Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E96 - POLYAMOROUS

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Dec. 9, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:32:25

S02E96 - POLYAMOROUS

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	You never know until you die I was listening to that all weekend forcing my kids and my kids friends to listen to it and they're like God that sucks.
	What?
	I thought how can you not like that song?
	Yeah.
	I got drunk on Friday night.
	Yeah.
	And I came back home and I just sat on the couch in my suit and just listened.
	I'd already listened to that on a loop on the train.
	And I just sat in my chair listening to Jerry Cinnamon again and again.
	Actually, what does he say?
	In a vision in the back of my eye.
	And when the walls came down, it was the only thing that kept me alive.
	You can build a bunny.
	I can tell by the look in your eye.
	For the people that you loved and lost that you never got to tell goodbye.
	Believe and build your bonny.
	Gony never know unless you try.
	One life is a short time.
	And no one knows where you go when you die.
	God damn it.
	Fuck, that is a winner.
	And it's not.
	He's not a one-hit wonder.
	He's going on tour with Liam Gallagher.
	There's tons of hits on that album.
	He's brand new, the Skeezer.
	Is he?
	And a bonnie's a bonfire, by the way.
	But it also means a bonny lass, a pretty girl.
	Same spelling?
	B-O-N-N-Y?
	No.
	B-O-N-N-I-E is the adjective.
	Yes.
	Well, I don't like when my Cuban links are hidden, especially with the black T. It's a great contrast, and it unifies the graphic with the fucking gold with the head.
	There he is.
	What are you on right now?
	What are you listening to music with?
	Google Play Music comes for you with my YouTube Red subscription.
	The song Sometimes.
	Oh, that is a jam.
	Yeah.
	Play Sometimes.
	Is this it?
	It's like Billy Bragg.
	Neophobe.
	Meet Consider it says here.
	Meets the Clash, meets Oasis.
	British people love those sort of drunken anthems too.
	What was that one about a rocket?
	Let your rocket.
	By Jerry Cinnamon?
	No, no, no.
	Ride a rocket.
	Sometimes, sometimes.
	Yeah, that's rules.
	It's a great songwriter.
	Yeah, it's amazing.
	I'm already hooked.
	Some of the time I'm on a false ego trip.
	Insecurity is right.
	I'm not the ideal person to be lecturing online.
	But if you want to know.
	That's perfect.
	Sniffing gear.
	Look, I've been in some sticky situations.
	I used to sniff gear.
	What's that?
	It's Coke.
	Ah.
	He talks about things getting under my skin, and I know because I've been poked a few times, meaning I've done heroin a few times.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	This guy fucking.
	Pasco's a rough fucking town.
	Yeah.
	It's Detroit.
	It's the south side of Chicago.
	This made me believe in music again.
	It kind of reminded me of that movie yesterday.
	You know, where the Indian kid is the only one who knows the Beatles, and he just steals all their songs?
	And everyone goes, where do you keep getting these songs from?
	That's how I feel about Jerry Cinnamon.
	Now I gotta remember that Ride a Rocket.
	Ride your Rocket, babe.
	My wife will know.
	What's that?
	You're going back to the yesterday thing?
	What was that UK anthem Ride a Rocket?
	By the way, thank you to the viewer who turned us on to that song.
	Big chorus live show.
	Anyway.
	Sometimes, sometimes.
	So today we're going to focus hard on this fat pig who is married to four rats.
	No, that's not fair.
	I apologize for that.
	One rat, two schlubs, and a practicer.
	The practicer may have got her pregnant, and he's going to turn the two schlubs and the rat into cucks.
	This might sound like an Aesop's fable to you, but it's this story that broke on Friday that I couldn't get to, obviously, because I don't have a show.
	So we'll delve into that.
	Big announcement to make.
	We are no longer free speech.tv.
	I got sued.
	Well, I didn't really get sued.
	I got up to the courthouse steps and said, okay, this is not going to work.
	We got a notice that someone owns the trademark FreeSpeech TV.
	And they said it's too close to free speech.tv.
	And I did what I always do and said, fuck you, man.
	Because I don't take shit.
	And then I got the best trademark lawyers in the business to go, ah, boys, do what you do.
	And they went, you're fucked.
	What?
	I mean, get him.
	Get him.
	And they go, free speech.tv is too close to free speech TV.
	You'll never win.
	Oh.
	I mean, we can go to court and empty your bank account, but I promise you, you'll lose.
	And then he said, I wouldn't be surprised if these guys are being nice because they want you to go to court.
	That's a thing in law.
	I'm not accusing them of this, but there is a thing in law when someone has an excellent case.
	They go, hey, I'm just a loser, but I was wondering maybe if you could do that and change that because I don't know.
	It would really help me.
	And you go, fuck you.
	And they go, oh, really?
	Unleash the hounds.
	Anyway, I don't really care.
	I mean, I liked free speech a lot.
	It's not a hill to die on, though.
	And the URL is now censored.tv.
	And that won't change anything.
	We keep our subscribers.
	We keep the app.
	We just won't ever mention free speech TV again.
	We're just changing our social media titles.
	Yes.
	It doesn't really matter.
	You know, it used to be a big deal.
	Where are you at?
	Where are you writing for?
	Who do you work for?
	People don't really do that anymore.
	They follow people.
	Like I used to, back when Lauren Southern was pre-retired, I used to say, where is Lauren Southern now?
	And people would go, I don't know.
	I still follow her, though.
	I saw her documentary.
	Faith Goldie.
	Where's Faith Goldie?
	Where's Milo?
	Milo is at free speech.
	Or sorry, whoops.
	Milo is at censored.tv now, but you'll go wherever he goes.
	It's sort of like in Montreal with bartenders.
	There was this bar called the Cheval Blanc, the white horse, and then those guys moved, started a new bar called Billy Kuhn, and all the people who went to see that particular bartender moved with him to Billy Kuhn, the new bar.
	I noticed that I do that in America, and I think sometimes people think that I'm either fucking the bartender, she's female, or I'm gay and I'm in love with the bartender.
	Because, like, why do I always see you here when he's here?
	Because I see bartenders as DJs.
	So I want to go to the club when my Diplo is jamming on the crazy circular vinyl discs.
	The ones and twos.
	She, the ones and twos.
	I'm still hip.
	Anyway, we are censored.tv now.
	Change your emails.
	Change your bookmarks.
	Actually, it still goes to the same thing, right?
	If you go to free speech.tv, it bounces to censored.tv.
	I think I initially had censored TV bouncing to free speech TV, and that's not the deal.
	Yeah, free speech goes right to censored.
	I know what you're thinking.
	Hey, moron, why didn't you look up the trademark for free speech TV?
	I did.
	I didn't think it was a big deal.
	I thought if you can buy our URL, it's yours.
	Isn't that what people do to fuck with people?
	Like, they'll buy RyanKatsuRivera.com, and then you have to pay them for it.
	That's a whole business.
	Yeah.
	But not if you own the trademark.
	Anyway.
	That brings me to another subject.
	We're going to be really, we've been sort of holding back advertising and everything while we were settling this and getting this new name.
	But we're going to go nuts with marketing and 2020 is going to be a big year.
	We have two new shows.
	Should I announce them?
	No, I'm going to wait.
	We have two new shows, and then I'm working on two other guys.
	Three other guys, actually.
	So five new shows.
	We should raise the subscription rate.
	We might.
	So get in now before it goes up to $12.99?
	Buy your year in advance.
	Speaking of censored.tv, I'm going to just cross out the word free speech.tv.
	I got to get it out of my vocabulary.
	I really like that name.
	I guess we've got to take down that sign, too.
	Yep, we've got to contact a man about some wood.
	It's one of those things where you go, alright, we'll just change this and this and then you realize, oh shit, we gotta change that, that, that, that, that, that, that.
	I got to change that.
	It's like losing your credit card.
	Yeah, Biggs intro has to change.
	We had Nick Fuentes on the show finally.
	Jesus, will you leave us alone?
	It's like every conservative or every person who's not a rabid liberal has to talk about Nick Fuentes 24 hours a day.
	These groipers are relentless.
	The only other group I've come across that is this relentless is, what are you doing, by the way?
	Just showing a page.
	This is the news.
	Asians, Disney, and Disney fans.
	I wrote an article about 10 reasons not to go on a Disney cruise, and I was bombarded for months with people pissed off at me for disparaging the great Disney.
	And then I did another article called Tackling Asian Privilege, and I just took an article about white privilege, and all I did was edit, replace, and I took out every Asian and made it into white.
	That's great.
	I mean, sorry, every white made it into Asian.
	And Asians got fucking mad.
	And it was things like, you don't know what it's like getting on an elevator and having someone grab your purse.
	No one grabs their purse when an Asian walks in the elevator.
	That used to be white.
	And people didn't like it.
	But I thought Milo did a good job.
	When you show things, try to just show the video, please.
	Oh, oh, oh, oh.
	I thought Milo did a good job with Nick.
	And this was a good highlight.
	He questioned him on the big stuff, the Jew stuff and the racist stuff.
	And Nick just said, yeah, that's how I feel.
	Yeah.
	What are you going to do about that?
	How can you be against interracial marriages?
	Isn't that insane?
	Why is that insane?
	Is mine okay because we're not breeding?
	No.
	It's actually worse.
	Because you are a homosexual.
	Dude, he's fucking great.
	That might become a video bite for us because you are a homosexual.
	That would be great.
	Jim Goat asked him once, do you go to bed smiling?
	What is with this constant.
	Yeah, Dav Davidoff said, why do we look like gay guys smoke fresh baked cookies?
	You always got that face.
	We're like, hmm.
	Oh, man.
	Actually, that reminds me of something.
	We'll jump ahead to 2.9.
	There's this black conservative who goes to Sacramento, I don't know, state, whatever you call it.
	And he keeps getting attacked by this dude, this little tiny homosexual who assumes that if you like Trump, you hate gays.
	We don't care about you.
	Do the math.
	Why would we care who you make out with?
	This is not God hates fags people with signs.
	We don't fucking care.
	You think I'm going to sit on the train going back to the suburbs tonight and just sit there on the train sitting in my seat, just going, There's some homo out there right now making out with a fucking homo.
	You know what I'm gonna do?
	I'm gonna stop it.
	I'm gonna start a don't make out with dudes company and they're gonna shut these baggots down.
	Hard F. Like, does that make any sense to you?
	So many of these allegations, I just want to say do the math.
	Like me doing the 10 things I hate about the Jews video.
	So you think that you can put out a video like that in mainstream society and someone will sponsor you to go to Israel and you'll put out a video that is a list of things you hate about Jews and you'll just be a normal person in society?
	Like even a normal right-wing conservative.
	Someone paid for that?
	That was put up on YouTube?
	No.
	That's not how the world works.
	If someone genuinely did a video, 10 things I hate about the Jews, and it was a bona fide, non-satirical, anti-Semitic piece, it would be on some weird, like lively, fucking red tube porn site or something.
	And that guy wouldn't be someone you've heard of or would ever bump into.
	Anyway, this black conservative got bumped into by a little tiny crazy little queer.
	Leave my friends alone, all right?
	We'll leave my friends alone.
	Leave my friends alone.
	Do you want to talk to Tom Carroll about this?
	I'm happy to go.
	There's nothing wrong with this.
	There's nothing wrong with this.
	I didn't know he was gay.
	What have I done?
	What's he doing with his belt?
	Oh, that is not okay.
	That is not okay.
	Because now, I get in a lot of trouble for condoning violence in giant air quotes.
	So I don't want to sit here and say, why don't you just beat the shit out of him?
	Because then it's like me saying, beat the shit out of the gays.
	But the pendulum seems to have swung too far in the other direction.
	Some dude attacks you like that, and you just go, that is not okay.
	Why are we filming everything?
	It's like camera versus camera.
	It's become the new dueling pistols.
	Take 10 paces, turn around and film me.
	Someone comes at me like that, I'm going to punch them in the face.
	It's self-defense.
	But they're going to film it.
	People are going to think you're a bad guy.
	I love people thinking I'm a bad guy.
	I keep bringing up my dad who got in a fight with a guy who wouldn't clean up his dog shit.
	I went through the same thing.
	It's a generational thing.
	I guess my sons will go through it.
	And they fought for like 20 minutes.
	There's no cops involved, no litigation.
	They both lost.
	They both looked like they'd been run over by a car the next day.
	Handled.
	All this like call the police and just handle your shit.
	And this is not okay.
	It's not sufficient.
	You cannot do that.
	That is battery.
	That is assault.
	Somebody said he should go to jail for telegraphing his punches.
	He punches like Robert De Niro and.
	Here he comes.
	Yeah.
	Stop that motherfucker.
	Stop, Henry.
	It's okay.
	Look at this.
	Look at this.
	You're going to end up with this.
	Look at this.
	See, I don't have this black guy's back.
	This whole look at this, look at this.
	Shame, shame, shame.
	I've documented you.
	It's like Soviet Russia.
	We've become these tattletales who want to document everyone's transgressions.
	I'll report you.
	Let's put your phone away and shove him back and say, what's your fucking problem?
	Have it out like men.
	I missed the 90s.
	God, we're so cucked.
	Look at this.
	My phone is on the ground.
	Look at this.
	Can't hold on to your phone from an arm bar?
	Yeah.
	Especially when it's telegraphed like that.
	Crazy.
	It's called Badoop.
	Oh!
	Whoa!
	Henry Wayne!
	Henry Black!
	It's okay!
	Aren't all bets off after someone does the first blow, too?
	I mean, you can't punch a man when he's down, but...
	The bonk bank.
	Yeah.
	It's a bonk.
	Calm down.
	It's okay.
	He's huge, by the way, this black dude.
	His reach would just be zip.
	It would be like that Indian dude in Street Fighter.
	DALISM.
	This lady's kind of annoying.
	Yes.
	She's very annoying.
	It's part of what I hate about this culture.
	And I just want to say something.
	Calm down, she says.
	I re-watched.
	I was watching Master Clipper because I'm a megalomaniac.
	And I talk about liberals a lot in the left.
	I want to stop doing that because we have enemies on both sides.
	I want to criticize cultural problems.
	And culturally, we as a nation and as a Western culture in general have this disturbing pattern forming where we're all about tattling and we don't want this.
	It's like China.
	Like, I don't want this on paper.
	Even when I got kicked out of the Burgess house there in Colonial Williamsburg, the woman comes up to me and says, I heard you had a problem with our performance.
	Because the guy playing a slave had went, ma'am, we got some trouble here.
	Like, everything's not about litigation and suing and documenting.
	That's weird.
	Sue the SPLC.
	That's a consequential case.
	You don't sue for some homo thwatting your phone away.
	And you don't need to file a report.
	And look, she's worried that she's going to get fired and everything's by the book.
	This goes back to Coach D in the new Rochelle high school who is fired for pointing out to a woman's, a girl's mother that she's fucking hammered.
	Hey, how she says calm down instead of asking if he's okay?
	Like, because, you know, then she realizes she didn't see it.
	You know, it's possible, this is a strange twist, but it's possible she's kind of racist.
	Towards her own.
	In the sense that she's like, well, he's a Negro, so he's going to go crazy right now.
	Because she feels.
	Because they do.
	But she's black herself.
	I know.
	Yeah.
	That doesn't matter.
	So she's like, this is about to get world star.
	Let's tell him to calm down.
	Meanwhile, he's like, I'm perfectly calm, lady.
	I'm basically a white dude.
	Good.
	It's okay.
	It's all right.
	All right, thanks.
	Just calm down, black yourself.
	You know how you get it.
	You have every right to report if this is.
	I know, yeah.
	Okay.
	All righty.
	I'm all right.
	Are you good at me?
	I'm good.
	I'm sorry about that.
	It's okay.
	It's okay.
	I can look at myself down.
	So it turns out this little kid has had a problem before.
	And why am I talking about a little kid?
	Well, because it's indicative of something else.
	It's affirmative action, where if this was a Trump guy attacking people with the phone, he would be ruined.
	But because we're so worried about being seen as bigots or homophobes, we give these annoying little homosexuals free reign to act like fucking brats, especially if it's towards conservatives.
	Actually, that's going to be the theme of the show here, is letting the left, oops, there I just did it.
	Letting minorities or a group that we don't think is in power get away with murder while we have the reverse bias when it's a MAGA supporter or someone we think is a conservative threat to the country.
	Oh, we're not doing catch-up Mondays.
	I guess we can do that in a second.
	Even the first time I'm Keaton attacked Floyd.
	Here's a video from earlier this year.
	There he is again.
	Holy crap.
	Look.
	Just pause.
	Yeah, it's the same black guy.
	Oh, they've had a problem.
	Yeah, and look at his reach there.
	He could just annihilate him.
	Yeah.
	Look at his little standard.
	And look at his attitude.
	The gay dude has like never been punched.
	You can always tell a guy that's never been punched in the face.
	The black dude has been punched in the face.
	He's trying to avoid it.
	But this guy's got this.
	And I've done that before.
	What are you going to do, bitch?
	But I realize that I'm starting a fight by doing that.
	I'm getting good at it, if you will.
	I can't stop hearing it.
	How dare you?
	You need to stop.
	You need to look.
	Yeah, you're a moron just like Robin.
	Look at him.
	It's like free reign.
	He's like Uday Hussein.
	Saddam Hussein is political correctness, and Uday Hussein is anyone who's not considered a straight white male.
	Spoiled rats.
	He goes to get a rock.
	But it's stuck into the grass.
	We can't get it.
	Stop, guys.
	Don't you dare grab that rock.
	Go back.
	The way they're talking, too.
	They sound so prim.
	Like, it's the death of masculinity.
	And I'm not talking about the homo.
	He's like Stewart from Mad TV.
	Don't you pick up that rock?
	Don't you dare!
	Don't you dare pick up that rock!
	Don't you dare!
	Come on, stop.
	Stop, guys.
	Don't pick anything up.
	Don't pick anything up.
	Stop.
	Stop.
	Come on.
	Then he called him a faggot.
	He called the gay guy a faggot?
	Yeah, look, they bleep it up.
	Yep.
	I didn't hear that.
	They blank it out.
	I know, but I didn't hear any of the indications.
	Look at his lips.
	Stop.
	Come on.
	Faggot.
	Oh, the gay guy calls them faggots.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Come on, okay.
	At this time, can someone please call campus police for?
	Call campus police.
	Call the police.
	Fill out a form.
	Document it.
	Floyd's video to Twitter.
	Kean posted this bizarre video to his Facebook page addressed to me.
	Hey, Kaylin, I pooped my pants at a college party, Bennett.
	I just want to let you know.
	You know what's weird?
	In that video, the one we just saw, he's got a pretty good head of hair.
	I assume he made this like a few months later.
	I think he got so stressed out, he balded himself.
	No adrenaline control.
	Maybe a really rough boyfriend.
	He didn't.
	He can't get balded by a fuck.
	He balded by a fucking f.
	And I don't give a f ⁇ about you.
	She's adding the fart sounds because he's swearing.
	Any of you Republicans that want to shame me for being the proud gay man that I am?
	You can try to shame me and say that I have AIDS all you.
	Listen, Circlehead.
	You can kiss my butt.
	All right?
	Night, night.
	What these videos don't show is what led up to this moment.
	One day before this.
	Anyway, we get it.
	That guy's a bad dude.
	I just remembered the fight we had with that lady.
	Oh, geez, yeah.
	So I got an argument with an old lady, and I'm of two minds about it.
	On the one hand, I don't like disrespecting elderly, but I also don't like having my thoughts and my private conversations policed, which has happened to me many times.
	I believe so.
	A woman came up to me about a month ago and said that I was making tranny jokes at another bar, and she was there that night.
	And she told me to be quiet.
	And then when she went outside to have a cigarette, six Canadians who were with me followed her outside.
	Is she using a code word for blacks?
	Six Canadians.
	I haven't had six Canadians around me since my bachelor party.
	Yeah, they're Americans who can't be identified as Canadians.
	That's what Canadians are.
	You don't know Canadian people are Canadians.
	And then I said, so I was, I mean, maybe I was blackout drunk, but I was standing on a chair and announcing trans jokes.
	She goes, no, you were saying to your friends.
	And I go, oh, so you were eavesdropping and you didn't like what you heard.
	Plus, when you eavesdrop, you don't get the whole story.
	So anyway, Ryan and I were going into town.
	I was headed to dinner with Dan Coulter and Ryan was going to the Milo show.
	And we came with this funny concept just as we were leaving, you know, shooting the shit as boys do.
	We're following this guy who was, we liked his jacket, we liked his shoes.
	Remember?
	Oh, yeah, there was, I forgot about that.
	The guy had a great look.
	He had like a beige jacket with the dark brown corduroy collar, a little baseball hat that fit him perfectly.
	He was about six feet tall.
	He had like nice Nikes with little swoosh.
	Maybe they were Chucks or something.
	And then he did throw out garbage, and the way he bent over was like weird.
	And I was like, I don't like you anymore.
	So then, I don't know how we got from that to that, but eventually we were like.
	Because he had a nice butt.
	He had a nice butt?
	Yeah, I was like, hey, nice butt.
	It would be funny if there was a guy who was picking a fight with someone, but there was strange compliments in it.
	He was like, I see you with your fucking perfect jawline.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	Piece of shit.
	Your fucking arms for legs, Mr. Perfect Body.
	Fuck you.
	Get out of here.
	And I'm sorry.
	I know it annoys you when I itch my nose.
	Maybe it's my mustache tickling it.
	Yeah, like the curling hairs go.
	But yeah, we kept joking.
	Hey, hey, blue eyes.
	Actually, that's true with the term pretty boy.
	Fucking pretty boy.
	What do you mean?
	You find me handsome?
	Big guy.
	It's such a weird insult.
	Hey, tough guy.
	Yeah.
	Hey, tough, gorgeous guy.
	Hey, strong man who's breathtaking to look at.
	Hey, perfect ass.
	I got a bone to pick with you.
	Get out of here with your perfect ass.
	So it's funny, right?
	It's a funny concept.
	And Ryan takes it too far.
	He's like, I don't even want to come on you.
	You're a loser or something like that.
	So it was like, that's not funny, but whatever.
	Ryan is allowed to make some mistakes when people riff.
	This old lady comes up to us.
	When I say old, I'm going to say 60, white-haired, very definitely upper-middle class.
	I hope she's not a neighbor.
	But she comes up and she goes, I just want to say that I could hear you guys using that vulgar language and it was disgusting.
	And you are everything wrong with this country right now.
	Meaning like Trump, right?
	Grab her by the pussy.
	We've all become like, grab her by the pussy.
	And I got really angry because she was policing our thoughts.
	So I was disrespectful to the old lady and I said, oh, thank you for policing our discussions.
	And she goes, I go, it's a private discussion, you old fucking hag.
	And then she goes, and she said, I couldn't not hear it.
	And I go, of course you can not hear it.
	And you only heard part of it.
	You don't even know what the fuck we were talking about, you.
	And then I said, cunt.
	And I just said, we don't give a damn.
	And then she walks away.
	And then she comes back.
	I'm going to show these young whippa stappers.
	And I said, get out of here, you feckless sal.
	You're useless.
	And then I used that unfortunate word again.
	And she was just saying, I don't think, I don't remember what her second tirade was.
	She was like, oh, you are so, you are so nice.
	Look at you.
	You are.
	Oh, like sarcasm.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So I'm going to do a video.
	Aren't angry.
	That's what she said.
	Oh, that reminds me, actually.
	Speaking of that guy, someone did a song of the how dare you guy.
	How dare you?
	Let's check it out.
	Is that number.
	Sorry, it's 1-2.
	And so you're not familiar with the notes?
	The 1-2 punch.
	you read them?
	A little bit.
	A little bit.
	How dare you?
	I just want to say, how dare you?
	Oh, it loops perfectly.
	He loops it great, right?
	Instagram doesn't let you loop it perfectly, but he does.
	He did a good job.
	Nice job, Anchor Bear.
	Good job, Anchor Bear.
	You're not banned.
	But I want to focus this show on hypocrisy.
	And one set of rules for one group, another set of rules for the other group.
	And a part of this, and it's a little bit of a tangent, is the way we worship some piece of trash like Cardi B. If Cardi B was like a white redneck, we would be making fun of her, talking about how disgusting she is.
	It would be like, look at Big Mama Lou or whatever her name is.
	The chick little hugger, shiny bear, sugar honey bear.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	Big Mama Loopy.
	I know the one that we like, Zoomy or Lulu.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	The pageant kid.
	Oh, Honey Boo-Boo.
	Honey Boo-Boo.
	Look at the way they talk about Honey Boo-Boo.
	Honey Booboo is not invited to be in any movies like Hustlers with Jennifer Lopez.
	But this Cardi B is royalty.
	In fact, she's sitting front row at fashion shows.
	So who is Cardi B?
	Well, if you check 1-3, this is Cardi B. She's a Puerto Rican stripper, piece of trash, thief, cokehead.
	I think she's associated with the bloods, too.
	Yeah, most likely.
	And we just kiss her ass because of affirmative action.
	Coming up.
	Gonna come out.
	Gonna come out.
	It's gonna come out.
	Oh, just pause.
	I should warn you, you may want to skip ahead.
	This is Cardi B about to have explosive.
	Well, what she claims is explosive diarrhea, but it's really just explosive farts.
	Hey, guys, so supposedly they miss a few on the show.
	I'm getting ready, though, but right now, I gotta take shit.
	Someone your daughter could look up to.
	Push.
	Y'all hear that?
	Wait.
	Wait, hold on.
	There we go.
	Guess y'all thought I was lying, because my stomach is really fucked up.
	Y'all thought I was lying, trying to curb be all that shit.
	Nah, bitch, my stomach is fucked up.
	Bitch, got some motherfucking diarrhea.
	I know what the fuck I ate.
	I don't know what I drank.
	My stomach messed up.
	Y'all thought I was.
	Are those slap sounds her having more explosive farts?
	I think that's her hand slapping her thigh.
	Nah, because these Canadian gay kids are fine.
	Yeah, by the way, just as a little side note here, I brought that up to show you our double standards and our hypocrisy in this modern culture.
	But just for the record, Cardi, you're using that as proof that you have food poisoning, explosive diarrhea.
	That's not how you act.
	You can't talk when you have explosive diarrhea.
	And secondly, I didn't hear an explosive diarrhea.
	I heard one loud brap fart.
	Yeah, that like the one that like.
	You don't cancel concerts because you've got the toots.
	Although it cancels a meet and greet.
	That presidential candidate, Eric Stallwau, whatever his name is, should have canceled that particular interview if he knew he was going to be ruining his entire political career forever.
	I wish Smallwell said exactly what she said verbatim.
	Anyway, I just had to shit real bad.
	Y'all thought I was lying, but clearly, y'all, my stomach's fucked up.
	Focusing on...
	Maybe we'll have time for a mailbag.
	I don't think so, though.
	And wrap up the show.
	No, not wrap up the show.
	So, you know what I mean?
	So this is already ancient news.
	This happened, I think, after my Thursday show.
	Went big.
	And I apologize.
	I apologize for delivering you a Hinchanta Chinese secret.
	It's something so crazy.
	Actually, that's Japanese.
	Ancient Japanese secret.
	Anyway, this pig is dating four guys.
	Look at those tits.
	Each guy gets half a tit.
	She's dating four guys, and one of them impregnated her.
	I haven't watched this yet.
	I've been saving this to watch with you.
	you know what's funny about her, by the way, before we get started.
	I see a pretty girl in there, like grow your hair out and lose 100 pounds.
	I see a 6.4 trying to get out of a four.
	She's killed 2.4 points with her excessive eating.
	But speaking of points, I think if you can date four guys that are twos, you're dating an eight.
	So this is a four who could be a 6.4 dating an eight.
	She's good at her job.
	She wins.
	Let's see who she's got with her.
	Tori.
	She fat in love with.
	Wait, go back.
	I missed the beginning.
	This is Tori.
	Hi, Tori.
	She fat in love with Travis.
	Pause.
	He should be a stand-up comedian, and all he has to do is stand up.
	Just go onto the stage and go...
	What the fuck is going on?
	He's like something at a Harry Potter.
	Holy shit.
	What an ugly, hideous vermin.
	Even his glasses are disgusting.
	What a fucking grosser.
	Look at his teeth.
	Wow.
	He looks exactly like an evil rat man.
	What would we give him, Ryan?
	I think he's...
	That's...
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Definitely a 3.3.
	3.34.
	I wish chicks were more into that thing where you go, how much would you have to be paid to, or what would you rather do, fuck him, or.
	Like that, that fills most barroom conversations.
	And girls would usually just go, what?
	I wouldn't want to fuck him at all.
	We're going to kill your whole family with this terrorist with M16s.
	You have to fuck him or eat a piece of shit this big.
	Neither.
	Forget it.
	Yeah.
	Ethan.
	Pause.
	Ethan was, God, they really know how to uglify themselves, don't they?
	Like, there's hope with some of these.
	What is that?
	Come over.
	Holy shit.
	It looks like some weird bird marshmallow potato boy.
	What is that doing?
	Is he trying to do Trump's hair?
	What the fuck is going on with that fat pig?
	See, he's the first guy was, what did we give him?
	A 3.5?
	3.3.
	3.3.
	This guy's even hotter.
	I would give this guy a 4.
	So I think we're going to go over 10.
	She's dating probably, I'm going to guess a 14.
	So 3.4 plus this guy's a 4.
	4.4.
	Okay.
	And Mark.
	Spare wars.
	Mark's, again, there's potential here.
	If he had a normal haircut and didn't have this weird pubic growth around him, look how thin it is.
	He actually has the same beard that those lesbians get when they transition and they take enough testosterone to make wispy little adolescent pubes.
	That's not appealing to women, too, to be reminded of a 13-year-old boy's pubes.
	That doesn't turn them on.
	But anyway, this guy could have been a 6.8 even, but he's really ruined himself.
	I'm going to give him a 5.
	Yeah, we'll go 5.
	5.
	So we were at 7.4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
	We're at 12.4 now.
	Wow.
	And Chris.
	Stop.
	I mean, if you're going to be a redhead and you're going to have a beard, you got to go big or go home.
	Right?
	That looks like an accident.
	It looks like a redhead chick's bush.
	Anyway, he's a four.
	So we were at 12.5.
	We're at 16.5.
	What about the?
	We're basically dating 2-8s.
	I said 1-8, 2-8.
	What about the black nail polish?
	Oh, I did not see that.
	So wait a minute.
	Is there some subtext going on here?
	I think there is some dick sucking.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	The only thing grosser than homosexuality is straights having gay sex.
	Like that band, what's that?
	Pentatonics.
	The white guy in that band is dating the Hispanic dude, and I don't think he's gay.
	He's just acquiesced to SJW so much that he's like, it only hurts for a little bit, and then I get to be gay, and everyone thinks I'm not a white male.
	I think he takes it in the butt to please the queer community, which that must really turn them on.
	Imagine being that powerful.
	That's like lesbians.
	Hey, lesbian, get over here and make out with me, or I'm going to call you like a male separatist that doesn't like men.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah.
	She's just going, here we go.
	I mean, that's, you're basically fucking scarface at that point.
	There's a chance they're all closet gays and they're sharing one beard.
	Yeah, that's dumb.
	To do that?
	Or my theory?
	Your theory is retarded.
	Plus, I am a gay face.
	Look at that face.
	Look at that weird little kid dressed as an old man for Halloween.
	He's so weird.
	I want to just throw him.
	Not hard.
	Like, I don't want to hurt him, but I want to throw him into some bushes.
	I can see being a bully in the 1600s was probably pretty fun because there was no real parameters, especially in like London with the stocks where you'd throw fruit at them.
	I bet you could just pick up a little guy like this and just go, woo!
	And like some fucking Duke would say, boy, don't do that.
	And you go, whatever, sorry.
	Oh, this guy sucks so bad.
	He's just video games, video games, video games.
	And if someone is going to feed him, then fine.
	I'll be in a polyamorous relationship.
	What a slut.
	A relationship could best be described by having Tori as the hub and all of us are spokes on a giant wheel.
	But not everyone.
	Yeah, giant.
	Yeah, giant wheel.
	She's a giant hub.
	By the way, just in the polyamorous scene, if you have a piece of yellow balloon or flourishing green balloon hanging out of your left pocket, it means I like to fuck more than three unbelievable losers at a time.
	That's their code.
	I was like, oh, you're kidding?
	That you're joking.
	How will this be?
	You try it.
	You're ugly too.
	And so, who's the father of the baby?
	Rat Boy seems pretty confident that it's him.
	I feel like Spare Wars.
	His face is heaven.
	I can look at his face all day.
	I love how confident he is, too.
	What is that?
	How'd you find a shirt too small for you?
	Did you shop in the children's section at Oshkosh Bagosh?
	What is that?
	A triple S?
	It's a triple SX.
	Extra, extra, extra small.
	Love, don't judge.
	Sure, it sure do.
	This is mine in Travis's room.
	This is the master bedroom.
	I love how these boring people are pretending they're interesting.
	I know what you're, I could predict that room a million times, a million years before seeing it.
	As the bigger bedrooms would swap in and out of every single day.
	I could see her vagina even.
	It's like it was shaved and then she forgot about it.
	Now it's kind of stubbly.
	Yeah.
	so that everyone can get equal turns.
	Ooh, an old timey record player.
	You're so steampunk.
	We keep all of our stuff in here.
	People are rotating in and out.
	Yeah, we know.
	The first Paulie Amherst relationship I'd been in was actually with Travis and Ethan.
	It's gotta be a joke.
	Faze is my favorite new comedy.
	It's gotta be a joke.
	Travis and Ethan.
	He's like a Martin Short character, like that kid in half-wits or the synchronized swimming guy who's not that strong of a swimmer.
	Travis and Ethan.
	Travis was the one who had brought up the idea to me.
	We met back in elementary school.
	We've been dating for about two and a half years.
	Look at Travis.
	intro.
	Wigson's like, I don't think Ethan's going to be in this for very long.
	He seems like he's coming to the end of his rope here.
	This is not worth free food and endless video games.
	And poor fucking Chris.
	Oh, shit.
	Chris breaks my heart.
	I thought that black dude who spent $40,000 on a Ukraine bride was the saddest man in the world, but Chris is looking pretty, pretty sad.
	The amalgamation of variables all working in her benefit have not been seen since the creation of Earth and the stability of Earth's ecosystem.
	One guy is just maybe is okay with three other lovers, but he had one more.
	There's not a lot of enthusiasm here.
	Like, this is the weird Machiavellian genius behind the whole mess.
	These guys are just along for the ride.
	And then Chris is like, I'm practicing sex.
	Once I get good at it, I can get the fuck out of here.
	Look at it.
	She has a schlub fetish.
	What's your turn-ons?
	Schlubs.
	This could all fucking.
	Walks on the beach.
	Margaritas.
	Romantic music.
	And of course, schlubs.
	A wide variety of the same guy.
	This is the various stages of dork.
	I've known Ethan since junior high, and we made things official recently, but we've basically been dating for about two years now.
	The term poly, meaning multiple, often refers to a three-person relationship.
	But for these guys, it's Tori and her four separate lovers.
	And the next one would be Mark.
	We met in high school.
	Just pause.
	Can we bring back bullying, please?
	We used to wedgie nerds.
	I remember hanging this guy, Craig, on a basketball net.
	He must have been there for two days.
	And I think his underwear started to split his actual butt cheeks into two.
	You know what he ended up being?
	A very successful engineer at a huge telecom company.
	Bill Gates, Steve Jobs.
	Bullying used to make these men into super geniuses and really successful men because of hate, because of animosity, because of resentment for the jocks and what we did to you.
	Now, left to their own devices, they've drifted into involuntary homosexuality.
	Now they're just like licking each other's flaccid penises while another one farts.
	And then Chris is the newest addition.
	Hello, Anthony.
	We've been dating since April.
	The relationship could best be described by having Tori as the hub and all of us are spokes.
	Yeah, we got that.
	That's probably the diameter of their penis is too.
	Yay.
	Yay!
	No.
	Who said yay?
	I think two people said yay.
	I think she said yay.
	Yay.
	Yay.
	That was Ethan.
	Was that Ethan?
	Yes.
	That's Ethan's only contribution verbally so far.
	Is he like a genius homo?
	Maybe.
	Yay.
	Yay!
	Wait, I didn't see him say yay.
	That's the ugly rat guy?
	Oh, no, that's Travis.
	Yeah.
	This is Ethan, right?
	Yeah.
	Oh, let's see.
	Sorry, now I'm ready.
	We thought he was a mute.
	I have a yay.
	Yay.
	Maybe he should be a mute.
	I'll pay for it.
	Are you all quite competitive when it comes to games?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	People are talking to me.
	So is there any one person that tends to win when you play games?
	Guilty as charged.
	They're looking at me and I'm on TV.
	Oh, man.
	Travis is really happy.
	Your head's blocking him, but.
	Yay, Travis, his plan is working out.
	It's not my fault.
	It is your fault.
	You're a genius.
	What did he say?
	You play this game to win.
	You're just like basically sewing chaos.
	This level of nerd is disturbing.
	While this poly quintet are happy to play games with one another, the shelves are literally buckling with the weight of their stupid, nerdy games.
	Betrayal at House on the Hill.
	Ooh, Katan.
	Trade, build, Settle.
	That's as far as play goes for the boys in this relationship.
	We're not romantic with each other.
	We're all just connected with her.
	Although Tori might like it to be another way.
	Well, there's a guy's arm resting on my chest.
	They're all more than welcome to have another partner if they so choose, but as of currently, no.
	Honestly.
	Yeah, it's called supply and demand.
	Nobody wants to fuck them.
	But if somebody found a second partner, you know, dividing time between all five people and making sure everyone feels included is kind of difficult.
	That's why we invented monogamy.
	That's why these fucking plans never work.
	Can they check in on some polyamorous relationships?
	I'm sure you've heard of it before.
	You've heard of some guy who started screwing his girlfriend and his roommate and they were like, we're in a threesome.
	It's really cool.
	You always hear about that for maybe like a month.
	Maybe two months.
	And then plates were smashed.
	There was tears.
	What does Tim Hunt say?
	Girls crawl.
	You fall in love.
	Four men are vying for just one woman's attention.
	Oh, yeah.
	Where's your wife?
	Oh, she's getting banged by Rat Boy tonight.
	Regretfully, a lot of the time.
	And then they giggle.
	You experience jealousy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's weird.
	Regretfully, a lot of the time.
	God set that up.
	It's like, how often do you feel uncomfortable when you make out with your sister?
	Regretfully, a lot of the time.
	It's almost like I'm not designed to do this.
	But thankfully, there are a couple of healthy ways to deal with it.
	Primarily just talking to each other.
	We have a tendency to talk around the moment of, hey, I need some time with Tori rather than actually saying it outright.
	Yeah.
	But introvert, introvert, extrovert, extrovert, introvert.
	Wait, I got confused there.
	Introvert, introvert, extrovert, introvert, introvert.
	So the two of you.
	I don't care.
	I just play it.
	We don't think we're going to make it to the whole thing.
	So only two of us are actually any good at open communication.
	You know the person.
	Okay, cool.
	An example, seeing her with Ethan, a lot easier because I was friends with him.
	Her and Chris was a bit dicier at first.
	There was a lot more jealousy and I'll openly admit that.
	Just pause.
	I don't believe him that he's having trouble.
	This is all his plan.
	This is his setup.
	And it's kind of interesting that a man that ugly, he's literally like a cornered rat.
	He looks like a rat, but his IQ is high because he has to do that to survive.
	So these mammals are incredible, these human beings, where they can be cornered and told, no, no one wants to fuck you because you look like a rodent.
	And then he figures out a way by like eating away at the corner, managed to like get through underneath a hole in the stove and then like just get some scraps by sharing a big piece of like a piece of bacon that someone else dropped and like giving it to the other rats.
	Finding a little crawl space, digging holes.
	He's good.
	Yeah, I'm impressed.
	I'm impressed with humanity, really, that they can figure out ways to get over their curse.
	The same goes for Mark, because I'd never interacted with them.
	Yeah, I'm going to have to nay that.
	I nay your nay.
	But for me personally, yeah.
	I've never been with the idea of monogamy, so I've always looked for...
	You'll notice how when Vince Neal or Nikki Six or another member of Motley Crew is fucking 4chicks, it's one of the most exciting looking, funnest, most colorful possible scenarios.
	I heard about Billy Idol when he was recording, I think it was Rebel Yell.
	He would just walk around the studio in cowboy boots and nothing else, and they'd have chicks everywhere that they'd just be banging and then making songs.
	And if you had made a documentary about that, it would look fucking fascinating.
	But then when fat, ugly, loser nerd women do the same thing in reverse, you just go, this is mundane.
	Even the clutter on their shelves is tedious and dull.
	A polyamorous relationship.
	So would you ever consider a romantic relationship with each other?
	I don't really know, to be honest.
	I guess I'd be, I'm open to it.
	Ugh, keep going.
	But I'm not going to go after it.
	I know Ethan and I saw that.
	Just pause.
	Doesn't he look like those guys in a chair?
	Like cerebral palsy?
	Yeah, he looks like you're wheeling around a chair at Disneyland and you're showing him the stuff.
	He looks like the weasel in Ice Age.
	Wow.
	Yes, sin.
	They tried it before him and Ethan.
	Look at this lazy piece of shit.
	He's not an ugly guy.
	Imagine being so lazy, you just end up in a fat pig polyamorous relationship just because you'd rather play games on your phone.
	And this guy's like, that's it.
	Keep being lazy, buddy.
	I got a plan.
	It's like the host and parasite type relationship.
	Yeah, sure.
	I guess I'll do that.
	Parasites prey on the weak.
	Flopped really fast.
	I can't.
	Oh, yeah, that's what it's.
	Look at their walls.
	Such a dull house.
	They're so uninteresting, these fucking people.
	It's my turn.
	And now this five-way relationship is about to be joined by an additional member.
	Poor fucking kid.
	Can you imagine that kid?
	We're all ashamed of our parents.
	We're all uncomfortable when they pick us up at school.
	But imagine these parents coming by your school.
	Just me.
	I'll walk actually.
	The nursery.
	So it's starting to get set up.
	It's not quite done yet.
	Not in the other couple of months, so we still have some more time.
	So, wait a minute.
	Three of these guys are literally cucks.
	They're going to be raising someone else's baby.
	They'll alternate cookness.
	Cuckatoo.
	I'm currently about 23-24 weeks pregnant.
	We found out a couple weeks ago that we're having a girl.
	We're very excited.
	And so who's the father of the baby?
	Ratman.
	So Chris Is the biological father?
	The one practicing.
	I knew it.
	I practiced more than all the other guys.
	He's the newcomer.
	Yeah, it's just a number of fucks.
	It's statistic.
	I mean, this guy's smoking pot.
	These guys are sleeping in front of the video games.
	And then this guy, I don't know why he wasn't getting his numbers up.
	But this is the practicer we talked about.
	He's at college.
	He's at the gym right now training.
	We just know that because of timing.
	But God, what a bunch of fucking losers.
	But as far as, I guess, socially goes, we're all raising the baby together, so everyone's dad.
	Look how unenthusiar.
	You know what this reminds me of?
	Remember that teacher who screwed her student?
	She was like the first one to do it.
	And his name was like Buddha or something?
	And we'll look her up after this.
	But she went to jail for it because she was told, stay away from him.
	He's just 13.
	Janet Latoy.
	She's got a weird long name that sounds kind of French.
	Mary Latourneau.
	That's it.
	And they would do updates on them.
	And after she got out of jail, I think it was like five years.
	He was an adult.
	They got married, had kids.
	And he was just miserable because he was dating this old bag.
	He was like Mark Marin.
	What's the president of France?
	He was like the president, Macron.
	He was like the president of France dating this hideous old cow.
	No, no, don't go to that.
	Stick with the video.
	Everyone knows Mary Latourneau.
	But I see the same look.
	Like, this is Buddha.
	I fucked up.
	Every time you guys try to reinvent the wheel, you're always struggling in this Flintstones car with your big square wheels going badunk, badunk, badunk, badunk, badunk, ba-dunk.
	How do you feel about everyone operating?
	Except for me.
	It's definitely a little interesting.
	I mean, I grew up with the idea of, you know, one dad, one mom.
	Oh, yeah.
	But there's a lot of support between all of us dads.
	We're always joining.
	That's kind of cool to cuck three guys all at one time.
	It's kind of badass.
	It's kind of the most bullying thing you could ever do.
	I thought the rat was the winner, but it turns out the practicer is the king of this game.
	Wins the unicorn game.
	Yay!
	Getting stuck in an endless loop of go ask your dad.
	Stuck in an endless loop.
	Having an unusual relationship structure has meant they've also made for some embarrassing decals.
	Judgment in different forms.
	Polyamory is definitely an uncommon thing.
	A lot of people have grown up in monogamy culture of, you know, you don't really love someone if you have eyes for somebody else.
	It sucks to have to say, but I probably have more of the negative reaction from friends and family when I first got into the relationship.
	My friend group was not very supportive of it at all.
	My family is slowly coming around to the idea.
	Just to be clear here, we don't have a problem with it because we think it's immoral, though it is.
	And it somehow offends us.
	We think you're a sad loser and we don't want you doing that.
	There's so many of these scenarios where they assume we have a problem with you.
	And we go, no, we don't have a problem with you.
	I'm just telling you you're fucking up.
	Like fat people, morbidly obese people, they go, you know, when you chastise us, it makes us depressed and then we eat more.
	I don't give a shit.
	I'm not here to cure you.
	I'm not your trainer.
	I'm here to tell you that you're fucking up.
	People, you four, five, what are they?
	These five people are fucking up and they're cursing this poor child.
	The pregnancy has helped with that?
	Even if they all broke up now, the son or the daughter has to know that this is how she was conceived in a retarded nerd orgy.
	Most of my friends know all of my partners and they blah blah and think that we're cute and such.
	My family is kind of quiet about their disapproval.
	The relationship was also met with mixed feelings.
	Quiet.
	They were just speechless is all.
	Yeah, imagine you're her brother.
	Wait, what's going on?
	You're fucking that rat guy?
	Yeah.
	Isn't he handicapped?
	Didn't I see him at Disneyland in a special chair getting in front of the line?
	Okay, so you're with him?
	No, I'm with a weird bi-bully nerd named Chris who wears black nail polish and is practicing sex on me.
	Oh, Karen, what the fuck?
	Are you kidding me?
	Wait, there's more.
	You know those two useless schlubs that play video games at my house 24 hours a day?
	Yeah, I told you to kick those guys out.
	They're kind of fucking me too.
	Oh.
	It would be like Woody Allen in that movie where he finds out that someone defecated on his sister and an SNM, a date gone awry, and he just takes off his glasses and goes, oh.
	It's one of the best scenes I've ever seen in any movie.
	I will admit that since I'm heroic, look at these obese pigs.
	You're dying, Fatso.
	Be protective if I wasn't expecting the pregnancy.
	Yeah, look at him.
	Look at his sandals.
	Look how he walks.
	Ew, they even walk like losers.
	I didn't know there was a loser gait.
	I was like, oh, you're so young.
	I was like, oh, you're kidding.
	What's with his leg brace?
	Now, since then, it's really exciting.
	I'm very excited to meet my niece.
	It takes a lot of time.
	Why isn't Alistair walking with me?
	I just feel like the more love that you could put in, the better the outcome for the kid can be.
	That's how it works.
	Yep.
	That's why kids who grew up on communes are so smart and well-adjusted.
	You're in for a shitty ride there, buddy.
	...judgment, jealousy, and jostling for attention.
	These guys are more than excited to welcome the sixth person into their family.
	What have we done?
	But I couldn't think of a better family to raise a baby in.
	I'm definitely excited.
	This is going to be an adventure, so...
	I believe it.
	I believe he can't conceive of a better family because this is his level of thinking that things are good.
	Look at this guy.
	I'm out.
	I'm going to shave.
	I'm going to go to the barber.
	I'm going to lose my spare worst clothes.
	I'm going to do some sit-ups.
	I'm done.
	This guy's.
	I can't decide whether he's in or out.
	This guy's out too.
	And we're going to end up with a Game of Thrones battle between two bullies and masterminds.
	These two Machiavellian little finanglers, rat boy and bully nerd.
	Ethan's over it, but he's not going anywhere.
	I think what's going to happen.
	Is this Ethan?
	Yeah.
	I think what's going to happen with Ethan, they'll go, hey, you haven't been in the fuckroom for like two months.
	Yeah, just, I'll get in there.
	What?
	You don't find her attractive anyway?
	No, I do.
	I definitely do.
	I just, he just jerks off to porn.
	Maybe they both beat him up.
	I'm ready for it.
	Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
	We laugh.
	We love to laugh.
	This is a disgusting example of our self-indulgent, lazy society where mental obesity and physical obesity have become married.
	And now we just sort of slog through life, sucking and fucking and getting pregnant like a bunch of lost turds.
	This isn't just one story.
	This story is about the entire Western world.
	I'm warning you, if you are of Scotch-Irish descent and you're drunk, do not listen to that song in public because, first of all, you will listen to it 40 times in a row and you will start to cry.
	So we're going to get to the hypocrisy.
	Don't worry.
	But we should still sort of update.
	So I had a dinner with Anne on Friday.
	Steak frit.
	Delicious.
	She had a bunch of crazy stories about people stalking her and trying to attack her.
	I better clear them with her first before I tell them.
	Did she like my Dinesh impression?
	I forgot to play it for her.
	I went to her birthday, too, on Sunday.
	And Bill Schultz was there, and he spent the whole time going to have smokes because the host didn't want smoking in his apartment.
	What a douche.
	And here's the other thing, Bill.
	You and I are didactic and exciting.
	You just talk like a raving homosexual, but it's still entertaining.
	Our job is at that.
	Our job is to be at these parties and to be fraternizing.
	And you talk to each person in the party.
	You got to think of a good excuse to sort of move.
	Usually going get a drink or going pee or a good ways, going to get cheese crackers or something.
	But you know who was there at the birthday party was the owner of the cellar bar.
	Fascinating dude.
	Really cool guy.
	And we talked about comedy and we talked about the magic sprinkles.
	Yeah, the magic sprinkles that make someone funny.
	And some people don't have them.
	Like I use this example.
	Tom Segura, you hear him talk and you go, oh, you have the sprinkles.
	Bert Kreischer, I love the guy.
	Awesome dude.
	Great comedian.
	But does he have the sprinkles?
	No, he's just a hard worker.
	And it's one of these fields where you can have a successful career if you just really work hard.
	You can't do that with music.
	You can't be a shitty bassist and be playing with Prince on stage.
	You can't be in the NBA if you just work real hard and show up for practice.
	You have 110%.
	But with comedy, like Paul Mercurio, not a funny person.
	He doesn't have the sprinkles, but he's got a 20-minute set that he could never waver from.
	And he just sort of repeats jokes like karaoke.
	But he's not an intrinsically funny person.
	Out of 100 people, there are five funny people.
	Four of them are men, one is a woman.
	That's just a fact.
	Now, out of those 100, 60 appreciate comedy.
	You know who's like that?
	Chloe Seveny.
	I used to hang out with her.
	She's not remotely funny, but she loves humor and she likes being around it.
	That's why, despite only being 5% of the population, sitcoms and Sunday funnies and comedies do really well because people like comedy.
	But that still leaves 40.
	40% don't know what you're doing.
	Which is why that woman came up to me and said, I understand there's a problem with her performance.
	No, it's called a joke, bitch.
	It's called a joke, bitch.
	You're my joke, bitch.
	I laugh with you.
	That's all.
	My joke, bitch.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I'm looking through my weekend here.
	We went to some panda festival that Johnny hated because it was freezing cold.
	I don't know if we should do catch-up weekend.
	Panda Festival?
	Yeah, it's stupid.
	It's in the parking lot of City Field.
	All your unicorns are pandas.
	And it's just a bunch of pandas.
	Like the kind they light up with the steel grid.
	I don't need to bore you with that.
	I put up a bunch of Christmas decorations.
	Oh, one thing I did was I made these letters this big, wood letters, and then painted them white, and they say Merry Christmas.
	No, that's not it, dumbass.
	What did you Google?
	Panda Festival.
	Just go Panda City Field Now 2019.
	That was it.
	It literally has a Mets thing and everything.
	Well, it was real warm that day.
	It's the lit things.
	It's that, yeah.
	Oh.
	That's where we went.
	Hello, Panda.
	Looks cool, right?
	Yeah.
	It sucks.
	It's just like, you just look at the.
	You should have seen the food I had.
	Now I'm talking about the thing I just said.
	I'm not going to talk about.
	I bet the bids were really low for the food court, which was just a cold dome.
	Everything was freezing.
	And I think a lot of Chinese people know, Chinese restaurants know, oh, there's going to be all Chinese people here.
	It was mostly all Chinese.
	This is good advertising.
	But I think a lot of black ghetto Harlem hustlers went, I could still make some money on this.
	So they bid on like some of these kiosks.
	Like one guy was selling grilled cheeses.
	What are you showing now, Ryan?
	This is Hello Panda Festival.
	No, it's not.
	That is.
	He makes the grilled cheese with the sort of granules, like that pre-gritted cheese you can buy the grocery store.
	He just sprinkles that on two pieces of bread and he cooks it a little bit.
	And then he gives it to me.
	And I'm like, when you buy a grilled cheese from a place, you imagine like, oh, exotic cheeses and cheddar dripping on the side.
	Maybe there's tomato soup or there's other dips, and it's like big chunky wheat bread or something.
	No, this was like white wonder bread with grated cheese in it and not cooked.
	I bit into it, and I could see the little granules falling out.
	And there's a thing they do with that grated cheese when you buy it like that.
	There's like a little powder on it so they don't stick together.
	So it's like this shitty, powdery, oh, it was the worst grilled cheese I've ever had.
	And then the next day, Johnny said, that was the worst day of my life.
	That's them making your grilled cheese.
	Which is such a fuck you to my wife who works hard doing these things.
	But man, my weekends are from the second I wake up, like on Sunday.
	Hey, the girls want pancakes.
	My daughter had a sleepover and I make pancakes on Sundays.
	Okay, I better get up.
	I got to make the pancakes.
	And then we have to go and I have to finish the decorations on the front of the house, which is a bitch.
	It's like a five-day job doing all, and getting all the cords plugged in and everything.
	It's not easy.
	And then we got to go get a tree.
	And then I got to go to my boys' basketball game.
	And then I got to go to Ann's birthday party.
	I didn't eat until 9 p.m.
	Anyway, that's boring.
	I want to show you the Woody Allen thing I was talking about with the glasses.
	This is my favorite scene in the movie.
	It's Annie Hall.
	It says crimes and misdemeanors.
	Annie Hall.
	So, we both came back here and she's describing a date to her brother, Woody Allen, and talking about this guy she took home.
	You know, she's sleeping over to friend's house.
	And it was like one o'clock in the morning or something.
	And we both had had a little to drink.
	You know, I want to tie you to the bed.
	Really?
	And rip your dress off.
	Have you ever been bound up, tied up, and made love to?
	Um, I'm a sensible gal.
	No more, you're not.
	God murdered.
	God, um.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Tying someone.
	I'm shocked at what I'm hearing.
	You're my sister.
	You're this nice middle-class mother.
	What are you telling me?
	I couldn't move.
	I was tied tightly to the bedposts.
	Oh, Jesus, by a str- A guy that you didn't know?
	And now you're going to tell me that he robbed you, right?
	No.
	Turn it up.
	He got on top of me.
	And why?
	I can't say it.
	I just.
	I can't say it.
	Why not?
	Tell me.
	What's so terrible?
	Cardi B. He sat over me and went to the bathroom.
	Oh!
	That's so disgusting!
	Oh my God, that's disgusting.
	Go back.
	I've seen this 8 billion times.
	He went to the bathroom.
	Oh!
	Oh!
	That's so disgusting!
	Oh my God, that's the worst thing I've been doing.
	One more time.
	It took a second, then it hits him like a bullet.
	Bathroom.
	Oh!
	That's so disgusting!
	Oh my God, that's the worst thing I ever heard.
	And now that's another clip.
	But then the other clip is he goes home and he tells his wife, who's, I think, ready to divorce him, and her response is so good.
	Defecated on my sister.
	Go back, go back.
	A strange man defecated on my sister.
	Why?
	I don't know.
	Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that sound?
	She was rude.
	It's so mysterious.
	All right.
	I'm glad we, so that's a good intro to Hypocrisy because that was meritocracy.
	When Woody Allen was making those movies, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Husbands and Wives, Murder Mystery, Manhattan, whatever that one's called, Annie Hall, Hannah and Her Sisters, those were all incredibly high-quality films that were done by an expert.
	And we didn't, it wasn't because he was a small Jew or something.
	We said, he needs a break in the film industry.
	We just went, this guy's really good at his job.
	We're away from meritocracy right now.
	And now it's all about pulling up people we see as disenfranchised and pushing down the people we see as privileged.
	And you end up with this topsy-turvy shithole of a scenario.
	For example, 1-9, man who offered $500 to kill ICE is acquitted.
	Now, our guys get four years in prison for fighting Antifa.
	That's basically all it comes down to.
	No charges.
	No broken bones, no blood.
	No broken bones, and no one wanting to press charges.
	A federal jury at U.S. District Court in Boston cleared Brandon Ziabrowski, 35, of New York City.
	He had faced up to five years in prison and a fine of as much as $250,000 if convicted.
	Ziabrowski had been charged with using interstate and foreign commerce to transmit a threat.
	Jurors got the case Friday afternoon after a week of testimony.
	He said after the verdict, he was relieved.
	The ordeal was over.
	Now, is that free speech?
	No, not by the law.
	Offering a bounty for someone to be killed, that's not an opinion.
	That is against the law.
	That's a credible threat.
	If you're the head of the bloods and you say, kill Ryan Rivera.
	Hey, I saw that.
	It looks like you...
	I think I have lines.
	My bad.
	I thought you mouthed a thing.
	I have lines of Coke.
	I have lines of care.
	Then that's not free speech.
	That's you getting someone killed.
	But it's anti-ice.
	It's anti-immigration.
	That's cool.
	Now, conversely, 2-0, this kid in Britain, and I know you want to separate Britain and say it's, no, it's all the West.
	It's all the same.
	They're worse off than we are, yes.
	But we're not that far away.
	In Canada and the UK, the government persecutes her for violating the rules.
	In America, the mob does it.
	So this is the same.
	This kid was jailed for 18 months.
	So that's not jail.
	That's prison.
	After calling for Muslims to be wiped off the face of the earth in vile 17-minute Facebook video rant.
	I like his stance there.
	What is that?
	Is that the lowest Z Guile ever?
	Go back.
	Lewis Duxbury, no, let me read the subheads.
	Issued a call to arms during the rant after the terror attacks in 2017.
	The court heard Duxbury was first reported to police about his views, aged 15.
	So a 15-year-old, we're following him in his views.
	And that's not plausible to wipe all the Muslims off the face of the earth.
	This guy lost his temper after there was yet another terror attack, and he said something incorrigible, but not plausible.
	What, are there a billion Muslims in the world?
	So this is clearly his opinion.
	This is free speech.
	Jailed for 18 months.
	And by the way, I was talking on the other episode about how I have censored alt-right dudes and anti-Semites and bona fide racists because it just kills the conversation when you don't.
	And that seemed like I'm being hypocritical.
	But I got to say, man, it worked.
	And other people have done this.
	Like Twitter, when they first started this and they got rid of the very, very bad guys before they got addicted to censorship, Twitter became a better place briefly before they turned it into the witch hunts.
	And there's places where free speech is bona fide and real and includes killing the total and utter freaks.
	And those are parlor and duck duck go.
	If you Google stuff in duck duck go, you can get right-wing results.
	You can get shocking, offensive, racist things.
	Same with parlor.
	But it isn't to the point where it's polluted the discussion.
	So it's not a hard thing to do to, I mean, I was going to say to police speech.
	It's not a hard thing to do to differentiate between, let's say the analogy would be eroticism, between hardcore disgusting pornography that sexualizes children and normal adult content.
	And that's all we're asking.
	And then you have these weirdos going, no, no, no, have the child fucking too.
	It's all or nothing.
	No, it's not all or nothing, actually.
	It is not all or nothing.
	Which brings us to 2-1.
	What's 2-1?
	2-1 is when I was singing...
	Just click on 2-1.
	We'll see what it is.
	What's taking you so much?
	Oh, I think this goes into the middle.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, no.
	This is interesting.
	So this is under the subject of Muslims being wiped off the face of the earth.
	There's a new documentary coming out by Tommy Robinson about this guy, Israel Shalom, who grew up in East London, which is now this part of East London.
	I forget the name of it.
	It starts with an N. Has become totally overrun by Muslims.
	And they beat the shit out of him on a daily basis for being a Jew.
	He wears a yarmulke.
	By the way, with the Jews, when you see a yarmulke and the little things hanging down from the belt, that's one of us.
	That's good news.
	They like Trump.
	We begin in France where a surge in anti-Semitic violence and hate speech has members of the Jewish community there fearing for their safety.
	Jews living in France increasingly feel under threat.
	Last year, there were more than 500 anti-Semitic offenses here, an increase of around 75%.
	Once again, the Jewish community.
	So just pause.
	There is a rise in anti-Semitism, but it's Muslims perpetrating it.
	And because of the hypocrisy of the media, they don't report on that.
	They only report when they can find a MAGA hat, Zieg Heiling or something, which is phenomenally rare.
	It feels like it's undersea.
	Tonight, armed guards have been posted at synagogues throughout Germany for the start of Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.
	Hate crimes against Jews have increased by nearly a third since 2010, according to the Home Affairs Select Committee report.
	Anti-Semitism is once again on the rise.
	In Paris, there has been a surge in applications for assistance to emigrate to Israel.
	The agency estimates they won't report on it when it's Muslims, but another thing they'll do is they'll take another group and say that it's white people.
	Like black kids in Brooklyn without dads who are just fucking brats will go up to Hasids, and they've been doing this forever, and they'll just punch them in the face.
	Usually because they don't fight back and they don't see them as human.
	So they'll show up on their bikes, just punch them in the face.
	The media will show, or at least within Jewish communities, they'll show like someone with a black eye, and then they'll say, anti-Semitic attacks.
	That's black kids acting like assholes.
	You want to find anti-Semitism, give up on the white thing and focus on Islam.
	Islam will leave this year the highest ever.
	I'm working on a new documentary.
	It's a new documentary that's going to be coming out soon.
	It's a documentary that's going to shock this country.
	I'm going to tell the story of a man, a man who become my friend.
	A man who was persecuted to death in modern Britain.
	We have evidence, we have an investigation that shows medical reports, police reports, hundreds of attacks.
	The man that begged for help from politicians, begged for help from the mayor.
	All of his cries for help, majority of them ignored.
	We're going to investigate how widespread this problem is.
	You're going to witness footage from this man predicting his own death.
	Oh my god, he's dead.
	I didn't know he was dead.
	You got to Google this.
	It is so hard to find any information about him.
	Like, look at what's 2-3?
	Wait, no, no, no, not 2-3.
	Is it 2-3?
	What's 2-3?
	Merkel.
	Oh, that's different.
	Go to 2-4.
	No, that's the Tommy Doc.
	Sorry, 2-5, 2-5, 2-5.
	This is all I could find on this guy, Israel Shalom.
	And it's way back in 2014 when he's saying British Jew recounts having to flee his London neighborhood after enduring more than 100 anti-Semitic assaults.
	There he is.
	That's all I could find on this guy.
	Now, he's got a weird name, but still, you know, you can be easier.
	Yeah, you're right.
	Well, I mean, it's weird because all kinds of shalom stuff shows up in Israel.
	But yeah, here he is getting his ass kicked and saying, I've had enough of this.
	And now, apparently, he's dead.
	I can't find anything on it.
	Tommy Robinson is the only one reporting it.
	Where is journalism?
	Well, that involves vilifying Muslims.
	That could lead to a race war.
	So you're banned.
	You may not talk about that.
	Which brings us to 2-2.
	Fox News Pete Hagseth is banned from Twitter.
	Now, there was just that thing in Pensacola, Florida, where this douche Muslim with a pornstash who got really mad when anyone called him pornstash, which, by the way, that's huge.
	This goes back to what I was saying about, I'm sick of saying liberal.
	Joke police, Puritans, anyone who tells you that jokes are bad doesn't understand how important they are for our survival.
	When you're a recruit in the military and someone calls you porn stash, it's the same with cops.
	They're ribbing you to see what your boundaries are, to make you tougher, to make sure you can take it.
	Within every joke is a tiny revolution.
	Within every mockery is a haze, and haze is how we survive.
	I need to know you got my back.
	I need to know you can handle it.
	So porn stash isn't just a throwaway joke.
	And when you tell the NYPD they can't joke about dead bodies, you're making them more prone to suicide.
	Anyway, people are reluctant to call this guy, this Muhammad al-Shamrani, to call it a terrorist attack.
	Why?
	Oh, just because he's Muslim, it's terrorist?
	No, because of what he said.
	So Pete Hegseth is from Fox and Friends.
	He published the guy's tweets, his entire manifesto.
	And in his manifesto, he makes it very clear that he hates America.
	And he said in his, if you go down a bit, it says, I'm not against you for just being American.
	I don't hate you because of your freedoms.
	I hate you because every day you are supporting, funding, and committing crimes, not only against Muslims, but also humanity.
	I'm against evil, and America as a whole has turned into a nation of evil.
	Now, what is jihad?
	Jihad says you can wage war, ethically murder people, if it is in defense of Islam.
	So this guy is a jihadist, and he was committing a violent act for political ends.
	The political ends are the definition of terrorism.
	If a jihadist attacks America because of their political policies and he commits violence to gain political victory, that's what a fucking terrorist is.
	But guess who is in trouble for this?
	Pete Hegseth.
	He is banned from Twitter for merely pointing, for merely showing the manifesto.
	Now, when you have MAGA guys, and this is the key to this episode, when you have MAGA guys like the New Zealand mosque shooter and he's talking about Ben Shapiro and all this conservative media, then they can't wait to out him.
	They can't wait to show you to show you the manifesto.
	I'm tempted to ask you to edit that because it was such a bad delivery.
	I'm just kidding.
	Yeah, that's the point of this show.
	It's this hypocrisy where if it furthers the left's agenda, they'll publish the manifesto.
	If it hurts the agenda, it has to be buried.
	You cannot find out about Israel Shalom, and you cannot see this Muhammad guy's manifesto because it hurts the narrative, which means modern journalists aren't journalists at all.
	They're activists.
	All right.
	Oh, and Schroyer immigration.
	We got that.
	We got that.
	I want to go to the mailbag, if we may.
	We may.
	I sound like a robot.
	Because there's a letter we got that adheres to this today's theme.
	And because I only further my own narrative, I ignore everything that doesn't adhere to the mean.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dance.
	Let's turn our eyes together.
	It's mailbags.
	Uh, okay, what is it here?
	Ray Donovan.
	How do you spell Donovan?
	I don't...
	R-A-Y.
	Oh, here we go.
	Two letters.
	One from Tom.
	I was watching the morally corrupt show Ray Donovan today.
	So this is from 3 a.m.
	And was dumbfounded by the fact that this particular show would go full SJW by showing Bunchie, Delara Joe's little brother, go to a Knights of Manhattan meeting, which is clearly meant to be a Proud Boys meeting.
	Most of the members were wearing Fred Perry's and MAGA hats.
	Others were wearing camo hunting attire.
	And then he puts in records, in Manhattan?
	And some were dressed like Richard Spencer.
	The best part is that the group leader delivering the quote-unquote hate speech was dressing like your falling down character.
	Maybe you can sue Showtime?
	No.
	It's funny, though, that Proud Boys was inspired by Ben Ratner and how he couldn't get laid and we wanted to help him out.
	But it was also the structure I got from being in the Knights of Columbus.
	So the Knights of Manhattan.
	And then another letter from Chris.
	Tonight's episode of Ray Donovan, Showtime 12, 8, 19, featured an incel going to what appeared to be a meeting of a bunch of ultra-right-wing types.
	One of the guys was wearing a Proud Boy shirt, which was featured for several seconds.
	Many of the others were wearing MAGA hats, so I might be interested in taking a look at this show.
	So you have some screen grabs from the show?
	Yep.
	We don't have the show up, right?
	You think we have to be on Showtime?
	Well, this is a stability.
	Courage.
	That's me.
	Claiming our right as men and securing the future.
	We have a new face here tonight.
	Brendan Donovan.
	A man who took down three armed thugs all by himself.
	We all need to take that kind of initiative if we're going to stop white genocide.
	Blacks, Mexicans, A-Rabs.
	They're not afraid to take up arms against us.
	We need to man up.
	Mexicans are taking up arms against blacks.
	That is the farthest thing from a Proud Boys meetup.
	Only they can see.
	That's like a Proud Boys meetup minus the fun and plus bullshit.
	It's like beer, fart jokes, insulting each other.
	I love when you stand there and then just kind of pontificate a racial podium.
	Yeah.
	And then we're all just quiet and somber.
	Yeah, there's no chairs.
	First of all, there's no chairs.
	There's no one sitting down.
	Never private.
	But even Knights of Columbus meetings, as a knight, I'm not allowed to tell you what goes on at these things, but it's not like a padland.
	Thank you, sir.
	May I have another?
	At all men's clubs, the central focus is beer.
	Always.
	At the beginning, you walk in, have you got a beer?
	You have a beer when you leave.
	The recycling is like bursting.
	And there's no blacks, Mexicans.
	That's another annoying thing.
	Well, there are blacks and Mexicans.
	Yeah, there's plenty of blacks and Mexicans in the audience.
	They made them all white.
	Meanwhile, I bet everyone involved in Ray Donovan, or I should say anyone involved in these people's lives is all white.
	But I thought, every time I see these, I think, who wrote that episode?
	And it was written by two playwrights, New York City playwrights.
	And one of them is a black girl who grew up white and obviously feels guilty about it because all her friends are white.
	And what those kind of people do, like Jordan Peele, is they really up the black thing in order to make everyone recognize that I'm not a sellout.
	I'm super black militant.
	So she did this play called Without Skin or Breathlessness.
	This is the woman who wrote that.
	Two women.
	Tanya Barfield and what's her name?
	Laura Banks.
	I can't see you.
	People like us.
	People like us.
	Say something.
	This is who wrote that radon of an episode you just saw.
	are allowing radicals to write mainstream action shows because of political correctness, because of affirmative action.
	Do you want some hot dogs again?
	How about Kentucky Fried Chicken?
	Can Marvin come over and play?
	Wheels.
	By the way, this is a thing lazy people do where they just do a one-woman play about her life.
	So she just did a bunch of me search and she's presenting it as research, like Michelle Obama's book, Becoming Michelle.
	me I saw that girl.
	The other girl?
	The blonde girl.
	This Whoopi Goldberg did the exact same thing.
	She walks around dressed exactly like that, and she has a dress shirt on her head.
	And she talked about when I was a little girl, I wanted long blonde hair.
	And I would put a shirt on my head and say, I got long, beautiful hair.
	And all the white people are sitting in the audience who paid $80 a ticket, just going, she's so talented.
	Oh, what poor black girls must have gone through.
	This sucks.
	And the husbands go, I cannot believe I fucking ended up here.
	I see this name that I think I recognize because it said the Ann Frank House.
	Who Gilbert used to be Lil Wayne?
	I'm going to go check the pan out.
	And then the other girl is, what's her name?
	Bethany?
	Oh, no, Laura Marks.
	Laura Marks, not Banks.
	Bethany is the play.
	And it's the same shit.
	This is who's writing your TV shows.
	Under the sink?
	No, never under the sink.
	Not even if you have one of those little door latches.
	Absolutely, because kids are smart.
	They figure out how to open those things up in about two minutes.
	Who recorded this?
	The audio's shit.
	You couldn't hook up to the soundboard?
	So this is about the black.
	This is a white woman writing about the black struggle.
	Don't get upset on me.
	And they get these corny, frumpy, feminist playwrights to handle the show and make it all about white guilt and the imminent mega apocalypse of anti-Semitic racism.
	Look, we just showed you the anti-Semitism.
	It's Islam.
	Okay?
	And if you're really desperate to find racism, you may want to check in on South Central and Mexicans and blacks down there.
	We're not really involved.
	And the whole fucking white genocide thing.
	I'm so sick of hearing that.
	The white genocide thing is sort of like homosexuality, wherein there's this assumption that anyone right of center is petrified of gays and what they get up to.
	And oh my God, it's so horrible.
	And at the end of the day, they're just like, yeah, I guess it's a thing.
	Well, how do you feel about being a minority in 30 years?
	I don't know.
	Well, 30 years, I'll be dead.
	But my kids aren't white.
	I'm not really, it's not a thing, but I guess it might be bad.
	Aha, that's your obsession.
	You probably have big seminars at a podium.
	This is why we got to put up Otoya Yamaguchi speech tonight.
	Okoya Tamaguchi speech.
	It's Sensing So Crazy.
	It's a crazy, eh?
	Because we're going to be kicked off YouTube tomorrow.
	So I'm going to put that up tonight, and hopefully it gets stolen.
	And that's going to be Sensing So Crazy.
	That's true.
	All right, I think we're done.
	Oh, oh, oh, that's so disgusting.
	Oh, I should cut it off there, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And you could show that for like Cardi B. Oh.
	Cardi B's explosive diarrhea.
	You didn't show your face once this entire episode.
	Literally once.
	Wait, did I not?
	No, I previewed it, and then I was like...
	Okay.
	It's weird when you talk and people don't see you.
	And why are you recording video shit when you're at work?
	Trying to make one of our little drops.
	I know, but you do that on your own time.
	Not when we're live.
	But how fun would it be to have the one that we just talked about right there on the show?
	It's like, oh, it's quick.
	And why is your camera including everything in the background?
	1, 1,002, 1,003, 1,004.
	Look how long it takes him to figure shit out.
	Alright.
	That's enough.
	We'd like to end with a fun video.
	Let's end with the most beautiful headbutt.
	You know that song?
	The most beautifulest thing in this world.
	This is the most beautiful headbutt I've ever seen in my life.
	2-8.
	Oh.
	What are you doing?
	I clicked 31.
	Well, we've already shown 31.
	Sorry, folks.
	This is taking.
	Again, you just show, yeah.
	Okay.
	What's he beating her with?
	Wait, go back to the beginning.
	Is that a newspaper rolled up really tight?
	Looks like it.
	Or is it like a piece of wood or something?
	I think it's got to be a newspaper.
	Yeah, it's got give.
	But you don't fall to the ground when you're hit with a newspaper, do you?
	Oh, geez.
	So he's smacking her in the head.
	Not the first guy, but look at this.
	Boom.
	That was a headbutt.
	Yeah, watch it again in slow motion.
	Boom.
	It's such a brilliant move, too, because you hit the guy, and now you're both in the air, and then you land on him.
	Wow.
	So he's got a concussion.
	He maybe hit his head on the ground, but now you're still in control.
	Boom, Bob.
	That's the sweet spot, too.
	Is that not a better solution than filming someone and calling security and filing some paperwork?
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.

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