Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #15 - TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME

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Oct. 3, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:58:17

GOML LIVE #15 - TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Music
	That was a record for how quickly you shut that off.
	Yeah, because it's sucked.
	You didn't let it drop.
	You know what that sounds like?
	It sounds like a Russian news show.
	And welcome back to Vladivostok, the only English-speaking Russian news channel in all of Shabringovic.
	We are here.
	Our budget is not fantastic.
	I'm not going to lie to you.
	The guy who makes our music also is co-host of show, also does lighting and everything.
	His name, he plugs his show whenever he can.
	Kurotki will get up to how many subscribers you have on YouTube.
	Kurotki, how many subscribers say English?
	He's English speaking show.
	Yes.
	3.69K.
	3.69K.
	That's metric.
	Metric numbers he gives about his...
	Yeah.
	You didn't hear it drop.
	Let's hear it drop.
	Okay.
	In air quotes.
	Here comes.
	Spooky.
	Yeah.
	Spooky.
	That slaps, as the kids say.
	Drop the beat.
	Oh.
	Boop, boop, boop.
	Yeah, you caught that.
	All right.
	Has it dropped yet?
	Is it dark in here?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And then it goes back to the chorus.
	You are a European.
	You're a European bob.
	Hey, you guys want to go down to the disco?
	We're having a total outside the rave party.
	Even though it's 2019, we're still totally raving, you guys.
	Why are you into rave?
	Do you go to Burning Man?
	No.
	Do you walk around with little fur boots?
	No, it's just because a little Jesus Christ loincloth and some fucking giant bullhorns on your head.
	Clearly, you're on a roll, so I'm not going to infest this with truth.
	Clearly, you're on a roll, if you will.
	The lighting's a little dim.
	That's my bad.
	We'll fix it and turn off the stupid AC.
	Hello, folks.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	It's a very special episode we have every Thursday.
	We go free.
	We're going to go free for the first, I don't know, 45 minutes or so right before we take calls.
	I'm going to cut you.
	Cut you off.
	And only people behind the paywall can watch the full show.
	You can watch the full show every fucking day if you subscribe to free speech.tv, 10 bucks a month.
	And if you use the promo code nothing at all, you can get it for $100 a year.
	And it's endless content.
	It's not just me.
	We got Soph here.
	We got Joe Biggs.
	We also have twice a month we have a special episode where we bring in a massive guest like, say, Cornell West and Candace Owens.
	And then we have Milo's show that I think we're going to move up to once a week.
	Although he ain't cheap.
	Those fancy lads from London, England tend to have a price that matches.
	Ezra Levant.
	There's all the different ones we've had.
	Roger Stone and Mark Lamont Hill and Michael Eric Dyson and Michelle Malkin.
	That was a good one.
	Gina Belafonte and Ann Coulter.
	Every time I see that, I get pissed off.
	Because after we were done, the discussion, which was so guarded and safe that it's not out of the park controversial, Ann goes, we should have talked about sex.
	And Gina's daughter is like 22 or something.
	Gina Belafonte, of course, is the daughter of Harry Belafonte.
	She grew up in the largest apartment in New York City.
	Really?
	22 rooms.
	Wow.
	I go, that's a hotel.
	Multiple floors, I'm guessing.
	Yes, Ryan.
	It didn't take up seven city blocks with weird glass bridges to each different block.
	Okay.
	And yeah, I didn't ask her about that either.
	And they could have talked about sex.
	Anne is fascinating when it comes to sex.
	She talks about the problem with all this consent is that men are too scared to go near you anymore.
	And in the old days, you could sort of go, woohoo, get your hands off me, you cad.
	And even if you stayed over at his house, the next morning, you could have the sheets up to your tits and be like, you're incorrigible.
	Oh, I never.
	And then go home and you're still chased.
	And he's the bad guy.
	Now, it's like, look, here's the deal.
	I'll fuck you third date.
	We'll do anal fourth date.
	I'll suck you ass.
	Third date.
	And you're like, eh, I really don't want to start making love to Vinnie Bombasito.
	I'm not horny anymore.
	So yeah, we'll be taking calls and things of that nature, as rappers like to say.
	But before we get started, I cannot.
	Let me just triple check.
	I got the right sponsors here.
	That's not very good.
	That's not very good podcasting.
	I cannot say enough about Bet DSI.
	We talked about the fight last Saturday with Spence and Porter.
	It wasn't the best fight in the world.
	Although, and I know I bully you when it comes to boxing, but look up the Spence-Porter fight outfits.
	Because I think it was Spence who was wearing a gold vest, articulated vest that looked exactly like, remember that Avengers where those aliens come down from outer space through a portal that I think Tony Stark opened up and the Hulk and everyone has to get together and punch the aliens in the face.
	So it's Errol Spence Jr. come-on outfit, I guess you'd call it.
	His was this vest that was made up of different sections and the back of it went down below his ass like a tail, exactly like those aliens I'm talking about.
	I got that pic right there.
	Is that not the vest?
	No, dude.
	That's a normal vest.
	We're already fighting very early on into the game.
	I think it was definitely not Porter.
	Or maybe it was Porter.
	Sean Porter, vest, Spence, fight, you know, keywords.
	And I bet on Spence on that fight.
	And the problem with these fights in LA is they go so long that they don't start until midnight New York time.
	So by the time that I was, they had come to a decision, I just sort of saw brown blobs on the screen.
	And I don't really remember even who won.
	I haven't even collected on this bet.
	I'm actually just remembering it right now.
	Okay, you're frustrating me.
	Sean Porter, the come on outfitty war.
	Can I just complain about Ryan for a little while?
	Last week we had a big fight where I said, do this video of you being Trump in the 80s and you as Trump in 2020.
	And then I look over and it says 80s Trump, Trump 2019.
	I said, no, no, no.
	I told you, right, Trump 1980, Trump 2020.
	Okay, got it.
	And then it comes out and it doesn't say that.
	And I go, what's going on?
	And he goes, well, it wasn't 2020.
	That was 2019.
	And he has excuses later.
	So you'll say something.
	He'll go, got it.
	No problem.
	And then you'll get the thing and it's the opposite of the thing.
	Like this morning, he goes, I'm going to go get breakfast.
	You want something?
	And he goes, what about, I go, let's skip basic.
	Let's just do our eggs, our cheese, our bacon.
	You know, I wish there was a McDonald's nearby.
	There is, he says, there isn't.
	So I go, let's keep.
	And he goes, what about turkey?
	I go, turkey's too adventurous for breakfast.
	Breakfast, your stomach's sensitive.
	You want to ease your way into it.
	I'm confused.
	What are you doing?
	I type sporter.
	I mean, Sean Porter Spence vest.
	Come on.
	Then I put Sean Porter vest.
	Then I put gold vest, maybe try it.
	Gold vest.
	Come on, music.
	Anyway, he goes, yeah, let's get some turkey.
	I go, turkey's too adventurous, dude.
	Your stomach isn't ready for an adventure until maybe 2 p.m.
	And he goes, all right, if I find this, I am going to stab you.
	I want you to find it and get stabbed.
	I want both of them.
	And I go, also, that boxing does not Google well.
	That place that we usually get our breakfast from, I think that's all illegals there.
	There's a new guy.
	He seems American.
	Let's go to him next door because I think the previous one went bankrupt because they couldn't compete with the low wages next door.
	Support local trade.
	Support American cafes.
	And he goes, okay, got it, boss.
	No turkey.
	Go to the new guy.
	Comes back, turkey sandwiches for everyone from the old illegal aliens place, which is now illegal to say in New York.
	And I go, that's why you're dumb.
	Because information doesn't go in.
	I used to know this dude who was pretty dumb.
	And we were talking about Bob Geldof, the singer of the Boomtown Rats.
	And we were wondering, my wife and I, how is he so rich?
	The Boomtown Rats had one hit, I Don't Like Mondays.
	And no other songs really went anywhere.
	And they were around in the 80s, back when you didn't really make that much money.
	So why is he rich?
	And then we looked it up on the internet.
	It turns out he was one of the pioneers of reality television.
	And he got involved not just in copywriting these various shows, but also in new media.
	And he caught the first reality TV wave.
	Gotcha.
	So my dumb friend's original theory was, it's because he's a sir.
	And I go, what?
	That's just some gay nomenclature that the queen gives you.
	All right, you're a sir.
	Go away, Sir Elton John, Sir Paul McCartney.
	You had some good songs.
	And we look it up.
	No, it's new media and reality TV, dude.
	And he goes, no, I think it's the sir thing.
	I go, wait a minute.
	You don't make money from being a sir.
	He goes, no, I think you get a stipend from the queen.
	I go, what are you, 10?
	I'm the Queen of England.
	I have big bags of money.
	Here's some money, sir.
	All my sirs get a big bag of gold coins every month.
	And the fact that he stuck to his sir thing after we had information is the same way Ryan sticks to his turkey in the morning.
	Or even his tukeys.
	He had too many tukis when we did that Puerto Rico.
	Too many tukies.
	Too many tukis.
	Too many turkeys.
	Not enough information.
	Coming up.
	This is from...
	I guess he's going for a gladiator thing?
	Are you not entertained?
	I bet on Spence.
	Can you just say who won?
	Wait, wait, keep going with that ridiculous vest and his ridiculous walk.
	What are you doing, dude?
	Do you think you're Caesar?
	It's really getting into the vest.
	By the way, if you're trying to get your wife into boxing, make sure you show her this part of the game.
	And she can see it's like Voguing and they're drag queens.
	And then she gets excited about the outfits.
	Especially Deontay Welder, who comes out dressed like Shredder, but encrusted in diamonds.
	You got to see the back of this thing.
	Anyway, this is all to start the Bet DSI read, so keep showing that, because I hope they show the back.
	Bet DSI offers betting options for everything.
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	So use your sports knowledge to make some extra cash this week.
	There it is.
	Yeah, you saw the Vago for a second there?
	It's like that hissing cockroach from Madagascar.
	Yeah, yeah.
	By the way, you'll notice in movies when they say, here's some roaches.
	I eat roaches.
	I'm a monster or whatever.
	It's always the Madagascar hissing cockroaches.
	Because those are the only ones you can buy online.
	Actual cockroaches that we have in our house, well, not me personally, you know, the lower classes.
	They look nothing like that.
	So, who won that fight?
	The fight that I watched every minute of?
	You really did?
	Yeah.
	I think Spence beat Porter.
	Spence beat Porter.
	You know, Spence, I think, is known as a boxer, and Porter is known as a fighter.
	They both look like fighters to me.
	That whole night was brawls.
	What's the difference?
	A boxer is like, boop, boop, boop, boop, ooh.
	Move, move, the sweet science.
	And then a fighter is just in a fight.
	Like Mike Tyson, I would call a fighter.
	Yep.
	And then there's brawlers, right?
	Then there's like Butterbean's a fighter.
	Anyway, go to betdsi.com.
	Use the promo code Gavin.
	And you will get a limited time, 100% bonus offer, plus a $25 free wager to test the waters.
	Don't miss out.
	And go make some extra cash betting this season.
	Wait a minute.
	So who did I bet on?
	Spence?
	And who won?
	Porter?
	Sean Porter lost.
	That's good.
	So you won?
	I won.
	I can't even remember how much I bet.
	That's the fun thing about betting, too.
	Once you're betting and you're excited about it, then it all happens.
	Unless you get shit-faced.
	Then you can't remember the fight.
	And that's the problem with fights on the West Coast.
	By 12, us dads who have to get up with the kids at 7 a.m., we're toast.
	Especially if we've been drinking.
	Thanks to Loaf Michaels on Parlor, by the way, for telling me to search entrance music.
	Sean Porter entrance music.
	So you're so bad at your job that people at home are contacting you during the show and telling you how to do your job.
	I'm such a nice guy.
	I gave credit to him.
	Front page of the post today.
	Fighting words.
	Fighting words.
	Maybe you could read this as Trump, Brian.
	Fighting words.
	I can't see the font.
	It sounds strange to say I'm energized, but I love it.
	I love it.
	Oh, I see.
	President Trump talks to Michael Goodwin, who, if you know the Post, is like the major, the main guy.
	He goes back to the old days.
	He got cut as chops at the New York Times.
	Like another great American journalist, Bill McGowan, who wrote two books, shitting on the New York Times.
	I think he got it started at the Times.
	See, The Times is two things.
	There's Arthur Selzberg Sr., who was maybe a little liberal, but was fair.
	That's back in the 60s liberals, where they were about free speech and stuff.
	The Dave Rubin, Jordan Peterson type liberals, back when they were cool.
	Cornell West is one of those guys.
	I get along with those guys.
	They just want too much fucking welfare.
	They're too socialist.
	It's the new ones that suck.
	But that's the old New York Times.
	Then his son Pinch took it over.
	His son's a rich kid.
	And so his son went on a diversity tangent and started hiring people based on their ethnicity and their gender.
	And he turned the paper into a total fucking shithole.
	And then Bill McGowan wrote Grey Lady Down and coloring the news, lampooning them.
	And now they suck so bad that even the left hates them.
	That's the problem with getting into bed with the alt-left.
	They're insatiable.
	And they're going to turn on you at some point.
	Don't hire women.
	And definitely don't hire trannies.
	Hey, speaking of socialism, have you got that video of not a cock fight, but a butt fight?
	Do you remember that?
	I can't remember if it's in the notes or not.
	In the cock butt fight.
	Yeah.
	In the prison guy.
	It might be at the very end.
	No, it's not at the very end.
	Where did I put that?
	Prison guards.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Prison guards.
	This is not a cock fight, it's a butt fight.
	And this is what socialism generates.
	You ought to hear the audio at the beginning, though, because the prison guards are laughing.
	There we go.
	Yeah, I think the headline of this was socialism, kids.
	Prison guards laugh as cockfight happens on naked prisoners?
	Yeah, the translation for that is like, this is hard to watch, but we can't look away.
	Yeah, we cannot turn away.
	It's another violation of human rights in Venezuela.
	No, it's not an example of human rights being violated in Venezuela.
	It's an example of socialism.
	This is what you end up with.
	So many people in prison that you lie them on their bellies and they're hip to hip, and then you get so bored and there's no law and order, there's nothing.
	So you say, let's have a cockfight.
	And then your buddy goes, what about this?
	What about a cockfight on a bunch of butts?
	Bare butts.
	And then instead of going, oh, you're insane.
	You can't work here anymore.
	The friend goes, let's do this.
	I think I want to get into cockfights.
	Not hitting my penis against other peni, but like cockfights.
	Do they happen in, you're Puerto Rican?
	Do they happen in New York?
	I don't.
	I'm sure some places in America.
	Let's get into the cockfight scene.
	That's my new goal.
	All right.
	Something I want to conquer.
	Weird thing to conquer.
	At my gym downstairs, it's a big grocery store that I think is mostly Dominican.
	And they have this table that you bring to your picnics that's like 70 bucks.
	It's a really nice fold-out table that's wood, oak, and stained.
	And it's like Dominican Republic and the flag and stuff.
	But the main image is two roosters like fighting each other.
	I thought, I want to know, I want to be a cock fight guy.
	Imagine you have your cock that's your main cock.
	You'd have to like take care of it, raise them all.
	Like, I'm basically gay.
	I have my top cock.
	Yeah, maybe you breed them like horses?
	Maybe you know their names.
	Oh, there's old Feathertail again.
	He's a Walterweight champion.
	I love how people are outraged about this.
	It's unethical as they eat a chicken sandwich.
	Okay, that's good.
	New goal.
	Speaking of Trump, by the way, we're going to be, I had an epiphany that I wrote down most of that we're going to show later on where we explain Trump derangement syndrome and who's behind it.
	We also, I'm going to get Nate Ober on the show.
	I might have Joy Villa on the show in Pai Meanie.
	Nope.
	Oh shoot, can we reschedule just waking up?
	Farts.
	Actually, we'll still be on the air.
	We just won't give the people this.
	Ah, yes, yes, yes.
	What is it with brads?
	And them needing an hour to get ready.
	Yeah, they got their own swords?
	Like, even wash your face, put on your makeup.
	How long can it take to put on makeup?
	20 minutes, Max?
	That should mean 2.45.
	Zvanzig Menuten.
	What does that mean?
	20 minutes.
	Gotcha.
	German.
	Yes?
	Remember that power tie thing?
	Yep, yep.
	So let's power tie.
	What was the first video I did of his?
	Well, the first one that you became familiar with was the Braveheart one.
	And I think he'll probably explain it, but remember that?
	I discovered this guy, basically.
	Right.
	All right.
	Do you remember this?
	I probably retweeted it because I'm in it.
	Is that correct?
	It's possible to have time this time.
	I'm slightly biased towards things with this.
	He was a man of peace.
	The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House.
	Yeah, there I am.
	But I'm president and they're not.
	It's a lot of work.
	Yeah.
	keep showing it He was driven to war.
	Can you just pause?
	That's the impetus for the movie Braveheart, and it was the impetus for a lot of the rebellions the Scots had against the English.
	Who's the fuckwad who came up with the idea of English noblemen can bone Scotsmen's wives the night of their marriage?
	What were you thinking?
	Of course you're going to get killed, dumbass.
	You know what the beginning of the slavery rebellion was in Haiti, where they ended up slaughtering thousands of white women and children, and the new black leaders were drinking white people's blood out of their skulls.
	You know what started that slaughter?
	Some shit for brains said, you know, these slaves are spoiled rotten.
	Every Sunday we let them go to church and worship the silly voodoo gods.
	Let's reduce that to zero days off.
	I'm not advocating for slavery here.
	I'm just saying you're abusing the shit out of someone, and then some rich kid like Uday Hussein type kid decides, let's ramp it up a little bit and just put him one last screw.
	Let's just, I'm not fucking him hard enough.
	Let me put one up the ass too.
	And then eventually, people snap.
	Anyway, sorry, that was a total tangent.
	Yeah!
	I don't like them putting chemicals in the water because they turn the freaking frogs kick.
	Get out of here.
	Go hug the mommy.
	Go hug the mommy.
	Dude, that is better than the movie.
	Oh, man.
	Is Trump better than Raymark?
	I would say.
	It's Ty.
	Diamond Silk.
	That is so good.
	So good.
	Frankly, so good.
	Did you see?
	This is also in the news before we get back to what's his name?
	Pie Tie?
	Power Tie.
	Power Tie.
	So there's that, look at this picture.
	What is that?
	Look at this photograph.
	Which, by the way, speaking of Ryan and his unbelievably bad taste in music.
	Don't do it.
	Huge Nickelback fan.
	It's not a huge Nickelback fan.
	They're good.
	They carry good, frankly.
	And they've been with me since middle school.
	I don't care.
	So is Veneeri Awards.
	That doesn't mean it's good.
	But it's.
	You love Nickelback.
	When people are making fun of someone, they go, he's the kind of guy who likes Nickelback.
	You're a type of guy.
	Yeah, and that's, you know what?
	That's mob mentality.
	That's crowdthink.
	And that you're a sheep.
	Okay?
	I'm just going to say you're a sheep.
	Since when did everybody what's that food they have in France?
	Entrails?
	Tripe?
	Head cheese.
	I hate tripe.
	That's mob mentality.
	It has nothing to do, of course, with pigs' entrails being disgusting.
	It's because I'm just following the herd.
	That's why I hate liver worse.
	When did this hate?
	And fucking Brussels Sprouts.
	I don't know.
	They work hard.
	They're hard-working men.
	They're good.
	Yeah, hard-working men.
	A lot of hits.
	A lot of hits.
	Frankly.
	People grap on them all the time.
	Look at this photograph.
	So look at this.
	So they did a well, let me show you the viral thing first.
	I think it's after Trump tweet removed Mountain Dew Dorito Band.
	Oh, that's everything's in the notes.
	That's my line.
	Okay.
	Gotcha.
	Ryan, before we started filming, said, people call Nickelback like a Mountain Dew Dorito band?
	And I go, yeah, because they are.
	So look at that.
	So Trump retweeted Power Tie's video that we haven't shown you yet, but is awesome.
	And then Nickelback had it removed because it was good for Trump.
	But if you scroll down, you'll see that it still exists.
	Yeah.
	We're mixing two things up here.
	The Nickelback one was it was so totally separate from the Nickelback one.
	Yep.
	Totally separate from PowerTie.
	Yes, that's true.
	So go back to the Nickelback one.
	Sorry, I'm not being very consistent here.
	Oh, and the reason I meant, I'll tell you the link, because Donald Trump retweeted this look at this photograph thing, but he also retweeted Powertie's thing.
	So I'm sort of going in reverse order here.
	So let's go to the look at this photograph one.
	Can you find it?
	It's the second link right there.
	There we go.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Have you ever spoken to your son about his overseas business dealings?
	I've never spoken to my son about his overseas business dealings.
	Look at this photograph.
	Every time I do it makes me laugh.
	What the hell is on, Joey said?
	Do you like that band?
	How did our eyes get so red?
	And as we lie beneath the stars, we realize how small we are.
	You know, I'm not doing a good job of heaven sound stupid.
	She's right, Stairway Dammy.
	I can make cool things sound stupid.
	He looks like a weird Bob, like he's a page from the 14th century.
	He dresses like he has the plague.
	Yeah, no.
	He does look like he's ill from some sort of 16th century illness.
	So anyway, Trump retweeted that.
	It got shut down.
	And Trump retweeted Powertie's newest video, which is like this aha thing where they have to draw on every frame.
	And it's fucking beautiful.
	Like, it's going to be hard for you not to tear up.
	6 million views on Twitter.
	6 million views since Trump retweeted it.
	And I discovered this guy.
	And I discovered it because I'm vain.
	And I saw my face in it.
	And I said, this is cool.
	And this guy has good taste.
	That's the thing about ass lickers.
	If they're around me, then I think they have good taste.
	I'm not calling power tie an ass licker.
	joke, fuckhead.
	I'll give you one message.
	If I give you one message to hold in your hearts today, it's this.
	Treat the word impossible as nothing more than motivation.
	Relish the opportunity to be an outsider because it's the outsiders who change the world and who make a real and lasting difference.
	The more that a broken system tells you that you're wrong, the more certain you should be that you must keep pushing ahead.
	You must keep pushing forward.
	So good.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	That guy's great.
	It gave me Mr. Rogers vibes.
	Brian.
	Okay, Tanner.
	The most powerful man in the Western world.
	This is the head of the greatest superpower in history.
	He actually is much more consequential than Braveheart.
	And you decide the best comparison would be some clown in a cardigan from a children's show 50 years ago?
	If you'll allow me to, I will explain very briefly.
	Please don't.
	He always, okay.
	Well, we have the creator of that, goes by the name of Powertie at PowerTie on Twitter.
	Powertie, is it true that the actual original pronunciation of your name is Powerti?
	That's correct.
	Yes, I thought so.
	Does it drive you nuts when people say Power Tie?
	It really bothers me.
	My family's considered changing it since we've immigrated to America.
	Well, I have a cousin named Schittstain, which in Gaelic means leader of free people.
	But he's having a lot of trouble in grade school here.
	He's eight, and he's considering changing it.
	So you guys are in the same boat.
	It'll make him stronger, Gavin.
	If I were to be totally honest, I would tell you that my original thought that went through my head involved making that bad word a racial epithet, but I restrained and I changed it to shit steam, which is not as funny.
	How you do it?
	So that thing got a lot, a lot of retweets.
	Yes, it did.
	The big man himself shared it, which was a pretty wild experience.
	So you're on the big man's radar.
	How long did that take you to make?
	That took about five months.
	Everyone thinks it was an effect or a video filter, but it was not.
	I did it the hard way.
	I had to draw everything by hand.
	It was probably hundreds of hours.
	I don't know how many.
	You know, this is my problem with interviewing people about great art is you demystify it, and it's like watching a woman put on her lingerie.
	I'm kind of ruining.
	I shouldn't have even called you.
	Okay, I can hang up.
	Yeah, just hang up.
	No, I think what's important is that.
	Johnny Apple CBD is a pun on Johnny Appleseed.
	You get it?
	So it's J-A-C-B-D.
	You can hang up now, Ryan.
	Oh, we're really hanging up.
	Yeah.
	Thanks for the call, dude.
	You rule.
	Oh, God, you're such a pussy.
	You just ruin shit, don't you?
	Well, I was going to go through his replies to this because it's pretty funny.
	You like, thwarted, you know, battled a couple of people.
	What did he say?
	Well, waking life seems.
	Okay.
	Is it just me or as a propaganda got real lazy?
	They thought it was from Trump's campaign.
	So did I, actually.
	Yeah.
	And he said, lazy, that hurts.
	I had to draw every frame by hand.
	Took months.
	Demand an apology.
	Every frame by hand that must have killed your sex life.
	And he comes back with, not everyone's sex life revolves around their hand.
	Call it.
	Good singers, dude.
	That is good.
	But again, I'm going through this weird stage where I don't see interviews as helpful.
	All I did was demystify it by hearing that he drew that for months, which we kind of knew.
	Maybe you asked the wrong question.
	Maybe I'm a shitty interviewer.
	That might be the issue here.
	You should ask him about sex.
	So do you get laid from all this stuff?
	Like, I know you're talented.
	I bet you got tons of girls.
	Hey, Robin.
	Yeah, yeah.
	JACBD.com is a place where we get our CBD.
	American Made since 2015, these products have third-party lab testing using U.S.-grown hemp.
	Johnny Apple CBD will give you the greatest sleep of your life, help alleviate your anxiety, reduce your stress, and it's great for athletic recovery.
	CBD is a great anti-inflammatory.
	Use the ointment after a workout or a long day of defending yourself against Antifa.
	By the way, I've been doing a lot of workouts and I've noticed that when you do a bunch of arm stuff, and you'll notice the beta males, they always say that you must be working out to overcome something, not just to stay in shape and be the kind of guy That can beat the shit out of someone who slaps your mom.
	But I find that arm pain the next day, it feels kind of good.
	Like you go, oh, good, I'm building muscles.
	Leg pain, not so much.
	Going up and down the stairs like George Burns, or going down the stairs, you're going, Hi, Hi, Hi, Ha, I don't like that.
	So though I totally advocate for using CBD as a great anti-inflammatory, there's another way to avoid serious pain is cheat.
	So if you're doing stairs at the gym and no one can see you, have a break.
	Sneak out onto the roof.
	I might do a video on how to box and show people all my tricks.
	We should do that, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Like another trick I do is he goes, all right, do a heavy bag for three rounds.
	Okay, coach, right away, sir.
	Then I find a heavy bag that's like a blackout area, a blind spot from the coach.
	Did you just change the lighting mid-show?
	Yeah.
	That's called continuity.
	And I hit the heavy bag and then beep beep when the bell rings, the round is over, I hide there after my three rounds.
	And then when it's time to get a new assignment, I give it a good 20 seconds and then walk over to the coach, even though I was hiding, and be like, hello?
	He's like, oh, shit.
	Okay.
	How long have you been double-ended bag?
	Okay.
	I mean, I'm not a mind reader.
	You know, does he not watch this show?
	Yes.
	He might not have a subscription, but he can go on YouTube.
	This is the free portion.
	That's how much I love you guys.
	I give away my secrets.
	Like, he's going to see this.
	He's going to find you and be like, boxer?
	What are you doing here?
	Another good trick, by the way, is.
	Yeah, I might do two videos.
	One on how to box that says things like, put your headgear on slightly loose.
	So when you're sparring, it goes.
	And then you go, oh, shit.
	Guys, look at this.
	Meanwhile, the clock is ticking.
	I got to get my headgear back on.
	Obviously, it's not, I mean, we can't fight like this.
	And then, come here, come here, come here.
	And they'll get in the place.
	I can't wait for him to hear this and then be like, keep fighting, boxer.
	And you'd be like, wait, but my thing is off.
	Another funny video we got to do is how to box where I say, like, here's the importance of a left hook.
	You want to swivel, you want to use your hips.
	It's all in the leg.
	And then I use, I demonstrate on a guy who fights me for real.
	Because in every instructional video, like how to disarm someone with a knife, the guy with a knife is always like, he's never trying to stab people.
	So it would be funny if I'm demonstrating this thing on people who just beat the shit out of me.
	Right.
	It takes longer than three seconds.
	Yeah.
	Even in fucking action movies, I can't get, once you see this, you can't unsee it.
	The guy about to get punched always goes like this.
	Yeah.
	Like, and then right before he gets punched, he's going, I'm going to get punched.
	Yeah.
	That's not how, you know, you go, ah, ah.
	You don't go, what the fuck?
	Oh no, Batman's here.
	What the?
	Remember we were talking yesterday about the Joker where he cuts his mouth open?
	Yeah.
	And the guy just goes, yeah, the guy's gone.
	He's dead.
	You've killed him.
	How'd your friend die?
	He got a cut in his mouth.
	Oh, with AIDS?
	Was the knife made of poo?
	Well, it is conceivable that he had some kind of joker toxin.
	Ooh, spooky.
	Okay, that's different.
	Yeah.
	By the way, getting your mouth cut like this, Joker, is a bad day in Glasgow.
	It's called a Glasgow smile.
	And about a third of the fucking tough guys have scar, scar.
	Your worst bad guy is a regular Joe in fucking Glasgow.
	Just an average guy.
	So if you go to cbd.com and use the promo code Gavin at checkout, you get 20% off.
	20%.
	By the way, while we're still free, I should probably mention our third sponsor, Cavefe, which comes in three delicious blends.
	You come in three delicious blends?
	Yes.
	Stupid, retarded, and annoying.
	They're not delicious.
	They're not really different.
	This is what we drink here in the studio.
	And though Ryan runs to go and get examples of these three things, we got whole bean.
	Oh, wait, they're all whole bean.
	We got MAGA Blend Dark Roast.
	We got Drain the Swamp Medium Roast.
	And we have Red Pill Light Roast.
	And I'm laughing because before I bought the Grinder on Amazon for, I think, $17, were you smashing these with a hammer?
	Yep.
	Wait, you don't have a hammer.
	No, I brought you a hammer.
	Yes, yes.
	But you weren't using a hammer.
	You were using part of a piece of furniture.
	All of my personal stash is crushed with hammers.
	No, no, no.
	You didn't use the hammer I bought you because you're too dumb to know that there's a hammer right there in the cupboard, which you don't even use ever.
	I use jackets on your chair right now.
	I got a whole toolkit.
	But you, I remember it was like the base of a coffee table.
	And you were putting the beans in a paper towel and then smashing them with that.
	You're a fucking caveman.
	Before the hammer, I was using this stein.
	Using a stein.
	You know who else used steins?
	People 500 years ago.
	You're looking at me in the past.
	Look how laggy this is.
	Well, that's really bad.
	Pretty cool.
	And I could fix it.
	Well, that's going to come up in interviews and shit.
	We might get Joy Villa.
	No, no, no, no.
	That's just my camp.
	It's just the thing.
	But by the way, this comes in ground too.
	Not just whole beat, but ground.
	Can you go to the Covefe site, please?
	So people can see how to spell it.
	That also, everything we say, bet D Sij A C B D dot com and Cafe has the promo code Gavin G A V I N. And I believe it gets you 20% off in each one.
	So that's it.
	What's the URL there?
	Show the URL so people can see it.
	Do youcavifi.com showing it?
	Do youcavifi.com.
	There you go.
	Yep.
	And now you can buy coffee.
	You're buying coffee anyway.
	Why not use our sponsors, people who make their products in America?
	Actually, I don't know if Cavefe is made in America.
	No, I think it is.
	World-class, but I don't know.
	It says United States right there.
	It says made in the United States, it just says United States, period.
	A lot of it is made in the United States, okay?
	Yeah, we know that fucking JACBD is too.
	And by the way, you can also go to JACBD American Media.
	You can go to johnnyapple.com as well.
	It's the two links.
	There's two links.
	They're both linky there.
	They're both links.
	Here's right.
	Okay, let's get serious for a second here.
	We've been fucking around too much, and we've got a lot of Trump stuff to cover.
	Let me put my sponsors away because we won't be doing any more sponsors now.
	One more thing, too.
	By the way, when you sign up to free speech.tv, you don't hear any sponsors.
	The only sponsors we do is on the free episode.
	Right.
	What were you going to say?
	He's also the power tie guy who did all the Trump stuff.
	He has also participated heavily in the Shmeri Calalello thing from Windy City Heat.
	Boy, you're such a Perry Project rookie.
	You don't have to mispronounce it.
	You misspell it.
	Perry Caravello.
	And folks, Windy City Heat is a great introduction to a project I've been working on for many years called the Perry Project.
	Careful before you get involved.
	Careful before you watch Windy City Heat, because once you start, you won't be able to stop.
	It's heroin.
	It's like sex, actually.
	You know, it rings true.
	You hear a lot about it, you're wary of it.
	Then you try it, and you're like, this is me from now on.
	It totally rings true.
	You say the worst part about that movie is you could only see it for the first time.
	I am so envious of people who have never seen it before.
	I was watching it with that in my head and I was like, you're absolutely right.
	Frankly.
	All right, let's try to figure out if this is a fart.
	This was on Conan.
	Oh, there I am meeting.
	I think Perry and I got into a fist fight at that particular screening.
	William first.
	This is me fighting Perry.
	Nice place.
	Jimmy Kimmel, producer of Windy City Heat.
	What a wonderful video that was that you sent last night to the podcast.
	Thank you.
	Thanks.
	I feel like this whole thing has sort of got spiraled out of control when it was just a simple transaction that I'm just trying to finish up.
	Just to pause here.
	Perry's under the impression that I'm a billionaire producer, William Randolph Hearst III, WRH, and I paid him $50 to promote my movie, One Last Kiss or something.
	Tomorrow's Kiss Yesterday, Goodbye, something like that, at the Sundance Film Festival.
	And he didn't do it.
	And I've been telling him I'm going to kill him for stealing my money for many years.
	And this is me finally confronting him after sending him like 20 threatening videos.
	If you have $50 in it right now, then we can settle this.
	Perry, why don't you pay the $50 that you owe?
	I don't have, I only have like about $50.
	I gave you $50 to promote my film.
	I don't have butt more than three singles.
	I don't have button more than three singles.
	I have a problem with so many singles in my wallet.
	You don't have a problem remembering how to sue people or pretending to be a Java host you can get a wife.
	When are you baptized?
	Why don't you cut your fucking hair with it?
	Yeah.
	Nutsy.
	Whoa.
	Whoa.
	Wow.
	Same.
	William Randolph burst his birth.
	That's mobile almost breaking character right there.
	You know what's funny?
	So I sent videos of me boxing and he sent videos of him doing leg workouts, just leg pushes.
	And in that fight, he kicked me and it actually was a very good game.
	Interesting.
	Like it had some real...
	Yeah.
	So throughout all of this stupid prank, his workout was effective.
	Anyway, you see what I told you about Windy City Heat?
	It just never picks you up and it takes you away.
	All right.
	Fart time.
	Let's focus on the farts, please.
	Focusing on the farts.
	So anyway, let me explain.
	I got to the studio early today and went in at 100 different K-holes.
	And one of them was Conan O'Brien and Zach Alfanakis.
	Zach Alfanakis is fascinating because he had this incredible career in 99 where he was going to be the face of VH1.
	And there was one exec at VH1.
	He's the guy who came up with the puppy bowl.
	I forget his name.
	But he goes, Zach Alfanakis is a fucking genius.
	He's hilarious.
	I'm talking about 99, remember?
	20 years ago.
	And he's going to be, he's going to not just be the face of VH1.
	He's going to be the face of youth culture across the world.
	But I've got him now.
	And I'm going to make him the face of VH1.
	And we're going to catch this rising star.
	So he used to wear this hat, this Inca hat, you know, with the ear flaps.
	And he was on buses everywhere.
	And it was a massive deal.
	Of course, Ryan's googling Puppy Bull because that's how his brain works.
	And the show aired, and it was a complete catastrophe.
	No one watched it.
	I can't remember if it was funny or not.
	I don't think I watched it.
	And so that executed from VH1.
	Zach Galifanakis' career was over.
	He's a fucking loser.
	We got it wrong.
	I thought he was something special.
	So then the guy, then Zach just worked his way back up the line doing comedy.
	He doesn't really care about fame and success, as Between Two Ferns can tell you.
	He doesn't really care about celebrities.
	And he just worked his way back up.
	He kept doing stand-up.
	He can play the piano, and he was like Owen Benjamin.
	And he just went back up, back up, back up.
	And then he became the star he is today.
	So the original dude who put all his money in the Zach basket now looks like a fucking super genius.
	And I met him.
	He got me a show on travel.
	It was called America on Zero a Day.
	And then I don't know what happened.
	Someone got an email.
	The Soros globalists shut me down.
	And that was the end of his career again and my show.
	We were already doing the upfronts for America on Zero a Day.
	Like I was with Anthony Bourdain saying, Welcome to Travel Network.
	It was already, the pilot was okay.
	We were going through.
	And then there was some sort of switch.
	That's why I always say, get fired, get in trouble, be brave.
	Anyway, that was a very long tangent to describe how I feel every time I see Zach Galifanakis.
	But I was watching this, and none of this is relevant to the fart clip.
	I've watched this literally 30 times, and I can't come up with an explanation.
	It sounds like a fart.
	To him since like probably 1988.
	Besides maybe his children.
	Yeah, his children do it.
	Yeah, it is.
	It took balls, I thought, to be that.
	I mean, obviously he's in on the joke, but you were so dismissive.
	Yeah, it was after it was.
	No one's done that to him since like probably 19.
	And I'm obviously hilarious.
	You shush him.
	He starts the top and you just go, shh.
	And I feel Fanakis going, but his microphone sounds different.
	Hold on.
	You shush him.
	He starts to talk and you just go, shh, and I was like...
	Now listen to him talk.
	Louise shot between two ferns and then he's not saying I can't.
	You can't.
	That's apples and oranges.
	Yeah.
	So what do you think?
	Well, the problem is a butt is very far from a mic.
	And this sounds like the anal lips are touching the grid of the microphone.
	If you will.
	Yes.
	No one's ever done.
	No one's done that.
	You just go.
	Is it maybe Andy, what's his name?
	Richter?
	Go ahead.
	I think it has to be a voice.
	Okay, here, I'll do my anal lips.
	Okay, you got one?
	Oh, wait, no, I don't.
	Okay.
	But I have a face.
	So I'll do my anal lips where my anal lips are.
	Oh, gotcha.
	Okay.
	Let's see how audible it is, right?
	And I'll have a big one.
	Okay.
	You ready?
	Yep.
	No.
	Lax bass.
	I'll be the loudest one I can.
	You're still not.
	Still dull?
	Still not bassy.
	Early on.
	What is this?
	You shush him.
	He starts to talk, and you just go, shh.
	And I was like, no one's ever done that.
	That's mic'd.
	Does anyone know anyone who works at TBS?
	Can you guys help me?
	I think it's either Phinectus...
	This is going to be like a Bigfoot guy, like Sasquatch hunters, where we try to...
	We talk about...
	Yeah.
	It all started when I was watching a YouTube video, and then it shows me outside TBS.
	Can I talk to you, please?
	And you leave everything behind.
	You're like, I used to be into politics.
	Very outspoken, opinionated.
	And you won't have heard from me for a year and a half.
	And then it'll be like, McInnis re-emerges with a bizarre documentary about a, well, about flatulence.
	And then let's go to Cindy.
	But it's your office, just like with a bunch of butts and farts and anal lips and diagrams.
	I love that I have you saying anal lips now like it's a term.
	Yeah, I don't like it.
	I never liked it.
	It sounded gross.
	But it kind of looks like he's acting like he smells shit.
	Besides maybe his children.
	Yeah, his children don't know farts don't like that.
	It took balls, I thought, to be that.
	I mean, obviously he's in on the joke, but you were so starting to notice it.
	Zach Calfanakis always acts like he smelled a fart.
	That's kind of true.
	Yeah.
	There was a little bit of a few days.
	He looks like he's in a fart.
	He called me, I guess, to thank me.
	Anyway, speaking of farts, I never really checked out Kyle Dunnegan before.
	But the guy is fucking funny.
	I always knew him just as the Reno 911 guy.
	But he did this fart video that is quale, as we say in Scotland.
	Okay.
	Wait, he's got a lot of videos that have the word fart in him?
	He's got a couple of fart ones.
	His fucking impressions make you look like you have no talents as opposed to just one.
	Like I look as burgers and diseases.
	What?
	And he has awesome things that aren't bad and contagious.
	Now, let me explain something.
	The reason you have a job here is because you have one talent, impressions.
	But his are so much better than yours that that one talent looks like you play guitar like me.
	Well, I play guitar awesome.
	And I made a good song.
	That was the intro, by the way.
	It's called Single File.
	This is not the video, guitar.
	Sophomoric, I just want you guys to know that's not what my channel's about.
	She has about more high brow.
	Rain
	That's good.
	this is great Wait, you missed the punchline!
	That concludes the end of this piece.
	I hope you guys enjoyed it, but I also hope you realize this is not my usual content.
	I pride myself on my sardonic take on a society that props ow.
	Do you ever have a fart that hurts your anal lips?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	A slapping.
	Those are amazing.
	It just irritates him.
	You know what I don't get about farts?
	How are they so loud?
	I don't know.
	Like.
	It's a lot of air, and it also implies your asshole is really tight.
	It's either the tightness or, I mean, that's it.
	Sometimes they can be this loud.
	Hey.
	Hi, how are you?
	Now, you think of the technology that it takes for your larynx and all the little weird fish gills that are in your voice box to make, hello, how are you?
	And then just some extra air in your butthole is just as loud.
	It feels like a fart should be maybe this loud.
	Like this, I would understand.
	Yeah.
	But I like the ones that quack that.
	Or it's so loud that it's on conan, and we can get it through the mics.
	By the way, gentlemen, if you're still married, which is rare, and you're in bed and your wife's asleep and you don't want to wake her up with a fart, every time you fart around your wife, a blowjob loses its wings.
	So, what you want to do is you want to make a sort of like a parrot beak with your fingers, go down to your anal lips, open them up as wide as you possibly can, wider than a homosexual after a three-day circuit party who's been doing meth.
	Just like a baby yawning of an asshole, and have it like, oh, and then just exhale out your butthole.
	Then it just sounds like you breathed or something.
	Bro, idiot.
	Look at this one.
	You're stupid.
	Hit it.
	Oh, great.
	That was a sassy fart.
	Yeah, it was like that guy's got fartitude.
	You've heard of fortitude?
	Yeah.
	That was fortitude with a heaping dose of fartitude.
	All right, before we give up on this guy and everyone thinks he's just an imbecile, show his Bill Maher.
	Oh, Lord.
	His Bill Maher is so good.
	No, that's it.
	Where is that?
	Is that Trump with Bill Maher?
	Who's that Trump with?
	No, that's the climate change girl.
	Wait, let me see.
	No, no, no.
	That's somebody else.
	Well, I'll show his page.
	Heated Trump with Bill Maher.
	I'm sorry to bore you with this, folks.
	We'll be taking calls momentarily.
	God, I didn't even get to Gigi Gorgeous.
	I overprepare for these shows.
	Oh, we haven't shown the Trump thing yet.
	What thing?
	Oh, here we go.
	This guy is so talented, it's disturbing.
	This is a creepy thing.
	Yeah, this is creepy comedy.
	Okay, this is Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.
	I do not like green eggs and ham.
	Oh, really?
	He doesn't like rotten food?
	What a shocker.
	New rule.
	If you crack open an egg and green shit comes out, don't put it in your mouth.
	Put it in the fucking garbage.
	Okay.
	I do not like them on a boat.
	I do not like them on a shot.
	Who the fuck would eat food off a dirty farm animal?
	And just FYI.
	If you don't like your rotten eggs on the ship.
	And no, that's not a computer program.
	That's not an app.
	Clearly the face is, but that's not him putting his voice through a Bill Mara fire.
	I've seen him do his Bill Maher on Rogan.
	That's his Bill Maher.
	Spooky.
	You can close that guy.
	We're not getting to that.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	All right.
	We're at 54 minutes.
	I'm the bummer that's going to tell all the free people.
	All right, you freeps.
	That's our nickname for you people who don't subscribe to free speech.tv.
	You're freeps.
	You're like normies.
	You're all noobs.
	That's right.
	My two sons call each other noobs.
	I would say 80% of their back and forth involves being a noob.
	Your two sons, Arizona?
	Yeah.
	And it works its way into every conversation.
	Like, can I get some more coffee?
	Oh, would you like some more Johnny as a noob?
	Like all day, every day.
	It was unfunny for a while.
	Now I'm back.
	Now I kind of like it.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	We're saying goodbye to all the fun.
	I'm a noob.
	Anyway, so we're going to get to this summation I did of Trump derangement syndrome where I peel back the three layers and it starts with nerds are mad.
	Basically, the gist of this video I'm about to show you is that hate has no home here and all this.
	I hate Trump because he's a bigot.
	That's all a lie.
	And what it's really about is this hatred of pride, this hatred of someone being unapologetically male, this hatred of someone being proud of being American, and someone who refuses to say your little terms, your little words, like person of color or undocumented citizen of hard workers instead of anchor baby.
	And these people who are mad at that are obviously the progenitors.
	They are the cheerleaders for political correctness.
	And they are all in a conga line.
	And this conga line is going off a cliff.
	In fact, the lyrics to their little mariachi song is no borders, no wall, no USA at all.
	And when someone isn't in their conga line, they scream racist, Nazi, you're part of this rising thing of, hey, they have these cliches like racism is alive and well and blah, blah, blah.
	And Trump was the first guy to say, no, I'm not getting in that conga line.
	It's going off a cliff.
	And that shocks people.
	So I'm going to show you me explaining that concept in a very in-depth way using our green screen studio.
	And then we're going to take calls, but you can't have that because you ain't paying my ass.
	Fuck you, pay me.
	So thank you to our sponsors.
	This wraps up the free episode.
	And we'll be continuing for another hour or so, taking calls, showing that video on free speech.tv.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	music
	How would you describe that terrible music you make?
	I don't know.
	Besides shitty or Burning Man.
	The thing is, I can't plug my guitar.
	I don't have a way to plug my guitar into my computer as of now.
	I could get one, but...
	Oh, no, I know what it is.
	I know what it is.
	It's just what I'm saying.
	But you'd rather spend that on McDonald's Uber Eats.
	Well, I do, frankly.
	Let me tell you this.
	It's Garasbin.
	I just use my regular keyboard, this keyboard right here.
	And then you just use that as a musical keyboard.
	You're just sitting there doing nothing.
	Well, I don't have an attachment for my care board, so...
	You're saying you don't care.
	Please play my awesome Trump video.
	Dramatic music
	Why do they hate Trump?
	Well, like a lot of irrational conflict, Trump derangement syndrome Isn't really about Trump.
	I remember my old buddy Derb was talking about a couple he knew that were having a big fight, and he said, What's the fight about, married couple?
	And the husband said, Eh, it wasn't really about what it's about.
	You know, when you have a big fight with your wife about a fork, and it's really about the fact that you want to move?
	So the hatred for Trump is worth scraping some layers at.
	So let's start at the top, on the outside layer.
	Level one of Trump derangement syndrome.
	Nerds, Trump is unapologetically male.
	And the nerds have been running the show for a long time.
	Nerds hate when you're proud to be a guy, a dude.
	They hate wedgies, for example, because it hurts their inner butt cheeks.
	And guys who are unapologetically male will wedgie you.
	They won't just wedge you.
	They'll atomic wedgie you.
	And we had abolished wedgies, you know, stop bullying, toxic masculinity.
	And you know who really enjoys that?
	Flakes, Hollywood actors, but really pussies like comedians.
	They grew up depressed and ostracized, and they came up with a way to get out of that, like Patton Oswald type people.
	And they said, no, it's actually cool to be a loser and a nerd and to not know how to do push-ups.
	And if you do that, you're compensating because you're gay and you have a little dick.
	And that was sort of the thing for a while.
	And then Trump shows up and his followers show up and his supporters show up.
	And we go, no, we just like doing push-ups because we like to stay in shape.
	And you're a pussy and a nerd and a loser, frankly, total loser.
	So that's their whole ethos being torn away.
	And that means that they suck.
	And that reminds them of grade school.
	And it puts them like back in a time machine.
	So that pisses them off.
	That's level one.
	I wrote all this down during an epiphany.
	And I'm not, I don't feel as smart right now.
	So I may have to look at a lot of my notes.
	So layer one is Revenge of the Nerds.
	And that comes from being unapologetically male.
	Level two is women, frankly.
	Women, a lot of great women, a lot of wonderful women.
	Some of my favorite writers, female, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, that Carol Malkowicz chick, Naomi Schaefer-Reilly.
	Anyway, a lot of women have great jobs.
	A lot of women contribute to society.
	Trump hires a lot of women, but he doesn't handle them with kid gloves.
	And a lot of women are in stupid jobs like HR or organizing things.
	We're going to have this thing on this date.
	You know, like things they do at home when they're housewives.
	They do housewife type jobs, but instead of handling a husband and a kid's day, they're handling some stranger's day with his appointments.
	Another thing they love to do is handle their social media.
	I handle craft cheese slices, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, which is another thing that moms and grandmas do well.
	And they used to get appeased for this.
	Like Barack Obama would appease them and say, all right, let's do Title IX.
	And they'd have these idiotic programs like Bill de Blasio's wife has Thrive, where she spends a billion dollars, I don't know, buying people shit, buying school supplies.
	Total waste of time, frankly.
	Total waste.
	And usually you appease these stupid jobs and these silly professions and these dumb trends, but Trump doesn't.
	Trump says, no, we're not doing that.
	And that sort of brings us to the next level.
	And these levels are all very closely linked.
	The final level is this whole lack of appeasement.
	And it's basically saying, I'm not doing that.
	So we go from, I'm not ashamed of myself, level one, to I'm not saying that, level two, to I'm not doing that.
	And this is revolutionary because everyone has acquiesced.
	Like Justin Trudeau was elected by women and nerds and losers.
	And then they said, okay, we're going to tell you a bunch of things that are hot now, like genderless bathrooms and trans rugby players and Title IX and Oscar So White and there's hate crimes everywhere.
	And you're just going to say yes.
	I'll say jump.
	You say how high.
	And Trump comes along and goes, wait, why are we jumping?
	And then they go, and they never have an answer, right?
	They go, because there's systemic racism and society is backwards and America was never great.
	He goes, no, that's not true.
	I'm not jumping.
	No jumping.
	Refuse to jump.
	My Trump isn't as good as my coworkers, so it's throwing me off a little bit.
	And that's never been done before.
	And the left's ethos, the left's entire raison debt is shame.
	We fucked up.
	We stole this land from the Indians, and then we built this country on slavery.
	We should be ashamed of ourselves.
	We should be constantly apologizing, right?
	And then someone comes along and says, no, that's not true.
	I'm not doing that.
	And they go, okay, then you're a Nazi.
	And that's the rise of hate.
	The rise of hate is whites finding out they're going to be a minority and they can't handle it.
	I've never heard a white person say that in my life.
	If a hot black chick wants to marry them, they'll go, yeah, let's do it, Halle Berry, and make a bunch of beige kids.
	They don't really care.
	That might be an issue.
	I haven't really looked into it.
	But to pretend that that is the impetus for this massive tsunami of hate that's starting is just a fucking lie.
	Those hate has no home here signs, they are a lie.
	That's not what it's about.
	Hate has no home here.
	That sign alone you could do all the levels on.
	It says it's about hate.
	It's not about hate.
	It's really about the rich people's fear of you cracking down on immigration and they lose their lawn care people and all their domestic servants.
	So it really means I love my servants.
	But then you take that a layer back and you realize this Trump rejection is an anger about toxic masculinity and an anger about unapologetically male.
	Then you go back from that and you realize, oh, what they're really mad about is I'm not playing your fucking games.
	And what are their games?
	Forget the Nazi shit.
	That's all a lie.
	That's all a myth.
	That's just an easy go-to thing.
	Everyone I disagree with is Hitler.
	The real thing here is pride.
	That's why the proud boys are vilified.
	That's why Trump is vilified.
	Shame is the gasoline that powers the left's engine.
	Without shame, they have nothing.
	Without shame, their entire education system is a lie.
	But the truth is, America was never perfect, but America was always the greatest.
	And when Trump says make America great again, he really means make America proud again, that it is the greatest.
	Yes, our history has scars.
	Yes, we did things to the Indians that were not paramount or were not indicative of someone for, I'm quoting Buchanan here, for someone to whom the Sermon on the Mount was divine command.
	We treated the Indians poorly, but they treated us poorly, and we were at war with them for 400 years.
	We fought against them, we fought alongside them, we fought their battles, they fought our battles.
	Eventually, we came out on top.
	And as far as slavery goes, that was started by Arabs and Africans.
	We didn't start it, but we ended it.
	620,000 men died on a war that we're told was 100% about slavery.
	That's equivalent of 5 million today.
	So this country was not stolen.
	It was fought for.
	This country was not built on slavery.
	We ended slavery.
	And by the way, after the Civil War, the balance sheet was zero.
	So any money accrued from slavery was long gone.
	So we all came here together.
	We all went through this mess together, starting when America started.
	And to deny that is to be an ingrate.
	And to emigrate here and deny that is to be an immigrate.
	Well, I'm an immigrant here, and I'm not an immigrate.
	I'm incredibly thankful to be in this wonderful country, and your whole shame machine doesn't work on me.
	It doesn't work on us.
	We're proud of this country, and we refuse to apologize for creating the modern world.
	God bless America.
	God bless Trump.
	And I think the simplest way for you to get over Trump derangement syndrome is to stand in the mirror, look into your own eyes, and just repeat this, okay?
	four more years four more years four more years Got it?
	Got it?
	Was that a mishmash of thoughts?
	I thought it ruled.
	Maybe I should redo that and be a little clear on the three different layers of the onion.
	Let's start taking calls, but I also want to talk to people that are, you know, not the plebes.
	No offense to the plebes.
	They are the cogs that power the engine.
	Truth.
	Let me put that number up.
	But I want to talk to Joy Villa, and I want to talk to our new correspondent, Nate Ober.
	Hell yeah, man.
	Our one-man whack back.
	Joy hasn't confirmed.
	Not confirmed.
	Doesn't make me feel joy.
	Kind of ironic.
	A little ironic, frankly.
	All right, here's the number.
	718-400-6959 yet again.
	718-400-6959.
	That's why I want you to start reading books again.
	You should be, when I ask you to read tweets and read stuff from newspaper articles, you should be able to read the text like that.
	Are you calling Joy?
	No.
	We're taking calls first, no?
	I'm reluctant to introduce Joy's story because I don't want to do this big build-up and then not have her on the show.
	Not have her on the show!
	See, yours is funnier than mine.
	Yeah, it's sort of like sometimes an impression can be so bad it's good.
	Like when Dan Aykroyd had a mustache, but he was still pretending to be Jimmy Carter or Nixon or whoever the fuck he was supposed to be.
	I think it was Carter.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	It's weird, though, because the joke of that Dan Aykroyd sketch is that Carter is a fucking genius, and he's a pube.
	He was like our worst president ever.
	Well, what was the...
	The thought of him was he was like a country farm boy who was stupid, right?
	No, I always thought, well, I don't remember.
	I was a little kid when he was president, but looking back, he's like the pussy president.
	Worse than Justin Trudeau.
	He's sort of like a Pete Buttigig.
	Oh, damn.
	He's just like this weak, you know, nothing man.
	You know when there's like five guys at the bar and you're all joking around?
	Yeah, you shower and I'll shower.
	And then there's that one little wispy guy going in the corner.
	And you try to bring him in.
	You're like, come on, Jack, get in here.
	He's like, okay.
	That's Jimmy Carter.
	Oof, that's stinky.
	He's the runt of the litter.
	We got Gabriel Frogman, MMA.
	Gabriel.
	Hey, Gab.
	So I'm 21 years old.
	I'm kind of a fat prick.
	Always have been.
	And I'm trying to change that.
	Listening to you talk about boxing got me super, super interested.
	The problem is there are no boxing gyms in my area.
	Where are you?
	What I found was the next best thing.
	I'm in the Houston area.
	There's no boxing gyms in Houston?
	I don't live in Houston.
	I live about 45 minutes away from Houston.
	Okay.
	But, yeah, I couldn't find any boxing gyms in my area.
	Well, anyways, what I found was an MMA gym that offers kickboxing.
	I thought, man, that's a little bit gay, but we'll see how it goes.
	All right.
	So last week was my first week, went to two kickboxing classes and beat the crap out of me.
	I mean, came home drenched in sweat, really good, felt really confident.
	And my coach said, hey, man, I really want you to come to this Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class.
	I said, man, I don't want to be rolling on the floor half-naked with another dude that sounds kind of weird.
	You know, I'm obviously not saying that it's gay, you know, those guys are definitely tougher than I am.
	This just wasn't what I was interested in.
	Anyway, so I go to class, and dude, it was so much fun.
	It was great.
	I ended up getting paired up.
	I'm about 5'10, pushing about 300 pounds.
	And so they paired me up with a dude who's about 5'10, probably 250 pounds, but he's a super stacked fireman.
	So rolling on the floor with him, I definitely have the weight advantage, and he's got the skill advantage.
	We're rolling back and forth.
	Next thing you know, I've got him in a headlock, and I'm making him tap.
	And I tell you what, that was probably the best feeling I felt in a while.
	Yeah.
	And it's not my cup of tea to watch.
	A little too many toes.
	But I think it's a great way to get in shape.
	And I'll tell you what, the boxer, like a true boxer, has this stupid, and I'm admitting I'm part of this world.
	1800 is like, put up your dukes, you bum.
	And I mean, I watch, incessantly watch public freak out Reddit and watch street fights.
	And those guys don't tend to win.
	Because getting a punch to a face is a real challenge.
	I think you guys in street fights are far more successful.
	I'll tell you what, out of the 10 billion fights I've watched on YouTube, the picking the guy up and slamming him down seems to win 99% of the time.
	The perfect left right cross thing, I mean, I've seen it happen like three or four times.
	So I enjoy it as a sport more.
	I enjoy watching it as a sport more.
	But as far as the reality of street fighting, I think that MMA and Jiu-Jitsu is way better for you.
	And I'm happy that you're losing weight.
	And as far as you being able to protect yourself on the street, I think those sports are better than boxing.
	I just enjoy boxing more and find it almost like a tiny part of fighting.
	It's like they took the punching part of street fighting and made that the whole sport.
	If you're actually going to get in a brawl on the street, you want to use the whole sport.
	Next.
	Okay.
	We got Jeff talking about women.
	Look at this photograph.
	Yes.
	The scenario I'm going to present to you happened.
	I'm 30, so this happened a long time ago.
	So what is a motherfucker supposed to do if a woman, if a lady, if no, if a girl slaps your mother in front of you, I saw a girl slap my mother, and then I slapped the taste out of her mouth, pushed her down.
	What is a man supposed to do?
	Is that not right or not?
	Well, there's several different angles to this, right?
	There's what's legally allowed, and there's what you should do, and what you inevitably instinctually would probably do.
	So I think instinctually you would lose control and do something irrational like punch your mother in the face.
	I mean, punch your mother.
	Yeah.
	You'd be like, nice, bitch, let's get her.
	No, you might instinctually punch the woman in the face and might not get charged for it.
	Secondly, there's what you legally are allowed to do, and I think you're allowed to hurt her, are you not?
	You don't even need to restrain her.
	And then third, stop the fighting.
	Let's do what you should do.
	In a perfect world, if you have amazing restraint and a woman, a woman, slaps your mother, I would say what you should do is wrap your arms around her, sort of topple her to the ground, hold her there, and then I'm against calling the cops, but in this case, call the cops and have her charged with assault.
	You can't have people slapping your mom.
	But if it's a woman, I assume if it's a girl, it's in your home, and your mother's not genuinely in real danger, then yeah.
	Tackle her to the ground, hold her there, call the cops, charge her with assault.
	Yep.
	You got Mitch.
	Parenting question.
	What's up, Mitch?
	Yeah, hey, Gavin, Ryan, what's going on?
	Hey, I want to throw a parenting hypothetical your way.
	So I have a nine-year-old boy, you have a couple.
	Would you rather your sons be addicted to video games or addicted to porn?
	Video games.
	Video games, first of all, my sons are way too young to be near porn, and I don't like questions about my kids.
	So let's go to the next caller.
	Are you ready, caller?
	Tommy 80s, New York.
	I'm sorry.
	Yeah.
	Tommy, 80s, New York.
	Hello.
	Hey, Tommy, you're on.
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Yeah, I got a question about...
	My question is.
	Can I interrupt you?
	Yeah.
	How about that that book doesn't have question marks?
	He's talking about the book Bad Call.
	It's an EMT guy in 80s, New York.
	I love the book.
	Every time there's an interrogative, it ends with a period.
	The entire book.
	Yeah, I can't remember.
	I read it a few months ago, but I read it in like two days because it's so good, man.
	I was glued to it.
	But what I was talking about is because I was wondering whether there's some good visual movies that you like that really capture the 80s New York era like the Warriors and Main Street, Taxi Driver, and all that do it pretty good.
	You know, those were filmed back in then.
	Yeah.
	You got any good movie recommendations?
	I mean, I guess Please Kill Me is probably the best of that.
	It documents the punk scene, but it talks more about late 70s, early 80s New York City, and you really get a taste of how ruthless it was and how Wild West it was back then.
	No, Please Kill Me, not Kill Me, Please.
	Well, that's what I typed in Please Kill Me.
	Okay.
	But that's what it comes to.
	That's a great book.
	I don't know.
	It's kind of hard to think of.
	You know, I love seeing any documentary about when the clash were in New York.
	That's the ideal aesthetic time of New York.
	Although, I've kind of been getting away from 80s New York now, and I'm kind of getting into Gangs of New York days, which is, you know, the 1800s in New York.
	There's a great book a guy at my gym just recommended I just started called The Alienist by Caleb Carr.
	If someone was a murderer back then, they go, Oh, you're not of this earth.
	You've been infected by some sort of alien force.
	So you're an alien.
	They didn't really believe he came from outer space, but they talked about exterior forces are making you like this.
	So if you were an expert at mass murderers, like Jack the Ripper, then you were an alienist.
	And so it's fiction, but it's all based on reality.
	That's kind of fiction I can read.
	So I just started that.
	But yeah, I'm sorry I don't have a good response for a good 80s New York book besides Bad Call, which has no question marks in the whole book.
	Well, I believe he didn't say movies, though.
	How about any of those that come to mind?
	Movies?
	Yeah.
	Oh, Times Square, about two girls who, it's a good movie for your kids, for your daughter, about these girls via Tim Curry.
	It's sort of like the movie Warriors, but for young girls.
	Interesting.
	Which I guess I shouldn't be.
	I mean, that's a good show to movie to watch with your daughter.
	Cool.
	Now we got Jameson on Goldie's Mouse.
	Your name's Jameson?
	Hi, my name's Jameson, and it's Faith Goldie's Mouth.
	And I was just starting to think that I haven't seen her or heard from her in such a long time, and I thought she'd be a perfect candidate for your island of misfit toys, and was wondering if you had ever considered having her on as a guest on your show or having your own show, because I am totally hooked on watching her mouth move, and I will hang up and listen.
	Has she had lip stuff done?
	She kind of has a turned-up thing to her top lip, which I'm glad that shit's temporary because I find it distracting.
	Yeah, Faith Goldie is definitely a potential contributor in the future.
	I consider her a friend.
	You know, she had that falling out with Rebel for talking to the alt-right in a friendly way.
	I had a great solution for her where she goes back on Rebel, gets rehired, has a long discussion with Ezra, and then quits on her own terms.
	So the history books don't say fired from Rebel for going too far right.
	It's a tricky game, you know, getting these contributors.
	You want to sort of have a battle.
	It's like making a jambalaya stew.
	And if you have too much far-right stuff, then you're the far-right network.
	And that's not who I am.
	I'm more of a libertarian, right-as-center dude.
	Is that her?
	No, that is not her genius.
	That says reflecting on the coverage of Faith Goldie.
	Yeah, that's probably someone who covered her.
	That's actually a very interesting window into your brain that you could think that is Faith Goldie.
	No, no, no, but I could see it.
	Look, if you cut off the mouth.
	No, that's fascinating.
	Nope, nope, and nope.
	Wow.
	Maybe stupid people have different eyeballs.
	Well, I'm Asian also.
	Maybe that's why you're dumb.
	You can't see stuff like we see.
	Well, I didn't think it was her.
	Is everything blurry to you?
	The only reason I brought it up is because there's no way that is her, but I'd be scared of it.
	So don't backpedal.
	We just got a window into your soul.
	I feel like I should call some like brain scientists.
	I could do visual puzzles.
	What are they called?
	Visual puzzles.
	No, we're not doing visual puzzles on the show.
	Are you drunk?
	Yes.
	Don't get drunk at work.
	Okay.
	What are you drinking, by the way?
	Old-fashions.
	What is an old-fashioned?
	It's bitters.
	Marascho chips.
	Bitters.
	Bitters are like a floral type of strong alcohol, but it's a classic thing in any cocktail.
	Old classic cookies.
	I know it's classic in cocktails, but I've never really asked what bitters are.
	Literally, what are bitters?
	Is it like porto?
	Is it like aged wine?
	It's not like a liqueur.
	Let me see.
	Yeah, you don't know either.
	Angostrua, herbal concoctions of alcohol and dozens, usually mysterious ingredients.
	They're about 35 to 45% alcohol.
	Why would you add alcohol to Maker's Mark?
	Well, it adds a different flavor to it.
	It takes away the sting.
	Asians should not drink.
	I know.
	But it's good.
	Let me see if Joyce can get on the show.
	Okay.
	Joy's out.
	Wow.
	She said I didn't hear back.
	Yeah, I took 10 minutes to get back to you.
	Well, we got David.
	Let's find Nate Uber.
	Okay.
	Do you want to take David Uber?
	Yeah, let's take David.
	Hey, David.
	We're taking you.
	What's up, dog?
	Oh, hey, what's up?
	Hey, man.
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Yeah.
	Hey, Gavin.
	I was just calling to ask if you had saw what happened in Paris where they basically hired this IT guy who converted to Islam, and today he just stabbed four police officers to death in the Paris HQ.
	Holy shit.
	That's the good thing about doing this show live.
	No, I hadn't heard anything about that.
	When did this happen?
	This happened like six or seven hours ago.
	Holy shit.
	And Twitter is mostly quiet about it.
	Twitter is like if you're wearing Air Jordans in front of Gigi Hadid.
	Yeah, I'm looking at the Twitter moments right now, and it's things like Don't Trash New York City and Jacob Wall and Richard Jewell kidnapping California tech executive.
	Nothing about this.
	That's amazing.
	You know what's frustrating about this?
	I went to Paris after Battaclan.
	I guarantee you that this will not change the Parisian demeanor.
	And they will still just be...
	It's not a pattern.
	Islam is a religion of peace.
	Don't get a twist.
	Don't get it twist.
	Four police employees were killed in a knife attack in Paris on Thursday, according to city prosecutor Remy Heights.
	The three policemen and a female police administrative worker were killed by a fellow member of staff who was later shot dead.
	Isn't it funny how if someone is rumored to have made a slightly racist joke eight years ago, they're instantly fired.
	Yet you can have these Muslims with terroristic tendencies just flourish at various businesses.
	Like we've got this IT guy who is Islamic and everyone's Scared of offending him, so he doesn't get fired and he ends up stabbing four people.
	We also had in Fort Hood, we had that guy who, it's not like out of the blue he started shooting people.
	He'd been talking about Islam and Muhammad and Allah and the war and the Middle East for a long fucking time.
	He'd been talking about radical politics for a long time, and then he shot 14 people.
	And then we just had this guy who was working at what, American Airlines?
	An airplane mechanic that had been sabotaging a plane.
	And we just keep going, keep going.
	Even, remember that dude we had on the show?
	Who's no, Joe Biggs.
	Joe Biggs's ex-father-in-law, if you can handle that degree of separation, worked at the flight school where Muhammad Atta went.
	And people went, oh, some Muslims who barely speak English who just arrived here are taking flying lessons?
	I don't want to rock the boat.
	I don't want to offend anyone.
	I don't want to get fired.
	So no one said anything.
	And this guy is PTSD because he thinks he's responsible for 3,000 deaths.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	Never stop fighting.
	Be dubious.
	If someone just arrived from a Muslim country and they're taking flight lessons, maybe this guy should feel guilty.
	I'm sorry to say.
	Well, he tried to say something about it.
	Remember that?
	No.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Big said he tried to tell people.
	He said, hey, there's something weird going on here, and people ignored it.
	It was ignored.
	I don't personally know how we're going to do that, but we have entrance music for him.
	Hi, Nate.
	Oh, my God, man.
	What is going on?
	Is that you doing a Nate Ober?
	Yes.
	You do a perfect Nate Ober.
	You should, like, subsume his personality and become him.
	Yes.
	Well, I've always told people that I'm an actor posing as an artist.
	It's a Bowie reference, but yeah.
	What do you got on your head there?
	I just saw those on Amazon.
	Goth goggles.
	So, solidarity with the Air Force Base here.
	What's the difference?
	What's the difference between steampunk and goth?
	Well, steampunk is more like browns and soft.
	Like the color, you know?
	Yep.
	And it's more of a...
	I thought you meant Hispanics.
	More of...
	I think they're a little more on the cosplay side, maybe.
	They're more of the...
	Where was the party, you know?
	Right.
	But I thought I had better resolution.
	Sorry about that.
	It's an old computer.
	The thing I don't get about Goths is if you're sown to death, why not just fucking die?
	Well, I think Goths are more into, you know, like, um, everybody else dying.
	Oh, I get it now.
	Okay, that makes sense.
	So they're for climate change.
	For climate change.
	What was with this dog you tried to kill?
	Yeah.
	How'd you try to kill it?
	A knife?
	Hammer.
	I thought I was.
	It's a really horrible story, really.
	I mean, I laugh about it sometimes, and if I'm in the right, in front of a certain group of people, I kind of make it bravado a bit, you know, and laugh.
	But it was really horrible.
	The kid had got bitten on the face three times and had to go to the hospital for stitches, the toddler.
	And the third time he was on quarantine for two weeks.
	And then the day he went off quarantine, the kid tried to play with him again.
	And it was just a mutt dog.
	Not that it was bad, but it was a pretty violent dog.
	And he went to the hospital, and the dad called me from the hospital and was like, can you get two baseball bats in a burlock bag on your way home from work?
	And I'm like, you know, I'm all out from the adrenaline.
	And I'm like, sure, man.
	Could your camera be worse, please?
	It's like Russian.
	It's like Ryan's music.
	From my cadence?
	Yeah, the camera showing you right now has approximately 91 pixels.
	I don't know why it's doing so bad.
	But by the way, I would fucking kill that dog.
	Absolutely.
	Well, when I was a kid, if a dog bit a kid's face, then the dad would just take the dog to the backyard and shoot it with a 22.
	There was no hullabaloo.
	It was just like taking out the garbage.
	You shoot the dog, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Shoot the ball.
	Shoot the ball.
	Shoot the kid.
	Thanks for the support.
	And, you know, yeah, you know, I just thought I was going to go out and walk at once, you know, and be done.
	And it wasn't like that.
	It was like, man, man.
	And the dog started yapping.
	And I had to keep hitting him over and over again.
	And I thought he was dead.
	And then I put him in a trash bag, went to work.
	And he came out of the, he was just knocked out in a coma.
	Came out of the coma with a fractured skull.
	And they tried to revive him for 21 hours.
	And they put me and the mom in jail several times for this.
	Oh, my God.
	This is an old computer.
	It works on Skype.
	All right, Nate.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	The reception's not great, but let's talk to you on Monday.
	Okay, yeah, I'll get some data on my phone.
	That works better, I think.
	Yeah, this is not usable.
	It looks like crayons.
	It looks like a kid drew Nate Uber.
	Bye, Uber.
	Okay, bye.
	Later, dude.
	Thank you.
	Thank you!
	That had kind of a pet cemetery thing to it.
	By the way, I mispronounced cemetery because I was thinking of the Ramones.
	Pet Cemetery.
	Cemetery.
	Now I want to hear Kill the Boar.
	Kill Joe.
	Kill the boy.
	The funnest dance, I almost should have said.
	As far as ethnic genocide hits go, that's the best song.
	Yeah.
	Oh, Ryan had a good idea.
	For once in his life, please start sending us to the mailbag.
	Ideally, it's a link.
	I don't want 25 megabyte emails.
	The attachments are.
	So maybe it's a Wii transfer file or something.
	But send us video messages.
	So, hey, Gavin, this is Max.
	I want you to know that I got one of these mugs and I think they're awesome.
	But watch this.
	I can break it on my head.
	Don't do that.
	You will cut your fucking head to shit.
	Your head is all veins.
	A million cats.
	That's why you see these wrestlers who would bleed, they would have these tiny razor blades in their wristbands and they'd just go just the slightest little nick, but with the sweat and the capillaries.
	So do not ever do that.
	Ever.
	It was a bad example.
	He sent some pictures, by the way, Nate.
	Why don't you narrate what each picture is, as Nate?
	Well, this is me right here.
	It looks a little suggestive, but it's not.
	We're just hanging out, being super goth.
	Ampy Goss at someone else's house.
	He's like, make fun of me, just don't make fun of a brother.
	I can't tell which is which.
	I think he's a brunette.
	So I think he's a brother.
	Let's tell me that.
	He's probably the younger one.
	Yeah.
	There's Nate right there.
	That's pretty cool.
	You can tell his hair is on its way out right there, huh?
	Really?
	Isn't it weird?
	I remember being a punk kid and being in the suburbs.
	There we go.
	Kind of a new way.
	I think he makes those paintings, which are pretty good.
	They suck.
	That does not suck.
	That's like an airboat.
	That's good.
	Nope.
	Everything you like sucks.
	So we're both saying the same thing.
	That's awesome looking.
	Sort of.
	Not with the window dressing, though.
	The only way I could be punk in the suburbs was to live in the basement, which was unfinished and just cement.
	Damn, dude.
	Yeah, that was fucked up.
	Living life on the edge.
	Of course, I would come up for tomato soup and grilled cheeses and watch movies and stuff and have a shower.
	But in the basement, I was squatting.
	Yeah.
	That's always how it is.
	You and your friends would, you know, hang out in the basement, and then you go upstairs towards civilization.
	It's all nice and here, man.
	Oh, dinner's ready?
	Okay.
	Well, fuck you after dinner.
	One time I came home, I've told this story a million times, but I had my blue hair hanging down, and my mom goes, Yo, Re son.
	And I go, I don't know what it is.
	I'm just fucking depressed or something.
	She goes, oh, you go downstairs and listen to some of your punk, and I'll bring you a bowl of soup.
	I was like, thanks, I guess.
	That takes all the punk out of it.
	And then I'm downstairs and she brings by, you know, Scottish people always have soup going.
	It's just a pile of food, hot food and hot water.
	Thanks, whatever.
	Oh, one more thing, mom.
	Fuck you.
	Just kidding.
	I love you.
	Appreciate it.
	Next call.
	We're running a time, by the way.
	We've got Tom calling about an accident.
	No.
	Oh.
	Not an accident.
	Oh, good.
	An incident at work.
	I'm a police officer, and a co-worker of mine was working a midnight shift, and he went to his friend's house.
	His friend said, stop by, run to parties, get some food, or whatever.
	So he went over, and this drunk woman kept trying to, you know, get him to go home with her.
	And he was like, no, you know, I'm not interested.
	I'm working.
	And then he said she grabbed his dick like four or five times in the corner, like cornered him in the house and grabbed his dick.
	And I just wonder what you think would happen if I, or another man, went up to a female police officer drunk and, you know, grabbed her by the pussy.
	That would be the end of your pension, my friend.
	That would be, what, a couple million dollars down the drazane?
	You'd be ruined.
	Women and men are not the same.
	Can we stop this fucking shit, please?
	And they don't want to be the same, by the way.
	In the workforce, they say, we want to be treated the same.
	You want to be treated the same?
	Have you heard how I abuse my friend Ryan here?
	Imagine I was talking to a fat chick like that all day.
	It would be the sexist sizes show where a white man abuses an obese woman of color.
	Yeah, if you were a fat black woman, maybe that's why Howard has Robin quivers on because he doesn't want to get in shit.
	What did you pull up there?
	It's another call coming up.
	I kind of just spied what they were going with that.
	But you know what, though?
	I think fat black women have good senses of humor.
	I've dispelled a lot of...
	Maybe you're brainwashed.
	They're just funny.
	I mean, you know what's good about fat people in general?
	They kind of are over the whole dignity thing.
	So they're just kind of just funny.
	That does not speak for Get Off My Lawn.
	That is a rogue employee.
	I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
	But yes, thank you for calling, officer.
	And that's a totally valid point.
	You know, the other day they said, not the other day, last year they said that if you have sex with a drunk person, a drunk woman, it's rape.
	She can't consent if she's drunk.
	And you go, wait a minute, most birthdays are around, they just ended.
	Did you notice there was a million birthdays last month?
	That's because it's nine months from New Year's Eve, Christmas, that entire late part of December where you're shit-faced.
	That's when humans are made.
	If you were to remove every human that was made when the girl was drunk, it would be like Thanos.
	Half the population would just vanish.
	So drunk women are why we're laid.
	It's why we exist.
	And as an adult, we have to recognize that the world is not fair.
	And women can grab your dick all day long.
	And you have to sit there and go, haha, but if you go like put your hand on her waist in an uncomfortable way, that's the end of your entire career.
	And you could die of starvation.
	You will be a pariah.
	So we're living in a weird sort of, I don't know, it's almost a reverse Jim Crow in a sense, where different rules, the same rules apply differently to different people.
	And I'll tell you, this whole like Me Too sexual harassment thing, I started Vice Right when women were really thriving in marketing, the way vice survived was marketing money.
	And we've said it a million times: we ate our way to the top.
	The way that we got ads was, I didn't do it because I wasn't a sales guy, but my sales guy would go out on these dates with these cougars, called them cougars.
	My friend at Heliozilla coined the phrase, and we go out and fuck these, the sales guys would go out and fuck these hideous beasts, these 45-year-olds, which when we were 21 was like golden girls.
	Like it was just unthinkable you'd fuck a 45-year-old.
	You didn't even know what her tits would be like.
	And we did it for ads, and it worked.
	So power corrupts, absolute power corrupts, absolutely.
	And when women are in power, I don't know, I think they're more abusive with this power than men.
	And they fucking make you eat them out.
	Gays too.
	Who?
	We got Rayland Lund.
	Hello?
	Yeah, on the topic of that Zach Galfanakis fart, search Mike Ditka farts.
	The black dude on there is named Chris Carter.
	He has the perfect black dude reaction.
	And Chris Berman, he's like the host of the show.
	He tries to hide it even existed by like tilting his head and like looking away and closing his eyes.
	It's pretty funny.
	All right, thanks.
	Yeah, let's look that up and not stop till we find it.
	Oh, you already got it.
	Wow, that's pretty fast.
	Yeah, that's what I was doing.
	You know what?
	Two fart stories, though, before we get started.
	My buddy Mike, we're at this bar and he lets this brutal fart.
	This is in my hometown, not my hometown, I live in the suburbs in Westchester, so it's a tiny bar.
	And he just lets a huge fart that fucking, it wasn't loud, but it reeked.
	And it reeked into a radius of about this.
	So I go, did you just fucking, holding my beer, did you just fucking fart?
	Actually, it was a pint glass.
	Did you just fucking fart?
	And he goes, yeah, what, you never farted before?
	And I go, well, I've farted many, many times today, actually.
	But in public?
	Like, that's like wearing perfume.
	That's like Ryan wearing cologne.
	What the fuck are you doing?
	And he goes, I had a fart.
	You never farted before?
	It was so weird.
	So we just had to sit there and endure it for the one minute a fart takes.
	Similarly, my dad came to visit at a different bar.
	You know the one I'm talking about?
	It's closest to my house.
	And that bar, if you recall, is very quiet.
	They rarely play music.
	And it's all old people at this bar.
	It's my kind of bar.
	And he just lets a fart, I'll be totally accurate and scientific about the volume.
	Okay, ready?
	He's sitting on a bar stool.
	That loud.
	That loud.
	And I go, Dad, what the fuck are you doing?
	And he goes, I go, is this what happens when you're 74?
	You just let one rip?
	There's like ladies there.
	There's women in this bar.
	And you just let a super loud trumpet rip.
	They didn't mind at all, by the way.
	I guess they do it too.
	And he just goes like this.
	And drinks his beer.
	Just shrugs and chugs.
	Farts, shrugs, and chugs.
	That's my old man.
	All right, sorry, get back to the mic.
	Diner drives and dives.
	I was from Philly, but they got rid of me, so I'm going with the Giants.
	Let's see if the Giants win there in first.
	If the Eagles win, they're in first.
	That was loud, dude.
	That was intense.
	And he moved.
	They got rid of me, so I'm going with the Giants.
	Let's see if the Giants win there in first.
	If the Eagles win, they're in first.
	Are we going to be like that when we're old?
	Just letting him.
	I need to see that again.
	Okay.
	Look at his face.
	He's like, yeah.
	So I'm going with the Giants.
	Maybe retaining your hair at that age is bad because you don't realize how incredibly old the man is.
	He's basically the dude in up.
	His face is doing a lot.
	I'm about to have a furred.
	Yeah, his face is doing a lot.
	I got the gas coming, boys.
	Hang on to your socks, colored fella.
	I'm about to blast some chocolate of my own.
	Check this out.
	This is a zoom-in and a slow-mo.
	Okay.
	Now he's panicking right now.
	Here comes.
	No, I think it started when he laughed.
	He's like, uh-oh.
	He's like, here comes.
	No, no, no.
	It started with the laugh because that was the stomach muscle.
	But you know, there's nothing to laugh about.
	That's a nervous laugh.
	He didn't say anything funny.
	The other guy.
	He's like, Yeah, he did get it.
	This is when he realizes it's coming.
	Wait a minute, dude.
	Thank you very much for bringing this up, Caller.
	Because you notice the intense volume?
	That again sounds like it's on a mic.
	It does.
	But maybe somebody had boosted that.
	Maybe that someone boosted the Conan one.
	Okay.
	No, but it wasn't a fart clip.
	That's the only thing.
	Is you happened to find that.
	Am I the first person to ask about that?
	Conan fart.
	Conan farts on camera.
	Conan Italy, Twitter.
	There's no Conan fart, Zach.
	I think we started our docks.
	Docs.
	or Doc.
	He actually realizes that the fart happened, too.
	He doesn't acknowledge it in fast mode.
	It's like my dad at that bar.
	He doesn't give a shit.
	No, I don't have a fart.
	But the other guy, though.
	No, he does acknowledge it.
	The black guy?
	In real time?
	Yeah, his face is.
	Can you fucking believe this?
	Yeah.
	How did I end up at this job?
	It's hard to catch up.
	Keep your eye on eyebrows.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So I'm going with the Giants.
	Let's see if the Giants win there in first.
	If the Eagles win.
	Yeah, he totally does.
	Can you believe this shit?
	Okay, next caller.
	Let's wrap it up soon.
	Can you believe this shit?
	Eric.
	Eric trying to figure out hardcore.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, what are your feelings about true hardcore from the East Coast?
	Like DMS?
	You got Scarhead, you got Mad Ball, you got bands like from Boston, like Blood for Blood.
	What are your feelings about these bands?
	I think they're fucking wonderful.
	They're fantastic.
	When I grew up, we had our own little scene.
	So, as is with all pure hardcore, you don't leave your area because it's not about rock stars and you don't care about London and New York.
	But I've since discovered a lot of New York hardcore, and that stuff came a little bit after me.
	But DMS, wonderful dudes.
	Sheer terror seemed to have beef with us via Proud Boys.
	I don't know why.
	They have this obsession with like, we're not Nazis, we're not racist.
	Maybe because they wear Fred Perry's and stuff.
	But those dudes, like, what's his name?
	Freddie Madball and Vinny Stigma and Sick of It All.
	You know what people don't realize about those guys?
	They're all fucking hilarious.
	When you hear Sick of It All riff and the shit they do, they're really fucking funny.
	And I think it might be being in a tour van with a bunch of guys and going around America again and again and again.
	You end up becoming a ninja riffer.
	But Gorilla Biscuits, Anthony Civarelli did my whole back tattoo.
	Wonderful guys, great people.
	Fucking John Cro-Maggs is one of the coolest people I've ever met.
	You have to do his walking punk to her.
	What is going on with her stupid hair?
	What a poser.
	I don't know how you do that even.
	That's crazy.
	Soap.
	This is sick of it all, the band.
	And she's just punk for this particular interview.
	No tattoos.
	Can't even dye her hair.
	She wants to be normal the next day.
	She got thick.
	Sick of it all are really into 9-11 trutherism, which used to bother me, but I might be becoming a truther slowly but surely.
	Anyway, what's his fucking name?
	John Cromag.
	He did Meeters for Pussies, and he does the punk tours.
	My brain doesn't work with when I'm on the mic for some reason.
	It's a weird thing.
	John Joseph.
	Jesus Christ.
	John Joseph.
	One of the best guys I've ever met in my life.
	Grew up as an orphan in New York City.
	Amazing dude.
	Anyway, great music, great guys.
	There he is.
	One of the best guys ever.
	I wish he'd had kids.
	He would have been a fucking awesome dad.
	I think he ended up adopting his brother's kid and then got fucked over.
	He's been fucked over, brutally fucked over since he was a kid a million times.
	And he just keeps getting fired, getting in trouble, being brave, and never stop fighting.
	Great writer, too.
	Anyway, we got Jeff on the line.
	Jeff.
	Yeah, hello.
	I noticed you accent a lot on fathers, but the other day when your father walked in the studio, you shoot him away.
	And every now and then, can we have a drink with Jimmy, please?
	We love him.
	We love you, Gavin, and we love Brian, but can we have a drink with Jimmy every now and then?
	That's a great point.
	Yeah.
	And he was so drunk when he was here last time that the idea of us sitting together and doing an interview just seemed like superfluous.
	Plus, my mom was everywhere.
	They're going through weird shit right now.
	In fact, I think he literally shit to bed the other day.
	Wow.
	It'll happen.
	But yeah, he's a great guy.
	I think what a lot of Americans don't understand about Scottish relationships is self-deprecation is big.
	He always calls himself an ugly old bald man.
	But shitting on each other is a form of affection.
	So like when we go to my, when I bring him to a bar, I go, this is my grandfather.
	He can't understand you.
	I go, dad, this is a bar I drink at.
	People here, ah, forget it.
	It's a waste of time.
	And a lot of people go, oh, shit, I guess it's dad's, you know?
	But that's the way that Scottish people talk to their dads.
	If I was nice to him, he'd think I was a pussy.
	We got Andrew talking about 21 Savage.
	What's up, Andrew?
	Yeah.
	What's up, Gavin?
	What's up, Ryan?
	Hello.
	So a question I have is, so there's a song by 21 Savage.
	I don't want to play the song because I don't know if you guys will get sued for it, but it is called My Choppa Hates Niggas.
	And literally the song goes Crip.
	It goes Red, Blue, Crip, Crip or Blood.
	It goes, I call my K a K because my Choppa hates niggas.
	So my thoughts are like, imagine if it was a white guy singing this.
	Impossible.
	Like, I feel like I would be like simply turned off.
	Thank you for that, Call.
	That's his dog?
	Hates black people?
	You know what I heard about that?
	That dogs are kind of colorblind, so black people look really intense to them.
	Yeah, just intense.
	Yeah, it's just like that is a person.
	Whereas we, like me, look at me right now.
	I kind of blend into this.
	Yeah, you really do, though.
	Yeah, I'm part of this display.
	The fact that I move shows you where I am.
	So just the contrast.
	Yeah, but that goes back to that cop who was calling saying, if I touched a woman's pussy, yeah, black people can say different things.
	Women can do different things.
	I don't know.
	Where do you draw the line?
	Where do you stop?
	When do you go?
	I want to do a song that says my dog hates ends.
	Is 21 Savage a white man?
	No, it's a black rapper, dumbass.
	You just found that out by Googling that, didn't you?
	Yeah, but I don't have to know that.
	I'm half a century old.
	I don't keep up with poison culture.
	Sorry.
	Poison culture.
	I'm a Christian.
	Joe from Arizona.
	When did you last go to church?
	Oh, it doesn't matter.
	You practice in your home.
	You read the Bible.
	When did you last read the Bible?
	The other day.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Tuesday.
	Joe from Arizona.
	What's up, Joe?
	Hey, so I'm calling about, I got a couple of friends.
	They're kind of conservative, but neither of them are very political.
	And I was just wondering if you guys could kind of show them or kind of do a special about like Tommy Robinson, because they kind of seem like they're into that.
	Thanks.
	All right.
	To kind of wrap up his whole- Can't they just Google Tommy Robinson?
	I suppose.
	Ezra Levant, his coverage of Tommy is the perfect introduction to him.
	And it's always a who, what, when, why, why at the beginning, very concise.
	And if someone is in curious about politics, why force it on them?
	It is esoteric.
	I'm not sure it's for everyone, especially broads, suffragates.
	Let's look up how to get while we get our next call.
	I think it's a hard G, but that's just my guess.
	Cody and politics.
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	So, me and my girlfriend started dating right around the election.
	And she, of course, was a liberal and voted for Hillary.
	I didn't really say anything about it.
	She let it go.
	We've argued about it here and there.
	But just like you guys said, you shouldn't talk about it with your girlfriend.
	But I always just play you guys in the car, and whenever I have my phone, play the podcast or whatever.
	Didn't ever think she was listening until about a month ago.
	We were sitting at a baseball game, and this fucking cuck, asshole, pussy, sits down next to me and started talking about bullshit, liberal stuff.
	And she leans over to my ear and says, that's the beta male that Gas is always talking about.
	And I was like, she was fucking listening.
	So, just want to let you guys know, you're red-pilling my girlfriend.
	Thank you guys.
	Bye.
	Good to know.
	Here we go.
	Suffragette.
	Suffragette.
	Hard G. RG.
	Yeah.
	RG.
	That's a hard G to you?
	Suffragette.
	Yeah.
	A soft G is suffragette.
	No?
	Yeah.
	A hard G is g.
	No, I believe a hard G is j.
	What?
	Am I. Sometimes you make me doubt my own brain.
	So it's okay to be wrong.
	That's a hard G. This is.
	By the way, let's say you're not right about this.
	That's not you being wrong.
	This is you learning.
	We're watching you learn.
	We're not watching you be wrong.
	You gotta look at it on the bright side.
	The hard g sound.
	Wait.
	G. Gift.
	That's hard G?
	Yeah, you fucking retard.
	It's intuitive.
	I didn't know that.
	Because it sounds harder to go j.
	Clearly, hard is g, and it would be j.
	No.
	Well, yeah, it obviously is.
	Were you ever in any kind of car accident as a young man?
	No.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	But it wasn't.
	Next caller, please.
	We're dealing with head injuries now.
	So it's suffragette Topher.
	Hey, what's up, fellas?
	Hey, man.
	Hey, man.
	The best on-camera fart I ever heard is when Max Kellerman on ESPN, he farts through then, tries to cover it up with a cough.
	It's hilarious.
	Yeah, that rings a bell.
	I know you guys are probably running out of.
	That rings a bell.
	Thanks for calling, Carler.
	Let's look that up.
	We're becoming fart buffs.
	This is great.
	This is great.
	I think I remember this.
	This is on ESPN.com, by the way.
	Wait, is that the same?
	No, it's a different guy.
	Different than eyebrows.
	Yeah, this is.
	A lot of sports farts.
	Oh, a lot of folks.
	A lot of farts and sports.
	A lot of farts and sports.
	It's a big deal.
	It's a big deal.
	I personally would have preferred it not been called because watching them compete, knowing how Patrick Beverly is, I didn't see non-basketball plays, Max, take place.
	I didn't see clothes hang, you know, somebody get headlined, you know, clothesline or anything like that.
	They were basketball plays.
	Stephen A. Smith talking.
	And even on that particular play.
	He's a farmer was being thrown to Patrick Beverly and Kevin Durant.
	Trick Beverly was being physical with him.
	So in that regard, I do think that.
	You will?
	This is a six-minute clip.
	We have to find it.
	It's in this clip somewhere, and there's no time code for it, so I could do better than this.
	Let me see.
	Yeah, find another one.
	We got to take one more call.
	Okay.
	Then it's time to go.
	I got this on Twitter.
	Let me ask you something, folks at home.
	This is me looking into the camera.
	And I think as a TV show host, I should look into the camera.
	I actually taped a picture of Mickey Mouse to the camera to remind me to look at Mickey.
	So this is me looking at you.
	Now, here is me looking at the monitor that I have placed directly behind the camera.
	Ready?
	Watch my eyeballs, okay?
	Looking at the camera, looking at the camera, looking at myself.
	Now, is this distracting?
	Is this annoying to you for me to talk like this?
	Because it's sort of my general tendency.
	I can see where my hands are going to go this way, but I have to discipline myself to go that way.
	Do you care?
	Is this drastically different from this?
	I don't know.
	This is damn thing.
	Farts on air, then passes plane.
	This is crazy, man.
	The New York Post, I hate the way they do these stupid info graphics.
	That guy looks like a farter.
	Yeah.
	Says is that Draymond usually arguing and fighting with the rats.
	Oh, that's it.
	Arguing and fighting with the rats.
	Says is that Draymond usually arguing and fighting with the rats.
	When I heard the cough, he's usually arguing and fighting with the rats.
	Says is that Draymond usually arguing and fighting with the rats.
	It's a very loud cough and a very quiet fart.
	That's in a way more than a microphone fart.
	Says is that Draymond usually arguing and fighting with the Bronx.
	I don't hear that fart.
	Okay, wait, here, one more time.
	The arguing that says is that Draymond's usually arguing that Okay, we got to put the headphones on.
	No, I understand you.
	I can sort of hear it.
	It's like a jeans fart.
	That's like a rumble in the Bronx.
	That's an away from the Rumble in the Jungle.
	So that kind of deletes the fart of the Conan.
	And what was the other fart that you thought?
	The other fart was another sports fart.
	It was that before that there was one more, too.
	The Bears guy, the Cubs guy, whatever.
	Mike Ditka.
	Galifinakis is out.
	No, what do you mean out?
	Then what was that sound?
	It was too mic'd.
	I understand why you don't think it was a fart, but I need to know what it was, if you will.
	I think it was...
	and just like because what was he talking about?
	Yeah, that's an okay theory.
	Because he said shoot him away.
	One more call?
	That sucks.
	That's the end of my doc.
	No, no, it's not.
	It's just the beginning.
	Because you were tired of fake fucking.
	I've got a million calls.
	Sorry, guys.
	Yeah.
	I got to take my kids' boxing.
	I'll do an after-show where I take all the calls.
	You want that to happen?
	Am I too drunk?
	You fuck up everything, and you've done one.
	We said you could do a second episode of Ryan's mailbag.
	You haven't got around to it.
	I prepped for it.
	I have a long document with all really.
	Write-up for the first mailbag was get on your feet, soldiers.
	Or just on your feet, soldiers.
	Yeah.
	So it's more of a teaser.
	That's not what write-ups are so people can go, oh, that was that episode?
	All right, let's take one more call, and we got to split.
	All right, Brian, City Lights Cut Like a Knife.
	Hey, Gavin, did you end up finding that song you were asking about all those episodes ago?
	I don't remember which one you're talking about.
	I don't remember which one you're talking about.
	You were saying there's a song from the 80s that went City Lights Cut Like a Knife?
	City Lights!
	Yeah, I did find that.
	Yeah.
	Oh, okay.
	All right.
	Figured out what to ask.
	Anyway, y'all, have a great day.
	Okay, bye.
	Wait, is that City Lights?
	Fantasy.
	It's fantasy.
	It's like a fantasy.
	Yeah.
	Fantasy by...
	I don't give a shit.
	It's awesome.
	I love that song.
	Thanks for tuning in, guys.
	It's been two hours.
	It's been real.
	It's been fun.
	It has been real fun.

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