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July 1, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
32:19
S02E29 - WITHNAIL & I
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Time Text
That's Jimi Hendrix, all along the Watchtower.
I chose that song because this episode is dedicated to Withnail and I. The next four episodes are the holiday episodes.
They're pre-tapes because I'm on vacation, hence the shirt.
And I'm just going to go through a movie every episode, okay?
And this, it's my four favorite movies, and this movie is Withnail and I. Are you sure you're recording, sir?
Everything's on.
The mics are on.
Recording.
We still don't have Ryan back.
I'm still mad at him.
He's still fired.
What happened now?
So yeah, he was going out with this crazy, I won't call her a B-word because I'm sure he has legal troubles, but they would have crazy fights.
And he'd have to call the police because she threatened to kill herself twice.
And they'd get fights and the neighbors would call the cops, the hotels would call the cops, people would call the cops.
And he went to jail because that's how it works in this country.
It's funny, too, because as a man with a daughter, I'm like, good.
If anyone gets called, throw them in jail because I want women to be protected in society.
But it's possible that some ladies may take advantage of that culture.
Anyway, I bailed him out the first time, $1,000.
I didn't bail him out the second time, his grandparents did, I believe.
And he got out of jail and I said, I told you to stay away from her.
You had a restraining order.
You kept going back for more.
What the fuck are you doing, you fucking idiot?
And he was like, then he decided to get like go on the offensive with me and go, well, you're addicted to alcohol.
And alcohol doesn't text you all the time and say, come over, I miss you.
I love you.
I'm going to kill myself if you don't come over.
Like, what?
What are we talking about?
And he goes, you know, you could get taken away if you drive drunk and you got kids.
You get deported.
And I'm like, I am a pretty heavy drinker.
All Scottish people are.
But this is not really the time when I'm doing.
And I told you so because exactly what I said would happen happened several times.
So fuck you.
You're fired.
And I already, this is after I'd already done a show at a different studio because he wasn't able to do his job.
I mean, if McDonald's, you don't show up.
You don't do your job.
Anyway, I know you guys miss Ryan.
That's life.
Tell him not to get addicted to crazy girls.
That's really what's happening here.
I'm getting kind of an echo because I can hear myself.
Can you close that door?
That'll be much more convenient.
Anyway, the next four episodes are short episodes.
They're dedicated to movies.
And they'll only be like half an hour.
And then we'll be back, you know, the Monday after July 4th.
You shouldn't be sitting at home watching my show anyway on July 4th.
No caller ID.
Let's see who this is.
Hello?
Hi, honey.
It's dad.
Hey, Dad, how you doing?
Everything is wonderful.
I'm delighted to get through to you, Pedo.
Well, you're such a cheap ass that you use this dumb free software and you always come in as no caller ID.
So I don't know.
We're calling you on Google Hangouts.
Yeah, that's what cheap people do.
And it's impossible for me to see your fucking number.
Well, honey, we're just cheap.
Sorry about that.
Well, it's hurting your relationship with your family.
Well, honey, the member, the less I spend, the more you get.
Oh, then by all means, continue to use Google Hangouts.
It sounds like a good idea.
When are you going to go, by the way?
Aren't you like 89?
I mean, no way.
I always get confused with when you get to my age, you get confused with numbers.
And what I never understood, what is it called when you get numbers backwards?
Dyslexia, I guess?
Dyslexia.
And people always went on to me about how sexy, how sexy a 69 was.
Well, let me tell you, after trying 96 for God knows how long, I thought, this is overrated.
What, you had mom lying on your back?
Let me tell you, a 96 does not work.
You mean it's 96?
If you two are still around at 96, I think I may have to leave the car, the garage door closed while you pull into the driveway so you get a nice dose of carbon monoxide.
Listen, don't die, just do not discarbon monoxide.
That is seemingly what we're trying to do with carbon dioxide in getting rid of carbon dioxide and breaking it down into carbon monoxide.
Because once you have carbon dioxide, you end up with two parts carbon monoxide, which is much more healthy.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Let's have more carbon monoxide in the atmosphere.
Dad, I'm recording my holiday shows because I'm going away for a vacation on Monday.
So you're actually on my show right now.
I'm on your show.
Yeah, I put you on speakerphone and we're recording an episode.
Oh, my God.
So I've got you there talking about 69ing my mother on, you know, the internet.
That's wonderful.
Thank you, honey.
I'll call you when I'm done.
I'll be done in about an hour or two.
Okay, honey.
Wait, I heard a cough.
Is that a sign that you're on your way out?
Let me tell you, you know, the fucking will.
Okay, well, then why talk?
The will.
How much is I'm rich?
What's he going to give me?
Like 300 grand?
Fuck you.
I spend that on cocaine every weekend.
Yeah, that was my folks.
So yeah, we'll see what happens with Ryan.
It's not looking very good, is it?
He's out of jail, though.
And he's going to have to trial.
I mean, I don't think the trial is going to mean anything.
She's probably not going to show up.
I probably shouldn't be discussing any of this anyway.
But, you know, it makes me wonder when you see a prison.
And we had Michelle Malkin and Michael Eric Dyson on the show, and we were talking about incarceration.
And when you're naive and you don't know people, then you go, well, jail.
It's for murderers, right?
It's where murderers go.
In fact, Dr. Dyson was talking about that with his own brother.
His brother was accused of murder.
And his first attitude was, well, fuck you, my brother.
You're a crack dealer, a pot dealer.
You probably did murder the guy.
You're in jail.
And then he starts looking into it and sees that the only evidence was the dying man slowly mumbled Dyson's brother's name.
30 years in prison.
I got to stop using that gesture or they're going to fucking freeze it as Ezeki Kyle.
Did you see Kyle, my brother?
My brother's name is Kyle.
And then you start realizing all of these people are in jail for what?
I told you I talked to a corrections officer once and I said, how many guys are here?
Because some couple had a fight.
She charged him.
He had a restraining order.
She seduced him again.
He started living there.
And then they got in another fight and it was a violation of the restraining order.
And he goes, I don't know about that particular case, but about a third of the people are here for domestics.
I don't think Ryan, by the way, was charged with domestic.
I think it was just causing a disturbance at a hotel or something.
Anyway, we'll see.
I told you so!
And by the way, while we're on the subject, Anthony Kumia, I told him so.
We all told him that that woman was trouble.
But no, or Artie Lang with the Coke and the smack.
Everyone said, stop, stop, stop.
Ends up in prison.
God gives you two fuck-ups.
Remember when I went to the train yards, allegedly?
He gave me two trains to look through.
And then he said, all right, you're done here.
Your phone isn't here.
By the way, Grand Central found it.
Incidentally, I'm very impressed that New York City you can lose something and lost and found in Grand Central.
I went there a few days ago and they had this bucket of phones from June.
It was June phones, it said on the bucket, and it was probably 50 phones.
They found mine.
I'm blown away.
Maybe there's still traces of Mayberry in New York City.
But fuck, did I forget what I was talking about?
Prison and phones and prison and phones and shit.
Ryan's a fuck up with a stupid girlfriend.
Don't call her stupid because that's going to make the case worse.
The case is ongoing.
Are they going to use this?
I don't fucking know.
But yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
With Artie, he was doing drugs.
He kept going.
And oh yeah, the Lord gave me two trains.
And then he said, all right, dude, your phone isn't here.
Let's go.
God says, dude, he's cool.
And then I said, no, God, I'm going to do one more train.
And he goes, all right, well, I'm getting you caught and it's going to fuck up your day because you're an asshole.
I know I'm contradicting myself because I'm implying that people are in jail because they fucked up and they just kept pushing it and pushing it and pushing it.
Sort of.
But do you belong in jail for a year because you kept going back to a, I'm not going to say crazy bitch, but a very dramatic person who has mental issues?
I don't think so.
You know, I've talked to so many prisoners.
I mentioned this on the last free speech episode with Michelle Malkin and Dyson.
And I say to the prisoners, I go, how many people do you think here are incompatible with society?
And they always say 5%.
Even murderers.
Murderers tend not to be serial murderers.
They tend to do one murder and it's in the heat of passion.
It's usually related to jealousy and someone's fucking your wife.
You know, the penitentiary that started the word pen, it comes from penance, right?
It's in Pennsylvania.
And I went there and back then they did it right.
Even murder, you'd get like five years.
And you would just sit in a room and read the Bible and you'd have a little area you could walk out and it was very civil and it was about penance and religion and it worked and they stopped doing that and now we just throw people in cages and they get mired in this tar of bureaucracy where they could be waiting a year at Rikers.
Anyway, this is all covered in my free speech episode with Dr. Michael Eric Tyson and Michelle Monken.
I sat with Michelle and had a beer after the show.
That woman is so fascinating, it's disturbing.
She's a genius.
And it's one thing to be smart, but to be smart and interesting is rare.
Like Peter Brimelow is seen as this evil villain because he's anti-immigration.
But, you know, he did that article where he defended smoking and said it's good for you.
I don't know if that's true or not, but at least it's interesting.
It's new.
And Michelle was talking to me about pain management and how some of these parents with these children who are suffering from chronic pain, they subsume their pain and it becomes their identity, like the people with trans kids.
And it becomes sort of a Munchausen syndrome where the parents enable these kids to whine.
And look, if you have chronic pain, you have chronic pain.
But a big part of surviving chronic pain is bucking up and just taking it, becoming Walt Kowalski and Gran Torino.
I had never thought of that before.
It's the opposite of boring.
And that's why I get mad at people who call in and have a big long intro.
I have limited time here, like my dad.
I'm dying.
So I want you to say things I've never thought of before.
And that's what's great about experiencing different cultures.
And when I say different cultures, I mean like cops, different Western cultures, talking to different people, meeting people who have been to prison.
You know, you gain more empathy, you gain more humanity the more people you meet.
And talking to Dr. Michael Eric Tyson, Dyson, I don't know, he said he'd been on a ride along, but I'm dubious.
Because when you ride along with a cop, you go, oh, this is what it's like.
Or even when we did a commercial once with Rooster, it was called How to Survive in Prison, and we were in an abandoned prison in the Bronx.
I mean, they had kiboshed it and moved to a nicer one, but they still kept it open for commercial shoots and stuff.
And just when you're in that cell and the doors go gong, that gun, knowing you can't leave, it's up to someone else when you leave, it strikes you deep in your spine.
I mean, I'm an ex-con.
I was in prison for four hours.
And even those four hours, when the door went gong, and I was in a cool part of the jail where I could hang out with the detectives, like in the show Barney Miller, I could have my hands leaning out and I was riffing with them.
We were talking.
It was awesome.
They didn't put me down with the animals because they knew I beat up a guy who beat up a woman.
So they're like, he's one of the good criminals.
And even then, even in that ideal environment, the gong, it's primal.
It makes you feel weird.
Anyway, Jimi Hendrix, All Long the Watchtower.
That's for this particular episode is going to be with Nail and I. Did I explain this already?
We've had some technical difficulties, so I don't know if I'm repeating myself.
But the next four episodes, because I'm away for July 4th, will be dedicated to my favorite films, my four favorite films.
Today we're doing with Nail and I. But before we start, I wanted to tell a very important story about Jimi Hendrix.
One, I don't know why, but I have this incredible gift where I can do any Jimi Hendrix song perfectly with my bouche, with my mouth.
I can amuse you with my bouche.
For example, all along the Watchtower, which you just heard.
Well, why don't you play it?
Can you just play some of it?
We'll play it here on YouTube, and then I will do it with my mouth, and you'll see there's...
Watch this thing.
And by the way, I'm as freaked out as you are by this talent.
*Sings* Thank you.
Is that eerie?
And it's like having a birthmark on your face.
It's just something I was born with.
I don't understand it either.
And I can also talk exactly like him.
Listen, not necessarily a stone, but beautiful.
What's happening?
I'm not Gavin anymore.
I'm Jimi Hendrix.
Now, I was born shortly after he died, I believe.
And it's possible that he's entered my body.
He's come from behind and just sort of gone into me and filled me up with Jimmy.
Speaking of Jimmy, my second story about Jimi Hendrix, it's very important to tell.
I lived in Taiwan for about four months.
I was teaching English there.
I didn't have a lot going on, so I just absconded to the Orient.
And while I was there, I got all the white pussy I could handle.
All the other white guys who were there, and there was not a lot.
In the whole city of Taipei, there was maybe 100 at the most.
And actually, that sounds like a lot.
There was one white bar we'd go to, and it would be pretty empty.
Justin Thoreau, actually, I found out later, went to that same bar.
He designed signs for them.
He lived in Taipei, too.
That's a guy who wrote Tropic Thunder and married Jennifer Anison.
So the Asian women were not attracted to me because I'm hairy, and facial hair is not a thing in Asia.
They don't grow facial hair.
In fact, I used to teach a lot of kindergarten classes because the other guys there didn't like kids and I love kids.
So I would handle, I took that lion's share of those clients and I would teach at actual kindergarten schools.
And every time they draw me, they draw hairs all over my arms.
Like even having hairy arms is a big deal, and I don't really have hairy arms.
They draw my legs with hairs.
It was so hot you're wearing shorts all the time.
But anyway, I dated this Australian girl there.
Hello.
Yeah, what are you doing?
Yeah.
That accent is gross.
But she was cool.
Some blonde chick.
Birkenstocks, which was a huge turnoff.
But besides that, she was a cool hippie chick.
And we got along great.
We were, I guess, dating for a couple weeks.
Then she moved back.
She was staying in Seattle with some family.
And I went on a road trip with my buddies.
And Seattle included that.
We had a Dodge Dart with three on the floor.
You've heard of four on the floor and three in the tree?
We had a gear shift that had three gears on the floor.
You ever heard of that before?
Me neither.
It's like one, two, three gears.
So it was a manual with three gears.
Anyway, it was a cool car, and I was unfortunately cool.
And I guess you didn't know that in Taipei because I was a weirdo with my beard and I was like a kind of a loser, I guess.
All the jocks were cool there.
But back in the city, I'm cool now.
I have a black friend, which is very cool, as you know.
The only thing cooler than a black friend is an old black friend.
Like, say, you know, some 80-year-old black man who plays the blues with his old hands.
That's the ideal friend.
Also, a cooler friend would be maybe a deaf friend or a blind friend.
But I had a black friend, Derek Beckles.
He doesn't like me anymore, of course, who does.
And another cool friend, Mike Bannis.
And we were doing this road trip, and I had blue hair, and he had blonde dreads and whatever.
And when we showed up to her house, I know this sounds gay, but I think she was intimidated by how cool we were.
And we were just ready to rock.
That's the thing about us awesome cool people is we didn't we're over the fact that we're amazing.
We just want to hang out with you.
Tell us something interesting.
Become Michelle Malkin.
But she was acting really weird and uncomfortable.
Although it's just occurred to me now, what if she was just racist and she didn't like that we brought a black guy to her house?
No, I don't think so.
She was a hippie.
Anyway, we go to this bar in Seattle.
Let's go get wasted, as one does.
She's like, yeah, okay, I guess.
What?
And is this AC on, dude?
I'm cooking in here.
It's definitely on.
And there's in the bar, there's this bust.
It's a huge bust of Jimi Hendrix, because he's from Seattle, right?
And it's huge.
But then for some stupid reason, in the same plexiglass case, is the exact same bust, again, but tiny.
You got to put it on like maximum fan and not eco, but cool.
You young people don't understand extremism.
Everything has to be to the max in life.
There we go.
You guys are so subtle.
You youngsters.
So I'm just joking around with my friends.
She just got up to go pee, and I go, hey guys, guys.
Jimmy!
Jimmy!
Did you hear that?
The second Jimmy was very quiet because it was a little head.
Not the funniest joke in the world.
I'll concede that.
In fact, I only remember it because of this story.
So we're driving home back to her place after the bar.
She's been kind of quiet.
And then I'm looking over at her in the passenger seat and I go, are you okay?
Driving.
And she goes, I'm a little pissed off, actually.
And I go, what's the problem?
She goes, you know what the problem is.
I go, no, I have no fucking idea.
And she goes, I don't like being made fun of.
I don't like being ridiculed.
I don't like being trivialized.
What?
I didn't even think we were going to fuck because I was with two friends.
I didn't know she's staying at someone else's house.
So I'm solely here for your personality.
And it wasn't, I mean, we're on a road trip here.
I had to detour quite a bit to get to your stupid house.
And you've been a cunt all night.
I didn't say any of this.
But now there's a problem.
I go, what are you talking about, Jen?
Her name was Jen.
And she goes, when I got up to go pee, you right behind my beak, said, Jenny, Jenny.
That's what she overheard when I did my Jimmy Jimmy joke.
She heard Jenny Jenny.
And the irony is, from that moment forward, I did think Jenny.
I did think, fuck you.
You self-obsessed, paranoid bitch.
We never spoke again.
That was the end of Jen.
All thanks to Jimi Hendrix.
All right, so we talked about Ryan.
We talked about, God, I told him so many times, you are in danger, you dumbass.
And then I'd snoop, I'd see text.
Hey, where are you?
What are you doing, dude?
What are you doing?
But he just kept going back.
And he's an integral part of the show.
I know some people hate him, some people love him.
But he's not just an engineer.
He's a co-host.
So I'm not excited about this firing.
It's not advantageous to the brand.
And what the hell is he going to do now?
He always said if he got fired from this job, he'd join the Air Force.
What?
The Air Force?
Don't you have to be really good at math?
Don't you have to fly a plane to be in the Air Force?
It's not like the Army where they go, we'll take anyone.
We got to kill people.
The Air Force is flying machines.
I mean, now with his criminal record, I don't think any of them are going to take him.
Really?
Not even the Army, I don't think, yeah.
You can't be going to jail.
Just like, I'm signing up.
Yeah, that's the option they give you.
They say, it's either jail or join the Marines.
Sometimes they say that, or at least they did in my day.
I used to clean up at a barracks, an Army barracks near Montreal.
And a lot of those dudes in the Army were dudes who the judge said, you can either join the Army or go to jail.
Some of them seemed like Nazi skinheads.
But I had my hair dyed blonde, but it was like cone spikes, like GBH.
But I'm not going to do my hair all spiky to go pick up beer bottles at a barracks.
So I would just leave it like after the shower.
So I had like gorgeous blonde, like faggot hair.
Like I look like Farah Fawcett.
Bleached blonde.
I looked like a raging homosexual.
And all these guys have crew cuts, of course.
And as I'm picking up their beer, they would just always say, and they'd be drunk too.
They were allowed to drink on the barracks for some reason.
And they would just go, what the fuck is going on with your hair?
Do you have a mirror?
Look at yourself.
And they would offer me money to cut my hair.
I said, dudes, when I get it all set up, it looks tough.
Anyway, this episode is only half an hour.
This week it's all short episodes.
I didn't want to deny you the gav, like we've denied Jen all these years.
But I can't do a whole episode.
You're not getting hour episodes.
This is lean, mean, fight and machine holiday episodes.
How many minutes are we in now?
Do you know?
25.
Okay.
Shit, we're done.
Pretty much.
Do you want to watch a minute of the movie?
Wow.
Well, this is one of the, I think, it's not my favorite movie.
My favorite movie is Animal House, but this is in my top four.
It's Richard E. Grant and some other dude.
I think the guy who made this, he only did this and How to Get Ahead in Advertising, which is also a fucking masterpiece.
But because I blathered on so much, why don't you, actually, can you look up Star Wars with Nail and I?
Do you have the power to look up stuff?
I do, but would you say Star Wars?
Star Wars with Nail and I. So what they've done is they've taken parts of With Nail and I and dubbed it into Star Wars, and it might be a fun way to get you interested in this movie, which I'm at the point now where I'm jealous of people who haven't seen it because I've seen it So many times that I'm just watching, like, I'm just like putting on the Rolling Stones and listening to satisfaction.
It's just like a greatest hits kind of thing.
But yeah, the plot is two out-of-work actors in 1970 London who cannot get work and they have a rich uncle, Uncle Monty, and Monty loans them his summer cabin, which it turns out is a piece of shit because rich people, they like to be rustic in Britain.
Old money rich people in Britain, they have like a tiny stone cabin where you have to do everything yourself because they're not, you know, nouveau riche.
They don't have a Miami palace.
So it's about them suffering through that.
Pretty sure I got it if you want.
Life in London.
But I'm jumping ahead here, assuming you've seen the movie, which you haven't, to a Star Wars version of the film.
outside penriff Okay, too much.
Scroll ahead.
Oh, my boys, my boys.
Forgive me.
It wasn't considered to be an option television.
You have to know the movie to find this plan.
Garlic.
Rosemary and salt.
We're intercepted no justice.
This is a consular ship.
We're on a diplomatic mission.
There.
Now, garlic.
No, this is terrible.
I can never touch meat until it's cooked.
As a youth, I used to weep in horseshoes.
Stop, stop, stop.
That's terrible.
This is only for fans.
I shouldn't have forced you to endure that.
That's only wonderful to those who have seen it.
Free to those who can afford it.
But that was wonderful.
They were talking, of course, about Uncle Monty, who is a raging homosexual.
I left out that detail.
Who's hitting on the one that's not his kin when he goes to greet them at the cabin?
And he says, he doesn't like meat, and that's why he just said, as a boy, I used to weep in butcher shops.
Can you look up Uncle Monty?
Let's just have a sizzle reel.
Because he's really the best part of the whole film.
He was in Harry Potter, too.
I think he died.
Yeah, he died recently.
Fucking Richard E. Grant came to New York City recently and did a Q ⁇ A about Whitnail and I for fans, and I didn't know about it until it was over.
If I get a time machine, I'm not killing Hitler.
I'm going to that.
But the quotes from it, and my wife and I, we don't agree on politics and we can drift apart sometimes, but every time our marriage is not going perfectly, we watch that movie together and it just realigns us.
We get drunk and we watch the whole thing and just, you know, recite it as it's going.
And it reminds both of us how much we love each other and how much we have in common.
Another fun thing to do with your wife, by the way, is we lie on the carpet and we listen to records because we have the same taste in music.
Hooskerdew and, you know, old sort of 90s, 80s hardcore, the replacements, Minneapolis kind of Midwest stuff, Diekrutsen even.
She loves all that stuff.
And that again realigns us and we remember what we have in common.
It's very important to have date night with your wife.
I'm just blathering here hoping that you can find something.
I found a bunch of Uncle Monty clips, but there's only single clips, no like compilation.
Okay, fine.
I can't believe I thought I was going to watch this movie with you for half an hour and my verbal diarrhea drowned you all.
I've never had Michelob Ultra before.
It's very pleasant.
Oh, this is a classic case to do.
God fulfills himself in many ways.
And soon.
We shall be swept away by some tumor.
I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumor.
Just pause.
How about the writing in this film?
And soon, I suppose, I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumor.
I bought the screenplay because sometimes you just have to read that because Uncle Monty packs so much into every sentence.
And as he's saying this, I think Richard Grant is his nephew, so he's fine.
But the other guy is starting to realize, this guy's a raging homosexual who wants to fuck me.
I'm not comfortable here.
Keep going.
Oh, my boys.
My boys.
My boys, we're at the end of an age.
We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shoveled up by labor.
And here we are, we three.
Perhaps the last island of beauty in the world.
I've just realized here that I'm telling you about a very important movie, and I'm just showing you clips of a homosexual and then giggling maniacally.
You think I'm gay.
We're also out of time.
Well, thanks a lot for thinking that I'm gay, but please see that movie.
It defines a lot of the humor of this show.
I showed it to my father-in-law, actually, thinking we would bond, you know, because his daughter loves it.
And he goes, and I go, you didn't love that?
And he goes, I guess I'm not cool.
And then walked away.
So it's conceivable that you will not take these movie recommendations to heart, but you will on tomorrow's episode because it involves Animal House.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
And by the way, when I say get fired, I don't mean for dating a lunatic.
I mean for being yourself and being proud of who you are.
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