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Feb. 12, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:18:17
S02E124 - BREAKING NEWS [2020-02-12 - S02E124 - BREAKING NEWS]
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Time Text
Fucking colours, losing me ass.
What they done you too?
Yeah, mate.
Yeah.
Yeah, but they bump me ass, mate.
They dragged me out of their battle cruise and mate.
Get off my lawn with Gavin McInnes.
What a talented geezer hack Baker is.
You know what I like about him?
He don't talk like the new kids.
You know, with that bear, bear gels and that Jamaican slang.
He talks like a bona fide East London tough guy.
It might be because he spent so much time in prison with white people.
But he's also an incredible songwriter.
This one's called PC Plod about the fucking polis.
The polis.
Bill.
Yeah, the old Avalok, the Avalote.
Tryna give me my man up at one o'clock.
Yeah, we already had it up, up to the top.
Go and nigga, the other lot, come nigga not.
Hiding up for the search and the stop.
Had it up for the plot, fuck a lot.
Yeah, the old Avalok, the other lot.
The meatly old PC, Kiwi Road, a real boy.
Yeah, he's got some other great jams.
Not dissimilar to that, a Scottish guy we like, Jerry Cinnamon.
He's got Conundrum, where these hits we had on the show last year or a couple years ago.
Growing up in East London, sunny East London.
This is where I should have grown up, I think.
I feel genetically akin to these kin.
Chips for my dinner.
He said, He sounds like, you know, lockstock and smoking barrel cockney.
The real English.
But I can't find out what he's done.
What was his crime?
I know he spent time in prison, but did he fuck a kid?
Because if he did, I don't want to be promoting his songs.
If it was just drugs or...
Look him up on YouTube and see what his big songs are, like the ones that come up.
Oh, 7 a.m.
That's the other hit.
Yeah, and this new one is Venezuela Rhythm.
No, no, what I want to hear is 7 a.m.
Just jump in the middle.
Venezuela Rhythm is a great jam.
That's not one of his top ones.
It's weird.
So 7 a.m.?
Yes, 7 a.m.
It's weird that it's not in this topic.
Well, it should be there.
It's easier for you to scroll through his videos and find it.
Now, Ryan tried to rip this off.
Did not.
He just copied it and said, hey, I wrote a new song.
I wrote this before him.
He released this 2017.
I wrote up in the hills before first time I went to California about 2000, before 2012.
Like right after high school, basically.
I think 2009.
You were leaving high school in 2009.
I'd already built Vice from scratch and left.
I graduated at 07.
This is like my wife, my buddy Dan.
They can party all night.
I just, if I've been drinking a lot at eight, 1:00 AM is, I'm done.
Anyway, why don't you play?
turn it up.
In this song he sings about top geezers.
Why wouldn't you be showing the video?
Why are we looking at me?
I'm looking at the song that we're about to go to.
Oh.
Okay, so now we've heard Hack Baker's song.
Now let's hear Ryan's new hit song that apparently is a decade old.
Yes.
Freshly.
Oh, you made a video too?
I did.
What's this footage from?
Is it your footage?
Oh, yeah, from California.
this past time.
Ryan's beautiful.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Your talent sometimes is haunting.
Yeah, well, what the doctors say?
You're like the triumph the insult dog of folk.
That's good.
This shot's just gorgeous.
There's a banging solo coming up right about now with harmony.
Oh, Are you my great-grandfather?
No, I'm Brian.
I'm not old enough to be so.
Look at your taste.
Look at this jellyflush.
You're in your 80s, dude.
I had a near-death experience, is all.
You had a near-death experience?
Yeah.
It was with Hodge, actually.
It was prolonged.
What are you talking about?
We were climbing Acadia, the precipice.
There's this really steep thing, and we climbed it, we went off the path, and we just kept doing these negative 90-degree, like, you know, sheer drop, We would have died.
We were thinking about calling a helicopter.
Then our phones died and the sun was going down.
Calling a helicopter?
Yeah, saying, because we were like, what do we do?
Because we can't go back down and we certainly can't go up.
Like, we one time we had to, this one portion of it, we had to grab this little route and then hopefully it was going to support us getting up to that so we can get footing.
Are you calling a helicopter?
Yeah.
Must be nice.
It's not looking good.
You're getting ghosted.
I'm calling Haji to see if you're lying.
Oh, no, no, no.
This actually happened.
Why isn't he picking up your call?
He's been trying to talk to you for a while.
Your call has been fucked.
Oh, well.
Yeah.
Speaking of prison, I should probably make this a green screen, but I don't know what visuals to use.
But I really am becoming obsessed with this number five, this 5%.
I think it's a message from God.
He's not going to make everything homogeneous, unanimous, 100%.
That's not interesting.
But he wants you to see patterns.
So he chose 95.
And I just keep coming across it again and again and again.
95% of the time, that is the pattern.
5% is the exception.
For example, the cops.
5% of them are fucking dicks, racist assholes who are bullies and chose the job so they could fuck with people.
There's about 30% in there, not in the five, but 30% in total who just want to get through the day and don't really care either way.
And then there's about 20%, 15 to 20% of cowboys who are out there to stop bank robbers and save the day and be cool superheroes and want to help you and they're awesome.
So cops are pretty good.
And that 5%, by the way, they have a pension that's worth $4 million.
So to beat up some black kid for no reason or to shoot a black kid or choke them out and lose all that and go, the top brass is really hard on cops.
So you're going to lose when it goes to court.
That's why they all resign before it gets to court.
So even that 5% isn't going to be egregious in the sense that they're not going to beat the shit out of someone or shoot someone because they don't want to lose their pension.
So it's a myth.
The myth of the evil racist cop.
There are racist cops, but they're not evil.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, here we go.
Hey, man.
Hey, Gab, what's up?
Did you almost die with Ryan on the edge of a cliff?
At what moment in time?
In Maine, on the precipice?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a fucking crazy, crazy time.
Why?
I told you the story just now?
Yeah, and I'm calling, I'm making sure that he's not exaggerating.
No, so what happened was I was filming, I was just like behind him, getting shots of him walking up, and we followed what we thought was a fucking trail, which it was just like an indentation or something in the rocks.
And before we knew it, we were past the point of view.
Okay, thank you.
That's the best part.
Before we knew it, there was nowhere to turn back.
So 5% of cops are shitty, but they're not, it's not like these satanic killers shooting black people for sport.
And that myth is why cops are getting killed.
We just had a guy.
Oh, here it is.
Yesterday's paper.
Out for blood.
Would-be police assassin strikes again.
Career criminal Robert Williams walked into a Bronx station house yesterday and fired his gun until he was out of bullets, police said, wounding a cop 12 hours after allegedly attempting to kill another officer in an MYPD van.
Because the media has lied about fucking cops.
Cocksuckers.
Like those two cops that we'll never forget.
Wenjian Liev and Rafael Ramos.
Wenjian Lieu.
Lieu.
Lieu.
Oh yeah, of course.
Why would it be Liev?
School.
When my dad went to school, 5% of the people went on to college.
And that's why he had to fight every day.
Because students were seen as rich kids and snobs.
Now, he was poor, but he got scholarships, but he was still dressed in the school uniform like the rich kids.
So he'd go in this bad neighborhood, the Gorbals in Glasgow, and they'd go, you fucking student.
And they wouldn't beat the shit out of him.
Well, they would, but he would win.
Although his nose looks like this right now.
So I guess he lost a bunch too.
And 95% would just get a trade.
That's the way it should be.
That's the way God designed us.
Now we're at, what, 95% go to college?
95% instead of 5.
So we flipped it.
And to be able to accommodate that much shit, garbage, they have to lower the bar way down.
So what does that leave you?
That leaves you with a liberal arts degree.
That leaves you with a bunch of fucking bullshit.
You know, even art school in the 50s, as Dan Klaus pointed out in Art School Confidential, you would learn how to do realist paintings.
So if you graduated art school in 1955, you could draw the cover of a Harlequin romance novel perfectly.
You could do photorealism.
You could also do cookie shit, but you'd know the basics.
Now, tampon in a teacup.
And this is even more true of mainstream academia, where they make up these words like hegemony and let's recognize and all this other shit.
And they end up dumber than when they went in.
If everyone had to graduate from mathematics at MIT, imagine what the mathematics would be like.
It would be multiplication tables.
What's 8 times 9?
What is 8 times 9?
72?
Am I wrong?
No, no, no.
What's 6 times 7?
Is it 72?
Yes.
What's 6 times 7?
42.
What's 9 times 9?
81?
Okay.
So you are half Japanese.
But yeah, it just keeps coming up.
Like when I was being terrorized in my neighborhood, there was these horrible housewives, these liberal housewives who were attacking my home and whatever, terrorizing my children and listening to Antifa and spouting their rhetoric.
But that was 5%.
95% of the neighborhood didn't care about politics and didn't believe the hype and just wanted their kids to have a good day.
It just keeps coming up again and again.
95-5.
95-5.
Prisoners, I always talk to ex-cons.
I say, out of the people you are in prison with, and this is why I got here from Hack Baker, what percent are, dude, you know what's going on right now?
What?
I think I'm having an allergic reaction to Gary.
No.
Yeah.
Your eyes are fucking me up.
Maybe he hangs out with cats.
We just had Gary in here, the homeless bum from outside, and he was recording his hit new show, Gary's Mailbag, which we'll have to get out as soon as possible.
And, you know, he sits at my desk with his filth.
And he, I mean, I Lysoled everything.
Yeah.
But.
Is it possible you're having a reaction to the Lysol?
Yeah, that's possible, too.
Because you weren't.
Whatever it was, it's bad.
But anyway, sorry.
I asked these prisoners, what percentage of the people there are incompatible with society?
And they go, 5%.
5% are evil, dark individuals who, fuck rehabilitation.
They have to be locked up so they can't go out and hurt you.
Even in a perfect society, this 5% would be there in jail.
So my argument would be 95% of people need to be out of prison.
Maybe Roger Stone's going to be one of those people.
Oh, well, that is.
So what's going on with Roger Stone?
We didn't cover that yesterday.
Well, his entire prosecution team dropped out.
So he had something called a pre.
The fuck's it called?
I have to look it up now.
On Saturday, I have the inside scoop.
On Saturday, Roger Stone had something that's called the fuck is it called?
Judiciary suggested guidelines, like a guideline for how long he's supposed to be in prison.
PSI.
Pre-sentence interview.
And it recommended seven with the government demanding 10.
Now, 95, again, 95% of the time, you get what your PSI recommends.
They're not adventurous with this shit.
And so he was looking at 7 to 10.
Then on Tuesday, word got out that he was going to get 7 to 10.
And Trump tweeted out, that is disgusting.
That is outrageous.
You have that tweet?
Call it ridiculous or something?
Oh, it's in the notes.
Okay.
No, it's not on the notes.
Okay, I found it.
I'll find it.
So that's fucking heavy now that Trump does that because if he doesn't pardon Roger Stone, then you said a sentence was ridiculous, but you did nothing about it.
That makes Trump look feckless.
And the only reason Trump was elected is because we thought, finally someone with balls, finally someone who's going to do what they say they're going to do.
If he doesn't do what he says he's going to do this publicly, he loses his reputation.
That kills the election.
Even if he waits till November after he gets elected, then he looks like a pussy.
You can't find it?
Why wouldn't you just look up Trump tweet Roger Stone?
Okay, I guess seven hours ago he said something else about it.
He recently just said seven hours, two months in jail for a swamp creature, yet nine years recommended for Roger Stone, who's not even working for the Trump campaign.
Gee, that sounds very unfair.
Rogue prosecutors?
Maybe.
The swamp.
So, and people also don't know.
Like, I saw this bitch.
Speaking of being terrorized in my neighborhood, this is Amy's take, The Last Link.
This was the one who wanted to have a vigil in my neighborhood after she found out I lived there, right after the synagogue shooting, to show me that I better not shoot up any synagogues in their town.
Her exact words were, to show us.
What are you doing?
The last link, I said, Ryan.
The very last link?
Because that was a carpe dunkum.
No, it wasn't.
You just had it up.
Fuck.
The last link.
Yeah, this is Amy's take, right?
So she finds out that he's, Oh, so when they found out it was reduced, all these prosecutors quit.
That's the big picture I sent you, was the actual resignation of the prosecution.
Or was it just the...
Oh, fuck, you're slow.
Yeah.
Notice of withdrawal.
Aaron S.J. Zablisky.
It's funny because all these prosecutors were going after Roger to kiss their boss's ass.
And then their boss's boss's boss's boss, Trump, said, what the fuck are you doing?
And then that went all the way back down.
And now you can't kiss ass if their boss isn't happy.
So that kind of freaked them out.
And these kiss asses are now just trying to quit.
I'm out.
It's like poker.
I'm out.
I don't have a good enough hand.
So now they're saying they've reduced it to three to four years sentence, which is fucking absurd.
So go back to Amy Siskin.
So she says, we're living in a fucking banana republic.
No, don't show you scrolling.
We are officially a fucking banana republic.
That statement came hours after President Trump tweeted.
The sentence prosecutors recommend is horribly unfair.
Yeah, it is horribly unfair, Amy.
She doesn't even know what his charges were.
She thinks it's just colluding with Russia.
I was at the trial.
I heard these ridiculous charges.
In fact, I heard the prosecutor's opening statement and I thought, okay, how about I just say guilty and we do whatever's next?
What is it, a $300 fine?
His crimes were possibly forcing Wikileaks, but you can't force WikiLeaks to do anything.
So encouraging WikiLeaks to release Hillary's emails.
That was one, there was like four or five stupid charges, but they basically came down to wanting Hillary's emails released and talking to Julian Assange about it.
No evidence of that, by the way.
Just like, here's a call that probably went to WikiLeaks, and that's probably what they talked about.
Who gives a fuck if that's what they talked about?
I wanted Hillary's emails released.
Half of the fucking left wanted her emails released.
Everyone in media wanted that story.
Everyone wants Trump's tax returns released.
Everyone wants more transparency.
What's the matter with transparency?
What's the matter with Joe Biden being investigated and us finding out what his son was up to?
Why is his son a consultant for a coal company?
What the fuck is going on?
Why can't I look into shit?
Oh no, a politician's private emails were released.
This is a woman who wants to control your life and you're worried about her privacy.
Anyway, that's not a crime.
And then the other one was lying.
He did receive an email from Julian Assange and he denied it.
He got thousands of emails a day during that time.
And one of them was from Assange.
It wasn't an interesting email, by the way.
It was like, are you going to Dorothy's on Thursday?
And so he got charged because that's technically lying to the FBI, which is technically an impeachable offense or some shit.
But this has happened all the time.
We had, what's his name?
The guy from CNN, Clapper?
The ex-CIA guy.
Jake?
Yeah.
No, not Jake Tapper, you fucking retard.
Okay.
Clapper, I believe his name is.
He was a CIA guy.
I think he's...
But he got a job at CNN as a contributor.
Clapper.
He got a job at CNN as a contributor.
This has happened a million times before, making a mistake when you're interrogated by the FBI.
Yeah, that's him.
Reacts to a call that he should be investigated.
Ooh.
So Robert Mueller is.
I'm not as excited about this news as everyone else is.
I still think four years is ridiculous.
And when you're 67 years old, is four years really that different from seven?
It should be fucking zero.
Like that guy who's in prison, Max Hare's buddy, Animal, for killing a pedophile.
I can't wait to become a judge.
You murdered a pedophile in cold blood, even though you're absolutely positive it was him.
Okay, you know what?
Fuck you.
Guilty.
You are going to the tombs in New York City for two entire days, and you have a $350 fine.
Get him out of here.
Get him out of my courtroom.
Roger Stone, you're working with Julian Assange?
You know, he basically committed a crime when he released Hillary's emails.
You know what?
Fuck you, Roger Stone.
You have a $1,000 fine.
No jail time or probation or anything.
It's a misdemeanor erased from your record.
Thousand bucks, Stone.
What's Carpe Dunkdom's take?
Listen to this.
Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown, and things seem hard or tough, and people are stupid, obnoxious, or daft, and you feel what you've had quite enough.
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving, revolving at 900, 100 miles an hour, that's orbiting at 90 miles a second.
So it's reckoned.
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see are moving at a million miles a day in an outer spiral at 40,000 miles an hour.
The galaxy we call the Milky Way.
Roger's sexual proclivities are so adventurous, I don't mind seeing him just as a housewife.
It's plausible.
It's on expanding and expanding in all of the directions it can whiz.
Anyway, you guys are.
As fast as it can go, he gets back in the fridge at the end.
You know, that song kind of always annoyed me because it's Monty Python saying there's no intelligent life down here.
It reminds me of this.
I checked in on my buddies sometimes in Twitter, my old comedy pals, to see what they're up to.
And Tim Harrington, the singer of Lesavvi Faf, I used to hang out with him all the time.
Our kids were friends.
And we never, politics never really came up.
This is back in Obama days.
But now his feed is just Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.
And one of the tweets I read really haunted me.
It said, the kids voted for a drunk school bus driver.
And now we can't do a recount or get him off the bus.
And I just thought, that is so perfect.
That's how you see us, liberals.
You see us as children.
Whoever elected Trump is a child.
He's a drunk.
And I get the analogy with the drunk, whatever you want.
Yeah, he's bombastic.
Sure.
That part works.
But your analogy falls apart when you call us children, when you call half the country children.
So, I don't know.
I'm not really dancing in the streets at four years.
Anything more than a $1,000 fine, and even that $1,000 fine is fucking stupid, but I can handle that level of injustice.
Speaking of injustice, Tommy Robinson promoted our Justice for Liberty thing.
I tried to put that up on my YouTube.
I wonder if it's going to take.
Antifa is desperately trying to hack the site.
They're doing things like they will donate like 10 cents to try to figure out where the money's going so they can harass PayPal or Chase.
Or they'll say they'll put in $1,000 and then block the charge to fuck up the number.
But I think it's amazing that this isn't even for, you know, proud boys to do something that is controversial.
This is for a baby.
This fund is to give to a fatherless child who is flat broke.
John Kinsman is declared bankruptcy.
And they're trying to get her, you know, presents at Christmas and shit like that.
Nope.
Fuck that.
No black baby without a father.
You can't have any favors.
But this was Tommy's take on it.
I thought this was pretty cool.
This is just a quick video.
It's an appeal, really.
There was some crowd boys.
I was reminded of something with Hack Baker with the PC plod, the opening song.
When I went to visit him, I met this fucking dude with a massive machete scar.
And I said, you know, in America, the cops are kind of on our side as far as like hooligans, as far as working class people who are concerned about Islam and patriots and Trump supporters.
The cops like us.
The cops like proud boys, but their bosses don't.
So they can't really have our backs.
But I don't feel a kinship with any captains or lieutenants or anything, or even some detectives.
But as far as like the boys in blue out on the streets, they're good guys.
And he goes, not here, mate.
No fucking way.
No one likes them.
They're fucking evil.
They're cock suckers.
Oh, okay.
Well, that's, I guess, you know, that sounds weird to me, though, because it's not a well-paying job at the beginning.
So you tend to be working class.
So you tend to understand working class problems.
No, no, no, mate.
And then I'm talking to Tommy later on.
And I go, I think I'm getting the coronavirus.
I'm talking to Tommy later on.
And I said what I just said to him, what I said to you.
And they go, no, it's exactly the same here in London that it is in New York.
They're all like geezers.
Some of them are top geysers.
It's their boss, just as you said.
And I said, well, Noddy said that they're fucking bastards.
And they go, yeah, Noddy's a criminal.
Of course he fucking hates them.
They get in his way when he's trying to commit crimes.
From America, put in jail after fighting Vantifa.
I've just seen an appeal.
I've been in this situation only for a small amount of time and so many people supported me.
This gentleman has a young baby called Libby who now doesn't have his dad with him.
Her dad?
For four years.
Antifa activists, who are violent, waited outside of a Proud Boys event to attack them.
They did attack them.
These men acted in self-defense, but just as we've seen the politicization of our courts, the same happened in America.
A massive campaign to designate the Proud Boys as a hate group.
And the lad's now been sentenced to four years.
So he will.
I can remember 2011, I went to jail and I was leading the English Defence League.
And I remember everyone says, we're with you, we're with you.
And I remember how alone I felt.
I spent 22 weeks in solitary confinement, shipped to five different prisons.
And I remember thinking, fuck off.
Everyone says they're with you.
My wife's out there struggling.
My kids are out there.
I remember thinking that.
I haven't felt that in my last few sentences.
I've smiled.
I felt so much love and support.
So this, it would be great if he felt mass support.
So if you can spare a pound, a few pounds, five pounds, twenty pounds, fifty pound, whatever you can spare, let's let this lad know that people support him, support his family.
I'll put the link in here.
He should have said the name of the site.
He put it in the write-up or held up a picture.
Tommy's kicking ass and taking names, by the way.
He just went to Denmark, where in parliament they gave him a free speech award.
And now he's going to Russia to explain to politicians there, likely corrupt politicians, the trouble with Islam.
And he's sort of put together this incredible presentation about grooming gangs, how they start, what their MO is.
And I've told you the MO before, right?
You offer the 12-year-old a sweetie, and then you say, let me see a picture of your boobs, or give this guy a kiss on the cheek, and then they say, oh, we have a Polaroid of you kissing on the cheek.
You better show us your tits.
And then, oh, we have a Polaroid of your tits.
We're going to show it to your whole family.
And then you keep roping them in with more and more blackmail until you have a prostitute.
And that's racist to point out in Britain.
They keep getting fucking attacked on a daily basis, and they keep denying that there's an issue.
Speaking of issues, Juicy Small A is going to court on the 23rd.
Where did I put that?
Yeah, it's right before Roger Stone.
Indicted by special prosecutor in Chicago.
Good.
Maybe after, oh, this is Donald Trump Jr., whose Instagram I highly recommend, by the way.
He had Mitt Romney and mom jeans, and it said, mom jeans, because I'm a fucking pussy.
Maybe after putting so many through so much, what are you doing?
And fanning the flames of hate for weeks, maybe we will finally get justice for Jussie.
Now, if this was a MAGA guy, like say, who's that home improvement dude, Tim Allen.
If Tim Allen said that liberals beat him up and took his MAGA hat and put a noose around his neck, whatever, he would be arrested, ridiculed, thrown in jail.
Again, he did time for dealing cocaine.
He would have had the book thrown at him.
But because he's black and gay, Michelle Obama did everything she could to hide this case.
But eventually, justice has to happen.
We should go down for that case.
Milo was talking about covering it.
We also have CPAC and AFPAC we should cover.
And I also want to get these new shows out, Fighting with Larry and Gary's Mailbag.
That's Larry Barnes commentating on fights.
And Gary contaminating my desk until I can't do my show.
And going through the mail.
Are they denying the link?
It's so weird.
I remember heavy as a vice type of thing, but more hip-hop.
With my big bro, JoJo.
God, he's such an imbecile.
You know what's funny about all the pictures of him going in and out of the courthouse now?
He's got this look of persecution on him, like, I'm basically the new Malcolm X. Vilified.
Look at them throwing me back in court just because I'm black and gay.
No, in fact, it's your black and gayness that kept you out of court this long.
But you're in it now, buddy.
What's going to happen to him?
Is he going to get seven to nine years?
Will the government recommend seven to nine years for him?
He's going to get the dumbest sentence ever.
It's going to be like four months of probation.
Whoa!
Wait, turn it up.
Hate crime.
Smollett's attorney just learning the news.
They have their ability to do whatever they're going to do, and we will push back against them.
The 36-page indictment includes 16 felonies for lying to police.
He told them he was beaten on this Chicago street corner by two men who were which I'm told is a huge gay street.
No, pause it.
Yeah.
Homos go up and down there and they suck dick for mess.
It's like gay prostitution street.
I'm sure not a lot were doing them that night because it was like zero degrees, nine minus 20.
It was cold enough to freeze bleach.
Go on him and left a noose around his neck.
Who the would make something like this up?
Bogus police report.
A retard cause real harm.
Chicago's top cop says the actor orchestrated the stunt for publicity.
Investigators say he hired Abel and Ola Osentier.
We know.
He hired the Hodge twins to do what?
Seen here on security footage to stage the attack.
The brothers face so lame.
Maybe Africans don't even know what lynching is.
But it's supposed to be a thick rope.
It has to carry a person.
He had like a shoestring around his neck.
In Cook County, most criminal cases don't go to trial.
A lot of them are resolved in a police.
Consonance.
I've seen salami strung up more thoroughly.
...federal charges after police say he mailed himself a death threat.
If convicted, Smollett could face up to...
The way you have to see Juicy Smollett is he's an infant.
Like, think of a four-year-old.
That's what you're looking at right now.
Hold on to me.
Hold on to me.
Okay, I'm holding.
So, and he's being intense because he's noticed that other four-year-olds are intense and he wants to look like other four-year-olds.
He's trying to blend in.
I'm still not done with the news.
This is all news.
The hunt is back.
Remember that movie that was banned?
And I said, don't ban it.
I don't care that elitists are hunting mega supporters for sport.
I like that.
I even like Jordan Peele's Nazi Hunter show because I see it as a parody of liberal paranoia.
It's a funny joke, the idea of Nazis lurking everywhere and you having to kill them.
And this, this is a good example of what the elites want to do.
They want us dead, by the way.
They don't want us censored.
They look at Max Hare.
He's in prison and they're terrorizing his girlfriend because they don't want him even to have a relationship.
They want us dead.
So this hunting thing is their fantasy.
And I'm glad they did it.
But of course you had to make the hair a fucking badass bitch.
You don't understand the question?
Oh, no, I do.
Most people know where they are.
Why most people?
You're in the glorious state of Arkansas, sweetheart.
No, no, please!
No!
Ha!
No!
Now, what's those people in that corner store?
Are they billionaires?
Or are they just they work at this hunting ground?
Because they're probably making like if they work at this hunting ground, they're probably making like 60K a year or something.
So you should just kill these poor workers.
I don't like that in movies like stormtroopers when you see them getting killed.
I'm like, they're just doing their job.
You know, or when someone's escaping from a corrupt place and they're killing all the security on the way out.
I'm like, those guys are just retired cops trying to make some extra money for their kids' college.
Normal folk like us.
Mississippi.
I bet a lot of those actors would love to hunt mega supporters.
Like that mad TV guy.
We're being hunted.
Oh, it's the producers, the same producers as Gedal.
Oh, we talked about this, right?
You thought it was Jordan Peel.
Yeah, a woman's gonna kill me by sticking a shoe in my eye.
This is the same one.
We've seen this before.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's good news.
The more art, the better.
Even if it's anti-me.
Also in the news, Bloomberg, I think Andrew Yang is out.
Thank you.
I think we're down to Butt Boy and Sanders.
Butt Boy.
I don't know if Biden is even in.
Is there a link for Bloomberg?
No, I didn't.
I sent it to you yesterday.
Oh, let me see.
Since I've been kicked off social media, my text groups are my social media.
I got my Bloom.
So it's just old white people left.
Are you sure he's done done or this is just damning?
Because he resigned?
Stepped out?
I don't know.
I don't know.
There's a lot of denial too.
Like Buddhigig thinks he won.
No one who's run who's not been first or second in New Hampshire is ever a president, is ever even a nominee.
He used your 5% in this quote.
95% of your money.
This is getting spooky.
And murder victory.
Spooken.
Why wouldn't you just pull up the spooky?
I was on a different thing.
Oh my God.
Look how slow you are.
This is him pulling up his video drop.
Spook him.
The moment's gone.
Yeah, so Bloomberg is fucked.
I think he's out of the race because of this horrible racist thing that he said.
And it is perfectly reasonable.
95% of your murders and murderers and murdered victims fit one MO.
You can just take the description zero and pass it out to all the topics.
That's a male minority fit in the 2016.
That's true in the earth.
And that's what the real time she's got.
She's got some specialists.
is people say, oh my God, you are arresting kids for marijuana.
They're all minorities.
That's true.
Why?
Because we've got the customers against us.
That's true.
Why she does it?
That's what it's the way she gets the guns on the kitchen is to run them against the wall.
First speaker, and then they start to say, oh, I don't want that.
I don't want to get caught.
So they don't bring the gun.
95%.
Help me out here.
What is controversial about that?
I think the video ends before he gets to the controversial part.
You can only see a minute.
He was always cool about stopping frisk in New York.
Now, for his presidency run, he took it all back and said, stop and frisk is evil.
Never do it.
Don't ever do it.
It's horrible.
Meanwhile, it's why he was a successful mayor.
It's why Juliani cleaned, it's how Giuliani cleaned up New York by catching turnstile jumpers.
It's it called broken window theory?
Please don't send me nine letters telling me I got broken window theory wrong.
Please.
I'm done being lectured by millennials.
We have his apology for the stop and frisk here.
Ah, thank you.
Hmm.
Big gay ice cream is the best.
Look at the way he spoons that.
Did you notice that?
Ah, thank you.
Yep.
I've never used a spoon before.
Big gay ice cream.
His servants usually just spoon feed him?
Does he usually eat with a ladle?
They're like, what the fuck is this thing?
A little ladle?
Yeah, he said he was getting shit about Stop and Frisk.
This is back, I'm going to say like five or six years ago.
And they said it's racist.
And he goes, yeah, it is racist.
Against whites.
He said whites represent X amount of crime in New York.
5%.
5%.
And they are pulled over.
Let's say it's 5% just for fun.
They are pulled over and stopped and frisked about 7% to 8%.
So they're getting frisked more than they commit crimes.
And blacks who are committing more, a higher percentage of crimes than they are getting frisked.
So it's actually affirmative action.
But that still means that hundreds and hundreds of black people are being stopped and frisked.
But it fucking worked.
People don't get that New York is a hellhole crime zone.
It's not Norway.
It's not Scandinavia.
It's not a matter of just throwing money at the problem.
It needs tough love.
It's a tough city that's fucking dangerous.
You want to see a white crime?
Yes.
Teen pranksters pretend to spill coronavirus on New York City subway.
It's all good.
black and white.
Who would fall for that?
I would.
No, I'm out.
Oh!
Oh, this is wild!
Oh, this is wild!
This guy on his shoes.
I have virus on my shoes.
Did you see the guy on the plane?
We talked about him, right?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we showed him.
Speaking of Scandinavia, you can't buy a plane ticket in Northern Europe without getting a fucking lecture on how much you suck.
Now, Scandinavia, as we know, is Denmark, Norway, and Sweden.
And it's an incredibly successful place, very racially homogeneous place.
And if you dare show any pride there, the airline SAS, Scandinavian Americans, I don't know what SAS stands for.
Scandinavian Airlines wants you to know that everything you take for granted as Scandinavian culture is not yours.
It's stolen.
It sucks.
What is truly Scandinavian?
Nothing.
Nope.
Absolutely nothing.
Fuck you.
You know what?
This is whites in a nutshell.
They love saying that they're useless.
I don't get it.
Maybe it's because I'm Scottish.
Would you do an all-Scottish mailbag today?
There's no such thing.
Everything is copied.
Our democracy.
Credit goes to Greece.
Just pause.
Well, yeah, I guess the Greeks were the first to practice democracy.
Then it evolved and spread out into all kinds of different versions.
Like, just because you can trace something back to a different place doesn't mean it's not fundamentally yours.
You think that you're a person?
You're not.
You're 50% mom and 50% dad.
Without them, you wouldn't exist.
Ergo, you don't exist.
You're 0% you.
Nothing is Gavin.
Nothing.
Nada.
Niente.
This is such weak logic.
Parental leave?
Thank you, Switzerland.
The iconic Scandinavian windmills.
Just pause.
They got the ideas for parenting from Switzerland?
What does that mean?
Are they talking about paternal leave or something?
Yeah, yeah, paid leave.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
If anyone else did it before you, it's not yours.
By the way, what culture anywhere in the world sprung up from the ground?
Maybe the Papua New Guinean cargo cult who worship aeroplanes?
Oh no, that's our planes they worship.
Maybe some tribesman in some far-off land, like that idiot who was getting an Instagram of himself on that Thailand island off of India, and he was killed by the Aboriginals there.
Maybe them, but their culture sucks.
Culture, by definition, is an amalgam of different influences.
It's what you do with the ingredients.
It's the pie you bake.
The sentinels.
sentence yeah irritating actually invented in persia Oh, because Persians.
Because Persians had some roundabout thingy, then you can't have your modern windmills.
It's basically this.
You stole it from Persia.
Yeah.
And we made the German bicycle a staple of our city.
A bike with a basket.
Thank you, Germany.
What Nassing!
It's Turkish.
What?
Smapple.
So just pause.
The Vikings were such fucking incredible badasses who basically created English, by the way.
Defined Europe.
All Scottish folklore.
All that Loch Ness monster and all that.
That's Nordic god shit.
That's Viking shit.
The Vikings dominated Europe forever.
And the fact that they went down to Turkey, stole their bread, got the recipe, and brought it back, that's Scandinavian.
That's incredible that you guys were able to spread out that far and create this culture from all your winnings.
Thor, you're an amalgamation of a bunch of cultural diffusions.
That's I hate that kind of bread, by the way, Scandinavia.
I love that type of bread.
Yeah, we heard your joke, shit lips.
What about licorice?
It's Chinese.
And miss so much, don't you?
German.
They show an old Scandinavian woman crying.
You're useless.
Cry, bitch.
And it gets worse.
Rumor has it the also Swedish meatballs might not be as Swedish as you think, but Turkish.
Even from when the Swedes invaded Turkey and took the best their culture had to offer Danish isn't Danish.
You're not Danish.
The paperclip was actually invented by an American.
What?
Are Scandinavians particularly proud of their paperclips?
This is like when they do Black History Month and they go, hey, without black inventors, none of this would be here.
What do you mean?
Well, that peanut butter, that traffic light, and those potato chips would be gone.
Okay, bye.
Oh, yeah?
You think you have culture?
That's not even your paperclip.
Okay, I won't use, I don't use paperclips.
The World Trade Center technically built by black people since peanut butter fueled them.
Oh, you like your architecture?
Bricks came from Persia.
America, thank you for taking the first steps in empowering the women's rights movement.
You're welcome.
Wait, just because they're first doesn't mean it's not your thing, too.
We're no better than our Viking ancestors.
You may want to do a 20-me and 21-and-me, whatever that's called, DNA thing.
You're not exactly replete with Viking ancestors, my friend.
I was at a bar the other day and I was talking about us to the Spanish bartenderies from Spain.
And by the way, it's his fault that I thought I could pick up beanbag and alligator arms because he seemed very enthusiastic about them.
And he got it in my head that they would give a shit about me.
Anyway, he goes, well, it's not we.
You're from Canada.
I'm from Spain.
It's hardly we.
I was talking about something in Western.
And I said, look, dude, we have to take all the guilt for all the bad shit.
So I'm also taking the winnings.
I'm also taking the pride for all the incredible inventions, you know, like this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, I'm going to take the credit.
If I have to bear the brunt of slavery, I'm also going to take the winnings of electricity and democracy and separation of church and state and the Industrial Revolution and fucking glass.
Do you know how complex it is to make glass?
Check out the glass chapter and who built that.
It's incredible.
The Venetians and the technology used to melt sand and turn it into a fucking transparent thing.
Jesus, it's complicated.
No, we don't need to see a documentary on glass.
Thank you very much.
Go back to this Scandinavian culture.
It doesn't exist shit.
It's a unique Scandinavian thing.
By the way, you're welcome.
I've been great.
Innovation.
Progress.
Yeah, we improve it.
The best of everywhere.
To here.
Yeah, that's what Scandinavian culture is: a beautiful, successful amalgam of what is inherently theirs, what was born there, and what they brought in from their conquering and exploring.
by peace, by everyday people who found the best of our lives.
I'll tell you one thing that is uniquely white and that whites created, and that's guilt and shame.
We are the progenitors of ethnomasochism.
We invented we suck culture.
You're not going to find this in Mexico.
Mexico Airlines isn't going to talk about how much they suck.
Can you imagine?
Imagine an African airlines ad.
We think we have invented things and there are things that are African.
Maybe, you know, hunting albinos and drinking their blood, but everything else was invented by the white man.
The plane we are flying, the schedule, the airport itself was all white people.
So we would like from Africa to give you a large thank you to the white man for making this beautiful, beautiful culture.
Can I have a flight from here to the...
I don't even care if they eat the poo-poo.
Why are you gay?
Why are you gay?
Okay, now we're finally done with all the breaking news.
Now we just have sweet tidbits.
How long have we been chatting for?
Oh, we took a break in the middle, right?
A little bit.
A little bit.
All right, what should I squeeze in here?
How about Scott Ockerman?
This was fun to watch.
So we've been doing this.
We're at, what, 15,100 subscribers.
We've been doing this since June.
So about half a year.
June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February.
Yeah.
Eight months.
And we have 15,000.
SquawkBox on MSNBC is lucky to get 25,000.
Now, of our 15,100, all of them are in the 25 to 54 demographic, which is all that matters.
You can have a billion 70-year-olds watching your show.
The advertisers aren't interested because 70-year-olds don't buy anything.
So all that matters is the demographic.
And we have a perfect demographic.
Maybe it's a little too male, but as far as age goes, they're a very valued demo.
And we've been doing this for eight months.
How long has MSNBC been around?
And how much fucking money have they spent?
And they're piped into your living room against your will.
They're just sitting there saying, watch me, watch me.
And they have 10,000 more than us.
Now, our show isn't close to as successful as, say, Scott Auckerman's podcast, which gets 2 million.
And the thing I love about this interview is you can see these three boomers in their dinosaur media building that is probably fucking literally half a million dollars a month in rent.
They're right there, right by Times Square.
And they must know their days are numbered.
And they're sitting there talking to the future and pretending they're just learning about, you know, the economy of cheese.
So where do you get the milk from?
And how, do you have a lot of regulations?
You got a lot of hoops you got to jump through?
They're pretending that they're just curious about economics.
But what they're really doing is lying on their deathbeds talking to a virile young man who gets pussy every night.
Really has.
I mean, when I started out in comedy in the 90s, and there were basically just a few ways to get popular.
You had to be on something like The Tonight Show, and if you were on The Tonight Show, you could tour endlessly from it.
Now being on the Tonight Show is essentially enormous.
There's so many talk shows out there.
Who cares if you're on one?
That just said that TV is no longer effective.
Who cares if you're on a talk show?
He's on a talk show right now.
And he's so right.
Like him being on Squawkbox.
Ooh, the 2 million that listen to his podcast are really interested in the 25,000 people that watch Squawk Box.
So he's doing them a favor just appearing on this.
Which is why, wait, which is why the producers booked him.
Because they go, we got to get our numbers up.
He's got all these young people listening to his pot, whatever a pop pood cast is.
Can you guys talk to him?
Yeah, we'll interview him.
Can we get some of your glamour, some of your machismo, some of your mojo?
And you had to sort of get a really strong 10-minute axe that could translate.
It's like Alec Baldwin in.
You know what movie I'm talking about?
When he comes in and he's like, you need brass balls to sell.
A, always B, B, C, selling.
When he goes in there to give him a peck talk.
Boss, baby?
Let's go do it.
Yeah, don't interrupt the show if you don't know what the reference is, please.
Into a sitcom like Roseanne or Seinfeld or Ray Romano.
And nowadays, with the democratization of the internet, you can basically, I put out a podcast that gets 2 million listens a month, and I'm on a sold-out tour across the country, and no one has ever heard of me.
So let's just go back to the 2 million a month.
What did it take for you to get there?
I've been doing it for seven years.
So when I started seven years ago, I would get about 2,000.
That's my favorite part.
Because he's like, maybe he's been doing this since he was a kid or something?
No, I've been doing it for about the same amount of time as you've been working at MSNBC.
So seven years.
What are you making now?
I make $300K a year.
That's a good night for me.
Great night, actually.
I'd be pretty happy with that.
But I only get that maybe 40% of the nights.
$2 million a month.
What did it take for you to get there?
I've been doing it for seven years.
So when I started seven years ago, I would get about 20,000 listens a week.
I've done it consistently.
Oh, that's the other thing, too.
For fun, he has a show like Squawkbox called Comedy Bang Bang, but that's not part of, that's not even on his own radar.
That's like, oh, yeah, I do what you guys do for fun once a week.
It's just sort of like playing golf with your friends.
Out once or twice a week.
I think I've developed an audience over the seven years that is really loyal.
Do you make money?
Was there a point, a tipping point where you make money on that?
Or is this really like a...
Oh, so it's not just viewers.
I mean, it's actual income.
Wow.
Okay.
So it's like the two things I'm in this for are the money and the reach.
And you got both.
Got A lost leader to get you all the other.
It really started out as a lost leader.
I think I did it for three or four years, maybe.
And I started a podcast network myself with a bunch of friends, and I gave them all shows.
And no advertiser would touch it because no one had ever heard of a podcast before.
We were laughed out of major, major brands saying, why would we ever advertise on a podcast?
And now we can all make really good livings off of it because advertisers have really noticed that people really listen to podcasts and they have really devoted niche listenership.
And people are really aiming for niche audiences right now in a way that we've never seen.
So free comedy.
Before you can make money, how many people have to be 30,000?
Doesn't she sound like an intern?
Or your baby sister or something?
So, and then how long was it before you started making money?
You said like seven years you'd been doing this in three or four.
So like three years you've been making tons and tons of money?
Fuck.
30,000 listens a week, then we can kind of, we can get an advertiser interested in it.
Let me go back to the comment about the today show just for a second.
So getting on a book show.
Tonight show.
Can I say the today show?
The tonight show.
I'm done.
That's perfect too.
Because he's basically doing the today show right now.
And Scott Ackerman just said, and I don't think he's being, he's doing this on purpose.
He's not a malicious.
He used to write for Mr. Show, by the way.
I think he's genuinely being benevolent and saying, yeah, I'll appear on your show and tell you my shit.
But this guy is crushed that his business is not appealing to anyone.
In other words, Scott appearing on your show right now is charity.
So this is like Jim Carrey showing a kid who just got a bike his car.
Yeah.
Getting on a big show like that doesn't move the needle anymore.
It doesn't move the needle anymore.
It used to be if you did a stand-up set, and especially if Johnny called you over to the couch, you would tour forever.
You would have a really solid, headlining career going in the clubs.
And now because there's just so much entertainment out there, it really doesn't matter if you're on one of those shows.
Is that a reflection of the tonight show or of the club scene?
Isn't it?
This is why, see, I was wondering why I love this so much, and it just keeps getting better and better.
So now she's trying to discount and go, well, maybe the tonight show has just gone down.
And TV's still really important.
Like being on Squawkbox is probably still really important, right?
No.
I mean, the club scene has sort of died down a little bit, but it's more of a kind of there's so much entertainment out there now, which is great for comedians because now you can get a show, but not everyone is watching that show anymore.
It used to be, you know, if you had a sitcom out there, you know, there'd be 30 million people.
Me too gatekeepers is what he's saying.
Watching your show.
And they are at the gate going, fuck.
Keep going.
Now we can put out my show, you know, my talk show that I host, Comedy Bang Bang.
You know, I mean, maybe 100,000 people will watch it every week, but that's four times squawkbox.
What's going to happen to Comedy Central?
Look at that other guy staring at the desk.
Wait a minute.
100,000, that's four times 25.
That's our best night quadrupled.
What the fuck?
This doesn't make any sense.
My days are numbered.
You just snapped out of it these days.
I think it's great.
I mean, it's a great place.
Kent Alterman just took over there.
And, you know, I mean, there will always be these sort of gatekeepers and these kind of destinations that people go to.
I know people who just turn on Comedy Central and they leave it on all day.
But what's more interesting, I think, are the newer things that are popping up that have niche audiences like CISO, where we do bajillion-dollar properties.
It's a small network, but the people who watch it are rabid, rabid fans, and they're willing to spend money.
I asked you before we came on, but most underrated comedian right now that we don't think about.
We talk about Amy Schumer.
She doesn't cover Benjamin.
Everyone talks about Amy Schubert.
Pretty good, huh?
All right, let's go to the mailbag and let's do all Scots.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
All right.
Now, this is going to be hard for you to find because I'm just, why don't you just search Scottish as a word?
And you should start with Jennifer McInnes.
No relation to me, although maybe if you go back enough.
Dearest Gavin, this episode was worth...
Oh, she's talking about the stupid Trump supporters where I went through all of Trump's...
And you let him say, grab the pussy, and you let him do that, and you let him do that.
Remember that episode?
Yep.
And then at the end, we find that he writes children's science fiction.
Yeah.
And he's saying, you don't even read.
Apparently, you don't even write.
So she was liking that episode.
I'm 47, a happily married mom, an intellectually curious architect living in the Midwest.
We have four kids, which is miraculous since we married in 2001 when I was 28 and my husband was 37.
Keep telling the kids today to marry and procreate.
I would add that prayer is another magic ingredient to happiness.
I am absolutely fucking starved.
I'm adding in some words.
For smart humor.
Hubs and I suffered financially during Obama's tenure and we shut the fuck up about it.
On the day after Trump's election, I was greeted by a long text of fear from my closest friend from high school.
Suddenly, after all that, I'm a stupid, brainwashed, and hateful.
All this after biting my tongue about effing Obama for eight years, as I'm surrounded by women who are loudmouth, libs, or apolitical, living in the black hole state of Illinois, I've had all this political rage that needs to get out.
Blah, blah, blah.
You and Milo makers laugh.
Hubs and I watch your show in bed.
Our kids are the same age as yours, and we share similar parenting styles, which is almost as alienating as being a conservative Gen X female.
Your nightly electronics lockdown in cell block H tirade is a bomb, B-A-L-M, to the never-ending parental watch.
Yeah, and it sucks now that the kids have phones, because I say no screen time, but now I gotta search and get their phones and put them in the, because my eldest two kids have their own phones now.
So you're not allowed to play video games or look at the iPad, but why don't you just look at the phone?
Or my daughter, she has her computer, and I go, what are we doing?
No screens during the week.
She goes, I'm doing my homework.
Now, she can move the tabs really fast.
So if I run over to see the screen, it's going to be some educational bullshit template.
But behind that is TikTok and memes.
I'm losing the battle against screens.
Once they get a phone, you lose your power.
And when I confiscate the phones, I'll see all these DMs and stuff like, hey, where are you?
We're meeting at Starbucks.
Or are you going to this thing?
Now I'm hurting their social life.
Questions.
One.
Can I use clips of your show on Twitter?
It annoys me that no one like you is on Twitter.
A human is a key to this lodging, this Trump derangement syndrome everywhere.
Of course you can.
I don't know how you're going to get them off the show, but I don't police clips that are under five minutes.
Once they get to 7, 10, I'm going to try to shut you down because why would anyone pay?
But yeah, I appreciate you doing free marketing for me.
Two, would love a specialty episode aimed at teens.
Okay.
The really raunchy language, i.e.
C-word an ellipse level language.
What's level language?
Oh, an ellipse level language.
Prevents us from sharing with our teen daughters in real time.
They are barraged with BS.
They see us laughing while watching a show.
And unfortunately, we say, oh, nothing you can see.
Sincerely, Jerry McInnes.
P.S. We share the last name.
In addition, Clan McInnis mottos of y labore del Cido, which is my favorite McInnes motto.
And it's got a cool crest.
I'm thinking of getting it as a tattoo.
It's a B on the crest with like a belt.
And it says, pleasure arises from work.
Or toil yields delight.
And I have noticed that.
Maybe it's a Scottish thing or maybe it's a youth thing too.
But when you really bust your ass after a hard day, find the one with the B. There's another one that's like, death for the king.
No, I'm not dying for no fucking king.
Yeah, by the grace of God and the king.
We're teaching our kids your excellent axiom, McKinnis's don't quit, we get fired.
And then finally, uncanny fun fact, we met your cousin and aunt at the Chicago Highland Games.
My husband has an eagle eye for our tartan.
Our girls are Scottish Highland dancers, and we hosted our clans' tent one year at the games.
Oh, the McKinnises get a whole tent.
God, we have so much mail, and we're going to, I'm going to go away soon with my kids.
So that's going to be, we should just do a bunch of mailbag shows because I like the variety.
And this is just Scottish, and it's already got tons of variety.
Also sending more video messages.
Those are cool.
Yeah.
For Gary and for us.
But make sure in the subject you say the word Gary.
Right.
Because I'm sifting through literally hundreds of emails trying to find your video messages.
What's this one?
For Ryan's Eyes Only.
Cotton Candy Girl versus Acoustic Version?
What?
I don't give a shit about that.
He made that song that I showed you.
Nicholas, this is from Nick.
Hi, Gavin.
You're bet on GML about realizing how unappealing you are to the Canary Island hotties.
That's Beanbag and Alligator Arms.
Reminded me of this.
Don't know if you've seen Burnsdown before.
Kind of quirky Scottish sketch show.
Sometimes hit or miss, but this is a good one.
You need to watch it right through.
This is, I am familiar.
These are the guys who said 11 to the voice recognition elevator and it couldn't understand them.
What?
We're in our 30s.
And what?
We're the age lasses of 18 go for.
We've got money.
No bad looks.
Status.
If you're having trouble understanding, just read the subtitles.
Nothing in common with 18-year-olds.
What would we talk about?
What?
Hey, play in the closed captions.
Do you understand what they're saying?
Uh, yeah.
All right.
Come on.
No, he said, come on.
All right.
Hey.
He's up to.
He's in your music, guy.
I swear we're going to go.
Hey, wait, wait.
Look, these subtitles are way off.
He said, we're just having a drink and then we're going to go to a gig.
She says, I'll just say, have no janky name.
I got your cake.
That's inaccurate.
Keep going.
He's in your music, guy.
I swear we man.
But you're louser.
No one you or that.
Mainstream piss.
Kind of cutting edge.
Let me guess.
Mainstream piss.
Jameer Kwan.
Cutting edge.
Jameer Kwan.
JK.
Oh God, him.
No.
What?
No.
They get ancient.
Let me be guessing.
Look.
Their hair's getting white.
RB dancing.
RB simplined.
Simplinet.
What?
My dad maybe got to see them, maybe.
No, it's.
So who are these in the internet?
Calvin?
Calvin Harrison.
Calvin Harris?
The young fella.
Calvin Harris?
He said loads of songs done that one with Desi Dask.
He's got loads of songs out.
I think you mean Dissy Gillespie.
What is it you talk about in any way?
By the way, to the viewer who sent this, this is exactly what happened to me last Thursday.
This isn't roughly what happened.
This is precisely how I felt.
And it's why, for the entire weekend, I would remember it and go, blah, blah, blah.
Donna, up hills after we fish supper and have a wee jig to Al Johnson on the wireless.
Did you hear that?
We can have a fish supper and maybe a little dance a jig to Al John on the wireless.
What was that in?
I said I don't think so.
Okay, fair dues, youngin'.
Ferdus, youngin'.
That's perfect.
Thank you for that, Quinn.
Okay.
All right, Gavin, this is from Nick.
Here's a video I think you'd enjoy a few years ago.
Wait a minute.
It's old but gold, and I'm sure you won't have seen it.
It's an old Scottish alky getting himself in a shite situation.
If you've already made up your mind, you're going to give me somewhere more than that.
I mean, it's a hilarious Scottish video as a subject, but if you'd already put in Scottish, you'd be going through these at the same rate I am.
I just put in Scottish, there's a lot that comes up there.
Mom!
Yo, Becky, Mom!
Huh?
Facebook's not letting us have fun with that.
Okay, well, let's...
You can still see it.
Mom!
What?
So he was trying to climb over the fence, and he's wearing just his boxers for some reason.
And I've been in a similar situation.
You have to get up really high to untuck them.
But there's no leverage.
I don't know how you can get us in a situation like that, mate.
You just flip upside down and then be naked for a second?
No.
Oh, I guess you could wriggle out of them, sure.
I'm kidding you.
Are you still heavy?
They might get you.
No idea you got yourself in that situation.
That looks dangerous as hell.
Oh, the content's no longer available.
Wow, we just got it just in time.
All right, how are we doing here?
Let's do one more.
That's just Fioli.
Hey, Gav, love the show.
Can't believe the arrogance of no-nothing viewers chiming in about production.
Shut the fuck up and enjoy it or fuck off.
Simple.
When did entertainment become back and forth with the audience?
And I get the irony of me writing that in an email to a show I watch.
Anyway, my question is about Scottish rivalries.
I come for a long line of Camerons who were for Fife.
I haven't done any research as I'd rather get your take on how Glaswegians view Fifers or any other Scott for that matter.
Like you more than a friend, Ollie.
The rivalries in Scotland are Catholic versus Protestant.
So if you've got an Irish background, you follow the Celtics.
And if you've got more of a Protestant background, you follow the Rangers.
That's the beef.
Now, there is a beef with Glasgow and Edinburgh, the Ouija's and the Burgers.
Edinburgh's very wealthy.
They're more like Manhattan.
And Glasgow is more like Jersey.
But, you know, they're a two-hour drive apart, so they rarely see each other.
So yeah, if you're looking for rivalries, it's religious.
And as far as areas go, I think everyone in Glasgow loves rural Scotland because it's not Glasgow.
As my father says, best thing about Glasgow, you never get homesick.
All right, let's go to the final video and end the show.
I sent you a separate email that was Scottish Videos.
I think we may have shown them, though.
Ah.
But maybe find my email first.
Scotland.
So what are they now?
Oh, yeah, this is a good one.
This is a good one to end with.
Good show.
Good show.
Started out a little weak there because I couldn't fucking see straight.
Come on, you fucking picks.
Spraying water, you fucking assholes.
Come on, you fucking bastard.
I'll fucking do you.
I'll fucking do you.
Come in.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You hear that?
The very beginning goes, spraying water, you fucking assholes.
They did it first.
They started it.
Yeah.
Chicken ass chicken shit bastard.
That was such a good shot.
Did you see that?
Yeah.
The bottle went in butt first.
Thereby doing maximum damage.
Damn.
Perfect.
Look, then the neighbors are getting them.
People just have a hose?
Well, yeah, I guess with your sink.
Oh, the kitchen?
Yeah, you got a hose thing for the dishes.
God, it's so cold.
Oh, no, there's a fire extinguisher.
You ain't got nothing, you fucking prick.
You fucking prick.
Well, you lost, dummies.
You sprayed alcoholics with water and fire extinguisher shit.
I guess the fire extinguishers have water there, too.
And you got your window smashed.
Wow.
Threw a glass at his face.
That doesn't bother him.
He doesn't care.
I like this guy.
I'm on his side.
Oh yeah.
Finian bastards.
They got nothing.
Finian chicken ass.
More media, Finian bastards.
Go to get a polis.
Yeah, it's a polis.
Lucky how he has a bag with the Scottish flag on it.
Way to go, assholes.
Some drunk was minding his own business, headed home after a long night of fucking buck fast.
And you drench him and get him thrown in the clink.
You think they're just having a chat with him in the car first?
No, he's going to the drunk tank.
That is the way it started.
That is the way of the Scott.
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