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May 11, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
47:09
S02E04 - COLLEGE SEGREGATION
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My One with Kevin McGuinness.
The soldier's cloak and the drums are going around And the boys fell out in play Fare thee well, holly my dear, I must be gone away All night they touched the trumpet till the morning did appear The soldier rose, but on his clothes he said, We're over there, on a tram Thank you.
That's Gentleman Soldier by the Pogues, and including it's from the album Rome Sodomy in the Lash, probably their best album.
And that's an old folk song, Gentleman Soldier, but a sentry who impregnates a woman and has the kid.
He does his voice, the narrator's voice.
He does a gentleman soldier's voice.
And then he also does Molly, the impregnated woman.
Molly, Holly?
You know, you assume that all of the Pogue songs are these Irish classics.
Then you look it up and a lot of them are written by Shane McGowan.
They just sound like classics.
And then he just drank, literally drank his face off.
His teeth, I think, have finally been fixed.
But the guy looks like he's been beaten for a fortnight with hammers.
As Billy Connolly would say.
It's sad.
Oh, my God.
What a mess.
What a mess.
I know he's old, but Jesus Lord.
Look at that.
Booze.
Booze is a bitch.
Folks, stay off the whiskey and don't drink till noon.
Okay?
At least.
I think you know you're an alcoholic when the thought of having booze in the morning doesn't make you dry heave.
If the idea of going psst at 8.30 a.m. makes you go, that would be kind of nice, you got a prob.
So yes, that's the poke.
Shane McGowan's, there's a brilliant line in that song, too, where he goes, well, she wants to, he impregnates the woman.
He's a sentry.
He drilled her while wearing a soldier's cloak in a sentry box.
That's the sort of thing where they stand at attention there.
And he said, I have a wife already and children.
I have three.
Two wives are allowed in the army, but one's too many for me.
I delivered that beautifully.
Isn't that a weird concept?
That in the military, in the British military, and probably all over the Western world, it was legal to have two families if you were stationed far away.
Hoes in different area codes.
Legal hoes in different area codes.
And then, oh, never mind.
I was going to say that was something very dumb, which is the following.
You need multiple wives because they're in danger because you're in the army.
I think it's good that we have diversity, not just of race on this show, but also IQ.
So you get to see a normal human adult and what they think, and then you get to see someone who has had some sort of head trauma, someone at the children's hospital who's on their way out, someone in hospice.
We get their thoughts too.
We have a wide range on this show.
We've got a lot to cover, so I'm going to keep it short and sweet.
We have a guy from a conservative from a liberal college.
I like to check in on the college campuses once in a while, see how they're doing.
They're not doing great.
It's much more clown world than it was when we last checked in.
And this guy won't give me his name.
He will only appear on the show in disguise, and we have to filter his voice.
We have to change his voice because he will be booted out of college and his whole career will be over if he's outed as a pedophile.
No.
A serial rapist?
No.
Hmm.
A guy who deals drugs to people that are dying in AOD?
A heroin dealer?
No.
A conservative who's fond of the president.
Someone with the same politics as half the damn country.
That is, I'm telling you, man, it's like being gay in the 50s.
All right.
And then we also have, Homeless Me is going to be talking about demons.
Apparently they can give you STDs and you need spray to get the STDs off your crotch.
We have footage of that.
But before we start, we keep checking in on Amelia Clark and she keeps getting worse.
And when I first saw her in, I never watched Game of Thrones.
It's not my bag.
But when I saw her in the movie Hand Solo with my kids, I was stunned at how beautiful she is.
Do you have her in that movie?
You dig her up?
That's why she just leapt onto our list in the top five because I spent the entire movie just going, and she's very classy in that movie.
She's an actress.
That's a character, dumbass.
Look at her.
That looks like a wife, right?
No, she's an annoying drama club kid.
All actresses are annoying, but she's really annoying.
That is not the Amelia Clark we now know.
And we're sorry about her brain aneurysm, but if you thought the Rastafarian Targarian was the worst it can get, look at her here doing promo for Game of Thrones and just making boners dry up.
I'm gay.
I'm gay starting now.
New York, New York.
You're not funny, little nerd boy.
Hi, Amelia Clark here, and good news.
This is still time for you to meet me for the final episode of Game of Thrones.
I don't like nerds.
Ever.
We'll meet up, talk about the show, take some photos together, and then you'll get to see how it all ends at a private screen.
And since this is the Game of Thrones experience to literally end the ball, I thought what better way to spread the word than to hit the streets of Times.
It's just the eyebrows and the talking.
It's so bad.
Who is this?
It's so derivative.
It's like seniors comedy.
It's like a Portlandia character.
It's like British Christian comedy or something.
Oh, they said Christians couldn't be funny?
Well, check out The Vicar.
It's so bad, isn't it?
It gets worse.
So she dresses up as Jon Snow and talks to New Yorkers.
There's nothing charming about her.
I see now the woman through gay eyes.
I see what they see.
Yes.
As drum roll, please.
Jon Snow!
Girl!
The shop was out of Daenerys costumes.
It's like, is she trying to be Ricky Gervais or something?
Oh, like intentionally corny and yeah.
No.
Let's go.
Is she trying to be the office?
Maybe.
I don't.
And the beard's on outside the wig.
It's just so half-assed.
I hate to sound sexist, but I feel like women are behind all this.
Directing, writing, producing.
I'm seeing a lot of broad.
Yeah, dude.
I agree with you.
Perfect face.
Maybe you're right though, because like Will Ferrell as Anchorman, The Office, it's all like making fun of themselves, you know?
Yeah, and I've never really...
It's like a comedy inside of a comedy league.
Like, Triumph the Insult Dog has the riffing with the people done perfectly.
Let's shut up for a sec.
I'd like to know what happens in the last episode.
Do you wanna watch the final episode of Game of Thrones with a media clerk?
Would you like to?
I'm a Walking Dead fan.
I'll tell you how it ends.
You could, you know, put it on the internet.
Fine.
Whatever.
They weren't in the same location.
Oh, you think that's fake?
I know.
Yeah.
I think somebody that wasn't Amelia Clark spoke to her.
Maybe that's like the director's friend who said, can you just say I'm a Walking Dead fan and then laugh?
Yeah.
Oh, whatever.
Anyway, I'm so glad she's off the list.
I'm worried about the guy who sold the soul to the devil, and her personality comes out, and he goes up to Satan and he goes, dude, why did you turn her into an annoying 10-year-old boy?
And look at that.
Wait, play the volume there.
Just pause it.
Okay, so everyone, all the characters in Times Square are Mexican illegal immigrants.
All the Batmans, all the Supermans.
So they don't want them to talk because it opens up a Pandora's box of cultural problems.
So go back to that scene where she's talking to them, the Batman and all that.
Coming up, yep.
Hi, lads.
You're all right.
I'm doing the north.
It's not a big deal.
It's a very big deal.
They can't understand you.
I'm looking to recruit because there's a battle happening and I need some help.
So do you watch Games of Month?
Just move on.
Anyway, okay.
And Satan just says to the guy, sorry, man, that's who she is.
You sold your soul to me for that.
It's like the guy who sold his soul to the devil, Pete Libertine, to be with Amy Winehouse.
And he got this stunning 50s retro chick with cool tattoos.
And then she slowly turned into the crack hag in Bermuda.
Do you have that?
Why wouldn't you go to those pictures while I'm talking about that?
I just really wanted to put that Targaryen.
Okay, put it up.
Rastafarian.
you're eating up a lot of time.
I can't call me Daenerys, Daegerean, when you want to reach me.
And if you feel the love that you can call me.
I'm Gay.
See, what you do is when you see someone like you see her in hand solo and you inject all of this personality and culture and womanliness, like with Kimbra, I'm injecting all this artistic talent.
Although she is a great musician, so I don't think that's so nuts.
And then you realize, no, that's all in my head.
By the way, the chick from Ragnarok, Kate Blanchette, I just realized she's a character.
Although, that's okay, because you could marry Kate Blanchett and say, can you put on tons and tons and tons of eye makeup and dye your hair black?
And then you'd still have her.
So it's possible.
So do you have young and old?
Let me see young and old, Amy Winehouse.
Pre-sell your soul and post-sell your soul.
You can do them in reverse order.
I don't care.
That's post-sell your soul.
So is that?
Wait, I'm going to hell for this?
I'm in hell.
Look at that.
She has the body of a five-year-old Asian boy.
Of a guy named John.
She has the body of a pretty good dude who smokes too much pot.
He's a nice guy.
I like him.
Emmy Winehouse.
Yeah, he's always got beer in his fridge, that guy.
Younger.
She looks like a cool guy to hang with.
Just a trustable mensch.
And then, is that her?
Oh, yeah.
She was.
But when that's still when, because she used to have a career just sort of being a blues singer.
And then she got, Mark Ronson gave her the pompadour and everything.
Oh, she used to be like a normal Italian girl.
Yeah, she's Jewish.
Jewish girl.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A normal shiksa.
All right.
How are we doing for time?
So we'll talk to them.
Let's jump ahead here.
I want to talk about this.
I realized I'm a TERF.
T-E-R-F.
Look up what that stands for, but basically it's these lesbians who don't like that you can just buy being a woman off a shelf.
And they recently went to a, no, not recently.
This is old news now.
Trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
I'm a trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
Ooh, we should make t-shirts that say that.
Get off my turf?
No, trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
Because the only person that wants to throw something at you is a tranny, which there's like five, despite what the media tells you.
But anyway, this is this feminist activist.
It's the Brits, the smart lesbians who are doing this.
Angela Wilde, and she says, the definition is and should remain woman in the biological sense of the word, exclusively, emotionally, and sexually attracted to women.
As lesbians, we retain the right to say what we find sexually attractive, irrespective of gender identity.
Thank you very much.
The fact that such a statement is now labeled hateful says much about the misogyny of those who condemned us.
Thank you.
That's what I've been screaming.
That this whole concept that you can just acquire woman-ness is sexist.
So these feminists, there's this woman, Sarah McBride.
And it's a dude.
And this dude has worked hard to create, I don't know, a bunch of trans policies.
So basically men are kicking ass and taking names in women's sports and now feminist politics and the lesbian movement.
These men are coming in, screwing a bunch of lesbians, but more importantly, they're telling young girls that are lesbians, you're not a lesbian, you're a dude.
So you should cut your tits off and take hormones and grow a beard.
Meanwhile, the other lesbians are going, I like tits.
Why did you double mastectomy my girlfriend?
So anyway, they go and harass this guy.
And this is a really hard video to find, actually.
But I managed to track it down on MD100, The Independent, which is British lefty journalism.
Why don't you care about that, Sarah?
This is Sarah McBride.
He gets paid probably quite a lot of money to lobby the government to try and make sure that women and girls have absolutely no right to own any space anymore.
Shame on you.
Sarah, yesterday I listened to mothers weeping over the factors.
Now, I think that's one of my top turfs, Julia Long.
And people have been writing about this.
They say conservatives and radical feminist lesbians find common ground.
Yeah.
We are trans exclusionary radical feminists.
What about just TERF?
God, that would get you bottled.
See, the thing is, I've said that a lot of trans are just mentally ill-gays.
If there's one person that's going to break a bottle on your head from the back of your head, it's a tranny.
But go ahead.
Teenage daughters have had their breasts sliced off and radical hysterectomies involving removing their wound and ovaries.
And he doesn't care.
Would you like to speak to those mothers and tell us why you're channeling anything?
Did you catch all that?
She always says the words, she doesn't call it double mastectomy, she calls it slicing your breasts off.
She says, I've just been speaking to mothers who are crying that their daughters have sliced their breasts off and had hysterectomies in order to reverse their gender.
Why are you allowing this to happen?
Look, this is how it is when you find out your son's gay in 2019.
You go, really?
Next day.
So anyway, you want to go to the Mets on Thursday?
I've got seats through work.
This is how you act when you find out your daughter's lesbian.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
You're not going to have kids?
Shoot, shoot, shoot.
The next day.
Hey, could you take your dog for a walk?
He hasn't walked all morning.
The end.
This is how you act when your daughter cuts her tits off.
What have you done?
What have you done?
That's not empowering.
It's not empowering to cut your tits off.
And by the way, you're 17.
Can we at least try being gay before you switch genders on us?
What did Sarah McBride say about that?
She goes, this is me.
The sad truth.
So she makes it more.
Sorry, she.
He makes it more about him.
This guy is going in there and saying, this happened to me.
No, go to the top.
This happened to me earlier today.
That thing I just showed you.
We had just concluded a really powerful meeting with parents of transgender youth.
Yeah, you mean women who use their children as pets, like Charlize Therone, who adopts a black kid from Africa and then says, this is a boy now, or this is a girl.
Can you imagine the villagers if they found out what happened to their kid?
Oh, that reminds me.
I think I sent this to you.
I went on a little turf vortex after I discovered this and I looked up Caitlin Jenner.
Have you checked in on his boyfriend?
No.
Okay.
I thought Caitlin Jenner was straight.
No, Caitlin Jenner and his boyfriend are severely disfigured homosexuals.
I just typed in Caitlin Gender.
Whoops.
Caitlin Gender.
But it gets worse.
They're 40, 50 years apart?
Yeah.
They're 50 years apart.
And he's older.
But check the link I sent.
He's 21.
Caitlin Jenner is 68.
This is a crime, by the way.
I think in Canada, it is illegal to misgender someone, and someone just got fined 50 grand for it.
But go to that picture thing.
Because the boy used to be a conservative.
And the idea of the dad just going, yeah, my son is, he goes to a Christian college.
He's kind of, he's a little conservative for me.
You know, he's a very good spot, and you should hear him talk about gay marriage.
But he's on the straight and narrow, and he loves Tucker Carlson, and he hates big government.
There, do you want to see him?
That's my boy.
So he's a bit of a looker, so he's probably going to end up with a fairly hot chick.
Oh, not too.
Then you check in a year later.
That's my boy again.
He's in the white jeans.
He's dating a 70-year-old man who has fake hits on.
Oh, boy.
Oh, my God.
And then the dad's friend has had a few too many beers, and he goes, how exactly do they have sex?
And the dad has to say, I presume they blow each other?
Can you imagine their sex life?
Imagine having to watch it.
The poor fucking dad.
Like, even if your daughter marries a 70-year-old man, it's a huge bummer.
Right?
I mean, that's the end.
That's terrible.
But what if the man has boobs and his Caitlin Jenner?
There's video of them during the fire saying, we're okay, we're okay.
See if you can find video.
Her name is Sophia Hutchins.
That's not really her dad.
Oh, we got to get.
How are we doing for time?
How long have we been talking for?
About 20 minutes or so.
Oh, shoot.
We got to get cooking.
We got to get cooking.
This is a long tangent to be on.
Oh, got it.
There we go.
Look, this is your son.
We're safe.
We made it through the night.
We don't know how badly the house burned, but it's not looking good.
We're going to go check it out if it's safe later today.
And we just want to send a big thank you to all the first people.
Thanks.
Love him.
Hi.
That is so fucked up.
Wow.
Hi.
First responders in LA.
Hi.
Oh, my God, that's my son's fiancé, literally.
No, not literally.
It reminds me of the.
She'll pull up that crying dad on Dr. Phil when he finds out his son, who was like a star athlete, has become Adam Sandler in the movie Jack and Jill.
Yeah, that was it.
Look at his shoulders.
I killed for those shoulders.
That chick has way better shoulders.
Coming through.
coming through.
Thank you for being here.
I appreciate it.
I'm pretty stunning, right?
Tell me what's your...
Well done.
This is also so exploitative on both of their parts, on everyone's part.
Look at these people watching this shit show.
Clown world.
What a transphobe.
World.
What an asshole.
Yeah, what a sexist, racist, homophobe.
What an everything phobe.
Okay, that's Jill.
That's Adam Sandler.
Look, pull up Adam Sandler in Jack and Jill.
This is what I don't get.
They show us this movie and they go, this is a comedy.
Laugh your head off.
And you go, no problem.
And you start laughing.
And then the same day, they show you the same person and they go, now this time it's serious.
Don't laugh.
Just go, hi, lady.
You're beautiful.
Are you single?
Can I blow you?
Look at her.
Just, I don't mind when you go to Google Image, by the way.
I like the look of it.
There.
That's Adam Sandler.
You should make sure none of your tabs are embarrassing, by the way.
Right.
All right, we got to get started here.
Let's get to, we'll do the satanic seduction second.
But first, let's check out this letter I got from Mr. Ed.
I'm a junior at Williams College, a premier liberal arts college in Massachusetts on the football team, and things have been getting pretty crazy on our campus.
We've had an uproar over racial injustice on campus recently, followed by black previews.
Black previews are warm-up sort of introduction things, but just for black students, where I was told I couldn't eat barbecue on the main quad because I'm white.
And now groups are organizing for segregated housing, amongst other psychotic things.
I think you guys would enjoy this.
We'd love to hear your thoughts.
Now, don't go to the first link because that's not related.
But check out this link, number two.
Now, these black students crashed a meeting where the student union, whatever, is getting together to discuss what programs they're going to do.
And they demanded a number of things.
It's a little bit tedious to watch this, but it's worth it because you can see what college culture has become.
Now, look at this person right there.
There's sort of a blur at the back.
It's basically at the very, very back of this room.
That's a man taking notes, which looks like he's not listening enough, and he gets berated for this, which is berating in and of itself.
So he gets yelled at for not receiving his yelling, his punishment correctly.
Anyway, go ahead.
Create some form of community.
We get stopped at every single level.
Every single level.
So it's time for y'all to really figure this shit out and check yourself.
Because I'm really losing it.
We are fucking tired of having to come and beg and suck dick for money.
But of course, when we have.
So he's basically saying all these student groups get money and they want to have a black student group have fried chicken.
At one point, he says, we want money to fry some chicken and be fucking niggers for once.
That's a quote.
I don't have to bleep that out.
It's relevant to the news.
By the way, why do you need money?
I've started many clubs in my day.
There's no money there.
Like Proud Boys meet once a month and they buy their own beer.
And fried chicken, isn't that the cheapest meat there is?
Have your group.
Have your club.
Yeah, one of those demands is free to do.
Yeah, I don't.
Why is there a club?
What do you need?
Unless it's like a parachuting club.
Why do you need so much money for your club?
Anyway, for him to say, when I want to have my blacks only group, you keep making me jump through hoops like Philip Forums, which he describes as sucking dick.
Anyway, someone's about to get in trouble for not paying enough attention.
You have to come do it.
We face problems all the fucking time.
All the time.
Why would it be called minority previews if it's just black people to be there?
I don't understand that.
Well, you, Tristan, Wayland, why aren't you listening?
It's disrespectful when someone's speaking to you.
So we're writing.
So we're right now.
Every time we open up, It's disrespectful that you're looking down.
And then he said, so we're writing now.
So we're writing now.
Now he's about to say, I'm closing my fucking mouth.
And then he realizes, wait, that's what these people want.
And then he changes it to, to open it, to speak.
My mouth, the ears closed.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
I have emotion.
Emotion is that we be listened to.
I don't get it.
Every time to speak here, it's like sucking white dick every fucking day, closing our mouths every fucking day to just be here.
And if we didn't ask for a little bit of time, money, and space, we got to suck some more dick.
I'm closing my fucking mouth.
So open it to speak.
What are you talking about?
I'm happy to give you money.
I need to know what the hell you're saying.
Please speak English.
And then, so this is the local paper there, Williams Record.
And this is relevant, folks, because this is where you're sending your kids.
And this is where they're going a quarter of a million dollars into debt to just be abused by people who are swearing at them, who want to eat fried chicken.
Not my words, his words.
Start a club.
Students organize first ever black previews.
Okay?
It's segregation.
And just to be clear here, I understand the argument.
This is the argument Jared Taylor, Richard Spencer, David Duke make, and it's we should be allowed to have a white only area, white only state, white only restaurants.
Nas rappers, Professor Griff.
Who else has this?
Yeah.
Remember, Nas has a whole song about how they have to have a black state where they only use black businesses.
That is the pro-segregation argument.
I don't like that argument on either side.
I will like ideas.
I think the West is unique because we focus on ideas.
Can you pull yourself out by your bootstraps?
Are you patriotic?
Do you at least revere Judeo-Christianity?
Do you understand that those religions built this country?
Do you understand that America is 75% Christian?
And if you're an atheist, you should at least respect that.
Do you understand that we're about freedom here and hard work and free speech and the Constitution?
Do you understand that?
Then I don't care what race you are.
Let's do this.
Segregation is going backwards.
Segregation.
Do we have a very difficult over here?
Different values.
People are drinking from beer.
People alert it over here.
It's terrible.
Inclusionary Tony.
Aggressive.
This is the first time that students...
This is the first time that students have coordinated events for prospective students who identify as black.
The events were created with the aim to give black prospective students the opportunity to enter shared spaces with current black students and to better understand life at the college.
It's segregation.
Let's talk to someone over there who has been.
Would you say a victim?
I don't know.
A target of segregation.
Let's talk to a student at one of these crazy schools, and he will be, he's hiding in the library, and he's worried because the walls are paper thin, and he's made very sure that we change his voice and blank out his face.
Let's check them out.
So we'll call you Mr. Ed.
Mr. Ed over at Williams College.
I don't know many American universities.
Is Williams College known as kind of a lefty school?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, it is one of the premier liberal art schools, but I mean, one of the biggest things that people come for is the kind of left progressive agenda that a lot of people believe in here.
It's got a great poetry program.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, we're pretty good in art history.
We have a great e-con department, but I mean, even that's a little sewed.
What about watercolors and basket weaving?
What about the history of jazz?
Can I take a history of jazz class?
I haven't taken anything like that.
I'm taking a photography course right now called Moving Photography, which is pretty much in line with that, but I've never taken a crazy course over here.
So would you describe yourself as conservative if you were allowed to be honest in a private room?
Yes.
I mean, honestly, I think I would consider myself conservative.
So what would happen to you if you came out of the closet as a pro-Trump conservative guy and, say, wore a MAGA hat around campus?
Oh, I mean, it would cause an uproar.
I mean, we had that.
One of my friends actually wore a MAGA hat on November 10th after the election, and he was asked to leave the building that a lot of students come to for, you know, to pick up their mail and everything.
They were doing a protest, and he walked in with a MAGA hat, and he was told to take it off for leave.
We were watching some of the footage of the protests, and the way they sort of physically mentally abuse, I don't know, physically abuse, but mentally abuse the students and say, hey, hey, look at me, look at me when I'm talking to you.
It's like something out of Bad Lieutenant when Harvey Keitel is masturbating to some woman on the street that's in her car and he's making her stare at him.
Like it's the way abusers behave.
Do you notice that?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
And I mean, there's no dialogue.
It's just, you know, they're right.
And, you know, you're the wrong person and, you know, you need to be educated.
Well, they're segregationists.
I mean, it's the same as these white nationalists that want all-white communities or all-white fraternities or all-white areas.
I guess it's okay if non-whites do it because I forget the justification.
White people have all the power or something like that?
Well, yeah, all they want to do is they say that, you know, a place like where I go to is very inherently biased and that, you know, therefore they need to create spaces for themselves and exclude others.
So that's basically their whole dialogue about it.
Well, that's not true.
But even if it was, what a strange universe to be living in where you're at this clan rally and you need a safe space where you're not getting, what, having rocks thrown at you?
It's like a rich person in East New York saying, I'm worried about being mugged.
I need my safe zone.
It's actually kind of like South Africa, where rich white people have to have these razor wire communities where they won't be attacked.
Now, I understand that you went to one of these black previews.
Can white people go to a black preview?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
The connection's bad.
Are you allowed, are whites allowed to go to black previews?
No, we weren't.
They actually had a bottecube about two weeks ago where I didn't know it was all black, but So I actually walked up there, went to go get a plate of food, and I was approached by four black women who said, you know, what are you doing here?
And I tried to explain to them that, you know, I'm just getting a burger before I go to class.
And they explained to me that it was only for black people and that I couldn't eat there.
And so I looked at them and I said, you know, this has never happened before.
Like, what do you want me to do?
Do you want me to put this back?
And they go, oh, no, no, no.
Like, you just have to leave.
So I started emptying out my plate, putting all the macaroni and cheese and stuff like that back on the thing.
And they go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
You're contaminating everything.
Shut up with your whiteness.
So I wound up taking the macaroni and cheese, putting it back on my plate.
And I said, well, what would you want me to do with this burger?
And they said, oh, you could just take this burger and leave.
You're fine.
Oh, thanks.
Well, I think the next step is obviously drinking fountains.
That school needs to have A place where blacks can feel safe at a drinking fountain and they don't have to worry about white contamination.
Sound reasonable?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, okay, let's do it.
Or we could just get in a time machine and go back to 1940 and everything's fine.
All right, this connection sucks.
We can't see you.
We will keep your identity secret, Mr. Ed.
And I think it's amazing.
You know, I used to say that being conservative today in certain areas is like being gay in the 50s, but I'm beginning to think it's even worse than that.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
Bye.
If anyone comes to court in you, you can take them to a class.
If anyone comes to court in you, you can say your country lies.
You know what's strange, by the way, about that video with the vulgarities?
Their funding was approved.
They said yes.
They just made them fill out the same forms everyone else has to fill out.
And that led to the tirade.
That was the sucking dick, was having to fill out forms as not just getting handed a bag of fried chicken.
I believe they were just petrified of what would happen to you if you handed a black group a bag of fried chicken.
Hi, this is because you all want to be ends.
I'm not going to say it.
I'm not going to let them take that out of context.
Right.
All right.
I think it's time we had a really honest and serious look at demons giving women.
Venerea warts, the clap, herpes?
What?
I would imagine they give gonorrhea.
Why?
Because it burns?
And it's a grosser STD.
Chlamydia, there's no real symptoms.
It's like you pee a lot and stuff.
A demon is going to be like, I want strange fluids.
They're very into fluids.
Yeah, demons like fluids.
Like, think of hell with the lava.
There's like a pus volcano.
I mean, that's what gonorrhea is, ultimately.
It's a pus volcano.
Oh, pus volcano are playing at Mercury Lounge.
I have to write that one down.
All right, let's roll the tape.
bumper Being possessed by a demon is horrible.
It's something that few recover from.
It's a form of celestial rape, in a sense.
It's a spirit and a force from the underworld.
Luckily, it doesn't exist.
It exists metaphorically.
If you do heroin, you could say he has the devil in him.
But demons don't just jump into your body.
So as far as what you see in the day-to-day goes, demon possession is a great place to sort of hammer out some of your improv talents and see how good you are at acting.
A lot of people in these communities, they don't get to act very much.
So by pretending there's a demon in you on a Sunday, you get to do some movie star stuff that you wouldn't normally have the opportunity to do.
So let's see this chick in The Exorcist.
What choices will she make as a demon spirit?
Watch what happens.
What's his accent?
Stop.
Stop.
He's spraying something on her crotch.
Oh, I remember this one.
She claims that she got raped by a demon.
She made it sexual, which is...
I wish we could do that with humans.
Actually, we can.
For venereal warts, they just spray it with liquid nitrogen in a very small little jet.
Not that I know, but I've read about this.
And it kills the venereal warts.
Fire!
Fire!
Come out from the private!
Hold on a sec.
*Demonic*
Is she getting rid of, is he getting rid of the STDs or actual demons?
Because if you are a demon and you give someone an STD, then you get on with your life.
You leave.
You go back to hell or you go possess some other woman.
You don't sit there going, oh no, I'm worried about my STDs.
So why is this demon wriggling around?
I don't understand this.
Maybe demon STDs are different because with human STDs, it's a disease you give to someone and then you move on and have a life.
You don't stay with the person and have any sort of vested interest.
Like there's no example of you giving a girl crabs and she calls you and goes, yeah, you know your crabs.
They're dead.
And you don't go, my babies.
You don't care about your crabs.
They're not your babies.
They're an STD you gave to someone.
So I don't understand why this demon cares about what bugs he left in her vagina.
Anyway.
Go, go, go, go, go.
I like her.
Oh, what's the shoes with an outfit like that?
I would like white heels.
Oh, white boots.
That's a great look.
Oh, is she okay now?
Turn it up.
I can't hear it.
Razuman Daniel.
What happened to you today?
So you prayed, you delivered me today, and then when I went to the bathroom, I think 15 minutes later, some white stuff came out with the blood after you sprayed.
Oh, come on, somebody.
After I spray with the water, after I spray, something came out white.
Put your hands together.
Hallelujah.
May your healing and deliverance be permanent in indigenousness.
I think we know the SCD.
The SCD that the demon gave her was clearly gonorrhea.
Gonorrhea is usually postulant.
It's fluorescent yellow.
But in her case, it's demon-related, so it's white.
That's more of an intense pus, but it worked.
And also, minor detail, you got the demon out.
That's actually the biggest part of this story is that if you get rid of a demon's STD, you also exorcise the demon.
Who knew that?
That wasn't in Poltergeist.
That wasn't in The Exorcist.
That's like if you get rid of a demon's dandruff and you brush it off your couch, all of a sudden the demon goes, but I want to get to the part where she describes being raped by the demon.
Not that I want to trivialize rape.
In fact, she's trivializing rape.
But let's go back a second.
Can I just say something sexist for a second here?
Have you noticed women fake barf a lot?
Like a girl will be crying about something or hysterical about some problem.
And then she goes, oh, I'm going to throw up.
And then she throws up and she's like, and you go, Yeah, that's spit.
You didn't barf.
A barf is like when a man barfs, he goes, Oh man, I don't feel too good.
And then like actual vomit comes out.
We never go, oh my God, I don't feel too good.
That's called spitting.
So this woman is not barfing.
But in the context of all this, she's barfing out demons.
How many of them believe all this?
Like, oh, I see.
This guy clearly doesn't care.
This woman, a lot of these people are just like, whatever, I don't care.
I want to go put some canes on the wall.
Good place to get.
You sorose!
Let that sperm of that man out!
Out!
Out, you demon!
Out!
Let go!
Let go!
You delivered me two Sundays aback, then a demon came with his penis and put it in my mouth.
And then he came again and he slept with me last week.
And I told the pastor that I need deliverance again.
And since then, my private part has been itching.
Just pause.
Are you being metaphorical?
Are you talking about a guy who definitely shouldn't be in your life and you were sexually violated?
In that case, let's go to the cops, not the pastor.
But if you're talking about a demon, I'd like to take a moment to talk to the demons out there and say, leave us humans alone, you disgusting, amorphous kind of ghost guys.
You have your own demons in hell.
You have other female demons, women who have sinned and are in hell.
Stop coming up to earth and having sex with our women, especially our Jamaican women.
Fuck you.
Yes.
Who are you?
Speak.
Who are you?
Just pause.
This I like because your first instinct when you're a demon, when you're pretending to be a demon, is to go, Elo Lasperado, and do, that's murder on your throat, some guttural thing.
She goes, all right, I don't have the repertoire to do talking.
I don't really know what a demon would say.
So I'm not going to say anything, which is smart.
You know, it's sort of like writing.
Write about what you know.
And she's gone, I'm just, I'm going to make like bird chirping sounds and screech and pretend that I am scared, which is a smart, I think this is a smart move.
As far as improv goes, she's working with the tools.
How much does this guy believe?
How much is he thinking about he's going to go to Chick-fil-A later on?
Or how much is he thinking about, we got to get this demon out of this woman?
That's what I want to get in this guy's brain.
What's in here?
Go ahead.
Look at that demon.
Look at that demo.
Look at that demo.
Look at that demon.
Look at that demo.
Pause.
How bored.
So this guy doesn't believe it.
She doesn't believe it.
What about this kid over here who doesn't want to be here?
There's a lot of apathy for someone who is confronted with a rape victim who is the victim of a demon who came to Earth.
I don't, beyond even the rape thing, the fact that a demon would come to Earth, like even in Ghostbusters, I was always annoyed by how okay everyone was with ghosts.
Oh, okay.
We better get rid of those ghosts.
I would be freaking out if I saw a ghost or I saw anyone possessed.
Again, love the outfit, lady.
Who are you?
Who are you?
Speak out.
Who are you?
Who are you?
This is actually smart.
Because a demon wouldn't speak English.
Jesus' name.
You demon gotta help you.
Wait, what's with the editing?
Is she back to life?
Hey, pause.
What's this woman doing?
Is she speaking in tongues or something?
Look at all these canes and crutches.
I don't understand that.
Did those people have to go get a new crutch when they got home?
Go ahead.
Come on from the private part!
You in the private part?
They want in the private part!
Watch what happens.
Wait, why does she have a sash on?
All right, that's where we started.
So we did that out of order.
Hey, demons, I hope you're watching this because if you come near us, we won't wait until you rape some Jamaican chick.
We will spray that STD shit right in your face.
I'll be playing Where are you all?
I'll leave it there.
Thank you, homeless me, for that look at Satan and all the trouble he gets up to, that nasty...
Oh, she was raped.
It's conceivable, however, that this woman trusted a man.
They became close.
He betrayed her and also got an STD and feels that he was such a jerk.
He was basically like a demon of sorts.
I think maybe the metaphor dripped into reality a little tiny bit or vice versa.
Anyway, we're out of time.
This is women, professional fighters.
I mean, boxing is the sweet science.
And I don't think there's barely, I don't think there's any professional female fighters who could beat up a professional male fighter.
However, with the stamina and practicing punches, there are quite a few professionally trained women that would hurt you.
I would also wager there are zero civilian women who could beat up a professional fighter.
Now, unfortunately, we're living in a strange time, a clown world, where women think they can beat the shit out of everyone and they mouth off to giant thug murderers.
It started with Nicole Dufrayne saying, what are you going to do?
Shoot me?
To Rudy Fleming, where he shot her and killed her.
And it's not smart.
I don't understand why women are going to rallies and picking fights with men they call Nazis.
Because if he is who you say he is, then you're not safe.
And one of the stupidest things you could possibly do as a sort of a woman who wants to talk to the manager is to get into the octagon with a professional fighter.
Ladies, please stop.
Imagine that was your mom or your girlfriend or, God forbid, your wife.
Plus, MMA is brutal.
I wonder if they're, you know, fighters put Vaseline on their face because there's a dirty trick you can do with your glove where you twist it and it rips the skin apart and now he's got blood in his eyes and everything.
I don't see them with Vaseline on, though I can't see on TV and I don't remember from the few fights I've seen in the octagon.
But there she is with her barely any padding, stepping into the ring to speak to the manager.
I think we all know how this is going to go.
What happened?
Ad popped up.
Damn it.
Oh, no.
Is there any audio?
Nope.
Oh, Lord.
Look.
Ladies, it's hard to get punched in the face.
Oh, my God.
Look, she's completely unconscious.
Look at that.
Hammering.
The whole fight was what?
Was that six seconds?
Oh, Lord.
This is feminism in a nutshell.
Ladies, your clown world is you getting the crap beaten out of you.
We don't want that.
Us alleged sexists, us Archie bunkers, don't want you in the octagon.
You don't want to be in the octagon.
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