All Episodes
Previous Next
May 12, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
49:01
S02E05 - GAY BAR FIGHTS
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
She might have left my hood, but she was born in my town.
Boom!
Here comes the boom!
Ready or not?
Here comes the boys from the south.
That video sucks.
That's POD.
They're a Christian band, but they don't say that because it's bad for business.
But they're pro-life and against gay marriage and all that wonderful Christian stuff.
Against mass shootings.
What is POD?
Point of deliverance or something?
That's what it stands for?
Yeah, I'm looking it up right now.
I can't see it yet.
I did that song at karaoke last night and absolutely destroyed, but I got winded because I was jumping and landing and boom and screaming like a punk rocker.
And I think it might be Ryan's constant sucking of the plastic dick.
Ryan is a vapor, and I'm not a smoker.
I do get asthma.
I'm allergic to mice because they have little dust on them.
And I think sitting next to a vapor is making me sick.
I'm a vapist.
You're a serial vapist.
I'm not a vapor.
This shirt is too long for this jacket.
Maybe if I go like that a little bit, bunch it up a little.
Yeah, I was thinking about the length of the show.
We're still experimenting.
These are the early shows going back and forth.
And sometimes 43 minutes seems a little short.
It's the normal length for a television show.
That's why we chose it.
And I know when I watch Tucker Carlson, I fast forward through the commercials.
I watch it late.
And that's 43 minutes.
That's a reasonable amount of time to watch a show.
Like, should you be watching two hours of anything every day?
But then you think, there are these guys who work in their shops and they like to have it on in the background.
So that's 43 minutes is very short then for that.
We'll figure it out soon, folks.
But we're working on this together.
Before we get started, I want to sort of dedicate a lot of this show to fake news and the way the narrative changes.
But before we get into that, I just want to say how much I hate superheroes.
I don't mind that little kids are into it, but cosplay drives me nuts, and seeing grown men with superheroes on their shirt is just pathetic, as my dad would say.
Absolutely pathetic.
For the 50th time, we invented superheroes because we felt bad for nerds.
Because back in the 40s, 50s, there was the old-fashioned bullies punching their hands, beating up for your lunch money.
And if you weren't strong, you're getting your ass kicked.
And we pushed for strong men in the world.
We'd just come through World War II.
And we thought, let's help these kids out.
Or at least the free market decided to help these kids out.
So they gave little kids a fantasy.
And that fantasy is that that guy did beat you up, but you have a secret power.
And you could come to school if you wanted to and shoot webs at them and fly over their heads and punch them.
And then you'd go save a bankrob.
You'd save an old lady like your mom.
You'd save her.
That's a silly fantasy to make a little kid feel better.
But when an adult has a Superman shirt, or even one of the coaches at my gym, he has on a fucking Superman body here and the neck ends there.
So his head is Superman.
Grown man, wife, kids.
What are you doing?
Superman?
Even within the superhero world, that's severely gay.
But look at these pictures.
This is old news to you now of Avengers Endgame.
But they got that black rapper.
What's his name?
Traphead?
Trap?
Tyrus?
Tyrus Traphead.
Tyrus Traphead.
And one of the Jenners, Caitlin Jenner.
Travis Scott?
Yeah.
Okay.
Is that Kylie Jenner?
It's definitely not Caitlin Jenner.
That's a really good.
Dressing up to go see Avengers, sitting on their Ferrari.
And then what's this next one?
That's not so bad.
You're dressing up for your little kid.
Like, I actually wore a Captain America shirt once, but it was because my son was really into him, and I was making him happy, and he was four.
I don't think I'm Captain America.
No, I just really like Wolverine.
God, the way they talk about these superhero movies and the plots and they line up to be Black Panther.
Remember that whole Wakanda shit?
Wakanda sucks, by the way.
Wakanda is a mediocre little village.
It's not that impressive, and they have a magical substance that's better than diamonds and oil and better than any substance anyone's ever heard of.
And you still don't really have any skyscrapers or very impressive infrastructure.
Like downtown Wakanda, when they're walking around, Black Panther's walking around with his friends, it looks like Kenya.
Just like a shiny Kenya.
No, it's not that shiny.
There's little dirt roads and stuff.
It sucks.
Look at that tub.
That is in the dictionary under pathetic.
What's the guy with the little boots?
Oh, he's Ant-Man.
No, no, no.
He's one of the guardians of the galaxy.
I don't know what his name is.
Oh, he's the guy that...
He's Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy.
And look, what's the guy with the backpack?
What's in his backpack?
His pants?
Spider-Man's backpack?
Yeah, so we can put them on later.
I don't know.
It's probably some spider stuff.
Look at that.
I'm a badass.
I'm Captain Marvel.
I'm not a fat chick.
I'm a superhero.
I'm badass.
Oh, Lord.
It's the same three people.
Look at that.
Look at these adults dressing up.
Now, I know what you're saying, Ryan.
You're saying, what about Halloween?
You like Halloween.
That's dressing up.
Yeah.
And Halloween was made for kids.
And it's adults doing a kid thing.
No, that's not the case at all.
Can you switch this camera thingy around?
Okay.
Halloween predates Christianity.
It was a ceremony, a magical night.
Whoa, those are some bazooms.
You know what's funny?
I'm such a pig.
I'm such a pervert that my mind just changed and said, well, maybe it's not that bad.
I'm not kidding, though.
Oh, yeah, there's a really bad one coming up.
Keep going.
We like her.
She's in our 25 hottest list.
Well, this isn't her.
This is just a nerd.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I thought that was Kate Blanchett cosplaying for free as opposed to the $5 million she probably got to do that.
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
I don't care about that.
What's she saying?
Something super nerdy, I bet.
Let's hear how nerds talk.
Let's hear how nerds talk.
Let's see.
No matter what the end game, eventually they all come back to me.
So, see you in Hella Venters.
Ew.
Ew!
What are you doing?
You're having a kid's fantasy.
Did she just give away the ending too?
Eventually, they all come back to me.
Alright, we're back.
You push the Skype button and not realize?
Yeah.
Okay, keep going.
I'm sick of her.
That is the best.
No way.
If that person's kidding, she's hilarious.
If she's not kidding, she should be committed.
Dude.
That's either the best or the worst chick in the world.
Dude, wow.
Wow.
Look at that little glove.
I looked into it.
But yeah, Halloween was a pagan tradition.
It predates Christianity, and it's when all the villagers would get together and have skull masks and stuff, and they would laugh in the face of death.
They're playing a game saying, ha ha ha, we're not scared of you, death.
It's like the Mexican Night of the Dead thing.
Same shit.
And it's continued over the years.
So you're really tipping your hat to the tradition.
The kids with the candy is relatively new.
And we don't go door to door and we make it sexual.
I like Halloween.
It's totally different from this.
This is you living out a seven-year-old nerd's fantasies.
Halloween looks similar, but it's totally different.
All right.
Remember that teacher?
What teacher?
They posted this to not spoil the endgame?
Yeah, that's actually a perfect example of what I'm talking about.
My little brother is on a Tamoa business trip, and I'm waiting until he gets back to see The Avengers, what will be Wednesday night.
Do not discuss anything about it anywhere near this classroom until this time.
You know how much I love Marvel Comics.
There.
That sentence in a nutshell is what I'm talking about.
Help me, Jeebus.
It's the infantilization of adults.
And it shows, basically, that hard times create weak men.
No, hard times create strong men.
Strong men create good times.
Good times create weak men.
We're in a good time.
So I guess it's actually good news that we are having all of these wrinkled teenagers, not even teenagers.
Like, they don't even move out of their house anymore.
You haven't moved out of your house.
You have an apartment that you can live in.
And the second you can escape back to your Nana's big tits, you jump on the train and go back to her bosom.
I like it that I got a car there.
I can drive around.
29 years old, folks.
He's 29 years old, and he cannot move out of the house.
Oh, you're 30 now?
I've turned 30.
You've since turned 30.
I moved out of the house when I was 18.
I moved to New York City when I was 30 because I had already started a massive global media empire.
Some people like it hot.
Maybe one of the reasons you haven't moved out is that you don't work.
Your brain is broken and you can't even speak English.
Some like it hot.
What's hot?
Playing video games in your basement?
Jack Lemmon, Walter Matham, and Marilyn Monroe.
Oh, so he just names old movies now when you criticize him.
All right.
I want to talk about something very big here.
And it goes back to this shooting and the way it's portrayed in the news because I'm seeing a pattern here.
And the pattern is there is a desperate attempt to prove we are white nationalists.
Ready?
Maybe we should cut to a swipe?
A bumper?
You want to bump it?
Yeah, because I might want to make this free.
All right, bump it up.
All right.
Okay, we got a doozy here.
I've been noticing this pattern.
And I know you're not supposed to notice patterns.
That's what political correctness is, ignoring patterns.
But I'm noticing a pattern here, and it is this desperate need to prove that America is Nazi central.
And I'd like to draw an analogy, if I may.
It is exactly like if the media was determined to warn you and prove that gays are dominating bar fights across the country.
Now, this is a good analogy because gays are not dominating bar fights across the country.
Ooh, you got to dig up that video, remember?
In the alleyway of those two girls fighting some gays.
Oh, that's right.
Sharts.
Okay.
But that's okay.
We got time.
That's how we work here, Ryan.
You dig up stuff.
Not everything has to be pre-calibrated.
That's what's ups.
That is what's up.
I love that.
So, gays are not a big part of bar fights.
And a bigger picture, and another reason I love this brilliant analogy is gays aren't really bar fight types.
We're more bar fight types.
Us Scotch-Irish.
There, this is gays.
They're alleyway.
Barfighting.
No, not really.
That was such a move.
And then he's like, talk to the hand because you ain't got no man.
That's what you get, girl.
That's what you get.
You start shit with us.
No, you're not.
Get off of me.
Ow.
Get her off.
I'm going to hit you.
Ow.
Both of you get off of me.
Bang.
Ow.
That hurt.
Get him.
You bitches.
They've been partying all night.
The homeless guy.
Look at the homeless guy.
He's just like, what the fuck are you doing in my house?
He's like, this is the best live show I've ever seen.
Brah fucking vo.
Got quarters?
Okay, enough with the bad words.
Anyway, yeah.
So I'm looking at this, and it's mostly determination to attack white males, Christians, you know, a certain type of white male Christian.
But a number of examples of this in forced narrative are worth just going over briefly.
Because you can learn a lot about a society from what they don't say.
Yes, the fake news says a lot of things that are corrupt and wrong, but they also leave out a lot of things that are very telling.
So for example, remember there was that guy, it was right after Christ Church and synagogue shooting, the one in Paloma, California, I believe, where that one woman took a bullet for the rabbi?
So this guy comes out, he's in the post, and he said he was going to kill Jews and Christians.
He's a Muslim convert who looks like he's from Trailer Park Boys.
Yeah, Corey from Trailer Park Boys.
from Trailer Park Boys.
Now, authorities thwart widespread terror plot involving...
Involving U.S. military veteran.
I do not like the word thwart, by the way.
Thwart.
Why are you thwarting this plot?
Anyway, the article is interesting because if you scroll down, they list, no, not too far down, not to the ads.
They said that he wanted to kill Jews and Christians in retaliation for the attack, and they leave out a pretty major detail.
Wait, America needs another Vegas event.
Domenico said in an online video professing his Muslim faith and affidavit unsealed Monday states.
He was referring to the October shootings in Vegas.
Another attack would give them a taste of the terror they gladly spread all over the world.
Minor detail, he also said he was going to kill white nationalists.
So the New York Post, you can't always trust, doesn't want to show you that this guy is a complete nut and that white nationalists and Jews and Christians are all part of the same thing.
Oh, wait, this has been updated, and it actually does have white nationalists.
He says, well, tell me if I'm wrong.
Holy crap, that wasn't in there before.
He says, in order to commit mass murder at a planned white nationalist rally.
That wasn't there before.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is another thing that annoys me, too, about modern media.
Updated.
I'm positive that was not there.
Oh, there's the updated.
Right.
Yeah, you can't just write updated.
You have to put it at the bottom and go, an earlier version of this article left out white nationalists.
Sure, sure.
Dang.
He's a complete lunatic nut bar who wanted to kill a wide swath of people.
But that doesn't fit the narrative.
It doesn't fit the narrative to say white nationalists and Jews are under attack.
That's not sexy.
And it reminds me of the whole Easter worshiper thing.
This was when there was the bombing in Sri Lanka and everyone came out.
Barack Obama, find his tweet and Hillary's tweet, and they kept talking about Easter worshipers.
One of the most annoying terms.
Actually, that article, right?
No, keep going down, is saying that we should shut up about it.
No, I'm not shutting up about it.
I think it's a big deal.
Easter worshipers.
Barack Obama refuses to say Christians, refuses to say Catholics.
He just calls them Easter worshipers.
And so does Hillary, and so did everyone.
But look how quickly we go from Easter worshiper to Christian.
It happens overnight.
Easter worshipers became Christians pretty fast, didn't they?
In the New York Times, mobs of Christian men in Sri Lanka have been threatening and beating Muslims, dozens of residents said.
They even beat my kids, said a Pakistani refugee who has lived in Sri Lanka for two years.
Why are you a, wait a minute, you're a Muslim Pakistani and you had to leave Pakistan because you're a refugee?
A refugee is someone who will be killed if they go back home because of their beliefs.
Pakistan's a Muslim country.
You get to be a refugee now just if your country sucks, if you ruined it?
We gave, we said, look, Muslims, this is enough.
Here's the top of India.
That's yours.
That's Pakistan.
I need to leave.
I am a refugee.
So they like the narrative when it's Christians terrorizing everyone, but they don't like the narratives when Christians are the victims.
And I don't want to make this a white thing.
It's a Christian Western thing.
And the impetus behind it is Christian men, white men, Westerner men, American men, are very violent and evil and racist and dark.
So if there's an attack, we have to make sure we don't get them riled up because they're a bunch of yokel rednecks who will put on their Klansmen uniforms and just start shooting up the place.
And I'm here to tell you that we are the group least likely to do that.
We are the biggest sweeties in the world.
That's what I'm screaming.
That's why I love this gay barfight analogy.
That's us.
Sure, it happens.
It's happened once.
We're clearly not in our element here.
And when it happens, it's pretty bad.
No one really gets that hurt, by the way.
You'll notice everyone's still standing.
In the gay barfight analogy, yes.
And we saw this with a synagogue shooting where they had to point out that it was a Christian.
It wasn't one Jewish, one Christian, how the California synagogue shooting Tore apart two congregations.
Why do you need to mention that he's Christian in this when discussing this shooting?
Why isn't he an Easter worshiper?
Or why, in the case of the New York Post, unupdated article, why include it at all?
Because the narrative has to be that America is Nazi central.
America is the least Nazi central place ever.
Ever.
Now, here's an example of backlash.
There was an incident, it was a long-ass time ago, 2002, and it was in Korea.
You probably haven't heard of it.
I don't know what the hell we're doing in South Korea.
I guess we're getting ready for North Korea, right?
So we have a bunch of troops there, and they're on these shitty little Korean roads that are this wide.
These guys are carrying these, do you have the article there?
They're carrying these insane giant tanks.
Is that this?
No, no, no.
Muslim vanishes.
Let's leave up that.
We'll use your mistake.
We'll roll with this punch.
Myanmar, what's that?
In Indonesia?
Myanmar?
I don't know.
Of course, you don't know.
So these Muslims vanish as Buddhists attack, right?
The Buddhists were attacking because the Muslims had terrorized their villages.
So the Buddhists have said that's it.
And there's sort of a reenactment of the Crusades going on in Myanmar or wherever that is.
Who cares?
Where Buddhists are slaughtering Muslims because the Muslims slaughtered them.
That's backlash.
You see?
That's a backlash group is Buddhists.
You should be worried about a Buddhist freaking out and attacking Muslims.
You don't have to worry about us.
But anyway.
There's Myanmar.
It looks like a shit hole country.
Myanmar.
Diarrhea splat.
Oh, diarrhea splat are playing at Mercury Lounge if you want to.
Yes.
The basist is a junkie, though.
So he said he can get his tickets, but not reliable.
They never are the basists.
So find the Korean one, Rock Drop, link.
So this guy, it's a really long story.
I won't bore you with the details, but basically, some enormous tank-like thing was carrying some supplies up a tiny road, didn't see these two Korean girls, and ran them over.
Smushed them with a tank.
Korea was pissed.
And for years.
Yeah.
And look, it was an obvious accident.
The idea that Americans are just driving through the small town going, hey, there's a little girl.
Did you see her gut shoot out?
It was like squitching a bug, boys.
Obviously, the soldiers were mortified and investigated.
I don't know what happened to them.
But Korea went on this anti-American thing for years.
And you know who was a really big part of it?
Sai.
Gang Gang Dance.
What's it?
Gangnim Dance?
Gangnim style.
Yeah, Gang Gang Dance are a cool band from New York.
The Gangnim guy, Sai, back in 2004, kill those effing Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives.
What?
You're all worried about Iraqis now?
Kill those effing Yankees who order them to torture.
Kill their daughters, mothers, daughters-in-law.
Kill their daughters-in-law.
Isn't that just someone else's daughter?
I think that's covered with daughter.
And fathers.
Kill them all slowly and painfully.
That is the anti-American Korean backlash from a 2002 incident drifting on two more years later into 2004.
Real quick, it says the song actually isn't Sai's.
It's by a South Korean metal band called NAXT, which performed the song along with Psy and several others at a 2004 concert meant to protest the Iraqi.
I would list that clarification as irrelevant, but thank you.
But show the video.
There's really low-res footage of it.
Wasn't he the most, isn't Gangnam Dance the most watched thing ever?
It's one of them.
Look at that.
There's Psy.
So just go back a little bit there.
Because it was the tank that accidentally killed the girls.
And for years later, all they talk about is how much America, the fucking Yankees.
And he's there singing the medal song about how much we suck.
And he grabs a tank and comes out with the tank.
That's the American soldiers that, sorry, had an accident.
Destroy the tank.
Kill all Yankees.
Everyone's cheering.
Kill the Americans.
Yay!
Can you imagine if there was an incident where Koreans accidentally ran over someone and there was a big concert where Americans are going, kill the Koreans!
Kill the Koreans!
Smashing the tank down and everyone cheering.
Wasn't that guy wearing a tuxedo?
He looked pretty mainstream.
It was a very mainstream notion.
In fact, if I do recall, if I do declare, Jimmy Kimmel had a thing on his show with little girls, little kids, and he was asking them serious policy issues.
And one of them was, you know, China's loaned us a lot of money.
And economically, we're so deep into debt with them that our debts are not repayable.
I don't know if we can ever make this money back.
And he's asking the kids, is this it?
$10 billion.
How should we pay them back?
Huccaney and God the way America kill everyone in China.
Kill everyone in China.
Yeah.
Okay, that's an interesting idea.
All right.
So that's a little kid making a stupid joke, and Jimmy Kimmel's laughing afterwards to make it clear there's a joke.
Huge backlash against Kimmel.
Huge.
He apologized at five separate occasions, I believe.
And they blurted out the face of the kids.
They blurt out the face of the kids.
The kid's going to get beat up.
Yeah, he had to apologize outside the studio.
He made a formal statement on his show.
I guess that's only two.
But it is the same old story again and again.
Koreans smash tanks and say, kill all the Yankees' daughters-in-law.
And we make a little kid makes a silly joke, and there's protests.
It was like, boycott Jimmy Kimmel forever.
And I'm also want to, I want to link this Virginia Tech shooting.
Remember the Virginia Tech shooting?
Yeah.
He was a Korean gentleman.
Was he a Marine or am I confusing him with that other weirdo?
He was probably not getting laid or something.
And he was 23-year-old Sing Huai Cho, Killed 32 people.
Holy crap, I forgot it was that many.
It was pretty big on the Polytechnique Institute State University campus before taking his own life.
Again, folks, mass shootings are almost never political.
Okay?
Nine times out of ten, it's a suicidal person who wants to maximize the damage and go out in a real bang.
That's why they would do something as horrific as Sandy Hook because it'll be the most media attention.
I'm going out with the biggest splash.
Out of, I think 5%, something like 95% of the time, that's what it is.
About 5% of the time, it's political.
Within that 5, maybe 1% of the time, it's a Christian.
4% of that time, it's a jihadist.
And of course, you can think of the Pulse shooting and the West Side Highway and San Bernardino and et cetera, et cetera.
Math makes sense when you think rationally about society.
So mass shootings are not really a political issue, but if you want to look at the political times, the times it is a political issue, 90% of the time it's jihad.
Okay?
Or sorry, 80, four to five.
So yeah, after the Virginia Tech, there was a huge, the Korean Americans were obsessed with preventing a backlash.
Asians fear backlash after Virginia Tech shooting.
Might as well say Asians fear more gay bar fights outside.
Asians are petrified.
And then, of course, when everyone says, what about Charlottesville?
What about Heather Heyer?
I want you to picture that alleyway fight.
Yes, there has been an example of white supremacists killing an innocent woman who was merely protesting hate speech.
It's not a pattern.
If you want a pattern, check in with literally everybody else.
We keep becoming gays in my analogies.
Have you noticed that?
Maybe that's my latent closeted homosexuality.
We're pro-gay.
I always say that we're gay.
Why not?
Let's just get it up.
Doesn't it feel good to say?
Yeah, I saw Norm McDonald said it the other day just because I'm gay.
Yeah, I'm gay.
Yeah.
It'd be much easier to prove that I'm gay than proving I'm a Nazi, by the way.
Southern Poverty Law Center has seemingly spent hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to take everything rude I've said out of context to prove I'm a white nationalist.
It's so much easier.
Show me making out with Milo.
Show me wearing high-heeled shoes.
You can show me in drag like 100 times.
I've probably said I'm gay like a hundred times.
Today.
Whispered in my ear.
It is gay, Dave.
Yeah.
That's how I woke you up this morning.
I'm gay.
I'm gay.
That's 36.
But the other gay analogy I always use is to be a conservative in a coastal city like New York or LA is exactly like being gay in the 50s.
Oh, yeah, Gavin?
What about the violence?
Yeah.
I'm throwing in the violence.
I'm throwing in bottled faces and murders and attacks on a daily basis and macing and rioting and CBS saying punch a Nazi.
Specifically Richard Spencer, but you know what they meant.
They meant Trump.
Yes.
All those other quotes.
Like the Gay in the 50s thing, that reminds me of my trip to I'm trying to get my camera on.
Gaytown?
Yeah, no.
I had a long Uber ride from my house to here.
It was $80.
And the whole time, we're just kind of just talking about athletics and stuff.
And then we're tipping around.
He's like, Alex Jones, I mean, he says some crazy stuff.
And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I think we like the same kind of.
I've said that before, too.
I was at my wife's family reunion, and I see a guy, and we're talking about taxes.
And I go, well, sometimes giving corporations a tax break can lead to more jobs.
And then he all of a sudden meets me across the room.
Like, gays have these bandanas in the back of their pants.
And one means I'm up top.
The other means I'm on bottom.
The other means I like feet or something.
All their bandana stuff that they do.
There's a bandana for that.
There's a bandana for that.
And we have that now at parties and stuff.
And just like gays, when they finally see each other in the 50s, they hang out, oh my God, you're gay.
Come here.
They have to go down to an alley.
So do we.
Like at that party I was talking about, there was a rule, no politics, because they know that I will disagree with a lot of the Indians.
And so we said, he was like, I'm going to go on a beer run.
You want to come?
I was like, yeah, sure, I'll come on a beer run.
And then we get in the car and we just rocking.
That's our sex, right?
And then we come back and when we came to the party, we both went in opposite directions.
Because we had already done the disgusting gay act.
Just whispering.
Or even like gays used to, the way they would go to bars in the 50s is a gay would find a lesbian and a lesbian would find a gay and they double date.
But the lesbians would be playing footsie under the table and so would the gays.
And they'd pretend, this is my girlfriend that I love so much.
We have to do that.
Like proud boys can't wear Fred Perry's in certain places.
You can't wear a MAGA hat anywhere in New York.
There's no bar where you could wear a MAGA hat from top to bottom, from the financial district to the top of Harlem.
There is not one bar where you could wear a MAGA hat and feel safe and not get kicked out.
Well, there's probably some where you wouldn't get kicked out immediately, but you're playing with fire.
And there's, I'm going to say, I don't want to say hundreds, dozens and dozens of bars in New York where you'd just be immediately kicked out.
Same way if you went sacheting into a bar with like a boa feather boa with your boyfriend in 1950 and said, hi, I'm here for a strawberry daiquiri.
I'm a fag.
I'm here for a pinkity drinkety.
And when you're proving that I'm gay, by the way, make sure you take that last one out of context.
I'm a fag.
I'm still going with this, by the way, because it is a very distinct pattern.
And it's strange that we're being blamed for this horrible racial backlash.
For example, in 2014, I was working in Toronto at Rebel News, and they shot a man who was guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
He was dressed, I forget there's this particular group of Canadian soldiers that's linked to Scotland in World War II.
So he had on a kilt and everything.
And the worst part of this story, by the way, he's holding a gun and it has no bullets in it because that would be dangerous.
So, this soldier guarding a tomb is impotent and can't defend himself.
A jihadist, who, by the way, whose mother was the head of some like assimilating Muslims diversity group, that was her job, and she couldn't even assimilate her own son.
You'll notice a pattern there, by the way, in Canada with these jihadists.
They tend to have Muslim fathers who abandon them.
Like the École Polytechnique, that guy who killed 14 women, that's just seen as some crazed sexist.
Actually, that's another example that should be on this list.
Oh, there's the guy, there's the guy.
What's his name?
Captain Nathan Cirillo.
I remember, and I apologize for not having that memorized.
Yeah, the Polytechnique shooting is another example of exactly what I'm talking about.
They stripped the fact that he grew up Muslim with a Muslim father who abandoned him, and they made it all just crazed sexist.
What's his name?
École Polytechnique, Montreal.
Mark LePine.
Yeah, Mark Lepine.
Mark LePine, yeah.
Now, if you look him up on Wikipedia, you see his birth name is actually a Muslim name.
Hmm.
Minor Diet.
Mark LePine, right next to 1989.
Click on that.
You know, I remember going to a vigil.
Click on Mark Lepeen, dumbass.
Born Gamil Rodriguez Lias Garby.
Garby.
Crucial detail there.
And there's been rumors, unconfirmed, that he yelled Aloh Akbar.
Kathy Schadel's written about that.
I couldn't find confirmation on that.
But yeah, he's a sexist pig.
This is an example of sexism.
Yeah, it kind of is.
Muslim sexism.
Another fun example of this is when a white man killed Trayvon Martin.
Oh yeah, but they made it white Hispanic later.
Initially, when they first started reporting this, it was yet another white man killed an innocent black man.
And if you talk to people in the streets, especially in the hood, it was these white people hunting us down, man.
White people like George Zimmerman.
George Zimmerman is not a white man.
You are taking, and they do this with Hispanic stats all the time.
If they want to make someone look bad, then they take the white Hispanics and just call them white.
If they want to make Hispanics look good, then they call them Hispanic.
And it's a false narrative trying to prove, trying desperately to prove that America is a racist hellhole.
Hate has no home here.
We have to fight hate.
What hate?
Charlottesville.
Okay, gay alleyway fight.
That's my rebuttal to your anecdotal evidence.
George Zimmerman is a Peruvian.
Zimmerman sounds Jewish.
I don't know what his German father was, but he's half European, half Peruvian.
You know who else has that exact same ethnicity?
Koreinka Kilcher.
The stunning, I'm going to say 8.9.
No, her chin's a bit much.
Let's call her an 8.
8 seems low.
What do you think?
Well, you're weird about visible minorities.
Because you are one.
I'm going to give her 8.4.
An 8.45.
Not quite an 8.5.
She played this Indian in that movie with Colin Farrell, Colin Firth, The New World.
And she wears turquoise all the time, like she's some sort of Cherokee.
She's a Peruvian.
She's like half Aztec, half European.
There's nothing remotely American Indian about her.
You don't get to wear that shit around your neck, lady.
That's cultural appropriation right now.
And white people are too stupid when it comes to American Indians to know the difference.
And they're so scared of minorities that when they see a brown lady in turquoise who claims to have some sort of Aboriginal background, you go, you're a Cherokee.
Sorry.
I'll step out of the way.
Elizabeth Warren?
Yeah, yeah.
Another example of this was the mailbomb suspect.
Remember that guy who sent mail bombs to CNN and all these different people?
Let's take a look at this guy's mailbombs.
Look at his hair.
What?
That's not hair hair.
That's the worst hairdo in the entire world.
And don't send me some burn victims or someone else with head trauma.
As far as not an act of God and something you could save, that's the worst hairdo I've ever seen in my entire life.
The hair don't.
Oh, and oh yeah, that's a good example.
I'm glad you got that.
Look at them brighten him up.
Why do you want to hate white people so badly?
Why are you so determined?
It's like Ann Coulter said, the only thing that unites all these disparate groups, like black Christians and LGBT and all these other groups that have absolutely nothing in common, like communists and anarchists, is their hatred of white guys.
And I would go farther than that and say they hate Americans, they hate traditionalists, they hate Christians, Catholics, patriarchs.
It's not as simple as just white men.
They hate tradition.
Last example.
So...
Oh, let's have a look at his life of unbelievably bad hair.
This is just how they lighten them up through all of these, too.
I mean, you could make an argument that they're contrasting so that way they could bring out more features, but it seems like if I had a goal, How dark, how weird would you feel if you're working in a newspaper and the editor comes over and says, what are you doing with the lightness?
It would be like fixing a fight.
It would be like your manager telling you to go down in the second round.
You'd say, what'd you say, boss?
We're forging an autograph.
And then he just reaches over your shoulder in Photoshop and goes, I think it's Command M to levels.
And then there's that.
There's that line where you can take the blackout.
And without saying anything to the graphic designer, he just slides that over to the right.
And the graphic designer's like, are you sure?
This is perfect inside baseball talk with Adobe Photoshop speed.
Okay, for the record.
It would be like, remember that time I told you, like, I fixed Goofy's signature, his autograph?
And my mom's like, you can't just fix an autograph.
That's the way he autographed it when I was at Disney World.
Right, right.
It'd be changing it from Goofy to Mickey Mouse.
Nah, it was Mickey.
Let me just tell you who Caesar Sayak.
Oh, they hate When they have weird names too, don't they?
They wish George Zimmerman was George Schmidt.
But Caesar Sayak is the exact same ethnicity as Bruno Mars.
That is, that's Bruno Mars.
Look at him go.
Look at him move.
I send mailbombs to CNN.
I hate Bruno Mars, by the way.
I hate his music.
I hate his moves.
I hate how he's so into being cool.
Makes me sick.
He's just biting on old retro stuff.
It's always biting on retro.
Before it was the 50s, he was like a crooner.
Gross.
All right.
We're running out of time here.
I want to get to the mailbag, though, just to briefly look at the new sunglasses shirts.
No, stop.
You don't like that one?
I like that song, but I want to see the graphic.
Okay.
Don't you have a graphic?
Yep.
And I want to hear the song.
Let's turn the grace together and smell bad.
Let me touch it.
When we started this project, one of the questions going around with the team was, what about t-shirts?
And I said, t-shirts are a beautiful, natural, organic thing.
I don't know if you've ever dealt pot in college, but you don't have to advertise.
People just hear that you sell weed and naturally your customers start appearing.
I've noticed that with shirts.
Now, I knew I wanted free speech.tv, and that's a shirt we got on the site.
I wanted Clown World because it seems to be the sort of general thrust, really, of the show is this insane world we're living in where Bruno Mars and that Indian chick are white people.
Kiana Kilchker.
Get a normal name, lady.
You know?
Yeah.
In my day, when immigrants would come to a new country, their names were like Shortin Zantbortia.
But my name is Mike.
Good.
Be Mike.
And this new shirt that has happened organically is, I like your new sunglasses, which is, I think, the gayest thing I've ever heard a person say.
And he was high on heroin and being annoying, talking to his girlfriend.
So people have been sending in designs.
I like that one a lot.
You know, the thing I like about that is it's in the same tone, like it's super lame.
You know what I mean by lame?
It feels like the same sentiment.
Yeah.
It feels like that's what he was going for.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's see what else you got.
That one's good.
You want to go to the really bad one or the really good one first?
Well, that, let's go to the really bad one.
Okay.
I always like to start with bad news.
Same when you're moving.
Start with.
Oh, my God.
Start with the heavy boxes when you're moving.
But this has the depression.
Well, that's kind of what he looks like.
How did he know that?
I don't know.
I guess all junkies look the same.
Dude, you're not good at drawing.
You're kind of guilty of this too.
You think you're much better than you are.
I don't say I'm good.
Oh, okay.
I just keep drawing.
You suck, and this guy sucks.
That's a pretty good Hello Kitty, though.
Yeah, I guess.
And he tried to kiss your ass by putting Anal Chinook on the.
Yeah.
Okay, so that's not even worth discussing.
What else do you got?
It's worth discussing.
Oh, yes.
I remember seeing this, and this guy definitely has access to great fonts, but the circle's kind of extraneous.
Because the glasses don't wrap around it like it's a head.
Yeah, it makes me think of baseball.
And I think the glasses, to be more iconic, should be straight.
Maybe sunglasses could be written.
I think the first one's the winner.
All right.
Important order of business.
You may have to Google Imager.
I can't believe we don't have Gail Godot.
Gal Godot?
Why don't we have Gal Godot in our hottest list?
Is she too hot and not approachable?
I don't know.
All these anti-Semites hate her.
All these Palestinian students for freedom of Palestine want her banned.
And she's really patriotic, too.
Uh-oh.
She's really patriotic about Israel, which is cool.
Oh my Lord.
Israelis are...
What is in the hummus?
Gorgeous babe juice.
They all have...
So what do you think, Ryan?
Is she too conventionally pretty to be...
I don't see why she wouldn't be on the list.
I mean, like, there's...
No irreverent charm.
No little quirkiness.
But there, there.
See, she's got some humanity.
Like quirk.
I see what you mean.
Yeah, so she's in.
She's in.
We'll have to order it.
We'll show you in the next show.
We'll just check up on the chart.
But I'm thinking that she's going to be somewhere around.
If she had freckles.
Oh, if she had freckles and a gap in her tooth, she'd be at the top.
Might be number one.
She is on, I think she's going to be around number 11.
All right, I think we're done here, my man.
Let's end with...
Well, I showed it to my trainer and I said, I think I found the opponent that I'm looking for.
I want to fight Karen.
And he goes, yeah, I don't think you're quite ready for her.
This is more your speed.
And he sent me, I emailed it to you.
He sent me a video of who he thinks I should fight.
Now, it's not flattering.
I've seen, we've screened this.
I would be the guy with this weird silicon muscles.
And the guy who has...
That's the guy I'm going to fight.
Warming up.
Getting the blood flowing.
Loosen the muscles.
Can't be stiff, right?
I notice, by the way, if you're punching the ribs, you have a cracked rib.
When you work out, the pain goes away.
It relaxes the muscles.
So this is backwards because they don't want to have it stolen, but he seems to be some sort of a Mexican gentleman.
And look at who he is fighting, This guy.
There he is.
What is in the middle of his chest?
He has to flex to keep that in place.
Is he a piggy bank?
Do you put quarters in the center of his chest?
Or did someone defecate on him?
What is that?
Yeah, that's definitely 3D.
So I think it's fake, it's fake chest hair with a tattoo.
Yeah, we were talking about how he looks like he's CGI from when they first started making CGI.
Not like that men at work.
That ain't working.
Not that bad, but like the first okay CGI video game.
1964, like World Wrestling Federation game.
Someone was asking, what would compel someone to do that?
And I'm just like, mental illness and money.
If you're super rich and you're really, really, really slow and crazy, you know, you do that to your chest and you surround yourself with a bunch of yes men and they go, yeah, let's do it.
The audience is laughing, by the way.
Do you remember that?
Big ears.
Yeah, it is.
All right.
So I'm in the striped trunks.
That's my opponent in the grave.
Ooh, nice block.
Nice block.
Blocking the body shots.
He's taking a beating and he's down.
He doesn't even know to go to a neutral corner because this is the first time he's ever been in the ring.
Are you sure you're okay from that death-defying blow?
Okay, silicon arms gets back in.
Oh, what a blow.
What a blow.
Look how unnatural that looks.
Even when I watch Rocky, like, Mr. T is the worst fake fighter ever.
Oof!
Oosh!
He's got the body of, like, a kangaroo on two feet.
It looks unnatural.
His shoulders are so weird.
So he's had silicon put in his biceps and his forearms and his packs.
Like, he's got about one, two, three, four, five, six fake tit packs in his body.
This guy's dead.
Look at him.
What is going on in the middle of his chest?
There's a hole there.
His face is purple and his body isn't.
He has a hole in his chest.
He has a butt.
Oh, I know what he did.
It's a butthole.
They said, sir, there's one way we can make positive that your pecs never move and they retain their shape.
We cut your ass off and we stick it in your chest.
There's one major flaw, which I'm sure you can guess.
Oh, let's see the replay.
Blocks it with the silicon.
Doesn't even hurt.
Boom, and you're out.
You're done for, man.
Imagine he punches him in the chest.
He's like, hey, no punching in the butthole.
That was above the belt.
Thank you for tuning into the show.
Again, these are just sort of the test episodes.
Maybe we should call these.
It'd be cool if we had playlists, and one of them was test apps.
But however long this show is, I think is at the time I feel comfortable with.
So we'll work that out.
It feels like it's about an hour.
I like you more than a friend, and I'll see you tomorrow.
I got to think of a good goodbye.
Yeah.
It can't be get off my lawn again.
Why not?
Or it could be.
You want to try it?
Yeah, and do me a favor, get off my lawn.
I never knew that a kid like me could take his mic around the world after big-ass dingy and rock the masses.
From Madrid to Calabasas.
He wanna make me go through the devils and don't be though.
They know me, though, cause I've been putting to work.
▲
Export Selection