point.
	Make public your data.
	Exclamation point.
	U.S. owe us an explanation.
	Exclamation point.
	Like, am I nuts thinking that this could go somewhere with us and China in a war and not a good way?
	Yes, you are nuts for thinking that.
	But they are acting really aggressive.
	Tucker was talking the other night about how them saying, we make 97% of your antibiotics.
	We could just withhold them if things get out of control.
	I mean, I think at the very least, we're learning that China is just as corrupt as we thought it was, and major political figures can talk like daily beast writers on a public forum.
	That's a great point.
	Yeah, and say he then said, we wish a few officials in the U.S. would at this time concentrate their energy on responding to the virus and promoting cooperation and not shifting the blame to China, right?
	Well, they're saying that we're, quote, immoral and irresponsible for worsening the pandemic.
	And there's one more thing where it's another veil threat.
	Like the communist newspaper, it's not communist newspaper, you know what it's called, whatever the newspaper is, it's the Communist Party backs.
	So they did that kind of veiled threat to us.
	That's just crazy.
	They're not being very subtle here.
	And isn't it funny how they're so worried about their reputation, how they're perceived?
	I guess that's what happens in a communist country where propaganda is what keeps you alive.
	I mean, Winnie the Pooh is fucking banned because someone said the president looks like him.
	But it is deeply disturbing.
	And I think the beauty of this is we will learn in the future not to trust this fucking country, and maybe we can separate ourselves more.
	Ideally, we start bringing pharmaceutical manufacturing back to America.
	We learned our lesson here, and we stop having China make 90%, 97% of our antibiotics.
	But thank you very much for calling.
	That's extremely helpful.
	Okay, we got two more.
	If we were to stick with that, we got somebody that's been on the line for a minute.
	Okay.
	But that was after that.
	We got Doug speech pathology.
	Hurry up, Doug.
	Yo, Gavin.
	Hey, you're wrong about speech pathology, man.
	It's actually a great career.
	You know, two years, then you can start off making 80K in the healthcare industry, or you can go into education.
	Whoa.
	Okay, so that chick who's 250 grand in debt will be able to pay off her debt of maybe.
	Yeah, she's probably just a dumb bitch and went to a private school.
	But, I mean, you can get into programs around California for, you know, $10,000 a year.
	Oh, to learn it.
	Yeah, yeah, it's a master's program.
	It's just a two-year master program.
	Because she went to NYU for it and she went $250,000 in debt.
	Yeah, I'm not sure what she did wrong.
	Okay, so that's good advice.
	If you want to get in speech pathology, don't go to NYU.
	Take a $10,000 a year course.
	$20,000 will get you your degree, and then you can be making $80,000 in no time.
	Thank you for your call.
	That's some good advice.
	Next call.
	We got Christian.
	Sister Christian?
	What's up, C-Dog?
	Hey, Gab Dog.
	What's going on, man?
	Not much.
	Hey, so listen, I just turned 24, and I started listening to you back when I heard you on Joe Region for the first time.
	And you were talking about poor man's about smelling the poo, like if you're doing doggy style.
	And it just hit me.
	I just turned 24.
	I was with my girlfriend having a little birthday fun.
	And it hit me, and I was like, holy shit, I'm becoming an old man.
	And I totally understand that.
	I didn't get it when I heard it so many years before, but I really totally understand now.
	And I appreciate the four warning guidance.
	Well, you're welcome for that.
	And I would also add another thing.
	If you do too much Coke and you feel like you can't get it up and you still want to fuck her, you don't even have to smell her ass.
	Think about her asshole and think that it's right there and you'll get a fucking boner.
	Oh, thank you.
	I want to fuck you in my house on mic.
	That's such a timid one.
	Tony.
	Second last call.
	Yes, Tony, you're on the line.
	Hey, it's a difficult situation.
	Difficult situation.
	He's a fag.
	Yeah, I got a difficult situation.
	It's a difficult situation.
	Difficult situation.
	What is that?
	A fucking woman boss?
	No, it's just a difficult situation.
	But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
	Okay.
	Anything else?
	Difficult situation.
	Never happened in the States.
	All right.
	Well, thank you for your call, and good luck with that.
	I would recommend you whack the snitch that's talking to the feds.
	All right, next call, last call, of course.
	We've got, and this is a big drum roll, best call of the show I predict.
	Brendan, kudos, wife, Corona.
	Hey, am I on?
	Hey, yep.
	Did you hear that Trudeau's wife been diagnosed with coronavirus?
	I did see that today, yes.
	Whoa, I hadn't heard anybody talk about it.
	We don't care.
	Yeah, his wife's a beard.
	It's not a real wife.
	All right.
	Fair enough.
	We're going to let you know.
	All right.
	Thanks for the heads up.
	Thanks for your call.
	And that is our show for tonight.
	Yes.
	Justin Trudeau's wife seems to have coronavirus.
	So does some basketball guys.
	So does Tom Hanks and his wife, as we learned from his tattoo-laden son.
	Maybe Charles Barkley?
	I mean, I don't really give a shit.
	And I don't give a shit about coronavirus.
	I'm not concerned about it.
	I'll be flying like a motherfucker.
	I go to New Rochelle every day.
	I shook maybe 500 hands in CPAC.
	What are you going to do?
	What are you going to do?
	I'll tell you what you're going to do.
	You're going to get fired.
	You're going to get in trouble.
	You're going to be brave.

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