Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML Live #32 - TRUMP RALLY

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Jan. 31, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:53:45

GOML Live #32 - TRUMP RALLY

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Now I just plunge my finger into the hole.
	Yeah.
	Which is great, because as a married man, you don't really get to finger anymore.
	Little blast from the past.
	Although I have fingered Ryan once in a while.
	Excuse me?
	As a friend.
	I don't remember that at all.
	You can do things that are seemingly sexual, but if you do them with your friends, they're not like jerk a buddy off or whatever.
	A bro job?
	A bro job while you're reading a magazine like, meh.
	That's not gay.
	That's how you would do it?
	Yeah, just like a man.
	Is that how you like it?
	I don't even care.
	I didn't even notice I was doing it.
	I'd pass.
	Like in a buddy beach.
	You ever do a BBJ?
	Nope.
	A buddy bow job?
	I guess it's not gay, but I thought it was.
	No.
	But now that I know it's not gay, maybe.
	No, it's gay if you moan.
	I would never moan.
	I would never moan.
	Speaking of gay, I know you're busy and you're controlling the soundboard and the telecaster and all the various grapple grummits, but could you be a peach and put on what you had on earlier today?
	Clothing-wise?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	That's the hardest I've ever laughed in years.
	Don't want to.
	Make sure that you get the t-shirt right, too.
	Oh, I haven't styled my hair since the gym where I had several large men beat me.
	I'm getting worse at boxing.
	My only hope is the meteor, the overhand right.
	And then I get that.
	No, no, the white t-shirt.
	That was crucial.
	Hehehehe.
	Ryan was so disturbed by my spit.
	I did a spit take when I saw this outfit that he changed into whatever he had at the studio, which was a free shirt.
	No, no, no.
	You got to do bare body.
	Yeah, everything is crucial here.
	You were looking for what?
	The openings to the shirt before you took off your other shirt?
	That's crucial.
	The fact that you tucked it in is crucial.
	Tucked the front.
	Like, what?
	You might as well, I wore a turtleneck last week as a joke.
	This is the exact same level of humor.
	Okay, folks at home.
	When you get a little over, just shuffle over.
	And get the collars, right?
	So this is, no, no, no, it was flat.
	It was flat.
	But you went, yeah, I'm just going to go out and get a BLD.
	Oh my God.
	And it was like 23 degrees today.
	And you've got your jean jacket rolled up.
	You look like you're in a Jack and Diane video.
	Boom, ba-diddle-da-dang.
	Doom, doom, doom.
	Doom, doo-doo-doo.
	Go let it rock.
	You look like a really cool karaoke video from 1989.
	The Japanese big karaoke video?
	Yes.
	Well, I got to put my Johnny Apple shirt on.
	Yeah, you look like an Asian dude in a karaoke John Cougar Mellon camp video who's sort of like, oh, yeah, I'm so laid back and cool.
	But the thing that shocks me about it is you went, this is a pretty good look.
	I'm going to fucking rock this.
	Go get a belt.
	There are all sorts of freaks in the city.
	I figured I'd blend right in, but I guess.
	You probably would, but that's not a good thing in New York.
	Yeah, I guess.
	Sometimes you got to go.
	You're blending in with the general populace of New York City.
	You have a problem.
	Speaking of which...
	We've got some fun stuff.
	Ryan went to the Trump rally in Wildwood, New Jersey, where he's from.
	No, I'm not from there.
	You know what a guy at the gym said to me today?
	He goes, fucking Wildwood.
	You ever been down there?
	I go, no.
	And he goes, that's where white trash were invented.
	Wow.
	He said that.
	And he's white trash.
	That's where people from Philly go to feel upper class, like to feel like, you know.
	Hell yeah, I'd like to get some hoogies at some point.
	But before we start the show, we should talk briefly about Johnny Apple CBD.
	I use Johnny Apple CBD every day.
	It helps me recover from all my boxing workouts.
	You rub that in.
	You know, when you do a leg day and your thighs, you're walking up the stairs like Robert De Niro in the Irishman with your little Tornosaurus Rex arms?
	If you find that when you beat the shit out of someone that was rude to your daughter and you have T-Rex arms, you need Johnny Apple CBD.
	It gives me the best sleep of my life, too.
	The gummies.
	I told everyone at my gym about how well Johnny Apple works for me and now everyone is using it.
	If you want to feel as great as I do, go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin and get 20% off all orders plus free chipping.
	Now, free chipping is when we send it to you free, but also include one or two particular.
	Oh, wow, it's on YouTube?
	Look at him.
	What is with his little hand?
	Looks like he's in a cast.
	Well, this is getting us booted from the tube.
	I'm kind of done with worrying about YouTube.
	I was watching our last live YouTube, and we just live in fear.
	Just fear.
	Fuck it.
	Yeah.
	It's only a matter of seconds before we're banned anyway.
	So yeah, use promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders, and free shipping.
	Johnny Apple is made from USA grown hemp, American hemp.
	You will not get high.
	That should be their sample that they would use.
	You will not get high.
	I was wondering.
	That was the T-Rex.
	But you will feel as great as I do every day, and you will have the best sleep of your life.
	Go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, show the sponsors some love, but more importantly, show yourself some love and feel great.
	I love these products.
	Visit jacbd.com, use promo code GAVIN and treat yourself.
	Look at that.
	Look at that.
	Are we supposed to promote Cavefe today?
	I don't know.
	I think we're-this is my weak, weak weakness.
	My weak, weak weakness.
	Your weekly weakness.
	At Vice, I had Shane do all the marketing.
	At Roosters, Sebastian handled all the marketing.
	Marketing is not my forte.
	I'm ungifted in that field.
	So I found out what we need to do, what we need to talk about exactly one minute before we started the show.
	I do love Jennifer.
	What are you going to do?
	And Bet DSI, but I'm not great at selling shit.
	All right, so this is funny.
	Tomorrow, if you're watching this on YouTube, you're probably a week behind.
	But tomorrow, a project that made me dress in this silly costume called Decolonize.
	What are they called?
	Decolonize Europe or Decolonize New York?
	Decolonize this place.
	What place?
	Earth?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	And I've had arguments with my wife's relatives about this.
	Okay.
	Because one of them said, I wish you never came here, meaning white men.
	I go, okay.
	What's your scenario?
	So no Columbus.
	That means no plague.
	That's kind of good.
	Because probably there'd be a lot more Indians in North America if there wasn't that plague that Columbus accidentally brought with the Europeans.
	Which was really what killed the Indians.
	They say it was colonization.
	It was their own bubonic plague that came up from the Caribbean, up the west coast, and slowly spread east.
	They were dying in droves when we got here.
	But anyway, so no pilgrims, no British, no English.
	They're not British.
	No Canada.
	Okay, how long does that last?
	And would you have a giant wall, like a Trump wall, that just blows up boats, Spanish armadas, you just can't get in?
	Okay.
	So you do that.
	That's absurd, by the way.
	Totally fucking ridiculous.
	We just burn it down.
	But anyway, let's say that works well.
	Now you want to do trade.
	What are you trading?
	Do you have skyscrapers?
	Do your buildings look like our buildings?
	Because I've seen Indian buildings, and believe me, I've made several Indians from scratch.
	I have a lot of respect for them.
	But the idea that they live in this perfectly preserved TP communion with nature, and the rest of us all live in the Industrial Revolution, it's just fucking ridiculous.
	Basically, a lot of people say that it would have just happened.
	Exactly.
	It's an inevitability.
	It happened across the world.
	Japan had the Ainu there before the Japanese came.
	Taiwan had the Taiwanese Aboriginals.
	New Zealand had the Maoris.
	Tell me your version of events.
	So the fact that that is still going now, decolonize this place.
	It gets crazier, though.
	So what they're going to do tomorrow is, well, let me go back a step.
	Stop.
	De Blasio has realized he wrecked New York City.
	He fucked up.
	And he came up with brilliant rules like you can piss wherever the fuck you want.
	You can do any kind of crimes that are, you know, not major felonies.
	Conversely, if you're white and you love Trump and you're in the Proud Boys, well, you get four years in prison for fighting Antifa.
	But Antifa, they can beat the shit.
	So I shouldn't say white.
	If you're right, if you're not left-wing, Antifa can go beat up journalists, take all their shit.
	They're fine.
	Slap on the wrist.
	But he's realized he's turned New York back into not even Ed Koch, New York, but David Dinkins, New York.
	It fucking sucks here now.
	He's ruined it.
	There's piss everywhere.
	There's no bail anymore.
	We had a guy rob a bank four times.
	He was arrested, threw him in jail.
	He came out because there was no bail, robbed a bank again, a fifth time.
	They arrested him, went back in jail.
	He robbed a bank a sixth time.
	And it's not a felony because he doesn't use a gun.
	I shouldn't have been holding my pen like this.
	He just hands a note.
	So anyway, de Blasio goes, I'm fucked.
	What should we do?
	And they go, he goes, what did Giuliani do, by the way?
	That seemed to work out great.
	He made Times Square turn from a brothel into Disneyland.
	What should, can I do that?
	And they go, well, sir, he did a lot of stop and frisk.
	That sounds racist.
	Well, actually, it stopped whites less than they occur in the crime stats.
	So it was actually racist towards whites, if anything.
	Sorry, stop whites more than they appeared in the crime stats.
	Yeah, I just don't like the idea of black people being stopped all the time.
	Okay, well, you're not going to like my number two because I just went poo on the piece of paper where you asked for ideas.
	Get it?
	Yes.
	Oh, oh, oh, that's so disgusting.
	Look how long we take to deliver jokes.
	Welcome to jokes in slow motion.
	No, my number two is not poo.
	My number two is, all right, well, this one really works well.
	We stopped turnstile jumpers.
	Turnstile jumpers seems like an innocent crime.
	Sorry, I don't have change.
	But we found that when we did that, this is all true, that a gun would fall out or they'd be a heroin dealer.
	And it just, I don't like it as an anarchist personally, me Gavin.
	But something about nabbing those jaywalkers in New York City led to us catching real bona fide criminals.
	We'd find heroin on them, all kinds of stuff.
	So that's a really great way.
	And plus, it's cheap and easy, and all you have to do is beef up the MTA security.
	So de Blasio goes, all right, let's do that.
	Fuck that.
	And so because doing that tends to stop people of color more than white people because the reason that more black people get stopped jumping turnstiles is more black people jump turnstiles.
	Sorry.
	But the way the left works now is: what's the result?
	Like, say you said fucking whipping knives from your car is illegal, and it led to a bunch of black people getting arrested.
	They call it a racist law.
	The Fields Medal is racist.
	Anyway, so white people have gone absolutely nuts trying to stop this racist law.
	And if you remember, there was a massive demonstration in Brooklyn where my favorite sign of all time, I'm sorry, we should have had this ready, but they stormed the streets, all white people stormed the streets screaming about racism and beefing up MTA security is racist, which beefing up, it's sort of like the wall.
	Like, why do you care if my door has 10 deadbolts?
	Am I overdoing the law?
	Okay.
	I'm still, it's still the law.
	You know what I mean?
	And by the way, aren't you all socialists?
	Public transit is what socialists want.
	They don't want cars.
	They want the subway.
	And it already is a socialist utopia.
	The subway in New York costs about $275.
	It costs about five bucks to run.
	So the taxpayers are already footing half the bill, but they want the whole bill covered.
	Anyway, a few weeks ago, they had this big demonstration.
	And there was one girl.
	I hope you can find it, Ryan.
	I'm sorry to put the pressure on.
	But she made a cardboard sign that said, oink, oink, you monsters.
	And then it was this big.
	And she was holding it, crying.
	And that was her way of saying, I don't support more fucking cops in the streets.
	Have you got it?
	Maybe if you typed in oink, oink, you monsters.
	I did try to Google it.
	Nothing came up so far.
	It's on my phone, which is charging.
	Would you say it was last year?
	Yeah.
	It was a few months ago.
	Yeah, yeah.
	All right, we'll dig that up.
	I promise you, we'll dig that up.
	And it's something you want to screen grab and make a t-shirt of it.
	I actually have it on my phone, saved it in my favorites, and I show it to cops whenever I can.
	And I've never gotten a good response.
	Maybe it's the cop.
	Cops are kind of like doctors.
	Like, they don't laugh the way I do at shit.
	So when I show them, I go, can you, I explain the story I just explained to you?
	And I go, can you fucking believe this?
	And I want them to go, what the fuck?
	That is so hilarious.
	And they always just say the same thing.
	They go, well, if that makes her better and that helps her get through her day, whatever.
	It's perfectly legal.
	Yeah, I know it's perfectly legal, dude.
	Trying to have a laugh with you.
	All right.
	So they've made a video here announcing the massive vandalism that's going to go on tomorrow because the subway being paid 50% by taxpayers is insufficient.
	We want free subways, you know, like there is in nowhere.
	I think I found a place in Estonia, which was totally destitute, bankrupt.
	And then they hired some punk guy who took over the country.
	He said all his cabinet have to watch an entire, sorry, every single episode of The Wire.
	And then he built a new parliament.
	And I guess they have a town that has a free subway.
	That's it.
	No one has a free fucking subway.
	What?
	Anyway, play the video.
	To all our friends, family, students, wage workers, teachers.
	Just pause.
	We know this was written by two rich white academics who are in their late 30s, early 40s.
	Bald white male who wears shirts that say white supremacy is terrorism, and chunky, grumpy feminist who is childless and heading towards menopause like a fucking freight train.
	And then they have their pet blacks come out and dress up in scarves and read their script, which reads like Marxist claptrap from someone's PhD.
	Fuck the police three is coming, J31, right here in New York City.
	We encourage you to talk with your friends.
	It is, right?
	It has tits.
	By the way, you can see what she sounds like if you just put that in Premiere Pro and then pitch correct, like change the pitch.
	Family, and think of the ways you can move in affinity to build and fuck shit up on J31.
	Move in Affinity.
	What?
	Is that like welfare or healthcare?
	My affinity plan?
	Classic thug talk.
	Pay attention to our social media where we're going to post the meetup location so that we can converge and move together.
	So you just gave away the meetup location.
	The mood for J31 is simple.
	Fuck your 275.
	Yeah.
	By the way, we're also going to be having another rally at McDonald's called fuck your fucking $1.89 Big Macs.
	Big Macs are free.
	Everything in McDonald's should be free.
	The government has enough money.
	Why can't they get some of these billionaires like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates to pay for our Big Macs and our subway rides and our movies?
	I had to pay for the movies the other day.
	You know what that cost?
	Just looking for some entertainment.
	God.
	No cops in the MTA, free transit, no harassment, period, and full accessibility.
	We hope to come through.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	Full accessibility.
	So is he talking about wheelchair access?
	Like, they really cast a wide net, don't they?
	These guys?
	Yo, I don't like the people having to pay $275.
	We also have to decolonize everywhere in the world.
	And also, more wheelchair ramps.
	Anything else?
	Balloon animals.
	Also, if you're bald, you can get sunburnt.
	So there should be free suntan lotion stations Throughout the summer in public places, or some charcoal head covers or a hat, free hat, free hats that say decolonize to move with us on J31.
	Move with us.
	Fuck the police.
	Yeah, that's a woman.
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	So some it's almost like Caligula or something.
	Some rich white man has black woman perform for him.
	Just say old of this, would you?
	It's like Robert De Niro.
	It's Robert De Niro at an Oscars after party with his black servants dancing.
	It's an evolution of puppetry.
	Puppet puppetry.
	Puppet Puppetry.
	For not having 275, no one should get a ticket.
	For not having 275, no one should have a ticket.
	Do you think this would stop?
	How much should it be?
	Two bucks?
	50?
	No, free.
	Should anything else be free?
	They should give me a dollar when I walk through.
	Yeah.
	What if they accepted EBT?
	Not trying to sound like an asshole.
	Legitimately, if they accepted EBT cards, do you think they'd be able to do that?
	Well, that's the thing.
	This is what you have to understand.
	This goes back to the impeachment trial.
	It's not about the logic or the goal or the philosophy or anything being legitimate.
	It's just about eyeballs.
	So say I do a thing like, why is Ryan a pedophile?
	And it's a debate we have for two weeks.
	People are hearing Ryan pedophile, Ryan pedophile, Ryan pedophile.
	That's it.
	That's just as good as him being a pedophile.
	And during that whole two weeks, I'm getting money for the Save the Babies fund.
	I don't really like that analogy.
	I love it.
	It's great.
	I'm beyond angry.
	So, and the SPLC is like this.
	The ADL is like this.
	They don't really care about Nazis.
	They know Nazis aren't a thing, but it pays the bills.
	It's like climate change.
	You go when you ask for grants.
	If you say things are peachy, you don't get any money.
	So this is all a lie.
	And the dummies out there protesting, they are doing it for fashion because it's the hot thing that week.
	All right, maybe my phone is charged enough for me to find you this much.
	But you should pick up your Trump thing.
	Oh, do we want to go to Wildwood?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Okay, good.
	Okay.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	Wait?
	Yeah.
	By the way, we're kind of sloppy how we do things here.
	That's because we're punks.
	Do you mind if it's emailed?
	Because the Wi-Fi might.
	I don't mind at all.
	Okay.
	Oh, no.
	I'm not seeing it, dude.
	You're not seeing it?
	I'm not seeing it.
	It's not in my favorites.
	How is it not in my favorites?
	I mean, I'm scrolling through a lot of stuff here.
	What am I?
	A tarded?
	That's very disappointing, Gavin.
	Now on a live show.
	Okay, you know what we'll do?
	I'll scroll through my stupid fucking phone when we show this.
	So anyway, in other news, Trump.
	I'm talking about impeachment there.
	Trump.
	He's on trial now for saying to Ukraine, you should investigate the Bidens.
	Now, if the Bidens are innocent, that's not a big deal.
	But that is using your money to make another country thwart your presidential opponent.
	I disagree.
	First of all, I'm fine with quid pro quo.
	So I'll give you this money, but you have to do this.
	Secondly, if you're asking someone to investigate someone and they're guilty of the kind of crimes Biden's committed, yeah.
	If he's going to be president, I want him investigated.
	In fact, that's what everyone does before they get behind a presidential candidate.
	They talk to someone who's really in the know and they say, hey, man, is there something I don't know about like Ted Cruz?
	Did he rape a girl in high school or something?
	Because I don't want to put all my eggs in his basket and then get them smashed.
	So it's perfectly normal to ask to investigate Joe Biden.
	And thirdly, Joe Biden did this.
	He bragged on TV at a conference and said, I told him to drop the investigation.
	I said, you're not getting any money if you don't.
	I said, I'm getting on a plane.
	I'll land in six hours.
	When I land, this whole thing better be OV.
	That's the exact same case.
	Anyway, Alan Dershowitz made this point.
	This is 1-2 now.
	And the general consensus from all these amateur fucking Hollywood people, actors, and retarded comedians who are somehow political experts.
	This is the first, before Trump, you didn't really get comedians talking about the minutiae of the political realm the way you do now and calling major attorneys, major First Amendment attorneys like Alan Dershowitz, who's written tomes, books upon books.
	And you have Mike Brabiglia, who has Down syndrome, telling people, I've been told by many people that Alan Dershowitz is very, very, very, very smart.
	And I've been willing to believe these people, starts a sentence with and, until now.
	This argument is stupid.
	And by the way, be wary of two words when you hear people talking.
	Folks.
	If someone says folks, they're an asshole.
	And two, stupid.
	If someone keeps talking about how everyone is stupid, they're probably stupid.
	Now, if they say someone has Down syndrome, they're probably pretty cool because they're avoiding the term stupid.
	But look at this clip that is so stupid.
	Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending the rolling out of a peace plan by the President of the United States regarding the Israel-Palestine conflict.
	Just passed.
	I would just like to make it perfectly clear That there is zero chance of that happening.
	Bill Clinton went to Camp David, he sat down, he gave Israel the shittiest deal they've ever had, and he showed Yasser Arafat and he said, Here, look, I fucked them.
	And in any other negotiation, Yasser Arafat could run home and go, guys, I nailed it.
	But he walked out of the meeting because the Palestinians can't have a solution.
	That's not their role.
	They're like the gremlins post-water and sun.
	They need conflict to justify their existence.
	So if Yasser Arafat had gone back with that thing and said, I found an agreement, you guys, we're good.
	He would have been assassinated.
	You don't think Saudi Arabia has enough money to house Palestinians?
	You don't think they have miles of air-conditioned tents everyone could live have?
	No.
	They need them there with the rocks.
	They need the photo op of the rocks.
	The guy in the wheelchair throwing the rock.
	But yeah, go ahead and try.
	It's cute.
	Anyway, sorry, that's a tangent.
	Hypothetical the other day.
	What if a Democratic president were to be elected and Congress were to authorize much money to either Israel or the Palestinians, and the Democratic president were to say to Israel, no, I'm going to withhold this money unless you stop all settlement growth or to the Palestinians.
	I will withhold the money Congress authorized to you unless you stop paying terrorists.
	And the president said, quid pro quo.
	If you don't do it, you don't get the money.
	If you do it, you get the money.
	There's no one in this chamber that would regard that as in any way unlawful.
	The only thing that would make a quid pro quo unlawful is if the quo were in some way illegal.
	Now we talked about motive.
	There are three possible motives that a political figure can have.
	One, a motive in the public interest, and the Israel argument would be in the public interest.
	The second is in his own political interest.
	And the third, which hasn't been mentioned, would be in his own financial interest, his own pure financial interest, just putting money in the bank.
	I want to focus on the second one for just one moment.
	going too long.
	Every public official...
	What a stupid idiot.
	Like, that is a sound, solid argument.
	But when you hate Trump, everything else is noise.
	Anyway, that was my segue to get into our new segment, Ryan on the Street, wherein he goes to various events.
	So Ryan went to Wildwood, New Jersey to check out the Trump rally there.
	I did.
	What'd you think before we look at it?
	Oh, I had a lot of fun.
	I love that.
	I can't see you.
	I love that dang town.
	Oh, I got to put my seat up.
	I was down there.
	Why do you love Wildwood, New Jersey?
	We go there every summer.
	Is it a Puerto Rican ball?
	No, I think it's.
	No.
	I don't think so.
	I don't see too many Puerto Ricans out there.
	It's kind of like a mixed group.
	I don't know.
	It's just like the floor.
	You gotta adjust your bangs every single time we have a conversation on this.
	Until my hair is as long as it was when you were asking me to cut it, I'm not happy.
	No, you were doing it when your bangs were long, too.
	Yeah, but I was happy when I did it.
	Now I'm sad.
	Okay, we're not talking about your happiness level.
	We're talking about how annoying it is to see a guy like every time he talks.
	I'm so sad about it.
	But anyway, it was fun.
	It was a lot of fun.
	Me and my buddy Hodge went down there to talk to the folks.
	Oh, you're a dick.
	Barely any.
	You're a dick.
	You said folks.
	All right, let's start it.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Ryan Katzu Rivera here.
	We're at the Trump Rally in Wildwood, New Jersey.
	It's very exciting.
	A lot of energy here.
	A lot of Trump supporters.
	I don't see any protesters at all, but I do see a really long line.
	The convention center holds 7,000 people and there's 100,000 tickets that were requested.
	People are already lining up.
	Let's talk to him and see what they say.
	Hey, we're here with Jim.
	He's riding around on a cooler.
	I've never seen anything like this before.
	Are you selling beverages?
	I am not.
	Now, that's a good way to get locked up.
	No.
	No beverages.
	Oh, gotcha.
	So that's all for you?
	No, there's nothing in here.
	We're just taking it all in.
	Are you interested in attending the rally or just kind of seeing the festivities?
	He's going to land across the street from the house, so we're just down to see him land.
	That's pretty awesome.
	Yeah.
	You live locally here in the summer.
	Do you get pro-Trump vibes, anti-Trump vibes?
	What is it?
	Anybody talks politics down here at all?
	I mean, it's kind of like when you're in a bar.
	The rules are you're on vacation, you don't talk about politics.
	So I would say it's, you know, it's a Philly crowd, so you would think it would be more Democrat, but believe it or not, there's a decent break of Republican and Democrat.
	Right, but generally, Trump supporters are fun.
	They ride on coolers.
	This is true.
	Okay, very cool.
	Thanks, Jim.
	Good meeting you.
	You too.
	What is your most favorite thing about you, sir?
	That I'm an American.
	Promises made?
	Promises kept, sir.
	Keep America great.
	You're a good, fine young man.
	Thank you, sir.
	Sir, how you doing?
	Oh.
	I just want to ask you.
	So that guy was just riding a cooler around for fun.
	Yes.
	And he had sliders on.
	I don't understand.
	So he made a cooler mobile.
	Yes.
	And then after a while, he started thinking, I don't need to carry beer.
	This is just a really cool way to get around.
	Maybe he was lying.
	What's his mother?
	He might have had detective shitty.
	He might have had some liquor in there.
	Liquor?
	I want to drive around with some liquor.
	Instead of a flask in my pocket, I'm going to put it in a giant cooler.
	He might be doing a little delivery.
	A delivery of what?
	Like 10 bottles of booze?
	A delivery.
	Wow, your theories suck so much shit.
	Am I to resume?
	Yes.
	Think about Trump.
	Everything.
	Look at our comedy.
	It's true.
	Are you a fan of the American flag?
	Are you a fan of this?
	Yeah, we're getting to that.
	How are you doing, sir?
	Do you.
	He's a nice guy.
	He's nice to him.
	Yeah, I'm sure everybody.
	I don't hate anybody.
	So my name's Ryan.
	Ryan, Joe, nice to meet you.
	What do you think is the worst thing about Trump?
	Unmuted?
	Go ahead.
	Yeah, just keep it unmuted.
	Okay.
	So go back.
	What is this?
	Remember who you're supporting.
	By the way, can you go to a Black Lives Matter rally and say, remember what you're saying, that cops are racist, cops, black cops are killed, blah, blah, blah.
	Like if you had a sign like that at any other rally, you'd be dead.
	You went to an Antifa rally?
	Remember, Trump has helped anarchy more than any of you.
	Surrounded.
	He's draining the swamp.
	That's what anarchists do.
	You'd be fucking stabbed.
	So the fact that this guy can sit there and tell us all the fuck off shows how wonderful we are and how kind.
	But anyway, let's look at his stupid fucking sign for a second.
	Think is the worst thing.
	No, just keep it as a frozen thing.
	Thinks the wheel was invented in America.
	You know what that's from?
	Make me a little square.
	There we go.
	He was talking about Steve Jobs and Apple and stuff, and he said, we have to cherish our inventors.
	You know, these people are very important.
	People invent things.
	Thomas Edison, the light bulb, the wheel.
	These things matter.
	We got to cherish this.
	Now, that became, according to the fucking disgruntled virgins at the Daily Beast, that became, he thinks the wheel was invented.
	No, he's speaking generally about inventors.
	Yes, the wheel was invented a gazillion years ago in fucking Mesopotamia in Iraq or something, in the Middle East, in the Fertile Crescent.
	We all know it goes way back.
	How would anyone think the wheel was invented in America?
	America's 200 years old.
	Jesus H. Christ.
	So that's just a ridiculous misunderstanding.
	And again, they go through his dialogue with a fine-tooth comb and they go, up, that, if I take that joke out of context, that could be retarded.
	Or if I say he was talking about Thomas Edison and then he said the wheel, so he thinks Thomas Edison and the wheel were around the same kind of time zone.
	And this is one of his three points.
	This is a third of his message.
	Well, it's a whiteboard so he can scrub.
	Two hundreds of thousands.
	Is it really?
	It's a whiteboard.
	It's like Bristol board to me.
	No, it's a cardboard, but it's functional as a whiteboard.
	How do you know?
	He told me.
	I think he says it in this.
	Okay.
	Okay, so that's three.
	Number two, called neo-Nazis very fine people.
	No, he fucking didn't.
	He was talking about Charlottesville, where there was two things going on.
	One was a protest about Confederate statues being taken down, and then one was the Antifa versus the Nazis.
	He was talking about the first one when he said there's very fine people on both sides, meaning there's very fine people who want the statues taken down and very fine people who don't want the statues taken down.
	And by the way, saying that it's not us versus them basically prevented a fucking civil war.
	So that was a really good move on his part to sort of dilute the equation a little bit.
	And now number one said, grab woman by the pussy.
	Well, anyone watching me knows, you know, that's the problem with this show really is when I explain things like my video, 10 Things I Hate About the Goddamn Motherfucking Jews, everyone who knows me knows that it was satirical and an homage to Israel.
	So I can't convince them.
	And then the ones who don't want to be convinced, they don't care.
	They just want to use it as a tool.
	This goes back to the Ryan pedophile analogy, which I don't like.
	They don't care about the truth.
	They just want this.
	They want to keep saying it because they want to win.
	That's why they call you racist.
	They don't think you're racist.
	They just notice that that seems to stick.
	So yeah, when you're rich and powerful, beautiful women are attracted to you.
	They let you kiss them.
	Sometimes they let you grab them by the putsy.
	It's crazy.
	Pussy.
	I did hear that a little bit, but...
	It's like that.
	I want to grab your putsy.
	What was the Trump thing that he recovered from?
	Criminal, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	Look.
	Look.
	Yeah.
	All you got to do is just that.
	You're going to fuck up your words if you're saying a lot of words.
	Yes.
	But yeah, he didn't say go up to a chick and grab her other pussy, which goes back to this decolonize this shit where I said, really?
	Like, and I keep repeating this.
	Play it out.
	They say this in AA.
	I just want to have one beer.
	Play it out.
	You're going to have two beers.
	Then you're going to have three.
	Then you're going to hit some Coke.
	Then you're going to do shots.
	Then you're going to do heroin.
	Then you're going to OD.
	So play it out.
	You really think a human male said, you know what you can do?
	You can go up to checks and grab that cunch.
	Of my shiman, I hugged a rabbit to death.
	No, he said the truth, which is when you're fucking famous, women will let you grab them by the pussy and they like it.
	Not all women, but women who are attracted to you and your fame and your fucking money.
	Maybe you're not rich and famous and haven't tried it out.
	Talk to Johnny Knoxville about women and having their pussy scrapped.
	Go ahead.
	As I was telling my friend here, who's a Trump supporter, it's the...
	He's holding a sign of minor transgressions.
	I could forgive my entire whiteboard, but I won't.
	I don't care about minor transgressions, which is why I'm holding them on my tits.
	And the issues that the world is facing.
	Why do some people not pronounce G's like Bill Schultz?
	Facing.
	I was sleepy to add.
	What is sleeping?
	It's a certain type of person.
	Facing.
	Yeah, I know what you mean.
	It's like facing.
	Facing, facing.
	I don't know.
	His grasp of the world and world culture and our support to other nations, like this whole Ukraine scandal.
	He has no understanding.
	And it's the imbecilic comments, right?
	He has no understanding.
	And it's the imbecilic comments.
	That's an imbecilic comment.
	Well, to be fair, he didn't finish his sentence.
	Why are you wearing a Shaquille O'Neal's jacket?
	It's a large jacket.
	You look like a little baby going for a job interview.
	Look.
	First day of school.
	You look like a foreign exchange dude.
	I bought that at a Ross's discount clothing.
	Why?
	It was $20 and it was warm.
	And I wanted to wear something between shoots, but then it became so like, hey, it's just keep it on.
	It was cold.
	I wanted to wear it between shoots, but then it became so, hey, just keep it on.
	You talk like him.
	That's why we leveled off so well.
	By the way, what do you think of that guy sitting there with the black hoodie on the phone?
	He's dope.
	Possible Antifa.
	Sure, what the fuck are they going to do?
	He was just there on the phone, like, relaying stuff.
	I don't know.
	We got sketched out.
	I got sketched out.
	And Hodg was like, what are you talking about?
	Sketch it up.
	It's the imbecilic comments, right?
	It's like, what an embarrassment.
	Do you feel contempt towards Trump supporters or just Trump?
	Just a Trump.
	So here, I'm here.
	To politely remind folks, I have a...
	Oh.
	Thank you.
	Oh, folks.
	Folks.
	Told you.
	Douche word.
	Anyone who says folks is a good douche.
	It's like saying, I'm one of the people.
	It makes you sound like you have overalls on.
	I'm just here with my folks.
	That's as practical as saying my kin.
	We're just like non-racist folks, just trying to help people of color folks make their way through life.
	You know, Obama like made that.
	Everybody started using folks.
	Oh, there's a lot of folks out there.
	Right?
	Folks.
	But right, because I can write other things.
	People are used folks.
	Really?
	Yeah, Volkswagen is a Volkswagen.
	Oh.
	That was a Nazi car.
	Oh.
	what Trump has said and done in his time as president.
	Have you gotten any...
	I think folks have been very friendly.
	Yes, certainly some laugh and boo.
	Sure, but that's to be expected.
	I mean, it's all good fun, generally.
	Yeah, and that's one guy made the comment, too.
	It's like, makes the country one nice thing about the country, right?
	We can do this and be polite about it, you know, and be friendly.
	So, yeah, just makes the country, you know, one of the nice things about the country.
	And his beef with Trump is that he's not articulate enough.
	Maybe if you had the language at your disposal, you could talk about how illiterate people are.
	A polite reminder to folks about some of these things this gentleman has done.
	And maybe some of the folks with a reasonable mind might know, all right, maybe I need a question why I support him.
	Well, it was nice talking to you.
	It's good to get another perspective.
	And your hat has bat wings on it.
	I think it's a black pussy hat, isn't it?
	Don't touch my black pussy.
	How's that for corrupting someone else's culture?
	You're not going to touch my pussy.
	I'm a black woman.
	I have Leslie Jones' pussy.
	Try it, motherfucker.
	Just try it.
	I have none grabbing.
	I'm a black woman.
	No one's touching my black pussy.
	Wait, can you pause?
	you We've got a lot of footage here.
	I knew this show would go by fast.
	I've sent you the oink oink thing.
	But before we show it, I would love you to go to betdsi.com slash gavin.
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	And Jennifer Lopez, you notice they're trying to get Hispanic women or something.
	They're trying to pull in other demographics to football.
	There's no more country music and rock.
	We already got them.
	So it's like, Shakira, Shakira.
	Oh, my hips don't lie.
	Oh, baby, when you talk about that.
	You make my titties go flat.
	That was silly.
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	All right, do you have the picture?
	I do.
	This is it, folks.
	Now, fuck, First of all, all that other stuff is funny, right?
	Make the MTA free.
	Who's making it free?
	Go to the top there.
	End racist police brutality.
	No cops on the MTA.
	You know, the south side of Chicago was successful in making sure no cops go there because cops are racist and they hurt people.
	And the south side of Chicago is up to a murder a day, which is New York.
	Even though Chicago's much smaller.
	What is it?
	I think it's about a third the size?
	No, maybe half the size.
	Baltimore is a third the size.
	And they have a murder a day in their cop-free zones.
	But anyway, that's not why we're here, folks.
	Why we're here is my favorite picture of 2019.
	Not that one.
	Nope.
	This.
	This is my favorite thing.
	I actually don't like...
	Crop that out as much as possible.
	Oink, oink.
	So she did that with White Out.
	Right?
	She got a piece of cardboard with some scissors.
	It's adorable.
	It's so small.
	It's four inches by four inches.
	Oink, oink, you monster, she holds.
	Hey, big statement, little piece of paper.
	Bawling her fucking eyes out.
	And the idea that a cop is going to see that and be like, that stings.
	Not going to lie.
	That fucking stings.
	You're basically calling me a pig because I got assigned to turnstile jumpers against my will.
	I don't give a fuck about turnstile jumpers.
	I'm here to catch bank robbers and racists, but whatever.
	I got to do my job.
	Oink, oink, you monster.
	I want to make, should we make it a shirt that just says oink, oink, you monster?
	No, because then some cops might go, that's a weird fucking anti-cop shirt.
	Well, what if you put it on the pocket?
	No, the only way you can make this shirt, sorry to interrupt you, is to have that chick and cartoon tears coming out of her eyes like crazy.
	Uh-huh.
	You know, and then girl.
	That's the joke.
	That's the job.
	Yeah, that could be a good pocket image.
	Oink, oink, you monster.
	World's most ineffective gesture.
	World's most fruitless gesture in the history of fucking protests.
	All right, let's get back to fun people protesting.
	Oh, this would be the Jersey video.
	Yes, it would.
	Wildwood.
	Yes.
	In which I go to the rally of Trump.
	Now, do these people live there?
	Are those their party vacation homes?
	Some of them.
	You know what?
	Most of them have homes, but they just visit there during the summer because during the winter, it's like dead.
	Just let me rewind.
	I said, do people live there or is it their vacation homes?
	And then he says, no, most people have other homes and then they're just there when it's fun because in the winter, it's like dead.
	So the answer is vacation home.
	That's a vacation home.
	Okay.
	That's much shorter than just repeating my question in the affirmative.
	It's the majority because there's tons of hotels too, frankly.
	There's a lot of hotels too.
	It might be 50-50.
	Who knows?
	No, that doesn't mean the homes aren't vacation homes.
	Oh, the homes?
	Yeah, the majority.
	I would say.
	Alrighty.
	USA!
	USA!
	It seems like we have the most fun.
	You know, there's a cookout, there's food going on, there's music.
	That's why I'm back here.
	I just have to squirt.
	We met a protester there, like an anti-Trump guy, and I asked him, I was like, do you feel threatened?
	And he's like, not at all.
	He's had some good conversations with folks.
	Oops.
	What are you cutting to me?
	folks.
	Oh, that's Yes.
	But I'm still right.
	I said people who say folks are douches.
	She's aging well, isn't she?
	She's probably 48.
	Wow.
	Yeah, maybe.
	She looks fantastic.
	Do you feel like we're generally less hateful and nicer people than people that hate Trump?
	I think everybody has been very nice.
	You go to these big things that there's hate and everything else.
	There has been none of that.
	Very comfortable.
	Everybody has become friends.
	It was wonderful.
	Everybody's having a great time.
	Promises made?
	Yes.
	Promises kept.
	Yes.
	You say promises kept?
	I don't know.
	Am I supposed to say that?
	I say promises made and you say promises kept.
	That's one of the things I say.
	Promises made?
	Promises kept.
	Donald Trump is the man because he's the only president that's going to be able to broker a deal with the peace between Palestine and the Israelis.
	He's doing it today.
	Just pause.
	Let's just give up on that, shall we?
	The solution to Israel and Palestine is a wall, and it's going smashingly.
	It's time to agree to disagree.
	It's going to be historic.
	It's going to be a historical thing.
	It's going to be the greatest thing they ever pulled off, you know?
	Yeah.
	And, you know, he's the man.
	I feel very safe with President Trump.
	I feel very safe.
	I feel like our country will be very safe.
	I think the economy is just fantastic.
	He's helped more people get out of poverty and move ahead and give them opportunities than ever before.
	Just pause.
	You see, this is what Americans really care about.
	Everyone talks about trans and these fucking HuffPo bloggers are lost in their white supremacy witch hunts.
	Americans know that that's not a thing.
	Americans know that jobs are all that matters.
	And so when you provide jobs, you win.
	I hope they have room on Mount Rushmore for him.
	The reason why he's so popular, I think he relates to Middle America, to the average Joe's.
	He comes down to our level.
	He knows what we want.
	He knows what we're all about.
	And I feel that he truly believes and loves America and loves us.
	Loves us.
	And I truly believe that.
	So that's why I think he's so popular and people love him.
	Are you from Philly?
	Yeah, I am.
	What's in the glass?
	Is it water?
	Is there any water in there?
	It's chunk wine.
	We're going to go have a hoagie.
	We'll be right back.
	Promises made.
	Huh?
	Promises made.
	Promises kept.
	So, Chez, you're here.
	You're seeing us.
	That guy looks awesome, by the way.
	Yeah, he kind of does.
	But why would you assume people would get your promises made, promises kept thing?
	Oh, if you watch any of his things, he says that a lot.
	Really?
	Yeah, it's like on t-shirts and all that.
	And by the way, Trump wine.
	Oh, let's have some Trump wine.
	Trump wine.
	Wait, can you see it?
	Wait, can you see it?
	Trump, winch.
	That's a bottle of Trump.
	Trump Chardonnay.
	Wow.
	Why would I want anything on the menu less good?
	Why would I want something less good?
	Oh, you want to showcase a new imitation.
	So we had a lot going on this week, folks.
	You don't pay for this, so you don't know that we had Larry Barnes, Walter Waite champion, Olympic hopeful, state champion many times over, come in and go through his most consequential fight with Felix Trinidad.
	And he broke down where he zigged where he should have zagged.
	And he actually went through the temple punch that disoriented him.
	We've also had Maddie Odell.
	He was Hell's Angel president who spent 10 years in prison and actually ended up, totally coincidentally, in Jeffrey Epstein's cell.
	This is, of course, like years and years before Jeffrey Epstein was there.
	So he tells us about the cell and everything.
	That was fun.
	We did an instructional video on what to do when naked crackheads jump on your car.
	It's been a lot of fun stuff.
	But the beauty of Ryan's incredible mimicry, which, by the way, is the only reason he has a job, obviously.
	So I would do the imitations as much as possible because it's why you're here.
	What is the tation?
	What is the tation?
	In this industry, it's imitation nerves for talking.
	Oh, what's the tation?
	All tations, you should keep doing tations.
	You're like a super hot chick with huge tits that's a fucking idiot.
	I guess, in other words, you're a fucking idiot.
	But your huge tits are your imitations.
	So you should be cramming Bill Burr into every sentence, dude.
	Pays your bills.
	There we go.
	Trump won.
	Do you want the...
	A glass?
	No, I'll get the other glass.
	I'll take it.
	I don't approve of men.
	Oh, this is plastic?
	Yeah.
	I don't approve of men drinking wine if it's not dinner.
	Something about holding a stem is very emasculating.
	Plastic stem is worse.
	If you must drink wine because you're out of booze, have it in a glass like they do in France.
	Of course, Ryan, having his first job, the only other glass he has is Waterford Crystal.
	Which is weird.
	Why do you have the most expensive fucking glasses in the world?
	Well, it's because I wanted to take my whiskey drinking seriously back when I was drinking more.
	And I have a decanter still.
	And I thought it would be a nice touch because you're always drinking whiskey, but you never use it.
	Alright.
	Go ahead.
	But the drinking?
	Yeah, go ahead and have a sip.
	Like, I give a fuck if you were drinking cyanide.
	Wait, what was the new impression that I was doing?
	Oh, sorry.
	I totally forgot.
	Maddie Odell.
	I don't think I have a Maddie Odell impression.
	Yes, you do.
	I don't want to go there.
	Why?
	He's going to kill you?
	He watches every show.
	He's a funny guy.
	Yes, he is.
	What's he going to do, you fucking pussy?
	Why don't you grow at least one ball?
	As my father would say, would you like me to show them back on?
	What is it?
	Yeah, I've seen Jeffrey Epson Stell, and, you know, he was there.
	He was a pretty good guy, but, you know.
	Was that it?
	That was terrible.
	I don't remember.
	Were we watching this?
	His voice is higher than that.
	As you were editing it, I did this whole setup about how you get good at imitations or tations, if you will.
	Right.
	Because you sit with these things for hours editing them.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	Yeah, but it's atomy.
	Clearly.
	I got to watch Maddie Odell again.
	Which I would, because it's a good episode.
	Censored.tv.
	Wow, that flopped.
	I didn't know what you were even setting me up for.
	I was like, uh-oh.
	So we got this.
	How would he beat you up for imitating his voice?
	I don't know how things work over there.
	And I was just like, hi, I'm Maddie Odell.
	I just spit wine everywhere.
	All right.
	Look at this guy.
	It's funny how this guy doesn't give a shit.
	Fuck the world.
	And I spent about an hour and a half on my hair.
	Trump supporters here.
	How do you feel about this whole deal?
	Actually, thank you for stopping.
	You're about to be here.
	I've been arrested.
	Speechless, no words?
	Just the rally?
	Yeah.
	What are your feelings about President Trump?
	Well, I mean, we are one of those blue seats, but look at the guy in the background.
	He has a swastika on his jacket that's crossed out because he doesn't like Nazis.
	Way to think outside the box.
	Looks like it would be a sound.
	How is that for Brave?
	Are you also anti-rape?
	You know what?
	If there was a bunch of fucking Nazis trying to take over Europe, I would want America to go in there and kill them all.
	That's how much I hate Nazis.
	I'd even work with Stallions.
	Blue states, but Kmay County is a red county in a blue state, so it makes sense that he would do it here.
	So you're a Trump supporter?
	No.
	Okay, you don't like the guy?
	No.
	What do you think about his supporters, though?
	Overall, it's been pretty quiet and pretty peaceful, right?
	Yeah, for the most part.
	Do you have any contempt against the Because he said nerds are fucking nerds, and losers are losers, and fat pigs are fat pigs.
	And we had hidden that.
	Indie rock, shoegazing music had taken away the jocks and the in-crowd.
	And now the nerds were cool.
	Started with Square Pegs, starring Sex in the Cities, Sarah Jessica Parker.
	And all of a sudden, the quarterback and the cheerleader were not the in-crowd.
	It was the freaks.
	And then we let the freaks run the show, and they started ruining everything.
	And then Trump came along and went, it's never really been the freaks.
	We've just been saying that.
	It's actually us, the jocks, the guys with the fucking blonde mullets and the wraparound sunglasses and the jet skis.
	And you're a fat pig who stuck a bunch of shit in his face and spent an hour and a half on his fucking hair.
	Fuck that.
	I'm a badass.
	No.
	You're a fat ass.
	Trump supporters or anything?
	No, they're people.
	We're all people.
	I have three supporters in my family.
	What is it do you think that you most dislike about Trump?
	Oh, man.
	The thing that I dislike about him the most?
	I think he's making our country look bad.
	We should be talking about that, Ryan.
	It sounded kind of threatening.
	It was a little antagonistic, but whatever.
	You know, I don't like that Trump's making us look bad in front of wonderful places like San Francisco.
	I'm sorry, like Northern Europe.
	Who's done such Belgium, Denmark, Scandinavia, Sweden, Norway?
	You've done such a great job with refugees and improving your country.
	I'd hate to be embarrassed around you.
	Canada, I'd hate to be embarrassed in front of Justin Trudeau and everything he's done for that country.
	The fucking billions of dollars he's pouring into media to make sure they give him a good story.
	fucking, uh, Ezra Levant wrote a book about Justin Trudeau, how much he sucks.
	And, um, the police came, Do you have this?
	Can we go off on a tangent here?
	Is that, oh.
	Wait, hold on one second.
	Where is it now?
	Yeah, it's one of the most fucked up things I've ever seen.
	He wrote a book called The Labranos, like a play on the Sopranos.
	And next thing you know, Canada's CIA has called him in to discuss it.
	Where did I put this?
	Did I put it in racism?
	Levant.
	Maybe Women that appears.
	Levant?
	No.
	Wait, where is it?
	I see Ezra's son.
	Yeah, it should be above that.
	Gotcha.
	How about that band Better Than Ezra?
	What's that about?
	They suck.
	The King of Getting Fire, Getting in Trouble?
	Yeah.
	Today we're here about Revel News.
	Oh, I know that.
	Go to the very beginning.
	Today we're here about Revel News.
	Cut me out.
	Oh, I know that.
	And I'm just asking you to confirm that not a single other loving book of Trudeau is being investigated.
	But once we're done, if you believe that there should be complaints that are...
	I'm not a bully and a censor.
	I'm not a bureaucrat looking to justify my budget like you.
	I go out and earn my living every day, fella.
	You call in authors to grill them about a book criticizing your boss.
	Think about who you are.
	We called the director of Rebel News Network Limited.
	Yeah, who happens to be the author of the book?
	I think they're just going to.
	It looked like he was hit by this.
	They told him he can't record in there, by the way, because it's a government building.
	But he recorded anyway.
	Because he's the king of get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	And you're an inspiration to me.
	Never stop fighting.
	I mean, but you are a bureaucrat.
	I go out there and I earn my living.
	Okay.
	Okay, fella.
	Didn't it seem like he actually hurt his feelings right there?
	Like the guy was like, fuck.
	We've had some arguments in the past where he'll end an email chain with, go fuck yourself, shithead.
	Really?
	Yeah, like I signed a contract with him that I would only do Miles for Rebel.
	And then I did it on Crowder's show.
	And he just goes, I thought we had a contract.
	And I go, no, no, that's for Rebel.
	I'm going to put it on Rebel.
	And he goes, go fuck yourself, shithead.
	And part of me is, the Scottish part of me is like, I'm never speaking to you again.
	But with Ezra, you'd like, I don't know, you work it out.
	You kind of want him to be rude to you.
	I can't explain it.
	It's like a pit bull.
	Like you let it, it bites you and you go, fuck.
	I think he got it back because when he went to you did the interview with him, as he was coming and he had his briefcase on him and everything, you're like, well, Ezra, I see you're still a nerd.
	It was the most cutting, mean thing.
	to be a chapter about you two fellas in the next edition.
	So Given these are cops who got desk jobs and they're regretting it right now.
	They're like, I don't know what to say to this guy.
	Certainly do.
	We want more?
	No, you get the idea.
	It's really awesome.
	25-minute video.
	What's it called?
	25-minute video.
	It's called Hidden Camera.
	Police interrogated me about my Justin Trudeau book.
	They didn't know it.
	I wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of Justin Trudeau, who sends the police to investigate authors who write bad things about him.
	I have something to debut.
	We're going way over time here.
	Ezra's seven-year-old son taught me a magic trick.
	Is it time-coded?
	No, here's what I want you to do.
	You have your phone?
	Okay.
	I'm going to look away and you choose a number between 1 and 100 and you cube it.
	Are you smart enough to know what that means?
	Yes, you times it by itself.
	And then again.
	Oh, times it by itself.
	Yeah, squared is by itself.
	That's why there's a 2 for squared.
	So 2 cubed is 2 times 2 is 4 times 2 is 8.
	Right, right, right.
	Okay?
	Yeah.
	So go to this camera with your phone.
	Okay, go to the camera with the phone.
	This camera with your phone.
	Put in a number.
	Don't let me see the number.
	So it has between 1 and 100.
	How do I cube on here?
	Okay, so whatever number you chose, say it's 31, you go 31 times 31, and then whatever that number is times 31.
	This is great for parties.
	If you're with losers and nerds.
	What?
	It turns it by itself.
	Okay.
	Square root, I mean, cubed...
	Cube root.
	64.
	You just gave me the number.
	Oh, wait, is that the number?
	64?
	No, no, no.
	Choose a number between 1 and 100.
	Any number.
	99, 1, 36, any number.
	Multiply it by itself, and then by that number again.
	So say it's 31.
	31 times 31.
	Times 31.
	Which will give you like 93 times 31.
	So there's, are you showing them the original number?
	Yes.
	It'll auto-focus.
	This is a huge number, and I don't know.
	This is a huge number, and I don't know how you're going to get it.
	Exactly.
	Okay.
	That's the fun.
	It's 300,763.
	Wait, did you show them the original number?
	No.
	Okay, do it again and show them the original number.
	Jesus Christ, why is this so fucking complicated?
	So show them the number, say it's 31, you let the camera focus on the 31.
	And then you go 31 times 31 times 31.
	So this is a new one here.
	200,074, 625.
	Wait, can I show the number?
	Okay, so 274625?
	Yes.
	274625.
	Wow, that's a tough one.
	Okay.
	You ready for this?
	Yes.
	Five.
	And then kill those.
	27465.
	Wow.
	That's correct.
	That's very strange.
	Look at the smile.
	That really is fun, huh?
	Yeah, here's the key, folks.
	Show them that video.
	Okay.
	Only...
	The last number of the thing is always the same as the original one, except for 8, 7, 2, and 3.
	Here, I'll let them show the video.
	Oh, yeah, they couldn't hear me from the mics.
	It's a fun party trick.
	We're an hour or seven minutes.
	I know.
	And you look so smart when you see a crazy number, like 274,625, and you just sit there at the bar.
	It should be at a bar.
	And you're like, 65.
	This video I'm going to teach you how you can calculate cube roots in your head.
	Why would you ever want to do this?
	The education secretary, Nikki Morgan, was recently on TV and put on...
	Skip ahead.
	Remember the last digit.
	And you don't have to remember the cubes.
	You don't have to do the cubes.
	You don't have to memorize them.
	You just go in your head, like say it was 342.
	You go 6 times 6 is 36.
	Times 6 is going to be like about 180, 100 and maybe 200.
	And then you know that's going to be less than 343.
	39,304.
	The first thing I want you to do is look at the last digit.
	The last digit of 39,304 is 4, which we're going to put in a box.
	So we look up 4 in the last digit, and that corresponds to the number 4.
	So we write down the number 4.
	The next step is we ignore the last three digits of our number.
	So in 39,304, we're going to just ignore the 304.
	And now we want to find the closest cube without going over.
	So 39 is between 27 and 64.
	So it's 3.
	So it's actually closest to 27 without going over, which means it's closest to the cube of 3.
	And that gives us the other part of our answer, which is 3.
	Anyway, so here we have it.
	That's just evidence that Ezra is a wonderful dad because this fucking kid is that smart.
	I don't know if it's good for a kid to be that smart.
	Like, if a kid looks at 274,625 and goes 65, some crazy Haitian voodoo woman is going to go, it's good for a guy wearing a suit in a bar.
	All right, sorry, let's get back to your video.
	Okie.
	Our video.
	This is going to be on the event.
	Ryan on the streets, YouTube.
	Yeah, I had to lie to them and tell him Ryan on the streets on YouTube.
	Is that a lie?
	This is our segment, Ryan on the Streets.
	Yes, that is true.
	Yes, of course.
	What do you like most about Trump?
	You know what, I appreciate, I appreciate, You know what I'm saying?
	I like the anti-political correctness sort of stance he's been taking because I just can't stand that nowadays.
	That's basically it, though.
	Do you have a lot of friends?
	Ladies, marry this man.
	We found you a man, single ladies.
	Like, no bullshit, bare bones.
	I'm not going to lie to you and pretend I understand foreign policy, but I think that politics is downstream from the culture and he's done with political correctness.
	And I feel like that's going to benefit us more than most things.
	That guy can fix a car.
	That don't like Trump.
	I have a lot of friends within the mixed area.
	A lot of my friends originally began big Trump guys.
	Back in 2016, we were big, big, big Trump guys.
	You know what I'm saying?
	So like little on later on in life, a few years going by, even myself, I'm not the biggest Trump guy.
	Granted, I'm wearing a shirt, but I'm not the biggest Trump guy in the world.
	I'm really, really not, especially when it comes to the bump stock ban and whatnot like that.
	But even knowing that, though, I still have to say with the other competitors that are going on right now, the other candidates, I still have to stand with Trump, man.
	I still have to.
	What could you expect more out of Trump that he's not doing?
	You know, I'll tell you this right now.
	I just want to try and protect American rights.
	That's what I want to say at least.
	At the very least, protect American rights.
	That's it.
	Constitution.
	Yeah, really.
	Yeah.
	Uphold the Constitution.
	That's the basic thing I could possibly say as of right now.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Foreign relations, it's very difficult.
	It's a very muddled-down situation.
	It's very, very difficult.
	But just right now, let's stay the bare bones.
	Just protect American rights, man.
	That's all I got to say as of right now.
	I appreciate the Omega.
	Do you think he's Scottish?
	No.
	I think his ethnicity is probably English Protestant.
	But he's probably been here.
	I smell like four generations.
	Because that accent, it sounds Chicago-y, but it also sounds kind of like a Scottish.
	Do you call a Scottish accent a brogue?
	Oh, shut up, Detective Shitty.
	Move forward.
	Thank you very much.
	Enjoy your day.
	problem.
	We came across.
	Huh?
	Nice B-roll.
	Thanks.
	You're in BTK?
	Do you want to keep this behind the paywall?
	I want people at YouTube to be angry at me for saying, let's not give them everything, but I think we shouldn't give them everything.
	Oh, that's a fun idea.
	Yeah, we usually go to college.
	All right, let's end the show.
	But before we do, let's talk about Johnny Apple CBD, and we're going to show you a lot more footage from this Trump rally.
	I use Johnny Apple CBD every day.
	I mentioned earlier, it helps me with my recoveries.
	We have the tincture here.
	We do the gummies.
	You will not get high, but you will feel as great as I do every day, and you will have the best sleep of your life.
	Go to jacbd.com and use promo code Gavin.
	Show the sponsors some love, but more importantly, show yourself some love and feel great.
	I love these products.
	Visit jacbd.com.
	Use promo code Gavin and treat yourself.
	We're about to take some calls.
	We're going to finish watching Ryan's footage.
	And we're also going to encourage you to, as we saw with Ezra Levant, taping the police, get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Music.
	Wine lowers my IQ.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	It makes me so stupid.
	Makes me sleepy.
	Why are you lying?
	That'd be funny if you had intervention with Dr. Now, but it was booze.
	He's like, I need you to come down to maybe three budweisers a day and only do Maker's mark, maybe one shot, every three days.
	And then I would come in and see him and go, hey, Dr. Now, how are we doing?
	You have obviously been having Makers Mark and you are lying to me.
	You are not following the regimen and I can't give you the surgery on your liver until you be honest with me.
	I am being honest.
	I had like a Miller light.
	And you're a good dude.
	Oh my God.
	You know what?
	You're totes Hilarskis.
	I hate it when my wife is fucking drunk.
	I think it's because we're both a team and we're both on a ship called Our House and Our Kids.
	And when she's shithammered, it's like one of the captains is out.
	And now I'm just like, all right, I hope there's no problems.
	I can't get drunk.
	Or there's no captains.
	You now have one plus kids.
	Yeah.
	But of course, I get shit faced.
	So, you know, I'm being a hypocrite.
	Right.
	All right, let's get back to your cool video.
	Okay.
	Which was a success, by the way.
	Thanks.
	We like to shit on Ryan, but when he does it right, he does it right.
	Just high quality.
	Trying to provide some content.
	This has now become a regular thing, by the way.
	Oh, yeah?
	Ryan on the street is a thing.
	R on the S. Here it comes.
	We came across this just getting some lunch, and we see like this awesome Trump train.
	Trump train bus train.
	But this is brand new.
	You just put this on the road?
	Yeah, we're actually a charity that finds kidnapped kids.
	We find kids free of charge, America Association for Lost Children.
	And they found my kids.
	That's how I got involved.
	So as a fundraiser for the charity and to help the president promote him and his great cause, we thought we would build this Trump train and go around the country and sell hats and shirts as a fundraiser for the charity to find more kidnapped kids.
	Well, so we can take a look inside?
	This is very cool.
	He didn't tell them, though.
	So you're just walking in and they're like, who the fuck is this?
	But they've been letting people in the whole time because they sell merch.
	Are you having trouble breaking down the alcohol?
	Do you feel a big buzz in your bones?
	A little bit.
	May you?
	May I?
	I don't know if you should.
	Is there more?
	There's plenty more, but I'm not sure you have the enzymes to handle it.
	The Enz rhymes.
	The Enz Ryans.
	That's my last class.
	By the way, folks at home, we can play this music on YouTube.
	Not that we're on YouTube anymore.
	But because it's Ryan's music.
	That's right.
	He made these beats.
	These are my beats.
	These are my boots.
	I'm here with Gladys.
	She is one of the models for the MAGA dress that was seen on the Grammys and the Emmys.
	Is that right?
	Yes.
	With the Andreas Ariano.
	Sorry.
	And you also know Ricky Rebel, right?
	Yes, Ricky Rebel, my friend.
	What do you think about his appearance on the last Grammys with his red thing with the Impeached Trump on his butt cheeks?
	I don't like the butt cheek.
	That was too much of indecence.
	I don't like the butt cheek.
	That might be a video sample right there.
	I don't like the butt cheeks.
	Anytime their butt cheeks showed?
	Cheeks?
	I don't like the butt cheek.
	That was too much of indecence.
	We can speak, but, you know, with a little bit decent.
	Much as I adore him, that was I'm not pleasure with it.
	Isn't she great?
	She's great.
	Everybody loves Gladys.
	Danny, can you do another video behind him doing the saying on?
	Gladys is God.
	You're going to keep talking to Gladys.
	And I ask him question, and you're going to say, Gladys, yes, whatever, whatever.
	But make it fake and real.
	Don't move this.
	Let President Trump stay.
	Make it fake, but real.
	Don't move.
	Let the President stay.
	She's got to be Brazilian, right?
	Oh, good theory.
	I thought it was like Eastern European or something.
	No, no, no.
	That's Brazil.
	Huh.
	President's Trumps.
	Make it fake, Barrio.
	Great president.
	You are doing greatest things in America.
	We admire you.
	I have a limousine bus of yours, and we are promoting you for your second running.
	We want you to make sure the impeachment doesn't bother you.
	You know, it's a fake impeachment.
	They're trying all they can.
	It's a witch hunt.
	That's all it is.
	It's a fake impeachment witch hunt.
	Nobody has ever been treated as unfairly as I've been treated, frankly.
	but you know what?
	We're going to keep winning.
	A lot of big wins, frankly.
	And Gladys, I appreciate you riding on the Trump train bus.
	The most beautiful bus that's ever been created.
	Yes, you are great.
	You are the most beautiful bus.
	Frankly.
	President, I also slip on YouTube.
	The whole thing, right?
	No, just Gladys interviewing you.
	Trump dog.
	Trump?
	Benji LaVinji.
	You know, he loves you.
	He jumps for you.
	You said Trump.
	I'm pro-Hillary.
	I fucking hate Trump.
	I'm Hillary all the way.
	His other liberal dog friends are like, oh, shit, they're probably watching.
	Guys, your owner's a Trump supporter?
	Yeah, it sucks.
	I don't want to talk about it.
	Benji LaVinji.
	No, he loves you.
	He jumps for you.
	You said, Trump, jump for Trump.
	He jumps.
	Bounce on Ford.
	What do you think about that?
	You know what?
	We're going to start using that.
	Jump for Trump.
	I like that.
	That's a great phrase.
	Jump for Trump.
	People are loving you, and all people is coming here asking me for you.
	People are asking me about you.
	They say, where's Gladys?
	Where's Gladys?
	I say, she's over here.
	She's doing great.
	Okay, Mr. President.
	It's a great pleasure speaking with you.
	It's an honor.
	We're here with Mark.
	What if you would use that cardboard cutout to grab her by the pussy?
	And just punch the hole through it?
	Like, fuck.
	You are literal?
	Fuck you.
	I thought the whole deal when you're talking about like rich girls and who like the rich guys.
	I'm not rich.
	No, I meant as literally as you can imagine.
	Just grab it.
	Man, behind the van.
	It's a bus.
	And you have a great organization.
	Would you like to tell people what that's about?
	It's really important what you're doing.
	Thank you.
	My name is Mark Miller.
	I'm the founder of...
	Do you think I sounded like shitty?
	Do you think I care?
	Great organization.
	Would you like to tell people what that's about?
	It's really important what you're doing.
	Thank you.
	My name is Mark Miller.
	I'm the founder of a charity that's called American Association for Lost Children.
	It's one-of-a-kind charity.
	We actually find and rescue missing children at no cost to the parents.
	We don't charge the parents anything, and it's all through hands, grassroot operations, and we've existed over 30 years.
	We've rescued approximately 140 children plus and we've been to many countries, been to Germany, South Korea, and we do it for free.
	And I love it.
	And so it's helping missing children.
	But a lot of the children not only are missing, but they're in abusive situations.
	Their names are changed, kept out of school.
	Sometimes they've been sexually abused, which is horrific.
	It's sick.
	So we go into countries and we rescue them and come back.
	And that's what we do by the grace of God.
	Thank you.
	Aren't most missing kids abducted by the one who lost the custody battle?
	I believe 98%.
	You want me to look that up?
	No.
	I think you're right.
	But that's still a valid thing.
	If some fucking Japan, I heard that Japan's really bad with this, no offense.
	I don't care.
	But when the Japanese mom loses, she'll just take the baby to Japan, which is illegal.
	And then Japan just goes, oh, fuck it.
	Gaijin.
	Like, nothing wrong with that.
	More babies.
	You want the babies.
	Something's so crazy.
	Some things are so trump, you don't even need to put the name Trump on it.
	That car rules.
	It's fucking nuts.
	It's worth about $300,000.
	Really?
	And it only gets 15 miles to a gallon, which isn't that bad for being that huge, I guess.
	But it's a 2015.
	But what's it for?
	I don't know.
	Towing like the biggest mobile home on earth?
	Like, what was its purpose when they designed it?
	The flatbread's pristine.
	It's just to be an asshole.
	I need to carry two sheets of sheetrock, some lumber, not that much, four bricks, and 18 friends.
	a small family.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	This girl loves Trump.
	Yeah.
	She's also not brave.
	Hey, he's got my shirt on.
	What?
	What?
	Oh, he does.
	That's exciting.
	Let's embrace this for you.
	Great shirt.
	Wonderful shirt.
	Frank.
	Thanks, man.
	Found it.
	We're shooting the thing real quick.
	What are you doing?
	Will, yes, sir.
	Shut the fuck up.
	He's shooting his closing.
	That fucking guy.
	Yeah, he's very funny.
	Drunk.
	Hey, what are you doing?
	Hold on one second, sir.
	Where are you going?
	You got a microphone?
	You're a little Chinaman.
	Is it good luck to touch your hair?
	You're all going to do it anyway.
	Good luck.
	You seem fun.
	Didn't we blow you fuckers up about a half a century ago?
	You look different.
	We blew you up.
	I suppose he was so big he landed in the wild wood.
	We're shooting a thing real quick.
	What are you doing?
	Well, yes, sir.
	Well, we're going to get harbor plans, do you?
	What are you doing in April?
	If we put you in internment camps, what the hell'd you get out?
	He's like Pete from Old Brother Where Arthur.
	He really does look like him.
	Thanks, man.
	Found it.
	We're shooting a thing real quick.
	Listen.
	What are you doing?
	Listen.
	Well, shut up.
	Yes, sir.
	Well, we didn't make it in, but we had a great time with fellow Trump supporters, people that love this country.
	Did we show the Donald Trump?
	We showed it on the show.
	So this is.
	Oh, that was yesterday's show.
	But I'm going to put those in if we put on YouTube or as a free speech presenter.
	I think we should just do the Gale thing.
	Although there was a lot of hum.
	Gladys.
	Oh, Gladys.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I could fix the hum on that, but she wasn't pointing the microphone towards me, so I had to boost up my volume because all of it was coming from her mic.
	I understand.
	Yes.
	Vibes out here.
	Almost 0% protesters.
	It's just a Trump-loving paradise.
	And although it is frigid, we're staying warm with freedom and donuts.
	And the paper towel surrounding the donuts.
	That's also delicious.
	What do you fucking chewbaca?
	You just eat everything that's near your face.
	Look at this freeze frame.
	I think I've eaten some pepper products.
	That's gross to look at.
	Look at that.
	You don't know how to eat.
	Can I take a bite?
	You don't know how to eat.
	Look.
	I think I intentionally did.
	Eat the tissue.
	Look at the finger.
	The finger's in on it.
	It's like, let's feed them some paper.
	I'm tired.
	That looks like a man who just ate paper.
	Hey, I'm one of these folks who eats a paper towel.
	Who eats a fucking napkin.
	A serviette, as we say in Canada.
	And this coffee, this is $2, but the donut was free.
	One second.
	Hmm?
	Your donut was $3?
	No, the coffee was $2.
	And the donut's free?
	Oh, free.
	No, no, no.
	freedom.
	The show of the rain.
	The show of the rain.
	That was cool to be a part of.
	It was beautiful.
	With everybody standing there taking their hats off, putting their hands on the chest.
	Oh, pretty awesome.
	Putting their hands on their chest.
	Putting their hands on my ass.
	Motherfucking hands on their chest.
	Oink, oink, you monsters.
	Maybe we could animate her lips.
	She could be a guest on the show.
	And say, oink, no, you can't make a picture video.
	Oink, oink, you, oh, monster.
	Oh, my God.
	I've been saying monsters this whole time.
	No, that's just one.
	Oink, oink, you monster.
	Just one.
	I can't believe I had to say that.
	I kind of lost my temper the other day, and I got out a four by four piece of cardboard.
	And with some white out, I wrote, oink, oink, you monster.
	And it gets worse.
	I went to a rally and I fucking held that up by my face.
	I want our kids to see that.
	Mom was an activist.
	No, she wasn't.
	No, she was.
	She protested police brutality and stopped police killing black people.
	No.
	You got the last three letters right and the first one?
	None of that at all.
	She was a fucking idiot.
	No, she wasn't.
	Oh, really?
	What's this picture?
	That's some idiot holding up a piece of cardboard with white out on it that says, oink, oink, you monster.
	That's your mom.
	That's your activist.
	Saving the day.
	Sticking it to the pigs.
	That is embarrassing.
	Your mom was a fucking retard loser crybaby with a wart on her eye.
	Oh, wow.
	Never saw that.
	Wow.
	She's been crying so much, you got a goddamn Himalayan sea salt.
	And then she's like, my mom still has a wart on her eye, but she's not a fucking crybaby anymore.
	Let's see here.
	I was doing imitations of people crying today at the Duck Inn, and I think I was doing it so well that people thought I was crying.
	Sometimes you can be too good at your jokes.
	Yeah, people don't.
	Because I was like, I said, I don't even want to be here anymore.
	And with like blue-collar types, if you do crying too well, they're like, this sounds like a drama club fag.
	Like, this is a typical joke at dive bars.
	So this guy, he wants to go fishing.
	And he says to his wife, hey, we're going to go fishing.
	I set it up for Saturday.
	And she goes, I don't want to go fishing.
	He goes, what the fuck?
	I got the dog coming.
	I got you.
	I got everything booked.
	I got the boat all set up.
	What are you crazy?
	She goes, I'll do anything not to go fishing.
	I don't want to go fucking fishing.
	What the?
	Here's the deal, bitch.
	You either come fishing with me or I get a blowjob or I fuck you in the ass.
	And she goes, let's do a blowjob.
	All right, fine.
	I guess I'll just go fucking.
	So she goes down there.
	She starts sucking him off.
	And then she goes, what the fuck's the matter with your dick?
	It tastes like shit or something.
	I can taste shit on your dick.
	And he goes, yeah, the dog didn't want to go either.
	Yeah.
	I know Alta's that one that's way worse.
	Oh my.
	I got a Mike Tyson.
	So when I'm sitting there doing drama club crying, they're like, why are you doing like fag characters?
	Yeah.
	Just have a beginning, middle, and end with a punchline.
	Oh, so even if they know your fate crying?
	I don't know.
	It's hard to explain.
	You know, that's...
	Not even in my bed with my wife.
	Even then, she's like, okay, I guess we should set this, do this.
	Let's go for it.
	Why are you playing the mailbag?
	We're going to calls.
	I don't know.
	I'm just swiping around.
	Just swiping around.
	Looking busy.
	Experience Asian flush, having trouble breaking down Trump's Chardonnay.
	That is true.
	So we got Brett on the line.
	When you Asians hear us Scottish people drink, are you jealous of how we get better?
	We're too drunk to notice the difference.
	Hey, Brett, just calling, he says.
	What's up, Brett?
	Brett, don't make me look like an asshole.
	Fuck you, Brett.
	Hey, Brett, eat shit.
	And your mother.
	Yeah.
	Tomadre is a puta.
	Somebody's calling about call girls.
	Okay.
	Yo, what's up, guys?
	I got my fraternity at my university on the line watching the show.
	There's sort of torn between a dilemma that's been going on.
	So basically, I had sex with a girl who was 6'5, and I'm about like 6'1 or 6' and they're all calling me like pussies because she was taller than me.
	She's only like the volleyball team and shit.
	They're all calling me, like, half the fraternities call me like a pussy and shit.
	And, like, the other half is saying, like, that's quite an accomplishment, like climbing Mount Everest or something.
	Yeah, I don't get the pussy part.
	Why are you a pussy if you fuck a beast?
	I mean, like, I don't know, man.
	It's just like, it's like she's kind of the big spoon in the situation.
	Like, you know what I mean?
	We're like, she fucked the shit out of me.
	Like, I didn't fuck the shit out of her because she's taller than me.
	I just wanted to get some clarity from the God King himself.
	So you looked down and there was Albino Kobe Bryant's feet sticking out of the bottom of the bed.
	Yeah, essentially, dude.
	It was like having sex with a fucking science classroom skeleton or some shit.
	Yeah, that's awesome.
	You're a real man.
	You climbed the mountain.
	I've fucked a lot of petite girls, and yeah, it's fun, whatever.
	You can toss them around like a little sandbag.
	But a real man wants a woman.
	Yeah, it's something sexy like a fucking smurf.
	Like, I wanted something, I wanted to Mount Everest.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I wanted a challenge.
	Yeah, you're awesome, dude.
	And by the way, when we see these guys with these little shrimpy girls, we go, you're a pussy.
	Like at the award show, we see Kevin James with his little tiny Asian wife, and you go, ah, you pussied out.
	Like, when you see a man with a woman roughly his height, you go, oh, you got some fucking balls, dude.
	We're very proud of you here at the show.
	All right.
	Thanks for watching.
	Peace.
	Peace.
	Pussy?
	That's weird.
	Hey, I fucked a chick who's super tall.
	You pussy.
	Do you ever see that?
	Hey, I climbed Mount Everest.
	Fucking Mount Everest is for fags.
	You see that tall person show?
	There's a show about like my giant life.
	And there's this tall girl, and she gets asked a prom by like the douchiest little Italian guy.
	He's like, hey, everybody, I want to make an announcement.
	I'm going to take, you see this monster over here?
	I'm going to take it.
	I'll fucking take it.
	I got to say, I feel really sorry for tall people, even if they're in the NBA.
	The way you see them in chairs and stuff.
	Like those seven-foot tall people and crawling into rooms.
	And here's the other thing that breaks my heart about the tall.
	I fucking hate how everyone asks them if they play basketball.
	How tall are you?
	Do you play basketball?
	Like people who are 6'5 have to say 6'5 900 times a day.
	And it's like going up to a black person and going, so what do you, you don't get sunburnt?
	And what, what, no, your hair is so curly, it's like pubes.
	Yeah.
	Is that like, is that springy?
	What's that like?
	I hear you guys have big dicks.
	How long is your penis?
	Can I break out a meter stick?
	Hey, first observation I have when thinking, when seeing you.
	Hey, most derivative thought that just popped into my head that you've had.
	That's like coming up with Brad Pitt.
	So you're like famous, right?
	You fucked a lot of chicks?
	Hey, Superman.
	So you fly around in the sky?
	That's a trip.
	You could like punch through a car?
	That's cool.
	Hey, can you just grab a woman by your pussy?
	You know what they the question they probably hate the most?
	Just do anything?
	Tall people are the only minority that you're allowed to say whatever the fuck you want to at any time of day.
	Yes, he's 6'7.
	Yes, he's very tall.
	Yes, he played basketball.
	When did you stop asking tall people if they play basketball?
	Because I know you're guilty of that.
	No, I'm not.
	You never did that?
	No.
	Oh.
	I'm perfect.
	Okay.
	Let's give Brett another try.
	Brett.
	Hello?
	You fucked up this guy.
	Redeem yourself.
	Yeah, you know.
	I was on hold, so I went up to chooch a cigarette, and now I'm back.
	You better recognize.
	I wanted to say, though, Ryan, at the beginning of the show, like always, you pissed me off, but you made up for it because you're pretty funny when you're eating a napkin instead of a donut.
	So that made up for all.
	And I just wanted to say you guys should check out, I'm from the Hammer here in Ontario.
	Hold on.
	When you're from the Hammer in Ontario, there's no need to say where you're from.
	That's like a guy going, what's up, y'all?
	Believe it or not, I'm from the South.
	So I just went out for a fucking dirt because I was on hold.
	But anywho, shoots a second.
	I'm from the fucking hammer there up in Ontario, fucking getting laid and fucking carrying a twofold under my arm.
	Yeah, man, smoke cigarettes.
	You guys got to check out onepuglife.com.
	He's on YouTube, but he's very familiar with Pug Life.
	Thank you for your call.
	Thank you for telling us about things we've seen 8 billion times.
	What is with these people who young people telling us about shit that we've seen?
	I had Pug Life on my fucking last show.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Hold him up.
	Fuck.
	Anyway, maybe you should show it to people who don't know.
	He's a super duper hoser.
	Caller, you're on mute for a second.
	Ontario redneck.
	Our rednecks in Canada are called hosers.
	And Hammer for everybody.
	And this guy, Pug Life, jumps like rascals over Evil Knievel type jumps, which never goes well for anyone involved.
	And for those who don't know, I do, of course.
	Hammer is short for Hamilton.
	Ontario.
	Yes.
	I didn't know that before.
	Just go by views.
	That's kind of a general tip.
	Short by today.
	We're all waiting.
	Someone's on hold.
	What to do when the cops...
	Go back.
	You want to see the jumps.
	He does jumps.
	So go to the second bit.
	Wait, stop.
	Go back to where you were, backspace, and then find the second biggest one.
	Is it a jump?
	It's not a jump.
	Let me see.
	Let me see.
	More cops.
	Hey, you want to see the bloody guy right above me?
	Oh, shit.
	I think that's the one where his wife was there.
	I love it when they pass out and they put a pillow under your head.
	Yeah, I have a concussion from doing a jump.
	If there's one thing I need, it's a pillow under my head.
	The only time you need a pillow under your head is when you're having a perfectly normal sleep in your bedroom.
	My patented medical fill from Milwaukee.
	I was a mess head.
	It's from Minashoda.
	From Minas Shoda.
	I can't believe that.
	Yeah.
	See, it's funny when you do an imitation, I interrupt you and then do a shittier version.
	How about this?
	Okay, maybe jump ahead a bit.
	It kind of reminds me of a guitar lesson.
	This is all liquid hoser courage.
	Oh, yeah, this is a really good one.
	I remember this.
	He's drunk as fuck.
	Drunk as fuck.
	Fucking cork it!
	Cork it, fuck!
	Cork it!
	Oh shit!
	I think drunk people pass out, I mean, get knocked out much easier than sober people.
	Does he do a jump where he just wipes it?
	Do you think it's a self-defense mechanism?
	Give her shit!
	Give her shit!
	Fuck, give her!
	Come on, fuck!
	Better, bud!
	Give her, bud!
	This makes me homesick.
	This is making me so homesick, I'm gonna faint.
	I'm gonna get knocked out from home.
	There we go.
	Oh, ouchie.
	No, fuck!
	No!
	He needs help right now!
	He's fucking sleeping!
	Oh, fuck!
	Taking a dirt nap!
	Oh, fuck!
	He's not!
	Holy fuck!
	Oh, Polyester!
	Get him over!
	His name's Paul.
	They call him Polyester.
	Oh, fuck.
	He's all sleeping.
	He needs a fucking pillow real bad.
	Oh, shit.
	What are they putting his finger in his mouth?
	How did that happen?
	What do you mean?
	Yeah, but like, what caused that damage?
	He was going way too fast.
	Oh, shit.
	This isn't good.
	Love how the grass blade is gagging him.
	A little grass cock.
	A little ant flies in his mouth.
	Walks in there.
	Oh, fuck.
	This is the shit that laughs are made of.
	What do women do when they're bored?
	Well, redneck women, Hozer women are all nurses.
	So she knows exactly what they're doing.
	They're all obese nurses.
	So they, like, make sure you don't gag on your barf.
	They pet you.
	Yeah, because the problem with concussion is brain swelling, so there's nothing they're going to do about that there, right?
	Unless you want to get into trepanning.
	You know what's a weird thought?
	Like, let's say that guy has, like, that nurse woman has a boyfriend, and she's getting jealous because he's petting.
	She's petting his friend's head.
	What do you think?
	You mean he's getting jealous?
	There, Asian flesh.
	His friend's family.
	Next caller.
	When my joke bombs, I end the videos too.
	She won't go by the rule, Gavin.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hey.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Regular caller.
	Hey, got a wife, 30 years.
	Kids are out on their own now, out of college.
	She won't go by the rule that we kind of came up or you kind of came up with was take your clothes off at the door and walk around the house naked.
	Could you look at Wendy?
	She's watching tonight.
	And explain to her the reason why that that is a good rule to go by.
	Wendy, I like you more than a friend.
	Your husband is wrong.
	That's not a good rule to go by.
	You had kids.
	You're not bananas about your body.
	I suggested that rule pre-kids.
	That's for when you're in your 20s and your girl's at her body peak.
	I've always said, guys who just start dating someone, there should be a bucket by the door, maybe a recycling thing in case she has a lot of shit with her jacket and stuff.
	And everything goes in there and she's just nude in the house.
	Now that your wife has had some kids, she shouldn't have to be nude.
	They don't like their little baby gunt, whatever.
	But one rule I think you should institute is hump day.
	I'll leave you alone.
	I won't be begging for sex throughout the week, but I do get sex every Wednesday.
	Every hump day, I get to hump you.
	And now, if she's drunk or feeling frisky, you get extra, but you have a baseline of 52 times a year, which actually ends up being about 70 times a year when you add in the few times during the week that she's horny.
	So it'll help you leave her alone.
	She can like walk around and not worry about getting fucking butt humped when she's doing laundry.
	And it's a great rule.
	The naked in the house is not a good rule.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's not a good rule for someone who's our age and has kids.
	And 30 years married?
	Jesus Christ, dude.
	She must be 55.
	You can't expect her to want to be dancing around nude.
	I get your mentality, though.
	Like, if my wife put on 50 pounds, I wouldn't give a shit.
	But I can see how the woman would give a shit.
	So.
	Caller just says, when will they learn?
	Yeah, I totally messed up on the description there.
	My name's Mike.
	Hello.
	Hello, Mike.
	So I want to mention something funny from earlier on the show that none of you probably saw.
	Me and my girlfriend, we noticed that Gavin picked his nose and then twirled his mustache at the same time.
	I thought that was pretty funny.
	Yeah.
	I mean, look at him.
	I thought it was funny.
	We were laughing about it.
	Well, thank you for noticing and thank you for your call.
	It was great having some input here.
	My nose isn't particularly boogery, though, especially at this time of day.
	It's just like when I'm usually itching it.
	And my problem with my mustache is I want to keep it symmetrical.
	And when I look at it on the monitor, this always seems to be up, whereas this doesn't.
	And I think it might just actually the lighting.
	But I don't really have a problem with rubbing boogers into your nose into your mustache.
	Sorry.
	I will say though, I've talked to some doctors about this.
	People who don't drink coffee tend to get staph infections.
	What?
	And it's because when you drink coffee, you have this hot acidic caffeine and you go like this.
	And the hot acidic caffeine goes up your nose where a lot of bacteria is.
	And it fries it and you tend to have a better immune system.
	So in that sense, he's right.
	I shouldn't be rubbing any kind of slime into my mustache.
	But it's not particularly slimy.
	Slime.
	But good observation.
	And thanks for tuning in.
	And I think we both, I could speak for you when I say that we both like when people watch instead of just listen.
	What if this was my face?
	Would I have the same career?
	Hi, I want to talk about Trump.
	I think he's going to win in a landslide.
	You know why it's great?
	John Lott has strange eyebrows.
	I think he had a tumor here.
	So he has got these arcing eyebrows.
	Obviously, I don't give a fuck.
	I'm not a fag.
	But I think it's affected his ability to do television.
	I never noticed that.
	Thanks a lot.
	It's marred his career.
	Oh, shit.
	It looks like a Cesar cyborg, like one of the best AIs ever.
	Yeah.
	I think what he has is a serious scar above his eyebrow.
	So your eye is drawn to the scar first.
	So it looks...
	So people with scars on their heads cannot deliver incredibly important information about gun crime.
	You're not a queer thing.
	I want Britney Spears to talk about gun crime.
	That's where we're at in America today.
	We're like, what does Alicia Keys have to say about it?
	I don't care about the fucking scientist who spent a billion hours researching the topic.
	No, thank you.
	What does Gigi Hadid have to say about gun violence?
	If he's got a Glock, he's kind of like, it's going to be quiet.
	We have Acadia Trump Rally.
	Hi, guys.
	Hi.
	What's up?
	So first off, I just want to point out that you said folks twice after not making fun of, like when you're not making fun of the person that was in the interview during Rock Nonetheless.
	Wait, wait, wait, stop.
	Stop.
	Who did?
	Me or Ryan?
	You.
	You did.
	You did.
	I used the word folks in a normal way without being sarcastic.
	Yep, you said folks at home.
	Yeah, you did.
	Fuck.
	Got him.
	Anyways.
	It is a disaster.
	You've probably already seen it, and I don't want to say this because I know you hate it, but there's a video where there's like a French reporter asking Trump how he decreased.
	Yeah, he asked him how he decreased the unemployment rate so much, and he goes, maybe we just have a better president than you.
	And it's fucking awesome.
	That's great.
	You have a lot of female friends in New Hampshire, and I just am really excited to go to the Trump rally that's on February 10th.
	That's all I want to say.
	You know, I was just up there, and one thing I noticed about the North Northeast, I don't hate the liberals up there.
	He said that to me, too.
	You know, you said that to my boyfriend when he called in, and I got to tell you, they still suck.
	They're just like, guns.
	Those are libertarians, not liberals.
	I got to tell you.
	And I see American flags all over that fucking state.
	That's because it's New Hampshire.
	You know, live free or die is our motto.
	So we love our cops.
	We love our state troopers because they're awesome.
	But don't give them a lot of money.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	I like you more than a friend.
	I sort of feel like, you know how I said once that there's, you got to be, choose cops or fire department, just like you ought to choose Army or Navy?
	I think now in New York, because there's a huge feud with state troopers and MYPD, I think you got to choose MIPD or state troopers.
	And I'm an MYPD nigga.
	What's the difference, you think?
	Are you going to make a montage of me saying that N-word?
	Well, that's with a soft A. Nobody cares.
	I was talking to a state trooper the other night, and he's like, I go, you hate cops, right?
	And he goes, fucking cops.
	They think they can speed down the high.
	We were wasted.
	They think they can speed down the highway.
	I fucking, I give them tickets.
	Not that much.
	I mean, I'm not.
	And I go, you do or you don't?
	I don't, I guess I don't.
	But I pull them over.
	And I go, why don't you give them tickets?
	Because I don't want to be speeding in the city and get fucked by them.
	And I go, you can't speed in the city.
	If you're going 20 miles an hour in New York City, your hair falls out.
	You can't believe it.
	You're fucking Mario Andretty.
	And you're speeding up to a red light anyway.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's going to last for seconds.
	That's why it's okay to drunk drive because you could fucking hit a baby.
	Right.
	Full throttle.
	Watch where the fuck you're going.
	What the fuck?
	Are you drunk or something?
	All babies are Chinese.
	I want to make that crystal clear, especially my babies.
	They all come out like, we had a Chinese delivery guy nine months before I came out.
	But I'm talking to him and I'm thinking, your entire career is predicated on the assumption that speed limits are good.
	They don't seem to be good in Germany and the Autobahn.
	I don't think we need you, dude.
	When people are going 100, they go, fuck, this is kind of crazy.
	I got to slow down.
	I'm going to die.
	There's self-preservation.
	So, you know, getting someone going 70 into 55, good, you really saved a life there, dude.
	They probably make the argument that they catch like trafficking and stuff like that.
	Trafficking what?
	Drug trafficking.
	That's the biggest spit tick I had since your jean jacket.
	Here we go.
	Holy shit, did I laugh.
	Thank you, by the way.
	You're in my good books today.
	A, you did a great job in Wildwood.
	Thanks.
	And B, that jean jacket was the hardest I've laughed in one year.
	And as far as spit takes go, it may be my only authentic spit take ever in my life.
	Like, as it came flying in my mouth, I went, wow, that's a lot of stuff.
	It was like the fucking little white pocket on your Carhartt t-shirt, too.
	Like, how much did that t-shirt cost you?
	It was a $20 shirt.
	$20 moisture working.
	He has a $20 t-shirt.
	Moisture working, yeah.
	The whole point of t-shirts is that they're four bucks.
	Never get shirts at Zoomies.
	Zoomies.
	But yeah, that wasn't even...
	Fuck.
	It wasn't even like...
	It was just real spit from your actual mouth.
	A genuine spit.
	Yes, it was at 2 p.m. today.
	Yes.
	Whereas Larry Barnes would say, that was at 2 p.m., January 30th, 2020.
	You adult.
	Your Harvascope that day was going to be a bright day.
	He has a southern accent.
	He sounds like a southern black.
	It's just a black scent.
	We got Mike talking about you, mom.
	That's right.
	Hey, Joe's, what's up?
	Hey, man.
	It's supposed to say oink, oink, you, monster.
	Oink, oink, you, monster.
	It says Mike Blinky Mom.
	Yeah, I think what's actually going on there is that Wildebeest holding the Oink Oink You Monster sign was actually holding the cardboard sign that a homeless dude left on a pillow after a one-night stand.
	That's a good theory.
	And she's mad about it.
	She's trying to find him again.
	It's like a lost connection.
	Find your sign.
	That's right.
	You know, I was calling about it.
	I don't know if you guys knew this.
	Probably do.
	It's probably old news.
	But I just recently found out that our seven-foot mayor actually legally changed his name three times.
	Oh, I didn't know three times.
	I knew he didn't like his stepdad, so he changed his name back to his birth name or some shit.
	Or he didn't like his birth dad, so he changed his name to his stepdad.
	Yeah, you know, it's only a seven-foot leftist mayor of New York City could marry a would-be lesbian who refuses to take his last name to run New York City.
	Trillian McRae, yeah.
	How ugly is she?
	And also, last point here is, I think that clip that you showed earlier this week of the crackhead shitting on the car's roof really was a great metaphor for what de Blasio is doing to the city.
	Yeah, it totally is.
	You know what I've noticed?
	They're so comfortable now, the homeless.
	Like, you're on their turf now.
	I get the same feeling in Philadelphia, and I get the same feeling in San Francisco.
	I actually get it in a lot of DC where I feel sort of I'm impinging on their living room.
	So you almost want to diptoe around their little fucking cardboard furniture and go, oh, excuse me.
	Sorry.
	Oops.
	Sorry.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	I live in Brooklyn.
	I've been jogging around the neighborhood, and I can't tell you how many dicks I've seen of all these dudes pissing all over the place.
	Not a crime.
	Of course not.
	Where in Brooklyn are you?
	See, I have a question for you, Gavin.
	What?
	I'm in Gravesend.
	What?
	Gravesend.
	Gravesend.
	Well, that's way out.
	Yeah, it's down there.
	Are you a-I had a quick question for you.
	Sorry, go ahead.
	Are you a born and raised Brookliner?
	No, I'm actually moved down from upstate New York.
	What the fuck are you doing way out in Gravesend?
	That's just where I ended up getting married and living now.
	Huh.
	Okay.
	A question related to music for you, Gavin.
	I'm sure you've probably answered this a million times, so I don't know if I've ever heard the answer.
	If you only had to listen to five bands for the rest of your life, what would the bands be?
	Five bands?
	Yeah.
	If you could pick five of your favorite bands that you could only listen to for the rest of your life, what would they be?
	Okay.
	Well, thank you for calling.
	We're going to-Thanks, guys.
	Hang up on you and work that out.
	Obviously, with a question like this, you have to look at the repertoire.
	For example, I'm a huge fan of Jerry Cinnamon, but that's only like five songs.
	You don't know this whole catalog enough to be stuck.
	Yeah.
	The Rolling Stones you choose, and you have their hits, but I even love their early shit when they were doing covers, like the early singles.
	Come on, since my baby let me come on.
	She don't mean maybe, because I belong to you, and you belong to me.
	I come-Or congratulations.
	The congratulations.
	I know you're shocked at how perfect that is.
	I thought we were listening to it.
	No.
	I was doing it with my mouth.
	Eh.
	It's a funny bit, but I don't believe you.
	Ryan, I'm not lying, and the folks at home can see.
	I was singing into a microphone the song-Play that.
	Congratulations.
	No, play Come On by the Rolling Stones.
	It's such a great jam.
	Congrats.
	It's called Early Singles Collection.
	No, not Congratulations.
	Come on.
	This is Come On.
	Oh.
	Can't get my car started.
	I wish someone would come along and run into it.
	Wreck it.
	Since me, my baby parted.
	Come on.
	Does it cover?
	Yeah.
	I can't get started.
	Come on.
	I can't afford to check.
	I wish somebody come along.
	Which is covering, like, the blues.
	Anyway, so I'm going to go with Rolling Stones, Crass.
	You probably want some, like, soul music.
	You know what?
	I'm going to throw in, I don't even like him that much, but Bon Iver.
	Just because, like, you're going to want a break.
	You don't want to chill.
	When you catch a fish, you're going to eat it.
	You probably want something black.
	Like, uh.
	What's a black thing you'd want?
	I'll.
	No, no, no.
	You know what?
	Don't know much about Sam Cooke.
	Whew.
	This is a tough question.
	three this is that clip by the way four choices you have very low you know what i'm gonna put the english bead in there because i get plenty of black out of the english bead you have very low unemployment rate in the u.s and we have a very high unemployment rate in france how come what's the recipe for well maybe we have a better president than you do isn't this he's so bad and then the media will take that and
	go donald trump can't wait to tell france that he's better than their president uh-huh now he's riffing yeah it's like they they've had their riff gland removed um poor bastards uh okay i feel bad because i'm killing who's girdu oh i'm gonna have to kill bonny Bear.
	Sorry, dude.
	I just know that you make soft music that my wife likes.
	I'm going to go with my five bands to Die 2, Rolling Stones, 1.
	2, Crass.
	3, Hooskerdoo.
	4, The English Beat.
	5, The Replacements.
	Thank you very much.
	Replacements are pretty great.
	You'll note everyone here grew up in cold weather.
	I'm not sure what that means.
	We got about 10, 12 callers, something like that.
	You want me to read some off?
	You don't need to do the reading.
	They're always wrong.
	Just answer the call.
	Some of them are pretty, like, female ejaculation, super bad.
	I don't care.
	Just click on the call.
	Just from now on, click on the call.
	All right.
	Hey, call.
	Female ejaculation.
	Hey, my name's Evan.
	I'm on the phone here with my buddy Steve.
	We've been having a blowout argument, and I'm hoping Gavin can solve the problem.
	Good.
	My favorite kind of call.
	I think when women ejaculate, that's actually real female passionate secretion.
	He thinks it's pissed.
	No, you're fucking wrong.
	Listen, so I had this fucking homeless chick who I didn't know was homeless originally.
	I was fucking her in my college house, and I didn't know until three days after the fact when she kind of outed herself as a squirter.
	And I was trying to be like, oh, I'm so fucking sweet.
	Like, I'll swallow your cum.
	And, dude, she pissed in my fucking mouth.
	That's not piss, brother.
	Gavin, what do you think?
	No, no, no, no.
	It's piss.
	It's fucking pissed.
	Piss?
	But don't you want to feel like a man and know that it's not?
	No, no, no, but, but, but she is so horny and she's lost total and utter control.
	So it's as good as come.
	Yeah, it's not.
	Because it's almost like she shit herself.
	Like, imagine you fucking ate out a chick so well she pooed her pants.
	Like that's that's still very flattering.
	But you have to understand, God wouldn't make like a weird little pouch, like a weird little change pouch that's next to the fallopian tubes that carries the magic squirt that only like 1% of girls have.
	Everyone has a bladder.
	You're getting the bladder juice.
	But it comes from, she's not like, yeah, just taking a piss.
	She's having, she's lost control of her of her organs.
	That's very flattering.
	You should be very proud of that.
	We want to be like the dominant like male figure, but at the same time, you want to like give back because we are in this equal opportunity world that we have going on right now.
	So for me, like trying to be like living in this equal opportunity world.
	It's got nothing to do with her.
	I let her break in my mouth.
	You're eating her out because you're a fucking pervert.
	It's got nothing to do with making her happy and all that shit.
	We're just pigs.
	We'll eat her ass.
	You ever look at Armpit?
	How do you think I made her fucking squirt my mouth?
	I ate her ass.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	Yeah, it's not about you being an egalitarian.
	It's about you being a fucking pigitarian.
	What is the name of your ghost show?
	Is it a good or bad thing to have a woman piss in your mouth when you think she's coming?
	Final answer.
	It's very positive.
	Great work.
	I'm very proud of you.
	And, you know, if my wife was a squirter, I would just invest in shower curtains.
	I'd be a very happy man.
	You want to know some gossip?
	I was talking about squirting with Owen Schroyer over at InfoWars.
	And I was like, I've never, I've fucked hundreds of chicks.
	I've never come across a squirter.
	And he's like, I've had three.
	And I'm like, three?
	Three?
	How the fuck did you get that high of a number?
	And he's like, I don't know.
	And, you know, when you're talking to a buddy, you can tell if he's a liar or not.
	Like, that's a dumb lie.
	But yeah, Owen is the luckiest squirt monger in the world.
	Anyway, thanks for calling, guys.
	And the answer to your question.
	Do you guys have a show?
	Are we on a show?
	Yeah, kind of.
	It's low profile, but we fucking love you guys and we appreciate you letting us talk to you.
	All right, thanks.
	We'll send you a clip.
	Cool.
	I don't care.
	All right.
	The mic sounded so good.
	The mic sounded so good.
	It was amazing here on WEKXP, Toronto, Ontario.
	Super place to grow and a place to be, a land of lakes.
	And all that you see is here on WEXP.
	Next caller, please.
	What do we got?
	All right, Gavin.
	18 to 9.
	Are you fucking kidding me with that?
	You sound like a blonde housewife watching for the commercials.
	Have you watched the Chiefs offense one time this year?
	Okay.
	I have no idea what you're talking about at all.
	The Super Bowl prediction.
	Oh, I don't know anything about football.
	No, but I'm saying, at least if you're going to do a bet read, do the bare minimum.
	This is like a liberal talk, but do the bare minimum.
	Look up the Chiefs.
	Look up Pad Mahomes.
	Look up, you know, usual football scores.
	18 to 9 would mean it was only field goals, by the way.
	That's not going to happen.
	That would be an insane prop bet.
	So give us a real score.
	Give your audience a real score to go.
	He doesn't know what that is.
	65 to 42?
	He's not going to.
	No, those are both multiple.
	Right.
	That could happen, right?
	Ryan, I have more faith in you.
	What's your score?
	I'm going to go 1326.
	For who?
	The 49ers.
	The 49ers week.
	14.
	1423.
	1423.
	There's a safety in there.
	Why are they laughing?
	Because it's a given that the Chiefs are first?
	No, no, it's that where our scores are all off.
	No, I mean, you know what?
	I was going to say, I'm in Vegas.
	I was going to put down a nice little score based off, you know, the lucky charm prediction, but you guys are just very unusual score.
	So thank you for taking the call.
	Let me serious, buddy.
	Yeah, we don't know.
	Sometimes.
	I love football.
	Sometimes people call in and criticize you, and they're very accurate.
	Yeah.
	Jordan, here's some gossip.
	Jordan Lucas is from New Rochelle High School near my place in Westchester.
	And remember that fucking coach who got fired for calling his niece's mother when his niece was wasted?
	No way.
	He brought Jordan Lucas to the Chiefs.
	He coached Jordan Lucas.
	He's the reason Jordan Lucas exists.
	He's in the fucking Super Bowl this Sunday.
	Holy shit.
	And he's fired.
	Fuck.
	Sorry, I gave you Jordan Lucas.
	Won't happen again.
	I apologize.
	Bastards.
	I'll make sure to walk away from my family members when I see them wasted at the age of 13.
	Shitty.
	You know, one of the guys in the plane, in Kobe's helicopter that died, is responsible for...
	But he coached one of the Mets.
	That's on the team right now.
	A utility player.
	What do they call it?
	I don't care.
	Kasha.
	Kobe kind of killed himself and his daughter, in a sense.
	Maybe.
	Would you just find that bracelet?
	Yeah, it was in my pocket.
	We all hate traffic in LA, Kobe, but taking a helicopter every fucking day is kind of asking for it, is it not?
	It's definitely a controversial view.
	Risque.
	You're really adding up the odds of danger.
	Like, maybe wait in traffic once, you spoiled brat.
	You killed your daughter with your inability to be inconvenienced.
	Well, great segue.
	Best love songs of all time.
	Hey, Kasha.
	Hey, Gavin.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on.
	I want to ride on your ding-dong.
	I was going to say, I want to ride Ryan's ding-dong, but you got me.
	So, that's a lot less strenuous, actually.
	If you don't have a lot of energy, I would suggest riding Ryan's ding-dong.
	Because riding my ding-dong, it's like climbing the top of Mount Everest and back.
	But riding Ryan's ding-dong, it's like playing whack-a-mole with a baby.
	I don't know if you can do it with heels on.
	I think you need to...
	Yeah, you got to do it with...
	You have to put those stockings that you put on before you put on your little shoes.
	You got to dig a hole for your feet if you want to ride his ding-dong.
	That's true, but you know, I'm short.
	And my dick's small.
	Don't take that out of context.
	Well, I would pass anyway.
	I'm married, so I can't.
	I just wanted to express my love for both of you.
	And I just want to say that I'm really happy with everything you guys do.
	I love the Pancreas Patriots.
	It's a great show.
	And I wanted to thank you, Gavin, because I've been married for a while and we have some kids, and it's really hard to get really, you know, frisky and intimate.
	And your recent, how do you say it, repertoire or song made me, gave me an idea what to play for my husband for Valentine's this year.
	Oh, Lady Saw.
	And Lady Saw.
	Heels on with the heels.
	Yes, that's the song.
	That's the number one that I'm going to be playing.
	What's your accent there?
	Are you Serbian?
	No, I'm Polish.
	Ah.
	Same, Aries.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on you.
	Well, you guys should try the hump day rule, Wednesdays.
	Bare minimum.
	Well, we do the non-stop rule when he's home because unfortunately, he's not that often home.
	So we just use all days as long as he's home.
	So, yeah.
	Okay.
	Sounds like you got that under wraps.
	I just wanted to say one negative thing, if I can, and it's about the app.
	It's been an issue for me.
	And I've switched phones and I've asked people, but when I get the notification that the show's live is on, often it just, when I click it, it just gets me to the app, but it doesn't play the show.
	So then I have to go to the website, which is not a big deal, but sometimes I just can't.
	So yeah, that's one good thing.
	So the notification should click right to the live show.
	Yeah, I know, but it doesn't.
	It somehow goes just to the app, and that's it.
	And there's no, like, today, I had that issue today, and I had to go to the website, and I had to go through the stream.
	Are you also saying that you can't watch the live show on the app?
	No, I do.
	I usually do.
	But there were like at least six times I had issue with that, and I missed the shows because at first I didn't realize I can just go on a website.
	So that's the only thing that I'm using.
	Maybe there's something in it, Polak.
	Thank you.
	That does help, though.
	Okay, thank you.
	I wanted to fuck you with my when I was in Ottawa.
	We had this Polish friend who was like six, seven.
	And I always said, I wouldn't fuck Yanni with a 10-foot pole.
	Oh, wait, he is a 10-foot pole.
	We got Brian a million in the morning and big three Perry Caravello and tons of other shit.
	He's like, if I don't wash my hair that day, it becomes like this wavy Vincent Price thing.
	It was a arabesque night.
	Hello, Brian.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, man.
	I want to fuck you with my hails on.
	Hey, man.
	Fuck you.
	Hey, yeah.
	Kesha kind of ruined the, I want to fuck you with my heels on, but I like your new sunglasses.
	Thank you.
	And instead of asking you eight questions and telling you three ways to do your job and then suggesting like ten videos you've already seen, you said you got me on to Windsor City by just referencing it.
	Then I saw on Street Carnage, you wrote an article about it.
	Oh, nice article a couple days ago.
	I can't remember the site.
	What happened?
	Why did Don completely bail on Perry?
	Like, why did that end?
	Like, it was like a project.
	Don gets tired.
	So to folks at home, our friend is talking about a 30-year prank on some asshole named Scary Perry.
	And the people doing the prank are Mole and Don.
	And Mole and Don are fucking geniuses.
	They've made hundreds of hours of prank calls, videos, podcasts, an entire movie called Windy City Heat.
	I mean, I became so addicted that I had to stop.
	The Perry Project was done.
	Don had had enough, but he keeps coming back.
	Because here's the secret to the Perry Project that no one will ever tell you.
	Don is the biggest freak.
	He's the biggest whackpacker.
	He has his own whack pack called Fuck, what's it called?
	Don Barris has his own show, and it's called, he kind of invented the idea of the whackpack.
	In fact, the ding-dong show.
	That's it.
	Thank you.
	Howard Stern stole whackpackers from him.
	Like Blue Ivy was originally a ding-donger.
	And I can't believe I'm talking about this.
	But Don is the biggest ding-donger of them all.
	He's a fucking psycho.
	I love Don to death.
	And Don, if you ever see this, I want you to know I'm not disparaging you, but you have to admit you're mental.
	Like his apartment is hoarder central.
	It's jammed top to bottom.
	His kitchen is just like, his kitchen counter is all these weird tequila bottles of like the rare tequila bottles that look like people and stuff.
	All his collections fill his entire house.
	He can't go to his apartment anymore.
	And he takes pictures all the time, everywhere he goes.
	So in his hallway is like floor-to-ceiling photographs.
	Like if you went out with him, I'm sure with me, there's maybe a thousand, and I haven't hung out with him that much, of me just like.
	Really?
	Yeah, like he's definitely on his fancy camera.
	You know, he's been with Jimmy Kimmel forever.
	He's Jimmy Kimmel's warm-up con.
	Is that it?
	Is that it?
	No, right?
	No.
	No, that's like not his style.
	See, that's someone who works hard.
	Don Barris doesn't do anything.
	They used you on hand for the Kiss Gate thing.
	What?
	And they called you John Quincy Adams or something.
	John Quincy Adams is another character involved.
	I'm not going to say who that is, but you can piece it together.
	I actually shit Jimmy Kimmel a picture of Don Barris' apartment, and he plays it before every Jimmy Kimmel live before they start the show, so everyone in the audience can see what a nut is about to warm them up.
	Dude, he wears weightlifter socks.
	You know those like big puffy white socks that like hot chicks would wear in the 80s?
	Leg warmers, yeah.
	He'll wear like white Reeboks, those sexy leg warmer socks, and then the loosest basketball shorts you've ever seen in your life.
	Like a gown, basically.
	And then some, you know, fucking basketball shirt and a hat.
	But I think what happens with Don is he just says, all right, I've had enough of this fucking asshole.
	Fuck him.
	And then he realizes Perry's the best thing that ever happened to me because he makes me feel less crazy.
	Oh, here's a story.
	Here's a story.
	Okay, you ready for this story?
	So I hired, there was a music show, a festival in Chicago called Intonation.
	And I hired Perry and Don and Mole to come down and host it.
	Even though none of the people, and it was all like hipster bands, was a hipster fest.
	This is probably the beginning of my day's advice coming to a close.
	But I was like, fuck these hipsters.
	Let's inundate them with windy city heat.
	So I flew those guys down.
	And they had never traveled before.
	Like, Mole is relatively normal.
	He's Tony Barbieri.
	Scary Perry had never been on a plane.
	Don Barris had never really traveled before.
	You know what he packed in his suitcase?
	40 magazines and a pair of sweatpants.
	That was in his.
	And by the way, you don't bring a suitcase to Chicago for two days.
	You have like a bag.
	By the way, he also found us a ding-donger.
	He found a new ding-donger.
	We called him £350 Josh.
	That was his new whackpacker.
	That's how good he is at accumulating lunatics.
	Anyway, so the story is he got to the hotel that I had booked for them, and he lost his wallet.
	His wallet's gone.
	That happens to us.
	It happens about once every 15 years to most normal men.
	And it fucking sucks.
	You got to cancel all your credit cards.
	You got to get your new fucking driver's license.
	Don was having a fucking meltdown.
	He was in the hotel lobby.
	He had his suitcase open, which is why I know.
	Oh, no, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	Let me go back a step.
	A buddy of mine was in a taxi.
	He goes, I'm getting in a taxi.
	And I hear a guy screaming like his wife was killed.
	And then I come outside and it's Don Barris with his suitcase open, screaming his head off, going through it.
	And it's just magazines and a pair of sweatpants.
	Then he runs into the lobby, still screaming, crying, drops it there and goes, where is it?
	Where is it?
	Where is the guy?
	And then Sarush Alvi, who's the guy I started Vice with, he grabs onto Sarush's leg and he goes, what am I going to do, Saroosh?
	What am I going to do?
	Hysterical.
	Then Derek Beckles, the black guy who does TV Carnage and we works with Eric Andre, he was also there at the time.
	He was in the hotel room next To Don, and he was having a shower.
	He could hear Don in the shower through the wall, screaming, punching the walls, and going, Why, why, why, why?
	Because he lost his fucking this is what you do when you lose your wallet, by the way.
	You go like this, Jesus, fuck.
	That's a pain in the ass.
	Shit.
	Fuck.
	That's it.
	You don't cry, you don't wail, you don't pound your suitcase, you don't crawl into a ball.
	Anyway, Don is just as crazy as the rest of them, but he's a fucking wonderful guy.
	Super funny dude.
	Oh, that's a young picture of him.
	Don Barris and Whitney Houston?
	What?
	But yeah, I gave up on the Perry Project because I got too involved.
	It was taking over my life.
	But the Perry Project's not over.
	Dawn just took a break.
	Anyway, I got a piss, but let's keep taking calls.
	That's great to hear.
	Thank you.
	Love you more than a friend.
	Later, Anthony watches.
	Anthony watches, watches Anthony.
	Watches.
	Anthony watches, Anthony.
	Rye guy.
	G-Dog.
	Pleasure.
	Hello.
	I just noticed something.
	And it was G-Dog's got a new watch.
	Am I seeing the Black Dial Sub-Mariner?
	He does have a new watch.
	He is taking a European, but he will be back in most.
	Okay.
	I'll show you.
	I have a Casio.
	You have Casio.
	See, I'm in Miami, and I'm just not sure.
	You know, this is a status signaling capital of the world.
	I'm doing decent for myself.
	Just not sure when's an appropriate time to get a watch like G-Dogs or to get a watch like Rye Guys.
	Hold on, one second.
	You know, at what income slash net worth do you buy the Rollie?
	And at what income slash net worth do you stick to the Casio?
	Is this up, Mariner?
	Is that what that is?
	Yeah.
	Can I teach you?
	I don't know what's up for this.
	Okay.
	Yeah, it's a Rolex submariner.
	I have a rich friend who is involved in Censored.tv, and he said, if you get to 15,000 subscribers, I'll buy you a Rolex.
	And he did.
	And I got to say, I don't like advertising it because I don't want to get robbed.
	But sometimes I'll just look at this fucking work of art and be in awe of its beauty.
	If it's under my, my hand's under my pillow, I can hear like, it really.
	You know, in Miami, everyone's got a Rolex, even if they can't afford one.
	Well, when should you buy a Rolex is a good question.
	You should obviously buy a used.
	This is probably $32,000 new.
	I think it's $18,000 used.
	I think you should have $150,000 in the bank.
	What's my net worth?
	No, no, no.
	What net worth do you think is appropriate to purchase something like that?
	That's a good question.
	I'm not sure net worth is the thing.
	I think that disposable income is the thing.
	So if you're making mortgage payments and everything's going great and your wife is happy, you're married, you're probably not going to get this till you're married, right?
	Right, right.
	And you have $150,000 in the bank that's sitting there, $150,000 and up.
	I would say it's time to buy a Rolex because the beauty of it is you can sell it.
	They actually appreciate it.
	It's not a Ferrari.
	It doesn't go down 40%.
	I heard it goes up in value, right?
	Remember?
	Right.
	You remember we're talking about that?
	So that's just off the top.
	I'm just speaking from me personally, and I'm the cheapest man alive.
	And by the way, I have a lot more than $150 saved.
	But I'm sort of reading you, and I think you should wait until $150 is just sitting there rotting.
	And if $150 is sitting there rotting, you could spend $18K on a Rolex.
	And also, it has to be something you're fucking dying for.
	Like, I've been wanting a Rolex for my whole life, and you have to go, can I afford it?
	Is it a good deal?
	Is it worth it?
	Can I resell it?
	There's other factors there.
	Right.
	And your environment is also another factor.
	I don't know a more status signaling city than Miami.
	I know there's a lot of rich people in New York.
	I know there's a lot of rich people in LA, but Miami is a whole different ballgame.
	And that's a sign off on there because I'm itching for one.
	That's a great point.
	And New York and L.A. have changed in the past five years.
	In L.A., you need a BMW 3 Series to showboat if you're a CAA agent.
	That's changed now.
	Now you need a fucking Prius or some bullshit faggot car to show that you care about the environment.
	And I don't think New Yorkers are necessarily impressed by fancy watches.
	I think like if you're talking about really serious hundred millionaires and they see you with a Timex, they're like, that guy, because a lot of rich in New York, it's not old money.
	A lot of them moved here from Oklahoma after they discovered the grapple grummit.
	So they're like, that's a Timex.
	That guy's a hardworking dude.
	He's my kind of guy.
	But yes, I can see Miami being a totally different thing due to your disproportionate number of fags.
	True, very true.
	And hooking up.
	Why are you gay?
	You know what I've noticed about spending money really stupidly?
	Is that if I get a Puerto Rican, a $220 pair of shoes, and then the rest of my outfit sucks.
	It's just, you gotta have a balance.
	And if you have a really expensive watch and the rest of your clothes kind of stink, Brian's financial advice show.
	True, true.
	All right, well, I like you guys more than a friend.
	Don't want to take any more time.
	Take care.
	He said, Thanks for calling.
	We spent way too much time with you.
	You're fired.
	And I like you more than fun.
	I don't like this wavy thing going on here.
	I like it straight.
	That looks cool.
	Looks like it's Kramer-ish.
	Which is super cool.
	We have a similar career path.
	Brad.
	Brad.
	So you're Brad Pitt.
	That don't impress me much.
	Am I on the line?
	No, you're just talking to ghosts.
	You're on the line.
	What's up, Ryan Guy?
	What's up, T-Detective Man?
	And Bloody Georges.
	Hey, I'm on the filthiest, most disgusting two-year dry streak that you've ever seen.
	And Gavin, even earlier this episode, you're saying that you've slept with hundreds of women.
	So you're a guy with tips on how to end a dry streak.
	So what's the number one tip?
	Thanks, my dude.
	Love you.
	Bye.
	Later.
	I did not understand a word of that silly native leprechaun Australian.
	Is that why we sent them to that island?
	Because we couldn't understand them.
	Why did you steal that?
	I didn't steal it, mate.
	I was just fucking mucking around.
	I was having a fun with my friends.
	You think that's a knife?
	There's a knife.
	That's New Zealand.
	Put him on a boat and send him out of here.
	I don't know what the fuck.
	I think it was Aussie.
	I had no idea.
	Yes, it was Aussie.
	But you're doing New Zealand, for sure.
	No, I'm not.
	Yeah, you are.
	You can tell the difference between New Zealand and Australia.
	Yeah, Australians are kind of like this.
	They talk with the little on the top.
	Interrogative tone?
	But New Zealand, they talk a lot tighter, like this, and they'll call a guy named Britt Britt instead of that.
	They say five plus one is six.
	But Australians are kind of talking like this, and hey, mate, you know, you're going to take a ride on the park.
	You're right, I am wrong.
	Wow, you're really hitting out of the park.
	Which makes me concerned that I've become retarded.
	Yeah.
	But what was that guy talking about?
	I think it says still getting off a magistrate like it would chicks.
	This is Julie.
	This is long 15 seconds.
	Damn.
	All right.
	So we have a really bad automated screener.
	But I think he was talking about man tits, how to get rid of man tits.
	Oh, how to get rid of man tits?
	Burn more calories than you take in.
	Yeah.
	And just fucking work out.
	I mean, I don't have man tits.
	Yeah.
	Norm McDonald, what's your take on him?
	Let's hear him ask him.
	I was just wondering, you know, another famous Canadian, one of two, what's your take on Norm?
	And have you seen the 9-11 laugh compilation?
	I have not.
	Thank you for calling.
	Great to hear from you.
	I think he's one of the funniest people in the history of comedy.
	He's a fucking genius.
	He really understands comedy.
	But I got to say, comedy is obviously one of the oldest art forms in the world.
	It's like painting.
	So, you know, when I see someone do a derivative painting of a landscape, I go, I'm expecting a lot more.
	That's what I loved about Tyler the Creator's show at the Grammys, where I went, all right, finally something new.
	So, yes, I'm blown away by Louis C.K. and Dave Chappelle and Norm McDonald.
	But at the same time, I'm sort of looking at them going, you should be this good.
	It's been a million years.
	Oh, shit, the Video Podcast Network.
	That's what Wendy City Heat was on.
	Uh-oh, your webcam quit unexpectedly.
	I think he's secretly gay.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I've thought that too, but he has a son, so at least he wasn't gay at one point.
	You know what Tucker Carlson said to me once?
	I'm really spilling all the gossip.
	Damn.
	He goes, look, we've been around for hundreds of thousands of years, right?
	When you're around people, there's pheromones, there's scents.
	You pick it up.
	And if someone's going to punch you in the face, you can kind of smell it.
	You can kind of sense it.
	And sometimes when someone's gay, you're just like, your marriage is about to collapse and you're about to move to West Hollywood.
	You just sort of feel it.
	And that's, I would say the same about Norm McDonald.
	I just see him.
	I see his pudgy face.
	I see the inept sidekick he has.
	Not that I have a problem with people with inept sidekicks.
	Some people with inept sidekicks are great people.
	Right.
	But this guy, like, at least mine can do imitations.
	His just sits there.
	He was beating off punks under the bridge.
	His is like OP of Opie and Anthony.
	Like, he doesn't really do anything, but he is cute.
	I.e.
	great for BJs.
	So I love Norm McDonald.
	I think he's a fucking genius.
	I hope to be maybe a tenth as funny as he is, but I think he's a fag.
	I don't know if he has gay eyes.
	Yeah, his eyes aren't very gay.
	That's a good point.
	But look at...
	Fuck it.
	Where's my ice cream?
	Thank you.
	He's a queen.
	Big gay ice cream is the best.
	No, that's called a Jew.
	The way he scoops that?
	No.
	That's a Jew.
	But everything, he's been notoriously single for a while.
	Jews are confused with gays.
	That's actually true.
	There's this magician.
	Look up this magician on Netflix and tell me if you think he's gay.
	It's called Magic for Humans.
	Are you telling me to look up something?
	No, for the folks at home.
	I don't know if we want to go down this rabbit hole, but I think he's a quebe, but he's drunk.
	I think you have Asian flush.
	I'm drunk.
	Two glasses of water.
	Yep.
	Two glasses of wine.
	That's right.
	And now you're trying to log into Netflix like a fucking drunken gook.
	All right.
	No, we're not watching Magic for Humans.
	I know the show you're talking about.
	You do?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I think I'm the guy, yeah.
	By the way, that sketch show on Netflix with the ugly Jew with the big nose is so fucking good.
	It's like that variety show where he's doing a bunch of shit.
	Yeah, like Let Me Get Out of Here or whatever it's called.
	I was watching a few.
	I saw that lesbian that Let Me Get Out of Here.
	Who let you in here?
	let you in here.
	I watched the...
	I was watching the lesbian, the chubby lesbian that Bill Burr endorsed.
	And I thought, she seems kind of good.
	And I thought the clip they showed was okay.
	I'm watching it.
	I'm just like, I'm just eating potatoes.
	And then I watched a few other things.
	I'm eating potatoes.
	I'm eating potatoes, and I think maybe I'm in a bad mood or something.
	And then I watched.
	What's it called?
	Let me get out of here.
	Get me out of here?
	So you were watching what?
	Yeah, there it is.
	The Schnaz.
	I think you should leave.
	I think you should leave.
	Dude, this guy is so fucking talented.
	This show is amazing.
	It's so good.
	It looks like an...
	It looks like a...
	You know what?
	Just play that.
	You can just drop the needle anywhere on the record.
	That was the last I saw of her.
	Then why did Tyler see her in your car at 2 a.m.?
	Tyler, Tyler's a freak.
	Everybody knows that.
	He may be weird, but at least he didn't beat up Matt Sims in the locker room in front of everyone.
	Okay.
	Look.
	Great actors.
	I don't see anything.
	All right, you two, get the class.
	The bell already rang.
	You keep me in the hall when the bell rang.
	The bell already rang.
	Sir, Prince West, that's okay.
	That's a cool shirt.
	Yeah, it's a TC top from TC Tuggers, the only shirt that's got a little knob on the front so you can just pull it out when it gets trapped on your belly.
	It's very cool.
	Yeah, I was doing this all the time, and the wear and tear was wrecking my regular shirts.
	But TC Tuggers has this little knob on the front so you don't wreck your shirt or hurt your hand.
	Yeah, that makes sense.
	Yeah, you know what I mean?
	Because when you go through the day, your shirt gets kind of bunched up.
	Anyway, so I was right.
	My brother sent me a commercial for the Tuggers, and he said, this is going to make you fucking insane.
	I think he thinks they're real shirts.
	Because you know how fat people are always going like this?
	Yeah.
	Like, we don't know you're fat because you went like that and I don't see the crease.
	There's no way this is real.
	Of course.
	Wait.
	But they made a fucking site for it.
	Yeah, they made a joke site.
	$50.
	Wait a minute.
	Now I want to make sure that you're not.
	They might be making shirts.
	They might official buy now, sold out.
	Buy now, sold out.
	Oh, they're both sold out.
	Okay.
	Premium rubber knob comes in any color you'd like, comes in any size you'd like, prevents wrecking shirts.
	Yeah, yeah, it's pretty great.
	All right, let's take some more calls.
	We're way over the line.
	My age is flaring up.
	Doug, you're going to talk about a politically incorrect joke, or did we just talk to you?
	No, you did not just talk to me.
	Okay.
	Well, you talk to us.
	You sexy bass.
	I will talk to you.
	Okay.
	So I saw this joke on Twitter today, and my coworker brought it up.
	And it's essentially the coronavirus.
	When are we going to start calling it the kung flu?
	Yes.
	And then a separate co-worker started to talk about how that joke was racist.
	And I was wondering if you guys could discuss how absolutely insane that is, that someone would think that.
	I would say you could argue it's racist, but so what?
	It's also funny.
	Yeah, it's also a joke.
	It's not serious.
	Yeah, within every joke is a tiny revolution.
	These people want to stop us riffing.
	How about we make some fucking fun and levity out of a horrible situation?
	Is that possible?
	Yeah, out of some death and kung fu.
	That's hilarious.
	Your proper response to that, sure, sir.
	Thank you for calling, by the way.
	Yeah.
	Is yes, you're right.
	That is racist, and it's also funny.
	Yeah.
	Is kung fu itself racist?
	What a jam.
	Everybody was Kung Fu fighting Those drugs were fast as lightning In fact, it was a little bit frightening But they fought with expert timing There were funky China men From funky Chinatown They were chopping them up They were chopping them down
	ancient Chinese art We got.
	It's an ancient Chinese, huh?
	You know Rob Runny?
	Yep.
	I used to go to Scotland every year, and people would want to beat the shit out of me because I was a foreigner.
	And then Kung Fu became super big in 1979, 1980.
	And then all of a sudden, magically, one year, they go, where are you from?
	And I would just say America.
	That's easier, right?
	From America.
	Do you know Kung Fu?
	And I'd go, yeah.
	I am Kung Fu.
	I am Kung Fu.
	And they go, can you show us moves?
	Can you kill people with a chop?
	And I'd be like, I am instructed to only use it in self-defense because it could kill someone.
	So I'd rather not get involved.
	I'd rather just go and get some sweeties, by the way.
	And so no one would fuck with me for like 79, 80, 81, zero fights.
	Because I must know Kung Fu because I'm from America.
	And I could fucking kill you.
	And then they started sussing it out around 83 and it was back to fucking, what team do you support?
	And I would say, Partic Vessel.
	And they'd say, you're daft.
	And I'd go, good.
	I can fucking love another day.
	Jesus Christ.
	Glasgow was that.
	I want to see what this is.
	Kung Fu.
	Glasgow Kung Fu Mental Case.
	It's me.
	This is footage from 1980.
	Stand back.
	What's going on with the fancy dress?
	How did you find the rest?
	Nine.
	Oh, aye.
	I was wondering why you throw that shit on.
	It's just a new time to change.
	I thought you were just fucking Madweet or something with a hat in your front seat, babe.
	This is my grade.
	This is what colour I am.
	Hi.
	What calls that?
	Boy Kung Fu.
	Is that the fuck?
	What's that?
	What's that?
	Esther Orange or something now?
	I've got red to go then this last.
	As someone from Scotland, I can tell you that both these guys are planning their first punch right now.
	The actual conversation is redundant.
	Benign, yeah, yeah.
	What's your name again?
	Bardy Marlin.
	How do I can you?
	I never punch a penny.
	How do I can you?
	That means how do I know you?
	The word know is can.
	How do I can you?
	Yeah.
	How do I can you?
	Don't know.
	You can?
	I don't know, you're just noisy me up today.
	Oh, I'm just a punching wonder like your mailing over that for that bigger machine.
	What's going on?
	Not a benevolent conversation.
	Well, I've got to go and see the doctor.
	Alright.
	I chop him fucking up and give you medication.
	Let's give me medication and I'll just chop him to pieces.
	Are you considering ripping open the door right now?
	I realize I can't kill all of you.
	So I'm just going to let you go, you know.
	I'd love to fucking rip out the door and just choke you, you motherfucker.
	You fucking cunt.
	Fucking joke.
	You gob shite, you wee fucking vampot.
	I'll fucking batter you so I will.
	See all your friends giggling away in the back seat?
	It'll D2 the new.
	Robert, fresh hot pussy.
	Robert Fresh Hot Pussy.
	Hey.
	Hi.
	Yeah, my last name is Fresh Hot Pussy.
	I know I've heard the jokes a million times.
	I'm from Iran.
	It's pronounced Fishat Pussa.
	Fishat Pussy?
	That's me.
	Yeah.
	Listen.
	Ew.
	That was a fart.
	Okay, listen.
	I'm 49.
	The fart's going to become unfunny at some point.
	I'm waiting with my Rolex.
	Not right now.
	Well, listen, I just want to first say rest in peace to Kobe.
	He was my favorite player on the LA Knickers.
	Oh, I mean, Lakers.
	Best traffic hater on the Nakers.
	Sorry, Lakers.
	Yes.
	Also, I just wanted to say, I don't know if you, I live in New Orleans.
	I don't know if you keep up with the news over here.
	The Hard Rock Hotel collapsed, and they had two dead people in there.
	They've been in there for months.
	And now one of them is hanging outside.
	Oh.
	And the city government is so inept.
	Stop.
	That they're like, please don't throw beads on him.
	In New Orleans.
	Oh, I never heard about this.
	The Hard Rock Cafe in New Orleans collapsed, and they just let a body sit there?
	The bodies have been there for months.
	They can't do anything.
	The building is told they can't.
	But they have a body just hanging out.
	And recently the city was hacked.
	They had a big ransomware hack and it totally destroyed a bunch of the city networks.
	Turns out a lot of those documents were the hard rock documents.
	Now it's coming out that the dude who owned the building, some Indian guy, I think, he donated like $100,000 to the mayor's campaign.
	It's a total shit show, but you should check it out.
	It's fodder.
	I'm sure you can come up with a bunch of interesting takes on that.
	You know, thank you for calling, by the way.
	New Orleans is so fucking corrupt.
	I talked to cops there after Katrina who murdered people.
	I've met murderers, by the way.
	People who will get drunk and go, yeah, that's when I killed the guy.
	It's never just like, I killed a guy who, like, fucked my wife.
	It's always with good reason.
	But I met detectives in New Orleans who, after Katrina, went and they went and shot perpetual offenders, guys who beat the shit out of kids, were serial rapists, had great lawyers, were gangsters, like scarfaces of the town.
	And they're like, I keep getting this guy to court.
	I keep fucking having a great case.
	And it keeps getting thrown out because he has so much money.
	He's a Coke dealer or whatever.
	That I keep getting fucked.
	So I just went and killed him after Katrina.
	I just fucking shot him in the head.
	See you.
	See you people.
	Hanging's too good for you.
	No, but I have an unturned stone here.
	Oh, yeah.
	Another thing with New Orleans where they had this crazy law that said, we guarantee you an expeditious trial.
	And if you haven't seen a judge within 30 days of being arrested, you're free to go.
	Sounds good.
	I actually like that.
	I feel like that's some kind of legislation I would come up with.
	But it didn't improve the courts.
	So these guys were, gangsters in New Orleans were murdering people.
	And then after 30 days, they were let loose.
	So they started thinking that 30 days was the sentence for murder.
	So after Katrina, a lot of them went down to Houston and Austin and other cities in Texas.
	And they would kill a guy and they'd be in jail.
	And then after 30 days, they started banging on their cell going, hey man, what's up?
	It's been 30 days.
	So I'd like to get the fuck out.
	I want to get out, motherfucker.
	I've done my 30.
	I did my month.
	I did my December.
	And they're like, no, you're looking at at least 15 years.
	You murdered a man.
	All right, next call.
	This show's going long.
	You're not going to see the body, you tarred.
	You want to see the bodies that were under the rubble in 9-11?
	Apparently it was visible, and they were urging people not to throw beads on it.
	Urging people for Martineau Lardi Gras.
	Don't throw beads on it.
	Don't throw beads, please, guys.
	Please don't play a trumpet and throw jambalaya on our dead bodies.
	Justin.
	How you doing?
	I love New Orleans, by the way.
	I'm probably going to end up there after I retire.
	I'm not in New Orleans.
	No, the other caller was.
	You jerked.
	But I'm in New Mexico.
	No, thank you.
	Too hot.
	Too hot.
	Oh, no.
	I grew up here.
	I'm a white boy, though.
	I'm 6'4 ⁇ .
	Okay.
	Still hot.
	Oh, I know.
	How's the weather up there?
	I have a small nose.
	It's weird.
	That's a t-shirt.
	I just want to say that if you look at the women's pay gap, it's 77 cents on the dollar.
	But if you look at it with objective value, which is what they want, that means that women are producing less value.
	Look at it that way.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	How about the women ruin everything and that every job they do, every workplace they're in, they just seem to ruin it by complaining all the time?
	Like, look at the way I abuse Ryan.
	Hello.
	And I'm like, you fucking fag.
	Even today, when I talk about Asian flush or whatever, some female Asian chick could use that to line her pockets for the next 10 years.
	And that would be the end of this business, the end of censored.tv.
	Like, they're just suicide bombers.
	They come in via affirmative action.
	They get everyone fired.
	And then they get fired for their own incompetence.
	Like fucking the woman who fired Coach D, the guy who brought that guy to the Super Bowl this Sunday in New Rochelle, that coach.
	She came in as a superintendent, affirmative action hire, got him fired, and then she got fired because all the parents hated her.
	I think Denine Barelli, the black chick at Seer TV, I think she had a lot to do with me getting fired.
	And what happened to her?
	She got fired for incompetence.
	They are economic jihadists.
	Well, yeah, but they're obsessed with objective value, which does not exist.
	It's like if you have a water bottle in the line at the airport or a water bottle in the line of the fiery desert of Australia, it's very different.
	My kingdom for a pen.
	That's the long silence.
	What happened?
	Are you familiar with that saying?
	No.
	Justin, here you go.
	No, the saying, my kingdom for a pen is like when you're trying to sign something important and, you know, you're like, if I was a king, I would give up the whole thing for a pen.
	These calls just keep coming in.
	Hey, Tom.
	You dirty bastard.
	Hey, you greasy Asian bastard.
	How are you?
	Hey, you shit-smuggling fart buggler.
	Hey, you Korean Bogolgi-eating son of a bitch.
	Hey, you pasty foot-stinking.
	Go ahead.
	Gavin, can I suggest something?
	Okay, great.
	and I apologize in advance, and I'm a couple years younger than you, but if you want to get strong and you want to get knock mofos out, you have to do manual labor.
	Yeah, I don't...
	Like, I do this show and then I lay bricks for four hours?
	No, no, no.
	You buy a couple acres of land out in Pennsylvania somewhere and you cut down trees.
	Go Rocky IV on them.
	Yeah, I live in the city.
	I live in New York.
	I work in Manhattan.
	I go to the gym an hour and a half a day.
	Thank you for your call.
	Thank you for your advice.
	I'm sure it's true.
	I'm sure that people who do hard labor get better exercise.
	Stopping cardio.
	That might be our last call.
	I know what he's saying.
	You know what you should do?
	You want better sex with your wife?
	She should be a supermodel.
	Okay.
	Sounds great.
	Roberto, talking about Ryan stuff.
	Ooh, me, me.
	Hey, Roberto.
	It better be good.
	Otherwise, I'll find you.
	It's actually Norberto, so please don't pronounce my name.
	I'm sure it's the first time you've ever been called Roberto, Morberto.
	You're right.
	It's not the first time I'm being called.
	Actually, people have called me Burrito, actually.
	Well, that's a better name than Morberto.
	That's an improvement.
	Morberto sounds like what Ernie comes up with when he misses his boyfriend.
	Oh, good one, Gavin.
	That's a good one.
	It's such an embarrassment.
	It was a fucking good one, asshole.
	Ernie and Bert, he misses Bert so much.
	He wants Bert dumped up.
	Okay, we're good.
	When people accidentally give you a better name, Roberto.
	Actually, it's the shitty version of what you do.
	You want a better name?
	Throw a dartboard at a name book.
	Yeah, give me a dartboard.
	It sounds like a real name through.
	It sounds like a real name fell into an active volcano.
	You want a better name?
	Buy some alphabet soup.
	How'd you get your name by losing at Wheel of Fortune?
	That was a good one, Gavin.
	If you want a better name, buy some alphabet soup.
	I got you.
	Why I'm calling.
	I just want to say, Gavin, you pretty much suck.
	And the only reason I listen to the show is because of Ryan.
	Wow, I'm glad I insulted you so much.
	I feel bad.
	Your name is awesome.
	Cool.
	All right.
	Well, thank you for calling.
	That was some great input.
	Ravin is such a pussy.
	And he plays Call of Duty all the time, but he never added Devil's Three-Way.
	All right.
	Thank you for calling, Video Game Player.
	I will adjate.
	I think it's great you guys play your fucking video game player.
	I only played it yesterday for the first time in life.
	But Gavin, I'm just wondering why, other than your wife and your abundance of children, why you don't enjoy playing video Games because they're for children.
	I don't read comic books.
	I don't do other kiddie things.
	So, what's the difference between a comic book and a book book?
	Because you're I said I don't read comic books.
	A book, I don't read fiction either.
	I read non-fiction books that enrich my life.
	NFBs.
	All right, we're good.
	Thanks for calling.
	You're drunk, by the way.
	I'll add you.
	Fucking.
	All right, let's hear Andrew Breitbart.
	Is that what you wanted?
	That is the long one.
	The whole thing.
	That's the long one.
	No, it's not.
	Yeah, that's part.
	War.
	That's the long one.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you cut off before war, and you said that's the long one.
	No, because I got confused.
	I was like, where's the rest of the word?
	I thought it was like the people writing me wrong.
	Yeah.
	I was mistaken and you were not mistaken.
	All right, let's do one more call.
	All right.
	We're going to throw on the towel.
	And I hope you guys do my Cubist Cube Root thing because it's fucking cool.
	I know it sounds gay on a show, but to be at a bar and go, to see 65,731 and go, 31.
	It freaks people the fuck out.
	Sasha, from Australia, or Irish Farmers, or New Holiday?
	I do Irish Farmers.
	I was with some Irish today.
	Alright.
	Hey Jesse, hello.
	Mimi.
	No, this one just says woman.
	Hello?
	I tried.
	What the hell is happening?
	Can I not click Irish Farmers?
	Go ahead.
	Go on now.
	Come on.
	What do you got?
	That's the weirdest thing.
	Okay.
	That didn't work.
	There you go, Jesse.
	Go ahead.
	Hey, Gavin, watch that Irish Farmers Lose Their Sheep video.
	It's guy that's got a pretty strong Irish accent.
	I think he might giggle.
	Alright.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye-bye.
	Thanks for calling.
	You're drunk.
	We're getting a lot of drunk callers.
	You think they're all drunk and weird?
	I had beers with a guy today who was in the fucking IRA.
	And you know who he ran with?
	Whom?
	The Border Fox.
	The Barters?
	The Barter Fox.
	The Border Fox was one of the most successful IRA criminals in the history of the IRA.
	And this guy was down with them.
	And I'd love to get him on the show, but you know how these guys are.
	It's like all the nights of Columbus.
	I go in Hell's Kitchen.
	I'm like, that's a fucking insane story.
	He just told me about the Westies.
	Can I please get you on my show?
	And they're like, no, those stories best stay in the past where they belong.
	Everyone's dead.
	Everyone involved is dead.
	What are the cops going to do?
	Bust their grandson?
	Come on.
	I'm not a rat.
	Or sheep.
	Last Saturday, Mikey Joe O'Shea brought his flock of Scotch sheep down from the mountain commonage ahead of Lamming.
	He discovered over 50 were missing.
	Lowing for a number of deaths and strays, Mikey is convinced over 45 sheep have been stolen.
	40?
	45?
	45?
	There'd be a full moon there about night and it should be bright out and there could anyone go up in the mountains about night, sure.
	Pardon me?
	There was 45 sheep missing, Mike, and the lambs and everything, the sheep, just count out the night, it'd be too many, Mike.
	What?
	We don't know about it, nothing.
	Some sauce, you know.
	Some sauce, I've been eating.
	Mikey's next door neighbour says some of his sheep have also been stolen.
	Come back, come back, come back.
	I'm missing about 10 years.
	It's not all that difficult.
	All I got to do is have a good dog.
	Have a good doggin'.
	Go at night.
	Have a good yacht.
	It's a night, just put the dog around him.
	Have a good dog.
	Put him on a trailer and walk him.
	Then, probably somebody else to pick him up.
	Probably somebody else to pick him up.
	Whatever he knows what he's doing.
	The IFA says the theft of livestock has become a serious problem across the country in recent years, causing significant financial loss and inflicting stress and trauma on families.
	How far does that go?
	Grandfather was a sheep stealer.
	How do you teach a dog to do anything?
	It's genetic.
	All right.
	I like you more than a friend.

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