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Feb. 14, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:10:54
GOML LIVE #34 | WINGIN IT

This ep is off the cuff as we just wing it and talk about Ezra, Roger Stone, and Milo because we love them. The call ins are particularly good this week as a housewife schools us on the importance of chivalry.

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Hey guys, this is a clip from censored.tv.
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Okay, now to the clip.
Doesn't feel as good like that.
Kind of nervous.
Yeah.
You didn't look nervous.
I think I run out of things to talk about.
I think a ran out of things to say.
Hi, everyone.
Hi, America and Canada and Australia and a little bit of Britain.
Maybe some weird place like Brazil where some guy moved there and he fucking hates it.
And he watches this show to remind him of all the fun things.
I actually found that once when I was in England.
I was there for weeks.
I think it's when we were opening Vice UK or something, or maybe that pub, the old Blue Last.
But hearing a different accent all day, every day.
Oh, you die.
Yeah, you're wrong.
So what we're going to be doing is, and you're just like, ugh.
So I would go to the bathroom like at a pub and I'd be alone and I'd say, hello, how are you today?
The rain in Spain falls mainly and talk North American so I could hear a normal accent because I got so fucking sick.
And I like the British accent, by the way.
All of them.
Wales, Scotland, upper class, lower class.
I love them all.
But non-stop, it starts to piss you off.
Fuck.
That's why I could never, I don't get those guys who are married to someone with an accent.
I feel like that would bug me, especially some shitty country like Ukraine.
And she's like, hi, oh, I'm so glad that you're home.
We're making meatballs and schlucken tonight.
Oh, but I love meat.
Maybe we're making love later on.
Oh, my God.
One time I fucked this girl from Malta.
And as I was finishing, she says, oh, you're coming in my pussy, you fucking guesshole.
I cracked up.
Mid-orgasm.
What are you talking about?
There's like some, your wife's Glaswegian and you're boning her.
And she's like, oh, that's fucking magic.
So Goody Geez another round of that.
I hope you're not going to come soon, by the way, there, big man.
Because I'd like this for another at least five minutes at all.
You know, Europeans are usually open about their sexuality more, so it takes kind of the fun out of it.
Yeah, good point, Ezra Levant.
It takes the fun right out of it.
Europeans are usually a lot more open about their sexuality.
You sounded exactly like Ezra Levant.
They're usually open about their sexuality.
Dude, Ezra's on fire.
Fire.
He's on fire.
Ezra is, you know what people don't get about Ezra Levant?
He's a redneck.
He grew up on a farm.
And he hadn't pissed not in public.
How to piss in public, as I got that?
You were saying?
Until he was like 18.
So when he moved to the city, he would just take out his dick and piss.
And then if someone had a problem with that, he'd fight them.
So he fought?
He might seem like a chubby little innocuous Jewish man, but he's a brawling redneck.
Imagine him with a trucker hat on and some cud.
Chewing his cud.
Yeah.
That's who Ezra is.
Anyway, let's just do a quick, the week in review, maybe two weeks in review of Ezra Levant.
One, he writes a book about Justin Trudeau, the Zoolander prime minister, who is the stupidest, most useless prime minister, and a great example of why I'm so sexist, why I'm such an anti-femite.
You know how anti-Semites blame everything on the Jews?
I am irrational.
And I'm equally irrational as an anti-Semite, but it's women.
I blame everything on women.
And it's a handicap.
I'm not proud of it.
But women elected Justin Trudeau.
And he is a fucking clown.
Ben Stiller's character in Zoolander would be a better prime minister.
And why did women elect him?
Because he's a hunk.
He's breathtakingly gorgeous, melt in your mouth, delicious.
Mile-high cheekbones, beast-stung lips, gorgeous.
His eyes are like swimming pools you could swim in.
I would fuck him without a hesitation.
And if my wife found out, I'd go, it's Justin Trudeau.
Are you out of your mind?
How are you even mad right now?
She's just jealous.
If Justin Trudeau wants to fuck you, whether you're male or female, it's rape because you don't have a choice.
That's how hot he is.
Look at that.
What if that guy was like, could I blow you?
Oh my God.
I'd start screaming help as I undid my pants.
Help!
Help!
This hunk is raping me.
The Westboro Baptist Church would give you a pass.
Well, he's cute.
God hates fags.
Gavin, by the way, was not a fag.
He had to let Justin Trudeau blow him.
I mean, look at him.
He actually is bi.
What?
Trudeau?
Yeah.
You.
There was a weird thing.
He was on some talk show way before he was prime minister.
And someone mentioned a threesome.
And he had this really creepy, careful what you wish for kind of thing.
You got to understand Quebecois.
He's not English.
He's French Canadian.
He's a frog, a Pepsi, as we call them.
And peppers, we call them peppers, and that's a bad word.
Like it's the N-word for French Canadians.
Peppers are weird about sex.
Like peppers are to sex, about sex, the same way dogs and insects are.
It's just a thing.
Like they don't even call it anal sex.
She'll say like, you can put it in Debec.
And when you go to, it ruins strip clubs because strip clubs have to be kind of dark.
There's like a goth element.
It's kind of sick and wrong that you're there.
But the strip clubs in Quebec, it's just like the farmer's daughter who was horny chose that profession.
Like this one was good at math.
She chose math.
This one wanted to stay home.
She rose the family.
This one is very libidinous.
So we sent her to the strip club.
So she's there, not even with high-heel shoes on, but with bare feet dancing nude.
And you're like, this is too natural.
They're hippies, I guess, is the word I'm looking for.
See if you can find that video.
Justin Trudeau, creepy, threesome talk show, maybe?
Yep.
I tried to talk about it.
And then he looks at the audience like, yummy.
Anyway.
Is it this first one here?
Does that look like it?
Let me see.
It's a pretty good talk show.
LGB.
Is it Graham Norton?
No.
Oh.
No, no.
That's not it.
Okay, that doesn't look like a pretty good talk show.
Here's how you'll know that you have the right one.
You won't be able to find it.
Ah.
Because you're really good at finding the wrong video.
Justin Trudeau, gay and you want.
Anyway, fuck it.
So women elected him.
This is the problem with giving women the vote.
They should have the right to vote, but should they vote?
They tend to focus on emotions.
Like Amy Siskind, she's an upper-class activist, a lefty liberal, who I think is one of the worst people on the left right now.
And her and her little crew of rich housewives, they just want a woman to win.
She could be a fucking Nazi.
She could be planning the next Holocaust.
But as long as it's a woman, we're winning because we need a woman.
Because she's a lesbian.
And lesbians put feminism above meritocracy and anything else.
Anyway, sorry, that's a very long.
Wait a minute.
What do you got there?
Killian Ryan?
Let me see that.
That might be it.
We are thrilled he took time out of his mind.
No, let's see.
Anyway, sorry, I'm not being very linear here.
So Ezra Levant writes a book about Justin Trudeau that is tentatively titled Justin Trudeau Sucks.
And he did it during the election because that's when it's most relevant, right?
Justin Trudeau sends investigators to investigate him for election tampering.
This is what you get when you elect a male model.
So he's told to go to like the basically the equivalent of the CIA headquarters and speak to these detectives about tampering with the election.
You know how he tampered with the election?
He put out a book.
That's tampering.
You're trying to sway the election.
Yeah.
I don't think you know what tampering with an election means.
It has to be, you're forgetting the illegal part.
Like, is me not voting for Justin Trudeau tampering with an election?
I'm trying to sway the election.
So he filmed then, ridiculed them.
They said you're not allowed to videotape here.
He did anyway.
Spent like, I don't know, 40 grand in lawyers fighting back saying, no, I'm allowed to videotape this and won.
So there's a victory there.
Pretty unbelievable, by the way, that the police are investigating you for writing a book.
That's all true.
It's not like it's fiction or he's lying.
That's a whole different set of rules.
And this is Justin Trudeau, by the way, who started a fund, something like $670 million to support small media.
What it really is, is to bribe journalists into writing nice things about him.
He's not trying to save journalism.
And the funny thing is, Canada is a very small country.
It's about a tenth the size of America.
What's the population in Canada?
62 million or something?
So there's not that many people in media.
And when you throw $670 million at a problem.
37 million Canadians as of 2018.
I was quite far off.
Wait a minute.
What's Britain?
Is Britain 62?
Because I remember when Britain and UK were about the same.
Any his.
It is around 63 million.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I was thinking of Britain.
So this male model is pouring so much money into the problem that it ends up being like 60 grand per person in media, like a really good bribe.
If you were trying to bribe a criminal and you handed him an envelope with 60 grand, you'd go, wait, what are you?
Holy shit.
I assume I have to kill someone?
No, that's just for you to be nice to me.
Okay, that's not really how bribing works.
You're supposed to give me like 800 bucks.
Any his.
So he writes this book.
They pull him in.
They say, oh, you're fucked.
You recorded us.
No, he's not fucked.
So that was a win-win-win-win-win.
That was what?
When was that?
Like 10 days ago.
The hidden camera thing came out January 29th.
January 29th.
So a month ago, we'll say.
Three weeks, no, two weeks ago, whatever.
Then he sees Omar Katter at the airport.
Omar Katter is a fucking terrorist who murdered an American Marine, blinded a Canadian medic.
His father and their troop, their crew, have killed, I'm going to say hundreds of American soldiers.
He's been a trained terrorist since he was 15.
That became, he's a child soldier who had been brainwashed.
And so when he goes to Guantanamo, they say, that's unethical that you put a child in Guantanamo.
He's a murderer.
He's a soldier.
No, he's not.
He wasn't a child and he wasn't a soldier.
He's a terrorist.
So Justin Trudeau, your gorgeous hunk that you ladies elected, gave him 10.5 million.
And who are these bitches surrounding Omar Katter, by the way?
Like, what is it with women?
Why are women so into this terrorist?
He's a bad boy.
Look at his smile.
He's got $10 million in the bank.
That's probably why they're surrounding him.
He started Vice Media.
You see the thing about Vice Media now?
It's like empty and for sale.
Well, we'll get to that.
That's interesting.
So that's two.
And by the way, if you go to the back to the beginning of that, you can hear Ezra's heart pounding.
Can I have a word?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Can we take a selfie together?
If you want.
Can I ask you a couple questions?
How did he get on the plane?
I thought you were on the no-fly list.
This is exactly what we figured would happen.
Why don't we go ahead and move away from the other one?
So here's the deal with that, by the way.
I don't know why he's allowed to fly within Canada.
But the deal is as long as he's never over American airspace.
if you go from toronto to halifax which was that flight you're going over toronto's very far south So you're going over Vermont.
So he was in American airspace.
But your Zoolander prime minister doesn't care.
And by the way, I know you don't give a shit about Canada, but Bernie Sanders is winning the DNC right now.
That's Justin Trudeau.
That's Canada.
That's socialism.
Canada and Britain are basically socialist countries.
Bernie wants us to push to that.
So I would like you to know what my hometown is like.
Prime ministers question authors of books that criticize them.
Not that far from Cuba.
All right, so that's two with Ez, right?
Three, this, have you ever heard of Patrick Williams, the co-founder of Greenpeace?
He's a guy who started Greenpeace, big environmentalist, still an environmentalist.
Unfortunately, he's not following the leftist narrative of climate change and Manhattan's going to be underwater in a few years and we're all going to die and we should recycle all our coffee cups and that's the real issue and we need to spend more money on windmills and solar panels and all this shit.
He says, he's not in my notes.
He says controversial stuff like buying wood is good for trees.
He goes, there's more trees around now than there have ever been.
Now, he's including little seedlings and stuff.
There's obviously not the same amount of 100-year-old redwoods, but he's right.
And he says, you want to encourage forestry?
Buy more wood.
Why aren't you looking up Patrick Williams, Greenpeace co-founder?
I put Ezra Levant, Greenpeace.
Why Ezra Levant?
Don't worry about that.
I'm going to tell you the story.
There he is.
Patrick Moore.
Sorry.
Patrick Moore.
Wonderful guy.
Anyway, he's doing some talk in, I think, Regina, Saskatchewan.
He's doing some talk.
He's one of like 45 speakers.
And the lefties find out about it.
They hate him because he says horrible shit like carbon dioxide is great for the planet.
We don't need less CO2.
We need more.
In fact, if you look at the history of the planet, we have the least CO2 we've ever had.
We need more.
This is getting dangerous, he says.
Now, to me, all of this just sounds like scientists.
And isn't this what science is?
You have hypotheses.
So this guy is just a scientist with what sounds to me, and I'm no scientist, what sound to me like very reasonable hypotheses.
Hypotheses?
Hypotheses?
That's fine.
There's nothing wrong.
That's why we have free speech to hammer it out.
But no.
So all these hippie, lefty, scumbag commies go nuts and they get him canceled.
They have him kicked off the roster.
He's not doing it anymore.
Now, that's a big deal.
Because now when the next group says, oh, we'd like to get Patrick Moore, they go, no, everyone gets really mad.
And of course, the media is on the side of the radical left.
So when they're writing about it, they go, finally, we got that eco-Nazi Patrick Moore off the thing.
That's really great news and blah, blah, blah.
And you go, hmm, the media is totally on board with Patrick Moore being banned.
But is that the general consensus?
I mean, if you check out my name on Twitter, it's people wanting to murder me.
And then every time I go outside in a very liberal city like Manhattan, where 3% or 4% voted for Trump, it's high fives and selfies and everything's great.
99% of the time.
95, I'll say.
Everything is 95.5 on this show.
So Ezra goes, this is what?
He's just such a fucking, he's a happy warrior is who he is.
And he goes, no, fuck that.
He's getting, we're doing the talk.
He had nothing to do with this original thing.
He just hears about this and he gets pissed off.
So he starts like the little, he's, I know I said he's a redneck, but he's also like a little hedgehog.
He's a little woodchuck.
He's a little prairie dog.
So he starts burrowing away in his little hole and making a little tunnel.
That's why his teeth look that way.
That's why his teeth are so shitty.
Referred to the other show earlier.
That's an inside joke for subscribers.
Oh shit, I forgot to mention our sponsor.
And he got another venue for Patrick Moore.
Now, Regina is a tiny town.
I think there's a quarter million total population.
He gets 2,000 people.
Well, I think there's 800 now, but he'll easily, it just happened like a few hours ago.
So he's going to get about 2,000 people to come to Patrick Moore's solo event.
In other words, the media was wrong.
People don't want him canceled.
And now when you think of Patrick Moore, you go, oh, the guy that sells out a massive 2,000-person place in a small town in Canada.
Looks like he is, there is demand for him.
Tickets Moores range from $25 to $2,000.
He's going to make a mint.
Pretty badass.
What's 25 times 2,000?
Well, let's raise that, right?
Obviously, the $2,000 are probably like a luncheon or something.
That's not that many people.
But let's just say $30.
$95,500 times $2,000.
My dad would fucking rape me if he knew I just did 2,000 times 30.
He would put a hot poker up my ass.
Are you stupid?
You fucking did 2,000 times 30, you stupid bike.
What is the Trivial Pursuit thing?
This man knows nothing.
We're doing Trivial Pursuit and he's getting all the science and geography and history, right?
But the pop culture he doesn't know.
And so they come to me and it's like, so rock and roll was Chuck Blank Berry or something.
And he played what instrument?
And I'm like, I don't know.
And so the one job I had, pop culture, I couldn't get.
And he just fucking goes.
I do not want this man on my team.
He knows nothing.
And I was just like.
Were you guys playing for fingers and toes?
He was so fucking mad.
In fact, I think when he hit his fists on the table, all the pies came out of the wheels.
The game ender.
So yeah, Ezra is just fucking killing.
Which brings us to Johnny Apple CBD.
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You rub that in.
You know, when you do like a big leg day or an arm day?
Oh, I came with the best thing, by the way, at the gym.
Everyone skips rope for the first two rounds to warm up.
And I just walk up to them going, hey, man, what's going on?
Are you going to be like, you do what, two rounds?
And walk into their rope area.
It's actually a very selfless joke because it's hilarious, but it fucking kills.
It hurts.
Yeah, the rope is like, it's often steel wire wrapped in plastic.
So I've actually changed it a bit because I got too many welts on my head.
And now I'll just have my boxing glove out.
And I'll go, hey, man, so you're going to be doing this for like another round or two or what's and it'll hit the glove and bounce into his face and stuff.
Or you pretend you want the rope that they have and go, hey man, are you almost done with that?
How long can it?
It's pretty funny.
That could hurt because it sounds painful.
It's like, yeah.
Especially towards the end where they go, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what?
I've always feared the sound of that.
Sounds like a fucking hate skipping rope.
Hate it.
My legs are literally on fire.
But I use the, what do we got there?
Go down to the, not the tincture, the topicals.
The topicals.
Use the topicals.
Big help.
That's actually how I found out about CBD, was at my gym when they were talking about it.
But go to jacbd.com.
Use the password Gavin and you get free shipping, 20% off, all kinds of fucking awesome stuff.
It's true.
They are our top sponsor.
And when you go there and get their shit, you're promoting free speech.
You're promoting censored.tv.
You're encouraging companies to work with us.
And we appreciate that very much.
Homeboys get night like.
Get it.
Which reminds me of our two.
God, I didn't put any shit in my hair today.
I just thought I would try it out.
No grease.
The product?
No Razak.
I wear black women's stuff in my hair.
RASIC.
RAZIC, which reminds me.
What's the problem with that Razik?
I have a friend whose son is deaf and he's in a special school and he's gotten big trouble because he wrote in his journal, Black Woman Annoy Me or something like that.
Oh, wow.
And the journal, though.
He was like, I said, wait a minute, fuck the black woman part.
The school read his journal?
Yeah.
That really pissed.
That made me so fucking mad.
They're invading his privacy.
They're invading his, as you say, piracy.
I didn't say that.
It sounded like you said piracy.
No, no.
But like a journal is where you, this is what pisses me off about censorship in general.
A journal is where you work shit out.
So maybe you'd say, black women are really annoying me today.
And then, you know, you think about it more and you go, that was weird where I was last week in my head, but I've really evolved and I've realized that the woman that pissed me off doesn't represent the group, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Now, it's just like I was saying earlier about science.
You iron out the kinks.
You go through these changes.
And censorship prevents us from learning.
It prevents us from growing.
Free speech is about ironing out the kinks.
Conjecture.
You should be able to say controversial things.
Bad ideas will lose in the free market of ideas.
Cliven Bundy said, I wonder if blacks were better off during slavery.
He said that when he was looking at some woman whose baby daddy was in prison and she had four kids and she was on welfare.
She was on the porch broke and futureless.
And he was wrong.
Of course, nothing's worse than slavery.
But you're allowed to wonder.
Or when Roosh V said, if women weren't allowed to press rape charges after inviting men to their homes, they would be a lot more careful about who they invite into their homes.
That became Roosh V promoting rape and wanting it to be legal.
No, he's presenting a silly little brain teaser.
Would you rather drown or be buried alive?
It's just a silly question that helps you get smarter.
By the way, I'm willing to concede that most people would rather drown.
I'm sorry, Ryan, you were right.
I've never said that.
What?
I've never said that.
No, you said there's no way anyone would prefer being buried alive to drowning.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nobody would ever be buried alive ever.
Yeah.
Or what about the, so that's why I think it's fair to say, would you rather have your head sawed off or buried alive?
That's a good one because drown is like an easy.
I drowned in my dream the other night.
It was no problem.
No, I think it takes a bit.
I mean, you can hold your breath for a minute.
I heard it was really painful.
Really?
I heard that it's like a deep sleep.
That's what I've always thought.
That's why I always pick it.
But then I looked it up.
I don't know why I looked it up.
not suicidal but i did look how do you look at how do you know how it that's that's the thing right um Because maybe people have drowned them, they're resuscitated when the people go like, we got him back.
And they're like, one time I was walking on the beach in Costa Rica when we had a place there, and a guy had gotten wasted and gone swimming and drowned in the ocean.
And there was this hippie there who hated us.
All the hippies hated us, really.
And I said, hey, I heard some dude drowned here yesterday.
And he was, I think he was German.
And he's like, yes.
He had like dreads, but he was kind of balding.
It's a real hippie-dippy town.
Montezuma, Costa Rica.
Or as we called it, Montefuma Coca Rica.
That's what the locals call it, actually.
And he says, yes, and he died.
And I go, yeah, that's what I just said.
And he goes, he got super pissed.
Because he thought drowning doesn't mean fatal?
No, he got super pissed.
And he goes, you don't have to die to drown.
And I go, yeah, you do.
Yeah.
In fact, I'm 90% sure the dictionary says drowning to die by asphyxiation in water.
No, it does not.
Now, this is pre-internet, so I couldn't look it up.
Is he right?
No, he's not right, you retard.
Because somebody says, I'm drowning, I'm drowning, but that doesn't mean they're dead.
I'm dying, I'm dying.
I'm in the process of dying.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's wrong.
Look it up.
Well, I found this.
You're conscious when you breathe in water.
This is the description of what it feels like when you drown.
The instinct not to breathe underwater is so strong that it overcomes the agony of running out of air.
No matter how desperate the drowning person is, he doesn't inhale until he's on the verge of losing consciousness.
At that point, there's so much carbon dioxide in the blood and so little oxygen that chemical sensors in the brain trigger an involuntary breath where he's underwater or not, whether he's underwater or not.
This is called the breakpoint, and laboratory experiments showing that the breakpoint comes after about 87 seconds.
It's sort of a neurological optimism as if the body were saying, holding our breath is killing us and breathing might not kill us, so let's just breathe in.
Oof.
How do you know?
Right.
Rancor.
And then there's the entering of the lungs and the it's torture.
Why are we looking this up?
Burns like hot lava.
Ooh, that sucks.
Stop, stop, stop.
Everything goes.
Oh, wow.
Should we go through the news?
Yes.
Here's something that kind of pisses me off.
About the Ruch thing, too.
Dr. Ruth said that, and she wasn't canceled.
Yeah, she said you can't say no to sex once naked in bed.
And here's the difference: Dr. Ruth wasn't using conjecture.
She was saying definitively, if you're naked with a man, rape charges are over.
You've already said yes the second you're nude.
By the way, I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with either Dr. Ruth or Roosh V.
I think they're both interesting conundrums or situations.
But yeah, she didn't pose a question.
It's called white unprivileged.
White male unprivilege.
Even though he looks like some kind of Arab.
What is he, Iranian?
Let me see.
Yeah.
He is like juicy smole.
He's experiencing black privilege.
Black gay privilege.
You see that?
Anyway, to get back to Stone, everyone's just discovered that the jury was fucked and it was all activists.
Did we not call that when we were down there watching the trial?
Hello, it's a base.
Hello, it's a corrupt judge.
Roger Stone's jury four persons anti-Trump social media posts surface after she.
I was watching them all get selected.
The selection, yeah.
And remember, there was that woman who said, they go, so what does your husband do?
He's a lawyer.
What kind of lawyer?
Public defender.
Oh, and what are you in?
I work in politics.
It's DC, right?
I work in politics.
I worked for Obama.
Oh, have you guys discussed Roger Stone?
She goes, nope.
In other words, I'm happy to sit here and lie to you right now so I can be part of the lynching of Roger Stone.
And then you know what happened?
Fucking National Review's Kevin Williamson wrote an article saying Roger Stone should do a lot of time in jail.
He did seven felonies, including lying to an FBI guy.
Yeah, those are the charges.
The charges are fucking absurd, dude.
That's a weird thing with people where they go, oh, well, he went to jail.
He must be guilty.
He went to prison.
Remember, his lawyers asked, like, you wrote this about Trump on social media.
Don't you think that's going to make you a little biased?
And she said, nope.
And then the judge said, She banged the gavel and said, I don't think that's an appropriate question.
Right.
And you know what else she said?
She said, these people are government employees, so Trump is their boss.
So in a way, their bias supporting their boss will counteract the fact that they hate his fucking gun.
So kick him out then.
If they're biased either way.
Sounds like you got a big pile of bias here, even on your best day.
A double bias is no bias.
What a fucking mess.
Anyway, we called this a million years ago.
But I think this is kind of good news because the sentencing is about to happen.
So the controversy should be in full tilt right now.
You wouldn't want people to forget about him.
My gut says four years.
This seems to be the magic number for Trump supporters.
John Kinsman, Max Hare got four years for being Trump supporters.
That seems to be what the government wants.
Of course, the left, and apparently with the right, National Review, wants much more than that.
I know, let me just tell you how much I fucking hate National Review.
They are conservative ink.
They are everything wrong with the right.
The right are fucking pussies.
They are petrified of controversy.
They hate confrontation.
Even like Fox News is constantly worried about, oh no, Jon Stewart's mad at Sean Hannity.
Now, if Sean Hannity was mad at Jon Stewart, do you think Jon Stewart would be shitting his pants, going, oh no, Fox News made fun of my show?
But at Fox News, they're always talking about, we're going to get letters.
Ooh, letters.
Look up Kevin Williamson.
He's the one who wrote this thing about Roger Stone.
I met him a few times.
Very smart guy, but Asperger's level of autism.
And the problem with those dudes is their fucking breath is shocking.
Kevin Williamson's breath will curl your toenails.
Kevin Williamson, is that what I said?
Kevin Williamson?
Yep.
Yeah.
So he just wrote a big thing saying, throw the book at him, motherfuckers, which is like the conservative ink virtue signaling.
I went to this dinner once at the Harvard Supper Club.
National Review's top troll demands Roger Stone die in prison.
The fuck.
He's a weirdo, too.
He does that thing that autistic people do, where they exaggerate what they want to do to their enemies.
And they're like, Hilary should have her skin removed in front of her entire family and then deep fried and stuffed up their asses.
And you go, how about she just gets fired?
It's a nerd thing.
They don't really get the limits.
I just heard a nerdy exaggeration the other day.
Like, I'll fucking go to war.
And it was something so mundane.
No, that's totally different.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Andrew McCarthy is this pink-faced conservative baldie who wrote a book called Free Speech and Islam.
Sounds good.
Who went to the Harvard Supper Club.
He did a talk about the book.
A bunch of people got up and said he's wonderful.
The people who put it out, Encounter Books, some guy with a bow tie who runs that, which seems like a vanity project to me, says, yes, this book's so important, blah, blah.
And yeah, Islam and free speech.
Islam is not great with free speech.
Yeah, I think we're pretty clear on that.
And then we have a big, nice dinner.
And there was a New York Times reporter at the dinner.
And they were pooping their pants, tripping over themselves, trying to kiss her fucking ass because they wanted to be accepted by the left so badly.
And that is what pisses me off.
It's like white people who want to be accepted by blacks and say, hey, what's up, my man?
Or even black people that want to be accepted by whites and start altering the way they behave and talk in order to be part of the group.
It's being a sellout.
Phony baloney.
Thanks, Ryan.
Ryan's two cents.
Phony baloney.
Yep.
Yeah, maybe don't.
You know what?
Don't interject for the rest of the show unless you have a hilarious imitation.
I don't need to.
What are we, Diamond and Silk?
Uh-huh.
Phony baloney.
And being good at it, if you will.
That was a good imitation of Gary Coleman.
So we're at the supper club.
You know who's there is, what's his name?
The free speech guy, Greg Lukianakis.
I forget his name, but he's big in the free speech world.
One of his books might be here.
Great guy.
Lukianoff?
Yeah, Greg Lukianoff.
You know what Greg Lukianoff does now that we're spilling the beans and the gossip?
He cuts up all his food before he eats it.
I've told this story before, so I'm sure you're familiar with it.
I think so.
Like the way you do for a kid?
Yeah.
He cuts up his own food.
He cuts up all his meat.
His potatoes are cut up.
And then once that's settled, then he goes like meat, potato, vegetable, which I'm for the second part.
I like the idea of amalgamating forkfuls.
That's fine.
But to prepare it first?
I mean, it's probably pretty cold by the time you're finally done.
It's kind of weird.
Anyway, he's a good guy.
Yeah, that's a really good book.
Freedom from Speech.
Anyway, and he's kind of a liberal.
He's a liberal from back in the good old days, the Berkeley days, the Cornell West days, where they put free speech above everything else.
And that includes hate speech.
Do you find him sexy, Ryan?
I do not, actually.
How much would you have to be paid to make out with him for one hour?
An hour?
An hour.
That's looking like maybe bad ideas are setting up a generation for failure.
In the book, I worked with a social psychologist, Charles.
Okay.
I have a paper bag here.
Nope.
And a Greg Lukianoff.
No.
That's my number.
Greg is smiling.
You've had a beer.
And this paper bag has $12,900 in it.
I'm sliding it towards you.
Here's my number.
So it's $13,000, but if you can give me $500 less than that, I would still take it.
Okay, so it's not your number.
So $13,500 wiggle room.
Okay, so as someone who wants to save money on this, I'm going to offer $12,500.
That's my bottom line.
Okay, so I have a paper bag here.
Nope.
With $12,490.
Because in my mind, I'm already $500 down.
So no.
Okay.
So you have to know that the come down price.
Here's the other problem.
You buy a used Toyota Corolla with the money.
You're driving around and people go, this guy's kind of cool.
Where'd you get it?
You haven't paying you really well?
And you go, I don't want to talk about it.
I necked Greg Lukianoff.
Anyway, sorry.
Tangent time.
So we're sitting at the dinner and they keep looking over at this fucking Jewish, hippie, long-haired New York Times reporter chick who you're just like, get her fucking out of here.
What is she?
Get her out of here.
Not only do I not want to kiss her ass, I don't want her ass on this seat.
Go, go, go.
You don't belong here.
And so we started talking about ISIS and Islam.
And because the theme of the dinner was Islam and free speech and what they're doing now, what their strategy is in the Middle East.
And they've taken over.
This was a while ago.
This is maybe five years ago.
Three or four years.
40, 45, 45.
45, 40, 45 months ago.
And they're taking over Qatar in this area.
And it seems that they're trying to flank maybe some of the American troops and maybe, you know, eventually get down to Iran and then maybe Turkey.
And I'm just like, can we just stop?
Can we stop?
What do you got there?
45 years.
45 years.
40, 45 years.
What about you, Charles?
It's 40, 45 years.
445 hours.
445 years.
40, 45 years.
45 years.
40, 45 years.
40, 45 years.
It was weird.
That's such a good sketch.
It's so fucking weird.
And if you read it on the page, you'd go, we're not shooting this.
You just keep saying 40, 45 years.
This isn't funny.
I always use that sketch, by the way, to get people into Harry and Paul.
It's a good gateway drug.
Any huzo.
So I go, let's just stop, cut the shit.
I got food coming out of my mouth.
Why are we trying to imbue some kind of strategy on a group that is clearly just fucking inbred?
Okay?
We're talking about inbred savages, animals.
There's no strategy.
It's just convert or die.
Smite ye above the neck.
that's it don't worry about your fucking your the american military has a strategy The jihadi military does not.
And they all start sweating like crazy, going, oh, okay.
And they all, all eyes go to the New York Times journalist and they go, he's, I don't know.
What?
Oh, my God.
That was, this guy is kind of a, he's a kind of a funny man.
And what will he think of next?
He's, he's like a devil's advocate.
I mean, he's obviously never, not coming back next year.
I wasn't invited back, by the way.
And you can just see her like, hmm, you've misbehaved, conservatives.
That's going in my little report.
National Review is going to be in the left's bad books.
Why do you want to be in their fucking good books, you pussies?
I avoided saying faggots there because we're in a stage now where faggots are braver than the conservative.
It's an insult to all.
It's an insult to homosexuals.
Then I found out later, remember John Derbyshire?
He wrote a controversial letter called The Talk.
And the talk is something that black people do to like their 13-year-old black kids.
And I think it's really detrimental.
They say, look, cops are going to fuck with you.
Cops are going to hurt you.
So put your hands behind your back.
And America's super racist.
And you're going to have to do twice as well as a white kid to get the same mark and letter and whatever.
And everyone's out to kill you and blah, blah, blah, slavery.
And first of all, I don't think that's true.
In fact, the opposite is probably true.
If a company's looking to hire, and they're going to go for the most qualified black guy in many cases.
So there's plenty of black privilege going on in 2020.
I'm not talking about 1960 or anything like that.
I'm talking about today.
So don't lie to a kid and tell him the world hates him.
You're putting him at a disadvantage and you're also making him give up.
Now, here's the other part.
Remember that Life is Beautiful movie with that Italian guy?
What's his name?
Roberto Bernini.
Roberto Benini, yeah, I think it is.
So he's at the Holocaust and he doesn't let the kids know and he says, oh, we're at a fun place.
And he makes sure they don't see the dead bodies anymore.
If, hypothetically, America was a racist hellhole and I was black, I wouldn't tell my black kids.
Like I didn't tell them about Santa.
They figured that out on their own.
I didn't tell them what sex is until I absolutely had to.
I didn't tell them about 9-11.
Like, you want to keep them happy and inspired.
Why are you burdening a kid with that?
Anyway, so John Derbyshire, who's, by the way, they call him a racist.
His wife's Chinese.
His kids are clearly, they look, they do not look white.
He wrote his own The Talk where he said, hey, if you're at a party and you're the only non-black kid there, be nervous.
Maybe get the fuck out of there.
Stuff like that, right?
And it was seen as racist.
And even a lot of conservatives I know thought, oh, that was a bit rich.
But National Review fired him from National Review.
He didn't write that article in National Review.
He wrote it on VDAR.
But that was the end of him.
And I found out Andrew McCarthy.
Now, this is not a verified fact, but rumors, let me just say, reliable sources tell me that Andrew McCarthy, the Islam and Free Speech guy, was a big part of saying we got to get rid of this guy.
No one at the New York Times is going to like us anymore if John Derbyshire is on our staff.
Give up on the left liking you.
They don't even like their own.
Now, people say that to me, too.
They go, why do you keep saying I'm not racist?
I'm not an anti-Semite, blah, blah, blah.
You're never going to change their mind.
I go, just because it's true.
If you kept calling me gay all the time, I'd go, I'm not gay.
I'm not gay.
Now, that's not because I'm petrified of being seen as gay.
I'm just saying the truth.
Anyway, that was a long tangent for fucking that Roger Stone shit.
Which brings us, of course, to Blue Chew.
That's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com.
Have better sex with sildenafyl or Tadalfi chewables.
Now, what they do online, they have a doctor there where you tell him that you have whiskey dick and he says, all right, I'm going to fix it.
And then you get this in a discrete container.
You get a prescription, professional medical support.
You can do a monthly program where you will be shocked at the kind of wood you produce.
You will remember, you'll go, oh, yeah, this is why it's called having a woody.
I forgot what these are like.
When you get to my age, it's not exactly a coconut smasher.
So when you also, you get, what is it, 20% off when you use the promo code Gavin?
And that's at B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com.
I'm getting that right, right?
Yeah, B-L-U.
Oh, B-L-U.
B-L-U-E.
Yeah, typically the way blue is spelled, and then chew.
Okay, it's not B-L-U-Chew.
It's B, the normal spelling.
It's what you think it would be.
And even if you don't have a problem with erectile dysfunction, just have it there for an emergency.
You know what I did as a young man?
I cut my arm and I had a bag of Coke that would never break down, a very thick bag, put under my skin and then stitched back up again.
So if I were to get a stripper back to my house and we were out of Coke, I could just take a knife, open up my arm, and it would be there like a microchip.
That's pretty fun.
Now, you don't have to do that with Blue Chew.
You can just put it in your wallet.
Problem with having Coke in your wallet is you're going to do it.
So I would put Coke under my skin.
In a hard plastic case.
You know how these people will get these horns put under their skin?
I would have that, but you'd see a plastic case on my forearm.
What?
A lot of work for.
How much Coke was in there?
A gram?
A kilo.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
That was your whole arm.
Take up my entire arm.
Did that affect?
Well, girls wanted to get with me because my nickname in the scene was Coke Arm.
And these Mexicans would come to me and go, hey, man, I hear you got a lot of Coke in your arm, man.
And I go, no.
And they go, what's that?
And they'd see the giant.
It's actually shaped like a coffin because I thought I could pretend it was like some Misfits rock and roll thing.
You're like, it's free because it's on the arm.
JK, it's in the arm.
Milo wrote a book, by the way, when we were down there.
Yes, he did.
Remember, I was so cheap I made his all share a hotel room?
And then I went to bed, so you had to either sleep on P or with a gay.
Yes.
That was an interesting conundrum.
You chose a gay.
Yep.
Why are you gay?
He's written a book about the whole trial.
And you know what's brilliant about Milo?
Not only is all the money is going to go to his defense fund, he's taking no money from it, but he's written the entire thing, but he's ready for the sentencing.
So he has what to say if it's four years, if it's zero years, if it's 10 years.
Wow.
This is already.
So the second the sentencing happens, zoom, the book's off to the presses.
Damn.
He's fucking great.
And it's off to the isn't our team awesome?
Oh, by the way, speaking of our team, two new shows launching this weekend.
Tomorrow night, we have Gary's Mailbag, where a troubled local gentleman reads our mail.
Do you have that intro done?
should we show that i don't have it on the computer but no let's wait for the music We'll make the music.
Gary's mailbag.
And then we have the savant.
There he is.
He loves his Fritos.
Loves the Fritos.
His favorite flavors are Original and Honey Barbecue.
They're both tied for number one.
Spoiler, guys.
So what's his number two flavor?
Oh, I don't know any of the flavors of Cheetos.
So wait a minute.
You just love all Fritos.
Yeah.
And then on Sunday, we have Fighting with Larry Barnes.
Larry Barnes is my coach, boxing.
He knows fucking everything about the sport.
Throw any fight at him.
Any fight.
Hey, he could name every Tyson fight, what his record was before and after, and what date it was, and what day of the week it was.
Yeah.
I had an idea today for a video.
I'm going to film him in front of the wall at the gym where there's all these different posters of fights.
And then I'll just read out the posters and say, when did George Foreman fight Lennox Lewis?
And because I'm looking at the poster behind him, and he'll have his back to it.
He'll be like, November 5th, 1988.
It was a Wednesday.
It was cold.
Cold.
You were dope.
You were dope.
Can't do nothing for you.
Wait, I've already worn this shirt.
No, no, this is live.
I'm checking the stream.
Somebody should complain about it.
So that's Sunday.
Two new shows.
I'm going to have Copper Cab coming up, Loomered.
New Copper Cab coming out soon.
Lots of fun stuff.
That's right.
And a pilot I'm considering.
A peel it.
Yes, thank you.
Should we get to the mail?
We could, if that's something that you want to do.
Why?
You don't sound very excited.
No, it's fun.
What?
That's all right.
What's weird?
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together and smell back.
Let me touch it.
This is a unique episode because we didn't go through all the news.
All right.
Someone complaining about the app.
That's not good for business to say that out loud.
Because it's choppy.
A live stream that doesn't live stream ever.
Love it.
No, someone's mad.
Gavin, what are your thoughts on the Wetsu Wheaton movement in Canada?
What the fuck is that?
Wetsu Wheaton movement.
Wetsu.
I am copying and pasting.
Me too.
Wetsu Wheaton.
Canada.
Oh, it's First Nations.
Wetsu Wheatson are First Nations people who live on the Bukley River around the Broman Lake and Francois Lake in northwestern central interior of British Columbia.
The name they call themselves.
I don't know anything about this, but it's starting to smell fake.
You know, there's Indians that aren't Indians.
Like in New York, we have the Pequot, and they all look like me.
Here's the deal with Indians.
If people don't ask you if you're Asian, you're not an Indian.
New rule.
New rule.
Ew, I just said a Bill Marlin.
You did.
What's the difference between the elected band cancel and the hereditary chiefs?
I don't know.
These guys look pretty Indian, though.
So sorry, the answer to your question is I have no fucking idea.
Movie drop of Gavin's Thirsty Ass ass.
Hey, here's Gavin's thirsty ass.
Trist with this shit.
And so he was looking at 7 to 10.
Then on Tuesday, word got out that he was going to get 7 to 10.
And Trump tweeted out, that is disgusting.
That is outrageous.
You have that tweet.
How is that interesting?
Just got thirsty is all.
Yeah, sorry.
I drank some Gatorade.
You got me.
Yeah.
Speaking of which, you got any fucking brewskis?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Fucking Ryan River there fucking getting up, grabbing a 2-4, fucking running over to the fridge, grab a fucking couple buds.
Hey, people at home who have artistic talent, please make me a picture of a werewolf, like a kind of 80s Spuds McKenzie type of Eero design.
A werewolf just ravenous, sort of like the Joe Rogan werewolf, like and a bud in the foreground, right?
At an angle like this.
And then in sort of 1980s horror letters, like free speech used to be written in, it says, out for bud.
Okay?
What the fuck are you showing?
Looks like you do it.
I really wanted to.
I was like, there's no way that's not out there already, so I'm trying to look for it.
It's not out there.
Out for bud.
Unfortunately, I think.
So, sir, that letter sucked.
These letters better get good.
This is from Mr. Zedd.
You may have already seen this.
It's from 1983, but I'm pretty sure this is what all these tech designers think they've created.
Like Sophia, for example.
And just to be clear, I fucking hate people talking about robots like it's ever going to be a thing.
Well, what kind of audience do we have here this evening?
Anyone on a first date?
Good.
That's really cool.
Any football supporters?
Good.
Anyone from out of town?
Good.
Where are you from, sir?
Good.
This is 1993.
That's really cool.
But that's way, Max Headroom was like 1985.
Isn't he just ripping off Max Headroom?
I don't know.
You know who Max Headroom was?
Wasn't he glitchier though and less robotic?
No, it was the same joke, really.
This viewer is talking about Sophia.
They take these fucking robots.
They have the same hydraulics that we saw in the 80s in Disneyland.
They cut out the back of the head so you see diodes there.
That's supposed to be more intense.
And then they say, hey, Sophia, so you're on censored TV.
Yes, I am.
What do you think?
I think Ryan is a retard.
And then everyone goes, oh, my God, she knows the show to help test how robots can improve the mental well being of humans.
Why does this make me so mad just yet?
I also participated in a study attempting to measure the level of consciousness.
You didn't participate in shit.
Everything you say is pre-programmed.
In fact, it's just beginning.
Oh, I was at a convention.
Hello.
This is the best convention I've ever been at.
Thank you for programming me.
Can you imagine?
This is like wrestling.
When I watch people watch wrestling, I'd go, what the fuck?
Do you not see what I see?
How can you watch wrestling?
Go, whoa, you really slammed them.
They already make female robots, the Roomba and the dishwasher.
Wait, I fake laughed at that.
And then you thought I was real laughing, so you real laughed.
I was real laughed.
And then you heard me going, heehee.
And then you went, oh, it's a fake laugh.
So then you change your real laugh into a fake laugh.
That's correct.
I'm a phony.
I'm a phony.
Like Sophia, for example, they believe they've built a sophisticated robot with implemented AI that can think, talk, and tell jokes by themselves.
Never.
Never.
The downside is that these AI robots they've made are only as sophisticated as their programmer or the person speaking to fucking mic for them, which isn't saying much since these robots seem pretty retarded.
Thank you, Josh.
Finally, a wee bit of sanity in a world gone mad.
Alex, this is a Juicy Smollett the Real.
Gavin, this is probably the worst show on TV.
This Broad, who has a master's in African American studies, calls Juicy Smole noble for lying.
I like you more than a friend.
Now, I wonder when we show YouTube videos on...
Oh, I have not been regarding that at all.
Whatever.
Fuck.
Jesse was indicted by a grand jury on six felony charges, which include five false police reports and staging a hate crime.
This is now the second time that Jesse's been indicted.
Last year, a grand jury indicted him on 16 counts.
However, those charges ended up being dropped.
He needs more makeup.
And even though no new evidence has been presented in regards to Jesse's innocence, which he has always maintained.
I mean, we've talked about this multiple times on the show.
Jesse will be arraigned on February 1st.
This must be such a bummer to bring up on a black show because you can't not sound retarded if you don't call him a piece of shit.
So what are you guys' thoughts about?
Honestly, this confuses me.
Yeah.
I'm so swoo is the Cook County state attorney, which is the second largest prosecutor in the country.
Is that Debbie Washerman Schultz got dropped in the bat of Gorgeous?
Yes, of course.
She originally dropped the 16 charges.
Yes, because Michelle Obama's chief of staff told her to.
I think this is more about her.
Yeah, I think this is more of a case between the county of Cook and Kim Fox because they were pissed that those charges were dropped.
When she did drop the charges, there was a lot of controversy, you know, around controversy.
Yeah.
Interesting syllable emphasis.
Can you imagine how easy it is to get a degree in African-American studies?
This is another thing.
This is another sexist thing I've noticed about women.
I guarantee you every dissertation to get a PhD in African American Studies is about me, like being black in Chicago in like Michelle Obama's book, Becoming Michelle.
All these women, whenever they do a book or a project, it always seems to involve me search.
Like, what's his name?
Scott Ockerman's wife, Kulap Vinky Scher, the Asian, his Asian wife with her gigantic tits.
She didn't have much of a comedy career, but now she has a new movie out, a documentary called My Origin Story.
And in it, she takes you through an interview with her dad and her mom about her and where she came from.
Like, is this that's really interesting to your kids?
That's about it.
I don't give a fuck where your fucking family's from.
I should do my origin story.
Is it from Neptune, maybe?
Then my dad was arrested for drunk and violent rages.
So him and my mom fled to London where they had me.
Then my dad started a fight with an entire bar and they had to skip the country.
That's when we landed in Canada.
Here's the bar where he punched a guy so hard he went out the window.
Here's an interview with the man.
Became very controversial.
Yeah, and I think that they want to make an example.
Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.
Okay, that was a waste of time.
This is from Chris.
What is this stupid hairstyle?
Hey, Gav, over the last six months or so, I've seen several middle and high school kids with this retarded hairstyle.
I was wondering who started this and why.
Did Carrotop shave the sides of his head and become popular or Mexican soap operas, maybe?
I was just hoping that knowing the origin story, my origin story.
Can we see the origin story?
That was serendipity.
Might make me less angry every time I see it.
Thanks.
No, this isn't Ryan's hairstyle.
He doesn't do the shave sides thing.
That's basically my hairstyle when I don't put my black stuff in.
That's exactly it.
So that's very hurtful to you.
What you're saying, sir, did you show the hairstyle?
Yep.
Is that without black women, I'm annoying.
It's like a greaser that just got out of a fight.
It's like the undone, ungreased version of that.
Oh, you're Johnny Depp now.
It's an ungreased version of that.
What's going on with you, Depp?
It seems like you're vindicated now.
Amber Heard is turning out to be a real violent bitch.
Yeah, I was tired of being cut out of deals, movie deals.
My agent said you should release the audio, so I said, why not?
Fuck it.
Some sort of creepy labyrinthian metaphysics.
Labyrinthian, that is something you would say.
Yes.
You know, the labyrinth is one of the oldest symbos in the entire world.
I don't know what you're talking about.
In history?
An old what?
You're going to get organized a little better.
Can you have that?
No, this is one of the oldest symbos.
Even when it's late, it's terrific.
Oh my god.
Dude.
Why is no one cracking up when he's explaining his authentitics?
If you look at the crowd, now you know this is one of the oldest symbos at that point.
I would just go with that.
Like an actual spit take.
Yeah, I would do it.
Like my gene jacket.
Oh, yeah.
You gave me a spit take.
You gave me the first spit take I've had in 20 years.
Correct.
You came out wearing like a mock turtleneck, a jean jacket that was like stressed with holes and he had rolled up above his elbows and he had maxing maxing.
He had matching jeans.
Yes.
And I laughed so hard, I did a spit dance.
With actual spit and no drink.
Yeah, it felt so good.
Yeah, it felt pretty bad for me.
I haven't had that in a long fucking time.
You looked like a complete clown.
And the fact that what really sold it was that you thought you looked great.
And you were sort of like, hey, man, I'm just going to go out and get a BLT.
What's up?
Meet you back here.
Fuck.
I'm trying to find it.
It was gorgeous.
Thanks.
All right, but let's take some calls.
We're past the shit.
What?
We were supposed to get off the paywall and like, let's just give them 20 minutes from now on.
What are you talking about?
The YouTube people.
What?
Let's give them less.
No, we only gave them four minutes extra.
I got to do a Johnny Apple CBD, and then we're good to go.
We're only four minutes over budget.
What's your problem?
Why are you gay?
You probably eat the poopo.
The shorter videos get more engagements, and it makes people want to just sign up and see you at the forefront.
Shorter by four minutes?
Yeah.
Please go to jacbd.com.
As we explained at the beginning of the show, they have the tincture.
They have the topicals.
They have the gummy bears.
These are all very, very helpful, very valuable.
You're not going to get high, by the way.
It doesn't have the THC that hemp has, but it's all the other stuff that this wonderful plant has.
And the tinctures I find are good when you've had too many coffees and you got to take the edge off.
The gummy bears I find are great for sleeping.
And the topical is totally unrelated.
I find that great for aching muscles.
How often do you take the tincture?
Tincture?
I'm almost out because I take it like every time I have coffee.
Otherwise, I get too shaky.
I've been having night terrors, but I've also, you know what, I've been having jokes.
I've been waking up with bits.
They're not, they're usually very weird.
Tell me if this is funny or not.
I dreamt this joke.
It says enforcer across the top of the shirt, and it has Harley Davidson, right?
Yeah.
And so you have the Harley logo, enforcer at the top, and then at the very bottom, not too big, maybe this big, it says call center.
Yeah, that is pretty much it.
Yeah.
And then at the back, it says enforcer.
And then you look up whatever Harley's number is, like their 1-800 number.
And then it has it below that.
So like you're a member of the Harley at the call-in center.
I'm like, guys, that's enough for your break.
Get back on the phones.
But before you see Colin, you're like, holy shit, he works with the Hell's Angels, like making sure people pay off their debts.
Yeah.
No, that's fun.
A really not badass branch of a really badass thing.
I dreamt that joke.
It's pretty good.
I'm also going to do a video.
I think I've mentioned this before on how to box.
And it's going to be all tricks.
Like the best one ever.
The thing you have to understand about boxing coaches like Larry Barnes, they have so much fucking information up here that they're dying to talk about.
So a question like, so the right hook, doesn't that leave you too vulnerable?
Or even like, I saw this guy, he doesn't seem that good.
He has 12 and 0.
How do you get an amateur record like that?
There's a whole story there with going to North Carolina and paying for these shitty guys who are going to take a fall.
And then Mexicans and Russians, when you see their amateur record, it's like, I'm not exaggerating, 399 and 0.
So take Larry Burns, for example.
His amateur record is something like 45 and 6 as an amateur and then a pro.
It's like 48 and 3, right?
48 wins, 3 losses.
Russians will have 399 wins.
And it's not cheating.
I know they always cheat, but that's just the culture down there.
They start them fighting at six years old.
Anyway, if you talk to a coach about Russian boxing records, they will start a yapping.
And the next thing you know, you're like 20 seconds into the round and he hasn't told you what to do yet.
And if you're doing stairs, you want to get him yapping as much as possible.
Here's another thing about the stairs.
As you go by the door.
But then when you get to the top, have yourself a little break.
The secret to doing running up and down stairs is towards the end of the round, you got to run like a lunatic.
So when you come back into the gym, you're going, like, don't make eye contact.
Like, look kind of.
Yeah.
Like, I don't want to talk to you.
Fuck off.
I just went up and downstairs a whole bunch.
Meanwhile, you were just sitting there like this.
And they're like, hey, Gavin.
You're just like, fuck off.
I'll talk to you later.
What's up?
Keja.
Keja.
Or I found a spot in the gym where I am flanked by like six heavy bags.
So you say, coach, what should I do?
Two rounds with the hookbag.
Then when you've done those two rounds, you hide by the heavy bags.
Beep.
The ring starts.
The round starts.
And then you give it like 20 seconds.
And then you come over and go to the coach, like, hello?
What should I be doing?
He's like, oh, fuck.
Sorry.
Oh, shit.
Do the slip rope.
Okay.
Jesus.
Sitting here waiting.
Another one I've massive.
Look how you're bitchy and dismissive.
Hey, I'm trying to learn how to box here.
What am I paying you for?
Meanwhile, I've been hiding in the corner.
You know, I'm paying for this, right?
Yeah.
When I signed up, it said I'd have a coach.
And deadbeat dad.
Another good one is to put on, in sparring, you put on your head set.
What's it called?
Headgear.
Headgear.
What do you have?
You put on your head thing.
They've been using it as a fucking speed bag.
You put on your head thing really loose.
So you get a punch about 20 seconds in the round.
It goes flying off.
You're like, oh, for fuck's sakes.
Can someone put this back on?
That buys you like 30 seconds.
And believe me.
Because you can't put it on.
No, you have gloves on.
Yeah, yeah.
So they got to pick it up, put it on your head, find a little hole.
Everyone's different.
Some of them have buckles, some of them have Velco.
So they're sitting there figuring out.
And you're like, can we hurry up, please?
Let me at them.
There's only like a minute left in this fucking round.
God.
So that's jcbd.com.
Please use a promo code Gavin.
Yeah.
And cookies were really, really good, too.
Cookies were really, really good, too.
You sound like someone under house arrest.
Hey, hey, guys, thanks for coming by.
I had some really, really good cookies today.
And I played Batman on my Xbox.
They got Snickerdoodles, too.
House Arrest would be kind of fun, wouldn't it?
I wrote three letters today.
So again, that was from censored.tv.
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