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Nov. 13, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
58:41
S02E86 - RIDICULOSITY
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Time Text
I don't know where I'm going, but I know what I'm showing.
Feeling that's what I'm pulling.
What the fuck is your motive?
And I wish you were yo, what's up, New York City and beyond?
Fucking Australia, UK, Germany, Canada.
Hey, oh, drinking pea, riding my skateboard.
Hanging out with a giant black dude who's my best friend.
What is with these small rich men and their giant black friends who are paid to be there?
It's a weird thing.
I've seen a lot of white dudes do that.
Like there was this rap label DEF CON that I used to work with.
And the main guy, the owner, clearly just started the label so you could hang out with black dudes.
And you could tell the black dudes were sort of like, yeah, you're the owner of the label.
I'll hang around.
But we don't text each other.
You know, it's weird too.
Yeah, there's a guy who just photographs, like, two of my friends just photograph black people.
That's so weird.
Mostly rappers, yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, isn't it just as racist to cherish a group as to denigrate them?
It's demeaning because it's itemizing people.
Thanks.
Philosopher Dunce.
Speaking of which, I was talking to some people about Stephen Miller last night because I'm still looking for the horrible thing he did.
And I was told through a friend of a friend that he can't go outside.
Like he's holed up in his house, permanently ruined by the SPLC because a slew of emails were discovered that shows him never saying anything good about people of color and bitching about immigration constantly and saying, you mean to do this and that, and it sounds like white nationalism.
And they sort of couch it.
They say like, appears to be a white nationalist and stuff like that.
And in a lazy and curious time, we go, oh, okay.
Here's a minor detail I didn't mention yesterday.
The emails were to the immigration reporter at Breitbart.
So yeah, they were all about immigration.
And I'm sorry I didn't talk about how funny Richard Pryor is or how dope Tyler the Creator is.
That was Tyler the Creator, by the way, doing the opening song.
But that's not really pertinent.
So I bet if you read any immigration reporters' emails at a conservative site, you're going to see a very anti-immigration sort of trend.
Look at how they, look at me, see that collage?
Bright bars.
It honestly looks like something Pat Dixon made.
Yeah, and you see in the corner there, you can kind of see the blood of the swastika, the red, and children just trying to get to a better life.
I mean, it's sinister propaganda is what it is.
That looks evil.
It looks like they stole it from...
So that's what they do now.
It's grotesque.
They just end people.
They did it to me, done it to Stephen Miller.
Anyone who gets in the way of the SPLC, and they're doing this, by the way, to fight hate, which is why you've seen so many articles about them from them, about the Aryan Brotherhood, for example.
Is there a conspiracy about him being Roy Cohn's son or something?
Apparently there is because I Googled it and it came up.
I don't care.
I don't care who is whose son.
But yesterday we were also...
Remember we were talking about that 18-year-old boy's butthole?
Please don't take that out of context.
I didn't realize it, but some viewers wrote in and said, dude, she's making fun of the T.I. thing.
Yes.
So T.I. was on the news because he has the gynecologist check his girlfriend his 18-year-old girl's hymen, which may or may not be true, by the way.
I didn't see the actual context, but that could be the kind of thing you say where you're like, yo, I'm worried about my daughter.
I don't want her having sex.
She's got to stay a virgin.
Every time I go to the gynecologist, I say, check that hymen.
It's like Tracy Morgan.
Somebody's getting pregnant.
Imagine that was a headline.
Tracy Morgan claims he will be impregnating the woman at a television station during a morning news show.
The woman was not available for comment.
But my joke, my message still stands.
I missed the joke.
That is true.
But can you go to the tweet?
It'd be kind of hard to find.
It'll be in yesterday's notes.
Oh, gotcha.
She's making a joke about an 18-year-old's tender little butthole.
And my point was, we only have one offensive joke area where you're allowed to be offensive, and it's children and sex.
So that tends to permeate modern comedy, Twitter, stand-up comedy, SNL, that kind of stuff, movies.
And when it's not surrounded with other stuff, it feels incongruous.
So just because I didn't get the joke doesn't really matter.
My point was these types of jokes are really sticking out like a sore thumb in the era of thought policing.
Trying to remember, what was that under?
Didn't I send it to you as a picture separately?
Yeah.
I think I airdropped it to you as a picture.
True that.
Got it.
On it.
Oh, Jesus.
There it is.
I miss being Canadian.
You could be so much lazier with your pronunciation.
Yeah, there it is.
There's that tweet there.
Fucking Anna Dresden there shooting the shit there, talking about her 18-year-old son going to the doctor every day.
Fucking Alan Shuckbe still has a gorgeous tight little beanhole, right?
By the way, Anna, I don't know if you know this, but boys and girls are different.
A woman's chastity is more valuable than a man's.
When we find out a teacher slept with a 16-year-old boy and she's hot, the dads tend to high five.
I'm not going to pass judgment on that.
When it's a male teacher and the girl is 16, someone's getting knifed in the parking lot.
And by the way, why would his beanhole be in jeopardy?
Well, I guess even worse than that, she's saying that she has a gay son, right?
Well, not worse.
I mean, that's you know, it's fine, of course.
But yeah, are we supposed to pretend that a gay's a gay teenager's chastity is as valuable as a woman's?
I mean, they're going to have, what, 50,000 partners over the course of a lifetime in every SCD known to man?
Sometimes several partners a day.
I mean, you see that in gay pride.
A big part of gay pride is we fuck all the time.
Watch, we're doing it now.
If a woman did that, she'd be known as a whore.
And that's not because of conditioning and sexism.
That's because women make babies.
And if a million men have sex with them and we don't know who the fathers are, society ceases to exist.
And those children have horrible lives.
This one seems kind of woke.
I feel like models would be bad at parallel parking, not because they're pretty, but because they're 12.
Yeah, I should say, I don't like policing jokes.
In fact, the reason I brought up her butthole joke was to say, stop policing jokes because you're only allowing one category and it looks weird.
Let all the offensive jokes back in.
Let me back on Twitter, please.
When I first got booted off of Twitter, people would come up to me and go, how you holding up?
Well, since I got cancer and it metastasized and I have a week to live?
Or because I got kicked off of a social media app?
Yeah.
I'm getting through it, getting through it.
Making silly quips isn't happening as often as it did.
Anyway, important news item.
We were making fun of Gene Simmons yesterday, and we caught a clip of him putting makeup on his daughter, kiss makeup on his daughter.
And we thought, oh, she's aged gracefully.
We saw her with that reality show a few years ago, and now she's working for, I don't know, Cosmopolitan Magazine or something.
And then we did a bit of hunting because we're intrepid reporters.
We research for this show.
We've done our homework.
And we noticed that she is...
You're watching Cosmopolitan.com.
And today, my favorite.
What possibly a nine?
Guys, get a Jew.
Look at that perfect nose.
They say black don't crack and white and crackers crack.
Jews don't really crack.
And I've known older Jewish women, my friends who are married to them.
The libido just keeps on going.
So I would recommend a Jew.
Look at this smoke.
Now, obviously, Gene Simmons is hideous, and he married a supermodel, so it's not going to be bad.
But look at her shape.
Look at that stuff.
What would you say she is, Mr. Weird Picky Guy who always likes?
Well, I think she is.
That's not true.
I like Brunettes just as much.
Even more so, actually.
She's a, I mean, an 8-point something.
Yeah.
That's an 8.4.
Yeah, 9 felt a little...
Yeah, 8.3 or 4.
8.3 or 4?
Yeah.
It's sub 5.
And now that changes things.
That butt, can we get back to that butt?
That butt, I've never felt this before.
I want my face on those cheeks so bad that I got mad at my face for not achieving that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm mad at my face.
Like, I want to fuck you, face.
Why can't you do that?
Bad face.
It's a waste of face.
I'm mad at my face.
It's like if you saw a cobra in a cage with a mouse and it wasn't eating it, I go, what the hell's the matter with you?
Took care of that.
Oh, I see.
Defective.
It's defective.
Imagine that those buns were in your life.
I sent you, what was that?
Oh, yeah.
Her Instagram.
Or I think, what did I, I sent you the Maxim.
But if you check her Instagram, something horrible has happened to her.
Yes.
She has decided that she's a disgusting fat pig.
She ruined it.
And she's turned herself into the 12-year-old models we were just hearing about.
I don't think I put it in the notes.
I got it.
It'll come up.
And there's these pictures of her losing weight.
And you're just standing there as a heterosexual man going, no.
What have you done, you fool?
You dummy.
Just Sophie tweet Simmons Instagram, dunce.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Because I actually had the picture.
I don't care.
It'll be in the Instagram and that shows us more variety.
You're so fucking lugubrious.
Oh, okay.
Let me try to find it.
You know what you should do on your off time?
Just Google stuff.
Like, look up, hey, an albino fox.
See how long it takes you.
Practice.
Where are you going now?
Okay, let's see some.
I had a good before and after.
Oh, my word.
Look at that middle Polaroid.
What the hell is going on with you?
Whoa.
What else do we got?
Slow poke.
Oh, her hair is so healthy because she's been rich her whole life and she's been eating a lot of French food with butter in it.
So she doesn't look too skinny there.
No, there's that before and after I pulled up.
Oh, no, no, no.
She's got that kind of face too that's perfectly made for plumpness.
You need this before and after here.
And when you wreck it with losing weight, now your big full lips and your sort of these eyes and your cheeks and everything, I mean, she was this hot, if you can believe that.
That all just looks extraneous.
I call this the travesty of our times.
Look at, she became ugly.
Yeah.
And by the way, you're not pretty when you come out of the water.
You're all wet and cold and stuff.
She looks fucking fantastic in that first before pick.
And the second one, hi, I'm back at the hotel.
Skinny now.
Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, woman.
She squared up.
Zoom out of that a bit.
Okay, that ass should be in the news.
And then the new ass is my dad's ass.
Oh, that reminds me.
My death has.
Wow, her test got way smaller too, by the way.
But she has that gap now.
Yeah, hold on.
So anyway, don't lose weight.
You turned yourself from an 8.6 to a, I'm going to say a 6.
Yeah, that's it.
Oh, shit.
I got to go.
6.4?
hold on a sec.
I was looking at a picture of Post Malone, and he has a butt diarrhea on his neck.
No.
Yeah.
That's weird.
It really is.
That's ridiculous-osity, wouldn't you say?
Um isn't that kind of ridiculous tenocity?
It is ridiculousness.
But uh check out so what it is is it's a well here.
You got the picture yet?
I just emailed to you this second.
Oh.
Oh, you're the king of oh oh oh.
I didn't know.
You didn't tell me.
You just told me.
There.
Okay.
So what it really is, is I think it's that he's Texan or something or southern.
He's from upstate New York.
So it's a skull of a cow.
But if you don't look at the horns, you see my dad's ass having explosive diarrhea all over his Adam's apple.
A bucket of hot diarrhea.
I do see that.
Which reminds me, okay, let's But let's start, before we do get ridiculous, with this dude.
Oh, I just wrecked it.
I'll blank it out.
The power of editing.
Let's start with this.
This is in Queens.
Jamaica.
If it was a white dude, it would be all about white violence and stuff, but it's a black guy, so it's all about the street it is.
It's in Jamaica, Queens.
It's in the area.
But check this out.
Get off the bus, yo!
Get off the bus!
oh my god There's no way to treat a kid.
No, it's mean.
Okay?
That's not a kid.
Stupid fucking fundamental.
Oh, no.
That's not a kid.
She's trying not to laugh.
So that's well done.
Clearly fake.
But who paid for that?
Like, getting a school bus is no easy feat.
You know what?
Maybe.
I think you don't have to have a school bus.
You just dress your friend like a kid and make him go on the bus and then film the results.
So they're walking around Queens looking for a bus?
That's Detective Shitty Strikes again.
All right.
Let's catch up on some dope-ass videos with our new hit show, Ridiculositiness.
Don't try to be too cool or not cough.
Cause I want you like the gun.
Walk, fuck that.
Okay, say, get it.
Fuck that.
Okay.
Yo, what's up, fucking Ollie?
Welcome to Ridiculosity, where we catch up on some videos that aren't quiet, that are toad, that are the GOAT.
You're going to watch them and be like, dead.
They're super mad.
I said all the ones on my list there.
A hype.
Hype's old, isn't it?
Okay, let's just go.
I've been accumulating these videos.
We tend to show one at the end of the show.
Yo, that ain't enough, yo.
I got mad examples.
You want to check out all the symbos in these videos?
So I don't know what order they're in, but let's just check out the first one.
Together, and we'll be all hyped and freak out and go, yo, when the person slips away from the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a horrifying random attack.
Yeah, for this one, though.
A bucket of his diarrhea.
I didn't want it to be in my mouth, but it was running down my eyes.
For over a year, the NBC4i team has been tracking crimes where the...
Oh, yeah, look at this.
Jesus, stop, stop, stop.
There's too much going on, yo.
When I first saw this story, I was honestly happy to see that he's in LA.
It's a weird feeling to have to go, whew, he can't get me in New York because the diarrhea man's not going to get on a plane.
He doesn't have a plane ticket.
But you know, something is horrific when you're happy that it's 3,000 miles away.
I know you've seen it.
This was viral yesterday, but pouring hot diarrhea in her face.
And I like how they're all serious about this event.
And obviously, if you're the woman, then yeah, it is fucking serious.
But how could they not be laughing?
100% of the people who heard this story were laughing.
And you know what's funny?
I have like a mental shit list of everyone who's fucked me over, and I swear I'll get them one day, but it'll probably be a long time.
And I've always thought, worst case scenario, when we're 80 at an old age home, I'll come up to them with like a large pint glass of diarrhea and just when they're on their deck chairs go, that was for 1994 when you sued me.
And he is obviously catching up on his literal shit list.
She must have crossed him somehow by not giving him enough change.
These guys are just cleaning up their shit list.
Okay, go ahead.
Tonight we have learned those incidents are skyrocketing.
Like you've seen reporter Joel Grover running.
Look, he went right over their heads.
That one is brutal.
He didn't get his head run over, though.
That looks like the same guy in the same spot.
Keep your eye on the woman walking out of this apartment building.
A homeless man approaches and suddenly smacks her in the house.
By the way, just pause.
This is a trick that the news does where they want to show ridiculosity, but they don't want to look base.
So they'll say, this is a serious crime web going on, and it's our problem with the way we deal with mental health.
Anyway, we're going to show you that same bitch getting hit in the head 10 times and then once in slow motion because we think it's cool too.
But it's a crisis.
Over to you, Larry.
There are now thousands of crimes a year left.
They've already showed this the three times.
The suspects are homeless and in many cases suffering from mental illness or substance Abuse.
It's so traumatic.
Heidi Van Tassel was walking to her car near Hollywood's Walk of Fame when, according to police and court records, a transient with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders dumped species all over her.
It wasn't a transient, it was a businessman.
It was a banker with a PhD in gross.
Go back.
I shouldn't have talked over her.
She talks about it coming off her eyes.
Yeah, it was liquid, hot liquid.
I was soaked, and I couldn't see it was coming off of my eyelashes into my eyes.
Paramedics rushed her to the hospital, and she now needs to be tested for infectious diseases every three months.
It's something I won't ever forget.
It was, I mean, it was disgusting.
Yeah, that's clear.
By the way, guys, if you want to buy low and sell high, and she's out of your league, meaning you're kind of ugly, this would be a good time to go for her because there's not a lot of competition for at least the next two weeks.
Sort of like Monica Lewinsky, maybe two months after that whole shit went down, would have been a great time to get in there.
The eagle seeks his prey.
That's how I met my wife.
She was depressed after a wedding and she had broken up with some guy after five years.
And I was just like, kawaia, kawaa.
The eagle seeks his prey.
It's talons snatch.
All right, so that's enough of diarrhea face.
Oh my God.
She's going to have that nickname, right?
Like, you know, you realize when she walks into a bar, if she has like a local bar, they'll go, that's the diarrhea girl.
That's the diarrhea chick?
Yeah.
Katie Bengelson is the girl who had the bucket hot.
Oh my God.
I want to ask her about it.
Don't.
She cries every time.
And then people maybe will want to be your friends because they'll want to hear the story.
I bet she could feel the chunks.
I bet she could feel like a ray of sunshine, but it was a ray of cornshine just dripping down her cheek and maybe just like popping off.
I think it's mad cool that she said, she added, she will never forget that.
Yeah, I'll never forget it.
Hey, did you have a bucket of hot diarrhea poured on your head?
Did I?
Did I, did I, did I?
You mean like a bucket, like a homeless man bucket with boiling hot diarrhea that would be running off my eyelashes?
I don't think.
Oh, I did.
Yes, I did.
I don't remember if it was hot, though.
Three days ago.
Could have been warm.
Homeless man, drenched, drenched.
Even if you're at the ER and that guy, she shows up and she's like, hi, I need.
I'd say, we need an outdoor hose, please.
Like, I don't want you in my hospital.
Even as a health person, it can't be good to have.
We're not India.
We can't have diarrhea particles everywhere.
It's not healthy.
Okay, what's next?
Oh, this one I'm a huge fan of.
It deserves, it needs no narration.
Let's just let it be.
Oh, that didn't play so smooth, dude.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
On my computer, he's like, stop the ride.
Stop the ride right now.
I'm shooting.
And he just vanishes.
But the play, the frame rate is a bit annoying.
Let's see here.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, that one was better.
You know, if I was the guy working on that ride, I really am doing it.
I was making fun of Ridiculosity, but this is Ridiculosity.
It's funny when you start out making fun of something and then you are it.
Yeah, I think if the guy worked there, if I was him, I'd take your break now.
That guy's going to be delirious when he gets back.
So I would go get some cotton candy and egg cream and have a cigarette, maybe let that die down a bit because he's going to be ballistic.
Can you imagine being next to him on the ride as he was freaking out the whole time?
That's like my favorite.
We could do a whole segment.
Actually, we will.
We will do a whole segment on slingshots.
I love slingshots.
I don't really like seeing little kids on them because they freak out.
And old people handle it a little too well, especially really old people.
They're just like, well, this is very scary.
But people fainting, African Americans seem to be very dramatic on it.
Guys fainting next to their girls is really hilarious.
But that's a whole other segment.
Actually, you know what, Ryan?
Let's live life on the edge.
Find me a slingshot fainting when we're live on the show.
This is the way we do shit.
This is how we do it.
You can tell my references are pretty modern, huh?
Salt and pepper.
I was about to make a sling blade reference.
I got a sling blade passing out.
That's not ridiculosity, dude.
That's not dope.
My bad.
Oh, the reason I brought this up, though, is one of my favorite things about sling blade videos, slingshot videos is when they go, just pause, pause, pause.
When they go, oh, okay, you want, and then they're freaking out.
And then the guy goes, there's something wrong with your seatbelt.
Your seatbelt's not right.
And they go, what?
What?
And then they start checking.
Then they go, ka-chung, foom, and send them off.
But let's see who freaks out more.
We'll use this to summarize both races for eternity.
Anecdotal evidence pertaining to brilliant people.
I think the black guy's going to go.
Yeah.
Oh, this is great when they wake up and then start screaming.
Oh, this is the classic one, yo.
Yeah, this is one of the best ones.
You're just...
Ah, shit!
No!
He's made it about three times so far.
You okay?
You okay?
Oh, don't hold his hand, dude.
Shit.
So we're going to buy this.
Okay, that's enough.
Anyway, these guys have a sense of humor.
You'll notice there's a sense of humor lacking in most of these videos.
Like, we're talking to Miss Diarrhea bucket about what happened to her face and being super serious about it.
But at least when you watch those slingshot videos, people are laughing their heads off.
All right, what do we got next, Rygai?
What's the next ridiculosity, yo?
Because if it's going to take a while, I'm just going to ollie around on my deck.
Oh, no, that won't be necessary.
Did you see the guy I'm making fun of, Rob Drydeck, when he had this show, Robin Big, and when he was around Big, his black bodyguard, his black friend that he bought, he would be way more down, yo.
And then now that he has his other shows, he's more like, hi, I'm not really as black as I am when I'm around a black guy that I bought.
That's whack.
Yo, that's whack.
Whatever happened to the black dude?
He died, actually.
He did.
He's a big fat dude.
He lost the weight and died.
But him and Rob had a falling out because he wanted more money because Rob had all this shit on the back end.
And the black dude didn't appreciate that.
Don't panic.
You're going to be able to do that.
And this black dude don't appreciate water and giant fish.
What kind of fish is that?
Six shot?
Six shot.
Yeah, I like six.
The gram.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, if it's for the thumbnail.
Thumbnail, bro.
Just hop on it.
Hop on it.
Oh, no, no, hey, I don't think I'm going to float.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
Get me out.
Get me out.
Give me a hit.
Has he never been in water before in his whole life?
How do you not know that we're not stones at that age?
Like, I get the concept if you just landed on Earth and you go, wait a minute, my feet sunk.
My whole body's going to sink.
But then you try it when you're two and you go, oh, I have a life jacket on.
Or even if you don't, you float.
Does anyone, they always say that some people float, some people sink.
Does anyone just get in the water and go, no, it's hard to sink.
You have to breathe all your air out.
And like when we go scuba diving, you need a weight belt to get down there.
And then also when people kill each other in the mob and stuff, they have to like puncture their organs so that way.
That's why they got cement shoes and shit when someone's a snitch.
They sleeping with the fishies.
No, no, no.
Please don't let them know.
No, no, no.
You're good, bro.
You're sure?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not.
I've seen this a million times.
You're good.
Bro, please.
I promise.
You're good.
Let me get it with you.
I'll get it with you.
Hold on.
Look, look, look.
Hold me slowly until I float.
Okay.
Let's go.
You got the lights back on, man.
You're good.
You're good.
No, no, no, no, no.
You're good.
I'm floating.
You're good.
No.
Hold on.
You're floating right now.
Hold on to the fish.
This fixes Lee.
Here we go.
Oh, yeah.
I think I would freak out, though.
I remember one time in Costa Rica, I had a place there, and there was this porch that was totally open.
And it was pretty cool.
You'd leave a mango there, and you just see a monkey go and run away.
And one time there was this crab there, a really fluorescent big crab, and it was standing there.
And I thought, I want to catch it.
Maybe I'll put a towel on it, right?
And as I got closer, it just went, and I went, holy fuck.
And to this day, my wife teases me and says, I'm scared of crabs.
Told the kid that the kids that dad is scared of crabs.
But when a strange-looking animal moves quickly, I don't care if it's a chiquada.
It freaks you out.
So I'm not defending that guy when he was getting in the water, but post-Wiggly fish, we're on the same page.
All right, what other ridiculosity do you got?
Yo.
Dang.
We got managerial issues.
Oh, isht.
Okay, this is awesome.
I ain't done.
I'm a woman.
What's up?
Okay.
On my side.
What's up?
I ain't got shit.
I ain't got shit.
What's up?
Just pause.
So the more, what's the word I'm looking for?
Diminutive lady there.
It was a shoplifter.
She was caught.
And at Staples, in certain neighborhoods, they kick your ass if you're caught stealing.
So that other woman in the red sweatshirt, she has a Staples uniform underneath.
She's the manager who's about to open up a can of whoop ass on this bitch.
Get in my coat.
I ain't got shit.
Uh-oh.
Get in my coat.
I ain't got shit.
You're stuck now.
Fucking I stuffed you stole.
Right.
Is she trying to leave with the stuff she stole?
That's Eric.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Fuck the fuck up.
Going down.
Everything is on camera now.
Every event is on camera.
I think we have another freak out.
That's the crazy thing about in the hood.
A lot of people don't oblige by their dress code, so they're undercover at the same time and the security guard.
Oh, which is totally hype.
Yeah, that's maybe why that bitch got caught stealing because the manager was disguised.
Oh, this is a great one.
This is some tempers like I've never seen before in my life.
Okay, so just to set the stage here, this obese woman here wants to return some pants and buy a shirt.
But I don't believe she has the receipt for the pants.
And I'm sorry, you can't just come in here with some pants and expect money.
So she wants her pants back and she wants the shirt.
It's not that clear exactly what she wants, but I think we're on this woman's side until, of course, she completely loses it.
Get your pants and go!
I want my shirt.
I told you you ain't getting shit.
I want my shirt.
Say, I'm like, I'm a little bit of a shit.
You ain't put your shot.
Now say, get this pants, because you already know.
You already know.
Can you just pause?
Get your out of here.
Like, you were talking about that fight you had upstate with that guy.
Yeah.
You guys weren't yelling that loud.
I don't think I've ever in my life yelled at someone that loud, including Antifa and, you know, major battles.
Maybe for a joke.
That is full-on freaking out, losing your temper on both sides.
They are both at 10.
They're both keeping it 100.
It's almost like that's a fight of its own.
I mean, I've been that mad personally and punched a hole in the wall, but like two people on 10, you don't see that that often.
Not at the family dollar.
Fuck outta here.
What's good?
What are her bangs?
Just like a little dupe?
Like that fish that attracts people with its light?
That might be a bandani.
Oh.
In solidarity with Anglo Fish.
Angler Fish.
That's what they call it.
I'm refusing to corporate.
I can refuse sale to anyone.
Where's the sign?
Where's your sign?
Where's y'all sign?
Where's your sign?
You working with me on the screen.
That's okay.
I'll send this to corporate.
I've been recording the whole time.
I'll send it to corporate.
God.
We've become a nation of tattletales.
Just have an argument.
Scream it out.
Wait, what's going on in the corner there?
She's holding her back?
Maybe they're thinking it's a good time to steal or something.
Ooh.
That looks weird.
That looks suspicious.
That's a suspicious huddle.
That's pisnicious.
Yeah.
I don't want to go spilling tea, but it looks like they're up to no good.
You could spill tea.
Okay.
Tea spilled.
They're doing something shady.
Okay, now she's fully lost her temper.
Ain't nobody talking to you!
Help me, I'm just saying!
God, the drama.
Look at her.
And the other woman, like, when someone has lost their temper that much, you go, geez, I better get out of here.
But the other woman's just like, fuck you, bitch.
Mid-temperate.
Don't you kind of wish that both sides were unleashed?
Yes, I do.
Although every girl fight is just hair pulling and let go of my hair and blah, blah, blah.
I'm telling you, if you live in a poor neighborhood in America, shave your head bald if you're a woman and you will win every fight in the world.
It's sort of like when we were kids, we had this game.
Something about Canada meant that about half the kids were circumcised and half weren't.
I guess because there's so many British immigrants.
I have a foreskin.
And so we would split into teams and fight each other.
And we would say, the call for the foreskin guys was, Awa!
Awa!
And you'd start forming in one side of the room.
And then the circumcised guys, their call was snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip.
So sometimes you'd look around the room and you'd go, wait a minute.
About eight of the ten people here, ten dudes, have British parents.
And then you just see this circumcised guy going.
Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip.
And so we're fighting, and you end the fight by yanking the guy's underwear.
You give him an atomic wedgie.
Everything ended with atomic wedgies when I was in high school.
Not just nerds.
We didn't actually wedgie nerds, come to think of it.
But we would rip off the waistband.
The waistband has to come all the way off.
So I get Paul down.
I'm winning.
And then I reach down to pull up his underwear.
And I'm just going, what the hell?
Where are these undies?
Where did they go?
And then I look at him and he's going.
He had beat the system.
He had outsmarted us by not wearing underwear.
So he had me feeling all around his buns, giving him a bun massage.
Can't wedgie me if I don't have underwear on.
Smart.
The dumbest thing you could do is wear boxers because they don't really wedgie or tear.
So you just cut your butt cheeks in half.
And then your waist is up here and your legs are five feet long.
No, not this one yet.
Let's go to the extras.
Because we're done that round, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Then let's check out the ridiculosity of the other ones that I sent you at the last second.
Yo.
Oh, this is a football player and a wrestler.
This is an important lesson that I've learned after watching approximately 9 million fights on the internet.
Got him.
Is that what they said?
Got him?
Yeah.
Got him!
Oh my God!
Look up!
You got him!
You got him!
No, he said, got him.
You're done.
They do say that, though.
Got him.
See, you sit there with boxing and you learn, oh, there's an uppercut.
You got to bend your knees, get up in it.
Oh, you might want to try the overhand.
Right.
That's really handy.
Everyone's talking about your hips and your legs and you got to twist your ankle and all this shit.
But the odds of you getting all that power and then hitting the target perfectly, kind of low, especially in a crazy street fight.
Almost without exception, every time someone picks a guy up and flips him down, it's the end of the fight.
And he's often knocked out.
So if you're ever in trouble, I would suggest picking someone up and throwing them down, assuming you're capable of that.
It's also humiliating to be picked up like a little kid and thrown away like a piece of garbage.
Oh, this one's a doozy.
I should have put this with the other.
So just pause.
So this guy, this guy snuck behind the counter or jumped over the counter because he was pissed off at them.
And they start fighting back.
This guy with the blonde hair, his pants, by the way, are so low, there's no way he can walk.
They're way below his balls.
But this guy should be a boxer because he takes about 100 hits to the face and is fine.
That should be the end.
Punch me down, punch me back up.
Then he comes back for more.
And they go, all right, we have more.
It's called this, this, this.
And he gets, I think he gets knocked unconscious there with a kick.
And then he gets knocked reconscious again.
They rebooted his hard drive.
So they're...
No, we're getting more.
Boom.
Look, he's got the opposite of a glass jaw.
He's invincible.
Those were like 10 knockout punches and kicks, and he's fine.
I've actually noticed a pattern here of employees at fast food places fighting back more.
Okay, is that it for the extras?
No, no, no.
There's that car thing, right?
Yeah.
All right, let's check this out.
Because this relates to the last one.
The last one is next.
No, no, the other car when I sent in the extras.
Oh.
Did we use up all the extras?
Yep.
Oh, maybe I didn't.
Did I not send it?
There's only two.
Damn.
What's it called?
Maybe I can find it.
I'm getting good at it, if you will.
No, we'll make it the last video of the show.
All right.
Yeah, check this out.
So this dude's pissed because someone done stole his weed.
I'm gonna suck the fuck out too, Brad.
I'll show you, bro.
I'm a weed.
They just took my weed up in this matchup, bro.
This guy with the black pants just pulled over this car because the guy in there stole his weed.
Now, I don't know what stole his weed means.
Maybe he took the money and just kept the weed or something.
He's winded because he jumped in and he punched the guy through the window or something.
And this guy is sort of like, so what?
I stole your weed.
Get over it.
Bruh.
Look, I'm not a judge, but maybe someone steals your weed.
You punch them in the face and then move on with your life and never see them again.
But this is just a little extreme.
I don't know.
What should you do if someone steals, I assume it's like 50 bucks of stuff from you and you can't call the cops?
Take his hat?
Retaliation is necessary.
Maybe.
Punch him, take his hat.
I don't know.
I'm petrified of condoning violence now because everyone goes to jail when I say it.
So they keep nattering on about this, right?
But I think the guy in the black pants went, all right, I beat you up.
I punched you a bunch of times.
I'm never getting the weed back.
Fuck you.
But this guy's got a very arrogant attitude, the weed thief.
And that's not a good attitude to have.
It's not about the weed, it's about the principles.
Yeah.
In the symbos.
There's like stealing your house or your car, and they're stealing some drug paraphernalia.
Darius, quit instigating.
Darius, quit instigate.
Typical Darius.
Darius, seriously, dude.
Okay, we should warn you, this is NSFW.
You're not going to enjoy it.
But just pause it here.
If someone is erratic, they've just fought you, their adrenaline is pounding, they do something weird with their car, get in your car, go out the passenger side, run around to the other side of your car.
These people aren't rational.
So I understand if you think you can take them and they don't seem to have a weapon and you're like, what?
What, bitch?
I guess I get that mentality.
But if they're armed or anything else, stand back.
Get the hell out of there.
What's with the arrogance when someone has...
Two tons?
When someone has a two-ton weapon aimed at you and you're like, what you gonna do, bitch?
I guess you know where this is going.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
We kind of have to see that again.
Okay, I will look away this time.
So it looks like he broke his left leg at best.
Probably crushed his hip.
I wish we had a doctor here.
It just crumples like a piece of paper.
Got him.
Oh.
I didn't look.
Oh my God.
What did you think was going to happen, dude?
Like, why'd you call his boss?
That guy's going to jail for a long time.
Isn't that attempted murder?
I would assume so.
Vehicular assault, maybe attempted manslaughter.
Maybe attempted manslaughter, yo.
And you saw it first right here on Ridiculacity-thacity.
Ridiculacity-thacity-thacity.
Pretty ridiculosis, huh?
Yeah.
Chronicles of Redick.
I'm Ric Diculous.
That's my character today.
You're like Vin Ridiculous.
Vin Ricdiculous from the Chronicles of Redick.
Ulossity.
Dope.
Those shows do really well.
I feel kind of differently now about him.
Deer Day?
Yeah.
Why?
What's up with my boy?
Well, I was making fun of him all day, but spending some time in his shoes, I'm kind of learning to like the guy.
It's a great business model.
It's a great business model.
It's so cheap.
You just call up the YouTube user and you go, hey, man, we'll pay you $300 for that.
You driving a boat through a dock and into your cottage, which costs you, you know, $20,000 and would cost us that much to stage.
So you get all this high-quality action footage of crazy shit.
And then you just have a set.
You don't probably don't pay the guests.
The studio audience is free.
Yeah, and if a YouTube viewer tries to hardball you, there's over 1,300,000 viewers on YouTube.
Wow, you only delivered that fast.
I'm trying to find the exact number of how many videos are on YouTube, but it would be going up and going up and going up.
We should talk about the imminent purge that's happening at YouTube.
December 10th, have you seen these warnings?
We are changing our terms and conditions.
Do you want to review or are you just okay with that?
And you go, what am I going to do?
I'm going to read your 32 pages of terms and conditions and then see something I don't like.
Like, if we find that something is considered hateful, then we will take it down.
Like, I don't like section 13, line two.
Strike it.
Also, if you're out of there, if you're not commercially viable.
So they've deplatformed everybody who they don't agree with already, and so they could just boot you for not making the money.
Well, I've been demonetized for a couple years now.
So am I making the money?
Are there ads when I play my videos?
No, I think you have to have AdSense.
Yeah, I don't have AdSense.
And they took away my AdSense and then told me that there's no way I could appeal.
I'm not eligible for appeal.
You know, I wasn't ever making that much money from YouTube.
I had How to Fight a Baby with 13 million views.
I got on that a little late, so I missed a good 10 million of them.
But I got maybe 2 million, so I think it's up to 14.
And then I had millions of other videos.
I always did pretty well, you know, 100,000, 20,000.
But my checks were like 300 bucks, $300,000 to $400 a month.
So I would just put it on my PayPal, and then I go on eBay and buy dumb shit like an old ashtray.
I told you this before.
I don't know.
I don't think I've heard that because I've always wanted to see if you were a hood rich at one point.
You just buy stupid stuff like I do when I'm not rich.
Well, it doesn't seem like real money, YouTube money, because it goes to PayPal and PayPal is just on the internet.
And then I'm banned from PayPal.
I'm missing the email here.
And by the way.
What email?
Did you send that?
Oh, did I not send that thing yet?
Yeah.
Also, I do apologize.
There was some keying issues, but you was on a roll, so I didn't want to spill no tea.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You had the doohickey.
It was fuzzies.
I didn't send you this video yet?
Jeez.
Come on, G-Dog.
So the video we were just talking about on my new hit show, Ridiculosity, is now being sent to Ryan.
This is why it's good to have your computer on your desk while you're doing the show.
So yeah, Lumerd.com has a big thing about YouTube.
I guess, hey, guys, take whatever you want off of there.
I already moved it all to BitChute.
I knew I was living on borrowed time anyway.
I don't know how many subscribers come from our YouTube plugs.
You know?
Yeah, who knows?
I should probably get the Ezra Levant 10 Things I Love About the Jews, the whole conversation up there.
That would be a good ad.
I would like that.
That would be good.
That's a good ad.
I love when he arrived.
He comes in just with like a bag and glasses.
And he said, ah, Ezra, still a nerd, I see.
So demeaning and funny.
We have a funny relationship because in every relationship, there's a Batman and a Robin.
And it just, you feel it naturally.
Like you're obviously Robin on Batman.
And at the boxing gym, I'm pretty much robbing coast to coast, right?
That's why they say good when I punch them in the face as hard as I can.
And breathe when I'm halfway through a round.
Rounds, by the way, I said they were two and a half minutes.
Our rounds are three mins.
Sheesh.
Oi, hey.
But when you go to a bar, do you become the Batman?
Like when they're in your turf?
Oh, that's an interesting question.
Sometimes a student becomes a teacher.
Yo, when you're in my hood, like when we did that Peaky Blinders pub crawl?
Exactly.
They all had like jeans on and one Peaky Blinders hat and then like sneakers.
Only three of us dressed up.
I showed you the picture.
And I had a perfect outfit.
There's only one guy that was in my league and he had a pocket watch that actually worked.
So I was kind of more of the Batman then.
Yeah.
Which is strange because it's kind of like when your little brother beats you up, all of a sudden Robin's running the show.
But anyway, when I'm with Ezra, it's a weird kind of a bat rob.
Yeah, I noticed that.
Bat rob.
Bat rob.
Because he's been my boss.
He's called me a shithead before.
But I'm also clearly cooler and much sexier.
I don't know.
Anyway, Jesus, we're taking a very long time.
Should we say anything more about the YouTube thing?
No, I'm going to be dead soon.
Well, this is all there is.
Of course, this is getting attacked on a daily basis.
We have InfoWars levels of wall after wall after wall just to keep this alive.
One important thing is I think they might be able to take away your whole Google account, yo.
Oh, that was it.
Ryan was saying that they take away your whole Google account, then they take away your whole cloud, and now the pictures of your kids from when they were one are gone.
I would migrate to elsewhere.
You definitely migrate to BitChute, but as far as your pictures go, I guess you got to get like a terabyte.
I have like, I would say a terabyte of pictures floating around.
No nudes, unfortunately, ladies.
All right, without further ado.
It's amazing how people correct me about that.
Jim Goad texts me.
He's like, it's further ado, dude.
Yeah, I know.
That's insulting.
Let's watch the video that we were talking about.
Oh, you want to end with that video?
Maybe it's a good end video.
Yeah, okay.
Well, then let's check out the mail B. Okay.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailback.
Let me touch it.
Anthony wants to know, thoughts on going vegan?
Gay?
Boring?
Stupid.
I was a vegetarian for 15 years, and one of the reasons I quit is I thought, I'm just eating soy powder with bacon flavoring on it for like all the faking and all the fake meat and stuff.
And you go, that's what they do with dog food.
They have sawdust with a little bit of protein, and then they dip it in some sort of bacon-tasting thing and trick the dog.
I'm a dog.
No.
Plus, it's very easy to get ethical meats like from Neiman Ranch.
So if you farm locally and you buy locally, I think the cow is having an okay life.
And here's another thing.
This whole idea of like, I'm doing my part, like I heard about this chick at some dive bar, the same chick who's trying to kick me out of the dive bar, by the way, harassing the owners for serving me.
She goes, me and my brother, of course it's not a husband, we are not, what is it?
We don't eat meat because we're concerned about greenhouse gases because we know cow farts are a thing.
Have you heard of a more irrelevant gesture?
Like, is it conceivable that there's a farmer somewhere who went, oh, well, can't buy as many cows this year because there's too many vegetarians?
Has that ever happened?
If you kill less cows, there's more cow farts.
What?
If you kill less cows, are not there more cow farts?
Yeah, well, that's another way to see it, too.
When you get that sort of macro with anything, it's hard to understand the mathematics of what they're doing.
For example, when someone says, we're not having kids, the world's overpopulated.
I got to make this graphic somehow.
Let's take 7.5 billion grains of sand, right?
And you were probably going to have, what, two, three kids?
Now take a picture of that.
Now go over and take the three grains that you were going to add to that.
Take them away.
How does your pile of sand look now?
And I have no idea what 7.5 billion grains of sand.
Maybe it fills up this whole apartment.
And you're taking away three grains of sand?
Thanks.
Thanks for coming out.
Same with the environment, with this like Canada's cracking down on their carbon footprint because they're responsible for 1.5% of the world's...
1%?
You're going to tax Canadians to death to get down to 1%?
Well, there's plastics in the ocean.
Yeah, that's not us.
That's China.
Is meditating gay?
Whatever works, dude.
It's not my cup of tea.
But if it works, like, boxing is my meditation.
That's my Irish therapy.
If it works for you to do it, fine.
I even feel the same way about Scientology.
How's that for controversial?
Dang.
I know, I'm told it's evil, but Joy Villa was a meth addict.
Her life was getting flushed down the toilet.
She got into Scientology, got her life together.
It worked for her.
And they say, well, they separate you from your family.
Actually, I don't want to defend Scientology.
Forget it.
I think it's more of the power of structure in that.
Yo, Gavin and Ryan, wondering who could beat who in an arm wrestling contest.
It'd be great to see it and show winner Gavin shave that fucking cow pie on Ryan's head.
You for sure.
Oh, I don't know about that, dude.
You're ripped.
It's nothing to do with ripped.
It's to do with leverage.
A lot of it's leverage.
Well, let's have an arm wrestle.
Okay.
Now, the key before you start is, it has to make a square.
Oh, I see.
That looks like a square.
Cool.
I'm kind of nervous.
I'm going to lose.
Well, I'm actually not nervous because I know I'm going to lose.
Robin can't beat Batman or he's fighting.
I might throw this.
I understand?
Okay, ready?
Don't throw it.
One, two, three, go.
Ah, shit.
Ah, shit.
I'm leaving.
I'm just going to wait for you to tire yourself out.
I worked out today.
It took a lot of weightlifting.
Fucking shit.
Fucking shit.
I'm going to park.
Are you kidding?
Oh, you fucker.
Yeah.
*laughs*
Were you toying with me?
No, I was just trying to...
We were in like that.
Oh, that hurt my heart.
We were like in a lightsaber.
Just nobody was budging.
Oh, my heart is pounding.
My arm feels weird.
I started to get kind of claustrophobic and hot.
Barfy.
As we were doing that, I was saying to myself, second we're done, I'm taking this fucking shirt off.
Your superpowers, your sounds were hilarious.
And I laughed and I was like, that's the end of me.
And I felt you actually exhale and I felt some room.
And when I heard you breathe, I was like, wait, I'm breathing too.
And I was like, let me take the opportunity to not breathe and try to finish this.
Okay.
Don't let anyone crap on you for an app or your shows.
I love everything.
But I want you to show the videos of you doing survivalist videos.
They're hilarious.
Don't know if that shoe company owns them or you do.
Can't you just look them up online?
That was something I was thinking because I'm looking around my house and I see a hundred hard drives.
I've saved everything over the years.
So I think I'll just load them up and it'll be a sketch show.
The Bees one is my favorite.
Yeah, that was mostly done in post.
Yes.
That was on my property upstate that my family made me sell because they didn't like it up there.
Wait, how do you make fun of my hair?
What's going on there?
You live and you learn, right?
Touche.
Touche.
Wait, that one's a pretty good one.
More like two.
Look at that one.
This was about how to start a fire in the woods and how to use the various techniques.
I got excited because I saw a bit of smoke and I overreacted.
You can't take the bait.
You can only stop doing what you're doing when you see flames and a lot of smoke.
I'm not going to make that same mistake again.
Still not stopping.
I'm not stopping until I see actual flames.
What the hell?
And nervous.
Really?
Yes.
Why did I get kicked out of comedy?
I'm funny.
Yeah, your other thing, what is it, the karaoke in the woods thing?
I don't know what that was, but that was hilarious.
Oh, yeah, that wasn't me.
That was the guys from Savvy Fav.
We're the start of the show, though.
Maybe in the clip you saw.
All right, boys, we're out of time.
Let's end on the video that I was talking about when we were totally peacing out with Ridiculosity.
And I didn't know arm wrestling was such a workout.
I'm a little winded.
This is the exact same, basically, as the video we showed you before, and the same lesson prevails.
Beware of cars.
Be wary of extreme force.
Why do I have to say that?
Yeah, people should just know that to be the truth.
What's the matter?
It's not playing?
No, it is.
No.
We are singing now.
Oh!
But she's kicking a car.
You better have, if you're going to kick someone's car, you should have an escape route.
And look, she gets, uh-oh, he's coming at me.
But even then, she's not getting out of the way.
And then, crunch.
She finally gets her leg injured.
Still not safe, though.
Getting the passenger.
You are exposed.
Is her leg broken?
Go back.
Go back.
It's not hard to break a leg.
Oh, actually, I saw it do the thing.
It bend the wrong way.
It did, right?
That seemed to bend the wrong way.
I'm curious to see it again, but I think it did bend the wrong way.
God, we're resilient, aren't we, as humans?
A car can run over our leg, and we're like, all right, I'll just put a cast on.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
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