(Part 2 only on Censored.tv) That's where we get to do stuff that YouTube would poo-poo us for. GOML LIVE streams on Censored.TV every Thursday, taking your calls and hitting on all the things that are fun and good. GOML LIVE #15 | TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME Before we peel back all the layers of the TDS onion we try to figure out if we just heard a fart on Conan. Powertie joins us to discuss his viral video but we hang up on him because it was taking away from the beauty of his art. Then, we take a huge pile of calls including one from Nate Ober where we could barely make out his stupid face.
And as far as the YouTube shit goes, then just smash the subscribe.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
That was a record for how quickly you shut that off.
Yeah, because it sucked.
You didn't let it drop.
You know what that sounds like?
It sounds like a Russian news show.
And welcome back to Vladivostok, the only English-speaking Russian news channel in all of Shabringovic.
We are here.
Our budget is not fantastic.
I'm not going to lie to you.
The guy who makes our music also is co-host of show, also does lighting and everything.
His name, he plugs his show whenever he can.
Groups together to how many subscribers you have on YouTube.
How many subscribers say English?
He's English speaking show.
Yes.
3.69 K. 3.69K.
That's metric.
Metric numbers he gives about his...
Yeah.
You didn't hear it drop.
Let's hear it drop.
Okay.
In air quotes.
Here comes.
Spooky.
Yeah.
Spooky.
That slaps, as the kids say.
Drop the beat.
Oh.
Boop, boop.
Yeah, you caught that.
All right.
Has it dropped yet?
Is it dark in here?
Yeah, yeah.
And it's getting that goes back to the chorus.
You are a European.
You're a European bobe.
Hey, you guys want to go down to the disco?
We're having a total outside the rave party.
Even though it's 2019, we're still totally raving, you guys.
Why are you into rave?
Do you go to Burning Man?
No.
Do you walk around with little fur boots?
No, it's just because a little Jesus Christ loincloth and some fucking giant bullhorns on your head.
Clearly, you're on a roll, so I'm not going to infest this with truth.
Clearly, you're on a roll, if you will.
The lighting's a little dim.
That's my bad.
We'll fix it and turn off the stupid AC.
Hello, folks.
Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
It's a very special episode we have every Thursday.
We go free.
We're going to go free for the first, I don't know, 45 minutes or so right before we take calls.
I'm going to cut you.
Cut you off.
And only people behind the paywall can watch the full show.
You can watch the full show every fucking day if you subscribe to free speech.tv, 10 bucks a month.
And if you use the promo code nothing at all, you can get it for $100 a year.
And it's endless content.
It's not just me.
We got Soph here.
We got Joe Biggs.
We also have twice a month we have a special episode where we bring in a massive guest like, say, Cornell West and Candace Owens.
And then we have Milo's show that I think we're going to move up to once a week.
Although he ain't cheap.
Those fancy lads from London, England tend to have a price that matches.
Ezra Levant.
There's all the different ones we've had.
Roger Stone and Mark Lamont Hill and Michael Eric Dyson and Michelle Malkin.
That was a good one.
Gina Belafonte and Ann Coulter.
Every time I see that, I get pissed off.
Because after we were done the discussion, which was so guarded and safe that it's not out of the park controversial, Ann goes, we should have talked about sex.
And Gina's daughter is like 22 or something.
Gina Belafonte, of course, is the daughter of Harry Belafonte.
She grew up in the largest apartment in New York City.
Really?
22 rooms.
Wow.
I go, that's a hotel.
Multiple floors, I'm guessing.
Yes, Ryan.
It didn't take up seven city blocks with weird glass bridges to each different block.
Okay.
And yeah, I didn't ask her about that either.
And they could have talked about sex.
Anne is fascinating when it comes to sex.
She talks about the problem with all this consent is that men are too scared to go near you anymore.
And in the old days, you could sort of go, woohoo, get your hands off me, you cad.
And even if you stayed over at his house, the next morning, you could have the sheets up to your tits and be like, you're incorrigible.
Oh, I never.
And then go home and you're still chased.
And he's the bad guy.
Now, it's like, look, here's the deal.
I'll fuck you third date.
We'll do anal fourth date.
I'll suck your ass.
Third date.
And you're like, eh, I really don't want to start making love to Vinnie Bombasito.
I'm not horny anymore.
So yeah, we'll be taking calls and things of that nature, as rappers like to say.
But before we get started, I cannot.
Let me just triple check.
I got the right sponsors here.
That's not very good.
That's not very good podcasting.
I cannot say enough about Bet DSI.
We talked about the fight last Saturday with Spence and Porter.
It wasn't the best fight in the world.
Although, and I know I bully you when it comes to boxing, but look up the Spence-Porter fight outfits.
Because I think it was Spence who was wearing a gold vest, articulated vest that looked exactly like, remember that Avengers where those aliens come down from outer space through a portal that I think Tony Stark opened up and the Hulk and Everyone has to get together and punch the aliens in the face.
So it's Errol Spence Jr. come-on outfit, I guess you'd call it.
His was this vest that was made up of different sections, and the back of it went down below his ass like a tail, exactly like those aliens I'm talking about.
I got that pick right there.
Is that not the vest?
No, dude, that's a normal vest.
We're already fighting very early on into the game.
I think it was definitely not Porter, or maybe it was Porter.
Sean Porter, vest, Spence, fight, you know, keywords.
And I bet on Spence on that fight.
And the problem with these fights in LA is they go so long that they don't start until midnight New York time.
So by the time that I was, they had come to a decision, I just sort of saw brown blobs on the screen.
And I don't really remember even who won.
I haven't even collected on this bet.
I'm actually just remembering it right now.
Okay, you're frustrating me.
Sean Porter, the come on outfitty war.
Can I just complain about Ryan for a little while?
Last week we had a big fight where I said, do this video of you being Trump in the 80s and you as Trump in 2020.
And then I look over and it says 80s Trump, Trump 2019.
I said, no, no, no.
I told you, write Trump 1980, Trump 2020.
Okay, got it.
And then it comes out and it doesn't say that.
And I go, what's going on?
And he goes, well, it wasn't 2020.
That was 2019.
And he has excuses later.
So you'll say something.
He'll go, got it.
No problem.
And then you'll get the thing and it's the opposite of the thing.
Like this morning, he goes, I'm going to be at breakfast.
You want something?
And he goes, what about, I go, let's skip basic.
Let's just do our eggs, our cheese, our bacon.
You know, I wish there was a McDonald's nearby.
There is, he says, there isn't.
So I go, let's keep.
And he goes, what about turkey?
I go, turkey's too adventurous for breakfast.
Breakfast, your stomach's sensitive.
You want to ease your way into it.
I'm confused.
What are you doing?
I type sporter.
I mean, Sean Porter Spence vest.
Come on.
Then I put Sean Porter vest.
Then I put gold vest, maybe try it.
Gold vest.
Come on, music.
Sean Porter.
Anyway, he goes, yeah, let's get some turkey.
I go, turkey's too adventurous, dude.
Your stomach isn't ready for an adventure until maybe 2 p.m.
And he goes, all right, if I find this, I am going to stab you.
I want you to find it and get stabbed.
I want both of them.
And I go, also, that boxing does not Google well.
That place that we usually get our breakfast from, I think that's all illegals there.
There's a new guy.
He seems American.
Let's go to him next door because I think the previous one went bankrupt because they couldn't compete with the low wages next door.
Support local trade.
Support American cafes.
And he goes, okay, got it, boss.
No turkey.
Go to the new guy.
Comes back, turkey sandwiches for everyone from the old illegal aliens place, which is now illegal to say in New York.
And I go, that's why you're dumb.
Because information doesn't go in.
I used to know this dude who was pretty dumb.
And we were talking about Bob Geldof, the singer of the Boomtown Rats.
And we were wondering, my wife and I, how is he so rich?
The Boomtown Rats had one hit, I Don't Like Mondays.
And no other songs really went anywhere.
And they were around in the 80s back when you didn't really make that much money.
So why is he rich?
And then we looked it up on the internet.
It turns out he was one of the pioneers of reality television.
And he got involved not just in copywriting these various shows, but also in new media.
And he caught the first reality TV wave.
Gotcha.
So my dumb friend's original theory was, it's because he's a sir.
And I go, what?
That's just some gay nomenclature that the queen gives you.
All right, you're a sir.
Go away, Sir Elton John, Sir Paul McCartney.
You had some good songs.
And we look it up.
No, it's new media and reality TV, dude.
And he goes, no, I think it's the sir thing.
I go, wait a minute.
You don't make money from being a sir.
He goes, no, I think you get a stipend from the queen.
I go, what are you, 10?
I'm the queen of England.
I have big bags of money.
Here's some money, sir.
All my sirs get a big bag of gold coins every month.
And the fact that he stuck to his sir thing after we had information is the same way Ryan sticks to his turkey in the morning or even his tuke.
He had too, too many tukies when we did that Puerto Rico.
Too many tukies.
Too many tukis, too many turkeys.
Not enough information.
Coming up.
This is from who?
I guess he's going for Gladiator thing.
Are you not entertained?
I bet on Spence.
Can you just say who won?
Wait, wait, keep going with that ridiculous vest and his ridiculous walk.
What are you doing, dude?
Do you think you're Caesar?
It's really getting into the vest.
By the way, if you're trying to get your wife into boxing, make sure you show her this part of the game.
And she can see it's like Voguing and they're drag queens.
And then she gets excited about the outfits.
Especially Deontay Welder, who comes out dressed like Shredder, but encrusted in diamonds.
You got to see the back of this thing.
Anyway, this is all to start with Bet DSI read.
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There it is.
Yeah, you saw the vague for a second there.
It's like that hissing cockroach from Madagascar.
Yeah, yeah.
By the way, you'll notice in movies when they say, here's some roaches.
I eat roaches.
I'm a monster or whatever.
It's always the Madagascar hissing cockroaches.
Because those are the only ones you can buy online.
Actual cockroaches that we have in our house, well, not me personally, you know, the lower classes.
They look nothing like that.
So who won that fight?
The fight that I watched every minute of?
You really did?
Yeah.
I think Spence beat Porter.
Spence beat Porter.
You know, Spence, I think, is known as a boxer and Porter is known as a fighter.
They both look like fighters to me.
That whole night was brawls.
What's the difference?
A boxer is like, boop, boop, boop, boop.
Oh, move, move, the sweet science.
And then a fighter is just in a fight.
Like Mike Tyson, I would call a fighter.
Yep.
And then there's brawlers, right?
Then there's like Butterbean.
Butterbean's a fighter.
Anyway, go to betdsi.com.
Use the promo code Gavin.
And you will get a limited time, 100% bonus offer, plus a $25 free wager to test the waters.
Don't miss out.
And go make some extra cash betting this season.
Wait a minute.
So who did I bet on?
Spence?
And who won?
Porter?
Sean Porter lost.
That's good.
So you won?
I won.
I can't even remember how much I bet.
That's the fun thing about betting, too.
Once you're betting and you're excited about it, then it all happens.
Unless you get shit-faced.
Then you can't remember the fight.
And that's the problem with fights on the West Coast.
By 12, us dads who have to get up with the kids at 7 a.m., we're toast.
Especially if we've been drinking.
Thanks to Loaf Michaels on Parlor, by the way, for telling me to search entrance music.
Sean Porter entrance music.
So you're so bad at your job that people at home are contacting you during the show and telling you how to do your job.
But I'm such a nice guy.
I gave credit to him.
Front page of the post today.
Fighting words.
Fighting words.
Maybe you could read this as Trump, Ryan.
Fighting words.
I can't see the font.
It sounds strange to say I'm energized, but I love it.
I love it.
Oh, I see.
President Trump talks to Michael Goodwin, who, if you know the Post, is like the major, the main guy.
He goes back to the old days.
He got cut his chops at the New York Times.
Like another great American journalist, Bill McGowan, who wrote two books, shitting on the New York Times.
I think he got a start at the Times.
See, The Times is two things.
There's Arthur Salzberg Sr., who was maybe a little liberal, but was fair.
That's back in the 60s liberals, where they were about free speech and stuff.
The Dave Rubin, Jordan Peterson type liberals, back when they were cool.
Cornell West is one of those guys.
I get along with those guys.
They just want too much fucking welfare.
They're too socialist.
It's the new ones that suck.
But that's the old New York Times.
Then his son Pinch took it over.
His son's a rich kid.
And so his son went on a diversity tangent and started hiring people based on their ethnicity and their gender.
And he turned the paper into a total fucking shithole that Bill McGowan wrote Grey Lady Down and coloring the news, lampooning them.
And now they suck so bad that even the left hates them.
That's the problem with getting into bed with the alt-left.
They're insatiable.
And they're going to turn on you at some point.
Don't hire women.
And definitely don't hire trannies.
Hey, speaking of socialism, have you got that video of not a cock fight, but a butt fight?
Do you remember that?
I can't remember if it's in the notes or not.
The cock butt fight.
Yeah.
In the prison.
It might be at the very end.
No, it's not at the very end.
Where did I put that?
Prison guards.
Yeah, that's it.
Prison guards.
This is not a cock fight, it's a butt fight.
And this is what socialism generates.
You got to hear the audio at the beginning, though, because the prison guards are laughing.
There we go.
Yeah, I think the headline of this was socialism, kids.
Prison guards laugh as cockfight happens on naked prisoners?
Yeah, the translation for that is like, this is hard to watch, but we can't look away.
Yeah, we cannot turn away.
It's another violation of human rights in Venezuela.
No, it's not an example of human rights being violated in Venezuela.
It's an example of socialism.
This is what you end up with.
So many people in prison that you lie them on their bellies and they're hip to hip.
And then you get so bored and there's no law and order.
There's nothing.
So you say, let's have a cockfight.
And then your buddy goes, what about this?
What about a cockfight on a bunch of butts?
Bare butts.
And then instead of going, oh, you're insane.
You can't work here anymore.
The friend goes, let's do this.
I think I want to get into cockfights.
Not hitting my penis against other peni, but like cockfights.
Do they happen in, you're Puerto Rican?
Do they happen in New York?
I don't.
I'm sure some places in America.
Let's get into the cockfight scene.
That's my new goal.
All right.
That's something I want to conquer.
Weird thing to conquer.
At my gym downstairs, it's a big grocery store that I think is mostly Dominican, and they have this table that you bring to your picnics that's like 70 bucks.
It's a really nice fold-out table that's wood, oak, and stained, and it's like Dominican Republic and the flag and stuff.
But the main image is two roosters like, haha!
fighting each other.
I thought, I want to know, I want to be a cockfight guy.
Imagine you have your cock that's your main cock.
You'd have to like take care of it and raise it on.
Like, I'm basically gay.
I have my top cock.
Not exactly fun in games.
Yeah, maybe you breed them like horses?
Maybe you know their names.
Oh, there's old Feathertail again.
He's a Welterweight champion.
I love how people are outraged about this.
It's unethical as they eat a chicken sandwich.
Okay, that's good.
New goal.
Speaking of Trump, by the way, we're Going to be.
I had an epiphany that I wrote down most of that we're going to show later on where we explain Trump derangement syndrome and who's behind it.
We also, I'm going to get Nate Ober on the show.
I might have Joy Villa on the show in Pai Mini.
Nope.
Oh, shoot, can we reschedule just waking up?
Farts.
Actually, we'll still be on the air.
We just won't give the people this.
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
What is with brads and them needing an hour to get ready?
Yeah, they got their own swords.
Like, even wash your face, put on your makeup.
How long can it take to put on makeup?
20 minutes, Max?
That should mean 2.45.
Zvanzik Mnuten.
What does that mean?
20 minutes.
Gotcha.
German.
Yes?
Remember that power tie thing?
Yep, yep.
So let's power tie.
What was the first video I did of his?
Well, the first one that you became familiar with was the Braveheart one.
And I think he'll probably explain it, but remember that?
I discovered this guy, basically.
Right.
All right.
Do you remember this?
I probably retweeted it because I'm in it.
Is that correct?
I'm slightly biased towards things within.
He was a man of peace.
The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House.
Yeah, there I am.
But I'm president and they're not.
That's a lot of work.
Yeah.
keep showing it when they threatened his world and the woman he loved he was driven to war You just pause.
That's the impetus for the movie Braveheart, and it was the impetus for a lot of the rebellions the Scots had against the English.
Who's the fuckwad who came up with the idea of English noblemen can bone Scotsmen's wives the night of their marriage?
What were you thinking?
Of course you're going to get killed, dumbass.
You know what the beginning of the slavery rebellion was in Haiti, where they ended up slaughtering thousands of white women and children, and the new black leaders were drinking white people's blood out of their skulls.
You know what started that slaughter?
Some shit for brains said, you know, these slaves are spoiled rotten.
Every Sunday we let them go to church and worship the silly voodoo gods.
Let's reduce that to zero days off.
I'm not advocating for slavery here.
I'm just saying you're abusing the shit out of someone, and then some rich kid like Uday Hussein type kid decides, let's ramp it up a little bit and just put him one last screw.
Let's just, I'm not fucking him hard enough.
Let me put one up the ass too.
And then eventually, people snap.
Anyway, sorry, that was a total tangent.
I don't like them putting chemicals in the water to earn the freaking frogs game.
Get out of here.
Go hug the mommy.
Go home to the mommy.
Dude, that is better than the movie.
Oh, man.
Is Trump better than Raymark?
I would say.
*laughs*
It's Ty.
Diamond Silk.
That is so good.
So good.
Frankly, so good.
Did you see?
This is also in the news before we get back to, what's his name?
Pie Tie?
Power Tie.
Power Tie.
So there's that, look at this picture.
What is that?
Look at this photograph.
Which, by the way, speaking of Ryan and his unbelievably bad taste in music, huge Nickelback fan.
It's not a huge Nickelback fan.
They are good.
They drink.
They are good, frankly.
And they've been with me since middle school.
I don't care.
So has Veneeri Awards.
That doesn't mean it's good.
But it's.
You love Nickelback.
When people are making fun of someone, they go, he's the kind of guy who likes Nickelback.
You're a type of guy.
Yeah, and that's, you know what?
That's mob mentality.
That's crowdthink.
And that you're a sheep.
Okay?
I'm just going to say you're a sheep.
Since when did everybody have in France?
Entrails?
Tripe?
Head cheese.
I hate tripe.
That's mob mentality.
It has nothing to do, of course, with pigs' entrails being disgusting.
It's because I'm just following the herd.
That's why I hate liver worst.
When did this hate?
And fucking Brussels Sprouts.
I don't know.
They work hard.
They're hard-working men.
They're good.
Yeah, hard-working men.
A lot of hits.
A lot of hits.
Frankly.
People grab on them all the time.
Look at this photograph.
So look at this.
So they did a well, let me show you the viral thing first.
I think it's after Trump tweet removed, Mountain Dew Dorito Band.
Oh, that's...
That's my line.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Ryan, before we started filming, said, people call Nickelback like a Mountain Dew Dorito band.
And I go, yeah, because they are.
So look at that.
So Trump retweeted Powertie's video that we haven't shown you yet, but is awesome.
And then Nickelback had it removed because it was good for Trump.
But if you scroll down, you'll see that it still exists.
Yeah.
We're mixing two things up here.
The Nickelback one was it was totally separate from the Nickelback one.
Yep.
Totally separate from Power Tie.
Yes, that's true.
So go back to the Nickelback one.
Sorry, I'm not being very consistent here.
Oh, and the reason I meant, I'll tell you the link, because Donald Trump retweeted this, look at this photograph thing, but he also retweeted Powertie's thing.
So I'm sort of going in reverse order here.
So let's go to the look at this photograph one.
Can you find it?
It's the second link right there.
There we go.
Yeah, there we go.
Have you ever spoken to your son about his overseas business dealings?
I've never spoken to my son about his overseas business dealings.
Look at this photograph.
Every time I do it makes me laugh.
How did our eyes get so red?
What the hell is Andrew Wizard?
You like that band?
Yeah.
How did our eyes get so red?
And as we lie beneath the stars, we realize how small we can.
You know, not doing a good job of.
Look at that head on Joyce.
I can make Stay with Heaven sound stupid.
She's right, Stay with Dammit.
I can make cool things sound stupid.
He's kind of like a weird Bob, like he's a page from the 14th century.
No, he doesn't look good.
He dresses like he has the plague.
Yeah, no.
He does look like he's ill from some sort of 16th century illness.
So anyway, Trump retweeted that.
It got shut down.
And Trump retweeted Powertie's newest video, which is like this aha thing where they have to draw on every frame.
And it's fucking beautiful.
Like, it's going to be hard for you not to tear up.
Six million views on Twitter.
Six million views since Trump retweeted it.
And I discovered this guy.
And I discovered it because I'm vain.
And I saw my face in it.
And I said, this is cool.
And this guy has good taste.
That's the thing about asslickers.
If they're around me, then I think they have good taste.
I'm not calling power tie an ass licker.
a joke, fuckhead.
I'll give you one message.
If I give you one message to hold in your hearts today, it's this.
Treat the word impossible as nothing more than motivation.
Relish the opportunity to be an outsider because it's the outsiders who change the world and who make a real and lasting difference.
The more that a broken system tells you that you're wrong, the more certain you should be that you must keep pushing ahead.
You must keep pushing forward.
So good.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
That guy's great.
It gave me Mr. Rogers vibes.
Ryan.
Okay, Tanner.
You're dealing with the most powerful man in the Western world.
In the world.
This is the head of the greatest superpower in history.
He actually is much more consequential than Braveheart.
And you decide the best comparison would be some clown in a cardigan from a children's show 50 years ago?
If you'll allow me to, I will explain very briefly.
Please don't.
He always...
Well, we have the creator of that goes by the name of PowerTie at PowerTie on Twitter.
Power Tie, is it true that the actual original pronunciation of your name is PowerTi?
That's correct.
Yes, I thought so.
Does it drive you nuts when people say Power Tie?
It really bothers me.
My family's considered changing it since we've immigrated to America.
Well, I have a cousin named Schittstain, which in Gaelic means leader of free people.
But he's having a lot of trouble in grade school here.
He's eight, and he's considering changing it.
So you guys are in the same boat.
It'll make him stronger, Gavin.
If I were to be totally honest, I would tell you that my original thought that went through my head involved making that bad word a racial epithet, but I restrained and I changed it to shit stain, which is not as funny.
How you doing?
So that thing got a lot, a lot of retweets.
Yes, it did.
The big man himself shared it, which was a pretty wild experience.
So you're on the big man's radar.
How long did that take you to make?
That took about five months.
Everyone thinks it was an effect or a video filter, but it was not.
I did it the hard way.
I had to draw everything by hand.
Huh.
It was probably hundreds of hours.
I don't know how many.
You know, this is my problem with interviewing people about great art is you demystify it, and it's like watching a woman put on her lingerie.
I'm kind of ruining.
I shouldn't have even called you.
Okay, I can hang up.
No, yeah, just hang up.
No, I think what's important is that.
Johnny Apple CBD is a pun on Johnny Appleseed.
You get it?
So it's J-A-C-B-D.
You can hang up now, Ryan.
Oh, we're really hanging up.
Yeah.
Thanks for the call, dude.
You rule.
Oh, God, you're such a pussy.
You just ruin shit, don't you?
Well, I was going to go through his replies to this because it's pretty funny.
You like thwarted, you know, battled a couple of people.
What did he say?
Well, waking life scene.
Okay.
Is it just me or as a propaganda got real lazy?
They thought it was from Trump's campaign.
Right.
So did I, actually.
Yeah.
And he said, lazy, that hurts.
I had to draw every frame by hand.
Took months.
Demand an apology.
Every frame by hand that must have killed your sex life.
And he comes back with, not everyone's sex life revolves around their hand.
Calling.
Good singers, dude.
That is good.
But again, I'm going through this weird stage where I don't see interviews as helpful.
All I did was demystify it by hearing that he drew that for months, which we kind of knew.
Maybe you asked the wrong question.
Maybe I'm a shitty interviewer.
That might be the issue here.
You should ask about sex.
So do you get laid from all this stuff?
Like, I know you're talented, but I bet you got tons of girls.
Hey, Robin.
Yeah, yeah.
JACBD.com is a place where we get our CBD.
American Made since 2015.
These products have third-party lab testing using U.S.-grown hemp.
Johnny Apple CBD will give you the greatest sleep of your life, help alleviate your anxiety, reduce your stress, and it's great for athletic recovery.
CBD is a great anti-inflammatory.
Use the ointment after a workout or a long day of defending yourself against Antifa.
By the way, I've been doing A lot of workouts, and I've noticed that when you do a bunch of arm stuff, and you'll notice the beta males they always say that you must be working out to overcome something, not just to stay in shape and be the kind of guy that can beat the shit out of someone who slaps your mom.
But I find that arm pain the next day, it feels kind of good.
Like you go, oh, good, I'm building muscles.
Leg pain, not so much.
Going up and down the stairs like George Burns, or going down the stairs, you're going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah.
I don't like that.
So though I totally advocate for you using CBD as a great anti-inflammatory, there's another way to avoid serious pain is cheat.
So if you're doing stairs at the gym and no one can see you, have a break.
Sneak out onto the roof.
I might do a video on how to box and show people all my tricks.
We should do that, yeah.
Yeah.
Like another trick I do is he goes, all right, do a heavy bag for three rounds.
Okay, coach, right away, sir.
Then I find a heavy bag that's like a blackout area, a blind spot from the coach.
Did you just change the lighting mid-show?
Yeah.
That's called continuity.
And I hit the heavy bag and then beep beep when the bell rings, the round is over, I hide there after my three rounds.
And then when it's time to get a new assignment, I give it a good 20 seconds and then walk over to the coach, even though I was hiding, and be like, hello?
He's like, oh, shit.
Okay.
How long have you been double-ended bag?
Okay.
I mean, I'm not a mind reader.
You know, does he not watch this show?
Yes.
He might not have a subscription, but he can go on YouTube.
This is the free portion.
That's how much I love you guys.
I give away my secrets.
Like, he's going to see this.
He's going to find you and be like, boxer?
What are you doing, boxer?
Another good trick, by the way, is...
One on how to box that says things like, put your headgear on slightly loose.
So when you're sparring, it goes.
And then you go, oh, shit.
Guys, look at this.
Meanwhile, the clock is ticking.
I got to get my headgear back on.
Obviously, it's not, I mean, we can't fight like this.
And then, come here, come here, come here.
And they'll get in the podcast.
I can't wait for him to hear this and then be like, keep fighting, boxer.
And you'd be like, wait, but my thing is off.
Another funny video we got to do is how to box where I say, like, here's the importance of a left hook.
You want to swivel.
You want to use your hips.
It's all in the leg.
And then I use, I demonstrate on a guy who fights me for real.
Because in every instructional video, like how to disarm someone with a knife, the guy with a knife is always like...
So it would be funny if I'm demonstrating this thing on people who just beat the shit out of me.
Right.
It takes longer than three seconds.
Yeah.
Even in fucking action movies, I can't get...
The guy about to get punched always goes like this.
Yeah.
Like, and then right before he gets punched, he's going, I'm going to get punched.
Yeah.
That's not how, you know, you go, ah, ah.
You don't go, what the fuck?
Oh no, Batman's here.
What the?
Remember we were talking yesterday about the Joker where he cuts his mouth open?
Yeah.
And the guy just goes, yeah, the guy's gone.
He's dead.
You've killed him.
How'd your friend die?
He got a cut in his mouth.
Oh, with AIDS?
Was the knife made of poo?
Well, it is conceivable that he had some kind of joker toxin.
Ooh, spooky.
Okay, that's different.
Yeah.
By the way, getting your mouth cut like this, Joker, is a bad day in Glasgow.
It's called a Glasgow smile.
And about a third of the fucking tough guys have scar, scar.
Your worst bad guy is a regular Joe in fucking Glasgow.
Just an average guy.
So if you go to CBD.com and use the promo code GAVIN at checkout, you get 20% off.
20%.
By the way, while we're still free, I should probably mention our third sponsor, Cavefe, which comes in three delicious blends.
You come in three delicious blends?
Yes.
Stupid, retarded, and annoying.
They're not delicious.
They're not really different.
This is what we drink here in the studio.
And though Ryan runs to go and get examples of these three things, we got whole bean.
Oh, wait, they're all whole bean.
We got MAGA Blend Dark Roast.
We got Drain the Swamp Medium Roast.
And we have Red Pill Light Roast.
And I'm laughing because before I bought the Grinder on Amazon for, I think, $17, were you smashing these with a hammer?
Yep.
Wait, you don't have a hammer.
No, I brought you a hammer.
Yes, yes.
But you weren't using a hammer.
You were using part of a piece of furniture.
All of my personal stash is crushed with hammers.
No, no, no.
You didn't use the hammer I bought you because you're too dumb to know that there's a hammer right there in the cupboard, which you don't even use ever.
I use toolkit.
Jacket's on your chair right now.
I got a whole toolkit.
But you, I remember it was like the base of a coffee table.
And you were putting the beans in a paper towel and then smashing them with that.
You're a fucking caveman.
Before the hammer, I was using this Stein.
Using a Stein.
You know who else used Steins?
People 500 years ago.
You're looking at me in the past.
Look how laggy this is.
Well, that's really bad.
Pretty cool.
I could fix it.
Well, that's going to come up in interviews and shit.
We might get Joy Villa.
No, no, no, no.
That's just my camp.
That's just the thing.
But by the way, this comes in ground too.
Not just whole beam, but ground.
Can you go to the Cavefe site, please?
So people can see how to spell it.
That also, everything we say, bet D Si, J A C B D.com and Cavefe has the promo code Gavin G A V I N. And I believe it gets you 20% off in each one.
So that's it.
What's the URL there?
Show the URL so people can see it.
It's doyucavifi.com.
Showing it.
Do youcavifi.com.
There you go.
Yep.
And now you can buy coffee.
You're buying coffee anyway.
Why not use our sponsors, people who make their products in America?
Actually, I don't know if Cave is made in America.
No, I think it is.
World-class blah, blah, blah.
I don't know.
It says United States right there.
It says made in the United States?
It just says United States, period.
A lot of it is made in the United States, okay?
Yeah.
We know that fucking JACBD is too.
And by the way, you can also go to JACBD American News.
You can go to johnnyapple.com as well.
It's two links.
It's two links.
They'll both link you there.
They're both links.
That's right.
Okay, let's get serious for a second here.
We've been fucking around too much, and we've got a lot of Trump stuff to cover.
Let me put my sponsors away because we won't be doing any more sponsors now.
One more thing, too.
By the way, when you sign up to free speech.tv, you don't hear any sponsors.
The only sponsors we do is on the free episode.
Right.
What were you going to say?
He's also the power tie guy who did all the Trump stuff.
Has also participated heavily in the Shmerry Calalello thing from Wendy City Heat.
Boy, you're such a Perry Project rookie.
You don't have to mispronounce it.
You misspell it.
Perry Caravello.
And folks, Wendy City Heat is a great introduction to a project I've been working on for many years called the Perry Project.
Careful before you get involved.
Careful before you watch Windy City Heat, because once you start, you won't be able to stop.
It's heroin.
It's like sex, actually.
You know, it rings true.
You hear a lot about it.
You're wary of it.
Then you try it and you're like, this is me from now on.
It totally rings true.
You say the worst part about that movie is you could only see it for the first time.
I am so envious of people who have never seen it before.
I was watching it with that in my head and I was like, you're absolutely right.
Frankly.
All right, let's try to figure out if this is a fart.
This was on Conan.
Oh, there I am meeting.
I think Perry and I got into a fist fight at that particular screening.
William.
Yeah, look, first.
This is me fighting Perry.
Nice place.
Jimmy Kimmel, producer of Windy City Heat.
What a wonderful video that was that you sent last night to the podcast.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I feel like this whole thing has sort of got spiraled out of control when it was just a simple transaction that I'm just trying to finish up.
Just to pause here.
Perry's under the impression that I'm a billionaire producer, William Randolph Hearst III, WRH.
And I paid him $50 to promote my movie, One Last Kiss or something.
Tomorrow's Kiss Yesterday, Goodbye, something like that, at the Sundance Film Festival.
And he didn't do it.
And I've been telling him I'm going to kill him for stealing my money for many years.
And this is me finally confronting him after sending him like 20 threatening videos.
It looks pretty big.
If you have $50 in it right now, then we can settle this.
Perry, why don't you pay the $50 that you owe?
I don't have, I only have like about $50.
You can't give me $50 to promote my film.
I don't have but more than three singles.
I don't have but more than three singles.
I have a problem with who's in my film.
Like so many singles in my womb.
You don't have a problem remembering how to sue people or pretending to be a Java host and get a wife.
Why aren't you baptized?
Why don't you cut your fucking hair with it?
Nutsie.
Whoa.
Wow.
David.
The chili cook off.
Oh my god.
William Randolph Hurst is birth.
That's almost breaking character right there.
You know what's funny?
So we sent, I sent videos of me boxing and he sent videos of him doing leg workouts, just leg pushes.
And in that fight, he kicked me and it actually was a very good game.
Interesting.
Like it had some real, he got his foot on my chest and really gave it a thrust.
Yeah, yeah.
So throughout all of this stupid prank, his workout was effective.
Anyway, you see what I told you about Windy City Heat?
It just never picks you up and it takes you away.
All right.
Fart time.
focus on the farts, please.
Focusing on the farts.
So anyway, let me explain.
I got to the studio early today and went in a hundred different K-holes, and one of them was Conan O'Brien and Zach Alfanakis.
Zach Alfanakis is fascinating because he had this incredible career in 99 where he was going to be the face of VH1.
And there was one exec at VH1.
He's the guy who came up with the puppy bowl.
I forget his name.
But he goes, Zach Alfanakis is a fucking genius.
He's hilarious.
I'm talking about 99, remember, 20 years ago.
And he's going to be, he's going to not just be the face of VH1.
He's going to be the face of youth culture across the world.
But I've got him now.
And I'm going to make him the face of VH1.
And we're going to catch this rising star.
So he used to wear this hat, this Inca hat, you know, with the ear flaps.
And he was on buses everywhere.
And it was a massive deal.
Of course, Ryan's Googling Puppy Bull because that's how his brain works.
And the show aired, and it was a complete catastrophe.
No one watched it.
I can't remember if it was funny or not.
I don't think I watched it.
And so that exec was fired from VH1.
Zach Galifanakis' career was over.
He's a fucking loser.
We got it wrong.
I thought he was something special.
So then the guy, then Zach just worked his way back up the line doing comedy.
He doesn't really care about fame and success, as Between Two Ferns can tell you.
He doesn't really care about celebrities.
And he just worked his way back up.
He kept doing stand-up.
He can play the piano and he was like Owen Benjamin.
And he just went back up, back up, back up.
And then he became the star he is today.
So the original dude who put all his money in the Zach basket now looks like a fucking super genius.
And I met him.
He got me a show on travel.
It was called America on Zero Dollars a Day.
And then I don't know what happened.
Someone got an email.
The Soros globalists shut me down.
And that was the end of his career again and my show.
We were already doing the upfronts for America on Zero Dollars a day.
Like I was with Anthony Bourdain saying, Welcome to Travel Network.
It was already, the pilot was okay.
We were going through.
And then there was some sort of switch.
That's why I always say, get fired, get in trouble, be brave.
Anyway, that was a very long tangent to describe how I feel every time I see Zach Galifanakis.
But I was watching this, and none of this is relevant to the fart clip.
I've watched this literally 30 times, and I can't come up with an explanation.
It sounds like a fart.
To him since like probably 1988.
Besides maybe his children.
Yeah, his children do it.
It took balls, I thought, to be that.
I mean, obviously he's in on the joke, but you were so dismissive.
Yeah, it was.
And he caught me after it was.
No one's done that to him since like probably 19.
And I'm not sure.
You shush him.
He starts to talk and you just go, shh, and I was like, yeah.
Maybe it's Zach Alfanakis going, but his microphone sounds different.
Hold on, look.
You shush him.
He starts to talk and you just go, "Shh!" And I was like...
And I listened to him talk.
We shot between two ferns and then apples and oranges.
Yeah.
So what do you think?
Well, the problem is a butt is very far from a mic.
And this sounds like the anal lips are touching the grid of the microphone.
If you will.
Yes.
No one's ever done.
No one's done that stretch of talk, and you just go.
Is it maybe Andy, what's his name?
Richter?
I think it has to be a voice.
Okay, here.
I'll do my anal lips.
Okay, you got one?
Oh, wait, no, I don't.
Okay.
But I have a face.
So I'll do my anal lips where my anal lips are.
Oh, gotcha.
Okay, okay.
Let's see how audible it is, right?
And I'll have a big one.
Okay.
You ready?
Yep.
No.
Lax bass.
I'll do you the loudest one I can.
You're still not.
Still dull?
Still not bassy.
Early on.
What is this?
You shush him.
He starts to talk and you just go, shh.
And I was like, no one's ever done that.
That's mic'd.
Does anyone know anyone who works at TBS?
Can you guys help me?
I think it's either fanatic.
This is going to be like a Bigfoot guy, like Sasquatch Hunters, where we try to, we talk about, I'm going to do a documentary about this.
Yeah.
It all started when I was watching a YouTube video, and then it shows me outside TBS.
Can I talk to you, please?
And you leave everything behind.
You're like, I used to be into politics.
Very outspoken, opinionated.
And you won't have heard from me for a year and a half.
And then it'll be like, McInnis re-emerges with a bizarre documentary about a, well, about flatulence.
And then, let's go to Cindy.
But it's your office, just like with a bunch of butts and farts and anal lips and diagrams.
I love that I have you saying anal lips now like it's a term.
Yeah, I don't like, I've never liked it.
It sounds gross.
But it kind of looks like he's acting like he smells shit.
Besides maybe his children.
Yeah, his children smells like that.
No, no, farts don't make that shit.
It took balls, I thought, to be that.
I mean, obviously he's in on the joke, but you were still starting to notice it.
And he called.
Zach Califanakis always acts like he smelled a fart.
That's kind of true.
Yeah.
There was a little bit of a few days.
He looks like he's in a fart, I guess, to thank me.
Anyway, speaking of farts, I never really checked out Kyle Dunigan before.
But the guy is fucking funny.
I always knew him just as the Reno 911 guy.
But he did this fart video that is quality, as we say in Scotland.
Okay.
Wait, he's got a lot of videos that have the word fart in it.
He's got a couple of fart ones.
His fucking impressions make you look like you have no talents as opposed to just one.
Like I look as burgers and diseases.
What?
And he has awesome things that aren't bad and contagious.
Now, let me explain something.
The reason you have a job here is because you have one talent, impressions.
But his are so much better than yours that that one talent looks like you play guitar like me.
Well, I play guitar awesome.
And I made a good song.
It was the intro, by the way.
It's called Single File.
This is not the videos, guitar.
Sophomoric, and I just want you guys to know that's not what my channel's about.
She has more high bragging.
That's good.
This is great.
This is great.
Wait, you missed the punchline!
That concludes the end of this piece.
I hope you guys enjoyed it, but I also hope you realize this is not my usual content.
I pride myself on my sardonic take on a society that props ow.
Do you ever have a fart that hurts your inner lips?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A slapping.
Those are amazing.
It just irritates it.
You know what I don't get about farts?
How are they so loud?
I don't know.
Like, it's a lot of air, and it also implies your asshole is really tight.
It's either the tightness or, I mean, that's it.
Sometimes they can be this loud.
Hey.
Hi, how are you?
Now, you think of the technology that it takes for your larynx and all the little weird fish gills that are in your voice box to make, hello, how are you?
And then just some extra air in your butthole Is just as loud.
It feels like a fart should be maybe this loud.
Like this, I would understand.
Yeah.
But I like the ones that quack that you're going, or it's so loud that it's on conan, and we can get it through the mics.
By the way, gentlemen, if you're still married, which is rare, and you're in bed and your wife's asleep and you don't want to wake her up with a fart, every time you fart around your wife, a blowjob loses its wings.
So what you want to do is you want to make a sort of like a parrot beak with your fingers, go down to your anal lips, open them up as wide as you possibly can, wider than a homosexual after a three-day circuit party who's been doing meth.
Just like a baby yawning of an asshole.
And have it like, oh.
And then just exhale out your butthole.
Then it just sounds like you breathed or something.
Broathe, idiot.
Look at this one.
You're stupid.
Hit it.
That was a sassy fart.
Yeah, it was like that guy's got fartitude.
You've heard of fortitude?
Yeah.
That was fortitude with a heaping dose of fartitude.
All right, before we give up on this guy and everyone thinks he's just an imbecile, show his Bill Maher.
Oh, Lord.
His Bill Maher is so good.
No, that's it.
Where is that?
Is that Trump with Bill Maher?
Who's that Trump with?
No, that's the climate change girl.
Wait, let me see.
No, no, no.
That's somebody else.
Well, I'll show his page.
Heated Trump with Bill Maher.
I'm sorry to bore you with this, folks.
We'll be taking calls momentarily.
God, I didn't even get to Gigi Gorgeous.
I overprepare for these shows.
Oh, we haven't shown the Trump thing yet.
What thing?
Oh, here we go.
This guy is so talented, it's disturbing.
This is a creepy thing.
Yeah, this is creepy comedy.
This is Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
Oh, really?
He doesn't like rotten food?
What a shocker.
New rule.
If you crack open an egg and green shit comes out, don't put it in your mouth.
Put it in the fucking garbage.
Okay.
Okay.
I do not like them on a boat.
I do not like them on a ship.
I do not like that.
Who the fuck would eat food off a dirty farm animal?
And just FYI.
If you don't like your rotten eggs, no, that's not a computer program.
That's not an app.
Clearly the face is, but that's not him putting his voice through a Bill Maherifier.
I've seen him do his Bill Maher on Rogan.
That's his Bill Maher.
Spooky.
You can close that guy.
We're not getting to that.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
We're at 54 minutes.
I'm the bummer that's going to tell all the free people.
All right, you freeps.
That's our nickname for you, people who don't subscribe to free speech.tv.
You're freeps.
You're like normies.
You're all noobs.
That's right.
My two sons call each other noobs.
I would say 80% of their back and forth involves being a noob.
Your two sons, Arizona?
Yeah.
And it works its way into every conversation.
Like, can I get some more coffee?
Oh, would you like some more?
Johnny is a noob?
Like, all day, every day.
It was unfunny for a while.
Now I'm back.
Now I kind of like it.
Yeah.
All right.
We're saying goodbye to all the folks.
I'm a noob.
Anyway, so we're going to get to this summation I did of Trump derangement syndrome where I peel back the three layers and it starts with nerds are mad.
Basically, the gist of this video I'm about to show you is that hate has no home here and all this.
I hate Trump because he's a bigot.
That's all a lie.
And what it's really about is this hatred of pride, this hatred of someone being unapologetically male, this hatred of someone being proud of being American, and someone who refuses to say your little terms, your little words, like person of color or undocumented citizen of hard workers instead of anchor baby.
And these people who are mad at that are obviously the progenitors.
They are the cheerleaders for political correctness.
And they are all in a conga line.
And this conga line is going off a cliff.
In fact, the lyrics to their little mariachi song is no borders, no wall, no USA at all.
And when someone isn't in their conga line, they scream racist Nazi.
You're part of this rising thing of hate.
They have these cliches like racism is alive and well and blah, blah, blah.
And Trump was the first guy to say, no, I'm not getting in that conga line.
It's going off a cliff.
And that shocks people.
So I'm going to show you me explaining that concept in a very in-depth way using our Green Screen Studio.
And then we're going to take calls.
But you can't have that because you ain't paying my ass.
Fuck you, pay me.
So thank you to our sponsors.
This wraps up the free episode.
And we'll be continuing for another hour or so, taking calls, showing that video on free speech.tv.
