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June 17, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
52:04
S02E23 - CENSORING COMEDY
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Bro, throw them devilish gang shots in the air.
Stop giving it up for little evil me.
My f*** is a crinkle, some of me and don't think we can.
You know who I look like?
That guy from Blaze TV, that Andrew, what the hell's his name?
These are our things.
They can't be broken.
These arguments are true.
You can try to break us, but it's fun for us.
What the hell's his name?
Wilkow?
Andrew Wilkow.
Wilkow, yeah, yeah.
I got my Andrew Wilkow on today.
He always does the vest.
It's actually a good way to sort of hide your imperfections, those weird wrinkles that shirts get.
It also solves the shoulder problem, but I don't think I'm a vest guy.
That's good.
It's not.
It's a certain.
Bikers look good in vests.
But guys who are vest guys...
I love Andrew Wilkow.
But it's not my thing.
It's too waitery.
Yeah, it's a bartender-y type of thing, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe if I roll up the sleeves, it'll be better.
Hello, folks.
Welcome back.
As you know, Mondays, there's always so much to talk about.
We eschew guests and green screen, homeless Gavins, or any of those bells and whistles because we got to get down to it.
And I chose that opening Diane word that was Cookie Thumper because they're a South African band.
And I wanted to briefly talk about South Africa because it's a good example of how you can't make jokes about anyone but white males.
If Steven Crowder mocks Carlos Maza, he gets demonetized.
But you could talk about murdering, committing the most heinous acts against South Africans, and it's very funny.
We were watching this Jeff Frost.
He's got this new roast thing where he roasts famous people throughout history.
I like the concept, but it's doomed not to be funny.
It's doomed to be super corny because you're talking about Rosa Parks and Abe Lincoln and George Washington getting roasted.
It's kind of nerdy, actually, and it takes the whole edge off because the funny thing about roasts is that person being embarrassed then and there.
You make it into a dead person and it's not tense anymore.
It's corny.
But I don't know.
People might learn.
Like Hamilton makes my skin crawl just because it seems so hokey.
But I guess kids are learning about the founding fathers that wouldn't normally learn about it.
Okay.
I guess I'll take that.
They do mention things like Abe Lincoln was...
What's it called?
Gay?
He didn't want to really...
That.
He slept with that guy.
And then also that he didn't want, if he didn't have to free the slaves, he wouldn't have.
Oh, really?
He said, yeah, if I could maintain the Union without freeing one slave, I would gladly do it.
The problem with admitting that, liberals, is you concede that the Civil War was not about slavery.
And if the Civil War wasn't about slavery, then all your Confederate flag hatred and all your statues being taken down is no longer a noble crusade.
Oops.
But yeah, show that clip.
So they're talking, it's Nelson Mandela played by Urkel, I guess.
Yeah, Jalil White.
Oops, did I do that?
Is that what he says?
Yeah.
Remember when your actor-in-chief, Ronald Reagan, called me a terrorist?
Sorry, I had to car bomb a couple of racists.
I was busy Indian apartheid.
Just pause.
I believe he murdered with explosions, with bombs, not just car bombs, but he killed, I believe, about 350 people.
Hundreds of people were bombed, their bodies ripped to shreds because he was the head of the ANC and they were a terrorist group that murdered hundreds of human beings.
But they were racist in South Africa.
Really?
Was that the deal back then?
Everyone white in South Africa was a racist who deserved to die?
And then after he's arrested and sent to prison for killing hundreds of people, his wife Winnie becomes the murderer in charge.
And not only does she blow people up, but her MO was necklacing.
That's where you take a tire, you fill it with gas.
She did this to blacks, too.
Anyone who stood in the way of her political career.
And she would put the, probably mostly blacks, actually.
And they would put this tire around your neck and light it on fire.
You, of course, burn, and then the tire melts, the rubber melts down onto your body.
It's probably one of the, I don't think you can show this, dude.
Don't show it.
It's one of the most horrific ways to die imaginable.
Like tar and feathering, don't you die from tar and feathering?
Oh my.
Yeah, there's an awful meme that I just came across.
You can put it up.
Well, nice necklace.
Yeah, he went to Jared Mendela.
So anyway, back to this thing.
So he's joking about killing hundreds of people.
And again, I don't censor jokes, so it's not like I want this banned, but I think it's interesting the climate we live in.
So let's keep going, Urkel.
It's like that old South African proverb that still holds true.
Just pause.
Could he have a worse South African accent, please?
That's actually racist, what he's doing.
It sounds like a weird Indian accent or something.
Yeah, just about.
Listen to Nelson Mandela for a little bit before you get on stage and pretend to be him.
Go ahead.
If you want to make an omblet, you've got to kill some white bombers.
Look at them.
Enjoy that.
You American activists had a single business.
That's what I wanted to show.
Because just today, on, did I send it to you?
Yeah.
On TR News, that's Tommy Robinson News.
Avi Yamini had a thing out about this horrific event that happened last year.
The mother, Who's still alive is talking about it to remind people what happened.
Maybe just let Avi explain it for a little bit.
In just the first two weeks of this month, there have been 19 farm attacks in South Africa, including three murders.
The world's continued silence is deafening.
They're not silent.
Let's go last for a second.
And just picture this horrific scenario.
A woman is at home alone with her three children when a hate-filled man blasts his way in, shooting the mother in the lower body and narrowly missing her son's head.
The attacker then comes in and turns the gun on her 15-year-old child, demanding that he rapes his mother in front of his younger siblings.
The mother does what any mother would do.
She begs the intruder not to make him do this depraved act and to take her instead.
For some reason, it worked.
The sick and pleasant man agrees.
Did you catch that?
So the guy breaks into this white farm and he says to the 15-year-old boy, I want you to rape your mother and puts a gun to his head.
She begs him not to.
I may cry talking about this.
And that happens in the Congo, too.
I'd never heard of this before Africa came along.
Like, when was the last time you heard about someone being forced to rape their mother at gunpoint?
But remember that woman who climbed the Statue of Liberty?
And she made it to the toes, by the way.
Yeah, I climbed the Statue of Liberty.
It's not really climbing.
You made it up the first part of the pedestal.
Making it to a statue's toes is not really considered an accomplishment.
But she's from the Congo, and she was protesting Trump's horrible human rights record.
The Congo basically invented making children rape their mothers.
That's rampant all over their disgusting war, their civil war they're having over there.
Anyway, so this guy breaks in and he rapes the mother, beats her.
She's a bloody mess.
The children are watching.
The husband, I think, is shot.
Go back to Avi for a sec.
It's so funny.
Let's make jokes about it.
Yeah, the whole crowd was laughing at that.
And rapes her.
Before going out, coming back and bringing the 13-year-old daughter in, undressing her, molesting her, and making her watch, making the daughter watch as he rapes her bleeding mother again.
This is not some story I've made up.
That's exactly what happened on the 23rd of March last year.
A farmer's wife today has shared the story in a hope to raise awareness about the horrific reality white South African farmers are currently living.
Nikki, a 45-year-old woman, was at home with her three children when this man blasted his way into their farmhouse before terrorizing the family in a sickening ordeal that lasted over four long hours and that can only be described as living hell.
I told my little one to be quiet or else this man would all I saw were his little silent tears rolling down his little cheeks for the next four hours.
That's kind of a depressing restaurant to show the Daily Mail.
But the reason I bring this up, by the way, there were no groans at that joke, that South African, you're going to kill some South African farmers.
And they groaned at trivializing Rosa Parks sitting down.
Oh, yeah, they said Rosa Parks got a statue for sitting.
That's how lazy Americans are.
And everyone went, whoa, like that's too much.
Yeah, raping a family, that's funny.
Yeah.
And then that brings me to Samantha B, who did a thing.
I was checking out Carlos Matza's feed, and it is irritating.
It's just irritating how blind these people are to their own hypocrisy.
So Carlos Maza attacks everyone on the right, and then someone lisps when they describe him, and it's racist and homophobic.
This guy defines himself as a gay Latino.
Someone makes fun of his identity, and that's a horrible, racist, homophobic attack that everyone's getting rich off of.
This is Samantha B's premise.
By the way, Samantha B was my neighbor upstate for a long time.
Our kids played together, and she includes me in this video, the fucking cunt.
A video producer for Vox shared that he's experienced prolonged racist and homophobic abuse from a right-wing YouTube video.
She crouched over like an old witch.
Pave the way for those abusive videos to become massively popular.
But YouTube allowed him to profit off of them.
Of course, YouTube pushed those videos.
Controversy drives clicks.
Clicks inspire more content creation.
And the more videos you make, the greater your visibility and monetary reward.
When YouTube was made aware of the harassment against Maza, they did what they do best.
Basically, nothing.
In a tweet, two Carlos Maza, YouTube says that they conducted an in-depth review of the videos that were flagged to them.
They say that what they saw was clearly hurtful, but the video is a little bit more.
Look how bad Don Laman is.
Oh, that is a shame.
If only YouTube had a policy against hurtful content, specifically, and I mean, it would be crazy if this existed.
Sammy policy.
Sammy 100-year-old witch junior.
Their policy is like a video going, we got the goddamn gay Hispanics coming in here.
Gays Hispanics need to die.
Like, that's a hateful video, and that's not allowed on there.
Crowder was joking around.
He made an apology video where he apologized for his past hundred jokes and they were all very, very clearly funny.
You know, like you have to kill some South African farmers to make an omelet.
You know, jokes.
So the right makes a very subtle, non-hateful, non-homophobic joke, a silly joke, and he has to be not just demonetized.
No, no, no, no.
He has to be deplatformed.
Yet, mainstream Comedy Central jokes about mass murder, mass raping people based on their race.
Policy against content that makes hurtful and negative personal comments, videos about another person.
Call the joke, you comedian.
But instead of enforcing that, they simply demonetize Maza's Harasser's channel, which forbids the user from getting a cut of the game.
You notice they say Mazza's Harassers Channel because they don't want to promote Steven Crowder.
That's the game here.
And by the way, with the South African joke earlier, I don't want anyone deplatformed.
I don't want Jeff Ross's show canceled.
I don't want anyone to not have the right to speak.
I want the free speech includes me being offended.
And yeah, I was offended by that South African thing.
But you'll notice these people, they want blood.
They want Steven Crowder to be eradicated.
You can't joke against them.
And they can joke against you.
This is a comedian talking about getting rid of jokes.
It's the same with all these journalists talking about deplatforming people.
Lady, your job is jokes.
I know you think you're getting rid of the competition, but all you're doing is making it dangerous for you.
You're next.
It's like a butcher going to a PETA rally.
Thank you for that woody analogy.
There's also another one in the Abraham Lincoln one where he was like, somebody didn't like me and they went up and shot me.
And he's like, if there's something like that going on and your president's oppressive, go out and do something.
Something like that.
I got to find it.
It's another life and death joke.
Not a Lisp joke.
Kill the president.
Yeah.
Don't offend Carlos Maza, but you can kill the president.
And white South Africa.
Seems consistent to me.
Well, there is a consistency here.
It's straight white males.
They're not kicking him out.
They're just cutting off his allowance.
Talk about LGBTQ allyship.
Yes, YouTube.
Just keep all that homophobia money for yourself.
But there are lots of other racist and homophobic channels.
Just pause.
Just keep all that racist homophobic money for yourself.
He's demonetized.
So there's no ad money.
YouTube isn't getting rich off of Steven Crowder's hateful jokes, you silly cow.
All right.
There's still a lot more racist homophobic channels, though.
YouTube and not all of their victims have Carlos Maz's platform.
Most of YouTube's fucked up culture war is taking place on the margins, and it pays to be there.
So Ben Shapiro, Dana Lash, and I are examples of more.
Like, how is Dana Lash a racist homophobe?
How is Ben Shapiro a racist homophobe?
Those guys don't even make jokes.
I make jokes like Steven does.
So you could be stupid enough to think that I'm the bad guy.
And by the way, The Rebel was demonetized to the tune of 90%.
Dana Lash doesn't make her money off YouTube.
She makes her money from being an NRA spokesman.
Is she still doing that?
And finally, Ben Shapiro has subscribers because you demonetized him.
Says this person who is getting paid to sit there and shit on the right.
Wow, the hypocrisy.
I guess.
And it pays to be there.
And in explaining the decisions of who gets to stay and who gets to go, YouTube also inadvertently gives instructions for how to work around those rules.
Like how they said that using racial, homophobic, or sexist epithets on their own don't necessarily violate policies and they'll only remove videos for which the primary purpose is hate or harassment.
Oh my god!
Super helpful!
It's like if the first rule was so she wants you to be unable to use any kind of word like fag in a joke.
Do you know how badly the left would be slaughtered by that rule?
Do you know how many gay comedy channels would be obliterated if you couldn't use epithets?
Do you know how many rap songs would vanish if you couldn't use racial epithets?
What kind of world do they want?
They'll be the first to go.
We're already pretty clean.
You guys are the filthy ones.
If you start enforcing, no, it's not just the general.
It's even any word.
I don't care what the context was.
Any word that I find offensive, get rid of their channel.
Okay.
Buy black channels, buy black Twitter, buy black YouTube, buy gay YouTube, buy trans.
Like all of those are going to be the first to go.
Those are the ones using those words.
There are no videos on YouTube where they're like, Philip, thanks for tuning in.
Today we're going to talk about Carlos Mezzo.
That guy's a gay and a Mexican.
And if there's two things we need to get rid of, it's gay Mexicans.
So let's get started with our plan to get rid of all the gay Mexic.
That's not around.
So they don't, and they need that because that defines their whole ethos.
They need to say hate has no home here.
So there has to be hate.
So what do they do?
Well, they just leave and go into Joketown and go, that's just as bad as the fictional Southerner I just did.
So get rid of him too.
Get rid of Dana Lash, Ben Shapiro, Gavin McInnes, and Steven Crowder.
Wow.
Talk about Fight Club, but the second rule was, but here are some ways you can still legally discuss Fight Club.
YouTube won't proactively address the problems of their algorithm for one reason.
Their business model depends on it.
You know, you'll notice that her stature is like this, and she's doing this sort of a weird, like bendy-down-y thing.
And if you look at Carlos Maza, he also has this thing where he's like this.
Every time he talks, he's pulling his hands down.
You know what that is?
It's a sign of insecurity.
It's someone who's been put into a position where they normally wouldn't be.
Samantha B got a show on TBS before they knew what the pitch was.
They just went, ah, you're on Daily Show.
You're a woman.
You're a liberal.
You're in.
So they made her urine.
No, they made her the stalwart of TBS.
You're in, babe.
You could do anything you want.
Do a documentary on diapers.
You're solidified.
It's affirmative action.
Similarly, Carlos Mazza, they need Hispanics.
They need gay.
They go, great.
This is two birds with one stone.
Get him on.
Now, you look at Norm McDonald, who deserves to be there.
The guy is unbelievably smooth and hilarious.
And you think, there's someone who deserves to be in a location.
You can tell by the way they talk, their demeanor, their posture.
They don't go like this and they don't hunch over like weird little monsters.
But the insecure, when they're put in a position, they have little tells.
And it's not just their body language.
They also say like and they have an interrogative tone where they feel like they don't really belong there.
So if you're sure that two and two is four and someone asks you, they go, what's two and two?
And you go, oh, that's four.
Yeah.
You just add up the twos and they get to four.
It's not quite five.
But if you aren't really sure what you're talking about and don't really belong there, they go, what's two plus two?
And you go, basically, it's like, it's not as big as you would think it would be.
And It's definitely not 22.
It's like, I would think that it would be four.
Yeah, it's almost definitely four.
Two and two is four.
Yeah.
We caught you being insecure.
Speaking of insecure, I want to talk about Barbie Benton's tits for a second here.
Bill Cosby seems to be back in the news quite a bit.
Like they say that he's not America's dad anymore.
And yeah, we knew that.
We knew he's unpopular.
Ever since Hannibal Burris made a joke about him gang raping.
Not gang raping, but serial raping.
Chicks, everyone knew that.
Everyone in entertainment knew that.
That's the irritating thing about all this sanctimonious social justice shit.
You knew that Harvey Weinstein was a pig.
There's a term called the casting couch.
Ever heard of it before?
So you knowingly joined this world where it's corrupt and women use sex to get jobs.
And then when Hannibal Burris points it out in a comedy routine, all of a sudden you go, I've had enough of this.
You're done with the raping.
Why'd you let it go on for so long?
And by the way, why did you do it?
Like, why did you go on a casting couch, let Harvey Weinstein, or Louis C.K. for that matter, beat off in front of you, and then take the job?
You did a fair trade deal there.
I mean, unless you were crying after and called the cops, you're just a very expensive prostitute who was well rewarded.
Sorry.
Anyway, so this headline says, go to the Bill Cosby chicks.
And they talk about Bill Cosby was a regular at the Playboy Mansion.
And Barbie Benton was there.
Barbie Benton says, Barbie Benton, by the way, was when I was a kid, she was considered the hottest woman in the world.
And I think she shaped our interest in girls because we were like 8, 9, 10, 11 building our libidos unknowingly, of course.
And she was there on all the pictures and everything.
So when you finally get your testosterone, you think of the chick you kept seeing.
Farah Fawcett was another one.
They all have these cute little button noses.
But go back to the article.
So in it, they're saying that Benton Now said that Bill Cosby wasn't known what he was doing.
And apparently there were these two teenage girls there.
Go down.
God, the ads on dailymail.uk are mental.
Bill Cosby had a regular Playboy Bunny girlfriend within just four years of his marriage to his long-suffering wife, Camille.
The Philandering Comic was a regular best friend Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, not just to hang out with the pretty girls who could meet up twice a week.
Sorry, just to hang with the pretty girls with twice a week Triss with his lover.
The claim comes from Barbie Benton, Hefner's longtime girlfriend in the 60s and 70s.
Now, these girls were in their teens, right?
And it makes you wonder, why were those teenage girls at the Playboy Mansion?
Where are the parents?
It goes back to the Michael Jackson thing.
Why did you let your little kid sleep over at Michael Jackson's house?
And by the way, that couple that took a $20 million payout, your son is a very expensive prostitute and you're a pimp.
Or the woman who left her 13-year-old daughter with Roman Polanski when she was then drugged and raped.
And this isn't mentioned anywhere in the story.
Same with I did that video, Rockstars Are Pedophiles, where I talked about Jimmy Page and Robert Plant and David Bowie and all these guys that had this same 14-year-old groupie.
And I'm thinking, where is that woman's mother?
Go back to the Playboy Mansion article.
I was 18.
I wasn't, what's she doing there at 18?
Don't even let your daughter go there at 18.
It was a different time.
It was a pro-pedophilia time.
It was okay to screw 14-year-old girls in the 70s and 80s.
What a disgusting culture we had.
So anyway, scroll down through the pictures there.
So there's Barbie Benton, considered the hottest woman in the world.
And I thought, I don't really remember seeing her nude.
I remember seeing her on TV and stuff.
But go back.
Is that, oh, at the 1970 Academy Awards?
That's the day I was born.
So she must have been like 30 while I was starting to like girls.
So Judy Huth sues.
There's going to be a million ads, don't bother.
And then I thought, I don't remember seeing her nude.
Now, warning, nudity alert coming up.
We're about to show you.
Oh, go back.
Go back.
There's Roman Polanski.
There's Roman Polanski, the rapist, next to Hugh Hefter and Barbie Benton.
So I looked up her boobs.
And I'm sorry, if you have kids in the room, please get rid of them.
You're about to see nudity.
This is about to become R-rated.
But check out her boobs.
Aren't those the weirdest hits you've ever seen?
Yeah, those are odd.
Have you ever come across Puffy Nipples?
I've seen those types of.
Puffy nipples.
Just the song.
So gentle and so free.
Puffy nipples.
Oh, I thought you were doing puffy nipples in my wine.
That's a different picture, dude.
Yeah, look at those.
Some guys are real sensitive about nipples, and they're like, sorry if it's not a silver dollar.
I've never really cared about nipples.
Like, if they're this big, I don't really care.
If they don't even have a beginning, a middle, and an end, it's not a concern for me.
I'm not a nipple guy, but some dudes are obsessed with it.
Those are very unusual nipples.
I think we were more accepting back in the 70s.
You know, with the full bush and everything.
Oh, she had to have them photographed dead on.
Yeah, that's what it is.
So, you know, I also kept looking her up and I realized, so she has that non-existent nose, right?
And who does she marry?
She marries a guy with one of the biggest schnazes known to man.
Looks like Sarah Silverman's dad.
And is it possible that when we meet someone, we look for opposite traits?
So if you're super short, like five feet, you're going to be attracted to someone that's six feet tall, or whatever, seven feet tall, so you make a normal person.
Is it possible we subliminally want to correct our features?
I mean, I have no chin.
My wife has a chin.
She's got mile high cheekbones.
I have nothing but a thumb for a face.
And also, personality-wise, like my mom's a bitch, and I think she knows that she needs taming.
So she married an asshole who could not keep her in check.
That sounds like slap her around, but handle the fireball that is my mom.
And I look at the daughter of Barbie Benton.
This is the news.
You're watching the news right now.
And she's got a normal nose.
So Barbie took her weird, non-existent nose.
She married the biggest schnaz in America, and she made a perfectly reasonable nose.
That's God.
You think so?
Well, it also, if that is a trait that we have, then it means we're getting more attractive.
And that's something I have heard before, that we're getting prettier.
I feel pretty.
Oh, so pretty.
Oh, so pretty and witty and...
Okay, this one is pretty insane.
You know, we have so much faith in the government, and I always say that the White House is just a big, huge DMV.
This document came out this morning where the, not this morning, but on the weekend, where the FBI was listing some illegal activity they had uncovered.
The only problem is those dumbasses left, took screenshots from the computer.
They were putting up the illegal stuff.
So it's illegal activity, illegal activity, and the IP says you on it.
Meaning the FBI went in, committed illegal acts, and then screen grabbed them and said, hey guys, we caught some illegal acts.
Yeah, it says you.
You did those.
Oh shit, I should have done it from a different computer.
Are you finding that yet?
FBI rats themselves out.
There should be a search button on your.
The FBI went to 8Chan and posted criminal activity, but then screencrapped the UI and didn't change IP addresses, so it shows the crimes as you.
Click on that?
This is why we have to have no faith.
And I love cops.
If cops come to your house and they don't have a warrant, don't let them in.
Don't make their job easier.
Going through the 8Chan affidavit, not only do they print out and then rescan screenshots of the poll thread, but there are several you's in the thread.
God, our intelligence community has never been more incompetent.
Now, can you zoom in on that?
Look, they got Sam Hyde involved.
Yeah.
You know what I think would be a good thing for free speech to show when we have the two different people?
What about Barry Weiss, who is that sort of darling conservative of the left, and Sam Hyde?
That's fun.
Wouldn't that be a cute one?
Wouldn't that be exciting?
Also in the news, speaking of losers, impeach Trump.
There was Impeach Trump rallies all weekend, and they were a total and utter failure.
The Trump hatred is big online.
It's not big in real life.
This is why he won.
The media just loved crapping on him and saying he's a loser and a nightmare.
But out there in the real world where people have jobs and don't have time to answer polls and are working for a living, they all still love him.
He's going to get reelected.
He was even hinting this weekend of a third term.
Nice.
He goes, you know, you know, you guys could demand a third term, frankly.
And I'm not sure I'd be able to stop you.
I couldn't stop you.
But check out the rallies.
Look at how sad they are.
I hate seeing men at these rallies.
It's like that Wally Alid is a newscaster in Australia, who I can just tell he has one of the smallest penises known to man.
And his wife has converted to Islam for him.
So it's this tall white blonde, but with the burqa on and the headdress, and she just looks so ridiculous.
You don't look ridiculous when you convert to Orthodox Judaism.
You look refined like Ivanka Trump.
But when you convert to Islam as a white woman, you look silly.
I'm sorry.
It looks like you're going back in time.
Let's see some pics.
Ooh, that one looks fun.
Look at all those people partying.
You know they left a huge mess, too.
Those 50 people left a mess of 500 when they left.
That is the mess.
And you know that they're cropping these photos to try to make it look bigger than it is.
So they're really cramming people in.
And then, yeah, look at that guy.
Nobody is above the law.
That's like Wally Alid or whatever his name is, his wife.
I hate seeing men at anti-Trump rallies.
They look like such cucks, don't they?
They look like such pussies.
It's like the guys who let their wives put a hate has no home here sign on their lawn, and they don't really believe it, but they're like, that's her hobby.
That's what she likes to do.
So I'll just cuck my lawn.
Should cut your lawn, not cuck your lawn.
Look at that.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten people.
God, they work so hard on their floats and everything with their pussy hats.
Oh, that one's not bad.
That's got maybe 80.
I think they just hijacked a line for Chipotle or something.
Stuck some signs in the crowd.
Can you hold this for a second?
Just ran away.
Impeached now.
What is the charge again?
Colluding with Russia?
And then doesn't Pence take over?
Yeah.
No, they talk about that all the time.
It's such a given that Trump is going to jail that they're now planning on what to do about President Pence.
Oh, they're already planning that out.
Okay.
Mental patience.
I think we have time for the mailbag, my friend.
We haven't done it in a while.
It has been a while for the mail.
How dare you say it?
Yeah.
Oof, oof, ah.
So you should just be getting that up any second now.
Yeah.
And cutting to that, making that full screen.
And that's the way, that's how we do.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag Let me touch it Here's a fun Letter.
Both our letters are about trannies today.
This is from a guy named Shep, and it's kind of long.
So maybe just cut to tranny footage or something like they do on Tucker.
Okay.
Got a two-for-one for you.
Getting fired for my views and proof trannies are mentally ill gays.
I worked at a comics bookstore in the UK for a while.
It was diverse in the worst way possible.
Lots of rainbow-haired teenage queers, feminists, and beta males.
The manager was a good guy, and so was my direct boss in the books department.
I like comics but hate superheroes.
But my team consisted of an asexual blob of a wet blanket and a feminist gender studies graduate.
God, can you imagine working at a comic store with these people?
I also shared an office with a part-time security guard, an Army Reserve reject, who I could share banter with and discuss the news.
Two years in, around the time of the lead to the 2016 elections, work was getting monotonous.
So I took to staying in the office, reading hours of news on the computer.
My political views are all over the place.
I wouldn't say I'm right-wing, blah, blah, blah.
Didn't even care too much about his policies.
He just wasn't Hillary.
That's why I liked him.
When Trump won, I didn't gloat.
I just pointed out the reasons why he won.
However, it was a discussion about Pakistan months later with the security guard that got me in big trouble.
Someone was about to be executed for blasphemy, and I theorized that it was the rampant inbreeding in Pakistan that leads to this kind of insanity.
By the way, folks, if you're ever going to bring this up, make sure you use a source that has a Muslim name.
If they see a white person writing the article, they will not take it seriously.
And when they see a Muslim writing article, they go, oh, good, let my people pee?
Did we say you can't pee?
The focus then moved on to how the inbreeding exists in the UK and it negatively affects the children.
Nearly half of all congenital defects occur within the Pakistani community in the UK, despite making up a small fraction of the population.
The feminist overheard this conversation and proceeded to tell the only Pakistani in the company.
It's just a hate fact.
They told the assistant manager, an aging rainbow-haired cum stain of an individual, and I was called into the office for supposedly saying that all Pakistanis are inbred.
Something they didn't say.
And this, by the way, is what we saw with Crowder on Samantha Bee.
Where'd you get this?
Is this YouTube?
Yep.
YouTube show boob boobs?
I don't know if that was a male rack or female rack.
Okay.
Yeah, children.
Miles is going to do a video about that South African thing and also a video about these children at these things.
These things are a celebration of sex.
And they're very open about that.
They're celebrating their sexual proclivity.
Don't bring children to a sexual event.
Especially not an event where they're so indignant about their sexuality being restricted that they act it out and get nude and perform fellatio and photograph each other's penises.
Kids shouldn't see old men's penises.
Call me a square.
Call me a homophobe.
That's more of Samantha B's homophobia you're seeing there.
Yeah, the only way they can win or catch us cheating is to pretend our jokes are true or to take things out of context because they can't win idea versus idea.
I was to be suspended until they could figure out what to do with me.
I immediately said that if my coworkers, who I actually had a cordial relationship with, despite our differing political views, are willing to take a private conversation out of context and attempt to get me fired, then I quit.
That's it.
Get fired.
Without saying goodbye to anyone, I cleaned up my locker and left.
Within the week, I had another job at Better Pay.
About a year passes, and one of the few people who still contact me, one of the less colorful feminists, funnily enough, told me that the security guard was now a woman.
When I left, he was about to be married and spent a lot of his time flirting with the female staff.
So this bald, 6'2 ⁇ , 300-pound soldier who voted conservative and his solution to the Middle East was to drop a nuke on it, was now a redhead woman who dressed in burlesque-type gear and high heels.
I'd always known he wasn't quite right.
His legs were always shaved.
He enjoyed Dita Von Ts a little too much, and his views on trainees in locker rooms and bathrooms was at odds with other conservatives.
He also touched upon how he might be bisexual.
The coworkers accepted it and embraced it.
Nothing wrong with that, by the way.
We don't have a problem with coworkers embracing your bisexuality, even though I personally believe it's a myth.
You're either gay or straight.
That was until the flirting became an excuse to perv on the female staff and talk about their tits to them.
Then he just disappeared after posting some disturbing things on Instagram.
People were worried.
Did he kill himself?
No, he was on the run from police after stalking his now ex-fiancé.
His story made the news.
You got that news link?
And amongst all the concern posts on his Instagram were comments about how he was not a good person and not who he said he was.
Eventually, he was caught by police and institutionalized.
Conveniently enough, he had been hiding by reverting back to his regular male self.
Trans Crime UK is quite the eye-opener.
Sorry for the length.
I bet he'll hear that in prison.
I don't like those rape jokes.
Yeah, there he is.
Yearlong is jailed for 15 months.
Can you scroll down?
Can we see this giant guy?
Gorgeosity.
Love it.
That's a woman, in case you're curious.
Yes.
That looks like someone who's really good at oil painting, but not really good at drawing chicks.
It looks like a beautiful oil painting by someone who just doesn't quite have it right.
By the way, his nose has been broken.
It's the same as mine.
It's got that little tweak at the end.
It looks like the SeaWorld trainer and 41st Dates.
I don't know what that means.
It's an Adam Sandler movie.
Oh, right, right, right.
I like you very much.
I'd like to take you on date.
Looks like exactly like that.
What's transcrimeuk.com?
Well, let's take a peek.
Let's take a pee-peek.
Oh, she's on that registry.
Huh.
So there's a whole registry of trans criminals?
Yeah, Transcrime UK.
Holy crap.
Just click somewhere on the main.
Let's see the homepage.
2015 conviction sound good?
That sounds fun.
All right, let's go down this rabbit hole.
Wow.
Those are all the mug shots.
Oh, wow, that's great.
Is this a hate fact that this exists?
I'm surprised Britain allows such a thing.
Murder attempted this.
This looks like it's full of hate facts.
This is the outside.
And they say that there's a lot of violence in the trans community.
Maybe it's because they're mentally ill and they're getting in fights.
Oh, whoa.
What?
Sexual offenses, nine, seven with child victims, two with adult.
Do we have a picture of this person?
This is one of them.
Nicole Cope.
I don't see no pick.
There's no pic for that one.
Let's see if we can.
Derek Hooley.
Oh, there's one.
I don't like Derek Hooley at all.
Oh, it's a male transvestite.
Convicted of 12 offenses of indecent assault and indecency with a male child.
Five charges against a female child, including indecent assault and indecency with a child, yada yada yada.
You're not necessarily a lunatic if you want to dress up like a woman, but if you are a lunatic, it would make sense that you might want to dress up like a woman.
Right.
All right, this one's an interesting letter.
I'm sorry it's so long.
This is a dyke letter.
It says dyke letter.
I'm not calling her a dike.
I wouldn't dare.
I asked her if she's a trans-exclusionary radical feminist, a TERF, because I said, I can sympathize with TERFs.
They sort of have the same views as I, which is you can't just be a woman.
You can't just say I'm abroad.
You know what a woman has been through through her childhood, through the mean girl stuff and queen bees and wannabes and that whole phase and the dolly phase and is she going to get into sports, not getting into sports?
She gets her first period.
She gets all these feelings, the intense roller coaster ride of depression and ups and downs.
Basically, they're bipolar when they start their period.
Going through all that, developing breasts, getting teased for their breasts.
And then they, you know, get dumped.
It breaks their heart.
They're so emotional.
It's horrible.
She thought this was going to be the one.
She thought they were going to be married.
He cheated on her.
And there she is, a 29-year-old woman.
She's been through all of that.
And then I just walk up, shave my beard, put on a wig.
Hi.
Can you believe this shit?
What a day.
Are you coming to the women's march with me?
And naturally, you're going to have an aversion.
I mean, we have this aversion with everything.
Hunters, if you're a new guy when you show up.
Boxers, you go to the gym.
Hey, guys.
I mean, it's called stolen valor.
Being trans is stolen valor.
Anyway, this lesbian, a lot of letters from Britain, has a theory about the trans community.
I've spent a lot of time around gay men, and most gays are cool, but I have to say, the only sexism I've experienced has been by gay men, never straight men.
I'm what most would call a lipstick dyke, so most people meeting me just assume I'm straight.
I've noticed some gay men in my time, once they found out I'm a dyke, they didn't want to know.
I've had straight men who initially showed interest because they were hitting on me, but once they found out I'm gay, they were nice as pie.
Never had a problem with straight ones.
But I've had some gay ones completely drop me or pretend they didn't know me once they found out.
And I think it's because some gay men have this complex with women.
All this tranny love BS in the media and on TV, along with this weird adoring obsession with drag queens nowadays, have you noticed that?
She says, is just bitter gay men.
This is a theory.
Is just bitter gay men who want to show the girls how it's really done because they can do it so much better, bitches.
She's putting that in quotes.
It seems like young girls are being brainwashed into thinking that gay men have a monopoly on femininity and glamour.
Drag and cross-dressing back in the day used to come from a reverence that gay men had for women and wanted to imitate slash exaggerate our characteristics that they admired.
But through the years of constantly telling gays that they are special in our culture and going over the top with the whole gay acceptance thing, it's gone to some of their heads.
And now they think they own womanhood.
It's difficult to put into words, but I definitely feel this weird misogyny superiority vibe from the gays now.
And it's a type of misogyny that never gets talked about along with black male misogyny.
Black male misogyny.
All right.
This kind of sums up what I'm trying to say.
Go back to the letter and click on this link.
It's a song by RuPaul about us women and how we have to step up our pussy.
Come on, girls.
You're really blowing it.
This is how it's done.
Boobies, boobies.
Kind of a vagina.
Oh, I wish it was a video.
Come on, girls.
Watch me work.
Watch me walk.
All right now, all you biological females who used to have the upper hand, it ain't like that no more, honey.
It's just got real tough up in here.
You got your trisexual.
You got your bisexual.
You got your intersexual.
Girl, you have to step your pussy up.
Get these bitches out of here.
You gotta step your pussy up, girl.
There's a fan-made video.
Look, ladies, I met men-made videos.
This is how it's done.
Men-made video.
Okay?
You put on your makeup, you don't look hot.
Your shoulders are too slim.
This pet you say cunt?
This is how you be sexy, ladies.
Take, look.
You see?
It's very simple.
That is how it's done.
And by the way, let's get some kids involved in this.
Let's have them read stories to the kids at the library.
They're taking over all woman stuff, like the sweet old ladies that used to read stories at the library.
I'll handle that.
Give me this book, bitch.
Here's how it's done.
Once there was like a little bear or some shit, and he was like running around.
Everyone was mean to him, just like they're mean to me.
And then one day he was like, fuck it, girl, I'm fighting back.
And that bear showed all the other bitches how to get it done.
Woo!
All right, let's all dance.
Let's twerk, twerk it, twerk it, twerk it.
All right.
Dude, if they let them like use the female bathrooms, dude, those lines for the female bathrooms are always so long already.
Yeah.
Yeesh.
And ladies, he may identify as female, but I don't think his colon does.
And when we're hungover, we do things to bathrooms that are.
One time my friend Steve was so baked that he went into the ladies' bathroom and started having an uproarious diarrhea.
And he thought he was surrounded by dudes.
So he's like, oh, whoa.
Ooh, that's a brutal.
And then he was like, and he's like, oh, God.
Whoa.
And then he expected to come out of the stall and have a bunch of dudes going, dude, did you, what did you eat?
Do you have rats dying in there?
What the hell?
What did you just come back from India?
And it was all just women putting on lipstick going, horrified.
That joke, well, that true story that's hilarious is about to become your reality, girl.
And you asked for it.
All right.
Final video.
I don't like rape jokes, especially in prison.
However, like the whole idea of men getting raped, don't drop the soap.
Your ass is going to get torn to shreds.
Actually, we just did one in the letters page, right?
Where they said, how long is it?
It's going to be something he'll hear in prison.
So we've already done one on this show.
Oh, he said, I thought you added that in there.
No.
Oh, okay.
No, no.
I don't do that joke.
Right.
I thought that you did it and said you didn't like it, but okay.
I think this is an exception.
This is a gentleman.
I've watched plenty of his other videos.
He's not kidding.
He's a mentally ill dog trainer.
And Bigfoot used me to have a baby.
Grown man cries.
I don't think this guy's kidding.
I've looked at about 10 of his videos.
They're all about dog training.
And all of that red you see in the bottom, he was talking about his cocker spaniel and how people think they're wussy dogs, but they're actually just, they look wussy because of their hair.
But they're actually badasses who love the cold and love the mud.
And that's typical of his videos.
But in this one, he went off at a tangent about a raping that happened right there, wherein female Sasquatch, I guess, forced him to get hard.
I don't know how she did that.
Put on makeup and said, this is how you do it, girls.
Step aside.
Yeah, the Sasquatch got lessons from RuPaul on how to be sexy.
All right, let's check him out.
It just brings it all back.
I got PTSD, so I'm watching TV and I see this about our president molesting people, and I'm thinking, I've been molested.
You know, nobody wants to help me.
I've been molested by a Sasquatch.
And I know a lot of people are saying that it wasn't a female Sasquatch, that it was a male Sasquatch.
And it wasn't.
It was a female.
I'm not gay.
I'm not.
Oh, hold on.
Nothing like that.
Just to be clear here, if you've seen the movie Deliverance, if you're raped by a man, it's okay.
You're not gay.
Yeah.
We weren't.
First of all, we're freaked out that there's a Sasquatch.
But when we find out that it was a rape, we're horrified.
And then we don't stop and go, wait a minute.
Is it a dude or a chick?
Because if it's a dude, you're a fag.
You need to get the hell out of here.
If it's a chick, that's kind of badass, but I feel sorry for you.
The next time he's at a bar and there's some big girl there, some six-foot-tall blonde.
He's like, I wouldn't mind climbing that tree.
And he's like, dude, I fuck Sasquatch.
Okay.
So you can screw all the tall chicks you want.
I've had sex with a nine-foot-tall chewy.
So boring.
Probably eight.
Maybe eight.
Yeah.
It was a female Sasquatch.
I didn't want it to happen.
I was back here minding my own business looking for my dog.
I was.
I was looking for my dog.
And it's like she barreled out of the out of the bushes and knocked me over and started pulling my pants off.
It felt good.
I admit it.
It felt good.
I blew my loan.
It's horrible.
I don't know how I'm going to get over this.
QP, what am I going to do?
Wait, this is a joke, right?
I think this is his idea of what's funny.
See, Anthony Key just needs to stick to being in the Red Hot Chili Peppers and cut this out.
But if this is a joke, it's his only joke on his whole channel.
Yeah, that is weird.
That was a huge mistake.
The worst part about it was, was that, yeah, it did feel good.
That's why, but it was biological.
I just blew my loan because I had to.
I got had no choice.
She got on top of me and was riding at home.
But wait a minute.
Pause it again.
This guy's videos are all serious videos about dog training.
Go to his channel.
Okay.
So for him to have a professional business where he trains dogs and then in one of the 50 videos joke that he was raped by a female Sasquatch, that's almost just as weird as him believing it to be true.
Agreed.
Like, look at all his other videos.
Why aren't you on his page?
Yeah, look, that's him training to put a thing in a bucket.
And scroll down, they're all like, here's my dog here, and he's now sitting on a little pedestal, doohickey.
Oh, there's a Bigfoot one, another Bigfoot one.
Bigfoot seen by many in rural community.
Just click on that one for a sec.
Bigfoot head frozen since 1968.
Right up in that tree line.
That's right.
Boy, we're going to feel dumb if Sasquatch exists, aren't we?
And it really is like.
And Sasquatch exists, and he, there's a male and a female, and the female can speak.
And we question her about this guy, and she's like, Yeah, I felt really bad about that.
I ripped his pants off.
That's a dog training guy, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember that.
Oh, is that his Sasquatch head?
When my father passed away, that was given to me.
This guy's a fucking liar.
It's been very expensive for my father, my family to keep the Bigfoot frozen for that many years.
Electricity in the summer.
Freezer.
Put it in the basement.
It doesn't get hot down there.
I'll pay for it.
You know, it was several layers to keep it.
You know, it looks in pretty good shape considering frozen forcing.
I don't see any eyes, nose, or mouth.
It looks like a hunk of bear.
A hunk of hunk of frozen bear.
What do you got there?
120.
Oh, whoa.
So I can't do it myself.
I have to have somebody help me move it.
Look at this.
We've just seen Sasquatch's head.
Still have leaves on it?
So wait a minute.
Maybe Sasquatch's wife raped you because you chopped her husband's head off.
There you go.
And she wants it back for the ceremony.
You're welcome, sir.
That guy shouldn't train dogs anymore.
That word should get out.
He'd train liars.
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