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Sept. 6, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:40:16

GOML LIVE #11 | BATTLE ROYALE

After discussing the massive brawl at my gym today, we talk about the fire station that was shut down because one of the fireman is a Proud Boy. This opens up a conspiracy theory about Charlottesville and the organizers dad as well as a brief look at what generation had the scariest music. Finally, we take a boat load of calls and discover that women who quit their jobs to focus on kids end up happy, fulfilled, and facing a bright future of infinite love.

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	Dramatic Music Live from New York, it's "Get Off My Ron" with Gavin McInnes
	I don't want to be a fucking dog That's what I'm going to want to I'll go Drag around a collar on my neck tied to a pole Leaving in the freezing cold
	I don't want to be a little pet At the edge of every bed At the edge of every bed
	Welcome to FreeSpeech.TV where Ryan Katzu Rivera shows the world how organized and talented he is.
	Right now the monitor isn't on.
	Is this recording, Ryan?
	Yes.
	So people do see something.
	But I don't have a monitor.
	I don't really need a monitor.
	It's not that important.
	Although, if we're showing clips that I have to read from, then that's not good.
	Let's help Ryan out with his job.
	Are you turning off and on the monitor?
	But you don't have the remote to the monitor.
	Oh, that's on the floor.
	Did you check the cords?
	This makes for a fun show.
	This is our weekly vidcast of the podcast.
	It's slightly atypical of other shows.
	My monitor's on the desk, for example.
	That's one little example.
	But what is typical of the show is there's a major fuck-up at the beginning.
	That's sort of become our trademark here.
	If you're listening to this just as a podcast, then you'll notice some things are missing when we talk about videos.
	You won't see videos.
	You can't see what's going on right now, for example, and just to tell you what's going on right now, Ryan just keeps trying the same thing again and again and again and again.
	So he got the signal and then because his brain and his fingers are about four seconds apart After it worked his he'd already sent the signal to the fingers to turn it off so he turned it off All right.
	Now I have a monitor and now if we pull up a tweet or something I can read it I also Also, in important news, I had to print out my notes in red, because we're out of ink.
	And I bought more on Amazon, and it's going to take a week and a half.
	The fuck is going on with this ink racket in this country?
	It is the biggest scam since exterminators.
	Exterminators are total and utter bullshit.
	Yo, what happens is they take this food packet and they take it back to the hive, they take it back to the queen, and then she eats it and then the whole thing is dead.
	Bullshit.
	I don't believe in exterminators, especially in the land of corruption that is called New York City.
	I remember I had an apartment on 9th Street, and the landlord hated us.
	My God, I can almost remember his name.
	Greek name.
	His family owned a bunch of places all over the East Village.
	And his parents hated us because they lived below us, and my lady was single at the time, single New Yorkers, and a lot of the ladies were wearing high-heeled shoes.
	Oh, let me just take a moment to enjoy that.
	High heel shoes were everywhere.
	My wife and all her friends were all wearing stilettos all the motherfucking time.
	That's one of the best things about New York City.
	I noticed it the other day.
	My friend had a birthday party and the fashion now is like these 1950s Betty Page high heel shoes with like stilettos, like skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny spikes.
	You know, the heel part.
	And then the toe is kind of pointy and covered.
	Anyway, they hated that.
	And they demanded we have carpets.
	Apparently there's some New York law where you have to have carpets.
	Anyway, to punish us, he would send the exterminator by at about 5.30 in the morning.
	Just to wake us up.
	Piss us off.
	But, uh, we were still partying, dude.
	So it didn't work.
	I was kinda wasted, I'll admit.
	And some guy would come in and he would just put paste on the hinges of our kitchen cupboards.
	Just a little tiny little... The hinges!
	Because if there's one thing that roaches love to lick, it's hinges.
	What a pile of shit.
	And I said, can I get a copy of the receipt?
	He goes, oh no, I gotta give that to the landlord.
	Okay, well then I'll just take a picture of it.
	Kramer?
	It's a name like Kramer?
	Anyway.
	Total and utter horse shit what a fucking scam if you don't want rats or roaches in your apartment Then make sure there's no food around make sure it's spotless, and you won't have bugs I had a guy up in the burbs the other day saying hey, we're bombing a house over here to deal with an infestation and Just to avoid them migrating We could do your place, too.
	There's an opening because someone cancelled.
	So, uh... Like, lie upon lie upon lie upon lie.
	You're in the suburbs, and you're quote-unquote bombing a house?
	What's going on over there?
	Roaches.
	What, you see a roach and you start scratching and jumping up and down?
	Yeah.
	Oh yeah.
	Big time.
	You are so weak.
	You know, I know an exterminator.
	You have some rotten cream and you're in the toilet for the duration of the morning.
	It made my stomach really hurt.
	Oh, you're tum-tum.
	Plus, I think the beers I have are skunked.
	Skunked?
	You mean my beers?
	Yeah, but- Did you drink my beers?
	I had two.
	That's 50% of the beers I brought to the studio.
	No, you brought six.
	The beer was not skunked.
	I just bought those beers.
	Beer has to be around for years before it's fucking skunked.
	Years?
	Yes.
	You'll probably have one skunked beer in your entire life.
	I've had one.
	I've had one.
	I definitely have had one.
	You know an exterminator?
	Yeah, Larry Izzo.
	Larry believes in his own job.
	He's good.
	It's like palm readers.
	I want them just to admit that it's a lie.
	No, I don't think it is a lie.
	Because he went to schools, and he had big contracts for warehouses.
	Oh, okay, then it's real.
	And he fixed, like, it was raining roaches, and he was like, I could bring you some places, man, I'll tell you.
	That's how he talks.
	Oh, okay, so he's been around lots of roaches, he took a class, and he got big contracts.
	Ergo, exterminators are real.
	It's a real profession.
	Well, they really kill the insects.
	No, they don't.
	They have nothing to do with your infestation.
	Your infestation does not go away.
	Well, you gotta have maintenance, but it drastically, you know... Here's the only maintenance.
	Make sure there's no foodstuffs for them to eat.
	Oh, I'm not finished with the original story.
	So, the notion is that they bomb some local suburban house, which by the way, the suburbs, they don't have roaches, they don't have rats, they'll occasionally have mice.
	The idea that there's this flood, what do they do?
	Pack little suitcases, this flood of mice, and then go to the next house?
	What?
	Are you stupid?
	Do you think I'm gonna fall for that?
	And then the whole, there was a cancellation.
	Oh really?
	I wonder why?
	They couldn't leave the keys under the rug for you to do your stupid roach bombing?
	And then he can come and do my place.
	But we, I digress, we haven't discussed your song choice.
	This week was Ryan's song choices.
	The shortest week of the, you know, we got off Labor Day, so no show there.
	Yep.
	We're not doing a show tomorrow.
	Well, it was racist.
	Black History Month is the shortest month of the year.
	That's right.
	And the Puerto Rican's music choice month, he gets what?
	One?
	Two?
	Three?
	Uh, three.
	Three.
	And one of them was good.
	You cheated.
	Because you said, oh yeah, you think my taste in music sucks, I guess I'll play one of my typical jams I like, ACDC.
	It's one of my favorite bands.
	I have the guitar that Angus Young has, I learned all the catalog, basically.
	What's the guitar that Angus Young has?
	A Gibson SG, but I have the special faded.
	Correct.
	Yes.
	And he uses JCM 100s, I believe.
	Okay, is it Marshall Amp?
	Yeah, but it's out of say a thousand songs that you say you enjoy or you will even play in the studio, one or two is ACDC or remotely not gay.
	A lot of not gay stuff, frankly.
	Okay, well what was that song you just played?
	That was beautiful.
	Thank you.
	Thanks.
	That was Soccer Mommy by... Soccer Mommy!
	No, Your Dog by Soccer Mommy.
	I'm sorry.
	Oh, so the artist is Soccer Mommy.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	So as Ryan sits here and talks about how awesome his taste in music is, one of his top bands is called Soccer Mommy.
	It's the only song I like.
	I like a lot of one hits.
	Oh, a lot of Soccer Mommy songs suck.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, Dora the Explorer sucked this year.
	There's only like two good eps.
	I like other stuff, that's good.
	What was that?
	Is Soccer Mommy a local band at least?
	They're blowing up, but yeah, they're... Are they from your hometown at least?
	You know the drummer?
	No, no, no.
	I could almost forgive you if it was an ex-girlfriend or something.
	No.
	They're a popular mainstream band.
	How many hits does... How many clicks is that?
	This is the only... How many views?
	Jesus Christ.
	Hits?
	Clicks?
	This is the only song that they've come out with that is of value.
	That was not my question, sir.
	Oh, how many hits?
	149,000.
	Wow.
	So a lot of people like Soccer Mommy.
	They like this song.
	Do you want to play that again?
	Yeah.
	Yeah!
	Hey!
	Hell yeah!
	Hey!
	Hey, hey!
	I don't wanna be your what?
	I don't want to be your fucking dog.
	Okay.
	It's called Your Dog.
	Look up Dinosaur Jr.
	What's the song?
	If I'm grazing by your window, please don't pat me on the head.
	Just want to find out what you're nice to me for.
	Is it Don't?
	Yeah, maybe.
	Is it?
	Why did you say don't?
	Because the word don't is in the song.
	What's going on with my mouse here?
	Well I looked up the lyrics.
	I typed in the lyrics.
	I'll be grazing by your window.
	It's in a jar.
	In a jar.
	So that song was Soccer Mom.
	Turn it up.
	Just want to find out what you're nice to me for.
	When I look up, don't think I don't know about all the scapugress.
	It's hard to stomach the door.
	We'll be right back.
	So just pause there.
	That's a new kind of music they invented, which is basically country and hardcore combined.
	And your song is about subjugation and being a dog, like I don't want to be your dog.
	That song, the lyrics alone could be in the Guggenheim.
	I'll be grazing by your window.
	Please don't pat me on the head.
	I just want to find out what you're nice to me for.
	That is cool.
	And then before the solo, he goes, it's hard to stomach the gore in a little soft voice.
	And then he goes in a jar where you put me.
	All I could do is kiss your hand.
	Kissing's kinda gay.
	Well, that's the whole thing.
	He's a pathetic, useless piece of shit.
	Right.
	And it's how sometimes when you're around a woman that you're madly in love with, you feel like a nothing, disgusting little cockroach.
	Truth.
	That's profound.
	Your song's gay and useless.
	Well, they both have a place in this world.
	No, they don't!
	I'm talking about works of art.
	You're talking about not even shit, like fish shit.
	Soccer Mommy is fish shit.
	Oh, like actual, the animal fish, like the creature?
	The animal fish.
	No.
	Yep.
	Floating around in a bowl.
	No.
	Those, you know how it's, it's long little sort of tubes that slowly fragment and dissipate into the water.
	That's all the bands you like.
	What about Polyphia?
	Now I know you get down on some polyphs.
	Don't know?
	Oh yeah, so he says, I'll be grazing by your window, blah blah blah, I just want to find out what you're nice to me for.
	Then you smile and decide to take me in, cause I look good by your bed, but I can feel it just a little more... So fucking, it's like that band The Birthday Party.
	Nick Cave's old band.
	Deep in the woods.
	See if you can dig that up.
	Um.
	He goes, Worms make their cruel design, spelling D-I-E, into the mud.
	The dress floats down the well, and it assumes the shape and the body of a little girl.
	I recognize that girl.
	She stumbled in some time, last loneliness.
	Creepy.
	It sounds like a Vincent Price poem.
	This is scarier than a Hannibal Lecter movie.
	You gotta elevate your tastes.
	I know, I know.
	I got a Kraken creep you out.
	Yeah, why don't you put on some Tool?
	Shut up and just play this song.
	I don't like Tool.
	That's Blick Spargel of Einständer Nürbocken on the guitar.
	I'm petrified right now, Nick.
	Now they've got a swastika on their cover.
	Yeesh, it's back when people could be dangerous.
	I couldn't stand to touch her now.
	She took me from rags right through to stitches.
	This is where it gets heavy.
	Deep in the woods.
	This is where it gets heavy.
	Deep in the woods.
	Hang on to your socks.
	Deep in the woods.
	A funeral is swinging.
	What?
	Okay, we get it.
	That's enough.
	Dude, I just realized what's going on.
	What?
	I gave you all those thumb drives.
	One of them was for my gay mouse.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Here we go.
	This is the gay mouse one.
	This is a good one.
	This is a jam.
	I'm not scared.
	It's creepy.
	Shia LaBeouf directed the video.
	This is Cage.
	Shia LaBeouf?
	Goddammit, I hate everything about your generation.
	Well, they're not friends anymore, so... Oh, okay.
	Then it's okay.
	Yeah.
	He will not divide us.
	He won't.
	It's about stalking a chick and then some other things happen.
	Spooky!
	Is this a perfect example of the generation gap?
	Isn't this proof my generation's better than yours?
	Generation X's are better than millennials.
	This is dark, dawg.
	It sounds like that 22 Jump Street band.
	What is that?
	What are they called?
	21?
	21 Pilots or something?
	Yeah.
	Or yeah, yeah, yeah.
	This is 21 Pilots trying to spook me out.
	No.
	I just played you a song that was made in hell.
	This is hellish.
	No it's not, it's fucking gay!
	Nope.
	Oh no, a rapper's mad at me, yo!
	This song rules.
	Tie girls up to this song.
	All right, should we start the show?
	I think so.
	Let's start the show.
	The show has officially begun.
	I went to the gym this morning and the coach who owns the place, Coach Ryan, has invented a new thing.
	What are you writing?
	I went to the gym this morning.
	This is going to be a long title.
	Remember?
	Oh yeah.
	So am I going to be careful about this now?
	Okay.
	Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
	Cause I keep forgetting the podcast.
	The first sentence of the show is, uh, what the show is about.
	Yes.
	And we got to get our sponsors straight.
	I walked into a battle Royale this morning.
	I got our sponsors straight.
	It's blue chew and my bookie and curve FA we have three.
	That usually goes for about $1,500.
	They're usually about $500 each, aren't they?
	$1,000?
	I think it's about... Yeah.
	I would like $1,000.
	I kind of was going for $1,000.
	I thought they were around that.
	Good news, by the way.
	We are at 12,900 subscribers.
	That's a lot.
	That's almost 1.3 million buckaroo bonsais.
	True dat.
	And it's funny, because I keep getting advice from millennials going, yeah, here's how economics works.
	Actually, there's supply and demand.
	And when the supply overrides the demand, the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	Basically, I don't want to pay $10.
	And I sat through my high school economics class.
	Meanwhile, this guy has, I'm going to say 170 bucks in the bank and he's 23 and he's telling me how to run my life.
	What are you doing?
	Checking the stream.
	Okay.
	Um, so yeah, I walked into a battle Royale this morning.
	My coach invented a new thing.
	Never been done.
	Ready for this?
	Yes.
	Everyone put on those body shield thingamajig- diggies?
	What are they called?
	Body shield things?
	I don't know.
	Body bags?
	Fuck, what are they called?
	It's the thing where you can't get, it doesn't hurt to be punched in the stomach or the ribs.
	Oh, I don't know the technical term for it.
	Bodyguard or something.
	Sure, sure.
	Everyone, everyone in the entire gym put those on.
	We have like probably nine.
	So all nine people put them on, nine guys, and everyone fights in this room, in this ring, until they die and there's one man left.
	So it's kind of, one of the cool things about it is an intelligent strategic thing to do would be for you to form alliances, get a group and say, let's just hammer this guy until he's out.
	But the gym sparring, because you're punching someone in the face, the culture is very kind.
	So it's like, you okay?
	All right, sorry about that.
	And oh, that was a good punch.
	Good punch.
	Because You it's unnatural to be fighting a man, and you want to make it clear.
	You're not mad You're not trying to hurt him if you're trying to hurt him Then you're not learning which is actually pretty tricky for the heavyweights because a lot of these heavyweights the way that they survive is just super punches and There it's like you're fighting the Hulk so it doesn't really help to be Zorro or When you're fighting the Hulk.
	But sparring is all about honing your Zorro skills.
	So some of the big monsters, I would wager, and I'm not an expert, that they don't really benefit from sparring.
	At least not the way I do.
	I benefit from sparring because I'm a mosquito and I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to not get smashed.
	So it's good for me to get in there and figure out how to move from a punch.
	I actually invented a new maneuver today.
	You just keep your hands... You know how, like, in Star Wars, the Death Star, they send out the little guys, the little H-shaped guys, and they fight so you can't get to the Death Star?
	I don't let you get to the Death Star.
	I just go like this and start hitting your gloves all over the place.
	That works.
	Shooing them!
	Shoo!
	Shoo, hands!
	Shoo!
	It actually, I know it sounds ridiculous, but the guy I was sparring with, possibly because he was laughing so hard, but he had trouble with it.
	Like it's, because you're punching through a flurry of these moving hands.
	Tie fighter, I can't shake him.
	Every night I give my kids a force field.
	You start at the feet, then you go...
	Oh, you decompress?
	Yeah, well it's just a blob outside your whole body.
	That... That's the head, but it's just loose now.
	You want to be able to move around.
	So when I go... I seal it right here, and the force field just sticks to your skin, and now you can get up and move around, whatever.
	Say there's a fire, you still have a force field, and you're protected from monsters and bad dreams.
	That's pretty cool.
	Occasionally they'll have a bad dream and go, what the fuck's going on?
	And I'll go, there must have been a problem with your force field.
	If you move during the force field, it's ruined.
	Maybe a bad thought was in there and it got sealed in.
	Don't rewrite the rules.
	The only rule is you can't move during the force field.
	And you gotta be like this, tootin' common.
	Yeah.
	And I've been doing it since my first daughter was born, so 12 years.
	But it's funny now, with a 12-year-old, she's... What are you doing?
	You never gave me a force field.
	I'm not concerned about monsters.
	I'm basically a teenager.
	Actually, she'll be a teenager in a few days.
	You never gave me a force field.
	I never will.
	- No, can you give me one? - It's not easy when you're trying not to laugh.
	It's pretty awesome.
	Can't smile.
	So anyway, I go into the gym this morning, and it's a full-on battle royale.
	Now, I should warn you, I have footage of this, fighting is not videogenic.
	Especially because we're used to seeing Mike Tyson murder people.
	So you're used to seeing a punch that ends someone's entire career.
	So when you see people just sort of popping around, it just looks like Totally useless punches.
	But I assure you, they hurt.
	And I assure you, this is the most exhausting thing.
	I did two rounds of this.
	No, three rounds where I was the one getting punched.
	Two and a half minutes each.
	I had aids by the end.
	I had full-blown aids.
	These guys went 30 minutes!
	And there was no final winner because people were being cool with each other.
	Turn it up!
	See, there's Tommy, the heavyweight beast.
	He doesn't benefit from this.
	There's that guy on the left of the Fed who was hired to befriend me.
	But I don't mind.
	But I don't mind.
	That's Larry Barnes yelling out my stats, by the way.
	He's like, Gavin the Great!
	38 fights, 2 losses, 2 undecided!
	He goes, you know where you- Sometimes I'll get tired and I'll go, I gotta stop.
	And he goes, you know where you're from?
	You know where you live?
	Cupcakeville!
	Oh... You're the fucking mayor!
	That's not good.
	I say, at least Cupcakeville is fucking clean.
	Unlike Mount Vernon, where you're from, which is a shithole, we have fountains that are made of cotton candy.
	Sprinkles.
	Sprinkles everywhere.
	Rain sprinkles.
	You turn on the tap, it's chocolate milk.
	It's pretty cool.
	That's cupcake land, and that's because I'm a good mayor.
	Yeah.
	Mount Vernon, the mayor's going to jail!
	Whipped cream clouds.
	Yeah.
	I did the punchline.
	We moved on.
	Mount Vernon's mayor is going to jail.
	Oh.
	And then you just keep riffing.
	You're like a little weird dog who just sort of wanders out into the road.
	You're like a weird stray with brain damage.
	I just, I swear to God.
	I just typed in, I was looking for Mount Vernon mayor goes to jail.
	I just typed in Whiproom Clouds.
	Now I'm seeing it.
	I love how enamored you are with Ryan.
	You're just like, what an angel.
	You're almost like a doting father, but the baby is you.
	You're like, classic me.
	What a cutie.
	He needed a dad, so he became one.
	Pretty cool.
	It's like Wonder Woman.
	Never loved as a baby, so now you love you as a baby.
	Actually, Ryan, you joke, but that's a profound observation.
	Thank you.
	I'm so proud of myself.
	You are a doting father because you never had one.
	Yeah.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Are you pulling up the mayor there?
	Yep.
	Fucking Mount Vernon used to be beautiful and it sucks now.
	They have a there's a big beautiful baseball field that the whole community used to get dressed up for and go see games and now it's sub warriors.
	It's it's honestly like a post-apocalyptic movie.
	What's this say?
	Mount Vernon Mayor Richard Thomas pleads guilty to misdemeanors will resign.
	Dang dog.
	Way to go, dude.
	They kept giving him money to fix that baseball park and he just kept eating it.
	And so there's, it's just got like flowers coming out of the cracks trying to just be nature again.
	No!
	Fucking losers, fucking dems, dem-run cities.
	Attempted grand larceny and offering a false instrument for filing in connection with stealing campaign funds and lying about those funds on a disclosure to the State Board of Elections.
	Prosecutors announced.
	What is, uh, what was the first one?
	Grand larceny.
	What is grand larceny?
	Stealing a lot of money?
	Attempted grand larceny.
	Yeah, anything over a thousand dollars, I believe.
	Let me look that up.
	Shit, I do that.
	I did that this morning.
	Also in the news, Fire department shut down in Pennsylvania.
	Here's the story folks, and it is peak clown world.
	I should be wearing my clown world shirt.
	Can you go look over the shirts and see if there's a clown world shirt?
	Yeah, I got one.
	My size though, not your little petite.
	I think...
	Ryan wears smalls.
	I think the closet... What are you doing?
	Just resizing this, because you're about to mention the... No, that's Google.
	I'm talking about the fire department.
	I thought the tip off here would have been when I said fire department.
	Here's, in the future, here's a rule.
	If I'm going to talk about the fire department, and I'll probably say the word fire department.
	Okay, that's a good code.
	New rule, as Bill Maher would say.
	So here's the story.
	Volunteer fire department in a little town called Haverford.
	And I think about 70% of fire departments around the country are volunteer.
	The only time that guys are getting money for it is in the bigger cities or super wealthy cities with an insanely high tax bracket.
	Like in Westchester.
	Oh, a yellow one.
	That's fun.
	Isn't this supposed to be black and white?
	No, no, we changed that.
	Says who?
	Um, because everybody hated it, but what happens is we put like a live little logo on the... Holy shit.
	You know more than me for once.
	That's one for the book.
	By the way, as I change my shirt, you may notice I'm getting fucking ripped.
	Nice.
	I haven't even started the growth hormones yet.
	I weighed myself.
	I weigh 188.
	I lost six pounds over August, and all I did was drink a half a bottle of bourbon a day.
	And my wife sends me a text that says men and has an emoji going... But I was like, bitch, I wasn't sitting down like I do every day here at the studio, so there's something.
	And I didn't eat.
	I swear, this is not a large.
	No, it's the only one we have in the closet there.
	No, not the closet, there in my stash!
	Look at this little tube top he gives me.
	And this is big for you, right, tiny man?
	No, that's perfect for me.
	So thanks for that.
	Here's an L. I still can't get over how funny that was.
	Yeah, I swear to God, this whole myth of it's easier for men to lose weight.
	I want a woman who says that to live with a man who says that and be like literally, literally handcuffed to him.
	Not like, to be literally handcuffed to him for say 36 hours.
	Because I'll notice my wife will just, she's starving by 10 a.m.
	I don't need to eat lunch.
	I don't need to, I could do one meal a day easy.
	But they're always hungry and they're always peckish and they're always making scrambled eggs and with fucking avocado shit on it.
	I've really ramped up the swearing these days.
	Have you noticed that?
	Anger.
	I'm getting angrier.
	Um, maybe you're hangry.
	So here's the deal.
	Uh, fire departments are mostly volunteer.
	If you look at the entire country, right?
	Big cities, they get... I think they're a little overpaid, no offense.
	But uh, getting paid to sleep is a pretty... Both cops and firemen are overpaid.
	But cops don't get paid to sleep, they get... They get paid to be humiliated.
	In the hood.
	With giant things of water.
	But anyway.
	Disparaging the fire department's very low on my list.
	Priority so this volunteer Dude, he's the vice president of their thing and and I I know volunteer firemen They really get into it like they have the hat if you go to their house They have like a hat from 1842 that a guy would wear and they're they're really proud of it And and you have to understand what this guy's doing for no money He's saying I'm not gonna stay safe and sound in my house with my wife.
	I'm gonna go sleep at the Haverford fire station So if there's any problems in my community, I can go there and risk my life.
	Okay?
	Sounds like a pretty good dude.
	Word gets out.
	And by the way, when I say word gets out, I'm not talking about scholars or pillars of the community or concerned moms.
	I'm not talking about anyone of any consequence.
	I'm talking about Antifa.
	And Antifa often has a dead parent, a dead mom, a dead dad.
	I'm not disparaging people who lost a parent, but In the case of Antifa, they're out for revenge, and they want to sabotage your family because they don't have one.
	Or, more likely, they're spinsters, they're old, they're childless, they don't make enough money to pay tax, and their attitude is, from Palestine to Mexico, all the walls have got to go.
	In other words, I want the entire world to be as shitty as me.
	I want everyone to be broke like me.
	So, a great way to do that is to sabotage men's jobs and get them fired, especially family men who have wives and kids and pay taxes.
	Let's fuck with them.
	So, some Antifa loser, some social justice warrior, some could be a ball...
	B-A-W-L, Boomer, Angry Woman, Liberal.
	I should probably give up on making that a thing, right?
	No, people, I've seen it.
	It's kind of fetch.
	They start pushing this fire station, and they go, there is a proud boy!
	The vice president of this station is a proud boy!
	Now he, this doesn't work, by the way, disavows the group.
	Well, Gavin, you disavowed the group.
	No, dude, I quit for legal purposes, and it worked.
	Nine times out of eleven.
	He said, I've been kind of stepping away from them.
	I don't really, I don't hang out with them anymore.
	And they go, no, no, you don't.
	Fuck you.
	And they start hassling the city saying you have a white supremacist, violent fire department.
	So the guy goes, you know what?
	Let's just stop this shitstorm.
	Um, hey, uh, fire department, I quit.
	Here's my resignation.
	And they go, we're not taking it, dude.
	You're an awesome guy, you're a good person, and we stand by our brothers.
	You have to understand, firemen are prepared to die.
	They're prepared to go in and save their burning friend who's dying of smoke inhalation.
	They throw him over their shoulder, if they're not a hundred-pound woman who can't lift a man who somehow affirmative-actioned her way in there, and put every man's life in jeopardy, but that's for another day.
	And they have to run out and save this guy's life the vice president of this company was obviously willing to die Saving every other man in this but so they either give the resignation they say no I'd rather I'd rather die than accept that we refuse your resignation and So the city goes, so you got rid of that stupid asshole?
	And they go, no, we're not taking his resignation.
	We would rather all be fired than accept his resignation.
	So the city goes, okay, you're all fired.
	Well, what do you mean?
	You're shutting down the entire station?
	Yes.
	So now, if there's a fire in Haverford, the next town's fire department will have to get there.
	So they've just doubled the response time for a fire in that area to appease some radical social justice warrior.
	Honk, honk, clown world.
	Can a fan please record us something like that?
	It goes, honk, honk, clown world.
	Something like that.
	I like it.
	It'd be cool if it was a bunch of people saying it.
	Clown world!
	Honk, honk.
	If you're a kindergarten teacher, it'd be cool if you get your kids to say that.
	So it's shut down.
	It's gone.
	Imagine a family, and if I was a liberal, I would want this to happen because I'd love winning more than anything.
	I think we might have... Oh.
	What?
	That was pretty quick.
	That's by Phil Kay.
	I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed with the response.
	I made it.
	Use it.
	It's good.
	Whoa!
	What was that?
	Two seconds?
	What happened?
	You got that and you forgot?
	I just checked my mailbag now.
	Okay.
	I got some good news for you, buddy, by the way.
	What's up?
	We're bringing back the mailbag.
	Ryan's mailbag is back.
	Oh, nice!
	But do me a favor.
	Sure.
	Read the letter in a succinct manner.
	Sure.
	Edit it first.
	So if he says, check out this movie I did, or I love you guys and things are cool.
	Cut out all that fluff.
	Just do the core.
	Don't say his last name.
	This is from Ron from Michigan.
	Right.
	Read the gist of the letter.
	So the most important paragraph and then say, interesting.
	Next, unless you have something crucial to say, then just go to the next letter.
	Could we have you call in maybe down the line a little bit?
	Sure, I guess.
	Sometimes I don't have great advice.
	Then just say, wow, that's a good one.
	Or if it's one of those ones that really needs advice, and you're too retarded, then Skip that one.
	Or tell them to call in on this show.
	Yeah, sometimes people call in and say, hey, yesterday on that Ravenhead thing, you forgot to mention that the guys were wearing black and yellow Fred Perry's.
	Oh, that's an interesting thing.
	We don't need advice for that.
	Truth.
	If some guy's like, I haven't seen my daughter in three months, and my ex-wife tried to kill herself, but she has full custody, what should I do?
	You may want to send that up the line.
	Sure.
	To the top brass.
	And I think I may let that go by my head to someone even higher.
	How about, yeah, God, perhaps?
	No, God doesn't like to be bothered with that.
	No, he does.
	And by the way, while we're on it, God, I'd like to apologize for praying to you for that last Mets game.
	Not really impressed, though, with the way you handled it.
	Having Diaz blow a six-run lead at the bottom of the fucking ninth.
	Was that a fuck you to me for praying?
	Let's not let our petty little arguments affect an entire nation's team.
	That's true.
	You hurt a lot of people with that, God.
	It was no AIDS.
	But you hurt a lot of people with that game.
	He gave you what you wanted in the short run, right?
	No, I'm just kidding.
	I don't pray to God.
	There have been some games where I've said, Hey man!
	I know you're busy, and I don't want to do this, but on the off chance you're bored.
	Right.
	I wouldn't hate it, and if you have nothing to do, nothing but time, you're picking your nose, I wouldn't hate it if this next fastball could maybe approach 105 miles an hour.
	That's fair.
	Just give it a little... Anyway, what it is, is you're making that player reach his peak, his excellence.
	You're just exhibiting the gifts of God and the talents that he was blessed with.
	And maybe strike every opposing team in the East Coast National League with cancer.
	Well, that's a bit much.
	Okay, now I know.
	I'm gauging the parameters.
	Now I know that's too much.
	Let's practice our new Clamorild thing.
	So, this fire station Has permanently shut down because some bitch ratted on a guy who had been to a couple of Proud Boys meetings and been punched in naming five breakfast cereal and drank a bunch of fucking Budweiser's.
	Clown World.
	Let's try again.
	Okay, I'll give you something else.
	So Jack Posobiec is sitting in his car and they're talking about it and he sends me a recording of his car radio where, I've never heard of this before and it may be an example of women in journalism, where when defining the group the woman says, a Google search reveals.
	Can we just pause here?
	A journalist is saying a Google search reveals.
	So, we're looking up rap music and a Google search reveals it's actually the devil's music.
	That it's where Negroes play it in order to corrupt our white daughters.
	What does a Google search not reveal?
	A Google search reveals that the Earth is in fact flat.
	NASA has sent some fake videos and photoshopped some pictures of Earth in order to fool us.
	That's what a Google search revealed.
	Ergo, I'm the news.
	That's pretty good.
	Yeah, I didn't mean it to go there, but from now on I'll say clown world mm-hmm.
	I'll say I'll go like this.
	I'll go clown That's I like it you're seeing us rehearse okay, so play play the show the car stereo video I airdropped you mm-hmm Got it.
	That's okay Wait, go back.
	Let's get this bitch's name.
	Go back.
	What the fuck?
	Hen Glovis?
	shut down after one of its members apparently was involved with an extremist group.
	It'll use in Globus.
	That's the story.
	Have a four counts of official.
	Wait, go back.
	Let's get this bitch's name.
	Go back.
	Orford Township, Delaware County has been shut down after one of its members apparently was involved with an extremist group.
	It'll use in Globus.
	That's the story.
	What the fuck?
	In Globus?
	In Globus?
	Mayo counties?
	That's the story.
	An extremist group.
	Kim Globus.
	Are we listening to the radio in Sweden?
	Kim Globus.
	Alright Kim, I'm going to find you.
	- Has the story. - Good derg. - Kim Globus. - Kim Globus. - I believe. - All right, Kim, I'm gonna find you.
	This is not a threat, I just wanna look at you.
	Continue?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Not true.
	- Habiford Township officials found out in mid-August that a volunteer with the Bonaire Fire Company had gone through part of an extremist group's initiation process.
	The township says the group's website says members are Western chauvinists who refuse to apologize for creating the modern world.
	It once closed borders and does not allow women and transgender men.
	A Google search of these ideas leads to the Proud Boys.
	- Just pause.
	- An alternate group of white supremacists. - So you gotta go back to that Google search.
	But it's a group that does not allow women Do you want to hear some other horrible groups that do that?
	The Shriners.
	The Masons.
	The Knights of Columbus.
	That's what a men's club is, you stupid bitch.
	Most militaries.
	And transgender members?
	The Knights of Columbus?
	Imagine there was a story in the news, the Knights of Columbus have outlawed transgendered members.
	No one would talk about it.
	And the Shriners, the guys who wear those funny fez hats and ride minicars, have now outlawed women and transgendered members.
	A Google search reveals.
	So in that context, it sounds like we're against women and transgendered members.
	All men's clubs are like that.
	Hence the name men's.
	Sorry, go back.
	Kim Globus.
	...orders and does not allow women and transgender men.
	A Google search of these ideas leads to the Proud Boys, an alt-right group of white supremacists... Jesus.
	...who claim they fight for freedom of speech, but the goal is to promote violence.
	The Hapsburg Township Manager and Deputy Chief of Police conducted an investigation and met with the Bonaire Fire Company officials about the seriousness of the matter.
	By this time, the volunteer in question had resigned, but the fire company did not accept the resignation.
	The Bonaire Fire Company decided not to take any action.
	Okay, so this is actually great news for the Southern Poverty Law Center suit that I have filed.
	Okay, so this is actually great news for the Southern Poverty Law Center suit that I have filed. so this is actually great news for the Southern Poverty Because their propaganda and their lies just put lives in danger.
	These ladies, there was a cop.
	So the chief of police investigates these allegations and he uses Google, he uses Wikipedia, he uses SPLC as a source and then shuts them down. - Right.
	And did you catch the sort of subtext there?
	Everyone should be treated equally.
	So the insane, get ready Ryan, clown world Dude That's you gotta have a board yeah, and I have to put on the board you're right Um, in the insane clown world... Okay, not every single time I say it.
	Okay.
	Jesus Christ.
	Um... It's almost like a who's on second type of sketch that we're like Laurel and Hardy, but you're trying your best.
	But I'm both Laurel and Hardy.
	You're like the stupid guy in the Three Stooges, but you're not trying to be.
	All three of them are pretty stupid.
	Isn't there like one smart guy and the other two are like... No, Moe is just more... Groucho Marx is the smart guy.
	But he's not in the Three Stooges.
	Oh, well he's in the Marx Brothers.
	Yes.
	Yeah, all three of the Stooges are stupid, just Moe is a little more like leader-ish.
	Leader-ish.
	- Leaders. - Leaders. - Yeah, leaders. - So, yeah, so the subtext is that they get a call, and they go, "Yeah, there's a fire at 13 Crescent Avenue." And then the racist, white supremacist, violent fire department goes, "That's a Negro Street." Fuck it.
	Let them burn, boys.
	Let them burn!
	And so to protect this imminent, essentially murder, of people of color.
	Maybe it's a trans house.
	Maybe a trans house in Haverford County will be on fire.
	And by the way, this little comedy bit I'm doing is just me extrapolating their truths.
	I'm just describing what the news just said.
	I'm not coming up with a cuckoo scenario.
	I'm telling you the news.
	and this company was shut down because the implication is that they will not be rescuing trans uh women illegal immigrants uh basically anyone who's not a white male or and even white male liberals right they they probably wouldn't be on the list so you're only going to really save like i don't know a 50th of the houses Insanity.
	Fucking insanity.
	Meanwhile, hey, have you got that Antifa video we made?
	Um, that is... Almost done.
	I did a video that we worked very hard on.
	Hard on.
	Yeah, you do-do.
	We gotta get the words do-do and hard on.
	One thing you do-do, and I've worked very hard on this, is you wanna... That's good.
	Um...
	There was a fight the night of my talk on October 12th where a mob of Antifa beat the shit out of a reporter.
	No one's talking about it.
	There was no charges filed at all.
	Scott free.
	Meanwhile, two guys from the fight later on where Antifa ambushed them are looking at 15 years in prison.
	Let me just say that slowly for you folks.
	That's the clown world horn.
	15 years in prison.
	So I did a video that I'll put on my YouTube channel where I just break down exactly how those guys got away with it, who they are, because no one's heard of Finbar Slonim, Kai Russo, and Caleb Perkins.
	Their corrupt lawyer, Moira Cohen, who is one of these fairy Antifa lawyers who magically appears every time a radical gets in trouble for a street fight and gets them off scot-free.
	I talk about all of that.
	And the corrupt reporting that has followed this case.
	Moira Meltzer-Cohen is her name.
	And she's like, lip ring, Kefaya says on her website she's devoted to radical politics.
	She's got a lip ring!
	She's the one who defended Chelsea Manning, who doxxed... Anyway, you'll see it in the video when it's done exporting.
	We will be taking calls in about 10 minutes.
	I hope the machine works.
	But I'd also like to keep going through the news.
	Ooh, I have something really weird to discuss with you.
	I'm not did you find Kim Globus by the way.
	I didn't know I'd look I looked maybe we're mishearing Globus We definitely are it's the hardest Yeah, that's tough, and I even typed in the radio station 1060 1060 channel 1 KY is it the and then Kim Globus I think Jack is in DC.
	Isn't he reporter?
	Oh, okay?
	He sent you that yep Yeah, so DC And I'm not trying to dox her, I just, I want to see the kind of people who are reporting the news because I bet it's some stupid little intern who's not even getting paid.
	Maybe you can get the radio station.
	Anyway, sorry, we're wasting your time.
	Speaking of me wasting your time by doing half-assed research.
	So this thing came out today in Breitbart.
	There's a think tank called the Capital Research Center.
	And I better hurry up with this SPLC lawsuit because these think tanks are getting more info than I would in discovery in a court of law.
	The left has, what does that headline say?
	The left has a 500 million dollar dark money ATM machine called Arabella.
	Now I know that sounds like Alex Jones, but we're talking about Breitbart here folks.
	And I'm not bragging, but Breitbart is pretty mainstream.
	In fact, they're retroactively going back and changing headlines that are too incendiary.
	Milo did an article years ago that said, birth control is making women stupid and ugly.
	And it was an actual study about problems with cognitive thinking after you have these hormone doses and how it ages you faster.
	And Breitbart changed the headline to, birth control is making women, and men, stupider and uglier.
	And I guess by men they mean women who identify as men?
	That bullshit?
	Is that what Breitbart's following?
	That's weird.
	I really thought they were going to change the language of the thing and not have to force men in there.
	Anyway, that's actually relevant.
	That's actually in Breitbart's benefit that I bring up that story to show you that they're not radical.
	This is not flat earthers.
	Breitbart is mainstream.
	And they're reporting on a study done by the Capital Research Center where they find this thing called Arabella, and what it is is it's sort of like a slush fund, a Soros-related globalist slush fund where they dole out money to these various groups, the people that attacked me on October 12th, all kinds of weird offshoots too.
	I hate to use the word tentacles because that's a common anti-semitic trope, but Here's an example.
	One of the things they allot money to is to encourage evangelicals, to encourage pastors to focus more on environmentalism, which I see as an attack on Christianity.
	And I was for gay marriage when it first came out.
	I said, fine.
	They're trying to normalize.
	They're trying to be traditional.
	That's awesome.
	But I realized later, no, you're trying to sabotage the Catholic Church.
	You don't really want to get married.
	You just have beef with Catholicism.
	And the beauty of making gay marriage legal is, you can force a Catholic priest to do it.
	So now you're making Catholicism illegal.
	And you can persecute Catholics.
	Perfect.
	Because once you can get rid of the family, once you can get rid of Christianity, religion, you can really focus on, from Palestine to Mexico, all the walls have got to go.
	You can really focus on destroying society.
	So anyway, they want to turn priests into greenies, and this is just one tiny segment.
	You can find the report in that Breitbart link, but at Capital Research Center, the name of the report is Big Money in Dark Shadows, and it says, turn evangelical Christians into environmentalist activists, going so far as to provide An, quote, environmental toolkit designed to enable pastors to integrate creation care teaching.
	What kind of fucking Orwellian speak is that?
	Creation care teaching into their ministry.
	The pastor's toolkit will include materials to educate pastors regarding creation care's basis in scripture, as well as fact sheets for pastors and their congregations on various environmental topics and suggestions for how congregations can take action to care for God's creation. - Sure. as well as fact sheets for pastors and their congregations God's creation.
	Sure, yeah, you're really worried about God, aren't you?
	Alright, here's where it gets weird.
	Now, everything I've been saying up to now is totally factual, look it up, this is not radical.
	But I'm about to get Alex Jones on your ass.
	Alright folks, alright folks, you ready?
	Now I'm not bragging.
	I'm reading more about this, and it transpires that the head of this thing is a guy named Eric Kessler.
	Now Eric Kessler is a pretty rare name.
	Kessler is a pretty rare name.
	It's German.
	It's often Jewish.
	Ashkenazi Jewish.
	But it's a German name that I don't think I've ever heard.
	Outside of one other person.
	Jason Kessler.
	Now, coincidentally, possibly, or maybe not, Jason Kessler's dad is named Eric.
	And Eric Kessler and Jason Kessler were all over the news the other day when Jason Kessler was on some anti-Semitic screed and his father came in the room and said, Stop!
	You're not talking like that in my house!
	And Jason Kessler said, ah, my dad's a cuck and he doesn't like me talking about that.
	And the liberals gobbled it up because they love any kind of fluke from the far right.
	And obviously I disavow Jason Kessler, but I'm going farther than that.
	I always suspected something was up with Charlottesville.
	Now we've left the fact zone.
	We're into the theory zone now.
	And the way Jason was pushing me to come to that thing and telling me that it was all about statues and it wasn't alt-right, the way he swore up and down to me that he was not alt-right, that he's just concerned about history.
	The way I had to scream at him to say, I'm not fucking coming.
	You do your thing.
	I don't want to be involved.
	I said, I used to fight Nazi skinheads when I was a teenager.
	That was my time to get out there.
	I don't do this shit anymore.
	I don't know who you are.
	I don't know anything about this thing.
	I got a bad feeling about it.
	I was screaming it on the beach with my kids.
	Now, I've been invited to a million things.
	And when you say, sorry, I can't make it or whatever, I'm not interested, they just drop it immediately.
	I've never been called 50 times about something.
	And I always thought that Charlottesville was some sort of booby trap where they pretend it's this benign thing about statues, lure you in and then all of a sudden it's tiki tortures and Nazis and Jews will not replace us and all this radical thing as a way of like, like a bug trap, right?
	You got a bright light, you suck all the bugs in and then they get zapped.
	Now, is it conceivable that Jason's dad, Eric Kessler, is the same Eric Kessler that's behind this Arabella fund?
	And Jason Kessler is just doing his dad's bidding and saying, I'll be the head of the alt-right and I'll sabotage it for you.
	And that'll be part of our globalist agenda.
	Just like George Soros' son is carrying on his globalist agenda.
	I have no idea.
	I'm sorry, folks.
	I'm just presenting a theory.
	But wouldn't that be the most fucked up thing in the universe if all of these millions of journalists had totally ignored the fact that Eric Kessler of Arabella is the same Eric Kessler that fathered Jason Kessler of Charlottesville?
	Can you autists get on that please?
	I'm, I got a family.
	I'm busy.
	I do a comedy show.
	I don't have time to research this shit.
	But if you look up Jason Kessler's dad, it says Eric Kessler.
	And if you look up Arabella, CEO, it says Eric Kessler.
	That's all I got.
	Those guys literally right now, they're like, check your email.
	That's how they work.
	It's like, or Eric Kessler is so powerful that the electricity just goes boom.
	Oh, damn it.
	Yeah.
	That happened to me in Sicily once.
	Say what?
	My buddy, Steve, his uncle is Luca da something-a and he was running in Palermo, this is in the early nineties, fighting the mob.
	His brother was killed by the mob and he was trying to shut down the mafia.
	And we were watching TV in Palermo, probably 1991 or two.
	And the, the mafia sponsored candidate says his thing.
	This is where we're headed by the way.
	It's a dystopian time machine.
	Um, and then Luca, whatever his name is, gets up and he goes, uh, si, grazie tesoro.
	Uh, io che fai?
	Cables out.
	Shut down.
	Damn.
	And I met him many years later at a talk and I was like, I know your nephew.
	I was, I saw your talk where the power shut down.
	But then you want to get even kookier?
	Again, this is a theory.
	I'll always be clear to you when I'm saying facts and when I'm saying theories.
	Everything there about Luca was a fact.
	Maybe you can look up his name.
	Luca Mayor Sicily.
	Oh, by the way, we're getting a lot of people sending us Kim Glovis, but oh cool.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, so let me Wow, we really got the autists out in full force.
	They're here I'll credit them in a second, but let's get that mayor from Mayor Luca Palermo Luca Yeah, that's him that's him Pull it up.
	Okay Let's resize it.
	What's his name, Tesoro?
	You know what's funny?
	Luca Orlando, that's it.
	I love saying to Italians, uh, Tesoro.
	It means treasure, and you say it to, like, your mistress.
	It's, it's almost erotic, it's so affectionate.
	And I always say, okay, ciao, Tesoro.
	And without exception, they always go, oh no, oh.
	No, you don't say that.
	That's a very, uh, that's a love.
	That's like a, you love me.
	I know.
	Yeah, I love you.
	Tesoro.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Oh.
	The only other one they freak out with is Moulin Yann.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Like you go, yeah, there was some like Moulin Yann.
	Oh!
	Oh, no, no, no, no.
	Moulin Yann, he's a very, very bad.
	He's a black man, very, very bad.
	You don't say that about a black man.
	Yeah.
	Well, he was.
	He was a Moulin Yann.
	Oh, no, no, no!
	No, no, no, no!
	Oh, sorry, Tesoro.
	No, no, no!
	I'm not Tesoro!
	A Tesoro lady!
	A lady you love!
	Or a guy like you, Tesoro.
	The other one is, uh... Oh, you should treat me like some kind of... What am I, a moulinette?
	A moulinette!
	They turn into Scooby-Doo.
	If you're in a taxi in London and you go, Hey, what's this?
	I don't know, mate.
	It's Bobby Sands eating a Smarty.
	They go, mate, mate, don't muck about with fat.
	That's real.
	If you don't know who I am, you could get bloody killed.
	That's not amusing.
	And then you go, can you go a chicken supper, Bobby Sands?
	Can you go?
	Bobby Sands was an IRA activist in prison who starved himself to death.
	And it's like the Catholic superconductor.
	So to disparage Bobby Sands to a Catholic is... Mate, you don't know who I am.
	I could be Catholic, mate.
	Well, I'm Protestant, but you would be dead right now if I was Catholic.
	Wow.
	So, you know this is Bobby Sands eating a Smarty?
	I'm sorry, I can't resist.
	When someone says, that's the third rail, I just can't help but go, you mean this?
	Yeah, exactly.
	You have such weird ways, you know exactly how to just... This is the subject that freaks everyone out, please don't go near it.
	Yeah.
	For one, for every culture.
	You told me something about South Africa, it was like, say this.
	I was like, what is that?
	It's basically like dropping a nuke.
	Kefa is their n-word, but the Boers the thing people don't get about the Boers in South Africa is they don't like other whites Like they don't like Greeks.
	They don't like Americans.
	They it's a very they're all consider them the Amish That's a smarter way to see the Boers the Amish are not down if Amish really like themselves You wouldn't call them white supremacists.
	They don't get along with any other whites so the Boers they call Greeks see n-words, or more specifically, see-cathas.
	So if you say to a South African, uh, yeah, I was in Greece.
	I mean, obviously the sea calfers get a little annoying and they'll always go.
	You gotta watch that.
	Wait, I'm doing it straight up.
	It's pretty New Zealand.
	You gotta watch that.
	You don't say, you don't say sea calfer.
	You have to watch that.
	That is a ready, uh, are you some kind of puss?
	I'm not ready for you to say sea calfer.
	Now I'm doing African.
	It's, it's really, it's dicey.
	Why are you gay?
	Why are you gay?
	Why are you- I'm not gay.
	I was told that we cut that off way earlier and it gets better.
	So we'll have to look into that.
	Well, someone sent me the entire video.
	Like I have an hour and a half to watch African talk shows.
	Apparently it gets better.
	Why are you gay?
	But the other thing about telling me to say that is I'm not you.
	So I can't get out of that.
	You know what I mean?
	If someone asks, why are you gay?
	To say, no, the most inflammatory thing in whatever culture, like, go over there!
	No, no, no, but you're, you're... It's ignorance, so... You're not calling her... Ryan is talking about a person of color that he knows from South Africa, and I said, work Secaffer into a sentence, and she'll laugh.
	Okay, so... She would laugh.
	Okay, okay.
	Because it's a horrible thing to say about Greeks.
	Uh-huh.
	Anyway.
	She might not.
	We have Kim Globus on the line.
	Let's look her up.
	Hello boys!
	I'm a little surprised.
	Yeah.
	I assumed it would be some dumb 21 year old.
	This woman has clearly been doing this for decades, and she has a Google search reveals in her repertoire?
	I have a bad, I have a theory, and so it's probably gonna be bad, but she's older, right?
	So, this new technology of Googling comes out.
	By the way, you're developing Trump shoulder-isms.
	She's older, right?
	Older.
	Older.
	She's not decrepit, but she's an older lady.
	Fragile.
	Frankly, frankly.
	She's not a zombie.
	She's not falling apart.
	I'm not saying that.
	Great person.
	Great girl.
	But frankly, she takes Google a little too seriously.
	I know, but if you're a boomer, surely you're used to doing a thing called research?
	Call me.
	I'm not hard to find.
	Maybe she's like the internet.
	Call Enrique Tarrio, more importantly.
	A Google search reveals, this is like that other hack thing that journalists do where they go, they're talking about like planking or something and they'll go, a Google search reveals over 800,000 hits.
	Planking is a new big thing.
	And then for footage, instead of leaving their office, they show someone scrolling Google.
	Yes, that's right.
	And we just see a scroll board like I don't have a fucking computer in my house.
	A Google search also says the opposite.
	Thanks for showing me how lazy you are, Kim Glovis.
	Oh, that's me.
	There we go.
	Kim Glovis.
	Yeah, a couple people said that.
	Is she divorced?
	What's her story?
	Let me look into her eyes.
	I'm kind of like Sherlock Holmes with this.
	It's yes on the divorce.
	She has one daughter.
	Her daughter is in college.
	She's a little overbearing with her?
	First year.
	Her husband remarried a woman similar to her age, which was kind of a culture shock to her.
	It actually hurt her more than a trophy wife because a trophy wife would have meant, oh, they love you till you show your age.
	Then they want to trade you in for a younger model.
	But instead he said, no, no, I it's not your age.
	It's your personality.
	Uh, I think she's very lazy.
	I don't think her heart, her heart is clearly not in it.
	And, uh, yeah, she showed up late to work that day and they said, we got this proud boys fire department thing.
	And she goes, okay, I'll pound something out.
	She wants to retire.
	I think she's getting money from the divorce.
	The alimony is probably pretty friendly and she's just, she's just going through the motions now for these next two years.
	Do you think it's kind of good that she didn't cite the SPLC?
	She had to say Google search.
	The Google search reveals they're an extremist group who are white supremacists whose ultimate goal is violence.
	Promoting violence.
	She couldn't say SPLC.
	No, she's too lazy to say it.
	But that line is pure SPLC.
	Maybe that's you winning though, because you're like, well I can't say SPLC.
	Correct, this is all fodder for the lawsuit.
	This is great!
	Well, thank you, Chip.
	More damage is the better.
	Thanks, Kim.
	Thanks, Chip.
	Thanks, Kim, and thanks, you lazy ass.
	Greg, Tommy, Keith.
	And thank you to your husband for doling out so much alimony that you've lost your will to live.
	By the way, speaking of alimony, did I tell you yesterday that, who was that photographer who does the Crying Babies, Julia Greenberg?
	Do you remember her?
	What was her name again?
	She is a successful photographer Yeah, you nailed it Julie Greenberg Julie Greenberg she's Just went through a divorce Stop me if I've already said this, but she pays her ex-husband alimony Their kids are basically grown.
	They're teenagers.
	They're ready for college like tomorrow.
	It's one kids a Nazi and she has to pay oh That's disappointing so young and he likes a Spock a lot a Trekkie Hitler That's so sad.
	Not starting off good, kid.
	That's a terrible beginning for a child.
	Um, she has to pay him alimony.
	Did we talk about that?
	That I don't remember.
	The alimony payment.
	Alimony.
	A woman paying a man.
	And, again, alimony was invented for the nona stirring the spaghetti sauce, and you abandon her for some big-titted mistress, some goomar, and she's, I don't know how to do anything.
	You need to give me some money so I can feed my babies that you abandoned.
	Getcha.
	I gotcha.
	That's fair.
	But an empowered woman who's driven and the kids are gone?
	That's insane.
	What's more insane is a woman Successful woman paying a man that means he has to be like hey, uh, sorry Julia I got a huge bachelor party friend of mine's getting married.
	I kind of need my 230 bucks from this week Like does she call him and ask does he call her?
	Sorry.
	See my voice can't even do the right pronouns He calls up his ex imagine calling your ex-wife and going ding dong.
	Hey check the mailbox and New dineros in there.
	I'm gonna need my, is it a monthly stipend?
	I'm gonna need my monthly stipend.
	So I can go what?
	Gambling with my friends?
	So I can go to Keene's Steakhouse?
	With my ex-wife's hard-earned money?
	Dude, don't you have, as my dad would say, would you like me to sew one of them back on?
	Imagine being so much of a pussy, loser, wimp, that you go to your ex-wife for fucking alimony.
	Now, if she abandoned the kids, and you gotta, you gotta, uh, pay for them, and it's, you're overwhelmed, you're busy, you gotta pay for a nanny, and she's some rich bitch who just abandoned the family.
	I kinda get that.
	That happened with Tucker Carlson's mom, by the way.
	She just went on some hippy-dippy trip and never came back.
	I understand her sort of paying, but even then, Tucker's dad didn't want any money.
	He doesn't need it, but... Reminds me of that song, the whole thing.
	Here she comes!
	Julia Greenberg paying alimony!
	Way to choose the weakest cover of that song.
	It's a karaoke version.
	Billy Idol was in a punk band called Generation X. Punk was dying.
	He, speaking of balls, says, I'm gonna go to New York City and I'm gonna start a new type of music called dance punk.
	And I'll take punk, but I'll add like a fucking drum machine and an 808 and I'll just sing like, on the floors of Tokyo.
	That was actually a Generation X song.
	But I'll sing.
	Fucking dance, stranger.
	Like Eyes Without a Face.
	Isn't that amazing?
	He started a new... I've seen in my peripheral vision you watching men fight.
	So he's got the same technique that you were talking about where he kind of swats the hands away.
	This is what a viewer has sent in.
	Yeah, that's kind of a different thing.
	But show it, show it.
	Okay.
	With the music?
	Oh, he's a Southpaw.
	I never noticed that before.
	Hmm.
	So he's doing what you do with a jab, where you're just trying to size out where his face is so you can do the right.
	His jab is with his right hand.
	Hmm.
	I'm talking about a totally different thing.
	You know how when you're a little kid you can catch a fly and tie some dental floss to it and you have a pet fly?
	I've never tried it.
	Well, we used to do that as kids.
	One time this kid, Clinton Bedecky, just saw it and he just killed it.
	I had like a pet fly for a day, floating around.
	He's just like, hey, cool.
	Killed it.
	What an asshole.
	Oh, he was a psycho.
	But I'm saying you have two flies on strings and as they're trying to get into your body you're just like... It's just a swarm of bees.
	You're in his face.
	It's a fight.
	It's a new fight move I invented that might end up being... You might start seeing it on TV.
	He's a pet fly.
	By the way, thanks Keith for that video.
	I was without a fish.
	I think you should realize that that's honey.
	There we go.
	Eat.
	I want to bring that fly on a plane as my security animal.
	That's pretty great.
	Alright, last news item before we take calls from... I've got the funniest news sites now, and I think they're reliable.
	I honestly wouldn't waste your time with some weird, potentially The Onion-type thing, but two news sites I've been following a lot that are reliable are Laura Loomer's site...
	Laura Loomer.us and Paul Joseph Watson's site, summit.news.
	But on Laura Loomer's site today, they talked about Google announced Tuesday, the tech giant removed over 100,000 videos, 500 million comments, and permanently suspended more than 17,000 and permanently suspended more than 17,000 channels from its subsidiary platform, YouTube, in its second quarter of 2019.
	Just the second quarter of 2019.
	What's that?
	Three months?
	Just in three months.
	In an attempt to rid the internet of hate speech.
	Now, to get back to Charlottesville, those people are white supremacists, extremists, you got the right guys.
	When you're bitching about Nazis all the time, alt-right, everything, those are the guys.
	Jews will not replace us.
	Fine, you got them.
	Good work!
	That was 300 people, right?
	Basically the totality of the far-right, alt-right, white supremacist Nazi movement in America.
	500 million comments?
	That's not hate speech.
	That is Trump speech.
	What we clearly have going on here is big tech controlling the narrative so Trump doesn't win in 2020.
	This is irrefutable!
	Think of your life.
	Think of how shocked you would be to meet a guy who goes, yeah, I'm not, I'm a good guy.
	I just think Jews run the world.
	Blacks should go back to Africa.
	And I hate homos.
	You go, wait, are you kidding?
	Are you, come on.
	No, Jews are evil.
	Espana's ain't.
	People, of course, take that out of context.
	And I wish all the cruise ships would get together and just, you know, have a constant fleet bringing them back.
	I guess we split up black and white couples.
	Gavin's wife's gotta go.
	Oh, she's from here.
	It's complicated, but let's get started at any rate.
	You would talk about it for weeks.
	You go, I actually met one of these weirdos.
	One of these 300 people out of 360 million.
	500 million comments is not hate speech.
	That is clearly Trump speech.
	17,000 channels?
	So they said, um, we've been removing harmful content since YouTube started, but our investment in this work has accelerated in recent years.
	Oh, you mean the years getting closer to Trump's re-election?
	Google said of its subsidiary YouTube, because of this ongoing- Oh, I just- I should have read that in a normal voice.
	Google said of its subsidiary YouTube.
	Because of this ongoing work over the last 18 months, we've reduced views on videos that are later removed for violating our policies by 80%.
	80%.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Wait a minute, what are they saying?
	We've reduced views on videos.
	Yeah, they've reduced views on videos 80%.
	That's pretty drastic!
	And we're continuously working to reduce this number further.
	My YouTube channel, I have insiders at YouTube, and they go, dude, you're not hanging by a thread.
	You're hanging by a thread's pubes.
	Like a micron.
	Yeah.
	A micron thick.
	If you were to say, I hate antisemites, they'd kick you off for saying antisemite.
	Like if you had a swastika with an X through it, you would get kicked off for having a swastika.
	They are, because they've already tried and I got legal really fast and they turned it around.
	But, uh, yeah, like even this Antifa exposed video I'm planning to put up.
	Oh, is that ready yet?
	Okay.
	But before we put that up.
	I would like to talk about MyBookie, which I don't think I made clear last time, is my favorite betting site in the world.
	And if you enter promo code GAVIN to activate the offer, you can get up to $1,000 doubled!
	So, go to mybookie.com, M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E dot com.
	Enter the promo code GAVIN, then you put in, say, nine hundred and... no, let's do a thousand.
	Put in a thousand bucks.
	You now have two thousand bucks!
	Wait a minute.
	So you get $2,000, just bet $1,000, say you lose that, right?
	You're back to $1,000.
	You haven't lost a penny.
	So this link, mybookie.com, with the promo code GAVIN, is a free $1,000.
	And you can bet on anything.
	I would bet on the Mets losing, especially if fucking Diaz is closing.
	That guy's face, I look at his face, he looks like a weird rat possum.
	And I just want to bite him.
	Diaz?
	Diaz.
	Have I got the name right?
	In the Mets, right?
	Mets picture, yeah.
	He looks like a pinhead.
	You know those circus pinheads?
	Oh, he does got a pinhead face.
	He looks like hoops from Flavor of Love.
	Look at him.
	He looks like you're not good at drawing faces very well.
	Yeah.
	Look at that big galoop.
	He does have a rat face.
	He looks like a Peruvian aboriginal.
	He looks like the guy who killed Trayvon.
	George Zimmerman.
	George Zimmerman is a Peruvian, by the way.
	So yeah, it's $1,000 bucks free.
	You can bet on just about anything, football, baseball.
	You bet, you win, they pay.
	MyBookie has live in-game betting on every NFL game.
	They got the most rewarding player perks in the business.
	And for you fantasy guys out there, you can even bet the over under on how many fantasy points a player will score each game.
	Bet, win, get paid.
	That's going to be my new slogan at the end of the show.
	That's pretty cool.
	And folks again, That'll be the day they change their pronunciation.
	there was a bookie before there was mybookie.com and thought no one would trust an Irishman so change his name from McGinnis to McInnis.
	I'm considering changing it back just so people will pronounce my goddamn name right for a change.
	That'll be the day they change their pronunciation.
	That'll be the day.
	It's funny the little stages Is this still true with my generation, Generation X?
	We had certain stages every single guy my age went through.
	We had a Jimi Hendrix stage.
	We had a Buddy Holly stage.
	We had a Led Zeppelin stage.
	We had a Beatles stage.
	And those are the only things you listen to for that duration.
	And sometimes you get full.
	Like I drank too much eggnog once.
	When I first discovered it, when I was like 10, I drank three big containers.
	And now just saying the word eggnog makes me want to vomit.
	And I'm the same way with Bob Marley.
	Okay, I'm good for one lifetime of Bob.
	No thank you.
	I'm stuffed.
	Especially Legend.
	Hearing Legend would be like drinking hot vodka in August.
	That's one of the songs?
	Legend?
	What?
	I don't know that song.
	You're not familiar with the number one selling reggae album?
	Possibly album album of all time?
	The album, yes.
	I thought that was a song by him.
	It's probably in the top 10 highest selling albums of all time.
	Up there with Bad Outta Hell.
	Woke up this morning.
	Why wouldn't you look up top 10 best selling albums of all time?
	Well, cause I'm looking up legend.
	I want to see what songs are on there.
	No, this isn't for you.
	You're not working for Ryan Katsu Rivera.
	We're trying to amuse people here.
	Wait, top 10?
	Oh my God.
	Top 10 greatest selling albums, best selling albums of all time.
	And then put it up on the screen so the folks at home... I just had a fantasy that you'd die.
	Me too.
	Oh, it is there!
	What number is it?
	Wait, they just show a bunch of albums?
	What number is Legend?
	1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.
	Oh!
	Did you say that like, what's his name, Mitch Hedberg?
	No.
	It was close though.
	I saw a new Mitch Hedberg joke and he goes, I believe in reincarnation and I also have a bad, no, I also have a big ego.
	So when I go to a museum, I say, I might've made that.
	That's pretty good.
	Fuck, he was good until he met a cunt and she got him into heroin and heroin got him into a casket.
	Alright, let's show the Antifa thing.
	And then, um... And I'm sorry, people listening to the podcast, you can't see all the awesome graphics that I'm about to supply.
	But Ryan and I worked hard on this, and it is a good example of... Clownworld!
	Clownworld!
	Okay, wait, no.
	Now we gotta get back.
	You're seven screens over.
	Yes.
	Oh, and it says something has gone wrong?
	Haven't you exported it as a QuickTime video?
	No, this is all good.
	Yeah, it's all good.
	We're the only show that's also behind the scenes.
	You don't need to get the blooper reel or the DVD extras.
	You're in the extras!
	Some people like that kind of thing.
	Alright, so now... What are you showing now, an elevator closing?
	...to the video.
	Oh, you gotta play soccer, mommy?
	Isn't anyone talking about that?
	What about the Antifa fight?
	Why isn't anyone talking about that?
	On October 12th, I did a talk at the Manhattan Republican Club, and it was hilarious.
	Very multicultural crowd, too, old, young, gay, black, white.
	Outside, there was rich white kids who were pissed off and screaming Nazi at us.
	My set that night was basically just making fun of Antifa and the humorless alt-left outside wasn't having it.
	They had been harassing the venue for a week.
	They glued the locks shut.
	They smashed the windows.
	They left a manifesto on the door saying, we are not civil, Hillary's quote.
	This is only the beginning.
	And they harassed all the people, even old ladies who were coming in to see my talk.
	While I was in there making everyone laugh, there was a reporter outside.
	And Antifa sensed that he might be pro-Trump.
	So they beat the shit out of him.
	And they stole his equipment.
	Now the police managed to get there.
	They caught three of this mob.
	Kai Russo, Finbar Slonim, And Caleb Perkins.
	I realize Kai and Finbar, who now goes by Solange, don't look very intimidating, but you have to understand they were just stupid and weak enough to get caught.
	The rest of the mob filtered out.
	They're led by this guy, Angel, who was on his phone all night, calling the shots.
	Caleb Perkins fought the cops when he was arrested, and he's fought the cops before.
	That's his trademark.
	About two years earlier, he was at a Black Lives Matter rally where he elbowed a cop in the face.
	But whenever these far-left foot soldiers of the DNC get in trouble, magical Antifa lawyer fairies just seem to appear.
	And in the case of Caleb, uh, the two years ago, uh, what's her name, um, Moira Meltzer-Cohen showed up.
	She describes herself as someone who believes the relationship between law and justice is shaped by my commitment to radical social movements.
	She uses the pronouns she and they and so if you're talking about it you say they are admitted to practice law in New York State.
	So, they also represented Antifa stalwart Chelsea Manning, who, along with Vic Berger, doxxed Cernovich's Night for Freedom, wherein Antifa quickly showed up and beat a Jewish man within an inch of his life because they thought he was a Nazi.
	So, The journalist who was attacked, he shows up in court.
	He wants them prosecuted.
	Nothing happens.
	No media attention.
	No reputations tarnished.
	No criminal records.
	Zero punishment for this hate crime.
	They beat him up because they assumed that he was a Trump supporter and they robbed him.
	Those are felonies.
	When you beat the crap out of someone in a mob and take their stuff, especially a journalist, that's a felony.
	Zero charges.
	Conversely, at the end of the night, Antifa were dispersed.
	They went around the block.
	Six individuals circled the block and came 82nd Street, Lexington Park, to try to intercept the group.
	They formed a human wall.
	They whipped a bottle of piss at Proud Boys.
	One of them, Max Hare, ran up, took off his mask.
	They de-masked them all.
	You can see what they look like here.
	And the police showed up and said, do you want to press charges?
	The Antifa, who had just been beaten up for attacking them, said, fuck you, pig.
	Alrighty then.
	There's nothing to do here.
	There's no victims.
	When you have an assault charge, you're supposed to have hospital records and police reports.
	No victims, no crime.
	They said, get lost pig, we're fine.
	But this had become politicized now.
	And we had de Blasio and the Attorney General and the Governor saying, we won't tolerate hate.
	Everything that the politicians described about that Proud Boys fight totally relates to the Antifa fight.
	We will not tolerate hate in our town.
	Randomly attacking someone because of their views.
	Yeah, guys, you're right.
	But you got the wrong fight!
	So, the trial happens, a total clown world shit show.
	I am all over the trial, as predicted.
	That's why I quit the Proud Boys, so they wouldn't be able to use me in this trial.
	They used me anyway, and they made up stories.
	Like, at one point, there's a black conservator that comes on defending the Proud Boys, and the DA says, Do you think it's funny when Gavin McInnes describes Obama as a monkey?
	I've never said that in my life.
	And the black conservative in the stand goes, well, not really, not in that context.
	They had this Antifa journalist who they showed a picture of her giving Trump Tower the finger, the defense did, to show that she's not a reliable source.
	She starts having a panic attack and screaming, I recognize my Rolex watch!
	Like, that's the level.
	They had the ADL in there.
	No one takes the ADL seriously.
	Law enforcement isn't supposed to listen to ADL anymore, but they're in the trial and now these guys are facing 15 years.
	One of them, by the way, is already in prison.
	He's in jail, sorry.
	He's in Rikers doing 40 weekends.
	Jeffrey Young.
	His dad was a cop.
	His dad said, what?
	You were barely in the fight.
	This is just a stupid barroom brawl with guys that started it.
	And the reporting on the trial was even more clown world.
	At one point, John keeps telling the reporters to get out of his face, and he goes like this.
	The photographer gets nice and low, and gets a shot to make the hand look higher, and accused him of giving a Roman salute.
	And when Rolling Stone was reporting on it, they must have spent like a day photoshopping my image to look sinister.
	And the sentencing hasn't happened yet.
	We're appealing it.
	I'd love to start a fundraiser, but we can't.
	Because this video will get taken down and the fundraiser will get closed down.
	Because you're not allowed to have legal representation.
	You're not allowed to pay for your appeal to try to get some sense into the courtroom.
	Jeffrey Dahmer can have legal representation.
	Harvey Weinstein can.
	But not patriotic Trump supporters.
	And I'm reminded of that NBC interview with the Covington Catholic School Kids, where she said, you just stood there, you stood your ground.
	There's something aggressive about standing there.
	Standing your ground.
	And it has become aggressive to stand your ground.
	Standing your ground means you will lose your reputation.
	Standing your ground means you will get fired.
	Standing your ground means you will go to prison.
	So what's the solution?
	stand your ground that is a high quality video
	And folks, you cheapskates who don't pay for the membership can't see the overwhelming barrage of images we had.
	Nor can you see Johnny Apple CBD.
	It's a CBD site.
	J A C B D dot com.
	Get it?
	It's a play on words with Johnny Appleseed.
	Did you know Johnny Appleseed, by the way, not Johnny Apple CBD.
	That's a different person.
	I'm talking about the real Johnny Appleseed.
	Um, those apples were not for consumption.
	Really?
	Apples have only been sweet for the past, maybe 80 years, a hundred years at the most.
	Oh, is that for mead or something?
	We've bred mead.
	Mead?
	Well, I hope all you teachers from the South Bronx listen to the show and see the kind of education you've provided the people of your community.
	Johnny Apple Mead.
	This guy, one of your students from the Bronx, thinks that mead is what you get when you ferment apples to make alcohol.
	It wouldn't be apple cider.
	It would be honey mead.
	What do you make with bourbon?
	Apple bourbon?
	I don't know.
	Meat is honey, dude.
	It's the original beer.
	It's what Fryer Tuck and all those guys drank.
	Anyway, he would go on the outskirts of the Pioneers, and he would go like 10-20 miles ahead of them, plant all these apple trees, and by the time they made it there, the apple trees were thriving, right?
	And then he would sell them the apples.
	They would ferment the apples and make it into booze.
	Because everyone was pissed during the colonization of America.
	Because it was stressful with the Indians.
	And it was hard to find good water.
	So if you drank booze, you could get sort of hydrated.
	And know that you're not going to die.
	So booze was an integral part of the discovery of America.
	And apple cider was an integral part of booze.
	And Johnny Appleseed was a crucial part of that process.
	And this all counts as the read, by the way.
	Right?
	I don't think so.
	People have J-A-C-B-D dot com in their head.
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	I think we're ready for some calls.
	I think so as well.
	As well, as well, as well.
	That's another sound we need on the soundboard.
	The guy from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony cracked out of his mind.
	Well, uh, yeah, if you will.
	Um, Jordan, uh, from Dakota.
	Hey, Jordan!
	Can you hear me?
	Hi, Jordan.
	Can you hear me?
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	Alright.
	Yeah, hey, I, uh, um, I wrote a letter that never got read that I challenged Ryan to a boxing match.
	Oh yeah?
	Oh, is this John?
	No, it's Jordan.
	Wait, how long does it take you to... First of all, Ryan, the caller's name is Jordan, and you say, is this John?
	And then secondly, Jordan, why does it take you an hour to answer, are you John?
	It sounds like a leg, but no, I'm not John.
	Who's going to pay for the flight?
	Like getting Copper Cab up here to fight cost me an arm and a leg.
	I had to make sure he had food money when he landed in New York.
	So who pays for all this?
	Do you fly up here?
	Do we fly Ryan down there?
	Well, that's the thing.
	I nailed him the letter.
	I mentioned how I would bring my own food monies.
	So it was a good letter and he would still find it.
	It'd be good for Ryan's mailbag, since I sat through the first one that was atrocious.
	He said atrocious?
	I was hoping he'd maybe read my letter, but... Okay, well, thanks for your call, sir, but we don't listen to people who use the word atrocious.
	Ryan, do you want to have a look at that letter?
	I have the letter, yes.
	Did you hang up on him yet?
	No, I will... Well, you hang up on the guy as soon as I say anything remotely like, thanks for your call.
	Bye, Jordan.
	Fuck, you're tooling around on trying to find the letter.
	But you asked me if I found the letter.
	And then you said... Yeah, now would be the time you'd find the letter.
	Alright.
	When you're running the callers, you want to get in and out super fast.
	Steve... Wait, wait, wait.
	Now go back to the letter.
	Have you read the letter?
	Is it as good as he says?
	I'm going to read it in my mailbag.
	It's a teaser.
	Okay.
	So we are bringing back Ryan's mailbag.
	He's going to be much more succinct and talk about his stupid shows like Jeff the Shep and the Grimy Corner, whatever the hell he works on.
	That is the boomerest thing I've ever heard you say.
	Yeah.
	Steve, hey liberal bullshit.
	Yeah.
	I'm wondering, if gender is a social construct, then clearly race must also be a social construct.
	So I encourage anyone who is suffering from white guilt to simply self-identify as a different race to absolve yourself of any of that garbage.
	And additionally, how can young men distinguish between real boobs and a well-done fake boob job?
	I'll leave it to you, Jeff.
	Thank you, Steve.
	Thank you for your call, Steve.
	I haven't had any trouble.
	But I haven't had that many fake tits.
	If you felt a lot of fake tits, I've dated a lot of strippers, and not only can you feel the bags, you can feel the seam of the bag.
	Yeesh.
	So in Canada, the way we get milk is they come in milk bags and then you put the milk bag in your pour thing and you cut the corners and then you pour it.
	So I'm very, I can't get the milk bag seam out of my mind when I'm touching your fake tits.
	And again, my dad could have fake tits.
	So it's not sexual.
	I don't understand.
	I met one guy who loves fake tits in my life and I wanted to put him in plexiglass and charge people money to talk to him.
	Ladies, you never asked us about fake tits.
	Now, That being said, I'm not the biggest fan in the world of total and utter pancakes.
	But, and I guess fake tits are slightly better than that, but not much.
	I dated this ex-escort once.
	She was a cam girl.
	And I didn't know her when she did that.
	I just noticed she was stunning.
	And I've told this story a million times, but she would lecture me on her tits.
	And how I don't pay enough attention to them.
	Cause every other square centimeter of her body got hours of attention, but I would be like kissing her face and her neck.
	And then I would be on the way down to the zone and I'd have to stop it for a tit stop at the pit stop.
	And I would just sort of go.
	Alrighty.
	Alrighty then.
	And then do the belly and I just, I couldn't, they ruined the vibe.
	That's sad.
	And to get back to your first point caller, and I'm sick of these two point calls.
	You get one point per call.
	That was Dave Chappelle's bit.
	in his new special.
	He said he can't stop laughing at transgender.
	Don't you think it's funny that you'd be born in a different body?
	And then he says, imagine I was born Chinese, and I was like, Hi, what are you doing?
	And people go, stop doing that, Dave.
	And you go, no, no, no, it's not a racist thing.
	This is who I am.
	Yeah, I would think that was funny.
	By the way, ew.
	What's that?
	Those are what breast implants look like after a while.
	Here's a question.
	If you are a woman and you have a double mastectomy, or even a single mastectomy, should you get a fake tit?
	Yeah.
	So, so far, ladies, they're better than a giant scar with... Oh, what about this?
	You don't have a nipple anymore when you have your tits removed.
	Should you get a tattoo of a nipple?
	I have a friend, Melissa, who did this, and she said they can make a nipple, but they cut it off your thigh, and then they sew it on, and you have a fucking hole in your thigh, and it kills!
	That's awful.
	Or there's tattoo artists, like the guy who did my back piece, Anthony Civarelli of Lotus Tattoo, the singer of Gorilla Biscuits, he can do, like, a perfect nipple.
	And I say go for it.
	Because when you're looking down, just aesthetically, you're reminded of a tit.
	You know it's not a real tit, but whatever.
	Yeah.
	Although, you know what?
	If I was with a woman who had a double mastectomy, I'd probably just say leave the bra on.
	Well, that's a good idea.
	They would call me LeBron James.
	Because I'd be like, leave that bra on.
	Anyway, so yeah, another call?
	Yep.
	Alright.
	Viral video I saw yesterday.
	It's not going viral.
	Mike, or something.
	Hey Mike.
	Hey guys.
	Hey, I sent the video, I believe, to the mailbag and also to Ryan's Instagram, but I saw this video that took place at Dodgers Stadium two days ago, when the Dodgers, I'm sorry, Arizona, at Chase Field, the Dodgers were playing the Diamondbacks, and a lady doing an Operation Flag Drop, I guess, a 2020 flag, they hung over the railing, Um, she was getting escorted out of the stadium, but she was being a little bit, you know, abrasive and not leaving security guard came down.
	He was clearly triggered by the fact that it was a Trump 2020 flag and he pulled a knife out to cut the flag off, but it was connected to her wrist.
	And he basically, I mean, it came close to getting really bad and the knife going into her stomach as far as for myself from the video, but I can't find the video.
	Going viral anywhere or any news site, but it looks like something that the, you know, cables returned would be over, like, maybe on the news.
	So I was wondering if you could, uh, maybe check the mailbag or... Is this a case of black privilege?
	Was the security guard black?
	What's that?
	Was the security guard black?
	Oh, that's why it's not on the news.
	Have you heard anything about this woman who threw a Molotov cocktail into the ICE, uh, headquarters?
	Only, I saw on Tim Pool, he did a video on his YouTube, but that's the only thing I saw it on.
	That's the only thing I thought on.
	Yeah, that's totally forgotten.
	Or how about D'Angelo Parnell, 17, has been charged with nine counts of attempted murder after shooting up a football game?
	Zero recognition on the news.
	I haven't seen that one.
	All right, well, thanks for calling, caller.
	Thank you.
	We will definitely look up that video.
	Again, Ryan, focus on the hang-up before you go try to find the thing.
	Where is he?
	He's gone.
	He hung up on himself.
	No.
	Do you have the video?
	Uh, yes.
	Folks at home, you should understand that Ryan doesn't read the letters.
	He puts in his five hours a day and then he just like naps and listens to podcasts like Grimy Corner or Jeff the Chef.
	I played guitar yesterday.
	Played guitar.
	And I'm getting better.
	Do you have the video or not?
	I thought you said you had it.
	No, I thought I did.
	It was a guy.
	Well, don't you have the letter?
	How can you not read letters?
	That I was looking forward to.
	You know what, remember that last year there was a massive flag that unfurled, a huge banner, and it said, racism is as American as baseball.
	And first of all, that makes racism look awesome.
	So that was a dumb thing you did.
	Because you did it at a baseball stadium during a game.
	So everyone who's watching it is going, oh cool, I guess I like racism then because I really like baseball.
	But is there a stupider notion than calling baseball racist?
	Where I wouldn't be surprised if non-Hispanic whites are a minority.
	It's perfectly normal to see an interview with a baseball player in Spanish, where he has to have the questions translated.
	The idea that you're a racist watching baseball.
	Goddamn Spics, get off the field!
	Yeah, that's why I hate Diaz, because he's Hispanic.
	You take the Hispanic man, especially out of the Mets, what is left?
	So it's like saying, accusing people who like boxing as being racist.
	You can't.
	There's no room for racism in sports, literally.
	You'd be exhausted.
	I mean, name a sport.
	If you were a racist and you didn't want non-whites in it, the sport would have like 32 guys in it.
	Let's go watch a basketball game with no blacks.
	So what the fuck are they talking about?
	I really think that banner should have got more attention because it couldn't be easier to disprove.
	What do you got now?
	I hate that kind of head.
	Hold on one second, I gotta get the audio back.
	What are you doing now?
	Did you definitely find the video?
	I'm going to show you in the first video tonight, so I'm going to give you that now.
	Amy Schumer.
	Looks to be Latina.
	She's got a Trump hat on.
	Is someone mad at her?
	That security guard.
	Hold on.
	Oh, she's holding up a Trump banner.
	You see that?
	Oh, yes.
	- That's okay. - - Get off right now, wait a minute. - It's not too good to go, okay guys? - I don't know what you're doing now.
	Is that the same one that that guy was laughing at?
	Remember?
	No, it wasn't.
	It isn't.
	I understand his point.
	We don't want banners here.
	It's not a political thing.
	I love Trump, but I could see that might be in someone else's eyes.
	All right, you made your point.
	Let's take it down.
	I'm on his side right now.
	I'm on both of their sides at the beginning.
	Look, at some point he has a knife.
	There's 11 fucking minutes here.
	Maybe that's why it hasn't gone viral, dude.
	Now the black security guard pulls out a machete.
	Why are you gay?
	Rub poopoo!
	Don't be fighting over a railing, lady.
	Jesus, these women with this infinite hubris, they're making me very uncomfortable.
	She flies over that railing, she's dead.
	Yeah.
	Stop it!
	He's trying to get behind her.
	She flips.
	That's it.
	What is she doing?
	Oh, he's got a- is that the knife in his hand there now?
	Dude, this video sucks.
	Thanks for wasting our time.
	Wait, I think here comes the knife.
	There it goes.
	Knife.
	Wow.
	He's being a little irresponsible with that.
	Yeah, that was stupid.
	Now he dropped it.
	That was idiotic.
	Yeah, what are you doing?
	But this is not a viral video, dude.
	Okay, new rule.
	When people call us and say, check out this video, from now on we say, alright, thank you very much, sir.
	We will definitely look into that.
	And in this case, we would have flushed it down the toilet where it belongs.
	I wonder why this video didn't go viral.
	Goddamn, I have way too much faith in people.
	I gotta stop that.
	I gotta be more dubious.
	I have to be more of a dick.
	Thank you, sir, for making us more of a dick.
	Next shitty call, I'm reading from a sponsor.
	Hey, Jim.
	To punish you.
	My brother, can you hear me alright?
	Yes.
	It's all good, man.
	I just also had a fantasy about Ryan dying, and I was really sad.
	Nice job on the app.
	Sort of a bunch of bugs for me.
	And I love the laughs and the comedy.
	They're sort of needed these days.
	Brother, I wonder, outside of Rogan and Ezra, who's dropped you?
	Because there's, quote, you know, you've got a hive of bees around you, bees flying around you.
	And who's stood beside you?
	I hope that you sue the SPLC into bankruptcy.
	And thanks for taking my call.
	I'll listen online.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Peace out.
	I hope that's me.
	That was a good one.
	Except, he had a fantasy about you dying and he felt sad.
	Yeah, he didn't like it.
	I think he means he had a dream.
	No, no, it was probably like a nightmare, maybe, or...
	Like, but no one fantasizes.
	You don't feel bad about your fantasies.
	I don't feel bad about Eva Mendes and Lucy Liu wrestling over who gets to blow me first.
	He imagined it.
	Okay.
	That's not a fantasy, dude.
	Um, I think it's easier to list who didn't abandon me.
	That would be Laura Loomer, Milo Yiannopoulos, Alex Jones, then like Jack Posobiec, Cassandra Fairbanks, uh, all those sort of weirdo misfit toys on the, On the on the right it what about liberals who didn't screw me over?
	I don't want to say their names because they didn't go public about it And I don't want to screw ruin their careers, but very few out of this sort of LA funny scene I can think of one mmm, and he's getting in shit because He goes to parties, and he doesn't disparage Trump enough He doesn't wear a Trump shirt, but they're all bitching about Trump and then look over at him, and he's like, meh.
	That's wearing a Klansman uniform in LA.
	Gotcha.
	So yeah, and Dave Rubin, by the way, he had abandoned me back like maybe two years ago.
	He was already like, yeah, I'd love to get you on the show, but... James O'Keefe didn't abandon you.
	James O'Keefe, that's another good one.
	But he doesn't, he's not someone who hosts people.
	He did appear on my show though at the drop of a hat, so yeah.
	Yeah, James O'Keefe's a good example.
	Oh, Iowa.
	Anthony Cumia?
	Oh yeah.
	Iowa?
	That's all it says?
	Okay.
	Go Iowa.
	Hey man.
	Hey G-Dog, I know you have your book Death of Cool that talks about your life and everything, but I was wondering, since books are for fags and I don't want to read it, if you're going to do a Free speech presents about your life, basically, and how you got where you're at.
	Sorry, this call isn't crystal clear and Ryan decided to start slam dancing during the call.
	What are you doing over there?
	You didn't hear it?
	No, I couldn't hear anything.
	You're dancing around, knocking shit over, stretching, because you're an old lady with a weak stomach and a sore back?
	I dropped my Buzz Lightyear.
	Oh, shit!
	Interrupt the call!
	One of your toys fell!
	I heard it loud and clear.
	I can tell you what he said.
	Okay, please tell me what he said.
	He said that, um, you wrote the book, Death of Cool, but books are for fags, so he's wondering if you'll do a free speech presents about your life and how you got to where you are.
	Like you're more than a friend.
	No.
	Buy the book.
	Next call.
	Okay.
	Maybe being gay.
	Okay.
	Go ahead, caller.
	Hello?
	Hey there, I got done with work the other day, and it was a great day, great, good day outside working, and I turned the radio on, okay, bear with me, and the soundtrack to Footloose came on.
	Now, I didn't know what it was at the time, but I was really jamming out to it.
	M-I-J.
	That's a great question, man.
	And we've all been there.
	Like, you'll hear a jam, and you go, oh, this is kind of a cool beat.
	I never heard this song before.
	I'm kind of into it.
	And they go, and that was Culture Club with Karma, Karma, Karma Chameleon.
	All right.
	Coming up next, we have Depeche Mode on K-R-E-T-C.
	And you go, what the?
	You feel dirty inside.
	Because you go, I just enjoyed careless whisper.
	I just enjoyed shout.
	No, you're not gay.
	It's perfectly normal to enjoy Kenny Loggins, who has a beard, by the way.
	If you want to know what music makes you gay, just check in with whatever Ryan listens to.
	And he likes stuff like, It feels good to be a woman.
	So your Brad Pitt, that don't impress me much.
	Yeah, he likes bands like Soccer Mommy.
	Just that one song.
	You can enjoy Depeche Mode, you can enjoy Tears for Fears, Culture Club, George Michael, Michael Jackson, The Rapist.
	And you need those for karaoke too.
	You gotta expand your repertoire.
	There's not many masculine songs at karaoke.
	I just do The Clash.
	You say you stand by your man.
	That was terrible.
	That wasn't good.
	London Calling is a good one because you just get you get to be the cool guy and you're like London Calling yes I was there too and you know what they say well some of it was true.
	Is that the words?
	Yeah.
	London calling, yeah, I don't want to shout, but phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust.
	So speaking of London, are you done?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	We have Texas calling.
	Stop dropping your stupid toys, you infant!
	Nick, you're on the line.
	Hey Gav, I realize I only have one thing to talk about now, but what's your policy on towels?
	Do you wait like a week until you change your towel, or like two weeks, or is it like a next day thing?
	Good question, sir.
	Thank you for calling.
	I would just like to, before I get into this, I would like to quote the comedian Redd Foxx and his seminal album, You Gots to Wash Yo' Ass.
	So, when I give these instructions, I'm assuming that you took the soap bar and you basically murdered your butthole.
	You were just... Really like...
	And then you were like a Muslim wiping his ass after just going So your your anus you could you wouldn't feel uncomfortable if your mother worth was to eat strawberry jam off your butthole So assuming that's true, the rest is just like, your penis is clean, your foreskin's forward, everything is spotless here.
	Like, Milo got really mad at me about this.
	He goes, I'm never showering at your home, ever!
	Which probably wasn't gonna come up anyway, Milo.
	But you're drying off a clean thing.
	It should be like drying off a mug that just came out of the dishwasher.
	So I would say...
	Once, I would say basically never.
	Until you smell them and you go, oh, that's kind of musty.
	I don't know how it got musty, because I assume you hang it up right after so it dries.
	That's the key.
	If you leave it on a ball on the floor, like Ryan does, then yeah, it's going to be musty.
	I do not.
	But if you're constantly spotless when you get out of the shower, and that only takes a minute and a half.
	I already made it clear that showers should be a minute and a half.
	You can get all this shh.
	You only have one, two, three, four spots.
	To clean.
	You don't wash your fucking knees.
	So say you do the 1, 2, 3, 4 spots.
	Like crazy.
	Then your towel is not getting shit and, you know, taint jizz on it.
	Taint jizz?
	Taint cream.
	You know when you haven't had a shower in a while and either side of your crotch is all greasy?
	Mm-mm.
	Okay, well you're Asian.
	You guys are superior to us disgusting Scots.
	That's what they say.
	Then you're just cleaning off a clean thing.
	And if it's hanging, it's hanging.
	So I would say If it reeks and it's musty, obviously that overrules everything.
	But if it's not, I'm gonna say six months.
	So, if there's any visible stains, it's gotta go.
	If it's musty, it's gotta go.
	Outside of that, and you're a clean dude, I'm gonna say basically never.
	Damn.
	And while we're on the subject, never wash your hair with any kind of soap ever.
	No soap has touched this scalp since 1984.
	And my brother's balding.
	My dad is, looks like a fucking turtle with AIDS.
	Bald as a, as a dead cue ball.
	And I have basically Vidal Sassoon hair.
	Although when I start taking these HGHs, apparently I'm going to go bald.
	I hope not.
	We got another caller?
	Yep.
	Yes, I was there too.
	Cody.
	What's up, Cody?
	Hey, Cody.
	Code.
	The Code-ster.
	253 number.
	Maybe the name isn't Cody.
	This thing does a weird thing.
	Cody.
	Maybe we're pronouncing it wrong.
	Maybe it's Code.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Code.
	Yeah.
	I'd just like to say that, uh, fake tits are more push-up bra than implants.
	What do you mean?
	Well, If you see a chick with big tits, and you go to take her shirt off, you take the bra off, and there's no tits, I'd rather see fake tits, i.e.
	implants, than nothing.
	I would like to get you on free speech, where we both sit face-to-face, sort of like William F. Buckley and Gore Vidal, and argue with you for two hours, because I strongly disagree.
	Obviously, pancakes are terrible.
	You'd rather fuck a 12-year-old boy, looking girl, than someone with money to get breast implants.
	So, in your case, the push-up bra is coming up here, and then she takes them off, and they're basically like, just nothing.
	Well, I mean, okay.
	You obviously know what I mean.
	No, but you can't make a mountain out of a molehill.
	So if she has boobs that are like an A-cup, or whatever the smallest is, and then she wears a push-up bra, they can go up to maybe a B-cup.
	But still, when she takes off the bra, she still has an A-cup.
	I am fine with just like a fist-sized tit.
	I have seen some magic happen, where an A-cup Goes all the way up to a low D, high C area.
	And it was just... It was... Disorienting when I saw it.
	Could you feel the bag?
	What?
	Are you talking about implants?
	Yeah.
	No, I'm talking about... Like folded meat, basically.
	Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
	I've seen it.
	Yeah, I've seen it.
	Well, there's not nothing there.
	There's just less there.
	Alright.
	We'll take your word for it, Codes.
	Okay, I'm glad you hung up, because we were talking in circles, but let's get down to the mathematics here.
	If your tits are five, well, that's a bad, that's, well, I have to use numbers.
	Let's say your tits are 32.
	No, that's a bad analogy too.
	Out of, let's say the biggest tits, I don't know tit sizes.
	So let's say the biggest tits in the world, like gigantic tits are a 10 and almost no tits are a one.
	All right.
	Say you have a 1.5.
	If you wear a pushup bra, you might be able to get up to a three.
	Say you have a seven, a pushup bra might get you up to a nine.
	But, he's got a series of different complaints there.
	One, I thought he was saying is, she has these things that come out like this, and then she takes off her bra and they go, boing-oing-oing-oing.
	Boing-oing-oing-oing is awesome.
	If she's on all fours and they're hanging down like penises, like pendulous arms, that's awesome.
	The only thing we dislike is these, and I know what you're saying, you're probably a young man, you're probably 20 and you're like, That fucking old codger thinks that penises hanging down is awesome.
	You'll get here, my friend.
	You'll get here.
	You're a young man.
	You only like porcelain perfection.
	Soon, you won't even want porcelain perfection.
	You'll want them to sag.
	You'll want them to go to either side when she lies on her back.
	You don't want nothing.
	You don't want meatless.
	But where the meat goes after you're, say, you become 33 years old, then you're just like, I don't care where it goes.
	So I like that when you push them up, they're up here, like at the Renaissance Fair.
	And then when we come home, they go boom.
	Maybe not to your lap, but boom flop flop floppy flop Now his thing this him him pretending that nothing's can go to crazy huge jugs That's not a thing and as far as the 12 year old boy comment, which was very rude Yeah, I'm fine with these I'm fine with tits this big I would prefer tits that let's settle what he was getting at I
	He thinks I'm crazy, and we'll agree to disagree, but I would prefer this to a fake this.
	Hmm.
	How do you feel about that?
	Um, you know, I'm not super picky, but the deal breakers are deal breakers.
	The magic tricks, I never appreciated.
	Just answer the question, Jesus Christ.
	Well, he got to rant on it.
	I just said, would you prefer this real to this fake?
	Probably this real.
	Okay.
	Very simple, right?
	I've never encountered a fake boo.
	You better not do this on the next mailbag.
	Don't go off at tangents.
	Pretend there's a gun to your head and a clock ticking.
	I'm looking at... Push-up bras?
	Yeah.
	But... Why are you looking at that by yourself and not showing the folks at home?
	I'm trying to find a good one.
	I mean, I'm really not getting much out of this.
	Go to the top left, though.
	This one here.
	Top left?
	Well, we want to see... Before and after.
	He's talking about a massive difference.
	Oh, that's a good one.
	The before and after.
	Both of those are great.
	I don't... has she deceived us?
	Is this some sort of magic hocus pocus?
	No!
	The ones with the cleavage look like 10%, 15% bigger.
	So?
	I've never met a fake tit before.
	You haven't?
	No.
	Uh, yeah.
	I haven't.
	You travel in wholesome circles.
	When I was the owner of Vice, I was obviously heavily associated with literal vice.
	Yes.
	Alright, next call.
	We got Joseph.
	Why do Midwesterners earn just like crap?
	Joseph?
	Hey, Gavin.
	Calling in because I grew up in France.
	And each time I go to the U.S.
	to visit my relatives, I notice that all these young people put absolutely no effort into being presentable.
	What's the deal with that?
	Is that like a deal where it's like everywhere in the U.S.?
	Or is that just a Midwestern thing?
	I mean, at least in France, people are at least presentable if they're not trying to look fly.
	So yeah, wanted to know your thoughts on that.
	So he said, why do people look like shit in the Midwest?
	Yeah, yeah.
	He grew up in France.
	Thank you.
	Thank you, caller.
	It's beyond frustrating.
	You know, when I lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, we went to a public school, which I don't recommend, and the parents got this notice that said, in very nice schooly terms, can you stop coming to school in your pajamas reeking of weed?
	Two separate things there.
	Don't come to school wearing, don't drop your kids off in pajamas, you lazy slut.
	What are you, on welfare?
	Yes, she is.
	And smelling of weed?
	What, you're waking, baking?
	You're reeking up the school with an illegal drug.
	Get your shit together, you loser.
	But yes, thank you so much for saying that, caller.
	It drives me insane.
	The sweatpants everywhere?
	Sweatpants?
	Don't you have a wallet and a phone and keys?
	Isn't that like dragging your pants down?
	And Ryan wears sweatpants all the time.
	These shower shoes these stupid slip-on sandals I walked by what kids and athletics do now is like basketball kids and and track and everything hockey everything They wear they go to the game.
	They do their shit and then they come home in shower shoes So you'll be walking down the sidewalk and there'll be an entire team of high school kids 50 guys a hundred percent of them wearing little ankle socks little Bobby socks we called them in the 80s and shower shoes and And how many times have you seen a street fight where those things go flying and they're long gone and you're running around in your socks?
	And they show up at the airport in their pajamas?
	The especially frustrating thing about this is you're at your peak.
	You're at your attractive peak.
	You're 20.
	Everything is downhill from here.
	Actually, I shouldn't say that.
	As far as how you being attractive goes, 18 to 30 is really the most attractive you're ever going to be.
	And if you're just, you're at a sleepover.
	They go to the airport, they're sleeping at the gate and they're PJs.
	Grown women, like 22-year-old women have a stuffed animal with them.
	What is going on?
	You're beautiful, you can't wear little kitten heels to the airport?
	And if you're a dude, dress like Johnny Cash and have an old-timey record player in your dorm.
	You'll get so much pussy you'll have AIDS.
	That's the other thing about style in general.
	Okay, I get it.
	You're not Tom Ford.
	Fine.
	Just stick to basics.
	Have Chucks and Levi's and a Hanes shirt.
	You know, if you don't want to be the talk of the town, then just stick to Carhartt or something.
	Reliable.
	Red Wing boots.
	Stan Smith's.
	Rod Laver's.
	Chuck Taylor's.
	All the basics are already there for you.
	Desert boots.
	Clark's.
	Brooks Brothers, Fred Perry, whatever.
	Adidas.
	Not Adidas, the sporty stuff, but the collared shirts.
	It's a constant source of rage.
	And...
	And people go, I'm not a slave to fashion.
	It's an American thing.
	You'll notice punk rock was very elaborate in London, England.
	And then it comes here and they go, fuck it, I'm just going to shave my head and wear a t-shirt and jeans.
	It's an American thing.
	We're very utilitarian here.
	And it frustrates me.
	Because you think you're young, you're perfect.
	Peacock!
	It's like people who think Halloween is gay.
	Oh, we're at a party.
	It's the 31st.
	Just, just participate.
	Fashion isn't important.
	It's not like knowing about politics or voting or, or, or caring about the second amendment, free speech, obviously it's a game, but everyone shows up and they're all playing some board game and you're like, no, thanks.
	It's gay.
	All right.
	Well, we'll, we'll, we'll be playing over here.
	Dick weed.
	You go pout in the corner.
	Oh, skip a turn.
	Next.
	Okay.
	What are you doing that for?
	We're not doing any more news stories.
	We're totally okay.
	Oh, we got Thomas about the right wing.
	Yeah.
	Hey there, Gav.
	How are you, sir?
	I'm good.
	How are you doing?
	Very well.
	So, a while back, maybe about a month ago at this point, I heard you and Milo on your show talk about various gossip about right-wing e-celebs such as Lauren Southern.
	And Milo made kind of an offhand comment about Ben Shapiro fucking Cassie Dillon, I guess one of his interns or something like that.
	Uh, and nobody questioned him or asked him to elaborate about that at all.
	Do you know anything about that?
	And if not, can we get a little bit of, uh, right-wing, east-celeb gossip, please?
	Thank you, sir.
	Uh, I don't know.
	I don't know if he fucked his intern.
	He's married.
	He probably shouldn't.
	I know absolutely nothing about that, but I had Alex Jones' son, Rex, asking me about, uh, Shapiro.
	He was sort of researching bad shit about him.
	I don't like that punching left thing.
	I've never attacked Crowder or Shapiro, even though Shapiro's had some digs at me, but the whole like Cernovich, Posobiec, Milo team versus Crowder, Shapiro team, I don't, I just want less government.
	I don't get on that.
	So I don't have any juicy gossip on that.
	But if we are gossiping, let's save it for the other side.
	If we have news of an affair or some illicit, what's it called?
	Grand larceny?
	Shut your mouth.
	Now, obviously, if someone's totally immoral and evil and a spy or something like that, or, you know, was raping and molesting people, then they're out.
	Or is secretly a Nazi or something, they're out.
	But otherwise, I don't know.
	That doesn't interest me.
	Do you have any right-wing gossip?
	No.
	Sorry, caller.
	Can't help you there.
	I can help you, though, with your erections, and that is using Blue Chew.
	Blue Chew Is about good sex.
	Go to bluechew.com, use the promo code GAVIN to try it for free.
	You just pay the shipping.
	Now this is an emergency penis alarm, where if you're having any trouble getting it up, then you're not having any trouble getting up.
	Why would you not have that in your wallet?
	No one's saying you have to have a year-long subscription and be constantly buying this shit, but why not when it's just, what is it, $5 for shipping?
	Yeah, $5 for shipping You used the promo code Gavin.
	How many stupid things have you wasted $5 on?
	You get this, it's in your wallet, you meet Mrs. Wright, it's a great night, you may have imbibed too much, whatever mistake you've made is none of my business that got you to this unfortunate predicament, but you ever have a feeling with your dick, and you don't get this when you're married because you're too comfortable, it's like beating off, it's just, there's no thought that goes into it.
	But in your single days, you get too much in your head and you're like, OK, dude, let's do this.
	And your dick is just like, actually, I'm out of here.
	And it doesn't just not work.
	Like if your finger was not to work and it hurt to go like that, it's not there.
	And the best analogy I could use is, it's sort of like if you were to take black ink and just squeeze a drop into water and it just goes, pachaaa!
	And you see it's sort of smoky at first and then it just, the water becomes grey.
	Your dick is kind of smoky at first and then your dick's gone!
	It's totally gone!
	You feel like you could just take a hammer and go, cock cock cock cock!
	That was a good sound effect.
	Um, and you're so mad at it, too, because this has been your right-hand man your whole life, and then at the most important time, it's just like, he turns into Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, and he's like, I'm gonna go.
	See you later, Winnie.
	Do-do-do-do-do-do.
	And he just walks out the door.
	Well, this bluechew.com lassoes Eeyore, yanks him back into the room, and turns him into a bucking bronco!
	A wild stallion who cannot be tamed!
	Also, older men, it's nice having a piece of wood down there once in a while to remind you of what life was like when you were 14, because you'd be surprised how much you forgot about what it's like.
	49-year-old erections are very reasonable.
	They're like a Toyota Corolla.
	Reliable, they get you to where you want to go, but no one's gasping at a Toyota Corolla.
	It's nuts.
	If you try to run over a coconut in a Toyota Corolla, the car just goes ba-dump, ba-dump, and the coconut is fine.
	It's not a coconut smasher.
	No.
	14-year-old dick is a Mack truck, and beware coconuts, because we've got some smashing about to go down.
	My eye's itchy and my youngest son had pink eye this morning, so I'm very uncomfortable.
	Can you hear this?
	Ew, yes.
	Is that good for that ASDR stuff?
	ASMR.
	ASMR?
	Uh, you want to speak to some of these cows?
	Yeah, let's take some cows!
	Russell talking about the Hodge twins.
	Okay.
	Hey.
	I've got one joke and four questions.
	Okay.
	Four questions is a no.
	That's an interview, dude.
	Yeah, I'm just kidding.
	That was a joke.
	Oh, good.
	So, I went to see the Hodge Twins.
	They came to Connecticut.
	It's a pretty blue state.
	And while I was watching the show, it was in a comedy club.
	The waitstaff, they were, like, openly...
	Yeah, I will.
	What's their claim to fame?
	They were athletes?
	by the Hodge twins.
	You should have the Hodge twins on your show, by the way.
	- Yeah, I will.
	What's their claim to fame?
	They were athletes?
	Were they athletes before they were doing the commentating?
	- They were Marines, and then they became like fitness gurus.
	- Oh, that's it.
	- They, I actually, I was in the Army, and I found out about them because a lot of people would watch their videos, so that's how I was introduced to them.
	But yeah, they were doing this thing for a while, so they have followers who are conservative.
	and they lost a lot of fans.
	But I think they deserve a spot in free speech TV.
	Yeah, but I can't get anyone who's not banned, because they just go, I'll stick with my YouTube money, thanks.
	So if they're monetized, I can't get them.
	But you know what's weird about the Hodge twins?
	We were listening to Nick Cave earlier and the elephant in the room is that his son jumped off a cliff when he was on acid.
	And you're constantly thinking about that when you hear him play.
	And with the Hodge twins, I'm constantly thinking about genetics and DNA and how they are exactly the same person.
	They have the exact same DNA.
	And to see two people do a sort of diamond and silk thing, for lack of a better analogy, where one guy says something and the other goes, uh-huh, that's right, and then the other one says something and they finish each other's sentences, it's such a trip that it sort of distracts me from the message, because I'm just so amazed to see twins make a point where it's almost like a two-headed man.
	Yeah.
	Thanks, Russell.
	But yeah, they're awesome, and I will get them on the show.
	They're kind of crowders, guys.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit.
	And I kind of avoided that at Blaze, because I don't want to step on other guests.
	But I guess now that we're not on the same network, I'll ask.
	We got Andrew.
	But it also brings up what I was talking about on the other show, where, do guests enrich the show?
	Definitely other shows in which the network, and if the Hodgetwins were to come on and do a regular segment, that would be fantastic for us.
	It would just be more content.
	And to be clear, by the way, when we add a show, I'm negotiating with Loomer right now, and now we have Milo and Soph.
	It doesn't slow down any of these shows.
	I'm going to start taking holidays off, so if it's an important day like Malcolm X Day, I'm going to take the day off, or obviously Build a Butcher Day.
	But adding Soph doesn't take down GOML.
	And the reason I took off that Monday was Labor Day, so chill the fuck out.
	We got Andrew, Southern California.
	Hey, I wanted to ask you, hypothetically, a music gay question.
	Good.
	In an alternate universe, if David Bowie and Elton John were straight, no glasses, no flamboyance, more like Springsteen, Would their music in the 70s be judged differently today?
	Would it be regarded more, do you think?
	Thank you for your call, sir.
	No.
	You're taking 2019 glasses, 2020 glasses basically, and you're looking at the past with modern SJW glasses.
	Gay wasn't a thing.
	If Liberace was on a talk show, they'd ask him if he has any ladies in the future, and he'd be like, I just haven't found the right one.
	We had Rip, what's his name?
	Rip Taylor.
	Taylor coming out with confetti and throwing it at people.
	We had Paul Lynn coming out with Kiss on the Christmas special saying, oh my god, look what the cat dragged in.
	We had a band called Queen.
	Where the singer was trying to bring opera to the masses, and he would prance around barefoot in tights, and people would go, this band is fucking awesome, dude.
	We had a band called Judas Priest, where the singer wore all leather, a leather hat, leather jacket, leather pants, and people went, this band rocks, and I hate fags!
	Free will burning!
	Breaking the law, breaking the law!
	Speaking of leather, we had the Village People, where there's another leather hound on there, covered in S&M gear, and they sang, we love going to the YMCA, cause there's tons of guys, you can meet young guys, you can touch their dicks, you can fondle their buns, it's fucking amazing time at the gay, gay, gay, gay, And everyone was going, that's awesome.
	I've never even heard of a homosexual.
	It's actually the G-A-Y-M-C-A, but they whisper the G-A.
	The G-A-Y-M-C-A, if you ever noticed that.
	Next time I'm having great sex with my wife, can you just walk into the room and say, so, what's really going on here is two people are in love.
	You guys have been together for 20 years and you're sharing.
	When's your anniversary?
	Um, so yeah, in retrospect, we find out that Mick Jagger was smoking David Bowie's hog, and I was just listening to Under Pressure, and at the gym, it came on, and I just thought, this is the gayest song.
	At one point in the song, they just go, love, love, love, love, love, love.
	Oh, can we give love one more chance?
	Oh, can we give love, give love, give love, give love?
	Can you possibly get gayer than that?
	And there'd be metalheads with long hair and leather jackets going, that song's fucking badass, dude.
	Look at him.
	Could he have made it more obvious?
	Look at glam.
	Glam is what threw us all off.
	With the New York dolls and all these guys with wigs on and wearing their girlfriend's clothes.
	Dee Schneider is glam, by the way.
	Early Twist's sister was glam.
	And he would just borrow his girlfriend's clothes.
	He'd wear her tops and stuff.
	Rip them to shreds because he's a fucking giant.
	So no, there was no pro-gay bias in early rock because no one knew what gay was.
	It was like... It's a weird thing that happens at night in the park where men get arrested for diddling each other.
	That's what homosexuality was my entire life up until 1990.
	Stop looking at your email, Wiener Roast.
	Just making sure somebody didn't send something.
	Okay, we gotta power through these calls.
	It's time to go.
	Alex with Italian swear words.
	Okay.
	What's up, guys?
	The most offensive thing that all my Italian friends say is Porco Dio, which I guess means Jesus is a pig.
	So if you want to turn your Nona's hair white, next time you stub your toe, just say Porco Dio and watch her fucking burst into flames.
	Do you know what Fugazi means?
	You know the band Fugazi?
	I think it's based on Fugaz.
	Is that like a fag?
	Uh, I'm not really sure about that.
	I don't speak Italian.
	I just happen to have Italian friends that are, like, second generation, so they know all that shit.
	Okay, thanks, buddy.
	Porco Dio.
	Next call, let's power through these like a goddamn 14-year-old's boner.
	Alright.
	14-year-old boner on the line.
	Florida, big toe heels.
	Oh, yes.
	I live in South Florida, and so I wear flip-flops.
	I don't know how you feel about flip-flops, but I have good feet.
	That's on the news last week.
	There's this trend going on with closed-toe heels, but they leave the big toe out.
	And it's just the worst thing I've seen in a while.
	Yeah, you cannot wear flip-flops anywhere.
	I don't care if it's a billion degrees outside.
	I don't wear flip-flops to the beach.
	I wear normal shoes like Chuck Taylor's to my thing.
	Holy crap!
	Collar, I'm, my mind is officially blown.
	I was not aware of this trend.
	I am, this is, I'm speechless.
	And then the opposite I think I may have seen.
	I feel sick.
	Look how big that black woman's feet are.
	These are the stupidest things I've ever seen.
	What a nightmare.
	One big toe?
	What are you doing?
	That doofy toe.
	That made me have a burp barf.
	Barf burp.
	Whoa.
	What an idiotic horrible thing.
	I can't believe I hadn't heard of this.
	Big toe high heels.
	You know what I really hate too?
	I like a sense of logic in fashion.
	Oh Jesus.
	God what is going that's a on a site called foot tease they like that.
	I don't think those foot fetish guys like Something wrong with that one.
	Oh, I'm so glad we're in the fall soon And we're not gonna see men's toes in New York anymore especially in the suburbs where I live They all reckon themselves sailors, and they always got their Crocs or their flippies on um I hate open-toed boots You know, like women have been wearing these ankle booties, but sometimes they'll have the heel and the toes open and you go, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	I know we're not in the wild west anymore, but the origin of boots is like, so snakes can't bite your heel.
	That's the cowboy boots.
	It's, it's about guarding yourself, you know, riding boots and all that stuff.
	It's about guarding your foot and your leg from, from mud and predators and stuff.
	And then you're just sticking your toes out of your boot.
	You look so idiotic.
	Oh, those are the worst.
	Sigh high boots with toes showing.
	What are you doing?
	What are you doing?
	Get those out of here.
	Thank you, caller, for blowing my mind.
	I didn't know I could hate anything more than men wearing flip-flops.
	Especially with a suit.
	In New York in July, they'll wear a suit with flip-flops.
	I just want to hit him with a hammer.
	Hit him with the hein!
	Israel, lesbians, and gays.
	You're on the line.
	Boys, Kiwi in London, giving you guys a call.
	Come to you guys, trickle through Peterson, start listening to Shapiro podcast, and then the algorithm said, here's Gavin.
	And I said, all right, I'll have a listen.
	And that's how I've sort of found you.
	So AI might actually be on your guys' team.
	Okay.
	Don't care.
	Next.
	I just wanted to ask about, if you've got lesbians and they like other women, how come they're always so masculine?
	And then how come if gays like other men, they're always really feminine?
	What is it that they actually like?
	Just want to get your thoughts on that.
	Yeah, that's really confusing me, but the thing is they don't go full male.
	You know, when you look at a lesbian, they look like Justin Bieber in the 90s, kind of like a wigger teen with their underwear showing and stuff.
	And I think it's like a masculine thing, but you're right.
	You're right.
	The whole idea with the... It gets more intense this year, you know?
	With women cutting their tits off, growing a mustache.
	It would be like my wife cutting her tits off and growing a mustache.
	Like, that's not what I'm attracted to.
	I'm attracted to female characteristics.
	That's why I even think women working out and getting six-packs is gross.
	So, I don't know.
	I think they're doing it just to shock you.
	I get the lipstick lesbians, like Ellen.
	Ellen's wife.
	Looks like a sexy woman.
	It's the chick from Arrested Development.
	Got ya!
	But you're right.
	It's a totally confusing thing.
	The thing, I think lesbians and gays are different though.
	Because lesbians, they'll wear like a flannel shirt and jeans, but at Thanksgiving they super do up their face and they have mascara on and stuff.
	They still have a feminine face.
	And at the end of the day, they still have boobs and a vagina.
	You're still going down in a vagina.
	And with men, yes, they're kind of gay and fae and stuff, but they still have dicks.
	And the dicks are getting sucked.
	And the gays still have bears.
	And they're very popular, these fat, hairy men.
	And the lesbians still have the lipstick lesbians.
	But the problem with trans is where that stuff just gets thrown out the window.
	And you're with a woman.
	You both have your boobs.
	You're scissoring, doing your 69ing.
	You're looking at a chick the same way I look at a chick.
	And then the next thing you know, she gets a crew cut, a mustache, and chops her tits off.
	That must be a bummer.
	We should get a lesbian on the show.
	Instead of me discussing this conundrum, we should get a... We should get some... I was gonna say a rice ball.
	We should get a fur... That's inaccurate.
	We should get a furball on the show.
	Yes, we should.
	Now on lesbians are called furballs.
	That's awesome.
	New York wondering if... what the next speeches are with Gavin.
	Gavin and Ryan, the new Batman and retard.
	That's hilarious.
	What's going on, guys?
	Nothing.
	Hey, dude.
	Quick thing, Ryan.
	First of all, when you do your next show, I heard you probably got picked up.
	You gotta stay on topic, bro.
	I mean, you literally went on a 15-minute tandem just playing your favorite songs.
	Yeah.
	He did?
	I didn't even hear the whole thing.
	Yeah.
	For like 15 minutes, he was just like, I like this song, and started playing another song.
	It was like, I was driving to work and I'm like, what am I listening to right now?
	And I had to turn it off, and I love Ryan.
	But it was terrible.
	Dude, you're an employee.
	When you're reading the letters, you're reading the letters.
	You can't do my brilliant tangent thing.
	I have a massive IQ.
	Sure, but it had to do with a letter.
	You played your favorite songs for 15 minutes?
	I suppose so.
	Okay, let me just make something clear.
	Pilot canceled.
	From now on, you have a 30 second maximum.
	That's the maximum that you can respond to a letter for.
	It's not the Ryan Show.
	You work at the Mailbag.
	It's the Mailbag Show.
	Alright, that's fair enough.
	I think I could rebrand.
	No, no, no.
	Stop talking.
	I got an idea.
	What is it?
	It's good.
	What is it?
	I'll show you.
	It's cool.
	I'll show you.
	It's pretty cool.
	The next one's gonna be way better.
	It's like Milo.
	Pilots are always stinkers.
	It's true.
	Alright, we gotta wrap it up soon.
	Uh, Kristen.
	Chris-tin.
	Yes.
	Chris-tin.
	Yeah, hello?
	Oh.
	Hi Kristen, you sound hot.
	Thanks.
	I was just wondering, I saw the episode, wait let me just turn this video off.
	Alright, so I saw the episode where you film a video with Alexander Wang and all these like super famous people.
	Do you ever regret like leaving mainstream entertainment to do this whole like right-wing influencer persona?
	I really do.
	I mean, I really miss Alexander Wang and that Simon dude who's married to Jonathan Adler who does all the buying for Barclays, no, Burberry or something.
	I really miss, of course, Natasha Lyonne.
	She was in that commercial.
	I miss hobnobbing with the stars.
	You know, there's a certain energy when you're around David Cross and John Glaser and all of these super celebs.
	Not only are you hanging with a friend, But you also have this incredible status.
	Like when I was at Jennifer Aniston's house with Justin Theroux, I'm not just at a friend's house, I'm at a celebrity's house.
	And I can tell people.
	Maybe I'll be photographed with them.
	And I'll be in the back going, oh no, I'm with Justin Theroux.
	Don't look, paparazzi.
	And the next thing you know, You're in People Magazine or the National Enquirer and you think, this is it.
	This is really where I want to be.
	Hobnobbing with Alexander Wang, a quiet gay Asian fashion designer with not a lot to say, but an incredible gift.
	When it comes to making women's shoes.
	So if there's one thing I regret, it's being honest about my beliefs, being crass and controversial and edgy.
	Because if I had just shut my mouth and never said what I feel and let it build up like a cancer inside me and constantly kiss the ass of all the celebrities and the famous people around me, then I could still be hanging out at the Chateau Marmont with famous people.
	And that's really where the fun is at, is being around people who are in magazines.
	Both literally in the field of magazines, which I was, and then also having their faces in magazines.
	Fame is what it's about.
	Famous people is what it's about.
	Hobnobbing is what it's about.
	So now my life is just a horrible, depressing pit of FOMO, where I just look through celebrity magazines at my ex-friends and just They're drenched by the end.
	My wife will see a celebrity magazine in the kitchen.
	She'll go, did you drop that in the bath?
	And I'll say, no.
	Those are my tears.
	Dang.
	All right.
	How we doing for calls?
	How's clown world?
	Is there a ton left?
	Because I want to... There's not a ton.
	There's... We got to wrap it up.
	We're looking at five.
	All right.
	Let's do five more super short.
	Hang up on them fast.
	All right.
	Um, calling about another free speech tour.
	I don't know what that means, really.
	Hello?
	Free speech tour?
	Hey, Gavin, this is Dan.
	Hey, man.
	Yeah, real quick.
	I saw you guys in July when you were in Washington, D.C.
	I'm considering doing another free speech tour.
	Just, I think from a cultural perspective, you're making a dent, and I think it's really important.
	Alright, thanks caller.
	That's interesting.
	I mean I got 350,000 subscribers on YouTube, so I do a video there, and it just fans out.
	I got, we're up to 12,900 here at Free Speech.
	That, they tell their friends about it, whatever.
	20,000 on Parler.
	That's thousands and thousands of people.
	If I do a tour in New York, you saw what happened last time I did a talk in New York.
	Two men are facing 15 years in prison.
	Unless someone is offering me insane money and crazy security like they are in Australia, it's just, no.
	I'm not doing it anymore.
	It's not worth it.
	I did the free speech thing in DC because we were just launching the site and I wanted to promote it.
	No, I'm not doing, unless I get a crazy offer, I'm not doing a tour in New York.
	I mean, sorry, in America, it's way more headache than it's worth, but Australia, believe it or not, is slowly trudging forward, going through the paperwork.
	It's a real struggle.
	I'm trying to get Alex Jones to call the promoters back, and if you bought tickets in Australia, they haven't been refunded because the tour is not over.
	We are still doing the Australia tour, and that will be fun.
	Next call.
	Okay, we got Dionne.
	I think that's Dionne?
	Dionne.
	Oh, hello.
	Hey, Dionne.
	Hello.
	Hi.
	Hey, Gavin.
	I'm calling to thank you.
	I was one of those women sitting in the boardroom, just turned 35, and I heard one of your talks talking about when you're 35, your ovaries dried up.
	And I had been spending two years trying to get pregnant and continually working, and after I heard you say that, I spent two days not sleeping, and I told my husband, that's it, I'm quitting.
	We quit our jobs, we moved to the country, and now we have two boys.
	I mean, what is more consequential than that?
	Like, if someone called and said, hey man, I heard that you hate flip-flops, so I got shoes.
	Alright, that's nice.
	You have two boys.
	They will then have kids.
	Those kids will have kids.
	Like, the impact there is immeasurable.
	It could be millions of people.
	Well, that's kind of what I wanted to ask you.
	How many people do you think that you've affected?
	How many children and how many women do you think you've saved?
	And you can add me and two more boys on the list.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I hope it's thousands because I have dozens and dozens of people who have been fired for being associated with Proud Boys.
	I've got a guy at Rikers right now.
	We've got two guys looking at 15 years.
	So I hope that the cons outweigh the pros and you people outweigh the prisoners and the fired and the de-platformed.
	But you said your husband quit his job.
	Does he have a job now?
	She's off the line.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	You hung up on her?
	Yes.
	I'm supposed to say thanks, caller.
	That's the best call we've ever had.
	You never say thanks, caller.
	That's the most important call we've ever had.
	So I assume he has a job.
	Maybe he works remotely.
	That's fantastic.
	And she's got two boys.
	Here's another thing.
	If you're still listening, ma'am, you got to have some more.
	I know you're probably in your early 40s by now, but, um, Folks trying to have a kid, here's the two most important things you need to do.
	One, stop watching porn.
	Stop beating off.
	Save your guys for where they matter.
	And two, don't do the rhythm chart with the, oh it's Thursday, she's ovulating.
	Ignore that chart.
	It ruins everything.
	If you don't beat off, you will ravage her all the time, and you guys will just develop this vocabulary of regular sex.
	You gotta get up to three times a week minimum, and not wanking will do that.
	If she's menstruating or she's not in the mood, then just jerk off within a yard of her with her consent and she can tickle your balls or something.
	But you gotta just get your sexual proclivity up.
	And I don't think charts do that.
	I do think porn kills that.
	Quitting porn makes babies.
	Now we got Max about his Japanese girlfriend.
	Max, Japanese girlfriend?
	Who wrote?
	Yeah, actually it's on that exact same topic, like, weirdly enough.
	So I'm 28, and my girlfriend, she's 38.
	We've been together for about 10 months.
	And I don't want to go into it, we don't have time, but basically it's like a perfect match for me.
	But I do want to have kids one day, settle down.
	And she's totally giving signals that she kind of wants that too in life.
	But being 38, almost being 40, I'm really not sure what to do.
	I'm hoping to get some insight from Gav.
	Dump her ass.
	You don't need an old bag like that.
	You're not gonna be able to have any kids of any consequence.
	You might squeeze one out.
	Get rid of her.
	Go to Japan.
	There's a whole fucking island full of them.
	You can get someone that's 20.
	You could even wait till you're 35 and then have your pick of a bunch of 25 year olds.
	Now she's got a good 10 years of breeding in her.
	You can have a whole clan.
	Here's my advice, sir.
	Dump that old hag.
	You are wasting your time, and definitely do not marry her or impregnate her.
	Guys, stop dating these old ladies!
	Next caller, please.
	Alright, South Carolina.
	Jesus Christ, 38?
	This is from Maggie from South Carolina.
	Hey.
	Hey, Maggie.
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Hi, I'm so very sorry, I will make this short and sweet.
	It's already sweet.
	Gavin, have you spoken, or either one of you, have you guys heard about the rumors about the possible credit score system that Trump is apparently floating?
	Yeah, I did hear about that, and when I heard about it, the picture that they used was him sitting next to his daughter, Ivanka Trump.
	What is this, a monarchy?
	Why is your daughter in the White House?
	And well, not only that, but I read a lot of comments and stuff, and there were a lot of people saying, oh, well, you know, a lot of people who just, like, think that you can do no wrong, they won't have any problem.
	And I'm like, my ass they won't have any problem.
	I would have a huge problem with that.
	Well, look at this!
	And so, yeah, I'm telling you, if they try to do that stuff, oh, that's going to hit the shank.
	Yeah, I think I might be done with Trump if they do something that stupid.
	Look at these no-fly lists!
	Oh, absolutely!
	No question, no question, I'm just saying.
	That's like one of the biggies.
	Yeah, I totally agree with you.
	Anyway, I'll let you guys carry on, but it's good talking to you.
	That would be his biggest mistake in a long-ass time if he did something that dumb.
	That's China!
	What, we're China now?
	Now we have these, that's a Black Mirror episode.
	Now we have social credit scores?
	And what I was trying to get in there is the no-fly list.
	Say your name is Oseema Boonludhon.
	You're going to be on that list.
	There's a million typos on that no-fly list.
	It's a really inefficiently accrued list because The government is incompetent.
	So I can't imagine the shit that they would do.
	Look at what I was talking about earlier with Google.
	With what was it?
	17,000 channels shut down?
	What was it?
	500 million comments?
	They're gonna go to the SPLC.
	They're gonna go to the ADL.
	They're gonna go to the ACLU for these lists on who we should ban.
	And you know Conservatives are gonna get screwed.
	We already have airlines saying that they will not take flights from ICE if they're transporting illegal immigrants.
	Remember there was that woman on the plane who said, I command that this plane be stopped.
	I am Swedish and this is a man who is being deported.
	It's a violation of his rights and I will stand here and talk like Bjork.
	Meanwhile, the guy had raped a kid.
	Oops.
	Nice heroic move, lady.
	So that is going to be, that's going to be Trump acquiescing into the exact same culture that is working its ass off to have him Erased.
	To have him lose 20-20.
	Him going with that stupid... I'm hoping that he's just doing it as a like...
	Yeah, that's a great idea.
	Like in Adaptation, when the twin brother says, I'm doing this movie where three guys are the same guy, and the cop and the killer are the same guy.
	And at the end, they're chasing one on a horse and one on a motorbike.
	It's like horse versus motorbike.
	And Charlie Kaufman goes, that's a great idea.
	So we're praying that he's just sitting there going, yeah, background checks.
	So that he can say, I heard them out.
	If he's not, as Alex Jones says, we will drag him out of there by his heels.
	All right.
	Wrap it up.
	Last caller.
	Last call.
	We got Derek.
	What's up, Derek?
	What's up, Derek?
	Hey.
	That last caller they called about cattle tailing on Ryan pissed me off.
	That was probably the gayest thing I've heard on here, and Gavin, you shouldn't take these calls.
	Stand up for your guy.
	He's not that good at his job, but I was so irritated I called back to say that guy's a fag.
	Thanks, guys.
	Peace, fam.
	Alright, thanks for calling, buddy.
	To be fair, I don't think he was trying to throw me under the bus, though.
	I don't think that's tattletaling.
	Fifteen minutes?
	We're both providing a service, and I was at, I were in a restaurant, and then when I left one day, I said, Ryan, can you run the restaurant?
	And he served shit sandwiches.
	Is it tattletaling to say, dude, I went there, I don't want to eat a shit sandwich?
	Let's just say that was my Lenny Bruce moment, where I made it all about exonerating myself.
	Like, I would say if Ryan made a mistake, and it went silent for like 15 seconds, and then he came back on going, oh my god, I'm sorry guys, I hit mute on the mic, I did not know I did that, Jesus, that was... I would think that would be tattletailing if someone told me that.
	That's kinda lame.
	I don't actually think it was 15 minutes, to be fair.
	But 15 minutes?
	That's him fucking with my brand, my company, my restaurant.
	This was not 15 minutes.
	This is where it starts, Uh...
	Let me see.
	It's long.
	Okay, so let's say it starts at 15 minutes.
	It should end at 30.
	So at 30, it should still be there.
	No, I'm already way into it.
	So how long is it, Ryan?
	10 minutes.
	Oh, nice defense.
	Bring that up in a court of law.
	Your Honor, I didn't rape her for 15 minutes.
	I raped her for maybe 10 minutes.
	Well, it's not rape.
	Yes, it is rape.
	It's music.
	You raped our ears and eyes.
	No raping.
	To be fair, you didn't see it.
	You know what?
	This second show is a second pilot.
	I just decided.
	You're reading the headlines.
	It's that there's a second pilot.
	We're allowing Ryan to do a second pilot.
	It is not, no longer an okayed show.
	Okay.
	You may have noticed I'm drinking Cavefe, which is the house coffee here at whatever this show is called, Get Off My Lawn.
	We drink it every day.
	Every time you hear the show, you're hearing the larynx of a stimulated covfefe drinker.
	You can tell why I had to wrap up the calls.
	I'm starting to fumble up my own words.
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	And that's great too for one night stands.
	This girl comes over and I find liberals are very turned on by MAGA guys, especially in cities like New York.
	Like you'll get you'll get bottled in the face if you wear a MAGA hat.
	But if a girl at a bar finds out you're pro-Trump, she will take you home.
	Women have Trump fantasies.
	They want to be ravaged by someone they hear is the devil.
	Who does a woman want to have sex with?
	Teddy Ruxpin or Satan?
	Teddy's too soft.
	She wants a hard Satan.
	And so if she comes over and she sees MAGA by the coffee, she goes, Oh Mike, you are incorrigible.
	Your coffee is Trump?
	Oh, I don't, I do not.
	This is not going to allow you are like yeesh.
	And then of course the next morning or sorry, late the next night.
	I'm at Max Fish.
	Are you around?
	Uh, kind of busy.
	Reject her the first time.
	Make sure guys, and this goes for girls too, both sides, make sure when you're courting that your green is less than his gray.
	So if, if someone is courting someone, make sure that you text her once for every twice she texts you.
	Sometimes I'll be talking to some chick who's talking to a guy like this bartender I was talking to.
	I'm trying to get her set up with a guy.
	She's a single mom.
	And she goes, well, I was going to go to this bar, but I asked him permission.
	I go, ask him permission?
	You're the one he has to chase.
	Let me see your fucking phone.
	And she showed me her text and I just saw green, gray, gray, green, gray, gray.
	I go, this color scheme is all wrong.
	Looks like barf.
	You should be the one going, I guess so, yeah maybe.
	Not like, I'm gonna go to the bar, you okay with that?
	Because it's kind of your bar.
	Anyway, Cavefe is the official coffee of Get Off My Lawn, the official coffee of Free Speech TV.
	And that, folks, is our show!
	We both, Ryan and I, like you more than a friend.
	We look forward to Ryan's, not first episode, but second pilot.
	Where I promise you, you will not be subjected to more than, say, 30 seconds of a response.
	And if it's a tough one, he'll hand it over to me.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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