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May 17, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
57:00
S02E10 - FINALLY, NICK
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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
All the stories you were told of the kings and days of old, but there's no England now.
There's no England now.
All the lies you were told.
All the lies are told.
That's the kinks, right?
Living on a thin line.
Is there no England now?
There will be no England if Tommy Robinson is not elected to Parliament, which by the time you see this, will already know.
My gut says no.
My gut says he will lose, and that's too bad.
It would have been epic, Tommy.
It would have been.
So you know what's going on.
He's running for basically the British equivalent of Congress, where he'll be a representative representing Britain in the European Parliament, and it will be done as an F you to the people who refused Brexit.
I don't think Americans realize how big of a deal the Brexit refusal was.
It would be like the Mueller report came out and said Trump is innocent, and now he's just right now being prosecuted for collusion with Russia.
It's the opposite of the evidence.
The evidence had British people saying, no, we don't want this.
And then the British government going, well, you're getting it.
You're getting the European Union.
By the way, I'm wearing my little Beano outfit to commemorate the, what is it, the 50th anniversary of Dennis the Menace?
I just made up that number, by the way.
You don't have to celebrate 50th anniversaries on the exact day.
It could be the 57th year.
But I grew up with these comics, these British comics.
My grandfather from Scotland would send them to me in a big tube with like 100 of them every few months.
It was heaven.
There'd be candy in there and stuff.
God, it was the best.
But I decided I want to become a cartoonist.
And I was from, you know, when I left college till 21 or two, I said, I'm a cartoonist.
And then I realized you can't make any money.
There's no way I could ever have a family being a cartoonist.
I'd be doomed.
So I gave it up.
Actually, no, I gave it up after I did it with Vice for a while.
That's how I started at Vice as a cartoonist.
And then I thought it was more fun to write and do real stuff.
It's a very esoteric pursuit, comics.
We've got a lot to do.
I want to check in on Nick DiPaulo today.
How are we doing for Tazim?
Tazim?
Tazim?
30.
Okay.
I want to see if you can call Nick DiPaulo at some point.
And I want to call Sabo.
There's a lot going on this weekend.
Did you see what he did?
Trump called Pete Buddy Gig Alfred E. Newman.
And Sabo made a poster of it that is awesome.
And the thing I love about it is Pete Buddy Gig is, to quote General Akbar, a trap.
They want you to say, that guy's a fag.
And now you look like a traditionalist.
In fact, AOC said that.
She said, the GOP, they're basically Dwight Schrute.
That's what they're going for.
We're the squares.
We're the losers.
We are freaked out by gays.
And Trump refused to take the bait.
And he goes, no, he's Alfred E. Newman.
Yeah, look at this.
We're Dwight Truth.
No, lady, you are popular.
We are the outcasts.
I'm banned from all social media.
I remember one time some artist, like cartoonist Nate Turbo, he said, this is me when Gavin McInnis appears in my feeds.
And it had John Belushi smashing the guitar, that scene in Animal House, you know, when he's walking down the stairs.
See if you can find that.
And I said to Nate, who I used to be kind of okay with, what are you doing?
No, don't find the tweet.
Find the Animal House acoustic guitar scene.
Okay.
I said, sorry, dude.
Who's banned from campus?
Who's on double secret probation?
I am literally on double secret probation with YouTube right now.
So that's what Animal House we're on.
That's, what was their threat called?
Alpha Beta Phi or something?
We are Animal House.
That's us.
That's Laura Loomer and Alex Jones and Paul Joseph Watson and Jack Pasovic and Mike Cernovich.
That's us right there smashing that guitar.
You, AOC and the DNC, you're the pussies with the guitar.
I'm sorry.
And you try to fight us and you try to trick us by throwing a gay in our face and you think we're going to go, we're dwight trute.
We're scared of days.
And we turn him into Alfred E. Newman.
And we're going to talk to Sabo, who did that poster.
Have you got the Sabo poster?
Yeah, there it is.
For Pete's sake.
He's so good.
Yeah.
So not only do we not take the bait, but we tricked, and I'll get into that with Sabo about how Pete ended up looking like a buffoon because he's never heard of Alfred E. Newman.
And he pretended that's.
Alfred E. Newman's still going strong, folks.
It's not an old-fashioned thing.
And if you don't know who he is, you don't have any kids in your life.
And if you don't have any kids in your life, you're not a good president.
There, I said it.
No one should be president of this country if they're not married with children.
And I think they should be Christian, too.
75% of this country is Christian.
If you're going to be the president of Pakistan, the prime minister of Pakistan, you should be Muslim.
In other news, Sarah Silverman showed her tits this weekend.
They're great.
Sarah Silverman posted a photo of Naked Breast Instagram to make a critical point.
Critical point.
Crucial.
I'm a feminist.
This is when I get to be a feminist.
We would like to see more tits, please.
You see them in New York, too, going, we want the right to be barechested.
And it's totally And utterly legal in New York City.
So I don't know what you're protesting, fat lesbians.
And here's another thing: men like to see boobies.
So we want you to do that.
But, and this is something feminists are having a lot of trouble understanding: women are different than men.
Did you know that?
Women are sexually attractive.
A woman's bum bum looks different than a man's bum bum.
That's why you don't see women mooning very much.
When a man moons, it's funny.
When a woman moons, oh, that's what she put up too.
When a woman moons, it's erotic.
Because women are attractive.
They are more likely to be sex objects than men.
Doy.
Let's go see the picture, though, because I want to talk about tits for a second.
It's on the same post.
You just scroll down.
You can see there they are.
Now, she's old.
I think she's older than me even.
I think she might be 50.
Those are great tits for a 50-year-old.
Now, I know you youngsters don't like anything that's not two basketballs, but you'll mature.
You'll get to this level of gourmand, where we have a much wider spectrum of boob tastes.
And we love those.
No, let's keep them going.
And we can have it on the show.
It doesn't count as nudity because it's a political statement.
And it brings the question, I think, to most men's mind, why do Jews always have such great tits?
Hispanic women tend to have big tits, but they're good and bad, and there's often droopers.
But Jewish women, like Scarlett Johansson, or remember Punky Brewster?
She was a cute little child actress that grew into a woman with tits bigger than this entire studio.
The biggest tits in the world.
Guinness World Records tits.
Guinness World Record tits.
Like tits you wouldn't want as a husband or as the owner.
Backbreaking tits she had.
She had medical emergency tits.
But find her picture of her with her big boobs.
She's since had them reduced.
Yeah, that's her now.
They're normal.
But just look up Punky Booster Big Tits, you dumbass.
Why are you being so bad at your job today?
Trying to find...
Not good.
Would you like that?
See, the problem with those on your wife is people come over for dinner and for a Christmas party or something, and you know all the dads are thinking about you and what you do with those and how lucky you are.
And it's like the elephants in the room.
It's constantly on everyone's mind.
Anyway, look her up.
Is she Jewish?
Because that would really drive my point home.
Solile moon fry.
Solile.
It's called Soleil.
It's French for sun.
Oh.
And I could criticize you for not going to college, but they don't learn stuff like that in college.
What's your...
Uh-huh.
Jew score eight.
That's pretty high.
Aren't you just Jewish or not?
No.
I mean, see, I think.
This better not be some white power cycle.
We just advertise.
But Hasid's are a 10, you know, and she's an eight.
Right?
Becoming Jewish is a big ordeal.
Ivanka Trump, it took her a long time.
She was in two.
It's not like being trans, or you just go, I'm a woman.
Right.
So just find out her ethnicity, dude.
Go to Wikipedia, you moron.
She's half Jewish by birth, dabbled in Scientology, but now back to Judaism.
Okay, so is her mother Jewish?
Because a lot of people think that they can be Jewish if their dad's Jewish.
I'm sorry.
That's not how it works.
Why are you reading some esoteric site?
Go to Wikipedia.
Why do I have to tell you this?
How can you not know that?
Like, why would you go to some weird site that could be Daily Stormer to find out a fact?
Not that my Wikipedia has any truth in it, but it does tend to get ethnicity, right?
It'll say personal life for the time.
Have you ever been to Wikipedia before?
Honestly, have you ever?
Yes.
Okay, it says early life is the next category.
Scroll down.
Scroll down.
Yes.
Early life.
Fry was born in California, blah, blah, blah.
Her father acted.
Her mother is a talent actor.
Two brothers.
Oh.
Caterer.
Palucci.
That doesn't sound very Jewish.
It doesn't, does it?
All right.
Anyway, that was way too long in a theory.
the future, we'll try not to waste your time by trying to figure out things.
But you cannot deny that the Jewish people, the female Jewish people, seem to have...
It's a whole Twitter page.
And they're all breathtakingly gorgeous.
And they all have bazooms out the wazoo.
Bazooms out the wazoo.
Yeah.
Or a shorter version is just wazooms.
Why are the women in the IDF so hot?
Is that a criteria?
Sorry, Fatso.
You can't fight.
We can't hire you.
Oh, there's some dogs.
Okay, they're not all knockouts.
All right, that's enough talk.
By the way, speaking of Sarah Silverman.
Oh, she did a Twitter thing.
Look at how sad this is.
I believe this was on Mother's Day, or it was around Mother's Day.
I used to live for the smell of my boyfriend's armpits, but I found if I work out hard enough, I can manifest that uber masculine post-coital smell in my own sweet armpits.
And I consider that a win.
Now, she's got a really Israeli, I think her sister lives in Israel, and she's a big pro-you know, Israel activist with tons of loving children that are her nieces.
She must, these aunts with their dried-up ovaries must be around their nieces and just go, well, at least I have a stand-up comedy career.
At least I can tell rude jokes about Jesus.
Utterly sad.
Almost as sad as a stay-at-home dad, a male nurse, and a male flight attendant.
You fucked up, Sarah.
And all women who let their ovaries dry up.
Have you noticed that life sucks now?
Especially when the libido goes down and men are just want to use you to bang you and you just want to be loved?
You know how much affection you get when you have kids, ladies?
Kids want to hug you.
They don't want to hug dads.
We're not exactly drowning in hugs.
But oh my God, you should have heard my son this weekend.
You know what he did?
We went to see the movie and he's on his phone.
Like he's checking his phone as he sits down, which is unacceptable.
I don't care if it's trailers.
I go, give me your phone.
And he goes, no.
Give me your phone.
And he goes, and then I hear this, the most audacious thing he's ever said to me in his life.
I hear him go, I swear to God.
He must have learned that from you.
What are you, Ralph Cramden?
One of these days, Dad, to the moon.
He's just flabbergasting.
Meanwhile, I'm giving him popcorn and, you know, allowed to have Coke when you're a kid, right?
I'm giving him a Coca-Cola slushie and a large popcorn as he's saying, I swear to God, I lost it, man.
He has not seen that phone since.
Wow.
I considered just ripping him out of the chair.
We're going home.
I swear to God, one of these days, old man, I'm going to knock your block off.
Reminds me of the time once my dad, we pulled into a gas station.
It was probably around my dad's age.
And my dad said, can you go and fill up the cop?
And I went, no.
And he just went, right.
And then he got out of the car, you know, like Scottish people, their rage is like, he broke the chair as he got out.
And I remember just going, that was a big mistake.
I should have put gas in the car.
I was in trouble for a long time for that.
Gotta watch the attitude there, young man.
Speaking of sex in this city, another funny thing happened this weekend.
So Georgia has this pretty rich, and I'm pro-life, pretty rich abortion laws.
One miss period and you're done.
At any time, I can sense a heartbeat.
And the heartbeat can be detected as early as six weeks.
And there's other things going on there, like if you go out of state to get an abortion, you can be punished with jail time.
Because they see it as murder.
Now, again, I don't know why this keeps coming up as a feminist issue.
It's an ethical issue.
About 50% of women think that abortion is murder.
So if you make abortion legal, you are allowing murder in a society where these women live.
So what about those women's rights?
Anyway, did we talk about Ben Shapiro, by the way, last episode?
I don't think so.
He cut an interview short?
Nope.
Oh, okay.
So he was talking on the BBC, and he's talking to a conservative, actually.
I think he worked at the American Spectator, but he was calling these laws draconian.
And he was saying, do you support these laws?
How can you?
A woman should go to jail for 40 days.
Look it up, Wiener Roast.
Yeah, I'm in the.
It's not in the notes.
Oh.
No.
Are you having your period soon?
That's what's going on.
It's PMS.
Maybe.
You have PMS and it's ruining this show.
I really thought it would be in the notes.
No, I just said, did we talk about this yesterday?
Then I wouldn't have put it in the notes if I wasn't sure.
I'm sorry, folks at home.
You have to see mom and dad fight.
And don't Photoshop that into a Zeek Heyle, please.
Uh-oh.
So, yeah, Ben Shapiro was on this show, and he cut the interview short because the guy was being a snarky little bitch.
Go ahead.
Six weeks is not a return to the dark ages.
What's your answer?
My answer is something called science.
Human life exists at conception.
It ought to be protected.
Now, back to my question to you.
You purport to be an objective journalist.
BBC purports to be an objective down-the-middle network.
It obviously is not.
It never has been.
And you, as a journalist, are proceeding to call one side of the political aisle ignorant, barbaric, and sending us back to the Dark Ages.
Why don't you just say that you're on the left?
Is this so hard for you?
Why can't you just be honest?
Seriously, it's a serious question.
Mr. Shapiro, if you only knew how ridiculous that statement is, you wouldn't have said it.
I just asked you a question.
And I asked you a question.
You failed to answer a single one of mine.
Frankly, I find this whole thing a waste of time.
If you want to read the book and critique the book, why don't you read and critique the book?
If you want to critique me, you can think whatever you want of me.
Why don't you frankly give a damn what you think of me since I've never heard of you?
And I've never heard of you until I brief myself for this.
But that's not the issue.
You haven't read it.
It's an interesting book.
But my point is, your book claims that you've got to be able to do it.
You quote it from time to time.
Anyway, your book.
Just skip ahead.
I've done so several times.
Have him leave.
He does something that drives me nuts, by the way.
All right.
Well, thank you for your time and for showing that anger is not part of American political discourse now, Mr. Shapiro.
We'll say goodbye.
Yeah.
They're removing the mic.
Drives me nuts.
You're in a rage.
Okay?
Just walk up and leave.
Let the mic break.
Let the lav slip behind you.
Let their things fall on the ground.
You're like, screw you.
I'm done with this place.
Fuck everyone here.
Thank you Okay.
Now I'm out.
What is that?
Why are you so worried about their $136 mic cord?
Leave.
Storm out.
This is a rage.
People don't know how to have temper tantrums anymore.
I saw a kid at baseball.
He lost his temper and he threw his mid on the ground and started jumping on it on third base and he was removed from the game.
And like, I'm not a baseball expert, so I try to keep my mouth shut, but I was watching it going, I was disappointed in that temper tantrum.
I think he should have whipped his glove over the fence or something or kicked the wall.
What's the matter with losing your temper?
Having a temper tantrum is a very healthy thing.
Like, who's that fix-me guy?
That comedian, Joe Fixing Joe?
Fixing Joe.
Joe Mataris?
Joe Mataris.
I talked to him once, the comedian, and he was like, yo, I used to be really bad, man.
I would lose my temper.
I'm not doing a good Joe, man.
Can you do a Joe?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was losing my temper.
Use your camera.
I was losing my temper really bad.
Wait, why aren't we seeing you?
Because you got to give me a second.
Oh.
Long ass second, dude.
Now it's working.
Now it's back on there.
I was losing my mind up there, man.
I was going crazy.
And I had to do my Prolexa.
I was on my Prolexa at the time.
Yeah, he's always talking about his medication.
It's so unmanly.
Yeah.
It's like Nick DiPaulo was talking about how guys wearing helmets.
You should find that bit.
It's downright embarrassing how many men wear, grown men wear helmets.
Go to a ski hill, everyone has a helmet on.
100% of fatalities on the ski hill come from the guy not wearing a helmet.
Yeah.
And how many fatalities is that?
One a year?
Two a year?
It's not common out of the billions of times people are going down a ski hill.
But anyway, sorry.
All right, you can show that.
This is Joe Mataris, basically, talking about his medication.
A fucking helmet.
What's a raccoon going to throw a rock at you?
Everybody's like a safety nut.
I'm on my bike in the woods in Westchester County, New York.
I'm in the woods on a Sunday afternoon on my bike.
There's a guy coming at me my age.
No kids with him.
In the woods, remind you.
He's got a helmet on.
A fucking helmet.
What's a raccoon going to throw a rock at you?
What are you doing?
Really?
Don't you have to think about these decisions before you make them?
Don't you?
Don't you go, let me see.
How many guys my age have fallen off their bike and bang their head and die?
And what are my chances of getting laid with this stupid helmet on?
Yeah, it's nothing.
Yeah, I bet your wife, when you put on your little helmet and you're with your wife, I bet she looks over and it's just like, meh.
Remember we're talking about Judd Appetow's wife, how she must see him tweeting, this is the very worst humanity has to offer.
And she must think, can't you just fuck me?
Just once?
Can't you be a man?
They said that her middle name was Should Have Married a Real.
Yes, because her name's Leslie Mann.
I have to explain the joke that you don't set up properly.
Yeah, so Joe Matarista says, yeah, before I was on my medication, it was really bad.
Like I'd punch holes in the wall.
Yeah, my entire adult life, I've had a spackle guy.
I have a Mexican who comes in about three times a year and just fixes the holes in the wall.
Even I kicked a hole through the door at the Cumia studio because the lock was kind of jiggly.
That's right.
That hole is still there.
That's part of being a man.
I remember one time when I was a kid, my dad's foot came into my room.
Their bedroom was next to my room, by the way.
They also shamelessly would have sex and the headboard would go bang, bang, bang, bang against my wall.
That's terrible.
I look back at that now.
Like then I was just like, oh, shut up and put my pillow over my head.
Now I look back, that was bizarre.
But yeah, he put his foot.
It looks like you're involved.
He put his foot through the wall.
It was after his parents died.
I can't remember.
His mom died.
Your grandmother.
Yeah.
So, by the way, back to that Ben Shapiro thing briefly.
I don't think Americans, speaking of the British upbringing, quite get the devil's advocacy that Brits like to do.
So what that guy who is a conservative was doing was he was setting up an egregious argument for Ben to knock down.
So he said, tell me, Ben, why this abortion law isn't an example of us going back into the dark ages.
The interviewer doesn't think that abortion, that abortion law is putting us back into the dark ages.
But he wants, he's setting up Ben to explain why.
But Ben didn't get the nuance and he thought he was talking to a liberal.
Can you call Nick DiPaulo?
Yeah.
Because he just moved to Georgia where this law, it's funny, everyone's talking about banning Georgia and Nick DePaulo gets in his U-Haul and moves there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, but wait, before we talk to Nick, assuming you can get him.
So they make this abortion law and it pisses everyone off.
So the feminists come up with a plan.
You know what they're going to do?
They are going on sex strike.
Just to be clear here, traditionalist Christians in Georgia get their way and they say there's too much premarital sex going on.
Abortion is being used as birth control.
I've had enough of it.
We think it's murder.
So stop.
And you know what the feminists say in retaliation?
They go, oh yeah, we're not having any more premarital sex.
Sex strike.
And I think they got it from, I think there was some Indian tribe like the Navajos stopped some civil war with some other tiny group, like a division of an Indian tribe, and it worked.
Their sex strike worked and the warriors stopped killing each other.
It doesn't apply to modern Georgia law, state law.
So these dumb feminists have gone on a sex strike and refused to have sex with their wimpy liberal boyfriends.
What?
They were going to have tons of sex with conservatives.
And they've essentially done exactly what the bill was designed to do.
Encourage marriage, encourage marital sex, and discourage premarital sex.
Sex strike.
How?
They're so bad at this.
This is what I keep saying.
We are not dealing with worthy adversaries.
Watching guys explain that women don't like sex has been the greatest parade of self-owns I've ever seen.
Sex strike.
They do not get it at all.
All right, while we still have Nick on the brain, track him.
Please tell me you can just track him down.
We're going to hit a bumper first.
Okay, bump it out.
Nick, are you there, sir?
I am, Gavin.
Look at you.
You look tremendous.
I'm going for like a...
What the fuck's going on?
I'm going for like a British comic book look today.
It's sort of the theme of the show.
I won't take up too much of your time, but I got to say, we've been listening to A Breath of Fresh Air.
I'm reluctant to play any of it on the show that you don't tweet out because I don't want to ruin any of the bits, but it is a breath of fresh air.
It sounds like you finally got the gloves off.
You know what I mean?
Finally.
I've been spewing this stuff forever.
I mean, it's just the world has become, as you know, nobody knows better than you, increasingly Politically correct to the point where it sounds like I'm getting more radical, which is not the case.
I'm just using logic and being honest as far as being a straight, white, old guy who's supposedly the problem.
But I've been, you know, I've been doing what I'm doing.
And this one, you know, like I said, because the world has gone nuts, this one seems so controversial, apparently, I feel weird about it.
I'm like, I was excited because it's got over 330,000 views.
But another part of me, you know, people are so angry.
I'm like, I felt like I committed some type of crime.
But in the end, I go, fuck them.
And I take a nice nap.
It might be psychosomatic on my part.
And it might be because I know that you just moved to Georgia from New York.
You said, fuck this shithole.
But it could just be in my own head.
But I just feel like you were trying to be nice.
And maybe I'll get a sitcom.
Maybe I'll be the new king of queens.
And then like a week ago, you just said, you know what?
Screw Hollywood.
Screw TV.
I'm making all my jokes now.
Maybe not the same jokes.
A week ago, I said, we don't have it.
No, I gave up on the fucking Hollywood sitcom shit at least 20 years ago.
I got in trouble.
Matter of fact, this is when I gave up on it officially.
I had a deal with Dennis Leary's company, Apostle Pictures, Dennis' company.
They were going to do a sitcom.
We went out and met writers and stuff.
And we were in a meeting with NBC.
We had already taken three meetings with all the other major networks.
And there were no guys.
There was one gay guy in the meeting.
All the meetings were like all women and stuff.
And by the time we got to NBC, I was just fed up with the questioning because the first question is, what is the wife like in the show?
Yeah.
Yeah, they go, can you explain?
I said, well, in the pilot, she's pregnant, and I push her down the stairs.
I said that in a meeting, thinking Dennis Larry would laugh.
His buddy Jimmy would laugh.
All of them just looked at me.
Even Dennis and they looked at me like I was fucking crazy.
And I'm sitting there.
It's just like being on stage.
The joke doesn't work.
Dennis actually, his company sent her like a dozen roses the next day.
That's not a land of sitcom, huh?
The woman's pregnant.
I push her down the stairs.
But they want a joke.
They want the woman.
They're paranoid that you're going to make Edith from All in the Family, and they want the woman to be empowered and to kick ass because that's the obsession with everyone.
And it's ruined TV, and we talk about this all the time.
It's ruined movies.
Yeah, absolutely.
Whether it's a sitcom or a scene in a movie, let's say it gives away the ending now.
Everything, it's so PC, you know, like when I see a commercial or a sitcom, a husband's playing his wife in one-on-one basketball.
Do you really think the husband, you don't know how that's going to end?
Yeah.
Or I can't watch Angelina Jolie in a movie beating up six Navy SEALs and shit.
I can't suspend my disbelief.
You got it.
The same reason I don't watch Star Wars and that shit.
I can't fucking get there.
No, I want a fucking falling trophy and a talking vacuum cleaner.
I want to watch you watching Endgame because it is brutal.
There's a feminist with short hair at the end who beats up a spaceship and saves the universe, not just the world.
But there's this one scene where this woman goes, some guy says to the female superhero, you think you got this?
And she goes, yeah.
And then this African woman from Wakanda shows up and says, she has backup.
And then nine female superheroes fill the screen, including Gwyneth Paltrow, who's wearing an Iron Man suit that Tony Starks gave her.
And the entire screen is just nine female superheroes about to kill the worst guy literally in the entire universe.
And you just, even my kids were going, oh my God.
It's fucking what's the kryptonite for that superwoman?
Is it a dick?
Oh, we have a cup of spray.
Getting off her ass in the middle of the day and doing something.
I was watching a Western movie a few years ago.
It's set in like 1850 out west somewhere.
And the wife is making talking points for feminists today, like contemporary talking points.
You know what I mean?
It didn't even fit.
They can't put their fucking ideology aside.
You know what I mean?
It's one thing to take poetic license, they call up, but she sounded like a housewife from a 1996 sitcom, busting his balls and don't pick on the daughter.
And the daughter's talking back.
Oh, yeah, a six-year-old girl talked back to her dad in 1850.
Yeah.
She get an axe handle out the neck.
I've noticed this, too, when we take the kids to places like we were in London, we took them to Jack the Ripper, and it's like this experience where you walk through and you go to these different rooms and there's actors who play the roles and there's Sweeney Todd who's like eating people and stuff.
But they have to inject women into it.
So they have all these brassy broad murderer women saying, why, Tap of the Marne, welcome to the most dangerous place in all of London.
You better watch yourself, mate.
And she's got a knife or something and you're like, you would just get stabbed in the face if it was Jack the Ripper days.
What are we pretending for?
They ruin everything.
They're coming out with a sequel Jane the Raper.
Well, they were trying to push a black female James Bond.
And I was talking to Kumi about this.
What are the sex scenes in the black female James Bond?
Like, she just has this cuck, white guy who happily goes down on her and then skitters away when he's done.
Yeah.
Fucking, it's, you know who, what's his fucking name on MSNBC?
O'Donnell.
Yeah, yeah, Lawrence O'Donnell.
Lawrence O'Donnell.
That would be the, that would be the cuck.
And there's plenty of guys like that, you know.
Oh, we're feminists in the name.
Well, the amazing thing about that, though, is everyone knows, right, that if you made a black female James Bond, it wouldn't appeal to anyone, really.
And so it would bomb.
And that's why they don't care.
They just want to have fun and they want to be James Bond for a day, even if that's going to ruin it.
It's like if you and I insisted that our short Chinese friends got to join the NBA.
It would ruin the game, but our friends would get to play basketball in front of a bunch of people.
But the ratings would go through the roof.
That's actually a pretty good idea.
Really?
Yeah, you wouldn't go to a game and try to, you know, fucking watching Kevin Durant post up against Ding Chao Fling.
You know, his balls keep hitting the Chinese guy in the forehead.
The ratings would go through the roof.
But yeah, I can't, well, I just can't suspend my disbelief.
It's propaganda.
That's why you said they don't care.
they don't, although they make a lot of money.
Disney, I blame Disney for most of this.
The PC stuff.
Really?
Oh, they're the exporters of PC.
You ever look at a kid's Disney cartoon now?
It's just so diverse, it's creepy.
I like the old cartoons where, you know, fucking Bluto was trying to fucking force himself in olive oil.
And then, you know, the hero, the white guy, the Popeye would intervene.
Yeah.
You're right.
All cartoons now are female scientists kicking butt and men acting like complete doofs and little boys acting like complete losers.
It's like the Homer Simpson model has just taken over everyone.
Go ahead, sorry.
How about the commercials like during the masters?
Golf is still, you know, an old school old white guy.
But all the commercials, they're trying to turn it around, you know?
Hey, Mercedes, they have some angry-looking black chick.
She's like, you know, 16.
Hey, Mercedes, how about making a car for somebody who doesn't play golf?
Yeah.
Well, it's tuck commercials.
The whole message was like, why do you fucking start ignoring the old crusty white guys?
And that's the message.
That's fine.
You're the one who turned me on to that one where she goes, she's driving and he's in the passenger seat and he's going, shouldn't we park there?
Shouldn't we park there?
And she goes, yeah, I might as well just leave the car at home.
And then she goes, we're going to park right up the gut.
And then she parks up there and goes, someone's got to wear pants in this family.
Yoga pants are pants.
Can you imagine what that creative meeting looked like?
Nine girls with crew cuts and 11 rings in their noses.
Just fucking furies at the world and right up the gut.
Yeah, because women have fucking...
That's the only time.
I watch the Middle East and they talk about Saudi Arabia and how they don't allow women to drive.
I watched a bride try to Parallel Park the other day.
I thought I was ready for a woman president.
I watched her try to Parallel Park for like 11 minutes and I went, not that driving has much to do with being president.
They drive you around, but I'm just saying, enough is enough.
Please.
I want Sharia law in this country.
I want these gorgeous women covered up.
I can't stop thinking about them when they walk down the street.
And I don't want women on the road.
I want them to have to ask their Dali or whatever the guy's called who gives them permission.
We need Islam in this country.
These feminists are out of control.
Well, you're not going to have to wait too long.
You go to Dearborn, Michigan.
It's like being in a Turkish bazaar in 1650.
You're shopping at a, waiting for a bomb to go.
But yeah, no, I'm so tired of it.
And are you still kicked off PayPal and everything?
I can't believe what they've done to you.
Oh, I'm kicked off absolutely everything.
I got on YouTube through a lawyer, but they've demonetized it so I can't make a cent.
Really?
Yeah.
And that's a matter.
I've been told by insiders at YouTube that I'm on double secret probation and they're just waiting for a reason.
They'll send me a copyright strike from something that's 15 years old.
So the teeth are out.
The claws are out.
Last question, Nick.
Yes, sir.
Did you, you know, I thought the controversy with the cover there, the guy giving the finger, isn't it funny that no one describes how that activist was killed?
That he was killed by a black junkie in a horrible crime-strewn area where the police just couldn't get there in time?
Yeah, he was riding his bike in New Orleans or something.
That's all the details I could find because the three articles I looked up, they all said the same thing.
It said details were not known at the time.
But if Whitey shot him, they'd have every detail.
What color his fucking pupils were.
But the reason, and I'm taking some flack from my fans for apologizing.
And the reason I did was because that wasn't my intention to be giving the finger to a dead guy.
It wasn't my intention, you know?
So that's why I apologize.
But I also said on this show last week, I hate everything the kids stood for.
And I'm sure he would have hated it.
Black Lives is a fucking thug terrorist group that was founded on a myth.
And they bully people on college campuses.
Five cops in Dallas was shot by a guy who was related to that group.
Everybody forgets that.
But I apologize more so for the family and that I didn't intend to be doing it.
If I did, I would have said, fuck you.
You can't win me.
What are you, pussy?
No, I'm just trying to be a little decent.
No, no one's saying had a problem with that apology.
It made perfect sense.
And it also didn't let them go off on a tangent with it.
So just to wrap up here, so your contention is that those of us who think that this is some sort of liberation, this is the Georgian Nick DiPaulo, now that he's living in the South, that's all in our heads.
And you haven't changed, and this special is no different from any other?
Well, I did the special before I moved here.
And, you know, but yeah, no, I'm no, here's how you look at it.
Here's where I got out of New York.
I was living in Westchester County, literally four miles from Hillary Clinton's house.
So I was behind enemy lines.
That stuff starts to wear on you.
You start to get paranoid about stuff.
Like my dentist wouldn't return my call.
I'm like, that motherfucker's a limb.
He hates my comedy.
Shit like that.
Yeah, no, I'm in Westchester, and I get the same thing.
I get notes on my driveway, and they put hate has no home here, signs on my lawn.
They are, this is the Trump derangement syndrome capital of the world.
Yeah, I wasn't that far.
A lot of this, you know, but yeah, a banker trying to get a loan through it and they're making me jump to a thousand hoops.
It starts to wear on you.
I'm like, this guy knows who I am.
I guarantee it, because that's the level they play at.
So I picked a state that I would agree with their politics.
Here I am.
I'm already chewing tobacco.
So is the wife.
And, you know, and I love it down here.
Sure, it's going to be 117 in a couple weeks.
But you know what?
I went to Chick-fil-A the minute I got here with a handgun on my lap just to become a southerner.
That's awesome.
Well, I'll be joining you there soon enough.
Nick, thanks for coming on the show.
You do, man.
I would love you as a neighbor guy.
That special is epic.
We're going to push it like crazy on the show.
Thanks for coming on.
I can't thank you enough.
And should we have them run clips?
Let me get back to you on that one and see if my manager says.
Okay.
I'll only run Twitter clips from now on.
Or the trailers you can put out there.
Yes.
But I appreciate it.
You're the best, man.
Rock on, dude.
You know what?
What's up?
I don't think that interview went very well.
No, why?
I think I like Nick too much.
Oh.
And I'm kind of a fanboy, and I get too excited.
You think that, yeah, you get a little too.
And Nick's kind of an alpha, so he doesn't enjoy subservience.
So I come on sort of like those cartoon dogs where the little dog's like, what are we going to do now?
We're going to get him.
Yeah.
Let's go get him.
Yeah.
There were some ups and downs there.
And I apologize, folks at home.
Not every interview is out of the park sometime.
Plus, we've been trying to get him for so long that I was so excited.
I was like a kid in a candy store.
It finally works.
That wasn't very badass.
Next time, from now on, I'm going to be a badass.
God.
Hey, Nick.
Hey, Nick, what's up, dude?
Fucking so much bullshit out there, right?
Oh, my God.
Anyway, I just called to say, fuck you.
All right, later, I'm going to go drink whiskey and bang brads.
That was fucking weird.
Guy fucking calls me up on SkyTube.
He sounds, as you point out, he has a Boston accent and a New York accent at the same time.
Simultaneously.
And he sounds like a dispatcher from the 40s in Brooklyn.
Car 22, Car22, you there?
225.
You're going to need to pull this shit in.
I mean, we fucking had you at there at 6 in the morning.
What the fuck is your SkyTube?
He does.
Oh, my God.
He was born in the wrong time.
Yeah.
Like, if he was in Lenny Bruce's era, just driving a yellow cab, he'd be a superstar.
Yeah.
Wish he had kids.
He's got a great story.
He doesn't?
Nope.
He's got a great story about his neighbors.
He had like these, I think he lived on Long Island, and he had these hillbilly neighbors who they were like related to his neighbors.
So it was like a cousin or something.
And they just built a shack in between their two houses on the lawn and lived in it.
And they would have no shoes and throw rocks at cars and they were a nightmare.
And eventually they moved down south or something.
And the DiPaolos would fight them and hated them.
And they would shoot each other with BB guns.
And then he goes, the weirdest thing.
Then on the day they were leaving, they had packed up an old pickup truck and they're heading down and we're waving goodbye.
And I look over at my dad and he's crying.
I'm not doing it an ounce of justice.
But, God, it's the best story.
He's had a crazy life, man.
Yeah, we got to talk to Sabo.
See if you can call him.
It's kind of a weird thing, too.
And I'm glad I used the analogy.
It's like fighting 100 chicks because they're terrible at this, but they're kind of winning.
Like, I can't use PayPal.
Enrico Tario of the Proud Boys cannot use his own personal bank account that he's had for his whole life.
Like that was his little piggy bank when he had a paper root.
No more.
I'm trying to hook up with this math teacher, sexually, I mean, on Grinder, who she just got fired from her job as a math teacher because they found out that she's a conservative and she supports Trump and she worked with David Horowitz.
No, you may not find the surface area of 3x plus y cube spun about the z-axis.
You're going to draw little swastikas in your formulas and brainwash our kids into being fascists.
David Horowitz.
David Horowitz, by the way, is about as liberal as conservatives get.
He very reluctantly had me at one of his freedom weekends because I was right on the edge.
He is, and I love him, by the way.
I think he's a great guy.
I think he's a brilliant activist, but he was a liberal most of his life.
He is the most, I don't want to call him milquetoast because he's a real firebrand, especially when it comes to Israel, but he's not remotely controversial.
But if you work with him, you may not teach math to children.
Seem logical to me?
Seem clown world enough yet?
Well, it does make sense.
This is a, you know, Trump supporter plus math teacher minus logic equals fire teacher.
That wasn't a bad joke.
Thanks.
So, yeah, it's fighting 100 women at once.
They will win.
They'll eventually just sort of mob.
You'll sort of be like, get off, get off.
Like zombies.
Like zombies.
Exactly.
They're like zombies.
And the zombies eventually win.
But you shoot a bunch.
No, I'm not talking about shooting.
Wait a minute.
Hey, FBI.
That was an analogy gone wrong.
I'm not killing anyone.
They don't have to talk like that.
And by the way, teachers can sit there and talk about killing cops.
They can talk about how white people are evil.
They can make white people apologize.
They can talk about how evil America is, how it was stolen from the Indians, how it was built on slavery.
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.
How Columbus Day should be changed to Indigenous Peoples' Day, which my kids were taught in school.
They literally had a Howard Zinn journal, like aficionado.
He's the head of the Howard Zinn Society.
That's a radical leftist, by the way, who thinks that we are all evil.
And his People's History of America is just like evil white colonists destroying everything.
But they read his essays in school.
But yeah, you can't have right-wing politics.
Anyway, so if you're fighting 100 women at once, in the short term, someone's going to go, man, you're going to go, and that's what happened with this Pete Butley gig.
It was the lamest trap ever set.
Trump jumped over it and then threw Pete in it by showing that he knows nothing about kids and Alfred E. Newman.
Oh, I got Sabo, by the way.
You better, because I just set it up right there.
And if he was not on the line, I would look like a total imbecile.
I got him.
Sabo, are you there?
I am here.
I'm glad to see you're still alive.
I'm still ticking along.
Still at war with the mob of Trump Derangement Syndrome lunatics.
And they're getting crazier, I've noticed.
Oh, they're going to get worse, dude.
I honestly believe they're going to get worse.
Hey, I want to talk to you about your Pete Butley gig poster.
It's beautiful, as per you.
I didn't know Marines could be so creative.
But here's what I love about the whole thing.
Pete Butleygig is a human trap.
And what you're supposed to do is make butt jokes, and you're supposed to say, I don't want no fairies in the White House, blah, blah, blah.
And then the conservatives are the old, boring traditionalists, and they get swept out to sea like an old dying person.
And the progressives are cool.
Trump didn't take the bait.
He called him Alfred E. Newman, which you helped drive home with your poster.
And then Pete got screwed because he said, oh, I had to Google it.
It's really old-fashioned.
Alfred E. Newman is not old-fashioned.
My kids still love Alfred E. Newman.
He's still, Madden Magazine is killing it.
He just showed that he doesn't know anyone with kids.
He doesn't know anything about kids.
Yeah, I guess.
You know, they almost found the perfect guy.
He's gay and he's got the name Butt in his name.
But unfortunately, he looks like a 19-year-old that hasn't quite filled in his father's suit.
Yes.
It's like we're up against, it's sort of like fighting 100 chicks.
Like it's a nightmare and they fall on top of you and you can't breathe at times.
But the actual battles, we're dealing with total amateurs.
You think I'm going to fall for your gay trick, you dummies?
Yeah, you know, it's like volleyball.
It's kind of like the Democrats set up the shot and Trump, and they were expecting Trump to spike it in, but he just standing there looking at you like, no, I don't think so.
And you know, the beauty of his insults, like low energy Jeb was low energy Jeb from that moment forward.
You couldn't see him.
And then what did he call Little Marco Rubio, Little Marco?
And then boom, that's what he is.
And now, every time I look at Pete, I see Alfred E. You do realize that's Batman.
No, it's not.
Oh, shit, that's Alfred.
Look at that.
You're such a smart ass.
You think I use just for men?
You think this is Batman?
But you know, I hope it gets hilarious.
I've been doing this crazy shit forever, and then I see all these trunk people come in and they kind of like amp it up two notches.
And then I kind of want to like step back and go, okay, can we all like relax a little bit?
But the fact of the matter is, dude, I mean, you're probably going to have to strap up and put the armor on because it's going to get brutal.
And I have to come to terms with that.
I mean, you've suffered more than most anyone I know.
And if I were you, I probably would have lost it by now.
You know this anyways?
Boxing.
You go boxing every morning.
It just trains.
I'm talking jiu-jitsu for the first time tonight.
Oh, good.
All right.
We're out of time, Sabo.
I like you more than a friend.
And your poster was beautiful.
All right.
Well, thank you, man.
Thanks for having me.
Always lost in bloody hearts.
And when they come...
Now, that interview went much better because I like Sabo, but not too much.
Maybe I'm gay and I lust Nick DePau.
Ah, and you're not attracted to Sabo, which is insulting.
Yeah.
You're not attracted to Sabo.
He's too old for me.
I like young, sexy men.
How old is Nick?
Actually, they're probably the same age, right?
I would think so.
It must be arduous to be a homosexual.
You know what I mean?
I mean, it's not...
You must get...
So you're getting settled in with a guy.
Like, I knew a dude.
I used to have these gay neighbors, Jason and Manuel.
No.
Miguel.
What the hell was his name?
Maurizio.
That's it.
And one day, Jason, they've been living together for years.
And one day, Jason said, I don't like that you're drinking so much.
And I think you're partying too hard.
And I need you to settle down.
And just be more of a mellow dude.
And Maurizio just goes, you're dumped.
Get out.
Pack your bags.
That was it.
Damn.
Jason was gone.
They lived together and they had a country house together.
That's how they were my neighbors.
And next thing you know, you never see Jason ever again.
Just boom.
Yeah, you're a lippy.
Because they have the top and the bottom thing exaggerated.
They're very fickle.
They have domestic abuse problems too, especially lesbians.
You know what lesbians do?
They adopt a hyperbolic version of what we were in the 50s.
So they have the sideburns and the tank tops and like, where's my fucking dinner?
Where's my dinner?
And then she's an exaggeration of the little timid housewife, the lipstick lesbian.
So she's like, sorry, sorry, I'll have it ready.
This is not all lesbians, obviously, but a contingent of the sort of freakier ones.
This.
Especially in.
Joe Calderon, Lady Gaga's character.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Especially in San Francisco and stuff where they really got it down to an art form.
And they will have like brutal divorces, domestic abuse.
I think a very unreported statistic is lesbian domestic violence.
And it's really just an act.
It's really just them pretending to be something that I don't even think was true.
Like this whole notion of the wife beater with the beer in Brooklyn coming up.
Hey, where the fuck?
Shut up.
I don't know.
I shouldn't say it just seems dubious, but I don't know.
I wasn't around in Brooklyn in the 40s and 50s.
Yeah, you were.
That's a burn.
What?
That was supposed to be a sick burn.
Oh, because I look old?
That's not a sick burn at all.
You could have said, could have fooled me.
Ah, that is good.
That would have been a much better burn.
Well, from now on on that.
And I can't believe I have to hand you the knife, hold it up to my chest, and say, now push.
Push in the rapier.
There you go.
And you want to get my sternum.
It's like when I'm showing my kids how to fight.
My kid beat me the other day.
We play this game where you have to slap the guy, not hard, but this doesn't count.
You can't flick him.
It has to make a psh.
So just like a little psh.
And he's beaten me three times.
That doesn't surprise me.
So I tried to use the same thing, but the difference.
All right, we're out of time, folks.
I would like to end, not with my mailbag, but with a guy we discovered.
Fred Armison is not exaggerating.
This is a Fred Armison character that is real.
I actually emailed this to Fred.
He's one of the few celebrities that will still speak to me very occasionally.
That's the secret to maintaining your celebrity friends.
You only email them once a year.
But this guy's not kidding.
He is a goth.
And this has like 172 views.
Many of his videos have zero views.
I call him Mr. Noview.
So you shared this.
No, I have no social media.
I don't know how he got up to 173.
Did you email this to Fred?
Maybe he showed people.
Like an hour ago.
Oh.
While we were doing show prep.
Oh, oh.
So this, 173 is insane for him.
Yeah, his biggest one was 12 or 24.
Yeah, right.
But I've never seen a YouTube channel where many things have zero views.
Like, don't you show your mom?
Don't you have one friend?
You're watching it on your computer, and then I put it on mine.
I said, oh, one view.
Who could that have been?
Okay, so this guy is simply going through Amazon and looking at pictures of things that are like goth, whatever he is, and he's describing them.
That's it.
There's nothing else to this video.
Check it out.
$13.98.
Very cool.
Very chic.
Very different.
Is he on medication?
Is that opioids?
I think so.
This week in makeup.
All right.
In makeup news is basically Manic Panic Virgin Dreamtone Gothic Foundation Vampire White by Manic Panic.
Daya paid up to $18 for in the store.
Stop.
How is this news?
Was this just released?
Well, then you have to say it's just been released.
Is it news that it exists on there?
And he's just found.
Yeah, is that his news?
Things exist?
In the news today, an Urwelly thing I won in Orlando.
Also in the news, a bell.
Also in the news, fingers like this that say, please be a fart.
That are made of plaster, I believe.
A color-changing cup.
That's Groundskeeper Willie.
Urwoolly is from Scottish Comics.
And now get online at, you guessed it, Amazon.com.
Oh, my God.
$6 and.
He sounds like annoyed that he has to do.
You don't have to do this, dude.
You guessed it, fuck.
Also, White Foundation, also from Manic Pennic.
That's all the makeup advice I will have.
Jeez, you guys just really are demanding I do this.
Talk about dots.
Does he have a bumper?
Oh, no.
This weekend music.
Music this month.
We have a self-titled release.
His tongue is too big for his goth face.
Yeah, his tongue's falling out of his face.
This looks like a little Nikki character.
And as it happens, if you liked our jingle for the intro of the show, that was a gift from Klaus Larsen.
Thank you, Klaus.
Hope all is well in Denmark.
All right.
I like his name.
Show his name, though, so people can look him up.
Sure.
Because he is a treasure trove.
I find him so soothing, too.
I don't know.
It's almost like a fountain.
Like, I could have him reading Amazon in the background, and I would just like, while I'm doing the dishes or something, show his page with his name so we can see him.
This guy rules.
Nate Ober.
Nate Ober, Mr. Noviews.
Let's see some of his other videos.
Please.
I discovered him because he green screened me with this hideous four views, seven views, seven views.
Yeah, we might as well show it now.
This is how I came across him.
So I've just been told I'm on double secret probation or some sort of 30-day watch on YouTube where if I do anything wrong.
That is the beauty of free speech.
Everyone gets a voice, even people with absolutely nothing to say.
I think he's the greatest little nigga.
Today in makeup, there exists goth makeup.
You may have noticed from my face that I've covered with goth makeup.
All right, guys, we're out of time.
Let's have some fun tomorrow.
I'd thank my guests, Nick DiPaolo and Sabo.
And I implore you to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
I'm not doing that again.
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