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June 19, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
56:24
S02E25 - PARLER AVEC TWITTER
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
I always want to make it to the chorus of these songs.
Curl.
I need someone to curr.
Why don't you curr about me?
My favorite boy?
Curber.
Son of a bitch!
Hey, my ribs are getting better.
Nice.
Yeah, I put on that.
That's Nathaniel Ratcliffe.
Ratcliffe or Ratliff?
It's spelled R-A-T-E-L-I-F-F.
So Ratliff or Ratliff?
Okay.
Son of a bitch!
I put that on because whenever I wear this shirt, I feel like a guy from the 30s who escaped from prison.
Are you throwing your bloody gauze in the garbage again?
And I always think of that guy.
But I'm sort of re-listening to the song now as an intro.
And I'm thinking, fuck you.
Son of a bitch, get me a drink?
You get your own drink.
Don't you know bar etiquette?
In a bar, the idea of going up to someone and going, hey, you son of a bitch, give me a drink.
That's fighting words.
Even when someone offers you a drink, like there's a thing in New York, and I don't see this anywhere else, where the guys will go, I'll pay, I'm getting that one.
Now, they don't buy you a drink.
Like, you want a drink?
What are you having?
You order a drink, and then the bartender will say, that's on David.
I know that sounds gay.
Like, he looks over, the girl looks over, and you're like, hello, sweetie.
But it's not gay in New York.
It's just a thing we do here.
In Britain and Canada, you don't do that.
And I'm not criticizing it.
It is a little bit annoying.
When I first moved to America, I would always buy rounds.
All right, what do we have in here?
Because that's what you do in Canada and Britain.
And then I noticed people weren't buying them back.
So I said, I'll just get my own beers, thanks.
Then I got used to that.
And now as I get older, there's this sort of like, that's on David.
Okay, do I got to get him one?
Because I don't want to.
But you're very humble when someone buys you a drink.
Because you're a junkie, and you're nice to your drug dealer.
So I'm always very polite to my bartender.
I never criticize them.
They could take forever to bring me my beer, and I still go, thank you, thank you.
It's sort of like on a plane with a flight attendant.
You're like, might I perchance get a beer, maybe?
Okay, thank you.
Pushing the button feels so audacious.
Even though the button, the icon on the button is you serving me a drink.
It's a hand with a tray and a drink on it.
Sorry, I pushed the button that said to push.
Tray and a drink.
Can I please get a drink?
Waitress in the sky.
Yeah, we got a lot to discuss.
I'm on parlay now, as Gavin McInnes, all one word.
It's pronounced parlor to the neophytes, who aren't as cultured as, say, someone like myself, who speaks French perfectly.
And it seems to be an alternative to Twitter.
So we'll be talking to the CEO of that new app and asking him really important questions, like who is Tony Montana.
But before we get to that, wait a minute.
How are we doing for time here?
We have that.
I also want to talk to Homeless Gavin about that spelling bee, right?
Yes.
That's probably not long.
The funniest Asian I've ever seen.
The funniest Asian I've ever seen.
Bruce Springsteen?
Yes.
Nice.
Well, they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night, and they burned down his house, too.
Why don't we have any friends named the Chicken Man?
We could.
Actually, at my boxing gym, there's Hydro Man.
I think we talked about this already.
Hydro Man, yep.
Now, I notice you're dressed like you're going to court.
What's the occasion?
Well, it's because I looked at the notes in the Trump highlight.
I love when he wears the red tie and the Navy suit, and that's what I have.
What do you mean, the Trump highlight?
How does that convey anything to the viewers at home?
Well, he made a speech about his running again.
Running again.
He made a speech about his running again.
That's Ryan delivering the news.
So he's doing the running again?
Yeah.
What does that mean?
His 2020 running.
His 2020 running?
Yeah.
Wow.
I hope teachers from the South Bronx watch this show and see what they can do to a young man's brain.
I call him detective shitty behind the scenes because every hunch he has, every instinct he has is terrible.
Terrible.
You're wearing a suit.
Here's how this should have gone.
Hey, Ryan, I noticed you got a red tie suit on.
What's the occasion?
Well, Trump launched his campaign yesterday at around 8 o'clock.
o'clock at night he delivered a speech in florida that must have had a hundred thousand people there no actually only i think 10 or 15 000 could fit in the stadium it was in a giant airplane hangar but there was tens of thousands outside and you look at these anti-Trump rallies impeach Trump and you see a smattering of people Hillary, Jeb Bush, who's the Molester guy?
Ted Cruz?
No, dumbass.
Well, he looks like a Molester.
Joe Biden.
Joe Biden just fell out of my head there for a second.
No one comes to those.
They show up to Trump, though.
And he did a great speech.
If he was reading from a teleprompter, it was not obvious.
And the guy is just, I love when he's off the teleprompter.
My favorite Trump moment, there's been a few, but the number one is, we love you.
I love you too.
That's a guy.
That's a guy who said that.
Trump said that on TV.
He also swears all the time at these things, by the way.
Bullshit, motherfucker, all the time.
It takes the shit out of them.
He's great.
Why comedians don't like him, I don't understand.
He's the funniest president we've ever had.
And the material.
Anyway, it's probably going to be a little boring, but let's check out some highlights from his speech.
Campaign for a second term.
Why are you zoomed in like always?
I'd rather see slacks.
Exactly four years ago this week I announced my campaign for President of the United States.
And it turned out to be more than just a political campaign.
It turned out to be a great political movement because of you.
A great movement.
Can you just pause it for a sec?
So he's kind of at a disadvantage right now because he's known as the change president.
I'm a new guy.
I'm going to come in and rock your world and totally change things up.
But now that he's the incumbent, he's the establishment.
So it's kind of hard for him to say, I'm going to rock the world when he's the president of the United States.
But what he did at this talk is he basically said, no, I'm still the rock your world president.
I just need another four years to keep doing my changes.
And then he's talked about draining the swamp and everyone was going, drain the swamp, drain the swamp, drain the swamp.
What's the matter with you, punk rockers?
You don't want a president to be screaming, I'm getting rid of politicians.
I'm draining the swamp.
I'm getting rid of corruption.
He's the most anarchist president since Ronald Reagan.
He's the most anti-government politician since Margaret Thatcher.
He also looks out and he sees CNN and all this stuff and he goes, a lot of fake news out there.
And then they all started going, fake news, fake news.
No, CNN is fake.
What the hell?
CNN fake news?
I forget the exact chant, but it was the whole stadium cheering.
Nice.
2016 was not merely another four-year election.
This was a defining moment in American history.
Ask them right there.
Oh, here it is, right?
Thank you.
By the way, that is a lot of fake news back there.
Look at them.
You know, remember Bob Odenkirk, the comedian, getting all mad?
You know, Better Call Saul?
And he lost his temper and he goes, he's not presidential.
Fuck the presidency.
Screw the White House.
I have zero reverence for the government.
The White House is a giant DMV.
Don't revere these people.
They want to control your life.
Don't give them your money.
Don't give them your responsibilities.
Stop calling the cops all the time.
Enough with the nanny state.
I just saw this video.
We could watch it later where some kid, some animal rights activist grabs a guy's fish and throws it into the water to save the fish's life.
And everyone's on the phone calling the police, calling the park boards.
Just shove them, punch them.
I don't know.
Handle it yourself.
America is not about revering people who want to control you.
It's about revering the people who actually build things.
Let's revere the working class, the housewife, the entrepreneur.
Not some bureaucrat who wants to tell you how to live.
Another interesting thing about that was he got Melania Trump out first.
She gets up to the podium with her funny accent and she says that she's very excited to serve this place.
I think these are separate emails I sent me afterwards.
To serve this country.
And she looked fantastic, you guys.
Sorry, I was born in England.
I care about fashion.
It's not a hobby.
But look at that outfit.
By the way, my favorite kind of body too, her tits are a little big for my taste, but I love like a big lady, a mountain you can climb.
You know what I mean?
Petite isn't my cup of tea.
Although I'm not going to kick any petites out for eating crackers in bed.
I have a very wide spectrum of what I find attractive.
It's called being a dirty old man.
But look how classy she is.
Scroll down.
Canary yellow.
Isn't this a way better First Lady?
Remember George Bush Sr.'s wife?
One time they were in Saudi Arabia and some chic, Sikh, chic, no chic, says to him, oh, I'm so happy that you brought your mother to this meeting.
Oh my God.
That's my wife.
She just, she looks very, very, very, very old.
It's worse than the pregnancy.
Like, oh, when are you expecting it?
Yeah, yeah.
Yikes.
Or that'd be funny if you see a guy's wife and you think you're being flattering and you go, well, what did you have him when you were eight years old?
You barely look older than him.
I'm actually younger than him.
I'm his wife, not his mother.
Oh, my God.
When I first moved to the burbs, I was talking to some woman at my son's baseball practice and she had like, I thought she was pregnant.
And I was going to do my running joke.
I always do, every time I see a pregnant woman, I go, I used to have that problem too.
And then I just stopped Guinness and I went to Bud Light and it just, it went away.
It's a corny joke, but it always slam dunks.
Although one liberal woman who hated me, I didn't realize she knew who I was.
And I said it and she goes, it's a little more complicated than that.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Giving birth is more complicated than changing beers.
Thanks, joke police.
Joke Nazi, I was going to say.
But I didn't say anything about her pregnancy.
And then I realized as she shifted around that she wasn't pregnant.
And I was just driving home going, thank God I didn't say that joke.
Oh, you didn't?
No.
Praise Jesus.
By the way, speaking of my son, remember I told you that he said to me, I swear to God, when I took something away from him?
Yeah.
And I was like, you want to go?
There's a new one now.
His bedtime is a normal kid bedtime, but I noticed at 10.45, he's still up.
And he comes into the master bedroom where my wife is watching Game of Thrones on Netflix.
And he goes, what are you doing?
And she goes, I'm watching Netflix.
What are you doing?
Why are you up?
And then he says, this is a 10-year-old.
He says, no, No, no, it's way too late.
You're going to be exhausted tomorrow.
He told her to turn off.
Is that a joke?
Yeah, no, he's dead serious.
Sheesh, where does this guy get the gumption?
Sheesh!
Tyler down a notch, smartass.
Go to that other thing where they talk about her in her Milano-blonic polka dot shoes.
I think I said it as a separate email right before we started the show.
But she's got this beautiful white smock on.
Throws on Shade's Ralph Lauren jumpsuit for the...
I love Ralph Lorraine.
Jewish kid, grew up in Queens or something.
Ralph Lipschitz, worst name ever.
And he's sleeping in a bed with his brothers his whole life, speaking of Revere the Entrepreneur.
Then he goes, I want to create a waspy fashion line that sort of glorifies American elites and doesn't try to be British or anything.
You know, cowboy boots, but rich, and makes it happen.
And now he's loaded.
Temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
That's what the poor are in America.
Look at that ensemble.
I guess her tits are fake, huh?
Keep going.
Look at those soiliers.
Look at those shoes.
Her shoe game is so nuts they should call them cashews.
Nah, I get it.
Look at them.
They're giants, by the way.
That is my suit.
Yeah, I'm sure it's exactly the same as this.
Where'd you get that suit?
Arby's?
Look at crap around your desk.
They don't sell suits.
You look like the typical Asian workshop sleep under your desk guy.
You got a water bottle.
You got pills for your teeth.
Three hats.
Separate pair of shoes.
Some track pants, some little sport pants, and then just like rolled up tissues.
This isn't your bedroom, dumbass.
I'm going through a lot.
It's a live TV studio.
Thank God that Jim helped me out because no pain and feels better.
So I know that's the update for all the fans.
Did you also get a lobotomy at the dentist?
What else did they remove?
Part of your brain that was hurting?
No.
No pain and feel good?
Make me more Japanese than before, but feel good.
Yeah, I got a foreign injection.
Yeah, that's what your mom got.
Oh, because your mother, she was with an Asian guy.
Oh.
All right, I got some angry news before we settle down.
You ready to get mad?
I got three stories, actually, that made me mad.
Wait, is it two?
Two or three?
Anyway, this is the first one.
So look at this headline, right?
By the way, I'm also on Telegram as real Gavin McInnes.
So Telegram and Parlay is where I am.
P-A-R-L-E-R.
And on parlay, I'm Gavin McInnes.
This one is called Mom's Murder Son.
Why are you having so much trouble with the notes?
It's the only thing we haven't talked about from the top to the bottom.
Are you on the wrong notes page, Dimwit?
Jeez.
These were sent very early.
11.49 a.m.
I sent you these notes.
We've got John from Parlay.
We already talked about that.
Look at you.
You even have the notes.
Why do we print out the notes, too?
You know what?
You're so bad at your job that I'm starting to feel like I'm abusing people with mental issues.
I feel like I should be going, that's good, Ryan.
Okay, buddy.
Let's see if we can find the notes for today.
What are you doing?
Today's notes, Dimwit!
I got nothing today.
You didn't send it.
This is from yesterday?
Well, that means that I'm wrong.
Right.
And I didn't actually send you the email.
No.
But what you did do was yesterday you sent a premature show rundown.
So I thought that was that.
This is embarrassing.
All right.
Let's cut to the funniest Asian in the world, and I will send you the email.
And I guess I have to.
Apologize.
Look, Ryan, I yelled at you about an email that I thought I sent you.
Insaneus So I just want you to know That I'm Sssssss Ha Ha You can do it.
I am a...
Just...
It's a two-syllable word.
I am deeply, from the bottom of my heart, hey, guys.
I know that you, you know, we try to avoid race on this show because it's seen as racist, but there are white people, black people, Jews, and Asians, basically.
And each group has their funniest member.
Funniest Jew, the funniest black, the funniest white, the funniest Asian.
Well, I thought you might want to meet the funniest Asian.
I know you might think it's my counterpart, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
He can do some funny imitations.
He has his moments, but he is not the funniest Asian in the world.
This guy is.
Take it away.
Funniest Asian ever.
Heron.
Can you please be the word?
Heron.
Please give me the definition.
A wing bird that has a long neck and legs, a long tapering bill with a sharp point and sharp cutting edges.
Heron.
Large wings and plumage.
Can you please be the word?
Heron.
H-E-R-O-N.
May you please use in the sentence?
If Gail had not seen the heron fly down from the tree, she would have insisted that the bird nested on the side.
One of the reasons I love this guy is because he doesn't seem particularly popular.
His hairdo sucks.
His bangs are airbrushed.
He has like a wet bowl cut.
I don't think she likes him.
And maybe he has two friends.
Maybe he has two friends.
And he's decided to amuse them by torturing this woman, this humorless cow, and making her explain heron a hundred times, which is one of the easiest words in the world to spell.
Please speak the word.
Heron.
Please speak the word.
What's the word again?
Heron.
Herwink?
Her wink.
Her robe.
Hairbow.
Heron.
Hairline?
Herlink?
Herling.
Heron.
Can you please speak the word?
Heron.
Heron's humor lady.
He's messing with you.
Ever hear a joke?
Heron.
H-E-R-O-N.
Herring.
He didn't even say herring.
He said herring.
A ring?
Heron.
Heroin.
Heroin.
Just pause.
This is one thing that Sasha Baron Cohen tries to capitalize on, which I think he fails at because he'll have, you know, children who were murdered in an Israeli kindergarten or a guy who survived a massive attack in Afghanistan who wants a waterboarding thing signed by Dick Cheney.
He chooses weird targets.
This guy is actually mocking her for thinking that Asians have Down syndrome.
What he's really doing is noting that she thinks he's mentally handicapped because she's never really known any Asians.
He's kind of mocking her for being racist.
That's good comedy.
Hero.
Heroin?
No.
Maybe speak the word.
Please.
Heron.
Maybe please give me the definition.
A wading bird that has a long neck and legs, a long tapering bill with a sharp point and sharp cutting edges.
Heroin.
H-E-R-O-N.
Heron.
And yeah, friend, I want you to be my F-R-I-E-N-D.
F-R-I-E-N-D.
Son of a bitch.
I can't get clean.
I'm on the beach.
I think I get it now.
He's trying to get clean because he's in rehab and he's not at a bar saying, excuse me, son of a bitch, can you get me a drink?
He's sitting there with the shakes going, son of a bitch, I need a drink.
Can someone get me a drink?
I need a drink.
Even then, I think it's a little rude.
If I was at rehab, I'd say to my counselor, I'd really like a fucking drink right now, please.
What do you got there?
You're playing music, Juniors.
Are you on pills?
Please tell me there's some sort of medication that's making you be so terrible.
And I don't think you have the right happy days clip.
It's Tylenol with Codeine.
I was rushing.
Ralph, I was.
I was not exactly right.
There you go.
I'm not exactly not...
So you're sure you sent him now?
Okay.
Yeah, you have them?
I do.
Mom's murderous son.
Gotcha.
I like to keep the show kind of fun, but occasionally let's just rail at the evil that is going on in this country, the fake news that we are told.
Mom, it's the British newspaper, is accused of beheading her son a year after.
Holy crap.
Sheesh.
They changed the title.
No.
Yes.
It doesn't even say edited.
Holy crap.
Oh, wait, no, no, updated 1024 of the 19th.
Holy crap.
This changes my story.
This is another infuriating thing about the media.
It's an amorphous blob that when you go, hey, that's fucked up.
It goes, what?
It's sort of like those cancer cells where they find a way to choose it and it just goes, no, now I'm AIDS.
Now I'm crabs.
Now I'm gonorrhea.
What?
Somebody take that out of context, please.
Holy crap.
So, after tearing off his penis, this...
Yeah, do Time Machine.
How do we do that?
I don't know.
Time Machine, that link.
So what it used to say was, woman kills son, beheads son after discovering he wanted to be a girl.
Right?
That was the article.
And this story is so sadistic, it's going to give you nightmares.
So I'm not really talking about the story itself like it's a trend.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
Nice.
Oh, Time Machine Works.
Cool.
Hell yeah, dog.
Mom beheaded son, nine, after stabbing him 12 times because he wanted to be a girl.
Whoa.
So you read that and you go, oh, transphobia.
They're probably Christians.
Disgusting.
And you don't read the article because people just see that.
And then that'll come up in a bar.
Well, they'll go, you don't think trans violence is real?
Just the other day, a little kid was killed by his mother for asking to be a girl.
And you go, that doesn't sound right.
Are you sure?
And then you look it up and you find that it's two lesbians who hate men, hate men.
And this boy was allegedly the product of a rape, even though the father, the biological father goes, didn't rape her.
She stole the kid and escaped.
I couldn't find the kid.
They've been on the run.
So this couple, I think they're the ones who decided he wanted to be a girl, these lesbians.
And you know what they did to the boy?
They cut his penis off in a home surgery.
So they probably like tied rubber bands around it till it died and then he just would pee out a hole.
Oh my God.
Oh my god.
Oh my God.
And then a year later, as he has this mutilated penis, these women claiming that he wanted to be a girl, which I don't believe.
He's a little kid.
He's nine years old.
He's a year younger than my boy.
Can you show the article, please?
Scroll down.
I think they have a picture of the kid.
There he is.
Oh.
Why wouldn't you be showing that while I'm talking about it?
Because there's actually seven different captures of this article.
So I think they might have updated it.
The body of it also?
Huh.
Multiple times.
I think they got in trouble for this.
Plus, a lot of this times it's interns who get farmed out and they go, write a salacious article.
We need some clicks.
But they're never salacious about the other side.
They don't say like, gays, go on this child murdering rampage.
And this story will die, just like the school shooting.
Does anyone remember this?
The school shooting where one of them was trans and she was an anchor baby of an illegal alien?
Story died two days later.
Unlike Heather Heyer, where we hear about it every single day and every time white supremacy comes up, we have to hear about how it's killing people.
For example, Heather Heyer.
But yeah, a year after these mentally ill lesbians mutilated this nine-year-old boy's penis, they also cut his face off, gouged his eyes out with a knife, cut him into small pieces, tried to incinerate his body on a barbecue.
They were too stupid to figure that out, so they eventually put him in a suitcase and threw him in the sewer.
I hope that their fellow prisoners can dole out a little more punishment than just jail, because this doesn't deserve simply sitting in a cell.
This deserves the same sadism that they doled out.
Eye for an eye.
Speaking of sentencing, check out this other story that made me furious.
A Canadian man who aided in the 2009 murder of five American soldiers in Iraq was sentenced to 26 years in jail by a Brooklyn federal judge Tuesday despite objections from the victims' families.
You notice we've totally forgotten about the victims' families.
Like the Central Park 5.
What was her name again?
Taisha Miel or something?
Those teens were wilding on a regular basis through Central Park.
This woman was raped by a serial murderer, serial rapist.
If you can be both, he was.
And they were exonerated in order to take his confession.
They may not have raped her, but they were there during the rape, holding her legs down and robbing her and beating her within an inch of her life.
Beating her so severely that she, the prost the detectives just treated it as a homicide because they assumed she wouldn't be coming back from that.
She now does lectures about brain damage to brain surgeons.
There she is.
Tricia Mailey.
Tricia Mailey.
And I got it.
My wife subscribes to Vanity Fair and it came with a supplement, an awards supplement.
And there was Ava DuVernay holding one of the black actors, who's a little tiny sweet boy in the movie, as opposed to a tall teenager who was raping chicks.
And it's all about the Central Park Five and justice and how it's not...
They never show her pictures in articles about Ava's Netflix movie.
It's just about the way we see people and how wrong it is, how evil we can be.
All right.
Okay, here's one last thing before we talk to Joe Matzy Mates, whatever his name is, John.
John Mates.
Remember, we're talking about Carlos Mazza?
Can we just have normal names, please?
I have the most normal name on earth.
It's completely 100% phonetic.
There's even a double consonant next to the I, so you know it's I. Gavin McInnes.
Even Siri calls me McGinnis.
It's infuriating.
Meanwhile, we got John Matza and Carlos Mazza.
I correct people every time they say McGinnis.
I give up.
It bothers me.
I'm like, you see a C in there.
I give up.
So there was a BuzzFeed article, and it was about dogs in the workplace.
No, that's not it.
I sent it as a separate email.
Dogs in the workplace.
And as, this is what happened to the far-left media.
They said, everything is white supremacists and everything, everyone's a Nazi, and you got to punch a Nazi and Trump's a Nazi.
And that's against trans people.
And it's LGBTQQ now.
This is why coffee is insensitive to aboriginals.
And this is why braiding your hair is cultural appropriation.
And this is why Beyonce is an actual goddess and she should be worshipped in church.
And this is why someone got a PhD in Beyoncé versus Star Wars and why one is more relevant.
So they turned the news into garbage, just babysitter agenda shit.
And people went, I'm not enjoying this.
This isn't interesting.
It's just a one-sided lunatic freak.
Very far, like all this HuffPo, BuzzFeed, Daily Beast, they represent a tiny sliver of the American population.
It's very esoteric.
I mean, I've always known these radicals.
I used to go to anarchist gatherings, and they were a tiny, even back then, it was a tiny group of radicals.
And I kind of liked them.
Like, I'd meet these lesbian separatists that don't want to touch your hand when they shake hands.
And I kind of like the, I know freaks, right?
Did I not send you that email?
Nope.
Well, I got this.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Okay.
And then these radicals take over a large swath of the mainstream and they go, we're not making any money because there's no money in it.
So then what do they do?
They start a union and start complaining and then more get fired.
So look at this.
Leaked messages reveal BuzzFeed staff rowed.
That's fighting.
A lot of British news today.
Over having emotional support puppies as 15% are axed.
I remember there was a story a few years ago about a bunch of interns who had to have a dress coat at this corporation they were working at.
So the interns went on strike and said, we don't want to have to wear a suit and tie at this stupid corporation.
And the corporation said, well, you're fired, dummies.
And then they were all freaked out.
That's exactly what's going on here.
They write terrible stories.
They write totally utter crap, like that 9,000-word Max Landis essay we were discussing yesterday.
And then the free market goes, I can't afford you anymore.
This is just charity at this point.
So then they go, I want my puppies here.
I want to be able to wear what I want.
And I'm forming a union to get paid more.
And they go, you can't get blood from a stone.
Bye-bye.
So Carlos Matza was talking about, who is it now?
Vox?
This is in Moore Matzah.
By the way, go back to that article that's right there.
I could do a whole separate show on that piece of shit, Jonah Paretti.
He's one of the worst people around.
He's actually, the family in the movie Get Out is based on him.
I swear to God.
No.
Yes.
Chelsea Peretti.
Oh, yeah.
Chelsea Peretti's brother.
Holy shit.
Chelsea and Jonah Peretti.
Chelsea Pereti.
She's married to Jordan Peel.
Jonah Peretti has started a bunch of businesses, and he does things like he, see if you can look this up.
Jonah Peretti, he took on the identity of John Lott, the gun expert, and then had a website where you could email John Lott at thewebsite.com.
John Lott had to sue him to stop him smearing his name.
He also had a dating app he was working on, and there was some like Valentine's special thing.
Yeah.
The incredible thing the site CEO did using my name without permission.
BuzzFeed and me.
So the go back to that.
Why do you keep clicking away all the time?
Because now I'm looking for the Valentine's Day thing.
It's in that article.
Oh.
He also started a dating app thing, and he took on the guy's name.
The dating guy joined John on this website because he didn't have anyone.
Yeah, Joan F. Predty set up the website jeffgoldblatt.com under the pretense that it was Goldblatt's personal website.
Predi sent out emails from me at jeffgoldblatt.com that, according to Goldblatt, contained multiple lies about me and portrayed me as an arrogant jerk who was bragging about how I stole the idea of the New York City rejection line.
So this article is about two personalities that Jonah Paretti subsumed in order to defame them so he could be more successful at his particular job.
Anyway, go back to Matt's thing, because that was a tangent.
I just find it interesting that these dunce caps, they just squeeze and squeeze the hand that feeds them and then get bit and go, oh.
It's like those Antifa pink kids who got punched in the face with a helmet on the end of yesterday's show and you see one of them just going like, what the hell just happened?
I've never been hit before.
There's consequences?
There's things called ramifications.
I thought nose were for smelling things.
I thought nose were for nose rings.
Putting in butts.
BuzzFeed News employees are planning to stage a walkout on Monday in a push to get management to recognize their union.
But you don't have the Matzah comment on this?
Huh.
Because Matzah commented on this and he retweeted and he was like, that's it.
You go, girl.
Empower yourself.
Don't let them walk out on you.
I mean, don't let them dominate you.
And they're all going to get fired.
That's already happened.
There's already been a huge wave of firings, at Vice, at BuzzFeed, Daily Beast, all these articles, they get fired in droves.
They get dumped, basically.
And then they go, I demand that you sleep with me more and buy me chocolates and flowers for Valentine's Day.
Sorry, dude.
All right, let's talk to John Matz about Parlay, because I like Telegram, but Parlay really feels like it could replace Twitter.
I'm calling on me My heart is a pain John Mates, are you there, sir?
Yes.
Those earbuds drive me nuts.
They look like pearl earrings.
I think they look incredibly douchey.
You look like John J.R. Binks.
You look like something under the Star Wars bar.
Well, the worst part is when you're on an airplane and one of them falls out when they're taken off and it just shoots all the way to the back of the plane.
Yeah.
Have you seen there's now cords that you can attach to them so you don't lose them?
You might as well just plug it in at that point, right?
Exactly.
It's like been uninvented.
So I had no idea you were so breathtakingly gorgeous.
I don't know what to say to that.
Do you think you're better looking than me?
Well, I don't know.
I'm not as hipster, I guess.
I don't really have the whole hipster vibe going on, which is kind of unfortunate.
I'm dressed like a guy who escaped prison in 1932.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The mustache is pretty cool.
I could never pull it off.
This is as much facial hair as I've ever had in my life, and I still can't patch it in here or here.
It just kind of doesn't do its job.
I think you're a 7.85.
And I'm a 7.
I'm a 6.91.
All right, I got a lot of questions for you.
So you're the CEO of Parlay?
Yes.
Do you pronounce it parlay or the wrong way?
I've been pronouncing it the wrong way because people could actually download the app if I pronounced it the wrong way.
Gotcha.
But I like parlay, especially because when you create a post, we call it a parlay.
It says you parlayed information to people.
Oh, I get it.
Nice, nice.
That's probably the Latin origin of the term right there.
Ryan, take your stupid shirt off the back of your chair.
We're doing a show here.
You got bananas on your desk.
It's not very professional.
God, we're not out of sleep over, you dunce.
So you started parlay, and it seems to be very similar to Twitter.
And a lot of people are heading over there, especially in the past three weeks, I've noticed.
Would you say that you are the new Twitter?
I think that we're doing what Twitter should have done when they started.
I think we're going to be catching up.
By no means can I call us the new Twitter right now because we don't have like 4,000 employees to constantly keep everything running smoothly.
but I definitely think we're a great contender.
And I think we're going to do a lot more than Twitter.
They've been basically stagnant for like three years.
I don't think they've really done anything interesting or new, you know, other than censoring people.
Now, what are the copyright parameters?
Like, they have Twitter moments.
Can you have parlay events?
They have DMs.
Can you have fairly direct messages?
Well, I mean, everyone has direct messages.
There's nothing unique or interesting about that.
And, you know, the way we're going to be doing it is different than how they do it and how a lot of other sites do it.
And we eventually introduce DMs because we don't have them today.
We're trying to do it in a way that's more secure and more focused on privacy of individuals talking to one another without us being able to see their messages.
So you're trying to give yourself less power, less rights.
Yeah, I think that's really important now.
I mean, look, I understand why Twitter did it.
And not just Twitter, right?
This is all like the, you know, Facebook, all these guys.
They all want more power because it gives them more leverage, more control, and more money.
But the reality is it's very short-sighted, in my opinion, because they're going to go out of business doing that.
They're going to disenfranchise their user base, abuse their trust, and it's not going to work.
They're huge now, but they're not going to be in five years.
Yeah, I think when you kill the conversation, you just get in this bubble.
Like I just read a second ago on parlay, by the way, that the MTV Music Awards, their viewership has gone down 36%, despite the show being forced onto like 20 different channels.
And I think it's because of political correctness and wanting to please everyone and eschewing meritocracy.
And you get to the point where you're just in a babysitter's head and it's not fun anymore.
There's no danger.
Well, no, but it's even worse than that on Twitter.
I mean, I guess it is pretty similar too, though.
But what I had an interviewer asking me yesterday for a published article.
And they were saying, you know, how are you going to handle hate?
And I'm like, well, you know, people are leaving Twitter because it's probably the most hateful place on the internet.
And I mean, when the president makes a post and it's just like, you're dumb, orange mad, bad, like all this stuff.
It's just, it's, it's really hateful.
People are leaving because they just don't want to get yelled at by internet trolls on the left, who are actually really bad trolls, too.
Yeah, the vitriol you get from the left, they're all about love and they hate hate.
And they just talk, they talk in a weird way.
Even I remember back in Sarah Palin days, I was talking to Anthony Bourdain, and he said, it was in private, but he's dead now, so whatever.
He said, yeah, I'd love to cut her skin off in slow, long strips.
Like the way the left talks about their enemies, it sounds like the South African farmers.
Like it's pure sadism.
By the way, I think that's bannable on parlay to say that.
Not because it's leftist, but I mean, because it's like awkwardly sexual and not relevant to society.
I feel like that's...
Is there anything you censor?
Because I had this dumb forum, the little chat thing on my old website, and I originally started saying, no rules at all.
No rules.
And then you get two groups, the Holocaust-denying anti-Semites and the didn't do nothings with the racist cartoon black joke things.
And you go, oh, that makes me uncomfortable, but maybe I need to be uncomfortable.
And then it's like putting a drop of blank ink into a glass of water.
They just spread and spread and just dominate the conversation.
Yeah, we do eliminate things, but it's only things that are not allowed by the FCC.
So we kind of want to base everything in law.
So if we can find precedence in the FCC or we can find precedence in the Supreme Court, then we'll throw that in there as our rules.
And we've got a chart and try to make it really easy.
So technically, we do allow racist things because it's hard to define what racism is specifically to the point where, okay, is racism now making fun of somebody's, I don't know, illegal or versus legal citizenship status?
At what point do you draw the line, right?
So what we're doing is trying to find a basis in the FCC, which typically means that when these crazy anti-Semites and other people get on there, they generally jump to violence pretty quick, which makes it very easy to boot them off.
So we've kicked off a few neo-Nazis already just because they jump to violence so fast, and we just don't tolerate that.
Yeah, I mean, if you look at the political spectrum, my mustache is in the middle.
It goes like this.
And the nuts on the far right, the like kill all the Jews types, it really is a sliver.
And I think Twitter used to have a problem with that sliver.
They got rid of it.
And then they became drunk with power.
And they made that sliver into basically everyone to the right of Mao.
So it's a slip.
It's not even a slippery slope.
I don't like that term.
But it's like you get rid of a few genuinely mentally ill anti-Semites, and then you say, okay, well, now that I've done that, let's get rid of anyone who doesn't like the teachers' union.
You get a little bit of a power rush, and you go, okay, let's start banning more and more people.
The reality is, is they're like a rogue dictatorship.
They just have some guy in charge who just makes arbitrary decisions and they don't really have any direction or basis in something like bigger than them, if you will.
And that's why we picked the Supreme Court.
Well, you seem to know what you're talking about.
You seem to have things under control.
We just did some research here, and Twitter, as of this morning, on the NASDAQ, is worth 16 zillion, kajillion, nillion, billion.
Are you going to be fucking rich?
I don't know.
At this rate, I'm going to be happy if I sleep right now.
That's kind of where I'm concerned with.
But there's a lot of very interesting and prominent and wealthy people involved in the platform in terms of like showing interest in investing and getting this thing to grow.
Maybe.
It'd be cool.
I don't really think that's my number one priority right now.
Can I have a Rolex, the gold kind, that keeps the date?
Once I buy a watch, I'll get you a Rolex afterwards.
Okay, two more things before we go.
So you weren't that well known a month ago, and then there was some fake news that Trump was moving to parlay, and everything just exploded.
This seems to be the case, yeah.
I mean, I don't really know how fake news decides to start.
Um, I have a feeling I know the origin of this one, but can you tell us?
What?
What's the origin?
Uh, I think it was the Politico article by Ben.
I can't remember his last name, but Ben's really awesome.
I, you know, to be honest, for a Politico, I, you know, I was so worried talking to them.
I thought that it would be like the, all right, this is going to be a hit list on John.
How do we take him down and destroy his site?
You know, he did very good research.
He did a good job, but I mean, then he just threw out this fake news at the end, I think, to make his article popular.
Yeah, well, another funny, interesting thing about you, nobody knows, is you're not really into pop culture or, you know, the political icons.
You're a programming guy.
Yeah, no, I'm a software engineer.
I built the iPhone app.
I did that all myself.
So if you ask me about sports or pop culture, I literally won't be able to answer any of your questions.
All right, well, let's do it then.
Question one.
Who is Tony Montana?
You don't know who Tony Montana is?
I don't know who Tony Montana is.
What does the expression, say hello to my little friend, mean?
Is that Arnold Stewart's finger?
Don't guess these.
What is planking?
I know what planking is.
Is that like a workout thing?
No, no, it's when they try to go between the two benches and they lay down like an idiot.
Well, yeah, they're both.
I mean, it is a workout, but it's also a trend where you make yourself into a board and you photograph yourself in weird places.
Yeah, idiots between the benches.
What about parkour?
Parkour.
It's like jumping around and working out, right?
Good, good.
Who is Questlove?
Just say I don't know.
What are you going to do?
Think about it?
What are you going to do?
Figure it out?
It sounds like some sort of maybe a musician.
Maybe he plays drums, African-American gentleman.
I'm just like thinking, you know, maybe I do know who this is, but let me make sure I don't before I tell you I don't.
Who is Jordan Peterson?
I know who that is.
He's the angry professor from Canada.
Who talks like Kermit the Frog?
What is the intellectual?
What is the intellectual dark web?
I know what the dark web is, like the forbidden portion of the web, but in terms of the intellectual part, I don't know.
What is the alt-light?
I don't know.
What is a flying V?
It's a snowboard.
We got that one.
Well, good.
No.
I'm glad that our nerds, first of all, I'm surprised they're breathtakingly gorgeous, but I'm glad that our nerds are focused on what's important and not wasting their time with Eddie Van Halen's friend's guitar.
All right.
That is.
That's my questions.
Now, you're going to be going, you're sort of in the zone now.
I mean, this is all, it's like on.
You've got to sort of take this moment and crowbar it open because this is your window.
Yeah, that's basically what we've been trying desperately to do.
You know, keep in mind, we have got 10 people total working on this, really.
And, you know, we're up against people who have thousands.
We're also being attacked by the people of thousands.
And they're throwing their media at us.
They're throwing their engineers at us.
They're throwing everything at us to just destroy us.
Are they trying to hack this site?
We haven't had any major hackings yet.
But we have had a hacking group attack us and then give us a sheet afterwards telling us what they attacked us over, which was kind of nice of them.
But really, the biggest part right now has been mostly political.
I mean, I knew we were going to get attacked by the left, but I didn't, I mean, because I'm not right-leaning, by the way.
I'm like a libertarian.
I just, you know, spend a lot of time with the right-leaning crowd because they're the ones who will give me the time of the day.
But, you know, they're really attacking us on every front.
I mean, to the point where they're trying to undermine our status on various app stores, which we've solved, I think.
And they're trying to, you know, basically hit us with any dirty move they've got, they're throwing at us.
It's kind of overwhelming.
It's amazing that, and you don't have a policy.
It's not like, welcome to parlay where the alt-right can thrive.
Your agenda is just freedom where everyone can speak, and they're mad at that.
They're mad at free speech.
That's disturbing.
They don't want you to leave their control.
It goes back to that thing.
It's a rogue dictator in charge of their platforms.
They don't want that control to be given up.
You'd get the same treatment in Cuba or Venezuela.
Yeah.
Well, they're bigger than Cuba and Venezuela.
They're bigger than governments at this point.
They can make or break elections.
True, true.
All right, John, thanks for coming on the show.
I like you more than friend.
And if either of us become gay and our wives die, God forbid, we should start dating.
I certainly hope my wife doesn't die anytime soon.
Well, just keep an open mind.
That's what parlay is all about.
All right.
See ya.
See ya.
I'm shaking.
I was crawling on me.
My heart was aching.
What a hunk.
Hunkosaurus Rex.
Yes.
If I was gay, that'd be my type.
Tall, dark, and handsome.
I guess that's everyone's type, right?
My cousin has black hair.
He's part Mexican.
And even now that he's an old man, we'll be at a thing, like a family event, and there'll be some woman there just talking his ear off.
Like, bitch, he's married.
Boy, when he was young.
In Glasgow, Scotland, being part Mexican, it was criminal.
I brought a black guy to Glasgow, Scotland once, Derek Beckles.
It was like The Walking Dead.
We'd be talking and they'd start slowly appearing, leaning on the jukebox.
We had to leave several bars because he was getting stalked.
He was in the Beatles, basically.
My uncle, too, had jet black hair.
He had jet black hair with a white streak that went.
He had my same hairdo, but jet black and then a white streak.
He never had a mustache, unfortunately.
He was a closeted gay who he would have done great if he was fat, but in the straight world, he would have just slayed pussy.
Remind me to bring in the picture of him at my parents' wedding because she was a smokeshoe.
Oh, he was married.
No.
Oh, but he had a long-term beard?
All right.
Remind me to tell you about the chick he brought to my parents' wedding.
Oh, he was married.
Because people can only come to a wedding if they're married.
You can't bring your girlfriend, right?
But he had a hot beard?
How long did he have a beard for?
It wasn't a beard.
He was trying to be straight.
Yeah, a beard is when you're gay and trying to be straight.
No, a beard is when you're trying to look straight.
I think he didn't want to be gay.
He clearly didn't if he was in the closet his whole life.
Anyway, I was talking earlier about authority and how we all call the police and the phones thing.
Like someone, anything goes wrong and we get out our phones so we can document it.
We've become a nation of snitches.
Snitches and bitches.
You don't record it.
It doesn't have to be on film.
If someone takes your fish.
I'm sorry.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm advocating violence, but is that not grounds for a fight?
Punch him in the fucking face.
the first reason to ever fight somebody ever.
At the very least, Yeah, a caveman steals a caveman's dinner.
You're going to get clubbed over the head.
But surely if you're going to be stealing someone's food, you're prepared to get punched in the face.
But this guy, judging by his footwear choice, it hasn't occurred to him that shit's going to go down.
No, the police will handle it for me.
Go ahead.
Call the police.
Call the police.
I just saved a fish's life.
How about that?
How about that?
Call the police.
I just saved your video.
I just saved the fish's life.
By the way, there's no evidence of that.
It could be a dead fish floating around in the water right now.
You hear the bald, tough guy?
This is harassment.
This is theft.
You stole that fish out of his home.
I'm calling the police officer.
You stole that fish out of his home.
I don't care what that person thinks that it's okay to teach kids to kill animals.
Do you think that's okay?
Do you think that's okay?
No, I don't, but they're not paying attention.
You're making them pay attention to the family.
Do you know how many gazillions of fish are killed every day for food?
He's in the wrong place.
Go to a fish factory, dude.
Or go to one of those giant tankers with the nets that take in approximately nine jajillion, zillion, billion fish, more than the GDP of Google and Twitter combined.
I'm really good at evaluations today.
Yeah, but fish kill other fish.
I'm wrong for telling you.
Yeah, so what about fish kills New York?
Where we get our water from?
Oh, yes.
That means nothing.
That's the kind of thing you say.
Yeah, it was.
It's violence.
Killing fish is no kindness.
It's not food.
It's violence.
Wait, wait, do you hear that chant?
Killing fish is no kindness.
It's not food, it's violence.
First of all, kindness and violence don't rhyme.
Secondly, who says something is no kindness?
So keep going.
This goes on and on and on.
It's a really long video.
And he's like, that makes no sense.
He keeps saying, that makes no sense.
And the other guy's like, look, dude, I don't want to go to jail.
I don't want to fight you.
That's the other problem, too, with all this litigation, right?
Like when Nick DiPaulo got punched in the face by that woman at the comedy show, he just has to sit there and call the police and threaten to sue her.
Waste everyone's time.
Look, so this is what the police do.
They go, just call the park guard.
So the park guards show up.
It's some dude in a t-shirt and some chick in a t-shirt that says the park.
And what are they going to do?
So anyway, don't steal his fish.
And then he leaves.
Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face.
There's two types of people in the world.
People who've been punched in the face and people who haven't.
I've been punched in the face.
I've been punched in the face this week.
And I'm a better person for it.
I'm not saying you should randomly punch people in the face, but I am saying you shouldn't call the cops every time there's a slight conflict and get authorities involved and document it.
Can we solve our own problems, please?
We're living in a climate of fear where everyone's so petrified of ramifications.
Embrace the ramifications.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
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